#and since the only people ive ever seen wanting children were women it shocked me even more.well not “shock”

[ableedingpromise]

I can't relate to women who want a child at all. I don't even hate children, in fact i think they're very cute!! And i understand that it could be rewarding to help nurture another human being and help them grow.

But i still can't understand the need for one. Like I've never wanted a baby and never will. But it feels scary to know that I'll always be different from everyone around me. After twenty years everyone will be happy with their own families and I'll be alone :(

[inqilabi]

hope youre doing well, and wishing you peace 🌸 i wanted to hear your opinion on this pls because i think youre one of the smartest, most eloquent women on "radblr" and i dont mean this in a parasocial way bc i know i don't know you, but i do look up to you ... what do you think is to be done abt this western queer nonsense? how are we going to get out of this? do you think people will start to wake up, or are we going to be stuck with it getting worse and worse? its gotten to such a ridiculous level. i dont know anymore how feminism or hell rationality is supposed to exist when its becoming the dominant idea among liberals/leftists that youre a nazi for knowing bio sex exists or for saying i shouldnt be forced to suck dick as a lesbian. going so far as to change medical books and terminology concernes me greately. ive been in the west for a decade, ive seen trans ideology and choice feminism rise before my very eyes, and im still shocked at the level its gotten to. it feels a bit like allah is playing some practical joke on us, like this many otherwise "woke" ppl cant possibly lack critical thinking so hard and be so indoctrinated. and while it brings me comfort that radical-like feminism is the norm around the world and this queer theory isnt that prominent back home, i does freak me out that i see it being imported into the non-western world too.... it scares me to see this movement that is so incredibly sexist and homophobic keep growing. it scares me that "liberals" "leftists" "progressives" are selling all this shit as liberating and progressive when its some of the most regressive stuff ive ever seen.... i dont know how to have much hope or see a way out when even the libs&leftists have become such a big part of the problem

Yea actually the ngofication & importation of this non-sense backhome concerns me because I would have liked to see a native lesbian & gay liberation develop. This liberal NGO supported imperial BS you see backhome is only in the liberal urban city centres anyway.

Imo unfortunately in the west we’re going to have a large number of destransitioners. And this will be the internal checkpoint to bring us back to so,e level headedness. Because there’s a lot of permanent harm being done to a lot of children who obviously do not fully understand the life long consequences of the hormones and how it makes them an eternal lifelong medical patient. So in time, may be next 5-10 years I anticipate a large pushback to the liberal non-sense we’ve seen since 2010.

I think in the GS, we’re not going to see this stuff catch on. Because most of the GS communities already have gender variant communities that are not medicalized. The fafafine for instance think the western trans id is ridiculous, to them it is a weird concept to try to transition to be accepted as another sex. Because to them, you can’t change sex. For better or for worse, the third gender communities back home have an actual community role etc. which was actually afaik their roles and support systems were degraded after colonialism. But all this to say, many third genders have a social role and are accepted, and do not see themselves as women.

[transmalewife]

I've always found it extremely weird when there's a post like 'society has evolved past the need for england', or 'let's sink britain into the sea' in the context of transphobia and then theres a million comments like um actually british trans people are the most affected by transphobia in britain how dare you suggest that bc like. ok.

1. I live in poland. I'm trans. poland is extremely transphobic. I make jokes about getting rid of this entire country every day of my life, and so do many trans people i know. I've never seen someone go but uwu I'm polish and trans how dare you say that

2. there are british trans people who do the same

3. if someone is saying we should get rid of england because it's transphobic they're like... pretty fucking obviously not advocating getting rid of trans people

4. It is in fact, a joke. like try as we might tumblr gays are not actually capable of sinking an entire country into the sea

5. Why the fuck is your attachment to the label of "british" strong enough to overlook all of that and jump into defensiveness?

Idk i feel like it ties into the whole "british people say yewchewb- YEAH AND AMERICANS MURDER CHILDREN WITH GUNS" thing. apparently there's now discourse about english breakfasts now, of which ive thankfully only seen the tip of the iceberg, where people went HOW DARE YOU INSULT WORKING CLASS FOOD, for something that turned out to be 100% aristocratic in origin.

I just think it's interesting how joking about getting rid of the us, hungary, poland, canada etc are all acceptable, but not britain, especially since a lot of discourse online focuses on how blatant the nationalistic propaganda is in the us, and how We Europeans would never recite a pledge. But maybe because it's so obvious in the us, people actually see it for what it is. If you're british, and trans/an ally, and your first reaction to someone saying "we should destroy britain because it's transphobic" is "how dare you say someone should destroy me" maybe you should reavaluate why your gut reaction is to think of yourself as british first and trans second. How you're willing to argue with people calling out transphobia just to defend your identity as part of a nation that colonized half the world and is currently actively harming you.

I think a lot of how people have been reacting to transphobia in england stems from this idea that the uk is a First World Country after all, of course those barbaric eastern europeans would have their draconian catholic abortion and lgbt laws, but we the woke, we the civilized would never, so they just react surprised pikachu meme to any reactionary politics in their home country. (relevant anecdote: when I was 11 I went on a school trip to the uk and the british girls there were shocked to see we had our little flip phones. Like they genuinely thought poland was just overgrown with woods and we had bears roaming the dirt roads). Well, I hate to break it to you but poland gave women the right to vote at the same time the uk did. we had legal abortion earlier. the age of consent has been the same for all sexualities since 1948 (compared to... 2000 in the uk. that's insane. like i'm literally older than the most basic aspect of gay rights in the uk) I'm not saying that just because we didn't have laws against it poland was a gay heaven or anything, far from it, but british people need to reexamine the way they have been indoctrinated into believing themselves better than everyone else by virtue of being british if they ever want to contribute something valuable to progressive politics

[tonystarktogo]

(this could’ve been) a villain’s origin story 

part IV

For @shitistanstank who wanted to see Bucky’s reaction and @everything-is-applepie who asked for more [Warning: Bucky is an unrepenant killer and his mindset is dark(er) than Tony’s parts were]:

James hates mentals. Doesn’t matter if they can read your thoughts, break out illusions that have you question everything you believe, make you forget everything you are, everything you used to be or if their powers are even more insidious -- every single one of them is a manipulative fucker with a god-complex. 

