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cosmiciaria · 4 years ago

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Assasin’s Creed III Remaster review - Spoilers! - Long post!

I wanted to keep this spoiler free, but as this game is such a narrative experience, I don't think I'll be able to. I'll try to keep them at minimum, but be warned: there are major spoilers ahead. By the way, this game is almost a decade old, so y'all had plenty of time to get spoiled beforehand. And if you're reading this, it's because you like this game and you probably know how it ends.

Review under the cut because this is way too long.

As always, I express my feelings and impressions regarding my experience with a game – I write it because I like writing reviews instead of, I don't know, recording a video for YouTube. I'm not a YouTuber and I feel safer behind a keyboard where people don't point out about my weird accent (the accent every Hispanic person has when they speak English). Since the pandemic started, I found refuge and comfort in AC games, with Syndicate being my first contact with the franchise, and Unity solidifying my love for it. I found strength and weaknesses in all the installments I've played, which are almost all of them by now (excluding the first AC with Altaïr, the new saga with Origins, Odyssey and Valhalla, and Rogue). I've also platinumed three of those games I've played, and I'm on my way to platinum this one, so I think I can speak from a deep fan standpoint by now.

Since Syndicate, I studied from up close each of the protagonists of the mainline games. I felt drawn to Arno because he looked like one of my oc's (and his girlfriend looked like my oc's girlfriend as well); I wanted to learn about Ezio because he's a fan favorite; I wasn't at all impressed by Edward but ended up growing fond of him; I respect Altaïr for what he means to the Brotherhood; but I can safely say, that I haven't felt as attracted to a main AC protagonist as I felt with Connor.

From the moment I knew he was a native American (such a bold choice, it seemed for me) I felt instant attraction – but not the, idk, physical (he's a cutie I give it to you), but because of what he could bring about as a main character. A perspective we don't usually get to see, and personally, as I'm not American, a point of view to educate me on a different side of history. I wanted to see what they could do with him as the star of the game, I wanted to play with him and understand how someone like him could rise up and become a protagonist of such a well known and beloved saga of games. I applaud this decision from Ubisoft, whether they did it because they wanted to look progressive or not, I don't care, I'll always cherish that the protagonist of a famous videogame is a Mohawk. And with the American Revolution as the main stage, no less. Such an important scenario to strengthen the virtue of independence, patriotism and love for a country, going hand in hand with a character that represents America even more than the Founding Fathers.

(Also I'm a Hamilton Fan Trademark so I couldn't stop singing random parts of songs while playing this game, it was a nightmare every time Lafayette appeared on screen because I JUST HAD TO start mumbling Guns and Ships)

I lunged blindly into this game – I'd only spoiled myself the very ending because I played Black Flag before – so imagine my surprise when I first saw Haytham, Connor's father, as the main protagonist.

So here's the deal. Let's clear this out of the way.

I thoroughly enjoyed the game. It was what I expected and more.

But.

Yes, there's always a but in AC games, you know the drill.

As I kept playing with Haytham, charming though he was, I kept thinking to myself "ok but when does Connor come into play". I also already knew Haytham was a Templar, so the end of the first few sequences didn't catch me by surprise – actually, what caught me by surprise was that there was no mention of Assassins or Templars during the "prologue" with Haytham, instead you're left to believe they're all Assassins until he prays to the Father of Understanding and you realize with a gasp "oH NoO!".

You play with Haytham the first three sequences. One of these have the most memories out all of the sequences more or less. This whole thing can take up to three to five hours depending on how much time you wish to put into exploring or completing the optional objectives. And still no signs of Connor.

Connor does come eventually – as a child – by sequence 4. It's not until the end of sequence 5 that you get to play as (almost) adult Assassin Connor, so maybe five or six or even seven hours into the game and you're barely starting.

I know what they did here. I understand. And this is what I meant when I said they were going for a 'narrative experience'. To make you play as Haytham before, to lure you into a false sense of safety believing he was an Assassin working for a just cause, to make you feel invested in his relationship with Ziio – only to discover he's one of the bad guys, that will eventually give birth to our true hero of the game – it sediments everything perfectly. It tells you everything you need to know to understand these characters and their motivations. I can see where they're going and some of it can be quite predictable, but it was done right. On the narrative aspect at least.

I got used to Haytham by the time we switch to Connor, we're used to his cloak and his three pointed hat – his accent, his sassiness, his everything. You grow fond of him and you think, hey, maybe it isn't so bad to not play as Connor, I can roll with this – until the sudden change happens. The game completed its purpose: let you know and care for Haytham, only to strip him away from your hands and bring you the real protagonist with an interesting background that didn't need to be told, but it was instead shown to us players. What a better way to tell a story.

But the problem is – most of Haytham's memories are fillers. For starters, the very first memory where you appear in the opera house (similar to that one at the end of Black Flag… mmm) serves as a tutorial for climbing and killing with the hidden blade. Then the whole memory on the ship to Boston – completely expendable and removable, the story doesn't suffer from it. All the memories used with Haytham as tutorials – how to shield from an open line of fire, how to use ranged weapons, how to sneak and find stores and viewpoints, how to use horses and walk on snow, fricking Ben Franklin – everything, everything could've blended in better. You could still tell the story you wanted in only one sequence playing with Haytham, and end it the way it does end in sequence 3, without avoiding any important detail to frame Connor's backstory as well – but instead, this part with Haytham does feel like it overstays its welcome, and by the end you're just hoping it ends soon, it drags on for too long, and there's no real sense of thread pulling the strings together here, everything just kind of 'happens'.

But the never-ending prologue doesn't end there (badam tum tsss), because Connor still isn't an Assassin. Connor is not Connor actually, as I had been led to believe prior to playing this game: his real name is Ratonhnhaké:ton, which I wish it was used more often than it was. Ratonhnhaké:ton is like four or five years old when you first play with him, and his village is assaulted by what we assume are Charles Lee's men, a Templar and companion to Haytham. Ratonhnhaké:ton swears revenge upon these putrid British invaders and he grows up resenting the death of his mother, who died in the fire provoked by these Templars.

Not even knowing what a Templar or an Assassin is, Ratonhnhaké:ton is sent by one of "the spirit guides" (actually, Juno, one of the Precursor people) to seek the Brotherhood. When he's around 14, he sets out of his village into the wide world and finds Achilles, who will become his Assassin mentor – that is, after completing a set of tasks that yet again seem to go on forever. Ratonhnhaké:ton turns into Connor to cover his true origins, a name I thought it was random, but by the end I realized how wrong I was.

It isn't until Connor turns 17 that he becomes a fully-fledged Assassin – and you might think, well, Ezio became an Assassin at the same age – yes, but it didn't take him five sequences to reach there. I can't believe I'm defending Ezio.

It's not that I didn't enjoy playing as Connor when he was a kid, no, and I also don't think that part of the game should be skipped since it shows his people, family and friends – maybe comprised, yes, into only one sequence – the real problem here is the fact that first you need to play what could be considered the longest prologue ever, even longer than Kingdom Hearts 2's one, and you're teased with grasping the real protagonist but no, because there's still more 'prologue' to cover with Connor's rise to the Brotherhood. The real, real story, begins in sequence 6, and even then you still have a lot of tutorials to listen from the NPC on duty.

And if you do the maths – you're halfway through the game – halfway! – and you're just starting. The game has twelve sequences and the meat of the plot is on the last six. Then, why did I play all the previous parts?

For the 'narrative experience' thing I talked about. They wanted to lay the groundwork for a better, compelling storytelling, and I can appreciate it, but not when it hinders the pace of the game this way.

That is, certainly, my biggest issue with the game. The pace. If you're going to give me such a slow start, introducing characters non-stop, and only give me resolutions, discoveries and action packed sequences on the later half, then the story isn't balanced at all – I understand that at some points you need to slow down and sink in what's going on; you can't also introduce ten characters in one cutscene because that's just bad story telling – but the memories of this game are clearly not well organized and weren't thought with the player in mind, but rather with the story in mind. To think that the first mission you do as a full Assassin is to receive more and more tutorials on how the fast travel points work and how you can lower your notoriety (as far as gameplay goes in this mission, it's only walking around at a slug's pace to follow the NPC giving you instructions) it does feel like a slap in the face after all the things and hours and effort you put into it to finally reaching this point (which, I remind you, it's by sequence six!).

It's at this point where I can't blame people for not following through with this game. I have plenty of friends who abandoned it even before reaching this part. And I found myself having trouble to return to it: I only wanted to go back to it because I knew I had to like Connor, I knew he wouldn't disappoint me as a character.

Boy, was I RIGHT!

Now, to be honest, I may be biased, like I said: I was instantly attracted to Connor due to his backstory and I wished to see what he could bring to the table. And I have to say, he didn't disappoint me at all.

Maybe you know or maybe you don't, but up until this point, my fave Assassin was Arno: he showed weaknesses and he suffered the consequences of his actions, to the point of no return, that rendered him vulnerable and a mere human being. And I love me a good vulnerable character who knows their limits and strives to get out of that pit. I love me a good, compelling character that has growth and agency and isn't made of cardboard or has a one-dimensional personality. And Connor delivered on this front.

Connor might very well be my new fave Assassin. I'm sorry, Arno. I still love you babe. But Connor… I never found myself rooting for a character more than I did with him. I wanted him to succeed, I wanted his people to be saved, I wanted to see his ideals become a reality – and he's got so much agency, he's a storm when he comes into a scene, his naivety mixed with the brutality of his killings, the simplicity of his reasonings – he's an idealist, and he fights for it, whether we like it or not, and that devotion to his own creed is at least respectable, let alone admirable. He's never downplayed for his upbringing or his ethnicity, he works among the most notorious people as if he was another one of them, he's well respected in his community, he shows kindness and always offers a helping hand to those in need, but never doubts to plunge his blade into this opponent's throats, fearlessly, he doesn't mind telling George Friking Washington to shut the hell up and not follow him because he'll kill him (there's such a pleasure in a native reprimanding enslaver Washington) – he's, simply put, a great hero.

I've seen many complain that he's boring, or that the actor who played him, Noah Watts, delivered lines in an emotionless way – the only thing that could make him 'boring' is the fact that he's not a lady's man like Ezio was, and to my eyes that's a plus. He speaks slowly and modulates well in English because that's not his mother tongue, and I can appreciate when a company puts these little details, like his way of speaking changing throughout the game as he gained more confidence with this new language he was learning to use. As non-English native speaker, I certainly can commune with the feeling of adapting my tongue and my brain to a new language, and I also know that I speak weirdly to those who are native, maybe I don't have the same intonations, and maybe I sound emotionless as well, who knows, but I can't think of a better portrayal of a non-English character speaking English in videogames than this one. They remained faithful to his culture, and even though I noticed Noah didn't speak Mohawk as fluently as English, I can still feel pleased with the fact that Connor speaks in his mother tongue in all of the scenes he interacts with Mohawks (that's something they did better here than in Unity, where not a single character has even a French accent. I switched the language spoken to French in my subsequent playthroughs, much to my disappointment, because I really liked the Canadian actors). I know subtitles may seem threatening to some, but I wish they did this more often: deliver more lines in the original language of each of the protagonists. It shows care and respect. And I think this game excels at respect.

So, yes, I liked Ratonhnhaké:ton, as you can see. Maybe a lot. Too much.

I also really, really enjoyed his relationship with Haytham.

When Haytham appears back in to the fray it's when the plot picks up. Their interactions are gold: I love the rivalry, I love that Haytham is constantly testing his son, and I love the tiny bits that may show or make us believe that Haytham has a soft spot for him – I love that we never truly know what's going on through Haytham's mind, why does he do the things he does – but what I enjoyed the most about these two fighting together is the fact that they represent opposing forces, a clash of interest, and they bring back the concept of the blurred line between the Templars and the Assassins, their different methods. Haytham represents the collectiveness of the Templars, through him we learn of what they truly uphold as right and just, and behind some of his reasonings you can see sense and understanding – you comprehend his goals, you get to know your enemy, your antagonist, which is something, for instance, the Ezio trilogy lacks (because Templars bad bad pium pium die Templar bad guy) and Unity and Rogue tried to do but ultimately ended wasting its potential. I never understood Templars more than I did through Haytham, and sometimes I found myself nodding at some of his statement, like 'hey… huh… he's not that wrong about this…'. But still, we're led to believe that the good guys, the Assassins, are never wrong, so we pull through with Connor – only to realize that yes, Haytham was right in many aspects, and yes, Haytham has lied to us and he needs to be stopped.

It's here when my love for Connor reached its ultimate stage: when he denies both his father (Templars) and Washington (for whom the Assassins were working). It's here where you see the true agency of this character. It's not black or white, as Ezio's games were; it's not that he was expelled against his will from the Brotherhood like in Unity; it's not that because of a clash of interest now he resorted to the Templars, like in Rogue; no, it's the philosophy of the very first AC game with Altaïr: Templars and Assassins are one and the same, they only differ in their methods, and when Connor comes to this realization, his struggle is visible and he puts his people first. Like always.

He remains true to his personality. He's grown, he's seen the truth, but he must make a decision. And after all, we're here because we want to see him protect his people. That's his real main driving force and we root for him because of it.

Now, I've spoken a lot about our main character. But, what about the secondary ones?

Achilles, Connor's mentor, hides more than he's willing to share – but slowly his backstory unfolds. In his homestead, Davenport, you're able to build a community with different townsfolk that you can invite to live with you through special sidequests, which combine plot and gameplay seamlessly. Through the homestead missions, you get to know Achilles and the other inhabitants and you see them thrive and grow into a tight-knit community close as family. I daresay that these missions were my favorite out of the whole game, and seeing the town grow not only in NPC's walking around but also in sounds, steps, people working and laughing and dogs barking and kids playing, gave me all the fuzzy and cozy feelings of a warm blanket in winter. Most of Connor's innocence and kindness is shown through these missions, and there are also some really good jewels hidden there, like the quest that asks you to guide the pigs back inside – damn. This game gave me very good laughs.

On a gameplay level, this game is light years away from its predecessors – the parkour alone has been revamped and revitalized, making it more fluid. Free running now isn't a chore anymore. Now you can hunt, which is a great part of Connor's backstory and culture, so it's good to see they blend gameplay with plot like this. There's a crafting system that took me ages to understand, but thankfully I got the hang of it. The combat is pretty much the same (counter kills always for the win) and the difficulty remains quite easy, as the games that came before. I wasn't looking for a challenge so I'm fine with it. Now, if you're looking for a challenge… the optional objectives got it covered for you. Because, good lord, they made these stupid main missions so much unnecessarily HARDER and IMPOSSIBLE to complete without having three or four ragequits and sometimes you have to restart up to ten times. To be honest, I never found myself more enraged with the optional objectives than I was with these missions, and I thought Unity's optional constraints were stupid ass complicated, I was wrong. This game. Must be. The most. Annoying. Piece of videogame. To platinum.

Apart from the 'oh I want to die optional objectives' thing, you have naval missions – which, yes, you guessed it, take place on a ship – I guess they were testing the mechanics for a (not so far away) future pirate game, because I can see the seeds of what later Black Flag came to be. It's serviceable and it fulfills its purpose, but as I don't like ships much, I left it on hold for the endgame.

If you don’t dig the naval missions nor the main missions, there’s plenty to do in this game: you have the aforementioned homstead missions, the club challenges (which can take... quite a while), the underground fast travel points (a nice change of pace, though you can easily grow tired of them), the liberation missions, which will see you help liberate a city from Templar control and recruiting a new Assassin apprentice, much like in Brotherhood and Revelations; taking Forts, hunting like there’s no tomorrow, courier, delivering items and message delivery missions, a ton of collectibles, etc, etc.

You might realize I stopped talking about the plot by the time I reached sequence 6 – yes, it's because I'm a little upset with it.

I said that we're here because we want to see Connor protect his people and triumph against the Templars. Yes. We receive that, yes. Amidst. A thousand. History. Lessons.

