#fuck thank the gods i never let anyone irl know I used to be a part of this circus

[thissmycomingofage]

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[akystaracer22]

Free the Bird from its Gilded Cage

Synopsis: Lucifer would tell anyone who asked his greatest regret was letting humanity eat the apple. Better than admitting what he really regretted.

Notes

Golly gee good thing affairs didn’t exist back then huh!

In which Lucifer’s tism hurts his best friend, the fic.

I think I can tag this as Edenpoly considering the conversation between Lucifer and Lilith.

I give my greatest thanks to my good friend Hat who uttered the phrase “I raise a glass to the friend you could have been and drink to the monster you became” (Or something of the sort) which has not left my brain 2 years later.

No shade on other people’s depictions of the ancient archangels. I love good archangels as much as you guys but… this is very much bashing.

I’m so sorry Michael. And Azrael, and every single angel who’s characters I butcher in this AU. It’s not you guys I swear.

God on the other hand fuck you I’m not sorry.

I have been told by many people irl that I have religious trauma. I didn’t think I did but fuck it we ball.

I am so sorry this came out late but I had two assignments and I'm moving houses, I'll try not to have a repeat.

Word count: 1957

Fic under cut!

Lucifer felt Lilith before he saw her, the first woman’s aura screaming frustration and hurt louder than the tears in her eyes.

She was sitting under an aspen tree with her legs tucked to her chest.

Lucifer didn’t need to guess why she was upset; it could really only be one thing these days.

“Adam did something again, didn’t he.”

Lilith huffed and lifted her head to meet Lucifer’s gaze, “We fought, again. He still doesn’t get it.”

Lucifer sighed and sat down next to the first woman, not for the first time the little voice in his head bemoaned Adams chronic inability to listen to anyone other than God. It was really starting to cause problems in Eden.

“He’ll regret it.”

“He always does, but he still does it.”

Lucifer nodded, “He needs to learn that God isn’t right about everything,” His siblings would murder him if they knew he was spreading this kind of blasphemy, “But I do agree, it’s a little irritating.”

“It is!” Lucifer jerked as Lilith stood up abruptly and began to pace, “He’s great most of the time don’t get me wrong, but he’s just increasingly growing more and more insufferable! It’s like every time he gets better he just goes straight back to being worse!”

“Truly the trials and tribulations of the first humans.”

“I just wish he would listen to me! Not some stuck up self-important know it all who thinks I’m worthless.”

Lucifer wisely held back the instinctive defence of the Creator, “Especially when you are so much more than that.”

Lilith seemed to finally run out of steam, falling back into Lucifer’s arms and holding him tightly, “I hate this… I hate him.”

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t… I hate the man God wants him to be.”

“I hate that man too,” Lucifer admitted, “I hate how he hurts everyone.”

Because it wasn’t just Lilith that was left hurting. Lucifer hated how he was losing track of the near silent breakdowns of Adam’s.

God created humanity different from the grand design, and every day Lucifer loathed that fact more and more.

“He’s going to win, that man.”

“Neither of us will let him.”

“He’ll let himself,” Lilith hissed right by his ear, the sound sending a shiver down Lucifer’s spine, by the choirs that felt good “Adams an idiot.”

“Yep!” Call Lucifer blasphemous, but he was so tempted to-

Lilith opened her mouth to say something, and Lucifer listened to the little voice in his head once again.

He caught her mouth with his own swiftly before pulling back, face flushing as he realised what he just did.

That was something only Adam and Lilith was supposed to do with each other.

Lilith blinked, taking time to process before giving her response, “Do that again.”

Lucifer didn’t need to be told twice.

The bark of the aspen tree was lit up by Lucifer’s wings as he pressed his lips to Lilith’s again.

And again.

And again.

Lucifer had never felt so good. He could see why Lilith and Adam like doing this. This felt so good.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

It was hours until Lucifer disentangled himself from Lilith, still not having quite recovered from the experience. Sadly, he could feel the mental tug attached to his halo signifying his siblings wanting an audience with him. The last thing he wanted was to have them come down and see him with Lilith.

The moment he returned to heaven however, he had the distinct feeling that he might have messed up regardless.

Michael was pacing and muttering angrily under his breath, sharp sounds grating Lucifer’s awareness. When the archangel saw Lucifer, his wings physically bristled as he lunged forward and grabbed the Morningstar by the robe.

“You are so very fortunate that God was already growing tired of Lilith’s rebellion!”

“What?”

“Michael,” Lucifer turned to see Azrael landing nearby, “I highly doubt Lucifer knows what he has done, as impulsive as he is.”

“What? What happened,” Lucifer demanded, mantling his wings to make himself look larger as he stared down the other archangels.

“You don’t know?”

“Know what!”

“God decided to give the first man a new wife,” Michaels words cut through Lucifer’s anger and left only shock, “Made from his rib.”

“… what?”

“Yes, I had to tear it out myself,” Michael huffed, Lucifer noticed the dried red still dusting the angels gloves, “Adam tried to flee.”

“…”

“What Michael means,” Azreal shot the other a look, “Is that Adam didn’t take the information well, and saw it fit to attempt avoiding the situation entirely.”

“He was awake?!” Lucifer screeched “By the choir what is wrong with you two?!”

“It was the Creator’s wishes, none of us knew it would bring pain,” Azrael sighed, “However, it would encourage not repeating the situation…”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Michael scoffed, “The Creator ensured Adam wouldn’t remember.”

“It would taint him.”

“It would motivate him.”

“What?”

“Our Creator has decided to take a more… hands on approach in ensuring the situation does not repeat itself,” Azrael looked uncomfortable, “Xe employed the use of divine power to keep Adam and Eve from straying from the grand design.”

Lucifer took a step back.

Michael opened his mouth to say something, but Lucifer couldn’t hear over the roar of nothing in his ears.

No.

Nononononono.

Lucifer ran.

He broke into a sprint before diving back down to Earth, landing on the soft grass of Eden he looked around desperately.

“Adam!”

“Yes?”

Lucifer turned around as Adam’s figure came into view from behind a tree, “Adam-”

His eyes were gold.

Lucifer stumbled back as he took in the first man’s appearance, Adam’s eyes were no longer the colour of earth. The familiar dark brown orbs that bore the gold of honey and of leaves in the sun were gone. In their place was the brilliant gold of divinity, of heaven, the same gold of the-

The chain attached to his wrist.

Lucifer lunged forward and grabbed his friends arm, pulling him forward and running a hand along the softly glowing cuff on Adams wrist.

It was definitely the Creator’s doing.

“Adam what have they done to you.”

“Ah, apologies, but have we met before?”

Lucifer’s golden ichor froze as he looked back up to meet that accursed golden gaze, “What?”

“It is just that… you seem familiar with me, but I do not recall ever having met you. I apologize.”

Lucifer stepped back from the first man, “What.”

“Were you present for my creation? That day was such a blur I hardly recall all those present.”

“Adam- Adam look at me,” Lucifer grabbed Adam by the shoulder, staring desperately into those too gold, too inhuman, too holy eyes “Adam. You are my best friend. You remember me don’t you?”

Adam’s eyes flickered for a moment, that familiar beautiful earth brown peeking through for a moment before being swamped by heavenly gold.

“You are an angel; how could I ever be friends with someone of a higher status such as you?”

Lucifer wanted to cry.

The Creator truly was cruel.

“Are you alright, sir?”

Lucifer couldn’t do this.

Lucifer shoved Adam away and ran like a coward, stumbling through the bushes and past trees as he ran away from the puppet wearing his best friends face.

He didn’t even talk like Adam.

The Creator just stripped his best friend of everything that made him… him.

Lucifer collapsed under a willow tree as he sobbed into his arms.

He didn’t move for a long time after that.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

Lilith found him in the dim of night, her eyes sharp and he teeth bared in a rueful grimace even as she took him into his arms.

“We’re not letting them get away with this. Not this time.”

A hot flame of righteous anger sparked in Lucifer’s heart as he held onto Lilith. She was right, this crossed a line.

Lucifer wanted to rush in, to steal Adam away and find a way to break that chain.

Lilith told him to wait, to watch and observe as she would.

“Right now, heaven does not know about our rebellion, if we move too quickly we will both be destroyed.”

She was right, of course she was. Lucifer hated it though.

They had to watch Adam go through the motions of what his life used to be. The way he would no longer wander the garden without reason.

He wouldn’t play with the animals anymore or sit and relax under the sun.

Lucifer almost broke the trunk of a tree when he saw Adam tear out a plant Gabriel considered ‘too imperfect for the garden’ even though Lucifer knew that it was Adams favourite flower.

That flame of anger grew every time that damned shackle glowed and chained Adams will.

It took a little time to figure out, but if there was one thing Lucifer was sure would free Adam and Eve, it was the apples of knowledge.

They had to.

Lucifer and Lilith also watched Eve through everything. She seemed meek through the control of the Creator, but in the few moments the attention of heaven faded and the gold in her eyes let a little bit of reddish brown through, they got to know her.

She was gentle and sweet to the animals but there was a steel in her spine.

She was vibrant and wild as she chased the cheetah’s around the garden or buried her head in a grizzly bears side.

Lucifer grew to love her in a way. As little of her as he could see. But she was the one the Creator paid less attention to, and why would xe? She is supposed to be subservient to Adam.

Lucifer shifted into the form of a snake and curled through the branches of the tree of knowledge as she came into view.

Showtime.

“Eve my dear, may I borrow your attention for but a moment?” Lucifer sing-songed, drawing the girls eye as she stopped at the base of the tree.

“What is it you require of me, snake?” Eve asked, Lucifer watched intently as the telltale hint of red brown filtered into her gaze, this was the shot he needed.

“The fruit of this tree, could you tell me how it tastes to you?”

The woman flinched back as if struck, and Lucifer’s eyes narrowed at her response.

“I couldn’t, God said-”

“And have you not wondered why xe demands such things of you? Have you not questioned why xe forbade this?” Lucifer hissed, snapping off an apple and letting it fall to the ground at Eve’s feet, “I know, and that is why I ask this of you.”

Eve’s will fought with Heaven for a moment as she picked up the apple, but she was not gone yet, “God said that if I ate the fruit, I would die.”

“And the Creator lies to you,” blasphemy dripped off of Lucifers tongue as he all but snarled at Eve, the white-hot flame of fury envenoming his words, “To eat the apple is not to die, but to be freed. To have your eyes opened to the truth around you.”

Eve held the apple in her hands, the reddish brown in her eyes traitorously present.

“How do you know I won’t die?”

“Because my dear, I have had my eyes opened long ago. To open them is a freedom the Creator keeps from you on purpose,” Lucifer hissed, “You will not die, of that I can promise.”

Eve bit into the apple, and the chains snapped under the weight of knowledge granted.

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 06 Jongho — dry humping // corruption kink

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➥ bff!Jongho × bff!Reader summary: Y/N decides to take a break from studying when she learns her sweet and innocent best friend is still a virgin. wc: 2.9k warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, sexual content (minors dni!): virgin!Jongho, experienced reader, dry humping, Jongho is a whiny mess and his hands are everywhere, Jongho is very vocal, reader has a corruption kink, Jongho cums in his pants and reader cums in her pants, use of pet names (baby, good boy, etc), reader likes to praise Jongho and see him blush Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy @drunk-on-dk @violagoth @mixling-blog Ateez taglist: @2hodefender @babyhailey819 @foxylilbitch @rdiamond2727 @indigo35 @sanjoongie MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. Join the taglist!

a/n: SORRY. IM AN IDIOT AND DIDNT POST THIS CORRECTLY. IM SO SORRY. Thank you to sky for telling me so i could fix it. My bad. this was so much fun to write and I'm tempted to turn this into a mini series where the reader further corrupts her best friend turned boytoy turned boyfriend at the end of it all. Let me know what you all think about that. If there's a good response to this part, I'll do it. As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

════════════════════════════════

When the words left your best friend, you had to do a double take.

