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thickenmyblood · 3 years ago

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hey maca :)) I have sth that I’d love to hear your input on! (wall of text incoming so beware- I’m absolutely not mad if you don’t want to answer lmao). Basically it’s about how you portray women in your works and to what extent you see that portrayal mirrored in the canon books. I have noticed that a lot of writers tend to go a traditional route with for example daughters not being heirs like you also mentioned in an answer for a wtsioa ask on here. Considering the cultures Vere and Akielos are based on that’s obviously very logical and a lot of authors (including you) make it work fantastically! Yet personally I never got the vibe of Vere and Akielos being as patriarchal in canon, mostly because the Information we get is kind of confusing. On one hand damen is a walking manosphere (and. all of Akielos in general as well) without any prominent female figures in his life but on the other hand damen only ever speaks appreciatively of for example the female vaskian warriors. Both countries seem to ban women from the army yet Damen also refers to a warrior queen. The regent is a total misogynist but with the wording Laurent uses it almost seems like that is more the exception and not the general rule of veretian court life. Both countries also have ties to Vask, an exclusive matriarchy and Akielos is said to be similar to Patras which Pacat has stated is also partly a strong matriarchy due to vaskian occupations in the past. I could go on for a lot longer but I guess that damens overall positive attitude towards women and especially stereotypically spoken masculine women is what sticks out the most to me. It just seems kind of misplaced in a world that supposedly is as sexist as the original cultures from our world. Which is why I’d say both countries do have gender roles but are overall a lot more egalitarian than their respective real world og cultures. But that’s only my take and I’d love to hear more on what others think about the portrayal of women in canon and how they chose to portray it in fanfiction. Love you and your new work, hope you’re doing well❤️

HELLO!!! Thank you for asking me interesting stuff :, ) you always have the best questions and my sad little inbox is open to you any time, friend. I divided this into parts, so:

My portrayal of women: I need to work on this a lot lmao. I’m not proud of any female character I have ever written for this fandom, and I’m also not proud to say I struggle horribly when it comes to writing female OCs, especially if the story is not about a female character that is a literal projection of me. Or Bella Swan (yes, Twilight literally shaped my sad little brain and the way I write and consume fiction).

Authors writing female characters in a “traditional” way (for fantasy settings): I can’t speak for other authors but I definitely think, in my case, that using the “it’s a patriarchal society, women have no rights, women can’t be heirs, etc.” blueprint is a matter of being lazy. It’s quick, and easy, and it’s been done before so we all know how it works and a) it’s unlikely that you’ll mess it up (in the plot hole kind of way) and b) it’s obvious that most readers know how the usual system works and so you don’t have to spend paragraphs or even chapters explaining it to them. I am very lazy when it comes to world-building for fics. Why? Because when I’m writing fanfiction I don’t give two shits about the world, I just care about the characters doing Things and having Feelings. The moment you start to question these issues (a society where women can join the army, where they can be heirs, where maybe they can have multiple husbands, etc.) a billion issues arise because it’s not the “usual way” and so you’ll have to deal with “unusual problems”. See: plot holes, info-dumping, etc.

Vere and Akielos in canon: I think the books get very, very confusing at times when it comes to gender roles in that specific world. They also get very confusing about how royalty works, in my opinion. So:

Damen never mentions female influences in his life, not even nannies or wetnurses or anything. He mentions past queens and his mother, but even then… It’s always struck me as “what the actual fuck” that we get no information on Egeria. In TSP, he doesn’t even read as curious to me, especially when I think of that line that goes something like “oh, well, he’d never asked how tall she was”.

Then you have Jokaste, who is highborn and also… perhaps trained in politics? It’s unclear to me if she’s ever been directly involved in meetings or been an active member of the Council or even been allowed to study these issues. Clearly, she’s smart and capable and cunning, but like… how? Did she have private tutors? Is she a self-made woman? Like, what’s up with that? Are women allowed to engage in public politics? Are they allowed to be kyroi?

IMO, Damen complimenting the female warriors in Vask has to do with how appreciative he is of war-related stuff. Like, he thinks people with his own qualities are neat. We see this time and time again in the books—having honor, being brave, respecting one’s family, protecting those who need protecting… He compliments these things when he sees them in others, especially in Laurent. Obviously one of the big changes in Damen as a character is that he goes from being daddy’s boy to being like “well, actually… maybe war isn’t always the answer, and maybe war isn’t always honorable”. The Vaskian warriors prove themselves worthy of praise in a “manly” way, if that makes sense. (In the same way, Laurent proves himself in the Okton, not so much to Damen but to other Akielons). So, in essence, War > Any issues he may have about women doing Stuff.

Don’t judge me for this but I can’t remember the Regent talking about women. Do you have any quotes about that? I feel like Book 1 is super rich when it comes to world-building stuff and yet it’s the book I remember the least. I know he obviously has a preference for boys and not girls, but I don’t recall him having interactions with Vannes or ladies at court? I’M SORRY I’M SO STUPID but I don’t own the book so I can’t exactly word search my way out of this one, and so instead of saying stupid stuff, I’m asking anyone reading this (lol, you and my mom probably) to please tell me what canon says on this issue.

Ties to Vask: Er, yeah, I mean… They’re clearly not at war with Vask and have some sort of economic deal (there are Vaskian pets in Arles? Which makes me wonder if they, like, buy them from Vask? Or if the pets are Vaskian and turn into pets in Vere? Slaves are not like pets so I don’t know?), BUT just because they have deals with this kingdom/are on good terms with the ruler does not mean they necessarily approve? Like, maybe they’re like “yeah, it’s weird they give women so much power, but also I need that silk/leather/WHATEVER, so I’ll shut up about that”.

“Akielos is said to be similar to Patras which Pacat has stated is also partly a strong matriarchy due to Vaskian occupations in the past.” Is this in the books or is this something she said in an interview/post-releasing the trilogy? I know in the books there’s a quote that Akielos and Patras are similar because they both have slaves, but other than that I can’t quite remember anything about Patras? Like, I don’t recall Pacat giving us extensive and thorough world-building on either nation, at all. Once again, I am asking you for more explanations on this because I literally don’t remember.

4. My opinion and a Stupidity Disclaimer: As I’ve said above, there’s a lot of stuff I don’t remember and so I’m not trying to preach to anyone reading this or even saying that I hold the truth about… anything. I’m answering questions as I see fit and asking more questions when I run out of answers.

I believe world-building is not one of Captive Prince’s strong points. I will not elaborate on this because this is already long enough but there is simply, in my opinion, not enough material to reach any solid conclusions when it comes to world-building questions such as the role of women in Vere and Akielos, how compulsory homosexuality affects the development of highborn men and women in Vere, exactly what makes Akielos’ view on women different from Vere’s (if there’s any difference at all), the history of gender roles in this world and how it’s evolved up until canon, how Lamen can solve the heir issue without recurring to, once again, “the usual stuff” (concubines, bastards, marriage to women, etc.). It’s clear from what I’ve read that Pacat has come a long way as a writer and that her new trilogy has a lot more in-depth explanations to world-building questions, but this is not the case with CP, and so I’m afraid my answer to most of this is “I don’t know, and I don’t think anyone can know for sure”.

Lastly, I think I struggle a lot with understanding the role of women in this universe because I simply did not see enough women doing stuff, so I don’t know what’s permitted, what’s unacceptable, what’s illegal, what is straight-up execution worthy, etc. This is not me complaining about the lack of female characters in CP, at all, which I know is contradictory to stuff I’ve said in the past (I answered a couple asks a year ago about how I’d wished we’d gotten Vannes’ POV or Jokaste’s POV in the short stories). I’ve changed my mind, and so I think Pacat is entitled to write whatever she wants, just like I’m entitled to talk shit about KR with any living soul who will listen lmao.

To end this on a spicy note, I think sometimes we consume the wrong media and then complain because it doesn’t have what we wanted. If you’re looking for a trilogy with strong, fleshed-out female characters, Captive Prince is not for you. If you’re looking for a trilogy on female struggles and, I don’t know, defying… the male gaze… Captive Prince is not for you. There are plenty of books out there that focus exclusively on female characters, featuring sapphic relationships, and dealing with gender issues. WHICH IS NOT TO SAY WE SHOULDN’T BE HAVING THESE DISCUSSIONS. This is not about this particular question, but more about a lot of posts I’ve seen floating around… complaining about Pacat’s writing and the themes she didn’t explore.

If anyone has made it this far, thank you for reading, and know this is NOT me telling you what to think. This post is an open question that anyone can engage with, although I hope people will engage with this directly and on this platform, instead of… taking it somewhere else where I sadly can’t engage back! Unlike what happened with our awesome fat Laurent discussion, I will be replying to any questions I get on this (Note: I did not reply to most of those questions because a long time had passed and they were sort of repetitive).

#caramellaurent #captive prince #i'm using the main tag because i think... maybe someone has answers?#also lol melli i see what u did here... u're distracting me from writing for the bang #i see how it is #discourse #is this discourse tho?#it's just me asking stuff #discourse (questioned)

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tedturneriscrazy · 3 years ago

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Another Saturday, another episode! Let's take a look at Keeping Up A-fear-ances!

(Good lord I'm starting to make myself sound like some sort of content creator)

Oh, okay, we're just starting at that level of intensity, huh?

Chest gem origins

Gwendolyn not being satisfied with managing the curse and determined to cure it? I'm sure this won't be a real world allegory in the slightest.

Oh, so Eda literally just stumbles upon the portal? I could call that contrived, but honestly it's not dissimilar to how Dipper found Journal 3. For that matter, the entirety of Lord of the Rings is predicated on an accidental discovery like this and nobody gave Tolkien shit about it.

Was the eye on the portal cracked in previous episodes? I don't remember.

Seems like Gwen is the "well-meaning but ultimately misguided" flavor of mom.

As an aside, I am now quite curious about how Eda's first trip to the human realm went. Maybe a future episode will cover it? At any rate, I smell a new favorite fic prompt.

The screaming alarms in the Demon Realm will never not be funny to me.

Also, that is a worrying number of hearts. Eda is straight up murdering these poor creatures.

For some reason the gold fang being removable never occurred to me as a possibility, and now I feel like a kid who's discovered that Santa isn't real.

Oh hey, the new outfit! I'm also impressed how close to symmetrical that tearing was.

I need to get a screencap of Luz sleeping on that stack of books because she is adorable.

Also, staying up all night researching? This season seems determined to completely eradicate the notion of Luz being dumb, and I am here for it.

I have a feeling the Hexside mug will be making its way to The Mystery Shack in the near future.

Lilith's first experience with transformation and she seems understandably horrified.

The curse acting stronger when stressed? That seems...important.

Ah, so the dismemberment is from the curse! A surprisingly useful side effect from what we've seen so far.

Can I just say that I appreciate how Eda's reaction to Lilith's first taste of transformation is immediate remedy, explanation, and reassurance? And doesn't make any snarky comments along the lines of "now you know what it's like?" Whatever happened in that week and a half must have been cathartic as hell.

"Always. Always curious." Luz is the TOH fandom.

(Also, Eda, you know she is, considering how much she went on about your "mysterious past" at the Covention)

"Magic bird tornado?!" Luz has a way with words that's just *chef's kiss*.

"Gwendolyn." Eda is already just fucking done.

"MOM?!?!" Jeez, Lilith, you're just now hearing all this?

I was charmed by how motherly Gwen was acting toward Eda, but then she kinda just...dismissed Lilith, and now I'm somehwat less charmed.

(Sweet flea as a term of endearment is kinda cute, though might have some unfortunate implications depending on how you want to interpret it)

"Who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" OH WE GOING FOR THE ANTI-VAXXERS NOW YESSSS

Luz and Lilith's reaction to that whole exchange is priceless.

Everyone's perspective here makes perfect sense for who they are and what they've been through.

Poor Lilith. Her cursing Eda is beginning to make more sense.

Ah, thus begins the collaboration.

"We'll be consulting someone very special." Why does that seem so...ominous?

Is there anyone who watched this episode for the first time whose bullshit detector didn't go off immediately when Gwen mentioned finding someone who promised a cure?

Heh, Palm Stings.

Nonbelievers will be blinded by the power of the tome? I'm sure they will be, Wartlop.

I must say, as something of a scientist myself (okay that's not true, I'm a QA tech for a food manufacturer, but I do have a chemistry degree), I am 100% here for the swings being taken at faith healing/"miracle" cures/anti-vaxxers in this episode

Oh, we Wile E. Coyote now, huh?

Also, interesting how much apple blood is being played up in this episode.

Lilith please you're projecting your mommy issues on a literal child

OH WE REALLY JUST WILE E. COYOTE HUH?

You're right, Luz, Gwen's bicep game is goals.

(Somewhat disappointed the scars are from questing and not beastkeeping, but eh)

Why do I get the feeling there's gonna be a future episode where everybody stages an intervention for Eda's apple blood problem?

"Those feathers mean we're driving the beast out" Gwen no

Hooty is holding the brain cell? Oh no...

If that ice cream came from the Night Market it would explain why Lilith sounds drunk.

(Side note: I can't be the only one getting flashbacks to Mermista's ice cream binge, right? Different context, but still)

"Abomi-berry" "Franken fruit" "Key slime pie" These are A+ flavor names.

Oh, there's the transformation...

I must say that whole segment kinda rubbed me the wrong way. The way King's opinion on his dad was changed seemed...I don't know how to describe it. I get that they needed a trigger for Lilith's transformation, but honestly if any part of the episode is contrived it's this.

"¡It really is that good!" So that's what an accent slip in written form looks like. (The upside down exclamation point is used in Spanish, in case anyone didn't know)

I keep half expecting Eda to say "Beep! Beep!" at this point.

Luz is finally asking questions. Took long enough.

Ah, the classic "moving the goal posts to extract more money from a desparate family member" technique.

Luz channeling Scorpion, we love to see it.

There is an exquisite irony in Eda's mom being scammed, I must say.

Ah, so that's where the elixirs went. Dammit, Gwen.

Luz is definitely thinking "Are you fucking kidding me right now?!"

Beast!Lilith is massive.

"Sweet flea?" Gwen just realized she done goofed.

"I can see you still need a little time." God Luz is so fucking smart.

The con revealed.

OH DAMN SCARY MAMA

(Also I am terrified of bees/wasps, so extra scary mama in my book)

The scam is revealed, goblins, getting back into the Wartlop disguise is kinda pointless.

She joined the Beast Keeping coven entirely to cure the curse? That's dedication. A shame you couldn't have spared some of that for Lilith.

