#funnily enough i am having this exact feeling about posting this!

[official-bunbun]

Sometimes it feels like the correct thing to do is to just stay silent. What do those words cause aside from problems, anyway?

I very frequently feel like I did or said something wrong, that people are secretly upset with me and that I have to be hyper aware of my every syllable. It's stressful and it's upsetting, and even being assured that I've not done something bad won't stop that feeling. I want to be able to interact with people without wondering if they secretly are upset and just won't tell me, I want to be able to take what's said at face value rather than latching onto the assumption that I'm the problem. It makes it so hard to properly connect with anyone

[starlightshadowsworld]

I just saw your earlier post about Percy being protective over Jason and i sooo agree I mean it’s literally canon at this point because at the end of blood of Olympus, Percy was almost ready to fight alongside Jason when he was defending Apollo and asking Zeus to not put the blame on one single person (my precious Jason 🥹) and then in a lot of the other extra books such as Greek heroes and Greek gods, Percy mentions Jason when telling anecdotes and it’s so sweet like I don’t remember the exact scenes rn as it’s been years since I’ve read the book but I feel like they were surely there 😅😅 idk why people always pit them against each other so much when the only time they truly fought was during mark of Athena and that was under Hera’s influence 🥲 it truly feels like everyone is always projecting their hate of Jason on their favourite characters and it’s really sad to see 😓

But I also had to tell you I love your thoughts on Jason a lot so thanks so much for sharing them. It’s so hard to find people who like Jason in this fandom and I am glad to have found your account but funnily enough I first found your account because of Odasaku and loved your thoughts on him too 😅😅 (sorry for the rant!!)

Don't apologise this is so sweet 😊 I'm really glad you like my silly lil thoughts on these silly lil guys.

Unfortunately Rick decided trying to redo the Thalia Percy rivalry with Jason and Percy. And decided to pit em against each other.

Which, I'd argue is dumb and so I instead love to focus on them being friends. The only time those two fought was when they were possessed.

Jason is very underatted and I adore him. Percy would fight Zeus if that shit went too far.

I am suprised you found me through my Odasaku posts, man I should talk about him more. But glad to have you here :)

[terrasitic]

i cannot fucking wait for my next concert, im seeing so many of my favourite bands this spring (dying fetus, 200 stab wounds, sanguisugabogg, peeling flesh, 1349, spectral wound, ect!)

i saw cattle decapitation in december for the 2nd time and got to meet the band and have a picture with them, and ugh, i can go on and on about how the metal community saved me in so many different ways.

funnily enough, the metal scene helps my nonhumanity a lot. it's one of the only places i can go and truly let out every single animalistic feeling i have whether it being in the pit, or just screaming, yelling, and growling all night long and nobody bats an eye.

i love the feeling i get post-concert when im on the metro, i smell like sweat and beer, covered in bruises, sometimes blood, and all-around just looking disgusting. it's one of the most freeing feelings.

its like for once in a blue moon i can finally let go of this disguise and stop masking who i am for a few hours in public and blend right in because there's humans in the same vicinity as me doing the exact same things.

[sitp-recs]

3 Tacky shorts to read this week

I ran against time to get this post out before midnight ET but am still a bit late 🥲 I know T won’t mind so here’s my belated gift to my sun and stars, my first and dearest partner in crime @tackytigerfic! T, I have no words to describe how much I appreciate our friendship. It’s been so special to experience this fandom with you in the last few years. I love that we immediately hit off and share one stupid brain cell when it comes to these idiots; it feels like we’ve known each other forever and 24 hours (especially living so far apart) is not enough to talk fic, headcanons, kinks, squicks and all other irl and existencial topics with you. Navigating such a big fandom can be really scary but even when nobody knew me I’d never feel lonely, invisible or like I had to pretend to be someone else, because I had you by my side. Thank you so so much for being my safe harbour, my sicko soulmate, my confidant, my role model and my biggest cheerleader!

As I thought of new ways to celebrate your day I tried to remember which fics I hadn’t written a rec for. I came to realize that I was never able to put my thoughts into words when it comes to my 3 favorite short fics of yours. They got me in such a Drarry fever, a tingling incoherent state of emotional devastation that I immediately put away the idea of doing recs because there was no possible way to translate my raw, ugly and chaotic feels about them. I tend to do this with fics that leave me with the so-called hangover once I’m done; funnily enough, the last time this happened - when I read Lettered’s By the Grace - it was you who helped me get that rec out by reviewing it and cheering me along the way, tysm 🥹 now it’s time to respond in kind and share love for these short gems that I have the privilege to revisit every time I need some comfort food. Lucky me, it turns out my best pal writes the exact brand of tender romance that checks all of my boxes. You are a fantastic friend and such a brilliant, talented writer. I love and admire you, and I’m so proud of everything you’ve achieved. Can’t wait to see what comes next. Happy day T! 💜

👩‍🚀 Far Side + Relic Radiation (M, 1.7k)

Draco goes into space, leaving behind his son Scorpius (who has just started at Hogwarts, at least), and his not-quite-boyfriend Harry Potter. But Harry can't stop loving Draco just because he's approximately 408km up, in constant orbit.

“You’ll kill that plant,” Draco said, and flicked a lazy charm over the pot with his fingers so the spicy smell of the lavender sharpened the night air.

“You’ll kill me,” Harry said, and Draco turned his face towards the darkened sky, lunar pale, his profile some stupid unearthly thing—a flaring blazar, a supernova—in the light from the kitchen window.

When I say the heart kick factor may hit you in the solar plexus when you least expect, this is what I’m talking about. I’ve obsessed so much over these 2 tiny shorts with single dad!Draco (one of the tropes Tacky does magic with, they are so disgustingly romantic and emotionally satisfying - gimme T’s dad!Draco anthology or give me nothing!!!) that I came up with a whole theory to prove these stories are actually connected. Whether I’m on the right track or just another delusional reader it’s yet to be seen 🤣 Draco’s devotion to baby Scorpius - and Harry’s gentle yearning for the both of them - does things to my poor heart I can’t quite put into words. Let that boy have his found family happy ending, damn it. Every time I reread these gems I get teared up and wish I could stay in this verse forever, watching Scorp grow while these two lovely men find each other time and again. To make your heart melt a bit more, check the breathtaking artwork by the one and only @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm. I cannot— *cries in Drarry*

🏜️ Between the Power Lines (M, 3k)

For Harry Potter, all roads eventually lead to Draco Malfoy.

In New Orleans, they got drunk on Bourbon Street, and Malfoy danced on his own (arms bare, laughing; Harry could have watched him all night) and later on, so late it was almost morning, they let themselves into the St Louis Cemetery—Malfoy unpicking the lock so sweetly—and walked around until the sky was pink-edged with the promise of another day’s heat. Then they sat on the steps of a crypt, watched over by sightless eyes of the statue of an angel. She looked exhausted rather than sad, Harry thought, and that made a lot of sense when he thought about his own longstanding, dull-edged grief.

The best word to describe this (literally) hot fic is “atmospheric”. T does a flawless job building impeccable Americana vibes and packing so much story while keeping it 100% character-driven. I love the elegant, contained, confident writing, I love the evocative prose and how the mutual attraction bleeds through these quiet but intense road trip vignettes. The scenario is rich and immersive, the heat so palpable you can almost taste it, and the confession at the end is my definition of peak romance. A whole sensorial experience, both introspective and exciting, vibrant and melancholy, packed within 3k. Absolutely genius.

🎯Aim For My Heart (M, 3.4k)

Harry's in love, Ron's in control, and Draco just wants a nice lunch. They say three's a crowd, but Harry doesn't always agree. Not when he gets to be in the middle, anyway.

