#fuck dis gaem

[bam-monsterhospital]

where’s the fish?

something i’m extremely particular of when it comes to depicting sheogorath and hermaeus mora and their planes, is the fact these two mind-related beings/planes should be heavily associated with the sea. Especially deep sea creature imagery and motifs.  to my dismay, eso goes out of its way to deny all fish associations where they’re supposed to beeeeeee.

i’m just so tired of the avoidance of fish-imagery in eso.

hungers look cool buggy-like, but then i was reminded of shivering isles’ hungers and how they remind me of dead rotting fish carcasses. 

lurkers in eso look like big rock demon mans, but in dragonborn they actually looked like creatures from the black lagoon.

sheogorath wears his boring skyrim nothing tunic of swirls and eyes, rather than the fish spine and face and fin and mouth lookin outfit of shivering isles.

no fish. anywhere. 

god i miss the sea.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 3/21/2023

i didn't want to sit down and write this bc i was having too much fun playing viddy gaem

listening

IT'S QUICKER AND EASIER TO EAT YOUR YOUNG!!!

"i'm starving...darling,,," is very sexy but the way the lyrics slowly slide into something more and more horrifying until the chorus hits??? mwah. lovely.

my one critique is that this song is...breathy, for lack of a better word? does not showcase the man's magnificent pipes. oh well! there are other songs.

how'd i find this: im gay, also he is one of the most popular indie artists in the World. his first album went platinum six fucking times.

-

reading

i read all of frank miller's sin city bc im on a noir kick and i didn't have a good time. the closest i got to fun was (deadly little, always described as "deadly little") Miho, a mute japanese??? generic asian??? assassin who is tits out not in these panels but in almost all others, rollerblading around mowing down guys with her katana. that was a painful sentence to write.

i read a lot of genre fiction. i read a lot of older genre fiction. they are not written with me, a bisexual "woman", in mind. and that’s ok bc not everything has to be written with me in mind. rarely have i read something that is more For The Boys Only!!! than frank miller’s sin city. felt kind of gross and a little put off the whole time i read these and they made me a little bit upset and afraid of men in a way i have not felt since high school. now it does feel odd to go “i didn’t think this noir was very pleasant >:(“ but miller’s work feels unpleasant and distinct from, say, chandler or hammett in a way i am still having trouble articulating. it is possible that the misogyny in chandler is a flavor i already know and barely register the taste of anymore. it may be that i got tired of looking at miller's women with twelve-inch waists and nipples as full and perky as their mouths.

mostly i think the labor market in sin city is super fucked up. women in sin city exist to have their value extracted from them in a way that is different and worse than normal capitalism. like, i can see how someone would read these comics and go full SWERF. women are literal trophies, both arm candy and in a very upsetting trophy hunting way. especially in the final volume, women are machines of potential profit. aside from one landlady and one cop and one child who grows up to be a prostitute, all the women in this whole city seem to be prostitutes or prostitutes who have married up and out. like there aren’t really even any women on the street just walking or in diners. it’s all dudes.

this is probably a comics vs novels thing, but miller is often sadistic in a way that chandler is not. a guy dies on a page to make cool art. they fuckin mow through dozens of goons a volume. if a guy dies in chandler it’s usually bc chandler's philip marlowe has stumbled across a dead body accident and it becomes a tremendous pain in order to tip off the cops that a body needs retrieving without getting framed for the kill. marlowe (and by extension chandler) is a people person-- he is a detective bc he likes figuring out what makes people tick. he is alert and it's hard to get one over on him but his resting state is congenial. despite his job, he still does believe in the concept of justice.

sin city (more of a comment than a question) says "if people piss you off you should kill them." this is not to make light of the very real Situations that protagonists in sin city find themselves, but there are very few problem solving skills on display other than "apply dick" or "apply gun". VERY RARELY, "apply pussy". that last one almost never works out tho.

aside from All That, it does contain some of the best straight up art (not just comics art) ive ever seen. the command of light and shadow is incredible. the command of negative space is incredible. panels aren’t busy unless they’re showing the chaos of a scene. he doesn't draw every single brick bc that's not important to the scene. it’s really quite stunning.

also the MOVEMENT in this fringe is incredible. do u see what i mean about the nipples tho

-

watching

i gotta lotta fuckin bones to pick with the manda/lorian but they're all spoilery. this shit fucking sucks man. it's twenty fucking twenty three we have had well over a century to master storytelling through the art of the moving image.

all three eps so far have felt very weirdly edited-- like a lot of changes happened after filming and there wasn't enough time for pickups?? this is a gajillion dollar show just reshoot some shit on your little fake stage i am Begging you. at least bo-katan looked hot. god she's awful i love her

again again i say to ye, what if star wars was good? i am slightly terrified that andor may have ruined me for any s/tar wars that follows but by any metric these first three s3 mando eps are simply not good television.

-

playing

ty @pasta-pardner for gifting me Weird West some weeks ago bc it is the new thing i am obsessed with. this first trailer gives a better sense of the Vibes than the launch trailers imo

i find it is scratching a lot of the rpg itches that new vegas does: you wander around beautiful western settings running into weird shit, followed around by a hot butch you've recruited to your cause. unlike new vegas, it is a little less forgiving and you have to really scrap and loot everything that isn't nailed down.

this is a top-down action rpg with a weird little aiming system that is sort of a 3D twinstick? it takes some getting used to, and shooting is not the part of any game i am particularly good at. here's xbox wire's screenshot, which gives a good idea of how isometric it is and what enemy detection looks like. i do wish i could expand the minimap, bc some of the locations like mines or bigger towns can really sprawl.

i have one big annoyance bc it is a thing that made me take a break and sulk for a bit: as you're traveling across the map (not open world, location-based), you can run into Travel Encounters. you can decline to engage with some of them. you cannot save within or between the encounters unless you stop and make camp. if you're on a long journey to a different corner of the map, you might run into three Travel Encounters. if you die on the third, you are catapulted back to your starting point. this is tremendously annoying in the early game, so either take short trips or get good at about-facing and exiting areas quickly.

a writer i admire likes games that let him tell stories about what happened in the game to other people-- this is a game that very much facilitates that. i was ambushed during a Travel Encounter by the some outlaws, bc i accidentally let one escape while i was trying to collect a bounty on his boss, and that specific named grunt came back with a Vendetta. but! i met a dying outlaw from the band who kidnapped my character's husband in a different second encounter, swapped some bandages for a treasure map, and he is now a Friend for Life. so he showed back up to help me during that ambush AGAINST FELLOW OUTLAWS WHO SEEM TO HAVE SOME SORT OF MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING??? mWAH. DELICIOUS. LOVE SYSTEMS INTEROPERATING.

ive put like six hours into this, and it has five chapters with five different characters. i have not progressed past the first chapter bc i am having so much fun poking around. i am so so so grateful that the first character is a wife seeking revenge and not the other way around. ppl are throwing big baby tantrums in the steam forums about this but you know what? some husbands should be macguffins sometimes. widens their perspective.

i am fascinated by the drips and drabs of lore this game is feeding me. there's an order of witches with huge underground temples that (crucially!) they did not build, but have adopted for their own uses without really understanding who built them and why. i want to know so much more about their whole shit. there are werewolves but idk what their deal is bc i haven't met any yet.

i am a simple woman! i only demand perfect cowboy western-flavored rpgs and so far this is holding up. i will have more thoughts as i go along but goddamn is it fun to play. we truly do love a competent little rpg with interesting lore and good stealth mechanics that lets you loot everything in sight.