Still, I do like badass scary mama Gwen. I'd be down to see more of that.

Owl Beast fight!

I am slayed by the fact that the portraits are now officially a recurring gag 😂

Aw, here's The Moment™️

"My turn to drive" Does this imply cars are a thing on the Boiling Isles after all?

Lilith crying almost immediately💔 She was holding onto a lot of pain.

Yes, King, she was trying to do her best. I mean, road to hell or whatever, but at least Gwen got there in the end.

WHAT?! YOU'RE BREAKING UP LULU AND HOOTCIFER?!?!?!?

Terrace, that's just cruel. (Worthless brownie points for whoever understands that reference)

No, seriously, you can't just give me my favorite inter-character relationship in the series after Lumity and just...take it away like that, come on! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I know I should remark on how Lilith told Gwen about the circumstances of the curse, how Gwen rightfully accepted responsibility for the whole situation, and how Luz finds the big hair aspirational, but...NOOOO DON'T END THE ADVENTURES OF LULU AND HOOTCIFER WHYYYYYYYYY💔😭💔😭💔😭

"BUT I CAN'T HOLD A PEN!"

I will never emotionally recover from this.

Okay, I think I got that out of my system. Anyway...

Not the only human, huh? Cue the "Belos is a human" theorists going into maximum overdrive.

That said, a tantalizing lore dump.

We certainly do have a lot of garbage. Some of it even holds office. HEY-O!

Setting up the next episode, too. Continuity!

Camp's over, huh? That means it's been three months.

Way to misdirect with Camila, guys. That said, we have now seen Camila cry and I HATE it. (In the right way, I think)

WHAT THE FUCK

HOLY SHIT

CREEPY LUZ IS REAL WHAT

OWJEIWHQGIWWOPQ

(It's hard to keysmash on a phone, even with autocorrect off)

That wraps it up! The flaws in this episode seem more pronounced than any others in the season so far, but the good stuff was really good! Overall a solid episode! I know everybody's looking forward to library Lumity in the next one (so am I), but I'm personally eager to see what they do with Gus. His part is the A plot, after all.

Anyway, I'll be back at this next week! Still hard to believe this is a thing, but that's life, I guess.

#the owl house #eda clawthorne #gwendolyn clawthorne #luz noceda #lilith clawthorne #king of demons #toh king #toh s2 spoilers #the owl house s2 spoilers #the owl house season 2 spoilers #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers

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captaincravatthecapricious · 4 years ago

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Collapse- Prompt Fill

Jon is a Dune fan. How can picking up one book change things? Idea from a tumblr prompt and a post by @roseunspindle (permission was granted for writing this)

cw all the typical episode 160 stuff and references to nausea and of course manipulation and fainting. Some dialogue from 160, and a quote from Dune, of course!

I am still accepting bingo prompts (card by @celosiaa) Pick a prompt from the card and a character and let me know if you want art of fic! (I am much faster at art). I have several outlined that I need to write, and I will get to those... Soonish? Have an excellent day and I hope 2021 treats you well!

Jon isn’t sure why he grabbed the book. He’s read it before so it doesn’t hold the same interest it once did. He had to work on that reading habit of his in school, and now he’s managed a few rereads, but he still prefers the unknown and interesting.

But he did love this book when he read it. He was too young for it, of course. But that hadn’t mattered. He sucked the whole world into his young and greedy mind.

And now that glossy, second hand cover.... makes him pause over it. He doesn’t know how it survived evictions and his absences. He must have subconsciously stored it out of the way. But he grabs it, with a few statements, and his small collection of clothes into a very battered backpack that he’s sure once belonged to Melanie.

He wishes he had more books. Maybe once he and Martin reach the train station, he can pick up something else to read. Or maybe he can borrow some books from Martin….

He stuffs Dune into his backpack. It’s on the top, distending the fabric slightly, straining the zipper as his grandmother had always reprimanded him for when he shoved too many pleasure books into his school bag, (always to read under the desk and he was always inevitably caught and reprimanded again, but what could you do with an inattentive student who still pulled good marks?).

He boards the train with Martin. Battered and aging backpacks filled with worn clothes and statements and books and granola bars. The station had been loud and busy enough to send Jon reeling with the information spilling off a crowd of people as well as the less eldritch sensory overload. His head aching dully as they settle into their seats.

Medicine for motion sickness sends him drowsy as soon as it is effective. He spends the time before it works staring queasily out the window, clammy hands holding tightly to Martin as much to sooth his uneasy stomach as to hold Martin in this plain of reality. He nods off, hands still clasped with Martin’s. Wrapped up in the elation of having Martin with him, around him, talking to him…. almost safe.

He wakes up in a storm of hurried breaths and crashing thoughts…. precarious as the crashing waves that haunted the lonely, but far closer and more oppressive. Statements tumbling with his own crashing thoughts. Fear on his breath. His fear making him Hungry in the nauseous way of autocannibleism.

He presses his face into Martin, only just then realizing that he’s been using Martin as a pillow. Martin, who is dozing. Martin, who is still a little foggy. The last of the haze burning off with the contact. Jon can see the steam rising between them, mainly and gentle. The sun burning the fog off a meadow in the early morning.

Jon sits himself up, but stays pressed against Martin. The imprint of Jon slowly thawing Martin as the train gently sways them both.

Jon doesn’t want to sleep more. He would much prefer to read, but it is still more than a bit of a gamble for him to even medicated. But…. he’s bored.

Dune.

Right on the top of his bag. Leaning over starting to make him queasy (which doesn’t bode well for reading attempts), he pulls it out and straightens up.

He turns it over in his hands a few times, until his stomach settles. He’s fine. Just a few more minutes before the medicine works… probably anyhow.

He flips through the pages, still waiting for his breathing to calm as well.

Oh.

He remembers this words… in a half remembered haze of childhood and tracing those words on his limbs and his walls. With his eyes, and markers, and pencils. On the inside of his eyelids. Carved into the air about his bed as he repeated them to himself.

‘I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.’

Reading those words again makes his hands shake like they had when he first read them… with Mr. Spider fresh in his nightmares. Still missing the life he could never have with his parents.

Jon fumbles for a pen.

He traces them again on his forearm.

Poorly written, of course. Hands far from steady with the rocking of the train and the rocking of his stomach and the rolling of his world after the day he’s had. But he is once more too tired to focus on anything much, so he tucks his book away again, and shoves the pen in his pocket.

He tucks himself up against Martin again, using an old jumper as a blanket. He knows he is taking a bit of a liberty, but he buries his face in Martin’s neck and breathes deeply. He’s asleep again in moments.

The trip isn’t eventful. Lots of track clicking past. Lots of drowsy hours. A disappointing sandwich and a tasteless cup of tea. Jostled shoulders. Cramped restrooms. Cramped necks. Jon’s bad leg protesting the seating arrangements. Then the slightly uncomfortable walk to the safe house. Weighed down with hasty shopping and their lumpy bags. Jon limping more heavily by the time they drag themselves over the threshold.

In the domestic bliss, time stretches. Lazy afternoons on the couch Jon and Martin entwined stretch into years in the golden light of afternoon. Two weeks of cups of tea. Of trips to the store. Of statements that Jon goes through way too fast, try as he does to ration them. Frantic phone calls to Basira as Jon can’t make the trip to town anymore. More cuddling on the couch. Bickering over who does the dishes, over who makes the best eggs. Over what to have for dinner. Discussions of what counts as a sandwich and whether cereal is a soup. Jon being appalled that Martin eats cereal from the box directly with a spoon. Martin being horrified that Jon eats dry cereal from a bowl with a glass of milk. Playing footsie through dinner. “Yes Martin, another soup. Means less cooking.” Sloppy kisses over glasses of wine. Jon being too dizzy to go on walks. Jon retracing Frank Herbert’s words on to his arm. Over. And over. And over again.

“I must not fear…”

Until a package arrives.

It’s unassuming and labeled in Basira’s careful penmanship. If Jon expects to see tear-staines over a lost partner, he doesn’t see them.

Martin kisses him soundly, and leaves to take pictures of good cows.

Jon has been tucked up on the couch. Under a thick blanket. Finally in better spirits now that he has statements again, ready …so ready for his limbs to feel like his again.

He tastes copper as he started to read. The words don’t sit right in his mouth. Before he can even properly start… before his mind is lost to him, he can feel the wrongness building. And when the betrayal occurs, he can’t find it in him to be surprised or hurt. All he can feel is a hollow fear…. a hungry fear. Gaping and endless. Tearing into his skin as he tears at his clothes, his skin, the statement that does not belong to Hazel Rutter and has nothing to do with a fire. Aside from the fire in his throat and in his hand, and leaping from mark to mark as Jon learns what they actually are. A map of manipulation. A tool to make the actual tool. The wood and hammer and nails that make him the door. The door that he… that he. “ Come to us in your perfection.

Bring all that is fear and all that

is terror and all that is the awful

dread that crawls and chokes and

blinds and falls and twists and

leaves and hides and weaves and

burns and hunts and rips and bleeds

and dies!

Come to us.

I-“

“I…” Jon chokes. His eyes sliding helplessly over the room. Over many tokens of a happy life that he is never going to have. Because of this…. this… he can’t even call it a betrayal. His entire life has lead to this. Every unhappy moment. Every instinct he has ever had. Every poor choice. Every step another step towards the inevitable. His eye catches on a familiar cover. Somehow still glossy. Despite Jon having carried it around like a safety blanket for the last few weeks. And he catches those smudged and traced over words on his arm and he tears at himself, trying to stop.

“I…”

He chokes again. Around those last few words. The words that will wrench the thunder from the sky and rend it asunder.

“I…”

He breathes. Possibly for the first time since his hands ghosted over the unassuming manilla folder.

“‘I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.’”

His vision cuts out. He must have stood at some point, because he is falling. Stings cut. Nothing to manipulate. The puppet is broken.

He wakes with a head full of cotton, but a heart devoid of fear. There is a clarity in his limbs. But exhaustion sits heavily on his chest. He feels… clear. And real. And… like utter shit.

But the arms around him are solid and warm and smell like tea and toast and all the good things Jon can think of in the world. And even if Jon could bring himself to move… he wouldn’t have dreamt of doing so.

There is burnt ink in the air.

“Wha’?” Marble-mouthed. Heavy with the exhaustion of years of poor sleep, of running and fearing and the adrenaline crash of something horrifying being…over.

“It’s alright, Jon. Everything’s fine. I…. I don’t know how you did it, but you stopped reading… and I burned it. It’s gone. We’re okay.”

And Jon isn’t sure he understands…. but he doesn’t care. Because he is not afraid, and Martin told him that everything is okay. And he thinks… just Maybe. Just… maybe… that it might be.

He lets himself be tucked in. He lets himself sleep.

Jon takes up calligraphy. He hates it. Utterly despises it… but he becomes decent enough to write one thing for their mantel. In the safe house. Miles away from fear and Jonah Magnus… if the bastard is even still alive…

Framed in gold, traced out in neat and flowing calligraphy:

#the magnus archives #tma #jonmartin #fic #tma fic #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #dune #cw fainting #cw nausea #cw manipulation #my words #my fic #my writing #my art

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sunriseverse · 4 years ago

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rec listtttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

fair warning there’s a lot of different fandoms here—i have, uh. twenty-two pages of bookmarks. lots of newmann though, i promise. in no particular order, i give you a fic rec list

the future’s owned by you and me by kaiyen (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Years after they stopped writing each other, Newt and Hermann run into each other on the steps of Cambridge University Library. Quite literally.

Newt stares at him, expecting more. He doesn’t get any. “Come on, man, who are you? Maybe I’ve read something.”

I doubt it, Hermann barely catches himself from saying. “Gottlieb. Hermann Gottlieb.”

And Newt looks like he’s struck oil. “Oh my god,” he says, and something flickers behind his eyes, like there’s more than just recognition there, and before he can wonder any more about what it is, Newt blurts, “Oh my god!” and Hermann flinches and makes a face like a disgruntled frog.

What you can expect: emotions, opprotunities missed, and opprotunities taken. I absolutely adore this fic, though I might be biased by the fact that it has Newt as bipolar, and that’s something I always crave (more bipolar Newt fic when???).

Survival is for Nerds by Annabeelee (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 46k, Teen and Up)

It's three hundred and two years after humanity lost to the Kaiju and two hundred and twenty one since the Kaiju left. Not that it matters to Hermann. In relation to following a neurotic genetic experiment across whats left of the Northern American continent while dodging alien predators and hostile subgroups of humans, its possibly the least helpful thing to keep in mind.

What you can expect: scifi, tension, and a very intersting world. Post-apocalyptic, technically, but the way it’s written makes it almost hopeful. I love how the setting and writing makes it feel like a blend between victorian steampunk and futuristic in tone.

people can surprise you (or not) by pdameron (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 10k, Teen and Up)

“I’m not you, Bond. I don’t exactly have a technique for getting rich strangers to like me.”

“Just do your naive cute puppy thing, and they’ll be doting on you in no time,” Bond replies as he pulls up to the grand estate.

“My what?” Q asks incredulously. Bond doesn’t answer, simply giving him an indulgent smile. The fucker.

(or: 00q meets Gosford Park. Except not really.)

What you can expect: humour, murder, and some light espionage. Also, fake dating.

Infinite Distance by lachatblanche (X-Men, Erik Lensherr/Charles Xavier, 7k, Teen and Up)

When they encounter an unfamiliar and seemingly-abandoned ship in the middle of nowhere in space, Captain Charles Xavier of the spaceship Graymalkin heads out to investigate.

What you can expect: drama! Intruige! It’s set in space! I read this a while ago but I have memories of it being rather riveting despite the relatively short length.

Gertrude’s Goulash by lollzie (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 7k, General Audiences)

Ed needs a new roommate. Oswald needs a room. Oswald may just be the most amazing person Ed has ever met. Shame he's not single. Cue wooing via the medium of cooking.

What you can expect: pining, misunderstandings, obliviousness, and a lot of goulash as a method of romancing.

Death Of The Author by happygolovely (Gotham, Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot, 9k, Mature)

Edward Nygma was never intended to be anything more than a secondary character.

The Riddler demands otherwise.

What you can expect: a story within a story within a story. You think you have it figured out, and the next moment the carpet is yanked out from beneath you. Fairly dark, possibly disturbing, but my goodness if it’s not engaging.

we make our friends, we make our enemies by ORiley42 (Mission: Impossible, Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt, 52k, Teen and Up)

Benji finds out he has a new neighbor. This new neighbor happens to be off-the-charts hot. Hijinks, friendship, more-than-friendship, and secret agent drama ensue.

