#i accidentally wrote an essay last night

[pealeii]

newtmas playlist 🥲

[sanarsi]

You’re doing great, sweetie

no-outbreak!professor!Joel Miller x student!f!Reader

Summary: You came to your professor to ask for help with your essay. He accidentally discovers one of your dirty secrets which is him. Warnings: +18, MDNI, age gap (reader is 20, Joel is 50), soft!dom!Joel (oh you’re gonna love him), unprotected/protected PIV, pet names (honey, baby, sweetheart, sweetie), blowjob, fingering, cum eating Wordcount: 4,8k An: I am WEAK for caring and sweet Joel so that's who he is here. He’s wonderful and I love him with all my heart so I hope you love him too xx Music I worked with: Ultraviolence - Lana Del Rey

Masterlist

Studying was hard. You shed sweat and tears there.

You tried.

You really tried.

Despite this, you weren't proud of yourself. You knew you could do better. You were like an executioner to yourself. Sleepless nights, thousands of notes and liters of coffee. That's what it cost you to pass a measly 95%.

Fucking 95%.

Where's the missing 5%? Where did you make a mistake that cost you as much as 5%? You had no idea. But you knew where you could find out.

Professor Miller's office was always open. Always invited stray students. Or in your case, perfectionists. Always welcomed with warmth and the smell of herbs. His office was a place of momentary respite and the feeling that the world wasn't really running, it was you. And that's why when you knocked on his door and were greeted by his warm smile, you finally felt like you could breathe.

“Professor,” you said with a smile, tightening your grip around a few notebooks.

"My favorite student," he replied in a warm but tired voice. No wonder, it was Friday and already late. Nothing worse than you could have happened to him.

“I'm sorry to disturb-”

“You know very well that you never disturb me,” he interrupted you immediately. You pursed your lips into a line, feeling your stomach tighten. He was always like this... And you still haven't gotten used to it. "Come in, I'll make you some tea," he offered, moving to the side. You smiled nervously and slipped inside.

"Actually, I prefer coffee."

"Coffee then," he nodded, closing the door and heading towards what replaced the small kitchen. You placed the stack of notebooks on the table and placed your bag on the ground. You looked around the office decorated in shades of dark brown and beige.

Everything here was thought out. Delicate accessories. Perfectly arranged books. Large oak desk. A table and a few chairs. And a large leather sofa by the window.

You liked being here. But the office itself was not enough. It was Professor Miller who gave it life. It was his energy that permeated every inch that made you feel at home here. Or at least that's what you wanted home to feel like.

You looked out the window at the small park in the middle of campus. The leaves on the trees were yellow, heralding the beginning of autumn. And everything would be beautiful if it weren't for the nasty weather. You don't even remember the last time you felt the sun's rays on your skin. Everything was as if under a dome of thick clouds.

“There are upsides to this weather,” professor's voice rang out behind you. You turned around just as he was placing two cups of coffee on the table.

"Like?" you asked, walking closer and sitting on the chair. Joel followed your lead and sat down with a soft groan. You smiled in amusement.

"Well..." he began, raising his eyebrows and leaned back, "actually, there aren't any," he finished after a moment's thought. “Unless you like rain and greyness,” he added with a smile.

You chuckled to yourself at his words. Sometimes you wished Joel was your main teacher. He was the only one who was just normal.

“What are you coming to me with?” he asked finally. You blinked a few times and cleared your throat, shifting in your chair. How should you tell him this...?

“I wanted to talk about the last essay we wrote,” you began calmly, seeing understanding immediately appear on Joel's face. "I wanted to know why you subtracted 5% from me."

"Of course you would like to know..." he muttered under his breath, amused, and shook his head. He looked at you with warmth in his eyes and was silent for a moment before sighing. “Honey, are you really going to fight for the stupid 5%?” he asked, hoping that maybe you'd change your mind and save you both from having to work on nothing.

“It's important 5%” you corrected him and he just looked at you in amusement. His smile was like a ray of sunshine on these cloudy days. Joel sighed, shaking his head and took off his glasses to wipe his tired face. He looked at you one more time before standing up and moving towards his desk. He pushed his glasses up his nose as he looked through the stack of papers, looking for your name. After a while he returned to his place with a few papers. He began to silently look through your work while you calmly drank your coffee. The coffee he made was always the best.

“Yeah okay…” he spoke after a few long minutes before he dropped your work on the table and slid it towards you. You put down your cup and took the papers. “The first half is good. Very good actually," he began to explain as you looked through a few pieces of paper, "But somewhere in the middle you completely changed your writing style. I didn't like it.” He glanced at the papers, wrinkling his nose. “The sentences were so…empty,” he explained, so you looked at him.

Was it really just about that? About the stupid writing style?

You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling a pang in your heart.

“Is there anything I can do to improve?” you asked, sounding so delicate as if the slightest stimulus could break you. Joel was silent for a moment, staring at you. And he might start cursing you for how soft his heart was towards you.

He nodded slowly and drank his coffee. Every second of his silence seemed to drag on forever. The sound of the cup being placed down echoed in your head. You blinked a few times, waiting for him to speak but your leg began to tremble restlessly under the table.

“I'll do anything,” you said, unable to bear the silence. Joel smiled shaking his head.

"I know," he replied warmly. He cleared his throat, shifting in the chair. "Read the whole thing and mark the moment when you notice the change I mentioned to you," he instructed, to which you nodded and immediately got to work. In the meantime, he got up and continued what your visit had interrupted. Organizing papers wasn't his favorite thing to do, but he had to do it someday.

For several minutes you were focused on every word you wrote on these papers a week ago. The work was still satisfactory, but only now you were able to notice what the professor had mentioned. You winced as you read the sentences that looked like they were written by a robot. You understood why he deducted 5% from you.

“I can see it now,” you said, looking up. Joel stopped reading and placed the papers on the shelf before heading towards you. He stopped behind you and rested his hand on the back of your chair. His fingers touched your sweater, making you sit up straighter. You glanced at him as he leaned closer, looking at your work.

“Mhm,” he murmured, nodding. His attention was focused on the text until he finally straightened up. “Start from this point again. Write, I will come and check,” he ordered, looking down at you. “Then we'll talk about those important 5%,” he finished and you nodded automatically. You liked it when he was professional. Gravity and authority suited him. You followed him with your eyes and only when he returned to looking through his papers, you did get to work too.

You sat in silence for an hour, writing your papers. For an hour, the only thing that broke the silence was Joel's soft murmurs. He watched you from time to time as you dealt with your writing, and a small smile appeared on his lips when he saw how focused you were.

It was starting to get dark outside, so a few warm lamps gave a nice atmosphere. You were staring at the last sentence you wrote when suddenly a cup of hot coffee appeared next to you. You looked away from the text and looked at your steaming drink.

“Thank you,” you said quietly and glanced up at Joel who was looking into your notebook. He carefully followed the text you had written. You remained silent, waiting for him to speak. Finally he nodded gently in approval.

“You're doing great,” he praised, making eye contact with you. You smiled gently and he responded in the same way. He straightened up, tapping your chin teasingly and winking. "Write," he nodded and then left.

You swallowed hard, staring at his back as your heart beat so loudly that it drowned out everything around you. You blinked a few times in confusion and shifted nervously in your seat, returning your gaze to your notebook.

He had such a warm smile...

Another hour passed. Joel continued to stand by the bookcase arranging papers and books while you walked around reading your work to him.

“Repeat that last sentence,” he spoke, catching your eye for a moment. You stopped and looked at the text.

“Her gaze was empty and sunk into the depths of darkness,” you read and immediately looked at him, expecting disapproval. Joel was silent for a moment, wrinkling his nose and passing the papers between his fingers.

"Next."

“Like death slowly emerging, she stood up too. The black lady who heralded no tomorrow…”

“I like this one,” he said, cutting you off halfway through. You looked at him with a smile and continued reading.

Several minutes passed before you finished. You stood in the middle of the room with a grimace as you read the last few sentences in your head again.

“I don't think I like the ending,” you said hesitantly. Before long, you felt the professor's body behind you. His hand came to rest on your arm as he leaned over your shoulder. You immediately stopped breathing, feeling your skin begin to burn where he touched you. He focused on reading and you focused on the way his chest pressed against your back.

Damn…why did his touch send such pleasant warmth? Why was his closeness so pleasant that you were afraid to move lest it be interrupted?

“I don't see any problem,” he said, frowning. His voice so close to your ear sent shivers down your entire body. You swallowed, forcing yourself to say a few sentences.

Why did it take so much energy for you to speak?

“I'm reading this and it doesn't feel like it's over,” you explained and glanced sideways at him. “Do you see what I mean?” Joel caught your eye for a moment and then started reading the text again.

“I understand, but I still don't see the problem. You ended it in a simple way," he said, tracing the text with his finger.

“You know I don't like simplicity,” you muttered under your breath, earning him a sigh. The sound made your stomach tighten.

“Honey, listen…” he started and tightened his fingers on your arm. “I know you try like no other and always want everything to be perfect,” he said calmly, not wanting you to take it the wrong way. You looked at him and immediately locked eyes. “But sometimes simple is best option,” he finished, smiling softly. You stared into his eyes in silence and slowly swallowed when your gaze fell to his lips for a moment. You immediately looked away at your notes, feeling your breath shudder.

"I'm still not convinced"

“Of course you're not,” Joel sighed and snatched the notebook from you before walking away a few steps, starting to read again. You stood there, watching as he slowly started to spin in circles.

“I would give you 100% for this” he commented.

“I wouldn't give 100% for this,” you muttered under your breath, but not so quietly that he couldn't hear it. He looked at you, stopping.

“It's good that you're not me,” he replied with a gentle smile, which immediately made you feel a blush of shame on your cheeks. Joel went back to reading and you started mentally cursing yourself at your long tongue.

You started playing with your fingers behind your back and looked down at your shoes for a moment. Only the sound of pages turning caught your attention. Joel indifferently studied the remaining pages in your notebook, and then you felt a twinge of panic. You were about to open your mouth to speak when he interrupted you.

"I will give you a deadline for corrections," he continued, flipping through the pages until he finally stopped at one. "This is interesting," he commented under his breath, starting to read. You felt a cold sweat cover your body as you realized what could have caught his attention.

“Professor…” you spoke warningly. Joel silenced you with a wave of his hand. You fell silent, pursing lips tightly. You swallowed the lump in your throat, watching him closely. You watched for any signs of what he might be reading. And more importantly, how he reacted to what he read.

A soft smile appeared on his lips before he looked towards you. You looked like you had seen a ghost, what amuse him even more.

"You're even better at non-fiction than short stories," he commented, raising an eyebrow and closing notebook. You blinked a few times as if his words were completely lost on you. Only after a while you waking up from the stasis.

"Non-fiction?" you asked confused. You frowned, wondering if you had ever written something non-fiction, but nothing came to mind.

“I mean…” he started with a snort and slowly moved towards you. "I thought my eyes were just brown," he laughed softly. And that's when your heart stopped.

You felt every muscle in your body tense as you watched him in horror. He read... He read the fucking poetry about his eyes. You were screwed…

“Professor-” you started, wanting to explain yourself. Say anything that could get you out of this ridiculous situation.

“Joel,” he interrupted you.

You froze with your mouth parted and you could have sworn you heard your heart start beating again.

You stared at him when he stopped two steps in front of you. Joel seemed completely relaxed while you were having a nervous breakdown. Your silence only made his smile widen.

"Do not get me wrong. I really like it” He lifted the notebook, tapping the cover with his finger. You followed his every move carefully in silence. Really, you couldn't be in a worse position. “I'd love to read about other things, too,” he added with a smile and held out notebook towards you. You hesitantly raised your trembling hand and took your notebook, hugging it to your chest as if it would protect you from everything that was happening.

You blinked a few times, your eyes darting. As long as you don't look him in the eye. You nodded in agreement, feeling like nothing could come out of your mouth.

“Hey…” he started gently and grabbed your chin between his fingers, forcing you to look at him.

His hand… on your face… Oh god.

“Don't be ashamed of your poetry,” he said, gently stroking your skin with his thumb. You swallowed hard, feeling yourself start to shiver. You nodded almost invisibly. “Use your words,” he encouraged.

“Okay,” you whispered weakly, your breath shaky. One word cost you more effort than writing several pages of text.

"That's my good girl," he smiled wider, pleased.

His fingers slowly traced your cheek and he tucked a broken strand of hair behind your ear, following every move with eyes.

“So what can I read about in the future?” he asked as his fingers slowly moved down to your neck. You felt like you were burning alive. You were so damn hot that you started sweating. Your heart wasn’t slowing down and you could barely catch your breath.

Was this what dying was like?

“I-” you trailed off, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“Maybe hands?” he suggested, raising an eyebrow. His fingers slowly moved your hair behind your shoulder. “Hm? What do you think?" He asked, looking back into your eyes.

You felt like you were in some movie. You weren't even able to think straight when he touched you like that. You nodded in response.

“Words,” he reminded you.

“Yes, I'd like that.” Joel smiled warmly before removing his hand and sighing.

“Great,” he nodded and walked past you towards the door. You turned around, watching his every move. “I have time next week. You can come to my class and write your essay," he said on his way to the door.

You took a few steps after him but stopped when he did too. Joel turned towards you, his hand on the doorknob. He still had that warm smile on his face as he looked at you.

“Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere,” he said, raising an eyebrow when he noticed you had moved from your previous spot. His fingers slipped from the door knob and closed the door in one motion.

Then you realized what was about to happen.

You parted your lips, trying to catch your breath, but Joel was already in front of you again.

And this time, his lips were the reason you stopped breathing.

Soft and warm lips surrounded by rough stubble.

A mixture that made your knees weak in a second.

You sighed at the feeling of his lips pressed against yours, leading you in a slow dance. His hand on your cheek and the other wrapped around your waist. You sighed again as he pulled you closer. His tongue found yours and his fingers tangled in your hair. He kissed gently and tenderly. Exactly as you imagined. Exactly as you needed.

