#funny coincidence that just before receiving this I was discussing that last one with someone

[outeremissary]

How about 3, 14, and 32 for Balthazar and Tristian?

Hello Cassy! Thanks for the ask, and apologies as always for the tardiness.

[prompts from here]

[and to have a posterity note at the top instead of just the tags for once, significant Kingmaker chapter five spoilers throughout]

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh…I adore them…”

(note: I think I may have played it a little loose with this one... apologies!)

There had long been a sense of protectiveness on Tristian's side of things, but it was a sense born out of obligation and guilt: on the one hand the obligation to do his duty to Nyrissa and the need to return to his goddess, and on the other the guilt of treachery that dragged on and on (even if the victim of that treachery wasn't exactly Tristian's favorite person). There was always a twist of terror when Balthazar was in danger or astonished respect seeing him persevere through what should have been the end, but none of that was that soft feeling. The first time for that feeling was probably some time after Balthazar's wings came in, when Tristian, still anxious from the lingering effects of the Bloom and attempts on Balthazar's life, caught Balthazar attempting to slip out of the capital by himself one afternoon and insisted on accompanying him (doggedly ignoring attempts to lose him). Following the reluctant baron to the privacy of the countryside, he learned that Balthazar had been attempting for some time to adjust to the wings on his own. Before that it was clear that the wings had been unwelcome and that on some level Balthazar was fighting it, and it had stirred some amount of envy and resentment in Tristian to see the ungrateful aasimar rejecting what Tristian yearned to have back. But seeing the open vulnerability as Balthazar tried to come to terms with his changed body felt painfully familiar, and as he attempted to offer advice under the flimsy veil of having known another aasimar at his childhood temple (lies, all lies, and for what?) he began to feel a sense of connection with Balthazar. It wasn't the first time he had seen Balthazar vulnerable- there were more than enough of those throughout the Bloom, and awkward moments littered their history before that. But it was the first time that pang of sympathy blossomed into a deeper sense of understanding. As the initial tension eased the afternoon became comfortable, conversation becoming easy and unguarded. It was awkward but genuine. It may have been the first time Tristian saw a soft, warm smile on Balthazar's face- something that would haunt him a long time after.

For Balthazar, the first spark of excitement (long before he could pin down what it might mean) came when he managed to coax Tristian into a dance at the first festival held in the wake of the fall of Trobold. The dance had been meant as a tease- a bet with Octavia and Regongar that he could get Tristian onto the floor, nothing more- but he was caught off guard when his success didn't come in the form of the cleric passively following along. Watching Tristian linger at the edge of the festivities, not joining in on the celebration he had himself insisted on, Balthazar had guessed that Tristian was held back by insecurity. Tristian came off as so naive and sheltered that it stood to reason that a noisy northern festival would be far outside of their depth- as would partaking of the dance with an admirer on their arm. He expected to overwhelm Tristian, to enjoy teasing him and leading him along. Instead, after relenting to the dance Tristian proved a quick learner (or perhaps already knew the dance from somewhere): he matched Balthazar's pace without ever being thrown for long, and the threat of being challenged for the lead began to occur to Balthazar. When they broke apart at the end it was Balthazar who was breathless, caught in the fascination of his partner. The mystery of that moment lingered on his mind- he'd thought he had Tristian solved, but he was wrong. After that he noticed Tristian in a way he never had before- he watched for answers, but along the way began to drink in the details of Tristian he never had before. Maybe that dance wasn't itself so soft, but it opened the floodgate of everything after: a growing affection for the awkward innocence that had frustrated him, an amusement with the stern edge Tristian's voice took on when lecturing (so often with undeserved boldness for his ignorance), the sudden sorrow that would soak into his expression at the most inexplicable times. Becoming bound up in pursuit of that pattern began to wear away at him to the point of distraction.

14. What makes them feel loved? Would they build up the courage to ask for it?

For Tristian, more than anything, simply physical presence. It's comforting to have Balthazar present, to feel supported and less alone. Tristian never built many close friendships before the betrayal- easier to keep just a bit apart from people you'll let down in the end, and to avoid becoming caught in the messy tangle of mortal lives to leave without regret at the end (or at least, as little regret as can be managed with the circumstances). But despite that, Tristian is a lonely person, and there was something about being drawn again and again into time with Balthazar that became something of a comfort. That loneliness intensifies after the betrayal: their relationships with most people they know in the Stolen Lands have been soured by their actions, and leaving Nyrissa behind meant leaving even the illusion that one day they might return to Sarenrae. Simply having Balthazar present brought a sense of normalcy that kept them grounded. And similarly, there's something about physical touch that's grounding. It makes them feel at home in a body that they're still struggling to accept. It reassures that despite all of the misdeeds and the hurt, they're still worth touching, worth being in contact with. When they can feel Balthazar at their side they know without a doubt that they have a place in the world still, no matter how much has changed. Sometimes they might ask for that presence or that touch: it's easy to ask for and easily granted. But the truth is it's rarely necessary to ask for it- these are things Balthazar always wants to give.

For Balthazar, more than anything it's verbal reassurance. It's not enough to be close, to spend time together- he needs to hear that he's wanted. He wants to know that he's a choice, one made freely, that he's not just what Tristian has resigned himself to. Maybe some part of him is afraid because of his long, long history of transactional relationships- it's hard sometimes to internalize the idea of a relationship where no value needs to be proven and offered. And he's afraid that a better offer is out there: it's abundantly clear that Tristian wishes he could return to the life he had as a deva, and doubt seeps in that anything Balthazar has with Tristian is only because Tristian is trapped. So he wants to hear it: that he's wanted, that he's loved, that he's irreplaceable. Tristian is so terribly sincere, despite all the deception. It's reassuring to hear it voiced. But Balthazar himself is only half aware of this need, and he'd never ask for it if he came to understand what it was he wanted. It would feel like begging. It would be pathetic and too vulnerable several times over. He can get to it only halfway- teasing and baiting out affectionate words or gentle chiding, demanding that his partner be vocal in intimate moments- but there's always a hunger for something else, something he can't quite name.

32. How do their friends react to finding out they’re a couple? Do they have lots of mutual friends? Did their friends know, perhaps before they themselves did?

Obviously there's a significant shared social circle, even if not everyone in it could be described as "friends." ^^;; And it was certainly clear to most people in that circle that something was going on before there was any relationship cemented. There was a period where the two of them were suddenly spending much more time together and there was significantly less animosity between them than there had been previously. The shift may have been most noticeable with Balthazar- after all, this coincided rather cleanly with breaking things off with Regongar (accomplished by avoiding Reg until he got the message. Balthazar is an asshole). Regongar and Octavia were the first to put a name to Balthazar's side of things because of that (in not especially kind terms), although they certainly weren't alone. Tristian, on the other hand, was more of a mystery to most: although certainly not a friend, the person who clocked that one best would have been Nyrissa of all people. The pattern of her skylark's distraction wasn't hard to guess at- a frustrating obstacle with an increasingly useless pawn. This also makes Nyrissa possibly the only person who could tell that these feelings were indeed mutual.

The reaction to the news of the relationship could generously be described as lukewarm. Very, very generously. Everything came together very close on the heels of the betrayal and fallout, and between lingering tension regarding Tristian and some scattered concern about Balthazar's judgment in the wake of everything the general mood could be summed up as "wow! I don't know about this one, guys." Eventually the mood cooled into reluctant acceptance- after all, if two of the most drama prone people you know decide to date, who can stop them, really. Distinct award for least supportive goes jointly to Jaethal and Regongar. For Jaethal, becoming emotionally invested in Tristian was the worst mistake Balthazar had yet made- a mistake which boded ill for the future and she counseled him at every possible opportunity to correct. On Regongar's side of things there was lingering (and justified) resentment over being abandoned seemingly for Tristian. The person who could be most generously described as supportive would be Jhod, with the faint hope that maybe the two of them would keep one another in check. A relationship helps with the maturity, after all.

[old-childhood-drama]

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

[shikamarubae]

War of the heart. pt7

Pairing:  Kakashi x reader, Itachi x reader

Summary: Kakashi and Itachi are getting closer to you but in different ways

Warnings: Mentions of death and suicidal thoughts

A/N:  English isn´t my first languge, please keep that in mind, i hope you like it.(i appreciate comments and criticism).

The ages and order in the events may not correspond to the anime canon.

The parts in italics are memories/dreams with memories.

Tags: @flowersgirl02 , @affection-rabbit ,  @dumb-dork  @jillanaholland              @ maybeisthemoon  itskindofafairything    yoongnysus

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 Part 4  Part 5  Part 6 Part 8 

Kakashi rested on a tree, away from the fire, from team 8 and especially from Genma, the man was making everything more complicated for him, his constant looks and his comments, directed at nobody but always reaching him, began to suffocate him .

He was not to blame for what had happened, he was not, or at least he was repeating it to himself, but every time he said it, his mind reproduced the moment you fell to the ground, looking at him with those eyes , eyes that would not let him sleep. He rubbed his face in frustration, trying to stop thinking, if something had happened to you, would he go back to a dark and deadlock like when Rin died? His own question made him curse himself, not even after the last discussion, after seeing you with tears in your eyes and after that you were in danger ... not even after that could he stop comparing you.

"Shit" he cursed himself hitting the wood next to him with his fist, he was unable to stop doing it ... after so many years, so many things and he still kept comparing you to Rin.

You just got dressed and collected all your hair in a ponytail, Kakashi only watched you as you did and undid it because you were not satisfied with any result, he approached leaning on you, so that you could see the two together in the reflection of the mirror you smiled and leaned on him, enjoying the little moment while he was distracted watching the strands of your hair.

-Maybe you should cut it- he said, still playing with it between his fingers, it would have been an innocent comment and you would have even considered doing it if it wasn't for the photo that was on the table in front of you ... if it wasn't for the conversation you had overheard between Asuma and Kurenai a few weeks ago.

You pulled away from the man and finished your ponytail, you didn't want to say it, you didn't want to bring it up, but you didn't feel like you could take it much longer either.

-Even if I cut it, I'm not going to be Rin- you said smiling at him through the mirror and Kakashi walked away from you.

-What's that for?

-Rin is dead and I'm not her, that's what I mean-your words might sound cruel but that was the reality.

-Do you think it's funny to talk like that? Of course I know she's dead, I don't understand why you act like that now, what's your problem?

-How long did it take you to say my name when we had sex? How long did it take you to look at me in intimate moments? I am not stupid, I have always been aware that i look like her, i thought it was just a coincidence but ... of course not.

Kakashi didn't say anything, he just went to the kitchen, to pretend he was doing something but not really doing anything, he just avoided looking at you.

"You ..." Your voice trembled for a moment as you approached him. "Do you at least love me?"

-I can't believe you're asking me this, why are you doing this? Why do you always have to do this? We are calm, we are fine, you always have to do or say something to ruin it. Do you think I don't know that you aren´t Rin? you are so...

"So what?" You asked without raising your voice, just wanting an answer. "Say it please."

-Forget it, you have nothing to do with her but you are right ....  I really hoped that the resemblance was not only physical-Those words did not come out with anger or bad intention, they sounded more like a defeat.

Your eyes were itchy and suddenly your throat had started to hurt, you couldn't even swallow your own saliva, much less talk, you didn't want to hear that, although you knew it, that was not the answer you wanted from Kakashi, to hear it with his own voice it was more painful than hearing it from the mouth of others or from your own thoughts.

You couldn't see his face well because your eyes were blurred by the tears that threatened to come out at any time, you took several steps backwards leaning on the counter, without stopping looking at the blurred image of the man you were in love with and without saying anything else you ran away , you did not know if he had called you or not, if he had run after you or not, because you did not see or hear anything.

Kakashi had been perplexed to see you look at him like that, just as you hadn't expected to hear those words come out of his mouth, he hadn't expected that reaction.

He had never seen you cry and he had just seen your eyes full of tears and how your usually smiling face twisted in several ways that he had never seen until leaving an expression of pain and supplication that was not expected to come to form on your face.  Kakashi expected you to be mad as always, to shout something but you didn't say anything, you ran off and then he realized that perhaps you had never understood your relationship the same way.

"Do you at least love Me?" He had been unable to answer you, he had not even thought that perhaps you really loved him, in that way.

-The trail they have found is about 8 hours from here -Genma said next to him in the tree, handing him some food, the man was tense and impatient because the trail was new and it was a trail of blood, so the more the time they wait to move forward the worse things could get.

-It is a trace of blood but it is too light for it to come from a fatal wound- he said trying to reassure him, -(YN) is strong. She can deal with this.

-When we find her and come back, what will you do?

-About what?

-You know I didn't like your relationship, but if she loves you, can you reciprocate?

-I don't know- he said, looking at the completely clear sky where all the stars could be seen -and it's the last thing I want to think about now-

-Why do you think they kidnapped her? Knowing her, she should have already been able to escape had she not ...

-Unless whoever did it is someone more dangerous than the usual.

Genma nodded analyzing all the information they had so far, the little trace they had obtained from (YN) had already moved twice and the amount of blood in the last one was very little, in addition there was not only a trace of blood but also a trail of cloth and soap, making it difficult to get an idea of ​​why you had been kidnapped and by whom.

-What is clear is that they want to use her for something and we have to get there before that happens- The man concluded and climbed down from the tree to speak to the three boys from team 8.

You saw the red stain on the cloth, blood again, no wonder you started coughing up blood, you had been bleeding from your nose for no reason for three days and your body temperature had dropped, you had hidden it from Itachi and Kisame as best you could but It became increasingly difficult to hide it from the Uchiha since it had been keeping you company for lunch and dinner for several days.

It was late and you were unable to sleep because of the sudden cough and cold that you felt, if you continued like this they would soon realize that you were sick, what would happen if they discovered it? Although you were irrationally confident that at least Itachi would not do anything to you, you were not sure if Kisame would agree to have to carry someone who might not be able to fulfill her mission. A few hours ago you had been informed of the plan that would take place in three days and as you had thought the first days, the skill they required of you was to cross barriers, they needed a sword that was hidden behind a barrier in a valley near there and apparently there was no technique that allowed to deactivate it, the only option they had was you.

You closed your eyes again, but the cold you felt pierced to the bones and it was impossible for you to sleep, in the room there were no more blankets so you went to Itachi's, with the idea of ​​asking him if they had more. You found the man lying on his bed and his eyes closed -Itachi- you called him from the entrance, without bothering to put a foot inside.

-Hmm-was all you received in response

You were going to ask him if he had a blanket but he interrupted you ..

- (YN) What do you think of death? -His voice came out of nowhere and his hand stretched out of bed in a gesture inviting you to enter and so you did, you sat on the edge, so you could see him while he followed with eyes closed.

Surprised by the question you looked at him thinking the answer-I think death is not bad for the one who dies, if not for the people who are left behind.

-Then, what's wrong with what I did? There is no one left to have those feelings, the bad part of death is not present in this case.

-And Sasuke? -You replied almost indignantly and Itachi opened his eyes, his gaze was severe -Even yourself, you also harbor those feelings.

-Do I have those feelings?- He asked looking at you as he sat up sitting on the bed, you nodded in response.

-Your eyes are always sad, Itachi...you are a sad man.

-You are right-his hand came to your forehead, pulling yourback -and I found a woman just as sad as me.

You smiled because it was true and he had not said it with any bad intention, you were a sad person, you always had been even if you deceived yourself with moments of joy.

The mention of the Uchiha clan massacre had caught you by surprise, just as you had thought he repented, remorse haunted him and he was fully aware of how miserable he was-Do you regret it?

-No, I would do it again- You were silent, feeling the warmth of his hand on your forehead, how a person who calmly said that he would kill his loved ones again could be so warm?

The mixture of your conscience saying that he was a ruthless killer, with how good it made you feel to be close to him made you feel an unpleasant feeling of dizziness, as if everything around you was chaotic and messy.

You dropped forward, resting your forehead on his shoulder and his hand moved to your back, accepting the gesture and hugging you

-Would you like to die? -You asked in a whisper-sometimes I think that it would not be bad to die, must be nice an eternity of calm.

-Soon-his voice sounded even lower than yours and you didn´t understand if he was talking about you or himself but you didn´t care, Itachi dropped onto the bed, dragging you with him, making you lie semi on top of him and covering both of you- You´re cold- he said and ran his hand over your forehead and hair, with your eyes closed you agreed and accepted the caress, getting closer to him and his warmth.

[cristalknife]

Kadam Week 2021 Day 5 ~ Been There, Done That, Lemme Be...

This is me trying to not start something on a platform only to post solely somewhere else aka AO3 and ff.net  you can find the complete list of Kadam Week 2021 prompts and you might find more stories on the Kadam Week 2021 AO3 collection

That said, today prompt is April Fools Day While I'm not 100% sure on this story hitting the mark, it has at least some of the prompt's elements, revolving around April fools and one of the two options, namely both Kurt and Adam hating pranking... so here we go, I present to you Been There, Done That, Lemme Be... (Or how a joke between Adam and Kurt became a new Nyada's yearly tradition.) (or read on ao3)

Adam didn't mind the differences between his home country and the states that much, not on most days at least.

April first though was the exception, usually Americans' tendencies to go overboard were amusing, but he could admit that in the past few years being on this side of the pond made him look back fondly and longingly to how things were back home.

For one, back in England, the tradition of pranking lasted only till noon, which made only half of a terrible terrible day, and easier to avoid.

But here in America, the whole day was game, and Adam didn't like how easily pranks escalated.

The fact he never had fond memories of the practice didn't help much either.

It was only by a lucky chance, that the previous years, April first fell on days when it was completely ok for him to call in sick or disappear without any suspicions.

While he blessed such coincidence at the time, it was something he somehow regretted now. Because he was unsure on how to broach the subject with Kurt, nor how it would be received.

Simply disappearing for twenty four hours without a warning, was not something he could do to his boyfriend, not when he knew said boyfriend was capable of worrying over the smaller things...

He wasn't that comfortable raising the issue, but it was something they needed to tackle together.

Adam didn't want April fools traditions to be something they got upset about and potentially snap at each other over mere ignorance.

It so wasn't the kind of talk he wanted to have, but clear communication was the key and so a talk they would have.

Without knowing it yet Kurt was facing a similar dilemma.

He never had the chance to walk away from April first, so the possibility had never ever even crossed his mind, especially since in his experience it had always been one more day where it was just more of the same…

Probably with a more cruel edge to the ‘pranks’ done to him, since apparently the date gave permission even to the kinder people to just disregard anything he might feel...

So all in all it was just one more day in his usual life.

The main exhibit example of the escalated condoned cruelty of April fools had been their outside furniture being nailed to the roof...

Everyone simply laughed it out, while his dad had to have the roof repaid adding more expenses to the list of bills to pay...

In a way Kurt had always tried to appear unaffected and bored by the repetitiveness of the jokes and pranks sent his personal way.

The substance in question might have changed during the years and the occasion, but the prank itself had stayed the same. The over unoriginal and completely lacking any creative inventive of trowing a balloon or a container filled with one of the many possibly disgusting choices.

So nothing new compared to the daily slushie facial he got in high school.

In the lucky years when he was younger, it was just chalk powder and or dirt, then the boys hit their fascination for the disgusting and the pee balloons, the slimes and eggs appeared.

The seemingly most innocuous one had been a natural blueberries smoothie… That managed to destroy a complete outfit with stains that never came out.

But now that he was at Nyada, despite having found out how surprisingly similar college was to high school, he had slightly higher hopes for this year.

If the others students were as busy as he was, then hopefully there wouldn't be any time for the traditional pranks.

At least not on school ground, and since some of his professors had been grumpy dragons on Valentine's day, by simply seeing the exchange of flowers and chocolates in the hallways, to the point that the message that not such foolishness and disruption would be tolerated in their classrooms, became the daily mantra. Made Kurt held a tiny candle of hope that he might get through that day unscathed this year.

The only uncertainty came from Adam and the rest of their friends...

The Apples were a playful and excitable bunch on a normal day, though he was pretty sure that any kind of mischief from them would be geared more toward being funny than malicious.

And despite not having known them that long, he was sure that if he asked them to ease up, they all would make everything stop immediately.

But the whole idea of the day was still making him a little anxious, with all his bad experiences, while he was always the one neither amused nor laughing, everyone else seemed to find his situation pretty amusing...

With Blaine he basically never had to worry, his ex was always too needy of being the centre of attention that never bothered to follow any kind of traditions if it didn't benefit him...

And Adam was nothing like Blaine... Which made Kurt all the more worried he'd end up flip out and explode at his boyfriend, over something insignificantly small and harmless.

But it was also exactly the reason why in the end, Kurt shouldn't have been as surprised as he actually was, in receiving a text from Adam on that subject, simply saying 'Can we please talk about April first’s expectations?'

Despite the calm 'Sure, I'll be there in half an hour unless there're troubles with the subway. See you soon xxx' Adam got from Kurt, his nerves were not as calm or collected.

Hopefully Kurt wouldn't be too disappointed. Adam knew there could be pranks not meant to hurt, but he had seen too many backfire to be comfortable with the whole principle.

His uneasiness got gladly interrupted by the doorbell announcing Kurt's arrival.

"Hellu darling" Adam greeted with a smile, he was happy to see his boyfriend even if he wasn't too thrilled about the topic they were about to discuss.

To Adam's surprise and joy Kurt hugged him and pressed a light kiss on his lips before saying "Hi there"

Adam smiled back and pointed to the kitchen where the kettle was on the stove “Tea before we talk?”

Kurt chuckled but nodded following Adam “Such a British offer, I’ll take a cup of what you’re having, thanks.”

Adam chuckled a little himself. It was more a personal preference than a real national trait, he knew quite a few fellow Brits who couldn’t even stand tea, but it was a gesture still common enough that the saying hadn’t died out yet.

Once they both sat at the table with their cup in front of them, Kurt was the first to start their talk "About April fools, is there any chance we might skip the practice altogether? I'm not overly fond of pranks and if we could avoid their cruelty I'd really appreciate it."

Adam sighed relieved then smiled nodding grateful "Believe me darling, if only it was feasible I would have tackled this year's April fools like usual, namely skipping the day altogether. It is the one day a year I miss not being back in England."

Kurt tilted his head curiously and asked "How so? And by that I mean why would you miss England on that specific day?"

Adam grinned at the quick correction, apparently Kurt had already figured out to ask clearly for things he wanted to know.

He knew it was maybe a slightly petty exercise to force on his boyfriend, but it did have the advantage of promoting and teaching how to communicate better, which was a good thing for the both of them.

"It's not like the pranks were better, if that's what you're wondering, but there is the tradition that pranks should happen only until noon and if someone pranks after noon then he is the April fool... A tradition that translating in having to hide only half day instead of the whole day..."

Kurt considered it for a moment then nodded "You know, I never thought of that solution, mainly because in my experience it wouldn't matter anyway, the only real difference on April fools compared to any other day was that more people laughed when something happened..."

Adam frowned and took another sip of his cooling tea, to refrain from offering once more to burn to ashes the kind of place that would allow such things to happen on daily basis...

“I wish we could just pass through a token space, get our stamp of been there, done that, lemme be and then be free for the rest of the day. That would be a relief if only possible.”

Adam’s outburst was more on a joking note, however Kurt was looking pretty lost in thoughts, humming softly before asking “But what if we had such place, let’s say like a table on the cafeteria with an April first menu, and at the end a pin and the request that anyone wearing a pin to be left alone...”

Adam listened interested and wondered reasoning aloud “You know, if we take this idea to the Deans we might actually get the faculty behind it and have at least the school day free of worries. It would be something… I know I’d appreciate that...”

Kurt looked up, panic evident in both his voice and eyes “Wait, you mean it isn’t safe? I thought that with the majority of the faculty acting like grumpy dragons with a toothache no one would dare... Or that at least we’d all be too busy for that?”

Adam snorted and shook his head “Oh Darling, there’re times I forget you’re still a sweet innocent wide eyed freshie... On the contrary, the odds are beyond scary... But if we get the faculty behind that then we might make it happen… And believe me, most professors would love to wear such a pin for the day and delight in enforcing the safe space.”

Kurt pouted a little at Adam’s description, but in a way he knew he was, eyes were still full of wonder for the school, despite the nasty discovery about it being so similar to high school.

But he had to defend himself so he quipped playfully “So, oh wise and jaded senior, what is your take on the idea, think we can pull that off instead and get the whole school an almost prank free zone?”

Adam pondered the question a little and asked back instead “But what could we put on the menu? I can only think of a couple of tea brews that taste like something else, one like chocolate and another like coffee”

Kurt grinned getting excited “What about variations of the theme of the meatloaf cupcakes different combination of meat patty with coloured mashed potato piped on it to seem like frosting with cherry tomatoes or parmesan on top of them as decorations.”

Adam hummed interested, “Talking of cheese it could be fun to have as opposed to those the sweet grilled cheese sandwiches, where you use pound cake instead of bread”

Kurt chuckled looking mischievously “Do you think we can manage to ask the cooks to also add apples’ fries?”

Adam snorted and playfully pointed a finger at Kurt in a mocking scolding before tutting “Cheeky aren’t we? You really want everyone to know who did it with such a signature?”

Kurt laughed carefree, almost to the point of tears “As if the gossips in our school wouldn’t have passed that information through the whole theatre social circles grapevine way before lessons start on April first...”

What had started as a half joke, in front of two cups of tea, shared by a couple who didn’t care for malicious and cruel pranks, was found by the faculty as an intriguing alternative, to a day of growling and shouting at college students acting like kindergartens.

On April first the students found at the front door the announcement that complementary ‘Been There, Done That, Lemme Be, NYADA 12-13’ pins were distributed in the cafeteria for everyone wanting a pranks free day on school grounds. Any student reported or found by the faculty, pranking someone wearing the pin would be reported to their Major’s Dean for appropriate support (read additional remedial homework) for having been unable to read and understand one of the many big announcement’s signs present on the front door and in the main halls all around their school...

In the cafeteria there were multiple choices on how to earn one’s pin. Including, but not limited to, try out one of the alumni kindly sponsored ‘surprise’ food, which for safety reasons were all properly showing the list of contained ingredients.

Officially speaking the Nyada’s faculty took the credit for the event and for the prank free April fools during the AY 2012-13.

The grocery bag containing apples, a pack of sugar, ground cinnamon and an unsigned card with just the words ‘Thank You’, found in the Auditorium 2 the next day, told Kurt and Adam that someone knew exactly who was behind it.

And from the confused faces of their Apples it was not someone from their group. ~The End~

[mando-chicken]

Dark Fives AU Timeline

The Dark Fives AU is an AU based on the concept of a force sensitive Fives. This will be a general overview of the draft timeline, it may be subject to change as I begin to develop the AU further, but it should give you a general idea of what happens.  

This took me so long to write oof, putting it under a read more to save your dash space!

To begin with, Fives didn’t really see himself as being any different to his other brothers. For the most part he just assumed that everyone had finely tuned senses, and thanks to a bit of a small attention span during his younger years he didn’t really notice when strange things happened.  

Items he’d placed in a certain location would move closer to him and he would just assume that he must have put it closer to himself than he’d originally thought, or he would anticipate something before it happened and just put it down as dumb luck or a funny coincidence. Echo was usually too buried in regs or whatever exercise they were completing to notice these small tells either.  

This advantage in skill over the other cadets was one of the many reasons their squad was fast tracked to their final test at a young age.   

His skills give him an edge during battle and later during ARC training, but for a long while his abilities remain largely dormant.

Fives, occasionally, unconsciously influences the emotions of his brothers when feeling a particularly strong emotion – when he was agitated about failing the test the first time his anger rubbed off onto Hevy and Echo who then began to fight – he’s entirely unaware when he’s doing it, but it seems to effect Echo the most prominently.

When Fives loses Echo his abilities cause almost the entire 501st to plunge into a deep sadness as a wave of depressing emotions crashes over them from Fives. The Jedi notice something is bothering their troops but can’t quite pinpoint it thanks to Fives withdrawing himself from everyone else for a while.  

