#gah! it's perf!

[adriancatrin]

For this ask game: Adrien, Char Noir, Mr. Banana

No for real: Toph, Nino Lahiffe, Jet

noooo not jet😭

i’ll take nino for lab partner, that seems like it’d be a chill situation all around. tho maybe i’m subconsciously picking this cuz he’s the only one i’ve seen in a school environment lol

toph in the elevator, let’s gooo. i think her and my personalities would clash like heck and i’d probably get Very annoyed, but hey, at least she’d have stories to pass the time with

ppfffjshsjsj which leaves stupid jet as my trainer at mcdonalds.. i hate jet so much you have no idea, but i figure i’m used to having crappy af coworkers and am p good at filtering them out of my head, so.. plus no matter how uppity and horrid jet got while training me, i always have the knowledge that we’re both working at mcdonald’s so. checkmate, boss, you’re just as unimportant as i am

thank u!!!!

[precious-little-scoundrel]

gah now i’m thinking about crosby’s “he was 19 years old” said in that awe struck tone about kenny because SMITH WAS 16?!?!?!?!

I love the little exercise i saw some genius mutual mentioning on here about trying to come up with a little Croz narration for each OC. What would their brief little intro and characteristics be?

Anyway I love that thought and this comparison to Kenny’s is perf

[sins-of-the-sea]

After a few minutes of attempting to swallow a larger pumpkin...

"AAAAH!! Phoebus, help him!!"

"-=Heal.=-"

Ruixiong revives... with the pumpkin still in his mouth. So he collapses again.

"GET THAT THING OUT OF HIM!!"

"GAH!!" Guy tries to pry the pumpkin out of Ruixiong's mouth, but it's very difficult to open it further. "Phoebus! Loosen his jaw more!"

"-=Loosen.=-"

"Perfe-!"

Oops. Guy put more force than is needed to open Rui's mouth wider to pry the pumpkin out. He ended up ripping the jaw right off its hinges.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH-" Now it's Guy's turn to collapse.

".....If I guzzle down bleach right now after what I just witnessed, will you not revive and heal me, Phoebus? I envy your state right now."

[papermint-airplane]

So, Angel...

Angel: Yes, Your Magnificence?

Ugh. Don't call me that. How do you think you did in the challenge?

Angel: Oh, I wouldn't presume to know. After all, your judgement is the most holy, ineffably perf--

Ok ok, geez, stop sucking up already. You're not going to get any special treatment, so knock it off.

Angel: I was just--I understand, Watcher. I will do my best to be silently faithful to you.

Yeah, please make the 'silent' part of that a priority. Anyway, you did fine. You were on the bull for 8.7 seconds, the second highest time of the group. So...yeah...good...good job, I guess.

Angel: *begins quietly hyperventilating with a big stupid grin on her face*

You ok?!

Angel: *nods and happily skips out of the room without a word*

I really need to have a word with the casting department. Of all the Sims in all the worlds, did they really have to pick a religious nutjob? Still...maybe I can use her devotion to my advantage...

Eleanor: What are you muttering about? Are you scheming?

Gah, when did you get here?! 😱

[Beginning] [Previous] [Next]

[showfallmediamaintenance]

[Video transcript begin.]

[The recording starts off facing a door from someone's shirt pocket. A metal hand is raised, ready to knock.]

?: [Quietly.] Alright, Mmmmman. [It is clear they were about to say something else.] You can do this. Just… knock.

[Voice identified: Edgar.]

[He knocks quickly, and the door swings open seconds later.]

?: HEY!

[Voice registered, awaiting name…]

[The person who answers the door has brown hair and hazel eyes, similar to Edgar. He looks ecstatic.]

E: JAMES! How have you been!?

[Name registered. Applying…]

J: WE’VE BEEN GOOD! Come in! I’ll shout for the others!

[Edgar is ushered in, and immediately there is a blur approaching him.]

E: GAH–

[The blur slams into him, sending him toppling to the floor. He starts coughing, and the blur stands, revealing themselves to be a short little girl with brown hair tied in pigtails. She pouts at Edgar.]

?: Where have you been! I missed you!

[Voice registered, awaiting name…]

E: Shit, I… I’m sorry, Lily. I’ve missed you too.

[Name registered. Applying…]

[Two more people approach, one with green and red dyed hair, and another with ginger hair. They both offer Edgar their hands, and he is pulled up. He turns to the person with orange hair first.]

E: Hi, Maxine.

[Name registered. Applying…]

M: Hey there.

[Maxine pulls him into a hug, Edgar can be seen somewhat tensing up. As soon as he pulls away, he turns to the other.]

E: Hello, Alex.

[Name registered. Applying…]

[Another hug. As soon as Edgar pulls away, Maxine looks him up and down fully.]

