#ftm international

[filth-burps-writing]

I’m actually religious and holy fuck. Holy fuck. God is in my heart. Holy fuck.

'ritual for passage into manhood for a new man' via ftm international, issue 41 (june 1998)

[uncanny-tranny]

One reason you might not be very "good" about a trans loved one's pronouns or the language you use for them might stem from memorizing what they want, rather than actually changing how you view them.

For instance, my trans friend came out rather late compared to me. However, since internalizing that I wasn't really correct about who she is, because she's a woman and I didn't know that, it was instantaneous to refer to her by her name, to use language that accurately reflects her instead of what I thought she was.

When you actually internalize that a loved one is actually this way instead of what you thought, it makes it so much easier to truly and actually change your perspective on them.

In short, are you memorizing who they are, or are you actually learning who they are?

[ftm-radio]

UPDATE!?!?

oh my god. I don't know if I can even properly express how I feel right now. I am gonna need some time to fully process this, lmao.

I've been freaking out over this for a week, and today I finally had my appointment, and everyone I spoke to was so warm and friendly! I did NOT expect to walk away with a prescription today, like I figured that would be too good to be true, I'd probably have to come back for a follow-up before that happened, but no! The doc was like 'I want to do a few tests to make sure there's nothing we need to worry about, so I'm ordering these labs,' and I was like 'okay,' thinking that the T would come after those were squared away, but THEN she was immediately like 'and I'm also putting in a prescription for androgel' ajauhsbehdehjejbs

said prescription is being processed at the pharmacy, so we'll see how long I have to wait before I can pick it up. I'm so fucking excited. I can't believe this is happening.

...I need to take a nap. 😂

[transpoettryinghisbest]

[yuribeam]

I need to see some transition timelines from fat transmascs / nonbinary folks / others on low dose testosterone aiming for androgyny

[prince-liest]

Ok so I know you haven't officially trans anyone's gender in any of your Hazbin fics, but I lowkey get really trans vibes from Alastor in most of your fics?

Idk, it's a little hard go explain but what really tipped me off was his... distaste? Disfavor? Aversion? To his "male body" in one of the 666 fics. (I think the line was something akin to "the male body being what it is" in reference to Alastor getting hard fairly quickly).

There's honestly a lot of interesting things to speculate in relation to how Alastor views his body. Especially with his relationship with touch, and how he initiates touch and how he actively dislikes it (depending on the person).

Not to mention his feelings regarding his non-human features. How he doesn't inherently dislike them for being what they are, or rather, that they're "abnormal", but more so that they're not what they're "supposed to be", and not "what he was before" (though I do think that his dislike of his deer features is linked to his dislike of how he died, being viewed as something so easy to be put down - an animal).

Which also relates to how dressed Alastor constantly is. How he shields away his body using clothing, a customizable thing that he takes great pride in making sure is up to his standards (notice how when his coat is damaged he immediately goes to get it fixed, even though the ends of his coat is already damaged. He seems to have very complex opinions on how, exactly, his coat is supposed to be damaged)

I do think that Alastor's preference to being so dressed is linked to his dislike of vulnerability, but I also think it's a very trans(tm) move, lol.

(And I also do think that his dislike of vulnerability is tied to his transness, kinda in a weird "chicken and egg" scenario.)

I find it really interesting how Alastor's true feelings are revealed by his shadow, a being that can transform to look different, is mostly hidden, and is internally mysterious. Idk, it's just very trans(tm) to me!

I also think that Alastor's transness is linked to how he views masculinity, how he seems to automatically like woman, while automatically disliking man. How this is also tied to his parents. I've noticed in your fics (and could be completely wrong about) that Alastor seems to relate femininity (and his mother) with "safety" (how he compares the gentle touch in your last fic with feeling like his mother and his like of jambalaya).

I'm not sure if I would say that Alastor is a trans woman, but I also wouldn't say he isn't. Overall I think he has a very complex view of gender, but it's definitely something he doesn't put a lot into. Which relates to him not knowing what asexuality is.

I have a lot more Alastor trans thoughts, but this ask is already getting pretty long so I'm just gonna cut it off here. I hope I made sense, and that you're comfortable with me speculating on a character you've written about gender. (Totally valid if you're not though! If so, then please disregard this ask!)

I'll take "asks that made me realize I'm out here accidentally writing a character as nonbinary" for 300, please! Please prepare yourself for the mistake of letting me have a keyboard and talk about gender after 9pm, so sorry to literally everybody else.

You're gonna get a real fuckin' kick out of the first bit of the next 666 that I'm gonna post tomorrow. ;) It's definitely the point where I finally acknowledged to myself that I have a strong urge to inject some genderfuckery into Alastor in the form of him continuing to use his thing with Vox to explore his own relationship with, like, existing in his own body, and then also threw those feelings all over Angel Dust like a fistful of glitter while I was at it.

Like you said, I wouldn't say that I've ended up writing him as a trans woman, but I think I have seen him from the start as a character who is not exactly cis in a wibbly-wobbly way I have not previously defined but that I think I would perhaps characterize as "gender: monster condescending to play at humanity."