“You?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at him over your textbook. Jongho looked up to meet your gaze, his cheeks reddening softly. “Don’t look at me like that,” he half whined, half hissed.

There were several shushes around you. After all, it was a library.

What was supposed to be a study session to prepare for your finals turned into a conversation with your best friend of 20 years about why you didn’t get any sleep the previous night.

“I refuse to believe my best friend is a virgin,” you hissed back, causing Jongho to look up at you with wide eyes, jaw dropped. “Shut the fuck up!” He hissed, earning several more shushes.

You dropped your eyes to your textbook momentarily before glancing up quickly at Jongho who was now flipping through his notes.

You pulled out your phone and sent a text his way.

You: but really??? You’re a virgin?

You heard his phone vibrate in his pocket and glanced up as he pulled it out and glanced at the screen before looking up at you as you looked back down at your book.

Your phone screen lit up with a reply.

Baby Bear🧸: there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin!

Your fingers tapped across the screen quickly.

You: I never said there was. I’m just shocked you haven’t had sex yet Baby Bear🧸: why? You know how I am. I can barely talk to girls, let alone have sex with them. I’m not like you

‘I’m not like you.’ What was he trying to say? Was he… slut shaming you??

You: and what’s that supposed to mean? 🤨 Baby Bear🧸: you’re so… outgoing You: is that your code for slut?

You looked up upon hearing Jongho choke on his own air.

Baby Bear🧸: no! God no. I would never call you that. You’re just so much more confident. Sexually I mean. And you’re comfortable around practically anyone. Baby Bear🧸: i could never. I don’t trust anyone like that. Baby Bear🧸: well, except maybe you

Your eyes glanced up as Jongho continued to tap away on his screen, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.

Baby Bear🧸: i trust you more than anyone tbh You: then let me do it Baby Bear🧸: do what? You: let me be your first.

The sound that came out of Jongho upon receiving your text sounded like a cross between a gasp and a sputtering engine. He started coughing, covering his mouth with his fist as he looked up at you, meeting your gaze.

Trying to control his coughing, Jongho quickly gathered his things, with you one step behind as he exited the library. He was fast but not too fast that you couldn’t catch up to him.

You grabbed him by the arm. “Jongie,” you said, pulling him to a halt.

“Why would you say that?!” He hissed, looking around to make sure no one was around.

“Say what?” You asked, confusion masking your face.

“‘Let me be your first,’” Jongho hissed, his face screwing up in either embarrassment or disgust. You weren’t sure which it was.

“If the idea disgusts you that much,” you said softly, pulling the strap of your bag higher on your shoulder. “Forget I said anything.”

You turned to walk away but Jongho’s grip on your arm stopped you. “It’s not that I think it’s disgusting,” he said softly. “It’s just… you’re my best friend, Y/N. It’s weird, isn’t it?”

You turned to face him. “It’s really not. Friends do this kind of stuff all the time, Jong,” you replied. “We don’t have to if you really don’t want to.”

You turned to leave again. "It was just an idea. It's fine," you said, glancing over your shoulder at your best friend.

"No big deal."

No big deal was wrong.

The moment the suggestion left your mouth, it was all Jongho could think about for the rest of the day.

It wasn't that the thought of having sex with you was weird or gross or anything of the like. Jongho was actually intimidated by the idea.

You were much more open in your sexuality and your sexual prowess. He, on the other hand, was much less experienced. The furthest he'd ever gone was kissing and some light touches.

That's not to say he's completely pure. He's had his fantasies before and they may or may not have involved you in the past. He was a horny teenager at one point after all.

But while most of his classmates had given into their desires, Jongho found himself unable to do so. He was far too shy to approach any girl who wasn't you. Even when you set him up on group dates, which thankfully only happened twice, he just couldn't seem to get his words out or say the right things.

But with you? He could talk to you for hours. He felt comfortable around you. He trusted you and he cared about you and he knew you cared about him too.

Which is why he fished his phone out of his pocket mid lecture to send you a text, hoping this little plan of his might work.

Baby Bear🧸: we didn't finish studying You: did you want to meet back at the library after classes? Baby Bear🧸: nah. Just come over to my dorm. My roommate is out so we won't have any distractions You: okay. See you after class!

╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴╶╴

You tried to focus on your worksheet but the way Jongho was glaring at you was making you lose focus.

"Stop glaring at me," you said with a heavy sigh.

"I'm not glaring."

When Jongho had texted you, asking you to come over to finish studying, you couldn't contain your excitement. Maybe it was because you were secretly hoping your best friend was inviting you over with ulterior motives or maybe it was because you'd had a crush on the guy since the end of middle school.

Jongho didn't seem to notice how things changed around him in the transition from middle to high school. By the end of middle school, while he focused more on his studies, you saw how girls started to act around him. They were noticing him more as he grew out of his awkward childhood and started maturing.

And of course, you noticed, too.

By the time you were in your final year of high school, your tiny crush had turned into full blown infatuation yet Jongho seemed none the wiser. He never seemed to notice your subtle attempts at flirting. Perhaps he was as clueless as he claimed to be.

"You are too and it's distracting," you answered, setting down your pencil and beginning to stretch.

Since Jongho had invited you over to his dorm to continue your study session after the library one had ended so abruptly, you were currently sitting at his desk while he sat on his bed.

His eyed followed your movements, watching the way your shirt lifted ever so slightly when you stretched your arms above your head, exposing a small flash of skin that had him imagining things, heat rising to his cheeks.

Jongho cleared his throat and returned his eyes to his workbook but couldn't focus. Not when you continued to stretch.

He watched as you stood up and twisted your body, stretching your back before bending over to touch the floor. Had he not been fantasizing about you all day, he might have ignored the way your ass was on display as you stretched, bent over.

Had he been a little more focused, he would have noticed the way you glanced back at him, a devilish little smirk spreading across your lips.

You stood upright slowly before turning around and crossing to his bed. Jongho watched as you plopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and letting out a sigh.

Jongho, who pretended to not have been staring at you ass moments ago gave you a quizzical look.

"I'm bored," you whined, making him scoff.

"Studying isn't supposed to be fun," he replied, scribbling away in his workbook.

You looked up at him, admiring the way the soft lighting from his lamp casted a golden glow over his tanned skin, his dark brown eyes moving slightly as he read the text on the papers before him, the way his lips moved subtly as he mouthed the words his eyes were reading, looking more kissable now than ever.

Jongho wasn't a fool, he knew you were now staring at him, probably expecting him to entertain you somehow.

His eyes widened as you sat up, grabbing his workbook and tossing it aside.

"Yah! I was reading something!" He pouted as you took his pencil and tossed that, too.

"Then let's do something fun," you said, eyes shining with excitement. Jongho rolled his eyes. "We're supposed to be studying, Y/N," he reminded you. "That's why I invited you over," he added.

"Then let's take a short break," you suggested.

Jongho glanced at his poor workbook, laying in a heap on the floor, his pencil abandoned near it.

"I guess a break couldn't hurt," he mumbled, wondering what you had in mind.

Your smile widened and in a flash, you had moved, straddling his lap as he tried not to fall backwards onto the bed.

"W-what are you-?!" Jongho started to protest, his cheeks turning red at your sudden boldness.

"Shh," you said softly, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I saw you earlier," you added quietly, fingers grazing his scalp as you combed through his dark brown hair.

"S-saw what?" Jongho stammered, looking up at you with wide eyes.

"When I was stretching," you answered. You leaned in closer, your face inches from his. "I saw the way you were watching me. You aren't subtle, you know," you continued, your hot breath fanning over him, sending heat rushing to his head and not the one with the brain.

"Is that why you invited me over?" you asked, moving your head to whisper in his ear. "You can tell me, Jong. I won't judge."

Your words had a profound effect on your best friend, sending a shiver down his spine. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

"If you wanted to watch me stretch," you whispered, nuzzling his jaw, tugging lightly on his hair to expose more of his neck to you.

"All you had to do was ask."

Jongho let out a sigh as your lips met the skin of his neck, leaving light kisses as you moved down to where his neck met his shoulder, pushing the collar of his sweatshirt aside to tease the skin.

Your lips trailed back up, stopping briefly to graze your teeth against the spot just under his ear. Jongho let out a whine and you pulled back to gaze into his eyes. "You make such pretty sounds," you whispered, leaning in until your lips were inches from his.

"S-stop it," he muttered. You cocked an eyebrow.

"You want me to stop?" you asked, resisting the urge when he vigorously shook his head no. "Then what do you want me to stop?"

"Stop teasing me." His voice was so soft, almost helpless and you couldn't stop the smirk that appeared. "Are you sure that's what you want?" you asked, shifting on his lap and unintentionally grinding against him. "Hng, fuck," you heard him groan.

You pulled back to look down at him in shock.

"Did you just say 'fuck'?" You asked, looking impressed.

"Just shut up and kiss me already," Jongho snapped, looking flustered and like he was going to come undone any second.

You sighed out a "finally," before crashing your lips against his. Grabbing his hands, you placed them on your hips before tangling your fingers back in his hair.

The kiss was rushed, messy, but most importantly it was Jongho.

You'd wanted to kiss him for years and now you were finally getting that chance. There was no way you were gonna fuck this up.

Pulling back, your heart skipped a beat when Jongho tried to follow your lips, pouting when he couldn't. "What did you stop for?" he asked in a whiny voice. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," you said softly, fingers dragging through his hair.

Your best friend's eyes widened. "You've wanted to kiss…me?" he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Of course I have, you idiot," you laughed.

Jongho's brow furrowed. "So then why did you stop?" he asked again, almost as if he was challenging you.

You leaned back in, connecting your lips in a much slower, more intimate kiss, lips parting his slowly and your tongues meeting.

With your hands in his hair and his mouth preoccupied by yours, you tested the waters by rolling your hips, grinding against him slowly.

Jongho let out a moan, the sound muffled by your mouth. You felt his hands tighten around your waist, nails digging into the exposed skin under your cropped shirt.

"You've never done this, have you?" you asked after pulling away, resting your forehead against his. Jongho shook his head. "N-no," he mumbled. "N-never."

You continued to move, grinding against him, feeling him harden under your clothed heat. For once, you were grateful that women's clothing was so thin, allowing you to feel more.

"So innocent," you whispered, ducking your head to press wet kisses to his neck, trailing down the side, leaving little marks as you kissed, nipped and sucked at his skin.

"You're so good at this," Jongho whined, tilting his head to the side, silently begging for more.

He was fully hard under you now, hands gripping your ass as you grinded against his erection, earning desperate whimpers and moans from him.

"This is all so new for you, isn't it?" you asked, lips brushing against his ear. He nodded frantically, trying to guide your movements. You let out a soft chuckle, grinding harder against him.

"Are you gonna cum?" you whispered, enjoying the way he moaned under your touch. "Y-yes," he whined. "Gonna cum in your pants like a good boy?" Jongho let out a particularly low moan at that.

"You're getting so worked up and I've barely even touched you."

"Please," Jongho breathed, fingers digging into your skin, grabbing your ass tightly. "I need more."

You slowed your movements, pulling your hands from his hair to cup his face. "More? You need more?" you asked, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. "I guess I could give you more.'

You placed your hands on his shoulders and leaned over, pushing him back, his back hitting the mattress. You started to move, continuing your motions from before, rolling your hips and grinding against him again. "Oh shit," Jongho breathed.

"Does it feel good?" you asked, watching his face as it contorted in pleasure. "S-so good," he answered, tongue peeking out to lick his lips. "I wanna feel more," he added. "Wanna feel you."

You smirked, moving faster, letting out your own moans. "You haven't even cum and you already wanna be inside me?"

"Yeah," Jongho answered, his hands moving to squeeze your thighs. "Wanna feel all of you. I need it," he added, his hips bucking up to meet yours. "I need you."

You moaned again. It was so tempting to remove your pants and take his cock inside you but you didn't want to push him too far.

