#found it in the clearance section at target :3
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candy cauldron hehe
#pretty pink cauldron!!!#found it in the clearance section at target :3#so ofc i had to get some sweets to put in it#everyone who sees can hand some heh 🍭
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Today was a pretty good day off. I did a lot and that was nice. I then had an intense allergy attack and now I feel pretty exhausted. But it was still a good day.
I woke up this morning to say goodbye to James. And then slept until 9. When I got up I had texts and emails that stressed me out. First it was Mike asking me if I could come give a tour this afternoon. I immediately said I could not. This is now the third time I have said no to working today. Which is frustrating. And then I felt guilty for saying no. Then I had emails for a commission I'm doing for the wedding tomorrow that was confusing. Thankfully that was handled pretty fast. And then it was just someone not answering my questions at awah that had me stressed out. But I just had to leave it. There was nothing else I could do.
I stayed in bed for a while. But once I got up I would feel fine. My hair is bothering me right now. Like it looks fine but also it's not curling or really doing much of anything. I want to grow it out for the summer so I'm trying not to be annoyed with it but it is hard to not just go and chop it.
I would do a little vacuuming. But soon I decided I would go out.
I drove to Canton to go get a bagel. I struggled with ordering because I couldn't figure out how to tell them I wanted my bagel toasted. But I asked someone and they said it's standard now. Neat. So I got a bagel and a soda. And I got James two bagels for them to have for breakfasts this week. They had old bay everything bagels which smelled nice. The bagel place was surprisingly busy for 1030 on a weekday. But it didn't take long, though other people were acting like waiting was the worst thing to ever happen to them.
I had my bagel outside and enjoyed watching the water for a little while. And then I headed to target.
I had a few things we needed. And a few things we didn't. But I mostly stuck to the list. I didn't even look at clothes, was proud of myself there. I was annoyed with myself for forgetting my soda stream canister but it's fine. It'll get it replaced soon.
I went to the car to drop everything off. And then walked to five below to walk around. I did get a Tshirt there, I saw someone wearing it on TikTok and thought it was cute. It is just a grey Hanes Tshirt that says "wellness club" in rainbow letters. No idea why I like it but I think it'll be good for camp.
I went to Michaels next. I needed a few things for my anniversary project I'm working on for James. And I had fun looking at the clearance section. I chatted with a woman about the clearance totebags I found. A really good price. And then I headed home.
I had purchased dunkaroos at target. And ate those while I drove home. When I got back here I brought my stuff inside and then got start working on my gift.
I spent about 3 hours organizing and planning and then executing my ideas. And I'm thrilled with how it came out. I don't want to share much just in case but it was a big labor of love. Also used almost all of our picture paper. But I'm super proud and I'm excited for next weekend when I can share it.
It was late in the afternoon at this point. James wasnt home yet. And my allergies were starting to bug me. I had a snack and laid on the couch with Sweetp. Who has choked on a treat I gave them and I was feeling some kind of way about it. My poor baby.
James got home and my allergies were popping off. They would get me some medicine and would just chill on the couch with me. Eventually they would go for a walk and I would take a bath.
James made us a little dinner. And now we are just chilling in bed. I am tired but I feel happy. It was nice to just be by myself today.
Especially because tomorrow is going to be really busy. I am running the market tomorrow. And then I have the print commission for the wedding. And then I'm working the wedding! So I am assuming I won't have time to sleep in the afternoon. But we will see what happens. Maybe I'll still make it happen. I hope it's a fun day.
Goodnight everyone. Take care of yourself! Sleep good!
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doll hunting at -40 f •̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙♡̩̩͙❆ ͙͛
despite the cold cold cold weather , good doll hunting day today ! they finally had glitch at my target , so i picked her up ! and you know i always check the clearance section , where i found roxie , jewel , and mila all for half off ! i picked up roxie for myself and jewel for a friend , which means it was a pretty successful day to me :3 some review kinda stuff under the cut
i never would have gotten roxie if she wasn't on sale at all , but she is so so so pretty ! i'm especially glad to have her stand , it'll be so nice to have a cute display stand that can turn
glitch is super pretty as well ! i took off her overcoat so she just has her under outfit on , which i think i like better than her regular outfit . i'd like to steam her coat , which i think will make it look better , so i'll try to display her like that ! as an overall rule , however , i'm not a super huge fan of the way they did shadow high 2 . i would have rather had the extra outfit and more varied accessories , because the fact that i have like 3 sets of teeny makeup brushes is a little ridiculous :/ they're super pretty , but just not what they could have been , imo !
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Fiend Diaries.
Entry no.1
Wed, July 17, 2023
Ok so this shit is new. I'm gonna be doing these small little entries because im a but bored. I may or may not do them often as I lack motivation but hey, its fun and you guys can read these to be little chismosas before bed.
Alright, so today at 8:30, I left my Airbnb to do a bit of back to school shopping with some of my family. We all had gone in separate cars because we simply didn't want to car pool. Our first stop was Target since it was one of the closest stores to us. Stopping by, I had gotten two notebooks. I plan on putting two subjects in each notebook. One for the sciences and my mathmatics, the other, History and Literary studies. I grabbed a new binder, since mine had broken rings and new led replacements for the mechanical pencil I already have. A bag with hibiscus flowers caught my eye. My favorite flower. The bag was black aswell, and my old one had already began to rip at the seams which I had fixed multiple times. So I indulged and grabbed it.
I decided to match a small outfit with my grandma since she found a matching set and wanted to grab one, I insisted we could match out of pure playfulness...I ended up buying it.
A bit later after we had gotten some other things for my younger sister, when we had walked past by an active wear section. The clothes I had been using for the past 3 years for my gym and home workouts have been spoiled byholes and inremovable stains. All except the jacket and a pair of shorts I rarely used.
I looked around and saw a pair of flared leggings on clearance with a matching top. Both black. My favorite color. My favorite perk was the fact that the leggings were flared. Fitted ankle bottoms of any kind I hate. Unless it looks good on you, I dont like them. They look horrendous on me and it simply does not fit my aesthetic.
After we had left, we saw a shoe store. I had forgotten the name after we had walked in. We looked around, mainly for my sister. She's always playing with kids in her school, so she tends to beat up any pairs of shoes she has. Whether its converse, vans, nikes, or off brand shoes we find at random, she always has them wrecked by the end of 2 months time.
With the focus was not on me or anybody else, I assisted with finding a few pairs for her to consider. There were these New Balance pair I had shown her but sadly there was only one pair. The pair on display. And they were two sizes and a half too short for her feet. By the time I started to look for myself, this girl had three pairs of shoes in her hands! Three!! All expensive too. My poor grandmas wallet was probably crying.
Since my grandma offered to pay for a pair for me, which I insisted her not to do but she ended up doing so. I found a nice pair, airy, light and a bit cute. The pair reminded me of the shoes worn by the first woman killed by the bride in Kill Bill.
A true 2000s movie with a bit of an edge. My top 10. Luckily they were on sale, knocking down a bit of money from the total.
After our stop looking for shoes, we all drove off to somewhere else.
Ross. Thats where I found two pairs of jeans and a new lash curler. My old lash curler had cut off some of my lashes twice already and I was dying to get a new one.
Thankfully I'm coming by money soon so I can aquire some lash serum and new makeup products. I need a new everything. OH and sunscreen. I need sunscreen. I also need other things so im going to look for those as well...
If I have enough money, I might also get myself a roblox gift card because I need robux to fix my lesbian haircut on my avatar.
Anyway, tomorrow we have a six hour drive ahead of us, so pray for me. Or not. I'm gonna suffer either way so we might buy blankets to sleep through the car ride.. if I even can. I have to help with the map.
I want more books.
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Andddddd it was fine 🙃
Completely overreacted for nothing.... It was so nice though. It felt good to do something without my “girlfriend”. It might give me some brownie points in therapy this week for Doing Something With Friends/Being Social.
We talked a lot about work and our personal lives. I thought I ate “normally” but I didn’t finish everything on my plate so I was worried she noticed cause she did ask (and it could have been nonchalant) if I liked my food... I don’t know.. oh well. Enough focus on food.
Afterward I had to go to Target and I also spontaneously stopped at Home Goods and found a new cup for work! It was missing a straw so I got it marked down. I have so many cups now so I’m just going to use an old straw. In Target I found 2 long sleeves for work that were in the men’s clearance section and hair dye that was also on clearance. This was all money that I don’t have and buying stuff that I technically don’t need but I was feeling impulsive.
I only dyed the ponytail part of my hair so it hopefully creates a nice ombre. I also bought some more nail strips at Home Goods... Another thing I definitely didn’t need but I love the Dashing Diva brand and they’re soooo cheap at Home Goods, Marshalls and T.J. Maxx!!
I was supposed to work a double tomorrow but we were overstaffed for the evening so my supervisor said he could take me off and move me to a different night this week! I’m used to either doing mainly doubles or an evening shift. So on the rare occasion I pick up a day shift or change my schedule around like this it’s so nice being able to get out at 3:30. And I’m off Monday so I can’t wait for tomorrow's shift to fly by and get me to my mini weekend!
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A diet composed mostly of plant foods can be considered sacred for weight loss and Healthy Lifestyle. At least according to respected employee George Malcolm and his wife, Landa, they devised a Bible–inspired diet.. Marcos claims to have been saved from a diet of raw fruits, vegetables and carrot juice after being diagnosed with cancer 35 years ago.
A few years ago, Alleluia’s diet consisted of 85% raw plant foods and 15% cooked vegetarian foods. how did you come The authors claim that meat can “clog” our systems, delay clearance, and cause toxicity and disease. At the heart of this program is the belief that eating raw vegetables is the best way to get the nutrients you need, repair damaged cells and stay healthy longer.
Hallelujah Diet basics
The Hallelujah Diet was developed by priest George M. Marcolmos after he was diagnosed with cancer. 29 And he said, “God said, I will give you every vegetable I plant in the ground and every tree that produces fruit, and this is your food.
This section focuses on plants. Food that is not animal feed. The Glory of God system replaces processed and refined animal foods with organic, clean, raw, plant-based foods. Fruits are predominant.
In addition to dietary supplements, the diet includes natural fruit juices, organic plant-based diets, and a variety of health supplements designed to flush out disease-causing toxins. This includes protein bars, exercise programs and webinars.
According to suggestions and recipes. Arthritis, Diabetes, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Alzheimer’s and Heart Disease and Autoimmunity This program boosts your immune system. Helps keep you healthy – just take 6 supplements of daily lenses.
What You Can and Can’t Eat
The raw part of the diet includes fruits, vegetables, grains, beans, nuts, seeds, fats and oils, herbs, milk substitutes and beverages such as fresh vegetable juices, recycled distilled water, steamed vegetables and baked potatoes. Cereals, whole wheat pasta, squash (cooked or steamed) and beans can be used for cooked meals.
As with other plant-based diets, no meat, dairy or eggs are served. If you‘re used to drinking a glass of wine at night, you need to find a new way to relax. Bringing alcohol is prohibited. Most soy products, processed fruits and vegetables, refined grains and some nuts, seeds, oils, spices, soups and sweets are nowhere to be found.
