#funny thing is ive long been convinced my dad has whatever i have and i stand by that

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

having even more Realisations tonight. these ones are helpful rather than uncomfortable though. they do however raise the question of "how could i be this oblivious i was such an idiot"

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Hiiiiii❣️

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲🌲

⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️⚖️

🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕

Happy writing 😍

HI EL!

Let's do this!

45 for ⚡️:

---

  It’s a lot of information for a teenager Eddie has never met. And, honestly, whether or not she was shy as a kid is not going to be the selling feature on whether or not he wants to adopt her baby. 

Eventually, Pepa must see that Eddie and Buck - and probably Lourdes - are uncomfortable, because she interjects. 

“Maria, how is she supposed to get to know them, hmm? Let’s give them some time to talk.”

Pepa convinces her to take a walk around the block with her. Which, somehow, makes things even more awkward for a bit. Eddie and Buck alone with this girl they don’t know who probably wants things from them. Maybe a minute of awkward silence passes before Lourdes finally speaks up.

“I’m so sorry,” she says. “This is so uncomfortable.”

“It-it’s fine,” Buck assures her.

“I told them not to do this,” she sighs. “Pepa says you already have plans for having a baby. I’m really sorry if you feel, like, obligated to hear me out. We can just say we talked and I’ll say you were really nice, okay?”

Buck and Eddie look at each other. Eddie feels a surge of relief. 

“Sorry,” he says to her. “Yeah, we’d sort of had our hearts set on a different path.”

“I get it,” she says. “My Abuela is just looking out for me.”

Eddie smiles. “They’re good like that.”

“Uh, how far along are you?” Buck asks. “If that’s okay to ask?”

“Almost twenty-five weeks,” Lourdes answers. “She’s due October 19th.”

“Oh, a girl?” Eddie asks.

She nods. “Found out not too long ago.”

“Pepa said it didn’t work out with the original adoptive parents?” Buck asks. 

Lourdes sighs. “It was never going to work out. They’re… They’re exactly like my parents. Not to, like, dump on you guys, or whatever. But I’m not looking to hand my kid off to hard ass, by-the-book Catholics to raise her feeling like she should hate herself, you know?” 

Well… Yeah. Eddie does. 

---

102 for 🌲:

---

 Of course he knows. One hundred and forty days. Exactly. 

“Almost five months, Chris,” Eddie says. “It’ll be five months really soon.”

Chris nods. “I didn’t… I didn’t know that.” 

Eddie frowns. “Uh, what do you mean?” 

“I just… I don’t know…” 

“Chris, are you feeling okay?”

“Uh, my head feels a little funny. Five months is a really long time.” 

Yeah. Five days was too long. Five months is making Eddie sick. 

“It is, buddy,” Eddie says. “Are you… Are you thinking about coming home?”

“I… I think that-”

“Christopher?” 

Helena’s voice and the sound of a door opening cuts into the conversation. Eddie wants to scream. 

“Mom, we were just having a private conversation,” Eddie says. 

“Eddie, I didn’t know you were calling,” she says. She appears behind Christopher with a tight expression on her face.

Christopher blinks. His eyes seem to glaze over a little, like he’s medicated. Eddie is worried about him. He said his head wasn’t feeling right.

“Mom, I don’t need an appointment,” Eddie grumbles. “Can you check on Christopher’s head? He says he isn’t feeling well.”

“I think we should call you back later,” she says. 

“Mom, come on, he-”

“Dad?” Christopher interrupts. “Is something happening?”

“See!” Eddie says. “He’s confused.”

Helena looks livid. Like Eddie has slighted her horribly by implying he could get sick under her care. But people just get sick sometimes. 

“Eddie, I’m going to hang up the phone,” Helena says, reaching to grab it from Chris.

“Mom! For god’s sake, can you just tell me if my son is healthy? If you can’t, I will come out there. We were just talking about how five months is too long.”

Helena’s face goes stony. She looks at Christopher.

“Is that what you said, Christopher?” 

“I… No. No, Grandma, I wouldn’t have said that.” 

Eddie’s jaw drops.

“What?”

“I didn’t think so, sweetie,” Helena says. She looks at Eddie and glares. “Now why don’t you tell your father what we’ve been talking about lately?” 

What? What have they been talking about? What’s going on? Why is Chris lying? 

Chris looks at Eddie. “I don’t want to come home.”

Eddie’s heart is thudding heavily in his chest. “You-you don’t have to, yet. You brought it up, so… I’m sorry if it seemed like I was pressuring you. That’s not what I meant to do.”

He didn’t! He didn’t even pressure him at all! Chris brought it up. He seemed so confused… Eddie is still worried he’s sick or feverish or something. What if he hit his head and they don’t know? What if he has a concussion? 

“That’s not all, Christopher,” Helena says in a gentle, almost lulling voice. “You can say the rest. Don’t be nervous.”

“What?” Eddie demands. “What rest?” 

Chris takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to come home… Ever.”

It feels like the moment the bullet hit Eddie that day in the street. Like his life is over in a snap. Like he can see the end rising to meet him.

“Wh-what?” Eddie asks. “Chris, what are you talking about? Mom, what is he talking about?”

“My needs are all met here,” Chris says in a very flat tone. “I’m happier. I belong in El Paso, with Grandma and Abuelo.”

“No. Chris, no. You can’t stay forever.”

---

39 for ⚖️:

---

Not knowing what’s wrong is more worrying than the explainable thing that briefly killed him. And… Okay, maybe Buck is being ridiculous. But if Maddie radiates this brilliant golden color, Buck is kind of curious to see what his brain will make of Eddie. 

Blue.

Eddie is a cool, wintery blue. Like ice over a lake. It’s a nice color. A calm color. The way he thought Maddie might burn him, he nearly expects Eddie’s touch to be cold. It’s not. It’s just Eddie. Warm and steady when he hugs Buck, relieved he’s alive.

“The craziest shit happens to you,” Eddie says. “You gotta stop that.”

“You’re not one to talk.” 

“No, I only almost die in reasonable ways.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Yeah, sure. Buried in forty feet of mud was totally reasonable.”

“More reasonable than undisclosed illness stemming from boils,” Eddie says. 

“Well, do you at least believe it’s a curse now?” Buck asks. “I’ve literally undergone every diagnostic test in the book.”

Eddie scoffs. “No. It’s not a curse.”

Buck sighs. “Sometimes your skepticism extends beyond the boundaries of regular pragmatism.”

“Okay, SATs.”

iv.

Buck is fine overnight. He wakes up a few times, disturbed by strange dreams of someone trying to talk to him, where it sounds like they’re stuck behind a thick wall. Each time he does, the skin on his left forearm feels hot. He checks his arm with his phone flashlight, expecting to find boils. But it’s nothing. No boils. Not even a rash. Buck is just freaking out. And who could blame him?

In the morning, the visuals he was experiencing the day before have not gone away. 

---

45 for 🤕:

---

They’re not confident they’ll find Buck and Bobby alive. 

Athena arrives on the scene. She’s leveling as many orders to the crane operators and other crew as Chim is. Her being there makes Eddie feel a lot better. Eddie thinks Athena could move literal mountains out of sheer stubbornness if it meant she’d get her husband back. He aims to be such a force. 

There’s not a lot Eddie can do at the moment. Not until more of the collapse site is unearthed. So he watches. Nauseous and anxious. Begging the universe Buck believes in to bring him home. 

At one point, Chim checks in with him. He approaches, hanging up his phone. 

“Maddie’s been updated,” he says. 

“Good,” Eddie nods, thinking of his sister-in-law. For obvious reasons, she always frets over Buck’s safety. At least Chim isn’t down there, too. “She okay?”

“Hanging in there,” Chim says. “It’s not her first rodeo.”

No. No it is not. 

“What about Chris?” Chim asks. “Have you told him?”

Eddie nods. “Had to. I was going to wait until we had more answers, but… He’s old enough now to see this on the news and figure it out.”

He’s not going to let his son hear this from anyone else. The fear of losing a parent is all too real to him.

“Speaking of people who might see this on the news and figure it out,” Chim says, glancing over his shoulder at a news camera. “Should we call Hen?”

“She’s out having a good time,” Eddie says. “You really think she’ll be checking local news?”

“I don’t know,” Chim admits. 

“I’d hate to ruin her vacation prematurely,” Eddie says. 

“You’re right,” Chim nods. “We’ll know more soon.”

Soon. 

Soon Eddie will find out whether or not he still has a husband. 

1:52pm

“Do you see anything?” Buck asks Bobby. His jaw feels heavy.

[trashworldblog]

i think the "nice doing business with you" line from the s5 finale is definitely going to have significance to season 6. there are too many examples of innocuous lines that end up being foreshadowing to overlook it. it's also a general rule of genies that they can't bring things back from the dead, so i think that's going to end up playing into whatever the "deal" with ryan was. the genie could've said it was against the rules to bring prof back, so ryan made another deal to get him back (1/2)

[i think there's also going to be a conflict with time travel in season 6. it's such an integral part of the show, and ryan definitely screwed the timeline by bringing prof and his family back. if we hadn't seen the article with the photo of the prof and his parents' fossils, then i would be a little less convinced of this, but because its explicitly shown onscreen, its very likely that something will go wrong with the timeline (2/2)

oh i also think that the substitute survived defenestration, but i think he's going to be a minor antagonist next season. just a nuisance, if you will. like yeah he's still a problem, but there are much bigger fish to fry than a 1'2" puppet hologram with an obsession with murder (3/3)]

...

sorry for taking so long!! this has been sitting in my drafts and ive been slowly pulling my thoughts together on this so its taken me some time!! (plus ive been chillin with the holidays and such) i appreciate this ask so much!

!disclaimer! i may accidentally pull from shane's commentary on the season finale on pateron. im doing my best not to because i know some people dont have access to patreon content. (plus its fun to make it more challenging) all puppet history lore is like marbles in my brain and its hard to separate what ideas came from where. im doin my best tho!

ok lets jump into it!

i am So. Curious. on how ryan and the genies whole deal is gonna shake out. was that it? will there be consequences? i have a feeling we'll be seeing some kind of fallout from this wish. it feels like they cut their conversation very short for a very specific reason. theres gotta be something going on there.

I think that ryan didnt *technically* wish the professor back to life, he just wished the professor back to the present. i also like the idea used in @ask-the-substitute that ryan used his 3 wishes to bring the professor back and thats how the profs mom and dad got to the present. its so perfect, i love it. just the idea of ryan thinking the first wish didnt work so then he tried again, and again. incredible.

i am curious if there is gonna be any time travel conflict! im not sure what that would look like (my brain kinda melts when it comes to timey wimey bullshit). honestly this is the part im the most unsure of. like theyre probably is consequences, but i dont even know where to start for what that would look like. i still like to think that the article showing the professor's family's bones just faded away like how people in photos did in back to the future.

the substitute ABSOLUTELY survived the defenestration!! watcher hq is one story and im slightly convinced the substitute cant die (unless we go by hot daga hologram logic, in that case you would need a witch and a volcano to kill most holograms [and i dont have a volcano handy])

i hope the substitute turns into either

1) a minor villan thats more annoying/funny then anything.

2) character redemption arc. we really like this funky guy and it would be cool to see him chill out with the stabby stabby. (just a little, he can stabby stabby as a treat)

now it would be REALLY FUNNY if the substitute did ad reads for future seasons Especially for nord vpn and other online security stuff.

i think the bigger fish to fry is gonna be those puppets trapped in the wonderium arena!! we gotta get them outta there and back into their earthly bodies!! how is that gonna happen??? god is asleep, the devil isnt gonna help, and neither is the genie. how the hell do you even get to a purgatory like that? dorthy ruth has moved on even though her husband isnt really dead!!!

what im really curious about for next season is

1) who is gonna be the musical guest. if the professor cant time travel, where is he gonna get his musical talents? will he reuse the substitutes tech to make guests?

2) any new stuff to go with our new professor??

3) are dino mom and dad gonna be involved? casually mentioned? i really hope a guest asks if the professor has a family just so that he can excitedly say "yes!! i do :D"

those are most of my thoughts going into s6! pretty excited to see what next season is going to look like! not sure if its gonna be lore heavy. ill be keeping an eye peeled for any hints 👀 either way, im excited to learn :)

[ashintheairlikesnow]

A Little Bit Stabbed

Jake Gets Stabbed Miniseries: First Second Third Fourth Fifth Sixth

CW: Discussion of past child abuse/domestic violence, description of stab wound, painkillers/drugged but in a good way, brief IV needle reference, some short references to Jake’s religious trauma, some trauma response stuff

“Took four of us to get you onto the couch, you know,” Kauri says, fingers moving gently to brush Jake’s short hair back off his forehead. There’s a hint of humor to his deep voice, but Jake catches the tremor in it, too. “You’re heavier than you look.”

“Must be… pretty fucking heavy, then,” Jake manages, voice slightly thin. They gave him something - Nat’s EMT friend showed up with IV supplies while refusing to tell anyone where they’d gotten ahold of everything from, except to repeatedly reassure all of them I know someone, it’s taken care of, I probably won’t go to jail for this. Besides, I’ve been in jail before.

Jake might not have found it very reassuring if he wasn’t halfway to unconscious from the pain alone at the time.

Now, though, there’s a needle feeding a steady supply of something wonderful into his bloodstream, holding the worst of the pain at bay. All he can feel now is maybe a little bit of an itch he knows better than to scratch, and a heaviness to his limbs that keeps them limp and relaxed. 

“We had to turn the stupid thing into the pull-out bed just to make sure your feet wouldn’t be higher than your head.” Kauri smiles at him, but there’s worry in those warm blue eyes, and Jake uses every ounce of strength to lift his good hand, the one on the uninjured side, and take Kauri’s, pulling his knuckles to his lips to brush against them. 

“I’m okay,” Jake says softly. “I am, Kaur. It’s not so bad.”

“It’s not-... you got fucking stabbed in your own kitchen, Jake.” Kauri’s lips thin and he looks away, over towards the TV, playing Clue.

Funny, Jake thinks, woozy and untethered to any kind of focus. My mom used to play Clue when we were alone, after. Made her feel better for a while.

“Just a… a flesh wound,” Jake manages in a terrible approximation of a British accent.

Kauri just looks at him, expression serious, and leans over until their foreheads touch. He’s warm, and Jake’s eyes close, basking in the body heat that comes off of him, surrounds them both. “Don’t,” Kauri whispers. “Please don’t make jokes. I thought-”

“It’s okay,” Jake murmurs. 

Eventually, he should probably tell someone he can only sort of feel the hand on the injured side. But not now. 

“It’s okay. It’s not s’bad. I got the good drugs, right?”

“Antibiotics and…” Kauri squints at the label on the bag attached to the IV, then winces and shakes his head. “Sorry. Can’t read today. It, uh. It kind of comes and goes when I’m worried, and today-”

“I get it. But… you don’t have to worry about me, Kaur. It’s over, it happened… I’ll feel better pretty fast. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” Kauri says softly, but he relaxes beside Jake, keeping a hold of his hand. His fingers are slightly chilled, but they warm against Jake’s. The two of them settle into silence for a while, a woman in black on the TV with eyes blown wide in comic exaggeration of anger speaking in a blur of sound Jake knows by heart but can’t really pick apart from anything else, not just yet, not right now. 

He knows this movie by heart. He and his mom used to curl up under a blanket while she closed her eyes and prayed for things to get better and Jake prayed for his dad to die in a car accident or some other terrible way, and make it slow, and then pray with terror not to go to hell for thinking like that.

If men like his father go to heaven, Jake would rather burn in hell.

At least my favorite bands would be there, he thinks, and laughs to himself, shoulders shaking a little, sending a ripple of pain down his arm and spiking into his skull. He winces, but the thought still strikes him as too funny to quit circling woozily around his mind, and he keeps laughing a little.

