#fyi I needed the break to make THIS MONSTER

[asksavel]

I finished it, now imma nap.

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Fyi I don't care how old you are, if you post any obnoxious banners in the main tags, you're no better than antis and should get the fuck out of the fandom.

There's a nuanced argument to be made about how Striker and Blitz would 100% be in the right about Stolas if this was real life, but you're watching a raunchy adult cartoon musical fantasy where all the characters are flamboyant hot macho dicks who sometimes break out into whimsical musical parodies of Disney.

If you wanna watch a mediocre lizard who's not as much eye candy be right about a cartoon monarchy, you can go watch Star vs. The Forces of Evil because it's already all been done before and the children have already been taught that lesson.

But adults don't need to be taught that lesson, and Helluva Boss is for adults, so why don't you shut up and let the adults watch the much more aesthetically pleasing and attractive evil demon lizard/owl/whatever the the fuck monster bimbo men kiss and be horrible hot mess trash to each other and then maybe make the fuck up so that the other one can have their Sinderella Story?

It's all a fantasy wrapped in aesthetically pleasing adult animation.

For Fun.

This isn't me implying children's cartoons are actually deeper than any adult content, this me telling you that you're annoying if you clog the tags with petty childish shit like this and need to leave the rest of the adults who actually know what we're watching in peace.

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

Comfort in a Family Dinner

Summary - Part 58 in the Comfort series

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader, Reader x Sam (platonic), Reader x Bobby (father-figure), Andre (OG Character) x Reader (best friends), Garth x Bess, Sam x Eileen

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

A/N: Sorry about the extended break, I ended up needing the week to recover from the trip and meeting J2 (the best weekend of my life FYI). If you ever get lucky enough to get the opportunity to go to a SPN convention, it’s definitely worth it. I loved every minute! But anyway, back to the story at hand…In my mind, the last chapter was gonna be the last one and then this week would be the epilogue. However, I love a good cliffhanger so I couldn’t resist. Looks like we get one more chapter with this lovely couple that I love so much.

While Dean finishes delivering the food to the table you go downstairs with Destiny to get the door. You discreetly check through the peephole in the door before nodding to your little girl and letting her twist the handle. You step back as she pulls the door open. 

“Hi, Uncle Sammy!” She says as she runs over to hug his leg.

He kneels down to her height and pulls her into a tight hug. “Hey Kiddo. You gonna give me a tour of your new home?”

Despite having seen the house when he helped move a few of your larger furnishings over, he hasn’t seen the full house in all its glory. Destiny nods enthusiastically and pulls away, but not before grabbing his hand to lead him upstairs. Sam smiles at you and nods in greeting as he’s pulled past you. You smile back as they disappear up the stairs before turning and locking the door.

Once you get back upstairs, Destiny is showing Sam her room, so you go out to the patio where Dean’s leaning on the railing looking out over the dark forest. You quietly sneak up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist. He stiffens for a brief second before placing his hands over yours on his stomach. 

“Hey, Sweetheart.”

“You feel tense, what’s on your mind?”

Dean spins around in your arms so he can wrap his arms around you and look you in the eyes. “Just a lot of changes at once.”

“You regret it?”

He shakes his head and kisses you softly. “Just adjusting. I am gonna miss the adrenaline of a good hunt. But, I’m where I want to be.”

“Once Sam and Eileen get their operation on its feet you’ll get to help them out. And it’s not like you’ll never hunt again. I’m sure the monsters won’t leave us alone forever. I just need you to come home safe. No more dying and being resurrected all the time. This family needs you. So, we just won’t seek it out. Plus, I’m sure we can find other ways for you to burn off your energy and get an adrenaline rush.”

“Yeah? Like?” Dean raises an eyebrow at you as he lets one of his hands wander over your ass cheek and squeezes lightly.

“Hey! You have company! We eating or what?” You hear Sam tease from the doorway.

“We were just waiting for you slowpoke,” Dean jeers back. He kisses you quickly before leading you over to the table and pulling out a chair for you. You smile at him gratefully as you sit down. He takes a seat beside you as Sam and Destiny sit on the opposite side of the table. 

“Nice place you guys got here. I’m really happy for you. You both deserve to get out and get a taste of normal,” Sam says as he fills his plate.

“Thanks, Sam. We’re still raising a little wolf, so I don’t know how normal it is,” you say as you smile at Destiny as she bites into her rare steak. “But we’re happy and it’s progress. We wish you all the best for you and Eileen’s venture too. We’re here, whatever you need.”

“Thanks. We’re still working out all the details. That’s actually why she couldn’t come tonight, she’s meeting with some other hunters with Bobby. We want to make the Men of Letters Bunker back into what it once was; a hub of activity and a safe home base for others who grew up like us.”

“You’re gonna be a great leader, Sammy. If you ever need a soldier…” Dean adds with his mouthful, “But you have to promise that none of you hunter buddies, or hunters in training will know about or come after our little monster here. Whatever happens, we will handle it ourselves, as a family.” Dean gives you a stern look to make sure you understand his threat and agree.

You nod before giving Destiny a reassuring smile. Sam nods too. “If you’re still planning to go ahead with that appointment in a few weeks, then I guess this is the only niece I’m gonna get. So, I won’t let anything bad happen to her. You have my word. Family comes first, you taught me that. And family don’t end in blood.”

A comfortable quiet falls over the table as you all eat in peace, having got the few concerns out in the open.

Once you’re all finished eating, Sam helps Dean in the kitchen so they can talk alone while you get Destiny washed up and tucked into bed. Despite her desperate pleas to stay up with you guys, you stay firm by bedtime. Werewolf or not, she’s a child and you plan to raise her as such. You kiss her forehead and switch on the nightlight by her bed before switching off the overhead light and closing the door. 

Back in the living room, Sam and Dean finish up cleaning the kitchen just as you come back to join them. Dean pulls you into his embrace the second you're close enough and kisses the top of your head. “She go down easy?”

“Nope, definitely tried her best debate skills. But it’s been a big day and she’s tired, it won’t take long.”

“Well, I’ll let you guys relax from your big day. Thanks for dinner,” Sam says.

“Anytime,” you say.

“Call first,” Dean adds as a warning.

“Of course. Have a good night guys, we’ll be in touch I’m sure.”

“You too, Sam. Try not to get too lonely in that big Bunker alone,” you say.

“I’ll be okay. Thanks.”

You and Dean walk him to the door and wait until his car disappears into the darkness before retreating back inside and locking the door behind you.

“Come on, let’s go to bed,” Dean says with his arm wrapped around your waist as he leads you back upstairs.

“Let’s take a bath first,” you counter.

Dean raises his eyebrow, “Or…We could try out the hot tub?”

“Sounds good to me.” You lean up to peck his cheek.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

A/N: Another shorter one to end us off. Let me know if you want an epilogue next week. I hope you’ve all enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. 

Tag list: (Leave a like or comment on this post or let me know below if you want to be added to the tag list for this series)

@bitchwitch1981, @muhahaha303, @justrealizedimmascifygurl, @mcdowell-123, @leigh70, @marvelsmarauder, @losa12308, @tapedeck-hearts, @luvjaida, @peachtxa, @ambearsstuff, @shadow-of-a-cloud, @slut-for-buck, @iprobablyshipit91, @sassy-pelican, @fallenlilangel99, @heavenlyhopeful0, @nelachu2423, @ladysparkles78, @canyouimaginethatstory, @mrlonelycat, @roseblue373, @staley83

[kalena-henden]

Lee Je Hoon's Chief Detective 1958 starts today. Can't wait to watch! I enjoyed him in Taxi Driver and really want to watch through his filmography eventually.

Lovely Runner is knocking my socks off! Byeon Wook Seok and Kim Hye Yoon are killing both the comedy and the drama. Wook Seok is the cutest loser in love! The mystery and unexpected twists are fun and interesting. I hope this quality storytelling continues. I'm on the edge of my seat.

I only have 3 episodes left of Love Me Love My Voice which has been wonderful and heartwarming. I love the main romance but the friendships and secondary romances have been given ample time to shine as well. I'm always here a good found family. I really like how the dramatic readings and song perfomances have been carefully woven into the story to further the character development. Definitely recommend.

Now we come to our debrief on The Smile Has Left Your Eyes. Whoa, what a rollercoaster. The first half was interesting with many characters' selfish and dark intentions mixed with a little mystery were set up in contrast to our optimistic, self-sacrificing female lead. However, the second half drowned in major events happening and then being dismissed as if they never happened, multiple secret keepers refusing to tell the secret multiple times an episodes even when asked point blank when the answers could stop so many bad things from happening, and the existential dread I felt about what the big reveal was going to be only for it to completely dismissed. (FYI I found out what I thought was going to be the big reveal IS the actual reveal in the darker Japanese version it's based on.) After episode 14, I wasn't sure I could continue watching the show. But after a night of uneasy sleep, I decided to finish it the next morning on double speed to get through it. I did watch the last 10 minutes at regular speed. While there were some well done things about their relationship in the second half, it couldn't save the show for me even though I went in knowing this was not an HEA. Overall, I was just left feeling angry and exhausted. As a Seo In Guk fan, this was a show I had long wanted to see, just to find out what my opinion on it would be. I'm sad that the SIG fanmeet has been post-poned, hopefully I will be able to make the next date. But this means I feel okay to stop my SIG show binging so I will not be watching Hello Monster anytime soon. I'm actually impressed with how much of SIG's filmography I've already seen (7 shows as a ML, 4 shows as a cameo, and 1 movie). I'm pretty sure it's more than I've seen any other kdrama actor or actress.

After a bad experience at the new dentist yesterday, where the hygienist manhandled my teeth and they tried to upsell me on services, I was in need of a comfort rewatch. I've been thinking alot about Lee Jun Young lately and decided to break out the first thing I ever saw him in, Imitation. I was only going to watch a few favorite parts from an episode or two and ended up binging my favorite parts of most of the series. lol I really hope his upcoming Cinderella romcom with Pyo Ye Jin is going to be good.

