#because theyre dead. theyre both fucking dead.
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It's been a month and a half and I'm still not even over Cassy yet, idk how I'm supposed to live with my uncle being dead too
#speculation nation#negative/#i have been. yeah. but it barely feels like living.#acting as a marionette as people expect me to. revving my mental engines like 'yes i am absolutely going to work on a creative project#just watch me go i am Going to work on a creative project'#but then i try and it's just lacking in soul because it almost feels like i dont have one right now.#because my uncle is dead and my life is normal and i dont even have a loud grey baby to yell at me until i feed him#because theyre dead. theyre both fucking dead.#sometimes i wish it was possible to pick and choose who fate goes for next. there are people in my life that i just would not mind dying.#people who only bring difficulty to me. why cant They have died instead?#but no. it's my precious little loverboy and my fun loving & kind uncle#i hugged him goodbye and told him i love him and the next day he was dead. just like that. and i was in fucking colorado.#im at the end of my fucking rope y'all and i need to clean my apartment and set up a psychiatry appointment and call my landlord#and through it all i have to work and work and work and work#and im trying to bring some semblance of normalcy to myself by pointing myself at creative projects#but i cant commit to one bc im feeling it im feeling it im feeling it and then im not#click click click click goes the revolver of ideas on and on and on and it wont settle i think it settles and then it's moving on#and i pretend it's okay i smile i pretend it's okay i laugh i pretend it's okay but im living with a permanent crack in my brain#on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on (and on)#at least i have video games. im probably just going to play more fire emblem when i get home.#sorry for getting a bit to venting in here but im still sitting in the bathroom after clocking out 45 minutes ago#and i feel like my entire sense of being is being squeezed by the giant hand of god. oh how cruel.#animal death ment/#no im not over cassy dying yet. he wasnt even 2 years old yet. he was way too fucking young to die so suddenly.#my uncle was too young too. my dad is 2 years older than him & he's in general good health still#but cancer doesnt descriminate. it would take us all if it could.
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If American politics wants to be the funniest 2 weeks to a month before the election both Donald Trump and Joe biden would die of natural causes
#winters ramblings#theyre both old as shit especially biden that man is hanging on by his millionth dollar#and trump runs on spite but like if they BOTH died just normally because theyre old itd be WILD and id still feel bad for Americans#like damn yall your politics is nuts#aye yo terfs dont fucking reblog this i want YOU dead of natural causes too
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They made hyoga look so much cooler in the anime hes just standing there , in the manga theyre all dripping wet and bedraggled and senku is dying as usual
#Dr stone#isnt it cute that he was holding onto tsukasa for dear life for that whole sequence .....#after hearing his name called so weakly im sure he would not have let go of tsukasa come hell or high water ... he was covering his wound#with such a shaky hand like he was so fucking stressed out but he couldnt let tsukasa be swept away from him he had to keep both their head#afloat the whole time they were fighting against the current and tsukasa is also twice his size and complete dead weight#ALSO HANG ON WAIT I JUST REALISED SOMETHING#HYOGA... wanted to get senku alone to talk to him but he attacked tsuaksa ... and when hyoga wanted to hit tsukasa he attacked mirai#thats scary because he immediately identified that theyre ride or die together ... hyoga is the original tsukasen shipper#hes like oh you guys love each other ? Well that makes it easier for me#also this was the first time i noticed he wears short shorts and leather thigh high boots. omg slay queen where did you get your boots !#they wanted to make him a classic withdrawn coolguy with a samurai-esque work ethic but actually hes mega camp and a sweety (killed someone
