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i hope irish catholic steve rogers and jewish bucky barnes are delighted about the christmas hanukkah overlap this year <3

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currently thinking about: this scene.

(all of the time, actually)

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When they’re seven and Steve has to stay in bed for a whole week he confides in Bucky that he doesn’t like school because he always feels left out when he goes - a grade behind and still the smallest - but he wants to go anyway because he doesn’t want people to think he’s small and stupid.

Bucky brings his arithmetic book over and it’s the first time they start studying together, trying to understand the equations. Bucky tells him how the class went over the problem, drawing it out with chalk on a little slate board he bought from Hartman’s General Store.

Steve never catches up in school but Bucky notices when Steve starts getting the problems right more often than not. Eventually, Steve understands the material well enough to help Bucky when he’s struggling.

Bucky feels like Steve mostly learned on his own. Steve feels like Bucky would make a great teacher.

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Same hun

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squeakven gnawnt

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Longing. . . rusted. . .

[bonus]

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Happy holidays!!

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before i get busy with the comms, here are some drawings i made of spiderfist that were really liked on twt!!<3

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THE COLD PLACES ARE NICE. QUIET.

GOOD AIR AND GOOD WATER.

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Every time I talk about winterwidow I have to make it very clear that I’m not referring to the MCU

Because while they >>>

are soulmates

They >>>

are homosexuals

And while I love them all equally my MCU ships are not the same as my marvel comics ships

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"Hell has followed us onto Earth, and I am the monster that has brought it forth." 🌟

From the book Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White

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let’s talk about the winter soldier.

let’s talk about posthumanism and body horror and the kind of thorough desensitisation that’s almost orwellian in its completeness. let’s talk about how the winter soldier has no concept of self or identity, how he clearly doesn’t think of himself as a person. let’s talk about him being desensitised not only to the violence he perpetuates, but also to the violence done to him. (the way he doesn’t react to pierce backhanding him, and just takes the brainwashing and the excruciating pain that comes with it. let’s talk about just how excruciating the pain must have been to make him scream like that.)

let’s talk about the winter soldier’s zero regard for his own wellbeing, and the way the mechanised methodical ruthlessness was used to underline his role as a tool. like. jesus christ, this isn’t just how pierce and his handlers and other people see him, this is how he sees himself. zero concept of agency or personhood.

let’s talk about the sheer brutal physicality of his fights with steve. let’s talk about how the force necessary to kick steve back is enough that the winter soldier literally falls down too, and just goes with it and doesn’t stop firing. let’s talk about the way he and steve are evenly matched, to the point that their showdown was this close to ending in mutually assured destruction.

let’s talk about steve rogers being the first and only person in the winter soldier’s memory who shows emotion towards him, and how much that fucks the winter soldier up; he doesn’t care about himself or see himself as a human being, and here’s this man he’s never seen before in his life treating him like they’re both people and not a weapon and a target. (MISSION. jesus christ on a pony i can’t even.) let’s talk about the winter soldier’s childlike confusion when for the first time in his memory he wants to remember or know something/someone except he doesn’t know how. he literally doesn’t have the tools to build an emotional connection, and he wants to, and fuck him if he’s not gonna try.

let’s talk about how he bloody well imprints on steve after a two-minute encounter that is mostly violent knifeporn; how his programming, fresh and new and shiny and terrifying, starts to fall apart again as soon as he confronts steve again.

let’s talk about steve rogers perfectly fucking willing to stay on a burning, crashing helicarrier to save the person who is no longer bucky barnes; who, if he can’t save bucky, is perfectly fucking willing to go down with him. because he’s with bucky ‘till the end of the line, and if he can’t be, then what does anything matter.

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Steve was allergic to cats before the serum, which was very dangerous because of how it could impact his asthma. So when he and Bucky retire and move in together he’s nervous around Alpine, of course wanting Bucky to keep the cat that he adopted, but not easily able to separate little Alpine from the time he spent the afternoon petting the strays behind Hartman’s General Store only to have such a bad asthma attack that Ms. Hartman heard his desperate wheezing outside seconds before he passed out and turned blue, waking up later in his bed at home with his mother telling him how much she loves him and how she almost lost him.