It’s on Umbara when Fives finally cracks. After all the stress and horror that Krell put them all through he finds himself alone in one of the unused hangars, pacing and muttering angrily to himself. He’s worked himself up and when his emotions reach their peak he can’t help shouting, releasing all of his pent-up emotions at once.  

Everything surrounding him is suddenly all violently throw away from him in all directions and it’s like the floodgates have finally been opened. He can feel the force as it all pours into his mind for the first time, whispering, shouting, screaming at him all at once. His panic only makes things worse; his mind being filled with images, thoughts and feelings of brothers all throughout the galaxy.  

And he can feel them all dying.   

It isn’t until Rex decides to come looking for him almost half an hour later that he’s finally found. Everything within several meters of his person is floating in the air dangerously, but Rex only needs to take one look at the state his vod’ika is in to brave the danger. He’s shaking and finding it impossible to get down enough oxygen, begging for the horrible voices and feelings to get out of his head and leave him alone.  

Rex holds him for what feels like hours, struggling to get through to the distressed trooper and fearful of making the situation any worse than it already is. Eventually, however, Fives is exhausted from his panicking and begins to slowly drift off, calming slightly as he does so. It’s only then that Rex decides to call Kix to give him a once over and is able to get a somewhat shaky explanation.  

They decide that until they can completely confirm what is happening to Fives, they won’t speak to the Jedi, their trust too shaken after killing Krell earlier that very day.  

It becomes very difficult for Fives to hide his abilities after that – clones are used to expressing their emotions with one another, but due to having received no training on force abilities Fives finds almost anything can set off his abilities and it begins to become a bit of a hazard during battle.  

Deciding that he’s becoming a danger to his brothers, Fives begins to experiment with the force during his downtime in the hopes of being able to control his skills. Without instruction on how to use the force he finds himself getting easily frustrated by it, but as a result finds that getting agitated is perhaps the easiest way of getting the force to do as he wishes.  

When Tup attacks a Jedi, Fives senses what he’s going to do just before he does it, but it still unable to reach his brother in time. For a long while afterwards he blames himself for not reacting fast enough, despite all the training he’d been doing with his abilities.  

Much of the arc continues the same way as it is portrayed in the show, up until the final confrontation with the Coruscant Guard. Able to sense Fox’s intention to fire at him, Fives reaches out with the force, throwing back the approaching troopers into the side of the large crates behind them. While none of the Guard are seriously injured by his attack, they are rendered largely unconscious from the strength of the attack.  

Without the Guard to disrupt them, Fives is able to pass on all the information he’d learned from his time on Kamino and from the chancellor. Anakin is still highly skeptical, but with the convincing of Rex he’s willing to at least let them do a little investigating on their own.  

While Anakin and Rex inform the chancellor that Fives was killed during a shootout – alleging that his body was lost when it fell down a nearby shaft to the lower levels – Kix and Jesse are quick to escort their brother to a disused medical facility within the GAR where they can begin some tests. 

Finding the presence of the inhibitor chip is easy enough, but after a lengthy discussion they decide to allow Kix some time to study the chip and try to figure out just how it works. Anakin is very much interested in Fives’ force sensitivity, but unfortunately is unable to find the time to try and help the trooper hone his abilities, especially when the outer rim sieges begin.  

Unfortunately for Fives, he is barred from joining his brothers in battle and forced to remain back on Coruscant by himself, unable to leave certain areas in case he is discovered. During this alone time, he is able to channel his frustration into strengthening his abilities.  

When Echo is saved by Rex, Anakin and the Bad Batch he returns to Coruscant after being informed that Fives is still alive and the two of them are finally able to reunite.  

Anakin is more than angered when Kix later confirms their fears about just what the chips were intended for and he immediately gives the order for the 501st to have their chips removed as subtly as possible.  

When Anakin confronts Palpatine, he brings with him Rex, Fives and Echo (who insists he won’t let Fives go without him). Palpatine is all too happy to admit to everything, deciding that it’s time to try and turn Anakin to the dark side. For the most part he succeeds, but makes the mistake of insulting the gathered clones. What he wasn’t expecting was for one of them to practically throw him across the room with the force. He especially wasn’t expecting his loyal trooper, Fox, to draw his blaster and shoot him squarely through the back.  

Fox is loyal to the chancellor, but his loyalty is to the Republic first and foremost, and there’s no way he can allow someone who has openly admitted to manipulating both his brothers and both sides of the war. He’s never been so happy that people tend to forget his presence in the room.  

Skywalker takes over as chancellor, stating that it was Palpatine’s last act before he died after being gunned down by a ‘rogue bounty hunter’. With a little bit of Echo’s newfound computer skills, they’re able to come up with a flawless video that they show in place of the actual security footage that has already been erased and replaced.  

His first act as chancellor is to free all clones, offering them all rights as full Republic citizens and permanently ending all clone production, passing on the information about the chips to all medics in the GAR. The senate is in uproar over the decision, but there’s nothing they can do about it, Anakin has the entire clone army on his side.  

The Jedi, too, are upset by this development, but they are quickly outlawed and chased from Coruscant. Many of them die, but not as many as in the original purge. Cody assists Obi-wan in leaving Coruscant in secret, but refuses to leave his brothers behind and elects to stay with them in the GAR. During all the chaos the wolfpack and a large portion of the 104th are able to flee Coruscant with their Jedi and several younglings in tow – while no reported sightings are ever confirmed, it’s suspected that they’re all living together somewhere in the outer rim. Many other commanders and captains decide to leave the army, sneaking their Jedi out with them as they go.  

Without Dooku and Sidious to lead them and assist war efforts from behind the scenes the war is brought to a close, taking only a few months longer. The planets and systems that had defected from the Republic are brought back into the fold and quickly after the first Galactic Empire is formed.

The Kaminoans attempt to keep many of the young clones who are yet to be born, but Emperor Skywalker, who has recently become a father himself, refuses to allow these children to be kept as slaves and sends in his men to take them by force. Fives can’t recall a more glorious sight than watching Tipoca City burn, all his brothers safely by his side.  

Anakin takes on training Fives personally and within a few years he is anointed as the first member and leader of their new Imperial Inquisition. He trains force sensitive younglings to use their gifts and even manages to find a few fellow force sensitive brothers who quickly become a part of a tight knit group of fearsome enforcers of the Empire’s will.  

Rex and Cody share the burden of commanding the GAR, and Rex continues to serve as Anakin’s most trusted advisor. Cody on the other hand oversees the training of civillians who hope to join the GAR, ensuring that their skills are sharp enough to be considered for entry. It’s a hard job for them both, but they’re determined to ensure that standards are upkept for both the safety of the Empire and their brothers who chose to continue serving in the army.  

Echo works closely with the special forces, reporting directly to Rex, Cody, and occasionally Anakin. He meets up with the Bad Batch and they quickly become a formidable team and good friends. He of course returns back to Coruscant regularly to meet up with Fives and the two of them often exchange crazy stories from their work.  

[khhunniewriting]

The Others (9)

[ Mafia/Gang AU ]

With Leo’s description, Dok2 began working on finding the people who seemed interested in his son’s friend. Immediately a name came to mind when he described a tan man with a golden grill, Sik-k.

“Still working on that Boss?” Beenz looked over Dok2′s shoulder to see he was looking over AOMG’s assets.

Dok2 didn’t say much focusing more on the list of known AOMG/ Higher members. When Jay was imprisoned Dok2 managed to benefit from the situation. He obtained information on all its highest-ranking members and those with a record.

Minsik was on AOMG’s watch list, he was a member with limited connections within the group. He was not trusted with all information or in any current dealings. “If you were to get demoted, what would you do to earn your rank back?”

Beenz sighed, taking a seat in front of Dok2′s desk. He appeared to be deep in thought as he took the question very seriously. He knew Dok2 would only ask him if it were important. “Well, I would do something to stand out.”

“But what if you’re already a flashy guy with enough backing to head your own sub-division.”

“I use my connections to keep me updated on what the Boss is working on so I can accomplish it for him and redeem my rank.”

Dok2 nodded, agreeing this was all for AOMG. He was still bothered by the fact that they weren’t only targeting his son but his friend as well. There was something different about that kid. To the untrained eye, he was nothing special but to him, Leo seemed perfect for the group. It had been a long time since Illionaire recruited any enforcers. There were only those from Ambition that his wife’s family trained.

Enforcers were usually trained to rank up within the group. It was rare to find someone who was born with the traits needed to take on a hit, to kill in cold blood.

Illionaire hardly ever dealt with lethal situations but only because Dok2 deemed them too risky. The way things were going he thought having an enforcer might be essential for future use.

He wondered what Ji-hoon would think.

“Beenz I need you to find all the information you can on Lee Leo.”

“You got it, Boss.”

\\\

Beenzino began his investigation of Lee Leo with Ji-hoon. He asked him the basics such as his birthday and address. Although Ji-hoon didn’t know the date of birth he quickly found out by texting Bewhy. 

“Do you really have to know everything about the guy to know why AOMG is after him? Leo���s just a normal guy.”

“You’re just a normal kid to everyone else,” Beenz reminded him. Few to no people knew who he really was, the position that he held as heir to Illionaire, or that he came from a family of crime. “Your friend might be hiding something.”

Ji-hoon shook his head doubting there was anything Leo could be hiding. “I doubt it~” 

Beenz left the young boss to keep working on his research. 

After receiving his father’s help Ji-hoon didn’t have a care in the world. He knew it was AOMG so he was at peace for the most part. Recalling the way Jay Park looked at him when they last crossed paths pissed him off. If he read into it there seemed to be a warning of some sort. Like he had planned to mess with him since then.

He would have done something by now but his father told him the best option was to lay low while, of course, taking precaution. This meant Leo and Ji-hoon were sticking together, with the former being driven home while the latter was instructed to go straight home after. No more hanging around Leo’s apartment until you arrived home. 

Laying low sucked for someone like Ji-hoon who lived off of social interaction. Without a soul around to entertain him Ji-hoon sighed profusely. “Now I’m bored again.”

\\\

Beenzino was quick to find the same information AOMG had found nearly a year ago. The information that started their fascination with the seemingly normal teenager. 

At first glance, everything seemed normal to him. A kid being raised by a single mom living decently in the city with no other relatives whatsoever. He even found videos of a young Leo in a famous dojang participating in tournaments. 

They were ultimately non-essential to his findings until he saw one with a familiar face in it. He watched the video multiple times to assure himself of what he had seen. In the background, among the spectators, he saw you.

A majority of Beenz role in Illionaire was tied to information. He had to know everything about everyone within, associated and/or related to Illionaire. He was one of the few people who knew about you. To keep his wife from knowing his affairs Dok2 only confided in him and The Quiett about his mistress. 

“So it wasn’t a coincidence...” Beenz muttered to himself. He had overlooked your name on Leo’s birth certificate, not recalling your face until now that he had seen it again. 

Naturally, he began wondering where you had gotten the Lee for Leo’s name.

Beenz: Young Boss- do you know anything about Leo’s dad?

Ji-hoon: All I know is that he’s dead.

The response intrigued Beenzino begging him to express caution before sounding the alarm. Lee was a common family name. After all, Zene’s legal name was Lee Song-Yong.

Although he didn’t recall when your relationship with the boss ended he had an idea of the timeframe thanks to Leo and Ji-hoon being classmates. Yet, he felt he couldn’t ask Dok2 directly. It would be hella awkward if he called him up to ask when was the last time he f*cked his mistress so he could determine whether this kid was his.

Being Dok2′s illegitimate son would certainly make him a target. It would also explain why they were aiming for both Ji-hoon and Leo. There was no easier way to prove he was Dok2′s than to test the DNA with Ji-hoon’s. 

If he was going to tell this to the Boss then he would have to test his own theory.

“Why do we have to do this?” Ji-hoon was skeptical of Beenzino when he approached them with a long cotton swab for each.

Leo all but glared at Beenzino. He was a smart kid, he knew what those were used for. The fact that he had two clear receptacles to store them in after was all the evidence he needed.

“It’s better you don’t ask questions.”

Ji-hoon knew he could trust Beenz but Leo didn’t. That’s why he remained still while his friend complied and began swabbing the inside of his cheek.

Beenz took the swab and sealed it within the glass tube. 

“What, don’t trust me?” Beenz smirked. “Not like I’m going to clone you or anything.”

Leo didn’t find the light-hearted humor funny.

He’s more like the Boss than Ji-hoon, Beenzino thought to himself. “Listen kid, you don’t know me but I’m going to get what I want one way or another. You see... it doesn’t have to be saliva.”

Ji-hoon put himself between Beenz and Leo when he heard the threat. “What the f*ck, man! You can’t threaten my guest like that.”

“Sorry, but didn’t you two ask the Boss for help? Do as I say and I’ll tell you why AOMG is after your a*ses.”

Leo hated lying to you. 

The thought of finally being able to put all this behind him pushed him to compliance. The cotton swab swiftly grazed over the pinkish-red fleshy inside of his cheek leaving vital information that would soon change the course of his peaceful life.

\\\

It felt like ages since you last left work before sunset. You finally had the opportunity after promoting one of the supervisors. Now the two of you could share managerial tasks and reduce your time at the spa. 

You looked forward to going home and spending time with Leo. Lately, it seemed like he was a lot more social with his friends making you all the more happy for him. Haru had even told you Leo got rides from one of his friends. It reduced your worries knowing someone was looking out for him. Especially after practices ran late. 

As you crossed the hotel lobby your eyes met a pair of cold familiar eyes. “Joonkyung-”

Dok2 did not mind the fact that you two were in a public setting. He didn’t care for the wondering eyes of the guests or staff as he got a hold of your wrist and nearly dragged you out into the parking lot. 

“Stop,” you hissed feeling his grip tighten, “You’re hurting me-”

“And what about what you did to me!”

You were stunned but not enough to forget the pain shooting up your arm. “Let go of me.”

He did not heed your request- too far gone with his thoughts. There was so much to discuss but first, he had the right to lash out at you. “Get in,” he ordered after opening the passenger door of his car. 

You took advantage of him letting go to massage the ache in your wrist. “What is wrong with you?”

It wasn’t his intention to hurt you. He was furious and nothing would stop him from getting what he wanted right now. “Get in the car Y/N. I won’t ask you again.”

You reluctantly did as you were told. You struggled with the seatbelt for a moment with a sharp pain in your dominant hand when you managed to hear the seatbelt click. You kept your injured arm still staring out the window refusing to acknowledge him when he sat beside you.

Dok2 drove in silence. His heart and mind racing since the moment Beenzino confronted him with the facts. Deliberately concealing Leo’s existence from him was something he could not forgive.

“Are you going to tell me how you know where I work?” You could no longer take the silence. His previous accusation invaded your thoughts bringing forth a fear like no other. “Or why you practically kidnapped me?”

“You want to talk about kidnapping? What you did should be considered kidnapping.”

“What?”  

He knows!

Your chest was in pain- the pounding of your heart getting louder and louder. 

Dok2 sped up wanting to get to his location as soon as possible. It wasn’t safe for him to drive when he was this upset. You swayed in your seat with every sharp turn unable to hold onto anything with your sore hand.

When you arrived at the gated luxury condos Dok2 hit the brakes abruptly. 

“Lee Leo is my son and you kept him from me.” Dok2 got out of the car expecting you to follow him. 

Your eyes widened hearing your son’s name. The pain was no longer important, your hands were quick to open that door and follow your not so secret baby daddy.

“Joonkyung...” you called out to him but he did not look back. He continued forward to what you suspected to be his home. When he opened the door you followed him inside hoping to get some answers.

Instead, you were rewarded with the sight of your son.

Leo turned towards the door when he heard it loudly being shut. His eyes nearly doubled in size at the sight of your distress. “Mom-”

“Leo,” you gasped running over to him. The two of you held each other searching for answers and comfort from one another.

Ji-hoon was just as confused. Is this why his father asked him to bring Leo along? Why was she in tears and why was he so mad? “Dad-” Ji-hoon didn’t say another word. He didn’t know what to say.

But a single word was all it took for you to turn your attention back to Dok2. “Ji-hoon is your son?”

All these years you wondered about Joonkyung and Kylie’s son. To think he had been right in front of you... it seemed almost impossible. 

“What’s going on, why did you bring Mrs. Lee here?”

It was obvious the three of you had met before, the same way he had already met Leo. There was no easy way to dismiss the confusion everyone in the room was experiencing. 

Dok2 met your eyes only to have you look away.

“Leo is my son.”

Ji-hoon was shocked- speechless. His father never lied. If he was saying it then it must be true.

Leo glared at the man who claimed to be his father. “So what?” Words were unnecessary for him to know you were against this. “You think you can drag my mother here against her will because I’m your son?”

“Leo-” his name was caught in your throat as you tried to stop the overflow of emotion. He was so detached showing no emotion to such life-altering revelations that it worried you.

“I don’t care who you are.”

“You should.” At that moment Dok2 realized the similarities between him and his son. He would not back down from claiming him. “AOMG is a rival of Illionaire, that is why they were attempting to kidnap you.”

“What?” You looked to your son for answers. “Leo, what happened?”

He denied it assuring you everything was okay but you insisted until he told you the truth. Everything from being followed home to what led up to his voluntary arrival at Dok2′s home.

There was so much to process, you felt helpless knowing all this had gone on behind your back.

“You should have told me...”

“I know.” 

Now he knew why you worried so much. His father was the type of person to act on his own without considering the other people involved.

“I’m sorry,” Leo apologized not only for the lies but what the lies led to. 

You caressed your son’s face assuring him he was forgiven. His thick locks of hair smoothed down by your uninjured hand in order to clear his forehead. You placed a kiss on the newly exposed skin. “Everything will be fine.”

“Everything won’t be fine if you don’t start explaining yourself Y/N.” There was still much he desired to discuss with you but for now he had to get to the bottom of AOMG’s plans. “Who else knew he was my son?”

“I don’t know- I never told anyone.” 

He didn’t believe you. 

The cold hard look Joonkyung gave you was a dead giveaway of his distrust. You didn’t blame him after keeping such a big secret from him. 

“Not even Kylie, that day I-” You wanted to tell him the truth. You wanted to let him know Kylie left that day believing your son was fathered by another man but one look at Ji-hoon and you were riddled with guilt. 

Leo is my brother... Ji-hoon repeated the same phrase over and over as if it would help him come to terms with the new reality. Nothing snapped him out of his thoughts better than the name of his mother.

You bowed your head apologetically. The guilt and shame of sleeping with a married man resurfaced. All the feelings you thought you had rid yourself of were back. Including your lament towards Joonkyung and Kylie’s son.

“I’m sorry Ji-hoon...”

No one else knew why you were apologizing but Leo didn’t approve of it. He felt the only person who should be apologizing was Ji-hoon’s father. 

“She knew you were pregnant?” Dok2 asked reeling at the thought of his wife knowing all these years and keeping it to herself. He was sure there was a motive behind it. But what? He was dying to find out.

You nodded but refused to say more on the subject. “Please Joonkyung... I don’t think this benefits anyone.”

“Let’s go,” Leo took a step forward but was stopped by Beenz who had been watching the entire exchange from afar. 

“Sorry, but you can’t leave young boss.”

-end-

A/N: Feel free to fill my inbox with your reactions ^^

[steveramsdale]

10.11 MyLastEverBlog(?)Blog?

Think back to November or December in 2015. You’d never heard of Tashkent and your Saturday mornings were your own. If you had heard of Tashkent, you probably knew little about it and could not imagine what daily life there might be like. Those things were about to change. I was about to find out about daily like in Tashkent and, through me, so were you. I think I’ve said before, I didn’t expect to be writing a blog every week. I didn’t think anyone would be interested in reading such a document. But here we are. It is not ending how I expected, this year has not turned out in a way anyone expected. This will be, almost certainly (!!!) my last Saturday as a economic migrant in Uzbekistan. So, find a comfortable seat. Grab your favourite Saturday morning beverage. Settle for the final edition of the blog no-one needed! Therefore, this is (almost certainly) the last blog from Teaching on the Naughty Steppe. By the way, that blog title is made of the five best words I have ever written, probably the only good, clever, interesting words over the four and a half years. Anyway, you will be getting back your Saturday mornings, so start planning for what that freedom could mean to you.

On Saturday, I went out for tea, back with Wendy, Malek and Maya, and it was hot. Just as I arrived back at NBU, the theme of the week emerged - The Ticket Crisis. I received at text message telling me that my flight on 1st July had been cancelled. It advised that I could change the ticket. This was in the context of news that Turkish Airlines had not been given permission to resume operations to and from Tashkent. There was also news of additional repatriation flights operated by Uzbekistan Airways to various locations, including Istanbul. I tried using my phone to re-book the ticket. I tried using a laptop at Wendy’s house. I kept getting an error message at the same stage. I downloaded the Turkish app. It worked. I was able to rebook for the 2nd July and was able to relax and enjoy the evening (for a while). Various colleagues said ‘hi’ as they left the compound and when a group of three returned, they came into the garden. They came to let us know that they had just been to the main office of Uzbekistan Airways as they had been told that the last 5 tickets out of the city were available. They had bought them for a flight the next day. They had all sorts of rumours available to share. There would be a few more flights but commercial flights were shut down until August. The whole of Central Asia was shutting down until October (because a Kazakh government minister contracted the virus). There were, however, more tickets on the flight than the five they had told me about. It was a wild ride. I had my tickets. There were three more days of school. I had things I needed to do. I was sceptical about the stories. That was not the end, however.

On Sunday, I had my last Russian lesson(?). I had managed to ‘sell’ most of my spare Uzbek currency via UK bank transfers, which was good. Then I realized I owed for one Russian lesson and had this last one so I didn’t now have enough money - maybe. I can use a Visa card if I really have to.

On Sunday morning, I got another text message about the flight. At first I thought it was another cancellation and thought: ‘Is this going to keep happening for the rest of my life?’. It was, in fact, just a change -10 minutes earlier. By about 10:30am on Sunday, I was organised to such an extent that I could have been out of the flat, on my way to an airport, in m 15 minutes. This was my intended state of readiness for the next 11 days or so.

I made my last ever bus journey. Early Monday I walked to school - or I set off walking. I saw a couple of almost empty buses go past and decided I should take one last ride. Early adopters of the blog will remember our fun getting on different buses when we first came to Tashkent. It was the 24, fittingly.

By the end of Monday afternoon, the classroom was almost packed up. I would go in again on Wednesday for a final check - but it was almost the end. On Monday I also received another text message about the flight - again just a ten minute change to the the departure - the second flight this time.

Tuesday morning saw no changes to my ticket. Unusual times. Discussions were still ongoing in the message group. I was, once more, working from home. Between lessons, I decided to go and get some different drinks, via the bin to Ben’s little shop. I went downstairs and got to the corner, only to realise I had forgotten a face mask. I went back and got one. When I got back to the exact same point, I noticed something strange in the rubbish bag. It was a kitchen knife. I stopped and thought about going back again. I could not bear the thought of that. I put the knife in my little bag and went down to the bins. As I headed towards the shop, I thought about the fact that they sometimes check bags. I did not want to try to explain why I was carrying a knife, so I went home!

Wednesday morning saw the arrival of an email saying that Turkish Airlines resumption of flights had not, in fact, yet received official Uzbek government approval. So, the date of 2nd July was still ‘up in the air’. I genuinely apologise for that phrase. Would I be flying on the following Thursday?

All of this uncertainly (keep reading) may mean, there may need to be at least one more blog to resolve this part of the story. I cannot tell you that I will definitely not be here next Saturday. I think you might want to know how (and even if) this ends! Anyway, if I’m going to suffer, you can, too.

Here’s a strange little story to change the mood for a moment. As I was drifting off to sleep on Tuesday evening, I thought about someone and decided I would ask Mairi, the next day, if she had heard from this person. I was awake in the middle of the night and knew that I would not be getting straight back to sleep. So, I got up and checked my messages and there was a message from this person. I know that is a coincidence, but still slightly cool and spooky.

Wednesday was our last day. I saw one of my students in person as she came to return her iPad and collect her belongings. That was really nice. She was the only one I saw. It was a very strange end to then year but I think it was ‘easier’ for me that a proper end would have been.

A few staff arranged to have a get-together on Wednesday evening and I decided to go. It was not too far from me so I walked round and it was very pleasant. I made this note - ‘The girl selling tissues who took the money but didn’t give the tissues.’ It was Mark who was persuaded to buy them. I think she just forgot to hand them over, but it was funny. I then saw her again later as I walked home . She was walking along counting her money.

On Thursday I had my flat inspection, a ‘hospital appointment’ my telephone with my consultant and an interview with a supply agency.

Friday was also an unexpectedly busy/exciting day. The next flight chaos arrived. A message saying my flight from Tashkent to Istanbul had been cancelled. It was time to see if the Uzbek repatriation flights were on. As I set off, Dave got in touch and I told him to join me. It was quite early, but there was already quite a gathering outside the office. I won’t say queue because this is Tashkent. I stood at the back of the scrum. A man asked me if I needed help. I said I was here for a ticket to England. He said I could go straight in. I was unsure, but others waved me forward. I was allowed in and soon after, Dave arrived. Within about 20 minutes, we both had tickets to Istanbul and a reasonable price. Now to check the UK leg.

When I got home, I called Turkish airlines. The app was not letting me do anything. I explained the situation and said that I now had an alternative flight to Istanbul. I wanted to know if I could still use the Manchester ticket. He said I could not. After some back and forth, he told me I could cancel the whole ticket and book a new flight. He told me about the one at 13:40, I pointed out that I knew about that flight as I HAD A TICKET FOR IT. We cancelled and re-booked. He also told me I could only arrange a refund via email. I sent the email. I also filled in a claim on the website. A little while later, a call came to my phone from an Uzbek number. It was a woman ringing to give me a number to call to claim my refund. I wrote the number down and then called it. I got in to a hold queue and decided not to wait. When I looked at the number of the incoming call it was the same as the one the woman had given me. So she called to give me the number she was calling from for me to call to get the refund! A little while later, someone else called and they sorted the refund. The outstanding one from Emirates is still outstanding. But, I (hopefully) have a route home with only 24 hours at Istanbul airport.

My final activity on Friday was to meet two wonderful people at Ecorn. We made a video call to Mairi, too, so she was ‘there’ as well.

The government here is trying to encourage people to continue to be vigilant and sensible. They have sent out police and national guards to check hygiene methods are being observed at shops and markets. Also, the cars making announcements are back out.

And that is my last week (probably). It has been quite a ride. By next Saturday, I should be home home! I will let you know either way! Good Bye.

[sign-from-god-complex]

A Gift From Me To You - Epilogue

Chapter Summary: They were ridiculously domestic, and Patton wouldn’t have them any other way.

Warnings: There’s purely theoretical talk of suicide and major character death (of like, old age) that aren’t actually happening in the story.

A/N: And that’s all he wrote, folks! Thank you so much to all of y’all who’ve followed along with this story and left nice comments (and I do read every tag on all of my writing), it really means the world to me. I’ve put,,, A Lot of effort into this fic and I’m pretty proud of how it’s turned out, all things considered.

I truly hope you’ve all enjoyed it.

AO3 Link //  Link to Chapter One! //  And Two! // And Three! // And Four! // And Five! // And Six! // And Seven! // And Eight!

————————————————

Our final act opens on an apartment located in the centre of town.

It’s a cozy little apartment, collections of pillows and blankets gathered on couches and trinkets covering every surface—a result of the hoarding tendencies of a few of the occupants. The blinds of the outside windows were pulled open, letting the late morning sunlight stream into the living room and illuminating the slightly hectic scene before us.

Patton was curled up in the armchair, watching Roman rush to and fro as he frantically searched for his keys.

He’d basically been at that all morning, having been tricked into sleepy early morning cuddles with Virgil—the way the three of them often seemed to on days they had commitments—and falling behind in his morning routine. Patton wasn’t entirely sure whether it was a coincidence or whether their boyfriend knew they had to get up and be productive but on those days he just seemed considerably more alluring.

