#fun project i told myself
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Me: hey I'm sure there's a fairly simple method to execute this supposedly complex concept in Blender Tutorial: Let's set up 144 geometry nodes that crank this shit up to 6 subdivision levels My GPU: [whispering faintly] *mercy*
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wait i'm curious, what makes you say that gregor doesn't like everyone else (if i read that post right)? just curious since i've never seen anyone else say that
i don't necessarily think gregor dislikes everyone else at lcb but i do think that gregor is an incredibly petty person that isn't nearly as close to the rest of the sinners and even outright dislikes some of them cough cough rodya cough cough which a lot of people just Refuse to see because he's as much of a doormat as he is. there's several examples i could get into to try and prove my point however i'll just focus on what i personally think to be the biggest ones.
additionally, this is going to be kind of long, so i'm adding a read more. read more! read it. sorry for being so wordy. i have several diseases.
Pt1. gregor is the type to try and get along at least decently with everyone, especially if he gets a good first impression from them.
this is less a point in favor of gregor's distance w/ the rest of the sinners and more just a contributing factor to it. once again there's several examples i could point to here but i think the most in your face one happened in canto I with yuri, as several people have pointed out. even before gregor comes clean about growing attached to her as quickly as he did because she reminds him of his sister, we get this interaction.
i'll go ahead and make the disclaimer now that i don't necessarily think gregor is the most reliable of narrators, especially when it comes to his feelings and interactions with most people, but from the way he acts when the topic of yuri comes up (and the way we still see him act even all the way up to c7, nearly a whole year after yuri's death) i don't see reason to question his sentiment here. gregor immediately got that aya and yuri were close, potentially even taking note of their traded belts, and went out of his way to get something nice for yuri despite hardly knowing her.
i feel like a lot of people have forgotten as much, especially since it's been so long since c1, but gregor actually spent a good bit of season 1 doing the exact same thing with the other sinners! gregor reads a connection between him and ishmael pretty quickly despite getting off to a rocky start
mostly because gregor can tell that ishmael is pretty sardonic in a very similar way to him. there's been multiple instances where ishmael and gregor have essentially expressed the same sentiment at different moments, most notably gregor's little argument after ishmael got shot with a decay ampule in c4
and ishmael's response to pilot talking about self-sacrifice in c5
i could go ahead and pull up more examples, but in general pm has gone out of their way to show us that gregor and ishmael are pretty similar, so it makes sense for gregor to assume that they're friends, right?
this will be pushpin 1. keep note of this for Later.
ishmael's only the first sinner we see gregor trying to do this with in s1, we also see him try it out with heathcliff, sinclair, and ryoushuu
he's tried to get along with charon, being one of very few sinners that we've seen actually try to establish a connection with her at all
even rodya, despite my insistence that gregor doesn't like her nearly as much as the fandom thinks he does
all of these seem pretty fine and dandy, right? sure it frequently leans towards self-degradation, micromanaging, and commiseration, but gregor can at least be pretty chummy with most of the sinners, can't he?
Pt2. hell's chicken was more than just comic relief guys please
i'm fully aware that this is quite the hot take, but i think hell's chicken deserves a lot more credit for character writing than the fandom gives it. hell's chicken gave us foreshadowing for several events, such as the donqui bloodfiend reveal
heathcliff's distortion in c6 (as well as hong lu's highly speculated distortion at some point in the future)
and ryoushuu and sinclair's continued connection by making him the odd one out on her team
which, hey! that implies something about gregor's odd one out, don quixote, too, doesn't it? yes. yes it does. that's pushpin 2. keep note of that for later.
speaking of pushpins, hey! that's pushpin 1!
splitting into teams is one of the major events in hell's chicken, and most of the sinner's choices are either motivated by very little, backhanded, or motivated primarily by not wanting to be on the opposite leader's side. i didn't include all of the picks, just because i feel like including most of them already gets this across, but i think gregor took one major thing from this: most of the sinners, when push comes to shove, will only side with gregor when they refuse to or can't take his opponent's side.
now, don't get me wrong, i'm fully aware that this is primarily intended to be comedic relief, but when gregor is being described as having his trust broken by ishmael or nearly crying because no one on his team properly sided with him for him, i feel like it's pretty fair to read into this.