“Tell me,” he started, pulling away from your lips, breathing heavily. “Tell me that you want this.”

His breath mixed with yours. Your gaze was fixed on his lips and his on your eyes.

“Mhm,” you nodded because that was all you could do. But it was enough for him to crash his lips against yours again. You moaned at the intensity with which he started kissing you. Like he was thirsty.

Joel took the notebook from your hands and threw it on the table. His lips collided with yours over and over again. His arm wrapped tightly around your body. A scenario like one of your wet dreams.

“On your knees,” he whispered against your lips and loosened his grip. You took a moment to calm your breathing and licked his saliva from your swollen lips. You looked into his eyes, filled with warmth and desire. A look you would do anything for. Including falling to your knees in front of him.

You watched as his fingers slowly unbuckled his belt. And he just watched your sweet face. Your eyes reflected soft lights and your lips were slightly puffy. You looked like an angel.

He slowly unzipped his zipper and then your eyes met his. And you had to admit that this was the perspective from which you could look at him forever.

His hand disappeared into his boxers only to take out his semi-hard cock a moment later. You weren't able to take your eyes off his, causing a smirk to appear on his lips.

“Come on baby, you gotta help me out a little.”

His gentle words and warm smile immediately encouraged you to do whatever he asked you to do. You looked at his cock and slowly moved closer to place a kiss on the tip. That was enough for Joel to moan quietly with satisfaction. You licked the precum from his tip, immediately moisturizing all his length. Another moan escaped his lips as you took him into your mouth. His hand found its way into your hair as you slowly began to caress his cock with your mouth. With each movement of your tongue you felt him getting harder and harder. Until you finally started choking on him.

You pulled away for air and looked at him as he took off his glasses to wipe his face. He looked like he had run a marathon, but his eyes were full of you. He was breathing heavily as he decided to put his glasses on the table. And then you wrapped your mouth around his cock again.

“So pretty,” he moaned, stroking your head affectionately.

You felt his tip teasing your throat again so you pulled away, gasping for breath. His thumb was immediately on your lips, wiping away the saliva. You looked up at him like an innocent deer.

“Good, baby,” he praised you and tugged on your chin, forcing you to stand up. He immediately leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on your lips. You melted under his lips, making him smile.

His hands slid down your waist to your hips, pressing his fingers against your skin. A second later he was unbuttoning your jeans only for his hand to slip into your panties. You both moaned at the same time as his fingers traced your entrance. You grabbed onto his arms as your knees buckled beneath you. His arm wrapped around your waist as he felt your reaction.

“You're so wet,” he whispered against your lips. His eyes never left yours as he began to spread your juices over your clit. You shuddered, breathing heavily, and dug your nails harder into his skin. Then his fingers slowly slipped into your wet hole.

He watched in delight as your lips parted and your eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. The moan that left your throat as he slowly moved his fingers was like music to his ears. Every movement of his fingers echoed throughout your body. Like you were getting drunker with each thrust.

Joel couldn't help himself and started drinking your moans like the best wine. For the first time, it didn't take much to feel your orgasm building between your legs. He groaned into your mouth, feeling you slowly tighten around his finger.

"Already?" he asked with a smile.

“Please,” you moaned sweetly and he smiled wider. He stole a gentle kiss from you.

“Of course,” he whispered, pleased with how intensely you responded to his touch. He was flattered.

You closed your eyes as your body began to chase your orgasm. Then his fingers flexed slightly and you felt stars all over your body. You moaned as you came on his fingers. Joel didn't stop until he saw the beautiful post-orgasmic bliss on your face.

When you finally opened your eyes, you immediately saw him licking his fingers clean of your juices. And honestly, it was the sexiest sight of your life. You swallowed, wanting to moisten your dry throat.

“Turn around,” he ordered, continuing to lick his fingers. You followed his instructions without hesitation.

You felt his large, warm hands on your hips and your heart beat faster in your chest with excitement. His hand pushed your back gently, causing you to lie down on the table. His lips kissed your shoulder a few times before he straightened up, looking down at you.

And he would be lying if he said that this sight had never crossed his mind.

In a second your jeans were sliding down your thighs. You heard his soft laugh when he noticed your panties.

"You're really sweet," he commented, running his fingers over the white panties with colorful strawberries. A blush burned your face, but you smiled to yourself anyway.

A few seconds later, your panties also stopped at your thighs. Joel crouched down and spread your thighs so he could look at your wet pussy. A soft growl left his throat, making you tense as another drop of your previous orgasm left your entrance.

“I could eat you all night long,” he said, his voice laced with desire and your stomach twisted into knots. His words echoed against your pussy, making your knees tremble. “Another time, sweetheart,” with that he stood up and spread the wetness between your legs with his fingers. You moaned at the feeling and closed your eyes, snuggling into the table. He leaned over you and ran his nose over your ear. You shuddered. "Because there will be another time, hm?" he whispered, sending shivers down your entire body.

He slowly positioned his cock perfectly at your entrance and ran the tip along the length of your pussy to wet it. You started panting as you felt him ready to enter you.

“Yes, please,” you moaned. Joel laughed softly and then slowly entered you until the end. You both moaned as he stopped his hips against yours.

And then reality hit him. He straightened up, looking at the place where you were connected.

"Shit, baby, I didn't put a condom," he cursed due to his stupidity. You immediately glanced at him over your shoulder, seeing that he was surprised by his own carelessness.

“I'm taking the pills,” you replied quickly, not wanting him to interrupt. You felt him so damn good…

“Are you sure?” he asked, a bit worried about whether you wanted him to continue.

“I am,” you nodded. You looked at each other for a moment and then Joel leaned down to capture your lips in a slow kiss. His hips slowly came back to life, thrusting into you slowly and intensely. His cock stimulated every wall of your pussy perfectly. You moaned into his mouth, feeling him in every part of your body. As if his cock was made just for you.

His fingers dug hard into your hips as he slowly buried himself inside you. It quickly drove you crazy. You couldn't even kiss him back so you fell on the table, choking heavily.

Joel rested his forehead on your shoulder as he entered you again and again. Taking his time, enjoying you. He loved the way you tightened around his cock every time he entered you all the way.

His moans disappeared in your skin and his cock in your pussy, creating a deadly mixture that quickly brought you to the brink of breaking. You cried as you felt his slow movements drive you to sweet madness. You wanted to beg him to speed up, to do anything to speed up your fulfillment. But Joel knew very well what he was doing. Your needy moans only confirmed to him how good he was doing you.

“You're doing great, sweetie” he breathed against your ear as you cried his name once again. His movements were like slow torture. Perfect to bring you to the edge of pleasure and too slow to end it.

But then he changed the movement of his hips, pushing himself even deeper into you. You choked on air as he growled, holding you even tighter. You didn't need much now.

“Can you cum on my cock?” he asked, panting with thirst.

“Mhm,” you nodded, pressing your lips together to keep from squealing. Joel let out a satisfied groan and started placing kisses on your shoulder. You closed your eyes, moaning with desire.

“You're fucking perfect, baby,” he moaned, stroking and squeezing your hip and thigh. He was insanely hungry for you. Like an animal. Like a worshipper.

One last push of his hips and his name fell from your lips like a prayer as you came. Joel groaned as he felt you tighten on his cock. He stopped, enjoying the feeling, feeling that his orgasm was fast approaching. He then started thrusting into you again, at a slightly faster speed. This only prolonged your pleasure to the limit.

“Cum inside you?” he asked, his fingers tightening on your hip.

“Yes, Mr. Miller,” you moaned. Joel growled, grabbing your neck and pulling you to his chest. His lips crushed yours in a hungry kiss in a second. A few moves inside you and his moan disappeared into your mouth. His cock twitched inside you, filling you fully with his orgasm.

You both panted into each other's mouths as he gave you sweet gentle kisses. Eventually his breathing calmed down and he pulled away so he could look at you with a blissful smile. He ran his gentle fingers along your cheek and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I'll make time for you tomorrow. The sooner you write your essay, the sooner I can enjoy you, deal?" he suggested.

You smiled softly and nodded, “Deal.”

[leilakisakabiri]

request: Hi can you do where the reader is wearing Gavis hoodie and she accidentally stains it and starts freaking out. Thank uuu and i love ur writing

I Got You (Gavi)

Summary: You need Gavi to come help you after you get yourself into a bad situation.

Warning(s): None

A/N: Thank you so much for the request and for your support! Requests are open. Currently working on The Promises We Keep Pt 2. Also, guys if I haven't done your request yet, don't worry, it probably means it's gonna be a long one.

Word Count: 3.1k+

Masterlist

It was a Saturday night in Barcelona, and you were holed up in your room, feet tucked under you, a knitted blanket over your shoulders as you read over the words in front of you for the hundredth time.

While the city was alight with people getting drinks, dancing, and laughing, you silenced your phone, closed your blinds, and put your headphones on to quiet any outside noises. 

You had decided to stay in this weekend, caught up in writing an essay for your criminal law class that was worth 50% of your grade. Safe to say you did not take it lightly. You had been hunched over your computer for the last nine hours, brain numb and fingers aching as you had tried to come up with a thesis and strong argument for your essay. You had blocked out this weekend to finish the essay, letting everyone know ahead of time not to contact you unless it was an emergency, including Gavi. 

Gavi had been gone for the last couple of days, traveling around Europe for the last leg of La Liga, and he had been adamant about spending as much time with you as he could once he got back - before his summer schedule kicked off. However, that hope was quickly cut short when you informed him you most likely wouldn’t be able to see him at all this weekend due to you being stuck finishing your essay. 

Although he had tried to convince you to change your mind, bribing you with the idea of endless cuddles and then promising to be as silent as possible while you wrote when his first idea didn’t work, you relented, knowing that having him around would be a major distraction, one that you couldn’t afford. 

“I’m sorry Pablo I don’t think I can this weekend. What about Monday?” You asked hopefully. 

He sighed over the phone, his face pulling into a frown, “I can’t. We’re leaving Monday morning for France.”

You bit on your lip, feeling bad, “I’m sorry I just really need to focus this weekend.” 

He nodded, “I get it. It just sucks. I wanted to see you at least once before I’m gone again. But it’s fine – I’ll survive.” He replied dramatically. 

You grinned, “Well I’ll miss you Pablito.” 

“I already miss you.” 

The smile on your face only grew as your heart warmed at his words, “I’ll text you if anything changes. Have a great game, I’ll be watching.” 

He gave you a wink, “Damn gotta show off now that my girls watching.” 

You giggled at him, “Bye Pablo.” 

He mocked your tone playfully, “Bye Y/n.” 

That was last week, and now you were nose deep in your essay, textbooks scattered around you as you looked for possible quotes to strengthen your thesis. You had been so busy scanning the words on the page that you hadn’t noticed your phone buzzing non-stop next to you. 

Once you saw the glow of your phone screen curiosity got the better of you and you flipped it around seeing you had eight missed calls from your best friend. 

Your eyebrows knitted in confusion, it was almost two in the morning, she would for sure be at a club right now, happily dancing the night away with your friends, so why was she consistently calling you? 

The phone buzzed once again and this time you were quick to answer. 

“Hello, Gia, what’s going on?” 

Her voice was slurred on the other end, but you could sense the panic regardless, “Y/n? I don’t know where I am, I was with the others but then I went to the bathroom, and I then couldn’t find anyone anymore. And this guy won’t leave me alone-”

“Gia, where are you? I’ll come get you.” You cut off her rambling, already rushing to put on your shoes, essay long forgotten. 

She hiccupped, “I’m at Macarena. I’m sorry no one else answered.” 

“No, no problem at all. I’m coming right now, Gia. Don’t move. I’m glad you called.” You comforted her. 

The club was only a twenty-minute walk from your house, and seeing as you didn’t have a car or the time to wait for public transport, it was your best option. 

You cursed yourself for not answering sooner as you rushed to get your keys, grabbing a random hoodie on the way out. 

Although summer was beginning to creep into Barcelona, the nights were still chilly with cold winds rushing through the area. 

You sped through the streets, walking with purpose as you finally reached the club. You were severely underdressed for the club wearing a random hoodie and yoga pants. You saw the line for the club was still extremely long, wrapping around the corner and you knew you had no time to waste. 

You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself, you were never one to break any rules or ask for any special favors, but now seemed like a good time to start. 

You walked up to the club bouncer, ignoring the nasty look the guy at the front of the queue was sending you, “Excuse me. I need to get in right away, my friend is inside alone, and I need to help her.” 

You heard the guy next to you scoff. 

The bouncer looked at you unimpressed. “Sorry sweetheart. You want to get to her, you have to wait in line.” 

You relented, “Sir please, just look at my outfit,” you said gesturing to yourself, “clearly, I’m not here to party, I just need to get my friend and leave. You can even come with me!” 

He gave you an apprehensive look, taking in your appearance, “I can’t leave my post.” 

You groaned, “Fine, then can someone else escort me? I can literally call her right now. She’s not in the right head space.” 

He squinted his eyes at you, “You look familiar.” 

It finally clicked. This is where you had gone with Gavi and his team, celebrating after they had won a final a few weeks ago. They had treated you like royalty, blocking off a whole section just for you, the club owner even making an appearance to congratulate the team.

You didn’t like to use the fact that you were dating a well-known athlete as a way to get special privileges but if it meant helping your friend then you would do it. 

“Yeah, I was in VIP a few weeks ago. I know the owner, so please let me in.”

“What’s his name?” 

You racked your brain trying to think of that night, “Santiago. It was Santiago!” You replied, finally remembering. 

The bouncer gave you a once over before he finally nodded begrudgingly, “Fine – but be quick.” 

You heard the other people in line begin to argue but you quickly thanked the bouncer, rushing inside, not wanting to wait long enough for him to change his mind. 

God bless Gavi.

