#for them really i just do not have the capability to keep up with the other casts? im sidelining the aus cast because for some reason i have

[p0orbaby]

Surprised no one has written a blurb about Leah in that suit at the GQ event this week 😅

-

The room is buzzing, a sea of black ties and designer dresses, champagne flutes held aloft like props in some elaborate theatre production. Conversations hum all around you—something about business, or football, or maybe it’s art. You’re not sure. You’re not really listening.

How could you? Leah is right there.

She’s leaning against the bar, elbow propped, laughing at something some guy in a velvet jacket has just said. You don’t care about him, or his stupid jacket, or the fact that the two of them are now deep in conversation about—what? You’re guessing wine or NFTs or something equally pretentious.

Because all you can focus on is her. The suit. The way it fits her, how the bralette peeks out just enough to drive you mad, and the fact that she knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s glanced at you twice already, smirking when she caught you staring, and now you’re trying—and failing—to act like a functional human being.

“Did you hear what I just said?” someone asks beside you. A colleague of hers, maybe? Or a sponsor? You’re not sure.

“Sorry?” you say, tearing your eyes away from Leah just long enough to register that the man in front of you has been talking for at least three minutes straight.

“I was saying how important it is to invest in grassroots football,” he repeats, clearly thinking he’s said something profound.

“Uh-huh,” you nod, glancing back at Leah. She’s standing straighter now, facing your direction. Her hand slips into her pocket, and you swear she’s flexing—abs, jawline, everything.

“Do you agree?” the man presses.

“Sure,” you say, not even pretending to care anymore. Your eyes are back on Leah, who has definitely caught you looking. Her smirk deepens.

She crosses the room toward you, moving with the kind of confidence that should be illegal. The guy talking to you doesn’t even notice; he’s still yammering on about funding or facilities or whatever.

Leah steps beside you, close enough that you catch a hint of her perfume. You want to scream. Or faint. Or both.

“Having fun?” she murmurs, her voice low enough that only you can hear.

“Not particularly,” you whisper back, keeping your expression as neutral as possible. “Too distracted”

She tilts her head, clearly enjoying this. “Oh? By what?”

You meet her gaze, trying to look unimpressed. It’s impossible. “You know exactly what”

Leah chuckles, leaning in just enough that her lips almost brush your ear. “Behave,” she whispers, and then pulls back, winking before turning to the man still talking at you.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she says smoothly, extending a hand. “Leah Williamson”

The man immediately lights up, shaking her hand like he’s just been introduced to the Queen. You, on the other hand, are still stuck on the way her voice dipped when she told you to behave.

You spend the rest of the night trailing after her like some lovesick puppy, pretending to care about the event but knowing full well your brain is only capable of two thoughts: Leah looks so hot in that suit and I need to get her out of it.

[dissapointu]

may i pretty pretty please request a healer!reader with ekko? like as the few traine medic in the hideout she's well versed in most kinds of injuries amd illnesses and ekko would just be in awe of them (lowk distractin her the fact he's wounded) but reader clocks that a mile away but plays along the bit anyways 🥺🥺🥺

(i need more love for my boy 🥺🫶🥺🫶)

healer!reader interacts with Ekko, and he tries to distract them despite being injured:

He needs more love. I agree 100%

————————————————————————

“Don’t worry, Ekko. I’ve got this.”

You said it with a steady confidence, your hands moving effortlessly over the medical supplies in front of you. You were one of the few trained medics in the hideout, and while most of the others could get by with basic first aid, you had seen your fair share of injuries—enough to know exactly what you were doing.

But of course, Ekko wasn’t making it easy. As you bandaged up his side, where a deep gash had appeared after a particularly rough skirmish, you couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes kept flicking to your hands, the way he’d casually nudge his body closer to yours despite you having plenty of space. He was clearly trying to distract you.

“So, uh… you’re, like, really good at this,” Ekko said, his voice uncharacteristically light and teasing. His tone carried that playful edge that always seemed to slip in when he was trying to sidestep something.

You glanced at him, arching an eyebrow as you continued working. “I’m not new to this, Ekko. You’re not the first person I’ve patched up.”

His lips curled into a small grin, and he shifted on the table, deliberately stretching his arms out as though to demonstrate how ‘comfortable’ he was. “Yeah, but you make it look so easy. Like… it’s just natural for you, huh?”

You barely suppressed a smirk. “Well, it’s my job, Ekko. It’s what I do.”

But you knew the game he was playing. The way his eyes lingered on you, the way he made small talk when you were trying to focus—he was stalling, trying to make this moment last longer. His usual bravado was gone, replaced by a vulnerability he didn’t often show.

“I mean, you are amazing at this,” he continued, leaning back a little and looking up at the ceiling with a somewhat exaggerated sigh. “Like, not only are you super smart and capable, but you’ve got the whole… healer vibe. You know? Very soothing.”

You paused, your hands on the bandages, and narrowed your eyes. “Are you really trying to distract me right now, Ekko?”

His face turned a shade of red that you had to suppress a chuckle at. “What? No! I just… I’m just… you know… appreciating how good you are at this. It’s impressive.”

You smirked, catching his playful, slightly flustered expression. “Yeah, well, I can’t finish until I make sure this is all done right.” You applied a final wrap to his injury, pressing gently and ensuring everything was secure before giving him a pointed look. “Now, stop trying to distract me and let me finish.”

Ekko leaned in closer, his gaze softening despite the playful tone he’d been trying to keep up. “You know, I think I could just lie here all day if it meant I get to listen to you talk,” he admitted quietly, his earlier teasing tone slipping away.

You chuckled, carefully adjusting the bandages and checking for any signs of further injury. “You’re lucky I care about you, Ekko. Otherwise, I might just leave you here to suffer through your own flustered rambling.”

Ekko raised an eyebrow, leaning into your touch as you finished. “Hey, I’m not rambling. I’m just… appreciating the person who’s keeping me from bleeding out, that’s all.”

You met his gaze, your fingers brushing against his skin as you applied the final layer of bandages, ensuring his wound was properly treated. “Well, if you keep distracting me like this, I might start charging you extra for the therapy session.”

He chuckled, the familiar mischievous gleam returning to his eyes. “Guess I’ll just have to keep distracting you, then. Can’t let you have all the fun.”

As you finished the last few touches, you stepped back, looking at him with a small smile. “All done. You’re lucky I’m here, you know?”

Ekko sat up, his movements now much more fluid than they had been before. He gave you a genuine, soft smile that made your heart skip a beat. “I’m the lucky one, (Y/N). Thanks.”

And for a moment, despite his usual cocky charm, you could see it in his eyes: the deep admiration, the unspoken gratitude, the way he truly felt safe in your hands.

I hope this gave you the fluff and love for Ekko you were craving! 🫶💖

[lumitoiile]

xiao : [crapbag.]

☆ — fluff; he takes care of you while you're sick. gn! reader (no pronouns.)

"achoo!" 

you sniffle, nose red as you stare up at your ceiling in annoyance. ugh. you've been bedridden all morning, sneezing and coughing up a fit. you can't even remember how you got sick in the first place... it's all a blur. your head feels light and your thoughts have started to grow delirious. 

"this sucks," you groan, reaching over for a tissue on the nightstand and nearly falling off your bed in the process. why'd you have to get sick today, of all days? you'd been planning to visit xiao this afternoon, but...that's obviously out of the question now, given the circumstances. you barely even had enough energy to walk to the bathroom this morning. 

you sigh, leaning back onto your pillow after loudly blowing your nose. after trying your best to make yourself a little more comfortable, you gently hover your hands over your eyelids, keeping them shut. mmn...cold hands. that feels nice. a yawn escapes your mouth, satisfied tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. "i wonder what xiao's up to right now," you whisper. 

well, it’s not like the two of you are particularly close or anything—you hardly even qualify as friends, and knowing him, no progress was going to be made there any time soon. ‘human interaction is quite troublesome,’ so he says. but something about him feels…lonely, in your eyes. or maybe it’s sad? you can’t tell. it’s hard to get a good read on that guy, mister ‘i don’t feel emotion like you mortals do.’ 