"Mmm, next time, baby, okay?" you cooed. Jongho whined, wanting to feel his cock inside you now.

"Please?" he whimpered. "Please baby. I need you. I need you so fucking bad." The way he spoke breathlessly made you want to give in, push your shorts and panties aside and sink down on him.

Be a good boy and cum for me first," you replied, grinding harder and faster against him. "Cum for me and I'll fuck you later. Only good boys deserve to get their cocks wet.

Your words had the intended effect on him and his pleas for you to fuck him turned into desperate whines as his orgasm approached.

"'M gonna cum," he moaned, eyes fluttering shut. "That's it baby," you purred, coaxing him into it. "Cum in these tight jeans for me."

Your best friend let out a whine, hands moving to your hips and guiding you over his erection as he came in his underwear. Your hips continued, chasing your own orgasm and helping him ride his out. You didn't last much longer, coming undone on top of him.

You both stayed still, panting heavily as you each tried to come down from your respective highs. Jongho moved one hand up to the back of your neck and pulled you down into a heated kiss.

"How long have you wanted to do that?" he asked, referring to what you just did when he finally found his voice.

"When you told me you were a virgin," you admitted, pulling back enough to look into his eyes. "But I've wanted you longer than that."

"Why didn't you say something?" he whined. "I've only been flirting with you since we were like 16," you replied, smiling as he pulled you in for another kiss. "You know I'm an idiot," he answered, lips against yours still. You pressed several short kisses to his lips.

"Yeah but you're my idiot now," you said, sitting back up, hands resting on his chest. Jongho looked up at you through half closed eyes. "I am?" he asked. "Yours, I mean."

You nodded, leaning over to kiss him again. "You are now." You felt him smile against your mouth. "Then that means you're mine, too?" he asked softly, to which you nodded, sitting back up to give him a mischievous grin.

"Yes, and now that you're mine, I can't wait to show you what you've been missing."

[averagetmntfan]

a special thank you to my moots.

(TW: suicidal thoughts, ig?)

ahem- so as I have mentioned, today is my 1 year old this platform! I honestly cant believe it’s been this..long? A lot has happened, too. And honestly for the longest time, it wasn’t going well. Like- at all.

(rant continues under the cut:)

I’m don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Im doing much better than before, so it’s really not a big deal anymore. I’m just giving some brief context for my 2023- early 2024 school year.

so, I made this blog a couple days before the whole situation went down. Which I think I briefly mentioned on here.

so for a bit, I had felt very uh- isolated in my friend group. I had kinda always been the odd one out. We had different interests. Their sort of fun was hangin’ out, gossiping and what not. And I was into cartoons, and art. I never really told them, though. There were sorta judgy, and I was very insecure. Because they make fun of people. And I didn’t wanna end up by myself.

But anyways- usually, they’d all leave. And tell me to watch their stuff. And since I’m sort of a pushover irl, I didn’t really argue about it. But when I say all of them leave-? I meant all of them. All 4 of em. And it often did upset me.

also they’d talk to people I didn’t even know- which, okay yeah- but I couldn’t talk to them. I didn’t wanna get dirty looks. I’m not a very outgoing person. I like to think I keep to myself often.

So, Halloween comes around. And this stuff doesn’t end. And for a bit more context, one of my friends was getting super annoying by me. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, like- at all. She easily got annoyed at me. And only me.

so she went to the Halloween dance- last block of the day

blah blah skip to after school and I text the group- “where are u guys?” None of them respond. So I search a lil bit, then head outside. Where- guess what? All of them were.

I asked “Why didn’t you answer the text?”

and my friends that gets annoyed at my easily said a snarky “my phone was off.” And was generally just being fucking bitch. And I use to be a big crybaby and stuff- and eventually grew out of it. But this- this sentence really upset me. I stormed off, avoiding all of them.

eventually I got on my bus and- well. Uh. Let my feelings out, if you will. I remember it very cleary, too. It was one of the most tears I had shed in a long time.

I get home, and the girl texts the gc, clamming I stormed off for “no reason” and I had enough. Saying smth “I obviously didnt storm off for no fucking reason”

a bit more of arguing keeps going, and a lot more sobs. It was one of the worst days I had ever had.

a few more days go by, and the situation gets worse. I avoid all of them, and hung out w/ a diff friend. I ranted/vent to her, telling her my friend was a Hippocrate for complaining about our other friends leaving, even tho she did the EXACT same fucking thing.

Which, was talking shit. So that wasn’t great and rlly bad of me. And I guess karma hit hard bc she texted me after school, saying I was talking shit abt her. Bc my friend was friends with her friends. So..awkward..

and really- the next day, it was over. I was free. But at what cost, really? I lost all my friends. Became an outcast, really. It was pathetic, now that I think about it.

for the rest of the year, I rarely spoke to them. And never talked to the other girl.

I spent most my time in the library, reading. And skipping out on eating. I was so unhappy. I don’t wanna say depressed but- very close.

it really made me hate who I was. It made me feel like a terrible person.

And that’s when I really did start using Tumblr more. It was sort of an escape, of mine. And god, I’m so glad I set up and account. I Met do many amazing and unique people one here.

This is sort of corny but, I really think this has helped me through a lot. Since a few months early I lost my privileges to tik tok, and discord. Which, yeah. Sucked.

but so many things had happened-! Joined a rp group, met a new online friend (which we are now very very close<3), found out about a LOT of facts, found other people who shared my interests!

so here we are, one year later.

it was really something. I’ve met so many wonderful people on here, man. Especially my moots. You guys know who you are. I’m not gonna tag you guys, but I’ll do a quick smth smth ig

FIRST OF- my first closest moots-!! Ghosty, cookie, Sleepy, Ally, And my Pooks, Ari. So many awesome things happened with these guys. A lot of funny moments, too. Lmao.

AND ALL MY RAMSHACKLE PEEPS- dew, anomaly, Schnozz, reboot, Bailey, lilac,- you guys are literally AWESOME UGH- I seriously enjoy every interaction I have with you guys. It genuinely makes me so happy

sorry this is super corny and stuff, I really wanted to make something meaningful for this. Thank you guys for being so amazing.<3

— jj

[isa-ghost]

Isa my darling! Happy Birthday, albeit a couple of days early.

Seeing you screech in Philza's streams because Apollo hit you with that dodgeball yet again makes me giggle a lot.

How about since headcanon's for qPhilza's past/pre island relationship with qFit. How they got to know each other, and how quickly they became friends?

Idr if I said this on Tumblr yet but deadass I asked Apollo on my pendulum if qPhil is his blorbo and he said yes. He's been as invested in shit as me and it's been hilarious. I literally have crows yelling at me irl to keep writing rn but I'm answering headcanons first.

The entire time I've been distracted between writing these, crows have been yelling at me about it. Which. Is how Apollo communicates with me when I'm not actively talking to him through readings LMFAO.

Also thank you for the birthday wish :D [desperately hoping nothing else horrible happens this weekend please god]

Anyway qPhil headcanons masterlist let's go

Disclaimer that I didn't know of Fit before QSMP (I've only been in mcyt for 4 years monkaS) so these are gonna be largely pulled out of my ass and a lil repetitive.

These two both have experiences in anarchy and war, they've definitely brushed shoulders a couple times bc of it

They admired each other's work ofc. Phil is a macro scale kinda guy, total annihilation and victory that makes a statement. Fit's more of a micro scale kinda guy, zeroing in on one person or group individually and making their lives hell until the end in the name of surviving a little longer

On that note, I think we all sleep a little bit on the fact that Fit is Also a survivalist like Phil, just in a very different set of high stakes conditions. These two are equally skilled in it and equally sharp strategists

On that note, anyone who knew them from the past would fear the idea of them coming together to create a plan of any kind, especially of the anarchist-fueled variety. If the Federation has done their research right, they should know full well how terrifying this duo could be in an effort to dismantle their authority

Btw by brushing shoulders I don't just mean brief passings by, I mean they've like. Camped out for a night together, temporarily truced for the sake of safety in numbers, etc. More than a few conversations have been had even if the time they've spent together totals to less than a week.

However, even when they weren't actively paired together, they'd still occasionally trade or gift each other surplus resources. It was a genuine kind act, even if it simultaneously served as a reason for each of them to not come after the other. I scratch your back, you scratch mine.

Like why do you think Fit was one of the first threats on Phil's mind in Purgatory. He Knew(tm). And he knew Fit has an affinity for picking off the weak first, like a lion after a herd of antelope. To him, Purgatory was the awakening of a monster who'd been dormant for a long time.

See, present day they're QPR as fuck, they'd never do this now without 10x the pressure Purgatory put on them, but back in the day they took close notes on each other's strengths and weaknesses. Just In Case, yknow? They could very much kill each other. Back in the day they would've if it came to it, no matter how good an ally they were.

Something about how these two used to be so cold and hard to the world. Be it to self-preserve or some other reason. Something about how now they've both softened and warmed after becoming parents. They never could've imagined the other would "weaken" like this, especially back then.

Phil 🤝🏻 Fit - Phil being a historian of the deities/builds of his Hardcore World, Fit being a historian of 2B2T

A lot of this boils down to mutual respect, common interests, and secret admiration tbh. And what's more homoerotic than that?

They're both crisis preppers. Not doomsday type shit, just. Being ready for shit to hit the fan. They both come from places where life is significantly more dangerous than it is in other realms.

The crazy thing is though? Despite the above, they can't imagine being from each other's realms. Phil would LOATHE 2B2T and Fit would hate the absoluteness of Hardcore. Isolation is absolute, death is absolute. There's no wiggle room or margin for error.

With how adaptive the two of them are due to their origins, they could probably acclimate to any conditions. They'd complain about having to, especially if it was inconvenient, but they could. They used to swap tips & tricks with each other on how to improve their adaptability too.

Fit would've 100% been down to join Phil on Doomsday in DSMP. He was thoroughly impressed when Phil told him the story.

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Okay, yeah... I thought so...

Replies screenshot from my add to this post this post that I accidentally found through an email notification of an @ that you'll see didn't even scan on my tumblr radar on a reblog chain I couldn't add on to again because I blocked OP (good ♥).

This attempt at an @ is still hilarious by the way like OP was so afraid of me she blocked me I literally couldn't fucking hear or responded to any of what you little shits were saying ...

@poutyrootveggie @duncebento @specialmouse Whoaaaaaaa you little mediocre weebshit abled-bodied special needs dunces! I was so shocked that the last tough guy @ from the miku simp with the tumblr badges literally didn't scan and I only found out about this from opening my email and clicking the blog notes!

Yeah, I know you abled-bodied little shits wish god nuked you half as much as she nuked me since you're begging not to be perceived as feeling anything in your legs since you wanna be a vegetable that bad so you can have access to your weeby little comfort items and Mickey D's toys forever because you're never gonna grow up and get laid and I know you're gonna understand this as much as I understand tiktok memes because back in my day it was a Beelzebub Song but let me teach y'all's lil' steven universe sour cream studio ghibli guzzling wannabe misgendering unwashed surfer brah asses about something called hyperbole and sarcasm and metaphor and what a real dramatic "queer reading" means : It means I know and I don't care and if you want me to be nit picky about it y'all are too special needs to even mind your spelling...

And in this context means no disrespect but sometimes I wish I had as much the privilege and confidence as a low support needs abled-bodied autistic on social media explaining a thing about their Fandumb Oppression Olympics to be able to get away with typing like that much of a high support needs retarded version of myself while pretending to be that shocked by what a woman in a wheelchair is saying while causally misgendering her while I don't have any OCD regarding using any sort of punctuation while I'm doing that so abled bodies don't think I'm retarded, because I'm an abled-bodied autistic that can get away with doing the best impression of a retarded version of myself because I'm quirky brah it's not that deep but this lady who I just called "dude" and I have no idea how she feels about that doesn't Know Her Memes TM and that's what matters.

