#fun fact it used to be a very popular trope in fanfiction to have a character

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

I feel like you could have been really into fringe

Our first guesser!

I was not, in fact, into Fringe. While I was into the television show Timeless I'm actually very much not a fan of multiple universe (multiverse, metaverse, alternate timelines, time travel, whatever you want to call them) stories. They kind of make me feel like I'm staring into a void. Like that moment in the Indiana Jones movie that doesn't exist where Cate Blanchett's villain character says she wants the gift of knowledge and immediately knows too much and her head explodes? Like that.

In short: uncomfy.

I can handle time travel but only under very specific circumstances. And yet, I like reincarnation fics? I don't know. You like what you like I guess.

So I never got into Fringe! But given that I love The X-Files it's probably not all that surprising you'd think I'd be into it, it had a very similar vibe.

[flamedraco]

So I don't really post a lot on this site. I reblog shit but the amount of times I've actually "posted" in the sense of using my words is a lot smaller than my reblogs. I write a lot of fanfiction though. So in celebration of the fact that my tumblr is now apparently a year old??? I think? Like hell do I know how this site works but I got a notification this morning about it? But in celebration of that I'm going to talk about "You Were Never Meant to be a Hero", my most popular, completed, TNT Duo superhero fanfiction. You'd expect me to talk about my fics more often so if you want to see more of this let me know I guess? And feel free to ask me questions. I enjoy getting them.

So YWNMTBAH started as an urge, as most fics do. I was reading through a lot of TNT Duo fics while working on my first project, Arsonist's Waltz, and I encountered one or two TNT Duo Superhero AUs. Now, I had just come to DSMP directly after two years worth of being in the BNHA fandom. Which if you didn't know is a superhero based Shonen anime. I love superheroes. I always have and probably always will, despite not being able to grow up with too much traditional "superhero" media. So of course I was excited seeing superhero AUs in my favorite ship. I had seen it a lot in SBI stories but not TNT Duo yet. However: I couldn't find the kind of story I wanted to read. The stories I read honestly just...didn't hit the right buttons for me. I'm not saying any of them were bad, gods no. They just didn't have my favorite trope involved or the type of pairing I was looking for. I saw hero/hero, I saw hero/vigilante. I saw a lot of "good" pairings. But I also saw a lot of characters being dumb idiots and while I do love some fun identity shenanigans it gets dull after a while. I have a thing with dense protagonists and 'will they won't they'. I hate miscommunication and a lot of tropes that were being used at the time. There's more to "superhero" than just secret identities. There's a lot of creativity to be had. Creativity and ideas that I just...wasn't seeing. I wanted hero/villain. And I wanted fallen hero, my favorite trope. The antithesis of the redeemed villain. YWNMTBAH started as a oneshot idea. Because I knew how I was. I knew that if I didn't cap it as a oneshot I would spiral when I already had a massive project I was working on. But after giving it more thought...I realized that I really wanted to do more with this idea. I wanted to write a multichaptered superhero fic for my favorite pairing. Self indulgent? Yeah. I didn't expect many people to read it at the time. Little did I know. Which brings me to what I really wanted to talk about: The first chapter.

Anyone who's read YWNMTBAH knows that the first chapter is very unique. I showed you the future before showing you the events that lead up to it. (This is the part where you should abandon ship if you don't want spoilers for the fic btw, link will be down below). From day one I knew what I wanted for the fic. I knew what its themes were going to be. I know precisely what the endgame of the fic was going to be. And for any other authors out there? Here's the best advice I can give you: Know what you want out of the story. Know your ending before you even think of the rest. The job of a first chapter is to ALWAYS- 1: Establish your main characters. 2: Establish your plot. 3: Establish your story concepts. The first chapter is always going to be the hardest in my opinion because it's your first chapter that you, as the author, use to introduce your world to your readers. Think of it like your hook sentence in a professional essay. You need to draw your readers attention and get them to want to keep reading. I was impatient and wanted to write Wilbur's fall immediately. I wanted to write his break down as opposed to the build up. So...I wrote it first. And then realized: I could make it the first chapter. I could make it the first chapter...and then the next few chapters could be flashbacks. Showing the events that lead up to it. Not only was it a clever way to establish the world, the characters, and my plot and concepts, it was a good way to hook the readers' interest! The first chapter's objectives were to make it obvious what the fic was. It should've been a clear sign as to what the fic is. In the first chapter it's present from the start that Quackity is a manipulative bastard and that Wilbur, despite that, and despite knowing what Q is trying to do, he's still a hopeless fool in love. There is manipulation, but there is real love too. (And anyone who got mad over Quackity, the villain, who is tagged as a villain, manipulating Wilbur clearly didn't read the tags. Just because I gave him a sympathetic backstory and the fact that he does LOVE Wilbur doesn't change the fact that he manipulated him and would do it again. Quackity is written as a villain. Thinking he was anything other than a villain was a fool's decision. I could go on an entire separate rant over this aspect of my story). YWNMTBAH is a dark fic. It's been a dark fic from the very beginning. They are a villain and a hero. They are on opposite sides of the war. They are enemies, each other's nemesis. It was the perfect way to introduce people to my world. I knew from the beginning what I wanted for YWNMTBAH. I knew what I wanted it to be. "Fallen Hero" is the trope that refers to a hero who falls into villainy. It's the opposite of the redeemed villain, a trope that I feel is so overdone and overused. It was self indulgent, and I never expected it to blow up like it did. I didn't expect people to latch onto it despite everything. I knew it was different from other things I had seen, it was like that by design. I didn't want to emulate fics like Clinic (that I didn't know existed by the time I was writing it, otherwise I probably would've picked a different villain name for Wilbur other than Siren XD), I didn't want it to be the same hero/hero, hero/civilian, hero/vigilante pairs I had seen, and because of how common Wilbur was written as a villain in the fandom I wanted to write Quackity as the villain. In the same lane: In future superhero fics you'll be seeing Karl as a villain more often too. But by design I made YWNMTBAH to be different from what I was reading. I wanted it to be unique because I wanted it to be EXACTLY what I wanted to read. And apparently? A lot of people got behind that self indulgent idea of mine.

"You Were Never Meant to be a Hero" is my baby. It's my magnum opus. It has an entire multiverse surrounding it now with alternate timelines and AUs for this AU. It's helped me build an amazing community and I feel absolutely FLOORED with the beautiful artwork I've received for the fic over the years of it being uploaded.

So from one author to others: Write the things you want to see in the world. Be the change you want to see. I've seen a lot more hero/villain pairings since I posted YWNMTBAH and I couldn't be happier to see them. Write things inspired by other author's works. Just make sure to credit them and tell them about it. We love it when you guys do things like that. Enjoy creating what you want to create and don't worry about what other people might think of it. Because you should write for yourself, first and foremost. So what if someone would've enjoyed YWNMTBAH if Quackity got redeemed? That was never the intention of the story. That was never the point. So what if someone didn't like that Wilbur ended up with Q in the end because of how Q manipulated him at first? It's a dark fic, read the tags. Write for yourself. Write what you want to see. Inspire others to create. And if you see my fic and think you want to write a version of it in your vision? Fucking do it. I dare you >:) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37319827/chapters/93120913

[wrongcaitlyn]

So someone out there in the tyt/tgol universe must be writing at least some fanfiction right?? I don’t know what it would be about but probably a lot of the standard y/n and x reader fics mixed with some stuff about the lunchtable group. However, someone must be writing the pollen and piper x shell fics. And then there’s also Naomi x Apollo, Percabeth, and just the fact that it would be real person fiction for them also makes me so envious lmaoo 😭😭 But back to the point of my ask, are the characters reading it? Because I’d like to believe that they would, they may even write some themselves (cough cough Kayla cough cough) but I just don’t think some of them would be able to resist the urge to go on Ao3 like the rest of us. Like even if it was just pure curiosity and not for casual enjoyment. And then imagine their shipping culture and their tumblr and they (the fans) must be having so much fun knowing that a ship being canon means it’s like real life and oh my god THE MEET AND GREETS. I usually don’t care too much for celebrities and are fine with just appreciating their art but I’d actually feel previously unknown levels of excitement if I could meet legit anyone from the main cast of tyt. And like I’m totally yapping right now, but it reminds me of when my mom was like “yk I would’ve gotten you eras tour tickets if you told me about it sooner right?” And I was like “huh 😀” So yeah if I could get the equivalent but make it a Nico concert that mistake would’ve never made made on my watch. But this must be what the bts fanfiction authors kinda feel like except we’re all forced to watch from afar and the people in the actual universe get to have all the fun, and they get to have all of our celebrities too so they get extra but at least we get your fics so they’re at a significant loss too so ig that’s how we even the playing field.

ohh they definitely are. i don't know if there'd be much pollen fics, because they weren't very popular at the time- maybe more *now* after, like, pictures of them with kayla at archery competitions and stuff. shel/piper would be more like piper/reader or piper/oc, seeing as shel isn't publicly dating her, and people don't really know who she is- though i'm sure that some people would come up with oc's that are relatively close to herjkfsd

percabeth and naomi/apollo DEF have a few fics, and now i'm just thinking of someone writing an au where naomi lives and they get back together after many years... it wouldn't happen, ofc, but i think someone would definitely write it. there's a lot of au potential with them, at least from an outside perspective, if someone sees them as a right person wrong time sort of romance (it isn't, in my head, not in this au, but it could be seen that way)

solangelo and valdangelo are probably the most popular, just nico has,,, sort of, maybe nearly, surpassed jason and piper in fame at this point? maybe not jason, but seeing as piper took a step back over the recent years, he's definitely growing further. so jasico would prob also be popular, though i think the more... crazed fans would like the childhood friends to lovers trope more with will and leo! prob even some will/leo/nico with how codependent they all are LMAO

i think KAYLA would 100% read silly fics as a laugh, just so that she could quote them to her friends, bc she'd think it's hilarious. there may even be like one nico/kayla fic (which, ew) and she's just sitting there CACKLING over it bc nico's character couldn't be so wrong. neither could hers, for that matter.

other than that, i think i wrote before that shel has def written fanfic, and so has lou ellen, though i think lou ellen wrote more, like, fictional stories fanfic, not real people. and shel might've too- as a rule, i tend to stay away from writing real people into fanfics unless it's like, mentioning an actor/singer in passing

but you are literally SO REAL FOR THIS god i wish i could see a nico di angelo concert live. like fr all my problems would be solved it'd just be so nice. im srsly so jealous of the people in the tyt universe for just getting them as real life celebrities😭

[metanarrates]

yeahhh. like dont get me wrong. i love, for example, a good dog themed character. its a fun bit of symbolism. but like dogs can mean different things in different narratives! i mean there is, yeah, blind loyalty, but also association with rich nobility, or themes involving war, or profound loneliness all very easily come to mind. these can even all be present in the same work if the author is very clever about it!

but they require setting up! it functions exactly like motifs in music (hence, ofc, the shared term)! yes, there are default associations due to the general cultural consciousness of the time, which can make it more difficult (though not impossible) to associate it with certain other things (brass music being associated with large showy heroism thanks to racism+arguably superman for ex), but the motifs still have to be set up in the body of the work itself for it to be cohesive—you cant rely completely on the culture of the time, bc otherwise you risk the whole being unoriginal and eclectic

(also frankly the idea of searching these things out when looking for new stories is wild to me. why would anybody do that? it. it says nothing about the story? how would that indicate whether theyd like it? fanfic tropes are useful when looking for fic bc you (hopefully...) have context for those things by default, but doing a similar thing with og fiction... doesnt work. at all?)

you ask why anybody would do that but i have SEEN people on this website ask for recs relating to specific motifs they like sooo... yeah there are in fact people out there discussing them exactly like fanfiction tropes. lmao. i don't think the popular zeitgeist on this site has ever understood what "specificity" is, let alone the definition of literary terms

[bisexualdinahlance]

can you explain the Casey McQuiston thing a little further? I'm pretty brand new to the rwrb fandom and not familiar

There's been rumors for years in the RWRB fandom and outside of it that Casey McQuinston used to be on tumblr and was a fic writer for the Social Network/Social Network RPF fandom. Further, there was a lot of rumors that RWRB was SN RPF with the serial numbers filed off. The original tumblr account people say was Casey I'm pretty sure is either gone or dead now, and the fanfic author that people say they are took down their fics years ago. It's very possible that that person was Casey, but like without them fessing up there's no way to know for sure.

