#genuinely bizarre thing we all just let them say what was up with that huh

[thatneoncrisis]

race as an element in fantasy stories will never not intrigue me btw i will always yap about the external choices and author makes affecting the internal machinery of text itself and how intentional any given off the cuff statement appears to be

[skylarksilver]

With a Grain of Salt

The whole thing was an exercise in cognitive dissonance. Life as a whole still felt surreal. Like there was no way this could be my reality.

“Hey henchman, you missed a spot.”

I opened my eyes and looked around, feeling my shoulders slump with a sigh.

Still here. Either it's not a dream, or I still haven't woken up.

The cat talking wasn't the weird part. Nor was it that he seemed to swap between running on four legs like I was used to seeing, and walking two like a tiny person. It was the literal fire that was spilling out of his ears. Pale, ghostly blue fire. He was holding a broom that was entirely too large in his paws and struggling to manipulate it.

“I'll get it. Can you grab that metal dustpan?”

Talking Grim into doing anything helpful took patience and bribery. But we had a pattern. I swept up the garbage while he held the dustpan. I picked out the plastics and non flammable materials, then Grim incinerated the rest. He did seem eager to do as I asked, the blue flames of his ears burning a little brighter at the prospect of playing with fire. With the behavior he was displaying, it was hard to tell if he was a child, or a teen equivalent and undersocialized. 

And overhead, the statues of seven unmistakable, iconic Disney villains loomed. I recognized all of them. They were my childhood. Types of their flaws, foibles and virtues had been prevalent in a number of original stories and remakes.

Thank goodness whatever isekai BS brought me here is letting me understand their language whether I hear it or read it. 

The inscriptions of each statue were evocative but vague.

“‘The Queen of Hearts’. ‘The Sea Witch’, ‘The Fairest Queen’. I wonder why none of their names are shown...”

Some names were not given in the original tales. But there were most of them who did have names.

“Huh, you're right, they don't show the names.” Grim affirmed, whiskers twitching and his ears swiveling towards the statues. “Nya, who are all these people, henchman?”

I wasn't sure what to answer here. There had been a few instances when people would swear by ‘the Great Seven’. And if these people had statues built to them in all sincerity...

Yeah, my take on all of these people probably shouldn't be mentioned.

“I'm just as in the dark as you are.”

A little white lie. Likely the first of many I would tell in this bizarre dream.

A short laugh sounded from behind and I glanced back. The student had red orange hair that just barely fell into his eyes, startling red eyes and a mischievous grin. His uniform looked very new and still had some creases from being unworn and his tie and armband were red.

Oh yeah, you're gonna be a problem.

“Wow, what kind of rock have you been living under if you don't know the Great Seven?”

I felt a flicker of annoyance and leveled a deadpan at him.

“I'm not from Twisted Wonderland, wiseguy.”

His expression shifted from taunting to genuine surprise.

“Wait, for real?”

“You get to put on your resume that you've met an alien. You're welcome.”

I picked up the dustpan full of ashes now that it was cool from Grim blasting it, and dumped it into the garbage can the Headmage had given us. A large, sturdy thing that was barely a quarter full.

The place he gave me to live may be a few stiff breezes away from collapsing on itself. But his janitorial equipment is top tier.

“Can't say that yet. I don't know your name.”

I gave the boy a sidelong look, feeling a small smirk form.

“I said it to the Dark Mirror last night. You must have been standing really far back to not have heard it.”

Or, and I had a hunch this was more likely, I just heard this guy saying he skipped out on a school ceremony that appeared to be pretty important given how some people reacted to Grim interrupting it. His grin went rigid for a split second then he recovered.

“Well. You didn't exactly shout it.”

“True.” You totally ditched last night. “I'm Yuu.” For the time being at least, I am Yuu.

I offered a hand to see what he would do. To his credit, he took it and shook it. Albeit a bit weakly. There was no respect to be found here and I steeled myself for the trouble I could almost smell coming.

“Ace Trappola from Heartslabyl. When you get a chance, you should look into the Great Seven. They're a pretty big deal around here.”

“I figured given the statues.”

I was staying neutral, still suspicious of Ace, no matter how friendly and helpful he may seem. But Grim had no such reservations and launched into questions about the statues. And the freshman complied, presenting each member of the Great Seven with the air of a natural showman.

The Queen of Hearts looked pompous and proper. The virtue of Severity was what her dorm espoused.

You can't see on here just how batspit crazy she is portrayed. Or that she was perfectly happy to behead a literal child and change laws on a whim to appease her pride. Mary Elizabeth Heart is not a monarch worth respecting to most any reasonable person.

This was assuming a major thing however: that this culture would be one that I considered reasonable. And that she was actually in the wrong.

This thought did make me listen very closely to try and figure out what the situation actually was. Were these people actually good people? Or were they villains who had won and thus the retelling of their story had changed?

The story King of Beasts made me grateful that Grim and Ace weren't paying attention to me. Because Scar's reign had not been marked by triumph, happiness or inclusivity for all. And I noted that Ace's story of his exploits in uniting his nation made no mention of his brother or nephew.

Well for him, I can see why his name wouldn't be shown. In one lore, his name literally meant ‘trash’, and in the other he got labeled ‘Scar’ for getting injured in some way in a humiliating accident.

I was still very concerned at the prospective fratricide, regicide, child endangerment, emotional blackmail, that might be swept under the rug for this tale. But Ace was moving on to Ursula's statue, her broad grin sending an unpleasant shiver down my spine as she held up a contract.

Benevolent? No. No, absolutely not.

 Treason, identity theft, abuse of power, were all crimes. But my beef with Ursela was her manipulating a naive child for her own gain, blackmailing a well intentioned father for his child's safety, and trying to sabotage the success of one of her ‘clients’. And I doubted it was the first time she had done any of the above. No, Prince Eric could turn her into takoyaki and I wouldn't feel a smidgen of guilt.

I glanced at the statue of the Noble Vizier and shivered.

Jafar's portrayed behavior towards Jasmine had first taught me was sexual harassment looked like. Add the blatant attempted murder, exploitation and enslavement of beings who couldn't refuse him? Yeah, lock him up in that ‘itty bitty living space’, throw away the key and sink that lamp into lava.

The Fairest Queen looked down from her carved visage as though we were all beneath her.

Don't look so snooty, your majesty. Your crimes include but are not limited to, several counts of attempted murder, child abuse, child exploitation, physical and emotional neglect, and resisting arrest. Though compared to the rest of your rap sheet, that last one is pretty tame.

Her name was not ever mentioned in the classic Disney portrayal. But I knew it. Queen Grimhilde was her name. She was not just ��evil queen’. 

It would be easier to see you all as people if they didn't just talk about your role and actually told me about you.

That thought did make me speak up.

“How come none of these statues have names? They had such big accomplishments, but they're only referred to by their titles.”

That drew Ace up short who genuinely looked bemused.

“Well for some of them, their descendants are still around today. So if their names were known all over the place, then it could cause problems for them, see?”

“I guess.” Ok, explain the freaking lion having descendants that we could encounter or recognize. I'll wait.

“Hey, hey tell me about this sharp looking guy!”

It totally tracked that Grim would be excited by the guy whose head was literally on fire. Hades had some positive portrayals in the media I knew, but this iteration just felt...slimy. Like every bad stereotype of a used car salesman. And there was the whole, end of times apocalyptic scheme...and still more functional slavery and exploitation.

I understand that some creative license has to be taken, but the Titans generally didn't discriminate over which gods they killed. And since a lot of them are imprisoned in Tartarus that makes Hades their warden, not their brother or leader.

It was a point of creative conflict that I couldn't quite reconcile. And the other part of it being if he was so tired of being overworked, getting a promotion to ‘king of everything’ wasn't exactly going to help his situation.

And then the last statue. The most enigmatic of villains in one respect. And a sympathetic one in another depending on which story you knew. A single pair of horns crowned her head in a regal bearing that no tiara or royal regalia could match. She stood straight, but I couldn't help but see, or maybe imagine, was she leaning on the staff she held for support? The statue was certainly meant to be imperial and invoke the spirit of nobility that the dorm built in her honor espoused. But the thought persisted in the back of my mind, was she as strong and immovable as she appeared or was she hiding a crippling vulnerability. Stone eyes gazed over my head as the word escaped my lips.

“Maleficent...”

There was an instant shiver in the air. A palpable response that made me clamp my lips shut and vow to not speak that name aloud again. Fairies were all about names. They could be used to get someone's attention, summon supernatural beings or enthrall someone. It was a huge mistake to forget that even for a moment. Rookie mistake for someone who liked to think of themselves as genre savvy.

Thankfully, the idiot duo beside me hadn't seemed to notice my slip up. And judging by the malicious grin that was slipping out of Ace's poker face, whatever joke he'd been setting up at Grim's expense was about to play out.

~~~~~~~~~

Intellectually, I knew that the headmage had to deliver some kind of punishment to all of us. But at risk of sounding like an angsty teenager: It was so not fair that he put any of this bullshit on me.

Yeah, I'd persuaded Grim into helping me scare the ghosts away when they'd frightened us both last night. And he had been more than willing to show off for the head of the institution he desperately wanted to be part of afterwards. But keeping his cool against blatant provocation? When he had seen first hand how the cat reacted to being challenged? That was something I would take no responsibility for. Not when Grim had done exactly as I had intended for him to and acted as my defense. I didn't have the capability to stand up for myself since my not having magic was the first and likely only thing people would recall about me.

Crowley was adoptnig a slightly patronizing tone, like he was speaking to someone very slow.

“You were in no danger, Yuu. He attacked a student without-”

“Don't you dare say it was without cause. Trappola was looking to provoke that kind of response and approached us fully intending to get it. A fact that you as an educator doubtless knew would occur, given your immense experience with how your own students typically behave. In fact, given the extremely convenient timing of your arrival, I must speculate that you were in fact watching and waiting for this very thing to happen.”

I was then made privy to the bizarre sight of someone sweating through a mask. I must have struck a nerve. Even Ace’s belligerent defense of his actions was cut off by the sight of arguably the most influential person in all of Night Raven College looking like a child caught with the cookie jar lid askew and crumbs on his face. That is to say: Guilty.

“You have no way of knowing that, Yuu. Th-this is highly irregular!”

Crowley stuttered through a meager defense. I shut it down flatly.

“I come from a world without magic, headmage, not a world without teenagers.”

More subtly saying: what kind of an idiot do you think I am?

~~~~~~~~~~

The encounter still ended with the three of us being given the detention of windows to be washed. 100 of them.

“This smells like another set up.” I groused to a ghost who worked in the kitchen. “I've been given an assignment but none of the power or authority to fulfill it. It'll have to be a cold day in hell if Ace shows up for that assignment of his own accord.”

The ghost who had introduced himself as Renier, hummed, the vague impressions of mousey ears peeking out from under his chef's hat.

“That wouldn't surprise me. Night Raven Students respect power, not authority. And so long as you have no power, you'll get no respect.

“Thank you for summing that up.”

“Seconds?”

My sarcastic remark was blithely offset by the chef offering ore food with uplifted ladle and a smile. I sighed and offered up my bowl because the man had made a banging potato and leek soup. Creamy, bracing, with a sprinkle of excellent complimentary spices and a sprinkle of chopped bacon. Getting actual food in me had done wonders for my mood. I actually felt like I could get through the afternoon without committing homicide. Or whatever it was called when a beastman was brutally murdered.

“Yes please.”

Grim pawed at my leg, whiskers shiny from when he had polished off his second bowl.

“What’re you so salty for, henchman? I'll give them all a good thrashing and everyone will bow down to the Great Grim! You'll get a boost by extension.”

I patted the fiery hellcat's ears fondly, but with more of a grimace than a smile to offer him.

“Remember what I said last night? Setting things on fire isn't a good way to make a school want you as a student. And that includes other students. I hate needing to knuckle under to them when they're being jerks, but this is the only place you and I have got for now.”

Given the presence of villains from Disney stories lauded as heroes, icons and role models, even my vast knowledge of Disney was useless. Simply assuming everything was reversed seemed like a bad idea all around. Grim didn't know much more than I did about the non-monster population and the one person who had volunteered any info had been looking to yank my chain.

A warmed bowl was placed back in my hands and Renier gave me a smile. He was much more distinct from the Ghosts of Ramshackle, likely because he was still younger and more recently deceased. He actually looked more human if you ignored the little rodent ears and thin whip-like tail. Just a bit pale, slightly blue and see through. 

“Sounds like you've got a lot to worry about.”

I sighed, taking my spoon up again, though my appetite was trying to slip away.

“Yeah. This time yesterday, I didn't have to worry about becoming homeless if I tried to preserve my own dignity.” The thought came, mirthless and sardonic. “Or becoming homeless if my current roof collapses on my head.”

“It's a tight spot, no bones about that.”

Renier sounded like he was thinking about something. Porter, an older ghost who acted as the pasties, seemed to be listening in as well. His cheeks were flushed a slightly darker shade of blue, mirroring a rosy complexion in a living person. He had a comfortable, rounded look to him with wisps of curling hair tucked under a chef's cap.

The sympathetic ear was making me want to spill my guts. But I wasn't optimistic that this would improve. And this was all still the first day.

“I must sound silly to you, worrying about these things.”

“Not silly, dear. Sad.” Mr Porter said kindly, depositing a fresh cookie on a napkin in my lap. “Most people your age never need to worry about the sorts of things you've gotten dumped on you in a terribly short amount of time. And if you bottle it all in, you will go mad.”

“It's only been one day, Mr Porter.”

I ignore how meek my voice sounds. How shaky it feels. Just a hair away from cracking. Grim was eyeing the cookie on my lap, but also trying to watch for Reiner's sharp, whip crack tail which had had used to swat him away from going after my food. Which I appreciated.

Because 24 hours ago, my biggest worry was a school math test. Now I had to deal with essentially being kidnapped from my home with no money, identity or place to turn to. I was totally dependant on Crowley's whims for the time being. And I did not not trust the flamboyant bird.

I had never been so scared in my life when I woke up this morning and realized that the events in the Mirror Chamber had not been a dream.

The ghostly hand patted my shoulder gently. The care and empathy showing in Mr Porter's soft gaze making me feel even more weak and vulnerable.

“Indeed. Much more has happened to you in a single day than should ever happen to anyone.”

“It doesn't change that it's my problem to deal with now, unfair or not.”

A second cookie was placed oon top of th first and one was handed to Grim so he would leave my treat alone. Reiner looked much like his assistant. Understanding and compassionate in a way that I couldn't help but believe.

“Certainly not, Yuu. And we can't fix everything about your situation. But just know that my kitchen is always going to be open to you.”

The ghost of a rat beastman moved me to tears right then. Just a few little tears before I steeled myself to go back out and face a world that would not have much mercy for me. But here, I'd rely on the old idiom that ‘dead men tell no tales’ and grieve for a little while.

~~~~~~~~~~

Yuu washed her bowl, cajoled Grim into helping her, and left the kitchen to return to work with a word of thanks. And a comment that had made the chef pause and think.

“I like the use of white pepper instead of black. It smooths out the flavor profile and complements the butteriness of the potatoes.”

 Reiner watched her go, ghostly nails drumming silently on the counter as he gnawed the inside of his cheek. A look he had seen once before on Chef Gus, a world renowned chef who had taken a chance on a young rat beastmen. Mr Porter eyed the younger ghost, waiting.

Reiner had defied all odds to go from being a homeless gutter rat, almost literally, to advancing to a 5 Star Chef with his ghostly mentor's aid. Even now, he remained frozen in the prime of his life, the age he had achieved his goal. And doubtless Yuu's blunt, pragmatic words had impacted him more than he had been willing to show. Now with the display of her appreciation of food...

“Mr Porter, would you say there's enough prep work to validate the addition of a kitchen helper?”

Mr Porter slowed in his swift peeling of potatoes for the evening meal.

“I believe such an argument could be made, chef.”

“And would the coalition be willing to back a still living soul?"

He kept working methodically.

“You'd have to ask Alfonse, Barry and Hugh. Ramshackle's still a dorm of the school and their its only ‘students’. If it's been long enough, I think there could be some very obscure sort of rules that would allow someone in Miss Yuu's situation, as a nonentity in any governing system, to be claimed under the Nether's protection and a Spirit Guide program be instated for her-”

The chef's thin tail slapped into a counter as he puffed through the floor. If Mr Porter were a betting man, he'd wager Reiner was making his way to Ramshackle to collect additional backing from its three ghostly residents to get Yuu some sort of guardian.

One that would actually see to her care and well being.

 The Dark Mirror seemed to be obscuring her gender from registering as unusual to anyone. Either a small courtesy, or a massive insult. Crowley would absolutely behave differently if he knew he was forcing manual labor in a hostile environment on a girl. No, for some reason, the Dark Mirror called Yuu here, and was determined to not allow her to leave regardless of her own safety.

The saying ‘dead men tell no tales’ had several interpretations and roots. One being, that the grave was the keeper of many secrets. Another was that the dead didn't lie. But the true meaning of it was this: Ghosts don't gossip about their own.

Yuu was alone in the world, not a living soul to turn to save a direbeast. And she was living in Ramshackle, had been accepted by the school as a student yet was not placed in one of the living dormitories. On paper, she did not exist. Even the dead were allowed the dignity of an obituary and death certificate. But she had no existence save her presence to show anything about herself. Even if she managed to scrape by and make a living, she would be trapped by the lack of documents and identification.

If the living world would reject her, then the Nether would claim her and see to it that she got to live. Regardless of what the Dark Mirror seemed determined to inflict on her.

Mr Porter hurried to complete the prep and reorganize the standard procedures to allow for a living person to assist in them in the kitchen. Reiner had decided that Miss Yuu was going to be sponsored by the Netherworld and he would be the one to do assume responsability for her. And he had high hopes that he would do well. He certainly would have to work very hard to do worse than Crowley.

“Welcome to the house of the dead, Yuu. We'll look after you.”

A/N

This will not follow the main story blow by blow and I cannot promise regular update schedule. Hope y'all enjoyed!

[resurrection-of-soul]

Flashback | BIOHAZARD 9

Writer: Akira (日日日)

Characters: Koga, Rei, Kaoru, Adonis, Keito

Keito: That's... Otogari, was it? And what's this about "vampires"? What are you going on about? Rei: (Genuinely, what am I going on about?)

[ For the best viewing experience, please read directly on my blog! ♪ ]

Koga: (Nn~…?)

Rei: (? Whatever is the matter, Koga? Is there something bothering you?)

Koga: (Sorta. I'm just wonderin' how Adonis is holdin' up. I mean, we barely had anythin' to do with him around this time, right?)

Rei: (I was acquainted with him prior to this. If memory serves, after I facilitated his introduction to thee, the two of you began to take lessons together, yes?)

Koga: (Yea. But it was only from time to time, we didn't really make a habit of it or anythin' 'til way later… Not 'til he officially joined us.) (In other words, we only started hangin' out regularly after DEADMANZ was reborn as UNDEAD.) (What the heck was he actin' so reserved for back then? He wouldn't even show up to lessons unless I kept botherin' him about it.)

Rei: (That child can be surprisingly shy for such a tough-looking boy. 'Twas especially so back then.) (That said, once he opens his heart to someone, he becomes sweetly, wholeheartedly devoted to them. That part of him is quite reminiscent of thee, is it not? Both Kaoru-kun, as well as Puppy¹ ♪)

Koga: (Hah? Who the hell're you callin' a dog when you're the one who can't stop waggin' your tail at us right now?) ²

Kaoru: (Ahaha. To be honest, I'm kinda curious about Adonis-kun's whereabouts too. In a situation as incomprehensible as this, I'd like it if we could stick together, y'know?)

Koga: (Ngh~ Hnnnngh~! Damn, it's no good. Seems like we really can't separate from our past selves, huh? It's gonna be hard to search for Adonis like thi—)

Adonis: (There is no need to search.) (I am right here.)

Kaoru: (Is that you, Adonis-kun?!) (That gave me quite a scare… You've gotta, like, properly let us know if you're there, okay?)

Adonis: (I'm sorry. I was confused by the situation and did not understand what was going on until I heard your conversation.)

Rei: ('Tis completely understandable. After all, though we can hear one another's voices, our eyes perceive naught.) (Even when in close proximity to one another, 'tis impossible to discern another's presence until words are spoken.)

Adonis: (Yes. I'm not a very talkative person, so I'm at a bit of a disadvantage and having a hard time dealing with the situation.)

Koga: (Speakin' of which. We're just standin' around chattin' like it's normal, but why are you even here, Adonis?)

Adonis: (Do you mean that philosophically?)

Koga: (That ain't it! I just mean there's that whole thing where we can only exist here if we stick close to our past selves 'n— Ah damn it, now I'm lost too!)

Kaoru: (Feels like I'm gonna lose my mind at this rate… But um, basically, if Adonis-kun is here, the past Adonis-kun should also be nearby, or something like that?) (That's like, totally weird, right? I mean, we didn't hang out at all back then?)

Adonis: (I also thought it was weird. For some reason, Sakuma-senpai attacked me earlier.)

Rei: (Huh? Have I erred again, somehow?)

Adonis: (It wasn't the "wagahai" Sakuma-senpai, but rather the "ore-sama" Sakuma-senpai.)

Rei: (Thank you for the easy-to-follow explanation. However, thinking back on it, I do not believe I ever truly referred to myself using "ore-sama.") (Just where has that misconception come from? I, for one, would lay the blame solidly at Koga's feet. As he has modeled himself after my former self, everyone is simply swept up under the mistaken assumption that I once spoke as he— )

Koga: (The hell? You tryin' to say Adonis gettin' attacked was my fault?)

Rei: (Nay, 'twas not my intention… I meant only to say this situation is truly bizarre.) (All four members of UNDEAD, whose paths rarely crossed back in this era, have now gathered together here. Yet I have no recollection of any such event. Just what is the cause of the discrepancy between this scene and our memories? And, more pressingly, what meaning does that discrepancy hold?)

Adonis: (If you cannot figure it out, then there is no way we can.)

Rei: (Yet I am also not an omniscient and omnipotent god… Ah, quiet a moment. It seems something important is occuring between our past selves.)

Rei: Haha. Sorry ya had to go through the trouble of comin' all the way out here, but the case has already been solved. The culprit behind the "vampire attacks" is this guy.

Adonis: …

Keito: That's… Otogari, was it? And what's this about "vampires"? What are you going on about?

Rei: (Genuinely, what am I going on about?)

Adonis: (Even if you ask me, I do not know either.) (I do remember an incident occurring around this time. But I do not remember anything about vampires.) (Actually, wasn't that incident the reason we became UNDEAD?)

Rei: (Ahh, now that thou dost mention it… I do indeed recall something of the like. What fond memories.) ('Twas both DEADMANZ's final case, as well as UNDEAD's first.)

[ ☆ ]

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Rei doesn't actually call Koga "wanko" here, however…

This line translates literally to "Who's the one wagging his tail at who?" In JP, to "wag your tail" is a saying meaning to flatter/suck up to someone. So, following on from Rei's speech about how sweet they all are, the implication is very much a combination of "man, you're being embarrassingly mushy right now" and "okay now who's the dog here?" but the latter would be a nonsensical statement to just suddenly insert into this convo in ENG, and I didn't want to ditch the dog pun completely (Koga makes so many dog puns).

[eisheartoffantasy]

Entry #16. How Do You Love? How Do You Lie?

Corny title, I know. But it's my journal. My feelings.

Anyways, the girl I mentioned whom I have a crush on — let's call her Silvia — is still very much in my life.

The way she teasingly tells me good night, calls me by those silly nicknames she randomly comes up with, shares all her bizarre dreams and listens to me talk about mine... I'm in love with it.

When my dark thoughts take over, typically when I'm overworked or in a depressive episode at night, the thing I want to do the most is to text or call her. When something positive happens in my life (which honestly isn't that often of an occurrence), the person I want to share it with is her.

But the clearest sign of my crush on her is my jealousy. We have a mutual friend, whom I shall call Hana, who is by my perception closer to her. My main reason for this conclusion is that while I've given Silvia numerous gifts, she hasn't given me as many and yet she's given Hana quite a lot. That is not to assume she treats Hana better than she treats me objectively — for all I know, maybe Hana has given her more gifts herself, but that would suggest even more strongly that the two of them are closer.

Wow...I'm reading the above paragraph right after I finished writing it. What an over-analysis, huh?

I got quite jealous for sure, even verging on resentment towards Hana. So what did I do?

I befriended Hana. I made sure to be as nice to her as possible. I did it to the point where Hana explicitly told me that I'm one of the coolest girls she's met, and I feigned confidence in response, telling her that being thought of as cool is a great source of motivation to become even cooler.

Genuinely, Hana is an absolute sweetie. If it weren't for my unrequited (and unknown) feelings for Silvia, I'm sure I could be very close friends with her. In fact, if my feelings weren't in the way, the three of us could be such an iconic trio of best friends. Silvia, the most sociable and experienced in life to enlighten us with knowledge and hope; Hana, the "cinnamon roll" who deserves to be totally spoiled by us like a little sister; me, the cool one who brings tons of laughter and will wholeheartedly support my besties through any difficult situation.

If only I wasn't so petty.

If...only...I...wasn't...in...love.

Of course, my feelings can NOT become known. At the very least not right now, not in my current mental state — to put it simply, I haven't been my best self. I'm still depressed and anxious half the time, barely finding a direction in life. Silvia is like a beam of sunshine in my gloom-filled world, and I'm quite certain a romantic confession would ruin our friendship. Even if Silvia herself is unfazed by it, I know I would feel embarrassed to the point where my depression would worsen into an endless spiral, ultimately leading to an emotional explosion and to me losing even more than our friendship.

Plus, Silvia has a husband whom I'm also acquainted with. I can't do this to a married couple, even if the most likely outcome is that they'll just see me as a younger friend who developed an insignificant crush that'll naturally fade with aging.

So for now, I must keep lying. It's a harmless lie.

Well, I guess it's a little harmful to myself...but in this situation the truth is more harmful. And the truth is potentially harmful to other parties as well. So it's only clear which way the scale should tilt.

Silvia, Hana, I want to become close friends with both of you in the future, when I'm out of my mental health limbo. This part I'll never lie about.

Ei, you're in love with Silvia right now, that's okay and I allow you to possess this crush for as long as you feel it...but you must not make it known to anyone who knows you in real life. Hence why I'm allowing for this entry to be written. But this is where it stops, alright?

If questioned, you just lie. You tell them that you're still battling depression and other mental illnesses. Say you're slowly healing, which isn't a lie really. It's modified truth and it's the option that does minimal damage.

With warmth and hopefulness,

Ei

[icharchivist]

You know what, I'm glad they use the extended time of the "Remake" (because it's not a remake, you know what I mean, you get me) to develop the characters and their relationships more

Of course it sucks if they miss and miss hard, but as long as the highs are high, I'm happy for you <3

THANKS <333

And yEAH honestly

like, they extended the game a lot and i'm glad when those are for characters' studies. When they really want to spend more time with the characters so that their development feels here and earned, and you really feel how close they become. For all the way the game isn't a straight remake, it really manages to highlight the big points of each characters' journeys and give a thoughtful build up in between.

There's also sometimes where they add stuff, like Tifa feeling conflicted about what they're doing is not really in the OG, at least not at this point, but it works, it plays on what we know of her personality as well, so it's nice they expended on that. Or even actual backstories and characters for Jessie Bigg and Wedge helps a lot also building their point.

I've seen them fumble some characters later on, but at least the straight extentions that exists out of it being a remake, are generally pretty interesting

the problem is really the whole plotline that makes it "not a remake", once you see it you can't stop seeing it Sephiroth shouldn't be there, and i hate how many scenes that are touching gets interrupted bc of that. (Aerith and Cloud's first meeting, that is genuinely charming in the original, being made almost entierely about the Specters and Sephiroth is one of my villain origin story, they didn't need to do that like holy shit dude.)

and i do think the remake is a lot less subtle than the OG on points that *are there* but are kept lowkey for a reason in the OG. Like Cloud being mentally unstable, which is far more focused on in the remake (+ his new visions from the future), is kept more lowkey in the main game in a way that gradually gets worse in worse -- the first time Cloud blacks out you're like huh. that's weird. anyway. And then the more it happens the more worried you get. But i think the Remake, with all the flash effects and adding more triggers than Cloud had eend up lampshading it too much. And also he shouldn't have visions from the future but yaknow.

The remake also goes a little too hard to really show just how much Shinra is making things worse to make Avalanche seem bad, while also constantly undercutting the branch we're in by saying we're not as radical as the other branches. It's hinted at in the Original game, but since you're limited to Cloud's perspective (which itself is unreliable), you don't actually see, like in the remake, Shinra make things worse on purpose. and it kinda bugs me because this ambiguity is the core of a character conflict between Barret and Cait Sith later on, which personally i find really interesting. But considering they're also NOT subtle about Cait Sith in the remake the whole thing feels handled in a very bizarre manner.

Personally i think the Propaganda machine in the OG being this uncertain, also reflects ultimately Cloud losing grasps on reality as well. When you only have the infos Cloud really has, everything can be questioned, and in a sense the propaganda lying ends up being in this same nebulous area that, say, Sephiroth's later manipulation will be, of taking the truth and just twisting it just enough that you end up doubting yourself about it. Aka "the game is working hard to gaslighting you as well as it gaslight Cloud". And i feel that by lampshading it because it comes with the "not remake" angle of "well you know what's up with Cloud anyway so let's just show you more", you lose a big part of the plotline.

and maybe i'm just a purist but i think we would need proper discussion on how propaganda have you question your own grasp on reality more now than we did in 1997, but what can i say.

I ended up complaining while i was being positive for once Nooooo

So yeah i mean, the game has a lot of good strength especially if you're a fan of the OG because it does give deep dives where it's needed. It's just wild that the "bad" stuff are just also stuff that feels so disconnected from the original game as well.

But i AM having fun and i do feel a lot of feelies over how i love and care for those characters.

so at least it's nice <3

[deepdarkdelights]

Solar Eclipse (Hoseok x Reader)

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Word Count: 16.9k

Warnings: 18+, Yandere, Stalking, Obsession, Forced Relationships, Fear, Panic/Anxiety, Devious Intentions, Talks about Mental Health, Mentions of Suicide, Dub Con, Forced Implants, Death, The Afterlife, Heights, Jumping from Heights

I do not condone the acts displayed in this story nor do I believe any members of BTS would actually engage in this type of behavior. This is simply written for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as a reflection of my own values, opinions, or morals. 

Preview:  His smile drifted away, it was like watching the moon slip over the sun into a solar eclipse. The Hoseok you were left with was one that had a cold, stricken expression that bled disbelief.

This look on his face, although more genuine than anything else you had seen, was capable of sending your entire body into a panicked frenzy. Something in the back of your mind was telling you, no, begging you to run. The instincts that had been fostered in you from generations before were telling you this man was dangerous, and you were better off fleeing than sticking around to see what would happen. 

“I dare you, say that to me one more time baby and you won’t like what happens next.”

A/N: This was supposed to be 10k...how did we get here. This story was heavily inspired by Beautiful Accident and Wonderful Nightmare! Both amazing movies I recommend that never fail to get me in my feels. I hope you enjoy this wild ride! See you in the comments! 💜💜💜

Your hands were hurting again.

The light from your computer screen was blaringly bright, causing you to momentarily cease your endless scrolling and remove your glasses from the bridge of your nose. You pressed your cool fingers against the warm flesh of your eyelids and tilted your head back against your seat, giving yourself a moment to relax. 

The once cacophonous tapping of another keyboard suddenly halted as your assistant leaned forward in her seat, sliding her laptop shut. 

“You okay, boss?” She asked, her brows pinched together in concern. “Is it a migraine again?”

You exhaled deeply through your nose as you flexed your fingers in an attempt to dispel the ache from them. You were far too young to already be experiencing so many aches and pains. 

“No, I’m just tired.” You admitted as you folded your glasses up and pushed them aside. 

“That’s because you work too much, honestly do you ever sleep? When was the last time you went home?” She chuckled in amusement.

“Ha ha ha, very funny. I’ll have you know I’m faithful to my sleep number, I come home to him every night.” 

“Him? You refer to your mattress as him? Somebody hasn’t gotten laid in a while.” She snorted. 

“I could have you fired for that, that’s sexual harassment you know.” You shot back, amused yet annoyed she had hit a little too close to home. 

“Please, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you fired me.” She laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

Before you could shoot back your response, an abrupt knock on the door stopped the both of you in your tracks. Without saying anything, she rose from her seat and began to cross the room. Knowing she would be able to handle it for you, you reclined deeper into your office chair and slipped your phone out of your desk drawer to sort through your endless amount of notifications. 

You didn’t look up as you heard the door click shut, two sets of footsteps approaching your mahogany desk. 

You could hear somebody clear their throat, their breaths coming out rapidly as if they were anxious. “Y-your coffee, miss.”

Without looking up you merely held out your hand, the warm cup slotting itself into your waiting fingers. You mumbled out a rough thanks as you continued to scroll through your phone, rolling your eyes at the amount of missed calls you had from your mother who, despite knowing your work schedule, persisted in calling you during your office hours. 

You could faintly hear your assistant walking the man to the door, whispering a soft, “Thank you, sweetie,” as the door clicked shut. 

“Really?!” She hissed, once she was sure the man was gone. “You didn’t even look at him!”

“Who? The coffee boy? I didn’t think it mattered.” You said with a shrug, taking a sip from your coffee.

“That wasn’t a coffee boy! That was your intern, jackass!”

“He’s just an intern, Jenny, he won’t be here for long. None of them last around here anyways.” 

Jenny sighed, flopping down into the seat across from you with a pout. “The poor thing was so nervous, you really should be nicer to him. He has such a sweet smile…”

“Oh no, don’t you start one of your schemes again. I don’t have time for men and the last thing I need is for you to start playing cupid. And didn’t I tell you to stop hiring people just because they're attractive?”

“Sweetie, I don’t know if you’re aware, but you're not as young as you think you are. When are you going to settle down, huh? Find a husband, have some cute kids for me to dote on.” 

“Jesus, you’re starting to sound like my mother. I don’t have the time for marriage or for kids, not when I’m busy with this place.” You replied with a stiff tone, this was not the first time the two of you had this conversation. 

“I’m just saying you’re hot, rich, and a CEO, you could literally have any man you want.” She pointed out, the tips of her fingers pressing together in the shape of an arrow. 

“You literally just called me a Sugar Momma.” 

“I mean, they do have websites if you're interested…”

“Okay, you win, I’m leaving early. I can’t deal with your obnoxious ass anymore.” You said, standing up so quickly your chair shot back and turned on its wheels. 

“Jenny: 72, You: None.” Your assistant laughed, adding a point to her imaginary scoreboard.

“I was going to say call me if you need anything, but please don’t.” You chuckled, grabbing your blazer from the coat rack and sliding it around your shoulders before picking up your purse. 

“Don’t worry boss, I’ll hold down the fort.” She said, giving you a quick salute as she stood and began to gather her things. “Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.”

You pressed your lips together tightly in an attempt to hide the hint of a smile on your mouth as she exited your office. She was the only person you talked to like that, you were a rather antisocial boss. You tended to come off as cold and callous to your employees, but in reality you just really didn’t like talking to others when it wasn’t necessary. It had taken four years for you and Jenny to become as close as you did, in fact she was the only person you could truly call your friend. 

You had grown up in an isolated world, one filled with tutors and home schooling as you were groomed to take over one of the branches of your family's business. You had siblings, but you rarely ever saw them. They too were consumed by their work and their families, in fact you were the youngest of them and couldn’t remember a time where all of you lived together in one household. There were four of you in total, you only saw each other at holidays and your parents annual Christmas gala. You were by no means close.

You had grown comfortable being alone and frigid. It was safe and it was efficient. 

Your entire life had been one of isolation, the only amount of warmth bleeding into the bleak monotone schemes of your world was Jenny. And the amount you had let in was minimal. 

It was better being alone, you told yourself. 

You adjusted your purse on your shoulder as your office door swung shut behind you. The building was still fairly active, everyone was in a rush to complete their work before the sun completely dipped below the horizon. That was something you enjoyed about your building. The walls were littered with floor to ceiling windows allowing the ochre tones of sunlight to bleed into the bright white and concrete interior, soft dappled light dancing over hard edges. 

You paused for a moment by the windows, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt the warmth of the sun caress your face, its fleeting light still permeable through your closed eyelids creating a golden halo in your vision. You gave yourself two breaths worth of silence and stillness before your eyes snapped open once more and you hastily made your way to the elevator that would send you to your floor of the parking garage. 

You waited patiently for the elevator, one of your legs extended in front of you as you rolled your foot from side to side on the precarious talon of your red bottom heels. Once you heard the doors sliding open and the familiar ding of the elevator you raised your chin slowly, your eyes half lidded in boredom as you met the expressions of your employees. There were two of them inside the metal contraption, their eyes wide in alarm at the sight of you. You tilted your head slightly to the side, and like you had cracked a whip they scuttled out of the elevator and hurried past you without a word. 

You huffed in annoyance to yourself as you headed inside, you had no idea what their problem was and you pondered if there was any reason to write them up for their bizarre behavior. Perhaps not. 

The elevator hummed as it steadily dropped floors, the soft music effectively worsening your mood. You hated elevator music. 

As soon as the doors slid open you jetted out of them, your heels tapping noisily in the quiet garage. You slid your bag from your shoulder and busied yourself by trying to find your keys. You hissed to yourself as you tripped and almost went flying, multitasking and heels did not go together. You stopped for a moment, opening your bag wider as you tried to find the little ring of keys buried in the depths of your purse. 

The second your fingers brushed the cool metal you released an annoyed breath, throwing your purse back over your shoulder as you flicked through your key ring, grasping the fob that went to your car.

Despite having what you had previously been looking for, you did not move. Instead, you looked around warily, pivoting on your heels as you scanned the area around you.

You could have sworn you heard footsteps.

You waited silently for a few more moments, listening for signs that another person was there with you. 

You heard no other breaths, nor the sounds of approaching or retreating footsteps.

You weren’t going to wait around any longer just to find out you were wrong. 

You swiftly made your way to your VIP parking spot, unlocked the doors, and threw yourself into the car while making sure to lock the doors as soon as you were seated. 

Your mother had begged you for months to get a bodyguard. You were a young woman with lots of money and the heir to a massive enterprise. You should not be walking around as if you were a normal person. It was only now that you were beginning to think that your mother was right. 

Not wanting to dwell on dark thoughts any longer, you pushed your key into the ignition, and peeled out of the parking garage a little faster than normal. 

As your anxiety slowly drained from your body, you began to feel the effects of lack of sleep. Jenny was not wrong, you were considering the fact that maybe you had a touch of insomnia. Either that or you were simply a workaholic. Honestly, it could be both. 

You switched the radio on, picking a classic rock station and dialing the volume up to the point you could feel your leather seats vibrating beneath you with each clash of the drums emanating from the speakers. 

But even that was just barely doing its job. Your eyes were still stinging like they had been moments before at your desk. You were undeniably as exhausted as you were a safety hazard. You clenched the steering wheel harder, the flesh of your skin pulling tightly over your knuckles as you attempted to stay awake. It wasn’t that far of a ride, you could make it home. 

But that thought didn’t stop your eyelids from drooping shut, it was nearly impossible to keep them open, they were so heavy you were struggling to reopen them every time you blinked. 

Your eyes stayed closed much longer now than they had before, and upon opening them again a scream of shock bubbled up your throat. 

A flash of black fur shot across your narrow vision as you frantically spun the steering wheel and slammed on your breaks. A band of horns beeped behind and beside you as you swerved dramatically into the next lane.

Your car had been mere inches from swerving right in front of an eighteen wheeler. 

Your hand fluttered frantically against your chest, your heart pounding back against it in shock. 

You had almost died. 

You gathered yourself up before stomping down on the accelerator and speeding away, dodging the massive vehicle you had almost hit in the opposite lane. The shock of adrenaline you were experiencing from that frightening event was more than enough to keep you awake now. You only had one goal in mind and that was to make it home in one piece. 

The minute you slid back into your regular parking spot you allowed yourself to slump back into the driver's seat, blinking wildly as you recalled the sight of the headlights and the cacophony of car horns from moments prior. You really need to get your shit together. 