Usually, James doesn’t generalise like that -- it leads to assumptions and assumptions lead to stupid mistakes that get you dead -- but in this case he’ll make an exception. It’s widely known that, as fussy as the Winter Soldier can be about his jobs, he always takes contracts involving mentals. Doesn’t matter how old they are, what gender, how powerful, what specific abilities.

Mentals are weapons in a way that physicals aren’t, can’t ever hope to be -- and it doesn’t matter what their intentions are, what fucking alignment they hold -- like alignment isn’t just a skewed personality test gone wrong -- or what laws they follow.

[Every supe uses their power. You can’t not. You can’t be less than you are, even if some like to pretend otherwise. Like to play at being human, idealising what they’ve lost and will never achieve again.

Even when you don’t want to, even when you train yourself mercilessly, grit your teeth against it-- a supe’s first instinct is to use their abilities to the fullest. To survive. To live. To make life more comfortable.

There’s better men than James out there who like to offer long lists of requirements, of all the people they refuse to kill. As though not killing children, women, supes, humans, whatever the fuck their line in the sand is, somehow absolves them from the fact that they kill others for money, power or pride. As though having rules -- morals, as they like to sneer pretentiously -- makes them better, when all they do is choose and find one life more worthy than another.

James doesn’t have a list. He takes a contract or he doesn’t, depending on whether he trusts the contractor to pay up and not stab him in the back while he’s at it.

Have you ever seen a five-year old in a temper-tantrum that can bend the minds of those around them to their will? Have you ever considered what a toddler with the ability to erase memories is, what they become? Do you really think it was morals that kept anyone under fourteen from being chosen?

Rules, after all, are rarely implemented before they’ve proven to be necessary.]

The problem with having a reputation for killing mentals is that mentals don’t take kindly to being killed. And it’s hard to be prepared for a threat you don’t know exists until it reveals itself and tries to twist your mind into hushquietobeybenothing.

Granted, that doesn’t stop most of the stupid ones who track him down from monologuing about their righteous revenge before they get on with it. So convinced that just because James didn’t see them coming means he won’t kill them anyway.

Arrogant fuckers, all of them.

He’ll make them regret that before he’s done.

At least the last set of attackers wasn’t stupid. Makes it more of a pain, but ultimately a more satisfying fight. And fuck, if he hadn’t been blind-sided by the witch, James would’ve gotten away clean. But Scarlet Witch [And what kind of bullshit name is that when everyone knows her powers are anything but magical?] has been a persistent pain in his ass for a while now.

She’s smart and powerful and embodies everything James despises in a mental. The only reason they haven’t gone to war so far is because Scarlet Witch couldn’t care less about mentals as a whole. The only thing she values is her brother -- and the guy is a physical. A physical James wouldn’t try to land a hit on unless he was 100 percent sure he could take out the witch as well.

And Quicksilvers is a hard man to hit.

They don’t have an understanding of any sort because James doesn’t do understandings with mentals. But The Captain does, which puts Scarlet Witch and James into an awkward position as far as battles go. That’s the only reason James assumes their last showdown was an accident -- and, also, presumably the only reason he wakes up at all.

James doesn’t wake up slowly. Hasn’t since they shoved the pills down his throat for the first time, back before they realized that injections were that much more effective.

[The doctors never did figure out why James activated at all from such a low dosis, why he survived at all when the pills turned out to be useless with the sole exception of him. Granted, James killed them roughly forty hours after the first test, which might have played a hand in that.]

He comes to from one moment to the next -- finally, finally free of the black nothingness the witch trapped him in [nothing like what she can do, or so the rumors go, but that doesn’t make him itch to see her brain splattered over a sidewalk any less] -- and is immediately aware of his body, his surroundings, himself.

He’s in an unfamiliar place. He’s half-naked. He’s in a negligible amount of pain. He’s unrestrained. He’s not alone.

James is up and moving before the observation fully sinks in. It doesn’t have to. He already has all the data. [Has pinpointed the steady breathing and puttering motions of one person, placed him to his left, four steps, notices his odd surroundings even as he moves. There’s a wrench in easy reach that James aimes before he even sees the person -- man, young, brown hair, a head smaller than him -- and throws before he’s finished taking stock of his surroundings.

It’s more reflex than cold-blooded murder, really, not there’s much of a difference between the two where it concerns James.

The man ducks, proving that he’s not quite as idiotic as James initially assumed for keeping him unrestrained in his direct vicinity. That or he has good instincts.

He’s not a mental though, James can tell. He can always tell. His killing intent goes down a solid 60 percent with that realisation, though that still leaves him with plenty to work with should his potential client [James has lived through weirder recruitment strategies, though not all those potential bosses have] and potential victim prove troublesome.

It’s not that James wants to kill every human he meets. It’s just that he prefers to plan for the eventuality of needing to kill them and how to accomplish it efficiently, rather than be caught off-guard when the inevitable happens.

[There’s something that never made it into any of the papers and articles about supes and it’s this: A supe’s life is insane. There’s no logic, no rationality, no clear reason why you can’t go to a public swimming pool without accidentally ending up in a lagoon filled with starving piranhas. The Captain once theorized that supes offend the natural order or balance and this is nature’s way of striking back, of wiping them out. That or their unnaturalness attracts similar insanity.

James thinks that’s bullshit, not that it matters. He still has to live with the painfully ridiculous situations he tends to get himself into, after all.]

As such it really is nothing personal that as soon as James finally gets a clear view on the man -- kid, really, can’t be a day over twenty -- who’s found him, he immediately plans the guy’s death. It’s not like he acts on it right then, James isn’t a total barbarian.

He even gives the kid time to regain his footing and stare at him in shocked surprise, mouth half-way open and holding a bag of marshmallows as though those will somehow soften the next blow.