“it’s you.”

you jolt at the sudden voice, sitting upright and frantically scanning the room for its source. and low and behold, there he is, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. uh oh. he looks irritated.

”xiao…?” you blink a few times, rubbing your eyes to try and convince yourself he’s actually real, standing here before you. up until he spoke, you hadn’t even heard or noticed him. “wh—where the hell did you come from?”

he lets out a tired sigh, gold eyes narrowing. “you called out my name, did you not?” he says it like it should be obvious. “but you don’t seem to be in any danger…why have you summoned me?”

”what are you—“ oh. that’s right, you remember him saying something about that…whoopsie! you give him a sheepish smile. “s-sorry,” you mutter, voice raspy and laced in sick. “it was an accident. nothing's wrong, j-just feeling a little under the weather is all. you should leave before i get you sick too…”

he looks like he wants to roll his eyes. “you shouldn't worry over something so foolish. we adepti do not get sick," he scoffs. 

you nearly facepalm. ah, right. he said pretty much the same thing about sleeping a little while ago. regardless, you stumble out of bed, struggling to steady yourself as you plant your feet and lean onto the nightstand. "i still don't want to give you any of my icky germs. you should...you should go."

you're tempted to start pushing him toward the door, but that would defeat the purpose of trying to keep your germs away. he notices this and stares at you for a moment before letting out another sigh, speaking in a low voice. "you're in no condition to be left here alone."

"w-what are you talking about? i'm completely fine," you lie, holding back a wicked cough and chuckling awkwardly. "really, you don't to stay here. its...not even that bad! see?"

his gaze on you is intense and his eyebrows furrow. "your complexion is scaring me. please sit down."

"i'm telling you, i'm fine—" you try to take another step toward him, as if to prove that you're capable of doing so, but the archons don't seem to be on your side today because your knee gives out and you fall over again.

oh shit.

xiao's at your side in an instant, catching you and wrapping an arm around your waist, holding your own over his neck as he keeps you steady. "i told you," he scowls, eyes narrowed. "you need to be more careful." 

you start hastily start sputtering out apologies, but he pays you no mind as he effortlessly lifts you back onto your bed, pulling his touch away quickly as if he might hurt you somehow. "just—stay here. don't move," he mutters. "i'll...look after you."

your heart nearly stops and you start to feel your face getting warm, though this time it isn't from your sickness. did you hear him correctly? "y-you don't have to do that! i'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself...really, i'm sure you have other things to do."

he doesn't say anything. instead, he takes note of your red face and leans a little closer, very carefully brushing his fingers against your forehead. this, of course, only makes your cheeks heat up even more. he frowns, oblivious to your embarrassment as he pulls away. "you seem to have a fever...have you taken any medication?"

you nod, face flushed. "um...yeah, i took some a little while ago. i really am fine, you don't need to—"

but he's already dashed off to who knows where, the sound of rummaging through cabinets and water running easily heard from down the hall. he returns a moment later with a cold wet rag, wrung out for your use. he stares at you awkwardly for a moment before handing it to you. "...here."

you give him a soft smile and take it from him, gratefully draping the rag over your forehead with a content sigh. "whew. that feels...a lot better, actually...thank you. the cold feels nice."

he nods, leaning back against the wall with his arms crossed. "do you...need anything else? can i perhaps make you something?"

you bite back the urge to snort. "what, like cook? you know how to cook?" 

his expression changes, and if you didn't know any better, you'd say he was nearly pouting. "i'm not incompetent. of course i can cook. though i'll admit, it isn't particularly my favorite thing in the world. its not like i have any need for food in the first place."

you let out a soft chuckle. that's right...he doesn't need to eat. strange. he seemed awfully happy back when you made him that almond tofu...well, as happy as he can get, at least. he's so pissy all the time.

you nod at his question. "i was gonna make myself some soup earlier, but..." you shrug. "i've been stuck in bed all day and never actually got around to it."

"soup..." he gives you a single nod as he walks away back into your kitchen. oh, jeez. here we go...you call out a thank you as he leaves, really hoping he wasn't lying when he said he could cook. you can hear the opening of cabinets as he rummages through your stuff, looking for everything he needs.

a moment later, you call out to him again. "hey, xiao?" 

he stops what he's doing and the noises pause, perking up at the sound of his name. "yes?"

you smile softly. "please don't burn my house down."

[t3a-tan]

I need to see James scolding Oliver and taking care of him after what happened with the human kid. James could have the responsible role for once in his life 😏

Happens directly after this!!

Oliver is certainly due for a bit of pampering. Enjoy! ^^

---

“May I have some ice please?”

James yelped at the sound of Oliver's voice, slamming the fridge door shut to reveal the borrower standing there on the counter, looking as nonchalant as usual. But there was something off about his body language… he raised an eyebrow, seeing how his friend was favouring one side and holding his ribs.

“You're hurt.” It wasn't a question. James wasn't stupid— it didn't exactly take a detective to figure that out.

Oliver nodded, wincing slightly again as he breathed in. Now that the adrenaline was no longer running as readily through his system it hurt much more. Even though his legs weren't injured, it hurt to stand— like holding up his own weight irritated the bruises around his midsection.

He glanced down and lifted his jumper slightly, revealing the dark purple marks that had formed. He felt some fascination, looking at those finger shaped bruises, but mostly it just hurt.

James gasped, his hands reaching down and quickly but gently scooping Oliver up into them as he raised the tiny man to his eye level.

“Bloody hell— you're as purple as a blummin blueberry, mate..!” He pointed out, fussing over the injuries with careful fingers, trying to figure out where they ended. They seemed to cover his whole torso. “What the hell happened??”

Oliver groaned a little, pushing his jumper back down and waving off James’s concerned fingers.

“It is still very sensitive…please be gentle, James.” He scolded lightly, finding that even the smallest accidental pressure sent an stabbing ache throughout his body. He shakily sat up on his forearms, looking up at his friend's apologetic and concerned gaze.

“It was…a child. She was much too young to be on her own, and so I accompanied her until her mother returned. Nothing is broken.” After a few beats of uncertainty Oliver added, “I think…”

“You think!?” James exclaimed. A sigh escaped his lips as his free hand reached up to scratch at his facial hair, brows furrowed. “This is severe, Oliver. An injury like that would have most humans in the hospital.”

The borrower huffed, clearly embarrassed by all of the fuss, but he didn't tell James to put him down.

“I am not a human. I am a borrower. We have better immune systems and our bodies heal faster. I will be fine once I get ice.” He rebutted. The finger behind him curled over and began to rub at his back, making Oliver inhale sharply. At first it hurt, but after a few seconds it felt pleasant and he couldn't help but lean back into the sensation.

James's brows furrowed further, a concerned frown on his face as he continued to gently stroke his back.

“Mmm…no. I'll get you the ice, mate, but until that's all healed I don't feel comfortable with you flying around and whatnot.” He knew Oliver wasn't stupid and would not do things he didn't think he was capable of doing with those injuries, but still. James's finger stopped rubbing at his back, not wanting to go too hard and make the bruise spread.

He could see that Oliver was shaking with effort just to hold himself up. If his ribs were broken, he really needed to rest and not move around too much. But for as sensible as his friend was, James also knew him to be stubborn.

“I have too much to do… I need to update the files I just went and checked the houses for before I forget, and I need to make blackberry jam before the blackberries deteriorate too much and—”

A thumb came up and covered his mouth before he could finish, and Oliver shot the human an unimpressed look for the interruption. He knew that if he tried to move it away James would oblige, but he didn't really have the energy to lift his arms without it hurting.