Someone on Youtube did a whole video essay deep dive into investigating the accounts, and even read the fic people claim RWRB is based on. The conclusion the video essayist came to was that she thought the author was Casey but that the fic was nothing like RWRB. (Which of course it wasn't lmao, the intro to the book literally talks about how they wrote it during and after the 2016 election - several years after the fics were deleted.) There's a good chance she's right, but while some of the reasoning is good, one of the reasons was literally that both authors "inserted their media opinions superfluously" into the story that broke their immersion because both authors made fun of "blonde women [the video essayist] liked" lol. So I take the conclusion with a grain of salt even if the investigation work was good.

Anyone who has read the book I'm sure can tell that Casey probably wrote fanfiction, but it's pretty clear to me that it's not lol. It just has tropes and dynamics that are popular in fandom spaces, as well as some specific turns of phrases. Which isn't a bad thing lol, RWRB is my guilty pleasure fave, I adore it even if it feels a bit lib in the current political climate.

I doubt that Casey ever saw the rumors - for a while it was mostly just snarky tumblr or reddit comments that brought it up to prove moral superiority over not liking the book. But it's still frustrating to me that like an author is essentially being haunted reputationally by fanfic they might or might not have written as a teenager/college student. Even the fanlore page for the book is completely overtaken by people speculating that it's a fanfiction. I would be PISSED if I got published, and everyone claimed my books were Harry Potter fanfiction because I used to be in the HP fandom in high school and college. And then spread around old fanfiction that I deleted off the internet because I got made fun of for how bad the smut was.

(Part of the "proof" that some people used as to the original fic being RWRB was it was deleted off of LJ but the fanlore page on the actual fic speculates it's because the author was getting bitchy messages about the quality of the smut in the fic.)

Anyway, sorry this wasn't super... coherent I have a lot of opinions on the subject. the TL;DR is that Casey might have been a BNF in the Social Network fandom, and because of that people speculated that they turned one of their SNRPF's into RWRB. It's pretty clear that they didn't do that, but these rumors have haunted the fandom for years because people keep spreading them like they're fact.

And I think authors should be allowed to keep their fandom separate from their professional work exactly because of shit like this lol.

[josiebelladonna]

alright. kinktober prep is officially underway it looks like. after getting a major head start a couple of months ago, my nerves are completely frayed, but the stories will all be written and they’ll all queued up. all the pigs are all lined up, i give you all that you want, take the skin and peel it back-

i’m making this post to preface the event.

by the way, if you’re not into this and don’t wanna see the posts, please blacklist the “kinktober″ and “kinktober 2024” tags, as well as my personalized tag “antarkinktober”—this goes double if you’re under 18: it’s not my job to police you so heed the “mature” labels on all the stories. 

what is kinktober? definition from fanlore: “Kinktober is a multifandom prompt based challenge that encourages the creation of erotic fanworks, mostly fanfiction and fan art, that focus on specific kinks. Taking place during the month of October.” 31 days of smut at its bare bones—although, contrary to popular belief, kink actually need not be sexual.

what prompts are you using? my own, as well as a list from oops-all-kink. i’ve been planning this quite literally since may.

what does X prompt mean? i would recommend going to fetlife or urban dictionary to learn about kinks that sound unfamiliar (especially when Google is basically useless at this point and they feel a need to sanitize results, too)—fanlore also has a full glossary of fanfic terms that, even i’ve never heard of.

how long will they be? at this point, they’re ranging anywhere from 2-6k words: i like to set a stage and tell a story. it’s just more titillating to me, and i always feel like i’m shortchanging myself if i go below a thousand words. i’m not doing it bc i’m horny lol; i do it because… it’s just how i roll. it’s one of the many things that isolate me from the rest of the pack 😒

who are you including? i want to leave that as a little surprise~

why don’t you like the “x reader” trope? short answer: it’s literally every fic in existence right now and literally no one does it right. long answer: that, and what i write is very personal, like i’m writing in my diary. if i bring “you” or “y/n” into it, it removes the heart from it and it ends up looking like nothing. i want to stand out, i guess. and more often than not, it begs the question, “why not just make an original character? you obviously went out of your way to make it applicable to a male reader or a nonbinary reader, why not just make a character?” (it’s a cop out at this point, is what i’m saying)

what time are one shots going to be posted? i have posts scheduled from 9pm and 9:30pm pacific time starting september 30th (the installments of paradise will be posted throughout the day on september 29th, alex’s birthday), so i’d say be on the look out (and maybe turn on my post notifications?). on ao3, i’ll be posting them on the day of the prompt, probably in the morning after my workout (around 8-ish).

isn’t this a bit too much smut? depending on who you ask. my first time was in 2022 and it didn’t feel like too much. i tried it last year and i pulled the plug halfway through because it stopped being fun such that i wanted to kill myself. this year, i’m trying to redeem myself and going all out. some people like doing only a few prompts, like a couple every week.

why are so nervous? i just am. i’m not exaggerating when i say last year was so excruciating that i wanted to slit my own throat. i’m not a sex-positive person (but i’m not sex-negative, though), and just thinking about being sex positive makes me feel somewhat sick to my stomach. i have no confidence… like not at all, and i feel as though everyone just wants to be a dumb, lazy idiot and an antisemite for the rest of their lives. i’m not sexy, and i’m not this confident, voluptuous vixen just eager to share her fantasies with all of you. in fact, i fully expect to get a repeat of last year where everyone gets called hot and sexy and “the one to be” and “the best writer”… except me. i fully expect my kinks to met with utter disgust. there’s a great deal of pride in what i do (i’m portuguese, we’re a proud people), even though it doesn’t seem that way. but if i’m met with apathy, it’s painful, and last year, i was met with reams of apathy. i can get down with a negative remark despite the unspoken rule that you must never say anything negative about a fic to the author; but if no one cares or calls it “fine” or “okay” or whatever, i have my hand on the cable.

if you have any other questions, you may (or not) have noticed that i quietly reopened my ask box. 

please be patient with me when it comes to answering asks, or even posting. this has been the most emotionally trying year for me in 7 years, and anxiety is a real thing with me. depression is a real thing with me. i am scarred by shame and a broken heart. i’m an artist, i have been taking shit day in day out for the last 11, and more so in the last four years. so, i am literally trying my best.

please try and enjoy what i have waiting in the wings. it really does feel like everyone hates me, and this feeling has pervaded since around this time in 2020.

[chipthekeeper]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

thanks for the tag @quarantineddreamer!!

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

blame my father tbh. when i was a wee lad upset with the ending of a book he told me "write a different one" and it stuck. i didn't actually do it but 15 years or so later i was suddenly filling in gaps

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

an oddly complicated question. officially, three i guess. star wars, top gun, and one i will not speak of. i have also written for wheel of time but have not finished nor posted. one day.....

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

if we ignore the first time (we will) just four-ish

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

definitely write. as discussed recently, i have this problem where i think my stuff is pure garbage when i read other people's work. or the opposite problem arises and my editor mind makes me mean

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

oh god uhhh......i've tried to get better at figurative language and description and just stuff that doesn't come naturally. idk. i don't think i've been all that successful at improving anything specifically but i know when i read old stuff i cringe more than when i read recent stuff, so something must have happened

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

i can never remember specifically anything weird, i just tend to have stacks of star wars books at hand to make sure i have "facts" correct. although for the top gun fic i was researching like. parts of airplanes? it always feels more weird to research real world things lmao

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

i live for 1. play by play of the lines you liked and what you thought about them 2. very long keysmash in caps lock

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

i'm not very fringey. non-toxic lesbians (by my interpretation) i suppose, that doesn't seem to be popular faskldfkasjkdj

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

same as B, smut. i feel like i almost got there lol but it's just.....idk i get very sweaty about it

10. What is the easiest type?

nothing anymore it seems! but my style leans to angst with a happy ending

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

in the shower. or anywhere really but the shower is where anything useful happens. and google docs unfortunately. though things tend to originate in notes app scribbles before getting there

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

kind of anything not ship-centered i think. i just sort of don't really trust myself with characters outside the two that i really focus in on for something. which is stupid but that's just how my brain works

13. What made you choose your username?

originally it was chippingthegoalkeeper, in honor of a world cup goal that changed my life. but since my blog moved away from soccer for the most part i've shortened it. i think the brand is strong though at this point

this was fun! i feel like i'm the last person to do this so no tags from me (unless you wanna do it in which i'll tag you in like it's wrestling)

[ironwoman359]

Soooo I was looking through my drafts because there's posts in there years old, and I found this old fanfiction question list that my dear friend @thuriweaver tagged me in two years ago and I thought what the heck, I'll fill that out tonight because I've been trying to work on writing more lately. So, without further ado...

1.How many works do you have on AO3?

95!

Though I've written more, there are things on @ironwhumper359 and @ironwoman359-writes that aren't fandom related and are only on tumblr, and there's probably some other things on my masterlist that aren't on AO3 either, maybe I ought to comb through it at some point and upload more!

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

333,493! And fun fact, I just counted that up manually from all 95 fics because I thought AO3 didn't display that stat, but it turns out I just wasn't logged in. The stat page says I actually has 335,438 words, so either I missed a fic or it includes the author's notes or summaries in that count.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

 If you look at the fandom list it has 10, but I think 5 is a more accurate count, which I'll explain in a sec. These are the fandoms on AO3:

Sanders Sides (Web Series) (87)

Super Mario & Related Fandoms (3)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (3)

Undertale (Video Game) (3)

Leverage (2)

Video Blogging RPF (2)

Who Killed Markiplier? (Web Series) (1)

In Space With Markiplier (Web Series) (1)

Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo (1)

Markiplier TV (Web Series) (1)

The thing is, the two fics in the "video blogging" fandom are markiplier ego fics and I'd lump those, Who Killed Markiplier, In Space With Markiplier, and Markiplier TV all as one fandom, and also, all the Super Mario fics and MCU fics are actually both Sanders Sides AUs, so those aren't really separate fandoms either.