Bucky knows this and is careful to always keep the door to the bedroom and Steve’s studio closed so Steve always has a place to escape if he gets overwhelmed.

But Steve is Steve. He insists Alpine shouldn’t feel restricted in her own home just because of his own hang ups. He buys her a giant cat habitat for the living room and a bunch of toys. He always offers to feed her at mealtimes. But Bucky can see the way he holds himself slightly too still, tense with the effort of pushing himself to be relaxed.

Bucky always vacuums whenever Steve goes out to the store. He dusts too, hoping to avoid their apartment having any dander floating in sunbeams or lightly coating surfaces - nothing that could remind Steve of things he used to have to be wary of.

That’s why he panics when he gets back from a day hanging out with Sam to find Steve flat on the couch with Alpine sleeping directly on his chest. He’s not moving at all, eyes glued to the white puff-ball.

Bucky rushes over and drops to his knees on the carpet, prepared to scoop up Alpine and talk Steve down from what has surely been a horrifying panic attack - based on how tightly locked all of his muscles are - but Steve grabs his wrist before he can.

“It’s okay Buck,” Steve whispers. His voice is so quiet only a super soldier would be able to hear. “I’m okay.”

Bucky stays frozen in place.

“I was reading and she jumped up,” Steve says with a steady voice. Bucky spies a book discarded on the floor that he didn’t notice before and Steve finally looks up at him, wrist still held in an iron grip. “I’m really okay Buck, I promise. I just don’t want to wake her up.”

It takes a second for the information to register, but it must show on his face when it does because Steve lets go of him. Bucky sits on the floor next to the couch, pressing a soft kiss to Steve’s temple.

“How long you been… like this?” He asks quietly. His adrenaline starts to settle a little bit - as there doesn’t appear to be an immediate emergency - but the scene in front of him is still unnerving despite how serene it looks.

“I don’t know. I can’t actually see the clock at this angle,” Steve answers.

“Well how soon after I -”

“Shhh - you have to lower your voice Buck.”

Bucky rolls his eyes but drops his whisper down to Steve’s barely audible level. “How long Punk?” He ventures.

“About 20 minutes after you left.”

So a few hours, Bucky’s mind supplies.

Steve’s hands are at his sides on the couch and his eyes stay forward, watching how Alpine slowly rises and falls on his chest. Bucky reaches for the hand that had grabbed him earlier and runs his fingers over the knuckles as he holds it. He can tell when Steve isn’t being completely truthful, and even though he seems okay right now Bucky knows there’s no way he found himself in this position willingly.

“Steve… I know that you want to prove you can do this,” he starts gently, but he doesn’t really know how to finish. He doesn’t want to embarrass him, but it’s important that Steve understand.

Steve’s eyes pull away from Alpine’s sleeping form and meet Bucky’s guiltily.

“It um… It did start like that when she jumped -” Steve swallows and the sentence trails off for a moment. Bucky squeezes his hand reassuringly and Steve squeezes back. “She really startled me when she jumped up” he starts again. “And I…” his voice gets even quieter. “I tried to hold my breath until she left.”

Bucky heart clenches. Steve can hold his breath for a long time, and no doubt he would have strained until his lungs ached if he was feeling scared.

“But then she fell asleep and I had to - I couldn’t um… so I decided to try to match my breathing to hers - like I used to do with you.”

A smile crosses Steve’s face and Bucky reflects one of his own back. When Steve was growing up, Sarah taught him to match others people’s breathing as a way of getting past his nervous trouble. It was something he’d done with Bucky often in the 20s and 30s. And then something they did a lot for each other starting again in Wakanda.