James is not gonna lie, he totally expects the boy to pull a sonar death ray, explosives or something similar out of some hidden stash and start some tirade about James having killed his parents and how he’s been planning this moment for a long time, or something along those lines.

Not to offer him marshmallows.

James gives the innocuous bag the deeply suspicious look that offer deserves. 

[On an unrelated note, his respect for the boy rises a smidge. James doesn’t know many people with the foresight to keep something ans inconspicious as poisonous marshmallows within easy reach.]

“No.”

“Oh.” The boy looks disappointed.

A scientist eager to see his newest creation in action? James doesn’t frown, but it’s a near thing. He’s not fond of scientists. [They tend to end up dead in his vicinity, but most people do.]

“Can I offer you something to drink?”

James raises his eyebrows, but fairly obvious attempt to drug and or kill him aside, he’s never before wasted a chance to be a little shit and he’s not planning on starting to now. 

“You can.”

The kid blinks. Snorts. “Oh, I like you.”

James smirks. He can’t recall the last time anyone told him they felt that way, but he doesn’t recall very many things beyond how to hunt and make them bleed.

“You’re the exception of the rule then.”

The boy laughs and if James wasn’t what he was, he wouldn’t have heard the bitterness echoing it. If James looks closely, he can even see the fractures in that pretty, wide smile.

“Believe me, Goggle Eye, I’m the exception of every rule.”

[It’s a good hour later, after the kid -- call me Tony -- has recounted where he found James and needled him endlessly -- “Come on, there’s got to be something you need! If not food or clothes, what about information? The adresses of your attackers? Schemantics of the newest SI rifle? Clean papers? Give me something!” -- that it occurs to James. A stray thought that nonetheless leaves an impression: It’s a good thing he’s human.

Because there’s something broken underneath Tony’s easy words and open gestures, something sharp and jagged -- still bleeding -- that was crushed and never healed quite right. Because when it comes down to it, you can forget the pills and the injections and the endless treatments and experiments designed to push for moremoremore. Because all the miracles of modern technology can’t build a monster out of spite and thin air. The drugs only reveal the potential that’s always been there.

And there’s no doubt what Tony would have been, should he have found himself among the test subjects.

His mind is a weapon worth killing for already.]

James leaves Tony’s lair two hours later, armed Quicksilver’s current adress -- one can never have enough leverage --, detailed information on four potential targets and the knowledge that Tony is the kind of competent that is as useful as it is dangerous and has an agenda James doesn’t yet understand. 

He’s not yet sure what to do about the latter.

[birdlord]

Everything I Watched in 2020

We’ll start with movies. The number in parentheses is the year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. Here’s 2019’s list. 

01 Little Women (19)

02 The Post (17) 

03 Molly’s Game (17)

04 * Doctor No (62)

05 Groundhog Day (93)

06 *Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home (86)

07 Knives Out (19) My last theatre experience (sob)

08 Professor Marston and his Wonder Women (17)

09 Les Miserables (98)

10 Midsommar (19) I’m not sure how *good* it is, but it does stick in the ol’ brain

11 *Manhattan Murder Mystery (93)

12 Marriage Story (19)

13 Kramer vs Kramer (79)

14 Jojo Rabbit (19)

15 J’ai perdu mon corps (19) a cute animated film about a hand detached from its body!

16 1917 (19)

17 Married to the Mob (88)

18 Klaus (19)

19 Portrait of a Lady on Fire (19) If Little Women made me want to wear a scarf criss-crossed around my torso, this one made me want to wear a cloak

20 The Last Black Man in San Francisco (19)

21 *Lawrence of Arabia (62)

22 Gone With the Wind (39)

23 Kiss Me Deadly (55)

24 Dredd (12)

25 Heartburn (86) heard a bunch about this one in the Blank Check series on Nora Ephron, sadly after I’d watched it

26 The Long Shot (19)

27 Out of Africa (85)

28 King Kong (46)

29 *Johnny Mnemonic (95)

30 Knocked Up (07)

31 Collateral (04)

32 Bird on a Wire (90)

33 The Black Dahlia (05)

34 Long Time Running (17)

35 *Magic Mike (12)

36 Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (07)

37 Cold War (18)

38 *Kramer Vs Kramer (79) yes I watched this a few months before! This was a pandemic friend group co-watch.

39 *Burn After Reading (08)

40 Last Holiday (50)

41 Fly Away Home (96)

42 *Moneyball (11) I’m sure I watch this every two years, at most??

43 Last Holiday (06) the Queen Latifah version of the 1950 movie above, lacking, of course, the brutal “poor people don’t deserve anything good” ending

44 *Safe (95)

45 Gimme Shelter (70)

46 The Daytrippers (96)

47 Experiment in Terror (62)

48 Tucker: The Man and His Dream (88)

49 My Brilliant Career (79) one of the salvations of 2020 was watching movies “with” friends. Our usual method was to video chat before the movie, sync our streaming services, and text-chat while the movie was on. 

50 Divorce Italian Style (61)

51 *Gosford Park (01) another classic comfort watch, fuck I love a G. Park

52 Hopscotch (80)

53 Brief Encounter (45)

54 Hud (63)

55 Ocean’s 8 (18)

56 *Beverly Hills Cop (84)

57 Blow the Man Down (19)

58 Constantine (05)

59 The Report (19) maddening!! How are people so consistently terrible to one another!

60 Everyday People (04)

61 Anatomy of a Murder (58)

62 Spiderman: Homecoming (17)

63 *To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (95) Of the 90s drag road movies, Priscilla is more visually striking, but this has its moments.

