#gay rat alert

[hkayakh]

Sam O’ Nella has once again made the funniest thing in history

[mrghostrat]

how ✨spicy✨ is vampire AU gonna be? we talkin flawless levels? 👀

(im so so pumped about this au!!! You write pining so well and it FEEDS ME 🩸)

HMMM i haven’t fully decided how explicit the spicy scenes are gonna be, but there are at least three fucks in the fic 👁️👁️ and waaaayy more ideas for bonus/epilogue scenes

[rateatrock]

“I love you bunny!!”

….

“GO FUCK YOURSELF”

[fitzrove]

Stupid and insensitive (perhaps) idea but more stupid and insensitive ones have been staged professionally...

Anastasia but it's Rudolf XD Instead of mayerling proceeding as planned, there's some freak accident and he forgets everything and gets lost in the woods and, idk, gets picked up and taken in by some farmers and eventually wanders around until he somehow ends up in a city he doesn't know too well, like Bratislava or Zagreb or Sarajevo (or even Berlin). Nobody really recognises him out of uniform and beardless and with his little hat (to cover up a head wound), generally worse-for-wear in almost all ways. He's actually in pretty rough shape until he gets taken in by a street-rat-with-a-heart-of-gold and some disgraced Austro-Hungarian (fake?) minor nobleman. And like in the original Anastasia, they see him and come up with a "omg Rudolf is actually alive!" scam plan to make money and get out of whatever city they're stuck without prospects in, and Rudolf Rudi has to practice "pretending" to be Rudolf and isn't very good at it ksksk. But somehow they eventually make progress and start making their way to Vienna...

I think in this version they maybe have to convince Elisabeth specifically of his identity, which is going to be difficult af because she's grieving and withdrawn and not quite there when it comes to this topic (talking to Rudolf's ghost etc.).

Also the head trauma got rid of some of Rudolf's bisexual repression, so like in Anastasia, he falls in love with the street rat guy...

But oh no!!! After they make it to Vienna and Rudolf does start to remember, does he even want to go to back to how things were...? He got to live like some normal guy and even gets to be gay (nobody cares if it's low-class vagrant people hiding it the best they can) so now it seems high stakes in a bad way to go back to his old identity.

Also, depending on what we want to do re: Mary, that might complicate matters too. If she's dead, the court will probably offer to cover it up if Rudolf comes back, which is nasty and presents a big moral qualm for him; if she's alive and remembers what happened, it's probably a shock and an unpleasant reckoning for Rudolf to have to come to terms with what he was trying to do to her.

Also Taaffe can be the villain 😌 pick your favourite:

1) an obstacle constantly trying to prove Rudi as a fake and keep him from coming back (certain persons reading this will and can interpret this as Taaffe knowing he really is the one and secretly trying to protect him this way xD)

2) someone alerted by the imperial family to this scheme who suspects Rudi is the real deal, and because of how inconvenient that would be, trying to somehow silence and eliminate him permanently

3) someone who knows/strongly suspects Rudi is the real deal, and pressures him to return after Rudi himself remembers things because nooo don't desert your divinely ordained imperial duties you're too sexy aha

Anyway yeah 😌 add more ideas if you want

[alientitty]

Persona 5 (Royal) Guys Punchability Rating

Should you, playing as Joker, take a swing at your confidants? Find out here!

I-The Magician: Morgana

Hey, he's just a little kitty cat! It might be annoying how he doesn't let you go out at night and keeps talking when you're trying to read or meditate, but when he's not around it's clear you can barely function without a feline handler. He does keep saying weird shit to Ann though. 3/10

IV-The Emperor: Yusuke Kitagawa

Is it even fair? The guy's a toothpick. He's gonna blow away with the next breeze. His stamina in the Metaverse comes entirely from sitting around thinking about the darkness of the human soul re:art all day. Isn't he a starving orphan? But he does keeping saying out-of-pocket shit and you don't care how gay he is, that's no excuse for being a misogynist. Violence isn't the answer, but he'll feel the passion behind your slap, even if he doesn't entirely approve of the method. 5/10

V-The Hierophant: Sojiro Sakura

Aww, isn't he such a lovable tough guy? Basically your new dad, generational enmity and all. Hey wait why is he checking out your teenage friends. Hitting on all these younger women. Isn't he like 50? 60? If he's in his 60s you worry his brittle bones will shatter on impact, but if it's 50s then he's fair game. Maybe he'll finally trust you after some male bonding through friendly roughhousing and all. Depending on how early it is in the game there's a chance you'll be out on the street, though. 6/10

VI-The Chariot: Ryuji Sakamoto

He's your homeboy, your bro, your best buddy! And sometimes friends deck friends when they get outta line. You do feel kinda bad since he's been trying to channel all those big water sign emotions into becoming a gym rat instead of getting goaded into fights and all, but you'll keep it clean. You love him, but he can be so embarrassing in front of your other friends! Maybe he'd stop chasing skirts like a doofus if he just got some friendly skin-on-skin contact with other guys now and then. Wait, what? Well, anyways, it's totally a fair fight. As you throw the first punch you remember, wait, isn't he a domestic violence survivor? Shit. 9/10

