#fuck sometimes trans is ugly

[risu5waffles]

Five Years Is Not Hardly Any Time at All

Or, alternatively, five years is forever? One of those.

i wasn't really going to do anything Pride-y this year? Hardly seems much like it, what wiv corpos deciding maybe discretion (tossing queer folx under the bus) were the better part of valor (making all the monies). tumblr going triggerhappy on trans women's blogs is kinda Pride-y, but, like, that seems a bit of an all-year-round tyrefire, so... like, not really special for June?

Mostly, really, it's the multiple genocides on-going (tho', i've seen less and less news from Gaza, and i can only wonder why that might be /sarcasm), and this not-inexorable, we can't allow ourselves to feel like there's no stopping it, but still inexorable-feeling gallop into fascism.

All of that would take the wind out of most anyone's sails. Aside from, i dunno, folx who're really down wiv other people dying for our colonialism? But, fuck those folx. They're probably down wiv cops at Pride, and, again, fuck all of that wiv a bucket of rotten whipped cream.

Still, it has been five years, and this last year has been a whole lot. Like, personal-progress-wise a whole lot in the positive sense (it's also been a whole lot in the not particularly positive sense, a bit of a mixed bag really).

We got the passport sorted. Got our diagnosis, regardless of how i feel about needing it, got set up on hrt (8months on the ooze!). We've largely got the pins in place for the birth cert/name change. i think. Bureaucracy stresses me at the best of times, and bureaucracy at an overseas distance is not the best of times by any stretch.

It's been a busy year, and a pretty good one. It's been weird.

So, you know, i guess i could be persuaded to do something nice for y'all a little as a treat.

And a little bird told me that exploding-hammer-clowncar matt and @staff do so love trans girl's timelines.

This was... '98 or maybe '99? We were out of that apartment by spring '00. Honestly, the most i can say is, holy shit look at the fucking size of that place! 350 bucks a month and literally right off Marquette Campus are you fucking kidding wiv this shite? i loved the hell out of that apartment.

This is easily, hands-down the best picture i have from the before, and maybe the best experience i had. File name says 2006, so there were still a lot of days before waking up. i remember i couldn't get off the ground on my own, for the suspension. Honeybunny came over and she stood in front of me, put her hands under my elbows, and lifted me up, and i would have died for her right then and there if she'd asked me to. i remember how good it felt just hanging, and how sickening it was feeling the weight of myself settle back on my bones when they put me down, and i wept and didn't know why. It was a lot. Honestly, my transition goal is just getting an opportunity to retake this picture, just, not so dreadfully thin.

Now, those, i admit, were cherry-picked pix. They're the ones i feel most positive about pre-transition. But, i'm way more happy wiv the ones i've been taking now.

i don't think i've ever taken a picture where i was so happy. i wasn't even really trying for it, i was just trying to find a good place to set the phone so the angle would be right. It's not even really a "good" picture per se, but... when i looked at it to see if it was what i was going for for a better one, and i was honestly a little shocked? i didn't know i could look so happy wivout, like, mugging for the camera? Even compared to a year ago, that is such a massive change.

<happy squirrel dance>

Oh, right, i did do a video, like the one last year, so... i wasn't really gonna do one, but then i watched I Saw the TV Glow a couple days back, and it fucked me up royally, so here's 20some minutes of unscripted nannering that doesn't even really touch the surface of how i felt about that movie. Dang, but it is just... fuck it was so good, tho'.

Right. i'm done. It's midnight, and i haven't turned into a pumpkin. But i do need to fucking sleep.

[lemongogo]

just thought of stamps treatment of elendira again ..no .. NOO

[erisolkat]

god i hate everyone

[lynxgirlpaws]

i think i probably need to force myself to go out tomorrow so that i have a reason to shower because it's been six days and i feel like shit but also just don't feel up to showering . i think

[secondsonaym]

i think the thing that ticks me off the most is ppl who consistently assume he/him for deckard are most likely basing it on the fact they're the edgy, freaky, etc. twin in comparison to star

however, not that it is ANYONE'S damn business,

[rayvern-sheep]

I think out of spite of all tooth whitening & straightening products im gonna give all my characters yellow and wonky teeth, unless they’re vain assholes where it makes sense for them to shill out all the money for it

[autolenaphilia]

Edit: as hoshi9zoe pointed out, the original version of this post needlessly berated other transfems like Jennifer Coates, for which I do apologize, and I have toned it down in this edited version. The original version survives in reblogs.

Some months ago, I was searching through this transandrobro blog to see if they posted a callout of me, and i found this reblog, which I couldn't really write about for months, because what do I even write. I recently wayback machined it for posterity, and I guess this is my attempt to write a post about it.

It's saint-dyke himself, the coiner of transandrophobia, saying that the infamous (at least for me) article "I am a transwoman. I'm in the closet. I'm not coming out" is what made him coin the fucking word. It's literally bolded and underlined: "Reading this article is what made me coin “transandrophobia”.

The reason I put off writing this post is that reading that article makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. And it is poison, make no mistake, it's internalized transmisogyny brainworms dripping out of the writer's brain and onto the page.

It's a justification for why the author, known by pseudonym Jennifer Coates, doesn't want to transition, despite knowing she is a trans woman. And it's the exact kind of internalized transmisogyny that keeps trans women in repression and not transitioning. "I'm not going to pass, i'm forever going to be an ugly freak who will at best be humored by other women, the closet is uncomfortable but at least it's safe"

It's the same exact bullshit a lot of represssed trans women tell themselves because it's what society tells us about trans women, that we are freakish parodies of women, that we will never pass, and if we don't pass we have failed and are ugly freaks. It's all to scare us into staying in the closet and make others hate and fear us. Transmisogyny permeates our society, and the majority, maybe all transfems will absorb and internalize some of it.

Coates says that it all is just applicable to her, but again so many transfems believe this shit before transitioning and realizing it's a pack of lies. If this bullshit was in any way valid, a lot of trans women shouldn't transition, because before we actually transition many of us believe it word for word. And "it's only true for me" is how we justify it to ourselves. We tend to be way harsher on ourselves than others. This kind of self-hating transfem tends to think: "Other trans women are beautiful graceful goddesses, earthly manifestations of the divine feminine, always destined to be women, while I'm an ugly forever male ogre who just has a fetish."

It's all bullshit, it's poison, it's internalized transmisogyny.

And the rest of the article is bullshit too. It is not some insightful mediation on gender as some people say, it's the author confusing and mixing up actual transmisogyny with an imagined problem of misandry. She does this because she has gone full repression mode, and decided she has no other choice to live as a man, so her dysphoria and experiences of transmisogyny are actually men's problems.

