#fuck. I've spent so long thinking
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birthday boy 🎂
#river dipping#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#simblr#ts4 screenshots#theo i hope you're having the most insane birthday sex rn i hope it's ******** and ***** and ***'** **** *** **** ***** :)<3#sorry i put off making your birthday edit for so long that i had to pivot and post this edit instead of the one i wanted </3#...very funny how similar this is to that LAST render i posted... well so WHAT!! if i think matthias looming is sexy!!#this is based on a photo that everyone was drawing their ocs as so really it's not MY fault he's back there clinging and being a freak#actually if y'all want this pose lmk... i'll share it but fyi it's only meant to be seen from the waist up and idk how it'd look#on a sim that doesn't have the same muscle mass and like. bulk. that matthias has......................................#just got rock hard after typing that... anyway.#HAPPY BIRTHDAY THEO <333333333 LOVE YOU SO MUCH I PROMISE I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING ON THE //ACTUAL// BIRTHDAY EDIT!! like .#posted abt this on the sideblog but the real edit i have planned for him is making me lose my fucking gourd#and it'll probably take me :))) a few more days to figure out#expect a depressing theo-as-a-teenager edit eventually tho. with writing!! accompanying it!!#matthias's face has changed again btw 😭 i redid it almost immediately after i posted that first render attempt so he looks DIFFERENT!!#i posted screenshots of him in cas just the other day on my other acc and he looks so good in them i might post them here too#oh and!! this edit looks massively different than my last because this screenshot was taken with a new preset i made specifically for#the real birthday edit i'm working on... it's a hallway scene so i figured out depth and density to get this really cool fog effect#i'm really excited for it!! in my head the way it looks makes me crazy but idk if i can pull it off properly. but like i WAS SAYING!!#new preset is sooo sexy after i post this i'll reblog with the before and after to show you how good it looks even w/o any editing#like. the colors....... literally have always wanted a preset like this i'm so glad i spent yesterday fucking around with it#ALSO!! i've been doing those oc/ship dynamic templates for fun recently so i might post a few of them here soon#realize i'm rambling so much in these tags bc i haven't been here in forever kfjnkfjhn ummmmm. let me stop.#EVERYONE WISH THEO HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW 🫵‼
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was listening to the elden ring (+sote) ost on my 8hr bus trip last night and i cannot express how terrible of an idea that was . its was all gorgeous ambience and whatnot that lulled me into a slumber of false security and then i got activated into the waking world like a fucking sleeper agent when i heard malenia's phase 2 music kick into my ears
#elden ring#i looked through my shuffle history afterwards to see what themes HADNT woken me up#and amongst the most intense and loud were; godrick's theme the dragon theme and fucking BAYLE'S theme#none of which were enough apparently#i've just spent so long fighting for my fucking life in malenia's arena that my brain immediately kicked into high gear on impulse#genuinely really funny like i'm not even mad about it#its also gotten me to appreciate the ost a lot more than i already did just sitting there and taking in every sound#got so many chills just Listening while staring out at the nightscape#i genuinely think i could write a fucking essay on messmer's theme#but i digress
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5 for the isat ask game!
5 - What's your favorite optional event?
VERY TOUGH ONE TO ANSWER. I'm gonna go right ahead and disqualify twohats bc it's a predictable answer. If I had to choose just one though I think it'd probably be the sus event. It really got my goat on my first playthrough bc I didn't realize you had to do it in ACT 4. If I remember correctly I think sus is the only optional event locked to ACT 4??? Now that I've actually done it though I'm quite fond of it.
Sus event is one that you really have to go out of your way to do. It kind of reminds me of the True Ending in SASASAP but More and I'm sure that's intentional. Like the requirements for sus quest necessitate that you're going to do it, if not the loop before ACT 5, very soon before it. You have to know pretty much everything about Time Craft and Wish Craft already, so whatever you're doing in the loops now is basically taking out any optional stuff before you hit the end. You have to pretty thoroughly remember how the script goes just so you know all the best ways to break it. I feel like if the True Ending route is Loop going through the motions so many times that they can't deal with holding their facade together any longer, the sus route is Siffrin waving a big red flag around for help. There's just no way you're going to stumble into sus without preplanning what to do to rack up your points and make Odile aware of how Wish Craft works.
So I think it's interesting how much Siffrin pushes back against Odile trying to figure him out. It's a pattern of behavior that I am well aware of where you're desperately going "HELP ME" but you're not willing to accept it when it's offered to you.
