#for some reason i was convinced that everyone was like me and didnt care about children that much.

[ableedingpromise]

I can't relate to women who want a child at all. I don't even hate children, in fact i think they're very cute!! And i understand that it could be rewarding to help nurture another human being and help them grow.

But i still can't understand the need for one. Like I've never wanted a baby and never will. But it feels scary to know that I'll always be different from everyone around me. After twenty years everyone will be happy with their own families and I'll be alone :(

[viaviv124]

Bullfrog Character Study and why i feel so bad for him

Did you notice that Bullfrog does not cry at all until his execution? Not when Jade died, not when Pey'j died and, to our knowledge, not while he was in jail.

When Bullfrog talked with Rayman and mentioned Pey'j's death he sounded so bitter. Yeah he probably said it to hold a mirror in front of Rayman but also i feel like at first he didn't intent to say this, that this just slipped out and he then decided to roll with it. I do not know much about Assassins Creed but i do know that he had to embody the Brotherhood's ideology of freedom, peace and equality. To my knowledge to "peace and freedom" also counts "free of vengance/hatred/bitterness" and so on because these feelings do not make you free, hence why Bullfrog tried to stop both Dolph and Pey'j from acting in vengance (allthough with Pey'j it also was so the Warden doesn't detonate the bomb). And espacially because of the survivors guilt Bullfrog thinks he has to be the perfect assassin.

However, Assassins are just people too. People are flawed and cannot follow this perfectly. And Bullfrog was incredibly bitter. Probably not just bitter too, one can just imagine what he felt. He lost everything he cared about again. He failed again. Not to mention, i doubt he ever allowed himself to grief. And i feel like feeling that horde of emotions also lead to self loathing to a degree.

Bullfrog is supposed to embody the Brotherhood's ideology, hell, the entire brotherhood considering he's, to his and our knowledge, the only one left. He's not supposed to feel everything he's feeling right now, yet he does and it eats him up. The survivors guilt forces him to perfectionism. If he can't be the perfect assassin, then what is he? To him he's failing his ancestors and brothers, his fallen comrades, the ones he's fighting for, everyone.

And despite all of that he never once allowed himself to cry.

Except when he was convinced he was going to die.

Bullfrog cried during his final words as he apologized to Dolph for failing him. And i can promise you these tears weren't just because of the apology, no, in these few tears was at least a bit of everything that happend. Because he didn't have to stay strong anymore. He thought that's it. This is where he and the brotherhood will die. And he probably felt two main emotions in that moment. Hopelessness and relief. Hopelessness for very obvious reasons i doubt i need to elaborate, but relief? He didnt have that burden anymore. He thought he was going to die so that weight he's been carrying for who-knows how long would be off his shoulders. It's a very small price, but at least it's something.

Everything i've said so far is why a certain comic by @pitafish hits so hard to me. I won't show it here because i didn't ask for permission, but basically what happend is that Bullfrog and Ramon were lying in bed and Bullfrog had a breakdown so Ramon sang to him and hugged him to soothe and comfort him.

[Edit] i just got permission to link the comic so here you go

Bullfrog let himself cry. He let himself be vulnerable. He lets himself be an individual with his own thoughts and feelings instead of an extension/personification of the brotherhood. And most impressively, he did that in front of someone else. He let someone else soothe him, hold him, take the place of comfort he himself always took for others.

And that's what makes it hit so hard.

In conclusion, Bullfrog deserves a hug, a blankie, hot chocolate, to bawl his eyes out and some well-deserved rest.

[hijackalx]

GORTASH NSFW ALPHABET

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

hmm honestly feel like it depends on if hes feeling u or not. if he was just trying to catch a nut hes rude af. like before he leaves he'll throw a wet rag at u. and he used cold water to get it wet 🥲 BUTTTT if he really does like u i think he'll prolly run a bath for u both or something. i can see him washing ur hair/body for u 🥺

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

his chest duhhh lol thats why he walks around with his titties out. i think hes got a really good upper body in general. like shoulders/arms/chest. and i feel like hes an ass man. yes that means all booties ALL. he likes to spank, bite, and leave marks all over it. omggg the type to smack or pinch ur ass in public LMAO

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

yall already know im a firm believer that this man cums bucketfuls. he'll have u sitting there like "damn why is it still going" LMFAO almost exclusively wants to cum inside. to the point to where its hard to convince him not to. he wants to breed u sooo bad 😭😭

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

*NONCON MENTION* it gets him concerningly hard when u tell him no but let him do it anyway. like i dont think he would ever AGGRESSIVELY force u to do anything hence the "let him", but something about being able to change ur mind/overpower u does something to him *NONCON MENTION OVER*

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

well. i think hes an expert when it comes to pleasing himself (which is typically thru penetration, so for my AFABs if yall can finish vaginally just know he do be laying pipe 🤤) but he didnt really grow up caring about his sexual partners much lol. i do think he wants to please you though, like badly. thats the only reason hes willing to let u offer some guidance when it comes to giving oral/fingering u.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

mating press yall. like when he hooks ur legs over his shoulders and basically folds u like a lawn chair lol. also likes doggy though so he can pull ur hair and leave welts on ur ass lol.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

hes wayyyy too intense to be goofy at any moment while u guys are fuckin LMAO. like this man loves sex and gives his ALL. he puts his mf game face on and locks IN baby 😹😹

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

YESSSSSS !!!!! YES !!!!! this man is SO hairy EVERYWHERE !!!! the same texture as the hair on his head. im about to faint yall catch me

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

uhh. i can see him being kind of romantic on special occasions. but like i said hes pretty intense usually and to me that doesnt leave much room for romance lol. especially since he can be so mean too

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

yeah. like all the time. hes a hornball so if ur not around as an alternative he WILL be jizzing into his hand. omfg if yall are like, ever distanced from each other he will want to send nasty ass letters back and forth to keep him satisfied until u get back LMAO god forbid they ever end up at the wrong place

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

his office. will fuck on every surface and up against every wall. everyone else is afraid to touch anything in there 😭

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

he likes when u seem weaker than him, either in the sense that he has a physical or mental advantage over u. dont let anyone else treat u like that tho or he'll think ur a pussy lol

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

^^ as i mentioned letting other ppl have the same power over u as he does is a turn off. so if ur like me u got to grow a backbone or get the boot 🥾🤾‍♀️ 😭😭  anyway. i dont think he'll be willing to do anything that makes him feel "lesser" or more submissive. i mean u could probably trick him into doing it if u make him think its his idea or something LMAO

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

i genuinely think he eventually gains an affinity for giving ??? he likes the sounds u make and the way u pull his hair. so yeah, gives lots of kisses and will mutter a lot of praises while down there too. dont get me wrong though u better be giving back too 😹😹

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

rough as fuckkkk bro. doesnt ever like to be gentle. sex just brings out a lot of aggression in him. u will be sore and bruised after. if u convince him to chill out he'll be a pouty baby about it

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

anywhere and everywhere possible. i dont think its a goal of his to be seen by others while doing it but i also dont think he cares so that doesnt really stop him

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he'll try to get u to do all kinds of fucked up shit. including shit that is probably lowkey dangerous 😹😹 hes pretty sadistic so get ready gurl

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

15-20 mins max shawty lmao sorry 😹😹 and since he wants to act like a wild ape ur prolly not getting a round 2 since he wore himself out. but if u didnt get off in time he'll use his hand to help u finish even if hes sleepy 😴

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

will tease u at random times throughout the day by saying some absolutely horrendous shit in ur ear while ur in public and then acting like nothing happened. but usually doesnt want to waste much time before the act, so he might tease just enough to get u ready. nothing more though

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

heavy grunter and breather. will only moan occasionally if its really hitting right 😹😹 if u do get him to moan i can see it being decently loud. its like a reward

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

very high libido man........ prepare ur hole 🪦

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

sometimes he can stay awake long enough for aftercare but other times itll have to come after a power nap 😭 youll be like "bae how was it" and turn around to see him completely unconscious. snoring and everythang

[fefairys]

I just read up to the breakup with Meenah and Vriska and fuck, i really dislike that whole situation. Got any thoughts you wanna ramble about regarding that?