64 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (92)

65 *The Truman Show (98)

66 Mona Lisa (86)

67 The Blob (58)

68 The Guard (11)

69 *Waiting for Guffman (96) RIP Fred Willard

70 Rocketman (19)

71 Outside In (18)

72 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (08) how strange to see a movie that you have known the premise for, but no details of, for over a decade

73 *Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country (91)

74 The Reader (08)

75 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (19) This was fine until it VERY MUCH WAS NOT FINE

76 The End of the Affair (99) you try to watch a fun little romp about infidelity during the Blitz, and Graham Greene can’t help but shoehorn in a friggin crisis of religious faith

77 Must Love Dogs (05) barely any dog content, where are the dogs at

78 The Rainmaker (97)

79 *Batman & Robin (97)

80 National Lampoon’s Vacation (83) Never seen any of the non-xmas Vacations, didn’t realize the children are totally different, not just actors but ages! Also, this one is blatantly racist!

81 *Mystic Pizza (88)

82 Funny Girl (68)

83 The Sons of Katie Elder (65)

84 *Knives Out (19) another re-watch within the same year!! How does this keep happening??

85 *Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (10) a real I-just-moved-away-from-Toronto nostalgia watch

86 Canadian Bacon (92) vividly recall this VHS at the video store, but I never saw it til 2020

87 *Blood Simple (85)

88 Brittany Runs a Marathon (19)

89 The Accidental Tourist (88)

90 August Osage County (13) MELO-DRAMA!!

91 Appaloosa (08)

92 The Firm (93) Feeling good about how many iconic 80s/90s video store stalwarts I watched in 2020

93 *Almost Famous (00)

94 Whisper of the Heart (95)

95 Da 5 Bloods (20)

96 Rain Man (88)

97 True Stories (86)

98 *Risky Business (83) It’s not about what you think it’s about! It never was!

99 *The Big Chill (83)

100 The Way We Were (73)

101 Safety Last (23) It’s getting so that I might have to add the first two digits to my dates...not that I watch THAT many movies from the 1920s...

102 Phantasm (79)

103 The Burrowers (08)

104 New Jack City (91)

105 The Vanishing (88)

106 Sisters (72)

107 Puberty Blues (81) Little Aussie cinema theme, here

108 Elevator to the Gallows (58)

109 Les Diaboliques (55)

110 House (77) haha WHAT no really W H A T

111 Death Line (72)

112 Cranes are Flying (57)

113 Holes (03)

114 *Lady Vengeance (05)

115 Long Weekend (78)

116 Body Double (84)

117 The Crazies (73) I love that Romero shows the utter confusion that would no doubt reign in the case of any kind of disaster. Things fall apart.

118 Waterlilies (07)

119 *You’re Next (11)

120 Event Horizon (97)

121 Venom (18) I liked it, guys, way more than most superhero fare. Has a real sense of place and the place ISN’T New York!

122 Under the Silver Lake (18) RIP Night Call

123 *Blade Runner (82)

124 *The Birds (62) interesting to see now that I’ve read the story it came from

125 *28 Days Later (02) hits REAL FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT in a pandemic

126 Life is Sweet (90)

127 *So I Married an Axe Murderer (93) find me a more 90s movie, I dare you (it’s not possible)

128 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (67)

129 The Pelican Brief (93) 90s thrillers continue!

130 Dick Johnston is Dead (20)

131 The Bridges of Madison County (95)

132 Earth Girls are Easy (88) Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are so hot in this movie, no wonder they got married 

133 Better Watch Out (16)

134 Drowning Mona (00) trying for something like the Coen bros and not getting there

135 Au Revoir Les Enfants (87)

136 *Chasing Amy (97) Affleck is the least alluring movie lead...ever? I also think I gave Joey Lauren Adams’ character short shrift in my memory of the movie. It’s not good, but she’s more complicated than I recalled. 

137 Blackkklansman (18)

138 Being Frank (19)

139 Kiki’s Delivery Service (89)

140 Uncle Frank (20) why so many FRANKS

141 *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89) watching with pals (virtually) made it so much more fun than the usual yearly watch!

142 Half Baked (98) another, more secret Toronto nostalgia pic - RC Harris water filtration plant as a prison!

143 We’re the Millers (13)

144 All is Bright (13)

145 Defending Your Life (91)

146 Christmas Chronicles (18) I maintain that most new xmas movies are terrible, particularly now that Netflix churns them out like eggnog every year. 

147 Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (18)

148 Reindeer Games (00) what did I say about Affleck??!? WHAT DID I SAY

149 Palm Springs (20)

150 Happiest Season (20)

151 *Metropolitan (90) it’s definitely a Christmas movie

152 Black Christmas (74)

THEATRE:HOME - 2:150 (thanks pandemic)

I usually separate out docs and fiction, but I watched almost no documentaries this year (with the exception of Dick Johnston). Reality is real enough. 

TV Series

01 - BoJack Horseman (final season) - Pretty damned poignant finish to the show, replete with actual consequences for our reformed bad boy protagonist (which is more than you can say for most antiheroes of Peak TV).

02 - *Hello Ladies - I enjoy the pure awkwardness of seeing Stephen Merchant try to perform being a Regular Person, but ultimately this show tips him too far towards a nasty, Ricky Gervais-lite sort of persona. Perhaps he was always best as a cameo appearance, or lip synching with wild eyes while Chrissy Teigen giggles?

03 - Olive Kittredge - a rough watch by times. I read the book as well, later in the year. Frances Mcdormand was the best, possibly the only, casting option for the flinty lead. One episode tips into thriller territory, which is a shock. 

04 - *The Wire S3, S4, S5 - lockdown culture! It was interesting to rewatch this, then a few months later go through an enormous, culture-level reappraisal of cop-centred narratives. 

05 - Forever - a Maya Rudolph/Fred Armisen joint that coasts on the charm of its leads. The premise is OK, but I wasn’t left wanting any more at the end. 

06 - *Catastrophe - a rewatch when my partner decided he wanted to see it, too!

07 - Red Oak - resolutely “OK” steaming dramedy, relied heavily on some pretty obvious cues to get across its 1980s setting. 

08 - Little Fires Everywhere - gulped this one down while in 14-day isolation, delicious! Every 90s suburban mom had that SUV, but not all of them had the requisite **secrets**

09 - The Great - fun historical comedy/drama! Costumes: lush. Actors: amusing. Race-blind casting: refreshing!