I slowly picked Vigilante back up again this week and was excited to see Lee Joon Hyuk's character finally emerge to add a boost of energy and chaos to the story.

Now that I've got some time and the second half of the series has finally dropped, I will continue watching Chae Jong Hyeop's Eye Love You.

[sluttygirly]

A lil about me

Hiiii, I'm an 18 year old girl in love with men and women older than me. Born to be a slut, forced to live in a conservative country 💔

☆ Also, as of right now, I do not send or post pictures of myself. I might post a tit pic or two, but that's it. I'm not that confident in my body and I need to lose a lot of weight before I might consider posting myself.

My kinks ⋆𐙚⋆

I have a lot of taboo and extreme kinks unfortunately, Daddy issues fuck up a girl lol. I don't think I can summarise my kinks into one single list, I'm way too messed up to have a normal or a short kink list. Some of my main kinks are:

Pro patriarchy

Pro misogyny

trad wife kink

daddy/Mommy kinks

Breastfeeding kink

humiliation/ degradation

A lil bit of bdsm

CNC

Cuck queen/cake

Raceplay (bleached only 🤍)

Knife and gun kink

Facesitting

Lesbian/bisexual

Dumbification

Monsters

I have so many more, but these are enough for now. All of these are fantasy (I think hehe). Just a fyi, I dip my toes in both waters—women and men both. I can't help being such a slut, i swear it's not my fault. Also, please don't be an ass, I can't handle that. I lean more into traditional gender roles for fantasy and therefore, I believe men need to be soft as well. I don't know if I'm making sense because little girls like me tend to not make sense, but I just want softness as well. Ofc I believe men are superior and have the rights over our body, but still I need men and women to be both soft and mean to me. I'm sorry if this is incoherent, I'm just a girl.

THINGS THAT I AM NOT INTO AND THIS IS LIKE MY BIGGEST ICKS AND IM SO SERIOUS ABOUT THEM

Scat

Puke/vomit etc

Beating/physical abuse

Feedeerism or any romanticism of obesity/overweight

Fat or body shaming

No after care (that'll just break my tiny lil heart)

Raceplay that isn't bleached

Pedophiles/Actual Racists/Actual Misogynists

Too much strictness or just straight up harassment

Dick pics

Stalking

This entire blog is a fantasy. None of the things depicted here are real. This is an 18+ blog minors do not interact in any way or you will be reported and blocked. Older men and women pls do interact ♡

[pancake-breakfast]

Now that Bluesummers is back on the playing field, I'm a bit scared of what's to come. He better not hurt my precious Livio.

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for TriMax Vol. 11, Chapters 5-6 below.

Chapter 5: Get Ready, Get Set

HAhahahahahaha, Knives is double-D's....

Chronicaaaaaaa!!! I've been waiting to meet her since I heard about her in Stampede! Look at her, sitting there all pretty with her hot tea.

"This kind of problem"? This suggests they've dealt with it before, or at least have taken the possibility of it into consideration.

Well, if fusing with other plants gets around the black hair phenomenon, then Knives should be fine. That's... a... good thing....?

Yeah, I'm beginning to think the dependent Plants are legit trying to overwhelm Knives with their own consciousnesses to sort of save him without killing him. Kind of like what he's doing, except there's a LOT more of them, and they're a LOT less violent.

Uhhhh... did this guy just lob a coin at them and then... die??

LOL, Vash is being way too dramatic about this. You can't tell me that, in all his years on a planet with a decreasing population, he never learned to recognize a dead body.

LOL, random question about clams vs. fish. Where are they getting either of those on this planet? From Plants??

Ohhhh, Zazie. That explains a lot. Zazie's done with Knives right now. And since Zazie's worms, being shredded up by Legato isn't exactly gonna stop them.

I like the little worm halo. You know, so we know it's dead.

LOL, panic and descending chaos. I approve.

LOL, EVERYONE is crying. Worm panic causes tears.

I wonder if Stampede will introduce control worms or if they'll just stick with the extensive spy network.

Dude, Meryl and Milly did a thorough search of the device and didn't realize it has an audio playing function embedded in it??

Wait, he's connected to Legato now?? That's so impractical. What if Legato was still in a coma? Or taking a leak? Or had his mouth full of beef that he was slurping up??

Also, whyyyy does he have a new weird iron maiden puppet thing?? Do I want to know? I feel like I don't want to know.

Man, I get Vash's depression over this. But Livio is here to cheer him on!

Oh, gosh, Livio.... You aren't a monster, my friend. You're just a person.

"That bitch"? Strong words. Does he mean Elandira?

Ah, yeah, he does.

I... do not know if Livio can actually handle Elandira. She's pretty unhandle-able.

Ok, this right here is a good moment for Livio.

LOL, did Vash hurt his hand giving Livio a friendly pat?

Vash is the resident Plant expert here.

DIY explosives. Not concerning at all. Luida looks ready to smack him if he gives the wrong answer here.

Wait, Luida hears the voices of the Plants? What does that mean??

Ohhh, NM, that was Vash speaking.

"Is it possible for something created by humanity to completely break away from their creators?" Let me direct you to Exhibit A: Vash the Stampede, and perhaps more convincing Exhibit B: Millions Knives. Yes, I realize there's room for debate on how much either of them have "broken away," but they definitely have a will that is independent of the will of those who created them.

Ohhh, these are Plant thoughts. That makes them a LOT more significant.

Aww, Vash calling the Plants in the arc "the girls."

How the hell is Vash gonna keep both Knives and Legato in check? That didn't work out so well for him last time.

OMG everything about this. Thank God these two are finally hugging it out. They need this.

Milly telling Vash that Meryl can still get sad. Good on her. Anyone can still get sad. Being able to get sad isn't a sign of weakness.

Ugh, them kissing their fists and then bumping them. This is why people ship these two.

"Who's that helping us? Vash the Stampede, you say? Hmm, sounds familiar, but I just can't place it." Something something social strata. This guy's never been low enough on the totem poles to keep abreast of bounty hunter knowledge.

FYI, the untranslated Japanese across the top here is basically, "What the hell?!" or "What was that?!"

Ohhhh, that stupid-ass military general doesn't look like he's prepared to comply.

The Earth forces are not happy about Knives. Including Chronica.

Aaaand Livio's hunted down Elandira. I'm sure this will go smoothly.

Chapter 6: That Which Can Be Protected

Why do I feel like this volume is gonna end on a major cliffhanger?

Oh, hey! Baby Livio!

That's right! You've protected others before, and you can do it again!

What, you guys just gonna stare at each other all day? I mean, that's not necessarily bad. I'm just asking.

She looks kinda sad.

That... is one giant nail.

Yeah, she's pretty scary. The only thing that gives Livio a chance here is how crazy his regenerative ability is.

How did she know where he would stand so her nail landed in the right spot?

TBH, Elandira doesn't seem to like most people, regardless of gender. Have we met anyone she likes? She tolerates Zazie and Wolfwood, and didn't seem any more positively inclined than that toward any of the other Gung-Ho Guns. She hates Legato. She's dedicated to Knives, but she doesn't seem to like him. He's her boss and is gonna take her to Armageddon. It seems more transactional than anything else.

Ooh, low blow, Elandira. Very in character for her, but... but... I, the reader, don't want to hear people insulting Wolfwood like that.

Mmmmm, this is not a secluded fighting spot. That's... problematic.

"I was going to let you go because we're all going to die anyway." Hahaha, she's such a nihilist. I would have loved to have seen her in a more casual, less murder-ful setting. She would LOVE running her own drag bar, I think.

Hahahaha, all the random civilians being like, "You guys are too rowdy! Get out!" Good for them. Also, they clearly don't know who they're talking to.

Noooooo! Stop hurting my Livio! He needs to be protected, not FILLED WITH GIANT NAILS!!!

Ok, this is interesting. It sounds like some part of her wants to hope, or maybe did hope at some point in time, but the world beat it out of her a long time ago. She sounds... like Livio in the Before Times.

Man, I thought that looked like a nuke, but I didn't want to assume something about this world's tech like that.

How did she get the key for the bomb??

Hey! I recognize that hat!

Awww, of course he was protecting kids! And now these kids are gonna have the kind of trauma one gets from seeing someone who was trying to protect you brutally stabbed through with a bunch of nails.

Aww, Livio's decided kids are cute. Good for him.

They just met him and they're so worried about him! Oh, I think I should probably be worried about him, too, but for some reason I'm not? IDK, I just think he'll pull through.

See? He's fine. And apparently about to try to adopt half a dozen kids.

Oh, they have a mother-type person. Good. Livio's life's a bit dangerous right now to be looking after a bunch of kids. Maybe when things settle down.

He seems hesitant to accept this gift, but he also knows this act of gratitude is important to her.

Hahahaha, this little hat kid is determined. Scared, but determined.

Oh, man. When do you think Livio last felt his heart soar? This is giving me the feels.

Ohhhh shit, it's his old crush! Also, six years my ass.

Hmm, not so cliffhanger after all. Nice.

