#fully just uploading this so I can show my friend lmao
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A short video I took from the Tavern Crossover panel at NärCon sommar 2023. Now even my non-Swedish friends can bask in the glory of Anton from Skåne
#närcon#fully just uploading this so I can show my friend lmao#I should’ve filmed more I haven’t been able to find like anything about this panel#and it’s probably the most fun I’ve ever had at a convention
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NCT GROUP CONCEPT - THE SLEEP CYCLE
warning: I am not making this up, this is actual facts, some is speculation, but this is a very real concept within the group and not a work of fiction.
(finished writing this back in 2020 and now it's relevant again so i'm adding to it and reposting it)
Concept Overview
The NCT members are going through sleep cycles, which are portrayed in music videos and extracurriculars. Every time they complete a ‘dream cycle’ they add more members into the group and when they complete a sleep cycle they make a new subunit. Now SM is straying away from this concept, but for the first two and half years its very evident this is happening.
Alternatively - NCT only exists within our [fans] dreams, and each music video is a different dream. This explains the different themes in music videos, some not making sense.
Debut
It starts with, “The synchronization of your dreams.” [SOYD] In this, the members have already fallen asleep, and the ‘synchronization’ is the members coming together to form NCT U. Lets not forget the concept of NCT U is for any members, from any sub units to come together and entertain you [consumers/fans] in your dreams. This also can work with the synchronization of each sub unit to form one whole dream, or NCT as a whole.
After this, NCT U is debuted with the hit song seventh sense. The seventh sense? Lucid dreaming - the ability to control your dreams. There’s more to this song than people realize.
In the SOYD we have haechan vocals, but he isn’t in the final debut song seventh sense. People think this is in fact a hate crime SM committed, but it is only because he has fallen back to his own dream scape AKA NCT DREAM.
After the SOYD and Seventh sense, NCT DREAM debuts. This is the first dreamscape, and the main one. The next section explains more on their sub units
NCT DREAM
They have a whole concept within their dreamscape which is why they get a whole section. NCT DREAM implemented a graduation system for the members, but no this isn’t to torture fans lmao.
They debuted with the song Chewing Gum, which is very juvenile. Throughout NCT DREAMS discography you can watch their hits turn from juvenile bubble gum kpop to mature themes, most significantly turning after their song GO.
The idea for this group was, the older the fans get the more they change. When you’re a kid you’re going to be dreaming about bubblegum, but when you’re older you’re going to be dreaming about driving with your friends etc (WE GO UP).
Their whole concept stems from the brain patterns and dream growth in growing kids. This is why they implemented the graduation concept. The older you get the less you are to dream about kiddy stuff, and that’s their whole sub unit concept.
NCT 127
After NCT DREAM debuted, NCT 127 made their appearance with hit song FireTruck. Now the song means absolutely nothing to me, it’s just a bop, but the video means everything for the sleep cycle context.
In the video we are met with a young girl, and one of the first things the members do is destroy her sand castle. This symbolizes how they are one step up from dreams concept aka repping the dream patterns and growth of teenagers to young adults. The destroying of her sandcastle has obvious connection to how when you grow up, all the kid stuff is no long relevant and your dreams (in life as well) change.
Throughout the video we see the female protagonist grow up through her teen years and even into her working years. The concept is so plainly obvious but yet so hidden because why are they rapping about firetrucks (maybe because growing up puts out the fire, aka passion, that we have for our dreams?)
NCT DREAM LAB -> EMPATHY 2018
There are a series of videos titled NCTmentary, which fully back up my theories and show this concept in depth. This also predicts the new members that would be joining us a couple months after the first video was uploaded.
They basically spell out that NCT is in the deepest sleep (REM CYCLE) at the moment and that anything can be possible, aka them debuting new members, or to us, the fans, creating new members in our dreamscape.
The third episode title is Empathy, hinting at the new album that would dropping and again, hinting at new members. They debut three new members, but don’t make a big deal about them being debuted because NCT is in deep sleep right now.
The entire series perfectly describes the entire concept and I could write an entire 60 page thesis on it and its meanings but i’m going to spare you.
WAKEY WAKEY
So this song is them waking up, yep. The time between Empathy 2018 and this EP is nct going through their dream cycle, and then this is them and us finally waking up. A couple months before this, WAYV debuted, and I’m still not sure what their role in this concept is. Remember in the beginning where i told you that SM is straying from this concept, well WAYVs debut is the first big plot hole.
There isnt much more to say, because this is kind of where SM dropped the sleep cycle concept, but!!!!!!!!! they ended up dropping the concept when they appointed a new company president so I think thats the reason.
THIS IS WHERE I STOPPED WRITING LAST TIME. TIME TO CONTINUE THIS SHIT
WAYV
okay so wayvs concept is pretty much right there for everyone to see. it's some kind of sci-fi, space themed dreams, and i think it's awesome. that's all there is to say on their topic lol.
GOLDEN AGE
so between loveholic and golden age, we get a bunch of random music videos and albums for each subunit. again, this is because they're each in their own dreams right now...they're not really coming together. until we get to golden age. now we have everyone together, forming a multi-dimension dreamscape basically. everyone is meshed together again.
AND WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THIS? THEY DEBUTED A NEW SUBUNIT. NCT WISH.
now i don't know anything about this new subunit, BUT my theory is that because nct dream has now matured in their concept, they need to bring back the original concept of bubblegum kiddie dreams. this also fills in the plothole of them cancelling the nct dream graduation thing. now they'll have another kiddie friendly group or kiddie friendly dream scape.
AND WHAT NOW?
now they're back to being awake again. this is detailed in nct dreams new concept ()SCAPE films. they're being awoken. finally.
EXTRA - CHART
falling asleep
↓
beginning of rem sleep / individual unit albums
↓
deep sleep / album with all members / debut new ones (or take away some)
↓
end of dream cycle /making their way out of main rem sleep and having smaller individual dreams aka music videos
↓
waking up - this usually follows a japanese album (wakey wakey & gimme gimme)
↓
fully awake now and then they debut a new sub unit
EXTRA - how nct fits the chart
SLEEP CYCLE #1
synchronization of your dreams (falling asleep)
↓
a few individual unit albums (nct#127, limitless, the first, cherry bomb & we young.)
↓
they debut lucas, kun, and jungwoo and we get the first multi dreamscape album (empathy)
↓
more albums (chain, we go up, regular-irregular, regulate)
↓
awaken album (japanese) (it's important to note that the last song on the album is end to start, which means they're now going back to the start which is falling asleep again.
↓
debut of wayv
SLEEP CYCLE #2
falling asleep again (take off)
↓
a few individual unit albums (we are superhuman, we boom, take over the moon, neozone, reload, neozone: the final round)
on the same note, then we get wayvs, awaken the world (they're trying to get everyone to wake up)
↓
they debut sungchan and shotaro and we get the second multi dreamscape album (resonance)
↓
this time we get the japanese album first (loveholic)
↓
more albums (kick back, hot sauce, hello future, sticker, favorite)
↓
then we get a second multi dreamscape album, universe.
↓
then they undebut sungchan and shotaro
↓
then we go back to the albums, which coincidentally starts with glitch mode. i think this was intentional. because the order of the sleep cycle got messed up this time around, i think nct dreams glitch modes indicates there was a glitch in the dream world.
this is followed by (beatbox, two baddies, candy, phantom, ay-yo, perfume & istj)
↓
then we get another multi dreamscape album (golden age)
↓
then more albums (fact check, on my youth)
↓
debut NCT WISH (a moreso japanese unit so we don't need any more japanese albums from the other groups for the sleep cycle to continue)
SLEEP CYCLE #3 (FINALLY BACK ON TRACK FOR ANOTHER ROUND)
starts with nct dream waking up (they're new album coming out in which they're literally waking up from their dream in the video teasers.)
and thats the end......for now.
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AHAHAHAHAHAHA I GOT FOUR BINGOS NOW ON @feedthefandomfest's OG BINGO CARD it only took yeeting myself into the GoW fandom fully and also for Arcane season 2 to come out. I AM DETEREMIND TO FINISH THIS DAMN CARD BY THE END OF THE YEAR THO yes I only have a month SHUT UP I CAN DO THIS Arcane season 2 powers me
Rec list time below the cut! Also including one of the fics from the first bingo I got cause I remembered it, lol. (Also, if you haven't watched Act 1 of Arcane, season 2, some of the fics included here will hold spoilers for Act 1! So be wary!)
"Of Atreus and Calliope" by ArlenianChronicles Slams fist, swiftly followed by my head, on table. Inhales sharply, lifts head- THIS. FIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCCCC- Have you ever wanted to read a fic starring protective big bro Atreus with little sis Calliope going on a cross country/... continental road trip with a healthy dose of family drama, angst, fluff and sibling bonding, followed by a slice-of-life style with the first three seasonings mentioned above coming in spades? Maybe some Sindri grappling with his feelings and trauma as a side dish? And some Atreboda for the sauce? THEN BOY OH BOY DO I HAVE THE FIC FOR YOU! Essentially, it's exactly what I just described. Atreus more or less accidentally kidnaps Calliope from Elsyium which brings her back to life (Kratos' kin are just built different, ig) and the two end up going on a cross country AND continental journey through Greece and the Roman Empire as they try to get back to Midgard, making friends and enemies along the way. Once they do, Calliope learns how to adjust to life in Jotunheim, gets to create a Calliope Found Family Collection, meets a still very angry Sindri and Atreus... Atreus gets to try and figure out how to tell his dad "hey, your daughter's back!" without sending his old man to the grave for the... what, 10th time? I'm really oversimplifying it, but this is already long enough, lol.
Keep in mind, this was written before Valhalla came out, so that's why some things might seem a little off. Also, it's set in the God of War universe. There's a decent amount of canon typical violence in it (also, istg everyone in the cast needs therapy, lmao). It's so good, guys, it's so. GOOD. URGH
"don't do anything you'll regret" by Perfectharmonyloveschaos Have you ever wondered how you make the saddest and most horrifying part of a thing, whether it be a video game, movie, TV show, book, comic or whatever else, EVEN MORE horrifying and sad than it already is? No? Well, too bad, I'm introducing a fic to you that managed to do that anyways. I was left SPEECHLESS when I finished reading it, all I knew was that felt the jumble of emotions I did when Brok died but WORSE. And honestly, that's a pretty damn impressive feat.
Uh, in regards to TWs... Well, how many of you know the myth where Loki gets his mouth sewn shut? Cause, uh... Odin does that to Atreus. And it's violent. Also Brok still dies, so.
"Nightmares Everlasting" by tinycrown So good so good so good so SO good, holy shit- (this can be applied to ALL of their GoW fics, lol) Basic plot, Atreus has a vision of the prophecy where his dad dies at Thor's hand, and DOES NOT LIKE IT. Featuring good dad Kratos caring for his son during the aftermath of the vision. My GODS the way this person writes Atreus scratches an itch in my brain SO WELL
"Burnt Primrose" by fayeerie A very good fic following Freyr and his experiences with fire. He doesn't like it very much. Featuring a little study on his relationship with Freya pre marriage to Odin.
Freyr gets set on fire here, and while it's not terribly graphic, it could still be quite uncomfy for some, so tread carefully!
"serendipity" by quoichiant A Yone/Aphelios slowburn AU, with extremely overworked and stressed out college student Aphelios, and a honestly done with life producer!Yone. So, funny story. I remembered I commented on this one for the rarepair spot not long after I uploaded my first bingo, lol. Then I wondered if they actually count as a rarepair, so I decided to check. The League of Legends fandom on AO3 has 19,515 works (at the time of checking). Of those works, the Yone/Aphelios pairing has 56. Yeah, I think they count, at least for me and my tastes, XD
"Got Your Heart In A Headlock" by GerardRay_15 A CaitVi fic. A very good, very tender, very loving CaitVi fic. I sorely needed this, lmao.
It's implied that Vi has a past of sexual abuse in this one, so tread carefully!
"If you want me to, I'll share my heart" by N3VERAGOD Just a sweet, fluffy CaitVi fic that I DESPERATELY needed after the gut punch known as episode 3 of season 2 (iykyk)
It's implied these two fucked the night before the fic takes place, and they're both naked, although nothing is ever explicitly stated (minus some kiss attacks)
"Of the Northmost Winds and Skies" by xxiyu I feel like this is one of the more famous HiJack fics out there, lol. And for good reason! SUCH a good fic, always happy to come back to it if I need a pick me up. Another 'Jack gets yeeted back to the past' fic, but this time with Jaime and Baby Tooth along for the ride! And not only do they meet the Berkians, but they also meet an enemy I think Jack would've liked to have never met for the rest of his life, lol. Also, if you like slowburn, HERE YOU GO! YOU GET... good, lord, I think like, 19-ish chapters of pining?? I think halfway through it I started yelling out loud, "oh, would you just kiss already, you dumb gay fucks(affectionate)??", if that gives you any idea how well it was written, lol.
Aaaand, that's it for this round! With Arcane season 2 here, I'll probably be satiating myself between Acts with fics, so hopefully I'll be able to finish the last four spots in quick succession! Still super happy I decided to do this challenge - my confidence needed it, and I think it's even been helping a little with my social anxiety?? Who knows, lol
Anyways, bye!
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Hi! How are you!?? Hope you had a lovely year so far~ as for me is ok as of now, lots to do and none of the motivation but i am healthy?lol better than nothing haha
i do feel really guilty for no giving any feedback about the update... sorry!!!!
i am so sorry bacchus i am the worst so embarrasing, i swear that this if & the characters live in my head 24/7 i love it so so much
But when i try to comment is like i forget all the words?! Broken brain i swear lol
SPOILERS AHEAD i think?
Welll i was just passing for the nsfw blog & bacchus omg i love it, giggling kicking my feet, all of them are sooo 🔥🔥🔥 but i am really really soft for all of them also?! All these feelings lol
So i just played the update a bit & loved it~ francis is my most beloved (only)parent and if i am forced to separate of them i am gonna riot i swear
Ellis my sweet little sister~ i love her your honor~ hope i can be a lovely enough sibling to her
Mother dearest can choke for all i care, and father as well, hilarious that he got played by E(i asume tho) thats totally a point in favor of E gotta admit
Played the animal whisperer (lmao i forgot the right word!) & i love it so much?!whiskers and Bulwark my beloveds omg thats so cute i love love love it
That cliffy tho!totally killed me T my love~
Also loved the options given to mc about their take & hopes about love & their fears? Thank you~
Cannot wait to meet the rest of the cast!!! I am so curious~
Forgive me but i cannot remember if you plan to make ros povs? And can we expect a oportunity to be with ellis?(like hang out? I swear i forgot the word lol) i love her & wish her all the happiness
All in all i love your writings, i wish i had the words to make them justice but all i have is this word vomit lmao i am sorry!!!
Mmm i was planning to make some notes about my mc from bacchanal, would it be alright to tag you? It is mostly hcs but if i say nonsense i would love if you give me some thoughs? Is not biggie if not though
Thank you for your work!!!! I am marching to ask smth in the nsfw blog rn so see you there ;)
🥰🥰🥰🥰
Hello!! 🥰
My year has been great so far and I'm finally getting rid of this cold. I hope you get the inspir/motivation you need! You are not the worst at anything, I assure you!