Level of Effort: High
This diet can potentially change your diet. Dieting begins by choosing one of three “paths of entry”: health promotion, Healthy living, Healthy Lifestyle and recovery. These choices will guide your diet.
Limitations
Switching to a Healthy diet that mostly includes raw vegetables can be difficult. Dieting requires a lot of planning and preparation. It’s also a good idea to take food supplements at certain times of the day.
Cooking and shopping
You have to spend a lot of time loading fresh fruits and vegetables into the grocery store. If your local grocery store doesn’t have a lot of dairy, you may need to buy a specialty store. Water requires a lot of preparation, but this quirky design actually has a minimal boiling point.
Packaged foods or meals
shouldn’t However, Hallelujah Acres Market sells vitamins, supplements, snacks and more online.
In-person meetings
None required, although dieters can attend healthy living workshops and seminars.
Exercise
Expect to exercise every day for at least 30 minutes.
Look Here For More Hallelujah Diet Recipes
Does It Allow for Dietary Restrictions or Preferences?
The diet is suitable for both plant- based and vegetarian diets, so it is suitable for vegetarians, vegans and fat, salt or gluten-free diets.
What Else You Should Know
Cost: Fresh fruits, vegetables and fruit juices can be expensive, but Marx says it can help you lose weight. They say you can save money by eliminating meat, dairy, white flour, sugar, salt and junk food. Taking a recommended supplement can cost you $2,000 per year.
Support: None. However , for more information on the Hallelujah Acres diet and Healthy Lifestyle
Healthy Lifestyle–Does it Work
Eating lots of plant foods like fruits, vegetables and beans can improve health and weight and avoid processed animal foods.
Read More about: Healthy Lifestyle-Hallelujah Diet
How it works
The hallelujiah diet consists of 85% aromatic herbs and 15% cooked herbs. A lot of dietary supplements have been developed to compensate for malnutrition and improve health. The diet can be divided into 4 stages:
Step 1. The first step is to eat raw vegetables, fruits, nuts and seeds.
Step 2. The move is to replace meat, dairy, refined carbohydrates, sugar, and salt (all known as toxic foods) with healthier plant-based alternatives.
Step 3.The third part requires nutritional supplements and supplements from the Barlymax program, which is a non-flammable powder to improve digestion.
Step 4. The final step is to take a dietary supplement to prevent deficiency of vitamin B12, vitamin D3, iodine, selenium and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA).
The diet provides a combination of nutritional supplements depending on your condition. You can start with a kit that includes BarleMax and Fiber Cleanser, choose an immune stimulation or detox kit, or purchase a dietary supplement containing probiotics separately. Protein and Targeted Menopause: The app’s website will do an online test and say the company will assess your health and tell you which dietary supplement is right for you and your Healthy Lifestyle.
>>Visit Healthy Lifestyle-Hallelujah Diet Official Website<<
Is It Good for Certain Conditions?
Health experts recommend eating more plant-based foods to prevent and treat a variety of health problems. This raw vegetarian food is low in saturated fat, added sugar and sodium. It may be helpful for people with high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, and high cholesterol.
The Final Word
Positive? This app is full of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and beans that can improve your health and weight. The downside is that raw foods can lower vitamin B12, vitamin D, and calcium levels. You may need to take supplements and fortified foods to make up for lost nutrients.
Vegetarians can find it difficult to follow this program as there is plenty of space for candy and alcohol. The focus is on raw food. Make sure you are getting enough iron, zinc, vitamin D, vitamin B12, omega-3 fatty acids, and calcium. Check your weight regularly to make sure you are not sick.
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Military Transition Information
Sections:
- Actual GOMOR
- REFRAD
- SFL-TAP
- Resources
- General Separation Tips
- Job Hunting and Resume
- LinkedIn
- Other Job Hunting Sites (ZipRecruiter/Clearance Jobs/etc)
- Certifications
ACTUAL GOMOR Nothing to say about this really. It is what it is. You can’t fight it. My parents hired some hot shot civilian lawyer who was horribly expensive but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Ultimately it all comes down to the fact that it isn’t LAW. It is UCMJ and there’s nothing to fight. Your command team has that power. They just do. It is pure bullshit. It drives me crazy. You could try writing your congress person or the army times to put the spotlight on unfair, maddening, preposterous nonsense judgmental decisions but…otherwise you’re boned. My recommendation is to keep your head down and try not to freak out. When my battalion commander told me it would be permanently filed I had a total rage glitch and yelled at him. Did not improve my position, ha. See if you can get moved to another battalion or brigade. That’s a big ask because you’re now branded. But if anyone is still in your corner (a Battalion XO or S3 or even a S1 who is respected and will advocate for you. Maybe the Brigade FSO if you have a good reputation) it can give you breathing room to no longer be in that environment. I had pull with division and was able to get onto staff up there after my flag was lifted. They knew I was only there to transition and were really cool about it- your mileage may vary. REFRAD
The first step is to get a copy of the REFRAD packet. It is mainly memos. Your S1 should have a copy. Then clarify what gates it has to hit (Battalion to Brigade to Division to Installation to HRC I’m pretty sure) and who the people are. You can do this while you’re flagged (if you’re flagged which I assume you are). You can’t submit until you’re unflagged but you can do drafts and send them to the S1 to get corrections. I’d let your command know of your intent to separate if you have any kind of ability to talk to them and let them know you’d appreciate if they could sign this stuff right away. I made it overwhelmingly clear that I disagreed with their handling of the situation and would like to just get out of there as fast as possible. They obliged by signing everything without the “required” counseling sessions.
I submitted mine on like July 6th or 7th and received my approval from HRC O/A 20 August but had to hand walk it. Basically had to call the S1 shop at Battalion every day until they routed to Brigade. Then the same thing with Brigade. Then with Installation. Etc. It is just best to be a pain in the ass about it because otherwise it can get stuck at a gate and require corrections and you’ll just never know about it because S1 sucks, ha. After you get your approval from HRC you still have to wait to get clearing papers and orders. That can take a while. I’m pretty sure I had my orders 9-10 days after getting approval and was given clearing papers six working days before my final out (which was around 16 October). SFL-TAP SFL-TAP was stupid but you may see benefits. There were a couple of contractors hunting for separating Soldiers so you maybe you’ll meet someone like that. Otherwise SFL-TAP went over pretty basic stuff like “consider benefits in addition to salary when job hunting” or “here’s what to wear.” It was FINE. But I wouldn’t say that officers are really the target audience. They will expose you to a few transition assistance programs which could be helpful though. Like I think there is a Microsoft administrator course that is 3-4 months you can do that SFL-TAP can give you info about. Other things like credentialing programs, certification courses, job fairs, etc. I did not use any of these services but I have heard they can be helpful. RESOURCES YOU WILL HEAR ABOUT, YMMV ACP Partnerships. American Corporate Partners. Basically you can apply on their website and they can hook you up with a mentor in your preferred field. I did this and it was fine. I received a mentor but she wasn’t super helpful. I think your experience really depends on your mentor. I’ve heard from others that their mentors are awesome. The nice thing about this is that they assign you a mentorship manager and that person will be very aggressive about providing you with resources (interview prep, resume reviewer, etc)
Corporate Fellowship Program. You can visit hiringourheroes.org. They can basically set you up with a corporate internship. Usually reserved for service members who are going to stay geographically close to their installation. Once again, I did not use this service but I have heard GREAT things and have a close friend who participated and she raves about it. Cameron Brooks/other junior officer recruitment companies. I did Cameron Brooks for a few months. I did not tell them about the GOMOR, ha. Didn’t mention the flag at all. They won’t call your command or anything so I just viewed it as keeping non-essential information to myself. It was also fine. It is free. They will give you books to read and counsel you and do interview prep and everything. It is a nice service. They told me they only “accept the best” as clients. Probably not true so don’t let them convince you they are some secret sauce. They just have a very codified approach. I have heard from others that they can land you in a good job but most are in less desirable locations (like the mid-west. Or Kansas). If you are afraid of transitioning this is kind of nice. Like having a bossy older brother who “knows a guy.” Other Useful “Leaving the Army” Tips Make sure you have a log in to mypay set up. Once you final out your CAC won’t work anywhere. Forward yourself anything in your military email that you may need or want. Download your medical records. Set up a DS login. Stuff like that. I lost a lot because I never did it. Oh well. But learn from my experience, ha. Print off your clothing record and do CIF prep now. At my last installation they wouldn’t make me a CIF appointment until the last six workdays I was in the Army and I had to go back three or four times and it was stressful. Do your homework and equipment cleaning now. All in all it wasn’t too bad. Military surplus stores will work with you. The one near me let me take what I needed from them for free (like a sleeping mat, grenade pouch and ACU print assault pack) with the agreement that once I was cleared I would give them all remaining equipment I had. They made out big in that deal because after a decade I had a ton of shit. Do all the basics. Clean your stuff, get rid of tape residue, etc. Job Hunting and Resumes Oh job hunting. You son of a bitch. First things first, get LinkedIn. Get Premium. I’m pretty sure you can do this for free as a service member but I’m not sure how. I will go into way more LinkedIn detail in a moment. I started job hunting in August. It took three months to find a job. It was NOT easy. You need to write a resume. There are countless agencies who will review it for you for free. There is certainly someone in your SFL-TAP staff who will review your resume. Don’t worry- they will broadcast who they are. I’m sure if you reached out now they could send you examples and review your stuff. Get a lot of eyes on it. Friends, parents, those who have transitioned. If you have any friends in HR have them look at it. De-militarize it. You need to be submitting applications every day. I had a goal to apply to at least one job every day and generally applied to 3 or 5 each day. I applied to 200-300 jobs easily. I received rejections from around 100. The others didn’t even bother letting me know. Of those applications I had the most luck if I went to their LinkedIn page and found someone in HR and introduced myself and offered to provide any additional information. I scheduled around 12 interviews and made it to the second round for 4. Was ultimately offered two jobs in the same week at my price point but it took work.
Find recruiters on LinkedIn. Basically you can search for recruiters in your preferred area. Just add them. Add whoever. And send them an email. I did this and probably met with 10-15 recruiters. None of them were able to place me but talking to them was good. They can help you figure out how to present your skill sets and will send you resumes to review/copy and will sometimes review your resume for you. They WANT to place you because that’s what makes them money so don’t feel weird about reaching out to them. Talking to them is also good general interview prep because they ask most of the same questions an interviewing company would ask.
When applying for a specific job read the posting and then incorporate as many of the words they use IN THE FORMAT THEY USE THEM into your resume. They will almost certainly filter your application through a software designed to separate those totally unqualified. For instance, if you hold a project management certification and on your resume you write PMP Certified but in the job description they say “Project management professional certification preferred” then go back to your resume and change PMP to Project Management Professional.
