#freelance bio-exorcist

[gothiccharmschool]

In anticipation of seeing Beetlejuice Beetlejuice tomorrow, here are some assorted photos when I decided to look like my favorite freelance bio-exorcist.

[lethalityandlustmoved]

-RULES, REGULATIONS, & RANDOMNESS-

Welcome to my blog! Peek under the cut for more information. Yes, it’s required reading.

RULES

This blog, while 18+ due to all themes associated with the Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss franchise, is completely NSFW-free. I am willing to write threads that mention NSFW topics in detail, but I will not roleplay the act itself.

I am not selective at all! My only rules about who I interact with are that they cannot be minors (less than 18 years old) and that they need to give me something to work with in threads. You can write as many paragraphs as you want, but if you don’t give me something substantial to keep writing with, I cannot continue writing with you.

I would prefer if personals did not interact unless they have a roleplay sideblog, state that clearly in their blog description/pinned post, and (if they have multiple sideblogs) specify which they are intending to roleplay with. Personals are completely free to follow, however!

My memes and open starters are open to everyone, even if we haven’t interacted yet or we already have a thread! I prefer to start threads with memes, though, so please specify if you would like me to write a drabble instead.

I am on mobile and therefore cannot trim posts. If this is a problem, then I apologize, but I cannot do anything to fix that fact unless my partner is not on mobile.

This is a sideblog! Follows and follow-backs will come from @kottonkandykiller. I do have multiple roleplay sideblogs, so feel free to choose which one you would like to interact with. All asks will be on anon and I will tag my sideblog in the ask.

I’m a busy person, but rest assured, I’ve seen your reply/ask. You can absolutely nag me for replies! Sometimes I forget, sometimes I don’t have the energy, but you aren’t being annoying if you send me a reminder. In fact, please do!

I am most active on Saturdays and in the evenings on weekdays. I’m on Pacific Standard Time, and typically sleep at 9 pm and wake up at 10 am (on weekends). I get home from work anytime from 4 to 6 pm on weekdays.

I currently tag whatever I think would be triggering as topic tw, but I can tag anything that anyone messages me to tag or have in their rules that they want tagged. I have no squicks/triggers myself, but I may add to this list later on.

The muse is not equal to the mod! In Nikki’s case, his moods tend to fluctuate with mine more than my other characters, and in Zephyr’s case, their gender is affected by whatever gender I most associate with at the moment, but nothing else.

These rules may be updated later on, but for now, this’ll be it.

MUSE BIO

NAME: Nikki “Neeks” Knockout

GENDER: male

PRONOUNS: he/they

SPECIES: imp/succubus hybrid

SEXUALITY: bisexual (male lean)

OCCUPATION: freelance stripper/mercenary for hire

RESIDENCE: Pentagram City

PERSONALITY: talkative, oblivious, caring, happy-go-lucky, & sensitive.

BACKSTORY: At 13 years old, a Hellhound murdered his parents in front of him. That same Hellhound blinded him in his right eye, broke his left horn off, and scarred him all over his body. He spent a year in the hospital, having his wounds treated, learning to see with only one eye, and adjusting to having only one horn. For 3 years after that, he bounced around from orphanage to orphanage before escaping a year before becoming an adult. He tattooed the left side of his face, replaced his left horn with a prosthetic, and dyed half of his hair black. He made a name for himself as a freelance pole dancer and taught himself to use several different weapons. After surviving for several years comfortably, his luck ran out during the Extermination of 2023. He was blinded in his other eye during the process of protecting another demon from an Exorcist, and while he did manage to kill the Exorcist, he is now homeless and struggling with his new predicament.

TAG LIST

nikki knockout’s daily dose [lethality and lust]

try these ones on for size [rp memes]

get a load of this [dash commentary]

the real star of the show [mod hunter speaks]

the real star of the show [mod hunter’s art]

i’m sexy and i know it [headcanon]

this is what i look like when the lights are broken [drabble]

this a trivia game? [askbox]

come one come all [open starter]

i’ll play along for the hell of it [dash games]

it’s goin’ down for real [promo]

you’re just like my favorite song going ‘round and ‘round my head [nikki & raven]

what i gotta do to find a sub who down to choke me [nikki & north]

i can tell you’re shy and i think you’re so sweet [nikki & frosty]

a little death [nikki & angel dust]

[roskirambles]

Halloween Movie of the Day: Beetlejuice (1988)

Life can be hard, with all it's disappointments and unexpected turns. Death, however, doesn't solve anything... even less when it involves bureaucracy. Something the Maitland couple learn the hard way when they crash and fall into a river, only to return home to find the "Handbook for the Recently Deceased". Then, a family from New York moves in to their once idyllic house with all the chaos of avant-garde art. So, when pushed against the wall, the recently deceased may turn their eyes to a self proclaimed freelance bio-exorcist extraordinaire.

It may be hard to imagine, but there was a time where Tim Burton wasn't the champion of the weird and creepy. In fact, having only Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985) under his belt this was his big gamble to show his style and MY GOD, what a stellar showcase it was. Between it's use of German expressionism for the set design to the ever morbid humor, the whole package is just entertainingly off kilter. Things like suicide and mutilation aren't off the table as the source of jokes, yet, it's all so brazen and playful even body horror and violent imagery become some prime slapstick material, all while poking fun at human stubbornness, bureaucracy and modern art. Also, absurdly skewed priorities from nearly the entire cast.

If there's a noticeable wart to the movie, though, it's probably the title character himself. While many of his antics are indeed funny as hell (his maverick energy is one of the reasons this Michael Keaton's favorite role after all), others would rightfully put him on the sex offender list while still being played for laughs. Then again, he's the villain and gets his due deserts so there's that.

Frankly, I'm not sure a film like this could have been made outside of the 80's for quite a few reasons. But even with those things it's shocking how well it holds up. It's generally speaking still a blast, stylish and oh so funny.

