#from what i know the noah posts he liked were like from the very beginning

[emmamountebanks]

Hey I’m assuming you haven’t seen the stuff on Twitter about Skylar but he was shown to be a Zionist :(. He’s liked a ton of pro Israel tweets/ Instagram posts. Including Noah schnapps . And he’s following the IDF

well thats a bummer way to start my day.

[tikosblogg]

Watching You…18+

Summary: Your life takes an unexpected turn when you meet your new landlord, Noah. He's unlike anyone you’ve ever met..

Warning: Stalking, smut,(DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU), piv smut, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), Male masturbation, female masturbation, light choking, DomNoah, SubReader. Let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: I was so excited to write this, sorry if it’s a lil sloppy, it unedited I just really wanted to get it posted. I’ll be going through and fixing things soon. Plz enjoy!❤️

I took a deep breath, steadying my nerves as I approached the modest little house for rent. The pale blue paint looked quaint in the cool morning light, a charming contrast to the whirlwind of emotions brewing within me. I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend Ryan—something I once thought would end in happily ever after. It hadn’t. So here I was, a freshly single woman standing at the threshold of my new life.

At 8 a.m. sharp, I parked in the driveway and stepped out of my car, my heart racing with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. My first thought upon seeing Noah the landlord was that he was not what I had expected. I had envisioned some elderly, mild-mannered man in his fifties. But no, standing before me was a man maybe in his late twenties. He towered over me at no doubt 6’0+”, with dark brown hair that framed his face nicely. I noticed his tattoos, which peeked out from under his black t-shirt. His brown eyes held a mysterious glint that sent a shiver up my spine.

As we exchanged greetings, his grip was firm and confident, leaving me strangely anxious. “You must be Y/N,” he spoke, his tone low and dark. “Ready to check it out?”

I nodded, trying to shake off the unsettling feeling swirling within me. Noah led me through the front door, and I couldn’t help but notice how he moved with a certain dangerous grace. Each step echoed a sense of dominance, making my unease flare like a flame left unattended.

The interior of the house was warm and inviting, adorned with rustic charm. As he showed me around—pointing out the quaint kitchen, the airy living room, and the cozy nooks—I found myself distracted. His voice was silky smooth, his words enveloping me, and I didn’t quite understand why I was simultaneously drawn to him and frightened.

“As you can see,” he said, gesturing towards a window adorned with delicate lace curtains, “the morning light that comes through is nice. perfect place to just chill and relax.” He flashed me a grin, his eyes trailing down my body. I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.

“Um, yeah I like this. It’s nice,” I replied, trying to sound nonchalant despite the fluttering in my stomach.

He tilted his head, observing me with an intensity that made me swallow hard. “It’ll be great, then. There’s also Lots of space for whatever you decide to do with it.” His eyes traced my features, lingering just a moment too long, as if I were a puzzle he was trying to solve, casting an intriguing shadow across the enthusiasm I tried to muster for my new beginning.

By the end of the tour, I had already made up my mind. This house, with its charming imperfections and aside from the strange enigma of Noah, felt right. “I love it,” I said, my voice steady now. “I absolutely want to rent it.”

“Happy to hear,” he replied, his face lighting up with a genuine smile. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a set of keys, handing them over with a flourish. “Welcome home, Y/N.”

In that moment, Despite the weight of my recent heartache, this house sparked a glimmer of excitement. Without hesitation, I decided to move in that very day. The few possessions I had left—all dumped in storage—were easily gathered and loaded into my truck.

After a few trips, I had unloaded my boxes into the living room, arranging them haphazardly as I took in my new environment. It felt both empowering and overwhelming, a mix of liberation and nostalgia tugging at me.

It’s been a few days since I moved into the house, it was nice but there was a weird feeling that I felt in my gut since stepping into this house. I can’t put my finger on it. Lights that I remember turning off are back on when I arrive home. Things are moved around here and there. I eventually chalk it up to me just being stressed, and not remembering.

I jumped into the shower before heading to bed steam engulfed me as I stepped in, a comforting veil that momentarily erased the uneasiness of the day. I watched the water swirl down the drain, just as my thoughts spiraled around the same few questions that clung to me since I moved into this place. Why did everything feel off? I couldn't shake this sense of being watched, even in the safety of my own home.

The house appeared quaint from the outside. Yet there was just something about this place. My belongings had found their place, but I had yet to find mine.

As I lathered shampoo into my hair, I remembered the light in the kitchen. I distinctly recalled turning it off before I left for work, but when I came back, it blazed with its usual brightness. At first, I brushed it off, but then it happened again. And again.

A chill ran down my spine as I rinsed the suds from my hair. Maybe I was just adjusting to the change maybe I can convince myself that I wasn't losing my mind. But there is a nagging thread of doubt that wormed its way into my consciousness. I could have sworn I heard soft footsteps echoing in the hallway when I was in the living room earlier, a lingering sensation that I wasn’t alone, despite the silence.

The water turned a chilling temperature, and I stepped out, wrapping a towel around myself. I glanced at the fogged mirror, My reflection stared back, still adjusting to the woman in the unfamiliar space. I tried to shake the feeling away, reminding myself that fear often manifests from the unknown. But I couldn’t ignore the shudder that rippled through me at the thought of what might be lurking in the nooks and crannies of this place.

After getting dressed, I settled down with a book in the living room, hoping the it would draw me away from the creeping dread. The pages turned, but my mind was elsewhere. I finally closed my book, the words blurring as I fought against the tightening grip of anxiety. I needed to confront this feeling, to understand what was happening. I decided to take a late-night stroll, hoping to make sense of the oddities.

No perspective

Noah sat at his desk, the late evening light struggling to penetrate the heavy curtains of his dimly lit bedroom. His fingers drummed absently on the wooden surface, creating a rhythm that mimicked the pulsing hum of the computer screen before him. The glow illuminated a stark contrast to the intricate tattoos that spiraled across his forearms, each inked line a memory etched into his skin—moments of joy, pain, liberation, and regret.

His brown eyes narrowed as he focused on the live feed that streamed from the hidden cameras he had discreetly placed around the house—a house that he allowed you to rent, to call your own. He had been hesitant about sharing his space, but the thrill of having someone new around was too enticing to resist. The first time he caught a glimpse of you, something inside him stirred—a mixture of attraction and obsession. Your soft voice echoed through the halls, bouncing off the walls so beautifully. He found himself drawn to you, even in your absence.

Tonight, however, was different. He had been roused from a hazy daydream as he realized the steady sound of rushing water had filled the silence of the house. He switched views to the bathroom feed—his heart quickening as he peered intently at the blurry figure behind the frosted glass of the shower. The rush of the water created a soothing backdrop that only deepened his focus. You were there, completely unaware of his presence.

He leaned closer to the screen, entranced by how the steam curled around your silhouette like a soft embrace. There was something intoxicating about witnessing you in such a private moment—your usual work scrubs replaced by the melodic resonance of water cascading down your skin. Part of him wrestled with the morality of his uninvited voyeurism, and yet another part was simply captivated by your essence, the way you seemed completely at ease, freeing yourself from the demands of the world beyond those four walls.

“Will she hate me if she finds out?” he mused quietly, his breath barely breaking the stillness of the room. The thoughts tumbled around in his mind, as his pants got tighter. 

As his thoughts spiraled, his gaze was fixed on the current play of her movements—rivulets of water sliding down your shoulders, glistening like diamonds. You lifted your arms to wash your hair, and his heart raced as you turned slightly, the contour of your profile framed by the curtain of steam. In that instance, he felt a surge of need that was both exhilarating and suffocating. He was an intruder in your sanctuary, savoring the glimpses of vulnerability that you unwittingly revealed to him.

He leaned back in his chair, carefully pulling his hardened cock out of his sweats, stroking softly. His eyes stayed glued to your body, as he stroked himself. Your name softly falling from his lips over and over again. He watched as you rinsed your hair, wishing it was his hands running through the long strands. 

Time slipped away unnoticed until he spilled all over his hand, with one last groan of your name, and a subtle shudder. The shower finally turned off, The abrupt silence that filled the room was unnerving, yet he never looked away as you toweled off, your soaked body. Guilt washed over him, but he brushed it aside, fixated on the routine that unfolded—a ritualistic choreography of drying off, dressing, and preparing for whatever the night would hold outside your temporary sanctuary.

Y/N’S POV

As I wander down the sidewalk, the deep hum of crickets fills the air, their rhythmic serenade providing a sort of comfort. I trace a habitual path through the neighborhood, passing houses with their dimmed windows, curtains drawn tight—everyone tucked away into the warmth of their homes. But then, as I make the turn onto Maple Lane, I see him.

Noah's house is always a little different; the illumination from his porch creates shadows that dance along the walls, a juxtaposition to the stillness of the rest of the street. He sits outside, casually leaning back against his porch railing. His silhouette cuts against the porch light. He's smoking a cigarette, the thin stream of smoke spiraling upward into the night.

He catches sight of me approaching, a smirk blooming on his lips. My heart does an awkward flip in my chest. He’s undeniably attractive, a fact I can’t deny, even if I wish I could. His skin, adorned with all those tattoos, and the way his hair falls framing his handsome face. As I close the distance, I can feel the warmth of his gaze enveloping me, making the night air feel thicker.

"What are you doing out so late?" he asks, that infuriatingly charming grin still plastered on his face. His voice is smooth, it sends a jolt of inexplicable nervousness curling through me.

“I couldn’t really sleep,” I reply, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. My cheeks heat up under his scrutiny; I can feel the color creeping up from my neck. It’s ridiculous how he makes me feel this way.

He nods in understanding, but there’s a hint of something mischief-laden in his eyes. “Insomnia? Or something on your mind?” he quips, exhaling a thin cloud of smoke.

I could tell him about the multitude of thoughts crowding my mind—the job I hate, my relationship that fizzled out, or even the creepy shit going on in my house. But the words catch in my throat, and instead, I feel my lips curve into a soft smile. “A bit of both, I guess.”

He leans forward slightly, the cigarette hanging between his fingers as he seems to evaluate me—my posture, my face, the way my hair flutters in the night breeze. It’s a gaze that feels invasive yet tender, like he’s peeling back layers I didn’t even know I wore. I fidget under the intensity of it all, the air buzzing with something electric, unfamiliar.

“You know,” he begins, his tone shifting casually, “it’s usually easier to talk things out than to keep them in your head.”

His words wrap around me, opening a door I wasn’t sure I wanted to explore. Usually, I detest conversations that delve deeper than surface-level chit-chat. I’ve been working on building walls, keeping people at bay so they don’t get too close. It’s safer that way.

A shiver travels down my spine, and I bite my lip, a whirlwind of emotions colliding inside. I glance down the street, realizing I’ve lingered a little too long; the cool breeze brushes against my skin, and I take a shaky breath.

“Maybe next time. I should probably get going,” I smile, hoping I didn’t come off rude.

His eyes linger on me, and I can read the question unspoken in the silence that stretches between us. "You sure? I was just about to pour myself a drink. You can join me."

The invitation hangs in the air, tempting me. My mind races, weighing the possibilities against the safe haven of my bed. But there’s still that strange feeling gnawing at me in the pit of my stomach—the kind that flutters when you’re teetering on the edge of something exciting and terrifying all at once.

“I wish I could, but I really should go,” I tell him, almost apologetically.

“Alright,” he replies, though his smile falters for a moment, as if disappointed. “Goodnight, y/n.”

“Goodnight,” I manage, forcing a smile before I turn on my heel and head back home, my heart a mix of exhilaration and longing, what is going on with me right now? I barely know this dude.

With every step I take, I can feel his gaze still on me, lingering like a warm touch long after it’s gone. I can’t escape the feeling that this night is significant, something that perhaps should have kept me awake. As I finally lay down in bed, the thought of Noah—his smirk, his eyes, the whispers of our words—wraps around me like a blanket, creeping into my dreams, making my heart race with possibilities I never expected.

I woke up in a panic, my heart racing as I struggled to catch my breath. My skin was hot and sticky, my shirt clinging to my body as if I had just run a marathon. I could feel the dampness between my legs and realized I had been having a wet dream about Noah. The thought of him made my cheeks flush, and I groaned as I kicked off the covers, feeling suddenly too warm.

I ran my hands through my messy hair and tried to calm my racing heart. Noah was my landlord, a man I barely knew, but I couldn’t get him out of my head. I groaned at the ache in my cunt, that’s not gonna let me sleep until I take care of it.

I slipped my hand beneath the waistband of my panties, my fingers finding my swollen clit. I was already soaking wet, and a moan escaped my lips as I began to run my fingers up my slit. I slid my them back down, dipping them inside me, Noah's name falling from my lips.

I pumped my fingers in and out, matching the rhythm from my dream, imagining it was Noah's thick cock filling me up. I needed to cum again, to feel the release that only a real orgasm could bring. My other hand rubbed my clit in tight circles, my breathing becoming ragged as I built towards another peak.

“Fuck Noah," I whispered, my eyes closed as I lost myself in the feeling. “Ohhh fuuckk.” I whined, pumping harder.

My fingers worked faster, and I bit my lip to stifle my moans as I spiraled towards my climax. I imagined Noah's tattooed body above me, his hard thrusts fucking me deep, and with a cry, I tumbled over the edge, my body shaking as waves of pleasure rippled through me.

NO PERSPECTIVE

Your soft, seductive voice called out to him, pulling Noah from his sleep. Groggy at first, he opened his eyes, his brown orbs fixing on the source of the sound—his computer screen. A sly smile formed as he recognized the sight before him. It was you. The woman he'd been longing to have, your fingers buried deep inside yourself, moaning his name. Noah's heart raced as he stood up, his bare feet padding quietly across the room. He approached his desk, his gaze fixed on the screen, and took a seat.

Noah leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk, as he watched you through the hidden camera in her room. You had no idea he was witnessing your most intimate moment. Your fingers moved in rhythm with your soft, wanton moans, your eyes closed as you lost yourself in pleasure. Noah's cock twitched in his boxers as he took in the sight of you, your head thrown back, your soft hair forming a halo around your head. He could almost smell your arousal through the screen.

He loved the power he held in this moment. Knowing he could expose you, humiliate you with this very recording, made his heart pound with excitement. But he also knew that you were an innocent, naive soul, and the thought of corrupting you, making you his, was irresistible. Noah's smile turned devious as he imagined the plans he could put in motion to finally have you underneath him.

As your moans grew louder, your fingers working faster, Noah couldn't help but notice the wet, shiny evidence of your arousal. He imagined himself licking your fingers clean, tasting your sweet cum. His cock stirred, straining against the confines of his boxers, begging to be set free. He reached down, adjusting himself, as he continued to watch, his eyes glued to the screen.

Your breath quickened, your chest heaving as you built towards your climax. "Noah," you whimpered, his name dropping from your lips like a prayer. Hearing his name spoken so intimately sent a jolt through him, and he bit his lip, fighting the urge to touch himself. He wanted to save that pleasure for later, when it would be your hands on him, your mouth wrapping around his length.

With one final, desperate cry of his name, you found your release, your body shaking with the force of your orgasm. His breath hitched as he watched, his own body tense with unspent desire. He longed to be the one to make you feel like that, to feel you tighten around him as you came. The thought of finally fucking you made his heart pound with anticipation…soon.

Y/N POV (next night)

It was ten at night when there was a knock at my door. The sound pulling me away from the haze of the late movie I had surrendered to. It was one of those nights where you find comfort in the dim light and predictable plots, but now an unexpected interruption threatened to unravel my cozy solitude.

I hesitated, the warm glow of the living room making me feel safe and enclosed. I wasn’t expecting anyone. As I approached slowly, an edge of anticipation tingled in my veins. I paused to glance through the peephole and my heart raced when I saw him on the other side—Noah.

His soft hair that fell effortlessly around his face and a smattering of tattoos that ran down his throat. I felt heat rush to my cheeks, a familiar tingle sparking to life. Unlocking the door, I felt as if I had unwittingly breached the barrier between dreams and reality. He grinned, that little boyish smile that could slice through my defenses. “Hey,” he said, his voice low.

“What’s up?” I asked, trying to sound more composed than I felt. I didn’t move aside; instead, I leaned against the doorframe, concocting the semblance of control. “I’m here for you,” he replied, his voice dropping to a whisper that wrapped around me like a comforting shroud. Confusion danced in my mind. “What do you mean?”

Without answering, he reached forward, cupping my cheek with his hand. His skin was warm, intoxicatingly so, and all at once my resolve weakened. He moved closer, dark eyes burning into mine. That familiar throbbing in my core ignited, feelings haunting me since my dream about him last night. That dream where I could feel his hands on me, his breath against my skin; it had felt so vivid.

“I’ve been watching you sweet girl,” he murmured, and my breath hitched. Then, he stalked forward. The way he moved bore an animalistic grace, confident, predatory. I felt the wall pressing against my back, a solid reminder of my confinement as he closed in on me.

I should have been terrified. He had just insinuated that he had been watching me, lingering just outside the threshold of my sanity. But instead, my pulse quickened, and I fought against the uninvited thrill that coursed through me. I never thought I’d find danger alluring, but here I was, breathless and drenched in curiosity.

Another chuckle escaped him, dark and almost playful. “I saw you,” he continued, leaning closer until I could feel the heat radiating from his body. My mind raced. I could smell the remnants of his cologne, something earthy and wild.

“I don’t—” I started, my throat dry as I tried to form coherent thoughts. His lips hovered just above mine, brushing ever so lightly, igniting a fire I thought I had tucked away. “I heard You whining my name.”

Despite myself, I bit down on my lip, wrestling with the conflicting emotions swirling within me. The pulse of fear intertwined with insatiable desire, and I was unable to decipher which was stronger.

“I—I don’t understand.” My voice faltered. “It’s okay baby,” he said softly, his breath warm against my mouth. “I’m here to help you.” Images from my dream flashed in my mind—no, not just images; sensations. The way his hands would glide over my skin, igniting every nerve ending. The way he’d whisper dirty words as he took me apart piece by intricate piece.

“This is insane,” I murmured, shaking my head. But Noah only smiled, stepping even closer until the space between us disappeared. My heart thundered as he reached out, fingers brushing against my collarbone, sending sparks down my spine. “Noah…” I breathed, caught between fear and longing. God, how could I resist?

“That’s it..Just say my name baby,” he urged, tilting my chin upward so his gaze was fixed on mine with an intensity that burned away my rationality. I swallowed hard, the room spinning. “Noah…” I whispered, and in return, his lips crashed against mine, and I lost all sense of structure.

The kiss was feverish, consuming. His tongue slid against mine as he pressed me deeper into the wall; I melted into him, surrendering to the tempest that was all things Noah. It was wild and electric, igniting every secret yearning I had repressed. He pulled back just enough to catch his breath, a series of heated stares exchanged between us.

He pushed me harder against the wall, his hot breath on my neck sending shivers down my spine. His hands were rough as he grabbed my ass, lifting me up and making me wrap my legs around his waist. I could feel his hard cock pressed against me, and I let out a soft moan as he carried me upstairs to my bedroom.

He tossed me onto the bed with surprising gentleness, and I looked up at him, my heart racing. His hair fell into his eyes as he leaned over me, his hands roaming over my body.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he whispered, his voice deep. "I love hearing my name come from those pretty lips."

I blushed, feeling shy and exposed under his intense gaze. He leaned down and captured my lips in a passionate kiss, his tongue invading my mouth possessively. I moaned into the kiss, my hands tangling in his hair as I pulled him closer.

Then, suddenly, he pulled away, leaving me breathless and wanting more. With a dark glint in his eye, he reached down and grabbed the hem of my shirt slowly pulling it up over my head. I lifted my arms to help him, and he threw the shirt across the room, leaving me naked except for my panties.

He took a moment to admire the view, his eyes roaming over my body hungrily. "Perfect," he breathed, reaching out to pinch my nipples gently between his thumb and forefinger. I gasped at the sensation, my breasts feeling heavy and sensitive.

He leaned down and took one nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling gently while his hand massaged the other. I arched my back, moaning softly as pleasure shot through me. He knew exactly what he was doing, and he was driving me crazy.

Then he stopped, leaving me cold as he pulled away. I whimpered at the loss, but then felt his hands on my thighs, pushing them apart. He hooked his fingers into the sides of my panties and slowly pulled them down, kissing and nipping at my inner thighs as they became exposed.

"Such a gorgeous pussy," he murmured, running a finger along my slit. I was already wet and aching for him, and I spread my legs wider, inviting him in.

He smiled at my eagerness, and then lowered his head, licking and sucking at my clit. I cried out, my hands tangling in his hair as he ate me out with expertise. His tongue flicked and circled my most sensitive bundle of nerves, driving me wild. He added two fingers, thrusting them in as he sucked and licked, and I bucked my hips, softly riding his face.

"You taste so fucking good baby," he groaned, pulling his face away momentarily. "I could eat you all night, but I have other plans for that tight little pussy."

Before I could respond, he flipped me over, grabbing my hips and pulling me up on all fours. I felt exposed and vulnerable in this position, but also incredibly turned on. Noah spread my ass cheeks apart, revealing my dripping wet hole to his gaze.

"So fucking beautiful," he breathed, lining his cock up with my entrance. With one smooth thrust, he slid into me, filling me up completely. I moaned loudly, the feeling of being stretched around his thick cock sending pleasure coursing through me.

Noah gripped my hips tightly as he began to fuck me, his thighs slapping against mine with each deep thrust. I cried out with each stroke, feeling his cock hitting all the right spots. He was driving me insane, and I could feel my orgasm building already.

Then, without warning, he pulled out, leaving me empty and whimpering. "Get on your back," he ordered, his voice hoarse with desire.

I did as I was told, lying on the bed and spreading my legs wide for him. Noah laid between my thighs, his eyes dark. He lined himself back up with my pussy and slowly slid into me, groaning as he buried himself to the hilt.

