#also i did not forget about the challenge

[lilianne-tarot]

PICK A PILE: What do people feel when they look into your eyes?

How to Pick Your Pile: Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and look at the images above. Which one pulls you in the most? Trust your gut! Once you choose the image, The number below your chosen image is your pile. If more than one catches your eye, that just means there’s extra tea for you—go ahead and read both!

If you enjoyed this reading, get your own personalized paid reading here!😊🦋

For personalized 18+ readings, click here!

My Ko-fi link: here 🫶🏻

My Masterlist🫶🏻

── .✦ PILE I

cards pulled: The world reversed, 10 of wands, Ace of wands, 3 of pentacles, 2 of pentacles.

Hello pile 1! So starting off with your reading, your eyes hold weight. Like, people stare into them and feel this deep, almost overwhelming pull—as if you know things. You know when someone makes eye contact and immediately looks away? That’s why. Your gaze makes people feel exposed. 

Maybe, Your eyes look different depending on the mood you’re in. It’s almost supernatural. When you’re deep in thought, they can look distant—like you’re somewhere else entirely. But when you’re focused on someone? It’s game over for them. Your gaze locks them in place, and they suddenly forget how to breathe. Another hit I’m getting—your eyes glow in certain lighting. Like, maybe in the golden hour sun, or under dim lighting, there’s this otherworldly sheen to them. People notice it and get caught in a daze. You could be walking past someone, and they’ll turn back just to check if they really saw what they think they saw. (Hint: They did, and now they can’t stop thinking about it.)

But here’s the thing - your energy isn’t necessarily intimidating; it’s just unfiltered truth. People sense that you carry wisdom, resilience, and maybe even some silent battles that have shaped you. The World reversed tells me that people feel like you’ve seen life’s highs and lows, and it shows in the way your eyes hold untold stories. Some might feel comforted by that, but others? Oof—they go into a full-on existential crisis when they meet your gaze. people look into your eyes and get this weird mix of heavy emotions and admiration. Like, they see a depth that reminds them of their own struggles, but at the same time, they see someone who is still standing, pushing forward, making things happen.  But (and this is interesting), people also feel a need to prove themselves to you. The Three of Pentacles tells me that when people lock eyes with you, there’s this unconscious pressure to be better, to work harder, to impress you. Your eyes challenge people, like, “Are you really putting in the effort? Are you really stepping up in your life?” And some people LOVE that—they want to earn your respect. But for others? They shrink. They can’t handle being held to a silent standard.

Now, let’s talk about the fire in your gaze. Because it’s not all deep emotional weight and existential reckoning—your eyes also ignite something in people. The Ace of Wands is passion, energy, inspiration—your gaze has this spark that wakes people up. It’s like staring into pure potential—people look at you and suddenly start daydreaming about big moves, wild possibilities, and even risky choices they never considered before. Also... I HAVE TO SAY IT—some people get lowkey obsessed with you because your eyes make them feel ALIVE. Like, they weren’t even thinking about you that way, but now? They’re pacing their room at replaying that one glance you gave them. 😭. People can’t pin you down, and that drives them INSANE. Your gaze shifts between calm and intense, warm and unreadable, steady and playful—people never know what’s coming next. And THAT? That’s dangerous. They start overanalyzing, wondering, “What did that look mean? Did they just read my mind? Do they hate me? Do they secretly love me??” And now they’re in a full-blown mental crisis because of you.

Your eyes have this almost ethereal, timeless quality—like they’ve seen things beyond this lifetime. The Soft yet piercing contrast is WILD. Your eyes can look gentle one second, then suddenly hold a gaze so powerful it makes people nervous. They flicker between warmth and unreadability, and that unpredictability makes people obsessed.  I hope this reading resonated with you, Thank you for reading till here, i hope you have an amazing day! Sending you all the love and good vibes!

Liked the reading? get your own personalized super in-depth paid reading here!

── .✦ PILE II

Cards pulled: 9 of pentacles, Queen of swords, 9 of wands, Page of swords, Wheel of fortune.

HELLO pile 2! Okay, listen. Your eyes? They do NOT play around. Your eyes carry this deadly mix of wisdom, confidence, and just a little bit of "don't mess with me" energy. There’s an air of control—like you’re the one observing, assessing, deciding whether someone is worth your time. And BABY, people feel that. They know they have to come correct with you, or not come at all. Your eyes are DANGEROUSLY ATTRACTIVE.

Your eyes have that “I see through you” energy.  I am seeing so many words to describe you eyes, like Passionate, rebellious, playful but intense. These eyes command attention. They’re the type that makes people flustered or lose their train of thought mid-sentence. There’s also something undeniably seductive about them—not just in a romantic way, but in a “I can’t stop looking at you” way. Your gaze slices through the BS like a sword. People who are fake, insecure, or hiding something? They literally can’t hold eye contact with you for too long because they feel exposed (and maybe even a little judged). They are also Elegant but lethal. Your eyes have that old-money, untouchable confidence. You don’t even need to say "I told you so"—your eyes already did. I feel like, yall know HOW to use your eyes in your favour, and if not, i beg you besties to learn that😭you would literally unlock another whole level of magic.

I also see that your eyes scream self-sufficiency, like you know exactly who you are and what you bring to the table. People get the sense that you’re impossible to own—they either meet your standards or they’re dismissed. your eyes are so freaking sharp and observant, it’s almost unnerving. People feel like you pick up on everything—tiny changes in their tone, subtle body language shifts, the way their hands fidget when they lie. The wheel of fortune signifies the unpredictability of your energy. Your eyes don’t just see people—they make them feel like anything could happen. This tells me the mystery your eyes hold is a huge part of your personality. There’s a karmic pull—people don’t just glance at you and move on. Your gaze leaves an impact that lingers long after they look away.

Your eyes could Mysterious most of the times, even if you don’t try. Some people have deep, soulful eyes that pull you in and whisper secrets. YOURS is the king That tell people, “Try and figure me out. Good luck, though.” There’s a challenge in your gaze, and it drives people CRAZY. Just like pile 1, your eyes could also look different depending on your mood. When you’re calm, they’re collected, regal, and unreadable. But when you’re passionate about something? They light up like fire, and suddenly, everyone is hyper-focused on you. But they ALWAYS hold that sense of mystery to them.  I’m getting cat energy—sleek, unpredictable, untouchable. If you stare too long, it feels like you’re reading minds.

People feel drawn to you, not just for your looks but for the energy you carry, one that’s both mysterious and captivating. There’s a quiet confidence in your gaze that makes people want to know more, yet they also recognize that you don’t let just anyone in. Whether it’s admiration, curiosity, or a little bit of intimidation, one thing’s for sure—people don’t forget the way you look at them.That was intense, but I LOVED every second of it. 😭 Thank you for reading till here, i hope you have an amazing day! 

Liked the reading? get your own personalized super in-depth paid reading here!

── .✦ PILE III

Cards Pulled: 2 of swords, the moon, 8 of pentacles, page of cups, 9 of swords.

Omg. Okay. When people look into your eyes, it’s like they’ve suddenly stepped into a thriller movie. No, seriously. There’s a hypnotic depth here, which is too obvious. Pile 3, your eyes hold a mystery that people can’t quite put their finger on. There’s something dreamy, distant, and almost otherworldly about them

Let’s start with the obvious: People feel confused, intrigued, and just a little bit haunted when they look at you. Babe, you radiate the type of energy that makes people second-guess what they are doing. Like, they’re staring at you, trying to figure out what’s going on behind those eyes, and suddenly, they’re re-evaluating their whole existence. 💀 Your eyes hold secrets. Unspoken words. Feelings that can’t be named. They might see flickers of sadness, nostalgia, or even a past life connection that lowkey freaks them out (in a good way). But let’s be real—you don’t let people in easily. That 9 of Swords here tells me you’ve seen things. You’ve felt things. Your eyes carry the weight of emotions you don’t always verbalize, and people feel that heaviness, even if they can’t explain it.

But here’s the thing, they’re not just drawn to your depth; they’re drawn to your creativity, your softness, your quiet hope. The Page of Cups is giving, “There’s a dreamer behind these walls.” And omg, people can SENSE that. Your eyes have this soft, artistic melancholy, like someone who writes poetry or listens to sad indie songs while staring at the stars.  There’s something about your gaze that commands respect. People see work ethic. Strength. Determination. Your eyes say, “I’ve worked for everything I have,” and people feel that energy before you even open your mouth. It’s giving silent resilience. Like, someone could stare into your eyes and KNOW you’ve had moments where you were tired, drained, on the edge of breaking down—but you never did. And That’s powerful.