-

making

mostly fallow week, wrists hurty

made this tuna-chickpea salad for lunch. it is quite rich for a lunch. there are a lot of components that may be challenging to digest all together for a milennial with tummy troubles.

this would have definitely been improved by solid instead of cheap chunk tuna (or salmon. this would be great with canned salmon) and if i actually chopped the baby spinach instead of going "it's fine" and flinging it all in. or maybe wilting the spinach, but that's a lot of extra work and this would be a very warm, wet salad :/ the point is the chickpeas really want to sink to the bottom. i like that there is no cooking involved, only assembling, but realistically i have only half of these ingredients in my house at any given time. screengrabs from the site bc i paid a dollar but there's no reason you have to

[whyarewecalledtheshipname]

Kingdom Hearts isn't that complicated

lol here's my no context tl;dr of kh. It'll be very vague, rambly, and impossible to understand which basically defeats the whole point of this but it seemed funny to me to try as like a crack post since i havent posted much in a while:

So basically, sora and riku are best friends. They care very much about each other and u mustt understand this to understand why tf anything else happens in this universe.

In the first game, sora and riku are separated by the evil forces of Darkness. Sora goes on a whole adventure to find Riku, except Riku falls to darkness on the way and betrays sora. In the end tho, they make up and reunite. Except in the fight to contain the Darkness, sora and riku end up separated again.

In the next gaem, sora is yet again looking for riku since they were separated in the first game. The Bad Guys lure sora into their Evil Lair by implying/telling sora that riku is there. Except riku isn't, sora falls for the trap, and gets "put to sleep" as a result.

The story continues on riku's end, who is now on his own quest to "wake" sora from his "sleep". Except a few of the Bad Guys are absorbing sora's power while he's asleep, so riku has to deal with them in order to wake sora up.

We're now at kh2, when sora wakes up, presumably thanks to riku. Except they're still separated, so sora goes on another adventure to find riku. They eventually reunite and defeat the leader of the Bad Guys from before, and they can go home, roll credits, in peace, yes?

No. Because the guy they just killed wasnt actually the Final Boss, and so now sora and riku train and take a pacer test that will give them a Special Ability that will help them defeat the Final Boss (if they pass). They're supposed to be taking the test together, but mysteriously, sora and riku are separated at the beginning of the test. But even separated, they manage to work together to finish it.

Except, towards the end of the test, the Final Boss reveals himself, and reveals that he's put sora under a spell, basically, and so now, sora's "asleep". (Yes, again.) Riku (and friends) get rid of the Final Boss (for now), and riku completes his test by "waking sora up". So now riku has completed and passed his test, and therefore gains that one Special Ability that will help him defeat the Final Boss. But sora had succumbed to the sleep spell, and did not pass, and therefore does not gain the Special Ability.

So in kh3, sora goes on another adventure to gain the Special Ability, while riku uses his to enter a Dark World to search for a lost party member. Yes, they're essentially Separated Again, until sora can get the Special Ability. But nothing seems to work, until riku runs into trouble in the Dark World and sora's determination to save riku grants him the Special Ability. They reunite, find the lost party member, yada yada, until the time comes to finally face the Final Boss. And sora defeats him not by using the Special Ability but, by just. Talking it out. I guess. Lol

So the Final Boss is taken care of, the world is at peace, and sora and riku can go home, roll credits, in peace, yes?

No. Because actually, before sora defeated the Final Boss, the Final Boss kinda maybe sorta killed e v e r y o n e . And so! Sora went back in time, and used the Special Ability to bring his friends back to life. And then defeated the Final Boss as not-explained earlier. And because sora misused his Special Ability that way— he dies! Dies.

So that's it? No, because surely sora isn't truly gone, he's probably just "asleep" as fucking always, and so riku goes looking for him. Wow, role reversal.

Except, sora kinda maybe sorta is dead. But where do anime disney boys go when they die? Apparently they end up in some alternate universe purgatory until their fate is decided by disney execs.

But how would riku ever even think to look for sora in some parallel universe purgatory? Thing is, he runs into someone who's from the parallel universe purgatory, or at least the world it's based in, and she leads riku to that world. Where riku continues looking for sora, presumably to wake him up for the tenth time. Who tf knows what sora's doing tbh. It's hard to tell from the trailer lmao

Lol so that was my kh tl;dr. I coulda totally summed this up in one sentence but i settled for summarizing some story beats/plot but with no context. This would probably be better in video form so i could actually use sound bytes instead of capitalizing every overused placeholder term lol

[sword-and-lance]

((Y’know I’m beginning to think people really do not understand how ridiculously fucking hard it is to make computer components, like

Y’all

Everyone suddenly having to WFH spiked demand

The supply simply cannot spike with it because the physics involved DO NOT WORK THAT WAY

And it takes years and years to get a new plant up and running because like. Making semiconductors is fucking hard! And it’s actually not something you can just yeet money at and make it go faster! We’re fighting literal laws of physics at some point!

And if my fuckin industry, which is only exceeded in Fuck You Money by the fuckin US military, can’t get chips

Why y’all think a literal vidya gaem company like Squeenix can lmfao

I’m all for pointing out when SE’s being a dickbag but no actually they don’t have any choice here—it’s not “they don’t wanna fork out money” it’s “the stock physically does not exist regardless of money, and won’t exist for a while”

It’s almost like millions of people fuckin died or something and it’s also almost like “just in time” manufacturing the way most everyone outside of Japan implemented it was a REALLY godawful idea so now everyone’s supply chain is just buggered out the nose! And that’s not even the only two factors there either because logistics is its own fucking field of work for a reason—and that reason is it’s hella complicated!))

[liketheinferno2]

Like any other series in the world, FFXIV does have it's ups and downs. No matter what though, I think you'll find things to love and enjoy in Stormblood and i'm personally quite excited to hear your thoughts as you go through it.

Truly the WORST I've ever seen FFXIV get was still really good for an MMO. I feel like fandom types tend to get skewed certain ways depending on stuff they've been into before but after digging in the ground for cohesive characters and story in shit like Borderlands and Far Cry for years of my life I'm like hey it seems like Final Fantasy is actually a big budget popular video game series that is good. Who'd have thought THAT possible.

