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bunnyluvs-blog · 2 years ago

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It has to be You. (Donnie x reader NSFW)

Elloooo my lovess, so this is a NSFW chapter add-on for the series "My Experiment" i did, this is 5 years into the future and you and Donnie are still together, hes 19 and you are 18. this is also made for females so the words girlfriend will be used, enjoyyy

You were away for a week in upper New York. You made some friends at your collage and they invited you to go with them for a week. You lived in a dorm for the past year, which, it was nice to have your own space but you weren't with your family all the time. The turtles, april, and Spliter were your everything but you also needed your own time. When you told Donnie that you werent going to live with him anymore, he understood but was a little upset that he couldnt wake to you every day anymore. You were coming back home today and you planned on surprising Donnie with you being there when he came back from a mission tonight. You planned and told his brothers about this so they wouldnt get over excited. You got back home and put your stuff down and unpacked from the trip and started to pack for the night you werr about to spend at your boyfriends place.

It was late, you were already back and so was Leo and ralph. Mikey and Donnie did a solo thing so they wouldnt be back till later. Ralph was asleep by the time they got home, while you and Leo were just talking. "WE'REE HOMEEEEE" you could hear Mikey yell as him and Donnie walked in. You smiled when you and Donnie looked at eachother. But, he didnt say anything? You were more surprised that he didnt comes hug you or get in his knees crying because your back home like they do in the movies. Instead he just grabbed you and took you too his room. No talking just dragging. Once you got there he sat you on the bed as he took off his battle shell. You sat there confused until he kissed you, hard. It wasnt anything like any of y'alls kisses before. It was hot, passionate, breathy, and fast. He didnt stop. He just kept on kissing you deeper and deeper. His hands found their way to your waist as he pulled you closer.

"You're fucking mine tonight. I had the worst mission ever, and then i come home too see my perfect hot as fuck girlfriend sitting in the couch just staring at me. Do you know how much this week has sucked. I couldnt see you after your classes, or the weekend. But tonight that all changes, your going to be all mine. But i would be able to hold back." Donnie said in the most scratchy voice youve ever heard from him. You nodded and pulled him in for more kisses, now you were needy. He started to slowly kiss and suck on your neck. Small bites here and there for fun. He ended up marking 7 different spots just on your neck and collarbone. You felt his hand slowly go uo ur back, pulling off your shirt, his finger draging along your spine making you shiver. Now you have to remember that this is your boyfriend and that he is incapable of doing small things, like undoing your bra, which you did for him. As soon as it fell off of you he started biting, kissing, sucking all over your chest. Small praises left his mouth everytime you made a small noise. "Your so cute, the way your chest move everything you let out a cute little moan just does something to me." This wasnt the first time yall have had sex, but this would be the one to remeber the most. Then just like that, your pants were off. Donnie kissed down ur tummy to meet in the center of your legs. Leaving hickeys all over your thighs as you squirmed around. Making sure every last bit of them were going to be covered in purple hickeys by the end of the night. He slowly moved your panties to the side and looked up at you for approval to start eating you. You nodded as his tongue started licking your clit. It was the first time he's did this. Youve gave him head before but you were always to worried about him taking you like this. But lord, you didnt have time to worry. His tongue going up and down at a semi fast paste made your eyes roll back. He put two fingers inside to get you even more ready, and you needed to get ready. Curling his fingers to hit right where you feel best. And he just kept in doing it. In and out in and out. Your moans filling up the room until you finished. Release waved over you as you pant, then you heard the sound of a ziper. You both were naked as he sat in the bed, telling you to come over and sit in his lap. You hovered over his cock, has he put his hands on your waist again and kissed your head. "I love you, fuck..i love you i love you i love you" and said as he slowly put himself inside of you. His dick reaching parts of you you didnt even knew you had. You felt amazing. Donnie waited until u told him to move. He might talk a big game but he's the softest dom you know. You told him you were ready, he stsrted slow, long, thrust into you. Both of your moans filled the room and ur arched your back, wiggling for him to go faster. He slowly started to go faster, filling your insides with his cock. Oh how you wanted this, how he wanted you. "Oh fuck your so perfect, your body is so fucking cute, your tummy..fuck.. its so soft and smooth, and your thighs and fucking delicious." He said with breathy moans inbetween of the praise. He started going faster, and hitting harder. Your build up was about to come undone and you wanted him so badly. "Donnie, im close" You said softly, almost like a whimper as he went faster and faster and faster. Until the knot came undone and you finish, as Donnie pulled out and finished aswell. You both sat there for a bit until Donnie got up to clean you both up. After cleaning you both laid down together. You snuggled into his arms and his arm holding you close. "Hmm, tomorrow we're staying in and spending all day together" You both enjoyed lazy days with one another so it was perfect. His fingers ran through your hair and he hummed. "That sounds amazing darling" You looked up at his and kissed him before saying good night and drifting off to bed, Donnie stayed up and bit just looking at you. "i love you so much my dear" he kissed you head and drifted to sleep

#donnie x reader #rise donnie #rise tmnt #x reader

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rorysreallyrandom · 4 years ago

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Headcanons About Lily Evans That Just Make Sense

Lily Evans was about 5′3 and James never shut up about how cute she was

Her hair was always healthy and it flowed down her back

Her boggart was simple but it scared her more than anything

It was symbomism; Lily was poetic to a fault

So no one understood why this intelligent brave girl ran out of the classroom when a her boggart was merely a dead flower

a petunia

a wilting petunia

She had the most common sense in the school and she was no doubt the smartest

but that doesnt mean she knew what she was doing when she started to like James

she was clueless i tell you

Lily had Remus’ “furry little problem” figured out before winter holiday of first year

She stopped wearing anything with moons after that and it was peculiar to say the least

She was friends with the Marauders without a doubt

Remus was the one she went to for a soft and comforting presense that makes you feel like someone is always there for you

she went to Peter when she wanted someone whos hair she could ruffle and who would hand her some food when she was sad

She went to Sirius when she needed to talk. Whenever she needed someone who could relate to her struggles and understand the things with her sister, Sirius was always there with open arms

but... James?

She went to James when she wanted someone to tell her the most stupid funniest joke youve ever heard or when she needed a distraction.

She would sit and listen to anything he had to say (which was a lot) because his mind seemed like the brightest most happy place she could be

He would obviously never complain

Lily was a fighter

Minerva McGonagall doesn’t praise just anyone

She would stand her ground against blood supremecists

and never once got in trouble for hexing them into oblivion

but moreso,

Lily was unwaveringly kind

the type of ‘kind’ that had even the meanest of people wanting to be her friend

She got Marlene and Dorcas together in 4th year

James helped but she claims he was utterly useless

When she found out that James liked her she was canonically shocked

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“He’s bloody in love with you, Lils! Open your damn eyes!”

It was Sirius who snapped and told her

She didnt believe it

James was a Quidditch star, popular, a star student

why in Merlin’s name would he chase after her when there were so many girl fawning all over him?

Why not go for the more convinent option?

James asked her out three times ever

the first was after Snapes worst memory the marauders greatest feat

It went a bit like this

“Hey, Evans... are you doing okay? I-I was actually...well i w-was wondering if... if maybe y-you would come get a d-drink with me in Hogsmead...?”

“Y’know what, that sounds nice. I need a disrtraction. But im still pissed at you so dont start thinking this is forgiveness.”

“O-okay”

Lily had no clue that, to James, that was their first date.

The second was 6th year, right before she got splinched in apparation class

“Wh-OH BLOODY F**K THIS HURTS”

*cue protective boyfriend James*

But in 7th year Lily asked him out...

So the third time James asked Lily out?

when he was on one knee and decided to be a cheeky bastard like usual

Sirius and Lils had affectionate petnames for eachother”

“SIRIUS YOU IGNORANT SLUT”

“Yes, Raggedy Anne?”

“Did you charm my bed to kick me out of it you?!?”

“Whatever do you mean my lovely Leprechaun”

Anyways

Lily and James had talked about starting a family before

but after the war

when they could keep them safe

James was still over the moon to be a dad

Lily Evans loved her family more than any thing else

and thats why, after losing the love of her life, she begged to die in place of her son

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2257-blr · 4 years ago

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Behind your back pt 1 | Phillip Gallagher

imagine; youve been keeping a secret from everyone around you, rather than tell Lip, your boyfriend, you fabricate a lie to make him hate you.

WARNING: none

The soul-crushing truth. It ate away at me with every thought that consisted of him, and you can imagine how bad it was whenever he clouded my mind. It wanted out, it clawed at the barriers I made surrounding it wanting to be set free, it didn't care who it hurt in the process. It wanted to be known. But it couldn't come out. They'd look at me differently. He'd look at me differently. Lip.

He knew something was up, whether it was my tedious steps or paranoia that had seemed to be more noticeable than I had thought, he had brought it up with me a couple of times. But I always held up a front — confused — unsure of what he was talking about but I knew, he was the one that was uninformed because I knew it all, I knew what was behind those barriers, what was so desperately trying to be set free. But he couldn't know.

I was sitting at the dinner table at the Gallaghers', trying to stop my heart from beating so fast and my leg nervously bounced on the ball of my foot under the table. My eyes were frantic scared someone would see through the cracks of my facade. Lip hadn't noticed. His eyes were trained on the bacon he was making me. Although it was around 9 pm and they had dinner hours ago. He knew something was wrong and he thought food might help. It wouldn't, but it helped the ache in my heart knowing that he cared for me.

But I can't be near him without feeling guilty, sick to my stomach kind of guilt, the one that isn't always so suffocating but is always there, in the back of my mind when our eyes meet or when his lips touch mine, guilt. Scared he'd find out what I'd done and hate me for it. I was scared for him to let me go, but maybe I'd have to let go of him first. Maybe he needed me gone, to stop the worry to stop him from hurting more than he already did.

"Hey, Lip. Oh, Jesus, Y/n you look like shit" Fiona said, rushing down the stairs causing my leg to freeze but my heartbeat increased as I frantically looked at her and back to my feet. I'm sure I was being subtle, but the pain in my chest increased. I felt so small, so weak. So, so weak.

"I-I'm fine," I say, glancing at Lip who had finally taken his eyes off the food and now had a growing look of concern on his face. I lean myself towards him, my mind scrambling, although he's so far from me, leaning makes me feel as though I'm standing beside him, trying to find the safety of his arms but I'm so goddamn far. "I'm alright, Lip. I promise." I reassured him, and myself.

He wasn't convinced, neither was I honestly. Fiona wasn't dumb either, she knew I wasn't okay. I didn't hide it as well as I thought, I knew they could see clear as day but I couldn't fix this, them bringing it up to me won't change anything. They don't want to know what's hiding within me, hell, I'd pay someone to make me forget it. But I lived it, It was me. I made the decision, no one else, me.

"We have movie night tonight, don't forget" Fiona reminds us, but I don't even hear her. My thoughts grew louder and the scratches began to feel real. I needed out of here. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm not actually that hungry. I'll come by later, I just need to get some fresh air right now" I scramble from my seat, rushing past Lip and Fiona. I notice Lip reach for me but his hand stops halfway and drops by his side, instead he painfully watches me as I nearly trip over my own feet, grabbing whatever coat was on the hanger since I knew it would be at least brisk outside.

Stepping outside I was glad I grabbed the coat, I shut the door behind me before trying to get off Gallagher's plot of land as fast as I could, and I felt somewhat at ease once I had exited their gate and began walking down the street, although the thought was still in the back of my mind. It felt better, not so suffocating.

Whenever I was around Lip it felt like I had a million voices screaming at me, wanting me to let the monster out of the cage. So tired of the constant scratching, the constant sinking feeling. I knew these were my own twisted thoughts speaking but I couldn't help but listen, Lip deserved better than me. A girl who lies to him just to hide the truth. Maybe this was better, for us both.

I continued walking, one foot in front of the other until I felt a hand latch onto my forearm, I instantly jolted away unsure of who they were until I saw his concerned blue eyes, I knew he wouldn't leave me out alone long, probably thought I needed a second alone but he probably just made the worst mistake running after me. Now I had to hurt the guy that I love with my entire heart. My entire body.