I am so humbled that you love my characters so. I have to say that I'm tempted to pay for portraits of Whiskers and Bulwark just because. And Ellis just needs someone to be their friend 💜 (they are nb btw!)
As for RO POVs... I am always open to them, as I love reading them, but I think for this I am going to keep it to the MC's POV so you are always in the driver's seat.
However... I did say I love reading them, didn't I? After the story is wrapped up I fully intend on making additional paid content with the RO's POVs as well as some pivotal scenes that happen before and during the course of the story but outside of the MC's view. It would be in the form of a new IF where you can upload your save file/put in your character details to make it more personalized.
The MC and Ellis should have at least one scene together before the Bacchanal, but in which chapter(s) I'm not 100% sure. I know what the scene will look like, but I still need to figure out when it should happen. Don't worry, Ellis fans!
Please do show me your notes! I would adore reading any of them!! The tag I follow is #bacchanal-if.
As always, thank you for your interest in my work 💜
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Wow the "conclusion" to this is wild. Lmao @ her saying that she'll look at your blog in the future to feel better about herself. Hobbyless behavior. Sorry you got all of that shit for months, it's just so fucking bizarre. I really love your writing and your blog and I hope despite all of that shit that you're having a good day 💕
I'm just like. Kind of sitting here wondering what the point even was.
Like literally at the core of this argument was i posted about a family event and a complete stranger got so extremely upset that they. Literally started a fight on anon, and then after I told them to get fucked, then proceeded to pretend to be an underage rape survivor and said I made them attempt suicide, and then messaged TONS of people saying "weebsinstash is a rape apologist who bullied cjfjfj" and it was literally all a fucking lie. They want to say they bullied me for entertainment but what was rhe point of like. Harassing dozens of other people who weren't even involved. That's obviously not when anything to do with me. That's acting like a freak because you think it's Cute And Quirky
Like. I cannot emphasize enough that the hypothetical child who harmed themselves was the literal only single aspect of this entire thing that could even mildly make me feel bad and this actually stupid fucking cunt gave themselves up, "oh by the way that person was never real" like, damn if you were an actual good troll you never would've revealed that, so you can't even be a little basement dweller correctly
Imagine being like "yeah you know the literal only thing about this that might actually cause you some sort of guilt and was the crux of my whole crusade against you lol yeah it was just a lie and the friends who apologized on my behalf were also me and the people who were nice to you were also me" like wow you were OBSESSED OBSESSED
But there's also so many more layers to that? They made blogs and maintained them to talk to me pretending to be people who were also harassed. They literally gave me emotional support as a "gotcha"? Like how is that a gag. Do you not realize repeatedly popping out of the woodwork saying "hey every mean thing that was said to you over xyz amount of months was me all along" has literally just trained me to automatically blame you for any bad feedback and thus you have granted me the ability to be insulted and not care. Like literally any time I get an ask about anything and it's rude I just assume it's this one single person now. And I don't get hate mail so it was always kind of obvious anyways. But like they literallt actually gave me a gift because I won't really ever believe anything nasty I get ever again :)
But like. The sheer. Actual literal disconnect from reality for this person to fully say with their whole chest, "ha ha yeah I really showed YOU and made YOU look stupid, the way I pretended to be a child, lied about rape, publicly harassed complete strangers, tried to doxx you, made a fake dating profile for you, uploaded your photos in multiple places, sent you stuff on anon to take credit for it later, and maintained disguises for most of a year, haha wow don't YOU look dumb!"
Bro after like one month of this shit I literally just started thinking, "oh it's that one moron again" and nothing was ever hurtful ever again. You have to realize there's a point where someone has made themselves look so stupid and unlikeable you don't care what they think so it's sort of like. Oh woo hoo you called me ugly and fat, got any new material? Like I don't even have to think "oh gosh I'm so ugly and gross and I feel bad cause they said that" I just think "oh wow potshots at my appearance, yeah that's what I would expect someone of your intelligence to say"
I just. Can I just be blunt and say this wasn't even good trolling. It was annoying but they were so blatantly bad at it literally everyone just looked at the kind of shit they posted and immediately called them unhinged. There wasn't a coherent enough effort here to ever actually do any real damage, not to my personal life or my social reputation. I'm literally coming out of this just as clean as I went in. Like shit you really could have tried to dig in on that "look what she said to this poor widdle baby" angle but you just went full retard sending me literal actual paragraphs saying the most basic of insults. Yeah wow there was really ever a chance people were going to seriously believe you, sure
It's just kinda. Yeah. I know I already said this but I can't get over, my end of this is opening my inbox and deleting shit and nothing more, i may answer stuff and discuss it but nothing is happening to me and im not "doing anything back". Meanwhile they were literally making blogs, maintaining covers, trying to stalk me, stalking my mutuals, found pictures of my family, were sending pictures of my family to other people.... but claim THEY made ME look stupid, that I'M entertaining for THEM. OK. I guess that's the level of genuine delusion you have to operate on to even start this shit to begin with
But uh yeah to finish your point I actually had a great day at work and got a good raise recently so I'm doing OK :) I've been uh, you know, working on drafts and maybe someday one of them will see the light haha. If I ever need a pick me up I can always tell myself, "at least I never did anything as stupid as THIS"
#like what were you even trying to do. it wasnt even annoying aftwr a while it was very easily dealt with#sorry this keeps coming back guys i just. i had to share them saying everything was a lie holy shit like everythijg everything#doxxingdrama
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7 8 10
Ahhh the joys of reblogging multiple ask games with numbered questions within a day and not being able to tell which one is the current subject <3 (this just means you're getting the answers to six questions instead of three! Plus I'm bored and I don't mind lol)
7. Share a line or paragraph that you don't think will ever actually be posted in anything! (Or, if you don't hoard cut sentences and paragraphs like I do, share anything you want that has yet to see the light of day!)
Prefacing this by saying I know that Jake is implicitly an only child in canon. Counter argument, shut up /j oldest child syndrome made worse by absent parents. My defense:
Alana kept her voice as level as she could, despite her frustration. "Can you be an adult for just a couple minutes, please?"
A fist hit the table. "I've had to be the adult since I was thirteen!"
Alana startled at the harsh constriction in Jake's voice, his once casual and flippant demeanor turning so fast that it just about gave her whiplash.
A mirthless laugh choked Jake as he threw a hand out. "Criminal parents fucking off to who knows where all the time meant that someone needed to grow up! Someone needed to be responsible and make sure that the kids were happy and safe! And sometimes-"
His voice wavered, breath shaking as he looked off at the wall instead of at Alana.
"Maybe sometimes I just wanna be a kid. Get excited about Kiddie Land. Go down a Giant Slide. Just," he gave a hopeless shrug, "pretend things aren't so fucked up, at least for a little while. Long enough to not... burn out on being the adult, right when I really need to be."
—Tales From the Lagniappe
This is really rough atm but hopefully it gets the point across dbdjebdh
8. Is there a story idea that you would love if it could appear fully realized but that you do not think you'll ever write yourself?
Halo au would be fun. I say, as if I have a real Story in mind for it besides a couple scenes and Vibes lmao. I have so many Concept stories that I just never actually touch in any meaningful way, hell it's a miracle if I ever doodle anything for them.
10. If you could banish a single trope to live at the bottom of the ocean, never to be seen by any human eyes (or at least your own), which trope would that be?
The simple fact that I don't know by virtue of not reading super often goes to show that I don't feel strong negative emotions about any particular trope (and that im not adventurous lmao /hj.) Anything can be executed beautifully or terribly.
I once criticized coffee shop and adjacent aus for being nothing burgers by (generally, i can think of at least one exception) ending after character A gives B their number, but like? I don't have enough vitriol to cast such aus into the ocean lol, they can stay
7. A fic of yours you think is underrated?
Besides my 4 year old coping-with-quarantine project that spiraled into almost 330k words of length and became So Personal, probably Joyride. I blame its lack of attention on the fact that I just shat out a one-sentence summary and assumed that would be enough for those that had already read Weakness lol (hi becca)
8. What's the best summary you've come up with?
The fact that the L2C summary was so long that it wouldn't fit into ao3's character limit (but that it wasn't long enough/was too summarizey to be its own chapter or part of the prologue) and had to be broken into the summary and beginning notes goes to show how much I cared about making it Perfect™️ lol
10. Do you read your own fics for fun?
Not super often but yeah! Usually as a post-upload riding the high ya know? Swallow Up Your Heart of Gold actually keeps popping into my brain and I gotta get a hit of that sweet sweet hurt/comfort <3
In fact I would often reread rps that a friend and I did so get that same hit
I'm lonely and touch starved I bet you couldn't tell
#asks#mj says shit#writing#fanfic#left 2 chill#be more chill#dear evan hansen#jake dillinger#alana beck#the origin of me coming up with oldest kid jake was So Dumb and yet i got So Attached#if anyone wants to unlock that lore im down to share it
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XIAO BRAINROTS
honestly, all of these are your fault, fischl anon. and i don't really care lmao, i love you for sending me those brainrots. you gave me xiao brainrot and he won't get out of my mind. i had to write finals with xiao in my head. i do not regret however lmao-
in this post // modern au!xiao, xiao through space and time, asmr creator!xiao, pro-gamer!xiao, model!xiao, relucant influencer!xiao, bodyguard!xiao, anxious!xiao, racer!xiao
MODERN AU!XIAO, inspired by these asks from fischl anon.
childe, hu tao and xiao as trio. they reek of chaos and xiao is a chaos child too. he's a little gremlin, of course he's a creature of chaos. they bring the worst and best out of each other, they become inseparable, always close to each other. this is connected with bullied!xiao and antisocial!xiao, because he's an insecure little bean, trying to do his best, to achieve the highest he can and yet it's not enough. but to childe and hu tao, he'll always be enough <3
XIAO THROUGH SPACE AND TIME, inspired by my own post.
xiao accepts his end, peacefully and relieved he found out the truth about his friend. closing his eyes, he is prepared for his death, finally putting his tormented soul to rest.
but the universe says no to xiao's end, his death and final rest, and so he shoots through space and time, guided by the fantastic compass and thrown into different universes, where his adventure continues.
ASMR CREATOR!XIAO, inspired by one of my drafts and listening to asmr the past week to calm tf down 🫡
xiao who started listening to asmr when he was stressed, the soft sounds helping to calm his racing mind. it puts him to ease and it helped him imensly through stressful times during school. slowly, he dived deeper, finding new asmr creators, the famous and unknown ones, listening to his favourites.
and one day he thinks, what if I do this too? can i give others too the calmness they have given me? soft xiao please yes i beg omfg and he gets a microphone, one of the best and he thinks it's worth the spent money. he buys brushes of all kinds, and all the other materials one needs for an asmr.
he doesn't talk on his videos, nor does he show his full face. he's not comfortable with that, not yet, and films his first videos. he stuggles in the beginning, but slowly and steadily he gets the hang of it and uploads every few days. calling himself golden_alatus, he also starts an instagram and tiktok account, fully knowing he won't grow over night.
people flock to him, to golden_alatus, for his asmr are always slow and calm, the ambience calming them down and there is no rush. he answers every comment, thanking for the support and trying the new things out his followers suggest. they love him for it and while xiao himself still counts to the smaller amsr creators, he is a treasured one.
PRO-GAMER!XIAO, inspired by this answer rant and this one to fischl anon's brainrot.
a well known gamer, around 5mio subscribers on yt and even more on twitch, all rounder- CoD, Fortnite, Val, ACNH, Genshin Impact, Minecraft, literally everything. alatus is a pro-gamer and he loves to share his love for games. oddly enough, he has even more followers on instagram, some could even say he‘s an influencer too, he is a beauty after all. people who don’t even watch him gaming, follow his insta just to look at his pretty face. i can relate <3
MODEL!XIAO, inspired by… xiao being pretty.
pretty eyes, pretty face, pretty man. xiao is just pretty and a very famous model. his face is plastered everywhere, everyone wants the otherworldly adepti to model with their products, be it make-up, clothes or other things. oh yes, thanks to xiao, men wear make-up more often, simplistic yet still making a statement red eyeliner and lashes to heaven hell yes
RELUCTANT INFLUENCER!XIAO, inspired by this long ass rant on fischl anons ask again.
xiao is a pretty boy, pretty but very shy. he loves photography and one of his projects was to represent himself in self portraits. he doesn't like to be in pictures, yet he did it. it scored him one of the highest grades in class and he felt so proud. this is why he posted it on his instagram account, and regretted it seconds later. but his friends talked him out of it, and he left the pics on his account- not knowing he would go viral.
after that, and a big mental breakdown, he started posting regularly, pics he took, selfies (showing like,,, half of his face or only his eye) and the current outfit he's wearing. xiao is now an influencer. he definitely won't say no to the extra money, but he's still very nervous about the fact he has now 3 million followers on instagram.
BODYGUARD!XIAO, inspired by the stone which brought the whole brainrot rolling. i blame you fischl anon. here is another link
bodyguard!xiao, hidden lover!xiao. yes, these two paired together... attentive lover!xiao, gift giver!xiao... just... xiao. he will protect you with his live and give you his heart- he has already done it. and you will treasure it, just like everything he has given to you.
ANXIOUS!XIAO, inspired by the very same stone as above.
xiao is very anxious and takes it out on his weapon or clothes. fearing losing his position as the newest yaksha and additon to rex lapis. his hands always fidget, trying to do something, to hold something, reminding him he's here, here with his master. he matters, of course he knows that, but sometimes his thoughts get too loud and he spirals. holding and feeling his spear, gifted by his new master, helps him, helps to ground him. it's not healthy, not on this level, and he tries working on it, but sometimes, he just can't help it.
RACER!XIAO, inspired by seeing a green racing car. don't come at me.
xiao getting high on adrenaline, the feeling of rush racing with his car, yes, illegally, xiao will and can race illegally driving against others and winning high sums of money. it's not the rush of winning, it's the rush of driving- of the freedom, doing the forbidden thing.
this can and will be connected with tattooed!xiao, confident!xiao, flirty!xiao, bisexual!xiao. he will flirt even more after he got his rush of adrenaline, pupils blown and rapid heart beat.
ASTRANNE 2022
#genshin impact#genshin xiao#xiao brainrot#modern au xiao#genshin modern au#xiao#xiao x you#xiao x reader#because yes#genshin impact xiao#adeptus xiao#xiao genshin impact#xiao genshin#xiao brainrots#genshin brainrot#🌚 knowing moon
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{2022生2月} February Screenshots // Spirit & Strife Zine
I watched Advent Children 5 times between end 2021- beginning 2022 and practiced on his outfit before finally deciding to draw CC Cloud instead. I usually tackle full-bodies for zines, it was a pleasant change to paint a portrait for once~
These are wip-screenshots from both painting and standee I designed (I think they look really cool, I’m happy to share hehe)! This standee is the first piece of merchandise I ever made and it holds a very special place in my heart! Thank you very much for the opportunity ♥ !!
