#fuck that it's been a hard few years

[tonyzilla]

holy shit so much has gone bad today rant in tags

[nova-rpv]

a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

[rudeboimonster]

~help your local rat get stable housing~

edit post nov 2023: I GOT THE HELP I NEEDED THANK YOU SOSOOSO MUCH

dramatically sprawled out on the floor

so i gotta move for the third time in that many years. unfortunately between health problems and the General State of The Economy, I have been unable to find work to be able to save any money. i have no choice but to leave the entire state. i thankfully have somewhere to go, however I need help getting there. i've been trying to do the math to get what I need to its lowest amount possible, but even that is still at least $2.5k.

after this move, i should be able to get things more stable and I might even have a couple job prospects lined up in that area, but right now I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel funds wise and desperately need help.

if you're able to spare anything, i've set up a goal through kofi so i can track it publicly. i have trouble asking for help but i really need what help i can get. thank you, so so so much.

[okkennymay]

It's been a very interesting year to say the least- those months still weren't 100% healthy but it was such a difference it was like living a different life, one not filled with constant dread and fear of the next monthly health episode.

It was unreal and I wish I'd made more use of of that time online while I had the chance, instead of being nervous of setting my body off and ruining a good thing going- but having past a new month my body completely imploding (only partially, which still sucks eggs), I can start to pick myself back up and keep going, hopeful once more! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

To all of you who have watched fade in and out of existence since my return online, Thank you for always being so patient 💖 my god was my previous username ghost-chicky ironic as hell, s2g it would be more appropriate these days than anything 0w0"

[sonictoaster]

The messenger bag I made in 2019 finally started to wear to pieces after four years of faithful service. Time for a new one!

I made the original bag without a pattern, but this time I had something to work with. I took the old bag apart and made a pattern from the pieces.

It took me a while to find the right material. I wasn’t sure what it would look like, I just knew I’d know it when I saw it. I finally found this double-sided Japanese cloth in a shop in Portland.

Once I had the right cloth for the exterior, I found a fun pattern for the interior bag in a local shop. (I always use a lighter material for the interior so it's easier to find things).

The first bag was a struggle—I had no idea what I was doing! I expected the second bag to be difficult as well, but the process went surprisingly smoothly. I got stuck a few times and had to take a day or two to figure out a solution, but the solutions always worked better than I expected!

For instance—in spite of carefully measuring each piece, the outer flap ended up being too small. I ended up constructing a border to extend the edges.

With heavy interfacing and waterproof lining, the walls were very thick and tricky to work with. Having a better sewing machine than last time helped!

Lots of pockets and hooks on the inside—essential.

I found a leather camera strap I haven't used since college and added a couple of decorative wooden buttons a friend gave me and I'd been saving for the right moment. The blue webbing along the sides that support the leather strap are repurposed from the original bag. I like that a little bit of the old bag is worked into the new.

The whole process took... weeks—but I’m so happy with how it all came together!

[iamthepulta]

Going down the rabbit hole of mercury poisoning and archaeological toxicology in South America has me losing my mind. I'm overwhelmed and out of my league but it feels like all the pieces are fitting into place and they're all bad and I can't stop now.

[birb--birb]

Okay so da4:

aestheticly, trailer looks gaweegeous!! The neon demons slap!

I adore Neves wand/dagger thing,

I'm a little apprehensive about the combat system but it looks like a good bit of it was held back so we'll have to wait till the game to feel it out.

Solas' vo sounds different? Flatter?

The hair does look REALLY nice

V excited to hop into more lore around Tevinter

Plz gods be subtitles for ambient dialog, I want to hear what solas and varric are saying when Rook goes and destroys the pillars

[sieglinde-freud]

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE THREE YEARS IM PLAYIN ANOTHER RUN OF THREE HOUSES!!! LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! LOOK AT MY WIFE whos gonna die at the end of this. lmao

[nest-being]

there is not enough caffeine in the world to address how tired i am 🥴

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[girlivealwaysbean]

i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

[wesavegotham]

I want to deeply apologize if I offended anyone or sounded unhinged these past few weeks or even months.

I was in a very depressive episode because I'm basically running my parent's household at this point, I'm constantly tired and the sight of my father and brothers playing video games, playing board games or just reading books while I feel forced to cook, clean and entertain while I also have to smile and be kind all the time...made me very angry and I might have let that out on the wrong people for no deserving reason.

I'm autistic. I'm masking. It's not in my nature to constantly take care of people. I'm not even comfortable talking with my family anymore because they refuse to believe me that I'm autistic.

I'm feeling a bit better right now because they are on a cruise right now for ten days and I only have take care of the cats and not them. I can do relaxing, fun things for myself for once that will hopefully cheer me up.

Like, I do believe they love me? And I love them too? But I just can't keep playing basically housewife (because everyone expects me to do most of the chores) for people that are not my kids and should be able to care for themselves. And rarely think about what I might want or need. And on top of that they also expect me to finish my degree.

I can't. You don't let me. I don't have the time or energy and you expect things from me that I can't deliver while staying healthy. And you never take me seriously. Or listen.

Okay, I'm deeply sorry. Rant over. I just...need time alone. With my cats. And I hope I get enough sleep to be kind, patient and understanding again. I do want to.

It's no fun being bitter. I do want to be excited about things again. But it's hard.

[coridallasmultipass]

Nikke: Goddess of Victory event Beauty Full Shot minigame spoilers: (LONG POST)

So yesterday, I managed to catch the last couple fish in the fishing minigame!!

Check it:

I'm surprised there wasn't the great white shark?? I guess that's just gonna happen in the story instead? Unless it's like a 1 in a million chance of getting it in secret or something? But the fucking whale lmao, that mf was SO HARD to get.

In general, it was super fucking hard to catch them all, but I really grinded for the first couple days to keep getting all the fishing rods (the blue one at the max 60k price level is the best for catching the large fish because it does the most damage), and then all the equipment, too.

Hot tip: Don't bother with the red puddles until you've gotten the highest fishing rod and practised on the blue and gold puddles (unless you're already like a god at rhythm games, but I'm sure NOT especially on a touch screen).

OH also, I don't think the game explained it, but the casting animation before the rhythm game is for choosing which size of fish you want to get, NOT for the starting percentage of the rhythm game. (I mean, yeah it affects the percentage, but ALL blue catches start at like 50%. All of the legendary ones start at 80% regardless of the fishing rod or equipment.) Took me a while to notice that and I would've saved myself a lot of attempts if I'd have just aimed for the easy blue section on the meter in the beginning (I was clicking the gold one every time and suffering because it went too fast every time, and was confused why gold wasn't giving me an easier starting percentage).

Here's my union ranking for the minigame lmao (I'm Vi):

You can see how much I've been playing the game compared with everyone else. It's fucking addicting and I gotta catch 'em all. Almost at 1mil earned lol.

The fucking Spongebob easter eggs were hilarious. I caught Spongebob and didn't realize that's who it was supposed to be until I caught Patrick next. RIP Sandy.

((EDIT: I FORGOT TO ADD PLANKTON. HE'S THE BAIT FOR FISHING LOL.))

Anyway, yeah, that's my post. Just wanted to share bc I love Nikke and the event and the mini games. I even went and got the Dave the Diver full game on PC bc I'm OBSESSED with the Aegis minigame and it's so chill and cool from the few minutes I played (just got it so haven't had time to do more yet). It was also on sale! (Probably still on sale?)

So yeah. Really loving this event, they really went all out. OH and the music, too? Love it.

[gog-urt]

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