OKAY I FINALLY GOT HERE IN MY REREAD.

god yes everything involving meenah and (vriska) and the vriska (vriska) confrontation is extremely fascinating to me. mostly because i resonate with a lot of it so hard it hurts. long ass post below. i got very personal lol what can i say. i vriska.

(vriska) goes into people-pleasing mode when she and meenah are alone. it actually reminds me of how she would sometimes act with kanaya. the vulnerability, mainly. but like. its a little different. with kanaya it was more like 'youre the only bitch around here i respect, but im still better than everyone else. i want you to like me but i dont NEED you to! (<-lie)' but with meenah its like 'you are the only person i have and so i have to be good for you so you dont leave me.'

she backs down super easily with meenah. sometimes she does argue for herself, but ultimately she always ends up deferring to meenah. she wants to agree with everything she says. wants her to like her:

^ she doesnt want to say the carnival looks fun until she's gotten meenah's approval. she has to be cool for meenah.

her suggestion gets shot down and she immediately sides with meenah. oh yeah i didnt want to do that anyway in fact i hate horses!

it's tricky, because of some of it seems like actual Character Development, and her getting over some shit. and i definitely think these thinks dont have to be mutually exclusive. she can be realizing things about herself and moving on from them while at the same time falling into habits that are equally unhealthy for a person.

she realizes she used to care way too much about stuff and tries to counter it by not caring at all. she realizes she used to push people around to much and counters it by becoming a pushover herself. this is sickeningly relatable to me.

the scene where meenah convinces her to get a tattoo is a good example of this.

she realizes that a long-held opinion she had is actually kind of bullshit, and that she cared way too much about it for no reason. good job, vriska!

but then she pretty much leaves the actual decision of it up to meenah! she asks meenah to tell her what to do instead of thinking for herself. she justifies it by agreeing that she loves pirate stuff anyway! shes trying to make up for a lifetime of bossing people around by asking someone else to boss her around. and she convinces herself that this is making her happy! and i mean it definitely is, in a way. it feels good to feel liked by someone. to have the approval of someone you look up to. it is making her happy. but is that... good for her? i dont know! it doesn't feel good to me.

this stuff is hitting me extremely close to home on this reread because i like JUST came upon the revolution that i kinda did this? not to this extreme polarity, but it still resonates.

i was (kind of am still, it's in my nature) a very bossy and controlling person, and i lost an entire circle of friends because they were rightfully tired of me telling them what to do and being so self-righteous all the time. so when trying to make new friends after that, i turned on people-pleaser mode. and i'm kind of still stuck there and trying to strike a balance between being a doormat people-pleaser and being a huge bitch that wants everyone to behave how *i* want them to. it is a hard balance to strike. its hard knowing when i should stand up and say something and when i should let something go, so most often i let things go. and OFTENTIMES i live to regret it. "i should have said something" is something i've been finding myself thinking A LOT in recent months...

and its tricky, because it feels good when people i respect say they approve of me. i feel happy that someone likes me. but sometimes that has come at the cost of sacrificing parts of myself. and it can feel good in the moment, to feel connected to someone like that, but then one day you wake up full of dread because you dont know who the fuck you are anymore. (vriska) didn't really ever get to that point, or, she never voiced it. vriska points out that shes become an entirely different person, but she does it in a way that uhhh fucking sucks lol! and is not helpful, because vriska's not exactly doing great, herself! she shows off her hypocrisy DELICIOUSLY in this scene.

she calls (vriska) selfish for.... being dead, essentially. and she justifies all her own selfish actions with it being "for the greater good," just as she always has. this is par for the course with vriska

^ i looooove this part right here where she sidesteps the fact that she did in fact plan to go fight jack but john punched her in the face to stop her. "different shit happened!" (i actually made the exact same decisions as you, but an outside force changed things and now i feel superior to you because i got a serendipitous opportunity that you didnt)

this whole conversation hits hard with me. it literally sounds similar to conversations ive had with myself! it's hard to not want to side with (vriska) i mean she does feel like the more reasonable one in this conversation and has had more time to think and reflect on herself, and vriska is being a fucking asshole about it, but like, i don't think either of them is exactly Right?

like, vriska has a bit of a point that (vriska) doesnt seem to notice that she's gone people-pleaser mode. but (vriska) thinks this is what happiness is. she despises her old self who was obsessed with inserting herself into everything and feeling the need to be The Best and prove herself as such, to catastrophic outcomes. so of course she wants to separate herself from that as much as possible and strive to become the opposite of it. someone who doesnt care about shit, and who lets other people make decisions for her instead of her making the decisions for everyone against their will. i think (vriska) was on the right track, but just couldn't really... Get There without the right support. and meenah was definitely not the right support.

but anyways like. vriska yelling at (vriska) at how disgusted she is with her is so sickeningly similar to me, looking back and realizing that i used to like.. stand up for myself more. if someone said some shit i didnt like i TOLD them i had a problem. i didn't let people push me around. and i think god, what happened to me? i became a weak loser that bends to peoples idea of what i should be instead of being myself. am i really happy?

but its not like i was better off before, either. vriska still isn't right. yeah i didnt let people boss me around, because i bossed THEM around. when i told people i had a problem with them i was MEAN about it. i said rude shit unnecessarily. i made everything about me and didn't care about what other people thought.

my past self and my "current" self (maybe like, my 'a few months ago self' i like to think im working through it but im still having trouble lol) are disgusted with each other. im disgusted that i used to straight up bully people all the time, and past me is disgusted that i seemed to have stopped having convictions, that i let other people decide who i should be, etc.

neither of them are really happy, but (vriska) sure seems a lot kinder, at least. she's made progress, but in a way that benefits other people more than it does herself.

also i love vriska saying "what happened to not letting shit get to you because you always knew you were better than the one slinging it" that is such utter bullshit. she is ALWAYS letting stuff get to her. all of her god damn actions are because she lets stuff get to her. everything she does is to prove herself. the cycle of revenge shit?? yeah totally didn't let it get to you. thats why you killed aradia and blinded terezi. because you were just so totally better than them and not letting it get to you. this stuff:

yeah. letting it roll off your back. lol

anyways back to meenah and (vriska)

meenah recognizes this vulnerability in (vriska) and it scares her. she does the whole "im abandoning you... for your own good..." thing, which... sucks! as you said, this whole situation just fucken sucks, man.