Neither of them had asked Harry what he likes best about them, but Harry watches them and feels the sick curl of excitement low in his belly, like something lost and gained all at once, and he wonders what he’d say if they did ask; would it be mouth or hands or arse, the gleam of clean hair or the hidden scent of a freshly-revealed patch of skin, blue eyes or grey? He doesn’t think he’d tell them what he really loves the most, and that’s the fact that both of them have been his for such a long time, in one way or another, and he loves that he gets to keep them.

For reference, this will always be the Dronarry classic I refer to when I think about this ship. The way Tacky explored the implications and complications of a triad relationship in its early stages (I am so fucking weak for that mix of want, jealousy and vulnerability) combined with exquisite characterization is so well executed I could cry. Beyond that banger of a starting line (“Big hands,” Draco says, and blushes) that made me blush and squeal in delight, Harry’s POV is a triumph. He’s genuinely lovely and relatable in all his yearning and insecurities, soft and longing for both Draco and Ron. The ideia of him realizing that he gets to be loved by, and keep the two people he loves the most in the world, makes my heart burst with warmth. I can pinpoint all the small, quiet but meaningful moments that made my breath stutter and my heart beat faster. This fic is a masterclass in elaborating complex and conflicting emotions, while solving them with a light hand of tenderness and understanding. It is subtle but efficient and all-encompassing in a way that stays with you for a long time after you’ve finished reading. The perfect triad fic.

[pewpewpugh]

My Roommates Sister: part 2

Me again. I hope you enjoy part 2 as much as I enjoyed writing it! I think I'll be posting a chapter a week depending on my schedule :)

Arabella had fallen asleep in the taxi, and had refused to wake up when we arrived, resulting in Florence and I attempting to get her to bed safely. The whole time we were both holding in our laughter, trying to be quiet so that we didn't wake the neighbours as we dragged her drunk ass across the complex to our apartment. It took a while, but eventually we were able to get her into her room, where she collapsed on the bed, and didn't move another muscle.

"Wow, her head is going to hurt tomorrow" she chuckled, putting a blanket over her sister.

We headed into the living room, both of us collapsing on the sofa. I grabbed the TV remote and opened Netflix, searching for something easy to watch. I settled on Friends, which Florence seemed content with as she sang along to the theme song quietly, so quietly she probably didn't even realise she was doing it.

"You have a nice voice" I complimented, turning my head to look at her reaction.

"Shit, sorry. I didn't even realise I was singing along"

"It's fine, honestly. I wasn't kidding, you do have a nice voice"

She grinned at me before she pulled an expression, the exact same expression I've seen her sister pull a million times, and it is usually followed by a question.

"What are you thinking?"

"How did you know I was thinking anything?!"

"You and Bella pull the same expression" I smirked, "What are you thinking"

"Pizza" she paused, before nodding, "can we please have pizza?"

"Oh, that I can do!" I ran into the kitchen to grab the menus, throwing them at Florence as I came back in to the room. "Take your pick, Flossie"

"I'm going to regret telling you that nickname, aren't I?"

"Just pick a pizza so we can eat"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was laughing at me. She was actually laughing at me. It was 4:30am, the pizza was consumed, and we'd somehow gotten on to the conversation of embarrassing moments, and I happened to tell her about the time I fell over, bambi style, right in front of an ex. She thought it was hilarious, and looking back on it now, it probably is, but damn.

"Okay, I have a good story" She claimed, smirking at me, "I was trying to impress this... hm, okay hang on" she paused, looking worried all of a sudden, "For the sake of the story I just need to clear the air and let you know that, well, I don't know if Bella mentioned..." Florence paused for a moment, staring at me while she processed her thoughts, "I'm queer".

"Funnily enough, she hadn't, but so am I" I chuckled, not expecting those words to come out of her mouth. Like, it had crossed my mind that she might be (more like I hoped she would be) but I didn't think it would actually come up in conversation, especially this early into us meeting. However, having it confirmed made me feel a little more hopeful about the teeny, tiny crush I could feel myself developing for her, "but carry on"

I wish I had a camera in that moment because Florence's face was a picture. It was something I wanted to remember forever, honestly. She looked like a deer caught in headlights. A really cute deer.

"Okay so, hm..." Florence chuckled at the memory, "I was trying to impress this girl that was a couple of years older than me at school, and so I joined the chess club..." By the end of the story, I was in stitches. I was laughing so hard at Florence's misfortune, that I had tears streaming down my face.

"Oh, you poor thing" I said between laughter.

"Shut up" she grinned at me, "Your story wasn't any better"

She wasn't wrong, honestly. I shrugged, letting her know that I agreed with her comment, and we settled in to a comfortable silence. Friends was still playing on the television, and I was in to the episode, just like I always am. There's something about the show that hooks me. And even though I was into the show, I was very much aware of the girl beside me. I was aware of my heartbeat and how it raced when she said anything. I was aware of how my heart skipped when she giggled. And I was VERY aware of how every time she looked over at me, I thought my heart was going to jump out of my throat. I'll admit it, I liked her. That scared me. It scared me more than anything else on this earth, because feelings always lead me to heartbreak, and I can't go through that again.

Florence yawned beside me, and as I looked at her I could see her eyes drooping from the need to sleep. I turned the tv off, stood from the settee and grabbed her hand, pulling her up.

"You, Uh. You can sleep in my bed" I said softly, looking her in the eye and feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, "I'll sleep on the sofa tonight"

Slowly Florence shook her head no, and pulled me out of the living room and down the corridor. We paused outside of my room.

"We can stay in the same bed, right? That's okay. Between friends. Friends share beds all the time" I heard her say. My heart sank at the word 'friend' but she was right, friends do share beds all the time. I nodded okay, and followed her in to my room. I gave her a shirt and some shorts to sleep in, and threw the packet of makeup wipes in her direction. We got ready for bed in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was nice.

The next morning I woke up remembering the events of the night before. The alcohol, the party, the girl. I opened my eyes to be blessed with the sight of Florence asleep in front of me. God, she was beautiful. I closed my eyes for a few minutes, just encouraging myself to wake up a little before I got out of bed, and when I opened my eyes again, Florence was already looking at me. She gave me a small smile, which radiated with shyness but indicating that she'd just woken up herself, before rolling on to her back.

"Morning" she mumbled, throwing her arm over her eyes and resting it there. I didn't respond with words. I just made a sound. Florence giggled and the room was silent again.

I heard movement in the apartment, indicating that Arabella was now awake. I wonder how she's feeling right now. Let's face it, she was OUT of it yesterday, it was amazing to see. I sat up slowly and untangled my legs from the quilt, before heading into the living room, leaving Florence in bed.

"Morning" I said softly, being mindful of Bella's hangover, "how are you feeling?"

"Did you hit me with your car last night?" she asked from the sofa, "because it feels like someone did"

Before I could respond, I heard movement from my bedroom, and a few moments later Florence appeared at my side.

"Morning sis"

"Flo, what the fuck" my roommate mumbled, frowning at the two of us, "full offence but what are you doing here?" Florence rolled her eyes at the comment and headed over to sit with her sister. I noticed she'd gotten changed into her jeans, but had thrown on the burgundy sweater I'd left hung up on my wardrobe door.

"Nice sweater" I said quietly for only Florence to hear as she passed me. She grinned, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. Okay she's cute. I can handle cute. I can handle this tiny crush I have on her, that's easy. So easy. Yep. It'd be a lot easier if she didn't look cute as hell in my sweater though.

"Someone" Flo smirked, "not naming any names but it begins with A and ends in Ela, got so drunk last night that her housemate couldn't carry her. I lent a helping hand and then just crashed here for the night"

Arabella groaned, "I'm never drinking again"

"Until next time" I commented, throwing myself on to the sofa chair, "I'm going to order breakfast, what is everyone having?"