[heavenboy09]

35 Years Ago

From Warner Bros Pictures

Presents

A Classic Spooktacular 👻 & Creepy😱 Fun Filled Movie 🎥 Of 1988

In Winter River, Connecticut, Barbara and Adam Maitland decide to spend their vacation decorating their idyllic country home.

As they are driving home from a trip to town, Barbara swerves to avoid a dog, and the car plunges into the river.

After returning home, she and Adam notice they now lack reflections and find a Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

THEY JUST REALIZED THEY ARE DEAD 💀😱👻

AND ARE NOT AMONGST THE LIVING ANYMORE

The house is sold, and the new owners, the Deetz family, arrive from New York City.

Charles Deetz is a former real estate developer; his second wife, Delia, is a self-proclaimed sculptor and his teenage goth daughter, Lydia, from his first marriage, is an aspiring photographer.

Under the guidance of interior designer Otho, the family transforms the house into a new-wave work of postmodern art.

Consulting the Handbook, the Maitlands travel to an otherworldly waiting room populated by other distressed souls, where they discover the afterlife is structured according to a complex bureaucracy involving vouchers and caseworkers.

The Maitlands' caseworker, Juno, tells them they must remain in the house for the next 125 years on pain of a dire fate.

If they want the Deetzes out of the house, it is up to the Maitlands to scare them away.

Adam and Barbara are invisible to Charles and Delia, but Lydia can see the ghost couple and befriends them.

Against Juno's advice, the Maitlands contact the miscreant BEETLEJUICE, Juno's former assistant and a now freelance "BIO-EXORCIST", to scare the Deetzes away.

BUT LITTLE DO THEY KNOW

THIS WAS A BIG MISTAKE

TO SUMMON THE GHOSTLY GHOUL 👻 OF EXORCISM

ALL YOU GOT TO DO

IS SAY HIS NAME 3 TIMES

& PREPARE FOR THE PARTY OF THE AFTERLIFE

& REST ASSURED, ITS A PARTY YOU WISH YOU WOULD FORGET 😱

WARNER BROS PICTURES PRESENTS

ALEC BALDWIN

GEENA DAVIS

JEFFERY JONES

CATHERINE O'HARA

WINONA RYDER

&

MICHAEL KEATON

IN

BEETLEJUICE 🐞 🧃

BEETLEJUICE 🐞 🧃

BEETLEJUICE 🐞 🧃

IT'S SHOWTIME

HAPPY BELATED 35TH ANNIVERSARY TO WARNER BROS PICTURES

BEETLEJUICE 🐞 🧃

& HAPPY HALLOWEEN 🎃 HAHAHAHA #BeetleJuice #MichaelKeaton #WinonaRyder #HappyHalloween

[thedubiouspeach]

New Layout New Me!

I think it's only fair that since I've been nothing but an enigma on this site that I properly introduce myself!

Hi! My name is Bliss! I'm a 25-year-old LGBTQ+ & Neurodivergent writer. I am a Jhin main first and a human never. My fixation is primarily Jhin-centric, but I tend to hop across a multitude of fandoms!

Said fandoms include:

League of Legends

Baldur's Gate 3 (Astarion-centric interest)

Psycho-Pass

Jujutsu Kaisen

Sonic The Hedgehog

91 Days

Sun Haven

Buddy Daddies

Blue Exorcist

Yuri On Ice

Kuroko no Basket

Soul Eater

Dragon Ball Z

Steven Universe

Avatar: The Last Airbender / The Legend of Korra

Suitor Armor

Gangsta

Castlevania

I'm a hopeless romantic and throw together ships whenever possible because it's fun and I enjoy exploring dynamics. I sometimes find myself in Rarepair Hell and it is of every fault of my own.

Current ships and their ship names if they have one in my mind's eye:

Jhin / Rakan - Golden Lotus

Jhin / Pyke - Red Water Dreams

Jhin / Yone - Method Acting

Jhin / Yasuo - Freelance Artists

Jhin / Varus - Sacrilegious Shots

Jhin / Vladimir - Crimson Affairs

Jhin / Pyke / Rakan - Weight In Gold

Jhin / Rakan / Yone - Standing Ovation

Jhin / Rakan / Yasuo - Travelling Show

Jhin / Pyke / Rakan / Yasuo / Ezreal / Akshan - The Men Pile

Irelia / Xayah - Kingslayers

Irelia / Xayah / Akali / Nilah - Sparring Practice

Irelia / Xayah / Akali / Nilah / Neeko - Battle Born

Xayah / Sett - Fisticuffs

Shusei Kagari / Shinya Kogami - Kissed Knuckles

Satoru Gojo / Kento Nanami - See No Evil

Hiromi Higuruma / Kento Nanami

Satoru Gojo / Kento Nanami / Hiromi Higuruma

Yuji Itadori / Megumi Fushiguro

Yuta Okkotsu / Toge Inumaki - Speak No Evil

Jun / Dr. Wornhardt

Jun / Vaan

Dr. Wornhardt / Jun / Vaan

Jun / Vaan / Donovan

Jun / Van / Donovan / Dr. Wornhardt / Darius

Rei Suwa / Kazuki Kurusu

Ryouta Kise / Yukio Kasamatsu - Kisamatsu

Daiki Aomine / Taiga Kagami - Kagomine

Kotaro Hayama / Shun Izuki

Kotaro Hayama / Taiga Kagami - Hot-Head Express

Katsuki Yuuri / Victor Nikiforov - Victory/Victuuri/Victuri

Shadow the Hedgehog / Sonic the Hedgehog - Sonadow (duh)

Goku / Vegeta

Rin Okumura / Renzou Shima - Cotton Candy Complications

Shiro Fujimoto / Mephisto Pheles

Nero Vanetti / Angelo Lagusa - Russian Roulette

Katara / Zuko

Trevor Belmont / Alucard / Sypha Belnades - The Usual Suspects

Death the Kid / Crona

Pearl / Bismuth

Sapphire / Ruby

Boundaries:

I won't participate in ship discourse. I just won't, it's not worth it. I have my reservations on certain things and Imma keep it to myself.