"Look, Y/n. You're going through shit alright, but I'm here. Don't push me away. Because when I was going through shit, you were there for me alright" Lip spoke, he sounded so fierce with his words yet they were so soft as well, warming me from the inside out. Pushing away from the guilt that gnawed at me. He was the one thing that distracted me but how could he also be the one thing that brought it so heavily into my head. "Just... Just talk to me."

I tried to look away, knowing that what I had to say was something neither of us wanted to hear, but it needed to be said. I'd rather tell him this lie than tell him the truth. He'd hate me but I'd prefer it this way. That way he never knows or has to. I feel his hand press lightly against my turned cheek, lightly pulling me back to face him. Revealing the tears that had spilled down from my eyes and the tears building up in his. He knew.

"I can't do this anymore, Lip. I'm so tired and I just need a break from this" I say, his hand falters from my face slightly before he places his hand on my opposite cheek, now with both of his hands holding my face, I'm unsure of his next words but I don't stop "Us. I can't do us anymore Lip, It was never going to work"

He shakes his head, the tears fall "Shut the fuck up. Alright, shut up. You don't mean that — you can't mean that." He kisses me "We love each other." Another kiss "Whatever you're going through, doesn't have to make us end like this" He shakes my head — not hard — trying to rid the thoughts that had compelled me to do this, but I grab his wrists and pull away but he only fights back harder, grabbing my own wrists in his hands leaving us stuck. "You don't get to do this, not now. Please" He begs.

"Fuck, Lip." I think, think of a way to make him hate me... I got it. I let go of his wrists, so now he's only holding mine. "There's someone else. I've been seeing someone else. And I-" The lie feels like acid on my tongue, and my nostrils burn but I continue "I love him, I'm sorry Lip"

He hasn't said a word, he hadn't even looked at me. How do you even react to a bomb like this, we were happy and now this. What had happened, oh, that's right. I fucked it all up. But this was going to happen one way or another whether it was from this lie or the truth. He lets go of my wrists, I had already let go prior. His head was bowed, I felt shameful. I let him down.

He finally looked up at me, with those beautiful blue eyes I fell for, the ones that held love, concern, happiness but now... now they looked enraged, betrayed, disgusted. I'd had rather die than known this look from Lip. He never looked down at me as much as he did right now. Hell, he'd probably never seen me like that ever.

"Don't ever fucking come near me again" He turns away from me and continues the walk back to his house but he stops, he fucking stops and he turns before saying "I should've seen it coming, dating a skank like you" With those last venomous words, he leaves. I hear the door slam shut behind him.

I stand frozen, appalled by my lie. I fell to the ground, leaning against the gate to the house I was unsure of. I hated myself so much for hurting him, for losing his trust that I would never gain back. But I reminded myself it was better this way. It was, for the both of us.

Now he'd never have to know about our miscarriage...

***

He slammed the front door behind him, his mind was swirling and he couldn't think straight. He wanted to punch something or — preferably the guy that had been fucking his girl — someone. He ignored the looks of concern on his family's face who were all sitting in the living room getting ready to watch a movie.

Lip hadn't seen it when he first entered but there was a spot on the end of the couch, enough space for two people. You and him. You were always there for movie night, Debbie would have your head if you didn't come. He wouldn't be surprised if Debbie is more hurt by the break up than him.

It felt surreal when he finally made it to his room, glad that no one was inside. He wanted to breathe, he didn't want to break anything but he wanted to break things like you had broken his heart. But hell, not even he was that merciless. He wanted to scream his throat raw and cry his sockets dry. But he felt so numb, so lost, so conflicted on his emotions that it frustrated him more.

"Fuck!" He yelled, slamming his hand into the wall. Ouch. Bad choice. But after the pain seared away, he wanted to do it again. You left his mind for a split second there. He knew that his pain wasn't in his chest but his hand. So he did it again. And again. Again. Aga- He heard the door open and he stopped. After a second, the pain faded and it reformed in his chest, your smile fading back into his mind. Dammit.

He could tell by the perfume that lingered around him that it wasn't one of his brothers, but his big sister. He wanted to cry, he felt so weak under her stare. So broken. Like he was some rusty ass toy that she had just found at the back of her closet. So overused and fragile. That's what you caused. He hated you so much right now.

"Lip... Your hand." Fiona points out, he notices the blood but he's silent, he moves away from her and sits on Ian's bed with his head in his hands. He wasn't even sure she was still in the room until he felt the bed sink beside him. "What happened? Where's Y/n?"

Y/n... Just your name, that's all it took for him to relive the moment all over again. The tears falling down your face, as you told him the truth. The distance that you had created between the two of you was so noticeable it hurt him, had you been so careless on purpose, did you want him to hurt, what had he done to deserve such pain from you. The love of his life.

"She loves someone else..." He mutters, it's hard to hear the words come from his own mouth. He wants someone to pinch him so he wakes up to find you sleeping soundly beside him, head on his chest and your legs tangled together but this wasn't a dream, if it was anything it was his worst nightmare. "She fucking loves someone else."

Lip hadn't noticed but Ian was now standing at the door, he heard the words that were said and that seemed to hang in the air. None of them knew what to do with it so it stayed floating waiting for someone to say something but what do you say to someone that had just lose their other half.

"Are you sure? I mean it's Y/n we're talking ab-" Fiona tries to make sure she's hearing things right, she knew you, you loved Lip more than life itself. There was no fucking way you had found someone else, someone new to love.

"Seeing as she just fucking ending things with me because there was someone else might be a clear fucking sign of that" He snaps at her, he doesn't mean to but he can't find a way to diminish this anger. Lip was now standing before Fiona, anger clear on his face as he felt a hand land on his shoulder. He turned to see Ian. His brother had been there for him his entire life. And he was here now. Of course, he was. Lip couldn't help but give him a small smile before it fell and Lip looked at his brother hoping he had the answer "What did I do wrong?"

Ian shook his head as Lip fell into his arms, sobs racking his body as he couldn't hold himself up anymore. They had seen Lip cry but never like this, never to the point of barely being able to hold himself up.

He loved you with every bit of himself, and when he lost you, well, he lost as much as he loved with.

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mallowstep · 3 years ago

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Questions about the bands/loner culture because I'm loving this AU already!

Is it normal for them to visit family that have, say, decided to become housekeepers or denizens in the city/elsewhere during the circuit? What is the interpersonal/social structure of an individual band like? What sort of names do bands call themselves, & is it a common/widespread knowledge, or more of a you-know-them-if-youve-met-them kind of thing? Also, when queens of different groups have kitted, is there ever any quarreling between them since toms tend to be threatening/violent toward kits that are not their own? Are there any bands who are sworn enemies or otherwise hostile toward each other, & how are these conflicts sorted out? Are new bands only started by mates, or could one be started by close friends, or littermates, for example? Do circuits ever change after they've been settled? Sorry if any of my wording is unclear, and for all the questions at once, I'm just so curious!

no no thank u so much for asking, do not apologize <3

is it normal to visit (non-wandering) kin?

as long as they live on the circuit! and most kin who leave a band are going to settle within visiting range of the circuit.

kin is really important to wanderers. let's say, hypothetically, lion stays in thunderclan, and holly and jay return to leaf and crow. (i'm not saying that's what's going to happen, to be clear.)

lion is going to bring his kits to meet with his kin every year when they're near clan territory, because they're going to want to meet them.

some cats are going to settle outside of visiting radius and not have any interest in making the yearly/biannual/what-have-you trip to meet with kin, and some leave the band because they don't want to be with their kin. sometimes circuits change, and the kin ties aren't strong enough, etc.

but in general, wanderers make a big effort to stay in touch.

what is the social structure of a band?

depends on the size of the band, the length of the circuit, and the band's history.

for small, kin-based bands (like leafcrow, rosemary&co), bands are, well, familial in structure. younger cats are expected to listen to older cats, but the general structure is very egalitarian.

(in general, bands are egalitarian, but i digress.)

the larger a band gets, the more formal things get, i suppose?

like, okay, if you have 5 cats, you don't really need to worry about distributing prey. if you have 20 cats, well, maybe you need to manage that.

one reason a cat might not get along with a band is because of the communal aspect of it. even though wanderers are generally accepting, that doesn't mean they're perfect. not everyone is cut out for that kind of mutual living structure, and sometimes it can be a toxic environment.

(for example, if one cat is bullying another, the band's response might lean towards "both sides reconciling," which isn't, like, a great response. and you're in a limited environment with very few cats. it happens, and unfortunately, the usual result is the harassed party leaving the band.)

what do bands call themselves and each other?

while some bands have names (like the sisters), most consider themselves a family. so if they absolutely need to identify themselves with some kind of title, it's going to be affiliated with the leader. leaf's family, rosemary's family, etc.

larger bands are more likely to have a title, naturally. these tend to be short, and associated with the founding. but i'd actually imagine there might be multiple groups that call themselves the sisters.

and this isn't common knowledge. you know who the bands you cross are, and you might hear about the bands they cross, but you don't know further than that.

so like. leaf and crow run into a band they cross on the way to the clan territory. let's say...heather.

heather might tell leaf, "oh, i heard sheep, you know, red's sheep, was staying in the old house by the river, the one with the dogs."

leaf can then pass that knowledge on to red when she sees her in the...summer? i'm not sure when they meet. but heather might not know red personally, just has met sheep, and sheep commented on red, and heather passes the news on so that leaf can pass it on.

did that make sense?

i hope that made sense.

(unrelated, but yes, you usually are going to introduce yourself as such. "leaf's holly, jay, and lion" etc.)

typically, though, bands refer to each other by where and when they cross. yes, that does make it very hard to know who they're talking about when you interact with different circuits. wanderers don't really care.

they don't see themselves as having overarching structure. there is no central meeting: yes, multiple bands do winter in the city, but plenty don't. there are like, multiple warm places.

what happens when multiple queens (in different bands) kit in the same place?

it depends. usually, they try to make their camp far away from each other. it doesn't even have to be far on human terms: a mile is plenty. maybe even less, depending on the type of territory.

and yes, this is one of the main causes of fighting between bands. they try to avoid the situation, but queens are very territorial. toms usually can't even get close enough to feel violent.

(leaf, being raised a clan cat, feels more comfortable around outside toms. but glass tries to stay out of the barn when the kits are young.)

the first step at resolution is for the leaders to negotiate. if a peaceful resolution can't be raised, then there will be a lot of posturing. cats are cowards, they don't want to actually fight.

an actual fight is the worst case scenario, and that leads into the next question.

are there feuds between bands, and how do those work?

there are feuds and grudges, but...they're usually pretty weak. see, if you cross with a band you don't get along with, it's fairly easy to avoid them.

more common is grudges built up over the winter, for bands who stay in the city, and feuds with colonies that take issue with the bands crossing their territory.

that said, if two bands come to a fight, they're going to have bad blood for a long time. wanderers tell stories, after all.

what's basically going to happen is that they're going to snap at each other about who should have to change their circuit every time they cross, and grumble about it before and after.

other bands are going to stay out of it. hard.

because they're a peaceful people. (cat?)

the feud is Bad, you see. and wanderers are not great at solving problems. they just want everyone to get along and smooth over the problem without actually resolving it. the problem is, when bands actually feud, they're not feuding for petty reasons.

now. now. the other thing that does happen is.

kits in the city/other gathering places. (i focus on the city + winter because that's where leaf and crow are, but there are other places.)

okay, so there's this passage in the beginning of the golden compass about the political structure of the kids and their colleges, and i cannot possibly express what an impact that has had on me.

but. kits feud like hell. they're in a relatively tight space for two or three moons, they have petty fights and wars and alliances and all sorts of drama.

these are usually related to their bands (e.g., rosemary and leaf are close bands), but not always. littermates stick together.

they even can get into "banding together in the face of a common enemy" if like, full-time city cat kits decide to cause trouble.

these don't usually last year to year, but they can.

fadslj winter in the city is the closest thing wanderers have to any kind of reunion moment, and it's like. it's quite territorial, honestly. bands tend to stick in their Area. by their nature, wanderers aren't interested in big groups and setting down roots. so they tend to keep to themselves more than usual.

after all, seeing family friends you see every year is different from going on a long vacation for two months or so with them.

how are new bands started?

while most new bands are started by mates, it's not the only way for them to get started.

i suppose, actually. bands aren't started by mates. a splinter group is usually pushed to break off by a pair of mates.

the "standard" formula is as such:

cat 1 from band A becomes mates with cat 2 from band B. cat 2 joins band A. cat 1 is expecting, and gets ready to nest, but tells the rest of the band to keep moving. other cats, typically close friends or littermates, stay.

the other standard formula is for littermates to form a band during their year voyage. i'd say it's maybe 60 way one, 30 way two, and 10 other.