Siffrin spends an entire loop screwing everything up, to a point that's frankly kind of egregious even by Late Stage Timeloopers standards, and then they can't reckon with the consequences of it. I don't think sus event is as intentional of a cry for help for Siffrin as it is the player, mind you. But I do think it's. Very tragic. Yeah of course "it's too late" in the sense that Siffrin's about to talk to Euphie and the whole journey will end, but moreso it's that by the time that Odile can piece together all the information necessary to figure Siffrin out, Siffrin is just far too deeply entrenched in his self hatred and fear of abandonment to be dug out. I think if Odile could somehow figure it out in, like, early ACT 3, or if Isabeau was just a bit more pushy in getting Siffrin to do a feelings talk, maybe they'd actually be able to reach Siffrin a little. But they're always just a little too late, every single time.
I think the fact that you start really getting a bunch of weird points in ACT 3 gives this event a lot of buildup. For potential dozens of loops you'll see Odile brush against the truth of the situation, and then just barely miss. By the time she figures it out, it's too late. Explodes
Expounded upon slightly more in tags bc I don't like typing in post bodies I feel like a fish on land. eek
#asks#ask game#ive been forgetting 2 tag my asks. smh#Sorry ocean that this took a while to answer i got lost in the sauce (rereading dialogue in rpgmaker)#i spent way too long writing this and i dont think i even touched on the guts of why this scene gets to me. tbh#it's just like. idk i've been there#doing shit not even really on purpose to kind of flag other people like Hey i'm doing bad#and then they're like hey are you doing bad and it's like. Oh fuck well now they know and they'll want me to die. i gotta get outta here#very relatable siffrin momence. never a good thing#like i realize that siffrin was literally like 'i don't think i want ur help' and then i kept calling their actions a cry for help#but like that's what it is. i can't read susquest as anything else. i don't think those two things contradict either#desire to be helped versus desire to not be perceived/not be a burden on others.#wanting help but not wanting to BE helped? does that make sense. am i saying words#it's like how loop wanted help so badly they lost everything in pursuit of it when all they had to do was be honest with their friends.#idk. kicks rock around#isat spoilers
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Saw a YT vid with the title, "Fandom Can't Handle Asexuality"
You're right, they can't... Because it doesn't fucking exist to them.
#aroace#asexual#enby people arent real either#we're told to stop using neopronouns and to stop being aroace bc 'nobody will take LGBT seriously'#keep being exclusionary#i dont want to be your friend if you're gonna act like that#I'm a genderqueer aroace person who's pronouns are it/its and you're gonna fucking respect that or be called a bigot#this shit has got to stop#also... because it matters#dont be ableist#ever. just dont#one of the main reasons i hate Alastor so much... is the fandom's treatment of him as a character#most of them completely erase his sexuality in favor of shitty crack ships.#I think a QPR with Lucifer or Rosie is a cute idea! but that's it#keep Vox pining for Alastor... that's great too#its like when I tried to erase Porter Gage's Bisexuality.... It was wrong and I've changed (Fallout 4's romanceable companions are cannonic#cannonically bisexual... I don't make the rules) I was just mad because someone had MY BLORBO in a disgusting ship and I got sick of seeing#it... And THEN I learned how to block tags!!!#idk where this is going#i'm just upset that aros and aces and enbys are erased#maybe it's a confirmation bias and i've just spent too long doing demographic research#i HATE demographic research#it takes me to disgusting places#i need to find my sewing patterns so I can refocus my energy into something good
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two nights in a row gripping ice cubes like i'm 14 this is fucking pathetic
#i feel like my bones are filled with concrete#i spent the day doing all the things i've been putting off#emails to orthodontist and dentist and accountant#found a gp to hopefully get a mental health plan set up with#and went searching for a psych#but fuck me that's been less that fruitful#it feels like a waste of time and energy and money#as soon as you set suicidal ideation as an issue the pool of psychs goes from 1251 to 152#and adding queer filters to that?#psychology today says go die fag#and of those how many do you reckon is eligible for the medicare rebate?#because i've emailed 4 and of those i think maybe 1 will be eligible#BUT!#they cost so much that even WITH the rebate I'd be paying $130 for a 50 minute session#it's just a waste of money#i could see a therapist every day and still see no improvement#medicare offers a rebate for 10 sessions IF i'm lucky#so that's $1300 for 50 minutes a month#i judt can't see how that's going to do anyone any good#alternatively i can sit down with rika and get my will sorted and that money can go somewhere useful#that math isn't right#it'd be $1800 for 50 minutes a month#even more wasteful#i think i'm better off finding a comfortable and private place to decay#mum might be mental but maybe she was right when she told me i should just kill myself when i was 14#i've been inhaling smoke for so long
