#for starters i spend the most of the last couple of day looking for the picture of cal wearing those sunglasses

[r0-boat]

Asmodeus as the father of your kids

I know canonically Asmodeus can't have kids let's just use our imaginations ✨

SFW! Suggestive! No sex but heavily suggestive because Asmodeus.

Cw: children, pregnancy, birth.

From pregnancy to delivery and after he is the most doting and gentle father. From rubbing your sore feet to helping you with anything you desire. He'll do it with a soft smile in his face and hearts in his eyes because he sees you as the most beautiful creature in all of hell, heaven and Earth.

The Great and feared Demon King of Lust is now wrapped around your little finger. Asmodeus worships the ground you walk on and worships you in other ways ;)

This is the same guy who said he'd clip your toenails for you. You won't be doing anything again once you're pregnant with that man's baby.

Mama/mother/mommy/ma is now your new nickname; He will never stop, even if you ask him to.

He definitely want more kids personally, but honestly 100% he would be okay with whatever number you pick of how many kids you want because he would just be happy to be a father again.

You don't need to do anything because he's already baby-proofed and bought everything. He is screaming with Joy as he brings out the old baby stuff he used to have from the first time he had kids. Yes, it might be a little old.... A couple of centuries, to be exact... But he is sure they are still working. You would not be using century-old baby stuff, But Asmodeus seems insistent; you try coaxing him to shop for the baby... Oh, that Got his attention.

Honestly, from how excited he was, it started to feel like he was the one having the baby and not you. He promises he'll be on his best behavior; absolutely no sexual shenanigans, as you not only go to the human world for shopping but also Tartaros.

"No, Asmodeus, we can't take this all back...*

"Yes, we can. I have the space, And I'm paying for it anyway~"

Your and your baby's health is his TOP priority. Anything that harms or stresses you in any way is considered the scum of the earth, and wants them eradicated this instant in 0.5 seconds.

He wants to do everything when it comes to baby stuff, everything baby showers, gender reveals, every and all baby trend imaginable that he has seen over the years but he has never gotten to do, from picking out a starter Pokémon plushie to trying out baby products on devil social media. Yeah, he's definitely going a little loonie. You might want to calm him down.

He never thought he'd feel this fuzzy feeling in his chest again, watching you cradle your newborn child in your arms. His arms shake, and there is anticipation and nervousness as you hand him his child. He looks at you with a pair of love as he kisses you and whispers, "Thank you."

Asmodeus probably has an entire list of baby names, but at the end of the day, He would ask you what You're going to name the child, and whatever name you pick, he would adore.

His descendants also know, And he desperately wants them to meet their new sibling.

If the kings thought he was annoying before talking about his descendants... OH MY GOD. Tapping his mouth shut won't stop him from talking about his child. He has five drives and two phones with pictures full of his newborn baby, some photos of your pregnancy, and photos of you cuddling and falling asleep with the baby in your arms.

Levi texting you: "Please, why did you make a baby with that insufferable fuck? I can't stand his ass. If he says one more thing about that stupid crotch fruit, I'm making you a widow and becoming the stepfather!"

Mammon spoils his kid with wealth. Asmodeus coddles his kid. No matter how old they grow, they will always be his little baby!

I like to think that there's some daughter or child who would be like the MC of Love Unholyc, where they enjoy spending their time inside playing video games and watching anime. Their last only shows when it's for fictional characters. Pouring all that lust into fan fiction, thirsty furry fan art, or a fictional character they're super obsessed with. But when it comes to the actual act itself, They would start covering their ears and eyes out of embarrassment. They're the person making the super-thirsty JJK edits.

Laughing my ass off imagining the family dynamic is being Saiki K. with his parents

Asmodeus: *tossing vegetables in a pan*

MC: Honey you don't have to be so rough~

Asmodeus: Oh I know you like it rough ;)

Asmo's!Kid: OH MY GOD WHYYY!??

[eliisagil]

I have more bc i have no self control and bc these are kinda my favs

So I have a thing going on that I only use b&w pictures of Calum (and like once Tom Holland) as wallpaper in my WhatsApp so I thought to share a few of the ones that I've used and some others I have for later ! Feel free to use them, I edited a couple of them so they could fit the b&w theme and so on

+ bonus: one with all of the boys!

[jadeshifting]

— 25 DAYS OF SHIFTMAS (DAY 3)

Eggnog — What is some drama going on in your DR?

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

🪼 THE YULE BALL — picture this, we’re all supposed to be enjoying the first Triwizard Tournament in years, and the return of the Yule Ball. instead, it’s birthed some of the most drama I’ve seen since everyone found out Draco and Hermione were hooking up last year. that’s saying a lot, since I spend so much time with Draco (pageant diva reincarnated) and around the train wreck of Theo and Pansy’s relationship.

for starters, the girls keep insisting that Harry Potter, of all people, is going to ask me to go with him. I sincerely doubt that the most famous Gryffindor of all time would be seen parading around a Slytherin, but I suppose men have done much crazier things at the whims of their attraction. I hadn’t thought about it until the girls brought it up, but I don’t know if I even want to go with him.

(I know Mattheo isn’t going to ask me, and I’m sure as hell not going to ask him. we’re not public like that, and on my LIFE I would never put my dignity on the line like that. I do not chase.)

I have to give them credit, Harry has been acting a little funny around me lately. caught him looking at me in class, awkwardly trying to hold a door open for me— things like that. he seems like he might even have something he wants to say to me a couple times, but it always looks stuck in his throat. he swallows like there’s a frog lodged in there, and says nothing.

he doesn’t ask me— fucking Cedric Diggory asks me. golden Hufflepuff boy, and a champion, asks me to go with him. the list of people who are apparently willing to ignore the wishes of their families and teachers to be seen with me is growing.

right, so imagine my surprise when I’m waiting on the steps outside the ball, since the champions and their dates are supposed to enter in a procession. too much time passes. Pansy (no date, because her and Theo wouldn’t ask eachother, and she said no to everyone else) tells me he’s probably running late, and let’s go inside to wait. I do.

now imagine the look on my face when I’m standing in the Great Hall, fucking sparkling under the enchanted snow, swathed in silk and fur with a jewel at my throat, and I see Cedric walk in with Cho Chang on his arm.

yeah. do I even need to say more? Astoria is sympathetic, like I’m sad, which I’m not because I’m entirely too good for that.

Mattheo (also no date, because he said he “didn’t think any of the girls in our year were fit for it” which is his way of saying “none except for Jade, who isn’t going with me”) is a little too pleased that he gets to dance with me instead of my date, but the glares he throws at Cedric all night make me a little concerned. fingers crossed Cedric isn’t walking around by himself anytime soon, I doubt that would go well for him.

I definitely don’t let Mattheo enjoy it, either. if I think he’s getting too smug I abandon him at the table and go dance with someone taller until he gets the message.

[svnoo-s]

— HEARTTHROB ! a lee heeseung valentines special

PAIRING ! bestfriend!heeseung x fem!reader (she/her)

SYNOPSIS ! celebrating the day of love with no other than your best friend has to be one of the top three ways to spend valentine’s day, right?

unless you’re in love with your best friend, and she has no idea about it, of course.

well, unfortunately for lee heeseung, he’s in love with his best friend and much to his dismay, you seem to be completely oblivious to the boys feelings. however, he’s determined to figure out a way to confess his feelings before valentine’s day is over — not knowing how incredibly hard it’d be.

GENRE ! friends to lovers, fluff

WORDCOUNT ! 2,8k

WARNINGS ! mentions drunk jake, other than that i don't think there is any :')

every like & reblog is heavily appreciated ! thank u in advance, enjoy ♡

WITH A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS IN ONE HAND AND A PINK CARD IN THE OTHER, HEESEUNG DEEPLY INHALED THROUGH HIS NOSE BEFORE LETTING HIS FIST COME INTO CONTACT WITH YOUR FRONT DOOR.

Heeseung tried recalling the last time he felt this nervous; his heart almost beating out of his chest and his hands slightly shaking as he counted down the seconds - the seconds until you, his dearest friend, would open the door.

February 14th, the day of love, the one day of the year for lovers to shower each other in love and gifts - whatever you choose to call it, it was that time of the year once again; Valentine's day.

Heeseung very much enjoyed the idea of valentine’s day, he liked the fact that there was a whole day declared in the name of love; he always did cherish love, after all. 

He remembers when Sunghoon had rolled his eyes and called him a hopeless romantic that one time he teared up while watching a drama where the two main characters finally got together after ten long episodes of the two lovers constantly bumping into obstacles, but honestly, who could blame him?

Who wouldn’t almost burst into tears in a situation like that, where two people you’ve been rooting for finally get together?

Well, maybe he didn’t have to get off the couch to let everyone know that they finally got together and he most definitely didn’t need to talk about it for the next couple of weeks; talking about it to the point where even Sunoo, who for starters almost cried with him, had to eventually tell him off.

But Heeseung enjoyed being, as Sunghoon would put it, a hopeless romantic. 

Or at least he did, until valentine’s day rolled around.

Perhaps if Heeseung had that special someone to celebrate the day with, he’d appreciate it a whole lot more; but he didn’t - no, instead, he was left to daydream about what it would like to have that special someone to shower with love for an entire day.

And be painfully reminded of who he wanted to be that special someone, of course.

‘’What’s all this?’’ The gasp that trailed off your lips and the shocked look on your face when you swung the door open caused a small chuckle to leave Heeseung’s lips, looking down at the gifts he so thoughtfully had brought you. ‘’Don’t tell me you honestly thought I wouldn’t bring gifts, when we’re spending Valentine’s day together?’’ He cocked an eyebrow at you, causing you to roll your eyes - the small smile on your lips almost causing Heeseung’s heart to do a flip inside of his chest.

‘’You really didn’t have to,’’ You mumbled and Heeseung immediately noticed the way your cheeks flushed red, making him sense a feeling of victory spread across his chest. ‘’Of course I had to.’’

Truth to be told, he didn’t have to.

He didn’t have to spend almost an hour at the flower shop, making the poor girl working there show him every single flower there was and describe each and every single one of them; just to make sure he got you the most beautiful flowers in the entire shop. Nor did he have to force both Jake and Jungwon to help him write you a card, both of them getting annoyed as Heeseung kept complaining that it wasn’t good enough; Jungwon vowed to never draw another heart ever again after that, spending what felt like hours to satisfy Heeseung and his inability to draw a simple heart.

He also didn’t have to get a haircut, and he also most definitely didn’t have to invade Jay’s apartment and try every single one of his perfumes; but he did.

Today, Heeseung was a man on a mission - and he was determined to execute his plan perfectly, even if it meant annoying his friends to the point where he was no longer allowed to visit Jay, like, ever again.

At least he smelled good, he thought, which totally made his new prohibition worth it.

‘’You’re making me feel bad now,’’ You chuckled as Heeseung handed you the flowers accompanied by the card, a smile spreading on his lips as he watched you admire the bouquet of flowers. Maybe spending an hour in the flower shop was worth it, after all. ‘’If I would’ve known we were spending valentine’s day the traditional way, I would’ve gotten you something too.’’

Well, you weren’t planning on confessing your undying love to your best friend today, were you?

But Heeseung was, and one thing was for sure - if he was going to do it, he was going to do it the proper way.

A chuckle emerged from the back of the taller boy’s throat, shoving his hands down the front pockets of his pants. ‘’Don’t worry about it, who would I be if I didn’t spoil you today?’’ The warm smile you flashed him upon hearing his words caused the smile on his lips to widen, the red color still lingering on your cheeks.

‘’A shitty best friend.’’

Oh.

Right.

Best friend. Almost like someone had dragged him out of a dream, he was painfully reminded of the fact that he was still only your best friend; and that you only saw this as two best friends spending valentines day together because you were both single and lonely; not because you were secretly in love with him and were planning on confessing your feelings, unlike Heeseung.

You must’ve noticed the way his smile dropped as the words left your lips, causing your own smile to fade as you playfully hit him in the shoulder. ‘’I’m just kidding,’’ You let out, worried that you had accidentally hurt his feelings, ‘’I was referring to myself, for you know, not getting you anything,’’

Heeseung could hear the worry lingering behind your words, clearing his throat before forcing a chuckle to leave his lips, deciding that he didn’t have time for the sudden ache in his heart. Not right now, not when he was on a very important mission. 

‘’I know, and you truly are the worst for not getting me anything.’’ He pouted, the ache in his heart slowly fading away as a playful smile once again formed on your lips.

He wasn’t exactly sure when he realized he had developed feelings for you, feelings other than the friendly feelings that came with being your best friend - but one thing was for sure, at one point he had fallen for you; and he had fallen hard.

Maybe it was that one time when he helped tutor you for one of your upcoming exams, and when you had thrown yourself in his arms when you got the highest score possible; your perfume invading his senses as he felt you tangle your limbs together with his own.

Or maybe it was that one time when you got a little too close while fixing his hair, your soft fingertips grazing across the skin covering his forehead; your eyebrows furrowed and he, for the first time ever, felt the urge to press his lips against your own.

Heeseung wasn’t sure, no matter how hard he had thought about it; spending countless of sleepless nights in the darkness of his room, trying to calm his racing heart down as tried to decipher the feelings he felt towards what was supposed to be his best friend - only to realize it didn’t really matter. 

Because at the end of the day, after many nights of contemplating what to do with his newfound feelings, he realized there was nothing he could do. 

There was nothing he could do, besides embracing it, of course.

And what better day was there to fully embrace it and confess, if not on valentines day?

For that very reason, Heeseung decided that today was the day he was going to confess; no matter what.

An entire day later, eight hours to be exact - And Heeseung had yet to confess.

After an entire day, an entire day spent on taking you to every picture worthy place in town before taking you to the fanciest restaurant he knew - even getting you the necklace he knew you had wanted since forever; he found himself standing outside your front door once again, just like he had done eight hours prior.

The only difference was that the morning sun was now nowhere to be seen and dark skies had replaced the previously blue sky, the dim streetlights lighting up the street leading to your apartment. Other than that, it was like nothing had changed; the warm smile only our lips still remained, even eight hours later when the sun had faded long ago.

Heeseung’s confession also remained.

He had tried, he had tried so hard; throughout the whole day, he had waited for the perfect opportunity to execute the plan he and Jake had thoroughly planned, the plan which he couldn’t even remember at this point.

No, the plan he had spent so much time perfecting went out the window the second he realized it wouldn’t be as easy as he had originally anticipated.

His first attempt failed miserably, and it was probably his own fault; he should’ve known trying to confess in the middle of a busy park with a bunch of other couples around wouldn’t work. Especially when you were so busy forcing him to feed the ducks waddling around, laughing at him when he’d get scared whenever they got too close.

So he resorted to his second option, confessing over dinner.

And it probably would’ve worked, if he hadn’t picked the one restaurant everyone else also seemed to deem perfect for a romantic dinner. 

Heeseung knew that if he was going to confess, it had to be perfect. There had to be absolutely nothing that could possibly ruin it for him, hence the perfectly decorated table that he had booked in advance for the two of you; and it probably would’ve been the perfect way to confess, but almost like the universe was screaming at him not to do it - the thought of you possibly rejecting him and embarrassing him in front of a fully seated restaurant caused a sour taste to fill his mouth.

So he decided he’d have to do it later.

Later, however, never came around; and suddenly, he was back, standing outside of your front door - yet to confess.

‘’I probably should’ve brought gloves,’’ You chuckled, rubbing your hands together in an attempt to warm yourself up, the cold February air engulfing the two of you. ‘’I did offer you my coat,’’ Heeseung scolded you, shaking his head as he watched you try to warm yourself up. Another chuckle trailed off your lips upon hearing his words, tearing your eyes off your hands.

‘’And let you freeze to death? No thanks,’’ You let out, cocking an eyebrow at the boy standing in front of you; causing him to roll his eyes in response. ‘’I wouldn’t have died, perhaps I would’ve caught a cold, but I definitely wouldn’t have died.’’ He let out, causing you to shake your head as a small smile formed on your lips.

A short silence followed his words, Heeseung shoving his hands further down the pockets of his jeans as he awkwardly tried avoiding your gaze.

Was he supposed to do it here, right now?

‘’Thank you,’’ You softly let out, breaking the silence; causing Heeseung’s eyes to land on your figure once more. ‘’For today.’’ A small smile formed on Heeseung’s lips, shaking his head. ‘’No, thank you,’’ He let out, ‘’For making me feel less lonely.’’ A laugh trailed off your lips at his remark about all the couples you had seen today, causing Heeseung’s smile to widen; his gaze landing on your cheeks, your skin red from the cold and your eyes glistering as you looked up at him.

‘’I had an amazing time, Heeseung.’’ Heeseung’s lips parted like he was about to say something, your soft voice almost causing his heart to burst out of his chest; the small smile on his lips remaining. ‘’And so did I, Y/N.’’ He responded after a moment of silence, watching as your smile widened.

Another short silence engulfed the both of you, and Heeseung wondered if he should've just bent down and kissed you right there and then.

‘’I should probably get inside,’’

Your words caused Heeseung’s eyes to widen. You couldn’t leave, not yet, not when he hadn’t confessed yet.

‘’Wait,’’ His words were quick and sharp, his hand suddenly wrapping around your wrist to prevent you from leaving; your eyes wide as your gaze darted between the grip he had around your wrist and his face. Heeseung pressed his lips together, mentally slapping himself across the face for ruining his perfect plan of confessing.

‘’I have something to tell you before you go.’’

As soon as the words left his lips, he wanted to sink through the ground. This was nothing like what he had pictured in his head, no, this was nothing like the romantic way he had originally thought of. You were supposed to be seated in front of him, with your hands in his as he confesses his love for you; not standing in front of your front door, in the cold, with his hand wrapped around your wrist.

Letting a sigh escape past his lips, he let go of your wrist as he ran one of his hands through his hair. ‘’I’m sorry, I know it’s rushed and I promise this wasn’t how I meant for it to go, but I just never had the chance to d-’’

Heeseung had completely missed the small smile that had formed on your lips as he began rambling, he also completely missed the way you took one step forward; it wasn’t until he felt you place one of your hands on the back of his neck and pulling his face towards your own, he realized how incredibly close you were.

He also wasn’t prepared for your lips to crash against his own, your soft lips pressing his rough ones; causing his eyes to widen. 

Were you actually kissing him?

You must’ve noticed the way he immediately froze, a giggle leaving your throat as you pulled away; making sure to stay close enough for him to feel your breath against his face. ‘’I was wondering when you’d do it,’’ You chuckled, ‘’But today, on valentines day? God, you really are a hopeless romantic.’’

Heeseung swore he had never felt so dumbfounded in his entire life. You knew? All this time, you knew and even felt the same way, without telling him? 

He just stared at you, his eyes wide and lips parted as you kept your hand on the nape of his neck; giggles leaving your lips at the state of the boy in front of you. ‘’You knew?’’ He managed to stutter out, causing you to nod in response. 

‘’Jake told me all about your little crush on me when he got drunk a few months back,’’

Of course, Jake had told you about the one thing he had swore not to tell you. 

‘’At Sunghoon’s birthday party?’’ Heeseung mumbled, recalling that you had left the party earlier to take care of a very drunk Jake; giving Jake the perfect opportunity to tell you all about how Heeseung was in love with you. You nodded in response once more, the smile on your lips only growing bigger. 

Pressing his lips into a thin line, he realized Jake and his big mouth while drunk was something he’d have to deal with later. 

‘’Well, this is embarrassing,’’ Heeseung mumbled, trying his best to ease the awkward atmosphere that was now swallowing him whole. 

You, however, seemed anything but embarrassed; maybe because your biggest secret hadn’t been revealed unbeknownst to you - unlike Heeseung. With a giggle leaving your lips once more, you used your other hand to grab onto the side of his face; forcing him to look at you.

‘’Well, you’re only making it more embarrassing by not kissing me back.’’

Heeseung didn’t even have time to process your words before he felt your soft lips press against this own once more, this time, however; he made sure to kiss you back. Placing one of his hands on the small of your back, he moved his lips in sync with yours. He suddenly felt your hand leave his face, only to wrap your arms around his neck in an attempt to pull in even closer which Heeseung happily obliged, feeling you smile into the kiss as he pulled you closer.

Maybe this wasn’t the ideal way of confessing, hell, he didn’t even get to confess - despite his perfect plan and months of planning it; he realized two things.

The first thing being with you in his arms and pecking his lips between giggles, he didn’t really need to confess. 

The second thing being that Jake would definitely be a dead man by the next time Heeseung saw him.

TAGLIST ! @axartia

© svnoo-s, 2023

[ariesmusingz]

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ╱    MANIC DREAM PIXIE SENTENCE STARTERS ( created using lyrics from peach prc's manic dream pixie ep. feel free to adjust to fit your muse. )

"i know your favourite pair of jeans"

"i'll lay them out when you leave"

"i'll make you breakfast, coffee black"

"receipts told me that you like that"

"i was thinking spring, silver wedding rings"

"i've picked out all our baby names"

"i'm kind of obsessed"

"you're kinda famous"

"don't wanna be friends"

"you're not a phase"

"i know you don't know me yet"

"my obsession know you well"

"take me out backstage"

"i know all the names of every song you played"

"one day you'll write about us too"

"i can be your muse when we say i do"

"you might love me if you knew me"

"you're gonna love me soon enough"

"you're gonna love me"

"i'm your biggest fan"

"can we go outside for a walk?"

"they told me you guys were hitting it off"

"she kissed me in the bathroom"

"it's just for attention"

"i'm making her jealous"

"you guessed it"

"i'm not a good friend but she doesn't know that"

"she's gonna hate me but i want you so bad"

"kiss me"

"i'm not scared if she's gone"

"i'm done tryna play it fair"

"i don't care"

"touch me"

"i'm alone"

"i want you on your own"

"she might want you but i do too"

"baby i'm perfect for you"

"harley had a party you were at"

"you were in boots and a cowboy hat"

"jenna said you knew my music"

"now i can't betray her"

"i'm in your sweater"

"don't wanna upset her"

"i can do what she can do so much better"

"i know it's been a while since you've seen me"

"i heard you're doing well now with your comedy"

"i reminisce nostalgic bits of 90s hits"

"we listened, do you miss it?"

"have you thought of it since?"

"if you still think of me, i'd love to meet for coffee"

"if i could just see your face, i'd look into your eyes"

"i hate your jokes and don't think you're funny"

"i hope you choke, go broke, lose your money"

"know that you were the worst forty five seconds i had in my life"

"i hope your conscious haunts you at night"

"fuck you and goodbye"

"a couple therapists are now familiar"

"by the way, i caught up with your ex"

"we shared regrets and most of them were sex with you"

"i'd sit down at your table and scream if i was able"

"thanks to you, gentle hands still resemble demands"

"loving lips on my mouth feel like currency now"

"thanks to you i fear kind"

"now i can't spend the night"

"i bet we were a couple bugs just living in the mud, happily in love doing bug stuff"

"i think i met you in a store in 1944"

"i probably wrote you letters while you went off to the war"

"we could have been two birds"

"now wouldn't that be so absurd?

"maybe just lost lovers that keep getting rediscovered"

"i think i loved you before back when we were dinosaurs"

"i wanna stay in love in this life and the next one"

"i think we've already met somewhere on another planet"

"i wanna stay in love in this life and the next one"

"i loved you before"

"i loved you"

"maybe you loved me on a trip, two pirates on a ship"

"counting all our gold as the boat tipped"

"could we have been there drinking win in medieval times?"

"forever just lost lovers that keep getting rediscovered"

"if i'm the sun and you're the moon"

"if it's over soon we'll go back through"

"i try not to compare a teenage love cause i know that isn't fair"

"why can't i just shut up?"

"i'm always going on about you when i'm drunk"

"i see your name in every numberplate"

"i tried to erase your fave but you're there everyday"

"you're my favourite person"

"i have created a version that hurts less"

"I had to tell myself you're toxic"

"better off cause you're the problem"

"really, i just couldn't take it"

"being hated by my favourite person"

"i tried to fall but i can't cause they're not you"

"i hate that i'll never stop thinking that we're not still home growing up"

"i hear your tropes in all my stupid jokes"

"i'm starting to lose all hope of ever letting go"

"if the world was ending i know i'd be spending my last day pretending we were fine"

"when we both grow old with families of our own"

"i'll probably always go back in my mind"

"someone kissed my closing eyelinds"

"i made it mean more than it did"

"someone put a plate down a little too loud"

"now i still flinch whenever i hear the sound"

"as i'm getting older, i learned my mumma was just trying her best"

"not that i owe her forgiveness but i'm sorry to that girl in a dress"

"if you wanna wear pink, i'll wear it for you"

"if you wanna dance then i'll strap up my shoes"

"if you wanna sing then consider it sung"

"i'm sorry that you had to grown up this young"

"forget that love is earned cause it was always deserved"

"i know you had to work hard just to show them your worth"

"remember that a plate is nothing but a plate"

"even if it breaks, we can throw it away"

"i learned that i was only trying my best"

"i think i owe her a deep breath"

"she was the strongest little girl in a dress"

"you were the strongest little fighter who carried me here"

"i know that you're tired from surviving in fear"

"now i got us for the rest of our life"

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Well, it's been a whirlwind few days! Thursday I went on the weekly phenology walk at Audubon Trails Nature Center in Rolla, MO. It's the last one of the year, and we were seeing if there were still any wildflowers in bloom in spite of the freeze a few nights before. We did find a scant few Asteraceae with open flowers, but for the most part everything was done for the year. It was a really good experience getting to wander the trails with someone who knows the local flora really well; I'm still playing catch-up on learning (and remembering) native prairie plants in this area, and since they happen every Thursday morning during the growing season, I'm going to make sure and attend whenever I'm in town.

Thursday afternoon I officially taught my first in-person class in Rolla with my basic mushroom foraging intro at the Rolla Public Library. I checked out SO MANY BOOKS from that library as a kid, and so it was basically coming full circle to be able to teach there. I had an awesome audience that packed the room, got some great questions, and really appreciated the support that library staff gave me throughout the entire process. I'm already brainstorming what I want to teach when I head back to this area next spring.

