#free mj from jackpot

[b8nesandall]

MY BABIES IM IN SHAMBLES

[corhore]

There’s a rumor of a leak regarding Jackpot that apparently MJ gets the Jackpot suit and redesigned device as a gift from Tony Stark at the Hellfire Gala.

Hoping it’s true so that Paul gets put in the ground where he belongs and MJ can finally be free.

I'd be okay with Tony giving her a suit.

And if this is true i'll be somewhat surprised cus I fully expected MJ get get her suit from Paul, but if not then that means Paul's ass is out the door.

I wouldn't be surprised if they just completely ignore Paul all together. The backlash from his was SOOO big that theres no point in trying to salvage any of it.

[rpking99]

Ding ding ding!

Peter and Felicia would be keeping an eye on MJ, following her around. And the two try to stop Jackpot during the next robbery... Only for her to NOT TALK. Almost like a mindless robot!

Eventually chasing her down to her and Paul's apartment it's all revealed. Paul wants to go home, which the device he is building will take them there. But it would destroy half of New York in the process. MJ is also mind controlled, and her powers are what's doing it. And the more she has used it, the stronger his hold on her became

And just show how creepy and obsessed he is. Justifying himself with stuff like saying "MJ is the one who keeps me good!" And "MJ is my purpose, she stops me from continuing my father's work!"

With the obvious shot backs of "If you where good, you wouldn't NEED MJ! If you loved her, let her choose by HERSELF! To do this and to go with you!"

MJ eventually fights through the control, because her powers are begining to fail. Hence why Paul needs to get them back to his world because if he can't recharge her powers, she'll be free.

And so MJ has a fight with Paul and uses the last of her powers, draining herself from the powers of Jackpot forever, to defeat him and send him home. By doing this only the apartment is destroyed, although MJ is hurt

And Peter and MJ don't get back together right away. Since she been effected by the Paul thing and just... Being trapped in her own mind.

But the ground work is set.

And then gave Paul do one of two things. Either you keep him around and have him pop up once or twice as a villain who obsessed over MJ (Like Hydro Man from the 90's cartoon) or that's his last appearance

What I would do to close the issue out is have Paul screaming while trapped in his world... Where Mephisto arrives and bitch slaps Paul. Saying he handed MJ to Paul on a silver platter. He held up his end of the deal (being the he who gave Paul the ability to give MJ powers) all Paul had to do was keep Peter and MJ seperated. The deal is fine, null and void. Later bitch

So... As much as people have been complaining about the main line Spiderman book, it makes me wonder how their going to resolve that. I mean, MJ left Peter for Paul (telling him to basically fuck off), got powers, and Peter's friends are still angry at him right (at least from what I heard last. I don't read the books) How are they going to fix that? You can't have how many issues of Peter going through personal hell only to have a time skip saying 'oh we resolved all that.' Call me sadistic, but I wouldn't mind if this was a case where everyone else had to earn Peter's trust back. Reverse the roles a bit. Have Peter say 'No. I'm done trying to play nice. I'll help out, but it's because it's the right thing to do. Nothing more. Nothing less'. I know that doesn't sound like Peter, but let the guy be vindictive in healthy way for a bit. @rpking99 @freeusemuses @megareader93-aka-composcreator

[amelee23]

Vintage Kiss, Nearly Missed | Park Minhyuk

Pairing: Female reader x Rocky (Park Minhyuk)

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Warnings: None

Length: 2k words

Summary: MJ loves to mess with her by putting her in situations that don't fit her nature. She tried getting used to it, but this time around MJ hit the jackpot when it came to a dare that would change her relationship status with Rocky.

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Becoming friends with the members of Astro was the start of a tireless journey. She couldn't believe how many things came to fruition because of Myungjun's jokes - and considering his wacky mind, it wasn't a normal day if she didn't feel the rush of adrenaline at least 5 times. The stupider it was, the stronger the temptation to make it true; costume parties, comedy skits and competitions of all sorts. Life with them was always exciting, Myungjun made sure of it from the get go - as they were extremely different in nature, he had a knack for turning things in her life around. Although getting used to such fun was pretty heartwarming - it wasn't what suited her best. She came to love the thrill but calmness was her motto. And well, it ended with her getting a 'boyfriend' because of it. 

It happened through the mystery drink challenge - whoever got the most bad ones was to be punished by receiving a ridiculous dare from Myungjun. (As if the drinks weren’t enough of a punishment by themselves.) As much as she prayed to the angels above for her opponent, Moonbin, to be the one to grimace - the oyster taste hit her tongue and she knew she was done for. As for the loser, Myungjun made sure to hit her where it most hurt - he made her become a 'nurturing girlfriend' to one of the members of Astro for 3 days. (Originally it was a two weeks but she fortunately had amazing negotiation skills.) They were all staring at her expectantly so she would choose who she wanted to take care of - but it was as if Myungjun knew that she had taken a liking for a certain someone.

Minhyuk's eyes widened out of their orbits when he was chosen. He was good at cooking, independent and strong, so why feel the need to nurture him? She could have chosen anyone else, like Sanha for example, kid can't cook to save his own life-

He couldn't understand it no matter how much he thought about it - perhaps she chose the lesser evil, or she just wanted to hang out with him. Either way, he couldn't refuse the dare so he was just another one of Myungjun's victims. 

---

She couldn't pretend like she had made lunch boxes before - she really hasn't, and making them for Rocky was extremely embarrassing. The cute sausage octopi failed her, and she gave up without even trying on making anything fancy. She made a heartfelt steak (she could never do wrong with meat when it came to men) with some salad on the side. She also bought some snacks they could enjoy when they're together. The girlfriend act had to be perfect or else she would have to feel Myungjun's wrath. 

Minhyuk was, in one word, impressed. He didn't think she'd go through with the joke, less be hugged the moment he opened the door and given free home-made food. Myungjun made sure to spy properly and evaluate the merch and remind them they need to go on a cute date too.

"Date? That wasn't part of the conditions!" She suddenly snapped completely out of her calm state, her brain going in a frenzy. 

"It is now!" Myungjun rebutted with a laugh. Minhyuk was standing in between them, confusion written all over his face. 

"We can watch a movie?" He suggested, to have an easy getaway from what his hyung suddenly wanted. 

"No 'lets watch a movie and not actually pay attention to each other', yeah? It better be a real date, yeah? And it better be cute!!" Myungjun's tone increased in volume with every following question. 

"Got it, got it, sheesh." Minhyuk once again had to jump in to clear the waters, as things were getting a little too heated. "We'll go on a date… do you know how to roller skate?" 

Caught off guard, with Minhyuk looking straight into her eyes with such intensity, she furrowed her brow and thought back if her parents ever took her out to do such a thing. 

"I don't think so. Just ice skating, I guess."

"Great, then we'll go try it out together." A flash of something unknown to her occupied Minhyuk's eyes for a second. She had no idea what he was thinking - or where the idea even came from. Maybe it was in the attempt to save her from Myungjun, or he simply wanted to go roller skating and had no one to tag along with him.

In a nutshell, Minhyuk didn't understand why he was chosen and she didn't know why he was so willing to take her on a date. The answer was staring both of them straight in the face, but perhaps they had something more in common besides calmness - they were both thick headed. But they had no time to think about that as Myungjun was yelling at them to cuddle on the couch. The 'nurturing' part wasn't even there anymore. Not that the girlfriend part was - MJ was basically making two friends be awkwardly close to each other physically. Even if they had crushes on each other - thing which they both denied - they felt too cramped and forced to enjoy it. 

Evening came by eventually, after about 10 different incidents when they had to dodge each other and pull away as if burned because Myungjun was pulling pranks. But right when they saw the waters had calmed and they could sigh relief, Dongmin proved them wrong. The look on Minhyuk’s face hearing Dongmin ask “So are you guys gonna wear cute matching outfits tomorrow?” was of utter betrayal. Of course Myungjun loved the idea, and the unfair number of conditions to the losers punishment only kept increasing.

“What about those cute overalls you bought with me?” Moonbin suddenly asked her. “Since Minhyukie likes that type of stuff too, maybe you can both dress vintage? It would fit with roller skating, honestly.” she looked at Moonbin as if an Angel just descended on earth to save her. She ought to thank him later.

“That doesn't sound half bad.” Minhyuk commented, but Myungjun didn’t really look satisfied with Moonbin’s solution. Nevertheless, they just shut him up and proceeded with planning ahead some cute vintage outfits. They were excited about it, almost alike kids.

They said their goodbyes when dark came over the streets, and she headed home to put together the outfit that she promised Minhyuk she would wear. A slight palpitation took over her chest and she clenched the clothes close, as if she was a teenager all over again, even if this date wasn’t even real to begin with. Still, she knew she had to catch a blink of sleep if she didn’t want to be a zombie tomorrow, even if the emotions got the best of her with the moon up high.

Minhyuk had no fancy car to pick her up with, and no fancy facial expression either. Their greetings were very friendly and normal - but an unfamiliar awkwardness overtook them as they walked side by side to the skating rink in the city. Minhyuk indeed matched her blue jeans overalls with high waisted baggy blue pants - but he chose to wear a white shirt while she wore pink. They stole glances at each other the whole way -  as if to check if the situation they were in was even real. It very much was, but they only realized it when they had arrived and were getting their skates at the reception - the workers there were very much treating them like a couple. A wave of warmth crept up her face, but also a bit of paranoia; because Myungjun was always there to check on them if they were being lovey dovey, and now he wasn’t even there, but she felt the tingles of romance in her belly. Perhaps it was strictly because he wasn’t there that the feelings felt free to surface.

Minhyuk tried to act all knightley by letting her hold on to him as she stepped into the rink -  but he was the first one to lose balance. Trying to flex his years spent in ballet, he acted as if nothing happened and didn’t even try holding onto the railing like she was - perhaps he was trying to impress her. She, on the other hand, had no thoughts of impressing anyone. Her legs were wobbly and she didn’t seem to get along with being on so many wheels.

They were supposed to have a romantic date but eventually Minhyuk separated from her and she only noticed when she felt him whoosh by her - that he caught onto the trick of roller skating way before her and he was just showing off by that point. Even all of the other couples were staring at him.

“Are you gonna do a triple axel next?” She jokes, but Minhyuk just smiled like a kid in response.

“I’ll even do a quadra.” He boasted, a dimple showing on the right side of his face. Right as she was about to stop him - because she knew from the beginning it was a bad idea -  she saw him start skating faster so he could try and go into a turn. She braced for something that would end up in even a trip to a hospital, but thankfully the speed made him lose control and he just ended up slamming into the side of the rink he was heading towards. Slowly, along the railing, she headed towards him to check if he was okay, and saw he was cursing under his breath and holding his hand tightly.

“Sh*t, I hit my hand on the railing.” He mumbled, and she spotted the red spot he was talking about.

“That’s what you get!” She rebutted. “I don’t know what got into you.”

“I thought you liked people who do crazy weird things?” He asked, a childish curiosity in his eyes. His gaze was a lot more serious, though.

“Me? I like chill and calm, honestly. That’s why Myungjun steps on my tail so often. He can’t stand me being so passive and getting overly sentimental about my plants.” Minhyuk took in her words with pure thirst, a light suddenly coming on in the shine of his eyes.

“You get sentimental over flowers?” He asked, the smile he once wore reappearing on his lips. It was extremely charming, and one of the reasons she found herself often swooning after him. “That’s so cute.” As if the air got knocked out of her lungs, she couldn’t say a thing as Minhyuk approached her silently. She dared look up into his eyes and was met with a happiness that was hard to describe. They would have had the most movie-like romantic kiss, if Minhyuk didn’t once again lose balance on the skates when he leaned in to kiss her. She caught his torso and stabilized him, giggling with her entire heart. Softly grabbing onto his hand, she placed it on the railing next to them so they both be supported, and stole a quick kiss from his lips before dashing away to the exit of the rink.

“Let’s grab some shaved ice on the way home!” She told him from afar. “Both to eat and for your swollen hand.” Minhyuk shook his head but continued to smile, carefully following the railing to catch up to his now girlfriend. It was foolish of him to believe he needed to change anything about himself to be liked back by her. All that became apparent as her soft calming voice filled the ice cream shop they nestled at to enjoy each other’s company - her body was finally relaxed, her gaze filled with love and affection. From now on he knew to stick to his own ways around her, even if they were old fashioned - or he would be missing out.

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

Alright, I’ve gotten back into writing Spider-Man.

I’m scrapping the Wonder Woman x Spider-Man open relationship with Mary Jane X Felicia Open relationship that ultimately culminates into a 4 people polycule where Peter gets pegged, and go for something a bit more simple. So, I’m sorry for the, like, 20 kudos I received on Ao3 over that, and 31 favorites on HF, but that’s abandoned at the moment.

So, new idea...

Amazing Spinnerete, an AU where MJ gets bitten by the spider instead.

(Spider-Woman and Jackpot were already taken and Spider-Girl didn’t sound right to her, as if it was too early for that).

1) Peter, who doesn’t get any powers ever for the entirety of my story (unlike I was planning to do for Mary Jane in the previous one as I piled power after power on her among star sapphire rings, spirits of vengeance, symbiontes, Gamma Radiations and Thor’s hammer), turns into a Sidekick/IT Guy role to her.

2) He’s there to fulfill a purely supporting role to MJ Heroics, craft the webs, be a support to her, all that shebang you’d expect, while getting worried sick over her going out in New York and risking her life daily among villains and criminals and whatnot. He’s the “Nerd behind the computer,” a concept that got admittedly popularized by Oracle, as well as her “field medic” when she gets back home and needs stitching on both the costume and her scars. 

3) Also uncle Ben is alive and on a ongoing trip with Aunt Anna and Aunt May around the world. They solve crimes, off screen, like 3 Jessica Fletchers, so Peter isn’t as fucked up emotionally as in canon.

4) I’m gona take from the MC2 and say that, unlike Peter, MJ is actually trying to profit off her image from the start. This might cause some conflicts with Peter over him not wanting them to lucrate on some of their crime fighting (Such as not wanting to patent the web fluid in fear of criminals getting a hold of it), and mixes up with their already canon conflict over her being the main breadwinner in the couple AND the possibility of her doing progressively more risque work.

5) Specifically, I’m gona say it: Spinnerete and Mary Jane have two separate OnlyFans. It’s a modernized story and they are in their mid twenties and need a stable source of income and what better than a horde of people out there paying the same woman TWICE for pics of her buying wonderbread? “Pictures of Spinneret” therefore become a way different phrase, and there is a debate in universe over a superheroine essentially being a sex worker, and all that that entails. I don’t know how well I’m going to explore it tho so this might get dropped after a while and just make her a ASMRtist or a Twitch Streamer, basically the same thing at this point.

6) Since this is a AU I can do like Spider-Gwen did and not just fuck up one piece of the main universe but make every aspect of the universe different, so, bullet list of things I’ve been coming up with that are different from main continuity:

6A) The Hero to Heroine ratio (as well as Villain to Villainess) is 1 hero every 10 heroines. Major (Male, Homo Sapiens) heroes in the setting are: Johnny Storm (Johnny Storm), Thor (Thor Odinson), Power Man (Luke Cage), Iron Man (Rhodey Rhodes), Original Captain America (Steve Rogers).

6B) The mutant community is a massive polycule of free love and shit. The biggest mutant community in the world is stationed in the Free Republic of Genosha, currently part of a worldwide international federation of small nations around the globe born to contrast Soviet and American influences during the cold war called IFMP (International Federation of Micro-Powers). Latveria and Wakanda are part of it, and are the leaders of the two major factions among the delegates in the form of the isolationists (Wakanda) and the Expansionists (Latveria). The second biggest mutant community in the world is in San Diego. most male superheroes and some of their villains happen to be mutants.

6C) Susan Storm lead a year long deep space expedition team financed by the united states government, and managed to contact several alien races in her travels, returning to earth with diplomatic ties and Power Cosmic given to her by Infinity herself as a sign of good will after she and the united armies of space finally managed to slay and destroy “The eldritch abomination at the edge of reality that makes people racist by existing,” as it was called. This starts a age of cooperation between the various alien races and empires out there in the cosmos and Earth, their embassies being built in most of the major nations of the world, trade and science deals cropping up as a result.

6D) Susan Storm later formed the (apolitical, above nations and planets) superhero team the Fantastic Five, which changed members over the years based on relationship with other alien planets and tensions between the members of the team. Current line up consists in Susan Storm (Susan Storm, former Ms. Fantastic), super partes leader due to the Power Cosmic, alongside Lyja the Lazerfist (Second Ms. Fantastic and Former Skrull chaos agent on earth during the Skrull-Kree Cold War), Crystalia Amaquelin (Crystal, Inhuman Ambassador), She-Hulk (Jennifer Walters, earth representative and legal expert), Thundra (Thundra, Femizonian Ambassador). The Kree empire was disbanded after the end of the Kree-Skrull cold war.

6E) Johnny Storm never became the second human torch but ends up becoming Evil Jesus. During his trip to the stars with his sister he accidentally ends up in the Negative Zone, the void between dimensions, and befriends the locals, becoming a jesus like figure and ending up ruling the place. It’s not as banged up as it sounds but with prolonged commuting with the Negative Zone he has achieved a state of resonance with Oblivion, one of the other 4 great entities of the universe, and has become his champion. (in direct contrast with his sister’s coming from Infinity). He still uses his powers for good, if in a chaotic good way compared to his sister lawful good one.