What I will do is participate in fandom, fandom activities, and the occasional discourse about the shows/games/comics themselves!

Interests & Hobbies:

When I'm offline I tend to read here and there.

I write mostly romantic/ship-related fanfic and even original works with original characters! Occasionally, I post poetry when I'm in A Mood(TM).

It's an absolute delight to talk about all of my characters that I've taken so much time to craft <3

I make playlists on Spotify and Youtube based on stories I've written, favorite characters, favorite ships, and original characters! I'll be adding those links to my Carrd once I have them both up-to-date c:

I'm not entirely sure what I should be posting on Tumblr? This site is very awkward for me and I feel a tad isolated every time I open it. So if anyone has any ideas of what they'd like to see or a better way to be more engaging drop me an ask!

I might make a post for snippet requests and whatnot that y'all can choose from as well! It'll take a bit, but it'll be up eventually lol.

If you wanna find me anywhere else like Twitter, AO3, Commaful, Wattpad (Idk why, but it's an option), and more then you can find my Carrd in my bio!

Thanks for reading this far and getting to know me! If you have any questions then you know where the ask and DM buttons are c:

[monmuses]

you are not unlovable. { Nimue @ Beetlejuice }

everything everywhere all at once.

     His eyes seemed to widen at those words, hearing them so clearly from her. Since when was he ever close to being considered ‘loved’? He was the well-known Betelgeuse; the Bio-Exorcist of the Netherworld! He did freelancing for this! How could he, of all demons, be not unlovable?

     There was a grumble of a response, almost wincing at those words. “Not unlovable?” He repeated it with a pained strung at his tone. “Babes, I’m dead. A creepy, old, dead guy. I do my job for a literal living! I’m not supposed to be liked. That’s my whole shebang. Why do you think, of all the dead people you know, that I’m not unlovable?”

[hiddenpxpercuts]

Was that [AVAN JOGIA]? Oh no no, that was just [BEETLEJUICE], a [CANON CHARACTER] from [BEETLEJUICE THE MUSICAL]. They are [OLD] years old, use [HE/THEY], and [ARE] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

Beetlejuice has been here for about two years.

Beetlejuice's personality varied significantly between the TV series and the film; while still being an agent of chaos and a fairly macabre and objectionable character, he was more heroic than he had originally been portrayed in the film and even had a human friend (which contrasts his personality in the original film, where he labeled himself a "bio-exorcist").

In the film, Beetlejuice is shown to have the personality of a deranged con artist who used Adam and Barbara Maitland in order to cause chaos upon the residents of their home. He tends to also have a temper when anyone interferes with his "work" and known to keep grudges.

Beetlejuice has shown to be quite nasty as he tries to sexually assault Barbara numerous times and also has a somewhat demented fondness for Lydia even though he was also using her to be free to cause chaos among the living.

Beetlejuice has shown that he is a foul-mouthed, demented, and troublesome ghost who seems to only care about himself and the chaos he brings in which he sees as his profession. Although it's proven that he cares nothing for the living and would even potentially kill someone due to his tricks and won't care. Beetlejuice also has no sense of boundaries and is outright disgusting and obnoxious.

Beetlejuice was once the assistant of the Neitherworld caseworker, Juno, and later became a a freelance poltergeist who specializes in the art of "Bio-exorcism", the act of scaring living occupants out of their own house. During the film, Betelgeuse lives in exile inside of a small miniature remake of the town of Winter River, buried in the model town's graveyard. Betelgeuse can only be resurfaced by manually traveling to the town and being re-dug from his grave, and if his employers hire him can then on be instantly summoned by reciting his name three times in a row. Beetlejuice's date of birth and death are unknown but it is known by context that he died a long time ago, and has been enjoying his afterlife for what has most likely been centuries.

[sinclair-enterprises]

Oh, to be a freelance bio-exorcist when I die…

[clairjohnson]

Secret office romance? You know I love’em. I’m just over here causally shipping Beetlejuice and Miss Argentina. I like to think they worked together for Juno before he became a “freelance bio-exorcist”. He was probably a HUGE pain in the office.

They also have a short scene together in the squeal script, Beetlejuice in Love, where he says he’d like to share a waterbed with her. Horny jerk.

Also, @mr-geuse @horneyjuice and @vicunaburger aggressively encouraged me to call this ship Beauty and the Beetle and I can’t stop laughing.

[lizzie-wendigo]

I promised a long time ago a vampire Oc named Vladimir. But as always, he went through a lot of designs before he got to this one. So... here it is!

--------------------------------------

-Name: Vladimir Alucard

-Age: 282 years (appears to be 21 years old)

-Species: Humanoid Vampire

-Dedication: Freelance Exorcist (Rookie)

-Likes: whiskey, money, show your strength, show off

-Dislikes: racism, to be told that he is weak, vampire hunting kit, blessed object, garlic

-Skills: Speed, strength, he can climb walls, he have bat wings that allow him to fly, himnotism (he can erase memories, but he has yet to polish that skill), manipulation of darkness, can use it as whip, sword, razor, pistol (kind of like skills in Deadman wonderland)

-Facts:

Vlad is inspired by Inosuke- Kimetsu no yaiba

his symbol is a Purified Diamond

He prefers to be called "Vlad"

He's more foolish, arrogant, and jackass than Cuphead

He doesn't get along with Cuphead, basically because Vlad reminds him of all the stupid things he does.

He always makes the mistake of underestimating his opponents, and almost always takes a beating.

He receives a lot of discrimination from many exorcists, as it's still up for debate whether vampires are considered a subspecies of demons or not. And since he was allowed to be an exorcist, he is the first of his kind to be one.

As he is quite immature and irresponsible, he is always on the tightrope of being fired from being an exorcist, and Andromeda always gives him warnings and scolds him.

He is very competitive with Cuphead, and when he manages to overcome it, he likes to tease (although it is easy to fool him and convince him of that quality)

Vlad was in rehab for not drinking blood, as his entire family has always indiscriminately drank blood.