“Ah ah. I know you like to keep to your schedule, but it's not the end of the world if you don't. You're overworking yourself. Let me take care of you— at least for a few days— okay?” He removed his thumb after saying his piece, watching for Oliver's answer.

For all the time he had known the borrower, he had learned a lot about his personality and how to tell when something was wrong. Oliver liked to act like he had everything under control at all times; always keeping a cool head and thinking logically— but the reality was that he was just as fragile as any other borrower.

James didn't care to baby him. Oliver was, after all, an adult with his own life and way of doing things. But there was a point where he thought it was best to insist that Oliver accept that he needed help.

Of course, if he insisted against it James wasn't going to hold him against his will— but he would definitely complain about the decision.

Oliver squinted up at him, his hair dishevelled from earlier, and pain radiating all around his body. He knew that his friend wouldn't dare force help upon him, but he also knew that if he refused he would just worry him in the process.

“Alright. Those are acceptable conditions… a few days.” He agreed, nodding his head and releasing a sigh of exasperation as he lay back instead of holding himself up. He shut his eyes, recognising how exhausted his body felt after the hour or so of constant play and man handling.

Although he didn't regret it, James’s more tender and aware hands were a welcome change. With any other human Oliver always had to instruct them on how to hold him correctly— and deal with the consequences when they simply couldn't get it right. With James…he was always careful. Oliver didn't have to worry about anything; he could just close his eyes, relax, and rest assured that his grip would never become too tight or invasive.

James let out a sigh of relief when Oliver relented, and seeing how he relaxed; clearly drained from what he had gone through; James’s thumb lightly stroked his shoulder in a gesture of support.

“Thanks.” His thumb moved away again, not overstaying its welcome as he instead bent down to open the freezer, rummaging around. “Let’s get you some ice then. I could swear I have something for bruises in the first aid kit, I'll just have to have a bit of faff for it…” 

Oliver turned onto his side, eyes still closed as he got a bit more comfortable.

“Mm…don't worry too much if you don't. Bruises like this usually stop hurting after a week unless the bones are bruised too…” He assured, waving a hand dismissively, not wanting James to go too out of his way for him.

James raised an eyebrow down at the borrower he was currently cradling in one hand, holding him out of the way of the freezer's cold chill.

“How often do you get hurt like this? Be honest.” He wasn't scolding him, but it did upset him to think about how many times Oliver must have been through this before for him to know that.

Oliver hummed in thought, opening his eyes after a few moments and looking up into the brown eyes above him.

“I'd say between one and two times annually. You know I cannot stand by and watch someone else suffer… The poor girl was only four, she can hardly help it that she didn't know her own strength, James. She took to my instructions fairly well, considering that fact.” He defended.

“Jesus Oliver, you could die! Come on, mate. This isn't healthy— I know you don't like to do it, but sometimes you just have to leave things be. Save yourself the pain.” He shook his head, focusing on the freezer again to find the little plastic cubes he kept so that he would have something closer to Oliver's size. He picked one up and shut the freezer. “Was she alright at least? Nothing I need to report?”

Oliver nodded once more.

“She was fine. It wasn't a serious situation, just a moment of forgetfulness on her parents’ part. I saw no signs of any maltreatment, and she seemed to be at a normal development for a child that age. Speech, movement…all fine.” He assured.

James tore off a piece of kitchen roll and wrapped it around the cube before offering it forward to Oliver gingerly. The borrower took it, wincing at first as the cold made contact with his marked skin before relaxing, allowing it to numb the area.

“I was about to make some lunch. I have leftover curry that I was gonna heat up with some microwave rice, if you want to join. Chicken korma.” He offered, opening the fridge again next and taking out the tub of curry and setting it on the side. “I think I have a pack of naan…somewhere…”

“For as much food as you have, you really should keep things more organised, James. If you don't know what you have, you'll end up throwing away things you've forgotten about when they don't keep.” Oliver scolded lightly.

James gently poked Oliver in the cheek with his pinkie as he let out a gasp of indignation.

“Oi! You're starting to sound more and more like my mother every time you stay here.” He responded in mock offence, although the grin of amusement made it obvious he was only joking. Oliver had learned that was a sign of his sarcasm, and James was delighted to see the slight smile on his face too. “You want korma or not?”

Oliver let out a small chuckle. Although it hurt to laugh, it also felt nice and warm. James's humour, although difficult to comprehend at first, it was now something that the borrower greatly appreciated. He nodded.

“Alright. That sounds good.”

[httpskuzuu]

L”m so happy your back! I would like a request a yandere! Pm Dazai (18 yrs old) with a darling who’s naïve and innocent (of course he kidnaps them) how would he react to a such pure person! Thank you for taking this request.

Yandere!PM!Dazai with a naive and innocent reader

This is the first time I write for PM!Dazai (and I do headcanons), don't kill me

Yandere!PM!Dazai x Reader

Idk english, I don't like english, let me

summary: the title :D

tw: kidnapping, corruption of innocence, stalking, death (not reader or Dazai), physical and psychological abuse, maybe something else but idk

Honestly, I don't know how you got into this situation.

I can only think of two options as to how you ended up getting his attention: Dazai was looking for someone like you or you just surprised him.

With the first option, I guess he wanted to get away momentarily from everything he had known in his life, get someone who wasn't as fucked up as he was.

Or you just came unexpectedly into his life, maybe you got involved in one of his missions without having any idea.

Either way, Dazai was dazzled by your innocence.

You are the opposite of him and he wants to keep it that way, he knows what this world is capable of doing to pure souls like yours and he is not going to allow that.

First he won your trust, it was easy, you trusted everyone too fast, you didn't even doubt him in spite of his strange attitude that didn't let you see beyond him.

You never realized the danger in front of your eyes and that only made Dazai adore you more.

He would know every little part of your life, the names of all your friends and the places you go to, he always has an eye on you.

He would keep your friends and family away from you, he's not afraid to kill, threaten or torture others for that purpose.

Deep down, all he wants to do is to corrupt you.

He wants to be the one to destroy your innocence, to show you the cruelty of the world, even if it is contradictory to his initial purpose.

Maybe that's the reason he kidnapped you.

And oh god, that's when the real fun begins.

He doesn't care about your opinion, not in the slightest, and punishments are just around the corner.

Forced affection would be a normal thing, he sees you as a kind of safe place where he can be a bit more vulnerable, just a bit 🤏

Still, I doubt he would ever let you see his true feelings.

That would only be way down the road in your relationship, when Dazai can have complete confidence that you'll never escape.

Yandere!Dazai is not easy, least of all if he's PM Dazai, but your attitude would make it somewhat more tolerable.

Being such a naive little thing, he can trust you more easily.

Plus you're terrified of him, so you don't even think about running away.

But if you were to try… Well, remember what I said about punishments being just around the corner? Then get ready for torture.

Breaking bones, beating you unconscious, isolating you for days, starving and thirsting you, etc.

Although he usually mistreats you as well, it's all more psychological.

He wants to make you see the evil, to see you break and cry.

Makes him have a mix between sadistic joy and regret.

He really feels very guilty for everything he does, for seeing you in such a broken state.

He would never tell you, the closest you get to that would be a strangely silent Dazai cuddling like a koala bear to you.

I hope you have enough mental stamina to endure your stay with Dazai

Oh, and if he sees that he's broken you until there's nothing left of the original you or that all your innocence is gone, maybe he'll kill you because he's bored 😀

The image of your friend would not leave your head. He was immobile, cold, dead.

It was the first time you saw a corpse in real life, it made your blood run cold. Especially because you saw him die and you couldn't do anything about it.

Dazai killed him, after many hours of torture, one shot in his head and his screams stopped. You saw the blood spill on the floor along with pieces of flesh. You did not vomit because of the absence of food in your stomach, but the nausea was there.

He wouldn't let you take your eyes off him, even when he was torturing him. When his fingernails were being pulled out and his skin was burning. You had to keep watching or the torture would transfer to you.