6F) Peggy Carter was subjected to the Super Soldier program during WWII, thus becoming Agent England, de facto leader of the Invaders (Mostly same team, Sub-Mariner, First Human Torch, etc.), and guiding the assault against nazi germany and hydra. She and her sidekick end up frozen on the same plane

6G) Steve Rogers was still picked under her wing, if not able to receive super soldier treatment, and still became the (original) Captain America, a purely propagandist figure of a scrawny, physically weak son of immigrants Brooklyn dude, the complete opposite of the German Ubermech ideal for the white man, but with enough anger and outrage over an unjust world to pick fights with people 5 times his size, shown in many a propaganda video punching Hitler square in the jaw and knocking him out cold. They both ended up on that plane crashing in the arctic and were defrosted several years later.

6H) With the disappearance of Agent England, the Invaders disbanding, and the cold war underway, with no superhero team really cropping up, Doctor Deidre Wentworth managed to develop a modified version of the Super Soldier Serum, testing it on herself, and becoming the Superior Captain America. She forms the (US Exclusive, extremely political) “Americommandos” superteam, with selected superheroines and “reformed” supervillaines of the time. The team was responsible for many controversial superhero activities during the cold war, in and out of the united states, and is still going to this day, even if some members have retires or have outright died. Not Superior Cap tho, no, her aging has been slowed down due to the serum, so here she is still guiding black ops teams to capture and imprison some worker rights activists that happen to be mutants.

6I) The Sorcerer Supreme of this dimension happens to be Doctor Doom, Ruler of Latveria.

6L) Norman Osborn never became the Green Goblin. He was still a scummy CEO and millionaire, and still had a affair with one of his son’s best friends. Gwen was dating Peter at the time and ended up getting pregnant with Norman, he finds out, pressures her to get an abortion, almost terrorizes her, she doesn’t cave, Peter is understandably confused and shocked but still wants to support her (as does Mary Jane), but on the day of Gwen’s son’s and daughter’s birth Norman pulls the same shit he pulled in canon with Mary Jane and Mayday, hires an assassin to force a miscarriage, Gwen finds out a couple months later, stages her death, and becomes the Ghost-Goblin, ending up throwing Norman off the New York bridge and killing him in the process for good. His estate and company was inherited by his son, Henry, who devolved most of it to charity, destroying the Osborn business empire.

7) That’s the gist of it really, gona elaborate on more tomorrow.

EDIT: 8) Nightcrawler is the Pope.

[ultraericthered]

1. Vanessa Marshall - Her voice and delivery of the famed Jackpot line is the first thing you hear in the video, and the other lines from her seal her place as the quintessential Mary Jane Watson voice. The light, clear voice, the sense of fun-loving free spiritedness she gives off, her sexy, provocative tones, and emotional sincerity in moments that call for it make her MJ irresistible. My one complaint would be her tendency to purr some of her sexy lines, which is something that would fit Black Cat far better than it does MJ, but that’s just one nitpick.

2. Laura Bailey - Not in the video, but if Vanessa Marshall is the definitive young MJ, than Laura Bailey is the definitive older MJ. She gave a stellar performance in this year’s PS4 game and uses an excellently fitting voice for the character, making her MJ very endearing. Like Josh Keaton with Peter Parker and Norman Osborn, it’s impressive that Laura can pull off a perfect Gwen Stacy and a perfect Mary Jane Watson, but she certainly does.

3. Dana Seltzer - In her one moment of dialogue, Dana delivered a great take on MJ, with her voice sounding fitting for both a younger or older version of the character.

4. Andrea Taylor - Hey, a vocal performance from that game that’s actually good! It’s a shame that Andrea hasn’t gotten that much voice acting work beyond her always entertaining Clover from Totally Spies, since she so nailed Ultimate MJ here and her voice is beautiful.

5. Kirsten Dunst - I love Kiki in the role of MJ in the Raimi trilogy and I love the sound of her voice. But her reprisal for the Spider-Man 2 video game...was not her best work. She could not have sounded more disinterested as she phoned in her performance. Her few other voice acting roles shows she’s capable of more, so maybe if she’d been better directed...

6. Kari Wahlgren - Doing a Kirsten Dunst impression for the Spider-Man 3 game, she flips the previous statement around - her performance is stronger than Dunst’s was, but the voice itself is so obviously a forced impression that it sounds more annoying than it need be.

7. Tara Strong - It’s a typical Tara Strong vocal performance. Not bad per say, but it calls to mind Barbara Gordon or Vicki Vale more than it does Mary Jane Watson. She does do a little bit better as the MJ in Marvel Rising based on what I’ve heard.

8. Jennifer Hale - Both her turns as MJ were just okay, but IMHO, she made a better Felicia.

9. Peg Dixon - Her take certainly fits MJ’s original jive-talking party girl characterization, maybe a little too well. Depicting MJ that way is dated and so is this vocal performance. 

10. Lisa Loeb - Such a nice, soothing sounding voice...and wooden as Hell voice acting.

11. Laura Vandervoort - Smallville’s Kara really didn’t do MJ justice in her shockingly inept performance. She seriously sounds like she’s orgasming in every other line delivery.

12. Saratoga Ballantine - Blegh. This was always a wince inducingly annoying take on MJ. Sara can’t voice act, and even if she could, the voice itself is so high, child-like, and fluttery that it grates on you fast and is not fitting for MJ’s character.

13. Catherne O’ Connor - And I’d called Lisa Loeb wooden! This has to be the most lifeless MJ performance I’ve heard in anything! Who the fuck approved this casting?

[holyfunnyhistoryherring]

[An image description by @feenyreadscomics, changes by me.

Image 1: Mary Jane from Spider-verse behind a podium. She looks sad. Her hair is curled, and she is wearing a white hat and black coat.

Image 2: Mary Jane (from old comics) walking in a room. Her hair is straightened, and she is wearing a black top and smiling. She is saying "Face it Tiger, you just hit the jackpot."

Image 3: Side by side comparison of Spider-verse characters. There are Doctor Oc, MJ, Gwen, Aunt May, Penni, and Rio.

Image 4: the "It's free real estate" meme, but the caption reads, "It's good character design"

End description.]

one of the millions of things i liked about spider-verse was that not only did all the female characters look different from each other, they gave mary jane her classic dimples and square chin, which might not seem like a big deal but you’d be surprised how much tiny details like those can make women in comic books look distinct

[soulpapoincognito]

EP 34: AN IDGAF AFFAIR

Todays episode of the  I’m Black He’s Mexican Podcast solo edition aka The S.P.i.C. Podcast (The Soul.Papo.In.Cogneto podcast) Goes over this weeks headlines. Stay woke & reach me @SoulPapo … for inquiries visit https://www.patreon.com/soulpapo

**us** more young kids come forward with stories of indiana high schoolers abuse https://www.indystar.com/story/news/2018/01/28/more-young-kids-come-forward-stories-indiana-high-schoolers-abuse/1073547001/ WOMAN RESTRAINED WITH DUCT TAPE; ZIP TIES AFTER STORMING COCKPIT; AND BITING FINGERS https://nypost.com/2018/02/01/woman-restrained-with-duct-tape-zip-ties-after-storming-cockpit/ EMOTION PEACOCK ON AILINE http://www.businessinsider.com/united-denies-womans-attempt-to-bring-peacock-onto-flight-2018-1 THE STATE OF THE UNION IN 7 MINUTES http://www.latimes.com/nation/ct-watch-state-of-the-union-20180131-htmlstory.html https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/30/politics/state-of-the-union-2018-address/index.html in the result of living in a i’m white so i do what i want world Mayor in scandal; not resigning https://www.tennessean.com/story/news/local/davidson/2018/02/01/megan-barry-nashville-mayor-affair-police-officer-wont-resign-q/1085230001/ folks not sure if her affair was on the taxpayers dime http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2018/02/01/nashville-council-may-probe-whether-mayors-affair-was-on-taxpayers-dime.html SAN FRAN TO WIPE OUT MJ CHARGES FOM 1975 http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-san-francisco-marijuana-20180131-story.html speaking of freeing the blacks teacher singled out blacks during a slavor lesson; stepped on backs http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/02/02/teacher-singled-out-black-students-stepped-on-them-during-slavery-lesson-report-says.html TEXAS MAN WHO SHOT DAUGHTER GETTING LEATHAL INJECTION https://www.reuters.com/article/us-texas-execution/texas-to-execute-man-who-murdered-his-two-daughters-idUSKBN1FL4TL http://www.foxnews.com/us/2018/02/01/texas-man-executed-for-2001-murders-young-daughters.html 2ND TEEN IN SLENDER MAN STABBING CASE TO REMAIN IN INSTIUTIONAL CARE FOR 40 YEARS http://abcnews.go.com/US/2nd-teen-slender-man-stabbing-case-remain-institutional/story?id=52752635 ***world*** Backpackers face a year in Cambodian jail over porn https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/29/asia/cambodia-arrests-intl/index.html Man dies after being sucked into mri machine http://www.foxnews.com/health/2018/01/30/man-dies-after-being-sucked-into-mri-machine-police-say.html South Africa gold mine: 950 workers trapped underground http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-42909508 ***business*** Nintendo on high http://fortune.com/2018/01/31/nintendo-switch-sales-q3/ ELON MUSK HAS MADE 3.5 MILLION SELLING FLAMETHROWERS http://fortune.com/2018/01/29/elon-musk-flamethrower-sales/ who would have known they would have sold so much making so much money; they might as well should have been JACKPOTTING http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-atm-jackpotting-hackers-20180129-story.html speaking of easy money tho these ppl will rule the world AMAZON, BERKSHIRE HATHA WAY AND JPMORGAN CHASE LAUNCH NEW HALTH CARE COMPANY https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/01/30/581804474/amazon-berkshire-hathaway-and-jpmorgan-chase-launch-new-healthcare-company speaking of obvious business decisions HARLEY MAKING ELECTRIC MOTORCYCLE https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-01-30/harley-davidson-is-making-an-electric-motorcycle-after-livewire ***ENTERTIANEMTN*** BLUE IVY GIVING SASS AT THE GRAMMYS http://hollywoodlife.com/2018/01/28/blue-ivy-dissing-beyonce-grammys-clapping-2018-jay-z-video/ they had mad political moments https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2018/01/29/these-were-the-grammys-most-political-moments-from-logic-to-hillary-clinton/ possible dedication ig fitness model kicked of American airlines flight https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/airplane-mode/instagram-fitness-model-jen-selter-kicked-american-airlines-flight-n841906 THEY GOT SCOTT BAY O – CHARLES IN CHARGE FAME http://www.eonline.com/news/910321/nicole-eggert-describes-in-detail-how-scott-baio-allegedly-sexually-abused-her THE FALL OF MARK SAILLING http://people.com/tv/mark-salling-dead-looking-back-troubled-past/ RONDA ROUSEY MAKINGCAMEO ON WWE http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/mc-spt-ronda-rousey-wwe-royal-rumble-20180129-story.html WELSLEY SNIPES TELL UNTOLD  STORY OF HIS BLACK PANTHER FILM https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/black-panther-wesley-snipes-reveals-untold-story-behind-90s-film-1078868 Black hero milestones https://www.gamespot.com/gallery/the-27-biggest-milestones-in-black-superhero-histo/2900-1789/2/ -***SPORTS**** TOM BRADY UPSET OF CLOWNING ON HIS DAUGHTER https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/patriots/2018/01/29/tom-brady-daughter-weei-boston-sports-radio-super-bowl-2018/1077735001/ ****HEALTH****** 20.8 MIL PAIN KILLERS ETN TO WEST VIRGINIA TOWN WITH POP OF 2900 http://www.newsweek.com/20-million-prescription-painkillers-west-virginia-town-population-2900-795413 PIZZA HEALTHIER THAN CEREAL FOR BREAKFAST http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/pizza-breakfast-cereal-nutrition-healthy-diet-better-sugar-a8187131.html COFFEE MAY COME WITH CANCE WARNING IN CALI https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/31/health/cancer-coffee-warning/index.html THE FLU CAN KILL 10S OF MILLIONS; IN 1918 THAT’S WHAT IT DID http://www.post-gazette.com/news/health/2018/01/31/The-flu-can-kill-tens-of-millions-of-people-In-1918-that-s-exactly-what-it-did/stories/201801280239 iMODIUM THE POORMANS METHADONE https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2018/01/30/fda-wants-to-curb-abuse-of-imodium-the-poor-mans-methadone/ /***science*****/ More evidence http://www.ibtimes.co.in/surprise-visitors-ancient-artefacts-found-mexican-cave-spark-conspiracy-theories-about-aliens-758660 if you haven’t already shit your pants don’t stop now SCIENTIST USE MICROBES TO COVERT HUMAN WASTE INTO SPACE FOOD http://zeenews.india.com/space/scientists-use-microbes-to-convert-human-waste-into-space-food-2077528.html THE 10 TIMES THE SIMPSONS PREDICTED THE FUTURE https://www.gamespot.com/gallery/10-times-the-simpsons-predicted-the-future/2900-1781/ magnet flips can be deadly http://www.techtimes.com/articles/220020/20180131/earths-magnetic-poles-flip-effects-deadly.htm Galazies that move together http://www.post-gazette.com/news/science/2018/02/02/Galaxies-that-move-together-have-cosmologists-stumped-about-dark-matter/stories/201802010268 ***DEDICATION////WEDITTA http://people.com/tv/the-bachelor-bekah-martinez-missing-persons-list/ https://www.instagram.com/whats_ur_sign/?hl=en closing statements HILARIOUS OBIT http://www.geisenfuneralhome.com/m/?p=memorial&id=2064544

[wolfwars]

more lines from MJ, the queen,

(upon being in someone’s mere presence) Face it, Tiger. You hit the jackpot.

Wow. Why didn’t you ever tell me you could kiss? I mean...wow.

C’mon, Tiger....y’know good ol’ MJ is too FREE a spirit to tie herself down to any one swinger--even a brown-eyed hunk like you. There’s a world of groovy guys out there and this doll’s gotta be FREE to find ‘em. Besides, I’m not the down-home-and-marrying-kind...hey, put on a smile doll-face, I’ll see you around... sometime.   (saying no to a proposal LMAO)

I’ve had practice! You always did want to be the white knight to the rescue! 

also when Peter tried to come out to her as spider-man and she’s just like, ‘You punkass, I already knew for years!’

lol this treasure: “QUICK! Someone call the BEAUTY PARLOR! It’s an emergency! A living, breathing MALE walked in and didn’t notice me! I’m a washout! A has-been! It’s the utter end, Friend!” and the response looool, “Oh hi Mary Jane I didn’t know you were here!”

this savage rejection: “Wrong, man. You’ve always been good for a few laughs, Harry--but, don’t let it get to your head. I’m nobody’s girl but my own--and that’s the way I like it. See ya around, Curly.”

this helpfulness 

anyways, she’s great

[spideychelleforever]

Spideychelle Headcanon: In Which MJ Gets Real Extra Real Quick On Valentine’s Day, p.3

Here Is Part One! | Here Is Part Two!

So Peter got the kiss of his life and he’s going to the movies on Valentine’s Day with the girl of his dreams who is suddenly like crazy in love with him

Not how he expected Valentine’s Day to go

He still doesn’t know why she’s suddenly so extra but he kinda likes it but he’s also concerned?! Why is MJ acting like this?!

But they’ve been texting virtually nonstop and playing footsies whenever they sit together during class or AcDec practice because damn she’s melting him like he’s nothing and he can’t bear to bring it up because he might as well enjoy this rush of affection because he can’t deny he wants it and wants MJ so

Ned has a member’s club thing or something so he borrows his pass to buy the tickets for half off, and MJ said she’ll buy popcorn and sneak in snacks

And even as he prepares for this with Aunt May who’s delighted AF, he still hasn’t given MJ her Valentine he made her

Well the time arrives, they’re getting dropped off by their parents which is odd because Peter thought he’d go to meet them but doesn’t question it they aren’t officially a couple... not that he’s ever been a couple with anyone besides Liz for like a few days kinda and it was complicated okay?