XI-Justice: Goro Akechi

You can't tell if he's actually cool or just pretentious, but you've been waiting for a chance to wipe that shit-eating grin off his pretty face. You bet he has a 15-step skincare routine to get that perfect glow when he delivers a backhanded compliment that subtly conveys how much he thinks he's better than you. Staring each other down across the billiard tables while you play a verbal game of cat-and-mouse isn't enough. This cold war's gotta heat up. And, spoiler alert, he will challenge you to a duel...and then some. This ends with one of you on his knees. 10/10

XII-The Hanged Man: Munehisa Iwai

What beef do you even have with this guy? He's the hot gun guy who gives you custom builds in exchange for glimpses into the life of a Goodfellas side character. Besides, with his history, you don't wanna risk it. He's way too experienced and strong and grizzled and smoldering and...ahem. Maybe you would learn something. 4/10

XVI-The Tower: Shinya Oda

That's a kid. You do wanna punch the people making this poor child's life so hard, though. 0/10

XVIII-The Moon: Yuuki Mishima

He looks up to you so much it just wouldn't be fair. You've seen him beat up so much already that, even if he asked you to fight him, it'd be like kicking a puppy. He can be annoying and a creep and maybe even a little scary sometimes, but a punch is not what he needs. 2/10

XIX-The Sun: Toranosuke Yoshida

Dad?! For real, though, he's just about the only adult in this game besides Lala-chan who seems actually cognizant of the fact that you're a teenager. If you tried to take a swing at him he'd be incredibly disappointed that his lessons didn't stick, and you'd never forgive yourself for letting him down. 1/10

(Igor isn't here because he's nothing. As in, literally immaterial. You can't punch your dreamscape spirit guide with your real life human hands. He's, just, not there.)

1-The Councillor: Takuto Maruki

The most punchable guy in the entire game. Everyone thinks that self-effacing, oblivious beta male act is so charming, but you're not buying it. He's only there for Shujin to cover its ass until it cycles out of the news and is either willingly complicit or too incompetent to notice. He thinks his disarming, approachable shtick is a therapeutic icebreaker, but it's more like a lack of boundaries bordering on malpractice. He's one of those self-described "empaths" who projects his own personal issues onto everybody else and plays the victim when you call him out on it. The last thing you or any other troubled teens need is this bumbling, paternalistic stooge messing around in your heads. Plus, every time he makes that stupid pouty face you wanna slap the license outta him. Hey, does he even have one? 11/10

Bonus: Protagonist/ Joker / Your Name Here

Well, you play as him, so he's kind of you? The dialog options let you be a little mean or creepy sometimes, so I guess it's up to the player to decide if he's a jerk or not. Or you can take all those options as reflective of his personality (add in the fake glasses and Uniqlo mannequin getups, and he's kind of an asshole). Just keep in mind that, for a guy who eats a single loaf of bread at lunch every day, he's surprisingly built and pretty strong. You'll be in for quite a fight you can't back out of if you take a swing at him. At yourself?

??/10

[mjfsupremacy]

EXCHANGE PART TWO

It's been a hot minute since I dropped the first part of this, it's been written for months, I guess I just kinda forgot to post it! Oopsie. Thanks to the folks who read it recently and commented. Reminded me of this cute lil ficcy.

Part One

“Elle.”

Its Friday, an unusually quiet one at that and you decided to tackle Hemmingway, which means you were also simultaneously reading something by Austen and Roxanne Gay to numb the pain. You were leaning back in your chair; ankles crossed on the desk and books and post its strewn around them waiting out the final hour of your shift.

You glance up from your book with a frown. Maxwell leans against the glass with a proud smirk, arms crossed over his broad chest. “Why do you have a highlighter in your mouth? I know things are a little backwards this side of the pond but I think when it comes to holding stuff were in agreement on how its usually done.”

You snatch the pink marker from your teeth quickly offering him a mighty scowl. “Don’t call me ‘Elle’.”

“That chick from last weekend told me your name was ‘Elle’.” He retorts with a roll of his eyes.

“Her name is Lisa, you absolute tosser, and she didn’t tell you my name was ‘Elle,’ you eavesdropped on a conversation where she called me ‘Ellie.’” God you really hate this guy.

“Sorry, I assumed it was a cutesy version of Elle. What’s it short for?” He asks eyes flitting over the mess on her desk, trying to collect any information he can.

“Why?”

“Why does anyone want to know anything?”

“Impetuous nosiness?”

“Or so I know what name to save your number under when you call me. Speaking of which, when were you planning on doing that again, Sugar?”

“The day I tell you my name probably.” You reply bored, your eyes sliding back to A Farewell to Arms. “Wait,” You slide your feet of the desk and stand up suddenly. “How did you get in here? You can’t be in here without someone who lives here.”

Max grins, adjusting his Burberry scarf under his expensive looking coat. “Relax, Toots, my new...friend is outside talking to some girl from her class, she let me in. I’m not standing around in the cold like a poor person while she titters like half her brain was taken in a lobotomy.”

“Well, God forbid you go home with someone and like their personality.” You roll your eyes, relaxing slightly.

