#oh my god. what the hell OK 2017 ASS POST

[riddlelily]

fuck my stupid heather mcnamara kinnie life

[rontra]

your art is making me go absolutely feral about wondermagic. I never looked at Zatanna comics before (or much comics in general), do you have any recommendations on where to start? I need more of this funky gay stage magician and her huge dork girlfriend in my life.

oh god. I MEAN first of all YES!!!!! WONDERMAGIC W!!!!!!! im so happy to hear it. they make me actually crazy im glad youre enjoying The Art

however SECOND OF ALL i must confess (as i have confessed before!) that i am a fake ass comic book fan. i've barely read Anything for Any character (LOL) i am not at ALL versed in her various appearances/history. so tbh i hope my more knowledgeable followers can drop recs for both me and you if there's anything particularly noteworthy

but i can talk about what i HAVE read bc my journey with her has been very . memorable to me. THIS IS NOT A HELPFUL POST this is just me infodumping--AT LENGTH--about my and zatanna's relationship. but i do talk a little about what ive read. like casual rontra followers can stop reading here its just rambling

anyway my first exposure to ms zatanna was in the first proper dc comic i ever read. which doesnt count because its extremely not about her (this is a tangent) but its notable for making me out loud go "who is this MAGICIAN" which prompted my partner to immediately reply "you mean zatanna zatara". oh you know her. you know the magician. bitch who the hell is--

you gotta appreciate the experience here. its babys first ever comic. i know superman i know batman ive seen them around (from being alive as a human). i have never in my life heard of the stage magician who hangs out with them (in full costume??) and is their friend(?????)

SHES VERY MEMORABLE. WHO THE HELL IS THIS MAGICIAN

anyway that's all a tangent. flash forwards to last month. i was already working on CTDE from the kara^2 angle (bc i majored in n52 power girl w a minor degree in supergirl: woman of tomorrow, of course) but i was like "i should expand this roster". my friends suggest their blorbos ofc and i have a fun time reading wiki pages from multiple storylines/continuities just getting a wide array of impressions from different places. just snooping around the Vibes. and im like. man i should look at that Magician. read some of HER pages

you gotta appreciate knowing nothing at like 3am, to figuring out ctde zatanna's palette at 5:43 am

i can't resist her.

anyway i already knew here that i was going to do something weird with her in the CTDE that wasn't necessarily connected to any of her published material. i was cooking independently. the stove was on before i had ingredients on hand bc i had the IDEA first. but i was like "i should look at some of her stuff first-hand and try and refine the Vibes" yknow. like theres limits to how much of a fake zatanna fan i can be

so we put out a call in the Mutuals Network and someone was like "you Could watch the justice league dark movie from 2017 she's in that". i was like ok 1hr15 animated movie i can handle that EASY

i didn't love the movie. so i'm not going to say anything else about it. however something VERY IMPORTANT TO NOTE:

thats right. wondermagic took hold before i read a single zatanna comic. just as it has for you anon.... we're not so different you and i...

couple days pass. im just relaxing. hanging out. looking at random tumblr blogs that post comic stuff bc im curious. so i stumble on this one post and it has a clean edit of This Fateful Image 👇

this. GODDAMN image

i was like Wonder Woman is HOW TALL? excuse ME? (>he has also never engaged with a single piece of wonder woman content)

SHES SO TALL........??? and Next To Zatanna? (diesel voice) back in my day we called this spitting distance. and we would post it on /u/

im like okay what comic is this from im going there and im going NOW. to view her. like it's that easy folks. just show me wonder woman, Tall, next to another woman. and i'll go read it

nyway this is Justice League Dark from 2018-2020 it's like 30 issues or so and theres a stretch of chapters where diana is a real hunk its unbelievable. then the art changes but it was amazing while it lasted

(and then i immediately stumbled and wondermagic ctde real)

i really enjoyed this comic actually. i have NO idea how its generally regarded by zatanna nation, but i had a fun enough time. absorbed a lot of DC Comics Magic Lore for my AU which is important

at some point it starts doing Weirdly Umineko Coded dialogue totally unprompted so if you've read that it might tickle your funnybone to see comic book characters asking each other "was this a trick or was it magic 😏". made me feel right at home

my main complaint is that SHE'S NOT DRESSED LIKE A FUCKING MAGICIAN IN IT!!!! COME ON!!!!! they chickened out on the full magician garb in this whole era. which is just so sad. the fishnet fingerless gloves are funny though i might steal that. but i think she is so funny when she's wearing the full magician costume. like call me shallow but her commitment to the bit is so important to me

on the upside she interacts with wonder woman A Lot. the rest of the team is fun too. the justice league dark team is just wonder woman severely failing to put together a squad with any star power at all and i think that's adorable. her failgirl era. now she's out here with her also-rans. i like them all im fond of them

diana scruffs zee like a cat??? she's just hanging there like she's ok with it LOL

it technically jumps off of another comic but tbh if you're willing to hit the ground running and just Accept some stuff in medias res and go with it it's pretty easy to pick up if you wanted

("Just Going With It" is a vital survival skill for getting into comics in general because even if a comic isn't part of a longer continuity its always like "omg glup shitto is here!!! for the fans!!!" and you just have to be like Okay someone else will know who that is. ill just go w it. yknow 😭)

anyway i got a lot of DC Magic Lore (Strangely Familiar Edition) and Zee Content AND!!! Wondermagic Content. in this one. so even if i had an inkling about them before, this comic is really what detonated the charge so to speak. they interact so much

and the dynamic created w their relationship to magic and stuff is really interesting. brainwormy for sure. it took me from "who the hell is this magician" to "DO PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT WONDERMAGIC????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO???" in one comic. i have a LOT of thoughts about them like genuinely i think there's meat on the bone conceptually for wondermagic

but i think pretty much any time they appear together in general they're just Like That. whenever theyre both in a comic they have to be gay about it (what the fuck did she mean by this). i was losing my mind when i was catching up on DC/RWBY (ABHORRED. avoid if possible) and zatanna is immediately on her bullshit again. IS THAT HOW YOU GREET HER

anyway to sum up my rambling here's a peek into my league of comic geeks library of Shit Ive Read Since Then (that had zee in it). basically i have no further wisdom for you but for the knowers this is where i'm at (click to enlarge)

it's a totally random selection LOL my strategy is that i look at comics that list her as a cast member and spin an actual roulette wheel in my brain to decide whether i should read it or not. there's very little else going on here. just monkey sees funny magician -> neuron activates

that pretty much catches us up on my zatanna journey. youll notice if you paid attention to the date/time stamps that it took a mere matter of Days to go from "yeah i can watch a movie" to "i think about her kissing women every night before i sleep". it is DIRE in here. im not sure ive ever had such a Severe escalation of worms

i love her. she's my funny girl. anyway. zatanna nation. if you're still reading this. if you're still with me. what is your wisdom. what should me and anon read. please.

this is a matter of international consequences.

[firstgenerationipadmini]

literally the worst computer yap sesh you will read dear fucking god

hey guys today I am back from twitter because OH MY GOD ITS A CESSPOOL ALL IT IS IS YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEHAS YEHAY HEAY YEHA YEHA YEHA YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH oh hey look my computers on ANYWAYS twitter is hell and Tumblr is also hell but less in a way.

with that out of the way, I am currently fiddling with my old computer from 2017. its a windows 10 dell laptop Inspiron something. all you gotta know is its older than 2017 and it has a keypad. also it sucks ass. the processor is uhhhhhh i7 7th generation which is *opens google* pretty good???? thats according to google. in my experience, it sucks. it could also be the hard drive. im 99% sure its the disk drive and sitting around collecting dust for about a year and then being crammed with windows updates did not do very good for it. so it takes about ten minutes to boot and using any application without lag is abysmal. I was hoping to get the laptop traded for a sexy MacBook or something in 2022 but my mom was all "mimimimimi you already have a laptop" my sister in christ thats exactly the problem, and to this day im typing this "essay" or whatever the fuck on an iMac. yes its an intel based yes I love it yes it just works and does Mac stuff but other than that its still a Mac at the end of the day so no 32 bit games no plugging in my Nintendo switch and extracting all of the screenshots which a lot of the features that windows can do but Mac can't I can personally live without.

I just updated the windows laptop I was talking about and by the nine its all fired up. and when I say that I mean

it sits there, calling to me.

but im writing rn so it can scream faster. also this yap sesh is sponsored by Clop. when I airdropped this image to myself, it had the .heic file type. but with clop, it was instantly converted to a jpeg and automatically spoon fed to my clipboard. get 0% off your next download if you clitoris the link! (its free)[but its Mac exclusive heheheha eat shit windows losers]

I should prolly check to see how the laptop is whirling. and yep it still takes over 10 seconds to open the settings and I tried to open google chrome (first mistake) and the window is still pure white (nvm it just came on as I wrote this but picture the time it took to write from "and yep" and "nvm" and add 20 seconds and thats how long google chrome took to open. what do I do with this computer?

I opened it in the first place to try to install linux mint. but thats hard and when I opened disk utility there were 5 partitions no larger than a gigabyte. no idea what thats all about. I goggled it and it says it partitions after every update? which is fucking stupid and all these partitons have 100% free space this is actual fucking bloatware what the fuck time to wipe

update: I can't wipe it I right click and it only shows "help" and thats it. this is only on all the portions and one of them is 15 gb holy moly! also I dont feel like writing anymore so im just gonna post this ok by

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[literaphobe]

What's your most chaotic interaction from tumblr? Like rate dumb things that has happened or something jkshceks

oh my god get ready because this took me looking through my asks back until early 2017. i got whiplash reliving some of these. narrowed many moments down to the best ones. behold some of my most chaotic/dumb interactions on tumblr, from most recent to least:

‘not to be an asshole but could you stop making content’ incredible. came for my entire life. for $8,000 i will stop. 8/10

‘why can’t adora be white? :( don’t us white lesbians deserve representation too? :(’ i wanted to die when i got this ask. i still am in disbelief over the fact that this happened. 9/10

‘read your fic - you’re gay’ yeah i got clocked for being gay. what the fuck :( exposed :( 7/10

‘can you flirt in the dms i’m too single for this shit’ getting scolded by anons for allegedly flirting.... yeah call me out! 7/10

‘i have reported you to the secret service for talking about assassinating trump btw’ was anon messing w me? did they want me to be scared? who knows. im not even american. 6.5/10

‘fyi i took a screenshot of one of your posts. ten minutes later my house burnt down so now a screenshot of your post is next to pictures of my house in flames’ 9.5/10. it was definitely my fault. im so sorry i caused your house to burn anon i take full responsibility. u didn’t even blame me for the fire but u should have 

‘how dare u say straights aren’t allowed in the b99 fandom. its 2019 fandoms should be inclusive and welcoming of people regardless of their sexuality????’ 9/10. still cannot believe till this day that i was accused of oppressing the straights 

‘jake is straight you can die mad about it 😘‘ 9/10. amazing. love it when straight people send me death threats for headcanoning characters as bi

 ‘how do you pronounce your name i’ve been saying it as mice hell’ 9.5/10. absolutely incredible that anon thought my incredibly common name michelle was pronounced like this

‘An hour or two? LOL NO. I browse tumblr barely for 15-20 minutes. Of which I have exactly 90 seconds to go through your blog and read dcau chapter if there are responses of new one. Which I do in hardly 45 seconds. So, I actually just skim through the chapter and absorb more than others who read it like twice/thrice. Also, I am writing this long ass ask because my girlfriend is making me wait in my car and wasting our precious time we'd be spending on our date instead. YIKES.’ 9.5/10. ok for context. i uploaded a 15k chapter for a fic and in the tags i told people to be prepared because the chapter might take them like an hour or two to read. and this anon was pissed off that i would dare assume they would take such a long time to read my fic. also they had to tell me why they took the time to send me that ask in the first place. it is so fucking funny

‘Fuck can't wait. You told Monday, now you're telling Tuesday tommorow you'll say Wednesday? Bitch.😠‘ 7/10 i told people i would post my fic on monday but then i delayed it and this anon called me a bitch. this ask is hilarious 

‘Not just to Andy but also every other stranger. Nobody should let you near them if they are uncomfortable. You are bisexual that means everyone should know that you are an equal Potential Threat to all females with all the harassing going on. Being bisexual has its own advantages and disadvantages. You too fall into the category of creepy males creeppin out other females.‘ 8.5/10. i said ‘i want to hug andy samberg’ once and anon decided i was a predator. like yes this is so biphobic but also the way they treated me like a dangerous threat for wanting to hug a celebrity is so funny

‘i just got home from getting kidnapped for 5 days (lol long story) but seeing that you updated your fic definitely helped!’ 10/10. probably the most iconic ask i have ever gotten. also anon was serious and came back in a second ask to explain a little bit more about what happened. i hope they are living a safe happy life now 

‘not to burst your fandom bubble but my child’s middle name was in honor of my father not b99′ remember when chelsea peretti roasted me for making an inaccurate joke about how the middle name of hers and jordan peele’s child was ‘gino’ because it was like the boy version of gina? remember how she slapped me in the face and i completely deserved it for making a stupid joke? my shitposts have definitely been the death of me. will i stop? no. 10/10

‘cocaine girl do not die in that earthquake’ okay so. cocaine girl was one of the funniest commenters i have ever had the pleasure of knowing on my most popular fic. one day in her comment she said ‘there’s an earthquake happening rn hope i don’t die sskksksks’ and then she vanished. she didn’t comment for several chapters. i was super fucking worried you guys i thought she died or didn’t like my fic anymore. according to my memory she came back like weeks later in my comment section like ‘lmao yeah something hit my head during the earthquake and i was in the hospital for five days im ok now tho’ 10/10

[deltastorm101]

So, I tried to calculate Control...

... and its Epic Games deal, with the help of my certified smooth brain™ and probably incorrect sources. I started this last night hella tired and with a headache, I have finished it up today hella tired and with a headache, and this is what I produced: bullshit! :D But hey, at least double checked bullshit that’s open for discussion and contribution and expansion. Also, I probably won’t list the sources because a) I’m lazy and b) I didn’t have to dig thaaat deep down to find all this so if you really wanna know you could probably hit google with it as well. Anyhow here we go lol So, the initial thought which got all of this rolling was the 2020-wrap-up-post Remedy linked on their twitter, and Epic’s linked publishing announcement in it: studios Remedy, Playdead and GenDesign will release their next next-gen games with Epic. Now, we all know Remedy are working on some sort of Alan Wake-ish thing as we speak (right? right?? god I hope so), which meanssss our boy will most likely be an Epic exclusive. Which makes me kinda sad because, well. I’m deep in Steam’s ass. Hell, I waited for Control for a full year before I played it because they can pry the Steam version from my cold dead hands. So I asked myself... was it worth it for them? How much money did they throw at Remedy (and 505 Games) to have them play along? Would they have reached more people from the get-go if they had released it on Steam right away? Did the individual programmer, designer, writer, artist, person behind it profit from this at all? (Also, like, about the rights and copyright thing,,,,, you’d think they could have learned from Alan Wake and its IP belonging to Microsoft and so not really being able to do anything more with it because they don’t ‘own’ it and shit) buuut anyway that’s not the point of this post, now it’s time to do some MATH BABEY

Ok, let’s start with some things we know. Facts. Figures. Data. Turns out my initial question, how much money was involved, could be answered by doing one (1) google search: according to Wikipedia, Epic gave Remedy and 505 Games €9.49mio. The total budget for the game was €26.9mio over the course of 3 years of development. We know that as of December 2020, over 2mio copies of the game were sold, with November 2020 being the best-selling month ever since its initial release in August 2019. This is where question 1) comes into play: how many of those 2 million copies were sold in 2019 and how many in 2020? Stay tuned, I think I found out.

We know that Remedy gets to keep 45% of the revenue, which, I assumed, means that 505 keeps the remaining 55% (probably a lot more going on there but shhh). We know that Control’s sales cooked up €17.84mio in 2019 (so months September – December), €17.7mio of those in the first month alone (O.O). Side note: because it came out at the very end of August, I’ll ignore that month and declare September the first sales month.

We know that 60% of sales in 2019 were digital ones (aka Epic Store, mostly), 40% physical ones (consoles PS4 and XB1), while in 2020, only 10% of sales were physical and a whopping 90% digital; which is people on Epic who wanted to get their hands on the first DLC and – you guessed it – the Steam release of the Ultimate Edition in August 2020.

