#fuck this shit and i cant even take my meds that i usually take for anxiety attacks cuz they lower my blood pressure

[phagodyke]

back home and my washing is done and I need to eat lunch and do my ironing and then I've done all the tasks on my list and I can spend the rest of the day having a mental breakdown and then go straight to sleep woohoo

[musingmycelium]

. noncoherent but also thoughts

[griftersbone]

official announcement to all my mutuals: I apologize and warn u in advance that I'm off my meds and will not stop fucking rambling sorry for the literal paragraphs I'm leaving in ur replies I just can't shut up okay love u bye

[larryjohnsoncosplayonthursday]

last

for realsies

[yikes-ajax-thats-sad]

I love waiting eagerly for the weekend so people wont be busy or will be home and then. Still ending up all alone :D

[ero-keixx]

I cleaned the entire living room and dining room, vacuumed the futons (one I use as a bed), wiped down the glass table, and washed the dishes and yet I feel like I didn't do it properly or good enough and it's giving me intense anxiety

[jacklesraised]

my gift is being annoying, see, i can hate myself and be so horrendously anxious that i think trying to make being alive easier for myself is somehow offensive to others bc thats how so many people online act like literally any accomodations not made by the doctors that dont care abt you at all are somehow unnecessary and ‘fishing for attention’ to the point i ruin myself and destroy my body avoiding accomodations bc i dont want to ‘seem like a bad person�� for quite literally needing help. but give me a tv show and 30 seconds with new information and i will either give you the most thought provoking theory or the most wildcard theory ever and always be correct.

[hyunsvngs]

hey juno…its me again🧎🏻‍♀️.

okay so porn star chan…but hes ur boyfriend. youre at his house and hes filming a lil something so youre in the living room, you start developing this reall bad migraine and youre looking for the medicine you keep at his house. the issue is, your eyes are blurry from the migraine and you cant see well so you take the first meds you see…uh oh its his aphrodisiac he takes to keep himself excited during longer shoots…

SO NOW YOURE EXTREMELY HORNY AND WHINING FOR HIM THROUGH THE DOOR AND I JUST- JUNO DO YOUR THING BOO

oh…. my God. YU?!!!!?! SHIT.

putting this under a cut for potential dub!con since reader is under the effect of aphrodisiac pills, but she does gen want chan (mood). also this got way too long and i did modify the ask a bit BUT ITS SEXY SO ENJOY:D

pornstar!chan is filming a solo video in his room and you’re looking for your pain meds, rubbing your temples cautiously while you stumble through the house. you’ve been at chan’s place more than enough times, you know your way around, but the fuzziness around your eyes is preventing you from finding the bathroom door.

eventually, you all but fall into the bathroom and pull open the medicine cabinet, finding the familiar little white tablet bottle. you immediately choke back two, feeling refreshed instantly from a placebo effect. trying to block out chan’s dirty talk and deep, gravelly moans in his bedroom, you make your way back to the couch.

it only takes ten minutes. all of a sudden, you can feel your folds slicking up with your essence, and you try to ignore it. it wouldn’t be the first time you’d had a physical reaction to chan’s moans and voice ordering out commands in one of his instructional videos. except, as you hear his video come to an end, your stomach only pools with even more heat and need and you find yourself making your way to his bedroom before you can even process it.

he’s all done up, hair slicked back neatly with his signature gel and abs covered in massage oil. it had been one of those kinda videos. he’d just shut the camera off and cleaned himself up, and his eyes look at you in surprise when you enter. he was still naked. good, you mused. “baby! i just finished, heh, did you need anything?”

you’re crossing the room and straddling his lap before you know it, feeling your wet core sopping through your thin pyjama shorts. he lets out a little ‘oof’ in surprise, before his hands are going immediately to your ass.

you’re babbling, hands running up and down his body and slicking with the excess oil. “h-had a migraine, felt so dizzy, channie, but now- fuck, need you, need you, can you go again? can you-?”