“I don’t know how long it took… but I guess it worked.” Steve whispers. His tone is still a little too self deprecating for Bucky’s taste, but he lets it slide. “And I’d dropped the book when she first jumped on me so I just decided to stay here until she was ready to move.”

Bucky shuffles closer to the couch and runs his fingers from his free hand through Steve’s hair. “You’re such a sweetheart for that Love, but you could have been stuck on this couch for a long time.” He keeps his tone light. “Cats can sleep up to 16 hours.”

Steve looks stricken for a moment but then something in his jaw tightens. Bucky sighs at the display of stubbornness.

“If you say ‘I can do this all day’ right now I swear I’m gonna -”

“Buck.” Steve interrupts. His breathing is still even but Bucky can see the shift in Steve’s comfort level. “I um - I was fine before - after the breathing - really. I swear. And I’m still kind of fine, but…”

Bucky keeps his face neutral and gestures toward the cat. “You want me to take her for a bit?” The words are gentle, with no hint of mocking or judgment, and Steve nods emphatically.

Bucky squeezes his hand once more before letting go. He leans over and picks up Alpine, who looks adorably rumpled and furious at being disturbed but nearly immediately falls asleep again in his arms. He stands and walks her over to the warmest spot on the six level habitat - her favorite spot - and eases her onto a sun-warm pillow.

When he turns around Steve remains flat on his back on the couch, eyes forward. Bucky listens for his breathing but it’s still steady. “You’ll get there Stevie.” He says, crossing the room back to him and pulling Steve into an upright position. “Doesn’t have to be all in one go.”

Steve huffs, and Bucky settles onto the couch next to him and wraps an arm over his shoulder.

“And I’m proud of you for letting me know when it was too much.” He knows it’s exactly the type of thing that will make Steve uncomfortable, so he’s already pulling him into a sideways hug as Steve starts to squirm and protest the praise. He presses a kiss to the side of Steve’s face, which is quickly reddening.

“And I’m proud of you for remembering to match your breathing.” Another kiss, and more squirming.

“Buck -”

“And I’m proud of how -” his sentence cuts off with a fully-body laugh as 230 pounds of Steve attempts to wriggle away with a shimmy-style move he hasn’t tried since the Depression. Bucky retaliates immediately, flawlessly pining his arms to his sides while sneaking a hand under his shirt to tickle him. Steve shrieks and attempts to escape, flipping them both off the couch and onto the floor.

They roll around, each one trying to get the upper hand, all the while sputtering and howling until Bucky’s knee crashes into the cat habitat and they both freeze as it sways. It quickly settles, and a tiny white paw with pink toes appears from the top ledge before Alpine’s disgruntled expression peers down at them.

She stares at them both in the floor, tangled around each other, and they stare back unmoving, before she slowly disappears back into the sunspot and out of view.

Steve is the first to break, curling up against Bucky’s side with laughter. “Did you see the look we just got?“

Bucky nods with delight and pulls Steve so they’re both laying in the same sunbeam warming Alpine above them. “I feel like a peasant that just got scolded by a Queen.”

Steve cackles. “Pretty sure that’s exactly what just happened.”

“Queen Alpine.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighs contentedly. “Queen Alpine.” He shifts a little, laying a soft kiss on Bucky’s cheek, as a comfortable silence blankets them for a few minutes. “Thanks for always looking out for me Buck.”

Bucky blushes and snuggles closer. “Til the end of the line Love.”

The two stay on that spot in the carpet until the sunbeam has long since moved to the other side of the room. Steve eventually lets Bucky say nice things about him. And Bucky beams as Steve gushes about the moment he realized he was calm enough with Alpine on his chest to notice her pink nose was exactly the same shade as her “toe-beans” and how he’d like to try to draw her.

Then they talk about the book Steve was reading this afternoon, and about Bucky’s day with Sam, until Alpine decides she is ready for dinner and hops down from her perch to purr and demand food. Only then do the two fully untangle from each other’s embrace. And then the three of them head into the kitchen for family dinner.

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And they were roommates.

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Sunny mornings