#from anything actually lived in
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its so sad to me when people aren't interested in engaging with stories where they don't "identify" with the protagonists
#like this goes everywhere from boys being conditioned to not read 'girl books' (books w female protagonists) on#and the cycle continues bc Media Companies are obsessed with having Relatable Characters that are distinctly disconnected#from anything actually lived in#rubbed clean of any rough edges#idk. it makes your world feel not only small in a bad way but empty. lonely without even an other to experience self through.#etc.#text
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maybe never forgive. but things are different now. so we'll use maybe.
#my version of a happy ending au#mouthwashing#captain curly#mouthwashing anya#anya#curly#my art#considering this game takes place in a hellscape#i imagine one of the other horrifying angles for anya was that she might not even have the rights to abort the wound#so i like to think. curly. thinking he's going to die anyway. just takes all of the medical bills from his crew#because if he lives then he'll spend his life paying it all off#and if he dies. then he takes the burden with him#but him and anya are horrible horrible parallels now. and they cant NOT care about each other#he'll turn himself into the horse. he'll be the beast of burden. anything he said. anything#and for once he actually means it.
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they tried to rebrand as The Criminals but riz is literally the city council's treasurer and also turns out people in their late 20s don't really name their friend groups. so now they're The Intrepid Heroes
#fantasy high#figueroth faeth#kristen applebees#adaine abernant#gorgug thistlespring#fabian seacaster#riz gukgak#yes this is sorta from the same thing Ive been doing for future!riz lol. that riz is the same design basically#just the above board sona#u can kiiinda tell which of the bad kids I have a very clear vision for their future design and which I kinda wing it for lol#kristen's tank top is white and the coat is galaxy tie dye btw. I didnt have the energy to express that in ink but thats the ult version#adaine I truly imagine to grow up to be the perpetual t shirt and jeans person but she carries her sword everywhere#gorgugs truth is that shes just hot she can wear anything. but I do give him the skirt hike bc I love him#I really like skirt hike... such a fun thing to put in designs. if ur garment has no variance in how it falls or drapes u can do it urself#this is also a little bit of an exercise in how much of an accessory I can freehand from memory#fig's bass I straight up did not fact check for. just rawdogging it memory only. same with fandrangor and adaine's crocs#I did write in my funny little document that gorgug takes up baking and is good at it bc I think itd be good for him#to do basically chemistry and math that also feeds people#out of them... kristen and riz would be Good good at it. but riz would get way too stressed abt the recipe and kristen bakes by#eyeballing the texture. fabian likes decorating but refuses to get anywhere near the heat of an oven. adaine isnt good at it first try#and is like well my effort goes to other things actually. fig Loves baking and Nobody lets her into the kitchen#idk why this manifests so clear in my head. must be bc of recent foccacia events#living in the subtropics is hell for baking nobody try it ok? I tell u
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GARRUS VAKARIAN: DATABASE IMAGE ACCESS. > PT. 1 : 2160, 2166, 2170. > all files backdated according to user preferences: (terran_coordinated.calendar).
#mass effect#mass effect fanart#garrus vakarian#mass effect garrus#castis vakarian#solana vakarian#turians#alien#palaven#artists on tumblr#illustration#art#scifi#video games#milkyart#garrus retro#I want to make more of these so I'm giving it a tag#headcanons go as such:#turians have a downy coat from birth to toddler age after which actual feathers develop - which molt during puberty.#they're the color of the plates since feathers are modified scales! so for the vakarian siblings they're silvery.#child garrus playing spectre - solana already annoyed by it back then. but hey at least he's using sources for his make believe? nerd#first time castis takes him shooting it's a live target. have fun kid I hope this won't awaken anything in you or do irreparable damage#castis voice: I didn't raise him like this!#well buddy someone did.#also - hard to see but the leaves and tree trunks have a metallic sheen :-)#god this took SO LONG ive never done something quite like this before! also wanted to do landscape for once.#social media is so hostile to this format but I think 3 images is a good workaround#will make a detail post later on... the faces are probably getting fried by tumblr :(#oh I gave castis the comic markings. they look way better and imo make more sense. and we don’t talk about me:a here
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the blank ticket in your hand is just waiting to be filled in.