What you can expect: pining. There’s spy stuff going on too, and it eventually gets brought up, but my gods, the pining. Also, it’s fucking hilarious, and, at just over fifty thousand words, the perfect read when you’ve got an hour or two and you want something that’ll make you both laugh and cry.

Self-Sabotage by EmilyweepsforPilfrey (James Bond, James Bond/Q, 2k, Teen and Up)

For some reason, whenever he's alone with Bond, the most ridiculous things come out of Q's mouth.

Or 'the one where Q accidentally invents a girlfriend'.

What you can expect: Q being an utter idiot. It’s hilarious. Nice quick bite of humour if you fancy it.

The Long Con by harleygirl2648 (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 19k, Teen and Up)

There are two kinds of cons: long and short. Short cons mean short-term gain, with smaller rewards, mostly just everything you have in your pocket at that moment. Long cons mean lots of time, effort, costumes, masks, props, sets, and other characters all looking to set up the downfall of the mark and take them for all that they've got.

Con Artist/Thieves AU: Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter are both interested in acquiring a Botticelli, but both of them are quite fond of each other's short games. For both of them, it's the deception and thrill of the game that's worth more than the payout.

And well, after all, aren't the easiest people to scam are those who think they are smart enough to not get scammed?

What you can expect: no cannibalism, a lot of banter, and, of course, con artistry. Quite delightful if I do say so myself.

deus ex machina by coloredink (Hannibal, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, 26k, Teen and Up)

"What the hell?" said Katz. "Is that--"

"Yeah, I know, it's kinda flashy." Will shut the car door behind him and patted his pockets for the little fob to lock the car.

"Isn't that Hannibal Lecter's car?"

The car beeped to indicate it was locked. "Yeah, I guess so." Will walked away, toward the field, Katz on his heels. "I needed a new car."

"So you bought the cannibal car?"

-----

You asked for it: the one where Hannibal is a murderous self-driving car.

What you can expect: what it says on the tin. Quite funny, especially with the element of magical realism meaning Hanni-car is sentient. The Hannigram is more vaguely implied than an actual thing, owing, probably, to the fact that Hannibal is, well, a car.

adapt, evolve, become. by peupeugunn (Alex Rider, Gen, 3k, Not Rated)

“This is how you get out. You're slowly moving towards a desk job.” A pause, then, “you know, most people do it the other way around.” Alex chuckles softly and and shuffles towards him to lean against his shoulder, burrowing into the crook of his neck. Ben’s arm winds around him, shields him from the world, a solid weight on his back. “You're going to miss the adrenaline rushes, kid.” There's something almost sad in his voice. Alex doesn't want to understand why. Down that road lies madness.

What you can expect: a character study, in a bit of a roundabout way.

A Sharp Dressed Man by Avelera (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Hermann's latest book needs an author photo. However, when he's given a makeover and a suit that actually fits for the photo shoot, his appearance is so transformed that Newt mistakes him for his (much hotter) older brother, Dietrich.

Hermann decides to play along.

What you can expect: gods this fic is so good. It’s the first Newmann fic I ever read, and I’ve reread it a good six times since 2018. I would say more, but I think the fic speaks for itself.

Gestures by Actually_Crowley (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Teen and Up)

Newton finds out what Hermann does with his rare free time, but the discovery leads him to believe that Hermann honestly and unequivocally hates him.

What you can expect: the rituals are fucking intricate. I love this fic so so so much. And the eventual reveal/confession...scream.

Fate’s Horrifying Ways (also known as: CHRISTMAS GODZILLA) by linearoundmythoughts (Pacific Rim, Newton Geislzer/Hermann Gottlieb, 4k, Teen and Up)

Your name is Newton Geiszler and you’re going to have to break things off with your sort-of online boyfriend because you’re cheating on him. Sort of. [AKA the most dramatic summary of a humorous crackfic ever ok]

Originally written for the Pacrim Secret Santa back in 2014.

What you can expect: first off, it’s not second person, I promise. It is, though, really fucking funny, owing to the misunderstandings that ensue. There’s much pining, some angsting, and, of course, humour.

Letters From Berlin by spenshi (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 12k, Teen and Up)

Newton keeps in touch with his family when he's shipped off to the Shatterdome. Jacob and Illia send care packages to the K-Science Lab.

What you can expect: Geiszler-family feels. A lot of them. Also, Newt and Hermann slowly growing closer to until they can finally admit they’re into each other.

Wishbone by cypress_tree (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 8k, Teen and Up)

Hermann doesn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving, so Newt invites him over for food, family, and a little bit of flirting. Just a warm, fuzzy college AU to get you through the holidays.

What you can expect: fluff, softness, general feel-good fic. It’s really good, and it has Geiszler-family feels. Reading this fic is a bit like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day.

next days by catbeans (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, Teen and Up)

Hermann had never felt an ache quite like this one, and he had felt plenty. He had been running on adrenaline first, and then on the necessity to keep running, pain and bone-deep exhaustion falling to such a low priority that he couldn't even consider it one anymore, and then it had stopped.

(the 18 hour nap date these guys deserve)

What you can expect: Newt and Hermann cuddling. A lot. That’s really it, that’s the fic. It’s 100% indulgent and I love it for that.

Tebori by SkysongMA (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 7k, Not Rated)

Newt squints. "It's really not a sex thing? 'Cause I'm not opposed to it being a sex thing, mind you. I just don't want to come in the lab tomorrow and not get to throw things at your stupid face."

Hermann lets out an endless, long-suffering sigh. "It's really not a sex thing, Newton, honestly. We hate each other. That's worked out very well for us so far, and it will continue to work out for us in the future." He doesn't mention that they haven't always hated each other and that, at one point in their long relationship, showing up unannounced at Newton's door for the purpose of sexual favors would not have been so far out of the realm of possibility. Had been, in fact, one of those things Hermann had considered late at night long ago, when he couldn't go a week without a fat envelope in the mail full of Newt's ramblings.

But that was quite some time ago, and he means it. They each get more work done than they would ever have separately, even if only because they like to rub their progress in the other's face.

Anyway, admitting anything different would just give Newt ammunition

What you can expect: Newt gives Hermann a tattoo. There’s a lot of feels.

Newt Inherits a Bar by orphan (Pacific Rim and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Not Rated)

The scary part is the bar looks exactly like Newt remembers.

What you can expect: you’ll probably tear up a bit. This one hits pretty hard, honestly, but it’s so, so, so good.

First a Darling, Then a Marvel by isozyme (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 20k, Mature)

Newt runs a simulation given three constraints:

1: Newt wants to clone a kaiju 2: Hermann does not want Newt to clone a kaiju 3: Newt is going to clone a kaiju anyway

What you can expect: a lot of sciencing, a lot of feels, and two repressed idiots. There’s like, a paragraph or two of smut but it’s pretty clear when it’s going to happen so it’s easy to skip, which is great. The tl;dr of this fic is Newt clones some kaiju, Hermann reminds him how fucking horrible of an idea that is, and everything more or less works out in the end.

Tea and Sympathy by osprey_archer (Torchwood, Owen Harper/Ianto Jones, 13k, Teen and Up)

Soon after Jack's disappearance, Owen takes sick. Ianto goes to check on him.

What you can expect: crabby doctors, put-upon Welshmen, and a fuckton of emotions that everyone is trying to ignore. Not particularly happy, but then, when is Torchwood ever? It’s good while it lasts, though.

Pareidolia by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim and The Black Tapes Podcast, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 102k, Mature)

It starts as a profile of paranormal investigator and professional skeptic Dr. Hermann Gottlieb. But it seems the further journalist Newt Geiszler delves into his cases, the more mysterious Dr. Gottlieb becomes. What is he hiding? What is he looking for? What is the truth? What is the difference between a journalist's idea of truth, and a scientist's?

Seeing is not believing. Believing is believing.

What you can expect: suspense, mystery, horror, pining, and apocalypse cults, with a dash of an ambiguous ending. I love this fic so much. I literally would stop what I was doing to read it when I got an alert that there was an update when it was still a work in progress.

Meet Me There Across The Water, And We’ll Start An Endless Storm by Skepticamoeba (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann, an honorably discharged veteran has retired to continue working as a Keeper at a Lighthouse. It is perfectly solitary, and with little in the way for incidents. Newton is the sailor that washes up on the seashore after a summer storm.

[Late 19th century Lighthouse Keeper AU--or the one where Hermann was an aspiring artist whose dreams got a bit derailed, and Newt is the sailor that needs to learn to take his time with things.]

What you can expect: the pining........the intricate rituals............the denial.........*chef’s kiss*

and I couldn’t whisper when you needed it shouted by Lvslie (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 24k, Teen and Up)

He still smells like Newt; bears traces of his recent nearness. Clothes sleep-wrinkled from the proximity, from the way Newt’s ankle has during the night hooked around the calf of Hermann’s good leg and dragged his whole body seamlessly closer. Cheek half-flushed from the face unconsciously nuzzled his into the side of Hermann’s neck—evidence of his presence, fast asleep, as Hermann lay still and fretful for hours an end, staring at the ceiling and feeling sick with wanting.

[An early 20th century AU inspired loosely by Maurice and Age of Innocence.]

What you can expect: wistfulness, pining, repression, denial, lots of feelings. You’ll probably tear up. There’s an achingly happy ending for both of them. This is one of the fics I want a hard copy of so I can mark it up because, fuck, I love it so much.

leave the car running by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 1k, Teen and Up)

It is clear that, after everything, Newt doesn't like to be touched.

What you can expect: touch starvation, mutual pining, Newt finally getting the human contact he deserves. I wrote my own version of this since it was initially a prompt, but quite frankly, I like Newton’s version better because it hits.

The Man Who Invented Sherlock Holmes by Calais_Reno (Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, 15k, Teen and Up)

John Watson, struggling young doctor, doomed to live an ordinary life, dreams of writing detective fiction. If he can just figure out his hero's name, the story will practically write itself.

What you can expect: Watson sort of, kind of, maybe invents a man into being. Oops. I haven’t read this one in a while but I remember it being quite a lot of fun. There’s elements of what I would say is probably magical realism, but it’s never quite clear.

Newton Isn’t Dead by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb and Vanessa Gottlieb/Karla Gottlieb, 32k, Mature)

Newton Geiszler is currently being possessed by a genocidal alien race known as the Precursors. They’ve taken over his body, leaving him a prisoner in his own mind. However, Newt has a totally awesome plan. He’s going to make a deal with them: let him prove that Earth is worth saving, and if he can’t do that, they can have his body. But convincing a hivemind full of mega-colonizers that one blue planet can be wonderful isn’t going to be easy. He’s going to need the help of his kind-of-ex Hermann, his best friend Vanessa, and one awesome Footloose remake to pull this off.

So, naturally, they go on a road trip.

What you can expect: pining, world-saving, eventual confessions and happy endings. I had the great honour of reading the chapters before they were published, and this fic is one of my top five favourite fics. There were multiple points where I yelled, both literally (quietly) and through text (slightly less quietly).

it takes time, but time moves slow by prettydizzeed (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 2k, Teen and Up)

Hermann conducts a cost-benefit analysis every class period of sitting in the back of the lecture hall versus walking down the stairs to the front. He wishes he had hard data for this, to get some actual statistics, and perhaps after a while, if he records his pain level and his ability to read the board and pay attention after each class, he will be able to predict the outcomes given either choice on a particular day.

Two curves, traveling in opposite directions, inversely proportional: pain goes up, concentration goes down. It’s comforting, somewhat, to make it a numbers game. Impersonal. Absolute. Not a tragedy, and not his doing, only his to interpret, a smudged scrawl across his left knee in an unfamiliar handwriting, his to analyze, to decrypt.

What you can expect: the fic may only be 2k, but it will leave you feeling like you were punched. It’s fantastic.

I Could Be Jew-ish For You by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 10k, Teen and Up)

When Hermann agrees to spend Chanukah with his family in an attempt to wheedle some desperately-needed funding out of his father, Newt insists that he shouldn’t face Lars alone and tags along as his “emotional support family rage distraction”. What they fail to realize are two things: 1. When Hermann brings Newt with him to the festivities, assumptions will be made, and 2. Newt may be half-Jewish, but he sure wasn’t raised as one.

What to expect: fake dating fake dating fake dating— (can you tell I have a favourite trope?) In which Newt is Jew-ish, Hermann is both exasperated and pining, Lars is disliked, and we all get the Jewish romcom we deserve.

It Was Love At Second Sight by rednights (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 35k, Teen and Up)

Hermann receives the first letter when he is eighteen years old.

or: Kaiju don't attack the Earth, but Hermann and Newt still write letters, botch their first meeting, and fall in love, not necessarily in that order.

What you can expect: feels. So many fucking feels. There’s no kaiju but that doesn’t mean you won’t be on the edge of your seat.

hello my old heart by firebirdsuite (The Magnus Archives, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims, 15k, Teen and Up)

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

What you can expect: tenderness, domesticity, and love. The perfect trifecta.

the truth about me (and the truth about me) by danimagus (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 11k, Teen and Up)

Newton suffers from a bout of memory loss and is told Hermann is his fiancé.

Hermann plays along, to his endless shame.

What you can expect: two words: fake dating. Gods, I love this fic, as Mary can attest from how I unceremoniously started screaming at her about it in her tumblr messages the day of/after it was published. This fic is great because it subverts the trope a bit, and thus avoids issues of consent that may otherwise have occured.

speak right to my heart without saying a word by thekaidonovskys (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 13k, General Audiences)

“Your eyes. Your expression. Your smile. I’ve worked with you for ten years, Hermann, and words have never been our primary method of communication.”

What you can expect: to be knocked the fuck out emotionally. This one hits pretty hard, and that’s what makes it so good.

Transducer by hal_incandenza (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 85k, Teen and Up)

“I need you to hide something for me.”

“Oh, excellent. Of course, Newton, please allow me to jeopardize my career. And yours as well. My pleasure. Do go on.”

“Yeesh, relax,” said Newton. “It’s a personal thing, not a work thing.”

“As if there is any division between the two,” Hermann snapped.

If only you knew, Newt thought.

What you can expect: intruigue, alien tech, light espionage. This fic will have your little nerd heart beating double-time. It’s very very good.

A Really Private Person by astolat (Person of Interest, Harold Finch/John Reese, 18k, Mature)

The end of the world started on a Wednesday in March.