“I liked her personality just fine. Both of them.”

Your mouth pulls down in distaste and you all but throw the clipboard and pen at him. “Does the local clinic know about you? I assume the CDC alerted them to your arrival in the country.”

“Haha,” He responds dryly. “Does the local pub know about you? The comedy offerings on Thursday’s got nothing on you.”

You snort taking the clipboard and setting it down. You look him up and down, still leaning against the window in his expensive coat. “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“I am grown, baby, if you’d let me take you out, I’d prove it.”

“How long can you hold your breath? Have you tried tripling it?” You shoot back. He laughs, surprising a small smile out of you. His laugh is brash and loud just like him but there is something genuine within it, like he’s picky with who gets to hear it.

“I’m a wrestler now and hopefully I’ll be one when I grow up too. I’m here on exchange for the year but I wrestle whenever I can. The UK has a strong scene.” He replies openly, his eyes alight as he talks about a subject he clearly adores. You suppose how built he is makes more sense with this information. “Plus, the ring rats out here are way better than the ones in the states.”

Your hesitant to ask but the question falls out anyway, “What’s a ring rat?”

“Wrestling groupies, girls who just come to the shows to fuck the wrestlers.” Maxwell smirks in reply.

“I knew I shouldn’t have asked but I still did. That’s completely on me.” You mutter to yourself, sitting back in your chair with a disgusted sigh and picking up Roxanne Gay’s bad feminist.

“You were reading that book before,” Maxwell points to the red cover of Hemmingway. “Did you forget? I have been known to have that effect on women when I get them alone.”

“You don’t, How I wish I could forget you.” You reply, flicking through the pages. “Hemmingway makes me want to stab myself in the face. You need alternatives or you won’t make it through the book.” You wave bad feminist in his direction.

He gestures for you to pass him the book and you do with a raised eyebrow. He immediately starts flicking through, stopping at the pages filled with notes. “You can read?” You joke, watching his eyes devour the words.

“You write in your books, what, think your better than the greats or something?” He snarls back his eyes never leaving the page he’s settled on.

“Or something.”

He’s quiet for a moment while he flips the book carefully in different directions trying to break apart your loopy handwriting. You aren’t sure why he’s being so gentle with a book you’ve all but taped back together from how many times you’ve stuffed it into tiny bags or pockets but you find it a little bit endearing. “You know they make more sense once you’ve actually read the words that are supposed to be there.”

That gets Maxwell’s attention and he glances up at you, closing the book on his thumb. “Are you saying I can borrow it?”

You frown, that wasn’t anywhere near what you’d meant but you supposed it wouldn’t hurt to let him borrow it. It’s not like he wasn’t around pretty much every weekend. “Sure, you can borrow it. I don’t know if it’s your speed though.”

Maxwell grins, tucking it safely into the inner pocket of his coat before pushing off the glass. “Thanks, gorgeous, I’ll take good care of it. Promise.”

He steps toward the front door and offers you a little smirk and a wave, “Enjoy the rest of your night, Ellie.”

You roll your eyes but offer a wave of your own in the form of a shooing motion. “Until next time, Maxwell.”

His playful smirk evolves into a wide grin and he disappears out the way he came. You shake your head, grabbing your trusty sign I’m sheet.

MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN

2133 361 6693

You have a post it on your shoe. Enjoy your noodles. Call me if you are ever up for real food. -Max

You snatch the orange post it from the bottom of your ugg boot with a groan, finding your shopping list for the week cramped into the small space.

Later when you put the folded-up sheet and the post it into your drawer for a moment you consider saving his number. You were desperate to know what he thought of the book and even more so to know what he was thinking while he read your notes and dissections.

You decide against it, you’d likely see him in a few days on the arm of another pretty girl from your building anyway. Besides, he was an ass and you didn’t want to give him what he wanted.

Your last thought before finally dozing off was the realisation that Max never came back tonight. And no one else did either.

*

The following Saturday is your weekend off and a few people from your class drag you out for a night on the town. Everyone knows you prefer to be home but they try to talk you into one night out and you can’t help but agree. You thrifted a pair of leather bell bottoms last term that still has the tags on them. It was time.

So, with a copy of Elizabeth Barrett Browning rolled up tightly in your purse (just in case, you weren’t trying to be a pick-me, you’d just been caught out waiting for a lift home by yourself more times than you cared to admit.) you head out for drinks with your friends and end up in a nightclub not long after. You are swaying your hips to the beat and spinning around carefree. Your friends are chanting your name and you can’t help but laugh. You had to admit, it felt nice to let loose every now and again.

It wasn’t a change of pace, per se, you went out, you knew how to have typical university student fun. You even went on the occasional date, but, and you admitted it was probably a bit snobby to say, the late nights, the boys... well, they weren’t especially intellectually stimulating. Not in the way a book was or the tiny Zagreus inside her switch. Still you can admit you have fun, and stay out much later than you’d thought.

When you stumble tiredly into the dorms just before 1 am, you are surprised to see the girl who does alternate weekends asleep in your chair. You didn’t want to be left working every weekend so you know you aren’t going to dob her in but it still annoys you to see her being so careless. There was a reason the girls who lived here had to sign in their visitors, everyone living here deserved to feel safe.