Nier was similar for me, just, holy shit this game is narratively complete. I don't have to feel like a suckered-in narratively-cucked idiot for expecting it to satiate my artistic mind. For so long I was the Genuinely Expects Queer Rep In The MCU Guy of gamers and now I'm playing stuff where it's like the writing was taken seriously as a piece of art, god fucking forbid, y'know?

Excuse me hijacking this sweet ask to rant about vidya gaem fanwank but I just... I enjoy Final Fantasy very very much. Generally I prefer to play stuff that HAS that wealth of content and fidelity that you can only get from a big studio but I feel like that usually comes at a cost to tight writing and emotional impact. It'd be like, common practice to discuss what parts of the story we'd "fix" or delete entirely, to go over and over what parts we hate about the thing we're ostensibly enjoying, but I'm no longer someone who's like "fuck canon I rewrite my own better version" BECAUSE THE GAME IS ALREADY GOOD. THE GAME IS GOOD!!! GOT DAMN!!!!!!!!

Like fuck me I'm thinking about Estinien a lot right now as you can probably tell but it's because I've never had a game crack into that feeling this hard before in my life. We've all met this guy. Angry difficult traumatised person who you know is in a bad situation and maybe they could get better if you could just help them out, but they don't want to leave. In real life you probably cannot save this guy, but this is Final Fantasy!

And even then they don't make it easy, the consequences for people giving up on Estinien are fucking DIRE, but it's the way this story takes you as low as you can go before letting you crawl out of there together. The process of getting you to think of a certain person as a partner or best friend or like-family to your protagonist and then taking them out in a way that makes you understand for a moment why Estinien and Nidhogg have fallen so far in grief and anger themselves. ..

And what I really love about FFXIV is it gives you a space for recovery and reflection, it's not throwing tragedy at you just for spectacle or shock. When someone dies, you mourn. When you retrieve Estinien from what was essentially a kidnapping, he's in the hospital for a while. Shit like Aymeric reaching out almost desperately for companionship after the events of Heavensward and the way they build such a protective relationship between the player and Alphinaud is like there's so much CARE in this, they take feelings so completely seriously and really that's what you need to do in a game like this. When the literal situations are all JRPG levels of absurd nonsense it's like you either go hard on the feelings or you've lost me.

There's been a big push in recent years that art has to SAY SOMETHING or TACKLE THINGS but that attitude can often be antithetical to stories that are effective and cathartic and that feel genuine. The other thing I like about FFXIV is it's weird and atypical fantasy in a lot of places but it doesn't do any of this in service of defying or subverting the tropes to make a statement or whatever the fuck. You can just have weird stuff like the GO LITTLE BETA BOY GO thing with the Tias, or that their elf-equivalent is the racial majority instead of humans, or the massive height differences any time you interact with anybody, or that the Lalafell are the little gnome wombat ruling capitalist class, without knowing that it's only weird because it's trying so hard to not be normal.

I gotta stop before I carry on forever but there's so many little good things in FFXIV that (along with the overwhelmingly caring tone of the entire game) make it a very special experience; ESPECIALLY in comparison to the stuff I used to play, so I'm pretty much enjoying everything it throws at me. :D

[wayfaringtrainers]

.

*Dies from anxiety*

So I wanted to play gaem today after I got back from work, I’d been looking forward to it most of the day.

Guess what I didn’t do.

“So what did you do instead Zichi?”

Funny you should ask. Because instead of anything productive or entertaining, I did

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING BUT ZONE OUT INTO SPACE LIKE THE BRAINDEAD MORON I AM.

[ala-mhinyan]

If I see one more Emet-Selch discourse post I’m going to literally throw up.

It’s a video gaem with nonexistent characters, let people have their fun. They arent hurting you if they like a rat man or a crystal man or a ghost man and they aren’t hurting you if they don’t like a rat man or a crystal man or a ghost man. ( Unless they are, and if they are you need to curate your social media experience and start utilizing blacklist and muting and even going so far as to unfollow people. )

That being said, please start tagging these discourse posts. I’m so tired of seeing them and would prefer to see actual content then whatever the fuck ya’ll are mad about. If not, I’m gonna start full on muting/unfollowing people until this dies down. I’m so, so tired.

[izraphaels]

i should probably post about my oblivion adventures last night so i’m going to copypaste what i messaged therin last night while she flew on a plane, posterior commentary on italicized

kono jules da Yesterday at 6:57 PM

GUESS WHO'S PLAYING OBLIVION NOW ME

kono jules da Yesterday at 7:01 PM

WOW I REALLY LIKE THIS INTRO SO FAR

fuck dude... im sad this old fart has to die... hes so cool

i am also playing this in english like a boss {i usually play games in spanish bc that’s how they come in steam}

ah fuck fuck i cant see my character during character creation that's a great start

okay let's try widescreening it my dudes

{it worked}

{tumblr doesn’t let me post the pic straight up so have a screenshot}

he's just so gaunt.

White Motherfucker™

i'm still undecided on his canonical eye color also i love his BIG nose

he's bjorn! {that’s his actual name}

jailer: you'll die in jail! bjorn: [SLAMS against celldoor]

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, HE SWEARS

he prob'ly just stole someone's shit he's long been a pickpocket methinks

uriel septim: Let me see that face. [grabs Björn by the sides of his face] bjorn: [mild discomfort noise]

bjorn: [should i stay or should i go playing in the background] {i love this weirdo so much}

all bjorn owns rn are some rags and some bones

punched some rats n looted some corpses fun

surprisingly i like bows more in oblivion than in skyrim

bows are fun! you know what's not fun? crossbows. they suck. fuck crossbows. {i don’t like skyrim crossbows. they don’t have that satisfactory feeling of regular bows} {ironically i thought i’d like crossbows more than bows}

uriel: Do you trust the Nines? bjorn: ...i don't like to think about it. {he doesn’t like to think about a lot of things} {his mantling of sheogorath didn’t come from thin air}

OH BOY LET'S THINK OF A SIGN

im gonna choose it 100% for gameplay shit but just kno his REAL zodiac sign is gonna b somethin totes diff  {it ended up not being}

kono jules da Yesterday at 8:02 PM

OK HES A THIEF AND A CAPRICORN

i likehoow {sic} i rode in the back and looked back one more time before leaving the room where i reunited w/uriel& co

just relized im pantsless rn {i’d thrown my pants away due to overencumbrance} whOOPS JCBGJBKGJGJKGH

me googling best clas s in oblivipn lile

i'm keeping Hobo Knight because it's funny and accurate. Bjorn is the Worlds Palest Hobo Bear Gay and we stan

probably a terrible build but idc i'm happy with it

me shoveling points into luck: WEIRDNESS MAGNET WEIRDNESS MAGNET

also i heard luck is way harder to raise than the rest of the stats so

bjorn: kneels before the dead emperor and tentatively stretches a hand out baurus: Don't. bjorn: takes his hand away like it's been burnt and gives baurus the stink-eye