-BIO:

Vlad is one of the last descendants of the oldest generation of the "Dracula" family but unlike his relatives, he wanted to make a difference, and decide to fight for him well. So he was in rehab to not drink blood.

He always spent his time fighting Cuphead, since he, his brother Mugman and Cagney met him unexpectedly on a mission. At first, they believed among them that they were enemies, but they realized that they were exorcists. So even though they reluctantly agreed to team up, and for a short time, cuphead and mugman agreed to give him some teamwork advice, although of course it was very difficult with hardheads like cuphead and Vlad. Even after a small confrontation with Ms Chalice, obviously Chaice beat him without problems, and this made Vlad become depressed and question his abilities, but thanks to these experiences, with the passage of time, Vlad learned not to underestimate his opponents too much and teamwork.

In fanchild AU, Vlad still looks young (obviously), but keeps mentioning all the time that Cuphead looks "old" and asks how their family lives are going to the Cupsiblings.

In fact, Bubblegum, Abyss and Sheriff call him "Uncle Vlad" when he visits them, they have a great time with him.

-----------------------------

➤  Buy me a Ko-Fi

[georgevegaart]

Repost: @mayotl *SOME BEHIND THE SCENES ACTION* These Exorcist Variants have been flying out of the Add-On section. Here's a peak behind the curtain from Source - Concept - Inks- Colors. Click the Link in BIO to EXORCIZE Buddy from KS! #sequentialart #artwork #comicart #comicbookartist #comicbook #sketch #sketchbook #sketching #sketchers #sketchart #sketchdaily #illustration #marvelcomics #inking #draw #clipstudio #freelancer https://www.instagram.com/p/CPMaOSvHUCB/?utm_medium=tumblr

[gothiccharmschool]

You’re working with a professional here.

[theserpentsnight]

"A hundred and twenty-five years!?"

"Years...? Not days- but years in that waiting room? That's what we have to look forward to?"

"Unless the two of you make peace with what you left behind, you can't move on. That waiting room is your only other option."

“Okay, so how are we supposed to make peace?”

“Most restless spirits spend time at their place of death, or where ever their soul has bound itself, and work it out. I suggest you do the same.”

“Well its going to be kind of hard to do that when all our stuff is being messed with!”

“Yeah! We only just died, but it looked like someone was already at our house?”

“Time moves differently in the afterlife. Especially in the case of you two.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting here for you to arrive? Most recently departed spirits take maybe a few months to travel to the netherworld and enter my office. But you two? Took nearly two years! Did you not read the part that said proceed directly to the netherworld?”

“We did! We came right away!”

“…That so? Then your spirits are even weaker than I originally thought.”

“Excuse me?”

“You two didn’t have a lot of passion in your lives, did you? Hobbies, meaningful relationships, that sort of thing?”

“Um, I don’t know if I appreciate-“

“Forget it, the past is the past. If there’s two things you learn after you die, its how to be patient, and how to let things go. Now, about your earthly possessions…”

“Yes, our stuff. They threw most of it out! The only place untouched is the attic. Or at least, we assume.”

“Its locked, and we can’t pick up the key because…we’re ghosts.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Am I hearing this correctly? You didn’t figure out how to pick up corporeal objects, and you didn’t think to just walk through said corporeal objects?”

“…”

“…”

“Unbelievable. At this rate, you have no chance of haunting your own house-“

“…?”

“Um, Juno, is something wrong?”

“No, no there’s nothing wrong. Okay, tell you what, I’ll get you in touch with someone. A professional ‘bio-exorcist,’ or so he calls himself.”

“Bio-exorcist?”

“In truth, he’s a former assistant of mine who went ‘freelance’ some hundred years back. He can be… a little much, but that’s exactly what the two of you need to make up for your little of nothing.”

“Um. Thanks?”

“Get moving now, I’ll arrange for him to meet you at your house. Seriously, now. The two of you travel so slowly he’ll be there and back a thousand times before you arrive back in the living world.”

“Okay, well, thanks for all your… help.”

“Yes. Good luck. To the both of you. You’ll need it.”

[mordellestories]

Love and Necrogamy

A Beetlejuice Fanfic

Chapter 1

At seventeen years old, Lydia Deetz found herself engaged to a six-hundred-thirty-seven-year-old poltergeist. Though she had accepted the deal willingly at the time to save her new ghost parents, she had not intended to go through with it at all. Even though she did little to stop the ceremony, her family tried their damnedest to get rid of their dangerous and unwanted rescuer before he could seal the deal. And they did. Or so they thought.

Unfortunately for the teenage bride, the officiate had performed the ceremony to its completion. The words "I now pronounce you Ghost and Wife" had gone unheard by pretty much everyone in the room. Let's face it, when there is a giant sandworm crashing through your living room, it's hard to pay attention to whatever else is going on. All had retired for the evening after the tumultuous affair and were on their way to a not-so-blissful sleep until Lydia's bloodcurdling scream had everyone racing to her room. They found her in her black, bulky nightgown hopping up and down in a panic, and pulling on her finger like she was ready to be free of the appendage altogether.

"It won't come off!" She yelled, wide-eyed with her cheeks streaked with sweat and tears.

After calming the poor girl down, it was evident she was referring to the simple, gold wedding band that the vile villain had managed to slip on her ring finger before being fed to the Saturn giant. Each guardian tried their best to pull the forsaken thing off the goth girl. They tried soap. They tried baby oil. They tried ice. They tried engine oil. They even tried Delia's homemade, organic, vaginal lubricant that she claimed could rehydrate the Sahara. Nothing worked. They all decided it was too soon to be making conjectures. Delia suggested that Lydia lose a few pounds - just enough to wriggle the offensive thing free. No one had any other suggestions, so Lydia got herself on a strict diet - not that she was very hungry anyway. Finding yourself to be an unwilling, underaged bride can sort of squelch your appetite. Barbara took it upon herself to stay in Lydia's room every night, just in case.