I am currently uploading the timelapse of the painting and I should get to uploading the standee BTS once my package arrives *crosses fingers!* I’ve been keeping for so long, but I’d love to have the entire experience of traditonal-to-digital-to-final_product in one video so I’ll hold for as long as it needs..! ☆ UPDATE FURTHER DOWN, the video is mADE!!
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As a surprise for being here, here’s the little eerie edit I ended up inserting in the timelapse as an add-on
I had 2 files corrupted while working on this. I don’t remember what happened anymore (let me check discord).
..
right
I don’t remember mentioning if I lost any work, but I will assume I lost a couple of hours (+2hrs of trying to restart my pc and make it work again 💀).. Gladly this time there was a very pleasant recovery file which I duplicated and feared every time I saved in PS //cries
Unfortunately file corruptions occur more often now, that's my signal that my poor pc needs an upgrade (who can afford one in this economy??? Prolong the lives of your machines, friends!). I'll live in fear and 5 backup files until I decide my hardware hates anything above 5000px+ files and I go smaller (which is not happening, sorry friend, we'll have to keep being fried a little longer.. hang in there..)
[9月2日Update] I have uploaded the second (and final) timelapse with a little assembly video at the end and some extras~
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I have the habbit of working at least x2 bigger in file than what goes into print. First lesson learned was this is unnecessary in merch-making of small sizes (I actually worked x3~4 times bigger and it shows in the video why it was a bad idea //wheeze) especially since my lineart is very thin and it gets lost if shrinked. I’ve watched so many merch-making vlogs in the past years, print-test got drilled in my brain and forced myself to test it at least once (gotta be professional about it, right? ;3) It wasn’t too early on, but it was early enough to change the composition of the piece as it set realistic expectations to what would work out or not (the size was so important, I hadn’t realised it would shrink so much because I obviously read very well and was fully aware of the OG size provided by the lovely mods). From the original design to the final I made a lot of changes and I was too obsessed with the meteor to let go. I cut at least 5mins (already sped-up) of me trying to lineart it and failing miserably so I switched back to PS and did it there. I cannot watch my own timelapse anymore without feeling dread and bored lmao, my convolution makes my skin crawl, so meticulous.. If it’s interesting to anyone I’ll be happy, if not then I am not surprised, I am not either! It made a beautiful base regardless, so it was worth it~ On a final note, no I did not 100% forget what kind of idea I had for the flaming buster sword (the meteor was supposed to reflect-in-tiny over it) and completely ignored my initial sketch to polish something I wasn’t sure what it was. It works out in the end so we’re good ok.
If there’s one thing I am taking from working on this is; don’t experiment when merch-making, it will make your life so much easier to stick to a process but knowing myself this is not happening. It’s just not me lol //runs
I am in denial that the zine is finally wrapping up.. It’s been such a wonderful experience sharing the Cloud love between us (for ~7 months?? time flies ;;;;;;!!) //is emotional.. I am very grateful and honoured to be part of this wonderful project ♥ thank you everyone for your lovely company during this time ;; I will always hold our little chit-chats and cloud-love-sharing dearly in my heart. Mod team, you are STELLAR and I hope one day our roads cross again💫!! ---
Thank you for making it this far 🌦️
Leftover sales will be up soon, so follow @strifezine // Spirit & Strife zine as it’s your last chance of grabbing a copy or merch item if you missed out on the first round!
#digjsketch#digisketch#digitalsketch#screenshotception#screenshotbsession#myart#ffvii#ffviicc#ff7cc#crisis core cloud#cloud strife
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just heard news of the Wilds cancellation :( i’m truly devastated, and i found this to be really unexpected. i honestly thought we were getting a renewal. What are your thoughts on it? also, please tell us you’ll still write for leatin and create new fics regardless of the cancellation! that will be the only thing to keep me going; leatin fics
While I started answering this ask, another came through that I'm just gonna tack on here so I don't have to write two different things:
sooooooo liv how are you feeling about the cancellation? i guess it wasn’t a huge surprise
My friend texted it to me and I was like well there's the excuse I was looking for to drink tonight lmao. I'm not sure I have coherent, fully formed thoughts yet, but I'll try. I'm surprised but like...I'm also not? I was shocked for 10 seconds and then I was like ah well the fandom seemed to hate s2 anyway. Which is unfortunate because I enjoyed it, and this show had a lot of potential. To me, this means Leatin is canon and no one can take that from me now by forcing a hetero relationship down my throat.
I can't wait to see what Sarah and Sophia do next (and all the girls, of course, and I wanna know wtf is up with minicarlos). I'm sure they've all got bright futures, and I'm excited for that.
To be completely honest, I've been drifting away from writing fic. I've been editing and uploading what I have ready to go, but I'm about to start a new job. I feel like some of the pressure I've put on myself to write a ridiculous amount is gone now, and we'll see what happens.
Today I've been editing the fic slated to go out after the Star Wars AU wraps up, and that fic, for me, will fill the slot that canon takes up in my brain. Because now it'll be fully canon compliant. I'm fully in charge of Leatin's destiny now, and canon cannot tell me otherwise.
I think that's all I've got for now. Might have to sit with this for a bit, but if anyone wants to share thoughts with me, I'd be happy to hear them. I'm not on fandom Twitter personally, so I have almost no clue what's going on
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The Artist Tag by @morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy
Rules: Show us a rendition of yourself in your own art! Can be anything! Sims render? Random stick figure? Picrew? Go nuts! (Just be sure to tag the artist if you use someone else’s picrew!!!!) Tag the blogs you want to know, and don’t be a dick that’s it! Also, feel free to answer as vague or in-depth as you want. And if you don’t want to answer a question for any reason just don’t vibe with it! Skip it if you wanna!
Thanks @bakersimmer for tagging me bb 💕
1. Do you prefer to be referred to by your name or blog name?
I really don't mind either. People call me lots of things (Mainly Divlly) so call me whatever you wish.
2. Where are you from?
USA, Utah.
3. Do you have pets? 👀
I have an English bulldog puppy.
4. Tell us about your “dream”.
My ultimate dream is to be an archeologist and travel the world with my future husband/wife and forcefully make my friends come along. (((:
However, because it would cost all of my organs and more to do that, my "reasonable" dream is to just have a career that I don't dread, a loving partner and (maybe???) family with a nice house and a studio or office for myself.
5. Aside from art, what are your hobbies?
Video games (obviously), Cooking, Paleontology and writing.
6. Does anyone irl know about your blog?
Nope.
7. Do you know anyone from your blog irl?
No, unfortunately.
8. What are some fun facts about you?
Other than what I've already stated about myself, I'm quite the collector. I have lots of figures and other small trinkets that I like to collect. Eventually, I want to have a big display case to display everything.
I love puzzles and working out my brain.
I'm an mmo addict degenerate.
9. What’s your day job?
Currently working towards becoming an Insurance CSR.
10. Do you have a celebrity look alike?
Nah.
11. What’s your aesthetic?
Goth, Punk, Fantasy, Metal, Snakes, Green. Idk, whatever that is put together lmao.
12. What kind of artist are you?
I mainly do traditional painting/drawing, but I dabble with digital when I want to challenge myself. Now, editing is something I'm starting to dabble into.
13. How did you get into your form of art?
I used to do avatar pictures for IMVU every once in awhile back in the day. Given, they were shit, but I still enjoyed doing so. Luckily, some of my techniques have stuck. Other than that, idk. I just do what I like.
14. What do you watch/listen/read/anything else while you create?
I mainly listen to music. The music depends on what type of piece I'm doing. Example, if I'm doing some editing on a sim, I listen to music that I think that sim would listen to. It helps me put together the overall aesthetic of the piece.
15. What is your favorite of your own creations so far?
Well I've only uploaded 1 thing so far, so I guess this.
16.) How would you describe your art style?
I don't think I could describe it. I like to attempt a lot of different styles but with my own taste.
17. What is more satisfying to you coloring or outlining?
Coloring 100%. Shading and coloring is my favorite part. Outlining can bite me. 🧛♀️
18.) What meme would you use to describe yourself?
youtube
19. What character from any media form do you most identify with?
Uh, I don't think I really relate to any character
20. If you were on the run, what would you change your name to?
Juniper Thorn
21. Have you ever or do you want to change blog names?
Many times. Not because I dislike it, but because it's taken on other platforms and I wanted to post things on instagram and things like that. I've tried changing it before, but nothing sticks like simdiv does.
22. God forbid Tumblr decides to pull a MySpace and lets us have page songs, what song would you choose?
Bitches Brew - ††† (Crosses)
23. Did you understand those references or did you have to look them up? (I’m fully aware I’m ancient, but are you?)
I understood them. Though I'm only 21, I had some older cousins and even a few younger friends my age that had it. My childhood best friends brother was MySpace famous. 😆 (I skipped the top 8 question)
25. One last question; why are you like that?
IDK MAN it's probably the trauma + me just not caring
I don't really know who to tag tbh so if you see this and like it, say I tagged you. 😘
#artist tag#tag#I don't like this edit#I couldn't figure out how to do what I wanted#So I did something different#WHATEVERRR#ts4 edit#ts4#s4 edit#simself
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The Bodyguard.
PAIRING: Guillermo Sollima x Black reader.
SUMMARY: In the midst of a gang war, you, the daughter of a cartel boss must be moved for your safety. Your father hired a bodyguard for you to protect you during the journey. You just never expected to ever fall for the man …
WARNING: NSFW*** angst, graphic violence, kidnapping, age-gap (over 21), sex.
WORD COUNT: 7.9K
NOTE: This was a piece that I wrote during my wattpad days. I had a massive crush on Benicio Del Toro and I still do, it’s just lowkey lol. I decided to upload this specifically for @anbanananna. She keeps the flame going. PS: I wrote this a very long time ago so it is a bit cringe lmao, please spare me.
The birds chirped lovingly outside of her windows as she woke up that beautiful Saturday morning. The sun was high up in the sky and clear of any type of clouds. It instantly put her in high spirits as YN got ready for her day. She moved swiftly around her spacious bedroom as she moved from her bathroom to her closet to her vanity table. There was no reason whatsoever for YN to get so dressed up but she just felt like doing so. After putting her hair into a high ponytail, she grabbed her phone and left her room. Her spaghetti flower print summer dress flowed behind her as she walked down the stairs and headed towards the kitchen.
She could hear commotion from one wing of the house but she didn't want to bother herself with that. When she entered the kitchen she saw Ramon and his staff working on cooking breakfast but Jade did not feel like waiting. She sat at the kitchen islet and waited.
"Good morning Miss YN." Ramon greeted her.
"Good morning Ramon. What are you serving for breakfast?"
"Today it is going to be very simple, between pancakes and waffles."
"Easy choice. Can I have some waffles please?"
"With all of the toppings?"
"Extra maple syrup please." YN smiled at him before he left her. As she sat at the islet, she scrolled through her phone, replying to her friend's messages and her social media catching up on the latest gossip. As she did so, she didn't notice her father enter the room.
"Good morning mija." He greeted as he placed a kiss onto her forehead.
"Morning papa." She replied to him as he sat beside her.
"How are you feeling?" He asked her.
"I'm good. Just waiting on Ramon to make my breakfast. Theresa is coming by later to pick me up so we go hangout with our friends." YN told her father about her day.
"I need to talk to you before you leave."
"Okay papa."
After that, her father left her alone. She was a bit worried about what he wanted to talk about because most of the time, he would just tell her out front. Rafael Estes was her father.
Rafael Estes, the most feared and most powerful drug lord in Mexico was her father. Her mother was his favourite mistress. He never hid their relationship but when she got pregnant with YN, she left Mexico and moved to Brazil. They stayed there until nine years and her mother became ill. Rafael came to their rescue. He moved them back to Mexico and took care of her and her mother until she passed away five years later. YN wasn't his only child but she was the only one who still lived with him. She was twenty-two and she could have left already but she was too close to her father to just leave. She didn't want to take over his empire, that was up to her older brothers to deal with.
YN tried to live her life as normal as possible and that's why she kept her mother's surname. The two didn't even look alike but when they were standing next to each other, you could see the relation. She did all the things girls her age do. She was enrolled into a private university and she had a group of friends and they all knew who her father was. To be honest it was kind of hard to hide because wherever she was, there were some guards around. They never shadowed her but they were always in the background of where she was except when she was at university.
When she finished her breakfast, she went to get her bag and when she entered the hallway leading to her father's office, it was littered with some of his workers. They all respectfully greeted as she passed by. Her father's office door was wide open so she just stepped in. She noticed a man standing in front of her father's desk. From the back she could tell that he was decked out in high tech gear. Instantly, her mind began to race.
"Papa." She spoke, causing both of the men's heads to face her. The first thing she noticed were his hazel eyes. Followed by his rugged, rough beard that was thicker around his pink lips than on his cheek bones. His black hair was pushed back in a messy kind of way that looked like he continuously ran his hand through it. She blushed when he smirked slightly.
She had been staring at him for a bit too long. "Mija sit down."
YN did as she was instructed. Her body was still nerved by the man standing behind her.
"You know I would have never called you in here if I didn't think the issue was serious." She nodded her head. "I never want to stress you with my business but I've been put in a position where I need to let you know some things."
"Is everything okay Papa?"
"Things will be baby. Right now I'm in the midst of a drug war with the Medellin cartel. It's getting a bit too dangerous so I'm going to have to make sure that you aren't caught in the crossfire." He said. "The man behind you is Guillermo Sollima and I've hired him to protect you as he takes somewhere safe."
"What about you?"
"I'll be okay."
"I can't lose you too." YN felt like crying as the realisation began to sink in.
"And you won't mija. But I cannot in good conscience let you stay here knowing people are coming to look for me. I'd rather you bury me and I bury you if the time comes."
"Why can't you come with me?"
"Because these boys think they can run me away and take over my territory. As a good leader, I stick with my men no matter what it is." Rafael said. "The maids have already packed some of your clothes. You need to leave today ...."
Everything was so sudden and YN sat in the chair as she tried to come to terms with what she was being told. It was like everything was in slow motion. She didn't even know when she got out of the seat and found herself walking back to her room. She got dressed in something more comfortable and she kept her hair in her ponytail. She packed some reading books to keep herself entertained. She messaged her friends that they wouldn't be able to talk to her for a while and none of them questioned her and after she turned off her phone.
After an emotional goodbye with her father, she got into the car and they drove away. As she was sitting in the back as tears silently fell, Guillermo watched her through the rear view mirror.
"Everything will be alright." He spoke to her for the first time. She looked at him to find his striking hazel eyes already on her.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because you've got me."
.
And he was right. As they traveled through the length of Mexico towards its south border, there was no trouble. Well there was no trouble that ever came close to YN. Guillermo kept her well away from it. There were times that he would come back to where they were staying with cuts and bruises and she tended to them. Those were their bonding times. He wasn't much of a talker but when he did, she enjoyed hearing his voice. He told her stories of his endeavours across the globe as a service man for the CIA. He didn't hide the fact that he was a contracted assassin for them. He wasn't on any side of the law. He was on the side that paid him the most money. And her father had paid him in the millions to make sure that she got to his private island off the coast of South Argentina.