(vriska) basically admits that at this point, without meenah, she's lost. she let meenah mold her into what she wanted, and to lose her would be to lose herself.

but i mean i don't think there was another way this could've gone. (vriska) was essentially meenah's rebound after aranea (and vriska is her rebound after (vriska) lol) and it's just.. ALL bad. its just... everyone here has such deep personal issues that they cant help but let effect each other, yknow? meenah realizes that her issues are effecting (vriska) and thinks that removing herself from the situation is best. maybe it is? it turns out okay for (vriska) in the end, at least. as "okay" as she can possibly get, i guess.

i don't know. there's a lot here! it all just hurts and sucks. teens, man. how it is.

this is just my (very personal, frankly) interpretation of the events, idk. i think i said a lot here without actually saying anything all that substantial, as i feel like i tend to do. i just resonate with vriska really hard, what and you gave me an opportunity to ramble about it lol

[ganondoodle]

just to note this, as much as i love botw, i am not uncritical of it, like while i personally like the weapon breaking and rain mechanics everyone else seemed to hate i do agree that the bosses and dungeons were kinda repetetive and there could have been more bigger sidequests, some more diverse epic music tracks also wouldnt have hurt tho i fully disagree with anyone trying to claim it didnt HAVE music, im convinced those people played it with sound off bc wth (edit. plus the unfortunately still orientalist design of the gerudo plus that belly dancer outfit for link ... that thankfully got removed in totk as far as i know but the rest still stands)

personal criticism id have that i would have prefered zelda never gaining her sacred powers but instead finding a different way to fight back, bc her gaining them like that kinda made rhoams abuse .. right, like turns out to activate her powers you need to literall kill everyone she cares about (at least thats why i feel a bit meh about that), her maybe not being as sidelined like that (tho youd have to change alot for that .. which totk had the perfect chance to and then kinda did it again but worse lol) and the yiga clan being less of one little side mission

(also way too many people kept hating on botw for the same few reasons, often without giving it a chance, i think we all heard all the endless complaints about usually little things so i dont need to retread all of that)

alot of those little criticism things got adressed in totk, which i LIKED, but overall its so much less in harmony, this should have been a game about rebuilding and recovering about working together and then zelda gets immediately booted off and we get introduced to characters we never learn enough of to really care and yet they still take away the mystery botw had left us for the world to feel more alive, they ripped out parts that were so internally organically connected to the world and pretended they never mattered nor existed, characters act off and i cant help but feel like the main 'plot' is, as much as i hate to use that comparison, a badly written fanfiction ... it builds on nothing and just leaves you .. or me at least feeling empty, like i am playing through a mockery of the game i loved ... like all the fun i had thinking about the things in botw, the theories you could come up with was all wasted time

i honestly cant describe it better than totk, despite the little QoL changes, and the changes i DID like, it just feels ... empty? not in a literal way but more ... mentally? it feels so shallow? like at multiple points i felt like the game was actively mocking me, when i reached the shrine of life and was faced with barren walls and a puddle of water i felt betrayed for caring so much about what botw had done .. i felt like i could hear the game laughing while i stood there not knowing what to think of it, and while this was the time when i felt the most actually physically compeltely betrayed, that feeling of being mocked kept happening, i kept feeling like i was treated like a dumb player character that just eats up anything they say without thinking or remembering the title this was supposedly a sequel of, like i should play with the little toys of glueing things together and forget the world around me like a 5 year old

that may sound harsh but that is how i, personally, feel about it

[haemosexuality]

about my tav, phynn (who is kind of a self insert):

phynn is a drow that was born in the underdark and raised by a lolth sworn family. after trying several times, she successfully escaped her city when she was 76. since then, she has been moving around a lot- living in areas of the underdark that are very near the surface and dont have many drows (she doesnt mind the deep gnomes and duergar), but mainly in the outskirts of surface cities, including of course Baldur's Gate. it took her almost a decade to get used to the sun

she is a thief, and a very good one. shes had odd jobs here and there but she makes most of her outcome by straight up stealing whatever she can find and then selling it. when shes in big, rich cities like Baldur's Gate, she does a looot of burglary. breaking and entering is like her favorite hobby. she also had to get very good at fighting, both bc of the whole drow thing and bc of all the criminaling

by the start of the game, shes 183 years old, having been living in and around the surface for just over 100 years. in a human au she would be like 24

PERSONALITY AND OTHER FACTS:

her morals are contradicting and alll over the fucking place. that is because i am not good at role-playing and will just do whatever the fuck but in universe is because she was raised by very hardcore lolth worshippers and then spent the next century mostly by herself and getting by by stealing. not a lot of time for things like developing a well established and stable moral code. id say shes chaotic neutral, but with a good heart?

her journey throughout the game at first made her better, she tried to be a good person, and then made her worse because that is a lot of horrible things that happened to her and all her new friends and she is this close to snapping and having a breakdown. also shes killed more people in the last like 4 months than she has in a whole century and that will for sure change a person for the worst. shes become very apathetic and just so goddamn Tired. she didnt sign up for saving the whole world she just wanted this damn tadpole out of her head so she could continue to sell stolen jewelry!!! fucks sake!!

as part of her total off the rails mental breakdown she also became a chronic kleptomaniac. she was a thief before sure but that was just like, her job for her, now its a real compulsion. her raiding everything and everyone she sees and its starting to worry the other companions. this is inspired by me going to GREAT lengths and doing everything i can to steal literally everything i see until i realized i really didnt need to be doing that i have so many shit in my inventory and like 30 thousand gold. then i started feeling bad for these fictional npcs that are not real people and are not important to the story whatsoever because everyone here is so poor i dont need to be stealing but i truly cannot stop. normal behavior

she actually misses some aspects of the underdark. she liked how pretty (and less sunny) it was, and the food. shes not lolth sword but shes not seldarine either, she just kind of doesn't care. obviously shes not a fan of drow culture, but she still gets pretty pissed when surface ppl start talking shit

she is a rogue! she also has some levels of fighter but i just got that for gameplay reasons.

shes dating karlach in denial she doesnt know if she wants to try to convince her to go to hell so she can live, or just accept her wish to let her die. this is inspired by me crying real life tears over this fucking character. also astarion is her bestie they gossip together

not much else to say about her personality shes literally just me if i was given free will to be chaotic insane and kill people

uhm when she met astarion she didnt realize he was a vampire at ALL she assumed he was an albino drow. he ran with it until she woke up to him almost biting her while she slept (canon game event). this is inspired by a comic i saw

APPEARANCE:

eyes: because she was born to a lolth sworn mother her eyes are naturally red. i also gave her cat pupils because that looks cool to me it makes sense that drows would have pupils that can better adjust to lack of/light like that i mean they live underground!! because she is me tho she cant see shit. she used to have glasses but they got lost early in the game in a battle to which she was just blind as fuck and had to be babysat by the other companions. that lasted less than a tenday (dnd week) tho because:

her right eye got Volo'd, and the glass eye volo gives us to replace the one he plucked out is Magic, and not nearsighted! she started covering her left eye with an eyepatch since, because having one eye that can see perfectly and one that cant is awful and confusing. when she doesnt wear the eyepatch, her left eye is always squinting

the glass eye has round pupils, so her pupils are different now too!

she dyes her hair different colors. with the power of Magic and Fantasy Hair Dye. tho her natural hair color is ofc white

has vampire bite scars from astarion. they have an agreement going on where he can feed off of her every few days. people are baffled that its not sexual (astarions traumatized ass included)

she bandages her chest because i cant imagine a worst curse than having to run around and fight and climb mountains with a large chest

[iamindebt]

Dussekar is an enegmatic and strange character, shrouded in mystery

[LONG POST INCOMING] [[like its massive]]

1st off, tell me if he EVER, at all , ONCE actively helps you

Chapter 1, Otempes does most of it

Chapter 2, Wiscara tags alongside you to take her scissors back and beats up herbrother ro do so

Chapter 3 you just go with Otempes, but THIS is when you meet Dussekar

Chapter 4 is primarily a solo mission, with Wiscara telling you where to go

Chapter 5 everyone tags along, EXCEPT Dussekar (put a pin in that for me)

Chapter 6, Tucker (who does not need to help) convinces you to take a more active approach instead of waiting for a problem to occur and then solving it (see chapters 1, 2, and 4)

Chapter 7 Base cleph and Otempes solve this, you coming along because Claire told you too.