(that said, it's usually during their year voyage that cats start to think about breaking off.)

there's no wrong reason to form a splinter band, it's just that, unless kits are involved, most splinter bands are going to function more as like. an auxiliary group that weaves in and out of the other circuit.

wanderers are creatures of habit.

do circuits ever change?

they change a lot in small ways. wanderers tend to make the same detours every trip, which is why older bands tend to have longer circuits. and older bands tend to be larger. hence larger = longer.

they can also change suddenly if something happens. like, say, a territory dispute during a nesting time (when a band settles down for a queen to kit), or a colony getting testy (like in tallstar's revenge, and squirrelflight's hope).

wanderers tend not to make major changes to their circuit (for no strong reason) after they're established, but it does happen.

the other thing is that a there-and-back circuit can flip into a loop circuit, or vice versa. basically, a there-and-back circuit starts to take a path on the "other side" of their territory, which widens over time, until they're in a loop.

in the other direction, the loop slowly narrows until it's a flat line.

all sorts of things can happen here, from forming cul-de-saqs to making detours to see kin. the one thing that doesn't happen often is "taking a shortcut." wanderers usually add to their circuit. they don't have anywhere to be, after all.

if i missed something, let me know! thank you for the questions, this was a lot of fun to answer.

#ask #mine #txt #essay #long #loners culture #wanderers culture #wanderers #whitewater #attackcataddict

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getbacktoworknovice · 5 years ago

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🐎Snarky, Handsome Devil

[an AU in which you are a summer time employee who works at a riding ranch for kids and have a massive crush on one of the instructors Jacob Frye~ (this is part one of a series (reposting some older Ao3 stuff~)]

You always looked forward to summer.

A chance to get away from school, your siblings and your parents for three glorious months. Not that you didnt love your family of course, it was just a nice break from the reality you were stuck in nine months out of the year.

Every summer, ever since you started high school, you worked part time at the Frye Riding Ranch, a sort of summer camp for underprivileged kids to get a chance at taking care of and learning how to ride horses.

The people who ran it, Ethan Frye and his twin children, Jacob and Evie Frye, were very generous being that they only charged the families one dollar for the three month camp and in some cases, they let children join for free.

Apparently they had come from hard times as well.

You yourself were an actual hired hand, hired on by Ethan your first year at high school and kept on as he seemed to like your personality. You were hoping he would, after all, you loved kids AND horses and this was like a dream come true to you.

Kids were always so much easier to deal with than adults and they adored when you did your funny little voices, especially the British one as the owners whole family were Brits. Adults tended to give you odd looks.

Especially Jacob.

But then he would just give you that annoyingly charming half smile of his and go back about his business as if he hadn’t been looking at you at all. He rather loved kids too (which was part of why you found him so attractive) and even referred to them as his little “Rooks”.

He was kind with the horses as well. You’d caught him before as he was giving one a bath, talking to her sweetly and patting her lovingly as he got her cleaned up. It was the cutest thing you ad ever seen. Though you were certain he would deny he ever did such a thing if you asked him.

To be perfectly honest he had annoyed you at first. On your first day he had paired you with the worst horse they had to “break you in”, he’d doused you several times with the power hose and made you shovel so much manure you couldnt smell anything but for three days after.

You definitely hadnt had much of an appetite your first week, making Evie worry for you and then give Jacob a harsh telling off when she found out what he’d done. He wasnt a bully, she assured you, he was just…a pain.

Needless to say you’d avoided him for a month afterward but towards the end he came around. Apologized even. Which surprised you. You didnt realize you had a crush on him until you came back the next year and he gave you a big hug…

and you could feel every muscle he had.

He was every inch the rugged cowboy you’d seen on many a cover of romance novels. Muscled, rough around the edges, wild hair and eyes…and that damn smile of his! Yes indeed to you every inch of him was rugged and wild…and you loved it.

You just wished you were able to tell him. He was four years older than you and you just figured it was a passing fancy. You’d get over it. Yet every time you saw him and tried to still your beating heart it never worked. He would smile and nod at you, or say something that made you laugh, or stand too close to you when you saddled the horses for the kids.

He was the sweetest asshole you’d ever known.

You actually looked forward to getting up in the morning.

Today was turning into one of the funner days you’d had in the last three years. It was the day before graduation and to celebrate they always had a giant bonfire and a mini rodeo of sorts where the kids got to show off what they’d learned and earn a “badge of honor” for their efforts.

They were just cheap plastic sheriffs badges, but to the kids they might as well have been solid gold trophies. They got the biggest smiles on their faces and your heart just melted at the sight. Even Jacob took it a bit easier in terms of joking around, taking the event as seriously as the kids did.

You were in charge of getting all the firewood ready for the bonfire the next night as well as making all the certificates the kids would be receiving along with their badges. You were sitting at one of the tables in the rec room with Evie, writing out all the kids names neatly on their certificates, while Evie printed out the pamphlets for the parents.

“I do hope it doesn’t rain.” She was saying as you finally finished with the “S” names, rotating your wrist a bit to work out the soreness in it. You loved calligraphy but it hurt. Looking up when you heard her words you gave a curious gaze out the window, noting it was a bit stormy looking.

“Maybe it’ll blow over.” You said hopefully as you didn’t want it to ruin the kids’ fun. “If not I suppose we could hold the ceremony in here.” She said just as rain started to pelt outside. You gave a bit of a groan as now you’d have to go and cover up the wood with a tarp.

“Shit…” You grumbled as you grabbed up your coat and headed out the door. Te bonfire pit was a good ways away from the rec room and cabins so you had to book it to the barn to grab up a tarp. By the time you made it to the bonfire it was pouring down rain.

Quickly you began tucking the tarp into the corners of the pile, doing your best to get the wood covered so it would actually burn tomorrow, but it was getting windy and every corner you managed to get covered would pry itself loose by the time you got to the other end.

You were about to lose it when you felt someone grab the other end of the tarp to assist you. Giving a relieved sigh you looked over to see it was Jacob. You felt your heart begin to beat wildly again and you couldn’t control it. “Jacob…!” You started but he only yanked on the tarp.

“Dont just stand there like a fish!” He insisted as the rain pelted him without his jacket. “Move!” That snapped you out of it and you began to help him, tucking the tarp into place and covering it to help it stay safe from the rain.

With his help you got it done rather quickly and one he was certain it would stay the two of you took cover in the barn. You were both soaked but Jacob had gotten the worst of it, his black t-shirt stuck to him and his jeans were soaked through.

You were so glad you’d grabbed a jacket.

“Thanks,” You managed to say after you’d caught your breath. “I was about to give up there for a minute.” You admitted and Jacob laughed. “Wind was bein’ a bit of a bully wasnt it?” He grinned, taking off his baseball cap and wringing the water out of it best he could.

“Oh yeah, just a bit.” You teased in return with a smile that quickly turned into a blush when you saw him strip off his soaking shirt. You never knew he had a tattoo, but you turned your head so quick you didnt actually see what it was.

“What’s the matter love?” You heard him tease. “Never seen a man without a shirt before?” You felt your face get redder. “I-I…n-no…I mean…!” You were so flustered you couldnt even get a word out. “Sh-shut up!” You finally grumbled but he only laughed.

“Oh come now, you dont have to be so harsh with your tongue.” He said as he took your shoulder and leaned in close to your ear. “Your not having dirty thoughts are you?” He teased and you whirled on him to tell him off.

But stopped short as you felt his lips against the corner of your mouth.

Giving a small squeak you jumped back, your eyes wide in surprise. “J-Jacob, what the hell!?” You stammered, completely flustered. Jacob however only smiled that cocky little smile of his. “Been wantin’ to do that.” He said as he wrung out his shirt.

“Wh….what? What do you mean youve been wanting to do that?” You stuttered and he gave you a sideways grin. “Why, precisely what it means. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a long time.” He said in plain terms.

You felt your knees buckle a bit and your heart began to thump in your chest. “R-really..?” You asked slowly. You felt like you must be dreaming. Youd had a crush on him true but you never in your life expected it to be reciprocated by him.

“Why?”

That question seemed to get to him as his cheeks actually turned a little pink. “Well…because I like ya.” He said with an honest shrug, putting his shirt back on. “I thought that was obvious but I guess I went about showin’ ya the wrong way.” He admitted sheepishly.

You gave a snort. “Yeah, making me shovel maure isnt the fastest way to my heart y'know!” You insisted with a swat to his arm. Jacob laughed aloud, a laugh you’d grown to love. “I guess I did fumble that one up a bit…” He admitted, giving you a soft look with his brown eyes.

“So…how is it you feel about me?” He asked and it was your turn to flush in the cheeks. You honestly didnt know what to say at first. “I..I mean I really like you Jacob. I’ve…I’ve had a crush on you for a while…” You hated to admit that out loud.

“I just…I feel like I’ve known you forever,” You said as you looked up at him. “I know it sounds silly but I’ve really come to like you.” You said, feeling a sense of relief at finally getting that out in the open.

Sensing your relief he gently took your cheek getting you to look at him. “Well since I like you and you like me….ya wanna try that kiss again?” He asked. He wasnt pushy about it or trying to force himself. His stance was relaxed, and his hand gentle.

How could you say no?

Leaning up towards him his lips met yours halfway, cupping your cheek as he kissed you long and deep. It was the most amazing kiss you’d ever tasted in your life. When you finally pulled away from him he rested his forehead against yours.

“So…theres only a week left of camp,” He said as he looked down at you with a bit of curiosity in his gaze. “I dont suppose you’d be willing to…let me come visit you in the city sometime?” he asked. You just gave him a smile and kissed his nose.

“You can visit me anytime….just make sure you come by car. If you ride a horse into the city people tend to freak out.” You teased. Jacob only laughed aloud.

“I make no promises.”

#jacob frye #jacob frye x reader #assassins creed syndicate #assassins creed imagines #assassins creed #assassins creed x reader #snarky boi #jacob tag

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Yeah, especially my mom and I. Is there any food in your bedroom? Just my ramen bowl from last night that I haven’t taken out, yet, but it’s empty. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Yes. How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I admit to liking my Adidas, which are pricy, but the kind I get are at least under a $100. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They live in another state, about a 12 hour drive away.