Kauri turns to look at him, eyebrows raised. “What are you laughing at?”

Jake blinks over at him, those wide blue eyes. It had been hell not to be able to hold him for so long, with eyes like that. Real hell, the kind where you spend your days wishing for a connection that seems too hard to make. “Nothing, just… thinking about shit with my dad,” He says, finally. “My mom and I used to watch Clue all the time. It’s her favorite movie.”

“Yeah?” Kauri looks over his shoulder, back at the television, and Jake’s eyes move lazily over the slight bump in his nose where it was broken by someone years ago, the dip of his lips, the roundness of his chin, angling a little with age. The way his neck would feel to trace with just one fingertip, how he smiles when Jake does it, asks him what the fuck he’s looking at when there’s way more to Kauri that needs attention right now than just his face.

There’s a lazy wave of warmth in Jake, a steady thrum of something that goes much deeper than arousal, at the memory.

Adoration.

“Yeah,” He says, softly. “She’d put it on when he left the house, we’d make popcorn and watch it. Saturday night special, popcorn and a movie, Mom and Jake.”

“Where’d your dad go?” Kauri asks, then the answer catches up with him, and he winces. “Wait, sorry. I think I know where he went.”

“Church.”

That is clearly not what Kauri expected to hear. “I-... what?” He turns back to Jake, eyebrows furrowing. “I thought-”

“Nope. He went to church. Fish fry on Saturdays, he volunteered.” Jake is dimly aware that this might be more than he’s ever told Kauri about his father, at least more than he’s ever said that wasn’t laser-focused on the hurts, the bruises, the concussion, the ER visits where Jake learned to lie. “He was a magician with a deep fryer. Best fucking fish I ever ate.” He laughs, then coughs a little against the new round of ache in his shoulder. 

Kauri is quiet for a moment, his eyes searching Jake’s face, maybe looking for an idea of how to respond the right way. Jake knows that look - he’s seen it less and less over the years, but it never fully stops.

Kauri never stops looking for the safe answer, the one that won’t get him hurt. Jake never stops being ready to fight his way out if it happens again. Kauri is still ready to say what the abuser needs to hear, placate and please and keep himself alive.

Jake is still ready to pick up a weapon and use it if his father ever comes near he or his mother again. Not that he ever will. Not that he even wants to, sixteen years after Jake last saw his face. 

But he’s still built, deep within, to fight the threat. And so is Kauri, in his own way. 

“I love you so much,” Jake says softly. “I hope you didn’t pull anything dragging my ass around.”

“Mmmn, guess I’ll find out,” Kauri says softly, snuggling back up to him, then. “Should we change the movie? If it’s, like, a thing for you-”

“Nah.” Jake smiles, slightly. He feels pleasantly drunk, on whatever the painkiller slowly drip-feeding into his arm is. A little woozy, a little bit in love with it. “It’s like a comfort thing, really. I should call my mom-”

“I already did,” Kauri says, gently pushing him back down as Jake tries to make himself sit up. “She’s driving up. She said she’ll get here in the morning, she had to find someone to watch her dog.”

Jake blinks twice. “Mom has a dog?”

“I think it’s new. But, um. You can’t exactly meet her at her hotel, Jake. She’s gonna have to come here.”

Jake feels a rush of old nerves prickling along his arms, the hair of his neck trying to stand up. He closes his eyes, tries to push it back down. “I’ve never given her my address. It’s not safe for us. What if-... I don’t know. I’ve just never… I’ve always worried that if he found her, you know, that he’d… convince her to tell him where I live. He’d turn us all in just to feel like the big righteous moral hero all over again. Probably hard to feel that way when you’re hitting a teenager. Easier when you’re turning in vigilantes with stolen property.” He spits the words, and Kauri flinches a little. “Shit. Sorry, Kaur.”

“No, it’s. It’s okay. I get what you mean. But I don’t think your mom would do that. She loves you.”

“She does.” Jake exhales, closes his eyes. Inside him there is still an angry child that wants to point out that it hasn’t always been enough. But there’s a grown man, and a decade of fucking therapy, telling him there’s a whole lot more to it than that. “And she’s finally come around to understanding why I do this. Yeah… yeah, we’ll tell her where I am. It’ll be fine. Honestly, it’s not so bad. Jameson really did a great job on the stabbing.” Jake tries to laugh again. “Fucking surgeon with a butcher knife. He managed to miss every fucking bit of me that would have killed me.”

“Except for if you bled out,” Kauri points out, voice small. 

“Yeah… but I didn’t.” Jake thinks of Antoni’s face, the focus in his dark eyes, the quick movement of his hands, the blinding agony of the cloth being forced into the wound to soak up the blood, the way Antoni had leaned all his weight forwards to put enough pressure to staunch the bleeding. Jake had never felt pain like that before, and he’s not sure he could handle feeling it again. “Ant was there. It’ll be okay. Where is he?”

“In his room.” Picking at the heavy thick blanket laid over Jake, not quite looking at him now, Kauri asks, “How are you so calm about this?”

“Drugs,” Jake answers right away. “Like ninety percent drugs.” He groans as a throbbing ache travels from the stab wound, up into his skull, all the way down to his toes. “Fuck. The… whatever’s in there helps. But also…” Jake sighs, letting his eyes drift to the ceiling, over the popcorn-texture there. He’d meant to scrape it clean and smooth, when he bought the house, but other stuff kept taking priority, and he hadn’t gotten around to it yet. “This isn’t th’ first time, you know?”

Kauri frowns. “Jake, I have licked just about everything on your body, I’ve never seen a scar from-”

“Not… not stabbed. But… stuck here, on a couch-bed, tryin’... tryin’ to heal from shit. That’s not new.” Jake exhales. Above him, the blades of the ceiling fan circle lazily, and his eyes follow the movement of the shadows. 

“No, I guess not.”

“In any case… I haven’t s-seen… Jameson’s upstairs, right? Can you get him down here?”

Something passes over Kauri’s face, a shadow, a discomfort and darkness that Jake can’t quite read. “Jameson’s not in the house, Jake.”

“What? Why?” Jake starts trying to sit up again, and this time Kauri’s gentle push isn’t enough to get him back down. He grinds his teeth against the pain and forces himself upright, trying to shift his legs over the side of the bed. The room spins around him, dizzy-sick flip in his stomach, but he ignores it. He’s felt worse than this and kept moving before. “Shit, fuck, I should’ve made sure he didn’t leave-”

“He didn’t. I made him go.”

The look Jake turns on Kauri is baffled, but there’s anger, too, welling up inside him. “You what?”

“I told him he can’t stay here if he’s a danger to you and the others,” Kauri says, but he cringes back from Jake’s expression, instinctive fear. Jake hates how he looks like his dad - huge and muscular, a threat inherent in his existence that he might not give off if he were smaller. But his bulk and his strength is also the thing that makes him capable of withstanding the danger he puts himself in for them. It’s the reason he could come home and pick Chris up with a broken rib and carry him after they raided the last safehouse he’d lived in. It’s the reason he could finally fight back with his dad. It’s the reason the kids at his new schools, one after another after another as he and his mom moved constantly to try not to be found, left him alone. 

“Kauri, he can’t-... Jameson’s not. He can’t live on his own.”

“That’s a lie,” Kauri says, lips barely moving. “That’s a lie they tell us-”

“No, that’s not what I-... Jameson’s like Chris,” Jake says, softly. “Like Chris used to be. He was treated like an animal, Kauri. He didn’t get to use fucking utensils to eat in the last two places he was held, he told me himself. He can’t live on his own yet. If you kicked him out… Jesus Christ, Kauri, do you not remember how it felt when you were kicked out?”

Kauri looks like he’s been slapped. “Wait, Jake-... I didn’t mean-”

“We found you half-dead under a goddamn bush, Kauri, you can’t do that to someone else just because I got a little bit stabbed! Shit. Fuck. I gave him a burner phone, if he’s still got it on him, maybe I can call-”

“Jakob fucking Stanton!” Kauri yells so rarely, and Jake goes still, turning to look at him, seeing the anger written across Kauri’s face. Kauri angry is electric, and immensely sexy, and something Jake had gone so long thinking he would never see unless Vincent Shield showed up with a new idea for how to make up for all his failures by forcing himself around someone who hated him. “Will you fucking listen to me?!”

Jake just sits there, staring at him. He can’t even find the words. Eventually, he just nods.

“I didn’t kick him out on the street, I’m not that awful, and fuck you for thinking I am and we’re going to talk about that later when you aren’t half off your head from painkillers. I don’t want him here until you’re feeling better in case it happens again, so I-... so I sent him home with Nat. She doesn’t have anyone living with her right now, and she said okay, so he’s going to stay with her.” Kauri swallows, reaching slowly out to lay his hand on Jake’s leg. “He and I talked. He said it’s always been men, Jake. All of the ones who hurt him were men, one of them was... was really big like you, I guess. So I thought-... if he’s with Nat, maybe it won’t happen again for long enough for him to, to work it through in therapy and Dr. Berger maybe can give him, give him s-something to help. So maybe he won’t, um, hallucinate or… or w-whatever the next time.” Kauri’s eyes well up, glimmer with tears that don’t fall. “I was trying to help. I thought he’d feel safer with only a woman, maybe, and I sent him alone so that he’d know he can’t hurt Allyn, he was really scared of that, and…”

Jake’s mouth hangs open.

Kauri slumps over, his forehead slowly resting against Jake’s back where he sits slightly behind him now that Jake is nearly off the bed. “I had to make sure everyone’s safe. I didn’t know what else to do. I sent Chris to stay with Laken overnight but he’ll be back tomorrow, Antoni’s fucked up but he’s in his room and he’s safe, and all the rescues promised to stay in their rooms and Allyn tried to go with Jameson and I think they hate me now because I said no, but I didn’t-... I tried to think of what you would do, if it had been Chris or me he’d hurt. I was trying to be like you. I’m s-sorry if I fucked it up, I’m sorry, please, I thought you were going to die, please don’t be mad at me-”

“Kauri.” Jake turns, and uses his good hand to lift Kauri’s chin, meeting his eyes. 

Blue on blue, always. 

“I’m not mad,” He says, gently. “Not… not now. You’re right, I shouldn’t have… just been a shit deciding what you did without asking. I’m sorry. So, let me just… you spent the last couple of hours really fucking busy, huh?”

Kauri nods, kissing Jake’s fingertips, one by one. “I’m sorry,” He whispers. “I’m not… I’m not good at this, I’m not... not... I was so scared. I didn’t know what you would do, Jake, and Nat said she thought it was a good idea, so-”

“It is. It is a good idea.” Kauri blinks, surprised, and the tears that have been threatening finally run, clear as crystal, down his flushed cheeks. He looks like a fucking sculpture, Jake thinks to himself, like some artist’s idea of the perfect beautiful person. “Kauri, just. Now that I get what you were trying to do… Shit. That’s really smart.”

Kauri huffs a laugh, a kind of half-sobbing sound, and shakes his head. “It’s just, I was just guessing-”

“That’s all we ever do, too,” Jake says, voice soft. “We guess, at what we can do to help. Nat always says we make the hard choices when nobody else can. Kauri, that’s the smartest fucking idea. I’m… that’s some grace under fire shit. That’s amazing.”

“It… it is?”

“Yeah.” Jake kisses him, and Kauri tastes like mouthwash, like mint, kisses back with desperate intensity. “Yeah, Kaur. That’s even better than what I would have done. You’re so fucking smart. What made you decide to slum it with me?”

“You have a really good d-dick and I don’t w-w-want to lose access,” Kauri says, and he’s crying or laughing or maybe both. “You’re my eye candy.”

“You’re my Einstein.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself,” Jake says softly. 

“Heal a little first.” Kauri sighs, half-smiling, pulling Jake back into the bed to lay down again. “Everyone’s safe, Jake. At least for now. Everyone’s okay. You need to rest, and everyone’s going to be okay.”

Jake lets his head be maneuvered back onto the pillow, feels Kauri settle back down next to him, pulling the blankets back up over them both. He’s silent for a while, lets the soft sound of the end of the movie wash over him, showing the different endings.

“I love you,” He whispers. The way the adrenaline is fading makes him sleepy, drifting in a new drowsy haze, ready to dose off again. “So much.”

“Love you, too,” Kauri murmurs. 

He knows this - the couch-bed pulled out, watching movies and stand-up comedy at a low volume, a throb of pain somewhere that will heal only with time - by heart.

With Kauri’s weight and warmth beside him, it feels entirely, completely new.

-

@astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @whump-tr0pes @raigash @moose-teeth @orchidscript @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @eatyourdamnpears @boxboysandotherwhump @whumptywhumpdump @whumpfigure @outofangband @downriver914 @justabitofwhump @thehopelessopus @butwhatifyouwrite @yet-another-heathen @nonsensical-whump @newandfiguringitout @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whumpiary @endless-whump

[mearcatsreturns]

15 for Abby/Luka

For reasons ;)

Under a cut because it's long.

July 2003

To: Luka Kovac <“croatdoctor65@aol.com”>

From: Abby Lockhart <“nursefirecracker@yahoo.com”>

Subject: I’m drowning and praying ghosts are real

Dear Luka,

Something about knowing that I’ll never talk to you again is just unbearable. I’ll never laugh at your malapropisms, look into your beautiful eyes, feel your strong hands holding mine, or make love to you again. There won’t be any more jokes about jam and cheese on toast, or you teasing me for my weak but constant supply of coffee. I’ll never hear your amazing, deranged laughter after you prank someone again. No more of your hugs—which are somehow the best hugs in the world. Because you’re gone.

It’s been three days since we got the call telling us you died thousands of miles from home, whether that’s here in Chicago or in Croatia. I didn’t know your dad’s name, Luka. We needed to call him, and I didn’t know. How did I not know? And now I can’t. I mean, L’Alliance told us his name, but the fact that I’ll never learn pieces of your history, of the wonderful man you are, FROM you...how am I supposed to go on and live my life?

For years, I’ve thought medicine was my great thwarted love. I’ve wanted to be a doctor for so long, and I thought I was bitter about having to let go of that dream. Now I wonder. I let obstacles get in the way of pursuing medicine, and it’s made me...well, it’s part of why I was so unhappy. But that makes me think about how I also let obstacles get in the way of us. I was happy with you, you know, until I let fear and my mother and Carter get in the way. God, I wish I could do that over again. We could have had everything, and if I hadn’t gotten in my own way, I’d be happy. I think maybe I could have made you happy, too.

It’s funny. I knew things with Carter weren’t working, and he implied you were part of it. I said it wasn’t, but then five minutes later, I found out you were—are—dead. And I realized you were the reason, or one of the big ones. As soon as Chuny told me, I knew I loved you and had loved you for years. Yeah. Great timing, isn’t it? I keep thinking that maybe I could have kept you from going if I had known or if I had told you. I didn’t want you to go when I thought you were my very attractive friend and ex that I still was fond of. Knowing that I love you—how do I move past that? Knowing that I lost you, first to my stupidity and then to death?

I just...I miss you, and I don’t when I’ll stop, or how to. Susan caught me crying on my last shift, and I didn’t even know what to say. I feel like I’ve been crying or standing still, brittle and stuck in time, since I heard the news. I can’t, Luka. I know I have to keep on moving, and I thought maybe writing you would help. I know you’ll never see this, never have a chance to respond. But the idea that some fragments of your soul linger and can maybe sense...I don’t know. That I’m writing? What I’m feeling? Jesus, this is crazy.

All my love,

Abby

Abby angrily swipes the tears from her eyes. God, what’s the point of writing this? He’ll never see hsi email or her again. Just...without Luka, how can the world be anything but grim and sad and pointless?

She laughs mirthlessly. Maybe it doesn’t matter. No, she knows it doesn’t. Because Abby knows the futility of it, aches with the meaninglessness, she presses send without another thought.

