#because theyre dead. theyre both fucking dead.
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It's been a month and a half and I'm still not even over Cassy yet, idk how I'm supposed to live with my uncle being dead too
#speculation nation#negative/#i have been. yeah. but it barely feels like living.#acting as a marionette as people expect me to. revving my mental engines like 'yes i am absolutely going to work on a creative project#just watch me go i am Going to work on a creative project'#but then i try and it's just lacking in soul because it almost feels like i dont have one right now.#because my uncle is dead and my life is normal and i dont even have a loud grey baby to yell at me until i feed him#because theyre dead. theyre both fucking dead.#sometimes i wish it was possible to pick and choose who fate goes for next. there are people in my life that i just would not mind dying.#people who only bring difficulty to me. why cant They have died instead?#but no. it's my precious little loverboy and my fun loving & kind uncle#i hugged him goodbye and told him i love him and the next day he was dead. just like that. and i was in fucking colorado.#im at the end of my fucking rope y'all and i need to clean my apartment and set up a psychiatry appointment and call my landlord#and through it all i have to work and work and work and work#and im trying to bring some semblance of normalcy to myself by pointing myself at creative projects#but i cant commit to one bc im feeling it im feeling it im feeling it and then im not#click click click click goes the revolver of ideas on and on and on and it wont settle i think it settles and then it's moving on#and i pretend it's okay i smile i pretend it's okay i laugh i pretend it's okay but im living with a permanent crack in my brain#on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on (and on)#at least i have video games. im probably just going to play more fire emblem when i get home.#sorry for getting a bit to venting in here but im still sitting in the bathroom after clocking out 45 minutes ago#and i feel like my entire sense of being is being squeezed by the giant hand of god. oh how cruel.#animal death ment/#no im not over cassy dying yet. he wasnt even 2 years old yet. he was way too fucking young to die so suddenly.#my uncle was too young too. my dad is 2 years older than him & he's in general good health still#but cancer doesnt descriminate. it would take us all if it could.
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If American politics wants to be the funniest 2 weeks to a month before the election both Donald Trump and Joe biden would die of natural causes
#winters ramblings#theyre both old as shit especially biden that man is hanging on by his millionth dollar#and trump runs on spite but like if they BOTH died just normally because theyre old itd be WILD and id still feel bad for Americans#like damn yall your politics is nuts#aye yo terfs dont fucking reblog this i want YOU dead of natural causes too
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They made hyoga look so much cooler in the anime hes just standing there , in the manga theyre all dripping wet and bedraggled and senku is dying as usual
#Dr stone#isnt it cute that he was holding onto tsukasa for dear life for that whole sequence .....#after hearing his name called so weakly im sure he would not have let go of tsukasa come hell or high water ... he was covering his wound#with such a shaky hand like he was so fucking stressed out but he couldnt let tsukasa be swept away from him he had to keep both their head#afloat the whole time they were fighting against the current and tsukasa is also twice his size and complete dead weight#ALSO HANG ON WAIT I JUST REALISED SOMETHING#HYOGA... wanted to get senku alone to talk to him but he attacked tsuaksa ... and when hyoga wanted to hit tsukasa he attacked mirai#thats scary because he immediately identified that theyre ride or die together ... hyoga is the original tsukasen shipper#hes like oh you guys love each other ? Well that makes it easier for me#also this was the first time i noticed he wears short shorts and leather thigh high boots. omg slay queen where did you get your boots !#they wanted to make him a classic withdrawn coolguy with a samurai-esque work ethic but actually hes mega camp and a sweety (killed someone
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timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done
#rimi talks#it is SO messy and its so fun. i don't think geoff even realized the implications but they sure are there when you read it#god... you know its BAD when modern comics have me missing tt03 of all Fucking comics#but like. todays ''tell don't show'' writers would N E V E R do something this interesting#tom taylor would be all. oh! tim we shouldn't kiss. i'm just substituting you for kon because i miss him and you were his best friend!#and then he'd have tim go oh wow cassie you're right i didn't realize that! my bad. all forgiven? yay!!! :)#GOD YOU KNOW ITS BAD OUT HERE WHEN I THINK *GEOFF* DID SOMETHING RIGHT. GOD. GOD#GEOFF MY MORTAL ENEMY GEOFF. grits teeth yeah geoffrey i have to give you this one............#its just such a deliciously unhealthy coping mechanism. theyre a MESS. theyre using each other. theyre only able to go on bc of each other#its not a romance but it IS a codependency#bart isn't even dead yet when this happens. like. he's just off being the flash.#bart (extremely depressed bc he couldnt stop sbp and hold him in the speed force forever): :| ok#not his circus. not his monkeys.#well it is his monkeys even if he left the circus. but he's too depressed to deal with it#but its so fun. this relationship is haunted. there's a ghost in the middle. they both want to kiss him instead of each other.#tim#cassie#timcassie
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god what really gets me about dead boy detectives and what i think i love so much about the show and the relationships in it is that like. the romantic and sexual relationships aren't portrayed as being more unique or important than the platonic relationships. they're all just RELATIONSHIPS.