We ate. We whined about how hungover we were. We mocked Arabella who didn't appreciate being ganged up on. It was a painful but calm morning, and then I decided to jump in the shower. While I was gone, Arabella took it as an opportunity to corner her sister.

————— Florence's point of view —————

"Did you sleep with Soph???" Arabella's head span around so fast I thought she was going to give herself whiplash.

"No!" I defended myself, "I told you I just crashed here!"

My sister scowled at me and I could feel myself getting nervous. Can she tell that I like Soph? My sister knows me better than I know myself, so it really wouldn't surprise me if she already knew how I felt about the tiny ray of sunshine that had just left the room.

"That's her sweater" she pointed out. Oh, fuck.

"I only have my clothes from last night and I am not putting my crop top back on. I'll look like I'm doing the walk of shame leaving this place."

"But are you?" Arabella asked again but kinder, like she was just looking for gossip now and not an argument.

I shrugged. I mean, I wasn't doing the walk of shame technically.  But I would be leaving with one thing I didn't have yesterday, and that was feelings for a girl I'd just met. Arabella squealed in my ear, "you like her!" I gave her a real smile in response this time. There was no point in denying it. I did like her. I wanted to get to know her more, take her on dates, hold her hand in public. I'd not even known the girl 24 hours and I was already going down a road I promised myself I wouldn't go down again.

"Uh yeah... about that" I said quietly as I heard the shower turn off in the bathroom, "I was kind of, maybe... hoping that, if it's okay with you, that I ask Soph out on a date?"

"Flossie, babe... you don't have to ask me for permission"

"I just don't want to make things awkward around here for you" I confessed.

My sister took my hand and squeezed it softly. "Let yourself feel. You've not let yourself feel for so long... it's okay" I didn't know how to respond, she was right, I'd shut myself off from feelings and relationships for so long, I was struggling with how to cope with a potential new one, but she carried on speaking, "In all honesty, when I found out that Soph was gay, my first thought was to try and set you two up... I just had a feeling."

"Had a feeling about what?" I heard Soph ask as she walked into the living room in jogging bottoms and a tank top. Wow. She's cute. Really cute. So cute in fact that I could feel the feelings I had for her doubling just by looking at her. I was screwed, wasn't I?

"Uhhhh" i panicked. It was now or never I guess. I stood from the sofa and walked towards Sophie. As I stood directly in front of her, I took both of her hands in mine and entwined my fingers with hers. I noticed as she looked down at our hands momentarily, before glancing at my face, "I was actually just asking my sister whether it was okay to ask you out on a date... on Friday... with me..."

I paused. She paused. I thought I'd fucked up and was about to pull away when she responded.

"I'd love to"

[williamrikers]

please ignore if this is overstepping/ you don't feel like answering but after reading the tags on your ofts posts, i am curious what you think the kinks of the main casts are! especially since i cannot imagine anything for topmew but this might also give interesting inside into their dynamic that i might have missed. thanks in advance! - @ctl-yuejie

hi, thanks for your ask! this isn't overstepping at all, i love getting asks like this 🥰

so, i never actually thought about this for all of the ofts characters much because i've been way obsessed with mew and top's weirdass dynamic and i've just been enjoying the other couples as they've been shown on screen. HOWEVER! after getting this ask i spent a bit of time contemplating this question and now, i can absolutely tell you my headcanons for each of the couples! 😏

sandray

from what we've seen in episode 9, i'd say that in the beginning of their relationship, ray is absolutely 100% a pillow princess and his insistence that mew missed the best night of his life is complete bullshit, mostly because mew does Not want a pillow princess (i'll come back to that in a bit haha). anyway, ray just has to make big eyes and say na na naaa and sand will do whatever ray wants in bed. since sand is into taking care of people, this works out extremely well for both of them.

however, in episode 9 sand also had those lines about masochism and spanking, so i can kind of see them going in that direction once they're a bit more secure in their relationship. i think sand would probably go wild for acts of service (clear goals, clear accomplishments, feeling useful, lots of praise). i could also see them doing the occasional roleplay.

bostonnick

can't nobody tell me that nick isn't into voyeurism. that man was listening to the sex tape of doom on repeat. from the way he enjoyed toying with atom, i'd say he also loves a roleplay fantasy. maybe a bit of light breathplay too? other than that, i got nothing. funnily enough, apart from, again, voyeurism, boston reads pretty vanilla to me. but i imagine he'll try everything nick suggests at least once.

mewtop

the one you've been waiting for. YES, mew should put top on his knees like YESTERDAY and let them both have catharsis through bdsm already. these two are the ones who would benefit the most from incorporating kinky play into their lives.

SO. what are they into in my opinion? well, to me, mew reads very much dominant. their scene in 6 [4/4] haunts me day and night, mew pushing top down on the bed like that and holding his arms in place while top grins like he's just entered his wildest dreams... yeah, so they're definitely into bondage and top giving up control to mew. i can very much see them playing with more of a bratty vibe, like top playfully resisting and mew reining him in. i also very much see sensation play for them (somebody give mew a flogger already 😭), clothespins, hot wax, ice cubes, blindfolding, the works. these are two people who would buy a whole wardrobe full of toys and plan out when and how to use them in exact detail. also, these guys have money. they will hire a private instructor to teach them everything they need to know about aerial suspension and then have a room in their home outfitted to be able to do that on the weekends.

that said, i do see mew as someone who enjoys making his partner work for it. like i said above, i don't think mew would really know what to do with a pillow princess like ray, i think he would very much enjoy top pushing back and challenging him a little, physically resisting, talking back to him when he gives orders and so on, because that would make the eventual "victory" even sweeter for him.

conversely, what i could definitely also see for these two is some ddlb style play because top does have deep-seated childhood trauma and bdsm could very much help him heal from that. this would be completely separate from all of the aforementioned play i outlined and mostly emotional. (they have a google calendar set up to coordinate what type of play they do on which day. ngl i do see both of them as the playing by schedule types.)

those are my thoughts! hope this was fun 😊 what do you think?

[ghostmartyr]

Dignity's overrated, right?

Shout-out to anyone who's had a suicidal spiral over a fictional story.

There's a few versions of this post I might make one day, but right now I think that's the best thing I can say about it.

(But then I kept typing, so you get a cut with a bunch of vulnerable rambling about how a comic book made me want to die enough that I finally got medicated for my psychological disorder. Like and subscribe.)

Because as excruciating as life felt when I wanted to die, the humiliation I felt even inside my own head over the trigger made it difficult to talk about and difficult to process.

I wasted a lot of energy being ashamed of not even having a 'justifiable' reason to kill myself. I continue to waste a lot of energy on the exact type of thinking that landed me there, and even typing this, I'm well aware that the literal last ten times I've wanted to kill myself, fiction was the catalyst. Because of a lot of flawed internal processes, the eleventh time coming up will probably share the love.

It is so easy to get caught up in just... how childish it feels, and discount everything because of that. Except one of the things I'm slowly coming around to is that this is some of the problem. I was very seriously considering sentencing myself to death for reacting badly to fiction, and I get that a "yikes, lol" is pretty much considered the correct response to that.

But I needed something to go right, and I found A Thing, and it didn't go right, and that destroyed what was left of my will to live. And even though I know that I'm one bad day away from that same emotional response kicking in, every time I think about it, there isn't a thought of "I'm glad I didn't kill myself."

It is entirely shame, because I look at myself and what I care about, and my first reaction to having an emotion about it is "you shouldn't feel that, that's an overreaction." Which goes unnoticed when it's a happy silliness like dissolving into ship brain rot, because yeah, it's a silly overreaction to some pixels. Why should I shy away from calling it silly? It is.

