#fuck im actually so stressed abt this
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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ohhhh my fucking god nobody needs to like know any of this medical tmi but it is literally 11 pm and if im kept up one minute longer when i just laid down trying to go to sleep by my mother YELLING REPEATEDLY that she needs to pee. im going to actually go insane. she got a catheter in. Yesterday. it is working. she won't listen to anyone when they tell her that this is the case. help me jesus. im sure if a nurse comes to check on her tomorrow they'll probably get the same response. my brain will simply explode
#crow.txt#the absolute levels of stress im under could create diamonds out of free floating carbon atoms my fucking god#can i have. Literally just one day of peace. just one!! fuck!!!!#at least now i have SOME validation from everyone else of shit that mom has honestly kinda always done#be absolutely furious and bitchy usually for no good goddamn reason and then immediately turn it off to look good in front of someone else#i had a feeling mom coming home was gonna be utterly miserable sooner rather than later#i literally cannot leave my room without her yelling for dad bc she thinks im him i guess. she has gotten him up like 4 times now#what the fuck do you want any of us to doooooooooooo. according to dad shes also just been really fucking hateful today#including to her SISTER who has been facilitating literally everything medically for her for the last month plus#like on one hand i know its hard and frustrating etc etc absolutely. on the other. what the fuck are you yelling at any of us for!#whatd we do! not a damn thing for the most part! holy shit im exhausted#and then im sure she will have the audacity to wonder why i dont really want to interact with her much rn#its very apparent she doesnt really understand whats going on or how much of anything works at this point including hospice care#but i truly cannot help you when your knee jerk response is to yell and be abusive. like. dads not been great either#bc hes also one to bitch and moan and yell abt shit. but like. so is mom. more than usual#and ill actually be damned if i let her treat me like that honestly ever again. like idk for once i can just#walk away from this behavior with zero consequences. i dont have to take it anymore. im not free but at least im fuckin closer than i was#guess my aunt wasnt kidding when she said her being coherent and rational last week might be the calm before the storm
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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game
#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party#would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful#temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor#osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on#throné . girlie im so sorry#i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3#do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food#i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho#same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her#who am i missing .. CASTTI#shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god#and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era#would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way#.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what#also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it#i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine#his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined#wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag
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I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au
this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂
i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl
#ask#anonymous#this is ALSO funny to me bc of 'mad scientist' and 'flower hivemind au' in the same paragraph. it reminds me of an old scrapped idea#i had about where tf the flowers even came from in the first place but i ended up never doing anything w/ it#i've been thinking abt composite au though uag i want to do more w/ it... rip the unfinished refs and one google doc thing i have#shaking myself like ITS OKAY IF THE STORY KINDA SUCKS AT FIRST!! YOU NEED TO START SOMEWHERE#cus i mean i wouldve never gotten anywhere w/ Certain Things had i not started with the og shitty versions. which were SHIT#but its wild to think ~7 years later i transmogrified them into the things they are now. wack. makes me wonder what will happen#to stuff im making now later down the line if i go and revisit it. SO CONCLUSION YES BITCH GET OVER YOUR FUCKING ANXIETY#i think my other problem is i'd loveee to reveal it slowly with like art pieces comics etc but i dont got time for that 😔😔#CURSE WITH LITERALLY EVERYTHING I MAKE TBH not just fandom shit but original shit too. i need to get over myself#cause i do know respectfully not everyone has the skill/time/desire to pick apart things for symbolism so a clearer explanation#would prob be more accessible. and easier for ME TOO TO HAVE SHIT IN ONE FUCKING PLACE MAN. actually how i've been taking notes lately#sorry these are some longass fucking tags im talking to myself. just went into a new academic year w a lot of stress#so thinking abt my own crazy stories keeps me sane and makes me feel like i have control over at least SOME aspect of my life#anyways circling back mad scientist len sounds incredible lowkey though lmao. its always the stem lens 😔💔✌️#JK?? but i do joke abt composite au len partly going insane bc he's a biochem major essentially so yeah bitch i fucking get it 😭 no wonder
