#funny how i was all like:

[loreartisan]

Okay, I've had some time to let my thoughts settle about the River Cartwright/Louisa Guy snippet we saw in the S5 preview and (while I've kind of begrudgingly accepted it) I've come to a conclusion about why I was opposed to it.

For the most part, I've gotten the impression that River is a very very single guy who doesn't really 'go' for women/romantic situations. And to me, this makes sense. I'll elaborate below, if you're curious to see my thought process. If you're one of the ppl who think he really deserves to be with someone, then... idk this is just my own justification. Get ready, I'm going full analytical essay mode here.

Reason 1: He respects boundaries too much. In season 1, when Sid tries telling him the reason she's at Slough House, he tells her that he doesn't want to know since it's likely for personal reasons which is "none of his business". In season 2, when Lamb says that River should 'get' with Kelly if she offers, River is very opposed to this and finds it (rightfully) unethical. In season 3, River tells Louisa that her private life is not Lamb's business and that he shouldn't bring up her "way of processing her trauma". In season 4, he hesitates to share his personal problems with Louisa, emphasizing that he is considerate of "keeping things work related". There are a lot of instances where River shows how he doesn't want to take things beyond what is needed, which to me translates to: friends are all I need.

Reason 2: It's very anti-Bond of him. James Bond is this slick, suave guy who manages to charm every lady he comes across in literally every iteration he's in. One of Bond's most recognizable aspects is how he is always seducing women to get his job done. River is this awkward guy who bumbles most of his social interactions through misunderstandings and sarcasm. Most of River's characterization is on the basis that he thinks he's Bond, but continually proves in many ways how he is the opposite of him. River's relationships with women is another way to telling the audience that he is very far from being the 'perfect' spy that James Bond is.

Reason 3: He's got too much drama around him that renders romance unnecessary. River is likely one of Slow Horse's most intriguing characters, solely based on his family background. The grandson of a legendary spook, the son of an ex-CIA mercenary, the son of a bitter and neglected daughter, the brother to trained assassins who got in trouble with lots of people... There are so many points of interest around River's family alone that I just don't think a romantic plot would benefit his character. It's nice to have rounded, three-dimensional characters, but if a character has too many conflicts and side plots, it can get difficult to keep up with. If I had to choose between the themes of River coming to terms with his family legacy or allowing him to find romance with someone, I'd pick the first option because it seems far more intriguing and has more setup/depth.

There are more subtle reasons here and there, and I know that the book version of River contradicts some of my points, but these are the major aspects behind my pitch for "River should stay single and not be shipped with anyone." I see why he might be shipped with some ppl, but ultimately that is my stance on River's romantic life. His women friends should just stay friends, and I am glad Spider died because that man was TOXIC and i dont know why ppl ship them.

uhhhhh thanks for reading my essay? Hopefully yall see the way I'm thinking (maybe i convinced you to see my side of things too???). Crazy how i did all this based on 0.5 seconds of footage that is likely (in true River fashion) a misunderstanding. Yay for overthinking!

Let me know if my essay was good (was it engaging? was my writing good? did i bring up some dogwater points?), i spent more time on this than I expected but it feels good to air my thoughts out.

TL;DR I am ✨ delusional ✨

[bumblingbabooshka]

Vulcan teen on Vulcan [tiktok] saying "I have just lost track of my father in the grocery store." The camera turns to show the viewers the grocery store in which almost every single older middle-aged man has a bowlcut and long robes. Camera turns back to show the teen's face which is expressionless and yet communicates all it needs to.

[stemmmm]

bad youtube clickbait thumbnail that reads "I think I just had a therapy session with a DEMON???"

[albinogel]

[tired-all-the-time22]

Failed phantom smooch ft. Letting the besties know

[cryptocism]

that half-blank, half-apocalyptic look

"i can b ur angle or yuor devil" etc etc "get a man who can do both" etc etc

obsessed with this vamp i think he should get to do whatever he wants forever

[artkaninchenbau]

Crocodile finds a strange stray cat an 11-year old Nico Robin (AU where they met 13 years earlier. Robin's been on the run from the World Government for 3 years. Crocodile's 27 and has not set up base in Alabasta yet)

It seems like I have become possessed. By some sort of demon.

Bonus:

[chloesimaginationthings]

What Vanny was up to during FNAF security breach

[geezmarty]

things I drew while playing aa2. and by "things", ahah, well. let's just say. gumshoe

[humming-fly]

He was feeling left out

and the higher rez stills, since gifs always export as if you're sending messages through a metal can~

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

I think a lot of ppl don't realize that bottoming is like, an active role in sex, and like for lack of a better word, a skill

[allysketches]

this drawing started off as tv crowley and aziraphale dressed like their book cover counterparts, but then I got carried away and it turned out... not being exactly that anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

so... late 80s/early 90s au? (aka. literally the book lol)

[bacchuschucklefuck]

no more fan-ta-sizing about it! everything's already changed~

[rwsdarw]

this was fun

[cubbyhole-for-flea-bee]

(Not) an approved use of the Power Of Friendship