“oh, baby, of course i can. always can for you, but-“ he blinked at you, winding one hand into your hair to pull at the strands softly. you keened, grinding down into his length that was already thickening with lust again. “oh my god, no fucking way.”

he was laughing. he was laughing at you while you were practically dying with need on his lap, and you didn’t even care, looking at him in slight confusion as you worked yourself up into a frenzy on his lap. “wha- wha’ is it, channie? need- hnnngg-“

chan didn’t halt the movement of your hips in the slightest, instead bucking up into you and letting you feel the erection he was sporting already. perks of being a pornstar - that refractory period was definitely a bonus. “i think you took some of the pills i take on set, baby. that’s why you’re feeling so needy for daddy.”

at the drop of his usual title in bed, you shifted your pyjama shorts to the side, letting him feel your wet folds gliding on his length. “hnnnn- the pills? w-what? ugh, don’t care! gimme your cock daddy.”

chan’s laughing again, a little chuckle leaving his plush lips in disbelief before he’s positioning his length at your dripping hole. he grips your hips, raising you up before lowering you slowly onto his thick length, letting you feel the big stretch. you keened, immediately starting to bounce up and down. chan groaned, leaning back in his computer chair. he was in shock you’d given yourself no time to adjust, but then he knew the effect these pills had.

you continued bouncing, moaning and keening and letting your fingers dig into his thick thighs.

“that’s it, baby. good girl. let daddy fuck that need out of you until you’re creaming all around my cock, hmm?”

-

♡ juno

(i’m sorry)

[komero-otus]

I've tried to not write vent posts because usually they don't help me that much but right now I have no other place I feel like I can just puke all this to, so into the void it goes. I'm so stressed and so tired and somehow SHIT KEEPS GETTING WORSE. like yeah it could always be even worse worse but I am already at my limit. Money's tight, I have bills to pay, I don't clean enough and I reap the consequences of my actions, my dysphoria is kicking me every day so hard and overall body-image issues are STILL hounding me. I don't have a job, I can barely take care of myself, I feel like I'm not giving enough to the people around me and I suck as a person (I know this is probs depression and insecurity talking but I just hate letting people down and I feel like I just keep letting down every single person in my life.) I need to pay for doctor and physiotherapy stuff, I need to pay for meds. The building I live in is being renovated and the nonstop loud drilling sound makes me want to cease existing. the renovations or fixing or whatever theyr doin causes all other type of complications I really dont need rn. I feel so useless and drained all the time. I found bugs in my apartment, I want to puke, I blame myself because I am the one who didn't do enough to prevent things from getting this bad. I'm worried about the people around me, I'm worried about people I don't even know. Shit's so bad all the time like what the fuck is even the point. I know what the point is I know I know I know but I've been in a shit headspace for so long. but I cant even talk about it to people whose JOB is to help because I'm scared if my depression diagnosis goes back to more severe levels on paper, I won't get my transition going and it's already been such a long wait and it's already so precarious and I won't be able to take it if they kick me out again. what the fuck. like. I can't handle all this. I can. I have to. but for now I just feel like total shit. why can't I just function better and be better and do better. it shouldn't be this hard. what the fucjk. I'm so tired I can't do this. I will do it I will continue please dont worry about me but like FUCK. ughhh. whatever Im gonna go take the trash out or something and drink some water. all this stress better not trigger my aura migraines again I've been free from those for long dont fucking come back. fucking auugghhh shits bad

[garrettandoscargirlsblog]

Benny The Rookie Cop Ch3

Summary: Here it is! Took awhile to finish this! Here it is! Benny in the hospital. Santi in rehab. With a twist! cant say too much.

Benny's POV: 

Here I am yet again . In the hospital. Haven't been what? A couple of days since I was being stitched up for a wound while on the job. This latest wound has become the talk of the station. Personally? Rather hide . Benny James Miller hide? Not gonna. Who wants to be shot in the ass?! Yeah! First time ! Look, it happened so fast. Was in pursuit of this dude who was framing top officials for dealing drugs. That's when a shootout happened . Fired first till a bullet hit my ass!  Upper left cheek to be precise. Chris made the call . Great! My wife is gonna hit the fan yet again! Last thing she needs to deal with since Santi went to rehab. We were gonna see him soon as he gets settled. Next thing, telling the others about the wound . Oh the jokes would fly like clock work. Now I'm layin on my tummy while I wait for the doctors to check on me. 