Some people, They straight-up don’t know what to do with your energy. They look into your eyes, and suddenly, they’re questioning if they should run towards you or run away. (The Moon + 2 of Swords energy is no joke.) There’s this magnetism, but also uncertainty. You give off that, “Come closer, but only if you’re ready to see the real me” vibe. And bestie, not everyone is ready for that level of depth. Now, I HAVE to say this: If you’ve ever been told, “You’re hard to read” or “I can’t tell what you’re thinking,” just know that it’s so real. People might assume you’re guarded, mysterious, or distant, but that’s just because they don’t realize how much is happening beneath the surface. And the funniest part? Even when you do show emotion, people still question if they’re seeing the full picture. 

People don’t just look into your eyes—they get lost in them. this pile is literally the most poetic and softest of the all the three. Some people see sadness, some see secrets, some see silent strength. But everyone? They see something. I hope this reading resonated with you, Thank you for reading till here, i hope you have an amazing day! Sending you all the love and good vibes!

Liked the reading? get your own personalized super in-depth paid reading here!

Thank you so much for reading all the way through! I hope my reading resonated with you and that you had a lovely time going through it. If you enjoyed it, please like and reblog—it really means a lot! Let me know which pile you chose; I absolutely love hearing your thoughts and feedback on my readings! If my reading resonated you, you may consider buying my paid reading as it would really help me out financially♡

Note: tarot cards provide guidance and possible insights into what could happen based on current energies, thoughts, and actions. the cards can highlight potential paths or outcomes, but they do not fixedly predict the future. this is a general reading so take what resonates!

[weaselandfriends]

Ender's Game (novel)

Is Ender Wiggin (pictured above as the little brother from Malcolm in the Middle) guilty of xenocide?

Actually, let's first answer a different, but related, question:

What game does the title "Ender's Game" refer to?

It's not as simple a question as it seems. There are three games that have a prominent role in the plot, all very different from one another.

The obvious answer is the Battle School zero-gravity game, where teams of competitors play glorified laser tag in a big empty cube. In terms of page count, most of the book is dedicated to this game. It's also the game depicted on the cover of the edition above.

Yet this game vanishes during the story's climax, when Ender is given a new game to play, a game he is told is a simulator of spaceship warfare. This "game" turns out to not be a game at all, though; after annihilating the alien homeworld in the final stage, Ender learns that he was actually commanding real ships against real enemies the whole time, and that he just singlehandedly ended the Human-Bugger war forever via total xenocide of the aliens. This is both the final game and the most consequential to the plot, despite the short amount of time it appears.

There's also a third game, a single-player video game Ender plays throughout the story. The game is procedurally generated by an AI to respond to the player's emotional state, and is used as a psychiatric diagnostic for the players. Of the three games, this is the one that probes deepest into Ender's psyche, that most defines him as a person; it's also the final image of the story, as the aliens build a facsimile of its world in reality after psychically reading Ender's mind while he xenocides them.

Because all three games are important, the easiest answer might be that the question doesn't matter, that the story is called Ender's Game not to propose this question at all but simply because the technically more accurate "Ender's Games" would improperly suggest a story about a serial prankster.

Fine. But why does the title use the possessive "Ender's" at all?

He does not own any of these games. He did not create them. He does not facilitate them. All of these games, even the simulator game, predate his use of them as a player, were not designed with him in mind, were intended to train and assess potential commanders for, ostensibly, the hundred years since the last Human-Bugger war.

It's in this question that we get to the crux of what defines Gamer literature.

These games are Ender's games because he dominates them into being about him. He enters a rigidly-defined, rules-based system, and excels so completely that the games warp around his presence. In the Battle School game, the administrators stack the odds against Ender, thereby rendering every other player's presence in the game irrelevant except in their function as challenges for Ender to overcome. The administrators acknowledge this in an argument among themselves:

"The game will be compromised. The comparative standings will become meaningless." [...] "You're getting too close to the game, Anderson. You're forgetting that it is merely a training exercise." "It's also status, identity, purpose, name; all that makes these children who they are comes out of this game. When it becomes known that the game can be manipulated, weighted, cheated, it will undo this whole school. I'm not exaggerating." "I know." "So I hope Ender Wiggin truly is the one, because you'll have degraded the effectiveness of our training method for a long time to come."

In this argument, Anderson views the game the way games have been viewed since antiquity: exercises in acquiring honor and status. This honor is based on the innate fairness inherent to games as rule-based systems, which is why in ancient depictions of sport the chief character is often not a competitor but the host, who acts as referee. In Virgil's Aeneid, for instance, the hero Aeneas hosts a series of funeral games (the games themselves intended as an honor for his dead father). Despite being the principal character of the epic, Aeneas does not compete in these games. Instead, he doles out prizes to each competitor based on the worthiness they display; his fairness marks him symbolically as a wise ruler. The Arthurian tournament is another example, where Arthur as host is the principal character, and the knights (Lancelot, Tristan, etc.) who compete do so primarily to receive honors from him or his queen.

In Ender's Game, it is the antagonistic figure Bonzo Madrid who embodies this classical concept of honor; the word defines him, is repeated constantly ("his Spanish honor"), drives his blistering hatred of Ender, who receives both unfair boons and unfair banes from the game's administrators, who skirts the rules of what is allowed to secure victory. Bonzo is depicted as a stupid, bull-like figure; his honor is ultimately worthless, trivially manipulated by Ender in their final fight.

Meanwhile, it's Ender's disregard for honor, his focus solely on his namesake -- ending, finishing the game, the ends before the means -- that makes him so valuable within the scope of the story. He is "the one," as Anderson puts it, the solipsistically important Gamer, the Only I Play the Game-r, because the game now matters in and of itself, rather than as a social activity. In the Aeneid and in Arthur, the competitors are soldiers, for whom there is a world outside the game. Their games are not a substitute for war but a reprieve from it, and as such they are an activity meant to hold together the unifying fabric of society. The values Anderson espouses (status, identity, purpose, name) are fundamentally more important in this social framework than winning (ending) is.

Ender's game, as the Goosebumps-style blurb on my 20-year-old book fair edition's cover proclaims, is not just a game anymore. Its competitors are also soldiers, but the game is meant to prepare them for war; the spaceship video game is actual war. And as this is a war for the survival of the human race, as Ender is told, there is no need for honor. The othered enemy must be annihilated, without remorse or mercy.

This ethos of the game as fundamentally important for its own sake pervades Gamer literature beyond Ender's Game. In Sword Art Online (which I wrote an essay on here), dying in the game is dying in real life, and as such, only Kirito's ability to beat the game matters. Like Ender, Kirito is immediately disdained by his fellow players as a "cheater" (oh sorry, I mean a "beater") because he possesses inherent advantages due to being a beta player. In an actual game, a game that is only a game, Kirito's cheat powers would render the game pointless. What purpose does Kirito winning serve if he does it with Dual Wielding, an overpowered skill that only he is allowed to have? But when a game has real stakes, when only ability to win matters, it is possible to disregard fairness and see the cheater as heroic.

This notion of the "cheat power," a unique and overpowered ability only the protagonist has, is pervasive in post-SAO Gamer literature. To those for whom games are simply games, such powers can only be infuriating and obnoxious betrayals of the purpose of games; to those for whom games mean more than just games, for whom games have a primacy of importance, these powers are all that matter.

That's the core conceit of Gamer literature: the idea that the Game is life, that winning is, in fact, everything.

What sets Ender's Game apart from Sword Art Online is that it creates the inverted world where the Game matters above all, but then draws back the curtain to reveal the inversion. The Buggers are, in fact, no longer hostile. They are not planning to invade Earth again, as Ender has been told his entire life. The war, for them, is entirely defensive, and Ender is the aggressor. And due to Ender's singleminded focus on Ending, on winning, on disregarding honor and fairness, he ultimately commits the xenocide, erases an entire sentient species from existence. He wins a game he should never have been playing.

The obvious counterargument, the one I imagine everyone who has read this book thought up the moment I posed the question at the beginning of this essay, is that Ender did not know he was committing xenocide. The fact that the combat simulator game was not a game was withheld from him until afterward. Plus, he was a child.

Salient arguments all. Ones the book itself makes, via Ender's commander, Graff, to absolve him of sin at the end. They're probably even correct, in a legal sense (I'm not a legal scholar, don't quote me), and in a moral sense. In real life, it would be difficult to blame a 10-year-old in those circumstances for what he did. But in the thematic framework of Ender's Game the book, these arguments are completely inadequate.

Ender has been playing a fourth game the entire story. And this is the only game he doesn't win.

A game is defined by its system of control and limitation over the behavior of the players. A game has rules. His whole life, Ender has been playing within the rules of the system of control his military commanders place upon him.