I don't think he eschews masculinity entirely, for what it's worth. He definitely strikes me as a person who aligns himself with the image of a smiling gentleman (if a hellish one) as the proper way for a person like him to be, and for whom that is an important, comfortable, and satisfying part of both his identity and how he relates to both his female friends and to men. However, he also strikes me as someone for whom that part of his identity is what he shows the world on purpose, presented as he would like it to be seen, rather than as something that reflects his bodily preferences. To put it another way, if he'd been AFAB, I think he would put just as much into his presentation, just in the direction of femininity, and it wouldn't make him any more or less comfortable with himself.

You're right in that I've definitely written him with a faint distaste for the mundane physical reality of his body, and a lot of this comes through in how he alternates between short moments of fascination with what new things his body is doing as he explores it and decides whether or not he likes it, and his much longer moments of utter disregard for the same thing. It also extends to the rest of his mundane humanity, though: his physical limits, his adrenaline-rush of fear, etc. He values the coat, the cane, the reality-bending static, the smile - but whatever he sees in the mirror when he gets undressed or whatever doesn't function to his purposes, he can take or leave.

I see Alastor as someone who defines himself first and foremost as the radio demon: not a person, but a monster and an enigma. A voice and a personality. Everything else is more or less incidental, and he would prefer to keep it set aside, thank you. The occasional dysphoria isn't just about his sex, it's about the humanity of his body as a whole.

[nobodycanjearme]

i wanna be called a good boy so bad collar me and make me yours please fuck me until i am numb in the brain and everything just goes blank

i won’t make any intelligible sounds, only soft whimpers every time you touch me, because just feeling you is so erotic and pleasant that i just can’t help myself

[mqqqteor]

he hesitates. swallows down the building bile. locks eyes with a fading woman who will never be.

he hopes...

he hopes she exists. somewhere out there. gods know not here, but... somewhere. somewhere else. in some other universe, maybe. in pretty clothes, in a pretty face, in some other name. without the burden of 'cloud strife'.

he hopes shes happy.

[fizzyvitals]

Happy belated international asexuality day!

I live in a small town of SC and the amount of people I think are gonna drop to the floor when I state I’m asexual is astonishing. I would love to have kids, I just hate the steps I gotta go through to get there and on top of that, I’m just not financially or mentally stable enough to have a child.

The reason I bring that up is because when I state I’m asexual I get the “one day you’re going to want kids.” I want kids. I don’t want sex.

To the asexual people, you’re valid and you’re so so, SO loved! Even elder asexual humans exist.

Ciao,

Azhtynn E. Myllo

[habitual-creatures]

I NEED TO STOP ACCIDENTALLY HIDING TAGS FROM Y'ALL BECAUSE I FORGET TO ADD THEM RIGHT AWAY HAHAHAHAHA–

Anyways whaaaaat??? Who said that??? Who said that that's not the reason???

Hahhahahaha??? Him being a good boyfriend is tooootally the reason!!

[twinkpeaked]

tips on how to get over the “you’re not trans ur just faking it” and not seeing a guy when you look in the mirror even with gender affirming hair and a binder

and when you misgender yourself because everyone around you is simply doing it

and simply wanting to shut up forever because no matter how long you’ve been training your voice it’ll never drop down as a cis man’s

[fizz-pop-thwip]

Everrryyyone yapping abt their headcannons so ig I will too 🤭

Sam

Transgender blood freak

Fuck nasty

He/him

Came out at like 15 to Dean (he was very supportive.. maybe a lil confused. He had the spirit that's all that counts.)

Bisexual pref for women

He didn't really 'come out' as bi but Dean saw him with a dude and found out

Sam was very nonchalant abt it, Dean was going crazy.

Dean

'straight' (Gay man.)

Literally he just has severe internalised homophobia

Discovering Sam was Bi probably helped him feel more comfortable to come out

Probably also gave him a crisis 'sam just likes guys, as a guy, normally. And that's fine. Ofc it's fine. It's okay. (I'm okay)"

Didn't tell Sam till like season 11. Sam knew tho but was very supportive.

kinda wasn't Dean's fault he left it so late he had a lot of internal struggles

He/him (sorry to all the genderqueer dean truthers )

Cas

Literally doesn't care

Like hes up for anything

Any pronouns, literally no gender, any fuck is a good fuck.

Cas understands he's perceived in a masculine way. He does not care. People always use 'he'. He does not care. If someone were to use 'she' or 'they' He would not care. Use anything you want, no worries here.

Angel gendered freak cutie

Wears skirts sometimes. Those long flowy ones that reach your ankles.

[insert-name-heres-things]

How to work through internalized homophobia, transphobia, sexual shame, ablism and sexism, no borax or glue? /hj but gen

[velvetvexations]

I’m gonna be completely honest at some point in a discussion criticizing someone for not using every exact word and phrasing you (general) think they should’ve, especially if you yourself think/know you’ve understood what they actually meant, is not useful or helpful to a discussion

It’s crippling to genuine discussion to expect people to be able to go over every possible bad faith interpretation of their words pre-emptively so they can phrase it exactly perfectly right accounting for every single experience and interpretation, and ask that they continually defend and re-explain the same things until the words are Right when inevitably that’s not possible, instead of engaging with the actual idea

I suppose there's a need to establish what the line is between like, what is the Idea, precisely, vs. what's just phrasing, but also like, if particular phrasing is harmful or not is also a good conversation to have on it's own separate from the Idea anyway...

Truly it makes me happy to help make these conversations happen but like with the non-binary/genderqueer thing I'm sitting here like, oh boy, I hope I don't say anything wrong!