A better list would be:

Sanders Sides

Markiplier

Undertale

Leverage

Six of Crows

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

So this was fascinating to look at! I'm going to list them in reverse order, for the Drama.

5: How to Catch a Fairy, posted on June 16th, 2020 with 2,918 hits and 515 kudos. This is a very short little oneshot, filling a prompt from a Bad Things Happen Bingo card, "Used as Bait." I really enjoyed writing this one, but I'm surprised it's beat out so many of my other, older fics. It has almost 100 more kudos than Our Own Villain, the (admittedly incomplete) fic that is my 6th biggest in kudos and kind of put me on the map in the TSS fandom. I guess people really like fae, feral protective love interests, and analogical.

4: Phase One, originally posted on September 11th, 2020, with 3,575 hits and 532 kudos. Now this is far less surprising, the Marvel AU is one of my most popular stories, with an entire sideblog dedicated to developing it, and it is by far the story I am most asked about continuing. The story is told partly through in universe S.H.I.E.L.D. documents and internal communications, questions on @ask-agent-sanders, and traditionally posted stories. Phase One is the AO3 name for the traditional story portion of the universe, each chapter being an entry in the story. The plan was, eventually, to create a fic called Phase Two for stories taking place post-Avengers (2012) content, but I haven't updated the fic in nearly 2 years.

3: A Part of the FamILY, originally posted on May 9th, 2018, with 5,326 hits and 696 kudos. According to the author's notes, I originally wrote the fic in February of 2018 to celebrate 1,000 tumblr followers, so it makes sense that it would have a lot of kudos. It also leans HEAVILY on a lot of tropes that the TSS fandom was really into at the time, and even has song lyrics in it with links to said songs on spotify. I stand by the quality of the actual story and writing on display here, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that those aspects make me cringe just a bit today 😅

2: A Fiendly Reunion, originally posted on July 7th, 2019, with 7,621 hits and 766 kudos. This story is one of my proudest achievements, both in the TSS fandom and as a writer in general. At 30,000+ words over 10 chapters, it is the longest single fic I've ever posted, and the only multichapter fic over 4 chapters that I've ever completed, outside a Big Bang challenge I did in 2018. It took over a year to write, and was a huge passion project for me. I'm really, really happy that it's at the number two spot, and that my readers loved it as much as I did. I'd honestly be surprised that it wasn't at the number one spot, if it weren't for what IS at the number one spot...

1: Broken Wings, originally posted on September 9th, 2018 with 7,747 hits and 1,159 kudos. This fic is the most popular thing I've ever posted on AO3, and it's tumblr cross-post has over 1,000 notes, which is a lot for a fanfiction on this site. Why? It's short, at just under two thousand words, it's angsty and it's fluffy, it has protective-and-self-sacrificing Virgil, protective light sides, vague and abusive dark sides (this was 2018, ok, the fandom was a very different place then), it has wings, and to top it all off it was actually based on fanart, this amazing workby @asofterfan who came up with all the wing designs and potential dynamics that the winged sides would have, I just took their vision and translated it to words. I kind of love that my most popular work is actually something that's collaborative in nature, I think it says something about the way fandom comes together as a community <3.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! I used to not as often because I felt awkward, and I'm not gonna lie, I still do sometimes, but these days I try to respond when possible, because I really, really appreciate comments! They're absolutely everything as a creative.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I'm not really into angsty endings, very rarely do I leave something unhappy on purpose. Sometimes I start out with something unhappy, only to later go and add more fic to give it a happier ending. I'm Left in the Dark originally was a short prompt fill, chapter 1, but then I went back and wrote chapters 2 and 3 to resolve the plot.

All that to say, I think the angstiest ending out there is actually the ending of an instant of great white gravity, which is the first installment in a series I hope to write more for that I'm calling Before and After, though I haven't made it a series on AO3 yet. By it's very nature of being a prequel to the events of Who Killed Markiplier, the whole thing has big 'doomed by the narrative' energy, and even though not every fic will necessarily have a melancholy tone, great white gravity does, because it's about Will being too late to ask Celine out and having to live with watching her marry Mark instead, and about Damien watching the friend group he used to be able to count on be irrecoverably changed by this tension. Goooood angst, right there!

7. Do you ever write crossovers?

I do! Or, I've written one, at least. The Marvel AU isn't a recasting like most of my other AUs based on existing stories, the Marvel characters also exist and are in the story.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don't believe so, no! I've been very fortunate in that regard, the little hate I have received over the years has all been in my askbox directly, never in the comments of a fic that I can recall.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope! Sex-repulsed asexual over here, but y'all have fun in your corner of the internet!

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge/recollection, no, but I do know that someone reposted one of my fics on Wattpad once. They credited me as the author though, so I didn't ask them to take it down, but in general, I don't like it when people do that.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Until the Sun Rises, a walking dead style zombie AU, is a collab with @buzz-by-bee, aka @a-valourous-choice, author of the To Build a Home series! We haven't updated it in a long time (oops) but it has a sideblog over on @until-the-sun-rises that has some pretty sweet fanart as well as all the content if you're interested!

You Don't Own Me (You Don't Even Know Me) also started out as a collab with @5-falsehoods-phonated, aka RoseyWinter on AO3, but he has since left the project and left me to finish our plan on my own (which I keep saying that I'll do and then not doing, whoops).

Also, I swear I've written a fic with @theinvisiblespoon, but maybe I'm just thinking of the hours we used to spend rp-ing and all the times we've talked about writing a more structured story together and then just never doing it (have you spotted the theme yet?)

12. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh gosh, that's so hard. Even back when I only wrote for One fandom I was a multishipper, and now I'm shipping in other fandoms? Too many good choices, how dare you make me choose. If I have to limit it to 5 all time favorites though... Analogical, Moxiety, LAMP, Kanej, and the Leverage OT3.

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Undertale! if you go waaay back on my AO3...or, you know, just click on the Undertale fandom link there, you can see the few works that I put out: a series of prompts for Cheer Up the Skeleton Week, an event focusing on depicting Sans as Happy for once, an OC self insert story that I quickly abandoned after a few chapters, and Your Fault, a piece about the multiverse breaking down that I'm still actually pretty proud of, all things considered.

14. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Oof, that may be the hardest yet. A Fiendly Reunion, because I actually finished it? A Sanders Carol, because it was my first ever Big Bang, and my first ever completed multi-chapter fic? The Secret History of the Invincible II, because it's new and exciting? They're Only Children because I have so many ideas for it? I honestly couldn't tell you. I love all of them, they're all very dear to me.

15. BONUS QUESTION: Do you have a WIP that haunts you?

Dude, all of them. If I've filtered things correctly on AO3, then of the 24 works in progress that I've started, only 9 are actually complete. That's 15 unfinished stories floating around in my mind, and I know it's actually at least 17, because there are two that show up as completed because I'm doing multiple single works in a series instead of chapters in a single work, so they look complete right now but I know that they're not, plus there's a few that never have been posted to begin with. SO many unfinished stories.

But the one that haunts me the most has to be Our Own Villain, because it is quite possibly my oldest wip, over 5 years old at this point, and it's still not finished but I want it to be so badly. Other wips I've kind of made peace with potentially not continuing, but I swear to god, OOV has to finish before I die, even if Sanders Sides as a show has changed so much since January of 2018 when I first had the idea that the whole premise is now fundamentally flawed, I just have to finish. It's my fanfiction white whale.

---

This was fun! If you've never read any of my work before (tho let's be real, if you made it this far you probably have), I do have a masterlist pinned right at the top of this blog that you can check out. Most of this post was sanders sides because it's what I've written the most of, but I'm actually focusing more on some in space with markiplier and six of crows stuff fic wise, as well as my own original writing. Thanks for reading, I'm not going to tag anyone specific since this challenge is so old. Any writer who sees this and wants to do it, go for it!

[jackinalex]

Okay. Flawed characters. Stereotypes - the 'manly' man and the 'feminized' man (bc women can never win). You claim to hate capitalism, but you have an amount of it in every story ever to make it more attractive. You write things that have been written a thousand times before. Yes. You share your work with us and so we have a right to criticize and discuss it. You write for free, but that's your choice. We don't force you. And I'm not the only one feeling this way about your latest writings.

I'm only responding to this so it doesn't seem like I'm ignoring critiques.

As I said earlier, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and feelings about works, but I am a little confused by you being put off by flawed characters? Nobody wants to read about someone perfect. I guess it's fair to say that the guys (namely Alex) are feminized in my stories, but I'll be honest, it's hard not to feminize male characters when writing from a female perspective. I'm not a man and I've never had many masculine traits in general. As a writer, this is one of my weakest points. I'll give you that. I have been getting that critique since before I even went to college and I've been working on it ever since, but again, it's a difficult thing to work through.

Also, the capitalism comment? I live in America, in late-stage capitalism, and several of my stories have included critiques of capitalism (see: You Were Mine and Stay Together for the Kids, in particular). If you're referring to the guys being wealthy or being around wealth in other stories, well...I'm just being truthful. That's their reality and if I'm not writing something that's au, then they're gonna be well-off. Sorry, I guess.

Finally, as I learned in one of my graduate school classes, the fact of the matter is that everything has already been done when it comes to practically every facet of art. Everything is an extension of something else. Wicked, the very famous and popular novel and musical, are work spun off from The Wizard of Oz. The fairy tales we grew up with were first folk tales. Hell, fanfiction in general exists because something else existed before it. As fic writers, we live in trope-land because that's what we (and most of our readers) are interested in -- seeing our characters in situations they haven't been in before (or fixing things that should have or shouldn't have happened). Obviously, you can find a similar fic to all of mine in nearly any other fandom.

I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel with my stuff. I want to have fun, writing something that I myself would like to read, putting a spin on tropes I've read countless times before, and weighing in on how I believe Jalex might be in those situations. Again, I respect your opinions and am more than happy to hear criticism, but I also just think that it wasn't necessary to ever say that my writing was meh. It's a hobby, not a living, and my readers are not my bosses. If you don't like how my writing has evolved, I completely understand and respect that belief! But it's not serving anyone involved to say something without offering suggestions.

[fizzingwizard]

So he's a fan fiction writer, but he published the book as an original work? Am I missing something here? It sounds like he tried to force Simon Tolkien to read his Lord of the Rings fanfiction, turned it into "original" fiction when he refused, published it, and then accused Rings of Power of plagiarizing... him?? It was LotR to begin with, then made into original work, but still recognizable enough as LotR for RoP to be able to dip into it... huh??