What you can expect: badassery on Finch’s part. One of the few fics I have bookmarked for this fandom, and it’s bookmarked for good reason.

Party For Two by ProblemWithTrouble (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 18k, General Audiences)

“My mother’s parents have a home in the Black Forest that has a guest house. They’ve often allowed me to stay there when I could spare the time.” Hermann looked distant as if he were remembering something; the warmth of a fire and a nice book and the smell of freshly made tea. “It will be quiet, and possibly too boring for you-”

“It won’t be. I could use some quiet after the decade we’ve had. I could actually compile my research. And sleep. It sounds amazing.”

After the world doesn't end Newt and Hermann take a vacation together to live in a cabin and finally relax, as friends. Cue the pining, the longing, and the living together as best friends.

What you can expect: a fic that will wrap you up like a warm blanket. Mutual pining, vacationing together in a cabin, lots of feels—what more can you want?

Dream Drifting by MooseLane (Pacific Rim and Inception, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 5k, General Audiences)

"You're running an extraction on that spastic PPDC biologist, is what I hear." Chau fixes him with a side-eye. "I know I wouldn't want to go poking around in that little bastard's head."

(There are not enough Inception x Pacific Rim crossover fics, so I decided to change that.)

What you can expect: Inception meets Pacific Rim. There’s no other way to say it, really.

I’ve Got Nothing To Do Today But Smile (The Only Living Boy In New York) by gyzym (Inception, Arthur/Eames, 19k, Teen and Up)

Arthur's a corporate lawyer, Eames owns the coffee shop across the street, and all good love stories start with a quadruple shot latte.

What to expect: Arthur is stressed, Eames runs a coffee shop, and, through the power of friendship and a lot of stress-baking, everything works out happily for our intrepid protagonist.

Kalimat/كلمات by rainbowagnes (The Old Guard, Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicolò di Genova, 3k, Teen and Up)

Yusuf translates medical texts for Niccolò from Greek and Persian into Arabic, and Niccolò spots the substratum of the ideas of the classical authors that he had once believed the basis of his own civilisation that he would go to the sword to defend, translated and passed down and sewn into a no longer foreign script. There are words Yusuf does not know how to translate. They will never, ever know all of the words. The prospect is thrilling. --- It takes Niccolò lifetimes to learn Arabic.

What you can expect: if you, like me, are, especially natively, multilingual, this might hit the sweet spot of Language Feels. It did for me. Also, Joe calling Nicky hayati? Yeah.

i never liked that ending either by Macremae (Pacific Rim, Newton Geiszler/Hermann Gottlieb, 15k, Mature)

You want a better story. Who wouldn’t? - Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

Once upon a time Dr. Flick Tucker, K-Sci head of Biology, fought a bunch of highly scientific dragons to save the world. Then, they took over her life. It didn’t end well.

Once upon our time Dr. Newt Geiszler, marine biologist, sci-fi aficionado, and accidental discoverer of dimensional travel, got a chance to take her place. He has a couple of ideas.

In which Uprising is still a bad movie, musings on the nature of choice and personal autonomy are made, and somewhere, probably, a coin is showing heads every time.

What you can expect: everything’s fine this is a perfectly normal fic come here i want to cause you as much emotional damage as I can

Not Allowed by acedott (BBC Merlin, Gwen/Morgana, 1k, General Audiences)

Gwen has been dealing with self-imposed touch starvation since she was a child. Morgana sets out to challenge this.

What you can expect: gays. Pining. Touch starvation. Need I say more?

Rocky Horror Pancake Show by ChuckleVoodoos (Daredevil, Matt Murdock/Franklin “Foggy” Nelson, 19k, Teen and Up)

Foggy falls asleep at exactly 12:00 AM, and he’s making a wish. He wakes up at 12:00 AM too—twenty-four hours before he fell asleep.

"Let's do the time warp again!"

What you can expect: Ground-hog Day style time-loop, lots of fluff, and a happy ending.

Ain’t No Nancy Kerrigan by cleverqueen (DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, Leonard Snart/Mick Rory, 13k, Teen and Up)

It's 1994, and young Lisa Snart's jumps aren't strong enough for an Olympic singles skater. Thankfully, her older brother has an athletic friend who can match her in pairs.

Mick Rory is hopelessly in love with Leonard Snart, though he'd never say anything about it, so he jumps at a chance to do Len's little sister a favor. If he's patient and works hard, maybe he'll even get to skate with her older brother.

What you can expect: pining, ice-skating, and general goodness. It’s fun, it’s funny, and it has a happy ending.

#rec list #ask #a good 40% of these are mutual pining but really who's surprised. i love a good mutual pining fic #hopefully all these links work because i spent. an inordinate amount of time compiling this.#let me know if any of the links need to be changed #c.txt

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ashenpages · 4 years ago

Text

Current Fic Ideas & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer that I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my fics will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah. This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍 These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea.

Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon always play rock-paper-scissors after a big heist to decide who’ll give the group a striptease, and who will get showered with money. Based on a piece of fanart that is basically this sequence of events in a 4koma (except in their version Jigen loses and in mine, it’s Goemon). (written, just needs editing)

Zenigata cuffs Lupin four times, and Lupin steals his heart. Very NSFW conclusion. Zenigata is the most caring lover you’ll ever find. Lupin is as thirsty as usual and twice as intense. (written, just needs editing)

Jigen protects Lupin from poison darts during a treasure hunt in an Aztec temple, and Lupin nurses him back to help--forcibly, since Jigen is a horrible patient. Born from my desire to spoil Jigen and talk about what ridiculous domestic husbands these two are. (WIP)

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes)

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy: 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

#sonic the hedgehog #Lupin III #persona 5 #Devil May Cry #Hades Game #Castlevania #fma #Breath of the Wild #age of calamity

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morethanonepage · 4 years ago

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everything divisible by 3

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

hmmm i’m not sure what stands out most for other people but when i read my own fic, the thing i find most genuinely funny is when i slip and throw in some vocab or sentence construction that’s obviously from ~my day job. my absolute favorite example of this is from a sex scene:

(a million years ago, in college, i took a lit class that was like, literature for STEM majors or w/e, looking at books from a more scientific perspective, and we read dr jekyll and mr. hyde and did a whole thing about how Robert Louis Stevenson had studied engineering so a lot of his work has elements of like -- the conservation of matter & the forces required to do something, etc, etc. so i’ve always been a little charmed by the idea that as a ~writer~ certain other aspects of my background show up sometimes, entirely by accident.)

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

Coming up with plots that i then never write.

But yeah in general I’m good at like, plotting out an AU (or even an in-world) fic that could be interesting, and posting about it vaguely, and then doing absolutely nothing with it.

When it comes to things I actually DO write -- idk nothing comes easily but sex scenes are actually much easier (if more embarrassing) for me to actually get on paper (as it were) than almost anything else.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

i have trouble writing characters i just don’t like very much but feel like i have to include for some reason -- like rey is never my favorite character in a star wars fic but as i talked about recently, she’s so important to finn that it feels OOC to write finn and not have her around in some capacity. but i have a hard time getting a read on her/her voice so i uh. sometimes cheat and just have her off stage for most of the fic.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

I’m excited to have the massive oft-abandoned finnpoe AU done with! I call it the The West Wing/Bunheads mashup that -- literally no one would ever think of, why does it exist? who knows. But it features some political snarking and some explorations of race and sexuality and rose is really fun in it (imo) and there’s some good leia & poe vibes that aren’t them being like, replacement family for each other (since they still have actual families of their own). and i’m still working through it but there’s also an element of dealing with an issue that i’m still not over, i.e., the fact that leia is so relentlessly and obviously pushing poe into a leadership position when it really doesn’t seem to be what poe wants.

I’m also vaguely excited for some random johnchas stuff that I keep planning to write based on chastantine anons i’ve gotten -- I really hope those folks are still around and haven’t been scared off by how -- slow I am at writing anything.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

Les Mis lmfao. Like Les Mis fandom is so fucking wild on every front -- so, so wanky -- and i felt like a total outsider the whole time i was in it. there’s some good valvert stuff but for the most part, man, i’m glad to be out of it.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

Oooh tie between the John Constantine/Jake Peralta things (WHY) and the John/Chas/Trenchcoat fic, bc also, WHY.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

Shamefully, it’s still John & Chas. Like I can’t even really say why -- the show is so long ago, none of the new stuff John is in really deals with it, but I just -- i’m love them, your honor!!!

they just idk hit the exact right vibe that i like, to wit:

1) Friends to lovers

2) Foundational angst

3) Inability to speak of Feelings on both sides (so I don’t have to do the exhausting “Pls talk to me!!!”/”No I SHAN’T” fights)

4) Size difference

5) Unabashed physicality (which ties into...

6) The fact that they don’t talk but have a lot of FEELINGS and at least one of them is really into sex means they theoretically would eff a lot but not talk about it and idk i just enjoy that

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

One shots. I find chaptered works so stressful -- I try to NEVER post anything multichapter without having completed the whole thing (every single time I’ve tried to post something that’s still a WIP, with the assumption that ‘well i know where this is going it’ll be easy enough to get the next chapter up within the week’ i have NEVER succeeded in finishing).

But since I don’t start posting till i’m done, it’s hard to get the motivation to finish, bc I’m not getting the necessary praise and attention that I really bank on to have the motivation to keep going.

And even when I DO finish, the new stress becomes -- how often should i post chapters? how often should i read & respond to comments? if the comments seem to suggest readers believe something is going on that’s NOT what’s going on, should I tell them? Or should I change the fic according to those comments? Or should I not read ANY comments till it’s done?

Or -- and this is usually how exhausted i am with the whole process -- should I just post the whole 60,000 word fic at once, and leave it at that?

One shots are the best. NONE of those stressors. A nice, solid, 10k word one shot that has some smut and some plot and some angst and some fluff is -- the ideal.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

Someone once said that john/chas shippers were lucky to have me in the fandom and i just about cried.

also:

In general I just get such lovely comments -- someone once said one of my john/chas fics felt like “something that would’ve happened on the show” (god bless them, bc it did not, but isn’t it pretty to think so), and one time someone was surprised at how few kudos a finnpoe fic of mine had bc they’d liked it so much. that sort of thing always makes my day.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

i’m all about the (un)happy medium -- a bittersweet moment of fluff that acknowledges the inherent/unavoidable angst of existence. but i don’t like to write characters actively suffering in very -- in your face ways. i like inner turmoil that is repressed/ignored and is always just about to be unleashed (but usually isn’t).

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

i mean i feel bad for always complaining about how hard writing is for me -- like, the privilege of being able to write at all is very real, so for me to bitch that it requires effort seems a bit douchey. but writing is genuinely very rough going for me, partly because i’m always kind of embarrassed about it, partly bc given how hard i am on other people’s writing, i’m in some ways EVEN HARDER on my own. but for all that whining i do -- get genuine joy out of completing a fic, and having it be enjoyed by others. i really am so glad to bring -- any kind of moment of happiness (or, if the fic calls for it, sadness or melancholy) to others.

#writing meme #jessicamiriamdrew

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sadboinikko · 4 years ago

Text

What Happened To Small Bob?

We see a lot of artists and writers including the little skeleton cat in moments with Nico, but I can’t exactly remember what truly happened to that cat.

I know he was in Tartarus with his namesake, Bob the titan, but did he ever leave?

Tomorrow, I’m planning on going through the House of Hades and Blood of Olympus books for an honest to god answer to my internal dilemma.

But, for now, I’m going to skim through what my memory can recall. Both about the books, when he’s mentioned, and the fanfics/artwork that include Small Bob.

I remember that Small Bob is the result of Atlas using a Saber-tooth tiger tooth, which failed because he was trying for a dino if I recall. Atlas destroyed them, and that was that until Bob found him in Tartarus. As far as I recall, we don’t see Small Bob after Percy and Annabeth leave Tartarus.

I’m an avid fanfic reader, I’ve been doing so for around 2-3 years now. This account itself is more than 2 years old. I was also originally in very few fandoms. To name them, Harry Potter, Voltron, and Percy Jackson.

I was originally on Wattpad and Fanfic.net, but a lot of fanfic haunts me there. Though I still have an old account. So I’m going to talk about what, according to the ones I’ve read, the majority of them include. They usually try including them when it’s Nico or Percy centric, bringing Small Bob back for some angst/fluff.

Small Bob is usually there to be a cute pet, when he’s included. And they keep his skills/personality basic. I know he’s a cat/tiger but animals have personalities too.

He's never mentioned in combat, although I think he fought monsters with Bob. He never does anything outside of helping to make Percy/Nico happy.

Using a slightly more specific user, Takara Phoenix, they include a bunch of characters throughout their works. They don’t include Small Bob in all of their fics, though when they do Small Bob is a tiny, domesticated cat. Now, I’m not hating. I love Takara and have been obsessed with their work for a long time. They were one of the people who inspired me to just go out and write my stories. I had bad anxiety about posting stuff, even through an anon account.

This isn’t about me though. We’re talking about Small Bob.

Now, I’m going to do a brief skim of google. 1st source I’m going to go through is the Riordan Wiki. a few things catching my attention is that we have no clue how Small Bob truly got to Tartarus, Small Bob was the last survivor of the Saber-Tooth’s, and Small Bob can switch through forms.

A small snippet directly from the Wiki says, “His fate afterward is currently unknown but like Bob and Damasen, he was presumably destroyed by Tartarus for his actions.”

Now, I’m going to talk about the first three before I get to that last snippet. We get an assumption from Percy that when Atlas told his servants to take the Saber-Tooth’s away, they were sent to Tartarus. Though it’s just an assumption. What Percy thinks isn’t solid evidence.

Though we have nothing else to use. So for now, we can only assume that Small Bob was sent to Tartarus by Atlas.

Next, Small Bob is the last surviving tiger from the Smithsonian Museum. I can’t recall the exact number that were created. Maybe 4? Anyways, if we’re assuming what we did earlier, we know they were all sent to Tartarus. So, what happened to them. Did they actually die in Tartarus? Were they just separated? The wiki doesn’t say.

Since it’s unlikely that Small Bob was the only one to survive. I am going to assume that they were just separated and no one truly knows how many survived.

Thirdly, Small Bob has 2 forms. A small, kitten form as I’ll call it, and a second large, tiger form. His kitten form, I’m assuming, is likely what everyone writes when they write Small Bob. A kitten who isn’t that strong, who is just a baby. His second form is actually something I barely recalled, if at all. It’s his attack form. He’s large, strong, not as cuddly as his tiny self is.