It's a bad article, excusable because as Coatas points out, it's "essentially a diary entry." that was meant to be a way to "vent frustration" and she "did not intend for anyone else to actually read it." It is clearly not the product of a healthy mind.

I hope the author sometime in the past seven years eventually did transition, and that for whatever reason she didn't want to publicly repudiate her own article. Maybe she lost access to the medium account so she can't delete it.

Far worse than the article itself is the response to it. I've seen it passed around as some insightful commentary on gender by the "feminists are too mean to men, misandry is real" crowd. I have argued against this before. And other people have made insightful comments about it.

And learning that saint-dyke claiming that he was inspired to coin the word "transandrophobia" because of this article is the cherry on top of this shitcake of transmisogyny. For my thoughts on "transandrophobia" theory and how transmisogynistic it is, see here.

Of course, Saint-dyke absolutely could be bullshitting here. Claiming that Coates's article is what inspired him to coin the word might be a lie to claim that transandrophobia theory is not transmisogynistic because it came from listening to trans women.

This is why "listen to trans women" doesn't work. Because TME people will always choose a trans woman who confirms their prejudices. Blair White has made an entire career out of this. And Coates article is popular because it says that misandry is real and trans women's issues are partly caused by it, misgendering herself and other trans women.

And it's popular for another reason. Coates has thoroughly internalized transmisogyny, and thus her article presents a trans woman that is exactly as transmisogynistic patriarchal society wants her to be. She is suffering, but ultimately accepts her assigned role. She truly believes that her biological sex dooms her to forever be male. She literally "manages her dysphoria by means other than transition" as conversion therapy advocates want us to do. She never makes an social claim on womanhood by actually transitioning, so she doesn't invade the sacred women's spaces. Yet she performs the role of woman perfectly by serving men, by defending them from supposed feminist misandry. And she fulfils the ritualistic role that the rhetorical figure of "trans women" sometimes serves in progressive spaces, of giving a blessing to TME people's pre-existing views and actions, all while actual flesh-and-blood trans women are destroyed by those same deeply transmisogynistic spaces. This time it's a blessing for the same "misandry is real" soft-MRA bullshit that has infested the online left and created the transandrophobia crowd.

That is why this article and the positive response makes me sick, makes me feel like i'm drinking poison. This is what its fans want trans women to be like. I'm acutely aware this kind of self-denial is exactly what transmisogyny wants from me and tried to indoctrinate me into doing it. And I want none of it. I want to live, I want to be a woman.

[star-dust-shark]

PJO characters as dumb things me and my friends ( bonus one with my parents ) have said part two

Will: what's your type?

Nico: you

Will:

Will: that's sweet but I meant blood type

-

Percy: oh fuck I'm blue now

Percy: but like actually blue

Percy: like a smurf

Percy: being sad's for idiots lmao

-

Leo: everyone hates me lol

Jason: what am I??? like???

-

Nico: and Axl Rose's real name wasn't Axl Rose

Percy: *crying* STOP

-

Will: easiest way to come out to people is tell them that you listen to coldplay

-

Nico: Im gonna fugging krill myself

Annabeth: krill????

Nico: isn't that like a fish or smth

-

Piper: *knocking on Leo's door* WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE

Leo: uh shit uh erm uh

Leo: *moans loudly*

-

Will: *joking* we should makeout

Nico: I really wanna

Will: what

Nico: ...

Nico: did I say that out loud

-

Piper: *sobbing* why are penises so ugly

-

Annabeth: math is weirdly calming to me sometimes ngl

Annabeth: *flips page over to read massive paragraphs of words*

Annabeth: *bursts into tears*

-

Will: I just had to help hatch a baby chick

Will:

Will: I'm waiting for applause it was so gross

-

Will: if you drink the water I'll give you a forehead smooch

Nico: *glances at water, thinking*

Nico: nah you wanna give me one anyway

Will: gods dammit

-

Rachel: *GASP* MY SKETCHBOOK

Rachel: MY BABY

Rachel: *kisses it*

-

Hazel: ugh I want someone to fuck me

Hazel: hahah jk that shit's nasty

-

Piper: yeah I've noticed after watching you for a bit that you smile whenever Nico messages

Will: aww that's so swee-

Will: wait why are you watching me

Piper: *stares into his soul*

-

Nico: I miss you

Nico: *replies an hour later* that was a moment of weakness fuck you

-

Will: what if I say "darling" in a seductive voice

Nico: no

Will: u sure?

Nico: I ahdiamdveip dnsjhbksahcblaiwcbjsd-

-

Will: like at first I wanted to be you but then I realized that there's a diffrence between wanting to "be you" and wanting to "be on you"

-

Percy: I'm depressed

Percy: ...

Percy: WAIT I HAVE COOKIES NVM

-

Will: wtf are hickeys??

Will: I'm an experimental learner btw

-

Leo: omg guys look the guitar strings made my finger darker

Leo: *looks at finger* do you like watermelon, sir?

Will: you are so close to being hit in the head

-

Frank: *points* haha you've been fingered

Hazel:

Hazel: love... no

-

Thalia: OMG IM GONNA BE BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS RYAN GULDEMOND

Reyna: technically you already are

Thalia: *passes out*

-

Octavian: ugh I'm so single

Nico: *sighs* me too

Nico:

Nico: WAIT I CANT SAY THAT ANYMORE

Nico: FUCK YEEEEEEEEAH *smashes table*

-

Annabeth: what's ur favourite animal I'm gonna buy you something

Percy: shark but don't waste your money

Annabeth: but my parents told me to spend it on something important

Percy:

Percy: *cries*

-

Will: I'm autism!!

Will: *turns to Nico, wiggle eyebrows* I could be in you

Nico: tism rizz????

-

Frank: I love these drama videos

Reyna: *massive bags under her eyes* why do you want more drama wtf

-

Jason: honestly scared to sit on the edges of chairs at my trans boyfriend's house

-

Percy: *over text* jason are you gay for me

Jason:

Jason:

Jason:

Jason: no gtg

Percy: he's hiding something

-

Piper: don't mean to be heterophobic but why is straight porn so gross

Nico: agreed gay porn is much better

Piper: IM SORRY WHAT

-

Percy: are there any not cool lesbians

Reyna: I mean they probably exsist

Annabeth: no

-

Leo: *sighs sadly* cock and ball torture

-

Will: guys I learnt how to play my favourite song on guitar *starts playing good lookin by dixon dallas*

-

Leo: *playing adopt me*

Leo: chat chat guess what I'm on acid

Percy: KARMA'S A BITCH

Percy: I SHOULDA KNOWN BETTER

Leo: wait since when do you play adopt me

Percy:

-

Reyna: yk those yummy smelling shampoos

Nico: yea

Reyna: well I went to walmart and thought I found some and started smelling it but this lady was giving me weird looks

Nico: oh?