Their control extends even before he was born; as a third child in a draconian two-child-only world, his existence is at the behest of the government. Graff confirms this to Ender's parents when he recruits him to Battle School: "Of course we already have your consent, granted in writing at the time conception was confirmed, or he could not have been born. He has been ours since then, if he qualified." Graff frames this control utterly, in terms of possession: "he has been ours." He does not exaggerate. Since Ender was young, he has had a "monitor" implanted in his body so the army could observe him at all times, assess whether he "qualifies"; even the brief moment the monitor is removed is a test. "The final step in your testing was to see what would happen when the monitor came off," Graff explains after Ender passes the test by murdering a 6-year-old. Conditions are set up for Ender, similar to the unfair challenges established in the Battle School game; he is isolated from his peers, denied practice sessions, held in solitary confinement on a remote planetoid. It's all in service of assessing Ender as "the one."

Ender wins this game in the sense that he does, ultimately, become "the one" -- the one Graff and the other military men want, the xenocider of the Buggers. He fails this game in the sense that he does not break it.

The other three games Ender plays, he breaks. Usually by cheating. In the single-player psychiatry game, when presented with a deliberately impossible challenge where a giant gives him two glasses to pick between, Ender cheats and kills the giant. "Cheater, cheater!" the dying giant shouts. In the Battle School game, Ender is ultimately confronted by insurmountable odds: 2 armies against his 1. He cannot outgun his opponent, so he cheats by using most of his troops as a distraction so five soldiers can sneak through the enemy's gate, ending the game. At the school, going through the gate is traditionally seen as a mere formality, something done ceremonially once the enemy team is wiped out (there's that honor again, that ceremony), but it technically causes a win. Even Anderson, the game's administrator, sees this as a breach of the rules when Ender confronts him afterward.

Ender was smiling. "I beat you again, sir," he said. "Nonsense, Ender," Anderson said softly. "Your battle was with Griffin and Tiger." "How stupid do you think I am?" Ender said. Loudly, Anderson said, "After that little maneuver, the rules are being revised to require that all of the enemy's soldiers must be frozen or disabled before the gate can be reversed."

(I include the first part of that quote to indicate that Ender all along knows who he is really playing this game against -- the administrators, the military men who control every facet of his life.)

Ender beats the war simulator game in a similar fashion. Outnumbered this time 1000-to-1, he uses his soldiers as sacrifices to sneak a single bomb onto the alien's homeworld, destroying it and committing his xenocide. Ender himself sees this maneuver as breaking the rules, and in fact falsely believes that if he breaks the rules he will be disqualified, set free from the fourth game: "If I break this rule, they'll never let me be a commander. It would be too dangerous. I'll never have to play a game again. And that is victory." The flaw in his logic comes not from whether he's breaking the rules of the game, but which game he is breaking the rules of. It's not the fourth game, Ender's game, but the war simulator game, simply a sub-game within the confines of the fourth game, a sub-game the fourth game's administrators want him to break, a sub-game that gives Ender the illusion of control by breaking. When Ender tells his administrators about his plan, the response he receives almost taunts him to do it:

"Does the Little Doctor work against a planet?" Mazer's face went rigid. "Ender, the buggers never deliberately attacked a civilian population in either invasion. You decide whether it would be wise to adopt a strategy that would invite reprisals."

(And if it wasn't clear how much the administrators wanted him to do this all along, the moment he does it, they flood the room with cheers.)

Ender wins his games by cheating -- by fighting the rules of the game itself -- and yet he never cheats at the fourth game, the game of his life.

In this fourth game, he always plays by the rules.

In the inverted world of Gamer lit, where games define everything, including life and death, it's a common, even natural progression for the Gamer to finally confront the game's administrator. Sword Art Online ends when Kirito defeats Akihiko Kayaba, the developer. In doing so, Kirito exceeds the confines of the game, not simply by ignoring its rules and coming back to life after he's killed, but by demonstrating mastery against the game's God. Afterward, Sword Art Online truly becomes Kirito's Game, with nobody else able to lay claim to the possessive. Kirito demonstrates this control at the end of the anime by recreating Sword Art Online's world using its source code, completing the transition into a player-administrator.

(Though I wonder, how much of a class reading could one give to this new brand of Gamer lit? If classical games were told from the perspective of the one who controlled them, then is there not something innately anti-establishment in Kirito overcoming the controller? This is the gist of many other death game stories, like The Hunger Games, though none of them may be the most sophisticated takes on the subject, more empty fantasy than anything else.)

Ender never fights or defeats his administrators. He never even tries, other than rare periods of depressive inactivity. He doesn't try even though the option is proposed to him by Dink Meeker, an older student whom Ender respects:

"I'm not going to let the bastards run me, Ender. They've got you pegged, too, and they don't plan to treat you kindly. Look what they've done to you so far." "They haven't done anything except promote me." "And she make you life so easy, neh?" Ender laughed and shook his head. "So maybe you're right." "They think they got you on ice. Don't let them." "But that's what I came for," Ender said. "For them to make me into a tool."

Instead, Ender finds comfort in the control exerted on his life. When sent to Earth on leave, he seeks out a lake that reminds him of living in Battle School.

"I spend a lot of time on the water. When I'm swimming, it's like being weightless. I miss being weightless. Also, when I'm here on the lake, the land slopes up in every direction." "Like living in a bowl." "I've lived in a bowl for four years."

Because of this, Ender never cheats against Graff. He could; Graff states several times that Ender is smarter than him, and the fact that they have Ender fighting the war instead of Graff is proof he believes it. But Ender never considers it. He never considers gaming the system of his life.

If Gamer literature emphasizes the inversion of the world order, where games supersede reality in importance (and, as in Sword Art Online, only through this inverted order is one able to claim real power by being a Gamer), then Ender's Game acknowledges both sides of the inversion. For Ender, the games he plays are not simply games anymore. The psychology game, the Battle School game, the war simulator game; all of these he must win at all costs, even if it requires disrespecting the foundational purpose of these games. But his real life? Ender wants that to be a game, craves it to be a game, can't live unless the walls slope up around him like a bowl, can't stand it unless there is a system of control around him. He does what Graff tells him, even though he recognizes immediately that Graff is not his friend, that Graff is the one isolating him from others, rigging things against him. He does what Graff tells him all the way up to and including xenocide, because Ender cannot tell game from real life. That's the core deception at the end: Ender is playing a game that's actually real and he doesn't know it -- or refuses to acknowledge it, since nobody has ever tricked the genius Ender before this point.

Actually, that's not true. They tricked him twice before. Ender twice attacks his peers physically, with brutal violence. The administrators conceal from him that he murdered both his foes; he simply thinks he hurt them. The only way to trick Ender is to do so in a way that insulates him from the consequences of his actions. The only way he will allow himself to be tricked.

So, is Ender guilty of xenocide?

Under it all, Ender believes he is.

The dying Buggers, after reading Ender's mind, recreate the psychology game in the real world. The story ends when Ender finds this recreation, yet another blurring of the lines between game and reality.

The psychology game is different from the other games Ender plays, because nobody expects him to win it. Its purpose is not to be won, simply to assess his mental health. Yet Ender approaches it like the other games, cheats at it and systematically kills all his enemies until he reaches a place called The End of the World. (Another End for Ender.) His drive to win, to dominate, does not come solely from the pressures of the system around him, but from deep within himself, which is what Ender fears the most. But it is here, at The End of the World, where Ender finds atonement, both in the game and in the game-made-real. In the game, he kisses his opponent instead of killing them, and reaches a resolution he is happy with. He stops playing the game after doing this, though the game seems to continue (when an administrator asks him why he stopped playing it, he says "I beat it"; the administrator tells him the game cannot be beaten). It is through this act of love that Ender can escape the game-like system of control that puppeteers him no matter how smart and clever he is or thinks he is.

In the game-made-real, Ender finds his atonement in the same place, The End of the World. The Buggers left for him here, in this place that they (reading his mind) understood as the location of his mercy and compassion, an egg that can repopulate their species. Through this egg, Ender is given the chance to undo his xenocide. But that chance is also contingent on what The End of the World means to Ender, an end to the game, not simply the games he plays but the fourth game, the game of his life. Ender's Game.

[thekhloediary]

Hate That I Love You

Nicholas Chavez x Reader

Hi guys! So I wanted to challenge myself and write a fic that was more than just smut (it’s still here lol) but with a lot more plot, slow burn, and fluff. What did Taylor say? It’s a love story. I really, really enjoyed writing this one and hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think! -Khloe ♡

❝ Some feelings never go away…❞

I wanted him to tell me that he would always love me. I really wanted him to understand. I knew that I was breaking his heart along with mine, but I still wanted for us to be okay. If only we could have just been okay. Maybe that was unrealistic. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. I just know I never wanted him to hate me.