It’s very interesting to realize that people don’t remember or don’t prefer this large, tiger form. Because then you realize, because so many people don’t mention it or talk about it, I almost forgot it existed.

And for the final segment of the Wiki, we’re going to talk about Small Bob’s unknown ending. The wiki says that it’s unknown what happened to the saber-tooth. He could have died. Like the person who wrote this Wiki Page said. Tartarus could have destroyed them for ruining Gaea’s attempt at World Domination.

In reality, people who include Small Bob in work taking place after Tartarus are taking creative liberties. Which I fully support. I hate the idea that Small Bob died, even if it’s the most logical idea. I would love for someone to write a fic about Small Bob. Or to even include Small Bob.

Small Bob has his own tag, which only has 20 works on it. I can’t wait to go through it later, but for now, I’m writing this… whatever it’s classified as.

I did want to get through more, but there isn’t much to begin with.

There’s a Tumblr tag and Pinterest tags. But going through both briefly, we can see that they’re not very popular. Occasionally a few get popular and widespread, but those are few and definitely not as popular as some other tags get regularly.

There was this one Tumblr post about Bob and Small Bob, where they reform and get to the surface, meeting with an old Percabeth couple. I can’t find it currently, but if I do I’ll link it. It brings up his 2nd form and is quite sweet.

Link

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faejilly · 4 years ago

Text

I was tagged by @la-muerta & @facialteeth & @thedivinemissema for the WIP/Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

AND THEN by @shadoedseptmbr @msviolacea & @ravenclawnerd for the “stories you want to write... but for some reason haven’t yet”

so this will be a mish-mash of both? The WIPs will mostly have blurbs in this case (to fit the second meme) but you are still welcome to ask follow-up questions, if you’d like ;) Assuming you make it through the list, it is uh. Not Short.

Anyone who would like to play with their WIPs, please consider yourself tagged in either or both of these. :D

Misc Fic Folder:

“untitled document” - where I’m working on fictober fills so I have word-counts for my GYWO tracker. I am not working on these because Brains Are Dumb and also Going Back To Work Is Exhausting

I made a file called “YULETIDE!” which has nothing in it but I’m determined to finish this year so that is definitely technically a thing in the Unending WIP List of Doom worth mentioning. (Tho obviously that’s all I could say even if I had started, because anonymous.)

“coda-fics, rewatch!” -yes, that exclamation mark is important! it’s to keep me motivated! (it didn’t work). Much like untitled, this is for putting stuff so I can do word count tracking even if I don’t know what I’m doing. Currently I think it just says “MARYSE” because I was working on my SH 1x6 coda-fic and then got distracted and haven’t typed anything up yet. (Yay notebooks? Boo notebooks? Not even sure at this point.)

WNIP (works not in progress) Folder:

“TOG” - I had one vivid mental image of how Nicky & Joe met (blood-stained evil smiles?) but then no idea for a follow-up story and also the fandom is insane and I’m not sure I want to deal with all of *gestures vaguely* all that

“Shan Xia Notes” -for a TTRPG that never quite got off the ground; she was a semi-tragic selkie who was still in love with the evil queen/lady who stole her skin and I got to play her for like one session and she was surprisingly chaotic neutral, which wasn’t at all what I’d been expecting. But the game never really got off the ground, so I never had enough info to really delve into writing backstory fic

“post-Kruschev” -Kruschev’s List was the last episode of Scarecrow & Mrs King, and I was debating writing an epilogue in place of the s5 we never got, to try and tie up some loose ends, but the fandom’s three old-ladies in trench coats and I never quite worked up the gumption to get it anywhere

“Code Realize warm as silk sequel” -there is literally nothing in this file except “SEX! Only a little angst” because I wanted to write some “we can’t actually touch each other” smut but never actually did. 🤷‍♀️

BioWare (also all Not-In-Progress Anymore)

“seb/adelaide”, “Theia” & “DAI Erana” -these WIP folders were cannibalized for ficlets for the last few times I did fictober, and while originally I had ideas for longer epilogues for all three of them, at this point I don’t think any of the remaining bits could support a story any longer.

”whispers in the dark” -Maia Ryder never really got much fic at all; the cancellation of any further Andromeda stuff was really disheartening, and at this point I’d have to play the game again, and I don’t think I’m gonna manage that any time soon

”TSP” -a Mass Effect 3 Shepard AU collab project that kind of went off the rails, and our mutual brains/lives never quite seem to line up so we can try and rebuild it ”Ngaio & Tane” -my one truly ruthless Shepard (Alliance background, who romanced Traynor) whose father Tane Shepard was, I think, in PsyOps, and I wanted to figure out their complicated relationship but never really did know where I was going with it

”JE Zu & Yaling” -so I’ve rambled about my Tragic Sagacious Zu Romance Thoughts regarding Jade Empire more than once (#Icy Yaling should have most of it) but apparently I want to yell about it more than I want to actually write it? Whoops.

”CI sequel: 5 times fic?” -Cruel Intentions is a kinkmeme fill that I started and then it sat for like five years before I actually finished it, and I liked the ending, but it does leave a giant fucking question mark in terms of how those people got from there to where they are after the game, and I kind of wanted to write a proper h/c fic rather than just... leaving them wallowing in all that trauma?

But I didn’t. I don’t even remember for sure how I wanted to frame the 5/1 of it all, besides it being something sad about allowing people to see you or touch you in some way. (Prayers maybe, since I think there was definitely some Sebastian & Fenris & faith stuff going on in there.)

“candles” -Merribela prompt fill that I never was happy with? Not sure what I might do with it at this point, so it’s just sitting there all sad and lonely and neglected-like.

Shadowhunters

pt1: WIP LIST ONLY

“Persuasion” -so I keep trying to write Persuasion AUs in many fandoms because it’s my favorite Austen, but I think I like it too much, I have no real solid concept of how I’d transform it, and if I don’t have anything else to say about different characters within that framework, I have no push to actually write anything? Also this SH version of it suffered from MASSIVE scope creep when I started outlining and it got too big for me to handle so I like, killed it twice? Whoops. This one is really probably never gonna happen.

“oosdt sequel” -I wanted to write more about the Forest That Eats People and Magnus & Alec as Guardians Between Worlds, and also some background Magnus’ Found Family & Lightwood Family Feels (maybe some clizzy?) and I left a Madzie plot-thread dangling from the first one on purpose even but I think this one had too many ideas and not enough focus so it’s sort of sprawling all over a doc with a lot of “???” in it

“procedural-ish” -this was originally going to be a sex-farce. and then it turned more serious. and then maybe kind of copaganda which was uncomfortable in terms of the Everything That Is The News in 2020, and then maybe it was more a Mafia AU and at that point I had self-inflicted tone whiplash and I wished the voices in my head were a little more forthcoming about their plans so I stopped before I brained myself on my computer monitor in frustration.

“I had rather a rose than live forever” -I started a reverse!verse Malec (Shadowhunter!Magnus, High Warlock!Alec) for bingo last year, and I couldn’t quite get it together in time, so I made a moodboard inspired by the bits I’d started instead. I may see if one of my prompts from Bingo this year help me finish it?

“fall fright fest (practical magic au)” -exactly what it says on the tin! almost exactly a year old & neglected! IDEK ANYMORE (I talked about this one with the WIP meme last time tho: here)

“priest!kink theology?” -I thought it was gonna be smut? I like priest!kink. I have made other people like it and yell at me even! But then I kept diverging into demon!Magnus thinking about Priest!Alec’s faith and as usual, IDEK ANYMORE *laughs*

(If they’re remotely canon-adjacent or divergent, a bunch of these are in here because I need to rewatch the show to get the pacing/timing/tone right and I haven’t, and I don’t know why, because I enjoy the show, but BRAINS! Are Dumb! So I guess that’s it?)

“I do” -I have tried to write this damnable Malec arranged marriage fic like six different times. I have signed up for fic exchanges and bangs with it, I have rewritten massive sections, trying to change tone or structure or POV or whatever, and it basically comes down to they like each other too fast and I keep not gutting it enough to get back to a useful pace, but by the time I realized that I was on take six and kind of sick of it. I may get back to it eventually

“wing!fic” -canon divergent in early s1, trying to deal with the consequences of Simon’s kidnapping as the Truly Serious Event that it should have been. It uh. Got heavier than I expected with those consequences (considering it was originally just supposed to be Alec’s wings flirting with Magnus) and also see above re: rewatching for pacing.

“2x20 aftermath/date night/pandemonium porn“ -yes that is the actual wip title. It used to be “spite fic” because I was originally inspired by fighting against a lot of fic!Alec characterization that was clearly based more on the books and ATG syndrome than the Alec in the show, which is the Alec I know and like and want to read about. BUT, pacing and etc. again, I think. Also I have somehow entirely lost my knack for writing porn, which makes it difficult to finish something originally intended to be smut!fic. Or even teasing almost!smut.

“rubbish heap” -so this is about three different fics that I realized complemented each other really well so they’re now all in the same file as I try to turn them into the sequel of “with an if in its soul”. It includes amnesia, parabatai lore shenanigans, a s3 rewrite, and some truly awful Owl adjustments that make me wince in horrified authorly delight and pain. BUT, as with the other ones in this file, the scope is large and I normally write short-fic and I kind of just threw up my hands in exasperation. I may have to break it back up into the three different fics instead, if I ever actually want to write it. Them? But also I need to take better notes on s3 to make sure I have what I need in here.

SH Pt 2: Started posting or not yet in hiatus because it’s actually almost ready to be a thing in the real world! maybe!?

“kisses (firsts)” -I actually started publishing this one, a “series of firsts” that was supposed to be kind of relationship milestones and kind of an excuse for smut, and then there wasn’t that much smut and I lost momentum and also dear lords & ladies the timeline is stupid, wtf. I may not ever add to this one, tbqh. It doesn’t stop in a terrible place, and they’re all ficlets so they stand alone all right.

“clizzy epilogue” -this is blank atm, it’s more a reminder for me to keep poking away at my “girls who can’t breathe air, only fire” collection BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY GET TO THE CLIZZY AT SOME POINT

"mer!alec" -pts 2-4 of a series, but apparently having an actual plan gets in the way of me *writing* the thing, and I haven't managed to throw the half an outline far enough away from my brain to be able to write again. Or something like that.

"ibhww" -if broken hearts were whole is a soulmate fic I started a million years ago, and purposefully set aside to finish some other WIPs because I thought they'd be quick, and now it's just buried under two and a half years of regret and shame so it's hard to get back to it

"iafy" -i am for you is a delightful & frothy semi-epistolary fluff piece that also just lost momentum because Life & 2020 & etc. It's far and away the most popular thing I've ever posted on AO3, which also makes me feel weird sometimes, and I feel like the fact that there's no grand conclusion planned, just a bit more fluff and settling in, might end up being disappointing? Basically, it's the first time I think I've psyched myself out about reader expectations, and until I get over that I'm going to have trouble finishing the last couple chapters. (There really are probably only two more chapters though. IT’S SO CLOSE, I wish I could just... write it. And yet?)

“fake-hating” -I do not like fake dating as a trope that much, I just do not get it, but I love outside POVs and arranged marriages and there’s this delighful tumblr post about how they wished there was more fic about people who were together but had to pretend they werent’, and uh. This may be that? Eventually? I’m not exhausted by my failure to finish it yet, so it’s still in the regular folder rather than the hiatus folder, even though nothing’s been posted for it.

AND I THINK THAT’S IT?

Not as terrible as it could be, but still. MANY WORDS THAT MAY NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. Posting the equivalent of one’s old ratty sketchbook is always a weird feeling. :D

#on writing #writing memery #unending WIP List Of Doom

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unsettledink · 4 years ago

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Back in the days of LJ, I used to try and do a post at the end of each year, looking back primarily at fandom and fic. I fell out of the habit when everything moved to tumblr, and then it seemed like I didn’t have anything to say since I wasn’t writing or really participating any.

But I always liked the idea of it, because I love to be overly reflective on stuff. And talk about my fic. Any excuse! I shuffled around some of the topics I used back then and added a few I’ve seen around that I liked. It got… long, because I TALK, so I split into two sections.

Your main fandom of the year?

Marvel (MCU) for sure. Primarily with characters from Spider-Man and Iron Man movies.

Your favorite film watched this year?

The Old Guard - I saw a couple trailers and everything about it looked like catnip. ‘It’s probably going to be so dumb, but I don’t even care,’ I thought. And then it was so good. It was so much fun and so much smarter than I expected and I loved each and every character and it just made me happy in so many ways.

Your favorite book read this year?

Red, White, and Royal Blue, Casey McQuiston - I read it twice this year actually. It’s so… cute isn’t the right world. Sweet and hopeful and soft and comforting and intense. I liked every single character which is pretty rare. I cried during the sad parts and then again at the happy ending, like straight up sobbed - both times. I already want to read it again.

Your favorite tv show watched this year?

Schitt’s Creek - I started it on a whim and because a lot of people had said it was good. The episodes were short so it wasn’t a huge time investment. The first season was a little rough, but there were enough funny moments that I hung on, and then… I kept getting fonder and fonder of these idiots as they grew. And THEN… it kept not disappointing me?

You grow to expect certain scripts, twists, jokes, especially in queer story lines. To wait for the bad thing to happen, because it always does. Instead, Schitt’s Creek kept going, ‘hey, here’s the set up for that! Guess what? We’re not doing it. Here’s the happy version instead.’ The relief of having that happen again and again - the last season I’ve watched (I’m sort of saving 6) I cried a bunch but it was always because I was happy.

Your favorite album or song to listen to this year?

1896 - I’ve been waiting for the new Steam Powered Giraffe album so eagerly for aaaaaages. Finally getting recordings of Zero’s songs! Lying Awake remains my favorite off the album, with Eat Your Heart and Bad Days on the Horizon high up there as well. I’m loving what Zero brings to the band.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?

I don’t know if I really did discover that much? I stuck pretty closely to old fandoms and the ones I picked up in 2019. Maybe Zodiac? It was definitely inspiring, and I want to write and read more in it.

Maybe the couple discords I joined? I still really dislike discord and am not on there much, and mostly lurk when I am, but having somewhere vaguely like the comms I remember makes me feel a little less isolated. It’s the potential, that maybe if I said something I might make a friend, or someone might actually want to hear what I say.

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?

The Watch - I mean, I knew it was going to be a disaster with every word said during pre production. I wasn’t ever going to be happy with it. And then it came out and was even worse and uglier and … disrespectful not just of the source material but of actual people connected to Terry. I’m beyond disappointed that this is what we got, and it’s probably going to be a long time before we get anything else.