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timcassie is so compelling to me. they were not into each other even a little bit. it was such a messy coping mechanism fuelled entirely by grief. they were making out with each other because they were both substituting each other for kon. cassie was far more aware she was doing this than tim was. unironically, dating a girl here is one of the gayest things tim has done
#rimi talks#it is SO messy and its so fun. i don't think geoff even realized the implications but they sure are there when you read it#god... you know its BAD when modern comics have me missing tt03 of all Fucking comics#but like. todays ''tell don't show'' writers would N E V E R do something this interesting#tom taylor would be all. oh! tim we shouldn't kiss. i'm just substituting you for kon because i miss him and you were his best friend!#and then he'd have tim go oh wow cassie you're right i didn't realize that! my bad. all forgiven? yay!!! :)#GOD YOU KNOW ITS BAD OUT HERE WHEN I THINK *GEOFF* DID SOMETHING RIGHT. GOD. GOD#GEOFF MY MORTAL ENEMY GEOFF. grits teeth yeah geoffrey i have to give you this one............#its just such a deliciously unhealthy coping mechanism. theyre a MESS. theyre using each other. theyre only able to go on bc of each other#its not a romance but it IS a codependency#bart isn't even dead yet when this happens. like. he's just off being the flash.#bart (extremely depressed bc he couldnt stop sbp and hold him in the speed force forever): :| ok#not his circus. not his monkeys.#well it is his monkeys even if he left the circus. but he's too depressed to deal with it#but its so fun. this relationship is haunted. there's a ghost in the middle. they both want to kiss him instead of each other.#tim#cassie#timcassie
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god what really gets me about dead boy detectives and what i think i love so much about the show and the relationships in it is that like. the romantic and sexual relationships aren't portrayed as being more unique or important than the platonic relationships. they're all just RELATIONSHIPS.
charles and crystal's attraction to each other and eventual hookup isn't this big end-all be-all relationship that shatter charles and edwin's friendship and draws charles' attention away from edwin; it's just a THING that happens. they're just two people that care about each other and happen to also be attracted to each other, and a hook-up happens, then they decide that neither of them are in the right place for it and it's nothing awful. crystal kisses charles, but it isn't some big spectacle of her declaring her love for him; it's just her saying goodbye and that she cares about him, like her hugs with niko and jenny and her handshake with edwin.
edwin realizes he loves charles romantically and tells him, and charles says he doesn't really love edwin romantically BACK, but it's okay, because they still love each other so much in so many other ways that this one tiny difference could never change them—and it doesn't!! they're still just as close, still care for each other just as much, still SHOW that care for each other just as much. their relationship didn't completely end because edwin loved charles in a way charles couldn't reciprocate, but at the same time it isn't "solved" by edwin getting over it, because there's nothing TO solve. it's just another type of love, added to everything that already exists between them. and they have LITERALLY FOREVER to figure out what it means.
the relationships between edwin & niko, crystal & niko, and crystal & edwin aren't given any less weight for being solely platonic, just as charles & crystal's relationship and edwin's feelings for charles aren't given (that much) MORE weight for being romantic. crystal and charles' conflict in the closet is about EDWIN, about how they're BOTH his friend and BOTH want to get him back; it has very little to do with the feelings between THEM, romantic or otherwise. similarly, the weight of charles' and edwin's relationship isn't diminished in the LEAST by charles not reciprocating the romantic side of his feelings (or SAYING he doesn't reciprocate, at least—we can all argue about the legitimacy of that in the notes).
i'm sure there are more examples than this, as well as probably some examples that CONTRADICT this, but like... by and large, it feels like dead boy detectives is a show where all the relationships are given equal weight regardless of platonic, sexual, romantic, or familial status, and as someone on both the asexual and aromantic spectrums who has struggled time and time again with shows casting out the importance of all other relationships in favor of prioritizing romance, that is INCREDIBLY refreshing to see.
