#fuck my stupid kinnie life!!

[piltieprincess]

VAMPCAIT CANON IS REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VAMPCAIT CANON IS REAL???????????????????????

[vanyafresita]

NO FUCKING WAY ARE YOU FOR REALSIES ????

[itsalwaysdark]

i am going to try watching a show i never got 2 finish. not telling u what it is incase i actually am not able to

[marylily-my-beloved]

FATIMAH ! ♡

»»-----------► I HAVE A MICROFIC BLOG: @marylilymicrofic IF YOU LIKE MARYLILY AND LIKE MARAUDERS YOU SHOULD GO FOLLOW AND WRITE FOR IT!! I MADE IT WITH @icarus-last-fall

»»-----------► my Spotify ! (Go follow I make playlists sometimes) ♡

»»-----------► I made an aesthetic blog where I’ll be making mood boards and stuff !! It’s called @aesthetic-crows ♡

»»-----------► MY #1 WIFE RIYANA I LOVE HER GUYS @im-on-crack-send-help

»»-----------► Hiii! I hope you guys are prepared for like 4 fandom related posts a day and random rambles + shitposts ♡

»»-----------► My name is Fatimah (not real name), I am a minor (so plz don't be creepy) make any nicknames for me that you want (please please please call me Fay !!) ♡ She/they, arab, muslim, pansexual, infp, im just a girl ♡

»»-----------► MY AO3 <33 Go check it out I write marauders fics

➥ Lily and the Princesses of Power (ongoing). She-ra au, marylily fic, background ships as well. Lily escapes from the Death Eaters leaving Mary behind. 6/? Chapters ♡ On haitus sorry guys but I might update soon! Just have big writers block for this and I feel super bad for not updating :(

➥ Back at that Party (finished). Canon AU, marylily fic, background dorlene. Mary & Lily have a disagreement at a party and forced to sort it out together. 1/1 Chapter ♡

➥ Good Luck Babe! (finished). Canon AU, Lily x Narcissa wedding fic, end game narcissa x lucuis. Lily gets invited to Narcissa's wedding, and warns her about what could happen to her, and then dies a couple of years later. Main Character Death, 1/1 Chapter (based on Good Luck Babe! by Chappell Roan) ♡ (tumblr link)

➥ Burning Stars (finished). Canon AU, Bellatrix x Alice fic talking about their relationship in Hogwarts and how it ended. very angsty, hurt no comfort. 1/1 chapter ♡ (tumblr link)

➥ Strawberry Mentos (finished). Modern AU, marylily fic based on 'strawberry mentos'. Short and pretty cute and sweet. Getting Together fic. 1/1 chapter ♡ (tumblr link)

➥ Letters to A Happier Life (finished). after war AU, marylily. Lily is already dead, and Mary discovers their old letters after she obvliated herself. 1/1 chapter ♡ (tumblr link)

»»-----------► DNI IF

Rasict Transphobic and/or homphobic Islamaphobic Zionist / supports israel Sexist Discriminate against people for any stupid reason

»»-----------► I am obessed with Chappell Roan and women so much its not even funny anymore

»»-----------► I love writing fanfics, reading anything (plz give me book & fanfic recs), baking, listening to music & playing basketball ♡

»»-----------► I love hearts, pearls, rings, aesthetic stuff, pink and purple, uquizzes, cats, my moots & lipgloss ♡

»»-----------► SOME LINKS TO MY FAVE POSTS I MADE

Black Sisters Dialouge

Mary Macdonald Deep Dive (P2! more in depth)

Dorcas Meadowes Deep Dive

Black Sisters Deep Dive (sorta)

Peter Pettigrew Deep Dive

Blue by Billie Eilish = Andromeda & Bellatrix

Skinny by Billie Eilish = Lily Evans

Chihiro by Billie Eilish = Dorcas Meadowes

Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo = Dorlily (Dorcas x Lily)

Apple by Charli XCX = Evans Sisters (Lily & Petunia)

24/7 by The Neighbourhood = Jily modern AU

Bellatrix & Sirius Comparison

Microfics

»»-----------► Fandoms: ♡

・❥・ Harry Potter/Marauders fandom. Gryffindor. Lily, Mary & Remus kinnie. In love with James Potter & Pandora Lovegood ♡ (fuck jk rowling I do not support her) (jkr should go die)

