#fuck you andy

[hailsatanacab]

DPxTheOffice

"He's gonna sell it all 'cause he's Danny Phantom"

that's so fucking funny, i hate how much i love this!! i have made it way too long, rip to my five sentence rule - there's such a goldmine of content here lmao

👻

"I'd say it's been going on for... about a month now?"

"Two months," Sam interrupts. "It started just after your parents came in, remember?"

"Oh, Ancients, yeah, them. I can't believe I forgot that."

"Yeah, dude, it's thanks to them that this all started!" Tucker's practically vibrating in his chair, far too cheerful about the whole thing.

"Yeah," Danny sighs, looking directly into the camera. "Thank you, Mom and Dad. Thank you very much."

"Danny's parents are ghost hunters, which, as you can imagine, got Michael very excited. And very into ghosts. He accused Meredith of haunting him the other day, now he keeps spraying her with holy water and yelling 'Begone, foul spectre!' He's really taken a liking to Danny's parents."

"Can't imagine why."

"Yeah, and then—then—" Tucker dissolves into laughter, wheezing as he tries to catch his breath. "Then he brings in that personal trainer! In her yoga pants and crop top, with a pilates ball and everything! Sends her over to—to see Meredith, and then—oh Ancients—then when the woman leaves and Meredith is still there, he locks himself in his office and blasts the Lord's Prayer!"

"We think he mispelt exorcist. Hired someone in exercise instead."

"Exorcists are all phoney, anyway! And PTs are only slightly less phoney, so make sure you do your research and get someone that actually knows what they're doing before you commit, kids." Danny says, pointing down the camera. "That's how I got so jacked."

Both Sam and Tucker share a look before bursting into even more laughter. With a soft smack on his arm, Sam can't help but tease, "Please, you're 5'4" and look like you'd break your arm if you ever picked up a ream of paper. No wonder your sales are so low."

"Wow, that's so rude. I can't believe you'd do me like that. I'm 5'4 and a half, thank you."

"That's right, babe, and we love you for it."

Their laughter peters out and the trio slowly pull themselves upright in their chairs, remembering the cameras and the story they're meant to be telling.

"Honestly, thanks to these guys, the past few weeks have been a nightmare."

"Now who's being rude? At least this is one of those fun nightmares that you can laugh about later."

"Nope, this is a normal nightmare that everytime you think you've woken up from, you get back to work and see your boss dressed up in a hazmat suit that your parents sent him and realise that actually, maybe the real nightmare was the work colleagues you made along the way."

"Oh. Yeah, that sounds about right, sorry, Danny."

Tucker puts him on the shoulder and stays silent for a grand total of five seconds before turning back to the camera with an ecstatic grin on his face and a deep breath.

"Anyway, everytime one of us goes into Michael's office, we sneak something off his desk and blame ghosts. Sam's hidden some speakers in the ceiling that play recordings of her crying on a timer."

"I should have been an actor. I also got some of the warehouse guys in on it, so everytime Michael goes down there they'll throw a box or two around and make some ghostly moans. Didn't even ask why, they just agreed."

Sam's back to looking very proud of herself. Danny's back to cradling his head in his hands.

"Is that why Boxy's been about lately? Guys, seriously? I need to sleep!"

The only answer he gets is a shrug as Tucker turns back to the camera.

"Oh, and I've also installed a script on his computer so that whenever he types the word 'ghosts'—or 'goats', again, he's not really great at typing—his screen starts getting all staticky and closes down. He shrieks everytime, it's so funny!"

"I wonder if he'll go with a different PT to exercise his office next?"

"We should suggest P90X—your office ghost free in three months or your money back!"

Sam and Tucker are both burst into laughter, sinking deeper into their chairs as Danny just shakes his head. It takes a solid minute for the two to calm down, and more than one pointed question from the producer to get them back on track.

"Where's it going? Does it really have to go anywhere? Can't the joy of the bit be destination enough?"

"I wish it would go away," Danny groans, still not lifting his head. "I get enough of ghost hunting in my free time, I don't need it here, too."

"I've changed Danny's employee file to list him as deceased just to see how long it takes Michael to notice."

"Seriously? Tucker, really? That's—"

"Genius, Tuck. And then we can be all: 'Michael, what are you on about? Danny's been dead for three years!' I can't wait to see his face!"