"Wrap your legs around me," he growled, reaching down to grip my thighs. I did as he asked, locking my ankles together behind his back and pulling him deeper into me.

Noah began to move, his hips snapping as he thrust into me. I met his movements, pushing my hips up to meet his with each stroke. We found a rhythm, our bodies moving together as he fucked me thoroughly.

He leaned down, his lips brushing mine as he whispered, "You love my cock, don't you, baby?"

"Yes," I whined, my voice hoarse with need. "I love it.."

Hearing those words seemed to push him over the edge. His eyes darkened further, and he grabbed my throat with one hand, squeezing gently as he continued to thrust into me. His other hand reached down to rub my clit in circles, his fingers slippery with my arousal.

"That's it, baby, cum for me," he growled, his voice deep and rough. "I want to feel you squeeze my cock."

His dirty words sent me spiraling over the edge, and I cried out as my orgasm ripped through me. My pussy clenched around Noah's cock, and I felt him throbbing inside me as he found his own release, his warm cum filling me up.

We lay there for a moment, catching our breath, our bodies still connected. Then, with a soft smile, Noah leaned down and kissed me gently. "I’m not done with you," he murmured against my lips. This is gonna be fun.

[concreteangel92]

Do you want to be a good girl for me?

Noah Sebastian x fem!reader

TW: mentions of dom/sub relationships, getting turned on? Honestly nothing is too graphic here

A/N: So I had this idea in my head today after wondering how the conversation would go with Noah about him being a dom while you’re in the early dating stages.

This has definitely been inspired by watching him spanking the air during IDWT$ the other day which I have yet to recover from 🥵

I haven’t wrote any type of fanfiction in about 7/8 years! I used to write a lot when I was younger but stopped due to adult life haha so I do feel incredibly rusty but Noah and reading everyone else’s stories on here over the last few months has definitely inspired me but please be kind as it’s been so long 😂

I am half way through a smut filled Noah one shot atm so hopefully if this goes well then I’ll be posting that soon!

Masterlist

• So far you were on date number 3 with the Noah Sebastian Davis.

• Tonight was a home cooked dinner and movie night at yours

• Currently sitting together on the sofa, chatting after dinner

• You had both agreed to take things slow-ish to begin with so you could really get to know each other

• Noah being aware that you were a fan of the band prior to these dates

• The most you guys had done so far was holding hands, cuddling and a lot of kissing

• Now you know there is more to a relationship then sex but let’s be honest, it’s pretty important and it’s important to be compatible

• You hadn’t mentioned anything to Noah about the kinks or kind of relationships that you were into but it was definitely the time to see if things could progress

• “so I feel these dates have gone really well and that we appear to be really compatible”

• “so do I”

• “but there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you…”

* Noah would definitely be more intrigued when he sees a small blush forming

• “ask away”

• Noah, as ever, would be very collected with a calm expression that you can’t read

• “Umm, well the thing is….I just wondered….”

• “Don’t be shy y/n, if the blush on your cheeks is anything to go by then I can only assume it’s more of a private question?”

• Noah’s eyes never leaving your face and of course he would have a small smirk on his lips

• “right ok….so obviously you know I’ve been a fan of the band for a while before this….so I’ve seen certain videos online of you performing….and….and seeing the way you present yourself or the way you do certain things…”

• “What things?”

• Noah interrupting with an even bigger smirk, clearly catching on to where the conversation was headed

• You would definitely be blushing a bright shade of red at this point and trying not to do your nervous laugh and you most certainly can’t look him in the eyes

• “The videos of you spanking the air and the way you come across….I just have to ask….are you really the dom that you appear to be?”

• That whole sentence would have been said extremely quickly

• You would feel the need to ‘shy away’ from him after being so bold, eyes looking down at your lap

• Until you feel his fingers brushing your hair off your shoulder

• “why? Do you want to be a good girl for me?”

• You would instantly feel your tummy do a flip and have an instant ache in between your legs

• The latter would have you squirming ever so slightly on the spot and clenching your thighs together

• Something Noah of course does not miss

• “ your reaction just then tells me everything I need to know about you”

• You’d look at him with big eyes, a knowing smile on your face

• “I just needed to make sure that we were compatible in that area, most guys I’ve met aren’t into what I am”

• Noah would be tracing small patterns on your neck, his intense gaze never leaving yours

• “We can discuss what we like or don’t like, make sure that there is a safe word or a colour system in place but I do think we are going to be more then compatible”

• The ache would start to become very prominent to you at this point

• “Just to warn you, I’m not always very well behaved”

• You stare into his eyes, heart rate accelerating and you most certainly had a wet spot on your underwear at this stage

• “Good. Because I love my subs to have a bit of bite to them”

• You would unconsciously move closer to him while his hand gently wraps around the back of your neck

• “Can we just skip the movie now please?”

• Noah also moving closer “please what?”

• “please sir”

• “there’s my good girl”

• The kiss that happens after this would be messy and desperate and a small indication of what was to come

• The film definitely being forgotten about for the rest of the evening

[honeytama]

Make Your Move - Chapter 1

Noah Sebastian x Reader x Matt Dierkes

Fic Masterlist

A/N: Very excited to begin my first long fic! Enjoy <3 I'd love to know what you think. I have an idea of how long it will be, but maybe I’ll have more ideas as we go on.

Fic Summary: Having known Matt for a year already, he knows your talents and hires you as his assistant for Bad Omens' upcoming tour. You’ve had a crush on Matt, your friend, and now boss. However, his good friend and your celebrity crush, Noah, takes a liking to you the second you step through the door. What happens when your feelings develop? What happens when they find out? You only hope your heart doesn’t break trying to care for two others.

Content and Warnings for Ch. 1: Fluff, mention of sex toys/masturbation, all of my works are 18+ only

Word Count: 2.7k

Matt called the other day.

“Y/N, do you happen to have plans from June 3rd to July 7th?” He asked.

You remember him asking you, but at that moment you didn’t even process what he had said before responding, “Whatever you need, I’m all yours!”.

You rolled your eyes at yourself. He was cocky, overly flirtatious, and arrogant some of the time, but he had an effect on you that didn’t waver.

You wanted every moment to be around him and didn’t consider the amount of responsibility he would put on you in the upcoming months.

It’s the beginning of April and you agreed to be Matt’s assistant tour manager on Bad Omen’s summer tour. Their full tour route has already been posted online and fans could begin buying tickets by the end of the week.

Today, you have to meet with Matt and the band for the first time to discuss tour logistics. Tour production, mixing, and lighting were nothing new to you, but you'd never gone on the road before, let alone with a band you'd never met… in person, at least. You're a Bad Omens fan– big time.

Matt and you have known each other for a year having met while you were on a walk. His dog, Zeus, had got off-leash and sauntered on toward you. It was fate the way the world brought him to you. He thanked you for grabbing Zeus’ collar before noticing your Bad Omens merch.

“I like your shirt,” he nodded at your chest with a smirk.

“You're their tour manager,” you said with wide eyes.

“Among other things,” he smiled.

The man had you wrapped around his finger starting that day.

You two exchanged numbers and have been hanging out and talking ever since. It was your favorite to go on walks with him and his dogs when he was home from tour. He flirted with you and with every hand touch and compliment it made your affection for him grow. However, you knew he was a ladies' man and decided to keep your feelings secret early on.

Now, he’s your boss.

—

The walk from your car to the door of the studio felt a mile long. The beat of your heart thumped in your ears as you thought about how your first meeting would go.

Would they like you? Would you do well or make a fool of yourself? Would they notice you had a crush on Matt? Will they just think you're his puppy to play with on tour?

These thoughts made your stomach lurch and nearly convinced you to dial Matt to call in sick.

Nevertheless, you wanted to prove yourself to them, so you put on your best smile and turned the door knob.

You were immediately met with a packed room and heads turning to meet you.

“There she is!” Matt exclaims while leaning against the long mixing console. “Everyone, this is Y/N. My new assistant.”

“Hell knows you needed one,” Folio gets up from the couch on the side of the room and goes to shake your hand.

“I’m Nick,” he points to another guy in the corner in a rolly chair, “he’s Nick, too. So, it’s ok for you to call me Folio.”

Nick, Nicholas Ruffilo as you know him, gives you a smile and a small wave before returning to his laptop screen.

“That’s Jolly,” Folio points to a rugged man sitting on the rug on the floor next to the coffee table.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” he smiles.

“And this is Noah,” Folio walks over to Noah and pats his shoulder.

“Hey,” he waves.

How can he be even hotter in person? You thought.

Being a fan of the band already, you had already attached their names to their faces, and Noah’s was your favorite. You thought he was attractive and started to develop a bit of a celebrity crush on him when you discovered the band, but once Matt came into the picture you thought it best to ogle over someone tangible. Now, Noah is really in front of you and you hope your fan feelings won’t make things complicated.

“Nice to meet you guys. I’m such a fan,” you say, professionally.

“Oh! You’re a fan! Matt, you picked a good one,” Folio grins.

You make your way across the room toward Matt to hug him. You couldn’t help feeling eyes on you from the direction of the couch, but your conscience convinces you to ignore it.

Matt embraces you before telling you to take a seat in the rolly chair beside him.

“Alright, my friends,” he claps. “Now that we’re all here, we have a lot to do. Y/N, I sent you our to-do list, mind getting that out for me?” Matt nods toward the laptop in your tote bag.

“You’re already giving orders? It’s day zero,” Nick whines.

“Treat her like an equal, man,” Noah is lighthearted, but his face says “Don’t do this right now”.

“Guys, I’m kidding,” Matt groans and pulls out his phone. “Ok, so we need to source crew, talk to management about who else is on the bill, create video wall graphics, arrange a setlist, mix intros for each track in the setlist… plus lots and lots of other shit.”

You smile across the room to Noah and mouth, “Thank you”.

He winks at you before looking down at his notebook and beginning to take note of Matt’s list.

Matt continues, “Noah, do you want to finalize the setlist? We can work on some other stuff while you get that done.”

“Actually,” he raises his head from his notebook to make eye contact with you, “I would love to have Y/N’s opinion on what I have so far.” He faces Matt, “She’s a fan and it would be nice to have some insight from someone else who enjoys our music.”

“I like that idea,” Matt agrees.

“Yeah, that sounds fun,” you say excitedly. Time to prove yourself, you thought.

“Sweet,” Noah says. He gets up from the couch with his notebook and pen in hand. “We can go out to the patio,” he nods his head at the back door of the studio.

You grab your tote and fix your outfit before following Noah to the door that he so chivalrously holds open for you.

“After you,” he smiles. “Let’s take a seat on the bench.”

The atmosphere completely changes as you can hear birds chirping and cars driving down the nearby highway. The back patio is covered with a finished, wooden awning and it faces a small yard with deep green grass and vines that trail up the fence surrounding the studio. Being here with Noah, alone, it felt like a dream.

You take a seat next to Noah with around two feet in between you. Your heart flutters watching him flip through the pages of his notebook as his hair falls into his eyes.

“There it is,” he announces as he tucks his hair behind his ear, only for it to fall again to his temple.

Noah hands you his notebook and on the open page is a list of songs. Some of them are scratched out and then rewritten, while others have question marks next to them.

“I hope you can read my handwriting,” he says sheepishly.

“I like your handwriting,” you smile, hoping to ease him. Why was he nervous? You thought.

You read aloud,

“Artificial Suicide,

Nowhere to Go,

V.A.N,

Glass Houses,

The Grey,

Never Know,

Limits,

IDWT$,

Like a Villain,

Just Pretend,

The Death of Piece of Mind,

Concrete Jungle,

and Dethrone.”

“This is perfect,” you gush. “The fans will love this show. I know I will.”

Your praise earns you a toothy smile from him. “Are you sure there is nothing you would change? You can be critical. I can take it,” he leans in urging you to say anything.

“You–,” you blush, “you forgot to add my favorite song.”

“What’s your favorite?” He’s still so close to you, yearning to hang onto every word you say.

You reach across his lap to pull the pen out of his hand. His gaze follows your hand to his notebook. The pen is brought to the page of setlist ideas and at the very bottom, you scribble If I’m There.

Noah laughs and rubs the tops of his thighs. “Really?”

Taken aback by his reaction, “‘Yes! What do you mean, ‘really’?”

“Hey,” he smiles with his hands up, “it’s a great song. I know the fans love it…” He holds up his forefinger, “But, one, we haven’t played it live in forever.” He holds two fingers to you and laughs, “Two, you put it as the third encore after Dethrone.”

You laugh along with him. “Fine, no If I’m There for the fans I guess,” you tease. “I just was thinking about when you and Jolly did an acoustic live stream during quarantine and played it. The song means a lot to me and your voice sounds amazing in it, of course,” you admit.

Noah bites his lip and fixes a steady gaze on your eyes. “Thank you, that means a lot. Maybe you’ll share with me what it means to you sometime?”

“Sure,” you nod.

“How about, when we’re on the road and you’re feeling down,” he looks off to the yard, “you say the word and I’ll play the song for you.”

“Just for me?”

“Just for you.”

“Why?”

“I want to sing it again; the song means a lot to me, too,” he looks to you.

–

“Matt,” you call out, “am I going to be feeling down when we're on the road?”

It was now almost two months later and the first show of the summer is in two days. This morning, Matt is over at your apartment helping you pack for your first tour trip. You have to leave to meet everyone at the tour bus to pack everything up and head out by noon.

“Feeling down,” he pauses, “like, sad? Where’d you hear that?” He comes out of your restroom with your travel bottles and extra toiletries in his arms.

“It was a passing comment that Noah made when we first met. I’ve been thinking about it ever since,” you look down at your suitcase on the bed.

“I’m sure he didn't mean to freak you out. But,” he opens up your mini bag to set everything inside, “yeah, it can get lonely.”

“Aw, you get lonely?” you tease. “Then, I’m glad I’ll have my best friend on the road with me,” you smile at him.

“Yeah, me too,” he smiles back at you, “Noah and I are going to be hanging out a lot.”

“Fuck off”, you flick the brim of his hat. Letting out a sigh, you ask, “Do you think I have everything I need?”

“Lemme see…” He hunches over your suitcase and rummages through the piles of clothes. It’s a minute later that you realize that he’s probably putting his hands all over your underwear. “Y/N.”

“What?” You ask. He’s still hunched over, unwavering. “Matt, what is it?” You repeat urgently.

“What are– Why do you have these?” He turns around to you holding your palm-sized vibrator in his left hand and your pink, five-inch dildo in his right.

“Matt!” You reach forward trying to grab them, but he pulls back. “Oh, my God!”

“You can’t bring these!” He yells waving around your personal items.

“I can do whatever I want! Give them back!” Your cheeks feel red hot as you try to reach for your things being held above his head.

He looks down at you with fire in his maple eyes. “You’re going to be staying on the bus with us. When did you think you were going to use these?” He laughs, and you hate it when he’s right. Honestly, you questioned why you even bothered to pack them, too.

“None of your business, Matt,” you huff letting your arms down, defeated. “I just thought, like, what if we got hotel rooms at some point during the tour and I could blow off some steam.”

“And, you thought that you’d get a room to yourself?” Matt laughs, annoyingly. He hands you the toys and you throw them into the bag in frustration.

“I have to room with you boys the entire month?” You whine. “How am I supposed to change my clothes?”

“You’ll have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable,” he shrugs his shoulders. “I don't mind if you change in front of me,” Matt smirks.

“You would like that, huh?” You jab.

“Y/N, watching you change would be my favorite show; better than any Bad Omens set, and I’m great at my job,” he taunts.

“You’re gross,” you scoff.

“You love me,” Matt relaxes on your bed.

He’s right, you think.

–

The sun was out again outside of the studio. You reminisce about spending time with Noah on the patio two months ago, and there were only a couple of days you spent alone time with him since then. Each time, you try to brush off the sense of guilt you have when Noah looks at you with his almond eyes; Matt is still unaware of the celebrity crush you had on his friend. Even though Matt isn't yours, you still liked and knew him first and it made it feel wrong to give Noah the attention you did.

Though, there’s no time to focus on that now. Today is your first official day of being Matt’s assistant and assistant tour manager for Bad Omens.

You met everyone: crew, the other touring band, Bad Omens, and Matt outside of the studio where the tour trailers and buses were parked. With your suitcase by your side, you kept track of everything on your iPad. You instructed where everyone was meant to be by the first show day and took inventory of all gear kept in the trailers.

And then after forty-five minutes of organization, everyone was ready to load onto the buses.

“Alright,” Matt calls out, “crew and our other band, you'll be in the first bus. My guys and Y/N, we’ll be in the second. Decide on your sleeping arrangements. Let’s go.”

“You ready?” Folio comes to your side.

“Yeah, I’m excited,” you answer.

With that, you load onto the second bus, and you’re astonished at the sight before you.

The bus is long. There’s a kitchenette with cabinets as you enter and a TV hanging above the entrance of the bus. After the kitchenette, the bus is lined with smooth, black leather couches and one small table for dining. There's a sliding door that separates the bunks from the rest of the bus; six beds total, two sides of the bus set with three bunks on top of each other. After the bunks, there is another sliding door that can block off a room with a leather couch that lines the walls of the bus. The back is decorated with pillows and twinkly lights from which you can see.

“Y/N, take your pick of bunk. I’ll sleep near wherever you choose.” Matt suggests.

You choose the second bunk on the right side of the bus. Matt chooses to sleep above you and Folio follows suit below you. As everyone is settling in, Noah trails in last.

He’s left with the second bunk on the left side of the bus, right across from you.

“Hey, neighbor,” he smiles as he puts his backpack in his bunk.

“Noah,” you blush while unpacking your blanket, pillow, and plushies onto the bed.

Matt finishes unpacking his sleeping gear and leans against the wall to address all of you, “Now that we’re back, I just need to remind everyone about the rules of the bus.”

Nick groans from his bunk near the floor.

“Well, actually, y'all know there’s only one rule,” Matt maintains eye contact with you. “No pleasuring oneself or another on the bus.”

Oh, my God, you think.

"I hate you", you silently mouth to Matt.

Beside you, Noah chuckles and crosses his arms. Turning to look at him, his cheeks are pink.

Did Matt fucking tell him something? You thought.

Matt raises his eyebrows at you. “Driver! Let’s roll.”

[l00na24]

Fates Edged On A Blade - Prologue Part One

A/N: Hello 🤗 This is my first time writing a fic for Bad Omens after a lot of thinking if I really should give it a chance and post this, so please bare with me as I will try to write them as best as I can 😅 Also English isn't my first language so please excuse any grammar or spelling errors.

I want to give a huge shoutout to @veronicaphoenix! Thanks to your incredible story I couldn't get samurai!Noah out of my head and wanted/ had to write my own story about him 😍❤️

Originally it was supposed to be one chapter but due to it getting too long for only one entire part, I decided to cut it into two. So the second half will be coming your way soon!

There's a part in here and in the next one that will probably not be everyone's cup of tea but even if it's not, please give the story a chance, as this is only the Prologue and the real story will begin in Chapter 1! 🙏❤️

I hope you enjoy reading! 💕

Warnings: fluff, some slight angst & sexual tension if you squint, mentions about the loss of parents, allusions to a forbidden relationship

Word Count: 10.8k

kami = japanese for 'gods'

The early morning sun rose on the horizon, its first rays stretching across the land we knew today as the deepest part of Asia and bathing everything in a golden glow.

It was in a day and age where myths and legends were real and not just some kind of fiction – but not everyone believed in it… brushing them of as ‘child fantasies’ or ‘old tales in books’.

Among these people was a 26 year old man, slicing his katana with deadly precision through the air, every of his moves a testament to his self-control and years of very hard, dedicated training. Which had earned him the highest rank in the emperor’s army and his rightful position as the best samurai he was known for in the entire realm.

He loved the quiet mornings, when it was just him alone on the training grounds or sometimes when he felt like it, a walk through the nature surrounding the castle - it helped to center himself and his thoughts. Especially on occasions like today, the princess’ birthday. He had to make sure everything was perfect.

But the universe would soon proof that some things were simply out of his control. He just didn’t know yet.

He was in the middle of doing a combination of slashes and swings with his long, razor-sharp sword when a soft gasp that would have been inaudible for anyone else, halted his movements instantly.

The tingling feeling in his body had already given away her presence long before she made the mistake of making a sound and revealing herself. He didn’t even need to look to know she was there but he wasn’t about to call her out on it.

But he couldn’t deny the curiosity building within him - How long had she exactly been here? What was she thinking seeing him like this? Why was she even here this early?

“Haven’t I taught you to not expose yourself to the enemy, princess?” His deep voice rang across the training ground loud and clear in a chiding manner, yet with a playful edge. Naked, fully tattooed back still facing her and on full display for her eyes to explore every inch.

There was a moment of silence, not in an uncomfortable way, but laden with curiosity and anticipation.

“And haven’t I told you to not call me that… Noah?” Her words brought a small smile to his face. The way she tried to hide that she had been caught, tried to hide the slight wavering of her delicate voice from him when she wanted to sound accusatory instead. These little actions made her all the more cuter for him. Not that he would ever let her know. But he would allow himself to bath in this moment for now while it lasted. Letting those butterflies go wild for a second who seemed to have manifested themselves in his belly for a while.

“And… you know- it’s not nice to watch someone without their knowledge.” Noah replied unbothered, completely ignoring what she said but still keeping his playful tone.

“I wasn’t watching you!” She had come out of her previous hiding place to face him, arms propped up on both sides of her waist in defiance. Now that he had detected her it was useless anyways. It was a stupid idea to begin with. But she wouldn’t let him see that.

“Whatever you say, Y/N.” His chuckle erupting goosebumps on her skin. She could never get enough of hearing him laugh, just like his voice in general.

Noah lowered his katana and loosened his stance, turning around to her fully. His auburn eyes locking on her instantly, not missing the way hers widened for a moment at the sight of him and his exposed upper body before averting them up quickly to meet his.

