#for trusting me with Ilya

[notlayingroses]

honestly the one of the things that makes me the most sad about this hockey romance / booktok drama is that now so many hockey fans have a negative impression of hockey romances and sports romances. There are so, so many wonderful, queer romances out there that are doing wonderful, nuanced, and intentional things within the sports romance genre, and I hate that now people are looking down on them.

Here's some reasons that I love sports romances:

It’s a celebrity romance, but more of a niche celebrity romance. This isn’t a Hollywood super star that everyone in the world knows their name, BUT they often do have a dedicated fan base and are still in the public eye. It brings up really interesting discussions of fame and power and how much of yourself you keep private. So you get a lot of the good celebrity romance tropes and settings (like secret relationship, having to do interviews, traveling to new cities) but on a more niche and interesting scale

And bouncing off of that, with queer sports romances you get a lot of really interesting discussions of coming out, how you present your queerness to the world, how much of yourself is “owed” to the people around you vs yourself, which is very interesting when explored through a sports culture lense and I really enjoy the discussions of queer identity, culture, and community that come out of it. And particularly if it a romance between two players, there's a lot of really interesting queer nuances to explore

There are so many different pairings that can happen, but most of them kind of boil down to player/player, player/sports professional, player/normie, and each of these dynamics are interesting to me every time, especially when exploring teammate dynamics! And exploring how fame affects each of these things!

Found family! Your team is your family! And everyone has silly nicknames and rituals with each other and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy

With every romance, you pretty much know that it’s gonna end with a Happily Ever After, which is why we love the genre. But sometimes that can take the “surprise” out of a romance and its structure. Within sports romances, you don’t know how the game is going to go! They could win! They could lose! That affects the characters either way! And there’s been several sports romances that had me on the edge of my seat cause I genuinely had no idea which way the championship game was gonna go! I like that extra plot element to keep things interesting 

I also like it when you can tell the author is a big fan of their sport, and even if EYE don’t know anything about the sport, they’re generally good at writing things in a makes sense and makes the action interesting and keeps me hooked. It’s also just nice to step into the world the author loves!

Genuinely I just think that queer sports romances are doing so many interesting things, and have such interesting niches and nuances to the stories they’re telling! And they should not be looked down upon by hockey fans OR romance fans who have witnessed this booktok drama go down and now don’t want to touch hockey romances with a ten foot pole.

Here are some of the queer sports romances I recommend for anyone who wants to get into the genre:

[morgana-ren]

What are some things that Ilya is willing to compromise on if his darling is able to convey that she’s hurting because of him (obviously) but also stopping his own chance for happiness?

Well, there's a lot to try and compromise on. There's his obvious sadism, but truthfully, that will (sort of) decline with time-- insofar as that he won't seriously hurt you for his own amusement. Not like he's stabbing you in the gut or anything, but uh-- you know.

Horrible things get him off, same as most of the lads. He doesn't care much for consent or boundaries. He enjoys crying and begging. He wants to be the one in power and is willing to do terrible things to keep that power. He likes bruises and blood and all sorts of degenerate shit. But same as with Nighty and Reaves and the rest of the lads, the more he cares, the softer he becomes. Horrid shit still gets him off, yes, but there will be a little more give and take.

Ilya is fully willing and capable of giving pleasure -- more so than Nighty, actually -- and you'll notice a difference. He won't do it just to fuck with you. He will do it because he wants to.

The biggest issue is his emotional unavailability, honestly. Even more than his sadism.

Ilya is cold, cool, and calculated. He was raised very differently, and even his ideas of ideal love are challenged in his own mind. It's remarkably hard for him to be available in any capacity that would be expected from an actual lover. He never had a good frame of reference. He watched his mama play his father like a puppet on a string. He watched his father be distant and cold to all his children and wives. He has nothing good to draw on when it comes to love.

He's never been emotionally vulnerable before. He's never shown that he cared or put himself in a position where he might be rejected. He took what he wanted and walked away when he didn't anymore.

When you choose to be with him, no matter how you may have started, you'll notice that he's quite.. distant. He always has this aura of aloofness. It might've been a relief at first, but when you're trying to break through to him? Not so great. His demeanor is always very chilled, and calm, and almost creepy. No matter how upset you might get, he's just going to blink snake-like eyes at you slowly, and occasionally give you an absolutely infuriating small smile. He will shrug you off while lounging in a chair like the king of fucking England, and it will feel like you are talking to a pretty wall.

The hard part is he does love, and he can care so much. But he literally has no idea how to show it. He is the literal emotional embodiment of a shrug and a chuckle.

When he thinks he's losing you, he will simply coil tighter around you. Remember, leaving isn't an option. His first line of thought isn't 'Oh hells, I'm doing something wrong.' It's 'They aren't going anywhere.'

But if you level with him and tell him that this (being his invulnerability, and not just his presence) is hurting you, it's going to... confuse him. He literally won't realize what he's doing or what is happening.

Ilya has... issues. He has anger issues, abandonment issues, basically there's a list. How he copes with those issues is by keeping a tyrannical rein-in on his emotions. What that means is no vulnerability. No shows of love outside of small, distant gestures like gifts, nothing real. Because if it's real, he has to work at it. Because if it's real, that means he can lose it.

Look, he's a broken basketcase to be sure. But with a lot of patience (and I do mean a lot of patience) you can make him realize that if he wants a real love, he has to fucking earn that by being in a real love. He can't separate himself from it and still have what he wants. Even if you ignore it and pretend it doesn't bother you, he's eventually going to catch on that something isn't right.

I hate to say it, but basically, he is going to have to be fixed, and even then, he is still going to be busted as fuck. You can take his hand and lead him through it, if you know how to. You're going to have to make him understand that he cannot have the benefits of vulnerability without being vulnerable. If he wants love and a family, he has to let his guard down. He has to be willing to grieve, and hurt, and feel.

And feeling is what he avoids most in the world. Even when he is feeling.

[cheriafreya]

my brain at 4am: holy shit HSR x Fate Stay Night collab next year.......

[ririarts]

Dolce, but if the policemen had arrived too late. Trust me I'm fun at parties.

.

.

Reference painting: Ivan the Terrible and His Son Ivan on 16 November 1581 by Ilya Repin, 1883-1885

[murasaki-cha]

Ok I've been thinking about this the whole day and I'm gonna post some of my Fearless predictions and come April I'll see if Apollo has bestowed upon me the gift of prophecy

Kai will be working together with Lenny to investigate the healers and get evidence that the Ordinary disease is fake while Paedyn spies on Kitt.

Kitt will actually be an evil king next book but that's because of Calum's manipulation while Paedyn will try to open his eyes to the truth.

Paedyn denying her engagement with Kitt, denying him as a lover or whatever sick punishment he's trying to give to Paedyn through this engagement but still trying to convince him that she really considered him a friend and a future king she could trust.

Kai will try to keep his distance from Paedyn and Kitt because he wants to keep Paedyn safe but Paedyn won't let him. I hope we get a parallel to the “No, I’m sick of running. And I won’t spend the rest of my life doing it unless it’s you I’m running back to.” line with Paedyn telling Kitt she's still running and Kai overhearing this.

Calum gets revealed as an evil mastermind that has been playing both sides, the Resistance and Ilya and also manipulating Kitt.

Paedyn going to Ava's tree to talk to her.

Paedyn visiting Adena's grave.

Paedyn killing Blair (this is more of a desire honestly).