&&&

Three days after that, a miracle occurs. Luka, the Lazarus of this new millennium, comes back from the dead. He’s never been dead, and maybe, Abby thinks, there’s a God above after all. So many people wish for this exact boon, and she—they, the world—gets it. Some higher power believes this planet is a better place with Luka Kovac in it, and Abby is ecstatic.

Until she remembers the email and that they can’t be unsent.

It’s fine. She’ll be fine. Luka is coming back, apparently with a French nurse. Maybe he’ll just delete it without reading it. Maybe it didn’t go through—how does email work for the dead, and how quickly is all that processed?

Abby shakes her head. It doesn’t matter; Luka is alive and returning to them. She can handle a little awkwardness in the face of the sheer joy of knowing the world is a brighter, kinder place. He’s coming back, and that’s what’s important.

&&&

August 2003

It takes Luka almost a week after returning to Chicago to convince Kerry and the other staff to let him go back to his apartment. Even so, they only agree when Gillian assures them she’ll see to his every need.

Abby winces when she hears that, and it makes something flutter in Luka’s chest. Which probably isn’t good for his malaria, but the hope...that is.

It’s another two days of lying in bed before he has the energy to ask Gillian to bring him his laptop. At this point, it’s been months since he’s checked his email, and Luka grimaces at the undoubtedly horrible state of his inbox. He briefly considers never checking again and just getting a new one, but he knows his father struggled to add him to his contacts once already. To expect it of him again would be absurd.

With a sigh, Luka opens his email. It’s just as bad as he feared. He snorts at the myriad messages about Viagra, Nigerian princes, and Russian brides, deleting them without thought. He saves a couple from his dad. He slowly whittles down his inbox, but he freezes when he gets to one email in particular, sent about a month ago.

It’s from Abby, during the time everyone thought he was dead.

Luka considers calling and asking her if someone hacked her email or is sending spam from her account, but the subject line...it looks real. And Abby’s been odd around him lately, seeming both deliriously happy to see him and awkwardly nervous.

His heart pounds, and he clicks to open it. If this is a spammer, they’re probably about to get whatever they want.

&&&

Abby pours herself another coffee, internally swearing as she prepares for the last two hours of her shift. Deciding to go back to school is great; having to coordinate all the details is less thrilling and leaves her tired and cranky.

Frank ducks his head into the lounge, beady eyes narrowing on her. “Hey, Abby. The Croat is on the phone for you. Line 2. Try to get back out there as fast as you can, Weaver’s yelling at the med students about IVs.”

“Okay, Frank,” Abby says, though she flushes and her palms start to sweat. It’s fine. She can always hide the panic and butterflies in her stomach with sarcasm. It has yet to fail her.

Frank gives her one last suspicious look, then nods and heads back to Admit.

Abby takes a deep breath, then picks up the phone. “Hey, Luka?”

“It’s me. Glad I could reach you. How are you?” He sounds...ugh. So good. And eager and happy, and her heart could leap right out of her chest.

“Doing all right. I just have a couple hours left on this shift, and it hasn’t been too awful today. Only one MVA. How about you? You feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Recovering. Listen, did you want to come over for dinner?”

“Please tell me you’re not trying to cook.”

“What? I’m a good cook, even if you don’t appreciate wonderful, traditional Croatian dishes,” he says with a chuckle.

“Luka, you just got out of the hospital five days ago. You still need to be resting.”

“Abby, don’t worry so much. I was just kidding. I have some sandwiches from Manny’s, and Anna sent me home with lots of matzo ball soup too.”

Abby bites her lip. Of course she wants to go. But the prospect of spending the evening with Gillian cooing over Luka, knowing that she shares a bed with him, is decidedly less appealing. And there’s the email she sent, which Luka hasn’t acknowledged. He might well have deleted it, or he’s giving her a gracious out.

Her conscience twinges as soon as she thinks about bailing, though. Didn’t she promise herself she wouldn’t take life for granted anymore? She’ll go back to med school, she’ll have dinner with Luka when he asks.

“Abby?”

She starts, realizing she needs to respond. “Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I can do that. I can be there an hour after my shift, if that’s okay.”

“Sounds great. Looking forward to seeing you.”

“Me too.” He has no idea how much, even if she wishes she knew for sure that he’d deleted the email.

&&&

Abby rings Luka’s doorbell three and a half hours later. She’d meant to come straight from work, but after a patient vomited on her, she decided to head home, shower, and splurge on a taxi to Luka’s. The poor man is recovering from being deathly ill and doesn’t need County’s fumes making things worse.

There’s the sound of the deadbolt sliding, and Luka answers the door, grinning happily at her. “Good, you made it! Come on in!”

“I did. Sorry it took me longer than expected.” Abby steps into his apartment, looking around. It’s been such a long time since she’s been here, and she notes the subtle changes in the art and decor.

“No worries. I know how it goes.” He places a hand at the small of her back, guiding her inside.

Abby stiffens for a second at how his touch burns even through the layers of her shirt and light jacket, but she relaxes, enjoying the feel while she waits for Gillian to appear and end the fleeting joy.

Luka is unfazed. “Now, of course we can just eat the sandwiches, but if you want to heat up the matzo ball soup, you can. Since you don’t want me standing,” he says with a wink.

Abby smiles back, shaking her head. “Oh, I see how it is. Make the woman who worked all day do more household work when she gets ho—wait, where’s Gillian? Isn’t she supposed to be taking care of you?”

“She’s not here,” he says simply.

Going to the fridge and taking out the containers of soup, Abby places them in the microwave. Is Gillian out for the evening, or is she gone gone? “Shouldn’t you be with her? Or her here with you, whatever.”

Luka is quiet for a long minute, and Abby wonders if he intends to answer. Finally, he breaks the silence. “I asked her to leave.”

Abby’s pulse speeds up. “What? Why?”

Luka takes a deep breath, clearly ready to respond, and—

The microwave dings, and they both jump. Exchanging a sheepish look, they laugh.

“Look, let’s get some food, and I’ll tell you all about it.”

Abby dishes up their soup and sandwiches, preparing trays so they can sit on the couch. Luka turns on the television, and Abby’s heart rate comes back under control. They sit together in companionable silence while they eat and watch Thom and Jai and the rest of the Fab 5 whip some hapless lawyer’s life into order. When they finish their meal, Abby cleans up, taking the trays back to the kitchen.

She heads back to the couch at the opposite end from Luka, not daring to get closer when she really has no idea what’s going on.

Luka clears his throat and mutes the TV. “So, yeah. I asked Gillian to leave.”

“Oh. So, um, did you break up?”

“She was never my girlfriend, really. She has a boyfriend back in Montreal, they just…” Luka shrugs and runs a hand through his hair.

Abby is more lost than ever. “Ah.”

Taking a deep breath, Luka continues, finally looking over at her. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful she helped me get here and took care of me, but we were never serious.”

Something starts to tug at Abby’s heart, squeezing and twisting and kicking to get free. Is it...hope? “Well, I’m glad she got you here safe, but you should have someone staying with you while you recover, Luka. Malaria is dangerous.”

He gives her a look. “I know how dangerous malaria is. I’m getting better. And besides, it wouldn’t have been fair for me to ask her to stay when things are over because I’m in love with someone else.”

Her heart leaps into her throat. “Someone else?” she squeaks.

Luka nods, swallowing. “Yeah. And I have a reason to think she might be in love with me too.” He slides over to her side of the couch, reaching for her hand.

Abby meets his eyes—those beautiful green eyes that are the best color in the world—and squeezes his hand, incapable of words. Does he mean…?

With his other hand, Luka reaches up and cups her cheek, running his thumb along the subtle arch of her cheekbone. “Abby, if you’ve changed your mind since you sent that email, please tell me to shut up.”

That stupid, ridiculous email might be the best thing she’s ever done in her life. She leans into his hand, licking her lips as she shakes her head slightly. “I haven’t changed my mind. I didn’t mean for you to see it and hoped I could learn how to hack computers and delete it but—”

Luka cuts her off. “I would never forgive you if you managed to delete it. You wouldn’t believe how much faster I healed after that.”

Abby leans forward, sliding into Luka’s waiting arms. “Then maybe I’ll write you some more emails.”

“Emails aren’t what I want right now,” Luka says.

Funny, Abby doesn’t either. Then his lips brush hers, and all her worries and fears fade away. She knows she has to tell him about med school and he needs to finish recuperating, but when Luka deepens their kiss and pulls her closer, Abby ceases to think at all.

She has Luka back, and now they have each other again.

[daimonhalos]

Aight this is the second time I watch it but I'm gonna do a commentary on the latest bad's lore stream! Just for funsies, I might have honestly already forgotten some stuff so I wanna keep my thought process :3 let's go, commentary under the cut.

There's also some small theories/analysis in some points but nothing too much, just me rambling cause pain.

The pre stream song. Faster and Bad never change please.

I love so so so much the ominous soundtracks he puts as background for lore man it's just so coooool.

Reality check pre/post lore my beloved 💜

that little meh eh eh. is everything

he's just on a boat at night and but can already see he's got shaders on, this means PRETTY VISUALS AHEAD. Also i really like bits beginning with the character alone heading towards their destined direction, it's just pleasing

HIM TAKING DOWN ANTI EGG POSTERS. KING SHIT

Can't believe I got to hear "muffinhead" in lore voice.

Not even inside the room and HOLY SHIT they covered it all with the red bricks block IM AAAAH IT'S SO PRETTY. Like before the vines were all put at random but now they're neatly placed and it's actually aesthetically pleasing? I love it

DANCEFLOOR DANCEFLOOR DANCEFLOOR

The table. is . so. is so . it's so prebby,,, help like i'd live there man

Bad being overwhelmed by the egg's voice and lowkey scared. FINE IM FINE

No other choice. And the way he repeated it like a mantra? Kind of like to convince himself? AHHH

SKEPPY. SKEPP

small,, small egg staircase

haha fuckign pain. p a i n. just pain it sounds a lot like Skeppy before actually stayed with Bad cause it annoyed him how much he wanted to hang out like old times,,,,, my heart pangs

IM JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU

I CARE ABOUT YOU *passes out*

bad scared the egg is skeppy's bff now /j (have to joke through the pain,,)

BADBOY i swear to god he knows his audience. he just does.

Bad doing whatever he can to even just hang out a few minutes with skeppy. Bro, the tears inside

"I'm comfortable right here." "Skeppy I know you are-" THE WAY BAD'S VOICE BROKE HERE HOLY SHIT LEMME CLIP IT.

He talks to chat. HE TALKS TO CHAT THIS MEANS WE ARE CANON THUS we are either little angels or demons around him or a mix or, we're particles that make up Rat ♥

"All of this is for him" okay stab me next time it'll hurt less

BADBOY STARTING TO BE CONFLICTED BECAUSE HE NEVER HAS A FUCKING BREAK

s- w- skeppy kept the egg alive? okay so ive been thinking about the fact that skeppy became completely red and like wow what if it kinda is that hes literally become a small part of Egg? like, i wonder if someone breaks it, if he feels pain

Skeppy so dry with his responses. stop i will cry

bad. bad why are you bringing up selfies to a lore stream bad-

"why are you still talking to me" "okay..." stop stop PLEASE STOP-

smol growls, he's getting frustrated

idk why but skeppy talking about the perimeters made me laugh it was just funny how far away he was and just started talking about it randomly

"i think it looked a little bit better before" thoughts being thunk

"what's it gonna take for you to stop talking to me?" literally i am deceased s t o p

STOP STEPPIN ON THE MAGMA BLOCKS SIR YOU'RE HURTING

Bad shouldn't be so happy about just having "one last walk around" with skeppy so he "stops bothering" him tHIS HURTS SO MUCH the egg has fucked them up so much

Skeppy doesn't hear it huh? Maybe it whispers different things to everyone

"I like how it feels" nooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOP HURTING TOURSELF

so no dance? *slams phone on the ground*

When skeppy says his line about never seeing anything close to a party there, idk what it is about it but his tone just hits, man he's so good preesh

HE CALLED HIM ANT. BAD PLS YOUR BEING BAD AT NAMES IS SHOWING

"Oh my goodness you're going back to the egg" HE'S SO SAD. HE'S SO SAD CAUSE HE COULDNT KEEP HIM WITH HIM A LITTLE BIT LONGER HES S

"you know what? i invite you" i wanna read this in a certain way. The egg was feeling like bad was so frustrated he started doubting the egg, so it was like alright let's use skeppy to get it closer to I can manipulate this bad boy better :)) motherfuck

are they about to kiss-

egg cockblocker

"okay don't come back" end me rn

ngl when sapnap joined I got real scared for a moment.

"it's not about power! it's nor about control! i'm you friend skeppy!" "I mean ... you can think that" FUCK U NO IM NOT DEALING WITH THIS RN

"We're friends, right?"

"In your head we can be best friends, we can be whatever you want" BDI ANYONE??????? also whatever- whatever he wants? :eyes: okay sorry no ill see myself out

"We're m- we are friends sk-" M- MARRIED WAS HE GONNA SAY MARRIED DID HE PULL A QUACKITY OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GUY OH MY GOD /pos but also like in a bawling my eyes out way

the egg is more than just a friend? skep u good there pal do u have smth to tell us

"You don't know what it's like." OH HERE HE GOES. HERE HE GOES HERE IT COMES OH NO.

The way Bad stutters i really thought he was gonna say something REALLY IMPACTFUL

"I have done so much for you, for our friendship and now you're trying to tell me we're not friends anymore?" LEAVE ME ALONE

I JUST CAUGHT THE BLOOPER HE SAID ON ME INSTEAD OF HANG OUT WITH ME IM CRYING OH MY GOD BAD HOW DID U FUCK THAT UP oh my god I imagine him mentally going like oh my gosh out of all the things that could be messed up THAT WAS SO FUNNY

ahaha my dads are fighting help

"You think you've done anything? You seriously think that?" *looks at my fic where bad feels worthless because the egg said so* ahah... I'm sorry?

"You left me for a long, long long time before you even checked up on me, okay?" he's not wrong,,,, he's not wrong why does this hurt sm,,,,, "and now all of a sudden you care about me?" OH MY GOD PLEASE I HATE THIS EGG

I see them... i see them approaching the lava blocks..

"the past doesn't matter" the egg wanting to erase their relationship so much,,,, i wanna cry because then if bad doesn't have skeppy he just has nothing right and then,,, then he can be another empty vessel for the fucking egg I hate this mI hate this so much

Also!!! little things I noticed!! Bad taking away part of the vine and also mining a red block? Without being affected at all? MHHHH

"I just wanted us to hang out like we used to" BAD'S VOICE CRACKING AGAIN STOP I WILL CJRYSD

"I did all of this for you and I didn't want the egg to take that away" you see how fucking tragic this is. Like Skeppy sacrificed himself so his friend could stop being infected. Bad sacrificed literally the whole server himself included to get him back. And then it comes down to this. The egg separating them a thousand fucking miles away. I hate this it's so sad

the selfish bit please no stop

THE LAVA BAD THE LAVA PLEASE IT'S TOO CLOSE

the fucking shaking with rage thing got me BROOOO I LOVE WHEN BAD DOES THE LITTLE THINGS IN GAME

"IT'S JUST A STUPID EGG" FUCKING FINALLY YOU TELL HIM BAD but then oh no oh no would you look at that huh. cant fucking have shit in dsmp. the way he immediately just screams for him right after

YOU CAN HEAR THE TEARS IN HIS VOICE and also mine hi I'm sobbing again

BDI FUCKING CANON LET'S GOOOOOOO WE CALLED ITTTT

(Dreamscape?)Skeppy being actually concerned with him haha this doesn't hurt at all!!!

*stares at black screen* I'm fine.