・❥・She-ra (2018 reboot). Harcdore catradora and scorfuma shipper. Entrapta kinnie and I am in love with her ♡

・❥・ PJO (Percy Jackson). Percabeth and Valgrace <333 Cabin #8. Pretty sure I kin Annabeth. My favourite charcater is Bianca ♡

・❥・Hunger Games. Have not finished the series yet but working on it <3. In love with Johanna ♡. Need to read half of Mockingjay & TBOSAS ♡

・❥・Heartstopper. So excited for season 3, read all of the books on webtoon. Tori & Tara lover ♡. Darcy, Elle & Charlie kinnie. Harcore Tara x Darcy shippers ♡

・❥・ Young Royals. Harcore Sara x Felice shipper & Stedrika (stella x fredrika) & of coure Wilmon and Henry x Walter. Wilhelm and Felice kinnie. In love with Maddie ♡

・❥・ ATLA & LOK. I love them so much, I love Korra and Katara & Asami. Toph + Zuko kinnie ♡ Harcore kataang and toph x suki. getting into zutara but kataang will always be the otp. I have almost all the comics for ATLA ♡

・❥・TDP / The Dragon Prince. love love love love, I got sooo back into it after season 6. protect my boy terry!!! ♡ rayllum my loves. sorvus my heart. fuck viren. probably a soren kinnie... ♡

・❥・Probably more but I can't remember rn ♡

»»-----------► My tags and other random stuff <333:

➥ Pride Month headcanons: #fatimahs pride headcanons 🤍 (this will be every pride month) ➥ Headcanons: yapping about headcanons 🎀 ➥ Personal stuff: me me me ! ➥ Basically everything: fatimah yaps 🎀 ➥ Deep Dives & Random long rambles: #Fatimahs deep dives ➥ My Writing (either here or a link to ao3): #Fatimahs writing ➥ Asks: #Fatimah gets an ask woah ➥ My life: fay.talks 🎀 »»-----------► Quotes ➥ marauders: Fatimahs marauders quotes 🩵 ➥She ra: Fatimahs she ra quotes 🩷 forgot the rest lol ♡

»»-----------► Music: Conan Gray, Sabrina Carpenter, The Weeknd, Olivia Rodrigo, Chase Atlantic, Suicidal Tendencies, Hozier, Ariana Grande, Beadadoobee, Chappell Roan, Billie Eilish, Ethel Cain, EMELINE, Lana Del Ray, The Neighbourhood, Arctic Monkeys, CAS, David Bowie, Queen, Mitski, Cavetown & girl in red ♡

»»-----------► I LOVE ALL MY MOOTS IM TOO TIRED TO MAKE A LIST BUT I LOVE YOU GUYS <33333333

»»-----------► I usually yap only about the marauders and/or she-ra but will occasionally yap about anything and everything else <3 please send me asks for anything you want I love asks and your like personal comments on my stuff ♡

the dividers are by @cafekitsune & the images are from Pinterest ♡

[yourlocalguardian]

Yknow I know lot of people think the young therians mainly on tiktok who make masks and do a lot of quadrobics and wear their gear in public are cringe but like. As a bit older kinnie I remember how strong my instincts were when I was that age, how often and how strongly I had mental shifts, and the mental torture I went through my whole young life before I found out that there were other people like me because I felt like I was some sort of freak and didnt understand why I couldn’t just stop feeling the ways I did

Even if you think it’s cringe I know if I had had that community and that ability to engage with my creature-self at that age I would have felt so much better in myself, I wouldn’t have had the deep set self hatred I did for many years, and I think that’s extremely important. It’s extremely important that we don’t let the young members of our community experience that same pain that I and I’m sure others like me have felt

Also friendly reminder too that cringe culture is fucking stupid, if you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else you shouldn’t be shunned for doing what makes you happy. And that means you, person reading this, shouldn’t be the one to make them feel like they should be ashamed. If you feel like it’s cringe keep that to yourself and maybe do some self reflection on why you would think people doing a harmless activity that makes them happy would somehow be wrong. Cringing is a reflex, but that doesn’t mean you have to act upon it.