happy birthday vash! (ID in alt text)
#vash the stampede#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun maximum spoilers#trimax spoilers#vashwood#i actually made it... im crying... was devastated for a bit bc i thought i wouldnt had anything for vash's bday!!#but happy birthday to the twins.. vash and knives...#no matter what i was going to make a vash centric post im sorry knives... i have a comic in progress also but it was taking too long T_T#that one would celebrate both of them slightly more fairly! but anyway.#birthdays to someone like vash must not mean a whole lot. even the first one - him and knives were like oh what... cool.. i don't think the#had the chance to celebrate much after that :pensive: and vash probably spent most of his birthdays like any other day so i kind of just#wanted to celebrate him living and being alive - living for as long as he did and the people that eventually made living worth it#keep counting the years vash!!! even if you dont have birthday parties - it's still very very special#quote is directly from rem’s speech in ch 41 also#ruporas art
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I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with
#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#hazel wells#fop hazel#fop dev#dev dimmadome#art#digital art#doodles#I wish Hazels parents were more flawed tbh...#Like I get why they wanted to have them be good rep so that young people could know what a good family is supposed to look like#but it felt like every time there was an opportunity to have them do something genuinely flawed-#they would perfectly sidestep it before it even became a problem#I really enjoyed the first episode because it showed a hint of a very unique emotional issue Hazel had related to having a therapist mother#The idea that she has to be mature all the time#constantly living around therapy speak makes her feel like she isnt allowed room to breathe#Feeling unable to express her emotions without someone there giving advice that she isnt ready for yet#just small things!#She feels so pressured to be emotionally mature all the time BECAUSE she gets praised for it#maybe im projecting everyone always tell me I was so mature for my age...#But like I really really wanted to see that from her!!#And then after that episode it doesnt even come up again#The only other episode that features the moms job as a conflict is the one where she wants to spend more time with her#which is a fine conflict I guess but it still ends with her saying all the perfect things#I wanted Markus to be more of a genuine threat too. even if he didnt actually do anything having him be more looming would have been nice#I feel like they mostly forget hes a para scientist most of the time idk.#I just felt like his interactions could have been more unique#Maybe he will be in future seasons idk
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its kinda funny that the chaotix are like the only characters who mention having to pay rent or buy food or whatever and theyll take any job that pays because theyre desperate for money but none of the other characters are struggling in this department at all even though most of them dont seem to have jobs. its like the concept of needing money to live exists for no one in the sonic universe EXCEPT for vector espio and charmy
#sonic actively chooses to not have a house or a job or anything and hes fine ?#like he never seems to have any problems that are a direct result of this lifestyle. hes just chilling doing whatever he wants#tails has MULTIPLE houses/labs and doesnt seem to struggle to pay for them or anything. assuming he even has to pay for them at all#but vector is out here struggling to pay rent even though hes one of the only characters who we know actually has a job#do they just not demand money from tails because he helps save the world so often and is also 8 years old#do they just only target adults with this sort of thing. and thats why vector needs money so bad while no one else does .#and espio and charmy despite being minors have to bear the curse as well because they live with him
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The sky's a burnt orange, with the Citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome, shining under the twin suns. Beyond that, the mountains go on forever. Slopes of deep red grass, capped with snow.
The Legend of Ruby Sunday // The Sound of Drums
#dwedit#doctor who#usertennant#userteri#userdiana#susan triad#*#(caption is from gridlock)#everybody please weigh in:#are all the lives we saw fake-susan appear in real?#by which i mean did she actually personally live out each life. even if she can only half-remember them through dreams now#OR#was her face just superimposed throughout the universe a la bad wolf and the dreams were fake images and none of it meant anything#in which case penny pepper bean etc were real people but did NOT actually look like fake-susan. that face was just planted on them for lols#what i'm really asking is: does fake-susan remember gallifrey bc once upon a time she actually lived out the life of a time lord#or does she remember gallifrey solely bc the IMAGE of gallifrey was implanted in her dreams#i don't actually think we're ever going to get an answer atp but i want to know how people are interpreting it!!
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the fact that this is real is beyond horrifying
#the fact that they’re trying to frame this as being respectful is MENTAL#he did not unalive himself he killed himself because he was suffering from mental health issues and it’s awful and to try and make that#statement more easily digestible or cutisy is so disrespectful and does nothing to help people suffering#we need to actually talk about mental health issues not just use stupid tiktok buzzwords#suicide should make you feel uncomfortable its an uncomfortable topic but we need to live with that uncomfortability#we can’t just cover everything up and make ourselves feel comfortable all the time#we’re not going to accomplish anything that way and we’re just going to make people who are suffering feel more isolated#mari.txt#kurt cobain#nirvana#suicide mention/#yeah i’m using a trigger warning because that’s actually helpful#replacing words isn’t
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I cannot believe the canon bkdk dynamic though.