Reyna: yeah

Reyna: so uh

Reyna: it was lube

-

Will: hey bbg *winks*

Nico: I will slam you down and makeout with you right now

-

Percy: hi

Jason: hi

*leaves swirl around them*

-

Leo: don't mind me just massaging my clit

-

Leo: NICO GET UR GYAT OVER HERE

Nico: WHAT????

Leo: *points* HOMOSEXUAL TENDANCIES

Nico: WHAT DID U SAY

Leo: HOMOSEXUAL TENDANCIES

Nico: OH

Nico: I HEARD SEXUAL TENDANCIES

-

Leo: *singing* coked up dick sucking hoe?

Jason: *walks in*

Jason:

Leo: oh haiiii

-

Leo: how does it feel to be Draco Malfoy

Jason: idk how does it feel to be tweek

Leo: idk pretty good

-

Reyna: you don't deserve it

Percy: yeah I do

Percy: I've been a good boy

Percy:

Percy: jesus I just turned myself on wtf

-

Leo: *in sad voice* I'm a cheeseburger

Jason: a sexy little cheeseburger

-

Will: *gets text from Nico*

Annabeth: SIMP

Will: ???

Annabeth: YOU SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPP *has siezure*

-

Will: darling

Nico: *throws phone, screams into pillow, face red* I hate that man

anyway part three will cum ( pun intended )

thanks to @crowwolf8 @justagremlinoncaffeine @localcosplaymushroom @secret-mewtwo and my om and dad for being inspiring an shit

[euniexenoblade]

i know it's been said before, but the recent trend of tme people saying "afab people can be transfem/trans women" really does kinda show that they see those words as aesthetics. It shows that they want words meant to describe the transfem experience to be theirs, regardless what they mean. They see trans woman as "ugly masculine looking freak with long hair that gets called a tranny" and don't seem to see how that's so incredibly fucked up. Gender is fucked and sometimes shit is weird but the consistency in defending horrificly terrible people clearly doing something bad, ie. the cis woman who lied about being a trans woman on discord and literally gave harmful advice to trans women who believed it thinking she was a trans woman whod done this stuff before, really just shows that it's not about respecting the real niche with gender, it's specifically about hurting trans women.

[direquail]

You know the point of "protecting the children" dogwhistles, right? It's a reference to the idea that all queer people are child abusers. Super common belief among homophobes and transphobes, including (sometimes especially) gay ones.

It's also not just "a dogwhistle". When pressed to explain what exactly they want to protect children from, it's a ready-made emotional appeal to something that has broad social support. Most people, even if they don't like being around kids, are also not pro-child abuse. That's why conservatives go out of their way to invent (even if it's completely fictional) "reasons" why acceptance of gay and trans people amounts to child abuse. It helps them create an emotional connection with their target audience, and can be leveraged into logically ridiculous arguments like "well, if you don't agree with my platform, you must be pro child abuse, because I'm on the side of The Children".

"Protecting the children" is also super appealing to parents in particular, not because all parents are secretly authoritarians, but because it's super common to have a child and realize "Oh shit, I brought this person who can't defend themselves into the world and the world kind of sucks", and to feel horribly, horribly inadequate in the face of that.

I get very tired of people who mock, scorn, and ridicule people for falling for these rhetorical traps, or being snared by something that seems common-sense but disguises something ugly underneath. They are traps. That is what they're meant to be. That is why there are gay people who fall for anti-queer rhetoric, and get pulled into exclusionist or violently reactionary circles. We all have things we are vulnerable to, whether that is a history of being abused or a deep fear that we cannot protect our own children, who we brought into the world and are responsible for the protection of. And we gain nothing by mocking the latter.

I'm sure it makes some people feel great to say "well if you were really who you claim to be, you wouldn't fall for this shit", but frankly, that's a stupid-ass take. It misses entirely that these messages are carefully crafted by the people who hate us! They workshop these statements! They spend months or years trying to find the right message and when they find it they use the hell out of it, because it works. Because they are listening to the public conversations people are having online, and it doesn't take any level of basic agreement to be capable of regurgitating the party line word-for-word.

I am so sick of people who look at a deeply-embedded struggle over social and political ideals and think that this fight won't demand our whole brains and hearts and souls and yeah, we might fuck up because we care deeply and sometimes, people with bad intentions prey on that. On our grief and our fear and our rage.

And I'm frankly a lot more nervous around people who refuse to be aware of that, especially when they loudly mock the people who are willing to acknowledge their own fallibility and explore how they got ensnared in something. People are not moral machines, they are people.

[trans-androgyne]

but what is WRONG about the statement “men and masculinity are privileged above women and femininity, so transmascs must be privileged above transfems”? that is sound logic, and it’s not disconnected from reality, because reality supports the idea that men and masculinity are privileged above women and femininity. even among trans people. that statement means “there is a particular scrutiny and struggle that women face that men do not”, not “men and masculine people aren’t ever oppressed and trans men don’t experience transphobia”. you seem to think that the issue is that not enough transfems/people are listening to what transmascs are saying about their own experiences, but when it comes to transfems talking about how their experiences with oppression are more severe, it’s perfectly ok for you to not listen to them?

Incorrect. The reality is that isn’t true for everyone, which is what we’ve been trying to demonstrate over and over. “Men and masculinity are privileged” when it’s cis men. Masculinity and identification with manhood is not encouraged above femininity for women or people believed to be women. Femininity for me would be gender conformity. Masculinity makes me transgender. And we are kicked in the teeth for it constantly, by both cis people and our own queer/trans community. All the worst stereotypes of both men and women are applied to us, as is true for trans women. If that supposedly common sense logic copy + pasted from narrow cisfeminist understandings were to be taken literally, transmascs would be privileged over cis women too gender-wise because masculinity is privileged over femininity, and we just Happen to experience transphobia with zero gendered oppression.