The place was packed, bodies pressed together so closely that you had to squeeze in between heavily making out couples and groups of friends to make your way to the middle. The strobe lights were going crazy, changing every few seconds to the beat of the music. There was a DJ booth twenty feet above the crowd playing EDM Spanish music and the crowd was going insane, chanting along. 

You hit your head on your forehead as you realized you forgot to ask her where she was. 

You pulled out your phone, letting out a breath of relief when she answered, “I’m here Gia. Where are you?” 

“I’m at- I said no, stop, I’m at the bar.” She huffed. You felt your anxiety rise, who was she talking to? 

“Ok, I’m coming.” 

You pushed through the throngs of people, finally spotting the bar, seeing her leaning against the counter, hands flying as she argued with someone. 

You walked towards them hearing the tail end of their conversation, a bad feeling in your stomach.

“Gia!” You yelled, coming to stand next to her. 

She gave you a relieved look, falling into you, the effort of standing up being too much. 

You caught her, hugging her back. 

“Oh wow – two for one. I got a buddy that would love you.” 

You steadied Gia looking up to see the guy she was talking with giving you a smirk. 

You held his gaze, annoyed, “No thanks. We’re leaving now.” 

You went to turn but he caught your wrist pulling you back, the drink in his hand sloshing,

“Woah, don’t go yet, the fun’s just getting started. Look my buddies are in VIP we can hook you up.” 

You yanked your hand away, giving him a disgusted look, “First don’t touch me. Second, we’re leaving.” 

“You’re not leaving.” He persisted. 

You raised an eyebrow, “Fucking watch me.” 

He reached for you again, but you were prepared, grabbing his hand, and flinging it off you, as you weaved into the crowd, ignoring his shouts. 

You let out a breath as you stepped outside of the club, grateful for the cold air after sweating through your hoodie in the packed club. 

You adjusted your hold on Gia, holding her waist as you started the trek back to your apartment. 

She stumbled over her steps as you walked, giggling, “Oh my god Y/n your bleeding!” 

You gave her a confused look, dragging her, “What?” 

She giggled again, reaching for your hoodie, “It’s coming from your stomach, look it’s red!” She pointed at your shirt. 

You looked down and you stopped in your tracks, breath hitching as you began to panic, “Oh shit Gia I’m wearing Gavi’s hoodie!” 

She stopped as well, letting go of you as she plopped onto the ground, staring up at you,

“So?” 

“So? He’s going to be so mad at me. That dick spilled his drink on me. This is a white hoodie – who knows if it will come out?” You stressed.

“It’s-" she hiccupped, “fine.” 

You shook your head, “No It’s not it’s his favorite hoodie, I didn’t even realize I was wearing it. Fuck, I have to clean as soon as we get home.” 

You started walking before you realized she wasn’t following you. 

“Gia?” 

You turned around to see her slumped against the sidewalk, eyes closed. 

You rushed to her side, shaking her, “Gia? Gia, are you okay?” 

She hummed, “I don’t feel so good.” 

“Can you walk? We’re almost halfway there.” You asked, helping her sit up so she was leaning against you. 

She groaned, “I’m going to throw up.” 

You looked around anxiously, unsure of what to do. You had left the main strip of clubs and restaurants, and were now on a back road, walking in an area that was dimly lit and that you weren’t too familiar with. 

“I can call an Uber.” 

You reached into your pocket, cursing yourself as you realized you had forgotten your wallet in the rush to get to the club. 

“Shit, I don’t have my wallet. Do you have yours?” 

“Antonio.” She groaned, leaning her head against your shoulder. 

You let out a huff, contemplating what to do. You attempted to get her to stand up once again, desperate to get out of the area, but she couldn’t stand, and you weren’t strong enough to carry her the rest of the way. You chewed on your lip debating a solution, but you didn’t want to do it unless it was the absolute, last, last resort. 

You spent the next five minutes calling all your friends, but no one answered. You groaned, frustrated, knowing you had run out of options. 

You heard your friend beginning to doze off and you shook her, “Gia stay awake.” 

She moaned, “Y/n I really don’t feel good. I don’t know what’s wrong.” 

Your finger hovered over the contact, and you finally pressed it, feeling the guilt build inside. 

It rang seven times before going to voicemail. You called back. 

On the third ring, the line finally connected, 

“Y/n? Why are you calling me so late?” Gavi’s voice was thick with sleep, his words murmured. 

Hearing his voice sent a pang of relief through you, and suddenly you didn’t feel so alone,

“Gavi I’m sorry. I really need your help.” 

He was up in an instant, wide awake, “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m stuck in the middle of the road with Gia. She got drunk and I went to get her but now I’m worried there’s something wrong. She can’t get up and we’re all alone. I don’t have any money. I called our friends, but no one answered, I-I didn’t know what to do.” You rushed out. 

You heard his breath accelerate on the other end of the line, “Ok don’t worry baby I’m coming. Send me your address, everything’s going to be okay. Just stay on the phone with me.” He reassured you. 

You nodded before realizing he couldn’t see you, “Thank you so much Gavi.”

You heard his car door open, “Anytime. If anything happens like this again you call me first, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

You stayed on the phone with him, rubbing Gia’s shoulder to comfort her, readjusting her whenever she began to doze off. 

Finally, you saw a familiar car pull onto the street, and you waved your hands, trying to get him to see you. 

The car made a quick turn and then Gavi was rushing out, a worried look on his face, 

“Oh thank god you’re okay. I was so worried.” 

“I’m so sorry for waking you. Thank you for coming.” 

“Y/n stop apologizing.” He said, helping you carry Gia to the car. 

Upon feeling that she was being lifted, her eyes shot open, “Y/n what’s going on?”

She glanced over to her left seeing Gavi before she turned to look at you, it took two seconds for her eyes to widen and then she was whipping her head back, “Gavi? The hell y-you doing here?” 

You giggled at her abruptness, “I had to call for help.” 

She turned to you, snuggling into your shoulder affectionately, “You’re the best Y/n. She was a rockstar today.” She spoke, as you both pushed her into the car. 

Gavi raised his eyebrow at you as you both got in, “A rockstar eh?” 

You rolled your eyes, “She’s just spewing nonsense.” 

Gia groaned in the back, hands clumsily coming to slap your shoulder, “Ehh don’t lie Y/n. You should have seen the way she talked to those guys – even I was scared.” 

You saw Gavi’s grip on the steering wheel tighten, his posture stiffened as he looked over at you,

“Guys? What guys?” 

You opened your mouth to reply but Gia beat you to it. 

“This one guy, he kept trying to get me to come with him, but then Y/n was like no way we’re leaving, and then he started hitting on her, but then he tried to grab her, and she karate chopped his hand! He was so embarrassed!” 

You felt yourself blushing at her recollection of events, “I did not karate chop his hand!” 

“Yes, you did. It was like in midair when he was talking about his friend that liked you, and then I blinked, and it was gone!”

“Did he try anything?” Gavi’s voice was hard, as he looked at you.

You shook your head, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “No don’t worry. We were fine.” 

You felt his body relax under your touch, and one of his hands came to grip your own, “You should have called me sooner. I’m sorry you had to deal with that asshole.” 

You felt your heart flutter at his words, “Don’t worry I handled it. But thank you, next time I will.” 

Soon you were pulling up to your apartment and hauling Gia up your steps. 

“I really wish we had an elevator right now.” Gia groaned as she was being half pulled, half carried up the steps. 

You made eye contact with Gavi after hearing her statement, and you had to bite your cheek not to laugh out loud, 

“You and me both G.”

Finally, you reached your apartment, and all let out a sigh of relief as she fell onto your bed, passing out almost immediately. 

You cringed as you saw her head land centimeters away from the sharp edge of one of your textbooks. 

You reached over, clearing the space so she was able to sleep without the risk of a concussion. 

You looked up once the area was cleaned to see Gavi looking at you intently, a weird expression on his face almost like he was stuck in his thoughts. 

“What? Is everything okay?” You asked unsure, looking down at yourself. 

That’s when you realized. 

You were still wearing his hoodie, the one that had a massive red stain on it now thanks to the jackass at the club. 

You had completely forgotten about it. 

You quickly apologized, “Gavi I’m so sorry. Gia called and I was so worried so I grabbed the first thing I could find – and then the guy kept grabbing me and had this drink – anyways,” you let out a huff, “I’m really really sorry, I can buy you a new one.” 

Gavi stared at you in surprise, shocked by your outburst, “Y/n relax. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry I know how much you love this sweatshirt.” 

Gavi shook his head slightly smiling, you were just so adorable, and he physically couldn’t hold back the words he’d been dying to say any longer, “I love you more though, so it’s fine.” 

“Wha-what?” You stumbled over your words, clearly not expecting such a big revelation.

“I said I love you.” He said it with so much confidence, almost like he was reciting a fact, something that couldn’t be changed, and you melted a little at how sure he sounded. 

You didn’t know what to say, your brain still playing those three words on a loop. He loved you. He had said it first. 

The silence stretched on and now it was his turn to get nervous, “Is that okay?”

Your mouth was still open in shock, but you quickly recovered, 

“Yo-you love me?” Your voice cracked. 

“Well, yeah… why would I not?” He asked, eyes locked on yours.

You shook your head, a smile gracing your features as you took a step closer to him, “I love you too, and I’m sorry-”

He cut you off with a sweet kiss, pulling you closer into him, as he slid his hands under the sweatshirt, fingers gently squeezing the soft flesh of your hips. 

Your lips moved in sync and your hands went to play with his hair, gently tugging. 

You heard him let out a groan and you bit his bottom lip instinctively. 

He pulled away out of breath, a dazed look in his eyes, “Joder, you can ruin all my hoodies if this is how you apologize.” He muttered breathlessly. 

You rolled your eyes, smiling as he brought you back into him for another kiss. 

[onetwofeb]

Earlier this year, the visionary poetry critic Helen Vendler died at the age of ninety. After her death, the writer and psychoanalyst Christopher Bollas—author of The Shadow of the Object, Cracking Up, and Meaning and Melancholia, among many others—collected a correspondence between himself and Vendler that unfolded over email during the last two years of her life, which began as Vendler was clearing out her office at Harvard in 2022. These emails, which have been selected and edited by the Review (with spelling and punctuation left unchanged), touch on the relationship between psychoanalysis and poetry; the experience of aging in all its forms; and the growth of a friendship, and understanding, between Bollas and Vendler.

Vendler to Bollas ... It made me genuinely happy to see the parallels in lifting what may seem (but is not) accidental into visibility. The unknown known is a wonderful way of putting it. I think that the poets may be able to know more of the unknown known than the analysand, since the composition of poetry is a way to elicit it in symbolic form. And your explanation of the multiplicity of things to be inferred from words, gestures, emotions—and the tendency of those things to arrange themselves like iron filings to a magnet (as Donne says—“And Thou like adamant draw my iron heart”—) has its strict analogue in the way in which, after one immerses oneself (ideally) in everything an author wrote, those magnetic forms arise in my mind as “explanations” of stylistic gestures in a poem. One can’t command them; they have to rise as the result of a long process. The frustration of not being able to understand something by will alone makes me remember a summer in which I was working very hard to understand Stevens’s long poems. I would teach summer school all morning, return and be with my son from noon till 7 (when he would fall asleep), and then going to my library office after the arrival of the babysitter, and work till late. It was a taxing schedule, but usually I could make progress. One night I was so despairing of figuring out 3 lines in Stevens’s last long poem that I burst into tears; then I suddenly heard a young voice behind me at my open office door in the deserted Smith library saying “Oh Mrs. Vendler, I’m just taking my sister—” and then broke off in an apology, seeing the tears running down my cheeks. I imagined she thought she was interrupting some tragic experience, and I didn’t want her to think that, so I said unthinkingly, “I’m all right, I was upset because I just couldn’t understand a passage in Wallace Stevens.” She probably thought anyone who wept for that reason was very peculiar. But in reading your passages in various essays where you say, “I was pondering X” or “I was piecing together,” or some other phrase intimating how much thinking you have to do to glean the visible off the impalpable in the analytic process, I felt that your thinking resembles mine—though for different reasons and for different results. And the “evidence” is often so “accidental”: I remember thinking about how Stevens used the definite and indefinite articles, and being frustrated because they were not included in the (predigital) Concordance. [...]

[carmillas-girlfriend]

🍲

Thank you so much for playing my silly little ask game!

So lol I already wrote a fucking essay for this ask and then accidentally deleted it. 🙃 Life is so fun and full of surprises.

Anyway, about her character in general: Zheng is fucking formidable. She's an incredibly skilled pirate, tactician, she's a manipulator, and she knows how to get what she wants/needs. She can absolutely hold her own and she doesn't need fucking ANYBODY. All of this and she is incredibly, incredibly skilled with a sword. It also takes a really creatively intelligent person for her choice of weaponry against a pirate captain to be a rolling cart with "Champers" and a charcuterie board.

I really wish we could have had more of her storyline in s2 and I'm absolutely most saddened regarding cancelation is that we won't get more Zheng in s3. Because s3 was supposed to be the fucking Ed and Stede and Zheng Show! (I know this because David told me last night, we were smoking pot together.)

Regarding her relationships: I already wrote about this on my Olu post but tl;dr- I agree with someone else who had pointed out that there was more telling than showing about their (Olu/Zheng) relationship. :(. I really feel like they had so much potential though!

In my headcanon, Olu/Zheng/Jim/Archie are a closed quad and they are all dating each other. I really wish we could have seen this quad more in s2 and definitely wish we had s3 for that as well. Please send me Olu/Zheng/Archie/Jim fics!!! I need them!

Here's a Twitter meme:

[grandtheftaristotle]

The Hidden Narrative of Midnights

Heyyyyyyy

So in honour of the TS11 announcement (!!!!!) and Midnights winning AOTY (!!!!!!!!) I'm posting this essay I accidentally wrote months ago after relistening to You're Losing Me and finally figuring out how Midnights works as an album

I was SUPER thrown by this album when it first came out and how different it was from the way it was marketed, but after Joever and YLM I think I get it now.