Said Virgil glanced up from his phone, disturbing Logan who was resting against his shoulder despite how small the movement was.

“Have you checked the fridge?”

Roman stopped in the middle of rifling through the cupboard near the front door, turning to give his boyfriend a disbelieving look. “The fridge?”

“I dunno,” Virgil shrugged, returning to disinterestedly scrolling through his phone, “That’s usually where my lost stuff ends up. I have a theory that one of us is sleepwalking and moving our shit.”

“Language, Virgil!” Patton chastised.

Virgil muttered through his apologies as Roman rushed into the kitchen. Patton just hoped they hadn’t left any knives out on the counter because at the speed Roman was moving there’s no telling what could happen—they didn’t want a repeat of last year’s Thanksgiving.

After just a moment a triumphant cry was heard, Roman running his way back into the room, his eyes bright. He stopped off at the couch, swooping down to plant a kiss on Virgil’s cheek and delighting at the way his boyfriend immediately began to blush, before looping back around to grab his bag from the hook by the door.

“They were in the fridge! Thank you, my emo nightmare!”

“Yeah, whatever. I wouldn’t even need to suggest it if our shh—” Virgil caught Patton’s mouth tighten out of the corner of his eye. “—hhhtuff didn’t end up in the fridge in the first place.”

The way he said it was slightly accusing, but not in a malicious way, just in a way that indicated that he was tired of having to defrost his belongings every morning.

“Talk to Dr Picani about it at your next appointment,” Logan mumbled. He stretched against Virgil’s side, stifling a yawn. “The onset of sleepwalking could have a psychological basis if it’s not something any of us had previously experienced.”

It was one of Logan’s regulated days off—implemented to ensure that he didn’t overwork himself—so he’d apparently decided to protest by working through the entire evening instead. The three of them had already berated him for that earlier this morning. Now, they were simply trying to convince him to take a nap, though Patton imagined it was hard to stay asleep with Roman buzzing about like a suburban housewife before a dinner party.

“Oh!” Roman exclaimed, “Speaking of Dr Picani, I should head off soon or I’m going to be late. Do any of you need anything while I’m there?”

Logan blinked sleepily and Patton had to fight to not coo at how cute his boyfriend was when he was half-awake. “I… believe I may have left my coat at my last appointment, would you be able to-”

“No problem, specs.”

“Excellent.” Logan evidently decided to take that as the end of his portion of the conversation, as he dropped his head into Virgil’s lap, humming softly as Virgil instinctively went to run a hand through it.

“How about you, Virge?” Roman asked, rocking back and forth on his heels slightly.

“Nah, I’m good. Though—” Virgil looked up from his phone to properly address his boyfriend—“I’ve invited Remy over tonight so if you can pick up some snacks on your way home that’d be cool.”

Roman rolled his eyes with far more intensity than was probably necessary. “Ugh! That asshole?”

“Funny,” Virgil smirked, giving Roman a knowing look, “I distinctly remember someone calling them a "cool dude" the first time we met.”

“Well, that was before I got to know them!”

Virgil studied him for a second, eyes narrowed yet amused. “…You’re still salty that we kicked your ass at Mario Kart, aren’t you?”

A grin broke out on Virgil’s face at the immediate protests from Roman and Logan in the form of both spluttering and a long-winded rant which seemed to only contain a lot of useless excuses—a favourite of Logan’s. It was… ridiculously domestic, and Patton would not have had it any other way.

They still didn’t really understand how or why their soulmarks had developed—Logan had done a lot of research, including discussions with university professors and “soulmark experts” but to no avail, they just hadn’t been able to get a definitive answer. Patton, however, had his own theory.

Things had needed to happen this way and the universe had simply recognised that.

Love is a journey, something you learn to give throughout your life, especially when you’re set to undergo as many challenges as the four of them had. Patton isn’t sure how he feels about fate but he knows in his heart that things would have been… different if they had developed their soulmarks when they were supposed to.

And he was right.

Logan had needed to wait. He’d needed time to develop feelings before his soulmark appeared, needed it to be clear he was the one in control of his own destiny.

There were a billion ways Logan’s story could have ended, but the worst were the ones where he died cold and alone, regretting with every inch of his decaying form that he hadn’t spent more time caring for others. The pursuit of knowledge was all well and good, but it’s little comfort when relaxing into the cold embrace of death.

He would wish for someone to be there with him—someone with a soft, warm smile and compassionate words, someone with large and excitable gestures, ready to tell him a story to soothe his mind, someone soft and quiet, eyes filled with tears and silent acceptance. He would lay there wishing for people who would make him feel loved and fulfilled until he felt finally nothing at all.

There’s no way to know for sure that what he had been given was the best outcome, but there was also no way to know that it wasn’t.

Roman had also needed to wait.

He’d needed to learn that he was a person, first and foremost. He was not one half of a whole, he was a unique individual who may be made better by being in a partnership, but had an intrinsic worth of his own—he may not have quite reached that point by the time he’d met his soulmates, but he’d made a start, and it was enough.

Had Roman developed a soulmark when he was a child the way he “should have” he would have spent his whole relationship basing his self-worth on the love he received from his partners. Fights would have been a nightmare for him, making him feel worthless and unlovable. He would have stormed out a million times, he would have sobbed to himself to sleep, unable to confront the others about the way his heart broke with each criticism and how deep his depression and insecurities actually ran.

In some universes that was all Roman could handle. And they never recovered.

Patton had needed to wait. He’d needed a chance to develop the optimistic outlook that he had, a unique perspective comprised of years of contemplation and familial love.

Not having a soulmark had given him something that had not only altered his view of the world but those around him's too. Patton’s intense empathy and care for others was an integral part of his character, it did not vary too much throughout his different stories, but his success rate did.

Patton had saved people’s lives. Whether this was something he was aware of remained to be seen, however, it was unfortunately not always the case. Sometimes Patton failed—even in the universe that played out, Patton had failed—but his outlook gave him a weapon. It gave him a fighting chance at convincing people to stay, to convince them that they are more than a soulbond—they are a human being.

Sometimes he gave too much of himself away, but he here had the others to keep him grounded and safe.

And lastly, Virgil had needed to wait. Much like Roman, he'd needed a chance to develop a sense of self-worth, but instead of separate from those who may be close to him, separate from societal norms.

Virgil grew up knowing what soulmates were supposed to be like. He grew up knowing the responsibility and the expectations that came with it, hearing all those beautiful love stories of people dying for their soulmates, thinking that’s what you were supposed to do. But now he knew better.

Due to not having a soulmark, Virgil had been removed from the situation. None of those expectations had been placed on him, and he’d come to learn that although rejection is terrifying and people can be cruel, he was allowed to want things for himself. He was allowed to establish boundaries and he was not at the whim of anybody but himself.

Gaining a soulmark when he was a child would have caused Virgil to push himself far beyond what he was ever comfortable with. And Roman—desperately seeking any kind of attention—would have taken and taken and taken without knowing how much it was weighing on Virgil, without ever recognising how drained and miserable his boyfriend had become.

He would’ve found it hard to be happy in his relationship and he would hate himself for feeling that way because they’re his soulmates. He’s supposed to give them everything he has! Even if he’s feeling like he’s running out of things to give.

But none of that happened.

All the ways the events of this story could have played out were not how they played out. The universe knew they had to wait… and so they'd waited.

Their soulmark, though not representing a significant moment in their lives the way they often did, was far from chosen at random—Asters represent love and patience, and after all, the four of them had certainly gained that.

Patton may not know the specifics, but he knew in his heart that the way things had gone resulted in the best possible outcome for all of them. The story may be unconventional, sure, but it was theirs. And he was so incredibly grateful that he got to be a part of it.

“Patton?”

The sound of his name broke Patton free from his thoughts. He jerked his head up from where his gaze had been trailing slow swirls on the carpet, a soft, “Hmm?” pulled from his throat almost instinctively.

Roman was looking at him, head tilted and mild concern painting his features, as Patton belatedly realised he’d been asked a question. Darn.

“I asked if you needed anything while I was with…” Roman trailed off, eyes flickering over his boyfriend’s face as if searching for something. “Are you alright?”

Both of the others were also looking over now, though Logan’s eyes were half closed as he was still partly in the clutches of sleep. Virgil had even placed his phone down, his expression clearly worried, and Patton couldn’t fight the impulse to just soothe their unease.

“Oh! Um, of course, I am!” he answered quickly, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Virgil threw him a disapproving look. Virgil was—Patton might say unfortunately, but he knows he that he shouldn’t—very good at seeing through his lies, so bottling things up wasn’t really an option anymore. Of course, he knows it’s good for his mental health in the long run, but it certainly doesn’t make things easy for him.

“Patton…”

He winced. “Right, right, not hiding my feelings, I know. It’s just-”

He could feel tears building up behind his eyes, threatening to spill out, and Roman strode quickly across the living room floor to kneel in front of him. Taking Patton’s hands gently into his own, Roman pressed a kiss to his palm, pulling them close to his chest and Patton had to bite at his lip to stop from bursting into tears immediately.

“Sweetheart, what is it?” His voice was sweet and understanding and Patton was so full of love for them all that it was overwhelming. “Is something wrong?”

“No! It’s just…” Patton inhaled shakily, eyes scanning over to Virgil and Logan sitting on the couch. Logan had clearly decided this was something worth sitting up for, though he was still leaning against Virgil, who was leaning back into him in turn.

It was sweet just how cuddly Logan got when he was sleepy. Previously, Patton had only had the pleasure of knowing Roman’s level of affection—which was A Lot, All the Time, Yes Please and Thank You—but now he knew Logan’s gentle guiding touches, Virgil’s absentminded petting, the way that sleep made both of them incredibly clingy.

He knew the way Virgil would seek him out after a long day to lie with his head in Patton’s lap, listening to Patton babble on and on to keep his mind off of things. He knew the way Logan would melt if Patton wrapped his arms around him when Logan was working at his desk, all the stress and tension disappearing in the warmth of his touch. He knew how Roman would swirl patterns into his skin as they laid in bed, trying to drift off, never quite settling until all three of them had finally curled up beside him.

He dropped his eyes down to Roman’s chest where his hands were still held, shaking his head slightly in disbelief because this is something he gets to have.

Gods, he was so lucky.

“...You’re all so perfect, you know that?” He looked to meet their slightly stunned expressions, his eyes crinkling at the corners as more tears gathered. “And I love you so, so much.”

The admission prompted a soft, quiet smile to appear on Roman’s face—it was a smile reserved solely for the three of them and it made Patton’s chest lift as tears began to fall. Roman reached out, wiping them away as they made their appearances, pressing lightly against his skin.

“Jeez, Pat, you make it sound like you’re dying,” Virgil joked, but the fond look in his eyes gave him away—he was a sap at heart, even if he’d never admit it.

Patton laughed wetly. “No, no, I’m not dying. ‘m just happy.”

“Well, we love you too, sweetheart.”

Roman leant up to press a kiss to his cheek and Patton felt himself flush slightly at the contact—casual affection was the way to his heart and they all knew it. He did love big displays—it was very sweet when his boyfriends (usually Roman) went to all that effort—but the soft, little everyday things definitely meant a lot to him.

“Of course, we do.” Logan shifted around on the couch, barely stifling a yawn.

Virgil wrapped his arm around Logan’s shoulders, softening as his boyfriend burrowed further into him before gesturing for Patton to move towards them. “Come ‘ere, babe. We demand cuddles.”

Patton giggled, retrieving his hands from Roman and pulling himself up out of the chair. They were all well aware that he could never turn down cuddles. He flopped himself down next to them, seeing the way Logan immediately adjusted to the change, managing somehow to commandeer Patton’s arm and chest as well as Virgil’s in some sort of twisted up human pretzel of a cuddle pile.

Roman had stood up as Patton had and appeared as if he were about to join them, but was stopped abruptly by Logan’s muffled voice.

���Roman. Appointment.”

Roman’s eyes widened, inhaling sharply in alarm. “Ah, shoot. I’m definitely going to be late. What’s the time?”

Virgil, having decided to give himself up to the cuddling, only muttered something incoherently, so Patton grabbed his own phone out of his pocket, trying his best not to jostle the half-asleep Logan.

“Oh!” Patton lit up as his screen turned on, displaying the time. “11:11! Make a wish!”

Two-thirds of the cuddle pile groaned, with interspersed muttering from Logan about how wishes were illogical and how 11:11 is a no more significant time than any other. For just a moment, though, the apartment fell silent, and Patton knew despite their protests they were wishing still.

And then it passed, Roman startling them out of the quiet with a goodbye, a chaste forehead kiss for each of them—though he couldn’t quite reach Logan’s forehead in the position he was in and had to settle for the top of his head instead—and a slam of the door.

Patton grabbed the remote to switch on the TV, trying to find something to occupy himself until he had to start lunch. Virgil eventually picked his phone back up, sending memes to Roman for him to see after his appointment just in case things got too emotional. Logan, surrounded by the warmth of his boyfriends, finally managed to fall asleep for a short duration, though he was abruptly awoken 20 minutes later by Remy’s arrival.

Patton was always adamant that if you say your wish aloud it won’t come true. As such, the four of them had no way of knowing that at that moment each of them had wished for the same thing—the one thing that they could think to want for.

Logan, vulnerable for the first time in his life, relishing in the way it felt to open up knowing you’re only going to receive love and care in return, knowing that he was safe.

Virgil, comfortable and accepted and far happier than he’d ever thought he could be, aware that finally he’d found his place—somewhere he didn’t have to worry.

Roman, experiencing the security of having people who adored him, making an effort to understand just how wonderful he truly was and how many good things he deserved.

Patton surrounded by all the love he’d ever wanted, feeling bright and hopeful for the rest of their lives together, feeling like he was finally living up to all those expectations he’d put on himself.

All of them, with their eyes shut and their hearts full, had wished only for this happiness to last.

So the universe smiled and gave them all one last gift.

————————————————

Tag list <333 : @bunny222 @jadedfantasies231 @221b-quote @reinefandoms @i-really-dig-the-purple @bionic-egypt @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @mistress-jinx09 @soijusthavetoask @marshmallow-the-panda @the-writersblock @theunoriginaldaisy @therubyjailcell @sandersfandersblog @hghrules @that-smol-tired-gay @sanders-sides-stuff @inan-sanders @frogdog145 @follow-pheonix-inside @forestwulf @coloursintheblur @cosmic-melodies

General tag list: @mutechild @super-magical-wizard @shadowsfromthesun

[studiobeebo]

Cops N’ Robbers (College AU!Shinsou Hitoshi x Fem! Reader)

My first piece for the BNHA 13 Days of Halloween challenge from @bnhalloween-challenge!!!

Challenge | Day 4 - Matching Costumes

Category | Writing - Scenario 

Word Count | 2,149

NOTE: This is a college AU and it involves a party so there is mention of drinking!

If you were being honest, you really had no intentions of somehow picking a matching costume to another person at the party you were currently at, but at this point it didn’t really seem like honesty mattered much.

For starters you were never huge on parties, but you didn’t hate them and you knew a good handful of the people that would be going to this one so you figured why not? You’d been studying your ass off for a big exam the day prior for weeks, it was the weekend, and it was Halloween at that so you figured you needed something fun to let loose. Sure you could have just relaxed in your dorm room instead, buuut your friends teased you into going by repeatedly mentioning that they knew you still had that cute cop costume from the year before. So there you were, sitting on a ratty old couch that was surely drenched in liquor by this time at night and chatting with a friend, though when the same topic of conversation came up that you had heard a million times already, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“Oooo you’re matching with Shinsou, huhhh? Didn’t know you two were a thing.~”

“We aren’t.” You said sharply with a sigh, letting out a groan when all you got was a shrug in response.

When you had first gotten asked if you came with Shinsou to the party, you were honestly a bit confused and slightly flustered. It wasn’t that you were in love with him or anything, but at the same time you had to admit that you did sort of get excited for those few classes you had with him. He was cute and sarcastically funny, plus driven and smart to a point that you were surprised more people weren’t chasing him. You could understand how his blunt personality could be seen as a bit abrasive as you had heard from some other friends and classmates, but somehow you found it charming. It was embarrassing to have such a lame crush since you were an adult, but sometimes you couldn’t help but stare or be a bit overly enraptured when he’d stop you to talk in the hallways. Of course the color that filled your cheeks and the way you’d practically hold your breath until he was out of sight led to endless teasing from your friends, but there was nothing much you could do but smack them and tell them to buzz off.

Just thinking about some of your closer interactions with him was enough to send your heart into a frenzy, so when it was explained to you that he came to this dumb halloween party dressed as a classic old timey burglar, which so happened to make a perfect match for your cop outfit, you became even more awkward about it. The idea of people seeing the two of you as a...pair, of sorts, only reminded you of all the childish daydreams you often got caught up in that happened to include him and you together. You brushed it off, telling them that you two weren’t really matching...well, you were, but it was only a coincidence. They didn’t seem terribly convinced, but eventually they let it go and you were able to enjoy yourself without worrying about embarrassing yourself or your crush who you had yet to even see. Of course the longer the night went along, the more drunken and loud comments you got about it, the worst ones being about the fake handcuffs and baton strapped to your belt and the many possible ‘uses’ for them in bed. Of course you could have just ignored them but then again you didn’t want rumors spreading about Shinsou’s apparent...interests just because a bunch of drunken idiots thought you were together, so you promptly told them off.

You were lucky enough to enjoy the party somewhat though, having a couple drinks yourself just to loosen up the mood a bit and spending some time joking around with friends, but it seemed like every conversation led back to Shinsou no matter how hard you tried to avoid the topic. It was a bit ironic that neither of you had even seen each other yet, but you weren’t the only one dealing with quickly spreading rumors, however Shinsou’s introduction to said rumors was a lot more excessive than yours.

“DUDE!!”

Shinsou honestly had no idea how Kaminari had managed to be so damn loud amidst all the other noise, but the mischievous look on his face only told him that whatever news he had to give wasn’t good.

“First you said you weren’t coming and then you show up with (Name)?! What the fuck man!!”

“What?” Was the only thing he could think to say as his brow furrowed in confusion in regards to what Kaminari said while slinging an arm over his shoulder.

For starters he never said he wasn’t coming, he said he wasn’t sure if he could. And secondly, he definitely didn’t come to the party with you. Would he have wanted to? ...Maybe, but he wasn’t even in a spot where he could just man up enough to even ask you to grab a coffee with him, so asking you to go to a party with him was way out of the question, so he had no idea what Kaminari was referring to.

“Yeah man!!” He practically yelled in his ear, “You guys have matching costumes, didn’t you come together? She’s like a FBI agent or somethin’..” He trailed off, his eyes scanning the room to see if he could spot you to point you out.

‘Matching costumes?’ He thought to himself, or at least he tried to over all the music and loud chatter. Sure he talked to you almost every day, but he didn’t even know you were going to be here and he was positive he’d remember discussing wearing matching costumes with you if he had.

“We aren’t matching, it’s probably just a coincidence…” he muttered, his patience for social interaction already beginning to wear thin, but if you were here…

“Whatever maaan, you should just tell people you’re matching anyways, then you’ll have to grow a pair and ask her out!”

Kaminari ducked away just in time to avoid an attempted whack at his head and harsh glare from Shinsou who only shook his head and let out a sigh once Kaminari was out of sight and back to being an idiot somewhere else. He’d heard his annoying attempts to try and get him to ask you out plenty of times and he was starting to get a bit sick of it, but still, the annoyance of one friend wasn’t something maybe a drink or two couldn’t fix and if you were around here somewhere he didn’t have trouble convincing himself to stay just a ‘little’ longer just to get a chance to talk with you and maybe put his alcohol-loosened personality to use. Of course his plan had a few bumps along the way as he ended up actually talking to a few other classmates and friends, his usual disinterest in crowds dissolving a bit into the liquid confidence he had received, and for a bit he completely forgot about his original plan to talk to you unless someone brought up your ‘matching costumes’. Luckily for him it was when he was doing his last wander about the crowded house that he found you seated on one of the couches, scrolling through your phone with tired eyes, your own party fueled excitement haven given way to a bit of exhaustion, but when your eyes lit up and a smile broke out on your face upon seeing him seat himself beside you, his heart could have melted instantly.

“Well hey, I heard you were around here somewhere.” You said with a laugh, scooting a bit closer to him so you could hear him over the noise as he gave you a small smile of his own.

“Guess I’m the man of the hour then.” He said with a shrug before gesturing to your costume. If anything he at least somewhat understood now why he heard so much about it. Maybe an average cop didn’t wear a cute navy blue pencil skirt with a light blue button down to match, but you looked good anyways, but then again, when didn’t you?

“You’re probably the only officer any of the people here would want to see tonight.” He said in some awkward attempt to flirt while gesturing to the fake badge pinned to your shirt, but again, without the liquid confidence he wouldn’t have even tried so it was better than nothing.

“And you’re probably the only criminal I wouldn’t arrest.” You teased in response, nodding your head towards his own costume. It wasn’t anything outlandish, just a black and white striped shirt with a black eye mask that he pulled down to hang from his neck a while ago, but it was enough to know what he was. Part of you wished you had planned to be matching in the first place, but since it ended up happening anyways you had to think it was fate, though that may have just been wishful lovestruck thinking.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind, at least if it were you locking me up.” He spoke before clearing his throat awkwardly, immediately regretting his choice of words despite the small laugh it got out of you.

“Er- I just mean like-“ He muttered under his breath, reaching a hand back to nervously rub at the back of his neck before deciding to just change the topic of conversation. “Parties aren’t really my thing…I guess I prefer less people.”

“Now that I can understand.” You spoke in reply, “Hanging out with one or two people is fine but after a while crowds can get annoying.”

“Yeah..” He mumbled, not really sure where else to lead the conversation now that it had started.

This always happened, he’d stop you to talk for a little bit but then he’d start getting nervous. He’d get that annoying feeling in his stomach of knowing damn well that he wanted to say more, to get to know you better, but he’d always end up chickening out and just bidding his goodbye’s before heading to his next class or wherever it was he was going. He was tired of that cycle, and while he knew there was no way he could be suave or ‘cool’ about it, he decided now would be a chance to break that cycle, or at least try to. He didn’t want to think about it, but at least if you rejected him then maybe he could finally get over this whole childish crush of his and move on.

“But, uh,” He stopped, shifting awkwardly in his seat before clearing his throat once more. “Well if you’re fine with one person we could hang out sometime. I usually end up going to the cafe across from the library after classes anyways, you could always come with..If you wanted.”

The nonchalant shrug he gave hopefully gave off the impression that this was a ‘no big deal’ sort of thing, but the tight feeling in his chest was definitely there to remind him how nerve wracking this was no matter how slightly tipsy he may have been. He tried his best to avoid eye contact or even looking at your face in general, knowing that even getting a glimpse of disappointment before you had even said anything would break his heart, but instead he was met with laughter that sounded as adorable as ever yet only served to confuse him as his eyes finally met your own.

“Sorry.” You muttered, quickly ceasing your laughter since you really didn’t want to explain that you only found it funny in some sad way since you never thought he’d ask you something like that. All this time you’d been avoiding trying getting to know him better, thinking he’d find it weird, yet here he was asking you to hang out with him. Plus even if his intention wasn’t to ask you out on a date per se, a girl could dream, right?

“Oh, but yeah! I’d-That would be really cool. Sometime. Er, sometime soon then?” You finally responded, trying and hopelessly failing in trying to hide your enthusiasm, but Shinsou was far too concerned with himself to even notice.

“Yeah, Cool, then..” He stopped, trying to somewhat organize his thoughts. A ‘yes’ was all he could have hoped for, but if he were being honest he was more so preparing to get shut down. Still, even if he weren’t prepared, just this once he was more than happy to just go with it, and hopefully, you’d be going with it to. “Then yeah. Sometime soon for sure.”

[livingfictionsystem]

August 4th-5th, 2020.

I’d been out at the new apartment, trying to get my power sorted, when I saw the texts that made my stomach drop. Shaking, I rang Asra. Asra had been appalled before when I’d spoken about the dog-piling three or four against one that had been done to me before, and told me to call them if the household ever tried to pull this again. In fact, they said they would drive here and protect me, if need be. “I’m scared to go home,” I’d blurted.

I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t be harassed until my mind went blank and I was forced to apologise and beg for any sort of mercy.

Asra called Arkady, then called me back. “Hey, he’s upset, but he says he’s going to try not to yell at you. I spoke to Ash and they said they would try to rein him in a bit. It’s just one talk, then you all can move into different apartments and try to cool down for a while.”

I stared. There was a storm brewing overhead. A plastic bag did cartwheels in front of me as the wind whipped around my tense body. Somehow, a situation that was ‘unacceptable’ months before was turned into, ‘The household gets a little yell at Xanthe. As a treat.’

I shivered.

I’d tried to take a break away from Facebook for a few weeks. It was my most accurate mirror I could find, and it was becoming depressing to look at. I hadn’t reached out to many. And now, even someone who knew about the situation was fine with me being the sacrificial lamb for this crowd to get their pound of flesh.

The existential crisis that had been in my mind like a powder keg kept weighing on me. I remember I had theorized that perhaps if all of my friends were Neb’s characters, I likely was too. But why did she create me? What was I based off of?

Spoiler alert: As I’d said before, Neb was heavily into Black Butler and The Infernal Devices series at the time of my creation. But in this state, I was horrified by the coincidence that April had had a British blonde boyfriend by the name of Dante. What if she based me off that boy?

Vex would point out later on that I met April before even hearing of Dante. But this thought was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s what drove me over the edge. I’d tried to soothe my brain with wine, but it was practically screaming with an entire existential crisis and I couldn’t shut it up.

I booted up my laptop, went on Facebook Live. My laptop has an issue where it doesn’t like to let me filter down my audience the first time around, so at first I tried to go into my private FB group for mental illness, called Coping.

I actually don’t remember what I said on that one. I just knew that my audience wasn’t big enough. No, no, that wouldn’t do at all. I felt crazy, didn’t know who was real and who wasn’t, I’d been isolated far too long– fuck it, I’d just go public. I was too tired of screaming in my own head not to need a least a classroom’s worth of people around me.

As I was waiting for the broadcast to go through, I couldn’t help but notice I wasn’t alone in my room. Xhaxhollari, who I’d pointedly ignored these past couple of months, was seated on my bed. His wings were folded and he regarded me with a stony expression. Vex was seated on the floor, at the foot of my desk. “Good. You need witnesses,” Vex murmured, with a side-eye to the door.

I shook my head at her and opened my phone. Another text from Arkady. “You forgot to mention Gaslamp,” it said.

Oh, yes. The pack mentality that I gave a name. It reminded me so much of my ex that I thought she was following me. As it turned out, my housemate actually went to her. I was right about everything except the magic portion. I wasn’t trying to start with that, but–

“I need this to end somehow,” I whispered. “I can’t take any more of this.”

“You must endure.” Xhaxhollari, unlike Vex, made no effort to keep his voice down. “It’s clear there is something wrong. What if it targets Arkady next? You know he can’t survive this.”

I chewed on the ends of my fingers. “Even if we’re right, there’s nothing I can do if everyone hates me. And why am I still seeing Mx. Be Not Afraid over there? I integrated that angel!”

Yet that fucker was still over my shoulder, smirking, living its best life without going dormant.

I glanced at the broadcast as footsteps approached. It hadn’t started yet. Did I forget to push a button? Vex fiddled with the mouse a bit, crouching between myself and the door. I think I was already talking at this point– discussing the odd instances where Arkady had yelled at me and hadn’t seemed to remember it, how the house seemed obsessed with accommodating and defending certain people and mistreating others, how they weren’t like this before they met March–

I don’t remember if he knocked or not, but suddenly, Arkady. “Xanthe, come here. We’re having this talk. Now.”

Vex shook her head.