Not that a bunch of abled-bodied autistic weebs are trying to gang up on an actually disabled wheelchair user right now over what again, essentially amounts to a fandumb superiority/bully complex bigger than the weebs on Big Bang Theory and again, essentially started over Spoopynatch dishorse,,,,,

Because when abled-bodied autistics talk like that online or irl itssamememario but if my wheelchair bound arse ever did that in front of an older abled-bodied authority figure or anyone abled-bodied really...! Nitwit school. Special Needs Programing. 9PM curfew stuck in a group home.

Anyway, Homestuck ended years ago go lobotomize yourselves with a sharpy collective hallucination style if you wanna unlive that angy abt it!

Was shit like this why I'm getting so many new followers? Thanks but no thanks kidz go listen to your bops! ;) ♥

Have fun being stuck in your little tenderqueer fandumb mode forever because you made sure Hazbin is my last one but at least I'm a recovering Disney Adult using her Vivzietine patch instead of a little shit gen z otaku who's so spoiled I can get away with pretending to be more brain damaged than I actually am!! ;) ♥ X.O

(But oh, before I go @poutyrootveggie ...

"#ITS A MEME ABOUT PEOPLES UNNECECARY DOGSHIT HELP #I NEED THIS TO BE SATIRE" .. You mean a bunch of unnecessary dog shit like..? A bunch of weebs and apparent Homestuck and Supernatural fans trying to collectively dogpile on a Hazbin Hotel fan sharing on a fandumb post on fandumb website tungle.hel when they try to scold you about wishing you were doing s satire when they don't understand hyperbole and you wish that this abled bodied shit autistic with a Miku plushie for an icon and tumblr badges was a satire in and of themselves but deep down you know they're seriously pathetic enough to think, again that, causally misgendering and harassing a wheelchair bound woman for barking too loud about their own Special Interest Demon Discourse TM on a post made by a person with the studio ghibli cat TM as their icon talking about their demon shit rusty nail show discourse cause they're loser who liked that dog shit in the first place and I know I have far superior taste than any of ya so don't fucking @ me again... You think any of this cyberbully shit when I was just minding my own damn business and didn't even @ OP sharing sharing my fandom story fandumb story on a fandumb post on a fandumb website makes you look like the good ones? You mean pulling some "unnecessary dog shit" on me like that?

Well, jokes on you hon...This Hellhounds second bite fueled by Kesha's Cotten Candy bit down so hard on that lil' pussy OP got so scared of me that they blocked me back, meaning I couldn't even fucking hear you when you tried to @ me to stir shit up again and hows this for a final anime showdown? I'm pulling a Hatsune Miku putting my headphones back on so I won't be able to fucking hear you again.. You abled-bodied-wannabe-tard! LA! LA LA!`~ ♥

You want my silence? Pay me for it!

[alterrune]

A MESSAGE FROM IRL!ALTERRUNE

tw: the 2024 election, politics, homophobia

Do I have to fucking do this...?

Yes, Kyle. I know you don't want to talk about this, but we need you to say something about your sudden absense from the story.

(Kyle's been in his room ever since 'the event' happened. He's been facedown on his bed ever since and is being incredibly rude and vulgar, even to Harmony and Synth. I've been trying to convince him to say something about this for a long time, and he finally let me do it after I intercepted an order from the cafeteria for him and said he'd have to leave his room for food until he did what I wanted. Believe it or not, he actually SUPPORTED the-President-that-must-not-be-named back in 2016, which he now considers as one of his biggest regrets. So seeing him back in power...yeah, his past came back to haunt him, and it's haunting him HARD.)

Let's just get this fucking over with.

Are you going to lift your head up, or...?

No. I'm fucking fine. Let's get this shit done.

(He's also been swearing like a sailor, and if you could hear his voice right now, it'd sound like he was totally and utterly exhausted. Which, to be frank, he is. He shot off numerous rounds into the walls of his room [which he said he'd pay the repair costs in full for], and told me he had to empty every single round of ammunition he had on him into the furniture and walls of his room so he didn't shoot a person. Of course he's exhausted.)

"okay, we're rolling."

Hey everyone. It's IRL!Alterrune here. And I'm fucking off for a bit.

To every fucking one of you in the USA right now who actually used their fucking brains during the elections: You have my sincerest condolences.

I supported that motherfucker, and to this goddamn day, I still consider that my biggest fucking regret ever.

"You're Canadian, why should you care?" Because thanks to the dumbass people who fucking supported that jerk-off, EVERYONE loses. The USA is incredibly powerful, so yeah, everyone on Earth, INCLUDING THEIR NEXT-DOOR-NEIGHBOR CANADA, fucking loses.

I am fucking retracting myself from the story for a bit. I don't know when I'll be back. But until he either gets impeached or fucking assassinated, I'm going to stay like this. And I sincerely hope it's the latter. I hope someone fucking blows his motherfucking brains out all over the goddamn floor and---

OOOOKAY, Kyle, that's enough of that! Let's move on, please!

(Kyle gives us a sneer. Excuse me, Kyle, but I'm not the one insinuating ASSASSINATION OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA here! I'm trying to stop you before you get us all in trouble!)

Regardless, as I was fucking saying, I'll be gone from the story for I don't even fucking know how long. I'll be back, but until then, I hope HE goes down before shit hits the fan.

And by the way, Vi. Believe me when I say this: there is a fucking LINE-UP for people trying to assassinate him. I'm MOST CERTAINLY NOT one of them because I'm not fucking looking to add "terrorist" to my resume, but there are others out there who can and WILL try to get a hit on him, and I'll be overjoyed when they finally kill him and fucking finally send him straight to Hell.

Vi? We should probably cut the feed before he says anything else that'll get us in HUGE trouble.

"HE'S ALREADY SAID ENOUGH. CUT THE FEED, ALREADY."

WAIT. There's one more thing I want to say.

(Kyle suddenly forces his head up...and...oh god. He hasn't been taking his sleeping pills for his insomnia, his face clearly shows that he hasn't gotten any sleep. He looks AWFUL. However, his angry expression suddenly changes into a somber one.)

(ahem)

To anyone who's in the LGBTQIA+ community:

Don't give up. Fight. Fight like you've never fucking fought before. He says you don't exist? Fuck him. You do exist. Don't let him drive you to suicide, that's exactly what he wants you to do. I may be straight, but I'm not going to sit back and let him ruin all of you. I don't care what the hell he says or does, BREAK THE LAW if you have to. Love is love, and fuck me if I'm letting that BASTARD try and ruin that.

(We all suddenly look in shock. Kyle, completely unprompted, just straight-up gave a sincere and heartfelt speech, and didn't add any unneccesary pander to it. ON ALMOST NO SLEEP.)

(While we're all picking our jaws up off the ground, Kyle gets back onto his bed, this time lying on his back with a pillow over his face.)

Okay. I'm done. Cut the fucking feed now.

(Harmony stops the feed on Kyle's command. Holy shit, what just happened?)

Well, that...could've gone better.

Yeah, but...that speech at the end. Kyle just suddenly did a 180 degree spin on that entire thing.

What the hell even happened there?

Yeah, Kyle, what was with that sudden shift?

I said exactly what had to be said. That the LGBTQIA+ community shouldn't give up just because the-President-that-must-not-be-named said so. If the world wants to fucking explode itself, then by god, I'm making sure I'm staying on the chunk of earth that has the right people on it. I had a PRIDE MONTH EVENT for AtO, so believe me when I say that I do not (and never will) support the actions he is taking. I will NOT let him fuck up the people in that community no matter what. I will defend them with my life if I have to.

Wow. I...uh...never expected YOU to be this defensive about this.

Who else will be?

Fair enough.

Alright, everyone, let's leave Kyle alone for a bit. I think he needs to take his insomnia pills.

Oh shit...I completely forgot to take them. Yeah, I think some rest would be nice.

(I escort everyone out of the room, as Kyle takes his sleeping pills and conks out almost immediately.)

Thanks, Kyle. Glad to know that even in times of peril, you still know who the good guys are, and you rush to defend them.

(I close the door to Kyle's room, leaving him to his nap. Sweet dreams, Kyle, hope you come back soon.)

STATUS OF IRL!ALTERRUNE: OFFLINE

[crimson-calligraphyx]

24: The Hell I Overcame

A/N: I'm apologizing in advance for the time skips, but it's time to close the story out. Thank you all so much for your support on this; I had so much fun writing this!

PS: I know Noah’s last name isn’t Sebastian irl. It is in my story tho hehe

Noah

"Will you stop taking so many pictures of me?" Liv groaned as she made her way to the top of the hill where I stood. I put my phone back in my pocket and folded my arms over my chest with a pout, feigning defeat. She closes the space between us and wraps her arms around me, "No pouting," she says, surely mocking me from earlier today. I chuckled lightly. "Let me take one more picture, and I promise I'll stop taking candids of you." She drops her arms from around me with a roll of her eyes. "Fine, but can I enjoy the view first?" "What do ya mean? The view's right here," I smirked as I pointed both thumbs towards myself. I laughed when she shot daggers at me without a word and waved my arm to the view beside us. "By all means, Liv, soak it all in."

I couldn't help but smile as I watched her face soften into pure astonishment as she absorbed the view. I loved seeing her genuine reactions; it brandished the true grace she held from the inside and out, and that's why I snapped all the pictures that I could. I wanted to cherish each and every moment of this trip with her. I wanted genuine smiles and real laughs, not just the 'picture-perfect' photos that anyone could fabricate.

As she took in the view below, I took in the true beauty in front of me: mahogany waves sailing in the breeze against alabaster skin, her dress mirroring the way the cherry blossoms flew by and settled in the river below.

I made my way over to her and took her hand in mine, having her gaze up at me, those electric eyes piercing right through me and warming me to the core. I smiled down at her as she rested her head on my arm and relaxes into me with a sigh. I wanted nothing more than to experience moments like this with her until the end of time.

I took a deep breath and break the comfortable silence, “Can I get that picture of you, now?” "You promise this is the last one?" she chuckles, shaking her head. “I promise, but you’re gonna have to pose a certain way for this one.” I wait for her to agree before I take her by the shoulders gently, having her stand in front of me while still facing the moat. "Okay, so here's what you're gonna do. Take my hand, and make it look like you’re guiding me down to the trees.”

She nods shallowly, holding her arm out towards me and takes my awaiting hand in hers. She looks back over her shoulder, one eyebrow perched. "Like this?" she asks, taking a small step forward. “Yes, perfect—it’s like you’re dragging me into an adventure. Now, look forward, Liv.” She laughs at me, but does as I say. “Have you been taking courses from Bryan or something?” "Yeah, something like that," I replied, taking a deep breath to calm the nerves that were beginning to run rampant within me.

She has no idea what I went through to get to this point—countless pep talks from the boys, hours searching for a ring that was right for her, days trying to figure out the perfect way to execute this. My brain was on the fritz as I recited the words I wrote a million times over in my head, hoping to God I wouldn't fuck this up. My heart ricocheted in my chest painfully as I hoped to God she wouldn't turn around and laugh, or run, or reject me. It was now or never.

I sucked in a large breath of air and held it, attempting to steady my hand that was holding my phone up. I snapped multiple pictures at different angles, hoping that at least one of them came out clear with how badly I was shaking. I could feel the hand that she was holding start to sweat—I let go of her hand, letting her arm swing back down to her side before she was able to notice.

"Did you get the picture?" she asked after a moment. I quickly grabbed the tiny velvet box from my pocket after dropping my phone on the ground, mentally cursing myself as I watched it tumble a few feet to my left. Guess I wasn't getting that last candid picture of the day that I really wanted to get. "Noah?" I dropped down onto one knee, scrambling to open the clamshell box in my hands to present it to her before she turned around.

Everything was in slow motion as I watched her turn on her heel, eyebrows knitting together when she doesn't see me directly in front of her. She glances down; I see her confusion melt into shock as her mouth dropped, her hands flying up to her face shortly after. She gasps, and I can just barely make out the tears starting to brim her eyes.