Matters only worsened when one morning both a marriage certificate naming Lydia Deetz as Wife and Betelgeuse Horeson as Husband, and a Handbook for the Recently Married to the Deceased showed up on Lydia's vanity. While Lydia took the news with silent defeat, Barbara had a complete meltdown. As her ghostly godparents charged for the Afterlife Waiting room to appeal on her behalf, Lydia sauntered off to the local cemetery and brooded.

It had been a whole month. She had been married an entire month, but her grimy, gross husband had not come to claim her. She wondered if he was still being digested. She paced the graveyard for hours while she read her new manual on being a dead man's wife. Twisting the ring on her finger as she pondered on the endless scenarios her dark imaginings could come up with, she decided to end her misery by confronting the source of her anxiety. With newfound knowledge and courage, she went home, climbed upstairs, locked herself in her room, and waited for the witching hour. Adam and Barbara had still not returned, and Delia tried to be motherly by asking her stepdaughter if she needed her to sleep the night with her, which Lydia denied emphatically.

The house was finally quiet and midnight rolled around. Lydia touched the cool glass of her vanity mirror. Saying his name once would establish a connection, like dialling a phone number, but he would have control over answering the call. She didn't want that. Saying his name twice while touching a reflective surface would summon him to that specific object, and doing so at the time of the witching hour would give her complete control over the summons. Uttering his name three times, well, it could be deduced accurately what might happen then.

She inhaled deeply and steadily. "Betelgeuse." Her wedding band glowed green, and the hairs on her arms stood on end. "Betelgeuse." The surface of the mirror fogged over, completely obscuring any reflection. She waited, but the fog did not clear. Another long moment passed until she heard the sound of a finger gliding on moist glass beneath her hand. She removed her hand quickly and watched in awe as letters spelt themselves crudely on the mirror.

HI, POOKIE.

Lydia nearly gagged at the pet name, but her panic started to build effectively taking over her disgust. She'd made contact. "Where are you?"

HERE. A-DUH.

"Why can't I see you?" She asked suspiciously.

The fog danced on the surface silently until it began to clear enough to reveal a pair of smug blue eyes encircled by black. "Didn't think you wanted to see me, sweetums. Lookin' a little..." his hand appeared and motioned at her up and down, "traumatized." He chuckled, and his hand disappeared.

Lydia crossed her arms over her chest and gave the ghost a challenging look. "I'm just fine. Show yourself."

The poltergeist let out a chortle, and the fog vanished, revealing the merry looking dead guy dressed in swim trunks. And that was it. His mossy, black-stained chest was bare along with his protruding beer belly, and he had a little cocktail umbrella tucked behind one ear. His hair still looked like a matted mess, but it was damp and hung low on his shoulders. He was sitting on a beach chair and looking very much like the first time they'd met - not counting the snake encounter, of course.

"That's not what our little bond tells me," he smiled and raised his left hand. His wedding ring gave off a small green glow as hers had when she first called him.

The raven-haired teenager could barely keep her bored expression in place as she realized that he meant he could sense her distress.

"So!" He slapped his bare, moldy knee hard and leaned forward. "'Sup?"

Utterly amazed, Lydia shook her head. "What's up?" She said with disbelief. "What's up?! We're married. That's what's up!"

Betelgeuse splayed his hands before him and looked around before giving Lydia a confused quirk of his brow. "Yeah? That was the deal wasn' it? I save yer friends, you set me free?"

Lydia furrowed her brow and began to pace. "So, you are free , then?"

The poltergeist grinned wide and sat back, crossing his ankle over his knee. "Free as a bat at dusk, babe."

She caught a quick glimpse of something she did not want to see hanging in the gap of his bathing suit between his legs. "Ugh," she scowled and averted her gaze, "so we're square then?" She asked with impatience. "Are you done terrorizing people?"

Betelgeuse scratched the inside of his ear, then ate whatever he had pulled out. "I"m a freelance bio-exorcist. Terrorizing people is my job. And I'm very good at my job." He gave her a mischievous grin. "As you're well aware."

Lydia scoffed but silently agreed with him. "What I mean is, are you done terrorizing us. Me. My family?"

The mossy ghost looked amused as he gave Lydia a slow once-over. "Sure," he said with mild sincerity. "For now, anyway." He exposed his filthy, blackened overbite again with a snicker.

The goth girl plopped down on her bed and buried her face in her hands with defeat. "What have I done?" She breathed with quiet despair.

Betelgeuse rolled his eyes and shifted in his seat, uncomfortably. "Look, kid. You called me right outta my vacation, 'kay? I haven't done anything but enjoy some time under the Hawaiian sun. So, don't beat yerself up just yet. I've been a good boy." His eyes shifted in his sockets with uncertainty. "Unless you count what've been doin' under the sheets if ya know what I'm sayin'?"

Lydia looked up and studied the ghoul trapped in her mirror. He did not seem as menacing, manic, or dangerous as when they parted ways. "You're on vacation? In Hawaii." She almost couldn't believe it. "What happens when you get bored with that?"

He shrugged. "Well, I uh, go back to work," he replied simply. "Gotta provide for my little ball and chain." He winked at her.

She scoffed. "Consider yourself relieved from that duty." She eyed him a moment longer. "The handbook says we will be audited to make sure the marriage wasn't a fraud to get your papers."

Betelgeuse waved away her comment. "Don't you worry your pretty little head over that. I'll know when they're comin' to check up on us. I'll call ya, then you summon me, we answer a few questions, act like we're in love, badabing, no one will be the wiser."

Lydia felt a strange surge of bravery as she stood and sauntered closer to the mirror. "What if I say no?"

A darkness clouded over Betelgeuse's eyes as he gave her a hooded gaze. "We made a deal," he said with a mirthless smile.

She decided to ignore the warning in his tone. "Yeah, but I didn't know I had to see you again and again for the rest of my life. It's inconvenient."