So, below the cut, here's how I make sense of Midnights, the order of the songs, and how it was presented to us.

Enjoy, and I'm sorry.

Okay so I finally listened to You’re Losing Me again and now I’m thinking about it in the wider context of the album

Cause we agree that it kinda redefines the whole thing right? Reframes the album not just as her reminiscing on nights she was up late and for what reasons, but reminiscing specifically about memories that could help her decide whether to stay or move on. She described this love as being golden like daylight on Lover; it makes sense that nighttime is when she has to grapple with the notion of ending it.

So we start with Lavender Haze, which as a title track genuinely makes me insane when I think about the amount of parallels it has to You’re Losing Me. The way it reframes her SO’s quiet demeanour as something positive (“you don’t ever say too much / and you don’t really read into my melancholia”), rather than the nail in the coffin it ultimately was (“do something babe, say something / choose something babe, risk something”), the references to marriage and how inconsequential it is (“I wouldn’t marry me either”), “you don’t really read into my melancholia” vs “how can you say you love someone you can’t tell is dying”, “I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say” vs “a pathological people pleaser”. I could go on.

Next we go to Maroon, which has her thinking back on another breakup that had a significant emotional impact on her (“and I wake with your memory over me / that’s a real fucking legacy to leave”) (I’m also thinking about that in two different ways; their memory as a legacy they left behind [“a real fucking legacy to leave”] and leaving AS a legacy [“a real fucking legacy, to leave”] - the last one could tie into the central conflict). The way the song trails off at the end is kinda like her thoughts trailing off; she doesn’t really come to a conclusion about the whole thing, it’s just a memory. A real fucking legacy to leave, to leave.

Her next thought is “it’s me! Hi! I’m the problem! It’s me!” Anti Hero’s pretty self explanatory; she’s thinking that maybe she’s the problem here; overreacting about the whole thing, trying to get ahead of him leaving her, up late and stressed now that her depression’s taking over. I interpret ‘all the people I’ve ghosted stand there in the room’ as referring to the people in the memories she sings about; people she’s broken up with, old friends, even old versions of herself. Did she leave them, or did they leave her? Either way it was probably her fault, she decides.

From there she looks back on when she first fell for her partner; they both fell at the same time, and it was magical, like snow on the beach. Not only was it magical and beautiful, like it was destined to happen, but it shows they were both on the same page. So why can’t they be now?

You’re On Your Own, Kid. This might be one of her heaviest songs, with one of the most stark revelations - “like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss”. This whole time she was hoping that the right love, the right person, would save her and make her feel complete. She thought she found that person, but they haven’t made her feel complete, and now she’s thinking of ending it. Just like the person at the beginning of the song - “I wait patiently, he’s gonna notice me”. But they didn’t, and now her current partner doesn’t seem to either. “You’re on your own, kid / you always have been” - that line ends up being comforting. You’ve always been on your own, and you’ve made it here anyway. There’s no reason why you can’t still go far.

Speaking of going far, Midnight Rain kinda plays off the ideas set up in YOYOK in how it refers to a relationship from her youth; before she became famous. She talks about how “he wanted a bride, I was making my own name”; paralleling her reluctance to get married in Lavender Haze and the ultimate revelation that her current partner doesn’t seem to want it. This is kinda where we start to question if she really doesn’t want to get married, or if she’s trying to convince herself she doesn’t. Personally I think it’s a mix of both; around the time Lavender Haze takes place, she was perfectly content to be unmarried and just stay ‘in that lavender haze’, as it were. In the honeymoon phase. I also think that, whether she wanted it or not, the constant speculation was grating on her and made the topic unpleasant. That said, at some point she likely wanted to take things that extra step, but her SO was either very reluctant or very nonchalant about it, leading us here. She looks back on when someone did want to marry her (eventually), but she backed out on them to focus on her career. This might be a case of thinking ‘I chose my career over a relationship; am I simply doing it again?’

Question is similar to Maroon in that it’s looking back on a past relationship for some hint of what to do here. All the questions she wanted to ask her ex (or maybe did), some of which she wants to ask her current partner (“did you wish you put up more of a fight?”) Also thinking of “does it feel like everything’s just second best after that meteor strike”. Very “I promise that you’ll never find another like me” coded. Convincing herself that if the break up did happen, her partner would never find someone better. I will defend ME! with my dying breath.

Now for Vigilante Shit. This one is significantly harder to nail down than all the others; it feels a bit out of place within the narrative and more like a tease for Rep TV. That said I do want to touch on two things: “I don’t start shit but I can tell you how it ends” aka “I am a confident badass and I will ultimately do what is best for me” and “picture my thick as thieves with your ex wife”. Marriage themes once again, this time with a divorce. Interesting. 

With newfound confidence, she lets herself bejewelled. Once again, this is pretty self explanatory. She can still make the whole place shimmer, even if she doesn’t have a man. But that said, she still wants him in her life. “Familiarity breeds contempt / don’t put me in the basement when I want the penthouse of your heart”. This song isn’t just saying ‘I’m incredible’, it’s saying ‘I’m incredible and I want others to notice, especially this one person’.

(I will take this moment to acknowledge that, yes, Taylor has said this song is about her return to pop music rather than a relationship. However, since I’m looking at these songs through the specific lens of her making a decision about her relationship, I’m reinterpreting it. I realize that this wasn’t the original intention of the song, but I’m setting that aside for the sake of the narrative.)

These last several songs have clearly showed Taylor leaning more toward ‘break up’, with Bejewelled having more of a middle ground perspective. That song now acts as a bridge into the last four songs of the standard edition, which all have her thinking more about the positive aspects of the relationship, all the reasons she wants to save it. We start with Labyrinth, which details the anxiety she felt at the beginning of the relationship and how this person helped her through it (“you would break your back to make me break a smile”). All the effort they put in then, something they clearly aren’t doing now. Another notable line is “I’ll be getting over you my whole life” which connects to “you might just have dealt the final blow” in You’re Losing Me; she feels she may never recover from the potential break up.

Next up we have Karma, which has similar mixed messages to Bejewelled. On one hand, we have the assertion that karma is her boyfriend, a god, the breeze in her hair on the weekend, a relaxing thought, a cat purring in her lap cause it loves her, and she and karma vibe like that. It suggests that if she has karma, she doesn’t need anything else, because it does everything that others can’t. Karma will always be there for her and act in her favour because she always does the right thing, so no matter what decision she makes it will be on her side. But then in the bridge we have her saying “karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me”. A quick reminder that karma brought this person into her life, so perhaps they were the right thing all along. If her partner came along at just the right time and has been there for her since, then ending it might not be the right decision.

And now, Sweet Nothing. Ohhhhhhhh dear god Sweet Nothing. First of all, within the narrative. Throughout the album there has been talk of people wanting things from Taylor, be it career related or life related. “I have this dream my daughter in law kills me for the money” “all they keep asking me if if I’m gonna be your bride” “life is emotionally abusive” “I hosted parties and starved my body” (the entirety of YOYOK actually) “he wanted a bride, I was making my own name” “you know how much I hate that everyone expects me to bounce back just like that” and so on. But this song details a relationship where the person doesn’t necessarily want anything from her. It’s all nice and quiet and completely peaceful. And then you remember what she said earlier in Midnight Rain - “he wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain” and the themes in both YOYOK and Bejewelled about wanting to be noticed, and then when you hear You’re Losing Me you’re hit with “do something babe, say something”. And you realize ‘oh shit, maybe that quiet life isn’t entirely what she wants here’. And our hypothetical version of Taylor, who’s thinking about all this in the middle of the night while deciding whether or not to end the relationship, realizes ‘oh shit maybe that quiet life isn’t entirely what I want here’. But she doesn’t come to that conclusion til later, cause right now she’s just caught up in the thrill of being with someone who, for once, doesn’t want anything from her. Only later on will she discover that she might want him to want something from her. 

We finish off the standard edition with Mastermind, which has similar themes to Snow on the Beach, with these two people being on the exact same page at the start of their relationship. Taylor thought she was manipulating everything behind the scenes, because she’s always in control of the situation. And as far as the media’s concerned, she tricks men into dating her just so she can write songs about it later, so she might as well lean into that, right? Except, turns out her partner knew what she was doing the entire time and was totally fine with it. So not only can he read her like a book, but he wants the same thing she does. There’s no need to be concerned about their relationship, cause they’ve always been on the same page. Additionally, there’s a theme of control at play here that leads into the next song; she felt fully in control at the start of their relationship, since she thought she was masterminding the whole thing. But now, she’s losing that control.

Which leads us into Hits Different, the first bonus track. I was debating for a while whether I wanted this before or after the 3am tracks, but I think it fits best here, mainly because of how it aligns with Mastermind. While that song was about her being in control, this song is about her spiralling out of control. I heard someone say it sounds like the Blank Space girl fell in love for the first time and I CANNOT stop thinking about that because it’s SO accurate. Especially with the lines about “switching out these Kens” and “skipping town like an asshole outlaw”. Much like with Mastermind, it seems to lean more into that satirical ‘man-eater’ image she toyed with in Blank Space, in that it sounds like someone who has never had their heart broken before and is having a full blown CRISIS about it. And while that’s not the kind of person Taylor is, it does show just how much this is affecting her; that the prospect of this breakup is hitting her harder than any she’s previously had. 

Now onto the 3am tracks. The Great War is pretty self explanatory; same vibe as Snow on the Beach and Labyrinth of “we did it then, why can’t we do it now?” The one thing I will touch on is the lines at the end of the bridge - “that was the night I nearly lost you / I really thought I lost you”. Calls back to Maroon (“and I lost you”), and parallels You’re Losing Me. She was able to step back and examine the situation and realize she was losing him, but he’s unable to do the same while he’s losing her.

Bigger Than The Whole Sky as a song has a couple of popular interpretations; one that it’s about a miscarriage, and one that’s it’s about the loss of who Taylor was before JM. I’m partial to the first reading, but the second one works best with this narrative (and was more likely Taylor’s intent in my opinion). The idea that this relationship fucked her up so bad that she’s actively mourning who she was before it is honestly devastating, and it makes sense that she would worry about the same thing happening if she leaves her current partner, since they’ve been together for so long. It’s possible that this song is also mourning the life she will never have with him if they ultimately break up, which I could go further with but I think it’s best if I leave it there. 

Paris is another song that becomes a lot sadder when you view it from this angle. Specifically, the line “I want to brainwash you into loving me forever”; when you consider just how much she wants for the relationship to work and the degree to which she’s trying to convince herself it’ll be okay, the desperation in this line becomes exceedingly obvious. I also really love how it just trails off at the end. Given how energetic most of this song is, a traditional pop ‘quiet chorus LOUD CHORUS’ ending would make the most sense. And we do get that quiet chorus, but no loud one to follow it up. The way she carefully improvs and repeats the lines at the end makes it sound like she’s biding time waiting for the music to jump back in again, but it never does. She’s waiting for that spark of magic to return, but it doesn’t. Instead the mid tempo vibe continues into…

High Infidelity! Finally after all these years we get some answers about the Calcium situation! With the end of Paris, it’s like she was actively trying to avoid revisiting this memory, but it came back all the same. And if I can be real for a second here, this is, in my opinion, one of the best songs she’s ever written. But anyway, this song tells us about the last time she was in a relationship headed for marriage, but in this case she very much did not want it to happen. She also explains how she cheated on her partner, either literally or emotionally, and how this new person ‘brought her back to life’. This song does two things; it describes a relationship where leaving was the best option because her partner didn’t take the time to notice or know her (“I’d pay if you’d just know me” is VERY You’re Losing Me coded), and explains how another person made her feel special and alive again while she was being stifled. If we assume her current partner was ‘the other person’, then this song also holds the mixed messages of Bejewelled and Karma. He brought her out of this stifling relationship; there’s no way he brought her into another one. He knew what that was like for her, he’d never act that way even accidentally, right?

It’s official: there’s been a glitch. This song is fascinating to me because a glitch is typically a negative thing, but here it’s being framed as a positive. Very ‘I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this’ coded. But at the same time, some glitches only exist for a short time before getting resolved, like a blip. So this song can be viewed in a few ways; their relationship started because of a glitch, their current problems are because of a glitch (the way he’s acting now conflicting with how their relationship started), or their relationship IS the glitch, and it’s slowly getting resolved, meaning it will be ending soon. While the first one is definitively what the song is about, the last two could show the headspace she’s in while looking back on it. That’s what I mean with all the songs really; what they’re about doesn’t change, but by examining their order we can eke out a thought process that caused her to look back on these memories.

And now we get to Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve. Easily one of the most harrowing songs in Taylor’s discography, with its anger, desperation, and overwhelming aura of regret. Oddly enough, I have a hard time placing this relative to the other songs; I feel like it’s where my ‘thought process’ theory gets a little shaky. Unlike the other songs, where I could work certain parts into the current situation, it’s very hard to do that with this song because I feel like it almost downplays what it’s really about. The closest I came to this issue previously was with Bigger Than The Whole Sky; because I hear that song and think of a miscarriage, it was hard to separate it from that interpretation in my mind. But I’d argue it’s more difficult with WCS, because we know definitively what it’s about, while we don’t know for sure what BTTWS is about. These two songs are already connected; the alternative theory for BTTWS is that it’s her saying goodbye to the person she was before the relationship. But even then, it’s still a theory. 

My only real idea for how WCS connects to the timeline is that it’s her thinking back on a relationship that fundamentally changed her. The things she says in the song makes it clear that this relationship has haunted her for years after it happened, and that maybe it affects her perception of love now. It’s a memory she felt she had to go back to in order to make a decision about her current one, but she doesn’t come away with any real conclusions about it, except for the fact that it still bothers her to this day. Unlike her current one, she didn’t get anything good out of that relationship, nothing that makes her glad she went through it. I’m thinking about an interview she gave during the 1989 era, about how she came to realize that just because a relationship wasn’t built to last doesn’t mean it wasn’t special while it was there. It’s something I think she’s come to embrace in recent years and songs; the idea that you can appreciate the good times you had with a person even if it didn’t end well. But in WCS, there’s none of that. There was nothing good, no good memories, nothing salvageable in that relationship. Just a wound that won’t close, lost girlhood, stained glass windows in her mind.