“I don’t want to.” I replied. “And I’m not even sober.”

“When are you sober, Xanthe?”

Ever not pay attention and have autism just auto-fill your next reply? Because uh. “Before 7pm.” A little rule I’d invented for myself. I was so proud.

“Mm. Yes, nice snark, there.”

“I was being literal.”

“I can tell the difference between your literal tone and your snark. Come downstairs, we’re talking.” His voice was icy cold, lacking in any sort of warmth and compassion. It used to sing me to sleep. It used to give me enough ‘I love you’s’ to last the weekend. It used to tell me about how it couldn’t live without me. It used to be my favourite song. And now it just sounded like an angry, violent stranger. He used to know me, and now he couldn’t even tell my tones apart.

“I don’t want to.”

Again, my memory blurs. I still have video proof on my FB, but trauma has made it difficult to bring it up again. I think it was full of him trying to get me into another intervention and myself refusing. I think it’s at this point where he told me, “We’re having this talk or I’m telling all of your Facebook followers when your birthday actually is.”

“You’re blackmailing me?” My voice sounded wooden. Vex narrowed her eyes, then looked at me in alarm. Something was going through its death-throes in my soul, and it wasn’t me. I thought it had been, for months. It’d been dying since the month of March. I had thought it was me, I felt it so keenly. Maybe this night would finally kill me. I would disappear into this brain as Neb did, finally be at peace. But at this blackmail, I felt a brief pain, as if the mortal blow had just landed, then… nothing. I felt an odd sort of detachment, as if the world around me were a nightmare.

He said some sort of reply. But I turned to my broadcast. I never could behave well enough to be properly blackmailed. “Yes, my body was born on August 25th, 1993. I’ve never used that birthday because I felt like a walk-in soul. I’ve only had this body since about 2013.” In the background, Arkady was screaming ‘Lies, lies, LIES!’ through the door. I continued on. “I don’t know what’s going on. There’s a lot of friends that I’ve had that are apparently fictional, like me, and I don’t know what’s real or not.” I rambled afterwards. I rambled about my paranoia over Zara, how everyone seemed offended that I didn’t want company over for half of each week with no notice and leaving a sprinkling of empty energy drink cans and a cloud of weed scent wherever she staggered. I discussed how toxic March was when he first moved in, about how he seemed to turn Ash from someone who cared deeply for Arkady to someone that would rather have sex with March for eight hours. Whoever just died in me, it was like I was breathlessly telling their tale of betrayal and how they met their fate.

At this point, Arkady was screaming, ‘Asra says to get off Live! Get off Live! Get off Live! Get off Live RIGHT now.’ He kept screaming. What would happen if I got off Live? What would he do?

I didn’t know. I didn’t know how to express that I didn’t know. He was still screaming.

I went non-verbal. I didn’t know how to make it stop.

I picked up some sort of holiday card, flipped it to the blank side, and wrote the only phrase I could express, and held it up for the camera.

I’M SCARED

He finally left. A friend, who had witnessed the exchange, texted me an offer to pick me up for the night, just to make me feel safe. Which, I decided was probably for the best, as Arkady was shouting, “Are you FUCKING kidding me?” downstairs.

Vex gathered a bag for me. In low tones, she coached me on where everyone in the house was, informing me I had a clear path to the cars outside. Together, we ran outside.

I vaguely remember hugging my friend’s friend. “You didn’t even seem to be talking shit?” She reassured me. “You just seemed to be… venting.” I remember shakily rambling about how it’d gone too far this time, stunned that this had even happened. The rest of the night occurred in a disassociated blur. I’d rescued my box of Franzia, intending to nurse that for the rest of the night. Upon noting this, my friend joked that I was a ‘high-functioning alcoholic.’ And you know, after six months of balancing on eggshells, it wasn’t far from exaggerative.

My friend received a text from March, detailing either lies or things the rest of the household used to endorse. He even mocked me for thinking Oscar Wilde may have been a past life. Which, was not only something that Arkady had suggested, but something March’s toxic ex had already went for. Funny, how one can become one’s worst enemy. Everything else had been a lie.

(So, addressing those one at a time… I never said March was possessed by a demon. I said that he had a cult-like effect about him, that reminded me of my ex, April, that made people seem to act possessed in their hyper-defense of him. And yes, I think my past-life is Oscar Wilde. I’m spiritual, and Wilde and I have gone through a lot of the same things. He just happens to be a Libra. It was actually Arkady who had told me that Oscar was a past life. Everyone else in the house endorsed it– Oscar would later become an ‘introject’ alter. Only one other person has used my past-life belief against me, and it’s someone who March calls abusive. I assume he’s too dim to catch the irony, there. Arkady and I hadn’t broken up yet. He dumped me in July. I posted those photos, likely about a dozen of them, in early June. They were still fond memories, and I didn’t feel like taking them down yet. Arkady had told me I was allowed to tell him ‘I love you’ in different ways. ‘On Vis Och’ was a line in a book that meant, ‘A good end and a new beginning.’ I hadn’t realised it made him uncomfortable, and stopped once I realised it had. I didn’t write handwritten notes to him in his room. I left them for Visarden, his alter? Past-life? Who told me our relationship was still there. About me using wine to loosen him up– Never happened. That’s not even a misunderstanding, it’s a goddamned lie. Once, Arkady had told me that I just ‘needed to buy him wine’ to get him in the mood. I didn’t take him up on that offer, but would occasionally do so as a gift, when I would stock up on my own supply. He also didn’t come out as grey ace until after we’d stopped sleeping together.)

(“I’m done speaking out against Xanthe” is probably the funniest joke March has ever told. Note that he wasn’t warning my friend. That abusive ex? Yes, was a prick. He tried to make me seem crazy by mocking my past-life. Sound familiar? It should.)

My friend offered me a stim toy and I slept a nice, drunken sleep on their apartment couch that night. The next day, I was still disassociated. I felt mostly numb and detached from reality. I kept having to ask my friend to repeat conversations. Especially after a text I’d gotten from Asra, saying I was cut off from them for publicly complaining about the round after round of hen-pecking. They took me to a walk around the river, helped me pick up some of AJ’s things they’d sent via the train. Then it was time to go back. My friend only lived in a shared apartment with a roommate, after all. And I hadn’t brought enough to stay extra days.

I updated a status, clarifying that Arkady was not beating me, and likely never would. I made the Lives private. I genuinely did not want anyone harassing him.

My plan was simple. Run in, lay AJ’s things in the public space, then go to my room. I would spend the next two weeks until my move-in date avoiding my housemates, packing, and minding my own business. They had other plans.

I came back to all doors locked. My house key could never undo the deadbolts, so I had to call Ash.

Then they confronted me. The very scenario I had been trying to avoid, but this time, they had more ammunition. They’d read my journals in my absence, leafing through them as if they had been studying for a test. This was the second offense of reading my journals. The first, being much more mild, something they said they regretted.

I have to say, I disassociated through a lot of the discussion. I was apparently talking, apologising, say that I meant my apology. I remember only snippets.

Apparently, Arkady was meant to stay away from the conversation, but came back up. “No, I’m not even scared.” He said, taking in my shaking form in the doorway. “This is just funny to me. This is like a soap opera, it’s just funny now. No, I want to watch.”

Me, falling into his arms out of the moving van. Dancing in the rain. Him comforting me after a nightmare. Him, in a rage, after my mother threatened to abandon me through top surgery. He, who sang me a sweet song of mourning after my bird had died. He, who taught me how to cry after so long not knowing how. It had to have been a different person who thought my fear was funny.

“You said you wanted us to help each other heal!” Arkady went on, in a tone filled with such disgust that one would think I’d confessed to drugging his cat for fun. “Is that how you see me? Is that what you think I’m for?”

“It’s just a joke. “Xhax’s voice was clear in my head, high in wonderment.

It was then March’s turn to throw something at me. “After I had gotten fired from Lori’s, you said that you fell asleep with a smile on your face and a song in your heart!”

Actually, I thought, that was after you’d freaked out that you mispronounced the word ‘ambivalent‘ and made it a Whole episode.

“These people aren’t interested in facts. It’s the narrative they want.” I glanced at Xhaxhollari. Clearly, the household couldn’t see him.

I just said I was sorry. The words were hollow on my tongue. There was an expectation that they should be otherwise, but I’m not sure how any of the four of us reached that conclusion. I was also aware that they were giving me two days to find other arrangements. I’d had nowhere else to go, but that clearly wasn’t their problem.

“You can get a hotel,” Arkady informed me icily.

“For two weeks?” Sure, I had a discount through Hilton, but it was based on availability. And they all decided to do this just as RIT students were coming through and looking to quarantine.

Obviously, I was lying about something. Arkady seemed sure of it. “You told me,” Arkady began, spitting the words like an accusation. I think he may have even been pointing at me. “That you got a discount from Hilton that would make any reservation 35 a night! It would be less than six hundred dollars. You can do that.”

I think I just stared at him for that. Even if I were to open my app and show him, he’d likely never be convinced. He had his narrative, what more did he need?

Then there was a barrage of how I’d ‘brought Gaslamp into the house.’ “No. My ex made me believe that. I shouldn’t have passed it onto the rest of you, but I was fooled too. I’m sorry I was the first.” I actually can’t picture my tone here. Was I even the one speaking? I don’t know. I only know I said that last part because March repeated it mockingly back at me.

“‘Oh, I’m sorry I was the first!'” March would make a bad actor. I’d always thought that. I was suddenly caught on the airy, patronizing quality of his voice. He really only had one tone of voice, and I could only describe it as a ‘Your bra-strap is showing’ sort of tone. “See, they’re just making themselves into a victim again! You’re doing it again, Xanthe, and we’re wise to all of your manipulation. And apparently you thought that I put Ash into a ‘Hostage situation’ by threatening to kill myself over the phone for hours when they were on vacation? I was having a breakdown, Xanthe!”

“Your pain is a joke. Your privacy is a joke. A soap opera.” I didn’t see Xhaxhollari’s point just then, but he was still talking at my side. His voice sounded calm, but his wings were arched and tense.

I remember them surrounding me and repeating again and again, as if chanting that I was the abuser was enough to overwrite my memories saying otherwise. They may as well try again, it’d worked before. It was this odd narrative that everything that March had ever done could never be abuse. He had a break down, he had a PTSD flashback, he needed help, and I heartlessly labeled his actions abusive. Meanwhile, my own PTSD was manipulation, my breakdowns were abuse, and who needs support when they could just tell me over and over again that I’m awful?

Ash spoke up, finally. “I ‘think I’m an Unseelie king’? Why did you tell Asra that, other than to damage my relationship with them?”

March chimed in. “Yeah, you have to stop talking about our worlds, Xanthe!”

I winced. I actually did feel real shame over that. I probably would’ve felt more if my conversation in confidence hadn’t been shared. But how else to reach out about the fact that these people assured me that my friends were real? For what reason? Their own validation?

Why were they so intent on suddenly dismissing a reality they’d once endorsed?

March was still talking. “And I have PTSD, too, Xanthe. C-PTSD, in fact!”

“Your enemy is a joke.” Xhax continued.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. March’s voice sounded just so pompous. My voice carried on, distantly. I couldn’t tell what it was doing. The last twenty minutes of that conversation are lost to me. In fact, most of that night is lost to me. I know I didn’t drink any more wine.

I remember calling Cotton. I remember calling Kaspar. I remember texting my father. Cotton reassured me that he’d known me for much longer than my household, and had never considered me manipulative. He’d been there for April’s fake possession, her fake seizures, her faked blindness. Kaspar, who was distressed at having known none of this prior to that night, saying how these people wouldn’t stand a chance if I had manipulated them. My dad, saying how my housemates were in the wrong for having read my journals again.

Again.

Again.

It was sinking in.

They’d done it again.

The quotes they’d used, it was all from my journals. More than one. That thought seemed to bleed through in my sleep, to the point where the violation was all that was on my mind the day aft.

It’d turned to daylight. I posted to Facebook, filtering out the cult that’d formed under my roof, “They went through my fucking journals.”

Not even a half hour later, March was outside my door. “We see you playing the victim, Xanthe. You tried to hide from Ash, but it didn’t work. Also, Asra knows how you really now. We told them everything.”

I was frozen in my room. Vex, who had refused to leave my side since last night, cursed under her breath, and began to pack a bag. “If they really knew everything, then what are they doing standing for this shit?” She growled.

Good question.

March, who claimed not to be the problem but was very much proving to be the instigator, continued to gripe to Ash. “They apologise to our face but then go behind our backs to bitch to Facebook! Apparently, this is all our faults! First they blame Zara, then Seven, and now me again!”

March was playing music from his room, blasting petty break-up songs and what seemed to be Onision’s breakdown. (I think they were attempting to make some sort of comparison?)

My therapist was on the phone with me in what seemed like minutes later. I only remember one part of that conversation. “They went through your fucking journals, Xanthe! And used it against you! You can’t stay another night in that house! Who cares if your friends are real? If they’re not the ones mistreating you, call them!”

Vex was very pointedly packing my journals into my suitcase. I reached for my pendant– it symbolized my heart, but it’d broken earlier this year. I hadn’t yet fixed it; it seemed odd to me to pretend that my heart wasn’t broken.

Xhax’s hand covered mine as I reached for the watch. “Not yet. You need protection, not your heart. Your heart is what’s gotten you into this mess.” He slid my clockwork angel pendant into my palm.

It was from the Infernal Devices series. Ithuriel, the angel, was trapped in a clockwork pendant the protagonist always wore. It was meant to protect her. I’d bought it recently to feel safe.

I stared at him. “I thought you were wanting me to sacrifice myself to save Arkady?”

He shook his head. “You did what you could. He just isn’t there right now. Any more selfless, you won’t have any more self left to lose.”

I slipped the pendant over my head, made my reservation for Collegetown’s Hilton, then fled. When I got to my room, I collapsed on my bed, wanting to sob and–

Just as before I’d met Arkady… no tears came.

I was fictional again.

[loremaster]

BNHA 167 SPOILERS

Many people think this chapter is a red herring. I don’t, and here’s why. Prepare for a lot of words.

First off, I love Aoyama very much, if you couldn’t tell already. I think his weird flashy persona is hilarious, especially combined with the way he tries and fails to get attention. He’s been effective comic relief (for me, anyway) and he’s often the butt of the joke, but he bounces back and puts his persona back on anyway.

The audience is also made to sympathize with him at key points during the story so far. During the training camp arc, he is frozen in fear but finally wills himself to act against his cowardice to save Tokoyami’s life (and almost Bakugou’s as well). During the hero license arc, he experiences a similar dilemma, overcoming his insecurities to help his classmates in a big way (and at his own expense). Both times, we actually get a glimpse into his internal monologue, so that the audience can relate to his struggles.

The hero license arc is perhaps the biggest chunk of information we’ve gotten about Aoyama’s story so far. He flashes back to receiving his precious belt as a gift, while he thinks the words “Mama… Papa… why am I so different from everyone else?” This could mean a lot of things, but a popular theory (that I personally subscribe to - I even made a comic about it) is that Aoyama is secretly quirkless.

We’ve never seen him without his belt. During the entrance exam and the sports festival, it’s stated he took the time to fill out the necessary paperwork so he could use his equipment in the arena. We don’t know how his Navel Laser functions without it… or if it even does. It’s entirely possible the quirk itself is contained within the belt, and without it, he is useless. Either that, or without the belt, his quirk is unstable and a risk to himself or those around him, but I think it’s more interesting to believe the former.

To my knowledge, Deku is the only major character at this point to have been born quirkless. (at least in the main story - we have Knuckleduster in the Vigilante spinoff.) Other characters have had their quirks taken away, sure, but if 20% of the world is in fact born without superpowers like Deku… it’s a little strange that there hasn’t been a single other quirkless character. I think being quirkless is an important part of Deku’s heroic journey and his identity, and having another quirkless character go about it completely differently would provide an excellent foil to Deku.

(On a side note, Deku and Aoyama’s surnames seem to be parallels of each other, corroborating the idea of them set up as foils. “Green valley” vs. “Blue mountain” …? Horikoshi puts a lot of thought into his characters’ names and what they mean, so there’s no way this is a coincidence.)

So in Chapter 167, we see that Aoyama is not quite what he seems. After a display of hilarious and unexplainable behavior at lunch time, Deku’s internal monologue from the future kicks in and says “Aoyama was someone I could never understand… until his true nature started to reveal itself.” We see Aoyama with an uncharacteristically grim expression, with no silly sparkles to be found, looming over Deku from outside the balcony as Deku sleeps. Yeah, this is ominous - too ominous to be the setup for a bait-and-switch, in my opinion. It doesn’t seem tonally cohesive to go back on all this buildup suddenly, especially since we’ve been waiting for a traitor reveal since Present Mic first pitched the idea after the training camp fiasco. Deku’s monologue hinting at understanding Aoyama’s “true nature” is also ominous… but vague enough to not be entirely condemning. More on that later.

Some people have brought up the idea that this Aoyama we’re seeing outside Deku’s window is in fact, not the real Aoyama, but Toga disguised as him using her quirk. I won’t deny this is a possibility - yes, the wine glass earlier in the chapter could possibly be filled with Aoyama’s blood, which could be a reason to insist on eating alone - but, again, unless Horikoshi is less straightforward of a writer and more of a troll than I thought he was, I don’t think this would be tonally consistent with the buildup in the narration. Deku also says “Aoyama is a man whom I could never understand” … If it’s Toga as a doppelgänger, that wouldn’t make sense, as this statement applies to both Aoyama’s present and past behavior. Toga didn’t get involved with the League of Villains until after the Stain arc, whereas Aoyama’s mysterious absence during the USJ arc before that is one of the things that makes the idea of him as the traitor all the more likely.

When Horikoshi drew up a chart of each student and major villain’s location when they get split up at the USJ, both Aoyama and Hagakure’s locations are unknown. I don’t think this is without reason. Both of their absences are played off as jokes - Hagakure claims to be near Todoroki, who is unable to confirm either way because she’s invisible, and wonders how she escaped being frozen, and Aoyama, after failing to get attention several times in a row, proclaims his location is “a secret.” The Hagakure traitor theory is already very popular, and there are many posts and videos about it already, so if you’re curious, please look it up. Not many of those posts have discussed the idea of Hagakure and Aoyama being partners in crime, though. I think that’s very possible at this point.

So, if Aoyama really is a criminal working for the League of Villains, what is his motivation? Based on everything we’ve seen, I think he is being manipulated by the League, and All for One in particular. Why? Because All for One can give out quirks.

What if Aoyama was born quirkless, but isn’t quirkless anymore? All for One would have the means to give this insecure boy what he wants in order to feel “equal” with the rest of the world, and use that as something to lord over his head and demand loyalty, as he could just as easily take that quirk away. This quirk could be the Navel Laser quirk, or if the laser is contained entirely within the belt, it could be something completely different - a second quirk we haven’t seen yet.

This would mean that Aoyama, while being the traitor, wouldn’t exactly be an unsympathetic character, which fits with the things we’ve seen directly from Aoyama before. He’s an incredibly insecure and cowardly young teenager who sees himself as unequal to his peers, and covers that up with a flashy persona to get attention. Up until now, he’s been annoying (to others, maybe) comic relief who knows how to stand up for himself and his classmates when it really matters. His past actions and the way they’re framed wouldn’t really make sense if he were entirely malicious and the entire thing was faked. I think he’s really bad at faking things! When someone pokes holes in his sparkly facade, he visually reacts! He gets nervous! He hasn’t been very competent at much of anything, not quirk tests, or grades, or even getting the attention he so clearly craves. If every part of that is an act, color me impressed.

But even though I think he’s sympathetic as a whole, that doesn’t mean I think he’s innocent either. Remember how he got to participate in the last section of the sports festival? He was in dead last during the race, but Shinsou brainwashed him and rode on his back for the cavalry battle, carrying him to victory (pun intended). Ojirou and Shouda, who had also been brainwashed, both dropped out of the final round because it wouldn’t be honorable to participate without having relied on your own strength to get there. Aoyama, however… sees nothing wrong with this, and participates anyway. This seriously calls his morality into question. He clearly thinks getting attention is more important than honor or skill. So he participates, only to be absolutely humiliated in front of thousands. Butt of the joke indeed.

Something else I have thought was odd about him was during his introduction at the UA entrance exams, when the teachers are describing various ways students can be strong and succeed. They indirectly describe Aoyama as someone who can “remain calm in any situation” … but this isn’t quite true, from what we’ve seen later. This could be something I’m reading into a little too much - I don’t know what it means, but it stood out to me.

The running gag of Aoyama breaking the fourth wall and always looking at the camera/the viewer is also something notable about him… at this point, it seems a little creepier than it did before. Maybe it’s symbolic of his constant unsuccessful plots for attention, maybe it means he’s aware of something his other classmates are not. I always thought it was endearing and funny, but others probably thought it was creepy. This latest chapter seems to confirm that.

His behavior - his “true nature” - really is unexplainable at parts, though. Especially during the cheese scene during this chapter. What’s up with that? I don’t think he was trying to poison Deku at all - that’d be way too obvious. My guess is he was just trying to make friends and win Deku’s trust in his own weird way… but then why is he so awkward about it? Why is he so unsuccessful at getting the attention and praise he wants? There’s still a lot more to be discovered here.

Some people have also suggested that Aoyama’s creepiness and upfront behavior in this chapter is because he has a crush on Deku. Again, not entirely out of the question, but I’ll be surprised if it happens in canon. Aoyama has read as very flamboyant since the beginning, but at the same time… I’m not sure I quite like the idea of the Gay Character being a creepy stalker. We’ll just have to see with this.

So what do I think is going to happen, then?

I think this next arc will be about uncovering Aoyama’s secrets, of course. We, the audience are aware that there’s something darker going on with him now, as is future Deku given his narrations… but the Deku of the present is still sleeping soundly as he is being observed. I don’t think this will lead to a confrontation immediately - I think Deku has to work for his suspicions to be confirmed. Quite possibly, he will be the lone doubter of our sparkly boy until some more evidence comes into play.

Iida, especially, will be an obstacle Deku has to overcome. In this chapter, he is incredibly trusting of Aoyama and willing to pardon his strange behavior without a second thought. He likely feels a kinship with Aoyama after their struggles together in the Hero License arc. He, unlike Deku, saw Aoyama’s display of brilliant bravery - and vulnerability - in that moment. He understands more of Aoyama’s true feelings… or at least he thinks he does.

In addition, none of the students know about Present Mic’s (and therefore the other teachers’) suspicion of a traitor within the school. Because of their shared trials together, I don’t think Class 1-A would be so willing to cast doubts on any of their classmates - their friends - unless given irrefutable evidence. (Given what we know about Iida and how he gets when he’s emotional, it’s possible he might take even longer to convince.)

So I think uncovering these truths will take a while to happen. Perhaps Deku will approach Aizawa about it, someone who does know about the traitor theory.

After that though, I don’t think it will be resolved right away. As much as it pains me to say, I think Aoyama’s time in Class 1-A will be coming to an end. Horikoshi did say Shinsou would be getting some major character development soon, right? The fan consensus seems to be that he will replace whoever ends up being the traitor.

But then what happens to our beautiful sparkly boy? Does he hang with the League of Villains? I can’t imagine him getting along with that crowd very well at all. Especially not since he helped fight against them during the training camp to save Tokoyami… it’s possible he’s entirely unrelated to the League and merely working with All for One… who is in solitary confinement. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of him at all, but the only way for AFO to get out is to be broken out with help from someone from the outside. That could end up being Aoyama… somehow.

As far as Aoyama’s relationship with Deku, though… at some point I think he will confide in Deku and share his weaknesses so we can understand his real story and his motivations fully. Whereas Deku worked hard to do his best as a hero even without a quirk, Aoyama clearly has trouble with that, and will try to coast by on the backs of others. He relies on gadgets, and I don’t think he studies for school at all. But at the same time, Deku also understands what it’s like to feel completely hopeless and worthless, and I think he will end up connecting to Aoyama even despite everything, and help him become a better person. Nobody can solve all their problems by punching them in the face, not even All Might, and I think a true future Number One Hero would try to look for a better way.

So, yes, I think Aoyama is the traitor we’ve been looking for… but I don’t think this makes him a bad person. I think the audience is made to feel bad for him. He’s weak, cowardly, and pathetic, but when it comes down to it, he has a heart of gold and has been willing to put himself in danger to save his classmates on multiple occasions. I think anyone would have to be a true evil genius to fake that much, and I really don’t think Aoyama is an evil genius… just being manipulated by one.

All in all, I’m really excited to see where this arc will lead. I’ve loved Aoyama since the beginning and I’m so excited to see more character depth from him, no matter what that means. I could be completely wrong about all of this! (If you see a hole in my argument, feel free to point it out!) So either way, here’s hoping the rest of this arc is something great.

[itsmecessy]

Having You Near Me

Most people say that I shouldn't care much on looking for someone to be with given my young age. But I couldn’t just shrug the thought when most girls in my age are already in a relationship.

It hurts and made me feel so frustrated because every time that I hang up with my squad, my role is just a “third-wheel” and I’m so tired for that role. All of them are holding hands while walking with their boyfriend or girlfriend and as usual I look like their maid following them anywhere they want to go.

By the way, I’m Queencess Quinn Dela Torre, an 18 years old girl living in Olongapo City and currently Grade 12 HUMSS student at Maxwell Prime University . When I was a child I’m just a simple girl staying just on my room watching cartoons and playing indoor games at home, in short I am an “introvert girl when I was a little”. As time passes by, everything has changed about me when I meet my bestfriend Hailey, Hailey Chantal Buenavetura. AsI witnessed her long time ago, I describe her as DORA because she is an explorer girl. She loves exploring something that is new in the present nor traveling.

Well, Everyone knows me as a simple and a minimalist girl before but for some reason, because of I learned to explore and enjoy trends in today’s generation. In this time of pandemic we need to be quarantined not because we are infected but just for our safety. Even though I used to be alone before, I still feel or experience boredom.

For the reason that I was bored, I contact my bff for me to surpass those problems because its killing me.

 “bebs!! I’m bored. I don’t know what to do! I don’t play games thooooo.”

 “besh…. explore, explore, explore!” Hailey said.

 “Ughhh there you go again dora! HAKHAKAHKA.”

 She smirked and said “STOP!! Grrrrr!”

 “HAKAHKAHKA, youre so cute everytime you act like that bebs! Can you just do it one more time?”

 “stop it its not funny!” she said.

 “no more bully… but bebs!! help!! I’m bored!”

 “okay..fine! I use yugo whenever I’m bored”

 “huh? what’s that?”

 “besh, it is an app wherein you can make friends with others.”hailey said while eating.

 “but.. how?”

 “its like a dating but not usually like that. You can swipe left and right too if you want to add someone also you can search if ever you have someone you know that is also using that app. The difference of of the two is you do live stream and watch with your friends there and meet new people in live..uhggg its hard to explain.” hailey said while discussing it hard.

 “owwwww.. thats cool… I’ll try it later!”

 “just explore the app and I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

 “thank you bebs!! you’re the best!!! luvyah dora!”

 “stop calling me dora!!! hays”she smirked again and said “luvyah too.” with disappointment on her face.

 “HAAKAHKAHKHA!! okay fine! Byeeee. Mwuahh”

 “bye besh!”

 At first, I didn’t enjoy the app because I’m not used to it. I’m just a simple girl and if you try to look my phone, the only application that you can see are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Youtube. Yes, I’ve changed and not the girl tat they know before but duh, yubo is not my type. I don’t do live stream and I don’t feel talking to someone I didn’t know.

After a month, I gave yugo a second chance. I patiently explore what is the beauty of that app. I started to watch live streams and unexpectedly enjoy watching those streamers who are enjoying the bond they have. One night, I open up my yugo and started live hopping again to watch different streamers and as time passes I received invitation to stream with them but for some reason, I’m not that confident because I’m shy so I declined. After a week, I still do my yugo routine but this time I accept invitations already and I do live stream already and have friend with everyone.Yugo app helps me to fill up myself whenever I’m bored for so many months.