In my Ezio's Collection review, I complained that in Revelations we were shoved history in the face – I hadn't still finished AC3, because then I would've mentioned something about it. Connor comes across all the important figures of the American Revolution in such a contrived way – he acts as a guardian angel of this revolution, aiding each of the emblematic characters that took part in. I can roll with it in my suspension of disbelief (how come this one person was present at every major event, you know), what I can't roll with is the fact that he was present at the Declaration of Independence – this is some Ken Follett level of bs of probability of something happening to a character. Besides, it's always latent though never truly explicitly addressed, but Connor's skintone was something that should've deterred him from even speaking to someone like Washington – let alone, be present at the moment they signed the Declaration. He does mention at some point that freedom and this new nation was only for white men, and that he acknowledged that slaves deserved as much freedom as everyone else was fighting for; I'm glad he addressed the elephant in the room, though I'm also glad they didn't make the whole thing about it, because normalizing a character like this as a main protagonist was the main idea, I think, when they chose a Mohawk to represent the American Revolution. Still, that someone like him was able to achieve all he achieved in a plot like this, it only means he has some kind of Main Protagonist Shield, otherwise I doubt this could've served as a realistic story for anyone else in the same situation as him. It's, uh, a little hard to believe, that's all. Whereas I can see Arno existing within the historical frame of the French Revolution, without being the one that let the guillotine fall on King Louis' head, this one was a little more far-fetched.

I haven't touched upon the Desmond part – the present day of this game is more, uh… present than ever. And I loved it! I loved it because it delved deep into the Precursor's lore, and also it fleshed out Desmond's relationship with his father, and we actually do shit with Desmond – though that part of the Brazilian stadium, huh, for a company that paid too much attention and consulted with experts on the Mohawks, they clearly left Brazil out of their investigations. I forgive them, they tried.

The music… didn't have as much personality as other installments, it was kind of there, and right now I can't evoke a single theme except for the main menu one, so there you go, it's quite forgettable for my taste, sadly.

I forgot to mention that: this game looks gorgeous. I played the Remastered version of the game, and sometimes it looked like it was done for the PS4 instead of being a remaster (it does look better than Black Flag which came afterwards!). Lighting is magical, the trees breathe life into the screen, the water effects are crystal and realistic; many times I felt like was horse-riding in a Last of Us game (yes, I just compared Ubisoft to Naughty Dog, don't hit me). Davenport Homestead is my favorite location, now more than ever, because it's not only beautiful, but it also means home.

This game accompanied me in a very important moment of my life: I sprained my ankle and I spent a week in bed recovering, while also pondering about my job and the prospects of my future; I took many decisions while playing regarding what I want for my life. I cried at the end because I realized I had become too attached to the characters and because I was so sad to see Connor keep losing things. It all comes full circle by the end. It's a very mature ending, maybe a little unfulfilling, but reality is often disappointing and not everything needs a happily ever after.

All in all, my major complaint goes to the structure of the game and the poor organization they gave to it (AND THE OPTIONAL OBJECTIVES DAAJKSDAD). But Connor as a character in itself made it all worthwhile for me. And I'll always cherish him. I know he won't resonate with everyone, but he resonated with me.

#videogame review #review #assasins creed iii #ac3 #aciii #connor kenway #ratonhnhaké:ton #ubisoft #haytham kenway #assassins creed #assassins creed 3

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wendibird · 4 years ago

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SPN 15X15 Observations

The saga of my shitty cable/internet provider continues. This week I was again watching it on my computer through the streaming app since TV still isn’t getting reliable reception, and my internet connection kept dropping! (Luckily, I’ve also set it to record, so I was able to re-watch the episode after it aired.) So, my notes are much less coherent probably, and I’ve had a long day so my after-episode thoughts probably are too.

Everything else under the cut for those who wish to avoid spoilers and all my rambling:

- Connor isn't going to last long. - wtf? (freaky teddy bear!) - "she and I used to have a thing"? Seriously Dean? - Cas: "Sam?" (aka "Please be the reasonable one.") - soooooo much salt from Cas. - "Agent Swift!" - BABY YODA!!!! - I think the crossroads thing is Cas just making a phone call more or less. - Cas, there are NEVER "too many cats". - LOL I love Cas' literalness - Eeeeee..... love them bonding. - Hrm. So there's definitely a karmic element to these killings. I mean, "Lair" seemed like a bit of a stretch for the other kid, unless the "lie" was in him agreeing with the snobby girls. But I have a feeling this lady here is going to end up with something like "thief" carved into her. (So, thoughts: Avenging Angel? Just Deserts? Probably something new.)

- Also I feel like there was maybe something in that "previously" scene that I don't remember seeing before. (Was talking about Dean going into detail about needing to take Amara out as well as Chuck. I remember part of that conversation, but some parts felt "new" to me? Though I've only seen through this current season once, so I might just not be remembering everything right.) - Sam's worried/concerned about Jack! <3 - "At least this time it's not you and me." Oh man does that feel like foreshadowing. - Not sure I trust the pastor. - I've been watching this show too long. They all feel sketchy. Especially the girl with the headband. *LOL* - Oh man. Are they really going "Torture Porn" on us again? (Apparently) - His (Jack’s) Mom died 3 years ago too. - "I have more dads than most." <3 - "Put your trust in God." Wow. *LOL* Poor Jack. - Cas, you're totally one of his dads. But yes. It is complicated. - Ahhh. Maybe that's what the "Liar" thing was about. (Connor being gay and hiding it?) - Hi Amara! (My cat wants to get into my closet.)

- Amara's still in relatively light colors.

(Stupid internet signal is being a pain)

- I wish I knew what was going on.

(Aaaaand more internet problems)

- I love Cas! (still confused about what's going on.)

- So, what's with the random demon in the squad car? - Dammit.... I had a feeling Jack would end up having to die to kill Chuck and Amara.

(OKAY! Now that the episode is over, I'm going to re-watch parts of it so I can find out what the hell I missed! (still irritated))

- Jack HAS one of those teddy's! I wonder which one got it for him.... (My guess is Sam or Cas) - Maybe it was Zack in the cop car at the end? He DID say he was really bored. - Reason why I was thinking it might be something supernatural was because the one who did it seemed to know in advance who they were going after, but that lady just now stole from the poor box. So, how did the daughter know? Unless she'd done it before? Hrm. - Minor note: "We've been on the road almost two days." WTF? SPN doing somewhat realistic travel times?! *LMAO* - Trying to tell what's in her other hand. Looks like it's duct-taped closed into a fist around something. A transmitter maybe? It's an odd detail that I don't think gets explained. - So, did she call him a "liar" because she saw the two of them as having dated and then he came out as gay at some point? - So, they're just gonna leave the Impala there while it's gassing up? *LOL* - I still love Cas for this part. Sharing his "Journey". - Okay, got to see the guys' talk with Amara. (At least the first half of it.) I still think it's risky for Dean to tell her about Jack even being a player on the board. Though I get that he had to give her SOMETHING so she would get that the threat is credible. That they actually CAN do something against Chuck. - Also, SPN can't settle on its history. *LOL* But that's nothing new. Back in S5 it was God and Death and Death couldn't remember who came first. Then at the end of Season 10 we got an updated version with the Darkness (Who didn't seem to have met Death prior to her imprisonment.) Now, Darkness and God were twins. - Ewwwwww.... dead guy. - Wow.... They actually textualized that. (About Mary.) - He sounded like he meant it when he said "I will never hurt you." - I still love Cas being a subtle badass. - Jack... it's NOT the only way... (And I'm pretty sure Sam HAS forgiven Jack. But I don't think they've really talked.)

SO.

I apologize that my "notes" this time are a train-wreck, but so was my internet connection, so sadly, this is what happens when I watch part of the episode, miss some important bits, and watch most of the rest of it (while still missing more bits) and then when it's finally over I can finally go back and re-watch the bits I'd missed. And I wound up mostly just re-watching the whole thing again anyway. And some things definitely made more sense, and I definitely noticed some things I hadn't caught the first time.

I know a lot of people aren't going to like it because it mostly featured Cas and Jack while being light on the brothers. (But there WAS some good brother content!) I did enjoy it well enough though. (Like, it's not gonna make my top 10 total episodes, but I liked it better than a lot of the ones earlier this season.)

Organizing my thoughts is gonna be a bit hard (I've had a long day) but I'll make an attempt here.

Cas and Jack's arc: It definitely had a more old-school SPN horror vibe to me, though more like some of the newer horror movies (like Saw and the like) and I think both characters were written well. We had two awkward angels who still don't get all things human, but they obviously care. There was also a lot of talk about God in a way that I felt made both of them feel awkward considering their perspective on Chuck. I do still wonder though about some of the details of what Sylvia was doing. Like, I get how she'd probably been stewing about the one boy for a while. But the lady (could never quite tell if it was Valerie or Mallory) had literally JUST stolen from the donation box when she stepped outside into the trap laid for her. So, was this maybe a habit of her's? How would Sylvia have known about it beforehand? And also, what was with the crossroads demon at the very end posing as/possessing a police officer? Is he going rogue because he's bored? Is he acting on some weird kind of orders? I saw some theories about maybe the Dad made a crossroads deal to spring his daughter, but... I dunno. Unless it's supposed be a tease for something to come later, it feels odd and random.

Overall, I did really like Cas in this episode. I thought his blend of salt, cluelessness, and altruism was good, and I loved what he said about his past, and how he found his new purpose. Because he has been drifting quite a bit since he lost his original purpose. But he definitely seems to have found it again with Jack. So naturally he gets to find out that Jack is fated to die taking out God and the Darkness. *sigh* Dude CANNOT catch a break! Also, JACK! I love him so much! (And honestly, I'd had suspicions already that this is what had been troubling him. I'm glad he finally told one of his dads at least.)

Also, just wanna reiterate, I loved that bit at the beginning when Dean suggests Cas and Jack go tackle this case "that probably isn't anything (supernatural)" and he turns to Sam like "Please be the sane one here." (My hope/headcanon is that Sam encouraged him to go because he knows something has been troubling Jack, and if Jack won't open up to Sam about it, maybe he was hoping he'd open up to Cas at least. Then maybe SOMEONE could help him. But I don't know if the writers are thinking that deeply about Sam.)

Speaking of Sam and Dean... Okay, overall I thought their part of the episode was okay for what we saw. Like, the brother talk in the Impala, mild bickering about driving times and regular mundane stuff. Also their talk with Amara had some GOOD emotional beats in it. For Dean and Amara. Sam was mostly just there. And then he wasn't even there for the main part. So... *sigh* It's not that I begrudge Dean having that moment. I mean, he definitely had more of a connection to Amara than Sam did. But it still feels like not much really happened with him besides being a soundingboard and showing some concern for Jack. Hopefully we get more of him actually being important to the plot in upcoming episodes.

But let me reiterate that I DID like the talk Dean and Amara had! I'm glad that she textualized something that I know a lot of fans have theorized about Mary and her purpose narratively. That prior to her resurrection she had been put on this pedestal, but Dean and Sam were actually able to get to know the real woman. That the real woman was better than the memory because she WAS real. Flaws and all. (Not that I blame Dean for being angry.) I'm just glad that it was said outright. Because I got the feeling from some of the things Samantha Smith has said at cons that that was part of the point of Mary's character since S12, to make her real. And I know a lot of people couldn't see past her flaws and still hate her. (I DO think some things could have been handled better with her character, but that's not the point of this long rambly post today.) Also, when Dean said that he could never hurt her? It felt like him telling the truth. Maybe he was able to get that feeling across because technically he WAS telling the truth, since the plan is for Jack to be the one doing the hurting. But I dunno.

Anyway, overall I thought it was a decent episode. It had some good character moments in it, and considering I thiiiiink the next episode is going to be very Sam and Dean heavy, I'm not gonna begrudge Cas and Jack some screentime in this one since things are likely going to be getting dicey here fairly soon.

(And again, I apologize for how scattered this is this time.)

P.S. Oh, and one last thing before I forget. Especially after last episode, I find it odd that Jack still thinks BOTH brothers haven't forgiven him. I get why he would think that about Dean. The dude outright said it was going to take some time. But Sam, as far as we've seen has been shown to be supportive of Jack. So, I wonder if it's because Jack still hasn't forgiven himself? Or if it's because maybe he and Sam haven't really talked about that whole issue, so maybe Jack thinks Sam is just avoiding it? (Or if the writers are just lumping Sam&Dean together again because WHY would anyone see them as two separate entities? *salty*) Because if anyone in this show SHOULD be aware that the brothers don't always think the same it should be Jack. Because from the start Sam has tended to hold a different stance in regards to him than Dean. *sigh* Ah well. We'll see how things fall out. Especially considering what Cas (I’m assuming anyway) told Dean about Jack and Billy’s plan.

#spn 15x15 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #mine internet doth sucketh #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #the darkness/amara

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tonysrhodeys · 5 years ago

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if your heart starts to wonder

(post captain america: civil war fix it wherein steve and tony finally talk about some of their issues. read it here or on ao3)

“He’s still there.”

“That’s nice.”

“It’s been three weeks. It’s even longer than usual, Tones.”

“I don’t really care Rhodey.”

Tony did care. He cared far too much and that was the crux of the problem. Steve had abandoned him two years ago taking Tony’s broken and battered heart, leaving Tony cold and empty to die in his scratched and scattered armour. It was not his fault. He had the right to hate him, and he truly did.

I hate him, Tony would think as he finds another man to fuck and leave new bruises and kisses all over his body as he bites his tongue excruciatingly hard to stop himself from screaming his name.

I hate him, he thinks as he tips back another glass and drowns himself on his sorrows until his vision is hazy and he can no longer feel his limbs (or his heart, especially that).

I hate him, Tony thinks as he pulls on one of his shirts, whose smell is starting to fade but it hurts Tony too much to even think about that, and huddles closer to the pillow as though he still had somebody beside him.

I hate him, Tony thinks as he sobs on the bedroom floor or the bathroom floor clutching a ring of metal in his trembling hands.

I hate him, Tony repeats every day (even though he knows he loves him).

Sometimes Tony even mixed up the reasons why he hated him so much.

Sometimes he hated him because he had lied. He had lied while he fucked him into their bed, breathing heavily on his back, their hands clasped together as he murmured Tony’s name like a mantra. He had lied while he cradled Tony’s shuddering body as nightmares continued to plague him. He lied when he promised to love Tony truly, madly and deeply for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes Tony hated him because he chose Bucky. Tony always feared Bucky, even before they knew that he was back. Tony knew how special their relationship was and Tony hated him for allowing Tony to fall in love in such a manner he knew he would reciprocate. Tony knew he was the second choice, and he was horrified that it was now a proven fact.

Most often, though Tony loathed to admit it, Tony hated him because he was left behind. Didn’t he know that Tony would have followed him to the ends of the earth?

The last one proved to be quite tedious as Tony had to resist his urges to run to him whenever he was there.

At first Tony didn’t even know if it was all for him. Yes, he happened to go Stuttgart and sit on the steps of the building where they met. But it may have been because he wanted a reminder of when he was all patriotic and followed rules. The next time he was there it was on the anniversary of their first kiss. Then their first date. Then their first I Love You. Then the date he abandoned him in Siberia.

Not even Tony could deny that he was definitely sending a message.

That didn’t mean he was ready. Tony thought about him sitting there waiting patiently for him to suddenly appear. He had chosen a sentimental place and appeared dedicated. Tony almost always flies there. One time he arrived in Stuttgart but turned back at the last second when he was suddenly reminded of the feeling of the heavy, targeted shield penetrating his armour and reaching for his heart.

He never stayed longer than a few days. Tony imagined his rogue duties pulled him back. (Or perhaps he missed Barnes?) Every time it happened, Tony convinced himself it was the last time. He would not return. He would grow tired of it; tired of him. He would realise that Tony was a lost cause and that he made the right decision when he left. Tony was too much to handle and it was simply not worth all of the effort. Why would he give up so much for damaged goods?

But he kept returning.

It was three weeks after the anniversary of their violent breakup. And he was still there. Tony had seen him on the news that morning. He wouldn’t speak to any of the reporters who interrogated him about who he was and what he was doing there if he supposedly was not homeless. Apparently the one time he spoke to a police officer, he told them that he was waiting for someone, someone he lost and just really wanted back. Nobody seemed to be able to recognise the soldier behind the rugged disguise, but Tony could recognise those eyes anywhere. They were the very eyes that haunted his nights.

The eyes that seemed to go from besotted to condescending in seconds that Tony was sure he would have missed it if he blinked.

Tony was pacing. His entire body seemed to be buzzing with nervous, agitated energy. He couldn’t sit still. His hands even shook as he tried to modify his gauntlets. He was sweating and it wasn’t hot. He was losing his mind.

He was right there.

It wouldn’t even take long for him to fly to Germany. Maybe Rhodey was right? What harm could this do that hadn’t already been done? There weren’t big enough pieces of his heart left for him to break.

Tony was so unsure of himself at the moment that he didn’t know what was rational and what wasn’t, which is why he quickly found himself suiting up and leaving the compound before Rhodey could say anything (knowing that Rhodey would definitely kill him when he came back).

