#fuck my learning disability
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Hey, if you have speech impediments, you are so amazing.
If you stutter or have a lisp or misspeak easily or you have a flat affect or a limited verbal vocabulary or if your voice is AAC or if you just have a difference in your vocality, you are so incredibly important and amazing.
Just know that your voice is yours. Nobody will ever be able to truly take it away. Your voice is part of you, and you deserve to make it as true to you as you deem fit. I hope you have the space to grow with your voice and whatever about it makes it unique.
#positivity#disability positivity#partially because so much of voical differences arise from disability#i've developed a really annoying lisp-ish issue#and it's hard to be positive about it because it makes me feel like i'll be treated as lesser because it's a 'childish' affect#but i literally can't help it unless i spend 110% of my focus on it. and i don't have that amount of energy#but it makes me think about others and especially those who have it more intensely than i do#and i just want to uplift everybody because vocal differences are neutral at worst#man my dad always tells a story about this coworker he had who had a stutter like you wouldn't believe...#...and he was fucking BRUTALIZED for it... 'c-c-c-c-CAN YOU GET TO THE POINT?!' is how people would talk to him...#...and obviously that made his stutter twice as fucking worse and i can't imagine the shame and humiliation that followed...#...i hope he learned that those assholes were a fucking waste of time and that he doesn't have to deal with that...#...like i'm sorry but there is no fucking need to be that sadistic toward somebody who is obviously already anxious and worried
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im not ok i will never be normal about this guy again happy disability month
#the specific feeling of telling urself over and over that __ will fix it#only to learn that nothing will fix it and even if you try it will still be there even if you try to push on and ignore it#that its not an injury that can be fixed with surgery or a diet issue or lack of exercise or psychosomatic… that its you. aaaaa#THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A COMEDY ANIME BRUH WTF WAS THAT#i felt his pain thru the screen his fucking face when kusuke said that….my heartttttt#saiki k#saiki kusuo#physically disabled#im so fucked up over this dumb show why did it hit so close 2 home
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It’s fun being in a fandom that literally doesn’t exist
If there is anybody out there that enjoys the book series Upside Down Magic by Sarah Mlynowski, Lauren Myracle, and Emily Jenkins, please please make yourself known because I have been alone for too long
Dritten! 💜
#Seriously if you’re a fan of UDM I would be more than happy to talk to you about it#You can just imagine the disgust and horror on my face as I watched the Disney adaptation#fuck you disney#If you’re neurodivergent I highly suggest this book series#it tackles learning disabilities so well#Not only that but the book has good racial diversity#and so many different family dynamics#The characters have a lot of depth for a series made for 11 year olds#It’s called a dritten because it’s a mix of a dragon and a kitten!#She originally had spikes but they looked wonky so I removed them#anyone else enjoy saying purple in a funny voice#Porple#Bring the fandom to life#Nory Horace#Nory#upside down magic#udm#Dritten#dragon#kitten#Fanart#Book recommendation#book series#fantasy books#Modern fantasy#Juvenile fiction#My art#digital art#Art#artists on tumblr
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idk whats wrong with me.
I'm trying to exercise, eat healthier, get enough sleep. Just like the doctors say.
But I'm still, STILL, so..so tired. So unbelievably exhausted. I'm starting to think I might have ME or something. Fibro is supposed to be able to be managed with diet and exercise, according to my doctors *rolls eyes*.
I want to work hard like I used to. I want to have bright ideas and feel passion. I do, sometimes, but it's so hard to break through the fog and pain and exhaustion, and it doesn't last. I feel like I'm constantly trying to hide how stupid I am, I'm afraid my coworkers will find out how hard I'm really struggling. All the stuff they praise me for seem like they were all achievements from Before the illness, I don't feel like that person anymore.
But what am I supposed to do? I have to work, I have to make enough to stay out of my parents house. I can't go back there. So I'll keep fighting, hiding, crying, and doing my best to improve my health, even if that's only out of desperation.
#wrenfea.exe#chronic disability#chronic pain#spoonie#fibromyalgia#disability#chronic illness#chronic fatigue syndrome#myalgic encephalomyelitis#im so thankful my job is so patient and forgiving but i feel like that will run out#i mean i meet all my deadlines and i try to be as energetic and helpful in meetings as i can#but i get confused often#and keep needing things explained to me#i feel like im having trouble grasping concepts that arent that hard to grasp#like why can't i understand a simple fucking excel sheet or the simplest type of data analysis#i just have so much anxiety about analysis and data when its not that bad right?#but i feel like a child learning their multiplication tables
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*takes you by the hand as gently as I can*
You can dislike Maya without turning her into a one dimensional villain that serves no purpose to the story.
You can dislike Maya without disparaging the story and message the show is trying to convey.
