#fuck dude. four years for this?

[3nderstar]

.

[hijinxinprogress]

I need the jl to discover that Captain Marvel is a menace

Billy gets arrested as Captain Marvel and he’s just a smug menace the whole time despite being on comms with the league “Of course, I understand the seriousness of this situation! I will absolutely comply, I completely understand that you need the code…the code is 1-3-1-2. Also, I want my lawyer 😇” which gets leaked to the press both audio and visual which leads to the jl claiming that CM had been impersonated and their only evidence is the stupid ass grin on his face

The jl was investigating the misuse of a magical artifact and discovered that a group of police officers had joined a cult. Before they had the chance to gather the evidence proving those officers guilty but they’d already sealed away the artifact so Marvel suggested getting himself arrested to incriminate them and he was a little too happy about it

Let’s be honest, Billy only gets caught by the police bc he can commit to a bit and he’s pretending to be an ancient magic immortal so why would he run from a regular civilian human?? But on the inside Billy is dry heaving and sobbing bc he knows that the police could never catch him on his worst day even if he was personally broadcasting his location

Speaking of broadcasting isn’t Billy a fucking radio host?? I know he’s a fucking asshole during commercial breaks “This next commercial reminds me of a recent encounter with officer smith who got lost three blocks from his station” and it cuts to a fucking toilet paper commercial (people swear they heard him mutter ‘bc you’re absolute shit at your job’)

Sometimes people will call in to debate his views on the police and he’ll have a three hour philosophical debate but actual cops will call in to argue with him and Billy’s making your mom jokes and playing air horn noises or 2016 vines like a fucking child 

Billy probably gets caught when he graduates high school bc his yearbook quote is like marvels most well known quote “Captain Marvel coast city precinct, interrogation room 5 (Oct 14 XXXX) 3:37-4:31” billy added too much information and it gets flagged by the watchtowers security system so the jl has a meeting about the breach in security and Marvel’s like ‘yeaaahh, that was me mb’ and batman is making disapproving noises bc ‘this is serious, Marvel! high school graduate, William-’ he can’t finish bc Marvel’s gagging dramatically ‘Billy. It’s Billy ohmygod’

batman, on the verge of a breakdown: who is this kid?? Why does he know the time, date, and location of an undercover league operation??

Marvel, avoiding eye contact with Cyborg who helped picked out his outfit for the yearbook photo currently being projected: ahaha about that…

Cyborg, who distinctly remembers telling Billy not to do anything fucking stupid: 😐

(Vic has framed the picture of the ‘oh shit’ look on Billy’s face when superman lunges across the table damn near in hysterics)

[hackoftheyear]

There are many women who have no idea how much strangers on Reddit have saved their relationship by stopping their boyfriend from doing the stupidest shit imaginable

[fidgetspringer-art]

✧ The Ardal stars ✧

[silverlistenstothings]

I was pleasantly surprised by Hermie being on the wanted poster with the rest of the teens, but the more I think about it, the funnier it is. Sure, Hermie isn’t really a threat and is just kind of trailing along, but that kid would not shut up for two fucking months with the riddles and shit and Willy wants them dead.

[boldlygoorgohome]

oof. The gorgug plot line is hitting me so close to home bro…

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

[juniestar]

Why are so many dudes not talented or funny? if you ask them “what’s your passion” it’s like “making that dough” okay NO what are you GOOD AT? ALL these men have is THEIR MUSTACHES!

[xxplastic-cubexx]

its fucking pocky day and im not going to have any time to DRAW ANYTHING FOR IT

[teenageukulelescreamo]

I feel like I’ve regained access to an OC of mine I expected to be shelved away for a long time, but she has suddenly found herself back with the original story she was going to have and it’s actually… so cool???

[helpimstuckposting]

You ever read a line you wrote and you’re like fuck, did I do that? I said that? Damn okay, alright, maybe I’m pretty good at this

[okcoolthanks]

We just did a math game and the teacher asked if I liked math b/c I was rlly good at it

My guy I’m autistic

that’s why I’m in this class

[malaierba]

Well since I'm slerpdeprived and thinking about "what's worse than two parents with issues? THREE parents with issues"

The interesting thing about the "Cain/Abel are Lucifer's child" theories is that genetically speaking it doesn't even matter. The children are made of Eve's egg and Lucifer's sperm. Eve was made from Adam's rib (assuming that the show will follow that canon?), she's made from him DNA, she's genetically his clone.

So Cain/Abel COULD be tested for the parenthood test thing and chances are they'll always match with Adam since they'll match with Eve.

So if it were to be used as a type of "gotcha, not my real dad" Adam probably wouldn't acknowledge it because not only did he raise them in life, the DNA test matches with him too.

Nevermind that he only knew his kids (who either died and went to hell, or were cursed to wander and lived for centuries, had nomad kids etc, THEN died and went to hell, assuming that that's where Cain is ofc) for like 0.05% of their existence.

Which btw, thinking about the weight and realistic importance of familial bonds forged in earth is very interesting in the context of the afterlife, especially when it comes to ancient souls. I would care who my mom/dad was in 50 years, 150 years, perhaps 500 years, but would I care in 1000 years? I suppose I would acknowledge them in title but after centuries of being an independent adult, wouldn't that change the perceived hierarchy in pretty much any relationship?

That was a tangent but it does go back to what I was originally saying:

Really it's in Cain and/or Abel's best interest that such a test is never taken. ALL it would accomplish is earn them another adult with baggage in their lives and who wants that when you're essentially as old as your human parents (give it take 5 to 20 years depending on how you think the whole Eden thing played out), as old as agriculture, older than civilization etc.

(that's of course grounds for conflict which could be interesting... You're one half of the oldest pair of tragic twins in the history of humanity, you've been a soul for longer than you were human, you kind of have other things going on... Why are your earthly parents still beefing with the devil? In true "I'm an adult and it's made me very judgemental of my parents' unaddressed immaturity", they should be like. Literally who cares. Dude I mean Dad (Adam) are you SURE you don't want to try therapy?)

Like really their only motivation may be to have a claim to the throne of hell or something but assuming that hell laws work as they do in human culture, Eve's kids would be "bastards" so they wouldn't be next in line.

If not political power, there's always the possibility of fucking up spectacularly with a series of bad deals and now they really need to have access to the Morningstar funds or be in the will or something, but hm idk. On the fence about this idea. I suppose it could be executed in an interesting way.

I'm so tired I feel like this post got away from me. No conclusion! Just more aimless rambling in the tags

[thechaotichorselord]

what a great time to be omni and androgynous

[chillisreal]

having online friends can be a headache sometimes

[elytrafemme]

today's therapy session was really enlightening which is obviously good but it was enlightening in kind of a freaky degree because i just figured out that something i have been doing for like the entirety of my life isn't actually a common thing and is probably representative of something not working right in my unconscious? dude i thought i was on top of my psychological shit but then it turns out something i wrote off as being emotionally inconvenient but presumably regular actually might be worth its own series of sessions like. what the fuck man.