#gender reassignment surgery near me

[seriouslycromulent]

The Math Ain't Mathing

So I'm sure people are going to accuse me of being a conspiracy theorist, but the more I think about the results of this US election, the more it's clear that things aren't adding up.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm well aware of the US's long history of racism and misogyny, and it is totally possible -- in theory -- that more people voted for a moronic straight, white male who is an ajudicated grapist and convicted felon over a more-than-qualified, intelligent, results-driven woman of color for a position as leader of the wealthiest nation on earth.

I'm not saying that couldn't happen. But did it? Legitimately?

The more I think about Trump's campaign, the more fishy this result seems.

So here was a man with ...

virtually no policies (that he could talk about openly),

no ground game,

no door knocking apparatus to urge folks to get out the vote,

no phone banking,

he was constantly running out of money and had to shill products to raise more,

stole money from down ballot candidates, putting their marketing strategies at risk,

found liable for SA,

found guilty of millions of dollars in fraud,

constantly rambles and shows clear signs of being mentally unwell,

invokes violent and hateful language against specific communities as well as individuals,

bragged about being a dictator on Day 1,

had over 40 former cabinet members declare him unfit for office,

was called a fascist by his own former chief of staff,

was not endorsed by any reputable economists,

saw a flood of lifelong Republicans -- literally millions of them -- abandon their party to vote for his opponent,

has been impeached twice,

has seen sharply, dwindling crowd sizes at his rallies for the last 6 weeks,

... and somehow he won the popular vote by 5 million?

Even though he never won the popular vote in 2016? Or 2020?

Suddenly he "found" a bunch of votes from people who liked him?

Um, no.

Just no.

One of Trump's biggest failings is that he and his team tell lies like children. That is, they've never learned how to keep things believable. Like a misguided 10-year-old who is desperate to impress someone with his whopper of a tale, he always exaggerates to the point of hyperbole and insults our intelligence.

For example, he told us his rally at Wildwood, NJ, this past summer had 108,000 even though the town itself only has 80,000 residents and the venue he held the rally in only held 20,000 people.

Or how he kept insisting that American kids are going to school and somehow receiving gender reassignment surgery over a couple of days and without parental consent before being sent home.

Each lie is so over the top and grandiose it makes him look infantile while at the same time insults our knowledge of reality.

And that's exactly what this feels like.

There is no way this man won the majority of the votes and the popular vote after only winning due to the electoral college the first time and not at all the second time. More people vilify him now than they did in 2016 and 2020, and that's saying something.

There just aren't enough voters in the US to give him a clear path to victory here no matter how committed his sycophants are to white supremacy. MAGA voters are not the majority of the voting electorate.

Also the fact that the exit polling data is suspiciously similar to the same tall tales Trump's been selling for the past year about how he had a ton of support in the Latino and Black communities, despite there being no data to support it at all. He was polling damn near 0% in some majority black communities like Detroit and Atlanta.

Yeah ... no.

This math ain't mathing.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I know when something isn't adding up. And nothing about these results add up at all.

On top of that, they ran their entire campaign like they didn't care about people getting out to vote. They kept insulting different segments of the electorate over and over again, as if they didn't need the votes of single people or people without children.

Plus, we saw record voter registration leading up to the election. More people voting early in state after state, and millions of people voting for the first time in their lives. But somehow there were fewer votes cast in this 2024 election than in the 2020 election?

Hell, Georgia alone tripled its early voter turnout. So how is this election getting fewer votes than 4 years ago?!

There were historically longer lines than ever before in parts of the country that never saw long lines, and yet there were millions fewer votes counted so far this year? Are we really to believe that all those long lines and so many new voters managed to only add up to 136M versus 158M who voted in 2020?

I call bullshit!

Also, a number of folks are commenting on how quickly the states were called. In all my years of voting, I've never seen a US election turning around so fast.

Yeah, the math ain't mathing.

Sure, he could've eeked out a win via the Electoral College without the popular vote like he did in 2016, but given her momentum and the majority of the polls either favoring her or having had them tied, none of these results pass the smell test.

Meanwhile, Harris had a multigenerational, multiracial, multiethnic, multigendered coalition of enthusiastic supporters who volunteered, phone banked, door knocked, and fundraised in every state plus D.C. Her media strategy was savvy, her interviews were sharp and intelligible, and her demeanor was inclusive and congenial. Again, not putting anything past good ole American racism and misogyny, but all the data showed that her supporters were clearly larger in number and more enthusiastic than his.

Long story short --

I do believe we are witnessing the American government being hijacked and a dictator installed right before our very eyes.

[cheesecakeislazy]

Question for Disventure Camp fans-

Has Aiden gotten bottom surgery? I know they said he got gender reassignment surgery, but I’ve seen a lot of people say he has feminine lower parts… but the one episode of All Stars might disprove that..

I forgot what episode it was- episode 13 maybe? The episode where Aiden sees the kiss between Alec and Riya. Aiden doesn’t like to piss near people, fucking valid. But some people have told me that it’s evidence that Aiden has female parts. Which… okay?

But then we later see him CLEARLY UNZIP HIS PANTS AND PISS STANDING UP. Unless Aiden has perfect piss aim; that is impossible. I personally think Aiden has gotten top and bottom surgery.

Personally though- I don’t think he took testosterone. Just vocal training or his natural voice. I have trans friends who don’t need anything for their vocals, their voice just naturally fit for them. Plus- Aiden doesn’t exactly give that “hairy testosterone ass” vibe. Unless he’s literally shaving 24/7 😅

I dunno- what are your Aiden Transition Headcanons?

[dyedcomrade]

Wesker with trans male reader

based on me, it's very likely your experience or boundaries are different from mine, don't take offense.

in the first place he is either interested by your skills and your workplace performance or their lack of. the two extremes intrigue him, he can't help it.

your appearance comes only second in why he wants to pursue you.

with his god complex he likes that no matter how hard you try you can never equate to his genius. even if you do he just doesn't acknowledge it - after all, one of the main driving force of his uroboros project is his presumed superiority. if you are not the one on the top of the food-chain at your job, that's the most favorable to him. knowing his darling won't even get near his greatness is comforting to him. you won't leave him for someone better, simply because none exists. and surely you need someone to take care of you or at least help.

he doesn't realise people don't have a value ranging from one to ten based on their intelligence, money and power, and how his theoretical hierarchy is nonexistent in everyone else's mind, so you are, in fact, not chained to him forever.

his mind is in dvd screensaver mode most of the time when he is not working, so it is possible he either waved you off when trying ro open up to him about yourself or didn't get any of it.

he will go with any of your fashion choices though. as long as it's proper for the occasion and high-quality clothing, he won't have any negative comments about it. he thinks you are hot in everything and even if he could have had a better outfir in mind for you, he shrugs it off thinking it's a new trend he didn't have time to catch up on.

he would be over the moon if you dressed exactly like him. his little human looks so much up to him that he wants to copy him the best his ability? how cute. he may even want to introduce your body to uroboros. - of course if he deems it safe for you.

if you ask him to recommend you a doctor for hrt or gender reassignment surgery he will be caught off guard. like for what? and you have to explain it to him all over again.

he understands of course. feeling alien from the person your environment taught or at least wanted you to be. but also a forever outcast in society. people just won't take their time and understand. and what they don't, feels strange to them. but don't worry, he will be with you on this road. will ask you if you would like to join him on his throne when his plan is done. of course you can choose to stay the way you are. he will mention, though, the benefits of his creation on healing and regeneration if you choose to have surgeries.

if you can't or don't want to for some reason, he still will see you as a man. he will be more fussy about your safety - for example he will remind you a couple of times to take your binder off and just breathe throughout the day. he also makes sure that you feel as comfortable as you can with him without the binder as well.

he will make your transition smooth and fast. no footlong waiting lists and irresponsible, careless or transphobic doctors. in case, he w i l l ruin the ones who mistreat you. and some others who abuse their power just for the fun of it. they've got the opportunity and smarts to make it through med school and use it for making other's lives miserabble? well then, he just has to dig up some controversy from their past, sue them over it, aaand consider it done.

he immediately switches to your preferred name and feels kind od horrible for seeming untrustworthy for a time, thus forcing you to go by your deadname around him.

he will proudly refer to you as his boyfriend and if you are okay with it he will be open about the fact that you're trans.

any transphonic comment will at least get the person thrown through the room by uroboros. they must have not been the sharpest tool anyway, so not much of a loss if they get hurt or die by it.