 There was I time, my junior highshool classmate shakira marie called me and had some talks about life or something. Honestly, that was the beginning of our friendship and we started to talk and have fun during quarantine. Since its been a month since I’m using yugo, I decided to take a rest from using it and continue having fun with kira.

 “kira!”

 “long time no talk!” kira said

 “how are you? I missed you!”

 “well, I’m good and still pretty same as you and I missed you too gurl!”

 “HAKHAKHAAHK”

 “do you know yugo?.” kira asked.

 “yes, I’am!. I have yugo account too!”

 “what a coincidence!” kira said with excitement.

 “let do live stream sometimes!”

 “sure why not!”kira answered.

 After knowing that kira knows about yugo, we have been live streaming for almost five months, we already had a lot of friend in yugo and enjoys streaming every night. For five months, we never missed one day of streaming, everyday and every night we do yugo “routine” sounds fun right?. We’re tripping and having fun whenever someone came and stream with us (sometimes we flirt).

 One day, when kira and I are waiting for our online class while we were streaming, someone raised his hand wanted to live stream with us and his name is King Glean Javier he’s from Infanta, Quezon Provice same as me Grade 12 student taking STEM curriculum. Kira and I had fun with him but for awhile, kira felt so hungry and left us streaming. While king and I are streaming alone and no one is watching, king open up and started to talk about his past.

 “cess, have you been in a relationship?” king asked.

 “why’d you ask?”

 “how long have you been in a relationship?” he asked again

 “okay okay… yes I’ve been in a relationship but it last just for 2 months I think?”

 “why did you guys broke up?”

 “actually my ex and I have never been I a fight, I just let him do what ever he wanted to do but I think did something wrong in that part because I just let him do everything he wants?”

 “but by do you think you’re wrong?”

 “ I’m wrong in the way that I “tolerate” his vices because I let him do what ever he wants to do to the point that I let him forget that he has a girlfriend waiting for his chats. I’ve been too considerate for him even though he doesn't make time for me anymore because I want him to be happy. To be honest, I don’t want him to let him go but I think there’s something wrong”

 “awww, he’s so lucky but he didn’t prioritize you and keep you with love, I understand what your point is. I hope you’re okay now.” king said.

 “how about you? I think you had something you want to say about your past for some reason.”

 “actually I’m broken, I’ve been in a relationship in two years and five months.” he said

 “aww! That’s long, but why does it ends?”

 During this quarantine, were not allowed to roam outside since we are just a minor. One time I chatted her that I am supposed to go on their but suddenly she no, and she is so sorry because she doesn’t love him anymore and she’s with her new man. Even though she refused, I still go to their place and yah we talked to each other and she said sorry to me. But all I can is just to accept and let her go even if it hurts.” king said with mixed emotions.

 “aww, that hurts but we just did our part.”

 “yess! Kira is already here!!” king shouted.

  When kira is already in, after fifteen minutes we decided to end up our live stream because king had to go and prepare for hin onlice class at one o'clock on the after noon and kira and I doesn’t have class that time. Around one thirty pm while I am scrolling at my social medias account, I saw King Glean sent me a friend request and that was an expected things to me and because I know him already, I accepted his request and I unexpectedly received wave message from him and yes, I waved back to him and started a conversation that day.

King told me that he didn’t expect me to accept his request since we just meet online which is on yugo and I told him that “why would I do that if I know you?” also he keeps telling that he is very comfortable with me and just like that and I am fun to be with and that day that we chatted to each other, that was the beginning for to know each other well. As time passes by, we had a lot of talks about our past and he send some picture like family pictures, we do random video calls, updates and were having fun a lot of time.

 King made me feel excited every time that he is sending me a message and calling me every-time, I don’t know what to do but to stop what I am thinking for because there was a time that our topic is about entering again in a relationship again. One day he asked if ever that some will come into my life again, am I ready to be in a relationship again? And I told him yes but I asked that question back to him but hi didn’t answer. Also there was a time that he asked me if he’s attractive and I said “yes, you’re attractive the you are.” also the thing that I felt so excited because of him and he reminded me that he was not simping and he was just showy and clingy person. For some reason, king asked me like if am I “ghoster or not” because some of the other girls did that stupid things to him before and made him felt so bad.

 “queen, I’m not saying this to you just to disappoint you or hurt you haaa, I was just thinking of you ghosting me someday.”

 “uhmmm, its okay that you asked something like that to. But I must to you that majority of those guys or friends who came into my life are the first people who got tired off, not me. I don’t usually have an intentions of doing that stupid thing to someone because I know the feeling of being left behind or ghosted. So why would I do those event to people who are welcome to me but unfortunately, not welcome to them?” I answered.

 “well, I got your point but this time, I want you to know that I will not let you feel what you felt from those people did that stupid case to you, I promise.”

 “ I wanted them to stay but they’re  looking for better person that I am. But you know its not our lost and we deserve better.” I added.

 “yes we are.” he answered

 “ you if I will be given a chance to tell something to those people who left you, I will tell the that “you lost a potential guy” jakahkhaka, bumble be like!

 “how crazy lil silly you are!” he said

 “king, lets just put in our mind that we did our part, they just let their stupidity dominant than being intelligent when it comes from hitting up!” I said.

 “they need seminar from us!” his naughty answer.

 After a week of communication, king suddenly didn’t send good morning because I’ve never missed receiving good-morning message for him and it made me feel sad. Eleven o’clock in the morning kira and I decided to stream and had talk about ourselves. While streaming I saw king watching our live and I started to share something about me while he still watching us.

 “kira you know what, I’m clingy and approachable in person.”

 “of course I know that” kira’s answer.

 “but online, I’m not. I want someone will hit me up not me. I just want the first way of hitting up with someone in an opposite gender. In our culture before, the girls are sitting in pretty white the guys are the one who do the first move” I said.

 Kira answered back, “sisz, at this point in time, we had an different world!, this, the girls are the one who’s doing the first move or the one who’s hitting up first not the guys anymore…. but not all the but most of the time hkahkahah”

 “well, I’m just telling my side thooo, that’s my stupid mindset!”

 “then try hitting up first so you will no gonna bored sisz!” kira said.

 After that conversation with kira, king left and we just continue our talk. After thirty minutes that he had left, king is back and I said hi to him and he replied, “hello my baby”. after that reply, I felt so fluttered and that’s why I don’t know what to say but to laugh. That day I’m still curious why he’s not messaging me and I’m not feeling good that day that is why I post a status at my social media saying “aww, no chat and no good morning for today :(“.

 As I woke up the next day, I felt so happy because he already messaged me and unexpectedly confront about my status.

 “Good-morning baby, char” king’s message.

 “aww, good-morning!” while I felt so fluttered.

 “what was that drama?” he asked

 “what?”

 King sent the screenshot of my status.

 “ahhhhh, don’t mind it thoooo. HAHKAHKA”

 “wait for awhile, my mom calls me to eat and you too” king asked.

 “okie, eat well”

 While king is eating, there’s a lot of thing out of my mind. I’m curious about his moves. He’s too sweet all of a sudden.

 “hello my baby! Char” he said

 “too fast ha.. hkahka”

 “too fast?” he asked

 “too fast to eat…” I answered.

 “ahy, I had the wrong idea.. hakhka”

 “huh? Hkahka”

  At that point, I already knew about what is in his mind. I started to doubt and over-think what will happen next. I had this feelings that I can’t really even explain why am I too nervous or paranoid about something. There was a time that, because of this bad  feelings, I always think about something that made my mind boast.

 I had a lots of “what ifs” in my mind, “what if this guy left me?”, “what if he likes me too but he’s hesitating to tell or open up with me?”, “what if he still love his first love?”, “what if his first came back and left me behind?” ,“ what if we were not having a one sided love?”. but as time passes by, all those “what ifs” that I was scared off  are suddenly happened on its time. Not in a negative way but positive and fluttering.

 King said, “what is this?”, “what are this convos of us?”

 “hala (omg)” I said as I felt my heart aching because of beating so fast.

 “ I’m just asking, we had a lot of random video calls, right?, I always update you about me and you almost know my routine everyday, my errands, even my movements hkaha joke, etc.” he said.

 “uhmmmmm.” speechless me.

 “ for you what are these?” he asked.

 “uhmmm, for me, this was just a typical convos just what like the others doing.” I know you and I know your side thooo.” I answered.

 “but, what do you think you know about me?” he asked

 “well, as far as I know, you don’t have plans to flirt since you’re not yet healed from you past right? You told me that you’re just showing who you are truly, right?” I said.

 “ let’s say that “I’m not yet totally healed from the past”, but for me, I’m okay now. I already accepted the fact that we are not together anymore and we already had clear and good closure.” he said. “ I’m just holding back to open up with you before but since we were just seeing or meeting each other online.” he added.

 “then, what do you mean by that feelings?” I answered. “how cute you are hkakhaa”

   “I LIKE YOU, but the thing is I don’t think that fell the same way as me. Also were long distanced to each other” king said.

 “ wait, is this a prank?” I asked

 “why am I pranking you in this serious conversation?” king said.

  All this time, I told king that, “I thought that it was all one sided”. For the reason that I don’t want hoping for someone and holding on to someone that will never last, I always taught myself not to be stupid in this kind of situations.  Before this time came, I forced myself not to fall for him even though he shows motives about having feelings for me. I forces myself to put in mind that “two broken people will never make whole”. I forced myself not to be “fragile as glass” wherein someone will make me fall and no one will catch me and became just like a broken glass. I’m tired, tired of being left behind or ghosted, and begins from the start just like a cycle of pain, but suddenly my world stopped and I look like a dog, a dog that making face like I did something stupid, sitting on the corner of my room, thinking about ,“should I give a chance for us to flirt and build love for each other  or not?”

 Even though I over-think about him, I always think if how could I I know the answers about certain things that made think badly if I would not give it a try?. Everything has its different outcomes, they may be negative or positive. So what if I give it a try and in result, it will give happiness?

 I said to king, “i understand you concern for me and you, yes were long distanced to each other, but don’t be too sad for it.”

 “ I know that this is fast, but what if the time comes and you’ll the true colors of me? Would you still like me or not?” he said. “I know this isn’t formal, but I like you”. with sad emoji. “and I thingk you’re holding back”. he added.

 “ I want you to know that I’ am not holding back. Honestly, I thought everything was just a one sided “feelings”.  also, one of my weaknesses is attachment and I think I am attached from you.” I said.

 “ therefore, that explains the rant on you facebook status?” he asked.

 “yes, because I’m used to it already. Every I have good-mornings from you but suddenly, in just one changes it feels so bat for me.” I answered with sad emoji.

  “ I just did that because I want to know if you will still chat when I an not messaging you, if you will look for me when I’m not around or online, but as u said in live with kasi, you’re not hitting up yourself and what you want is someone will hit you up on chat.” he said.”

 “ but I messaged you that time!” I said while laughing.

 After this, king told me not to tell kira about us, and as I respect his decision, i promised him that I will not tell kira about us for him. And continue our conversation about the fb post.  

 When king didn’t chat that time, I wasn’t supposing to chat him at night because I don’t know how to start, I don’t have any topics to start with but some of my friend pranked about lazada something. So that was the topic I brought up with him.

 Although, I had this negatinve mindset in my head,  i cant stop thinking about him. King is very different from all those guys that I have met online. He is very genuine, respectful, and an ideal guy for me. He respect me the way he respect his parents as I’ve seen in every video call we had and no words can explain how go he is. I like him just the way he is.

 So as we continue our conversation that day, king told that he was just holding back before but fuck I was too far from him and he cant go here for me.

 “ don’t that I was just holding back before because you’re too far from me and I cant go there for you?” he said

 I said, “don’t you thing that I was just “nagpaparinig” or telling those things for a purpose? But it was true..”

 “I can't be with you and i cant see yo, I can't hug you, I can't smell you and it’s fucking frustrating.” he sadly reply.

 “aww, too cute…hmmm”, “ don’t message me on my second account ha, I want you here in my main.” I said.

 “well, why do you need second account huh?” he asked?

 “ that was long time ago, don’t be too curious.”

 King suddenly became so funny and said, “Im just clingy not horny, HAHAHAHAHA.”

  I replied, “well, that’s good, I’m scared from those who are like that… hkahka”

 I thought when king wasn’t chatting me, that was the end of us but its not. He told that whenever he was not messaging me, he is busy doing something. After telling me about that, we have talked about how long is the traveling hour from here in longapo to infanta and it was too long. As I estimate the hours on how long the travel from olongapo to manila, it was two to three hours away and from infanta to manila, it was three to five hours. Therefore the estimated time from infanta to olongapo, it was too tiring to travel because it will be six to eight hours of traveling.

 Within the day of our conversation, as I said before, king is always flooding me with his pictures. I already have his family pictures, pictures with his classmates and friends, his pictures of a beautiful view when he was resting after long ride of biking, also from being toddler to present. And I was so fluttered about it because the reason why he send his pictures is for me to avoid feeling lonely when I’m alone.

 “i’ll send you my pictures ha, I just wanted you not to feel bad or lonely when you’re alone.”

 “ awww, you’re too cute and sweet..” I replied.

 “well, I’m cute when I was a child but what happened now?”he ranted.

 “you’re still cute until now, you’re cute when you smile, that’s why I felt so fluttered whenever I see your smile..” I said.

 “so you like my smile, you’re turned on whenever I smiled?”

 “yes? Hkahaka” I said.

 “ can I say I love you?” he asked

 “of course! Why not?” I answered.

 “ I love you my queen” he said with emojis showing love

 “ I love you too my king” I replied when feeling so fluttered.

 After a month of getting to know each other well, one of the thing that I have been flattered about him is that, he asked me all of a sudden about “what is my favourite song is?”. And  I told him my favourite song was “having you near me”. When I told him about that, after a minute of time, he called me and I was shocked because as I answered his call, my favourite song is playing on his laptop. And as we were video calling for a month already, he still playing it and lip syncing it for me.

 So for a month of knowing each other, king decided to tell kira about us. And we planned to tell her in live so there’s a lot of fun that will be hold on.

 “babe, lets do live at yugo and tell kira about us.” king said.

 “sure, no problem but how?” I asked.

 “we’ll let think, since sometimes her brain-cells are slow, hkahkaha.” he replied.

 “you’re too harsh babe! Ahakha.” I replied.

 “let’s go then..” he said.

 When we were live streaming with kira, we were just acting like normal. We acted normal until the time comes for us to do what we planned awhile ago. During our stream, I told kira that I have something to tell her but there was a viewer who wants to stream with us and she send an invitation for it and suddenly didn’t hear and asked me what did I said.

 “hi sisz!!!” kira said.

 “hello, king ask if what time are we going to stream and I told him that “right now” I said to kira.

 “hhkahak, hey king is here now!” kira shouted.

 “come up here king!” I said.

 “hello guys!, wazzup? ” king said.

 “hello!” kira and I said.

 “kira, queen had something to tell you.” king said.

 “whatttt!????” I shouted.

 “wait, someone wants to stream with us, let me invite her.” kira said.

 King and I continue to talk like at the same time that’s why its too loud to here.

  “hey, what are you guys up to?” kira asked.

 “nothing thooo, hkahkahka” I answered.

 There was a viewer named “love” and everyone said “sana all love”

 “sana all love” I said.

 “ I love you babe!” king said

 “ luhhh!, are you guys flirting?” kira said!

 “ uhmmmm, yes?” I answered.

 “ now, you knew it already! So we don’t have to think that much about us when it comes to you.. hkahka” king said.

 When kira already knew about us, kira started to asked non stop about us, he aske so many things like how we started to open up to each other and king was the only one who’s answering all those question from kira since he was just the that kira was asking for.

 “omg, king what’s poppin! Char”. kira asked.

 “hkhahka,” king laughed.

 “so, you like her?” asked kira.

 “yes, I like her and I love her” king answered genuinely.

 “sana all!” she shouted. “ but how and why?” kira asked.

 “ I like and love her just the way she and no words can explain how I feel for her” king answered.

 “stop asking, but the only thing that we can say is were both mutual, we like and love each other, hkahkah” I said.

 “okay, fine! Sana all!” kira said.

 “hey king! I just want to remind you ha, don’t make my bb gurl hurt ha or else you’ll be dead from me.” kira’s threat.

 “ of course no!, I know the feelings of being hurt and why would I do those thing to my queen. She deserve to be loved not to be hurt” king answered.

 “so, if you guys needs help, I’m always here for the two of you! I luh yuh” kira’s advice.

 After our stream, king and I talked in facebook chat about the reaction of kira when we already told her about us. We were surprised about her reaction, she shouted and her eyes widened and she flustered about us.

 On the next day, since king told me that they will be having a long ride from five to nine am, I waited for so long for him and flooded him a lot of messages until they came back home and called me even he’s not yet changed. I told him to rest but he resist because he wants me to see and to talk with.

 Since we were running out of topics, I opened up someone who wont stop hitting me up, he’s too cringy and he doesn’t stop calling me baby, love, babe or something and he’s getting into my nerves every time he’s asking me for time even though I’m not that interested to him. Upon knowing all my rants about that guy, king decided to confront him and ask him to keep distance from me. while confronting him, the guy replied a lot of things that not makes sense as we were screen-sharing messenger. He opened a lot of thing like I had a bumble account and king doesn't even care about it because I didn’t use it anymore. After confronting the guy, we hang up our call so we can do thing that we need to do like doing requirements and online class.

 A week after, I visited my yugo. Upon visiting, I saw jess “a gay” streaming with king. King saw me and said hi to me but jess is simpig with him without knowing that king and I had something together. Jess continue flirting while king is resisting from him. I had a lot of trust for him so I don’t get jealous about them. King invites me on their stream and pushing jess to king as making fun and enjoy with them at the same time until king has to leave the stream for the reason that he needs to attend his online class at that day.

 Since king left the stream, jess and I continue to have fun. We did a lot of chika about something. He told me that he likes king but king said he had someone for a month or two months I think.

 “is it true jess? You like him?” I asked.

  “uhmm, yess hkahkaha” jess answered with feeling shy.

 “hakhkahakha” speechless me.

 “ can you help me?” he asked.

 “uhm, hkhaha sure?” I replied.

 While streaming with jess, I messaged king since he’s live hopping that time and told him about what jess said during our conversation but he initiate first. But eventually after a minute of time jess and I ended our live.

 “babe?” king’s messaged

 “i’m live streaming with jess.” I answered.

 “i’m live streaming babe” he said.

 “yes, I saw you online and watching” I replied.

 “ but what are you guys talking about?” he asked.

 “well, jess told me that he has crush on you.” I replied.

 “wait, what!?” he loudly asked.

 “ he said that he’s serious about you.” I replied.

 “he’s just making fun form me, I know his trip thoo, hkahka” he said.

 “ what if it’s true? He’s serious?” I added.

 “ are you jealous?” he asked.

 “no, I’m not, I promise.” I said

 “are you sure, I’m just asking so I know what I need to do.” he replied.

 “i’m not, promise” I answered.

 “ I love you then.!” he said.

 “I love you too, babe!” I repplied.

 An hours after our conversation, jess and I started a live and talk something about his side for king. At first, he just great me like we were close and then he started to ask about king.

 “cess!, how are you?” he joyfully asked.

 “here, doin’ great, hkahka” I said while laughing.

 “so what’s poppin girl?” he asked.

 “nothing much bb!” I answered

 “well, I felt so fluttered because kind said “I love you” awhile ago!” he’s fluttered answer.

 “is that so?, hajhajhja” I said

 “but I don’t take it as an advantage because he said that he had this girl chatting with him for 2 months I think?” he said

 “awww, is that so? I know that he had but I’m not sure thooo.” I replied.

 “do you know her?” he asked.

 “no, I don’t” I said.

 After this convo, king started to watch our live and jess started to flirt at him again but because king is straight and not interested on him, he decided just to go with the flow and make jess feel so fluttered.

 “bb, king is already here!” I said to jess.

 “oh my gosh!, hello baby!” excitedly answered.

 “hkahkahakha” I just laughed at them and watch them.

 While we were streaming, king messaged me and told me everything like how’ he feeling about jess’ trip.

 “ I think that jess is just tripping up with me!” king messaged.

 “ don’t you know what jess told me awhile ago? He said that you made him fluttered by saying “I love you” to him. Hkahkaha” I said.

 “yes, I told him that but in the end, I said char!”.”he’s too naughty thoo, he’s trippin’ me or making fun of me, then I’ll go with the flow.” I added.

 “hkahahakhaa” I just laugh

 “I don’t know if he’s serious or not but I never mind it anymore because for me, you’re my one and only babe.” he said.

 “but babe, lets not tell jess about us ha.” my favor for him.

 “sure, why not!” he said.

 “i just want to know something about him when it comes to, making sure that he will not steal you from me.” I naughty replied at him.

 “what a crazy mind is that my queen? Hahhaa, remember that you’re always be my babe. I love you” he answered.

 “ I love you so much babe!” I replied.

 At this point, I felt so fluttered about him but I’m still streaming so I came back from our live but this time king is not watching anymore. So as king left the stream, jess started to tell chikas about him.

 “bb, I streamed with king awhile ago and I saw that girl he was saying because he did screen-sharing.”

 “ where?” I asked

 “on his instagram bb!” he replied.

 (I got nervous but fighting since we don’t have some proof.)

 “ but bb, I’m not sure because I didn’t recognized her well, and I saw a girl too on his messenger but I don’t thins that’s it too because there are so many chatheads and it’s all groupchats as well.”

 “ahh, okay hkahakha.” I answered.

 “bb, help me ha.” asking favor.

 “yessss, promise..” I responded.

 Jess and I had a lot of chika during live streaming. We had a lot of fun during that time. From all those news that I got from jess, I put in mind that king is not making stupid things as much as cheating because he knows how painful it is. I just prayed to God that I hope king is serious about me and not cheating to another girl. And I just thought that it was just a friend that he was talking with.

 A night during at the same day, kira and I started live streaming again. At first, I critically think if should I tell kira or not about those news I heard from jess. I’m thinking because I know kira, kira is a judgemental person. Kira will say anything that she wanted to tell even without proof but for some reason I told her about it.

 “sisz, I have something to tell you.” I said.

 “what is it ?” she asked.

 “sisz, jess said a while ago in our stream that king have someone in instgram like they were chatting there.” I said.

 “aww, bad new siz!” he answered.

 “hkahka” I just laughed.

 “that’s a red flag siz. Be mindful, stop what you are guys up to!”. she said.

 “no, were not sure about it since we don’t have any proof about it!” I replied.

 At this point in time I got pissed off from kira. She had a lot of thing that she said against king. She misunderstood king and judged him without knowing the truth as well as not having a proof. I got angry on her, she messed up king’s name with other people and the reason that I got into that feeling is because I don’t want someone will be hurt just because of me. Many guys misunderstood king since there was a viewers that time before. I defended king against them but they insist that I should stop being stupid for him in that situation but I keep pointing out to them that “why would I stop without knowing his side”, “ I know what to do, and what I need to do is t seek for the truth and let him explain for his side.”, and “In the end, I don’t want to regret that I didn’t let him explain his side.”

After the argument, king join us streaming without knowing that he was our topic. Even king was in our stream, kira continue to say anything about certain problems connected in my situation. King stay still and and keeping on quiet. Because of the fact that our live title is “RED FLAG”, I think king got the point of it and he left the stream and I panicked about it so I messaged him as soon as possible.

 “babe?” I asked.

 “yes babe?” he asked.

 “why’d you left?” I asked.

 (messenger’s ringing, he called)

 “babe, why’d you left?” I asked?

 “ I just left because I can’t understand what are you guys up to.”

 “ but babe, is it true that you had someone on IG?” I asked?

 “what?, who said those things to you?, is that the reason why “red lfag” is the title of your live?” he asked like he’s stressed out.

 “i must say yes?, I don’t believe jess about it thooo.” I said.

 “if that so?, let me show you the dm section for clarification.”

 (king showed me his dm section and messenger through screen sharing)

 “see?, I don’t have another girl. The girl in my instagram is my yugo friend, the reason why I’m chatting with her is that I’m asking her if what time they are going to live.” he said.

 “well, don’t be too stressed out about that. I trust you babe. So have a good vibes..” I said to him.

 “i’ll hang up this call, go to your live and vibe with them” he said like he’s hurt.

 ��don’t mind it anymore babe, just put in your mind that I trust you.” I said before he hanged up.

  “okay” he said.

 After the call, king messaged me saying “I love you” and I answered back to him “I love you too”. I cheered him up by telling him that I have trust on him that why I keep fighting for him.

 “how could you trust me? Why are you keep saying that you had trust on me, thooo were just talking on yugo and online?” he asked.

 “why?, you don’t want me to have trust on you?” I asked him back.

 “it’s up to you” he replied.

 “well, I’ll trust you anyways that I want.” I said.

 King said,“we still cant be on an intimate love.”, “were not meeting in person, we two are just hoping, and this is just a “HOPE”. it will be a long time for us to reach or pursue this kind of intimate love.”  

 “it will never be intimate if you would not give it a try, right?” I answered.

 “i just don’t want you to be hurt” he said.

 “why? Do you have plan to left me and find some other girls near to you? You don’t trust me or not?” I asked.

 “ughhh! Fuck, this is so hard to explain.” “ how could this type of our situation work?” he’s frustrating asked for me.

 “it will never work if we will not try it king.” I said.

 “so you’ll take risk, even though its an online relationship?” he asked

 “i’m ready to take risk tho, but I don’t know if you’re ready too.” I said.

 “ I want it too, but I’m too coward for this because I don’t want to cause you pain” he replied.

 “it will work if the both of us will fight together” I said.

 “ just let the time work, lets wait for the right time for us, okay?, I’m just here.” he said.

 “ I LOVE YOU” he added

 I replied, “ I LOVE YOU TOO”.

 After this conversation, I almost cry because I overthink and I overthink about what will happen the next. I had a lot of what ifs again like, “what if one day he will not chat me anymore?”, “what if he left me hangging?”, “what if he’s restraining himself for us to have an intimate love?”, “what if someday he will tell me for us to stop?”. That night I felt so unwell, I felt so empty and that time, I loose appetite to stream in yugo but after thirty minutes, That point in time, I must say that, that was the worst night that I had in my life. My what ifs that I was scared off suddenly happened on its wrong timing. My world crumbled and the only thing that I can do is to cry secretly. Not as being an exaggerated person but I asked God why did this thing happened to me?. king was the only one who made me feel that I deserve to be respected, I deserve to be love, and I’m worth it just I am. I thought he’s the one, the one that will never leave me behind.

 (king messaged me)

 “babe?” he asked

 “yes?” I respond.

 “why did you fell for me?, we don’t have label but we’re calling each other “babe” and saying “I love you” back to each others?” he asked.”I’m just clearing things up tho,”

 “I fell for you because you’re different from all those guys that I met before.” I answered.

 “ like how?” his ask.

 “i like you just the way you are. Because of you, I felt so excited to wake up in the morning, and no words can explain how different you are” I answered.

 “ cess, we don’t have label right?” he asked

 (at this point, I got very nervous, he called me cess already, there so many things came up in my mind and I don’t even know what to do.)

 “yes” I said.

 “can we stop this for a while?” he asked.

 “but why?” I asked him back.

 “ I’m having a hard time because of this, I’m studying and I’m worried if someday I cant be able to make you happy, I cant be able to update you, I cant be able to talk with you and I cant be able to make you smile” he said.

 “what if I’m not willing to stop of what we have for so long?” I asked. “ I understood your point, were both student here and all we can do is to go with the flow and sorry if kira misunderstood you before.” I added.

 After that, king called me and explain his side, he told me to stop the things that we are up to and be friends this time. He told me that he will never change, the king that I know before will be the king until the end. He’s too sorry for me, he told me that if there is something wrong about us is that could be him. I don’t need to blame myself about us because it’s all in him. He love me but the distance woke us up to reality that it will be hard for us to enter in a relationship that we were up to. In that point, I don’t know what to do but to cry and accept his decisions.