Friday I got to spend immersed in planty goodness at the Missouri Botanical Symposium. I had actually registered last year but ended up not feeling good at the last moment so I had to miss out. Totally worth the entire trip this year, though! There were some really great talks (I especially enjoyed the one on the interplay of geology and plant life in Missouri karst fens), and I even made some good connections and new friends! I am SUCH an introvert that it can be tough for me to go around introducing myself in a room where I don't know anyone, but luckily a friendly extrovert latched onto me and helped me meet some really cool people. (Also, pro tip: having art supplies out and in use makes for a great conversation starter, and if you bring enough for others to use you can have a little science illustration party at your table!)

Saturday I peeled myself out of bed early yet again for a very good reason--I got to lead a lichen hike at Audubon Trails! It sort of felt like cramming for a test because while the basic biology of lichens is the same everywhere, I'm not as familiar with local species here as I am back home in the PNW. So I visited the site a few times on this visit to look for cool lichens and try to get them down to at least a genus level, if not species. Again, really great turnout for the hike--people were having a great time, lots of excellent questions and discoveries along the way. And there were two kids from the Rolla Outdoor Collaborative School on site who were not only THE best guides to the trails there, but they found and showed off some cool stuff (including lichens, AND fuzzy oak galls!) The next generation of naturalists is already well on their way to helping others connect with the great outdoors, which does my heart good.

I gotta start driving back west tomorrow; I have classes in Portland next weekend. So today is being lazy, doing laundry, and helping my folks with a few more things around the house. It's been another great visit here, though, and I'm already making plans for next year. I'm going to try to schedule a couple of classes along the way for my spring trip; since I'll likely be taking I-70 since 80 is sketchy even in April, I'm probably looking at Salt Lake City and Denver for venues. I'm open to suggestions if anyone knows of a bookstore, library, nature center, or similar who might like to host a wandering naturalist infodumping about ecology for a couple of hours!

[atlas-library]

MINT CHOCOLATE ┅ hasegawa langa．（001）

FANDOM．sk8 the infinity. UNIVERSE．canon, mint chocolate. CHARACTERS．hasegawa langa (amab!langa), kyan reki (amab!reki). PAIRING．renga (kyan reki x hasegawa langa). PROMPT．langa thinks about love during valentine's day. CONTENT WARNING．small queerphobia being implied (only for a sentence, though). WORDCOUNT．600.

AUTHOR'S NOTE．here is the starter to a thread that never came to be, from early 2022. i might turn it into an actual series if people like it, so feel free to let me know if you’d like more!

EMOTION /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ noun [c or u] a strong feeling such as love or anger, or strong feelings in general.

LANGA KNOWS HOW TO TRANSLATE IT IN JAPANESE：感情（かんじょう）, KANJŌ．emotion is something the young man has always felt, like everyone else; it would appear whenever he’d find himself thinking about his family and friends, riding his skateboard, and spending time with reki.

〝you guys might as well marry each other, huh?!〞his classmates would laugh while patting his back; silly jokes langa didn’t understand at first— and this time, it wasn’t because of the language barrier.

〝i didn’t know gay marriage was also a thing here,〞he’d naively reply, staring at the formerly-white ceiling now covered in dead flies and funny drawings.

it’d earn him surprised gasps, his classmates rushing to his side to ask more about canada and langa’s western beliefs.

〝yo, we were kiddin’! gay marriage?〞they’d promptly ask with stars in their eyes, japanese teenagers who never got the chance to travel and expand their horizons, already too fascinated by langa’s mixed roots to even think of same-sex relationships.

those were fantasies made by and for women, only seen in mangas and dramas, a taboo no one cared to talk about— don’t think anything of it, judge them without understanding, move on.

LANGA TAUGHT HIS CLASSMATES ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE, TELLING THEM ABOUT CANADIAN LAWS AND THE PRIDE；some of them had already heard of the event, the rainbow-coloured month, the cheers and kisses lost between couples from all horizons. when talking about men, the girls were the most eager; when talking about women, the boys were the most eager.

when talking about reki, langa was the most eager.

〝so wait— if you could,〞they’d ask with confused looks,〝would you marry reki? like, for real?〞

it wouldn’t take long for langa to reply:

〝yes, we’re friends.〞

it’d earn him desperate sighs.

LANGA DOESN’T LIKE TO THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT STUFF：life doesn’t need to be complicated. all he needs to do is embrace every part of it, and let emotion come and go.

reki and him are friends; it’s as simple as that. langa likes reki, reki likes langa.

langa doesn’t like complicated things: he’d marry reki because he’d marry a friend, and his father always told him he had married his best friend— langa’s mom. it doesn’t need to be romantic, it doesn’t need to be platonic; it doesn’t need to be anything, except them loving each other and being happy together. it’s probably too simple for his classmates’ minds, but langa finds it complicated enough already. life doesn’t need to get even more complicated.

〝i’ve seen a new trick on youtube last night,〞langa hums as he walks to his locker with reki beside him. he mindlessly unlocks it, his blue bangs framing his pale face, and pulls the door towards him,〝do you think you could teach m—〞

langa can’t finish his sentence: an avalanche of paper falls on him, burying him and making him unable to see for long seconds. He’s buried in letters and heart-shaped boxes.

right, he thinks to himself, valentine’s day is a thing here as well.

the young man wiggles his body like a worm to get his head out of the unbelievably large amount of presents, then looks around: lots of boxes equals lots of chocolates. his stomach groans happily at the thought.

〝do you like white chocolate? oh, there’s mint too!〞his body still buried in the avalanche, he looks around then up to reki with a smile on his lips, ready to share with him.

CREDITS．the stars divider belongs to @/saradika. the support banner belongs to @/benkeibear. the stars and dots divider belong to @/cafekitsune.

© atlas-library on tumblr. do not copy, repost or alter my works. do not translate my works without consent.

[classicjalopy]

2024 Fleet Update

Another year has passed, so time for an update on what is going on with each of the cars I own.   Like last year, I will cover the highlights and lowlights for each car, major work performed, how much I drove them and any plans for the future. As with 2023, I drove my fleet of classics around 18,000km and suffered no breakdowns.   Classics need regular use and life is far too short to drive a boring modern car.   The cars are listed below in order of roughly how many kilometers I traveled this year. Highlights and Lowlights The two car highlight of the year were 'The Long Way Euround' - my big road trip to Victoria, and my family road trip to Tasmania.  I took the 450SLC on the Long Way Euround and put almost 4,000km on the car. The Tasmania trip was in the 300TE.  I didn't really have any major lowlights this year - some repairs were more expensive than I would have liked, but most of the work I had to do was general maintenance.   I had a couple of annoying issues that meant certain cars were waiting for repairs at various times, but nothing major. Fleet Changes Only one change this year, the addition of my 1981 Mercedes 240D.  The 240D was not a planned purchase, but it was such a nice original car, that I could not say no to it.  It is my first W123 diesel and I now understand why these are such a cult car.  I didn't sell any cars. Fleet Stats The average age of my cars is 46.7 having owned each car for an average of 9 and a half years.    The oldest car is my 1965 Jaguar E-Type, built September 1965, and the youngest is the 1990 300TE.    I attended 17 car club events this year, the majority being the monthly MBCNSW night drives. 1977 Mercedes 450SLC It as a big year for my 1977 Mercedes 450SLC.   I had a lot of Mechanical work done on the car, to prepare it for the Long Way Euround.   Early in the year I took the car on a family road trip to Canberra, before having the timing chain, guides, tensioner, and vale stem seals replaced.   That cured the problem the car had with fouling #1 spark plug. I replaced the under bonnet insulation, before having the front suspension rebuilt and an upgraded A/C condenser fitted.   Finally after so many years the car has cold A/C on hot days.   The biggest highlight was the Long Way Euround, my 3,900km road trip through Victoria.   The car performed admirably, especially on the twisty sections.   Just before the end of the year, I had a few issues fixed that cropped up on the road trip, including a leaking A/C hose, a broken handbrake spring and the starter replaced. - KM Driven: 5,700km - KM on Odometer: 318,000km - Spend Level: Very High - Availability: Good - Highlight: The Long Way Euround - Lowlight: Uses more oil than I would like after vale seals replaced. - Ownership:  21 yrs / 56,000km - Work this year: Timing chain and valve stem seals, Under bonnet insulation, A/C upgrade and and front suspension rebuild, post road trip repairs. - Plan for 2025:  Replace the rear speaker covers with 3D printed covers that look factory but are slightly larger.

1990 Mercedes 300TE The 300TE plays the role of a family car more than anything else I own.   Instead of taking my wife's modern car, I took the 300TE on our family trip to Tasmania, and it did great.   I far prefer driving the W124 to the S211 and it was just as fuel efficient.   The blower motor started making more noise on the trip, but only failed on the very last day. Replacement was a bit of a pain as the first one I purchased didn't fit.   I also have seen a couple of issues with the new starter running on.   The next issue to tackle is replacing the tailgate wiring harness.   None of the electrics in the tailgate are working anymore, and I suspect the ground wire is broken.   It looks like a rather painful job. - KM Driven: 4,300 - KM on Odometer: 383,500km - Spend Level: Low - Availability: Good - was off the road for around six weeks changing the blower motor. - Highlight:  Taking the car on a family road trip to Tasmania. - Lowlight:  The whole saga replacing the blower motor was a pain in the neck, and I've had strange issues with the starter. - Ownership: 2 yrs / 8,700km - Work this year: Replacing the blower motor. (part 1, part 2) - Plan for 2025: Replace the tailgate wiring harness.

1987 Mercedes 560SEC 2024 was an uneventful year for the 560SEC.  I ended up using the car a fair bit, putting on 2,400km.   This included a bunch of club events including a trip down to Canberra for the ACT Concours and some good drives.  Of the five W126's I've owned, I've now owned this one longer and put more km on it than any of the others.   The only mechanical work was quite minor - repainting the battery tray and replacing the viscous fan coupling. - KM Driven: 2,400 - KM on Odometer: 176,000mi (283,000km) - Spend Level: Low - Availability: Excellent - Highlight:  Day road trip & ACT Concours Event. - Lowlight:  None. - Ownership: 6 yrs, 19,000km - Work this year: Painted the battery tray and replaced the viscous fan coupling. - Plan for 2025: Nothing specific.

1987 Mercedes 560SEL I didn't drive the 560SEL as much as normal in the first part of the year.  The first reason was the drivers window was stuck down and it took me a while to fix it.  I assumed it would be a regulator and it turned out to be the motor.   Next the odometer stopped working.  As a rule I prefer not to drive a car where the odometer is not working, so I had to wait for the parts to arrive and then repair it. In the second half of the year, I took the car on a few night drives, and on Youngtimer Sacco day. - KM Driven: 2,000 - KM on Odometer: 342,000km - Spend Level: Medium - Availability: Medium - Highlight:  Youngtimer Sacco Day - Lowlight:  Minor issues preventing me from driving the car. - Ownership:  5 yrs, 15,000km - Work this year: Drivers side window motor, odometer and uprated AC Condenser - Plan for 2025: There is a very minor coolant leak that I need to trace and fix. Plus the windscreen washer is not working.   At some point I want to fix the rear reclining seat too.

1965 Mercedes 250SE Cabriolet After all the work last year, the 250SE was generally running quite well.   I took it on a road trip to Canberra for the 2024 Wheels car show.   During the drive to Canberra I noticed how bad the ride had become, so invested in a new set of tyres.  One of the belts had started to separate internally, and the new set made a big difference.  I also had an oil leak from the heat exchanger fixed.   The the second half of the year I started to notice a lot of vibration from the power steering.  Turned it it was a broken bolt holding the pump on. I also installed a repaired Becker Grand Prix Stereo.  It is a later (1974) DIN size radio as my dash has been cut, but I have used the smaller knobs so it is not so apparent.   I'm very happy with how it looks and works. As usual I displayed the car at the Sydney German Auto show. - KM Driven: 1,200 - Spend Level: Medium - Availability: Very good. - Highlight:  Road trip to Canberra - Lowlight:  None - Ownership:  13 yrs, 15,000km - Work this year: New tyres, Becker Radio installed,  Heat exchanger repaired and power steering bolt. - Plan for 2025: At some point I need to have the cover for the soft top repaired.   A couple of the studs have come off.

1981 Mercedes 240D The 240D was an unplanned purchase, but I am delighted with the car.   The 240D is a great example of not listening to people on the internet, as all the claims about how they are dangerously slow are total nonsense.  It is not a fast car by any means but it is a really enjoyable car to drive around the city.   There is something to be said for a very simple classic. I've owned three W123s in my life, a 230E, a 280CE and now this one.  I think this is my favorite of the three, but I have other cars to drive if I want something with a bit more power. - KM Driven: 1,000 - KM on Odometer: 188,500km - Spend Level: Medium - Availability: Average - Highlight:  How good this car is having bought it sight unseen. - Lowlight:  Nobody got a good photo of the 240D doing a lap of eastern creek raceway. - Ownership:  8 months, 1,000km - Work this year: Motor mounts and A/C regas, under bonnet insulation, radio repair, algae in the fuel tank (part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7). - Plan for 2025: Take the car on its first road trip and re-install the original radio with hidden Bluetooth module.  Prepare the car for the 2026 W123 event.

1970 Citroen DS21 BVH It was a fairly uneventful year for the DS.   With its four cylinder engine and comfortable suspension, it is a great car for driving around on local trips on Sydney's bad roads.   I used it for a lot of drives like this, especially in the cooler months.   I also took it to a couple of cars and coffee events.   In 2025 I will need to look at replacing the rubber rail around the inner roof rail, as it has cracked and keeps falling down. I had planned to display it at the All French Day which was cancelled twice.   The council is over sensitive to weather. - KM Driven: 800 - Spend Level: Negligible - Availability: Excellent - Highlight:  No mechanical issues. - Lowlight:  All French day being cancelled twice. - Ownership:  12 yrs, 12,000km - Work this year: None - Plan for 2025: Replace the rubber trim around the roof rail.

1965 Jaguar E-Type Series 1 It was a bit of a frustrating year with the E-Type.  It was quite a wet year here in Sydney, and every time I planned to get the E-Type down from the hoist where it is stored, it was either raining or about to rain.   Based on that, I didn't use it nearly as much as I planned. I even took it on a Mercedes Club night drive as the weather was good and it was an opportunity to use the car. The only mechanical issue I had was a leak from the brake system.   Luckily the car has non-corrosive brake fluid as it dripped onto the 240D.  There is some very minor noise that appears to be coming from the throwout bearing, so at some point a clutch job is likely required, which is engine out on the E-Type. - KM Driven: 400 - Spend Level: Low - Availability: Very Good. - Highlight:  British Car Show - Lowlight:  Bad weather prevented me from driving the car. - Ownership:  14 yrs, 13,500km - Work this year: Leaks in the brakes repaired. - Plan for 2025: At some point the E-Type will probably need a clutch job.

Read the full article

[ickybby]

@heirloomeds asked “Spread your legs and finger yourself. Look me in the eyes so I can see your pleasure.” (dakota to lexi 🩷)

sexual humiliation starters ♡

alexis has yet to have anyone spend the night at her apartment. heartbreak inspires relocation, and the bustle of her burlesque career keeps her plenty busy. that, and the mix of technique, strengthening classes, and impromptu crafting sessions whenever she needs a new prop or costume for a show. tonight’s performance is the most intimate show alexis has ever been a part of. mainly because in every performance she’s done thus far, she’s never truly connected with anyone the way she has with the sole member of her audience. no one gets to see her like koda does. but it makes sense. her situationships don't last long enough to shift into relationship territory. tonight is certainly venturing into the unexplored. earlier during the week, dakota caught her absentmindedly bitching about stressors she's up against. queue to a couple of days later when he's picking her up after a particularly rough show. they don't plan on seeing each other that day either. she's further caught off guard when he asks with his boyish grin if he can make her dinner after asking if she's fed herself recently and hearing she hadn't and wasn't willing until after she collapsed in her bed for a few hours.

lex finds that she doesn't think twice about saying yes. she doesn't hesitate to throw on an oversized tee and nothing else to nap on her couch and eagerly delights in the delicious-tasting pasta he wakes her up with. there's not even a pause in the flow of things until half of a wine bottle disappears between them amidst the good conversation and good company. the pause in the air after she asks if he's spending the night isn't long by any means, a drop in the ocean of time. but lex still flushes with a color not even the wine brought out in her until she gets her answer. they leave the wine glasses on her kitchen table in favor of making out on the couch until she's soaking wet, essentially riding his thigh until his hands steady her hips with a bruising grip to demand her attention. she is easily distractable, after all. lex slides off his lap, backing up on the couch to better position herself for him. "so sorry about the body glitter, baby. 'second you press up against me it'll stay with you forever. don't say i didn't warn you," aside from that, his order is met with eagerness. she loses the shirt, and playfully tosses it his way so he can get a better view of her curves and her juicy cunt as her shapely legs part. an arm hooks around a flexible thigh, lewdly baring her plump pussy. a single digit from her other hand trails down her slit, languid on their path back up again. the pad of her finger finds her clit, wet from the arousal now seeping down her thighs. soft lips part with softer whines as she rubs circles around the sensitive bud. once, twice, three times for good measure before plunging the same finger inside herself to the second knuckle. digit hooks upwards, pressing against warm, ribbed walls. teasing that particular spot in her body forces her to break eye contact briefly, eyes fluttering upwards as the first real moan slips out of her.

[shocymer]

Look At Me

Pairing : Yunho x gn!reader

Contents : Fluff, yunho soft hours

Word counts : 0.5k

Summary : Enjoying the night ride and stargazing with your (maybe no longer) bestfriend.

A/N :  My first fanfic inspired by this tiktok edit and ofc Yunho boyfriend photos. I initially want it as smut but I decided going soft ff as my starter. I hope everyone enjoy this ♡

You sit on the grass field in the middle of the night as you waiting your bestfriend grabbing the snacks from his car. He took a little run towards you with a beaming smile on his face.

“Here you go,” he hand in yours.

“Thanks Yunho,” you smile back at him as you reach it.

Both of you enjoying the night view, after a couple of hours from the night ride. It’s almost a month you can’t see each other. He’s been busy from his study and so did you trying to convince yourself for the same reason. You missed him so bad, to the point you keep seeing him in your dream for the last few days before you meet him today.

You take out your phone scrolling through the picture you’ve taken together. Suddenly he takes away the phone,

“Hey remember the rule number one when we hang out,” he click the lockscreen button.

“Yeah.. yeah phone is prohibited. But- ”

Before you spurt some protest you hear shutter sound along the camera flashing to you. He laughs as he wait the polaroid result.

“Yunho!” You smack his arm gently.

He keep laughing while trying to dodge you. He wipes a little tears at the corner of his eyes.

“I love taking candid pictures of you,” he showed you the polaroid.

You frowned after you look at it, resulting yunho being smacked again. He keep laughing then pulling you into his arms and both of you end up laying on the ground. Putting his soft smile toward you, he’s staring into your eyes. A few strands of his hair falling on his face.

Staring back at him, you're keeping the urge not to reach those fluffy hair. Shaking your head a bit then you looking up to the sky. He touched your chin gently,

“I’m not done yet. Look at me.”

Your cheeks growing warm by his action, and you really hate this feeling. You’ve been friends with him since the middle school. And what scare you the most is your friendship gonna crumble anytime if you show any slightest feeling towards him. He notice that you lost in his eyes,

“overthinking again?” He snapped you back to the reality.

“Uh no. I-  Aren’t you bored? We almost spend the entire night together, and..”

He raised one of his eyebrow,

“and?”

“You keep looking at me,” spurting nonsense that you’re gonna regret later.

He let out small chuckles while he plays your hair by twirling it gently,

“why would I? I never get bored whenever I’m with you. Especially looking at you is quite amusing,” you can see his playful smile across his face.

You scoffed, darting your eyes to another direction where it won’t land to his.

“Here here, you never look at me properly instead,” he flicked your forehead.

“Ouch, why would I?” You mocking him back.

Both of you laughing, spend the rest of night stargazing till the dawn. Resting your head on his arm. Warm in his embrace despite being in the open space. Little did you know, he keeps his feeling the same. He likes you more than just a friend.

[denimbex1986]

'...Blunt is now 40 and the biggest British female movie star of her generation: currently pipping Knightley and Mulligan; a natural successor to Weisz and Winslet. You can trace the lineage back further – some Dench deprecation, a little Mirren wither. A very shredded Maggie Smith.

In her new movie, she plays another early starter. Kitty Puening was a botanist and one-time US Communist party campaigner who had four husbands before she was 30, the last of whom was Robert Oppenheimer, the so-called father of the atomic bomb.

Christopher Nolan’s huge and chewy new drama shows how Kitty sustained Robert through his development of the weapon in remotest New Mexico and during a later campaign to smear him for espionage. Yet she was far from your cookie-cutter supportive spouse (sample line: “The brat is down! Where are the martinis?”).

“There was something flighty and wild and nonconformist about her,” says Blunt. “It was a time where contortions were happening to women, as they tried to kind of mould themselves into perfect housewives. But Kitty was a terrible mother and she wasn’t a very good housewife – and had no desire to be one.”

Simmering in a pinny was a fate shared by “a lot of women with great minds – that brilliant brain gone to waste at the ironing board. I know so many women of a certain age who are angry at their lives being defined by being someone’s mummy or someone’s wife. And I have empathy for that. It’s OK that that’s not enough for them.”

Blunt is speaking over video, two miles down the road. It is the final day of the Oppenheimer press tour; in fact, it is the final day of press for actors in the Sag-Aftra union for the foreseeable. The air is hectic, the schedule scrambled. The premiere that evening has been moved forward an hour so its cast can walk the red carpet without crossing a picket line.

She is pro-strike: “I am a big believer in unions getting exactly what they want.” She is also pro-resolution: “I’m a huge believer in getting our crews back to work – the people who will suffer most.” For Blunt, the industrial action is also quite well timed. A few weeks ago, she mentioned in a podcast that she was taking a year off to spend with her daughters, Hazel, nine, and Violet, six, and her husband, the actor and film‑maker John Krasinski. Actually, she says, that has been overplayed: “I’m not quitting Hollywood. It’s OK, guys. Just taking a little bit of downtime.”

But she does want to make the most of motherhood before they are teenagers – “I adore babies and children” – a feeling channelled into recent hits such as the Mary Poppins sequel and two Quiet Place thrillers. Kitty, meanwhile, according to Oppenheimer’s biography, “had absolutely no intuitive understanding of children”. There are multiple scenes of her being frosty towards inconsolable tots. Particularly stressful to shoot was one showing the couple driving home with their two-year-old, Peter. The young actor was “distraught, kicking off, screaming, so clingy with his mum, just exhausted. Snot pouring out of his nose.” As the cameras reloaded, Blunt sang him to sleep. They did four further takes, with the child conked out in her arms. Nolan chose the first version, “where I looked like the worst mother in the world”.

Over the phone, he grins at the memory: “It was hard. Emily is an amazing mother and made this child feel immediately so comfortable and loved. I’m not sure Kitty shared that.” In fact, his film blunts Kitty’s claws. According to the book, she left both babies with friends for months. Oppenheimer died alone because his wife found his final-hours regression to infancy “pitiful”.

“Just horrific,” says Blunt. “She was pretty ruthless in so many ways. She worshipped Robert, but also really called him on all his shit.” Still, Blunt gamely attempts empathy. Perhaps some people are just allergic to weakness? And don’t label Kitty an alcoholic: surviving on cigarettes and martinis at Los Alamos was understandable, she says. Plus, Robert’s genius got him a free pass denied to his wife. His gender, too? “Yes, I think so. I wonder what the world would feel if it was Kitty Oppenheimer who created this bomb.”

When he was writing the film, says Nolan, “I thought about running away from Kitty. She is a frightening character.” He recruited Blunt to “humanise” her, then was surprised how keenly she embraced Kitty’s worst angles: “No vanity, no fear of humiliation, no wanting to control the way she would appear.”...

In Oppenheimer, Kitty attacks Robert for being “so fucking gentlemanly”. Are women, broadly speaking, more forthright? Yes, says Blunt, “but I could equally generalise and say a lot of women tend to try to dance around things because we’re not often given a platform to speak honestly. Or you’re considered too ambitious or emotional if someone appears to be speaking their mind with spirited opinion.”

Kitty was revolted by her husband’s desperation to atone for his sins. “She just wanted him to own it. You see that explosion of frustration and rage start to build. I remember Chris saying to me: ‘She’s wild, she’s unpredictable, the drinking is now out of control, but she’s right!’ And she was always right, and she knew it.’”

Blunt likes righteous anger. She is great at flashing eyes and squashed small talk. “I’m always really awestruck by people who are so completely comfortable in their own skin and uncompromisingly own who they are,” she says. “People for whom there’s nothing blurry about their conviction of themselves.”

Kitty’s husband may have been the flakier half of the marriage, yet it was he who was elevated to role of quasi-messiah, with acolytes to wow and, sometimes, exploit. Has anyone ever captivated Blunt like that? She thinks for a few seconds. Nolan, she says – inevitably, but convincingly: “I’ve never met anyone as authoritative. When he walks in, the air changes in the room.” (He is duly flattered: “You want to be held in high regard by Emily. Her opinion matters.”)...

There is a great line in the film, in which Oppenheimer tells a friend that only a fool or an adolescent would presume to understand someone else’s relationship. Today, you could add to that number every consumer of celebrity news. Blunt’s relationships – with her husband and with her ex-boyfriend Michael Bublé – have been picked over by strangers for two decades. “I have always tried to see speculation as white noise,” she says. “I’m not always successful. Sometimes it’s going to permeate.” Her policy now is resignation. “I remember someone saying to me years ago: how you relate to the issue is the issue.”

Things beyond her control are less reconcilable. “I am very easily overwhelmed by the idea of the vastness of the never-ending universe,” she says. Contemplating black holes “would be the depths of hell”. She is shaky on the nuclear physics casually strewn through the movie – and uneasy about more recent technological advances: “AI unnerves me. It’s human nature to propulsively want to keep inventing new things. But do we have to put into action everything that we create? Does it better us? Or does it really start to eviscerate what it is to be human?”