from the start of the relationship he would prefer if you just moved in. not because he has ulterior motives, but it's just more convenient and he hasn't got time to commute. he will provide you with a separate room if you don't yet want to sleep with him.

if you for some reason can't go yet, he will be extra attentive when you two meet up. he makes sure you know that he enjoys getting flooded by text messages or pictures from you any time of the day. he is kind of dependent on you so he usually wants to facetalk into the night. that's how you both fall asleep on these occasions.

he is very patient with every step of the relationship. before you come out to him and after especially. he asks before he does something new it it's okay, whether you want to try it or not.

if marriage is important for you he will spare no expenses to arrange one for the two of you. just reminds you he really has noone to invite from his side. (maybe in another universe his s.t.a.r.s. team with chris being his best man. he is not, but funny enough for the role.) although if you want only a small one, even just the two of you with or without a priest/pastor he will be delighted. after all he doesn't have to waste his time on people who he barely even knows. and who may even barely even know you.

he makes sure you don't accidentally consume extra oestrogen with your food and plans meals for you - if you allow him to. his love language is more like gifts and physical touch but you make him want to try new ways to love: making time for you and helping out however he can.

he believes you are the only person worth leaving untouched uroboros. preserving something from the old world, something only you could have. by remaining human, the fragility he was never allowed to posess and the strength to still have it despite the world being disgusting towards you, the courage, which should really be called recklessness, to still be by the side of most powerful being

[canichangemyblogname]

What it’s like trying to find services for gender diversity when you have the privilege of insurance:

-search for care in your provider & care portal -“gender dysphoria” -No results -“dysphoria” -no results -“gender—” -suggested search: “gender reassignment surgery” -Me: “not exactly, but it’s a start…” -no results -portal: “visit our Transgender and Gender Diverse Support Center?” -Me: “Dope. Okay.” -Support center portal: “visit the provider and care portal to search for a provider.” -Me: “I was just there?” *clicks anyway* -Portal: “Gay counseling near you.” -Me: “Well, that’s not…” -the providers on the list: Rebeka specializes in women’s issues, stress management, work-life counseling, grief counseling, abuse counseling, and PTSD counseling -portal: *logs me out* -Me: “Oh my god, they want me to suffer…” -*logs back in just to find that the nearest available mental health provider is an hour away*

[failurefemmegf]

I'm very sorry for all you went through. i remember being your age in uni and suicidal. I went to uni for biology and was nowhere near the rest of my family who all lived across the country (in the USA). I would encourage you to look into intersectional feminism and engage with LGBT+ centers on your area if they are available. Even if you find donye radfems who don't hate trans people, many still believe in bioessentialism.

Bioessentialism doesn't help anyone. It puts people in stricter boxes that they cannot escape from. Never mind that it ignores much of actual biology. Such as sex being incredibly complicated and bimodal rather than binary. Many radfems (especially those that are vocal about their transphobia) will often ignore that information. Along with the history of intersex children/babies having surgeries done to them so that they conform to being strictly male or female and/or sterilized.

I am glad you discovered so much more about yourself and were able to take time to reflect and see that you are not trans/transition wasn't right for you. But please don't let your own feelings take you down a path that will lead to hate or trying to control someone else's autonomy.

Best wishes. May you always have what you need and friends by your side.

i really appreciate your concern in reaching out to me. i will say i have engaged with intersectional feminism since my younger teen years, and i am looking for lgbt+ resource centers near me, but it's extremely difficult because i live in a rural area. so it has been something i've been considering.

i understand your concerns about radical feminism and bioessentialism, but i experienced a lot of bioessentialism in the trans community as well. when i was active in the trans community, there was especially a push that if you identified even slightly out of a box, you were supposed to make or join a new one. my experience with gender can be best summed up by this comic by @peerjongeling on instagram.

i don't want to have to label myself, and even if i choose not to have a label, i'll still get labels shoved on me anyways, such as "nonbinary" and "agender". i don't want another box, i want the boxes gone.

so if i don't want a gender label, what am i if not female? it doesn't matter whether i id as nonbinary, agender, a trans man, i'm still oppressed by misogyny because i was born with a uterus. i'm female because i was born female, and no amount of changing my appearance or self-identity will change that.

not to mention there are hundreds of gnc women around the world who are still female. i don't think "discomfort with being female" should be grounds for an entire new identity. i've never met a woman who was perfectly happy being a woman and that does not make all those women nonbinary. like i said before it's just more boxes and does nothing to fix the actual problem with sex and gender in society.

"female" doesn't mean anything to me other than "this person was born with a vagina and a uterus." likewise, "male" doesn't mean anything but "this person was born with a penis." female and male say nothing about personality, interests, expression, etc., and i am all for the spectrum of human expression. this is an unpopular opinion among radfems, but for me this even extends to pronouns and gendered language.

as for intersex folk, i'll concede that i don't have enough information to form an opinion, but i am firmly, firmly against any sort of sex reassignment surgery done to intersex children and infants.

however, once someone becomes an adult, i'm not going to advocate against transition, because hey, not my body, not going to try to control strangers. but if someone asked my genuine opinion on whether or not they should pursue medical transition, i am going to say "there's nothing you can do with a transitioned body that you can't do with your current one."

i guess that sums up where i'm at right now. i hope this didn't come across as harsh, because i genuinely feel your compassion nonny and i'm grateful for your concern.

best wishes to you, and i hope you find your joy in whatever form it may take

[beautifulyou1]

The lovely Je'Niya has written an outstanding review about her experience with Beautiful You Holidays.

"I am Je'Niya Helm - Male to Female pre-op Transgender. I am 22 years old. After much debate I embarked on a journey to Phuket, Thailand for Cosmetic Surgery. I was very uncertain about traveling outside the United States for Cosmetic Surgery. But battling with a steep cost of Cosmetic Surgery in the United States and never having the ability to travel outside the Country - It was an easy "Yes" for me. Upon arriving in Phuket, Thailand - I was escorted by my personal driver to our hotel. While traveling on my way to the Phuket Novotel Resort, I was given a quick tour of the island near the hotel.

I was pleasantly surprised by the diversity, culture and quality of life the Thai natives enjoy. It was a very beautiful city. Some of the most beautiful beaches I ever seen! 4 - 5 days of exploring, indulging in delicious Thai food, spending some time on the beach - I was getting close to my consultation with Dr. Sanguan - Which I forgot to mention is one of Thailand Top Cosmetic Surgeon for Transgender Patients. Dr. Sanguan is known for his wonderful post-op results in various procedures. He has performed over a thousand Gender Reassignment Surgeries, and thousands more Breast Augmentations amongst a lot other procedures for the transgender community.

Know More

[dnalkaline]

Update Dec 22:

I'm physically fine now.

My window randomly cracked tho and idk how much money that will be to replace. So. the whole "make an offer" thing is still going on until... Idk.

(Explanation of medical stuff under the cut for those curious)

I was supposed to have a total hysterectomy for health reasons. I'm at a high risk of stuff like cancer, uterine atrophy, and uterine prolapse due to both family medical history and hormones. My doctor then tried to file it with insurance, since it's likely I also have endometriosis, and my insurance SUPPOSEDLY is supposed to cover hysterectomies for endo. For like half my life I have had intense pain that has slowly been spreading across my body.

My insurance denied the surgery, because they saw I was transgender on my file, assumed that this was for transgender affirming care, and then said that I don't meet the criteria for this and need to go through different hoops to get it approved. (This is also incorrect- I do actually meet the insurance's criteria for getting gender reassignment surgery, I just don't have a doctor near where I live who offers such services and takes my insurance.)

My surgeon tried explaining to them that it wasn't for trans care in a peer-to-peer review, he just knows that I am also trans because he is respectful and wants to use my preferred name and pronouns. The insurance's doctor in the peer-to-peer review Also appeared to just fucking black out at the word "transgender" and repeated the same denial reason we were originally sent. I tried submitting a personal appeal AND filing a grievance over this, but the appeal could take 30 days and the grievance is also on hold because they said they can't do anything until the other appeal has a decision. (I smell a potential discrimination lawsuit coming up, but rn I do not have the spoons to find a lawyer)

My insurance did, however, approve surgery for endometriosis removal. So they looked in there to scrape out what they could find.

My endo had broken off (apparently it can do that and spread around. I didn't even know that until after surgery when I got the notes) and was growing around other organs. Like. It was taking up my entire pelvic region and even spreading up my back. (Some of my friends might know that in early Nov I had such intense pain I had to go to urgent care because I thought I broke my back. It was the endometriosis partially causing it.)