“You… uhm… You cut your hair…” Her observation from before left her in a breathless whisper, trying not to stutter and giving away how she felt about his new style. She didn’t think her heart could beat faster but right now it was racing and a fire was spreading through her that made it harder and harder to not crumble under his gaze.

“Oh, yeah… They got kind of annoying and I felt like I needed a change, so I decided to cut them. Do you… like it?” It sounded almost a little bit shy how it came out and he was internally already chastising himself. He didn’t want her to know how nervous he really was about the topic and what her answer would be. Looking at it, it was actually pathetic for him to even be nervous about something so insignificant. He was a samurai, he shouldn’t care about any of this. And yet he couldn’t help himself.

Y/N felt even more heat rushing to her cheeks from following Noah’s movements. How he expertly sheathed his katana without needing to look, to then rub up and down the back of his also tattooed neck with his other hand. He unconsciously did the one thing always making her weak to the knees. If Noah only had a clue how he looked like this, especially now with the short hair of his it was a whole different thing. She was praying to every kami above that he couldn’t see how flustered he had made her with only his presence. How was she supposed to answer his question when he had literally stolen all air out of her lungs? Was there even a suitable answer that would do justice for what she got graced to witness this early morning?

Noah was always the confident one, no matter the situation but to see him getting all shy and nervous about such a little thing made her feel so many things and she wished she could treasure this precious moment between them forever, burn it into her memory so she would never forget. The way his cheeks dusted in a slight shade of pink, how the light of dawn hit him in every perfect angle and bathed him in an ethereal golden glow, looking like it created a halo around him and illuminating every little detail on his body from his eyes down to all the different, delicate pieces of art decorating his front and arms as well - like a painting with his entire body as canvas and so many different details you didn’t know where to look first but together they blended into a perfect picture. It was a sight to behold.

“Please be honest with me, did you like my long hair more?” He was fully aware of her stare but he brushed it off as a reaction because she had never seen him half naked before. Taking her hesitation as a bad sign.

“It’s… different. But I’m sure everyone loves it.” She answered carefully after finding her ability to speak again.

“So you don’t like them…” He concluded, his stomach twisting in an uncomfortable knot. Face falling slightly.

“I didn’t say that.” Y/N replied immediately, not wanting him to make a false assumption but leaving room for interpretation. Maybe a bit too quickly.

The words made his heart skip a beat and brought the smile back to his lips. It was all the confirmation he needed.

“I see… Would you tell me if I asked nicely, my princess?” She would literally do anything he said without question, he wouldn’t even have to ask. He wanted her to fall on her knees and pray to him like he was the only god in existence? Yes. Yes, she would in an instant. She would even scream his name over and over to the heavens and for everyone else to hear if that’s what he wanted. But that was a secret she would take with her to the grave.

Noah’s gaze seemed to intensify and Y/N had to swallow a lump in her throat, shifting a little in her position. Clearly caught off-guard by the sudden turn in their conversation and his attention on her, like a predator watching his prey just waiting for the right moment to strike. She could have sworn his eyes had darkened a tone too.

“I think you’ve already gotten your answer.” It took her a lot of effort to keep her voice steady. She could feel a tension growing between them and she was sure it wasn’t lost on Noah. He was too smart to not notice with his senses sharp like his blade he carried with him all the time.

“I guess I did.” His tone was deep, not revealing any emotion behind it. But if his widening smirk was any indicator, he had what he wanted.

With a few strides thanks to his long legs, he crossed the distance between them, coming to a stand and towering over her with his height. Everyone else would have been intimidated in Y/N’s position with the most feared samurai right in front of them but Y/N’s heart beat only wilder in her chest at their proximity. She could feel the heat radiating off his smooth skin.

“But I have to apologize,” He spoke up again. “I haven’t congratulated m- the birthday girl yet.”

Noah hoped she hadn’t noticed his little slip up and observed closely how the expression of her face went from confusion to realization. For not a mere second, he was sure, something else had been there in between. He just couldn’t digest what it was because it was gone before he had a real chance to figure it out. God, what he would give to look into her thoughts right now.

Y/N was sure she stopped breathing when Noah went the rest of the way and hugged her. Breathing out a soft “Happy Birthday, Y/N.” and reveling in the feeling of her small body against his. She equally enjoyed how his strong arms were holding her and how perfectly she fit against him.

“Thank you. And don’t you dare apologize. You know you don’t have to do this.” Her soft chuckle was music to his ears.

“But I want to.” Despite not wanting to end their embrace and letting go of her, he retreated himself a bit after a few moments of them just holding each other so he could look into her beautiful, sparkling eyes again that always captivated him when he looked at her. Wanting to show her the honesty behind his words even if both of them already had known that she knew.

They were only inches apart, eyes glued to each other for a long moment before Noah worked up the courage to cross the dangerous line which always had been between them. Between two friends who grew and were raised alongside each other but different as day and night.

The emperor had raised him like his own son even if he wasn’t but he saw the potential in him to become the greatest samurai the entire realm had ever seen the day he met him as a young boy that had lost his parents. It was enough for Y/N’s father to take Noah under his wing and teach him the way of the samurai – Bushido, so one day he could step into the emperor’s footsteps; not so much as a ruler but as a warrior everyone would treat like he was a born king too and would fear when they even heard of his name. On the battlefield or not.

He was a weapon, sharpened to perfection and trained to cut out the deceases of their land without mercy and without question. It included those, who claimed to have committed their actions because of a ‘god’ they believed in or a long forgotten ‘myth’ whose knowledge was actually forbidden. The emperor himself made sure to drill this way – his way - of thinking over the course of Noah’s young adulthood in the boy’s head.

Telling him “There are no gods, Noah. All these myths they are talking about are only made-up child stories who never existed and their so called ‘legends’ are just another form of their lies. Don’t believe those lost souls, my child.”

When he was old enough and became a samurai, his codex left no room but to swear strict loyalty to the crown and so he never questioned anything the emperor said like he really would have been his son by blood.

Y/N on the other hand was raised by her mother, the empress. The kind woman allowed her to explore everything she wanted freely, to build herself her own picture of things and have an open mind for everything around her – much to the dismay of her father, who wanted to raise her like Noah and shape both of their worlds like his. But Y/N’s curiosity and good heart won over her father’s will and her mother did her best to support her, making her the princess she was today.

The same girl that stood before the six foot three tall samurai she knew from a young age who had always been her best friend and she trusted with her life despite knowing what he was capable of and how much death he could bring if he wanted to. There was never a single moment where she was afraid of him because she knew, no matter what, before he would hurt her, he would rather hurt himself or worse. He would absolutely NEVER ever raise a hand against her or would get violent. Noah would never forgive himself if he would hurt even a tiny hair on her body.

She was there from the beginning, had been the center of his world ever since and at the same time his anker he could pull himself to if he needed. So the closeness between them wasn’t as much of a problem and it didn’t matter if they were seen together a lot of the time when Noah wasn’t away to whatever place Y/N’s father had sent him to carry out his will. At least as long as they didn’t do anything inappropriate according to their tight friendship.

Like Noah was about to.

Very slowly and so careful Y/N had never seen him before, he inched closer and closer to her face, giving her enough time to pull away if she didn’t want this but he couldn’t resist any longer. He wanted to taste her lips so badly, wanted to know if they felt as perfect as he had imagined them so many nights. Next to other way more sinful things he wished he could do, things he would get killed for if they were caught. But he didn’t know any better way to die.

And if she felt even the slightest bit like him, then he would gladly take that risk as long as he could. Y/N was the only person he would make an exception for when it came to the codex he swore to live by. She was more important than everything else, hell, even more than his own life and anyone that dared to lay a hand on her or treated her the wrong way would pay with his life. He would personally make sure of that.

He kept his onyx eyes fixated on hers until their foreheads lightly touched, looking for any sign of uncertainty but when he found none after a second of intensely observing her, Noah allowed himself to close his eyes and let their heads rest against each other. A faint sigh filling the silence between them. Both of their hearts literally beating out of their chests at the small contact they shared.

Neither of them cared how long they were standing like this, the outside world having faded away, leaving them in their own where only they existed.

Y/N felt Noah’s heavy breath on her face and she was wondering how much restraint it cost him to hold himself back like this. But on the other hand his self-control and patience was something else and she knew better than to question it now. He could wait a lifetime if he needed and it wouldn’t bother him. So she took matters into her own hands and decided to make the next tiny step forward, not sure when or if Noah would do it. Slightly opening her eyes while she stood a bit on her tiptoes to even out their height a little and brushing her nose against his. Soft chuckles escaping both of them at the action.

Their mouths were so close now, breathing in the air trapped between them and almost feeling the lips of the other. The morning sun in the background casting an array of gold, pink, orange and a tiny pinch of purple and blue on them to pay tribute to the sacred moment unfolding with her as a silent witness.

Noah’s patience was running out – as much as control he possessed – but he couldn’t wait any longer, more than ready to break the invisible boundary before them. He didn’t care for the consequences in this very moment. What would happen if they were caught. What it meant for both of them.

Neither paid Y/N any thought to it as she was eagerly waiting for Noah to give her what she had been craving for such a long time that these seconds felt like pure torture he was putting her through right now. Couldn’t he see she was suffocating without him? That she needed him to breathe?

It was like the world was holding its breath, slowing time to a standstill only for them.

Leaning his head slightly to get a better angle to kiss her while she mirrored him, he willed every ounce of his last self-control he had left to last only for this moment so he wouldn’t hungrily devour her right here. Fuck, nothing had ever been so hard than these few grueling seconds with an anticipation nearly making him explode.

Right when Noah wanted to relieve them, their lips practically touching but still this damned last little inch away, a voice suddenly sliced through the silence. Bursting their bubble instantly and suffocating both, swallowing all emotions which had just been there with it.

“Princess Y/N! I’m surprised to see you up already this early in the morning!” Out of all people in the castle it had to be the one person who shouldn’t have been there.

The emperor’s advisor. Yuan.

A man in his 40’s with short, dark grey hair and a heart of stone. Y/N liked to compare him to the snake tattooed on the front of Noah’s throat. She was convinced if he wasn’t a human he would have been one instead. At least she could practically hear the venom coating his words every time he opened his mouth and every time she secretly hoped he would suffocate on it.

“Fuck!” Noah let out silently and whipped abruptly his head away and took a step back, hastily looking for his black top laying forgotten somewhere on the ground. Praying internally that they hadn’t been caught. Especially by this peace of shit of a man. He hated him with every fiber of his being just like Y/N because this man seemed to hate her equally, trying to point out her flaws or mistakes she made in front of the emperor, or just to make her look bad in general in the eyes of her father, only because she was different and with a heart of gold, he had sworn to himself he would protect with his life, even from her father if he had to. For Noah she was perfect, there wasn’t a simple thing he would change about her and even if there would be, he wouldn’t care. It wouldn’t change his feelings for her. Or so he had thought…

“Advisor! I didn’t expect your presence at this time either.” The princess turned around to him with a fake smile on her face, not allowing herself one last glance at Noah in fear of revealing what nearly had taken place before he had to destroy everything. Just like he always did.

“What a coincidence! You have to forgive me my surprise to see you also have company.” He faked a laugh, examining the princess and the samurai like a hawk for anything suspicious. Not hiding the distaste when his eyes roamed over Noah’s tattoos on his bare arms before they landed back on Y/N.

“I asked Noah to take a walk with me when I met him here because I couldn’t sleep. It seems like we had the same problem.” Y/N pressed out as nicely as she could, still trying desperately to calm her racing pulse. It was half the truth but he didn’t need to know which part. It wasn’t his concern anyway.

The looming presence of Noah’s tall frame behind her didn’t help the situation, his body heat still radiating off him in waves even through his clothes he had managed to put back on in time and she was sure he was struggling with containing himself to not make a mistake he’d regret later.

“I see. But I have to disagree, you know I always do my morning walk. I simply decided to go earlier since I was already awake. It’s good to have your eyes and ears everywhere, you never know where the enemy could be lurking. And we don’t want anyone to ruin the princess’ birthday now, do we? I’m guessing that is the reason you couldn’t sleep?” The man stood there like he was the emperor himself, still eyeing the two up and down and if Noah wouldn’t have been there, Y/N would have felt intimidated by how his icy blue eyes were boring into her.

“How mindful of you. My father can truly consider himself lucky to have someone like you as his advisor.” She answered back, not meaning a word coming out of her mouth. Then turning halfway in Noah’s direction who had been standing still like a statue the entire time behind her like the protector he had sworn to be for her, giving him a court nod to signal him it was their time to leave which he instantly responded to as if he had been waiting like a guard dog for his next command.

“It was nice meeting you, but I’m afraid we have to take our leave as the princess wants to lay back down and get some more rest so she is ready for today.” Noah spoke up, no emotion in his face or voice but his dark eyes fixated on the man opposite him, battling with the desire to slice his katana over the man’s throat or cut off his head altogether to finally get rid of him.

Even if him and Y/N hadn’t any physical contact, he still had felt how uncomfortable this man had made her feel by just looking at her. Enough reason for Noah of wanting to do something about it. But of course this snake stood in the emperor’s favor and so he was unable to do anything if he didn’t want to end up dead or wanted to damage his reputation.

One day he would make a mistake and until then he would patiently wait like a hunter for his prey and when the right moment came, he would strike and he would savor every second he would get with him. There would be no mercy. Just like this man didn’t know any mercy for anyone else.

“Of course, nothing would be further from my mind than to keep the princess from her sleep. Have a good rest, princess Y/N.” The emperor’s advisor bowed formally which she answered with an acknowledging nod in his direction before she and Noah started moving. Motioning for her with his inked hand to walk in front of him while he took a long, dark glance behind them, still eyeing the figure of the emperor’s advisor wearily walking in the opposite direction until he was out of his sight.

He felt his boiling anger slowly subsiding with every step he took, all his senses hyper fixating on the person walking right in front of him whose presence was calming him down. But not the wildfire which was still burning inside of him and he was sure he wasn’t the only one feeling this way.

Later in the evening…

Y/N

Safe to say I didn’t get any sleep at all after what had happened in the morning. The memory of it still vivid and fresh in my mind like it just had taken place, the moment between Noah and me on constant repeat.

I’ve sat in my chambers the whole day, ever since Noah had brought me back here. My head running in circles and my feet burning holes into the ground. We didn’t exchange a single word on the walk back but I felt his eyes literally burying into me. If he wouldn’t have been the most trusted person in my life I actually would have thought he was about to kill me.

When we had reached my rooms I blankly stared at the huge white doors decorated with golden, traditional, japanese ornaments lining their frames not knowing what to do. Noah had come to a stand behind me, way too close than he should. His uneven breath tickling the hairs on my neck and I swear I was about to faint if he kept going like this.

My hands were shaking as I reached for the doorknob, not from fear but from the unknown intensity between us. Trying to grip it hard enough so I wouldn’t slip before I somehow managed to push it open and willed my body to keep going.

I didn’t know what I expected to happen. Once we were in a safe place where he could literally do whatever he wanted to me without anyone’s notice.

“S-stay?” The word left my mouth unconsciously with a dangerous wavering in my voice, not yet daring a look behind me where I could still feel Noah’s presence that took up the entire space.

There was something akin to a faint, very low, dark chuckle penetrating the eerie silence between us, giving me goosebumps all over.

I was too caught up in the thrill and excitement of this new dynamic between us to notice he had moved in front of me. Only when he took a step towards me did I register his change in position and looked up to him with widening eyes. How did he get there so fast?

Noah had an ominous glint in his eyes, the usual warm brown in them having been almost swallowed whole by a sea of vast darkness. A promise to what was to come.

A shiver ran through me and when he took another step forward I instinctively responded with taking one back, my body moving on its own. The right corner of his mouth turning upwards at the motion. He was clearly enjoying this right now.

It went on until I had nowhere to go and he had backed me up against the wall next to the doors we had went through not a minute ago. Another thought hitting me when they appeared in the corner of my sight. When did he close them and why didn’t I notice it? But then, I hadn’t seen him walking around me either.

What then followed nearly had brought my heart to a complete standstill.

As soon as my back collided with the solid material behind me, his arms were to the left and right side of my head, positioning his large body as close as possible against my front and creating a wall to keep me trapped. I had to admit, it scared the shit out of me because I hadn’t expected him to do something like this but at the same time it sent something hot down my core.

Our eyes had stayed locked onto each other the entire time of our dance, not able to resist the magnetic pull and not wanting to either. I felt like I was exploring a whole new side of Noah no one had ever seen before, not even me. So many emotions swimming in the depths of his beautiful orbs and a vulnerability he had never exposed to anyone, allowing me a look into his soul at his true self. The man who had claimed my heart, who had become my biggest weakness. Noah was so much more for me than he thought he was.

Taking him in like this up close was still absolutely breathtaking, even if it couldn’t compare to before but I made sure I committed every little detail to my memory in case it was the only chance I got. His plump, rosy lips practically tempting me to kiss them, the curve of his nose, the perfect shape of his face with the sharp line of his cheekbones and his completely cut short, dark brown hair accentuating his face even more now. He was a walking sin. My sin.

There was a sense of déjà vu in how we stared at each other without the need to speak, our bodies doing it instead and I was kinda thankful for it because this man always made me speechless. Especially now.

I could feel it in every nerve when Noah decided to lean in and inch his way forward yet again but faster this time, the desire and hunger he couldn’t hold back anymore written all over him. The thread he had been hanging on about to snap together with his relentless self-control and I wasn’t going to make him wait any longer, lifting my chin to better meet him.

My breath caught in my throat when he was finally about to take what always had been his, ready to claim it as his own. Eyes closing and awaiting him eagerly to kiss me for the first time, letting me experience how he felt and tasted.

When his hot breath tickled my nose I knew he was right there but instead of joining our lips, I felt them on my forehead after another beat had passed by. Confused I opened my eyes and searched his, finding them already looking back at me with the same intensity then before. What was happening?

Before my mind could get consumed with a thousand questions about what was going on and why he didn’t do what we both clearly wanted, his deep voice sent me into a cathartic state.

“Tonight I’m all yours.”

And then he left.

Leaving behind a haunting sensation of his lips on my skin.

I don’t know how long I stood there blankly staring into nothing and not moving at all. It was like my body was stuck between shutting down and a paralysis taking over me, my brain having vanished together with him too. There were no thoughts, only pure emptiness – white noise.

I’m not sure if I had even felt my body at that point, I was just… there. Noah’s last words really starting to sink in only hours later when I was capable of functioning again.

Since then I had done nothing. The silence hanging heavy in my room like I was choked by a hand around my throat and I was at a point where I wanted to beg for someone to relieve me.

As if my silent prayers were heard, a knock caught my attention. The unexpected noise pulling me out of my head. It didn’t take long until my thoughts started racing again tho. What if it was Noah? Did he decide to come back?

My hopes were crushed as fast as they arose when someone else stepped in.

“I’m sorry I’m not the one you expected, my princess.”

“Hm?” I guess my neutral face wasn’t as convincing as I thought. “No, no. Just surprised to see you, is all.”

It was Ruen, my mother’s right hand and soldier, as well as one of the few people commanding my father’s army. Fully dressed in his usual full black armor with silver details on the front and along his shoulders together with his long cape around his back reaching to the ground. He was also a man of middle age around his 40’s with short, dark brown curls that were shaven at the sides and kept slightly longer at the front. He always was more of a father to me than my own.

“And I know when I’m not wanted.” He chuckled lightheartedly.

“Why are you here anyway?” I quickly changed the topic, meeting his kind, dark eyes.

“Your mother sent me. She wanted to make sure you’re alright but I’m mostly here to come and get you because your favorite part of the day is about to start.” At the information slight panic started to rise inside me. I had completely forgotten the time, still wearing the clothes from this morning and nowhere near ready to go.

“I won’t be ready in time…” I groaned, dragging my hands over my face.

“They are not gonna start without you, princess.”

“And father is gonna kill me if I’m late! Also stop being formal, there’s no need, Ruen.” Frantically I began to rush around, taking a first stop at my large wardrobe to comb through the variety of clothes until I found what I was searching for without losing too much time. It was a tradition by now that I always wore my special red kimono on this day, a birthday gift I had gotten from Noah years ago and ever since then I made sure to wear it every year.

The kimono was ‘special’ in the sense that it was not entirely traditional. The fabric was a bit wider, not as tight as it normally would be and also had a hood attached but it was still shaped like a normal one, at least till my waistline. Darker red flower designs made of little red and black crystals shining through the bright red color. The bottom half flaring out into various soft stripes, mixed with some other fabrics also accentuated with tiny red sequins running along them in a thin line. Underneath was a thin layer of a little bit see-through, pure red colored fabric to cover up my skin but you could also wear a hakama with it if you wanted.

“Let it be my and your mother’s problem. This is your special day and he’s not going to ruin it, Y/N. Also, can I help you with anything? Do you need me to get someone?” He waited patiently in the middle of the room, left hand comfortably resting on the sword attached to his side and looking in the direction I had just vanished into another room and making sure to speak louder so I could hear him.

“No, thanks. I think I got it.” I answered back while I got undressed and changed. “I really appreciate your help but we both know he doesn’t care. Father is only doing this because of me and I can be thankful he allows it even if he doesn’t like it. I don’t want to add to it.”

“You are like your mother.”

“Sometimes I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.” I exhaled, walking back to him when I was fully changed and finished quickly braiding my hair.

“Y/N, don’t say something like this. It isn’t your fault he can’t see what a wonderful and talented daughter he has. I’ve seen how hard you’ve been training with Noah and the other boys and how much heart you put into everything you’re doing. He should be proud of you.” A scowl formed on Ruen’s face at my confession, coming towards me and laying his hands on my shoulders.

“Why can’t you be my father instead?” My arms reached around his middle, leaning myself into him and enjoying our embrace when he reciprocated the gesture.