something that i think is pretty important to remember in conjunction with this is that we know that gregor is the type to hold a grudge, both from his general attitude towards the G corp soldiers in c1 as well as his continued distaste for vergilius
even beyond the splitting into teams of hell's chicken, the sinners have given gregor plenty of reasons to feel bitter. i feel like this is something people have noticed but haven't really put a finger on, but it's kind of wild just how often the rest of the sinners make gregor the butt of the joke
and sure, we could argue that a fair few of these aren't really made with any ill intent. quite a bit of it could have been meant as harmless teasing, but with gregor being more sensitive than most, it coming from nearly all sides, and as often as it does? yeah, i think he's prone to taking it a bit personally.
Pt3. yes i do still think gregor was the third most important character in canto VII you guys gotta hear me out okay
of course, all of this leads up to the bit of the story i highlighted, doesn't it? c7? i totally get why people haven't really picked up on all the gregor things i did in it, seeing as they were mostly not *directly* said about him or by him.
personally, i think that gregor's distaste for talking about himself on any serious level and thus leading to him getting sort of "sidelined" narratively (which i take issue with that claim, but still. it's effective for getting what i mean across atm) is supposed to lead players to take a deeper look at the times gregor gets held up to other characters and compare and contrast what's being said about them by the matchup. as i showed earlier with his immediate latching onto ishmael, i think this is something gregor himself is at least partially aware of too.
so, that begs the question, who was gregor compared to in canto VII that makes me think it's one of the most critical pieces in understanding his character?
really, i'd like to avoid getting too lost in the analysis of this canto specifically, since i'd like to do a proper post about this later, but i figure i can bury the lede a little before doing it properly.
c7 features several characters being made to perform in sansón's play, acting out the relevant backstory for this segment of the plot. a lot of these characters have rather direct, degrading reasons for playing the roles they do.
outis, a character with an inflated ego who wants her journey to have a purpose, is made to play an aimlessly wandering villager with a single line.
hong lu and ryoushuu, two characters for whom families and the expectations placed upon them are likely going to play a major role, are made to play bloodfiends.
rodya, a character who resents her lot in life and is constantly shown to be eager to leave her destitution behind her and become someone special, is made to play a helpless villager that's too poor to even offer any money to the hero that saves her.
heathcliff, a character that has spent most of his life getting dehumanized by comparing him to beastly animals, is made to play a literal bear whose sole purpose in the plot is to get beat up and then quickly left by the wayside.
sinclair, a character that has two opposed parties essentially treating him as a macguffin to procure for their side, is made to play the character who was arguably the catalyst for this entire canto, not to mention playing a decently major role in ruina.
our star don quixote is made to play her father, the first kindred, but there's someone by their side the entire time, isn't there? don quixote's dear, steadfastly loyal companion. a character which don quixote has tasked themself with getting to come out of their shell?
hello again, pushpin 2.
gregor has been made to play our unreachable star, sancho. someone had to, of course. you can't really tell a story without it's main character, now can you?
now, i should once again give a disclaimer. i am not trying to say that i think adapting what happens to donqui/sancho in c7 to gregor is the road pm is going to take here, not only would that toe a bit past the line of foreshadowing, but it'd also just amount to rehashing that plotline again, which i don't think would make for a particularly exciting story.
what i DO think is that we can take a lot of the things that are said to either directly be the case for sancho and use them to inform how we see gregor.
and god, does playing sancho have some fucking implications for our favorite ossan archetype.
starting off, the earliest moment we get to see of sancho is quite literally her just waiting for death to take her in a pile of ashes.
which, i should remind everyone, is actually pretty damn close to what happens to gregor's literary counterpart at the end of the metamorphosis. gregor samsa experiences one final breaking point that pushes him over the edge and makes him decide to just wait for starvation to take him.
gregor and sancho both consider themselves to no longer be human, something which sancho goes out of her way to highlight repeatedly throughout the canto and gregor is quick to get defensive on her behalf for when outis starts really tearing into her
sancho spends quite a lot of this story denying herself the joys of community and friendship, despite knowing that, even with the rest of the sinners frequently making jokes at her expense and outright insulting her, they were things that she desperately craved.