It's entirely likely it's also spread to my chest area, since I have a lot of chest pains around my heart and lungs that ultrasounds and other scans/tests haven't been able to pick up a cause for (and endometriosis growths don't come up on those sorts of things most of the time IIRC). I'm going to follow up with someone to see about what to do about that, but I'm tired. The way this was explained to me was basically "the closest thing you can get to cancer without literally having 'cancer'".

The good news: I'm in a lot less pain now that they removed what they did find. I managed to sleep on my side without my back feeling like it's going to snap in half for the first time in over a year. Maybe in a few months I'll be physically fit to be able to get a "real" job from an employer but I'll likely still be undergoing a lot of tests and maintenance in the meantime because of the nature of my case.

I don't know what else to say other than I wish medicaid was better and I didn't live below the poverty line.

I have a major surgery coming up and the date got bumped up to Dec 15th. (I'm likely going to be fine they just have to remove some stuff and I'm not gonna be able to work for a few weeks.)

I don't have the energy to list these all on etsy right now so they're all Pay What You Want + Shipping (Usually like 5$ if you live in the USA) until Dec 13th.

Payment info:

Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/hshinai

Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/dnacademic

Cashapp: $hshinai

Venmo: @ hauntedshinai

If you want me to make a custom etsy listing for you to buy them I can also do that: https://www.etsy.com/shop/Alchemodel

If you don't want to buy anything and can't donate then reblogs help. If you want better photos of an object then feel free to message me. Most of these are meant to be like protection/lucky talismans and if you want deets you can ask me.

Info about the materials under the cut. I'll cross them out or something when they're sold:

CORD/CHAIN INFO

Black string with lobster clasp, semi adjustable ~22" long.

Black leather with lobster clasp, semi adjustable ~18" long

Stainless steel chains in 18", 20", and 24"

If you need another lengths, I have some copper-toned chain that can be cut to any length. If you want the custom sized chain, I also have copper-colored lobster clasps that are larger than the average size if you have a hard time using the regular ones.

MATERIALS

All pendants are wrapped with copper wire. The ones that have silver-toned or gold-toned wire are wrapped with plated copper.

Moons: (about 4-5cm long. warning these can be on the heavier side for amulets)

M1 - Dyed sapphire cabochon along with beads of tiger eye, cat's eye, agate, shell, moonstone, and an aura quartz point

M2 - Dyed emerald cab, tiger eye, fluorite, agate, quartzite, aura quartz point

M3 -Tiger eye, glass, plastic, aura quartz

Ammonites: (about 5 cm long)

A1 - Ammonite fossil, tiger eye

A2 - Ammonite fossil, tiger eye, cat's eye, sunstone

Ruby:

B1 - (8 cm) Dyed ruby, cat's eye, faux coral, carved garnet

B2 - (5 cm) Dyed ruby

C:

1 - (9.5 cm) Coyote teeth, glass, onyx, blue lace agate

2 - (9.5 cm) Coyote teeth, malachite, onyx

3 - (9.5 cm) Coyote teeth, labradorite, onyx

4 - (10 cm) Coyote teeth, glass, carved and dyed emerald

5 - (7 cm) Bismuth, carved/dyed emerald

6 - (8 cm) Carved/dyed emerald, dyed sapphire, agate

D:

1 - (6.5 cm) Rutilated quartz, strawberry quartz, fluorite

2 - (8.5 cm) Dyed emerald, rutilated quartz, fluorite

3 - (5 cm) Dyed/carved emerald, glass

4 - (8 cm) Rutilated quartz, tiger's eye, fluorite

5 - (9 cm) Glass, citrine, aura quartz

E: (all about 10 cm long)

1 - (I have 3 of these) These are all stones except for the plastic rainbow heart but I don't remember what stones. Also a dyed quartz point.

2 - Glass, agate, aquamarine, aura quartz

3 - Glass, quartz, shell

4 - Glass, aura quartz

5 - Glass, onyx, coral

6 - Glass, onyx, aura quartz

7 - Glass, citrine, aura quartz

F:

1 - (12 cm) Glass, dichroic glass, agate, aura quartz

2 - (8 cm) Dichroic glass, fluorite, onyx, tiger eye

3 - (8 cm) Dichroic glass, sea sediment jasper, tiger eye

4 - (9.5 cm) Dichroic glass, tiger eye, aura quartz

Beaded Necklaces:

G1 - (~24") Coyote teeth, coral, glass, faux coral, onyx

G2 - (~18-19") Mixed metal, resin, wood, jade, glass, ceramic

G3 - (~21") Enamel / mixed metals, agate, aquamarine, glass, sodalite, reconstituted shell

G4 - (~18-19") Agate, ceramic, lava rock, glass, howlite

[lifeaestheticsindore]

Gynecomastia Surgery in Indore, Gynecomastia Doctor in Indore - Dr Ashwini Dash

Dr Ashwini Dash is one of the best gynecomastia doctor in Indore.  He provides all types of cosmetic surgeries like rhinoplasty, otoplasty, lip correction and beautification, buttock enhancement, chin correction, neck lift/ correction, breast surgical procedures, thin lift, abdomen and torso correction, whole body & mega liposuction, facelift and facial.  For more information visit: https://www.dradash.com/gynecomastia-surgery-in-indore/

[365days365movies]

February 18, 2021: The Danish Girl (Review)

Before I go into ANYTHING else...let’s talk about the actual Danish Girl, Lili Elbe, or Lili Ilse Elvenes.

Oh, uh, full warning, this is gonna be LONG, so skip to the bottom if you’re just here for the Review! OK, history time!

Now, what the film The Danish Girl notes about the beginning of the transition is pretty spot-on, from what I can tell. After marrying portrait painter Gerda Gottlieb in 1904, the two lived in Italy and France before moving to Paris in 1912. Yeah, that’s over 14 years before they’re shown doing so in the movie. Inaccuracy #1. In 1908 (here comes number 2), Elbe (Einar at the time) painted this portrait of trees along a fjord in Denmark.

Yeah, NOT in 1926, as the film says. But, yeah, that’s a nitpick, I recognize that. Anyway, the revelation came when model Anna Larssen (not “Ulla”, which is Inaccuracy #3) was late, and Gerda asked Elbe to fill in. When Larssen eventually showed up, she suggested the name “Lili”. Basically, this scene from the movie was pretty goddamn accurate.

Except for the dates, anyway. Because while the movie mostly takes place around 1926 and afterwards, this probably happened closer to 1920, in Paris. So, yeah, Lili spent a LOT more time as Lili in real life. Additionally, Lili was pretty goddamn public about the whole thing, inviting guests and hosting parties as herself, rather than as Einar. At the same time, Gerda was getting pretty goddamn famous for her paintings of Lili, like this one.

Which, yeah, are really good! Also, they were considered lesbian erotica by many! YEAH! And here’s a fun fact: Gerda may not have been straight-up straight. Yeah, the film and the book (we’ll get there) kind of ignored the fact that their marriage was annulled by the Danish government, not by the two of them. Inaccuracy #4. Now, obviously, their relationship ended, and Lili ended up getting together with a man (we’ll get there, too), but there are a LOT of unanswered questions about Gerda’s sexuality, and views of sexuality (which is barely hinted at in the “male gaze” speech in the beginning).

After the annulment, the two just...drifted apart. Their relationship dissolved, and the details on that are fuzzy. By 1930, Lili was headed on a completely different path. She wasn’t a painter like Einar (and it turns out that she thought of them as two entirely separate people, like two souls living in the same body, which the movie got mostly right), and she was mostly unsatisfied with her career, life, and other things. And that is where Drs. Erwin Gohrbandt and Magnus Hirschfeld come in, NOT Kurt Warnerkros...yet. He’d come in for the other five (YES FIVE) surgeries, but wouldn’t be involved with the first. Inaccuracy #5, and also #6, while we’re at it! See, the film would make you think that Lili was the first complete gender reassignment surgery, but she was actually the second. The first would be Dora Richter, in a procedure that was performed by Dr. Hirschfeld from 1922 - 1931. YEAH. BIG-ASS INACCURACY THERE. Here’s Dora, by the way:

Anyway, Lili had her first procedure, to remove the testicles, performed in 1930. In the same year, the divorce between Lili and Gerda was finalized, and Lili legally changed her name. Two more procedures were performed, the first to implant an ovary, and the second to remove the penis and scrotum. Inaccuracy #7, by the way. And, hey, let’s go for number 8! Let’s talk about Henrik, a dude who didn’t exist. He and Hans were both very loosely based on an art dealer named Claude Lejeune.