M: Mike… what happened to you…?

E: [Clearing his throat as he bounces back and forth on his feet.] It’s uh… Edgar. I remembered my name. And… It's a long story. But! I’m so happy to see you all again! It’s been too long!

Al: I– you remembered? How much?

J: Shit! I forgot to mention that! He– damn it. Ness told me and–

Al: James, shut. We need to catch up.

E: Before we do that, I– you guys have all grown so much! Especially you, Lily! You’re so much taller now!

L: Thank you! You look, uh. Um.

E: Different? Yeah, I… I know. Let’s go sit down.

[Edgar, along with the rest of the group, move to the couch.]

M: First off, Mi– Edgar. Sorry. Um… what the hell is up with the arm?

E: Oh, you mean Adam?

Al: You… named your prosthetic?

E: Well… he helped.

Al: Wh–

[The arm quickly detaches and jumps over to the coffee table. Startling everyone except Lily, who immediately picks him up.]

M: LILY! PUT THAT DOWN!

E: He’s harmless. Most he’ll do is–

?: Do you have a. Microwave.

[Voice identified: Adam.]

L: Yes! We do! [Lily gets up and runs away.]

E: That… uh, now that she’s out of the room… I can do a little more explaining.

M: Perf, uh… okay. Those bite marks. Who did that to you…?

[Edgar shifts uncomfortably in his spot, considering his answer.]

E: That… requires a bit of context. So… do you remember hearing about a new show called, er… ‘The Mechanics Lament’?

J: Yes…? I– oh. Oh god. Don’t tell me they–

E: Yep. That was me.

Al: And that other show being advertised?

E: Mhm. I… I’ll tell you all what happened in greater detail someday. Or… you could also just read through my stupid Tumblr. That’s an option.

M: … huh. I… I guess I’ll do that.

E: But, uh… yeah. No. These are from me. I got locked in a, uh… closet full of corpses. I had to, uh… eat. Them. And myself. I… saw Micah’s body. I–

[Multiple gasps are heard.]

M: YOU HAD TO WHAT!?

Al: THAT’S SO AWFUL, DAD– I– SHIT. SORRY.

J: Holy fucking shit, Edgar. I… that’s so messed up.

E: Uh, I… don’t worry about it, I’m… I’m alright. There’s a lot worse things that happened that I’ll tell you about some other time.

[A moment of silence.]

E: Um… what have you guys been up to?

M: Well, we–

[Phone battery depleted. Ending transcript.]

[Transcript end.]

[luveline]

GAH why is your work literally like therapy for me liKE FNDKDKS "“I can’t make myself what people want me to be,”" NOOO BC THAT'S LITERALLY WHY I HAVE TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS & I DIDN'T REALIZE IT UNTIL I READ THAT FNDJDN who knew a James Potter blurb could be life changing 😋✌️💀

I'm constantly at war with myself about this!! Like, why can't I just be what other people want me to be? I'd certainly have a lot more friends, but I think you have to remember that it's okay to be yourself! Even if others don't like it! Especially if they don't. Not everybody likes everybody and nobody's evil for it, we just gotta keep searching for our fit. and James would tell you over and over that ur perf

[thisgirllovesbobbydalbec]

Gah, how is Bobby so perf? 😍

[thedetectiveofinaba]

So I bought Ace Attorney artbook and found out that Mia looks stunning. She is beauty, she is grace, she will win the court trial and sass you in the face

[danfanciesphil]

I've bribed myself into doing the dishes and as a reward I could read the new gmat chapter. And after a whole day of lying in bed and feeling guilty for not getting anything done, it's progress! Also gonna attempt havig a shower if i have some extra time. Anyway, just wanted to thank you for sharing your writing with us :) love you!

oh god the guilt, you have time dw lol. im sorryyyy, it’ll be up soon!! xx

[cryptid-killjoy]

Bringing Valerie to Life From the Boxes under the Bed....

So, I struggle with how to represent Valerie sometimes since I can’t find the perfect face that has gifs. How to achieve the jet black hair, pale skin, pin up or heavy eye make up, the sweetness, the power when she gets bold, the right amount of girly without going over, that tad of rocker, especially when Flo’s not in full Val mode, but somewhere in the middle, a dash of no class vulgar or obscene, plus tattoos without being the full pretty little psycho of black haired Taylor Momsens like Porcelain Black? Not enough sweetness there. 

Amy Winehouse - (her origins of inspiration for Flo were vintage pin-up with tattoos) Her origins are a lounge singer, soulful and jazzy, Etta James shit, with bite. A dirty girl with sweetness, and the perfect house wife, aka: The Cool Mom.   