10 - The Crown S4 - this is the season everyone lost their everloving shit for, since it’s finally recent enough history that a fair chunk of the viewing audience is liable to recall it happening. 

11 - Ted Lasso - we resisted this one for a while (thought I did enjoy the ad campaign for NBC sports (!!) that it was based on). My view is that its best point was the comfort that the men on the show have (or develop, throughout the season) with the acknowledgement and sharing of their own feelings. Masculinity redux. 

12 - Moonbase 8 - Goodnatured in a way that makes you certain they will be crushed. 

13 - The Good Lord Bird - Ethan Hawke is really aging into the character actor we always hoped he would be! 

14 - Hollywood - frothy wish-fulfillment alternate history. I think the show would have been improved immeasurably by skipping the final episode.

[maaaaaatryoshka0325]

Shattered Sky - Hwang Hyunjin Zombie Apocalypse Au Part 12

(<- Previous Part) (Next Part ->)

Chapter is a tiny bit short bc of the next chapter

Your knife slid down the carcass of a doe that was strung by her back legs, her insides easily falling out as you gutted her. You heard Woobin behind you, skinning one of the few rabbits he had caught earlier. You both skinned and cut your animals, placing the meats in their specific bins.

Hoseok used to do this job with Woobin, but ever since his untimely death, you’ve been taking over. You’ve been closer to Woobin since then, as he’s the only one left from your old village. The two of you had gotten closer the past week since Hoseok passed, your presence helping him get through it.

You wiped your forehead, pushing all the sweat away as you finished the last animal. You moved the bins to the giant freezer in the cantina, giving the hides to a few of the elders. They had made their own job, to make things out of the furs and bones you collected. The woman you had patched up during the raid had come up with the idea, and now the elders looked lively as they sewed and knitted. Hyunjin has promised to look around for knitting and sewing materials to keep them busy and productive.

“More furs Y/N?” The woman, who you learned her name is Mrs. Oh, asked.

“Oh, yes.” You said with a smile.

“Looks like we have more to do ladies!” She said, clapping her hands.

You smiled at her as you handed them all of the furs, and she gently held your hand.

“Have you seen Yuna recently? Her belly is so big!” She said excitedly.

“I’m going to go see her now! And her belly is getting quite big!” You giggled.

“Tell her I hope her delivery is fast and easy.” She said with a big smile.

You nodded and bowed before you left, heading over to one of the buildings. You slipped through the door and down the stairs, where you heard Yuna’s voice talking to the children. She was teaching them numbers, and they all looked at her with such bright eyes. One of the elderly women came in to take over, and she made eye contact with you.

“Hey Y/N!” She greeted with a bright smile.

“Hey Yuna, how are you feeling?” You asked, your eyes brightening at the size of her swollen belly.

“Fine! My feet are a little swollen and they’re kicking a lot, but other than that I’m fine!” She said happily.

You smiled at her as you helped her arrange the classroom upstairs, moving all the books you all had mananged to get.

“How are you doing?” Yuna asked. “I know it must’ve been rough for you.”

“I’m okay.” You said with a big smile. “I’ll get through it.”

Yuna smiled and walked over to you, hugging you tightly.

“You’re so brave and strong Y/N. I admire you.” She said as you both hugged.

You closed your eyes and hugged her tight, her scent and her gentle voice comforting. When you both pulled away, you smiled at her.

“Thank you, Yuna. You’re strong too.” You said genuinely.

She smiled at you and packed up her stuff, about to pick up her bag. You grabbed it for her and smiled.

“I’ll carry it. Carrying around that belly has to be hard enough.” You giggled.

She laughed and nodded as you led her back to her cottage. You helped her place her things around before saying goodnight and stepping out into the warm night air. You slowly walked towards field, stopping in front of the two graves.

“I miss you both right now.” You sighed. “Things are going good, but they’d be better with you two here.”

You stood there for a moment, your eyes cast down.

“Want some company?”

You turned towards the voice, and saw Hyunjin standing there. He slowly walked over and looked down at the two graves, his presence bringing an odd sense of comfort.

“You’ve been doing good since he passed, I’m proud of you.” Hyunjin said, his eyes remaining on Hoseok’s grave.

“Thank you.” You said lowly.

He looked at you for a moment, before beckoning for you to follow.

“I have something to show you.”

He led you into the amusement park half, and you looked around at all of the abandoned rides. Some of them still looked brand new, and others looked like the apocalypse has been going on for decades.

“We don’t use the park, in fear walkers will see all the lights.” Hyunjin said, walking over to a carousel. “But some aren’t too bright.”

He flicked the lights on and the ride began to slowly move. You smiled as he looked at you. He walked towards the ride and hopped on, and when he came back around, he held his hand out to you. You grabbed it when he came around a second time and hopped on, getting onto one of the beautifully painted horses beside him.

“Sometimes I like to sit on the carousel and think. Even if it isn’t moving, no one finds me here.” He said lowly.

You nodded and smiled at him, leaning your head on the pole that connected the horse to the ride. You watched the rides go by multiple times as you both went around.

Hyunjin looked at you, your eyes bright and reflecting the lights on the carousel. He hasn’t seen you look actually happy in awhile, but now your true smile was on your face.

You both sat on it for awhile, before you both started to head back. He closed the amusement park and walked beside you as you both headed back. You stopped and turned to him, and he raised a brow.

“Thank you, Hyunjin.” You said with a smile.

He smiled back and was about to respond, when gunshots filled both of your ears. Your smiles dropped and you both ran towards the gunfire. You gasped when you saw the gates open, people you didn’t recognize coming in with weapons. One truck came in and began firing an automatic, and Hyunjin had to grab you and throw you beneath him.

“We have to get our guns.” He said.

You nodded and got up, grabbing his hand and leading him to your cottage. You both took the guns that you had and ran out, firing as more people appeared.

“You guys again!” Minho growled, slamming a knife into one’s face and shooting another in the chest.