“I’m always here if you need me.” His arms around my back tightened their hold on me, gently pressing me against his broad frame.

I couldn’t help but feel that our conversation was more than it let on, his words seeming to carry a deeper depth with them. It wasn’t a surprise, considering our familiar relationship because of my mother and him treating me like a father since I was a child, so I didn’t think too much into it.

“We should get going.” Ruen announced after a few beats had gone by, retreating from me and giving me a warm smile.

“Can we stop by the boys first?” I sheepishly questioned.

“I had a feeling you would ask. Come on then.” His smile spread into a knowing grin, gesturing with his head towards the door.

Not wasting any more time, we took off with Ruen leading the way and me following behind. A warm feeling starting to grow in my belly at the prospect of seeing Noah again but there was also a nervousness I couldn’t shake.

Leaving the huge castle behind us, towering high into the sky with its immaculate white walls and multiple black, triangle shaped rooftops layered above each other, we reached the larger section of the training grounds next to the one I had met Noah this morning.

This part of the castle was entirely for the soldiers, divided into two parts. The first one was mainly used to train their combat skills or practice fighting techniques. The second had been built for our horses which was the reason why it was bigger, so they had enough room for riding or training to use them in battle. However, some of us used it for something a little bit different… like today.

As we neared the place, I could make out multiple silhouettes moving around in different kinds of speed and in different directions. The volume of their voices and laugher filling the air and making a smile spread across my face.

Ruen opened the entrance to the fenced place shaped in a rectangular form to let me in first before he closed it behind him. Our arrival was spotted in a matter of seconds and I could see their heads turning in our direction one after the other before they came over.

“The princess is alive!” Nick shouted excitedly, throwing his arms up in the air when he galloped towards me with his chestnut colored horse before he abruptly stopped a few feet away.

“What do you mean?” I nervously laughed at his comment.

“We thought we wouldn’t see you at all today.” Jolly answered for him, positioning his dark brown horse on Nick’s right side when he had reached us.

“They’ve been practically talking about nothing else. And happy birthday, Y/N.” Nicholas was the third one to arrive, taking the empty spot on the other side of Nick. His horse a shade darker than Jolly’s and built a bit stronger.

“Yeah, happy birthday to our beloved princess Y/N!” Nick chimed in and everyone around me joined his words.

“You are ridiculous but thank you.” The nervousness increased slightly when I heard they had been thinking about me being gone all day. It should have been obvious they would wonder about the reason because it wasn’t my usual behavior to not show myself or stop by them at least once. At the same time my attention was drawn to the absence of the last person from our little friend group.

“Where’s Noah?”

I was sure I had counted four people when we approached but now I couldn’t see him, trying to look past them but finding nothing but empty space. A pit starting to form in my stomach when there was no trace of him. Was he avoiding me? He must have noticed us…

“You should be careful with him. He’s in a weird mood today.” Nicholas’ voice brought me back, making my eyebrows knit together in confusion about the more serious tone and expression overtaking him when he looked at me.

“Weird mood?” I repeated surprised and tried to hide the spike of anxiety. Did he regret what happened? Had we really been caught?

“He made us go through our parts at least a hundred times today!” Nick grumbled beside his friend.

“He’s a perfectionist. He just wants everything to go as planned.” I retorted, stating the obvious. It wasn’t unnatural for Noah. Whatever he did, he always wanted it to be perfect and worked so hard until he was satisfied with the result, mostly overdoing himself. But he was too stubborn to admit that to himself. Maybe he got too much into his head and was overthinking the performance they were about to show and I was worrying for no reason.

“If you wanna try your luck, he’s back there.” Jolly pointed over his shoulder and whipped his head to the place in the back hidden behind them.

“He won’t bite my head off.” I let out with a scoff, not letting it stop me to search for the lost samurai.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that!” Nick’s joke echoed behind me before I was out of reach, leaving me with an uncomfortable feeling.

Noah’s figure was shrouded by the dark of night like he belonged in it, a dangerous shadow lurking within, avoiding the faint glow of the torches having been lit around the grounds of the castle and instead staying in the safe embrace of the darkness surrounding him as if he was a bad omen.

The enigmatic aura in the air a warning for the personified death itself.

And I was willingly following his call, not scared to find my own end through his hands so if it was his will.

The nearer I came, the more the shadows engulfing him revealed to me and my pulse accelerated like it always did when we were together. Noah didn’t seem to be aware of me yet but you could easily be fooled. I had done this mistake and had fallen right into his trap without even knowing like he had wanted me to when I had thought he hadn’t noticed me secretly watching him train, standing there in the light of the morning sun as I walked by. His tall, dark appearance a stark contrast to the golden light spreading around him. Only noticing when it was already too late and he had me in his grip. The one I never wanted him to let go of.

I was about to announce myself before I hesitated last second, suddenly not so sure anymore if I should do it or not considering his friends’ warnings. Maybe he wanted to be alone and I should leave him be but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed to know if he was okay. If we were okay.

He walked another circle with his raven black horse when an almost shy “Hey.” left my lips. Something seemed to shift instantly in him and his head whipped around the moment I had dared to speak, halting his horse on the spot.

His eyes going wide while taking in my full appearance, roaming freely across my body and making me blush under his gaze what he thankfully couldn’t see – or so I prayed.

It looked like he took in his surroundings for the first time, scanning the environment to probably assure himself that we were on our own before he spoke.

“Hey.”

The softness his gorgeous voice carried made my insides melt and all the nervousness was gone right then and there. I felt so dumb in this moment, I shouldn’t have worried in the first place.

“For a second I thought you were ignoring me.” It was meant to tease him, having no doubt now that he didn’t do it on purpose. Keeping my tone light so he wouldn’t misunderstand but apparently he did.

“I would never ignore you!” Noah shot out right after, multiple emotions crossing his face, mostly surprise and was there fear for a blink of a second? Did I actually manage to make Noah nervous?

“The others would tend to disagree, I guess – not that I thought you would. They warned me about you.” I told him honestly.

“They’ve been pestering me the whole day…” He answered with a long sigh, looking into the distance at the mention of what seemed to be an uncomfortable topic for him, showing me a glimpse of his annoyance but swiftly covering it with changing the subject in his favor yet again. “By the way… you look absolutely beautiful, Y/N.”

I hated how easily he could distract me from the main topic and change what we were talking about from one second to the other so effortlessly. Taking control of the conversation and where it was going, not telling me what was bothering him.

“Are you okay?” Even though I was flattered by his compliment, my concern overshadowed the butterflies he had summoned. I didn’t like when he was hiding his emotions from me and wasn’t talking to me about what was going on inside him. It irritated me especially now, thinking we would be closer than we ever had been after what had happened between us. He knew fully well he could share all his secrets with me, could tell me everything that was on his mind and could be honest with me without having to fear I would tell anyone or judge him for his thoughts and on the opposite side I could rely on him the same. Yet there always was this little thing I was too scared to tell him in fear it would destroy the bond between us, that he wasn’t reciprocating what I felt for him – well, at least until he proved me utterly wrong this morning.

“Now, I am.” I could practically feel the warmth in Noah’s words, the smile forming on his face pulling me right into him and casting its spell over me. Damn him and his stupidly handsome look and this smile… He just got me right where he wanted… again.

“Do you… uh… want to go to the rest of the boys?” Smooth, very smooth, Y/N. Totally not embarrassing to turn into a stuttering mess with one look and a few words from him.

“If that’s the princess’ wish.” The way his eyes narrowed almost unnoticeably in the dark sent a shiver down my spine.

“No- I mean-…”

“You have to forgive me, it wasn’t my intention to make your highness all flustered.” The innocence he feigned was betrayed by the amusement and satisfaction he was radiating. His smile spreading into a mischievous grin about my struggle with the new direction he had chosen.

“Then stop treating me with title and all.” I directed a fake pout at him, refusing to feed his confidence even more than I already had and trying to keep our conversation neutral.

“How do you want me to treat you?” His voice went an octave lower, coming closer and staring down at me from the back of his horse which stood with its side right in front of me, making him look even taller.

“Noah…” It wasn’t making me uncomfortable what he said but I wasn’t sure if this was going too fast. I needed to get used to whatever this was now between us and the new side of Noah I hadn’t known before. The seriousness in my expression and in the way I emphasized his name a hint that I wanted to retreat to the comfort zone of his friends, even if I enjoyed being alone with him.

“It’s okay, there is no reason to get shy.” Noah’s features softened, another wave of warmth flooding me about his attentiveness and the ability to adjust to the slightest changes in my behavior. Giving me the reassurance I was safe with him.

A gloved hand in black stretched out to me, ready to take. “Do you want to come up here?” I contemplated my decision if I should walk or accept his offer. There wouldn’t be any harm if we were seen together on a horse – we had done it before – and if I had the opportunity to be close to him I wasn’t going to let it pass.

Without hesitation I took it, his large hand engulfing mine in a firm grip so I wouldn’t slip out while I was preparing to hoist myself up so he didn’t have to lift me up all by himself, even if he easily would have managed to do it. As soon as he got hold of my hand I felt a strong tug upwards, putting my other free hand on the horse’s back for support before I jumped and securely landed behind Noah without any effort thanks to his help.

“Thank you.”

“Everything for the birthday girl.”

I took hold of his middle even if I didn’t need to because we were going at a slow pace and I was skilled enough to ride without any hold on something, much like Noah, Nicholas, Jolly and Nick as it was part of what we were doing for years when we had some free time. But before Noah would get concerned about my safety – even if he knew he didn’t need to – or anyone else who might see us, I decided to do what I was supposed to do. And maybe because I liked feeling his trained, heated body and muscles contract underneath my hands through the black costume. I could have sworn I even felt him tense up at my touch.

We weren’t far away from the group when Noah decided to break the short silence that had settled over us.

“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” He confessed, his voice guarded but laced with a slight nervousness and probably a hint of regret.

“You didn’t. You never make me uncomfortable, Noah.” I assured, wanting to ease his worry that he might have said something wrong or had gone too far. Taking me by surprise that he thought he could ever do such a thing. We were together since we were little kids after all and knew each other by heart. But he always tended to worry too much about me, thinking I wouldn’t notice when in fact I was doing the same.

The only response I got was a low hum before we joined the people waiting for us.

Nicholas made some space when he saw us approaching, greeting us with a grin. When we had taken the position next to him, I let go of Noah’s body and he gently helped me back down with one hand like before, making sure I wouldn’t fall until I landed safely on my feet next to him and his large stallion.

“You really managed to tame the beast, hm?” Nick stated in acknowledgement when he looked over to his friend.

“We were just talking.” I clarified, not understanding what he meant. Taking a short glance up to Noah curiously before it went back to Nick. They had yet to tell me what happened in the last hours because nothing they said made sense with how Noah was acting right now. Everything seemed normal like always, when you put certain things aside. Maybe he had just pressured himself too much about today, a knot forming at the thought in my stomach. I didn’t want him to put so much effort into something that wasn’t worth it in the end. It was only my birthday, nothing special and nothing I wanted to celebrate big but still these boys made it their mission to make this day something memorable every year. I could never thank them enough for everything they were doing for me. I wish I could.

“Whatever you did, it worked. He ain’t grumpy anymore.” Jolly commented amused at the visible lightened mood of his best friend.

“Told you we should have gotten Y/N here.” Nicholas said with a knowing look at the longhaired man to his right.

“I wasn’t grumpy.” Noah defended barely audible, talking more to himself. His brows furrowing and looking anywhere but us. He clearly didn’t like to be called out like this.

“Is the big, bad Noah Sebastian getting nervous? Or is it because of the beautiful lady next to you?” Nick’s words meant no harm, only wanting to make a little fun of him which was nothing new. “I swear, you’re getting more beautiful each year, Y/N.”

My whole body tensed when I could practically feel Noah’s aura darkening.

“Watch your tongue, Nick.” The brunette samurai almost growled and narrowed his eyes at him in a warning glare. Something cold and dangerous creeping in those usual warm, brown orbs and his entire demeanor was completely different from one moment to the other. Hostile even. He had never been like this towards his friends. What was going on with him? Was he jealous? No, he’s a samurai, Y/N. But he’s still Noah… Do you think he even knows or cares what that is?

“It’s alright, Noah.” I attempted to sooth him, not wanting it to escalate between the two because for some strange reason he wasn’t taking this as any kind of fun.

When nothing came in return - which I hoped was a good sign – I focused on the others who were a bit baffled about their friend’s unusual reaction. Impulsiveness was surely not one of his character traits, there was rarely anything that could made him snap or put his patience to a real test.

“I can give that compliment right back, you all look good in those outfits. They really suit you.” Giving the men around me a smile to lift the sudden tension and studying one after another in those full black, skintight, ninja-like clothes they were wearing. How could I have not noticed sooner how great they looked in those costumes? They were practically made for them and I could only imagine what they had planned for tonight. It surely promised to be exciting.

My sight got stuck on Noah yet again when I took him in from head to toe, making my pulse shoot up and bringing me back to the moment where he had caged me in with his arms. If looks could kill, I’d die very happy right now. There was that glint again, no trace of the coldness from before but the warmth they usually held.

Heat was rushing to my cheeks at the thought and I tore my sight away to not raise any suspicion. Whatever it was that had overcome him, it seemed to be gone as fast as it appeared. Letting me relax but it still left me to wonder.

“They are sick!” I could only chuckle at Nick’s choice of words. He was lucky nobody else was here who would lecture him about his language. Nobody except Ruen, who cleared his throat to remind him to watch how he expressed himself. Earning a shrug from the dark haired boy to which the older man could only shake his head. “What? It’s the truth.”

“Who would have thought our samurai has such a good taste in clothes?” Jolly commented with a raised eyebrow, one side of his mouth turning upwards into a smirk that got even wider when he locked eyes with said person. Something was off about it that much I could tell, not missing how Noah straightened up his posture ever so slightly and the grip on his horse’s reins hardened. Whatever they were talking about wasn’t only about his choice for their costumes anymore. It was definitely about something else I didn’t understand which seemed to either make him really uncomfortable or anger him.

“Maybe with some other things too.” Nicholas joined in, throwing a wink at Jolly. Both not able to hold in their snickers.

All four of them were in a weird mood and I regretted being gone all day. At least I would have had a clue what was going on… Did they know? Did Noah tell them? No, he’d never risk that.

My nerves were literally a rollercoaster, my mind starting to overthink and trying to match the speed of my heartbeat. What had we been thinking? If anyone found out… the consequences would be fatal. How could I have been so stupid to think I could keep this a secret? And how was I supposed to survive tonight if he really meant what he had said and I’d be alone with him? Maybe all of this was as a bad decision to begin with… No! I don’t regret almost kissing him. I just can’t resist him… And I don’t want to.

The neighing of a horse snapped me out of my head, breaking my train of thought.

It must have come from Noah’s as it was tugging at the reins while raising its head and pulling against its restraints. Stomping with its hooves back and forth at the same time.

First I moved a few feet away from its side for my safety before I carefully came closer to its front, watching its movements to assess what to do and how to respond to its actions.

It was nervous.

“Hey, everything’s okay. Shh. Calm down, it’s okay.” I slowly inched my way forward till I reached it, softly laying my right hand on the front of its head and starting to stroke it to calm it down, holding the reins lightly with my other hand to restrain its violent movements.

“You are making him nervous.” I stated to its rider, missing the quizzical look overtaking his face because I was busy focusing on his temperamental companion.

Thankfully it worked and the horse was relaxing into my touch after a couple of strokes and a few more calming words.

“There you go. Everything’s alright.” I was lightly petting the side of its throat before moving back to its head who was hanging lower now, almost motionless. A sign that the animal was completely at ease now.

“You’re not the only one demanding my attention today, hm?” I chuckled and looked up to Noah for a second. Two could play this game the boys were playing. Earning a deep snort from the black horse in return who was pushing its head against me now. “That’s my good boy.”

The men around me were all watching me in awe doing what I could do best. As cliché as it sounds but I loved horses and learned how to ride from a young age thanks to Ruen who initially introduced me to them. These animals were not only beautiful but their empathy was what made them so special. They could feel your emotions and reflect them back at you. That’s why I spent most of my time with them when I didn’t have to be a princess or wasn’t sneakily reading through the large amount of books hidden away in the castle because they contained tails from centuries ago, of an age that had long passed, telling about forbidden stories of gods who were believed to have existed in this land.

It also gave me the opportunity to be with the boys a lot, laughing, sharing stories, teaching them new tricks on their horses or simply just spending some time with each other when Jolly, Nicholas and Nick weren’t on their duty as castle guards and Noah wasn’t needed for the time being.

These few things were my only escape from the golden cage I had been placed in and I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing if I didn’t have them.

They were essentially like a second family, sharing the same passion with me after I got them in touch with the artistic side of riding and showed them that these animals were so much more than everybody else in this castle like my father thought they were – their intelligence included. It took a little bit of convincing to get them to try it out but once they eventually did, it turned out they all had a talent for it just like me. Leading to hours and hours of training choreographies and stunts with each other because we loved what we did. Each of them having their own skillset just like their horses who matched their individual characters.

Nicholas and Jolly were more laid back, Noah and Nick on the other hand the most active, doing the riskier tricks. Perfectly fitting the energy of their stallions.

Of course this came with a downside, the perfect example standing right before me. Noah’s horse was our little problem straight from the start. It took a lot of time and hard work to get it to where it was now. The raven black stallion allowed no one on his back but Noah and me and wasn’t taking any commands from anyone else either. Everyone writing it off as ‘unrideable’, some even had declared it as a ‘bad omen’, but the truth was you just had to get to know and understand it. Its temper mirroring the samurai’s in every possible way, even the same bullheadedness.

You would think under the calm and collected demeanor wouldn’t be anything more but there was a lot Noah wasn’t showing that reached deeper. I wished he would let go and show more of it. He had given me a glimpse of it this morning and I wanted to discover all of it.

“You do what Noah tells you to do, alright? Show them what we’ve been training. I want you to make their jaws drop.” I said with insistency, stroking behind its ears and back down before giving my attention to the other three.

“All of you.”

Moving down in a row and stroking each one from Nicholas’ over Nick’s to Jolly’s. Making sure to give them some love equally and check if they were ready for their performance.

“Y/N, we need to go.” Ruen announced behind me when I was finished with the last.

“I could bring her.” Noah threw in suddenly, surprising me with his offer.

“No, it’s okay. You go and get ready for your show. I’m fine.” I declined politely, wanting to give him the chance to fully focus before they were going out there. He was good at keeping his expression unchanged but I noticed his face fall the smallest amount, feeling the butterflies tickling my insides at the little action. Or rather the meaning behind it.

I acknowledged the boys with a challenging smile, continuing where I left off.

“That includes the four of you! I’m excited to see what you’ve been planning.” Their eyes were shining with excitement and you could feel the energy they were giving off. They were more than ready to make themselves the highlight of this evening.

I was so proud of them and it made me happy to see them like this.

I shared a last glance with each one, letting it linger for a second longer on Noah. There was something playful and mischievous in his eyes, he definitely had accepted my challenge and was determined to not only complete it but to raise the level even higher. His unrelenting confidence was turning me into a puddle, spreading a wave of heat through me.

The dark of the night was thankfully covering it up and before anyone of them could notice how red my face probably was, I swiftly stepped to his horse and gave it a kiss above its nose.

“Be a good boy.” I whispered to it quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear. But apparently a certain someone did without making it known.

To not make Ruen wait any longer, I came to him so we could leave. “Let’s go.”

As we were about to move, I heard a distant sound coming from somewhere further away outside the castle, my head snapping into the direction.

“Did you hear that?” I asked and tried to make out something in the darkness above the castle walls but couldn’t spot anything.

“What?” Nicholas questioned back, exchanging a look with the other men and following my sight.

“I didn’t hear anything.” Jolly answered unconcerned.

“Are you sure you not made it up?” Nick could be right and I just thought I heard something but I was sure I didn’t.

Noah kept silent but instead fixated his observing gaze into the direction I was looking. Narrowing his eyes, concern ghosting his features for a moment.

“It’s probably nothing.” After nothing else happened, I decided to let it go and not think any more about it.

Starting to walk away with Ruen next to me and brushing it off.

“You won’t forget this!” We heard Nick shouting after us.

“I bet!” I stopped and shouted back at them, catching their group staring at me.

It was like his final words were heard by the kami.

I truly wouldn’t forget this night.

Masterlist 🌸 Next Chapter

Tags: @concreteangel92

[veronicaphoenix]

zutto — prologue

Chapter summary: Lia regains consciousness after her overdose and finds Noah by her side, ready to assure her that things will get better and that he's not leaving her side.

Chapter tags & trigger warnings: the events take place right after an overdose, talks between patient and doctor about medical treatments, including medication and rehab, mentions of suicide, mentions of abusive relationships and childhood trauma, implied depression, angst, and an almost-kiss. | Word count: 4.9k | Cross posted on AO3. | Series masterpost. ✧.*

General trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction and violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised. +18

Shoutout to my favorite band Linkin Park for the inspiration brought by their song "With You" when I was writing the beginning of this chapter :)

I was caught in a dream.

I knew I was dreaming because I could feel Noah wrapped around me. He was naked under the bedsheets, and my head lay on his chest while his fingers brushed my hair very gently. I could feel his heartbeat, slowing down after our high, and the soft words he was whispering in my ear. I giggled, tickling him. He grabbed me and put me astride on his lap. 

We stared at each other, my hands flat on his inked chest, his on my bare thighs. 

The room smelled like sex and our sated expressions conveyed the harmony we had found losing ourselves to each other.  

Everything was okay when I bent down and he captured my lips on his and kissed me slowly. 

My eyelids felt heavy. 

I didn’t want to wake up, I wanted to live in the feeling of his hands on my naked skin, but the realization that I was dreaming made me want to elude reality at all costs.