I don't think anything anyone said would have helped me back then. Medication came in clutch. But I guess, really thinking about it... We all have heard the "your feelings are valid" words and all the caveats that go with them.

Even if you think your feelings are silly, you are not. Your emotions are worthy of compassion because they're part of you. However you got wherever you are emotionally... Don't dismiss yourself. Meet yourself where you're at.

I wanted to die over a comic book. I love stories enough that they fully have the power to hurt me. That is a dangerous place to be in, and that danger deserves my actual respect.

It's not ideal, but that sense that I was actually in trouble, regardless of the reasons, is what got me back in therapy and got me medicated.

Being ashamed of myself only ever made me lock myself away until I was so alone that I had new reasons to want to die.

And in case I have not made this clear: wanting to die really, really sucks. It's a terrible experience, terrible feeling, and funnily enough I think I would have been much happier without it.

Life is worth living. It really, really is.

I was in a place where a single story could take that belief away.

That isn't silly, it's horrifying.

I am glad I'm alive. A ton of stuff sucks, but I have had so much happiness in the past year alone, and I get to hug my dog every single day if I want to. I am alive, and I want to be, and despite and because of the whole everything about it, I will continue with it.

And I don't really have a conclusion because I was honestly just going to leave it at the first few sentences and go to bed. Some things never change.

[nyctohyloph0bia]

⟢ : «❀» Re-coining of Astylic «❀» «❀»A-styl-ic❀»

Originally coined by @/transolar on Sep 23, 2022 after it was requested by me as 🐈🌺 anon.

↳ Definition.

"A gender that is or is connected to a particular art-style, process of drawing and/or the outcome. The gender can be expressed by the lines, rendering, color and shading of the art. One may feel dysphoria if the outcome isn't expressed in the exact artstyle. One's art style could change, be fluid, have multiple they either change in-between of or just are, etc."

↳ Why would one be astylic?

-They feel as if their neurodivergency affects the way in which they view and understand their gender. One of the ways they can visualize or put down in paper what their feelings are is through art, particularly a specific art-style. -One associates their gender with a particular art-style.

I imagine there could be a million reasons as to why one would be astylic, but in the end, one needs to have their gender connected to art-style or the gender itself being the art-style.

↳ My experience.

When I originally requested Astylic, I hadn't fully put down in a clean cut way how it felt in text, I could only explain it through long, weirdly metaphorical sentences. Since very early on, the only way I could truly express myself was through art; it was the tool that I used to how I understood the world, the lens through which I viewed it. Which funnily enough, is because of my autism and especially affected by my synaesthesia. In my mind, everyone has a designated art-style of their own, it can change and be affected by the own persons artstyle because after all, it is their art-style that they made for themselves. And I've had one designated to myself since a long time ago, but I could never truly grasp it, sometimes it'd change slighty or a lot. At first I thought it was just my perfectionism, but after a while, I realized that not everyone feels as if their entire body is wrong because when you look at your art-style the first thought is "That's not me, that's not how I'm supposed to look like, that is not who I am". As if my art-style were my body, one that doesn't fit until I finally achieved the one that is who I was, my gender. I remember the first time I had gender euphoria, it was lovely, such peace, I felt so right. What I was looking at was finally me.

↳ Who can use this?

This was made for people who are autistic and/or have synesthesia that's like this or similar, but generally anyone who feels it fits them or resonates with the label and the experiences tied to this gender.

I would prefer people who fall under my DNI not interact directly, though.

DNI basic criteria, radqueers, anti-anti/proship, rad anti-profic (pro-censorship, pro-harassment and/or anti-nuance), anti-endo, anti-sfw agere/petre, zionists.

↳ This is just almost describes what I feel! Does it fall under it if ___?

The answer is most likely yes, if you feel this in any way describes what you feel, then you can snatch it for yourself. But you are always welcomed to make microlabels about it!

Originally posted: 06/05/2024 | Last edited: 20/08/2024

[putschki1969]

Hello Puts!

Happy New Year and Merry Christmas ❄️

How are you doing? How were your holidays?

I have a question/thought about Hikaru?

I'm so worried about what she's going to do next. Will she continue to sing? On the one hand, the fact that the contract was not renewed is logical - it is obvious that the agency could not offer her anything new. But what's next?

Hello there!

Thank you! All the best to you as well!

I have honestly felt quite drained in the past few weeks.T_T After getting back from Japan I went straight back to work. I haven’t really had time to rest properly. This has frustrated me to no end because I still want to write a bunch of reports about my Japan trip but damn it, I just can’t bring myself to do it *sighs* Anyways, enough complaining, I will get to that stuff eventually! Now let’s see what we can do about your question.

It’s a really good question and I have been wondering the same thing. Hikaru’s current situation is quite literally a mess but in her New Year’s post she was pretty straight-forward about wanting to continue to make music in some shape or form. I expect her to make some guest appearance this year and maybe we’ll even see the one or the other collaboration (possibly with Keiko). She doesn’t seem to have the means to organise proper one-man-lives at the moment so she has to rely on small gigs with other artists. Let’s hope she can move past that soon. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy she has some work at least but performing three songs in a tiny live house in front of a hundred people won’t get her far in terms of reaching a wider audience (or even her loyal fanbase). I know it’s not necessarily her goal anymore to become popular but I would want her events to be a bit more accessible.

I am glad she has her theater commitment right now because that seems to keep her busy and happy. I briefly mentioned it in my report of the Ambient Border -DAWN- event but it’s obvious that she feels very comfortable with the C.C.C theater group members. It’s a good thing to see her this carefree and passionate about something. The fact that Hikaru gets to sing not only one but two songs (Ambient Border & Under the Rain) for the upcoming play gives me hope that there will be some sort of CD release accompanying the show. Also, please let there be a broadcast like last time! I am so curious about her performance!

With all her involvement in theater work, I wonder if this is maybe her slow transition into musicals? I mean, it would be the next logical step for her. It’s what Hikaru started out doing as a kid and teenager. It’s obviously something she enjoys and from what we have seen so far, she can quite masterfully tackle the acting part. These days there are quite a lot of Japanese artists who are doing musicals once in a while. Her vocal range might not be suitable for all roles but then again, if singers with the most generic anisong voices (e.g .May’n or Nana Mizuki) can do musicals, so can Hikaru!! Unfortunately, the Spice guy and his theater gang don’t strike me as particularly influential in the entertainment industry so they probably cannot help Hikaru get a foot in the door of the musical world.

As far as Hikaru’s YouTube videos are concerned, I have no idea where she is heading with her channel. I am enjoying her stuff a lot but it doesn’t really seem to lead anywhere. There is no way she is gonna attract a wider audience with her current content, especially since there are a ton of other Japanese YouTubers out there who are doing the exact same thing. That specific influencer/content creator market is already very saturated. In my opinion, she should really post more music-related videos because music is what she is known for so she has a big advantage in that field...

Everyone, feel free to chime in...

UPDATE:

Funnily enough,Hikaru posted this tweet today (January 15). Sometimes I feel like she reads my blog XD

I've received several messages about work inquiries and while I would like to talk about them with you I am currently not able to. It hurts me to say that this disingenuous state will continue and I am honestly so sorry about it. I'm working hard to reach a place where I can openly talk with everyone and explain the situation. Please rest assured that I will tell you everything as soon as I am able to.