With EL James, anyone who knows Twilight fanfiction can easily believe 50 Shades began as one. But anyone who only knows Twilight and has never read fanfiction I doubt would ever notice. Because, like with a lot of fanfiction, accurately portraying the characters is sacrificed in the name of "what I find cool and sexy" - which is particularly common in AUs where fanfiction writers don't have the benefit of setting and canonical history to buoy their shallow characterization. I'm sure Edward and Bella were easy to work into Christian and Anastasia because they were hardly Edward and Bella to begin with.

What I mean is, it's much easier for me to believe EL James with her creepy bdsm Twilight AU could get away with repurposing it as original fiction, than this guy who seems to have just written Lord of the Rings lore. Obviously I haven't read it. Maybe the specific things he thinks Amazon copied from him are unique and original enough to raise suspicion. And I know that a lot of fantasy elements in LotR are just genre tropes these days that everyone uses. I just find it doubtful, given that he copyrighted it preemptively, and then went to lengths, through attorneys and by going to see Simon Tolkien himself, to force his manuscript on them. It's weird. The article says he wanted a "collaboration" with the Tolkien estate, so isn't that as good as admitting what he'd written was Lord of the Rings?? Very difficult figuring out what his basis for his argument is...

I'm super pro fan creation. The fact of the matter is art and toy making companies only ever come out with generic products they think has mass appeal, but fan created products immortalize your favorite scenes, your favorite jokes and memes. They're personal and they're fun. And I'd rather read free fanfiction written by a 15-year-old than those ghost written novelizations that plague every popular series. Most of those are, again, generic as hell, but that 15-year-old doesn't give a shit about convention. Their writing might be not great but at least it won't be boring!

But when people go out and complicate things this way it makes us all look bad. Like we're money-grubbers seeking to piggyback off the success of someone else. The article is somewhat compassionate towards this guy, but I'm finding that difficult. Defending Amazon is dead last on my to-do list, but... no one asked him for a collab and he tried to force it anyway. I'm having difficulty seeing him as anything but an opportunist. He probably truly loves Lord of the Rings and maybe got lost in a daze, mistaking his love as some kind of claim on it. Once you involve money, though, it's hard to feel the love anymore.

Althouh it will be really, really funny if it turns out that Amazon did plagiarize his book. Because Lord of the Rings does not lack lore. The whole canon is an endless treasure trove. Imagine ignoring all that "extra" stuff Tolkien himself wrote in favor of some dude's fanfiction.

Hello Mr Gaiman, I just read a reblog you put regarding sending fanfiction/ideas to the universe's authors (like sending you Good Omens fanfiction for example) and I have a question, it's probably a dumb question with an obvious answer but if I don't ask it won't go away.

So if you ever read the good omens fanfiction I'm writing you wouldn't be able to put whatever I put there but what if I explicitly stated (like in the summary) that it could be used? Would it still create legal problems? Like with payment and stuff?

I'm not going to read your fan fiction so I will never know if you gave me permission.

And if you're wondering why I have a blanket rule not to, I'd point you to this article. On something that's happening right now.

[keysmashery]

.

[qqueenofhades]

Hi. I’m curious. What did you mean by “women who read fiction might get Bad Ideas!!!” has just reached its latest and stupidest form via tumblr purity culture.? I haven’t seen any of this but I’m new to tumblr.

Oh man. You really want to get me into trouble on, like, my first day back, don’t you?

Pretty much all of this has been explained elsewhere by people much smarter than me, so this isn’t necessarily going to say anything new, but I’ll do my best to synthesize and summarize it. As ever, it comes with the caveat that it is my personal interpretation, and is not intended as the be-all, end-all. You’ll definitely run across it if you spend any time on Tumblr (or social media in general, including Twitter, and any other fandom-related spaces). This will get long.

In short: in the nineteenth century, when Gothic/romantic literature became popular and women were increasingly able to read these kinds of novels for fun, there was an attendant moral panic over whether they, with their weak female brains, would be able to distinguish fiction from reality, and that they might start making immoral or inappropriate choices in their real life as a result. Obviously, there was a huge sexist and misogynistic component to this, and it would be nice to write it off entirely as just hysterical Victorian pearl-clutching, but that feeds into the “lol people in the past were all much stupider than we are today” kind of historical fallacy that I often and vigorously shut down. (Honestly, I’m not sure how anyone can ever write the “omg medieval people believed such weird things about medicine!” nonsense again after what we’ve gone through with COVID, but that is a whole other rant.) The thinking ran that women shouldn’t read novels for fear of corrupting their impressionable brains, or if they had to read novels at all, they should only be the Right Ones: i.e., those that came with a side of heavy-handed and explicit moralizing so that they wouldn’t be tempted to transgress. Of course, books trying to hammer their readers over the head with their Moral Point aren’t often much fun to read, and that’s not the point of fiction anyway. Or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Fast-forward to today, and the entire generation of young, otherwise well-meaning people who have come to believe that being a moral person involves only consuming the “right” kind of fictional content, and being outrageously mean to strangers on the internet who do not agree with that choice. There are a lot of factors contributing to this. First, the advent of social media and being subject to the judgment of people across the world at all times has made it imperative that you demonstrate the “right” opinions to fit in with your peer-group, and on fandom websites, that often falls into a twisted, hyper-critical, so-called “progressivism” that diligently knows all the social justice buzzwords, but has trouble applying them in nuance, context, and complicated real life. To some extent, this obviously is not a bad thing. People need to be critical of the media they engage with, to know what narratives the creator(s) are promoting, the tropes they are using, the conclusions that they are supporting, and to be able to recognize and push back against genuinely harmful content when it is produced – and this distinction is critical – by professional mainstream creators. Amateur, individual fan content is another kettle of fish. There is a difference between critiquing a professional creator (though social media has also made it incredibly easy to atrociously abuse them) and attacking your fellow fan and peer, who is on the exact same footing as you as a consumer of that content.

Obviously, again, this doesn’t mean that you can’t call out people who are engaging in actually toxic or abusive behavior, fans or otherwise. But certain segments of Tumblr culture have drained both those words (along with “gaslighting”) of almost all critical meaning, until they’re applied indiscriminately to “any fictional content that I don’t like, don’t agree with, or which doesn’t seem to model healthy behavior in real life” and “anyone who likes or engages with this content.” Somewhere along the line, a reactionary mindset has been formed in which the only fictional narratives or relationships are those which would be “acceptable” in real life, to which I say…. what? If I only wanted real life, I would watch the news and only read non-fiction. Once again, the underlying fear, even if it’s framed in different terms, is that the people (often women) enjoying this content can’t be trusted to tell the difference between fiction and reality, and if they like “problematic” fictional content, they will proceed to seek it out in their real life and personal relationships. And this is just… not true.

As I said above, critical media studies and thoughtful consumption of entertainment are both great things! There have been some great metas written on, say, the Marvel Cinematic Universe and how it is increasingly relying on villains who have outwardly admirable motives (see: the Flag Smashers in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier) who are then stigmatized by their anti-social, violent behavior and attacks on innocent people, which is bad even as the heroes also rely on violence to achieve their ends. This is a clever way to acknowledge social anxieties – to say that people who identify with the Flag Smashers are right, to an extent, but then the instant they cross the line into violence, they’re upsetting the status quo and need to be put down by the heroes. I watched TFATWS and obviously enjoyed it. I have gone on a Marvel re-watching binge recently as well. I like the MCU! I like the characters and the madcap sci-fi adventures! But I can also recognize it as a flawed piece of media that I don’t have to accept whole-cloth, and to be able to criticize some of the ancillary messages that come with it. It doesn’t have to be black and white.

When it comes to shipping, moreover, the toxic culture of “my ship is better than your ship because it’s Better in Real Life” ™ is both well-known and in my opinion, exhausting and pointless. As also noted, the whole point of fiction is that it allows us to create and experience realities that we don’t always want in real life. I certainly enjoy plenty of things in fiction that I would definitely not want in reality: apocalyptic space operas, violent adventures, and yes, garbage men. A large number of my ships over the years have been labeled “unhealthy” for one reason or another, presumably because they don’t adhere to the stereotype of the coffee-shop AU where there’s no tension and nobody ever makes mistakes or is allowed to have serious flaws. And I’m not even bagging on coffee-shop AUs! Some people want to remove characters from a violent situation and give them that fluff and release from the nonstop trauma that TV writers merrily inflict on them without ever thinking about the consequences. Fanfiction often focuses on the psychology and healing of characters who have been through too much, and since that’s something we can all relate to right now, it’s a very powerful exercise. As a transformative and interpretive tool, fanfic is pretty awesome.

The problem, again, comes when people think that fic/fandom can only be used in this way, and that going the other direction, and exploring darker or complicated or messy dynamics and relationships, is morally bad. As has been said before: shipping is not activism. You don’t get brownie points for only having “healthy” ships (and just my personal opinion as a queer person, these often tend to be heterosexual white ships engaging in notably heteronormative behavior) and only supporting behavior in fiction that you think is acceptable in real life. As we’ve said, there is a systematic problem in identifying what that is. Ironically, for people worried about Women Getting Ideas by confusing fiction and reality, they’re doing the same thing, and treating fiction like reality. Fiction is fiction. Nobody actually dies. Nobody actually gets hurt. These people are not real. We need to normalize the idea of characters as figments of a creator’s imagination, not actual people with their own agency. They exist as they are written, and by the choice of people whose motives can be scrutinized and questioned, but they themselves are not real. Nor do characters reflect the author’s personal views. Period.

This feeds into the fact that the internet, and fandom culture, is not intended as a “safe space” in the sense that no questionable or triggering content can ever be posted. Archive of Our Own, with its reams of scrupulous tagging and requests for you to explicitly click and confirm that you are of age to see M or E-rated content, is a constant target of the purity cultists for hosting fictional material that they see as “immoral.” But it repeatedly, unmistakably, directly asks you for your consent to see this material, and if you then act unfairly victimized, well… that’s on you. You agreed to look at this, and there are very few cases where you didn’t know what it entailed. Fandom involves adults creating contents for adults, and while teenagers and younger people can and do participate, they need to understand this fact, rather than expecting everything to be a PG Disney movie.

When I do write my “dark” ships with garbage men, moreover, they always involve a lot of the man being an idiot, being bluntly called out for an idiot, and learning healthier patterns of behavior, which is one of the fundamental patterns of romance novels. But they also involve an element of the woman realizing that societal standards are, in fact, bullshit, and she can go feral every so often, as a treat. But even if I wrote them another way, that would still be okay! There are plenty of ships and dynamics that I don’t care for and don’t express in my fic and fandom writing, but that doesn’t mean I seek out the people who do like them and reprimand them for it. I know plenty of people who use fiction, including dark fiction, in a cathartic way to process real-life trauma, and that’s exactly the role – one of them, at least – that fiction needs to be able to fulfill. It would be terribly boring and limited if we were only ever allowed to write about Real Life and nothing else. It needs to be complicated, dark, escapist, unreal, twisted, and whatever else. This means absolutely zilch about what the consumers of this fiction believe, act, or do in their real lives.