You slap the lip of the counter, shocking the girl so much she nearly falls from her chair. “Ellie, Hi, sorry, I was doing my physics homework.” She explains and you feel a little bit of sympathy. “Oh! Here, some guy dropped this off.” She passes you the book you let Max borrow last week. “He also told me to give you this.” She hands you a folded sign in sheet. “He tried really hard to get your room number from me, but I swear I didn’t give it to him, he called me a ‘stupid whore’ and then left these here. American” She offered as explanation.

“Thanks, sorry.” You offer with a grimace heading down the corridor with a final nod.

MAXWELL JACOB FRIEDMAN

2133 361 6693

You went out? You can do that? Have fun? You’ll have more when you finally call me. I liked this Roxanne chick. I liked what you thought of her too. Maybe I’ll catch you next time and we can talk about it. What I don’t like is discount you at the front desk. Serious attitude. Snores like a truck too. Hope you had a good night, Gorgeous. -Max

You snort softly, tucking the note with the others and sliding the book back into its home on your bookshelf. This guy was unlike anyone you’d ever met, a total shit-stirring wanker and man-whore but for some reason, despite how much he annoyed you, you were beginning to find him entertaining and dare you say, endearing.

Suddenly you couldn’t wait for next week.

[monkeywiki]

RED ALERT- RAT HOLE HAS BEEN FILLED AFTER A GAY MARRIAGE WAS HELD BY IT. QUICKEST TIME CHICAGO ADDRESSES A POTHOLE BEFORE ANY OTHER DANGEROUS ONE THATS BEEN THERE FOR YEARS? INTERESTING

[cygraves]

Alright folks, here’s a list of all the fandoms/medias I’ve been in and obsessed with before 🫶.

Not all of them are current but I shall truly expose myself. None of you know me and I have no shame.

9-1-1 (PLEASE JUST LET THEM FUC-)

RiordanVerse (Straight ship so good even the gays ship it. 🙏🙏)

Twilight (yes I was a twihard and yes I got better… kinda.)

DC (Batfam and kryptonian glazer; Snyder dick riders leave me alone-)

Ever After High/Monster high (We could have had something so great if they had made the collab movie plz-)

Spider-Man obsession (Trans masc problems/j)

FNAF (Can you tell I wasn’t cared for as a child?)

My Hero Academia (I’m not insane I swear 😭)

Teen Wolf (SMD! It’s amazing. I love it. No notes. Perfection. Also that movie never happened wdym?? I didn’t see a thing‼️)

My Babysitter’s a Vampire (dead fandom alert 🎺🎺🎺)

Supernatural (I am insane I fear 😞)

Lab Rats/Mighty Med (*Pushing through cobwebs and choking*)

Voltron (I was there, it was rare, I remember it.)

X-men (“My man my man my man” I chant while I lick a photo of Logan Howlett’s abs.)

TMNT (I love those lil’ green bastards sm 😭😭😭)

Stranger Things (I know, embarrassing. But it’s real, okay? Leave me alone.)

COD (Specifically task force 141 my lil' babies <3)

Arcane (i miss my pookies sm)

There’s absolutely more but remembering things is hard and I’m lazy so BYE!

[charlesdesvoeux]

terror rewatch time!!! i'll be using this post to comment on ep. 5 "first shot a winner lads" block the tag terrorwatch2 if you'd like :-)

waaaait I didn't know dundy lost his toes also ❗️ STANVOEUX ALERT ❗️

goddd crozier being like "Hi ned!!!" and then ned has to say "a guy died :-/" this show is a comedy

poor ned is just so. exhausted. and the way he looks at jopson after crozier requests he collect Mr. Hornby's things!!!! the way he clearly prefers jopson to him!!!! "why can't I be the favorite son???"

the way!!!! hickey tries to pull goodsir but harry clocks him immediately!!!!!

that hickeygibson scene... the way there is obviously this transactional element to their relationship. but is absolutely not just transactional. billy's smile after hickey gives him the ring is frankly very earnest, very sweet- it's the closest thing they'll ever get to a marriage and he knows it. it's very serious!!! and then hickey says "unbutton your ears" and billy's smile falters bc its a reminder of. you know. it being transactional.

I think jirv's reaction to manson's fear is bc well. you know. the thing that irving clings to for sanity and emotional safety and structure and order is christianity and the idea of ghosts just goes contrary to all doctrine. and what if manson's right- what if he really heard them, does that mean ghosts are real??? if the church is wrong about ghosts what else is the church wrong about??? gay sex and then his castle crumbles just like that. he can't have that he just can't. and so he reacted with frankly a surprising amount of emotional violence but thats because the idea of a church tenet being wrong is emotionally violent TO HIM. and I mean also of course the discipline thing. bc I think jirv feels guilt in a sense of "well if I had ratted out hickey he would have been punished earlier and maybe the seeds of rebellion wouldn't have been planted and hartnell and manson wouldn't have gone with him and everything wouldn't be fucked so I NEED to be strict now" even if frankly I think he looks uncomfortable showing that aggression.