Paedyn and Kai get secretly married. Ok I know a wild one BUT imagine Paedyn and Kai sneaking during the night in the gardens where they almost kissed and reciting wedding vows to each other promising themselves to the other with the stars as their witness.

Paedyn meeting Mak. I need it. I need it so badly you don't understand.

Kitt in the end fighting alongside Paedyn and Kai and realising he is not lacking, he is not unloved and he is not alone.

[soracities]

Hey I hope this is okay to ask, what are some lines you would have as wall posters?

I'm trying to design some for my room and I would like to have something on being human, being kind and the beauty of the world, if you already have done something similar could I have the link? Thank you🌻

oh this is genuinely one of my favourite things to do, a small selection of faves💗:

"Hope is a muscle" (Bjork)

“The love of our neighbor in all its fullness simply means being able to say to him: “What are you going through?” (Simone Weil)

"I did not come into this world to be comforted. I came, like red bird, to sing." (Mary Oliver)

"You are not broken, you are young and learning how to live." (Heather Havrilesky)

"The most beautiful part of your body is where it's headed. & remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world." (Ocean Vuong)

I don’t know where I get the courage to keep on living in the midst of these ruins. Let us love each other to the end." (George Sand)

"That in man which cannot be domesticated is not his evil but his goodness." (Antonio Porchia)

"No surprise that danger and suffering surrounds us, what astonishes is the singing." (Jack Gilbert)

"If you will grant me one vivid morning I can chain myself to it for fifty years." (William Stafford)

"Yes everybody's dying / to be someone else)But / i'll live my life if it kills me" (e.e. cummings)

"It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world" (Mary Oliver)

"Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time." (Maya Angelou)

"Is it foolish to speak of little joys that occur in the middle of tragedy? It is our humanity. Whatever we have left of it. We must not deny it to ourselves." (Ilya Kaminsky)

"This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful." (Maggie Smith)

“Kindness, kindness, kindness. I want to make a New Year’s prayer, not a resolution. I’m praying for courage.” (Susan Sontag)

"A loveless world is a dead world." (Albert Camus)

"I still feel like the world is a piece of bread, I’m holding out half to you.” (Eileen Myles)

"You’re on earth, there’s no cure for that!...Get out of here and love one another!" (Samuel Beckett)

"We shall inflict hope. We shall inflict life." (Paul Eluard)

"We’ve come this far, survived this much. What would happen if we decided to survive more? To love harder?” (Ada Limón)

"what does it all come down to? love? Love." (e.e. cummings)

"Listen I love you joy is coming." (Kim Addonizio)

[uneednotknow]

So I was thinking

Vaughn Morozov and Maya Sokolov being good friends? Close friends? Best friends even?

Maya find comfort in Vaughn, he is a younger brother to her.

A brother she never had, infact.

Her and Mia are best friends, sure. But so is Vaughn.

Maya and Vaughn got closer after playing and growing up with each other. He listened to her. Advised her. Taught her academic lessons though he is a year younger than her.

Sure, he and Niko are also close friends but his friendship with Maya runs deeper compared to the one with Niko and Mia.

To him, she is a sister he never had.

She started falling Ilya? Yeah, she told Vaughn first(after much contemplation). I mean, it was hard to hide anything from him, he is like a human scanner- easily scanning and eradicating lies and acts.

She needs a someone to accompany her, for her hobbies like cafe hopping, buying new clothes, skincare and makeups- Vaughn only answers with a sigh and grab his car keys.

One night, after she went to UK for college and he is still in the US completing his high school, he gets a call from Maya. Before he could greet her or say anything he hears her sniffles and simply says "Let it out. You have me." That call lasted for a good hour with half of the time crying (her recurring guilt eating her inside out because of the "sin" She committed when she was 8, he didn't know that yet he was still there.)

True to his words. She had him. She always will.

When he visited UK for the Initiation, he had a long "sparring session" with Ilya, they spend almost 3 hours inside the boxing ring- interrogating him and his ability, his honesty, his sincerity and his loyalty towards his sister/friend, Maya.

If they were going to date, Vaughn was gonna make sure Ilya knew what he is getting into, that his wrong move will only result in a decade hunt for his missing body.

He understood why she fell of him, with all her public airings about going to marry into a rich family, he got that it was faux attitude. Deep down, she simply craved for genuine love and care, a home she could call her own, be herself. She preferred the calm gray of a simple and level headed man like Ilya than the extravagant blacks and whites of the Bratvas.

Vaughn sees right through anyone, Maya was no exception. He couldn't tell exactly what was bothering her, eating her alive but he knew there was more to her than her diva personality.

He knows that though that is her, it is just a fraction of who Maya is.

He knows that besides the micro skirts and tops that she loves to wear, she equally loves the sweatpants, jeans, sweatshirts and hoodies that she wears only when she is in the comfort of her home.

He knows she likes makeups and skincare but equally likes the Marvel Comics that she has a secret collections of beneath all those fashion magazines, or perhaps she prefers the latter more. She just don't wanna be seen as a comic nerd.

He knows that she likes this one indie band, not much known by people. And that is why he suddenly called her one evening when she was back in US for holidays, to go to that band's concert.

Who is that girl with Vaughn, she wonders, walking side by side towards her, the girl rolled her eyes at something he said whilst he simply looked at her, with amusement, and something more, Maya couldnt point out what

. Soon, she finds out that girl with Vaughn is also a fan of that band and he had somehow convinced her to come to the concert with a promise that it won't be just him and her.

She made a new friend that night, though they never got to exchange numbers.

He knows that she wants to open a small comic story, maybe a pop-up store along with it, and he is ready to help her. Though he still makes fun of her about her reaction when he caught her buying the comics like it was illegal substance and the fright she had when he walked up to her in the bookstore, trying to deny and make up an excuse.

Trusting him, she bashfully told him about wanting to open her own store and having her own brand of comics, illustrating comics from small artists who deserved recognition.

But he sees right through her, doesn't he? He doesn't make a big deal out of it and keeps it hush from everyone else like she asks him to.

When the "big reveal" about the kidnapping came to light and she felt like she was done for and abandoned, she thought she lost it all. Her sister, her brother, her mom and dad, her friends, her boyfriend- ex-boyfriend at that time. He was there for her.

She expected to see the same look of disappointment and abhorrence in his eyes but there was none of that. Rather, he still looked at her the same way he does to everyone- hazel eyes with not a swirl of emotion behind it.

He still treated her the same way he did before.

He offered her to tell him the entire thing without any lie, just honesty. And she did.

Maya felt like a whole weight lifted off her shoulders, so she asked him to help her, tell her what to do to be free. To be liked by people around her again, but this time genuinely.

When no one understood her, he listened to her.

When her tangled thoughts got the best of her, he calmed her down.

It annoyed him to the core that the people around her have decided to be a bunch of idiotic hypocrites who can't put themselves in her shoes, not understanding why she had to keep quiet for so long, not understanding that she herself was tortured by the kidnappers emotionally, not understanding that she was scared to lose what she have- her family.

But Vaughn was determined to be a good friend, a good brother to her. He visited her, though she screamed at him to go away. He encouraged her to get psychiatric help for her trauma, though she felt like she deserved all the bad things happening to her.

He let her know that he is there for her.

When she said she wanted to move somewhere they couldn't find her, he helped her do so. With a promise that she would be honest with her updates to him. Oh and along with Ilya.