What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? I think there’s just Cinnamon Cheerios at the moment. My family and I don’t really eat cereal much anymore. Is there anything related to cats in your bedroom? No. Whats the last thing you spent over 10$ on? Stuff from Bath & Body Works. They have their fall/Halloween collection in and I just had to get some stuff. Over 30$? ^^^^ Do you know who lives three houses down from you? Nope. Do you think Canadians all really love maple syrup? Do they Lane? lol. I’m not Canadian, but I do love maple syrup. Is there a bulletin board in your room? Yep. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither of them really are, but out of the two my mom is more than my dad. My dad has a major sweet tooth and he likes his junk food. Easter or Halloween? I enjoy both. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? I don’t think we have any at the moment. Do you have your moms or dads hair? I have my dad’s hair color, but my mom’s waviness. She actually had curly hair and has all my life, but she says when she was a kid and teenager it was wavy and then it became curlier as she got older. Whats the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? The 4ft giraffe stands out a lot. Have you ever skipped history class? In college I probably did sometimes. I didn’t make a habit of missing class, but it happened now and then either because I didn’t feel well or just didn’t feel up to it that day. I always made sure I knew what was going on that day (like nothing had to be handed in that day or there wasn’t a quiz or exam, of course) and thankfully because of the syllabus I could keep up with the reading and assignments. I just allowed myself to miss a day or two. Do you own any yellow clothes? I have a yellow shirt and a yellow Adidas hoodie. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I have a cousin who does. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? No, but I cried on the last day of 4th grade because I just really liked my teacher lmao. Everyone loved him, he was awesome. It was cool because he ended up being an 8th grade teacher later on and I got to have him again. Does your kitchen looks like it was designed in a completely different decade? No. Whens the last time you wore heels? Never. Do you have your moms or dads eyes? My mom’s. Is there anything shiny in the room youre in? Yeah. Whats the best date movie? I wouldn’t know. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? All 31 years of my life. Have your parents ever been out of the country? Yes, they’ve both been to Italy before I was born and I’m super jealous. Actually, my mom went once when she was pregnant with me so I kinda went haha. I’d like to experience it for real one day. Are you older then the last person you laughed with? Yes. How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? I am not even going to attempt to figure that out. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? No. Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? Not having kids, but I do like the name Andrea. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? I think there is. If you had to get up at 6am tomorrow morning, would it be painful? I’d be up considering I don’t even go to bed until like 7/8AM. :X Have you ever seen the last person you watched TV with drunk? Yeah. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? I had a friend do that. Would you rather get a new brother or sister? No new siblings at this point. My mom had a hysterectomy anyway, so unless she’s adopting, which she’s not, it’s not happening. Do you have anything in your room youve had for ten years or more? A lot of things. Do your pets chase after bugs? My doggo chases flies sometimes lol. She sees me going after them with the fly swatter and she tries to help. Would you ever kiss the last person who messaged you on facebook/MSN/etc? No. Do eat at home or in restaurants more? Well, I haven’t ate out at a restaurant since February. We do a lot of takeout, though. We did that a lot even before all this, I prefer it. Whens the last time you were so excited you couldnt sleep? Why? Back in February the night before my Disneyland trip. Audrey Hepburn or Audrey Kicthing? Hepburn. I’ve never even heard of Audrey Kitching. Do you e-mail more often then you talk on MSN/AIM? I don’t know about MSN, which I’ve never had, but AIM hasn’t been a thing for awhile. It’s been over a decade anyway since I’ve used it. I don’t email either, except recently to try and dispute a charge. If your best friends birthday was next week, what would you get them? Well, her birthday is actually next month so I’ve been thinking about what to get her. What is your moms favorite movie? Grease haha. <<< Ha, that’s one of my mom’s faves as well. How much older is your dad then you? He’s 27 years older than me. What TV family reminds you of your own family? Hmm. Do you own any flip-flops? Nope. I don’t wear flip flops, sandals, slip ons, or any open toed shoe. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? Nah, my parents didn’t tell me that. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? My parents. Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? Yeah, we have the designated junk drawer. I personally have a few :X Is the last person you spoke to in love? Not that I know of. How far away is Chicago from where you live? It’d be a 32 hour drive and like a 4 hour nonstop flight. Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? I think my mom does. She likes to wear makeup, but I truly don’t think she needs it. I’m also super envious of her flawless skin, which I sadly didn’t get. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Yeah. Do you think Zac Efron is really that good looking? Eh, honestly I’ve never really found him attractive. What was the last movie to make you cry? Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? No. Who was the main character in the last book you read? Her name is Emma Griffin. Is the last person you said goodbye to single? One of them is. Who are the last people you saw kiss? People on the show I was watching. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Whos the bride/groom? Nope. I don’t plan on ever getting married. I’m also not the person who has dreamt of their wedding since they were little. Chapstick or lipgloss? Chapstick. I like ones with a tint of color. What was the last unplesant thing to wake you up? A nightmare. Do you have any friends who are ALWAYS kissing their bf/gf? Does that get annoying? Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. If you could trade appearances with the last person you hugged, would you? Like I said, I’m super envious of my mom’s flawless skin and I think she looks beautiful with or without makeup. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? Probably play video games, watch movies, and eat. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? Sigh. Does your best friend get along with their parents? This same question was in a previous survey I just did. Anyway, yeah she was very close with them when they were alive, but sadly they both have passed away. :( If you were to walk to Florida from where you live, would it take long? Uh, yeah. I live in California and Florida is all the way across on the opposite side. According to Google it would take 912 hours to walk there! Do you understand why 'To kill a mockingbird' is called what it is? I know I learned about the reason why, but I don’t recall. Okay, so I just Googled it because I was curious and yep the explanation is what I was told. When's the last time you broke plans? Why? It’s been a few years now since I’ve had plans, but I started having to cancel and not make plans at all because of health stuff and just for the fact I was really going through a hard time. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Nope. Would you feel safer with an alarm systen or security camera? Both. Does the last person you touched smoke? No. Do you know someone who is CONSTANTLY texting? Does that annoy you? It only annoys me when I’m trying to talk to them because so often they’re too focused on whatever they’re doing on their phone. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? Yeah. Rate this survey from 1 to 5 (1 worst, 5 best): I don’t like rating stuff, but it was fine.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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thorns-in-my-lungs · 6 years ago

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100 Deep Questions

I found a bunch of these questions and thought why not? Ask me questions ill be completely honest.

1. Do you have mental health issues?

2. Whats your biggest fear?

3. Whats your relationships like with your family?

4. Have you ever self harmed?

5. How do you cope with mental health problems?

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

7. What misconceptions have you heard about mental health?

8. Have you ever had bad reactions from people when finding out about it?

9. Have you ever lied about self injury?

10. Honestly how are you doing?

11. Whats your sexuality?

11a. If you had to come out, how did you do it?

12. Have you ever been in a toxic relationship?

13. Have you ever questioned your gender or sexual identify?

14. What advice would you give someone struggling with a mental illness?

15. Opinion on medications?

16. Have you ever lost a loved one close to you?

17. Are you lonely?

18. Do you smoke?

19. Do you drink?

20. Ever done drugs?

21. Favourite bands?

22. If you could have 3 wishes what would they be?

23. Have you ever been bullied?

24. Are you unhappy with life?

25. Whats your dream career?

26. Favourite mental health advocates?

27. Do you have unhealthy coping mechanisms? If so what?

28. Have you ever been suicidal?

29. If you could meet one person who isnt alive anymore who would it be?

30. Is your mood and wellbeing affected by the seasons?

31. Are you scared of being alone?

32. Did you have a good childhood?

33. How were your teenage years?

34. Have you ever had your heart broken?

35. Do you have a sleeping disorder?

36. Is there anyone in particular who has gotten you through hard times?

37. Have you ever lost friends because of your mental illness?

38. Have you ever dated someone who came out as a different sexuality or gender as they identified with when you began dating?

39. Have you ever had to talk someone out of suicide?

40. Have you ever had issues around eating?

41. Post the most recent photo of you?

42. Whats your favourite time of the day and whats your worst time of the day?

43. Are there any quotes you live by?

44. Has anything been ruined for you because of mental illness?

45. Are you in a relationship?

46. Have you ever been the victim of abuse either mentally, physically or emotionally?

47. If you could travel back in time to one moment what would it be?

48. Whats one friendship that failed that you wish would have lasted?

49. Instagram?

50. Do you still live in the place you grew up?

51. How motivated are you right now?

52. Do you like conspiracy theories?

53. Do you believe in horoscopes?

54. Would you delete everything from your past if you had the chance?

55. Is there anyone you used to love but they changed?

56. Is there any music/artist thats helped get you through dark times?

57. Have you ever been arrested?

58. Do you have any tattoos or piercings? If you do post photo's of them??

59. Do you want to have kids?

60. Have you ever witnessed something traumatic?

61. What makes you happy?

62. What was/is school like for you?

63. How do you deal with grief?

64. Which year has been your favourite?

65. Which mental health issues do you suffer from?

66. Have you ever had some form of therapy/counselling?

67. What do you do to distract yourself?

68. Which year has been your worst?

69. When did you first encounter mental health problems?

70. What would be your dream holiday?

71. Have you ever been medicated for mental health problems?

72. Can you draw? Post a photo of something youve drawn?

73. Have you ever used drugs or alcohol as an escape?

74. Biggest regrets in life?

75. Is there anyone in your life that you wish you had never met?

76. Honestly, do you ever feel sorry for yourself?

77. Ever had a mental breakdown?

78. When was the last time you self harmed?

79. Do you practice what you preach?

80. How much sleep have you had in the past few days?

81. What's your go to alcoholic drink?

82. Would you rather be comforted by a lie or hurt by the truth?

83. Do you feel empty?

84. How do you react to the death of someone?

85. Are you resentful?

86. What are your worst habits?

87. When was the happiest time of your life?

88. Have you ever fallen out of love?

89. What are your biggest values?

90. Ever been to a funeral?

91. Are you scared of the future?

92. Have you ever prayed, even if youre not religious?

93. Describe your mind?

94. Have you ever intentionally hurt yourself in public?

95. Are you an impulsive type of person?

96. If you could just drop everything and leave would you? Where would you go?

97. Would you ever take an ex back?

98. Do you miss anyone right now?

99. Do you believe in soulmates?

100. Give some advice to yourself?

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breanime · 6 years ago

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Heartworm (Part One)

Guess who got her internet baaccccck! This gal! So @songtoyou sent me this request and I IMMEDIATELY started getting ideas. This could be up to or past 5 parts, I don’t even know! It all depends if you guys like it and want more! This is kind of a soft re-imagining of season 2.

Request: How about instead of Billy going to his stupid psychiatrists place to seek refuge, he goes to the home of a girl who he was in a serious relationship with. Like, this girl is the only person Billy could ever see himself settling down with. However, once he got money, status, and power from Rawlins he pushed her to the side and eventually dropped her from his life. But once she sees the state Billy is in and how sad, scared and alone he is she wants to help him.

Part One is based on Halsey’s Without Me, particularly these lyrics:

Found you when your heart was broke I filled your cup until it overflowed Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own

I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you can take advantage of me

*gif not mine* (I gotta stop using this gif lol)

You stood frozen in your living room, eyes glued on the TV. The news was saying that Billy, your Billy, was a murderous traitor and a danger to society. You watched as they showed footage of Billy’s apartment up in flames. They said he bombed it himself after killing a handful of Homeland Security agents, they also said that he hired mercenaries for his Anvil staff. The government seized his assets. He shot Curtis in the shoulder. He knew about Frank’s family. He set them up to be killed. Billy. Your Billy.

Except he wasn’t your Billy anymore; he hadn’t been your Billy for three years. You sat down on the couch, legs numb with shock, as you took in what the newscaster was saying about your ex-boyfriend, the only man you’ve ever loved. They flashed a picture of him on the screen. The caption read: “Armed and Dangerous, Do Not Approach”. The newscaster was saying something about Homeland and Frank going after Billy, but it was all starting to sound like white noise to you. Your mind said to get out of town and run until it was all over, but your heart wanted to reminisce, wanted to remind you why you even cared in the first place.

“…and I’m gonna have a Rolls Royce,” Billy said, one arm behind his head and the other wrapped around your waist, “I’m gonna drive it to meetings, rich assholes love a power play.”

You smiled up at Billy, you loved listening to his grand plans for the future. “Are you gonna be a pocket square kind of rich asshole or a ‘Maureen, hold my calls’ kind of rich asshole?”

“Mm,” Billy pulled you closer to his naked chest, “I’m gonna be a pocket square kind of asshole,” he answered, “that’s the best way to run a business.”

“Of course,” you agreed, snuggling up against him, “you’re gonna be a big shot. And I’m gonna have to make an appointment with Maureen just to see you.”

Billy tsked and put a finger on your chin, lifting your face so you were eye-to-eye. “That ain’t never gonna happen,” his dark eyes bore into yours, “I’ll always have time for you.”

You smiled and pressed your lips against his. You felt Billy’s arms tighten around you, lifting you up until you were laying on top of him. You kissed him again, slowly parting your lips, inviting his tongue into your waiting mouth. His eyes were heavy-lidded with lust when you pulled back. You rubbed your nose against his. “I love you.”

His smile made your chest heave with adoration. “I love you too, Y/N.” He kissed you again. “I promise I’m gonna make you proud one day, baby. I’m gonna get us outta this shit hole and out you somewhere nice, where you belong.”