~~~~~~~

By the time you made it up to your apartment the exhaustion had returned full force. You toed off your shoes tiredly, stumbling over them with an annoyed grunt as you threw your purse down to the floor. You could really do without your sudden lack of coordination. 

Far too tired to even care, you immediately began stripping your clothes off at the front door. You carelessly threw your blazer aside and shimmied off your skirt as you began to walk, leaving a trail of clothes behind you as you headed for your bedroom. The housekeeper would deal with it in the morning anyways, it didn’t matter where they ended up. 

Your pajamas from the previous night were waiting for you at the foot of your bed, folded up into a neat little pile contrasting greatly from your current care for your clothing. You happily sighed as you pulled the creamy, cashmere sweater over your head and stepped into a pair of silk sleep shorts. This was what you had been waiting for all day. 

That, and the bottle of Cheval Blanc tucked away in your liquor cabinet. 

You ran your fingers through your hair tiredly as you made your way to the kitchen, the sound of your bare feet patting against the floor echoed down the long, empty hallway. 

You wasted no time, eagerly pulling open your cabinet and retrieving the expensive bottle of wine along with a crystal glass. You eased the cork free from the bottle, allowing it to roll over your granite counter as you poured the wine into your glass, the liquor bubbling as you filled it to the very top. You were a guilty self medicator, that was for damn sure. 

You hurried back into your living room, wine glass in one hand and a small tray of macarons in the other. There was one thing you were certain of, you were definitely going to drink your fatigue away and indulge in your favorite cookies until you passed out on your couch. You deserved it, after all you were a CEO, an overworked one at that. 

So, there you sat, taking languid sips from your glass and delicate bites from your cookies as you began to catch up on a show you hadn’t had the time to watch in weeks. It was incredibly relaxing, the soft hum of the TV, the feeling of your favorite blanket wrapped around your bare legs, and the soft tapping of rain against your windows. You were set on not moving for the rest of the night. That was of course, until you had to pee.

You groaned in frustration at the thought of having to move, but the call of nature was much stronger than your will to remain sedentary. You leaned forward, setting your food and drink on the coffee table before you violently kicked your legs, fighting your blanket as you attempted to untangle yourself from it. 

The second your toes touched the lush carpet beneath you, a shock of lightning suddenly splintered it’s way through the sky, shards of light refracting through your windows and lighting up the dim room. The soft rumble of thunder followed soon after. 

You froze at the sight, the light rain still tapped against your windows, a dull contrast to the sudden shock of light you had witnessed.

But, what was even more unexpected, was the sight of dark fur and glowing jade eyes staring back at you. There was a cat sitting on your balcony. That should have been impossible, there was no possible way that cat could have made its way there, your building was pet free. 

The sight of its slick coat of black fur tugged at your heart strings. He must be so cold, stuck out in the rain like that. In fact, he looked almost exactly like your childhood cat you had loved to dearly growing up. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to let him in, let him get dry and warm and fill his belly. 

With a new goal in mind you carefully made your way to your sliding glass door, not wanting to spook him too badly lest he jump. The drop would not be a survivable one. 

Despite your valiant efforts, the minute the door clicked and slid open he jumped up onto the fencing and rails that surrounded your balcony. 

“Hey, no, no, no, just stay right there, kitty.” You cooed gently, taking slow and careful steps in his direction. 

The cat fixed you with a penetrating gaze, his bright jade eyes trained on you, watching every step you made as his tail flicked from side to side behind him. 

“That’s a good boy, just stay right there.” You hummed, your hands held up in a show of no malintent as you carefully approached him. “Come on, I just want to help you.”

Just as you were within grabbing reach, your fingers mere inches from touching his silken fur, he lept away, settling on the ledge against the building. He was dangerously close to falling off, the distance from the ledge to the ground far enough to make your toes and fingers tingle. 

“Fuck.” You hissed. 

The cat remained there, his gaze still trained on you. Those bright eyes seemed to be beckoning for you to come and join him, to meet him up on the ledge. 

You quickly shook out your hands and feet as you stared back, your vision tunneling in on him. You could feel the cold air nipping at your bare flesh, goosebumps raising on the skin of your thighs. You could do it. 

You wiped your palms against the fabric of your shorts before grasping the metal railing and carefully lowering yourself over to the other side. You could feel the wind stronger now as it swirled around you, a flash of light overtaking the sky once more as a steady rumble of thunder bounced off of the surrounding buildings. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” You mumbled to yourself, taking in a sharp breath through your nose as you attempted to calm yourself. Just don’t look down, for the love of all that is holy do not look down.

You steadily rose up on to your toes, shimming your way over as you held on tightly to the railing. The sliver of stone beneath your toes was slick from rainfall, as was the metal of the railing beneath your tense fingers. The closer you got to the cat, the further away it seemed to be, either that was the truth or the reality of how high up you were was messing with your head.

The thought you had from earlier suddenly came rushing back to you, the drop wouldn’t be survivable. What a sobering thought. 

You had come to a point now where you wouldn’t be able to hold onto the railing anymore, not if you needed to be able to reach the cat. So, with a shaky breath you released your grip from the railing one hand at a time and quickly latched onto the stone architecture surrounding the windows. The only thing keeping you from falling was the tiny inches of stone beneath your arched feet, and the architecture you were desperately clinging to. 

You slowly turned your head, your gaze meeting the cat’s once more. It’s eyes were almost mesmerizing, there was something about it that was telling you that you needed to get him, that you just needed to pick him up and stay with him. You had no choice but to retrieve him, you felt like you would die if you had to leave him all alone on this ledge. His eyes were drawing you in, causing you to spiral downwards into their hypnotic depths. You needed him. 

He was not moving anymore, he was settled down on his back legs, his tail flicking out dangerously over the edge of the building. You were certain that you could reach him if you tried. 

You slowly lowered yourself into a crouch, releasing your one hand from the side of the building as you reached out, the other hand still holding onto the stone of the window. You leaned forward as calmly as you could, your arm burning from the stretch as you slid over slightly to grab the cat. 

This time the cat did not move away, it remained still, waiting for your touch. 

Both of your arms were completely spread out, your fingers just barely holding onto the building as you finally made it within grabbing distance. And then, it all fell apart.

As soon as your fingers brushed his midnight fur, he jerked away from your touch causing your feet to slip out from underneath you, and your weak hold to completely detach from the wall. 

And then you were falling.

A violent scream ripped its way free from your throat as you went airborne, the last thing you could see was the penetrating emerald glare of the midnight black cat as you plummeted towards the ground. 

No one would know that you had never intended to end your life when you stepped out onto that ledge.

Unwillingly, you had. 

~~~~~~~

You never felt the impact of the ground, and when you opened your eyes you did not find your body mangled or feel any pain. In fact you were no longer even in the city. 

You were already standing, and you were all alone. You turned frantically, spinning as you tried to find out where you were. There was nothing all around you, just cloudy skies, stretching fields of tall grass, old dilapidated fences, and a dusty road of dirt and rocks beneath your feet.

And then of course, there was the bus stop sign beside you. 

You approached the sign in curiosity. The closer you got the more you noticed how strange everything was. Despite there being stones beneath your feet you didn’t feel pain, and the environment wasn’t cold or hot, it was just neutral. And, it was extremely silent. Not a gust of wind blew, no crickets hummed, and there wasn’t a single chirp from a songbird. There was nothing. 

You leaned your upper body forward, looking from side to side for any signs of life. Both ways you could barely see anything, the field seemed to disappear into thick clouds of fog that were impermeable to your sight. 

You decided in that moment you were better off looking for signs of life than you were waiting for them to come find you. But, to your surprise, the second your foot touched down onto the dirt road a bus came rumbling down the road and screeched to a stop in front of you. 

The doors slid open and light flooded the space around you. You squinted as your eyes adjusted to the exposure, your hand creating a visor on your forehead. 

“You getting on or what?” A voice called from inside the bus. 

“Me?” You asked pointing to yourself.

“Of course you, does it look like I’m talking to anyone else?” The voice huffed in annoyance. “I’m already running late. I'd prefer if you didn’t hold us up any longer.”

“Running late?” You whispered to yourself. “And where will you be taking me?” 

There was silence for a moment and then suddenly a raucous laughter that made you jump. “Where am I taking you?! That’s a good one. Come on, let's go.”

You blinked slowly in irritation, the last thing you needed was to be laughed at and dismissed like a child when you had serious questions that you needed answered. 

“Come on newbie! Today!” He yelled, causing you to jump in fright before scurrying onto the bus. 

Upon entering you were met face to face with the bus driver. He had fair skin and pitch black hair with an amused, gummy smile on his face. Apparently, he thought you were hilarious. He said nothing to you this time, he just merely jerked his head in the direction behind him, signaling for you to find a seat. 

Once you turned to face the passengers of the bus you realized it was far longer than it appeared from the outside, in fact it looked like it stretched farther beyond what you could see with copious amounts of passengers. 

The passengers themselves were of all sizes, races, and ages. You could see mothers holding infants and elderly couples cuddled up to one another. Some people seemed to know one another, others looked sad and lonely like the little boy a few seats back. 

You were incredibly confused. 

Unsure as to where you should sit, you finally decided on sitting next to the little boy. 

The second you sat down, you felt his gaze train on you and his little body shift closer to you. 

“Hi,” He whispered, his fingers curling around the fabric of your cashmere sweater and tugging, “My name is Minho.”

You have him a soft smile in return with a gentle whisper of your name. 

“Where’s your mommy, Minho?” You asked, curious as to why this little boy was all alone. 

“I’m going to meet her now.” He replied, with an excited smile, his legs kicking out energetically before he suddenly calmed down. “I wish daddy came with me.”

“Why didn’t your daddy come with you?” You asked, your eyebrows pinching together in confusion. 

“He said I had to go alone, he can’t come with me for a while. He said I’ll be happy with mommy, that I’ll feel better with her.” He said sadly, his lower lip pouting as he rubbed at his teary eyes. 

“You’ll feel better?”

“Mhm, I was sick for a long time. Daddy said it was time for me to see Mommy, he told me it was okay to go to sleep.”

Oh, oh no. Everything was suddenly starting to make sense. You quickly looked over your shoulder and caught sight of the elderly couple you had seen earlier. 

“Hey! You two! What were you doing before you got here?!”

The older man looked up at you with a kind smile as he continued to rub his wife’s shoulder. “We were driving down to visit our son, he was never too good about coming up to see us. Some bad weather hit, we couldn’t see out of the windshield very well. Next thing you know we’re rolling over the guard rail and down the side of the hill!”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

“You! Where were you?!” You yelled at the woman seated across from you. 

“Hm? I went in for surgery, what’s it to you?” She asked with an annoyed grimace on her face. 

“What’s it to me?!” You echoed with a hysterical laugh. You were fucking dead that’s what it was! All of you were!

Your thoughts were racing a hundred miles a minute as you tried to gather yourself, your heart beating frantically as a sick feeling settled in your stomach. You needed to get off the bus, you needed to get far away from all of these people. 

Without thinking you lurched to your feet and gripped the cord above your window, yanking it harshly to signal the bus to stop. 

The bus halted immediately, sending you stumbling forward into the back of the driver’s seat. The bus driver met your panicked face through the reflection of the mirror, a curious light to his pitch black irises. 

“So, we’ve got a challenger? I knew you’d be a stubborn one.” He sighed, hitting the button that sent the doors swishing open. “The guy in charge is out there, you can voice your complaints to him.”

You were far too shocked to vocalize anything, your feet just blindly leading you to the doors. You stopped for a moment, looking over your shoulder to get one quick look at Minho. His little legs were still kicking out in front of him.

“Bye miss!” He called with a little wave and a smile, spurring you off the bus with a quick wave in his direction.

Upon stepping foot off of the bus, you were faced with a dimly lit four way intersection that looked like it had been abandoned for years. You quickly headed towards the center of the road as you caught sight of a tall man waiting for you. 

His face was relaxed, a neutral expression taking over his features. He was dressed fairly well for a man standing in the middle of nowhere. You took notice of his crisp three piece suit and the high shine of his shoes. He was obviously someone who was important, if the bus driver had indicated anything by his statements.  

You didn’t waste any time to hurl your questions at him. “I’m dead aren’t I?! Who are you?! What is this place?!”

“Relax.” He commanded, his voice immediately sending a wave of calmness crashing down over you. 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, before reopening them and waiting in silence for his response. 

“My name is Namjoon, this is the crossroads.” He said, gesturing to the four intersecting roads surrounding you. 

“That is Life,” He said, pointing to the road behind you, “That is Punishment,” the road to his right, “That is Reward,” the road behind him, “And that is Retrial.” The road to his left. 

“Right, that’s fantastic, how do I go back down that road.” You blurted out, pointing to the road behind you.

“Normally, you don’t. But luckily for you, or not so luckily, there was an error made.”

“An error?” You asked. 

“Yes, one of our reapers made a mistake. You aren’t scheduled for processing for quite some time, someone by the same name, sixty years of age, was scheduled for processing today.”

A reaper? What reaper? You hadn’t exactly seen the classic skeletal face cloaked all in black with a scythe in hand had you? Your face screwed up in irritation as you flicked backwards through your memories from earlier that day, trying to remember if you had seen anything that remotely resembled a reaper. 

And then it hit you. 

“That fucking cat!” You screeched, spinning around as you dramatically yelled into the void around you. 

Namjoon winced his posture slightly wilting at your realization. “Yes, that was one of our newer reapers, Taehyung.”

“What kind of operation are you running here? Do I look like I’m sixty years old to you?” You yelled, the panic quelling up in your chest. “You’re going to fix this aren’t you?!”

“Of course! I take my job very seriously!” He shot back. “The only issue is, I can’t send you back to your life just yet.”

“And why not?!”

“Time is a very sensitive and precious thing, as a woman of business I am sure you understand. The other woman still needs to pass and be processed, the events that lead to her demise must be tailored perfectly and set up with the correct timing. Only then can you return, once she is passed with the correct timing the two of you will switch. You can live again and she can be sent down the proper road.” 

“And how long will that take?”

“A few weeks.” He replied vaguely, his body tensed as he waited for your response.

“Weeks?! And what will I do during that time? Do you expect me to follow you around everywhere?”

“Thankfully, no. In the time being, I will have to put you somewhere else, some other place and time. Are you willing to do that?”

“Yes, I’m more than willing. As long as I get my old life back, I don’t care what it takes. Just make it happen.”

“You will, in due time. But listen to me very carefully, you have to follow every aspect of this other life perfectly. You cannot act out of character, you have to act exactly as everyone expects you to. You cannot have contact with anyone from your previous life as well. Understand? If you can’t do that, then you can’t go back.”

You swallowed harshly, a sense of anxiety creeping up inside of you. You had no choice but to accept, your life and had been wrongfully ended far too soon. If that meant doing whatever Namjoon asked of you, you would do it. 

You gave him a swift nod, your hand clenching up into fists.

“Perfect, I’ll have Taehyung escort you down that way.” Namjoon replied, pointing down at the road to his left, Retrial.

Upon hearing his name, Taehyung appeared. He was tall, with honey skin, midnight black curly hair, and bright green eyes. 

The fucking cat. 

Taehyung met you with a sheepish grin and an embarrassed wave, hesitantly coming to your side. He looked nothing like the reaper you had been anticipating. If anything he was a sad excuse for a reaper with the bashful attitude he was presenting you with. 

“Did you really have to use the appearance of my childhood pet to kill me?” You asked, your voice dripping with venom as you crossed your arms over your chest, your bare foot tapping in annoyance. You weren’t exactly the picture of intimidation you normally were.

“I’m sorry.” He replied softly, bowing his head forward in an apologetic manner still refusing to meet your burning gaze.

“I’ll be checking in with you every now and then, please, try to play along with this life.” Namjoon begged, a serious expression evident on his face. Not only did he appear serious, but you could tell he  was also stressed. The fuck up Taehyung had made was evidently a big one. 

“I’ll try my best.” You replied, you knew you had to, or else there was no going back. 

Namjoon gave Taehyung a quick nod, and with that gesture Taehyung grabbed hold of your hand and began to lead you down Retrial. From your perspective, each road was identical, this one too was dusty and littered with stones leading into a seemingly never ending fog. 

The reaper beside you was quiet, his gaze pinned ahead as he focused on his task, leading you down the path of Retrial. 

If only you had known how much of a trial this life truly would be. 

~~~~~~~

You were boiling hot. 

You could feel a mattress beneath your back, one that was far softer than you normally liked. Your body was swaddled with thick blankets and sheets that were sticking to your sweaty skin. You groaned in irritation at the feeling and attempted to bat away the blanket and turn onto your side. 

A sudden grunt behind you had your heart stuttering to a stop, your entire body frozen as you came to the realization that that was not a blanket you had just smacked, but somebody's arm wrapped around your waist. 

Slowly, you turned onto your side to see who was in your bed. The moment you flipped your body over you were met with deep brown eyes that were just barely open and the sight of a lazy smile as your body was suddenly dragged forward and pressed tightly against the strangers. 

A sharp scream bubbled up past your lips as you threw yourself backwards, smacking the man’s hand away from your body as you fumbled out of the bed. In your haste your foot was caught in the mess of blankets, sending you tumbling backwards off of the bed, spurring another cry from your mouth. 

“Baby?” A voice called, it was raspy and deep from just waking and wrought with concern. 

You quickly yanked the sheets off of your sprawled out form and ushered yourself to stand on shaky legs. The man in the bed was propped up on one elbow, the sheet slipping down off of his chest to settle and pool at his waist. He was absolutely shirtless, revealing a stretch of honey skin and a toned abdomen. 

Holy shit, what the fuck was going on?

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked you again, this time he appeared to be more alert, all signs of sleepiness dissipating from his body. 

Worried from your lack of response, he rushed to stand up, the blankets falling away to reveal he was clad in boxers. 

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? It had to be illegal to have thighs like that, right?

“Stay right there!” You yelled, throwing your hand up in fear as he ignored your command and quickly began to approach you. The closer he got the more steps you took backwards, tripping over stray clothes on the floor until the wall at your back stopped you from retreating any further. 

The man, clearly ignoring your pleas to be left alone, walked right up to you. He was so close that his bare chest was pressed up against you effectively sandwiching you between him and the wall as heat flooded your cheeks. His hands fluttered around you worriedly, checking you for any signs of injury before he rested his hand on your forehead checking for a temperature. 

“Are you sick, hunny? You’re acting...off?” He asked, petting your hair in anxiety as he tried to meet your gaze. 

“Don’t touch me.” You finally said, brushing his hands off of you once more as you attempted to slip away from him. 

“Why are you acting like this?” He asked, obviously confused before a sudden smile overtook his features. He had a sweet smile, one that made his entire face light up in joy. “It reminds me how you used to act around me all those years ago. Are you trying to get me going this early? We really shouldn’t, you know, I have to be at work soon.”

Holy fuck, what kind of person are you now? 

The man in front of you pulled you out of your stupor at the feeling of his hand on your jaw as he leaned down to your height. 

Realizing what his intentions were, you let out another scream of fright and shoved him away, darting for the bedroom door. As soon as your hand gripped the doorknob you ripped the door open and slammed it shut behind you. 

You leaned your head back against the wall as you rested, you hand over your heart, taking shallow breaths as you attempted to collect yourself. 

That didn’t exactly go as planned.

With your eyes closed you didn’t see the incoming form running up to you until it collided with your legs, winding around you tightly in excitement. 

“Mommy!” A little voice cried. 

Your eyes snapped open in surprise as you looked down at the little child wrapped around your legs. Despite his small and non threatening form, you couldn’t stop the scream of fright that escaped you as you unlatched him from your legs and raced to the first open door you saw, yanking it closed behind you and twisting the lock shut. 

You were in the bathroom. Finally, a place where you could gather yourself. You stood at the sink, resting your forearms on the counter and your head in your hands as you breathed in sharply through your nose. You needed to get your shit together and stop panicking. 

You couldn’t help but feel cheated, panicked, and pissed all at once. Not only had you died, made a deal with some crossroads entity, but now the life you had been plopped in for the time being was the complete opposite of your previous one and you had not a single clue as to how to navigate it. 

You let out a few more huffs before standing back up and raking your fingers through your hair. A sudden sparkle of light caught your attention, causing you to pull your left hand free from your hair. There was an engagement ring and a wedding band on your left ring finger. You hissed at the sight of it, your entire body shuddering. 

You were married and a mother. 

“Are you fucking serious, Namjoon?!” You whispered to yourself in the bathroom, knocking your head back against the wall three times in frustration. Jenny would be having a field day if she knew about this. 

Jenny. 

You wondered what her reaction was, when she heard that you had flung yourself from your balcony. You wondered if she blamed herself for sending you home early even though it wasn’t her fault. You wished you could tell her you hadn’t done that to yourself, that it wasn’t her fault. You just hoped that she was okay and that she wasn’t crying over you. 

You could get through this, you had no other choice. It was time to get your shit together. 

You straightened your spine and shook out your hands with a deep breath before you unlocked the door and swung it open. Standing outside the door was your “son.” He was practically the spitting image of your “husband” who had yet to leave the bedroom. He was staring up at you, with big brown eyes, as he raised his arms up and clenched his hands in a grabbing motion. 

You knew what that meant. You plastered on a forced smile as you bent down and picked up the small boy before settling him on your hip. He easily nestled his head into the crook of your neck, his eyes fluttering shut as he basked in your warmth. 

At least he was cute, you could manage that.  

You curled your arm securely around his back as you walked into the kitchen, your bare feet padded dully against the cool tile of the floor. 

“Are you hungry?” You softly asked the little boy. You could feel him nod into your shoulder slowly, his fingers curling around the collar of your sleep shirt. 

You carefully unhooked him from your clothes and gently set him down in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. He whined in refusal, reaching out for you once more before becoming distracted by a coloring book that had been left at the table. 

Unsure as to what exactly you should make for the young boy, you searched the kitchen cabinets before settling on toast. Simple and easy. As the bread sat toasting, you decided to investigate the new environment you had been put in. 

You could tell you were still in the city, just a different section of it. You could see the towering skyscrapers through the windows of the apartment. This apartment was definitely not your own. For one, it was much smaller with a completely different layout. And, it looked to be in disorder with toys scattered everywhere in the living space. It certainly was not to your standards, but you could manage it for a few weeks as Namjoon had instructed. All you had to do was follow this life perfectly, and it couldn’t be that hard. Right?

You pulled yourself away from the windows, the drop off sending a familiar shiver down your spine, and rushed back into the kitchen to finish up the breakfast for the boy coloring away furiously at his book. 

Once you had the plate situated in front of him, you caught sight of a wallet on the opposite side of the table. Without hesitation you rounded the table and snatched it up, rifling through the items inside until you caught sight of what you were looking for. An ID. 

“Jung Hoseok.” You mumbled, the name tingling on your lips and echoing in your mind. So, this was your temporary husband. 