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i have to go to bed very soon so instead i'm lying here being overcome by clintasha emotions
#i've spent today rereading bucky barnes gets his groove back and the clintasha chapter never fucking fails to send me into a tailspin#the shared history. their shared history. god#i love CNL and CNL is one of my top ships of all time#but man if clintasha by itself without anyone else and especially without any kids doesn't mean something so much to me#i will never be a normal person and neither will you and by fucking god we will warp each other beyond recognition to be abnormal together#we'll spend so long speaking in code that it becomes the only way we speak#i don't know what other people mean by trust but for me it's what you do#sb and l rambles#sb and l reads fic#mcu#mcu ideas#clintasha#there's a fic out there about nat time-travelling back after endgame and fixing everything#she saves all the other girls in the red room. she gets bucky out. she stops loki and thanos and saves the world#and it is good. and everyone is happy. and she gets a romance with maria hill#what does she give up for all of this good? there is so much good. and all she loses in this new timeline is her relationship w clint#i don't even think the author ships clintasha. but man if that doesn't sum them up#natasha can fix everything and can save herself and have sisters and be the hero she's never let herself dream about being#and all it costs is the absolute bone-deep fucked up secret language that is her relationship with clint barton#all it costs is her ability to be that close to another person. to only have one couch she allows herself to pass out on#''telling clint doesn't count. that's like talking to my right elbow'' indeed
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1/6
so i watched the One Piece live action and i swear my 14-16 year old self literally possessed me again so have my OC from 5 fucking years ago given a total revamp of design: Dolli Paintface! (yes i kept the name)
no this is not the end of the DSMP bullshit but you better believe you're gonna be seeing a lot more of this girlie she's legitimately one of my most comforting OCs and I can't fucking get out of bed i'm gonna be self-indulgent mkay?
so expect that.
also i hid at least 5 easter eggs in her design for her own lore and others so... yeah. if you wanna do that.
(p.s. my commissions are open!)
#this is definitely not my best work but i've spent too long crying over her#also i think i'm just very stressed about disappointing past me#also if anyone wants to take a random fucking stab at which lewis carrol character she and her lore are based on#that'll key you into a lot#but gosh i love her so much#i welcome questions#be prepared for some 14 year old me bullshit#but i do welcome questions#my art#art#artists on tumblr#one piece fanart#op fanart#one piece oc#one piece original character#oc: dolli#disabled artist#oc art#oc artwork#also i am so back baby#also i did not forget about the challenge
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I'm going to be bitching about Star for a while now. I'll tag them all with #asc spoilers, but really what the fuck was this book?
#morningtalks#asc spoilers#The biggest flop I've ever seen in the history of everything#How could you even fail this so badly? Where did you think these were good ideas?#The Icestar thing I'm personally miffed about because I genuinely wanted Froststar. Not for her happiness but because she's the only cat#Who felt like she had a bit of a REASON to be leader#Look for the less obvious choices. Makes a senior warrior they ALREADY CONSIDERED leader#While she was off on a whole other adventure in Another Book You Gotta Buy Now To Know What Icewing Was Up To#While the Real Plot Was Happening#Splashtail is dead already when she arrives#Do these fucking morons really just sit on their asses AGAIN up until Icewing arrives/Frostpaw wakes up?#Timeskips of hell. I hate it here#Berryheart's death is also one I am FURIOUS about#Woman Died For Her Daughter So Now She's Good and All Her Family Mourns Her#They really had to go Redemption Death for the most radioactive piece of garbage in existence#She spent THE ENTIRE ARC being an absolute shithead berating her son/trying to KILL her own daughter-in-law#Manipulating (or at least trying to) Sunbeam. Plotting against Tigerstar within and outside of ShadowClan#Was fully into the plan to trap Tiger and co ''because then she could fix ShadowClan herself and get River out''#This fucking book I swear I hate it so deeply#How do you fail such an arc?#How idiotic do you have to be to not let Sunbeam (and Spireclaw) deal with their rancid mother once and for all?#Why does Sunbeam still Love Her So Much after everything?#(okay I know Trauma and Parents and growing up within odd situations and how you still kinda love them)#But Berryheart was a Problem the entire arc#Why?#It is really just because Berryheart is Mom and this Has The Mom Instinct still?#You let some rando horrendous man kill his own daughter in SkyClan's destiny by accident. Why can't Sun and Berry fight?#I wanted some horrific death for Berry. One that would haunt Sunbeam for a long time and maybe if needed cement her choice#To not return to ShadowClan because it hurts#Yes I wanted SUNBEAM to kill Berryheart (or at the very least Spireclaw)