I am listening. I have been listening and agreeing and supporting for years and years and years. But other people speaking up made me realize my problems mattered too even if they didn’t fit into the narrative. And now this is my response. Now I want to be heard. I am telling you that my masculinity—my queer, my trans masculinity—is not fucking privileged above shit. I was nearly kicked out over it; I have been made to feel like I am ugly, worthless, and an inherently worse person for it; I am excluded from spaces I need resources from for it; I feel invisible in my community for it. Queer/trans masculinity gets you fucking harassed and assaulted — ask butches! Ask transmascs who don’t pass! Or the stealth ones who suddenly fail to, a nightmare situation for many of us. Look at the numbers for me — trans men and transmasc non-binary people have the highest rates of sexual assault of any gender category. It can and does happen to many due to being transmasc (including someone I know personally) even sometimes taking the route of corrective rape with the intention of “detransitioning” them. I feel less safe since I’ve started transitioning, not more. Before, I wondered if I was being stared at since I was pretty and had long hair. I would get catcalled. It felt gross. Now I wonder if I’m being stared at because I’m visibly queer. I still get catcalled. I feel less gross and more afraid.

We also experience things transfems and cis women don’t! “There is a particular scrutiny and struggle that trans men and mascs face that other people (typically) do not” that’s precisely what I have been trying to convey. And that’s exactly what our tag is full of. The belief that our oppression is “less severe” is mistaken, you just haven’t heard our voices enough. It is the result of our historical and compounding invisibility. We are speaking up and begging you to listen.

[evesaintyves]

one of the most confusing aspects of the "make harry potter characters straight again" discourse that's been circulating for the past few months is the assertion that the only reason people headcanon Tonks as queer is the fact that she's introduced with short hair and that's a lesbian stereotype. i mean, i think that's self-evidently silly and an incredibly shallow reading of her character, but i've elaborated on some personal and canonical reasons that i write tonks that way here and here; @saintsenara summarizes this discourse beautifully here as well. i've seen a number of deeply queerphobic takes on this, including entire metas that insinuate that it would be a disgusting self-betrayal for tonks to use her shapeshifting abilities to, for example, change her sex; imagine how trans people in your readership might feel about that.

but beyond that, the logical extension of this argument is that queer people recognizing and making a space for themselves in fiction is discriminatory somehow - insisting that everyone is canonically heterosexual because of their endgame relationship, however, occupies some kind of moral high ground. i understand that much of this is a reaction to wolfstar and jegulus and how silly, annoying and sometimes actively hostile, fetishistic, and misogynistic those fandoms can be - tons of legitimate criticisms here! - but i think we should acknowledge that canon-compliant fic is also absolutely rotten with misogyny, poor characterization, etc. further, there's a sinister through-line in this discourse that people who just want to see characters be straight and make babies are being persecuted by having to countenance queer readings at all - i've literally seen the word 'heterophobia' bandied about - and it's hard not to notice the parallels with some of the real-life backlash against increased queer visibility, which has actual, life-altering consequences for some of us irl. like, some of these posts are just fandom-specific jordan petersen tweets - the woke mob won't let you be straight and have babies anymore!! especially ridiculous to someone living in a place where a miscarriage is a potential criminal offense and federal courts have had to intervene to prevent drag performers and trans people from ending up on the sex-offender registry.

it's been really disappointing to see the vicious enthusiasm with which the remadora fandom has embraced these posts, and it's incredibly alienating as a queer author and reader who just wants to scroll my fucking feed without ten different reblogs of bad-faith arguments that queer imaginings of hp characters are not just personally irritating to you but are somehow destroying canon, fandom, and the very fabric of society (won't somebody think of the endangered institution of heterosexual male friendship?!); you may not mean to direct this kind of thing at your queer readership, but you are, we see it, and it's unmistakeable that there are a lot of ugly unexamined ideas about us behind all those fuck-jkr bios.

[official-megumin]

I have seen a lot of people talking about transmisogyny in the shrek franchise

They're usually bringing up Pinnochio cross dressing and the big bad wolf being called gender confused, as well as the ugly step sister having a deep voice.

And I think there is a lesson in nuance and context for these situations.

So. I am not saying that there wasn't transphobia in shrek 2

Pinnochio was the brunt of a joke about wearing women's underwear. This is transphobic.

But when the literal antagonist calls the big bad wolf gender confused(or a tranny in the musical) It's supposed to reinforce that she is evil. You're not supposed to agree with her thinking less of the wolf for it.

You're supposed to side with the big bad wolf in letting him dress however he pleases.

There is also the ugly step sister. Whom yes, starts ofg as a transmisogynistic joke. But she joins Fionna's circle of princesses as an equal. This means there is change in how the franchise views trans people.

All of this context is important when judging if a movie is bigoted. You can't just blindly label something as evil because it used a slur in any context. Because sometimes a slur is used to criticise bigots.

Case and point, the youtuber caddicarus was accused of transphobia(despite doing enough for trans people to be marked green on shinigami eyes) because he made fun of transphobes and their shitty sense of humor by saying "haha trannies ammirite /s"

Please actually fucking listen/read what is being said before you unleash your kneejerk reaction onto the world.

[bougiebutchbitch]

listen I just think [nsft under cut]

trans croc should fuck buggy using his own cock as a strap, all while forcing him to call himself croc's naughty little girl <3

buggy should warm croc's dick while he's doing paperwork because that's all he's good for, and croc pretends to be getting annoyed that he's so squirmy and hungry for stimulation but he's actually getting off on it

mihawk's first time with buggy should be fraught with mihawk asking himself (and buggy) 'what did shanks see in you?', and buggy returning the favour. it was bittersweet and a bit brutal. mihawk actually felt a bit bad after.

mihawk should be in an established relationship with croc that's built on mutual respect, if not love, and appreciation of each other's skill & rep <3 they're steady, mature, and sensible about it. they have a genuine, deep connection that they never expected to find in each other, but now it's there, it would take a lot to break.

he and croc are very relaxed and kinda gentle and versatile and switchy with each other? But then they both see buggy and internally say 'I want to obliterate him'

It takes quite a while for mihawk and croc to admit this to each other though. When they finally do, it's a big relief - they just... shake hands, exchange a nod, and get to work

To start with, they really don't give a shit about buggy at all, they just wanna fuck him. but he's... kinda adorably flustered and fun and responsive and... hm. He's a worthless little worm. But when they tell him that, he tearfully agrees and gets hard? Cute.

mihawk is suuuuper quiet but buggy and croc both find any vocalisation they get him to make a HUGE turn-on

mihawk has cold-dom'd buggy to tears

croc has rough-dom'd buggy to tears

both of them have death-threat'd him to begging and tears mid-sex, but he never safewords because he's soooo stupidly horny about the danger and degradation

buggy just ugly-cries a lot okay

mihawk is surprisingly good at aftercare, even if he approaches it in a very regimented, methodical autistic af way. He's the most invested in the future of the Cross Guild, and somewhere deep within that mysterious brain he's planned their throuple marriage. Even though he still despises buggy and croc alike on some days.

croc is kinda standoffish and leery about showing affection at first (to anything but his bananawani). With mihawk it wasn't a big deal - but buggy is absolutely, 5000% a snuggler. Not to mention a terribly rough, mobile sleeper. And though he always bitches, croc can't imagine waking up without a foot wedged under his chin or a disembodied arm hooked over his knee. He doesn't know when he got used to having these two idiots as semi-permanant fixtures in his life, but he's kinda pissed that he doesn't want them gone.

buggy is still 90% terrified, 10% horny, but that's better than 99% terrified, right? He still thinks of himself as an intruder - a business-only investment who's only alive because he's a useful scapegoat + fucktoy. Of course they don't actually like or respect him. Who would? He's out for himself, like he always has been. Ready to split if the water gets too hot or a better opportunity comes along.