She leans back on the bed in her hotel room. “Sometimes I’m like: oh my God, I’m such a dusty old fart about this stuff. But I can’t wrap my head around how beneficial it will be to us, as people, in our souls.”...'

[movierentals]

"if they go down, i go down, isn't that right? i wouldn't want the whole world knowing i'm as big of a fruitcake as you are." in reality, anna lived her lie marginally better than luke did. he was reckless — always bringing a new man to these galas, always introducing him as a 'friend' only to spend the night loudly yearning for his affection. his behavior had scared away many a suitor . . . in many ways, anna was the only person who accepted him for the neurotic mess he was. "aw, why not? the two of you have so much in common. for starters, you both love me. and isn't that the greatest reason of all?" still, as he spoke, his eyes scanned the room. as if he was looking for a lifeline, blissfully ignorant that one was standing right beside him. he was trapped in a prison of his own making, an inability to appreciate the good in his life or accept the most basic truths about himself. how anyone thought the two of them, commiserating in the corner without so much as laying a hand on each other, were a couple was beyond him. "god, you wouldn't last a day as a gay man. i think if you looked through my grindr messages you'd burst into flames on the spot . . . then again, the same thing would happen to me if i rented a u-haul and started watching carol on repeat. though i do pray that cate blanchett falls out of the sky to sweep you off your feet."

"but those run out, don't they? i mean, what can they do... sue you?" probably, and anna knew it. but it didn't mean she didn't want to hear about every last detail on how these weird, stuck up men were hiding in the dark with her best friend. rolling her eyes, anna drank the rest of a half empty cup, and grabbed another with a sneer. "i'm too busy getting my PHd to go to 'good' parties, lucas. besides, your sister would be a total cunt and we wouldn't last one day together." romantically, she couldn't handle someone just like her... but with luke? he was the only friend she needed. and the rumblings around their shared social group suggest the two were an item, which was fine by her. despite how obviously gay he was... and she wouldn't accept how gay she seemed, but there was that as well. "if it's anything like you, i would avoid it like the plague." and then she gagged at his description, wincing and almost admitting she was a lesbian right there and then. "please. stop using that word. i already can't hold down my dinner." cumshots. yuck.

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Some very late Ghost Halloween One Shots

(A/N: Hey there guys, gals, and non-binary pals! For starters, these are all going to be short, these are all going to be fluff, they're all going to be GN! Reader, let me know what I should call big posts like these with everyone. Secondly, Terzo isn't included in this because he's going to have his own separate fic that I plan on having up later tonight! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!)

Primo:

You looked over your costume in the mirror, an absolutely elated expression on your face. "I can't wait to show Papa." You say out loud to yourself. You knew Primo didn't really celebrate Halloween, but he was always more than supportive of you showing off your costume to him. You couldn't help but let out a little squeal when you heard the door to your and Primo's quarters opening, knowing it was time for him to come back from his office.

"Sweetheart, I thought you'd be waiting to show off your costume, where are you?" You walk into the main room and pose for him. "My darling, you look absolutely wonderful!" He looks you over, marveling at every detail of your costume, making you giggle at his attentiveness. "You did a wonderful job on your costume." He pulls you into a hug, placing a gentle kiss on the top of your head. "You're going out with the Ghouls tonight, yes?" You nod, he holds you gently by the shoulders, keeping you just far enough to make eye contact with you. "Have fun and be safe my darling, I'll try to be up when you get home." He smiles warmly at you.

"Primo, mi amore, why don't you come with me tonight, just for an hour or two." You'd always ask Primo if he would like to join you when you went out. Typically, after a long hard day, he would be too tired and 'wouldn't want to hold you back', so he never comes. But, for once, he looked like he was actually considering it. "Please Primo, I'll miss you if you stay home." You put on your most convincing pout.

"For you my darling absolutely," he looks at you excitedly, "my Papal Paint can even pass as my costume." You laugh and hold onto his arm, the two of you heading out to meet the Ghouls. "I love you honey."

"I love you more." You say with a sly smile.

"I love you most." He kisses your cheek, earning another small laugh from you. You absolutely adored the Halloween you got to spend with your Papa.

Secundo:

Every Halloween with Secundo was always a party, both literally and figuratively. Secundo was always placed in charge of the Abbey's Halloween party. If anyone was going to be able to get strippers, drugs, and alcohol it would be him. So, there you sat, in the middle of an absolute rager, sitting comfortably in Secundo's lap. "I think I'm going to hand the party planning over to Terzo next year."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" You tried to speak as clearly as possible over the loud music without absolutely screaming in his ear. "Papa, why don't we take this somewhere a little quieter." You say as you realize just how impossible it would be to have a conversation like this. You made your way to the one place hopefully no one was making out, hooking up, or doing drugs, Secundo's office. "You love planning your parties, why are you giving them up?"

"I... I just think I'd like to have a more domestic Halloween next year... with you." He beckons you closer, pulling you into his lap once more. "Next year I want the two of us to carve Pumpkins, to go apple picking, hand candy out to the trick or treaters."

You kiss his nose, "I think that sounds wonderful, hun. We can stay home and pretend to be an old married couple." He chuckles, kissing your forehead.

"Maybe we'll be married by then so we won't have to pretend." You exchange a short sweet kiss.

"Would you like to enjoy the rest of your last Halloween party my love?"

"Only if you'll be by my side darling."

Copia:

Since Copia was the active Papa this Halloween season you had been tasked with passing out candy to the children that visited the Abbey. You hummed contently as you packed up small goodie bags to fill up your bowl with. You couldn't help but smile at the feeling of his arms wrapping around your waist. He places a gentle kiss against your neck, "How can I help my love?" You hum, turning to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Did you finish putting up the outside decorations?" You can't help but laugh as he spins you around and pulls you to him, dancing you around the kitchen.

"Yes my darling, everything's put up, the lights are on, the skeletons and the jack o lanterns are out." You smile and sway with him, you always loved dancing with him. "You need help with the goodie bags, and then we just need to put our costumes on." You let out a happy sigh, holding him close.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" He chuckles, holding you tightly.

"You remind me every single day my darling, I love you." He smiles, allowing the two of you to finish up the goodie bags for the trick or treaters. You couldn't help but smile as you watched Copia hand out the bags to the children, he had such a way with kids, they all loved him. He stood and turned to look at you, a playful grin on his lips. "Now what is that look for?" He pulls you into his arms, leading you back inside.

"You're just such an amazing Papa." He smiles, kissing you on the forehead. You couldn't believe how lucky you were.

Sodo:

You pressed your back up against the heavy wooden door after you had made your way outside, a sigh of relief escaping your lips. The garden was silent aside from the muffled music blasting inside the Abbey A chill clung to your sweat dampened skin as you made your way further from the building, eventually finding yourself sitting on one of the many low walls around the flowerbeds. You had started your night with relatively high hopes, most of it thanks to you pre gaming with your friends. You were finally going to confess your feelings for Sodo tonight. You walked into the party with your head held high, your friends at your side. It was pretty easy to spot Sodo, he was almost always with Aether which made it pretty easy to find the two of them in a crowd. You managed to fight your way through the dance floor to get over to them. Sodo's eyes raked over your frame momentarily. "(Y/N)..." he starts, "you look stunning." His bright eyes locked with yours, every word in your vocabulary suddenly leaving your body. You stood frozen, searching for something, anything to say to him.

"I just wanted to say hi." You blurt out suddenly. "I was actually just about to step outside... take a break." You laugh nervously.

"What? You just got here!" He shouts over the music. "Why don't you stay and dance?"

"I'll come find you later." Without giving him time to respond, knowing he would somehow convince you to stay, you pushed through the crowd until you reached where you were sitting now.

"Hey," You jumped slightly at the sudden voice. Eyes darting up to find Sodo, tail darting from side to side. "Are you alright?" You nod. Sodo motions to the seat next to you, you signal it's okay for him to sit. He joins you on the wall. "You know, the things people like to say about me make me seem kind of scary. But, I promise, I'm not that bad. I feel like you get scared to talk to me sometimes. I'm not gonna flip out, man." You laugh at his exaggerated hand movements as he explains himself. His eyes kept searching around your face, looking anywhere but your eyes.

"You're cute when you're nervous." You blush as the statement leaves your mouth. "I'm sorry-"

"Don't be." He smiles gently at you. You shiver as the wind picks up. Sodo moves in to wrap an arm around you, "may I?" You nod, his body melding into yours, instantly warming you. Being a fire ghoul definitely had its perks. He held you against him, eyes still searching your face. His lips pulled into a small, content smile. Your cheeks flushed from either the cold or from being this physically close to him, neither of you could tell.

"Sodo?" Your voice comes out barely above a whisper. He hums softly in response. "I think I might be falling in love with you." His eyes finally met yours, you felt his hands grow warmer, almost uncomfortably hot against your skin. You could see him searching for words. A smile suddenly broke out on his face, an excited laugh leaving his lips.

"Really? Y...You like me?" You nod, his smile growing even more. You couldn't help but lean into his touch as he gently rests his hand on your cheek. He tilts your head slightly, allowing his lips to effortlessly land on yours. A jolt ran down your spine at the feeling of him kissing you. He wrapped his arm tighter around you, pulling you even closer, the two of you eventually separating for a much needed breath. "Why didn't you say anything sooner?" You felt drunk from his kiss alone, you still couldn't believe that had actually just happened.

"Give me a second, I can't think straight." You both laughed, you couldn't have imagined a more perfect confession.

Aether:

If you knew one thing about Aether it's that he was always down for a couples costume, this year was no different. The issue you both ran into is you would rather die than be something cliche you had seen a thousand times, Aether thought the concept as a whole was absolutely hilarious. "What if we went as Mario and Princess Peach, I want to be Peach though." He gives you the brightest grin he could manage.

"Baby, do you realize how many other Siblings are going to go as those two characters. You know I don't want to-"

"I know, I know, but it's a cute idea. This is my first Halloween with my partner, I want us to be cute." You can't help but smile at the sentiment. You sigh, walking up behind Aether who was currently digging through your closet for ideas, and wrapping your arms around his waist. "What about a Spiderman themed couples costume, you like Spiderman."

"I'll have to try and fix the costume, your arms busted the seams on the sleeves last time, remember?" You give his bicep a squeeze, placing a gentle kiss on his arm afterwords. "My big strong Ghoul." He blushes down at you, Aether always got embarrassed when you brought up how strong he was. You checked the time, "we still have a couple hours, why don't we take a little shopping trip?"

Aether nods, "we don't have to do anything cliche if you don't-"

"You said it yourself, it's our first Halloween together as a couple. I want people to get cavities from how sweet we are." Aether's whole body shakes with a chuckle.

"Have I told you that I'm in love with you?" You blush and grin up at him.

"You have, but it wouldn't hurt to hear it again." You pull him into a sweet and tender kiss, you couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend this Halloween.

Swiss:

You couldn't see straight the bass from the music was booming so loud. You were currently dancing with Cirrus, Cumulus, and Sunshine, waiting for the rest of your group to finally come join you. Swiss was falling a little behind, his costume was taking a little longer to fully put on than he anticipated. He told you to head on out with everyone else while he finished getting ready, he'd catch up with you in a bit. Feeling an all too familiar pair of hands slide onto your waist you couldn't keep a smile off your face. "You look incredible babe!" He spins you around to face him, your arms instantly wrapping around his neck as he pulls you as close to him as possible. You and Swiss had been seeing each other casually for months, but everyone would always just say you two were dating. Thinking back to it, there wasn't really a time the two of you weren't together since you started seeing each other. At some point during the late nights the two of you would stay up holding each other and talking until the sun came up the next day, Swiss taking you out on dates and giving you small homemade gifts, the two of you had fallen in love. It was obvious to everyone around you, but you were still nervous to ask Swiss if he even wanted to take things to the next level. You were shocked back to the moment by Swiss giving you a quick kiss. 

"I was worried you were going to stand me up." You tease, he instantly laughs at your joke.

"Now what gives you the impression that I would ever stand up my partner?" You froze, did he just say what you thought you just said. His eyes slowly began to widen as he prepared to backpedal.

"Swiss, do you want to be my partner?" He blushes slightly as he nods.

"I have pretty much since we started seeing each other, but I didn't want to rush you." You both smiled at each other, him giving you a gentle kiss. You couldn't believe he was officially all yours.

Rain:

Rain was never much one for partying, he enjoyed more of the warm and cozy aspects of Halloween than anything else. Tonight the two of you spent the night doing just that. You put on your warmest sweaters and socks, had some hot cider, and sat watching horror movies and cuddling under a blanket. "The original slasher flicks have always been my favorite." Rain couldn't believe it when you told him you had never seen the original Halloween. You cuddled into his side, his arm adjusted as it laid across your shoulder. He looked so handsome. His face lit up by the fire in the fireplace and the light from the TV. He explained every bit of behind the scenes knowledge he had, you were fascinated by the vast amount of information he had.

"I can see why you like this movie so much." You smile at him, thoroughly enjoying your very low key Halloween. Rain cleared his throat suddenly.

"(Y/N)... Can I kiss you?" His voice shook slightly as he finally got the question out. You smile at him as you nod, slowly leaning in closer to him. His hand slid to your waist, lips hesitantly brushing yours before he finally pulls you in for an actual kiss. You melted under Rain's touch, his fingers cool against your skin. "You make me so incredibly happy." He says softly, pulling you in for another soft kiss. The two of you continued to cuddle and watch movies until you fell asleep on the couch in each other's arms.

Mountain:

You had to physically force yourself from falling to your knees in pure emotional defeat. There, right before your very eyes, stood your behemoth of a boyfriend in the hottest costume imaginable. "You alright babe?" He chuckles, watching the gears finally click in your head as you physically pick your jaw up off the floor.

"Who allowed you to look this good." He smiles at you, embarrassed by the direct compliment. You wrap your arms around his waist with a content hum. Mountain pats your head gently.

"You know, this is the first year I've actually been excited to go out." He leans down to give you a small kiss. "I'm really happy I get to spend Halloween with you." 

"You're too sweet, you know that?" You kiss his nose. "Let me go get changed so we can leave." He nods, hand lingering on your waist as you pulled away. You couldn't keep the smile off your face. Much like Mountain, this was the first year you were actually excited to go out. You never really had anyone to dance with when you went to the parties at the Abbey, unlike your friends you had trouble dancing with just anyone. So being by your boyfriends side all night will definitely make this whole experience more enjoyable. You finished getting into your costume and rejoined your boyfriend in the living room. He can't stop smiling at you, just happy to be by your side.

[slothgiirl]

the medic (keith x reader)

17k. something weird’s going on with keith, like alien weird. as the team medic, you’re concerned.

“So he is avoiding me,” you muse aloud, grabbing one of the pink alien food biscuits that were Hank’s latest experiment. Though it had been hours since Voltron had taken out the Galra Empire’s presence on this Balmera, you’d only just seen the last of your patients. Altean medical equipment did wonders.

After a battle, you were hardly surprised to find Hank in the kitchen, grounding himself as he cooked. You were surprised to run into Keith.

“Yeah,” Hank nods, “Probably trying to avoid another dental exam.”

You flush bright red, “His teeth fell out! Sorry for being concerned.” Between you and Lance, you’d managed to get a look at Keith. A fist fight with some alien species that was cooperating with the Galra had not gone Keith’s way, knocking out two of his teeth.

Shiro, predictably, had waved it off and accepted Keith’s insane explanation that his teeth would grow back on their own without question: given his hand waving of the red paladin’s eyes glowing slightly in the dark, more than any human’s should (human eyes didn’t glow at all!). Hindsight was twenty twenty.

The yellow paladin shrugs as he mixes orange noodle-esque things in a bowl.

Team Voltron was full of strong personalities. Add in Lotor and his friends dropping in, there was always something going on.

Hank just wanted to unwind from spending the past few hours destroying heavy duty mining equipment without hurting the planet. “So how are the biscuits?”

You chew on one, still bothered by Keith. Maybe Hank was right and he was trying to hide something from your keen gaze. You hoped not. Knowing the red paladin, and after two years in space, you certainly did, he’d rather suffer in silence until there was no other option than get medical attention. Back on earth with needles and scalpels, you understood, but in the Castle of Lions…

“Kind of like a rice cracker,” you tell Hank helpfully. “In a good got snacks at H-Mart way, not the sad quaker oats rice snacks.”

“Oh H-Mart,” Hunk smiles, “they don’t have those in space. They do have salt though. Found that at the last market we went to.”

“As long as alien food doesn’t poison us,” you comment. It was lucky that hadn’t happened. It was alien food. But not one negative reaction which either made humans some of the most hardy species or you were just lucky.

“Yeah,” Hunk chuckles, “I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing what’s edible and not. I know Pidge said there’s some books, but my Altean is pretty bad.”

“Languages are hard.”

“Wish there was a space version of google translate.”

“Hunk-”

“Yeah.”

“That’s genius!” You look at the yellow paladin, wondering how a universe with speech translators never thought to do the same for written language.

“I know,” Hunk smiles while popping another tray into the oven.

—————

Lance finishes painting your toenails. It was a rare day when there were no space battles or rebel meetings. “Pidge,” the blue paladin whines, “let me paint your-”

“Don’t even think about it!”

“It’s supposed to be team bonding night,” Lance counters.

“Lance,” Allaura frowns from where she’s sitting with Shiro, “the castle’s night cycle has not started.”

“Well we can change it,” he counters, “there’s no up or down in space. OR day or night.”

“You can paint my nails,” Hunk offers. “Won’t last long though between the cooking and the vents I’ve been cleaning. This is a 10,000 year old castle. No offence,” he glances at Allura.

“No offence at all. The battles have taken their toll and I’m sure Coran appreciates the help. He is only one man.” She lets out a sigh. The only other remaining Altean was a bittersweet subject for her.

Hunk kicks off his shoes. “My pleasure. Literally. This Castle is so cool. The artificial gravity alone!”

You watch the paint dry on your toes. Only your big toes had actual drawings on them, strange alien creatures you’d all encountered over your time in space. The others were clear with green and blue swirls. “You’re a good artist Lance.”

The blue paladin winks, “I’m a regular old Michaelangelo.”

You laugh, “of course you are.”

“And I’m not just good with a brush,” he wiggles his eyebrows, more boyish flirting than anything serious.

You roll your eyes.

Pidge throws a cushion at Lance. “Oh please like you’ve got past the first date!”

“I have! Vivian Tran from Calculus.”

“Can you focus on my nails,” Hunk asks, but Lance is busy waving the thin brush in hand as he argues with Pidge.

“And Atticus from Cantonese.”

“Didn’t you drop that class,” Hank asks.

“Well, the hindi teacher was way nicer and didn’t hate me. I was good at drawing the characters though.”

“Can you speak hindi,” you ask, having taken French for your language fulfillment.

“Eh-” Lance shrugs.

“Can you flirt in Hindi is the real question,” you ask with a grin.

“He can’t even flirt in English,” Pidge points out scathingly.

“Hey!”

“My nails Lance,” Hunk grumbles.

“Right. Right,” Lance focuses back on his task, going with a yellow that matches Shay. “What language did you take Shiro?”

“English.”

“How many dialects does Earth have,” Allura asks.

“A lot,” Shiro tells the alien princess. “The Garrison pushes being multilingual in its program. Most cadets were already bilingual to start with, generally covering major languages.”

“Ah.”

“Got bored of the training room,” Pidge asks Keith as he walks in, flopping down on an empty sofa.

“It timed out.”

“Sure,” Lance immediately starts, a dog with a bone, “not like you couldn’t beat it or anything.”  

“You can’t even get past level 9!” Keith growls back, sitting up with a jolt, skin still slick from sweat and his cheeks were flushed with exertion.

Lance gets up, puffing out his chest. Oh boy, here they go again. The rivalry thing they had going on got old fast to everyone around them. While it did push them to be better paladins, it was annoying to hear. “Oh like you’re any better.”

Hunk takes the brush from Lance, finishing off his last toe on his own.

“I am,” Keith bites back, a growl still audible from his chest.

“Only because you cheat!”

“It’s not cheating!”

“How is it not-” Lance stops, furrows his brow, then grins. “You got a little something there.” And like a thirteen year old, Lance points and laughs.

Keith frowns, his hand coming up to his cheek.

Sure enough, Lance was right. Keith had a couple of angry red blemishes on his cheek.

“You have adult acne,” Lance giggles, immature as ever. He was always able to find an angle to everything. It was what made him such an excellent strategist.

“It’s not adult acne!” Keith scowls, scratching at the blemishes.

“Its been three years,” Lance retorts smugly.

You frown. “No. It’s been like two.” You look over at Pidge to confirm, “Right?” You were like ninety percent sure you were twenty.

“Two and a half,” Pidge answers.

“Ha! You’re twenty! Adult-”

“I don’t have adult acne!”

They’d fought over more meaningless things before.

If it was two and a half years, maybe you were twenty one? You frown. How old would you be before you ever saw your family again?

Stashing that depressing thought away, you focus on Keith and the red marks on his cheek like a line coming down to his jaw. “It could be a rash,” you utter thoughtfully. Pidge and you had already encountered a very itchy plant before. “Or space ringworm-ring line?”

For the first time in days, Keith looks at you, meeting your gaze. “It’s not a rash!”

You lift your hands up, “okay. Okay. Geez.” When it came to Keith, you didn’t push too hard. He was too stubborn for it to work.

Lance, however, “hey, it’s okay Keith-buddy, just use toothpaste.”

“Toothpaste makes it worse,” Hunk counters. “Not great for your skin either.”

“It always worked for me,” Lance counters. “Or a clay skin mask.”

“Clay? You mean that green mud,” Keith clarifies.

“It’s clay!”

“Clay would work,” you agree with Lance. “Hey it could be like a spa day!”

“I could go for a spa,” Hunk nods.

Pidge shakes her head, “right. I’m going to try and see if I can get a signal back home.”

Shiro looks over at you, “do you really think it could be something serious?”

You shrug. “No clue.”

Keith huffs, “Just drop it,” he states dramatically, headed for the door. He was over being the center of attention.

“So face masks?”

You nod, “want to try it Allura?”

“I would love to try the clay mask,” she smiles brightly.

——————

Te-Osh’s rebels had sent for Voltron, less fighting than rebuilding.

While you were no paladin, you had spent the majority of the day helping Allura take stock and synthesizing medicine, everything from serums to numbing gels. Just your luck the machine had overheated and given out on the last batch. It was a pretty large machine.

You stick your head inside, waving off the smoke. With your nails, you pry open the hutch and take stock. You were no Pidge or Hunk, still unsure how the thing even worked, but it was clear it needed a new regulator and starter. “Plenty of those lying around,” you utter, scrunching your face at the awful burnt hair smell. Your finger finds the ventilator button on your wrist controls, and there-the smell gets sucked out of the room.

“Is this a bad time,” Keith asks behind you.

Startled, you bang your head on the mental. “Keith,” flushing hotly when you look back and realize you were ass up in front of him.

He doesn’t even notice, grimacing, hand rubbing his nose bridge.

“What’s wrong?” You hurry to wash your hands.

Keith sits down at one of the medbay tables. “My skull feels like it’s being cracked open,” he explains flatly.

You look him over closely, standing right in front of him. “Where exactly,” you ask, frowning when you notice the blemishes had grown to a full blown rash, hot angry skin peeling and cracking like twin marks down his cheeks. You should have pressed. What if it was a parasite? Keith was half galra.

It was easily forgotten given how human he looked. Sure, the signs were there: his unhuman night vision, more strength than he should have, good ears and nose, nails that had torn through metal, but it all faded into the background.

“Does it itch,” you ask, raising your hand, fingertips hovering over the marks on his cheeks.

“Yes,” Keith nods, averting his eyes from your gaze, “mostly it’s hot. And my sinuses…all the way down to my neck. Hurt.”

“Hm,” you turn, reaching for the medical scanner. There was no way you could ever go back to being a medical officer at the galaxy garrison. Earth’s technology was ancient in comparison. “Hold still.”

“Alright,” he says seriously. Keith holds his breath.

You look up at him, in his violet eyes, and smile before laughing. “Keith!”

“You said to hold still,” he points out sincerely, before the corners of his lips turn up. Keith was an expressive guy, his smile lit up his entire being, a lightness in his eyes that made you smile wider.

“Let’s try this again,” you giggle, clicking the scanner and aiming right at his rash first. “Pew.”

He rolls his eyes, snorting. “You too?”

“Mine’s the only right one,” you wink, then look over the reading.

“Not even close.” He scratches at his cheek listlessly.

Whatever reason he had for avoiding you had worked itself out. You’d missed his company.

“Oh yeah,” you challenge, “then what’s the sound?” The readings came up clear. Keith was in perfect health. So not a parasite…space allergies? Those wouldn’t come up on the scanner.

“What is it,” Keith asks, noticing your pensive expression.

“How’s your sense of smell? Stuffy nose?”

He looks up, then takes a deep breath, “now that you mention it…I can’t smell your soap anymore.”

“What?” This was news to you. “You can smell my soap?”

“And whatever planet we’ve been on,” Keith fidgets, blushing as he ducks his head, bangs falling over his eyes, “the soil. It’s all different. But I can’t right now.”

That was worrying. But if the scanner said nothing was wrong…you had to wait and see. It might clear up on its own. You’d give it a day or two.

“Nothing came up on the scanner,” you tell him, “so it should go away on its own. It might just be allergic to something out here.”  

He nods, accepting your diagnosis.

“Let me get the medicine.”

“Mhm.”

You pass him a tube of gel and add that to the list of medication you need to synthesize once you fix the machine. Then grab a weekly supply of pain tabs. “Here.”

Keith pops one in immediately.

“Let me know if it doesn’t clear up in two days,” you tell him.

“Worried?”

“Eh, I can always set Lance on you again,” you snort. Shiro was a pushover when it came to Keith. He was no help.

Keith laughs, looking a little more himself. “I could take him.”

“You could,” you agree, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

He tilts his head, smiling. “Coming? Shay got food for us.”

“I’ve got to fix this machine first.”

“Need help?”

“Might ask Hunk or Coran,” you admit.

“I could-”

“No,” you cut him off, placing your hand on his shoulder, “go eat and rest. That’s an order.”

Keith leans into you. “Are you going to write me a doctor’s note too,” he asks, his delivery always so earnest you had to do a double take to figure out if he was joking or not.