To Maya, the girl who never had anything of her own. The lonely girl who despite all her acts of being high and mighty, was a scared child who took everything that was available to fill up the cracks of guilt and agony.

The girl who, despite all her efforts to make people like her the way she was, had to put up an act that she is above all of them so that if they already hate her, it won't hurt her when one day, she is left all alone.

So he let her do what she wanted.

This would be until she is in a much stable condition in life.

Vaughn could see the better future for her. He saw that despite being ostracized by her own family she is finally free. Finally becoming the Maya Sokolov without hiding any parts of herself.

And Vaughn only felt proud about the person Maya is going to become.

[amphorographia]

Something interesting about Pathologic that I don't see people talk about very often is the fact that technically none of the protagonists are doctors and, of the three, it's actually Artemy that's the closest to a real physician.

The fact that Daniil is specifically referred to as a "Bachelor" of medicine is something that was always sort of confusing to me but is actually extremely telling when put together with all the other details we get about him.

There's an excellent video essay about Daniil's character by Horror Game Analysis which goes into more detail about this [x], but he points out two things about thanatology that I think are really significant:

It was first conceptualised as a field of study in 1903 by Ilya Mechnikov, a Russian-Ukranian immunologist and microbiologist, who felt that there was not enough known about the phenomenon of death itself; and

Thanatology straddles the line between the humanities and the sciences because it's investigations grapple with the physical, psychological, socio-cultural, philosophical, and spiritual elements of death

With all that in mind and Pathologic's ambiguous time period, Daniil could very much be read as the in-game world's equivalent of Mechnikov. Despite his (sort of) alignment with the philosophically-minded Kains, Daniil is consistently shown to be very much focused on the physical components of death. He came to the town hoping that "[Simon's] tissues will help [him] defeat death." Rubin, Artemy, Victor (and Lara, Yulia, Aspity, Anna, and Clara) all need him to collect and examine blood samples for evidence of the disease. Once the plague begins, his focus in on the creation of a vaccine - a tool for immunisation - instead of a cure.

All of the evidence points to Daniil, at his core, being a microbiologist and researcher. His medical knowledge, while far above average, is highly specialised and doesn't indicate that he has any practical experience as a physician. He's not a doctor, he's a bachelor of medicine using his theoretical and academic expertise to fight an impossible disease in the only way he knows.

Now, Artemy does have some practical knowledge. Isidor taught him about the traditional medicine of the town while he was growing up before sending him to "study modern medicine in the academy" when he was 16. However, in his opening description, all we are told is that Artemy is returning from several years of "travelling from town to town learning theoretical and pratical surgery." In Pathologic Classic, Artemy is canonically 26 years old so if he spent 6-7 years travelling, his formal medical education was likely either short or incomplete. Not to mention that the emphasis on Artemy as a surgeon and menkhu (much like Daniil as a bachelor and thanatologist) implies a very specialised area of expertise which, although closely related to practical medicine, is not the same thing.

This is reinforced in a number of ways. For example, while there are multiple dialogue options which let you dismiss the town's local medical practices, they appear mostly (or only) in conversations with outsiders - responding to Daniil's admission of underestimating the value of "steppe medical knowledge" with "there's nothing medical in their knowledge" and telling Block that he has "an education in the civilized world and ha[s] forgotten two thirds of the specific local practices." Ultimately, Artemy is more consistently aligned with the Kin's more bodily approach to medicine. That distinction between Kin and Town is important, since the traditional medicines Artemy makes are not valued or trusted by townspeople and the kin refuse almost all of the modern medicine (specifically antibiotics) sold in the town.

He also seems to be either unfamiliar or seriously out of practice with the more formal language of science and medicine a university-educated physician should know. At several points, Artemy is shown to be dependent on Daniil's medical knowledge, and various members of the town poke fun at him for asking clarifying questions - Boy: "You graduated from a university and this is your question…?" Rubin: "I thought you were [away] studying." Artemy's story is about trying to fill his father's role and, while he succeeds in becoming a menkhu, his position as the town's doctor is less clearly defined even after the plague. While he begins the game with the most practical experience of the three protagonists, the fact that he's not qualified to be a physician but has to act as one is what drives his story forward.

I won't go into Clara since it's obvious she's not a doctor. If anything, she's more like a personification of a cure for this one specific disease (just like her 'twin' is the plague). She couldn't reset a bone or diognose the flu any more than she could synthesise antibiotics or distinguish between bacteria in a blood sample. Still, she's an interesting comparison point and does serve to remind the player that the protagonists don't really represent different approaches to medicine, but different approaches to healing.

The Bachelor is the modern healer of formal scientific practices who sees healing as the result of understanding the body, disease, and their interactions.

The Haruspex is the traditional healer with the spiritual or ancestral right to protected knowledge and practices who sees healing as a reflection of cultural duty, customs, and community.

The Changeling is the divine healer chosen by a Deity (or Deities) to carry out their will on earth who sees healing as an act of religious faith and demonstration of the existence and power of God(s).

[aleksanderscult]

It is also a teeny bit weird to make Zoya being prettier and thus a more ideal sun summoner be set up as thing to be proven wrong in the beginning but then Zoya actually becomes the Queen with lots of focus on how gorgeous she is and Alina fades into obscurity and wears old shawls.

I mean yeah.

Because apparently one of the messages this trilogy wanted to pass was how nothing is what it seems. Alina is not weak but very powerful, she just doesn't know it. Aleksander is not a man to be trusted but a selfish, power-hungry bastard, except Alina doesn't realize it until it was too late (*inserting dramatic tones if you didn't notice*).

Normally, Zoya wouldn't get that much spotlight. But, alas, Bardugo has said many times that she's one of her most favorite characters so she was bound to become important. A Squaller (among hundreds) became important by becoming a Saint as well.

Saints in the Grishaverse normally have very distinct, unusual powers. Alina had her light, Aleksander his shadows, Elizaveta's Materialki powers manifested themselves through her ability to control nature while Ilya didn't allow his powers to be restricted at all (he was both a Healer and a Durast as well as an inventor). Plus, they get martyred and Zoya is...well....alive.

Her push to the spotlight was, for me, too forced while, at the same time, the author tried to remove Alina's presence (as if she wasn't the main character for three books straight that the antagonist fell in love with and his plans revolved around her). Whether someone likes Alina or not, we have to admit that it's not going to be the same without her on the front. The story doesn't really make sense without her. It's like removing Harry Potter from his own books.

And it seems that whether Alina has powers or not, she stays hidden. And Zoya got what she wanted all along: the spotlight.

[steveandnatlover76]

Natasha: Now, Tati, baby girl, it‘s time to change your diaper.

Ilya: Stinky…

Natasha: Ilya, would you please get me a fresh diaper from the diaper box?

Ilya pulls a face.

Natasha: You know, I wouldn‘t ask anyone this. I trust you to make the best possible diaper choice.

Ilya checks every single diaper, compares them and finally chooses one to bring Natasha. Natasha changes the diaper.

Natasha: Ilya, solnyshko, that was an excellent diaper choice. You‘re now our official diaper expert and commissioner. Tatiana is the first one to thank you.

Ilya smiles broadly and proudly walks out of the room.

Steve *entering the room and hugging Natasha from behind*: That‘s what makes you the best mom in the world!

Natasha *chuckling*: In the universe, dorogoy!

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

how do the m6 act when they're feeling petty??? and how does mc deal with it?

