#freedom from unreachable expectations

[healing-and-free]

Some things I made this week:

But first, a note. I make lots of things from scratch and I grow what food I can, not out of fear but out of love and I desire to learn important life skills and to provide myself and my family with the best tasting and best quality of foods and of life that I can on a budget. It’s more sustainable and better for the planet because I have less waste. It also provides time for my kids to work alongside me to learn these skills but to also spend quality time together.

I made two loaves of sourdough, peanut and cashew butter, rosemary lavender spray for my hair, and I dried out some old baguette to make breadcrumbs so I can make meatballs this weekend.

As I do all these things I fight past the memories of voices of my family saying why bother, why work so hard, what a waste of time. But I’ve always been different than them.

I love them, I get along with them, but I’m not one of them - not really. And they aren’t like me, and I don’t expect that from them. Even when they expect it from me. I won’t let it weigh me down anymore.

[antiquatedplumbobs]

~an excerpt from Violet Sewell's private journal~

Winter 1912

It's been quiet here lately; the bustle of the holiday season has calmed to a hushed stillness more typical to deep winter in Brindleton. 

A fearsome blizzard last week kept us confined to the house for several days and dampened our spirits, Charlie's fifth birthday offered a much-needed spot of excitement for us amidst the snow. Cake is always a good way to cheer up an irritable, cooped up household, and I was even able to bring a bit of a taste of warmer months to it by adorning it with some candied lemon I found at the back of the cupboard. The worst of the weather seems to have passed now, with only some small flurries here and there. 

The children were thrilled at the opportunity to get out of the house and play in all the freshly fallen snow. Elsie showed Charlie how to steer the old sled we have, and their gales of laughter from the hill behind the barn could be heard from inside the kitchen. I also spied some snow angels at the top of the hill, one a bit smaller than the other, when I was out feeding the chickens. I am so very grateful to have raised such a kind and helpful daughter; her assistance has been invaluable to me as he's grown. Sometimes I envy her early experience with helping to raise a boy — I certainly could have used that when I first had Willy and Freddy. 

The heavy blizzard and deep snow halted travel for a few days; even our closest neighbors, the Parrs, have been unreachable. Once the paths are cleared, society shall resume a bit more, and they'll both be off to the schoolhouse together. I know Elsie is excited to see her friends, even if Charlie made a suitable stand-in during the blizzard. This will be the first time in almost two decades that I have been alone in the house without a small child clinging to my skirts or weighed down by an expectant baby. The idea of this freedom is an attractive concept: I am not as young as I once was and must say I am glad to be done with mothering little ones.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

next / previous / first

[swannbond]

HISTORICAL / D&D VERSE.... IT'S IN THE BLOOD AND THIS IS TRADITION

Every king needs a spymaster and James Bond is an infamous one. And his daughter is his greatest asset. Even before he became the one pulling the strings, Bond knew that there are some places even the best spies cannot enter and contacts they cannot reach. Only a woman can. So when his wife Madeleine gave birth to a beautiful baby girl they called Mathilde, he knew she was destined to sit at his right hand. And so it happened.

As soon as Mathilde could walk and form rational thoughts, her father taught her the art of espionage: influence, seduct, deceive, and eliminate if necessary. She was a natural at it from the start, wrapping courtiers around her little finger and worming her way into many places she should not be. As she grew older, and more beautiful, it became clear that she would fulfill the expectations her father had of her.

At the age of fifteen, she was officially introduced at court and given a position as lady-in-waiting to the queen. And she performed marvelously. She became indispensable to her mistress, giving her father access to information and influence otherwise unreachable. She established herself as a vibrant, intelligent and influential young woman, albeit with a tendency for insolence and stubbornness.

At the age of eighteen, she was married off to a young, ambitious nobleman, who perished only fifteen months later in battle. She has refused to remarry since, realising that the status of a widow gives her greater freedom and fortune than that of a married woman. While unconventional, her friendship with the queen allows her to do as she pleases.

She travels often, always under the guise of visiting friends but often to further her father's interests. Rumors fly that she is responsible for at least three suspicious deaths but no one has been able to prove anything. She cares little for the gossip at court, as even courtiers and the king's ministers have found their way to her for favors, information and influence.

D&D Class: Rogue, Mastermind archetype

For this verse, I will use Jo.di Co.mer in The White Princess as faceclaim.

[crimsontroupe]

Talking about Aliah for a moment while my brain refuses to work on replies.

I find it very interesting that for as long as Absalom existed, so did the Margolus family. (gestures to the sky) Their conception was just that they broke off from an already existing mage family. And with that comes the necessity to prove yourself and the reason for cutting off ties with the rest of the family. 

As the Margolus’ rose, so did the rift between them and the original family. ‘Soma are you borrowing names and characters and concepts from your other stuff’ yep! My city now. The Margolus are/were a branch of the Cantorixes, and there is some rivalry between them as you would expect. And that necessity bleeds into the current year, and has been in effect for the longest time. There is a lot of pressure on 'being useful', which usually translates into most of the family becoming public servants of some kind. You are contributing to the city, which proves your value above 'some people' wanting magic and power and secrets to themselves.

Of course the Margoluses want that, too. And they do possess it. Having their own people ingrained so deeply into Absalom's society gives them immense political capital. It gives them a lot of freedom to move around pieces the way they want, to set things the way they want.

This will tie into the eventual post that I will make about Aliah and his half-siblings (and his relationship - and lack of one - with them), but it is only logical that he is a teacher and a politician. It is only logical that his family would push him as one of the possible candidates for the Primarch, as if his accomplishments as Spell Lord are not enough.

While Aliah does not view others by how much they accomplished, he does view his family members and regards them based on their contributions to the city as a whole, and their potential. And when you think about it, his dedication to the city is absolute. He has his own goals (and that might involve the fraying of reality as we know it), until he accomplishes them himself... it is very obvious that he will dedicate his entire energy towards the city and its protection. Absalom is plagued with many issues, but it is also supported by people who would rather not have the city crumble until they can achieve what they want.

Aliah is one of those people. He is ruthless and he will appear almost 'evil' depending on your intent, but he takes his job very seriously. His jobs, rather - he is an excellent teacher and a great tutor, provided you are willing to learn. You may ask him anything, and he will answer. But you need to possess the desire for knowledge, the desire to improve. As unreachable as he is, and as enigmatic as he is - there is a side of him people can achieve if they play their cards correctly.

Not that getting his attention is any good, but that is not what should matter to you is it-- He truly is a person who despite his own personal alignment (chaotic evil) poses and acts as lawful evil in society, due to understanding its necessity and its value. One day I will write down the relationship between his family and the other important Absalom families but... someday.

I have just been (thinking emoji) about his deep connection and love to Absalom, which is the closest you will get to genuine feelings out of him. He enjoys the sea, his lair faces the port so he can watch the ships come and go. There are distinct smells in the city (spices, magic, perfumes) that you cannot get anywhere. He is a perfect fit for the city, despite his own goals. And interestingly enough, his own opinions do not necessarily reflect the ones of his family. So he does favor some interesting people and takes some under his wing that might not be viewed in a positive light by some of his old folks. Spoiler alert: he does not care   

I was going to write more but then I realized I was about to enter another subject entirely so. Another time. (I am forcibly removed from the stage before I start talking about fantasy politics for another 2000 words)

[techrish]

Cat Skiing Adventures in Whistler, BC with White Grizzly

Nestled in the majestic snow-laden landscapes of Whistler, British Columbia, cat skiing takes winter adventures to new heights. White Grizzly, a venerable name in the world of mountain escapades, invites thrill-seekers to embark on an unforgettable journey through the untouched powder of Whistler's backcountry. In this article, we delve into the heart of cat skiing in Whistler, BC, exploring the exhilarating adventures that await those who dare to traverse the snow-covered slopes.

Cat Skiing Whistler - A Winter Wonderland Unveiled:

Cat skiing in Whistler is a symphony of untouched powder, alpine vistas, and the thrill of carving through pristine slopes. White Grizzly, with its rich legacy dating back to 1998, stands as a pioneer in delivering authentic mountain experiences. The allure of cat skiing lies in its ability to transport adventurers to areas unreachable by traditional means, opening doors to a winter wonderland that captivates the senses.

White Grizzly's Commitment to Excellence:

Founded in 1998, White Grizzly has been a beacon of excellence in the world of cat skiing. In 2020, a passionate group of backcountry enthusiasts took the reins, breathing new life into the legacy while upholding the commitment to safety and guest satisfaction. The result is a cat skiing experience that goes beyond expectations, where every turn down the mountain is a testament to the dedication of the White Grizzly team.