...but his followers love him.......and the sex is good (even if it inevitably leaves him a shaking, whimpering wreck).........and he might actually have a chance at snatching the One Piece if he has two awesome powerhouses in his pocket.................... and.... and look, the sex is really good, okay?

........and maybe he likes how mihawk is quietly thoughtful, showing care through little actions rather than words (fixing little things Buggy's complained about, always somehow knowing which part of his back to rub)

...............and how croc only cares about money and power, but still sometimes gets this strange, soft look in his eyes when it's a quiet evening and the three of them are sitting together sharing space, but all doing their own thing. he always looks oddly scared about it, like he doesn't quite know what to do with whatever he's feeling, and buggy has this stupid urge to cuddle up beside him and rest his cheek on his big shoulder and just share his warmth

but he doesn't because he doesn't want to get punched into next week

.........until one night he does and croc just looks down at him with those unfathomable eyes and smiles

and across the room, mihawk's deep in his book, feet curled up under him in the chair, but he's smiling too

and now Buggy's the one getting all choked up, though he doesn't know why

This is all to say that Buggy is the last one to catch feels. One day he busts into The Meeting Room (sex dungeon) in the middle of an actual meeting and shrieks 'ARE WE DATING????' to which croc and mihawk blankly stare and reply buggy. buggy we have been in a dedicated polyamorous relationship for five years

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

hey, yall like t4t lesbian steddie? how about transfem eddie beefing coming out to her girlfriend Real Hard?

also on ao3 here

--------------------------------------------------------------

Eddie has never been able to control her mouth. Honestly sometimes she wonders if she has some kind of medical condition that makes her incapable of saying normal things at the appropriate time. 

And this is a real problem when trying to figure out how to tell her girlfriend that she might kinda wanna be a girl too maybe. Because instead of sitting the love of her life down and calmly explaining that she’s been doing some thinking and might want to experiment with her gender more, Eddie just holds it all in until she projectile vomits the information at the worst possible time.

They’re snuggled in bed, hazy in post-coital bliss, Stevie burying her face in Eddie’s neck and nuzzling in with her nose like a kitten looking for milk. It’s adorable. Eddie half expects her to start making biscuits on her stomach.

And so when Stevie sighs contentedly, hums a little, “My boy,” with so much love in her voice Eddie kind of wants to cry, she’s not ready for the wave of wrongness that crashes over her, smashing the cozy, contented vibe in the room like it’s an actual tidal wave ripping the trailer to shreds.

So she does what she always does. Fucks it up.

“No I’m not,” she says, voice choked with panic.

Stevie stiffens against her. “What?” she asks.

“I’m not your boy,” Eddie says. “It’s not- I-”

Stevie draws away from her, and Eddie already misses the warmth. She keeps her eyes screwed shut, doesn’t want to see Stevie’s reaction to the information that her boyfriend is actually her girlfriend. And yeah, the logical part of her brain knows that it absolutely is not an issue. Stevie’s a lot of things (beautiful, wonderful, perfect, a teensy bit of a bitch but just enough to keep things interesting-), but she’s not a hypocrite, so the trans thing is obviously fine. And Stevie was well known for making her way through most of the female population of Hawkins High before she came out, so the girl thing is also obviously a non-issue.

But. That mean little voice in the back of Eddie’s head. The one that listened carefully to every bad thing anyone ever said about her- freak, monster, trash- and quietly stored them away just to take them out again when she’s alone at night. That voice is real loud right now. 

It tells her she’s imagining things, that she’s just looking for another way to be different. That Stevie will just think she’s trying to copy her, and worse than that, she’s copying her badly. It whispers that sure, Stevie liked her as a guy, thought she was attractive then, but she’s probably going to be so ugly as a girl that any attraction Stevie’s managed to muster for her weird lanky man-body is gonna just shrivel up and die. And she doesn’t even really like girly things, which she knows because she dressed up as Frank N Furter that one time they all went to see Rocky Horror, and the makeup had felt gross on her skin and the corset had been too tight and the heels had hurt- and if she’s not gonna commit to femininity what’s even the point of trying to tell people she’s a girl?

Eddie is so lost in her own head that it takes her a second to realise that Stevie has gotten out of bed. Eddie sits up, watching in confusion as her girlfriend flits around the room in search of her clothes. 

“Stevie?” Eddie asks, her voice small. “Wh- what are you doing?”

Stevie sighs, shakes her head a little. “What does it look like I’m doing, Eddie?” Her voice sounds watery, and she won’t look Eddie in the eyes, using her voluminous hair as a shield as she pulls up her jeans with shaking hands.

Eddie’s heart breaks. She doesn’t think she ever expected this, that Stevie would just leave, even on her darkest nights alone. “But- why?”

Stevie finally looks at her then, her face incredulous even as it’s streaked with tears. “Why? Why would I stay, Eddie, if this- what, was it just- just bullshit?” she says, getting more heated as she speaks, hands flying in that way Eddie usually loves because it means her girl is really getting riled up. Now it feels terrible to see, like the final nail in Eddie’s coffin. 

“I can’t believe- fuck- this is the second time I thought- I mean it’s gotta be me at this point, right? Like, fool me once-” Stevie cuts herself off with a sob, before scrubbing her face furiously and looking around the room. “Where the fuck is my jacket???”

“I don’t- what do you mean, second time-”

Stevie scoffs. “I mean, sure, you didn’t actually say the word ‘bullshit’ but that’s- you see how it’s the same right? Like, even if you didn’t- if you didn’t want me anymore, how could you-? You knew about Nancy, Eddie, and you still just-” She scrubs her face again and heads to the door. “You know what, fuck my jacket.”

And Eddie is not the smartest. Her three senior years can attest to this. But she can tell she’s missing something here, because what the hell does Nancy have to do with anything? So Eddie goes over the last couple of minutes, everything Stevie said, everything she said, and- oh. Fuck.

“I forgot the second part of that sentence.” 

