#funny merry Christmas quotes for friends

[kaveesh-mommy]

100 best Christmas Quotes for Friends 2022"Season's Greetings to All Our Friends Around the World"

This Christmas 2022 we’ve gathered the Best Christmas Quotes friends.

We’ve got the perfect friend Christmas quotes including meaningful Christmas quotes for friends, merry Christmas friend quotes and wishes, Christmas quotes for friends far away, short friend Christmas quotes, funny merry Christmas quotes for friends, Christmas eve quotes for friends, Christmas card quotes for friends, religious Christmas quotes for friends, Christmas wishes quotes for friends and family, Christmas thank you quotes for friends.

[sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler]

the holidays are always really fucking weird, i dont like many of them but specifically December is just- ew

Anyway ill just thro my mini pitty party real quick:

These song explains how I feel about christmas time *perfectly*

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas by mother mother (christmas playlist)

From heres basically a trauma dump about being in the hospital, but i typically talk about this in a tone more like "oh yea! i nearly died lmao"

When i was like, just turning 6 I had 💫pneumonia💫 & needed to go to the 💫hospital💫. So I spent like, 12/11-31/15 in the hospital. along the way i had these treats happen (not really in order, 💜=story from family member, ❤=i actually remember this)

💜being diagnosed by my sisters 16 yo boyfriend by looking at my gums, whereas medical staff took 4 days

❤Some mcdonalds, cool auntys banana bread, jello & making popin cookin sets w/ my older sister

💜a 5 day medically induced coma

lung surgery therefor cool fuckin scars on my back (WHICH I CANT FUCKING SHOW ANYONE CAUSE I WAS CURSED W/ TITS AND 2/3 ARE UNDER MY BRA)

💜waking up from said coma periodically only to say "im scared" w/ my mom trying to comfort me but i had ear shit going on

💜Finnaly actually woke up, yelled "IM DEAD", which is reportadly the scariest shit my dad has ever heard, my mom asks if i hurt, i say yes, she like "ur not dead honey" again i was 6 & in & out of a coma 😂 (idk why but I've always found that story funny)

💜my parents being thretened w/ truancy by my dumbass school

❤Christmas, I had *2* mini christmas trees in my hospital room 💅 1 was cool but my cool uncle & aunty got me a pink 1 which I still have to this day as a lamp

💜only trusting 1 of my doctors cause he looked like my grandfather who'd been deceased for 2years at that point

❤💜going on walks around the kids floor in a wheelchair & stealing a little gingerbread beanie baby ornament but they didnt care so they just let me keep it & i still have it somehwere.

💜my mom met a lady who had a son who was a few months old & they didnt expect to live past a couple weeks but he *did* (more on that later)

💜had food in the cafeteria and i proceeded to rub the pizza i got *into my hair*. My response? "Its just cheese" my family and I quote that to this day lmao.

💜being reverted to a toddler for a good minute (someone asked my age i said i was 3, i was not) & needing to relearn walking, talking, the little bit of reading i knew & getting into a shower w/out being scared of being pulled down the drain

❤said dude who asked my age worked at the hospital cafeteria & we visited him after most of my appointments. miss u uncle (that was what he went by), wish u well. Dont know where he since covid cause the part of the building cafeteria was in was torn down.

❤and after all that later and i got releaced on new years eve :>

results:

From there forward i had a 20-30minute nebulizer to do every 4 hours (which my parents had to wake up at like 2am for a half hour for), 2 twice daily inhailers, 2 nasil sprays, "the tire" (tastes like shit and makes me feel anxious) (that isnt even all of it my mom counted 8 meds at one point) and i slowly dropped them year by year till they had me down to just rescue inhailer as needed & if my lungs r really shit for a min i go on the tire. (Tire=prednisolone but what 6 year old is remembering that name lol)

specialist appointments every week, then 2 weeks, then every month, 3 months, 6 months, now im at checkup every year and check in as needed

"Look whos inside again" by bo burnham is my life in a nutshell

To this day the smell of a consentrated area of hand sanatizer just has me stop in my tracks lol.

seeing a picture of tiny me on my parents facebook feed yearly of me unconscious in a hospital bed w/ tubes in mah face

couple of close friend i met post hospital (keep in mind i was like 7) didn't believe me so i ran around the playground cursing them the fuck out (never did get in trouble for that 😂) ((I still talk to 1 of them shes cool))

Idk where to put this but about that kid I was talking about before, I found out last year around this time he had just died- of 💫pneumonia💫. yea that fucked me up for a good minute, he was around 6 too which didn't help, I never even met the kid and I still had a weird form of survivors guilt.

Anyway have a merry fucking christmas i really dont get this holiday lol, treat yourself kindly, feel free to be the grinch you are and explain in detail why u hate the holidays u arent alone lol

[klm-zoflorr]

You know the drill by now. Marley incorrect quotes. They're funny. Part 9.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: How long does your ideal hug last?

Historia: 38-45 minutes

Mikasa: That's really impractical

Historia: You said ideal, not realistic!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, writing a letter to Magath:

Dear Commander,

ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?????

Kindest regards, Zeke

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa, about Eren: I can excuse terrorism but I draw the line at mass murder

Falco: You can excuse terrorism ??

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Thanks for always giving me great advice Commander, even if I don’t always use it.

Commander Magath: You actually never use it.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: It's not my fault dad likes me better than he likes you

Zeke: Oh, don't flatter yourself. Dad likes everyone better than he likes me

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Annie: I have a big announcement, everybody! Armin and I-

Sasha: Omg, you're pregnant??

Eren: Congratulations !

Connie: I'm so excited to find out if I'm gonna be an aunt or an uncle!

Annie: What? No, stop that. Armin and I bought fake beards, glasses and monkey plushies, we're gonna make Historia believe she has even more far removed psycho relatives lol

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: What happens when you die?

Zeke: Your soul goes into paths

Eren: No, I mean - when you die, do I get your stuff?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: I want us to be more than friends

Historia, clapping her hands excitedly: BEST friends??!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: *stoned out of his mind* I'm hungry

Carla Yaeger: I'm disappointed in you

Eren: Grilled cheese

Carla: What?

Eren: Grill me a cheese

Carla: I'm not doing that!

Eren: *starts crying*

Carla: Oh, for God's sake

*Cut to Carla making him a grilled cheese*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Merry day before Christmas!!

Porco: It's called eve

Falco: Oh sorry. Merry day before eve!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren fighting the Warhammer Titan: Call an ambulance!

Eren unplugging Lara Tybur from her titan: BUT NOT FOR ME!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: Tits or ass?

Reiner: Uhhh

Bertholt : ✨personality✨

Porco: It's not about which one you think is your best quality, Bertholt

Ymir: Ass.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia, wearing cat ears and drawn on whiskers: Zeke, where are your whiskers ?

Zeke, also wearing cat ears: Ask again and you'll be down to eight lives.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, to Falco: Oh please. Do you really think that disapproving glare works on me after all the times I've seen it?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia, after learning of Ymir's death: Maybe because you're skinny, and maybe because you're pretty, you're used to getting away with things. But I want you to know that your actions have an affect on others, and I hate you, and you are a horrible person, and you not understanding that you are a horrible person doesn't make you less of a horrible person.

Porco:

Porco: *blushing* You think I'm pretty?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: Right now I don't know if I want to kiss you or shove you off a bridge.

Eren: Can I pick?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I finally figured out what's been missing from my life.

Eren, pulling away the red curtain to reveal the Yeagerists: It's henchmen

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, about Reiner: What does being claustrophobic mean?

Falco: It means he's scared of Santa Claus

Reiner: No, it doesn't!

Gabi: Oh oh oh!

Colt: Stop it Gabi, you're scaring him!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: So you believe in God?

Hannes: Yeah, I do.

Grisha: Ahah, that's so stupid.

Hannes: Well, what do YOU believe in?

Grisha: That there is a millenia old mute teenager hanging around in a parallel plane of existence building up titans and reconstructing my arms when I get injured, all that with only magic sand and not a drop of water. There's no food there but it's fine because she's dead anyways. Also she's everyone's ancestor and if she allows you to you can talk in everyone's heads. She gained the ability to transform into a 120 meters tall skeletal monstrosity after a weird underground worm grafted itself onto her spine. You too can gain that ability by eating people!

Hannes: I... Okay. I'm just... Gonna leave now...

Grisha, loudly, at Hannes' retreating form: I DID IT BY THE WAY. I ATE PEOPLE AND WILL DO IT AGAIN.

Grisha: For the greater good, of course.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: So there I was, burying a Marleyan in the garden in a nightgown and slutty fishnet pantyhose...

Eren: And you think that's a normal Saturday morning activity?

Yelena: Well you gotta bury them somewhere!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch: Is it ok if I use gendered terms?