[is lost for idk how long]

oh this this is beautiful

shes a GAMER CHICK

{that’s my cat dolce!!! i love her!!!!!!!}

uck the waalk to Gæouffrey is really fucking long

there he is... Jeff Kaplan

jumped n died rip

therinYesterday at 9:11 PM

{pause while therin tells me how she’s doing}

{LOADING FURTHER UPDATES}

kono jules daYesterday at 9:12 PM

can i just say theres been more moments ive been like whoah... beautiful game w/oblivion than w/skyrim so far LIKE SKYRIM IS OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR but i like oblivion. i like how it doesnt jitter around... i like the imperials...its gud gaem so far

also the sunset is GORGEOUS xant even capture it properly 

i like seeing my boy just run like the wind 

{pause while therin talks about jet lag}

kono jules daYesterday at 9:34 PM

also FUCKING rip ripping harder than martin septim hahahah topical!

{me and therin talk about North Detroit being santa}

kono jules daYesterday at 9:52 PM

slso wow its him

sans undertale

{therin talks about how she doesn’t really like martin septim she’s valid he’s a fictional character}

{it ends here bc we devolve into chatter about therin’s fic series which is really good read it if you like gay androids and redemption and characters who lowkey hate eachother coming to like each other} {i’m not even into that game and it’s great fun}

{this has been: JULES PLAYS OBLIVION INSTALLMENT 1 OF IDK HOW MANY} {i got to baurus’s horrible terrible no-good sewer scort mission}

[durindanna]

ngnl au notes since its gonna become relevant soon enough. this post will get built upon/edited as necessary

Age: late 40s (physically, compared to a human) , chronologically uuuh a lot? prob over 100

Species/Exceed: warbeast (jackal subvariant)

Appearance: As above, dressed in old-fashioned/traditional clothing, often green and simple. carries a satchel over his shoulder that generally contains game boards and whatever he would need for travel (tools, change of clothes, money, etc.) Fluffy hair, tied back. Brown jackal ears, ofc, also has a tail that pokes out from under his tunic (tunic is split in the back so there’s enough room for his tail to move freely. Pointy nails and sharp teeth, very much looks like he’s a wild dog and could fuck you up if he wanted to-- tends to be deeply unnerving to humans. Slit pupils and golden eyes.

Abilities: warbeast ‘sixth sense’ with the ability to track peoples physical responses (eg heart rate) functions as a lie detector, familiarity with technology/vidya gaem, limited magic affinity

Occupation: Traveler, odd jobs. Often works within category of ‘craftsman’ or ‘tutor’.

Born in Disboard (Eastern Federation)

Game Specialties: any sort of strategy or war game, some varieties of gambling (he’s got a killer poker face, comes with 15 years of hiding the fact that ur dead inside)

past/relevant info: when he was younger, hektor challenged another (achilles) who had never lost in battle. the things on the line were: territory and ‘the thing most precious to you’, to make up for the difference in territory size in question. they resulted in a draw. an unwinnable game, both skilled enough to keep their pieces alive but not go any further than that. because the draw and the dance seemed endless without someone plunging headfirst into self-sacrifice, it was declared an equal loss. If no one won, that must mean both lost, right? So, Patroclus died. So, Astyanax and Andromache died. Others took the seats to settle where the territory would go. Hektor, deprived of his family, left. In mourning, he couldn’t really handle staying in his home (soon to be overtaken, anyways, that game too would end a loss, he knew it), and he didn’t know what he could possibly do with himself. Hektor defined his life by his family, and without it he felt deeply purposeless, had a growing emotional void in him that he pastes over with a friendly veneer. Along his travels, though, he came across an Imanity child taken in as a slave worker and essentially impulse grabbed them because he has no idea what else to do with a child in distress. Said child is named Rhys (@/lightsealed) and was raised by Hektor within the warbeast continent, forcing some semblance of normalcy and anchor into his life, which did a great deal to help him deal with losing his family years before.

current pastimes: He wanders disboard with a carefree air, generally traveling with only the things he can carry in a shoulder pack and sometimes Rhys in tow. Hektor still likes learning and seeing new things. To get by, he generally plays games for bets of money or teaches others how to play/improve their gaming ability for a tutor’s fee. A rather straightforward life that results in him having a good many acquaintances/friends in the lower-ranked Exceed. He can also often be found playing “games of no stakes” in cafes, simple rounds of chess or shogi simply for fun, the winner gaining nothing and loser at no real loss.

etc: him fluffy. he’s still a little dead inside. dad depression! dadpression.

[horrible-monstrosity]

inhales

My youtube history needs a fucking exorcism

That aside, what is it about this game that has people sucking its god damn cock so god damned hard? There's been like ninety the fuck billion "reject reality because sad and something something dreamworld" works already and I'm sure at least some of them have to be better than this undercooked pile of crap. And I keep seeing these fuckloads of Tumblr rejects praising it because "I'm a worthless brokebrain who doesn't want to put any effort at all into improving myself and this gaem validates my mental illness!!! uwu" ... That second point probably goes toward explaining the first, huh.

Also, when was it actually established that Funny had amnesia, and wasn't just refusing to face reality? I feel like it would have gone a lot differently if he straight up didn't remember it- like, he might have actually been able to leave the house normally, and been somewhat fine until something "triggered" his memories and sent him back into despair and running back home. And he just never shows any sign of not knowing something he should. Plus that takes a lot of agency away from him. Instead of him choosing to fight reality rather than face it, his brain just decides it for him, until he bumbles his way into not doing that anymore. Not that its actually possible to get a read of anything reasonable when the game has him just sitting there dead while everyone else argues about his dead sister and NO ONE THINKS THIS IS UNUSUAL. Like they're actually just expecting him to sit there and take it. They neither try to pull him into a conversation that very much concerns him nor think there's something horribly wrong with him just acting like a dead sack of potatoes while they discuss something that very much concerns him. It doesn't even come off like they're trying to be considerate, there's just... nothing. That's a problem throughout the whole game honestly, he just bumbles around in both the dream world and real world until he just kind of decides for no reason to face the real world. You know, it probably would help if the character you're deeply psychoanalizing isn't at the same time a generic-ass mute cipher character.