“What are you doing?” A voice asked from behind you causing you to jump in fright. 

You pivoted on your heels to face the man, your husband, Hoseok. Despite the fear his voice evoked in your body, he was presenting you with a blinding smile. One that sent chills throughout your body for reasons that were unknown to you. 

“Hoseok?” You said, although it sounded more like a question. 

“Hoseok?” He chuckled, “What did I do, am I in trouble? What happened to Hobi or hunny?” 

Well shit, you were already fucking things up weren’t you?

“You know if you need anything you can always ask me, baby. No need to go sneaking around.” He said, his smile still pinned to his cheeks as he struck you with a penetrating gaze.

He said nothing for a moment, he just stared at you with that smile in absolute silence. It was so quiet you could hear the blood pulsing through your ears and the soft ticking of the clock in the corner of the room as you tried to avoid his gaze. Despite the high position you once held in your previous life, you had never been very good with eye contact. He was really testing you today. 

He remained quiet as he grabbed the wallet from your hand and slipped it into his pants pocket before straightening his jacket out. 

“Jihoon, you’re going to be late for school. Go get ready.” Hoseok said, his voice and face still appearing cheerful as the little boy shuffled out of his chair and darted down the hallway to his bedroom. 

You didn’t know why, but you were struck with the feeling that something was very wrong here. 

You remained motionless as Hoseok raised his hand, cupping the side of your face rather gently, much softer than you originally expected. 

“You’ll be good for me while I’m gone, won’t you baby?” He whispered, his lips lightly brushing your cheekbone as his fingers gently swiped over the smooth skin of your cheek. 

You said nothing, you merely nodded in agreement so that he would finally release you and leave you alone to process what you had gotten yourself into. 

Without warning, he pressed his lips to your own in a hard kiss spurring a cry of surprise from you. You attempted to pull away from him only to find his hand at your back, keeping you pressed close to him as he sighed against your mouth, a shudder shaking through his body. His grip was becoming stronger, borderline bruising the more you squirmed against him as he tongue swiped over the flesh of your lower lip. 

“Ew! Daddy!” Jihoon yelled as he reentered the room, fully dressed for school with his little backpack slung over his small shoulders.

Hoseok pulled away from you with a laugh, allowing you to stumble away from your supposed husband, your hand cupping your mouth. You took back whatever you had thought about Jihoon before, he was your saving grace. 

“Sorry buddy, Daddy just loves Mommy so much!” Hoseok said, his voice full of glee as he gave his son a quick hug before standing up again. “I’ll see you after work.”

Hoseok headed to the door, stopping for a moment to look you over one last time. “I’ll be seeing you later as well.” He said with a wink before exiting the apartment.

Thank fuck he was gone. 

Jihoon quickly approached the now closed door, sliding his shoes on and reaching for the door knob. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” You asked as you watched the young boy open the door.

“School?” He asked slowly, his little brows furrowed in confusion. 

“By yourself? No, give me a minute to get dressed. I'll walk you to the bus.”

“Mommy, you can’t!” He cried, causing you to come to a stop. 

“I can’t? And why not?” 

“Because, you never do.” He replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

What kind of mother was this person? She didn’t even walk her own kid to the bus to make sure he didn’t get kidnapped? Jihoon was so young, he couldn’t have been older than six by the looks of him. He was practically still a baby. 

“Well I am now, wait right there Jihoon.”

You were still dressed in the baggy T-shirt you had woken in, the fabric rumpled and hanging loosely over your shoulders revealed a fraction of your collarbone. It didn’t take a genius to figure out this was Hoseok’s shirt. You hissed in annoyance and ripped the shirt from your body, filing it into a corner of the bedroom. 

The closet was filled to the brim with clothes, both yours and your “husband’s.” You swept the various suits and shirts aside until you stopped at your own clothes. You found it strange the amount of formal attire Hoseok possessed and your lack of it. Your side of the closet was filled with comfortable clothes, the only “formal” attire you owned was a wedding dress tucked all the way in the back of the closet and stored away in a plastic case. 

You sighed in frustration, settling on a pair of leggings and a large hoodie. One that was, presumably, your husbands as well. Did this woman have no desire to take pride in her appearance? Apparently not. 

“Come on, Jihoon!” You called with a clap of your hands as you made your way to the front door where he waited, his small hands wrapped around the straps of his backpack. 

Jihoon didn’t say anything in response, he merely held up his hand and slipped it into your own. He was a cute kid, a perfect reflection of Hoseok, but eerily enough you could see your own features reflected in him. 

You released a deep breath through your nose, pushing those thoughts to the back of your head. You needed to focus on getting him to school for now. 

The door clicked shut behind you as the two of you began making your way out of the building. The weather was still warm, not that much different from what it had been in your past life. It was nice, being able to take in the fresh air for a moment and be able to process what exactly you were going through. 

Jihoon had taken the initiative for the both of you, considering you had no idea where the bus picked him up for school everyday. His hand was still clutched in your own, his arm outstretched as he walked quickly in front of you. He was talking a million miles per minute, the most random things leaving his mouth. And, just when he was about to get to the point, he would find something new to distract himself. 

“Oh, Mommy! Look at that butterfly!” He was painfully cute. 

“Oh, it’s very...pretty.” You said, unsurely. At first glance, the creature was beautiful. It’s wings wide yet delicate, painted with bright colors like paint splatters on a fresh canvas. But, it had a large chunk missing from it’s right wing. The injured wing fluttered every now and then with the gentle breeze. The poor thing was trapped in the flower bed it was lying in, it would never be able to fly again. 

You were pulled from your reverie as Jihoon tugged on your arm sharply. He beckoned you to lower yourself down to his height. As soon as you had settled down on your haunches he threw himself against you in a tight hug, squeezing you twice for good measure. 

“Bye Mommy, I love you!” He yelled before pressing a kiss to your cheek and turning on his heels, darting towards the school bus. 

You stayed there for a moment, your hand frozen on the spot he had left a kiss. So, that was what it was like to have a family. To have someone love you. You had never had that before. 

You rose back up to your feet, taking a moment to gather yourself back up again. You could see there was a park nearby, and getting yourself over there seemed like a good enough idea. You didn’t want to go back to the apartment just yet, you still had no idea what you were supposed to do. You didn’t like the thought of just waiting at “home” for Jihoon, or worse, Hoseok to come back. 

Jihoon was easy, predictable. But Hoseok, he was uncharted territory. A raging sea you didn’t know how to navigate. 

Damn you and your incapability to foster stable relationships. 

It was only day one of this temporary life and you were completely out of your depth. A husband? A son? A stay at home mom? You had and were none of these things, but now you had every single one of them. Whether you wanted them or not. Namjoon gave you orders, and if you wanted to survive, you had no choice but to follow them. You had to play along.

You walked slowly, tiredly, through the park. The tips of your sneakers were dragging against the ground, kicking loose stones off to the side. A few weeks he had told you, just how long exactly was that? 

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t hear the incoming footsteps approaching rapidly. It was the feeling of fingers gripping your shoulders and violently spinning you around that finally caught your attention, a cry of shock escaping you. 

“What are you doing?!” A voice cried, their hands shaking you to garner your attention. 

The sun that had blinded you finally lightened as it slipped behind a thick cover of clouds, disappearing out of sight. You could see now, and the man that was holding you so tightly was none other than Hoseok. 

“H-Hoseok?” You stuttered, your hands gripping his wrists as he ceased to lessen his hold on you. What was he doing here? He had left for work no longer than half an hour ago. 

“Did you hear me? I said, what are you doing?!”

“I’m going on a walk? I just dropped Jihoon off at the bus.” 

“You did what?!” He yelled, his face stricken with panic and a deep, hidden anger. His hold on you was only becoming stronger, near bruising as he shook you once more. 

“Hoseok! Stop it, you’re hurting me!” You yelled, taking a step back from him. 

That seemed to do the trick, his voice quieted and his hold became much lighter than before. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he acting like you had just committed a crime. 

His eyes slipped closed as he took a deep, calming breath, his shoulders rising and falling with the motion. “Baby, you don’t leave the apartment. You know this, we’ve been over this.”

“What?” You asked, utterly confused. 

This seemed to shock Hoseok, his brows raising and his eyes widening. The both of you were standing there, a gap between the two of you as you stared at one another with equal states of confusion. You not knowing what he meant, and him wondering if you were experiencing some sort of memory loss. 

“Come on, I’m taking you home, you need rest.” He finally said with a gentle smile, he was firmly set on the idea that you must be sick from how strange you were acting. 

You didn’t trust him or that fake smile he was giving you. Something was going on here, and it was terribly wrong.

“No.” You said firmly, taking a step backward when he tried to grab hold of you again. 

His smile drifted away, it was like watching the moon slip over the sun into a solar eclipse. The Hoseok you were left with was one that had a cold, stricken expression that bled disbelief. 

“What did you say?” He asked you, slowly. 

“I said, no.” You spat back, your voice sharp and firm despite the tingles of fear and anxiety creeping through every muscle in your body. 

This look on his face, although more genuine than anything else you had seen, was capable of sending your entire body into a panicked frenzy. Something in the back of your mind was telling you, no, begging you to run. The instincts that had been fostered in you from generations before were telling you this man was dangerous, and you were better off fleeing than sticking around to see what would happen. 

“I dare you, say that to me one more time baby and you won’t like what happens next.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Hoseok.”

That did it. As soon as he took one step in your direction, you spun around and booked it like a track star. You paid no mind to where you were going, not caring who you had to shove aside to clear a path for you to get away. You were trusting your gut, and it was screaming at you to get as far away as possible. You could hear Hoseok behind you, yelling your name and telling you to come back, but you paid him no mind. You just knew that this was your one and only chance to get away from him before you lost it. 

Everything he had said and done had raised red flags in your mind, the way he talked to you and touched you, it was all wrong. It was possessive and dark, whether he intended it to be or not. 

What husband doesn’t allow their wife to leave their home? What father lets their six year old child walk themselves to school? What caring man demands you obey his every will? There was something wrong. 

You couldn’t hear Hoseok behind you anymore, the crowd had thickened substantially the further away you got from the park and the deeper into the city you were. People were staring at you strangely as you shoved through the crowds, grunting in annoyance as you squeezed yourself through them. 

The crosswalk was fairly empty, you could make it through and keep going, you had no time to stop and question how far away Hoseok was. So, you broke through the final band of people and began to sprint through the road, despite the sudden cries and warnings that were being shouted behind you. 

Fuck, there was a reason the crosswalk was empty, wasn’t there?

You turned your head to the side as you ran, only to come face to face with an oncoming car, coming in so fast you knew it wouldn’t be able to stop. No matter what you did, it was going to hit you. You threw your arms up in front of your face, blinding yourself as you squeezed your eyes shut and prepared yourself for the impact.

But it never came. 

“Day one and you’re already fucking things up, aren’t you?” 

The sounds of the city had fallen silent, there were no more car horns, no people talking, nothing. It was dead quiet. You slowly peeled your arms away from your face and opened your eyes.

Namjoon was there, still dressed in that three piece suit of his as he leaned up against the hood of the car that had almost hit you. He looked beyond pissed with you. You looked around, taking notice of your environment. There were people still looking at you, their faces frozen in shock and horror. There was a bird above you, it’s body frozen in midair with its wings spread wide open. And there was a little girl on the corner of the street, her popsicle stuck freefalling a foot above the ground. 

Time had been suspended.

“Namjoon! You don’t understand, this life you put me in, I can’t do it! I’m not a wife or a mother, I can’t do it! And my husband? There’s something wrong with him, I don’t know what but he isn’t right in the head.”

Namjoon rolled his head back, a sharp sigh leaving his lips before he righted himself and pressed his fingers to his temples. 

“You need to go back.” He simply said, his frustration evident.

“I just told you I can’t -”

“It’s either you go back to him and play house for a few fucking weeks, or I take you back to the crossroads and process you!” He snapped. 

You jumped in surprise at the sudden intensity of his voice. When you had first met Namjoon he was calm, collected, even a little embarrassed at the mess up that had occurred. Now, he was frustrated. 

“I told you before, you need to follow this life perfectly, you cannot let anyone know that anything is amiss. That means you need to be Jihoon’s mother and Hoseok’s wife. Whether you like it or not, that’s reality. So, you need to decide right now what you are going to do. Are you going to grin and bear it for a few measly weeks, or are we both leaving right now?”

You remained quiet for a moment. You already knew what your answer was going to be before you even opened your mouth. You needed to stop panicking and start thinking efficiently. What was a few weeks of unease and fear in comparison to years of your life you would gain in return. It was a good investment. 

“I’ll do it.” You finally said. 

“Good,” Namjoon breathed a sigh of relief as he popped off the hood of the car, “No more fuck ups, for my sake and yours.”

And then he was gone, disappeared into thin air. 

The world was moving around you again, and you were no longer standing on the crosswalk but instead in the middle of the sidewalk as the crowd of people that were previously waiting to cross the road dissipated and made their way to the other side.

And then, those same hands were on you again, but this time they pulled you into a warm chest, crushing you like a boa constrictor in a desperate hug. 

“You scared the shit out of me!” Hoseok cried, his hand settling on the back of your neck as he pulled your head into the space between his neck and shoulder. 

How ironic, you had scared him. 

~~~~~~~

Hoseok hadn’t even taken the risk of walking you back home, instead he flagged down a taxi and ushered the both of you into the back seat. The ride was spent in silence between the two of you. You sat there, the side of your head pressed against the window as you listened to the music from the radio and the feeling of Hoseok’s hand on your thigh keeping you immobile. 

You allowed him to grip your wrist when the cab arrived outside your apartment and when he dragged you back inside. It seemed so much darker now after you had been outside. You really didn’t want to be trapped in that small apartment with just you and him and no Jihoon to protect you. 

His hold didn’t lighten until he had dragged you into the bedroom you had woken up in the morning. It was then that he pressed his hand against your shoulders and shoved you backwards on the bed, quickly climbing on top of you as you began to flail your limbs wildly in surprise. 

“Calm down, hunny.” He cooed, a genuine, sadistic smile on his face now. All the other smiles before had been so fake now that you had seen this one. This one was beyond thrilled. 

You flinched as you felt cold metal encircle your wrist and snap shut. He had you handcuffed to the bed, there was no running away now that was for sure.

Your heart was thumping frantically in your chest, your limbs shaking as the adrenaline that had once faded was flooding through you again. Your instincts had been dead on accurate, you should have kept running when you had the chance.

“Baby, baby, baby,” He laughed, tilting his head to the side as his eyes shone with glee. “I haven’t seen you in so long, I thought you were gone.”

You were shaking beneath him as his eyes traced over every inch on your body, his fingers playing with the loose strands of your hair. 

“You’ve been acting so different today, almost like how you were when we first met all those years ago.” He hummed, his face pressing closer to yours as he lightly brushed his lips down the side of your cheek before stopping to press a kiss at the curve of your jaw. 

You flinched to the side in discomfort, spurring a delighted giggle from his lips. 

“As fun as it is to have you like this again, that doesn’t mean I can let your bad behavior go unpunished. You left without my permission and you said no to me, I can’t have that baby, I just can’t.” He sighed, the puff of air against your flesh spurring goosebumps to rise in response. 

“So, be a good little girl for me, and don’t move.” He instructed, pressing a lazy kiss to the bared column of your throat.

“You’re in timeout, a couple hours to yourself should help you think long and hard about what you did today.” He laughed, pulling himself off of you and retreating towards the bedroom door. 

“I’d think of a good way to apologize to me if I were you.”

And then he was gone. Once the door shut you could feel your heartbeat steadily falling and returning to normal. “Play house,” Namjoon had said, “Grin and bear it,” he told you. You weren’t so sure if those sentiments applied to your situation anymore. 

It was confirmed, you were married to a sadistic sociopath. 

Hoseok had left you chained to the bed for hours on end like the asshole that he was. You were rightfully scared of him, like you had previously thought, he was unpredictable. One moment he was kind and gentle and the next he was angry and after that he was filled with a corrosive glee.

How were you supposed to make it through the next few weeks like this? It was impossible. 

All you could do was lay there, stewing in anxiety as you were drowning in your never ending stream of thoughts about your fate at the hands of your so-called husband. 

By the time you heard the front door unlocking the sunlight had completely shifted in the room. The light was now entering at a different angle casting long, dark shadows over the room. It looked like the light was being chased away by the tendrils of darkness curling at its soft edges. 

You could hear a loud thud coming from the main room and the sound of little footsteps approaching the bedroom quickly. 

“Mommy!” A voice called before the door was shoved open. Jihoon. “Found you!” He giggled, kicking his shoes off before scrambling up the side of the bed and crawling over to you on all fours. 

Jihoon seemed undeterred by the sight of your wrist bound to the headboard behind you as he curled up against your side, his head resting on your shoulder as he wrapped his small arms around you. A chill traced its way up your spine, this wasn’t the first time he had seen his mother like this. No, this was common for him. 

Jihoon was already prattling endlessly about his day, much like he had on the way to the school bus that morning. His chatter suddenly came to a stop as he ran out of things to say, instead he let out a little hum and asked you: “Daddy put you in time out?”

“Yeah, Jihoon, Mommy’s in time out.” You replied, your jaw clenched and your eyes pressed shut. 

“I told you, you can’t leave. Daddy always finds you.” He said, nodding his head in agreement with himself as he began to play with your hair.

Your eyes snapped open, you head turning to the side to look at Jihoon. That definitely meant something, didn’t it? In fact, how had Hoseok found you at the park in the first place? Or on the sidewalk you had run to?

“Jihoon...how does Daddy find Mommy?” You asked him.

Jihoon continued to play with your hair, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration as he twisted and knotted your hair in a sloppy braid. “Your boo boo.”

“My boo boo?” 

Jihoon stopped his shaky braiding for a moment, meeting your eyes as he grabbed your free hand and led it to the back of your neck. That was when you felt it. 

Right there, at the nape of your neck, was a small bump beneath the flesh. You smoothed your finger over it a few more times in disbelief, making sure that what you were feeling was actually real. 

He had microchipped you, like a dog. 

A pit settled itself into your stomach as the reality of your situation finally hit you. The life you had been injected in was far more dark and twisted than you had first thought. This went beyond overprotectiveness and time outs, this was a clear show of obsession and possessiveness. In Hoseok’s eyes, you belonged to him. 

And, upon having that realization, your husband returned home from work. 

The bedroom door had been left wide open, giving you a clear view of Hoseok entering the apartment as he shimmied his jacket off of his shoulders and loosened his tie. Your arm curled around Jihoon tighter, pressing him even closer to your side like he was a life preserver, the only thing keeping you from being dragged down into the dark trenches of the sea. He felt safe to you. 

The minute Hoseok looked up and caught sight of the two of you, the bleak and tired look that adorned his features drifted away and was replaced by that same fake smile, the one that never reached his eyes but lit up his entire face. 

“There’s my two most favorite people in the world!” He called, pulling a laugh from Jihoon who raised his arms up in a gesture suggesting he wanted Hoseok to hold him. 

Traitor. 

Hoseok bounded into the room, lifting Jihoon up from underneath his arms and spinning him around before settling himself on the bed beside you with Jihoon on his chest, excited giggles shaking his entire body. 

It startled you how normal this would have looked from the outside, minus your hand being cuffed. To anyone else it could have looked like any other family spending time together after a long day. A stay at home mother with her busy husband and their young son. Oh, how far that was from the truth. 

“You hungry, buddy?” Hoseok asked, tickling his son's sides. “How about take out tonight?”

“Yeah!” Jihoon agreed enthusiastically. 

“What do you think, Mommy?” Hoseok asked you, pivoting his head to the side, his dark eyes fixing you to your spot. 

Play along. 

“That sounds good.” You nodded, attempting to do some damage control from your actions earlier that day. 

“Good answer baby,” Hoseok smiled, popping Jihoon off of him as he slid over to you, fishing the keys to the handcuffs out of his back pocket. His thumb gently stroked the reddened flesh of your bound wrist before freeing it. He held your wrist in his hand for a moment before pressing a long kiss to the irritated flesh. 

“Behave.” He whispered into your skin, looking up at you through half lidded eyes before he flipped his switch again and bounced off of the bed in glee. “C’mon Jihoon, you can pick where we order from!”

~~~~~~~

The air had been thick with tension for the rest of the night, unbeknownst to Jihoon who was too excited to be with both of his parents to realize that there was anything wrong. 

Jihoon had become a buffer between you and Hoseok, the little boy seating himself between the two of you on the couch with his food in hand while his legs kicked back and forth excitedly. A little hum of happiness left him with each bite of his food, completely oblivious to the dark look Hoseok was sending you over his head. 

You had somehow managed to equally piss him off and excite him all in one day. You were scared of what it would be like when Jihoon had to inevitably go to bed, he wouldn’t be there to protect you anymore. 

There were few things you had been scared of in your previous life, and they were normal things for a person of your stature. You had been scared of being mugged, being kidnapped for ransom, having someone break into your apartment, or becoming a disappointment to your family. 

Most of those things could have been remedied with a bodyguard. Never in your entire life did you ever think you would come to rely on a six year old boy, your “son,” to be your protection.  It was strange how much could change, all in the course of one night, one mistake. 

Once again, you had found yourself cradling Jihoon to your side, his body relaxing under your touch as he snuggled up against you. He gently guided your hand away from your lap, and onto his head, a sign that he wanted you to play with the short strands of hair. 

You pulled your hands away from your legs and allowed your son to lay his head down as you softly stroked his hair in a calming, soothing motion. The light of the television was flickering, casting a blue glow onto his young features. His eyes had fluttered shut, his long lashes casting smooth shadows against the skin beneath his eyes. His breath was coming out slower now beneath your touch, the rise and fall of his chest becoming slower and deeper than before. 

Jenny had been right about one thing, you would have had cute children. When you went back, a part of you was certain that you would miss Jihoon. Your little protector. 

You jolted at Hoseok’s unexpected touch, his arm sliding behind your shoulders as he moved closer to you on the couch. An annoyed whine sounded from Jihoon at the sudden motion causing him to press his face against your legs in an attempt to escape whatever was disrupting his sleep. 

Hoseok leaned closer, his warmth seeping into your side. He joined your hand on Jihoon’s head, lightly smoothing over his hair before speaking. “I think it’s time for bed, little man.”

“Noooo!” Jihoon whined, “I wanna stay with Mommy.” 

“Not tonight, buddy. You need to be a big boy and sleep in your own bed.”

“I don’t wanna!” He cried. 

Sensing an impending tantrum, Hoseok scooped Jihoon up into his arms and cradled him to his chest. He started rubbing his back in slow motions, bouncing lightly with each step that he took. Miraculously, you could see Jihoon’s eyes begin to droop shut, his fatigue returning in full blast. 

Your parents never did that for you. 

You watched as Hoseok retreated into Jihoon’s room, presumably to get him ready for bed.

Shit, your bodyguard was falling asleep. 

Your body moved before you could think, flinging itself from the couch and sprinting for the bedroom. You couldn’t think of what to do, you knew that as soon as Hoseok was done with Jihoon he was going to come after you and you didn’t know what to expect. So, you did what any other grown woman would do. 

You hid under the covers. 

Your heart was beating loudly in your chest, the sound echoing through your ears as you squeezed your eyes shut in fright. All you could do what lay there and wait for him, you were doing nothing but delaying the inevitable. 

When you heard his footsteps rounding the corner you tried to slow your breathing, forcing your chest to rise and fall slower to make it seem like you had fallen asleep. If he bought it, then maybe he would leave you alone. 

Unlikely. 

He did the exact opposite. You could hear him close the door behind him, shuffling around the room as he got ready for bed. Your breath hitched in your throat as the lights flickered off, and the mattress dipped beside you from his weight. 

It was dead silent in that pitch black room, the only sounds you could hear were the ringing in your ears, your breaths, and his. 

You flinched in surprise when he latched onto you, dragging you backwards into the warmth of his bare chest. 

You tried your best to remain calm, to breathe lightly, and to not move. But Hoseok was no idiot, and you were daft if you thought you could fool him. 

“I know you’re awake.” He whispered, his nose pressing against your hair as he took in a deep breath, sending a sharp chill down your spine. 

He remained quiet for a moment, his arms wrapping tighter around your body. The feeling was the same as if a boa constrictor was curling around you. Slowly increasing the pressure, tightening its grasp in an attempt to squeeze the life out of you. Slow, calculating, and intimate. 

The arm that had looped around your middle lightly drew backwards, allowing his hand to slide beneath your shirt and rest on the bare skin of your waist. 

“I think I know a way you can make it up to me.” He mumbled with his lips pressed against your throat. 

His palm smoothed over the skin of your lower abdomen, just above the hem of your underwear as he buried his head into the crook of your neck, lips and tongue tracing over the bared flesh. Like a little lamb you had found yourself caught in the jaws of the predator, one snap away from the clutches of death. 

You remained frozen from a blend of shock and fear, all sense of fight or flight leaving you and rendering you immobile. Every nerve in your body was screaming at you to move, to pull away, to throw yourself off of the bed. But your muscles were tense, frozen in a state of pure anxiety and fear, you knew nothing more than the thought of keeping still like a rabbit in the face of danger. 

He moved to the side, dragging you onto your back so he could settle himself on top of you. He braced himself with his arms on either side of you, caging you in with no room to escape. He gave you no warning of what he was thinking of doing, he merely swooped down and pressed his lips to your own. 

A muffled squeak rattled in your chest, your heart suddenly thudding louder than before like an alarm sounding to wake you up. Your hands moved first, sliding onto his chest and barely applying any force, struggling to push him back. His skin was warm and smooth against your palms, an alluring honey shade that you would have been enamored by like you had been that morning, had you not been exposed to his true nature. 

“Hoseok.” You said, finally breaking free of his kiss. 

Your call of his name had the exact opposite effect of what you had hoped. A deep groan rumbled in his chest as he pressed his hips against yours, effectively pinning you to the mattress beneath him. 

“Hoseok!” You tried again, trying to grab his attention. 

“That’s it baby, keep saying my name.” He sighed, expertly rolling his hips against yours. 

Oh. Oh no. 

The sudden wave of arousal that washed over you was unwelcomed and even more frightening than anything else. You weren’t even in control of yourself anymore, that was what his presence did to you. 

“Play along,” The words that Namjoon had told you were suddenly echoing in your mind. 

Your breath got caught in your throat as he pressed himself closer to you, you could feel the smooth roll of his hard length pressing against your core, light sparks of pleasure tingling throughout you. Shadows of fear still crept around in the back of your mind, the nape of your neck throbbing in a twisted reminder of the chip that lay beneath the skin. 

Hoseok was in his own world, hell bent on teasing you until he grew tired of it. He shifted his weight onto one arm allowing his hand to delicately trace up the length of your body. His fingers just barely brushed your thigh, trailing upwards to trace the hollows of your hips before settling on your waist and rising up over the barrel of your ribcage that was exposed so nicely for him from your arched spine. 

You were laying there, helpless for him, frozen from a state of arousal and fear that was blending perfectly into its own dark, tempting cocktail. You pressed your lips together firmly, smothering any whine that tried to force its way free from you when he pulled back, the motion of his hips stilling as he played with the hem of your shirt. You didn’t know if you wanted to yell at him to go away, or scold him for stopping. 

Either way, you didn’t have much say on the matter. 

He tilted his head from side to side, his dark eyes tracing over your form from head to toe. A small smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as he watched the heavy rise and fall of your chest, your wrinkled shirt, and the way your thighs and hips jerked from the loss of his touch. You looked adorable to him, he couldn’t deny the powerful feeling it gave him to see you so helpless beneath him. He was sick, and he loved it. 

His fingers were still tracing the hem of your shirt, like he was contemplating removing it despite the both of you knowing it was inevitably going to come off. Hoseok was an impatient man, that much you could tell. He firmly gripped the bottom of your shirt and began to roll it up agonizingly slowly, that satisfied smirk still pinned to his handsome features. 

“Whaddya say, hunny? Should we give Jihoon a sibling?” He laughed, his tongue flicking out to swipe over his lower lip at the thought of getting to see you full with his child again. He would be a liar if he said the thought didn’t turn him on. 

All of the blood rushed to your face, your thighs tensing reflexively against him where he was settled between your legs. 

“Is that what you want?” He hummed, hands settling on your hips and roughly pulling you down the mattress against him. “You want me to fill you up again, sweetheart?” 

You didn’t get a chance to even consider answering his lewd question, a sudden shock of lighting and a deep roll of thunder caught the two of you off guard. The once pitch black room had been lit up by the blast of light, the windows shaking from the boom of thunder. 

And then, there was the sound of crying and little footsteps. 

Hoseok hung his head backwards in distress before rolling off of you with an annoyed whine echoing through the room. “God fucking dammit.”

“Mommy! Daddy!” Jihoon yelled before throwing the door open and scampering up over the foot of the bed, his little face wet with tears as he scrambled over the sheets and settled himself in between the two of you. 

If you had questioned it before, you weren’t questioning it now. Jihoon was your savior. 

“Jihoon, it’s just a little thunder, it’s nothing to be scared of.” Hoseok said, his voice a little sterner than normal, most likely from his case of blue balls. 

“It’s scary!” The little boy rebutted, “I wanna sleep with you!”

“Jihoon -”

“It’s okay you can sleep with Mommy and Daddy tonight.” You cut Hoseok off, opening your arms for Jihoon to snuggle into. 

The look on Hoseok’s face would have been humorous if you didn’t know you were going to have to pay for it eventually. 