"You guys know that Dwight's going to actually try to end me if he finds out, right? Pretty sure Dad slipped him a Fenton blaster before he left."

"You know what they say," Tucker says, grinning directly down the camera, "'Gaslight, Ghost them, Get pranked, boss!'"

[andro-dino]

UPROOTED EPISODE 4 TEN DEAD FIFTEEN INJURED

[circusinarun]

HOLY SHIT?!?!

HOLY SHIT?!?

I'M GONNA REDRAW IT TODAY

[creaman]

Peacocking noun [u]

1. Ostentatious dress or behaviour employed by a man in an attempt to impress women.

… or another man.

[magic-glasses]

Me desperately wanting andy x readers after watching alien: romulus but knowing he’s autistic + black, tumblr will favor the neurotypical white main character and treat andy like a 5 year old

[likephantomzforever]

i hate when bad bitches with glasses get lasik.

you know who you are.

[axolotlclown]

Ok, none of you know what's going on. None of you understand why so many women and young streamers are stepping forward right now. None of you understand why this has to be public.

Multiple large streamers have used their fame, influence, and money to manipulate and abuse those they see as below them. So long as they continue to have fame, influence, and money, this cycle will not end.

This is bigger than just individual cases of sexual assault or other abuse. This is a break down of a much larger problem within the entertainment industry.

These women are telling stories about very powerful men in this space. They are sharing stories of abuse and manipulation. This is very scary for them—it could ruin their careers or lives.

Stop saying "they should have handled this privately." This isn't a private matter. So long as these men have power, they will hurt more women. They aren't sorry. They won't play fair.

By trying to stay silent and bury these accusations, you are ensuring these women never know peace. You are ensuring that more women get hurt.

One day your boss will assault you, and all the men in your life will blame you for waiting as long as you did to speak about it. They will find any reason to blame you. They don't want to get rid of your boss. They hope that one day, they can assault a woman just like you.

This is fucking serious. This is real life. This isn't just some fucking fandom drama that we can bury and move on from. These are real life issues that require real meaningful discussion.

Stop trying to discredit these women just because your streamer is in trouble. You are part of the fucking problem.

[andi-o-geyser]

babe hey babe wake up. babe. babe they got them. they got the barriers. babe listen to me they have the toothpick barriers. the fucking toothpick barriers.

[avephelis]

piss family arthouse gift exchange for @bandy-andy PEACE AND LOVE and a smidgen of angst ON PLANET EARTH

also other versions because my ass couldnt decide on the shading ermm. we ball.

[stabknives]

Ok i have to talk about how Andrew seems. How do i put this. Hornier? For Ashley, than Ashley is for him- which i find both extremely funny and narratively fascinating. Also how Ashley views sex as transactional let's go:

Ashley is obsessed with Andrew, that's obvious, blah blah we don't even need to get into it; but when the topic of sex arises, we mostly only see her pursue it as a means to an end. She suggests that she may be able to escape the apartment through a pregnancy, or procure money through acting as a call girl whilst in the motel. 

Each time, it's Andrew who expresses disdain and stops her from going through with what would otherwise be a rather clinical approach to sex on her end. Ashley puts very little stock in the worth of sex, and seems to border on completely uninterested in it. 

Even with Andrew, she internally suggests it matters very little to her. She could take or leave sex with him, so long as he stays around. But Andrew is far more keen on sex and sexual practices; he's apparently (decently) popular with woman and is self described as "not celibate", much to Ashley's chagrin.

When Andrew brings up sex, it's never tactically, like Ashley. When he asks his girlfriend to put up her hair, or bitterly refuses to allow Ashley a sexual partner- even when it would benefit them both AND wouldn't bother her at all- it's just. So telling. So. Indicative of SOMETHING about him. He's the one that's always touching her, and how deeply red he flushes after the dream sequence is insane... And! The way he has an internal space in his mind dedicated to Ashley HARASSING one of his ex's, furious over the fact that she can't give him the sex he so clearly enjoys. Is. We'll say 'hilarious', instead of 'pitiful'.