and let's talk about the dreamworl- despite failing to properly parallel za tweezt, it bothers to autistically parallel things inthe real worl that don't matter and that no one, audience or mori/funny alike, have any reason to care about. oh, ber is kergy, vance is van fogey, wow who fuck cares who the fuck even are these people to him? Having cunt princess, spacecuck and the sproutfucks be consoomer shit is also dumb as internally demonstrated by the game store having to inexplicably be some shitty outdated retro store to handwave funny knowing these characters when he hadn't left the house in four years. It's such a cheap and vapid form of parallelism, too- these things don't mean anything except muh clinging to childhood. And it makes shit that just doesn't have a parallel in the real world stand out like a sore thumb as well- like, what the fuck is Pluto? What's the job subplot supposed to mean? What the absolute fuck is th whale vore chapter?Why princesscunt try to marry hurro? does this have something to do with his relationship with murry? was omorashi concerned about one of them being stolen from him by the other? Naw, it's just because they're both single-point existences who do something very vaguely in line with their surface-level characteristics. Princess is cunt female and hurroo attractive male, so she wants his cock (in a childish g-rated way because muh clinging to childhood because muh trauma). As a connoseiur of metaphorical/parallel weirdshit (meguca and Kuuchuu Buranko fuck yeah) I'm seriously fucking offended by this poorly-constructed surface level fucking shit, put more effort into your goddamn metaphorical weirdfuckshit, this goes for you too eggfucks I have to wonder what the fuck omorashicat was doing that this shit took years to develop. it feels like she just did everything linearly and then just got to the end and was like OH FUCK SHIT GOTTA WRITE A CONCLUSION NOW JUST PUT SOMETHING IN RIGHT NOW FUCK.

By the way, why did Funny need to be told about hHuuro's nickname being sandwich rather than anything worthwhile? He knew about it before retreating to the dreamworl, so it didn't happen after he cut contact, so did he never wonder about it while he was friends with them? He never saw Huuuro deepthroating a fucklong sandwich? And why the fuck was whatsname prompted to suddenly tell Funny about it again? It was literally, like, nothing. Just like the nickname thing itself being nothing outside of HA HA FUNNY WACKY SANDWICH RANDOM LULZ fuck off

Oh you know what else fucking sucks, that random subplot about reul luif suck, you can't be chef on the side because be doktor? Like first off, why the fuck are Hero's parents forcing him to become a doctor? They're vaguely hispanic, not, you know... asian. Race jokes aside, you'd think him changing track to wanting to be doktor would have had something to do with Mari, the very important person in his life who fucking died- maybe her death made him want to save other people, maybe it was some dream of hers he decided to carry on. But no it's just some random unrelated "my parents are randomly dicks who decided to destroy my own life dreams for their personal satisfaction and I let them :)" shit. And then there's the matter of this theme/plot thread just being brought up once to generate misery and never again, never being connected to anyhing either. All it really does is force Kel to look like an immature retard who thinks dreams are a thing that matters, lol loser, not like Aubey who bla bl abl abl ahla bkablabalabba And don’t tell me this is what the job dream plot was supposed to represent, because there’s no correlation. Hero was actually quite fulfilled being sharkmang’s gopher/cocksucker until friendship came up, and everyone else’s problems were just childishness. It’s nothing Actually there's another thing, there's an odd undercurrent of characters being just a little bit... too immature for what they're supposed to be. Hero says he still thinks about Mari everyday and he cri everitiem, but... it's been four years, he's a grown-ass adult now, this was a teenage love interest. I'm not saying he needs to flat out get over it, no fucking shit, but he mourns like a child... or like a child's idea of mourning someone. Brazil's caretaker when he cadets sudoku, too, acts like an angsty teen or something. Like, you're presumably a professional at this, you've never had some troubled ward self-harm or die or anything? Who the fuck even was this woman in the end? I don't know whether it's a case of the characters being written as too immature or more like the writing itself is too immature to handle it, but it's... off.

and one moooore thiiing- there's a scene manry skipped over and never got back to, possibly because he was getting tired of this game's shit even if he still liked it in the end, but the comments covered it- after Mary's death, Hero shut himself up in his room and cried for a year straight, basically Omori's shut-in thing but a bit different. At some point Kel comes in to get him and he lashes out and makes his little bro cry/hurts him or something, and the parents come running in. Ok, fine so far, but then it gets a bit weird... at first I actually misread the comment, and thought the parents had come in and ignored Hero and just comforted Kel, and that's what snapped Hero out of his misery. That seems like it makes sense, right? The parents would care more about the younger, more impressionable child, especially if he's been hurt, and especially if they’d been neglecting the older one nayway. It's got a weird undercurrent of Hero finally realising that his own parents don't give a fuck about his misery after a year of uninterupted crying and accepting that is a good thing because it makes him go become doktor, but that's in line with some other... weird shit in the writing, including said plotline of Hero being forced into being a doctor by his parents in the first place. But actually what happened was, after Hero violenced on poor Kel, the parents... rushed in and suddenly flipped a switch so they only cared about Hero, and it was on Hero to show some compassion for Kel. Whut? The parents, after not giving a damn shit about their miserable older son for a year, and after he's (unintentionally, but they wouldn't know that) violenced their innocent younger son, they suddenly only give a shit about the older. Instead of, you know, giving a damn about both sons or something. This isn't even internally consistent, let alone thematically coherent or meaningful in anyway. It's just confusing. I don't know, maybe the commentor fucked the scene up, but it's weird.

fuck this my brain needs a fucking exorcism

and also finally him ending up in the hospital where his friends can visit him is kind of cheating the moving deadline and it really undermines the whole point of the game up until this point lmao fuck this shit i’m out

[birthclod]

i recently got mario odyssey and it’s amazing so far! thoughts under the cut (bc i accidentally posted this too early whoops)

im at the first bowser battle rn!

- one critique i have so far is the controls are very slippery? maybe that’s just part of the switch itself and im bad at vidya gaems but it’s just smth i noticed - cappy is adorable - shitfuckdamn that art direction - shitfuckdamn that soundtrack - every song is a banger. i have been listening to tostarena ruins on repeat and i still am because holy hot sticks - mobster bunnies. what more could you WANT - super cool concepts! and adorable too. i lost my shit when you first turned into a frog - “is that a sheep with a sombrero” - cookie, in a very soft but high-pitched voice  - THE LITTLE NINTENDOGS PUPPY IS SO CUTE I DIED - even without assist mode, the game is super lenient on deaths. only 10 coins? i mean, granted if you dont pick up every coin like i do maybe it’d be a bit tougher but hey, im not complainin’ - the bosses are fun. some are mildly annoying (cough the lady with the chain chomp cough) but re: im bad at vidya gaems - “DO NOT MESS WITH ME, BIPED” - seriously though, this game is so damn pretty. cascade kingdom was the first damn kingdom and its graphics had me weak - i never want to look at a bullet bill again. fuck those guys in particular

[goodestboyryuji]

I PLAYED MORE GAEM AND THERE ARE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