Once more, I do note the misogyny underlying this. Nobody, after all, seems to care what kind of books or fictional narratives men read, and there’s no reflection on whether this is teaching them unhealthy patterns of behavior, or whether it predicts how they’ll act in real life. (There was some of that with the “do video games cause mass shootings?”, but it was a straw man to distract from the actual issues of toxic masculinity and gun culture.) Certain kinds of fiction, especially historical fiction, romance novels, and fanfic, are intensely gendered and viewed as being “women’s fiction” and therefore hyper-criticized, while nobody’s asking if all the macho-man potboiler military-intrigue tough-guy stereotypical “men’s fiction” is teaching them bad things. So the panic about whether your average woman on the internet is reading dark fanfic with an Unhealthy Ship (zomgz) is, in my opinion, misguided at best, and actively destructive at worst.

[capriciousvisage]

I am the same way exactly! I'm not aspec whatsoever (though possibly aromantic?), but I think I am more so interested in "fun dynamics" than any sort of fanon validation. NeuviFuri (which is the tag I found this post in) is pretty much the only "big" ship I have liked in a long time and could actually stomach the majority of fanart for.

I do not read fanfiction usually (despite being a writer myself), solely because I do not want to risk weird characterizations or boring tropes the characters have been shoved into. Some of the other ships you've mentioned I actively avoid and hate because of fanon specifically (the other ships I'm just "meh" on and don't actively seek nor actively block those ones). Other honorable mentions for me include Kaeya/Albedo and Thoma/Ayato. I used to really, really love the former, found out a majority of fanon was incredibly off-kilter and OOC to the point they weren't even reading as the same characters to me, and now, more often than not, I can't stand the ship.

I also hate (for mlm pairings) the need to search two tags for "dynamics" when topping or bottoming, especially in SFW settings where they're doing neither of those things! I once stumbled upon a xiaother zine discourse where someone was trying to illustrate how whoever tops will affect a SFW scenario and it was genuinely the stupidest thing I'd ever read!

But I truly think my problem with most "big name" ships is how they've just been explored to death. You touched upon this already. Outside of Genshin, I'm in fandoms like Touken Ranbu, where there's very little "canon" interaction (even if you're counting things like the stage plays, musicals, and anime, and not just the original game) so one has to learn to extrapolate how characters would interact from either no interactions whatsoever or very little. As it stands, Touken Ranbu is one of the only fandoms I actually still enjoy talking to others in, which may or may not be related...

I have always said I'm contrarian for disliking "big" ships based solely on the fact they're highly popular. But it's true, and I'm not doing it just to be contrarian. Rarer pairings, even some where I'm the only one in the tag on AO3 (this is especially the case in Touken Ranbu), generally hold more appeal to me. In recent years, I've also pivoted to focusing more on Gen work (for instance, I really love imagining a friendship between Diluc and Klee, and Kaeya and Diona, but these are just two examples) because there's no pre-existing notion from "fanon law" about dynamics or whatever because it's just Gen.

I think another side of the coin is that many shippers of "big" ships refuse to see the characters outside of the context of the ship. They either only care for the ship or only care for one half of the ship. A very notable example in my experience is xiaoven. I have honestly never seen a Venti-first Xiaoven fan, which is already pretty concerning; the majority only care about Xiao and/or the both of them only when they're being shipped. (In my opinion, this ship is also one of the worst to be flanderized! I could fully see the appeal of the dynamic but no one explores the actual dynamic they could have!)

I often think about this post (which is no longer rebloggable). Namely: "it's a one size fits all of generic, pre-made tropes that will be forced into each and every piece of media that gets even a bit of attention, even when these tropes and scenarios don't fit the personality of the characters or are in any way related to the original story they are supposedly drawing from." I see so many people doing this! And I'm sitting here thinking, "You may be having fun, but if you're debasing the characters to such an extent they don't resemble the original whatsoever, then I think you may have even more fun writing with Original Characters!" And I think this is what happens with a majority of "big" ships, if not all (I have even seen it with neuvifuri plenty already, but thankfully I just love them too much to care).

Anyway, this has gone on long enough; apologies if it seems like I've highjacked the post! But I do agree with everything you've said. When you said you were interested in "the puzzle of figuring out what differing circumstances could potentially cause two characters who have seemingly nothing in common to become eachothers everything" I felt that deep in my bones.

yknow i say im a huge multishipper but i wouldnt actually consider myself much of a shipper at all. just open to the idea of trying everything once. the term has typically romantic connotations and follows the assumption that i think, and want, these characters to be good for eachother.

I'm, personally, less interested in the prexisting chemistry than i am in the puzzle of figuring out what differing circumstances could potentially cause two characters who have seemingly nothing in common to become eachothers everything.

This could explain my favorism towards rarepairs and more convoluted dynamics, and my aversion to popular, fluffy pairings that have already been explored a thousand times over, there's no work for me to do there.

Not to mention that when a ship becomes too popular it starts cannibalising itself, and lots of good, interesting characterisations are lost in the sea of people bending characters into pre-orchestrated, saccharine dynamics. alot of which are usually downright fetishy in nature, particularly in mlm pairings.

I mean i would say being able to get ooc and self indulgent is downright mandatory for making a good fic, but there's only so many times i have to read a fic about a big, overprotective, manly-man top who does all the work and the shy, small, swoony, softhearted femme-wifey-bottom before it starts to just be lazy.

I actively have to go out of my way to search 'switch' tags if i want true-to-the-character, mutual emotional reciprocation. which i really, really shouldn't have to do as an ace person who actively skips through nsfw.

And it's not that popular wlw pairings aren't guilty of these problems aswell, but those tend to lean more into the 'soft lesbians who can do no wrong' stereotype, which always completely (butch)ers all nuisance that makes the ship worth shipping in the first place.

As well as that's if they're even the focus of the story at all and aren't just shoved to the side by the main mlm couple. mlw pairings can be culpable of both these things, with the added risk that you find out the author made a twitter post with the characters in front of the 'super straight' flag.

Though i also wonder if me being aspec plays any part as again; im not as interested in the romantic aspects as i am in the possible hurdles they may face throughout the potential relationship.

Anyone else feel like this?

[bamf-jaskier]

Hello ! So i know you've talked about racism in the witcher fandom before and i have a question. When reading fics i am struck by the fact that very little fics portray Triss as a woman of color, as she appears in the show and an overwhelming amount portray her as a red head. So my question is this: is it racism or just a general dislike of the show and another sign that fans seem to think that the witcher 3 is the best ?

It’s racism. I am not going to sugarcoat it or say it’s because fans just “prefer” game Triss. They prefer her because of their implicit bias. There is a post about choosing to right in the Netflix Verse but keep Game Triss Here. If there is a fic that is set in the Netflix Verse and uses Jaskier instead of Dandelion, describes Geralt with no beard and as, well, Henry Cavill, and even sometimes, if you are lucky, uses Anya Chalotra as Yennefer but then uses Game Triss? That is making the specific choice to exclude a black character which if most of the fic is set in the Netflix verse, that is a very specific choice rooted in racism, whether on accident or on purpose.

While the game was popular, the fandom didn’t rise-up or become mainstream on Tumblr until the tv show came out. If you want evidence of that, just go look at Tumblr’s 2020 review. They had an entire section for The Witcher, it was #13 on the top 20 things tagged on Tumblr in 2020, Geraskier was the 4th most popular ship out of 100 (Yenralt didn’t even make the list), Jaskier was the 3rd most popular character, Geralt was the 5th, Yennefer was the 24th (yeah there’s a problem here too). 

And if you want even MORE evidence of this, here’s tumblr’s year in review for 2019 JUST for video games, not even overall things or fandom. The Witcher isn’t even in the top 50. It also wasn’t on Tumblr year in review in 2018, 2017, or 2016. Before 2020, The Witcher never made it into these lists, the tv show made the fandom we see now. 

As well let’s look at some of the fanfiction stats from AO3. 11,805 out of 21,208, aka 56% of Witcher fanfiction is explicitly tagged as the Netflix series. However, I know that many fans like to just use The Witcher - All Media Types tag and not the show one (I know I use that) so let’s look at timeline as well. 18,900 out of 21,208, aka 89% of ALL Witcher fanfiction was written after the show was released. Even if you have tried your gosh-darn best to avoid it, the trope and fandom from the Netflix series have seeped into most people’s perception of The Witcher. So again, re-stating my point, using all the Netflix characters in fanfiction BUT Triss, is anti-blackness, plain and simple. 

And a lot of fans online have used the excuse, they aren’t racist, they just don’t think she looks like the character. They say things like “it’s the same thing people said when Daniel Craig was cast as James Bond”...but it’s not. When you say a Black woman doesn’t “look right” for a role you are saying black people have no place in your story. Re-evaluate yourself when you makes those comments and think about the company you are keeping. Because you are keeping company with literal racists who use the same phrases and have the same opinions as you. 

A post about some of the backlash actor’s faced here: 

Here’s an article about the harassment 

Now a Reddit thread about Triss would look better with straight hair

More Reddit 

But “Oh” you say, that’s just specific to Reddit, Tumblr would NEVER be racist. 

Well here’s a fun collection of posts!

An Artist who draws Racist Caricatures of Triss 

A post about how people refuse to talk about fandom racism

How fandom racism isn’t just fiction vs reality

A post about shipping trends being racist (and people harassing OP in the chat)

blank-slate characters and the racial bias they deal with

Specifically a post about Yenralt and Racism (think about those Tumblr ranking while reading this...)

Another post about people refusing to talk about fandom racism

I just gave a few examples but look through the blogs of anyone whose been talking about fandom racism and you will see so many posts and examples. 

The Witcher fandom has a racism problem. It’s not just Yennefer or shipping Yenralt. It extends to how the fandom treats Netflix Triss as I have talked about here, it extends to how there’s practically no content or more specifically, engagement for characters of color. It’s about how the fandom keeps pushing POC out to the point where people I love are leaving the fandom because they aren’t welcome here. 

If you aren’t willing to listen to POC when they tell you something is racist, when they tell you something is wrong. Fuck off. 

I encourage everyone if they haven’t to read the article Who Actually Gets to “Escape” Into Fandom?

[kimium]

A few weeks ago I reblogged a list of questions around Death Note and thought "well if no one asks that's a shame but it's fine". I then remembered (then = now) that this is my blog. I can talk about what I want without prompting.

So, here I go. Rest is under the cut.

1. Do you prefer the anime or manga?

I think both versions of the series are beautiful but I have to give it to the manga. Fun fact, I read the manga in high school, just around the time the anime aired. I then proceed to not watch the anime until... about three months ago.

2. Who is your favourite character?

I'm very basic— my favourite character is L. (Runner up goes to Naomi Misora mostly due to the LABB murder cases.)

(As a side note, now that I'm older I actually really like Near and Mello. I think both are fun and got a lot more flack from the fandom than they deserved.)

3. Who is your least favourite character?

Probably Teru Mikami. I think it's because he's the character trope "I was picked on in school and now that I received one (1) bit of power I'm now acting exactly like the bullies I hated". Hypocrisy is very annoying.