#this might be a lot of run-on sentences and me repeating itself because its 2 am rn (sidenote how the HELL did it get that late last i chec#-ed it was like 11???) but i hope u enjoy anyway 👍#magpie thoughts#dead boy detectives#ik before watching the show i saw a lot of people were annoyed by charles and crystal's relationship and thought it felt forced and like#-they had no romantic chemistry#but honestly. having watched the show. i don't see that at all?#like maybe it's just me being aspec and not getting what ''romantic chemistry'' even IS but like. they were people. they were two fucked up#-people that happened to be attracted to each other and they hooked up when both of them were in low places and agreed to not go any furthe#-after. but beyond all of that they are FRIENDS and they STAY friends and like. they just felt like PEOPLE#the way they were written and the way the actors ACTED IT felt like ten times better to me than the dozens of pinacle romances i've seen in#-other tv shows#(and also i gotta say i love the other CASUALNESS with which sex was mentioned in the early episodes. it wasnt made out to be this big thin#-that only happens when tied to romance; it was just a THING. theyre both hot and in different circumstances they totally would have had se#-about it (and eventually they did but thats besides the point). that's it)#they're people. this is a show full of ghosts and demons and witches and crows-turned-into-boys but they are all fundamentally just PEOPLE#beautiful and fucked up human beings that feel attraction and hurt and fear and love in a million different ways.#AUGH i love this show so much#paineland#payneland#crystal palace#charles rowland#edwin payne#niko sasaki#dead boy detective netflix#dbda
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stede is 'oh this place has something related to my interest i must go in immediately' autistic and izzy is 'if we deviate one inch from my plan for today i will murder someone' autistic
#stede wandering off into the forest to look at bugs was not on the schedule or any of izzys contingency schedules#new thing i think would fix izzy: a clear fucking plan#in the nebulous reunion timeline future i see izzy researching every port town they are gonna stop in HARD so he can figure out everywhere#stede + ed might possibly want to go and plan several routes for the day to keep himself calm in the inevitable chaos#(and yet somehow every time stede finds something he missed and they still go off script anyway)#(he tries to go separately around port from them one time and its a fucking disaster; someone gets stabbed; so he just resigns himself to#incredibly stressful port stops)#its not like stede + ed mean to do it!! theyre both awful for it individually and they just feed off each other#its ok because theyre very good at letting izzy have the deck Exactly how he wants it and scheduling as much big picture stuff as they can#with him#(when stede realises theyve been the cause of like. 65% of izzys stress they finally agree to let him redo the rigging as an apology and#they suddenly realise watching him buy the supplies that hes just as bad as them in his own way)#(he absolutely terrorizes the rope guy but they have never seen him so relaxed as when he was up there redoing all the lines)#nyxtalks#ofmd#izzy hands#israel hands#stede bonnet#you can pry autistic izzy away from my cold dead hands
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somebody said alnst was an example of burying your gays bc theyre doomed and its like. no? that isnt what burying your gays is? at all? media literacy please come back i need you
#alnst#alien stage#theyre doomed and happen to be gay#they arent dying cuz theyre gay or gay because theyre dying#theyre gay bc vivinos has a history of producing queer media#and theyre doomed because alien stage is a tragic story that will most likely have a bad ending#they are both but the causes of being both are unrelated to each other#and burying your gays in its actual uses makes gay characters “more expendable” than straight ones#but in alnst the focus is on gay characters and their deaths are the groundwork and plot of the series#there is no expendability#and they arent being removed from the plot in the way burying your gays is meant to do#sua and ivan are still very important characters despite death that get good attention from the series?#and the gay characters (mizisua and ivantill) are more important to the story than the “straight characters” (hyunaluka)#if alien stage is an example of the bury your gays trope its doing a really fucking awful job at what that trope is meant to do#they are gay people who happen to be dead#its not related and it isnt homophobic they just happen to both be true and coexisting#gay people can have tragic storylines without being discriminated against
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Fuck you season five episode nine genuinely some of the worst shit they clobbered together