Speaking of Liz, he gets a text from her - “I’m so happy for you Peter. I really am. Have fun with her. You’re still the best, and she’s a lucky, lucky girl. <3″

And to hear that from Liz after how he treated her that horrible night and after they spent a long time reconciling and eventually building a real friendship just warms his heart and gives him the confidence he needs as Aunt May starts the car

He arrives, box of chocolates in hand (Aunt May recommended to be old-fashioned) and redeems the tickets, and waits outside the theater looking for his date. He notices other couples and they seem so natural, so low-key, and it makes him wonder again about why MJ’s doing this

He hears an appraising wolf-whistle, turns his head from the other people and his jaw hits the floor

She really, really went all out for this date

She must’ve spent a fortune on this get-up and oh my god the leg slit and her strut towards him and that amazing smirk he can’t deal

This isn’t like the usual MJ

But holy hell he’s not complaining right now

And here he is in a simple gray sweater-vest and blue jeans

She bites her lip as she takes her sweet time looking him over and oh my god why

“You. Are. Sooooooo. Handsome!” She purrs as she puts her arms around his neck to hug him close. He returns it and man does he feel warmer when her perfume hits his nose oh my god MJ has perfume on

She kisses his cheek as she pulls back, and points to her large purse. “Got the snacks. You got the tickets?” And Peter nods yes and squeals as she takes his arm and leans into him

The girl admitting them is just as confused as Peter at freaking movie-star MJ but tells them to enjoy the show. Neither Peter or MJ notice the girl twist her neck around to watch MJ go

MJ buys a large popcorn and they get to their theater and take their seats and the movie eventually starts with them holding hands, and MJ leaning into Peter

He tries not to return the look he can see her give him when Zazu tells Simba and Nala that one day the two of them will be married

Mufasa’s death is bringing back some uncomfortable memories and MJ seems to just get it? He hasn’t told her all the details but she knows about Uncle Ben and she seems to be gripping him tighter during that whole scene which helps him calm down

And then eventually of course “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” arrives and man Peter can feel it alright

Aaaand he forgot the part of the movie he’s subconsciously thought of all day, and it only hits him right there

Nala’s do-me eyes

They’re the ones MJ have been giving him all day long

It’s really really hot and he feels like going to the bathroom

Has she been hinting that-no way omg omg omg omg help

And right on cue MJ takes his hand and pulls it into the tub of popcorn and Peter groans at the feeling of all the greasy butter and salt all over his hands now

“MJ!” He whines “Now my hand has all that stuff all over it”

MJ just smirks at him

“That’s okay. I’ll just lick it off”

Oh

Oh

That turns Peter on AF

“I think you just hit the jackpot, tiger.”

Oh yes he did forget his concern about how this isn’t the usual MJ best Valentine’s Day ever

He sure as hell doesn’t object when she starts licking one of his fingers and can only moan until he feels her stop and pull back

“Peter?.... why the hell am I licking your hand?”

Peter snaps to look at her. Huh?

She’s looking at him like she hasn’t seen him all day. Then she looks at her dress. “Why the hell am I in a dress? Why the hell is my leg exposed like this?” She looks at the movie screen where Simba is being hit on the head by Rafiki, “and did you make me pay for the tickets?!”

“MJ what’s going on?!” He whispers urgently; thankfully they’re the only ones in the theater. “You’ve been after me all day and you kissed me and you did all this after asking me out and what is going ON”

“I kissed you?!” MJ splutters. “I would remember that-Imean what the hell are you talking about!?” with some serious incredulity in her voice that hurts Peter a little

It’s that moment when some Danny DeVito looking Cupid appears next to them, and time is frozen around them. Peter and MJ stare. WTF?!

“Listen kids,” he drawls, “I’m gonna make this clear. I shot Miss Jones here with an arrow this morning. One in 7 billion choice today.”

They stare at him

“Look Parker, you met a talking raccoon and a talking tree. You know there’s a cigar-chomping duck out there where they come from? Get a grip kid, Cupid’s real.” Cupid grumbles. “The arrow worked damn good too! Just amplified what was already inside!”

Peter and MJ snap to look at each other

Cupid grins. “I’m out!” And he poofs away, and time resumes, and the movie continues.

Peter and MJ just stare at each other

“He said... it amplified what was inside?”

MJ nods slowly. “So he says.”

“So... the last 18 hours were from a magic arrow? All of it?” Peter asks, feeling more than a little distressed bc was it all fake? Despite what he said?

“No... it wasn’t..” MJ whispered, rubbing her arm with her butter-free hand

Peter looks at her like the adorable curious puppy he is

“Look... Parker, he wasn’t kidding. All that you saw today, cringeworthy as it was... was basically me on steroids. I’ve always thought-Oh god”

“What?” Peter asks bc MJ is currently face palming 

“Oh God... it’s coming back dude... was I really that extra today?!”

“Yup.” Peter squeaks

“I’m... sorry I scared you... and the rest of the student body,” MJ mumbles

“I’m sorry I... kissed you. When you were under that influence or whatever”

This is what he’s apologizing for? This boy is so selfless oh my god

“Peter-did you already forget? Today was still me - just on steroids. Look,” she sighs, “Today was just how extra I really feel about you... how I always have felt about you”

Peter is turning so white right now. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“So you... really want to have this date?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Peter, yes!” She grumbles.

And that’s her. That’s the right MJ and he wants to cry and gets to mumble “Me too” as he lunges in and kisses her

This time she’s the shocked one and has to reciprocate after a moment

Since they missed basically the last 15 minutes of the film they decide to pay to stay for the next showing afterwards and this time they’re calmly holding hands and relaxed AF bc they finally confessed bitches

Aunt May comes to pick them up, but first Peter asks to run by their apartment before dropping off MJ

When they get there, Peter runs in and runs out with the package he had for MJ at the beginning of the day. She sees the crumpled paper and haphazard tape on the flat package

“I see you wrapped this yourself” she snarks

“Open it!” Peter happily demands and it’s so cute she can’t stand it so she does tear open the wrapping paper and it’s a card that’s blank on the outside

She opens it and finds a giant cartoon heart, and two stick figures holding hands. The taller one with bushy brown hair looks bored, the shorter other one with short hair looks happy and MJ knows who they are

And around the big heart is just legible enough cursive - “MJ WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE (with “it’s okay if not” in tiny plain writing at the tail end)”

And it’s an amateur doodle

But it’s the sweetest thing ever like WTF!? it’s just a cartoon heart, stick figures and terrible cursive handwriting and she wants to die of happiness

She looks at him and grins, Genuinely grins. and not out of some Cupid-induced high but from the bottom of her salty, cold AF heart and her voice shakes a little as she speaks

“Only if you’ll be my boyfriend?”

Peter nods happily and they’re kissing again and May wants to do a somersault when she sees it go down in the backseat

Best

Valentine’s

Day

Ever

[starryfictionalgirl]

Jackpot (Peter Parker x Michelle Jones)(Peter Parker x OC) Chapter 5: Shortcomings

Masterlist Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Relationships: Peter Parker x fem!hero!OC, Peter Parker x Michelle Jones, Michelle Jones x OC (platonic friendship)

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, and some violence.

Summary: Peter and Melody are put in charge of protecting Michelle from a sorcerer that wants to kidnap her. Meanwhile Michelle and Melody discover that there are parts of their relationships with Peter that they could both use some work on.

"You're me from an alternate universe?" Melody asks. Michelle nods. 

"Yeah. I sort of fell in here by accident." Michelle explains. "And now I'm stuck." 

"Well that's quite a pickle you've gotten yourself into there then." Melody says and rubs her arm. "How do we know for sure that she's me?" 

"Well for starters I saw her fall into this universe through a portal." Stephen explains. "And the two of you share a nickname, and the life she's described herself living is very similar to yours. You both live in the same house, go to the same school, have the same friends...and boyfriends..." Melody and Peter blushed and looked at Michelle. 

"So in the universe you're from...you're dating me?" Peter asks awkwardly. 

"Yeah..." Michelle answers in the same awkward tone. 

Melody's blush reddened and she wrung her hands nervously and stared at her feet. 

"Sorry if seeing me and Peter being all coupley made you uncomfortable." Melody apologizes softly. 

"It's fine." Michelle answers. "I mean it's a bit strange seeing him with another girl but technically you're me so...I'm not sure what to make of that." 

"Do you think you can figure out a way to get her back to her universe?" Peter asks Stephen. "I mean if her Peter is anything like mine, then I know he must be freaking out that she's gone right now." 

"I'll work on it." Stephen says. "But it could take a while. And the longer she stays here the more dangerous her situation could get." 

"Why?" Melody asks. 

"Because there's a very dangerous sorcerer I know of who's been trying to harness the power to travel between universes and destroy them. And since Michelle managed to do that, he'll most likely be looking for her." Stephen explains. 

"That reminds me, Tony wanted us to come see you about a villain that attacked our school." Peter says and presses a button on his wrist and a holo-screen comes up, showing the man that attacked Midtown. "Know anything about this guy?" 

"That's one of his henchmen." Stephen says. "It appears he's already found you." Fear settled over the four of them. "Either one of you or both of you need to be with Michelle at all times. Thankfully Michelle and Melody look different so it shouldn't be that easy for him to target you but somehow he's tracked you down to the school so he must know something. Be on your guard, and let me know immediately if anything happens." He says. "Michelle I would offer for you to stay here with me but I'm afraid it would be too dangerous to keep you here now that I know this sorcerer is looking for you. It would make it too obvious that you don't belong." 

"She can keep staying with me." Melody offers cheerfully. "It worked out great last night so I'm sure it won't be a problem." 

"Yeah but won't your parents get suspicious after a while? I mean we don't know how long it's going to take to get me home. After a week or two your parents might start to suspect something." Michelle mentions. 

"We'll alternate." Peter says. "The first few days you can crash with MJ and then you can stay with me for a few nights too." Michelle smiled from Peter's sweetness. He really was a copy of her Peter. 

"That could work." Michelle says. 

"I guess that would make things less suspicious." Melody says, but with a hint of reluctance in her tone. 

"Alright well I'll get to work on getting alternate MJ home, the two of you look out for her alright?" Stephen asks and Melody and Peter nod. 

"Don't worry Mr. Strange, we won't let you down." Peter says. 

"Dr." Stephen corrects him. "It's Dr. Strange." 

"Whatever, see you later." Peter says and jogs downstairs.

Melody and Michelle walked down the stairs so they were a bit behind Peter. 

"That was a bit rude of Dr. Strange to assume that you can't defend yourself." Melody tells Michelle. "I mean just because you're in an alternate universe doesn't mean you don't have your powers. Or does it?" She gasps. "Did you lose your powers when you came here?" 

"What are you talking about?" Michelle asks, confused. 

"You know, these things." Melody says and flutters her wings like it was obvious. "Our powers. You and your Peter fight crime together all the time like me and mine do right?" 

Michelle felt a lump form in her throat and she looked at the ground and gulped it down before looking back up at her alternate self. 

"Actually I've never had powers." Michelle says. "I'm no hero. Just your average teenage social outcast." 

"So you and Peter are just normal teenagers? There's no Spider-Man in your universe either?" Melody asks. 

"No there's a Spider-Man." Michelle says. "And now I know that he's most likely Peter but...I don't fight at his side like you do." She says in a bit of a dry tone. 

"Oh." Melody says and furrows her brows. Her wings started to fold down a bit. 

"How did you two get your powers?" She asks. 

"Radioactive bug bites." Melody says. "He got bit by a spider, I got bit by a Dragonfly, and now we fight crime together as Spider-Man and Dragonfly." 

"Cool story." Michelle says. "Did you guys get your powers around the same time?" She asks. 

Michelle figured that maybe if Melody had gotten her powers later than Peter, then there might be a chance that in the near future in her universe she could get a radioactive dragonfly bite and then she'd be a hero like her boyfriend. 

"Yeah. I think it was the same day or at the very least within the same week actually." Melody says. 

Well so much for that idea. Michelle thought to herself. They caught up with Peter by the door. He walked up to Michelle, looking like he was about to ask her something pretty serious.

"Hey Mich-I mean MJ, or Michelle which do you-" Peter stutters trying to figure out what to call her. 

"Just call me Michelle." She says and laughs a bit from his fumbling. "You already have an MJ and she was in this universe first. She has dibs." Michelle says and gives Melody a thumbs up. 

"Okay, well then Michelle, I have to know. In this other universe..." Peter looks at her seriously. Clearly whatever he was about to ask was very important to him. "Am I cool?" She mentally face palmed. "Like am I jock, do I have lots of friends and go to awesome parties and am I like smooth with the ladies and-" 

"Peter do you think I'm the kind of girl that would date a guy like that?" Michelle asks him with a bit of sass in her tone and he blushes. God he was so adorable! 

"So I'm still a nerd then?" He asks. 

"Huge one." Michelle says and Peter groans and looks down. 

"Tiger why would you want to be some stuck up jock in another universe?" Melody asks him and comes over to him. 

"I don't know. I just thought it would be nice if I wasn't a total loser in every universe..." He says and Melody hugs him and presses a chaste kiss to his lips. 

"You're not a loser in any universe." She tells him. "No matter who you are, you'll always be my tiger." She tells him and he smiles and kisses her back. 

They leave the sanctum, masks on now that they were out in public and looked around to make sure no one was watching them. Night had fallen on the city and this street was quiet. Suddenly they heard alarms going off in a store down the street. 

"There's a break-in! We've got to stop them!" Peter exclaims and turns to Melody. "Come on princess let's go. Michelle get back inside and we'll come get you when we're done." Peter instructs and he swings off, Melody flying after him. 

Michelle turned to go back inside but suddenly she's grabbed and her mouth is covered by someone's hand. She struggles and tries to free herself but it's no use. They're too strong. They manage to get her to an alley where she finds more shady looking guys. 

"We found the AU." One of the goons tells his friends. "Dragonfly and Spider-Man are supposed to be guarding her, but we distracted them by setting off some alarms." 

"Good, now we can bring her back to the boss without any trouble." Another goon says and they start taking Michelle away somewhere.

"Now just what do you boys think you're doing with this lovely young lady?" Melody's voice is heard from behind the crowd of strange creatures. 

They turn and find Dragonfly, swinging her sword back and forth lazily. Her hand on her hip. She flutters her wings a bit. 

"Well is anybody gonna talk or am I going to have to start beating the shit out of you first?" Melody asks and stops swinging her sword, holding it in front of her in a fight stance. The men laugh. 

"Where's your boyfriend little missy?" One of them asks. 

"He's taking care of your getaway." She says. 

They all look confused. Suddenly they hear an explosion and Melody smiles at them.

"Did you really expect for us to fall for that store alarm diversion?" She asks and even though Michelle couldn't see it she could tell Melody had rolled her eyes. 

The goons narrow their eyes in anger and a few of them leave Michelle and start approaching Melody. 

"Well then looks like we need to get revenge on Spidey." A goon says to his buddies. "Let's mess with his girl." 

"Good luck trying boys." Melody says cheerfully and as one lunges at her she kicks him in the nuts and the force is powerful enough to send him back into someone else. 

A few others try shooting at her but she blocks the bullets with her arm braces. A few of then get out bigger guns that shoot photon lasers instead of bullets. One of them fires at Melody while her back is turned but to their surprise she turns around and blocks the blast with one of her braces as well. 

"Scared yet boys?" She asks sweetly.

She pushes off the ground and flies towards them, catching them off guard and she slices one of their guns in half with her sword before kicking them in the face, sending them back. One of them hits her in the back of the head with their gun. Michelle gasped, expecting Melody to fall over. But to her surprise she just turned around and swept his legs out from under him and kicked him in the head to knock him out. Suddenly Michelle felt two men grab her and start dragging her back, one of them covering her mouth so she could't call for help. 

"While she's distracted we can bring her back to the boss." One goon that held Michelle said to the other. 

"Yeah. At least one of us has got to make it out of here to let him know who the AU girl is." The other goon said.

Michelle struggled against their grip, kicking and fighting them as much as she could but she wasn't strong enough to break out of their grip. Suddenly Melody jumped up and wrapped her thighs around one of the guys heads and swung around. She tilted her head back and saw Michelle getting taken away. Her wings started fluttering and she clenched her thighs around the villain's head and lifted him up off the ground and launched him at one of the goons carrying Michelle. The collision freed Michelle from one of her captors, and Melody flew into the other one and slammed him into the wall. She took a few deep breaths and backed up, looking around, admiring her work. 

"You have got to teach me how to do that sometime." Michelle requests in an amazed tone to her alternate self. 

"Babe I cut off their getaway do you need any-" Peter swings into the alley and looks around, finding all the goons groaning on the ground. "Help cleaning up?" He finishes. 

"We need to web them up so they can't get away. Then Tony wants to take them all into custody. They've seen Michelle and us come out of the New York Sanctum." Melody tells him and Peter's robotic eyes narrow. 

"So they know Michelle's with us." Peter says. 

"And if they know that much they'll be able to figure out our identities. Luckily we were able to take them out before they could get that intel back to their boss." Melody says and Peter webs them up. 

"We should get changed out of our suits and get home." Peter says. The three of them leave, stepping around groaning henchmen covered in Peter's webs. 

So far the arrangement had been working out pretty well. After explaining the situation to Tony Stark, he managed to pull a few strings at the school to make sure Michelle had class with either Peter or Melody, that way she'd always be guarded. And when they weren't in school, Michelle enjoyed tagging along with Peter and Melody on their missions. She never did any actual fighting, just sort of blending in pretending to be a pedestrian but it was fun to act. And she was amazed by the chemistry that Peter and Melody shared when they were fighting. One day she was sitting on a rooftop with Melody, watching Peter stop some people from robbing a bank. 

"So what do you and your Peter do every day?" Melody asks. "Do you guys go out for ice cream, go to the movies, have dinner, study together, have sleepovers-" 

"Maybe like a third of that stuff." Michelle says. "I mean we hang out in school during lunch and decathlon but after school he has to go be Spider-Man so...I don't see him as much as you do." 