and then of course hickey slithers in and positions himself as a hero to manson. the officers are all so distant, they're authority figures, the ones who met out punishment- but that's not hickey, no, hickey is nice and funny and high spirited and he helped me i like hickey :-)

sol taking care of heather :-((( he takes his role as the leader of the marines very seriously- and if that entails cutting heather's nails and chatting to a practically dead man then so be it. also interesting in light of Dave K's q&a where he mentioned how they tried to keep an eye on physical touch on the show considering he holds poor heather's hand very tenderly. another sign of the pretenses of "proper" victorian masculinity fading away given the circumstances.

didn't remember ned being present on silna's "interrogation"; he makes a good suggestion- "maybe it's gone off, somehow" he's privy to a lot more information than I remembered actually!!! and the way he shakes his head when francis orders silna out, he know this is cruel and wrong. wonder if blanky hadn't stood up to francis if little would have (probably not I guess :-( he just would have done it anyway but pissed off, which is the story of his life)

goddddd the way blanky manages to somehow joke around even as he's about to get his leg cut off. that's my man <3

"jopson, I'd like you to join us"

ned seething with rage in the background at first as crozier announces he's drying out.....

it's just incredibly touching how he allows himself to be seen in this moment of great vulnerability. that's when his relationship with fitzjames starts to turn which of course would become incredibly important as the series unfolds.

[monniemonniee]

news alert:

gay wizards finally killed the damned white rat-like man who massacred masses, now their number one problem is what happens inside their pants and what happens after the pants are gone.

[macybay947]

🚨💥 gay space rat alert 💥🚨💥 i repeat, gay space rat alert 💥🚨💥 this is not a drill people 💥🚨

[homestuck-human-generator]

Name: Mr. Joye Sartini Color: Dark Coral #D75341 Symbol: skull Strife Specibus: canekind Handle: tornGabion Animal: donkey Pronouns: ze/zir/zir/zirs/zirself Age: 34 Birthday: 322th day of the year Sexuality: gay Interests: houseplant care and badminton Dream Moon: derse Classpect: Muse of Breath Land: Land of Tea and Frost, an alert place, with eager Great Plains rat snake consorts. It is a place full of geysers of godly tears and haunted houses. Adrastea can't wait to meet the player. Instrument: sarrusophone

[dearest-infinity]

guess who's FINALLY back

so ik i was dead for a long time. sorry about that, can't promise it won't happen again, but hey! i got some better outlines for my wips and new directions things are going in :> so while i might've been in a bit of a creative coma, i'm slowly clawing my way back to the surface lmao

anyway! since it's been a hell of a long time: what's up, name's moony (or lune, if you're feeling formal), pronouns he/him or ze/hir, and i'm a fantasy writer!

the wips i'm focusing on are, at the moment:

wrong side of legendary: an urban fantasy work about a keith, traumatized former prince, cross, the rat bastard keith summons when he tries to do something for his roommate, and saying fuck you to the world and the people they were supposed to be. mlm, just a teeny bit spooky

red rise: soft sci-fi fantasy that the outline is worrying me with the projected word count of, oh god that's centered around kyra, a girl with a sun living in her chest, trying to save the universe from an empire that can never really outrun the destruction it leaves in its wake, and silena, her best-friend-turned-desperate-enemy who's the golden girl of the empire and owes her life and more to it. there are so so so many sad lesbians in this. i am not immune to sad lesbians and neither are you.

dark eyes (name under construction): tragic fantasy. levi is the town witch, and it's her job to keep everyone safe from the magical forest that surrounds them and, should it come down to it, the fae that live in it. this... does not go very well. one day, levi wakes up to the entire town having been overrun by the forest, and the townspeople either turned to wood or vanished. as she sets out to right this, she encounters branwen, a forest fae who will help her in exchange for one thing: her heart. i love them dearly, your honor.

and of course, the backburner wips:

elle is waiting (by the bodies of your gods): retired apocalypse-ender yis'sika and her wife rhoze are called upon, once again, save the world from— huh. it seems no one can really tell them. no one except a girl who claims to be from another world, and a young woman made of flowers who claims to be yis'sika and rhoze's daughter. no one trusts each other, but the clock is ticking. the statues have eyes. and elle is always, always, waiting.

black lightning: nova and zenith are vigilante partners who know and trust each other with everything in their fight against the corrupt system—everything, except their identities. this becomes a problem when nova, civilian name estelle, is scouted to become an intelligent, a once-human, now-machine enforcer of the law, and is brought into the glass palace—which, despite its name, is impossible to get anything in or out of. zenith, civilian name zhen, realizes that something must've happened, and tries to save nova from whatever fate has befallen her; a course that takes her to the glass palace. it may be the lion's den, but with the two of them working together, they might be able to strike at the heart of the power that's hurt so many. also they're gay. they're really gay. fluffy wlw superhero action (with just a teeny touch of the body horror. TINY)

unnamed wip (time travel sapphics flavored): fellas, is it gay to time travel to save the world? no? fine. is it gay to time travel to save your really really hot dyke best friend? THERE WE GO. wlw and happy for once!!!