Biggest piece of advice here is Don’t Give Up. It is soul crushing. You will feel panicked and shitty and underqualified. That’s normal from what I hear. Don’t marry yourself to the first job. I’ve heard from professional recruiters that companies are more likely to hire a veteran after he/she has successfully held a civilian job for one year after separation. My advice would be to accept a job that pays you fairly for the security and reassess after a year. There’s absolutely no problem with changing jobs later. LinkedIn Fuck you, LinkedIn. LinkedIn is such bullshit. But civilians are rock fucking hard for it. So get a LinkedIn. Make sure everything is up to date. Have a picture- NOT a military picture. The same boring one everyone has on LinkedIn. You’re wearing a tie. You’re smiling like a goober. Write all the bullshit nonsense about how you’re a trendsetter and a problem solver and an out of the box thinker. Really sell yourself. Make connections. Make as many connections as you can. For some reason you seem more hireable when you have a ton of connections. Find recruiters and add them. Find people who are doing the thing you want to do in the city you want to do it in and add them. Interact with people. It is all a show but just do it because that’s the game and the prize for winning the game is a nice salary and a successful transition. Find all of the companies who typically hire vets if you’re interested in that. Deloitte, Raytheon, Leidos, Lockheed Martin, etc. Most recruiters associated with these organizations put out content regularly that’s aimed at transitioning service members. They will host classes and online information sessions. Attend them. Follow the advice of the recruiters. All advise basically boils down to market yourself, make connections, expand your network, tailor your resume, follow up in a personal way to applications (contacting HR people or recruiters within the company), send out resumes daily, interview well, repeat, repeat, repeat.
Get premium so you can see who looks at your profile. Other Job Hunting Sites/Resources I actually got my job using ZipRecruiter, not LinkedIn. So I would definitely use ZipRecruiter. You can use ClearanceJobs if you have a clearance. You should go to whichever state you want to work in’s website as well because they’ll post local jobs (like working as a project manager for the department of transportation in Kentucky or whatever). I received a few interviews (well, 2) doing this. I think because it is kind of a pain in the ass to apply that way. Look at universities and hospitals in your preferred area. Often the jobs they post don’t make it onto other sites. Follow companies you’d like to work for on LinkedIn. Sometimes organizations will advertise openings that don’t make it to the LinkedIn job search function for some reason. Instead they’ll make a post about an opening and the link will take you directly to their website. Certifications Probably didn’t need this whole section but…get certs. They both matter and they don’t matter. I don’t think my certs really helped me get my job but they certainly didn’t hurt. PMP (as aforementioned) is a big one.
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tips on achieving an androgynous look for someone w a male body? i really want to try androgyny as it sounds more comfortable to me but i’m not sure how to make it happen, i’m not that great at fashion and aesthetics and things
well it depends heavily on what kind of aesthetic youre looking for!! if youre the kind of person who wants makeup, painted nails, long hair, jewelry, or any combination of these things thats a great way to start! there are lots of makeup tutorials on the internet if thats something youre interested in, but i also want to make sure i make it clear that you dont HAVE to wear makeup (or do ANY of the things i mentioned) to be androgynous. for example, i personally go for a more masc-leaning androgynous aesthetic so i wear clothes that would be considered mens clothes and i have short hair, but i wear lots of dangly earrings and stuff, and sometimes eyeliner or flowy scarves and stuff.
clothes-wise, if youre interested in tighter clothes you could try out slim-fit pants or even skinny jeans if you dont wanna go full skirts and dresses with it. pants like that could be easier or harder to find depending on your size and height, if youre not that tall you could try some pants from the womens section, if youre taller you might have to try to find some slim-fit pants in the mens section (or just wear shorts from the womens section if its warm enough and youre comfortable with showing your legs).
if youre more into looser clothing i personally think the loose and lowy aesthetic is a great one. think lots of sheer scarves, loose linen or silk shirts or tunics (belted or unbelted), flowy pants, hippie skirts, etc.
if money is an issue for you i buy all my clothes at goodwill or at target if i have the money for something new (target clothes are a lil more expensive than goodwill or, like, walmart, but youre more likely to find things that are currently in fashion if thats something you care about, and they have a good size variety). kohls is also worth checking out, a lot of the stuff there is more expensive but they also have a lot of sales and often a large clearance rack. my favorite pair of jeans wouldve been at least $60 new but i found then for $12 on the kohls clearance rack.
and this right here is the most important part: dont be afraid to try things on!! especially when youre trying to find a new aesthetic, literally just walk through the aisles and grab anything vaguely within your size range that you think you might like. load 30 fucking items into your cart and have to take 3 trips into the changing room to try them all on, no one will give a shit. even if theyre things outside of your price range, try them on to get an idea of what you like and what looks good on you, and then you can look for more things like that item that might be more affordable (e.g. you see a $35 peasant shirt and you dont wanna/cant spend that much on a shirt, but you try it on and like how it looks. now you know to look for more peasant shirts!)
-mod basil
p.s. i trust that you know what terms youre comfortable with referring to yourself, but i do discourage the use of phrases like “male body” and things like that. theres no such thing as a male body or a female body, theyre just bodies.
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Hey I’m an incoming student at Uchi and I just want to ask: 1. 🥺 do you think they (orientation office) will still give out free goodies like mugs and class T-shirt? 2. What’s your experience with housing when the school went remote? For personal issues, I probably can’t return home. 3. Do you have any general advice for winter gear? My parents said I should buy it around October/November so it won’t take up space in my luggages.
Hi there! And welcome to UChicago!! 1) So i think it will go one of two ways - either yes, because they really want to cultivate a strong alumni donor base which means trying to make sure students have really good experiences and memories, especially during O-Week. Alternatively, because they’re in major financial troubles rn (as is every university ever) they might not. I think that if they do, and I really hope they do, it’ll be just a few things - most likely a t-shirt, mug, drawstring bag sort of deal. i don’t think they’ll spend a ton of money on BIG O-Week gifts but i think they’ll probably make sure y’all get a few nice things.
2) Hmm okay so if we’re talking facilities, it was okay. i was in Max, and having private bathrooms meant I could social distance pretty well. Going to the dining hall always made me a bit anxious but they did a really good job of sanitizing everything and the staff were great. However, it is super lonely, so just be prepared for that. Set up time for video calls with friends from home and people on campus! Housing experience wise, it was very strange. Now keep in mind, i was an RA. So I guess i saw many different sides of it, but i didn’t feel as connected to my house and I know my residents didn’t get the experience i wanted them to get. Many houses found fun ways to connect with each other but it’s just not the same as having study break in the lounge together and taking trips on the CTA, you know? But i know the housing staff are trying their best to make next year feel special, and we’ve learned a lot from last quarter!
3) Honestly i’d buy in October! Last year it snowed on Halloween so it gets quite cold quite fast. If you can find any on sale now from last season’s line, I think it’s worth a good deal and having it either take up space in your luggage or asking if your parents can ship it or something! i got a version of this coat from North Face before my first year. It was on sale for like $250 at the time and while it felt expensive, that parka held up like a champion through 4 years of Chicago winters, countless hours getting tossed around in the Reg or the CTA or in class, and even a Polar Vortex. imo, it’s worth it to invest in a coat that you know will keep you warm even in subzero temperatures and that will hold up. This post has some good recs of solid winter coats that are over and under $250 depending on your budget! REI, LL Bean, North Face, Patagonia, and Columbia are good places to look for a coat and always check the sale/clearance section! ASOS, H&M, Target, and Everlane have some even cheaper options. If you REALLY want to wait and you can handle waiting the cold out (honestly if you’re not walking to class you might be able to do this), then wait until Black Friday to purchase a coat so you can take advantage of the sales then.
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Here to Help: Chapter 3
Word Count: 4493
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Discussion of suicide event, mentions of abuse, and while Peter doesn't actually have an eating disorder, his behavior/the descriptions may be triggering to some.
Synopsis: Tony and Peter go shopping and update Peter’s suit!
Click here to read previous chapters!
Click here to read on AO3!
“Peter, stop looking at the price tags, they don’t matter,” I said. Peter looked up at me, then dropped the tag on a pair of pants and shoved his hands into his pockets, looking nervously around the store. Peter had only one thing in the cart: a pair of jeans from the clearance aisle. He seemed to be having a very hard time trying to find something that he wouldn’t feel guilty for getting. I kept trying to assure him he wasn’t being greedy but it wasn’t doing much good.
Peter knew that he couldn’t wear the same clothes every day, but he seemed to be terrified of getting new ones at the same time.
“C’mon kid, there’s gotta be something in this store you like,” I said. Peter looked around, an almost scared looked growing on his face.
“I--I’m sorry Mr. Stark, it’s just everything here is so expensive looking--”
“Oh my god!” I said, smacking myself on the forehead. Peter jumped, then stared at me like I was crazy. “Jesus I’m an idiot , I brought you to a billionaire style store instead of a Peter Parker style store--”
“A what now?”
I grabbed Peter’s hand and started pulling him out of the boutique.
“Of course you don’t like any of the stuff here, you don’t go to stores where they sew the clothes with gold thread. I’m taking you somewhere more your speed.”
“My speed?” Peter said, as we hopped into the car.
“Yep.” I pulled up the location on my phone, then held it out for Happy to see. “Drive us here Happy.”
Happy grumbled and then set off. Peter wrung his hands beside me, looking more and more worried.
“Hey,” I said, and he looked at me. He looked so scared that I squeezed his hand. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Yeah, I’m just--I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? You seem nervous,” I said.
“I, um, well a little bit, but I’m okay,” he said. But he didn’t relax. I almost said more, but Happy pulled into a parking lot and I looked out the window. And I couldn’t help but grin at what I saw.
It was a Target store. Not a billionaire, I-pay-people-to-look-at-me store. Just a normal Target.
“Is this more your speed Underoos?” Peter looked out the window and gasped.
“Are you kidding? My speed is fuckin’ Goodwill--This is awesome!” he said excitedly. “Aunt May never liked buying me clothes, she would just grab random stuff off the racks in the men’s section at Goodwill and make me wear them. Most of it wasn’t the right size.”
I couldn’t help feeling sad for him, but he was out of the car before I could say anything.
When Peter entered the store, he gazed around it like a child on Christmas day, looking far too excited for someone entering a common grocery store. He practically skipped to the menswear area, and started sifting through all the clothes without having to be prompted at all.
Peter found several superhero and science joke shirts that he liked, and after I reassured him that yes he could buy all of them, we went to the changing rooms to try some on.
But it only took one outfit for Peter to realize something was wrong. He came back out of the changing rooms with most of the clothes still folded up in their original position, and a frown on his face.
“What’s up kid? Not the right size?”
“No--Uh well, yes, but also no, um…” He scratched his head while he gathered his thoughts. “Well these would be the right size, if I was my normal weight. But um, I’m not. The only ones that fit me were the small sizes.”
“What size normally fits you?” I asked.
“Medium. Sometimes large, depending on the brand.”
“I see. Well, why don’t we pick out the clothes in a size that would fit you normally, and then we can just get you a few belts that you can wear until they fit you better? The shirts will still be a bit baggy but you’ll grow into them. Does that sound good?”
Peter beamed and nodded vigorously, putting his pile of clothes into the shopping cart. Eventually we got almost everything he needed (I snuck in a few “expensive” things that Peter wouldn’t even look at). Peter now had plenty of shirts, pants, sweaters, coats, socks, underwear, and pajamas to last him quite a long time. Now the only thing he needed was a couple belts.
Peter started to say that he really only needed one, when I cut him off, saying that having at least two was good in case the other one broke. To be honest, I really just wanted to be able to spend more money on Peter. I wanted to communicate to him that money was and never will be an issue for him, and that I loved him enough to spend copious amounts of it on him.