FINISHED SAE’S PALACE

can we talk about how fuckin HOT shadow sae is???? the fuck??????????? HOW DID NO ONE COMMENT ON HER ATTIRE i was expecting ryuji to be like DAMN MAKOTO INVITE ME OVER MORE

i was like 300 degrees of done with akechi in that palace btw also even if i didn’t know that he was a bad dude it’s so fuckin obvious bc he’s callin all the shots and is like ‘ohhh let’s wait until the LAAAST day but seeeee here are my DETECTIVE reasonsss’ like fuck off akechi ur shady af

i started to feel a little sympathetic towards akechi when he was like ‘you’ll keep her safe, right?’ to makoto at the start of the fight but then he’s just so fuckin PRETENTIOUS

we made our sae squad makoto, akechi, ryuji, and obvs akira which felt poetic lmao

i was  about to die with all the ryuji interaction tho and i think it’s cause i was just thirsty from my long hiatus. but like when ryuji says akira is a quiet dude but can handle himself???? with it. WITH IT.

also replaying the opening scene is so hella fun. i will listen to ryuji say ‘shut it, inari!!!’ a hundred times if i’m allowed

*mouth too close to the mic* goro akechi trying out for the part of light yagami aaaand action

ok on the real the whole cognition vs. real thing started to go over my head by the end lmao

I KNEW AKECHI SHOT US IN THE HEAD BUT GODDAMN HE JUST....SHOT US IN THE HEAD

ok but the most important thing

everyone?? when the news is coming out that we’ve died??? i realize now that they all know the truth but GODDAMN WAS MY HEART KILLING ME. ESP RYUJI BC HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GONNA CRY. ALSO DUDE IF U KNEW HE WAS OK WHY DID U ALMOST CRY.

also when the shopkeeper is like ‘ryuji are you trying out for track and field again are you still running’ my heart was like ‘shopkeeper lady don’t do this to me’ AND HE WAS SO GODDAMN SWEET

yusuke in front of the subway going “oh wow” i was like “is he gonna jump”

ok ok but what REALLY matters is: when we come back

and ryuji is like !!!!!!

and RUNS TO US and is THE ONLY ONE TO DO SO

AND GIVES US THAT GOOD OL SIDE HUG and PLANTS HIMSELF RIGHT AT OUR SIDE LIKE NO PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

AND JUST STARES AT US FONDLY THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE CUTSCENE

I SWEAR TO GOD OTHER CHARACTERS TURN THEIR ATTENTION TO WHOMEVER IS TALKING BUT RYUJI JUST WATCHES US NEARLY THE WHOLE TIME HE LOVES US SO MUCH

i have so much more yelling to do but just wanted y’all to know that i’M ALMOST DONE AND I LOVE THIS GAME SO FUCKING MUCH

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

saturday again no problem (a tuesdaypost retrospective)

sort of mixed feelings about this one bc, as we have previously chatted about, the august 2021-august 2022 period was one of the worst twelve-month periods of my life.

however! this year brought like six new tuesdaypost initiatives from other people (please shout at me in the comments or by DM bc my brain is broken and i don't remember all of you) and i DO want to take a look back at some media i enjoyed.

the normal format + some misc. stats below

listening

here are all the tuesdaysongs plus Permanent Peace by Jack de Quidt, who is not on spo/tify. this year gave me albums by: joywave, alt-j, unloved, scene queen, new doja cat, a bunch of junie and the hutfriends singles, and the gleeful insanity of the mcr tour. VERY good musical year imo

-

reading

this historically has been one of the more fallow categories, bc there is a level of background pain where it is quite difficult for me to read and viddy gaem is a better distraction.

could have sworn i read three cowboy novelizations this year but i can only find evidence that i read the sabata and red river novelizations. i have mixed feelings about the execution of Tom Lin's The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu and Silvia Moreno-Garcia's Gods of Jade and Shadow but do not regret reading either.

no particular comics or manga stand out in my fallible, forgettable brain this year. i am excited for the ongoing light novel and manga adaptation of Otherside Picnic but that's just from watching the anime

-

watching

happy that letterboxd is doing part of the thing i wanted (getting me to watch more movies) deeply annoyed i have fallen into the trap i was afraid of. this trap is: I Want To Make The Number Go Up and am now reluctant to watch tv bc i can't log it on letterboxd and it doesn't "count". fucking hate to gamify my own leisure like this!!!!

the very good thing about letterboxd is that my friends have excellent taste, and letterboxd reminds me which of the eight billion django knockoffs i have and have not seen.

GOD was january a good movie month. the below screenshot is movies i watched for the first time this year and really liked/have stuck in my head in some way, and 3/8ths were from january. thank u library streaming service kanopy

see letterboxd has taken such a big chunk of my Moving Images time that it was hard to remember that both peaky blinders and killing eve ended this year!!! and i rewatched several seasons of adventure time! and most of the first season of DS9! and i am now in the process of watching the vampire interview show with my sister!!!

-

playing

got a handmedown switch!

this year was mostly big open worlds that didn't require a lot of complex thought from me, or if they did require some puzzle solving it was in really short bursts. lion's share of the hours this year went to fallout 4, breath of the wild, and pokemon scarlet. i really loved junk shop telescope, depanneur nocturne, and card cowboy.

honorary mentions to phone games that kept my anxiety to a low simmer while in a lot of doctor's offices.

game im most hype for is probably the spooky fishing game Dredge, but i don’t think we’ll get that until early 2024. if anyone says the words "fallout 5" next year i will lose my mind bc i would like another one of these stupid motherfuckers before i die.

-

making

i think i'm going to mourn the old lair until i die.

i am deeply, deeply unhappy with how this year went both personally and professionally. made an apartment cozy. lost the cozy apartment. cleaned a whole bunch of metal. framed a lot of things. bought a whole bunch of furniture. still have moths.

hate to leave this post on this note however i really should have died twice this year and didn’t. so im trying to be nice to myself about the rest of it.

-

bonus stats

47/52 weeks posted

moves: 1 (assisted with two)

recipes failed: many

postcards sent: many

number of 1040s i will receive next month: 4

overnight trips: 2

day trips: 3

covid: +1

serious covid scares: 9

combined hospital and doctor's visits: don't worry about it

number of lamps: also don't worry about it what are you a cop

cats: +1

[captainextremis]

Tumblr’s fucked up the res on this thing so check the image in full screen if u want the good stuff.

Anyway, a little RTS game came out recently called “Tooth and Tail.” Basically, it boils down to an excuse to make a game about war and cannibalism in a Russian Revolution setting. Is gud gaem.

So naturally, I’m starting a fanfic of it. Kill me.

The Road to Hell, Part 1

Under thundering skies, the rain poured down on the cold stone of the pathways cutting in between the chapels and apartments of Levacaloo. The water washed down the stone spires, as cold and uncaring as those who feasted and left the rest to starve. But soon, that mindset would be no more. Bellafide would make sure of it.