Claude was an art dealer (there’s the Hans part), and was indeed in love with Lili. They got together around early 1931, and he’d actually been in love with her for a good, long time. He proposed to marry Lili, and she accepted, also hoping that the two would be able to have children together. But to do that, it was believed that Lili would need a uterus. And, obviously, having children would be MILES more complicated than that in basically EVERY way, but this was early in medical science’s understanding of some of that biology.

In any case, however, Lili would need both a uterus and a vagina to feel whole. And so, the fourth surgery was scheduled. And she had that surgery in 1931, a couple of weeks after Dora Richter successfully had the same surgery performed. But, sadly, Lili wouldn’t be so lucky.

Lili’s body rejected the uterus, and while transplant rejections of any kind wouldn’t necessarily be fatal now, they definitely were back then. They attempted to remove it, but that subsequent 5th surgery caused infection, which caused a fatal heart attack three months later. Lili Elbe died on September 13, 1931, at the age of FORTY-EIGHT. Yeah, Inaccuracy #9.

By the way, you may be wondering: what about Dora Richter, the first successful person to get these surgeries? Well, she disappeared...in Germany...as the Nazis were coming into power...yeah. Fuckin’ YIKES.

And so, that’s the true story of Lili Elbe. And there are far more differences than that, I’m sure, but those 9 inaccuracies aren’t insignificant, that’s for sure. Although, it probably doesn’t help that the movie was based on a fictionalized book.

Oh, uh...did I not mention that? Yeah, this movie is based on The Danish Girl, by David Ebershoff, which means that this film is essentially a cinematic game of telephone. Which, uh...not great. Granted, Ebershoof made some other...interesting changes, which the film didn’t inherit. In the book, for example, Gerda is named Greta, and is American? Um...why? I dunno, it’s kind of weird. Oh, and that’s not including one more issue with the movie. But, you’ve waited long enough, huh? Recap of the film is here and here if you wanna check that out! Let’s get to the Review already!

Review

Cast and Acting: 8/10

I am...conflicted. So let me start here by saying that the acting in the film in and of itself is fantastic, all-around. Not a weak actor in here, that’s for sure. Let’s start with the side-roles, for once. Ben Whishaw, Matthias Schoenaerts, and Amber Heard are all good. Heard’s accent is a little shaky, but they’re still all solid performances. OK, how about Alicia Vikander? She’s great! And she won the Oscar for...Best Supporting Actress. Um...wait...Supporting? But not Best Actress? Uh...OK. That’s a little weird, let’s be honest here. But, Alicia Vikander did deserve that win over...oooooooh, Rooney Mara in Carol? Maybe not...damn.

And OK...let’s get into the elephant in the room, huh?

Eddie Redmayne is fantastic as Einar Wegener/Lili Eber, and I genuinely think he had a great shot to win Best Actor...but, yeah, Leonardo DiCaprio definitely deserved it, I think that goes without saying. Hell, that year had a SOLID line-up for best actor. And Redmayne had even won it the year before for The THeory of Everything, another biography where he played Stephen Hawking. But ALL of that said...HNNNNNNNNNG, there should have been a transgender actor cast in this role, ideally. Now, I’m fully aware how difficult that would be, as Hollywood isn’t extraordinarily diverse in terms of including trans actors in massive mainstream projects. It’s better now, but it’s nowhere near ideal. But if anybody knows an actor who would’ve fit this role and performed it well, I’m DEFINITELY interested. So, despite that controversy, Redmayne was pretty goddamn great in this role. But, uh...that doesn’t mean everything is perfect...

Plot and Writing: 5/10

OK, that seems low, I know. But it’s pretty goddamn damning that this movie was based off of a heavily fictionalized book instead of the actual life story of Lili Eber and Gerda Gottlieb. And because of that, there are not only some missed opportunities, but some straight-up damning inaccuracies. That’s a set of pretty poor decisions, I tell you what. Not sure why Lucinda Coxon came to that decision when adapting this screenplay, but it wasn’t exactly nominated for Best Screenplay. And the writing certainly isn’t bad, but it is...overly saccharine sometimes, especially for a film based (loosely) on a true story. I dunno...just not the best set of choices here, sorry to say.

Directing and Cinematography: 8/10

Tom Hooper shouldn’t direct musicals. However, since this wasn’t a musical, directing and cinematography here is pretty damn good! Real talk, this is a gorgeous looking movie, and the way shots are framed are fantastic. Perfect? Weeeeeeeell...given the fact that painting is a main focus of the film, for both Gerda and Einar, there should’ve been more painter-quality shots in here, I think. And while the cinematography by Danny Cohen is pretty fantastic, I can’t say that it’s perfect. Still, in terms of lighting and general skill, it’s still quite a good looking movie.

Production and Art Design: 10/10

But the deficiencies in the direction are EASILY compensated for by the production design! Like, hot DAMN, this is a good looking movie, like I said! That goes from the construction of the sets, to the gorgeous outfits all over the place, especially Lili’s outfits. Some iconic pieces of wardrobe there, that’s for sure! But if I have ONE complaint...this movie never once felt like the 1920s. Yup, good old anachronistic complaints from me again! Yeah, I’ll change the record one of these days, I promise. But even with that, it’s hard to ignore just how good this movie looks, to be honest. It’s just...gorgeous.

Music and Editing: 8/10

As I type this, I’m listening to a track of the film on YouTube, and it is a beautifully delicate tune. I’m not sure that I’d be able to associate it with the film if presented to me on its own, but it’s definitely a nice track to listen to by itself. Playlist worthy? For somebody, almost certainly, but not for me. One of these days, a film like that’s gonna pop up, I swear. But for now, Alexandre Desplat and his score are gonna stay off my iPhone. This really is a nice score, though, I promise. Editing by Melanie Ann Oliver is pretty good as well, and I’ve no complaints about it, to be honest. Overall, this side of things was quite nice, if not the most notable thing I’ve ever seen or heard.

I might have been a little harsh, but it’s still got an 78%.

This is a good movie, but...I dunno, the inaccuracies do bug me. Hell, there are WAY more than what I’d mentioned, and I mentioned a lot. Not to mention the other glaring issue: no trans people at any stage of the production? Really? No script consultants, no writers, no NTOHING? That’s...egregiously bad. Like, holy shit, guys. And, yes, this includes Redmayne, because even though he performed admirably in the role...I dunno. I’m no expert on ANY of this, as a cissexual dude with cissexual experience, but it feels a little...reductive, is all. Like I said, if any other actors have been suggested for this role, I’d love to know. The whole thing feels...I don’t know, just not great. 

And by the way, that’s without even TOUCHING the question as to whether or not this film is authentic to the trans experience. Again, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA, but I’ve also heard that this film isn’t universally acclaimed in the trans community, so to speak. And I’m definitely interested in the reasons for that. All I know is this: from the perspective of a complete outsider, I was intrigued by this films view of the transgender experience, specifically as seen in the earliest days of those realizations happening and being publicly known and reported on. And that’s all I can really comment on, in truth.

WHOOF. That was a goddamn topic, huh? And now, I’m going to continue on the the month of romance with...wait, the 19th is my 5-year anniversary with my GF, pictured here:

Ravishing. Anyway, I think I’ll let her pick from my choices for this next one. Hold on a sec...OK, then. Sing it with me now! AND DO I DREEEEEAM AGAAAAIN, FOR NOW I FIIIIIIIIIIIIIND...

February 19, 2021: The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

[the-mira-life-project-mtf]

A Review Of My GRS (SRS) Consultation At OHSU.

So, it’s been almost five months since my consultation at Oregon Health & Sciences University (OHSU) regarding Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS)/Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS).

The appointment was on Wed 26th of January (2022) with Dr. Geolani Dy (MD).

I’ve been postponing writing about my experience as it was rather a traumatic experience that has taken many months to get over.

I wish to first state the Dr. Dy was very professional in her approach to my care. She explained everything so throughly and listened to my expectations I had for myself.

I only wish that if we have surgery, that she is my appointed physician as she was the only one I met.

So, let’s talk about the OHSU/Transgender Services regarding ‘bottom surgery’!

THE CLINIC—

OHSU is a large campus — I’ve never been to the clinic prior to my visit; and luckily the clinic was located in Downtown Portland’s Waterfront district that also has the Roods Family Pavilion. The parking was easy to access and secured.