Archive

Trigun Vol. 1: Covers + 1-3, 4, 5-6, 7-8, 9-10 || Vol. 2: Covers + Extras, 1, 2-4, 5-6, 7-8

TriMax Vol. 1: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 2: Covers + 1, 2-4, 5, 6-7 || Vol. 3: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-7 || Vol. 4: Covers + 1-2, 3-5, 6-7 || Vol. 5: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 6: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 7: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 8: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5 + Bonus || Vol. 9: Covers + 1-2, 3-4, 5-6 || Vol. 10: Covers + 1-3, 4-5, 6-8 || Vol. 11: Covers + 1-2, 3-4

Extra Credit: Trigun Vol. 1: Nebraska vs. Vash's Motivations, Vash's Loneliness, Vash's Depression (pt. 2 of post), Soupy Brains || Vol. 2: Coin Factoids || TriMax Vol. 1: Lina, Vash, and a Haircut || Meryl, Vash, and the Pursuit of Happiness || Vol. 5: Knives, Vash, and Hatred for Humanity || Vol. 6: Coping Series: Wolfwood, Meryl, Vash || Vol. 8: The Uncoordinated Counterattack || Vol. 9: Justice, Punishment, and Mercy, The Tolling of an Iron Bell || Vol. 10: Crucifixion Symbology (pt. 2 of post), Merging of Families, Being Childlike (And Why God Hates Chapel)

[kawaii-butt-crust-core]

Rise of the TMNT headcanons because I feel uhhhsodk emotions or something

Warnings: anxiety , gore mention, trauma/PTSD mentions, kidnapping, yelling mentions, claustrophobia mention, if I missed any please lmk ‼️‼️

Donatello ( my favorite hands fucking down )

LOVES "it's always sunny in Philadelphia" and relates to Dennis wayyy too much

( also made a joke about how splinter is frank and he was actually cool with it )

Likes those HYPERBOP and songs like that

At 5am and raph is waking up for the day and he finds Donnie in his room fully awake

"Ive been up for 3 days everything is haunted everybody's evi-"

He also likes twentyone pilots

House of gold, taking my time on my ride, and car radio are his favorites

Actually hates monster ( like the drink ) but he has a can in his room from 2020 that he just poured out for decoration

( honestly I can't even really hate on it I think 2020 just ruined it LMAO )

Has no blankets. Sleeps with a single sheet and a unwashed unsheeted pillow.

Is one of those people that people mistake for way older

Yokai thinks he's at least 18-20 and get so freaked out finding out he's actually just 14

( he loves the attention )

He actually likes HOMESTUCK 😭

( this is based on my friend who likes Homestuck and they remind me of Donatello to some degree )

Has a fan that hasn't had a break since 2016

Maybe longer

Has seasonal depression

He likes to be with April or doing something during the winter because of it to distract himself

April and raph are good with helping him

Leo knows but he knows to just stay out of his way and leave him the fuck alone

And Mikey hasn't really been told because Donnie feels like he's burdening people with his problems ( he didn't even want Leo to know but he just caught on )

He even feels guilty for dragging April and raph into it

Him and Mikey LOVE LOVE LOVED spiderverse

( Donnie got the movie illegally before it even came out )

This mother fucker definitely fell to his knees for spider punk im so sorry

This same mother fucker also probably loved Danganronpa...

He doesn't really like southpark but some episodes get to him

LOVES GHOSTFACE

TO ANOTHER LEVEL

NO ONE CAN LOVE GHOSTFACE AS MUCH AS HIM

Actually probably has purple injected into his veins

"yeah my veins bruise in the blink of an eye and I can't move my body sometimes but so what? It was worth it??"

hates on dream so hard....

DONT HUG ME IM SCARED AKWNWJJF

ALL OF THE BOYS WATCHED IT ( maybe not raph tho actually )

He actually made discord ( idk if I'm even joking or not )

Would this be a good time to add a picture of what I think human Donnie would look like?

Uhhh yeah

Yeah I think so

Ok next

Leonardooooooooo

Just fyi this shit is gonna be so angsty

It will dip I promise

He can't get enough of those "drake the type" memes

But also low-key he is drake

Has a hello kitty clock in his room that actually works for him

He was that annoying ass kid who would say "I can scream like a girl" and then scream to the top of their fucking lungs

The ADHD was tooo muuchhh

So he just basically climbs walls who cares

He's on the ceiling? What's new.

Ok so spieerpunk had don to his knees but Leo was all for Miguel

" NOOOO MY SPIDER PAPIIIII- " *splinter right fucking there*

Daddy issues just crawling out of all of their skin ANYWAYS

Can't draw for shit but loves art

The way he words things makes him sound like a complete gaslighter but he's just stupid

"?? I don't gaslight?? HUH no seriously what did I do?"

The Mario movie possessed him for a while tbh

DIP!

even hours after him returning from the prison realm he was dissociating so bad he was crying to feel something

Just a few weeks later, he isn't better yet by any means he's just ok enough to function

Someone dropped a plate or something ( I probably need to rewatch the scene before I make headcanons for it LMAO ) or dropped a pot, something loud

And he practically went down with it

He fell to the floor and stayed there for a bit

He didn't cry or say anything

Then Mikey tapped his shoulder and he fucking SNAPPED

He will never forgive himself

🫶🏼

The CRUCIAL NIGHTMARESS

*rubs my hands in evilness*

He could feel the same AIR as the prison realm at times

He smelt the same scent

Raph, draxum, and Casey had to sleep in the same room for a while so they would hear him

But sometimes he didn't loudly jerk himself awake

Sometimes it played through and he woke up and didn't make a peep

Sometimes they knew and sometimes they didn't

Most of the time one of them would just wake up because of instinct and see him just frozen

Can't handle gore now

He used to but can't anymore

It reminds him of 1

The kraang

And 2

Seeing his brothers eye all fucked up like that was too much

There were times he didn't even know who he was anymore

He was scared to leave his room for a while and felt such bad guilt for it

While they're out on a mission and Leo's just curled up in his room blowing up raphs phone

Raph wishes he could say something like "oh how the tables have turned" but this isn't what he wanted at all

Uhh ok sudden switch up

HE LOVES BO BURNHAMMMM

Him and Don and Mikey listen to Will Wood

SHAYFER JAMES TOO

JUST THOSE TYPES OF ARTIST

Mixed with late 90s to early 2000s

"erm.... what da flip ;-; NO STFU IM JUST KIDDING STOP BULLYING ME ITS A JOKE-"

Him if he was a hummmaannn

+ maybe some scars on his back

Raphael

Blind in his one eye and low-key has bad eyesight in his other one

He can still see decently but it's pretty much fucked

He likes squishmellows but he knows Mikey LOVES them so if he buys/ finds one, he'll give it to Mikey

He's more of a "childhood stuff animal nostalgia" anyways

Doesn't like to cuss but if he's REALLY scared, he'll let a loud and quick "FUCK -" slip out of his mouth

Or if he's angry hell mumble "this bitch-" or something like that

He feels like he's not doing enough as a brother but genuinely forgets that he needs to take care of himself

Not physically but more so emotionally

He beats himself up when making a mistake even if it was out of kindness

He doesn't think things all the way through and just immediately jumps to "I wanna help people!"

And ends up making a bigger mess so he feels like a bad person

( people have reassured him he's not but he plays back how people get mad at him when he messes up and he doesn't know how to forgive himself if someone got THAT mad at him )

He sometimes just gets this burst of love and just hugs one of his siblings or friends

I think he doesn't develop feelings easily ( infact it's kinda hard for him to, not in a bad way )but one time there was a yokai, about his size, and they really enjoyed each other

He didn't tell anyone but he got her number and they still talk and he might have small feelings for her

The reason he hates being alone because it's a PTSD thing ( that only got worse after the kraang thing )

( he was alone and in danger for most of the movie, the only reason he wasn't freaking out because he knew if he did he was fucked )

And he got possessed before he could even lose his shit

But basically I think he got kidnapped by a hunter and held him captive ( either chained, or in a cage ) for 2 days before splinter found him

( yes they searched for him for 2 days )

The hunter would shoot his gun next to the cage ( or restraints ) he was in to purposely mess with him

And if he cried he would get in his face and start yelling until raph forced himself to stop crying because of fear

It was traumatic

Splinter has his own trauma from losing his fucking kid for 2 days, but it still fucks with raph badly

He still remembers it so vividly that it feels like it had only happened a week ago

So add that in top of the kraang doing what they did to him.....

He was only holding it together for Leo tbh

He can't go to certain areas or he'll start to hear the hunter yelling in his face again, like a hallucination

It's gotten a little bit better over time but the kraang set him so far back

He was also already claustrophobic, but if anyone tries to hold him down now he just immediately throws them off

And hard

Anything that really reminds him too much of the past he just starts freaking out

So he doesn't like to be alone :)

I could do a separate post for this maybe

But moving on

Any early 2000s song from anyone or any 2000 themed song is his SHIT

They did a karaoke night and he did Brittany spears ( yes I know that's like late 90s but yk THAT CATEGORY )

He put on a blonde wig tho and was actually kinda feeling it at some point

He LOVES walking around at night

Just strolling

He loves food. He eats everything

There is nothing he won't eat

He just loves everything

I forgot his scar sadly but here 😔‼️💔

( the nose piercing is fake he's too scared to get one HELP )

Mikey:

This lil shit STEALS

HE USES HIS INNOCENCE TO HIS ADVANTAGE

And I sleeps fine at night with all of it in his room.

ADVENTURE TIMEEE

he loves cartoons

Adult cartoons, children cartoons

If it's animated he wants it injected into his spinal fluid

His music taste is everything

But he really likes indie / indie rock songs

Has all of his art and drawings hung up on his walls

There's maybe one or.two posters he actually bought the rest is his art

Loves spiderverse but he couldn't even enjoy it because he kept looking at Leo crazy with this out of pocket comments

"I wanna pick him up like a baby lion and wash him and feed him milk and release him back into the wild"

"*deadpan* Leo. What the actual hell."