You saw Woobin slam an ax down on one, ripping it out and slamming it into another, before reaching into his holester and shooting. Felix and Chan we’re back to back, shooting at anyone who came in. Changbin was standing in front of Jeongin, who received a gunshot wound to the shoulder. Woojin was a few feet away, not ceasing his gunfire for any reason.

You stayed by Hyunjin’s side as you both fired, getting into the rhythm with the others. A few of the other survivors, who had taken your harsh advice, had their own guns and fired. Screams of pain and anger echoed through your ears as you all fought to protect your home. Guards at the top fired down at the entrance, trying to keep anyone coming in to a minimum.

“There’s walkers approaching!” One of the guards yelled.

“Shit!” Hyunjin yelled. “Try and close the inner gates!”

The guards made their way to the inner gate lever, but were being held off by the intruders as they shot at them.

“Cover them!” You yelled.

Everyone fired at the intruders that were blocking the few guards that were left, and horror filled you as the last few went down.

“Shit!” Hyunjin growled.

He looked at you, his eyes angry. “Cover us!”

Hyunjin grabbed your hand as he ran towards the front, leading you with him. You both fired at anyone coming after you both, and you quickly made it to the fallen guards. A few of them were still alive, but pretty badly injured.

Hyunjin dropped down beside the one, pushing his hair out of his face.

“We’re gonna come back for you.” He promised.

The guard nodded as you both ran to the lever, the both of you grunting as you pushed it. The front gate began to slowly close, but not fast enough. A small group of the crawlers got in, instantly going after the survivors.

“Fuck!” Hyunjin growled.

You both ran out and he turned back to you,

“Defend the injured guards, Ive got this!” He instructed.

You nodded and stood your ground, firing as some of them ran towards you. Hyunjin leaped down from the top and ran over to where the survivors were shooting wildly, his own gunfire hitting the walkers. The intruders who had gotten stuck when the inner gates closed were either dead or had been bitten, and you felt relief when all gunfire stopped. You bent down to the guards and gave them a reassuring smile.

“I’ll go get help to bring you guys down.” You said.

The nodded as you ran down the top of the gates, your eyes searching for everyone. Yuna and the elders were underground with the children, you knew. You saw Jisung and Felix with Chan, blood leaking down from Jisung’s cheek, which had been skimmed by a bullet. Minho was helping Woojin lift Jeongin up and away to get the bullet out. Changbin and Seungmin were helping other survivors. They all had the same look on their faces, shock.

You looked up and saw Hyunjin looking around, his eyes softening when he saw all of the others, and you. You were just about to say something when you heard a snarl, and before you could turn, a piercing pain shot through your neck. Teeth pierced your skin, blood rushing down the side of your neck.

“Y/N!”

BANG.

[comradeocean]

I haven't read Arya x Gendry in like ... 6 years. I caught up a bit this week. Here are some I really like! 

[30 some fic recs after the jump]

post 8x01 Arya keeps looking for reasons to visit Gendry in the forge. - mmh post episode askbox fic

Somewhere to Begin, MissAtomicBomb (mrs_nerimon) The Stark sisters share a moment in the wake of some impactful reunions. - lmao my most frequently used GoT tag was "westeROS" (remember Ros???) followed by "Stark famly dynamics." So Stark sisters hashing things out... my kryptonite

Beautiful & Deadly Sharp, vlaurie17 Learning to fight with a sword were some of Arya's best memories. Sansa, however, was hesitant. “What do I do with it?” “Stick ‘em with the pointy end,” Arya smirked. Sansa just rolled her eyes, “Obviously." - also Stark sisters revisiting being Vengeance-made-girls together and practising to knife someone

I'll sing for you, Ravenclawpride06 Set post 8x1. Gendry wants it bad. Arya wants it worse. Was going to more explicit but I left it vague, felt it fit better in the end. All the pining! - I’m soft for the pining

This is my wish, crazychipmink "As he studied the drawing she had given him, he slowly began to let himself believe that she was real and alive and well. He had thought about Arya so many times that the memory of her was worn in his mind. Fragile and faded, like a piece of parchment that had been read too many times. To tell the truth, sometimes, he couldn’t even remember what she looked like, only that she was the only thing he ever wanted, ever wished for.” - season 8 episode companion fic series - ao3 tag: weapons design processes are long and require many iterations - “Davos assumed he was waiting to play his part in the great war to come, but in reality, Gendry was waiting for the next remarkable thing to happen to him. Perhaps if enough remarkable things happened to him, he would finally let himself believe that the most remarkable thing that had ever happened to him had happened.” wow ok

Who are you waiting for? crazychipmink [incomplete] "She had Arya’s face and Arya’s voice and even Arya’s smile. But despite all that, he felt like he had just spoken to a ghost. An unnatural ghost of Arya, pretending to be the girl he was in love with. Gendry had traveled to the end of the world to find her, but now that he finally had, she was gone." - the angst universe evil twin version of the fic above - we will take it bc we love to suffer - and also bc the author promises "fluff" and "eventual romance" ok sounds real but ok

the thing with feathers, yanak324 If anyone is capable of bringing the old Arya back, it’s this man in front of her, which is precisely why she must walk away. - a more (immediately) optimistic read of how Arya's in episode enactments of being No One might have gone

and in the end, jeeno2 [incomplete] Five times Gendry Waters is an idiot and the one time he figures things out. - Gendry being dumb is kind of a thing and I'm not always the biggest fan of how it plays out in fanon but this is sweet!

 The She-Wolves of Winterfell, vixleonard The pack survived. So has the Stark habit of keeping secrets. - 2nd generation Stark girls. Arya's daughter matter-of-factly saying "Stark women don't get married" - a whole ass mood.