…well that was a bit of a ramble.

So we’ll assume that WCS is her looking back on a relationship that deeply affected her, and that it’s more a byproduct of looking back on all these memories. She was bound to end up there eventually the deeper she went into her thought process; at the very bottom, she found the cathedral where it all went wrong.

And now, the last track before our grand finale. Dear Reader.

You know, I try really hard to not read too far into Taylor’s songs. Especially since folkmore, I do my best not to assume everything she writes matches up exactly with what’s going on in her life. But man, the first time I heard Dear Reader, I got this sinking feeling that everything with Joe wasn’t what it seemed.

Just that bridge. It breaks my heart a little every time I hear it, and it really drives home the point that we truly never really know what’s going on in her life. “You wouldn’t take my word for it if you knew who was talking / if you knew where I was walking / to a house not a home all alone cause nobody’s there”. Listening to all the love songs on this album, we never would’ve known something was wrong. She’s built a career off of being so open about her life in her music, but there are some things she’s just not ready to share She seems to think no one would listen to her thoughts on love if we knew her relationship was on the rocks. “You should find another guiding light / but I shine so bright”. Despite all this, she’ll never stop writing music and sharing certain parts of her life with us. Not her whole life, but what she’s ready for us to hear.

That’s why You’re Losing Me didn’t come out right away. She wasn’t ready for us to hear it in 2022, but she was in 2023, after the news broke. I find it interesting how Dear Reader is kinda saying ‘you don’t really know my life and you don’t know everything I’m going through’ and You’re Losing Me follows it up by showing us why. 

You’re Losing Me parallels nearly every song on Midnights. Some of them are admittedly stretches, and I don’t have time to list them all here, but here are some examples:

“You say I don’t understand and I say I know you don’t” / “Saw the wide smirk on your face, you knew the entire time”

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix, always rising from the ashes” / “Ask me why so many fade but I’m still here”

“Stop, you’re losing me” / “Oh no, I’m falling in love”

“How can you say you love someone you can’t tell has died?” / “There’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough”

“All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier” / “Soldier down on that icy ground looked up at me with honour and truth”

“I’m the best thing at this party” / “When I walk in the room I can still make the whole place shimmer”

“A pathological people pleaser” / “Argumentative antithetical dream girl”

“Who only wanted you to see her” / “I wait patiently, he’s gonna notice me”

“Do something babe, say something” / “I find myself running home to your sweet nothing”

“Lose something babe, risk something” / “He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain”

“I can’t find a pulse, my heart won’t start anymore.” It’s the culmination of the whole night. The moment she looks at the clock and sees it’s 7am. Time to face the reality and make the decision she’s been building to all this time.

I feel kinda bad making this analysis, because it feels like I’m trying to make the album sad so I’ll care about it more. But the fact is that this becomes a stronger body of work (at least for me) with this throughline. It makes the boppier songs make more sense for an album that’s supposed to be so melancholic. I was so confused when I heard songs like Bejewelled and Karma for the first time cause the way she presented the album to us made it sound a LOT darker than some of these songs. But when you look at it like this, that she’s grappling with such a big decision and that’s her reason for revisiting these more upbeat memories, it all starts to come together, and the darker presentation makes more sense.

Not all these songs need to be sad. Taylor isn’t always sad. Her music doesn’t need to be sad for me to like it. It’s just the vibes of the album compared to the sound that threw me off. But when I view it through this lens, I kinda get it now. Midnights is still at the bottom of my album ranking; probably will be for a while. But I have a greater appreciation for it after puzzling out this narrative.

[jade-of-mourning]

hiii so uh I just found ur account but I see you post a decent amount of mako stuff,,,

are you planning on putting any of that on ao3 (finished fics or blurb ideas turned into fics) or is it solely tumblr? and would you possibly mind some short stuff based on some of your posts? idk he’s js my newest hyperfixation and your acc is so coolll :3

-🐌

HI ANON!!!! mako has been in my brain so much for the past few months; i just restrain myself from posting seven times a day and instead, i aggressively brainrot in my discord server with a single person in it. (it's me — i'm the single person)

i've been juggling a couple fics for ao3 on him lately (account, mostly atla writing), though tragically i've been at a bit of a writing block. it's probably from overthinking story structures, but trust that i'll get at least a couple of them out eventually haha. the main one is a post-canon fic called rose beds and gasoline veins at 11.9k as of now, followed by a silly 10-chapter 14-year-old-avatar!mako au called snowglobes don't shake on their own which i've spent some time casually outlining (featuring jinora and asami!). there's a post i spontaneously conjured up that would roughly act as half of the first chapter. i'll post the summary if you're curious lol

i've also got a couple random/short oneshots that i spontaneously wrote and completed, before promptly forgetting that i can post them, so… maybe i'll do that soon. one of them is a slightly different take on mako & bolin's family in ba sing se, on some of their cultural differences and traumas through hot pot (which i might expand into a longer oneshot on ao3 after i finish rose beds). the other one was initially a joke about him (who i like to hc as aro lol) accidentally being a really big fan of sex. it's very vague but it turned out kind of angsty in exploring how mako deliberately gives up control in an attempt to frame himself as his mother rather than the man who killed her (coping fr); it's not really up my usual alley, but i might post it somewhere sometime idk. i didn't ever really flesh it out in my head but i have some inklings for a mako & kai oneshot on forgiving yourself as a kid, a mako & lin beifong oneshot on his recruitment featuring better characterization than that spontaneous shitpost i made, and a half-written expansion of jobs in an actually comprehensible story-ish format focused more on pre-canon backstory of him and bolin. also, last night i kind of accidentally started an essay arguing the case of reading mako as "this is a male female character somehow", but that's a whole other brainrot. my friends think i'm insane for wanting to write an essay for fun :P

thank you so much for stopping by!!! i love to hear that people love this random fictional character too — it makes me really happy especially considering how many people do not love him haha. literally anyone please send me asks about writing or headcanons or brain thoughts and enable me to talk about mako because i can actually talk about mako so much.

and for the record, sorry for responding with so many words oops. i have a lot of thoughts.

^^ summary for the avatar!mako au that i might never finish but i think it's a really funny mix of crack and seriousness that i would love to write. maybe after i finish my marimba solo!

[lumilasi]

Hiiii I was reading FS series and so far AM LOVING IT!! (That ending doe whyyy imma cri (;—;) and just, wanted to ask how u even came up with it? Do u have favorite parts?? (Or least fave, can't imagine that personally thou (〃´∀｀)) asdgfsssd sorry if this is random or weird I just really wanted to let u know I liked it a lot! Might've skipped sleep couple times ahahaha....(^—^);

Thank U for writing! Hope u have a great day!!!!!

Hi there, sorry for late reply! (got this last night basically lol) and don't worry! It's random but in a good way lmao

(Also, don't worry things get better if you continue reading the series, trust me C; But up to you of course! I know its a long ass story when you put all 3 fics together lmao)

Also pls don't skip sleep, sleep is good! Sleep is important haha

I can't recall exactly where the idea came from, I think I was just toying with the concept of "What if AFO WASN'T absolute horse shit of a parent & Somehow friends with Toshinori WITHOUT making All Might evil?" or something along those lines.

Hmmm....I do very much like that one scene, where Hisashi and Toshinori chat in a car, or more like Toshinori shares his woes with his friend, and Hisashi says something very simple, but it is very profound in the context of the story/their relationship. (I drew this scene and wrote a whole ass essay about why I loved the scene so much for some reason lmao).

Hisashi Kicking Toshinori outta hero form was also pretty fun, namely because you as a reader KNOW who Hisashi is (and Toshinori doesn't, yet), making the whole thing kind of ironic.

Also, Tenko pretending to be a starfish. It was just one of those cute kids train of thoughts moments I really liked writing. (Since I've drawn all these scenes in question, I'll plop the artworks here so this is not just a wall of text answer lol);

As for least fave, it is actually pretty typical (at least in my case lol) that there's always something I feel like I could've written better. Don't get me wrong I very much still love FS, but even my favorite story has some things that in hindsight...if I wrote the fic now, I'd do differently. Call it learning what works/what doesn't/what could work better and all haha!

These things are:

How Hisashi's brother died. I now feel like how it went down doesn't...quite fit with the kind of character Hisashi became. It was meant to be tragic, kind of accidental, but, ehhh...maybe it doesn't feel enough like an accident? Admittedly this detail is something I could easily go and change as it's just couple of lines of dialogue and a scene, but finding those bits would probably take ages. (Will I do this small but kind of significant change? Who knows, maybe someday lol, I did rewrite an entirety of Reanimate at one point, or well one half of it back in 2020)

The whole Todoroki family sub-plot. Now, the way it was written came from the current understanding of Endeavor's character at that time (pre Touya flashbacks) which, kind of...ironically ended up making me write him worse than he actually turned out to be in canon, (Enji's still a terrible, abusive father and a person ofc, don't get me wrong, but he's def. violent sooner in my fic, than he was in canon) and now, I'd probably approach that plotline differently with the new info I have.

Maybe I wouldn't make a full on redemption arc for Enji as, well, I don't really care about his character much outside the impact he's had on his family, but def. wouldn't have written him as violent as he came off, given the timing of things.

Maybe The Midoriyas could've prevented things from going to that point it ends up in canon, and get Touya to see he has more value than just living up to his dad's amibitions, and MAYBE Enji starting to see his son as an individual, rather than his extension.

Or something. IDK.

Like said, Enji's one of the more boring characters in bnha to me, which makes writing him/focusing on him kind of difficult, hence IDK if I'd be able to pull off such an idea easily. I feel like he has very little interesting substance (to me, this is subjective OFC) outside the whole "bad dad" plot, and as a cherry on top, his design just... manages to combine a lot of things I tend to find kind of unappealing to look at in a character lmao. It's not even rescued by his writing, like what happens with All Might for example.

In fact, if I can get away with not showing Enji on-screen in a story (Without just killing him off/putting him in jail, those aren't my favorite solutions to issues like this, and have only used the former, once), while still showcasing the negative effect he's had on Dabi (and/or Shoto) I will do it. Quite obviously, I did not feel like it'd work for FS, not having him be on-screen at all.

....Well this is a long answer, this last part got especially rambly, but kind of fitting given how long my stories tend to be too haha! Hope it satisfied your curiosity :D

[riverthebooknerd]

I THINK THAT IF I AM UNDER ANY MORE STRESS I JUST MIGHT GO INSANE

BOY oh boy life sure is fun when you're nearly crying on a plane because you have to be at work in three hours and you have an essay due tonight and nobody is picking up your shift and you accidentally had a meltdown at your grandma's birthday party and your parents are trash-talking your relatives because thanksgiving was TENSE and you still have a million things to do and people keep asking you about where you want to go for college and your cousin was being creepy to your little sister and you really want to fucking quit your job but you need money for gas and christmas presents and you chugged two mountain dews and you think you have the beginnings of a migraine and your phone is about to die and you didn't sleep last night and aaceijciueanicneaimkxsmnxijasnidnu

EIGHT HOURS LATER: okay fam i wrote that on the plane and WOWZA ahaha don't worry i took a nap on the plane and then i ate a little snack and i called in from work and i got my homework done on time. still not doin great but hey life does get better. pain is temporary and all that jazz

bonus:

me, typing all of this while i'm trying not to cry on a plane: i can feel my bones and it's fucking nauseating

me, a few hours later when i'm feeling better: woah! that was kind of a lot. sorry guys 😊

[my-dear-swan]

Man I really came up with a crazy idea.

I want to tell a story, the narrator is a lady from Bayreuth living in late 19th century. The narrator tell the audience that a mysterious elderly lady used to live in her hometown. Rumors ran that she was a witch who did many evils. But the narrator found her a very friendly lady with profound wisdom. They discussed almost everything. The narrator fell in love with a young man, who was equipped with good looks and personality. The elderly lady discovered her secret and , out of curiosity, asked the narrator about how her lover looked. The description made the lady sank into deep thoughts, she told the narrator she had met a talented and noble man in her youth, she loved him, but her love was never returned. She then felt extremely depressed and furious, sweared that she would be forever against the man and his nation. She composed many operas to compete with him, trying to prove that she was the best musician of her generation. She wrote essays throwing nasty words to him. But later she discovered that her love for him wasn't faded completely, instead it shined here and there in her works. She was confused and accidentally started to read Schopenhaur. Then she realized that it wasn't the man's fault not to marry her, it was ration and reality that prevented them from being together. Soon an extraordinary opera was completed, featuring the famous tale of an ill–fated couple, Tristan and Isolde. A King was aware of her talent and decided to provide financial aid to her. She became rich but still hid herself under fake names. Then she moved to Bayreuth, while nobody knew where she came. The elderly lady started weeping after telling her story. The narrator was stricken and determined to help. Later she brought the lady to a prom, her young lover appeared, gently greeting the lady with a kissing on her hand, she let out a cry anf fainted. After this experience, the lady decided to compose her swan song, an opera about the search of the Holy Grail. The narrator and her lover came to assist her, finally their work paid off. Parsifal the Chaste Fool was born. The lady now felt completely relieved, she still loved that man, but she knew that she didn't need to prove it with marrige or sexual connection, her love turned to spiritual ones. The lady asked the narrator to do her a favor for the last time, asking her whether she would walking through the garden with her love when night fell. The narrator agreed without any hestiation. That night, the lady's dream was fulfilled. The next day she went to Venice, three mouths later the narrator heard the news of her death.