The Thrill of Cat Skiing Whistler:

Cat skiing in Whistler offers a unique blend of adventure and serenity. Imagine being transported by a powerful snowcat to the untouched peaks of the backcountry, where the only sound is the swish of your skis or snowboard against the powder. White Grizzly's small group sizes and expert guides ensure a personalized and intimate experience, allowing adventurers to relish the freedom of the mountains without the constraints of crowded slopes.

Safety First, Adventure Always:

At White Grizzly, safety is paramount. The commitment to upholding high standards is ingrained in the operation's ethos. Cat skiing in Whistler with White Grizzly is designed for enthusiasts of all levels, from seasoned powder aficionados to those taking their first plunge into the backcountry. With a focus on safety and personalized adventures, guests can immerse themselves in the thrill of cat skiing, knowing they are in capable hands.

Conclusion:

Cat skiing in Whistler, BC, with White Grizzly, is an invitation to unlock the winter enthusiast within. The untouched powder, the grandeur of the mountains, and the legacy of White Grizzly converge to create an adventure that transcends the ordinary. As you carve through the snow-covered slopes, you're not just skiing; you're becoming a part of the rich tapestry of cat skiing in Whistler, where every adventure is a story waiting to be told. Embark on this journey with White Grizzly and let the mountains become your playground of winter dreams.

[unknownjpegs]

shade

The half-empty shampoo bottle slips from her shaking grasp. Lands with a cracking thud on the cool tile, plastic shell separating in a jagged line. A trail of blueish fluid spins out in a hypnotizing spiral as momentum sends it skittering across the ground. Slides right under the rungs of the bunk bed, all the way back against the wall where it’s unreachable.

Mess. Mess, mess, mess. Just a big fucking mess. Just another fucking mess.

One more thing she has to do, one more thing she needs to handle, to clean up. Another task between her and freedom — which is so, so close she could actually taste it. Bittersweet on her heavy tongue, rich like butterscotch candies and honeysuckle-nostalgia. Enough sugar to decay.

And it does. Rots into memories of better things, good things, sweet other freedoms: sitting in the shade under a willow in North Carolina on her grandparent’s farm. Sitting in the shade with her college friends outside the student union at Penn, drinking overpriced taro milk tea and laughing about some celebrity gossip. Sitting in the shade of autumn with her mom and Isaac, knees knocking together as they rock the porch swing and watch the dogs yap at each others’ ankles through the crunch of leaves.

Shade has always meant safety. Somewhere to escape the heat of the sun, find a moment to cool off, rest and recuperate. She’s never before felt danger in the shadows; has always leapt across the wavering boundary of sunlight with no expectations but a temperate embrace of relief. Shade's shelter. 

She doesn’t feel sheltered or embraced now. She fears.

The last twelve hours have made her realize this: she has never experienced real, true fear. It is much different than the race of her heart after a movie jumpscare and scream queen shriek; a snake on the hiking trail; the bubble of excitement in the arm-raise drop on a Coney Island coaster.

Fear is the thing watching over her shoulder. Fear is men with guns that know how to use them, who use fists and knives otherwise. Fear is the gentle threat of her mother’s address being recited with chilling accuracy.

Matilda drops to the ground, ignoring the jab of pain in her knees. She could fall into that sting, do something with it, burst into action.

She doesn't. Instead she soaks in the embrace of self-pity, cool like shade. Tears prick at her eyes — that’s good. It feels welcoming to turn from the sun, to hide, to weep. So she allows them to spill over and fall freely.

Her mind zooms out: imagines herself as a morose, baroque painting. Maybe framed in grainy 8mm, a gorgeous sexplotiation-era nun with running mascara. Wonders if she looks pitiful-pretty, slumped in a heap and crying, crying, crying. 

She thinks about needing to wear long pants later; her shins will purple within the hour, skin blossoming with a nasty, deep bruise that’ll stick around much longer than it should. Take your iron pills, Matilda, and the voice sounds like her mother.

Oh, her mom. She wants a hug, wants someone to ice her sore legs, to rub her back and let her cry and tell her it'll fade into a distant memory. Because this whole fucking experience? It's just been a nasty, deep bruise. 

All civilian contracts extended until further notice. Comply with orders and continue job operations as previously outlined. Indicate agreement and return to supervisory agent by below date.

It hadn’t been her signature on the bottom of the page. Someone had forged it. Forged it with care, too. Had her little twirling coil around the T and everything. That T makes her nauseous to think about. 

God, does she feel stupid. Matilda can count the number of times she’s felt stupid on one hand. 

It was just supposed to be a temp job.

[yachtlifestyle]

The Top Reasons to Charter a Yacht in Vibrant Miami

The Top Reasons to Charter a Yacht in Vibrant Miami

Introduction

Picture yourself cruising along the sparkling waters of Miami, surrounded by luxury and comfort—the wind in your hair, the sun kissing your skin. Yacht charters in Miami offer an unparalleled experience, blending opulence with the vibrant charm of this iconic city. In this article, we'll explore the top reasons why chartering a yacht in Miami is a must for those seeking a unique and memorable getaway.

Luxurious Experience

Unmatched Comfort and Style

Miami's yacht charters redefine luxury, providing a level of comfort and style that surpasses traditional vacations. From plush interiors to spacious decks, every detail is crafted for a truly lavish experience.

Personalized Service on Board

The crew on these yachts doesn't just meet expectations; they exceed them. Personalized service ensures that your every need is anticipated and met, adding an extra layer of indulgence to your journey.

Exploring Miami's Beauty

Scenic Coastline and Iconic Landmarks

Miami's coastline is a sight to behold, and chartering a yacht offers an exclusive front-row seat. Sail past iconic landmarks like the Art Deco Historic District or the stunning Miami skyline, witnessing the city's beauty from a unique perspective.

Unique Perspectives from the Water

A yacht allows you to explore hidden coves and secluded spots unreachable by land. Experience the magic of Miami from different angles, creating memories against the backdrop of the city's breathtaking scenery.

Freedom and Flexibility

Tailoring the Itinerary to Preferences

Unlike conventional vacations, yacht charters allow you to tailor your itinerary. Whether you seek vibrant nightlife or tranquil sunsets, the flexibility of a yacht charter ensures your journey caters to your preferences.

Secluded Spots and Hidden Gems

Discover hidden gems along Miami's coast, away from crowded tourist spots. The freedom to explore secluded beaches or anchor in tranquil waters adds an element of exclusivity to your adventure.

Entertainment on the Waves

On-Board Amenities and Water Activities

Yachts are equipped with an array of amenities, from jacuzzies to water toys. Enjoy snorkeling, paddleboarding, or simply bask in the sun, transforming your yacht into a floating entertainment hub.

Sunset Cruises and Starlit Skies

As the day transitions to night, yachts offer a front-row seat to Miami's mesmerizing sunsets. Continue the magic with a starlit cruise, creating unforgettable moments under the night sky.

Culinary Delights

Gourmet Dining with a View

Indulge your taste buds with gourmet dining on board, prepared by skilled chefs. Enjoy meals with a backdrop of Miami's skyline or choose a beachside setup for an alfresco dining experience.

Local Flavors and Fresh Seafood

Savor the flavors of Miami, with fresh seafood and local delicacies served to perfection. Yacht charters not only offer a feast for the eyes but also a culinary journey through the region.

Socializing and Celebrations

Ideal for Gatherings and Special Occasions

Yacht charters provide an ideal setting for celebrations. Whether it's a birthday, anniversary, or a simple get-together, the ambiance and exclusivity create an unforgettable experience.

Creating Lasting Memories with Loved Ones

The intimate setting of a yacht allows you to connect with loved ones on a deeper level. Create lasting memories as you share laughter, stories, and the beauty of Miami's waters.

Professional Crew

Trained and Friendly Staff

The professional crew ensures a safe and enjoyable journey. Their expertise, combined with friendly service, adds an extra layer of confidence to your yacht charter experience.

Ensuring a Safe and Enjoyable Journey

Safety is a top priority on yacht charters. Crew members provide briefings on emergency protocols, ensuring passengers are well-informed and secure throughout the journey.

Cost-Effective for Groups

Sharing Expenses Among Friends or Family

Contrary to common belief, yacht charters can be cost-effective, especially when shared among friends or family. Splitting the expenses makes luxury more accessible than one might think.

Comparing Costs with Traditional Vacations

Consider the overall costs of a yacht charter versus a traditional vacation. When factoring in accommodation, dining, and entertainment, the value of a yacht charter becomes evident.

Environmental Friendliness

Sustainable Practices in Yacht Charters

Many yacht charter companies prioritize environmental sustainability. Explore the beauty of Miami's waters responsibly, appreciating nature without leaving a significant ecological footprint.