Chapter 8 EVERYONE gets involved

...yeah hes not the defenition of a "team player".

2nd, Dussekar is just some guy, just some guy that got what he wanted because of a likely meaningless task

3rd, he seems to be apathetic or blatantly NOT CARE about scriptliss despite saying that he does. (put a note about the "apathetic part")

(from chapter 4)

D: ...So you have no idea who released you?

S: N-no... I couldnt see behind me because my entire body was chained... I have no idea who cut the chains either

(Dussekar glances to the paper ball chained to scriptliss's ankle)

D: Hmm... well it seems they missed a chain. And the clamp is tightly secured. Does it hurt to walk?

S: N-n-no... *sniff*

D: Whats the matter?

S: It's just that *sniff* You knew i was chained up... Didnt you?

D: Well... not quite. I heard some rumors. I knew your general whereabouts, but i had no idea you were actually chained up...

D: Im sorry for not going to check up on you sooner. I figured that, wherever you were, you'd be fine on your own.

S: But *sniff* Thats how we lost 1x1x1x1 to the void, too. You assumed that he was safe enough on his own...

D: Hey, can we change the subject? The protagonist is right over there.

S: Oh, hi! Didn't see you over there, Protagonist. Were're just chill out here. Isn't that right Dussekar?

D: Absolutely frigid.

S: Hah! What a Dussekar. Always cracking jokes.

(Nice save)

D: (Shhhh. Put a lid on it.)

This shows us a lot about the characters. Dussekar knew about rumors, meaning he forgot or didnt care to check on Scriptliss, who was IN HIS. WASTEBASKET.

Scriptliss does actually bring this up in their conversation (see red text), instead of confronting this or apologising for it, he changes the subject, focusing on protag.

Once scriptliss notices this he seems a lot more extroverted and friendly from his demeanor not even 5 seconds ago. Most likely scriptliss does not want anyone to find out what happened in pr2 but he does bring up some very good points.

There was no reason Dussekar should not have been able to check in on Scriptliss. Hes immortal, Dussekars immortal, his wastebasket is RIGHT THERE.

(seriously buddy, you cant spend 5 minutes to attempt to reconcile with you only remaining friend? he seems very willing now)

4th

(i would rewrite lanter and dussekars entire conversation but thats like rewriting the bloody bee movie script)

L: ...Are you even listening to yourself? You sound more like a tyrant than the god who you vanquished centuries ago. Just because someone stole your precious little plaything doesn't mean you have to fight so hard to get it back

D: The plotbook isnt a "plaything" its the reality we live in.

L: You truly are no different then the ancient gods who fought to protect everything they ruled over. Have you ever considered that Antagon might just be repeating your own history?

D: well, if you disagree with his actions as much as you disagree with mine, Why dont you go stop him yourself?!

L: Thats not the point. The point is, You need to see your actions from a different perspective before you draw definitive conclusions on people

D: Im well aware of how my actions affect others. I don't need anyone reminding me what the consequences of my actions are. I know exactly what ive done.

L: Alright then. What are you finally gonna do when you finally catch antagon? Surely your not going to send him to banland, are you? Hes just a kid, you know. Until recently, hes been living with his mother. What are you going to do then?

D: ...........

L: Hes just a younger version of you. Are you going to lash out at him when you finally get the plot book back?

D: ..............

L: Well?

idk man dussekar definitely looked like he was considering it. Its bad for antagon because hes a CHILD but its worse for scriptliss because hes immortal. like c'mon dude this is greek mythology levels of punishment.

why did he not try to revive tretone or tess,

major L moment right there

TLDR:

Dussekar as a character seems to show that he does not care about his old friend and has no issues with sending anyone he disagrees with to infinity jail.

it gets better after apologising about screaming at antagon and talking to scriptliss though :thumbs_up:

[theprinceandthewitch]

So... does anyone else get the impression season 3 was a giant middle finger to Disney? Like a whole "Oh, you want to cancel TOH? Fuck you. We are going to give you an ending so bad people are gonna shit on it forever."

While TOH always had an issues in the writing department there's just something about Season 3 that's particularly awful and kind of malicious tbh. Season 3 doesn't feel like there was any care put into it.

So... while I do like Thanks to Them because Hunter/Luz bonding and Caleb/Evelyn=Luz/Hunter tidbits... it's actually really, really bad. There is no logical explanation for why the characters are fucking around for literal months. Philip should know where titan blood can be found as he had SOMEWAY to get to TBI's. He also knew of Calebs and Evelyns relationship - thats why he even went to TBI's to begin with. He wanted to look for Caleb and convince him to come back to the human world. Philip met Evelyn when he and Caleb were teenagers and he was PROBABLY friends with her before he decided to double down on the witch hate.

Another thing: Flapjack did not need to keep quiet about there possibly being a rebus in the house and the existence of rebuses in general FOR MONTHS. He could have said the moment they came to the human realm something like:

"Hey so, Caleb and Philip were friends with a witch named Evelyn for years. There's titan blood hidden around Gravesfield. I know the landscape has changed over the centuries but you can probably find a vial somewhere by using glyphs near the location shown on the rebus. Caleb and Evelyn made maps to titan blood in the form of rebuses because they needed to keep their relationship a secret. This dilapidated house you guys arrived in when you came to the human realm is Calebs house because the doorways fixed location in the human realm is Caleb's house. There's probably a rebus somewhere in the house. If there are no rebuses in the house, I can show you the last known locations of other rebuses."

Because nobody does anything proactive to find a way home UNTIL Amity accidentally steps in the hole in the floor FLAPJACK made while looking for the rebus. Not only did Flapjack not bother to tell Hunter about there being a rebus that leads to titan blood in the house they fixed up and have been using as a base of operations for literal months - none of the characters ever thought to look around the town for some clues that could lead them back to the demon realm. All the characters try to do is build doorways. VEE could have mentioned there was a witch who came to Gravesfield centuries ago, which would have kickstarted their journey around town. Vee knows about the story because of Yesterdays Lie - and they fucking mention Vee's confrontation with Jacob and show us Jacob in Thanks to Them. THERES LITERALLY a whole museum full of rebuses that were dug up around Gravesfield the characters could have gone to. You cant tell me Gus, Amity, Willow and Hunter were too afraid to explore the demon realm as if they weren't literally living in the human realm for months and went on trips during their stay. As if they weren't gungho about exploring the human realm right after finding the rebus. AS IT they didnt have Vee as a reliable guide around town.

There's also no reason for Luz to go back to school when she has to find a way to get everyone back home. Luz going to school is another time waster with no reason to exist.