"Oh. Well I guess that's a good thing too." She says, trying to cheer Michelle up. "There's times when I get really annoyed with Peter from seeing him so much. He's so clingy. It's like he's afraid that if he lets go of me I'll never come back to him." 

"Oh I would hate to have my Peter be like that." Michelle says. 

Secretly though, she kind of wished Peter would be a little more clingy. I mean sure he was eager to see her and everything but...He never really tried to hang out with her as much as this Peter did with Melody. She realized then that the reason this Peter and MJ were so close with each other was because they had something in common that she and her Peter didn't. They were heroes together. They could understand each other and Melody shared a part of Peter's life with him that Michelle never could. Maybe Peter would be better off with someone more like Melody. Someone who didn't pull him away from his hero duties but could aid him in them. Her heart sunk at the thought that she was taking Peter away from a part of his life that he clearly enjoyed so much. She got even more upset when she found out that Ned knew about their secret. Did Peter not trust her enough to tell her?

The next day Michelle came over to Peter's place to work on a calculus project together. As they were working Peter's phone buzzed and he picked it up. His calculator fell out of his hand and he started breathing heavily. 

"Peter?" Michelle asks and places her hand on his bicep. 

He pulls away and does a backflip over the couch and runs into his bedroom. Michelle quickly got up and followed him. 

"Peter what is it?" Michelle asks. 

Peter was pulling on his suit as fast as he could when he turned to her. 

"It's Melody." He says and puts his mask on and presses the button. The suit sucked in to fit his body. 

"Is she in trouble?" Michelle asks, starting to get worried. 

"Yeah." Peter says and opens his window. 

"Who's attacking her?" Michelle asks. 

"I'm not sure if she'd want me to tell you." Peter says. "I've got to go." He says and thwips off somewhere. 

Michelle stayed in Peter's apartment and tried to do her share of the project but she couldn't help but think of what could be going on with her alternate self right now. Suddenly she heard a knock at the door. She looked in the peep-hole and saw it was Ned. She opened the door and he rushed in with a bag of treats. 

"Are they back yet?" Ned asks. 

"No. Why do you have snacks?" Michelle asks. 

"They're MJ-Melody's favorites. Peter asked me if I could pick these up for him while he saves Melody from her parents-" Ned claps his hand over his mouth as soon as he says that. 

"Save her from her parents..." Michelle says to herself softly. "They hurt her?" Ned nods. 

"Yeah but don't tell her I told you, please!" Ned begs.

“Wait why did Peter have to go save her she has powers can’t she-” Ned cuts her off. 

“She’d give her secret identity away to her parents if she did.” Ned says. “At least if Spider-Man shows up to save her it’s not a dead giveaway.” 

They hear the window to Peter's room open and both of them go into his room and see Peter carrying Melody into his bedroom, bridal style and she had her arms wrapped around his shoulders and her face was buried in his chest and she was sobbing softly. Michelle felt a few tears stream down her cheeks as she watched Peter set her down on his bed and give her a few comforting kisses on her cheeks. 

"Another bad grade on a test." Peter says to Ned and Michelle softly, while holding Melody's hand and rubbing the back of it. 

"I'm so worthless." She sobs and Peter wraps his arms around her and hugs her tight. 

"No you're not don't listen to what your parents say. They're the dumb and stupid ones for hurting you." He says to her and kisses her forehead. 

He then went on to leave a few kisses on the places where she had bruises. 

"You can stay here with me for as long as you want." Peter offers and she blushed. 

"No no no Pete you don't have to do that. I don't want Aunt May to have to take care of another-" She starts but Peter kisses her to silence her.

"Really it's fine." Peter says. "She might be missing having two people to be taking care of..." Peter starts then his voice trails off.

Melody knew he referenced his deceased uncle and she hugged him and kissed his cheek. She cupped the side of his face and he looked up at her and smiled. 

"I'll stay. Just until Tony can find another place for me to stay." She tells him and Peter smiles. 

"Sounds like a plan princess." Peter says and pecks her lips again. "Ned picked up some of your favorite snacks." 

"You did!?" She exclaims and looks at Ned then runs up to him and hugs him. "You shouldn't have!" 

"Okay well if you don't want them I'll just take them back-" Ned says then she playfully hits his arm. "Ow ow ow! Super strength girl! Remember?"

"Oh right sorry. Thanks for the snacks. You guys can share them with me if you want?" Melody offers. 

"No. They're yours princess. You enjoy them. I'll let Aunt May know what happened so she'll let you stay with us." Peter says. 

"Thanks tiger. I owe you one." Melody tells him. 

"I'll hold you to that MJ." Peter says then kisses the top of her head before leaving the room. 

"I've got to get home but I'll see you tomorrow MJ. Let me know if you need anything." He says and gives her a hug before leaving. 

Michelle stayed behind and Melody could tell that she wanted an explanation. 

"Did your parents ever beat you up for not being smart?" Melody asks. 

"Once when I was little." Michelle says. "So I studied harder and got smarter. Then they stopped." 

"I wish I could be smart like you." Melody says. "I'm a little jealous of your relationship with your Peter to be honest." Michelle's eyes went wide. 

"You're jealous of me!" She exclaims. "You're a freaking one woman army! You get to be a part of his life in a way I never can. You guys are so much closer then me and my Peter could ever be because I'm not a hero." 

"That's not true." Melody says. "We may be closer as Spider-Man and Dragonfly but in school we couldn't be more different. It kills me to see him have to dumb himself down around me when I know he'd much rather be talking about some exciting tech thing or new chemical with someone that could actually understand what he's talking about. Peter's tried to tutor me and stuff but no matter what it just seems like I'll never understand the things he loves. I may be his partner in battle but I'm useless as a companion." Some tears fell from her eyes. 

"I guess we both feel like we're holding our Peter's back from something." Michelle says. 

"It would appear so." Melody says and wipes the tears from her eyes. Suddenly her eyes lit up and she smiled and looked at Michelle. 

"What are you thinking?" Michelle asks. Melody just stares at her. "Okay girl explain yourself right now because you are seriously starting to creep me-" Melody throws herself at Michelle and hugs her tight. 

"You can teach me how to be smart!" Melody exclaims. Michelle looks confused. 

"How would I do that?" She asks as Melody sets her down. "If normal school and tutoring methods aren't working for you then I'm not sure how I could-" 

"Because you're me!" Melody explains. "You know how my brain works better than anyone else ever could! You could teach me how you study and how you remember things and then maybe I'll be able to be more like you!" 

"That might actually work." Michelle says. Melody smiles. "But what do I get in return?" 

"I'll teach you how to be an Avenger." Melody says. "So that way when you get back to your Peter, you'll be able to fight at his side." 

"Deal." Michelle said immediately and the two girls shook hands.

They felt a strange energy pass between them as their hands clasped together. They both pulled away and looked at each other curiously before deciding to drop the anomaly and get ready for school tomorrow. 

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed! Please give me feedback!

Tags: @vampirefreakism @kawaiipanda2005 @marijeeex@avengemenugget @parker-holland

[hxroldosborn-blog]

told you and the Devil to both just leave me alone ;;

When: 18th May 2017, late evening

Summary; After his meeting with Spider-woman, the guilt of Harry’s actions and the pain he’s caused himself and his friends push him into a decision that puts his life in danger.

Mentioned: @bubblegumandfirecrackers @ghostsoldxt @ofhellionkeller @you-just-hit-the-jackpot @kristencoded @nospiderling @pathcrossed @symbioticsoldier @spxdergwens @oflawenforcement @gwendolynexstacy

Triggers: Illness, injection, death mention, mental illness (MPD), suicidal thoughts/self sacrifice

[NEWS REPORT: Late in the evening on May 18th, paramedics found the young Oscorp CEO, Harold Osborn, unconscious in the Oscorp Industries building. Sources say the illness that killed his father, Oscorp’s founder and previous CEO Norman Osborn, has finally struck his only son. Harold has been rushed to hospital for immediate treatment, but it’s currently unclear as to just how far his illness has progressed. Harold has relaunched Oscorp here in Star City with huge success and positive public support, not to mention their continuous community support, and plenty are hoping for a speedy recovery for the young CEO.]

When the so-called Spider-Woman finally disappears, Harry locks his office door and doesn’t let anyone in, doesn’t take any calls, doesn’t do anything except work. Work on the cure, the project, trying to find the closest simulation they’ve had so far to success. He can still hear her voice running through his mind, the accusations, the questions, the insinuation that she knows Goblin is somehow tied to Oscorp… tied to him. And the more he thinks about it the more his hands shake, the more his heart pounds, the more he can feel himself falling to pieces and he can’t do it. He can’t do it anymore.

Felicia bids him farewell for the evening, a little concerned but she must have a job to get to and he doesn’t blame her for not wanting to hang around, assuring her everything’s fine and he’ll see her tomorrow. He doesn’t want her to be part of this, not again - she still carries so much guilt from the last time, for telling him about the venom, about Special Projects in the first place and she wasn’t to blame, he would never say she was. But this time, he can protect her from that guilt. He can protect her from this.

He waits for the building to empty before he leaves his office, making his way into the lab they’ve been working in. All of the data is in there, the simulations, the equipment and chemicals to make the cure when they find the right sequence to work with his genes, to make him healthy again without bringing back the illness his genetics cursed him with. The only stop he makes is to the most restricted area of the entire building - the storage area with the remains of the venom, and the only person who can access it is Harry. He’s not letting anyone else put themselves at risk of this hell because he was careless. Never.

He’s hurt so many people, caused so much pain, and as hard as Harry’s tried, he can feel the guilt eating away at him, a constant reminder that he did this, he caused all of this, he gave so many people the pain they feel at this loss. And he knows, Peter and Jubilee and Julian, they keep telling him it’s not his fault. They keep trying to convince him, but Harry just… doesn’t know how to live with the knowledge that his hands killed her.

Even as he brings up the simulations on the large holographic display in front of him, Harry can see Flash’s face, the look of anger, of horror, of pain at the knowledge of what had happened. That his friend housed the monster that killed Gwen. He can hear MJ’s voice ringing in his ears, the anger and the anguish and the grief so raw and sharp that it still makes him feel dizzy just at the thought of it. She was right, in a way - Harry may not have done this to their friend, but he’s sure as hell responsible for Goblin’s existence in the first place.

The monster only exists because of the twisted pain inside Harry’s own mind - how can it not be his fault? How is he not to blame for all of this?

Picking out the sequence with the closest match to neutralise the venom and leave him in decent health, Harry can still see the crowd at the funeral, hear the echoing sobs all around them in the church, the cries of the boys as they wished for their sister to come back home. Helen, already so frail, already struggling, watching as they buried her daughter alongside her husband. Jim, a man so strong made to look so pained as they carried her casket together. Peter - a shell, so broken, so lost without her in his life. They were two parts of a whole, Gwen and Peter, and now she’s gone… because of Harry.

He takes out the syringe, the blue-green liquid of the cure so vibrant, the faintest possibility of hope that he could be free of this. And along with it… he can see Gwen. Crying. Her voice shaking, weak. Begging. Desperate to survive, to live. Harry can see her - he sees her every night when he tries to close his eyes. He’s barely slept in a week, so scared he’ll hear her pleas again, but now - now that he’s facing the possibility of being sure this will never happen again, he lets those memories drive him, that feeling of helplessness as his hands closed around her neck, the undeniable heartbreak he’d felt when Goblin let her fall to her death.

Harry takes all of that guilt and lets it drive him, sticking the needle into a vein on his arm and injecting the cure before he can stop himself. He can’t be this any longer - he can’t.

Even if it fails, even if - if this cure kills him, Harry can at least die knowing Goblin can never hurt anyone he loves again. And that’s worth it - that’s a small price to pay, for their safety.

He can feel the chemicals rushing through his system, and it burns, a harsh, screaming pain erupting in his body and Harry knows immediately something’s not right. Dropping onto the chair, he curls over the tabletop as he takes out his phone, dialling Jubilee’s number - she needs to know, he needs to tell her how much he loves her, that if this is the end of him he did it to keep her safe, to protect her from Him -

Hi, this is Jubs. You know what to do next!

“Babe -“ Harry’s words are cut off with a groan, loud and harsh and broken as the pain intensifies. “I did… I did something stupid, I’m sorry -“ He grits his teeth against the pain, like pins and needles times a thousand all over his skin and it’s torture. “I love you, Jubilee - I love you so much, I’m so sorry. I love you.”

He hangs up before letting out a strangled shout of pain, his mind too clouded to know who he can call from here. He can barely seen the screen of his phone as he searches for a name, and the only one that jumps out to him is Isabella’s and he dials it in desperation, his free hand gripping at the edge of the table as he tries to keep himself grounded.

Harry’s not sure how much sense he makes on the phone with her, mumbling something about work and cures and pain, oh god it hurts, please help me - He slips off the chair as he writhes, falling to the floor and the impact just makes everything hurt all the more, jarring his entire body and he can barely move. The phone drops from his hands and things start to go blurry, and it takes him a few moments to find his phone again only to find the call’s disconnected.

Clumsy, shaking hands shoot out pointless text messages, cries for help, desperate for someone to come and undo the stupid thing he’s done.

[Text → Julian]: he p it brns

[Text → Bucky]: Lt me kil h im

[Text → MJ]: u were ri t e

The seconds tick by as he tries to find someone he can call, somehow landing on Peter - Peter, who’s been working so hard on this cure, Peter who’s never let him down, Peter who’s believed in him no matter what he is, what lives in his mind, and Harry can feel his body growing weaker and weaker, he can barely hold the phone from how much he’s shaking, laying his head down against the floor as he presses the phone to his ear. “Peter.. Oscorp, I.. hel p m e…”

[tube-thoughts-blog]

Vol. 14

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

--- MTV's 120 Minutes w/ Alan Hunter:

*Alan has to be pulled out of his dressing room listening to George Jones (Sure, George is way too manly for Alan)

*The pinnacle of man towered over by skyscrapers in a very 20th century modern art ad for athletic 80s yuppies who drink milk. Yuppies listen to Phil Collins on evening MTV, not late night 120 minutes alternative bands.

*Wrigley's gum w/ nutrasweet for sweater wearing 80s families to chew on long bike rides.

*Awesomely 80s retro ad for a Casio keyboard drum that has a dorky guy walking around the type of alley Michael Jackson would dance in until he meets a sexy looking keyboard player who would fit right in with Prince's band at the time.

*TSOL "Colors": Another edgy new wave The Cult-esque sounding music video featuring cowboys. What was up with these bands & cowboys? Depeche Mode did it too. Decent.

*Walk in the West "Lonely Boy": Another edgy cowboy themed video? This time with the alt version of Cougar Mellon? This is more bluesy & has some of those awesome 80s video editing techniques with the band superimposed over shots of driving through rural America. Decent.

*The Descendents "Kids On Coffee": Very 80s punk/hardcore aesthetics featuring mugs of coffee & pictures of Molly Ringwald for some reason. Decent.

*Some new alternative records for the week are gone over by Alan. A few hip hop show up. Not sure if these were quirky hip hop acts or if hip hop was still considered a niche.

*Nickelodeon tips from Dennis. Nick still aired the Menace at this point. Now the black & white, non-trying-to-be-a-Teeny-Bopper-Pop-Star-themed show would give tween brats a seizure.

*Hey, "hoppin' & bobbin'" 80s family, sign up for HBO & cable. You'll get a free phone alarm clock too. Huh? Phone alarm clock? Whose dumb idea was that invention? People will never sleep beside their phones & use them for alarms *wink*

*Vomitous preview for a Joan London talk show about being a great mom & Mother's day on the Lifetime Network. Now, Joan stars in a commercial about putting her dear old mom in a nursing home to get rid of her. Ha!

*A generic new wave pop band "The Hooters" in an MTV bumper & performing & bowing, in front of a concert crowd, as a god awful song by them with the lyrics "Day by day" plays.

*Another cartoon graphics bumper for MTV featuring a jackpot machine scroll. More imagination went in to all these old bumpers than has gone into actual MTV programmingin the last almost two decades since the early 2000s.

*Joe Piscopo in a Miller Lite beer ad playing an over the top 80s wrestler, named Python Piscopo, taking over a seedy dive bar

*"Captain EO" a strangely forgotten Disney theme park music video / movie attraction produced by George Lucas & starring Michel Jackson. Looks good if you like MJ's 80s videos & Star Wars.

*James "So Many Ways": An Aussie sounding new wave singer is dancing, around a field of amber grains, like a spastic. Something new wave singers were known for doing. Dancing like a spastic. Nice, soaring, Bono-esque vocals. More than decent via video cliches.

*The Housemartins "Happy Hour": Quirky U.K. band in a pub partying themed video w/ California Raisins style animation. Terrific.

*Get a KODAK Supralife battery & be able to play air guitar longer beside your giant 80s ghetto blaster boombox. Awesome.

*"Did You know?" ad w/ 1-800 number for ordering a Yugo compact car. Pretty cheap too for a new car under 4,000. Not sure how much a new car cost in the 80s, but it would be hard to get a used car w/out 100,000 plus miles on the motor for anywhere near that amount today.

*Pringles Sour Cream & Onion dip chips has the Royal Family going goofy for the flavor.