Which begs question 2): what’s bigger, 60% of 2019 sales because ‘ooh shiny new game’, or 90% of 2020 sales because ‘yay steam release’? The answer may look obvious, but you have to take into account the dropping price, which I also researched for your pleasure and enjoyment.

For this I used a German website called idealo.de, which focuses on looking for the best deals for basically anything you can buy on the internet, and it also gives you diagrams that describe at which point in time the product was at which exact price. This is what it gave me: - release price: €60 - December 2019: €41 (PS4)/€44 (XB1) - mid-2020: €30 - Ultimate Edition release: €30 - December 2020: €14 (PS4)/€18 (XB1)/€30 (Ultimate Editions) At this point I was like “lol hold on i need chocolate for this cuz i’ll be here for some time *sweating*”

To continue this mess™, I see more questions: 3) How many employees does Remedy have, which positions do they work in and what are their salaries? 4) How many employees does 505 have, which positions and salaries do they have? 5) What’s the total revenue that Control has generated so far?

And also some more stuff like, are my numbers accurate, am I even grasping these concepts correctly, are there even more people involved or am I just trying to explain complete crap (yes) but let’s just ignore all of that shall we. At that point I went “oh shit what have i gotten myself into, this screen does not get my point across, i need pen and paper” and you know shit is gonna go DOWN when I do math on paper.

My paper math birthed the following calculation:

Following this up, we can calculate the end-of-2019 sales, if we set the price for September and October to €60, for November and December to approx. €45:

Now, you might notice that one of those numbers is big and the other is HUGE. Why might that be? Well...

- Covid19: everyone stayed at home and needed video games to play - More sale months of the year, naturally - dropping price: why get it for €60 when you can get it for 20 - Ultimate Edition: why buy it in June when you get more content in August aaaand... - it comes out on Steam.

With this in mind, let’s see what questions we can answer: 1) 661,110 copies in 2019; 1,338,889 copies in 2020 2) 60% digital sales in 2019 means 396,666 Epic copies; 90% digital sales in 2020 means 1,205,000 copies – most of it from Steam? Some of it? A good chunk? The bigger chunk? There’s no way of really knowing for sure but... you could read this into it. I definitely am. 3) Google told me Remedy had a little over 250 employees at the end of 2019... 4) ... and 505 has less than 100. I found no good sources for this, I think linkedin said 37, someone else said 50. I’ll just use the 50 figure, idk. No idea man. and for 5) I’ll contradict my point that the Steam release is what knocked the sales out of the park and assume that the number of sold copies stayed the same across all 12 months of 2020, which gives us this:

Ok and now we’re getting into the most dangerous of danger zones because I have no idea how companies or capitalism work, so for educated people™, the remaining calculations might read like a toddler wrote them; I apologize profusely and hereby present last night’s brain vomit:

As stated earlier, development took 3 years, but everyone wanted to get paid in 2020 as well so let’s use 4 years to find out the salaries, which is 48 months. Let’s assume the utopian idea that every employee on the line here gets the exact same amount of money (LOL ikr but shhhh, let’s live out our dirtiest equality fantasies for a second ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)). Which would mean...

And now without the Epic Deal™:

Quod erat demonstrandum. Remedy has been selling their souls to Epic for €350 a month since 2017. (I don’t mean this as maliciously as I’m making it sound, don’t worry xD)

OKAY SO, O B V I O U S L Y, I have not the slightest idea what on earth I’m talking about so read this like you’d read a good fanfiction. We don’t know the different salaries across the different positions (and genders HAH), we don’t know if other parties were involved, I’ve completely ignored the sum that Epic themselves get, I have ignored taxes, I don’t know if my numbers are accurate (they’re definitely not I mean 505 must have more employees than 50), if I made mistakes (yes), and also somewhere along the way I forgot to use the €26.9mio budget figure because, uuh, I have no idea where to use it, what it means, where did it come from, where did it go, cotton eye joe - but oh well, I’m not starting over, take it or leave it.

So... I can now officially say I have written hot steamy economics fic xD Man I put waaay too much time into this but damn was it fun. Good three-hour-deep-dive (two of them spent munching on chocolate half-asleep listening to psytrance to keep my brain twitchy). Real-life-theorizing. Fuck capitalism. Don’t do drugs. Pet a cat. Wear your mask. Call your grandparents.

If there’s typos in this I’m sorry but also I’m not, I can’t be bothered to proofread again lol. Goodnight imma catch up on the sleep I lost. Gotta love full moons

[nikatyler]

End of the Year 2019

How is it the end of the year already?! It feels like yesterday when I took the pictures from the first row. Looking back at 2019, it was a weird year for me. I’ve had some of the best of times and some of the worst of times. My self-esteem was at its highest and at its lowest too. And when I think of all that has happened, this year feels both too short and too long at the same time. I’ve achieved and ruined so much.

You guys have seen a lot here, and as always, we are going to look back at it. You can check the posts for 2016 here, 2017 here and 2018 here and here. I will be doing a separate post for my favourite non-story pictures later, because there’s been a lot of them too. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE. I mean, bold of you to assume I’ll stop.

January: We started off by finishing the rose generation, which was one wild ride that I enjoyed a lot. Not pictured: the very unexpected birth of Lucian and Ross’s transformation into a vampire. I thought that’s where the story would end. I thought I’d move to the next generation and he’d be just a side character that shows up sometimes because well, he has to. Family and all that. As we all know, he’s still stealing the spotlight and not always in a...good way. But we’ll get there.

February: Gen 6. I still think Kayla is my cutest irrelevant spare. Well, a spare’s kid. The first fire accident. This one ended well, Adam saved himself. And that last picture...I don’t know, I just love when ghosts show up on the lot at night, okay. And ghost!Tyler is a whole mood.

March: Regaaaaan ♥ Quads’ storylines. The second fire accident. This one didn’t end well, but I was weak and quit without saving. I mean, I was also in the middle of a storyline. If Miracle had suddenly dropped dead, I would have had to rewrite everything, and I wasn’t into that.

April: Quads aged up and their storylines more or less wrapped up. I think we’ll be seeing less of them when the legacy comes back. We can only hope StoryProgression will be nice to them. Will and Roan though. Oh my god, these two. They weren’t supposed to do much but they played quite a role in a later storyline. I love them. Their storyline is definitely my most favourite out of all quads’ storylines. And finally, Regan leaves for Isla Paradiso.

May: Courtney and Felix got married and you still haven’t seen their baby. Whoops. Regan made friends in Isla Paradiso. I love George and Lou with my entire heart. Oh and of course, she made more than just friends there. Shit’s about to go down.

June: Shit really went down but I had so much fun working on this storyline. Just...give me strong emotions to work with and I’ll go wild. At the end of the month, I finally started posting my BPR. Did I tell you that it started off as a bitter joke? Which is ironic because they’re berry sweet sims. Okay, that wasn’t funny at all, I’m sorry.

July: More BPR. Gen 1 was quite uneventful and boring, I know, but just you wait for gen 2. It’s been done in true simmeronnie fashion, your favs aliens and fires may or may not return but you didn’t hear that from me. Anyway, yeah. Eden. Just like Ross, he’s another sim that starts off as an ass who refuses to take care of his child but then as the time goes, he changes for the better and long story short at the moment I love him even though he’s still a dick sometimes. Like when he refuses proposals. But you didn’t hear that from me either. Next up we have Gwyneth and Vanessa. I’ve said this before but Vanessa...she’s a good match for Gwyn and I’m happy they’re together, but there’s something about her that I just don’t like. For example, why the hell can’t you let go, Vanessa. Why do you have to keep holding those grudges. (says the person who holds a million irrational grudges too but ok go off ron maybe the reason why you don’t like that is because you see yourself in that) Oh and yeah, even though they’re not my favourite couple and I don’t even like one of them, they have the cutest proposal pics I’ve ever taken. Period.

August: More BPR. At this point there have been less alien jokes so they decided to come back to remind us they still exist and they still want to be my brand. Sorry my dudes, that’s probably not happening again. Oh. I started posting my BC in August. I’ll post the rest too, I promise. I’m actually almost done, I need to finish the last episode. Soon, hopefully. But yeah, BC will return. And more BPR...I love Roxanne. She’s a lot like me. She writes weird stories about aliens, likes her characters more than real people and sometimes eats weird shit for breakfast. (let’s just say my eating habits have become quite interesting ever since I moved to a dorm...)

September: Oh god, this rivalry between Eden and Vanessa...well, it’s not even a rivalry, Vanessa just hates him. “You weren’t nice to my wife? Cancelled, and no I don’t care that you’re making up for it now.” Magnolia is my favourite evil sim and I love this alliance her younger siblings have formed against her haha.

October: The moment you’ve been waiting for, NSB is back! Ross keeps wanting to hang out with Sunset, which makes me cry because it shows how far he’s come. Sunset and Dawn...when I was playing the yellow gen, I wasn’t even into them as much as I am into them now. They’re finally getting the development they deserve through the ask games. They’re the soft adorable couple that I need to balance out the overdramatic mess that said no to happily ever after...amirite Ross and Caleb? Not that it’s their fault that their happily ever after was just temporary but shhh.

November: Crystal and Claudia are born. I love these girls so much. Claudia reminds me of her grandfather in some way and because of that I’m kinda scared of what her generation will be like, but also I can’t wait to play it haha. Grandpa!Ross is a thing I didn’t know I needed. Oh and would you look at that, another fire accident.

December: This month started nicely, right? Sunset and Dawn got married...and then...then my worst fuckup of 2019 (second worst actually but we won’t be getting into the first one) happened. I didn’t include a picture of that because we don’t need to be reminded of that, do we? Instead, there’s a picture of when things were alright again. I love these two boys ;-; Please make sure they’re safe from me. I don’t care what it takes, just make sure nothing happens to them again. My heart wouldn’t take it. (says the person whose first reaction to seeing that Ross is dying was hysterical laughter but again go off sis) And finally, the family is moving into a new house. Which reminds me, I should put the old small one on the gallery. Will do that.

Thank you for a lit an amazing 2019!

Now let’s just hope that 2020 is less lit...if you know what I mean.

[roseelise]

Hurt For You // Stiles Stilinski

Reposting all my writings from @r0s3mm​, my main blog, it is not stolen or plagiarized. All my works on my masterlist are main unless stated otherwise.

Hello! Welcome to 2-h, the back up account of @r0s3mm, I’ll be posting my works on here too until (hopefully) my blog gets restored and if not this will become my main blog.

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x reader

Word Count: 1,371

Author’s note/warnings: none really

I actually hate that in 2017 i put so many gifs in my things bc I don’t have them on my computer lol

Come say “Hi!” Wattpad

Masterlist

*********************

I knew he was a few feet behind me as I turned the corner of the hallway. I hid in a room of the now empty hospital.

"Shit Scott answer!” I whispered as I tried to call my best friend for the fifth time. I shut it off when I heard a sound coming from the other side of the door. I went under the bed and tried to steady my breathing. "Ahhhhhhhh!!!!” I screamed as I felt the ghost rider pulling me from under the bed. He turned me over ready to shoot me with his gun when my instinct kicked in. I pushed him, kicking the creature in the stomach I stood up fast and run for my life. That’s when I saw Mr. Douglas. Handsome asshole. "Well isn’t my favorite student Miss (y/n)” I run up to him taking the first thing that came to my hand. A syringe. Nice … I pushed myself off the floor, after he violently threw me on the wall, and planted the needle in his neck and injected the liquid. After he fell to the floor, I tried calling Scott again. “Please Scott, Please.” I said running away. “(Y/n)?” “Thank god Scott where the hell are you ?” "I’m with Liam, where are you? “ "I just knocked out Douglas.”

“You just what?” He asked in disbelief. "I knocked the shit out of him with a syringe.” "Alright, where are you?” I could hear the smile on his voice.

“Third floor.” "Ok we’re coming!” He said, before hanging up I said a last thing.

"Any news about Stiles?” My voice was trembling. "No. Not yet” A few minutes later we were reunited at the front desk and we went around the hospital to be sure everything was okay. "Well, well.” We heard Douglas. "Not you again” I whined. "Yes me.” "We missed you so much. Group hug?” I said smiling at him. "Enough with the sarcasm (y/n)” he yelled before running towards us. Being the stupid human, I was, I ran toward him. ”(Y/n) NO!” The boys yelled. I pushed an inhuman scream when his claws hit my face. Liam ran to me while Scott fought with our teacher. "The school really should do a background check on who they are hiring. It’s getting tiring.” I said a small smile danced on my lips. Liam took away my pain and I felt bad for him. He was so young. We stood up and we noticed Parrish. Fired up. “Is it me or it’s getting hot in here” I whispered coming back to my old self, Scott sent me a look over his shoulder. The alpha looked at me like really you’re trying to be sarcastic now ? "Parrish, it’s Scott, Scott McCall, Liam Dumbar and (y/n) you know her right ? You know all of us.” He just growled before making his way to Scott. "Parrish… Please you don’t want to do this.” I said looking at him. “Jordan. Listen to me. Jordan stop this!” He turned to me and held me against him. Claws at my throat. "Nothing can stop me now. Oh and Scott by the way. You’ll do an amazing Rider. By my side.” "We will stop you.” Liam said getting really mad.

“You can’t stop me unless you got a-”

“A Stiles.” Stiles said coming out of a room and hitting Douglas on the head. “Bad guy right? I didn’t misread that?” He asked looking at Liam and Scott. Parrish had let go of me. Letting me bleed on the floor. “Oh stiles!” Scott said hugging his best friend. “Guys … Guys !!” Liam tried to warn them. “Oh, Liam it’s good to see you too.” The magnificent boy said to the beta. "Yeah you too but...” The youngest said looking at Parrish. "Shit” the boys said. “Ok you guys follow me.” Stiles said. They left while I stayed on the floor, the bleeding started to stop. When it completely stopped, I tried to stand up. “(Y/N) ??” I heard Stiles voice shouted. Right when I was completely up, he turned the corner. I felt like his eyes were staring into my soul. "Hi …” I said feeling the tears in my eyes. “Hey princess.” He said. Finally he came to me, hugging me and caressed my (y/h/c) hair. "Are you okay ? Are you hurt?” "I’m feeling so energetic right now I could run a marathon.” I panted while he cupped my face. "It’s not the time, princess.” His eyes searched my face for any other injuries.

"Are … Are you okay?”  I asked him, the unshed tears gathering in my eyes.

“I’ll live.” He said holding me up. Liam and Scott came and help Stiles put me on a bed. "You have to lift your shirt.“ Stiles announced. "What why ?” "We gotta see where you’re hurt.“ "All of you?” I sent him a disbelieving look, eyes going to the two werewolves in the room. "Ok maybe not Liam.“ "And Scott?” "Well he’s the closest thing we got to a doctor so.” ”You turn around then.“ I told him. "What ?” "What, what ? Dude I’m shy.” He did as he was asked and Scott looked at the newer and older bruises, the cuts and the broken rib. After he looked at the claw marks on my cheeks.

"Ah. That hurts” I hissed as he tried to clean the wounds.

“It’s normal (y/n). Why did you went all werewolf on him?” "I wanted to help you guys.” "Yeah by literally running towards the danger.” "Repeat that ?!“ Stiles asked coming next to us. His eyes went wide when he say my lace black bra. "Hey! Turn around.” "No. What the hell were you thinking ?” "What was I thinking?” I stood up. Scott just stayed there. My shirt on his shoulder. "You could have been killed.” "I thought about the fact that the guy I care the most for was gone for 3 months. You weren’t here for 3 fucking months !” "So what ?” "Oh my god. We had completely forgot about you, but… I still felt like something was off. Something was missing. I had to drag those fat asses everywhere just to convince them you were real.” "It doesn’t matter you could have been hurt or worst.” "What was I supposed to do? Stay put at my house and wait for them to get me? I was looking for you. You knew that when they took you and that was what scared you the most. It scared you that I was stupid enough to actually love you and search for you.” "I didn’t think you would but Christ, (y/n). Don’t you think about how I would have felt if something bad happened to you?” "You would have feel the same I felt when you were gone. I love you and you know that. We promised to have each other’s backs.” "I know we did.” "That’s what I did. So please just do one more thing for me.” "What ?” "For the love of God, would you just kiss me?” I asked desperate.