[lagoonaballoona]

I think that in the two films Pabst made with me - Pandora's Box and Diary of a Lost Girl - he was conducting an investigation into his relations with women, with the object of conquering any passion that interfered with his passion for his work. He was not aroused by sexual love, which he dismissed as an enervating myth. It was sexual hate that engrossed his whole being with its flaming reality.

[...]

Never conducting group discussions with his actors, he then told each actor separately what the actor must know about the scene. To Pabst, the carry-over of the acting technique of the theatre, which froze in advance every word, every move, every emotion, was death to realism in films. He wanted the shocks of life which released unpredictable emotions. Proust wrote, "Our life is at every moment before us like a stranger in the night, and which of us knows what point he will reach on the morrow?" To prevent actors from from plotting every point they would reach on the morrow, Pabst never shot quite the scenes they prepared for.

[...]

In order to see things from the film director's viewpoint, one might think how difficult it is to get a true smile in a single snapshot of a person we know. Then think of a director who faces a group of strangers, all of them certain about how they want to play their parts, some of them antagonistic, all of them full of a thousand secrets of pain and humiliation which, accidentally touched upon, may defeat the director in an utterly baffling way. No director will ever admit his fear of failing to get a performance out of an actor. Some, like Erich von Stroheim, try to arouse by viciousness any violent emotion and photograph it; some fortify themselves by the use of mugging actors; some use trick photography or symbolism. But a truly great director such as a G.W. Pabst holds the camera on the actors' eyes in every vital scene . He said, "The audience must see it in the actor's eyes." In his 1926 film, Secrets of a Soul, he sent the actor playing a psychiatrist to take a course in psychoanalysis so he could see it in his eyes. Pabst's genius lay in getting to the heart of a person, banishing fear, and releasing the clean impact of personality which jolts an audience to life.

[...]

It was the moment when he realized that his choice of me for Lulu was instinctively right. He felt like he had created me. I was his Lulu! However, a bouquet of roses he gave me on my arrival at the railway station in Berlin was my first and last experience of the kind of deference he paid to the other actors. From that moment, I was firmly put through my tricks, with no fish thrown in for a good performance.

-Louise Brooks, Lulu in Hollywood

(if her attitude to pabst seems kind of all over the place in these excerpts (also if you're reading these reblogs i love you) yeah...her essay on pabst is kind of about examining the dissonance between her relationship to him as a critic writing decades later and their apparently. fractious working relationship then)

This is a three-way poll. Only one of these women will continue to the fourth round of the bracket.

Propaganda

Ava Gardner (The Killers, The Barefoot Contessa)— She's so goddamn hot. Her and Frank Sinatra could've sandwiched me and I would've thanked them for the privilege

Leonor Maia (The Tyrannical Father)— She didn't do a lot of movies but in The Tyrannical Father she is so pretty and charming that there's a guy who's obsessed with her to such a degree he is still a meme 80 years later. Her character's name is Tatão and the guy would stare at her whenever she was there and say her name to the tune of everything. A clock ticking: ta-tão, ta-tão, ta-tão. And to this day one of the lines people know the best from that very quotable movie is "ta-tão". She inspired crushes and horniness of legendary levels.

Louise Brooks (Pandora's Box, Diary of a Lost Girl)—Louise Brooks started off as a dancer and went to work in the Follies before going to Hollywood. Disappointed with her roles there, she went to Germany and proceeded to make Pandora's Box, the first film to show a lesbian on-screen (not her but one of her many doomed admirers in the film), and Diary of a Lost Girl, both of which are considered two of the greatest films of the 20th century. She helped popularize the bob and natural acting, acting far more subtly than her contemporaries who treated the camera as a stage audience. After the collapse of her film career and a remarkably rough patch as a high-end sex worker, she was rediscovered and did film criticism, notably "Lulu in Hollywood," which Rodger Ebert called "indispensable." Also, christ. Look at her.

This is round 3 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Ava Gardner:

Ava Gardner is one of my favorite actresses of all time. Although a lot of her roles in movies are about her being beautiful and nothing else, there are some films where her acting truly shines.

Gifset: https://www.tumblr.com/pelopides/721438308726603776/ava-gardner-as-pandora-reynolds-pandora-and-the

Gifset 2: https://www.tumblr.com/portraitoflestatonfire/731899355804598272/if-the-loustat-reunion-doesnt-look-like-this-then

HER FACE. LOOK AT IT. Also was a life long supporter of civil rights and a member of the NAACP, had lots of fun love affairs with other stars, bullfighters, married several times but was also happy in between to just have lovers and was unapologetically herself.

I literally gasp every time I see her.

Between 1942 and 1964, Ava Gardner was credited in no less 50 films, and is still considered by some to be the most beautiful actresses that ever graced the silver screen. Despite life-long insecurities regarding her talent as an actress, she weathered public scandal, industry hostility, and outright condemnation by the Catholic Church with fearless grace. She would later in life talk candidly about the reality and pain of living through two (studio approved!!) abortions during her short marriage to Frank Sinatra, and while the two of them could not make their relationship work, they remained in each other’s lives for nearly 30 years. She would forever describe herself as a small-town girl who just got lucky, but always felt like a beautiful outsider.

Really genuinely one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen. An autodidact. Had amazing chemistry with Gregory Peck to the point where I do think about watching On The Beach again sometimes because they're so good together even though that movie did destroy me. Was a great femme fatale in many movies.

There is no additional propaganda for Leonor Maia.

Louise Brooks:

"Defined the style of the modern flapper. A gaze that could make a stone fall in love."

"Louise Brooks left a legend far greater than her real achievement as an actress, but even today few people have seen her films. In our own time, the fascination with Brooks seems to have begun in 1979 with a profile by Kenneth Tynan in the New Yorker, which revealed that the actress who made her last movie in 1938 was alive and living in Rochester, N.Y. Such was the power of Tynan's prose that people began to seek out her existing films, primarily this one, to discover what the fuss was about. What we see here is a healthy young woman -- she was 23 when the film was released -- with whom the camera, under G.W. Pabst's influence, is fascinated. There is a deep paradox in Brooks and her career: the American girl who found success in the troubled Europe between two wars; the vivid personality who briefly dazzled two continents but faded into obscurity; the liberated woman who had affairs with such prominent men as CBS founder William S. Paley as well as with women including (by her account) Greta Garbo but wound up a solitary recluse. And all of this seems perfectly in keeping with her most celebrated role in Pandora's Box. For despite her bright vitality, her flashing dark eyes and brilliant smile, Brooks's Lulu becomes the ultimate femme fatale, careering her way toward destruction, not only of her lovers but eventually of herself."

"She invented having bangs to indicate that you have borderline personality disorder"

"chances are if youve ever seen a "flapper girl" character or even just art of a generic flapper type made after the 20s it was based on her appearance - particularly the bob hairstyle! she had some pretty rough experiences through her life before during and after her tumultuous acting career which ended in 1938 but she made it to the 80s, wrote an autobiography and did a lot of interviews that she was never afraid of being honest in about her own life or peers of the age, and apparently was unabashed about some affairs she had with well known women (including greta garbo!!)"

"She read Proust and Schopenhauer on set between sets. She was one of the original flappers/new women of the 1920s. She had a one night stand with Garbo and was the inspiration for Sally Bowles in Cabaret. Truly a stone cold fox."

"on her wikipedia page it says her biographer said she "loved women as a homosexual man, rather than as a lesbian, would love them" and while i have no idea if this is true or not i thought that was very gender of her"

"despite being american she was big in german expressionist films and thus her aesthetic was unmatched!!"

So far ahead of her time in regard to portraying complicated women. Timeless elegance. "I learned to act by watching Martha Graham dance, and I learned to dance by watching Charlie Chaplin act.” - Louise Brooks

[salfur]

So, I accidentally wrote an essay last night while writing down my thoughts on the Homestuck Epilogue and I thought I’d share it with all of you. Let me state on record that I am not trying to start or fuel any discourse, I just wanted to share my thoughts and, I guess, theories. Be warned that this does discuss some spoilers in the epilogue, though I try not to go too in depth if I can avoid it. So, if you’re interested, click the link below and if not, then ignore.

To start, I am going to say that I didn't hate the epilogue. Sure, it was hard to read and at times I thought the writing was a bit too thick, but in the end I thought it wasn't as bad as I've seen people making it out to be. In a way, I get what Hussie is trying to do, that being showing the two extremes in both the fandom and storytelling. As I'm sure we are all aware (at least those who have read the epilogue) Candy was a clusterfuck of shipping and fan service while Meat was full of dark themes (not to say candy wasn't without it's own darkness) and was tough to get through for both us, the readers, and the characters themselves. I'm also sure that most of us are aware that the epilogue is non-canon and that, ultimately, nothing that happens in it really matters.

I have heard, or rather read, a lot of posts talking about how the writing was completely ooc and to some extent I am inclined to agree. However, I think it is important to remember that there was a canonical 7 year gap that we, as readers, were unable to experience. There was very little that Hussie gave us that allowed us to know for sure whether everything in the epilogue was truly ooc. Because, and let's be real here, a lot can and likely has happened in 7 years and we were unable to know any of it. So how can it be ooc if we don't even really know the characters anymore? Can we truly say that the characters we grew to love and care for would be the same 7 years later? Honestly, I don't believe we can.

This, of course, isn't even taking into account the whole "Ultimate Self" thing that's been happening to all the god tiers for who knows how long now. I don't know if I really understand what the Ultimate Self is, but it seems like it's the result of being merged with all other versions of themselves. Obviously, some of the characters have taken it much better than others and there are even some who don't appear to be experiencing the process yet at all. Though I'm sure that, to some extent, all the god tiers have felt or experienced it in some shape during their time on Earth C.

I mention the Ultimate Self, because I believe that it is important in explaining why it seems as if nearly all the characters were ooc. It's because they are. But they also aren't, because they are slowly becoming every version of themselves. Even when Dirk embraced it, he wasn't done changing into his Ultimate Self. I believe this is most evident in Meat when Roxy reveals to us that both Calliope and them are non-binary. Dirk responds in surprise, but ultimately supports them. 

He even apologizes and corrects himself when he accidentally misgenders Calliope.

However, later on, when dead Calliope is taking control of the narrative, Dirk changes and becomes disrespectful towards Roxy's identity. 

It becomes clear that Dirk's views changed and he seemingly no longer supports Roxy's identity. But the question then is why? What caused this change in heart? There was seemingly nothing in the narrative that showed us that he had any reason to change his views and yet he did. The only conclusion I could come to was because of the whole Ultimate Self thing. Dirk is slowly merging with all his other selves, and I'm sure that we all know that many of Dirk's splinters (or other versions) have been known to become quite manipulative and even abusive. Hell, there was even a version of him that was homophobic (that being Dave's Bro). So it's not out of the question that there have been other versions that were discriminatory towards other genders or identities.

Rose was right to be worried about losing herself if she gave into the Ultimate Self, because that is exactly what we have witnessed with Dirk. However, what we saw with Dirk isn't going to be the same with everyone. I'm quite confident that the reason why he's been unable to differentiate himself and his other versions is because he's a Prince of Heart. He already has a connection to his other versions, but by allowing himself to become his Ultimate Self, he had begun the journey of completely losing himself. As we see him now he is now no longer just one version of himself, but many other versions in one. I don't doubt that Dirk had good intentions initially and believed that if he allowed the process to happen that he would become a better person, but unbeknownst to him that wasn't what happened. In allowing himself to become his Ultimate Self he unknowingly allowed himself to become the thing he most feared he'd become. Dirk became a manipulator, a puppet master.

So why does this happen to Dirk but not Dave, who we see in Candy become is Ultimate Self. Perhaps it is because Dirk has not fully transitioned yet, or maybe it’s because he’s a Prince of Heart. Ultimately, we don’t know the answer to this. At least, not yet. Remember earlier when I mentioned that nothing really matters in the epilogue? Well, that isn’t exactly true. In the greater sense, it may be since the events that happen in both Candy and Meat aren’t the “true epilogue.” However, that isn’t to say that what happens within each don’t matter. We have witnessed how the two timelines actually cross each other, almost becoming one. The lines between the two stories are becoming blurred and I believe that it is leading towards a third choice.

Let’s go back to the beginning of the epilogue, shall we? When John was given a choice between Meat or Candy, those weren’t actually the only choices he had. In fact, he had up to at least five choice. As we’ve seen he could have gone for either Meat or Candy, but he also could have taken both, neither, or a completely other option. I mean, let’s not forget that Roxy, the Rogue of Void, was present and we all know how great she was at pulling pumpkins from the void. My theory is that Hussie has at least one more path to explore. The Pumpkin path. And, like Meat and Candy, Pumpkin will intertwine with the other stories and create a sort of resolution to all the loose ends that have been created. I doubt that Pumpkin would be a complete catchall fix-it for all their problems, but I do believe that if it happens it’ll fix a lot them.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk. I hope this essay sparked some of your own ideas or theories.

TLDR: I don’t think the epilogue was as bad as everyone has been making it out to be (granted it’s still pretty bad, both content and writing wise). My theory on why everyone seems so ooc (Dirk especially) is because of the whole “Ultimate Self” thing because all the god tiers have begun to merge with all their other selves. This process is making Dirk lose his own self in the process because he’s a Prince of Heart. The epilogues, as of now, are non-canon, but that’s only because we haven’t gotten to the third and final choice John could have made which would completely cross the two stories into one and also, hopefully, tie up all the loose ends that have been created.

[chocodollxren]

Hey~ May i request fluff headcanons of savannaclaw with gn!s/o? S/o falls asleep on the desk while doing homework, i want to see what they will do~ Thank you~

sure thing! here you go <33 thank you for ordering a gyokuro tea! sorry for the delay. i’ve been trying to do a lot of stuff recently, + work on my ocs;; i accidentally spent too long writing out a guide list for myself to follow without realizing whoops- this order was quite fun to work on! my tumblr is being weird asf so if there’s duplicate lines or missing ones, please tell me!