You can hate Maya without moralizing your hatred. You can just hate her. It’s okay.
#i hear the sunspot#hidamari ga kikoeru#im just so tired of people shitting all over maya because she’s not perfect#she is complex and nuanced and maybe if given more than. oh i don’t know. one episode? we will see the complexity and nuance that is there#we had 7 episodes to learn about how kohei handles losing his hearing and he was offered grace#and i need you all to understand that i also don’t fucking like maya#she is an unlikable character#but thats kind of the point#but everyone’s reaction to her just proves her incorrect point about how people treat others with disabilities#yall can just say she’s unlikable without saying she’s pointless and why is she even friends with kohei anyway#yall can just say she’s unlikable without questioning the entire show#i’m gonna need everyone to take a minute and just think. think about how young she is. think about what she is actively losing#think about WHY she is behaving this way before jumping down her throat because she isn’t the perfect disabled person#and genuinely i want you to sit with my next question for a minute. just sit with it. i don’t need to know your answer#whether its yes or no that is between you and yourself#but i need you guys to think#would you hate maya this much if her gender was swapped?#would you have the same issues with how she’s acting if she were a boy instead of a girl?#again i don’t need to know your answer#but if you think your answer might be no…i want you to examine that#anyway that’s all. be careful how you approach me in talking about this btw. cause i have had it with the treatment of maya#i don’t want to defend characters i don’t like but some of the takes i’ve seen are just plain wild y’all
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Reblog this if you're a high-functioning person with ADHD who has been told "you don't have ADHD" because you're high-functioning.
#my psych whose been practicing for 40 yrs said I have ADHD then my family who have no medical or psych knowledge are like NUH UHHHH#yes I did relatively well in paramedic school and college and I learn quickly#YES I am advancing in my career#but it was the most difficult things I've ever done plus I had to seek out therapy and medication#like#ADHD kicks my entire ass every day#it's a fucking disability for a reason!#adhd#actually adhd#add#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#akira screams into the void#disability#adhd masking
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well, shit is getting straight up untenable in Australia!
that's why we got a new bio, also because we are sick of the anon's just block us damn.
but no legit, they are fucking up the NDIS and THAT IS BAD, it's literally the only governmental support for all disabled people in Australia by the way it's the "national disability insurance scheme" aka NDIS.
so uh BAD, real bad, extremely bad, uber bad.
there's more, uh so yeah!!!! FUCK MAN.
I do hope people don't die, because this is just going to lead to people seeking help from the gov't dying in the meantime.
or if the gov't says "yeah your not disabled (is disabled) get zero accommodations loser" then well that's BAD.
I already know like tons of people who couldn't get NDIS money and they were straight up disabled, and people who desperately needed those accommodations and couldn't because the government just straight up would not listen and help them.
it's pretty fucking telling that more than half the disabled people I know in Australia literally could not get on the NDIS.
this is just making a already shit situation worse, I haven't been able to go to the dentist, GP, or the eye doctor people in more than 5 Years!!!!
FIVE FUCKING YEARS, I know people who are straight up 2 seconds away from being homeless due to not being able to work and not being able to apply to the NDIS.
like it's fucking bad, if your parents won't boot you off your centrelink you can't get your own centrelink and can't access any accomodations or disability money, if your blak (aka aboriginal) your just extremely fucked already now times that by 4.
like dude, THIS IS SHIT.
and I know disability ally's are mostly American based, but by fuck WHAT THE FUCK, THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN.
the NDIS is not perfect there's shit ton of corruption and scammers-
(I actually know a family who's like legit scamming the NDIS lol no I don't mean like "oh those physically disabled's" I mean like they are using the money on like 3d printers and shit lol they are assholes and racists)
but like, it was barely working for people before. this is going to take the people it was barely working before and fuck them over too.
it's gonna fucking suck man, I am fucking scared for everyone.
#-pop#activism stuff#disability#NDIS#auspol#ausgov#actually disabled#physical disability#invisible disability#cripple punk#cripplepunk#THE FUCK MAN#I know it doesn't sound that bad to the uninitiated but I grew up in the 2000s and you have 0 idea how expensive disability shit is without#the support from the government my family LITERATELY WENT INTO DEBT#I can't get diagnosed with ADHD and get meds. I can't even go to the GP for fucks sake without it being insane money#I have learning disabilities life is already hard as shit to navigate now add on the insane amount non-critical healthcare is?#FUCKED. it's so fucked.#disability advocacy#disability awareness#disability rights
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Someone pissed me off a couple of days ago
So! Below are several links to programs and foundations that promote adult literacy! Hundreds of millions of adults world wide were failed by their education system and now must fend for themselves while trying to read contracts and hospital bills and infographics from the CDC. But they don't have to be alone, and it is never too late to learn!