Tony’s heart was thumping so loud that he could hardly hear the music he blasted in his helmet. He was torn between apprehension and eager anticipation. What if it wasn’t for him after all? Maybe Tony had become so self-obsessed in his grief that he imagined the entire ordeal. But what if he wanted Tony back? Tony was ashamed to admit he would succumb to his desires in seconds.

His landing caught the attention of everybody in the vicinity. Phones were out and videos were being recorded. But Tony’s attention was focused on one man. A man who inexplicably stood out despite the crowd. Tony’s faceplate snapped open and he breathed heavily. Tony slowly walked closer as the other man’s gaze fixated on him.

“Steve.”

Before Steve could reply, Tony grabbed him by the waist (and tried to ignore the feeling of Steve’s body against his, which was still as firm and sturdy as it always had been which definitely did not remind of nights with his body flushed against Steve’s) and landed on the roof of the building. He dropped Steve quickly, suddenly feeling as though he was burning through the armour. Steve stumbled but quickly recomposed himself.

Steve looked gorgeous, disheveled but gorgeous. He had an unkempt beard and his hair had grown out, looking silky in the moonlight. His eyes were tired and weighed heavily on his face. There was a hint of melancholy in them, something Tony didn’t want to ponder. His mouth was set in a thin, firm line. It was uncharacteristic of Steve to wear such a loose-fitting shirt, but it still seemed to highlight the sinewy body hidden underneath it.

Seeing him brought back a myriad of emotions Tony wished were buried. Everything in his mind screamed Steve. He could hardly believe he had gone so long without tasting that name on his lips.

“Steve.” It felt odd to say the name Tony had avoided for two years.

“Tony, you came.” There was something hopeful, light in his voice that made Tony’s heart flutter. It was for him. He had chosen the very place they had met and significant dates for him. He always had been sappy in that way.

“Why did you do all of this?” Tony tentatively asks. Why did you do this if you were the one who left?

“I couldn’t breathe anymore. I was lonely and empty. It was like everything in my life lost its colour and meaning. I somehow led myself here and it was like a breath of fresh air, albeit with some glass shards which tore at my heart as I realised I was alone here. It reminded me of you. It was where we first met and it drew me here. I just kept coming back. I thought that if you ever started to yearn for me the way I did you, you would wander here. And I would be right here waiting for you. Sorrowful, regretful and yours.” Steve sounded so sincere that Tony was glad he had the armour to support the weight of his body.

“I didn’t handle it that well either, but I imagine you’d know all about that. You should’ve trusted me.” Tony didn’t mean for it to come out as bitter as it did. Steve grimaced and ran a weary hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry about that. I never wanted to be the reason you picked up a bottle again,” Steve says. “Just know that I regret the way I handled the situation. You are the love of my life and I lied to you. I got caught up in trying to preserve my past that I dismissed the future I could have had with you and I was impulsive.”

“The nightmares are back. I never seem to make it out of the bunker. It gets worse because sometimes neither of us gets out and that always hurts more,” Tony says and he deliberately avoids Steve’s gaze.

“Mine too. They’re worse than ever. Sometimes…sometimes I don’t stop the shield. I just continue hitting and hitting and I become a monster. Other times, I’m the one lying on the floor, bloodied and broken. You have a malicious glint in your eye as you end my life.” Steve replies.

The frightening part was that he had the power to end Tony’s life and so did Tony. The shared look tells them that neither has somebody to bring them back to reality. They’ve often wondered if their reality of being separated and lost is even better than the dreams.

“God Tony, I just really fucking miss you,” Steve says and his voice breaks at the end.

“I miss you too,” Tony blurted out before he could stop himself. It was those eyes. Those treacherous, deep blue eyes of his. “You could have called. I’d have run to you in a second.”

A small smile crept onto Steve’s lips because Tony kept the phone. They hadn’t used it in two years, but they had it. It was the only connection they still had. Steve found the weight of it in his pocket less heavy.

“I started to wish you took me with you, once I got over the fact that you had chosen Barnes over me. I was okay with being the second choice and sharing you as long as I got to be with you,” Tony continues. He already started so why stop now?

“You were never my second choice,” Steve says firmly, “it was never like that. I protected him to protect myself. I didn’t want to lose you and I never considered the fact that you would help me or that telling you the truth meant more than what I said. I never wanted to betray you like that. I left because I was repulsed by myself and my actions towards you. It didn’t mean I loved you any less.”

“I understand why you didn’t sign. I just needed you to be safe for my own peace of mind. And then I lost you and suddenly none of that meant anything anymore” Tony says, remembering how bleak the compound had become without Steve’s radiant smile.

“I know that you take everything on by yourself. That you carry the guilt on your shoulders and never allow it to dissipate. You think that you should do better, but you are already doing more than any of us. You are self-sacrificing and I adore that about you, but Tony it was not your fault. Sokovia was not your fault. Those people’s blood is not on your hands. You shouldn’t have to be held back by handcuffs that won’t fit.”

They were closer now. The last time they were this close, they were clawing at each other. Each word they said bridged the gap between them. Communication had never been their strength, but it was clearly becoming their saving grace. Tony disengaged the armour and stepped out of it. He played with his fingers and dug at his nails, a clear sign of nervousness. Steve understood the vulnerability of it. He was essentially defenseless and he was putting his life in Steve’s hands again. It was an olive branch if there ever was one.

Steve slowly took Tony’s hands into his and brought them to his chapped lips. A wave of electricity sparked between them. They could feel the pieces of their lives slotting back into place. The hole in their worlds was being filled again. Despite everything, it was clear that they would always be pulled together again.

“Come home. I promise to be better. I promise to help. I promise to never make you leave me again. Just please, please come home.” Scalding hot tears were streaming down Tony’s face now. There was a list of issues Tony planned to fix that he had created over the last two years. He wanted to show Steve that was he was worthy.

Hearing Tony plead and degrade himself like that broke Steve’s heart. He pressed another kiss to the calloused hands he still held and stared straight at Tony.

“Sweetheart you are perfect. There is absolutely nothing for you to change. We both made mistakes and we will work on them together. Fighting you tore me apart and it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Nothing can tear me away from you ever again. I hated every second of it. It wasn’t worth it.”

Steve held Tony’s face in his hands. His fingers ghosted over his cheeks. He slowly leaned towards him, giving Tony a chance to back away. He didn’t.

Their lips met slowly but passionately. Yearning, loss, and regret poured into the kiss. It was everything they had missed and desired and more. Steve nipped at Tony’s bottom lip and Tony immediately gave in. Steve licked into Tony’s mouth and the world fell apart, leaving only their earth-shattering kiss.

It wasn’t perfect. It wouldn’t be what it used to be. Steve knew that Tony would flinch around him for months to come. He would be distant and cold sometimes, maybe even bring up Siberia again. Steve deserved it. He breached his trust and he was determined to earn it back. Tony knew that Steve was stubborn and headstrong and he pledged to understand it. He knew that Steve would keep secrets about the other Avengers for a while and he had to respect that. They wouldn’t agree on everything, but they needed to allow the disagreement without launching into a fight.

They were unsure of the future. Everything was uncertain as they entered unprecedented circumstances in their relationship. But they loved each other. Utterly and entirely. They were consumed by it. The two years had done nothing but intensified it. The potential of a future together was all the incentive they needed to at least try. Starting with a kiss under the stars.

#stevetony #stony fic #stonyfanfiction #stevetonyfanfiction #tony stark #steve rogers #avengers #fix it fic #marvelfanfiction #post cacw #mine #my fic #lexywrites #lexy writes

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blog-rationally-irrational-blog · 4 years ago

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Are we prepared for a digital COVID 19

In a well known Hollywood action flick, directed by John Woo, Christian Slater makes a revelation that when a nuclear weapon is lost it is known as a Broken Arrow. Samantha Mathis another character in the movie asks, “Does the happen so often that it has a term coined for it?”

COVID 19, the virus that has taken the world by storm, is no less than a Broken Arrow, a nuclear weapon that we have lost control over. Developed, as well as underdeveloped nations have been devastated by it. Its modus operandi ensures that majority of the human race is still trying to grapple with the potential solution.

Nature is a great leveler. We were so used to a way of life, that we started taking things for granted. It almost seems that nature clamored for break from mankind. The best and most workable solution that has come up - the social animal to maintain social distance. Most of us would never have experienced a Pandemic of this scale in our life time. As paradoxical as it may sound, how can we be prepared for a world that we are not prepared for?

The issues under the bucket of unknown unknowns will start to hit us more often than we can anticipate. One of the key reason why COVID 19 spread so fast is because the human race is intricately connected. A key indication is a life time record 69 million global flight takeoffs in 2019 (as per flightradar24.com).

The term COVID 19 first coined on February 11, as it started to become a known phenomenon, similar to the Broken Arrow. One cannot help, but think of the digital dependency we have in these times. What could make it worse is an e-COVID wave.

The possible world of COVID 19 and e-COVID

I see a scary similarity between the physical and the digital world that may hit us in the near future. Many would recollect the havoc that was caused by “WannaCry – The worldwide cyber attack”. Are we prepared for an e-Covid then ?

What if the WannaCry virus was a trailer to a bigger digital upheaval. Similar to the SARS or NIPAH epidemic which was relatively better controlled since the spread was limited, is there an e-pandemic waiting to strike the digital world. Let us think of a scenario wherein a similar thing happens in the digital world, a fiercer version of WannaCry takes over. The only solution is to isolate computer networks or devices from connecting to internet, that are e-COVID positive. Given the reliance we have on the interconnectedness in the digital world the mayhem would be unmanageable.

In such a case, we will not be able communicate with another / any communication device. A WhatsApp call may set in a chain infection …beginning with the cell phone, moving on to any website and taking over the laptops as well as corporate accounts.

There are five reasons why e-COVID could be a strong possibility:

1) The world is getting more and more integrated with the advent of 5G it is only going to proliferate

2) There has been a significant rise in malwares and ransomwares in recent times

3) The technology to create such malwares and ransomwares has become easily accessible

4) The speed of infection will be rapid and the time to react will be minimal

5) A solution may not be an easy one to find

We have all experienced software that make our lives easier. It has made the lives of good people easier, and the lives of bad people even more easier. An easily available service is RaaS or Ransomware as a service. You can avail of ransomware services for as low as USD 400 and the list of features is quite impressive. This means any layman with a small figment of negative intention and some creativity can cause significant harm.

We are in a world of hyper connectivity, one infection connects x more people in a COVID 19 situation, in the case of Information technology this is raised to the power of x. End of November the first COVID 19 patient was identified in China, the next case was in Thailand on Jan 13. A week later US reported its first case. The world had about a month and half to respond, we could have done better? As of 22 March 224,000 people were infected and the virus infection is still raging in some countries.

WannaCry struck on 12 May 2017, on 13 May 2017, it had infected 230,000 computers in 150 countries. The speed at which future viruses will hit the IT systems and leave us with no time to react.

So what next?

As a consultant, one of the first lessons we were taught was if you don’t have the solution, you are part of the problem. Is there anything we can do to solve the potential problem? let’s look at the possible solutions:

Identify who can help - The solution for WannaCry was found almost by accident. A British researcher realized the code queried a particular domain. If the domain was activated, the infection was stopped. He bought the domain and stopped WannaCry from continuing to infect the planet’s IT systems. He became a hero overnight. In an unfortunate turn of events, just three months after his heroic act, the researcher was arrested by the FBI as it was found that he was the creator of a piece of malware that had been stealing banking details from people all over the world. He admitted to creating the malware, and pleaded guilty to the crime. It is likely that the one who discovered or developed such a virus, can also come up with solutions to destroy and protect. Reminds me of Amitabh and Dharamendra who were petty criminals, but were hired by the jailor who eventually made the dreaded Gabbar succumb. Can we keep an eye on the source of such viruses?

Identify the warriors – As much as there are COVID 19 warriors fighting the dreaded virus, we need an army of smart and efficient soldiers to fight an e-COVID battle. We need to identify these warriors as currently they are spread across the globe. The fight against an e-COVID will not be fought locally, this will be a global fight. A global repository of the e-COVID warriors needs to be developed, who can rise to the occasion and fight this battle from day 0.

Increased protection of personal devices (not just corporate devices) – A lot of organizations have started to spend money on security which includes the firewalls, VAPT’s, secure endpoints and solutions on these lines. However, in the times to come, more organizations will allow employees to work from home on their personal devices. These may not be controlled by the organization. Therefore, a significant opening will be created for hackers to pass on the virus to corporate networks and then onto the globally interconnected devices. Not to say there is a dearth of vulnerable corporate devices, the inclusion of a larger number of personal and relatively less protected devices with exposure to sensitive information will up the risk. We must figure out a way to secure personal devices.

Accountability in case of open source – A majority of organizations use freewares and open source tools to protect profitability and save cost, some of these tools are more efficient, easy to use than even the licensed version. I am not against profit making or open source tools, however we need to bear in mind that it leads to an increased exposure to unknown unknowns. Enough articles point to the origin of the COVID 19 virus …The risks were there, yet we chose to turn a blind eye. We should avoid such mistakes in the digital world from such opensource tools.

A smart mechanism to exchange information – If the red flags were raised, say a week earlier, several thousand lives could have been saved. How can we make sure that a seamless mechanism exists to identify, detect, exchange information immediately to block any such malaise. can all countries come together to establish such platforms which can share information on real time basis? The success will depend on how many are willing to share credible information in real time and is there a platform to do this.

Build a strong mechanism to respond – It is a matter of time before an e-COVID hits us. It will hit us like the COVID 19 did, catching us unawares. Better prepared nations blunted the effect of COVID 19, others who did not respond well are facing the unfortunate brunt. The response in case of an e-COVID will not help if it is from a particular country, the response has to be a global one. Currently there are global agencies, but such is the nature of the world that we live in, it is going to be extremely difficult to come up with a unified response. All countries need to come together and plan for a response when the e-pandemic strikes us.

Conclusion – We read of cyber-attacks almost every day. Several are unreported. The biggest worry of the future could be magnitude of the attack. We have not been kind to mother nature and COVID 19 is a strong push back for mankind. Are we protecting nature enough ? Are we damaging the very fabric that created us ?

A question that begs to be asked, are we doing enough to ensure that the interconnectedness in the digital world remains safe . We survived the WannaCry phase, we will survive the COVID 19 pandemic as well. The history of mankind is a testament to the same. We need to have a comprehensive mechanism to respond and make sure the digital world is a secure place. With the advent of Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning, could we be sure that some rogue is not misusing the technology that creates an uncontrollable virus ?

By the way the Broken arrow in the movie was diffused before it could go off…If we could have done the same for COVID 19, much of the world could have been saved today.

#Worlds largest cyberattack #ecovid #cyberattack #preparing for cyberattack

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beholdthishotmess · 6 years ago

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I think...

Elias is right where he wants to be.

“Who wants to be in jail?”

I don’t know, maybe the guy who says “It’s very important to me you understand that no action I have taken has been controlled. I have done everything because I wished to.” before admitting to having murdered two people. “For the avoidance of any doubt.” On tape. And leaving those tapes in his office where someone could retrieve them.

Someone who had, seemingly, no problem with Jane Prentiss ‘contaminating’ boxes full of statements, but who ran downstairs and ‘completely dropped his guard’ at already recorded statements being set alight one by one. Definitely something you do when the two people left in the Archives are the One Who Hates You Most and the known liar.

Someone who we KNOW has an arrangement with the chief of Police. Someone who had been cleared by CCTV evidence previously which any proper lawyer could point out easily enough as making it literally ‘impossible’ for him to have committed the murders. Especially since the REST of the tape includes a ‘rogue’ police officer holding a gun on him. He could have said everything, after all, to ‘save’ his employees.

Someone who insists that he cannot meet with Jon right now, and who has made a deal to ensure that isn’t so. Someone who needs an unavoidable way to keep Jon away. Because Jon is at a ‘delicate’ stage right now. (Or might be able to rip what he wants right out of his head). And SOMETHING is going to be happening that year that’s been in the planning for 200 years.

Someone who knows that their ritual will be at a set time and date... are they the sort of person who’d ever try and ‘bet’ that they’d get their ritual off beforehand? (Don’t buy that Peter, even if maybe YOU think that) Especially when they had to murder their archivist of 50 some-odd years within the last two years? Are they the sort of person who’d just let things fall apart with as much lead time as he had given the obvious situation with the Stranger’s ritual? And isn’t it FUNNY that after Gertrude mucked up several rituals, others with C4 as well, it’s only THIS ritual that sets off the rest of the supernatural community?