Gracie’s POV: 

After arriving for my shift. Which was kind of dead as a doornail. After the usual nurses meeting we have to deal with the usual shit. Like riding alongs with paramedics.  Oh what fucking fun. Bout to get started on my first task till there was a call about a cop being shot! Heart dropped! Worried about my husband. My heart ,and soul! Try not to get too emotional. Have a job to do. Taking a deep breath marched myself into trauma 2 to Benny! On the table laying on his tummy with a sheet draped to cover his lower half? Okay. Didn't ask why till removing it to see a bloody bandage on his ass! First thought it was a joke! I mean come on! He was known for his jokes. Till Chris told me it wasn't. Okay! Time to go to work on my sexy rookie. At some point he had to be sedated. I stayed with him till he woke up hours later. Looks so beautiful even in his groggy state. Hair so soft to the touch. Beautiful blue eyes that lights up the room. His hand touched my ,and mumbled,” Don't laugh okay?” Kissing his forehead ever so gently whispered,” Not a chance my husband. Got hurt on duty. Now you are my patient.. My duty is to take care of you. First thing. Have to get you admitted. I know I know ya hate that. Have to make sure the wound isn't bad. I'm gonna stay with you kay?” Benny reached for my other hand and kissed it. Telling me he loves me with all of his heart. Blew him a kiss while exiting the room. See my family in the waiting room. Will first hug me close. Could tell he was scared. Told him he is fine that his ass hurts,but still groggy,but they can go to see him. He would love that. Okay girl! Time to get things rolling.

Benny's POV: 

I'm floating a bit. Some point I heard voices from my lovely wife. Such a sweet thang to hear. Telling me stuff I don't recall right away. Hope to get out of here,on account I hate hospitals being here too many times in my lifetime. Want to be home. In my own bed. Not .. on this thin slab of metal with a mattress. Moments later I hear Will and Frankie telling me stuff. Could tell they were worried,and relieved. Hearing them chatting about stuff. Oh great! Doctor is here. Touching my wound seriously dude? Hurts like a mother! Enough already! Close my eyes again. Meds kicked in good! Want to sleep! Want my Gracie ! Oh my baby. Soulmate, love of my life,and reason why I am alive. Didn't care if other people thought I'm too old for her. Age factor isn't an issue for me. Heck! PA is older than ma. Love each other so much to put shitheads comments to bed. Gracie’s friends tried to convince her we weren't meant to be. Since I was in the Army at the time. Though saving herself for so long wasn't healthy. Our first time was so beautiful. Focus on that moment man! 

Santi just got back from another session. To him he didn't belong there talking about his fears with a bunch of strangers. Want to be home. With his family. Promising his mom he would do this for her,and doesn't want to be like his dad. Frightening him to no end. Leaning against the window looking at the view of tall buildings wishing for the quietness of home. Not noticing Gracie entering the room. Turned around,” Glad you are here little bud. Nice to see a familiar face. Don't see Benny.. is he at work?” Taking a breath while sitting on the edge of the bed,” Actually, he is here. Nursing a gunshot wound to the butt. Thought… it would be worse Tang! Worry about him every time he goes out. Thought about y'all in Columbia..” Santi sits next to her pulling her close to him like when she was a kid,” I know you do. We all do. He told me the same thing. He knows your job is dangerous too. I'm glad he has you. I mean it. Sure I was against it at first,but  when I see you with him? Can see why both of you were meant to be.” Moment was interrupted by a knock,” oh ! I'm sorry Santiago. Time for another session. “ Getting up rubbing his face,” Guess you know Dr. Knight. I'll be right there.” Gracie nods at her,” Oh yeah I do. Better go back to my husband. Take care of my brother. I mean helping him with his rehab not helping yourself to break his heart.” That didn't go well with the doctor. Got up to look her in the eye,” Look here I know what you might think of me ,but I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your brother's recovery. I'm just his doctor. Nothing more! It's not like I tried to seduce Benny when you were an intern. “ That did it! As much she wanted to kick Lucy’s ass,she was on duty. Not gonna stoop to her level. Got up to leave,” Oh, doctor? I wouldn't tell your supervisor on your misdiagnosis of a patient. You know? One that almost murdered a few innocents!”  Slams the door behind her. Leaving both of them, okay, one of them speechless. Lucy cleared her throat,” okay, see where she gets her spark from. Okay, ready to go Mr. Garcia?” Getting up from his spot. Glaring his brown eyes at her,” For the record ma'am. You haven't seen anything yet. “