She literally cannot believe how stupid she is. Stevie’s already out the bedroom door, and Eddie prays to every god who’s never believed in her that she hasn’t left the trailer entirely, because fuck knows if she has Eddie will probably never see her again. At least not for several months, and even then, only with Robin standing off to the side trying to kill her with her mind.

“Stevie!” She calls, running through the trailer at a speed she frankly didn’t think herself capable of. “Stevie, please wait! I didn’t mean to- I forgot the rest of the sentence!”

Stevie stops at the door of the trailer, turns around with an eyebrow raised in the kind of ‘I’m waiting, make it good’ expression she uses whenever the kids try to explain why they were acting like little shits this time. It’s ruined a bit, by the tears still streaming down her face and the tremble in her disapproving frown, but she’s trying. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I was trying to say- I didn’t even realise how it sounded- I love you so much and I’m sorry I made you doubt that for even a second,” Eddie pleads, her own tears running down her face.

Something in Stevie’s posture seems to soften a little, but her hand stays on the doorknob. “What- what else would you be trying to say there, Eddie?”

“I-” Eddie can’t look at her, so she looks at her own feet. “I’m not your boy, I’m your- I don’t really know. Girl? Something? Uh. If you still want me to be.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Eddie doesn’t look away from her feet.

But then, strong, warm arms wrap around her. A hand gently pushes her head into a neck. A pair of lips press into the top of her head.

“Oh E- baby,” Stevie says, softly. “I love you so much, no matter what. Of course you can be my girl, if you want.”

Eddie nods into Stevie’s neck, holding her so tight she’d be a little worried about hurting her if she wasn’t well aware Stevie was way stronger than she’d ever be. “Yes please,” she says, voice small.

Stevie presses another kiss to the top of Eddie’s head, pulls back to hold her face gently in her hands. “Love you so much, baby. And it’s with love that I have to ask- what the hell is wrong with you.” Eddie snorts, and Stevie smiles like that’s what she was aiming for. “That was the worst coming-out I’ve ever seen. And I’m including the way I came out to Dustin.”

Eddie fully laughs then, and Stevie smiles too. That really had been awful. Dustin had found Stevie’s collection of feminine clothes and underwear and had taken it upon himself to lecture her on how weird it was to keep ‘souvenirs’, until eventually Stevie had been so mortified by the picture he was painting that she had to come out just to get him to shut up. He’d since made up for it by being her staunchest defender (Eddie and Robin notwithstanding), but the whole thing was still painful enough that whenever he was being annoying Stevie could now get him to shut up with just a particularly pointed look.

“I know, it was- I got all up in my head,” Eddie says. She places her hand over Stevie’s, gently turns her head to place an apologetic kiss on her wrist, right against her pulse point. “I really am sorry. I love you.”

“I know. Now, at least. Although I hope you realise I’m gonna be using this against you for like, the rest of our lives. Good luck trying to get me to turn off the ABBA, considering you very briefly broke my heart.”

Eddie groans, just like Stevie wanted her too, but honestly ‘the rest of our lives’ sounds pretty good to her.

[manwrre]

This is my contribution to the harringrove relay race!

Title: 💫 heaven at your fingertips 💫

Rating: explicit content

Word Count: 3,055

Tags include: trans male character billy, alternate universe - college/university, domestic boyfriends and afab language while describing genitalia.

•

Despite what anyone with working eyes and a brain might think, Steve doesn’t actually hate his job.

It’s not out of the ordinary for him to entertain the thought— everyday at a campus coffee shop is rough— but he doesn’t dislike it. His hours are pretty flexible and his coworkers are all great. There’s an endless amount of staff drinks allowed on a single shift and Steve’s allowed to bring home as many leftover doughnuts as he wants. His boss and the owner of Bean’d, Todd, isn’t really around to micromanage them but whenever he does pop in, Steve feels lucky enough to be there despite the minimum wage paycheck.

So hate it, he does not.

Not even on the worst days when he’s spread thin and exhausted. Not even on a brutal day like today. The shittiest day that he’s had in a while, he thinks, stepping out of the rundown elevator and unto his floor. The fact that he’s practically home doesn’t even seem to help. If anything, the distance between the elevator and his front door seems longer than usual as he walks. His shoulders are heavyset with eight hours of tension and his feet ache so deeply that the dusty, burgundy of the hallway’s carpets look comfortable. Perfect for a seat. Or a nap.

He doubts his neighbors would mind if he just settled there for the night. Mr Stewart might pretend to be pissed but Mrs Maulkin, who lives next door, is just about the sweetest, little lady. She pinches his cheeks and always goes on and on about him getting more sleep. Once, she’d even watered their plants when he and Billy visited the kids back in Hawkins on break so yeah, she’s pretty neat.

Ideally, she would probably prefer if he didn’t get said rest on her welcome mat but he wasn’t going to be picky. His shift had just about driven all of the pickiness out of him. Whacked it out of him with a broom sometime between the morning rush and the midday rush or maybe, it was between the evening rush and clean up? Point is, it’s been beaten out of him.

Above his head, the yellow bulbs blink almost lazily and he reaches for his keys. He swings the lanyard around his finger almost idly and eyes the peeling, black paint of the apartment numbers.

505……506…….507…….508……509…….Ah.

He unlocks the door, shuffles inside with a sigh and for a second, just stands there. The scent of home surrounds him immediately and some of the day’s weight falls at his feet as he flicks the lights on in the small walkway. He hangs his backpack unto the hook shaped like a little guitar that Billy seems to like so much. Grabs the brown, greasy bag of donuts that Billy also seems to like so much and toes his shoes off.

“Bee, I’m home!” He nudges the pair of kicks out of sight with socked toes and blindly tosses his keys into the nearby bowl. Catches a whiff of himself. Pauses. Almost keels over. All in that order.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he gags aloud.

Beneath the cloying scent of artificial syrups, powdered sugar and dozens of iced matchas with oat milk and brown sugar foam, is the usual sweat and grime of a long day. He doesn’t have to look in the mirror either, to know that his hair is all flat and ugly beneath his cap. too.

He needs a shower and a nap and some food and really, just his fucking boyfriend. Again, all in that order but it’s been a long week of barely seeing each other with finals and the usual shifts so he knows that he’s only gonna cover number five on that list before passing out.

“Billy?” he calls again, flipping the main lights on.

The action casts a soft glow across their little, one bedroom apartment.

Fully furnished and equipped with a couple of leaky faucets and chipped wallpaper but theirstheirstheirs. A year ago, she was all they could afford on their meager savings in California but now, she’s home. Steve studies his social work on the bedroom floor and Billy stocks their shelves with books about anatomy. They cook dinner together on most nights in their dingy, little kitchen, watch trashy horror in the living room and spend every night wrapped around each other.