unnamed wip (wild west flavored): an immortal necromancer wants to fulfill the natural order and die. a sunwraith cowboy, risen from the grave to have its justice—or is it revenge?—, wants to live the life stolen from it. i won't lie, i don't know much about this one, but it's gay and bittersweet.

postcard from the end times: this one's actually going to be a comic! fantasy story about a bunch of kids who go to trauma school and try really, really hard to win in a system that's trying to farm them for all the misery they can produce. spoiler alert: it doesn't work. so, new plan: kill the school and everyone behind it. salt and burn until the cancer's dead, and keep going until it can't claw itself out of its own grave. what's god to a shit ton of angry teenagers? killable.

woagh. that was a lot. anyway, love you all! good luck this year, hopefully it's better than the last ;;-;;

[headgear-smelvin-fart]

everyone look at Sera! some info:

Seraphina "Sera" Lockforth

She/Her

5'2

Fire mage 🔥

20 years old

She has run away from her father's home to try and find a life of her own. She couldn't bring much with her, but she was sure to bring Billy, the little reindeer plush, and Baby Bear, the old, crusty, stinky teddy bear (who are REAL BOIS IRL AAAA)

She is very shy and small (but chumby). But do *NOT* underestimate her. She is a big fan of animals, especially skunks, spiders, and rats!

also. Big Gay! Lesbian alert! (■_■¬)

(ps here's the bois)

Baby Bear--new and improved vs old stinky old!

Billy

[dicktat]

Okay my thoughts on the renegades ending.

Turns out Juan isn’t as much of a bastard as I give him credit for. I was expecting full blown chaotic evil dictatorship (akin to Vass Montenegro/Rais) but…he’s decent. At least compared to them. He’s still a tyrant but not like a “I’m building a pit and sending men to fight because I enjoy gore” evil but more like a “lolz people are dying on the street but I got all the good whiskey so let’s party” evil. And throughout the story you can tell his intentions weren’t that bad (at least that’s what he tells Aiden). He did want to uncover Matt’s conspiracy and is honestly the first character to openly lay out the shitiness of that guy (besides the unnamed officer form a collectible tape). And provided decent evidence that Jack Matt was the culprit for Black Monday, and therefore a power hungry fascist leader who’s willing to gamble millions of life for his own goal. So in a way. What he said during his public execution on my first playthrough was kinda true. And he ordered a court martial, an official trail. Perhaps that’s the reason Jack Matt didn’t show up during the X-13 mission. I guess he was overthrown. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that he kinda became something worse LMAO. I’m not cutting this guy any slack he’s still a prick but he’s also pathetic and gay and whimpers because he hates seeing his own blood. (But you could also argue that, the renegades that took over Villedor weren’t the cardboard cutout evil henchmen commanded by Waltz but a separate group lead by colonel Williams which could be seen as less amoral). But the ending is also kinda spicy cuz if you look closely they are protesting on the STREETS at NIGHT without UV meaning the renegades either got rid of all the zombies or made the place much safer to walk around without dying. Which is a W imo. And I’d like to argue food shortage is better than water shortage in the PK ending. And if we are REALLY going that way I could also argue this ending at least let’s you protest unlike the fascist PK supreme. But yeah he’s still a funny loser prick too afraid to step out of his floating castle because he knows the people are mad at him. Over all the missions were fun too, there were a LOT of stealth/spying missions which weren’t exactly my strong suit. I failed a mission 3 times because I kept alerting the guards (that I can’t just fucking kill). My favorite was probably the cathedral demolisher fight. And strangely enough, the side quest where you fight Hakon is a main quest for this one. It’s essentially the same but something you can’t skip and plays a part in the story. Only difference: Even if you chose to spare Hakon, your relationship with him isn’t exactly fixed. EVEN if you get to the homoerotic I don’t want to fight you let’s see the ocean together part. If you convinced Lawan to spare him. Instead of Lawan letting him go he just BONKED HER ON THE HEAD while her back was turned. Also later on he showed up with the renegades, had the exact conversation I posted yesterday, and gross failed ex relationship ensued. Which leads me to believe my save file was corrupted, the game registered me as somehow taking the Juan route and therefore gave me that cutscene. The rest of the game is pretty much the same, the ending- Aiden leaves alone anyway but I think there’s NO reason he can’t leave with anyone? The city has gone to shit and what’s the point in staying. Or alternatively techland could have given us a renegades officer Aiden or co-rule ending if they weren’t COWARDS. Like cmon this would be such a cool idea. Aiden going full evil mode lol. Overall I think it was fun and I got to spend some time with my boy Juan and holy shit he talks so much and panics whenever something goes wrong (which working with him, means all the fucking time). Him almost losing it every time he thought something was wrong was hilarious. Feral rat man. And they have some good chemistry too. Like actual “Aiden going on some death trip to impress some boy” relationship. Then again I feel like we’ve been robbed. Like I said where’s my evil Aiden route lol.

[whoacanada]

Zimbits - Bartender!Jack + NHL!Bitty AU

Prompt: Retired NHL player Jack Zimmermann takes ownership of a sports bar in Pittsburgh and accidentally falls for the Penguins’ (closeted) new left winger.