charles and crystal's attraction to each other and eventual hookup isn't this big end-all be-all relationship that shatter charles and edwin's friendship and draws charles' attention away from edwin; it's just a THING that happens. they're just two people that care about each other and happen to also be attracted to each other, and a hook-up happens, then they decide that neither of them are in the right place for it and it's nothing awful. crystal kisses charles, but it isn't some big spectacle of her declaring her love for him; it's just her saying goodbye and that she cares about him, like her hugs with niko and jenny and her handshake with edwin.
edwin realizes he loves charles romantically and tells him, and charles says he doesn't really love edwin romantically BACK, but it's okay, because they still love each other so much in so many other ways that this one tiny difference could never change them—and it doesn't!! they're still just as close, still care for each other just as much, still SHOW that care for each other just as much. their relationship didn't completely end because edwin loved charles in a way charles couldn't reciprocate, but at the same time it isn't "solved" by edwin getting over it, because there's nothing TO solve. it's just another type of love, added to everything that already exists between them. and they have LITERALLY FOREVER to figure out what it means.
the relationships between edwin & niko, crystal & niko, and crystal & edwin aren't given any less weight for being solely platonic, just as charles & crystal's relationship and edwin's feelings for charles aren't given (that much) MORE weight for being romantic. crystal and charles' conflict in the closet is about EDWIN, about how they're BOTH his friend and BOTH want to get him back; it has very little to do with the feelings between THEM, romantic or otherwise. similarly, the weight of charles' and edwin's relationship isn't diminished in the LEAST by charles not reciprocating the romantic side of his feelings (or SAYING he doesn't reciprocate, at least—we can all argue about the legitimacy of that in the notes).
i'm sure there are more examples than this, as well as probably some examples that CONTRADICT this, but like... by and large, it feels like dead boy detectives is a show where all the relationships are given equal weight regardless of platonic, sexual, romantic, or familial status, and as someone on both the asexual and aromantic spectrums who has struggled time and time again with shows casting out the importance of all other relationships in favor of prioritizing romance, that is INCREDIBLY refreshing to see.
