#from the way allos do it
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Im sorry but being aromantic and/or asexual is such a beautiful, complex identity that opens up almost endless possibilities and interpretations about sex and romance and relationships and struggles within those,
and i will always absolutely LOATHE how both the outside and the aro/ace community itself have boiled these identities down to just "doesnt have sex" and "doesnt date"
#Like as a sex pos romance positive individual i feel so alienated from what is supposed to be my community too#Just for once id like to see a relatable post where an aro/ace describes how they are having sex/dating and how it feels different#from the way allos do it#cause it is different and it is amazing and i never see that pointed out#demy speaks#asexual#aromantic#aroace#aromantism#ace#aro#and just to be clear im not saying one is struggling more than the other or that one is better or more aro/ace#Nor am i saying that the “doesnt date/have sex” posts are bad#Its just...some variety would be great yknow? This is way more complex of an identity than the community is making it out to be
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Nothing like Heartstopper S2E8 removing some of Taylor Swift's "seven" lyrics just so that the singing can specifically come back in at "Or hide in the closet" while Isaac is processing difficult emotions related to the book he's reading (i.e., Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen).
Did I mention "Or hide in the closet" hits just as the camera focus finishes shifting away from Isaac?
This is fine
#This is not fine#Warning: Long tags ahead (2 topics)#TOPIC 1:#I'm glad Isaac feels safe enough to be reading this book and processing emotions around his friends#That's the positive spin on “he's quietly dealing with a lot while next to his friends and they're not noticing and he's not sharing" right#The contrast of this with the happy friend-bonding montage time feels purposeful and sad (esp. with lyrics about staying in the closet)#but on the bright side this is in the midst of happy friend-bonding montage time so we also see them having happy bonding times together#- showing the friendship is still strong even if right now Isaac isn't wholly known or fully fitting#Hopefully this is leading to Isaac telling his friends what he's going through in S3 and the friendships adapting to fit him better#TOPIC 2:#Also - don't think it's unintentional that where the camera focus shifts to is Nick with his arms around Charlie and then kissing his head#I think we're being purposefully distracted from Isaac with allo 'cuteness'#Because what the other characters often get swept up in - especially as they all couple up in S2 - is alloromantic/allosexual interactions#And that's frequently what the world prioritises or cares more about too#I think the show is intentionally calling everyone - from the characters to us watching them to the whole world - out#So that hopefully we (general) can all be more aware and do better#[In case you were wondering this N&C/Isaac scene is also right after we see short clips of Elle & Tao and Tara & Darcy cuddling -#which also seems very intentional: Isaac - sandwiched in between views of cuddling couples - alone in more ways than one]#CONCLUSION:#I think everything is working together to highlight the contrast between what N&C and Isaac are respectively experiencing in this moment#Did I mention this is not fine?#It is well done though#heartstopper mini moment#isaac henderson#aroace#aromantic asexual#lgbtqia+#queer#taylor swift#seven
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I call characters ugly because their personality is revolting and i love to hate them and bully them. You call characters ugly because they have physical features that you deem "unattractive" or don't fit eurocentric beauty standards and you hate them for that.
We are not the same.