“I brought donuts again. We were outta the pistachio ones so I got glazed and no, Sam didn’t make them this time.”

He pads across the living room, not a trace of his boyfriend in sight and dumps the paper bag on the counter. He’s convinced that Billy might be asleep— it’s been a long week of exams and Steve cracks the door to their bedroom open, fully expecting the room to be shrouded in darkness,

only to pause.

To take it all in.

Because oh.

Steve can’t help it— he’s drawn to the sight of too naked legs and too smooth thighs. Can’t focus on anything but the way that Billy’s hand disappears between them. Can’t wrap his mind around anything other than the fact that Billy is very much awake and very much touching himself in front of him. In the flesh.

There’s a lot to take in.

Billy’s naked from the waist down and facing the doorway; his legs spread to reveal the pink of his pussy as he thumbs across his clit. Steve’s gaze lifts then, up his bare, little waist and to the thinning material of Billy’s tee shirt, which is the only piece of clothing he’s wearing. He zones in on where the worn, blue material fits snugly across his boyfriends chest,

swallows,

and then meets the amused blues of Billy’s eyes.

Billy, who doesn’t dare hide the heat in them or the intent behind his smirk.

“Hi, Stevie.” he purrs, predatory. Like a shark that’s just smelled blood. “Crazy day?”

The lowness of his voice sends a jolt of heat down Steve’s abdomen; one that settles at the base of his cock all hot and heavy. And in response, Steve’s shoulders drop, his body relaxes and the day’s toll leaks out of him. Sludging. Lethargic.

God, he’s easy.

“Uh huh,” he mutters, unintelligibly, at first. Then, snaps out of it enough to flash Billy a smile.

“Funnily enough, I actually think it’s about to get crazier.” He shuts the door behind him and steps closer. His gaze only stray for a matter of seconds to catalog everything about Billy in this moment. The navy blue of their sheets beneath the blonde. The handful of books on their bedside table. Billy’s hair all tied up into a loose bun. His pebbling nipples. His wet, hot cunt and the fact that he hasn’t stopped touching himself.

“Yeah? I wonder why.” the blonde drawls, quirking a brow.

“Dunno, think I’m about to get laid or something.” He’s teasing and Steve loves it.

“Or something,” Billy mocks, rolling his eyes but Steve’s words have him biting his lip.

He’s trying to come off as unaffected but Steve knows he’s anything but. The soft curls sticking to Billy’s forehead, damp with sweat and all, let him know that this has been an ongoing endeavor. God knows how long Billy’s been pleasuring himself— dripping like this; his cheeks flushed a pretty scarlet, eyes dark and lips an almost mottled red. Bitten plump. Half-parted in pleasure for a beat too long whenever he speaks.

Steve doesn’t have to pretend. He doesn’t want to hide the urgency that he feels or the effect that Billy has on him, so he tugs his shirt up over his head before tossing it aside.

He crosses the distance between them in no time and crawls into the alcove between Billy’s thighs oh so easily. Steve thinks, yes and finally and this is exactly where he belongs when he’s got Billy under him. He thinks holy shit, you’re lovely when his boyfriend stares up at him with wide, dark eyes and pulls him closer by the loops of his belt. Simultaneously, Steve lifts one of Billy’s golden thighs upupup around his waist and lessens the oxygen between them with a kiss so hot that the air around them feels supercharged.

He loses himself in the soft give of Billy’s lips and nips at his cupid’s bow with an impatient noise. Beneath him, Billy opens up like a black hole; this consuming, taking thing and Steve licks into his mouth all too eagerly. The blonde’s answering moan is breathy and high and Steve laps at every slick crook with his tongue—to taste, to feel, to map out and to claim. Beneath him, Billy’s hips jerk to life just as Steve becomes breathless with desire and blindly, he seeks purchase in the rough material of Steve’s jeans. The soppy, wet heat of his cunt seeps through to Steve’s skin as Billy rides his thigh.

“Stevie— please, I need you to fuck me.” Billy gasps into his mouth.

Steve takes advantage of this and busies himself by stamping kisses across the curve of Billy’s jaw and throat and neck. He sucks pretty, purpling bruises into the golden skin there and ruts down against his pliant, waiting body. A taste so distinctly Billy explodes on his tongue; clean and citrusy and tangy and Steve loves it.

Steve groans deeply, “Yea, sweetheart? You missed me?”

“You try being celibate in an apartment with your hot ass– ah, boyfriend for two weeks. A perfectly timed breeze could’ve had to creaming my fucking pants at the quad today,” Billy hisses and Steve can’t help it, he laughs.

“A breeze, baby? Don’t tell me you’re losing your touch,” the amusement is palpable in his voice. He knows that Billy must sense it, even with his eyes closed because then, they aren’t. They aren’t and Steve is forced to meet those dark, dark eyes and trace the expanse of Billy’s flush from his cheeks, all the way down his chest. And without another word, he’s undoing his belt; his fly coming undone and everything. He shucks off his jeans and underwear in one swoop and wounds a hand around his chubbing cock.

It’s hot and thick in his too dry palm but the contact sends a surge of crackling heat up his spine.

He sees Billy’s attention shift. Feels his cock throb as he does that thing; the one where he tongues at his lower lip and his gaze flits between Steve’s and his cock almost thoughtfully. And his mouth is suddenly dry as he follows the subtle quivers of Billy’s stomach. Watches it dip and swell and hears his intake of breath because all the while, the blonde’s hips never exactly cease. They just slow into deep, core aching figure eights until he can’t take it and he’s reaching between their bodies for Steve’s cock.

Billy’s touch is warm but callous-rough and feels like heaven around him. In thanks, Steve winds his fingers into the blonde’s curls to steady himself, while Billy uses the precum at the head of his cock to jerk him off hard and fast. The pace has him fucking into the tight ring of fingers with a choked off moan, “Fuck– oh.”

Billy’s smug. He knows this because the demanding slide of his fist slows and well, he says as much. “Don’t act like you’re not gonna bust a nut the minute I get my mouth on you. That’s gonna make it even more embarrassing,”

“Brat.” Steve spits but he’s smiling and scooting up so that his thighs bracket Billy’s head.

“Pushover.” Billy laughs, genuinely pleased and swallows Steve’s cock into his mouth with a wet noise.

The sudden too hot, too wet of it punches an aggressive exhale out through his nose,“Holy shit, fuck” and he grabs unto the headboard while Billy makes easy work of him.