However another problem arose when Peter started trying to find the right ones.
“Uh, Mr. Stark?” he said, putting the belts he had picked out back on the rack. “None of these are small enough for me.”
“They’re not?” I said, frowning at them in confusion. Though as I took a closer look I realized there was no way for any of these to fit him. None of the holes went back far enough.
“But, how do the pants you’re wearing right now fit you? They must have become too large just like your shirt.”
Peter turned red.
“Uh--Well…” he said, before lifting his shirt a little so I could see his waistband. Instead of a belt, he had a strip of cloth that was tied in a knot in the front.
“It’s um, a bit of one of my old shirts,” he said, putting his shirt back down. “Aunt May always bought me clothes that were too big anyway, and she never bought me belts or anything, so I usually ended up cutting up an old shirt or using shoelaces from old shoes.”
I looked at him for a moment, before pulling him into a tight hug. Peter gave a squeak of surprise, but after a second or so he hugged me back. When we broke apart he looked up at me in confusion.
“What was that for? I wasn’t even sad.”
“I would hate to be anything like your Aunt. Which means that I give you so many hugs you have no idea what to do with them all. But it also means that I’m going to have a couple belts made specially for you.”
Peter started to open his mouth to protest, but I raised a finger to stop him.
“I know you don’t like me spending money on you like that but this time you really need it. I’m not having you wear bits of old shirts with your new clothes until you fit into them. I promise, this is the only billionaire-style article of clothing I’ll buy you, and even then it’ll look just like a normal belt. Is that alright?”
Peter hesitated, then nodded.
“Alright then. Looks like we’re done shopping! I’ll get us checked out, you can go back to the car and wait with Happy. And no , you may not come to the checkout with me, I know you’re going to try and look at the price,” I said sternly, and Peter gave me a slightly disappointed look before leaving.
I kept an eye on him as he started to walk out, but I did a double-take when he paused for a fraction of a second, raising a hand to clutch his stomach. He made a beeline to the drinking fountains near the entrance, and drank deeply, chugging the water for almost a full minute. Then he left, disappearing through the automatic doors.
I checked my watch and realized it was almost three pm. We had breakfast almost five hours ago, and now that I’m paying attention I realize I’m actually pretty hungry. Which means Peter must be absolutely starving.
I sighed, and pinched the bridge of my nose.
That must’ve been why he was so nervous in the car. He was hungry. Why can’t I seem to take care of him properly? Why doesn’t he feel like he can tell me these things? Is it something I’m doing wrong?
No, there’s no time to dwell on that now. He’s obviously famished, so I have to grab him something to eat in the car to hold him over until we can get him some real food.
If I had been thinking a little more clearly I would’ve gone to see if they had any healthy snacks for him, something with actual protein, but instead I grabbed the first thing I saw, which happened to be a family size pack of oreos. Yep, I'm a great caregiver, I totally, 100% know what I'm doing.
I got everything checked out as fast as I could and got it loaded into the car with Happy’s help. Peter had gotten out to try and help as well, but I told him to stay in the car, saying I had a little surprise for him. Curiosity and guilt battled on his face as he hesitantly got back into the car.
Crap. I didn’t mean for him to feel guilty. Maybe if I told him he needed to eat he would feel less guilty. But he does have to learn that he’s worthy of things he doesn’t actually need. But then again, I was barely able to convince him to let me buy him clothes, something that is far more important than oreos. I wouldn’t be surprised if he won’t even touch the cookies when I give them to him.
I closed the trunk, and Happy got into the front seat while I sat next to Peter in the back. I told Happy to take us home, shut the window between the front and back seats, and then held up the oreos for Peter to see.
Peter’s eyes went wide. His stomach gurgled quietly and pressed his hand to it, as though trying to silence it under his palm. Then his face turned bright red and he looked away.
“Sorry I didn’t feed you earlier,” I said, holding them out to him. “My bad. I’m shit at remembering when I’m supposed to eat, much less than you have to eat more often than me.”
“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s not your fault. I should’ve reminded you,” he said, fiddling with his sleeves but still not touching the package.
“I guess that’s true,” I said, setting the package down between us. “But I know that’s hard for you to do. I don’t expect you to instantly improve after one heart-to-heart. Until you’re able to remind me, I’m going to do better and remember myself. Or have Friday remind me. I told you you weren’t going to go hungry anymore and I intend to keep that promise.”
“You shouldn’t have to take care of me. I’m almost sixteen now, I should be able to take care of myself. I should be able to go get food and clothes and everything by myself,” he said, still not acknowledging the package.
“Yeah that’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard some pretty stupid shit. You’re only fifteen, I would be very surprised if you could take care of yourself at all. Your brain stops growing at age twenty-five, and even then most people are shit at taking care of themselves. I don’t think I figured it out until I was twice your age, and I didn’t even have a million things pulling me down like you have.
“Besides,” I continued, opening the package and pushing it towards Peter, who finally sighed and took one, “I’m still bad at taking care of myself, even though I know how to. I don’t sleep, I’m shit at remembering when to eat, and I think I drank nine cups of coffee yesterday. Plus I’m pretty sure that salad we had with dinner last night was the first healthy thing I’ve had in like a month.”
Peter laughed around the cookie in his mouth. He took a few more and started eating them too, and I gave him an encouraging smile.
“And then of course,” I said as we pulled into the garage of Stark Tower, “You don’t need to take care of yourself right now. I’m taking care of you. I am. You have nothing you need to worry about.”
Peter smiled, and continued to eat his cookies.
When we got home, Peter took the oreos, as well as his clothes, to his new bedroom, but didn’t bring the oreos back down. I guessed it was hidden under his bed, with a few cookies left there just in case.
He’d done the same thing with the leftover salad last night. Putting it into a container and pushing it under his hoodie (technically my hoodie, which he stole) when he thought I wasn’t looking, before quickly going to his room.
I really need to contact Steve with this, I thought, as I started putting together a few sandwiches for us. It’s worse than I thought. With Steve, he only did it every once in a while, I think the most he did it was three times a week, and only after a particularly hard mission. But Peter… Peter’s been taking food to save for later at least once a day, usually more.
He’s terrified.
But maybe if I remembered to feed him more he wouldn’t feel the need to do that.
I started to set up a reminder when I realized… I actually have no idea how often Peter needs to eat. These past couple of days it’s been me running around getting custody of him (not in the most ethical of ways either, but I wasn’t about to let him go into the foster care system, so if I had to grease a few palms to get him to be able to stay here, then so be it), so I haven’t been able to keep track of his eating habits as well as I would like. I would really just force food under his nose whenever his stomach growled, which was rather a lot, the poor kid, and then we would have meals together. But there’s no way that’s enough for him.
“Hey kid,” I said, handing him a couple sandwiches and taking a bite of my own as we sat down on the couch. “So, how often do you get hungry?”
“I dunno,” he said, swallowing a bite of sandwich so he could talk. “Pretty often I guess. After I eat breakfast I get hungry maybe an hour later? My stomach starts to hurt an hour after that, then if I still don’t eat I’ll probably pass out before lunch.”
“Jesus kid, how did you make a week out there by yourself?”
“I… didn’t really. I passed out a lot,” he said.
“And no one at work noticed?” I said, surprised.
Peter looked away.
“I would… hide. If I felt like I was going to faint. Go to the bathroom, or climb onto a roof if I was outside taking pictures. Only one person saw me faint because I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time, this kid named Wade. He actually goes to my school, he’s an intern, he just gets people coffee, prints things, runs little errands like that. He bought me coffee everyday, even though I couldn’t pay him back. He even knew how I liked it, which was funny because he could never remember anyone else’s orders.”
“So he saw you faint?” I prompted, hoping to know the rest of the story.
“Yeah. When I came to, he’d carried me and set me on the couch in some random office. He said no one used it anymore so he had a secret hideout in there. Then he told me he was taking me to go to get a sandwich from Mr. Delmar’s. Heh, he said he’d heard my stomach rumbling while I was asleep, said I should’ve eaten breakfast this morning and this wouldn’t happen. That was the day Mr. Delmar put extra stuff on my sandwich too. I guess I had a few different people looking out for me that day,” he said with a smile.
I nodded and thought for a moment. Looks like I’m going to have to find this Wade kid too, see if he wants a new car or something. I hadn’t found time to get Mr. Delmar a gift either. Turns out trying to get custody of a kid you’re not related to takes quite a bit of time, I haven’t had a free moment until today.
And this kid bought Peter coffee. Remembered how he liked it. Every single day. Something tells me those weren’t platonic coffees.
“What about at night? How often do you get hungry then?”
“Well, I don’t get as hungry at night. I’m not using much energy to sleep, you know? But…” Peter bit his lip and looked down. “I do get hungry around the middle of the night. Sometimes I can’t get back to sleep.”
I sighed and put my hand on his back, rubbing it comfortingly.
“I’ve told you you’re allowed to get up and get food, remember? You don’t have to worry that I’ll stop you.”
“Yeah, I know, I know, it’s just so hard. I’ve tried, but almost every single time I’ve talked myself out of it. I did eat something once, but I didn’t eat enough. I just finished a crust of some pizza still left in the box. The kind of thing no one would notice was gone,” Peter said, finishing his sandwiches. I pulled a Hulk bar out of my pocket (not a Spidey Bar, I’m still in the process of making those), and handed it to him.
I rubbed his back again, and he leaned into my touch as he ate the bar. His ribs still stuck out, but not as much as they used to. That’s good, he’s gaining some weight back.
I suddenly got an idea.
I quickly pulled him close and he squeaked in surprise, but then relaxed, snuggling closer to my side.
“Safe?” I said.
“Safe,” he replied.
“Good. Let’s keep it that way. Friday? Remind me when Peter needs to eat. Every hour should be good. On the dot, mind you. Never let me forget about meal times either. And when Peter wakes up at night, be sure to tell him to go grab something from the kitchen. Suggest some things if he’s not sure what he wants.”
“Yes Boss,” Friday said sweetly.
Peter paused for a second, as though unsure that had actually happened. Then he suddenly clutched me closer, hiding his face in my shirt.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “No one has ever done something like that for me before. Well, Ned and MJ and Wade have done things but--”
“It’s not the same,” I said.
“Yeah. It’s nice when your friends help, but it’s also nice when… someone older helps. I’ve never had someone older help me like this. Until I met you.”
“Really? Not even your Uncle Ben?”
“Uncle Ben… Uncle Ben was… I think he was good. He never hurt me like Aunt May did. But he never stopped her either. She hurt him too. He was scared. It got worse after he… was killed. She took it all out on me. No one was there to stop her, and her husband had just died. So she blamed me.”
“She shouldn’t have done that. It’s not your fault he died.”
“Yes it is. I was there, I was in the apartment when he died.”
“…Kid you told me he was killed when someone tried to mug him on the street.”
“I lied,” Peter said.
I froze.
“He didn’t die out there. He died in his room. He shot himself in the head.”
Peter said this as stiffly and as emotionlessly as he could. I could tell he was holding back his tears as he went on.
“I was in the living room. My spidey sense went off five minutes before I heard the shot. He was sitting on his bed with the gun in his hands for five minutes. I should’ve gone in there, I should’ve checked on him. But no, I sat there and I watched tv, making up excuses for why my spidey sense went off--”
“Peter,” I said. “It’s not your fault. I thought the same thing when my parents--”
But I cut off. My parents. Killed by the Winter Soldier. Steve knew. Steve .
