illegalaustralien

[illegalaustralien]

[illegalaustralien]

whenever someone calls USAmerican English the 'movie accent' I remember how somewhere last year I was on a train when suddenly the silence was broken by an american voice behind me somewhere and I immediately thought "Oh no, someones playing their tiktoks out loud again" and automatically turned around to put a face to my annoyance like you do when someones driving bad, and turns out a few rows down were just some actual in the flesh USAmericans having a nice conversation amongst themselves. I am sorry Americans I'm glad they let you out of the phone

[illegalaustralien]

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

[illegalaustralien]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[illegalaustralien]

[illegalaustralien]

[illegalaustralien]

me having a weird time: man this weird time sucks! i don't feel like myself! i wish i was having a normal time!

me having a normal time: well the weird time did have a certain je ne sais quoi...

[illegalaustralien]

debbie downer and negative nancy should lez out

[illegalaustralien]

[illegalaustralien]

He said this because I wouldn't tell him my hair color

[illegalaustralien]

"Dangerous"

[illegalaustralien]

[illegalaustralien]

you’re such a good girl bro

[illegalaustralien]

[illegalaustralien]

Fucking owned this goofster

[illegalaustralien]

i wish i was a cishet guy so that i could start a podcast and go to the gym and allow that to fulfill me spiritually. but instead i have these visions

[illegalaustralien]

i could add a few more stages to grief if they let me