Didn't take long to admit Benny to a private room overlooking the roof garden next building over. Him laying on a doughnut pillow,which it took awhile to get used to. Good he would be here overnight. Followed by resting at home for a few days. Had few visitors from his department. Glad to hear he would be okay. Followed by a few butt jokes. Benny replied as they left,” Very funny assholes if I see anything on my desk that pertains to my boo boo? Make y'all pay. “ Gracie laughed as she closed the door,” Now that we are finally alone. Wanna tell you that I was scared when I heard you were shot. Feared the worst baby. Said a prayer before you were brought in. Oh! Went to see Santi. Had a nice talk till.. that hussy of a doctor came in.” Benny knew who she was talking about. Pulls his wife into his side that doesn't have any wires. Kissing her forehead,” I cringe when I see her. To think she was willin to wreck our relationship. She sent ya on a goose chase. Proud of you what happened next. “ Kissing his chest,” yeah, but I think she might get her mits on my brother . See that doesn't happen.” 

Santi finally went alone to rest. Thinking about the events of the day. Counting down the day till he gets home.About to turn his light off. A knock at the door,” Come on handsome. Help me go to sleep.” 

Note: okay! Hate to leave this as a cliffhanger. Want to have y'all sweat it out oh who it is. Hoping to do an extra scene to this chapter. A sweet one where Benny boy comes home. Wish me luck! 

@rhoorl @romanarose @musings-of-a-rose

[phagodyke]

I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.

[muttfangs]

walking on my way to work this morning felt like idk I can feel the cyclical futility sinking in and I'm trying to like. give myself space and time bc I know it'll probably take another full week for me to feel 100% myself again from the meds, I was pretty severely sick and I think I did my usual old man like. downplay of just how fucked up I actually was from this so I can feel "strong" and not helpless

i'm so deeply exhausted and depressed from the struggle tho fr. im tired. my entire life has been an overwhelming, violent fight for stability and there isn't any relief in sight. therapy does nothing. I know who I am, what i want, where I want to be and what I need to not feel like I want to end myself. but I'm literally stuck in constant limbo because I'm poor, and I do not have a choice but to keep destroying myself at jobs that exploit the fuck out of me so I can live in squalor and feel miserable and have no social life bc by the time I get home I'm so burnt I cant even speak.

going back to school feels so far away. this is going to take me another year, maybe two, to even get back into school. at least three or four to finish school. and the idea of having to put up with being this miserable for that long makes me feel like I'm going to scream and explode into a shower of blood and viscera.

this shit is bad enough on its own, but being brainweird and chronically ill / in pain on top of this is just making my life so much harder and it feels so much more inescapable. I don't know. everything feels super, super awful. I'm trying to hang in there but I feel like I've been white-knuckle gripping what shreds of a life I have for the past decade. and my muscles are shaking and weak and I can't hold on forever.

idk. I don't really need like a reply, I'm just. I wish I had answers. I wish I could feel better. I want solutions so I don't feel the drudgery and I want to live, at least a little

[17gz]

it still baffles me that i knew this friend for 6 fucking years and we had a convo abt their partner that lasted over 8 hours where they fully acknowledged all the bullshit their partner puts them through where even I LEARNED SHIT THEIR PARTNER DID TO THEM... they even acknowledged that every single person in their life hates their partner. to the point that it made them cry. they had so long to break up with that person so that we could renew our lease and fix shit. we all made it clear that the living situation depended on their relationship with that person and that we could not continue living with them.

(little break here to say: we were originally planning on splitting the rent 4 ways when their partner got evicted. we had an ENTIRE CONVO ABOUT THIS. it would have been abt $775 per person which is IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND IN NYC. i knew their partner was having a hard time financially so i said maybe they could contribute max $500 per month, closer to $200-$250 per month whether thats covering utilities, or groceries, or making someone elses rent easier to pay. i said i was VERY comfortable meeting them where they were as long as it was above $100 a month. which is fucking reasonable for an able bodied employed person. which this person was. and they talked alllll this big shit abt usually paying $1500 for rent but being in a tough financial position. and no matter how many times i said "thats unreasonable, thats out of all of our budgets, lets stick to something under $500 and start with that to make this work" they REFUSED to listen. and then ended up paying ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THE FOUR MONTHS THEY STAYED THERE RENT FREE MOOCHING.)