Devil All the Time was terrible, but I didn’t have especially high hopes. It still didn’t manage to meet them. Yikes.

The most missed of your old fandoms?

Maybe MASH? Someone I follow started talking about it and I was reminded all over again of the wonderful fics in that fandom. I went looking and a lot are gone (still on my computer, lol, but not online), but rereading was such a trip. A slightly depressing trip, but still.

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?

Hmm. I’ve kind of not had the energy to invest in other fandoms at the moment? When The Witcher was having it’s big moment back in January, I had a feeling I might enjoy it enough to fall headfirst into the fandom, so I avoided watching it. Ikr? I don’t have the time or the energy to actively seek anything out.

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?

SO EXCITED about Winter’s Orbit. I mean, the third Spider-Man movie for sure, with worry. The second Venom movie, ugh yes. I have tentative hopes for Jungle Cruise? Jumanji was stellar and I always enjoy Dwayne. I have both hope and dread for the new Suicide Squad - I did love Birds of Prey, so if it’s along those lines, yay. The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard because it should be some fun garbage, my favorite kind. I don’t know how I feel about Dune, but, uh, I’m anticipating it. It seems highly unlikely it will actually happen, but The Wheel of Time TV series.

I want to be excited about Black Widow but it’s hard. It’s not the story I’ve been wanting to see, and I’m angry about Natasha not getting a movie until she’s dead.

You know. If any of it is released for real.

The Good:

I moved to a better place. I got a better paying, better benefits, better environment job that lets me work from home. The house acquired 3-7 more cats depending on the month. I was able to get some serious problems on my car fixed. I have insurance and was able to start on some health stuff. No one I know got sick or died. I wrote a LOT.

The Bad:

Aside from the obvious? Depression hitting extra hard during the winter. Having to put two kittens to sleep. Have my car be hit three times in our parking lot. Being driven INSANE by one of the cats for months while the vets were all closed. Kidney stone. Dealing with several health problems. Stalling for months on Gotcha.

The Indifferent:

Not leaving the house often or easily. Enjoying a new fandom but not doing great at making connections (still real awkward, bud). Raising kittens and saying goodbye. Need new tires. Reading a lot of fic but not a lot of books. Having more pay but more expenses as well (wth insurance??).

2020 fic stats

Number of stories: 39

Number of fandoms: 6? Or 2, if you cluster the others under mcu

Total number of words: 152049

Average word count per story: 4kish

Longest fic: Causality (18k, P/Q)

Shortest fic: Can’t, Won’t (1k, P/Q)

Most comments received: Sieche (49, T/P)

Fandom you wrote the most of: MCU Spider-Man - I only wrote TWO fics that didn’t feature that fandom, wow. And one of those was still MCU.

Fandom you wrote the least of: Zodiac (1!)

Events you participated in: Marvel Trumps Hate, Kinktober, IornspidersGeorg Exchange, Starker Festivals Exchange, MCU Secret Santa, Spiderio Big Bang

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

SO MUCH MORE OMG. I mean, even just counting posted stuff! (I probably wrote a solid 300k of Gotcha this year.) I did not expect or plan on doing Kinktober, so that’s a whole 31 fics right there. I also wasn’t planning on doing any exchanges - I have a History - but then I did three? And beyond that, I did not expect for everything to get so LONG.

Topic you wrote that you would never have predicted in January:

Tony/Quentin. Goddammit @the-me09 They were like hey, they could be interesting! And while I agreed, I had no ideas for them. THEN they had to go and write Just Bodies That Collide and next thing I know, I’ve got ten fics featuring them and two-six series focused on them or Peter/Quentin/Tony. What the fuck.

Leitmotif of the year:

Vulnerability, I think. I had a bunch of things typed up and they all circle back to vulnerability in the end; sex, being seen, being wanted, sharing trauma, asking for help, trying something new. Offering a soft spot in the hopes it won’t be hurt.

Favorite character to write about:

Tony Stark, for sure. There are just a bunch of slightly different takes, and a lot of canon to work with (kind of frustrating too though). And I’m a sucker for emotionally damaged snarky traumatized characters that are viewed poorly both in universe and out.

Favorite kind of fic to write:

This year? Fluff and smut combined. Maybe that’s not the right term really. I keep looking for and writing, even in the angstiest fics, for those soft moments. Sure, maybe it’s a super smutty kink scene, but I want the affection to be obvious. Maybe everyone is consumed by guilt, but I want it to be based in caring too much. Maybe there’s no real love, just sex and even that’s messed up, but I want to find that tiny bit of fondness.

And I want happy endings. Or endings that look like they’re going to be happy, at least, even if there’s all the angst first. I don’t think I’ve killed anyone this year? Who AM I?

Biggest disappointment:

Not finishing the rough draft of Gotcha. I was making such good progress in 2019, from August to December. Even after the move, I basically finished part 6 in January. I fumbled around and fussed with 1 a lot, but that had already been given one draft, really, and I got through half of 4 before I slowed to a stop. I’ve barely gotten anything accomplished on it since June. Bits and pieces here and there, but nothing significant, not like I was doing. I can excuse October, due to 80k invested in Kinktober (yikes!), but aside from that… I’m sad. I’ll finish it eventually, but I really thought I could have the first draft done in a year. I’m sitting at about 480k out of what I’m almost certain will be 700k.

Biggest surprise:

Kinktober! It was kind of spur of the moment, decided just a week in advance. I’ve tried month long or even like, 20-25 day long challenges and I don’t think I’ve ever completed one. I thought there was a good chance I’d do so again, so I gave myself a little help and made my own list of prompts, things I knew I liked and hadn’t done much of yet. And it worked? I actually completed it, what the hell? Despite spending five days travelling near the end! Despite falling behind in getting ahead and writing a bunch of stories the day they were to be posted! Despite apparently forgetting how to do short form!

I, uh, could have done without the spawning of eleven series or sequels or continuations jfc WHY SELF.

Something you learned this year:

Ideas breed ideas. I swear to god, the second I sit down to think through a current idea, I wake up the next morning with three more.

Words need to be restocked. I need to consume new - not rereads, not fic - content every so often to refresh my word bank. It is astonishing how quickly writing goes again after I’ve done so.

I can write so much more than I thought I could. I can do so much more than I thought I could. Yes, I can complete challenges without dropping out early. Yes, I can do exchanges and not regret it. Yes, I can write more than 100k, more than 200k, more and more - and I can write 10k+ easily too. Though I wouldn’t mind if I could once again write less than 10k without feeling like I’ve cut off in the middle.

My time is shrinking, and if I want to write as much, I’m going to have to make the time. I can’t rely on three days off a week, on seven hours of uninterrupted overnight shifts, on hyper focused writing binges that leave everything else around me on fire.

Most memorable comment:

So, so many! I can’t pick one. I’ve been really lucky to get a bunch of really detailed, enthusiastic, analyzing comments across all different fics. One of the types that always sticks with me are the ones like ‘I didn’t think/know I liked this ship/kink/twist, but fuck, apparently I do? You made me, what the hell?’.

What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year?

So with writing Gotcha but not posting until it’s done, my view of what I’ve written vs anyone else’s is extremely skewed. I’m sitting here thinking, hey I’m 400k in and got another 10k done today, so much writing! While anyone looking at my AO3 account (for most of the year) is like, you’re averaging three months between fics :(

All that to say I want to try and get something posted more frequently while I’m working on Gotcha.

Also, writing for kinktober was really interesting - pushing myself to write every single day, often for that day’s post, forced me to get back into shorter form fic. Which used to be all I did? But it was surprisingly hard to just stop and not write more. So I’d like to challenge myself to write more fics under 10k at least. Maybe even under 5k though that might be asking a lot lol. I might get there with the many continuations of those fics I’d like to do. Does that count?

Goals:

I want to hit 365 fics. :) I’m only 32 away!

Aside from writing -

I’ve really enjoyed the reading record sideblog I started this year. I’ve let it lapse a little the past month or so, but I’d like to keep it going strong.

I’d like to leave a lot more comments. I want to get better about allowing imperfection - I want to write The Best Comment, but in the end? Probably 90% of fic writers are going to be happier with a comment expressing enjoyment in any way over no comment at all.

And not just on fics, but on general posts as well. It’s hard not to feel… weird and stupid and invasive and rude leaving any sort of comment on someone’s post if I don’t know them at least a little. I have godawful rejection sensitive dysphoria and a lot of interactions that ended poorly; I’m really not good at people. But as dumb as it feels to say those things, I know I am thrilled and warmed and happier when there’s a reblog with tags or a note or a comment or an ask or just, any small interaction that shows someone out there notices and cares, at least a little. There’s no reason I can’t at least try to offer that to other people.

I’d like to make/run a couple challenges of my own, later in the year. I’m still figuring out what I want to do and what I could do. I’m really interested in doing something that’s not focused on creators, but the readers; some sort of comment or rec challenge maybe.

I want to find a cheerleader for Gotcha. I’m struggling to keep up my motivation to write it when it’s already in my head, where I can ‘read’ it any time. There’s a line between depending too much on external validation and trying to generate all your validation yourself, and I’m getting to a point where I think I need to ask for help (gasp! The hardest thing EVER).

(Part Two: Pick Some Fics)

#end of year #unsettled rambles

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meganshinsou-tm · 5 years ago

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Crimson|Ink. (m)

↳ chapter ten: forgive me

❧ genre: tattoo-shop/hitmen au | tattoo artist/hitman kirishima

❧ fic warning: major character(s) death; happy ending

❧ chapter warnings: snakes

❧ chapter song: Forgive Me by Evanescence

♬crimson|ink playlist | ♧ character profiles | artist credit

[multi-chap masterlist] [previous chapter - next chapter]

Kirishima groaned as he threw a hardened punch, the sharp edges of his fist cutting through his victims flesh like butter. A few teeth flew out, along with a gush of dark red blood.

“I know I fucked up, you can get off my back about it!” He snarled.

Bakugou chuckled and wiped blood from his cheek before gearing up to land his own solid punch. Sheer brute strength was all he needed for his knuckles to break skin as they landed on a strong jaw, causing an agonized groan in return.

“Tch, acceptance is the first step. Now you just need to grow some balls and tell her!”

The two panted, red eyes staring back at each other, both covered in blood.

“Please, stop no more -” a voice choked out, causing both men to look at the battered and beaten victim they were using as a punching bag, a literal punching bag.

He was hanging upside down in an abandoned warehouse, swinging back and forth every time Kirishima and Bakugou laid into him. The man was what they deemed ‘the usual’, serial rapist and woman beater.

He had evaded law enforcement and heroes for quite a while, leaving them no other choice than to call in reinforcements, i.e. the The Shop.

After finally tracking down the man that not even the pros could catch, Bakugou and Kiri decided to give him a dose of his own medicine and let off a little steam of their own. As much as the blonde wanted to pulverize his numskull friend he decided to give him one last shot to fuck up before it came to that. And it goes without saying that Kirishima needed some kind of outlet to rage about what he had done.

“Bakugou, I can’t, look at us!”

Kirishima shouted, holding up his hands, showcasing the blood and bile dripping from them that wasn’t his own, but that of someone he was paid to kill, paid to be their executioner.

He was a monster, a chaotic good monster but nonetheless - a monster.

He could only imagine what you would think if only you knew what he was doing right now, no matter how disgusting and undeserving of life this criminal was. When Kirishima’s hands weren’t covered in black latex and ink, they were drenched in his own type of ink which was the blood of his targets.

“She doesn’t need this in her life, she doesn’t need all this violence and filth. That fucking -” he paused and sighed defeatedly, a hand combing through his hair, the blood on it slicking his already red hair to the side, “… that goddamn fucking smile of hers is the only clean and pristine thing any of us have anymore, it’s not right for us - for me to dirty it.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes.

“Don’t you think she should be deciding what she does and doesn’t need,” he replied before sending the body between them straight into Kirishima with a swift and hard kick, the sound of ribs cracking and agonized screams filling the ambiance.

“Look, that nightmare, those scars, those fucking burns, they’re all there for a reason and from the looks of it, a real shitty reason. You think you’re protecting her by doing the childish bullshit you’re doing but in reality you’re not. If anything she needs someone like you idiot, needs to know that you will protect her. I’m not stupid and I know you aren’t … to an extent. Her ex did that and she isn’t telling any of us a damn thing about it which puts up a lot of fucking red flags, if I had to bet, I’d bet she ran away from him and she’s hiding out meaning he’s looking for her.”

Bakugou paused for a moment, the sounds of screaming and incredulous pleading giving him a migraine.

With a growl he took the man’s head between his hands, “See you again in hell fucker,” he spout out before explosions erupted from his palms, obliterating the skull that was once there to messy pieces.

With a relieved sigh Bakugou stood straight and shucked the blood and brain matter from his hands and off his shirt as he walked to face Kirishima, fire-red eyes burning into him.

“What are you gonna do when he finds her huh - and takes her back, away from us, away from you.”

A car horn blaring as it passed by the shop caused Kirishima to jump.

His heart beating rapidly from the small scare. He groaned and let his head fall into his hands, foot tapping impatiently on the floor while he waited before the counter. He had been there for half an hour already, way earlier than he usually is, but he had to get there first, had to be the first one to see you.

Two full, excruciatingly long days had passed since he last saw or spoke to you. The image of your dull (e/c) eyes and face devoid of a smile burned into his brain, an image he never wanted to see again. Kirishima wanted to see you walking through the door, bright as ever, eyes sparkling and you overall radiating.

He missed you, god did he miss you.

Just walking into the shop that morning he could faintly smell your chocolaty scent, a scent he had grown so used to and even developed an addiction to. While Kirishima waited, his read eyes skimmed over your sketchpad that still remained on the counter by the shop computer.

Since joining them you took up an interest in learning how to draw and from the looks of it, you had promising skill. The book was filled with mostly just doodles and rough sketches of your favorite anime characters. There were random eyes and hands, flowers and animals here and there. A twinge of a smile crossed Kirishima’s face and he thought back to the multiple times he’d watch you sitting in the same spot he was, doodling away. (H/c) strands of hair falling into your face and your hand brushing and holding them out of the way, tongue in cheek, eyes focused. Sometimes you’d growl in aggravation from messing up and others you’d snicker to yourself at something off the wall you’re mind came up with. It was creepy to say but Kirishima really did enjoy just watching and admiring you from afar, lost in your own little world making these cute faces and sounds.