Katsuki, completely whipped, 100% on board to spend the rest of his life with Izuku, living the dream as heroes.
Izuku, completely oblivious to his own worth, oblivious to how Katsuki really feels about him now, just so oblivious to it all.
#bkdk#bakudeku#straight out of a fanfic actually#I keep thinking about the ‘one fell first but the other fell harder’ dynamic#and a lot of people say Kats fell first so Izuku fell harder#but I gotta say it feels like the reverse#feels like Izuku fell first#ages ago#when they were kids#he’s just really good at compartmentalizing it#not thinking about it because it’s not possible#there’s no way his symbol of victory would ever feel anything even close to live for a useles deku like him so it’s no use even hoping#meanwhile Katsuki flipped a switch and went from 0 to 100 in a heartbeat#izuku left UA to be a vigilante and it put everything into perspective for Katsuki#and from then on he was a complete goner#thinking about Izuku constantly#thinking about him as he died#jump starting his own heart to come back and find Izuku#propelling himself across the country just to give Izuku one last push#planning to be with him for the rest of their lives#being distraught that Izuku lost his quirk again#listen#izuku fell first. Kats fell harder
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When he saved me on Glorious Masquerade, I finally understand why people like him (so thoughtful huhu .. TT TT)
#u're not proving anything sebek FSFGDH seriously tho pls stop being the most insane person in NRC and live for urself a lil'#twisted wonderland#twst#malleus draconia#sebek zigvolt#twst yuu#twst mc#glorious masquerade#fanart#fsdsh honestly tho i always think that i like diasomnia the least from all the other dormitories#but here i am making fanarts of them instead#life works in a mysterious way#and sebek was the last character i ever get to think of fshdshd#then i pulled him on the masquerade gacha#and everything went so fast after that#FSHDH SERIOUSLY THO HE ASKING FOR SOMEONE TO LET HIM SIT ON THEIR LAP FSHD#i just thought he said that meaning azul should have let grim sit on yuu's lap sooner#WHY DID HE MEAN SOMEONE SHOULD GIVE HIM A LAP SEAT AS WELL FHSDH#NRC full of bois with wonky thoughts fhs#seriously tho i thought malleus saved me because i am the mc but he actually thought of me not being able to use magic that's why#he saved me he's gonna make me c r y
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i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.
He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.
And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.
And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.
Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.
Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."
There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.
It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.
Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.
At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.
"Do you like to do anything?"
Nothing. Just silence.
Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.
Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.
Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.
And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.
He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.
Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.
So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.
"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"
"Don't."
He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.
Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"
"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."
It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"
The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."
Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."
And they fall back into silence.
Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."
He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.
(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)
At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.
Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.
("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")
(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)
(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)
It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."
The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."
The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.
When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.
Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.
"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."
When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.
Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc prompt#man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two#bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives#or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another#this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b#i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode#danny is the first son#tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand#Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it#Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to#them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad.#oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores#out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant#distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for#safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a#fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap#most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than#sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said#'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you'#danny doesn't know he's batman btw#starry rambles.#was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if#anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it#and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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sally and percy were always each other’s constants, they became a bit more distant once percy found out he was a demigod, but they were still each others firsts
then estelle was born
percy loves estelle so much, so much it physically hurts
but he sees estelle and how happy she is, how she had a mom that doesnt work the night shift nearly every night and instead is home nearly all the time, and she has a dad that’s present and there and is safe and percy is so so happy that she has what he never did
but at the same time he knows thats the exact reason why it hurts
estelle has what percys wanted his whole life
and now estelle has the only thing percy had his whole life
being his mothers first and top priority
he knows why, he understands why, estelle is a baby and needs to be cared for constantly, and percys nearly 18 and doesnt need his mom all the time anymore
but it hurts because all the food is no longer blue, it hurts because he sees estelle grow up and get help, it hurts because he sees estelle with the life he always wanted, but knows he will never had
and it hurts because hes no longer his mother’s constant.