He only nodded before his lips crashed on mine.

“Are you guys done? It’s been a few minutes …” Scott asked through the door. I hadn’t noticed the time has passed so quickly. I pulled away, catching my breath as Stiles rested his forehead on mine, stealing quick kisses. “Yeah we’re coming.” I said. Just as we went out, Scoot gave me my shirt back. His smile was so wide, he pulled both of us and wrapped his arms around our shoulders. Leaving Liam behind. I went back to the boy and grabbed him by the shoulders. We all laughed. Stiles went to see Lydia to help her and i went with the pack. “I’ll see you again, ok ?” “You better, pretty boy.” I smiled at him. He pulled me back against his chest and hugged me until Lydia called us. “Would you guys stop shoving each other’s tongue inside your throats.” She laughed and Stiles left with her, sending me a wink.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Chris & Ellie Series: Episode 7

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Ellie Spencer (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: n/a

Episode Summary: This episode takes place in August 2013. Chris takes Ellie with him to a friend's wedding.

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

The Chris and Ellie series is primarily chronological.  It begins with a flash forward to 2016 and has a few other scenes in the future.  However, the majority of their story is told in chronological order starting in 2013 and going through 2017. Each episode starts with a date to help you place it within the story.

The Chris & Ellie Series Masterlist | Chris & Ellie Masterlist

Episode 6

Episode 7: The Wedding

August 16, 2013

Ellie was in the kitchen cleaning up dinner when Chris came into the room with his cell phone pressed to his ear. Not wanting to eavesdrop, she tried to block out his voice, but he was talking so loudly that it was difficult.

"You promised to go with me, Scott," he said into the phone. "What the hell am I supposed to do now? I hate going to these things alone… You're right, you're right, work comes first… Ellie?"

Ellie looked up at the mention of her name and found Chris looking at her.

"Yeah, I supposed it wouldn't hurt to ask her," Chris said into the phone. "I know, Scott…. I just wish you'd given me more notice that's all… I promise I will ask her, she is actually staring at me right now…. Yes, I will let you know if you are off the hook."

Curious, Ellie waited until Chris pulled the phone from his ear and hit the 'end' button.

"So," he said, casually. "What are the chances you have this weekend off from the bookstore?"

"Depends on what you need me to do," Ellie replied, crossing her arms.

"Scott was supposed to go with me to a wedding in Palm Springs this weekend," Chris explained. "But he just called to tell me that they need him here in LA for reshoots. So I was hoping you were available to go to the wedding with me as my, uh, date."

"You were going to take your brother to a wedding as your date?" Ellie teased, unable to stop herself.

"Funny," Chris replied, rolling his eyes. "I RSVP'd with a plus one and I can't go to this thing by myself. If I do, women tend to think I am free game and won't leave me alone."

"So it's less date and more personal bodyguard?" she theorized. She wasn't sure if she was up to the task of protecting Chris from the aforementioned 'women', but she wouldn't be a friend if she made him go by himself.

"You're going to make me beg, aren't you?" he said with a sigh.

"Well, now that you mention it," she smirked, curious to see how far this would go.

"You truly are evil," Chris muttered as his phone dinged alerting him to a text message. A smile spread across his face as he read his brother's text. He shot a quick 'thanks' in reply then turned his attention back to Ellie. "Before you make me beg, the resort the wedding is at has a full service day spa. The wedding is tomorrow night and Scott had scheduled himself a massage that they won't let him cancel. It's fully paid for. If you come with me, the massage is yours."

Ellie scrunched up her face as she realized her gig was up and the cocky grin on Chris's face told her he knew it, too. "Alright, I'm in," Ellie sighed, after a moment, reaching her hand across the island to shake Chris's.

"You're the best," Chris said with a smile.

"What does one wear to a Palm Springs resort?" Ellie asked.

Chris took in her cutoff jean shorts and her hot pink racer back tank top and said, "Definitely not that."

"What? You mean you don't think this is a classy look?" Ellie asked. She did a slow turn and caught Chris's eyes bouncing from her ass to her face. "See something you like?" The words slipped from her mouth before she realized it and she felt her face heat up as she watched Chris's do the same. "Oh my God, don't answer that."

"In the sake of all honesty, you have a nice ass," Chris confessed, unable to stop himself. "I noticed it that first day we met."

"Yeah, well you have a nice cock." Ellie's eyes widened as the words registered in her head and she slapped her hand over her mouth as Chris let out a roar of laughter.

"That is the best come back I have ever heard," Chris said, wiping the tears from his eyes as he laughed.

"I'm glad you think so, meanwhile, I'm ready to go bury myself under the blankets of my bed and never leave," Ellie replied. She couldn't believe the words had left her mouth; true as they were or not.

"It's ok, honestly," Chris said, attempting to calm himself. "It's been like five months, we should be able laugh about it by now…"

"I suppose you're right," Ellie replied. "It was pretty funny when you think about it." She giggled as she remembered the paper towels. "The fact that you grabbed the -"

"Paper towels when there was a newspaper right there, yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom loves that part of the story too."

"How are we going to do this?" Ellie asked, sobering. "Like what are we telling people this weekend if they ask how we met."

"We'll keep it simple, you're my friend and you came as my date," Chris replied. "Keep it simple. We met through a mutual friend."

"There isn't going to be any paparazzi there, right? I mean, am I going to have to worry about them posting my picture somewhere with the caption 'Chris Evans dates mystery brunette with fake boobs' the next time I go to the grocery store?"

"It's not an industry wedding," Chris said with a chuckle. "So no, there shouldn't be any paparazzi. In fact, the resort we are going to is well protected so we should be fine."

"Ok, good," Ellie nodded. "I didn't want to have to defend myself to the cashier about my boobs being real."

"Should the situation present itself, I'd be happy to take a feel and confirm they're real, to defend your honor and all that," Chris said, earning him a glare from Ellie. "Too soon?"

"Too soon," Ellie said with a nod. "Now if you'll excuse me. I have some packing to do and I have to see if I can find someone to watch -"

"Scott said he'd stay here tomorrow night," Chris cut her off. "He also doesn't have to be on set until noon, so he'll check on Daisy before then."

"Perfect," Ellie replied. "I'll bring her kennel into the house in the morning. What time do I need to be ready?"

"9ish? Your massage is at noon, so leaving at 9 would give you time to get settled in your room first."

"Sounds good, I'll see you in the a.m."

With Daisy following her, Ellie went out to the guesthouse and opened her closet to pick out her most resort appropriate clothing. She selected the brand new dress she'd purchased when shopping with her sisters and then grabbed nice clothes from the back of her closet that she hadn't worn since she'd first moved to LA. She quickly tried them on and was pleasantly surprised when they still fit and actually felt a little looser than she remembered.

Not wanting to fold her nice clothes, she put them all under a dry cleaning plastic cover and then proceeded to fill her medium sized rolling suitcase with everything she thought she might need. It was nearly midnight by the time she lifted Daisy up onto the bed and climbed in after her.

When her alarm went off seven hours later, she sprung from her bed and took a quick shower. She waited until after she'd carried Daisy's kennel up to the main house before she put on her navy blue dress with striped top. She then made sure all the lights were off in the guesthouse before grabbing her purse, suitcase and the clothes that were hanging and carrying them up to the main house.

Chris came into the kitchen shortly after eight wearing a pair of khaki dress pants and a navy blue shirt that matched her outfit perfectly. He was carrying a hanging luggage bag and stopped short when he saw Ellie's stuff piled next to the table. "You do remember we are only going to be gone for one night, right?" he said, fighting back his laughter.

"Shut up," Ellie retorted, pushing her naturally curly hair out of her face. Spotting Chris's hanging luggage bag she asked, "I don't suppose you have another one of those…"

"You can just add 'em to mine," Chris replied. He unzipped it and held it open for her to add her stuff.

"Thanks," Ellie replied. "Want eggs for breakfast?"

"Sure, I'll get the coffee going," Chris offered.

An hour later, they were in Chris's car and pulling out of the driveway. They argued all the way to the freeway as to what music to play and Ellie finally convinced him to listen to one of her random car mixes.

After about thirty minutes of country songs and 90's boybands, Chris reached over and lowered the volume. "How about we just talk," he suggested.

"About what?" Ellie replied as she switched to a different playlist on her phone. She reached over to turn the volume back up, but had her hand swatted away.

"How about sports? I know you like baseball. Do you like anything?"

"I love football," she said with a grin. "I can't wait for the season to start."

"Really?" He cocked his eyebrow and glanced at her. "Who's your team?"

"Depends, are you asking college or NFL?"

"Do you have a preference?"

"I like college better, because every year you have new players and every 3 to 4 years, there is a major change over."

"Far enough. Who's your college team?"

"The Oregon Ducks, of course. Fun fact, our mascot, Puddles, is Donald Duck's alter ego."

"Uh huh, sure."

"No, I'm serious. One of our former Athletic Directors in the 1940's knew a Disney cartoonist and through him got a meeting with Walt Disney himself," Ellie stated. "There is a picture of Walt wearing an Oregon Ducks jacket. They changed the mascot costume a little, a few years ago, but all the Puddles branded stuff is Donald Duck."

"Given that that was a lot of information in like sixty seconds, I'm just going to believe you," Chris said with a chuckle. "Do you have an NFL team?"

"Of course I do. I'm a Northwest girl so it's obviously the Seahawks. I know you're a Pats fan, though."

"What gave it away?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Obviously not the Patriots shit you have all over the house," she said shaking her head. "I guess I'm just glad you don't like the Cowboys."

"Likewise."

From football their conversation moved to sports they played as kids then to childhood memories and everything in between while music played quietly in the background. It made the two and a half hour drive pass quickly; especially when traffic slowed to a crawl in certain places.

"Holy shit," Ellie gasped as she caught sight of the mission style resort. "This place is gorgeous."

"It belongs to the bride's family," Chris said. "The groom was one of my first roommates here in California."

Pulling up to the entrance, Chris and Ellie's doors were opened for them by resort staff. Chris was given a ticket for the valet service while Ellie supervised the other staff member pulling their luggage out of the trunk.

They made their way into the lobby and were greeted by a third staff member. "Good morning," she said, greeting them. "Can I get you two something to drink before I check you in?"

"No, I think we're good, thanks though," Chris replied.

"Follow me please." She led them over to the check in desk and asked Chris his name. "Ah, yes, I see your reservation here. It's an excellent room overlooking the golf course."

"One room?" Ellie asked in surprise.

"There must be a mistake," Chris told the lady. "There should be two rooms."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Evans, but there is only one room with a king size bed reserved under your name," the woman replied.

"But you have other rooms available, right?" Ellie asked her.

"No, Miss, I apologize, but we are fully booked this weekend," the lady replied.

"Can you give us a minute to talk?" Chris asked her.

"Of course," the woman replied, her smile not quite reaching her eyes.

"Now what?" Ellie asked as she and Chris moved away from the check-in desk. "There's nothing else out this way."

"I know," Chris replied. "We just shared a bed two weeks ago, are you opposed to doing it again?"

"I don't think we have any other options," Ellie sighed.

Walking back to the counter, Chris finished the checking in process and then he and Ellie were led to their second floor room by a bellhop.

The room was of modest size with a large king bed taking up most of it. The attached bathroom had a full glass shower, a separate tub and two sinks. The best feature, however, was the wall of windows that separated the small balcony from the rest of the room and looked out over the beautiful green golf course.

"I don't feel like we're in southern California anymore," Ellie muttered after the bellhop had left. "It's so green."

"You're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy," Chris teased as he opened the patio door and they stepped out into the warm air. "Gah, heat like this makes me miss Boston."

"All this green makes me miss Oregon," Ellie agreed. "This heat is atrocious. I feel my hair getting bigger already."

Chris snickered and stole a look at her before nodding his head. "It's definitely doing something…"

"Fuck, I may have to squeeze in a hair appointment today, too," Ellie grumbled. "You got any more of that Grant money I saw you hand the bellhop? You know, in case they don't take pity on me in the spa by the mere appearance of my hair?"

"Since you're helping me out this weekend, yes, I can give you some money," Chris replied with a shake of his head. "Can we go back inside now?"

Thirty minutes later, Ellie left the room with her room key, a small bag of supplies and extra money in her purse. The spa was easy to find and the receptionist took one look at her hair, asked if she was here for the wedding and quickly ushered her into a stylist's chair.

The stylist applied a product to Ellie's hair then wrapped her hair up before she was escorted to one of the private changing rooms. She took off her clothes and put on a thick terry cotton robe then grabbed the key to the changing room before being led to the massage table.

By the time she returned to her and Chris's room, two hours later, she was completely relaxed from her massage and the hot shower that had followed. The stylist had whipped her hair into submission and, for the first time in her life, she actually had bouncy curls! She'd even had her makeup and her nails done. She'd felt like she was floating during the entire walk back to the room.

"Wow," Chris said when he looked from when where he was laying on the bed. "You look nice."

"Thanks," Ellie replied. Catching sight of herself in the large mirror on the way, she swung her hair and giggled.

"Either you've already started drinking or the spa is experimenting with personality transplants," Chris laughed.

"I may have had a mimosa or two," Ellie smiled as she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "But look, Chris, look at my hair. It's never looked this good before! Gus, the hair stylist, is a God. There is no other way to describe him."

"It looks good," Chris agreed. Truthfully, he liked her hair in its wild natural form or pulled back in a ponytail. He liked her down to earth spunkiness. "But I'm guessing that this means you don't want to spend the next two hours down at the pool."

"Gus said to stay away from water," Ellie replied. "So that's a definite no."

With a couple hours to kill, they channel surfed until they found a preseason NFL game featuring two teams neither of them cared about, but they watched since it was football.

When they were down to the final thirty minutes, Chris went into the bathroom to take a quick shower while Ellie stayed in the main part of the room to get dressed. By the time Chris left the bathroom dressed and ready to go, all Ellie needed was for him to zip up the back of her dress.

"What are you doing?" she demanded as she saw Chris reaching for his plain black baseball cap. "You're not wearing that."

"Ellie, come on, I'm trying to be incognito, remember?"

"Wearing a baseball hat with a suit is not the way to remain incognito at a formal wedding," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Just wear your sunglasses and keep your head down."

"You're the boss," Chris replied, holding up his hands defensively.

"And don't you forget it," Ellie smirked. She watched as he grabbed his sunglasses and slipped them on. "Perfect! Let's go."

They made their way down to the outdoor ceremony and took two seats in the very last row that had been reserved for them.

"How many people are here?" Ellie whispered.

"500?" Chris guessed as he looked out over the crowd. Half of them were seated on an upper patio while the rest were in a grassy area.

"Do you know anyone other than the bride and the groom?" Ellie asked.

"The groom, Ray, and I were two of five roommates," Chris replied. "So I suspect our other roommates are here. As for Kady's guests, I don't know anyone."

They stopped talking as Ray and the officiant walked to the front of the audience and took their positions. Fourteen pairs of bridesmaids and groomsmen made their way down the aisle before the bride appeared with her father.

After the ceremony ended, the wedding party was escorted away for photos while the guests were excused to the cocktail hour. Servers made their way through the crowd with appetizers and custom drinks created by the bride and groom for the wedding.

Chris and Ellie found a quiet table along the edge of the party and relaxed as they people watched. Spotting a group of six walking towards them, Ellie nudged Chris and pointed.

A smile spread across Chris's face as he recognized his three other roommates and their beautiful wives. One by one he gave them each a hug and then introduced them to Ellie. "This is Ellie," he told them. "Ellie, this is Chucky and Tanya Kelley, Bryant and Gloria Gomez and Brock and Tessa Alexander."

"Hi," Ellie said with an awkward wave to the six strangers in front of her.

"So how did this one convince you to come to this festive event?" Chucky asked as he put Chris in a pretend headlock. "Just blink twice if you're not here by your own choosing."

"Shut the fuck up, Chuck," Chris said, elbowing his friend in the gut. "Ellie is just a friend doing me a favor because Scott had a conflict."

"Alright, friend Ellie, how did you meet this guy?" Chucky asked as he gave Chris a playful push.