The main hospital is located about a mile away, on the hill, just west of the clinic.

Be certain that you are aware that you are visiting the Clinic and avoid the main hospital.

FOR out of staters — I live up north, near Tacoma…so the drive is about 3.5 hours coming and going. The appointment was about 45 minutes.

I’ve driven in Seattle before and believe the Portland can be overwhelming to some.

I elected to stay in the community overnight, for two days to calm my nerves. If you are driving alone, this might be a good idea; as I was very jumpy and emotionally compromised after my appointment that I accidentally went the wrong way down a one-way street. Luckily the people help guided me out of the area with very rude words.

I stayed at the Park Lane Suites & Inn which was a very nice and reasonable place to stay. A bonus was that it was near the Japanese Gardens.

I spoke to Dr. Dy about lodging during and after surgery; as it is too far for my family to drive back-and-forward.

She stated that the hospital had a 30 mile radius that was considered local; all others are available to stay at the Rood Family Pavilion for the duration of the surgery.

I talked about being discharged and going home; only to return a week later.

She sympathized, offering to put myself and my family in the RFP for almost 3 weeks (20 days) after discharge.

This would allow me to have immediate access to her clinic if there are any situations or trouble. I was in full agreement and loved this plan as I didn’t know what I was going to do if I had an emergency.

For those wishing to add RFP to your stay, be aware that they have limited rooms for children and adults and this could affect your surgery date.

THE STAFF —

My arrival to the clinic was met with both friendly and unfriendly staff. This can be very stressful when you are anxious.

The receptionists at the front were very brash and I waited for them to talk talking to one another for almost ten minutes.

I should have said something, but I was so scared that I just wanted to disappear.

Once back; I found the CNA to be very sweet and friendly. She helped to ease my tension.

And Dr. Dy was amazing! She was very patient with me and didn’t try to push me into having something which I didn’t want.

When it came to physical exam; I was so terrified that I was moved to crying. She was very understanding and offered to skip that part of the exam; but after a moment, I allowed (for precaution reasons).

THE EXAM —

There will be an exam at your appointment that will require inspection and physical touching of the genitalia. For someone with terrible dysphoria, this part of the test is very painful to endure…but here is why you should do it:

First off, you can ask for no examination of the genitalia. This is your right as a patient!

Dr. Dy was very polite and offered not to do the exam if I wasn’t ready. But mentioned the importance to scheduling for an appointment all pended on a physical examination.

Basically, she is looking for lumps or growths that might signify cancer or tumors. If these are present at your scheduling; your appointment could be postponed for diagnostic care to rule out cancer.

Even though it is a terrible experience; it is best to get comfortable with having people looking and touching down there—as it will happen a lot after surgery.

THE EXPECTATIONS—

As the patient, you have the right to have vaginoplasty or vulvoplasty.

Understand that certain requirements will influence your decision (from weight, prior surgeries, health, smoking & drug use, and especially hair removal).

Since I am not sexually attracted to men; and have no desire for penetrative sex, I elected to have a vulvoplasty with 1” depth neo-vaginal canal.

This is a new concept being offered to new transgender patients, by some doctors. I asked Dr. Dy if she could perform a vulvoplasty with a max 1” depth vagina and she said it was possible. Most depth is around 1” with the skin of the shaft…the skin from the testicles are added to create the maximum depth in vaginoplasty.

This isn’t a guarantee; but a plan.

After surgery; the expectations are lesser with a vulvoplasty (as compared to a vaginoplasty) as there is no (or very little) dilation.

I will be expected to come to all appointments for up to a year; and maintain a weight and non-smoking regimen for my life. These are all doable as I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs.

[miss-lee-lee-fan]

Hi! My name is Zaya and I am a 19 year old transgender woman of color. I have been transitioning for about a year and a half now & I am nearing the end of my journey. For the past 5 months, I have been preparing myself to undergo gender reassignment surgery along with a breast augmentation. I need both of these surgeries to defeat my gender dysphoria & finally be able to feel comfortable in the body I’m in. When I first reached out to a surgeon to undergo these operations, I contacted my insurance company to see if they will cover any part of these surgeries. While on the phone with insurance, the representative assured me that a transgender health package was included in my insurance plan & that 80-100% of my surgery costs would be covered. I wrote this information down & sent it to my surgeon’s office where they confirmed that my surgeries will be covered. Flash forward a few months & my surgeries had finally been fully approved by my insurance company. I was given a quote & a surgery date. Originally, I was told I would only have to pay about $3,000 out of pocket for both surgeries after insurance. We chose February 1st as the day that I would finally become my full self. I was so happy knowing that I was finally going to be free of all the dysphoria that I experience with my body & it wouldn’t be a financial burden. However, a bomb was dropped. After my surgery was already scheduled & planned, the surgeon’s office called me to say that there had been a “mistake” regarding my insurance. Apparently, whoever was representing my insurance policy was looking at the “wrong plan” & they “never noticed” that my policy doesn’t actually include the transgender health plan. So after months of phone calls, emails, scheduling, and being told multiple times that insurance will cover my surgeries, it turns out it was all a lie. I finally had a surgery date, and then suddenly I was told my insurance will cover 0% of my surgeries. So for months my insurance had been looking at the WRONG policy, falsely leading me to believe my surgeries would be covered. I called them trying to argue against this, but they told me that there’s “nothing they can do” The only way I can get these surgeries now is if I pay for them entirely myself. I am a financially stable person, but I planned my surgery costs thinking that insurance would cover a majority of it (since that’s what I’d been told from the get go) I did not account for the fact that I could be paying for the full surgery on my own because I was told multiple times that I won’t have to. This whole thing has put a huge road block in front of my journey, and I’m feeling defeated. My situation could be worse, but I can’t keep living in the body I was born in for much longer, my mental health is deteriorating day by day due to my dysphoria. Any donation amount helps. I appreciate any and everything, thank you. 

[aquaticalay]

Centurion .Chapter Two.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Sequel to For Something Greater

Summary: (Y/n) is an active duty Navy SEAL Commander, the first and only woman to ever become a SEAL. After successfully stopping a genocide with the help of the Avengers, she becomes a bridge between the military and the earth's mightiest heroes. But even as her relationship with Bucky grows, she decides not to tell him about the nightmares and trauma that haunt her. Both their secrets begin to unravel when Bucky accidentally stumbles upon a piece of dangerous information about (Y/n) that she doesn't know about herself— something she must never find out about.

Genre: Action, Drama, Romance

Warning/s for the series: cursing, violence, death, eventual smut, PTSD.

Warning/s for the chapter: mentions of anxiety symptoms and death.

Word count: 2.4k

Note: The plot is heavily inspired by the song 'in the dark' by Bring Me The Horizon, and 'Mercy' by Muse. So yeah, go listen to it if you want to :)))  I'll post a new chapter every two days.

THIS IS A SEQUEL TO FOR SOMETHING GREATER,' SO IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THAT, THE LINK TO THE MASTERLIST IS IN MY BIO.

Let me know if you want to be in the taglist!

(Taglist will be reblogged)

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS SERIES REVOLVES AROUND POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. (Including, but not limited to: anxiety/panic attacks, extreme mood swings , nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, irritability, hypervigilance, and hyperarousal)

Gif is from 'in the dark' mv by Bring Me The Horizon

You arrived in SEAL team 6 Headquarters in Seattle an hour early. You decided to use your precious time to change into a set of military issued clothes: A green shirt and cargo pants. Very practical.

You entered the briefing room fifteen minutes early. Everyone else was already seated around the mahogany table; Diego Miller, Logan McCoy, Collin Harris, and Nolan Woods. 

They greeted you with a salute, standing up from their seats. You returned the gesture, a habit you've picked up after a million times of doing it. “At ease,” you said assertively, and they sat back down. You heard a clank hit the ground. Suddenly, you tensed. You had to remind yourself it was just Miller's prosthetic leg to calm yourself down. To remind yourself that this room is secure, that there is no threat here.

 You took your usual seat, between Harris and McCoy. 

“How’s Mia?” you ask Harris. 

Mia was his feisty five-year old daughter. When he adopted her, heappointed you her godmother.