Appreciating Nature Responsibly

Yacht charters allow you to enjoy nature without compromising it. Responsible practices ensure that future generations can also experience the beauty of Miami's coastline.

Choosing the Right Yacht

Considering Size and Amenities

Choosing the right yacht involves considering factors like size and onboard amenities. Researching and understanding your preferences will guide you to the perfect vessel for your adventure.

Researching Reputable Charter Companies

Not all yacht charter companies are equal. Thoroughly research and choose a reputable company, ensuring a seamless and enjoyable experience from booking to disembarkation.

Planning Your Charter

Booking Process and Considerations

Understanding the booking process and considering essential factors is crucial. Plan in advance to secure the ideal yacht for your preferred dates and itinerary.

Customizing the Experience for Your Group

Yacht charters are highly customizable. Work with the charter company to tailor the experience to your group's preferences, ensuring a truly personalized journey.

Safety Measures

Importance of Safety on the Water

Safety should always be a priority when chartering a yacht. Understanding and adhering to safety measures ensures a worry-free and enjoyable time on the water.

Briefing on Emergency Protocols

A thorough briefing on emergency protocols is a standard practice on yacht charters. Familiarize yourself with these procedures to guarantee preparedness in any unforeseen circumstances.

Conclusion

In conclusion, chartering a yacht in vibrant Miami is more than a luxurious experience—it's an opportunity to explore, indulge, and create lasting memories. From the freedom to tailor your itinerary to the breath taking beauty of Miami's coastline, a yacht charter promises an unparalleled adventure.

Looking for best yacht rental company in miami beach? Click here to get your yacht: https://yachtrentalmiamiflorida.com/purchase/

[lunarsilkscreen]

Love as a decision

A lot of people don't believe in the fairy tale idea of "Love". So much so, that most heterosexual relationships are based on necessity or objectives.

This is the basis of the idea of "Wife" as a profession.

In many cultures around the world, the wife is expected to be a servant and maid who keeps the house for the husband. (I will not argue against you if you're saying "well he's busy, and somebody needs to clean this house." You're not in that kind of relationship.)

There's certainly differences based on where you are on the wealth spectrum, but that's the framework set by society.

It's why "Stay at home Dad" is still a strange concept to many, and yet also tolerated.

Because the poorer think "Oh, well we both work so what's your problem?" And the richer say "Why don't you just hire a nanny? There's money to be made and philanthropy to do."

So who is saying there needs to be one parent working? I'm not arguing for or against, I'm pointing out the discourse and perspectives. It would obviously make both lives easier if both worked toward the same goal and found it fulfilling.

But many people see chores, as just that; chores. Those things you can get done in your free time.

You sleep at work, so you can spend time at home with your family doing chores together.

Later down the road, Husbands and Wives realize that there's another definition of "Love" something unreachable. Maybe even unrealistic.

Some confuse it for passion, the drive to do the ick.

Or the thrill; The early excitement when fooling around was something taboo and to do in secret where your parents couldn't catch you.

Rick and Morty fans know the phrase "Love is Work".

This idea that suffering together is the definition of Love. Instead weathering the storm with somebody you love.

Love is the decision to F*. Or to have children. Or to suffer together.

That's what they say anyway. The ethereal *Love* doesn't exist to many, a child's fantasy. If you're not buying and selling and conserving wealth, then it doesn't matter.

"We have children to help work the farm. we marry as a form of social currency. We marry, so that we get something tangible out of it."

A dowry, an heir, a codependency, a way out of debt. A way to freedom if you find somebody wealthy enough.

But "Love"--Not the unconditional love that can only come from God, or between a parent and child. You know what I mean by Love. And yet there's all these other definitions we use "love" and "lover" for instead.

Even husband and wife have that negative context to it.

I can love all the people I want, but if they don't love me back; it's not Love.

And there's people I've met that are more like siblings and family than actual blood relations. That's a Form of love.

But that one True Love. That everybody seems to be searching for, or settling for something else instead; what is that? And more than that: what is it worth?

Is it something we can only truly appreciate in the afterlife? Would we know if it bit us in the a*?

Even if we found it: how would we know that we weren't trying to sell ourselves this lie and creating a false sense of passion. Like striking gold, or oil. How would we know the thrill and novelty wouldn't just wear off like everything else does?

[coffeespiller]

Portia’s Point Of View

Nothing has made me feel as millennial as watching her being such a stereotypical Gen-Z. Although I understand what she’s going through, the empathy is not nearly as big as my will to reject the cause of depression just because it’s a depressing life.

The truth is that there is an undeniable relationship between one’s expectations of life and the time you spend in the social media apps. This is very specific to this age-group. Fulfillment is unreachable by the very nature that drives the timeline we’ve put ourselves in. You just can’t live everything at the same time, you just can’t be everywhere at the same time, let alone be and not be in a relationship at the same time. That’s the virtue of time, things can only happen in a straight series of events.

I’ve actually waited way too long to publish this post. It actually prevented me from publishing even more. The thing is, as much as I fight for having the freedom to just write everything that chokes my brain, not being able to finish a post becomes the choking point anyway. So I decided to wrap this up without having to go into the details of what I wanted to say, just to be able to keep writing about other stuff.

For what is worth, one article that triggered me here was this one: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/12/10/style/white-lotus-costumes-portia.html

[aokijo]

Snippets of my time off from work to rewind and restart- Part 1 #life #brunei #places #art I was trying to redefine myself, like what am I? What I’m looking for when I do what I do? It wasn’t easy for me. Especially when I only have a certain amount of personal space and freedom to execute it growing up. Luckily, meeting new people has always been a very refreshing part of my life and my work. I slowly explored into deeper meaning while doing it. During my off time, I kept hearing #expressoneself lately. Something sounded so easy but almost unreachable for me growing up. Looking back, I was given a few art lessons with oil pastel when I first learned that I love drawing, and at the age of 8, I was extremely fascinated by 3D coloring- mind you, it was in the early 90s, where 3D art is unheard of in my environment. Unfortunately, due to unforeseeable circumstances, I have to stop taking class. Very often growing up, I’ve things given and taken away from me the moment I felt the happiest. Thus, I learned to try my hardest to enjoy until the moment last. #loveforyourself Personally, I believe you are the strongest when you are not limiting yourself. I learned “resilience” from the growth of my lotus pod, I understood and forgive the hardships of life, it’s to allow us to withstand the life beyond our own expectations. #lifelessons #brunei (at Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClMrbFmhNVb/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[yunhohours]

Hii ~~ Can you perhaps do what minghao would be like in a relationship based on his chart? I loved all your analysis of seventeen. I find his chart so interesting, the scorpio and aquarius placements especially.

Minghao's chart is so... Minghao.

Beginning with the type of person he'd be attracted to: I expect that he would gravitate towards intellectuals. Not that you necessarily have to be the smartest person in the room (though that helps), but you at least need to be someone that wants/likes to learn. He is a lifelong student, always seeking out more information from wherever he can find it, and he'll want someone that he can share that knowledge with. He also wants to be able to find you a source of knowledge that he can learn from. It could be as simple as you being particularly well-informed about a passion, hobby, or job of yours, but exploring life and all it has to offer is vital to him. He will want someone that doesn't mind his tendency to dive deep into topics that others might see as "too dark" or "taboo" right away. He doesn't care for small talk. He wants to talk about the things that most people only talk about in private. He needs dedication and reliability, but also a willingness to act on impulse when a whim takes over him. At the very least, a willingness to let him act on his whims alone if you're not participating. He desires his freedom (aqua moon, sag mars) and doesn't trust easily (scorpio sun, capricorn venus), so it will take a lot for him to be willing to settle down with anyone and open himself up. His standards are unreachable for most. The number one deal-breaker for him is TRUST. He is excellent at reading people and he will be able to tell if you are lying to him. This includes lying by omission or minimizing something that is bigger than you're making it seem. One small misstep in the area of trust and it's over.

As far as pursuing, it can really be a toss-up for him depending on the scenario. His sag mars can take a very light-hearted, adventure-seeking approach to sex so if he is looking to just hook up with someone, he can be quite direct about this. His scorpio placements will help to charm your pants right off. But if he's interested in someone for more than just sex, he will probably be less direct. He will feel you out a little at a time. He'll probably put you through "tests" to see if you can be trusted (nothing toxic, even just little questions to see how you respond can be good enough). He'll ask you a lot of future-oriented questions to a) see if you are compatible for the long-term and b) indirectly show you that he is interested in having you around for a long time. He's more likely to develop a friendship with someone he's interested in first and progress to a romantic relationship assuming you're a good fit.