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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am I overreacting yes or no QUICKLY
#the thing is im not reacting in any way on purpose so like#is it even me overreacting or is it the evil troll in my head#plus i think this is a perfectly adequate reaction to literally everything in my life going to shit at once yay✨️#actually i havent engaged in any substance abuse or self harm or homicide so i think. if anything. im underreacting#anyway fuck everything and everyone bla bla bla my life will never be the same nl#bla bla bla im forever ruined BORING#where is the part where i burn down my childhood home ? where is the drama the action etc etc#im tired of the fucking endless crying and self pity like eeeeeew#i wanna go back to turing the pain into really weird and fucked up writing#not crying until i get wrinkles#i know i posted all that shit abt being at peace with your aging but apparently I LIED#bc this stress has made me have so many new random wrinkles and i HATE them and i hate feeling ugly on top of feeling like shit#im gonna go sniff some botox until i look 4 months younger <3#tw
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something invokes the carnal rage in me when a grown man rages like a two-year old over a video game
#it makes me think of the mothers trying to act like theyre defusing an already blown up bomb and it's literally just#idk#it just gives me the ick im srry the moment i hear one 'me' entitled statement and it's not like#clearly burnt out 'i kinda know im being ironic' ventong#venting LMAO#and just genuine sorrow for urself#over a Digital Game#i just cant srry#maybe it's my youngest to an older brother who everyone gets the ages flipped around Not just from looks but actual Acting#syndrome#and of course context plays a part too like if u have a stressful af job and just wanted to rewind? understandable. id be pissed too#but mfers who just Sit there and continue to stink the whole room up is like. ok. get some air or smthin#i do Not fuck around with throwing or damaging expensive shit ESPECIALLY if u did not pay for it#idk im naturally good at video games i think only bcs i only had access to old one that were way above my age audience#so i had to develop a sense of patterning not just to have competition but to just play the game at all#but still i have gotten frustrated at games bcs everyone gets frustrated at smthing#but usually now. at my grown age. (even tho i Rarely ever game anymore bcs i cant rlly so anything not active in my mind#bcs of Guilt and Constant Dread of Judgement)#when i find myself getting frustrated it's bcs im purposefully either playing a harder level/mode/with better ppl so i can advance#and the advancing is just not happening#i acknowledge that and accept not every difficulty can be passed at one time or at all sometimes in my limited time/care so i just either#Shut it Off. or go back down to a pace i know can just be carefree#i DO have a thing where i Need to end on a win. which is not good bcs i do that with everythin (like sports) in order to justify me quittin#but if i have to get out of the rlly competitive lobby to get my dopamine then i will bcs this is meant to give u that#anyways it's just insane. ted complains abt superfocus while being superfocused himself on the concept of superfocus#the neverending story#DO anything not active** idk it's my fear of death maybe that i disease myself with everything needing a purpose when it comes to gain
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hi
#yall ths art block is so bad its actually making me so stressed out😭😭😭#its been awful plenty of times before BUT THISSS???IT FEELS NEVER ENDINGGG#so fucking frustrating-__- and i was finally working on smth i had started to like yday#but i hit this mid point where i didnt know How 2 break thru from like .. rough > finished#and im like T__T . brah . head in my hands#IDK WHAT TO DOOOOOOO . < lamenting . < woe is me .