“You mean Elias is putting Jon and the archive staff in danger for some overarching plan which keeps him firmly out of the line of fire which will ensure Jon gets a few more scars from a few more powers, specifically it looks like, the ones who haven’t already tried to kill him?”

... *glances at S1* *glances at S2* *glances at S3*

ETA: Not to mention that this situation is creating the kind of distance that all of Elias’s ‘don’t get attached’ warnings never did.

Yeah, ngl. I’m pretty sure Elias may have Xanatos-gambit-ed this whole thing.

#wmg #tma theories #tma spoilers #tma season 4 #the magnus archives #elias bouchard

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salfur · 6 years ago

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So, I accidentally wrote an essay last night while writing down my thoughts on the Homestuck Epilogue and I thought I’d share it with all of you. Let me state on record that I am not trying to start or fuel any discourse, I just wanted to share my thoughts and, I guess, theories. Be warned that this does discuss some spoilers in the epilogue, though I try not to go too in depth if I can avoid it. So, if you’re interested, click the link below and if not, then ignore.

To start, I am going to say that I didn't hate the epilogue. Sure, it was hard to read and at times I thought the writing was a bit too thick, but in the end I thought it wasn't as bad as I've seen people making it out to be. In a way, I get what Hussie is trying to do, that being showing the two extremes in both the fandom and storytelling. As I'm sure we are all aware (at least those who have read the epilogue) Candy was a clusterfuck of shipping and fan service while Meat was full of dark themes (not to say candy wasn't without it's own darkness) and was tough to get through for both us, the readers, and the characters themselves. I'm also sure that most of us are aware that the epilogue is non-canon and that, ultimately, nothing that happens in it really matters.

I have heard, or rather read, a lot of posts talking about how the writing was completely ooc and to some extent I am inclined to agree. However, I think it is important to remember that there was a canonical 7 year gap that we, as readers, were unable to experience. There was very little that Hussie gave us that allowed us to know for sure whether everything in the epilogue was truly ooc. Because, and let's be real here, a lot can and likely has happened in 7 years and we were unable to know any of it. So how can it be ooc if we don't even really know the characters anymore? Can we truly say that the characters we grew to love and care for would be the same 7 years later? Honestly, I don't believe we can.

This, of course, isn't even taking into account the whole "Ultimate Self" thing that's been happening to all the god tiers for who knows how long now. I don't know if I really understand what the Ultimate Self is, but it seems like it's the result of being merged with all other versions of themselves. Obviously, some of the characters have taken it much better than others and there are even some who don't appear to be experiencing the process yet at all. Though I'm sure that, to some extent, all the god tiers have felt or experienced it in some shape during their time on Earth C.

I mention the Ultimate Self, because I believe that it is important in explaining why it seems as if nearly all the characters were ooc. It's because they are. But they also aren't, because they are slowly becoming every version of themselves. Even when Dirk embraced it, he wasn't done changing into his Ultimate Self. I believe this is most evident in Meat when Roxy reveals to us that both Calliope and them are non-binary. Dirk responds in surprise, but ultimately supports them.

He even apologizes and corrects himself when he accidentally misgenders Calliope.

However, later on, when dead Calliope is taking control of the narrative, Dirk changes and becomes disrespectful towards Roxy's identity.

It becomes clear that Dirk's views changed and he seemingly no longer supports Roxy's identity. But the question then is why? What caused this change in heart? There was seemingly nothing in the narrative that showed us that he had any reason to change his views and yet he did. The only conclusion I could come to was because of the whole Ultimate Self thing. Dirk is slowly merging with all his other selves, and I'm sure that we all know that many of Dirk's splinters (or other versions) have been known to become quite manipulative and even abusive. Hell, there was even a version of him that was homophobic (that being Dave's Bro). So it's not out of the question that there have been other versions that were discriminatory towards other genders or identities.

Rose was right to be worried about losing herself if she gave into the Ultimate Self, because that is exactly what we have witnessed with Dirk. However, what we saw with Dirk isn't going to be the same with everyone. I'm quite confident that the reason why he's been unable to differentiate himself and his other versions is because he's a Prince of Heart. He already has a connection to his other versions, but by allowing himself to become his Ultimate Self, he had begun the journey of completely losing himself. As we see him now he is now no longer just one version of himself, but many other versions in one. I don't doubt that Dirk had good intentions initially and believed that if he allowed the process to happen that he would become a better person, but unbeknownst to him that wasn't what happened. In allowing himself to become his Ultimate Self he unknowingly allowed himself to become the thing he most feared he'd become. Dirk became a manipulator, a puppet master.

So why does this happen to Dirk but not Dave, who we see in Candy become is Ultimate Self. Perhaps it is because Dirk has not fully transitioned yet, or maybe it’s because he’s a Prince of Heart. Ultimately, we don’t know the answer to this. At least, not yet. Remember earlier when I mentioned that nothing really matters in the epilogue? Well, that isn’t exactly true. In the greater sense, it may be since the events that happen in both Candy and Meat aren’t the “true epilogue.” However, that isn’t to say that what happens within each don’t matter. We have witnessed how the two timelines actually cross each other, almost becoming one. The lines between the two stories are becoming blurred and I believe that it is leading towards a third choice.

Let’s go back to the beginning of the epilogue, shall we? When John was given a choice between Meat or Candy, those weren’t actually the only choices he had. In fact, he had up to at least five choice. As we’ve seen he could have gone for either Meat or Candy, but he also could have taken both, neither, or a completely other option. I mean, let’s not forget that Roxy, the Rogue of Void, was present and we all know how great she was at pulling pumpkins from the void. My theory is that Hussie has at least one more path to explore. The Pumpkin path. And, like Meat and Candy, Pumpkin will intertwine with the other stories and create a sort of resolution to all the loose ends that have been created. I doubt that Pumpkin would be a complete catchall fix-it for all their problems, but I do believe that if it happens it’ll fix a lot them.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk. I hope this essay sparked some of your own ideas or theories.

TLDR: I don’t think the epilogue was as bad as everyone has been making it out to be (granted it’s still pretty bad, both content and writing wise). My theory on why everyone seems so ooc (Dirk especially) is because of the whole “Ultimate Self” thing because all the god tiers have begun to merge with all their other selves. This process is making Dirk lose his own self in the process because he’s a Prince of Heart. The epilogues, as of now, are non-canon, but that’s only because we haven’t gotten to the third and final choice John could have made which would completely cross the two stories into one and also, hopefully, tie up all the loose ends that have been created.

#homestuck #upd8 #homestuck epilogue #salfur speaks #i accidentally wrote an essay last night #whoops

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polkadotfairyposts · 6 years ago

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A Halloween to Remember

A/N: Ok so that’s my first fan fiction. Done. It’s not amazing and it totally ran away from me a bit there. But everyone’s gotta start somewhere, right?

Young!Remus x Reader

Warnings: Angst, arguments, a lil’ bit of self-depreciation, some bad language from both our swearwolf and the OC

You were worried. The full moon was last night, but it was fast approaching curfew and Remus still wasn't back. He’d not had to stay so long in the hospital wing since fifth year, which made you worry enough, but when you went to visit him there, you were told in no uncertain terms by Madame Pomfrey that he wasn’t there. Having searched the Library, the Great Hall, his dormitory and the Gryffindor common room throughout the day, you were lost and beginning to panic.

Even his fellow Marauders (you cursed inwardly that even you’d begun to call them by their self-appointed title) had been of little help. Approaching James in your potions class under the pretence of borrowing some ingredients, he’d given you a dismissive reply.

“He’s fine, don’t worry” He muttered before turning back to Sirius, eager to continue planning a Halloween party to rival all their previous years. It was your seventh and final year, after all. The last you would spend in the (relative) safety of Hogwarts, before going out into a tense and wary world, with war brewing on the horizon.

So now here you were, rushing back to the common room just in time to beat curfew and avoid detention, despite being seventeen, you were not a prefect and therefore not allowed out, despite the wizarding world now recognising you as an adult. You’d finished a brief sweep of all the favourite hideouts of Remus’s, checking to make sure you’d not missed him before. No luck. Defeated now, you entered through the portrait hole and into the common room.

Spotting the three amigos near the fire, you made a bee line for them. Sirius was lounging along a burgundy sofa running his fingers through his long black hair, James on the armchair across him playing with a snitch, with Peter on the floor writing an essay.

“Blackthorn, why don’t you come…” Sirius stopped as he registered the worry and barely hidden panic on your face. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I can’t find Remus anywhere. I know you said not to worry, James, but it’s like he’s disappeared. Have you seen him?”

“We’ve not seen him in a while actually” Peter said, laughing. You frowned.

“What, and you’re not at all worried. You know how hard this can be on him and you’ve not even thought to go looking for him?!”

Sirius sighed, got hold of one of his Doc Martens, unlaced them and proceeded to throw the boot across the room at a large pile of blankets abandoned in the corner. The pile groaned.

You looked back at Sirius, then to the pile once more before realisation sunk in. You headed over the room and saw Remus’s green eyes poke through a gap in the layers.

You chuckled “Have enough blankets there?”

Another groan as the response.

You thought for a moment, raised your eyebrows and offered “Chocolate?”

The pile shook in what you assumed was an affirmative and soon Remus’s whole head had appeared. You giggled at his wayward hair and sleepy eyes, received to find him in one piece.After nibbling a few bits of Honeyduke’s finest, Remus settled back down into his blankets and fell promptly back to sleep. You headed across the common room to the dormitory, but before you could make it, you heard someone call you.

“Blackthorn, come here a second will you?” James Potter waved to get your attention. The look on the other two boys’ faces told you all you needed to know.

“How can I help you, boys?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“The party on Saturday… Well, you’re quite good at Charms, we wondered if we could charm a pumpkin into a record player, spooky Halloween fun but also great music sort of thing?”

You thought for a moment, Sirius moving his feet to allow you to sit down.

“Probably not, but you may be able to charm a pumpkin to sing. I’m sure you’d be able to get it singing certain things, though that might take a bit of work.”

“Of course! You’re brilliant! Get the pumpkin to sing!” James and Peter hurriedly started scribbling ideas and muttering to one another. Sirius nudged your arm.

“So, when are things between you and Moony going to actually, you know, happen?”

“Sirius, we’ve had this conversation before” You rolled your eyes.

“I know, I know, and I know you said things have to happen when he’s ready but honestly, do you think he ever will be? You’ve been dancing around each other for seven years, for Godric’s sake”

“Maybe, but you don’t get to decide when it happens, Sirius. Nor any of you. It’s up to Remus. It’s his issue. I’m better of being friends with him and not pushing it than ruining our friendship and losing him forever.”

“But what is his actual issue? I mean, you’re funny, attractive in a bookish sort of way,” You gave him a gentle thump on the arm “And you two have been friends for years, you know all about his furry little problem and still love him to bits. So why is it so difficult for him?”

“Sirius, I imagine Remus has lost a lot of people in the past. Now, i think it’s his nature to push them away first. Out of fear, or worry or just to protect them. Or him. It’s gong to take a lot for him to let someone in in that way.” You paused, Sirius looked at you, noticing the glint in your eye. “Alas,” you said, dramatically “I fell for the wrong Marauder!”

“Didn’t you just, I would definitely taken my chance with you by now” Sirius grinned.

“I bet, and I would’ve had my heart broken in one fell swoop and moved on to my next mistake by now.”

“One can only wish”

You both sighed, playing along. Suddenly Sirius turned and looked directly at you, steely grey eyes focused on your own.

“If someone could help you out though, give him a little push…”

“Sirius…”

“No, really, because I would happily…”

“Sirius Orion Black, if you dare do anything to affect our friendship, I will personally shave your entire head.” You said threateningly. When he seemed less than convinced, you added “The Muggle way!” To which his eyes widened in shock.

“You wouldn't dare, Blackthorn.”

You raised an eyebrow, relaxing back into the sofa, one arm thrown across the armrest in an attempt to seem casual and at the same time, menacing. “Wanna bet?”

Sirius laughed. “You really are terrible at that. But ok, I promise. I won’t do anything…meddlesome” He held his hand out. You took it and shook.

“Deal”

The next night was the Halloween party in the common room. October 31st wasn’t until the Monday, but if experience was anything go by, it was best to not have a full day’s NEWT level classes the day after, so it was planed for the Saturday. The boys had gone all out, enchanted bats circling the ceiling, muggle style witches hats on nearly every head and the previously mentioned singing pumpkin. They’d even gone as far as to enchant the punch bowls. One was ‘spiked’ and the other plain. If anyone below 5th year tried to take a drink from the ‘spiked’, the bowl in the shape of Frankenstein’s monster's head would scream. It was all fairly impressive. You smiled as the pumpkin head started a stirling rendition of Patti Smtih’s Because the Night. You felt Sirius stand next to you.

“You know, I can practically feel your smugness. It’s radiating from you like an aura. That’s what it is. A smug aura. Smugora.” You laughed. Maybe that punch was stronger than you’d originally thought.

“I think I deserve my…smugora this time.”

You nodded, relenting “How on earth did you get the backing music as well?”

He grinned, touching his nose “Magic.”

You both threw your head back laughing and touched your glasses in a Cheers motion.

Suddenly the room was thrown into darkness. Someone screamed. The pumpkin had stopped singing. From the direction of the portrait hole, a strange purple glow was emanating. Muttering swept the room in a wave, followed by a nervous hush. Then, from the glow, James Potter emerged. Dressed as a mummy, wrapped in tissues and bandages, the only way you realised it was him was the glasses and stray few locks of wayward hair poking through the layers. The pumpkin started up again, this time with the steady beat of Queen’s ‘We will rock you’. A ripple of relief made it’s way through the crowd, followed by confusion from the purebloods among them. The lights flickered back on and the festivities resumed. You wandered the common room, chatting and drinking with your fellow Gryffindors. You danced around James as he made a spectacle of himself, but tripped on one of his rogue bandages and stumbled, clumsily into Remus.

“Oh, for goodness sake, I…Oh. Hello.” You said, quickly righting yourself.

“Sylv, hey. Peter told me you were looking for me.” Remus said, smiling. “Said you had something to talk about?”

You frowned. “Erm, no, but now I am wondering where your costume is” eyeing his usual soft jumper, with worn patches at the elbow.

“Well, I, um,” He sighed. “I told everyone I had forgotten to sort my costume with all the plans for the party, there were some tough charms you know” he trailed off.

“But really…”

“But really, I kind of thought I didn't need one, seeing as I already am a monster.” He couldn’t meet your eyes.

You straightened your shoulders, fixed your jaw and stared at him, a red heat burning.

“What. The. F…”

“Sylv, I know that look, don’t…”

“Don’t what Remus? Don’t react to your insane self-hatred? Don’t care that you still, still, wallow in self-loathing, convinced that no-one could ever care about you? What about your friend? James? Sirius? Peter? What about me, Remus? I don't understand how you can be so permanently obtuse when people love you, so obviously. They love you! For Godric's sake!”

The room had quietened. All eyes appeared to be on the two of you, the Marauders included. Sirius looked sheepish, but the other two were positively giddy.

“Yeah, we love you Remus!” James burst out. You glared at him, he responded with a grin.

“Sylv,” Remus’s hushed voice reached you through your anger “Please, can we talk somewhere else?” He didn’t wait for a response, just grabbed your hand and ran you up to the boys’ dorm. You momentarily thought about shaking him off, but decided to follow. This was a conversation that needed to be had, preferably away from prying or meddlesome eyes.

Remus swung you around, taking both hands in his own and looked into your eyes.

“Sylv, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you angry, I just…”

“Didn’t think I cared enough? Well you were wrong, Remus. Because I do care. Apparently too bloody much. But if you think that I will ever, ever stop caring about you, you are more of a fool than Sirius pretends to be.”

Remus couldn't help but laugh “How do you manage to sneak an insult to him while you’re angry at me?”

“It’s a talent. Now. Explain.”

“What is there to explain, Sylv? I know you don’t see it, but I am a monster.”

“Right, no, stop. Stop right there. You, Remus John Lupin are not a monster. You are a funny, intelligent, kind individual and also a massive idiot. You have pushed so many people away. I don’t know why you let the guys in before, nor me, but I do know you still have so many barriers up. You won;t let us in, no matter how much we try. And I don’t know if i can continue watching you do that.” Somehow, there were tears in your eyes, You blinked them away, annoyed.

“Sylv, I’m sorry.” Remus placed his hands on your shoulders. “I never thought about it like that. I’ve spent so long hiding I never thought about what that felt like to you. All of you. I know you care, I do, and sometimes I find it hard to understand why, but then you shout at me in front of the whole of Gryffindor and then start crying and pretending you’re not and I realise that maybe, maybe I don't have to understand it. Maybe it’s just how it is. And maybe I am an idiot for not realising that before.”