Radeo Suicide - (feels a little young in a lot of her photos, and the body type is a little off, but great representation on the dark hair, fashion, and pale skin with tatts, though Val has tatt free legs. There a naughty nerdness to Radeo that works)

Lana Del Rey with black hair ( works for the attitude and has some singer aspects to her gifts, but mostly that coquette middle finger up Val can have - no tatts and most Lana doesn’t work cause there’s very little of her with black hair) More gifs than most but still limited. Has the mature but also a train wreck and I’m a mental mess feel compared to a couple others. 

Cristina Scabbia is good t for that middle mode when Flo’s in girl mode and is more themselves. Total rocker. Not a lot of tatts, but still that pale face dark hair that’s her. She’s just not flirty and body type is off which throws some images off to me. Once image will be all omg Flo and the next is not even close. Limited gifs. However, Lacuna Coil’s lyrics are working for current Flo and def using their music as a them thing. 

Sammi Jefcoat - I really adore this model. She’s got tatts and the cutieness. But, she doesn’t have a lot of black hair stuff and limited gifs. But, the way she’s a cutie with those hair bows are so Valerie I love it. She wears rock tees. Valerie wouldn’t be worried about name brands like Gucci though. She steps it up a bit into Esme mode designer mode and that’s not Valerie. 

Saraya Bevis - when not in wrestling mode is so Valerie. She’s the closest but some gifs are on the young side, but perf skin and hair. Again, Val’s not a Gucci Prada gal, Val’s the gal that pulls off looks without being designer. But, this wrestler’s attitude is so perf with the flirty naughty and bad ass I’ll kick your ass shit while still being so girly. Not enough tatts, but LOADs of gifs. She has pit bulls I stare at and can pretend are Dug. lol. She and Sammi Jefcoat pull off her femme. 

Rebecca Ferguson - Very limited gifs and she’s not even got the right color hair, but in Sleep Doctor all I see is Flo. It’s in her power trips, that casualness while there’s a super villain lurking under there just waiting to be triggered. Rose the Hat’s fashions when chilling in their cozy forest house are very right, very outdoorsy, Stevie Nicks. That’s a thing the rest don’t have. I see a lot of Valerie in the character she plays in The Greatest Showman. But, wrong color hair. It’s in her chin. Very astute and absolute in her decisions, no room for grey, or the way she hold in hurt. Plus, the singing. No tatts. Limited gifs with appropriate hair. 

Now, if I could squash all these woman or roles they’ve played into one person that would be Valerie Laveau. Until then I guess I just use them all, whichever gifs happen to seem appropriate to mood of scene. If I did a bio for Valerie after FC would be a giant list, plus Andy Biersack. Like Ok. 

But, I’m really digging Saraya Bevis and will probs use her the most for the time being. But, don’t quote me on that. gah. 

[davecumstaine]

Rob Trujillo is daddy af and you can't convince me otherwise

[origami10]

Ajin ch 86 thoughts

Okay, it’s been a little bit! Thoughts and spoilers under the cut! (Warning, this is very long)

Writing this in a word doc because a) I don’t want to risk going on tumblr and b) I don’t want to risk the post getting deleted in the middle  [note from the end: this ended up being four pages long in a Word document, so I’m sorry]

Ahhhh, last time buying the digital magazine ><    Until... if... Sakurai starts publishing something new...

It seems kind of unfair not to have Ajin be the cover feature if it’s ending DX I guess they’re just starting with a new series, though. Is that how that works? (It has a main character with white hair so I might be interested...) It’s at the beginning of the mag.

Okay, yeah, pages 111-175.  Aggghhhh I’ve always put off reading the end of series, but I think this is the first one I’ve been up to date with when it actually ended. Promised Neverland was close.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ooh completely new characters...?????? whoops overshot the starting page by a few ughhhh it’s definitely the last one... I mean we knew that, but still..... OMG NO IT’S IZUMI AND TANAKA ISN’T IT??    jeez woah  I can’t wait to hear other readers’ reactions    [edit: yes this was about clover, and she recorded her reaction, which was beautiful ;u;] also omg they’re at least appearing together

omg Sakurai’s author’s note: “It’s very cold, isn’t it. Everyone, I hope you don’t catch a cold.”       YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT’S ENDING?

okay, so at least some time skip Tanaka: New identity, who dis Ooh, Izumi called Tanaka “anta” – the rude/familiar version of ‘you’, rather than the polite one. Honestly I don’t remember but it’s probably what she called him previously. And then turns around and called him anata the next page X’D  Okay, I’m glad that not being consistent is okay in Japanese, I always worry/wonder about that ooooh so Tanaka doesn’t have a new identity YET. I wonder how long it’s been?? omg Tosaki prepared it??    Was he thinking that far ahead? Or is he not dead....   ???  okay so he made it ahead of time     oh, and Izumi was the one who asked him for it??? Oh wow, Izumi has yet another change of identity. I wonder if she’s back to (omggg I forget D: her original name... Tainaka [hah]) Also another great shot emphasizing their height difference X’) lmaoooo I always love when there manages to be some humor oh, they’re only about three years apart! I wonder if that helps pin down the timeline at all??