Additionally if you’re one of those people that’s against them because “they’re making us look bad”/“people won’t take us seriously because of them”. If people won’t accept us in the full extent of who we are then they would never be accepting of us in the first place. Acception when only in a watered down form is not true acception at all. 

[5five5five5five5five5five]

Pls headcanons of a flirty dolores [human] and five .

Trying to forget "that season".

Denial stage activated.

Pls and thank you.

Good day/night.

OOOHH YES! but first i want to write a human Dolores of my own then we can get to the flirty stuff. * she is in her mid 30's and works as a librarian who LOVES books and is very smart and pretty and perfect.

she is MADDENINGLY in love with the Noir detective novel series " Five "max" Hargreeves and the Umbrella of Time. a long running series about a Old man who turns into a young man some times and solves crime with his dog Mr. pennycrumb. * she hated that when they turned the books into movies, they hired a actor that looked NOTHING like how she sees him in her head. Five looks like how she sees him in her head. she cant pinpoint why it bugs her so much. its just wrong. thats not him??? * one day well sorting books, she no clips into the backroom subways and gets stuck. idk how. s4 logic aka make shit up. but she thinks "what would Five do?" and copy his mapping and travel style. * and then they meet......Jesus my kinnie ass heart melts even thinking about it lol. * "five?!" "Delores?!.....are you..real this time....." "wait how do you know my name??....and yes i am very much real? are YOU?" "how do you know MY name?? and yes??" then they nervously chuckle and tell each other how they know each other. * they get a bit sad that the others Delores and five were not real and five admits he got the better end of the stick by being a cool book character....she didn't deserve to be just a......mannequin. but Delores reassures him that his life needed her and that's what gave it so much value. "and at least you got to physically hold me~ i just had....really embaressing art of you...." *Delores drawing him then she thinks he's not looking. she wishes he was a bit older but her self shipping ass is used to his age "powers" but knows this Five cant turn back. at least he's not 13 Five lol. *he's tried to explain his age situation a few times.... shes so understanding about it and five, for the first time, feels seen....and got does his face get red. she knows he's a old man. she loves him BECAUSE he's actually an old man. ANYWAY TO THE FLIRTY STUFF. MY BRAIN IS JUST ON FIRE WITH HUMAN DELORES. * they CAN NOT stop looking at each other. five feels so stupid being THIS flustered. its not his wife. he knows this. but god....shes so stunning. younger then his Delores but he doesn't mind. * she's taller then him no matter what. she was taller then him when he was old, young doesn't matter. shes a tall women and he loves that about her. *her always behind his shoulder correcting his math. and him huffing and admitting shes right. *she likes to head to him. he likes listening. hearing her voice with none of his own voice fused in is so refreshing. he would read his head in her lap and just relax for once in his life. *them slow dancing and mumbling soft words of comfort to each other. *she loves booping his nose. at first, it bits him because the handler used to but ends up finding it nice. its a trait she would have. *he loves watching her move. dance. walk. talk. shes in front of him. again, their eyes are glued to each other and its hard hard not to. just knowing their loves are real keeps them going. *that art meme of all the lovestruck chibis surrounding a very flustered person. that's Delores if she walked into the deli. imagine all the fives looking over and melting in surprise. crumbling in their seats because they are filled with "i miss my wife,tails" energy. the five we are following for this post has to fight them back and give protective glares well she admits the attention is nice and oh god! so many fives! *when five finds a way to return, he doesn't fucking hide it and want to introduce her to his family so bad. she is worried about ending up in a different timeline. he understands the risk but at this point, he just wants the love of his life. and Shes so starved for adventure that she agrees wholeheartedly.

sorry if this wasn't all flirty themed stuff, i just really wanted to write Delores.

[iamnotphantomswallmarkshipchild]

"

"No germs!! I think. I hope."

what a fucking coolass border

Hey so uh mod here

Whenever the text is bold or in quotes then I'm probably in-character

also i have to specify VERY clearly that i am slightly uncomfortable with people treating this character like a child

if i see you trying to make me play along with the "Lampert is Mark and Wallter's child" i will consider strangling you!!

not like i hate it but

people with the headcanon tend to treat this character a bit like a child at times and that makes me feel icky since i somewhat see myself in this character

not like I'm a fictionkin or anything but

more of just a general kinnie

and i fucking hate the feeling of being treated like a child

for reasons i won't specify.