The Arcana HCs: M6 being petty

~ how do I begin to say how much I love writing about these lovely characters being typically human? Thanks for the prompt anon, enjoy! - brainrot ~

Julian

He acts petty about the smaller things as a way of being silly. He can hold onto a hurt, but he prefers to deal with that stuff more directly

You see it come out the most with his younger sister Pasha

She'll be rolling her eyes at him, telling him he's an idiot and she doesn't need his help

He'll be cleaning up after dinner with her and put everything away on the top shelves

She'll get annoyed and start telling him to pull them back down for her: "I know you know what you're doing wrong, Ilya!"

"What's that? I'm just your idiot older brother, Pasha, since when do I know what I'm doing?"

"I mean it! Take them down for me now, you know I can't reach up there!"

"I thought you didn't need my help."

He'll be giving her his usual rogueish grin, casually dodging her swipes at his kneecaps as he pulls everything back down

He wants to get his point across though, so he'll use the opportunity to reorganize her kitchen while she's distracted

Now the dish towels are in the oven and the sugar and salt are mixed up. He might even dose Pepi with some catnip on the way out

Asra

For someone with such a chillaxed approach to life, they are surprisingly easy to annoy

And yes, he gets petty when he's irritated

It rarely happens with you (usually when you're trying to annoy them on purpose), and then his petty retaliation prank is just for show (or to make a gentle point)

But if it's someone being genuinely maddening, maybe a Karen in the market place or a self-important jerk cutting in line?

Barely detectable spells designed to make them question reality in a decidedly unpleasant, but harmless way

The Karen screaming about the pumpkin bread being overbaked is suddenly under a 30 minute enchantment that makes her say the opposite of what she intends to

You've never heard anyone serve compliments so angrily: "Exceptional service! This bread is flawless! You're not being unreasonable, I am!" All while slowly turning purple with rage

And oh no, look at that, the guy who shouldered his way in front of you moments ago just made a beeline for the public lavatory, almost like he has sudden diarrhea

"Oh no, MC," Asra whispers quietly in your ear, dimples dancing, "Oh nooo ..."

Nadia

She gets petty when she feels like she's been insulted or underestimated

It's not her best look, but she has a lot of pent-up resentment about feeling constantly humiliated by her older sisters

So of course, that's what she does to the unfortunate nobleman who tries to mansplain his way out of taking care of his tenants in front of her court

She'll pull out the file of information she's gathered and grill him with no mercy: "You currently own 4 properties valued at ____, correct? And you charge your tenants ____ per month?"

You watch him go pale and gulp, "er, yes, Countess. But with the rain, building costs-"

"Your maintenance to date is estimated at costing you ____, leaving over 50 separate complaints unaddressed, some of which are several years old. If my numbers are correct, (and they are always correct, nobleman) you still have _____ in profits. That should easily cover the estimated ____ required to restore acceptable living conditions. I expect to receive a glowing report from your tenants next quarter. Will there be any issues?"

She usually feels guilty afterwards, but you can't blame her. It's just so gratifying

Muriel

He can hold a grudge, but his brand of petty is hard to notice until you get to know him better

It'll only happen with people he trusts, when they do something he disapproves of

For example, the time Asra visited and decided to feed the chickens some breadcrumbs soaked in mead. Just for fun

Watching tipsy poultry stagger and drunkenly cluck around your front yard was hilarious, but also a little sad

And Muriel doesn't appreciate it when someone disrespects nature. Even Asra

He'll sulk. It's a little comedic to watch a full grown man give someone the cold shoulder and huff and stomp his way around the hut, but it's surprisingly effective

Especially when Inanna joins in, skulking by his side and shooting the occasional disdainful glare

Asra crumbles when Faust sides with them, riding on Inanna's back and blepping at her master reproachfully

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have -" *giggle* "I shouldn't have intoxicated your chickens! It was very rude of me."

Really the apology is all Muriel wants, he'll stop sulking and maybe laugh about it later

Portia

She gets petty when someone comments on an insecurity of hers without meaning to

Being the younger sister of a charismatic older brother means that she *hates* being compared to him

She'll be enjoying drinks with you one evening at the Rowdy Raven, and one of the local regulars will make the wrong comment

"Hey, it's Devorak's little sister! Look at you carrying all those drinks, I bet you can hold your liquor almost as well as he can."

Uh oh. It's on.

She'll turn, smiling sweetly, and challenge him to a drinking contest in front of the whole tavern. He'll need help getting home

She won't stop there, either. After that it's arm wrestling, darts, even an insult war in which you hear some of the most creative roasts you've ever come across

All as her Nevivon accent gets thicker and thicker, curls flying and eyes sparking with triumph as she demolishes poor fool after poor fool

She'll be embarrassed about getting so carried away the next morning while she's nursing her hangover

It's worth it because Julian is now known at the Raven as "Miss Portia's older brother"

Lucio

In the same way that he only throws his tantrums cathartically, his pettiness is his other method of handling his short temper

On one hand, you're proud of him. It's a big improvement from ordering someone's execution because he didn't like what they said about him

On the other hand, it's hard to take him seriously when his response to an unwelcome comment is to mimick it back in their faces because he can't come up with a witty comeback

He'll be passing back by a merchant he tried to haggle with earlier when their shop assistant makes a friendly jab at him

"Hey, Mr Adventurer! You back for that deal, or is it still too much?"

He'll barely miss a beat spluttering before he whirls around and responds in a squeaky mocking voice at the top of his lungs:

"Hey shopkeep! You back for that deal, or am I still too much?"

Apparently, the teenaged assistant in question is gifted in both good humor and snark. There's a crowd gathering for the free entertainment and it's fueling both of them

Neither of them seem afraid of being immature in public so you wait it out at the nearby tea stand until they're satisfied

(If you liked Lucio's part, I highly recommend the meme my lovely mutual sent me based off of it here)

[wyattjohnston]

here we are! finally with the masterlist! all the thanks in the world to the 39 people who signed up for the exchange and the lovely D who came in as my saviour and wrote a pinch hitter fic without even being signed up

please read all the fics below, so much love and care was put into them and they all deserve your attention. a reblog if you can would also be incredible.

please respect all warnings at the beginning of fics. if a fic has been marked as smut or 18+ and you are younger than, do the right thing and do not read it.

keep your eye out for the winter fic exchange 2k24 sign up post. if you want me to let you know when it's happening you can click here.

the summer fic exchange 2k23 masterlist

Buffalo Sabres

Jeff Skinner

gotta trust how you feel inside by @laurenairay for @ nhl-stories

Tyson Jost

i should've fought harder by @butgilinsky for @ typical-simplelove

a Devon Levi fic was written by @waysicouldhave for @ jackhues but they have since deactivated.

Carolina Hurricanes

Andrei Svechnikov

Every Summer Has a Story by @comphy-and-cozy for @teokka

HATE HATE HATE by @luvmmarner for @ comphy-and-cozy this is a multi-chaptered fic, so keep an eye on it!