On top of that Flapjack doesn't tell Hunter a damn thing about Caleb. We dont even get a "Flapjack finds it difficult to talk about Caleb" moment to explain Flapjacks silence. We dont know WHY Flapjack doesnt say anything about Caleb even though Flapjack clearly belonged to Caleb and not Evelyn. He just lets Hunter read these history books about Caleb which might not even be completely accurate because history can be omitted and changed to fit certain narratives. And the stories about The Wittebane brothers and Evelyn are proven to be incorrect because they paint Evelyn as a stereotype AND as the person who killed Caleb.

But yeah, Thanks to Them is alot less enjoyable when you realize ALL of the characters are wasting time for no reason.

[minks-country-club]

Hullo can i know from your twitter thread with auror harry and unspeakable married harry and draco who rescued the draco that saved the unspeakable harry why did auror harry say it's only their timeline that auror harry and recent released draco didn't end up together? thank u i luv your threads

AAAAA HELLO DARLING!! Thank you so very much💜💜💜

So I apologise because I feel like I didn't explain that part very well.

So basically: Draco (in his late 20's), Kreacher and Harry (13 years old) were at Grimmauld Place when Sirius broke out of Azkaban and returned to Grimmauld Place. There was a confrontation — Sirius thinking Draco was Lucius because of the age and looks. However, after talking it out and some convincing from Harry's part, Sirius agreed to make peace and thank Draco for taking care of Harry up until that point. Draco told them everything he knew about the future deaths and that it would be up to them to prevent the deaths this time around.

That night, when everyone was asleep, Death came to Draco to collect him and take him back to his own timeline, saying that Draco had done everything he was supposed to do and there was no reason to keep Draco here anymore and that it would basically fuck up this new timeline if he stayed. Draco expected to die, so he asked Death if he could say goodbye to Harry before handing over his guardianship to Sirius.

It was a very sad, heartfelt goodbye with lots of tears and lots of hugs.

"You still have me," Draco told Harry. "You have younger me, the one in this timeline."

"But it's not the same!" Harry sobbed, "I want both of you! Malfoy is my friend! But you... you're..."

"I know, Harry," Draco smiled sadly. "But there's nothing else I can do. I have to go. But you still have me. You always have and always will. I promise."

"I'll find you," said Harry, full of conviction and tears. "In every life."

Draco only smiled, and didnt dare tell Harry that he wouldnt find Draco again because he would die in Azkaban because that's what he was doing before he went back in time — dying. If he returned to his timeline, he would die.

They hugged for the last time, Draco placing a gentle kiss on Harry's head. Harry didnt want to let go, but he did and watched Draco walk out his room for the last time.

Draco greeted Death downstairs and took his hand.

When Draco woke up, it was to the sound of a prison guard opening his cell door in Azkaban.

"Come on, Malfoy — up you get," the officer said, dragging Draco to his feet.

Confused and dazed, Draco went willingly. They took a portkey to the Ministry where another officer greeted them and took Draco down the halls to a meeting room.

"You have two hours," the officer said, and opened the door for Draco to enter through.

There, Draco was met with Auror Harry (from Draco's timeline) and Unspeakable Harry (the one Draco saved in the past) and Unspeakable Draco (past Harry's husband).

Past Harry married his Draco and made it his life mission to find the Draco that saved him so that he could return the favour and get him out of Azkaban. In doing so, he became an Unspeakable, as did his husband, and travelled to alternate realities to free every Draco still in Azkaban.

However, in doing so, he found that in every universe he travelled to, every Harry was already with their Draco.

Then, Unspeakable Harry and Draco landed in this timeline and knew this reality had to be the one with the Draco that saved him. He went to Minister Shaklebolt and asked him to pardon Draco, providing a pensieve of all his memories being raised by Draco and everything he did to help and just as a personal favour for the Saviour of the Wizarding World. Shaklebolt agreed, which is why Draco was released from Azkaban.

It was a lovely reunion between Unspeakable Harry and Draco, because it had been so many years for Harry, but for Draco it only felt like hours ago since saw Harry.

"So what changed?" Auror Harry asked, seething with obvious anger. "Why is it that in every other timeline, I get to be happy except for this one? What went wrong?"

[A.N. Now, I dont know why exactly in this timeline Draco and Harry didnt end up together since it follows canon events up until after the 2nd Wizarding War, but I suppose it's up to you. It could have only been 1 fleeting kiss or just a small little chat between Harry and Draco sharing feelings.

But its said that a new reality is created every time someone makes a choice with a different reality being created when someone makes a different choice. For example, you could decide to eat a cookie or an apple as a snack. So there will be an alternate reality where you ate the cookie, and another reality where you ate the apple.

I suppose that could be applied here, where most realites Draco decided to take the chance to kiss Harry or decided to open up to Harry about how he's feeling, which lead to a butterfly effect and multiple timelines of him ending up with Harry.

Obviously, in canon, this never happened, which is why Draco didnt end up with Harry. I KNOW ITS CONFUSING AND IM SORRY.]

So basically, in every other reality Unspeakable Harry explored, Draco made a choice to connect with Harry, a sincere moment of vulnerability, which lead to a deeper connection than they originally thought and therefore (through the butterfly effect) allowed Harry and Draco to end up in a relationship.

In this timeline, with Auror Harry (the canon one from the stories), Draco never opened up to Harry or kissed him, which lead to them leading separate lives.

Auror Harry is fucking pissed off cuz that's just not fair but Unspeakable Harry tells him to give Draco a chance and let him give Harry what he's owed — a life of happiness.

"Seriously, mate," Unspeakable Harry whispered into Auror Harry's ear, "you won't regret it. But if it doesnt work out then fine, you can at least say you both tried."

Unspeakable Harry and Draco say goodbye with another round of hugs and tears and another promise to meet again soon.

Auror Harry decides to give Draco a chance for friendship and says he'll owl him before he dismisses Draco.

☆☆☆

So yeah! I'm so sorry, I know that was long and probably very confusing😭😭 But I hope that at least makes it a bit easier to understand. If you have more questions then feel free to ask. Thank you so much for reading my Drarry threads, I'm so glad you liked them💜💜💜

For all the people who don't know what's going on, here are the threads anon was talking about:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

My Drarry ramblings:

[biquinntile]

TLDR: My biggest frustration being a late-diagnosed autistic is getting my brain to re-frame any of my behaviors. I’m having trouble figuring out how to help myself.

I was abused growing up, including some medical abuse, but my mom knew I had ADHD and lied to me and convinced me I didn’t. She never got a diagnosis but would ask me questions like “What are you, autistic?” I didn’t really understand what either of these terms meant back in 2012 when I was 13/14. So of course I said no, not even realizing until later that this was a rhetorical question (I am sighing so hard rn).

Fast forward to now, me age 26, being recently diagnosed as a person with ADHD and Autism. I spent my entire life up until now masking but even that feels like a weird word to use because it was never intentional. If I had needs not being met, I would find a way to get them met without talking to anyone or I would ignore them/push them away so that I “didnt have” that need anymore. In social situations, I made a lot of mistakes and found myself being very confused…so I would avoid being social altogether, or I would drill myself relentlessly before and after any social situation…and I mean any social situation. I remember people always criticizing me for “taking the long way” or not taking the most efficient route, but for me the “most efficient” route has never given me the results I wanted. It felt like I was a robot who had to constantly tinker with my own parts, with the goal being that one day I would be able to exist with other people naturally the way they do with each other. Not a robot, a person.