He chuckled and closed the sketchbook - fuck he missed you.

After his ‘heart to heart’ with Bakugou, Kirishima was more than ready to return to the shop. He was hellbent on apologizing from the moment you stepped foot through that front door.

The bell to that exact door rang suddenly, making his red eyes look up and dilate.

“Hey Red.”

A smile grew on Kirishima’s face, one razor sharp fang peeking out as he looked upon you. You wore black skinny jeans and a black hoodie, a long grey coat layered it. The hood was on your head and you removed the sunglasses, revealing those sparkling pools of (e/c). Your eyes squinted at him and a smile of your own grew, it couldn’t be helped and it made the red-head a puddle.

“Hey there little one.”

A gust of wind blew through the still open door and you shuddered, quickly closing it and getting covered in even more snow flakes. Kirishima couldn’t help but inhale that sweet scent he loved so much when it carried along with the wind and came his way. Not being able to take it anymore he had to ask.

“What is that?”

You looked up at him, dusting snow from your clothes and quirked a brow, “What is what?”

“That smell, whatever you wear almost every single day. It smells like chocolate.”

Giggling you pulled the hood from the hoodie down and shook like a dog.

“Sympathy for the Skin - it’s this lotion I use religiously and it’s pretty much engraved in my skin now. There’s all kinds of stuff in it, cocoa butter, almond oil, bananas and vanilla.”

Kirishima hummed and burned the name of the lotion into his memory.

“Well it smells really good - you smell really good.”

You smirked and leaned on the counter, arms crossed and tilting your head at him. “Are you trying to butter me up Kiri?”

The tattooed male chuckled and gently plucked a snowflake from your eyelash. “Maybe … is it working?”

Playfully, you rolled your eyes and tilted your head, gently motioning his hand away from your face before standing straight and going to walk into the kitchen.

“You’re something else Kirishima,” you mumbled.

Suddenly there was a hand around your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

“(Y/N) … please, hear me out.”

The touch felt like fire, causing you to be back in that truck, wrists pinned to the ceiling by the same hand. At that point in time the fire was welcoming but right now, you weren’t quite sure what it was but deep down you longed for it to feel as good as it did before. There was a desperation in Kirishima’s voice as he pleaded, when your head turned around just the tiniest bit to get a peek, you could also see the desperation in his eyes. Those enraging beautiful red eyes.

“Goddammit,” you spoke under your breath before your hand turned, palm open to him, “Fine, but I need some tea.”

Kirishima was somewhat taken back by your action. Nonetheless though he wasted no time in taking hold of your hand, letting you lead him into the kitchen before letting go and going to dig through the cabinets for your favorite tea. The male took it upon himself to take the kettle and fill it with water as you gathered two mugs. He placed the kettle on a hot plate that sat next to the sink then watched you prep the mugs with the tea bags before going to sit at the small table.

He turned to face you, leaning against the counter and rubbing the side of his neck. You sat in the chair, leg crossed over one knee and arms crossed. There was a look on your face, one that told him he should get to talking and fast. For once he was intimidated - by little old you.

“I’m sorry,” he started off.

You shrugged your shoulders and tilted your head, “I know you’re sorry, now apologize.”

“What?”

“Feeling sorry isn’t an apology, they’re two different things. One is an emotion, a feeling of regret, while the other is an action, it’s you expressing that regret.”

Kirishima’s red eyes widened, he was speechless. He knew you’d probably be reluctant when it came to forgiving him but he didn’t expect for you to be well …like this.

“Okay. I’ll start with saying I fucked up, I know I did. You asked me not to poke anymore for information and I did, I tried pushing you to do something you weren’t comfortable with and that was wrong of me. I apologize for also just kissing you like that, even if I did intend to just shut you up at first, it wasn’t the best thing to do and only made things worse.”

You listened, not once taking those (e/c) eyes off of him, it made him feel so exposed for some reason.

“Most of all though, I apologize for what I said to you. I tend to want to get the last word when I’m heated like that, I end up saying things I don’t mean, really shitty things. I hope you know by now that obviously what I said was a lie. Truly, I wish I could go back in time and just take it back.”

“Well you can’t,” you quickly replied making Kirishima wince at your sharp words, “ … but I can tell you’re sincere and that you really are sorry so - that’s a start.”

Suddenly your frame was picked up from its seat, feet hanging in the air when strong thick tattooed arms caged you in a massive bear hug. Your face was squished against a hard and heavenly smelling chest, arms dangling at your sides and eyes wide with shock. Kirishima was spewing ‘thank you’s’ as he rocked back and forth, holding and squeezing you like a child with their most precious stuffed animal. You couldn’t exactly breathe but you also couldn’t help but giggle.

“Kiri, I’m uh, I’m losing air.”

The red-head gasped and quickly released his iron hold causing your body to slip from his arms with a yelp and almost fall over when your feet hit the ground. Thankfully he thought fast and grabbed you by the elbow, helping to steady you again.

“Uh - I’m sorry, I don’t really register how small you are compared to me and forget my own strength sometimes.”

Nodding, another giggle escaped your lips, “It’s fine, just took me off guard, that’s all. I wasn’t really expecting such a thing from you, it’s like you’re a massive overly excited puppy.”

“I’m just relieved,” he breathed out while straightening your clothes and hair back to normal.

“Well, I accept your apology but you’re not off the hook just yet!”

The tea kettle went off, causing you to both jump at the noise and chuckle.

“That’s fair,” Kirishima replied as he turned to turn off the hot plate and remove the kettle. “Is there something you need me to do, punch myself, walk around with the word ‘asshole’ drawn on my forehead all day?”

You quirked a brow, shocked at Kirishima’s desperation. From the sound of it, he was willing to do almost anything for your forgiveness. He seemed to be at your mercy and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t entertaining. There were so many things you could probably get him to do, public humiliation, self-mutilation, maybe make him shave off all his hair?

Nah, you liked his hair, that needed to be left alone. You needed to think of something that would really show he didn’t mean those crummy words. A representation of the real Eijirou Kirishima.

Soon a mug was placed in front of you, before you could ask for honey Kirishima was already pouring some for you, he even knew exactly how much to pour which made you smile. After being handed a spoon, Kiri took a seat and took a sip of his own tea then looked at you, awaiting his sentence.

“I got it! Everyone in this shop has gone with me on shop runs - everyone except you,” you leaned over and poked Kiri’s chest making him chuckle, “That’s your first trial, chauffeuring me around from place to place for supplies and just spending the day with me. I want to see how we truly get along without any bets in place, you’re not required to act nice if that’s truly someone you’re not, I don’t want the fake Eijirou, I want the real one.”

“I can do that no problem. What else?”

You snapped your fingers and smiled, “You also owe me lunch, a really good lunch too!”

“Is that all?”

To be honest Kirishima was shocked at the mercy you were having on him. Spending the day with you and having lunch together didn’t sound bad to him at all, in fact he was more than excited to spend this time with you, one on one. He was ready to start fresh and redeem himself.

“No that’s not all, I just can’t think of anything else right now but I will. I’m only being so merciful because I’m pretty much over this now and it’s not something I want to dwell on. I really do want to be friends Kiri and to hold a grudge and be bitter about things doesn’t help. So now, where we go from here is all up to you.”

And there it was finally, the pressure. The pressure to not fuck this up royally, again!

Kiri let out a breath before nodding with a determined look on his face. “Alright little one, what do say we get these trails started?”

You moaned and groaned after plopping into the passenger seat of Kirishima’s truck, hands gripping at your stomach as you felt it eating away at your spine and body slumping over onto the middle console. Kiri settled in his seat by now and looked down at you.

“Eijirou, I’m dying here.”

“(Y/N), throughout the whole store you got every single free-sample there was, plus a massive slurpee and a cookie!”

Whining even more your buried your face into his arm, “Those were just teasers! Now feed me real food before I start to shut down!”

“Yes your majesty,” he chuckled and started the truck before taking off.

For the next ten minutes you went from groaning to being completely silent and almost lifeless. At one point Kirishima really thought you were dead before a sneeze left you.

So far the day was going well and you were getting along as if nothing happened. The first stop was to get tattoo supplies and you left Kiri to get everything like you would with the others since they knew exactly what to look for. After that it was off to get bulk supplies like paper towels, gloves, drinks for the kitchen, cleaning materials, etc.

Quickly Kiri learned why all the guys hated going to that one place with you, not only did you specifically seek out free food but you had this bad habit of just dipping off out of nowhere, silent as a ninja. Each time Kirishima wouldn’t notice until he was talking to himself and turned around to find you nowhere in sight. His heart would drop every time and he’d frantically search for you. Eventually he made it a rule that you walked in front of him at all times. It was like shopping with a child basically but still you were so cute to him.

It was nearing Thanksgiving and the stores were displaying all their Christmas items - tree, lights, figures, ornaments. Anytime something bright and shiny caught your eye, Kiri found himself being jerked by the hand and dragged to the point of interest. Each time he could’ve easily stopped you but he didn’t want to. Not once has he ever witnessed this much of you, normally he’d shack up in his studio and avoid being around you or leave if he was around you too much.

He wasn’t used to all the touchiness, you absentmindedly clinging to his arm if someone gave you an eerie feeling, tugging at his clothes or shaking him when another free-sample stand popped up, and the hand-holding, so much of it. He wasn’t blind or new to any of the stores you stopped by that day, he knew where to find certain items, but still when it came time to look for the next item on the list you’d grab his massive hand in your small one and lead the way as he’d pull the buggy.

Kirishima knew you were a touchy person, hell he’d even seen you dragging Shouto, the most reserved of them all around the shop by the hand to show him something so he shouldn’t feel that special about it but he did. Yet at the same time it didn’t feel off, it felt right.

Just like it did that night at Sero’s, holding and keeping you close to him like it was the most normal thing ever. It could become normal too, if he really tried, he could have you like this every day. Still though, Kirishima was unsure about whether he should truly retire his whole ploy to keep you at a safe distance.

Did he want you? Of course he did. Most of all though, he wanted to keep you safe he just couldn’t decide though whether being with him really was safe or not for you.

“Are we there yet?”

Kirishima looked down from the road briefly to see you still laying over on the console, chin resting on your forearm as your finger traced the squares of the flannel fabric dressing his arm.

“Almost little one. You okay? You’re really quiet.”

With a small smile you nodded, “I’m just hungry Red.”

Kiri chuckled and licked his bottom lip, “Well where we’re going, you can eat to your pretty little heart’s content.”

“Oh Kiri don’t tell me that, I’ll make you regret it!”

Soon the truck came to a stop and Kirishima unbuckled his belt. He leaned over you, looking at each other eye to eye.

“Try me.”

“Thems fighting words Red, are you challenging me!”

A razor sharp smile was now on the red-heads face, making you smile just as wide, you knew what was coming and you were already agreeing.

“It’s not so much a challenge when I know I’ll come out on top little one. You see I have a pretty insatiable appetite myself and I’m sure it’s much bigger than yours.”

Your lips pouted, a prideful gleam sparkled in your eyes, “Tsk, tsk! You may be twice my size but I’m positive I can eat just as much food as you, if not more!”

A sharp tooth bit down on Kiri’s bottom lip at the sound of a challenge.

Last time the two of you made a bet it didn’t end well but this one was harmless. Something inside of the red-head liked to challenge you, and he could tell you liked it as well. You were such a little spitfire and he loved it.

He hummed in amusement and let his hand fall next to your head, his thumb brushed over your parted bottom lip mindlessly but neither of you minded.

“How about you put your money where that pretty little mouth is then?”

“You’re on, first one to tap out has to pay for the meal,” you spoke before nipping at the thumb still on your lip and making Kiri snatch it away with a smile.

You sat up to unbuckle the seat belt and waited while Kiri got out and came around to open your door. He helped you hop out of the tall vehicle, neither of your hands letting go of the other even after your feet were on the ground. He closed the door and walked you across the street, when you looked and realized where he had brought you, a massive shit eating grin spread across your face.

It was one of the conveyor belt sushi places, where you could get a lot of food for your dollar and the perfect place for a food eating contest.

“You done messed up A-Aron!”

Shaking his head, Kirishima let go of your hand and slung an arm around your shoulders before leading you into the restaurant and to begin your little game.

After sitting down you both agreed that whoever had the most plates by the time you were ready to leave would be the winner, giving you time to actually enjoy yourself and not throw up in the process. As time passed you’d talk, you told Kirishima about the tattoo Sero gave you and about Hitoshi who was probably still passed out in your bed. You both ate plate after plate of sushi in between chatting and had two stacks piling up rather quickly. The employees had to be used to shenanigans like this everyday so neither of you felt particularly bad about the massive amount of food being devoured.

“So, you still haven’t come up with my last trial,” Kiri asked as he stacked another plate and leaned back in his seat.

Your head shook in response and you chewed on a piece of sushi that was a little too large for your mouth. The man chuckled at how fat your cheeks looked and leaned over to wipe a small amount of soy sauce from the corner of your mouth before licking his thumb clean.

“Indirect kiss,” you muffled.

“Whatever, finish your food before you choke,” he replied and took a sip of his tea.

You quirked a brow and finished chewing then proceeded to swallow your food with a loud gulp, “Oh I never choke, Eijirou.”

Kirishima quickly covered his mouth and choked down his drink, you started to cackle at him then groaned and grabbed at your stomach when it hurt to laugh from being so full. Your face landed on the table, lulling side to side in misery.

“That’s what you get,” Kiri snickered at your pain, “are you done?”

“Never,” you groaned out pathetically.

Smirking the red-head crossed his arms and leaned onto the table, one of his hands reached out and gathered your hair from the surface before it could land in the dirty plates and tucked it to one side.

“Well I’m done, you win.”

You quickly shot up and glared at the man, “Lies, you’re letting me win!”

“It doesn’t matter I was going to pay for the meal anyway. Plus, you proved me wrong, you really can put away just as much food as I can, maybe you ate a plate or two more, so you really did win.”

You turned from looking at him and to the plates, he could tell you were counting them. After a few moments you turned to the electronic screen, browsing through the menu with a determined look on your face. Kirishima couldn’t help but chuckle at your resilience, even if it was just a silly contest he liked how headstrong and iron-willed you were.

“I do have one more plate than you but I still have room for dessert.”

“Of course you do!”

After selecting a parfait you sat back in the seat with a disgruntled huff and hands rubbing your bloated stomach.

“So, anywhere else we need to go before we head back to the shop?”