Everything came with a price, eventually. 

~~~~~~~

Hours melted into days, and days slowly migrated into weeks. You had begun to lose track of how much time you had spent in this other life of yours. But you knew you couldn’t stand it for much longer. 

You could handle Jihoon, you liked Jihoon, you could stand even being there because of him. Hoseok...he was another story. He never hid his true intentions from you, that was for sure. But the more time you spent trapped inside that apartment the more you began to feel like you were going to lose yourself.

Sometimes you could forget what Hoseok really was, and other times he made sure to remind you. In this life, whoever this person was before you took over, they had never left the apartment since Jihoon was born. That was six years of their life spent trapped within these walls with no one to talk to except for two people who were only home for a few short hours a day. 

It was isolating. It wasn’t unlike the lonely life you had lived before in those regards. 

You were trapped, chipped, and alone. Any attempt you had made to leave by yourself, for any reason, had been swiftly thwarted by Hoseok. The knowledge of the tracker embedded in your neck reminded you that there was no point in running anyways, he would always find you. 

You tried to remind yourself that this would all be worth it in the end, that you could handle these weeks if it meant getting your old life back. But as each week passed, you weren’t so sure that was true any more. 

You were in a cyclical hell that you couldn’t manage. 

You had opened the door one day at the sound of someone outside it, it had been a new neighbor, a young man with full lips and an unusual laugh. Your heart had soared at the opportunity of being able to speak to someone other than a six year old or your possessive husband, but that had been quickly thwarted. 

Hoseok had pulled you back into the apartment and exited into the hallway, shutting the door behind him with a grim glare.

You never spoke to that neighbor again. 

Hoseok had become more needy as each week passed and you had taken to sleeping in Jihoon’s bed with him as often as you could, feeling protected by the boy you called your son. But your distance didn’t help in any manner, Hoseok was becoming more aggressive and more irritable. Not with your son, never with your son, but with you. 

He grabbed onto you more, touched you more, kissed you harder, and eventually forced you back into sleeping in your bedroom. 

You faked an illness for a few days to keep him at bay. That was how you got to this point. He was desperate. 

Hoseok was taking you on a work trip, just you, without your son. It was a city or two over, you would be staying at a hotel and having dinner with his coworkers there that same day. He was a desperate man calling for desperate measures to be alone with his wife. That meant that you had no more excuses and no Jihoon to protect you. 

Jihoon had cried when you said you had to go away with Hoseok, he didn’t want to go and stay with Hoseok’s mother, he wanted you two. And that part of your heart that had grown to accommodate him was slowly breaking with each tear that rolled down his cheeks. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t love him. 

You knew that you weren’t the best mother, you didn’t know what a good mother was like. Yours was efficient at best. So you dug down deep for what maternal instincts you had, held him close, dried his tears, and kissed his chubby cheeks. 

And you told him you loved him. The first person you ever loved. 

So, that was how you found yourself here, at a table with a bunch of boring men and their partners talking about their work with Hoseok’s hand gripping your thigh, his finger rubbing circles into the skin beneath the length of your dress. 

You were incredibly bored of this ordeal. All of these men were business executives and their concepts of how to run a business were rudimentary at best. It took everything in you to keep your mouth closed to not correct them in front of their higher ups and embarrass them for the everyday mistakes they were making. 

“Play along.” Namjoon had said, so that was what you did. 

Although you may be a mother now, you would always be a business woman and a successful one at that. They didn’t deserve your expertise. 

Your eyes lazily drifted away from the table, zoning out as their voices became reduced to a low rumble. And that was when you saw it, a flash of black fur and glowing jade eyes on the ledge outside the window. 

Taehyung. It was time. 

Your heart leapt with joy, a smile carving into your once stony expression. You could go home now, you could finally wake up from this nightmare. A sharp squeeze to your thigh grounded you, a pit rolling in your stomach. You had to get away from Hoseok. 

He was staring at you, confused by the sudden appearance of your joyful grin. 

You leaned close to him, whispering lowly, “I have to use the ladies room.”

“I’ll take you.” He replied, going to scoot his chair away from the table. 

You gripped his forearm, bringing him to a halt. “No, this is important for you, I’ll only be a moment.”

He stared at you in silence, assessing you and trying to figure out what you were getting at before he spoke. “Behave.”

You nodded quickly before excusing yourself from the table and rushing down the hallway. You had seen a large balcony on your way to the restaurant on the top floor, it was only a little ways away. 

As soon as you stepped foot onto the balcony, you saw him. Taehyung was there, resting on the balcony as the sun slowly drifted away behind a cover of clouds, a gentle rain was beginning to tap the marble floor beneath you. 

You approached him quickly, your heart pumping in time with the gentle rumble of thunder above you. Taehyung came to a stand on the railing, the sharp drop off beside him glaring at you. 

“We have to do it this way, again?” You asked, your hands wrapping around the railing beside him as you peered over. You were even higher now than you had been the first time, sharp tingles were shooting through your hands and feet as you stared down at the streets below. 

Taehyung stared at you in silence, his eyes blinking slowly twice. You would take that as a yes. 

So, you carefully sat yourself up on the railing and turned, allowing your feet to dangle over the ledge. You watched in horror as your heels slipped off and went plummeting down to the ground. It took them a long time to meet the pavement, it would be a long fall for you.

“Fuck, are all of you reapers this dramatic?” You hissed at the cat. He looked amused at your predicament. 

“Okay, let’s do this thing.” You huffed, reaching your hand out to touch the reapers silky midnight fur. 

And that was when you heard the panicked call of your name. You looked over your shoulder, your eyes meeting Hoseok’s. His face was ashen, his hands held up as he attempted to approach you. Your eyes caught sight of his phone held up in one of his hands, a blinking dot on a grid staring back at you. He had accessed your tracker. 

“Baby, what are you doing?” He asked you, taking small, slow steps in your direction. “Come here, let’s talk, okay?”

“You can’t stop me,” You replied, “I won’t do this any longer.”

“You don’t know what you're saying, you're just stressed and scared. We can get through this.”

“I know what I’m doing, Hoseok. I’m done, my time is up and I need to go.”

“And what about me? What about Jihoon?” 

Jihoon. A chill spread through your body, your eyes suddenly stinging. You didn’t know that would be the last time you would hug him or say goodbye. He didn’t know that was the last day he would have a mother. 

“Jihoon will be fine.” You said firmly, Taehyung was creeping closer to you now at the same pace that Hoseok was. Your time was coming to a close, Hoseok was trying to compete with death. It was obvious who was going to win.

“I won’t let you do this.” He snapped back, frustration, desperation and fear taking over him as he flung his phone aside and began to run to you. 

“You don’t own me.” You spat back.

And then you grabbed Taehyung and clutched him to your chest before slipping off the edge of the balcony, Hoseok’s fingers just brushing your skin before you plummeted off the side of the building. 

Death was easier. 

~~~~~~~

First, there was darkness. 

And then there was the sound of monitors beeping around you.

Your eyes felt as heavy as lead, refusing to open on your command. And for a small, brief moment, you were afraid that when you opened your eyes he would be there. You were afraid that you had missed the window and you were trapped with him again.

But when you did manage to open your eyes, the person sleeping in the chair beside you was Jenny. 

You did it. 

Everyone was surprised by your survival and your recovery. The fall you had should have shattered your bones, mashed your brain, drained you of your blood. But you survived with minimal injuries. Some people called it a miracle, others thought you were a medical mystery. 

And Jenny though you were stupid. 

“What the fuck were you doing on that ledge? Were you that drunk or are you just that fucking stupid!” She yelled through her tears. 

“Both.” You answered, your face completely deadpan as she rained down a series of hits to your arms in retaliation. 

You laughed through it until she finally calmed down, a huffing mess in her chair beside you. “In all honesty, there was a cat on my balcony and I was trying to save it.”

“Oh my god, you are that fucking stupid aren’t you?” She said, shaking her head. “If you want a cat’s attention you lure it with food you dumbass! You are the dumbest smart person I know.” She sighed into her hands. 

The two of you remained quiet for a moment as she collected herself and you took in the room around you. There were no cards, no balloons, and no flowers. 

“So, I guess none of my family could clear some time in their busy schedules to come see me.” You said, quietly. 

Jenny raised her head, sympathy etched into the features of her face. “Do you want honesty, or do you want me to sugar coat it?”

You bit your lip in thought before making up your mind. “Honesty.”

Jenny took in a deep breath before scooting her plastic chair closer to your gurney. “Your family is...distancing themselves from you for the time being.”

“Distancing?” You echoed in confusion. 

“The media hasn’t taken too kindly to your...accident. Every tabloid is talking about the woman who has it all trying to throw it away. The public isn’t very happy with you at the moment.”

“The same wouldn’t be said if I had died.” You mumbled, because that was the truth. Nobody cared until it was far too late, their true intentions hiding beneath their masks of sorrow. It didn’t matter how much money you had, you had never been happy, and had your accident truly been an attempt well, maybe it was only a matter of time. 

“And what does my family think?”

“They aren’t too happy with you either. Your mother and father have put on a face for the public, wishing you a speedy recovery, but they left you a memo. They aren’t ready to speak with you yet, not until you do something to find your way back into their good graces. Your siblings, on the other hand, have said nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

You had forgotten how lonely this life was. Thoughts of Jihoon tugged at your heart strings, his little whispers of “I love you’s,” your after school snacks and cuddles, and the soft voice he used when he would wake you up in the morning with a gentle: “Mommy?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you!” Jenny said quickly. 

Your brow wrinkled in confusion before you felt it, the cool, wet, glide of a tear rolling down the side of your cheek. You were crying. 