ProLiteracy: A network of educators, researchers, and advocates which provides research reports, learning materials, and other support to adult education programs. They assist with connecting volunteers to local programs and provide guidance and support to community leaders trying to use their programs' findings to advocate for social and political change.
Adult Literacy League: An adult education program in Central Florida, which aims to provide students with one on one attention to foster growth and confidence. It also offers English Second Language courses and job skills training, and each new student receives a comprehensive assessment to determine the best plan for them.
Saint Vincent and Sarah Fisher Center's Foundational Skills Program: A 100% free adult education program aimed at adults reading below a fifth grade level. It operates year round and is either in person or remote, and they now have a GED testing center that is open to students and the public alike.
Washtenaw Literacy: A free network of trained tutors for adults in Washtenaw County, Michigan.
Adult Learning Program (Las Vegas/Clark County): Free education classes to those lacking a high school diploma, those seeking to learn ESL, and adults who read below an eighth grade level. Also assists in students' search for gainful employment. Nevada got so fucked by COVID and the education/literacy numbers in the South West are grim. Please help these guys.
Hawaii Literacy: In addition to helping adult residents of Hawaii Island learn to read and write AND bridging the education gap in Hawaii's underserved children, they offer computer literacy classes, ESL classes, and a bookmobile. 1 in 6 Hawaiian adults struggle to read and write.
#Not Stories#mutual aid#adult literacy#'uuhhhggg its soooo disappointing when i meet a girl who's like 'yeah omg i luv 2 read'#'and then she only reads booktok trash and grocery store thrillers and manga'#'like come on thats such a turn off :/'#'like aren't you bored??? what about reading The Foundation and War & Peace and Grapes of Wrath where's THAT girl haha'#nobody gives a shit what sort of high school reading list gets your dick stiff! NOBODY!#I'm too busy dealing with the fact that most public education systems hate students of color and anyone with a learning disability#from the very bottom of my very dyslexic heart go fuck yourself#'this chick only read 8 books in twelve months lmfao thats so pathetic'#'i read eight books a MONTH some people really give up after high school'#do you think my great grandfather or his father got to fucking finish high school????#or were they busy getting fucking shot at in germany in two different fucking wars????#thank every god you wanna name that my lunatic mother stopped abusing me long enough to put me through FIVE YEARS OF TUTORING#to get ME literate because that's what it fucking took#I watched more than one kid from my underserved semi rural district drop out at 17 or 16 or 15#because their parents needed a third paycheck or they were gonna lose the goddamn house#10% of my majority black school district graduated FUNCTIONALLY ILLITERATE and not an ounce of it was those kids' fault#our racist ass school district failed them and the district did NOT protect my white ass when I was diagnosed dyslexic#the adult literacy crisis is not about you getting a girlfriend who can discuss Ayn Rand with you#the adult literacy crisis is about us being exploited and neglected and made easier to control and manipulate#reading is FUCKING HARD and learning to read after the age of six is SO MUCH HARDER#so from the VERY very bottom of my VERY very dyslexic heart#FUCK. YOU.
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The fact that I'm taking a graduate level course and have a professor use "mental ret*rdation" in their slides infuriates me to no end.
Like, I mean no end. I'm trying my best to anonymously get it addressed within the department so that way the professor could correct it and make an announcement about its correction.
I'm also looking through the required textbook, and uh...
[Alt Text: picture of a man looking down one on one side with a blurred shadow of him looking scared or shocked on the other side. The photo is described as "image of dissociative identity disorder" end image description]
And a lot of calling mental illness madness, insanity, and even "minds of disturbed people."
It was published in 2021. (Sociology of Mental Disorder by William C. Cockerham if anyone wants to give it a shit review with me)
At this point I want the class to turn into a mad studies course. If you want to have that language so fucking badly then give the mic to the people who try to reclaim it. If you can screw up this badly, then start making it up to the ones you've screwed over.
But yeah a lot of my time about this class is pointing out how bad it is.
#and this post isnt even about the actual content! don't worry I haven't actually learned anything a month in#and see many inaccuracies#my therapist read some screenshots of the book I sent him and said the fuck out loud#r slur#r slur tw#ableism tw#sanism tw#mad punk#disability#disability rights#rant#disability advocacy
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Honestly the worst thing about being raised by and around professors is that I can't really do the whole students bitching about professors thing even when I mostly agree with it, because my whole life I have been hearing the professor's side of the story. Every time someone talks about how ridiculous mandatory attendance or participation is there's a part of me that starts loudly protesting about how actually being in class is really important for learning, and it must be so hugely frustrating for the professor when students just don't show up to your class half the time and then when they do show up they're playing sudoku on their computer.