In a relationship, Minghao loves you intensely. His scorpio placements make him your number one protector. His cap venus takes care of you. He wants you to know that you can rely on him for the big things, the small things, and everything in-between. You won't even have to ask him to do things for you—he just will. He will personally part the oceans to be with you and take care of you if it's the last thing he does. It is important to him that he still feels like he is his own person with his own thoughts, beliefs, and opinions, but he wants you to have your own as well and he admires you for them. He will show his love through actions more than words. He may struggle to process and verbalize his emotions properly, but he feels them very strongly nonetheless. He's absolutely the type to tease you as a form of affection, but if he crosses a boundary by accident, he will go above and beyond to correct himself. The last thing he wants is to hurt you. However... he can be unrestrained when he's angry, so fighting with him is not for the weak. His tongue is sharp (scorpio mercury) and his patience can be low (sag mars). It's likely that he can come across cold and harsh when his temper flares. He may even physically exit the situation if he's mad enough. That being said, his sag mars doesn't stay heated for long so it should die down pretty quickly. Just be careful what you say/do in these moments. His scorpio placements never forget, even if they forgive. That passion that he loves you with extends across the entire relationship—the not-so-fun parts too. Encourage him to take care of himself, especially mentally/emotionally. Meditations, yoga, any healing practices are good for him! His scorpio placements pick up easily on all the bad vibes around him so he needs to protect his own.

I mentioned earlier that he may see sex as a light-hearted adventure and that is true, though it may be a bit more than that once he's in a committed relationship. He will still not want it to be overthought most of the time. If you both want to have sex, you should just do that without making it a big deal. He's likely to be very vocal about what it is that he wants in the bedroom and he'll appreciate if you are as well. On the other hand, he probably will like to have the control in the bedroom. He'll listen to what you want, but he likes to feel that the decision is in his hands. Even if you manage to make him "submit" to you, it will be abundantly clear to you both that it is something that he is allowing to happen. It's rare that he will ever fully give up control. Some things he might be into: sex outside of the bedroom. Scents (wear an intoxicating perfume/cologne!). Toys. A caveat for the toys, though: he'll probably only want them to be used when he is using them on you or he has given you permission to use them. I don't think he'd love the idea of you using them without him present or at least knowing about it. His scorpio placements can be rather possessive and he doesn't like to feel like he's competing with a toy lmao. He wants to be the only one for you.

Phew. There's my go at Minghao's chart. A lot of intensity from this one, but a lot of passion too.

[liarchive]

✦ what makes them lock their feelings away?

:: FEATURING ─ gn! reader, diluc ragnvindr, kaeya alberich, albedo, xiao.

:: FLAVOR ─ angst.

:: WARNING ─ them not wanting to give in— locking one's feeling away forever, the inability to accept changes (diluc ragnvindr), distrust to oneself (albedo), fear of loss (venti), worthless-ness[? xiao feels undeserving] (xiao). possible ooc characters too!! </3

:: TYPE ─ short ficlets.

note: part two will be posted soon!! (hopefully) part two contains zhongli, childe, kazuha, and thoma! :DD likes and reblogs are very appreciated! <33

diluc ragnvindr; the inability to accept changes.

diluc ragnvindr would forbid himself to embrace the love blooming inside him because he’s afraid of change. he had lived in the dark for so long, he’s used to it that it feels… weird, to have a whole sudden change in his world. to love someone is to accept the changes that will happen to your life, and diluc isn’t ready. his life is full of war. it feels like a never-ending war, and what would someone feel when the war suddenly stopped? instead of choosing to embrace it, diluc chose to lock the feeling deep within him. never to be found nor see the light, until it dies.

diluc ragnvindr’s love is a candle. it lights only to slowly extinguish in the darkness.

kaeya alberich; fear of unacceptance.

kaeya alberich will not give in to the feeling. despite wanting to, he knows better than giving in and ended up dragging you into his messy excuse of a hell hole. in kaeya’s eyes, the difference you and him have is as clear as glass could be. the life he lives in is full of lies, tainted with the everlasting lies of him and distrust. if kaeya can’t be honest and trust himself, how come he can expect himself to be honest and trust you? will you accept him once you know the blood that is surging inside of his body? will you not end up giving him lies before leaving him?

kaeya alberich’s love is a frozen black ink. it will forever be stuck in a shell, refusing to taint a white paper.

albedo ; one's distrust of oneself.

albedo does not trust himself. he only has little time remaining to live as normal as he could be. before he turns into a killing machine that will destroy mondstadt. will he be able to stop himself from hurting you? more likely not, he thought. what if you are the first person he hurts? albedo believes it's the best choice to bury his feelings far away inside his heart. that way, he wouldn't hurt you, he wouldn't hurt himself. he will not hurt anybody, just like what he wishes.

albedo's love is a light that will never be able to get reached by him. and all he could do is watch it slowly fade away from his vision.

venti: fear of loss.

he should have had the freedom to embrace the love he has, yet he couldn’t shake off the thought of him losing another person he holds close to his heart. although he is an archon and could protect you from danger, what if you encounter danger when he’s not around? what if he will meet with the sight of your blood seeping out of your body? venti could not bear to have another loss. if venti can’t even accept the loss of his friend, how can he accept the loss of his beloved?

venti’s love does not gain freedom from the archon of freedom himself, but it shall freely roam in his heart.

xiao: undeserving of being with someone.

xiao feels he does not deserve you. xiao had lived for years and all he could recall are him tainting his hands with blood. would someone as dirty as him deserve to be with someone as pure as you? xiao doesn’t even want to think about it. can he even treat you like how you deserve to be treated? with his eternal karmic debt, xiao fears he would only hurt you. which is why xiao had already chosen to lock his feelings away from the very start. although his love bore into his veins, he promises to only love you from afar.

xiao's love is the star that one wishes could reach, yet it will remain unreachable forever.

[saturnrevolution]

random facts about your moon and mercury combination (feeling vs thinking)

FIRE MOON with FIRE MERCURY

usually speaks their emotions right away

sometimes can say things they regret later

brutally honest

they're likely a fast learner of the things they enjoy

FIRE MOON with EARTH MERCURY

has a tendency to bottle emotions inside

is an all or nothing type of person

can neglect their emotions, but judge others that do

great at working under pressure

FIRE MOON with AIR MERCURY

creative, talented people

might have trouble with commitment

values freedom when it comes to expressing their opinions

listens to advice, but does whatever they feel like anyway

FIRE MOON with WATER MERCURY

might be scared of upsetting others

go from highly intense emotional moments to really low

might overshare

reliable souls

EARTH MOON with FIRE MERCURY

needs planning, but doesn't end up sticking to it

can be cold without indent

crazy ambitious

might be scared to take action

EARTH MOON with EARTH MERCURY

has some strict personal rules

speaks only when they know what they're talking about

highly rational

not the best at small talk, as they think in problem and solution terms

EARTH MOON with AIR MERCURY

might be perceived as cold without intending to

beautiful speakers

might have a hard time organizing their thoughts

might set unreachable expectations for themselves

EARTH MOON with WATER MERCURY

really approachable

are a lot harder on themselves than they show

good at giving advice

hard time sticking to their own advice

AIR MOON with FIRE MERCURY

could talk about any subject for hours

tends to ignore negative emotions

could travel all day everyday

know-it-alls

AIR MOON with EARTH MERCURY

great at logical arguments

might not listen to their own advice

gets bored easily

good at putting ideas into practice

AIR MOON with AIR MERCURY

full of innovative ideas

needs conversation to feel engaged

shows affection through rationality and words

short attention span

AIR MOON with WATER MERCURY

in love with words

great at giving compliments

are able to rationalize their emotions

but when they express them, it's a mess

WATER MOON with FIRE MERCURY

can be overly dramatic

knows when to take action and when to retreat

more sensitive than they show

driven by passion in everything they do

WATER MOON with EARTH MERCURY

their life might be all messed up, but you won't know

really understanding

needs to have conversations that make sense

might not be the best at texting

WATER MOON with AIR MERCURY

might overshare

cares about how engaged the other person feels in a conversation

needs to calm down before being able to rationally express their feelings

bubbly and friendly

WATER MOON with WATER MERCURY

has motherly traits

might feel foggy when trying to make sense of their words

daydreamers

intense emotions expressed sincerely

SAME MOON & MERCURY

able to speak from a place of empathy

flow when it comes to communicating emotions

consistent

might be too straightforward

DIFFERENT MOON & MERCURY

different layers of complexity in thinking vs. talking

has a strong inner world

they might plan a conversation beforehand, but it comes out wrong

sun and moon combination here

sun and rising combination here

[anti-dazai-blog]

9- Akutagawa gets introduced to his inferiority complex (and other complaints) 

When I say that every single line Dazai says in this chapter has some sort of annotation from me, I really do mean every. single. line. He can’t even say one thing that’s remotely decent to say to people.