Mid-Battle, Mary_West Sandor has something important to say to Gendry - if only Gendry can live long enough to hear it.

season 8 AU My Lady sanctuary_for_all Gendry and Arya find each other again. (AKA the plotline Gendry deserved in 7X07) - fic convention I am 100% here for: Arya scrabbling around Gendry's face looking for the seam. fic convention I am 100000% here for: Arya throwing off her glove in order to do so and then holding her hands against his cheek

Nights are for You (or Five Times Arya Visits Gendry in the Forge and One Time Gendry Visits Arya in the Castle) ASwornStark She hasn’t visited the forge since Jon returned home with the dragon bitch (the Stark sisters’ favored name for her) and him in tow. - reunion fic

season 7 Before We Jump, MissAtomicBomb (mrs_nerimon) Arya Stark's bastard boys bond on their way to the Wall. - anything for some good rowing references and bastard subjectivity

earlier laughing 'till our ribs get tough (that will never be enough), belasteals "Gendry took one look and laughed so hard that wine came out of his nose, until Harwin gave him a thwack alongside his ear." - A Storm of Swords, Arya IV (or, Gendry's POV on Acorn Hall) - real ones can't get enough of book canon and Acorn Hall.

Butcher, elephant_eyelash Gendry and Arya by the fire, discussing jacket potatoes and thinking murderous things. - perfect meditation on food and hunger and care

Dissimulo, Somnio, jeeno2 She is no one, now. But still the boy with the black hair haunts her dreams. - honestly the showrunners are cowards for not going there. let No One be Vagina Dentata Personified 2kwhenevertheBraavosiseasonsaired

post canon/canon divergent Charcoal, elephant_eyelash All about winter and feeling the cold. - weird how I'm obsessed with self-loathing and wintry alienation and the weight of history and ancestry but also devotion also love. super weird totally unexpected

Five Things Gendry Only Says in the Dark, jeeno2 Where no one else can hear him. - loneliness, shame, self-loathing. the important emotions. oh and spoiler alert some joy.

Like Wenda, Furious_Winter "...she could ride with Gendry and be an outlaw, like Wenda the White Fawn in the songs." - my favourite canon AUs are Arya and Gendry with the Brotherhood and my absolute favourites of those are when they are apart (who's ever heard of a marauding smith??) but have some of miserable bittersweet understanding and they glower at each other and make each other jealous and everything is unspoken but this is it this singular love they have for each other that doesn't quite work out. I've just realized that most of these recs are highkey angsty oops. anyway, this fic is like the most complete and perfect distillation of everything I want. - also this is so richly detailed and complete in itself. immensely satisfying. - yeah ok Furious_Winter is actually the master of post canon together but not Arya/Gendry love is not always enough fics. I'm just going to recommend all of them: - The Wolf's Head Helm [The Starks are back in Winterfell and Sansa is Queen in the North. One day, Arya receives a gift from an old friend... - Arya is in Sansas's queensguard.]  - A Means To An End (incomplete) [Arya Stark has returned from Essos and has been staying at the Inn at the Crossroads. Things are not nearly as simple as she sees them. - fuck this one hurts so good] - A Bastard At Heart [Arya and Gendry marry other people for the good of the kingdom 'cause they're self sacrificing like that. the last line took me outtt]

the truth is, baby you're all that I need, belasteals “You were jealous,” he laughed, almost shocked. “Arya Stark of Winterfell, jealous of a whore.” - sirens This One Is Not Angsty sirens

A Girl Meets a Boy, Hotpie A girl takes a face; a girl takes a lover. - possibly my favourite Crossroads Inn fic. love the Faceless Man stuff. love the detail of Needle having a smallest spot of rust, from Braavosi Steel Pox and Arya feeling a ways about it. love picking up the Melisandre thread.

So Easy To Love, Val_Creative She misses Gendry's complaining, too enthralled with staring. "You smell like Dennett's underarms," Arya murmurs, leaning in, going for blunt honesty. Gendry opens his mouth, beginning to laugh, turning uproarious and smiling. She's never seen anything more beautiful than this. More kissable than Gendry's mouth. - the summary makes it seem like it's all kissing when there is actually a big chunk of plot - in service of eventual kissing, yes, - but! spoiler alert! they don't even get to it in this fic! not exactly - maybe why I love it a lot??

With Bells in Her Hair, semicolonlife [incomplete] The further south they travel the more Gendry starts to wonder if he truly knows this woman who wears Arya Stark's face. As he begins to doubt himself more and more, Gendry becomes obsessed with the strange bells she wears in her hair. - ruthless slightly wonky Arya is my favourite Arya.

Wayfaring, Rainfallen An accidental series centered on the same basic headcanon of how Gendry found himself in the North and how Arya found her way back to it. - wolf girl Wolf Girl WOLF GIRL

Seen, sanctuary_for_all Being important matters less than who you're important to. - He wasn't sure what that verdict was, however, until she returned the unfinished sword to rest position with a deeply satisfied expression. "I am going to kill so many people with that sword." It was probably a bad sign for his long-term sanity that Gendry felt deeply complimented by that. "Happy to help." my useless heart: pikachu face - see! I like fluffy HEAs too

Hearts, sanctuary_for_all Arya comes home to her family. (Future flash) - look, I just think it's really important that even married and with children, Arya continues murdering people uwu

other AUs/misc I'll Run (Run To You), belasteals “You would rather marry a lowborn knight than a high lord, then?” She grinned, all bared teeth and sharp eyes. “I’d rather marry no one at all, else I'd not play at this mummer’s farce.” “What about the man who outruns you?” “Nobody outruns me.” (Greek mythology fusion: Arya as Atalanta, Gendry as Hippomenes. Arya vows only to marry the man who can outrun her in a footrace) - Atalanta, Mononoke, Arya. same energy.

[ownworldresident]

Side by Side. Chapter 2: The Agreement

King Liam x Rayne (MC): With new additions to their family, Rayne and Liam re-evaluate their relationship dynamic.

Disclaimer: Most  characters are the property of Pixelberry studios. I am just borrowing them and will return them when I am done.

MASTERLIST

Side by Side Masterlist

The Agreement

There was a knock on the door and Liam looked up to see Leo, Drake, Olivia, and Maxwell quietly enter the room. He smiled warmly at them and received the same expression as they took in the room. Rayne was still sleeping but the IV had been removed and she looked peaceful. There was one crib by the wall and one right beside him where he sat beside the bed. In his arms was his tiny newborn daughter, who did not yet have a name. In the crib beside him lay his son, who in the brief time he had been awake had displayed the same blue eyes as his sister. His friends observed the room and came towards him.