no asking about that shit or I'll strangle you

also yes i AM aware there are other Lampert blogs btw

i just wanted to make one because of shits and giggles

This blog will mostly be mod just trying to be faithful to the character and just suffering

also mod does not have adhd but luckily has a few tabs grouped together that is just ADHD symptoms and Lampert interactions with the npcs so i don't fuck up his personality

Mod goes by she/her (basic fucking bitch) and in-character Lampert uses He/they

also if you send weird shit or break my boundaries i will close my ask box and start venting about my awful life

yes I'm fucking serious

anyways sorry i didn't let Lampert utter a single word in this post other than one of his canon lines. i didn't want to fuck up a portion of their personality due to my stupid idiot brain being stupid

Lol

[bonetrousled]

it's so fucked up that ur entire life going forward can be irreversibly changed by like. Anyone. like it's so fucking stupid that like yeah my brain will just never operate the same ever again because like ^-^ a fucking flowey undertale kinnie from instagram dot com decided to do Unspeakable and Vile things to me for two and a half years. incredibly embarassing.every day i wonder about the person i would have grown up to be if that didnt happen. i am infuriated day after day because she got to just. continue to live after killing who i was. time goes on while i am continuously stagnant. it's like im trapped in a lead box.if i ever see her again i'll be ripping her limb from limb 😋

[harmonyfriends]

On Being Fictional

We decided to take a sort of survey in our system on what being a fictive or a character kinnie means to those of us who are affected by that sort of thing, and we came up with lots of interesting responses! I hope it helps show that there's many diverse relationships one can have with that sort of identity, even within just one system.

Had a lucid dream about being our own fanfic self-insert and it made me realize a fantasy life wasn't a life.

Was in the lucid dream as our own fanfic's other self-insert slash love interest. She told me I was real and I said "uhhhhh, really? I guess?" Well, turns out…

I'm a fictive of a male character who transitioned to female… now I go back and forth, but have a new masc name instead of my deadname. How much my fictional life feels like memories fluctuates a lot with me.

I Dunno I Kinda Just Thought It'd Be Fun And Comfy To Be Me :> ( And I Was Right ! )

Supporting character from the fanfic, supporting character in our brain. I try not to think too hard about it.

I was so fucking pissed off about being here until I realized I could just stay asleep most of the time. My identity confuses me though.

Got hurt bad while roleplaying a lifetime ago and got stuck in her headspace as some kind of trauma response. It feels like I have memories from that world.

I'm just me… I don't know how to describe it any more than that…

I knew I was her from the moment I laid eyes on her. I'm still figuring out what that means, but I don't feel like I ever lived in that world.

I dunno how much I'm her 'cuz I haven't watched the thing I'm from yet! I dunno if I'm even going to, but maybe some day?

we dreamt we had a headmate of a character we had no particular attachment to and for some stupid reason I was still there when we woke up. now I basically only show up when it'd be funny

Whatever I am, I just can't let go of my mental self-image and inner voice being of this character. I'm learning to accept that I am loved for this. Genderfluid now.

I believe a cosmic stroke of luck caused me to reincarnate into this world with my platonic soulmate, after both dying in our source. I'm just grateful for a chance to spend some more time together.

I just asked myself what kind of identity would make me not want to die, and this character is the first thing my brain came up with. I dunno if I'll stay this way forever, but for now, it suits me.

I'm me 'cuz I said so!! >:3

I passively thought about kinning this character for like one second and no one else in here let me live it down!!!

I fell in love with my headmate the moment I saw her… I'm more or less just perma-roleplaying a character that fits as her girlfriend, but that's basically all I do, so if I'm her all the time, I'm her, right?

I'm so grateful that that horrible cartoon where all those terrible things happened to me and my friend was just a bad dream…

I'm here because she needs me.

I'm deeply ashamed of my kin, but the shame renders me unable to escape it. I have an alternate sona I like though. Mostly dormant.

Our forever-unfinished story means I'll be on the precipice between the final chapter and the epilogue for the rest of my life. I don't know why I gained self-awareness of this, but I think I've finally made my peace with it.

Ohohoho~ pay me no mind; I'm just roleplaying, dear.