Mia was sweet and strong, learning and following her father’s example quickly. She also got quite attached to you fairly fast. The last time you met her was a month ago, right before your peacekeeping mission. You went to their place to give Harris a ride to SEAL team 6 headquarters. Before you knew it, she was running into your arms excitedly, “Auntie (Y/n)!” She exclaimed, scrambling up for you to carry her. “Hello, Mia,” you greeted, pushing her curly black hair to you could see her adorable face clearly. She had a button nose, one of her most striking features. Her skin was dark, the color of a pine cone, and her eyes were almost pitch black. You were sure she will grow up to be a strong and beautiful young woman. “Where’s Uncle Bucky?” She tilted her head.

Mia was infatuated with Bucky. At first, He didn’t know what to make of the child. He didn’t have experience with kids, and he was scared of hurting her. It wasn’t long before he eased into interactions with Mia, letting her stick fridge magnets on his metal arm, spelling out random words on it like 'cake' or 'kandy.'

“She’s asking for you,” Harris answered with a grin, “she misses her Aunt (Y/n) and Uncle Bucky.”

You chuckle at the thought of her looking for you, and Harris making some silly, probably magical, excuse to avoid disappointing her. 

“How’s Barnes? And the rest of the Avengers?”

You shrugged. “Bucky is fine,” you said shortly, “And Sam and Wanda are doing fine, too. Didn’t meet anyone else, though.”

When Harris met you, he was a wide-eyed 17-year old boy aspiring to be the best sailor he can possibly be. He has known you long enough to read emotions through your voice. He could tell you wanted more time to rest, to spend time with the person you love. You needed a break, both mentally and physically. It was so obvious  a blund man could see.

“This mission won’t be long,” he reassured, somewhat trying to comfort you in ways that he can. You nodded, hoping that he is right.

Before you knew it, a Special Operations Command Officer walked in the room to brief you for the mission. You recognize her almost immediately. Her quirky smile was unmistakable.

Naomi Tanaka. She was an old friend who trained alongside you in Navy bootcamp, one of the only people who believed you could become a SEAL. One of the only people who had faith. One of the reasons you took the risk. It paid off, didn't it?

You hadn’t seen her for a long time, since she just finished recovering from her gender reassignment surgery. 

You gave her a knowing nod, a greeting. She acknowledged it with a smile, mouth drawn from ear to ear; it was sincere.

The briefing went well. Tanaka explained the mission pretty clearly. She told you that there was an abandoned Hydra genetics lab in an old Soviett Union military base in Ukraine, and your job was to bring back intel and information, as well as making sure it was really abandoned. 

“Wheels up in an hour,” Tanaka ordered. 

When she dismissed the team, your squadron scrambled out into the locker room to prepare themselves. One hour wasn’t a lot of time, but it has to be enough.

You trailed slower behind to talk to Tanaka. You wanted to exchange a few words with your old friend.

You hugged her enthusiastically. “How are you?” You asked.

She let a joyous smile take over her expression. “Never felt better. It’s good to be back.” Sighing, she squeezed your arm, “We really need to catch up some time.”

You agreed, but right now, you need to prepare for the mission.

-

The flight to Ukraine was smooth. No turbulence, and you arrived in the cover of night. 

You landed in a valley near the Eastern Carpathian mountain range, just a few miles away from the abandoned Hydra base. Though no assault was expected, you asked the team to be alert and to check and recheck their ammunitions for the third time, for good measure.

You ordered Woods to scout ahead, and he tells you through the comms that there is no danger. There is nothing to worry about.

“Are you sure?” You asked, supersoldier-enhanced adrenaline pumping through your veins.

“A hundred percent,” you hear Woods say reassuringly through the earpiece. You had a doubt, but if your years of experience taught you anything, it’s that doubts are the main reason of failure.

You signal the rest of your team into formation, nearing the underground bunker with your weapons alert. You lowered your night vision goggles. Other followed your example, doing the same.

“McCoy, Miller,” you called, “Stand guard outside. Watch out for threats.”

The two of them looked at you like your insane. It was unusual for you to ask two of them to stand guard. It wasn't efficient. It seemed like you were wasting men on generally unimportant jobs. Besides, protocol did suggest not having more people on look out than necessary, and in this case  one was more than enough.

“Only one of us should be on the lookout,” Miller suggested, hoisting his gun up.

“No!” you bark aggressively, catching everyone in your team by surprise, “Two of you out, now!”

For a split second, all activities stop, and everything is silent except for your pounding heartbeat. You try to breathe, but your breath comes out raspy and dangerously fast. 

You were never frivolous. You were always calm and collected, as you were trained to be. But this time, it seemed like you had pulled a pin inside of you that triggered an explosion.

And frankly, having you exclaim something so out of character, so unexpected, was terrifying.

“Commander,” Miller said cautiously, “Are you okay?”

“M’ fine,” you insist, averting your eyes from any staring gaze, “Just be on the lookout, two of you.”

If McCoy and Miller want to question your authority, they decided not to. They complied to your order without question.

You lead Harris and Woods into the bunker. 

The only way inside was by a set of stairs. The walk down was terrifyingly agonizing. The icy footsteps were starting to drive you insane. Thankfully, you don't have to hear more when you got to the bottom.

“Split up,” you say, and this time, no one says anything.

You found yourself moving forward the small bunker, Harris and Woods going their own ways on either side of you. 

Tanaka was right. The place was almost empty except for a few empty tubes on the dusty metal shelves. The stainless steel showed signs of breaking down, you could clearly smell the rust.

The floors were dirty. What used to be white ceramic looks gray now. It was filthy, and you were grateful your uniform provided the coverage from whatever disease might be lingering here.

It was clear that no one has stepped foot in it for at least a decade.

“Find anything?” You ask. 

"No,” Harris reported back. “Me neither,” Woods said.

Nearing the end of the bunker, something finally caught your eye.

It looked icy. You adjusted your night vision.

Squinting and carefully coming closer, you realized that it wasn’t ice. It’s water contained in a long transparent tank.

As you got closer, you heart dropped. The tank was filled with water the shade of translucent milk. 

A female human being was floating inside. Her hazel eyes were wide open but unmoving, her skin was as pearl-white as her platinum blonde hair. A thin cloth covered her otherwise naked body. A silver tube on the bottom of the tank frame traced to a non-functioning life support system. You weren’t sure if she’s dead or alive. She’s neither floating nor rotting, but you can’t imagine her being able to survive with these extreme conditions, especially if the bunker has been abandoned for as long as it seemed to be. 

One other thing that seemed to disturb you is how eerily familiar this condition was. You could imagine vividly what it felt to be her. You shake off the thoughts. You need to focus.

You placed your hand on a corner of the tank and wiped the dust. There were words engraved into the thick glass: PROJECT MERCY #21

“I-“ you start to say, trailing the pad of your fingers on the marble-smooth glass, “I found something. Get this back to base.”

-

The flight back was uncomfortable filled with numbing silence. It went hand-in-hand with a few worried stares they gave you.

They knew something was unspoken; something that caused your outburst. But they didn’t ask. Perhaps they were too afraid to ask.

When you gave the covered tank to the base, you waited patiently in front of forensics.

Usually, you’d wind down in the locker room with your squadron, but today it just didn’t feel like you want to. You were too restless to do so. 

You were starting to think avoidance was your coping mechanism for the guilt you felt after that outburst.

It didn’t take too long for forensic to determine that the woman was dead, but that was pretty much the only information they gave you. Everything else was supposedly confidential.

No, you thought to yourself, you need to know more about project Mercy. You don’t know why, but it was a gut feeling that you had, like an instinct planted in your mind by nature. 

Besides, it was a product of Hydra. You needed to know more.

You took out your phone and called the only person who could possibly have an answer, or at least is willing to help you find answers.

“Bucky?” You said through the line urgently. It must be in the middle of the night in New York. He didn’t sound too tired, though.

“(Y/n),” your name escapes his lips like a sigh, breathing with relief. Little did you know, he hadn’t been able to rest before knowing that you’re okay.

“I- Do you know anything about Project Mercy?” You said quietly, trying to make sure no one could hear this conversation.

You were aware that this was illegal. You weren't exactly allowed to share what you find in your operations to the avengers. At least not until they agree to the council.

“Project what?” Bucky asked, his voice sharp.

“Project Mercy,” you repeated,”It has something to do with Hydra.”

The line went silent for a while. You called out his name worriedly.

“It’s a covert biological engineering project Hydra has in collaboration with the KGB,” He says flatly, “I don’t know much about it. All I know is this that none of the subjects came out successful.”

You cursed under your breath. There must be something more to it than that. "Can you please research old SHIELD records for it? We’ll review it together tomorrow night when I get there.”

