#genuinely about things
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Are we ever going to actually talk again?
#i just wish you missed me#even a bit#i wish we could talk#genuinely about things#i know youre done#youre moving on#youre done with me#i guess i should start moving on too#but i just cant#i cant#im so fucking pathetic#i wish youd read these#i wish youd tell me you still had aome kind of feelings for me#i wish i could hear you tell me you loved me again even if you didnt mean it#i cant believe how stupid i am#you probably dont think of me at all#im so easily forgettable#and im stupid#the things i say never make aense#im a fucking failure#mine#im just gonna try to stop bothering you.#i think everything i say makes you annoyed at me#and im stupid and cant figure out the right things to say#im sorry ollie#i miss you#im sorry for ruining everything#we would have celebrated our 5 years together in 5 days#i cant believe ive lost you
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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i'll let phie-san say it:
#the vids i've seen on tiktok picking at her immediately get a block...#bitter otaku sitting in their socks in their mom's basement feeling threatened/enraged by a hot successful black woman outnerding them-core#also this kind of criticism is so demoralising and damaging to people who are trying to learn another language#also. accents are NORMAL and not a bad thing#i don't think that the end goal of picking up a new language necessarily has to be sounding native#and i know sometimes the way japanese people react like SUGOIII? *W* when a foreigner says like one (1) word in japanese is joked about#but like... genuinely... i always love when someone clearly has made an effort and took the time to learn some of the language#anyway she can step on those haters <3#also like. it’s just some lines in a song people need to relax…#megan thee stallion#autoplay warning#japan#japanese#language#mamushi
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tfw "popular" fanon becomes so embedded in a fandom & discussions within fandom spaces that people just start treating it as the default and all interactions with others are coloured by this interpretation. have you considered that I actually don't subscribe to this take, which is nowhere in the source material? wait nvm, clearly not.
#it makes me so annoyed#genuinely idc about discourse everyone do your thing but like. it's YOUR interpretation. it's not universal.
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"So, handling your archnemesis," Danny starts. The room falls quiet, heads slowly turning to look at the man as he writes the words on the chalkboard. When finished, the characters somehow both messy and neat at once, Danny places the chalk back down and claps his hands.
"I typically call them fruitloops. Often they're in a better position than you are- older, richer, more powerful. They may have some sort of status that protects them when facing the public."
Tim wondered where Dick was right now, and if he was laughing. His brain was lagging like a computer as he tried to process what Danny was saying, and how seriously a few of his fellow teen vigilantes were taking this.
"Some of their more common tactics are-" the chalk was picked back up, and Danny writes as he speaks.
"Manipulation, isolation, conditioning, and empathy."
MICE.
Tim stares at the board, and quietly slips put his phone.
-What have I done to deserve this.
Enjoy your lessons Tim-
His head thumps against the desk. Conner leans over, gives him a pat on the shoulder but returns to taking notes as Danny goes on to explain the conditioning tactic.
#small bit#i genuinely have been imagining bits where danny comes in as a classroom setting and just has a bunch of teen vigilantes and heroes#he records his lessons and offers them out so that if any other teen heroes not jl affiliated want some advice they can access it#danny phantom#dc comics#tim drake#dick grayson#fic idea#gonna call this vigilante tutor danny au#vigilante tutor danny au#danny fenton#dpxdc#in this au danny works more with JLD as a human and as an adviser to JL in general#but he actually likes focusing on his college degrees and learning magic on the side#he doesnt crack out his ghost form unless for emergencies or handling things in the Realms#none of the batfamily believed Dick when he said Danny was gonna have valuable advice for teen heroes#tim listens and realizes how much of this applies to him specifically#this sort of ties into the post i made about dc timelines with dp#roommates danny fenton and dick grayson
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#i’m ALWAYS thinking about this game#it genuinely never leaves my head it’s my favorite thing ever#my roman empire fr#i love cowboys#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption#john marston#arthur morgan#arthur morgan x reader#charles smith
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Gravity falls comics compilation Volume 1 download here!