A/N - just the start, I’d like to get around to more of this; the basic idea was an It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia AU, but I couldn’t manage to make everyone that terrible so Jack owns and operates a gay sports bar and starts crushing on one of his patrons.

“Can’t believe you’ve owned this place since ’89.” Jack coughs, waving the dust away from his face. “Did you ever come back after we moved home?”

It’d be disingenuous to say Jack had been expecting anything other than cigars and whiskey when his father had invited him on a trip down to Pittsburgh to see Mario and glad-hand some Penguins sponsors. In fact, he’d kind of been looking forward to sulking and getting shit-faced, not limping around a condemned building dodging roaches and rats.

“It was an investment opportunity. That was the trend back then, famous athletes buying up restaurants and clubs — I had big plans for this building. Then your mother got pregnant and I realized I didn’t really give two shits about running a nightclub.”

“Realized you were pretty lazy, huh?”

As Bob laughs, Jack picks at the peeling, lacquered bartop, trying not to imagine how many decades of grime he’s just collecting under his nail, the situation made even more disgusting in such close proximity to the glittering gold championship ring his father had insisted he wear to their lunch meeting with the Penguins front-office suits. Jack flicks the gunk away as Bob levels him with a weighty look, hands braced in the air as if outlining a play and not offering a tour of a cobweb-filled dive.

“Here’s my thought,” Bob says. “The bar. It’s yours.”

Jack leans against the counter, taking some weight off his braced leg, and asks, “What’s mine?”

“This place,” Bob gestures around the room. “The whole building. It’s just sitting here, empty, the bar, the liquor license, there’s apartments and office space upstairs, we’d just need to do some renovations and —“

Jack can’t help himself. He barks a laugh and says, “I’m not moving to Pittsburgh.”

“How many times have you and I talked about opening a sports bar? I’d wanted to get this place fixed up so it’d be ready when you retired, but since the final — you could make it a gay bar, even, if you wanted!” Bob says quickly, offering another awkward olive branch. “A gay sports bar. I wouldn’t care.”

“A gay sports bar. In Pittsburgh,” Jack echoes, reaching for a chirp to defend himself, but he closes him mouth as he realizes a sports bar run by a Zimmermann might not be a terrible investment idea. “The building needs a ton of work,” Jack settles. “I just saw a rat.”

“That was a mouse,” Bob dismisses, not bothering to look at the rat still clearly in view. “Nothing that can’t be fixed. Got a dollar?”

Jack pats his pockets, finds a spare looney and hands it over. Bob doesn’t hesitate, pulling an envelope out of his back pocket to exchange for the coin.

“Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of,” Bob looks around helplessly. “I actually don’t know what they call this place now. A Bar?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” Jack swallows against the tightness in his throat, holding the deed carefully in his hands. “Thanks, Dad.”

Bob brings Jack in for a loose hug and they both ignore the soft squeaking coming from the backroom.

Five Years Later

There’s a man examining the announcement board in the vestibule, and Jack knows that posture: the forward hip cant, thick thighs, a small but definite bubble butt — guy’s a hockey player, and he has been for some time.

“Hey. Hi.”

Blondie spins around at Jack’s address. Not quite startled, but something close enough that Jack feels a twinge of guilt. “You interested in playing in our beer league? You look like you might know your way around a rink.”

The man quickly looks at his chest, as if expecting to find something displayed, but relaxes immediately. Jack fights a grin, he was once old hat at wandering into public spaces decked out in identifiable team merch.

“Bitty.” The man squares up to offer his hand; his accent is warm and distinctly southern, not at all what Jack was expecting. “You can call me Bitty.”

“Oh, with a nickname like that, you have to play, now, no excuses,” Jack gives Bitty’s arm a firm shake, surprised at how complementary his grip is; not just an overcompensating bro who’s walked into the wrong club.

“If only I had the time,” Bitty placates wryly. “Is this place new?”

“Been here a few years, but not long. How about you? Are you ‘new’? In town, I mean.”

“Moved for work,” Bitty’s smile is timid, eyes darting around the room looking for other patrons, up at the memorabilia and the various pennants. “First year. Slowly learning the area.”

Jack doesn’t miss the way Bitty’s eyes linger on the Pride flag draped from the second floor railing, but Bitty doesn’t mention it, and Jack isn’t in the business of prying.

“Let me be the first to welcome you to The Bar.”

“I saw that outside, do you not have a name?”

“We weren’t creative. The owner didn’t realize he was filling in the wrong line on the business license so we are literally called ‘The Bar’.”

“That’s actually pretty solid,” Bitty laughs, the sound lifting Jack’s mood easily. “I’ll have to make sure I come back and patron your establishment at a reasonable hour.”

“What you aren’t interested at getting sloshed before noon?”

Bitty laughs, and Jack is enough of an adult to recognize he’s got a tiny bit of a crush.

______

True to form, Bitty slowly becomes a feature of Jack’s early afternoons. The first few weeks, he does little more than quietly purchase a single domestic beer before tucking himself away in a corner booth, hunched over his phone, ball cap pulled low for discretion. Jack gives him space, and aside from a few curious regulars, Bitty is little more than another closeted young man seeking quiet sanctuary.