"As I said it would be," he retorted condescendingly. He relaxed a bit and clicked his tongue. "But I get yer point. Ya know, being married to me does have its perks," he said sleazily while he waggled his eyebrows.

"Ew. Not interested," Lydia bit back with disgust.

Betelgeuse's face fell into a bored expression. "For once, I didn't mean it like that." He did — a little. "I mean," he amended, "not everyone has a talented, personal poltergeist they can whip outta their back pocket whenever they want. Think of me like a genie or somethin' like that. Shit, I'll even give ya three wishes."

Lydia considered the ghost's words. She could think of several instances in her past where a poltergeist could have been very useful. With school starting soon, she wondered if she'd make new enemies in her senior year. Plus, there was one thing she wanted more than anything that only a ghost could help her with. She had been biding her time to ask the favor of Adam and Barbara, but part of her already knew it was too great a favor to ask of them. If he wasn't going to bother her or her family, she could keep their deal a secret and use him when or if she needed to.

"Unlimited wishes and we have a deal," she bargained with a smirk.

"Five," he haggled back.

"A hundred thousand."

He stood up, scrunched up his face and shook his head. "Unlucky thirteen, my final offer," he grated through clenched teeth.

Thirteen was probably more than enough, Lydia thought. "Deal."

The poltergeist let out his famous, wild cackle. "You got it, Lyds. Now, if ya don't mind, I was about to work on my tan line before ya called. We good?"

Lydia bit her lip before answering. "I have a wish."

Betelgeuse let out a loud phlegmy sigh of impatience. "Already?" He shook his head, then sat back down in his chair. "Fine. Spit it out."

"I want you to find my mother," she mumbled quickly. "I have, um, a letter." The ball of nerves sat at her vanity, uncomfortable with his proximity despite the barrier, and pulled out her letter from a drawer. "Can you give it to her?"

The poltergeist snapped his fingers, and the letter glowed green before its astral copy was sucked out into the portal before her and into his hand. He read it right in front of her without a care.

"Well, don't read it!" She outraged.

Betelgeuse let out a whistle, folded the letter, and tucked it who-knows-where behind him. "That was awkward," he muttered before clapping his hands together, enthusiastically, "you got it, honey." With a pop, he was suddenly floating in the air dressed as some corpse version of the genie from I Dream of Jeannie. "Your wish is my command," he said in a scratchy feminine voice. He crossed his arms, gave an exaggerated nod and a blink, and then he was gone.

The mirror returned to normal as soon as he vanished, which left Lydia unnerved. She followed the instructions to trap him in the mirror, yet he was able to leave before the Witching Hour had ended. He shouldn't have been able to do that. She wasn't sure what was scarier. Him having more power than she realized, or the visual of him in a belly dancer's outfit with curves in all the wrong places.

-------

Even after losing seven pounds, the ring would not come off. It should have been enough. Lydia decided to end her fruitless diet and also turned down other ludicrous ideas of being taken to the emergency room or a mechanic to get it removed. Barbara and Adam returned after four months with unfortunate news as well. Juno reminded them that their vouchers had been depleted and even if they still had one, the caseworker could do nothing.

"But," Barbara amended, "Juno said that there would most likely be a visit from some auditors!" She exclaimed with joy. Her smile fell. "Except we don't know when they'll come or who they'll be."

Adam adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "So, it could be as early as tonight!"

"Or when I'm eighty," Lydia replied dryly.

The married couple gave each other a guilty frown. "Well, I don't think it'll be that long..." "Possibly..." They responded in unison.

Lydia shook her head and started to giggle. She gave everyone a thumbs up and turned to leave. "Going to my room now."

Barbara went to place a comforting hand on her. "I'll be right up to-"

"No, no. I don't need you to sleep in my room anymore," Lydia responded with boredom.

"But what if he comes back?" Adam retorted. "Your birthday is in a few days! What if he," the ghost stopped short when Barbara placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him from saying what he was going to say next, "comes back," he muttered.

Lydia knew what he was implying. She would be eighteen in three days, and they worried if Betelgeuse would come to try and consummate the marriage. She shrugged and giggled mirthlessly again while she sauntered up to her room. She wasn't too disturbed about their theory. When she last saw the poltergeist, he did not seem eager or even concerned with trying to claim her as his actual wife. In fact, he appeared annoyed she'd even called him. Plus, she hadn't seen or heard from him since she summoned him that one night. When Lydia entered her room, she found a box on her bed with a note.

STUDY UP, BUTTERCUP. -B

She tore the box open thinking it was something to do with her mother, but instead she found numerous pages in a stack. She flipped through some of the pages and realized it was all written accounts about Betelgeuse. The further she dug through the papers, the older the pages looked. At one point she found parchment written in what appeared to be Old English or some other language.

"What the hell?" Lydia scoured through more papers until she tossed everything back in and charged for her vanity. "Betelgeuse-Betelgeuse!"

The mirror took no time at all to reveal the poltergeist in a hideous plaid suit, his hair combed over with thick gel, and he was sporting sunglasses. His arms were opened to his sides as if they had just been curled around a waist each. Startled to find his evening prizes gone, Betelgeuse jumped back and wildly looked around. "Where'd ya go?! Come on, I thought we were havin' a good time!" His search led his gaze to Lydia. "Aw, shit," he deflated, kicked at the ground, then changed his tune. "Hey there, little missus," he crooned affectionately, "got questions for your dear ol' hubby?"

"Why did you leave your unintelligible biography on my bed?" She asked in a hushed whisper.

Betelgeuse motioned to the sky for patience. "For the audit, dear," he drawled. "You need to know some things about me if we're gonna sell this sham."

Lydia perked up at the mention of the audit. "Are they coming?"

"No, but you should be ready for when they do, because it will happen. Could be tomorrow, could be when you're eighty. Who knows. Better safe than screwed though."

The teenager fumed for a moment. "Why should play along when you haven't even granted my first wish yet?"