You could sense Bucky’s hesitation. “This isn’t allowed, right?” He breathed through the phone, “I read the council files you gave Sam. We’re not supposed to exchange any information until the deal is done, right?”

He was right. The only problem is that you didn’t care. Not right now.

“I know,” you admit with a hint of guilt in your stern voice, “But I need to know. I need this, James. Please.”

Bucky never had the heart to say no to you, even if he wanted to. Certainly, this time is no different

“I’ll do what I can,” he promised. 

That was all you needed to hear.

-

Bucky immediately activated the hologram projector in his room. "Friday, lock the room," he said. He heard a confirmation from the AI, followed by a click.

"Dim the lights," he said.

As the blinding neon calms into a soft hue, he can now see the hologram clearer.

"Show me decrypted Hydra and SHIELD files," he requested the AI.

"The one Agent Romanoff dumped to the internet?" Friday asks, making sure to do all the right things.

"Yes," he confirms.

The blue semi-transparents hologram shows millions of files.

"Search for 'Project Mercy," he says again. The hologram changes, a few files left on the hologram.

"Project Mercy was a Hydra bioengineering project in the 1980s. It's goal is to make a fully functional supersoldier from artificial lab-grown cells. These cells were fertilized and grown in a tube that resembled a womb. After nine months, the subjects are ready to be "born." None of them successfully had supersoldier characteristics, and most of them are dead."

Buciy stopped in his tracks.

"Most of them?" He raised his voice, wondering if he heard Friday correctly.

"According to the data, the first and second subject of Project Mercy are given to Hydra agents to raise and observe. Both subjects are alive as of 2014, living normal lives."

Bucky narrowed his eyes. "Where are they now?" He demanded.

"Their records have been wiped out. All that's stated is that Mercy One is female and Mercy Two is male."

"Is there any way to recover the information?" Bucky asked.

Friday calculated, searching the possibilities, "There might be physical records of Mercy One and Two in old private lab of the Hydra scientist named Michail Petrov."

Suddenly, his eyes widened. He recognizes the name, and it sounded just as bitter as it used to, engraved into his half a century of memory. Bucky's human arm curled into a grudging fist.

Petrov, as he recalled, was once the Winter Soldier's handler.

~

[wickedlyqueer]

Wherever the wind may carry us

Nearing their graduation at Shiz, Glinda prepares for her final event as president of the university’s LGBT+ Network. Completely unaware that Elphaba has a surprise for her planned...

(Final one-shot in the Dutch High School Universe. Can be read separately).

READ ON AO3

Glinda woke up to the smell of freshly baked bread in the oven. It had only been a couple of months since she and Elphaba had found an affordable apartment, but the long wait had been worth it—no matter how many times her old roommates had set off the fire alarm. Not that Glinda had exactly deserved a ‘best roommate award’, being the girl who always had her partner over and was prone to leave her pile of dishes out for days.

But none of that mattered anymore. After a year long search they finally managed to snatch an one-bedroom apartment in the centre of Shiz. It was all they could afford for now, and though the space was a bit crammed, Glinda thought it suitable. They were just starting out after all! Only last week had Glinda gotten her final grade for her thesis and officially gotten enough credit to graduate. Meanwhile, Elphaba had been accepted as a PhD candidate at the university and would be working alongside researchers like Dr. Dillamond. Glinda had never seen them beaming as much as when they received the news.

A soft knock came from the door and Elphaba peeked their head around. “Oh good, you’re awake. Breakfast’s ready.”

“I noticed,” Glinda smiled and nestled deeper into her blankets. “Hmm, so is there a special occassion or am I just lucky?”

“Well, it’s your last day as president. I thought you deserved something nice,” Elphaba said and crouched down next to her to give her a kiss. “Morning, by the way. Did you sleep well?”

“I did. You?”

“Oh you know me,” Elphaba said as they played with Glinda’s messy and curly hair. “I fall asleep at three and wake up at seven and somehow that’s enough fuel for me to get through the day.”

“How you do it is beyond me.”

Elphaba chuckled. “Well, if you’re ready to leave your comfortable cocoon, I made us a fancy breakfast. Got freshly squeezed orange juice and warm, tiny breads waiting for you.”

“Oz, that sounds good. I’ll be there in a few, okay?”

After Elphaba left the room she checked her messages on her phone and then put on her slippers and Elphaba’s comfortable sweater that was too big for her. In the kitchen, Elphaba was still prepping some food.

“Need help?”

“Nah, I got it.”

“Probably for the best,” Glinda joked and Elphaba let out a laugh. It was no secret that her cooking skills were abysmal.

A bit of free counter space was left and Glinda decided to hop on it. Elphaba was rolling up slices of cheese and put them on a plate and added a cut stem of parsley as decoration.

“Oh, it’s a fancy fancy breakfast. You’re really going out of your way here.”

Elphaba looked up to her and smiled. “Anything for my girl. I actually thought I’d pamper you this entire day, since it's the closing of a big chapter.”

“That’s true.”

Though her initial hesitation stopped her from going to any LGBT+ meetings the first semester at Shiz, after her gender reassignment surgery, Elphaba had persuaded her to go to one of their lectures about the differences in trans identities across the globe. It had been so fascinating that Glinda kept going to every lecture or borrel she could attend. In her second year, she became part of the board and was in charge of organizing the events. She continued this during her final year of her bachelor, and when applying for a master’s programme, she got asked to become president.

“I can’t believe this is my final day with the Network.”

“Hey.” Elphaba stopped what they were doing and placed their hand against her cheek. “Don’t forget the amount of good you’ve put into the world. You created this welcoming space for every queer person on campus. You’ll go down in the books as a great president.”

“And the first trans woman,” Glinda was quick to add.

“That too,” Elphaba grinned and went back to cutting little cubes of cheese. “Oz, can you even imagine what high school Glinda would think of you?”

“She’d freak out and run back into the closet.”

Elphaba laughed. “Oh yeah, she would. You used to be so terrified of coming out and look at you now. Here, try this,” they said and fed her a cube of cheese.

“Hm, this is good.”

“Yeah? It’s added with buttermilk and some cumin seeds.”

“Nice. Also, what was that about pampering me all day?”

A dark blush spread across their cheeks and Elphaba busied themself with whatever was on the cutting board. “Well, I thought we ought to celebrate today. So after the meeting I reserved us a table at Peach and Kidney’s. Maybe go for a walk afterwards, watch the sun go down at that little park you like.”

Glinda was touched. “Really? That’s so sweet!”

“I thought so too. This day is all about you. I still need to go to the lab for a bit, but I should be in time for the event.”

“Dr. Dillamond called you in?”

“Yeah, he messaged me if I could come down for an hour or two.” Their eyes glazed, but it was for such a brief moment, Glinda thought she must have imagined it.

“As long as you can make it to my final event as president. I may or may not mention you in my goodbye speech.”

Elphaba smirked. “Uh oh. Should I be scared?”

Glinda hoped off the counter and drabbed her arms around their neck. She left a lingering kiss on their lips. “Never.”

--

That afternoon, Elphaba sprinted into the humanities faculty building, out of breath. They located the lecture hall where the event would take place and saw the doors were still open.

“Oh, thank Oz,” they breathed out heavily. They promised Glinda to meet her beforehand and almost didn’t make it in time. The lecture hall was already packed and a few students were still searching for a seat. Next to the lectern, Glinda was in light conversation with the vice president of the LGBT+ Network. Elphaba took two flight of steps at a time as they rushed down the stairs. Before they were down, Glinda had already spotted them and let out a sigh of relieve.

“Hey,” Elphaba said and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Sorry I’m late.”

“That’s okay, we’re running a bit late ourselves. You got hold up at the lab?”

“I did, yes,” they agreed, knowing they wouldn’t come up with a more convincing lie themself.

“Okay, well, you better go grab a seat. I don’t think many more will be coming.”

Elphaba nodded. “Sure, and hey—you got this.”

“Thanks babe,” Glinda smiled.

They quickly took a seat in the second row and nervously patted their pocket to feel if it was still there. Not long after, the doors closed and the room quieted down as Glinda stepped towards the lectern.

“Thank you all for coming to our last event of this school year. Before I’ll introduce our guest speaker for today, I’d like to take a moment to say a few words. As some of you may know, this will be my last day as president of the LGBT+ Network. After this event, Jeremy will take my place, and I’m certain he’ll be able to lead this wonderful network with much care and great enthusiasm.”