Aw, Izumi still respects Tosaki lmao  “I’m going home.” “You really have places to be?”  Oh I guess that wasn’t quite it- she really was wondering if he was had a living location... so he has been kinda on the run ><    [Sakurai. Sakurai, happy ending. There is, right? Right?]

Oh dude I really didn’t think we’d get any resolution on that ship and like, idk if this counts as resolution but it sure looks like it does right now okay I’m really sorry but part of me is like ///we’re using so many of the remaining pages on this///  although oh I guess it’s only been 10 pages... it feels like so many since the chapters have been so short lately...

heyyyyy  I mean we kinda knew the U.S. ajin would be back or else what was the point of introducing them Ogura not being dead at the end of the series is extremely impressive (also hopefully Kai :prayer hands:  as in I think he survived) so Ogura didn’t tell them he was coming back huh ... with the crew??? :eyes emoji: lmao AND they thought he was dead, I’m cackling oh okay so they had heard he wasn’t dead the close up of Jim’s face reminds of Kai somehow I guess this manga isn’t so long (and the U.S. ajin left enough of an impression) that at least we’re not like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE “I’ll kill you!!” “Go ahead!!”  HA Winnn I think the people in this series need to get their idea of ‘fun’ checked I don’t really understand what he says in the bubble after that... I’ll have to check the English did he like, metaphorically die because he’s out of FKs? I’m not up on my cigarette brands enough to know if that’s an FK or not... I think it’s what the brand turned into...? oh no what’s this omg    is it gonna be Kai? Are they all gonna be in there? Kotobuki??   also this is already super sad that not everyone got out of jail free... unless they did and I’ll see... but also it’s realistic so all for the best I guess?  i have no idea OH HA I thought it was the juvenile detention center but it’s Takahashi !  o_o not entirely sure I understand what Takahashi says to the guard either at least everyone’s having... fun??? KAI KAI KAI    gahhhh this looks exactly like how ch 69 started and agh they’re both in juvie but ahhhhh they’re together??         I’m already scared to read and actually find out –o- oh wait they have dates to get out!  and they said plural ‘we’ “That was fast”  I feel like that panel represents what this chapter means to me somehow lmao they just want them to be not their problem anymore... that really wraps it up nicely, hilariously, and realistically I’m glad I’m not translating this because there are really a couple lines where I don’t completely understand them “something happened that day”  um, yeah WOW I did NOT think we were going to get an answer to whether Kai was an ajin now or not, but I feel like that definitively answers that question?????     also that’s terribly funny HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW KEI REVIVED HIM??       -punches a wall-  Kai’s whole personality is  ‘I don’t really remember that happening’  >_____________________________> Kei... gave Kai a reason to live... because he almost died...?      I still kinda have faith in this wrapping up well but GOD Kai is not a character to invest all your emotion into, laughs cryingly Kotobuki: “You literally never make any sense, man.” oh no “ano natsu” GAH

I just realized that this almost certainly means Kai and Kou never met. There isn’t enough keysmashing in the world to express my desire to throw my laptop at a wall right now

In no way shape or form did I ever expect to get closure on Akiyama, even on him getting out of the barrel

Manabe definitely stole whatever it is he’s holding but it was probably some kind of personal effects...?  [my powers of prediction suck most of the time] he really looks beat up now ;u; Izukyū-Shimoda... Win, that’s not where you traveled, is it?  Maybe I saw it on the Sunday NHK travel program... but it’s also the end of the train line and has ferries going out into the ocean islands.  Is he getting away, or going home.......? or to Hirasawa or something...?

well that was an extremely abrupt shift are they really shooting Satou up into space they’re not using him as a test subject are they that sounds like an even more awful idea than I ever could have come up with okay... oh jeez can we please please not have Satou be Captain America you just KNOW he’s going to make trouble again, ,, , , ,!!

oh jeez Eriko! I didn’t expect to see her but it’s nice! it’s really sinking in that that’s all the closure we’re going to get on Kai isn’t it Eriko tsundere as if that needed confirmed okay cool, so she’s out of the hospital (for now)

It does seem appropriate? Likely? That Kei didn’t go home. WE BETTER SEE KOU THIS CHAPTER oh, it’s fall   (or winter? Izumi said it was cold...) oh phew

Sakurai said RIP KeiKai shippers I guess....  but they still influenced each other so that’s still shippable even though they’re not together?  sigh not everything is so straightforward and I guess it’s good it reflects that