Draxums favorite. Only Mikey knows he's his favorite. If anyone asks drax who his favorite is he says he hates everyone equally and looks over at Mikey

Speaking of drax I think they're vent buddies

Drax vents to him Mikey vents to drax

Drax was very helpful with all of them during the time they were all fucked up from kraang

He even got them into therapy but I'm gonna make a draxum section because I love him ( I lied he's my favorite character, then Donnie)

( God I love drax and Mikey so much let me go on a rant rq )

Apart of draxs training he could definitely pass as a licensed therapist

So if really anyone has some sort of mental thing going on he's there

Even for Leo ( even tho Leo didn't really want his help, that quickly changed tho, again I'll just put this in his section✨ )

But Mikey has these really bad panic attacks that even his brothers don't know about

Only splinter and drax

Splinter is there to comfort him and drax is there to let him talk about it

Mikey doesn't want his brothers to know because he's technically the "therapist" so splinter and drax will never tell anyone

Watched MSA just to make fun of it

Also says cringe shit because he thinks it's funny like Leo

"GYATTTTT....... Y'all know I'm joking right-"

Loves Lilo and stitch

Has an art Instagram with over 1000 followers

LOVES SPICY FOOD

He ate the spiciest chip and then asked for another

Loves spooky month

Fought leo for that damn hello kitty clock

Then stole it

" I'm in your walls :3"

He ate a like 2 handfuls of orbeez when he was 5 before splinter caught him

HUMAN

Draxum:

MY ACTUAL FAVORITE FUCKING CHARACTER AAAAAAAAA

YES I absolutely believe he could qualify as a therapist and he absolutely uses that to his advantage

Leo was still "ish" about draxum but he became a lot more appreciative of him during the times that raph and Casey couldn't be there ( like missions )

He even took time out of work to be there

If he called? He's already almost there

He absolutely a mom IDC he even has the messy mom bun

Mikey calls him dad and that's part of the reason he's his favorite

"honey, it was ruined when she bought it *snaps*" ( I'm sorry ) ( I have to draw this now)

LOVESS BLANKETS

Like all the blankets

The resting bitch face is so real

He has to be leaping for joy happy to maintain a happy face

Goes to Donnies room and tells him to lay his ass down ( he doesnt )

Sends millennial memes to the boys....

*insert a cat smashing on a piano* he's wheezing.

Him and Mikey paint together sometimes

Because he can actually paint super fucking good

Scars all around his body

HUMAN FORMMM

Thats all ill probably make more for April and Casey and splinter

[alexandra-again]

Wearing masks forever, for the rest of our lives, is NOT "a few small inconveniences", "a slight inconvenience" or "a tiny change". I'm autistic, and *really* need freedom, both as an autistic trait (sensory and/or in the way that many neurodivergent people have something that we just *can't* get over, that doesn't matter as much to most people), and because of my childhood as a special-needs kid in Australian suburbia (at mainstream schools with integration aides, fyi). I was constantly restricted in the name of safety, strictly controlled with "the cat never being away", and told that I was selfish or "not being fair on others" for breaking the rules or needing more freedom than they were willing to give. Unlike many allistic people, I don't rationalise and come to support new restrictions that I originally opposed, and often grieve for freedom lost and/or denied. I could barely cope during the height of the pandemic, when masks were mandatory and, as a Melburnian, I had to sit through multiple months-long lockdowns. I never really sought any kind of medical exemption (though my therapist was willing to give one).

For me, masking, and "COVIDSafe" (an Australian term) in general, are inherently suffocating, traumatic and a source of grief. Having to wear a mask *forever* would probably eventually drive me to suicide. All this "wear your fucking mask" discourse, shaming and judging people who don't do so and even describing it as "eugenics", is INTENSELY triggering for me, seemingly demanding my martyrdom, that I submit to endless suffering and agonising grief *forever* to save others' lives. It seems to force me to choose between being a martyr and a monster, to demonise my needs and not consider them valid. It has made me feel alienated from and rejected by both Tumblr social justice culture and the disability justice movement, even though I experience and suffer from ableism. My own rights movement seems to demand my martyrdom. It makes me feel shame, that just *being* and living your life is evil, murderous eugenics, and that my needs are bad and wrong and murderous. Abled society's never really accepted me or my need for freedom or considered it valid either.

Indeed, in the wake of the pandemic, parts of the disability justice movement at least seem not to consider the need for freedom to be valid. They sometimes seem to see freedom as a privilege rather than a right or valid need- for them, to be disabled is to be inherently limited and restricted, which they already are, and everyone should just learn to live without freedom to save their lives. They value safety, community and interdependence, not freedom. So did the institutions of my childhood, which constantly punished me for not fitting in. Though I do acknowledge that other parts of the disability justice movement focus more on freedom- indeed, the concept of "dignity of risk" first came from the disability sector.

Even exempting me and other disabled people with competing access needs (whom these people rarely acknowledge or validate btw, and sometimes even seem to outright dismiss) from this "wear your fucking mask" rhetoric, judgement, shame and rejection isn't necessarily much comfort to me, or very validating. It means that most people's way of *being* and living their lives, which they do every day, is evil, even if they're not evil themselves (which would be very easy to think), and that I myself depend on this evil to meet my needs (remember that abled society doesn't really accept my need for freedom either). It also demands that I see most people, and their reasons for not masking, as being completely unlike myself and my own, which I could of course never persuade them of without looking and feeling like a hypocrite, and which I can't fully believe either. While people here insist that masking is only "a few small inconveniences", "a slight inconvenience" and "a tiny change" for most people, it actually causes enough people, at least, genuine pain, suffering and grief. It doesn't just feel suffocating, but also demands that people hide and seemingly censor what is, for most though by no means all people in our society, their very identity (think about the metaphorical implications of masks and masking). I feel that I can't be me in a mask, and I doubt that I'm the only one.

While most people likely don't suffer as much as I do from masking, they describe abandoning it as "getting on with their lives" and "living their lives". While this may seem callous to those who can't afford to catch COVID, it definitely suggests that they experience masking as more than just "a few small inconveniences", which wouldn't really stop you from "getting on with your life"? Am I wrong to take this in good faith, when so many people dismiss it as mere ableist whining and "throwing disabled people into the garbage"? Even many of the disability justice activists I've mentioned seem to touch on how masking is a genuine source of pain, grief and more than "a slight inconvenience" for most people.

Ultimately, the only way that I can feel OK, accepted and acceptable, without shame or doubt, is for it to just be OK not to wear a mask. Prominent disability justice activist/theorist Mia Mingus argued (albeit back in January 2022, during the big Omicron wave of COVID) that disabled death should not be accepted for "abled life", and that "You are not entitled to our deaths". But are she, and the other people I've been talking about, entitled to my, and others', agony? There's a limit to how much you can force on and/or hurt people, even to save other people's lives. For example, you can't force people to donate kidneys, bone marrow or even blood, because bodily autonomy can't be violated even to save other people's lives. This is also the current predominant pro-choice argument. Forcing people to wear masks and be COVIDSafe *forever* might not be an obvious violation of bodily autonomy, but it can still cause genuine pain and suffering.

I won't feel accepted by (parts of) Tumblr social justice culture and the disability justice movement until they stop seemingly demanding that everyone wear masks *forever*, preferably by mandate, and judging people for not doing so. Thanks for coming to my TED talk 🙂

[luckyshotwrites]

Ch. 38 // My Hold // Day 23

Contents (Warnings): Lynette's very excited for movie night, until she has a heart breaking reminder. (very light vore mentions, the feelies, a slight bit of angst and seriousness).

Wordcount: 1316 (short chapter, I know, I'm working on the next which a day will be skipped, FYI).

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(Oct. 8th, Saturday (After Festival))

There was dancing, sparkling displays, and a lot of cheer as things ended. We didn’t have to stay and clean up, though Edgar made Alexander and Drake stay. June happily volunteered with Claudia and Tila, who looked to make a competition out of it. The rest of us left.

And Viola watched over me as the rest of us were leaving.

Viola handed me the bags I gave her on the first day, all the gifts and clothes Zilla and Lev helped me pick out. 

We passed many of the other places that were already closed or returned to empty lots of dirt. Looking back, I thought how crazy it’d be for all of this to soon be gone. 

At the exit, there was a line. A lot of monsters were leaving, going back into their human forms. The monsters that hadn’t let the beings they ate go had to stop at a tent nearby and do that. There was a slight ruckus at the gate because one monster refused to let someone go.

I tried to pay little attention to that once we went over the gate. Sandra patted each head the best she could. She counted us like we were her little ducklings.

I tugged at my wristband, taking it off and putting it in one of the gift bags. I didn’t think I’d need it from here on out. It would stop working tomorrow anyway.

“I hope everyone enjoyed their time,” Sandra muttered as she turned her back to us. She raised her shoulders, and after a minute or two, she dropped them. The portal opened, and she went through it. 

The others followed suit, talking amongst themselves. Viola gave me a happy smile and a pat, ushering me ahead. 

I went through it. A sense of dread entered my body once I was back in the halls of the pizzeria. My tribulations would continue as usual tomorrow. 

It was a nice break while it lasted. I thought to myself.

I said goodbye to everyone to avoid lingering and left. I checked my phone; it wasn’t even ten. 

Wicks: Can’t wait for movie night! 🥰🍿 9:25 p.m.

Lynette:🍿! 9:51 p.m.

I should get us some snacks! I said happily in my head.

I stopped at the store on the way home. I brought two big bags of caramel corn and all their finest, fizzy pleasures.

When I got home, I groaned aloud. “Is someone having a party?!” Our parking zone was filled. I sighed and had to park further away. I got out, looped my lanyard around my neck, got my duffle back on my shoulder, then shopping bags in one hand and the gift bags in another. 

I struggled to carry them. I closed my truck and locked it.

I walked all the way around, then squinted at the parking lot again. “Of course! Now there’s a spot!” I exclaimed to myself aloud with a giggle.

I struggled to open the glass door with my card, and luckily a sweet old lady opened it for me. I huffed up the steps with my quaking arms. I’m almost there. Come on, Lynette, you can do this! I cheered. 

I banged into the door, unable to lift my arms high enough to get my key when I bent over. 

I exhaled and had to release the bags like a chump. I failed the “take it all in one trip” achievement. 

I unlocked the door and entered our dark apartment. 

Wicks isn’t home yet? I thought to myself. I picked up the bags again. Ah, right, he usually gets home around 10:30. I put the groceries onto the counter overlooking the living room, then went into my room. I threw the duffle bag on my bed and stuffed the gifts under it. I had to sort through them later.  

A devious idea entered my head. I hadn’t turned the lights on. 

I could scare Wicks. I chuckled at the notion, unbagging everything and putting it onto the counter. 

I was going to text him and ask if he wanted me to pick up anything from the store for a cover, but I heard someone at the door. I got closer to it, hearing his voice from the other side. 