Thank you for listening to my ramble I am hurting so much bestie

[enderwalk]

What's something you find hard to do because of autism?-Have you ever used a weighted blanket?-Do you headcanon any characters as autistic? -If you want, tell us why you headcanon them as autistic.-If you have any, what are your special interests?

ooohohoohoh. oh. oh anon you made a mistake with the fictional characters one. all of my favorite characters are nd in some way if i think hard enough but lemme answer these in order before i get too excited

for the first one. socializing. my parents always just thought i was a shy kid and other kids always thought i was just weird but i just didnt understand how to socialize?? im still kinda bad at it but i think its mostly just masking because i feel like im reciting a script whenever i talk to new people. small talk is my worst nightmare why do we need this small talk script, i get its polite but it makes me feel like i want to crawl into a hole and never come out. also deciphering tone. so i think just social cues?? i also just hate when people want me to high five them because i stand there confused not sure if theyre waving or what. low fives are even worse, whenever my dad did them to me i got confused and thought he wanted me to give him whatever was in my hand.

i answered the weighted blanket one, and yes! i love weighted blankets but i dont use mine that often because its not really soft. when its not like. 100+ degrees. i just pile on like fifteen blankets. (i wish that was a joke but damien knows its very real. it ends up weighing over thirty pounds and i Cannot move under them)

AND NOW THE QUESTIONS IM SO EXCITED TO ANSWER. OKAY.

FIRST OFF. c!ranboo is autistic. you cant convince me otherwise. im sorry but endermen are already autism coded as is, and then you take our favorite socially inept enderboy. i can project so hard on him its unreal. ghostbur is also autistic and friend is his service animal. autism dogs? no. autism sheep. also outside of the dsmp, jack kline is definitely autistic. i wrote a whole analysis back in 2018 before i knew i was autistic which is really funny to me considering i was writing down autistic traits and went "i do all of these btw" and then it didnt click. id write why i hc them all autistic but this is already SO long and i feel like most people aren't reading anymore at this point LMAO

and yues i have special interests!! I have a few!!! minecraft has been my one ongoing special interest since i was like. eleven. i played it nonstop then and watched batclone and team crafted nonstop when i was younger, and then was embarrassed to watch it. and then dream smp comes along!! i'd liked wilbur from soothouse and i watched him on smp earth a bit (and funnily enough didnt like tommy at ALL) and then followed wilbur to dsmp!! and now im here!! doctor who is also a big special interest, ive got so many doctor who related things. ive got posters and figurines and pop figures and books and merch. i had a whole eleventh doctor cosplay and several sonic screwdrivers. and supernatural!! i was into supernatural for YEARS man. one special interest that isnt fandom related is cryptozoology. i fucking adore cryptids. fresno nightcrawlers?? theyre so fucking shaped. i love them. theyre little friends and walk so funny and the coolest thing is that fact or faked could NOT recreate them no matter how hard they tried. i also just love the clip of the little one running theyre so <3 i love cryptids man dont get me started

[lollybliz]

bout to make a Monster of a fic rec post here we go

heyo @jinx108! We’ll start with the complete ones because sometimes you’re just not in the mood to wait for the last chapter, you know? I don't remember details of all of these so i’m just going to copy the author’s summary rather than write my own. I am literally just going through my bookmarks, I got 400 of these to sort through. if ive talked to or am familiar with the author im gonna mention them, but if I mention you and you don't want me to have Please tell me and i’ll remove it.

If you’re not into spoilers Please Tread Carefully, I don't watch out for that stuff so I wont know to label it

1>Crushing Truth by Bunzuku: Tododeku. “Romance is hard enough for a teenager to understand when they have a good relationship role model. For Shoto, it takes two excited meddlers for him to even realize what his feelings really are.“

2>Disowned by b00mgh: tododeku + others. Unrated, some traumatic elements. “Shouto freaks out under a bridge and I use the word "grass" a lot more than I really should. Izuku does his stupid martyr thing and everyone makes continuous references to his propensity to break his bones. Aizawa goes "oh FUCK my kids are dying again" and his students use him as emotional (and physical) support. A friend requests angst, I say what kind, she say idk make someone get disowned and i say oh this I can absolutely provide my good buddy.”

3>cotton candy hands by @chonideno: Kiribaku. I will take Any excuse to rec this fic, its the most fluffy pile of feels Good Lord. also the first fic I ever bound into a physical book. “Studying to become a hero requires knowing how to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need help on the way so if your crush offers to do your hair for you or to give you a well-deserved back rub, it'd be stupid to say no. A series of soft vignettes in which a love-struck Kirishima and a touch-starved Bakugou care for each other and it's definitely not making their hearts jump through hoops, they’re never this close to kissing, no, they're totally best friends bro“

4>Catching Sight of the Storm by neo7v: Kiribaku, tododeku. A considerable amount of Whump and related angst, and kinda sad tbh. “Blind. Quirkless. Useless.The first two things were stated clearly by the doctor that sat about five feet in front of Izuku. The third was a word that Kacchan called him everytime he failed to make the jump on whatever forest excursion they were on or when he ran into a tree because he hadn’t seen it. “I’m so, so sorry, Izuku.” Was his mom giving up on him already? But he could still be a hero if he tried hard enough, right? Quirkless or not. Blind or not. Just because Izuku was useless now didn’t mean he would stay that way forever, right? *** A Blind!Izuku AU”

5>Yell Heah by fakecharliebrown: Chatfic. M a n y pairings. technically complete, but part of an ongoing series. “Iida creates a group-chat for Class 1-A. It doesn't go as planned.“

6>Sunshine by Rosey_Note: BIG SAD. tw- failed suicide attempt. KiriKamiBaku. “They didn't deserve to put up with his crappy mood. Because Denki Kaminari did not feel like Sunshine right now. And they deserved sunshine. In fact, Denki didn't feel much of anything right now.“

7>Electric Connection by  Onlymostydead: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk has always had... Weird side affects. Like his ADHD. And his constant energy. And his insomnia, which wouldn't leave him be right now, when he really needed to just get some sleep. But, thankfully, he has good friends.“

8>The Best (The Worst) by Onlymostydead: no romantic pairing. tw- rampant transphobia, both outside and internalized. “Bakugou Katsuki has known who he was since he was four years old. He was a boy, it was as simple as that. Around his friends, at school... But things couldn't just be that simple, could they?“

9>Lichtenberg Figures by Q_loves_you: no definite romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki has a very powerful force of nature running through his body. Kaminari Denki doesn't want to hurt anybody. He doesn't always get what he wants, and "anybody" does generally include himself.“

10>Eventuality by KikaTouka: ill be honest I don't remember this one at all, I maaaay not have read it yet :/. anyway. ShinKami. “Shinsou learns more than just hero lessons after being transferred to 1-A.“

11>Pickup Lines for the Soul by MustardSoup: ShinKami. “Denki is twelve when he is flicking through the TV channels and lands on an old RomCom movie about soulmate marks – specifically the same type that he has. “I can’t believe I’ve had to walk around with a cheap pickup line written on my ankle my entire life because of you!” The leading lady yells at the leading man as he stares at her in awe. Denki laughs. “Oh no.” His mother says, watching him. “Oh no, indeed.” His sister repeats quietly.“

12>caught in my own web by @anxioussailorsoldier: ShinKami. “Shinsou needs some help after getting caught up in his capture weapon. Kaminari enters from stage left.“

13>not so summer love by nataliya: ShinKami. “Class 2-B’s common room, although typically quiet, was currently filled with five students—three slowly giving up on homework, one bitching about noise and another that rushes through the front door. “We’ve been waiting for you—” Mina starts, but Kaminari’s vaulting over the back of the couch, eyes wide as he practically buzzes out of his skin, emitting light like crazy as currents dazzle across strands of hair. “I have a big ugly crush,” He steps off the couch and onto the coffee table, much to Bakugou’s chagrin, “On big ugly Shinsou.””

14>Blamed by coldandhotsoba: ShinKami. Tw- they fuckin kill a guy and its a lil nasty. “This was not how the day was supposed to end. They were supposed to end the day like they do most nights.  Kaminari clutching onto him like a koala as he slept, wrapped in the millions of tacky blankets Kaminari had bought. Warm and safe in their bed. It was not supposed to end with both of them tied up in some cold metal room.“

15>Lightning Scars by Present-Mics-Scream (write_your_way_out): Shinkami. “It's hard to be confident in your abilities when you're surrounded by people with incredible quirks. Shinsou Hitoshi would know better than anyone. Sure, he was admitted to the hero course in his second year, but being admitted to the hero course, and keeping up with the rest of the class are two different things. Lucky for him, Kaminari is there to prove that the flashiest quirks come with the largest drawbacks.“

16>See No Evil, Hear No Evil by randomfan188: no romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki is legally blind. When he forgets to wear his contacts and breaks down during math class, comfort appears in the strangest of ways.“

17>how not to enjoy the weather, an article by kaminari denki by dreamtowns: no defined romantic pairing. “If there was one thing Kaminari hated the most in a world wth villains, it would have to be thunderstorms.“

18>”Studying” by emmyrox22: ShinKami, EraserMic. “Shinsou and Kaminari have been “studying” together for a while (but not for school). Shinsou gets stopped by his dads on the way to another “study” session and mistakes are made“

19>Weaknesses by sunflowerstorm: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk and storms compliment each other in the worst way, but he's convinced he can deal with it on his own... until he really can't any longer. When Shinsou accidentally overhears Aizawa confronting Kaminari about recent changes in behaviour and hears about the hell his quirks been putting him through, he can't just pretend he never heard. He wants to help.“

20>it’s hurt denki hours by memeingfultrash: ShinKami + others. ““Certain members of our class are...under the impression that...you’re the traitor.” Denki’s body went cold and felt like he was going to short circuit. ~some of class 1a believes that denki is the traitor and avoid him”

21>Petition to replace Mineta with Shinsou- (signed by Kaminari Denki) by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami + others. This is one of my favorites, I go back to reread it from time to time. It SAYS 41/42, but that's just a glitch cus chapter 36 doesn't exist for some reason, I talked to the author about it and its fine. “Mineta brings shame to the color purple. You know who does not bring shame to the rich color, but pride and sexual tension to one infatuated Kaminari Denki instead? Shinsou Hitoshi, aka sexy zombie man, aka the most perfect hunk of a man to walk planet earth, aka future husband. Shinsou has finally gotten his chance to prove himself to the hero course, and he did more than prove himself. The only question left unanswered is whether he will start in A or B, and how Kaminari can manipulate the end result.“

22>How to Get a Boyfriend (in Four Easy Steps!) by e1ana: ShinKami, EraserMic, + others. “Step 1: Get kicked out of the house by your homophobic parents. Step 2: Run headfirst into your brooding, mysterious crush. Step 3: Sleep in his dad’s (see: your homeroom teacher) house Step 4: Watch everything you thought you knew go to shit. This isn’t exactly the sweet, romantic plan that Kaminari Denki longed for. Will everything be ok, or will step 5 be to crash and burn?“

23>Bakugou and Todoroki’s Foolproof 5-Step Plan to Fuck with Mineta Minoru by Anubis_2701: Kiribaku, TodoDeku, + others. This is another one of my favorites, and the one I am currently folding and sewing into a physical book. you learn how to do funny things when bored and quarantined ig. “It was a simple enough idea; screw around with the resident bastard of Class 1-A to let him know that his medieval ways and perverted behaviour weren't going to be tolerated by even the most career-focused of UA's students. To say that things had snowballed was an understatement. Todoroki had no idea how he had ended up sitting on Bakugou's floor at 1 am, holding a dossier of incriminating material that would make the FBI slobber, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The long and short of it was, fuck Mineta.”

24>Colour Theory by chancellorxofxtrash: TodoBakuDeku. this one’s a series. “Midoriya/Bakugo/Todoroki slow burn soulmate AU. All three of them are nerds with their own emotional issues, trying to navigate their way through becoming heroes, and their own relationship with each other.“

25>Summer Sunshine by Mara97: TodoDeku. Ever want a Barbie in a mermaid tale/Bnha crossover? No? well here you go anyway! “Instead of worrying about college, Izuku spends his summer vacation finding out his father is, supposedly, a dead merman king and going on a quest to dethrone the current king, Endeavor. Along the way, Izuku becomes close to the three journeying with him, makes friends with strangers, starts crushing on an unattainable prince, and, in the end, learns to love himself. Oh, and he saves a kingdom, too.“

26>The snowflakes on our skin and the flames in our soul are one (and the same), my love by missunderstuffyou: TodoDeku, Kiribaku. this is one of the ones I keep a running reread comment going on. its at,,, 6, atm.  “Before your quirk begins to present itself, the soulmate link comes through, and suddenly whatever you write upon your own skin appears on the body of your soulmate. As your soulmate writes to you, the emotions they feel follow through the ink.Izuku Midoriya is four years and a few months old when he first feels the slight ebbing in his arms. It doesn’t hurt… he can just feel something, and it’s enough to make him sprint into his mother’s arms screaming that his quirk is coming. She had been washing in the kitchen, and the sudden screech as her son rockets into her side is enough to make her jump with panic, immediately grabbing at him and looking for cuts and bumps before she understands his words and the stupidly bright, alight smile on his face with large, watery, hopeful eyes. Shoto Todoroki doesn’t feel his soulmate connection open up. It is drowned in the aches of a small body worked far too hard.“

27>It was dark inside the closet by Chad_Champion69420: Pre-ShinDeku? maybe? its tagged shindeku but like. it’ll make sense if you read it. “Midoriya is invited to a party. He and Shinsou decide to play a little trick on the rest of the party during Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

28>how to woo your local trash gremlin: a comprehensive guide by Todoroki shouto by wonhaebunny: TodoBaku. this is the fic that dragged me into todobaku, fun fact. “five times shouto tries to confess to bakugou, and one time he doesn't bother tryingaka: wikihow is a scam and bakugou is a terrible, terrible boy“

29>top ten photos taken right before disaster by Shookspeare: ShinDeku. “Izuku participates in a harmless prank, only to end up ruining it and running for dear life.“

30>Secrets to Share by pechebaie: no definite romantic pairing. “Kirishima comes out first, and nothing changes. Kirishima and Kaminari still hang out to complain about class and talk about boys - and sometimes girls, too, in Kaminari’s case; he still plans stupid pranks with Sero that get them sent to the principal’s or nurse’s office every time; Ashido still kicks his ass at Mario Kart without hesitation; and Bakugou doesn’t get angry at him any more than he usually does.“

31>What One Hides by Pinalinet: TodoDeku. “All Might gives class 1-A an unusual assignment that results in Midoriya Izuku and Todoroki Shouto attending a weekly acting class. But with a mysterious villain targeting individuals without Quirks, and a developing issue of Todoroki's own, an after-school assignment is the least of their worries.“

32>whether or not we’re fated, we’re meant to be by juurensha: KINDA SPOILERY. TodoDeku + others. “Todoroki didn’t have a soulmark for most of his life.His siblings all did, but up until the day of the U.A. entrance exam, he had shoved the idea aside. It’s not like they could help him anyway. And then a 9 appears on his chest, and a green-haired boy barrels into his life with a fire and ice soulmark on his arms, and suddenly Todoroki cares very much about all this could mean.”

33>The Midnight Shift by meiishu @meiishu @totallytodoroki (idk which you’d rather I attach so I went with both): ShinKami. ““Hey Toshi,” Denki says, and he laughs, clearly embarrassed. He’s got on a jean jacket that did him absolutely no help and a white tee shirt that is currently stuck to his torso. It’s got a pikachu design in the center. “By any chance, do you sell umbrellas?” “You really went out in this weather.” Hitoshi deadpans, instead of dignifying that with an answer. or hitoshi works the midnight shift at the gas station, which also doubles as a pokestop for pokemon go. of course, denki is a regular.”

