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Anyone else going back to 505?....

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(i wanna preface this by saying i love jude and willem as much as the next person if not more)

but i still wonder about jude’s sexuality as he did.

in his pursuit of a romantic relationship where he went with caleb the reason he did it was because “i’ve always been with men so i just assumed” according to him (forcibly with men might i add) and when willem told him about his friends asking wether he was gay or not and he didn’t know even jude couldn’t tell him and that’s after him being with caleb and he still had no idea what he was. and in his dream of a life where those stuff didn’t happen to him he imagines a beautiful house with a lovely wife and his kids running to him.

and to think what happened to him messed him up so much to the point he didn’t know what he was attracted to, he stopped experiencing anything sexual at college (which even then was at random) for the ptsd to be this bad that he stopped at a very young age. and i don’t think this is talked about enough because of the abuse he suffered everyone just seemed to look over this part thinking he was better off either way so he wouldn’t be hurt but he still wanted it. he still wondered. he still went to extremes to be normal and wanted to experience this huge thing that everyone in his adult life kept talking about. and to answer my own question, nobody would no, not even him.

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it doesn’t suit you well anyways.

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"Limes," says Jude, looking up at him and shielding his eyes against the sun.

“Right, he says, and bends down, takes Jude's sunglasses off him, kisses him on his eyelids, and replaces his glasses. Summer, JB has always said, is Jude's season: his skin darkens and his hair lightens to almost the same shade, making his eyes turn an unnatural green, and Willem has to keep himself from touching him too much. "I'll be back in a little while."

A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara

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anyone else thinks of how jude looked like to people around him that didn’t know his story (aka everyone) ? like he was that one friend you constantly worry about but like they don’t know why he’s the way he is? aside from the three others think of how the henrys and their other friends viewed him? like this suicidal self destructive person and they have 0 idea why. 70% of the book we’re with jude internally and the rest we’re with the people closest to him but to others? it must’ve looked appalling and i think that was a big thing adding to his shame and self consciousness.

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IWTV art I did today

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Jude St Francis

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Drawing Adam reading because it means I’m basically reading, which means I’m studying ☝🏻

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exactly that’s my point (it’s not about trans/genderfluid people it’s the potential and the undertones of it so it’s not even a representation) maybe my first post came out as broad but that’s their entire joke initially that someone could be another gender and that’s the punchline and how they construct the whole episode to mock that

house md’s obsession with trans people needs to be studied i recall 5 eps being about trans people and i’m only halfway through the show

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house md’s obsession with trans people needs to be studied i recall 5 eps being about trans people and i’m only halfway through the show

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NOOOOOOT to be that person but i fear new heartstopper season might’ve triggered a relapse

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at the beginning of reading any way the wind blows and baz's double texts.....made me so heartbroken but also felt.

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Rust <3

~ L⋆.𖦹ׂ ⋆˙

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actual nightmare blunt rotation

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