But what I wanted wasn’t what I got.

You’re so fucking selfish were the words that hit me hard. The explosive sound of the door slamming hit me even harder. It was the sound that rang through my ears and echoed through my heart long after he was gone. The sound that told me that we were really over.

And it was all because of me.

All because I chose my dreams. Why couldn’t he just understand that choosing what I loved didn’t mean that I didn’t love him. I loved him so much. But ever since I was a little girl in my first ballet class, all I wanted to do was dance. It was my joy, my passion, and when I got into the performing arts school of my dreams, it was no question. I had to go. But going meant transferring schools and moving across the country to New York. It also meant leaving him.

It had been three years since I left, and while I didn’t regret leaving, I still had those unavoidable moments where ‘what ifs’ occupied my mind. What if we never broke up? What if we had made it work? What if we were still together now? What if…

The truth was, I never stopped missing him. I had a lot of things that made me happy—dance, school, an exciting job, an amazing apartment, and a great group of friends. But I still felt incomplete, like a puzzle with a missing piece. No matter how much time passed or how happy I was in life, there was a dull ache in my heart that never seemed to completely go away.

I still loved him.

I probably always would.

He was my first real love—the one who I thought I’d be with forever. The one who was impossible to forget. I can still remember our first encounter like it was yesterday. I was 18 and at a college party that my best friend talked me into going to. I wasn’t much of a party girl and I rarely drank, but I decided to go with her, and it ended up being the best decision ever because I met him.

Nicholas.

The party was still going strong well into the night with no sign of ending anytime soon. I was ready to go, but my best friend had told me another hour, two hours ago. We shared many similarities, but when it came to partying, we were very different. My best friend was the definition of the life of the party, while I had a good time at parties, but I definitely didn’t party hard.

I was sitting on the couch with a soda when someone came and stood right in front of me.

“A soda?” he spoke, his voice low and teasing.

I looked up to see the most handsome guy looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“What’s wrong with a soda?” I asked, glancing at the canned soda in my hand before returning my attention to him.

“It’s a party. What fun is a soda?” he smirked.

“Oh, I didn’t know beverages had fun,” I said with a small laugh.

He smiled and chuckled. “No? Have you not met beer? How about vodka? She’s a real good time,” he joked.

“I’m not much of a drinker,” I admitted with a shy smile.

“That’s cool,” he shrugged easily. “Be the exception.”

I couldn’t stop laughing. He was really charming and funny. And he was insanely attractive. He had the most perfect smile and the dreamiest brown eyes I’d ever seen.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked, already taking a seat beside me.

“Now what if I had said no?” I teased, turning to face him fully.

“You wouldn’t have,” he told me with a knowing smile. “You’re happy for the company. You and your soda looked so bored when I was walking past, I just had to come over. I would’ve felt bad if I didn’t.”

“Enough about my soda,” I laughed. “What are you drinking?”

“Rum and coke,” he raised his cup and gave me a playful smile. “See? I like soda too.”

I laughed again and then leaned in a bit. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“What’s that?”

“I’m not really big on soda either. I wanted a bottled water but there wasn't any in the cooler.”

He let out a disapproving sound and shook his head. “You’re killing me.”

“I know,” I pressed my hand against his chest and tapped playfully. “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know why I did it. It was a bold move touching him like that, but something in me wanted to. He lit a spark in me. He looked down at my hand and then back up to eyes with a smile that indicated he didn’t just mind it—he liked it.

And I already found myself liking him.

“So, tell me, does the pretty girl with the soda have a name?”

I blushed. “Y/N.”

He smiled. “Nicholas.”

That was how our love story began. I couldn’t imagine if I decided not to go to that party or if Nicholas didn’t come up and talk to me. The stars were aligned when we met that night; they brought us together, and every day for the next two years felt like a dream come true.

Then came the dreaded day when it went away.

Back in the present, I shook away the memory and gathered my things before leaving the dance studio where I worked. I had just finished teaching a class and didn’t have another until tomorrow. The rest of my day looked like rest and relaxation.

Before heading home, I made a stop at one of my favorite coffee shops. They made my favorite iced matcha latte, and whenever I was in the area, I couldn’t resist getting one. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee greeted me as I entered. It was a little busy with the afternoon rush, but patience was a virtue and their matcha was the best, so I didn’t mind.

After placing my order, I stepped aside to wait. I was scrolling through my phone when I heard the barista call out a name that made me look up. I nearly dropped my phone when I saw who was approaching the counter. My eyes had to be deceiving me. There was no way it was actually him. But the more I looked, the more I realized I wasn’t seeing things.

It was really him.

It was Nicholas.

Shock was an understatement. I was frozen in place, like a deer caught in headlights. I had no idea how to react, and it seems that Nicholas didn’t either when he saw me. He was visibly shocked and didn’t move for what felt like a long time. The barista called his name again and he politely apologized, snapping out of his trance-like state.

I know it was the last thing I should've been focused on, but I couldn’t help but notice he picked up two cups and wondered who the other was for. Was he seeing someone now? Of course he was. It had been three years and any girl would be lucky to have him. I was lucky. The thought of seeing him with someone else now hit me like a punch in the gut.

When my legs finally decided to move, I grabbed my almost forgotten matcha and walked over to Nicholas. My heart raced as I stood in front of him. He was still so unbelievably handsome, even more so now. How was that even possible?

“Nic?” I said his name disbelievingly, still trying to convince myself that it was really him. “What are you doing here? Well, not here in the coffee shop… I mean here in New York,” I rambled and suddenly felt like an idiot when all he did was stare.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, but this was the worst. Was he really not going to speak? Not even a hello? At the very least, I thought I would receive a greeting. This coldness wasn't something I was prepared for. Unsure of what else to say or do, I just gave him a small smile that he didn’t return. And he still hadn’t said anything. The silence was growing more uncomfortable, and I was seconds away from leaving when I heard an approaching voice that I instantly recognized as his sister’s.

“Y/N! Oh my God!” she exclaimed, her voice bubbling with excitement as she pulled me into a hug.

I hadn’t seen Nicole since before I left for school. We still kept in touch through social media, but we obviously weren’t close like we’d been when Nicholas and I were together. I knew through Instagram that she was getting married, and then it dawned on me that was probably why they were here in New York.

“Look at you. Still so pretty, girl,” she smiled.

“No, you,” I smiled back.

She grabbed one of the drinks Nicholas was holding and took an eager sip. “Hello caffeine. Exactly what I needed. This morning has been so busy.” She then squealed excitedly, “I’m getting married tomorrow!”

“Congrats, Nicole.” I said, genuinely so happy for her. “I know it’s going to be so beautiful.” Inadvertently, I looked over at Nicholas, who was now looking down at his phone with an expression that said he wanted to be anywhere else but here right now.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Nicole smiled and then her eyes suddenly lit up. “Wait, are you busy tonight? We’re having a bowling party instead of the usual rehearsal dinner. It’s gonna be a lot of fun. You should totally come.” She glanced at Nicholas. “We would love that. Right, Nic?”

“Sure.” He finally spoke, not even bothering to look up from his phone.

He didn’t want me to go.

I didn’t either.

But since she invited me.

“Okay,” I agreed despite myself.

“Great! I’ll send you the address and see you tonight.”

I gave her a parting smile before I made my way to the door. I couldn’t help but notice Nicholas still had the same tight expression on his face when he finally looked back up. With a heavy sigh, I pushed the door open and left.

It wasn’t too late to change my mind, right?

I should have and just made an excuse that I couldn’t make it. That’s really what I wanted to do, but later on when she sent me the address and expressed her happiness, I decided to go.

When I arrived at the bowling lounge, the party was well under way, with music and happy sounds of everyone enjoying themselves. I sent Nicole a text to let her know I was here, and she met me at the entrance a few moments later.

“So happy you made it,” she said, giving me a quick hug before adding, “I know it might not seem like it, but my brother is too, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.”

I wanted to believe it, but the earlier encounter with Nicholas in the coffee shop didn’t give me much assurance that it was true. I hoped for the best but anticipated the worst again.

We walked over to the bowling lanes and she introduced me to everyone, a few familiar faces. They were all wearing matching bowling shirts and reality struck me that although I was here, I wasn’t a part of their lives anymore, no matter how much I still wanted to be. Nicholas surely reminded me of that.

I spotted him talking with someone near one of the lanes. When I waved at him, he just gave me a quick nod and carried on with his conversation like I was nobody who mattered. He didn’t want me here, and it was painfully obvious. It was still hard to believe that this was us now. I remembered how he would look at me like I was the only girl in the world. Like I was the center of his universe.

Now he acted like I didn’t even exist.