You couldn't save him. Your throat was torn from screaming, but he was still dead. Would his corpse still be in that dark warehouse? Would that be his grave? At least you would have liked to have been able to give him a proper funeral, not abandon him.

You didn't understand how someone could be as evil as Dazai was. Your friend did nothing, he just worried about your disappearance. Now, because of you, he too would become a missing person.

The tears were still wet when an extra weight was placed on the bed. You refused to move, afraid that he would take you back to continue seeing those horrible things, things you can't even describe without breaking down in tears.

He lies behind you and wraps his arms around you, his hands that caused so many murders gently holding your body.

You never thought before that the perpetrators of these acts could be ordinary people, people you would trust and befriend. But they could be, the proof of that was Dazai, someone too young to be killing.

You are conflicted by the situation, you empathize with Dazai. You want to understand him and know what led him to be the way he is today, try to justify him, but he killed your friend. The dilemma of whether he deserved a forgiveness eats at you inside. Could his actions be justified by his past? Maybe Dazai is just a victim like you.

Be that as it may, apparently you still have time to think because he doesn't plan to let you go anytime soon.

I am sleep deprived

[bullet-prooflove]

Such A Good Girl: Ryan x Reader (Yellowstone)

Tagging: @kmc1989 @trublu2u @Yousigned-upforthis @queenslandlover-93 @hal3ynicol3

Companion piece to:

With Me (NSFW) - Ryan and you send the night together for the first time.

The Morning After - Ryan and you enjoy the morning together.

Adrenaline - Ryan gets turned on by your capability.

My Favourite Kind of Night (NSFW) - Ryan and you send the night together at a law enforcement conference.

Bed Breaking (NSFW) - Ryan breaks your bed.

Marks - Ryan decides he wants to commit.

Wishes - Ryan wishes things were different between the two of you.

Stop Thinking, Start Listening - Ryan hates seeing you with another man.

Kitty - Ryan knows something's not right when he seees you with another man.

The problem is Ryan can’t keep his nose out of your shit, not when he knows you’re doing something dangerous. The thought of you out there undercover, it makes his skin itch because the assholes you work with they don’t have your back, they’ve never had your back. That was made abundantly clear during the first couple of cases the two of you worked on together when you came hurtling in like the cavalry despite the fact there was a hold order on their backup due to a dispute between the Sheriff and John Dutton.

“I think I owe you a drink, for saving my ass back there.” He had told you in the aftermath as he stood on the steps of the precinct, hands tucked into pockets of his jeans.

“You owe me more than a drink. I’ve just got my first write up.” You’d told him, your hands running through your hair as you tied it back into a messy bun. “I was such a good girl before I met you.”

He finds out later that night how much of a good girl you really are and you find out how much of a bad boy he is.

In the present he sits in his car and he thinks over everything he’s learned over the past couple of hours. The ATF believe guns are being run through a microbrewery in Bozeman owned by Sebatian Myers, you’d been selected to pitch in because you’d run a similar operation back in Alabama before you made the switch to Montana. There have been no wire tap warrants, no surveillance requests, they’re running this like you’re a C.I which means you’re out there entirely on your own. What’s actually puzzling to him is the reason that you agreed to it. That op in Alabama, it had ended badly for you. Ryan’s seen the scars, he’s kissed them in the dead of night. Three stab wounds all in your left side, you’d lost your kidney and an enormous amount of blood. You couldn’t be around the department after that, especially after you learned it was your partner who ratted you out, a man you’d worked alongside for three years, who had gambling debts coming out of every orifice.

“I learned my lesson.” You had told him as his fingers had trailed over each of those scars. “Undercover work isn’t for me.”

It’s when he flicks through the file on Myers that he realises what your investment is. Two years ago Myers had been linked to the rape and murder of a teenager from the reservation. It was one of  several cases you inherited from your predecessor. You’d tried to reopen it but the reservation police wouldn’t trade information with you and it wasn’t a priority to the Sheriff’s office so you’d been forced to stand down. You used to have nightmares about it because you felt like you were failing those girls, you’d wake up in a cold sweat and Ryan, he would be right there holding you, soothing you.

He knows you, he knows those cases were something you had never been able to let go because you were convinced that it was still happening, that the killer had just gotten better at concealing it. When the opportunity to investigate Myers had come up you wouldn’t have been able to resist. You’d dressed yourself up and walked straight into the lion’s dean, no back up, no safe guards, just you.

He’s fucking livid because he knows you wouldn’t be pulling this shit if the two of you were together, he would have talked you down, figured out another way.

But you aren’t and that’s  why Ryan’s now sitting outside Myers’ place, his gaze fixed on the windows because he can’t let you do this alone. He won’t let you do this alone.

Love Ryan? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[sarah-denial-cq]

I'm on my knees, looking at another girl who's on *her* knees, looking at me. Someone is standing behind me, my long braid wrapped up in their hand. The other girl looks scared.

"strip.". We're both wearing identical matching bra and panties. We both look away from each other as we take them off, too nervous to look- until I feel a yank, hard, on my hair. "No, look right in each other's eyes. Look at her tits. You're both fucking porn, act like it. "

I feel the hand slap my ass. The other girl winces, seeing the pain on my face. "Tell her she's just porn, just like you. She's nothing."

I look at her carefully. Her makeup is running from crying. She's already been beat quite a bit. "You're just porn. You're nothing." She just looks at me silently. "Keep going".

I look right at her. I try to summon up my contempt for her. She could have been so much. Now she's here on her knees in front of me stripped and crying. So vulnerable. "You're a stupid, stupid bitch" I start laying into her. "You're pathetic. No self respecting woman would let this happen to her.". The girl starts sobbing. I feel the approval from behind me and I can't help but start insulting her and betraying her for the approval of the force of that hand in my braid and the validation I know I'll find there if I just do a good enough job tearing down this victim.

I'm going to make her a victim.

"you're shit. You're barely a person, you just sit there and strip and cry.". I start getting into it. I'm masturbating on my knees staring at this helpless naked loser crying. "Go on, cunt, touch yourself while I insult you.". She's touching herself, one hand between her legs and one on her nipple. I can't tell if she's doing it to impress the one behind me or just to self soothe or because- "fuck, you actually like this? You sick puppy. You're not even rape bait, because I don't think you're even capable of having an opinion on who gets to use you. Nobody thinks of you as anything other than a slutty, easy, fuckdoll. You're going to remember this moment for the rest of your life. I hate you. I hope you get drugged and passed around a party. You deserve to be pinned down by somebody and fucked dry. You, oh my god," the hand is twisting in my hair and this poor girl is absolutely sobbing at all the abuse and I'm filled with traitorous contempt as I realize her flush is half crying and half arousal and I see- "you whore. Don't you dare cum. You sick fuck, you rug munching cock sucking ass eating porn making easy access " I think the bitch is actually going to cum, I feel all the approval in the world from behind me as I realize this is what they want, they want to see if I can truly betray this victim they brought for me to abuse to get them off, this is my value to them, to hurt this girl, I go harder, I feel a hand on the back of my neck, "failure, nobody takes you seriously, everybody just imagines putting you on your knees any time you open your stupid mouth, people on the street look at you and imagine raping you, your colleagues call you names behind your back, you're going to be like this forever, you stupid, stupid, stupid-"

I feel, somehow, the pull on my braid that tells me to shut up. I look at the girl I've been tearing down to earn approval. She's quietly crying. Both her hands have come up to her tits. I hear the voice behind me. "Spit on her."

I... hesitate. Do I really hate this poor girl enough to do that, is she, okay with that? Do I care about that more than I care about doing what I'm told? She looks so afraid. She looks so... you know what? She looks like she deserves it. She deserves it.

I spit on the mirror.

"good girl", I hear.

[sufferu]

I was asked for a snippet from the Dogshow series. I have delivered. As the exact scene was not specified, I decided for myself.