#this might be a lot of run-on sentences and me repeating itself because its 2 am rn (sidenote how the HELL did it get that late last i chec#-ed it was like 11???) but i hope u enjoy anyway 👍#magpie thoughts#dead boy detectives#ik before watching the show i saw a lot of people were annoyed by charles and crystal's relationship and thought it felt forced and like#-they had no romantic chemistry#but honestly. having watched the show. i don't see that at all?#like maybe it's just me being aspec and not getting what ''romantic chemistry'' even IS but like. they were people. they were two fucked up#-people that happened to be attracted to each other and they hooked up when both of them were in low places and agreed to not go any furthe#-after. but beyond all of that they are FRIENDS and they STAY friends and like. they just felt like PEOPLE#the way they were written and the way the actors ACTED IT felt like ten times better to me than the dozens of pinacle romances i've seen in#-other tv shows#(and also i gotta say i love the other CASUALNESS with which sex was mentioned in the early episodes. it wasnt made out to be this big thin#-that only happens when tied to romance; it was just a THING. theyre both hot and in different circumstances they totally would have had se#-about it (and eventually they did but thats besides the point). that's it)#they're people. this is a show full of ghosts and demons and witches and crows-turned-into-boys but they are all fundamentally just PEOPLE#beautiful and fucked up human beings that feel attraction and hurt and fear and love in a million different ways.#AUGH i love this show so much#paineland#payneland#crystal palace#charles rowland#edwin payne#niko sasaki#dead boy detective netflix#dbda
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stede is 'oh this place has something related to my interest i must go in immediately' autistic and izzy is 'if we deviate one inch from my plan for today i will murder someone' autistic
#stede wandering off into the forest to look at bugs was not on the schedule or any of izzys contingency schedules#new thing i think would fix izzy: a clear fucking plan#in the nebulous reunion timeline future i see izzy researching every port town they are gonna stop in HARD so he can figure out everywhere#stede + ed might possibly want to go and plan several routes for the day to keep himself calm in the inevitable chaos#(and yet somehow every time stede finds something he missed and they still go off script anyway)#(he tries to go separately around port from them one time and its a fucking disaster; someone gets stabbed; so he just resigns himself to#incredibly stressful port stops)#its not like stede + ed mean to do it!! theyre both awful for it individually and they just feed off each other#its ok because theyre very good at letting izzy have the deck Exactly how he wants it and scheduling as much big picture stuff as they can#with him#(when stede realises theyve been the cause of like. 65% of izzys stress they finally agree to let him redo the rigging as an apology and#they suddenly realise watching him buy the supplies that hes just as bad as them in his own way)#(he absolutely terrorizes the rope guy but they have never seen him so relaxed as when he was up there redoing all the lines)#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#stede bonnet#you can pry autistic izzy away from my cold dead hands
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somebody said alnst was an example of burying your gays bc theyre doomed and its like. no? that isnt what burying your gays is? at all? media literacy please come back i need you
#alnst#alien stage#theyre doomed and happen to be gay#they arent dying cuz theyre gay or gay because theyre dying#theyre gay bc vivinos has a history of producing queer media#and theyre doomed because alien stage is a tragic story that will most likely have a bad ending#they are both but the causes of being both are unrelated to each other#and burying your gays in its actual uses makes gay characters “more expendable” than straight ones#but in alnst the focus is on gay characters and their deaths are the groundwork and plot of the series#there is no expendability#and they arent being removed from the plot in the way burying your gays is meant to do#sua and ivan are still very important characters despite death that get good attention from the series?#and the gay characters (mizisua and ivantill) are more important to the story than the “straight characters” (hyunaluka)#if alien stage is an example of the bury your gays trope its doing a really fucking awful job at what that trope is meant to do#they are gay people who happen to be dead#its not related and it isnt homophobic they just happen to both be true and coexisting#gay people can have tragic storylines without being discriminated against
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they get to dance. or. whatevers up with them. this was already sketched like right after finishing the last art wirh the two of them so i had to finish it. i think the dynamic idea is interestinf actuallt irs a shame that like. nothing fuckinf exists but alas i have tje power to create and boy did i do that. erm. hey guys. more infinadow before i fixate on another pairing i suppose
#infinadow#shadfinite#shadow the hedgehog#infinite the jackal#sth#sth fanart#sonic the hedgehog#scraparts#i think i can understand to a degree what people say about them being similar but id also argue with the direction of their characters &#like. how theyre handled it is definitely more interesting imo to think about how they different and how the differemr handlings of them#both as antagonists shifts how their character is portrayed and percieved otherwise.#itd be interesting to me at least if infinite was given a more blatant chance to right his wrongs but @ the same time i do think hes better#off Staying in his role rather than deviating from it. probablt gives him a little more control over what happens to him instead of being#fucked repeatedly by Situations and Scenarios and the like#anyways whatever he should kill people#& hes not dead because they dont kill anyone nearly enough as they maybe should#& although unlikely i do think itd be interesting if infinite could have some ties to the cyberspace deal in frontiers. hed probably fit#right in. what ev im rambling