Kei looks happy enough was Kei working a blue collar job with Kou or something? That’s 100% unexpected Kou adorable omg what is his new name gonna be Also ;-; so they’ve giving ajin rights but everyone’s still staying undercover...? or Kou isn’t I guess, that’s sweet oh wow we admit Tosaki’s great     I guess last chapter’s statement that they found his remains must have settled whether he’s alive or not ‘iroiro atta na’  YOU THINK    also pretty sure that’s Kai’s line from the drama CD what’s with that Kei face??? OMG PERF       also that is scarily close to what I wrote in a fic, but also pretty much to be expected crap I guess at least Tanaka and Izumi are with each other? KAI’S MOON JACKET   WITH THE SMILIE       we really messed up characterizing Kai as the sun haha he’s out he’s out he’s out is he going to meet someone literally zooming out on everyone (like at the end of last chapter too) is kinda messing with me Like they’re still around and doing stuff but we aren’t (don’t get to) watch them anymore Kou saying ‘let’s all meet again’... my heart is warm ;0; LMAO

we can at least rest assured that everyone stayed in character

I can’t I can’t I can’t  [note, this was when I thought Kei saying ‘nah’ was the last page]

O MM FRICKING GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

omg Sakurai you’ve done it again bwahahaah a coworker hit him and is like ‘oh cool fine nevermind’ this is WAY more hilarious than I was expecting for this chapter How do I always forget that Ajin has so much comedy not remembering what page number the chapter ends on is nice

Tankobon releases May 7th in Japan Elizaaaaaa Kei’s got a Shion coat

alright uh well I guess that’s good, in a way, we still get to imagine whatever we want

Finishing it hasn’t sunk in yet, I’ve have to get back to you on that one.

[ill-skillsgard]

Alex really has the clearest skin how is that even possible, drop the skincare routine already king

Gah, yeah. He perf 👌

[haikyooot]

OMGOMGOMGOMG for the word search I got enemies to lovers + historical + fake date!! SCREAMING!! Imma need to read this fic or make it up in my head T_T hmmmm I feel like Atsumu, Suna, Oikawa, Sakusa or Kuroo would be perf for this

OHHHH I LOVEEE THIS TRIOOO!!!! I can 1000%%% see it with any of them, with like different twists on them. Enemies to Lovers is one of my ult. favorites. The moment you see that in tags and the character rambles how much they hate the other, and you’re just smirking like ooooh gonna be a CLOWN real soon. GAH mixed with fake date for like some spice and angst along the way? HISTORICAL AU FOR MAX AESTHETICS!?!?!? NONNNNIEEEEEE OMG I- I think you just helped me unearth something buried.....From a dead wip for either Oikawa or Kuroo (using Oikawa as a sample here, but my notes were Kuroo), vasttttly underdeveloped:

You know those tropes where there’s like an arranged marriage but only one party is aware of the other’s identity? Y/N is traveling to the capital to break off her arranged marriage to the son of the Oikawa family...and meets him along the way.

Y/N: “That pampered prince of the Oikawa family, I’ll be damned if I marry him.” Oikawa: “Is he really that bad? You can’t believe all rumors yknow” Y/N: “Oh I’ve heard enough! Absolute flirt, good-for-nothing, all of the red lights know of his name. H-How can he be any good other than soiling his family’s name?” Oikawa: “Ehehehe, when you put it that way...he does seem...kinda trashy...” Y/N: “Anyway, you’re a good guy, what’s your name?” Oikawa: “Oh...uhh call me....Hajime...”

Cue Oikawa full out falling in love and simping for her sooo badddddd but is afraid of telling her his real identity. And to remain undercover, so it isn’t weird that they are traveling together, Y/N suggests they play a couple. Oof, Tooru in a whole lot of pining. 

BUT BUT OHHHH 

the possssibiilitiesssss with everyone else OvO ohhh do you have thoughtss? omg omg teeellll meeeeee

[forestwater87]

Rate all the cc ships u can think of from favorite to least favorite

OH BOY okay so there’s … a lot. I might not hit them all so gimme any I seem to have missed if you care about my blatherings. :)

But okay, in order of fave to least (and I went with literally every one I can think of. There are a lot, so many we gotta put this shit under a cut):

Gwen/David: Okay, yeah. Obviously. These are my babies.

(They are incapable of being the grown-up at the same time and I am LIVING.)

I’m a huge sucker for any time a big tough girl and a sweet femme boy date because GAH cute, but I also feel like there’s so much fun to be had with these losers. Her obvious anxiety issues match so well with David’s own, and they have such different ways of handling it that there’s a lot of opportunities to bounce off each other and grow together. Besides, she’s levelheaded and seems to keep him more or less on-target, and while she hates this job she cares about him and wants him to be okay, and it just makes my heart melt when an apathetic character has an exception especially when that exception is a sunshine boy and ahhhhh the cute

It’s basically opposites attract, but with some weird connective tissue in the form of their few similarities.

