#ftm international

[gender0bender]

ID: a black and white photograph of two people standing in a crowd. The shorter person is wearing a backwards cap and holding up a sign that says “3 Days Post-Op”, the taller person is wearing sunglasses and a hat with a brim, also smiling, and holding a sign that reads “Proud Dad of Trans Son.” The picture is captioned at the bottom as “Proud Dad at San Francisco Pride Parade (photo: Gwen Smith) ED.

Taken from an issue of FTM International, which can be viewed on the digital trans archive.

[freytful]

Compilation of cartoons from issues 22-24 of the FTM International Newsletter, released in 1993

[filth-burps-writing]

I’m actually religious and holy fuck. Holy fuck. God is in my heart. Holy fuck.

'ritual for passage into manhood for a new man' via ftm international, issue 41 (june 1998)

[uncanny-tranny]

One reason you might not be very "good" about a trans loved one's pronouns or the language you use for them might stem from memorizing what they want, rather than actually changing how you view them.

For instance, my trans friend came out rather late compared to me. However, since internalizing that I wasn't really correct about who she is, because she's a woman and I didn't know that, it was instantaneous to refer to her by her name, to use language that accurately reflects her instead of what I thought she was.

When you actually internalize that a loved one is actually this way instead of what you thought, it makes it so much easier to truly and actually change your perspective on them.

In short, are you memorizing who they are, or are you actually learning who they are?

[ftm-radio]

UPDATE!?!?

oh my god. I don't know if I can even properly express how I feel right now. I am gonna need some time to fully process this, lmao.

I've been freaking out over this for a week, and today I finally had my appointment, and everyone I spoke to was so warm and friendly! I did NOT expect to walk away with a prescription today, like I figured that would be too good to be true, I'd probably have to come back for a follow-up before that happened, but no! The doc was like 'I want to do a few tests to make sure there's nothing we need to worry about, so I'm ordering these labs,' and I was like 'okay,' thinking that the T would come after those were squared away, but THEN she was immediately like 'and I'm also putting in a prescription for androgel' ajauhsbehdehjejbs

said prescription is being processed at the pharmacy, so we'll see how long I have to wait before I can pick it up. I'm so fucking excited. I can't believe this is happening.

...I need to take a nap. 😂

[shamebats]

[befemininenow]

This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

All memes aside, I forgot about two events that happened this week: Trans Awareness Week and International Men's Day. All of this happened during a busy period of my life while attacks on gender breaking norms and trans rights are unfortunately becoming more common. Just as we elected a trans senator, an anti-trans bill is being placed. Two trans women were attacked at a Minneapolis train by a group of transphobic men. On the bright side, an eXodus to Bluesky is causing a meltdown for transphobic people as they are losing engagement and are facing instant bans upon attempting to join Bluesky. It's been a pretty interesting Trans Awareness Week.

What does this have to do with International Men's Day? Well, considering this is a blog dedicated to exploring the feminine and a decent portion of you may identify as male, I think it's something that affects everyone. While International Women's Day is generally about celebrating women's accomplishes, International Men's Day is about acknowledging the struggles men face in order to meet societal norms. For instance, struggling single dads, custody issues, drug abuse, domestic violence from partners, mental issues like depression, and even $uicide are some the topics men avoid speaking about with other people to avoid being seen as weak. This also includes the topic of gender, sexuality, and expression, which is my main point.

Look, I don't want to bore you to death. The point is: do not cave in to the pressure of fitting into society's ideal picture of a man. So what if you want to wear a dress and doll yourself up because that's how you feel at the moment? Femboys generally identify as men. If that's who you are, go with it! However, never feel like you're supposed to deal with troubling emotions and struggles alone. Also, don't feel "emasculated" just because you don't meet the tropes of a "real man". Everyone is their own unique person. There are support groups with guys of different backgrounds. Femboy groups also exist. Keep yourself occupied and focused.

Even though the day is over, you should always be proud of who you are and stay connected and strong with your fellow team of men. The femboy in the pic is more of a real man (and admittingly a hot one!) than any "real man" that feminization doms like to brag about. Stay strong, kings!

Happy belated International Men's Day!

Also, Happy Trans Awareness Week!

[prince-liest]

Ok so I know you haven't officially trans anyone's gender in any of your Hazbin fics, but I lowkey get really trans vibes from Alastor in most of your fics?

Idk, it's a little hard go explain but what really tipped me off was his... distaste? Disfavor? Aversion? To his "male body" in one of the 666 fics. (I think the line was something akin to "the male body being what it is" in reference to Alastor getting hard fairly quickly).

There's honestly a lot of interesting things to speculate in relation to how Alastor views his body. Especially with his relationship with touch, and how he initiates touch and how he actively dislikes it (depending on the person).