“If I have too,” you stick your nose in the air. “I’ll even send one to Zarkon.”

Keith laughs easily. “Why didn’t Lotor think of that.”

You snort. “I’m going to check your lymph nodes,” you tell him, taking a step towards him again. “That okay?”

Keith tilts his head back, “Go for it.”

“Wow,” you chuckle, “who are you and what did you do with Keith Kogane.” You brush his hair out of his face.

“What?”

“Remember when you broke your arm,” you point out, gently pressing your fingers over the side of his throat, feeling the swelled bean shaped lymph nodes under his ears, behind his jaw. “And said nothing for like a week?” It had been your first year at the Galaxy Garrison.

“It was only a sprain,” Keith grumbles.

“Still!” You laugh, “I’m glad you asked for help.” Because this was still Keith and you didn’t want him to think you were laughing at him.

“Mm,” he closes his eyes as you trail your fingers lower, making sure it wasn’t too bad.

The fact they were inflamed at all worried you. You had no clue what was the space equivalent of antihistamines.

Keith’s breath tickles your shoulder, deepening and evening out like he’d finally relaxed. That was most of your patients once you gave them answers and they knew they’d be getting care and treatment. You liked helping people.

You pull your fingers back, ever the consummate professional. It was like the ghost of your garrison advisor was hovering over your shoulder. “They’re not too swollen if you can still eat. Can you still chew?”

“Hm?”

Keith opens his eyes. His expression is glazed and feverish.

“Keith,” you utter, worried.

“Yeah?” His gaze is heavy as it meets yours.

Your skin warms up because he wouldn’t stop looking at you like that.

“Any jaw pain,” you ask, focusing on the task at hand. You bring your hand up to his forehead. He was warm.

Keith leans into your touch, “no.”

“Good.” You bite your lip. Could it be some weird galra thing? Wouldn’t it have come up? You feel your own forehead. He was for sure warmer.

You were going to have to corner Coran about it.

Keith lets his eyes fall shut again and honest to god purrs, leaning into you.

Add cornering Lotor to your list.

You don’t pull away, figuring it was harmless. Lance, Hunk, and Allura were more prone to random hugs. You were more than happy to indulge Keith as well. He already wasn’t feeling well.

You wrap your arms around the red paladin’s shoulders, hugging him, “I’m looking forward to a break from Coran’s post mission food goo once I get done with the machine.”

“Mm.”

He was completely out of it.

His breath tickles your cheek.

“Though I’m not sure there’ll be any left if I don’t go there? Maybe I should grab a plate and then come back here,” you ramble. Keith had never sought you out for comfort. It was touching that he trusted you now. You’d been friends with the others before, with Keith and Shiro and the Alteans, you had skipped right over friendship and gone right to family.

“Oh.”

You look behind you.

Te-Osh takes a step back, “forgive my intrusion. I was unaware-”

Keith snaps out of whatever was going on with him. Bolting off the exam table. “It’s fine. We’re done here.” He hunches his shoulders and beelines for the door.

You frown, still processing.

“I can come back,” Te-Osh tells you, glancing between you and the door Keith had just escaped through.

You shrug. “No. I’ve got time. What do you need?”

“If you’re sure?”

Nodding, you smile, “yeah, what can I help you with?”

———————

“Here is where we will focus the blunt of the attack on. Keith, Lance, engage the fighters. Hunk,” Shiro explains, “you’ll be with me taking out the communications towers. We want to keep the damage to the minimum. The resistance leaders want the factory intact. Pidge-”

Pidge waves the Black Paladin off, “I’ve got the code written.”

“It really does come in handy,” Lance observes, “all those vents are Pidge size.”

The green paladin grumbles, “easy for you to say when you’re not the one crawling around in there. It’s not your knees getting banging up.”

“Well the galra are all like nine feet tall,” Hunk points out, “the vents probably aren’t that small from their perspective.”

Lance unsubtly glances over at Keith.

His rash had cleared up, but not before spreading. In its place were two purple slash marks running from his cheek to jaw, galra markings. No one had pressed…yet.

You were just glad it wasn’t some weird space parasite.

Her brother ruffles her hair, “Pidge sized! A micro pidge,” Matt jokes to himself.

She smacks his hand away, “five feet is a perfectly reasonable size.’

“She could still have a growth spurt,” you add, though it was highly unlikely.

“No,” Matt’s eyes go comically wide as he hugs his sister, “not my hobbit,” relishing in her embarrassment.

“Matt!”

“In summation,” Allura calls you all back to attention, “the paladins will take out Galra forces and Pidge will open the weapons factory up to Vexuin rebels to take over. I will be manning the Castle to ensure no fighters target the work camps and coordinating communications with the rebels.” She turns to look at you, “Matt and you will take down the sentries, freeing the people from the work camps.”

“No!”

Everyone looks over at Keith. The horror on his face is easy to read.

What had brought this on?

Shiro clears his throat.

Keith ducks his head, letting his bangs obscure his features.

“Why not,” Pidge asks grumpily, time was running out. You were all just ironing out the details, “your plans suck.”

“Pidge,” Shiro chastises.

The green paladin was right.

Keith fought the same way you played video games, caring about nothing but reducing the enemies stats to zero. He’d gotten great at teamwork, but he was hardly a strategist.

“Keith,” Allura asks, “do you have any legitimate reasons why Matt should go on his own?” And when she phrased it like that…

The red paladin crosses his arms over his shoulders.

Pidge taps her foot on the floor.

“Okay then,” Shiro takes over, “let’s get to our lions.”

“Coms. Come in earthlings!,” Coran chimes in over the system, “remember this planet’s atmosphere is toxic to breath, too much sulfur in the air, not to mention the heat will give you all a taste of the slipperies. And worse! So keep those space suits on Vol-”

“-Tron,” Lance grins back, having taken a liking to having a kooky space alien uncle.

You lock your helmet in place as Matt pilots the pod towards the work camps. They were just as grim as the first time you’d seen them. It was the same all over in many of the Empire’s work planets. They were at the bottom of the totem pole. There were some planets where the native species and Galra coexisted more or less peacefully, this was not one of them.

“So what’s up with Keith,” Matt asks you.

You shrug. “No clue. I keep waiting for Lotor or one of the Blades to drop in so I can corner them but he’s a picture of perfect health so I’m not worried.”

“But the,” he takes a hand off the wheel, motioning to his face.

You frown, arching a brow. You’d never looked at Allura quite the same after the way she had treated Keith upon learning about his heritage. It’s not like he’d been a completely different person, she’d known him for over a year.

Matt might be Pidge’s brother, but you weren’t about to let anyone get away with giving someone you loved shit. Especially not Keith who would just silently take it.

It made your chest ache, thinking about how sweet he looked when he smiled. He didn’t deserve any of it.

“What about it?” You stare back at him cooly.

Matt focuses back on landing the pod just beyond the sentires line of sight. “Nothing. Pidge figured it was nothing, didn’t even seem curious. I figured you might know, you two are pretty close.” He glances over at you meaningfully.

“We’ve known eachother since the garrison,” though you hadn’t really been friends. Keith had been kind of a loner. You’d tried to include him, having shared a couple classes with him here and there, but he’d never taken you up on any offer.

“Right.” He doesn’t sound all that convinced. “Glad to hear it’s all good. I caught the sneazles while in the work camp,” Matt makes a face.

You laugh.

“It was horrible! But also like an episode of spongebob somehow?”

“Space is weird.” You had way bigger problems and had seen stranger things by now. For fucks sake, you were saving dragon looking aliens from the Galra right now. This planet was like a silent hill game!

Thick fog obscured the rocky landscape. Even from within your suit you could smell the stench of rotten eggs. Yet this was home to the Vexuin.

Shiro gives the signal.

You take the safety off the taser gun Pidge had built for you. Anything pilfered off the Galra was too large for your small stature, just a hair shorter than Keith. The gun packed a punch, with enough voltage to take out the robots.

Matt and you get to work.

“Almost got it,” Matt mutters as you take aim and shoot.

Stupid damn biolocks.

“Hurry the fuck up,” you tell him, dodging a shot from another sentry before frying it with your own weapon. One shot, one sentry. You needed to take them down before they got close. The robots were durable and strong. You knew better than to think you could go hand to hand with one, you were a medic not a fighter.

“I am, I am,” Matt insists. “Ah there,” he grabs a taser flash bomb out of his pocket and tosses inside the sentry outpost.

You shoot again, trying to keep your hands steady. It was easy when it was just programmed machines. Nothing to feel bad about.

Matt and you rush inside, stepping over more fried sentries. You take position at the entrance, gunning down anything that makes its way towards the two of you.

“You in,” you ask him.

“Patience my young apprentice,” Matt says, laughing at his own joke, “it’ll take a moment for my worm to work its way through the software and give me complete control.”

The ground shakes as the main part of the battle takes place outside, at a monsterous factory that’s gray, chimney shooting out smoke. You can only see hints of lions shooting and Galra fighter ships lighting up the sky.

The sulfuric fog coats everything.

You taste rotten eggs on your breath.

Inside your suit, sweat runs down your back.

“Okay,” Matt chimes into the coms, “I’ve hacked the camps. Ready to open the gates.”

The rolling low grutal voices of the Vexuin rebel leaders fill your coms, “Good.”

“Go ahead Matt,” Allura gives the order, “Voltron?”

Pidge answers, “dropping in, should override their” static, “ticks.” Then an explosion reverberates in your ear where the communications device is.

“Pidge,” Keith yells out.

“Keith cover Lance,” Shiro grunts out, blasts audible from here. “Pidge?”

Nothing.

Matt’s face goes ghostly white.

“Pidge, come in Pidge?” Allura asks. “Paladins? Are you able to reach Pidge?”

“Negative,” Shiro replies, “Hunk, take the main gate! Time to land.”

“On it.”

“Guys,” Lance yells, “the shield’s down. Pidge hacked them.”

“Keith,” Shiro yells, “wait!”

“Fine.”

You decide to hope for the best. There was nothing you could do for any of the paladins all the way from here. “Turn it off,” you tell Matt.

He steals himself. “Right.”

The lights of the compound go out. Sentries power down where they stand, puppets with their strings cut. Locks disengage, and for the first time in decades, the Vexuin are free to leave the barracks free from Galra supervision.

You and Matt go out to meet them.

“I could get used to this,”  Pidge calls out as everyone meets on the planet’s surface. Rebels come in from the forest slowly, making sure this is for real, before sniffing the air and calling out to their loved ones lingering around the liberated camp complex.  Their vision worked in the infrared, all the better to see on this planet. You’d need at least three showers to get the smell out of your hair.

Keith carries Pidge, careful not to jolt the youngest member of Voltron. She holds a leg stiffly, a sprain or fracture.

Matt rushes to his sister, “Katie!”

She waves him off, “I’m fine.” Then snaps her fingers, “Down.”

There’s a small smile on Keith’s mouth as he places her down on the ground gently.

Lance comes up behind Keith, ruffling his hair, and being every bit himself as he comments with a smirk, “good boy.”

The shorter paladin smacks Lance’s hand away, but it’s too late, Lance is already smothering Keith in a hug that turns into a competition, like always with those two. Keith shoves at Lance’s face while Lance tightens his grip on Keith.

Shiro clears his throat, “paladins.”

“A dobesh in the pod,” you ask Pidge as Matt gets his turn to fuss over her.

“Yeah. Landed right as an explosion went off,” Pidge frowns. “Not my best moment, but my program still did it’s job and,” she pats her bayard, “I took them out.”

“Can’t be that bad if you can stand,” you agree. Nothing serious but you’d be keeping an eye on her all the same. The faster she got into the pod and took weight off her injury the better. You didn’t want to exacerbate the sprain.

“The jet pack helped,” Pidge points out.

“Lucky you,” you grin.

Shiro and Allura are consummate professionals as they go over the last of the logistics with the Vexuin, “It would be wise to stay until your people have situated themselves in case the Galra Empire retaliates,” Allura states, ending her sentiment in a question, “but it is ultimately up to you.”

The Vexuin chatter among themselves for a moment before one speaks up, “we would not turn down Voltron’s help. A few quintants should be enough time.”

“Then we will make ourselves of service to you,” Shiro nods. “Please, let us know anything we can help with.”

A red scaled one smiles, showing off her many sharp and jagged teeth, “our people long to see the camp destroyed.”

Hunk offers, “I could help rig a controlled explosion.”

“Very good.”

“The system inside the weapons factory is down,” Pidge tells them, “but I can reprogram it to keep the Galra out so that you can decide what to do with the place.”

“Oh no you don’t,” you cut in, “Matt can take care of that. You’re going in a pod first.”

“Pod person,” Matt mutters under his breath with a snort.

“Then let us get to work,” Allura dismisses everyone.

Pidge tries to take a step, and almost falls over.

You grab her.

Her face goes crimson from the pain.

The adrenalin must have been keeping the bulk of the pain away.

Keith picks her up.

It’s not until you’ve loaded Pidge in for three vargas that you pull off your helmet, savoring the crisp clean air of the Castleship.

“I can still smell the sulfur,” you comment, wrinkling your nose.

Keith shakes his hair out.

You look at him thoughtfully, “must be worse for you though.”

“Why,” he asks, genuinely puzzled.

“Because your nose,” you point out, then frown, “your sinuses did clear up yeah?” He never said anything about it so you figured they had and he could smell fine again, but you weren’t sure.

“Oh. Yeah. They did.”

You smile fondly, “very convincing Keith,” you tell him, reaching out to him. He lets you run your fingers right under his ears, behind his jaw. Everything was in order.

A knot of anxiety dissolves in your chest.

“Well,” he asks, “satisfied?”

“Mhm.” You look at the purple markings on his skin.

Keith’s breath hitches. His gaze is trained on you, watching carefully.

“So if not rotten eggs,” you ask, slowly bringing your fingertips over the marks on the sides of his face, giving him every opportunity to pull away, “what do you smell?” You couldn’t help it. It was that scientific curiosity. Everyone at the garrison had ended up there because they were nerdy in some way: devoting themselves to some STEM field while other kids were watching cartoons. You’d had a stutter as a kid, self conscious about it too, so instead of trying to make friends you read your textbooks under your desk, racing ahead.

Keith’s eyes meet yours. There’s a level of vulnerability in his gaze that worms its way into your chest and all of a sudden you’re incredibly aware of how close you two are, the lack of space between your bodies, your fingers caressing his skin.

You look away, focusing on the marks. They were purple, which was obvious. His skin itself had grown purple, perfectly delineated.

“Like wet soil,” Keith explains finally, “when they just added fertilizer.” You wince, remembering the smell of the horticulture center wafting through the garrison’s campus during the spring. “And garlic.”

“I like garlic. I’d kill for some,” you tell him, sounding very much like Hank. You hadn’t expected to be homesick for food. “Best food they served at the cafeteria.”

“That’s not saying much,” Keith mutters, amused.

You chuckle, pulling your hands away from his face.

He leans forward, asking for physical comfort in a very Keith way: unsubtle and wordlessly, putting the onus on you to get the hint.

Pidge must have freaked him out more than he was willing to discuss.

You wrap your arms around his waist, hugging Keith. “Pidge’ll be fine.” Sure, she was younger and short, but she was more than capable of handling herself. “I’m more concerned about how she left the other guys,” you comment lightly resting your chin on Keith’s shoulder.

His shoulders shake as he laughs easily. “They asked to surrender to her personally.”

“That’s Pidge all right.” You glance over at the pod. She’d be back on her feet in no time.

Keith’s breath against your skin feels nice. Your heart flutters in your chest and you find yourself blushing and pulling away, thoughts racing as you realize just how much you liked this boy. You pull away, unsure what to do and suddenly finding it too awkward to be around him at all.

The start of a whine escapes his throat before he smothers it, looking away, as he lets his bangs fall over his eyes, effectively hiding his easy to read features.

“Let’s go help the others,” you say, fumbling to grab a med kit and click your helmet back in place, your face too warm and it must be obvious. You didn’t want to make things weird. You didn’t. But-

“I’m going to stay here until Pidge wakes up,” Keith tells you.

“Oh. Okay.” You nod. “That’s a great idea. It’s always confusing as hell to get out of the pods.” It was akin to waking up from a midday nap: completely confused and exhausted instead of rested.

Your skills would be more useful with the Vexuim than fussing over Pidge at the moment. And having something to do would keep your mind off Keith.

—————

“You know,” Lance comments, sliding up to you as you watch Lotor strut away from you after another failed attempt to talk to him. “If we bottled up whatever galra repellant you have going on, we could defeat Zarkon with perfume.”

You look over at Lance, trying to suppress a smile. “What would you call it?”

“Starlight.”

“That’s-that’s actually pretty great,” you tell Lance.

“I know,” he grins. Then the latino boy sobers up, “trying to find out what’s going on with mullet?”

You nod. “I even tried to corner Acxa,” you admit. For an eight foot tall purple alien, boy could she make herself scarce.

Lance’s eyes widened in delight, “like could and should peg me Acxa?”

You groan. “Lance, sometimes it’s okay to keep things to yourself.”

“I’m just saying,” he laughs, “the ship’s not that big…”

“It’s designed for six thousand people.” You’d learned that fun tidbit while practicing your Altean with Pidge.

“Like for real!”

“Yeah.”

“Ay dios mio,” Lance utters, “you’re screwed.”

You finally hit the motherlode.

Lotor and his generals are in a stately room that reminds you of the socratic lecture halls at the garrison, sofa arranged in a half circle, with Shiro and Allura. The former Prince had shown up for a reason beyond making a nuisance of himself. Allura looks at her wits end with him, as he smiles like a douche, her eye twitching.

She invites you in without hesitation, “take a seat next to me,” and effectively uses you as a human shield against Lotor.

Literally since you and Shiro were the only humans here.

“Everything has been thoroughly discussed,” Lotor comments dryly, snubbing you once more. Normally, you wouldn’t have cared but you were trying to get information out of the man. “Unless either of you have further questions?”

Shiro hums, rubbing his chin, “I know saddling you with a rebel ship or two will slow you down but I don’t see another way around it. A display of size on their part will go a long way to show it is an alliance and not the Galra Empire hy another name.”

Allura nods, a small smile on her lips as she looks over at Shiro, “The black paladin is right. It will be a steep hill to climb to show that you are not the Galra Empire. Their fears would be alleviated with the presence of the rebel alliance.”

Zethrid sucks in a sharp breath, “So that’s it then. We will always be scorned and merely tolerated.”

“Time,” Shiro sighs with a look of gentle understanding at the muscular woman, “they need time. You can’t erase 10,000 years of history. It is hard to extend trust after being imprisoned and enslaved.”

“The alliance has started coordinating with you and the Blade directly have they not,” Allura asks stiltedly. It was by the necessity of time that they had stopped going through Voltron first. Lotor might be too smug for his own good, but his team was effective at sabotaging warships and infiltrating Galra ranks to liberate prisons and cities, enough to turn the tide for the rebels.

Her feelings towards Lotor and the Blade were still tinged with suspicion, her treatment of them lukewarm at best.

Still, Lotor brushed it off and continued to help. “Well then, Princess, Shiro, we have a long journey ahead of us.”

Shiro nods.

They shake hands.

You stand up, ready to corner Lotor.

“But first a word Shiro, it is a private matter.”

“Yeah, sure,” Shiro leads Lotor away.

Your eye twitches.

That snake!

Zethrid and Narti walk purposefully away as Allura pushes in her chair, ignoring the last two of Lotor’s team. “Princess,” Acxa, tries. “Until next time.” She nods at you, “stay safe.”

Allura gives the woman a strained smile, hooking her arm with yours. Human shield.

“You too,” you tell her. She doesn’t wait, already halfway out the door. You sigh.

Ezor giggles, by far the friendliest and easiest to get along with of Lotor’s team. “Stashing food and water will cut down the embarrassment by half.”

“What?”

“Oh,” she shrugs, “I guess Lotor was right. Darn it! Now I owe him one hundred GAC.”

“Wait-”

But she scurries off.

“Ugh,” you kick the wall, tired of everyone being weird. The usual frustration with being caught up in a space war was just the salt on the wound.

Your toe throbs, “fuck,” you hiss.

“They are rather tiring to deal with,” Allura agrees, reading the situation wrong, “but it hardly calls for assaulting the Castle.”

“Sorry,” you flush red with embarrassment. “I just had a question for Lotor and he seems intent on never being in the same room as me.”

“Ah-,” Allura smiles easily, “Lance did mention that you were in possession of a Galra repellent.” The twinkle in her eyes lets you know she was in on the joke.

“Come, let us work our frustrations out with some introspection.” Which was just Altean for weird breathing exercises that supposedly helped you do alchemy. She had managed to rope you into practicing with her before.

“Anything to spare the wall,” you joke.

——————

You walk back from the library. It was a cozy room, especially when you dimmed the lights. The Castle was always so bright, designed with the Alteans sight needs in mind.

Sometimes you just needed some time away from everyone. You loved them, but spending years with the same people while floating through space…you had no clue how Shiro had managed it.

Getting a walk around the ship was also nice. It was easy to forget how big the Castle was when you mainly stayed on the same three floors. Just a couple months ago Coran had rediscovered the greenhouse. The plants were a little piece of Altea, and had quickly become one of Allura’s favorite spots.

The windows were wide portholes. It unnerved you still, looking out and not recognizing any star, any constellations.

A lump of homesickness lodges itself in your throat. It had been over two years, your siblings would have grown so much in that time. You certainly had. The last vestiges of childhood had gone from your face.

Acne cleared up even without Lance’s ten step routine.

You walk across the bridge, trying not to look down. The viewing platform was clear glass in space, you could lay on it. It freaked you out a little.

It was the only constantly dark place in the castle.

You still yelp when you spot Keith, his eyes luminous violet like a glow in the dark t-shirt. That should have tipped all of you off, but alien was not the first thing that came to mind when you previously believed aliens had never visited earth.

He whimpers, curling up further.

“Keith,” you gulp, focusing on him and not the glass separating you from the void of space. “What’s wrong?”

He looks up at you miserably, blinking sluggishly. “I have the worst migraine.”

“And you’re down here instead of getting painkillers?”

Keith shrugs. “It’s not as bad, quiet. Dark.”

You sit down next to him. “I can go get you something,” you offer, your cheeks warming up and it was ridiculous how you can’t even manage to act normal around him anymore.

“Coran already gave me a dose.”

“Oh.” You were hurt. You were supposed to be the medic. That was your role on Team Voltron.

You hug your knees to your chest, and look down at space. It was darker than the photographs back on earth. Not so purple and blue.

You weren’t Matt who was just as good as Pidge with technology or Allura who was the leader and a princess to boot, you’d just planned on having a late dinner with Hunk once he got over the motion sickness before Lance roped you into following Pidge. You weren’t a paladin.

Keith shuts his eyes. “You were with Allura. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“It’s no bother.” You swallow thickly, letting silence fall over you both.

You listen to Keith breathing, looking around the darkness of space for any familiar stars. You knew the space around Shay’s Balmerra, and Arus was at least a little familiar. But the universe was so vast and wide.

There were planets you’d only ever been to once, each with a different night sky. Some of them never even had a night, with multiple suns staving off a night cycle.

“Do you think Allura minds?”

“Mind what,” you ask.

Keith clenches his jaw, rubbing his temples. “That I look more Galra.”

Allura has always been harder on the Galra. For her, it had been such a short time since Zarkon had destroyed her world and her people. You didn’t agree, but you could understand where she was coming from, the pain still there as she continuously wore Altean mourning pink.

You look over at him, the outline of his body against the glass. “I think your marks look cool.”

“Bullshit.”

“I do,” you whisper gently, considerate of his migraine. Those were the worst. “They frame your face. You look nice,” you finish lamely, looking away. You look nice. Lance might say stupid things but at least he tried.

“What if I looked even more Galra?”

“Like completely purple and tall?” You couldn’t really wrap your head around it. It also seemed incredibly unlikely. Could his phenotype change so drastically? On earth the answer was no, but who knows how the Galra work. It was fascinating to see such a wide range of traits in one species.

He was also half human.

You worried if his body would even tolerate such a drastic change.

“Yes,” he says, not waiting for you as he rants in agitation, “the rebels hate the Blade and Allura doesn’t trust them at all and that’s not even mentioning Lotor.”

“That’s not true. Te-Osh likes Acza and Ezor. Lotor’s kind of annoying if we’re being honest, and I’m sure his being Zarkon’s son makes it a little hard to believe he’s on our side,” you try to reason. “And don’t write off the Galra who have changed sides or were in the camps right alongside other aliens.”

Keith says nothing in response, mouth a thin line as he thinks.

You wonder how long it’s been bugging him.

You want to reach out and hug him, but he isn’t Hunk. You’re not sure he’d want to if he’s not initiating the contact. So you don’t.

“Everyone knows how the last Galra paladin worked out.” A low growl in the back of his throat is enough to clue you in to how distressing this was for him.

Your heart hurts. “And everyone knows you’re not Zarkon,” you state evenly back. “We already know you’re Galra.”

Keith snorts humorlessly. You can’t see his eyes; they’re hidden by his bangs.

“The glowing eyes are not exactly subtle dude,” you point out, “not to mention your hair does the poof thing guinea pigs do when they’re eating, but not when you’re eating, more like when you get annoyed.”

“I-what!” His eyes go comically wide as he sits up. His dark hair does the thing, making him look like a character from those old Japanese kids movies.

You giggle, “you’re doing it.”

Keith tries to look at his reflection in the glass.

You blush, grateful that it’s too dark to see, and then realize that wasn’t true for him, so you look away, hoping he didn’t notice. “Yeah. I’m the medic, it’s my job to know these things. Like how Pidge has two webbed digits on her foot and Lance is allergic to flax seeds and bees.”

“That…makes sense.” Then he smiles, “still didn’t put two and two together.”

“Don’t be a smartass.” Reason number three thousand Iverson had it out for him back at the harrison. “And if anyone has a problem with you I’ll kick their ass.”

“You?” Keith snorts. “You wouldn’t even flip me during self defense.”

“You remember that?” You run a hand over your face, “I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” you always took forever to practice on your partner. And your weak arms didn’t help.