Yelena: Sure... Whatever

Floch: Fuck you.

Yelena: Where was the gendered term?

Floch: In your mom

Yelena:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Hi! How's it going?

Gabi: I don't know... I feel weird. *touches her arm* when I touch there it hurts.

Gabi: *touches her head* and when I touch there it hurts

Gabi: *touches her leg* and there too...

Gabi: *touches her shoulder* and it hurts as well...

Falco:

Falco, grabbing her hand: Gabi, your finger is broken.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren, about Ymir and Annie: My god, would you two just get a room already?

Annie: Excuse me??

Eren: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing in everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?

Ymir:

Historia:

Armin:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*S1*

Eren: I'm having a really hard time, I just lost my mother.

Reiner: I'm sorry, do you want me to help you go look for her?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: Would you like to know the quickest way to a man's heart?

Carla: *twirling her hair* Go on?

Grisha: Bilateral incision to the upper left region of the sternum.

Carla: What the fuck

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: So how do you ask someone out?

Eren: Well, first-

Mikasa: Don't ask him. He asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Eren: ...You said yes though?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, to Connie: You're starting to forget your Spanish because you don't practice

Connie: Lo siento. Estoy embarazado.

Sasha: You just told me you're pregnant.

Jean: Congratulations Connie, you're glowing!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: Thanks to Duolingo, I can ask someone if they're a horse but can't tell people what my name is in French

Jean: Ask me if I'm a horse. I dare you.

Armin: Tu es un cheval?

Jean: Nay

Armin: Oh you-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi, getting enrolled into the Survey Corps: You kill people for money??

Erwin: Look, it's not THAT extreme, we only do it when there's no other-

Levi: And all this time I've been doing it for free like a chump!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, a big smile on her face: You have to be the worst driver I've ever seen. How the hell did you get a licence?

Sasha:

Falco, appearing from the backseat discheveled: Please tell me you have a licence

Sasha:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi, her ear stuck to the door: I can hear three -no wait maybe, maybe four of them?

Gabi: They're talking about whether Kylie Jenner would make a good mother

*Reiner, Annie, Marcel and Porco's conversation gets heated*

Gabi: The consensus seems to be "no"

Falco: Well, that's why I'm a Chloe man

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: So does your friend... Mikasa, know about our plans?

Eren: Of course! Mikasa is in the known of all my plans, I heavily imply those to her all the time!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean: I have no fears!

Historia: What if you wake up one day and Eren is taller than you?

Jean: I have one fear.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: What now, you just turn tail on the family business?

Eren: Nothing says family quite like the whole family being dead

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: May I get you anything to drink, Eren?

S1 Eren: The tears of titans wrenched from their bodies as their bones are crushed.

Hange: We have jasmine tea.

Eren: Oh, jasmine. Yes, please.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren, to the 104th: If I die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucking party and you're all invited

Armin: If

Annie: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and he might not even die

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: Why do people have quiet respectful funerals? When I die I want my ashes mixed with glitter and packed tightly into a coffin and then they blow up the coffin with explosives so glitter rains down on the guests while blasting "thanks for the memories" by fall out boy

Porco: Jesus god almighty

Marcel: Dare tell me you wouldn't want to go to that kind of funeral. Come on.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: So can you take me to the ice cream store? Reiner said no

Porco: Well if Reiner said no then why should I say yes?

Gabi: Because he's not the boss of you!

Porco: *realises it's a trap*

Porco:

Porco: *getting up* Go get your stuff

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco, in a high-pitched voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Gabi, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Zeke: What the fuck are you guys doing?

Porco: Playing systemic oppression.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

Porco: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Gabi, go find out if that airship can catch fire!

Reiner: You're a bad influence.

Porco: And you don't know your sayings.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: You’ve heard of Netflix and Chill, now get ready for…

Marcel: ...IMAX and climax!

Pieck: Blockbuster and Cockthruster.

Porco: Hulu and Woohoo?

Zeke: Amazon Prime and Sexy Time!

Reiner: Church and repentance.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Yeah, like your family is so perfect! Your brother's a pervert!

Eren: Don't talk to me about the sexual habits of family members, what about your cousin?

Gabi: Reiner has been through a lot...

Eren: ...yeah, of dick!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner, covering Gabi's ears with his hands: Honestly I would be offended on my own behalf but WHY ARE YOU TALKING THIS WAY TO A TWELVE YEAR OLD??

Eren: When I was her age I was running for my life and slaughtering grown men. She'll be fine.

Reiner: You are not even REMOTELY what I would call "fine"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Bertholt: You're so pretty

Annie: r u flirting with me

Bertholt: Yeah

Annie: dont ever do it again

Bertholt: Sorry

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Floch: It's been a tough year

Yelena: It's the first week of January

Floch: Your point?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Mikasa: I mean, to be fair, we did organize a hostile takeover of our government, start a rebellion, invade his home, blow up his home, engage in technical terrorism, involving MULTIPLE sentient titans and A LOT of explosives, blow up his train, kill a bunch of his men, blow up his ship, shot him, shot him again and killed him. I'd be stressed too.

Mikasa: Well, if my ability to feel emotions hadn't been irrevocably numbed over a thousand times over.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: *holding acorn* What's this?

Connie: A tree

Gabi: Really?

Connie: In a nutshell, yes.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: Were you dropped on your head as a child?

Historia: Bold of you to assume I was even held!

Mikasa: Historia, we've talked about this

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: What did you two do?

Mikasa:

Armin:

Hange, whispering: You're not in trouble. I just need to know if I have to lie to the Yeagerists again or not.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: Aww Pieck, you had a crush on me, that's sooo embarrassing!

Pieck: We're literally married.

Zeke: Still.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Colt: I told you not to wear it in the shower!

Falco, holding a soggy Burger King crown: I don’t need a lecture right now, okay? I need emotional support

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I love hearing Mikasa shouting at someone else. It makes for such a nice change.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: It'll take a lot more than trying to kill Hange with a hammer to make her wanna run away.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: Are you single?

Marcel: "single" is the word the government created to give Americans tax disadvantages. If you're asking me if I'm lonely the answer is yes

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Are you alright?

Reiner: I'm gonna start charging people money for asking me that.

Eren: Oh, sorry. I meant it in a sarcastic way.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Mikasa is at a weaponsmith's exhibit, looking at all the pretty knives*

Eren: She's like a kid in a candy store

Armin: A butcher at a slaughterhouse perhaps

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: *in paths, making his grand speech about how Eldians need to be exterminated for there to be true peace*

Eren: Stop talking, please, this is just embarrassing.

Zeke: Stop me yourself, coward

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Grisha: *sending a message to Zeke of him standing in an empty field with the caption "I thought you'd like to know that I'm outstanding in my field"*

Zeke, texting back: Tf u gt data cover in Hel? 😳

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Erwin, texting: How make chicken

Levi, also texting: What

Erwin: Where buy chicken

Levi: Erwin this isn't google

Erwin: Avacoda

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, texting: fr eren giv paths bac u suk 😠🖕🏻

Eren, also texting: What, so you can forcibly mutilate our people for an uncaring and selfish nation who will never even recognise what you did for them? No way in hell I'm doing that bro.

Zeke: your anoyin

Eren: *you're

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, texting: h3y hru 😙

Pieck, also texting: Where are you? I'm at the front desk of the grocery store, please don't make me ask them to call you here.

Zeke: im coming. wat u think abt sover8y of the hi2ry ppl fro this mor9 gen meet? 🤔🤓

Pieck: What? Do you mean "What do I think about the sovereignty of the Hitoury people from this morning's general meeting"? Why are you asking me this by text?

Zeke: ya

Zeke: luv u bby c u lat3r <3 😘😍

Pieck: Please stop texting like a lovesick illiterate 13 year old girl.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha, texting Connie: Evil gang 😈

Sasha: Evil gang 😈

Sasha: Evil gang 😈

Sasha: Ily

Connie: Ily 2 bro <3

Connie: Evil gang 😈

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jean, texting: You are in a realm by yourself, the laughing stock of your village. You are a comedic vessel that has no port or harbor, a joke of a wanderer with no destination.

Reiner, texting back: I think u have the wrong number

Jean: is this eren?

Reiner: no

Jean: My bad

Jean: 👍

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: Well clearly you don't own an ✨air fryer✨

Gabi: Why are y'all frying air?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke, to Mikasa: Oh please, don't be so dramatic. If I'm really as evil as you say then may God strike me where I stand...

*lightning strikes*

Zeke, looking at the charred piece of ground 1 meter away from him:

Zeke: HA!! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sasha: I mean, to be stab-worthy, you know? It's, uh...

Sasha: It's kind of a compliment

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ymir: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?