How Long? by @lifeofpriya for @ luvmmarner

Colorado Avalanche

Cale Makar

all's well that end's well to end up with you by @fallinallincurls for @ ya-pucking-nerd

i've found love (and all that goes with it) by @huttons for @ fallinallincurls

Mikko Rantanen

Do That by @selfindulgentpoorlywritten for @ kurlyteuvo

Summer Baby by @typical-simplelove for @ buttercupjosh

Nathan MacKinnon

It Starts With a Cookie by @luvsherleafs for @ princessphilly

Dallas Stars

Jake Oettinger

taking on the world together by @laurenairay for @ jarmorie

Los Angeles Kings

Pierre-Luc Dubois

as the seasons change by @gravestrain for @ bqstqnbruin

never said a thing by @wyattjohnston for @ pcttymarleau

Minnesota Wild

Marc-André Fleury

Genève by @teokka for @ callsign-denmark

Montreal Canadiens

Juraj Slafkovsky

If I Say It, Will You Respond? by @puckmaidens for @ 2manytabsopen

Nashville Predators

Tyson Barrie

simple by @jxmieoleksiaks for @ laurenairay

New Jersey Devils

Dougie Hamilton

hydrangeas where your face should be by @nhl-stories for @ huttons

Jack Hughes

make it weird by @wyattjohnston for @ torontoflames

something in the way she moves by @miracleonice87 for @ wyattjohnston

Nico Hischier

See You Again by @bqstqnbruin for @ selfindulgentpoorlywritten

Underneath the Stars by @buttercupjosh for @ ilyasorokinn

Timo Meier

Sweet Like Cinnamon by @wildrangers for @ matthewtkachuk

New York Islanders

Ilya Sorokin

Polaroid Dreams by @kurlyteuvo for @ lifeofpriya

Mat Barzal

Alone With You by @cellythefloshie for @ miracleonice87

Disney Magic by @lam-ila for @ tinyhockey

tell me why by @torontoflames for @ luvsherleafs

where you lead i will follow by @ilyasorokinn for @prettytoxicrevolver

Pittsburgh Penguins

Sidney Crosby

Triple Axle Celly by @callsign-denmark for @ starshine-hockey-girl

Ryan Graves

a lake house story by @ya-pucking-nerd for @ thomasschabot

Seattle Kraken

Jamie Oleksiak

to the ends of the earth by @jarmorie for @ laurenairay

Tampa Bay Lightning

Brayden Point

one day all my love will come back to me by @matthewtkachuk for @ senditcolton

Toronto Maple Leafs

Matthew Knies

being a good man by @pcttymcrlecu for @ gravestrain

Vancouver Canucks

Anthony Beauvillier

Alone With You by @cellythefloshie for @ miracleonice87

The Invisible String by @starshine-hockey-girl for @ jarmorie

Quinn Hughes

i can still see it all by @ghostyjosty (jostystyles) for @ wildrangers

mango dragon refresher by @jackhues for @ lam-ila

saw you in a dream by @thomasschabot for @ puckmaidens

Surprise Party by @prettytoxicrevolver for @ ghostyjosty

Vegas Golden Knights

Nolan Patrick

Soothing Swedish Summers by @2manytabsopen for @ waysicouldhave

Winnipeg Jets

Adam Lowry

breakable heaven by @senditcolton for @ cellythefloshie

i am slowly making my own way through reading all the fics--if i haven't read yours and you want to make sure i don't forget, please send it to me.

if the person you wrote for hasn't read and reblogged your fic, please tell me.

[emma-frxst]

All That You’ll Take

Pairing: Colossus/ Piotr Rasputin x Reader

Summary: Piotr and reader suffer a loss at the hands of the x-men, can they find it within themselves to keep fighting for the good guys?

Warnings: character death, grief, angst.

The lovely @reiner-exodus-rasputin asked me for bad guy Colossus so hereeee we gooo ❤️

Tags: (tag list of open, send me an ask if you want to be tagged, removed or only tagged for certain characters.) @chromecutie @xenomorphique @evelyn120700 @nightriver99 @iamwarrenspeace @this-that-and-every-thing-else @hsk-puma @bungeewabbit @pianomad @lesbianstarkx @hazilyimagine-blog  @super-darkcloudstudent @thehuntress26 @siren-lamented-vampire @mooleche @rovvboat @leo-writer @dandyqueen @nitemaremotionless @thewintersoldierswife @reiner-exodus-rasputin @master-sass-blast

-

The faux fur of your thick winter jacket tickled your neck, the chilly wind blowing the soft fibers directly on you. You wrapped the long fibers around your fingers and gave a tug, easily ripping them out.

As you let the wind blow the fur from your fingers, tears began to well up in your eyes and your throat tightened.

The fibers were gone. Missing from your jacket forever, never to be reunited with the other strands of fur. Gone..for the rest of your life.

You turned your attention to Piotr, tears rolled down his face in a continuous cascade. He was standing right next to you, but he felt a million miles away.

You wished you could comfort him, you wished you knew how. But you could barely console yourself through your own grief.

It was the dead of winter, cold and bitter, but it couldn’t compare to the bitterness within your heart.

There was a point in time when you would’ve laid down your life for your fellow X- Men. A time when you trusted them with your own life. A time when your team truly felt like a family.

A simpler time.

You had many fond memories of your time at Xavier’s Institute. You’d met Piotr there, even married him there. It’s where your first held your son in your arms. You formed unbreakable bonds with your friends, taught and trained many students, Including your son, Ilya.

But now you couldn’t even bear to look at it, couldn’t bear to be in it.

The officiant finished the eulogy and gave a slight nod towards you and Piotr. Together, you two walked up to the simple pine box, Piotr letting out a wavering breath.

You dragged your gloved fingers along the grain. It was a mighty fine piece of woodwork, the best around.

Piotr spoke first,

“до свидания мой сын.” (Goodbye, my son) he said, placing his and Ilya’s favorite book on the casket.

“Покойся с миром, мой ребенок.” (rest in peace, my child) you said and placed a flower on top of the book.

You watched as your fellow X-men placed trinkets and things on the casket. Ilya was loved by so many.

You buried him on the highest hillside on Piotr’s family’s farm. You and Piotr declined to bury him at the mansion, you wanted him to rest in peace, to be far away from the life that got him killed.

You couldn’t help but feel hatred towards your team, they were supposed to keep each other safe. It was a stupid mistake..but it cost your son, your only child, his life. It was so easily preventable, yet it still happened. The team knew your anxiety and your worries, they knew their promise to keep him safe. They knew struggle you had to go through to have your son. He was just learning to be a X-Man. He was so eager to follow in your and Colossus’ footsteps. Ilya was so excited to go on his first mission.

He had been going on missions since he was 16. You and Piotr were so damn proud of him, you’d just started letting him go on missions without you and his father.

You were regretting that decision right about now.

You remembered Piotr saying “the boy is 21 years old ,my dear, he will be okay…he’s the best parts of you and me. Besides, we are getting old, time to let the young students take care of things.”

And of course you sassed back with a comment about how he’s getting old, not you…even though your joints popped when got got out of bed in the morning and you went to bed at the ripe old time of 9pm. Oh the life of an X-Man.

“Some life” you scoffed to yourself.

You and Piotr had given decades of your lives to the X-Men and this was your reward?? Unimaginable grief? Pain?

.

Over the next few months, Piotr only grew more distant, your grief driving a wedge between you two. You thought things were looking up when he said he had something planned for the two of you.

But your stomach turned when the car pulled up to the residence of none other than sworn enemy of the X-Men, Magneto.

“Piotr w-what’s happening?” You asked, your voice panic-stricken.

He turned towards you and took your hands in his.

“My feelings of anger, hurt, and betrayal have not gone away since Ilya’s funeral. I no longer feel like part of the X-Men. So I have sought a place where I do belong…where we belong.” He explained, rubbing his thumbs along the back of your hands.

“But Magneto’s brotherhood?!” You nearly yelled.

“Please..hear them out (y/n), hear me out.”