As the night went on, I tried to just ignore how Nicholas was making me feel and focus on having a good time. After bowling, the party moved upstairs to the karaoke section of the lounge. One of Nicole’s bridesmaids had just finished a song when Nicholas headed towards the front. I watched him as he scanned the song selections and chose the one he wanted.

With a bright smile, he picked up the mic. “This is for someone special. She knows who she is.”

Was he talking about me? I suddenly felt nervous.

It didn’t take long to get an answer.

He looked right at me as the instrumental to Bon Jovi’s You Give Love a Bad Name started to play.

My heart immediately sank.

Like most humiliating moments, it felt longer than it actually was. The song seemed to go on and on, like a slow torture, my heart sinking deeper and deeper as Nicholas sang the song to me.

Shot through the heart and you’re to blame…

…you give love a bad name

I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. There was a gleam in his eyes, like he was actually enjoying this. I sat completely mortified, and even more so when it suddenly felt like every pair of eyes in the room were on me. I could’ve sworn that I even heard a few whispers. Then Nicole gave me an apologetic look that somehow made me feel even worse. Sparing myself further embarrassment, I got up to leave.

Standing outside the lounge, I fought back tears. Crying on the New York City streets wasn’t something else I wanted to add to my humiliation. The only thing on my mind now was why did I even come. I had never been more humiliated in my life. How could he do that?

I was reaching for my phone to request an Uber when the door opened and Nicholas walked out.

“So, you were just going to leave?” he asked.

Was he serious? After what he just did?

“Nicholas, please. Just leave me alone,” I said quietly as I walked off. I was embarrassed, emotional, and I couldn’t deal with anything more. I got maybe two steps before his hand closed around my arm.

“No.”

“No?” I shot him a look of incredulity.

“You heard me. No.”

“God, you’re a fucking asshole,” I told him as I reached my limit with the way he was treating me. Did he have to be such a dick?

He scoffed and let go of my arm. “That's a bit rich, coming from you.”

“Say what you will, Nicholas, but I have never done anything intentionally to hurt you. And I never would. That, in there, was fucked up.”

“Let’s not talk about fucked up.” he said, visibly becoming more agitated.

I sighed. “Nic, I’ve tried to apologize so many times. You never wanted to hear it. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I know I left, but it’s been three years and I just thought—”

“Thought what? Thought that everything was good now?” He interrupted, letting out a humorless laugh.

Silence.

“You know what really kills me…” he said, running a hand over his face. “It’s the fact that after all this time you still don’t get it. How don’t you fucking get it?! It really blows my mind that you don’t get that it was never because you left but how you just blindsided me with a breakup.”

His gaze pierced into mine, his eyes filled with hurt and anger that suddenly broke something inside me.

“All I ever did was love and support you. How could you make a decision for me, for us, without even a conversation with me? You got your acceptance letter and then the next thing I know is you’re telling me we can’t be together anymore. That was just it. You want to talk about fucked up? That was fucked up.”

The more Nicholas released, the more I wanted to break down and cry.

Because he was right.

Because I’d hurt him.

Because I still loved him.

“Two years together and you just fucking ended it. Just like that… like it meant nothing.”

“No, Nic…” I started, the tears that I’d been trying to hold back falling. “It wasn’t just like that and it meant everything. Believe me, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I loved you so much. I didn’t want to end things.”

“Yea, but you did. And the way you did it…” He shook his head. “I deserved better.” He made a motioning gesture between us. “We deserved better than that.”

“I’m sorry.” I sobbed. “You’re right. I should’ve done it differently. I wish I did. But even if I had, Nic, tell me how it would've worked?”

“Maybe it wouldn’t have,” he admitted. “But I know I wouldn’t have given up on us without trying.”

“I’m sorry.” I told him again.

“Yea, you’ve said that.”

“And I’ll keep saying it until you believe it.” I reached for his hand. “I never ever meant to hurt you. I’ve spent the last three years still thinking about you.”

I felt a bit of resistance before his hand finally held mine. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, the weight of everything we’d said hanging heavy in the air. As I looked into his eyes, I watched him struggle with whatever was going on inside him. Anger? Maybe forgiveness? Did he believe me? I didn’t know, and as much as I wanted to ask, I couldn’t find any words. All I could do was make the most of this moment with him, holding his hand, not wanting to ever let it go.

Then I heard Nicholas release a heavy sigh.

“Why am I doing this…” he said quietly, more to himself than to me.

Before I could ask what he meant, he leaned in and kissed me, taking me by complete surprise. It was a kiss that, for a moment, was soft and almost hesitant, like he wanted to pull away. But when he couldn’t fight it, and when I kissed him back, the kiss became heated, a mixture of shared passion and frustration. I felt his hand move to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. Any thoughts of doubt and hesitation faded as our tongues touched and bodies pressed even closer. For a fleeting moment, it was just Nicholas and I again. No problems. No worries. Just us.

And then it was over. He pulled away slowly, his eyes dazed like mine, like we’d both just woken from a dream that once seemed so close, but now was so far away. Once upon a time, we were deeply in love, living our very own fairytale, and now, I’m not sure what we were—if we’d ever be anything again.

“I gotta get back in there,” he said quietly.

I nodded silently.

Nicholas looked at me, his deep brown eyes reflective, like he wanted to say more, but without another word, he turned and went back inside. My Uber arrived shortly after, and when I got into the car, I sank into the back seat and shut my eyes.

What really just happened?

The next day, I was still thinking about Nicholas and the unexpected kiss. I couldn’t stop it from replaying in my head. I wondered what it meant, if it meant anything. He had been so cold towards me and then… he was kissing me? I couldn’t make sense of it. My mind was racing with questions I had no answers for and thoughts I couldn’t escape.

I had just gotten home from work that evening when my phone chimed. I glanced at the screen, and to my surprise, it was a text from Nicholas. It was five words that stopped me in my tracks and made my heart skip a beat.

I need to see you.

An hour later, he was standing outside my apartment door. I had no idea what to expect after yesterday, but I was certain that I couldn’t handle things going left. I breathed deeply and silently hoped that everything would go right.

I opened the door.

“Hi,” I said, stepping aside to let him in.

“Hi,” he replied, putting his hands in his pockets as we fell into an awkward silence.

“Can I take your jacket?” I offered when the silence went on for a bit too long.

“Oh yea, sure.” He took off his jacket, handing it to me to hang.

“How was the wedding?” I asked as we walked further into my living room. When we were both seated on my couch, I noticed that he sat a bit closer than I would have thought.

“It was really nice,” he said with a smile that warmed my heart. “I’ve never seen my sister happier than she was today.”

I smiled back. “I can’t wait to see pictures. I know it was beautiful.”

Nicholas was quiet for a moment. “Look, I came here to say that I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday.”

“It’s okay.” I said softly.

I didn’t like what happened, but I knew it came from a place of hurt—hurt that I had caused. Maybe he just wanted me to hurt too. But I had already been hurting since that day when I told him we couldn’t be together anymore.

“It’s not okay,” he said. “I could’ve handled it better. I was, in fact, a fucking asshole.”

We both looked at each other after he repeated my words from yesterday and let out a laugh. Sharing a laugh with him felt good. I missed it.

I missed him.

“I don’t want you to hate me, Nic,” I said quietly.

“I don’t hate you,” he admitted. “I’ve tried to. I really did. But I never could. I think I hated that I still loved you. I was angry with you for a long time, and seeing you again brought it all back…”

Nicholas trailed off for a moment, trying to find his next words. It was a short silence before he spoke again.

“I felt angry about the past,” he said, letting out a deep breath. “But then I couldn’t get you out of my head, and all I wanted to do was kiss you. At the wedding today, you were the only thing on my mind. I guess it just hit me that the reason I could never hate you is because…”

The room fell silent again as he looked into my eyes. My heart was racing and my stomach was suddenly in knots as I anticipated what his next words would be—words that I thought I’d never hear him say again.

“…I still love you,” he finally said. “I don’t think I ever stopped.”

My heart nearly stopped beating and it felt like the air had left my lungs. The words echoed through my head, impossible to forget. Oh my God, he said that he still loved me. I almost couldn’t believe it was real. Was it real? Maybe I’d wake up to find it was all a dream. It sure felt like one.

Then it happened again, Nicholas leaned in and he kissed me. Only this time, it wasn’t unexpected. It wasn’t uncertain. It was the kind of kiss that said more than words ever could. It was everything that I had missed, wanted, and never wished to lose again. I could kiss him forever if I had the chance.

Kissing quickly turned into passionate touching, my hands roaming his body—over his arms, his shoulders, his back, the feel of him sending a rush of heat through me. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt, desperate to get closer to him, and he quickly pulled it over his head and tossed it somewhere behind him. My breath hitched at the sight of his smooth skin and hard muscles, the veins in his arms making my mouth water.