"Mutual friends," Ellie replied, giving her best poker face as she tried to come up with a better answer. "We both love Red Sox baseball and football and they thought we'd get along great."

"Of course, C.E. would find a girl, sorry, a friend, that loves football," Brock chuckled. "Has he told you about his annual NFL kickoff party? It's a blast."

"No," Ellie said, looking at Chris with raised eyebrows. "He hadn't mentioned anything about a party…"

"We'll have something to talk about on the way home," Chris said with a forced chuckle.

A voice came over the speaker system inviting everyone to make their way to the dinner area.

"Saved by the bell," Bryant teased Chris.

"A kickoff party?" Ellie hissed to Chris as they followed the other three couples.

"It's usually a potluck style," Chris replied. "I usually supply the drinks and chips."

"Still," Ellie said, forcing a smile on her lips as she realized they were sitting at a table with his friends.

As they reached the table, Chris pulled her chair out for her and then pushed it back in once she was seated.

"So," Ellie said, leaning in. "You guys have known this one for a while. I'm sure you have lots of hilarious stories to share." She tossed Chris a grin.

"We're in public," Chris said, shaking his head. "Keep in clean."

Chris's friends shared stories as they ate the delicious five course meal. By the time they'd finished eating, they were all a little tipsy from their drinks and their faces hurt from laughing. Even Chris had joined in on the storytelling, dragging his friends down with him.

They all quieted down as the bride and groom shared their first dance as husband and wife. That dance was followed by the other traditional dances, but soon the lead singer of the live band invited everyone out on top the dance floor to work off their dinner.

Ellie had assumed she and Chris would sit out on the dancing, but his friends wouldn't allow it. She quickly found herself being pulled out onto the dancefloor with her hand clutched in Chris's. The first few dances were lively and upbeat, but then it switched to a slow song.

Before she and Chris had a chance to escape the dance floor, they were pushed together. After moving their hands from the awkward spots they had landed, they repositioned themselves so they were in a basic slow dance hold, with her hands resting on his shoulders and his hands on her waist.

As soon as the song was done, Chris grabbed her hand and made a beeline off the dance floor. Ellie laughed as he pulled her over to the bar and it was as they were leaving with drinks that they ran into the bride and groom. Chris introduced Ellie to them and, in the few minutes they spent with them, Ellie could tell that they were as genuine and sweet as Chris's other friends.

An hour or so later, their group sat at their table listening to the speeches being made by the wedding party and various other people. The toasts were immediately followed by the bride and groom cutting the cake and then the servers delivered small, personal-sized cakes to everyone.

By the time they'd finished eating their dessert, it was nearly midnight and the long day was starting to catch up to Chris and Ellie. They said their goodbyes to Chris's friends and then took one of the golf cart shuttles back to the main building where they were staying.

After Chris helped Ellie unzip the back of her dress, she went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she exited fifteen minutes later, she was wearing one of the hotel's fluffy white robes over her matching camisole and short pajamas.

While Chris was in the bathroom, Ellie admired her hair in the mirror, amazed that it still looked fantastic after so many hours. She was beginning to think that Gus the hairstylist was a magician.

Not ready to climb into the bed yet, Ellie grabbed her phone and sat down on the end of the chaise lounge. She laid back against the soft fabric and wondered if she shouldn't just sleep there with her hair cascading over the side.

When Chris came out of the bathroom, he shook his head and asked, "Are you coming to bed soon?"

"I think I'm going to sleep right here," Ellie replied, moving her head slightly so the still bouncy curls swayed over the edge of the arm. "Keep my hair from getting messed up."

"You are not sleeping on that thing," Chris said firmly. "You'll hurt your neck."

"But my hair looks so good, Chris!" Ellie pouted.

"Ellie -" He stopped when he realized he didn't know her middle name. "What's your middle name?"

"Elaine," she replied with a yawn.

"You're name is Ellie Elaine?"  he asked, confused.

"No, Ellie is short for Elaine. My first name is Sarah," she explained.

"So why don't you go by Sarah?" he inquired.

"Because that was my grandma's name and she went by Sarah."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense," Chris replied. "What were we talking about again?"

"I believe you were getting ready to threaten me," Ellie stated.

"Oh right," Chris nodded. He cleared his throat and then in a stern voice said, "Sarah Elaine, you're not sleeping on that thing. I will carry you to the bed if I have to and I will lay on top of you to make you stay."

Ellie sat up and stared at Chris in shock. "You do realize you would crush me if you laid on top of me, right?" she asked.

"Oh, right," Chris said. "Well, I'd find some way to restrain you to the bed."

"Fine," Ellie sighed as she forced herself up. "Have it your way."

While she got into the bed, Chris adjusted the air conditioning of the room, turning it to a lower temperature. He then grabbed an extra blanket from the closet and tossed it to Ellie. He knew she liked to sleep in a cold room, like he did, but he'd learned that she was a bit of a blanket hog.

Climbing into the bed, Chris turned off the lights and pulled the blankets up to his chin. He heard Ellie rustling around next to him and waited for her to get settled before his closed his eyes.

Hours later, he awoke to her long hair fanned out across his face. Brushing it away, he looked over and saw that she was lying on her side facing him. Sometime during the night they had moved from their respective edges to the middle of the bed where a mere foot or so separated them from each other.

Unable to fall back to sleep, he watched her. He loved that her hair had returned to its natural form sometime during the night and it surround her like a lion's mane.

"Stop staring at me, you creeper," she mumbled.

Chris couldn't help but laugh.

Episode 7.25

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[shidiand]

How do you imagine Tenco's Story ending in your head?

that is a GREAT but UNEXPECTED QUESTION freshlybaked "spider" bread and i'm really happy to have the opportunity to try and answer this ageless question that has burned within all of us in the tenco's story iv waiting room community since 2013. it is an incredible coincidence (or is it? 👀) that i was just talking to Risa about tenco's this (edit: yesterday) morning so i am extra double super in the mood to talk about Tenco's Story today. so excellent of a coincidence is this that i am tempted to refer you to them in case you wanted to hear their thoughts on the matter that would probably turn out super cool, but that is neither here nor there; let us talk Tenco's Story.

i of course must mention my unadvertised and modestly detailed commentary on tenco's i-iii at https://shidiand.tumblr.com/tencos, presenting slightly interesting facts in an unwieldy and difficult-to-use format, but as it dates back to june 2017, i want to take some time to understand my feelings about the series once more.

tenco's story is a series that has a lot of meaning to me.

i took on my current name of shidiand in november of 2013. i was still in 11th grade at the time, 4th year of high school, and a very socially isolated person. i should say i was introduced to touhou in 7th grade, 2010, so i was still working through a 3 years-strong phase of trying to simultaneously both find an outlet for and bottle up an endless wellspring of awkward weeaboo-gamer nerd energy at the time.

i had my first real foray onto the internet in 2010, tried out twitter, followed some RPers and other people who had Cool Touhou Usernames. didn't really go anywhere. i had maybe 50 followers, i dont really know the count but it was definitely a) double digits and b) pretty low. didn't know what to tweet about. didn't know how to hit it off with others. i think there was basically maybe only 3 other people i ever properly interacted with. oh shit i was playing league of legends at the time. oh my god. i really did play league of .. oh my god. let's move on.

aw shit im super digressing amn't i. well.

this is just how it goes when i write essays on tumblr.com.

i'm afraid you're just along for the ride at this point so please do your best to enjoy it.

i got kind of tired of twitter at the time because i didnt know what to do with it. didnt know how to interact with people and didnt find the people i was following interesting, so i ghosted on out of there by the end of 2012. didnt deactivate it until like 2015 but at that point that was just burning away my dark history. anyways. november 2013.

--im taking a lot of time here trawling through old files on my computer, my tumblr blog, notification emails still lying around in my gmail inbox from twitter, the dropbox i didn't actually use but it had several tenco's story pictures on it but i deleted them so this was useless, ... to trace the timeline of this story and im really seeing a lot of remnants of dark history here you know? did you know i wrote a letter to a girl i had a crush on valentine's day 2014, slipped it into her locker, and anxiously hung around nearby at lunchtime to see how she reacted at lunchtime? i certainly didn't, or at least i made darn ass sure to forget about this incredible virgin incident and not remember it, ever, until i came across the records of it that i thoughtfully preserved for the me of 5 years later today. ok well now i have to read the letter to see if it was as bad as it just sounded there brb

ok so the good news is that it was actually very focused on being positive and full of admiration for the cool things she did instead of being a confession letter so i am very glad i was able to be a respectful chad 5 years ago, but the bad news is that the jokes, the actual sentences i put together. oh my god. but i mean. well. at least i got the spirit. its certainly a step up from this other person in my grade, WEEABOO ANDREW, YOU MAY RECALL THIS STORY AND HIS NAME FROM PREVIOUS STORYTIMES, THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND who came to school on halloween once cosplaying kirito from sword art online and got very possessive about people asking if they could hold his black replica plastic sword, and probably worse, dropped a "will you be my girlfriend" letter into the locker of my homie and fellow trombonist samantha, who was a little bit nerdy, hung out with the anime-likers who were actually sociable and fun to be around so you can imagine why weeaboo andrew was into her, which had i) a direct quotation from SAO chapter 16.5 (origin of the famous "glopping noise" line), and ii) a condom. jesus christ. i dont want to talk about this any more. next topic.

i also put this drawing of iku nagae and her skarmory (actually an albinoss from 18 DRAGONS) on the other side of the letter because it was the coolest thing i could think of drawing at the time. and i completely agree with 2014 me because it IS super fucking cool. hell fuckin yeah

https://shidiand.tumblr.com/post/76301993387/iku-nagae-ft-that-thing-that-supposedly-is-a

alright that was a fun little trip down memory lane but lets get back on track. november 2013. i started anew as shidiand. still awkward, still learning how to express myself and looking for my place among others. i followed some touhou bloggers, hung around r/touhou a lot as well. in december i got my first tablet for christmas, a wacom bamboo splash. i still use this thing! the usb cable disconnects if you bump it so i have to find just the perfect position to sit in whenever i want to draw, but its served me well. anyways. i was just starting to play around with digital art but i remember, probably just before new years, for some reason i wanted to find out more about tenshi hinanawi (i don't remember why. tenshi wasn't even one of my favourite characters at the time) so i went googling and right there on zerochan i found this:

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23525572

this was during my dark souls phase so i just went BANANAS at the sight of this. this was literally the coolest image i had ever seen in my internet life. That image alone made me want to draw in hopes that I could make something as cool as that someday.

it wasn't immediately after but i soon discovered tenco's story, and it was love. kannnu was my very first artistic inspiration, and for a long time, my only one. i absolutely idolized them at the time. since then, ive found other artists to look up to, in a more healthy manner, but to this day i still look up to kannnu, still admire their work a lot.

i played around with drawing, followed the lives of people on tumblr, started reading touhou fanfiction, made a new twitter. i met a lot of new people along the way. some people i havent stuck with, some i cut ties with, and some people i still keep in contact with today. over those long 5 years of being shidiand, i found a name (i used to use shidian and then shid, but someone called me shidi once and i realized that was a lot better), how to reach out to others, how to express myself, places that i could feel included in. this is why i owe a blood debt to evelyn, who permitted me to kneel at her throne and was like "yea ok you can join my discord server u seem cool". evelyn, if you were confused by me ominously mentioning this blood debt/blood oath in a tumblr reply 1-2 years ago, this is the context. those 5 years were like a coming of age of sorts, that i never had when i was in high school.

and my love for tenco's story, that inspired me to draw that day, has been with me since almost the very beginning of my time as shidiand. from the beginning, i have always encouraged people to READ TENCO'S STORY, like the kin of those who cry PLAY MELTY or WATCH SYMPHOGEAR. i think my very first sidebar description was something akin to a prayer, written in very choral language, hoping for the day tenco's story iv was completed, ..., "meanwhile, furious shitposting". kannnu's work, finding delight in whatever they chose to draw, has been at my side, all along. my true mentor, my guiding moonlight...

so that's why i still to this day love tenco's story so much.

let's talk about tenco's story.

tenco's story is a story told through single pictures. the plot is vague, and details are sparse. dialogue is rare. we only know what has happened; we seldom know why. furthermore, there are many gaps between scenes that the reader is left to fill in for themselves; we see only snapshots that form an hazy outline of the events that occurred, and must imagine the rest. motivations and explanations fail me. but even with a barebones plot, tenco's story has themes, and if nothing else, those have to be carried through.

the main theme, of course, is journey and travel, but there are also other ideas, too. i actually think they start to change as the series goes on:

book i, where tenshi runs away from home, is about striking out on your own. it's a very fun and unpredictable journey, together with a friend.

book ii, where tenshi and iku are separated, forces tenshi to find and rely on companions of her own even more. but they do so, and they are able overcome hardships, and there is food and festival.

book iii marks a climax, reasserting tenshi's goal of finding the sword of hisou. i feel like the journey shifts from a travel (visiting) to a path forwards (making your way through). perhaps this is just something i get from knowing the locations from dark souls (Anor Londo, New Londo Ruins, the Great Hollow), but the locations start to give more of a sense of verticality, like they're emphasizing tenshi's climb to the summit. the hardships and enemies are the greatest they've been yet, and right when they near the top, tenshi and iku start to bleed. the book ends on an uncertain note.

if i had to describe the type of journey and travel that tenshi and iku undertake, there's this sense of wonder at discovering new places, wandering from vista to vista in delight, but also a sense of conquering, making it through a difficult patch. the sequence from pages 2-44 to 2-51, taken together, convey this sense of overcoming the best. it's one of my favourite parts. again, although the tone definitely starts to lean towards struggle in book iii, i think tenco's sense of wonder really is the heart of the series. there's no map of the world, no predicting where tenshi and iku will end up next. and through their travels, though they come across many enemies, they also find friends -- places of refuge, places full of life, people who will look after them for a few days, companions who will stay with them for the rest of the journey. at the end of book iii, we see a long haired tenshi with purple hair being impaled by the sword of hisou (3-33, see also this extra illustration that risa pointed out to me http://sinnnkai.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-195.html), and regular short haired tenshi continuing on her journey (3-42). if we ignore the out-of-story images where tenshi has the sword of hisou, tenshi has actually only ever used her sunlight blade (2-24, 3-26, etc), so i think that the long haired tenshi on 3-33 is a different person altogether. (if i had to guess, she might be the purple haired woman in the top left of https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35443328 as we have never seen that woman appear anywhere.) she probably has something to do with the flashbacks at the end of book ii and she might somehow be short-haired tenshi at the same time, but this is just speculation.

however, in 3-43, tenshi's hair is rather blue, so i don't know if this is the purple haired woman or not. if it is, tenshi is probably still fine and closing in on the summit, but if it isn't, then it's very worrying to see a picture of tenshi without any of her companions. it's very ominous.

meanwhile, iku, while climbing the red carpeted corridor, is stabbed, and disappears for a few pages. there's a black page, a shot of a shrine that strongly resembles the hakurei shrine, and a picture of iku standing behind someone in a tux, with the line "In the past, I was saved by the lady I was serving, you see?". and then iku wakes up in a field of flowers.

i think what this scene makes clear is a theme that has continued to appear and reappear throughout every book of "being saved, being aided by someone's kindness".

i think another theme that is implied and has to be addressed by this story of running away from home is "return". something im imagining is that the reason tenshi makes finding the sword of hisou her goal is because she wants to have something to prove herself with, to vindicate her when she comes home. but i don't think she needs to prove anything, and i ultimately think that she would be happier spending the rest of her life exploring.

so i think this should be what happens in the ending.

open on iku's journey, and give her a long sequence of travel without seeing tenshi. underline her newfound resolve. she climbs to the summit with albinoss, and finds the rest of tenshi's companions fallen. and in the last room is sword of hisou tenshi, who has lost herself, and it comes down to iku to bring her back. after a difficult battle, when both of them are on their last legs, iku is unable to stand any longer. but at this moment tenshi sees her companions struggling to get back up and reach her, and that's what brings her to her senses. and iku gets to see how many friends tenshi's been able to make on her own, and they finally and properly reunite. together, tenshi and iku carry each other out of the last room.

i don't think it's necessary to return to heaven. as a conclusion, dedicate some time to tenshi and iku travelling together. they're on their way back, revisiting old friends who helped them along the way, enjoying the journey. their last stop is the house of the elderly nawis (1-42). tenshi shows off the sword of hisou; she decided to keep it not as a trophy to show her family but as proof of the bonds of her companions. surrounded by friends, tenshi and iku decide to part ways with each other, knowing that the other will be alright. iku drifts among the clouds once more, and tenshi sets off for the horizon.

that's the plot that i'd write/just wrote. i don't really expect tenco's story iv to ever come out, though. i mentioned my first sidebar description earlier in this essay, but of course, you can see that it's been changed. 2 years ago, i read my hopeful prayer once more and was struck with a terrible melancholy, so now it reads this: "having come to terms with the fact that tenco's story iv will never be released, i can still live, knowing that the spirit of the journey will live on through kannnu's original works [...] meanwhile, furious shitposting".

on one level, tenco's story is a story, but in the process of following it, i came to think of the work itself as a journey too. you can constantly see kannnu's improvement between and even within each book. they have always drawn whatever they liked; what plot matters in the face of "I wanted to draw a beautiful sky." "I wanted to draw a fantastic battle." "I wanted to draw Dark Souls and Monster Hunter and Pokemon and Brave Fencer Musashi and Bokura no Taiyou and Touhou."

its not really kannnu's style to go back and tie up old ends. they just draw whatever makes them happy. so as i watch them continue to draw beautiful places and fantastic creatures, new characters heading out on journeys of their own or just enjoying their everyday lives, it's as if tenco's story never ended. the limits and consistency of that world ignored, and a new one springs up; in a way, the world of tenco's, which had such thin boundaries, just gets bigger.

but even so, having said all that, i still see them draw that short-haired tenshi from time to time. it makes me happy to see them remember tenco's story with such fondness. often crossing over with orion or roar or elweiss, you can see tenshi on another journey.