Dogshow: No Way Home

____

[“But no matter how pathetic I was, you and Mom still treated me the same as always,” Subaru said. “That’s what scared me most of all…”]

“They…” Emilia choked out. “They really did…They really did love him, didn’t they…?”

Otto thought of his own parents, and how patient they had been with him for all those years. He swallowed, fighting back tears.

“Those bushes there really are fascinating!” Anastasia was saying loudly. “They look just like some of the foliage we have back here, don’t they?! I wonder if maybe there’s been some cross-barrier transport of — of seeds or something! Or perhaps it’s just the convergent evolution Hoshin once described at work—”

[“I wanted you to say, ‘I don’t love you.’ ‘I despise you.’ ‘You’re not my son.’”]

“…What?” Ram croaked. Rem watched silently from beside her, carefully stone-faced as she watched this tragedy unfold. “Subaru, you wanted…what?”

Subaru didn’t answer. He had stopped moving a while ago. He was staring at the metia, unable to look away from his father’s face.

“I mean, really!” Anastasia continued loudly, a frantic edge to her voice. Mimi was nodding along theatrically from beside her. “I wonder if we could cross-breed exact replicas of those — what did you call them, Subaru?! Sakura trees?! If those bushes’ similarities really are just the result of convergent evolution, then—! I mean, I know for a fact we have trees very similar to those sakuras in Kararagi, so it’s not all that far off to conclude that we might be able to—!”

[“I wanted you to tell me that and throw me out. I wanted you to make me give up.”]

“…Oh, fuck,” Anastasia managed, finally unable to avoid listening to the conversation.

Next to her, Julius made a horrible, horrible noise.

Onscreen, Subaru continued to speak about how he had grown past these feelings. How he had found a way to live for himself, to start striving to better himself — and how the people he had met since had allowed him to do so. But Ricardo couldn’t focus on any of that, because all he could think was that THIS was the version of Subaru that his parents remembered.

A young boy, on the cusp of their culture’s idea of adulthood, who had suddenly retreated into his shell amidst disapproval from his peers. Who’s difficulties in interacting with others HADN’T been due to a difference in culture after all, with him struggling so much to make and keep his friends even back home that eventually he had felt that he had no choice but to give up in that pursuit entirely. Who had fled from his duties as a scholar and holed himself up in his room, refusing to leave for any reason except to eat. Who was constantly waiting for his two parents who loved him very much to revoke that affection out of frustration and throw him out.

Who was just waiting for an excuse to go and end himself, giving up for good.

Ricardo suddenly thought about Ana-bo. He wasn’t her biological father, but he had — he had bathed her, and fed her, and secured her work, and fought to protect her from unsavory types, and watched her grow up from a little orphan brat into a strong, capable woman. He had known her, and he had loved her, and she had become — family, to him, most definitely. In a sense, perhaps she could be considered his daughter after all.

What would he have done, if Ana-bo had — sometime on the cusp of adulthood — had withdrawn into herself so completely and utterly that she refused to socialize with anyone unless she were forced to do so? That she no longer tried to work, or learn new things, or improve her skills, but instead escaped into storybook after storybook about being whisked away to a place where she could be someone, anyone other than who she had been before? That she curled up in the corner of her room and waited for Ricardo to throw her out on the street, because then she would finally have an excuse to — to finally go and fucking kill herself?

Stop it, Ricardo hissed at himself. But he couldn’t stop.

He wouldn’t have let it get that first in the first place, first of all: he would have dragged Anastasia out of her room by force and force-fed her a decent lifestyle, if need be. In fact, part of him thought that Subaru’s father had been somewhat useless in that regard: had there really been nothing his old man could do to stop him from crawling into his shell and refusing to come out for several months on end? But even if there wasn’t anything he could do about it, he wouldn’t have abandoned her. Even if he were going by Kararagi’s age of adulthood being 15 where — Japan, it was called — their age appeared to be 18, he still would have known her for four, five full years, and that had been more than enough for him to start caring about her more deeply than he had ever expected being able to care about anyone. What would he have done instead? Well, the answer had to be “whatever he could.”

But then, what would he have done, if — in the middle of a depressive spiral so severe — Anastasia had vanished into the night without a trace? He would look for her, obviously. He’d spare no expense, either, and — and he’d keep a tally of every cent he spent, so that when he finally found her again he could shove the receipt in her face and tell her that she was going to work to earn back every last bit in order to make up for scaring him so badly. But then — if he never found her — he’d never stop looking, would he? Or maybe he’d be forced to stop? But then he’d still be waiting, and he’d still be putting up posters and asking for leads, and as the years passed he’d be thinking of what she might look like now, how she might have aged, what sort of life she might be living far away from home, hoping against hope that she hadn’t actually gone and—

But the reality would be worse.

It would have been better if this hypothetical Ana-bo had been given the mercy of a quick death, on her own terms. It would be better if Ana-bo had died just once. It would be better if she didn’t have to experience — being slit open and bled out, being drained of all her energy bit by bit, being thrown down a hallway and crushed by a giant flail in a place where she was supposed to be safe, being tortured by someone she had thought she could trust in the woods where nobody could hear her cry, being attacked by a pack of vicious, wild animals, being publicly humiliated and beaten half to death for the crime of being a brat in the wrong place at the wrong time, being forced to witness the corpses of all of the people she had grown to care about and told that it was all her fault, being kidnapped and tortured in a cave by a madman, being turned away as she begged and pleaded and prostrated herself for help, being chased by a vicious monster intent on erasing her from existence, being frozen to death bit by bit as a vengeful spirit forced her to suffer through every second, being possessed and forced to beg for a mercy kill right when it looked like the world was about to turn out alright, being blown up, being forced to watch as her support network was shattered behind her back once again as her closest friend was erased from everyone’s mind but her own, being forced to suffer again and again and again without an end in sight—!

Was it a mercy, that Natsuki Kenichi would be forced to conclude that his only son had gone and killed himself? Was it a mercy, that he would never find out the truth of what his child was being forced to endure in his absence? Was it a mercy, was it an injustice, what the actual FUCK was this horrible, horrible—!

“Ricardo?”

With slow, jerky movements, Ricardo turned to face Ana-bo. She was watching him with large, worried eyes. She had been so upset a second ago, staring at that metia with a slack jaw as she made a miserable choking sound, and here she was pushing that aside for his sake. How could he have ever deserved—!

“Mmph!”

Ana-bo made a startled noise as Ricardo practically dove for her, wrapping his arms around her and pulling him tight to his chest so that nobody could ever take her from his side. Normally she would protest this action greatly. But now, after a moment of shocked silence, that wise, kind, clever, wonderful daughter of his hugged him back.

“Ya don’t need to cry,” Ana-bo murmured. “‘M not going anywhere.”

In truth, Ricardo hadn’t even noticed that his cheeks were wet. He didn’t have it in him to be ashamed. All he could do was clutch her close and wait for the shaking to subside, bit by bit.

…If it were Anastasia, Ricardo would have prayed for someone to be looking after her in a situation like this. Father to father, he could do the same for Subaru’s old man if need be.

—Though, from the look on Wilhelm’s face, Ricardo wondered if his own involvement would even be necessary.

Wilhelm had his hands raised to cover his mouth in a decidedly uncharacteristic display, so horrified he was by the reveal of the prior state of that young boy. Subaru had… Subaru had…

This wasn’t what he had expected. A young, dumb boy who got into mischief perhaps a little too often for his own good, sure. But a youth who had shrank away from everything so completely, so utterly, that he had really begun to think that there was no future for him at all—!

What a horrible thing for a father to hear from his son. What an awful thing for a son to voice aloud — or to feel, in the first place. Wilhelm had seen blood and carnage and despair on the battlefield, but for some reason it was now that horrified nausea twisted his insides into knots.

“I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die! No! No! Help me! No! I don’t want to die!”