 “cess,please don’t cry anymore” his message.

 “i’m okay, thank you” I replied. “ but agai, sorry for messing up your name. I ‘am also wrong to let my feelings brought me up on what we are before.” I added.

 “it’s okay, we cant really control our emotions and again, I’m sorry” he replied.

 “yes, masakit pero ayos lang (it hurts but it’s fine)” I said.

 “i’ am really sorry, it’s all my fault” he replied.

 “ thank you for everything, for making me feel that I’m worth it to love and to have.” I said.

 “ you’re worth it, but you’re not meant for me” he said.

 “thank you king.” I replied

 And king answered, “thank you queen”.

 After our conversation, I visited my yugo and I saw jess streaming. I watched and I was invited to his live. Even though I’m still crying that time, I accepted his invitation and act like I had flu but behind that, I was still crying for what happened for awhile. Since jess and I used to talk about king, he asked me again and I answered it all.

 “bb, do you know the girls now? The girl that king talks about?” his ask.

 “uhhmm, why do you keep aking me about her?” I asked him.

 “well, I’m just curious” he said.

 “honestly, I was the girl who you wanted to know!” I answered.

 “omg, is it true? I’m sorry” he said. “how are you guys tho?” he added.

 “actually, we just ended up what we are before I stream with you. And the reason that I have runny nose it is because I’m still crying right now.” I replied

 “what was the reason?” he asked.

 “honestly because of what you’ve said before, I told kira that king has someone on his IG and she started to make assumptions against king, tho I’m not believing on that thing since I don’t have proof about it. And I think the reason why he did that decision is because he felt so down about what din kira said before” I said.

 “omg, I felt so bad for that. I think its all my fault. In our place, they always call me a relationship wrecker because I’m always messing up relationships. Today, I have I messed up three relationship. Sorry, its all my fault.” he said.

 “don’t be sorry, its not your faulth bb.” I said.

 “ I know how king loves you, he’s always sharing something good about you. He’s always flexing you cess.” he said

 “i felt that love from him jess, but I think he downgrade himself and brought himself into that decision” I replied

 “ it’s okay not to be okay bb, everythinh will be alright.” he’s cheering me up.

 “i met a lot of guys before but he’s the only one who made me feel like this, I will wait for him. I’ll wait for one week and will not entertain some other guys and if king didn’t message me within a week, I’ll let him go.

 Jess replied, “I’ll support you in any ways, I’m just here for you.”

  On the next day, I felt so empty, I don’t have appetite to attend online classes, I just wanted to sleep all day and that feeling was what I felt for a couple of days. The people that I am with in our home keep asking me “what happened to me”, I am acting different for a couple of days, and I became quiet and I just want to be alone. Because of the fact that I am broken, I brought up myself into this situation. Since I don’t know what to do, I keep on crying all day and open up from some of my friends on yugo. I did not entertain kira for three days but as a friend I forgave her.

 As time passes by, I’m still broken. I always posted a lot of “hugot” message for him, I shared posts related to my situation and how I felt since he left me, I always post memes for a purpose and all of those are for him, but as I’ve said, time passes by and the most awaited time for a couple of days just happen on its perfect timing.

 One day, on the afternoon, I was just scrolling at my social medias and unexpectedly king sent me a picture saying that “ thank you sun for the warmth, thank you clouds for the shade, and You, thank you for existing.” my heart aches because it beats so fast, I felt so fluttered about that and I rashly forward it back to him.

   After this event, everything has returned. We begin right from the start but at this point in time, we put God in the center of our relationship until he grant us the grace and time for us to meet after waiting for so long and suffer long distance relationship. Now, we are the characters of our on story, no supreme beings, no power, no fairy, and sailing on a huge sea while putting in our mind that our relationship is not like a book or a movie anymore that runs fast as flash and began and started to last.

[notarelationship]

Clinging to This Hating Game 5/7

For the @prompt-a-klainefic blog’s 2017 Reverse Bang

Link to the art by @datshitrandom

the prompt:

Kurt and Blaine couldn’t stand each other in high school, maybe one was a jock/cheerleader and the other a nerd/glee clubber. Or they were bitter rivals for competition solos if they were both in glee club. Now they both live in NY and their friends set them up on a blind date, not knowing they went to the same high school.

High School AU, Cheerio!Kurt, Jock!Blaine Rating: Explicit Warnings:  some bullying and homophobic language, teenage sex Word Count: ~3900 (this chapter)

Everything wonky is my fault.

AO3 link Chapter 5

On tumblr: Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3, Ch 4

Well.

After a slap fight with my beta that turned into full on mud-wrestling, this one very long chapter has been turned into two. The good news is that the second half will post no later than Sunday, and possibly earlier.

Forever thanks to @mshoneysucklepink for the beta. And the slap-fight.

-

Chapter 5

Kurt had always expected that by the time he reached his final semester of high school the pressure that he’d felt for four years would have fizzled out. The pressure he’d put on himself to be better, to rise above everyone’s expectations, the pressure to get everything right all the time, to take away any ammunition that could be used against him.

After all, his college applications were in, he’d sent out his audition videos (except NYADA, of course, they would require an in-person audition) and he was still in the lead for valedictorian. That should mean he should be able to coast through one semester.

It didn’t.

The glee club had a real chance of winning nationals this year, but they had to get through regionals first, and spring cheer competitions were going to start up in March and Coach Sue wouldn’t accept anything less than a first place finish. On top of that, there was no way he was going to let Blaine the Usurper take his valedictorian crown. He might be smart, and a little hot, but he was also the enemy, And he was a transfer student for pete’s sake.

So when school started back up after the holidays Kurt was outside the guidance counselor’s office checking the rankings. Kurt was still at the top of the class with a 4.21 GPA.

Blaine, however, had overtaken Harriet Gomez, and was now in second place behind Kurt. With a 4.13 GPA Blaine was poised to take the lead any time Kurt stumbled. He couldn’t let it happen. Kurt examined the rest of the standings, to make sure there weren’t any likely dark horse threats (there weren’t).

“Kurt, I’m so happy I found you.” It was Rachel.

Kurt sighed and turned to look at her. “It’s a Monday Rachel, where else would I be?”

She kept going without acknowledging his obviously rhetorical question.

“Blaine and I both received our invitations to audition for NYADA on Saturday and I thought we should all discuss carpooling together since they are holding them for all invitees on the Ohio State campus in Columbus and it just makes sense for all of us to go together.” Kurt barely heard what she said after “invitations.”

He turned away. “I didn’t get one.”

It was distressing. It was unheard of that they would audition three students from the same program and his chances had materially diminished when Blaine arrived. He had to face the fact that an audition appointment might not come at all. “I guess you’re on your own.”

“What? That’s ridiculous Kurt, you have very unique talents, and I’m sure that when the dean of admissions hears you they’ll -”

“Stop Rachel. Please.” Kurt tried not to glare, but her whole demeanor was provoking him. “I’ll let you know if an invite comes. If not you two crooners are on your own.” Kurt spun and walked away from her and toward his next class.

“I am not a crooner, Kurt!” He didn’t have to turn around to know she was stomping her foot.

-

Kurt managed to slip into his chair in home room with plenty of time to spare. Quinn was already there, Cheerios uniform on.

“Did you have a nice trip to Chicago with your parents?” Kurt asked her.

Quinn huffed a frown. “Delightful. My father found out I’ve been seeing Puckerman again and took away the keys to my car.”

Kurt’s eyes went wide, and he was about to disparage Mr. Fabray with the full muscle of his well-honed snark, but Blaine came rushing into the classroom just as the bell rang. Kurt’s eyes stayed wide.

In the months since football season ended Kurt had noticed a subtle change in Blaine’s personal style. (He hadn’t been looking, it had just been so obvious.) His jeans had become more well fitted (okay, tighter), the McKinley football t-shirts had been replaced with crisp polo shirts (that may have pulled teasingly across his shoulders. No - wait). The trendy sneakers had been replaced by top siders and loafers. The tidy curls were being tamed by some actual hair product.

But today, the first day of the last semester of high school, Blaine Anderson was wearing snug raspberry colored chinos, a vertically striped polo with a bow tie and two-tone oxford shoes that matched colors of the stripes on his shirt. Kurt had to bite his tongue to keep his jaw from dropping as he watched Blaine take the open seat at the front of the class.

“See something you like?” Quinn whispered.

Kurt hoped his feigned recoil was convincing; he did not need this from Quinn. “Good lord no. I was just wondering what kind of monster would pair that shirt with those pants.” Kurt shook his head. Obviously one with a ridiculously tiny waist. How had he never noticed that before?

On top of that, the glee club still had regionals to prepare for, and unlike their sectionals competition there was nothing like the musical to distract half of the group from wanting a lead. When Kurt arrived to class at the end of the day Mr. Schuester was already trying to reign them in.

“Okay guys, we need to decide on a theme for our performance before we start song selection. Who has something they’d like to suggest?”

Blaine raised his hand. “It’s near Valentine’s Day, we could do love songs.”

A few of the girls responded with positive noises, but overall no one really liked that idea. Kurt didn’t think it was so bad.

“That’s lame,” Puck said, voicing the more popular reaction. “Unless you had some dude you wanted to serenade. Then we’d totally have your back, man.”

Blaine turned to look at Puck, eyes wide in horror. “No. No, that’s not something I think I would want your help with.”

Puck shrugged. “Your loss bro.”

-

It turned out that this year regionals was taking place at Dalton Academy, Blaine’s former high school. Kurt thought it was funny that they had never competed against Dalton before, but here they were going up against them for the first time, after Blaine had transferred to McKinley. It was probably a coincidence.

When they pulled up in their bus the first thing they saw was a giant banner stating “Welcome 2013 Midwest Regionals Finalists: McKinley High School New Directions and the Western Illinois Prep Spinal Chords!” They were led to a tidy room full of soft furniture and dark wood. It had a minimum of refreshments; bottled water and some snacks were laid out along a sideboard. It was pretty nice.

“You went to school here, Hobbit?” Santana asked, flopping down on one of the oversized couches.

Blaine grimaced, but Kurt couldn’t tell if it was because of Santana’s question, or because she put her feet up on the arm of the couch.

“I did,” Blaine answered. “Right up until the beginning of this year.”

Kurt thought about what Blaine had told him months before, about Dalton’s glee club - that they weren’t good enough to get Blaine a scholarship, and he wondered how much competition they would actually be. Blaine had been confident during rehearsals, practically assuring everyone that while the Warblers were good, they weren’t quite up to what Blaine had seen from the New Directions this year. But Kurt knew that competitions were never as simple as just talent.

Mr. Schuester came and gathered the boys, leading them to the lounge that was serving as their changing area, while the girls changed in their waiting room. Kurt and Blaine were the last two dressed, and on the way back they passed a group of boys in navy school uniforms, looking like entitled rich kids. Kurt assumed these boys were Warblers.

“Hey killer, why don’t you return my calls?” Kurt stopped to look at the speaker, and to see who he was talking to. Blaine’s face had turned red and he turned to face the boy, who was skinny and had too much hair. “At least public school hasn’t ruined that fine ass.”

“Oh my god, Sebastian.” Blaine’s eyes went wide, and Kurt stopped, arms crossing over his chest. He wasn’t sure if he should stay with Blaine or leave. They weren’t friends but he was willing to stand up for him. For McKinley pride if nothing else.

Sebastian was eyeing Kurt. “I don’t know why you left if this is the best public school has to offer, I mean he’s not even - ”

Kurt took a step forward, he might not look like much, but he had the upper body strength of someone who threw humans into the air on a regular basis. Blaine stepped in front of him, putting a hand on Kurt’s arm as if to stop him from whatever he was going to do.

“Hey, guys, come on.” Finn came walking toward them. “We need to get ready.”

Sebastian laughed, glancing at all of them. “Maybe I’ll see you later, Blaine.”

“I - no. You won’t.” Blaine turned, pulling Kurt by the elbow toward Finn. Kurt was shocked enough by Blaine grabbing him that it took him a minute to form a retort.

“Not on good terms with your ex?”

Blaine looked at him, mouth open. “He’s not, it wasn’t like that. He’s not an ex.”

Kurt turned to watch Sebastian walk the opposite way down the hall. “Well if you’re still dating him you might want to take a good look at your relationship, because that guy - ”

“I’m not dating him, Kurt. He wasn’t my boyfriend.”

“Then what was he - ” They got to the door before he could finish his questions, and Blaine shot him a look that clearly said stop talking. Kurt stopped. He wasn’t even sure why he was pushing it. It was none of his business if this boy was Blaine’s ex boyfriend. None at all. He followed Blaine into their waiting area and joined the rest of the group getting ready for the performance.

They easily beat the competition with an inspired selection of Michael Jackson songs. Blaine’s lead on “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” had the entire auditorium on their feet, cheering and dancing, and they even flawlessly managed a costume change for the big finale. When the judge announced them as the winner they all jumped and hugged and cheered, just as they always did. Kurt was high-fiving and hugging randomly; Santana, Quinn, Brittany, and even Rachel threw themselves into his arms.

Kurt turned around in the crowd as they celebrated, and found himself wrapped in Blaine’s arms. Kurt returned the gesture before he even realized it was happening and he could feel Blaine sag into his body, as if he forgot where he was and who he was with, before quickly giving Kurt a squeeze and releasing him to move on to the next person.

Kurt stared at the back of Blaine’s head for a moment, but was snapped back into the moment by FInn’s arm around his shoulder. Kurt shook it off, it didn’t mean anything.

Once they had all made it back to the bus for the ride back to Lima, Kurt let himself think about what had happened. He convinced himself it was nothing, they were teammates and they had won a competition, and even if they were favorites to win it was still nice to be recognized. So they hugged. He hugged all of his teammates after a win.

WHen Kurt climbed on the bus he found Quinn and Puck had managed to claim the last row, with Brit and Santana in the row in front of them. The other glee couples had also paired off and overhead lights were snapping off even as he walked down the aisle. Kurt wasn't entirely sure that he'd enjoy making out with someone while listening to other couples make out too.

“That's all vaguely repulsive,” Kurt said, taking the empty seat next to Mercedes.

“Do not tell me that if you had someone to make out with on this miserable ride that you'd be sitting here next to me.”

Kurt laughed. “Maybe, but that's never going to happen in this crowd.” Kurt hadn't noticed Blaine sitting across the aisle, one row in front of him and Mercedes. Blaine turned around as Kurt spoke, staring at him just a second too long.

Kurt wasn’t really in the mood for a confrontation, so he just looked away without trying to start anything. He could find plenty to talk to Mercedes about on the trip home.

-

To Kurt’s relief, his invitation to audition for NYADA had arrived not long after Rachel had accosted him in the hall on the first day of the semester, and just a week after regionals he wound up driving a very chatty Rachel and a much less chatty Blaine to Columbus so they could sing for their prospective futures.

Kurt insisted they stop for coffee before they got on the road, to which Blaine had eagerly agreed. Rachel ordered tea with honey, causing Kurt to pause a little when he looked at his morning mocha as he picked it up from the counter. Blaine caught him hesitating.

“Change your mind?” Blaine took a long sip from his own coffee, waiting for Kurt to respond. He really didn’t need Blaine judging him for his coffee order. Or for drinking coffee at all. But Blaine was also drinking coffee.

Kurt frowned. “No. I want my coffee.” He looked at Rachel arguing with the barista about wanting to look at what type of honey she was going to be putting into her tea. Blaine turned to see what Kurt was looking at.

“Ah. Has coffee ever affected your vocal performance in the past?” Kurt shook his head. “What are you drinking?”

“Non-fat mocha,” Kurt answered.

Blaine scrunched up his face. “Well the dairy’s not the best idea, but it’s probably not enough to really do any damage,” Blaine assured him.

Rachel finally finished directing her tea to her specifications and joined them, beaming. “Are we ready?”

Once they were on the road they were all relatively quiet. Rachel wanted to save her voice for the auditions, and Kurt didn’t have all that much to say to either of them, if he was being honest. Blaine dozed in the back seat most of the way.

-

“I cannot believe I choked!” Rachel wailed in the passenger seat.

“You didn’t really choke, Rachel. You got through it all eventually,” Blaine tried to reassure her, his voice calmly irritating.

Kurt had been stunned when Rachel had forgotten the words to “Don’t Rain On My Parade” just a few bars in, but it had taken him a few minutes to realize what was happening.

The NYADA representative had called them all into the auditorium together, and Blaine had gone first, doing “Something’s Coming” from West Side Story. At first Kurt thought it had been a safe choice, a musical theater staple that they must hear 50 times a year at auditions, and he was underwhelmed. He thought Blaine could do better.

But Blaine was just so charismatic, despite all of his other very irritating qualities (like how could he be so patient with Rachel? She was one of the most annoying people Kurt had to deal with on a regular basis. And that was saying a lot considering how annoying Kurt found most people), that he was swept up in his performance.

Kurt had had to convince himself that he really couldn’t be blamed for finding Blaine attractive, as a performer of course. And Blaine was gay, so he technically wouldn’t mind another guy finding him attractive, right? He had seen Blaine nearly naked, after all, and Blaine hadn’t minded at all at the time. He didn’t really have to like him to find him attractive.

So yeah, Blaine had really killed his NYADA audition, and been entirely dreamy doing it.

That’s why Kurt could be entirely forgiven for not noticing Rachel getting herself into trouble right away. But he did notice when she forgot her lyrics a second time, after she was allowed to restart. Rachel had been singing the song since she was two years old, if her own claims were to be believed. The NYADA rep let her take a 60 second break and a sip of water, and she finally did get all the way through it, but she was clearly shaken at the beginning.

“What if I don’t get in? Where will I go to school? How will I get to New York and conquer Broadway?” Blaine was spending a lot of time trying to console her from the back seat. “I had planned to win a Tony by the time I was twenty-four Blaine!” She was practically shrieking.

“Where else did you apply Rachel? You're very talented and I'm sure there is a program that will work out.”

Rachel twisted in her seat so she could talk to Blaine directly, thank god. Kurt didn’t need to be involved in this.

“Nowhere else, Blaine. NYADA is the best place for me and it's the only place I'll accept.”

“Oh, wow, well in that case I hope it all works out.” Blaine mumbled a few more reassurances, but Kurt tried not to listen.

In fact, Kurt tried to ignore all of Rachel’s dramatic fussing. He had his own performance and acceptance to worry about.

Wanting to go with something unexpected and leave an impression, Kurt had performed “Not the Boy Next Door,” complete with gold lame pants and ass wiggling for his audition. It had seemed to go over well, but it was a risky choice and there was really no telling how it would fare against the more traditional auditions as they went through all of the applicants once the audition portion was over.

“That was an impressive audition, Kurt,” Blaine said, when Rachel was taking a break from predicting the tragic loss of her future career. Kurt glanced in the rearview mirror - Blaine's eyes were wide and he was focused on Kurt's reflection.

Kurt shrugged. “I was pretty confident going in, but now I'm having second thoughts. It's not an obvious choice. You were good.”

“No, that's why it was so great. Inspired, even.” Blaine was nodding, not taking his eyes off Kurt. Kurt smiled a thanks. “And thank you. I felt good.” Kurt could see him smile in the rear view mirror. It wasn’t the big, light up his face smile he usually offered people, though. This one was smaller. More personal. Kurt had to look away. It’s a good thing he was driving.

Eventually Rachel dozed off, but he and Blaine never really managed to strike up much of a conversation after that. Even so, every time Kurt looked in the rear view mirror he saw Blaine watching him. He always averted his eyes when Kurt caught him.

-

After Kurt dropped Blaine and Rachel off at their houses, he turned the music off to think. He didn’t need to complicate anything about his life right now, and thoughts about Blaine Anderson were not helping. He was less than four months from getting out of Ohio in one more or less sane piece and he did not need some cute guy to charm his way into his life. Where had he been three years ago?

He was supposed to have been a one night stand, for god’s sake.

By the time Kurt got home, dinner was over, so he took an apple up to his room, promising to come back down after a shower and eat more if he was hungry. Right now it wasn’t his stomach that was talking to him.

Kurt stripped, eating his apple in four bites. Leaving the core on his bedside table to deal with later, he stepped into his bathroom (he had insisted when his dad married Carole that he had to have his own bathroom. It was the only demand he made), turning on the shower until it ran warm and steamy, but not scalding.

In the privacy of his own shower, he closed his eyes and could easily see the expression on Blaine's face that night as he undid the buttons on Kurt’s shirt, feel the phantom memory of Blaine's barely there stubble against his cheek and chest. He could see the look on Blaine’s face, hear the tiny, thrilling gasp as he came.

Kurt sucked in a breath, bracing one hand against the tile wall of his shower, and wrapping the other around his cock.

-

The next week was tense for Kurt. His feelings about Blaine were confusing him, and he didn’t really want to unpack any of them. Avoidance was so much easier. He had decided over the weekend that there wasn’t time to know someone, and that was what Kurt wanted. He wanted more than the physical contact (although he definitely wanted that too). Blaine Anderson had fogged up enough of his thoughts.

By Thursday he was ready to break. Some of his classmates had started receiving college acceptance letters, and he had seen on the NYADA boards that they expected letters would go out this week. He didn’t know how accurate it was, but every day waiting he felt more brittle.

Kurt was sitting in the choir room, counting down the minutes until class started (and then he planned to count down the minutes until class ended) when Rachel came bursting into the classroom.

“Blaine! Kurt! Blaine!” She was waving a piece of paper in front of her and his heart sank. “They’re here!! I got in! Did you get your letters yet?” Her eyes were going in four directions at once. She looked like a maniac. “My dad got the mail and drove it right over during last period. Has anyone called you? Did your mail come yet?”

“Chill out Rachel,” Finn stopped her, patting her on the shoulder as he moved past her to sit down. Kurt knew Finn wasn’t that happy about Rachel moving to New York, because he wasn’t going to go with her. “I’m sure they’ll find out when they get home.”

Kurt barely knew what they did in class that day, running out without talking to anyone and driving straight home. He’d have time to get back for Cheerio practice.

He knew there wouldn’t be anyone home to get the mail, so when he pulled into the driveway he jumped out of the car, leaving it running in the driveway as jumped over the four steps and landed on the porch.

“Bill, bill, LL Bean catalog - you don’t need any more flannel for god’s sake dad,” Kurt ran down the mail out loud, looking for the envelope that would change his life. “New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. This is a small envelope.” Shit. He ripped it open.

Dear Mr. Hummel,

Thank you for your interest in the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. Unfortunately, while your audition showed promise of the kind we might normally be interested in, we had quite a number of talented applicants this year, and you simply did not make the final cut.

While we do not anticipate having a wait list for the upcoming semester, if you would like to reapply and audition again for the spring semester we would welcome the interest. NYADA often accepts students in the spring semester, as it is a competitive program.

Best wishes and good luck in your academic and career pursuits.

Sincerely,

Carmen Tibideaux

NYADA Admissions

Kurt tried not to cry, he really did.

When he was done feeling awful he texted Quinn.

Tell Coach I’m sick. Vomit everywhere. I’ll make it up next week.

Are you sick?

Yeah. Of everything.

[melodramamademydreamscometrue]

THE STORY OF HOW MELODRAMA MADE MY DREAMS COME TRUE: a timeline by Tyler Luke

lemme tell you a story real quick...

warning: i am not a new york times writer. These words were haphazardly self revised. please bear with me

prologue

new years day, 2017

I began 2017 chilling in the hot tub with one of my close friends; otherwise known as Bryce Hedman. Pretty sure we were faded off something. We both come from humble beginnings and live a rather modest lifestyle. Anyways we were scheming for what the year had to offer. "2017 is the year to be a fucking savage" was the quote to live by. We made a deal that we would meet someone famous. (please do keep in mind that we live in Ledyard, Connecticut with a population of 15,000 & it’s greatest achievement is that it is close to the casinos foxwoods and mohegan sun). my choice was my all time favorite artist: Lorde. Bryce’s choice has, to this day, been unnamed. He ended up laughing at me when I confidently said I’d meet Lorde by the end of 2017.  I’ve been trying to talk with her for years now, and 2017 would be the year (I hoped).

january, 2017

It’s mid-January now and I randomly got a call from the UK. It was an artist that was associated with Skepta and the new age grime movement of the UK. he was inquiring about the purchase of some of the sweaters i designed (most notably seen on rejjie snow and ratking). this seemed like some sort of degree of separation to my goal. How though, I wasn’t sure.  At this point another close friend, Joaquin Lopez-Watson, was informed on my 2017 aspirations (and was doubtful). Around this time, the governors ball list was released. I saw Lorde and Skepta were performing governors ball... interesting coincidence. However, i got too confident with myself. The Skepta plan fell through the cracks when i fell out of contact with the guy who called me because my cellular plan does not send or receive anything international. Looking back, I don’t even see how this plan would have been successful. I was just wilding out in my fantasies. Anyways, January progressed. i was watching a lot of twin peaks and painting in my room. Eventually, me and my long-time girlfriend, Carly, began to realize that our lives were growing apart and decided to go on a break. That led to a series of personal changes and a throbbing depression. I was in a slump. This led to long drives playing pure heroine (especially buzzcut season) as a meditative tactic. I ended up visiting Bryce at school with Joaquin for a night of debauchery. Keep in mind, Bryce is on the track team and they had practice the next morning. So, Joaquin and i ended up getting belligerently wasted to the point where we demanded to play twin peaks despite the fact that Bryce's team was studying a marathon. There are two New Zealanders on Bryce's team: Cam and Holly. I pressed them for information regarding if they know Lorde or anyone who has contact to Lorde. Cam took a pic with Eliza McCartney once and got rejected after giving her his number. Holly’s family owns an ice cream shop called “Lick This” in Napier. To all the New Zealander’s reading this… i recommend it solely off of fact that i find the name funny (I've never had the ice cream, I’m sure it’s good). Then I went home, and then went back to my university in Bristol, Rhode Island a few days later.

february, 2017

The break with Carly ended; however, there was still some disconnection. We were approaching a difficult time with the long distance relationship lifestyle. We both got accepted to study abroad at different times and Carly is working at Yellowstone National Park for the Summer. Most of our days are spent apart considering the fact that we were hundreds of miles apart. We spent our last valentine’s day together and then called it quits in the car outside of my dorm. That coined the first time we didn’t talk for nearly 4 years (we started dating when royals blew up for all the Lorde fans reading this). Carly was the one who actually showed me Royals when it first became popular. It was rough for a few weeks; however, it was definitely the right thing to do. I had a hard time through balancing mental health coupled with the overload of school work. I began to have mild mental breakdowns from here to there which was fueled by depression and anxiety. Lorde was ghost for quite sometime in between. Coincidentally, about two weeks after we broke up, she stealthily teased towards a new song. The hype was real. At this time, I kept my Lorde fandom limited to a few tweets here and there as well as a poster on my dorm room wall from the Pure Heroine vinyl insert. I found out that a fellow colleague, Mike Jarmon, was a fan of her. My roommate, Mackenzie, was also quite the fan of her. We would randomly comment on Lorde photos saying “ELLA I’M IN NYC LET’S CHILL” in reference to one time we saw rejjie snow comment that on a picture. Anyways, back to the release of the new single. We were all intrigued. I even got back into contact with Carly for strictly discussing the new song. At the time, the website was titled M********. Late nights in the design studio at school were greeted with incessant lorde reddit perusal for the sake of further deciphering the messages. There was a lot of speculation (such as the name of Frida Kahlo’s birth name: Magdalena) as to what the cryptic messages meant, but no definite answers.