It’s very difficult to wrap my head around this not being a plausible goal anymore. I spent so long doing what was more difficult to mask symptoms I didn’t know I was masking. I spent my entire life operating under the belief that everybody was trying as hard as me to deal with sensory and socialization and all that jazz, it’s just that I was too weak to do it as well as they did. And it didn’t matter because I was doomed to fail.

I’m really working hard to not have such negative beliefs about being neurodivergent but it’s difficult bc in my brain I always hoped that one day I would just suddenly flip a switch and things would be easier. I would understand people and they would understand me. I wouldn’t spend weeks (if not months) obsessing over one singular topic. When I look back on moments where the autism was probably showing, I have all these memories of my parents calling me aggressive/angsty/spoiled/stupid/lazy/sensitive/etc. My stepdad would always say “You can’t be that stupid” and in my head, I would say “Well I guess I fucking am.”

All this to say, I have a lot of trouble now even recognizing when I’m doing a form of “masking” because it is so ingrained in me, and had I not done it, I would have faced worse abuse than I already had been facing. It took me until I was 24 to realize I was wearing a size too small in shoes because I believed a level of discomfort was just always a part of life, for EVERYONE not just me. I recently realized that I am not capable of crying in front of other people, even people I care about and trust, because when I used to cry people would find my reasoning trivial or tell me that I was too sensitive and they would (and I wish I was kidding) laugh or make fun of me. That is a silly thing to make fun of someone for, I know now, but I’m not sure how to change the behavior. I find day after day that there are a million things I’ve been overcompensating for or putting up with that I thought was normal or I thought I needed to do to keep up with everyone else (no wonder I feel so tired all the fucking time damn).

All this to say, I’m not even exactly sure what autistic symptoms I have or how to tackle them or even really how masking works entirely. I feel like I don’t know anything about myself. I don’t know how to help myself. Where do I even start? People keep throwing this “high-functioning” term at me, which I guess is fair, but I also feel like my bones ache at all times and I have constant rapid-fire anxious thoughts filling up my brain and I constantly feel like everyone on the earth is touching me and crowding me, even when I’m alone in my room. So I guess if I can keep pushing myself through those feelings, I’ll be fine and functioning fine but I don’t really think I can do that anymore.

Any advice or reading material would be greatly appreciated. Sorry if I didn’t explain things well. I’m trying my best out here

[pipsqueakparker]

throwing out some of my hc re: millie & blitzø - i really hope we get more of their backstory soon but until then here’s what my heart says:

idk where this originated from actually, but my nibling presented this to me and i’ve adopted it into my M&B belief system: millie & blitz first met when someone put a hit on her & blitz couldn’t do it, she was too fuckin good & beat him & he was impressed. that was when he decided to shift his business to hits in the living world, and ofc hired millie

blitzø is closest with millie bc her flavor of love & affection is aggressive & feels familiar (add that to the fact that she probably could have killed him & didn’t if we’re taking bullet one into account, Bonding)

actually millie is just really good at reading people and can tailor herself to fit the situation, she knows blitz won’t respond to anything too soft or vulnerable-sounding so she wraps all of her affection & care in nails so he’ll swallow it down

like, if we’re comparing I.M.P on an emotional availability scale, millie is the middle ground between moxxie & blitz

PME (pre-moxxie era), millie was the first person blitz would call if he was “bored”, aka in need of support but unable to admit/recognize that - they spent many a night getting shit faced in his apartment & watching movies while they bitched about their latest terrible dates or whatever bullshit they’d encountered throughout their days

literally they were ride or die besties pre-moxx & the only reason any of that may have changed was bc blitz saw millie genuinely happy & in love & distanced himself just enough to still be there and be friends, but also not get as hurt when she inevitably left him

on a lighter note, blitz was absolutely part of the m&m’s wedding party (i think he was moxxie’s best man, but millie almost argued to have him as a bridesmaid)

millie was the babysitter blitz references when he met moxxie - she & loona just hung out while blitz was off doing some dumb shit, they didnt even know what was going on until he pulled back up w this lil twink by his side the next day

i 100% believe he introduced m&m to each other, and he feels a weird mixture of pride in helping two people he cares about find love but also jealousy bc uhm excuse me you were my friends first what the fuck

the jealousy only wins out late at night when he’s already too tired and he can’t stop the intrusive thoughts and they just tumble down into feeling alone and like people are moving on without him - he went on a bender right after their wedding but ofc led everyone to believe it was unrelated (ok the note got dark again soz)

millie & blitz have a weekly coffee date where she manages to get him to actually talk about some of the shit on his mind, she’s the one that convinced him to see a therapist to begin with. millie fucking loves him and just wants him to be happy.

millie’s the only one that knows about a lot of stuff bc she just knows to follow up if blitz makes any weird comments

i just think millie knows how to pull info out of blitz even when he doesn’t wanna talk, she recognizes the walls and has figured out how to dig her way under them - but even she knows she’s only getting a small percentage of whatever is really going on with him

i hope the next episode will give us more on that, bc i feel like maybe blitz has been letting a rift open between them, especially since Ozzie’s, and maybe their relationship can be addressed/expanded on cause i wanna know more i love them sm

[dootznbootz]

hi! im so curious abt whether or not you have any hcs/thoughts abt when helen and penelope found out abt what happened to agamemnon and then later clytemnestra? (srry if youve answered smth similar before! i looked thru the tags and didnt seem to find anything)

With Penelope, I kind of have it planned where I go into a bit with how Nauplius, the father of Palamedes, goes and fucks with the other kings by going to their homelands and telling their wives they're bringing back a new bride so that the queens would, you know, take on a lover or boot out the king when he comes back.

I think it's funny af that Palamedes' dad went around trying to fuck with the other king's kingdoms and it worked as most of their wives had affairs but then you have Penelope, the WIFE of the guy who set your son up to get murdered, and she wasn't buying it. Got revenge on all the kings except for the one who was truly responsible because his wife was too cool.

I love imagining him trying to convince Penelope, who's already like "You're telling me, my husband, the embodiment of simping, is going to replace me? When he knows I'm the best thing that ever happened to him?"

But when she realizes who this man is??? She's fucking FURIOUS. this is the father of the man who put their CHILD in such a dangerous situation and is the reason why her husband is away from her. She throws him out but Nauplius gets to Odysseus' parents and...tells them he died. He lied so at least he could hurt Odysseus in some way at least...Also Ironic as Palamedes I'm pretty sure is a distant descendant of Poseidon. There's something there >:D

But idk for sure how EXACTLY I'm going to have it go down but I like the thought of the family at least COMMUNICATING and sometimes visiting each other. Maybe Penelope visiting Hermione as her auntie kind of. Maybe visiting her siblings, mother, and father (until he tries to convince her to remarry again. then she avoids him :( ). Same with Clytemnestra. And idk for SURE but everyone has an inkling that she's having an affair with Aegisthus but no one knows for sure. Penelope tries to bring up Nauplius but...isn't able to get anywhere (can't spoil everything!)