and, while this is getting into my "outis is a red herring meant to distract us from gregor's eventual betrayal" theorizing, i also think it's worth noting for this discussion that sancho's fellow kindreds, her family, all seem to be under the impression that she dislikes them and ultimately her departure was an act of betrayal
and that, despite gregor being one of LCB's resident mood makers and attempted conflict de-escalators, one of the sinners that's most prone to making appeals to the bonds they've all forged together, only him and faust remained silent during everyone's speech
so yeah, i think there's quite a lot of little details and hints building up to the reveal that gregor's not quite as fond of everyone as he presents himself to be. i do think a lot of this ultimately comes down to gregor getting in the way of his own happiness, similarly to donqui, particularly because he's been frequently portrayed as something of a self fulfilling prophecy, especially by giving him as many christ allegories as they have by way of priest and garden of thorns. gregor is convinced that the rest of the sinners don't like him because he's not convinced anyone could like him, so he convinces himself that he hates them because why should he care if someone that he hates hates him too?
a lot of this ultimately ties back to my personal interpretation of what happens in the metamorphosis as well as my own theories regarding all the times gregor has made weird callbacks and references to lobcorp and ruina, but yeah. i think about this guy and his deeper characterization a fairly normal amount, i think.
to end this off i'll highlight one of my favorite little "gregor is fucking seething and trying so hard to keep it cool" moments, in the credits CG for c7 we see rodya teasing him by drawing a little horse on his window and actively pointing and laughing at it, which gregor really doesn't seem all too pleased about.
i personally think this ties into the other cruel part of sansón forcing gregor to play rocinante, which is the more literal "he's actually just straight up playing rocinante" side of things. gregor was quite literally made to play something less than human, less than even animal really, as he was reduced to nothing more than the shoes don quixote wore as she got to play the leading role. sansón directly makes jokes about gregor being nothing more than shoes in the play twice, which adds to this reading, i think.
this, imo, really plays into the adaptation of the metamorphosis! i've seen a lot of readings for the book that posit that, despite being the protagonist, gregor samsa can't really be considered the main character due to nearly everything he experiences in it being used to further his family's character development at his expense, which i think fits nicely with limbus gregor seemingly having the most said about him through indirect means by holding him up to other characters. also it's rodya carelessly making fun of His Big Major Insecurities��� again like she did in c1 which i always find fun. rodya i love you but god you're the worst.
#beargregor's property#limbus company#project moon#lcb gregor#something to bear in mind#beargregor's analysis#beargregor's theories#do i bother tagging both of those i feel like i do#oh also.#long post#sorry guys i promised i would try and stay brief when i set out to respond to this ask and before i knew it seven hours passed#my bad#does this give me normal gregor fan cred#i'm fully preparing myself to be screenshotted and posted to twitter or reddit with people making fun of my reading of him but idrc honestl#also i'm really hoping that LCB regular check up has donqui actually like#confront gregor about the fact that he was playing her in sansón's plays#i've seen people insinuate that any deeper reading to the roles they got in them is doing too much#and while i really don't agree with that just due to how much sansón fit the roles to be as cruel as possible to their sinners#i do think at the very bare minimum that the comparisons drawn between gregor and sancho are Very Intentional#despite gregor's supposed lack of proper Deep character moments people love to claim i really do think that we know a lot about him#significantly more than people think we do#just because so much of it has been told to us indirectly or has this aspect of plausible deniability to it#just due to gregor being the way he is#a lot of these smaller subtler details in his proper main writing get highlighted more in his IDs and EGO#like gregor's pettiness and grudge holding in AEDD or the aforementioned self-fulfilling prophecy-ness of priest and garden of thorns#anyway. that's it. gregor is fat by the way did i mention that. also very hairy. refer to my url for more details.#ignore how i just can't shut up about him i promise i'm normal. i promise it's over i can rant about him more another day. i swear.
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Ghost Hunter Au Part 1/2
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This is my entry for the Malevolent “write in your style event”, @malevolent-monthly!
I wasn’t initially planning on participating since this is a writing event and not an illustration one, but the prompt immediately inspired me so I got the go ahead to make a little comic! Part two out soon.