#text#i think my aroaceness saves me from only liking characters that are deemed attractive by society at large#to me ugly is in reference to personality. because to me no features are attractive or unattractive#i do not have a concept of attraction so ugliness has nothing to do with how someone looks to me#idk i only bring this up because i saw some posts calling a character drawn looking like their canon self in their canon art style ugly#and it made me very aware of the fact that people will simp for a character only if they are drawn in a way that they find attractive#and any other way is seen as “doing them dirty” or “making them ugly”#and it kinda is just like... i don't think you actually like that guy if you gotta change key features to make him attractive to you#long story short: i got hit again with how aroace i am and how weird a lot of allos in fandom are
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i like my vashwood ace vash and allo wolfwood flavored because it's the kind of relationship dynamic i want to explore with them in my writing but i am also really fond of demi wolfwood....I don't know it feels right for him. slowly falling for vash and developping that bond with him and eventually he finds himself being attracted to him that way too and because he's never felt like that towards anyone before it's just another way vash shakes up his world
#vashwood#trigun#bee talks#yeah never felt this way because you know. the eye of michael snatched him away from the chance to develop any meaningul connections :)#until vash :)#anyway i could totally see him as ace too#he can be anything and i think that's cool#either way ace or allo I don't see wolfwood as like. massively horny. this man has either a low libido or an average one#i DO think he has one-night stands every now and then though#for various reasons#also he would be such a reverent lover#hhHHH
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the romance/relationship system in bg3 is genuinely some of the worst designed shit i've ever seen in any game with that feature but at least the memes we get out of it are funny. once saw someone comment something along the lines of 'patch note: waving at gale will no longer cause him to buy a house for the two of you to retire in' and i've never recovered since
#i love gale he doesn't deserve (most of) the incel slander#but it's painfully such a good riff because it really really does feel like that#the player choices being a b/w alternation between 'hey there' and 'YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF... NOW!' normally is already comical as is#the fact that it carries over into interactions with the party members who you're presumably trying to be close with is... something else#and what makes it worse is it ISN'T jokey hyperbole. anyone remember 'send a mental image of you kissing him or HIS HEAD ON A PIKE.' c'mon#trying to chat and vibe at the refugee camp celebration and the sum of conversation i get is one (1) line asking how they're doing#because going any further than that elicits marking you down for the path of boning take it or leave it#it's genuinely so hard to get to feel like you can deepen a relationship with the characters in ways that aren't trying to pursue them#yes! halsin! i really want to know you better! i just don't want the ass!! why is trying to hit the only option other than up and leaving!!#99% of the time i expect nothing from media creators in terms of writing interactive relationships#larian are beyond parody in that they've somehow managed to do worse than the already suboptimal majority#we're just going to impose the roadblock of do you want to fuck y/n right off the bat. good luck finding a way to talk around that if not#the obscuration surrounding where exactly the checks are really does not help at all either#when the shit's got even the allos complaining about it you know it's BAD#shame because i was excited for character scenes given that's a lot of what's hyped up about the game#but no it's all just the romances. 'what if i'd like to breathe in someone's general direction-' well now have you heard of our romances?#fish fear them party members fear them and tav is going to have to walk alone on this sinful earth#conservative bigoted relative at the family reunion withers era was a fucking time before they tweaked that line speaking of#just so crazy they can get away with this shit#baldur's gate 3#bg3 liveblog
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The struggle between being happy that all kinds of aspecs are talking about aspec experiences more and barely being able to stand the way people talk about aspec experiences