“Somebody’s been in the gym,” I smiled, running my hand over his chest and down his abs.

He smiled back, a sexy smile that was appreciative and assured. “Just a little something.”

“Not so little,” I teased, my hand traveling further down, stopping at the waistband of his pants.

Nicholas chuckled softly as he stood up to take off his pants, my eyes following his every move. He reached out to grab my hand, pulling me up from the couch and standing me in front of him. He kissed me again, deep and demanding, as his hands moved to lift my shirt and unhook my bra, both falling to the floor.

The feel of his lips on mine, the taste of kiss, the way his hands explored me—everything about the moment had my body screaming for more. I moaned between kisses, dripping in arousal. I felt his hands slide down my back, and then over my ass, grabbing it firmly, pulling me closer into him. With our bodies pressed together, I could feel him hard and ready. It sent a rush of anticipation through me so intense I nearly shuddered.

“Your room,” he said, his voice rough with want.

I reached for his hand and led the way. We couldn’t get there any faster. I needed this. I needed him.

All of him.

His body covered mine as he pressed me down gently against the bed. He wasted no time kissing me again, hands all over me, like we couldn’t get close enough fast enough. He kissed from my mouth down to my breasts and then further to my stomach. Each kiss and every touch had my body on fire. The years had passed, but the burning passion between us was still there, like a flame, burning intensely and nonstop.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I whispered.

“I can’t either,” he whispered back, placing a kiss right below my navel, making my stomach clench.

Then his kisses went lower.

He held my gaze as he slowly slid my shorts and panties down. The intense look in his eye made me burn with anticipation.

“You missed me?” he asked, his hands pushing my legs further apart as he lowered his head between them. The feel of his breath against my skin was enough to make me quiver.

God, yes. He had no idea how much I missed him. How much I missed this.

“Tell me how much,” he pressed, kissing along my inner thigh. “Tell me how bad you want it.”

I wanted it so bad I was nearly desperate.

“So fucking bad,” I managed to say through breaths.

His mouth was so teasingly close.

“You know,” he whispered, placing another wet kiss to the inside of my thigh. “I can still remember how you taste.” Another kiss. “How you used to sound.” And then another. “How it would drive me crazy.”

“Nic, please,” I whimpered.

He didn’t make me wait any longer.

The first feel of his tongue sent a rush of pleasure surging through me, making me gasp. His mouth was always amazing, but now it felt even better than I remembered. With my eyes closed, my head fell back against the pillows and a soft, breathy moan escaped me.

“That’s it,” Nicholas groaned, his voice low and rough. “God, I’ve missed that fucking sound.”

I wasn’t going to last long. Not with the way he lapped at my wetness with his tongue, first soft and then with more pressure. Not with how his fingers moved inside me, stroking that sweet spot within. Not with the way he licked and sucked my clit, stimulating every single nerve ending. No, I wasn’t going to last long at all, each lick and each touch bringing me closer and closer.

“Nic,” I gasped. “Fuck,”

I felt it coming. He did too. His hands gripped my thighs, holding me in place as his lips closed around my clit and sucked in such a way that it made my entire body shudder. I didn’t just see stars, it felt like I was ascending to another dimension. It was beyond any orgasm he’d ever given me before. It was almost too good and I nearly cried in pleasure when his tongue didn’t let up and took me back into the stars.

Oh God.

I lay breathlessly, my body still trembling from the mind-blowing orgasm. I felt him press a soft, loving kiss against my thigh before he came back up and kissed me, his lips glistening with the taste of me on them.

“This is real, right?” I asked softly, a part of me still believing this was all a dream that I was going to wake up from any minute now.

Nicholas grabbed my hand and guided it down to feel him. Full. Hard. Ready. “I promise you it is.” he said just as softly, letting out a low groan as I stroked him gently.

“I’ve missed you so much,” I told him.

And then he slowly pushed into me, our eyes meeting when he was fully inside. One look at him and I knew he felt it too. How perfect this all was. How it wasn’t just sex but our love story continuing.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “You feel even better than I remember.”

And so did he. It was amazing, almost overwhelming, the intensity of everything I was feeling. His words, the sounds of his breaths, the way he hit every right spot in every right way, made me feel an emotion so strong it almost brought me to tears.

“I love you,” I whispered, meeting his every stroke with a rock of my hips. “I never stopped.”

We moved together in perfect rhythm. My walls hugged him tightly, pulling him in closer, wanting him to feel just how much I wanted him. How much I loved him. How much this moment meant. Each stroke of his seemed to convey the same thing as he thrust into me again and again, bringing me closer and closer. I was almost there.

A little deeper.

A little harder.

A little more.

And I was crying out his name, the pleasure rushing through me so intensely it left me trembling.

“Oh, my God,” I moaned breathlessly, my arms wrapped tightly around his back, holding him close.

It was at that moment that Nicholas reached his peak and a rough groan ripped from his throat as he filled me completely.

“I love you too,” he said, his body collapsing against mine.

Nothing could’ve felt better.

In the quiet moments that followed, Nicholas held me in his arms. With my head resting on his chest, I listened to the steady beating of his heart. Tonight had been nothing short of perfect, and all I could think of now was how I wanted to make it last forever. Where did we go from here?

As if he could read my thoughts, Nicholas pulled me closer and placed a soft, reassuring kiss to the top of my head. “We’ll figure it out together this time.”

His words melted my heart. Our love story was far from over. It was a new chapter being written.

This was just the first page.

Tagging all the Nic girlies I follow ♡ @oliviaambs @torikitten @anemoiars @iamsebastiansstan @fiftyshadeschavez @chavezwifeyy @nicholaslut @nickchavezs

[ickyrafe]

real housewives of OBX…

cw -> housewife!reader & mean!rafe, unhealthy marriage.

when you sent in your audition tape, you weren’t expecting much. you were bored and looking for something to do. someone to talk to, rather. even if it’s just the clunky camcorder you found in rafe’s office.

because although you may have the biggest house in the neighborhood, it’s also the most empty with him tending to his business and doing whatever he does to keep you in designer. all you know is that the distance between yourself and all the richer, more spoiled and older woman in the area suddenly felt much greater when you sat down in front of the camera— you were sure the producers wouldn’t want some twenty-something airhead on their show but oh, they did. your tape received a glowing review and an enthusiastic email from the network, and you had no idea how to tell your husband.

you’ll never forget how angry he was.

“are you— are you fucking serious right now? i leave you alone for one day and you pull some shit like this? y’know what this means, right?” he paced around you while you sat on the sofa, hands nervously folded in your lap whilst being scolded like a troublesome teenager, “a camera crew, inside the house— all fuckin’ day, nonstop! i can barely get a break from you and now i got this shit to worry about.”

needless to say your knees and poor jaw were both sore that night. you worked for his forgiveness, all the way up to filming day.

“rafe…” you carefully approach his desk, tiptoeing in your most expensive heels. the pair he bought you in italy, the pair you nearly cried and started an argument for… how could he forget? his approach to all of this has been pretending that it isn’t happening. hiding in the house broodingly was the only option, especially when most of the crew appears to be men— in his home, against his wishes. “they want to get a few shots of us together— and um, a confessional or two.”

“yeah? y’told me that wasn’t part of the deal.” he looks up at you from his paperwork, eyes narrowed and challenging. you did say that… but you were told the ratings would be better if the rafe cameron made an appearance, and you can’t help but agree. “tell them to fuck off— i bet you already have ‘em wrapped around your finger, anyway.”

“rafey, please!” you whine desperately. you saunter closer before leaning over him, wrapping your arms over his shoulders and around his neck while purring in his ear. that always works�� “don’t ya wanna show them why you’re the one with the trophy wife and they aren’t?”

at that, he takes a deep breath. in the next second he’s turning his head, eyes instinctively falling to your perfectly glossed lips before he meets your sultry gaze and exhales one last sigh…

“jesus christ— fine,” he shakes you off of him but you don’t mind. not when you’re doing your little happy dance. he straightens his collar, snarling. “you owe me a lot more than that fuckin’ mouth this time.”

a word from anaïs ♥︎ — this is an AU i’ve been thinking of starting for a bit now, and debuting it around april fools felt perfect and just as unserious as it is… i hope you enjoyed it. toodles xoxo

[loulou-land]

Congrats on your milestone!!

I'm not good at giving prompts but here it is: Salbucktommy with possessive Sal and Buck over Tommy. I also want to see them head over heels for Tommy, who has them wrapped around his little finger!

Hope that inspires you to write something... and if it doesn't, that's more than ok!

🧡 🧡

Dani! Thank you so much 😭💚 You’re the sweetest and I’ll never forget you were one of the first lovely humans to welcome me into bucktommy nation and talk to me about Brilliant minds.