You shrugged. Money and status meant a lot to Billy, meant success, but you were happy enough where you were. Yeah, your apartment was kind of small, and yeah, the heat stopped working every few months, but you’d lived in worst places. Besides, you had Billy. He made you so unbelievably happy; you could have lived in a cave—as long as Billy was with you, you’d be fine. “You know I’m already proud of you,” you told him, “You’ve accomplished so much already.”

“Mm,” Billy kissed the top of your head, “I can do more.” He kissed your nose. “I’m gonna get this security shit together.” He kissed your right eyelid. “I’m gonna get us a place uptown.” He kissed your left eyelid. “And I’m gonna make it so you don’t ever have to work again.” You sighed as he kissed your cheek next. “I ain’t gonna let anyone look down on us anymore.” He kissed your other cheek. “I’m gonna make you so happy, baby.” You felt yourself melt when he finally kissed you on the lips. “I’m gonna take care of us…

…I’m gonna take care of you.”

You turned the TV off, cradling the remote to your chest. You felt your breath getting shallower and casually recognized your erratic heartbeat. You didn’t know what to do. You believed the news—you weren’t sure about the details, but you knew Billy well enough to know that he would do anything for power. You had seen the change that money bought him firsthand, and you didn’t like it at all. You thought about calling Curtis, but you didn’t want to bother him. He was probably up to his neck in cops and paperwork and…Homeland Security, apparently. You wondered how it came to this. Frank was alive. Billy was a wanted man. Curtis was wounded. And you…were alone.

You spent the night on the couch, too numb and confused to get up. You dreamt of Billy and woke up shivering. You got up and made yourself a cup of coffee. Your phone was on the counter, and you frowned as you picked it up. You had missed calls from your mom, your best friend, your boss, and your sister. You had no desire to speak to any of them. You also had a call and voicemail message from an unknown number. Hitting the speaker button, you played the message.

“You’re gonna hear some things on the news.” Billy. “They’re true. I…I did all those things they say I have. By the time you get this message, I’m either gonna be on the run or dead.” It sounded like he took a breath before continuing. “I wanted to see you before I go, but…that’s not gonna happen. So just… Just know that I…” A sigh. “…I think about you all the time. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, a lot of bad choices, done a lot of shitty things, but… I only regret one thing: letting you go. I wish… I should have fought for you more. I should have…” There was some shuffling, and you thought Billy might have put the phone down for a moment. “Listen, they’re gonna say a lot of things about me, and people are gonna try to tell you that I’m heartless and evil, but I want you to remember…You loved me once. You’re the only one I could ever be honest with, the only person in this world who knows who I am. Just… Remember that. And… I’m sorry, Y/N. Goodbye.”

You stood in your kitchen and listened to Billy’s message for at least another 30 minutes. By the time you went back to the couch and turned the TV on, Billy was pronounced near-death and was being kept under constant surveillance at the hospital. Frank Castle was said to be ‘in the wind’ and Anvil was being torn down and all the profits split up. The news interviewed a medical professional about the chances of Billy making any kind of recovery. They predicted he would be dead in six months.

You turned the TV off and wept.

It had been nearly a year since everything went down with Billy. The coverage for Billy’s case had pretty much stopped after a month, and people were onto the next scandal now. Curtis had stopped by your place and told you that Frank left town. The visit had been brief, but he told you what Billy had done—confirming what you’d heard on the news—and said that his orders had come from someone named Rawlins. Rawlins, you understood, was dead. Curtis had word from Frank to tell you that he had been given a new identity by the government and was going to hit the road for a while. When you asked why he’d want you to know that, Curtis had just said: “you needed to know it was over”. You should have felt anger, or pity or sadness but… you felt nothing. You had been operating on auto-pilot, swimming in a thick fog of numbness, since Billy had been arrested. The last thing you could remember feeling, really feeling, was a deep and intense sorrow when you listened to Billy’s message. He had broken your heart, left you, and then revealed himself to be a monster and you…You were just tired.

“I don’t know what you want me to say Y/N,” Billy’s back was to you. You had barged into his office at Anvil, demanding to see him, but now that you were there… The way he was talking to you was cold and detached. His stance was rigid, his focus was on the recruits below him, not on you. This Billy—CEO Billy—was not what you had signed up for.

“I want you to say you’re sorry,” you said, “I want you to say you care.” Billy didn’t say anything. You clenched your fists. “Look at me, Billy.”

He turned. He was wearing an expensive three-piece suit and his hair was impeccably cut. His eyes, the eyes you loved, the eyes that looked at you with such care and affection, were hollow.

“What happened to you?” You asked, looking him up and down with disgust. “You never come home, you barely spend any time with me—”

“What do you want, Y/N?” He said, irritation clear in his voice. “I’m busy. I’m working. I’m trying to afford the penthouse we live in and the car you drive.”

“I bought my own car,” you reminded him, eyes narrowed as you glared at him, “And I work, too, but I make time for the people I love.”

Billy sighed, rolling his shoulders. “I told you, you don’t have to work.”

You sighed then. He was missing the point. “Billy,” you tried again, “I’m tired of this. I can’t keep being an afterthought for you. I need you.” You tried to look in his eyes, but he avoided your gaze. “I miss you.”

Billy walked over to you and put a hand on your waist. He pulled you towards him and kissed you. “I miss you, too,” his voice was husky as he moved his lips to your neck, “I know I’ve been working a lot lately, but we’re so close…”

You closed your eyes. You wanted to have a conversation, but it was hard to think of words—let alone form any—with his mouth on your skin. “Will you come home tonight?” You asked, breath short and voice heavy with lust.

“Mm hmm,” his hand slid to your ass as he kissed you again, “I’m gonna be all yours tonight.” He licked into your mouth and smiled when you moaned.

You felt his hardness pressing against your front and you deepened the kiss. “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” you whispered.

Billy chuckled and released you from his grip. You glared as you watched him walk over to his desk. He pressed a button on his phone and leaned over to speak. “Hold all my calls,” he ordered, smirking over at you, “I don’t want any calls or interruptions for the next hour.” He walked past you and you heard him lock the door behind you. His eyes were gleaming when he turned back to you and he looked like himself, like your Billy, again. His smile made your heart skip a beat. “Take your clothes off, baby. I want to spend some time with you.”

You sat up with a start. It had been months since you’d last dreamt of Billy. You looked around you and cursed under your breath. You had fallen asleep on the couch. No wonder you were off. You hadn’t been able to have a full night’s rest without sleep aids since…since Billy had left that message on your phone. If you didn’t take a pill before you went to bed, you would dream about Billy. You didn’t want to dream about him, you wanted to ignore the ache in your chest and the emptiness in your life and just… Get over it. Get over him. You felt a headache coming on, so you shuffled to the bathroom for a quick shower before bed.

Your mind kept going back to Billy as you got ready for bed; you remembered the strain in his voice in the message he left you, how he used to laugh when you stuck your cold feet on his back, the way he stared down at you as he shifted inside you, driving you wild. You could see his eyes, dark and expressive and so full of love when he looked at you, every time you closed your eyes. You gave up on sleep and went back to the couch, deciding to just spend the night watching horrible night time TV until you could get Billy out of your head.

You were finally getting into the Real Housewives marathon you had been watching when you heard a knock on your door. You glanced at your phone: it was 11 pm. Who the hell would be at your door at this time? You grabbed your phone in case you needed to call the police and stood on your tip-toes to look into the peephole. Your mouth fell open at the same time your phone hit the floor with a dull thump.

Billy Russo was standing in the hallway of your apartment. And he was covered in blood.

*************************************************************************************

I have the next two parts locked and loaded! Pleaaase comment and let me know if you want the rest. The more feedback I get, the more I update! Thanks for reading, and may Billian be with you.

BTW, I got the title from this “emotion that’s hard to describe word”: Heartworm: a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

TAGLIST: @delicatelilyflower @doneobrien @ladyblablabla @banditthewriter @something-tofightfor @starsfragments @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @hisgirlwednesdayaddams@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta @sadnessxvodka @ymariejp @sunnycolors @moonlightsay @its-all-o-kay @damagelove @keyeluh @itsmylife98 @funerals-with-cake @littlemermaidprobz @teacuplotus @king4thesirens @mrsjaxtellerfan @thebabblingbook @tartelette-aux-fraises @madamrogers @charlylama @iaintnofurry @k-buggz2001 @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix @elanor-of-imladris @floralpeaceofmind

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #the punisher #heartworm

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robertisbisexual · 5 years ago

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I see all these will sonny Paul stuff on your blog and have no idea what happened. What’s the story there? Who’s who? Who forgot about who? I’m sorry this is just me being so confused! X

Welcome to a crash course in gays of our lives anon [because days doesnt know what a bisexual is or a wlw tbh]

also NEVER APOLOGIZE i love talking about Paul and Will and sometimes Sonny.

Will is the blond man, Paul is the Asian man, and Sonny is obviously the remaining man.

Will and Sonny were the big ship back in the day and represented a lot of firsts in terms of queer rep in daytime soaps. And for the most part they had a pretty good relationship [theres the whole Will not coming out right away and managing to knock up Gabi thing but ultimately their trio parenting is very cute and I like their family so \ o/ ]

Now Chandler [the blond man in all the gifs i reblogged] decided to leave and they recasted the character. It was... a choice that some liked and some didnt. I didnt really have strong feelings on it because I barely watched at that time and I never really cared about Wilson all that much.

But you see days is a soap that LIVES on love triangles [if you dont have some sort of relationship drama youre probably only gonna be on screen one day a week tbh] and so eventually they brought in Paul.

I am very Paul biased and I aint sorry about it.

Paul was introduced as a closeted major league baseball player in Salem for a fancy surgery and we eventually found out he was [in a retcon i believe] Sonnys first love but they broke up cuz he wouldnt come out etc etc. It caused some drama llama because days is gonna days.

Eventually Will banged Paul for the scoop story on him being a gay man and cheated on Sonny to do so and then when Sonny and Will were i think broken up and definitely not in a good place period the show decided “lets murder will and let the viewers see it from his POV”

It did not go over well. Like not even with just fandom it went over bad everywhere because Will was a legacy character people watched grow up and is a child of two of the most important families in Days history and it was... the worst. just a dumb dumb thing [side note he was kinda murdered by Ben, current days heartthrob fgdsdsgdf]

So in the wake of that Paulson rose from dead Wilson ashes. And people loved it! Like ok sure not all wilson fans loved it because shippers and monoshipping but the general audience loved the the sl and Paul.

It lasted ... years. like the build to them getting married was LONG.

And then we found out Chandler was coming back because the only thing days loves more than love triangles is bringing someone back from the dead. So surprise Ben didnt actually kill will because a magic days potion thing saved him? just made him seem dead? idk its confusing.

Ben crashed a wedding and yelled about Will being alive and even tho Wilson weren't even together when Will died and we’d spent years now watching Sonny fall big time loe in love with Paul the SECOND he heard Will was alive it was like Paul whomst?

A buncha angst happened, paul looked sad alot, and they found Will alive only Will thought he was EJ [his step dad, its a long story] and had no memories of anyone. People convinced him to move back to Salem and to try and remember and in a big ass disservice to Sonnys character the writers made him a lil turd bucket who dumps Paul and then just sorta assumed him and Will will be together.

Except amnesia Will had only one goal in his newly discovered new/oldlife: to get smashed into next year by beautiful Paul.

This man literally divorced [idk how you need to get divorced when youve been declared legally dead and Sonny was literally about to get married a few weeks prior but whatever days you do you] sonny for a CHANCE at that sweet sweet paul action.

Paul was VERY hesitent about Will because he still loved Sonny and even if Sonny didnt want to be with him he didnt want to hurt Sonny. IMO the writing for Sonny here is awful tbh and they made him both way to aggressive in his attempts to be with Will and cold in his treatment of Paul. It was like a light switch got flipped from “loves paul” to “loves will” and there was no inbetween [this is an issue they duplicated with Will months later and it was imo just as poorly done]

What came next was Paul and Will growing closer and fallin in love and I WOULD LITERALLY DIE FOR THEM but like even the most diehard horita shipper knew that eventually will x sonny would happen.