Armin: IT. I threw the remote at my tv when the clown showed up. Never again.

Historia: Annabelle

Eren: Paranormal Activity

Annie: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the lyrics.

Mikasa: That time me and Eren got kidnapped.

Historia: That time you got WHAT

Ymir: That's not even a movie.

Mikasa: Still.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Eren sneaking back into his bedroom after a night of plotting war crimes*

Levi, flicking the light on: Mind telling me where you've been all night?

Eren: I was... Going over some plans with Commander Hange

Hange, turning around dramatically in Eren's chair: Wanna try that one again?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*During the time they were waiting for Eren*

Hange, to the pitch black room: If chickens were big enough to eat us do you think they would?

Levi: Hange, it's 4 AM. I don't have the patience for that kind of conversation.

Hange: What if you gave them titan serum, would they grow bigger?

Levi: Hange.

Hange: How do we know regular chickens don't already have a taste for our blood? Maybe they just play coy and innocent, until the day we're at their mercy, and then BAM!

Levi: They're vegetarian, Hange. They eat grain.

Hange: But are we sure of that?? I mean, we deduce an animal's diet by what they eat in the wild, correct? Chickens have so long been domesticated we forgot what they're truly after. Plus, look at those sharp beaks and scary teeth, that can tear meat off surely.

Levi: You're mixing that up with geese. Chickens don't have teeth.

Hange: Really? When was the last time you looked at a chicken, Levi?

Levi: I-...

Hange:

Levi:

Levi: Okay, but have you ever heard the french idiom "when chickens will grow teeth"? That proves chickens presently don't have teeth!

Hange: Or maybe they do, and everything we've ever said will never come to pass is actually gonna happen because we live in the worst timeline. Think about it, when was the last time you had a moment where you were genuinely calm, at peace and sure everything would turn out well?

Levi: When I had my tea yesterday, it was very early in the morning and all the brats were away.

Hange: ...Or maybe they grew their teeth in secret and they're hiding it from us!

Levi: Chickens aren't even smart enough for that!

Hange: ...Again, do you speak with a lot of chickens?

Levi:

Hange: I'd much rather speak with chickens than most of my trainees, to be honest.

Levi: Ha, true.

Hange:

Levi:

Hange: But do you think if chicken were big enough to eat us-

Levi: Hange, shut up.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Porco: You know, I used to be really against organ transplants.

Porco: And then I had a change of heart

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Ok, I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Pieck: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Porco: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Falco: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

Reiner: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: You should be addicted to shutting the fuck up

Eren: You wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid

Reiner: So what if I do?

Eren: *blushes*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: I love Star Wars

Sasha: Hello there

Reiner: Ahah hey what's up

Sasha:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Eren: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Ymir: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Levi, on his walkie talkie: This is Captain Levi, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: You ruined my life!

Grisha: How could I have done that?! I wasn't even there!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*After the Paradisians retook Shiganshina*

Zeke, still growing his limbs back: All in all, a 100% successful trip

Reiner: But we lost Bertholt.

Zeke: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Isabel Magnolia left the Survey Corps and is trying to make a living selling goods on the street*

Levi: What are you selling?

Isabel: Hats…what are you doing?

Levi: You are now selling quality piles of ashes!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: I'd like everybody to take a moment and think back to a time when they did something stupid, how they were treated, and how they wished they were treated.

Commander Magath: What the HELL did you do?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: Annie, I need to talk to you about something important.

Annie: That building was already on fire when I got there.

Armin: What?

Annie: What?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Connie, to Hange: Of course you shouldn't try to ride a Titan like a bull! Respectfully, Commander, any idiot would know that!

Sasha: I knew that!

Connie: See?!

Sasha:

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: *going off on his own and doing some wild thing*

Hange: What the hell are you doing?

Eren: I'm Eren-ing (ironing) this plan's kinks out!

Hange: What?! No, no, uh-uh! You're not turning yourself into a verb, I won't allow it!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zofia: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Gabi: Oh, I’m always running

Gabi: The question is from what

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: GABI! I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SWITCHED ALL THE CARTRIDGES OF MY COLORED PENS!

Gabi: Welp! Gotta go!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Did they hurt you?

Bertholt : No, no, I'm fine. Did YOU get hurt?

Reiner: Who cares?!

Bertholt : I do!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia: I mean, accidents don't just happen... You know... Accidentally...

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Armin: thank you, ancestors, for passing down detailed and cautious instructions on how not to get seduced and stolen away by mischievous female spirits, which I have lovingly transformed into How To Find Me a Wife Real Quick manual

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Porco is hard to figure out. Who knows what he's really thinking.

Zeke: Hey, Porco, whachya thinking about?

Porco: Frogs.

Zeke: He's thinking about frogs.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Historia, giggling: Hey Armin, why can't a koala be a bear?

Armin, reading a book: Because they're marsupials

Sasha, also giggling: bECaUse THey'Re mArsUPiaLS

Historia: NO! It's because they don't have the right koalifications!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Zeke: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Pieck: Th-that's not how that works-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: Oh yeah? Well at least I know how to read.

Porco: What?

Reiner: You made fun of me for reading comic books. Well, at least I know how to read.

Porco: What are you talking about?

Reiner: We were by the swing sets on the North side of the training camp.

Porco: You mean when we were ten?! That was a whole decade ago!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Mikasa Ackerman, I need you.

Mikasa: For?

Eren: Ever

Mikasa, voice cracking: Oh.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: I just need to hear those three words from you.

Zeke: I love you.

Pieck: Try again.

Zeke, grumbling: I will behave.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Man, sure is dark in here

Gabi:

Falco: I'm not scared or anything

Gabi:

Falco: I mean who is scared of the dark these days? Not me no sir

Gabi: Do you want me to hold your hand?

Falco: Yes please.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi: I fear no man. But that thing...

*Connie trying to slurp spilled vodka off the carpet while Sasha is desperately trying to hold him back*

Levi: It scares me.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: And, I'm gonna have to shut down this whole operation

Gabi: But why?!

Commander Magath: Because, Gabi, I can't have you sell your baby teeth as a "magic titan remedy" behind the government's back!

Gabi: *grumbles*

Falco: But they're not even hers!

Commander Magath: They're not- WHAT?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: I'm giving head to Porco for his birthday, t'was a pain to track down his first grade teacher!

Reiner:

Pieck: ʷʰᵃᵗ

Reiner: Zeke, what do you think "giving head" means?

Zeke: Giving your friends the head of their worst enemy on a silver platter, of course, why, what does it mean?

Pieck: Well, uh...

*Later*

Zeke: Frankly I'm disappointed

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Fun fact: this took two notes sheets (around 17500 characters. Longest yet!)

MORE

[kirshimadenkisero]

things my friends have said, a collection (ft a couple quotes from shows/games) ((credits to my best friend for compiling them for me))

for privacy reasons i’ve censored the names

“Haha suck it (random name)!” (not entirely sure where this one came from so i’m guessing they’re talking about someone they know??)

“Smells like sour cream depression”

“I’m busy being gay”

“Birbs get bitches”

“Yes. I kill joe Biden”

“You simply have less value”

“You are a coffee bean”

“I will go full frog mode on your bitchass-“

“I don’t know how to eat abbles-“

(PS: he was eating a fukin pear 😀)

“WAIT- GERMAN SHEPHERDS ARE GERMAN?!”

(offers grapes) “Sure, as long as they aren’t grape flavored”

“I’m a bitch and I’m a stitch”

“My brother is immune to getting r a n o v e r b y c a r s . . .”

“He now look like a wet rat and smell like cucumber”

“Tao Su looks like British Justin Bieber”

“#LockedUpForLife”

“He put his heart and soul into that dance”

“DO I HEAR A FUCKING MICROWAVE???”

“merry birthing”

“You stole kids candy, prepare to meet Jesus”

“Material gworl💅✨🏳️‍🌈”

“I bet it was the Shrek DVD…”

“I now know what I’m gonna get you for Christmas… t h e r a p y”

“the lake is thirsty…”

“IS STEVEN JESUS?!?!”

“where did his child go???”

“You are a spineless pretzel-“

“ŠTÄÇŸ MØVË!!!”

“Hey is that plane outside my window getting bigger???”

“Kneecaps gone. Insurance? Gieco.”

“Hippty Hoppity, get off my property”

“Are you getting your clothes from the back of Spencer’s??”

“My second wish would be a Mary Poppins bag full of fresh garlic bread”

“THERE COULD ONLY BE ONE!!”

“Mice and vanilla deer fries”

“DONALD DUCK IS THAT YOU?!!?!”

“Was that a deer??”

“Steve what are you doing here?? WHY ARE YOU IN MY LUNCHBOX-“

“I’m here to sell your kidneys”

“I ŁÏVĘ ĪÑ THË WÆTĖR!”