4. Who were you rooting for? (Team Kira or Team L?)

Initially, when I read the manga I was cheering for both parties. I liked how Light had a supernatural edge and I liked that despite the odds, L was figuring everything out. But now? I'm 100% Team L.

5. Who is your favourite shinigami?

While I like both (I'm not including Sidoh), I think I have to give it to Ryuk. I love that he's chaotic and has always been in it for himself.

6. Which is your favourite arc?

Again, I'm basic— I like the Yotsuba arc. Mostly because it's "look at what L and Light could have been if not for the Death Note". It's bitter sweet because we know this won't last. (Also like it because it's a popular spot to divert canon in fanfiction.)

7. What character deserved better?

MISA. She deserved so much more! There was so much wasted potential with her! For example, she could have snapped out of her infatuation with Light and realized he's only using her. She could have been a threat to him! Also, wasted opportunity to have her get together with Rem (or Kiyomi Takada, which is a fascinating ship).

(Shout out to Matt as well. Boy deserved more development.)

8. Which of the openings is your favourite?

Controversial answer: Neither. I dislike both openings.

9. What is your favourite song from the OST?

Any of the ominous choir chanting tracks. Those popped off harder than required. I love it.

10. What is your favourite song from the musical?

There...is a musical?

11. Who is your favourite ship?

I like the most popular (and again basic) ship of the series: LawLight. Some of my other favourite ships:

-Misa/Rem

-Near/Mello/Matt (My eyes have been open to this OT3. Thank you, AO3.)

-Beyond Birthday/Naomi Misora (my girl deserved better than Raye Pember and yes, a serial killer with identity issues is better.)

-I've also seen Beyond/Light/L as an OT3 and that's Fascinating on so many levels.

12. When did you first get into Death Note?

I was in grade 9 or 10. I read the manga.

13. Do you own any merch? If you do, what's your favourite thing you have?

I own a Death Note. I also own the light novels (LABB murder cases and L Change the World). At one point I also owned the live action dramas but I'm not sure where those are. My favourite is the LABB murder cases. I really enjoyed that light novel.

14. What is your favourite piece of trivia?

Originally, Near and Mello's names were supposed to be swapped. There was an error in editing/printing and they mixed up the names.

15. What is your favourite line from the anime?

To this day, even if I hadn't fallen back into the series, the line "L, do you know Shinigami like apples?" has lived rent free in my brain. Upon getting back into the series, I really love the overlapping lines from Light and L when they say "I am... Justice." It's corny, yes, but also shows both of them are strong in their convictions and believes. I love parallels between opposing characters.

16. Have you read LABB?

Yes, I have! I really love it. I think if Death Note ever did an anniversary anime celebration they should animate the light novel. Or animate the one-shot.

17. If you've consumed any of the side media (novels, musical, TV drama, etc.), which is your favourite?

Besides the LABB light novel, I love the drama. I love how it ended with L exposing Light. It's a fun "what if the series went this way" ending.

18. What song reminds you of Death Note? (Either a specific character or the story as a whole.)

Many, many, many years ago a friend showed me an AMV for Death Note to the song "Chop Suey!" by System of a Down. To this day it still makes me think of Death Note.

[the-void-i-scream-into]

White Tulips - a JunJin fanfic 1/3

Full Story: Part 2, Part 3

Hello everyone! I hope everyone who is reading this is healthy and safe. This is a fanfic about my favorite characters, Kang Sujin and Han Seojun. I really love these two together so I wrote what I had hoped to see in True Beauty. This is my first time writing fanfiction so its not that good. But I hope you still enjoy it. I didn’t change anything from True Beauty, rather continued the events from the ending with a focus on giving Sujin the redemption arc she so rightly deserved. 

I really have to thank everyone on the shooters gc, especially @prodmina, for being so amazing and awesome. Never before have I come accross such amazing, wonderful, open and friendly group of people. I’m not that active on the chat, but I am so grateful it exists. Thank you to everyone on there. This is dedicated to you all.

Pairing: Kang Sujin x Han Seojun

Romantic Trope: Haters to friends to lovers

Word Count: 5.9k

Rating: T

PART 1

i.

If you asked Han Seojun why he loved Lim Jukyung, he wouldn’t be able to answer. His feelings for her overwhelmed him to the point of inarticulation. His heart still skipped a beat every time he saw her at dinner with their group. He still found himself staring at her from time to time, unable to look away from her beauty. He even wrote songs about her, his only form of expressing his love for her.

He still thought of her in every free minute he had between practice, performance and recording sessions. When he couldn’t see her, he would watch her make-up tutorials online. He was proud of how far she had come with her career as a make-up artist. Her popularity was a source of delight for him. It was only appropriate that everyone see how amazing she was.

The only problem was, Lim Jukyung didn’t belong to him. She belonged to Lee Suho, his best friend.

Seojun was happy for the two of them. They were the best people he knew and even he had to acknowledge that they belonged together. Which was why, having these feelings were burdensome for Seojun.

It was burdensome, seeing them all lovey-dovey with each other and talking about their lives together. Normally Seojun would have faked a smile, but when they were all together in a group he scowled without reserve. He got away with it because right beside Suho and Jukyung, sat Taehoon and Suah who were the kind of cheesy couple that made anyone barf.

In fact, just the thought of Suah and Taehoon fawning over each other made him cringe. Even now as he walked into the special private room they frequented for their gatherings—private due to Seojun’s and Jukyung’s popularity—Seojun was pushing back his gag reflex at the squealing he could hear outside.

He scolded them as he entered the room. “Guys! I can hear you all the way from the front entrance. Why are you always so—” He stopped in his tracks. There, between a giggling Jukyung and beaming Suah sat the worst person Seojun had ever known.

Her.

He had heard peripherally about how she had changed now, having reformed as a charity worker. She had apparently apologized to Jukyung about the shitty things she had done before. As if an apology could change anything.

Han Seojun knew Jukyung had forgiven Kang Sujin. That woman had even attended Heekyung’s wedding. But Seojun didn’t understand why she had to invade their special gatherings.

The room had fallen silent. Everyone awkwardly stared at Seojun, then Sujin.

“It’s been a while, Han Seojun.” She said with a polite smile. Her voice deeper than most girls’. He always hated her voice and its lack of femininity.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Seojun pushed the memory away.

“Ah-aah! Han Seojun. You must be surprised.” Jukyung said with forced cheerfulness. “I invited Sujin to join us today.

Seojun merely flicked a cynical brow at Jukyung and took his usual seat besides Suho. Suah and Jukyung nervously returned to their conversation.

The uncomfortable air in the room subsided after a while and everyone chatted cheerfully with each other. Everyone except Han Seojun.

“I saw your performance on TV. You looked good.” Suho told Seojun.

“Why the hell have you invited Kang Soojin?” Seojun asked Suho in a hushed tone.

“She’s a friend, of course she’s invited.”

“Why are you friends with her again?”

“Seojun, its fine.”

Seojun opened his mouth to protest but before he could, Sujin interrupted him.

“Ya, Han Seojun. I saw your performance on TV. I didn’t know you could sing so well.” She said, not sounding too impressed. “You were great.”

It was a peace offering. A way to start off on the right foot.

Seojun gave a sarcastic smile and tilted his head. “You should have known I was that good. I performed in school, didn’t I?”

“Oh right. I guess I didn’t really pay attention before.”

“You were too busy giving all of your attention to Lee Suho. I don’t expect you to have noticed anybody else.”

This time, the silence in the room was palpable. Taehoon audibly gulped. The only person unfazed was Sujin.

“Yeah. I was obsessed with Suho.” She said simply. “But now that I look back,” she made a frame with her forefingers and thumbs, “I think what the hell does Jukyung see in you?”

“Ya!” Suho protested so seriously that Jukyung giggled, breaking the tension.

“Honestly Jukyung. You’d be better off with me as your boyfriend.” Suah and Taehoon joined the laughter.

“Ya Kang Sujin, you stay away from my girlfriend.” Suho protested, pouting.

“You’re too serious, Lee Suho. Jukyung needs someone more fun.”

“At least I don’t go around kicking people in the face.”

“You wouldn’t be able to do it, even if you tried.”

“I know jujitsu, you know.”

“Okay, okay!” Jukyung said. And that was it, the friends were back to normal.

Seojun kept out of the conversations, eating and drinking on his own. No one dared to bother him lest he say something else to ruin the mood.

Han Seojun didn’t care to maintain a good mood. He had no tolerance for people like Kang Sujin; people who were bullies. And especially not when said bully had hurt someone he cared about very deeply. He didn’t buy this act that Sujin was pulling. He knew, that people never changed.

The conversation turned to Sujin and her charity work overseas. She talked animatedly about the children she and her non-profit group worked for. It made Seojun’s blood boil, how she was using a noble cause as a front for her true cold-hearted personality. That angel bullshit may work on others, but it would not work on Seojun.

He kept a close eye on her the entire time, almost glaring to the point where Suho had to poke him with his elbow to get him to look away. But Suho was blind, he should have seen how Sujin’s face gave the barest of glances of pain when he and Jukyung kissed each other and pulled each other’s cheeks and talked about living together.

“Oh, you guys share an apartment?” No one else noticed the high-pitchiness of Sujin’s voice when she asked this. No one, expect Seojun.

And then there was the stolen glances at Suho. That was the final nail in the coffin. Seojun was convinced that Sujin was pretending to be over Suho. She was still in love with him. And that was a problem.

“What’s wrong with you?” Suho confronted Seojun outside, when it was just the two of them waiting for the others to leave.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know the kind of person Kang Sujin is? How can you let her in again?”

“Calm down, Seojun-ah. That was all years ago.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that she hurt Jukyung.”

“She’s not a bad person. I know her better than you. She made a mistake.”

“She knew what she was doing.”

“Haven’t you ever made a mistake before? Or are you telling me that blaming me for Seyeon’s death was the right thing to do?”

Seojun was quiet.

“Seojun-ah, don’t take this the wrong way. You have a tendency to judge too quickly, and misunderstand. If you really hate her that much then talk to her and ask her about her reasons. Don’t just go on assuming something is the way it is because you think so.”

Seojun grit his teeth.

“Shall we go?” Jukyung came up from behind, taking Suho’s arm. The rest of the group was behind her.

“Yeah. Bye everyone. See you next time.” The couple waved as others waved back. “Seojun, I hope you’ll think about what I said.”

Seojun just nodded and waved too. He watched Jukyung and Suho disappear into the crowd on the street.

The rest of them said their goodbyes and went their way, Seojun leaving after giving Sujin a distrusting side-eye.

ii.

I don’t want to be a fool like you and be just friends, only to like him one sidedly.

It had been such a long time ago when Kang Sujin had said this to Han Seojun, but he remembered it like it was yesterday. That and a couple of other memories that played in his mind, causing whiplash.

Ya Han Seojun, are you a gangster?!

Those words especially felt like a slap on his face. He could actually feel his cheek burning at the image of Kang Sujin standing there in her uniform, telling off him and his boys about bullying Jukyung.