When she finds out what happens it's a "I KNEW IT!" and anger as she's saddened as she cared for both these people so much as she grew up with them nearby. First Helen was kidnapped, her husband is gone, she can't see her siblings as often, now another person she grew up with and cared about is not only dead but also the one who killed them was another person she cared about! And she doesn't know how Ithaca, being a smaller island as a whole, could help their children. She's sad for them but also knows that she already has so much on her plate that she can't really help them. (also somewhat selfish :P Her and Odysseus are like-minded)

There's a part of me that thinks that, being the somewhat "I will do whatever I have to do to get on top" part of her would just "play along" to get resources from Mycenae while deep down feeling like "There will be consequences" or she would completely ignore and no longer do things with them until Orestes takes it back. She's got a lot going on with the suitors as well so idk for sure yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WITH HELEN, that's much more complicated. She's been gone so long, and has to worry about getting back to her kingdom and looking forward to seeing her family again only to realize that some of her family has done something horrendous. Her sister killed her Brother-in-law! Menelaus' brother!! She grew up caring for Agamemnon as well! And also her husband is grieving!!! There is...SO MUCH going on. She's probably able to grieve a bit while in Egypt (because if I remember correctly they find out through Proteus, yeah?) There's grief for the sister she knew. She was ripped away from Hermione, how could her own sister not only kill her husband, but also send her children away and be so horrible to them?! But kind of in the same way as Penelope, so much on their plate with just returning, that they don't know how much they can do until later. I don't think they would be willing to do any sort of interaction with Mycenae afterward though. :P

Little side thing, but since I love MenOdy's BROTP, I'd like to think that Menelaus, being told by Proteus, a deity, where Odysseus was at, was kind of "mind-wiped" until Telemachus comes as "it's not the right time yet" with the gods. Menelaus and Helen realize afterward of "HoLY FUCK WE SHOULD'VE TOLD PENELOPE!!!" as they care about both Odysseus and Penelope. Also doesn't help that yeah, gotten news about bro/brother in law being murdered so there's a LOT going on. but I don't like to think they simply forgot??? when for one thing, I plan to write them as all very close?? NO >:(

It was just prophecy shit of "Hey, it HAS to be 20 years, mm'kay?"

[nakedbibi333]

hi okay so. around last week i read a post. i forgot which one but it basically said that the 3d is just your mind. idk how or why but after reading that everything seemed to click and i finally understood imagination being the only reality. from then i began to completely live only by what i saw in my imagination and constantly visualized me with my desires. when i saw smth undesired in the 3d, i would go within and imagine me with my desired body. i kept doing this and by the end of the second day and through the middle of the third day, i felt confident and embodied the verion of me with my desires mentally. i didnt care abt the 3d and lived in my imagination. but then by night, for some reason i struggled to visualize. i began trying to make every detail vivid and perfect and didnt feel what i felt before. ever since then i havent been able to visualize the way i did or feel it real. its like i have a writers and artist block but with visualizing 💀. do you have any tips

I feel like the pressure of visualizing with extreme detail can hold a lot of people back. I like to treat it like a daydream first, then convince myself it's really happening, even if I can't put all the sensory details into it. Usually, I just focus on one sensory detail at a time. If imagining hearing something is easier for the scenario I want to experience, then I will make that one sense as vivid as I can, even if the visuals and other senses are less detailed or not detailed at all. I wouldn't worry too much about this. Just do what you can. The most important part is convincing yourself of the reality of what you experience, regardless of how much detail you can give it.

Plus, not everyone needs to visualize. If it's too difficult, there's always another method!

[scourgefrontiers]

i think a lot about how much ive grown and changed as a person, not the least of which being how i went from a super heavy kinnie to someone who hardly kins at all

my journey with kinning was like...idk. it started with learning about what otherkin was, and i realized that damn i have a super strong connection with demons for some reason, and i genuinely wished i was an actual demon. this was in 2013 ish. that was my first time calling myself a kinnie

then my first experience with fictionkin specifically was with...unfortunately, prussia from hetalia lol. that was my first fictionkin. then shit got out of control from there bc then i proceeded to keep tacking on fictional characters onto my identity until they BECAME my identity.

i became a kinnie at a very interesting and formative part of my life--the mid-teen years. and honestly? i dont think it was the healthiest thing for my growth. b/c my identity sort of became...nonexistent for a while? i based my whole self around fictional characters. i didnt want to be myself because i didnt know who "myself" was. and unfortunately this lasted into my...well, mid-20s. im 26 now and it took me until i was ABOUT 24 to actually find my real core identity outside of fictional characters to the point of where i was proud and happy to know myself and call myself just...dan. thats me! im not dan plus fu, kidou, raditz, etc....im just dan. and thats enough!

so for me, being a kinnie was a result of not knowing who i was and using fictional characters to sort of fill in that hole in my identity. i wanted to be them b/c i didnt know who myself was, or maybe i didnt like who i was either and wanted to replace myself with them. i loved fu and lots of other ppl did, so i wanted to be him so i could be loved like that. i wanted to be funny like him. i wanted to be strong like raditz. i wanted to be smart and athletic like kidou. i wanted to be cool like dan phantom. i wanted to be anything but the real me and that hampered my growth as a person for a very, very long time

it took me a long while to reach the point im at right now--where im confident in my identity and dont need to use fictional characters as a crutch. and im not necessarily saying being fictionkin is inherently bad--it can be fun or even used to cope with situations such as trauma, i understand that--but when it came to me and my own situation, i excused it as being a "spiritual" thing and sort of clung to the idea that i was "soul-connected" to fictional characters who existed in another universe at the same time as me...which in retrospect was kind of a reach lol. but like. idk. it ended up not being spiritual at all even though i convinced myself it was. it was due to identity issues and, to an extent, actual real delusions--i genuinely thought that i HAD to uncover and piece together my "canon" lives to the point of obsession. it was super unhealthy for me and brought me so much unnecessary stress, everyone around me could see it too.

so uh. what am i tryna conclude here. i guess like. be careful? if youre a fictionkinnie, especially a young one, please take the time to do some introspection. is it just for fun? is it a lighthearted thing? or are you so intensely deep into it that its a huge part of your identity to the point of where you lost your actual self? to the point of having breakdowns over doubles? can you function in life without the kin part?

for the record, i still consider myself generally otherkin--i do still heavily identify with demons and have dreams of being a demon and all that good kin stuff. but its not who i am. i have a list of fictional characters i kin still--hidden and not advertised anymore--but its at the back of my mind now and is more of a casual "oh yeah im raditz haha" kind of thing if that makes sense? its not affecting my life as much as it did anymore and im happy about that

i hope nobody takes this personally lol. im just basically airing my thoughts about my own kin journey out and sharing my experience and thoughts abt the thing as a whole. end text post