“Excuse me. That’s my front lawn you’re talking to.”

“I DONT KNOW I CANT COUNT 🥲”

“Why don’t I have no fingers…. (friend), did you steal my fingers again???”

“That notification sound sounded delicious. Absolutely exquisite 🤌🏽”

“Is water wet???”

“Water is crazy, you can boil in it, you can drown in it, yet we need it to survive”

“That just sounded like my sisters spine at 3:00AM 💀”

“THERES POISONOUS SKUNKS. THEY’RE MULTIPLYING AAAAAAAA”

“It’s supposed to be hot cocoa but it’s looks

s u s s y-“

“2020 part 4”

“YUO MAMMA’D YOUR LAST MIA”

“Bestie, I love you but calm down about the raisins 😀”

“I'm not alive🧍🏻‍♀️”

“Bro got sent to the shadow realm-“

“Quickly, hide the stock before the landlord finds us!!”

“Make the taxidermy dance...”

“Philza, you haven’t been collecting my wood have you?”

“ITS PHILZA MINECRAFT!! HES IN MY MINECRAFT SERVER!!!”

“I DONT KNOW, GRAB A BROWNIE OR SOMETHING.”

“What the fuck is a Spinosaurus, a dinosaur with a spine???”

“Oh, it’s weed boy”

“Hippity hops, ima call the cops 😀”

“Be right back, gotta go walk my fish-“

“WHY IS THE DOOR WALKING??”

“I gotta go fold the dishes”

“You just haven’t mastered the spoon yet”

“He wouldn’t know, he’s a pencil 😄”

“Do you see the screen? Are you sure you aren’t deaf-“

“That wasn’t powder on that donut…”

“NAPOLEON III IS A PATHETIC IDIOT WHO GETS NO BITCHES”

“My sister just brought me a penguin, and it threw up crayons”

“He’s a closeted American”

“You ain’t scared of the ocean until you see a t-posing squid”

��Ah women”

“Did Youtube find out I was religious???”

“Where’s my 15% off you rip off midget dinosaur”

“It would be funny if he choked and died” (i would like to mention this was said by my friend’s teacher)

“Don’t come to the circus tomorrow Ragatha”

“No, you aren’t a loser, you’re just colorblind”

“BOMBBB-“

“Call me a triple A battery, cause I have Anxiety, ADHD, and Autism!!”

“Bro became a vacuum cleaner 😭”

“I HATE SPLASH MOUNTAINNN!1!1!!!1!!”

“Fuck it, we ball 🏀”

“IF I RUN FAST ENOUGH, THE VOICES CANT CATCH UP”

“RED ENVELOPE FROM GRANDMA!?!? THAT MEANS MONEY!!!”

“It’s called neighbors, we are allowed to have them”

“So what. He can eat spaghetti out of his eyes”

“she wishes a broken leg upon you”

“Me and my crayons can do this shit anymore”

“Swaggy animal cruelty”

“I will temporarily sue you and your family”

“Yeehaw that motherfucker”

“Oh wow, I just killed two people”

“Whitey Kitey is MAD”

“So imagine me trying to break human skin 🥰”

“John Doe is a he/him lesbian”

“He got them string cheese bangs”

“Alas, for this is an example of the pain I must go through with this curse of immortality. Though I may never have my final breath, the price is eternal suffering”

“Cause they’ll think you’re all German Nazis who are trying to do a poison delivery”

“His birthday is on April 1st. His birthday is a joke”

“I WILL BURN YOUR COOPERATION INTO THE GROUND IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO”

“IM GOING TO SKIN THE OWNER OF RITZ ALIVE”

“A woman, in her late thirties, wearing a school issued swimsuit. Worst of all, she was rocking it” - Rae Taylor

“Isn’t your life already crumbling apart”

“ITS A FORBIDDEN MIXTURE”

“IM ON THE PODIUMMMMM”

“WHAT IS THIS. I DONT SPEAK BAGUETTE”

“Peaceful yuri in the wild”

“Buddy, I’m in normal math. Compact math people are CRACKED-“

“I CAN SEE THE AUTISM IN HIS EYES”

“Bro looks both ways when he crosses the street unwillingly”

“I don’t care when you deliver them to me. Expiration dates don’t matter to me-“

“Friendship levels?? More like Yuri levels.”

“YOU BETTER FUCKING PRAY CEO OF MAX”

“Okay I admit it. I’m guilty of slave ownership”

“She sounds like a starving Victorian child 😭”

“Now go adventurer, and have this. A gun.”

“I will paper cut your eyes in your sleep”

“THEN IM GOING FOR THAT BITCHASS WHORE AUTOCORRECT”

“HER PANTS WOULD BE ON FIRE RIGHT NOWW”

“I just want to have a friendly conversation with him, me, and my gun”

“IM GONNA TURN THE OWNER OF CHICK-FIL-A INTO ROASTED CHICKEN”

“DUDE HES GOING THROUGH A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND YOURE TALKING ABOUT TACOS”

“DAMNNIT BUBBLE I TOLD YOU THAT INVADING IRAQ WAS A BAD IDEA”

“If my dog doesn’t shut the fuck up after three strikes I will yell at her in less passive and more aggressive German.”

“Buenos días fuckboy”

“Wow, (friends name)-censorship”

“ITS NOT A PHASE MOM, BEING AN ORANGE EMO TRACK RUNNER IS MY PERSONALITY!!!!!!!1!1!1!1!”

“Oh my days, my Cheeto is turning into a cheese puff”

“I love my emo son”

“Listen, I’m not gay. That’s only on Thursdays”

“I just went up there for a bandaid and I got her toes?!!?!!”

“What did he do to deserve becoming a pretzel berry”

“I HATE YOU DREDNAW. YOU WILL BECOME AN ORPHAN ON THE STREETS”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he burned down a convenience store, but yeah he’s nice”

“No, it’s only a very late abortion”

“THIS IS WHY GIRLS RULE AND BOYS DROOL”

“God damn it’s genetic 😨”

“It’s crustier than William Afton”

“Well, I’m gonna die anyway but red would be pretty cool”

“Not a gram of hetero blood in their veins”

“Oh the law? That’s not a thing”

“POLLINATE MY BROTHER IN HONEY”

“Do I look like I speak Beepanese?”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not even legally allowed to have this-“

“He looks like if god sniffed a line of coke and then tried to recreate Squirtle from memory” (talking about chewtle)

[requincouche]

What do you think of the sentence: With the natural sciences we get to the moon, but never to heaven.

Well regarding the Moon, there's two quotes that are of interest to this question.

"Yuri Gagarin flew into space, but didn't see any god there"

"And from the crew of Apollo 8, we close with good night, good luck, a Merry Christmas – and God bless all of you, all of you on the good Earth."

It's kinda funny how opposing these seem, though both probably had an underlying motivation. As for what I think... Regardless of whether you're religious and which religion that'd be, the concept of heaven could be that there's a reward for you for good behavior in life. Though, you can ask yourself the question whether a reward in life is more valuable than a reward after life. The Christian version of this is that the after-life is eternal, thus your reward for good deeds in life would be immeasurably greater than one during life itself. The uncertainty of whether you'd get there would be the ultimate motivation.

If we replace 'heaven' with the blissfulness of a fulfilling life on earth, I think that the original Ask becomes much clearer. Science can improve our ability to communicate, our health, our food and drinks, and our entertainment. Though, what it can't do is make us a better person, help us to be a better friend, brother/sister, or parent. With regards to science, I'm most familiar with medical science. The topic I can bring to your attention is "medicalization of society". Medical sciences bring us the good, though they also add the dynamics of medical capitalism into our society; i.e. "pathologization" or pejoratively "disease mongering". It's more correct to refer to this as "overmedicalization", though. What I mean by this term is that an industry which profits on pathologies, will probably attempt to increase the rate of diagnoses, to get more people to buy their drugs or use their medical services, under the guise of improving health. The very concept of (the acceptance of) normality can be employed as a marketing gimmick. Regardless of the critique on overmedicalization, it'd be unwise to reject the benefits of diagnoses, drugs, and medical services. It would be an unfair discussion to argue overmedicalization versus undermedicalization. I don't even have a solution to it. I personally find it bizarre that for example 5+% of the Western European population is using some form of anti-depressants right at this moment. You can look at this and conclude that it's good for so many citizens to have access to pharmaceutical support for their health issues. Though, you can also look at this and conclude that there is a mental health crisis raging throughout populations which either exists for real, due to massive over-diagnosis, or due to over-prescription of these drugs. This pattern continues also into other pathologies.