[andypx]

hello, hi, omg i’m awful at this, so basically i’m a sirius kinnie, pinning over a remus kinnie(that only see me as a friend) and i’m writing sad boy poetry, because i don’t want to deal with heartbreak so here is one of them🫶🏻

i see you across the room

every one is talking

about their days and their life

but i have this feeling right in my chest that blooms

i see you across the room

quiet life is pure bullshit

my days arent pretty worth talking

everything in me hurts and i just want to get away to pull it

i see you across the room

i don’t really know what that is supposed to mean

but your fucking face

and your warm grin,

your body that feels like it was carved by the greatest worker in the branch of all stupid art,

it fells like i was made to be perfectly playing with

your voice that dance with my heart

i’m so fitting in yours arms and your smile

that i been wondering about sink into the intoxication of this love for a while,

you’re a lot taller than me, and i think that’s fair poetry

the fact that i have to look up to see you

worship the god on earth, feeling held in your gaze with such a symmetry

a divinity that somehow became my?

i don’t know how to just be your friend, when all i want is yours skin close to mine

best friends

that just sound so wrong

just the thought of being more, tastes like a song

i see you across the room

and for me the whole world stops the time you look me in the eyes

how could this people are talking and listening

these people don’t see? it must all be a lie

because how could this people even exist

when you are looking right in my eyes with a soft smile?

i see you across the room

looking me in the eyes and smiling

you’re the part of my life

that’s worth to talk about it

[eiloveir]

songs from my kinnie playlist that I would like to link with specific characters from naruto based on their traits

warnings: none, apart from possibly referencing a toxic personality or similar topics

a/n: just adopted the habit of using songs as inspiration for writing(i’m at a loss for blog ideas)

“if you need to be mean, be mean to me. i can take it and put it inside of me.”

uzumaki naruto

“just don’t leave me alone, wondering where you are. i’m stronger than what you give me credits for!”

it’s clear-cut—even people on tiktok have said his kindness is beyond what seems real. personally, i aim to give correct answers, but maybe i’ve just never met someone as genuinely kind as him before

he dealt with the villagers’ hate as the jinchuriki, knowing they wouldn’t like him, and worked hard for their acknowledgement.

“you can lean on my arms as you break my heart” is literally just the same when he said, “will you kill me calmly, sasuke?” LIKE HELL

this is his song, no further explanation needed.

uchiha sasuke

“it’s no surprise you turned out this way, when they closed their eyes and prayed you would change.”

honestly, it’s kind of difficult to find a song in this playlist that isn’t mentally connected to him (I relate to him so much, it’s painful)—but if I had to pick one that really stands out, it would be this one.

this song portrays the events that happened for him after meeting orochimaru. had he not crossed paths with itachi long after orochimaru’s invitation, he might have pursued an entirely different course of action.

“there are lessons to be learned and consequences for all the stupid things I say” he abandoned the village, parted ways with his friends, and sacrificed everything to gain power because, in his conviction, it was the only path to defeating his brother. his sole purpose in life became to eliminate him.

“I wanna contribute to the chaos, and that is the decicion I have made.” if i were in his position, I might have made the same choices. it’s hard to blame him considering he witnessed the tragic fate of his family and clan, all without knowing the truth behind their deaths.

and he shouldn’t be blamed for holding hatred towards Itachi. like, the fuck you mean, “he should have just asked for an explanation”

haruno sakura

“i don’t care, i just want to be apart.”

this is the foremost thought I have when I think of her. despite my disappointment (blame the author, jk) with how her character was portrayed, it only deepened my attachment for her.

her lack of fighting scene, despite almost three years of training, is what made her battle with Chiyo so meaningful to me.

her desire to change herself because she feels burdensome to her team is highly relatable. unlike most of her friends who possess kekkei genkai abilities, she was born without any power, which makes her situation similar to tenten and lee.

she also yearns to be regarded as an equal member of the team, rather than someone who merely supports from the sidelines. (unfortunately, the author struggled to write her character well, especially as the heroine character.)

hatake kakashi

“feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised, and yours is perfectly fine now. feels like we buried alive something that never died. so, god, it hurt when i found out.”

the loss of obito and rin has left him with severe emotional scars. scars that are still deep and neglected.

although he has made an effort to hide his feelings of regret and guilt over the deaths of his friends, they have persisted to haunt him.

it was a great shock for him to learn that obito, the man he had believed to be dead, had actually been alive during the shinobi war. it brought up old grudges and made him face his resentment for his erstwhile partner and friend.

well... he has remained at the exit thus far because he is the only member of his squad to survive, but he has already gained friends that he will always think of as family.

uchiha itachi

bruh, my playlists are filled with songs that genuinely speak to the uchiha “doomed” brothers, man. i’m unable to make a proper decision because everything is related to them.