#just thought abt ir again im suddenly overcome with a sense of hatred and disdain#evwrything about that episode feels so half assed. its just straight up poop from a butt#nick as a character is incredibly annoying and inconsistent. starts out as a tool for exposition(rick trainibg the crows and he tells morty-#how shitty he is. Gee Thanks we definitely couldnt have concluded that from seeing rick train the crows)#only for him to just switch to a huge asshole who wants everyone dead#like. ugh.hes just so surface level and boring and UNNECESSARY. i genuinely believe if he didnt exist the episode would be improved tenfold#because ill admit!!! i like(most of) the r&m scenes!!! their spats are well written!!! i think they should have been a bigger focus;!!!#and dont even get me started on that buzzwordy word salad annoying as fuck speech rick has before he leaves#its so. badly written. its so awkward and so out of character. it genuinely feels like the set up to a rug pull momeny#AND LISTEN!;;;;;!!!!! I DONT HATE THE CONCEPT OF A RICK AND MORTY SPLIT UP#but why do we not see any of it???? god. like we could and Should have had one(1) singular episode where they live their separate lives#show how theyre both doing worse or maybe BETTER without each other while still falling back into old toxic habits#like ok. u have a status quo and all that. but if u cant commit to your split up concept ... well maybe dont force it in as a plot point#that lasts maybe ten minutes in total.#FUUUUCCCCKKKK i hate this episode so much genuinely. i hate ricks speech so much.#ur telling me the worlds most emotionally constipated guy musters up the empathy to remove himself from the toxically codependent dynamic-#he created for his own comfort in one day. he learns all of that in twelve hours or less.#heres my impression of what rick's speech really would have looked like#“hey im gonna uh. spend some time with the crows. i think.”#and scene#god and what about beth. rick never says anything to the rest of thw family and when he shows up again no one gafs#omg okay. tldr lol fuck this episodw i genuinely hate it so much and nothing will ever make me like it
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they get to dance. or. whatevers up with them. this was already sketched like right after finishing the last art wirh the two of them so i had to finish it. i think the dynamic idea is interestinf actuallt irs a shame that like. nothing fuckinf exists but alas i have tje power to create and boy did i do that. erm. hey guys. more infinadow before i fixate on another pairing i suppose
#infinadow#shadfinite#shadow the hedgehog#infinite the jackal#sth#sth fanart#sonic the hedgehog#scraparts#i think i can understand to a degree what people say about them being similar but id also argue with the direction of their characters &#like. how theyre handled it is definitely more interesting imo to think about how they different and how the differemr handlings of them#both as antagonists shifts how their character is portrayed and percieved otherwise.#itd be interesting to me at least if infinite was given a more blatant chance to right his wrongs but @ the same time i do think hes better#off Staying in his role rather than deviating from it. probablt gives him a little more control over what happens to him instead of being#fucked repeatedly by Situations and Scenarios and the like#anyways whatever he should kill people#& hes not dead because they dont kill anyone nearly enough as they maybe should#& although unlikely i do think itd be interesting if infinite could have some ties to the cyberspace deal in frontiers. hed probably fit#right in. what ev im rambling
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btw todd’s reluctance to join the dps because he doesn’t want to read (which is then accommodated for) and is scared to put himself out there (which is also worked through) being read as todd not wanting to go AT ALL, and thus neil making the proper accommodations (“todd anderson, who prefers not to read, will keep the minutes of the meetings”) and encouraging him to step out of the box that stifles him being seen as ‘forceful’ or like he can’t take no for an answer makes me insane with rage
#and him trying to stop neil from asking if todd not reading at the meetings is okay isn’t him wanting not to go#its him not wanting neil to ask because (as someone with social anxiety) it’s EMBARRASSING ASF for someone to ask for things on your behalf#literally just think about it as the meme of ‘when i tell my friend im hungry and he tells his mom that *i* want food instead of both of us’#and the whole ‘neil not knowing how to take no for an answer’ thing…… dont get me fucking started#the kid who’s had to take no for an answer his whole life? the kid whose first proper scene IS him taking no for an answer? are you serious?