And not too long after Will and Paul shared the i love yous and basically moved in together etc etc Will started his journey of recovering his memories and Paul was CLEARLY nervous about it but supportive and helpful because hes just a soft good human tbh and Will repeatedly told him nothing would change [but we knew rip]

Except as soon as Will got his full memories back he had that light switch flip himself and literally seconds after having memories back was like “time to dump paul“

except dumbass paul with a heart of gold literally tackled someone out a window of a mansion to save Wills mom from being hurt and ended up paralyzed because apparently days only knows how to write men of color out by paralyzing them [ because they LITERALLY just did this exact exit with another character not even a year before this but i digress] so Will felt guilty and stayed with Paul, though not too guilty because he kept making out with Sonny in public places and getting reamed for it by Pauls brother Brady.

Then Paul ... figured it out? Or Will finally fessed up I cant really remember tbh I sorta blocked it out because it was ...not well written. Anyways they broke up and literally a day later Paul was like ok bye dad and brother im moving back to san fran for fancy medical treatment see ya whenever and just left lmao without even saying goodbye to anyone else.

and now we’re at the point where days clearly has no idea what to do with only 2 gay men and no triangle because all they've done since Paul left is that Sonny was blackmailed into marrying guest character Leo, also a gay man, who they thought they’d killed months before [and paul helped them cover up I believe because he's perfect] but surprise you didnt and now you gotta be married and stay apart because... reasons.

And then Leo finally left and they were free of that only now Will has a brain tumor as a side effect form the magic serum stuff that gave him his memories back but they’re only ever on like one day a week and I gotta be honest its so boring anon.

I miss Paul and also Will's personality and I wish they’d both come back.

and that’s what you missed on glee.

#days of our lives #horita

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nancywheelxr · 6 years ago

Text

Winn wakes up in the DEO.

Or at least, it looks like the DEO- it’s so cold, to begin with, and it was never warm in the first place. And when he walks up the stairs to take a look out of the balcony, there’s nothing to look at, and everything’s just a little too… shimmery? Shiny, maybe, or glossy- it doesn’t look real. It’s kind of blurred at the edges, too, like a filter was placed over it, or maybe the filter is over his own vision.

But as much as he rubs at his eyes, it doesn’t go away, and though that on its own is concerning, the worst part is that there’s nobody else there. The place is completely empty, though all the electronics are intact- but there’s no J’onn, or Kara, or Alex, or even the agents who’ve helped him that he always thought quietly resented him just for being there. Not even the Legion is present, there’s no Mon-El, or Imra, or Brainy…

Their absences leave a gaping hole of loneliness inside him, that spreads through this whole place- he’s been away from it for too long, he wishes it were real but it isn’t and it won’t stop reminding him of that- and it certainly isn’t helped when he calls out, “Hello? Anyone home?” and his words just echo like he’s hearing his own shadow talking back to him.

Or his own ghost.

“Hello, Winslow.”

Speaking of ghosts…

“Dad.” Winn says, voice flat. It isn’t even a question, because that’s his father’s image, recreated flawlessly in this- well, Kara wanted to call it a mind-palace, but that term is far too nice for what he’s experiencing.

It’s his personal Bad Place, or as he’d first referred to it, his mind-prison- and there’s no better prison guard than the one he’d grown up knowing was behind bars.

Only a matter of time before you’re in a cage, too, he thinks, but he’s been caged since he woke up, and all he wants is for his father to get it over with and put him in one for real.

It would at least be preferable to this. To his father looking at him, staring and judging, as Winn sees nothing in his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Winn asks. “I mean- how are you even here? You died in the 21st century, I saw your body- it exploded, your protégé carried out your last request and she got what she deserved too. Haven’t you tortured me and my family enough?”

“More like you have tortured mine.” Winslow Senior- or the being that looks like him- says. “I am your father, and all I wanted was to keep my family together. Especially you and I. And I was willing to do anything to make sure of that.”

“Yeah, I know!” Winn insists. “You were willing to send us both to prison, for that- and now we’re both here. In my mind- where I thought I was finally free of you.”

“This is your mind.” Winslow Senior says. “But you know you will never be rid of me. My genes are still within you- what was it you said, the gruesome way you described it- ah, yes. A ticking time bomb. And they have already gone off, you know. Your friends hate you, for what you did to them.”

“At least I didn’t murder anyone.”

“Not yet.”

“But perhaps you will- who knows, Winn, what the body is willing to do if it’s controlled? Especially by such sophisticated machines. It’s like pulling puppet strings, making it look so real- as if the Winn that your friends all know and love truly is the one destroying the Legion from the inside out.”

“I can stop it.” Winn says. “I’ll escape you somehow-“

He looks around the room, trying to will himself away… trying to imagine something, some kind of key to a door he can’t see yet. Kara didn’t go too into depth about her own experiences, but he knows that Brainy helped her realize what was really important to her. Who she really was, despite what had happened to her and what had caused that.

Winn wishes Brainy was here now, despite how he knows he’d probably be far less helpful for him than he was for Kara. He could tell, from their first meeting, that Brainy had a crush on Kara- even though Brainy probably didn’t know that word himself- and though they’d become friendlier to each other over time, he and Winn still hadn’t been on the best of terms. They hadn’t even really talked one-on-one, before switching places, but if he had to admit it, he hoped he was doing okay, and that Brainy thought the same of him.

How disappointed he would be, if or when he found out the truth…

But the point was that Brainy already had helped him. Before, just by showing him his own design, he’d given Winn the confidence to do what he had always been ready for, what he’d been doing long before the Legion came along.

What he had done, in fact, at another DEO base, with another Brainiac, a month and a half after his father broke out of prison.

“I will escape you- Brainiac.”

He can’t deny it. It’s the only explanation, Brainiac’s been messing with his head- no better way to stop a threat to your plans than attack its mastermind, right?- and he’s only mad that he didn’t figure it out sooner.

Because wasn’t he trying to do the same thing, really? Wasn’t he working on figuring out a way to get at Brainiac himself, get into his head and shut him down just like Indigo?

Were he and Brainiac really any different?

“I know everything about you, you know.” Brainiac says, in his father’s voice- but it sounds deeper now, almost ancient. His eyes are surrounded by shadows, like he’s been punched, and dark veins stand out on his neck. When Winn looks him in the eyes, they’ve gone completely black, and he could swear he’s slowly turning blue- although maybe that’s just the lighting.

Or he’s still going crazy, even inside his own mind. It’s hard to tell.

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“You have constantly been underestimated, but you were far more of a threat than even I foresaw.” Brainiac answers. “Capable of far more- for a human, of course.”

“I’ve heard that before.”

“I am aware.” Brainiac continues. “But people underestimated your father, as well- they expected much from him, took advantage of him, and when he got justice for himself, they didn’t understand. Did you not feel underestimated, when you worked at this very place? When you told them you were moving on, did they not try to convince you to stay?”

“I guess so, but they did that because they were gonna miss me.” Winn says.

“You are lying to yourself.” Brainiac says. “They do not care about you- only your work. And when they save the day, do they ever thank you? Do they give you credit, for what you’ve done?”

“…”

“You deserve justice.” Brainiac answers. “You should make them see what kind of person you really are.”

“I’m not like my father.” Winn says. “That’s what you’re implying, isn’t it? Well, it isn’t working. I know who I am, and I know I’m capable- but that comes from me. Not him. And I certainly don’t need you to remind me of that.”

Brainiac glares at him.

“You will not stop me.” He says. “I am prepared for anything you might do- and unlike you, I am not afraid of my enemy.”

“Does this look afraid to you?” Winn asks, raising his hand. He wills it to be sharp, to do what he hopes it will.

Then, he plunges it into Brainiac’s head.

#submission #oh my goddd!!!!#this is amazinggg #winn standing up for himself!#the best #and brainiac appearing as winns father oh god of course he would do that #and playing on winns fear of being like him #i love this so much

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shsl-dangan-kins · 8 years ago

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(tw)can i have positivity? for a hajime who reallyjust wants to die and/or see himself covered in cuts & bruises cus he deserves it? i'm sorry for bothering

under the readmore

helloooo hajime -- first of all, if youre reading this, congratulations. youve survived that much longer. im proud of you!! and even if you dont agree, youre doing so well and just continuing to breathe is huge and i am endlessly grateful.

but hoho i hear you want to die -- yeahhhh thats a shit feeling. been there, hajime. so?? youre not alone??? and countless others know how you feel (maybe not exactly since your situation is unique) and many are still here today!! some are not. stay strong, if not for yourself, then for them -- to show them that it can get better.

because you know what?? it can, and it will. youre already trying so hard to keep things going, and from what it sounds like you tried not to self-harm!! if you didnt, i am so, so proud of you!! if you did hurt yourself, im still proud. you reached out for support, and that can feel impossible at times, so either way youve come a long way and should give yourself a pat on the back.

oohh i also have some resources for wanting to self-harm:

★ here is a large masterlist that has sections for anger/restlessness, wanting to see blood★ here is another masterlist that also has a section on wanting to see blood

aaa i couldnt find any for bruising im sorry-

but maybe take some (skin-safe!! non-toxic doesnt necessarily mean skin-safe btw!!) acrylic paints and play around with purples and reds for the desired effect.

please use these instead; you do not deserve those cuts or bruises, period. i dont care what youve told yourself, what youve done, or what youve heard: you dont deserve any type of harm, at all, ever. do not say you do. i will bring blanket-fort materials and a strongly worded speech so we can (comfortably) have a talk. a very long talk.

ooh maybe you disagreed with me just now -- sassy as ever. ‘kay, so heres the bottom line: you deserve the absolute best treatment from BOTH your friends/family and yourself. because you know what?? youre your own best friend, hajime, or your worst enemy. right now it sounds like the latter, so if you feel like talking down on yourself maybe try considering your negative thoughts that of a friend?? like, your friend is coming to you with all this and youre comforting them. what would you say??

youre an incredible person hajime, and you dont need a shiny medal to show for it. you have your own strengths, silly as they may seem. for one?? i dont know you outside of this request, but i surely found comfort in your ask. truly the shsl serenity. maybe ask your friends for other things they like about you?? or make a list!! you probably have beautiful eyes, or a bright smile, or a soothing voice. maybe you play an instrument, or a sport, or youre really good at puzzles. maybe you tell creative puns. just to name a few. make your own list tho. keep adding to it.

and if you ever want to talk more my main is @mintyyprince so hmu -- and if you feel youre about to act on urges, please call:

Crisis: (775) 784-8090.National Number: 1 (800) 273-8255 Online crisis chatroom: https://www.imalive.org/if you have swallowed a lot of pills or any other harmful substances call poison control: (800) 222-1222

stay safe hajime. im thinking of you.

#suicide ment //#self harm ment //#positivity #mod ko #anon #ask

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arplis · 5 years ago

Text

Arplis - News: Bugging Out What it Means, How to Plan for It, and When to Leave

Bugging Out

Bugging out is a common term among preppers and people in the preparedness community. On its face, its a simple concept, leave you home when theres a disaster or emergency, but its much more complicated than that.

What does bugging out mean? Bugging out is when someone leaves their home because of an impending emergency or emergency that is already happening. It gets its name from the scattering of bugs when you turn on the light or try to step on them and they scatter in all directions.

If youre interested in bugging out then you should keep reading. Theres a lot of nuance involved in bugging out intelligently and effectively.

Table of Contents

Bugging Out

What Is Bugging Out

Why is it called bugging out?

Why would you bug out?

What do you need to bug out?

Bug Out Bags

Urban Bug Out Bags

Rural Bug Out Bags

Common Bug Out Bag Questions

Do I need a bug out bag?

How long should a bug out bag last?

What should be in your bug out bag?

How heavy should a bug out bag be?

Bug Out Locations

What to Look for in a Bug Out Location

Getting to Your Bug Out Location

Bug Out Vehicles

Bug Out Trailers

Roof Racks

Bikes

Weapons While Bugging Out

Types of Weapons for Bugging Out

Other Things to Consider When Bugging Out With Weapons

Bug Out Plan

Before You Need to Bug Out

The Last-Minute/No Notice Bug Out

Bugging Out With a Few Hours Notice

Bugging Out With a Couple of Days or More to Prepare

Conclusion

What Is Bugging Out

Bugging out is when you pack up your family, load as many supplies as you can into your vehicles and leave your home. Its not an ideal situation, but when you bug out it should be the lesser of two evils.