𓄹 ❥𝘈 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘱❦ 𝘚𝘢𝘷𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘸,,

-> teahouse ,, menu ! order up ” guestlist ! ꒱·˚ ,, #O5.O2.22🍵 ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵

summary: fatigue is everyone’s weakness. the longer you stay awake or the harder you work, the more tired you become. unable to stay awake any longer, you find yourself drifting off into sleep midway through an assignment. just how will your dear boyfriend react? no tws, gn reader with established relationship.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ LEONA KINGSCHOLAR. ❞

despite dating the person who sleeps the most on campus, you yourself had barely any last night. after cleaning up Leona’s messes, you got back to Ramshackle quite late, writing up a report and barely made it to class that morning. now that you were finally done with classes for the day, you were going to sleep with your boyfriend until you realized that essay was due the next day.

with a heavy heart, you text your boyfriend you wouldn’t be going to Savanaclaw, instead you were just with something urgent. your grade depended on this, it had to be absolutely perfect. the end of the semester was approaching, your final grade being an 80 or reaching the 90s hinged on this. essays were worth much more in class compared to regular assignments, and being the fact that grim would fail, you needed to make sure you pass get a high pass to at least get an average.

heading off to your room, the only place with proper furniture, you locked the door to stop distractions, Grim, from entering. no matter how tired you were, you absolutely needed to focus… and this focus lasted for about five minutes until you fell face flat onto your desk, pencil in hand. Leona on the other hand, was quite awake. In your half-asleep daze you texted him, ‘no going savanaclaw. urgent issue.’ completely failing to realize how ominous that sounded considering you were the overblot solver and crowley’s unpaid errand-runner. concerned, he hurried over to Ramshackle only to find your door locked. without thinking, he broke it open to find you face first on your desk.

growling, he stared at you and watched you breathe and snore a little, your tiredness very eminent. he was torn between being angry at you for worrying him, and being relieved. although he often forced you to cuddle and sleep with him, at this angle he could clearly see your features, admiring them and chuckling. a defenseless herbivore was in front of him, and you were none the wiser.

after a few minutes, he finally had enough of just staring and actually picked you up, setting you down in your bed surrounded in pillows. taking the pencil out of your hand, he set it at your desk and nearly laughed, you hadn’t even spelled your own name right, wrote the wrong teacher’s name, and didn’t even add the date. tossing your pencil onto the desk, he climbed into bed with you, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and slept along with you. you failing didn’t really matter to him, nor did your complaints about being crushed when you woke up.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ RUGGIE BUCCHI. ❞

history was a little confusing, there was always a lot to a single story, let alone the hundreds of stories you’d studied while taking his course. although it was only a lesson review instead of a written-essay or project, you were still weary from his lesson. unable to keep yourself awake any longer, you let yourself fall asleep for just a simple five minutes, making sure to set a timer to not stay asleep.

finally finishing what Leona wanted, Ruggie rushed back to his room to examine the goods he stole… and you! he remembered that you mentioned you’d stop by after class, and true to your word there you were on his bed, your hand next to your phone, finger right by the start timer button. laughing, he considered his options.

one, he could take that watch on your wrist that looked like it could sell for a bit, two, he could wake you up to finish your assignment, or three, he could just let you rest. although he really liked that watch, he chose to instead move your school supplies. you falling asleep in an awkward position was honestly a you problem, he had to count his riches he just stole.

when you wake up, however he would pretend to be sorry for not waking you up or moving your body in a comfier position, and as soon as you look away he laughs. deep down though, he wished you stayed asleep a little longer. he really enjoyed watching how peaceful you were, and that you were his lover, waiting for him and were comfortable enough to fall asleep in his bed. he didn’t have much to offer in a relationship compared to others, but the simple things in your relationship made him melt, just a tiny bit.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ JACK HOWL. ❞

being in a relationship with Jack meant many amazing things, but one of your favorites being he ability to actually sit down and study with him, a serious one on one where you both helped each other. you appreciated your friends but honestly, they did not seem to want to improve and were content barely getting a pass.

today you and Jack were about to share notes over Crewel’s lesson, you were hoping that someone from his class or he succeeded, since no one in your’s did. you had already headed to his room as he was going to do a quick jog before returning, and you decided to make yourself comfy and get to work. you pulled out your textbook, writing down notes of the day’s lesson and fell asleep midway, the Savanaclaw dorm was just so warm and cozy you couldn’t resist.

finishing his “brisk walk”, Jack hurried to his room and accidentally greeted you before quickly shutting up mid-sentence. he knew his voice was a little louder than most, and he didn’t want you to stir when you were fast asleep. instead, he stood at his door staring into his dorm looking very confused.

should he move? wake you up? should he just review without you first? a part of him would feel very sad to wake his mate up and see them groggy, but he also knew you wanted to pass the class. his inner desires winning, he let you sleep peacefully as he tried to softly make his way beside you, sitting down. opening his own textbook, he looked over what you wrote and compared them to what happened in his class, trying to figure out the solution as no one succeeded.

heading you mutter in his sleep, he tried to calm his nerves and swaying tail and focus on the assignment for the two of you. the closer you inched towards him, the more he tried to ignore you, until the point his tail became your pillow and he was a flustered mess, telling himself to do the assignment. it ended up with him sitting there, back completely straight, staring at his window for two hours as you rested in his tail. A next time, he’d just wake you.

✎ ˎˊ- "chocodollxren" [choco - doll - rhen] ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵ dn repost. likes/comments/reblogs appreciated; not required. so long as you enjoyed the content.

[btsandvmin]

Evening ponderings part 2:

Is it weird that I remember that on march 17th 2017 Vmin shared a hotel room in Mexico? I don’t know why this date is so stuck in my mind... Probably because I wrote a whole ass essay of an analysis about it (not posted) and the date just didn’t want to be forgotten. Or maybe it’s because it’s the last confirmed time we know Vmin shared a hotel room during tour.

All thanks to an accidental sighting of Tae’s gucci slippers in a Jimin tweet... (and then confirmed later from Jimin’s own mouth.)

It’s been 5 years. 5 WHOLE YEARS! And yesterday night I was like, oh toworrow is the “anniversary” of Vmin sharing a room in Mexico.... O-o

And we only know for sure because of the Vlive when Taehyung told Jimin “Let’s go sleep” and they talked about how they shared a room when they were in Mexico and how Tae played games for 10 hours and man.... 2017 Vmin was a ride and I miss it. 😭

I can’t believe how important those ugly (sorry Tae) Gucci slippers were, and how insane I am for filling my brain with nothing but Vmin. 🤪

Ok, time for me to go sleep too. Nighty night everyone~

[ptergwen]

I think your requests are open (I didn’t see anything that said otherwise but I suck at this app lol) but I was wondering if you could write a peter x reader (likely college-age) where they have an academic rivalry and just tease each other a lot and lots of fluff and shit? It can be an established relationship or like a friends/rivals to lovers or really whatever you want. Sorry if this is super specific! Anyways, I love your writing, it always cheers me up :)

friends close, enemies closer

ik this is cherry BUT i had to

w/c: 1.6k

warnings: swearing and hints of suggestiveness

a/n: thank you my love ! i’m actually obsessed with this concept so i’m super super happy with how it came out n i hope you are too :,)

-

you wipe sweat from your upper lip, peeking at peter’s laptop screen. he’s more than halfway through the paper your english professor tasked your class to write. he looks to have not a worry in the world as he continues to type away. growling at this, you dive right back into work.

you’ve been at each other’s throats since the beginning of classes when you both wanted the same spot. first row, middle seat. peter had officially claimed it in the end. you’d flopped down next to him and his irritating smirk.

the dude is smart, you’ll give him that. his knowledge of literature is almost as impressive as yours. almost. he raises his hand any chance he gets, effectively stealing your thunder if you dare to participate.

peter is also a bit of a people pleaser. he’ll chat up your professor at office hours, fascinate her with his hot takes on things or stupid anecdotes. you often get so annoyed that you bail before you even attempt to woo her yourself. the sight of you storming off is something peter thoroughly enjoys.

bottom line is, golden boy peter parker never loses. underneath the sweet, innocent persona he hides behind is a ruthless fighter. you’re determined to end his winning streak, thus sparking your ongoing competition to be better than the other in every way possible.

this time, your goal is to meet your ten page paper requirements the fastest. they aren’t due for weeks, but you and peter are banging them out in one sitting.

you’re hauled up in the campus library, sat side by side despite your wishes for peter to get his own table. he’d insisted on sharing with you. why, you haven’t a clue. you can’t stand him, and he isn’t the fondest of you either.

that’s what you tell yourselves, at least.

“progress report?” peter requests from you. “page three. you?” you grunt back. he props his feet up on the table, arms flexed behind his head. “finishing up page seven. you already knew that, though... creeper.”

god, you can hear the shit-eating grin in his voice.

you glance over at peter, doing your best to ignore how his biceps bulge under his hoodie. nerdy little parker is ripped.

“worry about yours, i’ll worry about mine. thanks.” you reread the sentence you wrote prior to peter’s chiseled body distracting you. “oh, the irony,” he sighs and nudges the edge of your laptop with his sneaker. scowling, you shift the screen away from him.

about a minute of silence goes by until it’s unfortunately filled by peter. he stretches his arms out, finally removing his dirty shoes from the table.

“i’m gonna take five. maybe, you could use it as an opportunity to catch up to me,” peter cockily suggests. “spare me your charity, peter. i’m doing just fine without it,” you retort, letting out a scoff. peter raises his hands in defense. “if you say so, princess.”

here you were, naively thinking peter couldn’t become any more insufferable than he already is.

you slam your laptop shut and jab a finger at his chest. “jesus christ, how many times do i have to ask you not to call me that?” a patronizing pout adorns peter’s lips. “aw, i love it when you get all bossy on me. so cute.”

he grabs your hand still on his chest, pressing a light kiss to the back of it. you’re quick to wipe it off on his hoodie. nevertheless, there’s an undeniable heat rushing to your cheeks.

“well, i hate it when you call me princess,” you deadpan. peter tilts his head to the side. “do you?”

of course not. deep down, you live for the fuzzy feeling you get whenever the nickname slips from his tongue. oh, his tongue and the things it can do. poking out as he focuses hard on a question, running across his pink lips…

you have to reel it in. this is peter parker you’re fantasizing about, your mortal enemy.

“yes. i hate it, and i hate you,” you unsuccessfully convince the both of you. “no, you don’t,” peter rasps, darkened eyes scanning over your features. his stare is intense and intimidating. he grasps your chin between his thumb and index finger, slowly leaning in closer.

he’s not going to stop until you make him. you don’t want to, but you will.

you shove his shoulder, dragging your laptop towards you again. “on second thought, i could use that catch up. you’re not gonna throw me off my game, parker.”

your rejection seems to disappoint peter. his expression matches that of a kicked puppy, brows furrowed and arms crossed over his chest.

“we’ll see,” he murmurs and swings a leg over his chair. “alright, i’m gonna run to the caf. you want anything?”

he’s offering to buy you food now? what’s his angle here?

“i’d say yes, but i’m afraid you’ll poison it somehow,” you half joke. peter hops to his feet. “don’t give me any ideas,” he warns, snatching his backpack off the floor. “i’ll just surprise you.”

although you’re curious what his mystery snack choice for you would be, you can’t accept. you’d be going against your entire dynamic.

would that be so terrible?

absolutely.

you wave him off towards the double doors. “i’m good, peter. really. i’m not that hungry, anyway.” shaking his head, peter throws a backpack strap onto one shoulder. “y/n, your stomach’s been grumbling for the last hour. you gotta eat.”

he’s not wrong. you’re starving, but you’ve been too preoccupied by your essay to break for dinner.

“fine, surprise me,” you concede. peter flashes you a smile, this one void of its usual condescendence. “i’ll be back. try not to miss me too much,” he calls as he walks backwards to the library doors. “i won’t. shoo already,” you dismiss him, a laugh falling from your lips.

peter winks at you, then disappears into the night. you’re left with a serious case of butterflies and a certain freckle faced know-it-all on your mind.

that’s a problem.

you’ve managed to get another page done when peter reappears. he sits back down and slides a bag across the table, you closing your laptop. you dig into it to figure out what he picked for you. you’re not too pleased with his selection, however.

“oh, yummy. vomit in a cup,” you announce as you hold a green smoothie in your hand. peter reaches over and pats your thigh. “it’s good for you. drink up, princess.” you slap him away. “hard pass. i’d rather you have gotten me nothing.”

narrowing his eyes, peter pulls two cookies wrapped in a napkin from his pocket. “i’m guessing you don’t want these either? more for me, then.”

they’re chocolate chip and m&m, your favorite in the cafeteria. they just came out of the oven, so they’re still warm.

“how… how did you know i…” you trail off, peter setting the cookies in front of you. he offers you a lopsided grin. “i know a lot about you, believe it or not. i pay attention.” you surprise yourself by returning his smile. “thank you, peter. how much do i owe you?”

“nah, it’s on me,” peter assures you. “enjoy.” pushing aside your unappealing drink, you seize the cookies instead. “you have to eat, too. let me at least split these with you.” there’s a beat before peter nods. “fair enough.”

that results in you two munching on your cookies while pretending to write your papers. you’re sneaking glances at each other whenever the other isn’t looking, in reality.

once it’s about time for the library to close, you’re on the verge of passing out. peter is concluding his essay until he hears a thump from your side of the table.

he finds you with your cheek smushed against your keyboard and hitting random letters, snores escaping you.

chuckling to himself, peter places a hand on your shoulder. “hey, y/n?” he speaks in a hushed tone. you awake with a gasp, drool pooling at the corners of your mouth. “easy there, princess. it’s only me.” he rubs circles on your back, and it’s oddly comforting.