They were now in Brazil. YN spent most of her days with the locals in the market or in the little apartment they were renting out. They were only supposed to stay for a few days but it had been more than a week now. Guillermo told her that he was having a little bit of trouble with looking for transport but he was working on it. Even though he didn't tell her. but she had noticed that whenever she left the apartment, she had noticed that there were eyes that would watch over her.
Today, she didn't feel like leaving so when she woke up, she took a shower and cooked some breakfast. She looked towards Guillermo's room and she didn't hear anything. She didn't want to disturb him just in case he was in there sleeping. She placed his plate into the microwave and went to sit by the television. She was so engrossed in her show that she didn't hear the front door open and Guillermo stepped into the room.
"Morning YN." He spoke. Jade placed her plate onto the table and turned around.
"Morning G." She greeted him with a smile. But it quickly faltered when she saw him clutching onto his side. "What's wrong?"
"I got into a little fight. It's okay."
"You look hurt." YN rose to her feet and went towards him. He knew not to protest against her because she would just keep on persisting that she help until he let her. He sat down on the couch and as he gingerly took off his shirt, YN grabbed the first aid kit and came back to him.
"You've been in too many fights since we got here. That's not good Guillermo." She scolded him as she began to clean up his wound. It wasn't deep but it still drew a lot of blood.
"I'm sorry mama." He playfully replied. She looked at him through her lashes and those piercing hazel eyes were staring down at her. "Someone said something I didn't like and I just had to set them straight."
"What did they say?"
"You wouldn't want to know. It was disrespectful to you." After that they didn't speak any further until she fully cleaned and covered his wound.
"Well thank you for defending my honour." She told him as she lightly traced the now bandaged wound. Her fingers aimlessly began to trace his tattoo that was on the side of his torso.
"No problem." He mumbled softly. Her touch was affecting him in ways he couldn't explain. He didn't want to openly admit that he was attracted to her but in his mind he kept repeating that she was too young for him. YN didn't seem to care because there were times where they would mindlessly flirt and she seemed to always give in. He stopped the hand that was tracing his tattoo and her eyes averted back to his.
"I'm sorry." She whispered softly.
"It's okay." He told her. He didn't want to let go of her hand. It was so soft in his. She bit onto her lip when she noticed their closeness. Every part of her was telling her to close that gap and kiss him but she didn't want to make the first move.
They didn't need to speak as their bodies did the speaking for them. Guillermo placed his hand on her cheek and caressed her skin with the pad of his thumb. YN found herself shifting her position and sitting on the back of her legs to be closer to his face. She held onto his hand as she waited for him. But it looked like he was waiting for her to consent verbally.
"Please." She whispered softly. Guillermo finally closed the gap between the two and laid his lips onto hers. She didn't expect them to be so soft but they were. Like marshmallows. His mouth tasted like menthol with the slightest hint of nicotine. He held the back of her neck as his tongue invaded her mouth and it caused her to moan softly. Guillermo dominated over her and she found herself getting weak. Their breathing became heavier as their kiss intensified. She was still mindful of his wound but he didn't seem to care as he pulled her onto his lap causing her to gasp.
Without giving her room to breath, Guillermo deepened the kiss. He would nibble on her bottom lip, suck on her tongue and squeeze on her body. She felt like risking it all. Her thighs clenched as he slowed down the kisses. His grip on her neck was still there as he kept her in place.
When he finally pulled away, her chest was heaving up and down as she tried to calm down. Her inner thigh was pressing against his length and she could feel it harden underneath her.
"Your breakfast." She was still struggling for breath as she laid her forehead against his. "Your breakfast is in the microwave." She mumbled as she blushed softly.
"Thank you." He replied, licking his lips, savouring her taste. She didn't want to move so she just stayed on his lap causing him to chuckle. YN squealed as he stood up and wrapped her legs around his waist. "Since you didn't want to move."
YN giggled as she placed her head in his neck. Their relationship had now reached other heights and she didn't want to change a thing.
Her bodyguard was now more than that .....
YN couldn't believe how beautiful Uruguay was. They were at the border of the country with Argentina. Being that Uruguay was a safer country, YN didn't need to hide her face or be cooped up in the apartment. For the two days, she had spent most of her time, getting supplies upon supplies, from canned foods to toiletries. Once they entered Argentina, they wouldn't stop travelling, only to get some sleep, a shower and hot food until they got to the south. The journey was going to be long but YN couldn't wait until she reached her father's island. She was now wearing her natural hair and had no false nails anymore. She also stopped wearing makeup and she felt so good.
Guillermo was sitting on the floor as he cleaned his weapons and packed his ammunition. Luckily enough, YN had not been exposed to any type of gun fire but she knew that he had definitely killed some people for her protection because he often came back with bruised knuckles and a black eye a few times. Her growing attraction to him did not stop, it only intensified. He was leaning against the wall, dressed in a white vest top and his trousers. He was sharpening his knife when he finally looked up and smiled when he saw her looking at him. She was laid on her side on the couch in a soft flowing summer dress.
“Come here.” He said softly as he placed his weapons down and pushed them away at a good distance. YN got up from her seat and to where he was on the floor. She clutched on the sides of her dress as she lowered down onto his lap. Once she was situated, she wrapped her arms around his neck as his arms came to her neck.
"What's wrong mi amor?" He asked her as his thumbs caressed her back.
"I just wanted your touch." She replied as she pulled him up closer to her face which caused him to chuckle.
"All you had to do was ask baby." He mumbled as his lips tickled hers. YN bit onto her lip. No guy had ever made her feel the way Guillermo made her feel. So many times she had chucked it to the fact that they were in isolation together but the feelings she was getting for the man seemed far deeper. This man was risking his life for her protection. But it wasn't just a job anymore. He was doing this because he cared for her and he wanted to see her safe from danger. He knew that they were far from it but he could never be too sure with her father's enemies. The private island was heavily guarded and he knew getting her there she would be out of harm's way.
She dropped her head shyly onto his shoulder. Guillermo placed soft kisses on her skin. He hooked his finger onto the strap of her dress and brought it down. His beard tickled her skin but she enjoyed the feeling. His other hand began to inch her dress further up until his hand was underneath her dress and playing on the hemline of her underwear. YN bit onto her lip as she ran her hand through his hair.
"Please Guillermo." She asked him as she thrusted her hips forward softly onto his fingers. He placed his forehead onto hers as he pushed her underwear to the side and began to rub on her clit. She moaned as her eyes fluttered close.
“Tell me what you want love.” He whispered into her ear as he inched one finger into her.
“I want to feel all of you.” She whispered to him which caused him to groan softly. He pulled down the rest of her dress so that it pooled onto her waist. He leaned forward as he captured her lips. He nibbled onto her bottom lip as he entered his tongue into her mouth. She whimpered as he began to finger her at a steady pace. His fingers were skilled and she could quickly feel her orgasm rising. Guillermo tore his lips away from hers and popped her nipple into her mouth. He yearned for the moment that she would be like this in his arms. He focused on all of the love faces that she made. The tremble of her lips and the scrunch at the corner of her eyes. He loved seeing the way her lips would shape to make those sweet moans that he enjoyed hearing.
"I'm going to cum." She moaned as she grabbed onto the fabric of his shirt and rode his fingers faster. His fingers curled and pressed onto her spot and the other squeezed her ass. "Fuck!" YN cussed as her walls squeezed his fingers, trapping them inside of her. She cried out his name as she exploded all around his fingers. He pulled them out and she took his hand and began licking his fingers clean as she stared deeply into his eyes. It was then when she felt his hardened length underneath the softness of her thigh. Guillermo took his fingers out of her mouth and replaced them with his tongue. He moaned against her lips as the taste of her invaded his taste buds. He stood up with her in his arms and walked to the bedroom with their lips still in contact. When he laid her down, stripping her clothes, his lips and hands were never far from the sweet spots. Guillermo stopped for a while to strip his clothing. YN took in all of his scaring and thought that he was beautiful anyway. He got onto the bed and in between her legs. Facing her beautiful pink pussy budding like a rose, he leaned down and ran his tongue up from her slit to her clit and he did it over and over.
"Oh my god." YN moaned as her eyes closed and she fell onto the bed. Guillermo ate her out like he had not eaten in days. He would pay close attention to her clit, sucking into his mouth and slobbering onto it. He thrusted his tongue into her core and wiggled it. It was all too much for her but she didn't dare pull away from him. In fact, she kept his head in between her legs.
"Oh fuck!" She squealed as her legs shook from her impending orgasm. Her eyes were beginning to cross as her whole body convulsed. Without any warning, she came into his mouth. But he didn't stop. It deepened his hunger. He gripped her thighs and continued licking her. Her clit was extremely sensitive and he used that to his advantage.
She struggled for air as she tugged on his hair and the sheets.
"Baby." She breathlessly let out as her third orgasm was triggered.
"Let it all out sweetheart.” He groaned, biting onto her inner thigh as he replaced his tongue with his fingers. Even though her mouth was wide apart, no noise came out but her cream coated her fingers. Determined to draw another orgasm out of her, he got onto his knees and held one of her legs apart as he thrusted his fingers into her faster and faster.
"Oh shit!" She exclaimed. "Fuckkkk! Papi wait!" She gasped as the strong urge to pee gripped her.
"I'm gonna squirt." She told him and tried to push his hand away but he wrapped his arm around her throat and looked into her eyes.
"Cum." He demanded. YN's eyes rolled to the back of her head as she splashed onto his fingers.
"Yeah, that's it. Make a mess." He told her as her thighs shook in the aftermath. He slapped her pussy which caused her to whimper. He hovered above her and she placed her hands onto his neck and brought him down to capture his lips. She moaned as the scent of her essence filled her nostrils. He held onto the calves of her legs as he dropped his bottom half so that his length was rubbing against her opening before he slowly entered into her and began to thrust at a steady pace.
He swallowed all of her moans. She felt so good. She was extremely wet and gushy. Every time he thrusted into her and pulled out, her cream coated his length. He groaned as she squeezed him tightly.
“So fucking wet. You’re taking me so well Princess.” He groaned as he pecked her lips. His words were turning her on. Hearing him being so vocal about made her smile because he was usually so quiet to the outside world.
"Fuck me harder Daddy." YN told him as she looked up into his eyes. She smirked as she saw his eyes darken. He laid down so that their chests were pressed together. He wrapped his hands around neck from the front and the back as he pounded into her harder and harder. He completely took her breath away. She had no words but she panted and held onto his arms, digging her nails into his skin.
"Is this what you want?" He huskily mumbled into her ear and then nibbled on her earlobe. "Me fucking you deep and hard like this."
"Yes Daddy! It feels so fucking good." She exclaimed. YN couldn't take it anymore but she wasn't going to give up now. "You're so fucking deep, I love it."
Guillermo sucked and nibbled on her skin, leaving marks where his lips touched. Her hands reached out gripping onto the pillows as his hands ran into her hair gripped on it as he fucked her harder and harder.
His thrusts were becoming sloppier and sloppier.
"You're going to cum baby? I feel you throbbing inside of me." She moaned seductively which caused him to grunt. She ran her hands down his back and squeezed his ass as she kissed all over his face as she rolled her hips. "Please cum." She whispered into his ear. "Please cum for me."
That was all it took for him to pull out and let his seed paint her thighs. As he came down, she wiped away the evidence and collapsed back onto the bed, completely sedated. Guillermo laid down beside her and placed a kiss onto her cheek. She turned around and kissed him.
"We leave in the morning." He told her which caused her to nod her head and then slowly but surely fell asleep …
—
Six men were circulating the apartment. They were all ready to enter the building. No words were spoken and as they nodded to each other and then began to walk closer to the entrance.
Three soft knocks came to the door and then a note was slid through the bottom of the door. Guillermo picked up the note and read it. Even though he should be panicked, he didn't need to worry. He had already packed the car, all he needed to do was wake up YN and leave. He put the silencer on the gun and enters the bedroom.
"Princess, wake up. We need to go now." He whispered urgently. YN was a light sleeper so when she heard his voice she got and put on her shoes. They walked hand in hand out of the apartment. Guillermo kept her behind his body as they slowly descended down the stairs. Just as they turned a corner, they were faced with a man in a mask. Guillermo placed the nose of the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger. Effortlessly, he took out two other men.
They ran out of the car and he pushed her into the car.
"Hide." He told her. She nodded her head and laid on the floor of the cab of the truck.
Guillermo turned round and went back to the building. When he got back into the building. He found the rest of the men all standing there. He shot one of them through the back of his head which grabbed the other two's attention. One of them punched Guillermo's hand which caused him to drop his gun however he quickly recovered as he poked the man's throat with four fingers, breaking his larynx and crushing his windpipe. As the man struggled to breath, Guillermo bent down and grabbed his gun, shooting the man in the knee and as he fell, a bullet went through his forehead. From the corner of his eye, he saw the last man standing reach for his gun. Guillermo, being quicker, grabbed his knife and threw it. It hit him right into the chest and he collapsed. Guillermo walked up to the man and shot him in between the eyes and then pulled out his knife, wiping the blood on the dead body's clothes.
He walked back out into the car and knocked three times. "YN, it's me."
YN sat up and unlocked the door. Guillermo got in and sat in the driver's seat as YN made her way onto the passenger's seat. "Did you see anybody else?" He asked her.
"No." She replied. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." YN leaned forward and pecked his lips. "Let's get out of here."
Without anything further, Guillermo put the keys into the ignition and turned on the engine. As they drove away Jada interlinked her fingers Guillermo's as they drove away ….
A Year Later ...
YN had woken up that morning and felt like she needed a swim. But not in the pool in the backyard of the house, she wanted to be in the water of the ocean. She put on a simple black swimsuit and made her way out to the beach. It was still the dawn of day and the birds were chirping. She was finally at peace. After months of trying to escape the clutches of her father's rivals, she had finally arrived at the private island. There were a few locals who stayed on it to maintain the place and they had quickly become their friends.
She had become accustomed to the island life and preferred it more than anything. The only thing she didn't like was the fact that as soon she got there, her father demanded for Guillermo. He wanted him back in Mexico for another job. YN didn't want him to leave but she had no control over him because his contract was with her father and not her. They made love all day and all night before he left.
That was about seven months ago and YN missed him terribly. He would sneak phone calls to her quite frequently but it wasn't the same. She wanted to be in his presence. To feel him underneath her fingertips and to hear his voice first hand and not through a phone. Because she missed him, she started causing trouble for the personal security guards she's had since his departure. YN was on her fifth one and she didn't care for him. She would often run away from the home and disappear somewhere off the island for hours. This would cause her father to panic and she'd edge him on to fire them. None of them could match up to Guillermo so she saw no reason for them to stick around.
After her swim, the sun was now in the sky and she walked back to the house. The only people that lived there were her father, the staff and a few of the body guards. She knew that by this time, the house would be alive and buzzing with activity.
"YN!" Her father yelled from the living room as she entered through the kitchen door.
"Yes Dad?" She replied.
"Come here for a second darling."
She walked to the living room and before she could greet her father, she saw Guillermo sitting on the couch. He was leaning forward onto his knees with his fingers intertwined between them. She had to stop herself from running forward and jumping onto him.