Im probably going to end up saying this a lot, bugging out should be a last resort! Dont live somewhere where youre going to need to bug out as soon any kind of problem happens. You home should be a safe place that can keep you and your family safe in all but the most dangerous situations.

Why is it called bugging out?

The term bugging out is believed to come from the Korean War during several instances of massive retreats that occurred during the war. It probably came from the 1930s commercials that showed bugs fleeing in front of a giant foot thats about to crush them or in reference to the way bugs scatter when theyre found.

Its a creative piece of slang that means retreat or relocate to a place thats safe, or less dangerous.

Why would you bug out?

The exact reason that someone would bug out is going to be different for everyone. Some people are going to plan to bug out as soon as theres any threat of social unrest in the area and others arent even going to consider it until its simply too late. You should aim for somewhere in the middle.

Examples of events that may cause you to bug out:

Pandemic

Financial Collapse

Civil Unrest

Natural Disasters

Foreign Military Occupation

Martial Law

Any event that would make living in your home or apartment unsustainable is a reason to bug out.

What do you need to bug out?

In order to bug out, you should have a packed bug out bag for each member of your family, a bug out location, a vehicle to get you to that bug out location and a bug out plan.

Bug Out Bags

A bug out bag should make up the backbone of your basic bug out plan. It should include everything that you need to get from your home to your bug out location and nothing more.

When you bug out you should be in a vehicle, but you need to plan your bug out bag so you can carry it on your back the entire way. This is the worst-case scenario, so its what were planning for.

The thing that you really need to keep in mind is that a bug out bag needs to be minimalistic. Pack only what you need not what you think will be nice to have. If you want to have nice to have stuff while youre bugging out then put that stuff in a tote that you can load into your vehicle and get rid of if you end up needing more room later on.

These are the essentials that you must have in a bug out bag:

Backpack

Water

Food

Shelter

First Aid Kit

Urban Bug Out Bags

If you live in an urban environment, then youre much more likely to have to bug out than someone that lives in the suburbs or in a rural area. With so many people jammed into cities and literally living on top of each other, theres just a lot more that can go wrong. Even seemingly small disasters can turn into full-blown riots pretty quickly and with little to no warning.

This makes an urban bug out bag one of the most important things for people who want to be prepared in the city.

I normally recommend that you build an urban bug out bag in a way that draws as little attention to it as possible. You dont want it to be obvious that youre carrying a lot of supplies on your back if there are looters or hungry people around.

Rural Bug Out Bags

If you live in a rural area, I think youre a lot less likely to ever use your bug out bag, but that doesnt mean that its not still important. If youre planning to be able to bug out, start with a bug out bag no matter where you live.

I consider rural bug out bags to be a little easier to put together than an urban bug out bag. You dont really need to worry about drawing attention to yourself and you can find a lot more backpacks that are at home in the country than you can backpacks that are big enough to pack everything you need and not draw attention in the city.

Common Bug Out Bag Questions

These are a few questions that always come up when I discuss bug out bags.

Do I need a bug out bag?

If you were reading earlier then you already know that answer to this but the question comes up so often that Im going to touch on it again. A bug out bag should be the foundation that all your other bug out plans grow from. Its the one thing that will always go with you when you bug out, so yes, you really do need one.

How long should a bug out bag last?

Youve probably heard of a bug out bag referred to as a 72-hour kit or 72-hour bag. Does that mean that you should pack for three days? Not necessarily.

Your bug out bag needs to get you from your home to your bug out location on foot. Whatever that time is, then thats how long it needs to last. There is no cut and dry answer thats going to fit everyone.

I like to have a minimal amount of food to last the entire trip and water for the first day or so with a water filter so I can collect more water on the trip. Water is really heavy, so carrying a weeks worth of water just really isnt possible.

What should be in your bug out bag?

The minimum you need to pack in a bug out bag is water, food, shelter, and a first aid kit. There are all kinds of other things that make sense to pack in a bug out bag, but thats beyond the scope of this article. If youre interested in bug out bag ideas I suggest you read this article.

How heavy should a bug out bag be?

I try to get my bug out bag to weigh around 25 lbs. If you go over that its okay but you have to be aware that each pound you add is going to make each step you take all that much more difficult.

When you start getting over 35 lbs you really need to think about what youre taking. Is everything an absolute necessity?

Your bug out bag should keep you alive until you get to your bug out location. It doesnt need to keep you comfortable!

Bug Out Locations

A bug out location is the place that you plan to take your family when you make the decision to bug out. If you have every other part of your bug out plan in place but you dont have a bug out location, then you really dont have a plan at all! Packing everything up and running out of the house with nowhere to go really isnt a plan and couple be disastrous for you and your family.

The good thing is you dont need to buy some piece of property in the mountains to have a bug out location. You can make plans with a family member to go to their property if something goes wrong where you live and they can come to you if something goes wrong there.

If you dont have a family then you can go to a close friends house or even a secluded tract of public land.

With all other things being equal, this is the list of bug out locations in order of desirability:

Land that you own

Property owned by a family member

Property owned by a friend

Secluded public land

Your bug out location needs to be able to support you and your family when you arrive so youll need to preposition food, water, and everything else youll need when you get there. If youre going to a friend or family members house, have them mark and store your food and water for you.

If youre going to try to use public land, which I dont recommend unless its your only option, youre going to want to cache food and water in a way that other people wont find it.

What to Look for in a Bug Out Location

Ideally, youre going to want to go somewhere with a low population, that can support you and your family. You should look for land with trees, wildlife, water, and shelter.

Areas that have extreme weather like hurricanes, floods, tornadoes, and draughts should be avoided if you can. Extremes in temperature also make the area less desirable.

What to look for in a bug out location:

Mild temps

No extreme weather

Low population

Abundant trees, wildlife, and water

An area that is easily defensible

Doesnt stand out from a commonly traveled roadway

If you live in the U.S. then youre lucky! There are a ton of great areas to bug out to.

Good places to look for bug out locations in the U.S.:

The pacific northwest

The Appalachian mountains

Much of the central plains states

Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama and southern Georgia

This is just a quick assessment of the country. You can find a good bug out location pretty much anywhere.

Getting to Your Bug Out Location

After you have a bug out location you need to plan the route that youre going to take to get there. Youre actually going to need several routes planned out.

The main route that you choose should be the easiest and fastest route to your bug out location. Its probably the way that you normally drive there.

Your secondary route should still be pretty direct, but it should take you around areas that may be compromised in the event of a disaster. Go around high crime areas, gang areas, population centers, etc. All of these could get bad in a disaster.

Be creative when youre planning your routes. If youre going to travel on a highway, what happens if that highway is gridlocked?

When youre planning your alternate routes (especially your walking route) look to see if there are man-made paths that you can use. Train tracks or easements cut under high tension power lines can make travel easier than trying to cut through a densely forested area.

Mark everything thats important on hard copy maps. Either print them out or buy them online and keep them with your bug out bag.

I like Rand McNally road atlases and state maps, but you can use any type of map that you prefer.

What to mark on your maps:

The main driving route to your bug out location

The secondary driving route to your bug out location

The main walking route to your bug out location

Routes to take with any alternate transportation you may use (bikes, horseback, motorcycle, dirtbike, etc.)

Areas where you can get more water (lakes, rivers, streams)

Gas stations/stores

Areas where you can find food (fruit trees/bushes, etc.)

Chokepoints (areas that force you to travel through them)

Hazard areas (known gang areas, high crime areas, etc.)

Bug Out Vehicles

There is always a lot of talk about bug out vehicles in the preparedness community. The truth is any vehicle that you have is a bug out vehicle.

You should take all of your vehicles when you bug out unless theres a specific reason not to. This makes it less likely that youll end up stuck on the side of the road if one vehicle breaks down and it also lets you carry a lot more gear.

Obviously, trucks with 4 wheel drive capability and more cargo capacity are better but if you just have a couple of Toyota Camrys you should still take them.

Bug Out Trailers

A trailer gives you a lot more cargo room and smaller cargo trailers can even be pulled by cars if you have a trailer hitch.

I like the idea of having a cargo trailer loaded all the time and ready to go. (I havent done it yet though.) You can pack it with food, water and whatever else you want, then just hook up and drive away if things get bad.

Roof Racks

Roof racks can hold a lot of gear and theyre not nearly as expensive as a trailer. The main drawback of a roof rack is that you cant really have it preloaded like a trailer unless you have it loaded out all the time.

Bikes

Mountain bikes make a great bug out vehicle and theyre a really good way to get around that doesnt need fuel. Consider taking mountain bikes if the roads are (or could be) packed with traffic. The later youre able to get on the road during a bug out, the more likely that youre going to hit traffic from other families trying to do the same thing.

Weapons While Bugging Out

Being able to defend yourself while youre bugging out is obviously extremely important. The areas in-between the place youre bugging out from and your bug out location could be more dangerous than you originally planned for. The same disaster causing you to bug out may have already hit those areas throwing them into chaos.

At a minimum, each adult should have a rifle and be able to use it effectively. If you have children that are old enough to use a rifle, then they should have one as well.

That probably seems a little extreme to some people, but it really isnt. Ideally, no one will even have to touch their weapons and everything will go smoothly. Unfortunately, we cant just plan for the best-case scenario and hope everything goes well. We need to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Types of Weapons for Bugging Out

Having a rifle is critical. Im of the opinion that you should have an AR-15 or an AK-47 style rifle for everyone in your family or group that can use one. You should also choose one or the other and stick to it. This means that you will all use the same magazines and ammo, and should be able to use the same spare parts if someones weapon goes down.

If you have a pistol to bring with you then you should take that with you as well. A pistol gives you more options when youre bugging out. If you dont want to be seen with a rifle, you can still conceal the pistol and be armed in areas where a rifle would draw unwanted attention from crowds or law enforcement.

Other Things to Consider When Bugging Out With Weapons

A rifle is way more effective than a pistol, period. There are almost no situations where youre better off with a pistol over a rifle. You should always plan to take a rifle with you if its at all possible.

Weapons can draw a lot of attention in populated areas. If youre bugging out from a city you may want to keep your rifle tucked away until you need it or you get far enough away from people that you can start carrying it in the open.

In the past, some areas have declared a state of emergency and used that to confiscate weapons from civilians. In the U.S. this is unconstitutional (making it illegal) but it didnt stop it from happening in the past. In a state of emergency, you may have manned checkpoints that you need to get through so plan accordingly.

Always avoid confrontation if you can. Avoid crowds, dont get into verbal altercations, and definitely dont start fights. Even a minor wound can be life-threatening if you get into a firefight while bugging out.

Bug Out Plan

Bugging out starts a long time before youre actually packing your gear into the car and getting out of town with the family. You should plan your bug out ahead of time so each step of the process goes as smoothly as possible. Its not the time to figure out what you need to take and where youre going while a massive hurricane is bearing down on you.

We all have to understand that the ideal situation often isnt reality. When we plan our bug out, we need to make changes based on what we can afford and the reality of our own situations.

The good thing is that with enough planning and forethought just about anyone can put together a bug out plan that will be successful and not break the bank.

Choose the event or events that will make you bug out and stick to it. If you dont leave when youve decided to, you probably never will. Dont change your mind at the last minute.

Before You Need to Bug Out

Everything up until now has all been part of your bug out preplanning, but theres still some more planning that needs to be done.

Your bug out bag is the minimum that youll take with you when youre bugging out, but if youre driving and have time to load out your vehicle, you should pack as much as you can into it. Everything that you can take will make your life at your bug out location a little better.

Pack the most important items first with the least important items toward the outside so you can reach them easily to get rid of them if you need to make room.