Did he bring someone with him?

I remained still, ready to shake the bags of caramel corn I held to spook him. 

But his words hit me clearly when he opened the door. “I know, Charletta, but I’m afraid she’ll hate me after it.”

He flicked on the switch near the door. He dropped his keys on the table, then saw me.

 I lifted up the bags with a weak smile, “surprise….”

I could hear Charletta talking through the receiver but couldn’t hear her response. 

 Wicks smiled half-heartedly. 

“Lentils, I didn’t see your car. You got home early too-” He flicked back to the phone, “Lynette’s here. I’ll call you back later.” He hung up on her.

He rushed over and hugged me tightly. I hugged back, but the usual comforting sandalwood smell didn’t help the twist in my chest. 

I tried not to dwell on his behavior during the festival. And I was so so excited to spend time with him when I got home that I forgot how I felt. 

In my throat, a question rose. It struggled to leave and slowly choked me. 

“I missed you, Lentils; how was it?” He asked. He pulled back, lightly holding my shoulders. I could see his aversion to the conversation he had with Charletta. 

I lowered my head. 

He wanted to tell me something for the past few weeks. He paused during certain subjects and avoided topics. 

I pretended there wasn’t anything wrong. I always did. There were things Wicks never said to me, and I acted blissfully aware. Why can’t you tell me everything like I tell you? Now was no different. I couldn’t keep pretending with the weight of my anxiety.

The question spilled from my quivering lips, “do you not want to be roommates anymore?” I looked at his scuffed white running shoes. 

The silence killed me, but he coddled me with another hug. “NO! That’s not it, Lentils!” He almost sounded offended. “You’re an awesome, loving roommate.” He pressed at the bags in my limp arms, “You even got me caramel corn. It’s my favorite…” he assured me.

“Then why-” 

He broke the hug and locked eyes with me. I could see the worry clouding them. “Would you still love me if I hid something from you?”

“You’re my brother, Wicks. I’ll always love you. You know that.”

He hesitated again. He searched around as if he had lost what he was going to say, and his fingers fidgeted with the trim of his black work vest.

“I’m seeing someone.”

“You are?”

“I was afraid to tell you. I thought you’d give me this long talk about how terrible it is to date a stranger.” He continued, avoiding eye contact and moving his head from side to side with his explanation. 

That’s not it, is it, Wicks… The thought squeezed my heart. You’re not going to tell me... 

I pressed up a smile. “AND YOU KEPT TELLING ME SOMETHING FOR COMING HOME LATER OR THE NEXT DAY!”

Wicks turned back to me, a smile returning to his face too. “YOU CAN’T BLAME ME FOR THAT! AT LEAST I DON’T DISAPPEAR FOR A WHOLE DAY!”

“There’s been times!” I said back in less of a shout and more of a matter of fact. Our playfulness slowly returned as we walked to the kitchen.

I had no choice but to play along and hope he’d tell me.

Wicks was the most normal person in my life right now; he was the only thing I could hold onto for safety. And I couldn't lose my hold, or I'd drown.

…

Thank you for reading! :D Have a gouda day! (Nonnegotiable, if you're lactose intolerant, you're about to be in a lot of pain, sorry, not sorry. Lol).

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What I’d do for a Livable Income (Synopsis/Chapter - List)

[dandelion-delusion]

FYI-Season four after the prison fell and everyone got separated

Y/n's p.o.v

There's a new hostage in the Claimers group, his name is Daryl. I say hostage because he doesn't agree with their set of rules, and was obviously disgusted when he realized why I'm still here. It's been months since I uttered even a single word, giving them no reason to recognize me as any kind of threat. They're tracking some guy that killed unfortunately only one of these monsters, this is way too much work for what's-his-face's life. With all the drama of murder I was given an opportunity to swipe a knife without them noticing anything.

The Claimer found me in a warehouse and claimed me two and a half months ago. My group had been caught in a herd the day before, I had been mourning. That's how they got the upper hand, I was sobbing, when they found me I made no verbal attempt to escape so they tied my wrists and dragged me along.

After trudging through the woods for some hours with tight ropes binding my hands together, keeping me tethered to these sick men, them and I end up at a road with a run-down vehicle sitting there along with a trio of survivors huddled around a small flame. One of them is a boy who makes eye contact with me, he continues to look at me as I divert my gaze to the ground. He looks about my age, wonder will The Claimers keep him around? And if so will it be for the same reason as me? My attention is snapped back to the people in front of me as Joe starts talking.

The leader off The Claimer's, Joe, walks up to the survivors spewing threats while dragging the rope attached to my soar arms evidently pulling me. Daryl says something about these randoms being 'good people' and then the boy gets separated from the other two and all hell brakes lose.

In the midst of it all Joe lets go of my rope so I grab the knife from up my sleeve and go to cut the tie. Once free I stand to my feet and see The Claimers losing, I step into the battle and stab the closest Claimer to me. Right in his artery. I have the blood of a monster covering my face, and I have a sense of relief flood over me and I catch my breath, every inhale new, fresh. Free.

The only people left are the trio, Daryl, and I. It has became apparent Daryl knew the people because the guy who ripped out Joe's throat with his teeth called Daryl his brother, and honestly they don't look related to me. Daryl glances at me, still sat against the vehicle "you got a name?" he asked, his voice tired and slightly demanding. With our eyes locked I nod my head. He continues to talk with his relative and I hear him say I remind him of "Beth" and that she got kidnapped.

Until I know that, for certain, I can trust these people I will not speak, they seem to be better than the claimers but you can't just go off the appearance of people anymore. well you could, but that would make you dumb. Sorry, I don't make the rules

They don't have a problem with me tagging along with them, honestly if I where them I wouldn't do that, but to each their own. I have been introduced to the trio, them being Michonne, Carl, and his dad, Rick; they're heading to Terminus, and I'm tagging along.

Carl walks to my left as I rub the bare and bloody wounds on my wrists "stop rubbing your wrists they need to heal," he tells me grabbing my hand. I give him a small nod, still not giving up my facade. Him and I walk in tangent for a good while, holding hands, until we head into the woods. The feeling of his hand in mine felt like what was happening in the world, the world where death was the only motivator, I could be serene. Like someone who would be reading in the back of the library, without a care in the world, someone effortlessly wonderful.

They are hiding their guns in the ground. I keep my blade hidden in the sleeve of my coat as we arrive, for safety reasons only. We decide to show off our trust issues and break into a safe haven. The Terminus people end up being really understanding and lead us to there colony, but not before "checking us for any weapons" which they suck at, by the way, but let us keep them anyway.

As Ricks group, the Terminus people, and I stand in the courtyard Rick looks like he was following a bee with his eyes. Then he jumps onto Gareth, putting a gun up to his head talking about ponchos and stopwatches. Many guns are pointed at my head and it's evident that they no longer trust us, if they ever did. My hands go up, what could I do with my knife? Nothing, I can't do anything, so I keep it tucked in my sleeve. Ricks people pull out their weapons, some don't have a gun, they must really trust Rick, and his instincts.

After that, the others, and I get locked into a train car with more of Rick's people and others they loosely know. I make my way to the wall of the train car and slide down, how much worse can the Terminus people treat me compared to The Claimers?

Carl slides down next to me after hugging a few of the other people. His gaze is turned my way so I turn my head to look his way. His vibrant blue eyes hold my stare. Carl takes my hand in his and asks "how're your wrists?" while turning over my hands his eyes shift from my eyes to my wrists. He ends up asleep with my hand intertwined with his.

Eventually the people of Terminus either died or fled the scene of what used to be a cannibal hot spot. Now it is still that, but most smart people don't trust walkers enough to not eat them.

We're currently huddled up at a church with a total fool who refuses to kill the dead. His name is Gabriel, he's a priest, that's why he refuses to be violent with the flesh eating monsters.

Part two?

[henrysglock]

okay okay i love talking about dnd - dnd anon back again

just general fyi, there's multiple editions for dnd. new monsters get added over the course of them, some stats change, game mechanics get reworked ect. we're on E5 right now. the party in ST would be playing with E1 which came out in the early 80s (E2 came out in the late 80s and is definitely relevant to anything S4 and onwards). i know most of the original 80s stats, but just mentioning here that some numbers went up or down a few digits over the years

okay and now breaking this down:

in dnd you have CRs (= Challenge Ratings) which are a number between 0 and 30. those give you an idea of the general strength of an enemy, the higher the stronger. that's generally how you as a DM decide what to throw at your party since you don't want to give and absolute BeastTM to you Lvl. 1 party (CRs also aren't always 100% reliable since DMs can tweak stats slightly to fit their parties better, but CRs DO give you a pretty solid idea of how fucked you're going to be on average going into an encounter)

and long story short, a Mindflayers CR is 7. Vecna's is 26. and yeah that'd basically already be enough said, one of these is Not like the other. Tldr: Vecna is an absolute Unit and wins this competition every time

but now also, more in depth:

first more stats: CR only give you the General difficulty of an enemy. you also have AC (Armour Class) and HP for every enemy for example:

AC -> MF: 15, V: 18

HP -> MF: 71 (potentially up to +13 with additional roles when creating the enemy), V: 272 (with a roll up to +128)

Vecna, again, unsurprisingly given the CR, wins everything here BY FAR. but besides stats, the actual game lore is also interesting:

for one, i said A Mindflayer intentionally because there's actually multiple. it's not a unique enemy type (it's still rare though). they're also called Illithids and are actually much more human looking than on the show -> a bit of a wizard type - also much more human sized than the one in ST. their faces are very much spider tentacles tho so I'm guessing that's from where we got the visuals for our favorite Big Guy. (also, fun fact: Illithids/ Mindflayers tend to show up in combat with a handful of followers they're mindcontrolling, very similar to the plot of s3 actually, just think that's neat :D)

and then there's VECNA. THE Vecna. the ONE and only (ha). totally unique. actually, as of E1 Vecna wasn't even a fightable enemy with stats yet. he was only Referenced in the monster manual (where all the dnd enemy lore at the time came from) + his eye (or arm actually? sorry not sure which one it actually was) were super strong items you could find. but no Vecna in the flesh yet - he was just this elusive evil in the background. only in E2 did Vecna actually get a stats sheet and was something you could actually try and fight. and Vecna is Big in dnd, a bit of a staple figure actually - especially in E2 at the time. Mindflayers may be more of an enemy class than a given "name" for one specific person/monster. but oh boy did Vecna sure make a name for himself alone. multiple names actually, that's the guy people call "the Arch Lich" and "the Undying King" to name a few, if there's One wizard you're going to be sweating to fight in late 80s dnd it's THIS guy. Hard as Hell to beat! and a dnd icon on top of it!