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btw todd’s reluctance to join the dps because he doesn’t want to read (which is then accommodated for) and is scared to put himself out there (which is also worked through) being read as todd not wanting to go AT ALL, and thus neil making the proper accommodations (“todd anderson, who prefers not to read, will keep the minutes of the meetings”) and encouraging him to step out of the box that stifles him being seen as ‘forceful’ or like he can’t take no for an answer makes me insane with rage
#and him trying to stop neil from asking if todd not reading at the meetings is okay isn’t him wanting not to go#its him not wanting neil to ask because (as someone with social anxiety) it’s EMBARRASSING ASF for someone to ask for things on your behalf#literally just think about it as the meme of ‘when i tell my friend im hungry and he tells his mom that *i* want food instead of both of us’#and the whole ��neil not knowing how to take no for an answer’ thing…… dont get me fucking started#the kid who’s had to take no for an answer his whole life? the kid whose first proper scene IS him taking no for an answer? are you serious?#being encouraging and accommodating and (admittedly) a little pushy when he’s got his mind set on something—#—is NAWT the same as not being able to take no for an answer or bulldozing through conversations with people#he and todd DO listen to each other in those conversations theyre just on opposing sides—#—because their understandings of the world don’t fully align at that point in time/the movie#which is totally fucking normal?????? because later on they DO properly align?????????#i feel so crazy about this every time i see someone say todd didn’t want to go the dead poets meetings because it’s so obvious he DID#he was just scared#and you know what maybe it IS a little forceful#but given how dedicated todd is to shutting off and hating and isolating himself he NEEDS a little forceful to be broken through to#if no one ever pushed me to do things when i was scared (as irritated as it can make me) i’d never do SHIT dude#and obviously todd is the same way because he ALL BUT OUTRIGHT SAYS AS MUCH#‘i appreciate this concern but i’m not like you’ IS about neil’s voice and opinions mattering to people but it’s ALSO about—#—him being outgoing and trying new things and putting himself out there#WHICH TODD WANTS TO BE ABLE TO DO!!!!!!!!#the moral you take away from todds growth is NOT that he has to change to be accepted because he DOESNT#its that he has to gain the confidence and belief in himself to grow and become the version of himself he WANTS to be#he NEVER changes on a fundamental level to make others happy (although his growth does make others happy) he just opens up more#and i dont know WHY some people think his arc is becoming a completely different person#like yall PLEASE#this isnt even an anderperry thing this is an issue even if you read them completely platonic#i blame the FUCKASS novelization…. dps book you will always be hated by ME#dps#dead poets society#neil perry#todd anderson
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band au eva and skuggy is a crack dynamic i think about more than i should
#eva is a uni student who thinks he has this shit figured out until he meets skuggy and decides#this is the guy hes going to prop up to idealism. this guy sucks so hard hes a loser yet hes more chill than i am.#i must be doing something wrong if this asshole is enjoying life more than me. what do you MEAN we both have anxiety.#he buys weed from him one time (shaking pupils dilated 'oh my god im going to hell im in so nuch trouvle' and he overpaid lol) and#had ONE bad trip and this guy gave him like 3 sentences of advice on how to get over it and now he's stuck with him#eva trauma dumps on him and skuggy really is about to block him but he thinks whatevers wrong with him is more entertaining#doesnt want him dead doesnt want him fucking off because hes gonna get so robbed and used. guess he'll just pay for my groceries#digital#ocs#eva#skuggy#doodles#idk theyre funny to me. i need to spin them in my head#i think about them all hanging out in band au a lot but never rlly have art ideas for them. julian n buggy r friends#band au#julian#forgit he was there
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thinking of.. My jorunalist..... (8 love giving them different hats in each drawing even tho they only wear the aviator hat in blah blah current whatbwr) anyways clumby picked them up from a wet cardboard box in the rain and decided to adopt that CREATURE (still figuring out how 2 draw her)
Ohh I want to eat mango bites
#sincil popup#clumby clumbernut#bugsnax#id imagine their relationship is very strained in present#fuck imagine your mom basically declaring youre legally dead#i like thinking theyre both hurting like thinking your kid is dead because of some journalist stuff and wanting truth and whatever and like#if theyre uhh legally dead or whatver then. maybe they can just. stay away from that stuff even if thats what they love or whatever#a lot of trying to discourage sincil into researching snaktooth#but i may not understand her character so take what i say with a big fat grain of salt#bugsnax oc#grumpus oc#i dont think clumby should be drawn without her eyelids... she looks so wrong.... im so sorry clumby...#also last names dont line up because Im Cute :-3#dibujo
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do you even get how profoundly unsustainable ougi's situation was. do you even get how badly it must have been hurting her. how unhappy it must have been. do you even get how she was doing the exact same thing araragi was, and it was just as sad and just as lonely? do you even get that "becoming herself" was supposed to mean she wouldn't have to be araragi's opposite anymore? was supposed to mean she wouldn't have to be stagnant and in that dark lonely place while he got to move forward, because she was supposed to represent his past? ougi will smile through the most fucked up shit. ougi will grin and bear literal actual death. can you fault me for not thinking she's okay when she's still doing the same shit that almost got her to kill herself? when's the last time you watched tsukimonogatari episode 4. when's the last time you watched ougi dark. when's the last time you really thought about it. tell me. tell me.