“That’s what the mats were for.”

“Still!”

Keith laughs at your expense.

You smile, taking delight in watching him smile and laugh and you wish it could always be like this and the war would just end.

Then you sober up. “You’re going to be okay, right?”

He doesn’t answer you right away.

“Keith-” you reach out, voice cracking. “You’re going to be okay, giant purple space cat or not, right?”

He takes your hand, squeezing it firmly. “Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”

“Good,” you utter, but tears bead up in your eyes anyway. It was terrifying watching someone go through something unknown that you couldn’t help them through for all your medical training. You knew how to set bones and run a pod…not whatever this was.

You trusted Keith.

He knew himself better than anyone. After all, he’d been right about his teeth growing back.

“You really are worried,” he whispers in disbelief.

“Duh.”

“I can smell it on you,” then he seems to realize what he said, and pulls away, ducking his head. Like he hadn’t meant to say so much.

“Really?” Learning about anything alien biology was pretty cool, you had to admit. Allura had once described colours that you couldn’t perceive. It was a fun talk. And then she’d made you meditate for alchemy stuff or so she claimed. It might have just been payback. “Is that new?”

“Yeah,” Keith admits, still drawn into himself. “Can we not-I already feel like enough of a freak already without,” he waves aggressively at himself.

You bite your lip, nodding. You wanted to say something, to get it through his head how you saw him, incredibly kind and fiercely loyal (to the point of taking on Zarkon by himself) and an endearing smile you never got tired of seeing.

You liked him.

The universe was lucky to have him as a paladin.

But you don’t know how to say it in a way he’d accept. And he asked you to drop it, so you do. “Right, I’ll just go then.” He’d been here first, and the glass made you nervous.

Could it withstand a hit from a galra battleship?

Keith opens his mouth like he wants to say something else, but he just nods, then winces, “Argh,” he groans as he curls up on his side, covering his ears with his hands.

You rush to his side, kneeling next to him, “Keith,” you utter softly, not wanting to make it worse.

His eyes are pressed close and for all your medical know-how, you’re at a loss.

So you running your fingers through his hair soothingly and wait for the pain to pass.

He shifts, laying his head in your lap as he whimpers.

You can’t stand to watch him and do nothing. You press your com, pinging Shiro and Coran. This was beyond you. He’d trust Shiro with whatever was going on and he’d gone to Coran. You respected that even if it did sting.

Your pride meant little so long as Keith felt comfortable and sought help.

“Shh, shh,” you whisper gently.

Sweat beads on his brow.

Whines escape his throat.

“Fuck,” he grunts, clenching his teeth.

He’s warm to your touch and that rouses another bout of worries. At this temperature it’s a fever, but he didn’t have the symptoms, the flushed cheeks and chills.

Keith curls up further, muscles stiff.

You’re helpless.

After what feels like ages, Shiro and Coran finally appear.

“Number four, Number five,” Coran claps his hands.

You hold out your hand, motioning them to shut the fuck up as Keith winces at the sound.

His hair is damp near his ears.

“Keith,” Shiro utters much more gently, kneeling down on his other side, “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

He raises his head, blinking groggily at Shiro, trying to concentrate through the pain, “Shiro,” he reaches for his brother who easily pulls him against his chest. Keith buries his head in the crook of Shiro’s neck.

You sit back, trying to get out of the way. Your hands are wet.

You look down and realize it’s blood. His ears-

Oh god.

“Number five,” Coran says gently, helping you up, “I’ll take great care of our Paladin. Why don’t you go get cleaned up.”

You don’t get any sleep that night.

——————

You were always struck with cognitive dissonance walking around colonized planets like Rahiri where the natives and Galra lived side by side. This was not a planet ravaged by the empire. The flora-like aliens in all shades of green with rootish limbs and leaves and petals for hair had assimilated into the Empire, achieving citizenship over generations. 10,000 years deca-phoebs was a long time. That was a huge source of tension in the Alliance, what to do with the world who neither wanted or wished to leave the Empire.

It was also a source of dark humor that no one spared the four of you a second glance despite two paladins of Voltron walking around.

Hunk holds Shay’s hand in front of you as they point and awe and drag their feet on the way to the space port.

“You could always stay with,” Hunk says hopefully, “we could just drop you off. Personal taxi service.”

Shay smiles back kindly, “that would be wonderful but I have been away from home for too long. I am, as you say, a homebody.”

“Aw, yeah,” Hunk chuckles, “I feel that. I like the ground. And dirt. Piloting is overrated.”

“Don’t let yellow here you say that,” Keith comments so dry, you think he’s serious for a second. Allura and Pidge had gone shopping for supplies. That was an advantage of a planet that had not seen war.

Hunk glances back, clearly having forgotten we had tagged along in case anything went down. “Yeah well, she’d like a small moon. Or an asteroid. There’s colonies on those.”

“Very true,” Shay laughs. “I think my balmerra is also like a moon. A beautiful creature. We have learned how to ask for crystals so we do not need to cut them.”

“That’s impressive. Did the books from Allura help,” Hunk asks.

As much as you liked getting to stretch your legs, seeing a different planet where the threat was not imminent, you didn’t like being a third wheel, or fourth wheel if you went according to Coran’s favorite numbering pattern. That inch difference between you and Keith mocked you.

You glance over at the red paladin.

His gaze kept flickering back and forth, around the street. The occasional loud noise of crates being unloaded made him jump.

“You good,” you ask Keith, cracking a joke so he’d know you weren’t judging him. “You see la llorona or Davy Jones?”

“Hm?”

“You know…a famous ghost? Do they have ghosts in space?”

Keith snorts, cottoning on. “They don’t even have ghosts on earth.”

You pull a face, “well that’s no fun. Seriously, you okay? Or have we been made?”

He shakes his head, glancing around again just to be sure. “So much for Zarkon’s finest.”

You laugh, following Hank and Shay into the space port. Shuttles were departing pretty consistently. Everything was in orderly fashion. You especially liked how no one was shooting at you.

“It takes some getting used to.”

“What does?” You watch as Keith shakes his head, making his hair fall back from his face.

Shay and Hunk go to the ticket counter, but you decide to find somewhere off to the side, wanting to give them privacy.

“Stuff.”

You roll your eyes at Keith, “you suck.”

He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall, looking anywhere but at you. “Lotor explained it to me and Shiro…what’s happening.”

“Oh.” You swallow, looking at Hunk and Shay hugging and saying their goodbyes yet again. They’d said them last night at dinner, this morning in the pod, and again when you’d split from Allura and Pidge. It was cute. They were adorable.

“Sorry.”

“Hm,” you glance over at Keith, not sure why he would be sorry about anything. He was the one getting screwed over by half of his heritage.

“You’re hurt.”

“You can smell that too,” you ask him, holding his deep gaze. There was an intense commitment to everything Keith did; it was reflected in the depth of his violet gaze. He didn’t do things in halves.

“Now I can.” He looks at his shoes, red dusting his cheeks. The red didn’t tinge the purple marks on his skin.

“So this is all,” you’re not sure how to put it, “nothing to worry about?”

“He said it was normal. But because I’m half there’s no way to know what to expect.” He looks away as he says it, stiff as he glances around.

The anxiety that had settled into your jaw since you’d had to wash his blood off your hands eases up. “Giant purple space cat,” you joke, nudging his side.

“Oh fuck no,” Keith grumbles. Even that furrowed expression that crossed his chiselled features made you feel all giddy inside.

Bad timing.

“I’m not hurt I-I just wish you trusted me,” you finally admit. It was silly. You felt selfish, so you tack on, “You know I’m here for you if you need me. We all are. I know Shiro’s your brother, but we’re your friends.”

“I know,” he sighs wistfully, “I do trust you…it’s just-it’s been hard. I don’t know how to feel about any of it and I’m not used to it either.”

“It’s fine,” you tell him, “I’m being silly, making this about me. As long as you know I’m here for you…I’m not trying to force you to tell me anything…” you cringe internally at yourself. The galaxy garrison had been made up of nerds, so it followed everyone was a character. It hadn’t helped anyone’s social skills.

You wish you could just go, I worry about you because I love you instead of stumbling through word vomit.

“Come on,” Keith brings you out of your thoughts, grabbing your hand and pushing through the crowd of people coming and going to different boarding gates, “I think Hunk’s going to need some comfort food.”

You glance around, finding Hunk’s form making it’s way to you both. He was wiping his eyes, bittersweet smile, making no move to really hide that he was crying.

“Let’s get back to Allura yeah,” he tells you both.

“Or,” you go with Keith’s idea, “we can get something to eat. Allura gave us a good hour or so.”

“Varga,” Keith supplies.

“Yeah, that.”

Hunk nods, “that sounds nice. It’s just,” he looks back at the departing shuttle, “it’s hard. It’s war and you never know when your going to see each other again but it’s not like she can just drop everything and I wouldn’t ask her too, if anything I’d like to retire there. Nice and quiet. Maybe open a restaurant…”

“Vrepit Sal two,” Keith offers.

“Could make it a chain,” you add with a smile. Hunk, like you, was not such a gung ho pilot. You had landed the flight simulation without crashing exactly once, for your final emergency protocol exam.

“Thanks guys,” Hunk grins, “but I think I’ll bring some earth out here. Give these people a taste of traditional earthlign cuisine.”

“So your menu’s going to be as long as Cheesecake Factory’s,” you ask with a silly grin.

“Maybe not that long. A burger, ramen, scratch that, pizza instead of a burger.” Hunk rubs his chin thoughtfully sniffing the air and following his nose to a food stand. You trusted him for food. He had a knack for combining goo and exotically colored food that screamed fake and poisonous into pretty great meals.

Keith was still holding your hand, not as a loose afterthought: every now and then he’d rub his thumb against the back of your hand and it sent a thrill down your spine.

You don’t pull away, wanting to savor the feel of his skin against yours even if it wasn’t that deep. You’d hugged and napped with everyone at least once, grabbing each other’s hands in the confusing crowded hovels of swamp malls (actual swamp malls and not places Coran thought of as a swamp mall).

You nab a table outside the stand.

Everything was in Galra which none of you could read. “Damn,” you mutter looking over.

Hunk glances at Keith without subtlety.

You were starting to think only Allura and Shiro could do subtly.

Keith raises a brow.

“Nothing,” Hunk looks down at his screen.

“Point and hope for the best it is,” you shrug.

“I love a good surprise,” Hunk nods, then looks down at his hands, “we’ll see each other again right? Shay…they’re pretty safe. And well…yellow’s got thick armour.” He sighs, resting his cheek against his fist, elbows on the table.

“Shay’s a badass,” you confort Hunk, “she figured out how to communicate with the Balmera and through the Balmera. She’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty freaking amazing,” Hunk blushes.

You order from an alien that somewhat resembles Ezor, all cotton candy color, and twiddle your thumbs, enjoying the rare moment of rest and relaxation.

“I could get used to this,” Hunk comments, savoring the strange dish he’d been served.

“Get a travel food show,” you tease, “I’d watch it.”

“It could be like this all the time,” Keith muses hopefully, “aren’t planets like this proof we could all get along.” He bites into the glowing blue lotus root shaped meal, and blinks widely.

“What,” you ask, looking over at him.

Keith grabs a napkin and spits out his food. “I think I just lost another tooth.”

“You think,” Hunk raises a brow, “how could you not notice a missing tooth?”

“Smile,” you nudge Keith sitting next to you.

He rolls his eyes, before fake smiling which was always so undeniably forced when he did it. You laugh, nodding, “yup, missing tooth.”

Keith frowns for a second, before continuing to eat.

“Oh,” Hunk utters, before he kicks your leg lightly.

You look up, meeting the yellow paladin’s searching gaze.

He looks at you with a knowing smile.

Heat rushes to your cheeks, the tip of your nose burning hotly, you look down, shoving a questionable sticky black slice into your mouth. It was easy to chew despite the sticky-ness, the flavor starchy and nutty.

There was no way this wouldn’t get back to everyone else in the Castle. No way.

They were all so nosy.

Oh fuck.

——————

“It sure is hot in here,” Lance says with a challenging smirk at Keith.

You roll your eyes.

Lance stretches, resting his arms against the back of the sofa, his hand tapping annoyingly against your shoulder.

Keith is unmoved. Or more accurately, Keith’s mouth twists as he tries hard to ignore Lance’s latest attempts to get him to remove his hat, a lime green thing that clashed perfectly as was his fashion sense, or lack of any fashion sense.

Pidge smacks her head, then peaks curiously at Keith: at Keith’s hat.

You flick Lance’s cheek. “Hey hot shot, don’t hug me when you’ve set the thermostat to ninety degrees.”

“Ninety five actually,” he winks, hugging you towards him. Ugh, you couldn’t do it. You’d already done away with your afghan coat, tied your lavender flannel around your waist, what more could you do. You didn’t have shorts in space. The skirts stored in the castle were breezy, but made you feel at risk of tripping over the hem with each step.

“Hm,” Keith voices, taking a seat, “reminds me of home.”

Hunk snorts, “really thought that through,” he tells Lance.

Lance is undeterred. “Could go higher.”

“I don’t think your cow would like that very much,” you point out.

The blue paladin sulks, looking down at you, “you’re just saying that because you like-”

You jab your elbow into his side.

“Ow! What ever happened to do no harm?”

“Technically,” you tell Lance, “I never graduated.”

“She’s got you there,” Pidge smirks from beside Keith. She was taking apart yet another radio. The signal had yet to reach earth.

“Thank you Pidge.”

She shrugs, “It’s true.” Then turns on Keith, “The hat, explain.”

He looks like he wishes he could merge with the sofa at that, slumping in his seat.

You decide to step in, “I’m going to turn the thermo down.”

Lance is quick to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you back onto the sofa, “come on, relax. Like mullet said, it’s homey.”

You throw him a dirty look.

“Keith?” Pidge side-eyes her fellow paladin. He’s sat up, gripping the sofa cushion so tightly he’s ripping hole into the ten thousand year upholstery.

“You okay there buddy,” Hunk asks.

“No.”

“Oh.”

Keith sucks in a breath, and with deliberate motion, pulls the hat from his head.

Oh.

Your eyes widen.

OH.

His ears had changed.

They weren’t nearly as alien as Allura’s, but no one would mistake their shape for human. Keith’s ears tapered up and out, portrudding, but it was more than just a pointed tip, the entire shape of his ears had transformed, resembling a butterfly’s wing. It was still human in color, but…

Hunk breaks the stunned silence first, “so are you going to like to end up purple?”

Keith ducks his head, wrapping his arms around himself.

No one else gets the chance to further interrogate Keith, or hear his own thoughts, because Allura calls everyone up to the bridge.

Lotor hailed the Castle of Lions. Everyone stands around the bridge while Shiro and Allura take the lead as usual. They might as well be twins given how well they got on, communicating differing ideas without undermining the other.

“There are nine warships in the system,” Lotor acknowledges, “I would be much indebted if you would do me the favor of sending Voltron for the aerial battle.”

“The Empire’s presence is still in its early stages,” Acza explains, “but their terraforming development for the planet will cause the destruction of the Talpidae living there.”

“Then we have no choice,” Allura clenches her fist, never one to sit back while there was something she could do about it, “we will provide air support. Sent me the coordinates so that I may Teleduv there.”

Lance is still obviously eyeing Keith’s latest development. It was readily visible, and you were fighting the urge to do the same.

But you weren’t also trying to flick his ears.

Keith growls lowly.

Lance sniggers.

Pidge offers Lance a piece of paper to make paper balls with.

Hunk sighs long sufferingly, having resigned himself to the more childish side of his two friends. They were terrors. Put Pidge and Lance together, and they were gremlins out of a horror movie made for elementary school teachers.

You slip your hand into Keith’s, squeezing reassuringly. It would take some getting used to like anytime someone got a new haircut, but you would. Like his atrocious boots, they’d become an endearing part of him.

Keith squeezes your hand back.

Shiro nods, agreeing with Allura, “have the Talpidae been contacted.”

“Very much so,” Ezor chimes in, “they’re funny little people. And their sensory-”

“The point Ezor,” Lotor sighs, rubbing his nose bridge.

“They sent for help to the rebels. We were closest to their system,” Exor elaborates with a shrug, “they do not have the background to fight head on, and will evacuate most of their people into bunkers, but they have been digging under the new construction and weakening the structural integrity of the Galra outposts.”

“Very well,” Shiro accepts, “Princess Allura and our chief medic will meet with the Talpidae as a show of goodwill.”

“Our only medic,” Hunk points out.

Keith growls, his hand squeezing yours hard.

You all look over at him.

“Red Paladin,” Allura says, trying to look as professional as possible in front of her least favorite of Voltron’s allies, “is something the matter.” She shares a look with Shiro, but otherwise looks unsurprised at Keith’s less than human ears.

Or maybe she’d make a great poker played.

“Can’t you meet with the Talpidae after the battle,” Keith utters harshly.

“They may need immediate tactical support,” Allura reasons, “we should be there in person to provide it.”

“It’ll be fine Keith,” Shiro adds.

Their words do little to calm Keith down. His dark silky hair puffs up. His grip on your hand tightens and you feel miffed. You’d been on the ground working triage before. You might not be a fighter or pilot but you could look after yourself.

You pull your hand out of his. “I really don’t see what the problem is,” you tell Keith pointedly.

“I’ll watch Allura’s back and she’ll have mine.”

Allura nods. “Our chief medic is correct-”

His ears twitch, “You’re not exactly a fighter.”

Shiro covers his face with a hand.

Your brows furrow. You’re livid. “So! I won’t be fighting. We’ll be in the bunkers with the Talpidae. It’ll be safe so it doesn’t even matter.”

“If it’s perfectly safe then you don’t need to be there,” Keith’s voice breaks, a whine escaping his chest but you don’t care, done with the conversation.

“Yikes,” is Ezor’s quiet whisper.

You’re not a paladin so you don’t care, you just stalk off the bridge ready to go scream into your pillow in frustration. Or better yet, go for a swim and scream underwater.

“Wait-” Keith follows you.

You ignore him.

“I just-,” he keeps trying as you stalk down the stairs, deciding your room was better after all if only because you could lock Keith out.

“Listen-,” he whines.

“I didn’t mean-”

“You didn’t mean what,” you round on him, hands on your hips, pissed off and maybe some of its was from being stuck on this stupid ship all the damn time but like eighty percent was earned. You might not be taking on a squad of Galra soldiers, but you could take one on if it came to it.

Keith at least has the decency to look miserable, sad chirrups in his throat as he crosses his arms over his chest and looks at the ground.

“Well?” You tap your foot on the ground.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” he finally manages. “Especially if you don’t need to be there.”

“But I do,” you counter, “There’ll be people running into those bunkers having escaped soldiers and sentries and the faster they get treated the better chance they have.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Keith repeats himself. “You-you can hold your own.” He looks up at you through his bangs, still hunched in on himself.

“Obviously.” There’s no heat, the anger having deflated already. It was just white hot ache in your chest, hurt at the idea that Keith thought you would get in the way, that you had nothing of value to add to the Alliance and Voltron.

You bite your lip.

Don’t cry, you think to yourself.

You were being dumb.

He was just being plain stupid.

“I mean it,” Keith repeats, “I’m sorry. I was just looking for an excuse to make sure you were safe.”

“Right, because Allura can handle herself but I can’t.” Your voice cracks.

“No,” Keith says in a rush, “it’s not the same.”

“Because I can’t fight?”

“That’s not,” Keith runs a hand through his hair, “It’s me okay. I’m-I’ve always jumped into things without thinking, but I decided to go for it, like breaking Shiro out but now I’m doing things before I even notice and it’s all these stupid Galra instincts!”

You swallow.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you once more. “I didn’t mean to and I’m sorry. No one thinks you can’t handle yourself. That’s why Shiro paired you up with Allura, because he knows you’re capable of watching her back.”

Your smile is fragile as you look over at him, “yeah?”

“Yeah.” Keith holds your gaze, looking as skittish as a stray dog. Another whine escapes his throat.

What the heck.

You hug him, “you’re such a dumbass.” You understood why he’d worry. This was war. Pidge was on a two man campaign with Shiro to get Matt to stay on the Castle, both scared witless that Matt might die on a mission with the rebels. Ulaz had died so everyone could get away.

You’d had patients in the last decaphoebs you could do nothing but ease their pain. You’d had patients that you couldn’t even administer anything for the pain because of how torn apart they were: guts spilling out, charred people shapes that you were surprised to still find breathing.

The images would never leave you as long as you lived.

“I’m sorry.” Keith buries his head in the crook of your neck, his breath tickling your skin sent shivers down your spine.

You hug him tightly, aware that every battle could be your last: the last time you saw him. “You’ve said that already,” you tease, memorizing the smell of him, stale sweat and something cloying that you had wanted to bottle up from the moment you’d met him and had never found on anyone else. As embarrassing as it was to admit to anyone other than yourself, Keith smelled good. Really good.

Most people smelled like nothing at all.

He stiffens.

“But it’s nice to hear again.”

Keith smothers a laugh.

You kiss his hair. Boys were so dumb.

He purrs.

You smile goofily, warmth building under your skin, and toes curling up in your shoes. You should say something. Right?

At some point?

Or maybe it shouldn’t be said under the looming threat of an upcoming battle.

Fuck.

You can’t decide, so you say nothing at all.

——————

Bombs still pelt the surface.

Your teeth chatter as the ground shakes even deep underground. Even more soil falls onto you. Your spacesuit was more oche than white at this point as you carry an injured Talpidae in your arms. It’s arm had been completely blown off. Sluggish blue blood oozed out.

Allura was last, tailing the group.

You reach the bunker.

The sentries had followed some of the feeling Talpidae into the tunnels, but they’d been sorted out.

The people here were strange, russet in fur colouring, with no discernable eye, just strange pink flagella protruding from their nose and large claws for digging. They stood at about Pidge’s height.

The bunker seals and you get to work.

Tourniquet here, pain patch there. There were so many of them banged up.

The fight continued on the surface.

The paladins had to form Voltron.

You and Allura work as a team, she takes the bruises and broken bones with no immediate risk of death. You triage the worst of the Talpidae, giving away your precious stash of painkillers to those you can’t save and are not in for a quick death, a Talpidae lies twitching, it’s nose blown off but alive. Another holds it’s hand, but shakes their head when they look at you. They weren’t going to make it.

Training kicks in and you focus on saving those you can.

Your hands stain blue from the blood.

Allura works alongside you.

You cauterize a Talpidae named Soedob’s hand, the claws on their right limb were gone, but most of it was spared.

“You smell Galra,” Soedob utters, blinking out of the pain induced haze as the painkiller kicked in.

You half hear, half don’t, so focused on the task at hand. It was easier to not stop until you were finished and could curl up and sleep and not think about blood and war and Zarkon.

“We have Galra allies,” Allura answers diplomatically, leaving the issue of the half Galra paladin alone.

It irked you.

“No, not them,” Soedob notes. “Those had a different aura.”

“Smell,” you guess, finishing off. You hoped the fighting ended soon. You supply was not unlimited. The castle had better facilities.

“Is that what you call it?”

“Our primary sense is sight,” Allura explains, giving you a long look.

You shrug. You hadn’t even seen any of Lotor and his team. There hadn’t been time. It had all been relayed over coms, over video.

“Another then?”

You swallow thickly, flushing with embarrassment because you both spent time around Keith but Soedob was only smelling him on you and it’s not like you had been doing anything intimate…well, it had felt intimate, hugging Keith, but it wasn’t anything like when cadets snuck into each others dorm room, shoving a sock on the door handle in the universal symbol of don’t bother us. “The red paladin is part Galra.” Mercifully, your voice doesn’t shake from the embarrassment, but you can’t look at Allura.

“Ah,” Soedob nods, neither outraged nor pleased.

Then there’s no more time, you have more Talpidaes waiting for medical aid. You give their own healers some of your supplies, freeing up Allura to find the clan leaders.

You can feel Allura’s questioning glance on you.

——————

“Team meeting in the mess hall,” Shiro calls over the coms system.

“Mess hall,” Pidge rolls her eyes, “it’s the dining room.”

You snort.

“I like to think of it as the dining room too,” Hunk offers. “I mean there’s only eight of us. It’s sort of like being home again.”

“Mess hall makes me think of the garrison,” you admit, falling into step besides them. “and the food.”

“Ugh,” Pidge groans. “That was the worst. Matt wasn’t kidding.”

“It does make the space packs easier to digest,” you muse, “maybe that was the point.” It took the garrison two years to get to Mars. It was funny, once you’d thought that was a long way from home.

“I liked the cheese garlic bread,” Hunk allows.

“Food goo,” Pidge grins, “or the garrison space food?”

“Food goo.” Hunk doesn’t even have to think.

“Food goo,” you agree. “Though not Coran’s paladin special.”

“You don’t even eat that,” Hunk huffs, half outraged half amused, “you’re always like well I’m not a paladin so…”

You laugh. “Seeing it is more than enough.”

The rest of the ship’s inhabitants are already there waiting for you. Lance is trying to teach Coran how to play slide, moving very slow as he claps their hands together.

Shiro and Allura are in easy conversation. Her mice scamper around her feet.

Keith looks absolutely miserable next to Shiro, folding himself into the smallest possible size, trying to disappear. It was hard to reconcile the Keith that was quiet with the Red Paladin that shot first and asked questions later.

You smile at him, excited to see him, but also figuring he could use some reassurance, whatever it was going through his head. Keith meets your gaze and the corners of his mouth turn up, before he ducks away.

You know better than to take it personally.

It was Keith.

Your toes curl inside your shoes and you bite back your smile, suddenly aware of how much you might be revealing and not wanting Lance of all people to start a meeting by commenting on it. For him, it might be all fun and games, but you weren’t sure what to do with these newfound warm and fuzzy feelings. You sure as fuck didn’t want to be called out on it.

You weren’t sure what to do about liking Keith so your current plan of action was: nothing.

“Thank you everyone for being here,” Shiro claps his hands together, his leader impression defaulted at awkward dad. He thought he always had to be on. Despite being the most trained out of us, he’d only just started his career during the Kerberos mission.

You wonder if he’d picked up his leadership style partly from Pidge’s dad.

“Where else would we be,” Pidge shrugs, never one to miss a shot.