Subaru hadn’t REALLY wanted to die. But — had he not fully understood that, back then? How could he not have known—!

(Wilhelm did not think of his own son, who…may have been left in a similar state. For all of his courage on the battlefield, the Sword Demon could not bring himself to think about that.)

[“FATHER HEADBUTT!!!”]

[Natsuki Kenichi slammed an axe kick down on the head of his beloved only son.]

Julius squawked loudly, abruptly snapped out of his horrified silence. Next to him, Mimi’s despaired expression shifted as she — mercifully — broke into peals of laughter.

[“A lot of what you just said bothers me, but you know what’s the worst?” Kenichi was scolding, suddenly rather serious. “You wanted me to hate you, so you tried to achieve that by playing hookey? Are you dumb?! And if you want to get me to throw you out, pick a more active method! Who would ditch their own kid just because he retreated into his shell?!”]

Ricardo — relaxed, just the slightest bit. At least…at least that old man had told it to him straight. Right?

[“You’re so twisted, you’re on the fast track to being an idiot!” Kenichi cracked his knuckles, grinning. “I’d be glad to set you straight by force if you want…”]

Wilhelm chuckled weakly, trying desperately to force down his turmoil and keep it cool. “Perhaps…Perhaps all fathers have that attitude, even beyond the Great Waterfall…”

Ferris said nothing. Ferris hadn’t moved an inch since the reveal that Subaru had been waiting for an excuse to go and die. Wilhelm didn’t…know what to do.

[“…But it looks like you’ve already been knocked down and stood yourself back up, so there’s no need.” Kenichi’s voice had softened, his fist relaxing into a hand he extended downwards to pull his son back up. Subaru smiled as he accepted it.]

“They really did love him,” Crusch echoed softly. “Didn’t they?”

Anastasia stared wordlessly at the interaction. A very personal sense of loss gnawed at the heart of the former hyena — and a sense of despair at the dawning realization of just how fucked up this situation really was seemed to take over her mind like an invasive species of poisonous flowers.

She reached forward and pulled all three triplets into her lap, hugging them close.

[“Remember what I said?” Subaru was saying. “I found a girl I like. Plus, there's a girl who said she loved me, despite the way I am. And neither one of them knows I'm the son of Natsuki Kenichi. In their eyes, I'm just Natsuki Subaru.” He sighed aloud. “No, in all of their eyes…I was Natsuki Subaru. I finally figured that out.”]

[“It took you long enough. You’re just now coming around to saying all this? I should whack you.”]

Emilia stared at the screen, eyes dull and faded. Rem’s were much the same. On one hand, it was wonderful to be told that Subaru had achieved something so precious due to their influence. It was perhaps the greatest compliment either of them could receive.

But, on the other hand…

[“Um,” Subaru was saying, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Sorry about putting you through—”]

[“If you feel sorry, all you gotta do is take your time making it up to us.” Kenichi grinned, giving him a thumbs-up. “Take good care of me and your mom when we’re old, my eldest son.”]

In the present moment, Subaru finally made a noise.

It was soft, and quiet, and very hoarse — but Beatrice, who had not taken her eyes off of him once, noticed all the same. “Subaru…?”

Subaru’s pupils had shrunk even past their usual states, his whole body shaking as he stared up at the metia in horror. Tears were staring to bud in the corners of his eyes. More horrible croaking noises were leaving his throat. One by one, the people of the audience turned to see what was going on.

“…Natsuki-san, please—” Otto said, the first to reach out. “It’s alright. It’ll— It’ll be alright—”

“Please don’t cry,” Emilia agreed, unusually gentle. “Please, not…” Not while we can’t hold you.

[The Subaru onscreen had already started to cry. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I— I’m sorry. I can’t— I-I'm sorry! I won't be able to make anything up to you before…” He finally, properly burst into tears. “I will never see you again!”]

As that cold reality was voiced aloud, the Subaru in the present finally sobbed — and with that first step, the entire dam seemed to shatter until there was nothing left for him to do but fall to the floor with a thump, curl into a ball, and wail in despair.

“Subaru—!” Julius cried out, trying desperately to hold back his own tears at the horrible sight.

“Subaru-dono, please!” Wilhelm tried to say, reaching forward to try and ease his cries. His hands met glass. “We’re right here, please just—!”

[“I-I’m sorry!” Subaru apologized, over and over again as his sobs grew and grew and grew. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!”]

“I-I’m sorry,” Subaru echoed weakly, tears streaming down his face to form a puddle under his cheek. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I wanna— I wanna go home—!”

Beatrice choked back a cry of despair of her own. “Subaru—!”

[“No matter how much time passes, you’re still such a handful, son.” Kenichi sighed, but he was smiling as he rubbed a bawling Subaru’s back. “Sheesh…”]

The current Subaru had no such comfort to be given to him. Nobody could reach him, no matter how badly they wanted to, no matter how hard they tried. All there was left for him to do was wail and wail and wail as the horrible despair surrounding his untimely departure collapsed on him anew.

[stinkrat-aleks]

Only if you want to! but would love to hear your thoughts about telepaths/psionics bias within the in-universe mutant community. I've always liked seeing Erik's particular dilemma explored in fanworks since in the movies we got to see his relationship with different telepaths, but I always like seeing it explored more generally too. so I guess I was wondering if you'd explored/thought about these bits of canon too, and of course, no worries if not!

Hello!! Sorry it took me so long to reply to this, I was thinking my answer over and all the stuff I wanted to say (/overthinker).

I think a LOT about psionphobia (or whatever the term would be called) in-universe. Especially because to me, mutations are symbolic for disabilities and different neurotypes. The term “neurodivergent” describes people whose brain differences affect how their brain works…and to me, that means all telepaths are inherently neurodivergent.

Now I see Charles as autistic, but even if he WASN'T autistic, that means his psychic powers affect the way he perceives social situations, information, etc.

And so, when I see in-universe characters (like XMFC Raven) tell Charles to stay out of their minds—while I understand the desire for privacy—it feels ableist to me. I'd understand if Raven asked Charles to keep out of her more private thoughts, but to keep out of her mind in general feels almost like asking an autistic person to stop stimming when they're around you.

Like, that's just the way Charles is. He probably overhears people's thoughts and feelings at a surface level at all times, without the intention of delving deeper.

This artist does a REALLY pretty comic depicting this and it's 1000% how I headcanon Charles' telepathy now, please go read and reblog the full thing if you haven't already:

Artist: yancant on tumblr

I also think just because Charles CAN intrude on people's innermost secrets, doesn't mean he necessarily WILL. Like, lots of people drive a car. Anyone could technically plow that car into a crowd of people. But most other people assume they won't. So we don't freak out when we see cars. Ya know.

With that logic it feels unfair to assume Charles is going to do bad things with his telepathy simply because he can. ALL humans are capable of bad things! Why is he being singled out for the way he thinks.

Re:Erik, he is the only one who seems to understand this. Him inviting Charles to be in his head (in fanworks but also XMFC) shows that he is not only tolerating Charles' mutation but EMBRACING it. (We all know he has a telepathy kink but that's something different okay.) To use the neurodivergent metaphor, he's telling Charles it's okay to unmask around him.

Like obviously this scene is very emotional for Erik, and Charles is definitely too caught up in his savior complex to take notice of his own emotions, but imagine!! Feeling that welcomed in someone else's mind for the first time!! And them not pushing you out or getting angry for touching a sensitive memory!

I have no idea any of that makes sense or if I'm grasping for straws but that's my overall take on it.

ANYWAYS…so that's my overall take on it. In terms of the soccer AU I'm currently working on..I have other thoughts and some of it will be addressed in futuer chapters (I'm gonna try to upload today). So we'll see. Sorry if this completely didn't answer your question LMFAO.