*The low fi "do it yourself" aesthetics of videos by bands like Gene Loves Jezebel are something corporate produced videos can't re-capture.

*Gene Loves Jezebel "Heartache": Okay, I might have spoke too soon. The band had signed with Geffen records by the point of this video & the earlier clip doesn't apply. This video is slick w/ better camerawork, but the band's music still manages to shine thru. ---- Decent.

*The Bolshoi "A Way": This Brit band takes over some nice mum's quaint home to film aspooky little number for I.R.S. records 80s R.E.M.'s label

*"The Long Ryders" a hopeful "band" (not sure if real), in a Miller Beer ad, perform theircorny bar band rock & roll in a bar in Hollywood near Tower Records.

*Another stereotypical 80s dorky teen (the kind in every 80s teen movie) plays a CASIO keyboard in his totally 80s bedroom for his bored out of its mind hound-dog w/ big ears

*A 50s via the 80s "Leave it to Beaver" type nerd talks in the mirror about Cracker Jacks & then shares them with his sweetheart.

*Wrap up Hollywood hit movies like "The Karate Kid" & "The Al Jolson Story" (complete w/ him in facepalmingly funny black face) for only $29.95

*Soft & Dri ladies deodorant helps a cute black chick get ready for her tv news debut

*MTV's "Make My Video" contest for a chance to make a video for Madonna. Wow! 80s Madonna was iconic, I'll have to admit. Right up there with all the other 80s icons. Pretty to boot. Also included, in winning, is a surplus of Twix candy bars & a Levis wardrobe. I'd like to see some of the terrible entries from the contest.

*Bang "Summertime" an MTV Basement tapes winner: This NYC street video featuring a garage band that looks like KISS minus makeup feels like it would belong more on regular MTV or Headbangers Ball.  --- Fair.

*Cactus World News "The Bridge": A big, soaring U2 sounding band plays for a concert festival. --- Decent.

*Alan insults Cactus World News & blames it on a music article. I admire the bite that MTV wouldn't show today in insulting an artist on their network. They'd be considered a product that would be above criticism today, if they still had vj's or music videos. Still, Alan is the wrong person to be hosting this show, as MTV would soon figure out.

*The Go-Betweens "Head Full Of Steam": Video w/ a band that has a prissy looking leadsinger & Cure video style aesthetics. Nice crooning. -- Decent.

*80s mallrat teens tired of waiting forever for zits to go away get Clearasil & then beat it on their mopad or skateboard to the local foodcourt to gawk at each other while screwing up their skin even more with chocolate milkshakes & greasy pizza slices. The winner: corporate America. The loser: hormonal teens & their scraping to get by parents.

*Toni volumizer makes any 80s chick look like a high fashion sex kitten.

*"Heartbeat of America is today's Chevrolet"... This was a time when picturesque Americana actually might have meant something before global trade sent automotive jobs overseas.These quirky Americans & American made autos have vanished. Replaced by crumbling urban landscapes (Detroit), jobless & depressed people, along with foreign made products & autos.

*Sammy Hagar era Halen takes over MTV for a week. Would have been more fun w/ Diamond Dave. Can't imagine any band taking over MTV anymore much less one like Van Halen.

*The Wind "Good News, Bad News": A funny semi-acoustic duo music act performs for their neighbors in block party black & white video. Close to decent.

*A Brit rock (nobody that I recognize) ex-junkie for a "No Drugs & Alcohol" sober music making experience 1 - 800 recovery number. Being sober is probably why his music career is so forgettable.

*James Brown for MTV. James Brown popular in the 60s & here still recognized on MTV in the late 80s. Current MTV doesn't recognize music much less music legends.

*Cryin' Out Loud "Live It Up": "I ain't no Marxist" a lyrical band w/ "a message." Fair.

*Awesome post-apocalyptic arena combat ad for a "Lazer Tag" toy. "Stadium not included ."Ha. Someone must have complained that their backyard wasn't as fantasy like as this ad.

*"VCR Theater," every night at 2am on The Movie Channel, helps rock lovin' chicks, who sleep with their electric guitar, record a flick. Why the rock & roll theme was included, in the ad, must have been because the ad was MTV specific. Otherwise, it makes no sense.

*Penn & Teller have "blood & fire" as they guest host MTV. "Born to be wild" badasses.

*A rock & roll hotel in "Playin' For Keeps" rated PG13. 80s PG, which GoodBadFlicks.com would tell you might equal a little R rated sex & nudity & language w/ the comedy. I had forgotten this 80s movie. Might be a forgotten gem, might be well a forgotten dud.

*Christy Brinkley for taking a shower & using Prell shampoo. I, like Chevy Chase, am all for getting a little wet w/ the very sexy 80s model Christy Brinkley.

*More bad jokes & bad silver jackets from Alan.

*Timbuk 3 "Future's So Bright, Gotta Wear Shades": A minor classic. terrific.

*Christmas "Big Plans": Clever points for the band name. Clever & quirky video featuring mailroom drudgery. The band escapes into a fantasy world filled with cliche 80s cheesy & weird video editing techniques. Close to terrific.

*Alan's head is now a talking head in an 80s tv set. Silver 80s tv sets w/ either a rabbit's ears antenna or a dial cable box are more art & make me feel more happy than a 60 inch flat screen wall hanging home movie theater experience to watch crappy 20 tens era reality shows on. Those old tvs played awesome UHF local tv stations & awesome at the time cable channels.

*Every day Joes drink Miller beer after they get off work from their blue collar jobs. It's the "American Way" of getting liver disease & addiction & emotional / relationship problems when you're "Born & raised in the U.S.& A."

*"Top Gun, the number one soundtrack" w/ music from Kenny Loggins, Berlyn, & Loverboy. Coming to a yuppie moron's car stereo near you! (unfortunately)

*"Dippity Do" hair styling gel for futuristic 80s weirdos.

*MTV was hip in the 80s, I might not say this enough, & for clarity on how "cool" it actually was... it had guys sticking their fists up chicken butts & wiggling said fist, while their bald heads were covered in whip or shaving cream. Why? Why not?

*The Rainmakers "Let My People Go-Go": Funky, bluesy, quirky, top hat wearing band rocks the house (literallY) while their horn section blows it up out in some rural decay while walking around w/ the bulldog from Little Rascals. Decent.

*Billy Chinmock "Somewhere in the Night": tape cut out, so who knows, didn't look like it was gonna be great for an alt video what w/ its aesthetics of a high style 80s babe walking down a foggy back alley. zero.

I think at this point in 1980's 120 minute alt rock history, they had mistaken alot of the popular bluesy rock of the time for alt rock & mixed it in w/ the Brit new wave. It didn't mesh together well. I guess none of the music on 120 minutes history ever truly did through the changing time periods & trends. At least it existed for a while & was something a bit different.

*Limited Warranty "Hit You": 120 Minutes has definitely gone off, at this point, but the tape has another video for me. It's a new wave pretty boy group. In the style of A-Ha "Take on Me." It's nothing terrible for what it is. Pretty catchy like most of that kind of music was. Decent, I guess.

close to 2 for Alan,  close to 3 for MTV, 2 1/2 for videos, 2 1/2 for ads

--------------------------------------

Geraldo Rivera: Exposing Satan's Underground *"This is a horror that will give children bad dreams." We're not talking about Satan,no, it's Geraldo's mustache. Jokes & utter stupidity aside... Seriously, after all his 80s & 90s tabloid garbage "news" hysteria, it's unbelievable that Geraldo still has a career in journalism.* zero stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Ouija Boards & Near Death Experiences *The mind can be deceived through cheap games & brain power-outs.* close to 3 stars

--- DinosaurDracula.com presents Creepy Commercials Countdown:

*Sunkist Spooky Fruit (1989): Eat enough gummy fruit flavored snacks & wake up, from a candy coma, in a cemetery filled w/ animated trees, lounge about skeletons, & purple people eaters from the stars.* 2 stars

*Easter Seals Halloween Coupons w/ Vincent Price (1990): "Halloween doesn't have to be spooky." It's blasphemy for a lame organization to get one of the most symbolically spooky actors of all time to say this. "It should be warm & friendly." Even if it's meant to be ironic & Vincent Price sure reads it that way, it sucks. I want Halloween to be like Halloween 3, and end horribly. Well, at least in my imagination. Candy & fright. Not "safe" coupons.* 1 star

*Coors Light Beer w/ Elvira (1991): If I were an Addams family style disembodied hand & I met Elvira, I would do more than try to hand her a beer. I would crawl down the front of her very open black dress & never come out. Also, I wouldn't mind being at a Halloween party stuck behind Elvira in one of those two person horse costumes.* 3 stars

*Spooky Goop Halloween Make-Up (1988): Be the coolest & weirdest kid on the block going from cheap ghoul face paint to full on Fulci's Zombi grotesque skin.* 3 stars

*The People's Court Frankenstein Promo (1988): Village idiots will kill over daytime trash tv. Dr. Frankenstein & his monster (son?) would have been great guests on Jerry Springer.* close to 3 stars

----------------------------

Public Access: "My Name Is John Daker" *A mumbling piano lady, of some Methodist church according to her, & a mumbling male singer who couldn't be more stiff. They attempt a song about "The Lord" only for it to devolve into jaunty number about the moon hitting one's eye like a big-ah pizza pie.* either 1 star or 3 stars terrible becoming terrific

--- Red Letter Media presents Best of the Worst: Shakma, Python II, and Beaks the Movie

*Shakma: A crazy baboon on the loose while its victims live action role play in a college animal testing lab.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 (for primate slasher premise cuteness)

*Python II: One of those crappy CGI snake genre flicks. A genre that would be further made worse by SYFY & Asylum later on in the 2000s. The python looks startling, in its scenes, but I do not know if that's just all the taco soup, that I ate earlier, talking or what.* 1 1/2 stars

*Beaks the Movie: The VHS box cover says "unintentionally funny." See, hipsters, our VHS ancestors were self aware too. So, this is pretty much an Italian exploitation version of Hitchcock's "The Birds" complete w/ that Eye-Talian auteur creative cliche of animal cruelty. Such a dumb premise taken to its heights of ridiculousness, but M. Night would try it with "The Happening" & there's the "wants to be so bad so bad it's good" but isn't "Birdemic 1 & 2." Not really all that fun, except to Red Letter's Rich.* 1 star

According to Red Letter Media, Beaks is best (by default) Shakma is divisive & Python 2 was supposed to get destroyed by beach birds but they don't like birdseed covered VHS tapes

-------------------------------

Classic Comedy Central: Buddy Scott trio in the elevator *An office worker ant is trapped in his coffin falling a hundred plus floors to hell. He cheers up when a lounge act sing to him the message that he's "heading to the top." Penn Jillette (then voice of Comedy Central) says to "Think positive."* 2 1/2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*You Gotta Be Kidding Me: The customer is always a pain in the rear of the golf shorts.* 1 star

*They're Coming For Your Kids!: "For the cost of two Cokes," & one soul, they'll become manipulative salespeople of religious literature on their school campuses.* 1 or 3 stars

*The Net: "From astrology to gardening & punk rock."* close to 3 stars

*Telephone Song!: Be correct when you dial collect. Tween girls discover the power of the telephone. They all do.* 2 1/2 stars

*Rock Music & the Occult: "God isn't interested in impressing teenagers." Hence the reason that Satan's rock music is so successful.* 3 stars

----------------------------

"B Videos 101 Vol. 1" *"Perfect, no one suspects" that Andy Griffith is a bar brawling deviant, that Redd Foxx is from a galaxy far far away, or that Papa Smurf likes to have his salad tossed.* 2 1/2 stars & zero stars for the doo doo Jackson Pollock porno finale

--- Phone Losers:

*Security Cam Pranks - The Kitchen Couple: An outrageous & short lived invasion of boring breakfast table privacy.* either zero or close to 2 1/2 stars

*Home Security Prank Call - Peace of Mind: Every hour on the hour reassurance is bothersome & as comforting as forced prayer.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Rich Neighborhood Prank Calls: We've been going through your trash, & we don't like what we find.* 2 1/2 stars

*Tenants from Hell - Archaeological Dig Site: Before you hear it on the news, we want to let you know about the giant skeletons & the buried alien technology that we found.* close to 3 stars

-----------------------

Beavis & Butthead: It's So Cold in the D *"This is hard to dance to." Detroit has fallen on such hard times, the very danceable to hip hop sounds more like a funeral song.*

2 1/2 stars w/ riffing

1 star w/out

5 Dollar Wrestling: Death Match Dance Party *"Blood in the roller-rink."* 2 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*How To Have Cybersex on the Internet: "those who have mastered the art of one handed typing."* close to 3 stars

*It Only Takes A Second: "to be safe" or die in a hilariously horrible accident.*

3 stars

*Mr. Nasty - Insult VHS Tape: Mr. Nasty is such a bad insult comedian, he makes Andrew Dice Clay look like Jeffry Ross who looks like Nazi propaganda of a Jew on marijuana.* 1 star

*What Does God Say About Worldliness: "It's better to go to a funeral than to go to a party." Maybe so, but it's not as much fun. So this failed comedian, turned touring for money evangelist, says one can have a fine stable of horses, cars, or women... but HaHa, it's a one way ticket to H-E-L-L. The evangelical sort of brags about having a stable of finely bred horses, by the way. His audience looked like they were at a funeral. No smiles, no laughs, no horses, just misery. I thought they called it the gospel (good news).* 1 star

*Something's Happening: Watching the mucus sizzle. The "stuff that's killing the world" (mucus) of a old man / mucus conspiracy theorist. (What did I just watch?!)* Uh? stars?

------------------------------

--- Monstervision w/ Joe Bob Briggs: Coma

*Joe Bob has on his gloriously un-politically correct rebel flag western shirt (Joe Bob is just too un-PC for current tv) & he does a funny editorial on the world's obsession with wrapping the everyday garbage products we produce & consume up with so much other wrapping that there's no real garbage anymore just the plastic we used to hold all the crap we consumed.

*TNT had such a hard on for E.R. coming to TNT, Joe Bob says that's the reason the first flick is E.R. creator Michael Crichton's "Coma"

*Drive In totals:  77 dead bodies... 8 breasts 2 living 6 dead (censored)... Brain slicing kidney weighing.. vegetable handling.. organ donating.. plastic covered peni (Devious look on Joe Bob's face as he says this).. death by electrocution...  gratuitous New England antiquing... fire extinguisher fu.. cadaver fu..

*Huggies ad w/ a baby parachuting out of a plane thru fluffy clouds. Don't diapers sell themselves? Babies are cute, sure, but is this to convince new parents of that fact & to make the awful reality of changing shitty diapers not have them wanting to put their brat up for adoption?

*Dennis Miller for dollar collect calls & being a smug asshole. Only good thing that he ever did was Weekend Update on SNL, & Norm was better at it. Fallon & Tina not my choice...Colin Quinn pretty okay...

*Fisher Price Rescue Mission toddler action figures ad... Huh? This isn't Saturday morning cartoon commercial breaks? This is after 11pm TNT. Why the ads for kids & their parents?

*A dog dreams about bacon in the classic "Beggin Strips" commercial. I think this would not be politically correct now either. Dogs can't eat bacon because their owners have to feed them liberal nazi approved gluten free & non-processed healthy meat dog food. Surely no bacon, a little chicken (no hormones) & they'd just love to take meat away from dogs & make them vegans. They don't go that far yet, but PETA probably does with their pets.

*Leann Rimes (sp?) croons the classic country song "Blue" while images of picturesque Maine play in a Red Lobster commercial. Nice combo.

*An ad about the type of toothbrush (Oral B) a dentist uses, & so should you. Dentists also have free access to all the high tech dental cleaning & surgery tools in their office, so why does it matter that they use a certain toothbrush at home? It doesn't.

*WCW's "The Giant" has nostrils so big that he could inhale most normal size people. Check him out on TNT's WCW Monday Nitro.

*Ikea turns a subway train into a kitschy living space for the daily grind passengers. Ikea furniture also is the decor of one of the sub levels of Hell.

*Joe Bob reads from the "trashy" novel version of Coma while he sips from his Budweiser covered in a TNT logo coozy.

*Another of the countless "never need another" "get back to your outdoor life" allergy rx ads. I wonder if evolved alien civilizations, out there in the stars, still deal w/ allergy problems on their planets filled w/ lush plant life...

*Firestone helps a young college age guy & his dog get back out on the road of life in his beat up convertible.  "Saved money too." Sure, mechanics aren't rip off artists.

*Visit the TNT website for NBA news, a Babylon 5 chatroom (you were a legit nerd if you were on a chat site like this in the 90s, not a hipster nerd), even a Monstervision page

*$1.99 Disney toys in Happy Meals has a future out of the closet broadway kid putting on a living room show, along w/ his sister, for his parents who are too cheap to buy real toys or cook an actual healthy dinner for their kids. Harsh, but whatever.

*Kevin Nealon, another Weekend Update SNL alumni, sells out to a collect call ad.

*Antz, one of the early CGI Pixar style movies. Has some of the charm, if I'm remembering correctly, of those CGI cartoon movies for kids, not as obnoxious as most, but the animation hasn't aged well (imo).