He had respected her back then, for having the guys to stand up for her friend. Even though she had been all haughty like some arrogant princess and thought him a fool, he had still respected her. He had never expected her to turn out to be such a vile person.

Am I handsome?

Yes.

No, no, no. That was one incident he refused to remember. It meant nothing. Only a source of surprise at her bluntness, nothing more.

“Seojun, we’re going to hit the showers now, are you done?”

Seojun didn’t hear Chorong as he ran on the treadmill. His body was in the gym but his mind as fully occupied by Kang Sujin, as it had been for the past week.

“Han Seojun, are you listening?”

She must have had a reason for suddenly showing up out of the blue. She had disappeared completely when the truth about her had been revealed online. Obviously, she ran away like a coward. If she was back now, it must be because she wanted something. Kang Sujin could be very calculating and manipulative.

Was it because of Lee Suho?

“Han Seojun!”

Chorong’s voice snapped Seojun out of his thoughts and he fell backward from his treadmill.

“OOOH! Are you okay?”

“YA! Why would you do that?!” Seojun snapped at Chorong as he got back up. He checked himself for bruises though his dignity caught the worst of it.

“Ah-nee, I called you so many times. You were totally checked out.” Chorong explained.

“Does that make sense? Why would I be checked out?”

“Well… you have been out of it this past week. Has something been bothering you?”

Something had been bothering him; something with silky, black hair and long legs.

“What? You met Kang Sujin?” His entire posse sounded as he told them about her return. Seojun put a finger in his ears as he was bombarded with questions.

“Did she apologize to Jukyung? Are they friends now?”

“Did she tell where she was all that time?”

“Is she still pretty?”

“Is she single?”

“What is she doing these days?”

Seojun ignored all of these useless inquiries.

“Hey! Did you al forget the kind of person she is? How could you ask if she is still pretty?”

“She must be. I bet she’s still the same.”

“She was never pretty.” Seojun declared. “I can never understand what people see in her.”

“That’s because you only have eyes for one.” One of them teased and the rest of them Ooh-ed like school girls.

“Ah, shikkeureo! Shut up!” Chorong said in defense of Seojun. Out of everyone, Chorong understood best how much Seojun still pined for Jukyung. “So, what exactly is bothering you about Kang Sujin?”

“I don’t trust her. Especially around Jukyung.”

“Wae? Do you think she might still be after Lee Suho.”

“Yes. At least I suspect so. I’m not sure what game she’s playing at but I’m not buying this angel persona she has on.”

“So? You can’t exactly stop Jukyung from choosing to be friends with her.”

“I feel I can convince Jukyung if I talk to her.”

“She might just tell you to try to get along with Sujin.”

This was true. Jukyung was too nice and trusting with people. Seojun thought long and hard.

“I’ll have to protect her. I’ll have to keep Kang Sujin away from Jukyung.”

iii.

He had been on his way to the studio, casually riding by on his bike, when he saw her. She was in some blue vest, clearly a uniform of some sort. She was handing out fliers to people who passed by, smiling widely with that fake innocent look she had perfected. What a crock of shit. Seojun swerved around and parked his bike, then sauntered up to her with an amused expression.

She lit up when she saw him approach, waving animatedly at him. Her happiness upon seeing him surprised him so much that he stumbled and almost fell. He played it off as nothing, hoping she hadn’t noticed.

“Ya Han Seojun, gimme your autograph.” She grinned as she pushed forward a petition to help kids in Africa.

Seojun didn’t take it. “What are you doing?” He asked rhetorically, looking at the pictures of children she had set up for people to see along with information as to how to donate. So she’s using these poor kids for her own selfish reasons?

“Huh?” Sujin hadn’t missed his tone. “Just sign it, its for a good cause. And being charitable will help your image too, no?” She tried appealing to his logic.

“Ooooh,” Seojun mocked, “So you keep up the pretense even when you’re not around Jukyung? Isn’t this a too much, Kang Sujin?”

Sujin’s smile dropped into a snarl, “What?”

“I’m on to you, Kang Sujin.” Seojun got up in her face. “Ah-nee, if you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?”

Sujin stared at him in shock and anger. Seojun suddenly recalled how well Sujin had kicked those thugs who had kidnapped Jukyung back in high school and gulped. He hoped she wouldn’t try to kill him in public but it was too late to take back what he said.

“Han Seojun…” Sujin said through clenched teeth and Seojun prepared for the worst.

Ya Han Seojun! Are you a gangster?!

But she said nothing. Instead she calmed herself, exhaling through her mouth.

“I probably deserve that.” She said, not backing away or cowering from him. She pushed the flier in his chest, “But don’t make these kids suffer because of your anger towards me. They could really use the support.”

Seojun looked down at the flier. He couldn’t sign anything without the consent of his agency. So he folded it up and pocketed it. Along with his pride. He could put his ego aside for a good cause.

“These kids deserve a better person representing them than you.” Seojun said. Sujin pressed her lips tightly.

“Aren’t you being a little too harsh? I’m not the same person anymore. And Jukyung has—”

“You may have everyone else fooled, Kang Sujin. But I will always remember what you are.” With that, Seojun walked away, his hand twitching.

 iv.

The next time they all met up, Seojun made sure to sit between Sujin and Jukyung. He felt uncomfortable because he had to bump shoulders with her, but he would bear it for Jukyung.

Suho gave Seojun a warning look when they all sat down. Don’t do anything excessive, the look said. Seojun ignored it.

He could feel Sujin’s stiffness beside him. This was uncomfortable for her too. Good. If I’m suffering, she should too. But she kept up her polite façade, smiling like nothing bothered her.

Seojun made sure to keep her isolated from Jukyung. He didn’t let her speak to Jukyung, didn’t let her participate in the competitions. He even didn’t let her eat properly.

“Jukyung-ah, did I show you my pictures from—”

“Jukyung-ah, has your sister told you about the tour we’re planning?” Seojun interrupted.

Jukyung would be at a loss as to who to answer and Seojun would move forward, blocking Sujin.

When Suho or Jukyung tried to ask Sujin what she wanted to eat first, he took the first dish he saw and shoved it in front of her.  

“Here, have this Kang Sujin.”

“I don’t want it.” She said with an unamused look.

“Take it.” He ordered in his intimidating baritone.

They glared at each other , Sujin’s face twitching with annoyance. Seojun mentally dared her to snap at him but she swallowed her pride, quite literally, and put on a fake smile.

“Thanks.” She said dryly.

By the end of dinner, Han Seojun had successfully managed to annoy Kang Sujin. Her fake persona was slipping as she clenched her jaw and exhaled excessively to keep her temper in check. Seojun guessed he would have her true personality on display by the end of the night.

“Han Seojun what are you doing?” Suho confronted him outside.

“What did I do?” Seojun feigned ignorance.

“You need to sto—”

“Han Seojun. Let’s talk.” Sujin strode up to them from behind, her face set with determination.

“No.” Seojun said.

“I wasn’t asking. I was telling.” And there she was, the old Sujin. Gone was the politeness and friendly demeanor. She stared boldly at him, almost challenging him to refuse again.

“Seojun-ah, just hear her out.” Jukyung broke through their staring match. Seojun could never say no to her. But he didn’t get a chance to say yes either.

Sujin simply commanded, “Follow me,” and grabbed the collar of his jacket, dragging him away.

“Ya! What are you doing?!” But Kang Sujin was stronger than she looked and Seojun found himself being pulled against his will.

The rest of them could only stare.

“Do you think they’ll be alright?” Suah asked, concerned.

“Nope. I’m certain they’ll kill each other.” Suho replied nonchalantly.

“My money’s on Sujin.” Taehoon and Suah said together.

“You’re on.” Suho replied.

iv.

“Are you crazy? How could you grab me like that?” Seojun smoothened the collar of his coat that Sujin had bunched up in her fist. She had let go when he had said that he would follow enough times. They walked together, Sujin going ahead of him. He quickly put on his mask. “How can a girl be so strong?” He said under his breath. Then spoke aloud, “Is this any way to treat an idol?”

Sujin suddenly turned on her heels, stopping Seojun in his tracks. She was a little too close for comfort and looked intimidated with that unfiltered anger on her face. “Just shut up and follow.”

Seojun put his hands on his hips, tilting his head. He was unimpressed by her tough attitude. He gestured forward with his chin, “Then move.”

He followed her, keeping a small distance between them. She marched forward, taking long strides with her long, long legs. She looked like a general going to war.

“She calls me a thug. She should look at herself.” He mumbled.

Sujin led them to a secluded pocha, street food vendor with small plastic seats housed inside a plastic tent. Seojun adjusted his mask.

“Relax, no one here is going to recognize you.” Sujin said, sensing his discomfort. Indeed, when Seojun looked around, all he saw were hold ahjusshis getting drunk and babbling nonsense. None of them seemed like his fans.

Still, Sujin led them in a corner table and sat where he was hidden by her. She ordered two bottles of soju and side dishes for him. He simply watched with his arms crossed.

The silence between them was awkward and heavy. Neither of them said anything. Han Seojun openly stared at Sujin. Kang Sujin looked everywhere but him. The lady brought them their order. Sujin effortlessly opened a bottle and moved to fill his glass. Seojun put his hand on top of his glass to stop her.

With a sigh, he took the bottle from her and poured for himself. She followed suit. They both took a shot.

Sujin sat up straight, shuffling in her seat. She first looked down at her hands in her lap, then looked up, straight in his eyes.

“Mianhae.” It took him by surprise. More than that, the regret on her face moved him. If only by an inch. “I’m sorry, Han Seojun. What I did back then… I was going through some personal issues, and I took it out on Jukyung. But even that is not a good enough excuse. I shouldn’t have done what I did. And even what I said to you… even after you gave me a chance to delete the video… I’m sorry.” She gulped and Seojun mirrored her. “You were right. I was only destroying myself. I should have seen that. But I have changed now. I’m not the same person. I know you’re important to Jukyung. So I hope we can get along from now on.”

Seojun took another shot. He took a minute, considering her words.

“If its forgiveness you want, then Kang Sujin, there is nothing to forgive between us. Your fight was with Jukyung. Not me.” Sujin appeared relieved till Seojun added, “However, my problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to. And I can’t let that happen.”

Sujin’s mouth became small. She jutted her jaw, pouring another shot for herself. She downed it aggressively before responding. “I’m not the same girl anymore. I’m not in love with—”

“I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?”

“I am over him.”

“Bull shit. I saw the way you were looking Suho. All throughout dinner—”

“Aren’t you just projecting your own feelings onto me?” Sujin interrupted.

Seojun laughed incredulously, “What?”

“The one who’s not over their unrequited love is you. You’re not over Jukyung.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. All these years you’ve been pretending to be her friend. Aren’t you the one being two faced?”

“I’ve already confessed to her. We even went on a date.” Seojun crossed his arms with a smirk.

This was news to Sujin, “Aah. Is that so? Then isn’t that more pathetic? Even though she clearly doesn’t want you—”

“Ya, Kang Sujin.”