That is, until, hockey kicks up and Mario hooks Jack up with season tickets beside the bench. It’d taken time for Jack to get comfortable with being in an arena again, especially without the ability to step onto the ice himself, but he’s acclimated and learned to appreciate his new lot in life. He can be happy for his success and mourn the end of his career with equal measure.

(Doesn’t hurt he still gets asked for autographs on the regular.)

Bittle, the new forward traded out of Columbus, spins to whip the puck between Lundqvist’s thighs and the score is 3-2 with a minute left in the third. Jack stands to cheer with the crowd as Bittle’s pulled into a celly with his line mates, and the new angle gives Jack a good look at the man’s sunny face, complete with a familiar, bright smile and missing canine. Jack’s heart leaps into his throat when he realizes Bittle is ‘Bitty’, and Jack can’t help but cheer louder.

________

After the game, Jack does his homework. Pulls up stats pages and articles on Eric Bittle. Looking to link the quiet hottie from his bar with the energetic man he saw tonight on the ice. If Jack wasn’t in love before, he absolutely is after watching highlights from Bittle’s time in Columbus.

The next time Jack finds Bitty slipping into the bar, probably between practice and a good nap, Jack makes his move; filling a pint glass, wedging an orange slice on the rim, and adjusting his shirt before striding to the corner booth as easily as one can with a titanium femur.

“On the house,” Jack says, setting down the glass gently. “Choice goal, Tuesday. Great bounce.”

Bitty’s grateful smile falters, turning into something guarded.

“What goal?” Bitty asks, voice steady, and Jack’s immediately alerted to his misstep. Jack casts a careful eye around the room and doesn’t find anyone watching, kicking himself for not thinking this through. He’s used to playing this game with guys who aren’t quite comfortable, who might be visiting with the wrong people, but he hasn’t had to do the closeted-pro-athlete dance in a while.

“You know, I must have been mistaken.”

“Happens all the time. Very sweet of you, though.” Bitty apologizes and pushes away the beer, but Jack waves him off. It’s the least Jack can do for calling the guy out.

“I should have known,” Jack tries to recover. “You’ve still got all your chiclets. But, between you and me, Bittle’s a spitfire, eh? Crazy soft hands. I’d like to meet him someday.”

Jack whistles low, rapping his knuckles on the table before turning back to the bar, moving slowly enough he catches the way Bitty’s cheeks flare pink at the compliment.

About thirty minutes later, Jack, half focused on counting down the till, nearly misses Bitty’s exit. He looks up to offer a parting wave, and Bitty returns the gesture, flashing a shy, incomplete smile; one canine missing on the left side.

________

“Anything new to report? Sales look good, think you might be able to take some time off and visit your poor parents?”

Jack slides open a window to let some air into his bedroom, not for the first time wishing he’d taken the chance to tear out a wall and convert a corner of the top floor into a balcony. There’s still time — his father never seems to wary of giving Jack renovation loans — but Jack loves his condo and hates the idea of relocating again, even temporarily.

“New distillery opened, cut a deal on some local gin. We’re working on drink specials, if you have any ideas for names I’m open,” Jack eases onto the windowsill and looks down at the line of people waiting to get into the bar. “And I met someone. Think he might be a hockey player.”

“No shit? Beer-league?”

“NHL.” Jack corrects, an edge of caution in his tone he knows his father won’t misinterpret. “Started coming around a few months ago, gave me a fake name. Went to a game last week, scored right in front of me.”

“Well, you going to tell me who or am I going to have to guess?”

“He’s keeping to himself,” Jack holds the curtain steady to catch sight of a particularly flashy person in a glittering teal gown, texting Holster to snag a photo for the bar’s Instagram. “Don’t go hunting.”

“Well, if he needs any help you let me know.”

“What could you do?”

“I don’t know. Talk to . . . someone. I guess.”

“I’ll keep that under advisement.” Jack placates, smiling at the saucy photo Ransom texts back immediately of Holster lifting their favorite Drag Race runner-up above his head like something out of Dirty Dancing.

“So.”

“Mmm?”

“Does this mean you’ve got a little boyfriend, again?”

Jack leans out over the railing and tries to see if the universe has blessed him with a sighting of his favorite new Left Winger. Sadly, it’s Saturday evening and the Penguins are in Dallas, so no Eric tonight. 

“Working on it.” Jack offers, rapping his knuckles lightly against the window sill and trying not to think about the way Bittle’s face lights up when he sees that Jack is working. “Think I might really have a shot at something.”

“Well, you know what Wayne always says.”

“I do,” Jack breathes, pressing his forehead against the cool glass, taking in his one-of-a-kind view of the city. “I’ll let you know how it goes. Once he gets back.”

“ — You know, I’ve got the game on right now. I bet you $1000 I can tell who you’ve got the hots for. You have a specific type — ”

“Papa.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Thank you.”

“But it’s the kid we just got from the Blue Jackets, isn’t it. Bittle? You always like the fast ones — ”

“Goodnight, Papa.”