#it's just so not okay. whatever#monogatari spoilers#i feel like i'm yelling into the void#ougiposting#like. araragi's self sacrifice and ougi's self sacrifice. ARE THE SAME!!!! BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME!!!!!!!!#araragi plays the martyr. and ougi plays the villain. and theyre both fucking committed to the bit#they are both wrong in the same ways because OF COURSE THEY WOULD BE#ougi was a ghost. do you get what that means. nowhere to go nowhere to belong and destined to die. already dead.#that was ougi's life for 6 months. ougi pushed herself through that for 6 months#and it's almost like. that's exactly what araragi would do. and what araragi did do#their unhealthy mindset is the same and yet araragi gets to move on and ougi has to stay tied to it. forever apparently. that is BAD#sending this post to nisioisin tbh#monogatari#oshino ougi#musubimonogatari
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also im gonna be honest, while i think rdr is a fantastic game and a well written tragedy, i really dont jive with the ultimate message of "nothing is forgiven and nothing gets forgotten". i get that at the core of thing, both John and Arthur have done some pretty heinous shit and that no amount of good deeds can make up for the lives they've taken, but so many people suffer unnecessarily, including them. the whole message of "it doesnt matter if you try" is just like... man. ok i guess.
#not fallout#kal talks#rdrposting#look i KNOW why they get the endings they do and i KNOW they're written this way intentionally because they're tragic characters#just.#i dont like it#redemption through dying is never my fave metric#being able to choose who you are and KEEP making that choice even when it would be easier not to#that is much more meaningful to me than 'you fucked up big time and thats IT for you buddy!!!'#the game vacillates wildly between 'we all make mistakes and we're all bad in some way but that doesnt mean we shouldnt keep trying'#to#'try all you want but you will never rise above your worst self'#both arthur and john really deserved to deal with the consequences of their actions but they cant do that when theyre dead
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reading a book/ watching a show and loving it only to find out there isnt any fanbase <<<
#the clackity#small spaces#dead voices#empty smiles#the smiling man#olivia adler#yall please read the small spaces books 😭#theyre so good i promise#and the clackity#both series are very coraline esque#hiding this in the tags#because its lowkey weird as fuck#but like the smiling man is so fineeee#like-#it just sounds crazy when theres no fanbase that agrees with u 😭
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Some of yall deeply underestimate how much some cis men are threatened by trans men and our masculinity. How theres so many cis dudes out there that want to rape us, thinking that will make us detransition. How many incels out there are mad at us for betraying womanhood and not sucking their dick. How much they want to force us to detransition, how much they want to kill us and force us into hiding which, to me, minus well be killing us since theyre smothering who we are for the sake of a status quo. We shake their fundamental understanding of the world. Its one thing for a GIRL to be a tomboy to them. They think its cute, like a baby pretending to be an adult. Its a whole other thing for someone percieved as a woman to try to actually be a man to them. They think thw fact we have the gal to assume we can escape their grasp, to escape the kitchen or whatever tf, means we're disrespecting them and trying to "destroy" them, rather than what it really is, us trying to be independent. We're the exact thing these types of cis men hate. Sometimes they tolerate (emphasis here bc im not saying they accept yall. Dont twist my words)trans women bc they fetishize them but they want to completely eradicate us becayse we threaten the patriarchy by virtue of deciding we dont need a man to take care of us, we want to be the man that takes care of ourselves.