The question here is whether all these medical-scientific advancements have brought us closer to 'heaven', i.e. closer to feeling fulfillment in our lives. My own answer is that it's unrelated to one another. Superficially you can answer that health is a huge part of happiness, and that you'd wish for your family and friends to live long and healthy lives. Though, does that imply that life was less fulfilling and happy in the past? 200-300 years ago there were many more hardships e.g. infant mortality. But what I want to bring to your attention that hygiene, quality food and clean drinking water probably played the biggest role in the advancements herein, followed closely by vaccinations.

I don't have a definitive answer for you. Science is a tool to generate new knowledge, and that knowledge can be used to help us. Though, I don't think that the generated knowledge can be part of happiness itself, at least not in a vacuum. If you can contribute to this monologue, please feel free and I'll be happy to revise my opinion.

[jmiemagvans]

Merry Christmas everyone!

@narilily, @cagenewman, @chloenwckobia, @brooksienewman, @xsylcuenco, @docolives, @darpow, @ahlandrieu @stellylee

Nari

For our resident plant mama... first some really fun wine glasses! I laughed a little too hard. And the next one is a butterfly puddler, which I felt fitting because gardens and butterflies.

Cage

A backpack for your travels. You're busy and you've got a lot to do! So this is for a future trip somewhere special. And a make-your-own-game kit, something you and Colton can do together, which is pretty cool, I think!

Chloe

Some coloring pencils since we talked a little bit about being creative! Well, you can use these for just doodling or anything you want, really! And I found this plus tamagotchi which I found to be really funny and cute.

Brooksie

I saw these cufflinks that are made of the workings of a watch. They look really snazzy to me, honestly. The bag is something I also thought was pretty cool, something to help your work at the farm and moving stuff around.

Sylvia

To one of my best friends here and anywhere, I think these earrings are really cute, and they go with almost anything, right? And the slippers made me think of you, being stylish and colorful.

Livvy

So I hear you like squishmallows, so here is one that is a cat! Plus you have a cat named Mallow, so that's perfect, right? Next... I hear you like wine... so, a wine slushie kit to use to your heart's content!

Darrius

Okay, these history quotes made me laugh. But I always love chatting with you and talking about your classes! So a cheeky mug and an even cheekier shirt.

Annie

For your shopping adventures, a new tote bag! It's colorful and it's made of recycled materials, which makes it even better. And a make-your-own play dough kit for the kids!

Stelly

I hear you like music, so I found this really cool mechanical music box where you can put bumps in the sheet music to match your favorite tunes, and as you turn the crank, it plays! Next is a sunography kit! You can make pictures in the sun with this special paper.

[nicopony79]

I was listening to my fave podcast, Conan O’Brien Need A Friend. Conan’s humor is the exact right amount of absurd/weird that appeals to me. So he was talking about writing for The Simpsons and how they all loved writing insanely evil and funny things for Mr. Burns to do and say. I get it, I say ‘Merry Fishmas’ on the reg, even if it’s not the holiday season. But, Conan says, he was reminded that at the end of the day, after all the Mr. Burns bits, The Simpsons is a story about a family.

I think the what the X-Office is churning out is all Mr. Burns bits, and they forgot what the X-Men stories were about. It’s all Emma Frost, Sinister, and now people cheering for big zaddy Apocalypse to come back to “save” Krakoa from Xavier. Really? Yes, so fun to write for these characters, with their hot takes, mean girl quotes, and feats of power. When I think about some of my favorite X-issues, it’s the Thanksgiving issue that stands out in my mind, and it has zero snappy insults or world-building terraformation. No Gala costumes. No chimera amalgamations with cool weapons.

I admit, ‘Merry Fishmas’ should probably only be used at Christmas, there’s only so much time I want to spend with Mr. Burns. Speaking of: Sigh…another four weeks of Sins of Sinister to go, and then back to more of the same.

[notbreathing-aer]

fav fics: pt2

dw, im sure the other one will resurface when obx3 comes out <3 The Robin Trilogy by sgt-morgan Pt. 1 Guessing Game

Summary: You and Matt have a little inside joke, turns out you're hella right

Warnings: AFAB reader I think? I'm not sure, I forgot if I gave reader pronouns. Mentions of g!ns, probably blasphemy, Matt's dangerously beautiful ass. None really, v fluffy.

A/N: This is for all you girlies still waiting for Matt to show his face in She-Hulk. I'll fill your thirst void. We are gonna get there 2gether I swear.

Pt. 2 Robin Bites Back. Pt. 3 The Test

i. freaking. love. all of this. its, honest to god, one of the best things ive read in such a long time. the reader is so funny and badass, all her interactions with, like, literally anyone are golden. and the chemistry- the chemistry. oh my- and some of the quotes in here are fucking legendary. 10000/10 absolutely recommend.

@sgt-morgan

Not Just On Christmas by keeryshouse

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

summary: steve's parents are coming home for the holidays and he's in need of a fake date. who better than you, his best friend?

word count: 8.2k

warnings: steve's parents (derogatory), negative comments about his job, fake dating, friends to lovers, christmas themes, fluff, first kiss!

a/n: i had lots of fun with this one and i hope u guys like it!!! merry christmas and happy holidays i hope they treat u all well <33 consider this my gift to you :D

FUCK STEVES PARENTS FFR. they suck. also can you tell that i am in love with the bsf to lovers trope??? its so sweet. AND THEYRE SO SWEET IN THIS FIC!! like actually though, had me giggling and shit. steves such a sweetheart ;; deserves the world and more. absolutely recommend for the fluff and the comfort and just steve in general <3

@keeryshouse

[noisycowboyglitter]

"Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear: 10 Motivational Quotes to Inspire Your Journey"

Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear: A Festive Fusion of Fun and Fitness

Buy now:19.95$

Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear is a playful and humorous twist on the traditional Christmas greeting. It combines the spirit of the holiday season with a touch of fitness motivation, creating a catchy and memorable phrase. This clever slogan appeals to those who enjoy a good laugh while staying committed to their health and wellness goals.

The phrase cleverly incorporates a double meaning, referencing both the traditional "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year" and the desire for fitness enthusiasts to achieve a toned physique. It's a lighthearted and relatable message that resonates with people of all fitness levels.

Buy now

This fun and engaging slogan can be used in various creative ways. It's perfect for fitness-themed merchandise, such as t-shirts, gym bags, and water bottles. It can also be incorporated into social media campaigns, marketing materials, and gym promotions.  

By using "Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear," you can tap into the festive spirit while promoting a healthy and active lifestyle. It's a unique and attention-grabbing phrase that will surely make people smile and encourage them to prioritize their fitness journey.

Funny Christmas Exercise is a playful term that combines the joy of the holiday season with the often-dreaded task of working out. It refers to lighthearted and humorous physical activities that incorporate Christmas themes and elements. This concept aims to make exercise more enjoyable and engaging, especially during the festive period when indulgence is common.

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From silly Christmas-themed workouts to humorous exercise challenges, funny Christmas exercise can be a fun way to stay active and burn off those extra holiday calories. Whether it's dressing up as Santa for a workout, participating in a gingerbread house building contest with exercise twists, or creating hilarious exercise videos, this trend encourages people to find joy in movement.

By incorporating humor and creativity into fitness routines, funny Christmas exercise helps to reduce boredom and increase motivation. It's a perfect way to spend quality time with friends and family while getting fit together.

Don't panic! Finding the perfect Christmas present doesn't have to be stressful. With a little creativity and planning, you can discover fantastic last-minute gift ideas. From personalized keepsakes to

Buy now

indulgent treats, there's something to suit every taste and budget. Explore a range of options, including digital subscriptions, gourmet food baskets, or unique experiences. Remember, it's the thought that counts, so choose a gift that reflects your appreciation and love. With careful consideration, you can still create a magical Christmas for your loved ones.

[kaveesh-mommy]

100 best Christmas Quotes for Friends 2022"Season's Greetings to All Our Friends Around the World"

This Christmas 2022 we’ve gathered the Best Christmas Quotes friends.

We’ve got the perfect friend Christmas quotes including meaningful Christmas quotes for friends, merry Christmas friend quotes and wishes, Christmas quotes for friends far away, short friend Christmas quotes, funny merry Christmas quotes for friends, Christmas eve quotes for friends, Christmas card quotes for friends, religious Christmas quotes for friends, Christmas wishes quotes for friends and family, Christmas thank you quotes for friends.

[akshkata]

Holiday Humor: Hilarious Christmas Quotes to Brighten Your Festive Season

It's that time of the year again: twinkly lights and mistletoe, frosty windows, and hot cocoa - and not forgetting those shiny wrapped presents that everyone is eyeing. Amidst the merry festivities, let's inject some humor into the mix with hilarious and funny Christmas quotes that can tickle your funny bone and brighten up your holiday season.