#Felt genuinely sick thinking about post weirdmageddon fiddauthor where they reconnect and fall back into old habits of researching together#and the enrichment of talking to each other with different puzzles#It's their little thing... Ford makes riddles in numbers and Fidds unravels them... Ford makes the equations and Fidds builds the machine..#Ford asks and Fidds answers back... This is their mating dance. This is their Thing.#fiddleford#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleauthor#fiddauthor#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#stan pines#stanley pines
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genuinely is my brain erasing itself or is google/tumblr censoring that post about notre dame and old growth forests.
#i know we joke about tumblr's (lack of) search function#but at some point this is surely (less) passive (more) aggressive#(particularly against people with memory issues...is this. is this gaslighting.#am i. am i being GASLIGHTED. by a social media platform who isn't even my PARENT???)#that post is ingrained in my memory but google image is flirting and fwirling its fan 'haha! you're so cute! and Imagining Things. Dear :-)#i have Looked okay! i've looked! and i've looked for a SEVERAL DOZEN POSTS before this after talking To People...and behold!#...this last year or two i *genuinely* can't find posts 4 out of 5 times.#what the COOL GELITAN FUCK is going on#geletan#gel#GELTAIN#GELA--im so scared right now#so tired#GELITAN#what the chilled gelitan fuck is going on#update: i Am being gaslit just not about the spelling of gelly-thing#i'm both stupid AND being gaslit. these things! can! coexist! *sad clapping*
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FNAF Into the pit got William Afton a new hater..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#micheal afton#oswald fnaf#springtrap#william afton#pittrap#into the pit#fnaf itp#sister location#fazbear frights#INTO THE PIT IS SOO FUN#I’ve been playing through it and god I hope they make 50 more of these#I genuinely think all the frights and tales stories can fit into this game style#SO I wanted to draw a lil thing here about Oswald#feel like I gotta draw the lil guy more#THINKING of Oswald and Michael meeting is so funny#they TECHNICALLY both had the same dad for at least a moment#Michael just actually confused of what his ‘dad’ did#LEAST the nightmare agony version of him#William sucks as a dad EVEN as a weird ghost hallucination
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this opening ceremony is basically a mix between Eurovision and Pride with a sprinkle of Olympics thrown in there
#olympics#i have a lot of things to hate but i genuinely love thinking about conservatives faces seeing all this gay shit
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i'm sorry but i don't think we should call this the "autism website" when there's still posts with tons of notes mocking people who:
struggle with social skills / have anxiety around social settings
are unemployed / unable to work certain jobs
have intense or "age-inappropriate" interests
haven't had certain life experiences that are deemed universal/essential
struggle with personal hygiene
don't have any friends or dating experience
don't go outside much or at all
take things literally / don't get sarcasm/jokes
have unusual ways of speaking
generally aren't "normal"
#+ other things i'm probably forgetting rn#i know most of these apply to other disabilities too but i wanted to focus on autism bc of all the 'autism website' stuff#it's genuinely disturbing to see someone go 'lol autism website'#and then in the next breath be like 'omg look at this loser who [literal symptom of autism]'#but i guess when these people talk about autism they don't mean actual autism#but the tiktok style 'just a bit quirky but still able to assimilate into abled hegemony with ease' autism#i'm just tired of the hypocrisy#autism acceptance month is over now it's time for autism wrath month#being disabled on tumblr can be fucking awful sometimes. might take a break for a while bc i just don't have the energy to deal with it#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic
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some thoughts on Claude
alt title: diversity win! this Butch Nun is crafting bombs in an unventilated room in her convent while actively courting Mother Superior! Do Not Give Them Access To Unlimited Power No Matter How Nice They Are
+ bonus
#reminder that Claude is one of the only other housemaidens present in Start Again: A Prologue! Think about this for me <3#isat spoilers#isat fanart#in stars and time#isat#in stars and time fanart#isat claude#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat odile#isat mirabelle#start again: a prologue#lucabyteart#some of these punchlines have been sat around in my files for almost a year at this point LMAOOO.. they were good enough to persist.#anyway yes i know claudes spectacles are small on her sprite but i like doing the dot eye in glasses thing so thats what ur getting !!#also swearing forever yay yay yay. sorry to fake swear lovers but sometimes i need it for the comedy to hit. sorry#... i might post that sasasap kick in the teeth on its own later just because i do like it a lot.#but yeah i have a decent amount of thoughts on claude. mostly informed by that i read both her and & euphrasie as rlly obvious signifiers#that like. mirabelles house is more than a little bit disorganised and way too lax on certain ethical ... concerns....#girls and guys youre in a place that lacks need for even a police force.... why were you workshopping rock traps and pungee pits...?#who signed off on that... are you guys like. you guys seem nice but are you alright. should i be worried#gotta respect the hustle of trying to fuck the head priest of your organisation though. genuinely love that for her#but WHAT a workplace ethics nightmare!! I thought it was bad enough reading it as unrequited. YOURE TELLING ME SHE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO HIT?#INSANE. I DONT WANT TO BE IN THE BUILDING FOR THAT BREAKUP. GET ME ON A PILGRIMAGE *STAT*
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edit (10/23/2024) now that the poll is over: Original version, with 10 questions, from April 2023 here
And, given that the original is from April 2023, that means I can very easily say:
No, this was not an ISAT reference!