Before even opening his mouth, Dazai has already disrespected Akutagawa. As Akutagawa enters into the dungeon, Dazai makes a point of blatantly ignoring his arrival. He stands there singing to himself instead of giving Akutagawa the basic respect of glancing at him. All Akutagawa wants from him is acknowledgement, and yet he won’t even acknowledge his existence, let alone competence. Even prior to Akutagawa physically showing up in front of Dazai, there are sound effects for him descending the stairs. Either the stairs are naturally very noisy, or Akutagawa was walking loudly on purpose, as a way of catching Dazai’s attention. Either way, Dazai won’t give a single shred of attention to him unless he chooses to for the sake of brutally insulting and degrading his former subordinate.

And things only get worse from here. When he first chooses to notice Akutagawa, his first words to him are “Oh.. you were here?”, as if he wasn't aware Akutagawa was here until now; as if Akutagawa is too insignificant to warrant the time and effort it would take to glance at him. 

Next Dazai brings up Akutagawa’s torturous mafia training that took place in this very same dungeon. “Remember when you were still a rookie..” he says. He brings up that he was his “former boss”, reminding Akutagawa of his place. Reminding Akuatagwa that Dazai was, is, and always will be his superior. There’s a certain famous analogy of an elephant in a circus that applies well to Akuatagwa’s current situation. The elephant is captured at a very young age, when it’s still small. To keep it in place, a rope is tied to its leg, and the rope is then secured to a stake. The baby elephant will try and struggle to pull at the rope and escape, but all its efforts are futile. It learns that it can’t break free, no matter how hard it tries. As the elephant grows to its full size, the rope’s and stake’s size stay the same. Once the elephant is an adult, it can easily tear the rope and stake out of the ground by taking one tiny step. But it doesn’t. It learned as a child that the rope will hold it in place, no matter what. It learned that it’s pointless to struggle. So even though it has grown, and even though the rope is nothing more than an imagined barrier between the elephant and freedom, the elephant will stay put. It will forever be tethered to a small, flimsy rope. 

Dazai’s the rope. He holds no power over Akuatagawa at the moment. He has no authority to tell him what to do. On the contrary, he is Akutagawa’s prisoner. And yet the years of grueling mafia training have conditioned him to always view Dazai as the superior he desperately needs the approval of, rather than the cowardly traitor he is [or rather, the cowardly traitor the mafia should view him as].

“It was quite an ordeal training you.. You’re a poor student”, says Dazai. You know those teachers who boast about how no one passes their courses? The only reaction of the students often is something along the lines of “why don’t you do your job properly and teach us, then?” The same should be Akutagawa’s reaction. He was difficult to teach? I doubt it, he’s a hard worker, and very dedicated to doing his best for the sake of earning Dazai’s approval. He has a strong ability, he seems to be a fast learner; in short, he would be the ideal student for anyone to train. Yet Dazai had impossible standards and unreachable expectations to meet. And instead of owning up to his own shortcomings as a teacher, he pushes the blame onto Akutagawa, claiming that he was at fault for not being a better student.

He continues with “and you were quick to take action”. As if that’s a bad thing. Sure, Akutagawa probably jumped into things a bit too quickly, but teaching him not to would be Dazai’s responsibility. Being quick to take action keeps you alive in the Port Mafia. Being quick to take action is the only way to survive in the Port Mafia. It’s a good trait. It’s a necessary trait. Dazai should hone and improve this skill Akutagawa's lucky enough to possess, not insult it and frame it as a character flaw on Akutagawa’s part.

He discourages Akutagawa from perfecting this skill that he could use a bit of work perfecting. Yet next he says “and your ability is junk”, as if he needs to improve in the area of his ability. It’s exceedingly clear that he doesn’t. He’s incredibly skilled as it is. And to whose detriment would it be to if not the agency- or more specifically, Atsushi– if he got any better at using Rashomon. And of all things, what right does Dazai have to declare which abilities are and aren’t junk. Dazai, the guy who never had to truly fight against an ability in his life. He never personally had to fight against Rashomon— he couldn’t even if he wanted to. He has no right to call Rashomon, or any other ability, junk.

Akutagawa at least has the sense to defend himself— he has every right to, after enduring Dazai’s mockery for the past ten minutes. So he threatens to destroy the agency. It would be a decent enough threat, if only Dazai cared even a little bit about the overall well-being of the people he works with. So Dazai replies with “Do you have it in you?”, further provoking him to go through with his threat. Mori says in a later chapter that Akutagawa has a habit of going off on his own. Dazai surely knows this. Dazai surely knows that regardless of what Akuatagwa’s orders are, he may ignore them for the sake of fulfilling whatever his own goals are. Dazai provokes him to go ahead and attack his so-called friends, just for the sake of it. Just to prove that Akutagawa’s threats are meaningless to him, and by extension, so is Akutagawa.

And now- This is the part you came here to read, isn’t it? This one specific line. This one thing Dazai says that’s unanimously declared a Supreme Asshole move. You know what I’m referring to. I doubt I even have to say it. 

But of course, that’s the purpose of this blog. I place a spotlight on both the not-so-obvious and obvious Dazai Crimes equally. 

“My new boy is far more talented than you ever were”

There’s so much wrong with this. It’s an overall cruel thing to say, for so many reasons. I’m sure someone could write a whole essay on that line alone. But I’m just gonna give a quick little summary of my personal favorite reasons why Dazai should get hit by a truck for saying that—

It’s yet another ploy for setting up Atsushi and Akutagawa as rivals. Dazai has decided that giving Akutagawa a reason to deeply and personally hate Atsushi would be good for their rivalry and partnership. In doing so, he puts Atsushi in immense danger by causing Akutagawa, someone who’s already incredibly strong and powerful, to have a personal grievance against him. 

It also puts Akutagawa in danger, because Atsushi also has a strong and powerful ability, but unlike Akutagawa, he hasn’t fully mastered controlling it yet. Even if Atsushi doesn’t want to kill him, he could easily do so by accident, on instinct, in a fight. 

Akutagawa is trying his best to earn Dazai’s approval. The lack of Dazai’s approval is literally the area he’s most self-conscious about in life. Dazai knows this, and chooses to attack him in this way on purpose. This falls right into the category of “Dazai knows your deepest hopes and fears, and will have a great time toying with them, just for the fun of it”.

Not only is this cruel, but it’s uncalled for and off-topic. No one brought up Atsushi. No one mentioned the weretiger. No one was talking about how skilled or not skilled Akutagawa is. Dazai just says this out of nowhere. Seems like he was waiting to say this the whole time. 

Dazai’s whole thing with creating sskk [the duo] is to mimic his own partnership with Chuuya. Their partnership was incredibly dysfunctional in its own right, but there was at least some semblance or illusion of equality between them. By the way Dazai’s setting up sskk [the duo], he’s creating a pair of people where one of them will constantly feel inferior to the other. Atsushi doesn’t spend any time comparing himself to Akutagawa, but Akuatagwa was “behind” Atsushi from the start. Dazai told him so. Dazai told him outright that Atsushi’s superior to him, and so Akutagawa will spend the rest of bsd trying to catch up to someone who is actually his equal (or quite possibly less powerful than him). There was absolutely no reason to give Akuatagwa an inferiority complex that he didn’t previously have.

And in the very next scene, Akuatagwa goes and stabs Atsushi straight through the chest. He blatantly ignores the fact that the weretiger is wanted alive, and now his only goal is to prove to Dazai that he’s superior to his new protégé. So look at what you’ve done, Dazai. You went and got Atsushi stabbed. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Join me next week when I talk about.., Oh I don’t know.. STILL the dungeon scene. It goes on for three whole chapters, I think. That’s a bit too much dungeon for my tastes. I’m already exhausted after only one chapter of this. 

[rayofsunas]

baby daddy | scaramouche [1]

A/n: here's the one y'all have been waiting for!! I'm so excited to finally write this ahh, I've gotten so much feedback concerning this mini-series, and omg, you guys just made me even more excited to share what I've decided to do with this story! since I do believe Inazuma is based on Edo Japan, I will be following some of the societal norms during that time, but it will be loosely based off of that period of time and I will allow some freedom (being as women weren't treated the best in the past). I've done research since I'm really interested in the political side of Inazuma and yeah!! I'm both nervous and excited for everyone to read this, so enjoy! (if this chapter sounds weird, it's because I've written it a few times and gone back to it over the span of a week)

Summary: scaramouche was always content with it just being you and him. he preferred it that way. but when you find out you’re pregnant, the harbinger throws you out; he did not sign up for a baby. though, after a battle leaving him greatly wounded, he realizes he misses you by his bedside, taking care of him, your softness… scaramouche knows if he wants you, he’s going to need to show you that he can take care of your daughter and accept her.