"What's this?" She asked.
Her father sighed as he got up from his seat and approached her. "I know that on your journey here, you grew used to having Guillermo around and that it wasn't in my best interest to take him away from you when you had grown to trust him. I know you kept rebelling because you didn't like the other guards that I brought in for you. So I've asked for Guillermo to come back."
YN smiled softly. "Thank you." He kissed the side of her head.
"I'll leave you too to rekindle then. Breakfast will be in thirty minutes."
"Okay."
Once her father was out of sight and far away, Yn was quick on her feet to go to him. He embraced her into his arms and held her close. One hand was on the back of her head whilst the other secured around her waist.
"I missed you so much." She sobbed softly. His cologne engulfed her senses and it felt so good to be in his arms again. He pulled away, just enough to look into her eyes.
"I missed you too." He smiled softly which caused her to smile. "I wish I could kiss you right now." He mumbled. YN bit onto her lip as she felt the same.
"I feel the same way. We should go somewhere. I know a place."
"What time do you want to go?"
"After breakfast. I spend most of my time out of the house. Papa will know I'm with you so he won't question it much."
"That's fine with me."
YN stood on her tip toes and placed a kiss dangerously close onto the corner of his lips. Afterwards she ran away up to her room which caused him to chuckle. Guillermo truly missed her.
It was later on in the day after breakfast did YN and Guillermo leave the compound. They drove to an isolated spot far south from the house. YN directed Guillermo through the woods on a dirt road and eventually came off the road. The further they drove in, the clearer the sound of water became. Soon enough a small waterfall came into view.
"Wow." Guillermo mumbled.
"Beautiful right?" YN smiled as she looked at his awestruck face. She took off her seatbelt and opened the door. "Come on then."
Guillermo followed her action, getting out of the car and locking it behind him. He watched as she stripped down to her bikini and dived in. Her body surfaced and she pushed her hair away from her face.
"You're not going to join me?" She asked smiling whilst biting onto her bottom lip. He took off his shoes and rolled up the bottom part of his trousers. He sat on a rock on the edge of the natural pool and dipped his feet in.
"Come on. I want you in here with me." She said as she swam towards him and got in between his legs. He looked down at her. The water dripped down her chest, following the curve of her breast. He licked his lips as he smiled down at her. She placed her hands on his thighs, pushing herself up so that she was closer to his face. She pecked his lips once and then again, until it became a full blown make-out session. She placed her hands on his cheeks, loving the feel of his beard underneath her fingers.
"Come in with me." She mumbled against his lips. YN moved away from him as got up and began discarding his clothes. Once he had stripped down to his bare body, YN untied her bikini and threw it beside him. He entered the pool and pulled her close. YN wrapped her hands around his neck as he held onto her thighs and wrapped her legs around his waist. She placed her forehead on his as her hands played with his hair.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
"I don't want you to ever leave me." She mumbled as she looked into his light green eyes.
"I won't." His hand came to her upper torso as he steadied her for him to enter into her. YN gasped as she tightened her hold onto him. Her head fell onto his shoulder as she adjusted to his size and began to slowly move on him.
"I love you so much." He whispered. YN took his face into her hands and kissed him lovingly. Their lips moved against each other, moulding together perfectly. Nothing compared to how she made him feel .....
On their way back onto the compound, they could see commotion. People were frantically running around
"What's going on?" YN questioned, her voice coming out softly.
Before anything else could be said, someone came running towards them. Guillermo slowed down the car and rolled his window down.
“Sir! We've been ambushed!”
“By who?”
“I don't know but they've taken the house!”
A fun shot rang out and blood splashed onto Guillermo's face causing YN to scream at the unexpected event. The man fell onto the ground as blood came oozing out of his mouth. Without further thought, Guillermo put the Jeep into reverse.
"Baby." YN voiced worriedly as he drove off the main road that led to the compound.
"Everything is going to be okay. I got-." Halfway through his sentence, the side of the Jeep was struck on his side. The vehicle spun off the road and came to a crashing stop in the bushes. Guillermo has taken most of the impact. His head was slumped over the steering wheel as blood trickled down his face. YN sobbed as she took off her seatbelt and moved to check on him.
"Guillermo can you hear me?" She asked as she felt for his pulse. He groaned in response which meant that he was still coherent.
"I'm going to try and get you out okay?" She announced. As she reached over to unplug his seatbelt, her passenger door opened. She turned to face who the person was that had opened the door. For a second, she had thought someone had come to help. But that all changed when they harshly grabbed her and began to roughly pull her out of the car.
"NO! LET GO!" She screamed as she held onto the handle above the door and tried to kick the stranger. But he was too strong and because of the crash, she was quite weak. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" She screamed and continued to scream.
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? PLEASE!"
"GUILLERMO!" She cried for him as they dragged her out of the car.
Guillermo could hear her pleading screams and agonising cries. He tried to move but he couldn't. His eyes opened but things were blurred. He tried to call out to her but his speech came out slurred.
"YYY-NN. YN." His eyes stayed open long enough to see the mystery man throw her into the back of a van and drive away. That was all that he remembered before he gave into the pain and blacked out ....
Guillermo was loading his shot gun as he sat in his car. It was hidden in the bushes about half a mile away from the compound where they were keeping YN. After he woke up after passing out, he found out that the remaining Estes cartel had saved him from the wreckage and they had gotten a doctor to patch him up. Even though he was told to rest, he wasn't going to lay down until YN was back by his side.
So he went looking for answers. The streets weren't speaking to him as he was being nice. But he was running out of time and patience. After catching one of the members of the rival gang running his mouth about the ambush, Guillermo was able to torture the information of where they were keeping her.
Normally he would be at ease but he was being fuelled by rage. All sorts of images of them touching and hurting YN were blocking his vision. He placed the shotgun on the passenger seat and checked his assault rifle and his pistol. His knife was strapped safely onto his leg. Once he was ready, he opened the door and made sure that all of his weapons were on him before he left his car.
Two guards were patrolling the main gate of the compound. They were sitting in front of the black iron gate on some deck chairs sharing a blunt. Their guns were on their sides.
"Look at this bitch though. Her pussy is so good. All them fat lips be hugging my dick nice." One of the guards said as he was holding his phone showing his partner a picture of one of his many companions. The partner laughed as he let out a cloud of smoke.
"Can I get with her? I'm tryna see if your words hold weight."
"Ahaha! Of course you can man." He took the blunt from his partner and as he was putting his phone away, he caught sight of a figure walking towards them.
The first guard frowned. "Who the fuck is that?" He asked as he sat up straight with his eyes focused on the walking figure. The second guard followed the sight of his friend and saw the man.
"I don't know. We weren't expecting any visitors today." He said as he stood up and picked up his gun ready to shoot. It was pointed towards the figure.
"Hey!" Then the second guard shouted as he kept his gun up. "Hey! You're not allowed here!"
When they saw that the man wasn't slowing down, the first guard scrambled to his feet, grabbing his gun. But it was too late for any type of action from the men. A rocket was now flying towards them. Before they felt the impact of the rocket head, they screamed loudly. It was inevitable. The rocketed came into contact with the iron gate and exploded.
As the rocket exploded after making contact with the gate, he threw the rocket launcher onto the floor and he took his HK416 into his hands and began to survey the area through the eyepiece as he jumped over the burning bodies. Once he saw that the coast was clear, he walked through the courtyard and bust open through the front door.
YN could hear the commotion in the house. After the explosion echoed through the house she knew something was going down. She hoped that it was Guillermo coming for her but they were in the midst of the drug wars, it could be anyone from the rival gangs attacking the compound.
Her hands were tied behind her back and her mouth was duct taped so that she couldn't make any noise and bring attention to herself. As gunshots rang through the air, YN thought about how she could escape the predicament that she was in.
For the past three days, she had been weak because of the accident prior to being held captive. Now that her energy had been restored, she was able to see and think clearly. Her eyes darted around the room to look anything sharp that she could use to cut the ropes. And to her luck she found shards of broken glass on the floor just below the boarded up window.
"Bingo." She mumbled to herself as she sat up on the mattress. She got up and walked to the window. She then got down onto her knees and picked up the biggest and thickest piece that she could find. Using it as a knife, using the technique that Guillermo had taught her, she cut herself out of the ropes.
.
In the foyer of the mansion, Guillermo was going through the gang members like a warm knife cutting through butter. Whilst he had one man in a chokehold, he was fighting another who was trying to fight him with a knife. As the man swiped for his face, Guillermo ducked down and punched the man in the stomach. As he doubled down, Guillermo took his pistol from his side and shot him in the head. He then shot the man that was in his arms twice in the chest and let him fall to the ground.
As he was about to walk up the stairs, he felt a bullet hit his chest. His body fell to the floor and he groaned as he felt the pain of the bullet through his bulletproof vest. He turned his body so that he could see the feet of his shooter. He shot at his knees. The man screamed as he fell to the floor. Guillermo shot him through the forehead. He rolled around the corner as he took the bullet off from the vest. He took some deep calming breaths as he loaded his gun and took an assault rifle from a deceased body on the floor. He checked the magazine and saw that it was still quite full.
He could hear the shouting of the men as they looked for him. He heard them going up the stairs which was perfect for him. He quickly got up to his feet and ran behind them and began shooting. The bodies all fell to the floor but Guillermo was still on high alert so as he began to yell for YN, his gun was still high up in position as he looked around making sure that no one was coming for him.
"YN!" She heard her name being yelled. It took her a moment to register his voice. She sat up from her mattress and ran to the door and began to bang on it.
"Guillermo! Baby I'm in here." She screamed as she made as much noise as she could to draw attention to herself. She could hear his footsteps getting faster and louder.
"YN?" She heard his voice on the other side of the door.
"I'm in here. I can't get out." She said.
"There's a padlock on the door. Step back a bit, I'm going to shoot at it."
"Okay." She took a few steps back and she covered her ears as she heard the fast rounds of bullets hit the door. Soon after she heard him kick the door open. Without waiting, she ran and jumped into his arms and captured his lips. He groaned softly as he wrapped his hands around her torso and held her close. He pulled away and laid his forehead on hers looking down into her eyes.
"Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" He asked as he placed his hands onto her face and looked for any type of bruising.
"I'm okay. They didn't do anything to me either than tie me up and put me in this room." She replied. "What about you?" YN asked as she noticed a black eye forming and that he was wincing a little bit.
"Don't worry about me." He gave her a small smile. "Let's get out of here." With that, he handed her his pistol and then took her hand into his.
As they made their way out, they scouted the rooms making sure that there was no one left. Guillermo walked into the kitchen and turned the gas stove on. Once they were outside and at a safe distance, Guillermo looked through the eyepiece to see his target of the stove through the window. He pulled the trigger and moments later, the house exploded.
They walked to the hidden spot where his truck was.
"How long did it take you to find me?" She asked him as they stood outside.
"Not long. It was just the journey that took long." He replied. He tucked her hair behind her ear. She truly wasn't harmed and that gave him so much relief. Just looking at her face he knew how much he loved this young woman. He didn't want to tell her but he had to. "I need to tell you something."
"What?" YN frowned slightly as her back straightened up in alertness.
"They got to your father." He said. There was no mincing of his words. From the beginning they had wanted her father. Even if they didn't get to him, they were going to get to him through her.
"What?" YN stumbled as tears began to cloud her vision.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered as he held her close.
"How?"
"Don't ask me to tell you.” He mumbled. YN buried her head into his chest as she cried for her father. He held her tight as her sobs vibrated through his chest. He wanted to take her pain away but this was something that she had to feel for her to heal. There was no way that he was going to tell her the gruesome details of what the gang did to her father. The details would scar her for life and he was not about to give her that trauma.
As she calmed down, he placed a kiss on the top of her head. She turned her head to the side whilst she was laying on his chest.
YN knew about the life that she was in but it didn't make it hurt any less. Her father had taken her in and loved her unconditionally. He loved all of his children equally and she never felt like he was neglectful. Even though he was ruthless in his business when it came to his family Rafael kept that personality in a box. The pain she felt of losing her father turned into anger.
"I'm going to kill them." She mumbled as she sniffed. "I'm going to kill them all."
Guillermo took her words in. He could hear the conviction in her voice. She meant what she said.
"And we will." he replied. He pulled away from their embrace and looked into her eyes. "I promise we will."
#munteanhore writes#the bodyguard fic#benicio del toro#benicio del toro x black reader#benicio del toro x black oc#benicio del toro fanfiction#benicio del toro one shot#benicio del toro x you
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Bkdk Fic Rec
I’ve been inspired to write a fic rec! This one goes out to you @lonely-rabbit
At like, the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 I stayed up until 4am every night reading fics, and because I’m such a loser, I made a word doc to keep track of all of them so I wouldn’t forget them.... I tried organizing it by length but it got messy cause I’m ridiculous and cluttered, so sorry! (I’ll save my own for the end alskdjflsdkfj gotta self promote you know). This is going to get...really long, so I’ll put it under a read more! Also, just a heads up, these are all on ao3, in case that’s important to anyone!
Disclaimer: Any fics with mature or explicit content I will add a bolded warning for, even if it’s only a little bit. Normally most fics will be tagged as such, but some fics that are rated as teen I’ve found to be more suggestive than some of those rated as mature, so I will try to point it out where it feels necessary, for anyone who wishes to avoid it.
Fics under 1k:
Illuminate by TheQueen (269 words)
Summary: Bakugou watches the first firework launch and fights to keep his face neutral
Very short, plot is about a case of amnesia, also very cute and well written for that length! Not angsty at all imo
sweaty hands holding secrets - shounentwink (563 words)
Summary: Someone said Midoriya holds secrets in his hair.
It’s not true: He holds it tightly in his hands. Bakugou’s seen it.
I really like this writer! You’ll see quite a bit of them in this post alkdsjfalskdjf
Fics 1k - 10k:
Many sunflowers later - Jeka (2395 words)
Summary: Scholar Midoriya Izuku comes back to the person he left behind after his journey through the kingdom, the mighty dragon clan leader Bakugou Katsuki.
Day 1 of Twin Stars Week 2020: Fantasy AU.
First of all, fantasy au!!! Second of all, jeka!!! (I need to read more of your stuff!!) Anyways, so cute, such lovely, pretty writing, wonderful story telling, and they’re so in love TT_TT
Boom Badoom Boom - warschach (3429 words)
Summary: Izuku's working the kissing booth at the school fair, it just so happens Katsuki has been crushing on him since the first grade.
“Did you—“ Izuku parted his mouth with no sound leaving it, “Did you pay?”
“Yea.”
“For a kiss?”
This one’s a little silly but I love it still. It’s got a “kids in the 80′s over summer vacation” vibe, I think. I love warschach! I should read more of their writing... They have SUCH good bakudeku content! *It’s rated teen but there’s some suggestive content, just a heads up!
Hopeless Ramen-tic - lalazee (7155 words)
Summary: Midoriya is a cute guy who works at a ramen stall and Bakugou is thirsty as hell, but has to hide it by being an asshat. Another love story.
Ah, so good TT_TT so much sass, such good plot development and story telling for a simple concept *It’s rated as teen but again, it can be suggestive at times!