Thanks for sending a prompt! I swear I set out to write exactly what you wanted but uh…instead, it took a mind of its own, Sal grabbed the reins and well this happened. I really do hope you still enjoy this salbucktommy and keep an eye out because I loved exploring their dynamic and definitely plan to write some more of them.

💚💚💚

They’re at their usual Queer-friendly bar, having opted out of joining their respective teams at a Badge & Ladder. They’ve wanted a night to themselves for weeks now and after a streak of conflicting shifts and canceled plans, they’ve finally carved out a night just for the three of them.

Sal’s come straight from a shift, still smelling faintly of smoke, while Buck and Tommy are twenty-four hours into a rare shared off.

Tommy just went to the bathroom, leaving Buck mid-ramble about something—Sal had stopped tracking the topic ten minutes ago in favor of trying to keep up with the game’s score. Something about the history of…Sailors tattoos? Or was it fire codes in New York? He's not sure. Buck had a way of diving headfirst into topics like they were burning buildings and half the time Sal just lets him go. It’s distracting as hell, but also weirdly endearing.

Suddenly, Buck’s steady stream of words cuts off. Sal glances at him, concern building up in him when he follows his line of sight and ahh. Some stocky, overly confident guy has intercepted Tommy on his way back from the bathroom. The guy leans in closer and Tommy, to his credit, looks relaxed, even amused.

“Easy there, Cujo.” Sal murmurs, noting the way Buck is all tightly bound energy at the moment. “Don’t go off maiming any ankles. I like this bar, don’t wanna get blacklisted.”

Buck frowns, bouncing slightly on the barstool like he’s ready to launch. “You seriously okay with some random asshole flirting with Tommy? I mean, who does that? Just stops someone coming from the bathroom—”

Sal shoots him an unimpressed look, as he takes a long sip of his beer. “Tommy can handle himself. ‘Sides I know exactly who he’s gonna be under tonight and whose hands it’ll be on him. Don’t you?”

Buck startles as Sal’s boot hooks around his ankle under the table—slow and deliberate—and his cheeks flush red. He’s never known anyone so capable of undressing him with his eyes like Sal does. That look Sal’s giving him…makes him feel stripped bare in more ways than one. Seen in a way he never was before. Until them. Tommy and Sal.

“Y—yeah. I know that. Just…”

Buck’s eyes flick back to Tommy, tracking the way he tilts his head and nods at something the other guy’s saying. He doesn’t look uncomfortable. But Buck still bristles.

Sal watches him with something close to fondness and worry. Watching the way Buck slightly hunches in on himself, looking unsure. He sighs.

These two—emotional wreckage wrapped in muscle and good intentions—so in love with each other they lose their heads the majority of the time. They really did a number on one another. It’s a wonder Sal fits in at all with them. This whole thing working far better than they believed it would. But sometimes, adding a third to a relationship doesn’t complicate things. Sometimes, it completes them.

Besides, these two idiots need a lot of loving. And if that has to be up to him…well he ain’t exactly complaining.

He glances back at Tommy, and their eyes lock—something sparking between them, part challenge, part question. Tommy’s lips twitch, and Sal feels his own curve into a smile before he can stop it.

Bastard, he thinks, fond. Playing us like a damn fiddle.

He feels heat pool low in his gut and suddenly, he needs to be back home. With both of his men.

Time to move this along.

He reaches across the table, fingers curling under Buck’s chin, gently tilting his head until their eyes meet.

He smirks as Buck’s eyes widen and his mouth parts, pretty pink tongue darting out to wet his lips.

“Baby, go get our man,” Sal says, voice low. “Time to head home.”

Buck nods quickly. “Uh-huh. Yeah. On it.”

He doesn’t move.

Sal arches a brow.

Buck jumps. “Tommy. Right. Okay.”

He slides off the stool, nearly tripping in his rush, but stops when Sal calls, “Hey, sweetheart?”

Buck turns, cheeks flushed, eyes already dilated.

“No maiming,” Sal says with a wink.

Buck visibly shudders. “No promises,” he mutters, but grins and sticks out his tongue at Sal, savoring the low chuckle he gets in return before weaving through the crowd toward Tommy. His heart hammering with all the filthy possibilities the night promises.

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack the NSFW Platformer

Imagine if Sunny Day Jack was a NSFW platformer game instead of a NSFW visual novel.

Content Warning: This post is full of smut with a sprinkle of yandere horror on top for a bit of spice. I know it goes without saying with a title and opening line like that, but I like to cover my bases.

You know about NSFW platformers, right? The MC runs around doing the usual platforming gameplay stuff, but whenever they get hit, the enemies have sex with them. I've never been a big fan of the implied dubious/non-consent aspect of those kind of games, plus there's some mixed signals here. I mean, getting hit is what you try to avoid in those games, yet the fail state becomes the reason why we play NSFW platformers in the first place. Even without the discomfort of dubious consent, that seems kind of backwards to me.

I know that we're here to watch the MC have sex in kinky creative ways when playing a NSFW platformer, but I think the concept can be improved. Enthusiastic consent makes everything a hell of a lot sexier you know. Why not have the game be centered around a scenario where MC is just as eager as the player to go down to pound town?

Instead of enemies being the source of the lewdness like usual NSFW platformer games and inserting dubious/non-consent, the player can instead choose to summon Jack at any time for some enthusiastically consenting spicy fun. Consent is baked into his character, and we all know that he's always ready to show his sunshine lots of love anywhere at any time. It can even be the game's healing mechanic.

Yes, I know it might lessen the challenge of a platformer game when you can heal yourself at any time at the press of a button, but the point of NSFW platformer games is just having an excuse to watch the MC get railed. I prefer my thinly veiled excuse for sexy times to be consenting, thank you very much.

Jack could even use the various level settings and backgrounds as props for different animations. He could also have different initial commentary depending on how injured the player is.

Jack: Oh my gosh, Sunshine! Don't worry, I'll help you feel better right away. Just relax and let me take care of you.

Jack: Oh dear, that looks like it really hurts. Leave it to me, Sunshine, I'll make sure you forget all about it in no time at all.

Jack: My poor, Sunshine. Here, let me kiss that booboo all better for you. And I think this spot could use a kiss too. And here too. Can't forget here either...

Heck, the player can summon Jack even when their life bar is full.

Jack: Sunshine, you don't seem to be injured. Why did you call...? Oh... I see, you're not hurt, you're just aching for my love right now, aren't you?*amused, throaty chuckle* That's okay, you know I'm always ready to make you feel absolutely amazing. Come here.

Jack: Oh? Not ready to say goodbye yet, Sunshine? *chuckle* That's okay. You know I'll never get tired of showing you just how much I love you. We can make love as many times as you like.

And other such commentary, plus smutty comments during the act itself as Jack heals MC thoroughly with his love~!

The cutscenes don't necessarily have smut, but a lot of flirting and banter between Jack and MC. Mostly just bonding as a couple and enjoying each other's company for some fun character interaction. Also he gives tips on beating the upcoming boss.

The yandere part comes in when MC loses all their health bar. Instead of a game over, while MC is unconscious on the ground, the screen starts to glitch and Jack's sprite appears, now distorted and terrifying. The background itself starts to warp in unsettling ways, growing darker and the colors more muted.

Jack: *glitchy and angry* I know you wanted to deal with things yourself, Sunshine... but I just can't stand back and watch these monsters hurt you anymore.

Cue creepypasta-esque distortions and the horrors.

Then boop, everything pops back to normal in a snap, the screen cleared of enemies, and MC slowly wakes up, confused. Jack, now back to normal, kneels beside them, helping them up as he cuddles them close. He's a bit shaken up and clingy.

Jack: Easy now, Sunshine. I know you want to get back up and try again as soon as possible, but you need to rest and let me heal you first. That's it... just let me take care of you. I'll make you feel so, so good.

Jack: You've worked so hard for so long and you've been hurting so much. I might not be able to fight in your place, but I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe. I love you so much, Sunshine.

There's probably no lives system, not unless dying too many times makes Jack totally snap to yandere mode, resulting in a bad end. Though, really the "bad" end is him convincing MC to abandon their quest to keep making love to him endlessly. It's just an excuse for more sexy times with some yandere spice on top.

In that case, each time Jack goes yandere mode, he's a bit scarier and kills off more enemies in the level. Like the first time it's just the screen they're on, then each time spreads the effect beyond the surrounding screen. It'd leave for some creepy moments of MC running through an empty world until they find enemies again.

Of course, Jack is clingier each time he heals MC back to full health, with more possessive, needy, and downright desperate dialogue until finally he can't take it anymore.