No. This is not the time to be thinking about that.
“It’s not your fault. I promise, it’s not your fault, it was his choice. It was a result of the circumstances he was in and it was a bad decision. He shouldn’t have done that, but there was nothing you did wrong. You did nothing wrong.”
Peter took a shuddering breath, before sitting up and wiping tears from his eyes.
“I don’t think I want to talk about that anymore,” he said quietly.
“That’s alright, we don’t have to,” I said. “How about you help me update your suit? We never actually got around to doing that did we?”
Peter’s eyes lit up and he bounced off the couch, sprinting towards the lab, all sorrow evaporating from the air.
“I’ll race you there!” he shouted over his shoulder.
“Hey! You know I have heart problems! And you’ve got Spidey Powers, I think this race is unfair!”
“You gave yourself an arc reactor for a heart but didn’t give yourself superspeed or something? I’m disappointed Mr. Stark!” Peter said as he skidded into the elevator and repeatedly pressed the Close Door button.
“Friday, do not let those doors close!”
“Yes Boss.”
“Hey that’s cheating!”
“If Spidey Powers isn’t cheating then using Friday isn’t cheating,” I said, almost falling into the elevator after him.
When we got out of the elevator Peter sprinted to the lab, and was already getting out tools and pieces of paper when I arrived. We spent the rest of the day working on his suit, to the point where Peter fell asleep on the desk.
It was then that I got an idea.
~~~
I crept back into the lab where Peter was still sleeping, his head on his arms and snoring softly. It was around two am now, and Peter had fallen asleep around ten. He must’ve been pretty exhausted, because even though his stomach was clearly awake and rumbling so loud I could hear it from across the room, the rest of him was dead to the world.
I flicked on the lights, but only so they were bright enough to see where I was going. If his eyes were sensitive like the rest of his senses, I wouldn’t want to overwhelm him with the light.
“Peteeeerrrr,” I said, walking over and shaking his shoulder gently. “C’mon, wake up kid. I made you food!”
Peter snapped up suddenly at “food”, and almost fell out of his chair. He stared at me with bleary, squinted eyes before speaking in a slurred voice.
“Tha’s good, m’tummy is hungry,” he said, rubbing his stomach as it grumbled. “It’s bein’ very loud.”
I could barely hold back a laugh.
“I can tell, it’s been growling for the past ten minutes or so. I just wasn’t done making your food yet. C’mon, lets go get you fed, I think you’ll like what I’ve made for ya.”
As we went down to the dining room, Peter started to wake up more, bouncing a little on his feet in excitement. And when we finally made it to the table, Peter’s eyes went wide at what he saw.
“Pie?” he squeaked.
“Cherry pie,” I said. “My recipe. Well technically one of my great-great-great-great grandmother’s or something, but I make it better than her I’m sure. Anyway I figured we never had dessert so why not have some tonight?”
“I’ve never had this before,” Peter said enthusiastically as he sat down in his usual spot.
“You’ve never had cherry pie?”
“I’ve never had any pie,” Peter said, practically vibrating with excitement and hunger.
I paused at that statement, but quickly started serving Peter slices of pie to mask it.
“Really? Not even pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving?”
“There’s no way we could get any relatives to come over. Everyone knows what Aunt May is like. My last Thanksgiving was the one before my parents died, and I don’t even remember it.”
“Why would your parents leave you with your Aunt and Uncle if they knew what your Aunt was like?”
“I don’t know if they really knew. And technically I wasn’t left with both of them, I was left to Uncle Ben, and he happened to live with her. Then when he died, I was left alone with Aunt May. Maybe my parents thought he would break up with her soon, maybe they forgot to change their wills, maybe they thought she was just crazy and not actually abusive. Either way I ended up living with her. Up until now. Now I’m with you!”
Peter gave me a smile, until his stomach reminded him rather loudly about the food and he dug in.
“Mmmmmmmm…” he moaned, chewing slowly before swallowing. “This is it. I found my favorite pie.”
“Kid I think there are a few other pies you need to try before you decide--”
“Nope, to hell with all the other pies, this is the one, I could eat this every day for the rest of my life.”
I laughed and started eating my pie, the flavor of cherry tang bursting on my tongue. Peter finished five slices of pie, though the last two I had to encourage him to eat because he was still hungry, he was just scared to say it. When he finished, he laid back and rested his hands on his belly, sighing happily.
“You full Spider-Boy?” I said.
“It’s Spider-Man. And yes, this was the best. It was like lunch, but instead of the middle of the day it’s the middle of the night. Midnight Lunch. Munch.”
I burst out laughing and Peter joined.
“I’m calling it that now,” Peter said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “It’s called Munch now.”
“Friday, schedule Munch for every day at midnight,” I said.
“Done Boss. Munch is now scheduled,” Friday said, and Peter and I laughed at how funny the word “Munch” sounded when Friday said it.
Eventually we both stopped laughing, and headed to bed.
“Goodnight Peter,” I said.
“Goodnight Mr. Stark,” Peter said with a yawn.
I was just starting to shut my door when Peter spoke again.
“Hey Mr. Stark?”
“Yeah kid?”
“Thank you. For everything.”
I smiled softly.
“It’s no problem. You deserve all the good things. Like I said, I’m here to help.”
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3, 18, and 31 for quarantine asks :o
3- What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on?
Well 98% of the time I put on my very long list of to-watch music videos. But show wise lately it's been things like the BA Test Kitchen videos. Idk I enjoy their comments even if half the time I basically tune out what their cooking advice is.
18) What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless?
I'm not really embarrased about most of my show choices... but I did enjoy watching Big Bang Theory even though its sorta bad and I watched the first season of a tv show called The Paradise which was a period romance/drama about a lady working in a department store. I'm not big on sappy romance but what can I say? Late 19th century styles and lovey shit works well (I mean go look at Murdoch Mysteries which I am not at all embarrassed about cause its fantastic).
31- What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to?
Hmmm...so over the break I'd gone to target's clearance section and found this really cool stripy blue jumpsuit. And it's all flowy and sorta pretty (which I dont do much but every now and again I like too). Its like 4 inches too long so ive gotta hem it and its got spaghetti straps so definitely not for winter, but I figured thered be something later in the semester and I'd get it hemmed real quick and get to wear it. Well now its just in my closet. So, that's sorta disappointing.
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Edge of Forever [BTS!Space AU]
BTS Space!AU [ ♧ ✪ ✿ ☆ ❂ ☾✘ ] “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.” The stage is set and the stars are the guide for the lost souls that have congregated to one point. A fixed constant in the universe for others to discover and fulfill their wishes but will it come to ruin for others?
Pairings: Jin x OC | Jungkook x OC Genre: BTS Space!AU Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language
AO3
Chapter 4- Coup d’Etat
"The revolution will not be televised The revolution is in your mind The revolution is here!"
The spaceport was usually fairly crowded with various species as well as bustling activity to loading and unloading of the ships that were docked there. The fact that there were barely any people there at all to tend to the various things going on was already odd to Jin. Even at that time of night, it should have been just as bustling then as it was in the daytime. After all, Sagittarius was a planet full of trade, commerce, and activity since it was near the center of the system. Everyone could find it, all one had to do is head to the center of the system.
Which meant that the Pirates could find them as well.
The tall, dark-haired man watched from the platform for his companions. Jin crossed his arms over his chest as a rare frown had been on his face for quite some time. His eyes had some scarring around them but the unnatural color of them showed that he had them replaced. His eyes worked to gather information from all around them, even picking up when Jungkook and the company roared in. He already had his ship running hot, prepared to blow the spaceport should he need to. He pressed his plump lips into a thin line, trying hard not to pace as he waited for them to get to the dock. The more time that he was standing there was more time that the unsettled feeling to sink in, the thought that they weren’t alone. People were quick to change sides when palms were greased, even more so in that sector.
He breathed a sigh of relief when he could see them practically running up the ramps. Jungkook and the Mao were handling the crate while the client was bringing up the rear. He already had a space that they could place the crate, safely and securely while they got away. Directing Jungkook on where to put it, the pair ran past him to get everything secured while the Ifrit came up to him. He had to crane his neck a bit to get a look at her, surprising since he was rather tall himself. Even with all his enhancements, he found it difficult to look her directly in the eye.
“I will give you the coordinates of the ship I have where you can leave us. Before that, however, I require components to fix both the ship as well as other things.”
Jin hummed and waved her on, giving another good look at the surroundings. As he turned to climb in after Nyala, a bullet ricocheted off the hull and caused him to duck behind a crate that had been near him. Nyala turned and started to chant, the Chi gathering in her eyes again as she assisted Jin. The same voice that she had heard in the clearing of the abandoned building sounded through the area again but this time, it was more annoyed than ever.
Nyala of the Ifrit. You have disobeyed the Armada, for this--you are sentenced to death. Your companions will die as well and we will take back the Antares without you. Goodbye.
Suddenly a spray of bullets started to overwhelm them as well as various energy weapons launched their way. It was all that they could do to stay undercover because they couldn’t make the run to get into the ship. Jungkook and Vairuit tried to assist them but even they could not make it outside without getting overwhelmed. Whomever was after the client had brought a lot of people and the spaceport authorities were nowhere to be found.
“Jungkook, set the coordinates for Dragons’ Den! Let Yoongi know that we’re coming in hot!” Jin yelled out to Jungkook, who hesitated before running and polarizing the hull plating. They couldn’t have the ship breached before they even took off. Nyala, however, had a plan of her own but it was one that she had no choice now to use. Taking a moment, she reached inside of her jacket to the holster--grabbing the black and heavy gun that rested there. It had strange markings on it, little turbines lining the barrel and had some strange aura around it. Jin ducked his head again as a chunk of the crate finally came off, his line of sight catching what she was doing.
Vairuit saw as well what she was doing and grabbed a flash grenade from the storage. Counting the bullets, she waited for the small break in fire before throwing it. Nyala reached in the other side of her holster while that was happening and pulled out a strange-looking shell, popping it into the butt of the gun. Once the grenade went off, she crouched as low to the floor as she could and pointed the ominous gun at the enemy. She yelled for Jin to hold on as she squeezed the trigger. The turbines on the gun suddenly lit up, red as her eyes and spun as the gun took a couple of seconds to fire. The result was something that he would never forget, feeling the hairs on his body stand up from the energy produced.
The bullet wasn’t like normal bullets, lighting up the entire area with light. The color of the beam suddenly turned from white to an alarming red as it reached its target. The effects triggered an explosion at the end of it and started to crumble the platform that they were attached to. The firing stopped, as most of the enemy was dead but now they had to run to get to the ship which had thankfully released from the securing clamps. They barely made it to the ship as the floor quite literally fell away from their feet as the platform fell to the ground below.
Jin took one last look at the damage before the port doors closed before him. There was significant damage, structurally and superficial as the beam scorched the surrounding area when it widened from the point of origin. He didn’t stand there long as he ran to the cockpit, securing himself in the main seat. Jungkook resumed his position at one of the main weapons chairs while Vairuit did the same. Nyala sat in one of the navigations chairs, strapping her long-form in. They slowly floated away from the now ruined dock and prepared to fire their thrusters to get them out of the hangar.