*Monks avoid breaking their vow of silence by chewing "Beano" before eating gassy salads at dinner. First semi clever & funny & not despisable ad of the night.

*Digitally restored, & w/ dvd style extras, episodes of Star Trek coming to 1990s Sci Fi channel hosted by Shatner.

*Joe Bob has an I.V. drip ran into his beer to keep with the medical theme.

*Joe Bob makes a joke about Dustin Hoffman being a midget who has to wear platform pimp shoes. ha

*Two patronizing ads to talk about. One w/ a less manly man who needs to get a mid sized Sonoma pick up truck like a "real man." Another about a old maid going to Tru Value to pick up (not truck) a can of paint to match her cat's furball.

*Eggo's new microwave pancakes (I'm sure they're edible?) make a dad believe he's a short order breakfast cook at a greasy spoon diner. One where truckers show up in a family's kitchen in the morning. If truckers are showing up in your kitchen, uninvited, it's not for griddle cakes. It's cause you're gettin' raped.

*Wanna check out what whitebread 90s peoples looked like, view this "So easy to use, no wonder it's #1" America Online 1 800 number commercial

*"Come see the softer side of SEARS" Short story, every time I used to go to the mall ,I somehow ended up entering thru the SEARS appliance section. So, first I was greeted by refrigerators, washers, dryers, color tvs (Dire Straits, wink). The softer side, the SEARS clothing section, was way off in another part of the mall. Some tucked away corner. By the time that I was there, mall anxiety was really getting to me. I wanted to Tom Savini "Dawn of the Dead" special fx kill a few mall motherfuckers. Not really. I'm more timid & just wanted to run back out the way I came thru all the appliances.

*Joe Bob talks about Rip Torn being a good ole Texas boy & having starred in an episode of I Love Lucy. Joe Bob doesn't really like Lucy (me either) but feels like he's seen every episode (me too for some reason).

*Joe Bob blames Nick at Nite for classic tv osmosis, & says we're better off watching "hick at nite." I definitely digged TNT's Monstervision & 100 % Weird, but there were a few late nite Nick at Nite shows worth watching like F-Troop & Dobie Gillis among others

*"Get back to the groovy 60s" w/ flower power & free love? No. McDonald's Big-Macs & fries instead. The secret sauce is almost as good as sex & for 49 cents, the same price a burger was in 1969, I'm in. Don't take the brown acid or Grimace will really freak you out, mannnn!

*Kinkos guido competitors think it's better to have comedy than color printing. Not a bad ad going off one viewing & not having it ran into the ground like tv ads' fate goes.

*"Smile you got French's Smile you got fun." French's mustard. Smile you got heartburn. Smile you got a nasty yellow stain on your white t-shirt. Points for the dog, in the ad, w/ a whole hotdog held sideways in his mouth w/out swallowing. That had to have lasted all of 2 seconds. Dogs swallow everything whole in seconds.

*Cute commercial w/ live bears dressed up like a mama bear & her school aged children little bears. She dresses them up in backpacks & sends them off into the woods to go to school. She packs a lunch of rice krispie treats in wrappers. Bears & people food don't mix. The bears probably destroyed the set to eat all the sticky candy & mauled a few school children once they got to school.

*Motorola phones & pagers give NYC hipster yuppies "wings." It's a fashion model / actress who attended suit & gown parties while also keeping it real w/ her across town jeans & t-shirt boyfriend. Not sure how many regular folks had a cell phone at this point. Pagers were pretty popular yet ghetto.

*Campbells tries to give moms the delusion that their teenage sons will leave the bedroom & the Playstation long enough to have a family meal in the kitchen.

*Hip Hop tapdance meets RiverDance meets the Salsa dance in a TOPS appliance ad. Why they needed to spice up an appliance store grand opening is just a sign of the popularity of River Dance crap at this point in the 90s.

*TimeWarner cable, it's like a bagel penetrated by the Empire State building. No, really, that's the image they put on the screen. Not sexual subliminal at all, wink wink. Either that or they're saying, "Fuck you, New York, pay your overpriced TimeWarner cable bill, 'cause we got our figurative giant dick up your ass!"

*Joe Bob claims to have been kicked out of a convent of nuns. Fox in the hen-house.

*I think it's important to view these old (not too old) ads, because the sinister hand appears, & is more visible given the historical context. It shows that sinister hand has always been around trying to make the world outside the hamster wheel seem prettier than it really is.

*Wear Target clothes & look like a model photographed in stunning black & white photography Yep.

*Tony Danza is the boss of fifty percent off collect calls. These collect calls ads were the pathetic celebrity precursor to things like Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice & Dancing w/ the Stars.

*Preview for James Garner in a TNT original movie along with Kathleen Turner. Ted Turner had a real hard on for old actors like Garner.

*A Geico car insurance fairy ad. Geico were already torturing people at this point? Hmmm.

*Another Geico ad w/ a business guy bumming a ride on the back of a chicken truck w/ feathers flying in his mouth & all over the place. Quirky, but still Geico, & they've worn out their welcome long ago.

*Joe Bob & Reno the Mail Girl discuss Bill Clinton lowering the standards of America's women w/ his flawed Southern charm & looks.

*"Words instead of letters" to the tune of "Sweet nuthins" on Motorola Wings pagers. The era of text messages has begun. Interesting ad for historical purposes.

*A pretty lady leans out of the darkness, turns on a light, & says "Do you see the tar stains on my teeth or smell the tobacco on my breath?" Well, no I don't have smell-o-vision & whatever happened to Targon mouthwash? Smokers just don't give a shit anymore. The rising price of smoking (health, money, & legally) has worn smokers down.

*Clairol hair color. Coloring one's hair can make that person feel like a "natural wo-man."

*Joe Bob thinks that the TNT censors are out to blur comatose boobs because they mistakenly think the sight of them will make people wanna screw nekkid corpses.

*Joe Bob ridicules the plot holes & foolishness involving bumbling security guards & a heroine who is clued in but clueless.

*Coma: A sleuthing surgeon almost sinks trying to stop a corrupt hospital conspiracy of organ harvesting for profit & having a social climbing coworker boyfriend (Michael Douglas) who doesn't, til almost her end, believe her conspiracy.*

running from 2 to 2 1/2 stars for Coma, 3 for Joe Bob, & 1 1/2 for the ads

--------------------------------

The Young Turks: Fox News's War On... Sharks *Clear the waters, sharks, people are number 1.* 2 stars (edit years later: I used to occasionally get news from the turds at Turks. how dumb.)

Public Access: "Live TV Prank Calls To Pro-911 Communist Public Access Host" (youtube) *Bluff & guff.* either 1/2 or 1 star

James Randi & Psychic Crime Solving *Police don't officially use psychics but often rely on their illogical detective work.* either 1/2 (what'd you expect? other than sensational lies by the psychic. which this time didn't happen. therefore dull reading.) or 3 stars

==== The Comfort Zone w/ Ray Comfort:

"Ray Comfort's New Homosexuality Movie" ("Audacity" ha...)

*"People were begging" this Aussie sounding evangelical, Kirk Cameron's buddy, the guy who debated, along with Kirk, atheists.

They were begging him to make a movie about gay ole homosexuality in the non-happy sin sense.

He's also infamous for a video where he talks about evolution & creation using a banana as an example.*

runs from 1 to close to 2 stars

(He's rather polite & there's not a lot of hate towards gays as usual w/ these things.)

(edit, years later:

when you're a shitlib supporter of gay rights, you put them up on a pedestal.

not realizing how truly degenerate they are.

this is way before I saw pics of what really goes on at pride parades.

where oral & anal sex takes place on the street along w/ half naked men in leather & clown outfits performing spankings & bondage acts.

many times, other non-gay themselves equal rights, for queers, supporters (like i was) would bring their families (including children) there to support these pride marches. that's a folly that should open more eyes. not sure it does when one is that blinded w/ the mindset of "don't judge" & "love is love"... ugh... smh in disgust & shame

here I was poking fun at a dumb evangelical (man of faith in a faithless world. an easy target.) & his banana folly

while thinking anyone else was intolerant or ignorant for holding onto tradition in the face of such odd & socially dysfunctional behavior.

forgive me.)

================================================================================

Conan on TBS: James Bobo Fay Got His Hands On Sasquatch Semen *Bobo is willing to "take one for the team" of bigfoot hunters. In the name of pseudo-science & love.* 2 1/2 stars

Kenny vs. Spenny: Who Is Cooler? *Kenny overdosing on black tar heroin or Spenny, Kenny's caring nurse, dressed up like a "Greek rapist" (Johnny Depp)? The obvious loser gets locked in a cold meat locker.* close to 3 stars

"Fan Made Dominos Pizza Commercial featuring a fake The Undertaker" *Okay, so it's the Summer of 1992? It's a few months before the World Wrestling Federation pay per view wrestling show "Summerslam." Beware though The Undertaker has been missing for months. That's not the strange part, no, the strange part is that The Naked Gun's Leslie Nielsen had been out searching for him in vignettes. Dominos pizza was the sponsor. Here, some real nerds borrow a vhs camcorder, their Dominos delivery gremlin of a car, & a nighttime cemetery to film one of their friends dressed up like their hero, The Under-taker, lurking behind a tree while, in said graveyard, ordering pizza through the power of the darkside? Not exactly sure, but he got them to deliver w/out paying for the pizza & only leaving an autographed picture of himself as a tip.* 3 stars for absurd effort

Look Around You: Food *Vegetable orchestra for the Feast of Saint Frankenstein. Featuring a piping hot casserole made out of recycled & dehydrated food that pushes the fat right out of the skin. Or you could stay home & celebrate your birthday with a delivery medicinal-pizza.* close to 3

"New Orleans Airwaves - The Mystery Morgus Episode" *Serialized & shot on grainy film, circa 1960s, mad science lab hijinks w/ all the gloriously ghoulish trappings.* more than 2 1/2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*Christian Star Wars: It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for an Imperial lazer beam to penetrate the soul of a believer.* 3 stars

*Anybody Can Make Chili Dogs: Knock on a stranger's door & share the message of love topped w/ a variety of condiments to mask the bland taste of grinded pig's anus packaged in a tube form.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Machine Gun Magic: "They're not for everyone." Just those who can't get enough of that tat-a-tat-tat action.* 1 star

*Police Scanner: The suspect appears to be an obese house-cat.*

either 1/2 a star or fair

*Why Wait For Heaven: The babyboom generation were really susceptible to cult thought & behavior.*

either 1 or 2 1/2 stars (eye opener, I'm now a mindless believer)

-------------------------------------

Manimal: Night of the Beast *Simple bear necessities of wildnerness life trying to be corrupted & turned into a casino resort for the mafia. Robert Englund (not quite Freddy just yet) vs. Manimal. There's a destructive claw, in the movie, but it's not Freddy's. It's Manimal in a ridiculous looking bear suit.* 2 1/2 stars

Men Without Hats - Safety Dance (Literal Version) *"Whack a midget's ass."* 2 1/2 stars for literal 3 stars for original

Angry Video Game Nerd: Seaman for Dreamcast *It has Leonard Nimoy. It eats time & knowledge. It says / does "fuck." It's not logical... or is it? (Cue creepy sci fi music)* 3 stars

The Young Turks: Man Breaks Leg Attempting To Rape Horse *Sadly "it wasn't his first "rodeo"..."* 1 star

Hannibal: Fromage *Lures & lutes. Hannibal gets into a kung fu showdown w/ a fellow serial killer.*

3 stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: PETA & Eat This! *Ethical? No. Infact, insanely evil. Emaciated? Yes. ------ Stop expecting results. Start exacting change. Avoid batshit crazy activists at all cost. They'd starve us all.* 3 stars

---- Memory Hole:

*I'm Obese Song: Just tryna tell you people that I'm messed up.* 3 stars

*Meatsack Worshipers: It puts the cow tongue on its skin or else it won't ever get Fritos again.* close to 3 stars

*Salad Tossers: Hidden Valley's behind closed doors food fetishes.* 2 1/2 stars

*Satan's Dinner Prayer: Dig in, hooves first.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Dance Til U Puke: Achy Breaky Rappers never die. They cry "unbutton my fly."* 3 stars

---------------------

"Munchies" (1987) *Roger Corman produced Gremlins ripoff starring Harvey Korman as a polyester sleazeball bumbling villain. Exists in a quirky America similar to Tim Burton's "Mars Attacks."* running from 2 down to 1 1/2 stars

---- Reel Wild Cinema w/ Sandra Bernhard : Supernatural Sirens

*Creepy Mexican 1940s Universal Horror looking horror short called "Curse of the Crying Woman." Pretty darn creppy, and much more depraved than Universal Horror.

*Sandra wants to slap a bitch (The Crying Woman) & then go get a massage (ha)

*Sandra says not to mess with the hearts of Texas witches or sell your soul to Hollywood

*"The Naked Witch" a story about Bruce Campbell's hipster twenty something year old uncle riding the backroads of Texas, in the 1960s, accidentally bringing back to life buried & vengeful femme fatales. while all the time narrating to himself about it.

*Sandra drops some info about the director of "Naked Witch" filming another flick called "Naughty Dallas" in a strip club owned by Lee Harvey Oswald's assassin Jack Ruby

*Comedian Dana Gould joins Sandra to talk about capes, masks, & restraining orders.

*Sandra gives a hilarious history lesson on Mexican imports including pain killers, ponchos, various other things from Tijuana, & most of all El Santo horror/sci fi movies

*"Samson vs. The Vampire Women"... Watch as El Santo gets "monkey flipped," then puts a werewolf in a "camel clutch" wrestling submission hold. I love typing that sentence.

*1950s retro ad where a woman shows off her Playtex magic plastic bra as she turns completely invisible, except for her underwear, in a grocery store of all places.

*Dana talks w/ Sandra about his friendship w/ Ed Wood's starlet Vampira (sp?). Great story about how she met a rollerskating Bela Lugosi on Hollywood Boulevard. Ha. awesome.

*"The Girl in the Cage"... a 1960s kooky nudie short minus the nudity. We can watch the kitschy siren paw at her bamboo prison, but no nudity. 'Cause even though we're all adults & this is late night, the Puritans who wouldn't ever watch this, & the kids, whose parents ought to have them in bed by late night tv time, might get offended. Nice jungle girl strip tease, none the less.

*Buy a Viva Santo t-shirt from this 1 800 number ad. Do it before Hot Topic puts it up at their store & makes it not cool to wear anymore. Shortly after, they did.

*Grindhouse coming attractions commercials for "The Werewolf vs. The Vampire Woman"... "Devil Woman" a cobra charming she bitch flick from Asia.... "Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico" a Frankenstein sexploitation feature....

*No surprise to find out, via the credits, that the show's "Film Doctor" is none other than the director of "Basket Case" & "Frankenhooker"

3 stars for the shorts & 3 stars for Sandra

----------------------------------

--- Crematia's Horrorscopes (old school tv horror host):

*Aries "A man w/ a glass eye will try to catch yours as his rolls under a table"... Not a bad way to meet. "Meet cutes" make me wanna puke. Glass eyes usually make me want to puke, too, This however I like.

*Taurus "A gardener will ask you to propagate. Don't do it. Ask him to fix the latch." If you have to be told not to screw your gardener, you need more than your horrorscope read. Gardeners don't look the way sexless middle aged women imagine them to be. No six-pack & tan. Only a mustache w/ bread crumbs in it. "Fix the latch." He's not a gynecology expert, either, I'm sure. If you can afford a gardener, you can afford a trip to the vagina doctor. We're already asking enough work, at slave wages, from our illegal help.

*Gemini "Cockroaches will stage a counter-revolution in your kitchen." Wouldn't that make the cockroaches already the oppressive regime in one's house if that were so?... No hiding when the lights come on. It's the humans crawling around in the dark trying to throw molotov cocktails in order to get access to the cereal cabinet or the fridge. Are they gonna booby trap cans of roach spray so that it will explode in the human's hands? That sounds more revolutionary than counter-revolutionary.

*Cancer "You'll be given a gift that requires batteries." This had to be tame in order to be on basic tv. But is a sex toy joke being worked in here? Not funny & probably not.

*Leo "A poultry farmer will ask you to do foul things, but you'll chicken out." Okay, maybe I was wrong about the last one not being about a sex toy. This is getting pretty grotesque. "Chickening out" hints at being interested in the first place. I don't know too many women or men who'd have to turn over in their heads the notion of doing foul things w/ a guy who more than likely smells of chicken feces even after bathing. Someone might be in to that. Someone w/out a gag reflex (I don't mean that in an oral sex sense).

*Virgo "A woman will view your clothing w/ disdain & offer you club soda." Bad joke.

*Libra "You'll attend a party that reminds you of a bowl of cereal full of fruits, nuts, & dates." First, you need some fruits & nuts to spice up a party. Aren't dates dried up fruit? Who'd want a dried up date? Not the fruit but an actual romantic interest... Who'd be at a party thinking about cereal? besides a really high stoner who couldn't wait to get back to their apt & watch cartoons....

*Scorpio "You'll be invited to the neighbors for a matzo ball but you won't know what to wear." If you're that culturally ignorant, then wear some of your Nazi memorabilia attire.

*Sagittarius "A grammarian will make rude comments about your dangling participle" that's pretty clever, I guess. unless your sexual partner is the grammarian.