sally has paul now, she has paul to help her through her issues and she has a child that doesnt get expelled from every school shes been in
and percy has his family. but its not the same. annabeth has always been there, but she doesnt understand, thalia has been through the same childhood as percy but she doesnt know what its like to watch the bad go to good in the same household, grover has always listened but he just doesnt understand
because hes happy estelle has the life he always wanted. hes glad his mother has the life she always wanted. but hes not in that life. because hes moving out soon. and hes no longer his mothers son, at least not in the way he was before
#i would apologize but im actually not sorry#he used to come home from anything and his mother would be there in an instant#checking him over and making sure hes ok#then estlelle is born#and he loves her so so much#but now when he comes home sally is on the couch holding estelle gently#and she can only pay so much attention to her son#and listen. i love sally#i really do#shes the best mom there was#however#she can no longer be that perfect safe space she once was#to other demigods? she is still that safe space#but thats all theyve known her#but percy has seen sally risk everything for percy#and while hes so happy she longer has to#theres still that empty and painful feeling#and it just gets worse when he sees estelle living the life he always dreamed of#pjo#percy jackson#sally jackson#estelle blofis#estelle and percy#jackson-blofis family#they have so much angst potential i love it#pjo angst#percy jackson angst#reef says#reef angst#percy and sally
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i know we talk a lot about the isolation of chronic illness and disability, but i really don't think ablebodied folk get it.
i have made one new friend in person since graduating highschool in 2020. she is my housemate's girlfriend. she stays over frequently, and the only reason we are friends is because she stays over and we have shared university papers. i would not have had the opportunity to befriend her otherwise. that is in the space of three years.
i don't go out much. i cannot guarantee that i will leave my house within any given week. technically i have class i need to go to twice a week for an hour, but those moments aren't time for friends, they're time for classwork and i don't interact with people in a social capacity there.
i simply do not get the opportunity to meet people.
i cannot go out with friends and meet new people that way, because my social circle is already so small, and i don't have the energy to go out half the time anyway. when i do, i suffer for it later.
i don't meet people on campus because i'm immuno-compromised, and ableds seem to have forgotten that we are still in a pandemic.
i don't go to clubs or go out for the sake of going out because i can't. i've grown agoraphobic, because i am so worried that something health related will happen and i'll get stuck somewhere alone. i hate leaving the house because of the guarantee of an anxiety attack which leaves my body more likely to flare. it's a vicious cycle of isolation.
i am not the only one who has experienced this -- i can still leave the house, i can still go and visit friends with assistance. i struggle, but at the end of the day, it's still an option. there are others who are completely isolated.
the worst of it is that people leave. people get tired of the 'i can't come, i'm sorry', of the 'hey, i'm sick, can we postpone?'. even people who you love and hold dearly will stop trying. and it's awful. you have to sit and watch these people who you love walk away because they can't deal with your disability. i don't have words to describe how much that hurts.
it really is impossible for ablebodied people to understand, because for the majority of us, this isn't temporary. this is just how we have to live. and your social circle can only really get smaller.
#feather speaks#actually disabled#actually chronically ill#chronic illness#cripplepunk#physically disabled#cripple punk#i don't really know where i was going with this but the isolation is different from the kind that ablebodied people experience#and i think people got a taste of it with lockdown but it's definitely not the same?#i mean with lockdown it was universal but with us we have to watch other people live their lives and move on#and it's almost like we stay frozen#that's not to say that we don't have fulfilling lives or anything#but i dunno. it feels different#anyway i'm rambling to the void at this point#i just had thoughts and i wanted to put them somewhere
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Scrybeswap
I have a lot of scatterbrained design notes for each of them but generally I wanted them to look similar to their original designs but with different themes. I also imagine that they have the same inscribing tools as their original counterparts but just use them differently (i.e. Magnificus paints animals, Leshy takes pictures of people as they're dying/about to die, I'm not sure what the magic equivalent for P03 would be besides maybe a spellbook that copies the essence of things, and Grimora's quill would either "write" code or write directly onto the hardware of robots).
#i initially wanted to finish these for inscryptober but stuff got in the way#misc design notes erm#leshy's death design is inspired by the actual folklore leshy and the leshens from the witcher games#i remember reading somewhere that the folklore leshy incorporates animal bones and tree bark into his own body#so that's where the main inspiration came from#the markings on grimora are meant to be a combination of patterns on porcelain china and the patterns on motherboards#p03's components aren't actually attached to anything and just float around as needed#also its different functions are powered by the mox crystals in its body#magnificus already looks like a big fuzzy animal to me so i just leaned into that#he probably has a bunch of small animals living in his fur without him even realizing#magnificus#leshy#p03#grimora#g0lly#inscryption#my art#scrybeswap
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