Not to mention his feelings regarding his non-human features. How he doesn't inherently dislike them for being what they are, or rather, that they're "abnormal", but more so that they're not what they're "supposed to be", and not "what he was before" (though I do think that his dislike of his deer features is linked to his dislike of how he died, being viewed as something so easy to be put down - an animal).

Which also relates to how dressed Alastor constantly is. How he shields away his body using clothing, a customizable thing that he takes great pride in making sure is up to his standards (notice how when his coat is damaged he immediately goes to get it fixed, even though the ends of his coat is already damaged. He seems to have very complex opinions on how, exactly, his coat is supposed to be damaged)

I do think that Alastor's preference to being so dressed is linked to his dislike of vulnerability, but I also think it's a very trans(tm) move, lol.

(And I also do think that his dislike of vulnerability is tied to his transness, kinda in a weird "chicken and egg" scenario.)

I find it really interesting how Alastor's true feelings are revealed by his shadow, a being that can transform to look different, is mostly hidden, and is internally mysterious. Idk, it's just very trans(tm) to me!

I also think that Alastor's transness is linked to how he views masculinity, how he seems to automatically like woman, while automatically disliking man. How this is also tied to his parents. I've noticed in your fics (and could be completely wrong about) that Alastor seems to relate femininity (and his mother) with "safety" (how he compares the gentle touch in your last fic with feeling like his mother and his like of jambalaya).

I'm not sure if I would say that Alastor is a trans woman, but I also wouldn't say he isn't. Overall I think he has a very complex view of gender, but it's definitely something he doesn't put a lot into. Which relates to him not knowing what asexuality is.

I have a lot more Alastor trans thoughts, but this ask is already getting pretty long so I'm just gonna cut it off here. I hope I made sense, and that you're comfortable with me speculating on a character you've written about gender. (Totally valid if you're not though! If so, then please disregard this ask!)

I'll take "asks that made me realize I'm out here accidentally writing a character as nonbinary" for 300, please! Please prepare yourself for the mistake of letting me have a keyboard and talk about gender after 9pm, so sorry to literally everybody else.

You're gonna get a real fuckin' kick out of the first bit of the next 666 that I'm gonna post tomorrow. ;) It's definitely the point where I finally acknowledged to myself that I have a strong urge to inject some genderfuckery into Alastor in the form of him continuing to use his thing with Vox to explore his own relationship with, like, existing in his own body, and then also threw those feelings all over Angel Dust like a fistful of glitter while I was at it.

Like you said, I wouldn't say that I've ended up writing him as a trans woman, but I think I have seen him from the start as a character who is not exactly cis in a wibbly-wobbly way I have not previously defined but that I think I would perhaps characterize as "gender: monster condescending to play at humanity."

I don't think he eschews masculinity entirely, for what it's worth. He definitely strikes me as a person who aligns himself with the image of a smiling gentleman (if a hellish one) as the proper way for a person like him to be, and for whom that is an important, comfortable, and satisfying part of both his identity and how he relates to both his female friends and to men. However, he also strikes me as someone for whom that part of his identity is what he shows the world on purpose, presented as he would like it to be seen, rather than as something that reflects his bodily preferences. To put it another way, if he'd been AFAB, I think he would put just as much into his presentation, just in the direction of femininity, and it wouldn't make him any more or less comfortable with himself.

You're right in that I've definitely written him with a faint distaste for the mundane physical reality of his body, and a lot of this comes through in how he alternates between short moments of fascination with what new things his body is doing as he explores it and decides whether or not he likes it, and his much longer moments of utter disregard for the same thing. It also extends to the rest of his mundane humanity, though: his physical limits, his adrenaline-rush of fear, etc. He values the coat, the cane, the reality-bending static, the smile - but whatever he sees in the mirror when he gets undressed or whatever doesn't function to his purposes, he can take or leave.

I see Alastor as someone who defines himself first and foremost as the radio demon: not a person, but a monster and an enigma. A voice and a personality. Everything else is more or less incidental, and he would prefer to keep it set aside, thank you. The occasional dysphoria isn't just about his sex, it's about the humanity of his body as a whole.

[nobodycanjearme]

i wanna be called a good boy so bad collar me and make me yours please fuck me until i am numb in the brain and everything just goes blank

i won’t make any intelligible sounds, only soft whimpers every time you touch me, because just feeling you is so erotic and pleasant that i just can’t help myself

[intersexfairy]

i am a trans man and one day i will love myself. even if not today. i am not doomed to hate myself for being a trans man. no matter how much i hurt right now, i will be happy. i will be my truest self. i will have pride. and it will be okay. one day.

[gender0bender]

ID: a comic titled “trannytoons presents: transman names you never see” that depicts four white transmen standing in a line. The first is holding some letters that spell out Hubert, the rest of them have names floating over their heads that read: Orville, Buford, and Lloyd. ED.