Parings: Scaramouche/Fem! Reader

Warnings: angst, for clarification scaramouche has a mother who reader calls her mother, historical au (sort of), pregnancy, violence

Word count: 4.4k

If only you could get one peak. Just a single glance, if only for a millisecond. That's all you would need to be satisfied before trudging back home, further into isolation. You've heard stories of the beautiful nation, Liyue, even better stories of how the harbor was the most beautiful sight to see at night when all of the orange lanterns were lighted and released during Liyue's annual Lantern Rite.

It was unfortunate you could only possibly see the lanterns from the highest points in Inazuma, where snow-capped mountains and icy caverns reside, keeping both the locals and few outsiders away from the heavy, unbearably cold snow. And sure, the Grand Narukami Shrine was another promising location to see the lanterns from the neighboring Nation... But with tensions rising in Inazuma, you felt it was quite selfish as well as ignorant to enjoy such a luxury when the chaos around you only seemed to worsen.

Another unfortunate and quite cruel fact was the almost taunting books that lay in the Yae Publishing Houses' archives, educating about impossibly unreachable places and experiences, one being the neighboring Nation of Liyue. A Nation of unshakable beauty, freedom, peace... Home to delicate paper lanterns, a lively harbor with dozens of specialties, aqua-colored springs, that looked majestic and could only be a gift from the Gods. And everyone in Inazuma, except those with diplomatic immunity, of course, was to stay behind the borders, left to dream of a vast world they'd never see.

You were starting to regret a peaceful life of a housewife-to-be... Naturally, as a lady, it was expected of you, so you over the years shaped your mind to accept the mold and were fine with what was expected of you; to be a good wife to your husband and raise respectful children.

Though, you did wish you were allowed to travel outside of Inazuma and that the borders weren't so tightly guarded... And although with a little persuasion, you were sure you could convince your fiancé - who had immunity - to accompany him on his journey into the port city during one of his travels, you also knew he didn't give out kindness easily. He wouldn't just allow you to travel with him for your own pleasure of getting to see the lanterns or foreign specialties... Something had to be in it for him to allow you that kind of pleasure. Your fiancé, Scaramouche, was a stubborn young man dead set in his own ways, and he never gave into you unless you pestered him to the brink of insanity.

And you weren't sure if you could do that this time. Seeing as though you were too busy preparing for your wedding in a few weeks and Scaramouche was off doing business with the Fatui as usual; thankfully though he'd be back sometime this week to also help with the preparations. Truthfully, you just didn't have time to pester him for a week and hope he'd break, it'd take longer than that. And you were sure that in the next few months, you would have zero time to bother him when he was free. In less than four months, you'd be a wife, expected to have a child too, and care for them. There would be no time in the coming year...

Realistically, though wedding aside, now was the only chance. Unfortunately, you couldn't just put the wedding on hold. You'd be picked apart by the other ladies in your class and wives of the soldiers, surely; more so those already married with litters of children, who took pride in the fact that although they didn't have a high ranked Harbinger as their husband, they were able to follow the structure of society at a young age. You always thought that was very childish and they were insufferable women, guided and swayed by the stupidest things, and shockingly enough, had little to no desire to leave Inazuma. They were comfortable women, yes, either by choice or not.

Though, you could be grateful that you were allowed some amenities others weren't. One, being able to pick and choose your friends, and not boxed into choosing manufactured replicas of people who had none of the same interests as you. Yes, you could thank your position in Inazuma for that fact, to be married to one of the most influential and high-ranked men around. Really, Scaramouche deserved your appreciation and gratitude. After all, he was a Harbinger, a high member of society, even holding influence over nobles and warlords alike. And it was rumored he was the Raiden Shogun's favorite soldier; efficient, strong, intelligent. How could he not be her favorite?

Maybe you'd have to beg him to put in a good word for you, so you could hopefully leave Inazuma one day. Although, you would feel quite guilty about requesting that. It would feel like an abuse of power, which little to none of the population had access to... You probably wouldn't request that of Scaramouche. It was unfair.

You'd remain lucky and thankful you were able to choose your own friends, especially ones from outside of Inazuma, like Mona, all the way from the proclaimed wind city, Mondstadt. Sure, you had friends within the isolated land, like Lady Ayaka, who was very kind and generous to you. You were close in age and both in the same situation more or less; to be married soon. So you got along well with one another. And Yoimiya, the owner of Naganohara Fireworks, was also great company when you wanted to have a good time or required some cheering up. But you did have other companions, Mona being a very dear friend to you. At first, she was just a foreign woman coming to read you and Scaramouche's fortunes, requested by your future mother-in-law; she wanted reassurance that her temperamental son and kind-hearted daughter-in-law would be okay in the end, despite being friends for years. Though, despite popular belief, you enjoyed Scaramouche's presence and didn't despise him. You thought the call for Mona, at that time, was unnecessary.

But, you'd grown to enjoy her company, even if she did have spontaneous and odd ways about reading and giving her fortunes, asking about Mora far too much for Scaramouche's liking, irritating him greatly; though not everyone can be lucky enough to be loaded like him.

It was shocking that you were allowed to keep her as a friend, seeing as though one, she was a complete outsider, and two, she irritated your fiancé greatly. But, since she was a world-renowned astrologer and fortune teller around Teyavt, sought after and claimed to be the best of the best, it was accepted by the Kanjou Commission, the entity that among other things, heavily controls the borders. Mona shockingly came around more often after her first read of you and your then-new fiancé. Explaining she saw an interesting future, that although she couldn't see too far into, she saw just enough to want to come back and read your fortunes now and then. Mona stuck to her word and came every four months, offering her wisdom and reads in exchange for Mora and a delicious meal; a true negotiator she was.

And here you were, waiting for the beautiful astrologer at the main entrance to Inazuma, Ritou; freshly baked bread in your basket and a pouch of Mora to gift your friend for her long journey through Mondstadt, Liyue, and across the sea. You could see the large ship docking, passengers climbing out and being escorted over to the five pairs of Kanjou Commission soldiers guarding the walls, who were to check all passengers for weapons, possible vision wielders returning to their homeland of Inazuma, noting who was a foreigner and taking care of supplies brought from the neighboring harbor.

As soon as the young woman was cleared, you watched giddily as she strode over to you with her head held high. You giggled at her, watching as she glared around at a few of the armed soldiers arguing with a vendor from Liyue, claiming to have been missing a few goods from his barrel. You continued to watch as Mona stared begrudgingly at the scene unfold, the man being thrown down to the ground and detained harshly. She wasn't used to this much violence, nonetheless just out in plain sight like the scene before you, but it wasn't rare for Inazuman's. The Raiden Shogun's rules and restrictions had sent the people into a fearful, cooperative state and left the Kanjou Commission and Inazuma Bakufu to rule over Inazuma like a dictatorship, guided by none other than The Electro Archon, Raiden Shogun... No one dared utter a word about the wrongdoings and unfairness of the entire isolation, except those brave few willing to fight, but the majority of the population in Inazuma were thinking it.

When Mona was finally in front of you, the curvaceous woman leaned in for a hug, pulling away after a moment to stare back at the soldiers and vendor, who was now being dragged off; probably to the dungeons, maybe even worse, to face the wrath of the Raiden Shogun... You've only ever met her once when she summoned Scaramouche and you happened to be with him that particular day in Inazuma City. The Electro Archon didn't pay much mind to you, only asking for your name and if you had a vision, before coldly saying she hoped to see your future children join her ranks of soldiers, particularly under the faction General Kujou Sara led, only when they were the proper age to be trained of course. She couldn't stress enough, emotionlessly, how she missed out on Scaramouche who joined the Fatui instead of the Inazuman soldiers. Scaramouche's sheer strength and cunning nature were the main reasons she was eager to see your offspring in her ranks; they'd be a strong warrior she'd said... You didn't miss the glance she gave your lover after, something only he seemed to understand...

Naturally, you couldn't tell if it was a threat or not. No one could be sure with the Electro Archon... She was an unpredictable woman majority of the time.

"Is it always this tense and dangerous here?" A velvety voice interrupted, bringing you back to the surface from your thoughts. You nodded your head at the young woman, reaching for her sleeved arm to drag her away from the scene. It was best not to linger around for too long. Two women, ogling at a disagreement unfold, nonetheless in the late evening hours and one who happened to be a non-Inazuman? That was trouble brewing and it would be wise to leave now.

"Yes, more so in the afternoon hours. We should get back to my home." You explained to her, she nodded, a scathing look on her face. You knew she was judging the environment around you, and if not for you being her friend, she'd have no reason to come here nor would she; even if she had some kind of immunity due to her profession.