this person did not contribute a fucking cent for any of us. this person actively made OUR SPACE a fucking hellish nightmare to live in and made it SO FUCKING HOSTILE. CONSTANTLY RACIST AND HOMOPHOBIC AND TRANSPHOBIC AND FATPHOBIC.... literally a closeted terf

and when it came down to making a decision. when there were months leading to weeks to days where you'd been aware of all of this and we were all waiting for you to rip the bandaid off. you chose them over your friends who were there for you through literally everything.....

and they have the nerve to treat us like we're the villains in this..... im glad none of our friends are believing a word they've said... but jesus....

oh this isnt the first 2 people they've done this to btw...

we're 2 out of 4 ROOMMATES THIS SHIT HAS HAPPENED TO.....

like jesus christ you are a lost cause theres no help for you, you hit rock bottom every 5 minutes but refuse to acknowledge that you are the one causing all the problems and instability around you because other people can only take so fucking much...... emphasis on SO FUCKING MUCH.... i cant even fully describe all the shit i have seen + SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN.

YOU SEE A THERAPIST AND PSYCHIATRIST 4x A MONTH OUT OF POCKET AND YOU WONT EVEN TAKE YOUR MEDS BUT YOU LIE ABOUT TAKING THEM..................................

good lord i just cant believe i wasted 6 fucking years of my life trying to see the best in this person when 1) they would NEVER EVER do this shit for us and 2) THERE IS NO recognition of wrongdoing on their end. everyone is wrong but them. they're obviously the victim....

[chronic-invisibility]

Tw for mental health issues and shit

I feel like i should maybe tell my parents i think i need to be hospitalized, im so so so depressed it’s not been this bad since 2019, maybe even since 2012/2013. But im terrified to go to the hospital, it was so awful when i was there in 2013 and obv it would be different bc i was in a pediatric ward and now i’d be in with adults, but it would be so awful. None of my usual routines and they’d try to make me eat food i either cant or wont eat bc a lot of food gives me gi issues and a lot of food i cant handle bc sensory issues. They’d probs put me on meds that either i’ve been on before and havent helped or meds that would give me more gi issues bc apparently thats just my thing now. I was trying to look up and see if theres anywhere that specifically does inpatient for autistic adults but mostly its just horror stories of how awful autistic people are treated and how bad and unprepared and unknowledgeable they are about autism, and im probably “not autistic enough” (which is bullshit bc thats not a thing) and most of the places that claim to be specialized autism treatment places use aba which just no. And our insurance is shitty and most places dont take our insurance so idk if anywhere would even be covered if i could find somewhere. I have relatively low support needs when i’m doing ok but i am really not doing ok now and im petrified that if i had a meltdown or smth theyd restrain me or throw me in isolation or worse. But the idea of being in a regular psych hospital is too scary bc id just have to mask so hard the whole time and id still be treated poorly and invalidated and forced to do things i cant handle which would make everything worse. Like i couldnt rock up to the psych hospital and say heres a list of foods i cant eat and things i cant do and meds i cant take, they’d make my life worse on purpose bc they’d say i was being difficult or defiant and i’ve heard too many horror stories of people labeled defiant by the mental “healthcare” system to think they’d do anything but make things worse. And i’m trans, what if they put me in with women bc my birth certificate still has a stupid F on it? What if they dont let me take my T while im there? What if they do put me in with guys and they treat me poorly? What if everyone treats me poorly just for being trans?

I just cant take being like this anymore, i dont really want to die i just want to stop existing, i want everything to stop being so fucked up and awful and i want to just run away and hide forever. I dont know what to do.

[ribbitflings]

man i love how im not permitted to sleep in my own fucking house because im a light sleeper now thanks to trauma and every little thing wakes me up, on top of me having the mostly ridiculously sensitive internal alarm clock

like why tf do i have a sense of time while im *sleeping*

ive already been having the increasing feeling of my meds being soon rendered ineffective again and a literal ten second snippet of a song almost did me in last night, then one dog chews its bone as loudly as possible at 3am and the other one takes a shit at 4am and begins to eat it, so im cleaning dog shit at 4:30am and then of course my partner's alarm goes off at 5:30am so what's the fucking point of going back to sleep when it already takes me an hour to begin with and he hits snooze three times with his ungodly loud alarm

i sometimes wake up too much when his stupid fucking alarm goes off and then cant go back to sleep, and usually what happens when i try to sleep in is my fucking dog decides to bark as loudly as possible for absolutely zero fucking reason