“All the same,” the older man smiles.

“Yeah, no problem my dude, bro,” Lance flashes finger guns at Shiro.

You snort, taking a seat between him and Hunk.

“But seriously, what’s up,” Lance leans forward. “Or is this some lowkey way to keep us on our toes,” he winks at Allura who smiles indulgently.

“I await the news alongside you paladins,” Allura answers, hands resting in her lap. She looks over at Shiro.

The whole room turns to look at Shiro.

He had called the meeting.

Meetings tended to be informational in nature: updates about the expansive war, rebels hailing Voltron for intervention, the Blade passing on the rare bit of information, and the always popular distress signals. But Shiro and Allura both looked too calm for that.

Keith goes rigid, a spring wound up too tight.

Hm.

You wondered if the elephant in the room would finally be addressed.

Shiro puts his hand on Keith’s shoulder, smiling encouragingly the way a parent dropping their child off for their first day of school would, “go ahead Keith.”

The red paladin focuses his gaze on Shiro, his expression more sour than it’s been in a long time.

The past few years had done a lot to get him to open up to everyone on board, but right now, he looks exactly like the stubborn closed off cadet he had been back on Earth.

His ears twitch slightly. He manages to look even more taunt, and you wonder if he’s going to wave this off. Then, he lets out a breath.

His body is stiff, but Keith no longer pulls away from Shiro. He looks down at his hands pensively, nails cut to the quick. “Right.”

You can feel the nervous energy of the rest of the room, leaning in, waiting to see what Keith wants to say.

“Mhm, go on,” Lance says, chin in hand.

Hunk elbows him in the side.

“Hey!” Lance is about to start in on Hunk.

“Guys,” you snap, shoving Lance’s shoulder.

“Okay, okay,” Lance zips his mouth and throws away the key, “shutting up.”

“Looks like that didn’t work,” Pidge snarks.

“Paladins,” Allura’s clear commanding voice rings out. When everyone shuts up again, she nods at Keith, “you may continue.”

He looks up at everyone through his bangs, “I’m going through Galra settling.”

Hunk looks over at Allura, who was far more familiar with all this alien mumble jumble than anyone else.

Shiro squeezes Keith’s shoulder.

“And that is,” you prompt gently, before Keith hastily decided that was all he needed to say and left.

He meets your waiting gaze. Under the ship’s bright rooms, his eyes were obviously violet, heavy on the purple. He’s chewing his bottom lip like he isn’t sure he wants to go through with saying any of this and you wonder if he must be thinking of how weird things were between everyone when he learned of the alien part of his heritage.

Your mouth quirks up into a smile.

You were more than willing to stuff someone into a cryopod if they bothered Keith. He may be part of Voltron, tasked with defending the universe, but you’d make sure there was someone to defend him.

An embarrassing rush of heat bubbles under your skin. You look away, nervous.

“Shiro,” Keith asks.

Shiro nods, wrapping his arms fully around Keith’s shoulder. “Galra settling is when Galra,” he looked like he was trying to figure out exactly what he was talking about as he said it. Aliens were weird. “When Galra reach a certain age their appearance locks in.” Even Shiro looks a little puzzled. He was a pilot, not a biologist. You knew organisms back on earth who could manipulate their genotypes, generally sex changes with the right environmental conditions, but you weren’t sure there was anything comparable to whatever this was. “The Galra are apparently very adaptable in individuals. That’s why there’s such a range of them.”

Huh.

That explained the fur, range of tails, more reptilian looking once, and the eyes.

You wanted a Galra biology course, a full semester long one. What exactly caused such a plasticity in their phenotype? Did the trait have to be encoded in their genotype to appear or was there something freakier, Allura’s space magic, going on?

“-because he’s half human and we don’t go through anything like this it’s more painful than it would be. Lotor said the chameleonic abilities of Alteans helped him when he went through this,” Shiro finishes without a satisfying or thorough explanation.

At least Keith wasn’t dying.

Thank god.

Thank whatever freaky Altean magic existed in the universe.

“So,” Lance starts, “it’s Galra puberty.”

In a split second Keith loses any self consciousness about the situation, “it’s not Galra puberty!” His hair puffs up and you have to fight the urge to laugh, covering your face with your hands.

“There’s…” Shiro glances at Keith, before Lance and Keith could really get into it, “there’s more.”

Keith looks mullish, but ultimately gives Shiro the go ahead.

“Part of these..changes,” the black paladin explains, “have brought out some Galra instincts.” Clearly he was having as much trouble grappling with what this meant as Keith was. Your body suddenly deciding to change was no fun when you had no context for it. “Among them, the need to scent family…”

Pidge tilts her head, “is this like the most convoluted and emotionally constipated way of asking for a hug,” she asks Keith.

Keith smiles wryly, “pretty much.”

“Oh come here dude,” Hunk grins, engulfing Keith and Shiro in a hug.

“Ah number four,” Coran points up in the air, “I am now just recalling the galra that lived on Altea having explained this once, of course it didn’t occur to me because of the apparent dominance of your human genes.”

“So they’re actually co-dominant,” you muse as Lance drags Pidge along for a “group hug!”

“No.no,” Pidge makes a half-hearted effort to wiggle out, being a younger sibling herself, was used to being subjected to affection. She smiles even as she struggles.

“It would seem so,” Coran nods, “though not every gene.”

“Just these.” You wonder if there’s a space equivalent of the human genome project.

“Lance,” Keith yelps, “that’s my foot.”

“Buddy, I am not feeling the love here.”

“Is it working,” Hunk asks, peering at Keith, “are you going to turn purple now?”

“No one turns purple from hugs,” Keith replies, annoyed but makes no move to pull away.

“Thank you for trusting us with this Keith,” Allura smiles, her eyes crinkling.

“Get in on this too Princess,” Shiro motions over, before catching your gaze, “you too. Don’t think you can get out of this. You’re part of Voltron too.”

You snort, and join the group hug.

Pidge’s elbow is a bony thorn in your side and there’s the slight hum from Shiro’s prosthetic, but it’s a good mix of warmth and intimacy with the people you were closest to in the entire universe. Allura’s shoulder presses into you back and it’s sort of ballooned to ridiculous proportions, Keith somewhere in the center of it all, his hair barely visible to you.

“Add cuddling Keith to the chore wheel,” Pidge proposes.

Keith groans.

“How about we let Keith decide,” Shiro proposes.

You snort, knowing him too well. “Are you willing to take that risk? Died-from lack of hugs.”

Lance laughs.

Shiro looks convinced by your stellar argument.

“I’m not that bad,” Keith grumbles.

“You’re a terrible hugger,” Lance argues back. “You’re all stiff, like you’re enduring one of Iverson’s paradox sims. Not as bad as my abuelo but still.”

Keith lunges for Lance.

Someone topples over.

Everyone falls.

You laugh, smothered by limps and someone’s hair in your mouth…maybe Hunk’s? You don’t move, worried about kicking someone’s head.

From somewhere, Keith does that low rumbling chest noise that reminds you of a cat purring happily.

No one makes fun of him for it.

——————

“You should comb your hair before we take the pod down,” you tell Keith. You’d spent your free time before this alliance dinner scrolling through a datapad, trying to learn names, where they hailed from, species, things that may prove useful.

Half a varga ago, Keith had found you balled up on a sofa, and sat next to you, his way of asking for physical comfort. You’d obliged him readily, throwing an arm over his shoulders and spooning him as you both laid on the sofa. He was already in the paladin uniforms that Allura had dug out once the alliance became a reality instead of a loose string of rebel groups fighting the Galra empire.

You’re both short and slight, fitting together perfectly.

You squash any feelings you have, this wasn’t about you, it was about him. You’d done it a thousand times with Hunk or Lance, fallen asleep listening to Allura, why should Keith be any different? (You know why.)

He’s reading the screen with you.

“I doubt they’d notice,” he remarks as you scroll to a particularly vivid color alien race with sensory appendages sprouting from their heads.

“You have a point desert bum,” you tease, “I’d rather be a bum by a beach town. All surfer bro.”

“Can you even surf,” he asks flatly.

“No. Learned how to swim at the garrison,” you admit. “But tanning by the water has to be more appealing than roasting under the Texas sun.”

“I like the desert.”

“I know.” You were pretty sure everyone just liked their homes.

“It’s quiet,” he admits, “and watching how the sunlight transforms the landscape…”

“It’s too big and wide,” you admit, thinking of space. Flat land that went on forever…empty dark space that went on forever.

“Good for driving,” Keith smirks.

You laugh. Or course that’s where his mind went. “Sure, but it all looks the same, everywhere you turn.” It was disorienting. To be fair, you were a city girl. Your background noise was cars honking and people yelling even at four in the morning. The garrison had been a big adjustment.

“It’s really not. You just have to look.”

“I’ll trust my gps,” you counter, “not my sense of direction. I’d probably end up one of those cautionary tales about mirages and deserts.”

“You can’t really get a good signal,” Keith replies lazily, his body slack against yours, “out there. It’s best to mark a trail with chalk if you don’t know the area.”

“But you do, know it I mean?”

“Out past the Garrison? Mhm. All of it. We used to go hiking…before,” he trails off.

You press your lips to his hair lightly, before shifting, “my arms asleep.”

“Sorry.”

“I don’t mind.” You sit up, “it’s nice. I used to put my sister to sleep this one year she had nightmares almost every night.”

“You miss her,” Keith states, sitting up, looking at you with his intense expression. Having someone focused one hundred percent on you was a new experience. He wasn’t thinking of a thousand other things, just you.

“I do. I miss everyone, but,” you shrug, “I’ll see them again. Meanwhile you’re stuck with me.” You smile fondly at Keith. “I’m going to change before we have to go to dinner.”

“I’d take fighting Zarkon anyday,” Keith mutters, cringing at the upcoming show of diplomacy. There was so much smiling and hand shaking. It was exhausting to be that extroverted with a roomful of strangers.

Even Lance zonked out after these things.

“Knock on wood,” you laugh.

_____________

Treaties have been signed. A wrecked Galra fleet floats in space above the planet your on today, but today’s battle is won.

One of Lotor’s General’s is here, Acza. She’s wary, and surprised at the warm reception she’d received. She might be Galra, but she’d been crucial in taking down the Galra base’s shields. Biolocks, Zarkon should really rethink those.

You sip at your thick drink, warm and flavored like cinnamon oatmeal, that chases off the chill of the night. The idea had been to sleep, your hands still ached from all the sutures and stitches you’d woven, but Allura refused to hear it, dragging you along. There would be time for sleep on the Castle, she’d claimed, joyous to have helped another besieged planet.

“My congratulations,” a Blade utters from behind their glowing mask.

You jump, not having known there was even a Blade here. They were allies, yet their anonymity that made them so useful in information gathering, created a gap between you. You had no way of knowing who this person was. Their suit obscuring any details, the mask a rank.

You couldn’t even see their eyes.

“For what,” you ask, puzzled. You hadn’t fought. Your skills made you most useful after the battle, trying to save lives and patch up wounds. It was important and emotional draining work, but you hardly won battles.

Because of the mask, you can’t get a read on their reaction. Blades. Spies. Maybe if you could see their eyes…

They nod, and walk off without explanation.

You watch them go, still confused until they disappear among the bodies loitering around, celebrating liberation.

It was a feat to disappear when you were eight feet tall.

First the Galra had avoided you like the plague, the black plague, now they were being cryptic as fuck.

You lean your head down, trying to sniff your armpits without making it too obvious. Was it the blood? Or the space bleach? That tended to linger.

You didn’t smell that bad. Certainly like bleach and rubbing alcohol…

You take another sip of your drink, looking around for a place to sit. You’d been on your feet for too long. You wanted to sleep.

Someone would find you.

You wander around. Smiling when someone notices you, and thanks you and you hurry to get away before they ask you a hundred questions. There were only eight humans in space. Well, seven and a half. You stood out.

They wanted Voltron, but you would do.

“There’s space here,” Acxa calls out.

“Thanks,” you plop down next to her, sagging into the seat. Oh, yeah, you were so freaking tired.

“Of course. You look dead.”

“Yeah,” you look around the rebel camp, “I’ve no clue how they have the energy.”

“It’s like that everywhere. This is their home,” Acza offers, “people fight hard for their homes.”

You nod, before looking over at the alien woman, “not avoiding me anymore then?”

She shrugs, not disputing the allegation. “No need anymore, now that you and Keith sorted yourselves out.” She’s so blunt about it. “Galra are so sensitive when settling. We didn’t want to cause any incidents.”

“Is this about the scenting?” You still hadn’t had time to read through the information you’d gotten your grubby little hands on.

She nods.

You put your drink down on the mossy ground. “Yeah, Keith explained it. Well, Shiro did, really. Lance is over the moon about having an excuse to bother Keith.” Now you really all were a family. You’d named it outloud.

Acxa’s brows furrow, “Lance?”

“I think he just misses his family a lot,” you offer. “We all do and while we’re family too, it’d be nice to see our family back on earth too.”

She frowns. “Keith and you are not,” she asks slowly.

“Me and Keith,” you flush, ducking away from her. “No-I, no. We’re not.” You should’ve gone back to the Castle the moment Allura turned her back. She would’ve never known.

Acxa’s frown becomes tinged with anger and worry, her hand grabs your wrist. “Galra have more than one type of scenting, between families, and between partners.”

“Oh.”

You try to connect the dots but your brain gets stuck between ideas. Scenting. Keith. You. You and Keith. It was right there but-

“Keith isn’t marking you as family,” she explains slowly, “he’s marking you as his partner.” Acxa waits until her words sink in before adding, “to do so without letting the other know…” She makes it clear what a social taboo that is.

But you’re one step behind her.

Did Keith like you?

You think back to all the times you’d been with him in the past few vargas, trying to pinpoint any hint: he’d smiled at you but he was happier now in general so it could be a coincidence…

“If you need,” Acxa offers, “I will help clarify the situation.” It’s an awfully kind gesture.

“No,” you say in a rush. “no. It’s-I think I need to go talk to Keith.” He’d known what he was doing…you could draw a thousand conclusions but nothing would be better than confronting him about it.

“If you’re sure.”

“I am,” you stand up, glancing around. During parties, Keith tended to find a quiet corner out of the way. He’d opened up, but he was still more of an introvert.

You find Keith lying stretched out in the shadow of a makeshift building, looking up at the stars. It’s his eyes that give him away, reflecting the light enough to be inhuman, nocturnal vision.

“We need to talk,” you wrap your arms around your body. You weren’t angry, just confused. Didn’t he know he could just come talk to you about it by now?  

Keith looks up, startled, then stands. “Alright.” He sounds resigned, a man sentenced to detention for a month which was janitorial duties at the garrison. It kept even the most smartass cadets humble.

You look around.

No one was really here. You could hear the music and people a bit further into the heart of the camp. Here was good enough.

“I talked to Acxa,” you start, “she said-” you look down at the trampled vegetation underfoot. It was embarrassing to your human preconceptions to even think, let alone say, which was why you were pretty sure Keith didn’t mean any harm. Scenting meant nothing on earth, where he’d grown up. “She said you’ve been scenting me, which like I know but not that way?” You look up at him as realization sets in and he ducks his head, looking away. “Is it true?”

He crosses his arms over his chest. “I-,” he takes a deep breath before ranting, the agitation and months of buried emotions flooding out, “I hate this. I hate that I can hear the conversation outside and smell which direction  Shiro’s in and how much my eyes hurt on the Castle from how bright it is but I don’t-I can’t say anything because I’m already enough of a freak. Before I was just the weird kid but now I’m just a fucking alien freak! There’s always so much going on and I don’t even know what’s next!”

You wait, wondering if there was more.

It was a lot of changes.

You couldn’t understand, there was nothing in your life comparable to your biology deciding to be a little more Galra after twenty years.

“And I tried not to-,” he admits, meeting your waiting gaze, “I tried to leave everyone alone so you wouldn’t,” Keith swallows, forcing himself to continue with an obvious disgust at himself, “you wouldn’t smell like me or whatever Lotor explained but I couldn’t-it was driving me crazy like this itch, this buzzing under my skull and seeing you guys with others-I thought I was going crazy until Lotor explained. And then when Lance would ruffle my hair or you would check that I wasn’t about to fall over and die and-,” he waves his hands in the air, “I would just zone out.”

“Oh,” you utter, recalling past events with a newfound understanding. Keith had been reaching out, all instinct even when he was trying not to be a bother. It broke your heart, how he always came from the perspective that he was an inconvenience.

“I did know,” he says in a small voice. “That-you…but I don’t know if it’s me or this, or all these things happening to me.”

Your expression wobbles. You bite your lower lip, trying to get a handle on it. How silly to worry about a crush when Keith was going through it.

“I like you, but I don’t know if I like you or if it’s just these stupid Galra instincts messing with my head.” Keith deflates, drawing into himself. “Everything

s…it’s been a lot.”

“I get it,” you utter, “maybe not the situation but I’m not mad. Though Acxa was ready to kick your ass and she totally could,” you try teasing.

But Keith flinches, looking away guiltily.

“I’m joking. I-I get why. It makes sense. It’s a lot to get used to.” You swallow, not sure what to do about anything either.

“Its a huge offence,” Keith utters, “that’s why she was pissed. Made worse because you can’t even tell…I-I couldn’t think straight and I…it took the edge off.”

“Scenting me?”

He nods.

You take a step towards him.

“I-,” Keith’s eyes meet yours, his attention entirely captivated by you. It sends a thrill down your spine. You’d seen how he could be when laser focused: on piloting, on training. “I know they say it’s wrong but you and Lance do stuff like that all the time. And I thought…I figured I could figure out how much of what I’m feeling is me and how much of it are these new instincts.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” you tell him. “I-you’re right, it’s whatever to me. Like, a Blade congratulated me earlier which was weird but fuck them you know? I can ‘smile and nod’,” you smile as fakely as possible to show what you mean, “through it so long as you’re okay.” He’d bled in your lap.

Keith looks a little unsteady, unsure what to do with your lack of anger. “You don’t-”

“So is it like galra marriage then?” You were curious as to what exactly the Blades were going to gossip about you and Keith.

He makes a choked sound. “Sort of. They bond. It can be broken but that generally means someone killed the other.”

“Let me guess,” you reply, “Zarkon fucked even that up.”

Keith nods.

“That guy’s the worst.” Your voice is light.

Keith snorts, smiling for a split second. “I won’t anymore. I’ll-”

“Keith,” your voice cracks as you out your hand on his arm to keep him from rubbing off, “if its really causing you all this additional confusion in too of everything…you can…” the words were too intimate to say, too charged with a sensuality that he clearly was figuring out. You were willing to wait. For him.

He was conflicted enough without you dumping your feelings on him.

“You don’t-”

You raise your hand, caressing the side of his face with the back of your hand, ghosting over the purple mark on his cheek, “I don’t mind.” Sure, you had a crush on him, you could admit that much, but more simply, you loved him.

This was a small ask.

Your gaze flickers to the tips of his ears.

You had washed his blood off your hands.

“Besides, shit’s hard enough. My arm falling asleep is a small price to pay if I can help you.”

Keith’s mouth quirks up in a smile.

You laugh, “come here.”

It finally sinks in that you weren’t just talking bs. You meant it, as you hug Keith, wrapping your arms around his middle. He smelled good in spite of the battle he’d been through earlier.

Without really thinking, you breathe in the scent of him.

Keith hugs you back, cuddling you against his chest, resting his chin on your shoulder.

You yawn. “want to sneak back into the castle?”

“Only if you tell Allura you’re the one who wanted to leave,” he deadpans dazedly.

You laugh.

——————

“Come,” Allura motions as you stand from one of the Castle’s weapons systems, “we must meet with the rebel leadership on planet.”

The planet was a farming camp.

The slaves were overworked and underfed and they had still revolted when they learned Voltron was near. Now, they were free.

“Princess,” Coran calls out, “it appears that number four is heading back to the ship.”

A pained expression crosses Allura’s broad features, her full mouth frowning, before she decides to pick her battles for the day. “I am sure Keith has a good reason for his actions.” She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself.

You don’t want to go down there either.

This entire last week had been spent synthesizing medicine and treating thousands of people made harder by the range of species. The garrison better give you that medical degree immediately.

“I’ll go check on him,” you say automatically, “he might need me to prep a pod.”

“Fantastic idea number five,” Coran believes your excuse.

“Let us know if anything happens,” Allura says, giving you a long look, before heading for the exit.

The central Galra soldiers had been taken out, but small bands of fighters were still fighting to their last breath. It’s why Voltron has remained on the planet.

The lions had roamed the landscape answering calls for aid and hunting down the last of Zarkon’s forces here.

You meet Keith in the red lion’s hanger.

He’s popping his helmet off, running a hand through his flattened hair. “I thought you were headed out with Allura?”

You shrug, suddenly feeling awkward. “I was, but I wanted to check on you first.” That was a normal thing to do for your friends. There was no reason to overthink things.

“I’m fine.”

He sets the helmet aside, working on undoing the armor off. There was dirt and dust but thankfully no blood to speak of, his or otherwise.

“Then I’ll see you there,” you ask.

Keith looks over, a kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar, his smile slight when he replies, “I’m not heading there.” Blunt. Concise.

“It is depressing,” you admit. There was so much resource allocation and need planet-wide.

He raises a brow. “Oh. Yeah.”

“Keith?” Now you’re wondering what the real problem was. “What is it?”

“Does it matter. I don’t need to be there. Shiro and Allura can handle it.” He looks away, suddenly very interested in the wall. Unlike the rest of the ship, the red lion’s hanger was dim, in a permanent night cycle.

Pidge’s work.

“I think the people would like all of Voltron present.” Then you make a face, “oh god, I sound just like Allura don’t I?”

Keith laughs, “just a bit. As long as you don’t make us all meditate…”

“It’s so boring. I fall asleep.” You smile softly, “Seriously, go down for a moment. Then you can hide out here.”

“I-I’d rather not.” He shifts uncomfortably. “Four out of five is is fine.”

“I’m sure they’ll understand,” you agree.

“I’m sure they’ll be glad.”

“Keith-” you start, knowing he already felt hyper aware of how his appearance had changed. Before, it hadn’t really ever come up outside of the team. No one would tell and if Keith wasn’t vocal about it…now everyone in the entire universe probably knew.

There were rebel Galra, mostly in prisons and work camps. Feelings varied.

“That’s not true,” you say, not sure if it was true, “you helped free them.” You shift your weight onto your other foot, “there’s a few assholes everywhere.”

He gives you a long look. “The Galra enslaved all these people.”

“Pfft,” you wave off, “you look like one sixteenth Galra. And-”

“They stare.”

“Because you’re a paladin,” you reason. “Pidge is also cranky about the attention.”

Keith sighs.

The paladin armor lies in a discarded pile.

You step forward to him, “anyone would be lucky to have you as a pilot. And Voltron sort of lucked out when the red lion chose you.”

Keith’s eyes widen as he looks at you, pink dusting his cheeks.

In for a penny, in for a pound, you lean forward and kiss his cheek, ghosting over his skin, “face marks and all.” You can’t meet his gaze when you pull away, blushing fiercely.

Why did you do that!

God, you were so dumb-

He cups your cheeks and brushes his lips over yours.

Oh! Oh.

“Is-is this okay-,” Keith starts asking.

You feel giddy, smiling before kissing him. Yeah, it was okay.

[reyescarlos]

i'm here and i'm yours || a tarlos fic

summary: Newly discharged from the hospital, TK is eager to spend his first official night in his new home with Carlos. An honest late night conversation leads to them reuniting in more ways than one.

[3x04 coda]

word count: 4.7k || rated: e || read on ao3

No more wrong turns oh I've had it with Mistakes, misplaced second chances and Next time I'll try so much harder I'm starting to see what I've done to me and you

There are about a hundred things TK’s glad to be rid of since he was given the all-clear to be discharged.

For starters, it feels good not to be confined to a sterile hospital room. From the stark white walls to the stiff mattress he’d been assigned, TK is thankful to be in a comfortable bed for a change.

Carlos had taken actual notes from Dr. Patel as she advised on what treatment would look like upon TK’s release from the hospital. It hadn’t come as a surprise. Carlos is, without a doubt, one of the most meticulous people he’s ever met in his life. As Dr. Patel spoke, he’d asked follow-up questions and for clarity on terms he didn’t understand.

She answered them all with a soft smile on her face and TK could tell she was endeared to him.

“You’ve got a good one,” she’d said to TK.

He could only take Carlos’ hand in his and agree.

“I have the best one.”

So much of the last few days have been a blur, made up of visits from the 126, catching up on all he’s missed and resting.  Through it all, Carlos has been right by his side.

As they lie together now in their bed, unwinding for the evening, TK’s mind plays a montage of the road that led to this moment.

Their first meeting that one rainy, chaotic night. An invitation to dance at a local dive bar.

There was no way to know that one yeah would be the turning point, the first link in the subsequent chain of events that landed him in this beautiful home with the man of his dreams.

“You’re so quiet. What are you thinking?” Carlos asks.

TK traces the tips of his fingers along Carlos’ jaw, relearning the contours of his face. To think he’d willingly deprived himself of this is inconceivable.

“I made such a mess of us,” he thinks aloud. “I almost ruined us completely.”

Carlos wraps an arm around his middle and comes in close to his side. TK grips his bicep, letting himself bask in the warmth and familiarity of Carlos’ body on his.

“Stop. All that matters now is that you’re safe. You’re home,” Carlos says against the crook of his neck.

TK closes his eyes, heart fluttering at the soft press of Carlos’ lips against his pulse point. God, he’s missed this. How he’s managed to go all these months without so much as a graze of Carlos’ skin against his own, he’ll never know. It’s dizzying and distracting. Coupled with his kind words, it's almost enough to get lost in.

But he can’t accept Carlos’ statement. Not this time.

It’d be all too easy to take the out being given to him. He has in the past, but if this recent hospital stint has taught him anything, it’s that additional chances are precious things. They aren’t meant to be wasted.

TK moves back a little and frames Carlos’ face, forcing his gaze. Carlos’ brows furrow, skin pinching in the center between them. TK smooths the pad of his thumb gently there until Carlos relaxes.

“What matters is that you know how much I love you and just how sorry I am. For all of this,” TK counters.