*Capricorn "A fisherman will invite you to dinner. Go just for the halibut." Stay to look at his small dinghy. Surprised that she didn't say that too.

*Aquarius "A foreigner will misinterpret your body language & take you up on an offer." What's w/ all the references to stumbling into a bad sexual situation? People who follow the nonsense of the zodiac must be really paranoid about rape.

*Pisces "A phrenologist will ask to look at your wife's bumps." He's a doctor of small bumps. He's not a plastic surgeon wanting to give your wife bigger boobs.

Crematia has a dirty mind.

2 1/2 stars

---------------------------

GoodBadFlicks.com : "Bad Channels" *Orson Welles "War of the Worlds" radio airwaves alien panic meets early 1990s rock & roll cheese plus Full Moon Horror productions animatronics special fx work. Starring quirky & energetic MTV vj Martha Quinn.* close to 3 stars for the review

Idiot Box starring Alex Winter: Episode 1 *Raw animal urges & accounting.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Clerks TV Show Pilot (Disney) 1995 *So sanitized, Silent Bob would have Tourettes trying to sit through it. Jim Breuer would fit in pretty well w/ Jason Mewes.* close to 2 stars

The Daily Show w/ Craig Kilborn: 1996 Bill Clinton & Bob Dole Presidential Debate Coverage *Kilborn struggles to connect w/ the studio audience (I believe there was one & it wasn't just the crew laughing. Or maybe it was. Often quiet.. only minimal laughing noise). The correspondents of the Daily Show invade their first of many major political events. You could tell that the major news journalists didn't really know how to react to it. Nothing interesting to report from the snoozer debate. News of Sammy Hagar fired from Van Halen. A funny bit called "Tesh History" that I forgot about & remember liking back in the day. Craig interviews old school entertainers Joe Balogna & his wife Renee Taylor.* 2 stars

Nickelodeon Arcade (featuring the stars of Nick's Salute Your Shorts) *Donkey Lips & Buttlick (the redheaded scumbag pal of Edward Furlong in Terminator 2) go to a gameshow arcade ran by a quirky black dude in a colorfully loud shirt. The type of arcade that moms imagine. Ones w/ a green screen like on the weather channel & where kids wear bike helmets plus elbow & knee pads just to be safe.* 2 1/2 stars (fond childhood memory)

Reading Rainbow: The Salamander Room (1994) *LeVar visits a NYC zoo rainforest enclosure. Much love to Lynne Thigpen who was the voice of reading the story. An unsung hero of the show. Also, there's a reason the theme song is stuck in many an adult's head years & years after never hearing the song again. Good reason that is.* 3 stars

James Randi debunks an aura reader (youtube) *The aura reader had to pick out the auras or actually sillhouettes of strangers behind a thin white sheet. 2 out of 5 ain't bad, given it's all a game of chance & aura reading is bullshit. But, if I were the aura reader, I would claim that the 1920s style barbershop quartet top hats threw off their chakras.* 2 stars

---- TV Carnage:

*Seamless: On Dr. Phil, today a murder confession, tomorrow the tale of a clutterbug.* 3 stars

*The Bottom Line Is Nice Hair! No Matter How You Get It!: "There's a new you waiting" & he has teased bangs but no bald spot.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Your Inner Piece: If you are wise, you won't let a white guy wanna be yoga master (yogi) put you into all kinds of awkward stretching positions that resemble sex positions.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Women Look Amazing When They Fight: Noogies & short shorts. I miss America's Roman gladiatorial days of sexist lady athletics.* 2 1/2 stars

*Sylvia Dogs Do Rule Heaven: Saint Peter has a St. Bernard.* 2 stars

----------------------

Beavis & Butthead: Don't Call Me Dude - Scatterbrain *If you don't know the dude, it's rude.* 2 stars w/ riffing close to 2 stars w/out

Uncharted Zone: Gemma Cretella - Thesis Antithesis Synthesis *Pretentiously wordy hipster techno music white rapper.* 1 1/2 stars

Robocop: Zone Five *This series continues to borrow heavy from Batman & Frank Miller. There's a drug hitting the streets of Old Detroit that's similar to The Joker's laughing gas. The bureaucrats have turned a section of the most crime ridden part of the city over to vigilantes who secretly are the criminals supplying the drug. There's a psychiatrist agreeing w/ the criminals & he's a lot like Dr. Crane in Batman Begins. Robocop's son almost gets corrupted by the vigilantes, similar to a lot of Robin stories.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax versus 70's Commercials from CBS's presentation of the Star Wars Holiday Special *"Always look for the union label" & the "extreme melodrama."* 3 stars w/ riffing 2 1/2 stars w/out

Occult Demon Cassette presents "Never Be A Victim" (1990s Stranger Danger) *Be alert, aware, & filled w/ awful anxiety. Has friendly Irish-Canadian police officer Jim scared the shit out of you, w/ his helpful hints about the horrific, yet or not?*  either 1 or 2 stars

"Madman" (1982) w/ commentary from cast & crew *Trends don't always have to be a bad thing. Following in the footsteps of Friday the 13th & Halloween, some young, determined filmmakers scrounge together enough resources to take a camp legend & turn it into another great entry into the early days of the 80s slasher genre.* 3 plus stars w/ commentary 3 stars w/out

American Gothic: Inhumanitas *To living we owe respect. To the dead we owe the truth. To the devil, Lucas Buck, a crooked lawyer owes money & also a corrupted preacher owes his soul.* close to 3 stars or 1 1/2 stars for the horrible CGI / unintentionally funny scene of a poor, old, black man's head on the body of the angel sister pretending to be a waitress.

"Warlock Moon" w/ audio commentary from Joe Bob Briggs *According to Joe Bob, San Francisco & Austin indie filmmakers may have traded ideas about turning the classic children's fable "Hansel & Gretel" into a horror flick. He suspects much marijuana was smoked in the process (ha). San Francisco produced this one, Warlock Moon, which Joe Bob says should have went by its other, much better title "Blood Spa." The Austin connection makes it very similar to & almost a sister film of "Saw" (Texas Chain, that is).*

3 stars w/ commentary & 2 stars w/out

The Higgins Boys & Gruber: Skinny Wizard *Tired of spending your weekend either jamming out to metal in your kitchen/den/living room combo or going to the mall w/ your devil worshiping friend Thad? Straighten up, thanks to The Parents Coalition for Good Tunes.* 2 1/2 stars

Jerry Springer: "I'm In Love With A Gay Vampire" *You'd think that it'd be a drain, but they're great emotional & spiritual support in a relationship or affair.* 1 star

Duran Duran: Rio (Literal Video Version) *"Sweet air saxophone dude, dude, dude, dude..."*

running from 2 to close to 2 1/2 starsw/ literal & close to 2 1/2 stars for actual

"Dirty Shary" ---xxx--- (1985) *She's got a 44. No, not a handgun. A 44 double d breast size & she's using it to somehow help take down a white slavery sex ring.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Cheaters: Anesthesiologist Finds Cougar Wife Cheating *Menopause shouldn't mean a skanky girls nite out addict should pause gettin' some from douchebag hunks just 'cause her hubbie specializes in dulling sensitivity.* zero stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Mitchell *"Leaves behind the "great" smell of brute." Joel also leaves behind a great legacy, fleeing in an escape pod after this awful movie. This movie is more anti-drug idiotic than Reefer Madness. Joe Don runs around being a supposed to be loveable drunk, but isn't, always chugging a six pack & shooting first or causing someone else's violent demise, even at one point an innocent helicopter cop partner. However, he's on his moral high horse in forced comedic interactions w/ his high class escort girlfriend who he's always shoving around & hauling off to jail for a small amount of marijuana. Hypocritical. That's on top of the rest shit movie smeared in 70s era country western trucker lowlife swagger Americana b.s. (not just in the also awful soundtrack & not in any cool way).*

more than 2 stars w/ Joel's last MST3K riff & 1 star w/out

5 Dollar Wresling: Storm Maverick, Your Next 5 Dollar Wrestling Superstar *He body slams his pillow, even though it's also his amigo, on his grandma's living room floor.* close to 3 stars

--- TBS Commercials May 12, 1988 (Part 3 on Youtube) ran during the Superstation Movie Presentation of "The Savage Bees":

*The announcer lady talks about how Thursday at 8:00pm prime time, TBS will be showing The Dirty Dozen w/ Lee Marvin & Ernest Borgnine. That shows the huge difference in old school TBS & modern "Very Funny" TBS. The Dirty Dozen is very manly whereas TBS's modern primetime lineup of "Big Bang Theory" is very unmanly.

*Preview for Frank Sinatra as a guest on Larry King Live on sister network CNN.

*80s mallrat tween girls dance about because Lee 'Press On Nails' have just been made for smaller hands.

*Partly animated Murine earwax removal system commercial. My grandparents were of the Depression/WW2 generation. By the late 80s, they were already retired & living comfortably. Products & ads like this remind me so much of their medicine cabinet. TBS reminds me of them, as well. Old war movies, westerns, & Americana sitcoms / dramas.

*A New York Giants linebacker, in full gear, in his locker room spraying athletes foot cure spray on his toes. The brand is NP-27, & the can couldn't have a more generic yellow & red color scheme design or bland logo. Probably why the product didn't last...

*Sleepinal to help 80s adults fall asleep fast. The milquetoast ad man for Sleepinal puts me to sleep just looking at & hearing speak.

*Quirky promo for prehistoric time travel feature "The Land that Time Forgot" on Grandpa Munster's Super Scary Saturday on the Superstation.

*Remember those old Time Life music compilation commercials? The ones where some forgotten entertainer would stand alone in a studio & sing a few lines from each of their hit songs? Well, here's one for "Get the Very Best of Ray Stevens" & Ray is at his best (worst?) as he sings his tunes while dressed up in costumes fitting each silly song. Whitetrash variety

*"Munster, Go Home" promo coming on Saturday afternoon on the Superstation.

Ah, I so miss old school TBS Superstation

A very biased for nostalgia reasons 3 stars

------------------------------------------------------

Extended Play on Tech TV 10/12/2001? *Extended Play was such a better name than X Play. X for xtreme, I guess, sounds like something a group of smarmy ad people sat around & did focus groups to come up with a "cool" title. Adam Sessler a thick head of spiky Billy Idol hair too. There's also no nerd sex object Morgan Webb to lust over. Talk with a visionary computer gaming studio ,Xulu, who wanted to have a realistic space travel simulator. Sad news that the already dead, at the time, Sega Dreamcast wouldn't be getting Shenmue 2, & instead X Box would. Preview for the classic, cute, & addictive "Super Monkey Ball."* 2 stars

Cracked.com : Why 28 Days Later is Secretly About Sex *Everything in this running zombies(? infected?) flick is a metaphor over frustration about humans' urges surrounding fucking.* either 1 star or 3

Brass Eye: Science *Some people say that heavy electricity isn't real. Those people aren't idiots or celebrities looking to be cool standing up for a cause they pretend to understand.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Forbidden Transmission 2: Cultural Fallout *Let's all smoke pot, dat damn fried chicken, do fag stuff. Shucky ducky, quack quack. Grab a slut & pee in her butt* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Baby Grobags *Planned Parenthood presents Baby Grobags from the makers of Hot Pockets. These bundles of joy are smarter than a 5th grader & an adult.* 2 1/2 stars

--- Cinema Insomnia w/ Mr. Lobo: Bigfoot, Mysterious Monster

*Retro 1970s ad for Mattel's Creepy Crawlers 'Thingmaker 2' from an era when little girls wore granny sized eye glasses. Awesome.

*Some 1960s era Go-Go dancing w/ upskirt shots of nice legs in pantyhose & white jungle babes.

*Mr. Lobo wants the viewer to suspend disbelief for the "Godfather of Grunge" Bigfoot

*1950s sci fi film star Peter Graves comes on camera, very grim, to tell the viewers of the film about its earnestness in documenting the truth about Bigfoot (snicker) & to warn them of the horror (let the exploitation begin).

*Vintage trailer for King Kong vs. Godzilla. In it, an American scientist talks about how King Kong's brain is bigger. Go America, boo Japan! Our monster is smarter. But did we not kidnap Kong from Skull Island in the Pacific? Shhh! He's a Yankee, now!

*Lobo & Graves both talk about the Loch Ness monster. Of course, Lobo does it more tongue in cheek. Loch Ness vs. Bigfoot... about as close as we could actually come to King Kong vs. Godzilla. That is if all the crazies are right & reality isn't.

*Parody of those old soft rock romance cd ads that would play on t.v. This one is for cult sci fi character Krankor. For only 9 payments of $9.99 own Candles, Krankor, & You. It will make you want to hug your significant other on a sunset beach while the waves gently break on your feet. Ah... romantic.

*Nice bumpers for Cinema Insomnia using old cartoons. One has a giant, angry motor oil can chasing a cute something or other...

*Lobo is keeping up w/ the latest crypto weirdo through UFO magazines & such.

*Graves tries to pass off modern lizards' ties to ancient times, including the funny little running on two legs lizard complete w/ wacky sound effects, to prove the possibility of Sasquatch... He's no Darwin.

*1950s ad for Gravy Train dog food "Makes it's own gravy" & "looks like beef stew" if you believe Johnny, the hound's owner. Go ahead, Johnny, take a bite. You know you wanna.

*"This could be your terror!" "This could be your city!" so it says in a vintage trailerf or Rodan. The early days of the atomic age had people actually wondering if that were true or not. Or at least shelling out a nickel or dime to see monster carnage.

*American history lesson on Sasquatch. He ("they") migrated from Asia. Oh, no, don't tell Donald Trump. Also, a Brit team, in the 1800s, possibly captured a young one & named it "Jacko." Hmm... a young, repressed weird boylike creature named "Jacko"... Why am I reminded of a chimp named "Bubbles" & a pursuit of The Elephant Man's bones...

*Lobo is having stomach problems out in a park restroom on his hunt for Bigfoot. He'll find another big, hairy manlike creature instead. The North American Gay Bear fetishist.

*Gigantis, the Fire Monster trailer. Bigfoot as an excuse for all the kaiju krazy

*Graves tries to argue the importance of oral statements on Bigfoot to a scientist. The scientist doesn't buy it. He wants hard scientific evidence. Graves brings up the fact that the courts relied on such testimony. Thank science for physical scientific evidence coming into play more now in the courts. It's not 100 percent perfect, yet, but it's far better than a jury believing the same person, in a real trial of importance, who had earlier given a sworn report on their encounter w/ a mythical creature.

*An adult Bigfoot believer recounts his time out camping w/ his Boy Scout troop when Bigfoot was caught sniffing their underwear late one night. This caused the boys to squeal like a Girl Scout. This only proves that Bigfoot belongs not in the list of known species but instead on that of sex offenders.

*Chilly Dilly "The Personality Pickle" a cartoon pickle spokesperson who looks like Jimminy Cricket. A portable pickle snack. Snacks have come a long long way. Picklemania ran wild.

*Lobo visits w/ the director of "Bloodthirst, the Legend of the Chupacabra." American woodsmen are afraid of Bigfoot & Mexican desertmen(?) fear "Goat Sucker."

*Trailer for the above mentioned flick. Looks very low budget & shot on video. Also like a vampire flick instead of a monster flick. The director explained that he believed the Chupacabra was actually another Mexican/South American legend called the Mocha or something Vampire. He admits fans & critics hated his Chupacabra re-imagining & I can easily see why. It sucks.

*Chocolate Toddy dairy bar snack in a can. It's 1950s white people approved. Mooooooo! The poor dairy bar worker guy. What a lame uniform.

*Suburban Sportsman is odd & I don't know what to make of it. A sort of travelogue of Area 51 conspiracy theorist visiting the base, looking at dead sheep corpses, & then going out on the salt desert to use their high powered pistols to shoot lizards for lunch.

*Again, Cinema Insomnia makes good use of stock footage for their bumpers. Comforting midnight jazz & a moon filmed for some long ago tropical flick now shown in timelapse sliding across the night's horizon. Doing late night tv, right.

*Escape from the Planet of the Apes trailer. When the apes arrived here via space ship to the astonishment of the U.S. army. The Ancient Aliens tv show guy w/ the crazy hair... He looks like a Tim Burton concept sketch for his Apes failure of a movie.

*Graves visits a psychic detective w/ a Bigfoot plaster cast hidden in a suitcase. The quack guesses correctly. If it weren't obvious that Graves was fucking w/ the viewer, before, it should be now.

*Lobo tries to hypnotize a waitress into revealing whether or not she served Bigfoot a cup of Joe as one of her countless customers over the years.

*Trailer for the awesome looking stop motion 50s giant monster flick "The Black Scorpion."

*Lame & long winded joke interview w/ a 5th grade teacher about Bigfoot being his former student. Only gets funny w/ a short part about Bigfoot hitting puberty & being smelly.

*1940s looking safety film clip about numbskulls taking risks & turning into grotesque looking figures wearing scary as shit masks from that time period. I think the masks were supposed to make them look like comical fools, but to the modern eye it's ole timey uncanny valley horrifying.

*Lobo sits on a nice pier interviewing Bigfoot's awkward prom date who seems to never have gotten over that night. She claims Bigfoot had a tiny penis.