You took a deep breath.

“Okay.” You surrendered.

You two walked up to the elegant front door, a botanical pattern was delicately carved into the pine.

Pine.

Piotr knocked and not even two seconds later, Eric Lehnsherr opened the door. Must’ve been expecting you.

“Hello, Piotr.”

“привет.”(hello) He greeted, you could tell this wasn’t their first meeting.

“(Y/n). My condolences.” Magneto extended his hand and you hesitantly shook it.

“Thanks.” You said, stepping inside.

-

After that night at Magneto’s you and Piotr had decided to give each other some much needed time and space away from each other and the X-mansion.

You were just starting to feel okay when there was a knock at your door.

It was Scott and Ororo.

“We got wind that Colossus is being held at Magneto’s place.”

“Held?”

They nodded.

You knew that no one could really “hold” Colossus, you’d seen him plow his way through many enemies, so you figured something else was up.

Your stomach began to churn, there’s no way he actually joined Magneto right? Piotr, your lawful good, protein bar- eating, wouldn’t hurt an innocent fly, husband..surely not, right?

You got in the car with Ororo, Scott, Logan, Kurt, and Charles.

You exchanged polite greetings but nothing further. They felt distant from you, your loss leaving you a shell of your former self.

-

Residence of the brotherhood of evil mutants.

The car pulled to a halt outside of the house. You were the last to exit the car, standing behind everyone else.

You were greeted by Eric standing in the doorway.

“Where’s Colossus?” Scott asked, getting straight to the point, leaving to time for pleasantries.

Magneto wordlessly stepped aside, letting Piotr step outside. You almost didn’t recognize him. His once colorful, red and yellow uniform, now black and gray. Sad.

Everyone was shocked to see him there, willingly, including you.

“Colossus, my friend, what- what’s going on? Let’s go home.” Kurt begged.

He walked down the steps, getting closer to the people who he once considered his family.

“Life as an x-man..It has taken my son from me, it has taken a toll on my body, taken time away from me that could’ve been spent with my wife. What will you take next? My freedom?! My own life?!”

“Colossus it was an accident! We all miss Ilya dearly.”

“You do not miss him like I do, like we do.” Colossus said, pointing towards you.

“This is crazy Colossus, come on.” Scott begged.

Piotr let out a heavy sigh.

“What hurts the most is-“ he paused, feeling tears well up. But now wasn’t a time for tears. “You all acting like he never existed, ignoring the pain myself and (y/n) are feeling! Not one of you volunteered to teach our classes, help with his memorial, and not one of you sorry, selfish, pricks protected him!”

The team was quiet, reflecting on Piotr’s words. They did help with those things, but they guessed it wasn’t in the way Piotr needed.

You had never seen him so angry.

You walked to the forefront of the group, not believing your eyes. Your sweet husband, turning away from everything good.

“Piotr…” you started, your voice cracking. You hadn’t seen him in months.

Upon seeing you, he transformed out of defense mode and closed the gap between him and you, his scowl softening.

You stopped a moment to take him in. His eyes were tired, his hair more gray than the last time you saw him. His frown lines were more engraved on his face, he hadn’t shaved in a while either.

Just then and only then, you saw just how much losing Ilya, being a part from you, and losing his X-family affected him. His heart was shattered.

“Baby, please, come home.” You pleaded, your voice threatening to break.

He only stared at you.

Wordlessly, he held out his hand, wanting you to take it. To join him.

You hesitated, the events of recent months played over in your mind.

You reached out to take his hand, but stopped half way. You drowned out the rest of the team yelling at you to stop.

“They care about me, (y/n). About us, about mutant kind. They take care of their own, not leaving them to be slaughtered like livestock.”

You glanced back at the others, desperately trying to get to you, but were being held back by Magneto’s powers.

You turned your attention back to Colossus, his hand still outstretched.

You hesitated once again, debating whether or not to take his hand. You met his gaze, those baby blue eyes told you everything you needed to know.

You’d made your decision.

-END-

Authors Note: whaoahhh ambiguous ending! Let me know what you would’ve decided.

Masterlist

[neonmetro]

honestly i'm convinced you two are the same person i got these asks back to back

ok corphead heights !!!! so despite me saying "i need to do a redo of the industrial corp heads' refs so everything looks accurate" IT DOES NOT LOOK ACCURATE. DON'T TRUST THESE. THESE WERE DONE SEVERAL MONTHS FROM EACH OTHER SO I'LL JUST GIVE THEIR ACTUAL HEIGHTS IN TEXT.

aishire: 5'2", veraswamy: 5'10", ezra: 5'8", dante: 5'3", vergil: 5'9", beatrice: 5'11", lancelot: 6'2", estouls: 5'5", ilya: 5'9", junius: 5'4", beowulf: 5'9", ulysses: 5'7"

[wjhik]

We Have Some News (Jude Bellingham) Y/N's POV:

Jude and I have been trying for a baby for so long now.  We got married 4 years ago, when my son was 11. It was weird for him. It's always just been me and him. His father's family left the country after finding out he got me pregnant as a teenager. They were too concerned about their reputation. Ilyas and I were very close. I made it a point to do the best I can for him. He won't suffer for my mistake. We've had some hard times like most do. It wasn't easy being in my sophomore year in high-school with a newborn, or a freshman in college with a 3 year old, but I made it work. When I met Jude, he turned it around for us. He made sure to spoil Ilyas with all the toys and gadgets I couldn't afford. Even when I insisted he shouldn't, he went behind my back to give Ilyas everything he could. Jude and I met when Ilyas was 7. He wasn't fond of him at first, but Jude slowly gained his trust through playing video games with him and taking him to see his favorite players in the stadiums.

Back to the present day, Jude and I were very excited. We've wanted a baby for so long, but it wasn't happening. I've been feeling sick lately. Jude and I never stopped trying, however we became less strict. We don't track my ovulation, or take tests every week to make sure. I haven't taken a test in over 2 months, but I decided to try it. Maybe I should talk to Jude about it first. I'll wait for him to get home. I'm interrupted from my train of thought by the door opening and a hurricane of a boy running in.

"What happened to you??" I question my son in pure shock. "I was- Oh my god. Give me a second." He says, holding his  chest, panting. "Okay, so...I was walking this girl home. First, I had to deal with her dad who interrogated me, then I got chased for 5 kilometers by Mr. Evans' racist dog." He says, rummaging through the cupboards, scavenging for food. "The dogs' not racist, Ilyas. He's just scared of you." I say to him, laughing at his accusations. I tell him to sit down so I can give him his lunch. "Mom, did you see the way he was barking at me and Jude?! That's a racist dog if I've seen one." He says, barbarically digging into his food. "Alright, baby." I say.

Ilyas and I both finished our lunch and are sitting on the couch together. I feel my stomach turning inside out. "I'll be back, baby." I say to him as I quickly get up and head to the bathroom. (I'll spare you guys details about Y/N's delicious vomit) "Mama? You okay?" I hear Ilyas asking, sounding very worried. I'm sure he heard me. Fuck, I didn't mean to scare him. "Yeah, I'm okay." I say, attempting to calm his worries. I hear a quite "okay" as he walks away. Just as I get up to go back to the living room, my stomach flips inside out again. (will spare you guys again)

Jude's POV:

It's been a long day. I can't wait to go home to Y/N. I can't wait to see what she's cooked. I love her food. (hungry boy) "Y/N/N, I'm home! Hey, Ilyas." I say, walking into the living room and sitting on the couch next to Ilyas to take off the shoes. I place them at the front door and head over to the kitchen. I open the pot on the stove to peek at what's for dinner. "Hey, Jude?" Ilyas asks me. "Yeah, what's up?" I ask him, turning my attention towards him. He looks concerned. Is everything okay? "Mom's not feeling well. She's in the bathroom. I think she's throwing up." He says to me. "Why? Did something happen?" I say, walking towards the downstairs bathroom. "She was fine, but then she got up and went to the bathroom." I knock on the bathroom door. "Y/N? You okay?" I say through the door.