Additional items to pack when bugging out:

Food

Water

Blankets

Sleeping bags

Important documents

Extra ammo

Water Filter

Firestarter

Flashlight and Batteries

First Aid Kit

Warm Clothing

Tarp

Knives

If its at all possible, you should have as much gear packed up and ready to go all the time. For most of us, its probably not possible but packing up what you can and having a good list of the things that you cant keep packed up will make getting everything into your car a lot faster. If you have everything on a list, itll also keep you from forgetting anything when the situation is stressful.

The Last-Minute/No Notice Bug Out

In a last-minute/no notice bug out situation, something has happened that requires you to leave your home immediately. This could be anything from an unforeseen natural disaster to spontaneous social unrest that puts you and your family in danger.

This is the worst-case scenario but also the easiest to plan for.

Actions to take:

Load your bug out bags into your vehicle

Load up your family

Leave ASAP and head toward your bug out location

Bugging Out With a Few Hours Notice

Bugging out with a couple of hours notice is the scenario that I see as the most likely to occur. In this scenario, you can foresee a disaster starting in the next couple of hours and decide you need to bug out.

Actions to take:

Load your bug out bags into your vehicle

Load up any pre-staged food, water, and other gear

Go down your list of other things to take and pack as much as you can

Leave as soon as you can to beat any other people that have the same idea

Bugging Out With a Couple of Days or More to Prepare

I see this scenario playing out if you have your ear to the ground and really know whats going on with local weather or world events. Most of us will still miss the signs but you may get lucky and see something coming.

Consider renting a U-haul truck or trailer if you think something is going to happen in a couple of days. It sounds a little crazy, but if youre sure something is about to happen, then renting a large vehicle that can carry a lot of gear may make sense.

Actions to take:

Load your bug out bags into your vehicle

Load up most of your pre-staged food and water

Start getting your list of items together and position them near the door or in the garage where they can be loaded quickly

Continue going to work and school normally while you wait to see what happens

Make plans for everyone to get home as soon as possible if needed

Leave as soon as you see the situation deteriorating

Conclusion

Bugging out should be one of your last options when a disaster strikes, but you should know how to bug out and how to do it effectively and safely.

Plan before a disaster ever threatens your home. Start by finding a bug out location and building a bug out bag. Map out your routes to your bug out location and mark any locations of interest.

Decide whats going to make you bug out and stick to it! Dont second guess yourself when youre under stress.

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/bugging-out-what-it-means-how-to-plan-for-it-and-when-to-leave

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whatsthesquarerootofshoe · 7 years ago

Text

Dances with Creaturestuck AUs

Trizza sat in the middle of her bed, playing on her phone. She was alone, having remembered her old apartment and choosing to go back there for the remainder of her stay on Earth. She was tired of the old woman, of Meenah's people coming and going, of Meenah, of the beach house...everything. She couldn't stand Earth. She missed home, back on Alternia, in that lonely little room she was hardly allowed to leave and no one else entered.

A notification popped up. 'Happy birthday to you, from Frondlr!'. She sighed. "Oh yeah," she muttered to herself, laying back. "My wiggling day..." The woman rolled over. It was just like the rest of them. Alone, sitting in her room, playing on her phone. Talking to no one, thinking about nothing. Sure, she had a blog now, and a bunch of people she could text, but who cared? That was all Earth stuff. She wanted her old Alternian life back. The one where she was content to have nothing and no one.

But no, she had to stay on this stupid planet until she was fully recovered. Would she ever fully recover? Maybe the whole 'until recovery' ploy was just to keep her on Earth. Either way, she felt it was the worst time of her life. She didn't need friends or good familial relationships. She just needed her average royal life cooped up in her room and eating whatever disgusting slop they left at her door to ingest.

There was a knock at the door. She sighed, getting up and opening it. At her feet was a package. Unmarked. She picked it up and inspected it. Was it a bomb? She hadn't ordered anything - she didn't even know the address to do so. Who knew her address? She brought the package inside and shut the door behind her, trying to figure out what it was. The woman was unsuccessful, so she decided to open it.

A wrapped box was inside, tied with a bow. She scratched her head. A present? What for? Tearing into the box, she found a card. 'happy wiggling day, trizza!' That handwriting. The old lady? Why would that old hag have cared to do anything for her, when she was such a horrible person to her? And why would she know what a wiggling day was, let alone when hers was? She tore further into the box.

An empty photo album and a polaroid camera. A note written in the cover. 'until youve got the old ones back, lets make new memories! -gran' She rolled her eyes. The bitch wasn't wrong for sending this box. She did really like taking pictures, and it was a really nice camera. But she couldn't just leave things as is. It was a nice gift - she had to say thanks. And she was lonely, as well as the current owner of one of those buttons...

Grandma was sweeping the porch off when she heard a quiet voice behind her. "Thanks..." She turned around, smiling at Trizza. It was so nice to get an actual polite word or two out of the girl for once. "youre very welcome! now how about you use your new camera, huh?"

"Sure." She turned around and stepped next to grandma, pointing the camera at herself and snapping a quick selfie of the two of them.

#Creaturestuck #AU #Happy Birthday to Me

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not-tryin-2-have-a-debate · 7 years ago

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part 2 poetic waxing

i keep getting really mad at my ex the second i realize i was thinking something thats not real

because to the best of my knowledge she read this blog and heard me talk about my expiriences for so long and then she,,,,completely misunderstood them and tried to replicate them in a way that doesnt. make sense. and isnt what this is. and im still hoenstly really offended by that because wow. and i just wanna say like. especially since this blog is pretty much entirely Unseen now

im still terrified to recognize myself as psychotic

i dont want to be psychotic

im afraid to talk about it with my doctor or even touch on the symptoms and eps of it and im terrified to get put on pills for it and its a shit show

i think with the people im closest to i try to normalize the idea of being that way with myself

and i pretend the idea of being psychotic doesnt terrify me and say it freely because its not going away and im scared and i need to learn to not be so scared if im going to deal with it in any capacity i need to be able to recognize it

it was a long process.

i didnt start being that way overnight and i didnt recognize it until way after it started

and its not just 1 thing

to me the embodiment of it and the whole problem is that youre just constantly trying to figure out whats real and whats going on like your being hit on all sides

id describe my perception of and ability to perceive reality as a wall thats always being eroded down but can also have parts break off or have holes blown in it at any second...and im constantly trying to build the wall back up and reinforce it and repair it. but i usually dont have a fully formed wall and even if i got there id only be able to maintain it for so long until half of it got blown up again. etc etc wall metaphor if i leave it itll just fuckin collapse entirely

but yeah yknow like.

a delusion isnt just ‘when you think something that isn’t real.’

and like not to dip a bit too much into tumblr vocab and context or whatever but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the way Neurotypicals take symptom descriptions at total face value is...tiring. idk how else to describe it. theres so much context missing.

these symptoms for me started up when i was a kid and got worse.

it was because i have so much family history with this shit that i finally noticed it and compared and recognized the beginning to get worse problem

because ive seen it in my brother and my uncle and my grandma and my family for years and i know it up close and personally

i dont just have some kind of kooky thoughts that i recognize arent real while im having them. my ability to do that at all came with practice and time and repitition.

i dont know when im not dreaming.i see and feel things that arent there.

i think thoughts that i cant recognize as mine and are usually a bunch of nonsense word salad shit.

i have real prolonged trouble recognizing myself as a human being thats physical and has human limits.

i have toruble percieving the present. i have trouble remembering the past.

i constantly really for real feel like ive seen this before.

every time i have deja vu i like have a whoel fuckign Moment lmao

i assume people think the worst of me and want to hurt me.

i assume the end of the world is happening out of nowhere and i really think its happening.

i think God is trying to punish me.

I think spirits are coming after me.

I really believe it.

I spend my day crying and panicking and hiding from shit that isnt real.

i convince myself my whole life is some kind of divine punishment.

its on top of that and

its after years of that

and years of seeing family members older than me and farther into it than me degrading at the same time

that i think some dumb shit and immediately catch myself

or that i think im getting psychic messages and can immediately be like ‘ok calm down’

its because im trying to convince myself im NOT like a psychic prophet and ive been able to recognize it before that i can see a message for what it is and recognize what im doing

its bc ive corroborated the expirience with my brother after doing it for years and years already

i didnt wake up one day and start thinking i was a prophet but also recognizing thats crazy yknow

i thought i was a prophet and then as i grew up i started realizing that it was crazy because i found resources and saw what my family was going through and got so sick of the worst parts and thought something had to be wrong with that picture

and even then the messages arent a delusion

having dejavu and being suspicious of it isnt a delusion

wishing something was true isnt a delusion

believing in gods and spirits and weird reincarnation stuff isnt a delusion

they’re parts of a whole and thats only a few of the parts

like an example of levels

really liking a celebrity isnt psychotic

wishing you were married isnt psychoticdaydreaming about being married to them isnt psychotic

imagining they’re talking to you or they’re addressing something in an interview to you isn’t psychotic, in and of itself (imagining the message but also kind of beliving it also isn’t )

actually beliving they’re addressing you in an interview or something isn’t a delusion, and though its like Psychotically-associated isnt An Automatic Sticker Of Psychosis slapped on your forehead

forgetting you aren’t acutally married sometimes isn’t a delusion.actually beliving you’re married to them is a delusion.

you won’t be able to recognize it as that until later.

the other behaviors, for you, since youre having a delusion, will come off of that.

someone non-delusional who really loved to dream about it might convince themselves into some magical thinking about the celebrity.

for you though, its because you’re married. you’re literally actually married so of course they’re leaving little hints for you! you never get to see each other!

you rationalize it.

because you believe it and having someone put a crack in things you believe in is scary for anyone.

i mean especially wow if someone told you were werent actually married to your spouse and didn’t even know them? they didn’t even know youre name or that you existed? that would be horrifying. of course youd come up with rationalizations.

and that delusion probably started because you really liked them and because you were lonely. but also because youve been having some issues and either are psychotic, were developing psychotic symptoms, or like Had The Propensity To Be Psychotic in general yknow like. the seeds were there or you were already living life as a psychotic tree and this was just a new branch.

after a while they might start to get it.

they might start poking holes in there own reasoning and being brave enough to follow that path.

and hopefully from there theyll get to the still-beleving-it-but-also-recognizing-its-’fake’ stage.

there are a lot of reasons i dont want to be psychotic.

no one should want to be.

anyone who says they want to be is either someone who’s a disgusting creep thinking other peoples crisises are some hot edgy mysterious shit OR theyre a psychotic person trying to humor themselves and be okay with themselves.

and you should be ok with yourself but that shouldnt replace wanting to improve and manage that really scary world-ending parts of shit.thats a whole other topic though

i dont want to be psychotic because im terrified of slowly loosing my mind. thats a freaky prospect that no one should really want. i only want that when im suicidal and wish i just didnt have a mind to think with at all kind of shit.

i dont want to be psychotic because i dont want to keep having these episodes and seeing this shit and thinking this shit. a lot of it is absolutely terrifying. other things are less active but like...i wish i could trust anyone ever. i wish i could trust my own judgement. i wish i didn’t get obsessive and weird about contamination and not be able to eat food or need to contain myself from freaking out if certain people touch me. that shit isnt cowering from God under a desk but its annoying and i don’t want to be doing it. i wish i could stop doing it.

i don’t want to be psychotic because once youve had it confirmed that you believe things that arent real that makes it just that much harder to trust literally anything you think.i have to check everything with people because what if im wrong or assuming or jsut being crazy or i thought something up that isnt true.and we all seem to have an amazing knack for like doign that whenever we were actually with reality, and forgetting to do it when we do actually have something a little confused lol. maybe thats subconscious.

i dont wanna be psychotic because i want some things to be true!! you know!! and learnign they arent is, again, confusing and really scary. no matter what it is. but if its something that you like or that brings you some kinda positive shit then thats even worse to have taken away and have be a lie. and even worse a Crazy Lie.

i don’t know how much of my religious views to trust and thinking that anything i believe in or think is up for questioning brings up a whole lot of good things that i dont want to be up for questioning.part of the reason im scared to go on meds is because im really worried some good things will turn out fake and go away.

im worried about what all could just like...dissappear. what if the whole world changed. what if im wrong about more than i thought or something that id never even considered.

like.....im out of steam now but.

yeah. idk

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