#being encouraging and accommodating and (admittedly) a little pushy when he’s got his mind set on something—#—is NAWT the same as not being able to take no for an answer or bulldozing through conversations with people#he and todd DO listen to each other in those conversations theyre just on opposing sides—#—because their understandings of the world don’t fully align at that point in time/the movie#which is totally fucking normal?????? because later on they DO properly align?????????#i feel so crazy about this every time i see someone say todd didn’t want to go the dead poets meetings because it’s so obvious he DID#he was just scared#and you know what maybe it IS a little forceful#but given how dedicated todd is to shutting off and hating and isolating himself he NEEDS a little forceful to be broken through to#if no one ever pushed me to do things when i was scared (as irritated as it can make me) i’d never do SHIT dude#and obviously todd is the same way because he ALL BUT OUTRIGHT SAYS AS MUCH#‘i appreciate this concern but i’m not like you’ IS about neil’s voice and opinions mattering to people but it’s ALSO about—#—him being outgoing and trying new things and putting himself out there#WHICH TODD WANTS TO BE ABLE TO DO!!!!!!!!#the moral you take away from todds growth is NOT that he has to change to be accepted because he DOESNT#its that he has to gain the confidence and belief in himself to grow and become the version of himself he WANTS to be#he NEVER changes on a fundamental level to make others happy (although his growth does make others happy) he just opens up more#and i dont know WHY some people think his arc is becoming a completely different person#like yall PLEASE#this isnt even an anderperry thing this is an issue even if you read them completely platonic#i blame the FUCKASS novelization…. dps book you will always be hated by ME#dps#dead poets society#neil perry#todd anderson
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band au eva and skuggy is a crack dynamic i think about more than i should
#eva is a uni student who thinks he has this shit figured out until he meets skuggy and decides#this is the guy hes going to prop up to idealism. this guy sucks so hard hes a loser yet hes more chill than i am.#i must be doing something wrong if this asshole is enjoying life more than me. what do you MEAN we both have anxiety.#he buys weed from him one time (shaking pupils dilated 'oh my god im going to hell im in so nuch trouvle' and he overpaid lol) and#had ONE bad trip and this guy gave him like 3 sentences of advice on how to get over it and now he's stuck with him#eva trauma dumps on him and skuggy really is about to block him but he thinks whatevers wrong with him is more entertaining#doesnt want him dead doesnt want him fucking off because hes gonna get so robbed and used. guess he'll just pay for my groceries#digital#ocs#eva#skuggy#doodles#idk theyre funny to me. i need to spin them in my head#i think about them all hanging out in band au a lot but never rlly have art ideas for them. julian n buggy r friends#band au#julian#forgit he was there
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thinking of.. My jorunalist..... (8 love giving them different hats in each drawing even tho they only wear the aviator hat in blah blah current whatbwr) anyways clumby picked them up from a wet cardboard box in the rain and decided to adopt that CREATURE (still figuring out how 2 draw her)
Ohh I want to eat mango bites
#sincil popup#clumby clumbernut#bugsnax#id imagine their relationship is very strained in present#fuck imagine your mom basically declaring youre legally dead#i like thinking theyre both hurting like thinking your kid is dead because of some journalist stuff and wanting truth and whatever and like#if theyre uhh legally dead or whatver then. maybe they can just. stay away from that stuff even if thats what they love or whatever#a lot of trying to discourage sincil into researching snaktooth#but i may not understand her character so take what i say with a big fat grain of salt#bugsnax oc#grumpus oc#i dont think clumby should be drawn without her eyelids... she looks so wrong.... im so sorry clumby...#also last names dont line up because Im Cute :-3#dibujo
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do you even get how profoundly unsustainable ougi's situation was. do you even get how badly it must have been hurting her. how unhappy it must have been. do you even get how she was doing the exact same thing araragi was, and it was just as sad and just as lonely? do you even get that "becoming herself" was supposed to mean she wouldn't have to be araragi's opposite anymore? was supposed to mean she wouldn't have to be stagnant and in that dark lonely place while he got to move forward, because she was supposed to represent his past? ougi will smile through the most fucked up shit. ougi will grin and bear literal actual death. can you fault me for not thinking she's okay when she's still doing the same shit that almost got her to kill herself? when's the last time you watched tsukimonogatari episode 4. when's the last time you watched ougi dark. when's the last time you really thought about it. tell me. tell me.