ID in Alt text provided by @shadow0haven
If you like what I do and want to see more, consider donating to my ko-fi!
#malevolent#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#arthur lester#parker yang#peter yang#I’m gonna be honest. the problem with making a Parker centric project is that now if my wish is granted and Parker ever speaks in podcast#all of my shit will suddenly become less canon. I just want him to be a little guy in my brain#but anyway I had fun with this it was a good exercise#and I hope you all enjoy it too!#please consider tipping though I glanced at my procreate statistics and frankly I spent way too many hours on this#I told myself ‘oh it’s just going to be a quick low effort like 6 page thing’ and then 12 pages later…..
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Didn't do anything all day except learn how to bagline very poorly. Now I have a small sack. Wait hold on. Hold on

Fffffffuuuuuck yessssssssss
#my little wooden rosie can fit in there :)#i wanna carve more wood again sometime. i dont let myself do it after sunset anymore since the#midnight anemic woodworking incident a year ago. but i like carving wood its fun :)#i wish my professors would let me at the scroll saw. do you know how much i yearn for scroll saws#but i learned in highschool and i have every bad habit so the woodshop guys get scared orz#someday ill learn properly. someday#also the little pillow is one of my Squares. for months whenever i have scrap fabric ive been#sewing two squares together and filling them with scraps#i have like fifty now. theyre about 4-6 inches each. very fun to toss around and play with#i bring them to school and leave them at my desk with a little permission sign so people know they can play with them#and lemme tell you. classmates have told me people do??? its awesome????? one of my favourite projects#play with my toys. play with my toys.
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i offhandedly mentioned having seen a movie from the 2000s to my friend and she was genuinely flabbergasted because she thought i “only watched old movies”
#i was like GIRL THE SECOND TO LAST FILM I WATCHED WAS FROM *THIS YEAR*!!!!!!!!#she was SHOCKED#just for that i watched ANOTHER film from this year bc i MUST beat the allegations#i tried to explain The List to her and how i break it up by decade and have intentionally tried to diversity what i watch#and TO BE FAIR to me#the films i have shown her so far have been from the 90s 60s and 40s#which is a BIG range if i do say so myself#like. sorry we haven’t watched any current films together…#you literally LIVE in a building with a theater in it#FIGURE IT OUT#seriously tho i am so grateful to have someone who will watch films with me#i ordered Citizen Kane on Blu-ray so we can watch it together#bc she told this CRAZY story about her shitty ex#and in the back of my head i was like ‘you KNOW what this reminds me of…’#so i intentionally waited to offer to show it to her until we were past the breakup situation#but NOW i am hype#and she is hype#and to be fair that’s probably why she thinks i only watch old movies#but it’s not even old to me#like. if it has sound it’s not old…#i’m gonna have SO much fun in my intro to film history class if i get to take it#my goal is to have already seen every film they discuss in the class so that i can just chill out and enjoy it#the final project is comparing and contrasting two films of your choice and i’m still figuring out what i want to do#excited regardless tho#i’m taking it my last semester as a treat for finishing my degree <33
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Never ask a Toya fan what August-October 2023 was like
#project sekai#toya aoyagi#tbh i realized that anniversary was the leaders the second I realized that Minori's last lim was 11 months ago and that Ichika and Tsukasa#hadn't gotten cards in a while#but OYF was slightly cruel#I was 100% positive it was Toya and was losing it due to my Marshall Maximizer obsession but then...#it being Kohane made sense and after what happened to Minori I've lightened up a bit on it but I really hate having characters skip over tw#other characters#Meanwhile with Crazy's teaser I just laughed#I told myself I could deal with it because Ena and Honami fans dealt with it but then the WL happened.#being a Haruka and Toya fan is fun#I feel for Ena fans as well#500 days without anything is rough#at least you got an Inabakumori commission