Comic from an issue of the FTM International newsletter. 

[fizz-pop-thwip]

Trans Sam headcannies blink blink batting eyelids (BC I don't talk abt the TRUTH enough)

Binders wouldn't have been super accessible in the 90s-00s so I imagine he used some less safe methods.

He'd bind for wayyy longer then he was ment to

If he was on a hunt he kinda didn't have many options

He'd sit on the bed finally when they got back to a motel and just breathe deep breaths for a while

His ribcage just perpetually hurt, he was used to it

He started T in college and got top surgery not long after

Dean had known about him being trans long before Sam left for college but he didn't really understand how serious Sam was about it until he came to get Sam to find his dad and 'oh my god that's a whole ass man'

Dean helped him cut his hair real short tho when they were young

John was not very impressed when that happened

John didn't know until they saw eachother post college

John didn't really get it. He was a very 'your ruining your body' type dad but honestly I think he would have had bigger problems on his mind to make a big fuss out of it (John winchester makes a big fuss out of everything so maybe more, he wouldn't make a MASSIVE fuss)

Sam was disappointed about his dad's lack of support but it was expected

Dean was very impressed by the top surgery job. Actually, considering he had never even seen one before, he was probably amazed.

Sam used to do research about what a trans person was in libraries on the computers

Most of his gender envy (/jealousy?) would have come from dean

Sam didn't really realise till he hit his pre-teen years

But he only found a name for how he felt at like 13-14

He told Dean about a year later

"I don't really understand much of what your saying, but if that's how you feel I just want to know that if that's what makes you happy.. I can get behind that, okay?" -Dean

Sam didn't cry but he gave Dean a massive hug. Emphasis on DID NOT cry those little water marks on Dean's shirt must've already been there.

Sam could only get so much from the internet so when he met another trans guy at college he was super excited and was able to learn a lot

He hated it when the showers in motels had mirrors right across from them

He'd leave the fan off intentionally so the mirror would fog up

[yuribeam]

I need to see some transition timelines from fat transmascs / nonbinary folks / others on low dose testosterone aiming for androgyny

[tanihanya]

I can't help but think that any way a trans woman sees trans men (or vice versa) seems to normally reflect internalised feelings about transness as a whole?? Like... I constantly see this rhetoric that it's somehow 'good' for a trans woman to be mistaken for a trans man because "you're like a woman to general society"--- which while is a fucked and incorrect viewpoint for multiple reasons, has only inferred to me that people spouting that rhetoric see being trans as an identity inherently weaker than being cis,, as if when you're being seen as a trans man, you look like you're 'failing to be a man.' And this is something that mostly happens in transfemme-majority spaces, probably (as far as I've seen and experienced) because when trans men aren't present, it's really easy to project your insecurities about transness as a whole onto them.

I remember when working out my own identity, I would tell my partner at the time that I wanted to be a trans man for reasons that I don't love to repeat, but were generally based on this idea as being seen as trans meant that society would always automatically view you as what you aren't. It's so important to recognise and work on internalised transphobia because it doesn't just harm you. Yes, while working through internalised transphobia is massively helpful for yourself, and will definitely help you view being trans as something much more positive, Internalised transphobia doesn't just affect you. It's harmful for yourself, but also everyone you're projecting your insecurities onto while you view yourself in this way. Internalised transphobia is an explanation, not an excuse-- Even if it's harming yourself, when the effect is that trans men and non binary folk get hurt from how you view transness as a whole, you need to change. I don't know why I felt so much like writing this. this is just what I've seen, so I've only really covered what I see in mostly transfemme spaces. I don't know, I really really hate this dividing language and these objectifying viewpoints we have againstt eachother, I really wanted to talk about it.

[mqqqteor]

he hesitates. swallows down the building bile. locks eyes with a fading woman who will never be.

he hopes...

he hopes she exists. somewhere out there. gods know not here, but... somewhere. somewhere else. in some other universe, maybe. in pretty clothes, in a pretty face, in some other name. without the burden of 'cloud strife'.

he hopes shes happy.

[moidz]

this may be controversial. but as someone who is a former trans man, trans men absolutely do perpetuate the cycle of misogyny. i still remember how insufferable i was. being trans only inflated my ego, and because of that i was more openly misogynistic. i’ve suffered from internalized misogyny my entire life. when i felt like i was genuinely a man, it felt like i was freed from my cage to be the worst possible version of myself. i remember thinking how i was better than women, and i would be their worst enemy. i remember fighting with many radfems back in the day. i was so obsessed with discourse. i wish i could remember who they were, so i’d be able to apologize for how much of a fucking clown i was. trans men nowadays seem to all act that way now, it’s unfortunate to see.