[prisonguards]

@astronomical-bagel

I am. SO terribly sorry about how long this took to reply to, my brain wanted to sit down and write an Essay for u but Ive been. SO BUSY. But seriously Ive been treasuring and hoarding this ask :) its SOOOO so so nice that other people enjoy them as much as I do and Im so happy I could help collect us a little with the tag ^--^ we are all friends now <3 EDIT ALSO TUMBLR ATE THE FUCKING ASK???? I did have screenshot of ur ask thankfully, Im soooo pissed tho idk where it went

So Im gonna go into my history with them a bit cause I kinda got into them backwards ig augshsg. Or at least different from how most ppl in the tag/posting abt them rn are. I was primarily a Traffic and Emp S1 smallidarity guy for the longest time! Funnily enough I was a late adopter of Emp S2 smallidarity (enemies to lovers usually isnt my thing) but the way the community latched onto it and got everyone talking about them really, really got me invested (also getting kin feels helped /shot. Who said that.) I think the other funny thing is that smallidarity is a dynamic where I like the platonic version (almost) equally as much as the romantic—I push for the romantic just because its easiest to collect ppl with a shiptag (although I did intend Smallidarity to be both a platonic and a romantic tag, ftr. Post both! Any! All!) and because I enjoy Complicated dynamics that are easier caught/categorized under a “romantic” lens sometimes even if they arent Necessarily that. But I just love when theyre important to eachother in general.

I actually have Such delusions abt their Traffic dynamic. Im so insane abt it. I think theyre good friends with Joel having slowly building romantic feelings for Jimmy throughout the seasons, which Jimmy is… pretty much aware of and would reciprocate—if Joel would ever ask (he never will). The Last Life dynamic in particular is one that haunts me, because it. Feels like their most amicable Traffic dynamic, at least in my memory, and in no small part of that is Joel pledging to avenge Jimmy (and Mumbo but this is a Smallidarity post isnt it). That small comment profoundly impacts my Traffic Joel characterization and Im planning to incorporate little objects of remembrance for Jimmy into my late game Joel designs. Traffic smallidarity… like many Traffic dynamics that captivate me… its about the missed opportunities, its about the lack of time, its about Tragedy… I just have such bad Last Life brainrot on the mind rn so this has been whats living with me Daily rn.

I also think their 100 Hours is one of the most funny and most OBVIOUSLY flirty dynamics, though I may get into that a bit more with another ask that I got recently, and, well. My Sorry Sir compilation covers a lot of it.

Double Life is what actually converted me but I cannot think of what the Exact moment was. I went back to my messages from when the eps were coming out and.

They immediately got me.

Theres so many good Traffic moments. One day I will make that clip compilation. I swear.

EMPIRES S1……… theyre best friends… I think it would be funny if Joel is independently dating both him and Lizzie and Then they all find out Jimmy and Lizzie are siblings and Joel is like. Oh jesus Christ my type is Even More specific than I thought. Fishkisser boy. Joel making the joke romantic montage of Jimmy before declaring hes gonna be proposing to Lizzie made me. Drop dead. This dynamic is Everything I craved out of them, watching this directly after Double Life and during Emp S2, when theyre most antagonistic, made me fully insane. I LOVE when theyre nice to eachother. So much. Best friends who kiss. Little design headcanon for them is like. Joel is Fully embellished by pearls he gets from Jimmy and Lizzie. I should give Jimmy n Lizzie azaleas to wear in exchange too auughh..

Okay finally circling back to Where We Are Now. Emp S2. These fuckers.

So Im delusional and like it best when theyre Soft right? So even though S2 lends itself So well to toxicity (and dont get me wrong. Sometimes I Gotta indulge) I rlly like making it cutesy as fuck. Joels obsession and complete infatuation and cute aggression is everything. Hes so infatuated with this guy he doesnt know what to do with himself and just is Relentless. schoolyard “hes bullying you because he likes you” type beats. Hes my moron hes my annoying king. I cannot remember if Ive talked abt my design headcanons fully but Im big on the Jimmy Was Human but Joels god powers are Changing That. I think its subconscious, hes not doing it maliciously, reality just bends to his will too much.

Also. Found my decision moments… these are from July 3rd.

I think. Overall the most enthralling thing about them is the care that underlies everything. That despite the endless teasing and bullying, Joel really genuinely care about Jimmy in a way he struggles to express sometimes. I think its really special and charming and compelling. I just have illnesses about them

[danpuff-ao3]

Oh, Danni, I'm so sorry about the mental health overload. I've been ducking in and out (too much shit to take care of at this time of year because I run a retail business), but I remember a post in which you totaled up all your fannish commitments, and it sounded extremely stressful. And that's not counting anything that might be happening outside fandom. Be kind to yourself, my dear. I hope the cloud passes soon. 🌈 💜

In the meanwhile, I'd love to hear about - well, any number of WIPs from your list, but let's start with:

Drarry to Snarry (I'm awful, I know it, so apologies to Drarry fans, but I get tremendous pleasure out of fics where Harry chooses Snape over Draco - unless it's a fic in which Draco dies, forcing Harry to move on, because that's a different ball game altogether)

and

Bookshop AU (near and dear to my heart)

PI!! I can imagine this time of year is nightmarish for you. My partner works for the post office, so it's always chaos for him, as well. Best of luck with the holiday season!!

As for me, I've had enough friends and my therapist clobber me over the head enough to drop a few commitments. 😅 Which lessened my load a bit, but increased the guilt so...unsure how much of a trade off that was! But I am at least making solid attempts at this whole balance and self-care thing! 💖

And now....some fanfic blabbering!

Drarry to Snarry

You know, I'm super glad you asked about this one because I'm the exact same!! Hence...you know. This fic needing to exist. 🤣 It feels so very particular, and I feel so few people will appreciate with me.

The first fic I ever read ever was a Drarry fic, you know! But even though that's where I began, and even with the mass popularity of Drarry, and the sheer number of creations out there...I've just never been on board with it. And let me tell you, I wish I could be. Drarry folks out there are really doing the dang thing! But while I enjoy a good Harry-Draco friendship, I just can't quite see romance.

So writing this is, in part, the petty joy of Severus being the one Harry chooses. Draco, the very handsome and very wealthy boyfriend, abandoned in favor of a man twice his age and chock-full of bitterness and not to mention that nose. Gosh, don't even get me started, really. (This game was a great idea, I'm already feeling stirred up to go show all my feelings via fanfiction.)

Part of it is also, I think, wanting to explore writing Drarry, at least a little bit. I've managed hints of Drarry in a few pieces, but never a proper love story. I can't help but wonder if writing it will help clear my eyes a bit in regards to that ship. To sort of explore what might bring them together and hold them together, if only for a while. And seeing how the most unlikely of people will be the one to break them apart.

And now, I'll give you a snippet, in the form of the opening I currently have. (Obligatory "this is unedited and how it fell out of my brain, please do not judge" 🙈)

Draco loves Harry, but he doesn’t say so until Harry says it first.

It’s a perfect, storybook moment. Laying out on the Quidditch pitch, brooms tossed haphazardly to either side of them, the stars glittering overhead. Harry props up on one elbow and he looks at Draco’s nose rather than his eyes. It’s dark, but Draco swears he sees the tinge of pink in his cheeks. When the words come, they come quietly and quickly, “Iloveyou.” 

Draco’s heart gives a gleeful kick, though his tone is smug when he says, “Of course you do.”

Bookshop AU

This was originally going to be for a fest. Which fest, though...I've forgotten. 🤔 What I have written was too fun and I love what I have! Life just got in the way of me finishing it. Sigh. (It's a conspiracy from the Universe, I swear. I'd be too powerful if it wasn't constantly throwing curveballs at me.)

Funnily enough, when it comes to AUs I'd generally prefer to read Muggle AUs over magical AUs, but "magical bookshop" was too perfect for me to resist! Our beloved, grumpy Severus runs a bookshop (of course) and he meets Harry for the first time as an annoying customer, rather than an annoying student. What fun!