Y/N's POV:

Ugh, why is Jude home? I already scared Ilyas, now Jude too? "Yeah, I'm okay, baby." I am so not okay. "Can I come in?" He asks me. I open the door and let him in. I see Ilyas at the door looking horrified at the sight of me on the floor. "Hey, baby. I'm okay, don't worry. Go play your game." I say to Ilyas as Jude steps in the bathroom. Jude shuts the door behind him and sits on the floor with me. He puts his hand on my cheek. "Are you okay, baby?" He asks me looking into my eyes that are watering. I hate vomiting more than anything. "I've been feeling sick all day. I wanted to take a test but I wanted to wait for you." I say to him. He asks me if I wanted to take a test now. I got up from my surprisingly comfortable place on my floor and step out of the bathroom. Ilyas comes up to me and asks me if I'm alright. "I'm okay, baby. I'm just not feeling well. I'm going to take a nap." I say to him, placing a hand up high on his shoulder. He's about as tall as Jude, which is scary because of how young he is. He takes after his father. He really is a gentle giant, though.

I walk into Jude and I's shared room with Jude trailing behind me. Instead of heading to my room like I told Ilyas, I headed to the bathroom. Jude made it there before me and handed me a pregnancy test from my side of our counter. "Ready?" He asks me, sticking the test at me. I sigh and take it from him. I do my business as he looks away. "Set a timer." I tell him, placing the stick on the counter and leaving the bathroom to sit on our couch at the foot of the big bed we have. "It'll be okay, baby. Don't worry." Jude says, sitting down next to me. "I know it will." I say, giving him a reassuring smile. A few minutes of small talk is quickly stopped after hearing Jude's blaring alarm coming from his phone. He stands up and puts his hand out to help me up.

"You look." I tell him. "I don't wanna look!" He whines. "It's your kid!" I argue back. "It's your kid, too!" He says. We're both avoiding the news. Either we can be disappointed again, or our entire lives can change forever. No pressure though. "Okay, same time?" He nods at my suggestion. "3, 2, 1." And we look down. Two lines.

Jude's POV:

Is this real? After so many years? "Oh my god. Oh my god!" Is all I can say. I immediately hug Y/N. "You're PREGNANT!!!" I say dropping to my knees, kissing her belly. My baby is really in there. "Shhh!!!" Y/N yells, her pointer finger in from of her mouth. "Whaaatt??" I say, extending my words. How could she not be jumping off the walls right now? "Ilyas will hear you!" She whisper yells. "How are we going to break this to him?" She asks. "I don't know, love. That's up to you. If you want to keep it secret for a little, or tell him now. Whatever you want to do, I'll be here." I say to her. She cares so much about him. She's an amazing mom. "How is he going to react? Oh my god. This was a bad idea." She starts spiraling into a panic. "Hey. Hey. He'll be fine. He loves you so much and just wants to see you happy." I say, rubbing her back. "I know. I know. I just don't want to change things for him, you know? Things have always been crazy for us, and were just starting to settle a little, and now I'm pregnant. This will change everything." She says with pure fear in her eyes. "I know things won't be the same, but that's not a bad thing. He loves babies. Just think of how happy he'll be. Everything will be different, but it'll all be okay, my love." I say, pulling her in and kissing her head. She takes a deep breath, and relaxes into me.

(Time Skip)

Y/N's POV:

"Ilyas! Get in here, please!" I yell from the living room with Jude sitting next to me, rubbing my leg soothingly. We just had dinner, and it's us now what we consider 'alone time', so it's unsual for me to call him out of his gaming trance. He comes in the living room, questioning me. I tell him to sit down. (doing the next part in message format to make it more understandable )

Y/N: So, you know I haven't been feeling amazing lately.

Ilyas: Yeah...

Y/N: Well, I had a hunch about what it may be, and I tested it a few weeks back. Jude and I have been together a while, and him and I are pretty settled in. And I think you like him as well, right?

Ilyas: He's fine, I guess."

Y/N: We've been thinking for a while about this, and we decided now is the right time.

Ilyas: Are you sending me away?! Mama, I'm sorry! I'll be good, I promise!

Y/N and Jude: What?

Ilyas has been scared of being sent away to a boarding school since he was 4. It was never even an idea in my head. He's been scared since I fell asleep while the TV was on and the grown up shows started playing. He saw a little too much of "The Awakening."

Y/N: Baby, we're not sending you away. Actually, quite the opposite. Instead of loosing a kid, we're..."

I hesitate as I look to Jude for a little reassurance. He gives me a smile and rubs my knee.

Y/N: I'm pregnant.

I can feel my eyes sting up. Is he upset? He's my baby forever. I don't want him to forget that. Oh god. This was a bad idea. I can get rid of it. It's okay. It's still early. The thoughts are interrupted by Ilyas.

Ilyas: Ew...Why?

Jude: What do you mean "why"?

Ilyas: I'm talking to my mom here. Not you.

Y/N: Ilyas, don't talk like that.

Ilyas: Why would you have a baby with him?

Oh no.

Jude: What is that supposed to mean?

They're both standing up now. (dw judes not gonna fight a 15 year old) I'm in shock at this point. I don't know how to react. Ilyas storms into his room and slams the door after cursing Jude out in our language, so he doesn't understand. I leave the room and head to the bedroom to cry it out.

Jude's POV:

I follow after Y/N. When I get to the bedroom, she's in bed, silently crying to herself. I sit down on my side on the bed. Her back is turned to me. I have my hand on her back, rubbing it how she likes. "Hey, baby. Don't cry. It's okay. He's just scared of what could be. Give him some time. He'll come around. He loves you more than anything. No one loves their mama more than him." She silently turns around to face me. She nestles herself into my chest. My hand goes into her hair to rub her head. Next thing I know, she's fast asleep. I need to talk to Ilyas. I can imagine how much he's going through. (antiasshole stepdad jude)

Ilyas' POV:

Knock. Knock. Knock. I take out my air pods that are blasting your classic angsty teenage music. I really don't want to be lectured by my mom about how Jude is only looking out for me, or how he loves me or some shit. I put my headphones back in, hoping my mom will take it as a 'I don't wanna talk right now.' Knock. Knock. Knock. Oh my daaays, man. I simply up the volume on my song. KNOCK. KNOCK. Bro. I get up from my very comfortable position, laying on my stomach on my bed. I swing the door open, expecting to see my mom. "Yes, mama?" I say, slight annoyance in my voice. Then, I realize who's at the door. "Oh. What do you want?" I ask. "Can I come in?" What does this guy want? I step out of the way for him.