#i don't know how to say it but like. i'm aro and i hate how nobody ever. talks about us except us#if i was the type of person who comes out and if i didn't already need a powerpoint to explain asexuality#i'd start telling people i'm aro and not aroace#like just. the way i feel towards both alloallos & alloaces who try but fail at being inclusive....#towards alloace and sometimes aroace communities & the way they are & act....#legit making me think about identifying as like. non sam aro or something#yeah technically i'm asexual but i'm going to take that word away from everyone#my allo friends are trying bless their heart but they DO NOT GET IT!!!!#they're trying and they're FAILING!!! BADLY!!!!#i understand people who use certain sets of pronouns but only with specific people. holy shit#like if i see one more time that asexuality means not being interested in relationships.#if my friends ask me and only me if i'm comfortable with a sex discussion when i am participating in it#if i get told 'no bitches!! :D' as a pride thing ONE MORE TIME#i'm sorry if you're seeing that m btw. on the infinitesimal chance you do see it. it's not against you it's my aro rage#i just. i'm not ace and then aro as an afterthought.#i'm ARO and eventually if it comes up i'm ace#'oh but no bitches isn't necessarily about sex it can also be about relationships'#yeah okay. well. i'm interested in both of those. i do want bitches. not like allos but i'm not signing up to be a nun here.#the flattening of the aspec experience to 'asexual and possibly aromantic' is making me want to tear things apart with my teeth#hate hate hate hate#and let's not forget adolescent romances. listen. i'm a teenager and i love romance#but all the stuff where the 17yo alloace teen feels broken and ends up dating a comprehensive partner......#i keep seeing it like you see the fin of a shark. and that's already more than i can stand#i'm happy it's resonating with people but it's exactly as insipid as bland straight love songs to me#anyway. i didn't get everything i wanted out but i chipped away at it.#wow i have a ramble tag now
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whenever I describe my ideal romantic relationship to people I'm always told "that's not dating that's just being friends!" and it's like!! Well yeah!! But actually no! Like. I still want the loyalty and emotion of a romantic relationship, I just don't want The Nasty™. And even with my watered down definition I still don't feel ready for it especially since I have 0 experience,,
I guess I'm just plain scared of intimacy but since it's all anyone wants in a relationship I'm just better off alone so I don't disappoint or annoy people
#it's hard to even see myself as a “likeable” person tbh even though I've had to turn down people b4... probably because I don't feel like I#always stems back from a lack of self huh. <- found the bitch causing all my problems!!#don't mind the frantic ramblings of a lonely asexual in a very allo world#would it kill the universe to allow me to meet even 1 asexual guy irl. Or just anyone that feels the way I do about this whole thing#Really starting to think they're a government hoax ngl. Fuckin unicorns the lot of em#it's soo much better living romance vicariously through f/os because they will never want or pressure me to do things I don't want to do ✨
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If I had a nickel every time I saw someone equating not wanting to participate in sex/dating and/or disliking seeing sex/dating everywhere to aroace identity… I would have been tired of counting all the zeroes in my wallet.
#rant#please TT these things arent connected#PLEASE do not equate literally any kind of dislike of sex/date to aroace this is NOT what this identity is about#i cannot stress enough how important it is to remember it#there will be SO much confusion to people who does not fit to this cut#to allos who doesnt want these things and dislike seeing them#to aroaces who want these things and doesnt mind seeing them#they will see 'i dislike sex and dating because i am aroace' and think they are wrong(#this is the only/main aroace description i see#and then i see so much hate towards people who doesnt fit into it#so much confusion from people who struggle to figure themselves out because society hates them for being different#and a place where they should be free to explore themselves passively says there can be only One correct way to be#and you are not it so leave
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"it's a shame they shoved freema into so many of donna's episodes" Literally just say you're racist and leave oh my god those 3 eps in the middle of series 4 with martha in them were so fucking good showing ten having evened out and feeling more comfortable showing affection and martha recovering from all the horrible stuff she's seen and gone through (but also she can't leave that life behind completely bc how could she)
#AND !!!! MARTHAS IN THOSE EPS BUT HARDLY THE FOCUS#DONNA IS STILL THE COMPANION AND GETS MOST OF THE SCREENTIME WITH TEN#I HAVE BEEN DRIVEN INSANE BY TENDONNA QPR METH BUT DO NOT!! PUT DOWN TEN AND MARTHA'S DYNAMIC FOR THEM!! FUCK YOUUUUUU#the point for martha and ten's dynamic (specifically their companionship) is that ten in the throes of grief and self destruction#meets someone who dedicated herself to saving people. they care abt and trust each other so much but he fucks up her life!!!#the human ten arc is rly good and i love it but i think some people's takeaway mightve been 'damn lol ten doesnt care abt martha'#rather than 'human ten was so far removed from normal ten in so many ways and that included things INHERENT to ten's identity#like hating war and trying to help people and a willingness to sacrifice himself in the name of that and LOVING HIS COMPANIONS#dr who#ten and martha#anyway series 4 my babygirl. getting both ten and martha out of those god damn allo trenches#10 era
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genuine question because i really would like to know more: what is the difference between allonormativity and amanormativity vs. heteronormativity?