march, 2017

It rolled around to Friday and I was in class with Mike and Mackenzie when the song was released. We played it mid class and danced; the professor wasn’t pleased. We still ended up playing it for the whole class which was followed by going back to the dorm for the mid afternoon nap, and falling asleep to it. Green light was that song to listen to; a story of heartbreak and waiting for things to be okay: quite relevant to my situation. The release of Green Light eventually led to the announcement of the album title, then another single, then an album drop date (I think I have that order correct). I went on spring break in mid-march. I went on a short vacation with Bryce and his track team down to Delaware where we chilled for a week. The two New Zealanders mentioned before were there. We all ended up acoustically singing Lorde songs after dinner once (after consuming a few drinks as well).

two month hiatus of stagnancy, depression, and loneliness

mid april, 2017

Kendrick’s album dropped and it was nearing the time of coachella where Kendrick and Lorde, my two favorite artists, will be headlining. Due to living all the way across the nation, I had to live stream it from my computer in my dorm room. The stream was incredible, Lorde was a superstar. She performed a few new songs which were riveting and detailed and powerful. She was doing her thing in front of over a hundred thousand people. I remember discussing with my friends that it must be an unreal feeling to be in the crowd when an artist brings out a new song. Being the first to hear something in the world, that’s uncanny to think about. There’s around 7 billion people in the world, and you are ahead of everyone else; you’re at the forefront; the highest percentile. Insane. No one can take that away from you… you’re the first. That night, I had a vivid dream that I was invited to hear some exclusive content from Lorde. It was one of those dreams that you wake up pissed off because it’s just a dream. Anyways, May came around and more buzz around the album was beginning to arise. But this was a different kind of buzz. I had to throw that pun in real quick before the transition.

real shit unfolds

june 13, 2017; 8:45 pm

I unexpectedly woke up at 8:45 am. I say unexpectedly because in summer break, there isn’t a day that I wake up before noon (unless I had work). A few minutes after waking up, I get a tweet notification from Lorde. The tweet read,

“NYC... 9pm tonight i wanna do something with u. super intimate capacity — 18+ — first 45 to email melodramalistening@gmail.com” - @lorde 

I IMMEDIATELY emailed. This was the chance. This was it. The day progressed and I drove around Watch Hill, Rhode Island to catch up on some music while gazing at all the mansions the peninsula has to offer. I was driving, listening to music, looking at mansions, and avidly checking my email for a response.

june 13, 2017; 4:00 pm

4:00 pm rolled around and I had to go to work. I work at a local pizza shop in Mystic, Connecticut called ‘184 Pizzeria.’ I was in contact with Mike Jarmon because, he too, entered the melodrama email contest. He checked his mail, and behold, he was within the first 45 people and secured a spot. Unfortunately, he couldn’t make it out to the city that night. So… he sent in my name and information. I FELT LIKE CHARLIE WHEN HE FOUND THE GOLDEN TICKET. I then had to finesse my way out of work. I told my boss that I had a dream to fulfill and ended up just leaving mid shift after completing the final order of the night. I raced home to tell my mom that I was going to New York City. She didn’t believe me when I told her that I was able to go to this event and was averse to allowing me to go. But shit, I’m 20 years old now, I decided to go anyways. It was 6:30 at this point and New York City is roughly 2 hours 30 minutes away. I got there in around 1 hour 45 minutes. I was whipping and weaving and praying I didn’t get pulled over. If you know me, you understand I almost always go the speed limit because once I got a ticket for $200 for going 10 mph over on the highway. But, no paranoia could bring me down. I crossed over the G.W. Bridge and saw the wondrous skyline. I knew I was near. I didn’t even have time to change or shower before I left. I was still smelling like pizza grease and mozzarella cheese. I then ended up having to city drive for the first time. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I ended up parking at a garage that had uncanny prices, but it was well worth it. I got out of the car and ran to the address from the email; a small karaoke bar called Sing Sing Ave. A. There was an eclectic crowd waiting outside. A melting pot of people ranging from various backgrounds and identities. But, we were all there for one common purpose: Lorde. The bouncer popped his head out of the door multiple times. I spoke with a few girls in line who were convinced it was a prank. Eventually the bouncer and a man with the list came out of the door and began to check off people’s names. I was shaking, for real. I didn’t know what to expect. What was this event for? Is she actually here? My heart was racing.

june 13, 2017; 8:30 pm

I approached the man with the list and said my name. He then checked me off the list and the bouncer escorted me inside where he checked my ID to see if I was 18 years old. Sure enough I am, so he further escorted me down a dark staircase where there were I met two guys who were locking up the cell phones. I had to send one last message to my mom before I locked up my phone. The message said, “IN AT THE SHOW THEY DONY LET US USE OUR PHONES I’M SO EXCITED” (8:49 pm) (yes the spelling/grammar errors were in there).

june 13, 2017; 9:00 pm

I then entered the room where there were people scattered on couches and lounge stools while eating pizza and burgers and fries and socializing and anxiously awaiting what was coming. Within a few instances, Lorde walks in and shimmies through us. She is dancing and smiling and greeting people with exuberance. She then grabbed the microphone at the front of the room and spoke to us. This was real. In this very moment, I realized that the superstar that rocks adidas superstars was just a normal person at heart (just with a lot of talent and beauty). This wasn’t Lorde, this was Ella. She spoke with us, not to us. She embraced conversation. She asked the people’s names before talking to them and then used their name in conversation. This was Ella. Ella told us that she has a surprise for us. She claims that we were going to be the first group of people in the world to hear her long awaited album: melodrama. We all began cheering. I remembered back to my dream after watching the Coachella live stream. This was actually unbelievable, but it felt so real. It was some weird twin peaks type shit where it’s hard to tell the difference between dreams and reality. It felt so vivid and clear and wonderful. Everyone was there, completely devoid of cell phones and social media, for a shared human experience. This NEVER happens anymore. I will go out to eat or go to the park and see two people on their individual phones instead of engaging in real human interaction. This was different. This was genuine. She played the album all the way through. From front to back. In between songs she broke down the purpose of each song and told funny or sweet stories about the creative process. She shared personal experiences with Jack Antonoff during the copious amount of time they spent in the creation of the album at his Brooklyn apartment. She told us the feeling of just laying back in the dark and listening to the album from front to back. She shared her affection for the word “juicy.” She told us that she didn’t record melodrama in a record booth; but rather, she did it in the open air to get a more genuine and integrated sound. As a self proclaimed DIY musician (making sub par rap music from my bedroom with my friends), I was relieved when she said she didn’t use a record booth. There were times where the aux cord would begin to shorten out and she’d just laugh it off. Other times she’d try to turn it up when the volume was already maximized. The album was serene, intense, heartfelt, warm, jumpy; everything I could possibly imagine. Due to my recent break up, I took all of the words Ella said to heart. She asked the question, “have you ever broken up in a car before?” and I immediately flashed back to the time that Carly and I decided to call it quits. That moment of stagnancy. The moment where you’re just sitting there, side by side, for what seems to be the last time ever. The final moment doesn’t feel like it will ever end; just permanently stuck in purgatory. She passed around handwritten lyrics and I riffled through them to find one that had personal significance to me. The lyrics read,

“Please could you be tender and I will sit close to you

Let's give it a minute before we admit that we're through”

These words perfectly captured the feeling of being in the car during the final moments. The moments of holding on so hard for the words to say or the hand to hold or the love to share. That was the final moment.

Ella progressed through the songs, and told stories about being in the same seat as Pharrell and Jay-Z in Jungle City or how Pharrell randomly said “Saturn” in conversation. She shared that her favorite album is ‘My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy’ by Kanye and that her favorite song is Runaway. These were real conversations that she would have with her friends, which all of us were in this moment. She would be dancing along to the songs with us as she seemed to be feeling out all the drums in the air. Although most of us were dancing, she did open up the option to just sit back and embrace the moment. Another standout moment was the song Supercut. Through a definition of what a supercut was (a highlight reel), she then went into a beautiful and heart wrenching anecdote about perusing through the memories of all the good times between you and your partner after a breakup. She said this happened to her as she was laying in bed. I went through the exact same situation after I left the car. I just crawled into bed and laid facing the wall as if it was broadcasting all of the wonderful memories that I never want to forget. I saw the moments where I carved our names into a tree in the woods where we first kissed, or the first time we held hands at the movies, and the times we would be singing every song that came on the playlist during the midsummer days, or the times we would sneak out and sleep in my car to be able to hold each other at night. “In my head, I play a supercut of us” echoed throughout my mind when she first played it. I was taken back to that night. I was in the moment. I closed my eyes and put my head down and just listened and reflected. It was a beautiful moment. Then liability reprise followed and it was hypnotizing. All of the vocal snippets flowing throughout the mix. It perfectly captured not knowing your place in search of somewhere to go. This notion perfectly segued into the final song: Perfect Places. Perfect places is poppy and upbeat and glorious... but then you listen to the lyrics. It tells the story of living a chaotic life that is fueled by spur of the moment actions and searching for “perfect places.” Then the song ends where she claims, “what the fuck are perfect places anyway?” It all connects back to Green Light. Awaiting that green light, waiting for that change, waiting for a new adventure. It all doesn’t just happen in an instant. It takes a long time to rebuild yourself after being in someone else’s arms for so long. Finding your identity is strong theme of the album, and it’s something that I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been searching for too many “perfect places.” I’ve been rushing my life through trying to do everything I can instead of realizing that things take time to create change, much like how melodrama took time to be released. There’s a conglomerate of emotions that are poured throughout the album that I strongly identify with. Actually, I feel like many others, if not everyone, can do the same. Saying Melodrama is a ‘break up album’ would be a strong dis-justice. Melodrama is about change and searching for your place; whether it be changing jobs, finding your friend group, transferring to a new school, experiencing any form of loss. Ultimately, it exposes any void that needs to be filled. These are all very universal occurrences among everyone. I feel like that’s why this intimate evening was so powerful and necessary. It was a moment to show people that Ella was a real person who created an album with real emotions based on real circumstances. She is really staying true to the thesis of Pure Heroine on Melodrama. She isn’t singing about all of the money she acquired or how much fame she has. She is singing about issues that me, some random kid who works at a pizza shop in Connecticut, can identify with. Issues that everyone can identify with.

After we finished the album, she asked if anyone had any questions. A girl asked if she could sing something to hear her voice. Ella asked for any requests and I immediately yelled out “buzzcut season.” She then questioned what key the song was in and then NAILED IT. I began tearing up because I thought I’d never hear buzzcut season live due to the fear that the Melodrama release would lead to exclusively performing those songs. After this, she said that we can all unlock our phones and take pictures. We huddled at the door where the security guard would unlock our phone and escort us 1 by 1 into a room for a personal conversation with Ella / a photo shoot. I would see others smiling from ear to ear as they were taken into the room. Personally, I was trying to remain calm because, after all, she is just a normal person like everyone else. But then when it was my turn, my heart started racing. I went in and introduced myself and we hugged. I then told her a VERY abridged version of the story I just wrote about (btw you’re a real one if you’re reading this far). She then hugged me again and told me everything is going to be alright. We took pictures, and then I was escorted out of the venue to the sidewalk I started at. I just walked and stood by a brick facade for a second and looked at the lyric card she gave me. I then began crying for the first time in months, it was all too real. I just couldn’t believe that happened. I then met up with my friend and we went back to his apartment where I played a quick supercut of the night and drifted asleep.  

More detailed information on the night was supplied by The Modern Girls, the writer did an amazing job at capturing the essence of the event. The report can be found here:

https://themoderngirls.co/2017/06/15/this-was-melodrama-an-evening-with-lorde/

fast forward because this story is getting mad long

june 16, 2017 - 12:00 am melodrama release date

It was released in that very instant. It was here. I drove to the convenience store down the street with my friend, Tyler Woods, and we each got red bulls and drove around for hours. This is a back road kind of album. The roads that have potholes and loose rubble and cars to dodge on the side of the road. A kind of album that soundtracks the world as you drive through suburbia during the night time while catching glimpses of lamps illuminating window frames. A kind of album that glistens in the moonlight. The bumps rocks pounded into the asphalt of the street worked in sequence with loveless’ booming 808s and the freshly paved asphalt glided to the buttery synths of homemade dynamite. A tank of gas and three listens later, we decided to go back to his house because we had to wake up early the next day for work.  (btw, I listened to the album on a pair of Audio Technica ATH m50x’s and the details are revolutionary).

june 16, 2017 - 2:00 pm 

Around time to get ready for work again at 4:00 when I checked twitter and saw a tweet that said, 

“got a couple passes to give away to the show i'm putting on at bowery ballroom with @SIRIUSXM tonight– 18+ tell me why u wanna be there” - @lorde 

I immediately responded again, requesting to give a pass to Mike Jarmon because he gave me the pass for Tuesday. Sure enough, got the tweet back that confirms we both were on the list. Ecstatically, I called out work again. It’s a miracle that I didn’t lose my job.. I ended up driving down to Mike’s house and then progressing towards the city. At this point, I have been driving around nearly all week which led to a series of dunkin’ donuts cups, jackets, hats, red bull cans, subway sandwich bags, pairs of various colors of cortezs, pillows, drum machines, and skateboards littered throughout my backseat. True vagabond. Anyways, we cross over the G.W. Bridge (again) and then cruise throughout the streets of the Bowery while blasting homemade dynamite with the windows down. Hyped. We parked the car at yet again another insanely expensive garage a few blocks away from the Bowery Ballroom (still worth it). We walked over to outside of the venue and received the guest passes and proceeded inside. The venue was way more intimate than I anticipated (I’ve never been to a concert in the city). We all just waited there looking at the massive mural of the album cover. Eventually, the band walked out and took their place. Then Lorde followed. The crowd roared as she began to sing the beginning bars of homemade dynamite. Then she did buzzcut season, shitttt it was amazing. Eventually, she progressed throughout the playlist. She playing hits after hits after hits. She was feeling all the beats during the drum breaks and hitting every single note with such precision that it led me to questioning whether or not she was actually singing. It was divine. The unique flairs that she added to the songs were charismatic and bold. Gorgeous is all I can say about the performance. The set ended with Green Light. Everyone in the crowd was belting out the lyrics and dancing and enjoying themselves. It was surreal. Then she thanked the crowd for everything and left the stage. We waited for the possibility of an encore. Sure enough, there was one; however, I was confused as to why the band took their instruments off the stage if there was going to be an encore. She just stood by the microphone and quieted the crowd until the space was completely silent. There was a powerful moment of complete silence before she started singing. Then as she began singing. She then stepped away from the microphone and continued singing. Ella was here. It was like she was singing in the living room of her house to her closest friends and family. The passion. The power. She was a superstar that wasn’t afraid to get personal and intimate with the audience. In that very instant, she broke down the barrier between being a real person and an international superstar. We weren’t hearing her voice through a speaker system; we were hearing her voice in the rawest form possible. There is something so metaphysically beautiful about that moment that I will never forget. We waited around the ballroom for a bit before being kicked to the sidewalk by security. After about a half hour of waiting, Ella began walking out of the venue. She immediately recognized a fan of hers after not seeing her for 3 years. It was like old friends rekindling their friendship as Ella hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. She progressed her way down the group making sure to speak with each person individually. She then got to us, we hugged and I introduced her to Mike. He ecstatically shook her hand. She kindly recorded a video of her shouting out Mike’s girlfriend who couldn’t make it to the show because of a family emergency. She then took a picture with him and then made her way to the next eager face. We walked back to the car in awe of how real and beautiful that moment was. Nothing can top it. The whole night was perfect. 

Reflection

June 19, 2017 12:11 pm

Now it’s Monday of the next week. This was the story of how Melodrama made all of my dreams come true. If you came this far, I appreciate you for taking the time out of your day to read me wilding out through thousands of words. This story has made a really strong impact on my life and I will continue to hold it with me throughout any troubles life throws my way. A bit of information that I left out of at the beginning is that I was increasingly suicidal at the turn of the year due to the dwindling relationship I had with Carly, the stress of beginning a new semester, anxiety, and an overall dissatisfaction with my life as a whole. Growing up, I always had dreams of being something. I was always drawing on t-shirts and giving them to my friends or painting pictures for my family members on Christmas or making rap music out of my room with guitar hero microphones on free music software.  When I was applying for college, I supplemented my parent’s vicarious dream of me being a pharmacist with persuing architecture. I loved looking at houses, I loved drawing houses: architecture was for me. However, when I reflected on 2016, I never actually achieved anything I wanted to do. I was hardly even drawing, I wasn’t making much music, and I was just overall unhappy with my life. I was always in need of hanging out with people and couldn’t stand being alone. I used social media as a gauge for self satisfaction (which was quite stupid). If I said something and it didn’t get retweets, then it must be meaningless. I eventually ended up deleting all my tweets and not using twitter at all after that. I hate how that’s how I’ve become hardwired as I’ve become dependent on social media. After Carly and I broke up in February, I had to have a long talk with Bryce about where my life was going. Where was my perfect place. It was eventually established by Bryce that the goal of meeting Lorde was impossible and that I should probably set a smaller and more achievable goal. But then it happened. Then it happened. I still question where was my place in this world. Shit, to this day, I don’t even know. BUT, I’m not scared of searching anymore. I’m not scared of a few bad days because of the sheer faith that anything can happen at any given moment; for better or for worse. I thrive off of the fact that life is always growing, there’s billions of people to talk to, there’s countless flowers to smell, and miles of roads to drive. There’s no amount of twitter followers or retweets or instagram likes that can separate me from the next person. This past week has taught me that nothing is impossible. NOTHING. I know it sounds like a cliche, but you have to believe me. Here I am in my 10′ x 10' room that is mainly occupied by speakers from a thrift shop and second hand music equipment, and I have never felt more alive. Thank you, Ella.

"2017 is the year to be a fucking savage”

[real-life-pine-tree]

Arc-V Aftermath: Beautiful Odd-Eyes and Girl’s Night Out (9/26)

When all is said and done, things have quickly recovered in the four dimensions. But when weird things start happening, the Yu-Salad Boys and the Bracelet Girls quickly realize they have some loose ends to fix. Co-written with @violetganache42.

WARNING: Dub names will be featured in the story.

The next morning, at the Sakaki residence, Yuya and Sora were having breakfast, eating Yoko’s homemade pancakes once again. With a killer recipe like hers, it makes you want to eat it every morning like those two. Before starting on his next pancake, Yuya asked Sora if anything new happened ever since Zarc brought back the Original Dimension. The candy-loving young teen replied that he, Dennis, and Yuri bought new cards yesterday and tested them out at Duel Academy. He also mentioned Leo telling him and his two Obelisk friends that Declan is hosting a Team Duel Tournament in a few weeks.

The tomato-haired teen was blown away after hearing the news. He asked Sora if Team Duels were now tournament-legal; the latter said “Yes” because Declan spoke with the CEO of the Vanguard Association, with Yuya groaning after hearing that company’s name. His reaction was pretty much similar to Sora, Dennis, and Yuri’s. Anyways, he learned about Declan making Team Duels legal because he wanted Duelists to establish trust among each other the same way Card Fighters do, especially after the Interdimensional War. Registrations were beginning soon, where a team composing of three Duelists must sign up if they wish to take part in it.

Yuya was pumped about the upcoming tournament and couldn’t wait to form his team. Sora casually warned his adopted brother to be prepared for his team in a few weeks. He said they were getting some ideas on their Dueltaining style that will surely captivate the audience. This intrigued the former; a new Dueltaining style? Whatever it was, he was looking forward to it even more now.

“What is it?” Yuya asked.

“Can’t tell you this early,” Sora innocently answered. “Just be prepared for a new dueling king.”

Shortly after answering, Sora noticed Yuya wearing his goggles over his eyes. That’s strange, he wondered. When was the last time he wore them? He honestly couldn’t remember, but considering recent events, he may know the reason why.

“Uh, Yuya?” Sora asked. “What’s with the goggles?”

“Huh?” Yuya murmured, alarmed. “Oh… That. I, uh…was up playing Duel Sims all night! Yeah, that’s it!” He let out a small laugh. “Don’t want anyone to see me with tired eyes.”

Sora wasn’t buying it and, with the aftermath of the separation plan still in his head, questioned if it had anything to do with the dual eye colors. Quickly realizing that the Duel Simulators excuse wasn’t going to work, Yuya sighed out a “Yeah”, explaining that he still doesn’t feel used to having two different eye colors.

“It just doesn’t feel right,” Yuya admitted, briefly touching his face near his left eye. “Why did I end up like this once Zarc was separated again?”

“Beats me,” Sora replied with a shrug. “But what are you so afraid of? Don’t you want people to see your eyes?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Yuya answered. “What if the other kids at school make fun of me for having two different eye colors?”

Knowing he now has Odd-Eyes’ eye colors, Yuya was afraid that people may come up with a new taunt, something like “an odd-eyed freak with an odd-eyed dragon”. His nervousness and fear were starting to come back to him; just when he thought he didn’t have to worry about Yusho going missing or the threat of Zarc, something had to show up in front of him to give him something else to be anxious about. He was starting to go through a relapse.

“Cheer up, Yuya!” Sora said. “You’re probably overreacting. Do you really think everyone will make fun of you?”

“Yes,” Yuya bluntly stated.

There may be a possibility of that happening because people always find ways to bully someone. Ever since his father didn’t show up for his duel against the Sledgehammer, Yuya was bullied about it. He wasn’t sure if he could handle any more bullying from everyone, especially since he just got his father back and the Zarc situation was permanently dealt with.

“I still think they won’t make fun of you for your new eye colors,” Sora insisted.

Yuya started having some second thoughts about this. Maybe Sora’s right about the different eye colors. There must be other people in the world who has two eye colors like him. The only way he was going to find out is him taking on the day. Now having mixed feelings about this, he thanked Sora for the talk and finished eating breakfast. He doesn’t want to be late for school.

At Paradise Prep, the day seemed to be going on as normal: classes, lunch, gym, the usual. Yuya did whatever he did to make sure he didn’t made any eye contact with anyone except Zuzu, Celina, and Sylvio. Shortly after the separation procedure, Celina started attending Paradise Prep; during this, Zuzu noticed her Fusion counterpart had her hair down. The indigo-haired girl explained it was because she found a new dueling rival in Sylvio. Although they weren’t officially dating, they acted more like girlfriend and boyfriend. The three asked Yuya during their lunch break about why he wasn’t like himself today, with him responding that he doesn’t want anyone making fun of his dual eye colors.

Sylvio covered his mouth, trying to muffle a laugh. “It’s not funny!” Yuya snapped.

“I think what Sylvio is responding to is how ridiculous you’re acting,” Celina explained. “Now will you stop acting scared and take off your goggles already?”

Yuya lifted his goggles up to his head, causing some water to splash down on the ground. The water happened to be his own tears, which came from his visibly-upset eyes. Has he been crying this whole time?

“Yuya…” Zuzu sadly said.

“I don’t know why this happened to me,” Yuya said, still crying. “This can’t be covered up by makeup. I’m stuck with these weird eye colors and not even colored contacts can fix it!”

Yuto, Yugo, and Yuri were lucky; even though they also got eye colors to match their respective dragons’ eyes, they were all single-colored. Why is he the only one with double-colored eyes? A better question would actually be why Odd-Eyes has double-colored eyes. Zuzu moved from her spot to sit next to Yuya to try and cheer him up. She comforted him before when dealing with Yusho’s sudden disappearance and she’ll do it again. Besides, she wants to see his smiling face again.

“Hey Yuya…” Zuzu said. “Didn’t you say Declan is going to host a Team Duel Tournament?”

Yuya could simply nod in response.

“Then how about we form a team with Gong and take part in the tournament together?” Zuzu suggested.

This seemed to have help brighten Yuya’s mood. Coincidentally, he wanted to ask his friends after school to see if a couple of them wanted to join his team once he calmed down. He asked Zuzu if she really meant it, receiving a smiling nod as her answer.

“Team Duels?” Sylvio asked. He looked repulsed. “Don’t tell me Declan got the idea from-”

“He did,” Yuya answered. “I’m not happy about it either, but it’s to promote teamwork between Duelists.”

“I swear, Cardfighters are the worst,” Celina added. “I heard one of the more skilled ones claimed his favorite card was his alien dad.”

Zuzu laughed a bit. “Seriously?” she asked. “How delusional are those people?”

“But wait!” Yuya said, chiming in on the humor. “My favorite card is Odd-Eyes Pendulum Dragon.” He took the card out of his deck and let out a mock gasp. “Could he have been my real dad this whole time?”

Yuya’s friends laughed at his humorous yet sarcastic remark. If there was one thing all Duelists enjoy is mocking Cardfighters, so it was no surprise that they, along with Yuya, would also discuss about this topic. Throughout their lunch period, they continued doing just that; at one point, Sylvio told the gang that he overheard a conversation about Vanguard from a couple students a few hours earlier when they were in between classes about some weird card-reading power called ‘Psyquallia’. He ranked Card Fighters an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most delusional. Naturally, they all agreed with that statement.

After having a fun lunch break and finishing the rest of the school day, Yuya and Zuzu went to You Show Duel School with Gong to practice for the upcoming tournament. Since this is a Team Duel, they need to determine which strategies would work well with the Performapals, Melodius, and Superheavy Samurai archetypes. The best way to answer this was with a Battle Royale. So far, they were keeping track of which monster effects, Spells, and Traps coincides fluidly with all three decks.

“My turn!” Yuya happily announced. “I draw!”

He looked at the card he drew, triggering a panic attack. It was Stargazer Magician, which reminded him of the Sorcerer cards Zarc used during his duels against Leo and the Lancers. He never forgot that day… The day the four dimensions were merging as his incarnation made his return, proving himself to be unstoppable as he defeated every single one of them until his demise at the hands of Riley and Ray. Ever since then, Yuya and Zuzu had their souls fused with their counterparts until recently. Everything that happened until now is what led to his eyes changing color.

“No…” Yuya said, dropping the cards in his hands and he fell to his knees and covered his left eye. “I can’t let things go back to the way they were!” He started crying again. “I can’t be a laughing stock again!”

Zuzu and Gong ran up to their friend to see what was going on. The Superheavy Samurai user asked what was happening to their tomato-haired friend and Zuzu replied that it has to do with his dual eye colors. She explained that he ended up gaining Odd-Eyes’ eye colors after Zarc and Ray were officially separated and is afraid people may start making fun of him again. After the Interdimensional War ended, he wanted to continue being himself without having the aftermath of his father’s disappearance looming over him again. In all fairness, who wouldn’t blame him? The two tried their hardest to make Yuya feel better.

“Don’t be like that, Yuya!” Gong said. “You can’t let your new eye colors distract you!”

“Don’t you remember what happened when my dad vanished?” Yuya asked, still crying as he closed his eyes. “I refuse to let it happen again!”

Zuzu asked Yuya if he can remove his hand from his left eye. He was initially hesitant, but this was his childhood friend. She was always there for him for comfort, regardless of how upsetting the issue may be. He never forgot the time she brought reassurance to him after Yusho vanished. With tears still welling up, he lowered his hand from his left eye, which had his green iris. His eyes remained closed, but he felt Zuzu’s lips press against his eyelid.

Yuya let out a soft gasp. “Zuzu…” he said, speaking very softly.

His right eye opened slightly and his cheeks turned light pink upon feeling his eyelid getting kissed. The first thing he saw was Zuzu and she noticed that she looked as pretty as a flower. His eyes open wide, he realized what he said about how there’s nothing sweet about her was wrong. She really was a sweetheart and he never knew until now. He was convinced that he may be developing feelings for her.

Yuya soon was overcame with a variety of emotions: lovestruck, sadness, tranquility, reassurance. They were increasingly overlapping his head, slowly clouding his thoughts until he reached out and connected his lips to Zuzu’s, surprising her. She always knew he was rather spontaneous, but this was the most unexpected thing he has ever done. Why did he do this? Whatever the reason is, she eventually succumbed to the stunning display of affection and returned the kiss to him, entangling her fingers through his hair. If she was going to be honest, she thought he was adorable, from his feminine-looking eyes and face to his girlish and fluffy short hair, but she’s come to realize how beautiful he always was. Simultaneously, he hugged her tightly as they kissed, out of fear of losing her again. After everything that happened during the Interdimensional War, he didn’t want anything bad happening to her while also desiring to cherish what makes her the most fantastic girl he has ever met.