Let's kick things off with a whimsical take on Christmas dinner: "I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." - Erma Bombeck. Yes, indulgence is the name of the game when it comes to Christmas feasts, and this funny quote brings a light-hearted touch to our holiday eating traditions.

Speaking of the yuletide season, we have a creative take on the well-known fact that Christmas is a time for giving, but author Oren Arnold adds a hilarious twist by saying: "Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect."

That's not all; we have another light-hearted Christmas quote from comedian Larry Wilde: "Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall." This charming quote reminds us to see Christmas through the eyes of a child, where everything is bigger, brighter, and more magical.

Then we have the hilarious Dave Barry who brings his humor in navigating the Christmas festivities. He says, "Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his way, by going to the mall of his choice." This comical observation underlines the ironic truth that for many, the holiday season has become synonymous with shopping sprees.

Finally, let's end with a quote from the brilliant Ellen DeGeneres, who uses humor to emphasize the spirit of togetherness during the holidays: "Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log." As funny as it may sound, it subtly reminds us of the cozy family gatherings we look forward to every Christmas season.

In conclusion, these funny Christmas quotes play a vital role in filling our holiday season with laughter and joy. As you celebrate this festive period, may every single day be filled with cheer, every moment filled with love, and may the laughter never fade away.

Have a holly jolly Christmas filled with love, laughter, and a lot of holiday humor!

[clickvibes]

Apple Music unwraps new 'Carols Covered' Holiday Playlist

New Holiday Covers By Bnxn, Coco Jones, Armani White, Ella Henderson, Hemlocke Springs, Jeongyeon from TWICE And More Now Live Exclusively On Apple Music in Spatial Audio'Classical Carols Covered' available for Apple Music Classical subscribers and highlights new festive songs arranged and performed by classical music’s finest artists. 'Carols Covered is back again with a new line-up of exclusive to Apple Music holiday songs reimagined by some of contemporary music’s most impactful artists, plus an additional Classical Carols Covered playlist, highlighting beautiful new versions of carols and festive songs performed by top classical artists. All available in immersive Spatial Audio.Carols are at the heart of Christmas and other holidays—whether sung at festive services or simply bellowed out at home with friends and family. Carols may be a part of our well-established traditions, but they’re also constantly evolving, with new arrangements composed every year that bring freshness and vitality to old favorites. This year’s batch includes new selections from Ángela Aguilar, Armani White, Bnxn, Coco Jones, David Shaw, Dikka, Elevation Worship, Ella Henderson, Gallant & Jensen McRae, G Flip, Hakushi Hasegawa, Hemlocke Springs, Jeongyeon of TWICE, Lauren Spencer Smith and Restless Road.Previous Carols Covered collections have featured contributions from names like Amelia Moore, Ari Lennox, Arlo Parks, beabadoobee, Brett Eldredge, charlieonafriday, Elio, Ellie Goulding, Eslabon Armado, Fletcher, GIVĒON,glaive, James Blake, Jvck James, Katie Gregson-MacLeod, Mickey Guyton, Muni Long, Ozuna, RAYE, Shenseea, Shygirl, SiR, Tate McRae and Victoria Monét,and Yahritza Y Su Esencia.And back to Apple Music this year, Classical Carols Covered, featuring beautiful, brand-new versions of carols and festive songs performed by a handful of the best and brightest in the classical world. The full Classical Carols Covered playlist will also be available to subscribers on the new Apple Music Classical app. This year’s collection features heartwarming arrangements from Maria Duenas, Olivia Belli, Randall Goosby & Carlos Simon, The Sixteen, and Xuefei Yang as they perform well-known Christmas music alongside a couple of lesser-known gems and bring their incredible musicianship to these carols. Carols Covered Track ListLauren Spencer Smith, “Hallelujah"Coco Jones, "8 Days of Christmas"Armani White, "Two Front Teeth"Elevation Worship, "Here Come Heaven"Restless Road, "Mary, Did You Know?"David Shaw feat. Keilana, "Male Kalikimaka"Hemlocke Springs, "Christmastime is Here"Gallant & Jensen McRae, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"Ángela Aguilar, "Te Deseo Muy Felices Fiestas"Jeongyeon of TWICE, "O Christmas Tree”Bnxn, "Joy To The World"Dikka, "Eine Muh, Eine Mäh"Ella Henderson, "Stay Another Day"G Flip, "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)"Hakushi Hasegawa, "Wonderful Christmastime"Classical Carols Covered Track ListRandall Goosby & Carlos Simon, "The Christmas Song"Maria Duenas, "El Chant Del Ocells"Xuefei Yang, "Ave Maria"The Sixteen, "Bethlehem Down"Olivia Belli, "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"Artist Quotes BNXN, “Joy to the World”“My choirmaster would make a funny face whenever he’s singing, ‘And heaven and nature sings,’” Nigerian singer-songwriter BNXN tells Apple Music. “It’s like he tried to make a baritone voice and he makes this funny face and sometimes it distracts the whole band. That’s a memory I don’t think I could ever forget, because it’s a very happy one.”Coco Jones, “8 Days of Christmas”“It’s so impactful when a genre and a holiday really mesh perfectly,” singer-songwriter Coco Jones tells Apple Music. “I feel like that’s the foundation for a classic holiday song, and ‘8 Days of Christmas’ is a classic.”Elevation Worship, “Here Comes Heaven”For their contribution to this season’s curated selection of holiday songs, the Christian worship group reimagined their 2018 hit song “Here Comes Heaven” from their live album Hallelujah Here Below. “We’re really excited about having this version of our song mixed in Spatial Audio,” Elevation Worship singer Chris Brown tells Apple Music. “Knowing it would be experienced that way gave us extra creative incentive and license to throw unique sounds and instruments around in different places.” Ángela Aguilar, “Te Deseo Muy Felices Fiesta”“I think that ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ is a beautiful song that embodies positivity and love and gratitude and a message of ‘everything is going to get better’—and I love that,” Mexican American singer Ángela Aguilar tells Apple Music. “‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ has always been a part of our Christmas playlist in the house, and it's a song that we all get to sing, and it’s part of my childhood. This song has really grown with me.”Armani White, “All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”“I chose ‘Two Front Teeth’ because I used to have a silver tooth when I was a kid,” rapper Armani White tells Apple Music. “I wanted to find a record that could still bring that childlike kid energy into Christmas.”Ella Henderson, “Stay Another Day”“I wanted to produce up this record and do it very differently to the original, but still stick to the original structure,” English singer-songwriter Ella Henderson tells Apple Music. “I wanted to add a few more gospel elements to it, really strip it right back to just myself and a piano. We've got an incredible string arrangement on there, and I think altogether, it just has this really beautiful, minimalistic element, but it also extends to this heightened emotional state.”G Flip, “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)”“I chose to cover ‘Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)’ because I just love the song,” Australian singer-songwriter G Flip tells Apple Music. “It’s a banger of a Christmas carol. The Darlene Love version is really awesome, and her wailing vocals on it, how she just lets it rip, especially in the outro, is so great.”Lauren Spencer Smith, “Hallelujah”“I’ve always loved singing ‘Hallelujah,’ and there’s so many different versions of it that so many different artists have created,” Canadian singer-songwriter Lauren Spencer Smith tells Apple Music. “I love singing this song around the holidays, but as a kid, I sang this song all the time at singing competitions and for my mom in the kitchen, so I thought it would be really cool to do a recorded version of this as I got older for Christmas.”Hemlocke Springs, “Christmas Time Is Here”“I think music is one of the biggest reasons why I really enjoy Christmas,” singer-songwriter Hemlocke Springs tells Apple Music. “Christmas music just hits really hard for no reason. It just hits so hard in the feelings. Even with the song I cover, ‘Christmas Time Is Here,’ it can bring me into a happy, joyful, and melancholic state all at the same time. It’s like I’m looking back on memories that have happened in the past and also looking forward to the future. Christmas music just enhances those feelings for me.”Jensen McRae feat. Gallant, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”“It taps into what I love most about all Christmas music and what I try to tap into in my music, which is this sense of nostalgia,” singer-songwriter Jensen McRae tells Apple Music. “It reaches back in time in this really beautiful way, but also doesn’t feel dated.” For this year’s Carols Covered, McRae opted to cover the classic track “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” and enlisted some help from Maryland singer-songwriter Gallant. “‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ is one of those classic quintessential Christmas songs,” Gallant says. “It’s probably my favorite Christmas song. It doesn’t go too deep into the symbolism or the technicalities or the religious aspect of the holiday, and as a result, you get a song that, at least for people who celebrate Christmas, is very universal. It talks about gathering with your friends and family, being grateful to be able to spend that time together.”Jeongyeon of TWICE, “O Christmas Tree”“I thought it could bring back some sweet holiday memories for everyone while they listen to my cover,” TWICE member Jeongyeon tells Apple Music. “‘O Christmas Tree’ is one of my must-listen holiday songs. And it takes me back to those comfy times hanging out with my friends and family enjoying the holiday vibes together.”*****Randall Goosby & Carlos Simon, “The Christmas Song”Randall Goosby (violin): “Nat King Cole’s "The Christmas Song" has always been a favourite Christmas carol of mine. He’s the epitome of smooth, suave warmth—everything you’d want to associate with the holidays. I thought it would be the perfect occasion to blend the smoothness of Nat King Cole with the smoothness of the great Carlos Simon to create this wonderful arrangement for you all.” Carlos Simon (piano and arranger): “Of course, I thought of Nat King Cole, the swooning strings and the lush harmonic structure, but I wanted to create something that’s quite Debussy- or Ravel-like in my arrangement, with lush arpeggios and sort of a swooning melody line.”Xuefei Yang, “Ave Maria”“Just as good movies must have soundtracks to enhance the feelings, for me great holidays must have music to enrich the soul and relax the mind. I find the melody of Schubert’s "Ave Maria" so beautiful and touching, which is perhaps why it has been adopted over the years for many occasions, including Christmas. I arranged Schubert’s piece for two guitars, and I play both parts myself, using one guitar as my voice and the other to accompany. Lyricism is one of my trademarks, and this piece gives me the opportunity to really make the guitar sing.”The Sixteen & Harry Christophers, “Bethlehem Down”Harry Christophers (conductor): “I’ve always loved the music of Peter Warlock, and this particular carol has a special place in my heart—I remember singing it when I was a student at Oxford University. Peter Warlock composed Bethlehem Down in 1927 as an entry into The Daily Telegraph’s carol-writing competition when Warlock was in financial difficulty, and he won. I think that’s just brilliant! "Warlock’s version is just four verses for a cappella choir—what we’ve done is just add piano and violin interludes between each verse in a very atmospheric style. I think Peter Warlock would have been very pleased we did this.”Olivia Belli, “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”“God Rest You Merry Gentlemen" is not from my own tradition, but its melody attracted me because of its noble and archaic character. I really like its implicit harmonic possibilities, which allow me to play between major and minor, between sweet and bitter. "In the holidays, we have our own ritual regarding music: in the morning, while we decorate the house or cook or wrap gifts, we love lively and rhythmic music. After lunch, which represents for us a moment of pause, we like to listen to smooth songs with a winter mood, while in the evening it’s time for traditional, sacred songs.”Maria Dueñas, “El cant del ocells”Maria Dueñas (violin): “El cant dels ocells " was made famous by the great Spanish cellist Pablo Casals, and is a traditional Catalan song and lullaby. The original text speaks of nature’s joy at learning of the birth of Jesus, with many birds gathering to celebrate. I associate Christmas with spending time with my family and having time to reflect, so I chose a work with a nostalgic and intimate feeling—the feeling of going back home.”Carols Covered playlist link: apple.co/carolscovered Read the full article