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#I’m like 99.9% I’m gonna change my major and uni this year#so like I know I’m gonna drop out of this degree and leave this city#but for some reason I told myself I would still do all my assignments exams and group projects for this semester ahhhh#whyy now I have to do a whole group presentation in five days for which we had a whole semester#and it’s so stressful and in the end I’m doing it for nothing bc I’m gonna drop out anyway#also it’s really not fun doing soo much uni work while also going through the application processes and entry exams for other unis#I wanna cry#I already missed so many application deadlines
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one good thing that's going to come out of me being unemployed for a bit is that i'm going to finally finish all my current quilting projects
#i told myself (and more importantly. my grandmother.) that i'm not buying any more fabric until i have a job again#last night i gave myself a budget and bought the fabric i need to finish what i've started#WITH one exception which is the quilted bisexual pride flag. joann's had some pride fabric on clearance so i had to lmao#i'll (hopefully lmao) be employed before pride but i've gotta start the quilt soon if i want it done for pride#anywayyy now it's just Grind Time until i finish everything!!! i'll def have the time & i won't be tempted by new projects#i have so many fun projects i'm excited to finish. i'll post pics on here when i'm done bc i think y'all will like them!!!#most of them are obnoxiously bright and colorful so they're extremely on brand for me lmao#m.txt
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#i had my achievement review with my line manager today#it was our last 1 to 1#and surprisingly she acc told me to not rly push myself#i wasnt expecting that#she told me to rest for at least 6-12 months#she even said that look your young you also have to do fun things in life otherwise you’ll burn out and crash#and then she went and told my line manager that shes upset that shes losing me#its been a long journey with her tho 🤣😂 she was so uptight with me and now shes so nice#i used to be scared to go on 1 to 1s with her#youre***#i even told her an idea about this project i cud sign myself up to and she straight up told me its a bad idea and shudnt take on that much#work
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i don’t know if i’ve ever been more on my bullshit than with the fic i’m currently writing
#i told myself i’d take a break but writing brain is still buzzing it wants another project… and i’m having a lot of fun… i’m listening to a#lot of frank ocean….#the title to this one is basically an excerpt name
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I love finding out there's yet another small thing wrong with me 👍
#not like a diagnosis or something just like. how my brain has been wired#when stuff has never been an option for me in the past i just dont think about it anymore even if it is an option now#even stuff that has never been told to me#like i was working on a project and i didnt have enough felt to make it so i just went “well that sucks” and did something else instead#and then my mom comes in like an hour into my improvisation and im telling her this#and shes like “we could have gone to the store? you shouldve asked”#and it just never crossed my mind as an option#because i have been trying so hard not to inconvenience people my entire life that going to the store became something that we planned to do#and it was either on the way to/from something or explicitly planned for a day and time#so ive never considered just. going spontaneously#esp to get something unimportant#so it was just immediately vetoed by my brain because 'oh youre busy you dont have time for that trips to the store take too long'#so thats nice#i dont know what to do with myself now#i love finding out more about how pleasing everyone in my life has affected me#<<sarcasm#aaaand thats why im now crying!#this is fun#potat rambles#vent post#tw vent#<kinda? its just venty tags#idk being safe with it
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🤡
#so i've been chipping away at one of my fics and making some progress#yay!#but i have two other WIPs that i've barely touched#booo#i literally told myself i wasn't going to focus on only one project this time lol#but i'm actually soooo excited about this one#it's one of my more unique/ambitious projects for this fandom#(vague hint: it's not the one i've talked about before)#the other two are also fun#but somehow i draw a blank every time i open those WIPs#not gonna abandon those projects though#i refuse#❤️#tragic clowning#tragic clown actually writes
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16 classmates means 256 potential dynamics to explore if we only consider 1 on 1 interactions (which i will! ...until this sentence ends) and that means 256 drawings. considering that group interactions exist and it can be any combo that is... a way larger number.
i have 2 hands, 0 time and too much ambition!!
haha! oh no.