"Inazuma and Mondstadt are very different." She noted with hesitance, choosing her words very carefully as to not offend you. You nodded, though couldn't understand, having never been outside Inazuma. Relating to the other wonders of the world was challenging and books or tales could only do so much. Eventually, Mona matched your strides and you both walked side by side, in tune.

"You say that every time you come here, Mona," You explained with a nervous laugh, keeping a grip on the woman's arm, afraid she'd become too curious by a food stall or vagrant and wander off, it has happened before after all. Scaramouche stressed the importance of you sticking to the lit path when alone, it could be dangerous and littered with hidden thieves and mercenaries, or even the occasional cocky soldier looking for a fight, it wasn't uncommon. Men and women alike loved to pick fights or simply pester you due to your fiancé's identity, ignoring the fact he was favored by her. Those few were truly arrogant idiots seeking a punishment.

And although some soldiers under the Tri-Commission who meant no harm at all, being spoken to in the public by one of the big ruling bodies other than the Raiden Shogun urged others to believe one had done something wrong, nonetheless they were intimidating and the attention was unwanted by you.

The dimly lit pathway to your home became more evident the quicker you walked and by the time you got to the front door, Mona had already chatted your ear off about the Inazuman fashion to the point where you were starting to enjoy seeing your mother-in-law. You didn't despise her, no, she was a very sweet woman. You just never thought you'd miss her presence so much, often spending the majority of your day sewing, cooking, and reading together; you were happy to find a moment away honestly... A change of scenery.

"Y/n? You're home!" From the sounds of it, she was excited about your arrival, but you knew she'd be even more excited to see you had Mona in tow as well; the two got along very well every time they were in one another's presence, thankfully.

The navy-haired woman came hurriedly bounding to greet you at the door, where you kicked off your shoes and shawl, hissing in annoyance when she nearly tripped on her dark maroon Kimono.

"Be careful." You whispered, approaching the older woman to check if she was okay after nearly falling. She only waved you off nonchalantly.

"I'm quite alright," She responded, shuffling past your retreating form to greet Mona in a hug, who first bowed, before returning the warm gesture. "I see you've made it in one piece?"

Mona nodded. "Yes. Though, Inazuma is a very dysfunctional place to be." The older woman in the room chuckled, stepping up onto the higher-platformed floor to find her way to the living area, where you were already sitting after having made your way there moments ago.

"At times," She agreed, taking a seat beside you on the green-yellow tatami mat, nodding in front of her instructing your guest to take a seat as well. "But its beauty makes up for it, does it not?"

"I suppose so," Mona glanced in your direction briefly, hoping to not offend you by her opinion. Though, you seemed trapped deep in your thoughts, bothered by something else entirely other than her sassy nature. "I haven't seen much of your supposed beautiful land to give it my praise." Your mother-in-law simply laughed. "I'm surprised Y/n hasn't taken you around Inazuma. It is spring now and the days are getting warmer, so it would be lovely." At the mention of your name, your mind was tugged back to the conversation. Mona shrugged, shooting you a look. "After my last visit, I'm not so sure she'd take me." Your friend explained, and you only rolled your eyes playfully. You had many reasons to not give Mona a tour of Inazuma. One being her shopping addiction, which didn't help you much when she had no money, to begin with. And two, she often wandered and someone who didn't have citizenship in Inazuma would find themselves targeted by the government officials who liked to toy with outsiders even more than its citizens.

"And why not?" Your mother-in-law shot you a disapproving look, you lowered your head, ignoring her gaze. You had your reasons for every one of your choices.

"I may have spent all of our Mora last time..." The woman said sheepishly, hand going to rub the back of her pale neck. The dark navy-haired woman's eyebrows raised, head tilting.

She wondered, "Combined?" Mona answered with a nod. "Archons... There was a good handful there."

You hummed in agreement, hands clasping together in your lap, both women glancing in your direction. "It's not healthy to spend so much Mora at once."

Your friend scoffed sassily and you sent her an equally condescending look. "Ya know, I thought you'd be more... lenient when it came to spending Mora... We've always splurged in the past." She rightfully explained.

"Just because I have Mora, does not mean I have to spend it." You snapped, earning a low hiss from the older woman in the room, who disapproved of your passive behavior.

"Sorry..." You apologized, Mona nodded, though she continued to stare at you in concern. You were all smiles and giggles less than thirty minutes ago, what had happened? She hoped you hadn't taken her sassiness as an attack... It was never her intention to insult you or your Nation and its... insufferable rules.

"Anyways!" The eldest woman in the room cheered, energetically grabbing Mona's immediate attention when she asked, "Have you come to read Y/n's fortune?"

"Yes. Though, she seems distracted...?"

Of course... The readings. You hadn't forgotten about them entirely. That was hard to do when Mona visited Inazuma as frequently as one could and read your fortunes every time she visited. But it seemed to have momentarily slipped to the back of your mind, out of reach. Maybe you were just too nervous, for far too many reasons... It wasn't like you could keep your secret any longer. It was inevitable, especially since the astrologer's readings were always correct. You would have no other explanation other than the truth.

"I am," You admitted, the pair sending you an odd look. Nonetheless, you continued. "But we may continue."

Mona gave you another look of worry, but she continued as instructed. Your mother-in-law scooted over to allow Mona better access to you, and you watched nervously as her hands displayed out in front of you, glowing blue due to her Hydro vision being awoken.

You fidgeted with the ring on your ring finger given to you by your fiancé and waited patiently, though more nervous than usual.

"Hands please," Mona instructed, pointed hat-tipping back to get a better look at your fidgeting hands. You followed her directions and gave her your hands like the dozens of times you've done prior.

Scaramouche's mother watched patiently, as always, excitement was coursing through her. Your fortunes were always good, positive ones, she had high hopes about today's read. Though, you felt the guilt wracking through your entire being though, and your nerves were off the chart.

"Is there anything you'd like to see this time?" She asked both of you as usual, though her question was directed at you specifically. You felt her thumb smooth over the top of your hand in a comforting manner; she knew you were nervous, it was to be expected for those not stuck in a rose-colored box, under the arrogant assumption that the future set in stone for you was perfect.

"No..." You said ignoring your shaking hands to glance at the woman beside you. "How about you?" She shook her head, long slowly greying navy hair dancing as she did.

"Surprise us!" She said instead, Mona smiled approving of her answer.

Archons, please don't see the truth, you thought. Anything but the truth...

With those answers and lack of excitement on your side, Mona's eyes closed and you watched curiously but also filled with nerves, as the room seemed to darken, silver, blue, and dark purple stars danced in the air around your conjoined hands. With her silver-green eyes still closed, you were left staring at a beautiful face, your unavoidable fate lurking inevitably close.

It took her less than a minute for shock to overcome her features, and that's when you knew, she knew. Those same silver-green eyes flashed open harshly, staring at you with a shocked tint, pupils growing in size. Archons, she knew.

"What's wrong?" Your mother-in-law was the first to ask, smooth hands gripping your wrists gently. Now she was also momentarily filling with anxieties, now known to everyone besides her in the room... Instead of focusing on the astrologer, you watched the pretty stars and darkness fade back to the previous warm light of the room coming from the dimly lit candles. "Death? Sickness? Mona, what's wrong." The woman demanded, using an authoritative voice she had grown accustomed to not using in Mona's presence, due to the mere fact that she considered the young woman a friend.

"No, none of that..." Mona said, eyes dancing over to you. You nodded, she was confused as to what at first, but then she understood. You were giving her your approval to share the news you didn't dare speak of for your own reasons.

"You're pregnant." She stated.

All the air had been sucked out of your lungs, but not because it was a shock. Archons no, you had known for a while now, and have been keeping it a secret for just as long. You felt out of breath due to the fact it had been revealed to more people and your fiancé still didn't know.

You sucked in a deep breath, ignoring your mother-in-law's pointed stare. "I know." You muttered. An expressive gasp from the woman told you all you needed to know, and you only frowned in response.

She turned to the intelligent astrologer, eyes pointed and accusatory. "What did you see exactly? You may be wrong-" Mona seemed highly offended by that last statement, but nonetheless she went into a bit of detail.

"I saw a child; a girl, running around these halls," She said arms crossing. "And I'm never wrong." Mona hissed.

Now one thing you were unsure of, until now, of course, was the gender of the baby. But now you knew. You were having a girl... A little girl who would look like a mirror image of you, or so you hoped... You could only hope due to the storm coming next.

"That could be any child!" The woman snapped, growing defensive as she wrapped her arms around your form, hoping to shield you from the truth. It seemed as though she was more ignorant towards the truth than even you. "Who's to say we don't move!?"

"Mother-" You reached out to try and console her, but she wasn't having it.