Just because I use parentheses and 2nd person pov and love the same concepts of what a time loop can do to a person doesn't mean it's ISAT
(Yes, I like ISAT, the original poll is why I was recommended the game! But if you look at the original, you can see all the origins of the options to choose from, including what spurred me on with the moss option from the replies)
If I were going to make something for ISAT, I would never be so vague, you can simply look at my ao3 for proof of that
#egg speaks#writing#polls#my writing#egg writes#my polls#poetry#time loops#listen I want to run this again#time loop poll#<- check that tag on my blog for the original 10 option version lmao#unreality#you know I didn't think I'd get fed up with people making isat jokes about this#I thought it'd be like oh hey neat same hat#we both like the same game#but people keep going “oh this is JUST an ISAT reference”#as if it's not a genuine work of creativity I did myself. it feels a bit devaluing#“op you played isat” yes but that came after the original!!!!!#I KNOW it's not meant like that but I want people to engage in my work as its own thing. you can make jokes about similar media!!!#but this is it's own thing!!!!#I want people to like it for what it is. I want people to enjoy it outside of other media. I want it to stand on its own#I'm flattered someone said it was good enough that they think it could be narration from the game and read just as well!!!!#but like. idk. all the other medias popping up (pmmm. orv. higurashi. etc) aren't people calling it a /reference/#if I wanted it to be an ISAT reference I would have tagged it originally. I would have targeted it toward ISAT fans more intentionally.#I love fanworks but this was an ode to time loops alone. I wanted people to think. to have to CHOOSE. I wanted PARTICIPATION#time loops as a narrative and as horror and as a group activity via polls on tumblr. also s/o to the person who said 40 hr work week so tru
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Warden Antoine is so funny for being someone who will make a stirring declaration about how the Wardens have an opportunity to reach for a future in which they are dedicated to protecting and restoring and nurturing the life and landscapes lost to the Blight, that it is their duty and it will give them purpose as they reckon with the end of Archdemons, then immediately provide you with like three hundred pounds of explosives he personally developed from scratch so you can blow something up for him
#and this is all driven by the dread whispering he's been hearing that is giving him a headache and making him feel uneasy#I'm obsessed with him. Truly a character. What if a mad scientist was Cassandra was a member of a chivalric order.#How non-traditional of a Warden he is is truly just a gift that keeps giving. Please read Hunger in Tevinter Nights for him and Evka.#Antoine Dragon Age#Antoine Ivo#Antoine and Evka#genuinely weird to use the “and” tag when this is only about him but this seems to be a common tag for either and both of them#Dragon Age: The Veilguard#Dragon Age#DATV things#DATV spoilers#Veilguard spoilers#Dragon Age The Veilguard#datv#Veilguard
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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i just think that eddie gives the weirdest compliments & steve has a huge embarrassing crush on him
eddie: i want to remove your brain and keep it in a jar.... make a soup from all your thoughts...
steve, blushing: oh uh. you do?
eddie: yes but first i'd poke your brain with sticks. see what happens.
#steve's too scared to confess because he's never sure if eddie is joking or being genuinely nice or just being mean#steddie#stranger things#eddie's brain: he's so interesting. he's so much more than i ever realized. i want to know more about him#it's such a privilege to get to know someone like steve#eddie's mouth: soouuuupppp :)
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