and even the fighting in itself is going to be an absolute Bitch, so here a general idea of how combat works:

aside from attacking, you constantly roll saving throws. that's how you avoid dying/ taking damage/ suffering negative effects like poison or burning etc. the saving throws are all in a specific attribute so Intelligence or Wisdom for example. you roll with a D20 and need to get something higher than a certain predetermined number to actually get the save and avoid whatever made you roll for the save in the first place. depending on the stat you're rolling in, the numbers for the MFs are basically all between 6-7. but for VECNA they're all between 12-15.

the combat system in E1 and E2 is slightly different than today and i'm not Totally in tune with it, so i'm not Completely sure if/how saving throws might have worked a bit different back then,

but the HIGH requirement for saves (consistently rolling over 12-15 with a D20 is Fucked btw) is also why we see the game in S4 go down the way it does. the entire group makes it to the final boss alright but then starts falling like flies. because you'd have to consistently roll REALLY high to keep hitting saves and not chip your health down slowly or get CRIT'ed in one go. and even if you're lucky with rolls, the longer the combat goes on the more likely you are to start missing saves and either die from a direct hit or get a negative effect that kills you over time. which is why we see the entire party go down alongside Mike during Eddie's game, except for Dustin and Erica who are both still 1 hit from death.

even the parts of the game sequence we actually get SEE on screen in s4 show us this directly, when we see Mike going first in the combat order and look upset immediately when he presumably fails his first save right away (unlucky) -> i've seen people confused why Mike looks upset but an Enemy figure gets knocked down on the board instead of his paladin. this is why as far as i can tell here. he might have still won against whatever he was fighting but took massive damage or got a passive negative effect from failing his first save. he zero'd out later at some point, since only Erica and Dustin are left by the end, but i probably wasn't Directly after the first hit he took (even though it could obviously be Because of that hit, since it might've been a passive effect which can kill you with a few rounds delay)

so Yupp, that's the general breakdown here! so tldr Again: if you had the choice between facing the Mindflayer or Vecna on the condition that everybody sticks to dnd rules you do NOT go for Vecna. Ever. that guy is Horrible to beat. literally the chance of fucking up like Mike here and missing your FIRST save right off the bat is 60-75%, that's BAD, that can KILL you

me with my melted ice cream brain: yeah what u said

but actually yeah looking at the numbers it’s v clear who’s the big bad even from the dnd framework. and it also makes sense why El et al. are able to defeat the mindflayer twice but not Vecna/Henry even once

[paleclementine]

that last update is all and exactly what I've been doing for the past three weeks. Starving, going to class, and trying to be okay.

Winter depression doesn't have me beat quite yet, but it's a battle every day. I've been tracking the weather and it's been grey for SIX DAYS, and snowy right before that. being trapped in by all these mountains is grueling, to say the least. Classes are less boring this year. I actually have to go to them; I can't tell if that makes it better or worse. All of my professors are pretty cool though.

Roommate situation is at both an all time low and an all time high (besides the brief party phase when no one knew each other). I don't cower in my room like I used to... for the most part. If I need something, I'm more inclined to just go out there and grab it or make some really quick food. They're really annoying though and most certainly hate me. I had a whole potato soup making vs unplanned party/rager/bacchanal moment that ended in jimena apologizing to me, then never acknowledging my existence after that, so like.. make of that what you will.

folded and decided to come home for spring break. I don't feel up to a washington trip. It's just too much. Besides, I really want to go with dad to the fall out boy concert and watch AOT with him. I want to go shopping with my mom. I want to sit in bed with hailey while she rants about people I don't know. I want to avoid playing roblox with caleb... lol. nah I want to get ice cream with him. I do miss my family. It's hard to be home, but it's also hard to be here. A break will be direly needed by the time the depths of this winter are somewhat shallowing.

The diet is going well. I probably weighed about 115-117 last time I posted, and now I'm 110.6 (four of those pounds lost within the past week because I am hashtag starving myself). I'm doing a liquid fast. I hope I can keep it up until weigh day on monday. I don't care if it's unhealthy that I'm speedrunning this thing; I've never been skinny in my life. Consider it me making up for lost time.

Anthony has been sweet-- and this is an and, not a but-- winter is also taking its toll on him. he's done really good with going to his classes and doing homework but i can tell he's very dreary of it all. I don't blame him. I've reacted worse. This hanger+cabin fever has turned me into a monster at worst and a jerk at best. I've snapped at him way too much and I feel bad about it. I decided im going to start eating earlier in the day and meeting up with him later rather than just waiting to eat dinner with him bc waiting makes it worse.

There's something strangely luxurious about going out and walking through the aisles of stores these days. i daydream about smith's, bath and body, five below, winco, homegoods, tj maxx. Is it a respite from the cold or a longing for something unnameable? A life outside of my own that exists in the comfort of the material? will i ever live a life where walking down those aisles becomes not a spectacle but a grocery list of candles, blankets, leggings, soaps, and deli meat?

winco fried chicken is really good-- just fyi.

[temporalbystander]

Just fyi.... Turned rant...

I also came up with an OC based in Yu-Gi-Oh with original cards a long time ago. Not sure how it would do in current meta since this was before XYZ, synchro and link summoning. Wouldn't be too hard to add synchro to it but I just can't see the point for XYZ and link. They just seem like "hey want to have an excuse to summon a monster from a completely different archetype with absolutely no reasoning behind it?" Not to mention how they ruin any enjoyment of actually playing.

Honestly the meta itself is just so broken. "What's that? You thought youd actually get to summon monsters or use your spell card zones on your turn? But I haven't even finished my combo yet, you really should have put ash blossom in your deck." I'm sorry but if someone can tell what type of deck you're using from the first three cards you play, and are then able to predict exactly how you're going to play the rest of the duel? That's not fun because at that point they either know exactly how to beat you or if they're screwed unless you misplay.

Then again there is the fact that nobody knows exactly what their cards do because they refuse to read the stupid things. Not that I blame them since there are cards that read like books. We need a cliff notes version so that they can be more understandable. For example:

(name) searcher: allows you to add any card with the name in brackets to your hand.

(name) retrieval: allows you to add the card from your graveyard to your hand.

Then you'd have the cards to summon from hand or the deck to be just (name) summon, and graveyard could be (name) reborn or (in gy) return if the card allows itself to be resummoned, like stardust dragon. Then you'd have things like (discard) negate 1 for things like Ash blossom.

But, in reality, if you want a balanced meta? ENFORCE A SUMMON LIMIT! The only time you should ever need to summon more than five monsters at once is if you've played multiply, got your four kuribohs, and proceed to use those for two other xyz monsters. Otherwise you're just showboating, and being a tool. Same with Maxx C and it's stupid effect. why is it even a monster when it only exists to draw you cards? In fact just get rid off hand traps, you shouldn't have monsters being able to negate or draw cards by discarding from your hand anyway. That's what quick play spells were supposed to be for.

If you truly want to keep their broken abilities? Make them flip effects or flip banishers so you actually have to use strategy on when to set them. You know, like actual monster cards require you to use? And if you don't want a summon limit, though I have no idea why you wouldn't as it would speed up games and break infinite loops meaning a bunch of awesome cards would be unbanned, then make it so that cards that were uniquely summoned, i.e XYZ link or synchro, cannot be used in another XYZ link or synchro the turn they are summoned.

Think of it this way. Is the deck good because it allows you to outsmart or outduel your opponent with a bunch of possibilities? Or just the one that forces them to sit there while you spend 15 minutes cooking before they get annoyed and just forfeit. Where they then end up in another duel against the same exact deck used the exact same way and so on and so forth until they can tell the sixtieth person exactly what they have in their hand based on how they started the combo.

[gravelgirty]

Never too Late:  PTSD and ISLAND ZERO

“Just..Spoilers.  The elderly couple survives.

And what a delightful couple we have to view.  Reviewer Sarah Budd of HORROR SCREAMS VIDEO VAULT said,  ‘ really well acted by all involved but the absolute best characters are the elderly couple Ruth and Alvis who are by far the most entertaining’

In a film less than 2 hours long it boggles the mind how the cast shows depth and background. Now, I think all the characters are just wonderful, but in interactions, most of the people are so believable you want to smack them or stuff the number of your therapist down their collar. Imagine how infuriating your hometown would be if things got bad and monsters were coming...yeah, hold on to those cans of beans, folks. And maybe some spare sticks of TNT...

Ruth and Alvis are a long-lived, long-married couple--old-timers on a salty little island in the middle of utter nowhere, forty miles off the coast of Maine.  Ruth and Alvis are the folks you want to root for, especially since our first sight of them is not really on a positive note...

After the opening scene where something unseen kills a marine biologist (the mother of the child in the above shot) some 4 years in the past, the film snaps forward to a quietly thumping heartbeat under a stethoscope.  An old woman’s voice complains over this soft sound; this is Ruth, sitting in the back of the consult room and doing all the talking for herself and her husband Alvis while Doc Maggie tries to get some answers on Alvis. 

 Alvis is tall, getting stout about the middle, and white-bearded.  He keeps his head down and does no volunteering while Ruth explains:

Alvis has inexplicably shut down, barely moving about and gaining weight. His equally-elderly (76 years) wife Ruth is explaining it all with her frustrations leaking out of every pore: He won’t do anything. This close to Christmas it is almost impossible to not think, “Oh, holiday depression?”  He sure does seem depressed...shut down...minimalizing.