She looked away from her notes and gave Jeremy a smile. “Upon meeting me, most people have reacted surprised that I am president of the LGBT+ Network. As a trans woman, I cannot help but feel flattered by this. It means I pass, it means I can live my life unnoticed,” Glinda took a breath. “But I’ve learnt more than once that this right of passing can be stripped away from you the moment people find out. This is how I got taught to hide myself and be quiet. I never took pride in my identity. It felt like a dirty secret. I was a dirty secret.”

Her gaze fell upon Elphaba and a soft smile tugged at her lips. “If not for my rock, my datemate Elphaba, I would still feel the need to hide. If they had not pushed me to go to one of these events in my first year, I would not be standing here in front of you. They taught me that, yes, queer acceptance still has a long way to go. But that spaces such as these help us be ourselves. And they were right, because it helped me become myself.”

Her voice started to crack, and Glinda paused for a moment before pushing through. “So to Elphaba, to all the wonderful board members of this network, and to each and every person who has come to these events, I want to thank you for creating this safe space for me. I hope in my two years as president, I have been able to return that favour.”

Applause rung through the audience. Elphaba whooped in support and Glinda’s cheeks coloured with embarrassment. Not that she minded, Elphaba knew that too. And why wouldn't they show how proud they are of her? If Glinda could make them turn into a pile of mush, then the least they could do was do the same for her.

“Okay, sentimental stuff out of the way,” Glinda laughed nervously as the applause died down. She switched to a different piece of paper. “Now, it is my absolutely honour to introduce professor Wertl who visits us from Qhoyre University. Her research in…”

Everything but Glinda faded to the background. It took all of Elphaba's willpower not to jump out of their seat and declare the love that was bursting out of them right in front of all these people. They dug their hand in their pocket and smiled as they felt the little box against their hand. A chapter would be closing today, that much was certain, but Elphaba was not done with their story yet.

Dr. Dillamond hadn’t asked them to come to the lab at all. Elphaba had to come up with a white lie, so they could run across town and pick up the ring they’d chosen out for Glinda weeks ago. Tonight, as they’d sit at a park bench while the sun would be dipping under the horizon, they’d ask the question they always knew they’d ask one day.

Nearly five years ago, they had been sitting on a different bench and told her they could not imagine spending the rest of their life without her. Those words had stuck true all these years through college, and now, at the verge of a brand new adventure, it was time to commit to that promise.

Life had thrown its fair share of curveballs at Elphaba, and they were sure many more were to come. But they knew they’d be strong enough to smash them right back with Glinda on their team. Nothing in life had been easier than loving Glinda. And with the ring hiding in their pocket, Elphaba would ask her if they could continue to love her. Today, and for the rest of their life.

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[kirkwallhellmouth]

I really wish my former therapist was already able to take insurance, because she already had a working and evolving knowledge of LGBT+ issues; my current-ish (I haven’t seen him since things first closed down over covid, so...like, not since March) therapist seems like a great guy but idk how much he knows/understands and I just don’t really want to do Trans & Nonbinary 101 with anybody right now and today has been a Bad Day for Some Things.

Chest dysphoria, or, more accurately, the Reality That Those Fuckers Are Still On My Chest and It’s Fucking Expensive To Get Them Off played kickball with my mental well-being today (or, more accurately The Portion of Time I Have Been Awake, which was partly yesterday evening and partly this morning).

Before covid hit, I’d been about to try to see about possibly getting top surgery set up for sometime this year. But it had to be somewhere close-ish, because of money, and mom had agreed to help out with the $ because she realized that getting back in the work force was going to be easier for me if I was already rid of them.

But she keeps hoping there’s a way my insurance will pay or help pay for it.

But without a LOT of playing fast and loose with wording (and surgeons seem less into playing that game than, say, your trans-health-focused telemed docs who do your T prescription and monitoring and have it label under “endocrine imbalance”), my insurance WON’T cover top surgery, even though by the end of October I will have been on T for a year, because my insurance’s not-up-dated-since-2017 trans health policy is less progressive than some policies under their umbrella in other states (hint, my insurance has BS as part of its initials and that’s not a lie about how they are half the time).

Because the Alabama flavor requires 1) “Diagnosis of Gender Identity Disorder” when it isn’t even called that any more, 2) “ Twelve continuous months of living in a congruent gender role with his/her gender identity (real life experience) prior to the gender reassignment services noted in the medical documentation (start/end dates included)”--I’M NONBINARY for one, and for two, I have yet to find a binder that works for me (and doesn’t actually worsen my dysphoria) which makes convincing randos that You Are a Dude into something that is Kind of Hard To Do, especially when the 1st puberty slapped you with bigguns. And 3) I’m basically a hermit, even though I’m out as fuck on my social media accounts.

Relatedly, I want to legally change my name and gender marker at the same time so I don’t have to Update ALL the Things twice, but Alabama won’t fucking let you change your marker unless you’ve had surgery, which puts one back into the You Can’t Fucking Win With This Fucking State.

I’m considering starting a Go Fund Me, even if I have less than high hopes of it doing anything truly useful. I have like, $2k-and-a-bit saved away (aka, currently in my parents’ bank account and on a CD...was really kind of hoping I'd get another covid check what Signs Point To No on that), which is...barely a dent in out-of-pocket surgery.

And I’m really considering the Go Fund Me because my dad is retiring in December, which will mean our collective household income depends solely on two people’s Social Security checks.

Also I have yet to come out to my grandparents. There is a tiny, tiny part of me that hopes--in addition to hoping that they take the news as well as two people who are nearing 90 can take such news--that they might decide to help out with some funding...since, other than my dad, I’m pretty much the only family either of them has left since my uncle died.

And with covid and all the anxiety heightening things that make up The Now going on, my brain was bound to sucker punch me with this at some point. I feel a little better having put it in writing.

[year2000electronics]

She could smell it in the air.

The sweet, sweaty smell of suffering.

It was all a black-and-white blur, day in, day out. Poor fools would fail to pay their dues, Mona would send out her goons, and they’d be in possession of all their wares, the idiots who refused to pay the debts dead of a ‘mysterious accident’ at her feet.

Nothing made her happy anymore. Not money. Not her murder of crows. Not her gang. Not her ailing father. Nothing. It was all the same. She had so much, and yet nothing made her truly happy...

Until Mona met her.

She had come through the doors in a flurry, and some goons had chased after her, yelling about how she needed an appointment to see the boss. Mona had taken out her pistol and loaded it with pride, pointing it straight at her face, but stopped.

The dame had the most gorgeous face Mona had ever laid eyes on.

She lowered the gun, and quietly dismissed her men.

“Whaddaya want?” She said quietly, losing all her arrogant demeanour in an instant.

“I hear you give out loans. You don’t need the reason, right?” She looked desperate, her big brown eyes pleading with Mona.

Mona leaned over her desk, taking a puff out of her cigar.

“Youse heard right. Only condition is we’re a bit less forgivin’ than the mob...” She stopped, drumming her fingers on her desk. Her usual spiel had failed to come out of her mouth, and instead she found her mind wandering. “So...What brings you ‘ere?”

The dame coughed nervously, but sighed, gathering the courage to finally spit it out. “I need the money. It’s for gender reassignment surgery.”

Mona whistled. “That’s a new reason fer a loan. You live near here?”

She shook her head. “You have some men in my town. They told me to take up matters with the boss.”

“Where ya live?” Mona asked, brushing the smoke out of her face.

“Just up north, a few towns from here. The one with the opera house. I’m a singer there.”

Mona smiled, her gold tooth catching the light. “Opera singer, eh? You’ll have ta tell me all about it over lunch.”

The dame looked up, surprised. “But the loan... I need to save my money for-“

“Think nothin��� of it, doll. Yer surgery is on me.” Mona got down from her desk, sticking her arm out in a courtly gesture. “Now what say you fer goin’ out fer lunch? I know a great place downtown.”

“R-really? You mean it?” She sighed happily, grabbing Mona’s arm. “A meal or two with a mobster... Sounds real exciting. I’ll take you up on your offer.”

Mona was surprised. Her tone sounded flirtatious. She smirked. ‘Bout time she found another woman into the ladies. “Then it’s a date, miss... I didn’t catch your name.”

“Brooks. Lucia Brooks.”

“Lovely name. You can call me Mona.”

The mooks guarding the door looked at each other in alarm as the boss barged out, grabbing a woman by the hand and giggling like a little kid as the two of them ran down the hall.