Jack might be able to heal MC at any time. He might be able to rescue them when they're in trouble, but he just can't watch them hurt themselves anymore.

Jack: I'm sorry, but this is for your own good, Sunshine.

At this point Jack takes them into a pocket zone that they can't escape from. Maybe Cloudy Town themed with some faintly warped colorful scenery. The bad end is just him convincing MC to forget about continuing the quest. After all the pain they've been through, they just decide to give in. Endless sex with their lover, even when he's in scary yandere mode is soooo much better than the pain of dying repeatedly after all.

Jack: There now... isn't this better? You don't have to hurt anymore. You don't have to fight anymore. All you need to do is feel. Feel the way my hands caress you. It feels so good, doesn't it? You don't have to hurt or ache anymore. You can just focus on my hands, my lips... my cock...

Jack: Oh, Sunshine. My precious, perfect, beautiful Sunshine. You don't have to worry about fighting anymore. Just forget about all about that silly quest. Forget about anything else. None of it matters anymore. All you need to do is focus on me and how I make you feel.

Jack: That's it, Sunshine. Take my cock, just like that. Oh God... It feels so good. It... it's better this way, isn't it? We don't have to leave if you don't want to. It can just be you and me. It can just be me pounding my cock into your pretty holes... kissing every inch of your aching body... making you scream my name. I can make you feel like this forever.

Hmm... really, Jack's dialogue might be a lot more unhinged, yandere, and demanding than that by this point in a bad end, but eh, you get the gist. Regardless, MC makes it clear to the player that at this point they're done fighting and only want to feel good with Jack now.

Naturally the good end also involves sexy times with Jack. Victory sexy times. I mean, this is a NSFW game. Sexy time scenes are the entire point. And you know Jack will want to celebrate his sunshine's victory the best way he knows how - a gratuitous full screen CG sex scene.

Contrasting with the bad end, the good end is softer, more loving.

Jack: You did it, Sunshine! Oh, I knew you could.

Jack: Now that you've saved the day, it's time for some well earned rest. You can relax and let me take care of you from now on. *seductively* After all, a hero like you deserves your reward, don't you think?

Jack: That's it. Oh, Sunshine... my brave, mighty hero. You're so beautiful, so courageous. You're so wonderful.

Of course there'd be more exchanges between MC and Jack in the dialogue. Banter makes the intimacy more fun after all. This post is mostly just ideas from off the top of my head as they come to me.

Speaking of endings, I can think of at least one secret one in this kind of game. It's mostly for the hardcore gamer crowd who likes a challenge. In this case, if the player never gets hit and never summons Jack for sexual healing, the ending scene is a just a bit different. Jack still appears during cutscenes to banter with MC and encourage them like usual, but he gets just a little pent up by the end of each level. Maybe even dropping hints how they shouldn't be afraid to rest sometimes, and he's always ready to show them just how much he loves them.

By the time the player beats the game, Jack is just ready to burst. He's just so messy and needy and overwhelming MC with praise as he gives them their reward.

Jack: Oh fuck, Sunshine. I need you so, so badly. I can't wait anymore. Please... please...!

Oh, also, any enemies on the screen probably stop what they're doing to watch while Jack is healing MC, so we get bonus exhibition kink. It might even result in some different positions/animations as Jack intentionally puts on a show when there's other characters around to see. And maybe some leaning on the 4th wall since he's showing off sexy times to the player.

Knowing Alice, she wouldn't be summoning Jack for sexy fun healing times unless there were no enemies on screen. She'd summon him even when fully healed sometimes too, since his love heals more than just her body~

If an enemy projectile would hit the MC while they're in "healing" mode, the attacks are deflected. Like it gets interrupted by Jack's supernatural powers with some yandere hints or something. Or all enemies freeze completely, attacks disappear, and everything becomes a show of Jack healing MC. I dunno. This is just a bunch of silly ideas I'm giving off the cuff. I'd have to put more thought into the details if I was to make this game a reality.

If I had the spoons to program and animate a 2D platformer, I'd be tempted to take a crack at this kind of super self-indulgent smutty game, or at least make some mock screenshots. Of course, I'd have to use Alice as the MC, since there's no way I could create every permutation of MC if they have a sprite visible on screen for sexy times.

Hmm... maybe a character select screen to choose between Alice, Arthur, or Ace... Though that'd still be a ridiculous amount of different sprites to animate in various positions of sexy times with Jack.

Sadly, since I simply lack the spoons for such an undertaking, the world will just have to settle for this ramble. Maybe I'll inspire someone to take a crack at it. Maybe I'll just write a short story full of game tropes and shameless smutty OPT indulgence someday. Who knows?

In any case, I hope you enjoyed this spicy game concept of Jack repeatedly seducing MC while they try to save the world or something in a video game platformer.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[welcometogrouchland]

♫ I do what I want/Crying in the bleachers and I said it was fun/I don't need anything from anyone ♫

(ID in Alt) you guys ever think about your own posts and get upset?? Anyway Damian Wayne I love you I'm so sorry your life is like that

[cat-dragron-arts]

"That priority change is rejected."

[candycryptids]

Got tagged a *while* ago by @fairygodpiggy for this fun challenge- "What's your Favorite Spot/Vista in each Expansion?"

A Realm Reborn: 📍 Upper La Noscea, Wanderer's Palace [With Levraut]

Heavensward: 📍 Azys Lla, Quarantine Block [Chuu + Tuesday]

Stormblood: 📍 The Azim Steppe, Reunion (or, y'know, right outside of Reunion-) [Khorloo and Yol]

Shadowbringers: 📍 The Tempest, Achora Heights [Ishi'li, and Feo Ul]

Endwalker: 📍 Radz-at-Han, Mehryde's Meyhane [Mochiie, and Aysel+Aybora, who belong to @ser-corviknight]

Dawntrail: 📍 Urqopacha, Panaqpelu Retreat [Tangy + Wuk Lamat]

I won't be tagging anybody personally BUT ! If you feel inspired to take on this challenge (It *IS* very fun!) feel free to tag me so I also see it /)v(\

[blyszczopies]

and that's why i enjoy talking with you

[cleromancy]

sexiest and funniest thing roy harper ever did was look at dick grayson and go i could fix him

[discjude]

Yeah this is about right (as always my thoughts are in the tags so there's actually kei content there lmao)

[vvitchering]

Trying to do an Astarion romance run as a card carrying Gale Enjoyer is hard, holy shit,,,,,

[skrunksthatwunk]

stole this chart from @asubakaa and spent wayyy too much time making my own so. yeah. also i did 6 instead of 5 bc i know no restraint

[thepoisonroom]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by StraightioLab (@straightiolab)

i know that watching videos of podcasting is cringe in a true self/false self way but as someone who also over-psychoanalyzes cishet boyfriends who "aren't on social media" this spoke to me

[beachyserasims]

♡ Episode 9 | GENEVA ISLAND

♡ Autumn woke up and talked with Sean, Judi, and Rowan all morning, enjoying the company of good friends. On her one-on-one with the new islander Justin, her first impression of him is that he is off in dreamland.

♡ Judi spent the morning chatting with Sean, Autumn, and Rowan. When meeting Justin, her first impression is that he is utterly charmless.

♡ Jasmine talked with Blakes and helped him cook all morning. When he asked her to be his girlfriend she accepted without giving much thought, because she wants Blakes to herself after the Sophie incident. When meeting Justin, she accepted his flirting. She became upset to see Blakes upset with her, and she questioned moving too fast. Her head was an a swivel all night between the two boys.

♡ Rowan likes to work out every morning to keep up his physique for not only his job but also his rugged hobby lifestyle. He spent the morning helping cook and chatting with Sean and Judi. When he met the new islander, Justin, his first impression is that he is reasonable.

♡ Sean woke up hungover, which he seems to do often. His looming fear of failure and death catches up to him every morning as he continuously has nightmares of losing what he worked hard for back at home. That, and he is nervous that the experience will be a waste of time. He met Justin and thinks he is reasonable because of how similar they are to each other.

♡ Blakes woke up and talked with Jasmine before making breakfast with hers and Rowans help, and asked Jasmine to be his girlfriend which she accepted. He doesn’t like Justin and thinks he is in dreamland. Later, he caught Justin flirting with Jasmine and it made him very upset.

♡ Justin entered the Villa and had one-on-one time with each girl while they played a game of chess. He met Autumn and had the first impression that she is pretentious, and gave her a suggestive look while they played. When he met Jasmine, his first impression of her is that she is funny, and he thinks she is very charming.  He met Judi last, and thought she is not his type. When meeting Sean, he thinks he is sophisticated and likes his style, and thinks Rowan and Blakes are both imaginative. In the evening, he flirted with Jasmine.

The Start || Episode #1 || Previous || Next