I’ll share this with you, so leave it behind - yabakuboi (3508 words)
Suammry: For the sake of the story, All Might is never in need of a successor, and, when Izuku saves Katsuki from the sludge monster, encourages young Midoriya down a different path. Thus, Katsuki and Izuku part ways after junior high, as Katsuki enters U.A. and the Midoriyas move overseas. It’s later that Katsuki realizes that there’s something missing, that he drove that something away.
Years after, Katsuki finds him in the last place he looks, in the cereal aisle at the local grocery store of their childhood neighborhood.
So soft, so sweet, so good if you just want to curl up in a comfy blanket and drink hot cocoa and feel warm and cozy and a little in love
The Secret Deku Box - yabakuboi (2241 words)
Summary: “Y’know, Bakugou never, ever talks about girls,” Kaminari says, his voice thoughtful.
“And I wonder why that is.” Ashido rolls her eyes.
“I’m just curious!” Kaminari whines. Kirishima drags the box out, unlabeled and unassuming, the lid not even fully clasped over the edges. “The guy has to— Whoa, what’s that?”
Kirishima realizes a little belatedly that this is a serious breach of privacy, and Bakugou will actually murder all of them. “Nothing!” he cries, attempting to shove it back under the bed, but Ashido snatches it away.
“Please be his porn stash!” Kaminari whispers as she whips the lid off.
Cute, funny, in canon, in character, and a must read I would say!
daisy bunches and heather branches - halcyonwhispers (5862 words)
Summary: izuku falls in love with the foul-mouthed tattoo artist next door.
Not another flower/tattoo shop au.... aldskjflaskdjfd Okay but punk!Bakugou is ALWAYS a smart move imo
the best part of me (is the worst I can give) - halcyonwhispers (5668)
Summary: Whole sentences usually make up people’s Words, but Katsuki got stuck with a name instead.
Izuku’s name.
I am such a sucker for soulmate aus when it comes to these boys TT_TT *There is some mature content, just a heads up!
Hard to Say - halcyonwhispers (8390 words)
Summary: Izuku is a Halfling, born after his faerie father spirited away his mom and then left her behind. Never quite fitting in with the humans or any of the supernatural beings in his small town, Izuku hoped that going to a diverse college in the big city will help him finally make friends.
Katsuki’s family has been powerful witches for generations, and he’s no different. Talented and a proclaimed genius to boot, he knew he shouldn’t waste his time on this dumbass (disgustingly cute) half-blood.
Or,
two idiots fall in love and don’t get that the other’s awkward cues are just a result of romantic tension.
I am ALSO a sucker for fantasy/mythical creatures au and I LOVED this one - Bakugou absolutely unable to handle how cute Midoriya is? Perfection - but it’s unfinished, and I don’t think it ever will be continued, unfortunately TT_TT
lots to unpack (throw away the whole suitcase) - shounentwink (4315 words)
Summary: “How’d you know?” Midoriya asks.
There’s a hunch to his shoulders that wasn’t there three hours ago. Freckled shoulders are kissed sunburnt and red: he looks like someone ran him over and left him like roadkill in the sunlight. Bakugou’s working with insurance today, but he could see the sparks of green lightning even from his elevated position in their shared agency. Midoriya’s holding his thumb, cracking it over and over — it looks like he’s rubbed it raw.
“Dunno,” Bakugou says. “Maybe you’re just easy to read, nerd.”
I love this one so much, it was one of the first ones I read, it’s so good, and it’s another that really affected how I view their relationship! Idk this one just hit for me
hang the moon from us (it’s a no from me) - shounentwink (1200 words)
Summary: Midoriya’s gonna get sick of Bakugou one of these days, and then the whole ruse will be over, and the balance of power will tilt beyond salvation, but that day isn’t today and it looks like Bakugou knows it.
What an asshole.
Once again, I’m a sucker for the fantasy au... But even more, the diction, the details, the imagery...it’s absolutely all stunning here. I wish I could write this pretty
In Which Bakugou Finds His One Tru Luv - Erina (5862 words) This is the first one of a series called The Misadventures of Explodo-kill Agency!
Summary: Welcome to the Explodo-kill agency! We can destroy your buildings, crash your cars, and help you solve one of the seven mysteries in life: who is Bakugou Katsuki's mysterious boyfriend?!
I’ll admit I’ve only read the first three but by god they are the funniest fics I’ve ever read in my life. I see that Erina has added more since the last time I checked it out! Tbh I was only interested in reading the purely bakudeku ones... (My favorite was the second one!! SO funny and cute!)
i still do - raeryn (9646 words)
Summary: He’s losing him to pieces, but Izuku still tries to make them count. In which a battle leaves Bakugou Katsuki with amnesia, and Izuku finds himself picking up the pieces.
So, this one makes me cry. TT_TT
One Thing Straight - winningshot (9899 words)
Summary: They totally aren't.
Hints of their relationship is found in all of their friends’ social media accounts, but majority of their fans still think that Katsuki and Izuku are in relationships with anybody but each other.
It was amusing up until it became sad.
Lmao it’s a little salty but I guess I can be too. This is a social media fic! There’s multiple ships in this one, too
A Demolition Boy & his Cryptid BF - kewltie (8472 words)
Summary: Bakugou of the Demolition Squad is famous for running one of the most popular Youtube channels on the web that regularly blow shit up and jumped off a perfectly good building for shit and giggles. He's also famous for his Cryptid BF™, never appearing on camera except for a few bodyshots and all information on him is kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox, therefore drawing all sort of attention and curiosity toward his mysterious boyfriend.
Deku from Deku Explains is a hopeless chatterbox who is known for uploading 20-30 minutes video that talked about his favorite shows and comics and have one of the most devoted following on Youtube. He also can't seem to shut up about his boyfriend Kacchan, who regularly make his presence on the channel as a disembodied voice.
They should theoretically have nothing in common except a shared platform to host their content and an army of fans with an endless curiosity and devotion to their Youtubers. Vidcon is where we lay our scene and the internet is about to get a rude wake up call.
Okay kewltie is SO GOOD and very creative! The formatting is phenomenal, it’s like you’re actually experiencing a social media melt down in real time lol
be my good luck charm - writedeku (6785 words)
Summary: See, the thing is, Midoriya Izuku had been born with a curse. It’s not a curse that’s particularly visible. He doesn’t have horns, or a tortured face, and it’s not the kind of silly curse like a friend of his had way down south in Diagnor, wherein the girl had been born without the ability to say the word duck. Midoriya Izuku is just extremely unlucky.
(Or the AU in which Izuku's the world's unluckiest travelling merchant, and Katsuki is someone who may be able to help him. For a price, that is.)
Oh I adore this one! It’s so cute and such a good narrative! Nice and warm, and Bakugou trying his damnedest to be suave, and it somehow working because Midoriya is just as flustered. *Another one rated as teen but some suggestive content.
Smells Like Victory - majjale (2377 words)
Summary: Bakugou takes two steps into the room and stops, clapping a hand over his nose. “Ugh, what stinks like Deku in here?”
"Good afternoon, Bakugou. That would be the amortentia."
I must admit, not a fan of HP, but majjale...TT_TT majjale writes these two boys so well. This one is really, really good!
Cherish Me - Justaperson1718 (2376 words)
Summary: “What?”
Izuku looked back down at his menu and flipped the page, a small smile on his face. “Nothing.”
Katsuki glared at Izuku from across the table. “If it was nothing then you wouldn’t be staring at me.”
“It’s just a little funny watching you try to look your best for our date when you always look great anyway,” Izuku explained. He wouldn’t look up from his menu while he spoke, but his words remained ingrained with confidence nevertheless. He considered what he was saying to be fact, and nothing else. “Even when you’re not trying in front of the cameras, it’s still hard to take my eyes off of you.”
This is a sequel to a fic that’ll be in the next section, because it’s longer, called Manage Me. Please read that one first before this one! (Not part of a series, but they’re the same story line)
Fascinating - Justaperson1718 (1556 words)
Summary: “I’m not staring at you,” Izuku replied, his eyes focused intently on Katsuki. He’s still wearing his pajamas, sitting on his knees in their shared bed. He was awake moments before Katsuki, and waited eagerly for the other to awake.
Katsuki glanced over his shoulder after his shirt was on and glared. “You’re fucking staring at me right now.”
Izuku shook his head, humming his disapproval quietly. “I’m watching you.”
“That’s the same damn thing,” Katsuki said while searching for a pair of pants in the dresser. “Your eyes are fixated on me like I’m your life’s fucking goal or some shit.”
“I just like watching you get dressed.” Izuku tilted his head to the side and smiled softly at Katsuki’s confused stare. “I know, it’s weird. But I like it.”
*There is a little bit of implied mature content, but overall, it’s just so sweet and intimate, and I just simply adore this one.
in a place once filled with gold - dorenamryn (9226 words)
Summary: It felt strange to remember such details, for they were things a friend should know, and as far as Katsuki was concerned, he and Deku hadn’t been friends in a very, very long time. He could admit, with reluctance, that they were on the path there, now, even though they would never make it. Katsuki would die before they could get the chance.
or: There is a garden growing in Katsuki’s lungs, and he is helpless to stop it.
“Hanahaki disease” okay, I can explain myself. Okay, I can’t. In any case, you got angst with a happy ending if that’s what you’re into!
Kaleidoscope - DPRenFTW (5141 words)
Summary: Izuku is a witch. He just needs to find his familiar. Enter a boy that is a wolf, and a wolf that is a boy - with wild red eyes and sharp smiles.
And Izuku thinks:
"Oh, it's him."
Just as beautiful and fascinating as the name implies! I seriously recommend for the beautiful writing, the gorgeous world, the mythical creatures au, and the lovely bakudeku romance!
Learning Curve - sensiblysilly (4222 words)
Summary: Deku and Katsuki’s first kiss goes rather differently than planned.
And Katsuki’s quickly learning that relationships can be unpredictable - especially when taking into account the variable that is Midoriya Izuku.
This really is just a careful handling of a teenage romance where perhaps one of them may have shit they’re still working through. It’s really sweet, and a careful study at boundaries and the building of a relationship. I actually stumbled across this while looking for another with the same name and ended up pleasantly surprised. Kacchan can has a little validation, as a treat.
4/20 is a national holiday - Ereri_Garbage (
Summary: Izuku is a drug dealer that doesn't really accept the fact he's a drug dealer, Katsuki is hot as hell as shouldn't be allowed a facebook.
Happy (Late) birthday Katsuki and happy (late) 4/20. I actually half assed an edit on this one so it took longer to post than I thought it would.
Uummmm lmao yes I have a sense of humor. ;ALDSKJFLSKDJF Okay, I say that, but this is not a crack fic, it’s a good story that I enjoy with good writing, and *it has mature, content, obviously for multiple reasons here. It’s rated as mature but there are borderline explicit moments imo. It’s a fun fic and funny, too! And, ngl, it really does remind me of college... But forget about me, the bakudeku is wonderful too of course :)
Drinking Watermelon - warschach (8906 words)
Summary: For whatever reason, maybe divine fate, Izuku turned and looked over his shoulder and waved to them.
Katsuki’s heart full on stopped right then, and his fingers forgot their duty on the rails, and his body neglected its job to keep Katsuki balanced.
Izuku’s summer sweet smile fell into concern as Katsuki went airborne and cracked his skull on the porch.
or Katsuki works as a camp counselor, and Izuku is a boy made of summer heat and sunlight.
Love it when people have Bakugou as absolutely enamored with Midoriya; it’s so good and true. Anyways this one makes me like summer camp story lines. It’s funny and also cute and great writing! *It’s got explicit content, just a heads up. Warschach stories just have this youthful 80′s vibe, I don’t know how else to explain it.
there are listed buildings - semiautomatichearts (3309)
Summary: Katsuki first sees colors bloom when he is only three years old. It is timid Izuku, hiding behind the cover of his mother's leg who looks upon him with wide eyes, and Katsuki's world explodes in shades of greens and pinks and blues, and he is so startled, he begins to cry.
His life is then on defined in color, in shades his peers can't see, by the forlorn, timid stare in Izuku's eyes that always lets off more than he is willing to tell. There is a schism driven between himself and his fated other, and Katsuki strives to be better than fate, better than what is defined for him. He is more than the written pages of a book, to be cracked open and read by the gods.
He wonders if it is possible for colors to bloom for someone who will never love you back.
Ah...soulmates :) So interesting how bakudeku fits into soulmate aus like this one when they’ve known each other as kids! And when they’ve had this complex push and pull thing going on all their lives! The writing is beautiful, and so is the story!
Promise Ring - bkdkwritingsdump (3579)
Summary: The midwest in the 1950′s is no place for boys who like kissing boys: something Izuku and Katsuki know all too well growing up there. However, the undeniable bond between the nervous science geek and the aloof delinquent will still find a way to blossom in such a desert.
Cute, sweet, makes my gay heart ache. Longing not just for the one you love, but just to feel right loving them. Very pretty story line, lovely story telling!
Fics 10k - 30k:
Fishy - warschach (19417 words)
Summary: Izuku’s convinced his hot co-worker/neighbor, Katsuki, is a mermaid-or merman- you gotta consider genders even with mythical creatures- and plans to prove it.
(or this is kinda like the show ‘Monster Quest’, except Izuku actually finds said monster, falls in love, and have sexy times.)
Another warschach! I love this one, I love how they write bakudeku, particularly as college students, their stories (at least, the ones that I’ve read) always feel so warm, like a summer’s day, but not a lazy one, one that’s playful? If that makes sense? *This one is explicit, another heads up!
Manage Me - Justaperson1718 (10756 words)
Summary: Izuku caught himself moving forward, his head tilted somewhat to the side, and his eyes shot wide open. His gaze met Katsuki’s half-lidded eyes now that he was no longer in a dreamlike state, and seeing the way Katsuki was looking at him—waiting for him—made him realize Katsuki would’ve let him do it. He might have even wanted him to do it.
“You’re both doing fabulous!” the photographer called out to them, packing his camera into his bag and getting ready to leave. “I just got word that what we have now should be good, so we’ll stop there. Thank you for your time! Lock the door on your way out after you change.”
The pair stayed frozen in place, with Izuku’s arms around Katsuki’s neck and Katsuki’s hands resting on Izuku’s waist, while the photographer and his supervisor left.
“Kacchan,” Izuku cooed once they were gone. “Did you want to…?”
Love the story, love the bakudeku! Very, very good bakudeku TT_TT very sweet *There is some mature content in here as well
point to a map (we’ve been there) - cosmicfuss (10589 words)
Summary: Serendipity / sĕr″ən-dĭp′ĭ-tē Serendipity is the occurrence of an unplanned fortunate discovery. Two men find themselves on a subway, hot coffee on one while the other is in the middle of a screaming match. After that they can't seem to stop finding each other, no matter how far they go.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; this fic owns my entire soul. I love the story, the ease of their relationship, just how lovely they are together. It’s another kind of nice, fluffy fic you’d read on a bad day where you come home and curl up in a blanket and listen to a ten hour video of thunderstorm white noise. *Again, some more mature content in here
Partners - tsukithewolf (13619 words) Another series! Two parts to this one this time
Summary: It is said that in Musutafu there is a charm that one can buy at a temple that will lead you to your destined partner. They say that if the charm works, you would be able to follow the red string of fate to the person you were meant to be with. And if the person returns your feelings, they would be able to see the string as well, proving that both were meant to be.