You heard cheers coming from behind the closed door.

“Now kiss her you idiot!”

You blushed. “Black, say goodbye to your luscious locks!”

“Technically it wasn’t me. I didn't meddle, Peter did. I just didn’t stop it!”

The room started to spin and you realised with a start just how much punch you’d helped yourself to. You collapsed onto the nearest bed and focused on the ceiling, trying to stop the room spinning.

“Sylv?” Remus approached shyly, confused by this sudden change in demeanour.

“It’s ok Moony, too much drink. I might just stay here for a wee bit and then go bed. You go on, enjoy the party.”

“I’ll get you some water, love”

“Ok” And you felt your eyes closing.

You woke to loud noises. Thudding sounds.

“Don’t you people respect Sundays, the sacred day of hangovers?” You mumbled sleepily, turning over in your duvet.

“Not in this dorm, we don’t get hangovers” A voice replied. A male voice. The voice of Sirius Black.

You sat up, instantly regretting the motion. Looking around, it was clear you were in the boy’s room, and as you wondered why, memories of the night before flooded back.

“Fuck”

“Sounds about right Blackthorn.”

“Quiet please, people are sleeping”

“The only one still sleeping is you. I had to kip on the couch last night.” You must be in Sirius’s bed.

“A true example of chivalry, right here, ladies and gentlemen” James teased.

The door opened, much quieter than it had previously. You turned your head slowly to see Remus entering with a pile of blankets, floating two mugs of tea behind him. He stopped as he saw you were awake, feigning horror.

“It lives!”

“Urgh, barely” you replied, groaning.

“We’ll see you later, Sleeping Beauty” Sirius called as he walked out the door, followed by James and Peter.

“Wait, it’s a Sunday, where are you going?”

“The less you know, the more ignorance you can plead later” James positively beamed at you.

“Fair point”

And with that, they were gone. Remus moved over to the bed you’d commandeered and dumped the blankets over you before passing a cup of tea to your ear hands. You groaned in relief as you took the first sip . The first taste of tea after a heavy night had always been one of your favourite things.

“Thank you” You said to Remus and gestured for him to come join you in your pile.

He shuffled in beside you and held you in his arms. IT was funny. Though there had been no dramatic declaration of feelings, no magical first kiss, though really nothing had changed, somehow, it all had. After a moment of comfortable silence, he chuckled.

“Have enough blankets?”

Ok so that’s my first fan fiction. Done. It’s not amazing and it totally ran away from me a bit there. But everyone’s gotta start somewhere, right?

#twwfall2018 #harry potter #remus lupin #fluff #thewackywriter

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #471

(from yesterday)

Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Strawberry, for one. Have you met somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with? I could see it happening, but it's way too early to determine something like that. Who was the last male you talked to? Does he have facial hair? My boyfriend, and a very little bit. Name a band you like, that starts with the 2nd letter of your name. Rammstein. Have you ever dressed up as a Disney character? Which one? Not to my recollection. Have you ever played chess? If so, are you good at it? No. Name an alcoholic beverage that you dislike. Wine. Is there anyone who sends you messages to say good morning/night? Girt does most days. :') Is there anyone you interact with often on social media but not in person? Yeah. Do you own any adult coloring books? What kind(s) do you like? Yeah. Ones with animals. Which of your friends do you confide in the most? Sara. Is there anything you haven’t done lately, that you’d like to do soon? Draw, especially a larger project. How long is your driveway? Not long at all. Are there any TV shows you keep up with religiously? No. Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? I've already done that and would again. Not just anyone, of course, but there are a good number of friends I would absolutely take up the opportunity to meet irl. What are your neighbours like? I don't know either of them. What accent is your favorite? British. If your Facebook status doesn’t get any likes/comments, does it bother you? Nah. What was your most recent reason for smiling? :) Girt called me a cutiepie. ;;____;; <3 Name one person you’d take a bullet for: The first person to come to mind is my mom. Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? I don't know, man. What’s your crush’s/boyfriend's/husband’s name? Donald Jr. is his real name, but I don't call him that. Also, not everyone dates boys, shocking as that may be. And their occupation? He works at a tire company that I won't name. Are your teeth naturally straight? I had braces, so obviously not. Did you go to the beach this year? No, which I'm content with. Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? Yeah. Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? Yep. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. If you had to study something for the next year, what would you study? My initial reaction was to think "photography," which I guess I realistically would go for, but I'm still unsure. I don't know how much longer I can cling to the photography dream, so, y'know. If you were a fantasy character, would you be a warrior, a mage, or a rogue? Mage, I guess. Who is your favourite movie villain? Red Pyramid Thing/Pyramid Head. He has different names in the games and movie universe, so take your pick. Have you ever calculated whether you get enough minerals and vitamins in your diet? No. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? I wash them first. Do you hate using public restrooms? Does ANYBODY like using them? I avoid them as best I possibly can. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? Motherfuckin' King Ramses from Courage the Cowardly Dog aklsdfkaljdsfka like I had nightmares y'all What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? The drone strike on Afghanistan killing citizens (children included) versus terrorists. I could write ten pages worth of why this whole thing pisses me the fuck off, but I'll avoid getting that political. Do you believe that acupuncture works? No. How long does it take before you trust a person? It varies person to person. Do you know anyone with a lisp? Not off the top of my head, anyway. If you were to break a Guinness Record, which one would you try and beat? I dunno. Are you scared of clowns? No. Are you listening to music currently? "Scum of the Earth" by Rob Zombie is on currently. Did your last kiss mean anything? It meant a lot. Have you ever been sung to personally? Some of the song, yes. If so, what song did they sing? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Do you think you’re brave? Eh, it depends on what I'm facing. Do you like Paramore? Yeah. Were you afraid of heights as a child? No, but I am as an adult. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? I dunno. I guess the very brief one between Nala and Simba because T E E T H. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No. What’s the most difficult experience you and a significant other have gone through together? Distance when we really needed each other's company was definitely difficult. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? I don’t have any. Have you ever attempted to pick a lock? Did you succeed? No. How many times have you donated blood? Once. How many times have you had surgery? Twice. When was the last time you were at the beach? What did you do there? Years ago when Colleen and I were still friends. I swam a lot because the water felt FANTASTIC, then I also just chilled with Colleen, her husband, and their young son with snacks and stuff under their tent. It was fun, save for getting horrible sun poisoning... Who was the last person you spoke to online? How do you know this person? Girt and I have been using Discord to message each other. We met in high school. Who was the last person to visit your house? What were they there for? Also Girt. We were just hangin'. If you could change one thing about your appearance, what would it be and why? I wish I had a fit stomach because I feel hideous with mine. How do you feel about dreads on women? I don't care. Do whatever you want with your own hair. Do you feel like your life is moving forward? Very, very, VERY slowly, and only in certain contexts. Would you let your kid smoke weed? Seeing as it's illegal in my state, there's no way because I'd be terrified of them facing jail. If it was legal though and it was for medical purposes, I would be okay with it. I'd be nervous about my kid smoking anything with the risk of lung cancer, but. If they were at least 18 I'd say, I wouldn't force them to do as I say in regards to this topic. Do you feel like you connect more with animals or other people? Animals, for sure. Can you swear in a different language? Of course I would know "shit" and "fuck" in German lmaoooo Have you ever been banned from anywhere? No. Have you ever had a UTI? Many times, actually, because I don't and never have drank enough water. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem? No. Who last held your hand? Girt. Do you know anyone who plays heaps of sports? Possibly? When was the last time you had chocolate? Yesterday. Girt, Mom, and I made s'mores together. Do you have any pets other than dogs or cats? Yeah, I have a snake. What is your favorite type of seashell? Idk the names of different kinds of seashells. Do you love 3-D movies? Yeah. When’s the last time you had a hamburger? Last night, actually. That was dinner. Are there any fake tattoos on you? No. Do you own a fish tank? No. Do you own a feather boa? No. What do you usually drink at meals? It varies. Did you pull any pranks on April Fool’s day, or vice versa? I never do. I don't really like the idea of the "holiday." Have you ever seen the last person you hugged naked? No. Where did you get your favorite shirt? Cloak is an online business. How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing? I'd find it metal af tbh, ha ha. Have you ever suspected that your last ex was cheating? Why? Not at all. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Yesterday, to make a dinner bowl from the freezer. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done? Oh GOD, I don't want to even try to imagine. I'll save myself the embarrassment. What do you do when you’re sad? It's pretty common I'll sleep if I'm extremely sad, sometimes I'll cry it out, or listen to music... Are you excited for anything? What? I'm REALLY hype for Halloween. I mentioned in another survey that I wanna make some awesome plans with Girt, and I realized Halloween is on a Sunday this year, which he should have off from work, so I'd say it's likely!!! Do you have playlists on your iPod? I do, for varying moods. I pretty much never ever use them, though.

#survey #surveys #random questions

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azuresquirrel · 7 years ago

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Have another episode of Snow Day Flash marathon! I’m breaking for now, maybe I’ll come back to it later today, but three episodes in one day is pretty darn good.

Episode Five - FRIENDSHIP IS TRAGIC

Why yes I do watch Barry’s “I’M AN ORDINARY 25-YEAR-OLD SUPERHERO” intro every single time despite Netflix trying its darnedest to make me skip it.

Barry’s monologuing about FRIENDSHIP while hanging in a bar with Team Science AND Iris (YAY!!!!! LET THEM BE FRIENDS!!!) so I hope this episode is ACTUALLY about friendship this time as opposed to last episode which was only sort of about htat.

Also White Bread is here and I AGREE BARRY, I ALSO DO NOT CARE FOR HIM.

CISCO ALSO DISAPPROVES. Caitlin thinks he’s hot because bland white guys with no personality is her type. We also learn that Barry has Steve Rogers’s problem with alcohol as in it doesn’t do shit for them anymore. Team Science is THRILLED to do another experiment in the bar because of course they are, also they’re great.

Break in at some skyscraper? With our first possible BadGIRL of the Week? Badgirl with a BOMB it seems.

Sorry team, you won’t be able to get your drink on for much longer because there are some window cleaners who need saving, AS ALWAYS. Pfffft, Barry is sadly lacking in the super strength department and Caitlin shoots down his great idea to pile up a shitload of mattresses. SO BARRY LEARNS HOW TO RUN UP THE SIDE OF A BUILDING WITHOUT GOING “SPLAT” ON THE WAY DOWN.

OH HI IRIS IS HERE. Barry pulls his face-vibration and speeds off and Iris is TOTALLY HOT RIGHT NOW (and also probably thinking of OTHER uses for face-vibration).

Next day, Joe and team is investigating what files bomb lady was trying to make off with. And frankly I’m pretty jealous of super-speed file-searching.

Oh great, now the military’s here. Countdown to secret military experiments starting now.

Now Papa Joe’s reaming Iris out for being at the crime scene the night before and like can we DROP this overprotective dad act already IT’S FUCKING OLD. Iris is all like “yeah fuck my boyfriend I’M HERE FOR THE GOTTA GO FAST MAN, I’VE GOT A SCOOP.”

Over at STAR labs Harrison drops his stalker act on the general who totally contracted STAR labs for “gene therapy research” a.k.a. SUPERSOLDER EXPERIMENTS GONE WRONG. And our Badgirl of the Week is of course an ex-army bomb specialist because of course she is. Her name’s Beth and she’s got some kind of Rogue-dealio going? And also looks like the poor man’s Felicia Day.

BARRY ENDS UP ALMOST NAKED LIKE ANY PROPER COMIC BOOK FETISH FUEL.

R.I.P. BARRY’S SUIT. She touched it and it went KA-BOOM.

THIS IS A BETRAYAL CISCO WILL NOT ENDURE. “WHERE’S MY SUIT?????” Yes the grief will take time my son, but think of it as an opportunity to try out NEW fetish garments for Barry to wear! Look on the bright side!

So yeah, our pal Beth is a metahuman who literally makes the things she touches go BOOM. Everyone else is talking about this new development and this is what Cisco has to say: “But she blew up my suit!” “You have more!” “Okay, I have two more and I loved that one.”

CISCO IS OUT FOR REVENGE.

And Joe joins in on Team Science’s metahuman funtime, but also to YELL AT BARRY SOME MORE. For daring to LET IRIS KNOW A THING. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. Yes, talk your daughter out of pursuing her work and her passions. JESUS.

THIS IS GETTING INTO SOME STRAIGHT-UP GASLIGHTING TERRITORY AND IT’S NOT CUTE. IRIS DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS. I AM NOT A HAPPY PERSON RIGHT NOW.

Barry’s now on the trail for the army surgeon who worked on Ms. Kaboom. But of course Ms. Kaboom is there first all “YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!” Also the army is here trying to capture her because of course they are. Barry instead speeds her out of there offering to help her out via STAR labs.

So Team Science fills her in on the PA explosion and how apparently it combined with the schrapnel embedded in her so that’s why she makes things go kaboom (everyone gets these ~appropriate~ powers but I still don’t get how that translated in Barry getting GOTTA GO FAST).

Cisco has dropped his thirst for revenge upon seeing off-brand Felicia Day so apparently redheads are his type. Barry is also a redhead. Guys. (ehhhh reddish-brown. CLOSE ENOUGH.)

Caitlin tends to Ms. Kaboom setting her up for experiment but instead finds the TRACKER that the army put in her so of course General Clancy Brown shows up to be an ass. He also hilariously calls Harrison an “idealist.” YEP, THIS GUY. IDEALIST.

The rest of Team Science sprints Ms. Kaboom out to the middle of nowhere so she can blow up Frisbees, then she gets her Rogue Angst on and questions how much they’re helping Barry or her. It’s interrupted by Joe calling up and CONTINUING TO BE A SHITTY DAD WHO WANTS TO OPRESS HIS DAUGHTER’S LIFE. THIS IS BEYOND OLD.

Blah Blah Blah, Iris has put her name to her blog ~she might be targeting by metahumans~ blah blah blah.

So of course THE FLASH appears to Iris and yeah this is TOTALLY going to convince her to stop writing given how HOT she is right now.

“Help me save my friend” Iris says not knowing that SHE’S SAYING IT TO THAT VERY FRIEND! DRAMA!!!!

Back to STAR labs for depressing lifetime as a human bomb diagnosis because CELLULAR LEVEL because comic science does whatever we want it to do. Barry wants to make THE SUPERFRIENDS and for Ms. Kaboom to be friend #1. Everyone else is skeptical due to 1. Army and 2. explosions. BARRY JUST WANTS SOME MORE FRIENDS YOU GUYS!!!!

Pffffffffft Barry has a good laugh over how he can VIBRATE HIS VOCAL CHORDS TO CHANGE HIS VOICE. What a good nerd. Barry makes the WACKY suggestion to Joe that he just tell Iris everything. This of course turns into the “YOU’RE TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH IRIS” conversation.

Oh no, Ms. Kaboom is left ALONE in the lab with Harrison THAT’S NOT GREAT (apparently Cisco went home so he DOES have a home). And yeah, he pulls his I WANT TO GET BACK EVERYTHING I LOST (that he didn’t actually lose, god), and is pulling his Emperor Palpatine moves on Ms. Kaboom. “GIVE IN TO THE DAAAAAAARK SIIIIIIIIIIIDE” a.k.a. kill General Clancy Brown. NO ONE SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE WITH HARRISON.

So we’re at riverside showdown of American military propaganda and stupid ass General Clancy Brown shoots Beth and of course she dies IMMEDIATELY BEFORE SHE CAN TELL BARRY THAT HARRISON TOLD HER TO DO THIS. Also she’s going to totally explode.

AND SO BARRY LEARNS HOW TO BE JESUS AND RUN ON WATER.

I feel it’s pertinent to note that Barry’s doing all of this Flash business literally just to help people and yet he ends up with a large number of DEAD PEOPLE. Can’t this poor boy catch a break?

“Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences” says Harrison who somehow is not immediately struck by lightning after saying that.

Iris just wants Barry to tell her WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON WITH HIM. He of course will not do so and I am not happy.

“I’m totally over my family,” HE SAYS LIKE A LYING LIAR WHO LIES.

And Iris can’t stop won’t stop, ATTA GIRL.

So Barry pulls the “maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a while.” THAT’S A DICK MOVE, BARRENCE. Yes you’re depressed about Beth getting all murdered by the army and NOT HAVING THE BEST HELPING TRACK RECORD but don’t take it out on Iris!