Although he hated getting his coat wet or otherwise dirty, he hated the clergy more, and couldn’t wait to see their terrified faces as he stormed into their sacred chapels when they had gorged themselves, and were too fat to run away. His scowl became more set into his brow. And then we feast on them.

“Heyyy, uh...boss…?”

Arroyo shot a glance to his right. A ferret marched alongside him, toting his mobile artillery launcher on his back. He pursed his lips and continued, “...You okay…? You look more...angry...than usual.”

Arroyo brought his gaze forward. “No, no, Ardin. Not angry. Just...determined,” he replied. No one else would talk to him; there was nothing to discuss. The Longcoats had entrenched themselves in The Bonepits using the piles of bones left behind by the many feasts as barriers, hidden traps, and even their own warrens. Arroyo knew that after this, there was no returning from the path he set himself and his army down. But he felt no regret, or even uncertainty. He was doing this for Junior. He might not have been able to give his son a proper funeral, but he could certainly give him a proper sendoff.

The army strode up more of the dozens of stone stairways until they found a flatter stretch of land, covered in bullet hives. Above, Arroyo could see the silhouettes of the falcons circling overhead. He stopped and retreated a few steps, just to be sure he and his men weren’t in their range of vision. Arroyo, the Freight Union, the Distillery Brothers, and his own Wing Demons.

He looked around. His troops were crouching down on the steps, some huddled together, some looking up into the sky. A few of the squirrels were taking extra shots from their bottles of orn. Arroyo huffed and motioned for everyone to get as close as possible. “Whatcha need, boss? Whatcha want us to do?” one of the Brothers asked.

“All of you boys,” he said, pointing to the squirrels, “stay back. The Freight Union will fire on the bullet hives the Civilized. You stay behind them and harass the Wing Demons.”

“Thought that was our job, sir,” said one of the falcons, landing on the ground a few feet to Arroyo’s right.

“It is,” he replied, “We need to get into the feasting halls as fast as lightning while taking as few casualties as possible. Once that happens…” Arroyo trailed off.

Another ferret grinned. “Once that happens, we eat,” he cried.

This remark was met with wild cheering, and Arroyo knew that if the Wing Demons didn’t hear it first, his army would get too impatient and charge without him. So with that in mind, Arroyo stood himself up and with steely will, marched forward. His troops followed him happily, and a few of the more inebriated squirrels started firing their revolvers at the opposing falcons while they were still dozens of feet away. And once they had the Civilized’s attention, they kept it.

“It’s the traitor! Don’t let them through! All fighters, fire at will!” One of the falcons issued their orders, and soon, the rain stopped falling on the ground, because it was all being blocked by hundreds of falcons, flying right at the Longcoat army that stood in defiance of them and all they stood for.

Many of the Wing Demons dipped low and the machine guns started firing as they began conducting hit and run tactics. It was successful, at the start, as they killed off a majority of the squirrels who were too drunk to know what was happening, as well as killing a few more ferrets. However, once Arroyo’s Wing Demons came in, the Civilized soldiers were too busy dealing with them to focus fire on the ground forces.

Arroyo looked up at the dogfight, and the few bodies that were falling every so often. He had to slap a few wrists to keep his soldiers from dragging the carcass away immediately and getting distracted of course, but otherwise, he marched forward with the Freight Union and the remaining Distillery Brothers at his side. He outpaced his army and the first line of machine guns began firing at him, but the ferrets all started launching dozens of volleys at the encampments, and one by one, the bullet hives crumbled.

The Longcoats marched forward, through ever thicker machine gun fire. Those who hadn’t died from being riddled with bullets were, at the very least, bleeding profusely from seven or more puncture wounds; not even Arroyo was exempt from this rule.

He clutched at his arm, shot in three places just below the shoulder. He and his soldiers had pushed through most of the lines of machine guns, but he could see, coming over the hill, that their battle wasn’t done yet. The Morning Light Croakers hopped fervently over the hills, croaking a litany of prayers and curses on Arroyo’s name. He looked down at his shoulder and grunted, “I’ve been hit harder,” before running ahead.

“Forward…!”

Bellafide’s rallying cry called his troops of squirrel pistoliers and ferret artillery back to his side, instilling the resolve that only the leader of the Longcoats could give. In a wave of shouting, they surged forward through the unrelenting hail of bullets, a glint of hunger in each and every one of their eyes. The Longcoats met the Civilized forces and while the initial clash allowed some of the toads to blow themselves up safely, most after that were no more than bloody paste on the ground before the fuse could even hit powder.

Archimedes stood on the steps of one of the ancient buildings that surrounded the Monastic Gardens, gazing out solemnly at the darkened sky, lit periodically by the dull orange of muzzle flashes and black-powder explosions in the distance. He sighed deeply.

He had warned them, all of them. The lower clergy had simply waved him off and continued feasting. Archimedes snorted, wiped his brow, and marched down the steps with the few pigeons, skunks, and toads he could muster. “Follow,” he commanded in his aging, raspy voice.

“Great Missionary,” a toad by his side croaked as he hopped in stride with Archimedes, “you haven’t told us your plan to drive the traitors out.”

Archimedes sighed as he kept marching. “Ah, my child...my plan was not to drive the Longcoats away in the first place,” he explained. “We are simply going to try and kill as many of them as possible, so that we may still feast in the desert.”

“Wffr mmgkin uffghtn rtruht?” a skunk mumbled.

“Take your mask off, my son, no one can understand what’s coming out of your mouth.”

The AFB soldier promptly lifted his mask up and restated his question. “We’re making a fighting retreat?”

Archimedes turned his head and deadpanned. “Not a retreat. A debilitating skirmish.” They marched forward along the stone paths until they came to an area on the main roads that still needed some defenses. Archimedes immediately set about planting Tremormines at the foremost chokepoints, two narrow pathways between the piles of bones.

He returned to his followers, still standing at attention and alert. All that was left to do was wait, and the Longcoats made sure they didn’t wait long. They heard the numerous boots hitting the pavement before they even saw any blue peek the sightlines, but once they so much as saw the bushy tail of one of the Distillery Brothers, Archimedes cried out, “Strike!”

Dozens of skunks began launching gas directly on top of them, and Archimedes instructed his troops to move forward and fire back. They did so, lobbing gas volleys over and over. As to be expected from the traitors, they pushed forward and into Archimedes’ territory, and were hit with both the explosions of four Tremormines, two on each chokepoint, and multiple suicide runs from the Morning Light Croakers. Their sacrifices yielded large chunks of meat that the pigeons and skunks would try to drag away as quickly as they could while still firing their weapons; some of them died that way.