It took me a while to open my eyes and adjust to the light in the room. I didn’t recognize where I was, and my body felt unfamiliar to me. I tried to move my head to the side but the gesture felt extremely difficult, as if my body was made of stone. When I did, I spotted a big window covered by blueish thick curtains that I wasn’t familiar with. None of the furniture my eyes fell upon I could recognize. 

I heard a startled gasp coming from my other side, and after struggling to look that way, my eyes fell upon a long figure slouched forward in an armchair. 

“Noah?”

Tears stung my eyes. 

When he looked at me, my whole world fell at my feet. His eyes were red and swollen, his hair greasy and disheveled, and a hint of stubble clung unevenly to his weary face. As I saw his expression, the weight of what I had done fell on me. I was left in the wake of my mistake, and I was slow to react. 

He stood up quickly, losing balance for a second, and moved to the bed where I was in. 

“Hey,” he tried to sound composed, but that composure didn’t reach his eyes.

I felt scared, panic surging from within me.   

“Where are we?” I asked, my voice raspy due to the dryness in my throat. I needed some water. 

My hands moved to my face and I noticed something connected to my nose.

“Don’t. That’s helping you breathe,” Noah said with urgency, grabbing my wrists gently.

“What happened?” I asked, not recognizing my own voice. I straightened up in the bed. 

Everything ached. 

I looked down at myself. I was covered in a hospital gown and white ugly bedsheets covered half of my body. I had cables connected to my arms, and suddenly, as I regained consciousness of my body, the pain intensified, as if I had been ran over by a truck. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t recognize myself. I didn’t know who I was, who I had turned into. My heartbeat drummed in my chest, and I could feel the panic taking over me. 

Noah’s instruction to breath came and went. I was unable to process his words, not even when I looked at him and saw that he was about to lose himself, too. 

“I’m going to call the doctor.”

He made attempt of moving away, and with the little strength I had, I grabbed his wrist, my fingers tightening around his skin.

“No. D-don’t go. Please.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured. “But someone needs to come and check on you.” 

Not a minute later, a nurse was checking my vitals and a male doctor, who introduced himself as Dr. Dayal and was nearly as tall as Noah, was standing at the end of the bed, reading something on an iPad he held in his hands. My hand was clasping Noah’s, unable to let go. I was terrified, and my breathing still ragged. How long had it been? Since when had I been prostrated on that bed? What was wrong with me? Was I sick? Would I ever recover?

I wanted to go home. All I wanted was to go back to Noah’s house and hide under the covers of his bed. 

My lips trembled as I tried to say something. The doctor shot a glance at me, then to the nurse at my side. She said something to him that I couldn’t quite understand, something related to my blood pressure, and I don’t know what else.

“You should take it easy, Miss Parker,” he finally said to me. 

I didn’t know what he meant. I was laying down in a hospital bed, unable to move. The only thing that was out of control was my heart. I was about to burst out crying, and the fact that his words seemed to hint that he knew that made me feel embarrassed and even more powerless. 

“Do you know where you are?”

I nodded, a lump in my throat. “Hospital,” I answered through my distress. “Chicago?” That was the last city where Bad Omens played. We had to be there, right? In Chicago, state of Illinois. 

Dr. Dayal nodded and wrote something down on the iPad. 

“How are you feeling?”

Was he asking me? 

“I-I’m…” I looked to Noah, the pained expression on his face was breaking my heart. “Disoriented.” I wasn’t sure if that was the word. I was feeling so many different things.

“Your body is recovering from a toxic shock, and it will be for the next few days,” he informed. 

That much I had guessed. Even though I couldn’t recall the memory of how I had done it and how I had made it to my hotel room, I knew I had been in Noah’s arms that night, that he had kissed me under the lights of the bar in the hotel lobby, that I have felt at heaven, and then the memory of my mother, of Mitch, and every other thorn that had been stuck in my side through the years overflooded me, reminding me that if I let myself melt into Noah, our relationship would just head towards an inevitable fatal end. I had cried with his lips on mine. He had tasted my salty tears. And then, I had run away from him and from everything he was offering. I wanted him to know that it wasn’t that what I wanted, needed him to know that it wasn’t that I didn’t want him —I wanted everything, and I wanted him, above all— but I was so scared… and I blamed myself for everything, and I wanted to forget, to lose myself in an endless sleep. 

But I hadn’t meant to… I hadn’t meant to head in this direction.

“You might experience memory loss and difficulty concentrating, and suffer from disrupted sleep patterns and sub-optimal physical functioning for a while,” the doctor continued. “Do you remember taking anything or what led to your overdose?”

“I…” No. I couldn’t. I had pills’ names flooding my mind, medication prescribed by my therapist, but I couldn’t remember what exactly I had taken before ending up in here.

“It’s alright. We’ve ran some tests. We already got a clear understanding of what substances were involved, but we’ll keep running more tests to keep your overall health assessed and determine how much was in your body and what is left. For now, as I said, you should take it easy.”

I was floating. My head was just catching half of the words. I tightened my grip on Noah, as if my body was speaking for myself, telling him to pay attention because I couldn’t. I clearly couldn’t take care of myself, and I’d need someone to do it for me. 

“We are… We are supposed to fly to Kyoto next month,” I randomly said, the reminder of the band’s tour suddenly crossing my mind. 

“Well,” the doctor’s dark eyes met mine again after checking something on his tablet. His expression told me that he still didn’t give me enough credit because I wasn’t fully back in my senses. “That will depend on your condition, and I would certainly not recommend a trip that long, whether is for working purposes or holidays.” 

“But…”

“Miss Parker,” he said then, his voice sterner. He looked straight at me after lowering down the iPad. “Do you understand the severity of your actions?” 

I swallowed, and suddenly I was a five-year-old girl again, being told off by my mother for accidentally breaking a jar in the neighbor’s house. 

“I’m sorry,” Noah interrupted, straightening up, “but she doesn’t need that right now.”

The doctor sent him a sideways look. After a while, he spoke again. “Now that Miss Parker is awake, she should remain in observation for a while, just to make sure her constants are going back to normal. We will keep a check on her for the next few hours. This will help us tailor a treatment plan. I will come back then and provide you with a written report and a list of medication.”

“Is there any way she can do without it?” Noah asked, hopeful. 

The doctor sent him an exasperated look. 

“Given the reason why Miss Parker is here, I assume that both of you know the effects of an overdose and have an idea of its treatment. Sending her home without a treatment plan is not the appropriate medical procedure. However, we’ll monitor her vital signs and provide any necessary medical intervention. Once we have a clearer picture of her condition, we’ll discuss options for ongoing care.”

“I’m here,” I intervened. “Please, don’t talk as if I weren’t.” 

Both Noah and the doctor looked at me. The nurse continued standing still with her hands together at the front. 

“Yes. Miss Parker, I have been getting up to date with the treatment prescribed by Dr. Reynolds and what the blood tests told us is that there was more than what she prescribed you in your blood by the time you were admitted in the ER. We will not get into that, but I imagine you are aware that you will need to consider very thoroughly the idea of getting admitted into a detox center, and even though the idea is to get you off the meds, I am afraid you will still need to use them in order to slowly overcome this problem. Of course, I’m saying this in hopes that you want to get better. On the contrary, I can only give my best advice and recommendation as a doctor. Is it okay if we send a specialist for a psychiatric evaluation? It’s important that you’re honest with us about your medical history, any other medications you’re taking, and any other substances you may have used.”

He waited for me to say something or send a nod of understanding toward him, but I was left with no words, only fear. I didn’t want to go to a detox center. The whole idea sounded like a nightmare; a scene taken from a movie where I couldn’t possibly be the main character. But then, I wanted to get better. I wanted to get out of the hole I’d been in… I wanted to be ok. 

I might have said “yes, because the doctor left with a relieved expression on his face, followed by the nurse, who sent a sympathetic look my way. 

Had I lost control of my entire life? 

When I was aware of my grasp on Noah’s hand again, the intensity of everything intensified. What would he think of me? 

Without daring to look at him, I panickily brought my hands to my face, trying to remove that thing from my nose. It made me feel like a dying patient, and I wasn’t dying. I wasn’t. 

I wasn’t. 

I was breathing and alive, left to grapple with the consequences. But I was alive.  

“No, Lia. Don’t touch it. Leave it there. It’s helping you breathe,” Noah insisted once again, fighting with my hands to move them away from my face. 

His touch was gentle, as if he was afraid of hurting me because he didn’t know what pained and what didn’t. I was a fragile broken thing to him now. Maybe I had always been. 

I can breathe on my own, I wanted to say, instead, after removing the nasal cannula and propping myself to sit properly —the bones on my back cracked—, I asked: “How long have I been unconscious?” 

“Nearly two days.” His voice was low, as if to tell me that those had been the longest two days of his life. There was a sadness in his eyes that I couldn’t swallow. What had I done to him? 

I touched his greasy hair with trembling fingers. His facial hair had slightly grown, meaning that he hadn’t been out of this place for as long as I’d been there. Had he really stayed in that uncomfortable armchair?

“Have you been here all the time?” I asked in a low voice. I was struggling to process it all. The physical pain present, the memories of what I’ve done, the guilt, the consequences, and Noah’s presence there made it hard for me to cope with all at once. 

He nodded. A tear escaped from one of his eyes, but he was quick to wipe it off. It wasn’t often that Noah allowed himself to be so vulnerable, especially in front of anyone, not even me. I had fucked it up really good. I had broken him.

“Lia,”

“Hmm?” My eyes were threatening to close. Whatever the nurse had done in those liquids and tubes connected to my arm was making me feel drowsy and I didn’t want to close my eyes again. I didn’t want to lose sight of Noah. 

“Do you remember what happened?” He asked. 

His question triggered my senses to come back to me and an overflow of memories.

He wasn’t asking the same the doctor asked when he inquired about the pills I’d taken. He wanted to know if I remembered what happened before that. 

I did. How could I forget the taste of him? The softness of his lips pressing against mine, and the roughness that awoke after a few seconds and how he devoured me. 

“I remember…” I said, and unaware, as if I wanted to prove him that I wasn’t lying, my eyes dropped to his mouth. Then, a shiver ran through me, and I couldn’t bear not seeing the warmth that his eyes gave me. I looked up at him. “Noah… Forgive me? Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean to kill myself; I swear. I didn’t want to…”

I was losing myself again. My eyes watered, and soon enough there were tears running down my face as I struggled to keep my body under control.

“Hey, you don’t have to say anything, okay?” He intervened, grabbing my shoulders, and rubbing his hands on them to soothe me. “What matters now is that you get well.”

I wiped the tears with the back of my hand. 

“My mom told me that the moment I touched rock bottom no one would be waiting for me on the other side, no one would be willing to give me their hand, but you’re here…”

I was stuck between dreams and a difficult reality. Was he there for real? Did he wait for me? 

“Yes, I am.”

For how long? 

I had never fucked it up so bad. I had been terrified of many things in life, but losing Noah was the one that scared me the most. 

“Have I lost you?”

A little smile appeared on his face; a hint of empathy mixed with love. 

“No, Lia,” he said, touching my chin with two fingers. “I’m not going anywhere, and you have definitely not lost me. I’m not leaving your side for as long as you’re alive, whether you like it or not. I’m going to be here and I’m going to help you all the way through.”

Another tear slid down my cheek and I wiped it with the back of my hand. I sniffed, overwhelmed by the reality that Noah was here; that he had been here all this time. 

“Where are the boys? Are they all… okay?”

“They’re not far, but don’t worry about them now. Here, drink some water.”

The plastic cup met my lips, and the cool water provided a soothing relief.

After a trip to the bathroom that felt extremely long (the nurse had to come in to remove the catheter I’d had in my body) and Noah holding me steady as I struggled to make it to the bathroom in my jelly legs, I was laid back on the bed again, the weight of my own body feeling like it was somebody else’s. 

“I feel tired,” I mumbled despite how obvious the statement was and how foolish my words must have sounded. I couldn’t tell if I spoke for Noah to hear and get his attention —which hadn’t failed not even for a minute since I opened my eyes— or if I merely said it to anchor myself in the sound of my own voice and reassure myself that I was still alive and that I would get through this. 

Noah responded quickly. He was a constant presence, never letting his focus wander away from me. 

“I know. You should try to sleep for a little while. It will help."

I rejected the idea, shaking my head and gripping the fragile sheets as they mirrored my own vulnerability. 

“I don’t want to sleep,” I confessed.

I’m scared. 

“I’m going to be here when you wake up,” he reassured, a gentle tilt to his lips aimed at offering some solace to the poor creature I was. 

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he affirmed.

My gaze dropped, fingers fidgeting with the thin fabric covering me. They had removed all my bracelets and rings, replacing them by all those cables and tubes that made me feel like some specimen for experimentation. I wished someone had some lip balm that could soothe the dryness of my lips.

“Please,” I began softly, “don’t break this one.”

Our eyes locked.

“I won’t,” he pledged, his voice a soft and reassuring melody, “but you need to know that I don’t regret breaking the one we made when we were kids.” 

A smile played on my lips. 

“I know…” I replied, grateful for the comforting words echoing in my mind. 

I fell into a slumber. 

The next time I woke up, I felt better. Not good, but better than before. 

The persistent throbbing in my head had dulled to a manageable ache, and the leaden weight in my limbs seemed a bit lighter. The sterile smell of the hospital room invaded my senses, and the harsh, fluorescent lights overhead made me squint.

Noah didn’t break the promise. He was sitting by the chair, looking at me with a little smile of hope in his features. I wish I had been conscious enough to tell him to try and sleep, too, because he definitely needed it. His presence was both comforting and concerning. 

I reached for the plastic cup of water on the bedside table and took a few sips, trying to moisten my dry throat. Noah informed me that the nurse would bring some food soon. Despite the reputation of hospital food, I nodded appreciatively, mustering a weak smile. "I'm ready to eat anything," I said, and he let out a genuine laugh that, surprisingly, made me smile too.

As I propped myself up against the pillows, a wince contorted my face as pain surged through my limbs. Noah instinctively reached out to assist, his hand finding my back. I dismissed him by assuring that I was fine. I only wanted to shift a little so that I could face him while I laid down. My body resented being in the same position for hours on end.  

"I think I had a dream," I said, sinking the side of my face into the pillow. I wasn't sure if I was ready to share the details of that dream, but I knew I wanted to tell him, whatever his reply would be. The room fell into a brief silence, punctuated only by the distant hum of hospital machinery.

“Oh yeah?” he replied, seeing my coquettish and sleepy expression. “Wanna tell me about it?” He moved the armchair closer to the bed, resting his folded arms on the mattress, next to my chest. He bent his head a little, so that we could be at the same level and as if I was about to confide him a secret. 

“Yeah,” I whispered. “I don’t remember it very clearly, but you were there, so was I, and we had a dog.”

“That sounds just… perfect to me. What kind of dog was it?”

“I’m not sure but it was big, incredibly sweet and gentle,” the images kept playing in my head, rushing back after the transition from the dreamworld to reality. “We were playing with him in our garden.”

Noah’s brown eyes widened. What I would give to make those dark circles underneath disappear…

“Our garden?”

“Aha,” I nodded, wetting my lips. It didn’t matter that we were in no garden now. Noah’s presence sufficed, and the joy lighting up his face as I narrated the dream to him was all I needed. “I think it was our house, in the mountains. It was chilly. I was wearing one of your hoodies and you were making sure I was okay. You were... you were touching my hair. It felt nice.”

There was a beat of silence, our eyes locked onto each other. Then, he lifted his arm from the bed, his fingers finding their way through my hair, tucking a loose, greasy strand behind my ear. The tender touch tempted me to close my eyes. 

“Like this?” He asked, his voice a mere whisper in the white room. 

I sighed, on the verge of losing myself in the dream once more.

“Yeah, something like that,” I replied. 

“I’ve always wanted to live in the mountains,” he mused, his fingers tracing patterns through my hair. His gaze, however, wasn’t on me but on his own fingers, as if this was something that he had always wanted to do but couldn’t.

“I know. And you also wanted to have a dog, and a family.” The reminiscence of our childhood conversations lingered in my mind, as vivid as if it were yesterday when we sat on the dock by the lake in our hometown and we shared our dreams, what we wanted to be when we grew up, where we would live. 

“Yeah, a family just like that in the dream,” he acknowledged. His eyes returned to mine. A broader, tired smile adorned his handsome features. His fingers slid to my cheek. “A dog, me, and you. I’ve always wanted to have you.” 

My heart stopped beating for a second, a lump in my throat adding to the difficulty of swallowing without feeling the dryness in the area. My smile faded into a thin line. I remembered, suddenly, that song that Noah wrote for Bad Omens years ago and that he gifted to me as a birthday gift. 

If I’m There. 

He was here now. He had always been… 

That boy that found me on the side of the road and that taught me to ride a bicycle, the one that taught me how to play guitar and had been gifting me flowers since before we knew how to do fractions at school. This man sitting next to my hospital bed was the same kid that had given me my first kiss, the same teenager that had struggled through his most complicated years without a caring mother and a father, just like me. The one that had grabbed my hand and had never let go, not even after I put him through Hell. 

 I couldn’t bear the thought of being so scared that I would let go of him again. I understood now, that sometimes fear of losing is exactly the catalyst that makes us lose. I didn’t want to lose Noah. Not ever. I couldn’t stand the idea of hurting him one more time, of denying him of what he had always wanted. What I had wanted and hadn’t been brave enough to realize.

He leaned into me, reading the plea in my eyes. My lips parted. My heart went from still to thumping fast and hard in my chest, anticipating the tender brush of the tip of his nose against mine, the warmth of his breath over my lips, his mouth pressing against mine… Only for a knock on the door to disrupt the moment. 

We pulled away, our eyes redirected to the opening door where a tall, dark-skinned woman in her fifties wearing a white friendly smile was making her way in. 

“Hi there,” she greeted. Her short hair highlighted the lines on her sharp shiny face. “Miss Parker?”

“Yeah,” I replied, still breathless. I glanced briefly at Noah, now sitting back on the armchair, the distance that lay now between us feeling like an ocean that I didn’t appreciate. He was swallowing hard when we made eye contact, maybe because of the shame at being caught in such a delicate moment. “That’s me,” I confirmed to the doctor.  

“Hi, I’m Dr. Dewayne. I’m the psychiatrist,” she introduced herself, offering a slight wave as she approached the bed. She acknowledged Noah with a nod and continued, “I suppose Dr. Dayal told you I’d be stopping by.”

“Yes.”

“Well, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” I avoided the usual responses of exhaustion or dizziness, despite the latter being true. I was feeling dizzy, only that it was for an entirely different reason related to my recent accidental overdose. 

“I suppose you must be eager to go home, so I won’t prolong this. My purpose is to make this process easy and smooth for you. I’m an addiction specialist, so if you allow me, I’ll ask a few questions to come up with the best treatment plan. What do you say, Miss Parker?”

“Lia is fine,” I corrected. I didn’t like being called by my last name. “It’s okay,” I nodded, giving her green light to delve into whatever she needed. If it meant a quicker exit and a faster return home, I was willing. 

Dr. Dewayne opened a notebook and pulled out a pen that had been perched on the breast pocket of her white robe.  

“Good. Let’s start with some background information.”

She asked about my childhood, about my environment at home while growing up. I was well aware that the roots of my problems sprouted from that crumbling house in that stupid town and my neglectful mother. I had known that even before I learned how to tie my shoelaces. 

Nonetheless, I told Dr. Dewayne everything, despite my apprehension and all. Somehow, it felt nice, kind of liberating, to share all that information without being judged, knowing that she was there with the purpose to help out. It was reassuring the fact that Noah was sitting right next to me, his hand ready to grab mine in case I needed it. 

She started from the bottom, tactfully moving into sensitive topics, also ensuring that I was comfortable with Noah in the room. 

I had to tell her about Mitch, about that painful chapter, about his lies, his abuse, and how damaged I’d been after Noah found out what had been happening and dragged me back to the safety of his house. I didn’t tell her that Noah and I had sex while we were drunk, while I was fucked up both physically and emotionally. For some reason, I didn’t want her to know that. I didn’t want her to blame him. However, the conclusion she reached after hearing my story, left me slightly shocked and breathless. 

“Seems like the only constant in your life has been Noah.” She looked at him, smiling as if expressing gratitude to him for shedding light into my dark life. 

It seemed that, irrespective of whether we had slept together or not, every other pair of eyes saw what we had been oblivious to for months. For years. 

Noah remained quiet, awaiting my words. 

“Yes, he is,” I whispered. It was a realization that I didn’t want to scream out loud, scared that someone would ruin that. 

“Good. That’s good.” Maybe she saw it on his face, that he would be there no matter what, that he felt guilty for what happened, that he had tried to stop me, that he didn’t want any harm come my way… “It’s very important that you have a support system at home, otherwise I would have to recommend staying at a detox center for the duration of the withdrawal process, but given your condition and background, I consider that an outpatient detox program would be adequate for you, as well as keeping up with your therapist, and I understand than Noah will stay with you?”

She looked between us. I met Noah’s gaze, and a silent question lingered on his face. I held the answer.   

 “With the right help, it can go faster than you would expect. It won’t be an easy journey, but it will be rewarding, I can assure you that, Lia, always as long as you want it.”

I do. I wanted it. I wanted myself back, the one I had never had the chance to be, and above everything, I wanted Noah, but I wanted him to have the best version of me. 

“Yes, Noah will stay with me.”

His hand enveloped mine, and I could breathe again.  