"I get it. You want the best for your mom, and you don't think that's me. I get that, but I just want you to know I'll treat her the best humanly possible. I know she's not new to this parenting thing, but I am. Even though I haven't done this before, I can promise you I'll be the best dad to this baby. Your mom's not gonna forget about you. She loves you more than anything on this world, and she makes that clear to me everyday." Why is he saying all this? I thought he was going to lecture me. Why should he? He's not my dad. "Look, I'm not here to lecture you, or tell you your behavior was unacceptable or anything like that. I'm not your dad." Wow. How ironic. "I'm scared." Why am I talking? "What if she forgets me?" Stop talking, Ilyas. Why are you confessing to this guy? "She will never forget you. Every night, she tells me how much she loves you. How you're the most important thing in the world to her, much more important than me, might I add. She says she's lucky to be your mother. I can't help but agree with her. You're an amazing kid, Ilyas. Neither me nor her will ever forget that." Why is my face wet? Fuck, I cannot be crying at this shit. I quickly wipe my face and give Jude a smile. He places his hand on my shoulder and wishes me a goodnight after leaving and closing the door.

Y/N's POV:

Yesterday was horrible. I have to make it up to Ilyas. I can't believe I upset him that much. I turn over and see a sleeping Jude. He looks so peaceful. My peace is quickly ruined by my nausea. I quickly head to the bathroom to throw up. I feel a hand wrap around my hair, holding it back. Once I'm done, I look up, my face red. "Good morning, beautiful." Jude leans in for a kiss, but I quickly pull back. "Vomit breath." I say. He ignores me and goes in for another kiss. "I don't care." He says in between kisses. "Alright, enough. I have to go talk to Ilyas." I say, getting up from my designated spot on the floor. I wrap myself in a robe to keep myself warm and walk into the kitchen.

"Good morning, mama." I look up from my phone to see my baby, covered in flour. He rushes over to me to give me a kiss on my forehead. "Good morning, baby. What are you doing?" I say, giggling at his face covered in all sorts of breakfast items. "Making you breakfast! I feel bad about yesterday. Maybe Jude isn't so bad..." He says, avoiding eye contact. "What's that smell?" I say, sniffing the air. "Fuck!" Ilyas yells, looking back at his burning bacon. "Ilyas!" I yell at him. He knows better than to talk like that. Ilyas is about as stubborn as I am, so what changed his mind?

"Good morning, Jude. Pancakes?" I look behind me to see Jude walking towards the kitchen. "Yum. Yes, please." What is going on? My boys getting along? More like, Ilyas tolerating Jude? I slowly waddle towards the kitchen counter where Jude is sitting. The boys are making conversation. "I'll be back." Ilyas says as he leaves to go to his room, hearing his phone ring. "What black magic did you do on my son?" I ask Jude, him stuffing his face with a pancake. "He's not as tough as he seems." He says, nudging me. Ilyas comes back into the room. "So? Opinions?" He asks me as I take a bite of his food. "I love it, baby. Thank you." I say. "It is really good." Jude agrees with me. "Good. Didn't wake up at 7am on a weekend for nothing." Ilyas says, taking a bite of his creation then dusting his hands on his apron that is far too small for him. "I'm glad you two are getting along." I say. "Me too. It's nice not living with an opp." Ilyas says. Jude gives him a sarcastic smile. I kiss Jude. "Ew. I don't like him that much." Ilyas chimes in. I grab him by his tiny apron and snog his face with kisses while tickling his sides. Ilyas is struggling to breath and Jude is laughing his ass off. My perfect little family is growing.

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[compressednerve]

ask game question #3

Thank you so much for the ask!

"3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?"

1: Moon

What an absolute masterpiece of a film. I can't believe it's been 10 years since I first saw this movie, my wretched and terrible brother is the one who showed it to me and it's probably one of the only good things he's ever done in my life. It changed me forever. I was in a really bad place when I first saw it (and what 16yr old girlthing isn't in a bad place around that time?) and something about the love and care that was shown towards Sam by the characters in the movie (I shan't spoil what happens in it, the twist is impeccable) really affected me. In fact, if I remember correctly, I'd seen it in December! So that's quite the anniversary to be reminded of :'). The score is amazing, and the themes about loneliness as a blue collar worker, exploitation by a corporation, the conspiracy, the absolutely miserable isolation that Sam faces, down to the practicality of the set design and practical effects used, and Sam Rockwell's performance just floors me every time considering the circumstances under which he plays. For a few years, I even changed my name and lived it to that of one of the characters in the movie, which isn't something I really do often. I'll let you guess which character.

2. Jacob's Ladder

Yes, I'm using a very non-iconic shot from the movie. Most of the time when you look up Jacob's Ladder, you'll see gifs of the head convulsions, Jacob in the bathtub, the infamous hospital scene with the eyeless nurses, and maybe the party seizure if you're lucky. Truth be told, every scene from Jacob's Ladder is, to me, a masterpiece. The torture of poor, poor Jacob, caught between his wartime CPTSD and his arguable drug trauma, caught in a neverending loop of nightmarish hellscapes indiscernible from reality or dream, desperate to make sense of a world that's perpetually collapsing around him and very little allies to help. The only person who truly loves him is Louis, his guardian angel, his caretaker, his companion- pictured here is him metaphorically and literally rescuing Jacob from Hell, and the scene that immediately follows just blows me away every time with the sheer intimacy on display. It's even crazier in the original script, which I do own a copy of because I'm insane, where Jacob outright professes his love for Louis. I've written quite a few essays about this movie but they'll never see the light of day because I don't trust my ability to articulate myself correctly, but rest assured it could probably fill an eight hour long analysis video. Parasite and I watched this movie for the first time in 2020, when we were taking megadoses of shweed brownies that had 800-1,000mg per brownie for the latter half of August and the entire month of September because it was the first time I'd made edibles and I severely overestimated just how much weed was supposed to go into them. And what did we watch on repeat upwards of 90 times during that time period? Why, Jacob's Ladder of course. It feels fitting to have been so stoned considering half the film's message is a finger wag about irresponsible drug use (or more accurately, irresponsibly and forcibly drugging people without their consent). I will never tire of this movie, and every time I watch it, I discover new things about it, and myself.

3: Hardcore Henry

You may recognize this film style from that "Bad Motherfucker" music video that was popular a few years back, and what a smart cookie you are for that, because it's the same director. What's not to love? Blood, guts, boobies, funny accents, Russian humor, shout-outs to beloved video games, cool car chases, sexy villains/heroes, a great score, and above all else, an independent film makers dream that became actualized. It's inspiring to me what Ilya Naishuller was able to do with such a small cast and such a small budget. You may be thinking to yourself, "A first-person POV action movie sounds like it would make me motion sick!" and normally you'd be right. But Ilya got you covered on that my friend, because he said himself that he gets motion sick easily. I, too, get motion sick easily and am prone to seizures with jittery movements on-screen. He took that into account and with a little movie magic in the first 10 minutes of the film used some pretty cool tricks to acclimate the viewer to the way it all moves around, and it's actually a very smooth ride considering most of it is filmed on a gopro attached to a torture device wrapped around the actors' heads. I beg of you, watch this movie. I saw it in theater in 2016 on a total whim, I was bored one day and I saw a trailer for it during a fugue state and thought to myself, "how odd, I can't tell if this is a video game or not, well I have a little extra cash so I might as well check this out" because there wasn't anything better to do with my time, and I was blown away. I ended up seeing it three more times in the theater and bought the bluray the second it was released. This is another movie that Parasite and I ended up watching on repeat in 2021, we'd put it on while he got ready for work.

Oh, and the Jimmy/Henry yaoi is real. Also, there's straight up a male/male kiss in it? I love that. Great work, everyone.