#i am not here to start Discourse TM i just genuinely would like to understand and i haven’t found an explanation that made sense to me#for the record im not saying or implying that amanormativity/allonormativity is FAKE#what i am saying is that i dont understand what those words mean well enough to see how theyre meaningfully different from heteronormativit#again! i do believe that allo+amanormativity Exist#im mostly just wondering if they exist as a Separate phenomenon from heteronormativity#or if its an intersectional term that refers to the unique way which heteronormativity harms aspec people#like for example: the idea that everyone should be married as a foregone conclusion and major life stage#i feel like its hard to say that the people who believe that aren’t saying it with a Very Specific (ie straight) marriage in mind#same goes with the idea that everyone should be interested in sex — in my experience that is Always specifically *hetero* sex#but i can see how those beliefs would impact aspec people differently than#lesbian/gay/bi/etc people#basically idk! anyone more informed than me can lmk :)#also if this breaches containment and anyone starts acting like an asshole i will block on sight
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ageplay is harmful and i will not apologize for saying so. raceplay is harmful and i will not apologize for saying so. exhibitionism has the POTENTIAL to be harmful and i will not apologize for saying so.
#and quite frankly i do not give a single shit what any of y'all cretins have to say about it#'but but it's a coping mechanism :((' wait til you guys hear that some coping mechanisms do more harm than good!!#'but but it's the only way i can get off :(' YOU WILL NOT DIE FROM NOT HAVING SEX OHHH MY GOD ALLOS ARE SO ANNOYING
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am i seriously starting to see jokes about asexuals on my dash again??? i chose the wrong time to accept myself.....
#i tried to tell my one irl friend but he did that thing where he started making what he thought were jokes#about like ohhh you haaate sex and like obvs that's sarcasm and i'll make the same jokes#but there was something about it that just struck a nerve that day#and i just kinda stopped and was like 'you know i don't right? my sex life isn't really different from an allo person's from the outside'#and it got to the point where i was like y'know what im sorry for even bringing it up let's just pretend im not ace (<- melodrama)#and he was like nooo but it's who you are!#and i was like oh. yeah no. it's just what i am. it's just a word that connects me to some other people.#i feel like i think of sexuality differently than some people do#imo sexuality is just something that describes how i interact with the world most of the time at a particular point in time#it's changeable because well. it changes! & i latched onto asexuality when i did for a reason#it makes sense now. it made a lot of things click and i think aces & aros put a lot of things into perspective for me#but it's just a label..... it doesn't dictate how i act i chose it to describe the way i already did act & feel#i guess my point is that's why the jokes hit a nerve#it was so so so hard to get there in the first place because i was afraid of the bullying#i don't want it to come back and start feeling like i'd get made fun of for shit that isn't even true about me all over again :(#bri babbles
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#from kile#vi feel like vi shouldn't call vyself gray-aroace anymore#not because vi don't connect with the term. vi absolutely do connect with the term and it just Clicks in a way that other terms dont#but every post vi see says ''aroaces dont feel love'' ''aroaces dont ever want relationships'' ''all aroaces have 38034083480 qpps and HATE#and DESPISE all allos and any normal relationships'' and similar stuff#and like vi absolutely support people who dont want romantic/sexual/normative relationships! if you dont feel love then thats awesome!#one of vy best friends is a loveless aro who doesnt want any romantic relationships and vi think ze's amazing for that#vi think amatonormativity is stupid and dumb and nobody should be forced to conform to any standards of ''your relationship has to be like#this!''#but vi just. dont feel like vi should be in the community. vi feel romantic love and vi am in an at least semi-normative mono relationship#vi dont hate allos or relate to even most of the ''all aspecs relate to this'' posts or want to be poly or hate all romance or any of the#other things that are defining features of the aspec community. vi feel stupid and privileged and like vi dont belong here and vi feel like#vi'm taking away their safe spaces by being here because vi'm not aspec enough and vi don't share their hatred for romance/love and vi'm#basically the amatonormative person that theyre all supposed to be fighting against because vi'm just so extremely not aspec. if you ignore#the fact that vi dont feel attraction very often then vi'm literally just another 100% allo person. vi dont belong in aspec communities and#vi'm afraid that vi'm hurting people by being here because vi'm not really aspec enough. vi cant really put into words exactly why vi have#this uncomfortable lonely hated feeling?? vi cant even describe the feeling well its just. every time people talk about ''omggggg allos do#this and aspecs do that'' vi relate to both of them but usually vi relate to allos more because its always like. ''allos need relationships#and aspecs dont lol we're so much better and cooler aren't they sick freaks for wanting love and romance wow how childish and gross''#and vi just feel. so alone