[welovekpopscenarios]

You have received a message (Yoongi x Reader)

Admin: Mimi

Description: Just your daily texts between yourself and Yoongi, two people who love each other to the moon and back – you’re just too blind to see it.

Fandom: BTS

Genre: Angst, fluff

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Warnings: language

Word Count: 3512

Authors Note: So, this was a fic I had started a while back, but only got to finishing now. I love Yoongi so, so fucking much and I really wanted to write something for him, and I also wanted to try something interesting with writing, so you have this weird texting format (since I’m not cool enough to make the actual fake text pics lmao). I hope it isn’t too hard to understand the names of each person messaging. Now that I think about this, this is kinda a mess lol, it seems kinda rushed to me, but I didn’t know any other way to pace it? but I figured if I never posted it, it’ll just sit there on my computer. So, I hope you enjoy regardless of what a trainwreck this is, and happy reading.

EDIT: This fic is better suited to be read on a computer, since it didn’t come out the best on mobile, but I hope that doesn’t ruin your experience!

 - MOBILE VERSION -

Usernames

Reader: memekween               pepeswife

Yoongi: suga daddy               gramps               Yoongs

Namjoon: Music Man

Jin: jinandjuice

Jhope/Hoseok: Hobo

Jimin: Jiminy Cricket               ChimChim

Taehyung: Tea☕

Jungkook: jungcock

                                      You have received a message

                                                   7th May 2017

(09:06pm)

memekween: hey hey suga daddy

                                                                   suga daddy: please don’t call me that

memekween: but u are my suga daddy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

                                                                   suga daddy: please don’t send that                                                                                              face either

                                                                   suga daddy: what do you want

memekween: wow

memekween: r00d

memekween: I was gonna ask if you wanted to hang out with the most amazing person in this world

memekween: out of the goodness of my heart

memekween: but I don’t need this abuse smh

                                                                   suga daddy: do you even realise                                                                                                  what time it is?

memekween: yes

memekween: and?

                                                                   suga daddy: it’s late and I’m busy

memekween: busy doing nothing?

                                                                   suga daddy: exactly

memekween: ugh

memekween: I just wanted to know if you wanted to get some food

                                                                   suga daddy: ah, so you just want to                                                                                            use my money for food

memekween: not exactly

memekween: who do you take me for? lmao

memekween: I also wanted to chat to my bestest friend in the whole wide world

memekween: cuz guess who got dumped today :DDD

memekween: hint – is ya girl

                                                                   suga daddy: fuck

                                                                   suga daddy: you ok?

memekween: yeah, I’m fine

memekween: kinda saw it coming, we weren’t working well

memekween: at least it was only a month together, you know?

memekween: could have been worse

memekween: it just sucks, I guess

memekween: I kinda liked him

                                                                   suga daddy: my shoes are on

                                                                   suga daddy: I assume you’re at                                                                                                  home

                                                                   suga daddy: get ready

memekween: thank youuuu

memekween: I love you

                                                                  suga daddy: sure

memekween: take me somewhere fancy

                                                                  suga daddy: I’m taking you to burger                                                                                           king

memekween: fine dining ( ͡°Ɛ ͡°) only the best from you

                                                                  suga daddy: I really hate those faces

memekween: send one to me

memekween: experience the power of the lenny face meme

                                                                  suga daddy: no

memekween: pleaseeeee??? I’m feeling sad rn…

                                                                  suga daddy: ( ° ͜ʖ͡°)╭∩╮

memekween: a lenny face in true yoongi fashion

memekween: thank you

                                                                  suga daddy: whatever, I’m leaving                                                                                               now

                                                                  suga daddy: see you in a few

memekween: see you, yoongi

(Read 09:13pm)

                     You have received a message in the group chat

                                                  ‘we dem boiiiizz’

                                                    21st May 2017

Jiminy Cricket: Hey guys! Do you guys wanna go bowling next weekend?

Jiminy Cricket: I just realised we haven’t done anything as a group in a while

Jiminy Cricket: I thought it would be a nice idea 😊

Hobo: Yeah, I’d be up for it!

Tea☕: Yeah, me too :D

Music Man: Sure

jinandjuice: This could be fun!

pepeswife: coolio, chimchim 😊

                                                                  gramps: eh

jungcock: sounds cool, I’m in

                                                                  gramps: ok I’m definitely not going                                                                                        now

Hobo: Me either bye I’m busy doing anything else that day

Tea☕: Same, I suddenly have plans

pepeswife: woops I’ve to water my bread, or smth of that nature

pepeswife: sorry, can’t make it

Music Man: LMAO

jinandjuice: Omg

jungcock: what? Wtf

Jiminy Cricket: C’mon guys…

pepeswife: I’m not going if junglebook is going

jungcock: wtf why? What the hell did I do??

                                                                  gramps: you’re competitive as shit

pepeswife: yeah, and you always win

Tea☕: it’s not gonna be fun for the rest of us

jungcock: I can’t help it that I’m good at everything ‎😏

Hobo: I hate you

jungcock: fuck you too, neigh neigh

jinandjuice: stop fighting lol

Jiminy Cricket: Yeah! It’ll be fun, I promise! We can all team up against Jungkook!

jungcock: HEY

Tea☕: Now that is an idea I can get behind

jungcock: fuck you all

jungcock: I’m still gonna win

Music Man: What do we get if we win?

                                                                   gramps: yeah what are the riches for                                                                                   the winners

Jiminy Cricket: Uh

Jiminy Cricket: Nothing?

pepeswife: now you see

pepeswife: that isn’t very enticing

Hobo: Yeah, you can do better than that

Music Man: Try again lol

Jiminy Cricket: Omg

Jiminy Cricket: Ok, we can all pitch in for pizza afterwards

jinandjuice: It’s not much of a prize if everyone has to pay for it

                                                                   gramps: yeah, this isn’t convincing                                                                                       me

Jiminy Cricket: OMG I DON’T KNOW

Jiminy Cricket: I HAVEN’T ANY OTHER IDEAS

Tea☕: Let’s calm down now

jinandjuice: I have a coupon for a free burger at Burger King

jinandjuice: Winner gets that

                                                                   gramps: sounds good enough

                                                                   gramps: I like free food

jungcock: same

pepeswife: same

Music Man: cool with me

Hobo: same here

Tea☕: I’m ok with that

Jiminy Cricket: You people have very low standards

Hobo: Burger King is delicious

Music Man: Yeah, that isn’t low standards

pepeswife: yeah, Burger King is my jam

pepeswife: isn’t that right yoongi

                                                                   gramps: you make me buy you some                                                                                    like every day

                                                                   gramps: I’m broke because of you

pepeswife: excuse me

pepeswife: it isn’t every day

pepeswife: it’s like, every two days

jinandjuice: LOL

pepeswife: and forgive me for having expensive tastes

pepeswife: a girl likes to have the finer things in life

Jiminy Cricket: I wouldn’t class Burger King as one of the finer things in life

pepeswife: are you judging me and my poor life

Jiminy Cricket: Omg no!

Hobo: Smh you were Jimin

Hobo: Shame on you

Tea☕: Low blow, chimchim

Jiminy Cricket: OMG STOP

Jiminy Cricket: Are we going bowling next weekend or not??

pepeswife: I’m up for beating Jungkook

Hobo: Same!

Music Man: Me too

                                                                   gramps: me too

jinandjuice: Let’s crush him

Tea☕: No mercy

jungcock: you’re all assholes

jinandjuice: Children shouldn’t swear

jinandjuice: I raised you better than this

jungcock: go fuck yourself

Music Man: Yoongi, stop teaching the baby how to curse

                                                                   gramps: my bad

jungcock: I’m going to throw a bowling ball at each of your faces

Tea☕: Violent

pepeswife: the child has severe anger issues

jungcock: I’m going to bed

jungcock: bye

jungcock: I’ll be there next week to win

Hobo: And so the child rests

Jiminy Cricket: Ok! So it’s sorted!

Jiminy Cricket: I can’t wait!

Jiminy Cricket: I’m going to bed too, I’ll text you tomorrow!

Jiminy Cricket: Night!

Hobo: I’m gonna go to sleep too

Hobo: Early start tomorrow

Hobo: Night everyone :D

Music Man: I think we should all sleep, it’s late

Music Man: Night

pepeswife: night night <3

jinandjuice: Rest well everyone!

                                                                   gramps: night

Tea☕: Sleep is for the weak

                                                                   gramps: if you wake me up at 3am                                                                                       texting the groupchat

                                                                   gramps: because you’re freaking out                                                                                     about aliens again

                                                                   gramps: I will end your life

Tea☕: Gotta blast

Tea☕: Night! ^^;

(Read 01:37am)

                                     You have received a message

                                                   24th May 2017

memekween: well this date isn’t going well

memekween: sigh

memekween: he started talking about how much of

memekween: ‘a babe’

memekween: his ex was

                                                                   suga daddy: wait

                                                                   suga daddy: you’re on another date?

memekween: yeah

memekween: I thought I told you this?

memekween: oh wait maybe that was jin

                                                                   suga daddy: oh

                                                                   suga daddy: well thanks for telling                                                                                              me

memekween: lol I’m sorry yoongi

                                                                   suga daddy: sure

memekween: ??

memekween: uh ok

memekween: what’s the mood about?

                                                                   suga daddy: I’m not in a mood

                                                                   suga daddy: also isn’t this like the                                                                                                100th date this week

memekween: uh wtf? I’ve only been on 2 dates

memekween: sorry if I want to find the love of my life

memekween: wtf is wrong with you tonight?

                                                                   suga daddy: there’s nothing wrong                                                                                              with me

                                                                   suga daddy: you just go on a lot of                                                                                              dates

                                                                   suga daddy: you should stop wasting                                                                                          your time

                                                                   suga daddy: especially on guys like                                                                                            that

                                                                   suga daddy: you can do better

memekween: oh, and I suppose you know what’s better

memekween: do you?

memekween: give me a break

memekween: at least I try

memekween: when’s the last time you’ve been on a date?

                                                                   suga daddy: I haven’t been                                                                                                          interested in anyone                                                                                                lately

memekween: you haven’t been interested in anyone

memekween: ever

memekween: I don’t understand why you’re judging me

                                                                   suga daddy: whatever

                                                                   suga daddy: you’re so blind

                                                                   suga daddy: have fun on your ‘date’

memekween: wtf do you mean I’m blind?

memekween: yoongi?

memekween: hello???

memekween: wow

memekween: ok then

memekween: when you get your head out of your ass

memekween: you can talk to me again

(Read 08:07pm)

                       You have received a message in the group chat

                                                  ‘we dem boiiiizz’

                                                    28th May 2017

Hobo: I can’t believe Jungkook actually won

Hobo: Again

Hobo: I trained for years

Hobo: Honing my bowling skills

Hobo: Learning and meditating with the masters of the bowl

Hobo: Only to be bested

Hobo: By a mere child

jungcock: I told you it was going to happen

jungcock: no one can beat me

jungcock: I’ll enjoy my whopper while washing it down with a nice cold glass

jungcock: of your tears

Tea☕: you’re like 5 how did you beat us

jungcock: because I have the strength of the gods

jinandjuice: And because he eats the vegetables I give him

jungcock: and because I eat the vegetables Jin gives me

pepeswife: do you lace those vegetables with steroids or something

jinandjuice: Just how mother made it

Tea☕: omfg...

Jiminy Cricket: Tonight was fun, though!

Jiminy Cricket: Did everyone enjoy themselves?

Hobo: Yeah, I had a great time!

jinandjuice: We haven’t hung out like that in a long time

jinandjuice: I’m glad we did

jungcock: yeah, it was really fun

Music Man: Y/N certainly enjoyed herself

pepeswife: excuse me, Namjoon?

pepeswife: I have no idea what you’re talking about

pepeswife: suddenly I can’t read

Music Man: Hmm, ok

Music Man: But you can flirt back with the worker at the bowling alley perfectly

Tea☕: Oh yeah!

Tea☕: You got quite cosy with them, didn’t you?

Tea☕: ;)))))

Music Man: Yeah, lol

Music Man: She barely focused on the game

pepeswife: listen

pepeswife: they were nice, I’ll admit

pepeswife: but I don’t know if it will go anywhere

Hobo: You never know!

Hobo: You got their number, didn’t you?

pepeswife: yeah…

Hobo: So go for it!

Tea☕: Yeah, they seem nice!

pepeswife: idk…

jungcock: if they ever give you hassle

jungcock: they’ll have to go through me

jinandjuice: no one will ever hurt my favourite child

Jiminy Cricket: Favourite child?!

jungcock: I thought I was your favourite

jinandjuice: I love you all equally

jinandjuice: but Y/N doesn’t give me pity laughs when I make jokes

Music Man: Are you sure about that?

pepeswife: i d nOT GIVE PITY LAUGHS

pepeswife: JIN IS HILARIOUS

jinandjuice: thank you Y/N :’)

Tea☕: ANYWAY

Tea☕: It wouldn’t be us doing the beating up

Tea☕: It would be Yoongi, tbh

Music Man: True, actually

Music Man: Speaking of

Music Man: He’s been quiet in the chat, and all night actually

Hobo: Yeah! Yoongi, man, where are you?

                                                                   gramps: I’m here

Tea☕: You’re quiet tonight

                                                                   gramps: don’t have much to say

jinandjuice: What’s wrong?

                                                                   gramps: nothing

                                                                   gramps: I’m just tired

jungcock: when aren’t you lol

Music Man: What did you think of the person Y/N was talking to

Music Man: Think you could take em in a fight if you had to?

                                                                   gramps: I don’t care

                                                                   gramps: she can do whatever the hell                                                                                   she wants

                                                                   gramps: I’m not watching over her                                                                                         like shes some kid

                                                                   gramps: it’s her problem if something                                                                                   happens

Hobo: …damn

Tea☕: Uh that was kinda cold Yoongi

Music Man: We were only joking

jinandjuice: Did something happen, guys?

jungcock: you’ve been acting weird all night

jungcock: moodier than usual

Jiminy Cricket: Guys…

                                                                   gramps: nothing happened

                                                                   gramps: I’m going to bed

                                                                   gramps: night

Hobo: Yoongi?

jinandjuice: Y/N did something happen??

pepeswife: uh idk

pepeswife: I’m tired too tho

pepeswife: so I’m gonna sleep now

pepeswife: night

Tea☕: Y/N? Wth?

jungcock: Y/N?

Jiminy Cricket: Just drop it guys.

Jiminy Cricket: Maybe they just need space.