"Try to hold the waterworks until I'm done, okay?" I chuckled nervously, the ring in my hand suddenly weighing a hundred pounds. I hear her giggle into her palm, and she nods. I puffed out a breath of air, "Liv, from the second you bought me that drink and sat down with me at the bar, I was drawn to you. Something about that made the bells go off in my head, and I knew I had to get to know you. I'm not saying it was love at first sight, cuz that shit ain't real, but fuck. You had this aura permeating from you that made the air a little lighter each time I saw you."

I watched the first tear roll down her cheek as she choked on a sob. I wanted to stop my speech and hold her to me, to wipe those tears off her face, to kiss her lips that I knew were trembling behind her hand.

I cleared my throat and continued. "The moment I was able to see the ocean in your eyes, I was scared shitless, but I knew that I never wanted to go a day without seeing them again. In the year that we've known each other, I've never felt more alive and thankful to be here because of you. Feel free to slap me for using your full name as soon as I shut up." We both chuckled. "Heather Olivia Foster, will you let me see the color in your eyes for the rest of my life and marry me?" "Yes! A million times yes, Noah!" she exclaims, frantically nodding her head as tears spill down her face.

I felt the weight lift right off my shoulders hearing her answer, my own tears glossing over my eyes as I beamed at her, elated. I took her left hand and slipped the ring onto her finger, admiring how perfectly it complimented her hand—my ring, on her hand.

She doesn't even glance down at it; she simply cups my face with both hands and plants her mouth to mine passionately. I smiled against her trembling lips as she continued to let out soft cries while kissing me—I could taste the salt on her lips from her tears. I wrapped my arms around her waist and stood up, lifting her off the ground to spin her. She locks her arms around my neck and clings on, laughing as she kicks out her legs behind her.

I place her back on her feet and take her face between my hands, swiping my thumbs over her cheeks to dry them. I rested my forehead gently against hers, getting lost in her iridescent eyes as they continued to glisten from fresh tears. "You just made me the happiest man on the planet. I hope you know that Olivia," I whispered to her. "Well, you just made me the happiest woman on the planet." "That was the goal," I chuckled and gave her a kiss on the nose. "One more picture." She scoffs but grins shortly after, "Only if I get to choose the pose this time." "Deal."

I picked my phone up off the ground, relieved to see that it wasn't cracked after brushing the dirt off of it. "So, here's what we're gonna do. I think you're smart enough to follow my lead," she says with a wink and places her left hand on my cheek. "Ready?" I smirked and held my phone up for the selfie as she kisses me, still brandishing the ring on her finger with her hand on my cheek. I blindly snapped a few pictures before tucking my phone back in my pocket and wrapping my arms around her.

-

Olivia

Sitting in the airport, I couldn't keep my eyes off the new diamond that sat on my finger as I continuously moved my hand about to catch the light. It was nearly the same as the necklace Noah had given me prior; though the main stone was square and not heart-shaped, it was haloed with smaller diamonds, casting tiny rainbows about. The silver band twined as it met at the top, brandishing more minuscule diamonds.

Was this real life? Was I really about to leave Japan engaged to Noah? Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

As if he could read my mind, Noah drapes his arm over my shoulders and gives me a squeeze, pulling me from my thoughts. I turned my attention to him; he had the softest smile curling at the corners of his lips, his eyelids heavy from the little sleep we got last night. I rested my head against his chest, sighing peacefully as he rubbed my upper arm.

I grinned to myself as the images of last night flooded back into my mind. The feeling of our skin brushing against one another, the sound of gentle sighs, the delicacy of his hands as they caressed the curves of my body. The feeling of his lips on mine, the warmth from his chocolate eyes as they gazed deeply into mine. The intimacy we burned into each other leisurely, unhurried, taking our time to express the love within us.

"I love you," I mumbled, nuzzling my head against his chest. He hums and gives me a kiss on the top of my head, "I love you too, Liv. You ready to get back into the swing of things when we get home?" I groaned, "No, not at all. Can we stay here instead?" I hear a chuckle vibrate in his chest, "I wish. You'd have to leave Vic and your mom behind, would you really wanna do that?" "I guess not," I sighed. "Speaking of which, I should probably give Vic a call, she'd be pissed if I came back and didn't tell her you popped the question." Noah takes his arm away from my shoulders as I sat up to retrieve my phone, FaceTiming her.

"You bitch," she grumbles as she answers. It was still dark where she was; I could just barely make out her face from the soft glow from her phone screen. "This better be good, or I swear I'm disowning you. You do realize it's like 5 in the morning here, right?" "Shit, sorry," I cringed, completely forgetting about the time difference. "I think this is reasonable," I say, holding my hand up in front of the camera.

I watched her blink a few times, trying to focus her sleepy vision on what I was showing her. It takes her a moment, but she suddenly sits up, rubbing her eye. "No fucking way!" she exclaims, "He actually fucking did it." I laughed, shaking my head. "What do you mean 'actually'?" She snorts, "Girl, he's been planning this for a few months, but he was being a little chicken-shit about it." "Hey! I was not!" Noah butts in, whining, "I wanted it to be the right time and place." "Yeah, yeah. I said what I said!" she hollers back at him. "Anyway, congratulations you two, I'm going back to sleep. And for the love of God, get all the gross lovey-dovey shit out of your system before you land." She hangs up, and I couldn't help but laugh with a shake of my head. "On second thought, maybe I could leave her behind."

-

ONE YEAR, 5 MONTHS LATER

"You doing okay?"

I looked over at Victoria as she places a reassuring hand on my back. She looked so beautiful in her maroon dress, her makeup done perfectly to match. Her chestnut hair was curled over her right shoulder, a peppering of baby's breath laced in to mirror mine.

"Yeah," I breathed out, brandishing an apprehensive smile. My stomach was churning, the nerves settling in. "You look beautiful," she says quietly, her eyes starting to gloss over as she looks me up and down. "Noah is one lucky man." I chuckle bashfully, smiling down at the floor. "Thanks, Vic. I hope he feels that way." She tips my head up by my chin, looking me straight in the eye. "Of course he does, Olivia. Don't be stupid. Even the blind could see how much this man adores you."

Tears began to well up in my eyes hearing her words and I let out a tiny laugh, sniffling. "No, stop that! You're going to ruin your makeup," she scolds me, fanning my face to dry the tears that were threatening to spill. "Sorry, I'm sorry," my voice cracked as I rolled my eyes to the ceiling, fanning my face along with Vic. "I'm just happy and nervous and excited and—" She pulls me into a tight embrace and rubs my back, "Shh, I know, Liv. I know. Deep breaths."

I sucked in a deep breath and held it, pulling away from her to dab under my nose and eyes, careful not to smudge any makeup. I let go of the breath I was holding and nod to myself. I can do this. There's nothing to be nervous about; it's just Noah at the end of the aisle, the man who has been with me every step of the way these last two plus years.

“Don’t you two ladies look fabulous,” Ricky’s voice pulls me from my thoughts as he joins us. He gives us each a gentle kiss on the cheek, “It’s almost time. You ready for this?” I huff out another nervous breath, nodding, “Yeah. I-I think so.” He quirks an eyebrow. “You think? Listen, I don’t have to give you away. I can head back to Boston,” he shrugs, promptly thumbing over his shoulder. Victoria smacks him on the shoulder, “Ricky, don’t joke like that. She’s already a ball of nerves, we don’t need her freaking out because she thinks you’re gonna up and leave before she walks down the aisle!” “Ow, chill, woman! I was just kidding, she knows that!” “Don’t you ‘woman’ me, Richard,” Vic scolds, getting up in his face. He groans, “Don’t call me that! You sound just like mom when you do that!”

“Guys,” I laughed, putting a hand on each of their chests to separate them. “You can settle your family feud later. Right now, it’s about—” “It’s time,” Nick Ruffilo pops his way in, smiling over at the three of us. “C’mon Vic,” he waves an arm, beckoning her over. She nods at Nicholas before turning back towards me, “I’ll see you out there,” she says gently and reaches behind my head to pull the veil over my face. She fluffs it out, positioning it to her liking before she wraps her arms around me, giving me a tight squeeze. “Feel free to beat Ricky’s ass if he tries to pull some shit,” she mumbles in my ear before she breaks away. I laughed as she winked at me, turning on her heel to link arms with Nick as they made their way out to the venue.

“Can I say one thing before we go out there?” Ricky asks. I grin up at him, “Sure, of course you can.” “I just wanted to let you know how much it means to me that you asked me to walk you down the aisle. I know I’m not your dad, and it’s definitely not the same, but it’s an honor,” he says with a sincere smile on his face. “He would be so proud of you and all that you’ve accomplished, Liv. I just know that he’s smiling down on us right now.” My lips quiver as I absorbed his words, tears springing to my eyes again. “Ricky, you can’t be saying this shit. You’re gonna make me cry and ruin my makeup, and then Victoria is really gonna kick your ass,” I say with a chuckle. “In all seriousness, though, I wouldn’t want anyone else to give me away if it weren’t my dad. Thank you for this.” “Of course, Olivia. You’re like my second sister, even though we’re states apart and haven’t seen each other much,” he grins, holding his arm out. “Shall we?”

I dabbed under my waterline again, making sure my face was dry before I nodded and linked my arm through his. He guides me over to the table where my bouquet of roses gently rested; I picked them up and clutched them to my chest, their aroma roaming around me as we continued our walk to the aisle.

Everything was silent, save for the wedding music, as we cleared the French doors—everyone’s attention was averted to me. Nervous from everyone’s eyes on me, I squeezed Ricky’s arm to me a little tighter, and took a deep breath.

Nick’s niece ran ahead of us, dropping the flowers by the handful as she trotted down the aisle. The room hummed with quiet laughter when she stopped to double back and scoop up some petals she had already dropped, refilling her presumably empty basket. She carries on, and finishes spreading the flowers down the path. I giggled as I watched her innocently skip up to the alter, promptly wrapping herself around Nick’s legs after she completed her duty as the flower girl. He squats down to her level and gives her a hug before he directs her back to his parents.

As I made my way down the path, I found my mom at the very front, who was trying her absolute best not to cry. She had her lips pressed into a tight line, her chin trembling as she took deep breaths through her nose to hold herself together. I give her the cheek-to-cheek air kiss and whisper a quick ‘I love you’ as I passed—the tears roll down her face shortly thereafter. I flash her a smile before stepping up to the altar, handing Vic my bouquet as Ricky unveiled me before taking his seat next to my mom.

When I finally turned to Noah, I nearly lost it after I soaked in his appearance. His espresso-brown eyes shimmered with tears as his lips pressed tightly together and curled at the outer corners. I could see them quivering just a tad as he sniffles, holding back a cry; my heart melted at the sight. I found myself mimicking him from the emotions emanating from him, only a tear made its way down my left cheek. He brushes it away before taking my hands in his, giving them a reassuring squeeze.

Still trying to get used to his short hair, I grinned seeing the top layer of his dark hair pulled back into a neat bun, a few loose strands resting on his forehead. He sees that my eyes are fixed on it; his eyes now crossed while trying to look up at his forehead, causing me to giggle. He blows at the strands before bringing his attention back to me, a goofy grin splayed on his face. “You’re too cute,” I whisper to him. “And you’re beautiful,” he murmurs back, smiling down at me. I feel my face flush as if this is the first time he’s ever said this to me.

"Family and friends," the officiant's voice boomed, causing me to jump. Noah and I both shared a quiet chuckle at my reaction as he continued. "Thank you all for coming today to share this special occasion. At this moment, we are here together to unite Noah and Olivia in marriage."

I felt like I was about to fly away as the officiant continued his invocation, the words being muddled as I focused on Noah's smile and the way his hands felt in mine. I was squeezing his hands so tightly to keep myself grounded, to make sure that this moment in time was real and not just a figment of my imagination. I could see his lips move as he said his vows, I could feel mine moving as I said mine, but everything was such a blur until the words "You may kiss the bride" were spoken.