[notmorbid]

all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

[changbinsboobs]

Changbin as husband is next I'm curious for his and hyunjinss

This is the longest fucking reading I've ever had so i just HAD to split it in 2 parts so bear with me. I love him but i hate him right now😩 (no im not)

Husband Series: Changbin pt. 1

Ugh...that guy🫠 i bet you if i let him use up my whole deck he would. The amount of "ok last card" i had to say...and yet there was still so much gushing put...and ugh, i just can't stress enough how much into details he is and how much he wants to stress on them and make sure they don't go unnoticed or get misunderstood or overlooked. Reminds me so much of my audhd friend����. Anyways back on track - tho i don't even know where to begin from, i really think he used up half my deck. I just counted 23 cards😳 i do indeed draw a lot for the others too but thats just next level. Not on topic but i think he's a really chatty drunk😂 now i wanna read on them when drunk🙌🏻😂

Ok soooo since i have so many cards ill try to combine them as much as i can and keep the messages as concise as possible so this post doesn't become a novel - the overall energy i noticed here is not so much emphasis on him as a husband but overall him as a partner in a committed relationship. Which leads me to believe he himself doesn't view marriage with such dread as the others did (there wasn't really any dread with felix bust still a certain anxiety around responsibilities, meanwhile that with changbin is absolutely nonexistent). I would say he seems himself as capable and even ready to take on that responsibility and role if the opportunity presents itself and i think he believes he'll do a good job. He's responsible, capable and can take care of it. I actually sense a feeling of pride in him about that.

Another MAJOR theme is him being a "simp" for his partner (he insists on wife). There are many cards that im trying to sum up:

He's very protective over her and doesn't let anyone say shit about her, he's giving me guard dog vibes. Also a big bodyguardy. I can see him when being out with her eyeing people and being on alert and just idk, looking scary as to scare of any weirdos before they even think about trying something. And to clear any misunderstandings up, im really not getting this coming from jealousy (not that its not there, it is😂, but its just 10% reason, out of 100), but rather because he wants the woman he loves to feel safe and protected around him. He wants her to be able to relax and trust that he will always have her back and keep her safe. He wants her pretty little witty head not to be bothered by ANYTHING!

More from the simpy train - looks up to her a lot and kinda puts her a bit on a pedestal. This is not a very debilitating energy but feels rather like something he has made peace with and accepts - which is that she is indeed better than him and he can never be able to reach her, which means he is incredibly lucky and appreciative of the fact a woman like that has chosen him and he tries whatever he can to live up to her standard and continue to give her reasons to stay with him and continue to love him. Although she can never love him as much as he does (thats his thought🥲). But as i said this doesn't feel victimy to me at all but rather just seems realistic to him and he's a big boy and can accept reality for what it is and choose to feel lucky instead of beating himself up for not being good enough and self sabotage. Im actually really shocked looking at his energy because i can really feel the strength of his mind and ughh just how innovative and flexible he is. His will is just astounding and making me really happy, despite him obviously having some issues he doesn't let himself be defined by it and chooses to spin them to him favor. What an amazing guy💗

Back to the reading - so he spends a lot of time in his head, doing A LOT of 2 things. One is being thinking of his girl and what he can do to make her happy, analyzing previous conversations to see if he missed something or if he has remembered everything. Contemplating if she maybe gave him a hint about something, or if she maybe looked hesitant with something. Maybe her body language was off? He notes that. If there was any difference in her behaviour today, if she looked different. He's really putting LOTS of energy thinking about her and analyzing her and her behaviour. Again this doesn't seem to come from distrust (although he thinks of that as well, its just not his motivator, he just considers everything, thats why) but rather for his own feeling of safety. I think he is a very thoughtful and analyzing and sensitive person in nature so this may be something he always does, except when its something very important to him, and a relationship at that - he does it even more intensely. He doesn't only think about and analyze her tho. He does that to him too, to their relationship as well. He just wants to have a good understanding and overview of everything that is happening in the relationship so he has a sense of control and safety. You can always fix something if you know its broken. Or beginning to bend. You can fix the problem before the branch brakes i think is what he wants to say. And he wants things to run as smoothly as possible with them, and once again he has taken on the responsibility to make his girls life as easy and carefree as possible and how can that happen if he leaves the whole relationship in her hands?! He can't, so he doesn't his part very diligently and tries to keep up on the same level as her, emotional-intelligence-wise.

He also doesn't to just thinking but planing & organizing. So i think he takes lots of care for other stuff too like planing and booking fun dates. If he cant attend then books fun stuff for her. Provide her with the needed tools/means for her to be able to create, to indulge in her hobbies. He really loves that feminine creator energy and really wants to do his best to encourage and provide an encouraging environment for his wife to get in her feminine creator energy and bring him joy with it. Also thats really random but he's always ready and loves giving her massages😂💗(after her long day of crafting). He just loves hearing about it, seeing the excitement in her voice and face. It charges him.

He also spends lots of time fantasizing about her. Reminiscing wonderful dates, imagining potential future ones, creating scenarios etc. He's just A LOT in his head, his mind is really really active, and its very occupied with his love. Also another random message, commitment and love are tied with him somehow. Im seeing he cant commit if he doesn't love but he also cant love if he can't commit. So i would say he's very extreme-y. Like he's either all in or all out. No middle ground. What i mean is he HAS to be this intense in a relationship because for him thats commitment, THATS expressing love. And if he's not able to do that, then his love and interest and enthusiasm begin to fade away. He HAS to be able to be like that in a relationship and i think often he has been labeled (or was) just WAYYY TOO MUCH for the girls he has been in a relationship with. Im seeing he can get very overwhelming and overbearing if the person he's with just isn't the person to enjoy that kind of commitment and effort. But to go back to the cards, he also fantasizes about physical stuff too, for example he's riding in the car, and for the whole ride he's imagining and giggling and wiggling his feet and twirling his hairs because he plays over and over how that one time while they were still just dating she looked him in the eyes with that wet sexy look, and how his whole body got shivers and his stomach dropped and his heart skipped and his palms got sweaty and he swears some saliva started dripping out the corner of his mouth and his knees got weak and he almost felt like he was gonna black out and by the time he came back to his senses she was already sooo close to his lips and them BAM. Fireworks everywhere. He can never forget how that wonderful kiss felt and how sweet the sexual tension and anticipation before it was. He plays stuff like that OVER AND OVER again the whole damn day.

While being on physical stuff, he is pretty horny ill say. But not in a bunny way,m where he wants to fuck 5 times a day, but rather when around his girl he's always half way up, always ready to rise for the occasion iykwim. I think he gets *excited*👀 very easily and is just really weak when it comes to his girl. He's always ready to deliver whenever she ask, whatever she asks. Als im seeing once again he's a giver (and despite him loving head so much) he's focused on her pleasure and he can off just from watching her enjoy...whatever it is. So yeah thats that😂

Bro im so tired im thinking about doing this in 2 parts😭 im just halfway. Ok yk what im splitting it.

[dnangelic]

' huh ?! oh , no --- ! it's not that i don't think you're strong enough to hold him or anything ! ' he sweats , he frets in place ! ' i just --- i-if somehow he did turn into a bother ... ! it'd be wrong to keep you holding him forever ! '

because , especially after asking how to hold him , would sakura have known how to hand him off or put him down ?! there was the idea that wiz might have been heavier in his mind than he really was , too --- the occasional night of being practically suffocated by wiz's entire body on his face as he tried to sleep had lent itself to things .

' wiz usually has a good sense for people , though ... ! ' he nervously hesitates , then mildly continues on : ' maybe even better than me , aha ... '

after all , how many times had wiz tried to protect him from someone dangerous before he even understood that they were a danger ? likewise , maybe the people that he could burrow himself into and still feel completely , utterly safe beside , were different from daisuke's own ideas , if not fears and worries of them .

--- still , the only one who'd end up transforming just from something like a hug and cuddle wasn't wiz , but his owner .