so then im over here like

im already having a lot of focals that i dont usually have, ive been feeling the build up feeling of a big seizure coming, a ten second snippet of a song almost does me in last nighr and then i wake up every hour anyway and have to clean up dog shit, and then i know if i even try to go back to sleep then the fucking dog is going to wake me up anyway, and im going to end up waking up st least 30 minutes before my partner's lunch time because he usually calls me, so even though my phone is on silent, for some fucking reason i still have a sense of time and wake up anyway. if there's no fucking reason for me to be awake, like on the weekends, i sleep until 1pm. so all of this bullshit is not only a whole slew of triggers (including the fact that im now so fucking poor that we missed a mortgage payment and are in danger of missing another, plus all of our other bills and we cant even think about food even though we fr have none, so stress), but now my med schedule is fucked too, so i got that going for me too

i always wake up before every single alarm i ever set, minutes before, and then wake up multiple times during the night because i sleep even more lightly with an alarm. i didnt set one today, but even when im in *online* school, i still would wake up way earlier than i usually would, which i still think is fucking bullshit

[classysongnight]

Maybe hEDS, maybe not but I'm in a lot of pain.

Hello, this is the first time i'm actually trying to reach someone.

I hope to find someone who can help, have ideas that might help, have the same thing or knows who or what might be able to help.

I've been in chronic, more or less constant pain for the last idk, 3 years? I am now 19 years old and I've never had a sport accident, was never overweight,... anything that could be responsible.

It's gotten worse in this time and is now sometimes the only thing I can think of; it consumes me. I was never a sporty person, (I'm just honestly not good at anything and I don't like things when ppl can make me feel bad about it) but I cant even imagine actually doing a sport. Friends and family have always tried to push me, told me to go to a sports club, go exercise, made fun and judge of how I don't. Tbf I have never told anyone how bad my pain is. I always say "hahahah I don't do sports".

But in truth, every inch from my hips down to my ankles feels like they are being crushed, massive nails being pushed and twisted in my hips and knees.

My entire body feels extremely loose, not quite right. My joints are there but not in the exact place they should be. Like someone had me streched out on a medieval torture rack and decided halfway through to let me live. And ironicly, at the same time I feel so unbelivable stiff and tense 24/7.

No matter what I do, I'm in pain. I cannot sleep, I can't sit, lie down, stand, without this crushing feeling. Without wanting to rip out my bodyparts myself, because surely that would relief me of this. Without wondering if this fucking horrible mess I call life is worth it. (However, this it not just because of the pain and more because of, well everything.)

I have been googling, looking for reasons for years and nothing ever felt right. This year I was at an orthopedic the first time. The first time I thought, okay you actually really need professional help. This isn't normal and it wont "just go away with time". They couldn't see anything wrong, wrote me a (recipe?) for a CT, which I never got because I moved to a diffrent country.

And then the pain got even worse so (as I do whenever the pain hits more than usual) I was looking up chronic pain relief and I think I might have found what I have on tik tok. Saying this will alway take away the validity of anything you say but I did my reaserch. (Please, please, if you think it's something else, say you opinion! That's what I'm doing this for. I don't want this diagnose, because honestly, it would be quite shit and I would have to face the rest of my life with this constant pain. I don't want this diagnose, I just want a diagnose.) And so I googled all about hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome.

I found that it might be an answer to a lot of things I was wondering about and it feels like the first time a lable fits.

But it honstly doesn't help knowing. I'm still in pain. I now know that I might not be diagnosed at all and it wouldn't even really change anything because doctors have no idea how to help. All I read is "no cure" and "no real way to diagnose". Right, thank you. So how about I just go fuck myself. Because noboby knows what to do about it, nobody can give acutal advice how to handle pain like that because suprise, Ibuprofen doesn't do shit. I can take 3 400mg and I don't know if my body is just fucked (it is) or if they don't even work like that. Like, am I just wasting pills? I need a fucking longterm solution. I can't ruin my stomach lining for stuff that doesn't even work. I am genuinly starting to wonder what about perscription pain meds is so bad. Yeah I would get dependent, so what? I am in pain, it's to make the pain go away.

I don't need someone to fix it. I just need somone to tell me something that makes it less horrible. Please.