“be the one, be the one to take my soul and make it undone. be the one, be the one to take me home and show me the sun.”

the worst of his suffering comes from being forced to be a spy for a criminal organization; his duty as a shinobi is far from over, even when he kills his clan and everything.

he followed through on his mission, keeping everyone in the dark about his pain and suffering alone without anyone asking him how he was doing! (they could never make me hate you)

he did, in fact, dehumanize his brother because, in his defense, it would help sasuke become a skilled konoha shinobi and seek revenge against him using his own gained power. but as he himself stated, what he did to him simply made matters worse.

uchiha obito

“take aim to obtain a new name and a newer place but my name is lame, i can't walk and i ain't the same and my name became a new destiny to the grave.”

he’s neither obito, tobi, or Madara, but he’s a “no one”

he kept committing crimes in order to acknowledge his dream of a utopia called tsukoyomi, where everyone would live in peace and no one would be consumed by hatred as he was.

although he was tricked into thinking that nothing would change unless he followed madara’s instance and listened to what he had to say, he wasn’t brainwashed by the fact that he wanted to do the tsukoyomi thing.

“repentance is taking commission, it’s taking a toll on my soul.”

for his part in the deaths and suffering of numerous people, including his friends and supporters, obito bears a great deal of sorrow and regret for his deeds. he aspires to atone for his previous deeds throughout the whole show. he tries to make amends and accepts responsibility for his faults.

[riddlelily]

fuck my stupid heather mcnamara kinnie life

[loiswasadevil]

Actual multiverse-believing selfhood-believing fictionkin here wondering why the timestamps on your comments are from 15 hours ago and not from 2014. Really. You're not in THAT universe right now, are you? Ok then. Even if you DID reality-shift, wouldn't that only be you? If you really did know everything about Family Guy, you'd know if something was a script or not. Either give up your trolling act or stop being a brat to everyone else. I think you knew damn well what the post was about and made the choice to act like a 10-year-old. That or you are an anti-kin troll. Leaning towards the latter, because those are usually the kind who make a big circlejerk amongst themselves all "oh hehe look at what the tumblrina kinnies believe because they're all 13 and stupid". Congrats, you played yourself. Signed, Dr. Raymond Stantz.

What the hell do you even mean? And No not right now I shift there literally all the time So i can go there at will usually And it's honestly fucked up of you to send me this at a time when i can't shift when im experiencing my catalysts do to Christmas Trauma and The Death of my Peter, When i DO reality shift If i wasn't lois I wouldn't shift there and take the place of Lois I mirror her when I shift. If i wasn't truly lois I would shift as A different manifestation and i wouldnt be in the Griffin house on Spooner Street That isn't how it works Educate yourself on kin and shifting. I'm not fucking trolling this is just my blog so if you don't like it Stay off and if you aren't a Family Guy Fan then STAY OFF. I don't even know what post you're Fucking talking about, I have a famous blog where I answer and post a lot every day so you can't be vague in saying "What THE post was about" What Post do you even mean? And Don't you fucking dare call me an Anti Kin troll when i've done more to uplift the kin community than you've done in your entire life because you need to hide behind anon.

[citriosis]

not to vent on main but this is definitely not a void moment. i had this talk with my mom a little while ago (i have complex feelings about and a hard relationship with her but it was important).

it's weird being a black person that doesn't fit in either way. because i was raised mostly in predominantly white neighborhoods (living where i do now is my first time living in a predominantly black neighborhood actually) and, aside from things i had to learn to survive in said white neighborhoods, was given a pretty "white" childhood, i don't feel like i belong as a part of black culture at all.