#dylan says things#and I say this as someone who historically has not been great about attendance due to things both in and outside of my control#and I know disabilities are a factor for a lot of people and I'm not saying they shouldn't be accommodated.#but I've had professors who have done truly so much to make it possible to attend their class. like you can go in person and on zoom#and a lotta wiggle room for making up missed classes#and people will still complain about it#and most of the time these things are only like 5-10% of your grade#and at a certain point it's like dude you're literally paying to go to school#and now you're complaining that you have to go to school and do school things#if you stop giving them all your money they will stop asking you do the thing you're paying to do#and again I am not exempt from this getting to my morning class is fucking impossible a lot of the time#and that sudoku thing in the main post was absolutely a self-callout#but like. idk. Professors are not evil they are people who are trying to do their jobs#anyways. I think I often find that my attitude towards academia is not aligned with my friends#like sometimes people will tell me that it doesn't really matter that much as long as i graduate#and I understand the sentiment and largely agree with it but also at the end of the day I want to like. Learn stuff and do good work#anyways. sorry for my weird rambling i just have a lot of thoughts about university that i never really share with anyone
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"Pro" tip: If you're somebody who doesn't always need things like braces or crutches or anything like that, and so you're thinking to yourself, "I won't need this for today, my pain isn't that bad!"
Don't listen to that, that is the devil speaking. Bring your aids with you just in case, because a good day can quickly end on a sour and painful note. It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
#disability#disability advice#guess who is learning this the hard way over and over again :)#because i am stubborn and too confident in my body's ~ability~ to not fuck me over for a good portion of the day#cannot remember if i have made a post like this but hopefully this starts holding me accountable
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weirdly, one of my favorite things about my chronic pain hc is how kenny will never get better
there is no magic cure
there is no way he can heal
the closest thing to a remedy would be painkillers, nothing permanent
there is not a moment in which it just, poof, goes away
he will just get progressively worse and worse, no way to fix it
he will never get better
the only thing he can do is learn how to cope with it, find his own strategies and get through life at his own pace
and his friends will obviously feel helpless - who wouldn't? but they'll have to get used to it, and help kenny be as comfortable as he can
and i think that's beautiful
#i live for characters not getting better#just increasingly being more fucked up#and having to learn how to cope with all of it#mainly someone like kenny who i feel like would struggle with accepting the need to use mobility aids#or not even want to take painkillers#idk he'd struggle but he'd...not get better physically but at least learn how to deal with all of it mentally<3#south park#south park au#south park fandom#south park hcs#south park headcanons#south park fanfiction#kenny mccormick#kenny sp#kenny south park#disabled kenny my beloved#kenny mccormick headcanons#kenny mccormick hcs#my au#my hcs#disability headcanon#chronic pain#starlight chronicles
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On one hand I'm so so excited for more people to meet mithrun in the anime and go nuts over him.
On the other I am so worried about folks not being cool about their bad ass fucked up fave needing caregivers.
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#people are gonna cure his disability i jsut know it and it hurts#my man's arc is not about a cure#its about learning to want to live again with what he has#he will improve but he will always need help#and thats beautiful#i love my little vegetable scraps man#i hold him so close to my heart forever and always#anyway#i need someone to write a fic about kabru falling for mithrun and taking on all of the care duties#only to get burnt out and realize he needs help#and everyone rallying around them both to pitch in while kabru tangles with the feelings of it all#cause its really fucking hard and often unrealistic to do all the work of a caregiver for your SO#especially if youve got a job like royal advisor#ESPECIALLY if its royal advisor for Laios
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the "disabled people need it!" argument for generative AI is insane because it completely misses the point. like yeah, i get it, it could be great if disabled people who genuinely cannot bring themselves to type or hold a pencil could have a way to create anyway. I really do understand why that's an attractive idea, I am aware that some disabled people just can't draw or paint or write and it's not their fault and there's nothing they can do about it. That doesn't make gen AI use ethical. The problem isn't that your art becomes soulless and Bad because you didn't put your blood sweat and tears into it (I don't like gen AI art for this reason too but I am aware it's subjective and don't use it as an argument), the problem is that generative AI is killing the environment, stealing from artists who never gave their permission to have models trained on them, and the democratization of gen AI is just asking for misinfo and propaganda to be more common (it's already bad enough).
#it's the same thing as with the people who can't be fucking bothered to you know try to pick up a pencil and learn how to draw despite#having the full capacities to except these people are more easy to mock#the whole “i need to use generative ai to make ”art“ because i can't do it myself and i don't have money” argument is full of#also this argument generally gives me the vibe of “if you're too disabled to make ”good“ art you HAVE to use gen ai because art that is bad#has no worth to mei believe everyone who's good at art has an innate talent and did not in fact work to get that way therefore this level i#inaccessible to me"#which makes me want to rip my hair out#ai art#ai discourse#mumblings//
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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