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operation "how much estrogen leeway do we have" has commenced and it's only been 2 days but i'm so frustrated my muscles are still acting like they've been through a marathon
#the past month has been trash and i've spent sooo many work days at home already this year#operation estrogen might fail which would leave us in an interesting place bc idk what the fuck he's gonna try next#except for a more radical surgery#which like. i'm down but endo seems to never get properly treated on surgery alone#though i guess mine might be if they surgically remove everything necessary to get rid of my periods#i'm just like#so frustrated by the way this takes time#and my endo is still like. comparatively not bad. and i've not struggled with it that long#relatively speaking#hiding from work helps a tad until i then have to return to work after an absence#i feel guilty about not being at work but i also just really want to have arms that don't feel like lead#i want to have energy for one after work activity once in a while#and like. my doctor is determined to get me there#they all keep telling me that it is important that i'm good and not just surviving#i'm just really tired#and i have to speak to the counselor tomorrow which#is good and mature but i truly don't fucking want to#i have fridays off to 'get more rest' but like#i do one thing on the weekend and it knocks me the fuck out#traitorous goddamn body#we shall see what the counselor says before i message my endo doctor agAIn but i don't think i'm any more capable of working full weeks#now than i was 4 weeks ago#i haven't worked a full week in the 6 weeks since school came back#rip to me#😔#some day my whiny text posts will be but a memory#i say as if i have any faith
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With the Bocchi Recap movie coming to the US in 2 weeks I thought it'd be fun to put together an outfit for it... maybe a simple cosplay.
There's 2 Bocchi characters I've been thinking of doing cosplays for in the future specifically, but I'm waaaaaay too self conscious to be going around in a dress quite yet so Kikuri is off the table for now so I guess I'm going with Bocchi's pink tracksuit and skirt.
(Time to info dump about costume search suffering woooooo)
This week after work I've been staying out to go shopping, seeing if I can possibly get some things locally. I was able to find the prefect shoes almost instantly so I have the price of those stored on the back of my head for later.
I havn't seen any places that have tracksuits let alone pink ones with a stripe down the sleeve. Part of me expected this so I did do some looking online and was able to find that Adidas has some tracksuits that look close enough, 3 sticking out in particular.
What's been a real issue tho, but not for the reason I'd expected, is the skirt. Of the 5 places I've gone browsing threw 3 of them didn't have any skirts for some reason? The 2 that did only had incredibly short denim ones.
2 of them have the tall collar but the colors are either so vibrant that it's basically magenta or so light that it's hard to tell that it's pink (which I just realized doesn't even have a matching set of pants like the others?)
The last one has the closest shade but it's collar is so short, I just don't like it (I want to be able to hide my face in that big dumb jacket collar)
The positive is they're all in my size, I just need to pick which one to go with.
I've periodically been trying to look for stuff online too but I'm so fucking lost, idk what I'm doing! I have never gone shopping for outfits proper.
All I ever wear is blue jeans I replace every 4-5 years, merch tshirts I get online from the media I like, and this cute vest thing I just stumbled upon while looking for thermals 2 winters ago.
And when it comes to costumes I've only ever sewn medieval/fantasy style costumes, I've never tried to put together anything contemporary, I'm so lost.
I don't know how to find fem outfits, all i need is a long navy blue pleated skirt T-T
Honestly, it is just a simple pleated skirt so I could totally just get the materials and a pattern at the local sewing shop and sew it myself, I could even hide pockets in the pleating.
I just don't have the energy to do that right now, I don't even have a proper sewing table in my office. I'd be sewing with my machine on the floor and I just don't want to do that.
If anyone's got advice or wants to hype me up to drag my sewing machine out please help
#I'm so fucking lost. atleast I was able to find some shoes for Bocchi's outfit that look perfect#I used to do cosplay before pandemic and I miss it and going to cons so much. I really want to get back into it again#Frin Speaks#I've spent way too long writing and rewriting this for no reason and have honestly started debating actually finding a dress to go as Kikur#A b&w varsity/letterman jacket is so easy to find and getting some fabric 'n sewin' a strip down the sleeves wouldn't be that hard either#If I manage to find a dress that'd fit for Kikuri (and fits me) before I find a simple navy pleated skirt I'ma grab that and go as her#wait shit her shoes.... do you think Kikuri would wear crocs?