“It’s not you, Jenny. I’m just thinking about someone I love.”

~~~~~~~

You had returned to work almost immediately upon being discharged from the hospital. Jenny called you stupid, you called it trying to return to your only family. You knew you shouldn’t care about their opinion, not when they so clearly showed their disappointment in you and their lack of care. But they were all you had, they were your family, your blood. They made you what you were.

Right?

So there you were, back to wearing those red bottom heels, those tailored suits, and those glasses you hadn’t touched in so long, hidden behind your desk in your office. 

You had kept your cool and your composure when you entered the office, doing your best to show you were unfazed by the shocked stares and the hushed whispers between your employees. You kept your composure only to throw your office door shut and slump against it with panicked pants for air. 

No matter how hard you tried, you knew you were never going to be the same anymore. Not after your fall, not after the crossroads, and not after Hoseok. You were broken in ways you couldn’t even comprehend. 

Even now, sitting at your desk, eyes trained on your computer, your finger swept over the skin at the nape of your neck, mindlessly feeling for the bump, the tracker that was once buried there. You were only met with seamless skin and irritation from the constant rubbing. You wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up rubbing the back of your neck raw. 

A soft knock to your door had you sighing in relief, you needed some respite from the thoughts that were racing a million miles a minute in your mind. You were mentally exhausted from everything you had gone through. You removed your glasses, pressing your cool fingers to your eyes. Your hands were hurting again. 

There was a loud crash as the door clicked shut, the sound of liquid spilling violently all over the floor of your office and the thick, strong odor of coffee. And then, there was the shocked gasp of your name.

A familiar chill traced down your spine at the voice, your heart kicking into overdrive. No, it couldn’t be. You rose from your chair causing it to spin away, your breathing quickening as you began to panic. 

It was Hoseok, standing there in your office in a puddle of coffee.

Jenny’s words from all those weeks ago came flooding back into your mind. “The poor thing was so nervous, you really should be nicer to him. He has such a sweet smile…”

You stepped backwards in fear, your world suddenly crashing down on you in one fatal swoop. 

He called your name again, a similar panic on his face as he crossed the room in distress. “Please! You, you have to help me! I don’t know what's going on but it feels like my head is being torn apart!”

Tears were rushing down your cheeks in endless rivers now. You had walked so far backwards that you were pinned against the tall windows behind you with nowhere left to go. 

“I have two lives, two sets of memories running parallel in my head and I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t!”

You closed your eyes, your body shaking and shutting down the closer he got. And then his hands were on your shoulders, shaking you in his grasp as he began to hyperventilate. 

“Where’s Jihoon?! Where did he go?! He cried, his body trembling in tune with your own as he was bombarded with memories he knew and ones he didn’t. He was too close now, his body pressed tightly to your own in that same suffocating manner as he panicked, his mind being torn apart for reasons unknown to him, holding onto you to ground himself.

You were beginning to understand now amidst the haze of panic. Namjoon had said he was putting you in a different place, in a different time. He had never said in a different life. You hadn’t become someone else, you had been moved six years forward in time. Those painful weeks you had lived through with the guise of them being temporary had all been for absolutely nothing. You were doomed to live out the life you had been trapped in. 

It was fate.

“Where is our son?!”

[madaboutmunson]

Girl U Want (Part 6 of 17 of Fire)

It feels like an eternity for 8pm to arrive.

You'd spent the last few hours trying to make your hair and makeup look effortlessly perfect. So you'd made an effort, but not too much.

You checked again in the rearview mirror that your eyeliner hadn't smudged, your fingers drum nervously against the car steering wheel in the empty parking lot.

20:01 he's late. Do you wait a little longer, or do you just save yourself the embarrassment of being stood up? You'd give him four more minutes. As soon as that thought enters your mind, you hear the screech of brakes as a van hurtles into the parking lot and abruptly stops.

Eddie bundles out his van, an arm full of tapes, a box and his lunchbox, running towards your car. Unsure what was going on, you instinctively get out of the car and run to the other side to open the passenger door for him.

He tilts his head, pulls an impressed face, and drops everything in the foot well except for the box, which he very carefully holds as he gets into his seat and places it gently on his lap. Once he's comfortably in his seat, you close the door and walk back to the driver's side. Midway a brief pause to ask yourself, 'What the hell was that?'.

As you drop into your seat, you hear, "Well, I'll be damned, I could get used to this" he puts his hands behind his head and reclines back in the seat.

"On the subject of this. What is all this?" You wave your hand at the foot well, "and what exactly is happening?"

He leans forward excitedly and grabs at the tapes creating a most bizarre chunky hand fan with them, "Well, these are for the journey. The lunchbox is for when we get there," he gestures at the box on his lap," and this, well, this is for later" as he finishes that sentence, pauses and winces a little. Realising that pointing at his lap might not have been the smoothest move. You nod at him to confirm his reaction was justified.

"Yep, that was not a good move. I probably should have held the box up, right?" He says awkwardly

He swiftly tries to change the subject by talking at top speed whilst messing around with the tape in the car radio.

"Anyway, I wanted this place to be a surprise, but I figured you might be a bit worried about getting in my van and not having your car, so I thought I'd get in your car, and I'll direct you."

He slams a tape in and inspects the one he's taken out, "Huh, still listening to The Pleasure Principal? Or is it like the only album you have…" He says in genuine horror, searching around, opening your glove compartment, and breathing a sigh of relief when he locates a few other tapes.

So you weren't going to tell him you'd been listening to the song Metal repeatedly all the way home, at home and then all the way here. Luckily he hadn't given you time to explain. You also wanted to be mad with him for just going through your things, but there was something so innocent about how he was doing it. You smile and ask, "So where are we going to?"

" I see your game! Trying to catch me off guard. So I let the surprise slip before we get there." He tuts at you and wags his finger.

Impossible to keep under control. Your smile widens, and you laugh a little, "Well, can I at least get some directions, please?"

He smiles back warmly and says quietly, "Witchcraft", then puts on his seat belt, "Ok, so it's right out of here."

The journey is a strange but not totally unpleasant one. Eddie has a minimal grasp on personal space, and his directions come in various formats. Sometimes just spoken word, sometimes hand signals, sometimes both, sometimes last minute when he seems distracted by something, sometimes right next to your ear, which is nerve-wracking, and on a few occasions, he just flicks the indicator for you.

To say you are relieved to finally arrive at the destination is an understatement.

You look out into the night, your eyes adjusting to the darkness as you step out of the car. Fences, buildings, troughs…

"Are we at a farm??!! At night?!!" You say, alarmed but quietly, about to get back in your car.

Eddie rushes out in front of the car, holding the box and his little black lunchbox, arms outstretched on either side of him, looking very pleased with himself until he notices you getting back in the car.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" He looks confused, jogging over to you.

"Why are we at a farm at night, Eddie?"

"You don't like it?" He says, looking worried

Now you feel bad. Eddie obviously thought this was an excellent idea for some reason.

You take a breath and try to figure out what is really the problem here. You are nervous, it's dark, and you are confused about why you are at a fucking farm in the middle of nowhere.

You look at Eddie and give him a half smile to try and reassure him, "Maybe I'm missing something, maybe some context as to why a farm, and also why at night?"

Eddie has a moment of realisation, "Yes, it does look weird, doesn't it? I guess I wanted it to be a surprise, but you don't really know me, and we are at a strange place at night…Yep, I can see now that it looks bad…" He ponders his choices for a moment and then quickly adds, "but it's not, it's really, really not. It's good, its…erm…special and fun."

He gestures to the farm, "It's a petting zoo-type farm thing!" He beams at you.

"Ok, but won't most of the animals be asleep now? Or tucked away?"

Another wave of realisation hits Eddie, "Yep, I can see that train of thought, buuuuut, this place has something else, and that is the surprise. So can you trust me until the surprise?" He looks at you, hopefully.

You look back and try to smile through worry.

He furrows his brow, opens up his lunchbox and hands you a small hammer, "There, now you are armed, and you don't need to worry that I'm going to hurt you or whatever it is that you are thinking, and I'll be leading the way so no sneak attacks" he jokes.

You grip the hammer and look over at his hopeful little face. Everything is so bizarre right now, "Ok, lead the way, but one step outta line and you won't play the guitar again for a few months, maybe never again."

He worryingly seems unbothered by your threat and ultimately reads between the lines, "So you know I play the guitar?" He inquired, looking back over his shoulder as you followed him down a dusty path.

"I don't think there is anyone in Hawkins that doesn't know that. You tell everyone," you laugh.

"Nothing wrong with being proud of your talents. Clearly, I am a man of many. Planning dates, for example," he chuckles to himself, gesturing at the farm.

You stop walking for a second, "This is a date?" you ask genuinely.

Eddie freezes, "Er….well…" He clearly had not meant to blurt that out

"You, Eddie Munson, want to take me on a date? After what happened to poor George?" You say in disbelief.

"I don't want to take you on a date. We are on a date. I didn't mean to tell you right now that it was a date because that was part of the date surprise," Eddie says hurriedly, not looking at you.

You smile, "You can stop saying date now, you know", you laugh.

He looks back at you and smiles, then quickly turns back to the path and picks up his pace, "Nearly there. Keep up"

You walk after him, but he picks up speed. You follow his lead until you are basically running after him. He occasionally looks back at you, grinning. Then, finally, he comes to a sudden stop by a chain link fence.

"The thrill of the chase!" He says, winking at you. He runs his hand along the fence, it gives a little, and he pushes part of the fence open for you both.

You find yourself standing in front of what looks like a series of huts, "What is this place?" You ask quietly.

"These animals are definitely not asleep," he says, stepping ahead of you, jumping over a fence and offering his hand to you to help you over it.

You put your hand in his for support, and he quickly interlocks your fingers with his and pulls you to his side, "This way", he says quietly, leaning into you, and guides you to a little windy path that goes around all the enclosures, "Owls" he says finally, "Well there are other birds of prey too, but I'm not sure about their sleeping schedule."

You make your way around the enclosures reading facts about the different owls, admiring their plumage and beautiful eyes. Eddie doesn't let go of your hand the entire time. If he needs to use that hand to point something out, your hand has to go with his.

You get about halfway around the path and have to ask, "Why owls, Eddie?"

"I dunno. I guess they seem bookish to me, " he shrugs, "beats me stealing your snacks at the cinema, right? You can't tell me you've ever been on a date like this before, can you?" He says proudly, trying to spot a long-eared owl.

"Nope, I definitely can't say that, and so far, it's better than someone sharing my snacks without asking" you roll the hammer in your other hand, only realising at that moment you still had hold of it. You offer it back to Eddie. He sets the box and lunch box down on the ground, dragging you down to crouching level with him, as he takes the hammer from you and puts it back into the lunchbox.

He doesn't even mention anything about it. He just looks pleased and continues your tour of Owls.

At the end of the windy path, Eddie leads you to a nearby patch of grass, setting down his lunch box and the mystery container.

He takes his vest off, presumably to put it on the ground, and tuts when he realises he has to let go of your hand.

You look down at your much longer plush coat and pick up Eddie's battle vest, dusting off the patches and handing it back to him. You place your own coat on the ground. He blinks softly at you holding his vest in his hands, and before you can sit down, he's wrapped his vest around you.

He looks over you and straightens the WASP pin a little, "There, better", he smiles.

You look down at the vest and pull the lapels a little, adjusting it and puffing out your chest a little, "Do I look…um…Metal now?" You say, trying to imitate what you've seen Metal fans do with their hands.

Eddie rolls his eyes, readjusts your fingers and says amusedly, "I'm not entirely sold, but I think we're getting there."

" Oh, now I see. I did have to worry about something. I am being corrupted!" You say in pretend annoyance

He raises his eyebrows and nods, "Yep, 100% that is exactly what this was all about. I mean, I could have done it anywhere, but Owls set the tone, you know. Preying on a little mouse in the dark."

He approaches, looks you over, tugs at the lowest hem of the vest, and then raises his eyes to look into your own.

Your heart pounds so hard you feel like the pins on the vest might rattle and give you away. Flight or fight. Part of you does want to run right now. Run back to the safety of the car. Run home away from Eddie. Away from potential heartache. Your mind flashes Trent, and you snap out of it.

You sit down quickly on your coat. Eddie sits next to you, ensuring his arm is pushed up against your own. He hands you the box excitedly and rustles around in his lunch box, "Go ahead, open it."

You open the box, and the sweet aroma hits you immediately, cherry pie. A beautifully crafted one with fine lattice work on the top.

You look up at him. He's already armed with two forks smiling happily. You give him what he wants, "You did good on this one, Eddie," you say softly.

He thrusts the forks alternately in the air in celebration, and you grab at one of the forks, laughing. Then, your eyes meet, and for a few seconds, you are frozen, looking happily at one another. You break first and refocus on the pie, it's so pretty it's almost a shame to tuck into it, but it looks delicious.

Eddie shuffles over to be as close to your side as was humanly possible with the pie box between you both. You get a small piece on your fork and raise it to your mouth to eat it. You look out the corner of your eye, and Eddie stares at you in anticipation.

You quickly but gently grab his chin and push the fork towards his mouth to feed him the first piece of the pie. His face rests heavily in your hand like he collapsed under your touch.

Your eyes follow the fork to Eddie's mouth, but his eyes are only on you, waiting for your gaze to find his again.

"Is it good?" You ask.

He closes his eyes slowly, "Mmmm-hmmm, so good", he says with his mouth full. You laugh softly at him and go to help yourself to a piece.

Eddie fights your fork away with his own, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, "No, no, no! My turn"

Eddie scoops up a piece of pie, cradles your chin with his thumb and forefinger, and feeds it to you.

You aren't sure if it's everything or just the pie, but this might just be the best damn cherry pie you've ever eaten. You close your eyes like Eddie did to block out a sense so you can taste it more.

You feel Eddie's fingers gingerly stretch out and caress your neck, "it's good, right?" He says softly.

You nod your head and slowly open your eyes, "Best damn pie I've ever tasted", you say, making sure to have pie all over your teeth when you smile.

"Jesus Christ", he laughs goofily at you, "Are you trying to kill this mood?"

"Who me?" You widen your pie-encrusted smile and wink at Eddie.

"You think it's that easy, huh?" He grins, moving his hand away.

"I have no idea what you are talking about", you smirk playfully, closing your mouth to lick the pie from your teeth.

"I see your game, Missy!" He says mock scolding you

"I was just eating this delicious pie," you say innocently.

"Mmm hmm, of course, that's all you were doing. Seems to me like someone lost their nerve, but I am nothing if not patient," he says, moving the box from between you and shuffling his legs next to yours.

"You? Patient?" You laugh, "I've heard you lose your temper with people and things more times than I can count."

"Oh, that's just day to day. I'm not really angry, just frustrated," he says, sliding his hand back into yours.

You gesture at him, "You call this patience?!"

He laughs and nods, "Uh-huh, I can sit like this for hours. eventually, you'll make your move again" he flourishes his hand to himself, "I am completely irresistible after all."

"Again?" You say surprised

"Ah, don't play coy with me. You knew what you were doing with that first forkful of pie, but you couldn't handle it when it was returned, so you escaped with humour," Eddie says knowingly, "but as I said, I'm in no rush" he leans into your ear to whisper that last part, and it sends a zap of electricity down your neck.

You were slightly annoyed that you were so easy for him to read, but you couldn't let him know that.

"Oh, you aren't in a rush? Well, I'll just keep this kiss to myself then," you tease. You can't believe those words left your mouth. They just spilt out.

"See, I knew there was one here somewhere. Come on, hand it over" Eddie pats himself down, pretending to look for something, and then points his hand to his own face.

"I mean, are you sure? I've been told it's quite potent," you say, looking at the night sky.

"I think I'm sitting in the dark, surrounded by Owls, with someone I barely know. I went into a bakery today, a fucking bakery, not a convenience store. I went to the library…twice!! I fell off my chair, nearly got in a fight and changed my identity. I feel like I've already been hit by the potency, my dear. I'm just waiting on my antidote," he laughs gently.

His little monologue is welcomed. Anything to take your focus off the sound of your own pulse in your ears.

You take his face in your hand, it would have been hands, but he was still gripping the other one. You look into his eyes, "Sure about this?"

He just nods, staring at your mouth, smiling.

Your kiss is a soft and gentle one. Then, as you tenderly move away, you linger with your lips grazing his for a few seconds before sitting back.

He clears his throat, "You know, maybe I was wrong. I don't think that antidote worked at all. Let me try."

His cheeks are flushed as he brings his face towards yours and kisses you again. Taking your bottom lip between his own. You get lost in his eyes as he moves away.

The pie box crunches.

You shove him playfully, "There is no need for that", you giggle.

"For what?" He says dreamily, looking over your face and coming in for another gladly received kiss.

"The pie!"

"I can't believe you are thinking about pie at a time like this," he says, kissing you again.

"Me? I'm not the one playing with the box the whole time. It's distracting," you laugh.

He stops and looks confused, tilting his head, "I'm not touching the box" it's only then you realise that he can't be. One hand is draped over himself, the other holding your hand still.

You scoop him up in your arms and pull him towards you.

"Oh, hey. Easy now. Give a guy some warning," he chuckles.

"Eddie, if you aren't crunching up the pie box. Then what is?"

"What do you mean?" He looks back over his shoulder.

The pie box is shaking, and bits of cardboard are flying everywhere.

"Eddie, grab your things and let's get out of here, now," you say firmly but in a whisper, "Leave the coat."

Eddie launches for his things and pulls you with him into a full sprint back towards the car. You take a glance back as you run out of there.

"What the fuck, man?!" Eddie pants as you get back to your car.

You laugh, out of breath too, "Probably just one of those weird rats again."

"What? Like from down by the stream?" Eddie frowns

"Yeah," you say matter of factly ", That's what it looked like to me."

You both look at each other seriously.

Something screams in the distance.

You fumble with your keys, hands shaking, trying to get into the car, your eyes wide with fright.

You get in and open Eddie's door before slamming your own shut.

Your hands trembling, getting the keys in the ignition. Your lights blink into life, and in the beams, a group of those things coming down the path. These were not rats. No cute nose. No Eyes. Furless.

"Seat belt now!" You shout at Eddie.

You hear the clicks as you simultaneously buckle yourself in and send your car screaming into the night away from this place.

"They're just rats. Just weird rats," you repeat to yourself over and over.

Eddie has decided to distract himself in other ways by fumbling through his cassette tapes until he picks one up and switches the old one out.

You hear quite possibly the fastest guitar riff you've ever heard, followed by a piercing scream that runs right through you.

You aren't following any directions, in particular, just trying to get as far away as possible as quickly as you can.

You glance quickly at Eddie. He's currently swinging his head up and down, playing an imaginary guitar.

You turn back to the road, "Is this really the time and place for headbanging?"

Eddie laughs, still air guitaring, "I can't think of a more apt situation for that song or rocking out. High-speed fucking chase, baby!" He grabs your knee and squeezes it before returning to his 1 man mosh.

You look down at your speed, holy shit! As soon as you start seeing houses and gas stations, you check your mirrors for any signs of creatures. Once confirming there are none, you slow down to a legal speed.

"Awww", Eddie complains.

Now back in the safety of the town, you breathe a sigh of relief and nervously laugh. Fuck that had been terrifying, but it was so exhilarating at the same time.

"Ok, so what is it that we are listening to?" You enquire.

"This is Slayer, and that was Evil has no Boundaries" he's laughing.

"Well, the title was very appropriate", you laugh. Thinking to yourself, how is any of this even funny, is this hysteria?

"You gonna have to pull over", Eddie says, clutching his stomach.

"Oh shit, are you alright?" You say, pulling up at the roadside

You expect him to launch himself out of the car door to puke town. But, instead, his hand comes flying over to your sweater and grabs you by the collar of it. Before you know it, you're yanked over towards Eddie. His other hand is on your face as he kisses you ferociously.

He comes up for a breath, "Oh my god", you say in alarm.

He repeats the same thing but a little more gently, "Oh my god", you say in a soft moan.

Eddie releases you and throws himself back in his seat, his chest heaving, he looks you over and smiles, "Sorry, I'd normally ask first but….what with the speed and adrenaline, and music….are you alright?"

You are dazed. You've not had that feeling before…an urgency…fear…excitement…attraction…powerfully surging music…a perfect storm.

You shake your head in a no.

"Ah shit, I'm so-" Eddie starts to apologise again.

You turn up the radio, grab his shirt, "Again!" and yank him towards you this time.

Eddie's eyes light up, "You don't have to ask me twice," he says, launching himself at you.

Full fanfic list

[skullrock]

Haven’t watched it yet but I need to know everything. What’s bad. What’s good. Is there actually any character development. Etc

here u go (spoilers under cut)

the good:

-camera work is pretty interesting and amazing - really dynamic scenes

-the party is incredible. matured but still dorks, super funny interactions, growing apart and yet together

-eddie munson is hands down one of the best characters of all time

-so is argyle who served as amazing comedic relief

-lots of amazing steve scenes. they are really feeding us with his screen time and we are learning lots about him which is really nice (i.e he was canonically co captain of the hawkins swim team and a lifeguard for 3 years)

-sadie sink needs an emmy for this. for real. she like completely shot up to the very top of my faves list

-b*lly is dead 🧚‍♀️🌈💖 and dear billy (specifically the letter) was handled very well imo. it was very realistic and just what i wanted

-joyce and murray comedic duo of the ages

-stobin scenes that are amazingly off the charts

-steve’s love life aspect is being handled really nicely except for the stancy thing (see below)

-robin is finally becoming a fleshed out character and we are learning SOOOO MUCH about her it’s really awesome and i cry

-steve bites the fucking bat he bites the bat it’s soooooo. the scene where he’s getting attacked is un fucking real i was crying from happiness (im a freak i’m twisted i’m sick)

-hopper’s backstory is really nicely done he goes on lots of monologues

-his gulag bff is so … one of my fave side characters for sure. genuinely liking all of the new characters

-the twists? are insane. you WILL NOT be ready for them no matter how many spoilers or theories you’ve seen

-suzie is fucking awesome

-demogorgon is back

-we get lots of callahan and powell which rocks my socks they’re super funny

-lots of other things - i’ll try to add more as i think of them

the bad:

-quite honestly the worst part is how much stancy is being pushed. it’s extremely annoying and makes my feel ill. even robin is pushing it which is so fucking bizarre? i got the impression from s3 that robin would be nearly as touchy about steve and nancy as steve is so it’s very odd when she’s like. “ohhh you know steve and i are just friends. one of the best things about this stuff is reigniting old flames.” overall the stancy shit is super weird but i have a theory behind it that’s probably wrong. either way i i’ll don’t see if amounting to anything

-some of the cgi is like ??? but it’s ok it’s brief and not what i’m watching for

-el’s plot line is rly bizarre i think but it was also convoluted so i might just be fatigued from watching all that content in a short time

-i’ll think of more but the stancy thing is really uncomfortable owjdkek

in terms of character development - i think pretty much all of the characters from seasons prior have shifted into rather mature versions of themselves save for jonathan but it’s okay because he’s allowed to go thru it <3 like not to say they’re not funny or anything but everyone is quite wise. they didn’t even go huh the murders are weird :/ they were IMMEDIATELY like hey maybe this has to do with the mind flayer let’s investigate. erica has the best character development it’s very sweet to watch her grow up and if you didn’t like her character in s3 i feel certain you will now

i hope that was a good write up!!

[in-tua-deep]

idk if you still do au ideas but what if delores was a real person in the apocalypse? how it woul dbe done i have no idea but i love all your aus and thought it would be cool

okay okay I don't tend to go for real!Dolores aus admittedly because I find her much more compelling as what she is: a reflection of five himself and a symptom of his crushing loneliness

but i started thinking about it and you know what?? i think five deserves a little socialization, as a treat

so say like, 0.5% of the population is resistant to abilities. Allison would really struggle to rumor them, Five wouldn't be able to jump with them, and, most importantly, whatever the fuck Vanya's ability does has like, reduced damage or something

and the og apocalypse isn't the moon apocalypse, so let's say that it was pure waves of Vanya's powers that fucked over the earth

so 0.5% of the population survives the apocalypse. though, let's be honestly, the real number is a lot smaller than that. People who might have survived Vanya's initial power wave (miraculously) did not survive buildings crushing them or survive the car/plane/bus/train/other transportation crashes or survive being left alone when they are too young to reliably look after themselves, or the variety of other problems that come with 99.5% of the population dying at once

So, Five arrives in the apocalypse and is met with ruin and fire and a whole lot of dead people. He finds his siblings, but it doesn't matter. They're dead. He doesn't even recognize them at first, these strange grown-ups who he identifies not by their faces but by the umbrellas on their wrists that match his own

As he realizes the full impact of his situation, he hears a voice that says, very succinctly, "holy shit!"

It's a girl a few years older than Five himself, maybe 15 or 16, and she is very excited to see another survivor.

And here's where I u-turn this au around bc i'm not all that interested in real!Dolores, but I would be down to talk about Five meeting survivors in the apocalypse, because if Dolores is real I don't buy no one else survived.

So Dolores shows up and see a Literal Child crying over the corpses of his family and assumes that Five is a fellow survivor, and she immediately grabs him up. Five is incoherent with grief at this point anyway, so he doesn't even protest when she basically hauls him away from the bodies. She's babbling at him, but he doesn't really hear anything she's saying

And then she takes him to her dad

(Why not, let's have the 1% potentially be a heritable thing)

and her dad, let's call him just some dad name. like Rick. it has been a fucking WEEK for him, okay. he had his daughter with him, his ex-wife is on the other coast for her work, and by some miracle he survived the apocalypse and so did his child, and he's been wracking his brains trying to figure out what the fuck to do next

and then his daughter shows up with a traumatized thirteen-year-old in tow

now rick is a good dude. he's a dad. they get out of five that his name is five ("what the fuck" dolores mouths to him over five's shoulder and rick can't help but agree) and the bodies he found were his siblings ("Dad and Ben and Vanya weren't there though," this child cries desperately and rick feels his own heart clench in response, "They might still be alive!")

"We can look for them." Rick assures his new adopted child, because he is an adult in a fresh apocalypse and this kid has presumably lost everything he's ever known (more than rick even knows at the time)

and they do. They each get wagons and they go out and find supplies and look for other survivors. Five is... surprisingly helpful and also surprisingly docile as he is able to rely on Someone Else to give orders while he attempts to (dissociate) process what the fuck has happened

and here's the thing: Five prides himself on being independent, sort of. He's independent for a child soldier, but he's used to taking orders from a male authority figure and Rick happens to be just that

The first time that Five does something dangerous and Rick yells is a revelation

(Rick isn't sure if he hopes that Five's dad is alive or not, because if they find that man alive then Rick might just kill the jackass himself. Also like, Five is bizarrely knowledgeable out survival skills, like way too knowledgeable about it, which is helpful for them but also very concerning)

they find a newspaper and Five finds the article that mentions his father's recent death ("Huh. Heart attack." Five says, and there is no emotion in his voice)

(Years later, years later, Five and Rick talk. "I don't think I wanted to find him, either." Five admits, softly because Dolores is asleep, "I think I was more scared of finding him alive than I was of finding his body. He would've been so mad at me, I think.")

this newspaper is how Rick and Dolores find out about Five being Number Five, Umbrella Academy Missing Person

"Dude, what the fuck." Dolores says, wide eyes, "You're like, thirty?"

"I'm thirteen." Five says, and then checks the date on the newspaper again, "Also I think I would technically be 29 if I lived through all of it, 'cause it's April and my birthday is in October."

"You... time travelled?" Rick asks, which is honestly the more relevant question, "Can you go back?"

And Five just,,, crumples on himself. Because he tried, he tried really hard. It didn't work. "I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna go back, I'm going to save them."

That, Rick thinks, is a lot of weight to put on one person's shoulders, but especially the shoulders of a child.

"Alright." Rick says, because what else can he say after finding out his new child has superpowers and is from like, 2004? "What do you need?"

("Oh my god I have so many memes to teach you." Dolores says later, reverently. Five blinks in confusion and Rick mentally prepares himself for the recitation of so many vines)

And it's easier, somehow. Five sometimes feels like it's a betrayal, but he settles into apocalypse life with an ease that surprises him.

He lets Rick fuss over him and help tie his scarf securely around his head every morning before he sets off on supply runs with Dolores. And they're kids! Five has never had a friend before, and Dolores is funny and smart and she's struggling just as much as he is.

"I don't know if my mom's alive." She says to him, in solidarity when he checks the face of every corpse to see if they're Vanya.

Five is practical in the way only a child soldier can be. He's economical with the room in their wagons, carefully examining what might and what might not be useful.

Dolores, on the other hand, constantly takes up space with what Five sees as useless shit.

"Excuse you," Dolores says, shoving a game of monopoly, the entire discworld series, and a pack of glitter gel pens into her wagon, "These are absolutely vital apocalypse supplies."

She challenges him, plays with him in a way no one ever has. "I bet you I can find more batteries today than you can," She grins at him, "Winner gets to pick dinner first?"

"You're on." Five says, directly before Dolores pulls two packs of 24 AA batteries from behind her back, like a cheat.

Dolores makes him take a ten minute break when they find a playground that has been mostly not-destroyed. They rummage around kids backpacks and mother's handbags for some good loot, too numb to corpses to even be bothered all that badly about the corpses they belong to.

"I'm getting on the swings." Dolores says when Five starts making noises about moving on, "I haven't been on a swingset in ages."

"What's the point?" Five grumps.

"Don't be sour because you can't swing as high as I can!" Dolores laughs, getting higher and higher as the swings creak ominously.

Five grumpily gets into the other swing and grudgingly kicks himself back and forth until Dolores takes pity on him and teaches him how to properly move his legs and body to get higher and higher.

Dolores jumps from the swing seat and lands with a flourish and smile. Five jumps out of his seat and then jumps, warping right in front of Dolores and making her yell and hit at him in outrage. Five smiles the widest he has all week.

This is how Five grows up in the apocalypse, with Dolores teasing him into taking breaks and leaning over his shoulder to look at his math and scandalizing him by stating that she'd only just started on matrices in her own high school math class.

Every night they huddle around Rick while he picks up whatever book Dolores picked out that day because it is a travesty that Five has never read hunger games or whatever, and then they read together because it would be a genuine blood bath if they all took turns. The first time Five accidentally mentioned a spoiler and Dolores genuinely considered murder was the birthday of this tradition

Some days the air is too smoky or there are dust storms or it's just plain too dangerous to go out, and they all stay in. Dolores regales Five with stories about public school, and Five tells them about his siblings.

Then they all cry

"I shouldn't be crying." Five sobs.

"Shut the fuck up," Dolores sobs back, "You literally watched me lose my shit over remembering my shitty eighth grade dance and listened to me sob-sing toxic for like four hours."

"In fairness I also wished you would shut up then."

"Let me hug you or I will start singing songs that I only remember the chorus for again you absolute fucker."

"I could always sing some -"

"No, Rick/Dad."

And Five grows up. Rick shows him how to shave very carefully in front of cracked mirrors. Dolores teases him every time his voice cracks. Rick tells Five in no uncertain terms that he loves and cares for him, and that Reginald was a little bitch. There are a lot of heartfelt conversations around that, honestly. Rick telling Five that he and the siblings deserved better, that they were children and deserved to have a childhood.

And that he has faith in Five. Rick and Dolores both do, they bring him back paper and pens and pencils and chalk and anything Five can use to write equations. They poke around any libraries for books on theoretical mathematics and quantum physics. Rick and Dolores go out scouting for food while Five stays home and can work longer.

They also make him take breaks, make sure that he's looking after himself.

They're a little better off than OG!Five when it comes to food, because some animals survive. Enough that Rick figures out how to hunt. Five is the first one to each bugs, and even though Dolores makes faces they all start eating bugs as well.

"Pretty sure there's loads of cultures that eat bugs." Rick says grudgingly, wondering if he should try stirfry the cockroaches and if that would improve the taste. "There's even, uh, cricket flour or whatever, right?"

"Plus you eat like, five spiders a year when you're asleep." Dolores says cheerfully, just to watch her dad's face scrunch up in displeasure.

"That doesn't sound true, but I don't know enough about spiders to dispute it." Five mutters, and Dolores gives him such a proud look that it makes him roll his eyes.

They're in their thirties when Rick dies. He's out foraging and hunting, and the rubble he's standing on gives way and he ends up with a gash in his leg. He manages to stop the bleeding, but the world is filthy and they don't have any antibiotics.

He gets an infection.

"It's okay." He tells both of his kids, "It's okay. I'm just so glad that you guys have each other, y'hear? I'm so glad."

"It's not okay." Five says, voice thick and choked, "It's not."

"Yeah, well, you're going to figure out how to go back, right? Go back in time and save everyone. Then I'll have never died, right?" Rick smiles, "And even if you don't, I'll be waiting for you on the other side and we'll see each other again anyway."

"I'm going to fix it."

"I know. I have faith in you, Five." Ricks says honestly, and that's more than Reginald ever said.

They sit quietly together while Dolores is out scavenging. They've been taking turns sitting with Rick.

"I won't remember you, in the past, will I?" Rick says rhetorically, but Five answers anyway.

"I don't think so."

Rick hums, "Well, doesn't matter. If you need help in the past, you come to me, y'hear?"

"You won't remember me."

"Doesn't matter. You come find me, and you tell me your crazy story until I believe you, and then I'll help you." Rick says firmly, "You're family. You're my son. Timelines? Don't matter. If you need help, with anything, even if it's just with - with filling out a bowling team or something -"

"I have never been bowling in my life and you know it." Five interrupts, but it makes him laugh just a little bit which was clearly Rick's intention.

"Well who knows what you'll get up to in the past! You'll be able to go bowling, you know. Get to wear those uncomfortable shoes. Hey, you go far enough back maybe you can go to Dolores's tenth birthday party and put me out of my misery."

"Was she bad at bowling?"

"Oh, she was wiping the floor with me. No contest."

"Honestly, that sounds absolutely accurate."

"Shut up, bowling just wasn't my sport. Regardless, the point was that I'm giving you a free pass to come and get me. Because I know you, I know how you think." Rick brings up his hand to tap his finger against Five's forehead, "You get it into your head that you need to go it alone, take it all on your shoulders. I'm telling you that if you do that I'll somehow manifest my memories and come smack you over the head for being stupid, you hear?"

"I'm not dragging you into anything." Five says firmly, "I'll have my siblings."

"Who were also children." Rick points out. "And dragging? Dragging is such a strong word for a volunteer."

"A volunteer who won't remember volunteering." Five shoots back.

Rick just shrugs, and then winces when the movement jolts his bad leg. "Five, I'm going to be honest with you here. And sappy. Can you handle a bit of sappiness for a minute?"

"No."

"Well too bad. Can't leave a dying man, you'd feel too bad. So you're stuck with me. But you listen good, okay? Because you aren't dragging me into anything. Whatever life you have, I want to have a part of that. Because you're my son. Wherever you are, whatever you do, I want to help because you're family. What you'd be doing by leaving me out of it is depriving me of someone I love, depriving me of knowing one of the best kids I've ever known."

"Shut up." Five says, choked.

"Nope, it's sappy time." Rick states, "Maybe asking you to come find me is selfish, but I don't care. No matter what version of me exists, I want to be in your life."

"My life is a walking joke, why would you want any part of that?"

"It has been my privilege to watch you grow up. To help you. To be here for you. Of course I'd want to be there to watch you grow up the rest of the way."

"But -"

"Shut up, just let me tell you that I am so proud of you. You never give up, and your heart is so big. You love so much and so loudly, and it's been the highest honor of my life to be included in your family."

Five pauses for a moment to collect himself before simply saying - "You're the best dad I've ever had."

Rick snorts, "Considering my competition, I'd sure hope so. That bar was so low old Reggie was practically limbo dancing with the devil. Now get over here and give an old man a hug."

They don't bury Rick, when he dies. They don't have time and the ground is too hard and they don't have the heart to move him. Instead the pack everything up and seal him in the shelter they'd lived in.

Dolores pulls out a bottle of ancient nail polish and painstakingly writes Rick's name on the wall with his birth year and an approximate current year. They aren't 100% sure though, since time blends together out in the apocalypse, but it's something.

They continue by themselves. They get older.

Dolores jokingly calls him her husband because the way his face scrunches up makes her cackle. They see other people very occasionally, usually passing through. Usually groups. Dolores and Five get to flex their hosting skills, though more than one group declines their cockroach stirfry.

("It's a family recipe." Five says with amusement in his eyes that usually manages to drown out old grief.)

"Jeeze, that kid couldn't have been older'n twenty-three." Dolores complains, "Makes me feels positively ancient."

"They wouldn't have known any world 'cept for the apocalypse." Five muses, pouring some boiled water into wine glasses because they might be living in the apocalypse but they can be fancy.

"Do you ever think about that?" Dolores asks, turning to him with no judgement, just curiosity. "When you go back, you'll be like, erasing them from existence."