[the-tombstones-were-waiting]

so heard the new fall out boy song…

and i am very sane and normal about it

[vaguely-concerned]

I think the most defining thing about kremy as a person is that he desperately wants to be a man with a mustache -- while being physically, biologically incapable of producing hair follicles lol. like no wonder he takes to drag so much, that's basically most of what he's already doing with his outward identity! and the physical aspect of that is smaller, I feel, than what he's got going on psychologically. he's someone who doesn't want to be -- can't be? -- who and what he is, and who can't be what he wants to be because what he wants to be doesn't really exist, so he lives his life somewhere on the border between them. the almiraj might be no mirage, but the perfectly clever and charming and utterly untouchable version of kremy that kremy would like to be -- instead of the vulnerable neurotic mess of longing and fear and striving for control he clearly actually is -- absolutely is, I'm afraid. it's just a shadow on the wall with nothing real to cast it.

(all of this also goes into the many Gender and trans readings of him too, of course! men will say they’re fighting demons and the demons are trying to live up to a very specific brand of toxic masculinity they've sort of invented for themselves lol)  

the one deep down entrenched assumption we see kremy make again and again especially interpersonally is that if he's open with who he really is and what he feels or thinks at any given time, he would be revealed as fundamentally unacceptable and at best discarded and abandoned, at worst endangered. (it's literally spelled out with the cyclops in the witchlight carnival, but you see him go through this process all the time through the rest of the story too! being unable to lie or dissemble was a catastrophic event in this dude’s inner landscape. I’m sure that means nothing) and because he is also frequently kind of awful this assumption may not be entirely off base some of the time lol (deeply affectionate), but I think it comes from a much deeper place than that. kremy is ashamed of where he's from and who he's been -- that dirt poor wide-eyed kid from the swamp who saw all the fancy gentlemen in town and Wanted. wanted to be that, wanted to have that power, probably some confused sexuality want mixed up with it all as well for spice. wanted more than anything, perhaps, to BE something, because next to that he feels like nothing. which means abandoning the earnest kid who guilelessly loved unicorns and his meemaw and cooking without meaning to impress anyone and silly soft things in the swamp he came from while he went off to the big city and modeled himself after men like garou. (and his relationship with garou surely also had some effects on just how shifty he's become at intimacy too, aside from the building a facade of it all, that might be some secondary damage that was not his fault nor in his control at all)

even when he's acting seemingly shamelessly, he is fundamentally a shame-based psychology, is what I'm trying to get at. the only times he lets his thoughts and emotions out into the world unfiltered is when he's brought to a point of frustration where he throws up his hands and abandons manipulation or subtle machinations as an interpersonal tactic -- see: the several times he argues something with frost or gricko and then finally admits 'I literally don't actually care about this! you guys figure it out and deal with this if it matters so much to you I'm going to bed ffs' haha. his depression shines through when he’s too tired to hide it, especially in the later episodes. every open emotion is an admission he really didn't want to make and thinks is tactically disadvantageous for him. (and sometimes when he's being really for real he'll even admit to being worse than people gave him credit for, like when he admits he suspected mr. witch and mr. light were capable of doing something really really bad to torbek and handed him over anyway. kremy being that blunt and open is like. remarkable and also a sign that he's actually taking it seriously, for all that he's also revealing himself to be even more of an asshole than previously suspected lmao. that's not nothing, for kremy. BUT at the same time he is also the person who cried to see a unicorn broken and abused, and who saw something in gideon upon meeting him that no one else did or cared to at that time and offered him genuine companionship and support �� as the story goes on he’s starting to admit to more things about himself, the bad and the good.)

all of which of course also is why he's having such a hard time being honest with gideon about how he feels (and the sheer immensity with which he feels it too, probably) -- that's incredibly vulnerable for a person who’s built himself up around the idea of never being vulnerable. ('i'm just a shadow, nothing you do can really touch or hurt me.') And yet if there’s peace and redemption to be found for kremy, if only within his own soul, between these versions of himself, I feel that discovering and accepting his own capacity for loving someone else so much that it transcends all selfishness or fear would be integral to it. (he loves gideon. So much it makes me a bit dizzy you guys)

[andytheaspec]

Inspired by the brownie discussion (using that term liberally) at @fuck-you-showerthoughts

[patrickstumpsbbg]

New Member???

[adanceofdeathandrichez]

In 2013 MCR was sacrificed for the return of Fall out boy and ten years later Fall out boy returns again and P!ATD is sacrificed for the greater good

[andi-o-geyser]

comedy gold at its finest