34>Rock the House by AkabaneKayo: ShinKami. “It wasn’t just his bed. It was his entire fucking room shaking. Only one thought crossed his mind at that moment: “Holy shit. My room is haunted.”“

35>Technically, they’re morning kisses by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami. “Most nights, Shinsou cannot fall sleep. Neither can Kaminari. It seems counterproductive to have a sleepover then, but they try to make it work. And they fail, but that is okay.“

36>someone to call mine by nearly_theyre: ShinKami, EraserMic “From: Me wish you were here, denks From: kitten 💛💘💛 what if i was tho? OR Four times Denki snuck into Hitoshi's room and one time he walked through the front door.“

37>Pretty by Onlymostydead (noticing some repeat authors? me too): no definite romantic pairing. “(Or, Kaminari still can't figure out bra clasps.) Kaminari has never really felt good about himself. Herself? Whichever way, not knowing doesn't make anything easier. Especially when he (she?) and Mina have their bodies swapped during training, and everything seems too right.“

38>If I offer you my hand, will you take it? by bleukitsune: Kiribaku. SPOILERY. ““Why?” Kirishima leaned back on his hands, trying to create some space between them. Too close. The ash-blond looked really nervous, his usually arrogant and cunning demeanor gone. “What do you see when you look at me? Kirishima is worried. Bakugou is hurting. After his confrontation with Midoriya, he finally reaches out to him. “

Theres way more but I haven't tagged them properly yet so that m a y come later if I can ever finish going through and adding my sorting tags.

and then a last few that Are Not Complete but im really very fond of them. not as many as id like to add, but my hands are getting tired tbh.

39>State of Mind by GuardianOfTheLoaf: no relationship YET but its looking like it’ll be either tododeku or shindeku, probably the former. EraserMic. tw- childhood neglect and severe depression. Izuku’s not a happy kid. “Izuku was a late bloomer, his quirk lying dormant until his tenth birthday when in a fit of emotion he grabs his mother and she disappears. With All Might slowly restoring his confidence Izuku begins the difficult journey into becoming a hero.“ 18/? chapters.

40>Izuku Eats His Problems by CosmicAce: ShinDeku. Izuku’s a flerkin, what more could you want? “His whole life, Izuku Midoriya was taught to keep his powers, his Quirk, hidden from the world. His kind were feared, hunted to near extinction because of it. He just wants to show people he’s different. That he can be a HERO. And nothing is going to stop him. Even if his Quirk IS like an eldritch abomination.“ 43/? chapters

and then probably my current favorite bnha fic- although it fights with Apertum Mortem for that spot but that ones d a r k and not here-

41>family of the year by periiwren: EraserMic. “Hitoshi is done. Done with moving around every few months to a couple that will scrutinize him and eventually dump him right back where he started. Good thing he’s well past his strike limit now- at least he can stay in one place, be content to age out of the system and finish out his training with Aizawa. Maybe transfer into the hero course, maybe be a hero- but none of that was guaranteed. The only thing for sure was that he was going to stay in that center for the rest of his childhood. Or so he thought- because Aizawa Shouta and Yamada Hizashi have other plans.“ 24/? chapters. we’ve been informed that this one’s gonne be l o n g and im Very Grateful.

42>Here There Be Dragons by here_and_there: pre-ShinDeku. “Izuku looked at the small circle Aizawa had motioned to in front of them. "I won't fit," he whispered, thinking. He raised his hand, tentatively. Sighing, Aizawa grumbled, "What?" "I-I have a question. Actually, two." His teacher just stared at him, unimpressed. Izuku continued. "Can we activate our quirks before we step into the ring?" Aizawa looked up into the sky, muttering something Izuku didn't hear. "If you must." "O-Okay. Uh, second question. You said we have to stay inside the circle, right?" "Yes." The man looked disappointed, not only in Izuku but in himself for letting the kid speak. "Great. Uh... does that include tails?"“ 6/? chapters.

43>Another Option by sandersonsister: TodoBakuDeku, Touya/Hawks, Dabi/Hawks. Potentially Spoilery, depends on whether horikoshi has the guts to confirm Touya. this one is waiting around the corner with a baseball bat, its really cute, and then r e a l l y painful. it might be getting better though. maybe. it might be getting worse. “When Touya stops his mother from hurting Shouto, he decides enough is enough. He needs to get out of this house and he's taking his baby brother with him.“ 33/? chapters.

That's it i’m done for now, oof. maybe ill edit more onto this post later, maybe i’ll just make another one. hope some of these work!

[shakespeareismydad]

My thought process as I watch season 7 of GoT

-S07E03

-Can Cersei please shut up god, I’m so tired of listening to her talk

-Qyburn can suck a dick

-i have never hated a character more in my life

-this is painful to watch

-oh no not the ince*t, god anything but that, I’m so over it 

-STOP KISSING

-no one cares if you're the queen stop fucking your brother 

-i would love to see cersei burned by a dragon 

-brooding buddies ahaha

-this scene is so pretty, the way his cloak blows in the wind is *chefs kiss* 

-tyrion and jon interacting makes me happy 

-“are you trying to present you're own statements as wise wisdom” PleaSe 

-don’t make me think about robb and rickon PleaSe

-fucking lord baelish ugh

-sansa and her quick fire wit

-there are some chars i cant stand listening to 

-ooh is it arya, please i hope it is, 

-its bran instead oop, didn’t expect that,, hug it OUT 

-bran is so pretty wow

-this is so sweet, the way the snow enhances her hair is *chefs kiss*

-oh no is Sam gonna be in trouble for helping jorah 

-this is nice

-i hope sam doesnt get kicked out of the cidatal 

-GO SAM 

-ive heard so much about Casterly Rock and this is the first time I’m seeing it and tbh the hype wasn’t worth it 

-SECRET TUNNEL!!

-pointy stick go stabby stabby 

-FUCKING EURON AGAIN I SWEAR

-canny hack it, am not enjoying this

-for fuck sake the lannisters are at highgarden and for why

-I still don’t know if i like Jamie Lannister or not

-they aren’t gonna kill ornella, i hope not

-they really think they're gonna win how embarrassing 

-she really just drank the wine

-the fact that jamie is jofferys dad still grosses me out

-S07E04

-pretty op scene 

-Tom Hopper in game of thrones whaattttt

-Oh my god, every time i see cersei i wanna take my eyeballs out

-i don’t trust baelish with bran

-i don’t trust baelish period. 

-imagine giving a kid a dagger that almost killed him i-

-i don’t want meera to leave

--alot of people died for bran ouch 

-wait bran died, hol up, does that hes ACTUALLY the three eyed raven this time 

-ARYA JUST GOT HOME

-they better let arya in 

-Arya gone ahah

-sansa and arya moment, reunited at last

-this moment is kinda sad tbh

-this is so wholesome 

-its sad again, i wish robb and rickon were here too

-”its wasted on a cripple” i bby noo

-brans wheelchair is so nifty

-i love podrick payne

-okay but theyre outfits are kinda bomb

-thats a lot of fucking dragonglass

-secret cave what will it hold

-the children and the first men are smart 

-yess queen fight with them, wait bend the knee i- nevermind

-ion like this, does she really think he’ll bend the knee and the north folk will be happy

-what now

-oh no shes angry and doubting tyrion that cant be good 

-jon is so pretty 

-Daenerys’ shoulder broche thing is so cool, i want one

-brianne and pod training together is so nice

-im so proud of arya, what a bad bitch 

-seeing arya ad brianne train has me shook 

-”I’m a Bastard” me too jon me too

-ITS THEON I MISSED HIM

-uh-oh jon doesn't look happy to see theon

-are they gonna hug

-NO THEY ARENT FINNA HUG, pleas no fighting

-im glad he isnt killing theon

-the queen is gone?! Miss thing where did she go

-i can't get over the fact that tom hopper is in game of Thrones

-Fuck the queen especially Cersei

-its gone all quiet that means something bad is gonna happen oh no

-this shit gives me anxiety

-thats a lot of dothraki

-"we can hold them off" my guy no you cant

-she brought her dragon good luck holding them off now pahahah

-is this where jamie dies, I wouldn't be mad :|

-miss thing its over for them

-everything is going up in flames i- why are they still fight back at this point

-if ser bronn dies I'm gonna be mad

-sliced off the horse leg and for what

-deadass though if bronn dies I'm done

-i have so much anxiety oh no

-thats a big fucking arrow

-tyrion looks so sad oh no

-jamie is gonna die if he does boost soon

-I dont want the Dragons to get hurt ahhh

-i love bronn but king this ain't it

-HE HIT THE DRAGON THAT DANI IS ON I- THIS ISNT GOOD

-he blew the arrow thing up instead

-jamie leave youre going to die

-mayhe I don't want him to die just yet but he should listen to tyrion and fuck off

-ser bronn to the rescue?!?!

-im so stressed out ahaha

S07E05

-canny hack it they almost drowned

-jamie 'the twat' lennister

-tyrion walking through the aftermath makes me uncomfy, feels bad man

-dragon said rawr

-what the fuck kinda option is bend the knee or die

-tyrion murdered his dad and he'll do it again

-Just bend the knee it literally cant be that hard

-is she gonna feed them to the dragons

-oh my God she is, wait shes gonna roast them, that's definitely far worse than bending the knee

-ashes to ashes ig

-Cersei should be worried, Dani has three dragons why do they think they can win

-cersei gives me a headache

-jon is so pretty and for what

-mister dragon needs to chill

-is he gonna eat jon

-oh hes letting jon pet him alrightie

-it's kinda creepy seeing it up close ngl

-"gorgeous beast" PleaSe

-figure of speech yeah sure right mhmm

-didnt you want jorah dead like three seconds ago

-i fucking hate those ravens

-thats a big mountain

-thats a lot of dead folks oofdt

-oh sam

-hes a smart wee lad

-i hope they listen to sam, hes making very good point

-some of these measter are dickhead

-im so tired of bending this fucking knee

-what the fuck is a wet nurse

-how are you gonna bring a wight to the capital

-this is whisky business

-trusting a stranger is never a good idea but okay I guess

-the minute jon leave everyone starts shitting on him, what arseholes

-sansa is so pretty

-im so confused what is happening

- Ion like this

-oh no is jamie gonna kill tyrion

-not tyrion making jokes as if he isnt gonna die

-wheres gendry i miss him

-look at my mans I love him

-he looks so good,, look at him king shit

-pop off gendry with your big hammer thing,, I was not expecting that

-not miss thing tryna get bronn killed for betrayal i- 🤚🏾hold up

-IS SHE PREGNANT AGAIN OG MY FUCKING GOd,, shes really ginns have another ince*t baby i 💀,, cut the fkn camera

-gendry you had one job

-"youre alot leaner,, you're alot shorter" I king PleaSe pahahaha

-tyrion is so pretty

-jon you need to return cause like, I dont want you to die

-wait is sam leaving,, bye big library

-what is lord baelish up too now,, I'm sus

-only copy of what,, what is he doing

-is arya finna break into his room

-i dont like this,, he probably has whatever arya is looking for on him

-he hid it in the mattress that smart ngl

-what is lord baelish plotting,, it's making me unsettled

-"you need to convince the one with the dragons or the one with that fucks her brother" paahahah I cant pLease that's so fuunny

-tormund and jorah fight let's go

-"were all breathing" I mean ya I guess pahaha

-gendry is so pretty

S07E06

-they look so tiny against the snow

-"down south the air smells like pig shit" "you've never been down south" "I've been to winterfell" "that's the north" "pfftt" I love that whole interaction

-does tormund wanna fuck gendry i- pahahah

-hes allowed to be mad at you for selling him

-jorah and jon are having a moment bless them

-arya reminiscing about her dad is so cute and it makes me sad

-oh no they're arguing

-"beloved Joffrey" ouch

-we were getting along so well,, and lord baelish had fucked it up

-"gingers are beautiful" yes they are my guy yes they fucking are

-dws tomund what dick is 🤚🏾🤠

-uh babies tormund chill out

-the way Jon's jacket coat thing puffs out is so funny

-i really hope Jon's not in love with Dani

-cersei wants to murder alot of people

-wait why cant dani have children

-they looks like ants in the snow

-is that a polar bear,, NOT A POLAR BEAR I REPAET NOT A POLAR BEAR

-THEYVE GOT FLAMING SWORDS

-mans is gonna get eaten alive

-hes gonna die out here and he doesn't even care,, or maybe he wont die i ??????

-where did they get a flaming sword from

-lord baelish needs to stfu

-what is baelish planning

-its gone all quiet again

-jon said slice and dice

-that a loud fucking screech,, oh no I hear rumbling that cant be good

-go gendry go!!

-theyre running across a lake what if the ice breaks,,

-gendry is a fast little fuck huh

-im so stressed I dont want anyone else to die,, especially gendry

-theyre gonna freeze to death

-oh no thros froze, feels bad man

-where did he get a flaming sword,, it pretty poggers

-ive got anxiety

-not sansa going back to king's landing

-miss thing, honey, sansa it's never safe

-yall Danis coat is so pretty

-how to train your dragons type beat

-well done hound you've provoked the dead

-wheres dani and her dragons when you need her

-if tormund dies,, oh nooooo

-someone should help him

-this is so sad

-sis came through what a queen

-the king Walker is gonna throw the ice spear and kill the dragon oh naw

-the stress is coming back

-he just killed on of her dragons,, I'm so shook

-jons gonna drown

-okai hes still alive but how long still he freezes to death

-miss thing you're literally gonna freeze to death dont try to fight

-seeing uncle benjen die, saving him,, that hurted

-the CRUNCH of Jon's coat oft

-shes not gonna kill sansa right?!?

-arya gave her the dagger but now what?!?

S07E07 (this should be good)

-bronn I'm offend men with dicks are just as good with men without them

-the dothraki really just fight for fun huh

-THEON!!!!

-not the brothels 🤚🏾🥴

-the wight doesn't enjoy that box

-cersei you wont be killing anyone,, miss thing needs to SIT DOWN AND STFU

-god I don't wanna deal with any lennister,, apart from tyrion

-i love podrick

-maybe I dont like ser bronn

-im sus,, something bad might happen,, its gone all quiet

-here comes miss thing and euron

-im gonna be sick with anxiety

-does everyone just have a permanent from on their faces or what

-i hate when she speaks

-dragons as a means of travel is so handy

-ats a big fucking dragon pahaha

-constant state of stress

-euron shut the fuck up

-euron is gonna get punched in the face if he doesn't shut up

-sit down euron or fuck off

-cersei shut up for two seconds

-does whe really think the army of the dead is a bad joke,, MISS THING COME ONNN

-does miss thing believe them now after almost being attacked by a wight

-100,000 AT LEAST oh no

-euron is scared lol hes definitely gonna die

-"until the dead is defeated they are our true enemy" Miss thing we've been trying to tell you

-oop mans already been pledged and miss Cersei is pissed

-honestly fuck the Lannisters

-everyone is pissed at jon for not lying lol

-tyrion don't talk to cersei,, that's a bad idea just waiting to happen

-oh lord am stressed

[eijiroukiriot]

i don’t have a fancy name for it or anything but this is my kirishima playlist

I posted about my krbk playlist a little while ago but since it’s Boy Day I wanted to finally post about my solo Kirishima playlist too!! The only other thing I have to say is that I Love The Boy and that’s what this playlist is for :) 

Spotify Link

song descriptions under the cut!