Carlos opens his mouth but doesn’t say anything, and TK sighs softly to himself in relief.

“I shouldn’t have walked out on you…again.”

The word leaves a nasty aftertaste in his mouth, but he can’t deny it isn’t the first time this has happened. He can only make amends and ensure it’ll be the last.

Carlos’ face grows serious, but he remains quiet and continues to give TK the floor to speak.

“I panicked. It’s no excuse, and I know that now. Hell, I knew it then.”

“What exactly made you panic? Did I come on too strong?”

TK thinks for a moment.

“It was a big gesture. A kind one. Romantic even.”

“But it scared you.” It’s not a question, nor does it feel like a judgment.

TK sits with it a second. His past has done such a number on him.

“I’m not scared of us taking the next steps in our relationship. That’s the dream,” TK says. “But I want things to be equal between us. That’s the whole point of a partnership. I know you were thinking of me when you put my name down, but at the same time, it kinda felt like you weren’t.”

He bites back on his lower lip, nervous he’s said too much. But the look of understanding in Carlos’ eyes tells him his words are being fully received.

“I should have done a better job considering that. I didn’t mean to make you feel cornered or like I was trying to lord something over you,” Carlos replies. “All the same, I should have factored in all the different ways it could have made you feel, including negative reactions. I’m sorry.”

TK nods once.

“It’s okay. I know you had good intentions. In a way, that’s sort of what ultimately spooked me, I guess. I don’t know. Things are just so good with us. Effortless. I can’t believe my own luck sometimes, and it just feels like I’m on borrowed time here.”

Saying all his fears aloud is both cathartic and terrifying, but TK knows he can trust Carlos with his thoughts.

“Somewhere along the line, it just got easier to be the guy that walks away instead of being the one who’s left behind,” he says.

He knows the exact moment in time when he stopped himself. It all went back to that night in New York City. It changed everything. Until fairly recently, he was the kind of person who made big gestures all on his own. Who wore his big heart like a badge of honor. His failed relationship broke something inside of him that TK has been fighting tooth and nail to mend ever since.

In so many ways, Carlos has made him feel safe enough to let his guard down and try again. But there is only so much Carlos can do. TK knows this change has to come from within.

“That’s not fair to you,” TK continues. “I get so scared of having everything I’ve ever wanted…all the things I didn’t think I’d actually get to have…that I just run, and I hate that. Being able to call a place like this home and to own it with you, it just felt too good to be true, like I’d eventually find a way to screw it up so…,” he trails off.

TK swallows hard and pushes past the urge to shut down. That’s what got them into this mess in the first place.

“I can’t keep hurting us. Hurting you especially,” TK says. “I don’t want to be that guy. All I want is for you to be happy and to feel safe with me…to feel like I do with you.”

Carlos smiles a bit, but it doesn’t fully reach his eyes.

“I’m made of strong stuff.”

“You shouldn’t have to be, though, Carlos, especially when it comes to us. You shouldn’t have to work so hard,” TK says quietly, looking down. “You shouldn’t have to…I don’t know, be on edge all the time thinking this is going to be taken away from you. I want to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling. You mean everything to me. I need you to hear it, believe it, and know it.”

Carlos appears to be holding his breath as he stares at him. TK sighs softly to himself and takes a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking again.

“I think a part of me is worried this whole thing is just some crazy dream that I’m gonna wake up from. And I can’t help but wonder if I even deserve it, this life with you, after all this time.”

He’s bound to run out of chances one day. TK thinks it best just to accept this new one he’s been given and make it last. No more gambling with his future.

“You deserve to be happy, TK. You deserve to be loved. It’s really that simple. My heart picked yours. That’s all there is to it.”

TK searches his face, unable to resist the urge to touch him again. His hand falls lightly to the base of Carlos' neck.

“You’re truly perfect.”

Carlos shakes his head at once.

“No. I’m definitely not. These past few months, I haven’t been myself at all. But I’ve been trying to get back to the person I was. This breakup changed us. There’s no getting around that,” he says earnestly.

TK frowns and looks down, shame seeping in.

“But change isn’t always a bad thing,” Carlos continues. “Without it, we wouldn’t grow.”

TK looks up at him then, stares into those eyes he’d spent the last few months almost haunted by in his memories. The warmth he finds in them now takes the breath out of his lungs. There’s no doubt, not one single hint of confusion as to whether or not this man still loves him unconditionally.

To be loved by Carlos Reyes is far too great a gift to waste.

“I want us to grow together,” TK says. “If I’m lucky, maybe we could grow old together.”

Carlos’ eyes spark at the sentiment, and TK can feel his face flush instantly.

“I like the way you think. I kinda had the same idea in mind.”

TK smiles at this, but he’s struck for a moment, his thoughts circling back to Carlos’ words from before.

“What did you mean when you said you weren’t yourself?”

Carlos’ whole demeanor changes and TK wonders if he’s somehow pushed too far with what he thought was an innocuous question. Something in Carlos’ eyes grows distant, and TK just wants to reach into his soul to bring back the joy that was in his eyes mere moments ago.

Carlos sits up, and TK mirrors him, his back resting against the pillows. He doesn’t move an inch, just waits for Carlos to piece his thoughts together.

But after a few moments, TK starts to get antsy when Carlos bites back on his lower lip and doesn’t say anything.

He reaches out a hand and places it gently on Carlos’ knee. They both look down at where they’re touching. Since he’d opened his eyes, the urge to reach out for Carlos was reflexive. His touch is a welcomed thing now, but it still feels surreal after going months without.

“You can tell me, Carlos. I need to know what it was like for you. Please?”

As much as TK appreciates Carlos’ impulse to protect him, he has to know the whole truth, the entire scope of what he left Carlos to wade through on his own.

TK has vague memories from his coma, hearing Carlos’ voice air out grievances. He isn’t sure if any of that is even real.

Carlos licks his lips and slowly nods.

“I kind of shut down and buried my head in work and closed myself off from people. Honestly, it was a bit depressing living here alone. Coming home to an empty place, falling asleep by myself, and waking up just to do it all over again. It wasn’t anything like what I pictured this place to be. I felt like a ghost.”

Carlos rubs at his jaw.

“I was so mad at you. I hated that feeling, but it was hard to shake. I thought we were past that point of you shutting me out. We’d made so much progress, and then suddenly, it was like we were back to square one.

“And I understand now, I do,” Carlos amends. “I just wish we could have talked about it then. I wish you would have picked up the phone even once before I learned to stop calling. I wish you would have let me in because we were always meant to be a team.”

Carlos stops then and takes a few deep breaths. He looks away to his left, staring at nothing in particular. TK studies his profile, watching how the muscle in the corner of his jaw flexes. It’s a telltale sign he’s fighting back tears. The guilt eats TK up, but he endures.

“I didn’t even tell my parents we broke up,” Carlos says quietly.

Of all the things TK could have pictured Carlos saying, this didn’t even rank.

“What?”

TK hadn’t gone into detail with his parents, much like with his friends, but he’d at least gotten the words out.

“Why not?” he presses.

When he looks over again, Carlos’ eyes are wet, and TK feels his heart sink at the sight. Carlos blinks his tears away and sighs.

“Different reasons. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and honestly? So terrified of letting them down. This is the first relationship I shared with them. Not only did I let them see it, but they were a part of it, too. They got to meet you and love you just as much as me. They were on board for us completely. I never thought that could actually ever happen. I couldn’t look them in the eyes and tell them I drove you away.”

TK leans forward and presses his forehead against Carlos’ and gently cards his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

There’s a slight tremor in Carlos’ body; a tension TK works to soothe away with each stroke of his fingers.

“I’m so sorry. Baby, I’m so, so sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Carlos whispers. “I shouldn’t have sprung this loft on you. That was way too much. Everything was going perfectly for us until then.”

Carlos sighs softly, and TK can feel his boyfriend’s body relaxing more and more at his touch.

“This time away from you has been hard,” Carlos continues. “But it did give me space to think and to see that I shouldn’t have made that kind of decision for you. I never want to take away your voice. I think we both could work on communicating better.”

TK closes his eyes and breathes him in.

“It's a lesson learned for us. I should have spoken up instead of just bailing. But we’re good now. Better than that, even. I know we are. We’ve got this second chance, and it’s all we’ll ever need.”

TK feels the gentle puff of air that falls from Carlos’ lips as he sighs in relief. He doesn’t say anything just then, but he doesn’t need to. They remain like that for a few moments, heads pressed together as TK’s fingers continue to gently work through Carlos’ hair.

It’s nice to simply exist in a moment with him, relishing in the knowledge that this is, in fact, all real and his.

“My mom knows now, at least.” Carlos says, breaking the silence and pulling back to look at him fully.

TK grimaces to himself and lowers his hand, letting it outline the curve of Carlos’ shoulder and down his arm.

“She must totally hate me.”

Carlos laughs. “That’s a strong word, and an inaccurate one at that, but…she may or may not have promised some few choice words next time she sees you.”

TK’s lips form into a half-smile.

“That’s fair. I think I’ve earned her wrath.”

Carlos leans in and kisses the tip of his nose.

“If it gets to be too much, just remind her you’re on the mend from a coma after rescuing a child. That ought to soften her up a bit,” Carlos muses.

“Ah, the coma card. I know it well. I've gotten some mileage out of that one before.”

Carlos laughs heartily and rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, no more hospital stays for you. No more comas, concussions, GSWs, none of it,” Carlos rattles off on his fingers.

“Hearing it lumped together like that, it’s a wonder I’m still alive.”

Carlos’ smile fades a bit, his eyes growing a tad distant.

“I’m so grateful that you are.”

TK can see just how haunted Carlos is from this most recent stint in the hospital and how terrified Carlos must have been of almost losing him for good. What a strange situation that must have been, given their status at the time.

Before he can say anything in reassurance to ease his mind, Carlos leans in and kisses TK so deeply it erases all thoughts from his head and steals the breath from his lungs.

TK matches his fervor, his hands cupping the smooth expanse of Carlos’ cheeks. His heart pounds as Carlos’ fingers comb through his hair. He’s everywhere at once, and TK can’t get enough.

Yours, yours, yours, he telegraphs with each kiss to Carlos’ mouth, face, and neck.

Carlos settles on top of him, and TK sighs softly to himself as his boyfriend zeroes in on his neck, sucking his skin gently.

He writhes against the mattress, feeling his cock harden with each brush of Carlos’ tongue on his skin.

TK would love to say the months-long absence from each other is the culprit for making him come undone this easily, but if he’s honest, this is hardly anything new. He’s long since accepted the fact that he will always be weak when it comes to Carlos.

TK reaches down between them and pulls up his own shirt, moving back just enough to take it off entirely before kissing Carlos yet again.

Months apart have done nothing more but heighten this experience now. Have Carlos’ lips always been this soft? His taste this intoxicating? His touch this deliberate? TK feels desperate for it all and then some.

His hands reach for Carlos’ waist. He pulls him in closer and thrusts against him, grinding down to let Carlos know just how badly he wants him.

Carlos swears softly under his breath, his resolve clearly slipping too.

“Are you sure?” Carlos asks.

TK isn’t sure if it’s in reference to him being on the mend or this being their official first night together in their home. Regardless, TK’s answer is the same.

“It’s one of the many things I’ve missed these last few months. I’m sure.”

He takes hold of Carlos’ hand and settles it right on top of his heart. Carlos’ palm is so warm against his skin, TK can practically feel the heat of it seeping into him like rays of sunshine. It lights him up to be touched like this. It catches him off guard at once to see the tears that spring to Carlos’ eyes, the shaky breaths he lets out to steady himself.

“Carlos?”

Carlos swallows hard and blinks, shaking himself a bit as he pulls his gaze up from TK’s chest and to his face. TK’s heart tightens at Carlos’ broken expression.

“Carlos, what’s wrong?”

He stays still as Carlos blinks again, his brows furrowing as if he’s struggling to understand something.

“We were so close to losing you.”

His voice sounds so grave and far away, and TK does not doubt that in his mind Carlos is right back at the hospital, at his bedside. He can only imagine what Carlos must have seen and heard from that vantage point.

Carlos wipes at his eyes with his free hand.

“I’m sorry. God, I don’t know what’s gotten into me. You don’t know…just how good it is feeling your heart beat like this. Strong and steady…not too slow,” he mumbles to himself. “You’re really okay now.”

TK’s thumb soothingly strokes the back of Carlos’ hand. His touch seems to settle Carlos further; TK watches the tension in Carlos’ shoulders loosen.

“I’m okay,” TK echoes. “I fought to come back to you, and I always will.”

Carlos searches his eyes, and TK can see how much he’s warding off the urge to sob. They’ve had far too many close calls lately, and TK loathes the fact that he’s added one more to the list.

He cups Carlos’ face and wipes away a tear that falls. He presses his lips to Carlos’ cheek and looks at him. Carlos’ eyes soften the longer he stares back.

“I love you so much, TK. So, so much, I can’t even imagine what I would have done if—,” Carlos cuts off, shaking his head and lowering his gaze.

“Hey, look at me. I’m right here, okay? You don’t have to think about the what-ifs, babe. Focus on the here and now with me. Everything's just fine. We’re alright, and I love you.”

TK leans forward and kisses Carlos’ cheeks as he nods slowly, seemingly allowing TK’s words to sink in.

It breaks TK’s heart to know that yet again Carlos had to witness him in danger like that, the feeling made all the worse by their breakup. It’s a chilling thought and serves as motivation for TK to combat those negative memories by creating new and bright ones now.

Carlos turns his head slightly, and TK is right there to meet him halfway, his lips welcoming him at once.

Carlos kisses him with renewed intensity as he presses himself fully against TK, his hips pinning him to the bed. TK breathes in deeply through his nose, relishing in the feel of Carlos’ lips on his, the warmth of his hands trailing down his sides and to his hips.

TK isn’t able to keep his hands off of Carlos either. He quickly grows frustrated with Carlos’ shirt and removes it himself. His palms immediately run down the valley of his spine, and he smiles to himself at the shudder he pulls out of his boyfriend just then.

TK doesn’t think he could ever grow tired of the way he and Carlos perfectly align with one another; the feel of Carlos’ abs against his torso makes his head spin.

Carlos reaches for the nightstand and takes out a bottom of lube and a condom.

TK suddenly feels like a teenager, all butterflies in his stomach and quickened pulse at the sight of the supplies.

In a way, it almost feels like their first time.

Perhaps Carlos senses his sudden nerves as he gently nuzzles against him.

“Just tell me what you need,” Carlos murmurs against the shell of his ear, his breath tickling his skin.

TK shivers at the tone of his voice, his fingers digging into Carlos’ firm shoulders.

“You. Only you. That’s all I need,” he rasps.

Whatever Carlos is willing to give to him tonight, he will take.

Carlos drops a kiss to the side of his head, his hands lowering to remove TK’s sweats and underwear before doing the same with his own clothes.

TK can’t breathe for a moment, feeling the direct press of Carlos’ cock against him. His eyes roll shut as Carlos rolls his hips forward.

TK has missed this. Not just the act itself, but the closeness that comes from it. Being able to share all of himself with the man he loves most in the world is truly indescribable. It fills him with joy to no end to know he has a lifetime ahead of him with this kind of happiness at his fingertips.

His mind is in a daze but he’s pulled back into the moment as Carlos coats his entrance. TK lets out a breath, his body trembling at the intimate touch.

TK makes a vow to himself just then: never again will he let them go this long without each other.

He kisses Carlos heatedly as he’s worked open, holding onto fistfuls of Carlos’ hair to keep himself grounded. It’s been so long, TK could finish from this alone, but he staves off the feeling, wanting to hold out for the real thing.

For all of him.

TK grinds down as Carlos adds a second finger, a muted whimper leaving him at the sensation. Carlos presses a soothing kiss to his forehead.

“I’ve got you,” he reassures, but TK never had a doubt.

TK relaxes against him, fingers threading through Carlos’ hair as eventually Carlos adds a third finger. Carlos handles him with such care, even as his fingers curl deeply inside him, acutely enough for TK to let out a cry.

He can’t take much more and Carlos seems to know this as he gently removes his fingers. The pounding in TK’s ears only grows louder as he watches Carlos work a condom over himself.

He cups Carlos’ face gently as he spreads his legs, giving him easier access. Carlos eyes rake over his body, almost as if in wonder. It makes TK blush in spite of himself and a soft smile spreads across Carlos’ lips as he settles himself prominently between TK’s legs.

TK keeps his eyes locked on Carlos’ as he enters him and it feels like a second homecoming. To get back to this degree of closeness is almost too much for TK to fully grasp in the moment. He’s far too busy being crushed by the weight of relief and gratitude in Carlos’ gaze.

The way Carlos looks at him makes him feel like the most precious, desired person on Earth. He prays Carlos can feel it back, that Carlos understands just how deeply his feelings for him run. Never in his life has TK known a love like this and he’d bet everything he has that he never will again.

This is it for him. This life they’re forging now together is all he could have ever hoped for and so much more than he ever dared to dream of.

As he looks up at Carlos, their bodies moving in sync to meet each other, he’s hit with a wave of emotion so strong it brings tears to his eyes.

Carlos strokes his cheek as they fall and kisses his face.

“I know,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion. “I know, babe.”

Of course Carlos understands. No one could ever know this feeling better than him.

He throws his arms over Carlos’ shoulders and holds him as closely as he can.

“I love you,” TK hiccups.

“I love you, too.”

TK closes his eyes, lets those four words wash over him. Carlos’ love is like armor. Nothing can touch him so long as he has that.

His nails scramble for purchase against Carlos’ back as he drives in deeper. He’s certain he’s doing nothing more than leaving scratches on his skin. But TK delights in that thinking, in being able to mark Carlos as his.

Carlos bites gently on his neck and TK just knows he’s left another mark of his own too.

TK seeks out Carlos’ hands, his boyfriend linking their fingers at once and raising them above TK’s head, gently pinning them to pillows as he works himself in and out of him. TK rocks forward steadily to meet each thrust, feeling the tension building in the pit of his stomach.

Carlos’ mouth is on his again, his tongue sucking TK’s teasingly. TK squeezes their hands together tightly, the pressure within him becoming far too much to contain.

His body trembles and a moment later, he finishes with Carlos’ name slipping loosely from his mouth, half his face buried in the crook of Carlos’ neck as Carlos comes as well.

They stay linked for a few moments, collecting their breaths before Carlos pulls away first—just enough to kiss him.

TK is still breathless but he greedily kisses him back, pouring every last bit of his energy into it. He only stops long enough for them to get cleaned up.

TK sighs once they’re done and turns to rest on his side. He’s immediately enveloped by Carlos, his back pressed against his boyfriend’s torso. He smiles to himself at the kiss Carlos leaves on his shoulder blade as they hold hands.

He plays with Carlos’ fingers, marveling at the strength and softness of them. The safety of Carlos’ arms is just like heaven. There are a million things racing through his mind now but TK settles on the one thought that rings clearest of all as Carlos buries his face in the crook of his neck and takes a deep breath.

“It’s good to finally be home.”

[annie-sae]

Wouldn’t mind

Pairing: Kazutora x fem!reader, past Baji x fem!reader

Hurt/comfort

Author note: This is my way of dealing with Baji’s death finally being animated, this is me comforting myself so I don’t keep crying.

Also, I posted this on AO3 as well:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33561445

Part of the reason you decided to get close to him was kind of the same reason why you decided to help out Chifuyu and the remaining founding Toman members in any way you could; even if that meant putting yourself in various fights. It was a way to honor his memory.

You met Baji Keisuke; your Kei; as nothing more than a child because you were neighbors and your mom happened to be friends with his mother which ended in them arranging lots of playdates for you both ever since you could remember.

Your mothers always said you were meant to be and they were right, so yeah, they were delighted once you two finally stopped denying yourselves and started to date.

You two got together after one time in which Baji got into a particularly bad fight and you found him on your way home; his hands all bruised but despite how much they must have been hurting he was smiling in that unique way of his that always told you that no matter the pain he won and enjoyed himself.

To be honest you didn’t like that he always got into fights nor how reckless he could be but you had to admit that there was always something about the way his eyes glinted that drew you in.

You dragged him inside your home, knowing that his mother would flip out if she saw him and taking advantage of the fact that your mother was to get home late, you pushed him to the couch, went to the kitchen for a bag of frozen vegetables, grabbed his hand after cleaning the blood off and held the bag to his knuckles hoping that it would bring down the swelling.

There was no way of knowing who made the first move but next thing you knew after that was that you two were kissing; the frozen bag laying on the floor long forgotten. After that you finally acknowledged your feelings and started dating. There was no grand gesture, it was just one of many moments that you shared daily yet it was perfect.

Baji liked to keep you away from Toman businesses so for the most part you didn’t actually know the rest of the members except for Chifuyu; whom you met on various occasions while going to visit your boyfriend; and Mikey that you met as a child since you were always following around Baji and in a way became your friend too; but that was it. He kept that apart from the side of his life that involved you because he was well aware of how messy it could get and he didn’t want to drag you into any trouble.

Yet his gang life caught up to him, crashing into your world and pushing you into a lonely abyss that still to this day left a hole in your chest.

You’d always remember that dreaded day when your mother came home later than usual without letting you know anything, eyes teary and red rimmed. The moment she looked at you, she pulled you into a strong hug and sobbed as she caressed your hair murmuring a string of words you couldn’t really make out.

She was the one to deliver the news of his passing, how she was late because she was at the Baji household and had to accompany his mother to claim her son’s body after the woman received a call from the police station telling her that the boy had been stabbed and bled to death.

The day would never come when you’d forget the pain that shot through your body as you learned that he was gone. It hurt unlike anything else you have ever experienced, as if someone was crushing your chest like it was made out of paper, air knocked out of your lungs and the only thing you could do was scream helplessly his name as you held for dear life onto your mother’s frame. You felt bile rise up your throat so fast that it was a miracle that you didn’t throw up.

His funeral wasn’t any easier. Not when you arrived and his mom pulled you to his casket saying just how handsome he looked, inviting you to see him in a way that you couldn’t refuse.

Around an hour after yourself, arrived Chifuyu who went to you after giving his condolences to his best friend’s mother that held him the way she used to hold her boy but now she’d never get the chance to do anymore.

If you were being completely honest, you couldn’t remember much more of that day, your mind was hazy, too many gaps in the memory of all that transpired.

Only two things were clear as day in your mind. First was the way that Kei had looked inside that coffin smiling peacefully and for a moment you almost fooled yourself into thinking that he was just sleeping, but he was pale, his canines weren’t showing and his eyes were slightly sunken but you had to agree with his mom because he looked handsome indeed. The second was that Chifuyu stayed by your side throughout the whole thing, in fact he was the one who told you what actually happened and you were thankful for it all.

He told you what Baji did and why he did it and you believed it the second the words left his mouth because you knew him well and if there was anything that defined your beloved boyfriend was his heart, how willing he was to give anything for those that he cared about; his unwavering loyalty; you just wished he hadn’t put himself on the line for that.

Twelve years have passed and a lot of things changed since his parting, for starters you became a member of Toman.

One night; around a month after everything happened; you went to the Musashi temple fully aware that it was the place that the boys used as their base and in front of everyone gathered there; bracing yourself; you walked towards Mikey, bowed deeply and begged for him to accept you as a member.

At first most of the guys there laughed at you while others frowned and called you names shooing you away but you stayed still, that was until a big hand grabbed you by the arm and that was when you pulled away from it and punched the guy square in the nose remembering the time Baji taught you how to pack a punch. The guy tried to send a blow towards you but was stopped by Chifuyu yet the whole commotion came to a halt with Mikey’s commanding voice.

“Y/N, you know this is a guys-only gang”

“I’m aware, Mikey, but” you clenched your fists “but Keisuke cared about this gang so I feel like I must join, to protect everything he fought for” you raised your head “he also taught me how to fight so you don’t have to worry about me being a burden on you and I know a few things about first aid, I can carry my own weight” you were thankful for your mother being a nurse and having taught you a bit.

He stared at you, his eyes giving away nothing.

“The first division can take her in” Chifuyu supplied.

Mikey raised a brow and looked at another blonde guy.

“Takemitchy, you are the first division’s captain, do you agree to take her?” the guy straightened up and after sharing one look with Chifuyu he nodded.

An uproar started as a lot of guys started to complain about how bad of an idea it was to admit a girl in the gang but Draken stopped them with one word.

Mikey looked at you once more, then he sighed and nodded.

“Then welcome, Y/N L/N, from now on you are a member of the Tokyo Manji Gang under the first division”.

Later that day you gave your thanks to Chifuyu and Takemichi, for getting behind you and promised to help them in any way possible but Chifuyu made you promise to be safe and only join them as a last resource because he couldn’t allow Baji’s girlfriend to get hurt since he promised him he’d take care of you.

You knew that your parents wouldn’t be happy with you being a part of a gang but you had to do it, it was a way to stay close to Kei and you needed that or else you would have gone crazy, you were also thankful because life had it that you were assigned to the division that used to be his.

Shit happened but you always took things head on and you had to admit that Chifuyu and Takemichi played a crucial part in you surviving all the crappy things that happened until the gang disbanded. While still a member you were extremely grateful for makeup since it helped you hide from your parents a good amount of nasty bruises that came from the fights.

The second thing that changed was that you moved out of your parents’ house from the moment you started college and although at first it was hard and you were living in a tiny apartment that resembled more to a matchbox yet it was the only thing you could afford at the moment with the part time job you had but you were decided to not return home, not because you weren’t comfortable with them but because they were already doing too much for you by paying for your studies so you didn’t want them to be spending any more money on you.

You managed and after a while you got a better job that meant a higher pay grade and you moved out of your tiny place to your current one that was bigger and just a couple of minutes away from the cemetery where the Baji family grave was.

Even when you had exams due the next day, even when you were way too busy, you still made it a habit to go visit him daily, it didn’t matter if you had to walk for long or that you were so tired you could have fallen asleep while standing, you still went to see him.

Your mother told you once that maybe you should let go, that he wouldn’t like to have you clinging to him this much and to appease her you went to a couple of dates once every three months but you never made it past the first date but funnily enough that landed you a few long lasting friendships with some of the guys you tried to date.