Archimedes had little, if any, time to strategize. He had to focus on killing as many of the Longcoats as possible. In theory, it would be simple, considering Arroyo had so many troops on his bankroll. However, that was also the problem, as hundreds more ferrets and squirrels came streaming into the narrow entrance to the Civilized section of the Bonepits, supported by hit-and-runs by dozens of falcons left over from the initial attack. They swooped in from the darkened skies, firing their guns as brazenly as possible, bullets riddling the ground just as much as their targets.

The toads continued throwing themselves at the Longcoats’ front lines, detonating and sending dozens of conscripted soldiers to black-powder graves while The AFB troops shot gas bombs into the chokepoints. The Longcoats marched through, and some ended up choking to death.

This didn’t stop the tide, however. The Longcoats simply kept coming, and it became obvious to Archimedes that he would have to retreat sooner, rather than later. “Hold!” he called as he marched out. He directed the toads to stand in position at the forefront, allowing them to run a shorter distance before detonating themselves, and built several backup warrens to allow The AFB and the Volunteers to resupply as needed. Under the constant hail of gunfire, it was a difficult task, but it was done. Archimedes stood outside the last warren he could make as the Operators swiftly built it up from the ground. “Excellent,” he muttered to himself, “This will buy me time…”

“Great Missionary!” Archimedes brought his head up and nearly jumped out of his skin. A pigeon fluttered down and perched on the warren, which was being reinforced at this point. “The Longcoats just...just keep pouring in! What are your orders?”

He was silent for a moment, but spoke with whatever wisdom he could muster in a pitched battle. “Child, you must hold as long as you can. Pass these words along to the rest of the Civilized forces,” he articulated.

As he turned around to plan a fast escape route, the pigeon asked again, “What about you, Great Missionary? What will you be doing?”

“Ah…” He paused, then quickly explained, “I will venture out to see if there are any other Civilized who yet live, and I will return to reinforce our numbers.” The pigeon nodded intensely and then flew back to the front lines with a retreating call of “Come back quickly, sir!”

Archimedes watched her go and sighed in relief. Then, he ran. He ran in the opposite direction as fast as he could. After all, a few hundred soldiers could be replaced easily; loyalty was relatively cheap these days, going for three meals a day and a roof over one’s head. His own life, however, was the only thing keeping the Civilized together. Him, and Sage Marro. He tore through The Bonepits, the thunder of distant gunfire still ringing out across the city. Archimedes was only thankful that the Longcoats hadn’t pushed further in, as getting into the countryside would be easy, even without the use of the Warrens. He just had to run a bit further…

He rounded a corner, and saw only a pole swing out to meet him. Archimedes felt it hit him in the face before it actually landed, and he was sent backward, and sprawled out on the ground. There was no time to even come to grips with the pain, as Bellafide himself, who had been waiting for the Great Missionary to show his crooked face, proceeded to roar with a fury long-repressed, and swung his own flag again in an overhead strike, determined to break Archimedes’ skull open. Archimedes countered as fast as he could, holding up his own flag to block the blow.

Arroyo was so dead set on choking the life out of Archimedes that he didn’t expect the old coot to kick him in the stomach, sending him stumbling back when the wind got knocked out of him. It allowed Archimedes to struggle to his feet, coughing and trying to numb the throbbing pain in his temples by sheer force of will as he jogged away as fast as he could.

Naturally, when Arroyo saw that, he wasn’t having any of it. “You’ll pay for what you did to my son, you hypocrite!” he yelled after Archimedes. He charged forward, still screaming, but his hatred blinded him to the fact that Archimedes might not be done. Despite the beatdown, Archimedes turned around and used that momentum to swing his banner in a wide arc. It smashed into Bellafide, sending him careening to his left and smashing into a pile of bones. They came down like an avalanche.

Arroyo was far from dead, or even out cold, but his vision was blurry, the world was spinning, and he could feel his nose bleeding. All he knew for certain was that Archimedes, from where he was standing was smiling. It wasn’t the smile of a kind minister either; it was the condescending smile that the Civilized wore whenever a new course was chosen for the Harvest. “I have seen what you have become,” he said, “and it is delicious. I can’t wait to savor it one day.”

Before Arroyo could stammer out a counter, Archimedes had run off. He couldn’t say he was surprised; the Civilized might have a garrison under their jurisdiction, but the clergy would never fight for themselves. He eventually regained the strength to stand up, brush his coat off, and look back into the horizon, filled with smoke and dimming fires rising up over the piles of bones. He grinned mirthlessly.

They had a garrison, at least.

As he stared back at the chaos unfolding behind him, he felt nothing inside but a burning determination to end the war before it could even gain momentum. He pivoted and marched out of Levacaloo, leaving the Longcoats to feast on what remained of his army. He knew, however, they wouldn’t set foot in the Gardens yet. The rest of the clergy would keep them full long enough for him to regrow his follower count.

[variablejabberwocky]

WOCKY PLAYS DREAM DADDY, PT.4

after seeing the difficulty of the second dates i stopped flooling around and finally went on the third and final date with damien

HOLY SHIT i was both surprised and utterly charmed

WHY DOES EVERYTHING EVEN REMOTELY POETIC OR PHILOSOPHICAL FROM THIS GUY MAKE ME TEAR UP AND WANT TO CRY???

and then another phone call (with his ridiculously cute and on the nose ringtone) and then this happened

ALFHASDLFHALSJFLK

FUCKING HELL

NO WONDER I LIKE HIM

HE’S BASICALLY SOMEONE ELSE’S VERSION OF MY OWN VAMP-DAD OC

ie. he’s fucking perfect

dude is like super goth meets IT nerd meets cuddly animal lover and aldfhasdhfaslfjasl i love him he’s my fave forever and ever

not even the adorable bro-charm of craig or the cute awkwardness of mat can compare

but yeah he’s got cute glasses and apparently the contacts he wears when in Vamp Mode are colored so dude has got some wicked funds to buy prescription colored contacts on a regular basis

shit im rambling

BACK TO THE STORY!

a fuck-off sized dog got loose and we have to rescue them, in the meanwhile we get the first indication of how the game-map is set up

the player’s house is the “nerd’s house”

also Mary is totally the same character architype as Mom Lalonde

if the rest of what ive seen of her doesn’t scream it this map sure does

right down to the random kitties for no reason

but yeah we ran around town and found the dog and all was well

until...

dude sweety no

i can’t handle these feels

you are totally a goth prince AND the king of IT support

the fucking victorians were nerds

you are a nerd

a nerdy, pretty, sweet, so fucking ernest, smooth as hell gentleman

YOU LIVE IN A MODERN GOTHIC MANSION!

THAT YOU RENOVATED TO LOOK AS SUCH ALL ON YOUR OWN!!

YOU ROCK!!!

and i mean hell all of that bled through the Vampire persona thing

its not gonna change just because you’re in Customer Support Mode

...shit i really want to hug a fucking 2-D video game character

.....again

Y U DO DIS 2 ME GAEM!?!

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?