Jasper/David/Gwen: This isn’t … this isn’t a thing, guys. It’s just some bullshit @hopefullypessimistic84​ and I made up because I ship her Jaspid and she ships my Gwenvid and so we smushed them together like Barbie dolls and made them kiss.

Doesn’t mean I love it any less, though. These three are cuties and I am a fan.

Jasper/David: They’re fucking soulmates. 

Besides, any relationship in which David is the bad boy is automatically too hilarious and sweet not to love. We don’t know a ton about Jasper — and therefore about their relationship — but I could not be more here for it.

Obviously this is either as kids before he died, or as adults in a world where Jasper lives and grew up to be a sweet 90s dood a la HopefullyPessimistic and @sinisterspooks​‘ AU; I’m not about that ghost-child-fucking.

Max/Neil/Nikki: I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know why it happened.

I just know I would die for this ship. 

(Also I’ve named it Makkiel and this is badass.)

Nerris/Preston/Harrison: I’m pretty sure this one is entirely the fault of @sakisketches​? I’m not actually confident these three share any screentime on the actual show, but I love everything Saki’s made for them and now I couldn’t be more here for it.

(Genuinely couldn’t find anything with just them, sorry!)

It’s the kinda ship that makes more sense the more you think about it. They’re the ones with the weird, esoteric, “useless” interests, the kind of things that’ve made them no stranger to bullying. They’re all very competitive, passionate, dramatic … I’d imagine their relationship would be one filled with a lot of clashing, but it’d also be big and bright and beautiful.

Nurf/Petrol: This is another ship that isn’t actually a thing, but @directium​ made me believe. Damn you for making me love Perf. They’re such big strong boys and they deserve better than their shitty camps.

Besides, tell me Nurf wouldn’t be able to understand whatever reason Petrol has for not talking and would be sensitive and able to communicate perfectly regardless. Just try and tell me that wouldn’t happen.

Nerris/Harrison: Honestly, this dropped a little lower on this list while I was writing it, because … Nerris is kinda a bitch.

Don’t get me wrong — Harrison’s a prick too, especially to poor Max. But this kid gets bullied and insulted by basically everyone at camp, and you’d kinda expect these two to stick together because … well, they’re the biggest losers by far (excepting Preston).

That being said, I could see them growing out of their rivalry into a sort of grudging admiration and continuing on from there. Plus tell me these two wouldn’t just be gorgeous when they grow up, in terms of fashion. They’d be the power couple of the century.

(Okay but I cannot let this slide: in what universe is Nerris the true magic kid? Harrison can do literal magic! How did he not win this argument the second he actually set something on fire with the power of his mind?!)

Nikki/Sasha: Another couple where one of them needs to become so much less of a bitch for this to work. But … I mean:

(legit the only picture I could find that they were both in, pfft)

The only thing I’m almost as much of a sucker for than the tough girl/femme boy pairing is the tomboy/girly girl pairing. And if Nikki could corrupt Sasha to the fun of being wild and … like, not just the goddamn worst, it could be adorable.

Gwen/Bonquisha: Okay but. How fucking cute would this be?

Look at that face! Look how starstruck she is! She’d be like a Chihuahua dating a Mastiff; Gwen would go around starting fights and Bonquisha would have to pull her out of them and/or escalate things. They’d be the instigators of so much drama and would watch trash TV and giggle and it’d be sweet as fuck.

And they’d make David’s life miserable in the best possible way.

David/Bonquisha: So that tough girl/soft boy thing I was talking about earlier?

Multiply that by like 200. 

The major reason this one isn’t up there with Gwenvid is that there’s not that much to Bonquisha, and while she’s absolutely the queen of my heart, she isn’t as well-developed a character. Also I think David would spend most of their relationship being terrified of her, because she’s scary and he’s very squishy and delicate.

Nikki/Neil: This one’s the fault of @ciphernetics​, who dedicated about 2 seconds to it in one of her fics and now I’m in love with it forever.

I could totally see Neil being captivated by Nikki’s energy and vibrancy, and she’d have so much fun dragging him along on her adventures. And of course there’s the fact that Neil’s so cautious and levelheaded that he’d keep her from going off the deep end and getting herself killed; they’re kinda like Gwenvid in that way, I guess? Boundless enthusiasm meets snarky cynicism and makes Forestwater cry.

Max/Neil: Despite the fact that there’s an author on Ao3 that basically ruined this ship for me forever, it’s hard to deny these two are either bromates or soulmates.