“keep doing that,” you purr, momentarily forgetting how much you’re supposed to despise peter. he lets his fingers dance across the exposed skin of your lower back. “we should probably head out. it’s kinda late,” peter decides.

you sit up, bones aching and eyes forced open. “not yet. have to beat you first.” you start to delete the gibberish you accidentally typed. peter cups your cheek to turn your head towards him, your movements halting. “this one’s a tie. you did good, y/n/n,” he coos. “finish the rest another day.”

“why’re you being so nice to me?” you nearly whisper. peter uses his thumb to swipe the drool from your lips. “‘cuz i care about you. i might not show it, but i do,” he admits with the hint of a smile. “besides, i need you… for the, uh, the healthy competition.”

laughing softly, you twist his hoodie strings around your fingers and tug. “your intentions are pure as always. sure that’s all you need me for?” peter’s gaze darts to your lips, then your eyes. “we’ll see,” he repeats.

rivalry be damned.

“mm. i care about you too, parker. thanks again for tonight,” you hum. a blush coats peter’s cheeks, even in the dim library lighting. his sweet and innocent side might truly exist. “no problem.” peter links your pinkie with his, the gesture giving you that fuzzy feeling. “i’ll walk you back to your dorm?”

you lean over and kiss his pinkie intertwined in yours.

“lead the way.”

[bruhstories]

Sticky, Saccharine & Sinful

Summary: Professor Jaeger asks his assistant to come over and grade some papers. Pairing: Zeke Jaeger x Fem!Reader (modern AU) Warnings & Content: language, protected sex, fingering, oral sex (female & male receiving), spanking, daddy kink, bossy Zeke, bratty Reader, tying up, bit of an age gap but no underage shit (we don’t do that here) Word Count: 2.5 k

A/N: Huehuehue guess who finally wrote a daddy kink smut? Also I have looped Cherry Cola by Kuwada the entire time i wrote, proofread and formatted this bitch, I think it works with the atmosphere

"Y/N, I'm gonna need you to help me grade some papers later today." Professor Jaeger pushed his glasses with his index finger as he looked up from his book.

"You got it, boss!" You nodded as you entered the staff lounge room at Stohess Uni, two cups in your hands.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Zeke?" The man sighed. “Or at least call me professor.”

"But I'm your assistant, you're my superior, that makes you my boss, boss." Sarcasm dripping down your tongue as you placed his coffee down the table. "All black, two cubes of sugar."

"Thank you. And yes, technically I am your boss, but you're, what, six years younger than me?"

"Seven and a half." You pouted.

You've been working at Stohess University for a little over a year now as Zeke Jaeger's assistant. He was the best philosophy teacher, as well as head of the department, and you nailed your internship interview, aspiring to be like him one day. He even taught you Ethics during your masters, and currently you were doing your PhD research under his coordination. The man was a genius in his field, and you didn't dare disappoint him, but your personalities always clashed. He was calm and collected, you were bubbly and all over the place. He was nice and polite, you were sarcastic and rude. Zeke knew you'd make a horrible teacher for children, but undergraduate students would adore you.

"How can you drink hot coffee in this heat wave?" You asked him as you fanned someone's epistemology essay to cool yourself off.

"It's actually been proven that warm drinks hydrate better than cold ones during summertime." He inhaled the scent of freshly brewed coffee before taking the essay out of your hand.

"Whatever you say, boss." You shrugged and gulped on your iced tea, a few glistening amber drops dripping from the corners of your mouth, down your chin and your neck. "Ah, shit." You wiped the tea with the back of your hand, not catching Zeke watching you curiously. "Why did the AC have to break down today of all days?"

"Dunno." He shrugged and immersed himself back into his book. "Oh, I hope you don't mind coming to my place to grade the papers? I don't think you'll be able to focus in this heat. Besides, I want to take a look at your latest PhD chapter." Jaeger told you absentmindedly, eyes glued to the pages in front of him.

"Sure thing–"

"Don't say it."

"Boss."

"Jesus Christ..."

You adored pissing your ex-professor off, but deep down, Zeke couldn't deny the fact that he loved the authority he had over you. You were a very alluring woman, after all, and any sane man would kill to be as close to you as he was, let alone boss you around like he did. And he had the strong feeling you acted like a brat around him on purpose. You took your leave after downing the rest of your beverage, going to the library to borrow some books for your own research.

•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

You rang the intercom and waited for Zeke to let you inside the building, dragging your feet down the hallway, tired from carrying so much shit with you – laptop, books, essays, papers, pens and highlighters – you were a walking, talking stationery shop and one could only wonder how someone with such a petite frame was so strong. Zeke waited in the doorway and took some of your things, relieving the weight as you sighed.

"Coffee?" He guided you to his kitchen.

"Water, please." You plopped on a chair and unbuttoned the first three heart-shaped buttons of your lilac shirt, tiny beads of sweat bundled up at your collarbone.

"You sure? I'll be keeping you up all night." Jaeger laughed. He was obviously talking about the papers, but to you, the sentence had a different innuendo — not that you minded, you had your fair share of sinful fantasies with the older man. Come to think of it, you were wondering why he was single. Zeke was undoubtedly an attractive man, he could have any woman he wanted. Yet you’ve never seen him on a date, never seen a picture of a woman when you accidentally glanced at his phone, never heard him talk about a significant other.

"Hey, mind if I smoke?" You asked, noticing the ashtray on his table.

"Not at all, I'll join you." He sat opposite you, mug of coffee in his hand. You pulled out a pack of pink cigarettes from your backpack and placed one between your lips, pocketing your jeans for a lighter. His hand extended over the table, lighter in his hand, and you slightly bent your head forward, eyes glued to his. You inhaled the smoke, not breaking eye contact, and exhaled with a sigh. Something about Zeke lighting up your cigarette made your little cunt tingle.

"Thanks, boss." The corners of your lips turned into a barely visible smirk. You really, really liked to tick him off.

"Don't mention it." He told you before lighting his own cigarette. What, no comeback? No objection? "How's your paper going?"

"It's... going." You shrugged.

"You haven't written anything in your last chapter, have you?"

"No, I have," you half-whined, "it's just that I can't find my words. I think I encountered writer's block."

"'S alright, we'll figure something out." Zeke pulled a stack of papers from his briefcase and dropped it on the table.

"Wow, no shit you need help, that's a lot of papers." You twirled the cigarette between your fingers before taking one final puff and crushing it in the glass ashtray.

"Told you." He picked his resting cigarette back from the ashtray. "You can do the first years."

"I'd rather do something else." You whispered to yourself, eyes almost rolling at the back of your head.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, boss. First years, got it." Your manicured fingers pulled the stack of papers closer to you. The exams were already annotated according to subject and year and you took everything you needed before shoving them back to Zeke.

•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

You were bored out of your mind, fiddling with the red pen in your hand and tapping your fingers on the table with no particular rhythm. It was already dark outside and you barely finished a quarter of your stack while Zeke was halfway through his.

"Could you please stop that?" He asked you without even bothering to look at you.

"Why?"

"It's annoying."

With a groan you rolled your eyes and stopped tapping your fingers, instead opting to fidget your leg, bouncing it up and down under the table. The wooden furniture shook at the movement and Zeke sighed, putting the pen down.

"I understand you're bored, but if you want to be a professor, this is part of the job description."

"I know, I know, but, like, can we take a break? Please? We've been at it for two and a half hours now and I'm just so bored." You looked at him with puppy eyes and a pout on your plump lips.

"Ugh, fine. What do you want to do?"

"I dunno. Got any board games?"

"Only a pack of playing cards." Zeke shrugged.

"Perfect! Literally anything is better than this. I mean look at what this kid wrote: the ship of Theseus ARE a thought experiment. Can you believe it? How can a nineteen-year-old not know proper grammar?"

"Careful, Y/N," he chuckled, "you made a pretty embarrassing error during your masters, too."

"Nooo, don't bring that up!" You got up and walked to the freezer, scanning the contents.

"Why not? It's funny."

"Yeah, for you." You rolled your eyes. "But I still proved my worth." You triumphantly told him, tongue playfully poking out of your mouth from behind the freezer door. Ugh, you were so cute, made to be ravaged. Your eyes settled on the single raspberry popsicle and you picked it up, closing back the door. "Can I have this?" Oh, he knew exactly what you were doing.

"Of course."

With Zeke's approval, you unwrapped the plastic, revealing the rose-tinted dessert, swirling your tongue around its tip. You were a sight for sore eyes, (not so) innocently licking at the popsicle, your gaze on him and his growing bulge. He didn't even bother hiding it, instead relaxing in the chair and drinking you in. It was no mistake that Zeke invited you over, and you weren't stupid enough to believe it was a mistake.

"Do you... want some?" You trailed off as the once cold dessert began melting from your hot lips.

"If you'd be so kind." He patted his lap and you accepted the invitation. His bulge was comfortably uncomfortable against your ass, and you put the popsicle onto his lips, one arm draped around his shoulder. Zeke's tongue moved languidly around the sweet snack and you leaned in, your own tongue licking both the dessert and his lips. It was sticky and saccharine and sinful, and your poor pussy couldn't take it anymore.

"Do you wanna fuck me, daddy?" You naively asked him. He wasn't surprised in the slightest by the name, already suspecting you had daddy issues, in fact counting on it.

"I very much do." His hands were already roaming your body. The popsicle was almost gone, and you deepthroated the last bit, taking the little stick out of your mouth with a pop. Finally, he crushed his lips onto yours and you could tell he had experience. You dropped the stick on the tiled floor, twisting your body to better straddle him. Zeke unbuttoned your shirt as you slowly began grinding your hips against his bulge, earning a groan from him. "Ugh, you bad girl." He threw his head back as you loosened the tie around his neck.

"Are you going to punish me?" You slowly, too slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

"What’s the point of a punishment if you’re going to enjoy it?" He mused, unclasping your bra. You had goosebumps all over your skin and Zeke took one of your nipples in his hot mouth, a hand pinching your other one. You whimpered at the slight stinging sensation

"Does it m-matter if I enjoy it?" His touch became rougher, almost animalistic.

"Of course," he stopped sucking your swollen, oversensitive nipple, "otherwise you won't learn your lesson." You got up and turned around, your back against him, taking your jeans and underwear off, bending down and exposing your cunt to him. "You're going to be the death of me, Y/N." Zeke shook his head, removing his own trousers.

"Allow me." You tucked your fingers behind the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down as you kneeled in front of him. His throbbing cock tapped your face after finally being unleashed from its textile cage.

"I suspected you were big, but this? This is too good." You sneered at his member, mesmerised by its size.

"Just shut up and suck it." Zeke pretty much commanded you and you wet your lips, pressing your tongue against the velvety tip. You worked your way around his shaft, enjoying this more than you should've. You pulled back, a string of saliva and precum attached to your lips as you looked up at him.

"Am I doing good, daddy?"

"So good." He grabbed a fistful of your hair and pushed your head back. You eagerly sucked and slurped until he got bored of your mouth around his cock. Zeke pulled you up, spun you around and bent you over the table. He brought your wrists together and tied them up behind your back with his tie before taking a step back and admiring the view. Ass up, face down, just like he loved it. His foot pushed yours to the side, spreading your legs for him before he gave you a good slap over your ass cheeks. You shot up with a moan but his hand forced you back down against the table.

"I think I know exactly how to punish you." Zeke announced, two fingers spreading your folds as his tongue dove inside of you, lapping at your wet cunt.

"Oh, God!" You groaned in pleasure. No man has ever eaten you out like he did. Most guys did it as a chore. Zeke? He was enjoying every single bit of it, passionately fingering you, his tongue moving in ways you didn't think were possible. "Ah, fuck– so good! Daddy, please! I'm coming!"

The way he venomously laughed told you that no, you were not going to come any time soon. Just as you were about to let loose, Zeke stopped, removing his fingers, another slap on your ass. Tears pooled at your Y/E/C eyes, frustration written all over your face. "No, no, no!"

"I told you, Y/N, you're a bad, bad girl." He bent over and whispered in your ear, his cock pressing against your entrance, his hand in your hair.

"Oh, pleaseee, I need to come! Will you let me come?"

"Hm, it depends." Jaeger straightened his back, hands resting on your hips. "Did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes, yes, daddy, I did! I promise I'll be good!" You tried to turn around to look at him, oblivious to what he was doing behind your back, cheeks crimson, droplets of sweat on your forehead.

"Convincing enough." He shrugged and you heard the condom snap against his cock.  Unexpectedly and without any warning, the man thrusted into your wet cunt and you, again, shot up, but he pinned you back. "Stay fucking put, you little whore." Zeke demanded and you tried, you really tried, but your body had a mind of its own. "I see you refuse to learn."

"No, no, please!" You slammed your face onto the table, squishing your cheek in the process, desperate and helpless.

"That's better." He concluded, sarcasm dripping down his tongue as he rammed his cock deeper into you. The silken walls clenched around his hard member, and he grunted, no other woman pleasing him like your tight pussy did. "You like it when I take you from behind, you filthy slut?"

"Yes– oh my God, YES!" You bucked your hips against his for more pressure and pain.

"What would my students think if they saw you getting fucked like this on their papers?"

"Ah– I don't c-care!"

"What would the headmaster say if she knew you fuck your superior and- ugh- coordinator?" Jaeger thrusted harder and faster.

"Please, Zeke-"

His hand found its way to your neck, tightly squeezing it.

"Wrong name, Y/N."

"Shit, daddy!"

"That's right, I'm your fucking daddy and hell will freeze before someone else fucking touches you!"

"Fuc-k, fuuuck!" You both howled and panted as you climaxed, your entire bodies quivering. Zeke pulled out of you, carefully removing the rubber from his cock and giving you another slap on your perky ass cheeks. You stood up, arms still tied around your back, turned on your heels and pecked him on his cheek, giggling like a schoolgirl, marvelled by the fact that he chose you over anyone else.

"You know what, Y/N? Now that I've found you, I'm never going to let you go." He promised.

"I'm all yours, boss."