And for this, I shall gift you with flirtation:

Heat rises to Severus’ cheeks. His words are much less casual repeated back to him, alone in his store. Still, he lifts his chin and stares haughtily down at Harry. “You might thank me for sparing you the attentions of older, predatory men.” 

Harry’s eyes glitter. “I don’t mind older men.” This bold statement takes Severus by surprise, and he nearly chokes on his own spit when Harry continues, “Or predatory ones.”

It's meant to be a rather lighthearted, fun fic. But we'll not know for sure until it's finished. 😄

WIP Tag Game

[wrestlezon]

(hell yeah. heres a whole post blogging about my blog. i hope you like introspective words. if not... then definitely dont click that readmore)

I posted 3,572 times in 2022

That's 3,572 more posts than 2021!

(well... a respectable amount... for this being the first year of Blog Existing)

370 posts created (10%)

3,202 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

pepsitwist

dogcollarpunk

hoodyhoo

allelitewrestlings

(3 people with the best tastes on the site and a fantastic sourced aew content blog. hell yea ofc these were my most reblogged blogs)

I tagged 3,533 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

(oh no. where are they. where are these 40 untagged posts?? how could i leave them BARREN... NO... THEYRE LOST... OUT IN THE COLD...)

#chuck taylor - 576 posts

#orange cassidy - 570 posts

#cm punk - 500 posts

#fanart - 406 posts

#p - 291 posts

#trent beretta - 229 posts

#talkzon - 221 posts

#mjf - 220 posts

#jon moxley - 201 posts

#eddie kingston - 198 posts

(ah yes my top 3 favorite wrestlers. chuck, orange, cm punk. of course. LMAO. funnily enough the pipeline for me was in that exact reverse order... punk vs eddie got me watching the show, then i saw an orange match and was like hey thats fun and cool, then i was like hold up... whos that weird-cute guy who hangs out with him sometimes... and now here i am. with incurable chuck taylor brain worms.)

(ok. actually the story is a bit more ironic than that but if i get too openly genuine on here i'll break out in hives sooooo moving on)

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#excalibur said something last friday along the lines of ''hes not willing to team up with danhausen yet'' which made me laugh out loud. ''ye

(my tag got cut off... i think this is before xkit rewritten added the ''tag too long'' alert for the quicktags thing. i dont even remember what the rest of it was supposed to be... this was on a gifset of the hook birthday chips incident)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

thank you aew broadcast team for the instant replay alternate angle on wardlow's very cool pin

295 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

(...i liked wardlow better when he was a vaguely amoral henchman guy but i can appreciate A Very Cool Pin)

#4

"One word to describe me? GAY"

295 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

(the people need to know. they need to know max caster is an entertaining and somewhat unhinged weirdo)

#3

listen. look. i need you to understand. look at this.

SLOUCHED. HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK. HEAD BENT DOWN. cm punk spends most of his promo at this point AVOIDING EYE CONTACT. he never even holds the goddamn mic!!! punk is posturing SO hard to appear as a small harmless creature. so much smaller than hangman.

which he factually ISNT. i mean, look at how he looks when he stands up straight, when he isn't trying to put on an appearance.

See the full post

325 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

(oh noooo lmaoooo not my overly excited cm punk theory-effortpost... embarrassing...... even more embarrassing in hindsight... u_u "wow theyre doing such a good job of working together to tell this fictional story of conflict and antagonism! such acting! such subtlety! wait. what. no. are you guys mad for real. what the")

#2

See the full post

389 notes - Posted June 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

how im feeling about that upcoming dog collar match

752 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

(honestly the most shocking part of this was seeing people out in the wild think this was where the sickos meme came from? which doesnt even make sense chronologically?? sickos has been around forever!!! and the original comic is so good. i am not deserving of kartoonist kelly's onion comic clout i am just a wrestle blog)

(also. i have to say. getting into wrestling right as the cmjf feud started was such a mistake... it set the bar too high... wrestling is not normally Like That... ;~;)

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[arwamachine]

Hi hi I have a question for you

This tag in your fic-- is there some old fandom lore behind that phrasing?? I feel like I keep seeing that tag whenever there's verse/top!lock involved haha

Hahaha! If it's fandom lore, then I stumbled into it unawares!

And apologies, because you have inadvertently unlocked A Monologue

Because I'm going to be talking about commenters here, I just want to make it very clear that like 99% of the folks who comment on my fics are wonderful people who make my day whenever I see they've left me a note. This is not about them. I love them and am grateful for literally every second they've been gracious enough to look at some silly thing I wrote.

I started adding the "everyone involved has a perfectly nice time" tag to my fics because, when I first started posting fics, I would get the occasional comments (or DMs) to the tune of, "great [sex act with Sherlock as penetrating/more dominant partner] but would you consider writing [literally the same sex act but with Sherlock as the receiving/less dominant partner]?"

It irked me a little, because the undertone was that it was somehow not enjoyable for the characters in the top/bottom pairing I'd written, and I always felt like I made it OBJECTIVELY CLEAR in my writing that everyone involved in the scene had...you know...a perfectly nice time

Hence the tag ;)

(note, the real message behind these sorts of comments is "you did not write this fic to my exact preferences and desires and I am sad-face-emoji about it," and they are NOT limited to who's on top. I refer to these folks as Mimis, because they are all about "me, me, me," and we at ArwaMachine Inc. do not engage with Mimis)

Initially, I only added it to my fics containing toplock, because--funnily enough--I only received these sorts of comments in my toplock fics. (this remains the case, btw. I have never had a Mimi comment on a bottomlock fic that I should write more toplock. FASCINATING, THAT.) I eventually added the tag to all my fics, regardless of top/bottom pairing, because it tickles me that it's sort of a runner across all my fics now

Also, some readers have started leaving comments on angsty chapters like, "I AM NOT HAVING A PERFECTLY NICE TIME" and that makes me so goddamn happy every single time 🤣

[unrelaxing]

There are over 300 books in this house, not including the ones I download onto my kindle by the hundreds for flights or train rides that don't actually require that many books, yet I am COMPLETELY UNABLE to find my next book. I've already chosen my audiobook for the next work week, which Audible tells me I have until the 27th to listen to before it stops being free and becomes worth 1 credit. I had no interest in listening to it until I saw that, now it's top priority.

I'm ashamed but I'm getting the urge to buy new books. It's been at least a month. To alleviate guilt (and also because I am ... unwealthy), I'm going to go to the local Vinnies, which have books as cheap as .50 cents. I'm also thinking of going to the free Little Library in the city and taking a book from there, though I'm going to have to pick a book to give. I'm bad at that. I'm greedy about books in a way I don't feel greedy about anything else. Maybe because only books ever has a system like a 'give and take' honour system. Certainly can't imagine people doing that about mobile phones, or quilt covers. I would find the former easy, but the latter just as excruciating as with books.

I finished 3 books this week, one via audiobook. That's why I'm getting that (incorrect) feeling that I'm somehow running out. I also can't stand reading on my kindle lately, which happens every once in a while.

I'm journaling less digitally, lately, because I got a 365 day diary that I've been writing in diligently. The downside is that it doesn't have room for much navel-gazing, because you only get one page. I write using bullet points, and most of it is written like I expect to get retrograde amnesia and need to access insignificant events. One entry reads: "At around 9:36pm someone started knocking on the door - specifically on the glass part, with what seemed like something metal (like a key?)." I'm disappointed in myself because I wrote "around 9:36pm". That time is so specific and therefore there was no need to put 'around'. That was definitely the time someone knocked on the door. I definitely looked at my phone as I freaked out and took note of the exact time.