#i would like to live my life and also fundematally tear apart my hpfxtn from the inside out and roll in its guts#that's not really possible unfortunately#because TIME#bitches love to hate on me for “quality over quantity uwu” which is valid as FUCK babe you do you#i need to do me and me wants to be engulfed in the concept of interaction. yes specifically through ship art.#that means gotta go fast.#as in. i get told a lot i should not try to improve my drawing speed because i draw fast enough. they fail to consider that i want to!!!!#my brain is an enigma to me too im a barely functioning human if me having social competence comes in the form of free art then#my therapist is gonna make so much fun of me i guess#/lh#mind you. this here talking to myself? this is all silly bullshit ego. i know very well whatever i WANT to do ill end up drawing koquichechi#“ok me we made a plan to practice drawing subtle understated emotions with charact-” “what if we drew koquichechi slapstick instead”#“but the PLAN??” “look at that. it's koquichechi.”#and then i babysit myself into FORCING myself to draw shit i want to draw and would enjoy drawing but it takes SO LONG#an doing things that take time *takes time*. outrageous. how dare you. i hate it. (bla bla bla time is an illusion i KNOW)#and im still figuring out subtle. groooooaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!!!!#eh whatevs!#whether i make ANY of my bullshit projects real or not what matters is having fun with it before i die /lh#its gonna be okay#*yearning* i just think itd be cool!!#shut up maiora#rambling#i get threatened with violence constantly by art friends. they're so completely right.#anyway tell me all about your rare-pairs if you want!! i might scribble em in my free time :>#(use the ask box)#(yes platonic too!)#(i think itd be fun 👉👈)#(i wanna hear people's thoughts!!)#(might be done in pencil ^^')#(im getting distracted HAVE A NICE DAY BUHBYE)
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genshin is fun but also evil because you can just put literally any combination of bitches into a party and force them to work together. the dynamics that form in my head from this are insanity. i will swear up and down that thoma and cyno are boyfriends but its based entirely on the fact that i enjoy their gameplay synergy together and it makes me insane
#as the one and only backer of them i am declaring myself the ceo of thomano. this works bc theres no one else here#they are both aroace and bi they told me themselves (PROJECTION)#cyno#thoma#ann plays genshin#anyways ive been having a lot of fun with the cyno chaos comp this shit FUCKS
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It's been a month and a half and I'm still not even over Cassy yet, idk how I'm supposed to live with my uncle being dead too
#speculation nation#negative/#i have been. yeah. but it barely feels like living.#acting as a marionette as people expect me to. revving my mental engines like 'yes i am absolutely going to work on a creative project#just watch me go i am Going to work on a creative project'#but then i try and it's just lacking in soul because it almost feels like i dont have one right now.#because my uncle is dead and my life is normal and i dont even have a loud grey baby to yell at me until i feed him#because theyre dead. theyre both fucking dead.#sometimes i wish it was possible to pick and choose who fate goes for next. there are people in my life that i just would not mind dying.#people who only bring difficulty to me. why cant They have died instead?#but no. it's my precious little loverboy and my fun loving & kind uncle#i hugged him goodbye and told him i love him and the next day he was dead. just like that. and i was in fucking colorado.#im at the end of my fucking rope y'all and i need to clean my apartment and set up a psychiatry appointment and call my landlord#and through it all i have to work and work and work and work#and im trying to bring some semblance of normalcy to myself by pointing myself at creative projects#but i cant commit to one bc im feeling it im feeling it im feeling it and then im not#click click click click goes the revolver of ideas on and on and on and it wont settle i think it settles and then it's moving on#and i pretend it's okay i smile i pretend it's okay i laugh i pretend it's okay but im living with a permanent crack in my brain#on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on (and on)#at least i have video games. im probably just going to play more fire emblem when i get home.#sorry for getting a bit to venting in here but im still sitting in the bathroom after clocking out 45 minutes ago#and i feel like my entire sense of being is being squeezed by the giant hand of god. oh how cruel.#animal death ment/#no im not over cassy dying yet. he wasnt even 2 years old yet. he was way too fucking young to die so suddenly.#my uncle was too young too. my dad is 2 years older than him & he's in general good health still#but cancer doesnt descriminate. it would take us all if it could.
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why do I set myself up for failure and then get upset when I fail
#got into a project three days before the deadline#literally this entire time I've been telling myself ''this is not a deadline you can make. don't worry about it and just have fun.''#''this will be a good foundation for projects in the future.''#oh but now that the deadline's passed and I didn't make the deadline (like I told myself I wouldn't!!!!)#now I'm like ''I bet you could've made the deadline if you worked harder''#my brain needs to chill the fuck out#why are we sad right now#why do we hate ourselves right now#are you kidding me#get your fucking shit together
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