Ultimately the two parted for breath, but Yuya was still holding tight. “I said it once and I’ll say it again,” the tomato-haired teen said, his eyes brimming with tears. “I missed you. We’re finally back together and I’ll never let you out of my sight again.”

“Yuya…” Zuzu breathed, realizing that Yuya was confessing his love to her.

At that moment, Gong cleared his throat. “So are we gonna go back to training, or does Gong have to watch you two smooching?”

The sound of Gong’s throat clearing startled the two, causing them to blush out of slight embarrassment. They instantly stood up from the floor, with Yuya picking up the cards he dropped. As they got back into their dueling positions, they continued where they left off, which was his first Main Phase. Looking at the Stargazer Magician he drew, he breathed out of his mouth, preparing to initiate a Pendulum Summon. Despite what may have happened back when the dimensions were merging, he remembered Zarc’s monsters were similar to his own and his counterparts, but they will be nothing like them. Grasping onto his pendant, he recited what Yusho taught him in his head. He then bolted his eyes open, revealing his red and green irises, ready to make his move.

“I’ll use Stargazer Magician and Timegazer Magician to set the Pendulum Scale!” Yuya declared. “I’m taking control of this duel starting now!”

With his Scale 1 Stargazer Magician and Scale 8 Timegazer Magician on the Pendulum Scale, Yuya was ready to summon his monsters between Levels 2 and 7. Before doing so, he narrated his famous Pendulum Summoning chant.

“I’m allow to summon monsters Level 2 through 7 all at the same time!” Yuya continued. “Swing far, pendulum! Carve the arc of victory! My monsters are ready…to SWING INTO ACTIOOOOOON!”

He proceeded to Pendulum Summon a total of five monsters. Flying out of the Pendulum “portal” were two horned female monsters, one with yellow hair with magenta highlights tied in a long ponytail and the other with light blue pigtails, a black-haired shogun with dark red armor, a small, chartreuse dragon with a golden, oval coin, and his ace monster.

“Wow the crowd, Performapal Corn!” Yuya announced. “Dazzle and shine, Performapal Uni! Slice n’ dice, Performapal Handsome Liger! Shine in the spotlight, Performapal Coin Dragon! Turn up the heat, Odd-Eyes Pendulum Dragon!”

Zuzu and Gong stared in awe as Yuya’s summoned monsters took center stage of the Battle Royale. Shortly thereafter, he activated Corn’s effect, switching her and Uni to Defense Position and Coin Dragon’s monster effect has all Dragon-Type monsters he controls gain 500 ATK; now he was ready to battle. He had Handsome Liger attack and destroy one of Zuzu’s Melodius monster, letting him add a Level 5 or higher Pendulum monster from his hand. At the same time, Odd-Eyes sent one of Gong’s Superheavy Samurai monsters—which was in defense position—to the Graveyard. With that, he placed one card face down and ended his turn. Now it was time for Zuzu to try and turn this duel around in her favor.

“Not bad,” Zuzu said. “Now it’s my turn to set the Pendulum Scale! And I’ll do that with Scale 1 Beetho the Melodious Songstress and Scale 9 Opheli the Melodious Operetta!”

Her Pendulum scale was set as a green-skinned girl in a piano dress and a blonde girl dressed in black with a white mask appeared on the field, enabling her to summon any monsters between Levels 2 and 8 all at once. She knew which ones she was going to choose: Aria the Melodious Diva, Sonata the Melodious Diva, and Mozarta the Melodious Maestra. Her plan is to Pendulum Summon them so that she can Fusion Summon her ace: Bloom Diva the Melodious Choir.

“Fairies of song, lend me your voices!” Zuzu chanted. “Take flight onto the stage in a beautiful harmony! I enact the Pendulum Summon of floral glory!”

Once the Melodious monster appeared, Zuzu, who was complete oblivious to her glowing marking on her right cheek, activated her two Divas’ effects. Since Aria was special summoned, all her monsters aren’t targeted by card effects or destroyed by battle. Sonata was also special summoned because she controlled a Melodious monster, giving all Fairy-Type monsters a 500 ATK and DEF increase. Time for her Battle Phase to commence.

“Next I activate Polymerization to fuse Aria and Mozarta!” Zuzu continued. “Together, you’ll sing a sensational duet that will form an even more Melodious monster! I Fusion Summon Bloom Diva the Melodious Choir!”

If targeted, Bloom Diva negates battle damage from attacks involving this card and isn’t destroyed by battle or card effects. By attacking and destroying an opponent’s special summoned monster, she can inflict damage equal to the difference between the original ATK of the opposing monster and her. Now she was ready for her Battle Phase.

“Bloom Diva, attack Odd-Eyes Pendulum Dragon!” Zuzu declared. “Vaporizing Miracle!”

Normally, Zuzu would be taking the damage because Bloom Diva has 1000 ATK, but thanks to her effect, the damage is actually dealt to Yuya. Since Odd Eyes’ original ATK was 2500, that means he was about to lose 1500 LP. He was so focused by the glowing marking that he almost forgot to activate his face-down card… Almost.

“I activate the Trap card Cross Damage!” Yuya exclaimed. “Since I’m about to lose 1500 life points, you also lose the same amount!”

Vaporizing Miracle struck Odd Eyes, destroying it and lowering Yuya’s LP by 1500. At the same time, Bloom Diva remains on the field due to her effect, but it doesn’t prevent Cross Damage from dealing the same amount of damage to Zuzu. It was almost like attacking an opponent’s monster whose stronger than yours and you end up taking the damage. After the tomato-haired teen’s maneuver was finished, his pink-haired friend had no choice but to end her turn.

“I’ll have to end my turn,” Zuzu said as her marking stopped glowing.

Before Gong began his turn, he asked Zuzu why her marking stopped glowing. She was confused about what he means by that and Yuya commented about how it glowed pink from her right cheek from when she Pendulum Summoned up until now. Her eyes widened a little as she touched her En Flowers marking; she wasn’t aware of it during her turn. It was no wonder why she could have sworn she caught a glimpse of her friends’ stunned faces. They all agreed it must have something to do with her Pendulum Summoning. She then had an idea that can turn this brief confusion into something spectacular for the tournament. Her glowing marking can help provide a bit of creativity during her turns to emphasize the entertainment Yusho demonstrates and teaches his students.

The two boys were intrigued by this. It sounded like a marvelous idea to add some pizazz to their Dueltaining. They wondered if Zuzu’s counterparts’ markings also glowed to their respective special summons and how they will incorporate it to their teams. Zuzu replied that they’ll find a way…except Lulu, who was more focused on bringing back her family’s wealth. For now, they continued their duel, with Gong starting his turn. At the end of the day, they managed to record a few working strategies and planned on finding more starting tomorrow.

“So what should we call our team?” Yuya asked.

“How about Team Smiles?” Zuzu suggested.

“Team Smiles?” Gong asked. “Gong likes that. Puts an emphasis on our dueling styles.”

“Then it’s settled,” Yuya said. “We’re Team Smiles!”

The three took out their aces and drew them up in the air, officially forming Team Smiles. After putting them back in their decks, Yuya asked Zuzu what she was doing tonight and she replied that’s she, Celina, and Rin were all invited by Lulu to attend a sleepover at the Obsidian family house.

“A sleepover?” Yuya asked.

“It was Lulu’s idea,” Zuzu explained. “She figured we could all use some girl time, mostly since she jokingly told Rin she’s forgetting her gender.”

“Why would she forget her own-” Yuya was about to ask, but then he realized she mostly hangs out with guys. “Oh…”

Zuzu chuckled at Yuya’s realization since Rin was the most tomboyish out of all the Bracelet Girls. She then grabbed her stuff to bring most of them back home because she wanted to pack her pajamas, Duel Monsters cards, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, and the clothes Alexis Rhodes gave to her back in the Fusion Dimension.

“Dad, I’m heading over to Lulu’s place!” Zuzu called out.

“Don’t forget to call if you need to be picked up!” Skip replied.

Zuzu responded that she will as she headed out the door. Taking out her Duel Disk, she opened up the Maps app and enter Lulu’s address to get directions. Once the directions were given, she started walking down the sidewalk. Some time later, she stopped in front of a gate. She looked through it to see a building that is bigger than a large house but smaller than a mansion; this must be the Obsidian residence. She noticed a speaker on the gate, so she pressed a button to let the family know she’s not an intruder.

“WHO IS THIS?”

“I’m Zuzu Boyle,” the Dueltainer answered. “A friend of Lulu’s.”

“MISTRESS L-LULU, DO YOU KNOW ANYONE NAMED ZUZU BOYLE?”

“Yes, Orbital. Let her in.”

“YES MADAM, MISTRESS L-LULU.”

The front gates opened, allowing Zuzu to enter. As she walked down the pathway to the house, she glanced over at the well-cut hedges, the freshly mowed lawn, and how huge the front yard is. She wasn’t expecting Lulu to come from a wealthy family; guess she learned something new about her XYZ counterpart. Upon approaching the house, she knocked on the door, and after waiting a few seconds, it opened, revealing Lulu, Celina, and Rin all in their pajamas.

“Hey Zuzu!” Lulu happily said. “I’m glad you could finally make it.”

“Sorry I’m late,” Zuzu said. “I was training with my team for the upcoming tournament.”

“Your team wouldn’t happen to include Yuya, would it?” Rin asked.

“He and Gong are my teammates, so yeah,” Zuzu answered.

“That’s no surprise,” Celina said. “I managed to form a team with Sylvio, but it was tough trying to find a third teammate. I suggested Moon Shadow, but it turns out he and Sun Shadow are stuck on 'baby duty’. Luckily we came across that Aura girl and she didn’t mind joining our team.”

“Baby duty?” Zuzu repeated.

“Apparently Riley not smiling wasn’t because of the darkness within Zarc’s heart, but because all of her memories were retained and she clearly remembers the experimenting Henrietta did to her,” Celina explained. “Declan decided it would be best for Moon Shadow to raise her properly.”

“But didn’t Riley apparently smile as she watched Yuya’s duels?” Rin asked, remembering what Yuya explained to the other counterparts.

“Turns out she was just distracted by him,” Celina clarified.

This took a little adjusting, but Riley getting distracted must have coincidentally purified Zarc’s soul. They were admittedly glad that it happened because the last thing they needed was him and his darkness returning and threatening the world once more. With that out of the way, Zuzu asked her counterparts what were the plans for the sleepover.

“Just typical girl things,” Lulu answered. “Painting our nails, gushing about boys, discussing dueling strategies for the tournament…”

“Wait, I thought you weren’t participating,” Zuzu recalled.

“I thought so too,” Lulu said. “But mother and father wanted Shay and I to participate because our family company is a sponsor, so we formed a team with Yuto.”

Lulu’s counterparts questioned about why her parents’ company was sponsoring the tournament, with her responding that her parents received an email from Leo Corporation about how Declan is hosting it as a way to promote teamwork and trust among Duelists and asked if ObsidianCorp would sponsor it. Naturally, they said “Yes”, but it was for a different reason; they were always glad to sponsor special events, but they wanted to find ways to bring back their wealth, so this was a good starting point. After they agreed to the request and she, Shay, and Yuto formed their team called Team Noble, she was curious about why team duels were now legal. Kameron and Astra—annoyed at what the most likely reason is—both had a hunch that the Vanguard Association is involved with it, causing Team Noble to groan in disgust. Hearing this made Rin annoyed as well, with Lulu with an “Exactly” face and Zuzu and Celina mentioning about how they talked about Cardfighters with Sylvio and Yuya during lunch.

“Those Cardfighters are probably going to attend,” Rin guessed.

“Probably,” Lulu figured.

“I bet they want to see how badly us Duelists will screw up their tournament style,” Celina added.

After talking about the tournament, the Bracelet Girls headed upstairs to Lulu’s room, where they were doing makeovers and talking about their crushes…most of them, actually. Celina was completely unsure of what to do. For someone who grew up in Duel Academy with no social skills, this was understandable. At the same time, Zuzu suspected Rin of having a different behavior to all this girly stuff since she is a tomboy, but she was actually having a blast with doing makeovers. The pink-haired girl saw a perplexed Celina and asked her if she can braid her hair.

“Uh… No thanks,” Celina said. “I don’t want to get too attached to my hair.”

“Oh?” Rin asked. “You want short hair?”

“Kind of,” Celina admitted, tugging on her indigo hair. “My hair was always this length my whole life. Since I’m trying to find my identity outside of Duel Academy, I figured a haircut could help me rediscover who I really am.”

“You should go for it!” Rin encouraged, finger-combing her short, mint green hair. “Short hair is easier to manage. Definitely useful for Turbo Duels.”

“But I’m not sure if I would like it,” Celina said.

“Don’t question it,” Lulu said. “Just go for it.” She proceeded to clap her hands twice, causing Lillybot to enter the room.

“WHAT IS IT, MISTRESS LULU?” Lillybot asked.

“Show Celina where the salon room is,” Lulu instructed. “She wants to try out a new look.”

“I UNDERSTAND, MISTRESS LULU,” Lillybot replied.

Lillybot escorted Celina to the salon room, leaving the other three girls in Lulu’s room. “So Zuzu, you said you were practicing with your team,” the XYZ Duelist said.

“Yeah,” Zuzu replied.

“Did you and Yuya…?” Lulu asked.

Zuzu blushed. “You did!” Rin realized.

“He just kissed me,” Zuzu explained. “I mean, he’s beautiful, but he mostly felt upset about having two eye colors.” She smiled softly. “But he has soft, fluffy hair and an adorable smile.”

“Fluffy?” Lulu asked, amused.

Zuzu explained that even though his hair may not be as spiky as his Yuto’s, but she didn’t mind that at all. Alongside his loyalty to his friends and his smile, the soft fluffiness of his hair is one of the qualities that makes Yuya stand out from the Yu-Salad in her eyes. Admittedly, part of her felt like the hair and face make him look like a girl.

“At least Yugo doesn’t have that 'mistaken for a girl’ problem,” Rin said as she painted her nails. “Sure he’s loud and rude, but he’s taking better care of his looks, especially his hair. He’s been combing it more often and he started bathing regularly, so he looks much cuter.”

Lulu politely muffled a laugh. “He is!” Rin insisted. “Once you get past the rude behavior, you’ll see that he means well.”

“Who are we talking about?”

Celina and Lillybot returned from the salon room. The Fusion girl founded a new hairstyle she liked and now has a shoulder-length bob cut. Her counterparts were amazed.

“Not bad,” Zuzu said.

“It feels a bit weird,” Celina said. “But I like it. Feels more like me.”

“I bet whoever you like is going to be impressed,” Rin said. But then she realized she, Zuzu, and Lulu have fallen in love for their respected Zarc counterparts. What if that happened to Celina as well? “Are you…?”

“Oh, hecks no,” Celina corrected, sitting next to Zuzu. “Yuri is egotistical and he looks as ugly as his personality.”

“Then who’s the lucky guy?” Rin asked, intrigued.

Celina blushed slightly. “Sylvio,” she admitted.

“Who?” Rin asked.

“A nicer version of Yuri,” Zuzu explained.

“He’s also a worthy rival,” Celina said. “He often compliments my dueling strategies and he doesn’t deliberately anger me like Yuri did.”

“So it seems my counterparts have fallen for a showman, a quick-tempered biker, and a flashy actor,” Lulu said. “It looks like I’m the only one who found the better guy.”

“Yuto?” Celina asked.

Lulu let out a loving sigh. “Yes…” she said, brushing her long hair. “He’s such a noble gentleman. It helps that he’s so handsome with his cute smile, adorable spiky hair, and gorgeous eyes.”

Rin glanced over to see Lulu brushing her long, dark purple hair. She seemed rather mesmerized by it, as if she was missing out on something. She lightly pulled some strands of her short hair. Although she liked how short it is, it was clear she also wanted to try a new hairstyle like Celina did. After letting go of her hair strands, she made a decision on what she wants to do.

“Lulu, what’s it like having long hair?” Rin asked.

“Amazing,” Lulu answered, still brushing her hair. “The best part is styling it for the right occasion.”

“But didn’t you say having short hair is convenient?” Zuzu recalled.

“Well… Yeah,” Rin replied. “But since Celina is trying out a new style, I want to do the same and grow out my hair.”

“Well it does look like your hair is bit longer,” Lulu pointed out. “So go for it.”

Rin nodded at Lulu’s suggestion. Starting tonight, she decided to grow out her hair. During that time, she can learn from her XYZ counterpart how to take care of it in order to maintain its lusciousness and keep it healthy, try out different styles for various special occasions, and determine which brand of shampoo and conditioner works best. With Celina cutting her hair short to break free from her old life, Rin figured having her hair longer will be a sign of her starting a new life of her own.

[am-flying-solo]

THE MINISTER’S IN TOWN.

Solomon stared down at his own hands.

The unlit cigarette between his fingers remained just like that - a testament to his vices. He needed something to hold on to more than he needed a quick smoke. He remembered the last howler, Mabel’s voice booming through the dining hall, filled with accusations  - and all the other howlers before that, a parade of bright red ink on parchment paper and burning shame. Solo was as skilled in swallowing shame as he was in swallowing other things, on his knees on dirty bathrooms - he’d been doing both for years. A life in service, he found out at an early age, is about shame as much as it is about obedience - it was all about bowing your head and quiet apologies. A life of tuning out the yelling, and making yourself small, blending with the walls and living for far away dreams between those few merciful free hours. 

The Flints had always accused him of savagery - like there was something untamed and wild about him, proof of his own tainted nature; something unavoidable, a fault deep in his genes, as if he was doomed by biological determinism the moment he crawled out his mother’s womb, wailing with abandon. Thus, a savage he became, growing into that thick animal skin like it was his own, with teeth sharp enough to bite and a tongue that could spit out venom as fast as he could stomach shame. It didn’t taste so bad, once you got used to it, but neither did poison, he supposed. So he walked the halls like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and stared down at his cigarette, still untouched, as Minister Lowell Tegus received a couple of starry eyed second years in the distance, trained smile in place.

He wasn’t scared of Lowell Tegus, or the shame - Solomon could take public humilliation, he could take the threats, and he could take the howlers. He’d lived an unapologetic life and, in his teenage arrogance, he thought to himself he could take on anything. He had roamed the streets of muggle London and Knockturn Alley, and lost himself to the drunken delights of Nelson’s Blood in dirty taverns. He’d braced himself against the cold in East End and fought the boredom of endless afternoons, when apathy and hunger seemed to nail him to the shores as the sun went down languidly, swallowed by the Thames. He’d gotten on his knees and on his fours for a warm bed or a chilly couch, and he’d laughed as christmas came and went, tongue tasting like Cherry Cola and cheap vodka down some empty subway station, where the mismatched voices of a choir of homeless hobos echoed through the dark tunnels.

There wasn’t much he couldn’t take, even from the Minister himself.

Last time they met, Lowell had assured him he never forgot a face, and that he’d remember Solomon’s. It was time to test the theory. He wondered if Lowell would also remember the letter he sent the Flints - the beginning of a downright spiral that had not long ago found him clutching a backpack with purpose as he marched through Hogwarts’ dark corridors, a goodbye on his lips. But he doubted it - that was a lesson he’d learned at age ten, watching Gregory Flint move on after Allegra Renfield could not. Sparing no thought for those below was a perk of power.

He shoved the cigarette back in his pocket and walked on, meeting Lowell’s eyes across the room, before a familiar face put himself between them. “Hi,” Solo greeted enthusiastically, “long time no see. It seems like it was just yesterday that you’ve dragged me out of the Slug Party. I still remember our moment fondly. Are we having another moment right now? I feel like we are.” The man didn’t bulge, unamused, but the Minister told him to step aside. 

Then it was just the two of them again, a battle of wits.

“Mr. Minister, sir,” Solomon greeted him, using the same words he’d used the first time, all sugar coated venom and pureblood politeness: “May I shake you hand?” He reached out, suddenly that more aware it was the same arm that had been broken the night they met. Pomfrey had mended it perfectly. They exchanged amenities, before Solomon cut to the chase, voice low, expression neutral: “So, that was a major fuck up, huh? I mean, you could be behind the whole thing in a dangerous game to sway the public opinion in favor or more strict werewolf regulations, but either way, there are werewolves around Hogwarts. That must be awkward.” He remembered the beast watching him from the woods clearly, even through the fog of vampire’s blood in his mind.

Lowell’s own smile remained in place. “And what do you think? Am I guilty or just stupid?”

Solomon wanted to say stupid, just for the pleasure of it, the way the word filled his mouth with purpose; but he knew better. Lowell was smart - too smart, maybe. “Well, you’re not stupid, so I guess you must be guilty.” Solo offered, then adding, almost as an afterthought: “Sir.”

 Lowell didn’t flinch.”And if I’m guilty, you’re accusing me of murdering a good woman in order to sway public opinion?”

“Me? I would never. You’re the one saying it, sir. I’m merely conjecturing. The alternative is that a bunch of-- how do you say, animals, is running circles around you, so which one is it?” Solo quipped. It was funny, using the exact same word that others had used to describe him since he was a boy: animal. But animals, he thought, survived by instinct. 

“No one ever said that werewolves were stupid.” Lowell quickly responded, unphased. The man could talk his way out of a Dementor’s kiss. “Instinctive, yes, but as has been demonstrated, some have found ways to stay conscious during the transformation. Human intelligence paired with animalistic power is a deady combination. I myself am only human, Solomon. Would you like me to admit to you that I don’t know everything? That I have flaws?” Lowell Tegus had many flaws indeed - but being weak was not one of them, so he continued: “There are some at the Ministry who get in by name alone. I'm sure a few quite close to home come to mind," and offered Solomon a knowing look - Cuthbert Flint’s name hanging in the air between them, unsaid. Gregory’s only male son, legitimate heir to the Flint legacy - weak willed and spineless. "But I've always aimed to see past a family title and to a person's own abilities. someone capable of making a name for themselves - not by blood, but by talent. Ingenuity. Intelligence. And it would be an honour to help foster that for you, Solomon. To see you reach your full potential."

That gave Solomon pause.

Last time they met, they had been enemies - opponents. Now Lowell Tegus stood there, offering him-- something. "What exactly are you offering? Last time you kicked me out of a party for our divergences, are you sure you could help foster anything?"

"You're probably aware that there's a time and a place for everything. A party where the enjoyment of others is paramount? Not the best place for a discussion on politics. But somewhere private, where we both have room to think and speak? I would be more than glad to engage with you. From what I know of you, Solomon, you're a talented young man with a promising future. You've rather a knack for duelling, no?" Lowell asked, and Solomon could feel his insides shifting - wariness and pride battling inside him. 

"Best in the club. Why, you're about to offer me an auror position? Last time I wasn't a talented young man, I was a charity case, if I remember correctly." Solomon knew Lowell was a politician - he’d say anything you wanted to hear. The fact he knew exactly what Solomon wanted to hear was what disturbed - and intrigued him the most.

No one would ever say Solomon Renfield had a promising future unless they were talking about a career in the sex trade.

"I get the feeling that you're no one's charity case, Solomon. Someone like you is going to do things on their own terms. But I can't simply give you an auror position, no. That requires training, but if you were interested in that path, I have no doubt you'd succeed. I was thinking something that utilised both your skill with a wand and your mind, which you've proven is very sharp indeed." Lowell continued, and Solomon could feel his own resolve weaken.

Someone like you, the Minister said. Usually they meant it as an insult - a servant, a savage, a bastard. Something lesser, feral, vulgar. But Lowell meant it as someone strong, and Solomon would be lying if he said it didn’t sway him the tiniest bit. For all his apathy and cynicism, he’d spent an entire life craving Gregory’s affection, like a prize waiting just around the corner, feeding on the imprints of the love his mother held for the man, left behind well after her passing. He needed that validation that never came - and Lowell offered it freely. "...And what would that be?" The question sounded careful, guarded, to his own ears. 

"Working closely on my team. Intelligence, reconnaissance, on the ground making a difference. I need people versatile enough to hold their own and to stimulate new ideas of their own, too. You seen more than capable already at such a young age." The Minister offered. Solomon hated how much he didn’t hate hearing that at all. He remembered roaming the streets, nowhere to go, nowhere to return to, weightless and lost among a crowd of drunks and addicts, half dead by choice or inertia.

"That how you silence your detractors? You should try offering Lysander a position, then." He spat back, quickly, as if to defend himself.

Lowell no longer looked amused. "I doubt very much if an institution such as the Ministry is right for someone like Lysander. How do you come to know his name?"

He thought of Jack and the bonfire on Valentine’s day, the howlers in the dining hall, the fight that never ceased, burning like embers behind his friend’s eyes. "Someone left him a message on the grounds the same day Vector died. Unfortunate coincidence."

"Quite. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that message would you, Solomon?"

"Not a thing. I've never been known to leave a party early in my life." Solo didn’t even blink, lying straight through his teeth with the same ease he’d laughed after the Howlers died down this morning.

"Unless otherwise forced," Lowell added, with a smile. "You might not care for me or my administration, but Lysander is not the answer. Better the enemy you know."

Solomon smiled this time and it wasn’t trained or forced.

"I live with the enemy I know, Mr. Tegus. It hasn't done me much good." He replied, arching an eyebrow. There was some unamed tension in the air, some underlying tones to their banter, pulsing just under the surface, luring him closer. This wasn’t the same as the Slug Club Party - there was another sort of intensity to their words, and to his own shock, the ravenclaw found himself enjoying it. 

"If you think the Flints are the worst you'll face, you have much to learn. Are you scared, Solomon? Of finding worse out there?" Lowell’s question was loaded, heavy, and Solo found himself inching closer, wanting more.

"You're only scared when you've got something to lose, Mr. Tegus." 

There was a pause in which they measured each other, attraction burning under Solo’s skin. Lowell was playing him - he knew that, but maybe two could play that game. Or maybe, a small voice in his head whispered, maybe you want to be played. "Let me help you find something that you're willing to fight for. That you don't want to lose. That, I've found, is also a strong motivator to fight - and a much better reward for when you win." Lowell said, and Solo wanted to believe - but he had never been a believer, and faith was never his strongest suit. 

"What if I do find something to fight, and that thing is you, Sir?" Solomon asked, and the veiled threat sounded more like an invitation.

"Then I suppose I might have a challenge on my hands,’ the Minister smiled, "I would, of course, prefer not to fight you. I feel that we could work well together, you and I. Don't you?"

"I do. But all that tells me is that we're too much alike, and if you're anything like me, I can't trust you, Mr. Tegus. If you're anything like me, you'll do anything to survive, and those are the dangerous ones. Don't you think?" He quipped. Too close.

"Undoubtedly. The survivors are the ones who will do anything - but I'm not so much like that. We're alike in mind but not nature, our instincts and reactions quite different. I think that we would instead be rather compatible, rather than repellent, to one another. Sometimes a challenge can be quite... stimulating." And the way he said it had Solo shivering, one hand playing with the cigarette in his pocket, "besides, I think you and I could play nice, don't you? You seem like you could behave like a good boy if there was something in it for you." 

Solomon crushed the cigarette between nimble fingers. He had never been good, but the way Lowell said it had him willing to say I do. “We’ll see about that.” 

And soon there were other students pushing to have their own time with the Minister, eager to meet the man, shake his hand. Solomon fell back, eyes still on Tegus, body on fire. Later on, his pack of cigarettes would remain untouched - he had something else in his hand, touching himself angrily in the shower. There was no shame in it, and the only thing to swallow was his pride. Lowell Tegus was a politician; he was cunning, calculating, charming; he could talk anyone into believing the sky was green, and when he talked of a promising future, Solomon, who couldn’t even see himself after graduation, almost believed him.   

But between hate and faith, he’d always pick hate.

And he hated how much he wanted Lowell to be right.