Cheers exploded around us as we kissed, Noah lowering me into a dip. I feel his lips curl into a smile against mine briefly before he parts, just gazing into my eyes. He rests his forehead against mine and places a hand on my face, brushing his thumb across my cheek delicately. "I love you, Olivia Sebastian." I smile wide as tears spring to my eyes and my heart swells in my chest after hearing my new name come out of his mouth. "I love you too, Noah Sebastian," I giggled.

He stands us up straight and takes hold of my hand, giving it a firm squeeze as he turns towards the audience. We raise our adjoined hands up as we make our way back down the aisle together, smiling wide as our loved ones cheered us on into our new journey...

My name is Olivia Sebastian, and this was the story of the Hell I overcame.

[tradetobest]

dee's march 2024 fic recs!!

once again, i am late!! BUT ... its finals season so... also i guess i did less reading this month rip but,.... READ THESE

(FIC ROULETTE 1 2 3 4 5)

rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints by anonymous

pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: E words: 32k summary: For all the draft hype and semi-annual questions about it, that’s all there ever was between him and Eichel. No friendship, no rivalry, just a one-minute maybe in a crowded hotel room on a team that was never as relevant as Connor wanted it to be. Even if Eichel had meant anything at all by it at the time, he’s surely forgotten about it by now. **** Jack Eichel is traded to the Pacific Division and Connor McDavid is being super normal about it

OUGHHHH..... id been subscribed to this fic SINCE august 2023 and WORTH THE FUCKING WAIT LET ME TELL U!!!! literally perfect mceichel. yes.... yes go over to his house with a flamingo..... yes "does he want me to show up..... idekk" and then the friend is like "yeah hes been fucking insane obsessed w you this whole time thank gawd yr here bro" OUGH..... theyre perfect to me

scar tissue by anonymous

pairing: tyler seguin/jamie benn rating: T words: 12k summary: Jamie still remembers when they were practically living out of each other’s pockets, the memory twinging like a muscle he hasn’t used in a long time but that his body hasn’t forgotten. It was probably inevitable that they’d see less of each other once Jamie formally requested that they no longer go into the field together but it still hits him sometimes. The tangible feeling of loss despite it having been his own decision in the end. Tyler didn’t speak to him for a month after he found out. 

SPIES!!! SPIES SPIES SPIES!!! you know i am ALWAYS down for a bennguin fic and OUGH this one was SO fun..... i LOVE "trying to protect you by letting you go" and then it SPIRALS. sooooo good. twirls hair.

Hello, You've Reached Mr. Handyman by crookedsilence

pairing: jack eichel/connor mcdavid rating: T words: 5k summary: His first thought is that this has to be a prank. Because, despite the distressed clothes and faded red toolbox, there is no way this guy is a legitimate handyman.

OUGH...... OUHHHH.... CONNOR MCDAVID YOU ARE SO .... TO ME..... cradles this fic's connor in my hands.... you do not know how to fix a cabinet...... idiots to lovers at its FINEST i love it so muhc

who can grow me by thekookster

pairing: brady tkachuck & matthew tkachuck rating: T words: 6k summary: But Brady had laughed like it was a joke, and then Brady’d said, no you’re not. C’mon, you’ve never been like that, and then Brady’d gotten upset and said but wouldn’t it be easier if— And then Brady hadn’t talked to him for five months. — After Matthew loses in the Stanley Cup Final, Brady takes him to a cabin for a weekend. They have a lot they’re not talking about.

READ THIS FIC. OHH MY GOD.... this one went DIRECTLY into my recs such a great exploration of family dynamics and like. If Coming Out Goes Badly. when i recced this to an irl they went "brady wouldnt say that" and i thought it was funny but this fic is so worth the He Wouldn't Fucking Say That.... OUGH...... WHO CAN GROW ME A NEW BROTHER................ what if i sobbed

See This Through by impertinence

pairing: sidney crosby/evgeni malkin rating: E words: 32k summary: Sidney's drunk when he orders a Russian bride. He doesn't expect anyone to show up - and he definitely doesn't expect that person to be an awkward-looking guy who barely speaks English.

MAIL ORDER BRIDE FIC......................... OUGHH...... op..... op you know exactly what i want in life fr.... please read this yall it slays

[shaaaaaaar]

god i don’t think loneliness has ever felt as bad as it has this summer.

ive had more intense feelings of loneliness in my life than i feel now, but this sensation of loneliness feels worse. it’s the pain of being given all you could ever want but having it be taken away before you can truly relish in it.

across the past year i’ve built and developed such meaningful connections with people. for the first time irl i had a group of people i was close to that actually shared hobbies with me. people that made me realize just how touch-starved i am and to understand my needs better, people that taught me how to say “i love you” because they showed me how strong platonic love can be. people that loved me for all of me.

i had never been told before that someone loves all of me including my best and my worst. i had never been told thank you after rambling for like an hour about something. ive had genuinely amazing people in my life before, kind and funny and that are cool as hell. but i never had the type of friend group i formed in the past year.

but then i had to graduate. before i was ready to be gone from everyone. and they’re all right on my phone, but it’s not the same because a lot of what made it special was having people that are right there with me. and we still haven’t found our footing online, our little discord server we use still hasn’t found its footing (which if i said i wasn’t part of the problem i’d be a liar), i’m not as connected with people and i’m not doing things with people and i was supposed to be doing more than i am, that’s what i told myself and what i told other people and what other people expect from me.

i’ve stopped trying to plan things online because trying to do so was making me so stressed i was physically ill constsntly, to the point i was literally told to stop for my own sake. so i haven’t done things with people.

i’ve barely seen people outside of school over the summer because i’m already so exhausted from things online, making plans irl makes me so sick i freeze up at the thought of trying. so i’ve seen people twice and one of those two times i was having a breakdown for half of it because i was so scared.

i can’t manage it. nothing has happened.

and i’m pretty sure i’m taking this worse than anyone else is, i feel like i’m living in a nightmare. and i know about self fulfilling prophecies, that’s been something i’m scared of and conscious of too, but i don’t think anyone truly gets just how much i’m losing here because i’ve never had this in my life before. sometimes my inaction is because the fact that i have to take action to begin with makes me feel horrific.

i’ve fought my ass off this summer, fought against this beautiful disaster of the culmination of my mental illness and neurodivergency and my interests and my queerness and everything that makes me atypical making it hard to find my tribe. i’ve kicked and screamed to be able to hold on, hold onto something, one thing with this one fucking group that can stay normal and undamaged and not at total risk.

i don’t want to call out for help anymore because i feel like if i let myself cry i’m only putting things more in jeopardy. i still have but either with the safety and stability of my online friend group, vague because i’m scared to actually say anything, or if i do actually talk about things transparently it’s very sporadic.

today was a breaking point for all of this. where i’m so stressed and so exhausted and so scared that i was this close to removing everyone and running and praying that somehow that’d make things better (despite knowing it’s stupid and counterproductive) purely because i can’t handle this anymore and i don’t know what to do because i feel like i’ve tried everything.

i just want this shit to be fucking over.

i don’t want to be alone anymore.

[neowinestainedress]

omg hiii its 2 am at my place when i finished 'hits different' and now typing this (and idk what time i gonna finish typing and hit the blue button to send). my eyes still wet cuz omg yes again i cried. you write so well and i swear i could write a wholw paragraph about how much i love your style and writing and how you poured emotions into your writing. i just hope whatever you do in your life outside this app, you'll never stop writing, even if it's a hobby to kill your free time but i'm sure you love writing with all the word counts every time you released a story. (definitely not saying the short works doesnt have your love poured in but you know what i mean, i just really love long oneshot and i appreciate it so much that you wrote them to the end and uploaded it here)

the development of your characters... damn. you wrote them so well. AND OH GOSH HAECHAN CHARACTER HERE IS JUST A PERFECT DAYDREAMING GUY WE ALL WANT IN OUR LIVES. "When life give you Haechan, don't let him slip away." GOD I WISH LIFE GIVE ME A LEE HAECHAN (i mean yes technically we are living the same lifetime with one and only lee haechan), to the point i dont think i will be able to fall in love with other men irl cuz haechan has set the bar too high for anyone to reach it. okay that's probably too personal. But, once again thank you for writing a very perfect lee haechan in your writing once again. At least the hopeless romantic in me can be happy.

And the angst??? I LIVE TO READ AND LOVE ANGST, I AM LIVING FOR IT. At some point i feel like the pinch to my heart get so real i think im really the fl in the story. well i definitely can feel the real trauma and i understand how she acted like that. poor haechan but yeah it happened when it get to overwhelmed. Thanks for his characteristics tho, he stays and lord i want a man like him (no i dont want other men) and being the most understanding, patience, he like an angel he deserves so damn much love and honestly i wish the fl give him that even after the story end with happy ending cuz yes both of them deserves the happiness and love together.

but of course haechan can be the real devil when it comes to making love (oh i wish theres a part where they be making love like you know after confessing and becoming couple so the tension is not in the air and they can just enjoy yeaㅡ i need to writing too much)

“And I will die like a man,” he insists, challenging you with a glare.

“Yeah, exactly, don’t think,” he snarls.

“I don’t want to hear you. I don’t need to hear you to know you’re going dumb on my cock.”

Yes, i died here. And come back to life and SCREAM. He is a menace, a loser, BUT I WANT HIM. Honestly there are lot more (i mean its 40k+) but yeah i need to stay sane for my own self. Adding cherries on top, he is the real guy because whatever situation he knows he shouldn't force and always care for the fl.

And i love how you include all the positivity in the fic, tho of course it should be a norm, SAY YES TO NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE WHEN THE WOMEN OR EVEN MEN NOT BEING THEMSELVES!!

Well honestly, i kinda wonder if Mark actually know it's fl that Haechan always brought home and fuck (when he is there). So, I always thought like maybe Mark heard it and then shove anything in his ears to block the moans and all so he never noticed fl's voice or maybe he get out of the house whenever it happened (and he is not out of the house yet), or he just pretend he didn't know anything but that doesn't make sense cuz when haechan was with wonyoung, he didn't seems to like saying something that involved feelings with the fl.

I have so much things to say but i will cut it short here with thank you for writing a perfect long piece of yet another haechan fic, i really love it!

and here am i moving on to other things...

This is probably too long already and this is not related to 'hits different' but your other fic, the traitor series. idk if you still remember but i used to send ask where i talked about 2nd part and you did replied but i didnt replied back (sorry about that) because i was waiting until the 3rd part come out and decided to just get back to the 'discussion' after that but i never did altho i have read the 3rd part due to my busy schedule so i ended up losing the notif since tumblr only let certain amount of time. and i finally get back to you now. Another reason is it's the same as this, i have so much things to say and couldnt find a right way to put it into long para cuz yes of course im so satisfied with your writing and at the end the fl get together with haechan just like how i wish altho he kinda dont deserve it. Yes of course i still feel like he doesnt deserve her after all he did to her but he changes and i shouldnt hold onto it too much when they could find happiness among themselves again. You did included it in your note about writing another part for jeno but since its already too long. Well im not gonna ask you to write about because i have seen your wip and you planned to write a lot and your req is close too (+ it's too late now anyway) so i will just say this here, well honestly you always end your story with characters developments so theres nothing to ask for more. I would love to see how haechan and the fl in their new 2nd chance relationship, like how haechan treat her when they hanging out with their friends and if jeno finally found the loml cuz he deserves his own happy ending (altho ofc happy ending doesnt mean he need to find a partner to be with). But that should be it. I'm just writing this here cuz i feel bad for not getting back to you for that series but also its not only bc i feel bad cuz that sounds like im forcing myself it just i really think i should tell you you did well writing the series and appreciate it that you even took time before posting the last part so you of course put so much in thought how youre going to end it and i feel the need to put closure to our discussion just because it's worth it. It deserve the closure note too and once again im so sorry for coming this late to give feedback of the series.