There’s another reason why Ruth is upset at Alvis; he’s keeping the house cranked up to 82-degrees F (that’s ~28-Celcius) and if you think that isn’t heatstroke worthy you are not a New Englander because those folks are tough as Okies and French Canadians).  You know that joke about the town in Maine that never used a scrap of salt or sand on their roads for 20 years because ‘they might really need it someday?’ Yeah.  That’s the culture. You say ‘blizzard’ and they say ‘spring break’.  Your average Mainelander can do just fine at 65-degrees F (or 18.3C) because they know they have to pay for every thermal unit out of pocket.  This is an island where the heat must be harvested from local firewood, or gleaned from washed-up sea coal, or brought over in drums of Diesel by the ferry or a friendly fisherman.

Ruth continues on, making it hard for Dr. Maggie to get information on her patient.  She had to split half a cord of firewood all by herself.  (FYI many houses use wood and another source of heat to get by for emergencies, so what she said is not unusual). 

For rule-of-thumb, Ruth has split enough wood to keep 1 or 2 rooms warm for a brief time.  

Her voice is strident and tearful; a tiny woman at her wits’ end.  Doc Maggie asks repeatedly for Ruth to step outside so she can talk to Alvis privately.  Ruth doesn’t understand.  Alvis isn’t helping; he is in a fugue state until she asks Alvis if there was anything he couldn’t say better than herself.  Alvis rouses enough to say, “Nope!”

But in all of this, Alvis only speaks when forced.  Getting to the doctor was clearly not his idea but he isn’t going to fuss with her over it.  It is all Ruth’s motivation and energy.  Finally, Doc Maggie runs out of steam and asks what Ruth wants her to do.  Ruth finally blurts out, “fix him!”

We see Ruth again later on...the ferry has failed to show; people are trapped on the island with no new fuel for the fishing boats or heating and lighting the houses.  Food supplies are dwindling.  Ruth stands in line at the only store and scowls at Lars, who has cleared all the beans off the shelves.  She tells him to leave some for others but Lars is an opportunist and refuses.  One of the island mothers asks the shoppers if anyone can spare a can of milk for her kids.  Ruth scolds Lars to no effect, then yanks a spare can of milk out of his basket for the mom.  There’s a scuffle but the only injury is from Sam, the biologist.  Getting between two elderly islanders is never good for anyone’s health.

Things are pretty bad.  Fishermen’s boats are found without the fishermen, and pools of blood and strange blue goop that we later learn is blood from an unknown species of cold-water creature.  No radio.  No VHF, no phone, no cable, no internet, no satellite no nothing.  

Ruth and Alvis show up again after half the film passes; by then we learn that this undiscovered species, an apex predator, is hunting the fishermen who leave the island. Tucker Island is effectively cut off from the world.  It’s horrible but everyone who is left on the island is relieved to know what’s going on.  OK, now we have something to work with!  Fantastic!  Surely help will come, right?  We’ll just stay off the water. Great! 

Then Ruth and Alvis’ neighbor Nina is found, a gnawed-up skeleton on dry land in her own house and Sam thinks of the old couple.  Something has knocked over their plastic Santa Claus; there’s a smear of Nina’s blood on the front door.  He slips in and walks through an admirably tidy and clean house...to find them both alive.

Alvis is sound asleep on the couch wrapped in what looks like a million blankets and throws, snoring away in a boiling hot house while Ruth reads a book.  He and Ruth have no idea their neighbor was just butchered a few feet from their house, and that whatever did it tried to come in but didn’t move past the front door.

“Are you ok?”

“Alvis ain’t up to speed, but, I’m ok.”

So everyone on the island is moved to the inn where they can theoretically all be safe together (ok fine, but it sounded better than being alone, right?)  We see Ruth sitting on the stairs with her arm around the young waitress who lost her old beau Emmett--one of the first fishermen to go missing.  She’s clearly not doing great.  Alvis is glued by the fireplace with the same knit afghan he was sleeping under in his house.

We do learn that of the four people on the island who own firearms, Ruth and Alvis are half of them.  Ouch. Ruth knows Arthur (another eaten fisherman) used to hunt and thanks to her more ammo is found in his house.

The next time we see Alvis, he has a front row seat to a monster attack. 

The sea creatures rip Val in two.  It happens so quickly and no one can see it moving at all; there’s a lot of screaming and in-shock reactions. But Alvis actually speaks up.

“They’ll...be back.”

Doc Maggie asks him for more information (after they recover their wits) and Alvis slowly explains that he hasn’t seen them before, but...he’s seen what they can do.  

We learn from his halting, trembling words that Alvis is the sole survivor of a 13-crew freighter ship Dundee 30 years ago.  First the dolphin vanished, then one by one, members of the crew.  Bill.  Jake.  On the third night... Alvis almost chokes on the words about to come.  The third time he tries, the words finally escape.  He was working in the engine room when he heard gunfire.  He laughs mirthlessly at how he thought pirates were attacking. He came up to see that everyone he knew was dead, slaughtered, and he couldn’t explain to the Navy what he even witnessed.  In the background we hear his memory of the Navy chopper, a heavy weight pressing down on his health and sanity.  There is no wonder he doubted himself; what little he saw didn’t make sense and had no frame of reference to a seasoned seamen from an fishing island.

“Just...on deck.  A shimmer. Like...TV static...shimmering...”

“The Navy asked me what had happened....I couldn’t tell ‘em...!

‘...it was thirty years ago...”

So much about Alvis is made clear now.  There is a strong suspicion that the timing of the past attack was at this time of year--Alvis’ depressive funk is not typical for him, or Ruth would have said something (we know she doesn’t hold back).

Alvis and Ruth are delightfully well-suited.  One suspects she was the driving force holding them together and keeping them both motivated when Alvis struggled.

The situation suddenly gets worse.  One of their group is a spy for said Navy and he has killed a young islander--barely out of girlhood--to bait the monsters.  Ruth is all for shooting him if he doesn’t answer their questions.  When someone protests, Ruth says, “I’m okay with this.  You, Alvis?”

“Got nooo problem.”

Do not play higher moral grounds with old Mainelanders. 

Rather than get his jewels shot off, the spy explains that the island is ground zero for the projected invasion of this intelligent, hunting, amphibious creature that doesn’t show up on sonar or radar or heat-seeking machines, nor is it visible to other forms of tech.  He is supposed to be the diplomat to open negotiations and--way to go for victim blaming--he says everything is ruined because Doc Maggie shot one of them (because they were tearing Val apart, picky, picky) and he needs to try to negotiate with them. Hence why he slaughtered Jessie, a waitress who had a crush on him.  He murdered her and left her out as a peace offering to the creatures, who mutilated her sad remains.  So.  This is negotiating, eh?

Cue Ruth’s reaction and the best damn line in the whole movie:

“You are...negotiatin’...with FISH!”

And it just gets worse; the Navy has decades of information on these things and are determined to use their elusive qualities for the war department.  The whole island is a sacrifice zone for these goals where they expect the creatures to wipe out everyone on Tucker Island (thus getting rid of any witnesses). As a huge mass of these things crawl to the house, the spy yells to be let go, to let him negotiate.

Ruth is not pleased. 

“Only negotiatin’ is gunna be with this heah shotgun!”

Things actually get worse when the spy persuades them to let him talk to the monsters.  It doesn’t take long to realize his ‘negotiations’ are more in the form of, ‘eat them, not me’.

Everyone else flees to the attic, but Alvis is frozen in trauma.  Ruth screams at him to come but he can’t move.  It’s horrible.

In the attic the survivors can only hear screaming.

Ruth sinks to a trunk, shotgun in her lap, stunned.  She is the picture of abject misery...

...until something wet and slimy splats on her hand.

Ruth doesn’t hesitate.  Her head snaps up to the ceiling and she fires.

[INSERT GROSS MONSTER DEATH]

Seriously, that thing is nasty.  I’m quite pleased that we don’t see a lot of it. I am GLAD they have a special ability to bend light and make them almost impossible to see.  I mean, look at what we can see of them.  Ack.  Clearly, this was designed by somebody who had frequent nightmares about glass eels mating with cephalopods.

Not that Ruth cares.  While everyone else is trying to recover from all this she weeps for Alvis...

Who is (despite all logic) alive and well. The creatures backed off.

The reunion is so adorable.  “DAMN OLD FOOL!  I THOUGHT I’D LOST YOU!” (more crying and huggin)

The Navy Spy, however...well, Alvis points to the various places the man is...er...residing...throughout the house when Sam asks where he is.  When Lucy asks why Alvis was still alive, Ruth suggests he was too tough.  

But no, he was too hot.

Doc Maggie figures it out!  The creatures are cold-blooded and cannot stand heat.  They never touched him on the ship because he had been in the hot engine room; they didn’t enter their house because the thermostat was cranked!  

When the others wonder what the repellent temper could be, Ruth pipes up, ‘82 degrees’...the temperature he keeps in their house.

Alvis is a changed man after this.  He is still taciturn; but he knows at long last what happened on his ship.  He knows why he is the survivor now, shedding an eternity of fear and guilt. That tiny scrap of information from his story lets the survivors set a trap, a last-ditch shot so they can get off the island before the Navy comes and finishes the job the creatures started.

Of course, there’s always one last snarl, but...The end of the film is hopeful.  The old couple and child are being rowed to safety and Doc Maggie, a veteran of two wars who has kept herself in lean fighting shape, means it when she says she can row the whole 40 miles to the mainland.  She means it. 

And as they row away, in contrast to their first scene together, Alvis and Ruth are holding each other tightly.  

[rinachiba]

Becoming Psycho: part one

Notes: This is a kind of What-If scenario that I ended up dreaming about and it turned into this little passion project of a fanfic. The main premise is that Zhane went undercover as Silver Psycho and was discovered as a spy. From there, the Psychos capture and torture him and gain control over him. And just FYI, it involves pairing Zhane with an OC of mine so please don’t hold that against me when reading it. Also, I’ll be posting this one part at a time. It’s finished, so I can do this one part, every day, until I reach the end.