*Lobo talks w/ Bigfoot's former roommate in college. The hipster playing the part makes sure the shot is framed w/ a Buffy cast photo magazine, a Doctor Who laser disc or vinyl album, & his Superfriends cartoon t-shirt.

*A bunch of hippy investigators went out in the woods w/ tranquilizer guns & cameras to find evidence to force the scientific community to "take a more active role in the hunt for Bigfoot" according to Graves. Also according to Graves, they only came back w/ a handful of fecal matter & hair. Sounds about right. Hippies + or - Bigfoot = Hair + Shit.

either fair or folly for Peter Graves pseudo documentary, 3 stars for Cinema Insomnia's ads & bumpers, more than 2 1/2 stars Lobo, close to fair for the guests

-------------------------------------------------------

Chiller Theater Presents: Doctor Moreau's Happy Pills (youtube) *If only they'd invent a solution to everyday ills.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Marc Maron Predicts the Future" (youtube) *Doomed, bored, & further restricted. Marc nailed it.* close to 3 stars

Rich Hall: Supermarket Sniglets --1983-- (youtube) *Made up words that should be in the dictionary. An early urban dictionary, but more cleverly absurd & stomachable & not awful slang related.* close to 3 stars

Bill Maher's "Religulous" *Take it on faith & do it because you've always done it, dammit.*

more than 2 1/2 stars

[jamieclawhorn]

2 ‘secret’ small-cap stocks offering value and growth

Shares in MJ Gleeson (LSE: GLE) were up 5% in early trading this morning as the community regeneration housebuilder and strategic land specialist delivered yet another strong performance in its latest financial year.

66% dividend hike

The Sheffield-based group delivered a 17% improvement in pre-tax profits for the financial year ending 30 June, to £33m, with revenues 13% higher at £160m. The strong financial performance gave management the confidence to raise the full-year dividend to 24p – a massive 66% increase on the previous year.

Gleeson’s twin-track strategy of developing low-cost homes for open market sale in the North of England, along with strategic land sales in the South, delivered another excellent year of increased volumes, margins, profit, and cash.

Demand exceeds supply

The Gleeson Homes division achieved its milestone target of 1,000 unit sales, and has set a new target of 2,000 unit sales per annum within the next five years. Affordability remains very attractive and demand exceeds supply, with buyers queuing on site-opening days.

Not to be outdone, the group’s Gleeson Strategic Land division also had a record year, as it continues to benefit from strong demand for consented land in prime locations from both medium-sized and large housebuilders. The division has a strong pipeline of sites, predominantly in the South of England, which have the opportunity of developing 21,505 plots, and anticipates continuing to enjoy a high level of success in promoting commercially attractive sites through the planning system.

Oozing confidence

The company still has plenty of land on which to build, and demand and affordability of Gleeson Homes continues to be strong. The Gleeson Strategic Land portfolio also remains in good shape, with strong demand from other housebuilders.

The very substantial uplift in the dividend seems to suggest that management is just oozing confidence at the moment, and I believe Gleeson’s shares look great value currently trading on a very modest price-to-earnings ratio of 12.

Stake your claim

Another regeneration specialist that I believe offers investors excellent value at the moment is Inland Homes (LSE: INL). The Buckinghamshire-based group is due to announce its full-year results later this week, but I reckon right now could be a great time for investors to stake a claim ahead of Thursday’s announcement.

The AIM-listed business is a leading brownfield regeneration specialist and housebuilder with a particular focus on the South and South East of England. It’s been an extremely active and successful year for the group, with the business growing both financially and operationally.

In-house construction team

A new in-house construction team has enabled Inland to increase its housebuilding and contracting operations significantly, providing more certainty over the timing of cash flows and profit recognition, as well as better control over construction costs. This investment is now beginning to bear fruit, with the number of open market unit completions increasing by 28% during the last financial year.

With a healthy land bank of 6,776 plots and a short-term development pipeline with a gross development value of £1.34bn, the group seems well placed to continue the growth in housebuilding and land sales delivered over the last year. Trading on a forward price-to-earnings multiple of just 7.7, I reckon Inland Homes could be one of today’s best small-cap secrets.

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Bilaal Mohamed has no position in any shares mentioned. The Motley Fool UK has recommended Inland Homes. Views expressed on the companies mentioned in this article are those of the writer and therefore may differ from the official recommendations we make in our subscription services such as Share Advisor, Hidden Winners and Pro. Here at The Motley Fool we believe that considering a diverse range of insights makes us better investors.

[miltlarsen]

Blog #120 - 8/2/17

The sad news this week was the passing of one of the world most talented ladies. June Foray was a voice artist – one of the greatest! She was the voice Rocky, Bullwinkle, Natasha, Witch Hazel and hundreds of other beloved cartoon characters. She was a longtime member of the Magic Castle and created a certain kind of magic in giving life to so many of our favorite images. When I was a teenager, a good friend of ours was Frank Herman. Frank went on the TV fame as “Skipper Frank” on KTLA TV. At that time he was in the Army having lived through World War Two. He asked me to listen to a five a week radio show on the Mutual radio KHJ. He asked he to send him some of their jokes. That show was “Smile Time” starring a very young Steve Allen, announcer Wendell Nobel and June Foray. I somehow felt we had known each other for all that time. Actually I got to know her when she was a frequent guest on Bob Barker's "Truth or Consequences" Show. Our paths crossed many times and in many ways. In 1969 Bobby Lauher, Jim Williams and I were writing Vin Skully’s Game show “It Takes Two.” We were asked to come up with a late night comedy way of presenting really “B” movies on KTLA TV. We came up with “The We’ll Get You to Bed by Midnight Movie.” The whole gag was the commentary during the break by an unseen couple. The camera’s point of view was simply two slippered feet at the end of bed watching a TV set. We had a very creative director and the full use of the studio’s prop department. What made the show really funny were the voices of the couples. The unseen couple was played by June Foray and another major cartoon voice actor Daws Butler (Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound, Quick-Draw McGraw, etc.) June Foray lived a magical 99 years. Aloha, June. -- 

--

My blog readers know I write my stories on my weekly round trip Burbank to Santa Barbara. I love the train. The AMTRAK Pacific Surf liners usually takes two hours and 15 minutes. On a good day I can drive from the Castle to our home in about 90 minutes. Unfortunately there arent many good days anymore. On a Friday afternoon to drive can be three to four hours. So sitting in my very comfortable air conditioned business class seat looking out my window at the beautiful scenery and the parking lot they call “the freeway.” It’s a great way to go. On business class they give you nice snacks and a beverage including wine. (Guess which I prefer) There is also a free copy of USA TODAY. At home I get the L.A.Times, the SB New Press and the Montecito Journal. (Nice article this week in the MJ on my donating my record collections to UCSB) That all brings me to a headline story in USA TODAY: BOARD GAMES ARE BACK N FASHION! Flash back to the year 2006. 

I got an idea for a new Magic Castle board game. Steve Mitchell, Carol Marie and I started working on a very playable game. After all I had spent almost two decades writing game shows. The magic key to a good game is all about all competition between two or four players. It is based on greed and jeopardy. The big winner can be the big loser in a flash. Our game had all the elements. We spent hours playing the game and getting responses from our friends. Steve designed a clever fold-up board and we ordered a few thousand games anticipating the big box store orders that would shortly be happening. Unfortunately that was the year that those stores stopped buying board games. We ended up with a warehouse full of games. Life is just one big game. You win a few and lose a few. Now apparently the younger set has discovered the fun and excitement of human contact and board games are back in style. So we’re back to pitching our game again. Get one at the lobby gift shop and play it. Rumor has it that we are also pitching a new TV show “The Magic Castle Million Dollar Celebrity Card Challenge.” All we need now are some celebrities and a million dollar jackpot. Stay tuned.

[starryfictionalgirl]

Jackpot Part 2 (Peter Parker x Michelle Jones)(Peter Parker x OC)

Masterlist Part 1

Relationships: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones, Peter Parker x fem!hero!OC

Warnings: None. 

Summary: Michelle gets to know the AU version of herself and Peter. 

"Michelle maybe you should come inside and sit down." Melody says and takes Michelle's arm and leads her inside to sit down on the couch. "Peter get her a glass of water. She looks like she might pass out or something." Peter rushes to the kitchen to get some water. "Michelle what happened are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I think..." The poor girl stammers and Melody reaches forward and holds Michelle's hands. Michelle felt herself start to calm down a bit.

"Your hands are shaking a lot." Melody notices. "You might be in some sort of state of shock."

"Was she by where that robot was attacking?" Peter asks as he brings over the glass of water. Melody's eyes widened.

"Yes! She was! I bet you might be having a delayed reaction of trauma or something from being so close to that incident!" Melody exclaimed.

"Yeah. I guess that's it." Michelle says, deciding to go along with that for the time being to limit the amount of questions they would ask. "But wait, if you were by there too how come you aren't shaking or anxious? Have you been around a lot of those dangerous incidents a lot?"

Melody seems to tense up a bit and she looks at Peter and he shares the same expression. Being the observant person Michelle was, she could tell that these two were hiding something from her.

"Oh well I walk home from school that way so I pass by those things a lot and you get used to it pretty quickly. Where does your boyfriend live I can go get him if you want to help you calm-" Melody quickly offers to change the subject but Michelle cuts her off.

"No it's fine. I just remembered he's not here today. His family is away for a week." Michelle lies successfully. Both her alternate self and alternate boyfriend buy it.

"Oh. Well you're more than welcome to hang out with us." Peter offers, handing Michelle the glass. She smiles and finds some small comfort from her fingers gently brushing against Peter's as she takes the cup from him.

"That's really sweet of you, thanks." Michelle says gratefully to the two teens.

"No problem." Melody says cheerily and smiles. "We were just planning on watching some movies tonight so feel free to stay. And I had so much fun talking to you on the walk over here! It's amazing that we have so much in common!"

"Really?" Peter asks.

"Yeah it's crazy! We both like the same book series and have the same political views and-" Melody says excitedly and then suddenly Peter kisses her to quiet her and Michelle feels her heart break a little bit and she looked away.

This was going to be hard to deal with while she was in this Universe. Seeing Peter with another girl. Even if it was technically her...At the same time it wasn't her....

"What was that for Parker?" Melody asks him after the two pull apart.

"You were rambling again remember?" Peter reminds her. "And you specifically told me that if you ever rambled too much that I should silence you with a kiss." She rolls her eyes and pecks her boyfriend's lips again.

"And I also remember you telling me that if you were ever being too much of a dork I should kiss you." Melody reminds him.

"I thought you said you wouldn't do that." Peter says and arches an eyebrow.

"I did. Because if I did kiss you every time you were being a dork I'd be kissing you all day tiger." She says and tilts her head back on the couch so she's looking at him upside down.

He chuckles and comes over and gives her a kiss on the lips from the upside down position, reaching down and grabbing her hands while doing so. Michelle looked confused. Why on Earth would someone want to kiss someone like that? And they seemed pretty skilled at it. Was this a thing that they did often? It seemed like there were some differences between Melody's relationship with Peter and Michelle's own relationship with her Peter. For starters, Michelle, a complete stranger to this couple was present in their house and the two of them were still completely comfortable making out in their strange way in front of her. She wasn't nearly this comfortable with PDA, and Peter was always so shy. But then again, it did seem like this alternate version of herself was a lot more open with her emotions. Peter blushed a bit and decided to finally pull away from his girlfriend's mouth, remembering that Michelle was present. Melody giggled and sat back up.

"How about I get you something to drink?" Peter offers, holding one of Melody's hands still.

She turns around and rests her head on her folded arms on the back of the couch. "Sounds great tiger." She says then gets up and goes and sits on a stool by the counter while Peter rests his hands on the table, keeping his arms straight, seemingly flexing for her.

"Well then princess..." Peter says in a smooth tone that surprised Michelle. Her Peter could never pull that off. And if he ever called her 'princess' she'd punch him in the balls. "What'll it be?"

"I don't know." Melody says and her eyebrows furrow in concentration. "It's just so hard to think with a cute bar tender in front of me..." She jokes and runs a finger along Peter's bicep, making the boy jump a bit. Clearly he was ticklish.

"Well that makes my job easy then. I don't think I could focus on making a drink with a such a cute girl sitting in front of me." He says and Melody giggles and so does Peter.

"Are you single Mr. bartender?" Melody asks Peter.

"Unfortunately for you, no." Peter says and sighs. "I shouldn't have been flirting with you, I apologize. It's just that you look so much like my girlfriend for a moment I could have sworn you were her." He swipes a finger under her chin briefly. "What about you? I'm assuming you're single, why else would a lovely young lady be all alone at a bar?"

"No I'm taken." She says and plays with a necklace with a gold chain.

Michelle looked closer and noticed it was a heart shaped gold locket. She could assume by the fact that she touched it when she referenced that she was taken that Peter must have gotten her that. How the hell did the Peter in this universe afford that! Hers could only just make enough allowance to take her out to dinner or a movie. Both sometimes if they were lucky and she always pitched in! Were they rich in this universe?

"My heart belongs to a handsome dork that I go to school and work with..." Melody says.

"Work?" Peter asks. "May I ask where?"

"I work with Tony Stark. It's an...'internship' that me and my boyfriend have together." She says and smiles and so does Peter. So that's how they met...

"Wow. Tony Stark. You must both be geniuses." Peter says and rests his elbow on the table and rests his chin in his hand.

"No...my boyfriend is the smart one. I'm practically a monkey toy with cymbals compared to him." She says and sighs.

"I wouldn't say that." Peter says and reaches out and holds her hand. "You may not be smart tech and science wise but I'm sure there's other things you're very good at."

"Not in the ways that could really help me in school..." She explains and sighs.

"MJ." Peter says and gets serious, taking her hand and looking deep into her crystal blue eyes. Michelle could tell that Peter had now broken character. "Don't ever say that about yourself. You're so valuable and precious to me in more ways than you could ever know." Melody smiles and Peter leans in to kiss her. The two share another rather long kiss. "Okay now seriously what do you want to drink, you must be parched after work today." Peter says.

"Okay, if you must insist I'll have a coke." Melody says simply.

"One coke for m'lady coming up." Peter says and pecks her cheek then goes and gets it out of the fridge.

Pretty soon after that they were all sitting on the couch, Peter and Melody snuggled into each other on one end. Peter had his arm wrapped around her shoulder and her head was snuggled comfortably into his chest. Michelle felt her stomach flip a bit. That was her cuddle position with Peter. She could imagine Melody breathing in his sweet cinnamon and vanilla scent, if this Peter had the same scent as hers. She hoped he did. It would give her some small comfort from home. The popcorn bowl was separating the cuddling couple from Michelle. And although Michelle tried to just pay attention to the movie and not think about the couple next to her, she couldn't help but look over every now and then and find Peter kissing the top of Melody's head sweetly or combing his fingers through her wavy ginger locks. And every now and then she would card her hand through Peter's curly brown hair.

"Stop it you'll mess it up." Peter laughs and tries to move his head away from her.

"Come on Pete, you know I like to play with your curls." She reminds him and then kisses him again as her hand plays with his hair.

"So you two both have the Stark internship?" Michelle asks.

"Yeah." Melody says. "They had a little orientation thing for us interns over the Summer and Pete and I met and hit it off."

"Yep. I'm lucky that her laptop broke and she chose me to help her fix it." Peter says and Melody giggles.

"Out of all the dorky tech guys at that camp, I picked Peter because I recognized him from school." Melody explains.

"We spent the whole night in my dorm." Peter says and smiles at her.

"Talking all night." She looks back at him and smiles.

"And then next thing I know, we're dating!" Peter exclaims happily and buries his face in Melody's neck.

Michelle couldn't help but smile. She had to admit, their story was pretty cute. And they were an equally cute couple. They seemed really close to each other. A lot closer than she was with her Peter. That night after the movie ended Michelle asked if she could go home with Melody because her parents texted her that they just left town for an emergency and she didn't have her keys with her. Melody of course immediately agreed and Peter even offered to have her stay over too the next night. Peter and Melody kissed goodnight and promised they'd see each other tomorrow in school and reluctantly separated.

"Here you can borrow my sleeping bag." Melody says and grabs it out of her closet and passes it to Michelle.

"Thanks." Michelle says and makes herself comfortable. She looked around and thought about how weird it was to be a guest in her own house.

"I also have an air mattress if you want it." Melody offers but Michelle shakes her head.

"Don't worry about it. I've slept in more uncomfortable situations before." Michelle assures her alternate self.

"Okay. Well as long as you're comfy." Melody says and turns out the light.

"Goodnight Michelle." She tells her and yawns.

"Goodnight Melody." Michelle says.

"You don't have to call me Melody." Melody tells Michelle. "All my friends call me MJ. And you're my friend now, so just call me MJ."

"Okay." Michelle says and smiles a bit. "Goodnight MJ." She says and lets out a small laugh from how weird that sounded saying it to someone else. And having that someone else be an alternate version of herself in another universe.

A/N: Again feedback is much appreciated! If you guys like this idea and story let me know so I can keep writing it!

Tags: @vampirefreakism @kawaiipanda2005 @marijeeex