Hello?! This is spaceport 5! What in the hell have you done to the dock?
An aggravated voice came on the comms and the sound of the buzzing caused Jin to grin. He tapped the button that would allow him to speak to the voice, voice full of mischief when he spoke.
“Ah yes. So sorry about that, this is the Persona. It appears that there were pirates on the dock but we took care of them. Now we’re requesting clearance and weather patterns to successfully depart planetside.”
How dare you?! We’ve received no reports of pirates! You are in direct violation of Section--
“Oh? No pirates? Shame, I sent the video and audio to authorities. So you should be able to investigate thoroughly. Now, the weather patterns and clearance?”
You will dock at number 3 and prepare to be boarded!
Various shouts of disobedience came from the others with a very hearty and colorful cursing from Vairuit before Jin could respond. He laughed, a sound that was very much like someone wiping a cloth over glass very rapidly. Shrugging his broad shoulders, he couldn’t really deny what was being said to the person over the comms. He pushed the button to end the communications and prepared the ship for space. Pressurizing the ship, reinforcing the outer hull and plotting a course for their destination. They would have to do an alternative type of liftoff since they couldn’t get the clearance or other information. They would have to blast off horizontally until they reached velocity to ascend to liftoff. He just hoped that there was nothing around them as they charged the engines.
“Well, since we don’t have clearance or even a wide-open space like normal, we’re gonna have to do a blast and run. How comfortable is everyone with G-forces?” He didn’t give anyone time to respond as he threw the switches into gear, the ship propelling forward at an alarming speed. The ship cleared the dock in a matter of seconds, burning everything behind them. They blazed past the shipyards, gaining distance between themselves and the ground far below them. Jin dodged the liftoff platforms that were out there in the fields that they were supposed to be taken to once they had clearance, yet never received it. It was a lot easier to achieve spaceflight once out there but they just had to do things the hard way, didn’t they?
The velocity was rapidly being approached as the G-forces started to press against the crew. Jin took a deep breath as he knew that this would only be the start, his body used to such forces. Setting his jaw, he pressed another set of buttons that increased the output of the engines for their next step. Gripping the sticks, he pulled them towards him as the ship climbed upwards. There was a grunt from just about everyone as the G-forces started to climb as the ascent into the clouds started. The ship started its roll maneuver as it got higher and higher in the stratosphere, passing quickly into the mesosphere. The thrusters had stopped firing and the ship was relying solely on the engines to get them through the layers of the atmosphere at a punishing pace. They climbed through the thermosphere before finally switching to their Drive engines as they exited the planet’s gravity zone.
They were all able to breathe much better in the zero-gravity of space as the ship accustomed itself to the frozen outside. Jin gave a small cough to push more air through his chest as he reached over to prepare the ship for subspace Drive mode. It would take a few minutes for the engines to calibrate and about a day’s journey to the space station that was aptly named Dragon’s Den. After all, all the sharks that traversed the waters of space traveled there for their more serious business as well as other trades. It was more of a spaceport for merchants than the planet Sagittarius was and better equipped to get what they needed for the trip.
Suddenly, alarms started to sound as a proximity warning to let them all know of surprise visitors. Everyone was glued to their screens as they tried to figure out what was going on now, their brief respite had been taken away from them.
“Jin--this is about to turn into a clusterfuck. I’m getting pirates and Federation ships, closing in fast. What do you want to do?” Jungkook called out, swiveling in his chair a bit to look at the pilot. Jin sighed sharply, slapping his cheeks to make sure that that moment was real. They had no real choice, did they? They were just about to piss everyone off that day.
“I’ll maneuver through them, you two blast whoever gets near us and you Miss Client, let me know when subspace Drive is active so I can get us the hell out of here. In the meantime, whatever I call out--I want you to punch in.”
“My name is Nyala and that is Vairuit, not Miss Client or you. And yes, I will do so.”
Nyala responded curtly, eyes pouring over the screen as her fingers flew over the buttons. Vairuit gave a laugh, ready for more action as she swung back to her screen as the weapons array lit up for her. Jungkook grinned and turned back to his as well, the same happening for him. The lights dimmed for Jin to see better and his eyes lit up as he was able to access the helm better. He had connected them to get the best maneuverability possible, that as well as his enhanced reflexes would almost make him the best pilot around. But he wasn’t going to brag in that moment as the ships descended upon them.
Taking a hard right, Jin called out for thrusters on the left to careen them faster so they wouldn’t take a hit from a Federation ship. They took a sharp arc as Jungkook lit them up on that side while Vairuit sent a volley of torpedoes to meet a section of pirates on the other side. Nyala called out that they had one minute left before the Drive would be active. Taking them through a particular dense squad of pirates, the forward cannons didn’t stop as they blew the enemy away when they pushed through. It was honestly helpful that the Federation arrived when they did so that they would be more busy with the pirates, instead of bothering to chase after one ship.
Nyala announced that the Drive was ready and the weaponry was put away, prepping for the jump. Jin took one last look at the planet before punching the buttons needed for the jump to Subspace. Hopefully, they would be out of danger’s way for the next day or so as they made their way to the Dragons’ Den.
#bangtanarmynet#bts fanfiction#bts fanfic#space!au#space!bts#biasrekkers presents#edge of forever#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#kim taehyung#jung hoseok#min yoongi#park jimin#jung jungkook
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Kind of celebrated Michael’s birthday today but not really. Offered to take him out but he only said he wanted the day off so we could have a 3 day weekend.
Ended up going to Michael’s to look at their Halloween decor (which isn’t a lot but it’s very cute). Got some ribbon to make a bow for Barb and almost got camera film but decided not to. They had a typewriter on clearance also! About $99 and some change. Was so tempted to get it but I’m almost broke so I didn’t (but will definitely go back when I have the money to see if they still have it).
We then went to Target to look at their Halloween section..... which wasn’t up yet. Looked around the store and found some neat stuff. They had a few giant funko pops (a Star Wars character, Charmander, Aggretsuko and another I can’t remember the name of right now) and a nice section of movies. We grabbed Detective Pikachu on a Blu-ray/DVD/Digital pack on sale, which was nice.
Looked around some more. Found the My Generation dolls that I’m thinking of getting my niece and then Michael and I both found a very pretty giant Moana doll that she’d love even more. Will come back for that later. Also had a small section of CaH packs and other games.
But yeah, we had a nice day overall. Still munching on the huge batch of brownies I made for everyone coming in for work this past Saturday (it was barely touched so I ended up bringing most of it back home). We’re settling in (well, I am) and he’s playing Diablo.
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Chapters: 8/? Fandom: Naruto Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Team 7 - Relationship, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto Summary: Sakura always wished she could relate to her teammates better. She wishes she could take it back. In which Sasuke acquires some unwanted roommates and a team becomes a family.
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Sasuke does the cooking and dishes. Naruto vacuums and dusts. Sakura cleans the bathroom and the kitchen.
The shower drain is a multicolored nest of hair and the sink is looking grimy. Sasuke grinds his teeth every time he looks at the kitchen counter but on principle, he can't clean it. He made a chore wheel for a reason!
Sakura hardly leaves her room. She never spends any time in the common spaces. Sasuke hasn't seen her in three days. Where does she go every day, while still recovering? He doesn't care. Definitely not. It's just baffling is all. And he refuses to ask Naruto. Even though he knows he knows. The blond is the more belligerent roommate of the two. He plants himself in the kitchen or the living room and stares at him. Sometimes he'll give Sasuke shit about things that aren't at all his problem. Mostly he complains about Kakashi-sensei.
That's the other thing. Naruto hasn't been coming to training. Out of solidarity.
Sasuke wakes up at 6am and rolls over to look at Naruto. The other boy is out cold and facing the wall. He wonders if he's putting his back to him consciously, or if it's a subconscious manifestation of his anger. It's a weird change. Sakura is angry. Kakashi is angry. Naruto is angry. Sasuke is just tired.
He gets out of bed, dresses and heads for the kitchen. He pauses outside the door of the second bedroom for a moment before moving on.
The smell of breakfast won't wake either teammate. Or, if it did, he would never know about it. They won't leave their rooms.
He fries a couple of eggs and breaks them over cold leftover rice.
The walk to the training grounds is quiet. It bothers Sasuke; how used to the chatter he's become. He waits for Kakashi at the bridge. He doesn't have long to wait though, Kakashi has been on time for the past three days.
Sasuke doesn't like when patterns are broken. It makes him anxious. He feels like everything's falling apart and the hateful voice in his head tells him that it doesn't matter… but it does.
"No Naruto today?" Kakashi asks, cheerfully, like he's inquiring about tomorrow's weather.
"No Sakura either." Sasuke tells him, and he's unable to keep the spite from his voice.
He shows up, because that's what a good shinobi does. They report for duty on time, ready to work. He needs to get stronger and he can't do that if he doesn't train. Naruto doesn't seem to understand that. He thinks he's betraying Sakura by showing up at all. Solidarity won't change Kakashi's mind though, letting their muscles atrophy won't teach him a lesson.
"Then I guess we'll work one-on-one on some more advanced techniques," Kakashi takes a stance, "Just like we did before the chunin exams."
With Naruto and Sakura gone, Sasuke doesn't have to share his sensei with teammates. He has the undivided attention of a master who can make him stronger, better and more powerful. He doesn't have to waste time on teamwork exercises or correcting his teammates form.
He doesn't need it. He doesn't need them. When he faces off against Itachi, it won't be with partners. He'll be by himself. And when his brother is dead, he'll finally be truly alone.
Sasuke shakes away that unpleasant thought. He isn't the last Uchiha yet. He doesn't have to think about it until it happens. He doesn't even expect to survive.
Except now he's stuck on the thought. What would it do to Naruto and Sakura if he were to die fighting his brother? It would kill them. He's not stupid. He knows they care about him. They'd die for him. It's for the best then, that Team 7 is falling apart. Maybe, if they all hate each other, it won't hurt. He should kick them out. He should try harder not to care, but it's like every time he does, something happens that forces him to admit that he does.
At the end of the session, lying panting and depleted on the ground, Sasuke achieves a moment of clarity. "She isn't like us." Which he's always known, but he's not sure Kakashi does. "You can reason with her."
Kakashi seems to find this amusing. "And I can't with you?"
"She still cares what you think."
"Ah." Kakashi sighs and rubs the back of his neck, "You're chatty today."
Fine then. He's done talking for the day. "Hn."
Kakashi takes this for the dismissal that it is and leaves first. Sasuke's too tired to move quite yet.
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Sakura discovers something new about herself. Gentle encouragement does not work. But Spite does.
She's out of the house before her teammates wake up.
It's 5am and she's barely awake, but she can't stand the thought of running into either of them in the hall. She forces herself out of bed and into the cold morning air.
At first she sits on a boulder in Training Ground #14. She doesn't know what to do. She's never planned a training regimen before. Eventually sitting turns to meditating. Sort of accidentally. She doesn't want to think about things, so she doesn't. But soon, meditating becomes difficult; all the painful thoughts she doesn't want to think bump against her subconscious until they propel her to her feet.