' um , do animals not usually like you , sakura-san ... ? ' it doesn't take long for daisuke to anxiously shoo away his own question --- he didn't want sakura to find more offense in things somehow and end up growling at him like a disturbed animal herself . ' it can depend on the animal or its personality , sometimes , but most of the time , as long as you're patient and gentle ... and willing to take care of them a little , then i don't think there's any reason that you couldn't be --- ! '

because even if he didn't actually know whatever it was he was apparently supposed to know , ( yanno --- ? ) he wanted to at least believe in that much ; in sakura's capabilities if not the entirety of her own self . anyone that could hold wiz while he slept could have been trusted with just about anything ...

( ... anything ? )

' er --- wha ... ? ' all of the sudden , his cheeks inflame . it's only now that he seems to realize the way sakura's pointedly looking at him . it's in the next instant too that he practically bursts with volume . ' oh , sorry !! did i say something weird ?! i didn't mean anything by it ! really ... ! ' stupid , stupid ! ' of course it's nice for him ! i mean , i-it's probably amazing ?! i just ... s-sorry , i'll be right back ... ! '

he can hear wiz's head pop up with a small , curious : kyuu ? and the ensuing animal thrash to break out of sakura's arms . all the while , his shoes slam against the pavement as he starts to turn rapid corners . he's let his guard down --- whether he really was or whether he wasn't about to , what would he do if he transformed ... ?! then again , maybe it was better to just let it come ? even as he tells himself not to think about anything , even as he tries to run away , the thoughts still come in a buzzing barrage , bursting past every wall and flooding his mind , his body and his heart . wanting to be held too , wanting to be able to hold someone , anyone , even just once --- there was no way he could have ever admit anything like that . some things were easier for an animal ; simpler , and despite the sharpening whet of his teeth in his mouth , or the painful split at his shoulders giving way to folded black wings , his laments remained all too human .

( i've gotta find someplace to hide --- ! )

a cursory thought and survey of his surroundings interrupted by the crying sound of wiz fast-racing towards him . daisuke --- dark's shoulder's jump . ' no , wiz --- ! ' any amount of his melancholy instantly turns into a silent scream of anxiety --- his heart leaps from a sprint to an even more painful race . ' don't come here ! go somewhere else ! ' if wiz had already left sakura , then --- ! ' you're going to lead sakura-san right towards me --- !! '

He thinks, and it should...do something, probably, but it doesn’t—really and truly, she is almost entirely focused on the little rabbit in her arms. It probably isn’t really fair to focus on’im like this, but she can’t entirely help it, either.

The idea that a rabbit would be heavy for her is just as outta the blue as the allergy question, though, enough to make Haruka raise an eyebrow in genuine disbelief; “D’ya really think it’s possible for’im to get too heavy for me?”

Is there somethin’ else he’s worryin’ about?? She can’t help but be confused as all shit; ‘cause sure, she ain’t exactly the poster-perfect example of knowin’ what the hell to do in just about every situtation possible, but geez! She’s muscles and strength all over—she’s trained this body of’er’s for years, dammit!!—so how the hell can he stand there and worry about somethin’ like a rabbit’s weight???

“He can’t even be but, what, a couple’a kilograms? I can handle that—honest.”

(And if she sounds a little desperate adding that on, shut up about it; most of it’s eclipsed by a bit more offense, too, anyway, so may ‘s well focus on that.)

“...‘people he really likes’, though...” All the offense leaves her in a second at the thought, the rest of her thought dying with her voice; he’s decided she’s one of’em? One of the people he not just likes, but really likes?

“...I’d’ve never thought that I could be. I—I’ve never been, yanno...”

Liked. She spent fifteen years not being liked, being hated, by everyone around’er. Moving here to Makochi has been somethin’ else in terms of all that, of course, and even meetin’ Dai has been, too, but...she’d have never considered something like this. She’d never even imagined that she would one day be holdin’ someone, something, so intent to be close to her that they’re diggin’ into her hold, small white paws pressin’ and pushin’ with a determination she didn’t even think a rabbit could have. He even headbutts her, too, his fuzzy head thumping against her chest before he finally seems to get comfortable, all his movement stoppin’ and just...just laying there, in her arms, right up against her...

It’s— He’s so—

She doesn’t know what it’s like. But... She likes it. A lot.

“I won’t do that stuff, then.” She promises, even if it is a little more than half-distracted. “But ‘m glad I ain’t doin’ it wrong already, too.”

Not that she meant to add that out loud, but she doesn’t mind too much that she did (what could she mind, right now?). His follow-up, though, confuses her a bit, her mismatched brows joining together outta confusion as she glances at him.

“Whaddya mean by that?” She asks—not accusing, and nowhere near the realm of anger. She genuinely just doesn’t know what he means, especially with his own tone; What’s he sound sad for? Does he want Wiz back already, or is he...?

“If he’s lookin’ like he’ll sleep, doesn’t it mean that it is nice for’im?”

[deoidesign]

Time and Time Again comes back tonight!

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.

My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!

So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.

[unopenablebox]

attempt to idly discuss concept of custom wedding vows with 🌸 ground to a halt after the realization that neither of us actually, like, wants to try to figure out what the fuck we'd be promising

can you do custom vows, but instead of vows to do stuff, it's just a list of the superbly good qualities of the other person in order to make it clear why any rational actor would agree that you should obviously plan to keep hanging out with them as long as possible

[grimm-the-tiger]

My FL main went through some really weird, organic development over the...oh god, I think it's been five years since I started playing now.

So my main is named Skadi Larkin. They are a little bastard. They started out extremely 2D; I named them after my favorite Norse goddess and the protagonist of the book I was reading at the time. I originally wanted to make them female like both of their namesakes, but the second I saw the third-gender option, I thought it was too good to pass up. This is where they got their primary base characterization as a mad scientist who wanted to Cause Problems.

Then I started the Nemesis ambition and forgot which option I'd chosen for who I was trying to avenge, so they lost both their lover and their older brother under tragic circumstances (only the lover was killed by Nemesis's antagonist, though).

Then I got an Exceptional Friendship and had to give my tragic backstory in order to gain entry to the House of Chimes. Skadi pulled said tragic backstory (orphaned in a hansom accident) more or less out of their ass, but it did establish that their parents are dead.

Somewhere down the line, I realized that technically Skadi is a linguist, since the Correspondence is a language, and I made that their profession on the Surface as well.

Around this time, I started working on character designs for my fan comic. I got really into messing around with skin tone, and somewhere along the line thought it would be fun to draw Skadi (who was originally white) with darker skin, and it stuck.

Then I abruptly realized I was taking a lot of options that increased my Melancholy, and almost all of them were based on the Surface. So now Skadi has a longing for the Surface.

I left the game for a few years, but somewhere during this stretch of time, and I don't know how this happened, but I decided Skadi was now Native American; specifically, Metis. I changed their design to incorporate a sash woven in a style characteristic of the Metis, which also added a bit of color to their design (which was mostly black or grey at this point).

During this time, I started incorporating Skadi into my fan comic. This would eventually lead me to actually flesh out their backstory in greater detail. When I started playing the game again, I also created my first alt by total accident (long story), and I decided to weave her backstory with Skadi's.

So Skadi is in the interesting position of being an Indigenous person who is what we'd probably consider Two-Spirit today but they'd just call "Bollocks to that gender crap". They never belonged on the Surface, since the Metis are in a bit of a liminal space compared to other tribes due to their interesting background (the Metis are the descendants of French settlers and Indigenous inhabitants, mostly Cree), and Skadi exists in a liminal space within that liminal space due to only being half-Metis and raised primarily in white culture, although they still maintained a connection to it through their late mother. They also never belonged because no one else on the Surface outside of the communities they already felt isolated from would ever accept them for their gender. London gave them a chance to express one of those, but not both, and despite knowing that the Surface hates them just for existing, they still long to return.

[anotherpapercut]

working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do