“—you’re still not over her. I too saw how you looked at her. With that pathetic puppy dog expression on your face. Don’t you think this is awkward for Jukyung? Sitting there with her boyfriend and—”

“Shut your damn mouth.”

“Wae? Don’t like it when the tables are turned on you?” Sujin and Seojun glared at each other with hatred. Seojun poured and downed a shot. Sujin swallowed and looked away. This was not how she imagined this conversation going.

“I’m not in love with her.” Seojun declared.

Sujin snorted, “Hul. Then why is it you who is giving me this lecture and not Lee Suho? If I’m really such a threat to Lim Jukyung, then shouldn’t her boyfriend be the one to confront me? What gives you the right to treat me this way?”

Seojun paused. “I can give you a million reasons; that I’m her friend, that even though I’m not her boyfriend, she stills relies on me, that I’m doing this out of humanity.”

Sujin scoffed.

“That I don’t want to lose another friend because of bullying.”

Sujin’s face fell. She licked her lips as she considered his point of view. Then, wordlessly, she poured him a drink.

“I’m not a bully. I never was. I did a shitty thing that I’ve apologized for and now I’d like to move on with my life.” She poured herself a shot of soju too. “I care about Jukyung. I will always regret what I did to her. But I still have a chance at friendship and I am going to take it whether you like it or not.”

They both took the shot. Sujin poured them another.

“We both care about Jukyung. And she would want us to get along, or at least pretend to for her sake.” Sujin gave Seojun a pointed look. The ball was in his court now.

Seojun remembered how uncomfortable Jukyung had been because of his hostility towards Sujin. True, Sujin wasn’t the kind to be trusted. Seojun was a man of action, he didn’t believe in hollow words. But it was also true that fighting with Sujin all the time would cause problems in their peaceful little group. And although he was sure that when it came to it, everyone would choose him and not her, he still held up the shot glass and said, “For Jukyung’s sake.”

v.

The two drunken enemies staggered on the sidewalk, each supporting the other while trying not to fall; a drunk trying to steady another drunk.

“Ah-nee-ya, I’m not *hic* not in love with Jukyung. I don… I don…”

“Arassssso. And I’mf the Pwincess of England.” Sujin slurred, pushing Seojun upright as she tried to hail a taxi.

“Na ah-nee-ya. I’m not. Nope.” Seojun hiccuped.

“Ah just sstand still!” Sujin pushed his body away but his arm was still draped over her shoulder.

“Ah sshutup! Shut up you stupid Suijin!” Seojun started snickering at his own statement, “Hehehe. Stupid Suji. Sujinnie phabo.” Seojun pushed his weight onto her, still chortling.

“Ah stand still!!” Sujin wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him up. She was suddenly very aware of just how tall he was. Even with her own impressive height, he seemed too big.

A taxi finally stopped and Sujin struggled with pushing Seojun inside. She pushed him in with her legs when he bent over on the seat but refused to move further to give her room.

“Where to?” The driver asked when they both were seated.

“Han Seojun, tell him your address.”

Seojun fell to the other side, passed out. Sujin, who herself felt like passing out, leaned over to tap his face, “Han Seojun? Ya! Wake uuup.” He did not.

“Are we leaving or not?” The driver asked impatiently.

Sujin shook Seojun again. He stirred, only to mumble Jukyung’s name and pass out on her shoulder again. Sujin looked at the driver helplessly.

 vi.

The first thing Seojun felt was the pounding headache, it brought him out of a very nice dream he’d been having that he promptly forgot. He could feel his legs sticking out from the side of the bed. In turning over, his elbow punched into something.

“Oof! Ow! What the hell!”

Sujin kicked at him as she pressed her ribs in pain. They both were surprised to find themselves tangled in each other. It took them exactly three seconds to start screaming.

They both flew off the bed, Sujin hitting Seojun repeatedly with her pillow.

“Ow! Ow! Ah! OW!”

“Why. Are. You. In. My. Bed?!”

“Why am I here? Why are you here?”

“This is my room asshole!”

Seojun grabbed Sujin’s wrist to keep her from hitting him. He looked around and indeed it was Sujin’s room.

“What the hell happened?” He asked.

She kicked him in the shin, “How the hell would I know? Explain yourself, Han Seojun!”

“You explain! How can I end up here if you didn’t bring me?”

Sujin’s raised foot, about to kick Seojun, slowly lowered. She was suddenly hit with the memory of last night. Drunkenly trying to enter the code to her door as Seojun whined about missing Jukyung, stumbling into her apartment and dragging Seojun by his collar to the couch, falling on top of him as he fell and then immediately picking herself up and going into her room to pass out.

Seojun put his hands on his hips defiantly, “Kang Sujin. We got drunk last night didn’t we? Aish, chincha. I never thought you’d be the kind of girl to take advantage of a guy like that.”

“Ah-ni-godun! That would never happen! I only brought you here because you wouldn’t tell me your address.”

“Ah, what a nice excuse. And whose idea was it to go drinking any way? Was this your plan all along? Of course, its understandable that you’d want a rebound with the most handsome guy around.”

Sujin scoffed in disbelief. “That’s not the case!” She protested. “And what handsome? I find you laughable.”

“And I find you detestable.”

“Then why did you come into my bedroom when I left you out on the couch?”

A flash of memory sparked in Seojun’s mind; of getting up, using Sujin’s bathroom and going into the bedroom thinking he was at Chorong’s place.

The red spreading on his cheeks was a dead giveaway to Sujin that she had him.

Seojun cleared his throat, “No matter what, this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Of course, it doesn’t.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment as they wondered what to do next. They both spoke together.

“You should probably go.”

“I should leave.”

A rare agreement. They both nodded in sync.

“But… is there a back door to your apartment? I can risk having my face seen leaving a girl’s apartment.”

Sujin licked her lips as she considered this. “I think I have an idea.”

From the outside, Kang Sujin’s apartment door cracked open, just enough for two heads to poke out to check if the coast was clear. One of those heads was wearing a beanie, a mask and sunglasses. The other was Sujin. They both sneaked out of her apartment and beelined for the emergency stairs.

“Why is your apartment so up high?”

“We can always go in the elevator where my neighbors can see you.”

“I hate you.”

Finally making it out the back exit, the two relaxed.

“How are you going to get home?” She asked him.

“I’ll take the bus. Nobody will recognize me when I’m like this.”

“You shouldn’t underestimate fangirls.”

Seojun chuckled, “Never do. Bye then.”

Seojun turned, then paused, then turned back. “Kang Sujin.” He called out to her just as she was about to go in. “Thanks… for not just abandoning me last night.” It was the most difficult thank-you he had ever said.

Sujin simply nodded. “Get home safely.”

 vii.

Sujin didn’t remember going back up to her apartment, just the click of the door shutting behind her that pulled her out of her daze.

She had just spent the night with Han Seojun. Admittedly, it meant nothing, but it still felt weird and she didn’t know what to do about it.

Maybe I should have asked him to eat before he went. He must have been hungry. She thought. And then scolded herself, Ah-nee, why would I care about him? He doesn’t matter to me anyway.

Traces of Han Seojun still lingered in her apartment; the bedsheet that had fallen on the floor, along with the pillow she had assaulted him with, his spicy scent on the bed and a metal ring on her bedside table that he must have taken off during the night.

Sujin held up the ring, looking through it. She would give it to him later, if they met again. She hoped they didn’t. She was already dreading the thought of encountering him again.

Kang Sujin didn’t let herself think too much about last night. She changed her sheets, showered and firmly put all thoughts of a certain idol out of her mind. He was just a silly twerp who had been a thug in high school and was now just an idol. He had nothing to do with her, nor she with him.

She had better things to do, like her work.

If you’re going to pretend to be all reformed then you shouldn’t make it too obvious. Charity work is a little too on the nose, don’t you think?

Nope, she wasn’t going to let that idiot get to her. Who was he to treat her like this? Next time she saw him, she would kick him in the face. Yes, that’s what she would do.

I keep hearing that you’ve changed. But have you really? Can you honestly tell me that you’re over him?

All day long Sujin’s hand twitched with the need to be scrubbed clean. They kept getting clammy and sticky. She wanted to scrub, scurb, scurb them of all the dirt and the grime and the filth of her past self. Sujin had believed that she had kicked this bad habit of unnecessarily cleaning her hands, but apparently she hadn’t.

My problem with you isn’t because of old grudges. I just can’t trust you, Kang Sujin. I believe you still will hurt Jukyung, even if you don’t mean to.

“Well who the hell wants your trust?” Sujin argued with the wind.

“Is everything okay?” One of the girls she worked with asked.

“What? Oh-um-yeah. Everything is fine! Just… talking to myself.” She put on a fake cheery attitude and shook her head.

It was only when Sujin’s day was finally over, and she was back in her empty apartment, leaning against her front door, that let herself feel the misery she had been suppressing.

Of course that Han Seojun hates me. What reason does he have not to?

Even the person who had been obligated to love and protect her, had only ever seen her as worthless. If her own father, couldn’t treat her with decency, then why should she expect a stranger to?

Her small apartment suddenly seemed so much bigger now. Big and empty, with shadows extending from the ground to the roof.

Kang Sujin, were you always such a piece of trash?

She hadn’t answered him back then. But in these quiet moments, she allowed herself to admit, “Yes, Han Seojun. I was always such a worthless piece of trash.”

Back when she had been a kid—running away from her problems in school, from what she had done to Jukyung—she would let this darkness take over. It would eat her inside and out till she was just a shell. However, now that he had grown up, she had learned how to deal with this on her own.

Sujin pushed herself off of the door and walked into her room, turning on all of the lights. Rest, she needed rest. And food, before anything else. Most of the time her depression would just be weakness caused by hunger. She was indeed careless with her health.

Her phone buzzed suddenly. It was a message from Jukyung. She would respond later. First she would spend time on herself. But then, almost immediately, there was a message from Suah. Then Suho. Even Taehoon. Then the phone lit up with a call from Jukyung.

“What’s going o—”

“Kang Sujin, have you seen the articles?”

“What?”

“There’s articles about you and Seojun dating.”

“WHAT?” It took Sujin a full minute to process what Jukyung was saying. She was speaking but Sujin didn’t hear the rest. Jukyung’s voice was muted from the speaker as Sujin searched through Naver for her and Seojun’s name.

“It’s all over the internet.” Jukyung was saying. “Someone’s posted pictures of you and Seojun together. Sujin-ah. Is that really you? Are you and Seojun dating?”

The room began to spin and Sujin had the urge to kick someone in the face.

“Jukyung-ah. I’ll call you back.”

What the hell happened?”

The articles Sujin found showed her and Seojun exiting her building. It was from this morning. Seojun’s face was well hidden but she could be clearly seen. From the way the pictures were taken, it looked as if the two were involved in something together.

Sujin’s phone suddenly lit up with an unknown number. She knew it could only be Han Seojun.

She pressed answer.

Some JunJin images I came up with just for fun