Betelgeuse puffed out his chest and placed his fists on his hips. "Hey! I did too!" He defended. "What did you want a certified return receipt?!"

Lydia sunk in on herself and dropped into her chair. He had delivered the letter and her mother never replied. "How long ago?"

Outraged, Betelgeuse stomped on the ground and pointed a finger at her. "Right after I left ya! I keep my end of deals, kid. You should know that by now," he barked. The ghost could tell she was down in the dumps and he couldn't have her natural inclination toward melancholy get the better of her. For the sake of his freedom, he would not allow her to go off the deep end just because her mother was an asshole. "Hey-hey, listen," he consoled as he raised his hands in supplication, "forget that broad, okay? You wouldn't even like her, honestly. Can't believe I'm gonna say this, but the red-headed-medusa is a better mommy figure for ya anyway. Plus, ya got the Sandworm cowgirl on your side now."

The goth teenager couldn't help the smirk that curled up on her lips at the nicknames the poltergeist had given her parental figures. "You've got to be joking," she snickered.

Betelgeuse removed his sunglasses then crossed his heart. "I wouldn't lie ta ya, babes."

"I think you would," she retorted playfully.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, well, not about this. I'd call your mom a cunt but she lacks the warmth and depth."

She bit back a laugh. "You know I'm a child right?" Lydia jabbed.

Betelgeuse rolled his eyes and gave her the okay sign. "Lucky for you, you'll magically turn into an adult in three days," he mocked, "you can appreciate my humor then."

Lydia gulped down her sudden distress. He knew her eighteenth birthday was fast approaching.

The poltergeist scrutinized her brief but apparent displeasure. He was quick to deduce the problem. He chuckled. "All right, babe, I've got some bets to place on some crap tables, so unless you have another wish ready, I gotta hit it."

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. "Well, there is this girl named Claire…"

A sleazy grin spread wide on his face. "Go on ."

-------

Lydia spent her birthday week in complete bliss. She had been pampered by her family, and Claire was out of school because she had scabies. The evening of her birthday was somewhat awkward. The Maitlands and her parents stayed up with her until midnight, of course, they never mentioned the reasoning behind their motives but Lydia knew. Midnight came and went and Betelgeuse made no appearance. When Barbara finally left Lydia's room the goth girl locked her door with a sigh of relief. There was a sudden rush and a green glow that came from her vanity. Lydia whirled around fully expecting Betelgeuse to be standing smack in the middle of her room in one of his ridiculous getups holding onto a bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates and a perverted smirk plastered on his face. What she found was a flat, velvet black box with an elaborate red bow. 

She looked at her mirror for signs of her husband, but he was not there. She approached her gift with caution and gingerly untied the bow. When she lifted the lid, Lydia gasped. Delicately, she grazed her fingers on the finest red fabric she'd ever seen. She pulled it out of the box and raised it before her. A red and black spiderweb poncho that was perfect for her size. She would have scoffed and tossed it aside, it was something she'd never wear, but when she glanced at her mirror she couldn't help but smile. She shook her head, folded her gift and placed it back in the case. She hid it with all the other things that were from him, everything she wore on their farce of a wedding and his biography were carefully tucked away in a steamer trunk with a false bottom. Just in case he could hear or see her she decided to be polite.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

No reply came.

----

Love and Necrogamy is a Beetlejuice multi-chapter fanfic on Ao3 and FF by mordelle. (complete)

[mostghcst-a]

Mostghcst’s About Page

Physical

Name: Betelgeuse  /  Beetlejuice Gender;;Male Age;; n/a Occupation;;  Ex-Psychopomp (Reaper). Current Bio-Exorcist (freelance). Species;; Poltergeist. Ghost. Ghoul. Eyes;; Blue Hair;; Blonde. Filthy. Skin;; Graying w/ hints of green Height;;  5'9" Weight;; 235 lb

Personality

Meyers-Briggs: ESTP ( “The Entrepreneur” ) – what others might call a straight shooter. You enjoy action & are comfortable with risk. When evaluating a situation, you look at the facts & not necessarily the feelings of other people involved. You don’t have a lot of practice with theories, preferring to work in a more literal & concrete setting. Although introspection isn’t your strong point, people tend to underestimate your intelligence.

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral. These characters do whatever the hell they like and damn the consequences (unless they’re too noble or hurtful, watch out for that part!). Some say they’re the ultimate free spirits, others that they’re just crazy. Either way, there’s no telling what they’ll decide to do next — their main, and often only, concern is their own freedom. Whose side are they on? It’s doubted that they even know themselves.

Behavior

Betelgeuse’s behavior is lead almost entirely by whim. He is chaotic by nature & often desires simply to cause chaos for attention, revenge, or any other selfish reasons. He is childish, often incredibly so, & does not take well to being spoken down to or threatened. He also has a tendency to become violent rapidly, though it’s often a last resort. He will always throw his words before his fists.

Despite his often feigned idiocy, Betelgeuse is the definition of the P. T. Barnum trope. He is a showman & a swindler & he is VERY proud of it. He manipulates & cons others in order to obtain what he wants: that tends to vary wildly. He has no singular goal, other than NOT being stagnant. His aspirations can vary from moment to moment .

[fairymoved]

current character bios

Evelyn Grant

A recent college graduate who seeks a story to inspire her new life as an occult blogger after spending most of her days pampered by her wealthy parents in Southern California. With a fresh conspiracy on her hands and a muse found in the mysterious magic wielding women only known as witches, Eve is prepared to get her scoop in exchange for a few quick freelance bucks. But as she dives deeper into the dark, hidden secrets looming over Los Angeles and its inhabitants, she realizes she is in for much more than she had originally planned.

Yumi Ferris

A witch of thieves who lives in infamy for her dealings with the Black Market and the history of violence and shady bargains that come with it. Snarky and secretive on the surface with a colorful history with Evelyn Grant, Yumi is not the easiest person to trust, let alone approach. Yumi has already had a long streak of getting into business with the worst of people and somehow coming out on top, but her most recent gamble with a mysterious client may be more than she can pull off without losing something in the process.