#and bc ik how some of yall are on this site and how uncharitable you are let me be clear: just because they TOLERATE trans women/fems#sometimes. doesnt mean i think they actually respect you or see you as you. im not abot to say you somehow have it easier. they want to use#you and then dump your body somewhere. im well aware of that. but they *also* want to entirely entrap us and our identities and keep us#smothered with no escape. its why were seeing child marriage laws. its why were seeing anti abortion laws. its why we're seeing rights#stripped away from ppl wrongly percieved as women becayse theyre so threatened by us and how we think we can be on our own#that they have to try more extreme measures ro control us our bodies and self expression. its why candace owens goes on saying#'does women voting actually do any good for anyone??'#and no. entrapment isnt them somehow caring about us mlre than you. thats their alternative to killing us but its not an alternative bc it#fundamentally strips us of our rights and autonomy. and also. entrapping us and forcing us out of our gender. like i said. minus well be#killing us. its not likely we'll just get to run away free from these men if they get this type of power. its more likely they kill us for#even daring to betray them their values and words.#so how tf is anyone more privileged in this situation? in trans spaces? can we really fucking say someone has it worse rn.#is it really worth it to try to divide and weigh who has it worse. bc they want both os us dead for being who we are.#and its not like they dont offer yall an out to. its just their out is ALSO basically killing yourself bc they want you to conform to#cishet white manhood.#also it goes both ways. cis women are like this towards trans women. its the proximity effect.#where you get more upset with different people who are also more like you than other ppl#the difference i'd argue though is cis men- at least the ones in power- have more of an ability to remove us than cis women#like its easier for them to do.
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ok im not responding to that person anymore but the white reveal holy shit what. you should in fact stop making walls of text whiteknighting for black ppl who have varied opinions on that episode and talking like ur an authority on this. i dont even know what to say lmao i will continue to shut up about it because genuinely what is any of this its ridiculous we should not be the centering our opinions in a conversation about racism. that apology was for who i thought was a black person having no patience for me posting my thoughts on a thingt i do not experience not for a white person absolutely dominating the conversation across the dw tag over a topic that you should not be centering yourself in????
#i will always listen to black people who call me out whether or not theyre just yelling at me or wte#because racism is an exhausting thing to experience#i have very little time for a white person writing me an essay about how i need to shut up when theyre actively centering#their white opinion on the racism episode as fact and drowning out black ppls commentary including ppl who are saying the same thing#like u are in fact still taking over black fans when u make a billion posts repeating things they've already said instead of just rbing#theyre now vagueing me like ''the fact people assume im black for speaking out on racism really shows fandom is dominated by white ppl''#MOTHERFUCKER I THOUGHT U WERE BLACK BECAUSE UR SPEAKING AS AN AUTHORITY ON THIS WHICH U SHOULD NOT BE DOING#u have multiple long posts talking abt white ppl as if ur not one and probably regurgitating points from black creators without credit#they really tagged that post ''what happened to silence is violence'' im dead#also in their second rb they were saying im uncritical of the way rtd writes black characters and like fucking how lol#even just based on that post how did u get there. i was literally @ing the people who are acting like he's antiracist for this#but tbh they were acting like the word antiracist is synonymous with unproblematic and perfect and that makes a lot of sense lol#very telling from someone who frames themself as an antiracist activist while pulling this shit#fucking wild#we do not get to decide whether that episode was done well or not. as white people. regardless of our first thoughts on it#like we should both just rb black peoples thoughts on it and stfu#they were so eager to tell me noo you absolutely SHOULD post ur white opinions on whether or not racism was handled well in this episode#and definitely dont wait to see black fans thoughts on it before saying anything because silence is violence. hm#okay
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