They get each other. They’re both highly intelligent, oddly protective of their friends, so married to their ideals that it leads to them being massive douchebags to said friends, and just so very sarcastic.

Harrison/Nikki: He’s got a massive crush, right?

And Nikki loves how he can basically (accidentally) summon adventure. Together they’d be unstoppable! Seriously, I’m not sure there’s two people here with such mutual admiration for each other and that’s really sweet. 

Good kids, equally morally questionable, and Nikki could protect him while he summons fireballs to entertain her. It’d be precious.

Max/Nerris: Blame HopefullyPessimistic for this one again. She believes in it hard and where she goes, I must follow.

The fact that these two are kinda abrasive and harsh makes them interesting. It’d be fun to watch them trade barbs — as opposed to the kicking-a-bunny thing Nerris does with Harrison and Max does with Space Kid and David (and Gwen, kinda). They’re well-matched in terms of intelligence and ability to throw shade.

Ered/Nikki: Okay, yes, Ered is manipulative and mean and Nikki’s blind adoration of her is very unhealthy. BUT:

They’d be the most badass couple ever. They’d go on insane adventures all the time, and since Nikki seems incapable of being hurt and Ered’s injured all the time, we’d get adorable things like Nikki carrying Ered’s wheelchair up a mountain and doting over her every time she gets hurt. 

They’d be the beautiful butches we need, and I could see Nikki’s bravery and loyalty really breaking through Ered’s seemingly cold (cool? Ahahaha I think I’m clever) heart until she’d actually stand up for Nikki instead of just using her.

Max/Nikki: Not really my ship (not without Neil to balance them out), but these two are adventurous in a way that Neil isn’t. They have an energy and creativity that means they’d keep up with each other long after anyone else would’ve passed out from exhaustion and pure “guys just fucking stop.” I can see why people like it, even if it’s not my thing.

(But seriously, why not add a Neil? Both of these kids would benefit from a nice, rational Neil.)

Quartermaster/Quartersister: I recognize that this should be at the very bottom of the list, and possibly not even on it for pure oh dear god no. But …

I’m sorry, they’re just too fucking funny. It’s sick and gross and wrong and terrible and god help me I love it so much. You get down with your nasty self, QM. And you murder-bang as many grizzled nasty sisters as you want. I won’t judge (much).

Neil/Nerris: I don’t … really see this?

I do think they could get along; they’re definitely the most aligned in terms of interests, and Neil’s so spindly that even Nerris seems badass in comparison. Besides, Nerris doesn’t seem like the type to have patience for a guy unless he’s falling down appreciating her awesomeness, so in a weird way they’re kinda suited for each other. (And she’d totally get him into nerd culture and they’d rock DnD together.)

Plus, he called her “the Cute.” More than once. That’s might sweet.

Max/Preston: Nope, I don’t get this one.

I have nothing against it, they just seem to … hate each other? And yes, I realize “they hate each other” was the basis for more than one of the ships much higher up on this list, but … okay, I never said this was going to be a rational and well-thought-out ranking. I’m just vomiting thoughts on a page here, and for some reason these two don’t really work for me.

I think part of it is that Preston seems very anxious and high-strung, and Max is laid-back, but in the kind of way where he’d get a total kick out of fucking with Preston at every opportunity. Which is funny, but it doesn’t strike me as sustainable. Max needs to learn how to chill or Preston needs to learn how to chill. At this point in the show neither of them have any chill and I feel like it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

Neil/Tabii: Let me just start by saying that I love Tabii to pieces. She is adorable and precious and everything I need.

Unfortunately, if Neil’s into girls Tabii is very much not his type, and I don’t see a way for this to work out unless Tabii … completely gets an overhaul of her personality? I love this for being sweet and funny and relatable (I can’t have been the only one who had a devastating crush on a boy in his “girls have cooties” phase, am I?), but I don’t see it ever actually happening, you know?

Ered/Dolph: This is a thing? Really?

I don’t have anything against it, I just don’t see what’s there. Dolph having some sort of hero-worship for her is plausible (and admittedly quite adorable), but I’m not sure what they have in common. This could be a case of tough girl/sweet boy, I guess, considering how soft and artistic Dolph seems to be, but I’d need to see them interact more to really have an opinion on it.

Campbell/David: Well, aside from the fact that Ciphernetics with her amazing talent makes me want to believe, I have to file this one under “holy fuck is that unhealthy.”

Because he’s just … the relationship would be absurdly one-sided, the weird age difference notwithstanding, and David’s feelings, assuming they aren’t pure “daddy issues” and extend to … ahem, “daddy issues,” are super confused and fucked-up and vaguely incestuous? (Yes, okay, I realize that this is super hypocritical considering the QM/QS thing, but … what can I say, Quartermaster is an exception to literally every rule.) 