Billy sucks the head into his mouth with a practiced ease that makes Steve weak in the knees and melts all of the fight right out of him. It’s all familiar but Steve will never get used to this. Will never fail to be amazed at how well Billy takes him; unyielding as he tongues at the sensitive underside of Steve’s cock and groans around him in a way that liquifies his fucking mind. It takes everything in him not to shout when Billy hollows his cheeks and instead, his grip grows tighter in the mess of blonde curls until he’s sure it hurts.

“You’re so fucking good at this, baby. So pretty,” He cradles Billy’s cheek, only to be rewarded by a hint of teeth across the thick vein that Steve favors, near the crown.

Billy moans around the cock in his mouth and Steve’s brain collapses in on itself like a dying star. When he speaks, his voice is a low, warbled thing, “Waited all day just to suck me off, I bet. Just to put that mouth to use, huh, sweetheart?” And then, Billy pulls away to slap the leaking, ruddied head against his tongue for Steve to see. He lets it sit there. Lets the precum pool sluggishly on the pink of it and stares up at him in a way that makes Steve feel like coming home. God, he’s so close.

“C’mon, baby. I wanna cum but I’m gonna do it inside of you,” Steve grabs at his jaw affectionately before shifting sideways and falling onto his back invitingly. It takes everything in him to stay there.

He swats at the curve of Billy’s ass as he moves and swings a leg over to bracket Steve’s hips, ignoring his grumbled complaint of ‘being too lazy’. The next part comes easily, however. Billy doesn’t waste any time before he’s sinking down on his cock in a swift, decisive motion; his pussy opening up around Steve with the tiniest bit of give.

And then everything clicks into place.

Billy’s cunt is slick and he makes the prettiest sight on top of him but Steve doesn’t move. He’s trying his damndest not to and ignoring the flex of his thighs as his pelvis seems to ache with need to just do something. But he doesn’t move because Billy loves this. Billy needs this moment, so he waits. He watches as Billy holds himself tightly and he adjusts to the sheer girth of Steve— his palms lying flat against his bare chest and his hips moving in shallow bursts.

“Oh,” Billy breathes out before sitting up and slamming himself down on Steve’s cock.

“Fuck, there you go,” Steve growls and plants his heels deeper in the mattress with every thrust. He grabs at Billy’s hips and at his thighs, brushing his fingers across the curve of his ass where stretch marks color the skin liquid-gold against bronze. Rivulets like the rings of Saturn. Like Billy’s his entire world and here lies the proof of it.

The thought sends a possessive thrill through him and his grip on Billy’s ass turns bruising. Tomorrow, Steve will nip and suck more galaxies into it but for now, he tries to mold a place inside of him with his cock; deep and hard until he finds the place that makes Billy howl and stiffen.

“Steve— right there, right there, right there. Don’t stop fucking me, please,” He cries, shifting until Steve swears his cockhead nudges against the damn near opening of Billy’s womb. And he knows that Billy feels it too because he flinches, as if surprised, as if the pleasure is tinged with pain but he doesn’t stop. He can’t stop.

“C’mon, baby. You can take it, don’t run.” he croons, forcing Billy to do some of the work; to rut back against his cock and envelope it whole and that’s exactly what he does. The blonde’s thighs flex with the strain of working himself open but he takes it so fucking well and Steve loses himself in the suctioning grip of Billy’s cunt. Closes his eyes and swears there are universes being created behind his eyelids. Star by star. Space dust by space dust.

“You were waiting for it, right? Wanted it so badly, gorgeous boy,” he chokes out, needing to let Billy know just how badly he’s got him.

The sound Billy makes in response is winded, all the same and then oh so pleased as he drops his hips into a slow, dirty downward grind. It’s miasmic and Steve feels the sloppy mess of Billy’s pussy against his abdomen and pulsating around him.

“Oh my god— Stevie, I’m gonna cum. Oh please, I’m gonna cum,” he ruts against Steve’s cock in these half aborted, little circles and Steve is equally as devastated by the constant bursts of pleasure and pressure.

The heat in his gut is building just as quickly. It’s a dangerous, tumultuous thing that expands past his groin and into his gut. He feels it in his hips, in his chest, at the back of his mouth and behind his teeth. It’s so close that he can taste it and he meets Billy halfway with the next few thrusts, plunging deeper into him, as if to say, ‘you feel it too, right?’

He’s whispering a mantra of, “Yea, baby? Right there?” and these desperate, half chewed off variations of Billy’s name.

And so many things happen within the next second that Steve can barely keep track of them. Billy muffles a moan between his teeth, whining all high at the back of his throat as he nods. He fucks himself on Steve’s cock with a restless abandon that comes from chasing his own orgasm. And Steve thinks, his womb. Billy’s fucking womb. He must be in it. He wants to knock him up so bad that it’s dizzying. So bad that it’s earth shattering and gravity defying. There’s the build up of white, blinding pleasure and then— the string snaps. Billy’s cumming around him with a shout and Steve’s fucking his cock into him without reprieve; thrusts long and drawn out as they ride the wave together.

He cums for so long and so hard, that Steve thinks he might have passed out a little. When he comes to, Billy’s cunt is still milking him dry and the blonde is plastered to his chest in his own, little world. Boneless but sated.

At that moment, the weariness in his bones hits him all at once and he winces. Shifts a little beneath Billy’s full weight but stamps a kiss to his forehead nonetheless. Billy grumbles into his sweat slick chest before pressing his lips there in return and brushing his mess of hair out of his eyes.

“So… donuts?” And Steve snorts.

“Yeah, donuts. I can’t believe we just screwed and that’s what you’re worried about.”

Billy’s answering smile is wicked and travels straight to Steve’s heart, “You knew who I was before you dated me so now you’re stuck,” and he’s smug about the fact.

His amusement is short lived as Steve’s softening cock slips out of him, alongside the mess of cum and Steve rolls them unto their sides. “Only because rent is killer in California but as soon as I make it big?”

Steve pats his cheek and yawns, “You’re outta here, hot stuff.”

Billy doesn’t fight him, though. Doesn’t argue that they can afford somewhere a little bigger now or that he’s pulling in more money than Steve is at the mechanic’s shop. He doesn’t point out that Steve’s been saying that almost everyday for a year and yet, still brings home his favorite donuts and will cuddle Billy for as long as he’d like after his shift because he misses him.

He doesn’t say it but Steve knows. He feels it in his chest the same way, too and thanks God and the universe for giving him a little bit of the sun and stars to hold; to keep with him forever.

minor technical difficulties meant that this was a little delayed!! so sorry everyone. i had so much fun working on this!! please look forward to the lovely upcoming work from our next contributor, @racketti and many thanks to @harringrove-relay-race for being such an amazing host 💗