Five shrugs, "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this place will just split off into an alternate timeline."

"Maybe none of this is real." Dolores says, amusement coloring her voice. "Maybe you aren't talking to a real person at all. Maybe this is just a symbol of your insanity and cracked mind."

"Dolores, I literally have a scar where you stabbed me. Did I somehow manage to stab myself in the back?"

"Scraped you, I scraped you. By accident."

"So you maintain." Five says haughtily, swirling his water in his wine glass like a pretentious prick.

"I could totally be fake. You don't know my life."

"I know way too much about you, Dolores. Like, way way too much." Five scoffs, because Dolores and him have literally no secrets from one another at this point. Five even knows the truth behind what happened at Janet Scranton's thirteenth birthday party. Like, he said, way too much.

"Maybe you made it up. Maybe that's why you know so much."

"Dolores, I'm going to be honest with you right now." Five presses the tips of his fingers to his chin, "If you were a figment of my imagination, you would be so much better at math."

"Hey!" Dolores squawks indignantly, "I didn't even get to finish high school you pretentious prick!"

"Neither did I!"

"You didn't even go to high school, you brat."

"I'm fifty-two I think I've outgrown 'brat.'"

"Tell that to your attitude." Dolores says haughtily, "You're still younger than me."

"Won't be when I go back in time." Five says cheerfully, completely ignoring Dolores's venomous look.

"That's cheating."

"Sucks to suck." Five says loftily, taking another sip of his water.

Sometimes they talk about The Plan, with capital letters. What Five is going to do when he goes back in time, depending on when he pops out. Is he going to adopt his siblings? What about Reginald?

"You don't think I could kill Reginald?" Five says, holding a hand to his chest in mock offense.

"I think you should let me do it. I'll even give you control of tonight's music if you do."

"What are you doing to do? Bite his ankles? What if you're like, seven or something?"

"All the better to get away with it since I'll be too young to convict or whatever."

"Pretty sure that's not how the law works."

"How would you know? Just for that I'm playing Istanbul on repeat again."

"I don't know why you think that's a threat. That song slaps."

It takes a few more years before Five is close enough that the Commission comes to interfere. Because that's what I think happened - Five was getting too close and they stepped in because they might as well distract the man as much as they can with missions, right?

So the Handler shows up. And she offers Five a job, telling him that they have the ability to travel through time. And Five - hesitates.

"Give me some time?" Five asks, and the Handler graciously gives him 24 hours.

And he and Dolores talk it over, because now that his goal is more in sight than it has ever been and Five is scared.

"What are you waiting for? You have the chance to see your siblings again." Dolores says patiently.

"Yeah," Five says, and what he doesn't say is clear. But I won't see you.

"Five." Dolores says, and she cradles his face between her palms like he is something precious, "I have had so much time with you already. More than I would have ever. We have been so lucky, to have this time. How can I demand more than what we have already been given?"

"When have you ever not demanded the world, Dolores?" Five asks, his own hand coming up to cover Dolores's own.

"We've had decades together, Five. We're getting old. I was always going to lose you, one way or another. Nothing lasts forever."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I know. But if I had to choose a way, if I could decide where our story ends, this would be it. Letting you go, because this way you get to live. You get to see your family again. You get to save the world. I could ask for nothing more than for you to get your happy ending."

Five removes Dolores's hand from his cheek so that he can cradle it between them, "I'm happy here with you. I've never been happier. Isn't that silly? That I was happier in the apocalypse?"

"I bet killing Reggie would make you happy." Dolores laughs rustily.

"One day you're going to see the mysterious disappearance of a famous billionaire in the paper and feel a twinge of satisfaction and now have a clue why." Five laughs as well, shaking his head.

Dolores pats Five's hands, "Five, look at me. We've had our time. And you're going to give me even more of it. More time with my father. More time with my mother. I'll never know it, but you'll have saved me."

"What if this is - what if this is an alternate reality? What if I leave you here alone?"

"Then you'll be saving a 15-year-old girl from the same fate as me. Because as much as I love you, as much as I have loved this time we have had together, this is still an apocalypse. This should never have happened, and if you have a chance to go back and prevent it, then I want you to take that chance with both hands."

"Even if it means leaving you alone?"

Dolores smiles at him, "I'm not going to be alone. Far too many creepy crawlies in the apocalypse for that."

"Shut up, I'm being serious."

"Hmm." Dolores hums consideringly, "Maybe I'll head North, to that new settlement that last group said they'd heard word of. Sure they'd find some use for an old woman who's survived this long in the wilderness."

"You can have my half of the record collection." Five says, pulling her against him into a hug that she easily returns.

"As if I wouldn't have stolen them as soon as you left." She scoffs, but it's a little wet, and Five pretends his own eyes aren't leaking tears.

When The Handler comes back, Dolores gives him another hug. She also slips something into his pocket - some photos. They'd taken it a year into the apocalypse, when Dolores had found an ancient looking polaroid camera and towed it home despite Five's protests about practicality. The photos are worn and faded at the edges, but the smiles on Five's little apocalypse family's faces are undeniable.

"You'll have to see if they magically fade when you change the timeline." Dolores whispers to him with a grin, "Like in the movies."

"Okay." Five whispers back.

"You have the list of movies to watch, right?" Dolores says. Five rolls his eyes and nods because he wrote the list last night into his Vanya-book while Dolores hovered over his shoulder and critiqued his handwriting.

"And you promise to try a proper non-expired twinkie at some point?"

"That I do not promise. I think even looking at one would make me lose my lunch. I have twinkie-trauma."

"Shut up and get going." Dolores says, because the Handler is starting to tap her foot impatiently.

And off Five goes to become an assassin. Though - he's much more gentle this time. He's careful, he doesn't kill children and he usually takes jobs that don't require killing at all. He distracts and manipulates events as much as he can without killing.

He's actually much more well socialized, thanks to Rick and Dolores. Less feral child and more determined man on a mission.

Which is why he's so frustrated when he finally, finally manages to get the equations to work and falls through and falls - directly back into his stupid thirteen-year-old body.

"Shit." Five says, loudly, and revels in the surprised look on his siblings faces.

He strides into the kitchen, and they all follow him like ducklings. They look exactly the way they did when they died.

"Wow this is actually way harder than I thought it would be." Five muses, looking at their dead faces. But as Dolores would say, life is hard but you have to keep on trucking sometimes. "Whatever, what's the date?"

"Five, where have you been?" Diego demands, looking irritated. It makes Five snort in amusement.

"The future. The past. If you want like, an exact list of dates you'll have to hold your horses. I spent like, two weeks in Peru once. No souvenirs though, unfortunately."

They look taken aback, like they didn't expect Five to have quite this much sass. Oops. That is definitely Dolores's influence. Or maybe he was always a little asshole. In fairness, what teenagers aren't tiny assholes? He has an excuse.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Diego's eyebrows are furrowed in anger. It kind of takes Five aback for a second, because he remembers a Diego who stutters when he argued.

"When did you learn the fuck-word?" Five asks, raising an eyebrow before her can help it, "Grace ought to wash your mouth out with soap."

Diego immediately goes red, "Shut up!"

"Wow you're so easy to rile up. Aren't you like, twenty-something? Actually, I could figure out for myself how old you are if you gave me the date."

"I'm twenty-nine." Diego growls, like that was the point.

"Haunting!" Five says cheerfully, because that means there is way less time than he would like, narrowing his time down to a six month window.

It's extremely funny how his cheer makes all of them make faces.

It's Klaus who leans forward, "Why do you need to know?"

Klaus's face is open and curious and - (looks exactly like he did when Five found him all those years ago) - and Five can't help but answer him. "The world end on April 1st, 2019. No it isn't an April Fools joke, yes I have heard that joke like a million different times. I just want to know how close I landed so I can, you know, start working on how to fix that."

"Woah woah woah, roll it back." Allison says, holding a hand up, "What?"

"The apocalypse occurs on April 1st, 2019." Five says, slowly. "I have traveled from afar to prevent this from happening, because like, everyone dies."

"Everyone?" Vanya says weakly from the side.

She's clearly expecting to be ignored, so Five turns his head to address her directly by wiggling his hand back and forth a little. "Sort of. Like, not too many people survive at all. A handful of the human population, you know."

"But you survived?" Diego recovers admirably, if bitingly.

"Well, no." Five says rolling his eyes, "Wouldn't you just know it, Klaus here has managed to figure out a new ability!"

Everyone turns to look at Klaus, who immediately holds up his hands like he's being arrested or something, "I did not!"

"Wonderful! Now that we've established that I'm alive -"

"Why should we trust a word you say?" Luther says for the first time, looking pensive.

Five blinks, genuinely taken aback. "Because... I'm your brother? Because I can clearly and obviously time travel? Like, yeah, it would have been more convenient if I'd arrived in like, my old-body for proof-purposes, but like. I mean. Thirteen is still a pretty convincing age to be to prove time travel considering if I hadn't, I would be like, almost thirty."

"Roll it back again." Allison says firmly, "What do you mean by 'old body'?"

"Great question!" Five says pointing at Allison and smiling. Everyone looks at him weird again, and Five takes a moment to wonder if they've ever experienced positive reinforcement. Knowing Reginald, probably not. "Wait! Is Reggie alive? Wait, no, answer that in a second. Uh. When I time traveled I fucked up my body I guess, I was like, old. White hair and wrinkles-type old from spending decades in the apocalypse. But I fucked up the calculations and got booted back to my thirteen-year-old body, I guess. How, I have no idea."

"What?" Vanya says, still equally weakly.

"You have no idea how fucked up time travel is." Five whispers conspiratorially to Vanya, loud enough for the whole table to hear, "There are so many ways to die. Or permanently tear a hold in space time. But like, with life as we know if ending soon-ish, I figured I couldn't possibly fuck it up worse than it already was, y'know? Speaking of, anyone have the date again?"

"Wait, what was that about dad?" Luther asks, very focused.

"Oh, you still call him dad? Big oof." Five says automatically, because apparently his verbal filter is shot to hell after living with Dolores. It does make Klaus bark out a too-loud laugh.

"What does that mean?" Luther asks aggressively.

"It means Reginald sucks and doesn't deserve the title of 'dad,' what did you think I meant?" Five asks, and now both Diego and Vanya and both cracking smiles, though Vanya is covering hers with a hand.

"Have some respect for the dead." Luther growls, standing up and looking very large and threatening.

Five sways back, craning his head up, "Woah there big buy, sit down before I injure my poor growing spine looking up at you. Jeeze, did Reggie force feed you steroids or something? I wouldn't put it past him but like, I just want to know he at least went over the side effects of the drug with you. Also like, thanks for narrowing it down. Also terrifying! Seriously though, exact date please because if I have less than 24 hours I am going to break down crying and that is a threat."

"I love this Five." Klaus says reverently.

"March 21st." Vanya offers, finally.

"Wow! Terrifying!" Five says, clapping his hands together, "Hate that. Ten days, huh? Well, who wants to get on board the save-the-world express?"

Klaus immediately flings his hand in the air, Five points at his brother appreciatively. "Yes, excellent! I'll take the volunteer in the lovely skirt as my first team member. Any other volunteers?"

"Danke!" Klaus simpers, grinning widely like this is the vest entertainment he's had in weeks.

"I'm not just going to stand here and listen to you badmouth dad and boss us around." Luther slams his hands on the table.

"Well not with that attitude." Five snarks.

Diego raises his hand, "I would like to join team fuck dad as well."

"We can certainly debate team names later." Five says, nodding wisely as Luther gives some sort of scandalized gasp.

"Honestly, I just want to see where this is going." Klaus confesses.

Five shrugs, because he doesn't really care about the reason. "Don't you want to prove me wrong them? Prove what a well-adjusted young man Reginald Hargreeves raised?"

"Shut up." Luther grinds out, looking a moment away from throwing a punch.

"If this is all true, I have to get home." Allison cuts in, looking concerned, "I have - I have a daughter."

"I mean, if you want to give Claire a world to live in then I'd stick around, but that's just me." Five shrugs.

"You know her name?" Allison asks, obviously taken aback.

Five is almost offended, "Uh, yeah. I have her photo as well. Y'all get on like, a bizarre number of gossip magazine covers did you know that?"

Allison manages to outdo herself in terms of being taken aback once more.

There's a beat of silence, and then Five turns, "Vanya? You in?"

"Me?" Vanya blinks, looking shocked. "What can I do?"

"Yeah, what can she do?" Diego asks, crossing his arms and suddenly looking grumpy.

It baffles Five, who scrunches his nose, "Uh, like, a lot? I assume? I mean. I'm going to be honest here, just looking at y'all right now is a lot. In more ways than one! Hashtag trauma and all that, but like, name a single one of you that wouldn't be the most obvious person in the room as soon as you walked into it. Except Vanya, who somehow manages to look like a well adjusted adult, by some miracle."

"Did you just verbally say the word hashtag?" Allison asks, looking so deeply confused.

"More concerned about the trauma he tacked onto there, but y'know, to each their own." Klaus immediately cuts in.

"You think I'm well-adjusted?" Vanya asks, looking oddly touched.

"I would like to direct your attention to Diego's leather pants-scowl combo and Luther's general aura of daddy-issues." Five says pointedly, "I can practically smell the tragic comic book backstory in this room. If I'd jumped back a decade earlier this would have been Batman's wet dream of orphan selection."

"Alright! Game plan!" Five says, waving Diego's knife in his hand.

Diego's hands immediately go to his weird harness looking thing, "Hey!"

"Give me just one moment to get the tracker out." Five rolls his eyes, "Then I'll give it back, I promise. Also if someone could ask Grace for like, some antibiotics that would be good."

"What?" Allison asks, directly before Five stabs himself and there is suddenly panic at the table.

"Relax!" Five says, allowing Diego to remove the knife from his hands. He doesn't need it anyway and his hand immediately drops down to root in the wound.

"Five what the fuck!" Diego yells, but Five just pulls up bloody fingers and waves the tracker into Diego's stupefied face.

"What the fuck is that, Five?" Allison demands, looking very shaken.

"I literally just said it was a tracker." Five points out, "Now, I think our first team activity should be voting on whether we destroy it or take it out to bumfuck nowhere and ditch it to confuse the Commission."

"What the fuck is the Commission?" Diego barks.

"Man. Maybe I should just hit up Rick." Five muses, "This is going to take so much explaining."

"Who is Rick."

"So much explaining."

[some-kindofgnome]

tastes so bitter (tastes so sweet)

You’re driving back from an out-of-town mission with Hawks when your car breaks down on a very sparsely-populated highway. While you await relief, things get... personal. 

characters: takami keigo (hawks) x f!reader

word count: 7.1k

warnings: smut (18+ please!), car sex, pro hero!reader, angst, emotionally unavailable hawks

notes: ta-dah!!! the car sex fic! this turned out way longer and way more feelsy than I ever intended it to be. but I’m grateful for the chance to show you how I play with plot and emotion as well as some good porn. porn with feelings, y’know? 

EDIT: The supremely talented @la-saffron​ has created an absolutely spectacular piece of artwork for this fic! Please go and look at it right here, it’s really quite splendid

Masterlist

The shadowy trees on either side of the highway cast a chill across the pavement as the sky went dark.

It was far from sunset, but the woods were so tall and thick that the light had disappeared from the road a long time ago. The overpriced navigation system laid into the dashboard of Hawks’ luxurious car was no help at all; not when you were taking the only road for miles around.

The highway narrowly passed for two lanes, winding precariously down from the mountains. Dotted with reflective yellow signs- deer crossing, bear crossing, creatures-of-unimaginable-horror crossing. Bigfoot himself could have wandered into your headlights and you barely would’ve flinched.

But that was to be expected, given where you’d come from.

That day’s mission brought you both far, far away from the city. There was a national forest about three hours away- one of the biggest in the country- and you and Hawks had been called in at the crack of fucking dawn to drive all the way out to the woods and investigate some ‘strange reports,’ as the rangers cared to call them.

Most park rangers knew what they were seeing when guests came in from the woods reporting abnormal happenings. Nobody was truly immune to fear, though, when faced with the impossible.

Whether there were paranormal creatures lurking in those woods or not, you couldn’t have been sure. But after spending the day exhausting both your quirks combing every spare inch of those woods, you were relieved of your overnight duties by a group of other, more nature-savvy heroes.

Hawks had been miffed, but too exhausted to argue. He didn’t like to think he’d been overshadowed. You were just thankful to be going home to your own bed.

“Okay,” you sighed, nursing the last of a lukewarm soda from a burger joint at the edge of the only one-horse town you’d passed through. It was a pretty unassuming stop for dinner, but you and Hawks both agreed that the burgers were way too good to be sold to so few patrons.

Keigo was driving, with one palm splayed lazily across the bottom edge of the wheel. His scarlet wings stretched into the backseat, draping over the shoulders of his black leather backrest like some bizarre kind of seat cover.

The fact that his car was so luxurious was not lost on you- although you were more surprised to find out that he had one at all. Hawks seemed like the last person in the world to need a car, after living in a fantastic downtown penthouse. And owning a pair of wings, come to think of it.

He owned it because he could. And because he knew how good he looked in the driver’s seat.

“What?” He turned a curious eye toward you, though he never quite pulled his gaze from the road.

“I know we started this conversation on the way here,” you began, “but… we never exactly finished it.” You swirled what was left of the ice chips in the bottom of your cup, considering the best way to voice your thoughts.

“Alright.” He sounded vaguely amused, slouching a little further down and drawing an idle palm over his feathered hair. “Shoot.”

“Well…” You trailed off. “You’re kind of… a city guy.” You were already starting to talk with your hands. The racket coming from your half-drunk soda was proof enough.

“What makes you say that?”

“You are,” you defended. You let a playful edge creep into your tone. “And the agency’s kind of a city thing.”

“Am I really as one-note as you’re making me out to be?” He was chuckling. Your cheeks were going hot. You weren’t sure how this became a personal conversation, but you were determined to steer it in the proper direction. You course corrected.

“I just mean, we don’t take a lot of jobs outside the city. Like… ever. So, what’s with this one? Why this call?”

He didn’t answer right away. When you glanced across the car, he was licking his lips and appearing to be, very genuinely, thinking.

“Well,” he began. There was an immensely appealing depth that wore around the edges of his voice when he was deep in thought. You hung on tightly, trying your best to hide how intently you listened.

“I was just… bored, I guess.” He gave a lazy little shrug. His eyes were still trained on the windshield, but you could feel the weight of his urges. He wanted to look over. You turned your head, willing him to.

“Probably sounded like bullshit, now that I think about it,” he confessed, “but if there really was somethin’ freaky in those woods… I dunno. I wanted to see it.”

You resisted the urge to snort.

“Maybe you should start a ghost hunting branch at the agency.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he protested. This time, he really did drag his eyes away from the road for a second. They glinted playfully in the dark. You got a flash of pearly canine from the barest hint of a grin, but it was enough to put a stupid smile right across your face.

A sickening thud from beneath the hood zapped any false confidence you’d been building. There was a dull pop, then the engine died.

“What the- shit.” Hawks scrambled to put both hands on the wheel, navigating the car with what momentum remained over to the narrow shoulder. The tires hit gravel and soft mud, rolling pathetically to a stop and settling in damp silence.

“What the hell was that?” You leaned over the dashboard as your pulse came down from near-terminal velocity. There were half a dozen lights blinking away on the dashboard- symbols you couldn’t understand.

“Not sure.” Keigo was doing his best not to sound too perturbed. As a result, he was just perturbed enough.

You knew what those lights implied, though. Service due. Oil change due. Battery maintenance due.

“Jesus Christ,” you hissed, “when was the last time you took this car in for service? It’s a miracle you even made it out of the goddamn garage.”

Hawks was in the process of mashing the engine start button like an arcade game. When you spoke up, he pushed it down and held. The engine gave a dull, sad sort of sputter, but nothing roared to life.

“Look, look,” he dismissed, waving a hand in your direction as he unbuckled his seatbelt. “I don’t drive this thing that often, okay? I’m gonna go check under the hood.”

He climbed out of the driver’s side and slammed the door before giving you the chance to remind him to pop the hood. For a minute, you let him wallow in his mistake, watching gleefully as he pried at the seam of it. Finally, you unbuckled yourself and leaned over, flicking the release for him.

He gave an unamused glance toward the windshield and lifted the hood, obscuring all but the very tips of his drooping wings from view.

After about fifteen seconds, he ducked back into the car with a rush of cold air behind him. He rubbed his palms together as you watched, arms folded over your chest.

“So?” You prompted. He gave a sideways glance in your direction, blowing into his chilled hands.

“So what?”

“Oh my g- what’s wrong with the car?” You tried your best not to let panic set in.

“I don’t know. It’s just a bunch of pipes and wires under there. They didn’t exactly give me a map of the thing when I bought it.”

You’d seen Hawks pull people out of burning buildings before. You’d see him think on his feet, devise a plan and act on it in the blink of an eye. Usually, he was impulsive. Confident. Clever.

Tonight, on the other hand, he was demonstrating a very clear affinity for money over brains.

You flopped into your seat, scrubbing your hands over your face. You were not going to freak out. You refused to. It didn’t matter that Keigo had suddenly become useless in the face of disaster. You were heroes, even if you had to save your damned selves.

“Oh,” he quipped from beside you. “Still got bars. See?” As you peeked over at him through one cracked eyeball, he waved his illuminated phone screen at you. “It could be worse, kid. If this were a horror movie, this thing’d be dead.”

He tapped away on the screen, seeming very pleased with himself. Even his wings gave a little ruffle, draping themselves smoothly over the back of his seat again.

“I’ll call us a tow. We’ll be outta here in no time.”

A few minutes later, you had a map pulled up on your phone while Hawks’ brow creased deeper and deeper.

“Uh-huh.” His voice had taken on that irresistible deepness to it again, but this time it was sending pangs of dread through your gut.

“Right.” He brought a palm up to smooth over his jaw, fingertips bending and pressing idly against the patches of scruff that dusted it. “Y-yep, yeah, I understand. Fifty miles is a long way. I know it’s gonna be a lot to send a truck that far. But-“

As he was abruptly cut off by the other end of the line, those idle fingers slipped up to his temple, pressing inward and rubbing in stiff little circles.

“Okay. Alright. Yeah, I guess we’ll wait, ‘cause there’s not much else we can… I understand. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Okay, we’ll be here. Or within a ten-foot radius. Thanks. B-“

He blinked rapidly at the screen as he pulled it away from his ear. “Have an excellent night, sir,” he muttered under his breath. He let out a deep sigh, lifting a hip to tuck his phone away again.

“They said they would send someone,” he said, “but the depot is, like, fifty miles from here. Could be a couple of hours.”

“A couple hours?” That cold dread was settling into your chest again. So much for sleeping in your own bed.

“Yeah. C’mon, get out.”

“What?” You glanced past him at the frosted driver’s side window. “It looks freezing out there.”

“Well then, you’d better bundle up. C’mon. I’m gonna fly us back to the city.”

“No way. Hawks- Keigo.” You grabbed his arm and squeezed tightly as he made to get out of the car.

“What?” Exasperation was creeping into the edges of his voice. The sides of his gaze, too, as he landed against the seat back with a thud and turned his cheek to look at you.

“You’ve been flying all day. Your wings are shot. You’re not flying anywhere.”

“What? They’re fine.” He gave the appendages in question a defiant flutter and a cloud of expiring feathers floated into the backseat.

You folded your arms across your chest. Hawks gave a frustrated growl.

“What do you suggest, then?” He retorted in fierce opposition to your silence. “Just sit around and fucking… die of old age before the tow truck comes?”

“Oh my god, you’re the number two hero,” you snapped back. “When did you become such a drama queen? Yes, we’re going to wait. Like a normal person would have to.”

“I’m not being dramatic; I’m presenting you with a legitimate solution and you’re ignoring it!”

“If you try to fly us both out of here, you’re gonna hit the ground before we’re halfway home. And then we’ll be really stranded, with no water and no shelter. So, if you’d like to fly back all by yourself, I can’t stop you. But I’m not going to let you kill both of us.”

“Fine!” Hawks’ cheeks were flushed with temper as he kicked the door open and clambered out of the car. He kicked it shut again so hard the whole body rocked, and for a moment you were left, trapped in shocked silence.

He was really going to leave you out here. Alone.

Half a dozen heartbeats passed before his boots crunched on the shoulder and he wrenched the door open again, flopping back into the car with an immense sigh of irritated defeat.

“Fuckin’ freezing out there,” he muttered as quietly as possible.

You wanted to punch him.

“You ready to wait?”

His wings stiffened behind him, then drooped so lowly they seemed to disappear into the backseat. He looked at you from the corner of one tawny eye.

“Yeah.”

For the first hour, you honestly enjoyed yourself. As soon as Keigo accepted his fate, he got much closer to his usual mellow self. You finished off cold fries from dinner, listened to true crime podcasts on your phone, (you listened- he talked over the whole thing) and played a few ruthless games of hangman on a couple of napkins you found in the glove compartment.

You’d spent a lot of time with Hawks in a professional capacity. As partners, you took most of your missions together. You were well-versed in the way that he liked to think, the way he approached a job, a conversation. You worked well with each other and you were drawn to his quick wit and laid-back humour. Even if he was a piece of work at times, you made a strong team. But you didn’t do a whole lot of hanging out.

“Okay, that’s it,” he chided as you added an extravagant top hat to the completed, dressed hangman scrawled onto the inside fold of your last napkin. The word he’d failed to guess was ‘patience,’ and the irony of his struggling was not lost on you.

“Aw, c’mon,” you protested. “You’ve still got gloves and a bow tie left.”

“No, no, no.” He held up a palm, shaking his head. There was a good-natured grin curling his lip as he bowed toward the door. “I’m callin’ it. I gotta take a leak.”

You snatched your soda cup from the drink holder, clutching it protectively against your chest.

“You’re not going in here.”

Next, it was Hawks’ turn to shoot you a deadpan stare.

“How about in the woods? Is that allowed?”

Your cheeks went hot. “It’s pretty dark out there.”

“Aw.” Hawks shoved the door open. There was an unfamiliar glint to his eye as he tossed a mischievous look over his shoulder. “Guess you won’t be able to sneak a peek, then.”

You slammed your fist into his back. “Shut up and go take a piss.”  

As the car door clicked shut, you turned the other way out of sheer habit. All you could see in the opposite window was the reflection of your own face. Maybe it was just the dim light, but you looked exhausted. Keigo had seen you caked in blood, streaked by mud and soot before. But you’d both been awake since four o’clock that morning and there was a special kind of ugly feeling that came with overtiredness.

You were dreaming about the first thing you’d do when you got home again when Hawks climbed back into the car. He looked considerably brighter as he ducked inside, and he brought a flush of rich, earthy forest-smell along with him.

“Don’t tell me you couldn’t find it in the cold out there,” you quipped. Payback.

But Keigo just chuckled, shaking his head.

“Close the door,” you whined as the frigid air from outside finally reached your bare arms. “It’s already cold enough in here.”

“Aw,” he crooned, tugging the door shut behind him. “You scared of a little cold now, kid? It’s not so bad out there. Feel.”

He lunged at you, ducking rapidly to rub his frigid cheek against your shoulder. You let out a terse yelp and squirmed, trying to shove him back amid a sea of chilled giggles. He got a few passes of his icy skin on yours before you both realized how close you’d gotten.

Hawks cleared his throat and scooted away from you. In the bare light from the shitty overhead lamp, you were starting to see the outline of a flush creeping into his cheeks.

The light abruptly went out, leaving you in darkness again.

“Tell me something,” he mused, grabbing for the abandoned takeout bag and digging a hand into it. He produced a tiny wrapped square and tore it open with his teeth, removing the folded alcohol wipe from inside and gliding it with impossible grace over his fingertips. He eyed you sideways.

“How come we don’t hang out more?”

Your chest went cold. You’d been dreading that question all night. Longer than that, even.

“What d’you mean?” It was a gut response, but you instantly kicked yourself for even attempting to play dumb.

“You know,” he chided, dumping the wipe back into the paper bag once he was finished with it. “We work. We do interviews together. We do those bullshit PR functions together. I’ve known you- what, two years? And we’ve never even been for a drink. What gives, kid? Don’t tell me I grate on you.”

“I get plenty of you on company time,” you retorted. You were starting to panic. You weren’t ready for this conversation, but it didn’t seem like you were going to be rescued by the timely arrival of the tow truck.

“Okay, okay, I’d take that,” he laughed, “if you hadn’t agreed to take this mission with me. C’mon, this wasn’t exactly a nine-to-five gig.”

He paused. “Come out with me this weekend.” He nudged your shoulder with a bony elbow. You tried your best not to snap.

“Stop,” you pressed quietly. “You know why we don’t.”

The smirk slipped from Keigo’s face.

“What? Why?”

“Don’t make me say it.”

“Wait a second, there’s an actual reason? What the hell is it?”

The confusion was genuine on his face. Hawks could be a smarmy little shit when he wanted to be. But you could tell he wasn’t fucking with you.

“Oh my god.” The words slipped out like a deep breath. Your hand drifted to your mouth as cold shock ran over your skin. “You really don’t remember.”

“No.” His confusion was bordered with fear. He sat back a little, letting his eyes drift over your expression. “No, I really don’t.”

You swallowed hard. You should have known that you’d have to talk about this eventually. But he didn’t even remember the night that had been changing the way you acted around him for nearly a year.

“Last Christmas,” you began. Your breath was so short that it put a desperate hush to your voice that you absolutely hated. You revelled in your ability to act casual around him, but the more probing he got, the harder that composure was slipping.

“At the agency gala. You remember the party, right?”

Hawks rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, and I got trashed.” He paused. Realization dawned on his face, and he shot you the deepest, most sincere look of concern you’d ever seen. Even more sincere than the look that crossed his face when you got shot off the roof of a house and broke a rib.

He leaned forward.

“Did I do something?” He swept a palm over his mouth, fingertips dallying at his chin. You knew exactly how he felt in that moment. You’d been there before, too, realizing that you’d lost control. Blacked out. Understanding that you might have done something you were going to regret.

“You really don’t remember a thing?” It was your turn to be horrified. How could something that consumed your every thought stay so damned far from his?

His fingers were still curved around the point of his chin. He’d gone white, and he shook his head as his eyes cast down to his lap.

“You fucking kissed me, okay?” You snarled with a whip of frustration. “There was mistletoe and you kissed me under it and-and Christ, I can’t believe you.”

“What? What?” He demanded as his voice grew defensively sharp.

“I had no idea what you were gonna do. What you were gonna say, what was gonna change between us. I showed up to the agency the next morning and your hungover ass acted like nothing had ever happened.”

“Of course I did,” he defended, “I didn’t think anything did happen. Oh my God, did I really kiss you?” His wings were coming to life all of a sudden, bristling on either side of his seat. There was a dull whisp as one edge of them brushed against the window. They seemed to expand, along with his horror, to fill the entire car.

He pushed further. “Well, did you… did you want me to?”

You could see where his thoughts were taking him. The answer was an impossible dilemma. To lead him further down that path would not only be cruel, it would be untrue. But to tell him the truth- that you had wanted it- would be to shatter the fragile illusion of casual, platonic intimacy that you’d been building over the last two years.

You chewed your lower lip. Hard enough to hurt.

“Oh god, you didn’t,” he gasped. That was enough for you to lift your chin and shoot him a sudden, sad, pathetic little look.

“Jesus,” he gasped again, deeper this time. “You did.”

“Look,” you snapped. “I was never gonna say anything to you. I was never gonna push it. You didn’t feel that way and I knew that and I just wanted to work.”

He told you enough about his personal life as it was. Every date he swung in from on Monday morning, every Friday night he spent preening in the last hours of the workday hurt enough already. If you’d grown close, fallen harder, it would’ve become too much to bear.

“What do you mean, I didn’t feel that way? What way don’t I feel? How could you even know that?” He was beginning to raise his voice back at you and the adrenaline was pushing you way too far to listen.

“Because you never said a fucking word to me about that kiss! You pretended like it never even happened, Kei! What was I supposed to think!”

“If you’d asked me, you woulda known that I didn’t speak up ‘cause I didn’t remember a goddamn thing!” Keigo jammed a finger into his temple. His golden eyes flashed. He was so fucking hot when he was angry, but this was not a fight you ever wanted to have.

Luckily for you, he was having it without you.

“What do you want me to say to that?” He snarled. “Huh? What- you want me to tell you that I’m sorry for not having psychic powers? That I’m sorry I didn’t hire a mind-reader to tell me what the fuck was going on with you?”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. You were on the verge of tears.

“I-I never-“ you began, but Keigo beat you to the punch,

“You know, maybe I noticed that you were actin’ funny around me. And maybe I should’ve asked. But maybe if you ask yourself, and if you really, honestly give yourself the truest answer, you’d be able to admit that you knew how I felt about you. That you always knew.”

“Of course I knew!”

Your response echoed raw and deafening in the silence of the car. You’d lost your temper and shouted it at him with every decibel left in your breathless chest. Your fists were clenched atop your frigid thighs as you bent over in your seat, shivering. To your immense embarrassment, warm tears trickled down the sides of your nose.

He was right, after all. Every sideways smile he’d given you was just a little too broad to be friendly. Every time he caught you by the hand, he held it just a little too long. Every time he offered you the crook of his elbow at a stuffy charity gala and every time he poured you into a cab at the end of the night, he promised to take good care of you. Every time he looked at you at all it was with a depth that you had recognized, but never understood.

“But look at us, Kei. Look at what we do to each other.”

You sniffled, scrubbing tears off your cheeks with the heels of your hands. He reached for you, seeking to comfort, but his hands twitched midair and he drew back instead.

“Yeah,” he croaked. You tossed a glance in his direction. He looked more dejected than you’d seen him in a long time. He rested both hands on top of the wheel, the rest of his body sagging against the seat back.

“Except now I’ve told you,” you continued. “And now we both know, so everything’s fucked no matter what.”

You were met with silence. The truth was dawning on you. You hated to even consider it, but it felt like what needed to be done.

“When we get back to the city,” you started. Hawks interrupted you with a low rasp of your name.

“No, when we get back, I’m giving you my resignation.”

“Fuck, stop.”

Keigo lunged, grabbing you by the back of the neck and pulling you toward him. He rested his forehead against yours and closed his eyes. The warmth of his closeness weighed on you like a heavy quilt. You couldn’t even pretend not to be immensely comforted by affection from him.

“I’m not gonna let you do that, kid.”

You were both drawing deep breaths- slow, rolling gulps of air that matched over gradual time. You licked your lips, bracing your chilled palms on his shoulders. Your fingertips brushed the very edges of his feathered hair, dull and soft in the dark.

You’d talked each other down from bigger, badder edges before. But this one had sharp, jagged rocks waiting at the bottom. This one, you were going to have to jump from together.

“I can’t do this,” you pleaded. “I can’t keep myself away from you like this.”

“Don’t.” His voice was hushed and so achingly tender, like he couldn’t take the command himself.

“I can’t-“

“Then, don’t.”

He was firmer this time, and the pad of his thumb brushed the bottom of your lip. He pulled back just a hair, grazing the tip of his nose across yours. The heat of his breath puffed over your lips and his blonde eyelashes threatened to tickle your cheek.

He drew in a slow, calculated breath.

“Lemme kiss you. Lemme try again. I’m not gonna forget it this time, I swear.”

“Keigo, please.”

“Just lemme try. Just once. I’ll never ask you again, if you don’t want me to.” He pulled back the rest of the way and your body keened at the loss, but he looked deeply into your eyes. Deeply like he’d never been allowed to look before.

You licked your lips. Considered it for half a heartbeat. Then you gave a slow little nod.

“Okay.”

To your surprise, he didn’t lunge again. He took his time with you. He cupped your cheeks tenderly between his bare palms, memorizing the curve of your face. He stared, taking you in like this. At his mercy.

Finally, he leaned in and captured your mouth in a soft kiss, heartbreakingly loving. You responded eagerly, blossoming beneath his touch and bracing your hands on the broad plane of his chest. Your fingers curled in the fleece that lined his coat.

You kissed back with near-desperate urgency, shamelessly showing him how touch-starved you’d become. Dating was pointless when Keigo stole your whole heart every time you showed up to work.

The quiet press of his tongue had your jaw going slack in his hands. Your kiss went needy all at once, and he licked into your mouth with a hunger behind his movements that you never anticipated sensing from him.

You broke from him first, turning your cheek to him as your lungs burned. Your mouth was swollen, and you gasped greedily for whatever stale air lingered between you. He grabbed your chin and forced your eyes back to his.

His gaze was fearsome. Ravenous. You were powerless beneath it.

You combed your fingers through his hair like you’d always wanted to, settling your palm at the nape of his neck. Your own voice was nearly unrecognizable, nothing more than a feral growl.

“Get in the back.”

Hawks took one look at the narrow gap between his seat and yours and sat up, nudging the driver’s side door open. He climbed eagerly into the road and then back into the back seat, settling in the center with his legs and wings splayed wide.

Meanwhile, you took the opportunity to wiggle out of your boots and pants and slam dunk everything into the foothold of the passenger’s seat. You climbed over the center console in your underwear and settled into his lap.

Even though you had to bow your head against the cushioned ceiling, it was a holy sensation. Your thighs settled perfectly into the crooks of Keigo’s legs, and his hands slid so naturally over the curves of your hips. It was as if you’d done this before.

You kissed him again, using the weight of your newly boosted height to descend hard and loving against his lips. He grabbed you hard by the ass, drawing you smooth and tight against his hips.

“God,” he groaned eagerly into your mouth.

“You’re so. Fucking. Perfect,” you hissed back into his, and he squeezed you harder, breaking his lips from yours to trail a hungry path of kisses along the edge of your jaw. His scruff scratched at your chin just like you imagined it would. You loved him like this- trimmed, unshaven. The rougher, the better.

“Don’t say that,” he purred dangerously close to your ear. “You’ve seen me at my worst.”