Hoping for your happiness and have nice days ahead!! couldn't wait for your other masterpieces but still take time!! Lots of love!!!! 💗💗💗💗

hii!! i wanted to say that i thought it’s impossible to cry for this fic as if i didn’t tear up while i wrote the last texts haechan sent the mc lmao (i’m a liar) so i’m sorry, my next goals are 1) a happy fic and 2) a short fic. this made me tear up, i’m so happy you can see how much i love writing and i hope the same. if i’m lucky enough to get the job i hope to get i should have a bit of free time to keep my writing hobby alive so, let’s hope for the best! And yes, i totally get what you mean, writing a 20-40k or more story takes much more time than a fic around 1-5k words and if you don’t love doing it you don’t put those words down.  

the development of your characters... damn. you wrote them so well. AND OH GOSH HAECHAN CHARACTER HERE IS JUST A PERFECT DAYDREAMING GUY WE ALL WANT IN OUR LIVES. "When life give you Haechan, don't let him slip away." GOD I WISH LIFE GIVE ME A LEE HAECHAN (i mean yes technically we are living the same lifetime with one and only lee haechan), to the point i dont think i will be able to fall in love with other men irl cuz haechan has set the bar too high for anyone to reach it. okay that's probably too personal. But, once again thank you for writing a very perfect lee haechan in your writing once again. At least the hopeless romantic in me can be happy.

this is haechan’s vendetta for all the times i wrote him like an asshole LET’S GO HAECHAN AND SUNFLOWERS!!! it’s not a want it’s a NEED at this point (also it got nothing to do with the story but lately he’s feeding my delusion a bit too much so yeah). i might’ve written the man of my dreams in this fic… just maybe. no but it’s true that we don’t know him truly but it’s already a blessing to living at the same time. i think i came up with a good compromise between real him and obviously made up character, idk how to explain but the mix between the hopeless romantic – or loser (affectionative) – and the tease is just so haechan.

And the angst??? I LIVE TO READ AND LOVE ANGST, I AM LIVING FOR IT. At some point i feel like the pinch to my heart get so real i think im really the fl in the story. well i definitely can feel the real trauma and i understand how she acted like that. poor haechan but yeah it happened when it get to overwhelmed. Thanks for his characteristics tho, he stays and lord i want a man like him (no i dont want other men) and being the most understanding, patience, he like an angel he deserves so damn much love and honestly i wish the fl give him that even after the story end with happy ending cuz yes both of them deserves the happiness and love together.

i was unsure about her backstory for so long, because initially she wasn’t supposed to have one (not this heavy at least) but then it came to me out of nowhere and i felt it was more fitting of a reasoning for the way she behaved (especially her obsession with rules) than some tough break-ups. i’m not even sure it was what the person that requested wanted but as much as I love fwb2l i’m sick of always reading them with the fl being the first one to fall in love or the one to be more emotionally into the story. i struggled to come up with a plot for months but i was sure since the start that i wanted haechan’s character to be like this. the first one to reach out (when they met again at the club, when he asked for her number, asking her to stay over and so on) i needed loser haechan in my life so badly. and yeah, i can reassure you they’re living happily together because it’s what they deserve.

but of course haechan can be the real devil when it comes to making love (oh i wish theres a part where they be making love like you know after confessing and becoming couple so the tension is not in the air and they can just enjoy yeaㅡ i need to writing too much) “And I will die like a man,” he insists, challenging you with a glare.|“Yeah, exactly, don’t think,” he snarls. | “I don’t want to hear you. I don’t need to hear you to know you’re going dumb on my cock.” Yes, i died here. And come back to life and SCREAM. He is a menace, a loser, BUT I WANT HIM. Honestly there are lot more (i mean its 40k+) but yeah i need to stay sane for my own self. Adding cherries on top, he is the real guy because whatever situation he knows he shouldn't force and always care for the fl.

i wasn’t sure about ending it where it ended, but to be honest i didn’t even think about writing a short smut scene. i wanted to add another scene like two months later but then i thought the fic was too long already so i was like ‘nah, let’s leave it to reader’s imagination’. now you’re making me think about them making love and i’m crying. it would’ve been even better if it was from haechan’s pov, like… he really thought he had lost her and then… she was still there??? and she confessed she never loved nobody else like him??? BRB GOTTA HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

the funny thing is the I KNOW that Haechan’s the type to say things like this even irl it’s just his vibe *crying* whoever dates him is so lucky.

i literally wrote about a man that will never exist in real life, how do i bring him to life??

And I love how you include all the positivity in the fic, tho of course it should be a norm, SAY YES TO NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE WHEN THE WOMEN OR EVEN MEN NOT BEING THEMSELVES!!

it should be the norm but unfortunately it’s not so rip

Well honestly, i kinda wonder if Mark actually know it's fl that Haechan always brought home and fuck (when he is there). So, I always thought like maybe Mark heard it and then shove anything in his ears to block the moans and all so he never noticed fl's voice or maybe he get out of the house whenever it happened (and he is not out of the house yet), or he just pretend he didn't know anything but that doesn't make sense cuz when haechan was with wonyoung, he didn't seems to like saying something that involved feelings with the fl.

can i be honest? i love mark but in this story he really is mr clueles😭 1) he’s awkward so even if he heard (he did hear at times) he would shove his earphones on and try to fall asleep like that. 2) after a few months of their affair, he started dating minjeong so he didn’t want to listen and try to analyse the moans of his roommate’s hookup at all 3) the mc was just too good at slipping away they never met not even by mistake and also most of the times they just met up when mark wasn’t there. he knew something was going on but he never pried on it much, also because haechan was good at keeping it a secret. hyuck flirts with many people so to mark is not really weird he brings someone at home every now and then. and haechan’s story with wonyoung was super short and at one point it’s clear hyuck doesn’t talk much about his relationships so mark almost only makes assumptions about them (in fact, to him they’re dating but they’re really not, when haechan goes back to the mc and has to talk with wonyoung it’s just to say that they can’t get to know each other romantically because there’s someone else in his life). it’s a mix of mark barely being with his head on earth (they way he always tries to set mc up with anybody every time they go out when she’s sulking because she wants Haechan sends me) and mc and haechan being good at keeping it a secret (always in a corner, touches under the table, going to a place they know none of their friends will ever go)

I have so much things to say but i will cut it short here with thank you for writing a perfect long piece of yet another haechan fic, i really love it!

Thank you, it made so happy to discuss it with you, probably I’ve answered too much but I hope it’s not a problem!!

This is probably too long already and this is not related to 'hits different' but your other fic, the traitor series. idk if you still remember but i used to send ask where i talked about 2nd part and you did replied but i didnt replied back (sorry about that) because i was waiting until the 3rd part come out and decided to just get back to the 'discussion' after that but i never did altho i have read the 3rd part due to my busy schedule so i ended up losing the notif since tumblr only let certain amount of time. and i finally get back to you now.

i have a few asks about that story so i’m not sure which one is yours (i guess the long one? did you want haechan and the mc to get back together but at the same time you wanted to slap him for what he did?) but apart from that, don’t worry. i don’t mind even if you discuss a fic six months after i posted it or even a year, life gets busy and tumblr sucks so it’s fine.

Another reason is it's the same as this, i have so much things to say and couldnt find a right way to put it into long para cuz yes of course im so satisfied with your writing and at the end the fl get together with haechan just like how i wish altho he kinda dont deserve it. Yes of course i still feel like he doesnt deserve her after all he did to her but he changes and i shouldnt hold onto it too much when they could find happiness among themselves again.

i’m happy you liked the ending of happier. haechan in that series surely wasn’t the man of our dreams but he’s working hard to be a better person. i know it’s all fictional and those characters don’t exist but i wouldn’t have made it end that way if i didn’t know he could be a better man and keep on growing up, so you can sleep at night knowing they’re all happy.

You did included it in your note about writing another part for jeno but since its already too long. Well im not gonna ask you to write about because i have seen your wip and you planned to write a lot and your req is close too (+ it's too late now anyway) so i will just say this here, well honestly you always end your story with characters developments so theres nothing to ask for more. I would love to see how haechan and the fl in their new 2nd chance relationship, like how haechan treat her when they hanging out with their friends and if jeno finally found the loml cuz he deserves his own happy ending (altho ofc happy ending doesnt mean he need to find a partner to be with).

honestly? i wanted to write that part right away even if nobody wanted it. but then last year i had a really bad burn out and i still have no idea how i managed to write the stories i had planned back then (and in fact i didn’t write two of one series) so i decided to don’t start anything because then i get mad at me. like i use writing as escapism and when i start a story and can’t give it an ending it reflects on me more than it should, so i’ve promised myself to don’t put too much on the plate. BUT who knows, if i can keep it short i could still write a small epilogue where we see more of haechan and mc’s relationship and also jeno. in my mind they’re all back together as friends, and jeno did find another person that loves him like he deserves, so whether i’ll write another small part or not, this is their future in the sour universe. i would’ve loved to expend the sour universe and make an entire spin-off on jeno for sure, and maybe even on renjun but that’s just too much work.

i’m also happy you understood the characters development because some comments drove me insane and made me doubt everything. i simply thing this ending was a clear cut, you either liked jeno or haechan and it’s obviously if she didn’t end up with who you were rooting for, you would’ve ended up disappointed. but to me this story was so much more than #teamjeno or #teamhaechan so i’m happy with my characters anyway (even tho sour!haechan you will never be like hits different!haechan)

But that should be it. I'm just writing this here cuz i feel bad for not getting back to you for that series but also its not only bc i feel bad cuz that sounds like im forcing myself it just i really think i should tell you you did well writing the series and appreciate it that you even took time before posting the last part so you of course put so much in thought how youre going to end it and i feel the need to put closure to our discussion just because it's worth it. It deserve the closure note too and once again im so sorry for coming this late to give feedback of the series.

no don’t feel bad at all, i’m the chilliest person and i just love discussing about my stories but i don’t get mad when it takes more time to reply, i’m a late replier too so i can’t get mad at others.

thank you so much for this ask, it made me really happy and i’m still glad you wanted to also discuss happier. have a nice day too!!! Love you 💗💗💗

[psychoticwillgraham]

long ass fucking emotional post about what it means to make it to my 28th bday under the read more

also making two bday playlists for myself: a funny one and an emotional one celebrating my journey so far. I know, 28 doesn’t seem like an important birthday, but for me? it’s everything. from something who planned to die on its 16th birthday to now, has been a hell of a journey. the vast majority of it has been heartbreaking, but through all the new trauma and old, I’ve become a much different person. i used to be a hermit basically, a high school dropout who wouldn’t talk to anyone irl and even barely online. then, the glee fandom (for all its evils) happened for me and I got to meet an Australian person irl, someone who flew all that way just to meet their weird little klaine mutual, at just 14.

then, I discovered cosplay and conventions, and in that process, the beginnings of my personal identity. I’d already been struggling with severe self harm and the realization that I was some kind of queer (initially a lesbian, then a trans man within the span of less than a year), and cons gave me a place that I could dress however I wanted, act how I wanted, even get lost in acting as the character im cosplaying. I didn’t have to be a girl, I could be a boy (which I did, and used the excuse of cosplay to get my mom to buy me my first binder, but after that she caught on), I could be everything, I could even be nothing. That was my outlet creatively which would eventually lead to my drag career once I turned 21, which was an impossible dream for 16 year old me since I thought I’d never make it to that age.

unfortunately, I met my major and longest abuser (for at least 9 years who continues to be in my life bc I can’t let go) at a con around this age (16). that would set off a 9 year period of sexual abuse, grooming, and rape, that I still struggle to recover from bc it was all I knew until I was 25/26. I’d never had a relationship with a man that wasn’t abusive in some way, and still haven’t. that’s a whole other post for another time when I can handle it better.

but over that period of time, I consumed all drag related media that I could and eventually responded to an open casting call for local drag performers, pretty much anyone who’d ever wanted to do it. most of them had already been part of established local ish drag families, except for me. I literally started from jack fucking shit and I was almost too scared to perform every time I did. I’d been in theatre, but I was always in the chorus and could never get the courage to actually be on stage in any kind of speaking role. but then fast forward to age 21, where I worked the grind for 5 years up the local drag hierarchy, even though I’m still being discounted on account of me being afab and a king, im more of the ‘underdog’ in ppl’s eyes. ppl love me and want more of me, but the current ones on charge just don’t. im still gonna work the grind until I get where I want to be.

but through drag, I found myself. i became an entirely different person. im miles more social than I’ve ever been, im light years more confident, and learning to assert myself. it was like a rebirth for me and I will defend this art form till my death.

i beat alcoholism, the thing that nearly killed me several times, most notably in 2019 when I was so far gone that they didn’t think even activated charcoal would work. thank god it did but if I’d had just one more glass of straight vodka or two more acetaminophen I’d be dead. and if I hadn’t told mom about what I did when I did, I would’ve also been dead. even five minutes later and I would’ve been dead. y’all I was legit about to be coded when they gave me the charcoal, and I did have a near death experience (i hovered above my body and saw the harsh hospital lights above me and they were extra bright, but I wasn’t being forced to go, I didn’t hear God or anything at all, i just hovered there for about 30 seconds and went back to my body) which I’ve suppressed the memory of until now.