[dailyquotesbank]

If you looking for Happy New Year Quotes for writing in greetings to family, friends, and colleagues? You have come to the right place. So, to help you out I have collected Happy New Year Quotes.

Check out the following happy new year quotes for friends and family, Merry christmas and happy new year quotes, funny happy new year quotes, positive happy new year quotes and more.

[theinkpen]

Merry Christmas 2020: Wishes, quotes, images and greetings to share with family and friends

Merry Christmas 2020: Wishes, quotes, images and greetings to share with family and friends

Every year households get collectively; some go to their mates and take pleasure in memorable events to have fun the start of Lord Jesus Christ. The Competition of Christmas is a time of pleasure and heat, surrounded with the love of relations and the comradery of mates. Through the years, it’s has turn into far more than simply the celebration of Jesus Christ’s start; now it’s seen to embody the…

[gensimping-for-all]

Making a long post because yes

Quotes from me and my friends as Genshin Characters

Again

Les go

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Chongyun: “That’s not funny.”

Hu Tao: “I thought it was funny.”

Chongyun: “You don’t count. You laughed in the middle of a funeral because someone barged in with a scythe dressed as the grim reaper for a dare.”

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Xinyan: “I lOvE yoU, yOu loVe mE, lEt’S gO oUt anD kIll bArnEy.

Xinyan + Xiangling: "WitH a bIg shOt guN aNd bArnEy’S oN thE FlOor, nO mOre pUrPle diNosAur.”

Chongyun: “Why does everyone hate Barney?”

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Xingqiu: "Why is there a snake?"

Chongyun: "Huh?"

Xingqiu: "They shouldn't have snakes in their produce. tHEyR ShOUlnDa hAve-"

Xingqiu: "Oh wait, gotta summon the Karen accent."

Xingqiu: "THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE SNAKES IN THEIR PRODUCE. I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER."

Chongyun: "oH-"

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Hu Tao to Xiangling: "Gay?"

Xiangling, nodding in Xingqiu and Chongyun's direction: "Gay."

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Beidou: "Look, lOoK. mY hAiR lOoKs liKE a muShrOom."

Ningguang: "You are a mushroom."

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Kaeya, obviously drunk: "Yeah, my mind can't... cAn't, CAn't, kAnT... function right now."

Diluc: "I can see that."

Kaeya: "It's like- o h ahhah hahah ah..."

Kaeya: * starts sobbing *

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Ei: "Why are my threes so uGlY?"

Yae: "Because the handwriting mirrors the person."

Ei, processing: "..."

Ei: "THAT'S M E A N-"

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Barbara: "..."

Barbara: "SWEEEET CAROLINE. BUM, BUM, B U M."

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Hu Tao: "Merry Christmas. Holly will kill you."

Hu Tao: "The death plant of Christmas. Eat this my children."

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Zhongli: "If somebody gave you skittles and said one of them were poisonous, would you eat them?"

Ei: "Yes."

Venti: "No-"

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Continuation of previous quote:

Venti: "Well... you could cut them open and test them on plants and then... e a t t h e o n e s t h a t d o n ' t m a k e p l a n t s d i e."

Zhongli: "What if the poison only worked on humans?"

Ei: "Test it on Venti."

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Formatting may be a little messed up, did this on my phone

[slashingdisneypasta]

Slashers Toy Story!AU

Or, *cough* a way for me to write out a buncha funny Incorrect Quotes and smoosh two things I love together.

Woody: Jason Voorhees

Buzz Lightyear: Michael Myers

Jessie: Ghostface

Prospector/Stinky Pete: Roman Bridger

Bo Peep and Ham: Freddy Krueger

Mr Potato Head: Chucky / Charles Lee Ray

Mrs Potato Head: Tiffany Valentine

Slinky: Carrie White

Rex: Bubba Sawyer

Barbie: Jennifer Check

Ken: Patrick Bateman

Lotso-'O'-Huggin' Bear: Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt. Was gonna be Bo, but Hoyt just fits way better. Plus he has Thomas.

Chuckles: Monty

Big Baby: Thomas hewitt

The Chatter Telephone: Luda Mae Hewitt

Also, Sunnydale Daycare: Ambrose. Because why not.

*I'm thing the kids in Toy Story are the fanbase and creators of the Slashers in this AU. Like, Andy and Bonnie are the original creators that make up the canon stuff and created them to be the infamous characters we all know- and Sid is us fan-people that twist and distort the characters for our own pleasure, haha XD *

An abundance of Incorrect Quotes bellow the cut!

Chucky: *With all the features on his face mismatched*

Chucky: Hey Freddy, look! I'm Picasso!

Freddy: ... yeah, I don't get it. *Leaves*

Chucky: *what... * You uncultured swine!! *Shakes his fist at Freddy's retreating back. That was a good fucking joke, goddamn.*

~

Michael: *Writing down on whiteboard:* Excuse me... I think the word you're searching for is

THE SHAPE.

Jason: *Already so done with this edgy boy's bullshit*

Jason: *Moves attention to his own whiteboard, starts writing*

Jason: *Shows board*

NO. The word I'm 'searching for', I cant say, because there are preschool toys present.

*Gestures ferociously to Carrie and Bubba.*

~

Jason: *Ughhhh. Shows board that he frantically wrote on:* Its not a KNIFE! Its a little stick of plastic!!

Freddy: What's wrong with him??

Chucky: Knife envy~

Freddy: Ah been there

~

Jason and Michael: *Watching Dr Loomis give psychology advice*

Jason and Michael: *Slowly tilting their heads sceptically, in unison*

Michael: *Holds up board for Jason to read:* ... I don't think that man has ever been to medical school.

~

Jason: *Trying to get Michael to help him. Writes passive aggressively on board and shoves the thing in Michael's view:* Would you give me a hand!???

Michael: *Fucking slices his own arm off and chucks it at Jason*

Look, he's having a bad day...