Caitlin cheers him up with SUPER-ALCOHOL THAT CAN GET HIM DRUNK. For like fifteen seconds anyway. Caitlin’s a true friend.

WE’RE CLOSING THE EPISODE WITH A SLOW ARTSY TRAILER COVER OF “I RAN” BY FLOCK OF SEAGULLS. I’M LAUGHING.

And YES we are back to our weekly Crazy Ex Boyfriend Harrison check-in as we should. Evil General Clancy Brown is here to visit because he knows that Harrison is full of it and offers to work together on metahumans, and Harrison is all too happy to threaten to literally end him. Evil General Clancy Brown says he’s figured out Harrison’s secret and it won’t take long for the public to catch on too. We then flash back to how their original partnership ended. Which of course had to do with GRODD. BECAUSE WHY WOULDN’T IT.

So the theme of this episode is BARRY ISN’T ALLOWED TO HAVE MORE THAN THREE FRIENDS and also that IRIS IS DEFINITELY TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF THIS CONDESCENDING MANIPULATIVE BULLSHIT.

#Azuresquirrel Watches The Flash #RIP in peace original Flash suit #this show needs more slow artsy trailer covers of songs about running

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delcat177 · 7 years ago

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The Lamp Posts: Lies and Cancer

“Have you asked yourself what profit [E] might have in lying?” --My therapist, to my wrestling with doubts

“Munchausen by Internet usually manifests in the late teens or early 20′s. It's often preempted or accompanied by other psychological issues, most commonly personality disorders... ...The lies escalate slowly, which makes them harder to detect. Someone might sound like a walking textbook when talking about their symptoms, or they may be quick to duplicate the symptoms of other people around them. The lies are intricate, detailed, engrossing. Terrible setbacks are followed by miraculous recoveries. And if someone else becomes the center of attention, their condition will dramatically worsen or they will become the victim of a sudden tragic event. Some people even invent tertiary characters—friends, siblings, a concerned mother—to jump into internet threads and corroborate their stories. The lies slowly escalate, pile up, and create an improbable whole. Then one day, you realize you're friends with a 15-year-old chronic migraine sufferer online who also happens to be a fourth-year medical school student who plays drums in a band at night—despite those crippling migraines—to pay his med school tuition because his [D]eaf mother and alcoholic stepfather have no interest in his baby-genius education. Oh, and since he's not yet old enough to drive, he skateboards three miles a day to get to class.

And on that day, you feel like a total schmuck.” --The Lying Disease

--My idiot ass

Continues after cut

Like I said in my last post, there’s a lot to this. A lot a lot. It’s tempting to take the advice of the King of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland and go from the beginning to the end over a series of posts, make it a narrative because narratives are easier and, let’s face it, more glamorous and attractive. But I think that would detract from the point of the thing, which is dealing with my own shit. And in my own shit, keeping it to a narrative would make it way easier to avoid saying the things I’m afraid to say. It’d give me as much time as I wanted to put the scary stuff off, and I would do that--put it off.

It’s better for everyone to get it over with. Once this post is over, I can stop going “I can’t say that, only a monster would say that”, and people can decide whether or not I’m a monster.

So. Monstering away, I guess.

I do want to preface this with a note that dates are going to be hard. At a friend’s suggestion, I deleted the chatlogs I had because I was torturing myself with them, so I have to go by a few handfuls of stuff still remaining and crucial events in my life.

I met E in 2014 through a mutual friend of the time, who I’ll call N, again because it’s a common letter and has nothing to do with them whatsoever. N and I were working on an ongoing project, which E had expressed interest in. I agreed that E had good contributions to make, and the three of us formed a group chat, first on Skype, then on Discord*. Aside from maybe a page or two of direct messages on Discord and some back and forth on Tumblr, all of the communication I had with E was in the group chat.

E was very open about their situation, and it was as bad a situation as it gets. They were a racial minority. They were a survivor of horrendous abuse--emotional, physical, verbal, sexual. A relative had spent years victimizing them and selling the recordings to a kiddie porn ring. Their immediate family was collectively neglectful and violent, and blamed E for making trouble when they testified against their predatory relative. Their only income was their husband’s paycheck--the PTSD and CPTSD alone made it impossible for them to function day to day, and even if it hadn’t, they had severe ADHD and depression, and on top of it all, they had cancer--childhood leukemia.

I want to stop right here and say that this is a situation that happens. And it’s awful, and horrifying, and we should all be more aware of that. I also want to say that there was more to their situation in terms of difficulty, but I’m leaving a few things out that may be just unique enough as to identify them.

These pieces of information came out a few at a time over the first couple of months that I knew E. I did what I could, talking with them, trying to cheer them up when they were down, giving advice, trying to help with the cost of living when I could, reblogging posts suggesting people donate to or commission them.

I felt immense sympathy for this struggling, long-suffering warrior, and I talked to friends, family, and my therapist about them frequently, asking if they had advice for someone who was in a seriously bad way. This was nothing new--I’ve had friends in rough spots more or less since I’ve had friends, and my mom was a social worker--specifically, a Hospice worker for end-of-life care. I used to walk into the computer room at home and see Mom triumphantly getting one of her clients the prescription they needed through a discount website, or sit in the living room and hear her tirelessly talking to an insurance company for the 427th time that week getting the heat turned back on for someone in the dead of winter. It wasn’t just that I admired her work, it was that I knew she knew things, and that knowing things could change a person’s life for the better--she had helped me help friends with bills and prescriptions before.

At this time, cancer was especially important to me. Mom had been diagnosed with skin cancer several years earlier, and one or two rogue fucking cells had made it to her liver despite all efforts. She died in February of 2015, and the enormity of my grief is one of the reasons I failed to see a lot of warning signs in my relationship with E (the biggest reason, as my sister puts it in relation to dramas we watch together, is “[I] never think of deceit”). It also made me all the more determined to help E get the help they needed.

E’s cancer was, at least, mild. Their doctor believed that chemotherapy would cause more problems than it solved, so they were spared that ordeal. However, they were actively being denied a marrow transplant because of their depression and suicidal ideation. I knew the state and general area they lived in, so I asked two of my best friends/extended family who were in nursing school together what could be done. I also brought them the name of a particular drug E was taking because E often talked about not taking it because of the bad taste, something that terrified me after Mom’s passing but not something I could talk them out of--there had to be something more palatable.

My friends responded...cautiously. It was, they said, illegal to deny someone a marrow transplant on grounds of mental illness--unlike organ transplantation, marrow can be grown and harvested from a living person, so the standards for receiving a donation aren’t as rigorous. One of them is particularly familiar with the process because their child had had childhood leukemia themself and owed their life to a marrow donor.

I was confused. Had E gotten it wrong? Or was E actively being discriminated against because of their class and race? Or maybe I had gotten it wrong myself? I certainly wasn’t the brightest apple in the barrel. I must have misunderstood something.

I said as much, and asked about the medication. Like I said, one of them had had a child with the same cancer as E’s, and they had been must younger at the time, so they must have been familiar with how to alleviate bad-tasting medicine enough for someone to stomach it.

I quickly learned I must have gotten something wrong again. The medication I stated the name of was IV-only. There was no possible way for it to taste bad.

While I was checking the chatlogs and confirming that I had gotten the name of it right (I had, maybe E had gotten two meds mixed up? Surely that was it...), the other friend asked me if E had a pick or a shunt line for their IV. I responded that I didn’t know, and proceeded to forward E what I had learned, and asked them about the IV as well.

We had been out shopping at the time, and it was late when I got home, so I didn’t check for a result until the next day. E hadn’t responded to the question, and instead, E had chatted with N about something unrelated. When I questioned them again, they asked me not to go to friends about their health anymore.

Guilt rushed over me. I had gotten so wrapped up in trying to help that I hadn’t considered E’s feelings. They had given me permission to ask about things, yes, but they were so frequently tired--what was I doing dragging them through this with strangers? I apologized, and promised not to bring it up again. I chalked the odd disparities up to E’s (by now notoriously cruel and uncaring) doctors causing trouble.

E cut ties with me in July of 2016.

It was then that my friends approached me and gently told me that they knew I wouldn’t be able to accept it while I was friends with them, but E had lied.

E wasn’t being turned down for a transplant.

E didn’t have bad tasting medicine.

E couldn’t even say where their IV line was, because they didn’t have one.

E didn’t have cancer, and never had.

This was the truth. I had been taken in by it because I couldn’t fathom anyone lying about anything as serious as cancer, especially to someone who was actively mourning a family member and best friend who was taken by it.

In the time that I soaked this in, half-arguing with my family still in shock, I had four primary thoughts:

1) If E had lied about this, I couldn’t trust anything they had ever said. How could I? If they had lied about having cancer for attention and money, what else would they lie about? Their stories of abuse, childhood pornography, visits to the hospital, their family killing pets, testifying about their relative--suddenly, I found myself simultaneously doubting every word they’d ever said and hating myself for ever doubting an impoverished CSA victim with cancer that they didn’t have wait.

2) I had no evidence. I knew what was happening now, that I had been caught up in an immense and terrible lie, and probably more immense and terrible lies on top of that, but there was no way I could prove any of it. If I even said I suspected them, especially so soon after they had told me off and left, I would look like a monster trying to frame them of the Worst Things in the Worst Way.

3) My mutual friend was closer to them than I was, still caught up in the lies, and because of 2), I had no way of warning them or explaining myself.

4) Cue the music.

It turned out that not only was Friend A in nursing school and not only had her kid had cancer, she had become part of a cancer hoax watchdog group years ago because of a similar incident in her support group. A parent had claimed one of their children had cancer to gain sympathy and funds from the group, then become suspect after another child had fallen ill, then pushed it too far when both (fictitious) children and the (fictitious) father died in a (fictitious) car accident. It happens all the time, but no one wants to talk about it. Everyone in my family had known, but they had been right--I wouldn’t have accepted it while I was still in the relationship.

It’s still not easy to talk about. I still have doubts about my doubts, and the only thing I’m sure wasn’t true was the cancer. Everything else is...mixed up. It’s not something I want to believe about someone I thought of as a friend, even if I never was a friend (this is a very small portion of how Bad things were, and they would only get worse). I don’t want to ever doubt someone’s experience, and the worse someone’s experience is, the less inclined I am to question it. Terrible shit happens. I know that far too well.

That having been said, there is a logical part to me, and while it doesn’t have the warmth I like to afford people, it does things like remind me that I have an almost addictive nature when it comes to studying about psychology, and that when my mind isn’t clouded by sentiment, it knows the signs, motivations, and methods of pathological lying. In that, this was only one place E sent up massive red flags.

I’m frankly expecting my follower count to drop for this, and I’m not blaming anyone who walks. I don’t know if I’d believe me if I wasn’t me. But please read the article I linked at the top of the page (here again for your convenience), and know that I’m only speaking to the best of my knowledge. Maybe I’m wrong. I’d like to be wrong. And I am fairly certain that on some level, E truly believed everything they said.

I don’t have a good wrapup for this. It’s 4:31 AM and I’m tired and trying really hard not to just delete this entire thing.

Back to you Achewood.

*ETA: Telegram. It was actually Telegram and not Discord. I spaced there because I was talking to someone on Discord right before writing this. Not technically important, but I want this as clear as it can be.

#lamp tag #long post #longpost #scrolling #csa mention /////#abuse mention /////#cancer mention /////#lamp posts

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lapsa-lapsa · 7 years ago

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Rob James-Collier: Oh, You Handsome Devil!

As Downton Abbey's hot gay villain, Rob James-Collier finds love -- and redemption.

AARON HICKLIN

THU, 2013-01-03 09:04

Photography by David Bailey

Styling by Julian Ganio

Last March, when The New Yorker’s Ian Crouch declared an “epidemic of Downton Abbey fever,” he wasn’t wrong. The show has been nothing short of a phenomenon, a runaway success for dowdy old PBS, far outpacing in ratings that other popular period drama, Mad Men. It’s a classic tale of love and fortune with a fundamental mystery at its core, namely: How can something this schlocky be this good? Maybe it has something to do with its formula, equal parts high class to high camp (yes, Dame Maggie Smith, we’re looking at you); or its bucolic English setting; or, more likely, its blatant appeal to our closeted hankering for a butler fully versed in the art of decanting vintage port. After all is said and done, who has not wished that they, too, could be in the position to declare, like the Dowager Countess with her imperious mix of disdain and perplexity, “What is a week-end?”

Indeed, what is a weekend without Downton Abbey to cozy up with on Sunday nights? And here it is, back again to keep winter from the door—season 3, and with it the Roaring Twenties to blow away the agony of war and the insult of rationing. Expect flappers and the Charleston, and a Marcel wave or two.

Let me come clean: I haven’t seen a preview of season 3 -- in my home that would be cheating; it’s what we still call appointment TV -- but I have it on great authority that this is the season in which that villainous gay footman-turned-valet, Thomas Barrow, experiences the tender love that his poor, neglected heart so craves and needs. It’s about time. His dalliance with the Duke of Crowborough in the opening episode of season 1 turned out to be a tease. He ended season 2 in the arms of the Dowager Countess, twirling around the dance floor at the Christmas party like a neuter content to spend his prime escorting ladies of a certain age to the ball.

We should have known that creator and writer Julian Fellowes would not disappoint. Season 3 is where it all changes for young Thomas. And for us, too. Although there clearly were gay men in Edwardian England, they’ve been in scant supply on television. There was, of course, Sebastian and Charles in Brideshead Revisited, whose “naughtiness [was] high on the catalogue of grave sins,” as Evelyn Waugh wrote, but they merely hinted at what happened when the lights were off. Thomas promises to go somewhat further. It’s what makes Downton Abbey feel, well, modern.

No one, of course, is more excited by this turn of events than Rob James-Collier, the actor who secured the role of Thomas with the understanding that it was a one-season deal. “My agent said, ‘Listen, you’ve got the part that everyone in town wants—he’s a villain, he’s a great role, the only bad thing is that he dies at the end of the first series,’ ” recalls James-Collier. But Thomas clicked with the audience, and his on-screen chemistry with his maid counterpart, O’Brien (a wonderfully surly Siobhan Finneran), was irresistible. “I gave it 110 percent, and after the first couple of episodes, Liz, the producer, came to me and said, ‘We want you to stay on. Will you?’ And I was, like, ‘Fuck, yeah.’ ”

We are in Bloomsbury, London, sitting in a tiny French patisserie hardly big enough to contain James-Collier’s boundless energy. When he walks in, he immediately begins by quoting lines from articles of mine that he’s found online. It’s discombobulating. Research is my job. At another point, he puts me on the phone with a friend summoned to serve as a character reference. I feel like a luckless audience member at a comedy show, plucked from the front row as a volunteer for a gag. When I accidentally insert a “Smith” into his surname (it’s that damn hyphenate), he is gleeful as hell. “Aaron has got my name wrong, and he’s now floundering, trying to think of it,” he dictates into my recorder.

That double-barreled name, incidentally, was not his choice. He grew up in Salford, near Manchester, as plain Rob Collier, and might have stayed that way had actors union Equity not intervened to avoid confusion with another Rob Collier. “I said, ‘Can I have Rob James Collier, and they said, ‘Yeah, if you hyphenate it,’ and I said, ‘Well, can I have Rob-James Collier?’ and they said -- and this is true -- ‘No, you have to hyphenate the James and the Collier.’ ” He wasn’t happy. In England, hyphenated surnames are for posh people. “I was, like, ‘That sounds like someone from the aristocracy, as if I’m being somebody I’m not.’ But they insisted,” he recalls ruefully. In Britain, still today, there’s little more disreputable than the man or woman who puts on the airs and graces of the upper class.

I went to school with boys like James-Collier. You probably did, too. They are the entertainers and comedians, who laugh at their own pratfalls. What they lack in confidence they make up for in banter. It’s no surprise to hear that James-Collier is the joker on set, and the one with the loudest mouth. “Most actors are really shy and insular creatures,” he explains. “I’ve just always been a dick.” He remembers his first day at acting class (he found it by consulting the Yellow Pages), and realizing that he’d liberated himself. “We were doing these warm-up exercises, running around doing crazy things with our voices, and, rather than feeling stupid, I just felt that I’d come home,” he says. He was working as a marketing assistant at the time, “listening to Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon -- great album, bad album to listen to if you’re in a rut, ticking away the hours that make up a dull day.” Watching Ricky Gervais’s masterwork, The Office, compounded his sense of futility. “It was my office,” he says. “I thought, I can’t do this for the rest of my life, surely?”