#it's just so not okay. whatever#monogatari spoilers#i feel like i'm yelling into the void#ougiposting#like. araragi's self sacrifice and ougi's self sacrifice. ARE THE SAME!!!! BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME!!!!!!!!#araragi plays the martyr. and ougi plays the villain. and theyre both fucking committed to the bit#they are both wrong in the same ways because OF COURSE THEY WOULD BE#ougi was a ghost. do you get what that means. nowhere to go nowhere to belong and destined to die. already dead.#that was ougi's life for 6 months. ougi pushed herself through that for 6 months#and it's almost like. that's exactly what araragi would do. and what araragi did do#their unhealthy mindset is the same and yet araragi gets to move on and ougi has to stay tied to it. forever apparently. that is BAD#sending this post to nisioisin tbh#monogatari#oshino ougi#musubimonogatari
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also im gonna be honest, while i think rdr is a fantastic game and a well written tragedy, i really dont jive with the ultimate message of "nothing is forgiven and nothing gets forgotten". i get that at the core of thing, both John and Arthur have done some pretty heinous shit and that no amount of good deeds can make up for the lives they've taken, but so many people suffer unnecessarily, including them. the whole message of "it doesnt matter if you try" is just like... man. ok i guess.
#not fallout#kal talks#rdrposting#look i KNOW why they get the endings they do and i KNOW they're written this way intentionally because they're tragic characters#just.#i dont like it#redemption through dying is never my fave metric#being able to choose who you are and KEEP making that choice even when it would be easier not to#that is much more meaningful to me than 'you fucked up big time and thats IT for you buddy!!!'#the game vacillates wildly between 'we all make mistakes and we're all bad in some way but that doesnt mean we shouldnt keep trying'#to#'try all you want but you will never rise above your worst self'#both arthur and john really deserved to deal with the consequences of their actions but they cant do that when theyre dead
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very important to note that watanuki will be like im not a wife ew i don't even like that guy but then if someone tries to make a move or even moves in on the situation for non romantic plot reasons he's like really clearly fucked up about it like he doesn't lay claim because he doesn't think he has a right to do so but he will look out of sorts about it. oh you poor poor thing just say how you feel ....
#like its so funny but its also sad#these r the sorts of things you start thinking abt when you start analysing his facial expressions in rou lmao#that one scene over the phone with hima when he asserts himself in a wife like manner then a certain situation is recerenced and he just#dead stares#hes just a guy who has effectively scared himself out of believing he has the right to love enough to reach across self imposed barriers#fundamentally you realise in late game literally both sides of the pair think theyll be fucking things up if they assert their feelings#theyre limiting themsleves in the open from doing all the normal romantic things in ways that are put into words and decisive actions#for fear of doing something the other wouldnt want or not being worthy or the passage of time. or being aware of their own selfimposed limi#mentally slams head on wall theyre sooo#like they share a kind of intimate atmosphere where the strength of their emotions could charge entire cities and its a livein situation but#putting anything into words and gestures that arent at least a LITTLE in the abstract is impossible for them because of their believed limit
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favorite thing about dbd Fandom is seeing people's headcanons of killers hanging out between trials. They're a family to me :,)
#dead by daylight#a big. dysfunctional. emotionally fucked up family#theyre so family#that's probably why the dbd world is so warm to me in general because even though there's the horrors. there's also the sillies ^_^#like anything could be happening between trials. the entity feeds on emotions so there's gotta be some delicious moments for her to consume#some deliciously beautiful fambly moments#killers visiting each other's realms#danny bunking with amanda in gideons after sneakily just sleeping there without her knowledge#They're enemies and besties ^-^#legion and looking at gf as a parental figure against his will my beloved#whatever nurse and wraith got going on#billy and bubba are like brothers to me. especially since bubba is probably missing his own family :#these tags are so long but my love for them is even bigger ^-^#dbd killers#also amanda walking demo at the new ormond map side by side with portia and snug#both of their pets are wearing lil sweaters for the cold#portia respects the hell out of amanda for 'taming that beast'. amanda just remembers demo cuddling up to her in her realm one night#demo imprinted on her. he's her emotional support supernatural animal#he hates danny#hisses at him but doesn't kill him because he's Amanda's buddy#danny also hates him so it's even#annyway. that's it. those are my headcanons#as well as all killers exploring the new ormond realm together with their lil winter outfits on :')
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