Demetri Simmons

A god of intoxication who just recently received the honor of being bestowed the gift of eternal life, eternal fame, and eternal influence over the entirety of the Black Market to the end of days. Demetri is more than eager to abandon his past life in exchange for one of glory and praise from humanity, planning to throw endless parties to celebrate his godhood, but even he finds himself unable to escape a creeping fear and loneliness all the luxuries in the world can’t keep away.

Adrian Steel

A crow harpy and current familiar of Yumi Ferris, Adrian is an eclectic artistic mind often overshadowed by a dim and gullible one. Though eager to pursue his short-lived profession as a familiar, Adrian is also personally driven by his need to create extravagant works of art for the viewing pleasures of humans everywhere. Varying from insultingly simple to grand and abstract, Adrian’s projects make for some fascinating landmarks around the city, despite often detracting from his duties as Yumi’s assistant.

Lea Mari Ismail

A powerful but kind nature witch who lives in a magically altered stretch of land known as The Citrus Desert. Lea Mari is an immensely talented and wise figurehead of witchcraft that dates back to experience “as old as the Earth itself.” While unaffected by time due to her eternal bond to the Earth, Mari has years upon years to hone her craft while never making the mistake of getting too attached to her fading friendships.

Cyrus West

An occult hunter who makes a living killing and often times poaching more dangerous oddities for pay from a-mysterious- organization-who-must-not-be-named or whoever is capable of affording his services. Despite a grisly job description, Cyrus is a rather levelheaded and friendly man and only ever seeks out targets that are an active threat to society, even getting along with most witches that summon them in the first place. But there isn’t much that Cyrus won’t do with a paycheck on the line.

Maya Madan

A struggling love goddess who owns a love hotel in Los Angeles as a last attempt to acquire a following. A hopeless romantic and advocate for sparking lasting relationships between her clients, Valerie is an excellent matchmaker with a keen eye for business and pink, but even she knows that her deadline is coming and the time for a new heir is quickly approaching. Despite years of spreading her love all over the world, Maya is forced to make a decision if it means keeping love alive.

Elizabeth Sanders

A wistful but violent sea witch who resides somewhere near the Pacific Ocean, rarely ever communicating with humans beyond sinking their ships, ruining their fishing trips, and drowning them if they don’t paddle back to shore in time. Elizabeth has singlehandedly put people off from going to the beach for years though as to why remains a mystery and has earned her the ire of fellow witches who are left oblivious to her motivations.

Caroline Cortez 

A ancient witch goddess that is rumored to be the origin of all magic to witches who worship her. Despite an intimidating presence, Caroline is a civil and pleasant woman who has walked the earth for what is hinted to be eons of time. A terrifying abomination to some, a mother figure to many, and a sign of the encroaching apocalypse to exactly one person-no matter the title, Caroline’s power goes unquestioned by all those who have the honor and horror of meeting her themselves.

Lauren Blanchet

A local art dealer to the public and a witch that specializes in hypnosis in private, the widow of the late Marcus Blanchet is a complex character to anyone who may know her. Stunningly beautiful, charming, and intelligent, Lauren rarely ever needs her abilities to put people under her control, even if it makes things much easier. Despite her popularity with humans, Lauren has earned the scorn of most of her kind due to her unorthodox methods of using witchcraft on an unsuspecting public.

Naomi Grey

A dove harpy and college student who is the recurring familiar of Lauren Blanchet, making her one of few of her kind contractually bound to serving a certain witch willingly. As a practical and headstrong young woman, Naomi is a reliable accomplice, able to perform the most challenging of tasks with ease and still have time for her schoolwork. But Naomi seems to be sticking around with Lauren for other reasons beyond the promise of payment.

Anna Lewis

A seraphim angel who, after the disbandment of heaven, lives among humans as a therapist and open-minded lover to all who step in her office…or anywhere close to her, for that matter. Always harboring interest in humanity and the concept of sin, Anna takes any opportunity she can to dive into the minds, and down the pants, of the most troubled humans she can find. Anna is taking her time on earth rather well, though admits to feeling bored for the long stretches of time she knows she’ll be spending without the ability to access her true self again.

Calypso DeMolay

An equally well-respected and feared archangel, head messenger, and former member of God’s council who now reluctantly lives on earth after heaven’s disbandment. Despite her less than favorable position, Calypso has taken advantage of her keen understanding of humanity to become a worldwide success story and is known now as the mastermind behind a series of popular self-help books. But after years spent trapped on earth, all the wealth and admiration in the world has yet to fully satisfy her and Calypso sets out to do what she believes God cannot.

Beatrice Song

A vulture harpy from South Korea who is hired to work for Calypso as a secretary and all-around private assistant. As a woman of organization, cleanliness, and business, Beatrice strides as a loyal but bitter right hand woman to Calypso’s larger than life ideals, always ensuring that the angel stay afloat and stay wealthy. But Beatrice wasn’t only hired for her sharp intellect, but rather her spotless record as an infamous predator only known as the “Night Vulture”.

Allison Ford

The daughter of Father Ford and the most popular nun of the Catholic Church, Sister Allison Ford is a young lady of questionable behavior and diet. With the church she was raised under going into bankruptcy, Allison has only the witches that fill the town in secret to blame and begins to secretly doubt the faith in both her religion, herself, and her father who is too overwhelmed to give her any proper attention. That is until she discovers a newer, brighter future ahead of her that welcomes her with wings wide open.

Elijah Ramirez

A young deacon who works at the Catholic Church, currently in the midst of trying to make money to keep it from closing its doors forever. Through a humble and private person, Elijah lives out a dangerous profession behind the scenes as a demon exorcist who does odd jobs for those requesting his special skills. Though an average human with an abnormal quirk for communicating with the dead and forgotten souls of the world, Elijah never felt the need to flex his physic muscle to impress people and rather to provide services for the sake of community and payment.