Oddly, that is the same dilemma facing Thomas Barrow, shackled to servitude as a footman at Downton Abbey, always looking for an opportunity to elevate his station in life -- and failing. His pitiful efforts to establish a black market in rationed goods during season 2 spoke volumes about the limitations confronting Britain’s working class in the Edwardian era. It’s moments like those that save Downton Abbey from being merely an exercise in sumptuous costume porn.

If you grew up in Britain, as I did, the world of Downton Abbey is a familiar one, conjured in an endless parade of finely wrought television shows, which we send across the oceans like telegraphs from our gilded past. Some of them, like 1981’s 11-hour miniseries, Brideshead Revisited, which introduced Jeremy Irons to the world, or 1995’s six-episode serialization of Pride and Prejudice, which did the same for Colin Firth, strike gold. Few, however, receive quite the rapturous reception of Downton Abbey. The reason, perhaps, is fairly simple: Although Downton wears the clothes (and production values) of quality drama, it has the soul of a soap opera. As my boyfriend likes to say, it’s very efficient, meaning that things happen at lightning speed. Resolutions come thick and swift, which is all part of the pleasure.

Fellowes himself takes credit for modernizing the format by borrowing his style from U.S. shows like The West Wing, but it’s also that the concerns of the show are discernibly our concerns, albeit in Edwardian costume. For James-Collier, “Downton Abbey is a workplace like any other. You’re going to get cliques of people who don’t like each other -- Thomas and O’Brien versus Bates and Anna -- and you’re going to get people who really love doing their jobs and people who are bitter and feel they’re just a number. It’s about relationships in the workplace environment, and people can identify with that because the same problems and political conflicts you have in work today were relevant back then.”

Coincidentally or otherwise, almost all the actors who play servants in Downton Abbey got their start in English soap operas -- gritty exercises in social realism, fully rooted in working-class culture. The oldest of those shows, Coronation Street -- set in Manchester -- has run continuously for 52 years, and nurtured generations of acting talent. James-Collier arrived on the series in 2006, as “loveable rogue” Liam Connor, and stayed for two years before deciding he wanted to take on a different kind of challenge.

“It’s a great, brilliant show, but you have to make a decision,” he says. “I’m not knocking anyone for going that way [of soap operas] -- you can get security, and God knows we need that, but I think you’re limited then in terms of your options as an actor.” After Coronation Street, he was out of work for 15 months, waiting for the right thing to come along. “I watched people who had left these kinds of shows and had seen what happened,” he says. “So I knew you had to literally put the shutters down and just pray and hope that something would come along, and when the wolves were near the door, Downton Abbey came.”

James-Collier has joked that his character’s sexuality became so muted in season 2 that he called up Fellowes and asked, “Am I still gay?” Yes, it turns out. In season 3, we get to see Thomas outed in a powerful sequence of episodes that James-Collier considers the best acting of his career. “It’s the series where we really comes to grips with Thomas’s sexuality and the impact being gay must have had on him, in Edwardian times,” he says. “If you’re including a gay character, there’s an onus and responsibility to at least show what the impact of the time will be on him, and of him on that time. Thankfully we’ve done that, and I’m so proud that I’ve been used to tell that tale.”

A confrontation between Thomas and the butler, Mr. Carson, proves to be a high point, and one that confers uncommon dignity on the footman. “It’s a lovely, beautiful moment,” says James-Collier, clearly delighted by the opportunity to redeem his character. “If you were gay in those times, the fact that you’re even functioning, how you’re not completely fucked up by that, is beyond me.”

Although not gay in real life, he says he has empathy for misfits and outsiders, perhaps because of his own atypical route to acting. Even now it’s clear that he can’t quite believe that he’s earned his place as an actor. He recalls sitting opposite Maggie Smith during the first read-through (“a proper pinch-yourself moment”) and feeling that everything out of his mouth sounded like wooden splinters. It can’t be easy playing the least lovable character on the show. When she arrived on set, guest star Shirley MacLaine greeted him with the words, “It’s you -- the evil one! Why are you so evil?” The answers, apparently, are all in season 3. “With O’Brien and Thomas, you’ve got these two forces, and it’s a kind of paradox -- they work for this great house that keeps them off the streets and from starving, and yet they absolutely despise the system they’re in, because there’s no other option,” he says. “In a weird way Thomas wants to bring down the system, but if he did he’d be putting himself out of a job and a home.”

As he was talking, I remembered something: My own grandmother, now 92, had started her working life “in service” as they say, at the age of 14, still a child herself. That would have been in the 1930s -- the same era as Julian Fellowes other big country–house hit, Gosford Park, for which he won a best original screenplay Oscar in 2002. At the time my grandmother went into service, her father was ill and her mother was struggling to hold things together. “It was an awful wrench to leave my sisters and brothers at home, but it was one less pair of shoes under the table,” she explains when I ask about her experiences. My grandmother, a country girl, didn’t work in the big house (as one of her sisters did), but for a doctor’s family, where she was excruciatingly lonely.

“I think that’s the reason I got married so young -- to get out of it,” she says. “I did all the cooking and all the cleaning, and had one half day off a week, and a whole day off once a month.”

“No weekends, then?” I ask.

“Oh, there were no weekends,” she says, conjuring Maggie Smith’s glorious bafflement in season 1. It is to Downton Abbey’s credit that this stark double meaning isn’t entirely lost on the audience, or that the disparity between those upstairs and those downstairs isn’t varnished into oblivion. It’s left to us to imagine how people of O’Brien’s resourcefulness or Thomas’s ambition would fare in our own age, but one thing’s certain—they wouldn’t be spending their weekends polishing the silver.

https://www.out.com/entertainment/television/2013/01/03/rob-james-collier-downton-abbey

#robert james collier #thomas barrow #downton abbey #interview

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nebulacorps · 4 years ago

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SAMPLE APP

here is another sample app! if vorna’s sample app is an example of the minimum we’re looking for in an app, this app is the opposite! you do not have to write this much or expand the skeleton to the same degree. but if that’s where the muse calls you then we would be happy to see it! this app was written by my lovely co-admin rion! i hope it helps!

STATS

Chosen skeleton: The Technician

Full Name: Tergi Daxu

Age: 12

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Species: Alien ( Prequian )

Faceclaim: Rocket Raccoon

HEADCANONS

( + ) : dependable, hardworking, vigilant, paternal

( - ) : blunt, critical, controlling, stressed

Tergi has been in the Nebula Corps for ages now. He came on as a junior technician when he was five, and has never had another job. It’s the same job his own father had when he was a kid, and it was from him that Tergi learned the skills he needed to do it well. He lacks any sort of formal higher education — save for on the job training, but he’s damn good at what he does and… not much else. He understands the ship and what needs to happen to keep it running, but that’s always been enough. That’s why there are other crew members, to even everything out. It’s a carefully balanced system, one that Tergi has seen work well for seven years now. Every team has run with ease. Every team, that is, until the last one. Tergi had what one might call irreconcilable differences with the engineer. A distaste for each other quickly became a glorified pissing match which escalated with unprecedented speed. It almost cost the team the mission, damaged the integrity of the ship they had been stationed on, and ended with both Tergi and the engineer being severely reprimanded.

He’s practically a veteran, nearing the age of retirement (if not having already passed it), reliable as any of the technicians in the Nebula Corps, and should have a place on Team Alpha by now, if it weren’t for the dark spot on his record. He’s in the second half of his life, he’s got three kids and a wife, he just wants to go home, but he needs the retirement benefits that Nebula Corps offers so he’s sticking it out for a few more missions. Even if he’s on some low priority team. He was not expecting Team Proxima. He was not expecting a pilot to go rogue before the mission even began. He was not expecting for anything to happen that could overshadow the dark spot he already had. Yet, here they are, committing what is essentially piracy, on an unapproved mission, no backup…. he could go on about the aspects of the mission that worry him, but with a sigh he’s realized he has to make this work. If there’s any chance of him getting a good retirement, this mission needs to be more than a success; it has to be done so well that Nebula Corps will be forced to forgive the circumstances under which it began.

The problem? Well, the crew itself seems to be (as far as Tergi can tell) just as chaotic as their pilot. If he wants this to go well, it’s going to take a lot of work on his part. He does his best to explain that if everyone was just a little more careful things would go a lot smoother.

COOL ▰ ▰ ▱ ▱ ▱ : tergi really tries his best to keep a level head. he knows it would be better for his job if he could, and he tries his best. however, tergi has always been prone to stress ( and team proxima raises such feelings without even trying ) . likewise, as was the case with the engineer on his last team, certain personalities can dig their way under his skin and cause him to lash out, though he usually will not make the first strike.

CHARM ▰ ▰ ▱ ▱ ▱ : there’s a sort of awkward paternal charm to tergi. in his bluntness and clumsiness with interpersonal interactions, he can be somewhat endearing. however, at the end of the day he is brutally honest and doesn’t often think about how his words might affect his crew mates, and has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth without even realizing it.

SHARP ▰ ▰ ▰ ▱ ▱ : tergi might not be book educated, but where it counts, he knows what he’s doing. he’s been taking care of nebula corps ships for over half of his life now, and at this point it is almost second nature.

TOUGH ▰ ▰ ▰ ▰ ▱ : there’s a particular constitution that prequians ( and, although he doesn’t want to hear about, their earth born counterparts ) are known for, and tergi is no different. add that to the fact that he’s used to the little accidents that come when working on a ship, along with being an active member of the nebula corps for 7 years, he’s a pretty resilient little guy.

ARSENAL ▰ ▰ ▱ ▱ ▱ : tergi isn’t completely unprepared if it comes to blows, but he’s certainly not the most powerful fighter on the ship. he can hold his own for a little while, just long enough to hopefully get himself out of trouble. the truth is, he’s getting old; he’d rather avoid fighting altogether.

LASERS VS FEELINGS : 5 : tergi definitely has “dad energy” but that dad is awkward, stressed, and doesn’t totally understand the best way to interact with people. he can be a bit controlling, as he wants to make sure this mission goes as well as possible ( with the ship making it through in peak condition ) and isn’t really sure how to impart how important that is to him to the others. he’ll say the wrong thing without even realizing it, but is much better at solving problems that have to do with the ship.

CORE TRAIT : DEPENDABLE : save for the last mission, tergi has been one of the most reliable engineers in the nebula corps, but it isn’t just that he’s dependable in his work ethic. even though he isn’t great with feelings, he is a good friend to have. he shows his love by fixing things for you, or by listening ( though he’s likely to say something ill advised or a strange platitude that doesn’t totally make sense after ).

MOTIVATION : KEEP THE SHIP INTACT : if the mission goes well, and the ship is in peak condition when it is returned, tergi can hold out hope that he won’t be held responsible.

PLOTS

I’m excited to see Tergi grow to accept the team. I think right now he’s reluctant team dad because it benefits him. He needs them to do well so that the mission goes well nad he can get what he needs to retire. I think through the course of the group he’ll come into more of a “team dad because I care about my ragtag children crew” vibe.

I have the urge for the more .. reactionary version of Tergi that exists to pulled into play, the one who got into trouble due to his fight with the engineer on the last team. Something that would push him over the edge for sure would be damage to the outbound communication systems. I think, if this is possible, Tergi has been keeping in touch with his wife and kids pretty regularly, and cutting him off from that would really push him to be very upset, both personally and professionally. Additionally, the outbound comms being down might have a bunch of other more group wide implications.

For the drama… and this would have to happen near the end because it would require Tergi to be close with the team to a point where this would actually be a hard choice, but making Tergi choose between honorable recognition within the Neubla Corps and supporting the team. Perhaps there’s an offer to expunge his record in exchange for revealing their location to HQ, or something similar.

SPECIES INFO

Parallel evolution is an interesting thing. The Prequians come from an Earth-like, although generally more advanced, planet. They evolved similarly to the Earth Racoon for similar reasons, but managed to develop further than their counterparts. They have their own language, cultural organization (which values family very highly), and outlive the average Racoon in the wild by about 17 years. Similarities continue between the two species in that the Prequians are scavengers, but not just for food. Small hands (With opposable thumbs! Suck it trash pandas!) were found to be perfect for dealing with delicate pieces of technology. They built up their own society by using discarded tech from other species and improving upon it. While not all Prequians take part in this, it is a large part of their society and how they got to where they are currently.

Species stat wise, I imagine them as similar (though not identical) to Rock Gnomes in DND 5E, with some Racoon vibes thrown in to even it out. Here’s some details!

Favored abilities: Prequians tend to be intelligent and hardy.

Lifespan: The same as the Earth Racoon when in captivity, the average being 20 years. If I’m doing my math right here that makes Tergi basically 60 human years old. He would very much like to retire soon.

Size: Between 24 and 38 inches, weighing between 14 and 25 lbs. Tergi is 40 inches and it is more important to him than it should be.

Speed: Little legs, so not super fast when just walking, but on all fours pretty zippy! Can run up to speeds of 15 mph, though not for very long.

Other notes: Tend to be good swimmers, can see decently well in the dark, amazing sense of touch, colorblind, naturally nocturnal but can adjust. Due to the colorblind aspect, Tergi uses little tags to mark wires on the ship where color is important.

ANYTHING ELSE

Here’s a pinterest board !

Here’s a muse tag !

TV Tropes: Book Dumb, Bezerk Button, The Comically Serious, The Complainer Is Always Wrong, Control Freak, Crippling Overspecialization, Dude Where’s My Respect?, Happily Married, Hard Work Hardly Works, Only Sane Employee, Not So Above It All, Parental Substitute, Standard ‘50s Father, The Reliable One, White Sheep, Workaholic,

Character inspiration: Bob Belcher (Bob’s Burgers), Dr. Cdr. Ryan Dalias (EOS 10), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development), John Yossarian (Hulu’s Catch 22)

#sample app

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journeysintowebcomics · 7 years ago

Text

Worm Liveblog #46

UPDATE 46: Nothing Good Ever Happens to Him

Last time Flechette had gone to her first patrolling since she arrived to Brockton Bay to be a temporary member of the Wards. She had intended to bond with Shadow Stalker, wanting to have a friend of her same age and gender. You can guess how that went, given Shadow Stalker’s vigilantism tendencies. At least she managed to connect with Parian, so it’s not all bad. Let’s continue with the next chapter!

“Welcome to Parahumans 103: Theories and Patterns. I see we have a packed auditorium, and according to the enrollment list, we have no less than three hundred students taking the TV course. A bump up from the last two trimesters, so I must be doing something right.”

Oh, nice. Looks like this chapter may have some explanations regarding parahumans. That’s always nice. Given that most Wards and some PRT members are here, I suppose there’s some credibility regarding the accuracy of this course, unless they all came here to watch if this guy knows what he’s talking about – unlikely. You don’t need all Wards to be here for that.

Although...some of the Wards aren’t paying attention. Hm. Maybe being here is something they can’t avoid, maybe it’s mandatory?

Only thirteen people present, altogether.

...well! This must be a hella tiny auditorium! They’re lucky three hundred students are taking the TV course, although I’d bet only around 75% are taking it with some seriousness. This is a college class, it seems.

“For this class, I want you to think. Parahumans. People with powers. They’ve been around for nearly thirty years. Where did they come from? Why are they here? It’s common knowledge that parahumans are ordinary individuals who gained abilities. It is too easy, however, to assume that this is the sum total of our knowledge. I want you to think further on the subject. For example, why does virtually every parahuman ability have some application in confrontation and combat? Is this the nature of humans, to turn any progress to violent ends, be it science or superpower? Or is it by design, an individual’s hand at work?

Huh. Well, I’m not completely sure every single parahuman ability is meant to be used in confrontation and combat, but yeah, everyone knows a trait humans have is that we can get really creative when we want to be. It’d be no problem for a parahuman to think of a way to use their ability during a strife. The amount of parahumans who don’t want to use them for any kind of confrontation seems to be rather low, at least I judge that by the number of known rogues so far, compared to the amount of heroes and villains there are.

I suppose there’s a possibility it is by design, that something in the parahumans’ brains change at the moment they obtain their abilities, something that makes them be predisposed to fighting and combat. It’s already known trigger events and gaining skills can affect a person’s brain and behavior. It’s possible it happens to everyone and nobody has realized it yet.

Miss Militia’s...vision from when she gained her own skill is a bit puzzling, though, now that this guy mentions it could be an individual’s hand at work. Wasn’t the colossal being breaking down, wasn’t it dying? Hard for it to be controlling anything when it’s dead. I can’t rule out the possibility parahumans are influenced in some way, though. That is, if such vision wasn’t something kind of metaphorical. It could have been Miss Militia’s mind coping with the newly gained power.

With the destructive potential of these abilities, why do so very few individuals perish in the chaotic and unpredictable emergence of their talents?