— chapter one

[stackslip]

augh yeah as much as i do love the parts of COS that are very obviously trying to do something competent and genuine, the amestris parts are just so ????

ill be honest, im pretty sure i blocked those scenes out, so remembering that what happened on the amestris side is. yikes

definitely wish the movie was more focused and didnt try to add as much as it did. especially roy -- i dont mind the beginning, hell i think him exiling himself to the north is a good concept, but the fact that he takes back his position (iirc) is just. so are we throwing away the character development and him realizing that he CANT change the military from the inside or what.

in general i honestly wanted to see less of the military cast. they frankly dont have much reason to be there other than the fact people wanted to see them (esp armstrong... just. WHY). im sure there are still ways to work in roy if the creators really wanted him to be there but like. idk! they sure didnt have to do it like that! we couldve spent more time on exploring noah as a character. or let izumi die on screen. sigh

been a while since i rewatched COS but thanks for pointing out all the weird stuff, i'd almost forgotten it and i honestly shouldn't.

(and of course i have to say i love your posts on the series proper. i will never be normal about scar. ever)

the second i saw roy in there i was like why is roy still in the military at all. wasn't his whole arc about realizing that he can't do shit within the military because it is an institution built on atrocities and exploitation? why is he still in it then. why is he talking about serving his country. why's he talking about waiting for ED that makes no fucking SENSE. (why is he alive. someone said they thought roy was supposed to die by the end of 03 but they kept him alive bc he's a fan fave and i wholly believe this frankly). why is the country's military still seemingly intact with a whole surveillance network, when 03 ended on the military being severely crippled and amestris's neighbours getting ready to invade it and bring it to its knees? why are we literally seeing *the fucking weimar republic* in cos only for amestris to not parallel it in any way and instead be the brotherhood-type funland where once you've taken out the mean führer, everything is fine and there's nothing to fix?

and like. this is a short movie right! i know that they were denied a season, maybe even a season and a half to finish off the show and that some elements of cos were meant to be in the og show's ending. and it shows! bc again munich is fucking reasonably competent considering how much is crammed in on hour thirty. and i know that cos's production was also rushed as hell and that as an Anime Movie they were contractually obligated to 1) put as many recurring fan faves in as possible 2) have at least a third of the movie be a big action scene. so like. i can understand the limits. you have no time, you're told you have to put all this shit in, you want to finish off the brothers' story at the very least. but my gd! you're telling me you had an izumi death scene and it doesn't happen??? you could cut roy out ENTIRELY from this. you could not put ARMSTRONG IN LIORE. you could..... i know they had no time at all, i know once again it was 03 being shafted by production committees and time and budget but it's legit insane how the very stupid and seemingly innocuous choice of having armstrong "rebuild" liore comedically completely slapped me out of whatever headspace cos had managed to slip me in before. i was enjoying it a lot until we got to amestris. and this armstrong thing, followed by rose's line here:

it's just. it's almost comedic. i'm almost wondering if the writer is fucking with me here and acknowledging just how stupid it is to put armstrong doing alchemy in liore is. probably not but gd this is bad. this is brotherhood levels of obliviousness to the themes.

anyhow i'm not finishing cos tonight bc i'm too pissed about it lol. it's funny bc for years i was told it was bad but for the opposite reasons that it's actually bad. like folks kept saying the munich parts were bad/stupid/wrong and made no sense when to me they're by far the most thematically coherent and interesting/emotional bits of it. i LOVE the relationship between noah and ed. and like, i know the bar is is in hell when it comes to depicting roma on screen, but i can't help but appreciate the little and big ways both noah and her people get humanized, how they feel like the most real and concrete part of this world ed insists is a dream or hell. but really, genuinely noah is so good, alfons's weird crush on ed is hysterical, the general atmosphere and research around 1923 munich seems genuinely thoughtful (and it also tells me that the writers had been thinking about this long, long before even 03 ended). i genuinely believe that making munich! hugues a nazi sympathizer and a racist is a really inspired and brave choice that makes the audience reflects THEIR hugues and how the amestrian military behaved. so anyhow these parts are good, genuinely. it's sad that that's the first third and then you get thrown into this mess, and there's still a whole stupid nazi battle to come. it's stupid. it's stupid especially bc there's a genuine part of the movie that IS smart and thoughtful. it'd be so much easier if all of it were bad, or if the difference between the writing in each part weren't so obvious. anyhow. i wanna finish cos bc i wanna see wrath's arc end and envy eating hoheinheim and ed/al reunion and more of noah. but also i think i'm gonna be writing off large chunks of it lol.

(also thank you very much, i'm trying to preach 03 to whoever i can whenever i can. appreciate the love)

[aurorafables]

From the Grey, Chapter 1.

Let's get is started. :) I'm very excited, and I hope you will like it bc I loved to write it.

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic

Word Count: 4.2k

Cross-posted: AO3

Author's note: This was originally written in Hungarian, and I'm still looking for a proofreader, so please forgive me the mistakes, strange expressions. Hope it's still enjoyable. Let me know, what do you think. :) Also let me know if you want to be tagged in the upcoming parts :)

Summary: In Noah's life, his best friend was the light, the way out of the abuse he suffered at home. After a childhood full of trauma, in which he was stripped of his wings so many times, he moves in with Nick, whose goal is to let him fly. The band, Bad Omens, led by Noah, begins to soar, which brings at least as many problems as joy. As teenagers grow into men, Noah and Nick drift closer and closer to each other, and the boundaries of friendship and love completely merge.

Chapter 1.

It would be difficult to say exactly when it started. It was as if the dynamic between the two of us had completely changed without being noticed. I could compare it to when I'm doing a tattoo and I want to create a nice color gradient to make the design look as realistic as possible. The point is that you can't tell where one color ends and the other color begins. Even between us, the transition from wanting to hug him in a friendly way to kissing him passionately was imperceptible.

Maybe I woke up like that one day, but it's also possible that the desire had been brewing in me for weeks, months, years, I just blocked it deep down. And what if I felt that little spark the first time we met, but I was still almost a child and couldn't identify it? I have to start this story somewhere. And like most fairy tales, it didn't start well. The mood of the whole band was cast by melancholy over the loss of a friend. But like all dead artists, Keaton remained immortal. His voice will live forever on the records, despite the fact that he was not with us anymore. The music of Too Close To Touch mingled with the cohesive low murmur of the crowd outside in the club's concert hall, where Keaton's vocals echoed painfully through the walls. "Death is not a game with the ones I hold close She was mine, mine, you can't deny Three years is too quick to die"* All his anger, all his pain were in the song he wrote about his little sister, who died lying on a hospital bed. In the text, he blamed God for choosing little Eiley over him. The poor boy had no idea at the time that they were both chosen… Personally, I would have liked to break something if I remembered that he was gone now, and I could only reassure myself that maybe they were already up there together. If it even exists up there. Because what if up there is actually only two meters underground?

The song didn't come at the best moment, because we had to go on stage right after, and I might be able to hide my mood in front of the audience… I glanced at Noah and my heart sank when I saw him banging his head against the wall, clutching the microphone in his hand, next to the stage, which we will soon have to walk up to. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, which I completely forgot to do in parallel. I was so worried about him. I knew he'd hate himself for that if his voice cracked while singing the opening lines of The Death Of Peace Of Mind. His maximalism was what he could torture himself with the most. Also, he had to be up there alone at the beginning of the song, we didn't join until later. I walked to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder, but I still managed to scare him a little because he pulled away before he opened his eyes. When he saw me, he almost snuggled back into my hand. It reminded me of my very first cat, the little black ball of fur I found on the street when I was barely ten. I named him Dusk because of his color and when he came to us I did everything I could to fatten him up. We slept together in my bed at night, because his soft purr always lulled me to sleep quickly. It was amazing how much Dusk and Noah were alike. Even in the semi-darkness next to the stage, my best friend's dark brown eyes glistened with unshed tears, which he tried to quickly blink away. His shoulders slumped forward in the thin linen jacket, and I'd bet his fingers were white under the faux-leather glove he wore on his left hand, clutching the microphone like a lifeline. He and Keaton were very close. In the last two years, they spent a lot of time together, especially during and after the Covid epidemic, when it was possible to travel. Even when they were far away, they kept in touch on a daily basis. Keaton was good with all of us, but he had a stronger bond with Noah. He wanted to remember him by playing their songs during the break after our opening band, but Eiley's song has never come at such a bad time.

“We can extend the time for five more minutes,” I told him, and meanwhile I looked back at Jolly, who was still fiddling with his headphones with the help of a sound technician, and Folio was deep in his own thoughts drumming on the wall, sometimes doing shoulder circles as a warm-up. "Everything's fine," Noah replied in a weak voice, to which I nodded hesitantly, lowered my hand, and took a step back. "I'm worthless to the world You're innocent and pure God, why didn't you choose me over her?”* They signaled to Noah, who gave a thumbs up as if everything was fine. Nonsense. I knew nothing was okay. Keaton's voice faded outside and soon the intro to our song began. I looked down at my guitar and after stretching my fingers I strummed a few chords just to pass the time. When Noah walked out and the crowd cheered, he wasn't as lost as he had been two minutes ago. He immediately filled the stage and sang like a fucking siren without faltering. I shook my head, feeling a little angry at myself for constantly underestimating him. It was about time to get used to that Noah wasn't ruined by all the crap that happened around him. On the contrary, it only strengthened him even more.

Two months later, I was sitting on the steps of the tour bus in Phoenix, beer in one hand and a half-smoked cigarette in the other, when I heard Noah's footsteps behind me. After a concert he liked to clear his head, so I thought he was going for his usual walk and I thought that I could join. I stood up to let him go, and when he stepped next to me, I was hit by the smell of his perfume. He had just stuffed his wallet into the back pocket of his pants, so I began to suspect that he had other plans for that evening. “Karin is in the city,” he said to me, but he didn't look at me, just watched the night lights. The blue neon lights of the bar glistened on the brunette's hair, and the tattoos running down his arms coiled around his skin like snakes. I thought I still had time. I thought I could figure something out before they met again in Salt Lake City. I blew out the last of the smoke, extinguished the butt, then slipped out of my denim jacket and held it out to him. “We will leave in the morning, be here by then.” Noah hesitantly took my jacket and looked at me. “That's it?” he asked in disbelief. I don't know what he expected. Maybe to remind him again that woman is crazy like hell? "I'm tired," I confessed to him. ”I can't save you from someone whose arms you keep running into. But I can do something to save you from catching a cold,” I gestured towards the jacket. He still didn't move, even though the situation was becoming more and more pressing for me, and the spring night wasn't nearly warm enough to keep me from getting goosebumps. I wrapped my arms around myself and hobbled in place. I kicked small stones with my boots on the asphalt of the parking lot and waited. I didn't care if I froze there, I wouldn't leave Noah alone as long as he needed me. The boys' laughter could be heard from inside the bus, a car honked on the street not far from us. I raised my head and immediately met a pair of dark eyes. Stared. I don't know how long or why. I swear he didn't even blink. Then he reached out and touched my arm under the sleeve of my shirt. “You are cold.” I blinked a few times, then started to move. I took the jacket from his hands and draped it over his shoulders. “But you don't have to be cold,” I answered him with an encouraging smile. “Everything will be okay. I will be okay,” he said quietly and gloomily. I don't know which of us he wanted to convince with this, but it didn't work. The smile immediately melted off my face. “Noah…” It's been a long time since my voice sounded so desperate when I said his name. I think all my fear must have been on my face because Noah took a step back and shook his head. I was ready to try again to get him to stay. We could have done so many things. From walking to sitting down to play video games with the boys. Or we could have gone to a nightclub to drink and to flirt with girls. Whatever, just don't let that cunt touch him again… He brushed his hair back and shrugged as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “I have to go, Nick. We will talk in the morning.” And that was it. There was nothing I could do to keep him there.

I got home from the tattoo salon late that night and was so tired that all I could think about was my bed. But as soon as I stepped through the door, the strong smell of weed hit me. It went through the small apartment so intensely that I almost got sick of it. "Shit," I muttered to myself as I kicked off my shoes, dropped my bag on the floor, and headed for the bedroom with the goal of scolding Noah. The door was not locked on the little hole we called the bedroom, which was completely filled with my bed and the mattress that Noah had been sleeping on for months. When I entered, he was sitting on the bed, knees pulled up to his chin, and he was holding a weed cigarette between his long, thin fingers. As if he had completely forgotten about it, the ash fell onto my blanket and I was amazed that it hadn't caught fire yet. Noah didn't even notice I got home because he was listening to music on his earphones, and I was sure he was just physically in the room by the way he looked. I leaned towards him, took the cigarette from his fingers and crushed it in the ashtray. With that, I finally drew attention to myself, because after he looked up at me tensely, with red eyes. The Asian features of his face came to life, which normally I would have stared in fascination, but this was not a normal case. I forgot I wanted to yell at him for wasting the weed and almost setting our apartment on fire. Because by then we both owned that little flat. In the corner, next to my guitar, there was also his. Noah's things appeared in the bathroom, his shampoo, his toothbrush, he got half of my wardrobe and sometimes half of my bed… His clothes were just as messily scattered as mine, and he already had his favorite mug, from which he preferred to sip his coffee in the morning. I wanted to think that his eyes were red from smoking weed, but when he spoke, I had no doubt that he must have been crying for hours.

"I thought you'd come home earlier today," he said in a nasal tone after stopping the music and taking out his earphones. In the meantime, I opened the window without holding him responsible for why he did not do so. “I thought so too,” I answered him, then I fell down on the bed next to him. ”Another guest came at seven, and thought I would do miracles in two hours with an old, messed-up tattoo.” Noah nodded, then slowly stretched out his infinite legs. He was only sixteen then, but already a little taller than me. We sat speechless for a while and looked at each other. I was even more overcome by fatigue, and for a moment my eyes were probably closed too long while blinking, because I was jolted when Noah moved next to me. He took a deep breath, then let it out shakily. Our tattooed arms touched and I could feel the tremors running through his bones as he reached for his phone. Oh my god, he was so skinny. If I touched his arms, I was afraid I would crush him as if his limbs were made of thin glass fibers. “I got a message,” he whispered into the dimness, then put the phone on my thigh. I picked it up with a scared heart and started reading. I had a guess of what it might be, and honestly… I just didn't understand why it didn't come sooner. At first, Noah's mother tried to lure her son back to her side with sweet, but poisoned words, which in the end turned into mere threats. Every fucking word she wrote made me feel nauseous. “After half a year, she remembered that she had an underage son. Maybe she expects some kind of reward for it?” I asked, but mostly I meant it as a poetic question.

Noah tensed up next to me and started breathing faster. “I… I can't go back there. If… if you say I have to go back to her, I… rather… I…” "Hey Noah, I would never say that," I turned to him and tried to speak in the most soothing voice possible. But I was too late… By that time, tears were already falling, and he was clutching the crumpled bottom of his two-size-larger shirt. I was totally in shock because I had never seen anything like this before. What kind of friend is who doesn't recognize that the problem is so big? Noah was an old soul with a lot of shit and loss behind him, who blended in perfectly with the adults, so I tended to forget that he was still just a kid. But now there was a child next to me who was terrified. Whom fear brought out the worst. "I shouldn't be here," he said between sobs, to which I shook my head so fast that my hair hit my cheek. I knelt on the bed, turned to face him and tried to remove his fingers from his clothes. I just wanted to hold his hand… I just wanted him to know I was with him. “Noah…No! Don't tell me this!” I protested loudly, but he didn't listen to me. It's like he didn't even hear what I said. Instead, he drove himself deeper and deeper into madness. “I should have died a long time ago…years ago.” If he had only stabbed a dagger into my stomach with his words, this was the moment he twisted it. My chest felt tight and I couldn't breathe. Noah snapped his head back hard and his skull hit the wall loudly. After that, I couldn't focus on my own panic anymore, without thinking I put my hand on his head to protect him from himself. I didn't care that I might not be able to tattoo. My fingers ached as they met the hard wall, but I didn't really notice the pain. All I cared about was Noah and how I could keep him safe. I've been trying to figure out how to fix this. His cries and animalistic whining still ring in my ears, mixed with the sound of my heart's frantic beating. I wrapped my arms around his head and pulled him close as he just cried and cried, his tears completely soaking my shirt. He was hugging my thighs as I knelt next to him, finally not wanting to hurt himself anymore.

That night, I only left his side when I brought him water from the kitchen. Then we both got into bed and Noah turned to face me, but half of his red face from crying was hidden in the pillow and the other half was covered by his hair. I quickly got rid of my tight jeans, threw them on the side of the bed and took his phone in my hand. He was watching what I was doing, but he didn't speak. First, without any guilt, I deleted his mother's message, then opened his music. It didn't surprise me that he was listening to Castle Of Glass by Linkin Park when I got home. I flipped through the playlist and started our favorite song As Cities Burn after giving him one of the earbuds. "Won't you come down, heaven. Won't you come down? Won't you cut through the clouds? Won't you come down?”** At the first chorus, he already closed his eyes, and only then did I allow myself to relax a little. I carefully reached towards him, smoothed the strands falling from his face behind his ears, and then I closed my eyes too. I begged myself to fall into a dreamless sleep. In the morning, when we woke up, Noah helped me untangle the earbuds’ cord from my hair. We parted laughing, shoving a piece of toast into our mouths. He went to a band rehearsal, and I went to a place that has become my second home, the tattoo salon. My fingers got away with it quite well, with a small bruise on one of the joints, which only started to hurt a little towards the end of the day. We didn't discuss anything else about that night. Maybe I regret it since then, but what can I say? I was just a scared kid too, too stupid to help his friend more. Noah's mother died less than two months later. I didn't feel for a minute that she was a loss to the world.

He has become a grown man since and he doesn't need me to protect him from the world. I watched motionless as he walked down the street to get into a taxi. His tall, thin figure disappeared around the corner and I could finally get my legs moving. I got on the bus, grabbed a new bottle of beer from the fridge and joined the others. Folio showed Matt some funny videos and Jolly typed a message on his phone. I sat next to him on the couch and started reading the news. "He won't be able to do this for long," said Jolly next to me in a strong Swedish accent. When it was late and he was tired, he didn't pay so much attention to speaking English with perfect pronunciation. But there's nothing wrong with that, we've been working together for so long, and we've been friends for so long that we understand each other with half a word. “What do you mean?” I turned to him. I slipped out of my boots, slid off the couch, and put my feet up on the small table. I rested my head on the backrest and wiped the steam from the side of the glass with my thumb. “For Noah's secret night meetings. Matt had told him before when saw that he wanted to go out on the town all by himself.” “It doesn't happen that often. And it's not a secret where he's going, he told me he was meeting Karin,” I took him to my defense immediately. “Anyway, why can't he go? The fans had left for an hour, no one was out there. And it's not that he hit the town on foot. He called a taxi.” “That girl is strange,” Jolly grimaced. You do not say.. “When she came to our place, Noah wasn't quite himself.” Recently, I felt guilty for not trying to stop him more firmly, but I reminded myself: Noah pointed out rather angrily during an argument about this that I can't protect him from everything. "If a little fuck puts him in a better mood, we're all fine with that," Folio interjected when Matt left us alone. Maybe I gave him a nasty look from behind my beer bottle, because he held his hands up defensively. I took another sip, then realized I didn't even want the beer. I put the bottle on the table, brushed my teeth in our small bathroom, and went to sleep. At least I wanted to sleep, but I must have been tossing and turning for another hour.

It felt like I had barely closed my eyes when something started to tingle my nose. I brushed it off at first, but then Noah's soft chuckle crept into my consciousness. I groaned then pulled the pillow over my head planning to go back to sleep. I kicked the blanket off because I was hot, and it turned out, it was a big mistake. Ice cold fingers touched my side, the muscles in my stomach jumped and I let out a muffled moan. “Fuck me!” I grumbled hoarsely as I caught Noah's hand, who was just putting the other one in front of my mouth. "Shh, the others are still sleeping," he whispered excitedly with sparkling eyes. “I want to sleep too,” I answered after pulling his hand away from my mouth. “Come on, Nick. I'm hungry. I want breakfast.” “Why can’t you eat?” “Missing your company.” I sighed. “Go to the kitchen. Give me five minutes and I'll be there.” "If I leave you here, you'll go back to sleep," he said accusingly, as if he had every right not to let me go back to sleep. “And I would go a little further for breakfast than the bus kitchen. But I promise, it's worth it. You will love the place.” Another sigh, but I sat up with half-closed eyes, then pulled on a pair of pants and a thick hoodie. My jacket was still on him and he didn't seem like he wanted to give it back.

After five minutes, Noah got off the bus energetically, and I, wrapped in my hoodie, got off the bus grumpily. It was just dawn, around half past six. Noah finally slowed his steps and stopped in front of me, facing me. My hair would have been a complete disaster, not to mention the pillow creases on my face, or my eyes, which I could barely keep open. "You're sweet when you are sleepy," he said finally. He looked at me with a smile, then pulled the hood over my head and did the same with his own. ”I don't want to be recognized.” “Come on! Who would be awake this early?” I asked sarcastically, yawning into my palm. We walked down the street and luckily he was right, we really didn't have to walk far before we got to the breakfast place. Too tired to read the sign, I just entered the small but friendly coffee shop and sighed as I was greeted by a pleasant warmth inside. I said hello to the gray lady behind the counter. When I saw the first cat, licking its paws on a chair, I turned to Noah questioningly, who just shrugged. "I thought you missed your little monsters," he said. A big smile spread across my face. A cat café. I was already less sleepy when I crouched next to the kitten and let him sniff my hand. Then I noticed even more hairballs and I didn't even know which one to go to. Meanwhile, Noah ordered us coffee and breakfast at the counter. I heard the old lady laughingly answer him when asked why they were open so early: “If the kittens wake up, why can't I open the cafe?”