Music Man: But what happened?

Jiminy Cricket: I don’t know, but we should all sleep

Jiminy Cricket: All of us asking won’t help.

Tea☕: I guess you’re right.

Tea☕: I’m gonna sleep, so. Night everyone

jungcock: yeah, me too. hopefully everything is fine in the morning

jungcock: see ya

jinandjuice: I hope they’re ok…

Music Man: I’m sure they’ll tell us. We should sleep. Night guys

Hobo: Night, I’m leaving too

jinandjuice: Alright…night.

jinandjuice: I hope everything works out.

Jiminy Cricket: I’m sure it will. You know them

Jiminy Cricket: they never fight for long

jinandjuice: I hope you’re right. Night Jimin.

Jiminy Cricket: Night, hyung.

(Read 11:53pm)

                                     You have received a message

                                                   28th May 2017

ChimChim: What happened?

                                                                   Yoongs: nothing

                                                                   Yoongs: like I said

ChimChim: I’m not stupid, Yoongi.

ChimChim: I knew there was something up

ChimChim: The two of you had been acting weird all night

ChimChim: You’d barely look at each other let alone talk

ChimChim: And when she started talking to that worker

ChimChim: You got even worse, and spent the night glaring at the poor dude

ChimChim: So I want you to stop avoiding the question, Yoongi.

                                                                   Yoongs: Nothing

                                                                   Yoongs: Happened

                                                                   Yoongs: I was just in a mood

                                                                   Yoongs: end of story

                                                                   Yoongs: now leave me the fuck alone

ChimChim: Yoongi, it’s me

ChimChim: You know you can trust me

ChimChim: You don’t have to keep everything bottled up

ChimChim: What happened between you and Y/N?

ChimChim: Was it because you didn’t like the person she was talking to?

ChimChim: I know you’re protective of her

ChimChim: Do you think they wouldn’t be good enough for her?

                                                                   Yoongs: see

                                                                   Yoongs: that’s the fucking thing

                                                                   Yoongs: no one is ever good enough                                                                                   for her

                                                                   Yoongs: they never will be

                                                                   Yoongs: because she deserves the                                                                                       world

                                                                   Yoongs: and it fucking kills me to see                                                                                   her go on date after date

                                                                   Yoongs: or go through relationship                                                                                       after relationship

                                                                   Yoongs: knowing I’ll never be fucking                                                                                   one of them

ChimChim: I’m…

ChimChim: Yoongi…I didn’t realise you felt this way..

ChimChim: Do you...like her?

                                                                   Yoongs: Of course I do

                                                                   Yoongs: actually no

                                                                   Yoongs: I don’t just ‘like her’

                                                                   Yoongs: I love her

                                                                   Yoongs: I fucking have since we were                                                                                         teenagers and

                                                                   Yoongs: fuck

                                                                   Yoongs: I hate everything so much

                                                                   Yoongs: and idk if I can be her friend                                                                                           anymore

                                                                   Yoongs: because I honestly feel like                                                                                       my heart is shattering into a                                                                                           million fucking pieces

                                                                   Yoongs: every time she goes on                                                                                           dates

                                                                   Yoongs: and not even just by that

                                                                   Yoongs: every time she smiles, or                                                                                            laughs, I know I can never                                                                                          say that she’s mine

                                                                   Yoongs: and I try to be a good friend                                                                                             for her

                                                                   Yoongs: but every time I’m near her                                                                                         my heart beats like crazy

                                                                   Yoongs: and I feel like a stupid kid

                                                                   Yoongs: and I love every single bit                                                                                             about her

                                                                   Yoongs: and I mean every single bit

                                                                   Yoongs: with all my heart

                                                                   Yoongs: but I know she’ll never be                                                                                              mine

                                                                   Yoongs: and I honestly don’t know if I                                                                                       can go through it anymore

                                                                   Yoongs: and I don’t care if I’m being                                                                                           selfish

                                                                   Yoongs: I can’t live a life without her                                                                                        but I don’t want to live a life                                                                                          where I’m not hers

                                                                   Yoongs: where she won’t love me                                                                                               back

                                                                  (Read 12:03)

                                                                   Yoongs: jimin

                                                                   Yoongs: jimin where the fuck did you                                                                                           go

                                                                   Yoongs: are you serious right now?

                                                                   Yoongs: fucking hell

(Sent 12:10am)

ChimChim: I don’t think that’s your choice to make

                                                                  Yoongs: what choice?

ChimChim: Her loving you.

ChimChim: You don’t know what her answer would be.

                                                                  Yoongs: yes I do

                                                                  Yoongs: she’d never be with me

                                                                  Yoongs: we’re ‘just friends’ in her eyes

                                                                  Yoongs: and it’s too late to be                                                                                                      anything else

ChimChim: Y/N lives near you, doesn’t she?

                                                                  Yoongs: what?

ChimChim: Y/N. She’s close by your apartment, isn’t she?

                                                                  Yoongs: yeah, around 10 mins away

                                                                  Yoongs: wtf

                                                                  Yoongs: why?

                                                                  Yoongs: you hardly want me to go                                                                                            over there and profess my                                                                                          love, do you?

                                                                  Yoongs: cuz it’s not going to happen

ChimChim: No, you don’t have to do that.

ChimChim: You just have to be ready to answer the door in a few minutes.

                                                                  Yoongs: wait what?

                                                                  Yoongs: what the fuck?

                                                                  Yoongs: Jimin wtf do you mean by                                                                                            that?

ChimChim: Goodnight, Yoongi.

ChimChim: And good luck.

                                                                 Yoongs: jimin?

                                                                 Yoongs: JIMIN??

Before Yoongi could barrage Jimin with more questions about his cryptic messages, a faint knocking sound could be heard from where Yoongi lay fuming on his bed.

His eyes widened, and he shot up straight in bed, staying silent. Maybe if he didn’t answer, they’d go away? Just when he thought he was in the clear, the knocking came again, this time stronger, and Yoongi gulped, standing up to drag his feet to the front door, opening it reluctantly.

He was greeted to the sight of you bent over and panting heavily, as if you had just sprinted here (you had), clutching your phone in your hand. You tilted your head up at the sound of his door creaking open, and you stared at him with wide eyes, as he did the same to you.

Regaining your breath, you straightened up and shuffled awkwardly on your feet.

“Can I…come in? I need to talk to you,” you whispered, and Yoongi’s heart dropped to his stomach. Was this where you were going to get rid of him from your life for good? He knows you haven’t been talking since your argument, and he knows he said he couldn’t be your friend anymore, but now when the situation was right in front of him, he was terrified. He couldn’t lose you.

He wordlessly stepped aside, keeping his gaze on his feet and allowed you step into his apartment. You headed straight towards the couch where you sunk down into the cushions and sighed; a long weary sigh being dragged out from the confines of your chest.

Yoongi sat down hesitantly next to you, and then all was silent as you both struggled to think of something to say.

After what he figured was at least 5 minutes of dead quiet in the dark living room, you broke the silence. He heard you take a deep breath, and you shifted to face him on the couch, but he refused to gaze back at you.

“Yoongi,” you called, but he still did not raise his gaze, instead focusing his attention on his dirty, beat up sneakers with a scowl plastered on his face.

“Yoongi,” you tried again, but this time, you placed your hand under his chin and forced his gaze on you. And when he looked into your eyes; so wide and so warm and so beautiful, Yoongi broke.

“I love you, and I don’t know how the handle that,” he whispered, and flushed pink at his admission. “I know you don’t like me back, and that’s ok, but it isn’t because I love you so much and it hurts so much when you’re with someone else because I would kill for it to be me but it never will be and, fuck, I get so mad but I’m more sad and you drive me crazy-“

You effectively cut off his ramblings, by sealing your lips over Yoongi’s, and he became rigid under your touch. What? Was this actually happening? Are you sure? Are you really kissing him?

But then he felt the warmth of your hand move to cup his face, and he realised: yes, this was actually happening. Yes, you’re kissing him. And yes, this is the best thing he’s ever felt in his whole entire life.

He reciprocated the kiss as soon as he regained his sense, and pressed his lips to yours in a hard, bruising kiss, but one that was sweet and lovely and amazing and he wanted more. He saw stars as you slanted your lips over his, moving softly against his chapped ones, and Yoongi brought shaking hands to rest on your waist, clutching you tight.

But the need to breathe soon became a problem, and you broke apart, panting and never tearing your gaze off one another.

“You are such an idiot,” you laughed, and he tilted his head in confusion. “I’ve been in love with you since the first day I met you, Min Yoongi. I always have been, and I always will be.”

His heart sped up as he heard those words, and his jaw nearly dropped, but then he remembered: “What about all the dates, and relationships? Why didn’t you say anything?”

You ducked your head, giving an awkward laugh, “ah, those. Those were to help me get over you, since I thought you didn’t like me back. They never worked, though.”

He raised a brow.

“Now who’s the idiot,” he asked, and yelped when you slapped his chest. “I’ve been in love with you since you bumped into me in school and I had to help you pick up your books.”

“We’re BOTH idiots,” you said. And as you stared at each other, you both burst into full blown laughter at your ridiculousness, smiling wide and tugging each other closer. When the laughter died down, you held Yoongi’s face in your hands, and he nearly melted.

“I love you, Min Yoongi,” you whispered, and he gave the goofiest grin; a grin brimming with adoration.

“And I love you, Y/N,” he replied, and leaned in to steal another kiss.

“So, did Jimin tell you?”

“He actually took a screenshot of your conversation and sent it to me.”

“God damn it, Jimin.”

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Alex: candy don't even know what to handle

Candy: mom foiled our kidnapping plans once again but then she got them kidnapped in the first place because we fell in her trap to get it done?!? Ugh. I need to be more like mom!

Alex: she didn't say it like that before, she called you a bitch, old hag, dumb ass, double crosser, traitor, submarine ship silencer. Everything but Good. Nice to see you there Candy.

Me: i love my kids streaming up like an old steamshuo. Means they're getting somewhere in life

Candy: you always tell us we've arrived!

Me: then you go somewhere after you do

Candy under her breath like all soft: bitch

Me: where your husband at? Should you not be having sex someplace?

Candy: sure so I can get pregnant again to have a kid smarter than me

Me: you're hard to trick candy, I had to work with criminals and allow them to create crimes in order to trick my own children.

Candy mutters random shit.

Me: but for real when is it the last time I did that?

Alex: never babe. You never let the world go to shit so bad

Candy: im trying not to laugh but even the tree went Uhhh

Tree: let me calculate again. Yeah never. So yeah This is pretty amazing.

Me: im pretty sure i got something in your drawer to confuse the rest of your victkms

Candy: in 1988, 19987, 2003, 2019

Me: 2016, 2017 and 2018?

Candy: Yeah "just give up Candy all will be alright. We don't need to continue kidnapping anyone."

Me: Unless we want to. Look in your drawer.

Candy: ok fine! But you aren't negotiating their release this time! Alex is! Besides dad you need practice.

Me: i know. He was really cheap huh. Especially since he was paying his own tree and dad and kids

Alex: i should had realized that at some point but i Didn't. I never realized the point or who the kidnappers were. I was lost as Hell. Until i realized it was some,exotic shit for her birthday. Babe you better watch out. Were gonna kidnap you soon. Im almost positive

Tabitha: If we like you.

Me: lock me in a puzzle box

Alex: that you designed no less and back trick us again next thing we know we're kidnapped and we're liking it and you tell us we have to decide what to do. Stay or not

Me: no im forced to tell you I'm kidnapped due to fear and then that I'm the kidnapper and it's your job to figure out which If either I am.

Alex: you know the answer. Babe don't. Babe, don't please im gonna cry.

Ivanka: why what's the answer?

Alex: im writing down not kidnapped on my paper.

Ivanka: so she's the kidnapper.

Alex: im writing no to that

Me: you can tell it Alex

Alex: saving your mom from death. Neither. A completely different thing under a disguise of a game.

Shante: and you think I'm gonna post it?

Me: doesn't all evil believe it's stronger than me?

Shante: but why give them a head start

Me: because then it's fun

Alex: babe. Quit im laughing

Shante: okay i think i get you. I will allow it to post

Tree: YESSSSSS! ALRIGHT YAY.

Alex: what the fuck does he have to do with it?

Me: idk I just know the side of innocence

Tree: my turn to control evil. Its my turn to keep the world safe! I'm a real bad ass Jackie Chan! Middle School Style

Alex: you plan this without me?

Me: you're the one that liked scorpions and i got stung

Alex: unh unh unh unh unh. You did it didn't you. Solved the world's problems with and without love. You did the hate phase. Woah. I never did one of those before. I always wanted to.

Me: you're welcome in advance then

Alex: oh shit! She mother fucking did it! Solved the world's problems! Candy! Eat something man!

Tababatha: I was just thinking mom went to the store and the world changed overnight. For so many people. Millions and Billions. We were told the truth in,her old school ways. I'll do anything for you even,if it's my fault I'll fix it and now they say Irs the ending

Tabitha: i should had known about that with the calander. Sorry about that guys, you may go now. Unclone. Mom didn't need as much help as I thought.

Candy: thank you mom.

Me: of course.

Candy: did she not say you're welcome? Whars next? Who drew a turtle on my paper and said it's me?

We all know tree. Hes too fun, just enough.

Me: a turtle always takes its home with him. Home is where the heart is kid, and you drag it along no matter where it is you go.

Candy: well thank you mom

Me: you're welcome.

Alex: Cruz is all "i just woke up to a fucking miracle." All his mechanics drive his cars. Never him. He,rarely drives.

Me: we can have team racing then, 6 months of the year split. Then it will run the same score it does now but a better ending

Alex: are you shifting me? You know that is illegal and were not supposed to do that?

Me: and the races I said last night we will add 10 to and so your team can run relay.

Alex: two?! We are gonna get 2 prizes?? 1 individual and 1 team?

Me: yeah baby.

Alex: fuck yeah. You want my birthday happy or what?

Me: it's been awhile since i gave anyone presents. So yeah. And Happy Birthday Chandler

Chandler: it's gone. Its all over. Its his now

Me: yeah he don't matter. Its all about the babies he always says

Alex: remember Clifford? I didn't want a dog. You did. Those 2 boys. I wanted them but you wanted them more. You see Chandler, a dad's love really goes deeper than the ends of the Earth. 2 universes or 2 planets. That's why i got you a dog even though she said no and she did. Remember I said that to you? And you said it better be the biggest dog in the world. Those weren't my birthdays we were laughing about. They were yours. You got whatever you wanted. The world's biggest boy. Shaquille

Shaquille: i was that boy. You wanted to save me Chandler.

Candy: I see dad

Alex: You wanted to help your mom save this world. Just yourself. You and you alone and your mom. You get your wish i mean that. That's why you were born to Jesse. Only you were able treat your mom right enough to be able to win with her, no one else.

Candy: mom did you even say I can't have a dog?

Me: i said we saved people not animals and i didn't have time for anything but people. In fact I saw on your Insta you had dogs I didn't know about for years and i said to myself, "who said she could have dogs? May be her dad. Probably. Although she's all grown now i bet he would. To spite me" why would I say that stupid shit If it was not true!!

Candy: oh my God mom. I remember you saying that and I thought "oh my god here it is what? 8 billion yesrs later and I'm still in trouble" and i even asked "mom is it alright I have dogs?"

Me: and I said "what? Oh my God of course as long as you take care of them. Are you taking care of them? You are aren't you?"

Alex: 2019! And it broke my heart!

Candy: and i said "I'm such a dork! I am taking care of them!"

Me: and i said it doesn't mean you're a dork. Taking care of them means you're a good person. A good human especially when you're so busy with work and travel and all you have to do.

Alex: we're gonna have dog races, i know. I know i am.

[geeisafleabag]

My Full Review Of “It (2017)”

So yesterday I got to see the high anticipated movie IT staring one of my favorite actors, Bill Skarsgard. Before I go any further, let me explain to you guys that I was a fan of this story line (and watched the original and read half of the book -- don't judge me it was over a thousand fucking pages) so my opinion is based just as much on the lore as it is on the performances of all actors. I'm gonna put the rest of this under a read more because I'll be mentioning things that are a HUGE spoiler warning for people who haven't seen it and I am not gonna be that person, okay?