Besides, I can’t help but feel that any relationship they’d have would be manipulative and neglectful on Campbell’s part, and Davey doesn’t deserve that. He deserves someone who looks out for him, and Campbell … is not that. 

Also though, the age difference. Ew. And the fact that Campbell tried to kill him. Double ew.

Daniel/David: I can’t believe I’m saying this for the second time, but I do not support David being with anyone who has murdered children, or has considered murdering children. Just sort of a dealbreaker for me.

On top of that (in case we needed an “on top of that”), he breaks David down into his greatest insecurities and uses them against him, and causes David to make the saddest face I think I’ve ever seen and I actually wanted to cry a little bit, and I cannot tolerate this. Daniel has lost all of my affection and I must hate him forever for emotionally devastating my sonsband in this way. 

So nope, really don’t like this ship; totally get why people like it, but it makes me squirmy in all the wrong ways. This has been very difficult for a couple reasons:

Daniel looks just like David. There is something exceedingly attractive about 2 Davids. Yes, I am garbage. Don’t judge me.

The fan art for this ship is so fucking good you guys! SO GOOD

Campbell/Gwen: Gwen deserves someone who knows her fucking name.

And who doesn’t hit her in the face.

And who isn’t wanted by the government.

Gwen deserves better, is what I’m saying.

Pikeman/Gwen: This could be cute in a Neil/Tabii sort of way, if it wasn’t for the fact that Pikeman seems really …

Really creepy. I’m not saying he strikes me as the weird cross-breed of “Nice Guy” and “date-rapey,” but he did kidnap and beat a child. 

A lot of the people at the bottom of this list are not very kind to children. And have egos the size of Mount Rushmore. And have weird hair poofs.

Counselor/Camper: So this is a fairly obvious one, for fairly obvious reasons. It’s illegal and predatory and gross, and I feel like David in particular would kill himself before he’d ever hurt a child like that, so it strikes me as out of character. (This doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of any of the campers having crushes on any of the adults; that’s cute as fuck. It’s the adults returning the attraction that’s a big fat nope.)

I feel like I should devote a little extra attention to the Max/David ship, just because it’s by far the most popular and in a weird way … I get it? Don’t get me wrong, it’s at the rock-bottom of this list for a reason, but like I said, there’s something sweet about a grumpy cynic and pure sunshine getting together; if they were the same age I’d totally see these two as a plausible ship.

That being said … they’re not the same age. More than the ick factor, I just don’t think there’s much there? I’ve heard people compare Mavid to Gwenvid, and with good reason (Max and Gwen are similar in a lot of ways), but the difference is that David and Gwen can relate to each other as equals, as coworkers and people going through the same general period of life, with the same level of physical and emotional development, and an ability to support one another.

Max … cannot do that. 

There’s a reason the “David adopts Max AU” is hands-down the most popular in the fandom, and it’s because Max needs someone like David. At least while he’s at camp, he needs a father, to be showered in unconditional love and affirmation. The thing is, though, Max can’t return that affection, not the way a partner needs to; he’s not emotionally capable of it. Because he’s a child. 

It feels really weird to spill this much ink to say “I don’t like this ship because one of them is 10 years old and one of them’s a freaking adult,” but Max acts so mature that I think it’s easy to forget how young he really is. He’s a kid, and he needs a dad. David’s an adult, and he needs a grown-up. Even shoving the whole “hey guys it’s pedophilia” thing aside — and I realize that’s a hell of an ask, since … yeah, that’s not easy to shove aside — it’s unhealthy and one-sided. Plus it requires David to be a lot more predatory than I’m comfortable with.

Okay, I don’t wanna end this on a downer note, so let me throw a shout out to some really awesome authors who’ve made shipfics that I melt over. In literally no order:

HopefullyPessimistic, “Finding a Family” – Jaspid

Ciphernetics, “You Have Someone That Loves You” – Gwenvid, minor Camvid, minor David/OC

@microsuedemouse​, “Second Degree Sunburns” – Gwenvid

funhousefreak, “Bound” – Makkiel

mrsilikemyself, “un año más” – Max/Neil, unrequited Mavid

adrianthealien, “Take the Stupid Flower” – Praxton (tbh, haven’t actually read this one yet, but it looks adorable)

phobiaDeficient (TheTriggeredHappy), “The One Where David Is In Over His Head” – Danvid, not actually Gwenvid but I squinted and saw some

HopefullyPessimistic, “Soulmates” – Marris

[thedetectiveofinaba]

Why does this game have so many wholesome and good characters. Gumshoe offered to take Phoenix and Maya to a good pasta place he knew after this case is over. He's a Cinnamon roll, too pure for this world.