You tried not to grin, remembering Keigo barfing over the balcony of the Plaza after one too many charity-benefit martinis. Keigo caked in ooze after cutting open that sludge villain from the inside. Keigo on the verge of tears, just a few minutes ago.

“I still think so,” you pressed, and he smiled against your cheek. His wings, tired and bruised but majestic as ever, stiffened proudly. They were capped firmly by the cramped space that surrounded you, but the feathers that spread across the back seat were sleek and graceful.

You dug your fingertips between his jacket and his t-shirt, feeling the warmth of his torso all over. He did his best to shrug it open, but the material was caught up on his wings- no getting it off now.

He wound his hands into the hem of his shirt and tugged it up for you. The skin you could feel by slipping your fingers underneath was all you were going to get.

Not that it mattered to you. It was far more than you’d let yourself so much as picture before. While you felt your way across his heated abdomen, he dipped his head to your pulse point. He scraped the points of his teeth across your tender flesh, making you sigh and shiver. He pressed a hand to the small of your back to keep you close and nibbled all the way down to your neckline, leaving a trail of tiny welts in his wake.

They would fade by morning. Tonight, the feeling was enough.

He glided smooth, tender fingers up your sides. You straightened, letting him wedge your long-sleeved t-shirt up around your shoulders. You had to bend even further and press your forehead awkwardly against his shoulder to wrench it off. Once he peeled the fabric over your head, you tossed it haphazardly toward the front seat. Keigo was already going to work on his fly.

The tender press of his erection had grown apparent by that point, stiff and needing down one thigh of his thick pants. You reached between your legs and palmed it indulgently. There was an answering throb of arousal in the pit of your belly as you felt the shape and thickness of it trapped against his body, and an even stronger one when his hips pressed into your touch and he gave a low rumble of approval.

“Don’t act so surprised,” he crooned. With his pants unfastened, and the bulk of his cock shifted to the stretchy pouch of his undershorts, he slid a fingertip down the plane of your belly and curled two graceful digits between your thighs.

“Are you wet for me yet?” He shot you a deep, lustful stare. You rocked your hips against his fingers, hopeless in resisting the pleasure he offered. Keigo nudged the crotch of your thong easily aside, dipping his middle finger against your slit.

He sucked a sharp breath through clenched teeth as you gave a simultaneous yelp of stimulation. When he looked up at you again, he bore a sly little grin. You’d seen it a thousand times before, but never with such desire. And never all for you.

“You’re drippin’, kid.” He arched his palm, slipping that finger slowly upward and easing it inside you. There was no stretch, but the sensation of intimacy- of being felt in such a way by those hands that you’d never dared to fantasize about- was intoxicating in its own right.

Keigo was, apparently, feeling it, too. His eyes were deeply lidded, glazed completely by his own desire. The tip of his cock had found its way over the waistband of his undershorts, weeping shiny precum against his stomach and the bottom of his shirt.

He curled a blunt fingertip inside you, massaging your tender front wall. The feeling rappelled up the column of your spine and brought deep trembles forward. It brought fresh handfuls of wet slick from your depths, gliding down his palm and between his fingers. He took the hints your body offered and rubbed faster, watching the way your expression morphed from desire to pleasure.

“Stop,” you hushed, leaning forward and pushing your lips to his. He drew his hand back from you immediately, settling it on your thigh. The wet little print it left against your skin wasn’t lost on you.

“Something wrong?”

“No,” you replied. “Just ready for you.”

He gave a low, loving little chuckle and shifted beneath you. “Can’t hold out any longer?”

You smiled into his hair. “Don’t want to.”

“Fair enough.” His smile was even, but the tug in his voice betrayed his fraying nerves. It thrilled you to know that you weren’t the only one putting way too much emotional stock in this. It was immensely validating to discover that he’d been anticipating it, too.

He wiggled and squirmed against the backseat, shucking his pants and underwear down over his thighs and letting his cock pop out. It bobbed against his stomach- thicker than you’d imagined- framed by a trimmed scruff of tawny hair that disappeared under his shirt.

“Fuck,” you sighed in spite of yourself.

“I know, right?” He rasped. He reached for you, cupping your jaw. He brought your forehead down to his, giving a weak laugh. “What the hell have we been waitin’ for?”

“We just needed the bottle episode to shove us together,” you giggled. “C’mon, we’re a walking trope right about now.”

“We’re about to become a different trope if you don’t let me fuck you.” It was his turn to play the desperate card. But the ache between your thighs had not dulled, even a little.

He wrapped his fingers around the base of his shaft and you lifted your hips. He gave the heated tip a playful little swipe along your slick slit, but his game backfired when both of you let out tight cries of sensation.

You rocked your hips forward, taking his tip eagerly inside. The sensation was toe-curling, made even better by the way he held you tightly against him, nosing at your ear and kissing any patch of skin he could reach.

He brought his free palm to your ass as soon as you were situated, helping you slide the rest of the way onto his cock. With your knees braced on either side of his lap and your feet pressed tightly against the front seat, you let him bottom out. And for a moment, you just sat there.

“Jesus,” Keigo sighed, lolling his head against the seat behind him. You still had your head deeply bowed, trapped in the space that seemed just an inch too tight.

“I…” Your thighs shuffled. Your hips gave a little squirm. It felt good, but it wasn’t enough. Keigo cracked an eye and lifted his chin, sensing a problem.

“What’s the matter?”

“I just…” Your cheeks went hot. You licked your lips. “I can’t move.”

His gaze cast downward, to the place where you were joined. He took in the press of your thighs, the curve of your neck. He snorted.

“No, you can’t. C’mere, kid, I gotcha.” He planted that palm on your ass again, drawing your hips forward and up, as far as you could take them. Your head and neck bowed with the rest of your back as he draped your upper body over his chest and held you tightly against him.

Then he planted his feet and gave one good, deep thrust. Your innards gave a jerk. Oh, fuck.

“That’s it,” you panted into his ear. He nodded tensely.

“Yeah?” He prompted. “That’s workin’ for ya? Alright, alright. We’ve got this, kid, c’mon. Lemme show you somethin’ good, okay?”

One thrust sent you spiralling. But the rhythm that he dove into- steady, tough, fluid- sent every nerve through your body into meltdown. You were entirely incapable of dealing with such pleasure, combined with the emotions that swirled through your lovestruck brain.

It felt as though you had been holding out needlessly for all this time. Like all the hurt and frustration and heartbreak you shed over him would be evaporated, now that you understood that he wanted you like this, too.

Like that was all there was. You, Hawks, and the free love you could now share.

“I’m n-not-“ Keigo stuttered, piping up after a series of breathless pants and airy groans, “n-not gonna last much longer, kid, you’re… really gonna make me feel it.”

“Yeah,” you breathed back. You looped your arms tightly around his neck, tilting your hips forward. You could feel the barest hint of stimulation when your clit brushed his belly, so you leaned into it- aching for your own release.

His rhythm doubled as the intensity of your pleasure spiked dangerously high, and when you gripped him hard and rocked your hips in time with his, there was a low, warning pull that echoed all the way up to your throat. You were close. Very close.

Your head dropped backward and Keigo leaned forward, drawing his mouth up the vulnerable column of your throat. He panted hard and heavy against your pulse point.

“That’s it, kid, that’s fuckin’ it, baby, oh, God, I’m g-gonna f-fucking… I- shit, I- can’t… fffuck!”

Keigo let a vicious roar tear from his throat as he reached his vibrant peak. His erratic thrusts brought you to a tight little climax, too, and you clung to him and whined and rode through the pleasure as he fucked madly up inside you, spurting messy shots of cum into your depths.

Gravity took hold of his pleasure, dripping it onto his shaft and pooling it in a sloppy mess between you. And when it was all finally over, you collapsed against his body and you both stayed, airless and spent, wrapped tightly around one another.

It was the bright flash of headlights on the back of his neck that brought you to the surface, moments later.

The inside of the car was warm and stuffy and damp. Had you just come in from outside, you might have realized that it reeked of sex. Sweat and breath and fluid and feeling. The windows were near-opaque, fogged by the dampness of your lovemaking.

It was a moment you might have loved to capture, if you weren’t about to be so rudely interrupted.

The light in your rear windshield was bright white and flashing orange. Unmistakable.

“The tow truck,” you wheezed, scrambling off of Keigo’s lap. “Oh, fuck.”

“Get dressed,” he muttered weakly, already scrambling to get himself cleaned up and decent. He was far more dressed than you were, so you did your best to climb back into the passenger’s seat and slide back into your own clothes. You banged your shin hard on the center console, and your head on the ceiling as your body flailed in retaliation. You crumpled into the front seat and nearly kneed yourself in the mouth trying to scramble back into your pants.

By the time you climbed out of the car, fully dressed, with a few additional bruises, Hawks was already standing on the shoulder, talking to the driver. The driver was wagering a few guesses on what might be wrong with the car. Hawks’ eyes had already glazed over.

“Hey,” he greeted, as he spotted you emerging over his shoulder. He introduced you quietly to the driver before the ballcap-wearing, bearded man spoke again.

“Yeah,” he gruffed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll give you a lift to garage nearby. It’s kinda late, but he keeps weird hours. I bet he’ll take a look for you, it’s prob’ly an easy fix.”

“That sounds great,” you gushed, clasping your palms together. There was a lot of stiffness settling in around your hips and thighs. You couldn’t be sure if it was a result of the compromising position you’d nearly been discovered in or the whole lot of not moving you’d done for hours before that.

Either way, it felt good to stretch your legs.

“You c’n go ahead and hop in the back,” the driver directed, waving the key that Keigo had apparently already given him in indication. “I’ll get you hooked up, no problem.”

Keigo opened the truck door for you, and you climbed over the passenger’s seat into the back. He followed closely behind you, tugging the door shut and slouching into the opposite side.

You sat in silence; hands clasped between your knees. A confusing air settled between you.

You felt vulnerable and raw and moony. You wanted to hold his hand and curl up to him in the back seat. Kiss his cheeks and tell him how good it was, tell him how much you felt.

For you, though, it could never be that simple. There was no free love for heroes like you.

Pay later, always.

Keigo felt the weight of your gaze. He turned to meet your eyes and shot you a thin smile. You’d seen the look that he’d turned to hide from you, though.

The truck driver climbed into the front seat before words could pass between you. But you didn’t need to hear them to know what they were going to be.

You didn’t need a warning to understand what Monday morning at the agency was going to look like.

[ymiwritesstuff]

Dare

So I wanted to write this quick Josuke scenario, whose plot was actually made by a friend of mine some time ago. I loved the idea so much that I decided to finally write it! After this I promise to empty my inbox, my last exam is on Monday and then I’m finally free! Thank you for your patience and I hope this Josuke scenario is to your liking. (PS. I may or may not start officially writing for him in the future...)

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable

Josuke Higashikata x Reader

Summary: A simple game turns into one of the most stressful things Josuke has ever had to do. Things seem to get even more difficult when he runs into you.

Notes: Slightly suggestive language and themes

“Alright, Josuke! It’s your turn!”

Okuyasu turned towards his friend who straightened his posture and prepared for the question with a wide grin on his face. “Truth or dare?” The pompadour-haired teen thought of his response for a few seconds before confidently replying. 

“Dare! Better make it a good one!” Josuke laughed and widened his grin at Okuyasu’s reaction. There was an obvious glint of mischievousness in his eyes as he thought of a dare for his friend. “Nothing illegal, okay?” Koichi reminded, knowing just how unpredictable Okuyasu’s mind could be. Josuke looked at him in anticipation, anxiously waiting for the response that could be absolutely anything. The tiniest part of him was already regretting his decision.

“Ya see that store over there?” He finally asked, pointing at a small store just across the street. Josuke and Koichi both looked at it over their shoulders, raising a brow in confusion before turning back to Okuyasu. “What about it?” Josuke asked, dreading what lied in his friend’s mind. Okuyasu smirked and let out a high-pitched, impish chuckle. 

“You better have some money on ya! Because you’re gonna go in there and buy a magazine!” He chirped, which caused the two other boys to be even more confused. But before either of them had a chance to voice a question, Okuyasu threw his arm over the blue-eyed teen’s shoulder and lowered his otherwise loud voice.

“The dirty kind.”

Josuke’s face turned a bright shade of red upon hearing his words while Koichi was quick to protest.

“Okuyasu!” The silver-haired boy yelled, his cheeks quickly being dusted with crimson as well. “You can’t make him do that! He’s not even 18! There’s no way he can just buy something like that!” 

“Oh come on, Koichi!” Okuyasu exclaimed, rolling his eyes. “Ya really think Josuke here ain’t gonna pass for a grown-up?” He inquired, pointing at Josuke who was still processing the dare given to him internally. “Besides, he’s gotta do it. I don’t make the rules.” There was yet another smirk on his face, as he looked over at Josuke. “Or are ya gonna chicken out?”

The dark-haired teen was quick to regain his posture and looked at his friend confidently. “Hell no! It’s no big deal,” Josuke stated as he stood up, checking his pockets for change. “It’s like you said, I’m pretty sure I look like an adult anyway.” His lips were stretched by a fearless grin as he looked at the store, but internally, he was more than nervous. “Get goin’ then,” he heard Okuyasu say behind him as he turned towards the small boutique.

On his way there he could feel his friends’ eyes boring into him as well as the imaginary judgmental stares that he thought the bystanders gave him. His heart was beating faster than it should have and he tried to convince himself that this wasn’t a big deal. However, the fear of embarrassment and awkwardness made him more anxious than necessary.

Once he entered the store the clerk’s greeting almost made him jump. It was a small store, with little to no shelves to hide behind and the more Josuke looked around, the more he began to regret accepting the dare. There were no other customers and it made his stomach churn. His eyes spotted the section that held the lewd magazines and his eyes immediately glanced at the clerk, who fortunately had his attention elsewhere. He exhaled sharply. He could do this. All he had to do was to get over there, pick up a random magazine and pay for it. Simple as that. No biggie.

With careful steps, he neared the shelf that held the current bane of his existence. Josuke was so focused on his ridiculously stupid quest that he didn’t register the door of the shop opening and closing, indicating that someone else had entered. His lightly trembling hand reached for the corner of a magazine, trying not to pay attention to the cover of it as the steps of another person next to him went unheard by him until a voice brought him out of his thoughts.

“Josuke?”

His blue eyes immediately shot up and looked to the side where he saw you standing, wearing a pleasant smile on your face. He was quick to stand up properly and tried to use himself as a shield to hide the magazine collection he was just looking at. There was no way he could let you see what he was thinking of purchasing. Trying to appear as normal as possible and conceal his embarrassment, he returned your smile but internally cursed at his bad luck.

“A-ah, (Name)! What’s up? A-are you here to… uh… Buy something?” He stammered, unable to keep the redness on his face from forming. You giggled at his silly response.

“No, not really. Just checking. What about you? You seemed to be pretty intrigued by the-” When you tried to get a better look at what was behind him, Josuke suddenly took a step forward, fortunately moving your attention away from the shelves. He figured you hadn’t seen his previous source of interest properly when you stumbled upon him. Thank goodness.

“Well I- I’m just checking as well! Weird huh?” He chuckled sheepishly and mentally punched himself using Crazy Diamond because of how utterly awkward he sounded. You raised your eyebrow in puzzlement at his strange demeanor. “Sure, I guess… Uh… Josuke are you feeling well? You’re acting a bit strange-” When your eyes moved towards the forbidden shelf Josuke quickly grabbed your shoulders and made you face him, making your eyes look into his instead.

“Actually! I- Um…” Josuke quickly tried to come up with something to say to take your attention away from the sinful magazines. You looked at him questioningly, the close proximity making your face heat up somewhat. 

“I was wondering if… If you wanted to grab lunch with me!” He quickly said, which made you look at him with wide eyes.

“You mean… Like a date? You asked, raising your eyebrow at him rather suggestively. You’d be lying if you said that you didn’t want to go out with Josuke, in fact, you had been thinking about asking him yourself.

“Yeah, exactly! How about later today? I’ll come pick you up!” He asked, voice filled with genuine excitement, though he hadn’t forgotten about his dare. 

“Oh, so soon?” You stared at him. “I’ll have to go get ready!” You exclaimed and looked at the front door of the store before turning your gaze back to him.

“So it’s a date?” He asked, a pleasant smile spread across his lips, rid of any signs of nervousness. You nodded in response.

“It’s a date.” You confirmed, smiling as you did. “See you later,” you said before placing a gentle kiss on his cheek and heading towards the entrance. Josuke watched you go, the place on his cheek that your lips touched tingling pleasantly. When he couldn’t see your form anymore, he remembered the reason for his trip to the store and quickly turned towards the shelf with a sigh.

“What’s taking him so long?” Koichi wondered, nervously moving his gaze between the store and Okuyasu. “Do you think he got caught? I told you this wasn’t a good idea!” The dark-haired teen merely leaned back on the bench.

“Relax, he’s probably just tryna pick one with nice lookin’ chicks,” He stated with a smug smirk. “Ain’t no way they’d think he’s underage. Have you seen how tall he is?” Koichi sighed and rolled his eyes at his friend’s remark.

“It’s not about height, Okuyasu.” He once again glanced in the direction of the store. “He looks young. And it’s been a while. And I’m definitely blaming you if we get in trouble for this!”

“Hey! It ain’t my fault if he- Hey there he is!” Okuyasu glued his eyes on Josuke who walked towards them, magazine in hand. Koichi’s eyes filled with disbelief and Okuyasu began laughing hysterically. 

“You actually did it, you bastard!” He yelled as Josuke approached them, a pompous smirk decorating his face. He tossed the magazine into Okuyasu’s lap. “There’s your jerk off material.” Josuke watched as his friend let out an excited howl and began skimming through the pages.

“We’ll have to continue this game some other day,” Josuke said to Koichi, who raised a questioning eyebrow at him. He noticed the faint shade of pink dusting his cheeks. “What do you mean?”

Josuke smiled at him suggestively before letting out an excited giggle.

“Well, I can say that at least something good came out of this stupid dare.” Koichi raised a confused eyebrow at his friend.

“I have a date tonight.”

[mochegato]

An Irrevocably Gone Heart

Tim tugged on her arm.  “You’re coming with me.”

“What?” Marinette exclaimed a little louder than she meant to.  She immediately looked around to see if any of the other party goers had noticed them and cringed at the eyes on her.  She gave them a weak smile and moved closer to Tim, who was still pulling them toward the stairs. “No, no, no, no.  This is a family thing.”  She tried to pull away discretely but Tim had her arm in a firm lock.  Damn vigilante training.  She could break out of it of course, but not without making a scene in front of a growing audience, which was starting to include his family.  

They were all moving to the stairs like Tim was, and unwillingly her as well, to stand behind Mr. Wayne as he addressed the crowd at his New Year’s party. She briefly looked over to them to see if they had noticed her yet.  One of the brothers in particular, Jason, had observed the interaction between her and Tim and was watching her carefully.  She accidentally met his eyes and couldn’t look away.  She saw a flicker of interest and amusement in his eyes and blushed at the attention.  She was so caught up in his eyes, she stumbled slightly, giving Tim the advantage in dragging her the last few feet to the stairs.

“You’re like family.  In fact, I like you more than most of my family so… You’re coming.”  Tim grinned at her mercilessly.  She couldn’t get away now without causing a stir in the crowd, drawing all eyes away from Mr. Wayne and to her.  She was caught and they both knew it, trapped by societal convention.  He pulled her onto the stairs next to him and the rest of the family, facing the crowd of party goers and reporters.

“Okay first, I hate being in front of a lot of people.  Second, this seems incredibly counterproductive,” Marinette hissed quietly at him.

“Depends on your goal,” he said with a polite, fake smile, keeping his eyes on the crowd.  “Now smile for the cameras, Love.”

Marinette groaned quietly at him and turned to face the crowd with the practiced, PR worthy smile Adrien had taught her.  She stood a polite distance from Tim, making it clear that although she was here with him, she wasn’t here with him.  Tim chuckled devilishly and pulled her closer to him, slinging his arm around her shoulders. “I’m going to make you pay for this.” She threatened through gritted teeth and a beautiful smile.  “You know who I am but you won’t know where I am and you will never see me coming.”

“Calm down, Trevor.  And you’re welcome.” His smile turned real and his eyes glistened with mirth. “Tomorrow our picture, and more importantly your clothes, will be everywhere in Gotham.”

As soon as Bruce was done with his welcoming speech, they bolted from the stairs to escape his family’s and reporter’s questions.  Tim guided her as they ran through the maze of the manor. They finally stopped running in a back hallway, doubling over in laughter and out of breath.  “Oh man, my family is going to drive themselves insane trying to figure out who you are.”

Marinette closed her eyes and groaned.  “How did this help?  It’s only going to make Bruce more curious about me to make sure I’m not a gold-digger or using you.”

“Marinette, calm down.  You aren’t using me or abusing our friendship to get your name out there.  It was my idea and as I recall, to get you to let me commission you for the suit and come with me, I had to blackmail you int...”  She lunged at him to slam her hands over his mouth.

She glared at him as she looked around to see if anyone heard them.  As soon as she was sure nobody was around to hear them, missing the body listening to them around the corner, she batted at Tim with a pout.  “They don’t know that and how are you going to explain it?”

“I’ll figure it out without saying anything important.” He looked back in the general direction of the party.  “We should get back though.”

“Ugh, fine, but I’m not staying until midnight just for some trust fund prick to try to ‘slum it’ for a night with me. And next time, you come with your boyfriend, not me.  And I can design both of your suits instead.” She adds with a smug grin.

“If you can get him into a suit, deal.” Tim scoffed.  “Good luck with that by the way.  Come on, give me one dance as a reprieve before I have to be sociable. And if any other trust fund pricks try anything with you, I promise to destroy them.”  He gave her a wink.

“Like I need you to do that for me.” She snarked at him.

“Oh definitely not, but it would give me an acceptable excuse to leave the party.” Tim shrugged with a smile.

Jason watched them walk back toward the party from his spot tucked away in an alcove.  Well, this night was certainly more interesting than he had anticipated.  He followed them back to the party and kept an eye on the friends as they danced.  The woman, Marinette, seemed to be having an awfully good time dancing and joking with Tim considering he was ‘blackmailing’ her, but then again if they were friends, like it seemed they were, it was likely to be more embarrassing than damning.

As far as Jason could tell, despite how much she had complained to Tim earlier, Marinette was handling the crowd brilliantly.  She managed to make the rounds at the party talking pleasantly with quite a few people.  A few of her conversation partners had been attending Wayne parties for years and tonight was the first night Jason saw them give a genuine smile.  But, if anyone made the mistake of trying to touch her a little too intimately or make a comment that was a bit too suggestive, or just flat out insulting, she sent them a dark glare that would make Batman proud and crowded their personal space in a way that had the aggressor backing away intimidated and Jason impressed.

Jason tore his eyes away from Marinette and moved to the bar to get some liquid patience.  Tim might be a natural at mingling but he needed a little help to deal with this crowd. The only interesting part of the entire evening had been Tim’s friend.  She had wandered around the room with an effortless grace and stood up for herself with just as effortless strength.  It was a hard balance to maintain and she pulled it off beautifully, just like the rest of herself.  

Jason set his empty drink down and looked down the bar for the bartender.  He didn’t find the bartender, but he did find the stunning woman herself sitting alone with an empty seat next to her.  He moved quickly, seeing a few other men eying her with interest as well.  “Is this seat taken?” He asked with a charming smile.

“It is not.” She said tiredly, not even bothering to look up.  “My date isn’t using it right now.”

“Smooth.” Jason nodded in approval.  “Timbo would just push me out if he wanted the seat.  Well, he’d try anyway.” He took the seat and ordered another drink from the newly appeared bartender.  “Want a refill?”

“I’m good thank you.”  She continued staring at her drink.

Jason grinned at her.  She wasn’t remotely interested in playing nice just for the sake of propriety.  She wasn’t rude, just not easily impressed.  “I’m Tim’s brother, Jason.”

She looked over at him in surprise and immediately cringed internally.  He was the brother she had embarrassed herself gaping at earlier.  “Oh, I’m sorry.  Hi. Nice to meet you.  I’m Marinette.”  She reached her hand out to him with a smile.  “Sorry, I thought you were another… never mind.  Hi.”

He gave her a disarming smile and shook her hand.  “Don’t worry about it, I understand.  The kind of people who come to this are… rich is the nicest thing to say about almost any of them.  And you know what they say, eat the rich.”  He dropped her hand but kept his eyes on her.  

She raised an eyebrow at him.  “Aren’t you rich?”

He chuckled.  “No, Bruce is.  I make my own, significantly less red carpeted, way.”

She looked at him skeptically then eyed his tuxedo.  “Awfully expensive tux for someone who isn’t rich.” She commented wryly.

“Bruce’s party, he wants me here, he pays.  I don’t normally wear suits, let alone ones that cost more than six month’s rent.”

She studied the tuxedo again.  “Six months, huh?  That still affords you a pretty nice apartment by Gotham standards.”

He bobbed his head to the side in acknowledgement and studied her again, trying to make sense of her.  “So, what does he have on you?”

She cocked her head to the side and stared at him in confusion as she tried to figure out what he meant.  Her face scrunched in annoyance and her entire posture stiffened once she figured it out.  “If you think Tim has to blackmail me into being his friend, you vastly underestimate your brother’s charms.”

“No I don’t.” Jason scoffed at her.  “I meant bringing you here.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and set her mouth in a firm line.  “You think he has to blackmail me to spend time with him? How is that better?”

“I think he blackmailed you to get you to come to this specific event.  And I think that because I heard him say it to you in the hallway a little bit ago.” Jason responded matter-of-factly, taking another swig of his drink.

“Ah…” She looked back down at her drink and took a long sip trying to figure out how to respond.  Well on the bright side, he wasn’t insulting Tim with his question, he was trying to understand if she was a threat.  But, she wasn’t going to make it that easy for him.  She looked back over to him and gave him a pointed look.  “If it was something I wanted to share, it wouldn’t be blackmail material.”  

Jason grinned at her “True.” Still staring at her expectantly.

“Let’s just say there are things I would rather… uh…” she looked around cautiously, “Bruce Wayne, not know about me.”

Jason raised an eyebrow at her. “Is that so?”

“Yeah… Oh! No.  Nothing like that.  I’m not like Catwoman or one of the sirens or anything.”  She waved her hands frantically in front of her.

He chuckled.  “Honestly I don’t think that would be considered an issue for him.”

She cocked her head to the side, “True.  The most bizarre relationship ever.”

“Not when Joker and Harley once existed.”

“Most appalling relationship ever.”

Jason chuckled and looked into his glass until he realized what she had said. “Wait, how did you know…”

“What?”

“Catwoman and…” he motioned vaguely with his hand.  She hadn’t confirmed she knew Bruce was Batman and he wasn’t about to out that particular secret if she didn’t know.

“Ohh,” She nodded in understanding and gave him a grin.  “Your family isn’t as slick as they think they are, Red.”

Jason stared at her dumbfounded for a few seconds.  She knew their secret and apparently Tim, the one person that matched Bruce in paranoia, wasn’t worried about her in the least.  “And he’s blackmailing you?” Jason asked incredulously. “How bad is your secret?”

“Not bad just… I don’t need someone critiquing all my life choices, you know? It’s a threat of annoyance, not retribution.”

“Mood.” Jason said lifting his glass to hers.  She clinked hers to his with a sardonic smile.  

She was beautiful, smart, elegant, tough, funny, judicious, cautious, and far out of his league.  But he was here now and they were having fun and he wasn’t stupid enough to blow a brilliant opportunity.  Jason gazed over his shoulder toward the dancefloor and back to her.  He looked her up and down and gave her a roguish smile. “Care to dance?”

“I didn’t take you for a dancer.” She responded as she moved toward the dancefloor and held out her hand for him.

He grabbed her hand, holding it close to his chest and wrapped his other hand around her waist, pulling her closer to him.  “It has its advantages.”

Marinette looked up at him with wide eyes, a light blush dusting her cheeks. “I see what you mean.”  She ducked her head trying to collect herself.  He wasn’t the first handsome man she’d danced with, why was this one making her lose her composure?  She wasn’t 15 anymore, damn it!

“So how did you figure it out?” he asked casually.  He clearly wasn’t upset, just curious.

“How does everyone not?  Seriously, Bruce admitted it under oath.” She scoffed.  “Plus you guys are terrible at hiding it.  You don’t even try to act or look different.  Oh look Bruce Wayne has a new ward or person who hangs out with the family all the time.  Oh look, there’s a new vigilante with the same build and hair color.  Pure coincidence surely.  Then there’s the whole butts match thing.”

“Wow, been studying Bruce’s butt that closely, huh?” Jason raised an unamused eyebrow at her.

“Who said anything about Bruce’s butt?” She asked without thinking about it.  Jason spluttered at her.  Her eyes widened and her face paled as she realized what she had just said.

“Forget I said that,” she pleaded, her face turning bright red.

“Oh fuck no.  That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.  A gorgeous woman has been studying my ass so intently she was able to identify me by it?” He gave her a brilliant smile so wide, his cheeks would surely hurt the next morning.  “My ego will never come down from this.”

Marinette groaned in embarrassment and buried her head in her hands and then buried her head and hands in his chest, trying to erase all evidence of her existence. Jason wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly as he roared with laughter.  Marinette could feel his body vibrating with the sound.  The movement calmed her enough that she was willing to remove her hands from her face but not her face from his chest.  “I hope you’ll let me return the favor someday.” He whispered in her ear.

Marinette jerked her head back to look at him, her eyes wide and cheeks a deep crimson.  When her eyes met the wicked glint in his, she narrowed hers, a hint of a smile on her lips.  “Good luck with that.  Magic is a hell of a thing.”

Jason looked at her confused.  That was not a response he was expecting… or understood.  They stared in each other’s eyes for a few moments, both trying to figure out something about the other.  Marinette finally broke the silence with a teasing smile.  “So, you’re Jason, huh?  I’ve heard a few things about you.”  She chuckled lightly when he rolled his eyes at that and groaned lightly.  “Did you really do a flip off of one building to crash through the skylight of another and beat up a bunch of henchmen then set their drug room on fire all while quoting Shakespeare?”

He barked out a loud laugh and smiled brightly at her, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “It was Austen.”

She smiled back at him but quickly narrowed her eyes and quirked her head to the side.  “Prove it,” She challenged him, a playful lilt in her voice.  He looked at her questioningly not sure how exactly he was supposed to crash through a skylight when there wasn’t one here.  “Quote some Austen to me.  I have a hard time believing the formidable… you, is secretly a book nerd.”

A delighted smile creeped onto his face.  Marinette was the first person to ask him about his love for literature and encourage him to indulge in it.  He tried to remember all the many Jane Austen quotes he’d memorized through reading and rereading her works so often.  What would be the most impressive quote?  Which one would wow her the most?  He ransacked his brain, but suddenly his mind was blank.  He couldn’t think of anything.  The harder he tried to remember, the harder it was to think.  He opened and closed his mouth a few times.

Marinette watched the panic flit across his eyes.  She cringed internally.  She got anxiety when she was put on the spot.  Jason must be the same.  It was one thing to do it in the heat of the moment, without thinking about it, but being asked to perform on demand, was a different kind of pressure. She gently cupped his cheek and brought his eyes back down to hers and gave him a soft smile.  “Maybe you can show me later.  I’ll still be impressed tomorrow.”

He looked in her eyes and instantly felt himself calm down.  Her eyes were shining with compassion, like she understood exactly what was going on in his head and believed in him.  He pulled her closer and gave her a tender smile in return. He ran his fingers slowly up and down her back, “The very first moment I beheld you, my heart was irrevocably gone.” He quoted quietly.  

Marinette gasped at his frankness.  She leaned her head against his chest, trying to hide the deep blush that enveloped her cheeks and spread to her ears.  After a few moments of silent swaying in his arms, she cleared her throat and weakly spoke, “That… yeah, uh… that works.  Point proven.”

He chuckled lightly, a proud smile working its way onto his face.  He moved his hand so they were both wound around her waist, holding her close to him.  She settled further into his chest, causing him to sigh contentedly.  They danced together for a while, refusing others that attempted to cut in with either one of them, Marinette doing so significantly more politely than Jason did.  After a while, Tim tapped her on the shoulder.  “I thought I was your date.” He stated with a suspicious smile.

“Oh fuck off, Timbers.” Jason grunted at him, twirling Marinette so she was on the other side of him from Tim.

Marinette poked her head out around Jason’s side to give Tim a sheepish look. “Sorry, Tim.  You were busy.  Did you need a break from socializing?”

“Uh huh,” he responded sarcastically.  “No, I’m good.  And I thought you weren’t going to stay until midnight?  Something…” he eyed Jason meaningfully, “come up?”

Marinette looked at him in surprise and searched for a clock.  Surely it hadn’t been hours.  If felt like it had just been a few minutes with Jason.  She finally found the prominent clock that had been hung to countdown to midnight and gaped at it.  “Oh my God.  It’s almost midnight!”  She looked back to Tim in time to see him pulling back from whispering something in Jason’s ear.

“Well, I’m going to go call Kon so we can ring in the New Year together in some way.” Tim said tightly.  He leaned over and kissed Marinette on the cheek. “Happy New Year, Marinette.  I hope it’s a happy one.”  He gave Jason a pointed look.

“Happy New Year, Tim.  I hope it is for you as well.”  She smiled at him.  As soon as he left, Jason pulled Marinette back into his embrace.  “What was that about?”  She asked him.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“The whispering.  There isn’t a problem is there?  You’re not going to have to run off 2 minutes before midnight?”

Jason chuckled at her.  “No.  No, that was him warning me to treat you like you deserve.”

“Like I…” she thought about it and gave him a half-hearted smile before muttering. “Not sure if that is a threat to you or me.”  

“Threat for me, blessing for you.” Jason answered softly.

“You think too highly of me.” She shook her head with a small smile.

“Doubt it.” He answered back quietly.  “And it sounds like I’m going to be held personally accountable if your year isn’t amazing, so I better get on that.”

10

“Sounds like you’ll have to keep a close eye on me.  I can be a handful.” She said quietly, looking up at him from under her lashes.

9  

“Rough job, but amazing work environment.”  He answered just as quietly, pulling her even closer.

8

“And what are the benefits to giving you the job?” She gave him a playful smile.

7

“You get to see my roguishly handsome face and get Austen and Shakespeare quoted at you daily.”  He grinned back.

6  

“What if I prefer Verne or Hugo?” She asked with exaggerated innocence.

5  

“Then I’ll learn.” His eyes turned serious and his voice husky.

4  

Jason slowly moved one of his hands up her back, around her shoulder, and rested it on her neck, stroking her jaw with his thumb.

3  

Marinette parted her lips in surprise and leaned into his hand.

2  

Jason leaned down toward Marinette, stopping a bit short of her lips, giving her the chance to pull back if she wanted to.

1  

Marinette rose up to close the gap, meeting his lips in a soft, tentative, hopeful kiss.

The room erupted into cheers and applause at the clock striking midnight. Balloons dropped from the ceiling all around them, but the only thing Jason or Marinette noticed was each other. The feeling of the other’s lips against theirs.  The feel of the other’s hands on their bodies and the feel of their own hands on them. The warmth of each other’s bodies against their own.  The deep need that grew the longer they kissed.  When they finally broke apart, it was just far enough to catch their breath and stare in each other’s eyes.

“This was a great way to ring in the New Year.” She whispered against his lips.

He nodded absentmindedly, still in a daze from the kiss.  “There’s still a few more time zones that need to be rung in,” he said leaning down to capture her lips again in a passionate kiss.

[hepaidattention]

denial

part 3

where Allison never died in s3 and Lydia and Stiles are still going strong in the flirting game but still stubborn, so Allison decides to set them up (with Scott’s help of course).

find part one here

find part two here

Scott was a little afraid to ask Allison why she had driven them out into the woods at 9 o’clock at night. Thankfully he had enough intuition to know that Lydia’s text about Stiles planning stupid things and dark forest in Beacon Hills go hand in hand. That and she said she was going with him (wherever that may be) to make sure he stayed safe, so it probably meant Allison wanted to come out and follow them. He was still lost in the why, but at least he could figure out the root of it without having to ask too many questions. 

“Oh, there’s Stiles’ jeep!” Allison exclaimed, the excitement that she was expressing admittedly concerning. “Thank god, I thought we’d never find it.”

Scott had no idea they were even searching for said jeep, but in Allison’s defense Scott never asked. He hadn’t said much of anything since she got in the car, really. God, Stiles was right, he needed to get it together and say something.  He parked behind Stiles’ car and turned to face her for the first time in a long time. “So, what’s the plan?” he blurted, without much thought. Thankfully it wasn’t the worse of things to ask. 

“Well, I’m thinking we just go in, you can follow their scent right? I wanted to make this big grand scheme in setting them up together but then I realized first we need to know where we are in relationship status, you know? Like, for all we know they’re dating and just telling us they’re not. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised - have you noticed just how much time they spend together? AAlnd the texting, it’s non-stop, it’s...” she paused, stopping mid-sentence to look at Scott with an awkward shaping smile. “Sorry, I had a lot of coffee before getting in the car. I’m a little... wired.”

Be cool, Scott. Be cool. “No worries, I like it when you’re wired.” No, that was not cool. That was weird. Good god.

Allison sweetly smiled with the mouth, but the squinted eyes spoke volumes. She chose not to comment on his bizarre behavior and said, “I just want to spy on them, I know it’s like serious boundary crossing - but I need to know where they’re at before I start meddling.”

Scott nodded, slowly, then said, “Well they’re talking about their chemistry test tomorrow, if that helps you any on your hypothesis.”

Allison turned to him, eyes wide, “Oh my god, you can hear them right now?”

Scott just shrugged, still trying to seem as cool as possible. “Yeah, they’re only about a mile out I think. You know, if you had all of those questions, you could have just asked me before dragging us out here in the middle of the night.”

Allison laughed, “You? You wanted me to ask you Lydia and Stiles’ relationship status? And how are you supposed to know, huh? Are you some kind of relationship psychic?”

“Well, no,” Scott felt like he was blushing. Oh god was he blushing? “but I won’t deny I’m curious about them, too, so I … eavesdrop on occasion.”