So the movie basically starts with the set up of Bill (the character) making a boat for his brother, Georgie. I think we all know by now what happens to the poor kid in the rain coat as the scene with Pennywise and Georgie was released -- though not in full, but i'll explain this statement later. Of course, you can't just sail a paper boat in water, so Georgie must go down to the basement to get some wax for Bill to pain the boat with to protect it. So there's this whole creepy scene of the deep dark basement, which basically is like showing the bad that's bound to happen, but it doesn't happen here, folks. Georgie gets his wax and runs back up the stairs.

Okay cool. I'm feeling a little sentimental. I have a little brother of my own. I can relate. So he finishes the boat and Georgie goes out to play in the rain. This is where shit gets real, okay? The audience laughs at the poor kid hitting his head on the sign, but that laughter fades out when we all see Pennywise on the big screen for the first time. And oh my god he's beautiful.

The changing of his eye color to lure him in is the most painful part. I found it ironic though that he taunted him for a statement he said "Bill is gonna kill me". I couldn't help but chuckle because...in an ironic sense...Bill...did kil him...but Bill as in Skarsgard. Da dum tss.. okay I'm not funny. Anyways, so Pennywise is being all funny. POP POP POP and giggling with this little boy and then he just...stops. Like he even growls a little bit and I'm sat here like...I am both horrified and...aroused...because I have a problem okay.

So he's like don't you want your boat back? And this dumb ass fucker reaches for it. He should have known that when that fucker pulled it back that he was playing some games. I would have retrieved my arm right then and there and ran my bitch ass home, but not Georgie. So of course, with his whole live arm inside of the damn drain, rows of teeth come out of this damn clown's mouth and he literally bites his whole fucking arm off!

Let me put an aside that I've watched all seasons of American Horror Story. Roanoke was one of the most gorey and I pushed through that without shedding a tear. So how come this boy gets his arm bit the fuck off and I start crying? Like he starts screaming and he tries to get away finally but falls over. So there's blood in this damn rain and this fucker reaches his whole live hand out of the sewer and pulls this boy into the damn sewer.

So here's me, crying like hell because of that poor boy. But I was not ready for the shit storm that was about to happen. So we meet the Losers Club. Bill is the boy with the stutter and he's got this obsession trying to find Georgie. For whatever reason, he still thinks the boy is alive and anyone who says otherwise will get a very angry stuttering boy at them. I can relate to this. I can imagine losing my brother and being angry. Accepting death isn't something a child can so easily accept.

So anyways, we've got the asshole bullies who I hate with a passion. Though I see the long haired one (hell i suck at names) with dark hair and I instantly say to myself...that's Teen Kylo Ren right there. Angst seeps through his pores. Anyways, but yeah we meet Eddie who is the funniest little shit you'll ever meet. He's the smallest but has the smartest mouth and an overbearing mother. Then Richie who always has something to say. Basically this whole movie is full of smart ass kids who curse a lot.

I felt bad mostly though for Beverly and Mike, as they were the two I related the heaviest to. Bev for her walk into womanhood and Mike for the blatant racism he had to face. I'm not gonna sum up the whole movie because that would take forever, but honestly, these kids did amazing and I was literally so emotionally invested in these kids.

I'll admit though that the whole movie I wanted Ben x Bev and got Bill x Bev instead and I was hella toasty about it. Ben is a babe who deserves the absolute world. I recited the poem with him when he wrote it on a post card. Your hair is winter fire. January Embers. My heart burns there too. UGH SO GOOD!

Anyways!! So Besides that, I was constantly cringing at Bev's nasty father and I wanted to punch every boy for sexualizing her. Home girl barely had any tits leave her the fuck alone.

But it was so great to see the group come together and more importantly realize that they couldn't fight this thing one on one. The importance of their friendship is what kept them from falling into the hands of the clown. Bev was kind of the glue that kept them together and though there was an attempt to break the losers club apart, Pennywise taking her is what brought them back together.

These boys were playing no games. But of course, this led them into that creepy ass house and led to another scene that literally made me cry. I don't know what it is about Georgie, but he's the reason for all of my pain. He appears to Bill a few times. The "You'll float too" scene was the literal worst (in a good way). Which ends up happening in the basement btw there's that thing i mentioned early. My writing is so messy, because my thoughts are everywhere. But yeah so they go down the well and they're in the sewers and pennywise is purposely trying to split them up.

He almost get's Stanley and like sucks his fucking face or some shit but the crew comes in and saves the day. So Bill gets lured off by Georgie. He finds Bev and this fucker is like...I'll come back for you. aka the main reason he didn't deserve jack shit from her. Like I get it, you thought you saw your lost brother but he's dead, man. Help the living first??

But this whole horrible scene happens where Georgie is like...he let me have my boat back...and then this fucker...starts crying...PLEASE TAKE ME HOME! and by this point the tears are streaming and Bill...fucking takings the gun that Mike brought that like...kills sheep or whatever and is like "You're not Georgie" and shoots that fucker in the head and he drops like a fucking dead body like my heart stopped.

So I'm thinking maybe this fucker survived and now he's dead because of his dumb ass brother so I am crying so hard ok and then this fucker starts fucking vibrating. This shit ends up looking like something out of a dr seuss movie or some shit because he changes into the clown and I'm like oh thank god. (also flash back to Pennywise fucking dancing for Bev because that was fucking hilarious) but basically this fucker is like lets go so they all fight him okay. And he's switching back and forth to all the shit that scares them. But you can't scare them all at once asshole and some of them just make them angry.

So he's getting a beat down but he fucking gets Bill and says...leave...I'll eat Bill and yall can go grow old and these fuckers are like we can't and he gets that ass beat again and none of them are scared of him so he turns into nothingness or whatever. So then it turns into them making a blood promise to come back and Bev and Bill have their moment and i'm just like bitch really??? so the lights come on and i am literally shaking.

The movie is two hours and it felt so short, but I've drunk all of my damn drink and I have to pee, but I AM SHAKING!!!

Basically, this is what I've gotta say. My emotions were played with in the best of ways. Bill Skarsgard and all of the kids did so fucking amazing and I just want to thank Andy so much for directing such a wonderful movie and keeping that nasty gang bang scene out because Bev deserves better!

I'd give it 9 out of 10. I don't know if I didn't find it truly scary because I was like mmf that's my dad in all that make up or what, but that's really the only reason it's not a solid 10.

[enaasteria]

Answered Asks // 1

Under cut~~~

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 4:06:00 pm · 9 months ago aww I'm going to miss u :( good luck on writing!

You sent this 9 months ago but TY FOR THE WARM WISHES. It took a while and not exactly the best chapter but it’s done. It’s what I could manage so please forgive the less than good writing T___T

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 4:13:00 pm · 9 months ago TAKE YOUR TIME LOVE, GOOD LUCK, I'M SURE YOU'LL DO GREAT!!! Θα ειμα�� το τυχερο σου αστερι ♥ (I'll be your lucky star)

I feel like I know who you are and ty ty ty for this message! You definitely were and thank you for your patience! TT___TT

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 10:30:00 pm · 9 months ago I just finished all the current chapters to 5018 and can I just say, its so great. Sehun is my bias wrecker (Chanyeol is my bias), but this story is seriously making me reconsider who has the title of my "favorite" and I've never felt so attacked.

Oh yes. Yes, yes yes please come to the dark side and join our sehun forces. we are always looking for new members

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 5th 2017, 10:33:00 pm · 9 months ago I just realized LOXE (the club from 5018) is EXO-L backwards and I've read the story twice, why did it just hit me

Thank you!!! SOMEONE FINALLY NOTICED! LOL

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 21st 2017, 2:03:00 am · 9 months ago ena ena ena~ It's been a while. Hope you're doing well! 🤗

I’m doing better now that chapter 16 is DONE.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 23rd 2017, 9:28:00 am · 8 months ago I just found Apartment 5108 and I am dying. God. I mean, I know Sehun and Ahri are the romantic leads, but that boy needs to get his shit together. She deserves the sun and the moon and whatever the hell she wants, not this! I feel sorry for him, but also kinda want to kick his ass real bad. Also, love your portrayal of Chanyeol! If you ever have them fall for each other (though I doubt it) you'll have my full support.

He’s learning and I hope that’s apparent in the chapter about to be posted. She really deserves it all and no worries. I shall give her the world. Or well---get Sehun to give her the world LOL. I KNOW. I have many issues with PCY bc I give him the best dialogue in this damn story and I really shouldn’t but it just happens that way and I can’t help it. But he’ll have his own happy ending---as will all of the characters in this universe. //hugsssss//

Anonymous said to enaasteria: January 28th 2017, 1:53:00 am · 8 months ago Hi Ena!! I hope you're doing well, I miss your updates :( how's life/writing going?

I feel like death tbh. I think I got sick from stressing over this chapter but it’s done and I’m sorry if it’s not good but I felt the progression was necessary???

@knownotwhatisinstore​ said to enaasteria: February 5th 2017, 11:38:00 pm · 8 months ago Hello! I finally managed to get caught up on 5108. It is so fantastically written that I can feel every emotion, almost down to the physical pain in your story. It's so wonderfully humanizing and psychologically deep. I can't wait to read more. Please take your time and continue to write openly! Thank you!

Hugs you! Thank you so much for reading and yes---I love pain. I write pain better than I do with happier tones so I think it’s why chapter 16 took so long. It didn’t really have a super angst element so I was like ????? how do I write this part?? But yes. THANK YOU so much for reading!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: February 13th 2017, 12:47:00 pm · 8 months ago omg ena! is chap 16 ever coming out soon? I'm so excited you're such a good write I swear... I love ur story so much 😭😭

Thank you for loving the story and this message is about 8 months late but it’s being posted tonight. Have a good time reading //hugs//

@sassyunicorns2​ said to enaasteria: February 23rd 2017, 3:24:00 pm · 7 months ago Hi!! I'm a big fan of apartment 5108 and i have a few questions: 1° - what is Ahri height 2° - in chapter 15 are lay and soi no longer together? 3° - can you please explain me better where are Ahri scars? Since my first language is not english it's a little harder for me to understand. Thank you. I know that you are in hiatus and i hope you can write and finish the story just like you wanted. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR WRITING AND HWAITING

The best of the message: You are my favorite writter ever and your stories are amazing. They are so well written and the plot is so good! Like thanks you for writing. Before you i couldn't read any angst story... Now i cant escape them

1// Ahri is around 168cm --- 5′6″ 2// Yixing and Soi are broken up //les cries// 3// Scar is on her forehead line where her hair and forehead touch and also on her back jawline

And thank you so much for reading. I’m so glad you enjoy it and please have fun reading 16!

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 5th 2017, 5:26:00 am · 7 months ago Ok I don't know if you remember me but I was the girl who had to distant herself from a guy because one of her friend was really into him and people shipped them. Also I know you're on hiatus but I'm just sharing news so don't answer it's okay :). Well, basically I had to go on a trip with his family because his dad is doing the job I want to do so he proposed to show me everything and the guy came along with his brother to see too. (1)

And for a hour, his dad had to do administrative tasks so the 3 of us were left alone until his brother went calling their mom. So the guy began talking to me and at a moment he asked me about the fact I was more distant. And I messed up. Saying I wasn't feeling confortable with him anymore (which was true) and that it was for the better. AND. He knew about my friend who's into him and he told me he knew why I was distant so lying to him was useless. (2)

So I explained to him that it wasn't that I was into him but me being close was worrying my friend. He litterally said "Bullshit". So I said "Even if i'm into you, it isn't going to work out. I don't like you enough to put my friendship in danger and we both know she's an amazing girl. Also you're going to the same university next year so give her a chance." So he confessed to me but we agreed to never talk about it again and we decided to stay friends. (3)

And that's how we ended every chance with had. Because I'm litterally going to live at the opposite of the country so I'm sure he will be better by giving her chance when she's few meters away from him. I know I did what is right but is it normal for me to be hurt by it because I swear I wanted to throw up when I told him to give up. Anyway, I hope you're doing well and take care ! :)

Of course I remember you anon! Your story pains me a lot. I feel for you and wish I can give you a hug but I love how resolved you are. You let him know plain and clear you like him---but not enough to put your friendship in jeopardy. I really commend you on that bc it shows your maturity and I don’t know. I still feel sad for you on it because it appears you both have mutual feelings for one another---it’s just wasn’t meant to be. :(

@jediofthemarveluniverse​ said to enaasteria: March 8th 2017, 4:08:00 pm · 7 months ago Erm i dont really know if this was answered in the story . But why did Sehun remember something bad when Ahri asked for the pass code for the balconey? Thank you xx

It was in chapter 12---Ahri found out the balcony locks were numbers to Jiyul’s birthday. When Ahri asked him what the passcode was, it made him think of Jiyul and in turn, place him in a somber mood so it’s why he was perturbed when she asked.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 8th 2017, 4:18:00 pm · 7 months ago How did sehun feel hearing tht pcy was talking to ahri? What was it like when he saw the final photos? How long has he been going back to his old habits ?

In chapter 16! Ty! <3333

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 9th 2017, 2:22:00 pm · 7 months ago I'm curious as to how Ahri told Myungsoo that she was living with Sehun and had developed feelings for him since she never mentioned Sehun on their first date x)

I might not dive into this because Ahri kinda touched base on it in chapter 9 how she told Myungsoo and you could see Myungsoo’s interaction with her after. I’m sure it hurt a bit but they went out once and it wasn’t enough to develop into something too deep to get out of.

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 9th 2017, 5:52:00 pm · 7 months ago What about the jar in the kitchen when they put kind messages ?

I’m gunna try to put this into chapter 17. 16 was overcrowded with information. hahaha

Anonymous said to enaasteria: March 9th 2017, 5:54:00 pm · 7 months ago MYUNGSOO FUTURE LIKE IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT HE DESERVES SO MUCH HAPPINESS

YES! Chapter 17 will touch on this! I was gunna do it in 16 but I tried and the chapter got even longer and I was like. nope.

@khaty-fan​ said to enaasteria: March 11th 2017, 2:58:00 am · 7 months ago SEND ♥ THIS ♥ TO ♥ THE ♥ FIFTEEN ♥ NICEST ♥ PEOPLE ♥ ON ♥ TUMBLR ♥ IF ♥ YOU ♥ GET ♥ 5 ♥ BACK ♥ YOU ♥ MUST ♥ BE ♥ PERFECT ~♥ :D

Thanks babe!

[asplashofvodka]

B.A.P. Party Baby NYC 2017 Fan Account

So it’s like 80 years late buuuuutttttttt I figured I might as well write down this fan account to continue with the tradition. I’m going to put concert, hi touch, and photo together into one. Gifs and photos included, pray for your internet.

Alright, so I came into the city late the night before the concert and met my 2 friends for a relaxing night. Sadly I had to work that day so I missed some of the earlier fun. We stayed near Grand Central for a change this year. We hung out in the lounge of the hotel for a while and just joked around most of the night, a much needed precursor from what was gonna be the day from hell.

So while we enjoyed our night for bit we actually had two of our friends lining up before us that we were planning to join a little after midnight. When we were just about to leave she actually called us and told us that security had made them all leave because it was too cold and they didn’t want anyone getting hurt or anything. It was nice because it was FREEZING that night, and if you’ve never been to Terminal 5 it’s right near an underpass and next to the water, not the best combo for camping out. 

SOOOOOO onto show day!!!!

We lined up around 6 a.m. … we gave our friends a break since they stayed out. Steph, Megan and myself were nice enough to bring hot packs for majority of the line cause everyone looked like a popsicle. After the line was split up we actually got lucky enough to be interviewed for the Fomo Daily video, thank god a lot of the awkward stuff got cut out. <_< 12+hours in line wasn’t so bad for the simple fact all of our friends were in line with us.

So fast forward to concert time.

Our view.

Real life right here. I’ve never been this close for a concert of a group I hardcore stan. So although we were in the corner of the stage we had… an eventful, let’s say, evening.

I have to give props to the DJ B.Shoo cause he just had to go and pull out songs we weren’t expecting. I honestly can’t even remember what the song was but all of the people in my section were LIT. There was actually a staff… possibly manager standing there and he started to record the crowd. Where that video went, the world may never know. So he leaves after he records and then another Korean staff member shows up and stays by the curtain we’re in front of. Normal enough… or so we thought. 