Three-year-old Katsuki and Izuku misunderstand what the word "partner" means and discover the charm and the rumor behind it is not only true, but more than expected.
Gets a little heavy, depression, bullying, suicidal thoughts, etc. But it must get worse before it gets better, that kind of thing. I also just adore the second part (called Bond) - maybe because it’s much fluffier, what about it?
Learning Curve - iknewaman (10304 words)
Summary: “Izuku.” Uraraka repeats as she motions at the person stood next to her. Green curls, average height, and, well. Up close, not such a bad smile. Uraraka points a thumb at Bakugou and enunciates slowly, “This is Bakugou. He can speak sign language too.”
Wait. Sign language?
The stranger— well, Izuku— looks at him with a raised brow. Their free hand lifts up as they make a slight motion of the hand.‘
Really?’
*
Bored out of his mind at a house party one night Bakugou is introduced to Izuku, a deaf student who offers to help teach Bakugou sign language in exchange for a favour-- or well, is prompted into asking for a favour.
Ah, I really want to explain this one a little bit? I’d never been into fanfiction ever, only really getting into it with these boys. This was the second one I read, I remember, and it caught me off guard, and it intrigued me. It really surprised me as to what fanfiction could be. Ngl I had biased perceptions of fanfics - I used to be one of those people who thought fanfiction could never be good writing - and this one slapped me in the face with it’s subtle beauty and creative story and heart melting capabilities, and very, very real relationship and growth. Anyways it’s so cute how happy Deku is to teach Kacchan sign language TT_TT Make sure to read the tags!
The Keeper and the Sun God’s Heir - SurelyHeavenWaits (12746 words)
Summary: The Titans' have stolen something important from Izuku, heir of the Sun God, and he wants it back.
This one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one, this one this one- Oh my god this one. Okay so what, I was a Percy Jackson kid, what about it? I love the mythical aus, particularly the god ones. But beyond that, the writing is so beautiful, just like the world, and the imagery. The bakudeku...absolutely stunning. The story itself? Incredible. Cannot recommend more. *There is explicit content in this, though I will say, it’s all in the last chapter, and all of the story is in the first two chapters. There’s also a second part as it’s a series and it’s short but it’s cute and sweet TT_TT
seven days - aaAAAaaahhhhHHHHH (10094 words)
Summary: There’s something about the green haired boy, an aura that just drew Katsuki in before he even knew his name.
[Sometimes your mind forgets, but your heart remembers]
Heed my warning: DON’T read this in front of other people. I bawl every time I read this one TT_TT I know I said I don’t like angst but AJLSKDFJALSKDFJ it has a hopeful ending! I mean yeah you’re gonna cry but...hope? :’) (that username really says it all tbh)
Fics 30k+
Notice me, nerd - useless_donut (40000 words)
Summary: Bakugou is in love with Midoriya. He doesn’t hide it, in fact it’s so painfully obvious that the entire class of 3-A has him figured out in a matter of months (days, in some cases). Too bad Midoriya is the most oblivious motherfucker out there, and Bakugou is too damn stubborn to actually ask him out.
Will the class of 3-A survive the sexual tension? Who will snap first? Someone put Bakugou out of his misery, please, before everyone else dies of second-hand embarrassment.
(a love story as witnessed by the class of 3-A)
Love the idea of Bakugou being brazen and brash, cause yeah, he is. So fucking funny though how that translates to him flirting. Gotta say, thought I was gonna cringe, but his “I’m gay af” outfit really ended up being A Look. Love the mutual pining, it really is strong in this one. *Okay, mature content in this one lads.
While You Were Sleeping - Belkacaramelka (71197 words)
Summary: The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.
Quirkless AU based on the film; endgame BakuDeku. -- Katsuki didn’t know when the change had happened: how he had gone from asking why Todoroki chose Deku of all people, to wondering why it was Todoroki that Deku chose. Troublesome Deku, who cooed like an idiot at cats, tripped at a random catcall and sang badly. Who, despite everything, proved that it wasn’t the quirk that defined a person. Deku, who was too much, not his, and undeniably off limits to begin with.
Update: Epilogue added
*This one has mature content. If you can, please, for the love of god, read this fic. It’s like, tied with my favorite bkdk fic perhaps ever. It’s based on the movie of the same title, a nineties romcom with Sandra Bullock, but Belkacaramelka has so effortlessly made it into it’s own story, fit it so perfectly inside of the bnha world. I definitely stayed up until 6:30am reading this one. It’s got such good badass Midoriya, who is also sweet, and really really good reconciliation between bakudeku.
All Gifted - fitzefitcher (39129 words)
Summary: The thing about gifts is that they're meant to be given, they're meant to be shared; so Izuku will take his gifts, so freely given to him, and share them with all he holds dear.
Izuku is born without any gifts, as his kind often are, to a witch mother and salamander father, on one sweltering night in July.
This one is unfinished...and I highly doubt it will ever be. But what has been written is incredible. Once again, I’m a sucker for the magic/mythical creatures aus. But the relationship is great! The characterization is great! The found family trope that was building up is great!
under a hollow sun - umbrage (40572 words)
Summary: Midoriya is cursed with emptiness.
Misfortune leads him to a man of ancient magic and endless rage.
To stop an unfathomable evil, their mismatched halves must become whole.
Uuuggghhhh this was so good! I don’t think it’s going to be finished either :( Once again, fantasy au, more amazing writing, on point characterization, incredible pacing, makes you hungry for more story.
all the savage soul requires - majjale (58032 words)
Summary: Bakugou seems to have exhausted his patience for words and no longer acknowledges that Midoriya exists, so Midoriya crosses his legs, stares down at his hands limned in firelight, and makes a list of things he knows.
One. His name is Midoriya Izuku.
Two. He is a Godmarked, future god of life, heir to the divine throne.
Three. The gods have been fighting Death for eons, and now he's coming for recompense with everything he’s got.
This is majjale, so of course, the writing is more than beautiful; it’s absolutely breathtaking. This may be my favorite fic ever - unfortunately I don’t think it will ever be finished either TT_TT There’s the gods/fantasy au, which you know by now I love. But the characterization of our two boys is absolutely perfect, and I mean that as literally as possible. And the story being crafted between the two, the memory loss, the obvious history muddled by it all, it was so dense, and the PINING, so incredibly written, flowing so naturally. It wasn’t even close to being done, but it was wonderful, still is wonderful.
My Writing: (You can skip this if you hate shameless self promotion)
You’re too damn flicking cute (1815 words)
Summary: Bakugou is certain his shitty boyfriend is instigating kisses. Maybe it doesn't help that he keeps giving them away like it's a damn going out of business sale, but the stupid nerd is too fucking cute. Either way, like everything else, this is a competition, and he's going to win it.
Please don’t read this unless you’re going to the dentist afterwards! I’ve been told it’s so sweet it’ll give you instant cavities >_>;;;;
Bakugou Katsuki, you smooth motherfucker (10118 words)
Summary: Everyone around him knows that Bakugou Katsuki has a very special way with words. To the untrained ear he is loud and crass; to those that speak Kacchan, he is caring and inspiring. Yet there are rare moments, moments so fleeting you blink and you miss them, where Bakugou’s words pierce straight through Midoriya’s chest, and surprise everyone around him.
Goddammit, if only he would say them to Midoriya’s face.
Or, the five times Bakugou said something nice about Midoriya, and the one time he said something kind to him (but that was too long of a title).
I think most would consider this my best published fic; it’s one of those snapshot fics, “the five times where x did this, and the one time where they didn’t.” The recurring comment I get on this one is both of them being super in character, so I think that’s it’s defining characteristic! Bakugou and Midoriya have never known a life without the other, and in a perfect world, they never will.
Here, let me fix that (11247 words)
Summary: Bakugou honestly never thought he’d see Deku ever again. And now that they were together in this tiny compartment, alone for the next two and a half minutes, he had no clue what to say. He’d just apologized, right? So perhaps he could leave it at that and carry on with the original plan to never see the green-haired man that reminded him of dense forests, late night adventures, and tear-stained faces, ever again.
Ha! Who is he kidding? These bitches are soulmates.
I’ve gotten some critiques on this one, so sorry in advance if it’s not to your liking! Basically, what if Midoriya never got his quirk? Obviously, life would find a way to put them together because, as previously stated, these bitches are soulmates.
Plenty of Time (16654 words)
Summary: Bakugou found what little sleep he got restless and filled with nightmares that he forgot the second he opened his eyes. Tonight was the first time in a long time where he just had a normal dream - and it happened to be about Deku.
How fucking typical.
In other words, two dorks realize they have feelings for each other but don't know what to do about said feelings.
Ah, my first fic. Very simple, boys being boys, kinda like a slow burn? Idk how to explain this one, just boys figuring out their feelings and trying to figure out what to do about them. Been told these two are a little stupid but I think that’s valid.
We’re all time bombs waiting to explode (39223 words)
Summary: We have now entered the slipstream of time, into an alternate dimension where it neither is, nor isn’t, the 80’s. Two teenagers, burdened with the weight of adolescence in the modern world, find themselves struggling side by side, in part because of each other.
Bakugou, the most popular boy in school, has everything he could possibly want; status, power, and an unbreakable will. Having been dragged along behind him all the way to the top, Midoriya can’t help but wonder how (and why) he ended up standing beside his childhood friend-turned bully-turned friend again, weighed down by their complicated past and present. As the tension between them grows every day, and the arrival of a new, pretty face causes it to peak, it won’t be long before something - or someone - snaps.
I am...very bad at titles, and summaries apparently. This was my Heathers au, but it very quickly diverges from the original (I don’t do sad endings....) *This one has mature content, including implied sexual activity, drug use, and underage drinking, along with other heavy topics; please read the tags! Though tbh Midoriya is 17 for a couple weeks before it hits his birthday halfway through, so keep that in mind I guess? I kind of went heavy with this one, but I think the pay off was immense. This is the one with the most amount of comments stating it’s their favorite bkdk fic ever (and I cry). It’s a rough start, with a rough journey, but so is bakudeku! There’s a lot of petty drama, and then all of a sudden it’s Not That Petty and very much Far Too Real. Many have cried reading the ending, I cried writing it. My sister says it’s her favorite of mine. Now, I did kind of push this out without polishing it so much because I was losing my willpower, so if it feels lacking, that’s one hundred percent my fault.
Okay that was a lot! It took me a couple days...I hope I wasn’t too annoying with all my opinions! Please have a nice day. and enjoy some good reads, even if they aren’t the ones in this post!
#bakudeku#katsudeku#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#mha#bnha#bkdk#fics#my writing#god i really hope i didn't fuck up any of this#i spent a long time on it alksdjflaskjdflkasdjf#this is 39 fics without my own#and 44 including mine#i can tell i've forgotten some but#idk it's hard TT_TT#anyways it's 2:30am#if i go to bed at 4am one more time i'm gonna throw myself down a flight of stairs#i hope this is good enough as is!#most of this was written very late so I hope it doesn't sound...crazed
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second part of that long ask from ur swf anon :)
after the main dancer was chosen for each class, they would complete the choreo and decide formations for their performances. one of the benefits of the main dancer was that they were always center. they also had the benefit of wearing more embellished clothing to stand out (most noticeable in x class, where rian the main dancer was wearing orange while everyone else was wearing green). here is the full list (mnet truly has the WORST camera angles, so i only included the full cam ver of the performances):
1. assistant class: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF2evLz98h4&ab_channel=MnetTV
2. leader class: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srjJzRVVmxc&ab_channel=CHANNIECHANNEL
the judges shared that even though no:ze was the main dancer/in the center/had the most shiny outfit, they didn't really see her. all the other dancers, in their opinion, stood out and overpowered her.
3. sub class: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY_3E7W8v30&ab_channel=CHANNIECHANNEL
4. x class (i'm not sure what this class was called): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC-_8fbn_s4&ab_channel=Whatthejess
judges shared that lip j was the stand out of this class. she's the girl on the far left at 0:36. (it was originally her choreo but rian was chosen as the main dancer so that's why she is credited.)
*i only included comments that were stand outs.
-
i'm not sure how much creative input the main dancers were given regarding stage design... they didn't show it in the episode so i'm assuming that mnet just told them to show up and perform (because like, the rainbow thing they shot at the end of the leader's performance seemed so random? it didn't match what they were doing). after each performance, the main dancers from each class were asked to pick someone who they thought was the worst dancer. in doing so, the person chosen would lose points for their crew.
judges also chose an mvp crew they thought were the best. prowdmon (monika + lip j + others [sorry i don't know their names. the show really only focuses on these two]) was selected and this gave them the advantage of choosing which crews went against each other in ep4. so, it wasn't a random lottery draw! in the episode, they only showed the part where prowdmon chose to go against wayb (context: no:ze, the main dancer from the leader class, chose monika as the worst dancer. and this made her mad so she was like we're going against wayb - no:ze's crew). i'm not sure why they didn't show how the other crews were paired up. because ya, coca n butter + hook is definitely an interesting match.
also like, wayb was eliminated from the show after ep4's mission.
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and it seems like from here on out, there will be a mission each episode to determine who will be eliminated. i'm honestly not too sure. for their next mission, they're doing a mega crew mission and mnet doesn't really explain it; but it seems like each crew is doing a performance on a larger scale (with more members added to their crew). also, like mnet is ass and doesn't upload all the performances onto their channel..... they only upload the ones that were the most popular/had the biggest public reaction which is why i had a hard time finding the clips for the classes mission. hopefully they do from here on out.
another v long post. thank u again for reading and sharing ur thoughts! always love hearing them. (also, pls let me know if i'm oversharing. u mentioned not caring for the competitive nature and drama so i'm not sure if i was adding too much. there really isn't drama imo. mnet tries to do their best to edit and make it seem that way but when u watch the show, the girls truly root for each other and are friends.)
mnet truly has the worst camera angles i hate them so much. also why are they still streaming on a goddamn potato. the quality is SO bad i can barely see anything!! there's a lot of me complaining in this one i'm sorry in advance.
1. assistant class
i have to assume that whoever they chose as the main dancer is the one that stays in centre because i cannot tell from the clothing at all. i don't think she was a standout performer here, but also the camera and the fire effects are WAY too wild to actually get a good grasp on who even was the standout. i also have to assume that the dancers have no say in the design because design is not a big part of street dance and this kind of chaos screams m 'too-much-money-dont-know-how-to-use-it' net. they built this massive set, barely used it, and didn't leave enough room for the proper formation spacing!! ugh. i hope the judges actually got to see a locked off version of this without all that fire in front of the camera because if i were them i would be squinting down the end of my glasses like a grandma at the screen. that's what i was doing anyways but still.