#sry i luv talking abt it . its therapeutic tbh . what do u guys do when u are in this position#i also try to go back to basics and j do gesture studies until i feel more capable#but im like shakig the bars of my cage . let me do smt fun again. please ❤️ PLEASEE ❤️#i think part of it is also imposter syndrome whre like .. u see so many people u look up to doing so many cool things w their art#and its like . falling back into the trap of comparison and feeling like nothing u make can replicate the feeling of seeing those other#things ykwim🤔#sick in da head . i think its also a twt issue#like ever since i started posting on there ive been feeling like i have 2 make . quote unquote good things which . obviously dookie sentimen#bc any art is objectively good art there isnt like . U CANT BE BAD YKWIM HELP#but when i j posted to tumblr it was like . u send it off like slapping a horse on the ass and u see it ride away and its so lowkey#and fun.. the community here is so muchc fun .. j dont feel pressured here#smiles sweetly#<gi influence#maybe ill delete the app 4 a while until i feel normal again#guys we need to kill all social media#guys we need to go back to drawing sheep on rocks (<giotto ref(#if i had 2 elaborate ig it feels like . i am following the path of most resistance -__- like wading hesdstrong in2 waves that keep pushing#me back . theres so much i want to do Wish i could do but its like damn i can barely draw like two complete things over the course of 2-3 mo#from how HARD IT ISSS🚶and my aphantasia compounds it . fumbling arnd in a dark room hoping smth sticks#graa.. i think its the realization that i couldnt ever do art professionally bc im such an obstinate artist T_T#tbh saying all this now its like looking up in2 the eyes of all my art insecurities looming over me#CASTING 100 FT SHADOWWWW🧍#whteve . check back on me in 2 months hopefully i feel normal ab it then
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gregnant
anton belongs to @poicyss
#someone help them LMAO#im all kinds of panic induced stress rn so. woe pregant auggie be upon ye#shes very excited but also extremely fucking nervous and couldnt think of any other way to break the news#also because how do you deal with the spawn of a literal shadow creature. what the fuck do u do#im sure theyve probably discussed the possibility of being parents once in a while but not like actually intended to conceive#idk much else though ive never been pregnant. shrugs#i think her bump is probably smaller bc vincent forms as a dog before he takes on human form a couple months after being born#so the fetus is smaller.. although its more obvious when shes in her animal form so she doesnt transform while pregnant just in case#can you tell ive thought abt this a normal amount#my art#myart#doodles#my oc#friend oc#augusta#anton#suggestive#?#i mean kinda..? its implied this is after they boink but not much else#oc lore
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crying on the public transport
#all my applications are falling apart and I'm too stressed to do anything about it ✌️#Im so behind on everything and every day I wake up and continue not to work on any of it#Haven't spoken to anyone except cashiers since Tuesday I have 0 emotional regulation#and I genuinely do not know what to do if I don't get in#I applied to 2 masters but I don't really want to#like i could take a year off but I might actually kms if I have to live with my mother#and while I really want to just go back to the fatherland and stay with my dad that entails giving up all my personal freedoms#bc I can't drive and public transport is shit#and I if I'm taking a year off I might as well get my mental health in check? which I cannot do over there without paying lots of money#which my family could do but that entails me actually talking to them and opening up and also everyone being really cool abt it#like genuilenly no idea what the fuck I'm going to do if I don't get in
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also ok maybe had a weird little freak moment yesterday :/ i was with lydia and needed to eat my godawful shitass sushi before going to the library so anyway who do i spot but the roommate with some random guy naturally and im like lydia pause i need to be a stalker but so casually for just like a sec. (this is in a downstairs like cafe/hallway/elevators area) so i stall and then we go to check for a free room to sit in and when there r ppl in it we just go back near the cafe area and theyre over in this little. alcove. of a sitting area. lounging. and im so normal and rlly naturally glanced over a couple times hoping to god the guy didnt see me cause luckily roommate was faced away. anyway. but lydias screenaging it up so im just sitting there awkwardly. and i have to walk past them at one point to get soy sauce to drown the sushi in and maybe that made me look like a weird little stalker too. well again this is if the guy even knows who i am and prob not so whatever its like fine. but like yeah and then i def saw them getting up and then on the elevator to leave so i think my skittish little creature tendencies scared off the vibe from across the room even... and i didnt just wave like a normal person bc i wasnt sure they saw me but we've spotted each other at much greater distances there's simply no way. i was treating them like what the kids call an 'opp' kinda... me when im an anxious little beast...