[lwtqts]

no because that eunseok fic is relating a LITTLE TO WELL to my life..... okay a little storytime ONLY IF YOU'RE INTERESTED ‼️ okay so this girl i became friends with the beginning of freshman year decided to turn her fucking back on me out of no where, so its the ending of sophomore year for me rn and in January she had started to become distant and i didnt mind because yk maybe she was going through something and wanted to be alone but mind you i kept asking if she had a problem with me or something because yes i am an overthinker okok 😾☝️and I skip right to conclusions anyways she starts making our entire friend group distant from me (except for two girls whom ive known since literal diapers) anyways i start to get uncomfortable because wtf she used to be so nice and a girls girl until one day she snaps at one of the two girls and starts calling her names and telling her to fucking move on from a guy my friend was talking to at the time which mind you that girl shouldn't be talking because shes still obsessed with her ex from FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO 😭‼️‼️anyways that day she made the room hella uncomfortable and that day going home from school something didn't feel right and that's when i get a message from her asking if we can talk and i answer her right away cause fucking finally she spoke up about her attitude anyways she starts going off on me on how terrible of a friend I am, that I'm a bitch who makes everyone uncomfortable, I'm judgemental and opinionated and that I bring nothing but bad energy to everyone in my life and I was just sitting there in disbelief because wtf and not to toot my own horn or anything but I am one of the nicest people I fucking know 😭 I have gotten so many compliments from those around me on how I put others first and how I radiate mother energy, and how i put my own problems aside to take care of those around me and yes I will admit i am the mother of the group and i am proud to be that 🫡N E WAYS she would quite literally like the guys I liked or his BEST BEST friends and try to get with them 😭👎 and would always judge everyone but if you told her something she'd be mad and make you apologize like girl !?!? anyways me being the bigger person I apologize for those dumbass reasons and there we unfollow each other and that's it but I wake up the next morning to MULTIPLE messages from this girl talking about how if I was to talk shit id do it to her face or that i need to shut my mouth on social media, GIRL THE WAY I WASNT EVEN ON SOCIAL MEDIA BECAUSE I NEEDED A BREAK FROM IT TO RETHINK ABOUT THIS GIRL AND HER INTENTIONS THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE FRIENDS AND SHE PULLED SOME SHIT ASS LIES FROM HER ASS AND KEPT ACCUSING ME 😭 what's so funny though is that she was the one talking shit on me on social media but as I was realizing this I get a text from one of the two girls and she sends me a screenshot of all the shit that the girl was talking behind my back, FOR 2 MONTHS SHE WAS TALKING SHIT ON ME WHILE ALSO PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND 😭😭 AND THE BEST PART ABOUT ALL THIS IS THAT SHE IS GOING AROUND PAINTING ME AS THE FUCKING VILLIAN DUDE 😭😭😭 AND SHE LITERALLY SWITCHED OUR FUCKINF ROLES AND SAID I WAS THE ONE TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP LIKE HUH !?!?? since it's been months of that happening I catch her ass glaring at me and STILL spreading rumors about me but almost everyone in my school knows I'm so sweet and I've known a majority of those people since kindergarten and that girl just moved to that school so 😭 honestly I just continue to let her bark because I don't like problems with anyone and I like to be the bigger person 😓 also she turned the friend group on me by convincing them that I was talking shit on them which I wasnt and now only those two girls talk to me! lol sorry for this long ass storytime I was just thinking about how yunjin is sounding a little TOO much like this ex friend of mine 😭😭 if you want more details I have PLENTY GIRLLL like the tea is boiling over!! okok tyyy 💗 (I love your work smmm but eunseok pisses me tf off in that fic 😞🤞)

BRO WHATT😦😦😦😦

im literally mouth open what the actual fuck, i hate people like this fr like what the fuck is their problem. i had a friend like this too which was at the beginning of the year and she started talking shit on me bc of a guy who i happened to like too BUT i didnt know she liked him because she never told me, and she started talking shit on me and making me look horrible saying shit like im a pick me girl, i need male validation and attention, but girl i literally did NOTHING to her but like this guy and be friends with him, i confronted her later on and she shut up real quick admitting that she was jealous of me. ugh but i hope you find better friends soon ! because from what i know, people who talk shit on you who happen to be your friend are jealous. but like if you ever need someone to shut that girl up rq, dm me because no way in hell is she gonna get everyone on her side nuh uh🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

[ha-youwish]

This is not a vent post, it’s a book recommendation and self-analysis kinda. Please consider reading this, I won’t blame you if you don’t.

Last year around this time, my granddaddy passed away. Usually, online and in formal spaces I would call him my grandfather, but that’s not what I call him and I will not limit myself for this post.

Last year around this time I was beginning my second semester of college ever. I was not doing so well. My grades were low because my attendance was abysmal and my work outside the class was shit. However the previous semester I had taken a class that I was able to stick around for more than the rest.

This class was studying how different major religions and cultures coped with death and how they thought of the afterlife. I bought the books for that class with financial aid and never read them.

Just now I got done reading one of the books, When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner, never read it until I found it sitting around today.

It’s a relatively short book, under 200 pages, about how Kushner deals with the question “Why do bad things happen to good people?” from his place as a rabbi.

Now I don’t have any sort of relationship with god. i’m not strictly atheist or anything but i tend to believe in whatever religion people want me to believe in if they ask me to pray for them or a family member.

when grandaddy died, i had nothing to fall back on. granddaddy was extremely religious and generous, i am so incredibly grateful he was involved in my life and there for me. but people from his church said it was a part of god’s plan or that there was a reason he passed when he did and when i was in such a low state at college already.

i moved away to college and the landlord sold my home. i was in an unfamiliar uncomfortable place where the only place i felt fully comfortable was now completely inaccessible. my mom moved in with grandaddy and took care of him before he passed. it was tense. he was kind but old and stubborn and so is everyone else. the drain of taking care of someone can be worth it, but that doesnt mean its not there.

i was, and am, dealing with severe depression surrounded by other gloomy people who didnt make it much better. i never went to class and i had, and have, crushing guilt that i was wasting the time and money of my family.

and then granddaddy went to the hospital. and then he died. and its unfair.

all of it is unfair, and if it was a part of gods plan then hes fucking unfair too.

now, i have not necessarily moved on. my fingers shake still if i think about it too long. i dont even know if im going to post this because of how exposed and raw i feel. but its important to me that somehow in some way this gets expressed and that someone other than myself will read it.

your suffering was unfair, whether it was a lot or a little. the world is unfair. we all know it. i hope you know that you will never be able to look into the eyes of someone who has never known suffering, and i hope you can find some comfort in that connection.

this book is from the point of view from a religious man. it talks a lot about a god i dont believe in. but the way it talks about suffering and how it effects people makes it helpful for me to parse my own feelings and thoughts.

so feel free to replace god with whatever you want, with humanity and spirit and the universe and everything good. here are some quotes, alt text included:

- sometimes i convince myself that what i feel is nothing more than chemicals, that the regret i feel from not driving home the day before and visiting before he passed was just something my mind is doing.

i once stayed up late at grandaddys house after he passed and i was shoved right back into school like my life hadnt just gotten its shit rocked.

my mom was in her room asleep, but i really couldn’t take it anymore. we stayed up late just talking through how we felt after i had cried to her. and to be completely honest, hearing that she had regrets and wished for just a little more time fucking sucked. knowing the people around you are going through it sucks, even if it was to be expected

but we connected over that long early morning. we resolved almost nothing. i felt the same as i did before and granddaddys still dead and buried. but it was easier to go on after that.

another quote, a tldr if you don’t want to read the book but want to understand what he gets at, in the end of it all.

i dont think i can forgive other people for being unfair, not without effort. but i think i can forgive the universe because the unfairness is proof that people have choices. shit happens, you choose what to do after it.

for a lot of people, mourning and religion bring them the strength to move on, as he talks about in the book. things dont get better because of prayer that god will fix everything or the universe will set itself right again or you can escape through fantasy books to another world,

they get better because something gives us strength to get up again and keep moving. to kushner, thats god and people who came together to support him. to me, i dont know yet, i dont know if i’ve really started to pick up my life yet. but i think this book helped me start to see the bigger picture