"Tighten your lips! How long have you known?" You've never seen this much rage in the woman, ever... At least not directed at you. Originally, when you and her son were only friends as children, she was an unapproachable woman. Though, you were still wary of her because she was very much like her son; scary, intimidating, and extremely straightforward. But eventually, she had grown to respect and tolerate you as time went on; you had managed to get on her good side and the rest was history. You two had a mother-daughter relationship, and she really had become like a mother to you after the absence of your own as a teen, but you feared that strong bond was tarnished due to the news of her grandchild.

She didn't despise the child itself, of course not. She was excited to be a grandmother and expand her lineage one day. You knew it was because you had fallen pregnant before marriage, which was always frowned upon in the more traditionalized clans and families.

"I've known for four months," The grandmother to be nearly passed out at the revelation. "Since winter..."

"Y-You're barely showing," Mona spoke up, trying to get you to focus on her and not the angry woman at your side. "Is that normal?"

"My lady in waiting said it can happen," You explained. "I was planning on telling everyone when I felt ready... But then I noticed I was barely showing, so it became easier to avoid." You stayed strong and sent an apologetic look to the fuming woman beside you. But she didn't accept it and only sent a glare matching that of her sons; it shook you to your core.

"I don't want to hear your excuses. You're supposed to wait until marriage!"

You nodded, taking her anger like a champ. And all Mona could do was feel bad for you, pity the situation she brought forth on you. "I've never cared what the other noble ladies or clans thought about us, and neither should you," She stated. "But this has always been a tradition in our family, and you've broken it!"

"I'm sorry... It just happened." You didn't dare utter a word about how it couldn't possibly just be your fault, because the responsibility wasn’t just your own, but Scaramouche's as well. You couldn't argue that this was a stressful situation and it wasn't good for the well-being of your current state, because you weren't ready for what she'd say next. She could be very cruel.

Mona mirrored the woman who angrily stood, waiting to see if she'd physically attack you. She looked angry enough to do so for sure.

"You're lucky my son fancies you and that you already have our blood in your veins," She spat. "Or else I'd throw you to the Umibozu and let it drown you." And with that last uttered boost of hatred, the woman had stormed off down the hall. You could hear a sliding door being slammed forcefully open and closed before silence ensued.

Despite her anger and hatred towards you gone from the atmosphere of the living area at this moment, you still felt as though your airways were clogged, her words acting as thick cloth, covering the spongy organ.

Mona stared at you in disbelief, not towards your actions - or lack therefore of - but at the once kind woman's behavior. She'd never witnessed her so furious before.

"She's a very opinionated woman. Kind of quick to blame and assume, but she'll come around," You said nonchalantly, moving to stand. The astrologer only stared in shock. How were you able to carry on and not break down into a fit of tears... "One minute, she loves you and will hold you in the highest respects," You explained. "The next, she'll anchor you to the cliffs by the sea, and leave the Umibozu to drown you, as you heard."

Mona laughed nervously, though it didn't reach her heart. "Reminds me of someone..."

“Yeah..." You muttered. "She's much more reasonable than Scaramouche. So, she'll come around... It's Scaramouche's response I'm fearful of."

With the shake of your head, you turned to face Mona, nonchalantly staring right through her.

“Tea?”

[🏷] TAGLIST

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4.5.21, rayofsunas

[crymeariveronceagain]

ah, a good old fashioned alden vacker hate-post.

in my opinion, here's what this misbegotten son of cerberus

has done to his kids.

Continue if you dare. It's a long one. And a dark one. Heed the tags.

Alvar: Alvar has never been what Alden wanted. Not ever. Oldest children aren't supposed to be like that, Alden would complain to Della. Della would tell him Alvar was doing his best, but Alvar's best wasn't good enough for his father. No matter what Alvar did, how he did it, it wasn't enough. He couldn't do anything right, couldn't solve any problems. He only made messes bigger, only made his father more disappointed. Eventually, at some point, his father gave up on him. "You're incorrigible," he said, one night at the dinner table. "You can't do anything right, you can't even manage to sit at this table and have a proper discussion. Are you even my child? You don't bother to act like it." Never mind the look of pain that crossed Alvar's face. Alden never was able to see how hard his son was trying. That when he got mediocre grades, or didn't finish projects on time, or forgot what he was doing, he wasn't doing it on purpose. He just... wasn't as good as his father wanted him to be. The expectations were too high to reach, the hours spent pouring over math that just wouldn't get solved weren't enough. I guess it's no surprise that Alden started to blame everything that went wrong on his eldest. After all, Alvar was letting him down so much. Alvar felt like he couldn't breathe, like every wall was closing in on him, he didn't want to move because everything was his fault, it all came back to him, everything that went bad had him involved, so maybe his father was right. He picked up broken glass shards from the floor, one day, trying to be as careful as he could so as not to cut himself. His father had dropped the vase, but since Alvar had been in the room, it was his fault, he would be getting punished for it, he had to clean it up and apologize to his mother for breaking it. His father got to stand there and tsk at him. And Alvar had everything wrong be his fault. That's why when he joined the Neverseen, he didn't seem to care anymore. If he was going to disappoint his father, he might as well do it on purpose.

Fitz: If Alvar became the scapegoat, the thing everything was blamed on, then Fitz was the perfect one. Alden could never see anything wrong from Fitz. But this meant one of several things. Fitz had to constantly meet his father's expectations. There was never an inch for him to move. He's stuck, frozen. He can't move out of what he's supposed to do. He doesn't want to. Not because he actually wants to be perfect, to be frozen in an impossible perfection, but because he's, quite simply, scared to be like Alvar. He knows what will happen if he doesn't meet his Father's expectations. He knows what kind of words will get flung around in front of your face and behind your back. He watched his brother live through years upon years of anger and disappointment, and he vowed to himself that he would never be like his brother. So he did everything in his power to not be his brother. He tried to do better in every way. Whenever his father told him to do better he did. He fought for the claim of "Favorite child", he worked for the title of "Wonderboy". He clawed his way, tooth and nail, into his father's favor. He wouldn't let go of it for anything in the world. Sure, his father, he knows, is easier on him. Alden thinks he's weaker than Alvar, Fitz is sure. But Fitz isn't going to complain. As long as he's not treated like Alvar, then Fitz really can't make himself care. After all, he's loved. His father loves him. Who cares if he had to sell his soul to see his father's kindness. Who cares if everything that belongs to him has been drenched in an unreachable, unattainable perfection. Who cares if his childhood was dedicated towards pleasing his father, and that was always what came first, at the price of his safety, his peace, his freedom. Who cares if he lost the first true love he ever had because his father told him that he'd disgrace the name of Vacker with a bad match. Who cares if his temper is the only thing left of him, that everything else has been eaten away by trauma and pain and perfection that he doesn't know how to become something he isn't, anymore. Who cares! Fitz doesn't. Fitz can't. Because if he starts thinking about what he wants, then there won't ever be any going back.

Biana: Biana both fears and loves not meeting expectations. She always has. Perhaps it was the years of hearing her brother get berated for never meeting her father's expectation. She's able to get away with it, more than Fitz or Alvar ever was, and perhaps that highlights the real thing that Alden has quietly done to her. She doesn't get noticed. She's in the shadows, lurking, of her eldest, failure of a brother, and her older, perfect, fantastic, amazing brother. Those are huge shoes to fill, huge shoes to try and step in to, and so She kind of got brushed to the side, as a kid. She watched, silently, from the shadows, from the spot on the couch that no one ever truly thought was filled as her father explained reasons that Alvar was a disgrace, to Fitz. "Never be like that," he'd said. When Biana went to bed that night, she pretended she didn't hear Alvar crying. She pretended. She was fine with being on the side, being overlooked, not being asked to do things. She was the only Vacker girl, and she was fine to be like that. She got out of the pressures that came with being a Vacker because she was a girl, and usually she'd be all for equality, but not in this. She was glad she didn't have to deal with it. She was glad she could sneak away. Of course, it she had to deal with the silence, she had to deal with the coldness, she had to deal with the fact that she wasn't sure anyone would love her because not even her father could bother to do that right, but at least... at least she wasn't her brothers. That, of course, changed as soon as Alvar left. Then, she was dragged into a spotlight she didn't want to be in, she was stood up, made to act like perfection. She didn't fight it, she couldn't find the will to. She'd seen what had happened to Alvar. There was no fighting, if you wanted to make it out. The expectations, the requirements, the endless anger swallows you whole. There's no escape. There is only perfection. Only criteria. Only requirements. She relates to him, her eldest brother, and she wishes she could run away, sometimes. Maybe not to join a genocidal group of arsonists, but she still wants to run away. She wants to retreat back into a time where she was alone, where there wasn't any pressure, there was only silence that is better than the noise of right now.