I smiled as I scratched the head of a calico sitting next to the wall, and we blinked at each other for a long time. After ordering, Noah came over and sat next to me. "The chick likes you," he remarked when the kitten was placed on my lap. “What kind of chick? She is a lady here,” I caressed the hairy ears. Laughing softly, Noah leaned forward and, using the kitten etiquette he'd learned from me, introduced himself to our newest friend before petting her. Now that the hood was off his head, I noticed the bite marks on his neck. The dark red spot was located right on the border between his tattoo and his bare skin so that it was just noticeable. I swallowed, tore my gaze from his neck, and reassured myself that Noah didn't seem as lost now as he did after most of his meetings with Karin. Maybe she has changed. Maybe she finally realized what she had to lose? Noah's fingers accidentally touched mine in the kitten's soft fur, and we smiled at each other as the furball began to purr loudly. I haven't seen Noah this happy since before Keaton's death. Maybe Karin isn't so bad after all? We ate breakfast sitting on the floor with a cat each in our laps and had to run back to the bus before departure.

*Too Close To Touch - Eiley **As Cities Burn - Contact

[hp-fanfic-archive]

Remus/Sirius Romance Masterlist | Works With Less Than 5k Words

find the full masterlist directory here

last updated: 09/10/24 | links last checked: 09/10/24

*A Proposal by Bob_The_Other_Zombie [G, 2k]

Sirius has a love problem and asks James for advice. What happens when you add in pregnant Lily, pantsless Peter, candles, one pot of nearly-boiled water, snogging, Remus’ favorite record, multiple unknown kitchen devices, and a very bad pun? One very confused werewolf, is what!

A Sirius Case of Jealousy by WolfstarPups90 [T, 1k]

Remus has a new job and Sirius has a bit of a jealousy issue.

all alone on the edge of seventeen by nikkiRA [T, 3k]

He is seventeen and in love.

All I Want For Christmas by REwrites [T, 2k]

Sirius chews the inside of his cheek as he stares down a row of Christmas cards in the shop around the corner for his office and tries not to feel like the world’s biggest arse. He wishes he hadn’t waited to the last minute to do this, but when he pulled Remus Lupin’s name out of the hat for the office-wide Secret Santa exchange he’d panicked. A short story in which Sirius is awkward, Remus is sneaky, and James is no help at all.

And When You Get the Choice by iamsiriusblackserious [T, 3k]

After weeks of studying for and sitting their NEWT exams, Sirius finally gets some quality time with his boyfriend. That is, if Remus can actually manage to stay awake. Winding down after NEWTs, slow dancing but not really, and symbolic key bequeathing.

between the moon and the stars by llassah [M, 2k]

The summer before their sixth year, and everything changes and stays the same.

*Caught by Phiso [G, 4k]

Sirius Black was the thief no one could catch – at least, not until he met his match in Detective Inspector Remus Lupin.

Chocolate Love by therunawaypen [T, 1k]

After serving a night in detention, Sirius brings back a sweet treat for Remus to enjoy while he's studying. If Sirius enjoys it too, all the better.

*Drunk on Love by muse_in_absentia [T, 4k]

Post second war AU in which Remus cheats at baking, Padfoot plays in the snow, and Christmas jumpers combined with mulled wine may lead to something old becoming something new.

*Ever After by busaikko [T, 3k]

Non-magic AU. Once upon a time, an astrophysicist was wooed by the gay Scheherazade. . . (podfic available)

*Finest in Fairford by bluepeony [G, 4k]

Remus Lupin's job in a Fairford coffee shop is always uneventful, until an exotic new customer begins leaving messages with his tips.

*Fiery-Coloured World by orphan_account [M, 2k]

And though Remus had a thick jumper and coat, they were still soaked and frozen as they ran across the pavement, laughing with their cold fingers clinging to each other like it was Noah’s bloody flood and they were about to be swept away. Then someone—Sirius was never sure who, though he often liked to take credit for it—closed the distance and lips met lips. And that was all it took, really. Besotted. Smitten. Twitterpated—the word Remus liked most of all. Sirius knew it would be minutes, moments, seconds before his heart told him he was in love and there was no going back from the emotional tidal wave that was Remus bloody Lupin.

Friends, Lovers, and Various Permutations Thereof by Tillikins [T, 2k]

Celebrating the end of NEWTs! Sirius asks Remus to room with him after school.

Honey by Evandar [T, 1k]

Sirius’ reality has changed. And while he’s never needed sex to know that he loves Remus, now that they’ve done it, the world seems more concrete.

*Longsdune by imochan [T, 3k]

He supposes that this is what is expected of him, to sit here and listen to wetness sinking into the earth and remember how it felt when it was sunny, and there were four of them, and Sirius Black looked at him like he was a piece of the universe he wanted to understand so badly that he was willing to take Remus apart completely and then put him back together.

*Love Online by NeonDomino [T, 2k]

Sirius is in love and wants nothing more than to finally hold his on-line boyfriend in his arms. James is convinced that Remus is really a fifty-year-old man who is misleading Sirius and refusing to meet because Sirius would find out the truth. The truth is much more simple. Remus is in love, but scared that if Sirius finds out how much time he spends in hospital, Sirius would leave him.

More Than You Could Possibly Know by WolfstarPups90 [T, 1k]

They were twenty years old, and they were in love and they should be together every single night like this instead of out fighting, unsure if the other was still alive or if they would come back.

*Of Tinsel and Nice Starts by nerakrose [G, 2k]

Mysterious clouds and strange coffee abounds. Office romance.

Self-Insert by Wereflamingo [T, 1k]

Remus and Sirius both write self-insert fics in the same fandom. One day Sirius asks to borrow Remus's OC for his new fic. What could he possibly be planning, and what is the mystery pairing he promised to introduce?

Shade of the Morning Sun by MidniteMarauder [T, 3k]

It's Boxing Day, 1977, the morning after the full moon, and Lily accidentally finds out about Remus' 'furry little problem'.

Sirius Possibilities, aka The Logic of Sirius by Tpants [T, 3k]

Sirius buys a "cottage" for Remus and him. Obviously, there is a lot of work to do and Sirius has some high expectations.

Someone To Love by lumosinlove [T, 1k]

Sirius trips, Remus catches him, and maybe they won't have to spend Christmas alone this year.

*The Day by DevBasaa [T, 2k]

Sometimes the worst day can turn out perfect in the end. Written for a "Promise Ring" challenge, set Marauders' Era, summer before 7th year.

*You Were My Spring, My Summer Too by RS_Games [T, 3k]

When Sirius receives news that things have gone very wrong on an assignment, he heads north to bring Remus home.

*denotes personal favorite

[multi-fandom-agereg]

thank you for 300+ followers! (Long post)

thank you for 300+ followers?? Holy crap that's a lot of people!

(smiling friends oc: Noah he/it.) he can't spell. But he tried! 🖍️

Seriously though, thank you guys so much for the support on the blog. 300+ is insane and I never thought I'd get that far.

This blog is almost 2 years old, and I've been active on it for a year creating content for the agere community. In the beginning I didn't have a plan for what I wanted this blog to be. This blog was first created because when I first stumbled onto Tumblr, Tumblr made me create an account to view more content I wanted to see. I remember the first thing I've ever searched on here was Sally face agere content.

I left tumblr alone after this, but something told me to get back onto Tumblr and I did. And now I'm here. I do not really check my followers to see how long they've been following me, but to everyone who followed me from the very beginning, thank you.

Id also like to specially shout out to @dragon-queen21 , @xdeadxxeyes , @beaistiny and @red-panda-agere

To Mayliz/dragon-queen21 : to the most amazing person I've ever met, thank you for sticking around for as long as you did. You've always engaged with my content and I can't think of a post you haven't liked. You like my posts all the time, and when I was at my lowest at times you were there to comfort me (even if I didn't know what to say, but i still read them) I'm happy we've met and became mutuals. To someone who shared interests with me at the time (one piece) to someone who I've came around to call a friend, thank you. I can't express it through actions, but I hope words mean something

To xdeadxxeyes: to my pretty cool mutual, thank you for sticking around as well. I don't exactly remember how we met, but I'm pretty sure we met around the time we were posting total drama island stuff. You are a pretty cool person and you're very nice to me and I'm so happy we've got the chance to meet. :] also another plus, we both like Jjk and resident evil 🙌 so that's awesome !! My DMS are always open if you'd like to ramble about those topics with me (also by that way I'm able to get to your requests faster) since i know you requested some stuff 🏌️

To Beatrix!: we met when we were both posting Scott Pilgrim content! We aren't mutuals but I adore your content and was honored when you requested me awhile back. You seem like a very sweet person and I'd like to thank you for requesting me a few times. Your blog is very comforting and I love looking through it sometimes. Your posts are always a delight to see when you post/reblog/etc:}

to Nebby: I'm not sure when we met exactly, but I do know that we both have an interest in Honkai star rail 🦸 you guys were just amazing to talk to. When we commissioned you guys , y'all were very patient with us. And honestly? We were grateful you were 🤍 your art is so yummy and your commissioned art piece for us is one of our favorite pieces we have. Your art that you made for us is in a personal folder of ours and we can't wait to commission you again in the future. (To everyone who reads this, please go show your support! Their art is so good and they're a delight to talk to imo)

and most importantly, I'd like to thank the rest of my mutuals and my followers. Thank you for staying around to see all the dumb posts I post. I don't know how to thank you for all your constant support on this blog. This blog feels very personal to me, and I can't believe it's almost 2 years old now. Happy (early?) birthday to this blog) 🎉

[spicybylerpolls]

In response to that anon about how sex couldn't possibly have always been heavily tied to and the natural narrative arc the Duffers had in mind for Mike and Will -

Well, for one (and correct me if I'm wrong), if the pandemic hadn't happened, they would've filmed S4 throughout 2020 and likely wrapped post-production sometime in spring/summer of 2021 (possibly later). This means we would've got a late summer or fall of 2021 S4 rather than summer of 2022.

This also means filming for S5 would have likely started in Spring of 2022, or even later if we consider the fact that S4 actually finished in July of 2022 and production PRIOR to the WGA strike was supposed to start in Spring of 2023 (IIRC) That's nearly a year gap. Not only that but if you go onto the wikipedia page for S5, you'll see that because of the pandemic the Duffers were able to completely outline and rework S5. So if the pandemic didn't happen, they would also have to do an outline as well as actually write S5 post S4's drop in the late summer/fall of 2021 (in this magical, theoretical timeline).

Honestly, with this in mind, I wouldn't see filming for S5 commencing until mid 2022, possibly even the early fall.

So basically the theoretical timeline without COVID and the WGA strike would be:

2020: Film S4

End of 2020 - Mid/Late 2021: Post production

Late 2021: S4 Drops

Summer/Early Fall 2022: S5 Filming begins

This would put Noah's age at 17, almost 18 and Finn at 19 almost 20. And presumably the hypothetical sex scene wouldn't happen until the later episodes so by then Noah would be 18 and Finn would be a full 20 years old, and likely almost 21.

Like, say the scene happens in Episode 7. This would be the very tail end of production, as we know they pretty much film in blocks. This would be June of 2023 or around there... Noah nearly 19 and Finn 6ish months away from being able to legally drink anywhere in the world. Lol.

Also, Finn literally has a scene in WYFSTW where his character masturbates, and he was just 18 when he portrayed that. Why are people so disgusted by the idea of him portraying something extremely similar to this but as Mike?! In my opinion this proves it's not just about the actors (and seeing them grow up) because I haven't seen anyone say it was weird for including that scene in that movie ...

BUT REGARDLESS, like spicybylerpolls said - there are a ton of examples, WELL RESPECTED examples at that, of underage actors portraying a storyline involving sex. I mean, look no further than Degrassi. Almost all of the actors are cast as teens (sometimes pre-teens) and almost all of the characters have a storyline to do with sex at some point, most of them when they're underage.

This is a perfect example because the point of these storylines are to educate teens on sex (the same thing Mike and Will's storyline would be doing for many queer kids btw) and also to represent their many, many confusing feelings about sex. And yes, all of the actual sex scenes in Degrassi are implied - which, although people have explained how an explicit scene would be important for Mike and Will's storyline, ultimately it's not absolutely necessary for them. (Although I don't think an implied sex scene in the same vein as Degrassi (or even Jancy) is going to work within the darker tone of S5 but I digress...)

Anyway, there's a ton more examples beyond just Degrassi [Skins is the first that pops to mind] but no I don't think it would be weird for a 17 year old to have a make out and then *implied* sex scene when it's already been done and accepted in the past with absolutely no issue (as long as the actors are comfortable of course).

But this isn't what's happening so who cares. And we have already heard the Duffers state that, although they have had a lot of it planned out, they do write for the actors too. I can even recall them saying how when they got back on set for either S3 or S4 they realized the kids ... weren't kids anymore and they were going to have to write to that.

So yeah, I think it's totally possibly the Duffers imagined that in the end, Mike and Will would overcome their shame about their sexuality by ... having sex together, however that looked on screen, since there are a myriad of ways to do this without showing sex at all.

[tdciago]

Fargo: This Useless Hand!

This post will contain some spoilers for events beyond episode 5.3.

Apparently episode 5.9 of Fargo will be titled The Useless Hand. I puzzled over the meaning of this, but have found a possible source. It's the poem Tiresias by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Part of it goes: "This useless hand! I felt one warm tear fall upon it. Gone! He will achieve his greatness. But for me, I would that I were gather’d to my rest, And mingled with the famous kings of old On whom about their ocean-islets flash The faces of the Gods—the wise man’s word..."

Tiresias was a blind seer from Greek mythology. He played a part in several stories, including that of Oedipus. He also famously lived as both a man and a woman. He was given the gift of prophecy as compensation for his loss of sight, often serving as the source of uncomfortable truths for Greek heroes. Sam Spruell calls Ole Munch a truth-sayer, noting that "Fargo has a history of truth-sayers that sit slightly outside of the story, that become kind of woven into the story..." He also says that Munch is “the kind of truth-sayer who reminds characters who are the spine of the story, what the world really is and how it really works and if they are suffering delusions and what their behavior means.” https://www.tvinsider.com/1112309/fargo-season-5-ole-munch-explained-sam-spruell/ I suspect that Munch is a Tiresias figure in season 5. We have seen the subject of gender non-conformity play out in several ways. Scotty Lyon, for example, is a girl who displays many stereotypically male personality traits. We also know from previews that Munch and Dot will begin to mimic each other's appearance, with Dot donning a long coat like Munch's, and Munch wearing not only a kilt, but also a plaid coat with a fur collar, much like the one that Dot has worn in the first three episodes. There will also be an IRS agent investigating Lorraine, whose name is Chip Boygan, which sounds like Sheboygan, a city in Wisconsin that has an interesting urban legend about its name. The story goes that a Native American chief had many sons, and wanted a daughter. When his wife delivered the newest child, the chief was informed, "She boy again." There will also be a male character with the unusual first name of Vivian this season. And it's definitely worth noting, given all of the Wizard of Oz references, that the character of Princess Ozma was kidnapped as a baby and transformed into a boy named Tip by a witch named Mombi. Eventually, Glinda discovered Ozma's whereabouts and forced Mombi to turn her back into a girl. During Ozma's life as a boy, she created the character of Jack Pumpkinhead, who was the inspiration for Jack Skellington. We know from interviews that Noah Hawley sees Gator Tillman as a Jack Skellington figure. And Jack Pumpkinhead considered Ozma his mother. Put these stories side-by-side and you get a potentially very interesting picture of the relationship between Nadine/Dot and her stepson, Gator. We know that Gator will, at some point, be blindfolded and that Oedipus blinded himself after discovering the truth about himself. Will Ole Munch be Tiresias to Gator's Oedipus? It was also said that Tiresias lived either seven or nine generations, which may explain the fact that Munch is over 500 years old. I highly recommend reading the Wikipedia page about Tiresias and all of the events of his fascinating l̶i̶f̶e̶ lives. It even involves snakes, and Gator has been compared to the snake in the Garden. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiresias Here is Tennyson's full poem: https://www.telelib.com/authors/T/TennysonAlfred/verse/tiresias/tiresias.html

[noahschnappinfs]

Quite frankly I don’t think the hate for Noah will ever fully go away. This is because a lot of the people throwing hate at him were never even fans of the show or him to begin with.

We still see the show having an immense amount of fans despite all the claims to boycott it, and it’s bc those claiming they wouldn’t watch it because of him never did anyways. And even fans saying they’ll just pirate it, probably already did that on a regular basis to make edits/take screenshots for all the content they watch. It’s just their attempt at feeling morally superior while guilting other people, as if that removes any guilt they may have for supporting it still.

I know a lot of people that watch Stranger Things, friends and family alike. And even the ones who are on social media, who are also sympathetic to Palestinian’s plight, seem to think that the hate for Noah is blown out of proportion. Honestly, most of them were indifferent to him before all of this, and if anything they seem to like him more because of what he’s going through.

Since a lot of the hate is coming from non-fans, that hate will never go away unless something happens that magically changes their feelings about it. And as long as it’s still a popular opinion amongst those chronically online, with a lot of people feeling obligated to go with the crowd and do what everyone else does in order to thrive on here, it’s going to continue to be the norm.

It’s unfortunate that posts demoralizing him and wishing him harm do immense numbers, but the reality is most of those people have no knowledge of him outside of this. And as long as all those people feel that way, hate for him will continue to exist and pressure people who don’t even hate him to feel compelled to just because so many people feel that way.

Then again, people are so fucking stupid and fickle in their outrage, that something as simple a bunch of fans ignoring the hate and loving his role in s5 could make a lot of people switch up just because that becomes the louder majority, making those that lie somewhere in the middle on their feelings about him revert to liking him to feel apart of the more popular opinion at the moment.

i agree that certain part of the internet will always hate him but considering how fast the sentiment online changes, i think things will get good enough that the hate towards noah won’t be the norm like it’s being these past few months. just look at how twitter made the likes and now tweets supporting noah have way more likes than before. people like him but are afraid of being called out which is very sad that people feel that threatened but i think we have a good foundation there. as soon as it’s not dangerous (for lack of a better word) to like him publicly, i feel like we’ll get to a very good place. it’s slowly getting better because we’ve also seen how tweets wishing for his death or attacking him used to get over 100K likes but now they don’t get that much traction because people move on and get fixated on other stuff. there’s also the fact that people who had strong negative feelings about him are starting to see that the level of hatred he received was way out of proportions and are being more being more kind towards him. it’s also important to remember that real life is completely different because people in real life literally were lining up to take pictures with him at that niall horan’s concert.

the show is so mainstream that it’ll never actually suffer in terms of viewership and i think noah can get the GA on his side by showcasing his talent this season. one thing that i’ve always said is that noah was extremely lucky that this all happened before S5 was released because he’s got plenty of opportunities to show to that big audience who he actually is and his talent. like i mentioned before, i agree with you that there’s a fringe of the internet that will hold the grunge forever and obviously there wil people that will never like him for many reasons but i see a big room for growth here, it’ll depend a lot on how he manages the months right after st5 comes out and i hope he and his team is already preparing for that.

[martinys-world]

the girl (7)

chapters: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

I made a post before this on. talking about the discord server that i have made. Since no one seen it or cared enough. I going to talk about it here. I was thinking my character was over powered in this chapter. so I made a post and was saying how I posted chapter 7 there and wanted some feedback. I posted on July 15th. a good 5 days before this one. So I left the chapter the way it is.

So if you want to join the discord comment: the robot you like. I will send you the link for the story

______________________________________________________________

I went back to my bag and began to dig. After I found my Nokia 1011 phone, a car door open sound filled the car. 

“Good hold this.”

 I handed him my phone and continued digging. When I felt the plastic case. I yank it out. so, I can grab the leopard glass and a security bandage with the four diamonds likes symbol. The same diamond as my pencil case.   I was beginning to put on the glasses

“Sliver what you are doing.” 

“don’t worry about it.”

“Why you are complaining, she looks good.”

“I will tell you this since it won’t go against Kris promise. when you see the things, I seen. You learn how to make your paths easier. I can't tell you anymore than that.”

I saw a yellow beam when, we were beginning to drive. it must have been that energy surge. Arcee was talking about.  Grabbing my phone from Noah.

“Noah please hold this,” I traded Noah the phone for the badge after I toss my bag in the back.  

“I must make a phone call. Mirage, please take control so I can concentrate.”

I quickly dial a number that I know by heart. The ringers didn’t even go to the second ring when he picked up. 

“YOU BETTER EXPLAIN WHATS GOING ON!!!”

I pulled the phone away from my ear when he began to screaming.  mirage was laughing for some reason and begin to say drama and sing song like voice. 

“k plea- “

“NO EXCUSES. WE ARE RECIVCEING A MASSIVE ENERGY NEAR YOUR LOCATION. I KNOW FOR FACT THAT YOU HAVE A HAND IN THIS.  SO, YOU BETTER START TALKING.”

I heard another one of mirages smart ass remarks. It was the ‘uh oh someone is in trouble.’

“K I don’t know what’s going myself.” I lied. 

“I know your lying.”

“Dam it!” I said in frustration. “I will explain the best I can later. We got at least 15 minutes until I arrive and cause mayhem.”

“Not until I get at least something.” k can be very stubborn when it comes to someone he cares about. There only one sentence I know that can make just go along with whatever I say. 

“I am trying to help a family get home.”

“Wait like human home or us home.”

“Us. this is there only way right now.”

“Wait until I get there.”

“There is no time. I need you on that computer that’s 2 ft to your left.” I heard him growl, but he I hear a chair roll. 

“Fine. I want a story when its safe.”

“I promise. I need you. get to Ac and Sc files and find anyone that would still be there.”

Are ten minutes from arriving the campus 

“You mean the ones still on campus?”

“You got it. get T. and V. to help. I need you to make them leave.”

“All right got all 900 people. Starting to send messages. Hey t and v get to your computers and start typing. Boss says so.”

I heard some shuffling in the back. 

“Good, have them say there loved one is in hospital or Their place is on fire. if you need to get someone to pull the fire alarm. Get someone to pull the fire alarm.  Anything to get them to leave. Hell, if need used the symbol on anyone who there I don’t care just get them gone.”

“Okay. the messages are starting to send, is there anything else?”

“Is Jason v. Armstrong. working at all tonight?”