(bc of how i want to format the explanations, this list will be out of order with the actual playlist but that doesn’t actually matter that much!)

i. Teenage Icon - The Vaccines 

“Oh look at me, so ordinary

No mystery with no great capabilities”

-I guess it’s pretty fitting to start the list off with a very Middle School Kirishima kinda song! Something I really love about this one is that it’s very steeped in this idea that “oh I’m not great, I’ve been blown up my whole life but I’m really nothing special, I should just stop pretending to be” but then the choruses and the bridge are so upbeat that it feels like it’s made peace with it! Maybe even like it’s celebrating it? Like, this isn’t wallowing in self hatred, it’s an anthem and I feel like it’s the kind of thing Kirishima would listen to in middle school and think “yeah, I’m not special, so what, who cares” 

ii. Whatta Man - I.O.I 

the one w the classic “whatta man whatta man whatta man” hook but a kpop song

-as kirishima is the only boy alive, this song talking about a very good man must be dedicated to him

-put in the ioi ver instead of the classic one bc i love girls 

iii. Embers - Owl City

“And we'll watch the sky as it fills with light

And though the embers are new, whatever you do just don't let the fire die” 

-Something you are gonna learn very quickly about me is that I Love Owl City 

-A lot of Owl City songs are about overcoming hard times and facing forward and this one hits me more than a lot of other generic Encouraging Songs because “don’t let the fire die” feels like such a genuine sentiment, like more than “you’re a firework” or whatever because it encapsulates the idea of “this is your decision to make and something you’re gonna have to put in the effort but you can turn your life around, you don’t have to hate yourself, you can make the decision not to” which I feel is a very Kirishima sentiment

iv. I’m Gay - Bowling For Soup 

“It sells records when you're sad these days, it's super cool to be mad these days -

I think rock and roll is really funny when it's serious” 

-now. there is the very obvious meaning here

-But mostly this feels like a very Kirishima-ish song to me since it’s all about getting out of the “everything sucks and talking about that all the time makes you cool” mentality and not taking things so seriously, focusing on the positives and trying to make other people happy too!

v. I’ll Make a Man Out of You - Mulan

(picking a lyric to express kirishima in this one feels dumb when all you need to see this as a Him song is to imagine him belting it out) 

-the 12 year old that still lives somewhere inside of me and spent hours watching videos w titles like Total Drama Character Theme Songs on youtube is Extremely proud of herself for this one 

vi. The Squip Song - BMC 

“Freshman year, I didn't have a girlfriend or a clue

I was a loser, just like you”

-Look the fact of it is this song has extreme Kirishima Energy and to convince you of that I could write a lot of stuff or I could just link you the animatic I made please watch it I worked very hard

-Lyrical content aside I think the funky guitar and the horns and the amount of screaming in this song are Very kirishima 

vii. Fiji Water - Owl City 

“If I only knew then what I know now, I’d stand like a one man band, and I’d say

‘All this is new to me, but here’s how it’s gonna be - there is more to me than meets the eye” 

-owl city part 2! It’s about him seeing himself as a regular kid but getting called by a record label and flown out to talk about a record deal, and it’s cast in this light of “I didn’t see myself as much then and I was surprised it could all happen to me” but trying to make the most of it anyway, which reminds me a lot of Kirishima still doubting himself but getting to UA anyway

-The last line “I laughed when I got back home and I thought, ‘there’s no such thing as luck’” is my absolute favorite part of the song and when I imagine that as kirishima getting home after crushing the entrance exam and falling face-first onto his bed laughing...well! a bitch is soft!

viii. I Wanna Meet Richard Dreyfuss - Gabriel Gundacker (the guy who made the “you are my dad” vine)

“Hello, don’t mean to interrupt your flow

But I’ve got something you need to know, and it’s very specific, so here we go:

I wanna meet Richard Dreyfuss” 

-This song is from an album dedicated to a fan’s process of wanting to meet, NEEDING to meet, giving up on, trying to forget about, (brief intermission about saddles as he forgets about), apologizing to, finally meeting, and saying a satisfied goodbye to Richard Dreyfuss and it’s one of my favorite albums of all time

-At first I just thought the song sounded pretty Kirishima in terms of earnest effort and slightly-soulful high notes but then someone sent me an ask like “WHY IS THE RICHARD DREYFUSS SONG ON YOUR KIRISHIMA PLAYLIST” and I realized it would totally make sense for Kirishima to write an entire album about wanting to meet Crimson Riot, so, checkmate 

ix. Angel, Please - Ra Ra Riot 

“Long as I feel I can tell the danger did it - oh, you guard yourself, you do

I wasn't hurt but I know you're the curse, I know you were” 

-i am not gonna lie the first time i heard this song I just wanted so so badly to make it abt kirishima bc 1) album cover is red 2) band name has riot in it

-Anyway so after a month of listening to it w that mindset I can say pretty confidently that this song makes me think of Kirishima’s big fat crush on bkg so really it should be in the krbk playlist instead of this one but I do what I want 

x. Beautiful Times - Owl City

“My heart's burning bad and it's turning black but I'm learning how to be stronger” 

-Owl City part 3 :)

-This one is the most focused on the dark side of things and the “struggling through the depression” angle but I really do think the ending is a beautiful sentiment and that line up there reminds me of him

-I feel like...things never get easy right away and there’s always gonna be some doubt there no matter how good you feel, and the only thing we can do about that is to keep trying to make things better

Songs that are also in my krbk playlist which I wrote about here that I won’t describe at length again but that I mostly associate with Kirishima: 

xi. Hooked on a Feeling - Blue Swede

xii. Kimi Janakya Dame Mitai - Masayoshi Oishi

xiii. Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando & Dawn 

xiv. If You Wanna - The Vaccines 

xv. Slayers - Matt Fishel (I do want to say that this one is a big one bc it literally feels like what Kirishima would come up with if he tried to write bkg a song) 

xvi. I’m Totally Obsessed With Him - Matt Fishel 

xvii. Television/So Far So Good - Rex Orange County

xviii. Mamma Mia - ABBA

Aaaand, songs that all remind me of Kirishima just because they’re bops filled with loud, boisterous, cheerful, and at times comedic Kirishima Energy:  

xix. Young Volcanoes - Fall Out Boy

xx. Flyers - Bradio 

xxi. Don’t Stop Me Now - Queen

xxii. Mr. Brightside - The Killers

xxiii. Sincerely Me - Dear Evan Hansen

xxiv. Uptown Funk - Bruno Mars

[undesired-attention]

I’m honestly so thankful for my parents idk what I would do without them.

I had left for work a few minutes later than normal last night and I noticed my car was accelerating funny, and then I felt it start pulling to the right and then started feeling some small thunks kinda fast, so I pulled over to check.

My tire light has been on for... like forever basically, when the weather gets cooler one of my tires gets a little low, my tires are weird and want to be filled to 40 psi, but that makes them ROCK hard and you feel every bump in the road. So my dad previously told me to let it be a little low, like 5 psi lower, just to make the ride a little smoother, mayb a little dumb but sh. I’ve kinda ignored it, it crossed my mind that it could drop too low and with the light already on I wouldn’t notice, but I’ve been working so much that I haven’t even had a second to really spare to check. My b. But when I started feeling the thunks, the tire light started flashing at me so I pulled over. Got out. Yep, tires p flat.

So I called my dad panicking because I had to be at work in about 30 minutes, we only live 20 minutes away but I was still a nervous wreak because I didn’t know what my dad was going to do, if he was going to want me to stay home for the night or if it was going to be out of commission for several days or what. He came and while he was driving over, I called my mom asking for the number to the nurses station to call and let them know I’ll be a little late but she told me not to worry and that she’ll call (which I didn’t want her to do because I’m not a child, but whatever it was one less thing for me to do at the time).

Dad confirmed ye that’s flat and pulled it over farther off the road and then drove me to work, even getting me there on time. He came home and got my mom and went and put the spare tire in the trunk on, which was amusing because we both thought it would be a skinny little donut but it was a full size tire. Then they drove to the hospital and called me, I ran downstairs to get my keys and park my car where I usually do. My dad came home with the flat tire and filled it up to see how fast it’s leaking now and it dropped 3 psi overnight, but he thinks it was a loose valve thing so he tightened it and threw it back on my car so I’ll see how it is tomorrow. There wasn’t anything like stuck in it or obviously wrong, just a slow leak that dropped too low.

But I really don’t know what I would do without both of my parents. My mom listens to me bitch about everything and she knows exactly what I’m saying because she works on the same floor as me, and my dad honestly just kinda knows everything. He always helps me with my stupid car stuff and talks to me about cars and paying back my loans and stuff and we agree on things for the most part. My dad even lets me take his car for days at a time to go drive to see mike, which I’m doing later this week and I’m rlly excited because it’s been almost two months since I’ve been able to go down there because of my weird work schedule so far. Since I started I’ve only had 2 times where I had more than 1-2 days off in a row, I had three days off in August but it was like Tuesday-Thursday, and then I had three days off in September, like a Wednesday-Friday but that’s when I got super sick with the 103.5 fever so I didn’t do anything.

But because of the way my schedule worked out this weekend, Friday-Sunday night working and then I’m gunna work Tuesday and Wednesday night, I have a full week off. Three days in a row wasn’t that bad, I’m starting to really get stuff now and I was basically independent last night because my preceptor was also charge nurse and had her own responsibilities, the only thing I had to ask her for help with was my one patient had a heparin drip and you have to release labs to be drawn every six hours to make sure the level is therapeutic, and how to hang an IV antibiotic without pushing a full line of heparin into her.

And I’m excited to see mike. It puts my mind at ease that I won’t be driving the bug down there, my dads car is really nice and still pretty new so I’m happy my dad trusts me enough to cross state lines alone with it lol. I’m only going down for four days kinda (get there Thursday night probably and then leave Sunday around noon because I have to watch my aunts dog for a week while they go on a cruise, I’m the only one willing to watch her because she has to get insulin every 12 hours) but it’ll still be really really nice, I miss him.

This is already a long post of sorting my thoughts so let’s make it a lil longer. The used cars I had been looking at to buy are all like around 20k, 1-2 years old, with around 30-40k miles on them already, so my dad and I sat down and looked at “okay, what if I buy one brand new?” And it’s only a little more expensive to buy new, but it’s NEW, even if I take a 5 year payment plan, at the end of it the car will be five years old instead of seven or more. I will put all the miles on it. No shady mysterious history of what’s happened to the car before. After dealing with the bug breaking something every 3-5 months, the thought of having a car that won’t have more than 1-2 (if that) oopsies in a span of several years excites me. I’m looking to put a massive massive down payment on the car, like half of the total cost down, to make my payments minimal because my student loan payments start soon too. I’ve saved up quite a bit so far from working, p much throwing my entire paycheck into my savings for a car except for like 200-300 or even less, just to maintain around $500 in my checking as my spending bank for food and gas, I don’t buy anything else, I can’t convince myself to spend the money. I guess what happened last night convinced my mom it’s really coming time for me to get a new car (although any and all cars can get flats.. my tires have been shit for over a year, this winter they actually are going to need new ones). I’ll see what happens though, I’m looking at 2019 Mazda cx-3 tourings and 2019 Subaru crosstrek premiums, they cost about the same, so I’m trying to save up as much as possible to throw at it off the bat.

Anyway that’s my spiel, ty for listening.

[mareshmallow]

Second Time’s a Charm? pt II

(pt i) (pt iii) (pt iv)

"Mare?" Gisa asks softly. "I'm sorry, I never--"

"No, no, it's not that Gee, I just..." I trail off. "I don't think I want to go the dance," I say in a small voice. "I'm just so tired and I have this headache--"

"Stop," Gisa says firmly but not unkindly. "Don't you think I can tell when you're lying?" She takes my hand and leads me to my bed. We both sink down into my mattress with our combined weight and I make a mental note to save up some money for a new one.

"Tell me what's really going on, please?"

So I do.

She listened patiently, even when I tell her about sleeping with Will. I hesitated on that but she had nodded her head, indicating for me to continue. When I had finished I felt as if a crushing weight had been lifted from my chest. I'd kept this to myself for so long and telling someone was a relief.

She wraps her arms around me and I bury my face into her shoulder. I wrinkle my nose at the brush of her hair against it and pull back.

"He hates me right?" I ask her, already knowing the answer. She chews on her lip as she thinks. "Hate is such a strong word. He's hurt and confused. I mean, you have been messing around on him."

"So what should I do?"

"Tell the truth," she says like it's the simplest thing in the world. I let out a snort. "Are you joking? Ha ha, that's funny Gee."

She gives me a serious look. "No, I'm not joking. Tell him the truth, he deserves an explanation and you don't deserve to have to hold this in all the time. If he cares about you then he'll see past it. I mean, we all make mistakes and it's not like you were seriously dating," she shrugs.

I can't believe I'm actually considering this. Why am I considering this? Would he still be angry and me, or even worse? Would he actually forgive me? Or would he storms out of the caf all dramatic-like? I used to tease him about his fondness for theatrics.

I jump when Gisa taps my shoulder. "The dance starts at six and it's five o'clock now. You should make up your mind quickly cause I need to know if I'm gonna do your hair or not."

I glance at the clock, steeling myself for the possible consequences of my choice. But it had been made and there was no turning back now.

***

Instead of curling it like Gisa wanted to I made her straighten it. She thought high school dances were a big thing and that everyone looked like they came out of a Teen Vogue magazine. In actuality it was a bunch of smelly kids in a confined space with too-loud music and drugs being passed around.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't be wearing a costume at all, but Shade had always been insistent on it. He was going to the dance as well, trying to get the most out of his senior year. I would be seeing his girlfriend tonight as she was coming with us. Instead of convincing me to act as proper as possible, he told me that she used to pull shit like that too. And that she would be absolutely delighted to wreck havoc. I mean, what else did I expect from this girl my prankster of a brother to have? He went on to tell me how last Halloween when he stayed over in her dorm room, her roommate helped her pull a little trick. Her roommate was supposedly "out" while they watched a horror movie together. Diana did this knowing full well that Shade was terrified of those but too proud to admit it. When they went to sleep, her roomate had attached strings to a doll that resembled Annabelle. She played some "low chilling music," as Shade put it and some audio of a creepy child.

So that was the story of how Diana now has a recording of Shade screaming at 3 a.m after waking up to a "possessed" doll. To top it all off, there's also some footage of him running out into the hallway in his underwear. That of course resulted in some confused and angry university students. It's no surprise that I asked her to send it to me. Hello blackmail.

Shade had wanted me to be a bear again because of his oh-so-clever nickname, "Mare Bear." But I declined and instead chose a female Zeus. I thought that being able to fry anyone that bothered you and being King of the Heavens would be awesome. The fact that I had a beautiful costume didn't hurt either, though it was kinda cheap. It was a white pleated dress (courtesy of my mom) with a thick plastic "gold" belt and a circlet of leaves as a crown. I added some bracelets and necklace as well, taken from Gisa's collection.

It was an odd mismatch of clothing but I didn't mind. The sound of a door slamming has me running out into the hallway to find Shade there. His debate meeting must've ended early. The question must be apparent because he shrugs. "They needed the school to be clear to set up the decorations. Plus everyone wanted to get home early." He tosses his jacket on the bench near the coat rack knowing full well mom hates when he does that. Shade looks me up and down while stroking his chin. He frowns at the dress. "What?" I sigh. "Did you expect me to dress up as an animal again? You can't trick me again this time."

"I was hoping."

"Are you and Diana doing a couples costume?" Please say no, please say no. I wouldn't be able to take that level of cringe.

He looks at me strangely and I raise a brow. "What did I say?"

He clears his throat looking very much uncomfortable. "You know she hates it when we call her by her first name," Shade murmurs.

I make a sound of agreement. I'd forgotten that. And her last name. But Shade being two steps ahead of everyone answers, "it's Farley, and thanks for being such a good sister and remembering basic facts about my girlfriend."

I roll my eyes. "Why does she hate her first name anyway? Traumatic childhood nicknames?"

Shade doesn't laugh like I expect him to. Instead he darkens and my smile falls. "Shade?"

He shuffles his foot on the floor and I watch as he chooses what to say. "It's not my place to say why," he says carefully. "Just please don't call her that."

My mind spins with questions that I know will remain unanswered. I nod anyways. He places a hand on my arm. "Relax, no need to be so somber," he says cheerfully. Despite the tone I can sense the sadness beneath. Typical Shade, he was very much like Kilorn in the sense that they both never wished to linger on the dark moments or memories. I decide to humour him and drop it. For now of course.