It's nice to write with a pen, and it's nice to do something daily that isn't washing my ass. But I'm also worried about my digital journalling, and the idea that not everything is in the same place. It's easy to transfer my tumblr posts onto my online journal, but not my physical journalling, and my neurosis is flaring up about it feeling cluttered to not have everything be in the same place. I don't want to stop, though. I'm building some good habits lately. Reading more, physically writing, tracking my food, intermittent fasting.

Funnily enough, I started all this two days after J's birthday. She was starting to change her life, because she'd turned 30. I'm 29. I thought to myself, it's never worked for me whenever I use a special occasion to change my life. I have New Years' Resolutions (capital letters) every year, and only achieve one or two, usually my reading goal and something else. The euphoria of being able to call something a new beginning gets my gears going, but once that feeling fades so does my desire to actually achieve my goals.

Maybe it'll be better for me to start on just any random day. My brain is as it normally is, my excitement for life the way it will be for the rest of year. I chose J's birthday because as much as I love her, that date has no significance to my desire to achieve anything.

It'll be a month in 3 days, and I'm trudging along. I eat 2/3 meals a day, not denying myself - just making sure to have my dinner early and not eat anything else after, no matter how much I'm craving chocolate. I've set an alarm at 8:30pm so I remember to journal. I don't always do it at that time, but it means it's on my mind for the rest of the night. I make sure to sleep before 12, so that I get at least 8 hours of sleep. I've made other small improvements in my life that somehow make me hopeful. Am I getting my life together, finally?

Did all it really take was following advise that's been on Nike logos since 1999?

I swear, if I finish this 365 day diary I'm writing a cheesy self help book and doing a Ted Talk.

[amoveablejake]

Album Of The Week: ‘The Car’ By Arctic Monkeys

Stand out song: ‘Body Paint’. 

As I was about to start writing here, I suddenly rolled up my sleeves. An indication that what I was about to write, or what I’m writing here for this is all unfolding in real time, is serious business. Its serious business because ‘The Car’ has become an album of great and complete importance to me in the few days that it has been in my world. In those few days it has consumed all in its path and I am all the better for it. Sometimes, when there is a book, a film or a tv series or game that I find particularly intoxicating I find that it occupies many of my thoughts as I long to return to it. Now, I know that there have been albums before that I have felt this way about, how I have had an aching longing to listen to them at all times but at the moment the names of these albums aren’t coming to mind. No, that isn’t true actually. One name is coming to mind and its ‘Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino’ which funnily enough is also by the Arctic Monkeys. A band that has well and truly evolved into something that I don’t know, something that I never dreamed was possible. Its like when I saw ‘Reservoir Dogs’ or ‘Cowboy Bebop’ for the first time, the sudden realisation that things like that exist. This iteration of the Arctic Monkeys is one of those revelations where it almost seems too good to be true. But true it is and I am all the better for it. 

When I posted my photograph of the week last week I noted how I wasn’t an Arctic Monkeys fan before ‘Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino’ and that was true. Their ‘AM’ seemed to largely be the album that was being circulated in my sixth form and despite really giving it a go it never clicked with me. I liked it but it didn’t really hit the same notes for me as the other Alex Turner project that I adored which was the soundtrack that he wrote for ‘Submarine’ which if you haven’t watched, now needs to be on the top of your list. The ‘Submarine’ soundtrack remains one of my favourite outings and it carved out a space in my mind and heart for Turner. Then with the Last Shadow Puppets, his other other venture, that space got a bit bigger. I liked him, a hell of a lot, but the Arctic Monkeys still weren’t quite there for me. Like how people remember where they were for the moon landing, I remember the exact moment that I saw the album artwork for ‘Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino’ and how I thought, hell, I’ll give this a whirl and before I knew it, the album had taken me in and refused to give me back. ‘Hotel’ is a masterpiece. Nothing short of it. It is a brave step in a new direction that I’m sure alienated a lot of fans but for me, it made the Arctic Monkeys join that spot that Alex Turner had in my head and heart and it cemented his place, not that he ever needed it. I was therefore, a little worried about ‘The Car’ as I was unsure if it would be able to follow that masterpiece or if it would even be of the same sort of record but it is and its everything that I was hoping for. 

I didn’t know how much I needed ‘The Car’ until it started to play. I had been excited for its release, placing my pre order for it very early on as a sign of faith, but as I say I was nervous. ‘Hotel’ meant or rather means the world to me and in those instances it is extremely rare that the follow up does the same or can conjure up those same feelings. ‘The Car’ though, has done that and it has also inspired new feelings and thoughts. Ones that I wouldn’t have expected it to but it has and really, I am all the better for it. I think that I’ll return to this album on these album of the week pieces again and again because there is so much to say about it but also at the same time I’m a little lost for words. Today’s piece has been more about my excitement for the record and that initial sucker punch reaction. It hasn’t dived into the songs and the lyrics and that, thats okay. Its okay because this is the first outing, that first initial swell of emotion and love and as that begins to settle words and thoughts will start to formulate a bit more. Maybe, or maybe I’ll stay head over heels in love with this record for ever and I’ll constantly be tongue tied. If I had to bet on it, I would say that it would be the latter and thats because this album has come out at the perfect time and as I say a time when I needed it ever so much without even realising it. Sometimes, the universe provides exactly what we need and in this case I think it had a little help along the way. 

No one is ever really gone. 

-Jake, a man looking at the light around him, 24/10/2022

[leportraitducadavre]

Naruto re-read XXIII

Chapters covered: 181 - 190 Twentieth Volume of the manga

Site used: https://manga4life.com/manga/Naruto (VIZ translation of the manga)

Disclaimer: This is intended as a list and simple observations of the topics that particularly interested me in the aforementioned chapters, in that sense, do not expect a linear -or totally deep- analysis.

Tumblr’s update doesn’t allow me to attach more than 10 pictures, therefore, all of them will be LINKED. Apologies.

266) Panels corresponding to SasuSaku’s interaction had been added to the main post.

267) Once she wakes up, Sakura tells of Sasuke’s escape to Izumo and Kotetsu, who are passing through to deliver papers to Tsunade (also, they say Tsunade is a slave driver for making them work at 4 am, so Konoha has a very specific negative definition of slaves/slavery, meaning that the Hyüga clan’s practices aren’t considered negative by the narrative simply because it’s performed by someone living inside their borders. Also, the notion of slavery is only brought up “negatively” in order to use it exaggeratedly as build up for a later joke, when they find Tsunade asleep in her office). Sakura was left by Sasuke on that bench during the night and she’s found in the morning, so Sasuke and the Sound Four have an advantage of at least a few hours.

268) Sasuke’s escape is taken by Tsunade as Orochimaru “already making his move” (x) to destroy Konoha by using the Uchiha’s power. Funnily enough, Konoha also wants to use Sasuke’s power but in favor of Konoha.

269) Not completely sure but, as of now, Yoshino is the only mother we saw interacting with their children and the only one canonically shown to be alive. Shikamaru asks his dad what he saw in his mother that attracted him.

270) Tsunade doesn’t know the reasoning behind Sasuke’s decision to escape Konoha. Or is she just lying for the sake of secrecy? She just arrived, so maybe she isn’t sure, although considering she awoke Sasuke from his comma (induced by Itachi’s Tsukuyomi), it’s weird for her not to have such information -more so considering Sasuke was attacked by Orochimaru who forced a seal onto him; surely Kakashi spoke to her about the seal/counterseal he possesses before she visited him at the hospital…

271) Shikamaru’s sexism regarding this specific arc and his actions has been updated. -Go read it please as I’ve changed substantially the initial response.