So she starts with what she's good at. She practices chakra control. She holds herself upside-down on a tree limb until she almost passes out from the blood rushing to her head. She does all the katas she knows on the surface of the pond. She feels the chakra flow through her network and consciously tries to control its route.
She thinks about the medic nin who healed her, and what a poor job he did. She wonders if he was incompetent or if he just didn't care. Maybe he saw her life as a waste of chakra. Sometimes she feels like he was right.
Sakura needs to prove him wrong. She needs to be better. But she can't do that by herself. She can't go to her sensei either.
The conclusion is obvious, where does anyone go to learn anything? The library.
From then on, she makes it a point each day to go to the military library. It's an archive of history, lineage and techniques. All active shinobi have access… to parts of it. There are levels of clearance and the wild-haired librarian with sharp almond shaped eyes is not someone to be taken lightly.
She starts with the chakra network. And medical ninjutsu. It strikes her as incredibly useful. Why doesn't every team have a medic? Why don't more people become medic nins? She comes to realize there are three reasons:
1) Shinobi want to be in the field and in the fight.
2) Medicnin are targets. Strategically, the wisest course is to attack them first.
3) It's too difficult for most people to manage it.
Every healing technique is high-level jutsu. It takes precision, control, power and determination.
"So that's where it's gone."
Sakura looks up, but she's been straining her eyes in the dim corner for so long that her eyes need a second to refocus. When they do, she gasps. "H-Hokage-sama!"
Tsunade rests her right fist on her cocked hip, "How'd you get your hands on that, Kid?"
Sakura's eyes widen while she struggles to come up with a good enough lie. "Uuuuh…" Masterful Sakura, great. "I found it?"
"Mhmm," she hums, unimpressed. "Where?"
"…On the returns cart."
Tsunade gestures, indicating she should stand. Sakura does as she's told. She holds out her hand for the book and the girl gives it to her. "Smart, much easier than sneaking it out of its section," she comments while leafing through the book.
Sakura shrugs as if to say it was nothing.
"You're interested in medical ninjutsu?" She purposely makes her tone skeptical, which makes Sakura's hackles rise.
"I'm looking for a challenge."
"Well, you'll definitely find it in here. This isn't where I'd advise you start." And with that, she snaps the book shut and walks away, taking it with her. "I'm sure there's something more your speed in the level D section."
She's steaming mad and she knows exactly what to do. Sakura learns best when the deck is stacked against her, when she's out of options, when nobody thinks she can win.
She's going to win over the Hokage and make her her teacher.
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"Crap, I have to go." The clock on the wall behind the counter at Yamanaka Flower Shop reads 1:45pm. "I'll see you later Pig."
Ino rolls her eyes as Sakura dashes for the door. "Whatever Forehead, do what you've gotta do."
Sakura sticks her tongue out at her friend and flicks her hair before dashing out. It's getting long again and she's not sure that she likes it. She was so upset about it when it happened, but she's gotten used to it being short. She's noticed how in-the-way it's been lately. And it's so much work to maintain, she just doesn't have the energy for it anymore. Some days she doesn't have the energy to shower. Why did she keep it so long in the first place?
Oh yeah, Sasuke-kun likes girls with short hair. She could just puke. She wanted to be pretty, to fit in, to be loved and accepted.
What does that matter now? She's all alone.
Her parents are dead. Her teacher abandoned her and her Team will be better off without her.
Fine. She doesn't need them. She's going to prove them all wrong.
She's got an appointment with destiny!
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A sweet-faced woman with dark hair named Shizune leads her into the Hokage's office for her two o'clock appointment.
Tsunade doesn't look up from her paperwork until the door snaps closed behind her. "Oh," she sounds unsurprised, "It's you."
"It's me," Sakura says self-consciously.
"What can I do for you kid? You can't have the book back, sorry to say."
"Don't worry, I already memorized it."
"You already memorized it?"
"…Yeah."
She's good at books. Books, Sakura understands. People? Not so much. Except sometimes she thinks she really really does. Then sometimes she turns out to be very wrong. She thinks of her teammates, whom she hasn't seen in days. She shakes off the melancholy and straightens her spine.
Toughen up Sakura, you can do this.
"How many bones are in your right hand?"
"27."
"How much water can your kidneys process in a day?"
"Combined or separate?"
"Combined."
"28 litres."
"Well, that's a neat trick." Like a dog. Or a trained seal. Okay.
"I need…" she hesitates.
"Yes?"
"Uh…"
"Don't waste my time. Come back when-"
"I need someone to teach me!"
"Is this you asking me?"
"Yes! Please!"
"No."
"No?"
"Can't do it. Too busy."
"But-!"
"Have a nice day!" When she turns back to her paperwork, Sakura knows she's lost the battle.
But not the war.
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The next night, Sakura waits for Tsunade outside of Hokage Tower. She leans against the stucco wall, with her arms crossed, eyes trained upward. The streetlamps have just switched on, blotting out the stars with their light pollution.
Tsunade strolls right past her and she runs to catch up.
"Godaime-sama!"
"Hm?" she half turns. "Oh, it's you."
Hell yeah it is. "I thought about what you said. And I know you're busy, but think of it like an investment. In the long run I would save you time, because I could do things like do your paperwork or fill in at the hospital for you."
"Good pitch. Still not interested." She laughs. "And you really think you could fill in for me? There's a reason they gave me the giant hat and it's not because I'm easily replaceable."
Sakura's eyes widen, "That's not what I meant at all! I just mean… I could help you!"
"No."
"I could!"
"I'm sure you'd try, but I'm not sure I want to invest my time."
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"What are you doing?" Kakashi demands, confronting Tsunade at the bar only an hour later. "You agreed you'd do it."
"I want to know how bad she wants it." She turns to the bartender. "Another bottle please."
"She's good."
"So?"
"She's talented."
"That's just another word for good."
"You said you would do it."
The bartender comes back with two cups and a bottle. Tsunade moves the second cup to her other side, out of Kakashi's reach and pours herself a few ounces. "Why should I invest my time, when you don't even want to? She's your responsibility."
Kakashi glances at the ceiling and prays for patience. "I don't know how to help her."
"Uh huh."
"I don't! I can't be what she needs. She needs someone better than me." He rubs his eyes, under the forehead protector. "I can't get through to her or make her stronger. She's nothing like me."
"Ha!"
He doesn't get why that's funny.
"She's exactly like you. You just don't see it yet."
Kakashi wants to throw his hands up in the air but he doesn't. He needs to think. Just to be a bitch, he steals her bottle of sake and takes a swig before slamming it down on the bar and heading for the exit.
"I'll give them this," Tsunade says to herself before taking a delicate sip of her sake. "They're determined."
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He's so worried he can't even concentrate on his smut. It's truly dire.
Kakashi really thought that Team 7 would benefit from being together. And they have, he thinks… But Naruto and Sasuke have benefitted more. They've softened and calmed. They consider each other's needs. And each other's pain.
That ended when Sasuke spoke to Sakura that way. His rage lit the fuse of her fury. It was the catalyst that made their progress go up in flames. But he still cares. He defended her. Maybe he doesn't have to separate them. Maybe there's hope for them after all.
But Sakura is still a danger to herself and others.
Sasuke's words come to him and he sighs. He has to fix this with words? Outrageous.
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"Good morning!"
Sakura shrieks and almost falls out of bed.
It's dark out, darker than her usual 5am wakeup.
"Hush, you'll wake the boys."
Sakura leaps to a standing position. The mattress bounces beneath her. And there's Kakashi-sensei, balancing in a crouch on her footboard.
"So?" she spits.
"You guys are so cute. Come on." He shoves his hands in his pockets and moves to the window.
"I'm not going anywhere with you."
"Sure you are, now come on."
And despite herself, she follows.
Kakashi leads her out the window and onto the roof of the apartment building. He takes a seat on the ledge and pats the spot next to him.
"Oh so you have time for me now?"
"Stop being a brat and sit down."
She does as she's told, several feet from where he's sitting.
"Come on," Kakashi says in a conciliatory tone, "Do you want me to have to yell?"
"Why?" she replies, "Are you hard of hearing Old Man?"
"Stop calling me Old Man," he complains, but off her cutting glare he sighs. "Fine. Maybe I deserve that."
Sakura crosses her arms and looks towards the horizon to avoid looking at him. Her feelings are hurt. She feels abandoned and tired. She was going to give it another go with Tsunade-sama today, but she's feeling a little discouraged. What if she never says yes? She's out of options. If she can't go on missions, she can't make any money. And what's she supposed to do every day? She can't be goalless. It's a state that leaves her alone with her thoughts, and they are her worst companions.
"Oh, I guess I should talk first." He hadn't expected Sakura to apologize first but he really thought after following her around for the past couple days that she'd be a little contrite. She's obviously unhappy with the way things are. "I'm sorry."
She tries to hide her surprise.
He explains the best he can. "I just want to make you see what path you're going down. It doesn't lead anywhere good. Trust me."
"How would you know?" she mumbles.
They're quiet for a while, until Kakashi gathers the courage to tell her the truth. "Did you know that… my father committed suicide?" she gasps. "I was the one who found him. I used to be angry. So angry. And there was nothing to fight, no enemy to beat. The only thing I could direct my anger at was him, and myself. And the world."
"…How old were you?"
"Very young," he says sadly, "I know now that when someone kills themselves it's because they've lost a very long battle against themselves. I know that it's a sickness. But that doesn't change the fact that I lost him. I lost a lot of people."
He tells her the story of his team; of Obito and Rin. "I loved them, but I couldn't do it properly until it was too late. I almost didn't go back for her, but Obito gave me some tough love. He made me see. I want better for the three of you. What you have is precious. You need to hold on to it."
There are tears in her eyes as she whispers, "I'm not sure I know how."
"Yes you do. You've always known. You held them together when things got tough. Let them be there for you too."
She swipes at her eyes as the tears fall. Kakashi scoots closer and lays a gentle hand on her shoulder. "When Sasuke and Naruto… Did you tell them all this?"
"No," he admits. "I know you guys are all different. I was trying to give you an ultimatum, make you see that what you were doing was dangerous. I was trying to scare you straight. I'm not very good at this." She giggles. "I was treating you like I'd treat them, but I also wasn't. That kind of thing wouldn't have worked on them. They'd never find their way back, but you?"
"I need them more than they need me," she says sadly.
"Nah, that's not it," he searches for the words. "You're willing to admit when you need them." It's not strictly true, but he thinks he can remind her that she's supposed to be the mature one. "I don't tell them this kind of stuff because you can't reason with a knucklehead or a robot."
Sakura giggles again, "No, I guess you can't. I don't know if I can forgive him though. I don't know how to stop what I'm feeling."
"You don't have to. But I'm worried that if you don't wake up and look around, your family might not wait around. You can't be angry forever or you'll push them away."
"It's not fair. Sasuke gets to be angry all the time, and I'm supposed to just forget it?"
"'Gets to'," he snorts. "Don't tell him I said this, but you're stronger than he is-" Off her sudden laugh, "No. Really. You're more resilient. You process, while he's stuck. Do you want my advice?"
"Not really."
He snorts, "Damn kids."
Sakura rolls her eyes but can't help the fond smile that blossoms in time with the first peek of morning sunshine over the horizon.