“You are right, he should be at the security booth.” 

“Call him and get him to let-

I looked at the badge Noah was holding

“Sarah J. Kelly though.”

I leaned back in the driver seat. acting like I was driving once again.

“Okay I will call him after.  it won’t be any problem.”

We were down to 5 minutes

“Do you want me to see Cam to hack the security cameras.”

“Good call. Give it an hour before they come back up.”

I hear more shuffling in the back. 

“T. said that he can't get a hold of Elena Wallace. She will be in the college. The same place that energy spike is at.” 

“Alright If I see, I will do what I can. Keep trying to reach her.”

“k I hear talking in the background. speak to me.” 

“Got it I will call after.”

“You better women or so help me, I will drag you back by the skin of my teeth if I must.  You will have stuck her until we are old grey.”

“I know you will. Friends forever.”

“We never surrender.”

I hang up and tosses the phone next to my bag. 

“You, young lady is amazing.” Said mirage. 

“Sliver what was that?”

“My way in making sure no one gets hurt friends.”

No other questions were asked. We began to pull up to the security booth and as soon as I showed him the badge. He didn’t look twice. He opened the gate and began to pack up around his desk. we just roll in like we own the place. Once he stopped in a random parking spot. I jump out began walking to the doors. 

“Sliver wait.” He was a good few steps behind me. I pushed the door open and began going up.”

“Sliver, wait I want to talk.” Noah grabs my hand. pulling me to a stop. “Please at least explain how you did all that.”

“I can't tell you that. if I do, you will be drag into something that is far too dangerous even for me. I promised your brother I will keep you safe and keeping my mouth shut is a must, then so be it.”

“Then why help them.”

“I will tell you what, I told Optimus. I know what it’s like trying to get home.”

I began to run up the stair. Just trying to outrun him so he doesn’t go farther down the rabbit hole Like Alice did with the white rabbit. I am trying to my promise. I will not drag you into the life I have. once I saw the door. I busted it open without a second thought. 

 When I was in the same daydream land again. 

I was in a middle of a forest. the same forest that Apeling was in. the same surface of grass and tree like statues around me. 

“how did I get here?”

Really how did I go from opening a door inside a building on earth to a planet I only saw once. I heard movement to my right. when looking at the sound there was a dull orange blob coming at me. the closer it came the more it began to take shape.  It was a Cheetah, but not the ones on earth. This one was larger than the ones on earth. They had more of an orange coat, then its classic yellow. Also, Its eyes where a very bright green. Aren’t cheetahs supposed to have yellow eyes? 

 what really caught my attention was where he was heading. Right for me. I went into fetal position. I don’t know why I did that, but I did. I was never flattening like a pancake. I felt a chill in my spine.  The feeling I had with Apeling. I became a full human when I saw the cat was becoming a wobbly blob again. 

 I felt a breeze pass me; a grey rhino was following the cat.its seems like no one is noticing me.i might not be able to get hurt in this dream like land. Wait, am I a ghost. My thoughts where interrupt when the sound of rustling trees filled my ears. I look up and saw Apeling, but it wasn’t really Apeling. The ape looked a lot smaller and more childish. Then a bird was following closely behind the primate. The birdie looked like a raven but completely metal and with a beautiful tint of blue. 

A “I can do this.” Sound was coming from where the other animals where coming form

Was coming behind me. a very dark navy-blue blob was coming closer and closer. She had an outline of a wolf. The navy coat had a dot of yellow dots, mad her fur look like a night sky, with little stars at night. there was a fire is in her eyes. Nothing was going to stop her. the more she said the line the faster she was becoming. the walking night sky was passing each animal one by one. the more living beings she passed the more confident she gotten.  Before anyone knows it, she was in second place. The dog and cat were neck to neck.  Both determine to not let the other pass.

“Come on Midnight. You can't pass me. so, stop while you can.

“I not giving up that easily.” The finished line was feet in front their face was nearby. 

While the cheetah kept trying to decrease the dog confidence. Mr. Kitty Cat didn’t notice the little pebble in the path.  didn’t notice a little pebble. With him focusing on the wolf. His paw stumble on It. the stumble gave the wolf a better chance to jump ahead. Giving midnight the win.  She was holding the stick in her mouth.  Once she dropped it.

“Who the fastest now?”

“I let you win.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” While the canine was rubbing the win in the cheetah face. The others came through. Rhino was 3rd.  bird was 4th and the ape was 5th.

“See sis, I told you can do it.” said the rhino.

“You were right Rhinox. I had to just believe in myself.” 

“I let her win.” Said the cheetah. 

“Keep telling yourself that.” said the bird. 

“As much as this was fun, me and Star have to go.” said the ape. 

While both party wave goodbye to each other. I stayed with the other 3. 

“I did let her win; I just didn’t want to see her cry.”

“I appreciate your concern for my sister, but everyone say you stumble.”

“I didn’t stumble.” said the frustrated cheetah.  When no one was going to believe his lies. he spit out ‘I going to hang with rattrap.’ Then began to run again.    

When the last two left saw the orange furball was far enough. The bird saw her opportunity.

“Rhinox, can I ask you are personal question?” 

“Go ahead Air-razor.”

“How do you feel about their feelings for your sister?”

“it’s complicated. As a big brother, they both don’t deserve her. she can do so much better than those two. But as their friend I have seen them grow over the years. They aren’t full mature, but they are better then Tigerhawk and Inferno. I learned I can't choose who she likes but if she is happy. That all that matters.”

After he finished his sentence. Everything was twisted. It twisted into a new scene. I was back with Midnight and the little ape.”

“So, what do you think Apeling wants to tell us.” midnight asked

“Something about a key.”

“Why would we need to know?”

“I don’t know.  we might want to know everything we can right now before we become leaders.”

“You mean you will be.”

“We both have the chance.”

“No, you are Optimus Primal. You are the best person to lead. You lead all the group actives.” 

“you are right about that, but you are the one that has all the ideas. I do apprentice the confidence boost, but don’t put yourself down.”

“I’m ju- “

Before they could continue their conversation. They walk into a cave. Where the real Apeling was standing. He was staring over the land. Kind of like Simba and Mufasa in lion king. When Mufasa says ‘everything that touches the light is your’ scene. 

“Hello young ones.”

“Hello.”  The little ones say. 

“Today lesson is going to be special one.”

“Is it about the key?”  ask Optimus.

“You are right. the key also comes with a legend. That precedes the dawn of our civilization. there is a vile god so large and so powerful, he has to consumed entire planets for fuel. That god is name Unicron.”

“isn’t that myth. We don’t need to worry about this god.” Said the Primal.

“It Could be a myth, but we aren’t for sure. It could be real for all we know.” said the wolf. 

“Star is right.  if he is real, he will be after this.” Apeling gotten up and walked inside the cave. Around a pedestal with a floating diamond thing. “If Unicron gets his hands on transwarp key. there is no way to stop him. “ 

“What is a trans-swap key?”

“Transwarp key. have been among our kind for generations. it allows us to go from universe to another.” 

“So, if Unicron gets a hold of the key. he could open a portal. To eat other worlds?” Ask Optimus.

“Yes. There will be nothing in his way.” 

“But isn’t there a way.”

“What do you mean.”

“In the records before the great war. They were saying something about a sister.”

“You mean brother and yes. Him and his twin brother (Primus) would fight for centuries. Unicron himself wanted to consume the universe. Getting rid of the good. So, there is nothing left but a void of torment.  Primus had other ideas; he saw that there was good in freedom. He fought his brother time and time again. trying to keep the balance to the two sides. The legend says that Primus defeated Unicron each time. he was toss in a void to never be seen again. Said Apeling.

“Shouldn’t Primus have this instead of us.”

“That is a mystery that could not be solve.” 

“Why is that?” Primal finally spoke up.

“We lost contact with Cybertron eons ago. with time information gets lost. Data pads get lost or destroy. without proof, all we know is that Primus and Unicron are myth.”

“That’s why they are myths? Ask Midnight . 

“Yes. That is why if there even is a chance that Unicron is real. We need to guard the key from him and whoever is under his command.” Said Apeling. 

“We promise to protect the key with our lives.” Said Both or the younger Maximal.

That when the vision started to change back to the museum room. rubbing my eyes trying to get eye site back. I was facing the window that lead outside for some reason.  I heard chatter in the back. a girl voice said something about stealing museum property. I couldn’t fully make out the conversation.  Once my vision was clear and I can see everthign like before. I saw three bots. The other 2 where unknown but when my eyes landed on the centered being. was Scrouge. Same one form Apeling vision. Nothing about seeing him said safe. I saw his hand turn into a canon, that’s when I knew we were in trouble.  Seeing that it was powering up and aiming at us I turn. 

“Elena and Noah get down.”

[ravenadottir]

ok, so the other day my partner and i were talking about characters' names, the context being "oh, some characters don't match the names they were given" and it got me thinking... what would i name the love island characters if i had that power... or what they would name themselves... it gets a little mixed, don't worry about it.

i'm doing this or all seasons, especially the ones i didn't play because... it's fun and i already don't know/care about their grace.

alright, let's begin!

gary - SOLID KYLE, and i say this as a gary stan. he looks like someone who would chug on mountain dew and post those cowboy tik toks showing off his truck. i'm sorry but if you're american you know it's true and it's undeniable. idk what the british equivalent of that is... perhaps gary LOL

ibrahim - chadwick something the third. i remember seeing someone making fun of chadwick boseman (rest in peace) because his name is so white, and by rahim's behavior and way of talking it's giving carlton from 'fresh prince of bel-air. he's a fucking chadwick and you cannot convince me otherwise.

lucas - his father would want to name him fucking archibald because they're filthy rich, but his mom knows better, so she chose lucas. i think it's perfect for him and i wouldn't change it.

henrik - a solid andreas. look at him, he's an andreas! very sweet but still nordic enough to make you wonder.

bobby - probably the day of the week he was born, because if his parents are dumb enough to name him bobby, what would stop them from naming him friday? or maybe the season he was born, spring...

jakub - his name can stay the same because he looks like a jakub, HOWEVER, he would demand everyone to call him by his nickname: white shark

rocco - fernando. and not in the way you say it in english or spanish, but in portuguese. "faer-nã-doo", he would insist because... he's a douche.

graham - a hebrew name that means lovely, so like... jeremiah, or jebediah. probably jebediah. he does not give graham, he gives "catholic mother that is a little too lost in bible lore".

arjun - because he's conceited, (i like him but that smirk is so over-the-top) rahul. every fucking raul or rahul i've ever met was a conceited jerk so... call this based off life experiences.

elijah - it's giving william, maybe willard, even wilford. definitely a nickname that leads you to believe it's william but it's every other name under the sun except for the most common.

kassam is actually perfect, the right amount of exotic vanilla that he disperses.

carl - a nerdy name that wasn't necessarily born in the 40's, so leonard. it's a solid mix between young and old for me, and that's just who carl is. leonard is leo when he's younger, then stays solid for a 30-something-yo, then it's even more solid when you get old. granted, so is carl but i hate that fucking name.

noah - ambrose. um... SHOULD I JUST MOVE ON? it's perfect for him!

felix - (my partner said "lobster" without a second thought and i thought i would share with the class) but to me he looks like a solid martin, although he tries to make a nickname like max catch on, it's not successful.

the s2 girls:

lottie - she probably has a conservative name, like anne marie but lies about it saying she was named after a witch, like piper or sybil. final name would be piper (charmed fans will get it).

hope - viola. i love it, it's simple, small and it can mean so many things depending on what language you speak. in english is a type of violin, but in portuguese it's a type of guitar, and i love that for her. she's a very musical person so that's my name for her.

marisol - she's a solid valentina, the type of name that says a lot about personality. marisol, to me, is such a whimsical name. it doesn't say "intelligent, brave, bold", it says "i sell flowers by the road and wear a dress made out of hemp. also i call my vagina sacred temple." and that's not what homegirl is giving, so definitely valentina.

chelsea - i just hate the name chelsea, despite thinking she looks like one, so i'm naming her summer, because bright, hot, a little out there. everyone named summer (except the girl in The O.C) is a whimsical person, and that's how i feel she is.

hannah - she's a fucking daisy.

shannon - she's giving "my parents gave me the whitest name they could think of but i use a cool nickname" so i'm naming her madison but she calls herself "mad". her parents though? "maddie!"

blake - she's a fully-blown yasmin. it's the type of name that makes you second guess everything you thought about the person because you're not sure where that name is from, or what it means, and that's how i feel about her.

priya - i actually love that name for her, and i don't have as much contact with female indian names to have that... knowledge you know? i like it, keep it.

elisa - beatrice, but she uses "bea" and the bea-hive, because branding. WHY CALLING HER A NAME THAT CANNOT BE USED AS A BRAND, S2 WRITERS???? what was your thought process???

jo - every single girl i've met that is like jo was named angela. girls that will be like "i'll tell you one thing: i don't play games and i don't engage in drama" and baby, that's all they're doing, they're playing games and portraying an angel. fucking angela.

r!hannah - her name is still daisy but she corrects people, wanting to be addressed as "daze", because she's a bad girl now and fucking unbearable.

[onomatopagu-et-cie]

Some other theories and observations, part 2

First impressions after re-reading DGM Some theories and observations, part 3 Notes on Link, part 1 & part 2

Have a nice week!! The end of summer is right around the corner and it’s still melting me…

(SPOILERS UP TO CH248!!!!)

▶ Bookmen’s « lineage »

Why was Lavi given 49 aliases/names when Bookman has none (at least, none that we know so far)? Does the name mark the apprenticeship? How does this even work? We know there are many Bookmen or sympathizers (just like Neah, actually) in DGM’s universe and they help each other when it’s needed, but we know so little about them!

Out of all the groups in the story, be it families or clans, the Bookmen are the only ones that the story specifically qualifies as a blood relationship, unlike the others. At the beginning of volume 13, Road uses ‘chisuji/血筋’ (lineage, blood relationship, descent ; the kanji for blood, 血, is a component of the word) to define the Bookmen:

The rest of the cast is defined with a clanic/familial notion that doesn’t specifically require a blood relationship:

➔ The Noahs are defined with ‘ichizoku’/一族 (family, relatives, household: ‘zoku’/族 is the kanji for tribe, clan, band, family). ➔ The Luberrier are also described by Lavi in the manga with 一族, but also with ‘ke’/家 (house, family), just like the Chang (I couldn’t find it for the Epstein, but it might also be ‘ke’), and ‘kazoku’/家族 (family, and as ichizoku, 族 is one of its components). ➔ When Luberrier qualifies Hevlaska’s crime against her own family/tribe (it’s highly probable she is a Luberrier herself), he uses ‘douzoku’/同族 and ‘ichizoku’.

The Bookmen stand out with this sole occurrence. I wonder what this really means, because the Bookmen were introduced as a group definitely not related by blood, formed through apprenticeship. And if I’m not mistaken, Hoshino even hinted at the importance of the Bookmen ties in one of her recent ig posts… ? It might even have a connexion to Lavi’s concealed eye, who knows!

▶ « Lavi »

In ch119, Lavi and Bookman have been associated with wheat or barley, overly present in the Campbell mansion landscape.

If Hoshino really pushes the wordplay between multiple languages, « spring » also refers to the coil or screw/helical shape in english, which is interesting since the recent chapters focus on the helix magic explained by……. Past!Allen!

(Lavi could also be a reference to 'la vie' which means 'the life' in French /jk idek at this point haha)

▶ past!Allen

(I’m thinking about that ‘past!Allen was a Bookman’ theory again haha)

Somehow after transplanting Neah’s memories in him, past!Allen became in the former’s eyes « a crazy puppet », as he said in volume 21. past!Allen was someone whose affiliation to the Innocence was beyond imaginable to Neah: once Neah learns his present self wishes to be an exorcist he deems him as his enemy. This is very poor reasoning, but the only characters revealed to have ‘sided’ with the Noah in the manga are Bookmen until the present war broke out or some time before. We also know Bookman lost one (or more) successor(s) before Lavi thanks to Sheril’s threats (« you don’t want to lose another successor again, right? »).

And the « again » is accentuated in the original version (the panels on the left):

When Tyki reports to Sheril what happened and Bookman overhears it, it’s as though he had prior knowledge from an unidentified source of what would trigger the history they were meant to record as Bookmen (the panels on the upper right). « An Innocence called Apocryphos… The departure of Allen Walker… » sounds as though he’s listing off ‘early signs’ finally announcing an important event is about to occur.

Could it be that someone/something had foreseen this? Or had already experienced this before them in another timeline or world? In addition to the ‘other world’ the Noah once lived in according to Cross, dream!Bookman insisting on the fact Bookmen live outside of the world (in ch119, the last panel on the bottom right), Allen and Lenalee’s dreams and the constant imagery of the world being nothing but a stage actors play on, it’s tempting to think there’s a timeline distortion/alternate universe or whatever plot line going on in this story.

It’s also interesting to note that for an unknown reason, Wisely interrupted Bookman’s questioning and refused to reveal whatever he read in his mind (eg. Road’s relationship to Neah), as Tyki reveals it in ch225:

▶ « Howard Link »

Compared to the third generation exorcists, who began as Crows just like Link, why is Link the only Crow to have a last name? If I’m not mistaken, Hoshino doesn’t use the Japanese naming order (family then given name) eg. Allen Walker, Cross Marian. So Link’s first name would be Howard.

In Link’s flashback in volume 21, Tewaku called him « Lin-niisama » (could this hold some significance in the manga later on?):

Was his first name Lin? I don’t believe Tewaku would call him by his last name as a child. If it’s the case, why would they swap his first and last name later? Or were the Crows ordered to call each other by their last names, since the flashback seems to happen when they became Crows? Is Link’s first name important somehow?

Before becoming a Crow, was his name Lin, not Link? Or was it just an affectionate nickname given by Tewaku? Where did Howard come from?

Or did they have no name at all or no name they could remember, like Red?

I was always under the impression that Link was his first name for some reason, I was a little silly haha

Aside from Tewaku, the only moment the third generations interacted with Link was when Goushi accidentally hurt Allen. Unlike Link, who calls them by their name, Goushi here mentions Link by his full name and title in quotation marks: « Inspector Howard Link ».

I don’t really know what to make of it. The formality would be pretty normal as their functions as Crows call for it, but it still seems weird to me as the 3rd generations call each other by their name.

Perhaps some distance gradually came to form between Link and them (eg. their training as Crows that seems really harsh and impersonal, or the influence of the Akuma cells)? (It also could be that Goushi was visually impaired, and recognized Link by his voice!)

Also when Tewaku cries for help, she asks for Madarao, Tokusa, Goushi and Kiredori but not Link.

▶ Artificial Exorcists Arc parallels

The artificial exorcists were, in retrospect, pseudo-Noahs created by the hands of humanity: they were given great regenerative abilities and a predestined role, to become exorcists in this war. The Order forced on them previous existences from which they would gain the ability to synchronize. But the memories of their previous lives threatened to overwhelm them, affecting their mind and senses, the Order would then deem them as ‘failures’. With the third generation, they intended to perpetuate these abilities for generations but Alma’s hatred was too deeply rooted.

There are also visual parallels between Kanda, Alma, Mana and Red/Neah:

Allen’s current situation also parallels Kanda’s past anguish with unknown memories flooding his head and the fact that both Alma and Mana were alive was hidden to them.

▶ Influence exerted through hands (TW: child abuse and domestic violence)

(Now I’m expecting a flashback from Link’s pov of the operation to instill Crow’s ability to cast magic with this kind of hand imagery, it would be interesting)

The hand is also accentuated in two other pages when Apocryphos attempts to merge with Allen:

There were also these panels in volume 27 (my stomach churned when I searched them again for this post)… The last two panels fill me with pure disgust, I turned these pages really fast because that was too much.

Hands can convey many messages and symbols like that in the way they’re framed, the ones above are drawn by Hoshino in a way that inspires horror and abuse.

In DGM, sometimes they’re a symbol of connection (eg. Allen and Suman, Johnny and Allen), sometimes a symbol of influence, control and violence.

Violence was also represented in other ways:

-> In Lenalee's past:

When Lenalee remembers her past, the Order and the Crow’s uniform is a symbol of her suffering: the personnel’s faces are obscured, contrasting with their outfits.

It’s the same when she remembers the experiments that forced victims into Fallen Ones. Their hand grasping the boy as well as the boy’s waving her are also highlighted. The profusion of the scientists and executives’s comments and orders, represented by bubbles gradually taking all the place, desensitized and disconnected to the cruelty of the experiments we see depicted behind it.

Luberrier’s figure in the page on the right is the only face with distinctive features she remembers, concentrating her fears.

(And ironically, Lenalee’s Dark Boots feel very heavy and could be a symbol of all her fears and hatred shackling her: they empower her but at the same time weigh her down emotionally. Her scene with the head nurse giving her her boots destroyed me ;;;;;;;;;;;;;)

In the Destruction of the Black Order arc, the ghost even forgot her name, but the memory of the experiments along with (supposedly) a Luberrier dragging her by force remain.

Luberrier and Link’s introduction in the manga also represent them with their teeth highlighted:

-> The experiments on Kanda and Alma were often visually associated to the Innocence and the Crow’s silhouettes. When Kanda and Alma are chased by Crows, the focus is on their hands: they emerge from the dark to cast binding spells. Just like Lenalee remembers Luberrier, Kanda remembers the horror of the experiment with Sirlins Epstein baring menacing teeth.

-> The cage which is also mentioned in the Lost Fragment of Snow novel:

I said it in a previous post, but the manga My Hero Academia also does it and it’s gutting. Hands are represented as vectors of both violence and sympathy/love.

(SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE MHA SERIES!!!!!)

Three character arcs illustrate this poignantly: Eri and Overhaul, Tomura and All For One (he literally embodies this image as it’s part of his character design and powers), and the Todoroki family and Endeavor.