I’ve come such a long way from that, and from my horrible childhood, and yes I was thrown off guard from grandma’s death, and I consider everything before that my old life, and everything since a second rebirth, like I have an entirely different life. it’s still haunting me every single day and it does whenever I go past her closed off room, and I still feel her very presence in this house and with me everywhere I go.

things have been immensely difficult, but I’ve survived, and yes I’ve come out a completely different person, and I’ve changed. but we all change through life and I was changed by my grandmother’s love for me and her presence from the very day I was born, and changed by her death. it’s been a change for the better, and she can rest easy knowing that I’ll never forget her or how fiercely she fought for me through my addiction when everyone including my psych team gave up on me and were about to just let me drink myself to death, but not her.

she let me lay on her floor every night and rant and talk about literally anything and everything, would share her saltine crackers and tootsie rolls with me so I’d have at least something to eat even if it was nothing substantial. she insisted that if I drank, I had to drink in her room so she could watch my every move since she was terrified of me dying alone in my room. if I passed out there (which I did most nights in the later stages of my addiction), she would do all she could to make me a bed out of blankets on the floor, even when she couldn’t walk anymore, so that I wouldn’t be sleeping on the hard, nasty carpet.

she gave me a place to just be, and I still think she’s the only reason I’m still alive.

because of grandma’s love, I’m still standing here today, a completely changed person, but at least I’m still alive.

i planned to die at 16, then 18, then 21, then 25, and then at 28. but I’m still here, against all odds, and I’m so grateful that I am.

here’s to the rest of my life, a very long life.

[buggyinsect]

Hey Tumblr, we joke about "haha Twitter sucks" a lot but let's get serious for a second because I feel so fucking defeated right now.

Twitter is removing the ability to block people.

I get harassed almost every day on there anyway as a marginalized person, I've been sent death threats and called slurs, and have only been able to move on knowing that person will never be able to contact me again.

It is physically inhospitable on that site now for marginzalised people and really anyone who isn't a N*zi. Elon rolled back a fuck ton of hate speech protections a while back and there has been a very noticeable increase in N*zis and extremism on that site. I literally only have like 50 followers I am not by any means a notable social media account but I was getting flooded by such people multiple times over the past several months.

I'll copy and paste something I put on Twitter a second ago,

"It's so fucking exhausting living every goddamn second of my life constantly aware that people want me dead and are actively targetting me and that everywhere I go will slowly become more inhospitable to me, that goes for irl and now on the internet, when will it all stop"

This is facism, straight up. Being from the US, I already have to deal with bigoted white men dictating my life and rights through hateful legislation and policies, and now they've wormed their way into dictating my free time on social media, not even allowing me to do so without them also targetting me there. As someone else said, features like blocking and hate speech protections are safety features.

It is becoming more and more apparent that they do not want us, marginalized people, people like me, to be safe. They want to target us, and scare us, and harass us, and doxx us so that the death threats turn into reality.

I've now been made aware that tumblr has also been really shit as of late but the internet is one of the only pockets were isolated minorities can regroup and communicate with each other and I don't want to lose that despite all the powerful people trying to take it away. I'll be on tumblr a lot more. Thanks.

And Happy PJO Trailer day to those who celebrate 🎉💙 Glad there's still some things that give my younger self a bit of joy and hope in this god awful country

[222voyce]

-apology for being inactive- astro observation 🥹

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆5 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

🌸Sagittarius suns are pretty great at music. No lie. and they tend to be the most cultured. (Nikki Minaj) I feel tho any mutable sign can be creative— not saying everyone else can’t be— they are just analytic, dreamy, dramatic, great writers.

🌸Aquarius are the type to do things no one else does— and they are pretty known for it.

🌸Cancer moons/risings talk to themselves. Yea. We do. What about it? Water placements in general tend to talk/mutter to themselves

🌸Lol why do aqua women love aqua men soooo much? Also for what I’ve noticed they love foreign races. lol it’s cute but y’all feral.

🌸Cancer moon/rising/ water dominant considers everyone’s feelings and really don’t want to disappoint. They have a hard time saying no only because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or seem unreliable. It’s okay to say no, just tell them. If they react badly then don’t do anything for them anymore. Please set boundaries!!

🌸Virgo Venus’ like to look at every flaw and will find something to get mad or icked out about. They tend to want their partner to change but they can’t handle it when someone tells them *politely* to stop something. It can be anything. They will scream hypocrisy. They are also hypocrites themselves. Sorry if this was biased. It is.

🌸Scorpio risings… hmm I’ve never really met one? Like they’re rare. My god dad is one .. I think lol. They’re pretty hard to pin down. If I did meet one idk if Id know.

🌸Okay Taurus venus’ have that taste that’s just so— ngh!~~. Candle lit bath? Roses on the bed??! They also aren’t into rushing into things. That will turn them off. Take it slooowwww

🌸Libra mars men— they don’t know man. They are just as bad as libra suns. Cant make up their mind. They will talk to different people and tell everyone the same thing. Huge flirts. But they get anxious easily.

🌸Leo mars— AHHHH sorry. They make my libra ass go crazy, Leo suns too. Omg they— their energy is so🫶🏾🥴🥴🫦🫦 like bro?! WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN SEXY?! I WILL C*M ON THE FLOOR RN!! *cough* sorry.

🌸Virgo risings are smart as fuck. Virgo suns too. My baby cousin is literally 3 and can speak in FULL sentences?! Virgos minds are just so great. Maybe it’s because Virgo is ruled my Mercury.

🌸Pisces suns are neat. They are dreamy and love to imagine things. They get caught up in the idea but they are also very…real? My ex was very analytical and observant. He could tell what I was thinking sometimes.. like it was freaky. Cute people tho. Nice faces. (I won’t ever say this irl but I’m big simps for y’all.)

🌸12h Saturn might have an issue with routine which makes them have a self esteem issue. They also tend to have a hard time keeping up with their mind. It’s truly fight between head an heart. If they don’t have great coping mechanisms, they might resort to drugs and alcohol.

🌸11h North Node is sooo UNDERRATED!! I have this and I barely see anything on it. Like it’s literally our DESTINY to follow our dreams and love how we want!! Like bro?! But we were also outcasts or casted out by friends or families. Bullied often— we are also here to learn that we don’t need validation from anyone else but ourselves!!

🌸4h suns. Let’s all sing kumbya and find inner piece within ourselves. Family is exhausting. And it feels like we do everything for everyone *huggggeee cough* we do. But it’s gunna be okay!! I hope…

🌸heheh being a Scorpio venus is fun but so fucking annoying because yes we’re hot but we don’t want anyone to perceive us and we can barely ask out our crush. We just stare at them from across the room like 👁🫦👁. We wild and ride or dies tho.

Thank you so much for reading!! like I said, sorry for being inactive!! I will have your pac readings up tomorrow!!

[yourplayersaidwhat]

God of traveling derails my whole campaign

Me (DM): What's everyone's passive perception? (One passes) Great. You are awaken to something seeming off. 

Barbarian: Uh, I wake Rogue and warlock and go outside to investigate. 

Me: Great. You all awaken and find a strange man sitting by the fire, which is now lit, eating some of your supplies. The man looks up and smiles. This man is very strange looking, yah know about satyrs? That, but the opposite. Goat like face, horns, weird hoof things that have fingers at the end. Super weird looking dude. 

Rogue: Uh, can we help you sir?

Warlock: You're kind of eating our food.

Me: The guy introduces himself. *Ahem* "HELLO! I'M THE GOD OF TRAVELING USUALLY KNOWN AS GOMAN! I HAVE COME TO BRING YOU GIFTS! YOU THREE HAVE CAUGHT THE GODS ATTENTION AND THEY WISH TO REWARD YOU FOR YOUR GOOD DEEDS! I HAVE ALSO COME TO TELL YOU THAT I WILL DELIVER ALL YOUR MAIL! TO ANYONE IN ANY PLANE AT ANY TIME!" 

Barbarian: That's a lot of energy late at night. Anyway. Can I tell Goman to send a letter to the emperor?

Me: Yah he can do that, what do you have to say to them? (Me knowing that they have never met the emperor so they haven't met HER yet who used to be a hero known for defeating the god of war/chaos named Baha)

Barbarian: Yah, can we tell him to pick better lords because the last lord we met was a paladin to that war god? (Religion in this world is mostly secret so they don't know the name and the Barbarian just used context clues to guess this). 

Me: *Silently stunned* *Silent cursing* *Silent laughter* Are those your exact words? 

Barbarian: Yah. 

Me: Well. Yeah Goman says can do and literally disappears. 

Rogue: And? 

Me: And what? *Me trying to figure out how to fix this* 

Rogue: Anything else happen?

Me: Nope. Quiet night, seems peaceful. 

Warlock: I'm going back to bed. This was just a fever dream where I get a cool magic item.

Me: You all doing that? Great. Next morning you find a human woman sitting in your camp reading a book. She looks up at you. "I received you letter. I thank you for letting me know about Lord Contor. I had no idea he was a follower of Baha." 

Warlock: Who the fuck are you?!?

Barbarian: OH SHIT YOUR THE EMPEROR?!!? *Barbarian has the highest int in our group, irl and in game*

Me: "Yes. I'm Emperor Aila. *Me deciding to say fuck it and just spill the whole plot*  I've been tasked with keeping Baha contained until she can be completely defeated. You letting me know about Lord Contor means that I'm able to continue my task. Next time you are in the captial you will be welcomed as heroes. Come to the castle and I will reward you generously." 

Rogue: WAIT! What happened to the lord? 

Me: "I killed him. I now have to hunt down the other worshipers. My job is never done." She then disappears. 

[whatbigotspost]

I think it's really interesting how many people on my latest Fled Cruz hate post that got notes are saying, some version of "how is this real?" in their comments or tags. I also posted that tweet to my Instagram and TONS of people I know IRL said the same.

But like.......................he really is that bad and it's completely in line w/ his character. He has always been a needlessly cruel person and he's not sorry. It's still up now. He's never pretended to give a shit about anyone not rich, white, fundie, etc. Take him at his word.

In other news, weather wise, I'm doing fine. We've still got a few more evenings of very cold (for Texas) ahead of us, but so far, everyone I've talked to at work and among my friends (who live mostly in Austin but a few Houston/Dallas folks too) is fine, power is holding up, or there's only been very short outages. This particular storm was no return to 2021 THANK GOD. But I know at any time, we might be back there again.

While I'm here, let me just emphasize, in his last senatorial election in 2018, Fled got 4.2M votes (and that's fucking disgusting because it shouldn't even be one BUT please understand) that the current population of Texas is THIRTY MILLION PEOPLE.