“Oh my god,” Allison was grinning at him now, amusement sparking behind her eyes and making it to her beaming smile. “Scott McCall, do you spy on Lydia and Stiles on a regular basis?”

Scott was scratching the back of his neck now, “Would I be a bad person if I said yes?”

Allison was laughing. She was so pleased by this and it was a little odd for Scott to see. For one, it was hard for any of them to find the joy in things now and days. But second, he never realized how invested Allison was in Lydia and Stiles. She set them up for homecoming that one time, but she never ever really said anything else about them. 

“So what do they say? How often is the flirting? And oh my god, are they dating?”

“No on the dating,” Scott said amused. It was obvious the answer was no, but he entertained Allison and her passions anyway. “If they were dating we’d know. Trust me.”

Allison nodded and sunk into the passenger seat, “You’re right, heartbeats. You’d know if they were lying.”

“Well, that is true,” Scott offered, “but I meant mainly because Stiles is a horrible liar, and I honestly don’t think he could keep dating the girl he’s liked since 3rd grade a secret for more than maybe 30 seconds.” Allison laughed again, bringing a spark of joy in Scott’s own spirit. He forgot how much he loved hearing her laugh. 

“Okay, you do make a valid point. So then what about the flirting?”

“Non-stop.”

“Both sides? Equally?”

“Can I be honest?”

“Uh yeah, you better,”

Scott hesitated, almost afraid how Allison would react. “Lydia flirts more.”

Allison gasped, “No way.”

“I mean, that’s not saying Stiles doesn’t flirt, but Lydia... she initiates it most of the time. Stiles is just too clueless to pick up that it’s flirting. Any time I mention to him how she was flirting he insists it was just bickering.”

“Bickering is one of Lydia’s most common methods of flirting,” Allison crossed her arms and shook her head. “It confuses most men, we can’t be too hard on him over that.” Allison’s head fell to the side and she looked at Scott with curious eyes. “What are they talking about now?”

“It’s getting harder to hear them, but they’re talking about the Nemeton now.” Scott sat up at that, like a dog who heard something alarming. He looked at Allison like she heard it too (she did not, lack of supernatural hearing and all that), then he said, “Why is Stiles searching for the Nemeton?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Allison was genuinely surprised. “Here I thought you guys told each other everything.”

“Stiles likes to keep secrets when it comes to his safety. Allison, why would you guys let him go out there in search of that? I mean, what it did to him the first time - Deaton said that Stiles might always be vulnerable to the Nemeton’s pull. If he found it it would-”

“It would be fine because Stiles can take care of himself.” Allison cut off his panic with common sense. “Besides, he has Lydia. They always seem to make it out alive when they’re together.”

Scott growled at the implication that what they were doing was going to end in the need for survival. “Not helping.”

“Scott, c’mon, it’s not like they’ll even find it. Stiles has been searching for it since everything went down - it only is found when it wants to be found.” She gave his arm a gentle, reassuring squeeze. It helped. She always helped calm his nerves. “Plus, Stiles honestly probably just made this his plan because he knew Lydia would be too worried about him not to go along.”

Scott was shocked. He had no idea Stiles had been searching for the Nemeton, and he knew this was likely because Stiles knew how he would react if he did. “We should follow them. Just in case.”

Allison had the faintest of smiles casting over her lips as she softly nodded and said, “Okay, c’mon.”

They quietly stalked through the woods, just close enough that Scott could still hear their conversation, far enough back that they could run to the car and never be seen before the two made their way back themselves. Occasionally Allison would ask what they were talking about now, but the answers were always boring. School. A movie they watched last week. They’re bickering about which direction to go. And of course, Lydia telling Stiles he’s an idiot. 

“That’s the fourth idiot tonight,” Allison said breathlessly. 

Scott stopped and turned, seeing the wheels turning behind her eyes. “Yeah? Let’s be honest, Stiles is kinda an idiot sometimes. Even Stiles would tell you he can do math in his sleep but his common sense radar has been broken since-”

“He was born, yes I know,” Allison was thinking about something so sternly, her brows were causing a little wrinkled V above the bridge of her nose. “Scott, the only time I have ever known Lydia to tell boys they’re idiots is the one’s she likes. Like really likes, like Jackson likes, okay? And I’m not talking about her seeing an actual idiotic teenage boy and telling them they need to read a book or two. I mean her, oh my god you’re such an idiot I want to suck your face off use of the term idiot.”

He frowned, “How do you tell the difference?”

“This is Lydia Martin we’re talking about, Scott. If she’s being condescending, trust me, you’ll know.” She still wasn’t moving and the longer they stood there the farther their voices were becoming. Allison added, “And she’s said it four times.”

“Does that give you your answer then?” Scott heard Lydia giggling at something beyond stupid Stiles said, and Scott just started to realize how right Allison was on how this was basically just a very dark way of a date. Both so desperate to spend time with each other but also too stubborn to say anything about it that they’ll go out of their way to walk about a damp, dark forest just as an excuse to get dinner and dessert after. Scott considered for a split second that this wasn’t any different, Allison dragging Scott out in the middle of the night to “stalk” Stiles and Lydia but lacking in the actual stalking part. But he brushed off that thought the moment it passed through his mind - this was clearly a purely platonic friends thing. 

“I think I need to talk to Lydia.” Allison decided.

Suddenly, their voices were getting closer again. They were turning back. “We better go - sounds like they’re heading back this way.”

Allison furrowed her brow in confusion, “What? Why?”

Scott had to listen to find out. 

“Lydia, wait. So you got some mud on your shoes, I’ll replace them.”

“No, Stiles. This entire everything is useless. Wandering around the forest in the middle of the night is literally a huge waste of my time. I could be doing so many other things right now,”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Oh I don’t know, school for one? Do you even do your homework anymore?”

“Well, anymore implies that I ever did it, so...”

Scott looked at Allison and shrugged, “Sounds like Lydia got impatient.”

“She’s probably just trying to lead him off the scent. She’s been really worried Stiles is going to find it.”

Scott gave her a skeptical look, “Why does that sound like she knows where it is?”

“Probably because she does?” Scott looked at her with a slacked jaw. She just rolled her eyes, arms crossed across her chest. “What? Scott she’s like a supernatural metal detector, okay? I highly doubt she wouldn’t be able to sense it.”

“You said Stiles wasn’t in danger of finding it-”

“And he’s not because Lydia is here to make sure he doesn’t. See? Plan is fool proof. Now can we please go before Stiles and Lydia spot us?”

Their voices were getting even louder, it was evident they should leave. But he was even more afraid for their safety now. 

“God Lydia, could you at least slow the fuck down?”

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

“Shit - how do you even move that fast in heels?”

“It’s called grace and poise. You should try it sometime.”

Scott heard Stiles trip, then curse under his breath. They were getting way too close for comfort.

They were coming in hot. Scott knew they had to go. Explaining to nosy Stiles that he was spying on him was one thing, but Lydia was another. Scary Lydia.

“Scott, let’s go. C’mon!”

Scott finally put one foot in front of the other and made a run for it to the car. Once they reached it, he could tell Lydia and Stiles were not far behind. He started up the engine and zoomed off down the street, hoping to god neither of them saw or heard the car before they could get away. 

Scott was silent, they both were. All Scott could think about now was what all he didn't know about Stiles and his schemes recently. Allison, she had one thought in mind the entire car ride home: she had to talk to Lydia.

-

to be continued 

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (6) || atz

“So it was the prisoner that saw the monster first, huh?”

You're standing on the quarterdeck for the second, shifting from one foot to the other uneasily. The captain eyes you suspiciously once more and like a frightened animal  you stand up a little straighter unconsciously.

“Yes, captain.” Seonghwa nods seriously. “He saved us all.”

Hongjoong then scrutinizes you once more, as if trying to come up with some explanation how the monster could be part of some bizarre plan to infiltrate the ship. Then the lookout, Yunho, steps in.

“He did, Cap'n. Even I couldn't see it.”

“Maybe you got lazy and were slacking off on duty, Yunho.” Hongjoong gives his crew member a disgruntled look, but Yunho doesn't flare up or get angry, instead just laughs in agreement.

“Of course I was. Everyone gets bored and slacks off during lookout duty.” He grins with disarming charm, before his face turns serious once more. “But I have to admit, Cap'n, even if I were paying attention, I doubt I could have spotted the creature.”

Hongjoong then turns to you, wearing the most annoyed expression he can possibly contort his face into. You swallow.

“Well, it appears that the ship and I are in your debt-”

The striking purple haired gunner, who you now know to be Wooyoung, pipes up cheerily. “He did save our lives!”

Wooyoung is a curious character. He's undeniably good looking, with hair an unnatural shade of purple and a friendly, easygoing smile. But it's the broken shackles around his wrists that catch your attention, the iron collar resting against his throat that makes you wonder so much more about him.

“Thank you for reminding me.” If looks could kill, Wooyoung would be floating face down in the Davy Jones Locker by now. Hongjoong clears his throat with a vexed cough and continues. “Like I was saying earlier, the ship and I are in your debt-”

Seonghwa nods once again. “That is to be deserving of some reward, at least.”

You see the captain's fingers reach for his swords and for a moment you worry for the cook's life.

“However, I still do not trust you.”

Behind him, San lets out a long suffering sigh and Hongjoong whips around to eyeball him with a sharp glare that goes sailing over the healer’s head before he tries to continue.

“As I was saying, I do not trust you, but-”

“We do owe a life debt to him, though.” Mingi ponders out loud and Hongjoong finally loses it.

“Everyone keep your mouths shut and stop interrupting me! I am the captain, for sod's sake, and god help me if I do not throw you lot overboard the next second I see your mouths open!”

There’s a pause.

“Sorry captain.” The five of them chorus obediently in synchronization, but you see them share tiny, amused smiles. Your eyes widen. They're pulling the captain's leg?

Hongjoong tugs his red jacket closer around him with a huff. “Honestly, does nobody on this ship respect me anymore? Has everyone on board forgotten that I am the captain? As I was saying…” He glances suspiciously around at his five crew members, as if expecting another smart remark to leave their mouths, but they keep silent with barely restrained snickers. He turns back to you. “The ship and I are in your debt. I do not trust you yet, but I am willing to give you a chance to earn it.”

Your eyes widen in surprise as you take that in. He's offering you food, a shelter, a home. You don't have to be alone anymore. You aren't a prisoner any longer. Then your mouth opens before you can run the words by your brain.

“But you hate me!”

At this, San breaks out into full blown laughter, the other three chortling under their breath. Hongjoong gives them murderous glares that go completely ignored, before sighing in resignation as they continue sniggering.

“I do not hate you. I merely mistrust you.” The captain kicks San in the leg, which only makes the healer erupt in another fit of uncontrollable giggles. “I expect hard, honest work from you. And my words still stand the same, if I discover you to be of any way related to the Royal Navy, I'm blowing your head off.”

“I thought you said you were going to gut him the last time.” Mingi comments with all seriousness and sprints away laughing when Hongjoong tosses his boot at him. Seonghwa hides his smile behind his hand politely.

You can't believe your eyes. They can actually joke and play around with their captain. You thought Hongjoong had been some kind of tyrant, savage, cold and with some kind of desire to see your head on a spike, who ruled his ship with an iron fist. The laughter you hear ringing out from his crew is so real, so genuine that you can't believe this is the same person who threatened to gut you like a pig.

“Either way, I believe the polite response would be to graciously accept.” Hongjoong huffs as Mingi waves his captain's boot teasingly from the safety of the main deck, much to the amusement of the rest of the crew. “We'll need to get you some proper clothes and some weaponry training from Jongho or Yunho, and some sort of job for you on board.”

“I could take him as an apprentice.” San suggests, and your heart swells with gratefulness as you can tell you he's trying to spare you from manual labour. “He could help Seonghwa as a cook as well.”

“Very well.” Hongjoong nods, eyes still trained on Mingi dancing around the deck with his boot. You never thought the quartermaster would have such a playful personality either. “Seonghwa, are you alright with that?”

“I follow anything you command, captain.” The cook replies honestly, and Hongjoong groans.

“I told you, call me Hongjoong.”

Seonghwa's smile remains unchanged.

“Yes, captain.”

“San and Seonghwa will tell you what to do from now on.” The captain tells you, eyes serious. “Do not disappoint me.”

For a second, your breath is taken by the intensity of his gaze and you swear you see the oceans in his eyes.

The blessing of a sea god, huh? I could almost believe it.

“Yes, captain!” You shout, springing to attention. Hongjoong look shocked at your willingness for a moment, before a minuscule smile curves on his lips. It's gone so quick you almost miss it, but it's there.

Your mouth falls open in abject shock.

Then he turns to the main deck. “Get your ass back here, Mingi!”

And the next instant, the captain is chasing down his own quartermaster, laughing like a young man, his carefree laughter drifting over on the wind.

“See?” Seonghwa steps next to you, a hand on your shoulder. “I told you that captain doesn't actually hate you.”

With that, he steps down to the main deck, heading for the galley. Wooyoung joins him, skipping down to where the gun crews are cleaning out the cannons once more.

“That went well.” San looks amused, watching his captain and quartermaster race around the deck as the crew cheer them on. “It seems as if you will be us even beyond Tortuga, then. I expect you to study hard under me.”

You look at him with wide eyes. “Were you serious about me becoming your apprentice?”

The healer gives you a dry look. “Does it look like I was joking?”

“But I'm an amnesiac!” You bluster nervously, suddenly in panic at the thought of having to learn something. “I don't remember how to be an apprentice!”

“And I've never had an apprentice either, so I suppose we're in the same boat.” San retorts calmly, his gentle hand coming to rest on your head. “Do me proud, apprentice.”

At that, you almost don't notice the tears streaming down your cheeks.

The next morning, San wakes you up bright and early to assist Seonghwa with preparing breakfast for the crew. When you ask him what he's up to, he simply shrugs and wanders off to the storage hold. He's probably counting the apples in the hold again.

The cook gives you a blinding smile when he sees you. “Here you are! I was wondering when you'd arrive. Would you help me cut the dried meat?”

Your fingers fumble with the knife, clumsy and unsteady, as if you've never held one your entire life. For all you know, you could have. But Seonghwa is infinitely patient with you, he wraps a hand around your smaller one and guides you with a gentle patience, and at the end of it all, you're sure you've improved, at the very least.”

“Now wrap each piece in this flatbread.” The cook instructs you and you follow, until someone knocks on the galley door. Seonghwa looks up in surprise.

“Come in!” He calls, and when the door swings open, you’re pretty sure you’ve died and gone to heaven.

Nobody can look that good. Nuh uh. Not possible. He looks like he was sculpted by the gods themselves, with a jawline sharper than the knife you’re holding and gentle, delicate features that remind you of nobility. There’s an air of quiet confidence to him that ensnares the senses, and you don’t even realize that you’re gaping like a dying fish until Seonghwa taps you on the shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He asks, eyeing you worriedly. You choke out a little ‘no’.

“Ah, you’re the stowaway, aren’t you?” The man smiles at you as he closes the galley door behind him, and you feel like you got slapped in the face by the fact he’s actually moving and talking and isn’t actually a statue. “I heard you broke Mingi’s nose.”

That snaps you out of your daze real quick.

“I did.” You nod, a little sheepishly. Seonghwa chuckles, passing a bread roll to the man.

“Eat up.” Then he turns to you. “This is our navigator, language expert and sailing master, Kang Yeosang. He’s very knowledgeable about all things ocean related and loves anything to do with mythical things.”

“Thank you for the introduction, hyung.” Yeosang rolls his eyes but takes a bite of his breakfast with a smile, seating himself opposite you.

You pause. This has been eluding you for quite some time, but you finally pipe up.

“Hey… I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while, but what is a hyung? I hear Mingi calling the captain that, but what does it mean?”

Seonghwa and Yeosang exchange brief looks.

“Why doesn’t our resident language expert answer that?” Seonghwa gestures to Yeosang, who sighs good naturedly, but answers anyway.

“If you are a man in the company of an older man, you should refer to them as hyung, and when your conversation partner being an older woman, then you call her noona.” Yeosang explains, taking another bite of his food. You nod thoughtfully.

“So, assuming I’m younger than both of you, I should call you Seonghwa-hyung and Yeosang-hyung?”

Yeosang applauds you. “You learn quickly, stowaway.”

A genuine smile breaks out across your face. You’ve never actually learned anything before, at least not that you remember, but it seems that you’re improving!

Yeosang gets to his feet. “Well then, I’ll be off. Hyung, can you pass me some food for captain?”

Seonghwa nods, bustling in the back as he prepares another bread roll for his captain. You look up at Yeosang for a moment as a thought occurs in your mind.

“Yeosang-hyung, how does the captain steer the ship all the time? Doesn’t he need to sleep too?”

The navigator looks at you in surprise. “Hongjoong-hyung doesn’t steer the ship all by himself. He swaps shifts with Mingi.” Seonghwa passes him a plate of bread and dried meat. “I’ll be going now. See you around, stowaway.”

You wave as he leaves, the door gently closing behind him as he ascends to the captain’s cabin.

“Captain.”

Yeosang opens the door to find his captain on his break from the wheel, a mug of tea in hand and a thick book in the other. His one eye flits across the worn pages so quickly no one would guess he had just learnt to read barely two years ago. His captain ponders on a page, bookmarks it quickly, before moving on to the next. He’s so absorbed in his work he doesn’t even notice when Yeosang shuts the door behind him.

“Captain, shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

At that, Hongjoong does jump, almost drawing his musket before he realizes it’s just Yeosang with a plate of his breakfast. He snaps the book shut so fast that dust flies from its pages, trying to act as calm as possible while discreetly shoving it under the blankets on Yeosang’s bed.

“I keep telling you, call me Hongjoong.”

“Yes captain.” It’s a long running joke between all of them, that none of them actually call him by name. He sets the plate in front of Hongjoong, silently sliding the book out from beneath the covers. His captain takes a bite.

“A Complete Sum of Names Commonly used in the East and Their Meaning.” Hongjoong chokes on his bread and makes a swipe for the book, but his navigator simply dances out of the way, flipping to one of the dog eared pages and beginning to read the names out loud.

“Dahae, meaning big ocean. It combines the characters of much (多) and ocean (海).”

“Give it back!” Hongjoong makes another grab for it, but Yeosang simply tosses the book into his other hand and continues reading smoothly.

“Myeongeun, with the character 明 myeong meaning bright, light, brilliant; clear and the character 恩 eun meaning kindness, mercy, charity.”

“Stop it!” Hongjoong manages to yank the book back into his arms, stuffing it back in the shelf. There's a knowing smile on Yeosang's face that he doesn't quite like the look of. “And wipe that grin off your face. I was just doing a little light reading.”

“Of course, captain. You were reading about names. It’s an interesting, broad topic. I should start reading about it as well.” His navigator replies with a polite cough and a smile.

Hongjoong eyes one of his oldest friends suspiciously. He can't tell whether he's making fun of him or actually being serious. “Anyway, I need to discuss something with you. Do you know what was chasing us today?��

At his captain's words, Yeosang's smile slides off his face, only to be replaced by an uncharacteristic scowl. “I'm not sure, captain. It was dark and didn't surface above the water so I didn't get to see how it looked like clearly. But from its size and the way it moved…”

“It swam like some sort of squid… or octopus.” Hongjoong recalls, brows pinching together as he tries to associate its characteristics with any sea creature he knows. “Can't be the mermaids, and it's too big to be a shark or octopus…”

Yeosang crosses the room to pull out a book from a shelf, its pages tattered and yellowed with time. It's a thick tome, but Yeosang simply flips to a single page, as if he's known what he was looking for the whole time.

Then he slams the book down on the table.

“Here.”

Hongjoong's fingers reach for the book, eye flitting over the page. It's a crudely hand drawn rendition of a monstrous beast, some sort of cross between a squid and octopus, powerful suckers and deadly spikes along the length of its twelve tentacles. It's two eyes are huge, and according to the small ship drawn next to it for comparison, it's at least three times the size of the Treasure. Each tentacle could wrap around his ship with ease.

“And then I saw it, the gigantic beast thought to be legend.” Hongjoong reads aloud grimly. “Its head towered above the crow's nest of the ship, and each of its tentacles stretching over two hundred feet. I looked up, it was so large in size that it blocked out the sun, and saw two eyes the colour of blood, each twice of me and then some. It raised a tentacle, and in one sweep destroyed all three masts, smashing them to nothing more than matchwood.

The Gallic slave aboard the ship declared aloud, ‘Praise to Sǣr, the sea and storm.” In the next second, he was thrown into the sea and was never to be seen again.

It is the loyal servant of the sea goddess, the one who breathes the oceans. It travels the deep, carrying out her bidding. The men call it the hafgufa, or in our native tongue…

… the Kraken.”

[valdemart]

Valdebreed (Part 1)

When your significant other is a wealthy mad scientist demon lacking several human emotions, you don’t get a normal life. In fact, you give up a lot more than you realized you would have to. You just have to hope they also realize it.

(Afab Reader has sex with Valdemar with the intent to start a family. Some good angst, minor body horror, breeding kink tentacle smut. No sex in the first part. I wrote too damn much.)

 “You’re going to pop any day, huh?”

Annabella beamed at you, grinning widely.

“The doctor says it will happen sometime this week. Early next week at the latest.”

That comment gave you pause.

“Wait. You’re not working, are you?”

Annabella waved your concern off.

“Of course not. Even if I wanted to, the Countess wouldn’t allow it. But I’m bored at home all day just waiting for the baby to come and I wanted to chat with everyone.”

That was reassuring, at least. You didn’t think Annabella could work, not with such a huge belly. Her arms probably couldn’t even reach the stove at this point.

“Oh! They’re kicking! Did you want to feel?”

Without waiting for your answer, Annabella grabbed your hand and placed it on her lower stomach and, sure enough, you felt a little kick against your searching fingers. You couldn’t hide your delight and the mother laughed at how happy you looked.

“Careful. You’ll catch baby fever from me and end up the next staff out on maternity leave.”

You smiled in response, your hand still resting against her stomach.

“Who knows? Maybe.”

You didn’t know Annabella well enough to get into why children probably weren’t in the cards for you. Besides, why bring the mood down? You were perfectly content to let this little baby kick you all day.

“Ugh. Excuse me, dear. This little bundle of joy has me having to pee every 20 minutes, I swear.”

You waved goodbye and watched the cook waddle away down the hall. As you stood there, lost in your thoughts, you felt a small hand tug on your shirt and you jumped in surprise.

“Procurator! You scared me!”

Volta stood well below you, looking up at you with her large, watery eyes.

“Volta saw you rubbing that servant girl’s belly. Do you like babies?”

“Oh, yeah. Of course, I do. Doesn’t everyone?”

Volta shook her head.

“No. They are loud and their crying scares Volta. But Volta wonders if what the servant said is true.”

“If what part was true?”

“That you will be the next one to have a baby.”

The bluntness of ponderings made you blush.

“Oh, um…probably not.”

She cocked her head to the side like a confused puppy.

“But why not. You just told Volta that you like babies.”

You liked Volta. She was genuinely sweet, weird quirks of hers aside. But this was a weird conversation to be stuck in with her. Even if she was pushing a couple decades old, she didn’t seem to know much about more ‘grown up’ matters. And you didn’t want to explain the birds and a bees to a tiny demon in the middle of a palace hallway. Especially when there were elements of your particular birds and bees that you yourself were unsure of.

“I don’t think the Quaestor would be much interested in having children.”

“Did you ask Quaestor Valdemar to have a baby with you?”

That one was a step too far for you. You could feel your cheeks heating up.

“Oh no! Volta has embarrassed the magician!”

“It’s-it’s fine, Volta. It’s just complicated, is all. Hey, uh, I heard they were making cucumber ice cream in the kitchen.”

That was all you had to say to make Volta scamper off. While horribly embarrassing, at least that conversation was short. However, you noticed your mood had soured quite considerably in that time. While you had never discussed children, you knew Valdemar would never want them even if they could get you pregnant, and you doubted very much that they could. Your elation for the sweet mother to be had deflated and you felt a weak longing in your chest.

You could give sweets to the children of staffers and entertain them with card tricks and little illusions, but you would always be the fun auntie and never the mother. That was just your life now. A part of you had always known. From the moment you let Valdemar kiss you after learning what they truly were, you knew your life would never be ‘normal’. And that was fine at the time. It was then, it was when you moved in with them, and it was still fine now. But it wasn’t until now that you were hurt by that knowledge.

As long as you were with Valdemar, you would never be a mother.

 The sun was setting as your carriage pulled up at the front gate of Valdemar’s estate. You had been able to forget your somber morning realization enough to fulfill all your duties as Court Magician that day. Luckily it had just been some minor spells and charms. But, as you had worked, you made a promise to yourself to not think about it any longer. Why should you lose sleep tonight over something you couldn’t control?

You thanked the driver and gave him a few coins while ignoring his concerned look. It was the same look all the drivers gave you when they dropped you off. Every single one of them always looked at you with a face that screamed ‘Hey, Lady, are you sure you want to go in there? I’ll drive you somewhere safe and not horrifying’. It was just another concession you made in your new life. Put ignoring weird looks right up there with never having babies and never getting married and sleeping alone most of the time and…

You felt the sting of tears in your eyes and your shoulders slumped.

‘So much for not letting me get myself down.’

You stood at the front door for a moment. You could run. You could go back to town and start a normal life. Fall in love with a human. Do normal human things. Fall asleep with a warm body next to you every night. Have a family. Grow old with them and die a few months after each other.

You shook your head at your foolishness. You don’t pick who you fall in love with, and you don’t deny it for the sake of comfort and familiarity. If anyone could roll with the punches, it was you. So far, not even death had been able to stop you.

“I’m home!” You called out once you were in the large marble foyer. You did this every time you came home, but you rarely got an answer. If Valdemar wasn’t out doing gods only knew what, then they were downstairs working.

“In the dining room, Little One,” came the reply, and you almost jumped out of your skin.

Valdemar? In the dining room? Not once had you ever seen them in there. Not once in over a year. Did they even know how to get to the dining room?

If you had been confused when you first arrived home, you were double confused once you were actually in the dining room. The fireplace as well as several candelabras were lit, warming off the darkness that was taking over outside.

“There you are, Dear Magician. Please, have a seat.”

Valdemar was sitting at the far end of the dining table, which was clear on the other side of the room. On the side nearest you was a bowl of soup in fine, white china. There was steam rising tantalizingly off it, and your stomach rumbled. You were always invited to dine with the servants at the palace, and normally you did, but your dower mood had spoiled your appetite so you hadn’t had much. Still, this was a bizarre sight and you stayed where you were.

“Who died?”

Valdemar grinned. You could see their large, white shark teeth clear across the table.

“Several thousand humans I imagine. As they do every night. But no one we know.”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Valdemar just sat, unblinking and smiling, waiting patiently for you to sit. So, you did.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment until Valdemar motioned towards the food. You could smell that it was chicken and you saw droplets of oil floating on top of the broth above peas and carrots. Whatever horrible news Valdemar was about to tell you, you could at least hear it with a full stomach. It was warm and salty and you were quickly halfway through the bowl. Then they finally spoke.

“I had an unexpected guest for lunch. They brought their own servants to cook.”

Well, that was still weird, but at least it explained everything. Valdemar only had a few cleaning staff that came a couple times a week. You were the only one that ever used the kitchen. Valdemar also wasn’t terribly concerned with etiquette, so you raised the bowl to your lips to drink down the rich broth.

“My guest was the Procurator.”

Also weird for Valdemar to actually host the Procurator, since they usually didn’t care what she had to say, but they did work together.

You licked your lips and set the bowl down, realizing how much better you felt with something warm in your stomach.

“What did the Procurator need?”

Valdemar smiled wider, which shouldn’t have been possible, but it was Valdemar, so they could.

“She told me the two of you had a very interesting conversation.”

“We did?”

You talked to Volta about Annabella’s baby for all of two minutes before she ran off for a snack. It was embarrassing, yes, but hardly lunch visit worthy. You tried to think back to any other conversations the two of you had in the past month, but they had all been about food. What the Hell was Valdemar talking about?

“What makes you so sure I don’t want children?”

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no!

Your mouth opened to speak, but no words came out, so you sat there, looking like a palace pond koi.

“I must say, that’s a bit presumptuous of you. I don’t recall ever having spoken to you on the subject.”

Valdemar was clearly enjoying your discomfort. They were looking at you like they were Valerius reading the label of a fine bottle of vintage wine.

“You look embarrassed. You couldn’t have been this embarrassed when you were discussing such intimate things with the Procurator. She said it was imperative that I give you a baby. She recommended us starting on it tonight.”

Did you know a spell to make the ground open up and swallow you? No, unfortunately. But you did make a mental note to figure one out if you survived this.

“I…It’s not like I…She didn’t even…”

Valdemar watch you flounder with your words, savoring each mortified little stutter you made. They may not have been physically sadistic with you, but no one could say they didn’t love to torture you other ways.

You sighed and looked down at the table, trying to collect yourself.

“Ok, I shouldn’t have assumed. But am I wrong? Do you want children? Can you even make children?”

At least hearing Valdemar admit you were right would help soothe your ego a little.

“I’m not sure.”

“See!? You don’t even want-“

You cut yourself off and stared at them.

“Wait. What?”

“I said I’m not sure. I hadn’t ever taken the time to think about it. Only a few short years ago I wouldn’t have considered a relationship with a human and yet here we are. That means there are other aspects that need to be considered as well. And physically, I’m unsure if I am able to procreate, especially with a human. It’s not something I had ever looked into.”

Valdemar admitting to being unsure of something? Clearly, you had died from the plague again and you were stuck in some coo coo crazy afterlife. Absurdity of it all aside, you felt yourself growing aggravated.

“Ok. Are you done now?”

Valdemar cocked their head.

“Whatever do you mean, Little One?”

“I mean, are you done now? You had this whole nice set up to embarrass me and I am. So, are you done now? You’re very clever and I’m a very dumb little human. I fucking get it.”

Valdemar’s smile dropped.

“I don’t appreciate that tone, Apprentice.”

Your arms prickled with goosebumps as they stared you down across the table. ‘Apprentice’ was what they said as a more polite way of calling you an insolent little shit. They rarely used it with you but, when they did, it usually had you shape up pretty quickly. But tonight, it wasn’t going to work. All the heartache of the day had come back to you, and you felt that hurt bubble into anger. Your mouth filled with venom. How dare they embarrass you like this? After all you’ve given up for them.

“I didn’t talk to you about it because I knew you wouldn’t care! You don’t care when I get home, you don’t care when I go to bed alone, and you don’t care if I’m lonely! I-“

You stopped. That’s exactly what it was. You got lonely. It was lonely in a giant palace with a demon that didn’t like to cuddle or play kissy face or have sex. You felt the unshed tears from earlier and all the anger in you shriveled and died like early clover under a frost. You couldn’t just have kids because you were lonely. Children shouldn’t come into the world with a job to do. That was a terribly unfair burden to place on an infant. You couldn’t just make someone and want them to fix you.

You turned away from the table, knowing that if you had to look at them you would cry.

“I’m going to spend to night at the shop,” You said, your voice unsteady.

Two cold, gloved arms wrapped around your waist and you were pulled back against Valdemar. They had crossed the room in a few silent seconds.

“Lemme go,” you whimpered quietly, your bottom lip trembling. You didn’t want to start sobbing after you had just gotten done yelling like some kind of mad woman.

One of the hands released you and brushed your hair back from your face.

“Hush now, Little Mouse. There’s no need for tears.”

Of course, with Valdemar asking you not to cry, your eyes decided you absolutely had you and you sobbed pitifully.

“Poor Little Human. So many emotions to feel.”

They loosened their grip and turned you around gently so you could cry against them. You always tried so hard not to cry in front of them, but you were too far gone to stop now. Their fingertips started to trail up and down your back soothingly as they made no attempt to push you off of them despite the excessive display of emotion you were putting on.

“I knew you were lonely. It would be very lonely, to come back from death’s realm. Perhaps the only human to do so. I suppose it feels simpler than that.”

You stopped crying and looked up at them with surprise. They were right. Even when people knew you had come back, Hell, even with Asra, you felt a wall between yourself and them. No one understood what it was like to come back. No one understood death like you did. No one understood being alive but knowing exactly how it felt to die. Except Valdemar, of course. But you didn’t know they knew about those feelings.

“A child won’t understand you either,” they explained as they softly brushed their thumb against your cheek.

“Do you…can you have children?” You asked softly. The pain of earlier was gone. You finally felt seen. Someone finally understood your quandary. You had tried to voice your loneliness to Asra and Portia once. They had both hugged you tightly and assured you that you weren’t alone and that they loved you. But they were wrong. As much as you loved each other, they didn’t understand the loneliness you meant. Even with half a heart, Asra didn’t know what it was to be alive when you shouldn’t be.

“I simply don’t know. I’ve never tried.”

Valdemar looked down at you with crimson, slitted eyes that should have been unnerving, if not terrifying, but you felt so soft and safe under them.

“It’s…probably something we should talk about later.”

“Of course, Dear One. Although, for the sake of science, I was hoping you’d try with me tonight.”

You stared at them, trying to process what they were saying. You had swung through too many moods tonight for their weird analytical speaking.

“I had had your bedroom ready for after dinner. Before I had teased you too much.”

“Wait, you mean you wanted to...” Were they talking about sex? Had they planned to have sex with you before you blew up?

“Considering how the evening played out, perhaps you should just sleep for tonight, hm?”

Perhaps. They were probably right about you needing to sleep this off. But you had had sex with Valdemar so rarely that just the prospect had your body lit up. Of course, they got you off plenty with their hands and occasionally their mouth, but the two of you had only had actual sex a handful of times. But now they wanted to? And they set up for it?

You wiped your eyes on the back of your hands quickly.

“No. We mustn’t keep science waiting. Important discoveries to be made and all that.”

Valdemar searched your face, looking for any sign that you might be lying to them about being ok now. When they could only see your genuine excitement, they grinned.

“Fascinating little thing that you are.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2 is gonna have it all! Body horror! Tentacle sex! Knotting! Dirty talk! Whatever else I decide is hot! Stay tuned!

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Right. So. Not sure how I felt about the other storylines tonight (especially the Lucky stuff), but that was the best Henrik content we’ve had in a long, long time!

First of all, THEY ACTUALLY MENTIONED GASKELL!! I am genuinely in shock, I legitimately can’t believe that they actually mentioned him. This is the first mention he’s had in over TWO YEARS. “You poured all your faith, love, and trust into him, and he chewed it all up and spat this version of you out.”

The show really is openly admitting that Henrik was in love with John now, huh. And people still try to insist Henrik is straight? Lmaooo. Anyway, that line may very well have been to remind the viewers of Henrik’s bisexuality, because...

Russ is DEFINITELY a new love interest. Him and Henrik have way, WAY too much tension for this to not be leading to something.

When we first saw Russ, he was talking about Henrik pulling him from a body of water to save his life. Which is an exact role reversal of Henrik’s last male love interest (John) having pulled him from a lake to save his life. Then there’s the way Russ said he was “admiring the work of an old friend” - almost the exact same tone John used when he told Serena he and Henrik were “old friends”.

And THEN there was the “kiss of life” line. Yes, in context they just meant CPR. But come on, this is Holby, they don’t know subtlety when it comes to foreshadowing - if they weren’t playing into the romantic hints, they would have had Russ straight up say “he gave me CPR”. Need I remind you they get locked in a room together in a couple of weeks? I’d bet you anything they’ll have a real kiss in that room.

Also, yep, we hadn’t really seen Henrik express interest in any men outside Gaskell until now, but we can now safely say he definitely has a thing for bad boys lmao.

Also related to the Henrik and Russ plotline - Ollie Valentine is BACK, folks! We all knew he was the return, but I’m still very, very happy to see him. I’m very interested to see where his plotline goes. I’m relieved they haven’t magically cured him of his brain injury after all.

Speaking of which, when Russ told Henrik “he’s like you”, for a very brief moment I seriously thought he was referring to them both having mental disabilities (Ollie’s brain injury, Henrik’s autism) lolll. Of course, the thing about them both having been through a great deal of trauma made much more contextual sense.

Elsewhere in this episode, Russ and Henrik weren’t the only ones having weird queer tension - Max and Lucky are being as sapphic as ever. It helps that their current storyline? Is copy and pasted right from an actual gay couple’s storyline on Emmerdale. Aaron and Jackson - they were going out for a while, then Jackson ended up paralysed and asked Aaron to help him die. So. You know.

The rest of the Lucky stuff, the romantic tension with Max aside, was... weird. The whole thing with her hallucinating the nurse lady (played by Ethan’s ex off Casualty) was just bizarre. I don’t really know what they’re trying to achieve with this.

Depending on how this plays out (i.e. whether or not Lucky changes her mind), it’s either ironic or deliberate that they’ve chosen pretty much the one character who could become quadriplegic and still continue doing their job for this storyline. There may be some things she couldn’t keep doing, granted, but stuff like doing counselling is still plausible.

The Josh stuff is actually really good so far. A good mental health storyline? On MY Holby? Could it be?! Let’s hope it is.

And oh, Eli. Eli, I love you, and I know you have low empathy, and I know you were trying your best, but telling Josh to suck it up and deal with it isn’t very good advice.

Also, the whole thing with Donna and Fletch burning Jeni’s stuff right outside the hospital was odd. Would they even be allowed to do that? Who knows.

And that’s pretty much all I’ve got to say on this episode.