272) Shikamaru admits Sasuke’s superiority in every respect despite him not liking him (it’s not explained the exact reason why he doesn’t like him).

273) “Naruto, this… this is my wish of a lifetime, please, please bring Sasuke back” (x) This is the promise that is later referenced after the Kage Summit.

I don’t understand why the anti-sakura fandom is so harsh on Sakura for making Naruto promise to bring Sasuke back. She’s emotionally distressed as the boy she likes not only rejected her but also escaped, and has been turned down by Shikamaru to help them retrieve him. Shikamaru tied her worth as a woman and kunoichi to her attempt to emotionally influence Sasuke, which failed, so her “role has ended” (x), she’s being told twice (Sasuke and Shikamaru) that there’s nothing she can do for them, so she relies on the second person that she’s the closest with and who, she considers, cares for Sasuke in equal measures as her. I don’t see anything selfish as she’s desperate -why ask such a distressed girl to act like an emotionally detached adult?

Furthermore, while she tells him about her “Wish of a lifetime”, is Naruto the one who makes the “Promise of a lifetime” to her (x)

Plus, this is the only moment Sakura canonically "remembers" the conversation with Naruto!Sasuke (no indication she knows it's Naruto) and it's in order to dispute her preconception (this is not to say he understands her now, rather, she acknowledges Naruto's capability to comprehend her feelings) as he verbally acknowledges Sakura's feelings for Sasuke.

“You saw all along, and still you always helped me…” (x) what does that mean? I’m sure is Sakura the one who thinks this. Does that mean that Naruto always “saw” Sakura’s feelings for Sasuke and still helped her (?) regardless?

274) Seishingan pills (x), apparently, the Curse Mark Orochimaru gave his pupils (including Anko, likely she never took Seishingan pills and that’s why we never see her transformed into a “monster-like” figure like the Sound Four or Sasuke) boosts their strength but it’s only in the First Stage. This medication awakens the Seal’s power, raising it to its Second Stage, but the moment the Seal develops, the Curse eats away the user’s body, which if left unattended will surely kill them. To prevent this from happening, the user must acclimatize their body to the Seal’s power and Cursed effect for an extended period of time; the Sound Four want to prevent Sasuke from dying using a barrier Jutsu to control the side effects -inducing him into a comma of sorts. 

Sasuke’s primary reason for both eating the pill and claiming he “can’t die yet” is Itachi.

This is the Sealing technique the Sound Four use to help Sasuke and prevent his death. (here is in the manga)

Dark Sealing Method (Fuukoku Houin)

Fuuinjutsu, B-rank, Supplementary, Close range

User(s): Sakon

Black mist, sealed behind the talismans’ bloody red letters…!!

One in a series of Fuuinjutsu used to take Sasuke to the cursed seal’s Level 2. Sakon performed it in order to bind the Four Black Fogs Formation into the coffin, the sealing formula on the five talisman sheets written in his blood.

Sakon has the high skill in Fuuinjutsu that only Orochimaru’s bodyguards can claim.

Even with Byakugan, it’s impossible to see through the talisman-protected barrier. A tenebrous seal indeed.

(Source)

The second sealing technique Sakon uses to seal Sasuke alongside the black fog technique inside the coffin.

275) Agreed to disagree (x)

276) Shizune seems to be the medic-nin of the cell yet she didn’t go with the rest of the squad when they went to intercept the Sound Four. Maybe she stayed behind as medical support? (Note to self: she did). The sound four defeated, with the help of their seal, two Jönins. Not only does this means that they’ll be more guarded (as Shikamaru states), but also more tired, as the team finds them resting after their combat (Neji is both incredibly smart and the best asset in this group).

277) I literally laughed at loud at Shikamaru using Chöji as a counterweight so as not to fall and him not moving an inch nor reacting to it.

278) Shikamaru’s sassy pose. (x)

279) If you want to read an analysis of Shikamaru’s first plan during this arc, please read the aforementioned post.

280)

Earth Release Barrier: Earth Prison Dome of Magnificent Nothingness (Doton Kekkai: Dorou Doumu)

Ninjutsu, B-rank, Offensive, Supplementary, Close to mid range

User(s): Jiroubou

The nigh-inescapable barrier that consumes the vitality of those it ensnares!!

A half-spherical kekkai prison made of earth, causing a protuberance onto the ground!! Its walls have copious amounts of chakra spread across their entire surface, which means the occasional damage done to them may be repaired in a matter of seconds.

But the one thing that make s this technique truly dreadful is that the caster can absorb the chakra of those trapped within. Their strength gone, they aren’t even in any shape to put up a fight…

Trapping his prey into the earthen walls, Jiroubo devours their chakra…! A situation much like that of a stomach digesting food and absorbing the nutrients.

(Source)

This is the technique that Jiroubou uses against the group. The technique seems to rely on the presence of the caster, as the user needs to stay close in order to “eat” those trapped inside the barrier -the barrier consumes their vitality and gives it to the user, it also heals from any attack (as we see Kiba’s Tsuuga tunneling fang fading).

How does Jiroubou consume so much chakra? How is he able to withstand such quantity -does the seal allow him to store so much energy and that’s why he doesn’t collapse from chakra poisoning?

281) Neji was able to realize the entirety of Shikamaru’s plan to escape by only seeing the barrier’s weak spot. (x, x). While Naruto claims that Chöji “understood Shikamaru’s plan from the start which is why he replenished his chakra -I’m not sure, it’s more than likely that he trusted Shikamaru enough to know he was planning something that involved breaking the barrier -and he already was told he had the most “destructive power”, so it isn’t far-fetched to think he knew he was to be asked to attack.

Furthermore, if Chöji eats because that’s how he replenishes his chakra, why is no one else using the same technique? Is it because Akimichi, due to some biological condition, can transform calories into chakra faster?

282) Neji points out their chakra has been significantly drained, this is important as it means all of them but Naruto (who has Kurama’s chakra) fought the Sound Four with less chakra at their disposal (and they aren’t able to replenish it). Furthermore, Kiba also “used” Akamaru whilst trying to break the barrier, and Neji used the Byakugan for almost all of the pursuit and inside the barrier. (Note to self: Chöji gives them military pills -is the Akimichi responsible for producing them or do they have more at their disposal due to their technique?)

283) The Akimichi clan’s secret triple threat: Green, Yellow, and Red (Shanshokugan) give the user explosive power, but entail serious side effects. I know it’s a resource Kishimoto uses to explain such a tool, but why is Shikamaru disclosing Secret information from an allied clan? I know Neji, Kiba and Naruto are from Konoha also -but nothing exempts them from becoming traitors at some point and using such knowledge to their advantage.

1- Horengan: Green speenach pellet. Side effect: Physical pain (x).

2- Karêgan: Yellow Curry Pellet. Side effect: Physical pain.

3- Tongarashigan: Red Chili pepper Pellet. Gives him a hundred more times his strength. Side effect: Consumes his fat deposits changing him physically. Probable death.

284) Akamaru can judge an enemy’s strength by their scent.

285) Shikamaru is pissing me off because he’s being so freaking dumb in this arc -how is he considered a genius? (read the post!)

286) Shikamaru states that Chöji is (physically) the strongest. He forced Jiroubou to use the Second Stage of the Cursed Seal to counteract Chöji’s second Shanshokugan.

As a side note: “The Akimichi clan is fat and dumb, that’s what everyone says…” (x), it’s incredible how even Chöji’s character is often portrayed in fanfics and arts eating -this is exactly what Kishimoto is criticizing through Chöji’s character and the “woke” fandom simply don’t get. Also, why didn’t Shikaku and Chöza introduce their kids to one another? (x). Perhaps they aren’t friends but simply teammates.

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