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whoa whoa whoa. I don't know when exactly it is but I think my 10 year anniversary of being a fall out boy fan is coming up. oh my god
#not sure if I'm just happy to have spent my time with this band or if I feel old now. I'm not even 21 yet hello#both?#fall out boy#Whaaaaat#Anyways. I became a fan through centuries. Not super early or a long time after so within like 6 months of its release?#And I slowly listened to more of their stuff#I was a fan *by* 2016 for sure cause I have record of it#Plus I was here pre mania teasing#I think it feels like such a short time because I've only been around for 2 album release 0.o#no shade intended ily fob#I can't remember if I was a fan/a big enough fan when I saw big hero 6 in theaters#Hmmm#I wanna say it must've been around the time uma thurman came out or something#Lets go with like abaps birthday or something. That'll be my 10 year#Wow what the Fuck lol
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yeah, so i just finished cataclysm
#spoilers in tags#do not read unless you've already gone thru phase 2#the high republic liveblogging#the high republic spoilers#cataclysm#i am....... in agony#i spent pretty much the entire last 20 pages crying#I THOUGHT I WAS HEARTBROKEN WHEN AIDA ACTUALLY DIED. SO IMAGINE MY PAIN WHEN THE LAST LINE TO REFERENCE HER SAYS#''[ENYA ZIRI AND PHAN-TU'S LAUGHTER] ECHOED THROUGH THE TEMPLE HALLS AND MADE THE OTHER JEDI SMILE BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE AIDA'S LAUGHTER'#SHUT THE FUCK UP#SHUT UP#WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME#THE FIRST THING CREIGHTON DID WHEN HE WOKE UP WAS TRY TO FIND HER#I'M DISINTEGRATING AS WE SPEAK#WHAT THE FUCK#CREIGHTON TAKES ON ENYA???? THEY'RE GONNA HELP EACH OTHER THRU THEIR GRIEF??? HE BEFRIENDED THE MED DROID?????????#the entire funeral for the 3 fallen jedi had me fucking sobbing btw i was a mess#also. wasn't expecting this but axel's redemption did end up winning me over. i was so sure i would continue to hate him#he's very much in love w/ gella and that means i love him very much as well#cataclysm also keeps up a 2/2 record that it shares w/ convergence by way of:#gella nattai says a deeply profound and spiritually moving/comforting line in each book and it hits me right in my religious trauma#the whole 2nd half of the book was incredible. i quite literally spent about 7 hours reading it as fast as i possibly could#i'm not the biggest fan of certain parts of kang's writing but her strength ABSOLUTELY lies in describing battle scenes#those were the easiest to read battle sequences i've ever read in my life and that's out of the entire phase 2 + other prequel books#i think the only other book whose combat didn't confuse me was the 1st republic commando but it's been long enough that i'm not sure#chancellor greylark is so interesting i'm obsessed and also the end scenes w/ her and axel had me weeping like a babe#anyways. that's all for now#my posts
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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#i haven't been reblogging a lot about the war in gaza bc it's so deeply upsetting and i use tumblr as an escape#but my heart is absolutely shattering for palestine#the jewish side of my family has spent literal centuries being forced from one home to another#being killed in pogroms and the holocaust and by hate crimes#and seeing what israel is doing to Palestine makes me so fucking angry#i literally do not understand how people justify this in their minds#like yes the hamas attack was horrific and traumatic#but you think the correct response is to commit literal war crimes? bombing hospitals and schools? how the FUCK is genocide going to fix it#also i've seen people calling the hamas attack 'unprovoked' as though israel hasn't been beating Palestinians down for so long
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Sparkle Off! Miku (miku/lyric from kimagure mercy by hachiouji-p)
#every time I listen to this song it's the only fucking thing I can think about#go girl give us nothing!!#bits#vocaloid#hatsune miku#jerma985#also i had to cut a bunch of flashing text out of the video so this is a little choppy but#i've already spent too long on this joke already I refuse to try to clean this up more#flashing#also also the last line is a lyric from the song#you will go listen to kimagure mercy rn
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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while
#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress#and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that#but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min#and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble#sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day#and will be having them every day until at least august!
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