"So, couples costumes. Yes or no? For the love of god, please say no."

He flicks my nose. "Too bad cause it's happening." I groan. If they were gonna be all lovey and mushy I was so out. "How the hell did you rope her into this anyway? I thought she was pretty uptight."

Shade shrugs. "You should bother to spend more time with her."

"I already have."

"You've seen her like three times."

"Yeah, whatever." Truth be told, I didn't mind seeing Dian--Farley again. She seemed cool though a little uptight. But Shade was smitten with her so making an effort wouldn't be the worst. "What's the unfortunate duo you've chosen to replicate?"

"Steve Trevor and Princess Diana from-"

"I know what movie they're from," I cut in. How could I not? Real classy of them though. It was a little funny how she would be an Amazon warrior and I would be her supposed creator. Was that weird? Probably.

"She chose it, obviously, but I'm not mad. I get to be a handsome spy so I'm glad I got an easy costume," he replies flashing a smile which I assume is the very one that got Farley interested. I bat his face, pushing him away. We both laugh and the sound draws Gisa out from our room.

"Can you guys hurry up? Have you even looked at the time for goodness sakes?" she sighs with exasperation. With her hand on her hips and the stern expression she looks so much like our mom. Without even realizing it Shade straightens up then scowls at himself for doing so. I however remain in my slouched position, the very one Gisa hated. She was all about posture.

I put my hands up in surrender. "Alright, mom. And for the record, it's not me, it's Shade who's gonna be late."

Gisa smirks at me. "Aw you really think that? There's no way mom was gonna let you take the bus there, not when it's this late. Shade's your ride so if he's late, so are you."

I look at Shade and he has to wits to scramble away before I can think to push him. "There's no time to make yourself to look pretty so hurry your ass up!"

"I was naturally born pretty so don't worry it won't take long!" he shouts in response. I blow out a long sigh disguising a chuckle. Gisa is less cautious and tries and fails to hide a smile behind her hand.

"Language, Mare," I hear my dad's gruff voice call out. My lips purse. "Sorry," I reply, though this time softer.

Shade joins us after a grand total of ten minutes. Before I can think to make a remark he speaks. "It was hard okay? These pants are tighter than they look," he grumbles. I scan his costume with a suppressed smile."Actually they look even worse," I laugh. My comment is returned with a scalding glare and I jump away from his shove and run ahead to the car.

He follows hot on my heels. "Does it look that bad?" he asks with a note of desperation in his voice. God, he was way too obsessed with his vanity. I'd never seen anything like it. I tug on the door handle. "Could you open the car? We're already late."

"Not until you tell me the truth."

"I did. The pants look weird but the rest is fine. Let's go now."

The doors open with a soft clicking sound and I swing in the front seat. Shade winces. "What?" I ask, doing my best to keep the annoyance from showing. He scratches his head awkwardly. "Um...could you sit in the back today?"

"Why.." I trail off. "Oh," I say in a small voice.

"Yeah...sorry."

I got in the backseat and was silent on the drive to what I assumed was Farley house. Or wherever she was staying.

***

So it definitely wasn't her house.

It was a hotel where I guess she was staying for the week, or as Shade told me. She was off for week from university and decided to visit. Her family lived in Churchill, Manitoba near Hudson Bay so she was pretty far from home. I wonder if she ever misses her home.

"A Canadian, eh?" I tease him. He cringes at that. "Please don't," he says at the same time Farley makes a low sound of annoyance. We both whirl around at the sound. And there she is, coming up from behind the car to the hood where Shade and I and been standing. "For your information, we are known to be very peaceful people. Except for when someone assumes the only two words in our vocabulary are 'aboot' and 'eh.' So unless you want to choke on a bottle of maple syrup in your sleep, I suggest you shut it," she says sweetly. I let out a laugh and so does she. "Good to see you again, Farley."

She shares a look with my brother and I can tell they're having their own silent conversation. "A pleasure to see you again as well, Mare," she replies after dragging her eyes away from Shade. I can't help but roll my eyes. Yeah I was so sure.

We all get in the car, Farley taking the front seat which assumed was hers when she and Shade were together. Too bad it was mine every other day.

The drive wasn't as long as I'd thought it would be. But still, I was late. I checked my phone for the time. 6:45, it read. I clenched my teeth to keep them from chattering and to refrain from cursing. I'd already texted Maven after finding a bunch of missed calls and texts that got increasingly more panicked. Because of the delay we wouldn't be able to go over everything and I wouldn't be able to check if everything would work. It would be a hit or miss now.

Thankfully we pull up in the school parking lot. Unfortunately it's full. I let out a long sigh. My fingers uncurl from my dress after I used them to keep from digging them into my palms. The scars were beginning to fade and I didn't feel like undoing all that.

Shade senses my unease. "How about I find a parking spot and meet up with you guys later?" Farley opens her mouth to interject but he insists. "Seriously, it's fine. It'll take me a few minutes."

I don't question him. Instead I offer my arm to Farley. "Not the Barrow you wanted to walk in with tonight, huh?" I grin once we start walking. Shade drives off behind us. Farley takes my arm. "A shame," she sighs.

We enter the main foyer to be greeted by Evangeline Samos and her girlfriend, Elane Haven. They were both on student council, or rather should I say the president and vice president of the school. They made sure to point that out at least three times a day. Evangeline and Elane step forward to greet us. They wear smiles that somehow turn even harder when they turn on me. "Mare!" Evangeline exclaims. "How unfortunate it is to see you again."

I laugh coldly. To a passerby it could look friendly. "The feeling is mutual, Samos. Now do us a favour and move."

As I go to sidestep her she blocks me. Her pitch black gaze settles on Farley who is no longer smiling but giving her a glare that could kill. "You must be Shade's new plaything," Evangeline says. "I'm his ex, Evangeline Samos." Next to her, Elane shifts, visibly uncomfortable.

Ah there it was. The dreadful words. It was true, Evangeline and Shade and been a thing for a hot minute before she cheated on him with Elane. I assumed there had to be more to the story that Shade refused to tell me. The relationship had been purely physical I was sure, but some nights I would find Shade looking through their photos together. I knew he loved Farley now of course, but he'd told me he was upset because he knew Evangeline wasn't what she appeared to be. Or whatever that meant. The girl standing in front of me was grade A bitch.

Farley's hands tighten into fists. Suddenly I was nervous for Evangeline. I'd seen Farley throw a few punches before and the aftermath had not been pretty. Not to mention Evangeline wasn't someone to underestimate. I tug on her arm still linked in mine. "We're going now. Have a terrible day you two," I smile with false sweetness.

We storm past after throwing our entry tickets on the table. Up ahead are kids dressed in zombie costumes snapping a picture at a booth. We walk past them as we make our way to the music room where Maven, Thomas and Kilorn were waiting for us. The music room was Maven and Thomas's second home after the computer lab. Unfortunately that had been locked so this was the next best thing. Plus it was on the second floor unlike the lab.

Farley looks around to check for anyone following us, or a teacher coming to stop us. But the coast must be clear because she doesn't panic so neither do I. The music room comes into view but the door is closed. I peer inside but there's a black cloth covering the window. I knock quietly, three quick taps. There's a moment of silence before I hear the lock click. Even then it only opens enough for a sliver. I push it open. "Relax it's just me," I announce to the seemingly empty room. I hear collective sighs of relief. Kilorn and Thomas emerge from their hiding spots.

"Where's Maven?" I ask, looking around. "Oh yeah, he's with his brother, remember?" Thomas replies sounding confused. I curse softly. I'd forgotten about that. Cal was here right now. At least I could apologize and explain. Then we could go our separate ways. "Right, so when is he gonna show up?"

"Right now actually," Thomas says looking up from his phone. "He's on his way."

"Great." At least something was going right so far.

"Shade's on his way as well," Farley says. "No need to fill me in, Mare. Destruction is a specialty of mine," she smirks. I smile back. "Don't I know it," I murmur, remembering that particular incident.

Kilorn walks up to me for a hug but I slink away. "Sorry but you're sick, and I hate sick people," I tell him. He laughs but it dissolves into a fit of coughs. Immediately I become concerned. "Seriously, why didn't you stay home?"

"A question I find myself asking as well," a voice says behind me. I spin around to find Cal and Maven in the doorway. Cal stares anywhere but me. Whatever, he could be a petty pain in the ass if he wished.

"How did you open the door?" Thomas asks, directing his question at Maven. We all ignore the tension in the room. "It was partially open already. You guys forgot to lock it," Maven explains looking between me and Farley. "A mistake," I shrug.

"Anyone could've walked in," Cal points out. I exhale harshly through my nose before facing him. "Yes, but unfortunately it was just you. Now hurry, we don't have much time. Maven, he needs to go."

Maven stops his brother from a sure foul response with a look. Then he turns to me, pleadingly. "Please let him stay. He already promised not to say anything." I scoff at that. "Sorry, but his promises don't mean much to me."

"Oh yeah sure, I'm the one to blame for this," Cal snaps. I glare at him and he levels me with his own. "You are not supposed to be here," I tell him slowly, making sure to enunciate every word. Maybe this time he can get the message.

"Oh please," he scoffs. "You should be glad someone's here to participate in this kiddy prank of yours. Seriously Mare, I didn't expect you to orchastrate something this dumb"

The room went even quieter. Oh that was it. I was simultaneously ready to beat his ass and cry in frustration. Even Cal looks surprised at himself. The hurt must be showing because he steps closer, all anger replaced by regret. "Mare," he says softly reaching for my arm. I pull away.

"Maven is everything set?" I ask him. Maven looks at me, startled. His eyes dart between his brother and I. He nods once the fog clears from his mind. "Um, where's Shade?" he asks, looking around.

"Right here," I hear Shade say also by the door. I groan. "What the hell is with everyone and these dramatic entrances? If I'd known I would've made an effort."

Shade doesn't respond but rather glares harshly at Cal who has gone pale. Uh oh, he was in protective brother mode. "Where were you?" Kilorn asks with a smile that doesn't meet his eyes. "You left me in the middle of a soap opera and it's not even that good"

Farley is the one to get him to calm down. "Let's take a walk," she says, tugging on his arm. As they shuffle away I see Farley turn her head and mouth, 'be right back.' I think I might've spoken too early when I said everything was going fine.

"Okayyy," Thomas drags out. "Can we get started now? Maven and I want to get to the haunted house before it closes."

"That's a terribly romantic date," Kilorn says. "Nothing says 'I love you' like being trapped in a space with possible demonic spirits."

Maven rolls his eyes. "Don't tell me you actually believe in that stuff, Warren."

"Of course I don't," Kilorn scoffs. He was a terrible liar and Maven knew it judging by his amused expression.

I clap my hands together, shattering the moment.

"Okay, Maven, Thomas, you guys know what to do. After you get back, text me." They nod and Maven salutes. "Yes ma'am." Before he leaves he plants a kiss on my cheek. "For good luck," he explains. I give him one back. "Come on lovebirds any day now," Thomas calls out. He was used to this. We all knew it was purely platonic. Well everyone except Mr. Tiberias Calore the Seventh who looks away. He could think whatever he wanted. I didn't care.

"See you guys soon!" Maven shouts as they walk away.

Cal goes to follow them but I hold out a hand to stop him. I accidentally brush his chest and snatch it back as if burned. He pretends to ignore it. "Where do you think you're going?" I ask him, eyebrows raised. He has the sense to keep his mouth shut. "You agreed to my plan which means you follow my orders. If you don't like it then you can leave."

"Then it's a shame I'm not going anywhere," he replies evenly. The words ring with a double meaning.

"Shade and Farley are already together so you can go with-"

Kilorn doesn’t even look up from picking at his nails. "You better not say my name."

I inhale deeply. "Fine," I snap. "You're with me. Kilorn, it's time." He hops off the table and winks at me as he passes. Oh god he set me up. And I could already guess which little redhead he had his orders from.

Without warning I follow him and Cal scrambles to follow. He blessedly keeps quiet as we make our way to the caf. Or more specifically the door leading to the stage, except we only needed to get under it. We were responsible for providing an exit from the caf if we needed to avoid anyone in the room and get out quickly.

(Part Three)

[nailriddenbat]

Mayfield | Series - Pt. VII

Summary: Max Mayfield and Billy Hargrove aren’t the only new kids to step foot into Hawkins. Meet Y/N Mayfield, Max’s big sister, who’s here to make sure no one messes with her sister.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Mayfield!Reader (SLOW BURN)

Characters: Max Mayfield, Steve Harrington, Y/N Mayfield, Susan Hargrove, Neil Hargrove, Billy Hargrove

Warnings: Language, Violence

Word Count: 1.8k

Tags: TAGS HAVE BEEN MOVED TO THE END OF THE POST!

A/N: SHIT GETS REAL.

Parts: Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII  | Part IX | Part X (FINALE) 

Max was having a really, really, really weird night.

“I have proof,” Lucas had said. 

PROOF. Max snorted to herself as they all walked along the train tracks in the middle of the night. Lucas had proof alright. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but it sure wasn’t whatever the hell had tried to eat her and her new companions.

Steve was trailing ahead with Lucas and Dustin, but the two of them were bickering about some sort of rules. He turned his head to look behind him and stopped walking so Max could catch up with him.

“You doing okay, kid?” he asked her.

She nodded her head, “I am as good as I can be.”

Steve chuckled a little. You had said those exact same words to him just a few days ago.

“What’s so funny?” Max questioned him as she glanced up at him.

“It’s nothing,” Steve said as he kicked at a rock. “You sound just like Y/N, that’s all.”

Max took a deep breath, “Speaking of Y/N...”

“Here we go.”

“She told me that she told you about George. And you told her it wasn’t her fault,” Max started to speak.

“Yeah cause it’s not,” he jumped in.

“Well she thinks it is and I don’t know if that’ll ever change, but Y/N has a hard time opening up to people so...” she took a deep breath and sighed. “I guess I’m just trying to say thanks. There’s gotta be something about you that she finds to be trustworthy.”

He looked around, feeling awkward for some reason. Was he trustworthy? Was he a good person? He was partially responsible for killing Barb, according to Nancy, so how could he be a good person?

“I’m not that great, Max,” he shook his head a little and looked down at her. “I just understand what she’s going through, to an extent, and I wanted to help.”

“Not that great? You just saved our asses from those...” 

“Demogorgons.”

“Right, demogorgons. I’d say you’re not as bad as you think are, Steve” Max pushed his arm lightly. 

Silence passed between the two for a moment before Steve spoke again,  “How long were they together?”

“Y/N and George?” Max asked him for clarification and when he nodded, she answered, “About a year, I think. He was a cool guy.”

"He sounded like it, from what Y/N was telling me. It’s a shame,” Steve sighed. “And your sister, she’s...”

“She’s gonna be okay,” Max glanced up at him and watched his face change as he spoke about you. “Just give her time. And Steve?”

He looked over at her, his eyebrow raised.

“If you hurt her, I swear that I will find a way to get a hold of some scissors and cut your hair in your sleep. Understand?” Max narrowed her eyes at him as she threatened him, acting like a good sister.

“Jeez!” Steve shouted and held his hands up. “No need to threaten the hair. I’m not gonna do anything to her. She’s just a friend.”

“Sure, Steve. Sure,” Max rolled her eyes. He couldn’t say anything else because Dustin and Lucas had turned towards each other as their argument escalated. Max took a deep breath as she took one last glance at Steve. She had a feeling about him and she hoped that she was right.

You laid out on your bed and had your legs propped up on the headboard as music played from your stereo.

“Do not put on Air Supply, Y/N,” Rebecca had warned you before hanging up.

“I’m not going to put on Air Supply, Rebecca,” you had lied through your teeth.