Now....on to the story.

There was a dull, throbbing sensation at the back of his head as Zhane awoke. He gave his head a quick shake in an attempt to clear it, instantly regretting the action when it set the darkened room spinning. Just what happened and where was he now? Last thing he remembered, he had been working on getting closer to the Psycho Rangers, having disguised himself as one and infiltrating the group. And now he was strapped to some kind of chair used in a medical setting. He was still in his Psycho uniform but his helmet was visible on the nearby table. Not good. But how had he ended up in this position? That’s right. Psycho Red. He had called for some kind of meeting after an attack on the rangers. When he’d arrived at where the meeting was to take place, no one was there.

/Stupid,/ He thought to himself, realizing that he’d fallen into a trap.

“About time you came to.” There was no mistaking that voice. It was the leader of the Psychos.

Zhane’s pale blue eyes narrowed, watching as the five evil counterparts to his friends came toward him. Even knowing he couldn’t break free, he still struggled as hard as he could. Maybe he’d get lucky and he could loosen one of the restraints enough to get an arm free. A blinding pain erupting from his jaw and exploding through his already sore head threatened to send him right back into unconsciousness.

“Don’t get too rough with him,” Yellow warned, her arms crossing over her chest. “We need him conscious for this to work properly.

“Relax. That was basically a love tap,” Black snapped back. “It’s lucky Red didn’t kill him earlier.”

Well, that answered why his head was pounding. Now the question was, how did they find out he wasn’t really a Psycho? Zhane was about to say something when he realized that he was also gagged.

/Damn it. Surprised they didn’t blindfold me, as well./ Zhane was not thrilled with how this was going.

“If it wasn’t for the fact that we can actually use him, I would’ve just killed him,” Red admitted.

That did not sound good. It made Zhane anxious as to what was going to happen to him. Especially because he wasn’t able to activate his communicator and call for help. He just managed to turn his head to see Psycho Blue doing something to his helmet, a feeling of dread sending a chill down his spine. He had just started squirming in his restraints again when a pair of hands roughly positioned his head against the headrest and locked some sort of strap across his forehead to keep him facing forward. He glared up at the red psycho ranger, feeling as if he was being mocked by the evil mirror of his best friend.

“Looks like you still have some fight in you,” Psycho Red sneered. Even without a face to show expression, Zhane could swear that the monster was grinning. “That’ll make this all the more satisfying.

A chain of muffled curses, along with a somewhat clear ‘fuck you’, managed to get past Zhane’s gagged lips as Yellow took Red’s place beside him. He couldn’t see what was being done, but he could feel something being attached at his temple and to his forehead before blinding pain shot through his skull. His body seized up in a spasm as his eyes shut tightly against the sensation, not even the gag could muffle his screams.

[mtnkat3]

You...Alll do know why I'm so nervous & full of trepidation.. right..?

My soul's scared...

How many times...

Trembling kat.. lips, tears on lids..

I will stand on the balconies & let the storms batter me..

Until..

Until I feel Your...Alll's presence surrounding me.

Until I feel.. You...Alll want to touch me...

I mean...

You...Alll made me feel beautiful back then, despite what I was going thru.

Now.. I wonder if I'm an embarrassment. No. No that's not what I feel from You...Alll its.. frustration.

But.. but.. words.. actions.. wobbly lip.

I stood on those balconies..

I hope to know the whys..

Whimpering moan.

And I pray to make amends.

But I felt You...Alll ..

Yes, I overstepped.

Bowed.. sliding down the veil to a slump.

But. I was there.

As close as we've ever been..

But on different sides of a chasm. Like You...Alll were sitting on the moon looking down & watching me..

Yes, I know You...Alll have always protected me. Because You...Alll understood who & what the monster wh is.

A genius iq in a prepubescent mind, but with evil directing in a man's body. Strong enough that I have to use tremendous force to break a wrist grab. [A friend's army hub taught how to many years ago.] But. My small [6¼"] wrists... I never again wanna feel my bones squeezed.

Just thank God same height & I'm strong enough physically & emotionally to fight back. Once I rescue myself I know my entire system will breathe again.

I pray for God's Miracles, His Plan. That I am to be.. reset. Like hardware. I just pray... He heals me. And Guides me to heal myself too.

I am not meant to be this..chubby. yes, wide hips but not all the weight incorrectly placed on my trunk. A couple things will require.. more than exercise.

[Think I'm a 36~28~40, (old measures) so... Not small. But..slim, voluptuous. Always have said don't care when it's boobs & butt. Those don't hurt healthiness of my organs!]

But I'm not afraid of that.

I endured lasik eye surgery, & the valium didn't do shit. Only the device that held my eyes open & force of will. That was 2002 though.

[Fyi= NEVER do correcting surgery til after 40yo! Damnit all! & I loved having 20/15 vision! Dang astigmatisms.]

And yes, I wanna barn with a gym, barre, dance, pilates, & swimjet.

Actually, the first thing I plan to build.

With an artist studio loft too.

Might even sleep in a tent in a corner until I can build my cabin.

Yes, You...Alll have been in every dream about every home I've ever mentally built. Including the book.

I've been building them since 1993. Sitting in my college dorm, coming to grips with losing usaf pilot dreams [I will be a pilot, it is a goal. Just... no dogfights. Drat it.]

Maybe I'm just too.. maverick.. too boundary pushing.. too much...?

But I think God wants me to lead alongside my Mate/s.

Not gritting my teeth from the military machine.

[I am all for the military personnel, & even machines. Just hate the... shot callers.]

Dang I wish I was the one to go on a tiger cruise! Sigh.

Just.. cabin with several purposeful buildings.. loud music sometimes.. & no one but those who laugh & grin at my antics. What I want & need.

But what I want...need...crave...desire... will fight with my last drop of blood & breath to have & hold...

You...Alll.

As many things as I've wanted to do, explore, experience in my life..

Nothing compares to You...Alll.[🎶]

I don't care about where... how much money... or anything like that.

I will live anywhere.

As long as I'm with my soul's Mate/s.

But am I pushing the limits the right way now?

Am I doing this right now... ?

I am praying & striving to not screw up again.

I just..

I miss You...Alll.

It's tearing me up inside still.

Never really has stopped.

I tried back then to let go.

I couldn't.

I gave You...Alll my keys & that was it for me.

I thought You...Alll were.. gone.. dead.. didn't want me.

I tried to heal on tumblr & met some good, some bad, & a lot of players.

But I was always... is that him... them.. sobbing.

I've thought I saw You...Alll here... tooo...

But I don't know!

& it's driving me bonkers!

All I wanna do... touch You...Alll.

I mean the first thing I wanna do is touch..

With my eyes.. my fingers..

I think about falling in a heap at Your...Alll's feet sobbing.

And I think about running into Your...Alll's arms crying & holding on tight.

And I think about being paralyzed by seeing You...Alll... & You...Alll walking right into the touch of my fingertips so my palm is feeling Your...Alll's hearts beating..

I think about You...Alll being able to pick me up & my legs wrapped around You...Alll & being surrounded by You...Alll.

And I think about laying my head on Your...Alll's chests... listening to hearts beating... dancing close...

And as I sit here on the side of my bed staring out as the sun shines thru the trees.. staring at my huge pine tree...

I long for You...Alll...

Even as I've gotta go take a shower.

[Mom pointed something out. I'm always nervous about taking showers here. Yelling, shutting off water heater, beating the walls.. Then there's this infection. And the house probably has mold. It's no wonder I am struggling to keep my head above water. And that it's hard to feel comfortable to take a shower here. Right now, they're not my escape. But to be endured. Because I'm the type I'd stay in the water. Love standing in showers for long time, & multiple a day. 1-3.]

Sigh. I'd rather leave this in my diary for You...Alll alone to read.

I know that we pushed each other back then.. & I think being in love means to always push oneself, to be the best possible. But also we strive for each other tooo. Pushing boundaries.. limits.. growing.. building.. being our best selves...

I'm terrified of getting it wrong,

But I refuse to allow paralysis of fear to hold me back any longer.

I have reached some of my goals.

Now it's time to push that to complete.

So that I am able to post...

I am out.

Then... my Love/s...

Come & get me.

I beg You...Alll. only.

I will wait for eternity for You...Alll.

Because even though there's a lot that only You...Alll & God know.

I know I'm supposed to wait.

On Him.

On You...Alll.

I am treading with trembling limbs, on a creaky dangerous surface...

I just pray...

The patient man.. men..

Whimpering sob.

Are waiting for me in God's Light.

Because my Love/s...

Alpha/s, Bear/s, King/s, Warrior/s, Mate/s, Love/s...

I will wait for You...Alll.

You...Alll are my everything, my universe.

I will stand at the end of a dock.. bridge.. cliff.. mountain edge.. waters edge..

I will wait for You...Alll.

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

Yes, trembling, wobbly, shaky..

But resolute.

I will place my keys, rings, & pendants into Your...Alll's hands...

& wait..

Head bowed, chin up, trembling..

I love You...Alll.

I miss You...Alll. so much my system is in chaos.

The tears come when I think about why.. where.. will You...Alll.. love me..?

Or did I totally screw the pooch.

Sob. Wail. Bite lip.

God help me. Please.

I love You...Alll & that's never gonna stop!

I wholeheartedly believe

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

I love You...Alll.

I beg You...Alll. Alone.

Bowed. Slumped.

Trudging to shower.

God help me...please???

Your scared, insecure, trembling, humbled, bowed... daughter,

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix.

Sa.9.24.2022 3.16 .45pm est. Diary

👩🤓☔💡🤝⚓🙏🙇‍♀️🌂🔗⚙⛓🧰⚒🛠⚔⚖🗽🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵⌚⚡🌠🗝🔱⚜💝♠️🧩🔆♾🌎🎯🧭💫🕯

"Bridge"