2. leader class
i have to agree, i don't think noze stood out as the main dancer here. and geniunely i cannot tell that they embellished her costume more. like damn, that stylist took a masterclass in subtlety, because i was easily paying more attention to whoever was wearing those massive thigh high cutout garter stockings and woven bodysuit combo. i am assuming that the point of these challenges was probably to be noticed the most so that they can score points and pick who they went up against for the elimination round? i'm not entirely clear but my point remains; ngl i don't really like this method of creating performance because it means that no one is there to create a performance, yanno? troupe/group choreo like this thrives on teamwork to actually make it a good performance. i know it's a pretty classic method of weeding out people for auditions and stuff like that but personally i find it a wholly uncompelling viewing experience, especially when it's a fully produced stage like this. i know everyone very likely gets along behind the scenes but the incohesion of intent is very obvious. also what's up with the assistant class getting a massive set and the leaders getting a bunch of cars and some smoke pyrotechnics? i mean, i am glad they filmed it during the day, but i am confused by the disparity.
3. sub class
i wish i could describe how poorly mnet shot this. it's not a fucking mama stage, it's a dance stage!! we need to see the choreo properly!!!! and together!!! obviously i don't care about stitching together different takes for the final edit but just...not having a continuity at all in the choreo is a bit jarring. again, i am also not sure how one is supposed to evaluate how well these dancers did, because i can barely see what people are doing. or who the main dancers are. i know i'm railing a lot on mnet here but i can't give an accurate reading of the dancers because legitimately it is so hard to tell what's going on. if they want to bill this as a legitimate dance show, why are they shooting it like a kpop performance? the camerawork for kpop serves a specific function: to add to the visual spectacle and to highlight the idols' faces. you don't need either of those things for shoot choreography, so why do we keep getting closeups of dancers' faces? not that these dance videos aren't spectacle-y or fun, because they very much are, but they really suck at their one primary function, which is displaying the choreo.
4. x class
this is definitely the one where the camera work is the closest to what it should be, but then they go and fuck it up by adding rain! just the groundwater would have been fine, but noooo they had to add the extra rain so there would be extra water drops on the lens!! this is my favourite choreo of all four of these, i think there's the most cohesion and (excluding the rain) it's got a good mix of spectacle with the water and the blacklight and the right camera angles to show the choreo mostly well. i still don't understand why they cut in those sections that don't fit with the rest of the flow though. why. you could have one-taked this and it would have looked dope as fuck. i agree that lip j stands out the most, obviously it's her choreo so it's the best suited to her character and abilities.
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if it wasn't a random lottery draw they should at least have the courtesy of showing people why who picked who!! that's the most interesting part! and i'm not that surprised about wayb being eliminated, prowdmon really stomped them into the ground with that revenge energy. i'm interested in this larger scale performances concept, because i'm not really sure what that looks like in this particular context. if they do end up on youtube i will review them! and you're not oversharing at all, the context is fine! i don't mind reading it as information, i just don't like actually watching it with my own eyes. i can't watch that kind of thing in reality tv because it makes me want to sit everyone down like a kindergarden teacher and go "ok, now why are we all yelling?". too many years of tense rehearsal conflict negotiation and i just want to whack everyone upside the head. it's not very cathartic for me lmao. i have no doubt that everyone is friends because dance scenes are small and i'm sure they've all worked together lots, but even just the editing sets off my fight or fight reflexes.
#street woman fighter#swf#swf reviews#yes i did mean fight or fight i have no flight reflex#i only know violence or advanced conflict management#go into theatre they said. costume design is fun they said#little did 18yro me know i was going to be yelling at actors for eating in costume and trying to convince directors out of stupid ideas#for 90% of my working hours#anyways swf anon i'm sorry this is mostly complaining and not really talking about the dancing#i will try to do more of that for the next episode#for a show supposedly about street dance there's not very much street dance? even the battles are kinda wonky#they dont follow the rules very well and theyre skewed waaaaayyyyyy more towards musicality/showmanship than technique#which is the opposite of how battles usually are graded. i know that it's likely because they don't have actual battle judges#(no disrespect to boa. but i don't think being a battle judge has been a career calling for her)#but its still a bit hmmm for me. i know the idols and the connection to the idol industry is probably what's bring in the views but#it is a very different industry than the street dance one#text#answers
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*slides into your asks with a rose in my mouth* why hello, tis me!
Apologies for the long wait but your favorite long asks anon is here and OOF so much has happened. Let us break it down one by one lol
Monsta x our beans, welp we can officially say we are army wives for them because shownu is now at the military and just welp this feels weird lol. I lowkey forgot he was meant to enlist so when the news came out I went through so many emotions. Its why the latest comeback feels a bit bittersweet to me. It is their BEST for sure and for this year, I agree so to not see him perform right before he left is a bit sad. I don't blame him of course (if anyone does i am fish slapping you) but just a shame. I'm happy we do get content with him still? Seems pre-planned so that is nice!
Onto legends exo, fantastic comeback. I cannot stop listening to the album, its just bops full of bops to me. They broke so many records and I'm over here sipping my tea because fudge yes. It isn't a full member comeback, 2 of the members featured in the comeback are off playing call of duty and they still did THAT. While having lay properly in the comeback!? (Or at least some form, better than tempo era!) Kyungsoo my beloved, the man that can swoon you off your feet, his proper solo album. Omg I am just in love? The album feels like a Playlist that you hear while taking a walk or on a raodtrip? I love it, I just love everything about this with how much thought was given. It makes me feel warm and I'm so proud of him (I think he even got a first win) but sadly xiumin got the it shall not be named virus D: I feel so bad and I can only hope he gets better! It makes me worried because I keep seeing more and more idols getting sick and I can't help but wonder why don't the kpop entertainment just put a pause with stuff? Of course that is VERY unrealistic, I am aware that is naive for me to think but its just so idk how to word it properly (my English brain is not working I am sorry) I cannot help the feeling of while I get people are being safe and yes we need to still live like normal beings, is it worth risking idols health just for some entertainment? Idk how to explain my thoughts properly but maybe I hope I made sense!!
Onto svt! That is perfectly fine to not vibe with a comeback! I will admit, I didn't fully vibe with this comeback and it shocked me because every comeback was a hit to me. Even fear, left and right or homerun where I know many fans were split on, I liked but RTL was a grower. For me, listening to it without watching the mv, helped it alot and it is a song I like. Is it their best? No I don't think so but it is alright to say "hey I didn't bop to this, not my cup of tea" (imo I blame the mv? The mv REALLY didn't do the song justice at all, I am sorry if I sound like a fake fan but this mv Just is bad in all aspects. Sure we have some pretty shots but like it just doesn't fit at all?) So if anything listening to the song or wishing the live performances does it better. Seeing the choreography amps the song up more, cannot go wrong with their dancing. As for the rest of the songs, I admit game boy is my top favorite? Idk if it is because I am a gaming nerd and found all the production of the song so creative but yeah. We can wait for the next comeback! Svt always have something up their sleeves, plus we do have their music projects to look forward too (I wonder when we will get one? Seeing as RTL promotions stopped) some positive news with the boys is they resigned like a year before their contract ends and I'm a bit emotional :') I'm excited to see the boys future projects. We did have caratland recently! Did you watch it if I may ask? We did get in the soop confirmation so I'm excited to watch that, the boys deserve that nice break (even if it was filmed for a show fjsbsns)
Ok I think that is it for kpop updates? XD I do hope life has been treating you kindly! Life has been a bit all over the place sadly so I hope it wasn't like that for you as well! Until next time my bean!
hii!!!! omg sorry for the late reply i've been pretty busy these days 🙈
indeed so much has happened! and much more since you sent this ask omg!!
our shownu is at war *looks into the distance* *wipes away tear* *sighs* by now I got used to enlistment news (see what happens when you stan 2nd and 3rd gen groups) but STILL [[IT HURT]] when they uploaded the monchannel videos of his goodbye day like ????? what kind of twisted mind diuhdfuihdifuhs but the boys were all so cute and soft but they seemed so sad they didn't want to let go of their super leader :(( I hope he's learning lots and making new friends (and also we've got our international super spy yoo kihyun giving us small updates on him every now and then so everything's fine!). Yeah I totally get you it felt empty without him this comeback and at first it didn't really clicked with me but when the enlistment news came out i understood he had to take care of his health and thoroughly check on his eye sight in order to be 100% ready for the military so it made sense he had to be absent :( everything was so close (the comeback and enlistment) that I'm sure there was no other way for doing it I'm pretty sure he couldn't maybe postpone the enlistment day any further
onto exo! my ksoo my soft boi my romantic boi 🥺 his album is so him SO HIM i can't explain it bur it's just HIM you know it's the type of album you'd play on loop on a summer afternoon when you've taken your papers and paints outside in the garden to paint a bit with the warm soft breeze moving the trees lightly 🤧 and he signs in English and SPANISH (he did it for me) my multilingual king he's a native. Also I've been watching Honeymoon Tavern with Jongin these days and OMG i could d word for him really (if you haven's watched it go do it when you have time) he's SO SOFT and SO CUTE and he works as a waiter and a wedding planner and helps with the room preparations and is also a tour guide and he's just so cute so happy al the time the way he interacts with everyone is so 🥺🤧😭 onto more serious stuff now: yeah i was so worried about minseok catching covid omg but i'm glad he went through it with our any major complication and the rest of the boys are safe too! I guess the industry doesn't stop bc that would mean a huge loss of thousands and thousands of dollars/won/etc so as long as the gov doesn't prohibit going out or gathering like at the beginning of the pandemic, they'll keep on going with the idols' schedules otherwise the industry would just shut down having no way of earning money to sustain all the companies and idols.
as for seventeen! yeah i like the songs too! the mv sure ruined rtl and listening to it without watching it has really helped it grow on me more but still it feels kind of meh to me idk i really like anyone i think it's my favourite from the album. AND NOW WE'VE GOT A COMEBACK IN OCTOBER!!!! yayyyyy i can't wait they seem to be preparing very diligently (i hope they release a sexy bop) it's a shame junhao aren't gonna be present for this comeback but i'm soooooo happy they have the opportunity to visit their families again omg they have spent 2 whole years without seeing them in the flesh they must be so happy to get back to them again!!! it's so funny seeing them be bored at the quarantine hotel and doing lives every day duhdfiudhfiuh i hope it passes quickly and they can see their loved ones finally! and I did watch Caratland!! omg the unit switch song was the best thing ever hhu doing lilili yabbay and not being able to stop laughing idfuhdifuhs perf team doing chocolate and owning it????? hello??? performance team more like main vocal team wow! and the vocal team being a complete mess during check in lmaooo i loved it! In The Soop has finally started!!! I love these kind of "normal life" concepts I love seeing the boys being themselves cooking and relaxing I've watched the first and second eps as of today and also few clips from the third and omg mingyu and jeonghan drowning in the pond dfuhidfhidfs lmao they're so dumb i love them 🤣 i'm glad they could go away for a few days and spend time together away from their hectic schedules!
I hope you're well now and if not hang in there it'll all pass soon enough! 🥰💕 bye bye!!
p.s.: I got your request for the svt this or that gifset and i promise i’ll do it one day i just don’t feel like giffing these days dhbduusi i’m out of energy
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( twenty six , cis male , he/him ) ✉ ― hey babes, have you met OMARI JOSEPH. they’re vacationing here, a few villas down from where you’re staying. you might hear COMFORTABLY NUMB BY PINK FLOYD playing from their villa, it’s their favourite song. yes, they hear that they look like AVAN JOGIA alot, actually - it’s really uncanny. their friends back home in SEDONA, ARIZONA say that if they were on a tv show, their trope would be THE BROKEN ACE , how funny is that? ✎ sammy , twenty two , he/him , eastern .
hello mtv ! welcome back ! wow , these things really come at you fast huh ? this is my third child , omari , ready to cause more drama than you’ve ever imagined .
believe it or not , but omari was not always this way . and by ‘ this way ’ , i mean crass , unmotivated , aggressive , desperate . i suppose i’m getting a little too ahead of myself , so let me start from the beginning .
from the minute he was born , his mother knew she had just gifted the world someone really , really special . didn’t know how , or why , but she did .
childhood was relatively normal for kids attending the same schools : hang out , party , record music , make beats & act like you were the next best thing . the usual .
part - time job in retail since his mother wanted him to be independent from the start , instilling the simple fact in him from young : no one could ever have your back like you do .
life was actually pretty fucking good . well .. until he turned sixteen . this prominent age , path to adulthood was supposed to be normal , quickly turned out to be anything but .
a careless upload to soundcloud on the night of his birthday serves as an easy present to himself , months of hard work & layering non - stop vocals . what he’s unaware of , however , is the power of technology .
his first official song , good control , garnished tons of traction overnight , crowning him to be an overnight sensation . bigger than he could ever imagine .
little did he know , this was just the beginning . slowly but surely , his life transitioned : endless moves , countless meetings , acquiring proper staff for his team , recording eps , promoting albums , tours , production deals . . the whole nine . with progress comes backlash & this is where things get interesting .
male had seen instances where scandals , gossip & the mere pressure can have an immense impact on someone’s career . he vowed to never be that person .. until he was .
trouble with police , alleged violence against fans , counts of careless driving & drug possession , probations , violations . too much to revive his career .
it's what they fail to mention during those etiquette classes , how people will purposely & maliciously go out of their way to fuck up your reputation .
usually any press is good press in his eyes , though his manager fails to see the exact vision .
that’s why he’s here at the resort for the second time in his life ( though the first wasn’t under such circumstances ) , per request of his mother & useless management , forced to find & face his issues before returning back home . if there’s miniscule to no changes come time to record his highly - anticipated fourth album .. bye bye career .
problem is : is that what he wants ? or what he’s most afraid of ?
summary : he’s the obnoxious , rockstar piece of shit that y’all voted for . he’s not nice at all , sarcastic , boyish charm to make you hate him even more . overall bad , bad person .
headcanons / aesthetics :
messy room . prefers to be alone . hates being confined to one area for long periods of time . usually sarcastic , the utmost fluffy . ultimate wish is to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing . naps are vital . couple doodles here & there , creativity is essential to every fiber of his lifestyle . eye bags . tiredness at the very break of dawn . always has music playing . usually spends the night looking up at the stars , erases all of his thoughts . feels best when someone genuinely sees past his fame . softly wild hair , thanks wind . comfortable & easy accessible clothing . never fully buttons any shirt . pure gold jewels wrapped around his fingers .
wanted plots :
[ 1 / 1 ] publicity stunt : it wouldn’t be fame if there weren’t any of these . give me either : current one , past one that ended sour ? possibilities are endless here .
[ 0 / 1 ] best friend : everyone needs that one person to keep them sane throughout everything . this person is the only person who understands him , who knows him , and who is safe from his wrath .
[ 0 / 1 ] undercover babysitter : lmao okay , so i was thinking that his manager got in contact with this person & asked them to watch over him . but , of course , be discreet about it .
+ other honorable mentions :
best friends , exes , exes to lovers , friends to lovers , lovers to enemies , acquaintances , platonic friendships , friends with benefits , slow - burn relationship , forbidden love , secret relationship .
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rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore
[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]
ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:
#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.
#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.
#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.
#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.
#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!
#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.
#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.
#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?
#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.
#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.
god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.
#Anonymous#long post#read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever
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