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i wish romance wasn't so hard to understand. how the fuck do i even tell these things apart
#like. its a constant fight with myself to discern between different types of attraction and how im experiencing them#do i just like them as a friend? am i just really attached because they're nice? or am i quietly crushing on them? or am i just desperate -#- for deeper connection???#it's confusing and weird and headache inducing#i KNOW i feel romantic attraction#not in the “im trying to seem more allo” kind of way. but in the genuine “ive felt it before and but for some reason it's still hard to -#- tell it apart from every other kind of attraction ive felt“#doesn't help that im just... not a fan of a lot of common relationship dynamics and experiences and all that.#i still wanna act like friends but just with the extra romance stuff added on. i don't wanna give up one thing for the other.#i don't wanna STOP doing friend shit just because of romance :(#sigh. attraction is weird. labels are weird. the human brain is weird.#i want romance but not in the traditional ways#which doesn't seem to fare well for me
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i wanna fuck my mechanic so bad it makes me look stupid :(
#i think that's what it is idk#i get this way about someone once every 8 years#i can just tell we're compatible#for what? idk#like our communication levels were immediately at 100 right off the bat and not!#bc he's aut*stic#which i don't think he is#but just bc we're compatible#i do get where allos are coming from because if i experienced this situation regularly i'd probably have gotten into all kinds of trouble#i'm obsessed with him it's so weird#thank god this is a person i don't see regularly#adam talks too much
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(tags from @no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist)
By the way "some aroace people still date and have sex" and "it's weird how internet spaces makes every single aroace character romance and sex favourable" can and should co-exist. Sincerely, an aroace person
#tags from prev#like……. yeah. that definitely sums up my feeling on it#at some point i think people heard ‘aspec characters can still date/have sex’ and took it to mean#‘I can still ship aspec characters as long as i mention they��re aspec sometimes’#when in reality if you’re going to ship aspec characters then you can’t do it in the same identical way#aspec people everywhere on the spectrum have complicated feelings on these things#and THATS what i want to see when someone starts shipping aspec characters. personally. i think they should be using those relationships as#a lens thru which to study the characters and how they’re unlike allo people#as an aroace person who has had a pretty complicated time sorting out my relationships with romance and sex#and how those things impact the committed relationship im in#and how those things interact with also being polyamorous#i would love to see people write aspec characters with at least SOME understanding and respect for their identities#show me how their identity changes how they interact with a partner. show me how they think about it#get weird with it. i never get to see romance-repulsed aros in stories. i never get to see aro people who aren’t ace#i never get to see people like me whose identities change moment to moment#show me how their *partner* thinks about it. if theyre with an allo person there are GOING to be feelings there. differences.#and if it's two aspec people together then it gets even MORE complex. how are they the same and how are they different#how does that change the dynamic? how do they talk about their relationship? how do other people perceive it?#please im starving. ive started talking about the things i want to see and now i cant live without it........#also. slightly different. pls more romance repulsed characters. make it more common to see around. this is important#people dont even realize that theyre determined to find ways to erase identities they dont understand instead of trying to understand them#i think on some level allo people 'get' the idea of being sex repulsed bc we live in a sex-negative society and they conflate the two thing#('oh you think sex is gross? yeah that's normal everyone thinks it's gross' is not a meaningful understanding of ace sex-repulsion)#but bc romance is so sweet and pure and good and everyone needs love to survive (said through gritted teeth)#people really struggle to accept or even acknowledge romance repulsion. i know in shipping communities it gets even harder#bc shipping is often ABOUT romance...#but i would still like to see people try. romance repulsed aroallo. romance repulsed friends who get to make faces at each other when peopl#mistake them for a couple. romance AND sex repulsed aroace who still gets meaningful analysis and screentime bc their life doesnt have to#revolve around romance and sex 1000% of the time forever#aspec people have written THE most interesting and compelling versions of some of my favorite characters of all time
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