~

Freddy: *Sneaks up on Jason and digs his fingers into the giants sides*

Jason: *Whips around and cracks Freddy in the face from shock*

Jason: *Realises its just Freddy as the other groans and holds his nose, and looks a little guilty. Oh, Freddy. Writes on board and shows him:* There's gotta be a less painful way to get my attention.

Freddy: Agh- Fucking- Merry Christmas, hockey puck!

Jason: *Catches sight of something above them, tilts his head. Writes and shows board:* Isn't that mistletoe?

Freddy: *A slow, creepy grin rips across his face* Yep.

~ Toy Stoy 2~

Jason: *Frantically holding up a board:* Michael! I was a yo-yo!

Freddy and Chucky: *Look at each other*

Chucky: 'Was'?

~

*Michael and the others watching a dude try to buy Jason and failing.*

Michael: *Thinking: Mm, now just walk away.*

Man: *Follows after where Jason went.*

Michael: *Thinking: ... the other way.*

~

*After Jason has been stolen- everyone is panicking*

Michael: *Stomping his foot, trying to gather these psychopaths' attentions. Wait a minute! Wait, hold on! When he semi has their attention, he shows a piece of paper with writing on it:* This is not time to be hysterical.

Freddy: Its the perfect time to be hysterical.

Bubba: *Gasp. Should we be hysterical!?*

Carrie: *Tries to calm Bubba down, a hand on his arm and voice gentle* No-

Chucky: Yes.

Michael: *Thinking: ... well, maybe*

~

Freddy: Give this to Jason when you find him

Freddy: *SMACKS MICHAEL UPSIDE THE HEAD*

Michael: ... *Holds up board* Alright. But I don't think it'll mean the same thing coming from me.

~

Freddy: *Up ahead* Hey guys! Why did the toys cross the road!?

Michael: *But rolls his eyes. Not now bacon bits.*

Bubba: *Perks up and waives. Oh! He loves riddles. Why?*

Freddy: To get to the chicken... on the other side!

*They all look out and celebrate, seeing where Jason was being kept hostage... but then realise how dangerous getting across will be as a giant fricken truck careens by and crushes a can the same size as them*

Bubba: ... *Promptly turns around and starts walking back the way they came. Oh well. We tried-*

Michael: *Grabs Bubba back*

~

Jennifer: I can help! I'm Tour Guide Jen!

Jennifer: Please keep your hands, arms and accessories inside the car, and no flash photography! Thanks.

Chucky: -I'm a married man, I'm married man, I'm married man-

Freddy: *Shoves Chucky out of the way* Then make room for the single fellas.

~

Michael: *Ugh. Writes on board:* They're on level 23.

Carrie: How are we gonna get up there?

Bubba: *Gestures to balloons, then up to the sky. Meaning: Maybe if we find some balloons, we could float to the top!*

Chucky: Are you kidding? I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom, and pretend we're delivering a pizza.

Freddy: How bout a roast? *Grins*

Freddy: *Assesses Chucky and Carrie in turn* With tenderised pig and a slaughtered lamb as sides.

Chucky: Hold the fuck up did you just call me a pig- and a side-

Carrie: What?

Bubba: Oh! Oh! *Pats his chest excitedly. Do him! What about me??*

Freddy: ... Eh, you can be the toy that comes with the meal.

~

*Michael does something to get them all hurt and doesn't to care at all, of course. Just moves on.*

Chucky: Remind me to glue his mask on his head when we get back.

Freddy: *Nods, yep*

~

Chucky:*Embracing Tiffany after having been away saving Jason*

Glen and Glenda: You saved our lives! We're eternally grateful!

Chucky: Oh, fuck...

Tiffany: You saved their lives, Chucky?? Oh, my hero.

Tiffany: *Immediately drops Chucky in favour of picking up the babies* And they're adorable! Lets adopt them!

Chucky: *Thinking: What? No- Absolutely not- Don't say tha-*

Glen and Glenda: Daaaaddy!

Chucky: Fuck.

~Toy Story 3~

Jason: *Holds up a sign as he stands there menacingly with his machete:* You got a date with justice, Charles.

Chucky: Heh, too bad, 'sheriff'. I'm a married man.

Tiffany: *Comes out screaming, wielding goddamn nun chucks*

~

Michael: *Eyes narrow behind mask, slowly holds up sign he prepared earlier:* Bastard son of a hundred maniacs.

Freddy: Hah. That's Mr Bastard son of a hundred maniacs, to you!

~

*The toys/Slashers watch some toys, including Jennifer and her car get thrown in the donation bin*

Ghostface: Oh, man, poor Jen.

Freddy: ... I get the corvette.

~

Tiffany: Its alright, Jen, it'll be okay.

Jennifer: Well... Needy and I have been growing apart for a while...

Jennifer: Its just... I cant believe she would kill me!

Chucky: *Who's 'best friend till the end'/victim also killed him* Yeah. Welcome to the club, toots.

~

Hoyt: They just love new toys, don't they?

Chucky: Love!? We've been chewed, kicked, drooled on-

Tiffany: Just look at my nails!

Hoyt: ... Hm. Well, here's the thing, sweetheart. You aint leavin' Ambrose.

Tiffany: *Thinking: Oh fuck no he did not just- * Sweetheart!? Who do you think you're talking to!? I have over 10 kills, and I deserve more respec-

Hoyt: *Covers Tiffany's mouth with his hand* Ah, that's better.

Chucky: *Thinking: I'm going to fuck this douche up- * Hey, no one takes my wife's mouth. *Shoves Hoyt back off her by the chest* 'Cept me.

~

*Hoyt and Thomas bring Chucky back from 'The Box'. He's more fucked up looking then usual, sand all through his hair and stuck to his plastic features. He shakes it out of his pockets.*

Tiffany: *Gasp* Sweetheart!

Chucky: Eugh... it was cold. And dark. Nothin' but sand and a couple of Lincoln logs.

Freddy: Ehhh... I don't think those were Lincoln logs.

~

Ghostface: I was wrong...

Chucky:

Chucky: Ghostface is right. He was wrong.

~

Jennifer: *Fake cries*

~

Chucky: *Slaps a Pidgeon*

~

*Trying to reset Michael back to his former settings/self (The one that knows them and therefore will maybe-perhaps-possibly not kill them*

Freddy: Oh- oh- oh, here we go. there should be a little hole under the switch.

Jason: *Little hole little hold little hole- Nods. Got it!*

Freddy: To reset your Michael Myers action figure, insert paper clip-

Jason: *Sharply turns to Bubba, urging him to put his finger in the hole quickly*

Freddy: Caution; Do not hold button for more then five seconds...

Michael: *Suddenly stops thrashing and goes slack*

Everyone: ...

Bubba: *Jumps off him, holding up his hands. Its not my fault!!*

~

Michael, on Spanish Mode: *Gives Jason two sweet kisses on either cheek*

Jason: *Awkwardly, slowly holds up sign:* We gotta switch him back.

~

Ghostface: Oh! Mikey!!

Michael, still on Spanish Mode: *Sees Ghostface*

Michael: *Drops to his knees, gathers up Ghostface's hand*

Michael: *Looks up at Ghostface in utter awe and admiration*

Ghostface: *Freaken freaked out. Shouldn't he be the creepy one in this outfit? Leans away* Uhh... did you fix Michael?

Freddy: Uh, sorta. I mean I for one think this is a huge improvement.

~

Michael, STILL on Spanish Mode: *Does a dance of feelings around Ghostface, wanting to express himself*

Ghostface: What- why- please stop I'm gonna pee myself- Of laughter or fear I have no idea but I WILL PEE

Michael: *Grabs and dips Ghostface, and holds up a sign* We will be the most famous killers in history, together.

Ghostface: *Thinking: Oh I can get behind that, hell yeah- *

Jason: *Arrives*

Ghostface: Oh- *Scrambles out of Michaels hold* JASE!

Michael: *Watches them move on together* *Throws down the sign*

Freddy: I suddenly feel disgusting, like... I somehow ended up in some kinda... love-square, of some kind...

~

Jason: *Nicely gestures for Michael to give him some help*

Michael, stillllllll on Spanish mode: *Sniffs his nose at Jason's hand, shoving him out of the way with one arm like no thank you.*

~

Jennifer: Authority should derive from the consent of the governed. Not from the threat of force! // Or, alternatively which I think fits a whole lot better- // I am not going to stand back here and let another fucking old white guy tell me what the fuck to do!

Chucky and Freddy, two old white guys: *Look at each other*

Chucky:

Freddy:

Chucky and Freddy: *Shrug*

And that's it seeing as I don't really wanna see Toy Story 4. I hope you enjoyed this silly thing with me at least a little XD

Okay so I got a little attached in the end.