Instinctual knowledge on how to use the powers, perhaps? Studying what went wrong in those few individuals who died at their awakening may be a good idea.

Wow, it seems this chapter will be filled with a lot of worldbuilding. A good time as any to learn and try to see if my understanding of the powers here is accurate enough.

Throughout the course, we’re going to be looking at correlations and patterns, both in relation to trigger events and other things. For example, how does the nature of the trigger event shape the power? A study by Garth and Rogers suggests that psychological stress leads to a higher prevalence of mentally driven powers. Tinkers, thinkers, masters, shakers. The more physical violence that is involved, the higher the bias towards physically driven powers.

It’s true that trigger events seem to be related in some way to the powers, but in some cases not directly – not that I can say much about this stuff, I only know a total of two awakenings: Taylor’s and Brian’s. Taylor’s was filled with a lot of anguish and desperation, she felt the insects not in the locker but in a considerable ratio. I’m not sure how what happened to her is related to the bugs, but...yeah, it could be said there was a link between her awakening and her power, even if it is a very tenuous link. Brian’s awakening doesn’t seem to have much in relation to his power, but I should point I don’t know the exact circumstances of the moment he triggered. Maybe it was dark. Maybe he had wanted to blend with the shadows to stay out of that man’s sight and attack stealthily. All I know about Brian’s awakening is the broad details. Maybe if I ever see another trigger event described here in Worm, I can have a better idea of the correlation, or maybe it’ll be answered here in this chapter, anyway.

Yeah, it seems families have an easier time awakening to powers, most likely without the need for triggers. There’s something rather curious about the fact powers can be passed to future generations or siblings, it suggests some sort of genetic predisposition, which is...unlikely, I think.

Turns out none of the Wards are interested in this in the slightest. As I thought, they’re not here because they want to be! This is Piggot wanting to give them an education. Does she think knowing the details about how their power works will help them? Maybe it will, but...yeah, given the current state of the city, it’s unlikely they’ll have much use for this stuff. I sympathize with Clockblocker here.

Hell, it was on videotape, a recording of last year’s lectures. Why couldn’t they watch it in their off hours? It was just a fucked up set of priorities enforced on them from the people in charge.

Oh, it wasn’t a live class? I suppose that explains why the teacher’s words didn’t fit the, you know, the fact there were only thirteen people here. I’m pretty sure most Wards wouldn’t watch this, not even in their off hours.

More women than men have powers, for example, and there are more powers in undeveloped countries than there are in industrialized ones

Hm. More chances for powers to awaken in those undeveloped countries, I suppose. A harder life gives you tougher situations to battle, and when you’re losing, you get that boost through a power. It’s not like parahumans are rare, though. Don’t get me wrong, I know that in a city like Brockton Bay, which surely has dozens of thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of people (or even more than that), the number of parahumans isn’t going to go over a hundred or two hundred. Parahumans are rare. But these few parahumans are very known, the effects of their presence is felt by everybody. Undeveloped countries must be quite...difficult to live in, if more awakenings than usual happen in those places.

Witch burnings in Uganda, most likely because people feared parahumans and their weird abilities. Oh joy.

“Another pattern we will be exploring is the apparent effect of multiple trigger events occurring in the same time and place. There is a very strong correlation between coinciding trigger events and individuals displaying three or more powers rather than one or two predominant ones.”

It took me a few times to understand this paragraph. So…those capes that have several powers…it may be because more than one cape awakened at the same time than them. I wonder…if that happens, then all capes that awaken at the same time in the same area would all have more than one power? It’s unlikely they’d have the same ability, but would they both have lots of powers?

Unlike the other teachings so far, this does have some immediate practical use, Kid Win asks Flechette if she knows about other parahumans awakening at the same time than hers. There was a villain…but it’s not confirmed if that has anything to do with Flechette. Still, it’s worth thinking. Weld has no patience for people talking during class, and tells them to shut up and pay attention – in kinder yet blunter terms than these. Yeah, Weld’s not endearing himself to the rest yet. It’s a shame, I know he has good intentions, but it’s going to be hard to lead the team if nobody likes him.

Scion is a deviation to the norm – I’d think so, being the first parahuman ever. The Endbringers are deviation to the norm – I’d think so too, I mean, they weren’t ever human, according to Tattletale. Nilbog may or may not be a deviation to the norm – who the heck is Nilbog? The last deviation mentioned are the Case 53, the one with the tattoos. Weld is one of them and Clockblocker knows it. I wonder if anyone in the Wards will ask him about how he got powers? It could give us readers some information about this clearly abnormal situation.

Weeks five and six, assuming we’re on schedule, we’ll pull all earlier material together and discuss the beginnings of the parahuman phenomenon. Not for the individual, as with trigger events, but as a whole. Where do capes come from? There is the patient zero theory, typically working under the assumption that Scion is the source of these abilities. This, however, raises questions about where Scion came from. The theory is corroborated by the case of Andrew Hawke, who came into contact with Scion on the very first sighting of the hero, only to manifest powers of his own… but there are others who manifested powers without ever coming into contact with Scion or entering a location where Scion had visited.”

“There’s the viral theory, supposing some advanced virus, though it is flimsy at best in justifications, with no identified culprits, method of transmission or explanation as to how it provides the actual powers. The genetics theory is popular, but has been thoroughly debunked.

Okay, this is a lot of information. Let’s see what theory I think it more likely…genetics is off the table. While it’s true families have powers and those powers are similar to each other, this wouldn’t explain how people awaken to powers. The theory about Scion being the source of these abilities…unless he was floating around Taylor’s school when she had her trigger event, that sounds unlikely. Viral theory…that may be it. If I remember biology correctly, viruses modify the host’s DNA in the cells it invades, and multiplies to continue invading the body. I think there’d be some logic in that theory. The problem I see is that they’d have to determine where the virus came from, and that’s going to be hella tough. Then again, nothing is easy when it’s about doing science.

The Parahuman Theory Power Hour is interrupted when Clockblocker receives an urgent message. He should go see his father in the hospital. Dang…did his father get injured recently, during the Leviathan incident or during the riots happening right now? This isn’t going to help Clockblocker feel any better about having to sit around listening to year-old classes.

At some point, Clockblocker’s father got sick with an infection, and he’s now dying. He won’t last long. That’s why Clockblocker has to go to the hospital right now. I suppose it’s not impossible the infection happened because of the attack or because what’s going on now. He doesn’t leave immediately, first he asks Glory Girl to have a word with him outside.

“New Wave may be disbanding. My mom suggested that if I wanted to keep being a hero, I should consider joining the Wards. So I’m here, checking things out. Your leader and director okayed it.”

Oh. Dang, the two deaths this family suffered really hit them hard…is Panacea going to join the Wards too? Maybe. I don’t think Lady Photon will stop being a hero, maybe Laserdream will…hm. I never thought someone would stop being a hero after the attack. Glory Girl isn’t sure if she’ll join or if she’ll be like a vigilante. The portraits in the lobby don’t help leave behind the pain and sorrow, that’s for sure. It’d be tough to walk through there, with Gallant’s portrait watching you.

The reason why Clockblocker wanted to talk with her is because he wants to ask Glory Girl if Panacea could heal his father. He has leukemia, he has an infection because he got injured during the Leviathan attack…I feel bad for him and Clockblocker, that’s really awful. I hope Panacea does heal this guy’s father. Glory Girl won’t promise anything, but…maybe it’ll happen!

Weld and Vista exit the room to let Clockblocker know they paused the video for when they return – a tacit ‘permission granted’ for Clockblocker to leave. He doesn’t want to tell the rest about what’s going on with his father, he doesn’t want to make anyone else worry.

“I’ll trust you have reason for this,” Weld smiled slightly, showing a row of white metal teeth, “But don’t take too long. You’re on patrol at two this afternoon, and that doesn’t allow us much leeway for delays if we want to finish watching.”

Oh my god. I know Weld has the best intentions, and I know he’s not aware of what’s happening with Clockblocker’s father, but he really has an uncanny skill to say the wrong stuff at the wrong time. Are we sure that’s not his secondary power or something? I’m amazed Clockblocker managed to not say anything besides ‘alright’ until Weld returned inside.

At least Vista is willing to give him a chance, and defends him when Clockblocker comments what it’s he doesn’t like about Weld – that Weld is asking them to work as hard as he’s working, which is no mean feat. Something about this all makes Clockblocker snidely ask Vista if she’s channeling Gallant—oh my goodness, this whole team is falling apart. Brockton Bay may be falling into pieces right now, and so are the Wards! There goes Vista, running away, and this didn’t earn any brownie points with Glory Girl, either. At least she kind of forgives him.

“But you’d better go after that girl and apologize. Because the way I heard it from Kid Win, you were the one who told everyone else to be extra nice to her, because she was taking it hard. You convinced Shadow Stalker to play nice, and from what Kid Win said before class started, that was a pretty big deal. Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know your team like you do, but I’d guess that if you don’t fix this, your team won’t forgive you for a long time.”

Well, yeah, they hardly will forgive him, even with the stuff about his father. ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ is not a good leadership style – even if Clockblocker is not the leader. Spurred by Glory Girl, he hurries down the hall to look for Vista.

No wonder Vista was hit so hard by Gallant’s death. She had a crush on him. Even though she knew she had no chances with him, she still liked being with him. That’s rough…it seems it wasn’t a secret, and Gallant never had anything bad to say about Vista. He never had anything bad to say about anyone. Well, no, he had bad things to say like any normal teenager when he was forced to do stuff that was a huge hassle.

But what Clockblocker wants to make Vista see, is that Gallant enjoyed spending time with him and with her, using as an example how he smiled or replied ‘great’ when he was assigned to patrolling with Clockblocker or her. Ah, that’s a rather nice detail. Good show-don’t-tell, even if it was a secondhand account from another character.

Clockblocker has so much frustration inside it’s a wonder he hasn’t tried to punch Weld.

I was, am, angry. At the pointlessness of what happened, what’s still happening out there. I get frustrated and angry when I’m here, because I feel like I should be out on the streets. I get pissed off when I’m out on patrol because I feel like I should be with my family… but when I’m with my family, I feel frustrated and helpless because I can’t do anything there…

There are very few emotions worse than knowing there’s nothing you can’t do about something you’d like to change. Asking Panacea for help must have been his very last resort option, and it’s not guaranteed she’ll do anything. Heck, he hasn’t even talked to her face to face.

At least this sincere heart-to-heart is helping Vista cheer up a little, so I’d say he is forgiven. The team’s weakened bonds will last for a while longer. With some luck they’ll all get a break, the civilians will stop rioting, and everyone will be able to mourn properly.

…

…it’s only going to get worse, isn’t it? Since the first chapter, everything in Brockton Bay keeps escalating. It’s hard to imagine something more brutal or deadly than an Endbringer attack, and there are like twenty arcs left. What else do you have in your box of frightening surprises, Mr. Wildbow?

“…I was taking it out on the new guy, when he probably doesn’t deserve it.”

In all fairness, the new guy isn’t getting A+ in sensitivity.

“I miss the old Dennis. The guy who picked a sorta rude codename and announced himself in front of the news so Piggy and the other people in charge couldn’t really make him change it. Because it was funny. Because he liked pushing the limits and because he saw this all as something fun. The new Dennis is so angry. Now I guess I get why.”

“Aren’t you? Angry? At everything that’s going on? At the unfairness of what happened?”

She shook her head, which amounted to rubbing her head against his shoulder. “Yeah. But you can’t let it consume you. If you really don’t like Weld, you don’t have to force yourself to get along with him. But don’t stay like this. Don’t stay angry.”

Wow…are we sure Vista is just thirteen years old? She’s being rather mature right now, and generally I’d say she has good control over her emotions. This is a very mature kid. I’m starting to be fond of her.

I know she’s a secondary character and therefore I don’t think she’s going to make lots of appearances in the main story, but here I do this, as a token of appreciation. What a good kid. Chances are she’s the only Ward that’ll have a meter.

Say, since I gave her one, I better give Armsmaster one too. I meant to do it before but I forgot.

Sure, I despise him, but as a character I’m rather interested in what he’s doing and where it’ll go. I wonder how his “retirement” is going? In the Birdcage? Is he really there? Anyway, yeah, I’m interested in him.

The poignant emotional moments are over when they go to return to the classroom. There’s trouble. Wards away!

Alright, this goes beyond ‘trouble’. I’ll spare you the description. All you have to know, is that it’s not a pretty scene. It’s rather brutal, three mutilated bodies in three different ways. That kind of hints to three different attackers, doesn’t it? Because the MOs are so different. It’s also said there are another two crime scenes like this one. As if the riots and the destruction of the city hadn’t been enough trouble. I knew things were going to get worse! Knowing this story is full of people with powers, I suppose there are three superpowered murderers on the loose.

The Travelers are here. It’s unlikely they’re the ones who did all this, but since they’re, you know, villains and therefore are untrustworthy, Weld tries to get them to come, because they’re suspects anyway.

“Let us go. Whatever happened here, it deserves your full attention. You should be trying to find and capture the real criminals. This guy here was still alive when we arrived.” Trickster pointed at the man with the chain limbs.

I wonder if he said anything. Well, even if he did, it’s unlikely the Travelers will be cooperative, what with Weld’s request of turning themselves in. Not wanting to be imprisoned, a fight ensues.

Until now I had only seen Tricker’s power as a way to help, I hadn’t seen it during a fight. While Ballistic keeps Weld on the defensive through continuous assaults with thrown objects – some of which may get stuck on Weld, if he throws something metallic – and Genesis is the close combat fighter of the team, Trickster gives support by swapping people around and causing confusion. Clockblocker is taken away before he can freeze anyone, Kid Win’s shot is countered by swapping him with Trickster himself…it’s going to be difficult to get a good grip on this guy, with all these teleportation hijinks.

Sundancer’s sun is also rather effective at keeping people away, nobody wants to be close to a superheated orb, and it can also set nearby wood on fire.

To try to counter Trickster, several of the Wards charge at once towards him, so if Clockblocker is swapped with anyone he won’t be taken too far away. Vista’s space-warping skill also helps get there faster. Hm. Shadow Stalker is still away, isn’t she? Clockblocker could be swapped with her, or Trickster could swap himself with one of the Wards. Catching him is going to be rather difficult.

Weld ducked one of Ballistic’s attacks, then charged for the orb, striking it out of the air with one fist. The blow dispersed it enough that Sundancer couldn’t draw it back together, and a wave of hot air washed over everyone present.

Weld, for his part, staggered back, his hand glowing white-hot. He flexed his glowing hand, and it moved slowly, stiffly. Even as far down as his elbow, the metal of his arm was an orange-red.

How fortunate it wasn’t hot enough to melt! Still, that’s going to stay hot for a while. Good thinking, Weld, if a tad risky. Sundancer is much easier to deal with than Trickster, he keeps getting Clockblocker in situations where he could freeze one of his teammates. My mind is blank regarding ideas about how to capture him.

There’s not much progress, soon the Wards are in the center and the Travelers are to the sides. Easy enough position to attack, if they wanted. Escaping, though, that’s going to be difficult, at least for two of the Travelers. Guess the fight won’t be over yet.

Genesis exhales lots of a vapor that seems to be created specifically to make them have a hard time breathing. Even a trace of it makes Clockblocker cough.

So, that’s what a changer nine brings to the table. Different forms, each with their own powers.

You got that wrong, pal. If I remember correctly, this here is a projection, the real Genesis is not present here during the fight. She’s somewhere else, most likely nearby. In that case, can she be defined as a changer nine? Maybe, yeah, but it’s possible another classification is needed. Then again, it’s possible the Wards and the Protectorate aren’t aware of how Genesis’ power works!

At least it seems that one way for Clockblocker and Weld to get along is to fight villains. Thank goodness! You know what they say, fire-forged friendships are forever. Who knows if they’ll reach such level.

He realized what it was, this calm. Whatever else it was, this fight was a refuge from that feeling that had plagued him since the fight with Leviathan ended. The feeling that he was always in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, in the face of a city in crisis and a dying father. This, right here, was where he was needed.

This is what I’m here for.

Hm. I’d chalk it up to the adrenaline, but if Clockblocker is feeling better and can take his mind off the lots of problems his life has, then it’s good. Good luck, guys.

So first it was Weld, then it was Flechette, then it was Clockblocker...I suppose Vista, Shadow Stalker and Kid Win are still yet to come. I wonder which one will be the next? Guess that’ll be for next time!

Next update: in six updates

#worm #worm liveblog #story liveblog #liveblog #book liveblog

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