but i'm also...not white. lol. but despite this, other black people tell me i ACT whit. i've been accused of BEING white in the past and accused of racefaking (once over stupid kinnie shit on vent dot co and once on twitter over Mental Illness) because i don't act "black enough", but my mutuals who have been in video calls with me and have seen pictures of me know i'm not white. and not only am i not white, i'm VERY clearly black. white people will be surprised by how i speak, and they say "you speak so well!", but leave off "for a black person". they don't see me as one of them, but they probably subconsciously see me as a whiter black person, which makes my fucking skin crawl.

i'm not black enough to feel like i'm not a fucking poser when i call myself black, but i'm not white enough to completely deny my heritage. i look black, but i have a white mouth. i feel passionately about Black issues, but i feel like i can't talk about them because i'll sound too white.

i feel like i'm some secret third thing in the worst fucking possible way. i'm not having a black experience, i'm not having a white experience, i'm just kinda...void. and it fucks with my self-image in ways that i'm not fully comfortable talking about on main.

as i was on this train of thought, i said something like "i guess this IS a black experience in and of itself, though" and she was like...yeah. and she said it confidently, even though it hadn't been HER black experience. but honestly it hasn't made me feel better because of ✨ internalized racism ✨ in many, many fucking colors.

she also said i'm not alone in this experience, and that i might find other people in my generation who relate to this because of how we were raised. but honestly that doesn't make me feel better either tbh, at least not rn. maybe i will feel better if i end up finding some level of solidarity, but idek if i'm gonna post this. i feel like i'm gonna get "not black enough"ed or accused of being fucking white! which hurts when i've NOT BEEN BLACK ENOUGH my whole life! it's EXHAUSTING. too white to be black (despite having no white immediate family and being black), too black to be white (because i'm black).

anyway idek how to tag this. maybe i just won't. i said this wouldn't be a void post but i almost don't wanna post this lol. but oh well. off to tumblr it goes.

[fridgrave2-0]

the moment of realization what im max kinnie

in the aspect of being fucking dumb and nerdy (but he's closed about it) and having an insane amount of frustration because of it. it's being so stupid and incapable of studying what i had to drop shittiest college bc i couldn't do it. im jealous of smart people or anyone who can do what i cant, i want to cry and break stuff and yell when i don't understand very simple things and it happens a lot. im repressing my anger all the time, home doesnt feel like home at all, im always tense while my mom is around and all i think when she's near is what she'll start talking again how useless i am and what she doesnt want me here

in the aspect of being in need of a positive attention even though feeling there is really nothing what can be done to get it. it believing someone does good to me when its not, opening my heart to the random people who had to say or do to me just one nice thing. it's a need of control because all i feel is my life falling apart in my hands

it's not in the aspect of hunting bullying killing harassing anyone. just for the note

[valzacchii]

Oh to see a person who changed so much about you and your life in such a casual way.

Now, that's a vent about a old friendship.

2021 and 2022 were such a thing with you. To be awake late in the night in a stupid game with you, to watch stupid cartoons, to do shit in your hair together, to talk shit about people, to mvtil4t3 together, cry about stupid little things. It was amazing, wasn't it?

I still have the text you wrote for my birthday, I still think about us when I'm about to sleep, still look at my cat thinking how much he must miss you.

It hurts to hear my mom asking about you, if I know anything about you. It still makes me jealous to hear a "friend" saying she could "pull you off" if she had your number. I still act like you need some sort of protection bc you're 13 and I don't like people flirting with you (but you're not 13 since two years ago, so I guess I was overprotective.. but you never complained)

And I think if you still would like me to order our food, if you'd be happy with those treats I would buy you every tuesday and thursday... I'm still your favorite person to be touched by? Like, would you still accept a hug of mine even when refusing of others?

Our friendship was so.. special. I still hate myself for losing you to time.

And that's because you moved. Then you started dating (wich was a punch in the guts). Then we lost contact.

I don't even know what you like anymore, and this pains me. To not know your favorite everythings, to only listen that fucking Spotify playlist as I miss you.

And then I saw you, you and your auntie (I cried so much in the bathroom of my job my eyes got swollen), you seemed happier than when you lived with your mom... And next to me, but that's perfect, I'm so happy for you.

Yet, you left a hole in my heart. I guess I'll never forget you, never forget to make a tatto in honor of our friendship, never forget the shampoo you liked. I'll never forget your habits. Never forget the ring tone of your phone. Never forget your kinnies. Never delete screenshots of our conversations. I hope you feel the same <3