“Actually yeah, I need to stop by the pet store and get some dog food.”

Your eyes widened and twitched, “Dog food? You have a dog?”

“No little one, I like to have a nice bowl of it before bed every night.”

Right as the words left his mouth a chopstick was flying straight for Kirishima’s face. He quickly deflected it and laughed. You rolled your eyes and picked your parfait up off the belt and started to eat it.

“What kind of dog?”

“She’s a pit bull, I rescued her from the shelter last year,” he replied and took his phone out, scrolling through his pictures and then showing one to you.

“Aww, Ei! She’s precious! Look at the sweet pupper, oof look at her snoot,” you cooed.

Kiri continued to show you more pictures of the grey and white dog. There were pictures of them together on the couch, at the park, even some of her and the guys. The tattooed man told you stories of her, that she was pretty goofy and playful but also a big snuggle bug. The dog was like a child to him and it was adorable to see him gleaming over the animal.

Seeing this side of Kiri was exactly what you wanted. When he wasn’t thinking too much about it, he seemed to really open up to you, almost like breathing. He really was trying hard to fulfill his quest and you appreciated him sharing this part of his life with you.

“What’s her name?”

“It’s Duchess. She’s a little spoiled,” he smiled and finally put the phone away.

“I can’t believe I’m just now finding out about this, it’s like you were trying to hide your child from me. I want to meet her one day!”

Kirishima smiled while pulling out his wallet and started to pay for the food with the machine at the table.

“Next time I’m out at the park with her, I’ll let you know. Or -” he put his wallet away and smirked as he leaned back in his seat so casually, “You could always come over, you know to meet my dog.”

“Well I mean, if that would please your dog then maybe.”

With a smile Kirishima stood from his seat and walked to yours, holding out his hand to help you up out of your own, “I think it would please her very much.”

After leaving the restaurant, you made a stop by the pet store. Overjoyed you quickly ran inside and for once left Kirishima in the dust. He chuckled and jogged in after you, yelling to wait up.

With big bright eyes and a massive smile, you awed over all the animals, needing to pet every single one of them. A bunny here, a ferret there, a couple of kittens. Next you made it over to the birds, pressing your hands to the glass and marveling over their bright colors, baby talking to them though the barrier.

Not once did Kirishima interrupt, he was too caught up in how happy you were to interact with all the animals. He had a feeling that the moment you met his dog, he’d become like chopped liver.

After having your fill, you turned and looked at the red-head then behind him at the aisle markers. Taking his hand you went to walk towards the dog food aisle but Kirishima didn’t budge, causing you to grunt as you pulled.

“Kiri, dog food is this way.”

The man nodded and rubbed the side of his neck with his free hand, “I know but let’s go down this aisle and around.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, you turned to look in the right direction, not seeing anything strange or out of place.

“Why,” you chuckled and tugged, “Let’s just go this way, plus I want to see the reptiles and they’re right there,” you pouted with the biggest most pathetic puppy dog eyes and pointed.

Kiri’s hand squeezed yours and he looked conflicted, finally though he gave in and let you drag him towards the right aisle.

“Those stupid pretty eyes,” he thought with a smirk.

You came to a stop before the reptiles, bending at the knees slightly to get a better look at the ones on the lower level. Kiri left you to look at them as he went and got dog food, after locating the right brand he got the biggest bag and turned to make his way back to you.

“Okay, little one let’s get - ah,” the massive man yelled when he turned the corner to you holding a snake in his face.

Quickly Kiri turned away, his fingers gripping the dog food.

“Isn’t it cute? They let me hold it,” you chimed and brought the snake back to your chest as it sat like a rock in your hand.

“Cool, now put it back and lets go.”

Your brows furrowed yet again, a quizzical look on your face.

“Kiri what’s wrong? It’s just a little sn - ake,” you spoke slowly after finally realizing what must of been the issue this whole time.

First Kirishima didn’t want to walk down the way you came and now he wasn’t even facing you and looking tense as hell. You asked him to turn and look, but he shook his head and mentioned how heavy the dog food was and that he was ready to leave.

“Bullshit Kiri, I weigh more than that dog food, now look at me - please.”

The red-head bared his sharp teeth at the sound of your pleading, so soft and wanting, and totally fucking up his life. Only after a few hours together, you now had this hold on him, like some leash around his heart that tugged in every direction you went, dragging him along like a puppy, only wanting to please you as long as it kept that dumb smile on your face.

Finally, Kirishima sheathed his teeth back behind his lips, taking a deep breath before he turned around to face you, his red eyes not once leaving your own (e/c) ones.

“Yes your highness,” he questioned, trying to hide his nervousness.

You gave him a soft and calming smile, “Ei, are you scared of snakes?”

“I’m not scared of them, I just don’t like them.”

Your teeth were now chewing on your bottom lip, eyes looking down to the cold-blooded creature in your hands before flashing back up to him. He felt a shudder run up his spine at the scheming yet alluring look you held, almost like a siren. Kirishima knew that whatever you were thinking wasn’t good for him but he couldn’t help but be lured in, frozen in place.

“Eijirou,” you softly spoke and took a step towards him.

He wanted to take a step back but he didn’t, the way his name always fell from your lips was a terrible weakness of his and you were starting to realize it. He could only swallow harshly, jaw clenching and clutching the dog food tighter.

“(Y/N), don’t.”

“I know what your final trial is.”

Kirishima sighed and let his head fall back, an aggravated ‘fuck’ escaping from between his triangular teeth.

“Hold this noodle for ten seconds and you’re completely forgiven, clean slate.”

The tattooed man looked down and cringed at the sight of the reptile. It was balled up in your palms, it’s beady head resting on its body. Bright yellow and pretty fat looking. Up close it didn’t look slimy or really that intimidating, if anything it looked fake.

Kiri looked back to you, his brows rising and eyes softening with one last plea but you chuckled and shook your head. Groaning, he sat the dog food on the floor and scratched his head. His blood was pumping, growing more nervous as he brought his palms up. Once you started to move the snake towards Kirishima he looked away, taking more deep breaths. Soon he felt a light weight in the middle of his hand and cold scaly skin - and then it moved.

Kiri stiffened and shook his head, trying not to freak and make the animal move any more but it continued to slowly slither.

“I can’t do this (Y/N), take it pl-”

You cut his words off by cupping his cheek with one hand, turning his face to look at yours and placing your other hand on the underside of his.

“Eijirou, you can do this. It’s already been almost five seconds. You’re halfway there. Don’t focus on the snake, look at me. I know how much you like to do that.”

An almost strained chuckle came from Kirishima’s throat but he listened to you and focused on the one thing he’s been focused so much on for the past month.

His red eyes zeroing in on your pink lips, watching as they moved while you counted for five more seconds. Gradually his heart-rate was decreasing and his nerves were settling. Before he knew it the snake was being removed him his hand and replaced with sanitizer, making him blink rapidly and look down. The tension literally melted from Kiri’s body and he huffed while rubbing his hands together and smearing the disinfect. You were doing the same with a pleased expression and Kirishima felt embarrassed. When you looked up to him though there wasn’t any humor or cockiness in your face.

“I’m not going to ask why you don’t like snakes Eijirou. I understand everyone has their own fears and you don’t owe me an explanation about them. I am proud of you though, I’m sure that was difficult for you but facing your fear just for me, it means a lot.”

Kirishima smiled and tousled his spiky hair, “So - am I forgiven now?”

You smiled and rose up on the tips of your toes, hands coming to rest on Kiri’s chest for balance as you placed a feather-light kiss to his cheek.

“You’ve been forgiven since buying me food Red.”

Crimson eyes narrowed at you and you snickered, quickly walking towards the cashier. Kirishima growled and he picked up the dog food before running after you.

“I really hate you sometimes little one.”

You squealed once he caught up and wrapped his free arm around the front of your waist, easily picking you up and squeezing as he gnawed on your shoulder. You giggled and tried to push him away.

“I hate you too Ei.”

#crimson ink #tattoo shop au #hitmen au #kirishima eijirou x reader #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #anime #manga #angst #slow burn #enemies to lovers

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bondsmagii · 4 years ago

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☕️ Alina Starkov, ☕️ the Falconer, ☕️ Dostoyevsky, ☕️ the Big Chungus song, ☕️ Athos & Astrid Dane

OH BOY.

☕️ Alina Starkov

my bitch is so dumb but I love her 😩 like a lot of the time I kind of want to shake her but what can you do!! I really do think she put up with far too much shit lmao but at the same time over the course of the three books she does get much better at asserting herself and she stops being so directionless, and I was super psyched to see her punch Nikolai and tell people to suck her long and hard through her jorts and stuff. I see a lot of people complain that she’s boring and whiny but like... I don’t see it? she definitely has her whiny moments but then you remember she’s a seventeen-year-old girl stuck in what was perhaps the World’s Suckiest Situation so I can hardly blame her.

overall I think her defining feature is bravery. time and time again she has to face the worst possible scenario and she still does what she believes is right, when many other people would have flinched away from it. she has a very strong moral code (perhaps the strongest in the series, if I’m honest -- Alina alone does things because it’s the right thing to do, and not because of any ulterior/personal motive) and she’s pretty fucking badass. she’s also funny as hell. like, why don’t more people talk about how funny she is? my girl is a comedic genius.

my main criticism of her is that she didn’t say fuck it and go ape shit and rule Ravka forever on the shadow throne she shares with her hot evil boyfriend the Darkling but like whatever, it would be unrealistic if a character didn’t have flaws.

☕️ the Falconer

I fucking love this asshole. from the moment his pretentious arrogant ass appeared on the page talking like someone out of Shakespeare I knew I was gonna love him. I absolutely love arrogant characters who can back it up and he is the dictionary definition of this; likewise I love it when they get their ass handed to them and guess what! the Falconer provides this, too! everything about him is So Fucking Much and I just love it. I’m super excited after reading the end of The Republic of Thieves, and I’m really hoping that Scott Lynch is planning to bring him in as a Big Villain because that would just be so fucking sexy and definitely the best & most righteous thing to do.

he feels like such a solid character, too -- very often a character’s arrogance can be their only defining trait, but the Falconer has a whole history and personality that’s very solid even before it’s expanded on in the third book. everything about him is just very interesting and I absolutely adore how ruthless he is -- sometimes authors imply or tell but don’t show, but the Falconer is kind of scary, I’m not gonna lie. I would hate to have him pissed at me and I’m very thankful that I am a different Locke. this bitch is so dramatic and full of himself but he’s also smart enough to actually get what he wants and have people look at him and think “yeah he seems like someone to align myself with” and I’m not saying that he’s the kind of person who could lead a cult but I’m also not not saying it.

also the fact that his type of specialised magic is looked down upon in Karthain and seen as Not Desirable but he’s just like fuck you guys birds are neat and does it anyway? very sexy of him.

☕️ Dostoyevsky

bruh... I finally understand what people mean when they go off about Shakespeare or whatever like I’ve never really got Shakespeare and had no idea why people stan him so hard but then I read Dostoyevsky and like. I get it. I get it now. I understand how people feel. I understand the very emotion that Henry Winter felt when he asked Richard what he thought of Homer and Richard was like “I... like Homer?” and Henry fixed him with this death gaze and said “I love Homer.” like that’s me!! that’s me bitch that’s me with Dostoyevsky I get it!!

I can’t even articulate why I feel this way because this love sprung upon me very recently; I read The Brothers Karamazov a while back and adored it and it’s always stuck in my mind since, but then I just read The Idiot this week and holy shit I was just struck by... I don’t even know, Emotions™. I think it’s because The Idiot is clearly Dostoyevsky’s most personal work in terms of themes and opinions, and that combined with the fact that a) Dostoyevsky and I seem to be in agreement on many fundamental issues explored in the book and b) I was literally in the process of thinking about those issues in great detail when I picked the book up has resulted in me just being a full-blown Dostoyevsky Bitche™ now. I love him. I feel so Seen when I read his works but in a way that’s really not bad at all; it’s phenomenal, how he manages to articulate things where I thought I was the only one who thought that or felt that. of course, I know I’m not the only one -- that would be statistically impossible -- but everyone experiences things differently even if it’s the exact same thing, but Dostoyevsky manages to describe how it was for me, and not only that, but also at multiple different points in my life. how does he do it? we just don’t know, but I love him for it.

I absolutely know this is going to be my literary niche and I am absolutely OK with that. it’s made me even more determined in my Russian studies because my goal is now to read all his works in the original Russian. if his work is this beautiful translated into English, I can only imagine what it would be like if I read it how it was intended to be read.

☕️ the Big Chungus song

the Big Chungus song haunts me because the very first time I heard it, I swore I’d heard it before. I had not, because it’s not the kind of song you can forget, but it reverberated deep in my soul and felt familiar on an existential level. I cannot explain this and nor do I want to; sometimes you’re just gifted these things, and it’s within your best interests to accept.

the only other thing I really have to say about it is that it slaps harder than pretty much anything I’ve ever heard before.

☕️ Athos & Astrid Dane

god these two were so great but I wish we’d known more about them! like on the one hand the lack of development is great because I get to go ham sandwich in my fics and basically write their lives for them which I love doing because my headcanons are sexy & righteous and born of only the hottest takes imaginable, but at the same time I have to write it all and I would also like to read it all. you can see my dilemma clearly.

I loved what I did get, because I love it when nasty characters are truly nasty. Athos and Astrid are fucking reprehensible. there’s no redeeming features, there’s no excuse for what they did -- they’re just evil and sadistic, and that’s that. I also love how Astrid is just as evil as her brother, because often the woman is portrayed as Not As Bad in some way, or as the foil to the man, and especially so with twins, but no. they’re both just fucking awful and nasty and they love it and they encourage one another to be their worst-ass self and it’s just brilliant. it’s like the Evil Twin trope, but both of them are the evil twin. it’s really refreshing to see a book commit to the idea of truly sadistic characters who are sadistic for no other reason other than they enjoy it -- the Danes didn’t become this way because they wanted to rule; they rule because they are that way.

the character development past this is kind of eh, but at the same time they’re definitely not just Sadists™ and nothing beyond that. there’s enough there for me to get my teeth into, anyway, and I just have so many questions about them that I can write lots of fic answering. also their aesthetic is brilliant. all pale and washed out and wearing white (naturally so the blood splatters can show up clearer)? veins going black with corruption so they look like walking marble terrors? Makt couture baby.

#[deep breath]#grishaverse #gentleman bastards #shades of magic #fyodor dostoyevsky #big chungus #about me #topic meme #vestriis #asks

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