"All the love you feel for the people you lost, put that into something new. Love your team, love your family as much as you can. Instead of focusing on your anger, concentrate on protecting the people you love. That will make you strong. I'd tell him that too if I thought he would listen, but he likes to make his own mistakes."
"You think he'll figure it out?"
"I think he already knows. He just doesn't know he knows."
Sakura realizes something else about herself that night. More than gentle encouragement, more than spite, the will to protect the things that matter to her, motivates her best.
.
.
The Godaime has a reputation among the higher ranks of shinobi. She's in the Bingo Book for a reason. She's tough. And deadly. Her healing powers are the least of people's worries when they encounter her. She is a fearsome choice in Hokage, her status as a sanin alone dissuades other villages from interfering. She doesn't wonder what her own forces thing of her; the truly powerful have no need to care.
She's still new. Konoha has been in a rebuilding stage. Her work has mostly been commissioning repairs, rebuilds and restructuring.
Her first disciplinary meeting begins with a silent staring contest. An ANBU officer with a mask painted like a Vole. His squad stands at attention behind him. "You deemed this mission a success."
"Yes ma'am. The envoy arrived safely and the enemy nin were drawn out and eliminated or brought in for questioning," he relays the facts with a detached tone.
"I see. But there were unforeseen complications."
"A member of the genin squad tasked with accompanying Arakawa and baiting the enemy was injured in action."
Tsunade snorts, "Yes, I saw your handiwork when she arrived at the hospital."
Because of the mask, it's unclear if he looks abashed. Or makes any expression at all.
"Consider some remedial courses. That was shoddy fieldwork and you can do better. Additionally-" Her eyes flash, her anger bubbling to the surface. "I'm not sure how my predecessor ran things, but under my administration, we do not unnecessarily endanger genin. We prioritize the lives of Konoha citizens, even at the expense of the mission. Am I making myself clear?"
"Yes ma'am!" The ANBU squad affirm together.
"Dismissed." They flashstep away, leaving the Hokage alone with her burdens. "…Fools."
It's her last meeting of the day, so she decides to leave the pile of paperwork for tomorrow. She takes the long way, climbing down the spiral staircase instead of leaping out the window. Just as she's about to walk out of the lobby, there's a flash of pink and suddenly Sakura Haruno's upside-down face is four inches away from hers.
The girl hangs from the ceiling. She looks cheerful and full of a vigor that's been lacking since the first time she met her.
She sways side to side, grinning. "Hokage-sama, please just hear me out."
Tsunade has to laugh. "Why do you want this so bad? You've come to me three times, and I've said no every time."
"I want to become stronger… and I have this feeling that you can help me do that."
"Why do you want to become stronger?"
She doesn't hesitate. "I want to protect the people I love. I want to be able to fight at their side. For once, I don't want to be staring at their backs. I want them to watch mine."
Tsunade considers her for a moment.
Sakura waits, with baited breath.
"You pass."
"Huh?"
Tsunade slides around her and heads for the door, waving over her shoulder. "We start tomorrow. At a reasonable hour, like 11."
She's so surprised that her feet become unglued from the ceiling. She falls with a shriek but lands laughing.
#sasusaku#sasukesakura#sasuke x sakura#naruto#fanfiction#if you can't hold on hold on#my fic#sakura haruno#tw: grief#tw: violence
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GERD & LPR Therapies / Management
[STILL IN PROGRESS]
a rough list to better keep track
NEWER NOTE: this was started with a focus on GERD, as it seemed most fitting with my symptoms and I was then diagnosed with it + consequent esophagitis. however on reviewing the symptoms of LPR, it seems I have been developing/may have already been suffering extra esophageal symptoms in the area. as LPR is said to have different pathophysiology, I am going to cover my bases with an LPR section noting any differences towards the end of this post.
note: obviously finding relief is easier with testing to narrow down specific causes. seems wisest to push for GI to test further. failing that, find a new doctor (lol) or try treatments with only unmeasured symptoms and occasional endoscopies for guidance (lol!)
helpful overall source; here, too, though the focus is on pediatrics
elements of pathophysiology for targeting: gastric acid secretion (usually normal in GERD patients, but key to development of erosive esophagitis), abnormal reflux (amount, frequency/number, composition), prolonged clearance of reflux from esophagus, visceral sensitivity (not many treatments; important in reflux cough)
acid suppression: targets gastric acid secretion and pH alone. includes PPIs, h2as, and antacids such as calcium carbonate, magnesium and aluminum hydroxides. PPIs affect pH through suppressing secretion of gastric acid. antacids lower pH directly and briefly.
notable: aluminum hydroxides, which apparently includes sucralfate, absorb pepsin. sucralfate specifically forms a kind of protective gel. a liquid solution to coat the esophagus could be worth trying. source 1 2 3
can include (or maybe this should go under targeting abnormal reflux, idk) barrier antacids, which aim to create physical barriers - foam or rafts of material - at the top of the stomach, keeping reflux out of the esophagus. these usually use polysaccharides from algae (alginates/alginic acids). examples: Gaviscon (UK-only Advance & Double Action), Reflux Gourmet.
potential side effects of long term suppression with PPIs (omeprazole, etc) are controversial, but they're generally considered pretty safe.
h2as (famotidine/pepcid, recalled-forever ranitidine, etc) are considered less effective longterm than PPIs, though some patients swear by them. I have chosen to stick with PPIs as h2as may lose their effect more quickly + affect things like muscle recovery through their effect on the immune system via h2 blockade.
antacid risks long term are rare with moderate use and depend on the active ingredient. calcium antacids taken at max dose for years can cause kidney stones (very rare, only found a couple case studies); aluminum antacids can (rarely) interfere with iron, zinc, calcium, vitamin D; sodium antacids, like baking soda or those effervescent tablets, can contribute to heart problems, etc. magnesium and aluminum are often combined because their side effects (diarrhea and constipation) balance & magnesium overdose rarely has significant side effects.
PPIs are less effective for anything but healing esophagitis, as shown below.
LES muscle tone enhancement: the holy grail. potentially useful drugs include baclofen (GABAergic; off-label), gabapentin (supposedly less central side fx than baclofen), valproic acid (also GABAergic; undesirable for side fx and interactions imo). non prescription option is phenibut, a gabipentinoid with systemic effects like baclofen that is often efficacious for treating anxiety.
some people and maybe a few small studies find possible improvement with diaphragmatic breathing exercises. this seems unlikely to actually be effective, given it's a more autonomic thing, but worth doing anyway as the exercises are easy, quick, and harmless. [LINKS HERE LATER MAYBE]
reflux clearance: promotility drugs may help reduce the amount of content available for reflux by emptying the upper GI tract faster. tend to be parasympathomimetics like cholinergics (which may increase LES pressure too), 5-HT5 agonists like prucalopride, dopamine antagonists like metoclopramide, macrolide antibioticss like erythromycin (less effective and less desirable imo).
pyridostigmine (an acetylcholinesterase inhibitor/cholinergic usually used for myasthenia gravis) and buspirone (a 5HT1A agonist) may increase esophageal motility. [FORGOT TO LINK STUDIES HUH?]
visceral hypersensitivity: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33899778/
to probably avoid:
ginger seems to increase gastric emptying but decreases LES pressure, so not ideal if gastric emptying rate is normal/not a notable problem. more useful for functional dyspepsia and gastroparesis. overview here.
capsaicin - "Capsaicin appears to desensitize the esophagus to acid induced excitation of secondary peristalsis in humans, which is probably mediated by rapidly adapting mucosal mechanoreceptors. High capsaicin-containing diet might attenuate normal physiological response to abrupt acid reflux by inhibiting secondary peristalsis." Several small studies on this, some without controls, probably poor quality evidence in general, but consistent with preexisting advice to avoid spicy foods. Capsaicin is known to induce nerve degeneration when used topically, though amounts in food are likely in much smaller doses, short of eating whole chili peppers.
carminatives - not much evidence, but aside from "natural medicine" the consensus seems to be to avoid certain carminatives, like peppermint, as they may lower LES pressure.
On Extra-esophageal Symptoms & LPR [WIP]
LPR is generally categorized as like, or just straight up considered a subset/extension of, GERD but with a different cluster of symptoms stemming from the impact of reflux on the larynx, oropharynx, and nasopharynx. proper diagnosis is difficult (ie, without false positives) as a lot of findings are nonspecific. this article goes into the efficacy of various testing technologies.
one of the main symptoms is voice hoarseness. keep an eye out for this, as compensation for it can lead to muscle tension dysphonia and require speech therapy.
poorer upper esophageal sphincter (UES) function or muscle tone appears to be associated with extraesophageal findings, as in LPR. "as far as we know, it is still not clear why some patients have GER limited to the distal esophagus while in others it extends to the proximal esophagus and above the UES."
[STUFF ABOUT NECK EXERCISES HERE]
on the relationship between GERD and LPR. not sure what to conclude from this and related yet that might benefit me, but Justin case https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32144021/
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unusual asks: odd numbers 1-9 and/or even numbers 10-20 !!
1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?
probs spotify. i dont really use any of them bc i mostly just listen to the same music on repeat using windows media player lmao but i do like spotify for playlists/fanmixes 3. what color are your eyes?
theyre a light-ish green with central heterochromia (its kind of a coppery brown) that never shows up well in pictures of me. a fun fact is that the last time i had pink eye (bc high school is a cesspool of germs) the nurse got distracted by the fact that i have central heterochromia and started quizzing me about my genetics instead of. you know. sending me home so i wouldnt infect anyone
another side note i asked my sister to help me figure out exactly what shade of green they are and she said theyre “pondish” and then got distressed by my amusement and decision to quote her on that. she just tried to backtrack and say theyre more like a leaf color but i like “pondish” better5. what is your relationship status?
single and pretty ok with that! 7. what color hair do you have?
naturally its brown but at the moment its black with bluish highlights in it9. where do you shop?
like... for what. for groceries usually whatever store happens to carry whatever i need to pick up and for clothes i usually go to the thrift shop or like. the clearance rack at target bc its close lmao
10. how would you describe your style?
“an amalgamation of every well-dressed person ive seen but cheaper and with traces of yesterdays eyeliner”
12. what size bed do you have?
queen size! i found it out the hard way when i bought sheets that were like. two sizes too small for it once i transitioned from sleeping on a gym mat on the ground to having an actual bed haha
14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?
is it a cop out to say i like it here? like its not perfect and the weather is trying to kill me most of the time but a lot of my loved ones are here and thats good enough for me until i find a giant house and a way to move all my friends into it like we live in the sims or something
16. favorite makeup brand(s)
i dont wear a whole lot of makeup and i usually get it from the discount section after halloween has passed bc it sparkles and comes in fun colors but for nail polish i really like OPI and finger paints for the more expensive brands and sally hansen and sinful colors for cheaper options tho LA colors has some pretty good cheap ones too and thats more than anybody wanted to know about my nail polish preferences oops
18. favorite tv show?
ok its basically like pulling teeth to get me into new shows so i just watch the same 4 shows on repeat but gravity falls is pretty much my fav for when im doing craft work that doesnt require a whole lot of attention (like crocheting)
20. how tall are you?
im exactly 5′5.5″ and constantly saddened by the fact that i stopped growing in 6th grade
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