It was time to have a pity party as you replayed the conversation you had with your best friend in your head. You were feeling a mix of emotions and you had no idea how to process any of them. Talking about George so frequently took a lot of you. You still loved him and you weren’t exactly convinced those feelings would ever go away. At the same time, though, could you really carry that around with you for the rest of your life and allow that to stop you from living your life?  Would George want you to do that?

You had no fucking idea.

That’s why you were laying on your bed as you sang along to Air Supply’s “All Out of Love”, which was your go-to song for when you were feeling like complete shit.

You groaned as you rubbed your face and muttered, “Why the fuck did Harrington have to make things so difficult?”

Yes, you put the blame on him. If he hadn’t gotten drunk that night, you would not have felt obligated to drive him home. He would not have approached you the following two times at school and a third at home, which meant you would not have broken down in front of him and sobbed all over his jacket. And if he wasn’t so damn sweet about the whole thing, and didn’t tell you that it wasn’t your fault as if he truly understood the sort of guilt you were carrying around, you wouldn’t be feeling like shit for wanting him around.

Your time to wallow ended as Susan threw your door open, her face filled with concern.

“Have you seen Maxine?” she asked you.

You turned your head and looked over at your mom, “Isn’t she in her room?”

“Oh my god,” Susan whispered before turning away and calling out to Neil.

You sat up suddenly and shut the stereo off before moving to Max’s room. The door was open and her skateboard sat on her bed, but Max was no where to be found.

Susan and Neil were knocking on Billy’s door and you stood in Max’s doorway as they started to yell. Your heart was slowly falling to your stomach and you felt as if you were going to be sick.

“What’s wrong?” Billy asked when he finally opened the door.

You watched as Neil shrugged his shoulders, “Why don’t you tell us?”

“Because I don’t know!” Billy was growing agitated.

“We can’t find Maxine,” your mom said.

“And her window’s open,” Neil added. 

You moved down the hall to them and wrapped your arms around your body. Susan glanced at you and shook her head slowly, “I don’t understand, Y/N.”

You went to speak as Neil looked between you and Billy before speaking again, this time with a much louder voice, “Where is she?”

The two of you said that you didn’t know and you tried to take a glance at Billy’s expression but you couldn’t see him with Neil standing in the way.

“Look I’m sure she just... I don’t know, went to the arcade or something. I’m sure she’s fine,” Billy tried to brush it off.

Neil moved into the room and you stepped forward, standing next to your mom as the two of you stared into Billy’s room.

“You guys were supposed to watch her,” Neil said, standing with his arms crossed.

“We were watching her. Max ran to her room and I thought she was just hanging out in there. That’s what she does,” you spoke up but your voice was small. 

“Oh you did one hell of a job then,” Neil turned his head to you for a second, shooting you a dirty look, before he turned it back to Billy. “Well, Billy?”

“I know, Dad,” Billy spoke over him as he moved to tug a jacket on. “It’s just you guys were three hours late and well, I have a date.” He turned back to him as he adjusted his arms and offered a half ass apology, “I’m sorry, okay?”

Neil nodded his head slowly, “So that’s why you’ve been staring at yourself in the mirror like some faggot, with Y/N locked up in her room like always, instead of watching your sister?”

You and Billy simultaneously had outbursts towards Neil’s remarks.

“I have been looking after her all week Dad, okay?” Billy began to shout.

“Fuck you, Neil, I’ve been watching her every single day since I got here!” you shouted at the same time. Your mom touched your arm lightly but you tugged it away as you stepped into his room.

Billy took it a step further and continued to talk, “She wants to run off then that’s her problem, alright? She’s thirteen years old. She shouldn’t need a full time babysitter. And she’s not my sister, she’s that little bitch’s problem!” He pointed over at you as he leaned over to shut the music off.

That was Neil’s breaking point. You jumped back as Neil slammed Billy against the shelves. The two of them began to pant and you heard your mom whimper behind you.

“What did we talk about?” Neil asked him.

Billy refused to answer him and you looked away quickly as he slapped Billy’s face. You held your fists tight by your side and looked back over when you heard him repeat the same question.

“Respect and responsibility,” Billy answered with a shaking voice.

“That is right,” Neil nodded. “Now apologize to Susan and Y/N.”

Billy continued to breathe heavily and refused to glance at either of you, but he muttered, “I’m sorry Susan and Y/N.”

“It’s okay, Neil, really-”

He cut your mom off and began to shout again, “No, it’s not okay! Nothing about his behavior is okay. But he’s gonna make up for it,” he let go of Billy and stepped back. “He’s gonna call whatever whore he is seeing tonight and cancel their date.”

“Not necessary. I can look for my sister myself,” you said to Neil. You didn’t want Billy’s help and you sure as hell didn’t need it.

“No, no. I don’t think you’re capable, Y/N. He’s canceling that date,” Neil looked over at you. “And then, he’s gonna go find his sister! Like the good, kind, respecting brother that he is. Isn’t that right, Billy?”

You looked over at your stepbrother. His face was red and his eyes were beginning to water. 

“Isn’t that right?” Neil screamed when he didn’t receive and instant answer.

Billy swallowed and whispered, “Yes, sir.”

Neil sighed and shook his head, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.”

Billy repeated himself, louder and clearer, “Yes. Sir.”

“Find Max,” Neil said to him. He turned around and walked towards you, bumping into your arm roughly as he walked by. You turned to glare at him just as he slammed the door shut and Billy threw something to the side.

“Get out of my room,” he looked up at you with a dark expression. “I’ll find her myself.”

“Like hell I’m letting you look for her alone,” you glared back at him. “Get your shit together and meet me outside by your car. We’re finding my sister and we’re not coming home until we do.”

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[mrcatlion]

vld s5 spoilery thoughts

hey, so, I know that I dont usually post stuff like this on here(or anywhere else), but some of it is future fan comic ideas that I want to test, and I need to vent.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions on when is an ok time to post fanart based on s5? I’m thinking of putting a spoiler warning on top of some works, but I’d still like to know everyones thoughts before I post anything.

but yeah, spoilers under the cut

So, I’m just going to preface this that I still feel an intense emotional reaction to thinking about Sephiroth’s downfall in Final Fantasy VII. Like, I made an AU where Cloud or Zack just give a little bit of emotional support to Sephiroth during his time in the library and because of that, he has a better time dealing with learning about all the bullshit surrounding his linage. And after seeing The Last Jedi and Black Panther, there was this hole in my heart for a good, interesting villain redemption that I was craving.

And its because of this that I dont know if Lotor’s arc in this season was actually good, or if I just really needed him not to be Sephiroth.

THEY LITERALLY HAD A SCENE WITH OUR LONG WHITE HAIRED BOY LOOKING THROUGH AN INFORMATION ARCHIVE THAT HAD LIFE CHANGING INFO ON HIS MOM and they didnt pull a sephiroth

Im still ready for anything to happen to everyone at this point, but I just really like that they could have gone down making him a backstabbing fuckboy. Like when Allura got the Altaen Alchemy magical chosen whatever, Lotor’s response to his own shortcomings was not a tantrum, or even an envious grimace, but instead he was really supportive of her. Like, he was happy for her? and genuine??!?!? And he felt comfortable enough to tell her about some really intense abuse from his racist dictator dad???? AND SHE WAS SUPPORTIVE BACK!?!?!?

I just didnt know I really needed Allura and Lotor being supportive friends. He could backstab her the first episode of season 6 and I’d still be like “at least I got to enjoy it for a few months”

Going backwards tho, It was kind of weird that Haggar/Shiro/Kuro had to sneak Lotor a weapon during the hostage exchange. It was a great fight scene, but I feel like they could have at least given him a communicator to talk to them in case something went wrong? The one solid thing in season 5 is that Galra culture has evolved to include a lot of backstabbing and power play, and its kind of a miracle that they had the real Sam Holt on the ship at all. I was not convinced that Sam was not another hologram until Pidge touched him. That episode had a lot of weird moments(Matt’s hair loop skips in one scene and I died). I also feel like if they gave a little more time at the end to let Zarkon’s death sink in a little bit too. Even just a moment for someone to walk up to him and be like “yeah he’s dead. Kill confirmed” would have helped.

Also I cant stop thinking about how bored Lotor would get in that cell, but the minute he hears Shiro and Allura coming, he’d jump back to his feet like “ive totally just been standing here the whole time”

I also doodled a comic where Allura hugs Lotor and afterwards Lotor attempts to hug everyone else. I dont even care if its in character or not, I’m making it an no one can stop me. I just really need to make it.

I’m really hoping for Lotor to just be able to be a nice leader with Voltron as political and emotional support. The galra get to start working on getting that colonizing out of their system, Lotor gets an actual family. He’s probably going to be usurped next season, but I’m still content imagining that his reaction to the Garrison trio’s antics as a light scolding followed by “invite me next time”

I dont know why, but I find it funny that, the one thing Sam Holt did was suggest hacking the tree virus, and then leaves.

Also, Sam Holt is the best space dad. Coran is best space uncle, but Sam is best Space dad, no contest.

ALSO I CANT GET OVER CORAN’S RANDOM PARASITE GAG WHAT WAS THAT JOKE WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT

I realized watching the Galra fighting each other, and going back to the tree planet, and just the succession of power in the Galra while the blades set up to destroy the Galra elite, Voltron scratches that need for interesting alien species and cultures and variety that I always craved watching Ben 10 as a kid. I wish vld existed when I was a 13 year old so I could get into it when I had time and energy.

Pidge and Hunk were good. Pidge was the best achieving her dreams. Hunk could have done more, but at least he had some good lines and might have joined the ‘lowkey concerned for shiro’ club with Lance and Allura.

Speaking of Lance, I’m kind of unsure how I feel about him? I was really into his arc with self doubt and identity as the team sharp shooter and being a great second in command, and the sword thing kinda felt like a weird side step on all that buildup. On one hand he had genuinely good interactions with Allura, but still devolved into unwarranted jealousy at times? w/e. At least he ended on a good note, but I feel like all the stuff that I was getting into with his character isnt there anymore? idk

Actually, rereading this over, I’m hoping that that ending note with Lance and Shiro kinda hinted that Lance is still a really good second in command, and he can be support for both Keith and Shiro as leaders.

Keith was there. Im kind of disappointed that no one talked about Keiths actions at the end of the last season, but oh well. Kolivan had to have known who he was sending Keith to, right? I cant tell if this is going to be some Marmora loyalty test, if Kolivan was knowingly orchestrating that family reunion, or if he just didnt know. I’m also hoping to see if they touch on how the more Keith learns about his bio family, the more he seems to be drifting away from his adoptive brother...

Also tho, I have no idea what Haggar’s actual motives are, but this season had a lot of cool stuff for her? Like, I think they’re implying that Haggar genuinely wants the best for Lotor, but knows that if he takes the thrown, the weight of Galra empire will destroy him. But she also hasnt told Lotor who she really is for some reason, and I’m still scared that that knowledge could also mess with him, because it sounds like Haggar has also done some traumatic stuff to Lotor despite/because the struggle just to get her zombie baby. It seems like she’s trying to look out for him with project kuron? IDK??? I love Haggar so much but I’m also so scared at what she could do to everyone???? I’m still full force ready for Kuron to be confirmed tho.

Actually, I think that by the end, there were some other fancomic ideas that I have in production that are still technically in character? So as long as I can get them done by July, I should be good!(of course one of them was the Halloween fancomic...)

So yeah, all in all, s5 had a lot of things that I really needed emotionally, however I am  prepared for dreamworks to rip my heart out and smash it into the ground.

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

[ncomiis]

whaddup whaddup everyone ! i’m kat (99% sure all of you know that) and i’m so so so excited to get things started tbh ? like i’m just so ready to get spooky with all of you ! anyways i’m 8teen ( finna catch this 9teen in a month), in the cst tz and y’all can hmu with the she/her pronouns ! so yes this is my annoying lil brat NAOMI CASTILLO and under the read more you can find some nice information for her, aight ? aight.

“and sometimes, when i did a really good job of pretending, i even fooled myself. ”

so basically naomi is the little kid that always asks ‘you got games on your phone?’ she’s very persistent and won’t shut up until she gets whatever it is that she wants.

once you get that pass the whole annoying persona— she’s actually a pretty cool girl. she’s nice, outgoing, isn’t afraid to speak her mind (kay that depends on the situation but most of the time; she’s p verbal with her opinions. despite how bad/good they are. and if they’re asked for.)

her horror movie trope is the scream queen so i promise once things start to go downhill, naomi will scream her lungs out every three seconds. if i could compare her to any horror movie character, it’d be nancy thompson from nightmare on elm street or emma duval from scream the tv series. just because they were both so.. you know… annoying lmao.

there is never a dull moment with naomi. she always has something to talk about. the topics can range from anything horror related to different types of foods. she always has something to say about anything.

naomi gets invested quickly. she wears her heart on her sleeve and she always tries her best to be there for whoever it is she’s trying to befriend or anything. despite her abandonment issues (which i’ll get to in a min) naomi is very naive when it comes to who she can trust. if a guy even looks at her some type of way— she’s convinced she’s in love and that he’s the one. she assumes everyone likes her (unless told otherwise but even then she doesn’t think it’s true) and i guess that’s really self destructive because not everyone can like you.

when naomi was ten, her father walked out on her mother, her brother and her to travel the world. strike one. when naomi was fourteen, her mother died in a car accident. strike two. when naomi was sixteen, her brother ran away and she hasn’t talked to him since. strike three. yeah naomi has pretty much been abandoned by everyone who she’s ever loved.

the reason why naomi falls too quick and too fast is because she’s afraid that if she doesn’t, x person will end up leaving her once they realize she has nothing to offer.

you can read her bio here and her stats are here.

“i hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”

⌜  i. ⌟ naomi cannot cook for the life of her which usually leads to micah cooking dinner or her ordering takeout.

⌜  ii. ⌟ she gets distracted easily. one second she’s talking about a certain thing and the next she’s changed the subject to something completely different.

⌜  iii. ⌟ after her mother’s death, naomi began to become more invested in her mexican culture. she’s fluent in spanish and very religious. so catch her praying for the group once they start doing some dumb shit.

⌜  iv. ⌟ she has a pet cat and she’s made it her duty to make sure that her puppy georgie gets along with luna (her cat). most of the time though it just leads to her place being a mess and each animal on either side of the apartment giving each other the evil eye.

⌜  v. ⌟ her youtube channel is just her getting in front of a camera and rambling for about four minutes. she usually talks about controversial topics and is vlogging.

⌜  vi. ⌟ she carries a camera with her everywhere. she likes showing everyone what’s going on, which is why being one of the tech geeks is the perfect job for her. naomi is always filming and/or taking pictures of everyone.

⌜  vii. ⌟ her major is journalism but her minor is history. she loves learning about all time periods— specifically the medieval ages and back.

⌜  viii. ⌟ she loves everyone in the group— despite any differences she may have with any of them. they’re like a family to her and she’d do anything to protect them. they were there for her when she was going through a tough time (even though they may not know it) so naomi cherishes every second she spends with them.

⌜  ix. ⌟ naomi loves anything chocolate related. that’s pretty much the way to her heart. just give her some chocolate and she’ll do whatever you say.

⌜  x. ⌟ she’s a big horror movie fan! like she knows her basics and how things go in the movies.

⌜  xi. ⌟ so uh ya i was saving this for last bc it’s.... a lot. anyways you all know she has twins (ava and noah who i forget their names like all the time) and..... this is so funny but she got pregnant while they were in marblemount/silverwood. who is the baby daddy you may ask? the one.... the only..... lana’s dad ! yeah wild naomi got knocked up by lana’s dad and she didn’t even know he was a serial killer and she still doesn’t know that it’s lana’s dad. all the drama that will happen.... i nut. no one knows about this except the ogs minus crisitan (bc homeboy dipped) but yes.... :~)

wow this was lowkey long but that’s pretty much naomi ! so if anyone wants to plot (sike we’re all gonna plot) just like this or send me an im !