#and me when i type up a long paragraph abt like nothing happening! <3#um. and i am overthinking and in my defense. ill lament one more time. HAVENT HAD MY ANXIETY MEDS IN DAYS. so plz be nice..#and lydia joked abt how i was a little weird. which i was. but now im like fuckkkkk man we're never hanging out again...#they also went back to like one of my stories theyd seen this morning so its like wowwwwww so youre literally obsessed w me..#anyway. still being so strong and leaving it to them to make a rain check plan if they wanna. and if not thats so hashtag chill#also ive barely seen sam this week which is like nice but i found out they last second saw the eclipse together#and again not that i think i would come up or w/e but i did have sam off my close friends for a while bc he was stressing me out. yk.#and im not sure if um... that would have become evident... doesnt actually matter who gaf#but yeah also naturally hes seeing one of the coolest most beautiful talented creative etc girls in the film major rn#on top of his little fuck buddy. and im not being a bitter little incel abt the fact that hes got bitches and i dont.#bc its like. whatever. too much going on rn to have bitches. tho ill stick to my guns in saying some good sex could fix me a little#yayyyy i love talking#abby talks
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Not to give too much info abt my current job but 0/10 would not recommend working directly under a politician
#exli speaks#they can be such snakes#which is hilarious bc they think theyre so slick and graceful about it and its soooo annoying#saying what you do is fucked up regardless of if you say it plainly or try to sound nice about it so lets not beat around the bush OK?#my office job is a little stressful rn#ill give it another 3 months after this to decide if its for me-- im just nervous abt if ill actually ever find a job im long-term comfortab#le in#ANY ADVICE? LMAO
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🐰🩹🧸🏨
#i hate being in pain like this#bc it completely takes over my life. like im incapable of thinking of anything else#im incapable of relaxing or enjoying anything. i cant do important things. cant do anything else but sit still nd be in pain#it just renders me completely useless and makes me stop functioning properly#im just a hopeless mess made of anxiety nd sadness. idk why but i just hyperfixate on it and i cant 'let go' or relax or not think abt it#idk how other ppl do it.... i wish i wasnt like this bc it's awful. it's like the only thing that exist nd ever will exist is this pain 4evr#im dramatic i know but it genuinely feels like my entire life is over and i'll ever know is pain nd nothing will ever get better again#im so caught up in it i cant see anything else but my pain. i cant think of the future bc do i have one?? i dont know#im just not feeling good at all. and everything feels bleak and depressing and i dont want it :((#i cant have any fun or nice moments at all and im just tired of life#i feel so fkn stressed abt all the things i need to do nd all my responsibilities and idk how i'll do them when im in this pain#i just hope it can calm down soon i just want it to be a little bit easier just a little bit#getting thru each day now is so fkn hard i barely sleep but when i do i wish i never wake up#i hate everything and it feels like my future is fucked#which makes me wanna die!! but it also makes me sad bc there is actually sm i want to live for#i dont want it all to be ruined bc i want to try to live!!!! :(#and yess im know im being dramatic but i cant help it. im weak nd im terrible at dealing w pain nd issues#im not a strong person who can withstand everything nd finds ways to live either way. maybe it's bc my will to live isnt that strong#idk. i just hate this i want it to be over. it's taking over my life nd idk how to still function like this
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light of my life
#monsterposting#i miss you so so SO MUCH im actually going fucking crazy.#so much mental stress abt fucking nothing !!!!!!!!!! throws up#i wish it was the early/mid summer again. i kno it was just here but late summer has. kinda. turned back into the depression zone#phoenix doesnt deserve a tag#roller coasters#my photos
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#i am the most neurotic person i know its actually fucking insane how aggressive and horrifically bad it gets for me i feel fucking insane#my intrusive thoughts got so bad today its driving me insane im actually losingit#just the most horribly disgusting horrific aggressive thoughts abt myself screeching in my head all day#i feel like a pacing zoo animal or parrot that plucks itself of its feathers#i am full of sooo much fucking rage and anger and all of it is directed towards myself in My Head#its unbearable#been digging at my scalp sm as a stress response its overr i stopped doing that for a hwile but im doing it again#this isnt just anxiety this is well its ocdLOL its so fucking bad evil evil evil its horrille itds torture oh my god#nobody understands how bad it is#fucking hell!!#i wish ppl could understadn how severe this is for me god Damn#poasting
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