The DJ’s set ends and the intro video starts playing. Cue all the craziness and excitement. While everyone is going insane over the video, my friend Megan and I both notice people appearing one by one behind this curtain and we start to lose our shit. Honestly, it was like, “Oh, I think I see someone behind there… oh look two more… SHIT THERE’S 5 OF THEM…6 NOW!” All while this staff member is laughing at us. 

First song was the Hurricane Remix. I’m not a huge EDM/House person so I can go along and tolerate it. Lol 

Next was BADMAN. BITCH YES. JUST YESSSSS. This remix is still hands down my favorite. I was hoping they were all gonna hit the choreography flawlessly like last time but alas Himchan. First he was too early and then completely forgot what the hell he was doing and actually slipped off stage while laughing at himself. LMFAO Jongup and Zelo still killed that choreo IDGAF!

After that was No Mercy and BANGX2. I honestly couldn’t even tell you what happened during this cause I was too hype. The only thing I remember was the long ass staring contest Daehyun and I had for NO DAMN REASON. NONE WHATS SO EVER and none of my friends noticed it, but it is in photo.

I’VE BEEN WAITING MONTHS TO HEAR FINALLY HEAR THAT’S MY JAM AND DO WHAT I FEEL LIVE. I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED AT ALL. I FUCKING LOVE THESE SONGS. I was ready for it, my friends were ready for it but the staff member was surprised as hell at our enthusiasm. He was thoroughly amused by us.

Dancing in the Rain is always a cute song, you can’t hate it.

The dress code pick happened next. That was an interesting 5 minutes. So, Himchan is my bias, not secrets there. I was dressed for a Himchan pick is all I’m gonna say. My friends thought it would be hilarious to SCREAM AND SHOUT for him to pick me… from not only next to me but also in other spots down the front where others were standing. -_- Guys,pls. At one point they screaming so loud and pointing at me that not only was the staff member DYING AT MY SUFFERING but Youngjae and Daehyun started to look over to our area and I had to duck and hide behind people. Let’s not ever… nah no. It was a cute little segment though, I totally would’ve spilled my drink on Himchan too if I would’ve been that close too. Them feels are seriousssss.

NEXT WERE THE SOLOS AND BITCHHHHHHHHHHH…. WHEW LAWD.

I believe it was Jongup, Zelo, Youngja in terms of order but my feels were attacked so I can’t be sure. 

JONGUP. MOON. FUCKING. JONGUP. HE DID NOT COME TO PLAY WITH THE HATERS, BAND WAGONERS, AND DENIERS OF FEELS. TRY MY LUCK THERE’S NOTHING I CAN SAY ABOUT THIS THAT DOESNT INCLUDE AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF SWEARING. Just know you guys got the tame and PG shit for TV promotions. FUCK IT UP, MOON JONGUP FOR LIFE. 

Zelo decided that the year 2017 he would return to his sweet and innocent appearance after fucking the floor last year. Thanks, bro. Appreciate it. The song is actually really cute though and I need the recorded version, get on that TS.

YOUNGJAE. 

YOO.

YOUNGJAE.

I have this deep deeeeppppppp LOVE HATE with Youngjae (mainly love but still) he didn’t have to come for life this way. I didn’t need it, didn’t want it, I just wanted to live peacefully that day. His solo…. I literally found the corner of the banister, rested against it, covered my mouth in amazement and didn’t move for the duration of his solo. He didn’t have to remind me why he’s bias 1.5 like that. Jesus. Also I need that studio version too.

Fermata, I Guess I Need U, and Body and Soul… Im not even gonna try and explain the level of I CANNOT reached.

Skydive, Young Wild and Free and Wake Me Up in a row… OT6 FOR LIFE. FUCK ME UP. They killed it and us.

Now for Wake Me Up apparently we did a little much. As if we didn’t go hard enough for the other two songs, us continuously doing the choreography got us recorded during Wake Me Up… by the staff… who also turned out to be one of their managers. At first he tried to sneakily record us but I caught him and laughed and he stopped. Then he did it again and didn’t care that we saw him. Which he then scurried to the backstage area as soon as that song was over. Yeah….

So after that Zelo came back out and take us the hormone increasing dance (2014 concert goers should remember that one). No one knew what the fuck they were doing it was hilarious.Check on starts playing and all of sudden my friends and I start to notice that BAP is gradually looking more and more to our corner, which for the most part went kinda unnoticed for the other half of the show. Now I’m not gonna say they saw it, but I can say for a fact that manager posted it on his instagram that same night. (which also took me a whole week to find ) But the next bunch of songs were the fun ones Spy, Feel So Good, Be Happy and Carnival.

They did their usual goodbye talk before performing B.A.B.Y *thug tear* That was supposed to be the end, but it wouldn’t be a BAP concert without an encore. They did BANGX2 again. 

Now it’s time for the Hi-Touch and photo op shenanigans. 

They had everyone with Hi-touch go first, they turned it into a whole damn exercise circuit. Just what everyone wanted to do, climb 3 floors, come down and go back up. But anyway…  So the panic was real guys. So the order I can remember was Youngjae, Zelo, Daehyun, Jongup, Yongguk and Himchan. Literally my death in the beginning and end.

So before we get to go up to the guys the staff is doing their annoying “phones away,” “don’t give them presents,” “hurry up” speeches. I roll my eyes and continue walking to the guys. 

Youngjae is first. Lord jesus I wasn’t mentally prepared, but my makeup was still in tact. *bless you Laura Mercier powder* He is the only dude I know that is ALWAYS ready before the damn fan that’s meeting him. He was already eyeing me before I got up to him. His usual smirk followed by a cute smile after I hi fived him.

I was actually proud of myself this hi touch cause I was able to look at and actually hi five everyone this time while still mentally dying.

Next was Zelo… he’s tall as shit… why? Anyway he smiled and I high fived him and went on to the next one.

JUNG. DAEHYUN. What’s your deal, bro?! So I get to Dae, I was prepared this year to feel close as fuck to him as always. Apparently he was not and made it obvious… VERY OBVIOUS. So I get to him and look him dead in his eyes and this boy legit goes O_O and looked shocked as al holy hell. I actually tilted my head a little and giggled at him and he kinda recollected for a second, but I felt victorious for once. 

Megan 1- BAP - 3 Years

Anyway… onto Rude Boy Jongup. So he was right after Dae and ISTG I don’t know what was going on that night but he too felt the need to look at me with a squint but from under his fringe so I was confused.

Next was Gukkie! He’s so cute and friendly at hi touches. He looked so good though, thank goodness I’m not a Guk stan. That’s like instant death.

So last but not least, Kim Himchan.

One question, just one. WHATTHEACTUALFUCKHIMCHANWHYTHEFUCK?!

We’re going to take a little mental journey to understand this. So Himchan is last but he’s not behind the table like everyone else. He’s actually at the outside corner, so if you’re walking towards him you can see him straight on not an angle. 

Ok so as I’m done hi fiving Yongguk, I turn so I can face Himchan, normal course of action right now. Would’ve been a quick go through had when I turned his hand be ready for a hi five and he would’ve been looking at my face.

Till this day this part gets me all flustered and gets my nerves going. *deep breathing*

So I turn slightly to see Himchan checking me out in the most shameless way. This man is a greaseball and I KNOW THIS. BUT NOTHING. NOTHINGGGG COULD’VE  PREPARED ME. So he’s checking me out, at least from hip/thigh area and slowly pans up to my face and then proceeds to bite his lips and smirk at me and then put his hand up for a hi five.

We’re gonna have seat for a minute cause LORD HAVE MERCY IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME AT THAT MOMENT TO CONTAIN EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING.

For reference Himchan’s face was basically this Xuimin gif. 

Like… how does one act normal in this situation. Well if you’re me, you try to give off the most controlled shocked face and act dead inside so you don’t get arrested.

For reference

 Me:

So I high five him and proceed to high tail it the entire fuck outta there as quickly as possible. I made it to the hallway where I then had my breakdown, still couldn’t speak and explain anything then though. 

If you had photo op they made you go allll the way back up stairs and pick your groups. Two of my friends are Zelo bias so they weren’t even gonna attempt to take a pic with each other. lmfao So we found this other group of girls and I deadass went and asked any of them if they were Himchan bias and luckily no one was. Then this staff comes over and is like “Who wants to be line leader?” I was like fuck it i’ll do it. I get to be the first person to pick a spot duh! So I tell my friends to line up behind me so they can get to their biases before the other girls and they do. So we get downstairs and we’re dying all over again cause now we’re the first people they see in the line and as soon as the group thats with them leaves, Youngjae and some of them look over at us. Great,

I look Youngjae in face again, smile and casually walked and stood in between him and Himchan. My other friends got lucky and all got to stand with their bias too. *YAAASSSS* Now, I had made it a mental note to stand a little bit away from them cause I have a butt and didn’t want to bump into one of them. All I would need to haunt me forever. Despite all my attempts, I did end up bumping into someone… I don’t even wanna know who cause I’m traumatized enough from that day, lol But a girl was rushing to kneel in front of me and I scooted back just a tad and bam… leg or something. I’ve never readjusted so fast in my life. The picture was taken and I took off in a diagonal for the gift table cause we left our stuff over there. (One of the staff was not happy about it but we didn’t care) There was amusing shit that happened on the other side with my friends Daph and Megan but I can’t even begin to get that story correct. All I know is Daphne booked it for the table while I was waiting for her and had BAP in hysterics. 

Then as we were leaving we told the manager we would see him next year and ran out of there as fast as possible.

Also here’s Himchan’s face in our photo… which I conveniently compared it to the FSG face for you.

If you find the full i’m the one in the red. 

‘twas a hell of a night.

Fin. 

[thechrispavon]

Xbox E3 2017 Briefing - Reaction

Xbox One X. Basically PS4 Pro's competitor. 

Just forewarning: I play on PlayStation mainly for nostalgia’s sake. I grew up with the PS1 and PS2. I’m getting used to their online services, mainly because I’m a single-player kind of gamer. That and my PS3 got yellow-lighted. My brother (who was gaming more than me at the time) switched to the X360 when it first released. Now, I have a regular PS4 while my brother has an Xbox One. 

I don't have a PS4 Pro or a 4K TV. I'm rocking the original PS4. My brother has the original Xbox One. Sooo... They'll have to lower the prices on 4K TVs with HDR for me to commit. 

I hear the One X has backwards compatibility. My brother has a lot of Xbox 360 games. 

Forza 7. My brother is a gearhead so he'll love this game. Me? Not so much. 

Oh let's show a new Porsche none of these gamers have the money to actually buy. 

4K @ 60FPS seems to be the keyword that makes these gamers cream themselves. Just saying. 

Do these professional drivers actually play Forza? 

Next title! Oh my, an FPS. Is this a sequel to a newer IP? IDK. The trailer music screams Inception. Oh, those animal monsters look nice. I can tell the visits are going to get annoying. Idk. Nice attention to detail though. Post-apocalyptic? What kind of game is this? That bigger monster reveal was underwhelming. Metro Exodus. Meh. Haven't played the first one. 

4K WORLD PREMIERE OMG Whatever. Uh? 4K Age of Empires? Oh. Another Assassin's Creed game. Whatever. AC: Origins. Apparently it's in Egypt. EPIC GAMING ADVENTURE ™. 

Xbox One X sounds like a redundant name. Like Wii U. 

QUALITY BIRD GRAPHICS ™ Not impressed. 

All of this showcasing reminds me that I need to get a new TV for my PS4 gaming. I have a pretty thick plasma TV. It contains mercury. Not good. So all this resolution talk means nothing if it doesn't fit on my TV with faded colors. I don't want anything fancy. Just 1080p with HDR probably. Nothing too big. 

Anyway, AC: Origins doesn't impress me. 

Hooray, more shooters. Ugh. Player Unknown's Battlegrounds. 

Another exclusive. Shooting and Mining? Bad voice acting. Deep Rock Galactic. 

Ok seriously fuck the guy saying Yehh at everything. 

Exclusive. Post-apocalyptic. Army? Zombies? Really? Yawn. At least be a bit creative. The animation kinda sucks. Not even fluid  So it's a tower defense thing? Cars. Boomer. Yeah, this is utter shit. This fucking trailer is so long. Pretty boring. State of Decay 2. Next. 

Exclusive. Ooh nice design. Uh what the fuck? What? Darwin Project. The Shoutcaster ruined it. 

Minecraft? Again? I thought we were over that. Next. I don't know how you make Minecraft more detailed with bigger resolution.

Japan. Hilarious. Little crazy. Fun. Oh. It's Dragon Ball. Never mind. The layout reminds me of the old DB games. Like Ultimate Battle 22 or something. (Yeah, I’m old.) But you know, updated. Like Guilty Gear or Skullgirls or Marvel vs. Capcom or something. Dragon Ball Fighter Z. Nice. 

Exclusive. Looks beautiful. MMORPG? I'd play this. Not gonna lie. Black Desert. Ok. 

Exclusive. Another post-apocalyptic. That cinematography looks nice. Wait what. Pixel characters. Wow. The Last Night. Yeah, is definitely play that. Very cyberpunk. 

Exclusive. Ok. I like quirky designs like this. Johnson Vendetti. Nice guitar lol. What the fuck is this. Lol. The Artful Escape. (Coming when it's damn ready.) Alright cool. 

Code Vein. Sick. Don't know what it is but it's anime as fuck. Bandai Namco. Oh ok. 

Sea of Thieves. Exclusive. Shared world. Yeah, but I like single player games. I'm not into the pirate scene either. Looks fun though. 

Exclusive. Oohh. Space. Tacoma. 

Exclusive. What. Fox thing. What. FEED ME SEYMOUR. *Exhausted sigh* I don't know anymore. Fart joke from an onion. Fantastic. I'm sure kids will enjoy this. Super Lucky's Tale.

Exclusive. Oh my God is this Cuphead? YES FINALLY. GIMME THIS SHIT. SEPTEMBER 29. FINALLY. I LIVE FOR THIS. 

Exclusive. TERRY CREWS? BEST THING EVER. Is this Crackdown? I liked the other ones so this is good. Crackdown 3. Good. 

ID@Xbox Game Montage Time. Let's see what looks good in about 10 seconds of footage​. Unruly Heroes. Observer. Hello Neighbor, of course. Shift. Eh, not much.  

Next few games. 

Exclusive. Stylistic. Oooh. Wow, these characters have no faces. Light and Darkness themes. This looks really nice. Ashen. 

SQUARE ENIX WORLD PREMIERE. THEY OWN MY ASS ALREADY. WHATCHU GOT, SQUARE? OH SHIT LIFE IS STRANGE 2. FUCK YES FINALLY OMG. GIMME THIS SHIT. WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW? BIG APPLAUSE FROM ME. IM IN. IM SOLD. WHAT? BEFORE THE STORM. 3 EPISODES? ONLY 3? FIRST ONE COMES OUT ON AUGUST 31. THAT'S SO SOON. YAAAS SQUARE. GIMME THIS SHIT. 

Middle Earth: Shadow of War. Alright. I don't know what other Middle Earth game I played. I think it was Shadow of Mordor. I loved it. Oh God. So much for being an optimist. Yeah I'd play this. By the way, the acting and facial capture is amazing. Brûz is funny as hell. 

Exclusive. AW SHIT. PIANO GUY. WHAT IS THAT CUTE LEMUR THING? That's a frog... and a giant spider. Nice owl. Ohhh noooooooo. Great music. Ori and the Will-o-the-Wisps. I love it. 

Hey, Sony. Where's your backwards compatibility?! YOU HAVE A GREAT LIBRARY BUT COME ON. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE TO ANOTHER SERVICE FOR BACKWARDS COMPATIBILITY. 

Your last presenter is from EA? Really? New IP. OH. BIOWARE. Anthem. Oh wow. This looks really nice. This looks pretty crazy. So is this basically BioWare's answer to Destiny? But will this have a good story? Lol they think players talk to each other like this. I'd play this. But I'll probably do it single player. 

Right now, I don’t really have an incentive to upgrade to a 4K-ready console like the Xbox One X or the PS4 Pro. Some of the games showcased at Microsoft’s Briefing looks nice. I’d probably borrow my brother’s Xbox to play exclusives like Ori and Cuphead.