One time his mom talked to you and told you just how grateful she was with you for loving her son the way you did but that you didn’t owe him anything, that you could move on because she was sure that was what he would have wanted and maybe she was right; to hell you knew that she was; but it wasn’t a matter of you feeling like you owed devotion to him but more like no one ever compared to him, not a single person awoke in you the same feelings he did, not with the same intensity it was kind of like a beautiful curse because you grieved daily his absence but you wouldn’t want it other way, even if you went back and told yourself that by loving him you’d end up in pain, you’d still go through it all because the time spent with him was worth it and you told her that so she smiled and even talked with your mother making her stop begging you to date and leave you to your own devices.

Another thing that changed was you because you cut your hair really short; yet without needing it you still wore a hair tie on your wrist daily as if it was some sort of amulet because it reminded you of him.

Also, with the bigger place you adopted three beautiful cats that you loved dearly, first there was Blue; whose black hair shone blue under certain light hence his name; then there was Leo; an orange tabby cat you found one day and adopted instantly; and Jin; a maine coon that was your appointed guardian and didn’t like anyone around you nor him.

The three always slept with you; which made you thankful for getting a big bed when you first moved; and in a way they made your life less lonely because in their presence you felt as if Keisuke was right there with you which made sense because you two had made plans about living together once highschool was over and then adopt a ton of cats, all the cats your parents never allowed in the house when you were younger.

Of course things don’t always end up the way we plan them, you knew that better than most although to be completely honest you never expected Kazutora to come into the picture.

You new who he was, on one occasion Kei told you that him speaking on his behalf and taking the full blame for what happened with Mikey’s older brother was a big factor on him staying out of juvie so in a way you were thankful to him but you also knew; through Chifuyu’s retelling; what happened on that horrible halloween when you lost your whole world.

Even when you knew that everything had been planned out by Kisaki, for the longest time you were resentful towards Kazutora, even going as far as to curse his sole existence because hadn’t it been for him then your Keisuke would surely still be with you. It took you years for you to come to terms with everything and accept that Baji chose to leave all because he cared about that boy way too much.

You came to realize that by hating Kazutora, by wishing him the worst and spending so much energy in resenting him you were betraying Kei’s wishes.

His final will was to keep Toman’s funding members; Kazutora included; safe, he chose death, going down as a villain to his friends, all just to protect them, to save him so the least you could do was carry on his wishes and look after them, not only after Chifuyu and the others but you also felt the moral obligation towards Keisuke, to welcome Kazutora and help him back into his life.

Now, you went to help around Chifuyu and Kazutora’s shop, fully aware that it was their way of honoring his memory, by living out the dream he never had the chance for.

You could understand them because everyday you did the same, hell, you even went to study veterinary because that had been the plan all those years back; he was supposed to open his pet shop and you were supposed to be the one to tend to the animals, he always said that you had the best shot because you usually did rather good at school.

You met Kazutora the day after Chifuyu picked him up from prison. You already knew that he would be joining you two for lunch the following day because he told you in advance in case you weren’t ready to meet the man that had played a big part in your old boyfriend’s death.

Chifuyu by that point had become your best friend in the world, your constant support. What started as a way to cope with Baji’s loss, as both of you searching in the other for any vestiges of his existence with the passing of the years turned into something more, a fraternal bond forged through shared grief.

Chifuyu was like a brother to you and you knew that he saw you as a sister, you cared about him deeply.

If you were being completely honest, you were a bit torn when a month prior to the release, he announced to you that he’d be picking up the guy and was planning on welcoming him as a roommate and as an extra hand at the shop; that is if the other accepted. I mean, you’d have to be crazy to just accept it as it was, no questions asked because whether manipulated and messed up in the head, it didn’t change the fact that he was the one to stab him.

Of course you knew it hadn’t been easy for him to reach that, it was obvious that he had thought it through, you could see in his eyes just how much went into making that decision but that he was sure that that was Baji would have liked and you knew that as well because that was the type of person Keisuke used to be, a bit rough on the edges but so caring and willing to give for those he loved, and he sure as hell had proven how much he cared about the guy.

You had never talked to him, what little you knew about him was what Baji had mentioned all those years back when he almost went to prison and what Chifuyu told you, how he was getting the help he needed and seemed to be making progress but that was it.

To say it was awkward at first was a big understatement. He was extremely quiet and even after you greeted him he refused to make eye contact while you kept fidgeting in place trying to come up with something to say. Thank god for Chifuyu since he was the one to introduce you although he could have been a bit more careful when he introduced you as Baji’s old girlfriend, although you couldn’t blame him because there was no way around it, that was what you were.

The moment he understood who you were he froze, eyes focusing on his hands under the table. You noticed how uneasy he became and with a look you asked Chifuyu to give you a minute, thankfully he understood and trusting you excused himself from the table.

You reached out, stilling your hand in the middle of the space between you when you saw him flinch, something that reminded you of the time when you encountered Leo for the first time; hurt and scared. Kazutora in a way resembled him, something lonely and broken about him that gave you the final push to get close.

Just like you did way back for Leo you extended your open hand towards him, facing upwards to show him that you had no ill intentions and you rested your hand on the table just a few centimeters away from his arm, not wanting to startle him but wanting to show him that you were trying to get close.

“I don’t hate you, Hanemiya-kun”

His gaze zeroed on your hand and then eyes of the color of the lightest brown you’ve ever seen; almost the same shade as amber; met yours wary and trembling but you simply nodded confirming that you were being completely honest.

“Why?” his voice came out broken.

“Because Keisuke cared about you” you smiled, feeling your eyes get watery and Kazutora’s face became blurry due to the tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I- I wish I could take it all back, I really do, I...” you heard the words come out cracked and you shook your head and reached for his arm.

“I know...it’s fine. Like I said, I don’t hate you, it’s been a while since that happened and I’ve made up my mind, I’ve already accepted it as part of life” that’s a lie and you know, you miss him every day so much that you still cling to the little things he left behind, that’s the reason why you haven’t been in a relationship after him.

You quickly wiped the tears out of your eyes and looked at him once more. “I’d like to be there for you, maybe be friends even, that is if you’d like that”

Kazutora’s mind was running laps. Was he hearing you correctly? Did you actually say that you wanted to be friends with him? Be friends with the guy that killed your boyfriend nonetheless. He couldn’t wrap his head around that thought, it was simply impossible, he was a villain, a rotten fruit that nobody had ever liked and that poisoned the only good things he had in his life, why would anyone want to be near him?

First there was Chifuyu; who for all he could gather used to consider Baji as his best friend; welcoming him into his apartment, offering him a place to stay and even a job no questions asked, that was already hard to understand, but now having you willing to welcome him? That was almost ridiculous because you surely knew, he saw the way you interacted with Chifuyu, there was no way in hell he didn’t tell you, so why?

Why were you being kind to him? So gentle? Why couldn’t you just scream and curse him? Heaven knows for how long he has been cursing himself, regretting everything he did, from Shinichiro to Baji. He deserved to be yelled at, to be shunned away from society, he was deserving of pain and should be tossed to the abyss of loneliness, forever in the dark, far away from the sun.

He couldn’t fathom why on God's name was Baji’s girlfriend in front of him extending her delicate hand towards him. But even when he couldn’t understand he wanted to accept it. He knew he deserved nothing given how he had taken two lives but he wanted the embrace so badly.

He wanted company, friends, he didn’t want to be forever an outcast due to his bad decisions but instead he wanted to belong, to feel some sort of comfort, he wanted to bask in the sun’s warmth and for once in a very long time feel a bit of peace, he wanted saving, someone to tell him he was worthy even when he knew he wasn’t.

He looked at you once more, and something felt warm inside his chest; even his throat tightening; when he saw that you were still smiling gently at him despite the rebel tears that had escaped from your eyes.

“I’d like that” he smiled wobbly. “Also, Kazutora is fine”

“Then let’s be friends, Kazutora-kun” your smile grew broader and that was the start.

Surprisingly after that, it didn’t take long for you to grow comfortable with each other. He was quiet and would often be found spacing off but he was considerate towards you, actually he returned the same kindness you gave him, although it was evident that he was still wary and a bit rough on the edges he tried hard and you could see, so whenever he was having a bad mood you tried not to take it personally.

Through gentle words and patience, you won him over, even those around you were surprised at how quickly he warmed up to you but there was just something in him that pulled you, maybe that same thing that pushed you to adopt Leo when you found him malnourished and hurt on your way home from the cemetery or maybe it was something else.

Just as he warmed up to you, you warmed up to him. It was easy to talk to him, he was always willing to lend you an attentive ear, listening to your ramblings about the monotonous things that happened at the clinic, it didn’t matter that he knew nothing about the people you mentioned, he always listened like it was the most important thing in the world.

At first your interactions were always in company of Chifuyu, mostly at the shop while you went to visit which actually ended in you helping around to organize the merchandise or on the usual checkups on the animals to ensure that they were in the utmost condition for the moment someone decided to welcome them into their home.

Then, Kazutora started to walk you to the station but slowly that turned into him accompanying you all the way home and since he was taking the time to go with you you started offering him a cup of tea at your house before he’d leave again to get back to his and Chifuyu’s place.

That wasn’t the end of it because one cup of tea turned into two, then three and finally what started as a thanks for the inconvenience turned into hours-long talks about the most menial things just because.

Your cats loved him; Blue was always rubbing himself against his legs while Leo wasted no time to go lay on his legs and with a meow demand to be petted at the moment; but the most amazing thing of all was that Jin didn’t hate him, in fact he got way too comfortable with him which was a thing that you’d never seen, the only other person besides yourself that he liked was Hina, hell, not even Chifuyu had been able to charm the bigger cat and now apparently he didn’t mind Kazutora trailing behind you when even up to that day whenever he was visiting Chifuyu would get a growl from Jin but not Kazutora.

He was nice to your babies, he liked them and you could see that he didn’t change his demeanour towards them even when he thought you weren’t looking, in fact his voice got softer when directed at them and you were also the kind of person that trusted animal’s perception so the fact that your beloved cats liked him really told you that he had changed from what little you knew about his ways before being sent to prison after Baji’s death.

Kazutora started noticing the little things about you, for starters the way you’d always be singing a random thing off tune but with such energy that it was amusing but when asked he’d swear on his life that he wasn’t bothered that he actually liked it even though you knew very well that you weren’t a good singer but the opposite yet there was something powerful about having him joining in the middle of your singing, even when he didn’t know the lyrics he’d be humming along.

You were a sight to behold for him because in all the mess of his life he had never encountered someone as lively as yourself. Even after losing Baji you tried your best, you were determined and hardworking and so kind, not only to him but to every living thing no matter if they were animals, people or even plants, you amazed him because you were always so willing to be gentle to anyone.

You were a soothing presence.

That was not to say you didn’t have your bad days, after all you were only human and it was simply impossible to be at one hundred percent everyday the whole day, but you pushed through and you were always quick to ask for forgiveness if you had an outburst towards someone, you were the kind to not withhold apologies even when you weren’t at fault. He could remember a handful of times in which you apologized when he was the one to step on your toes.

You, of all people apologized to him, a social reject, a vermin, you apologized to him as if he was worthy, as if that was the logical thing to do but he knew that no matter what you did he knew that he was the one that still owed you a lifetime of apologies.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew how much Baji meant to you even to that day, he noticed the little pieces of him lingering in your everyday, like how you always wore a hair tie around your wrist even when your hair was way too short for you to ever need it and whenever you had to get your bangs out of your face you used hair clips, never the tie on your wrist, the way you always cracked your knuckles as if getting ready for a fight even if you were only checking the animals and the way you carried yourself in a way resembled the way Baji used to.

He never told you but a few times he found you at the cemetery by coincidence while visiting Baji and there was something heartbreaking about seeing you kneeling on the ground with trembling shoulders despite it being a hot day. He regretted what he did, not only because he felt guilty or ‘cause he missed his friend but also for your sake because he wanted to see your happy smile, he never wanted to hear your cries ever again.

Just like him, you started seeking his company more and more, not only were you inviting him to stay and talk after walking you home but you made plans with him and just him, to go window shopping, for a cup of coffee, lunch dates, movie premieres; because you liked going to the movies so much and discovered that he was an enthusiast as much as you; movies on the couch, even just lazy sundays at your house playing the entire day with your cats.

Of course reaching this state was quick yet slow, it was hard to explain, like you were close to him and enjoyed his company, but it was different than it was with Hina or even Chifuyu yet you wouldn’t call it romantic, not at first.

Sure, there was something to Kazutora, you weren’t blind so you could see clear as day that he was rather handsome, probably one of the prettiest guys you’d ever met but there was something more, something that pulled you, something broken and lonely that tugged at your heart and told you to care for him.

At such a young age he had been to prison on two occasions and you could actually see that that was simply the tip of the iceberg. He had to mature too soon, he mentioned vaguely that his relation with his parents wasn’t the best and his eyes at times looked older than he actually was, plus it took a long time for him to get used to your affectionate ways because your love-language was physical touch. You had a special fascination with hair and all of your friends were used to that but Kazutora was like a kicked puppy that was only learning to trust in people once more.

You were a new breeze of air into his life, with your caring ways and funny nature he fell. For the first time in his life he had someone like you, at first it was difficult for him to realize that the fuzzy feeling inside his gut whenever he looked at you or even heard your voice meant what people called love but it was a given because he had never felt that way before.

For the longest time he felt like love was a lie, he remembered how bad his home life was, how strained and full of pain the things between his parents were, even now from time to time he had nightmares of his mother crying as his father hit her and then her begging him; only a child; to pick sides.

He wanted to hold you close, to keep you away from harm and to listen to your laugh for days on end, for once his heartbeat quickened for someone, he found a safe place in your presence, you were an oasis after years roaming the desert. You were such an unusual kind of certainty in his life that he never had but that he had searched for so long.

While Kazutora realized rather quickly; in comparison to you; that you had wormed your way into his heart making a home for you it took you around three years and others pointing it out for you to actually realize that he meant to you more than a friend.

The first one was your mother although not as subtly but rather by saying that she was happy that you were now with Kazutora which took you by surprise because you weren’t.

That wasn’t the end of it, but only the beginning.

The next one was Hina one day you were sleeping over at her house, but the cherry on top was Chifuyu.

“Hey, I know it’s not really my business, but when are you going to get together?” he asked one time when you went out for coffee.

“What?” you asked mindlessly, stirring some sugar into your beverage.

“Yeah, you’re kind of driving me crazy, it’s kind of annoying feeling like a third-wheel without actually being one, just get it over with” he spoke before taking a sip from his own cup.

“What?” you snapped your head back to him.

“Is that the only thing you’re gonna say?” he looked at you through half-lidded eyes.

“Yes, because I honestly don’t understand a single thing of what you’re saying” you shook your head and took a sip from your coffee.

“What I’m saying is that it’s obvious that you like Kazutora” he said matter-of-factly.

“Of course I like him, he’s my friend, I like you too”.

“No, you don’t, you like me as your friend but you like Kazutora in a different way, a lovey-dovey way” he deadpanned.

“No, Kei-” you began just like you did whenever your mother used to bring up your love life or thereof lack of it.

“Baji-san has been gone for years already” he cut you, wincing as he said that and to you his words felt like a slap across your face.

“Look, I know, trust me, I do, but it’s been long enough and if there is someone that makes you feel good you should go for it, he wouldn’t want you being unhappy for him” he sighed and with a hand pushed his hair back.

“He asked me to take care of you because he wanted you to be alright, he wanted you to be happy and he’d probably punch me if I simply stood by and watched you being miserable” he pushed his cup to the side, leaned over the table to grab you by the shoulders and looked into your eyes seriously.

“I know you like him, don’t be an idiot, it’s painfully obvious with how you look at him and spend almost all of your free time with him, Baji-san won’t be mad at you for finding someone new and I believe that he’d be happy that it is Kazutora of all people”.

Before you could respond to that, the sound of a new message cut you off and when you looked sideways to your phone on the table, a soft smile graced your lips when Kazutora’s name appeared on the screen. Without thinking you opened it and it was some random video of a kitten; somewhere along the way it became a thing between you and it reminded you of how Keisuke used to send you daily pictures of the cats that went to his house.

“It’s Kazutora, right?” Your face grew hot once you came back to reality, remembering suddenly with whom you were and what you were talking about.

“I’ll let you be, but don’t be an idiot and let yourself be happy” and just like that Chifuyu ended that conversation and quickly changed topics.

You knew you liked him, you felt warm whenever he was around you, his voice soothed you even on the worst of days and you looked forward to his messages. You had learned to find comfort in his eyes but they were a wrong shade; not brown enough.

He wasn’t Keisuke. He’d never be.

A few days later you found yourself in the shop, helping around but constantly sending glances in his direction, his back facing towards you, looking painfully similar to Kei’s even down to the hair length, although the color wasn’t the right match with it’s blonde streaks you could still fool yourself into thinking it was him.

But then he’d turn to look at you and send a smile your way and there would be a beauty mark under golden eyes and a tiger tattoo where it shouldn’t have been and that smile was lacking a pair of prominent incisives peeking through.

You knew it was wrong to look at him searching for Keisuke, searching for your lost love in another, clinging to the remnants of his passing through the world but you missed him so much.

At times you felt like you couldn’t even breathe, you had even fallen asleep in front of his family grave after a long day if you went to visit at dawn after not being able to make it at morning but you had to visit him daily in order to feel in his company because if you ever thought of skipping a lump appeared in your chest crushing your heart.

Yet, even then, even when you realized it wasn’t Baji your heart would skip a bit and your stomach would twist.

Later that night you found yourself walking home with Kazutora by your side in complete but comfortable silence, feeling the warmth oozing from his arm that was left hanging at his side lightly brushing against yours, rising even the tiniest hair of your arm.

Kazutora had been going at it over and over for months. At first, when he realized what he felt for you he decided to bury it deep and forever carry it in silence but as time went on he craved your presence.

He started wishing for more, more smiles, those smiles to be only for him, he even found himself looking forward to getting hurt while playing with your cats because it meant that you would be cleaning up his hands and putting on a band-aid with the utmost care and attention even if they were the most insignificant scratches ever.

He liked having your attention, he liked that you replied to any message from him almost immediately; unless you were attending to a patient then you’d reply as soon as possible; he also liked how your eyes would get bigger whenever something amazed you or if you found something even remotely cute.

Your constant ramblings plagued his mind at every hour no matter if he was asleep. Hell, he even went to Baji’s grave to ask for permission to love you, even if he did so in silence he felt like he owed that much to his old friend because you were his girl after all.

Why did it have to be you? Why Baji’s? Why did you have to come into his life and be like the sun? You were too much for him, too perfect, too good while he was nothing but a mess, too fucked up, too far away from repair. For fuck’s sake, he was the one that took your boyfriend away, he would have been better off handling your hate but instead you were there giving him so much it almost pained him, only adding up to his guilt.

This had to be some sick game of the universe. God must have been having the time of his life laughing at how the killer fell in love with the victim’s old love.

Before any of you knew, you had already gotten home and like it became custom you invited him inside for a cup of tea.

As soon as you opened the door, your three babies rushed to the entryway to greet you, Jin being the very first, you hadn’t taken two steps inside when he was already brushing himself against your legs. The other two weren’t too far but to your disappointment Leo approached Kazutora before even looking at you.

“I’ll stop bringing you here, you’re stealing them away from me” you pouted while kneeling down to hug Jin who looked at Kazutora with no distaste, then you picked up Blue and let him nuzzle your neck, after that still holding him you went to rub Leo with your free hand once he finally took notice of you and remembered who bought him food and toys.

Kazutora’s hearty laugh filled your ears pulling your mouth from the pout into a smile.

“Leo knows who’s the cool one” he winked your way. “I’m kidding, he likes you more” he looked down at said cat “right pal? Isn’t your mom the absolute best?”

“Oh, shut up, flattery won’t take you anywhere” You felt blood rushing to your face so you stood up hiding your reddening face into Blue’s fur.

You hurried to the kitchen and then, out of his sight was when you put Blue down and started to boil some water, hearing over it as the door closed and seconds later Kazutora appeared with the other two trailing behind.

You ended up splayed on the bigger couch in your living room, your back leaning against his side while Jin laid on top of your legs while in Kazutora’s rested the other two cats. At that moment you were with your eyes closed, mindlessly caressing Jin while you listened to Kazutora talk to your cats in a baby voice that you wouldn’t have expected from him the first time you met.

For him it wasn’t easy to keep his cool, he had to school his face even if you weren’t looking at him and oh, his heart was so loud it was about to jump out of his chest and he wouldn’t mind but he didn’t want you to listen.

I’m sorry Baji.

A  meow of protest fell on deaf ears since he had stopped caressing Leo and Blue, instead turning his full attention towards you.

You turned your head and suddenly you found yourself way too close to his face; so much you could’ve counted every single of his lashes; staring up at a pair of golden eyes that were looking at you and only you as if you had been the one to hang up the stars in the sky.

His features were delicate, so beautiful it was heartstopping, he looked almost otherworldly; and not only because the ghost of Baji’s face lingered in his in a particular way; but there was a certain glimmer in his eyes that you had been noticing from a few days leading to that one, only that then it shined brighter than ever.

Unbeknownst to you, your eyes were reflecting Kazutora’s shine and your heart was beating to the same tempo as his starting up a melody of their own with your breathing getting caught up in your lungs making up the rhythm accompanying your song.

You were being drawn into each other like opposite poles of a magnet, barely any resistance was there and soon enough you met in the middle. At first it was the softest brush; like when you first dip your toe before jumping into the water; but it started a whole revolution inside both.

The brush became a second and then your lips were pressing against each other, basking in the warmth that radiated off that single contact that sparked a bunch of reactions at the same time. Your heart went off, your lungs closed; forgetting for that moment that they needed air and not that man to keep kissing you; and for the briefest moment your mind stopped thinking about Baji.

Kazutora was ready to die, if he was sent to hell at that very moment he’d be glad because at least he got a taste of heaven and it was more than enough. He decided then and there that he was bound to be cursed because how did a monster like him manage to get a kiss from an angel such as yourself? It must have been a sin for something so tainted to even look your way.

He didn’t know when your hand placed itself on the side of his neck but he knew that he was yours, if there was any doubt of that up until that point, it vanished with the way you were gently caressing his tattoo as if you were tracing it by memory, as if you had paid close attention to him, as if he mattered, as if he was something more than a broken thing.

Something inside you moved when a whimper escaped his lips the first time you pulled away for a mere second in order to get air before going in once more, this time ready to open your mouth and let him take while you explored. It felt nice, new; which was to be expected since the last time you had kissed someone this way had been with Baji.

Keisuke.

You opened your eyes and suddenly pulled away, almost as if his touch burned you; and in a way it could be said to be true; and your violent movement startled the three cats that you had ignored moments before, making them leave for your room.

The image of your beloved; death; boyfriend took Kazutora’s place, brown replaced gold and the beauty mark vanished, the yellow strands that framed his face turned jet black and the smile you’d been missing like crazy; that particularly his that showed his teeth was there.

You blinked a few times and his image left, allowing you to see Kazutora for who he was and not the ghost of him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came to me” he looked at you with tears gathering in his eyes almost pleading and you realized how it must have looked to him.

“No, Tora, I-”

I’m an idiot, I blew this up. Again I’ve just gone and ruined what good I had.

“I’m going now” he stood up and left for the door, leaving you alone and cold on the couch.

I’m sorry Keisuke.

You stood up and went after, finding him in the doorway hastily putting on his shoes but you grasped his arm to stop him.

“I will leave right now, it’ll be like nothing happened” you caught a glimpse of a tear trailing down his cheek and that sight prompted you to speak.

“No” your other hand reached for the fabric of his shirt, securing him.

“Y/N”

“I don’t want you to leave, I-” the words choked you, there was too much you had to say and your mouth wasn’t responding as fast as you would’ve liked.

“Don’t ask me to stay because if you do it’ll only hurt more when you tell me it was a mistake”

“But it wasn’t a mistake, I want you, okay? Kazutora, I like you” you at least managed to say the one thing that was clear in your mind, that had been clear for a long time but only got accepted after that one conversation with Chifuyu.

That certainly stopped him, for he turned around to fully face you and you saw his eyes filled to the brim in tears that he refused to let run freely.

You reached for his face as slowly as the first time you two met, giving him enough space to retreat, but how could he when the thing he wanted most was to be with you and bask in the calm that your presence brought into his messy life? When he didn’t give any signs of pulling away you smiled and cupped his cheeks as if you were holding a piece of glass; and in a way Kazutora was just as fragile as that material when it came to you.

He leaned into your touch, and you were bold enough to pull him in and rest your foreheads together, looking with all seriousness into his eyes, having deja vu of the first day.

“Why? Why? I- what I did to Baji, you know what I’ve done, I don’t”

“I really can’t say, I just do, it’s, it’s hard, okay?” you closed your eyes for a brief second before continuing.

“I swore that there wouldn’t be anyone else and now, now you are here and I like being with you but I know that is way different from how it is with anyone else, it’s something more, something I never thought I’d be able to feel again”

He smiled through his tears because after all he’s done, every mistake in his life said that he didn’t deserve you and yet there you were.

“But I also have to be honest with you” he braced himself for what would be your next words.

“I still love Keisuke, I will probably still be loving him even fifty years from now and that is something that will never change, he was my first friend, first time holding hands, my first love, first kiss, many firsts, he took most of them” you gave out a wobbly smile.

“He’s forever imprinted in my skin and I’ll always be his” he lowered his gaze at that. “But if you can accept that I’m willing to try this, I never dated; not really, not an actual relationship; after him but I wouldn’t mind it being you, I think we deserve a chance”.

His heart was thumping inside his chest making it harder to process everything so you waited while his mind raced. Kazutora looked into your eyes and knew he had to take the chance because you were what he needed and even if he was undeserving you thought him worthy.

A selfish part of him, the bad side said that he should be glad because if Baji was there he knew you would have chosen him, a thousand times you’d have chosen Baji over Kazutora and that pained him but what pained him the most was the fact that a tiny part of him was happy because now he had the chance to be with you.

He was taking the life Baji should’ve had, but he’d take good care of you.

He could live being second best if that meant he got to have you.