“Congratulations Liam” said Olivia quietly, as the four of them looked down to see his two children. His children, his and Raynes… it was so new and exciting, and it just felt right. She was the only one he wanted to have a family with. Leo put a hand on his shoulder.

“Congrats little brother” Liam looked up and saw Leo staring down at his nephew, such warmth and affection and pride in his eyes that he rarely showed.

“How’s Stevens?” asked Drake, looking at Rayne.

“Good, she hasn’t been awake yet, but the doctor said the operation went well. They want to keep her under observation for a few days, to make sure she doesn’t get an infection” Drake nodded.

“Little blossom has two little blossoms!” Maxwell said happily, looking between Liam’s children.

“They look just like her Liam. Are you sure they’re yours?” Olivia smirked at him and he chuckled quietly. Whether because of the reverberations of his chest as did so or by coincidence his daughter chose that moment to slowly open her bright blue eyes. All four of them broke into new smiles. Liam gently stroked her head and held her closer to his chest to place a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Definitely a Rhys” said Leo, chuckling, “so the new prince and princess eh?” Leo looked up at Drake who gave him a warning look.

“Leo…”

“I have to ask Drake! This is important” Drake shook his head and sighed, looking awkwardly at Liam and then at Rayne.

“What is it?” asked Liam, brow furrowed in confusion. Olivia rolled her eyes.

“He wants to know which one came first” she said. Liam stared at him, surprised.

“I guess that makes sense” he glanced at Rayne again and then at his son, “would you like to hold the Crown Prince of Cordonia big brother?” Leo smiled widely at him.

“I would love to. And you owe me fifty euros” Liam looked confused again, before he remembered that conversation and shook his head in amusement.

“I wonder if it will be the boy or the girl first” Leo poured another drink for himself. They had just found out the sexes of Liam and Raynes children. Rayne was asleep already, but he and his brother were celebrating with a drink.

“Does it really matter?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course! I need to know where to focus my uncle-ing skills”

“Seriously Leo? I think you should probably stay really far away from them” he smirked. Leo looked hurt.

“Alright, alright. I will uncle them both equally. But I will bet you that your son comes first”

“No. That’s a ridiculous bet”

“And yet I make it anyway” he grinned “fifty euros says our next monarch is also a king”

“Fine” he said, clinking glasses with his brother, “keep in mind he can abdicate if he wants to” Leo smirked.

“True, but the bet stands”

“I did agree” he said, “I ah… left pretty much everything at the palace. We’ll have to settle it later”

“Deal. can I still hold him?” Liam was surprised at his eagerness but nodded.

The four of them left Liam and Rayne and the newborns about an hour later. Drake was smiling as they made their way to the exit as a group. Though he had been terrified of dropping her he had had the opportunity to hold his best friend’s sleeping daughter for a while, and she was beautiful, much like her mother, if frighteningly fragile. If Liam and Rayne were still okay with him being the godfather, Drake would protect that girl with his life, just as he would her mother. Drake's hand went to the healed bullet wound in his shoulder, he would do it again for either of them, for any of them. Rayne was a mother now… and Liam was a father… the titles would take a while to sink in, they sounded like such a massive step forwards but really it hadn’t been that long since they had met the carefree, drifting waitress in New York. Love had brought and kept her here, love stronger than he had ever seen given what she had been through and was still dealing with. He was lost in thought as they walked through the waiting room towards the exit.

“Beer garden, everyone, now” they looked up, shocked, at Olivia’s recommendation, knowing she was not a huge fan of the place they usually went to. She shrugged, one eyebrow raised, “what? Relax I’m not going to poison you” Leo stretched and grinned.

“No complaints here Livvy, especially if you're buying. Celebratory drinks!”

“Great plan! Thanks Livvy!” Olivia scowled as Maxwell led the charge out to their respective vehicles.

Twenty minutes later they pulled up at the beer garden they had been to before the homecoming ball. To Rayne and Liam’s credit that had been a good night regardless of the circumstances. Leo had been on his motorbike and was waiting for them at a table towards the back. He lifted a glass at them and they made their way over. Before him was a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket, a bottle of whiskey and an open bottle of scotch and he winked at Drake, who shook his head and reached for the whiskey. The four of them sat down and poured themselves drinks and Leo raised his glass.

“To Rayne! Mad enough to deal with Rhys children and the bravest goddamn woman I know” Drake smirked at Olivia.

“Outside of Lythikos that is” she added, and Drake smiled and shook his head as they clinked glasses and drank.

“If you say so Livvy” said Maxwell, turning to Drake, “speaking of women Drake where's Cass?” Drake blushed slightly, unprepared for the question. Taking a drink to clear it he stared Maxwell in the eyes and ripped off the band aid.

“We broke up” out the corner of his eye he had seen Olivia look up a little too quickly but ignored it. He waited for a reply, challenging anyone to delve deeper. None of them seemed discouraged.

“What did you do?” asked Leo in the midst of pouring himself a new glass of scotch. When Drake scowled at him, he only received a smirk and a raised eyebrow in return.

“Nothing” he lied. Drake knew what had gone wrong. They had been going out for a few weeks, only hooked up a few times so far, until Cassandra had slammed on the brakes and given him an ultimatum. It was completely fair, and though he was pissed at himself for giving her up he also didn't regret his decision.

“Not likely Drake c’mon tell us your deepest darkest secrets” Maxwell grinned, strategically far away enough that Drake couldn't strike him.

“None of your business”

“Leave him be you two” said Olivia. The three of them turned to her, equally shocked, she smirked at them.

“Uh...thanks?” he couldn't figure out what her angle was, until she said it.

“Your welcome. If Walker doesn't want to admit he has issues getting it up, then guess what? No one cares” they were stunned for a second longer before Leo and Maxwell burst out laughing and Drake scowled even deeper.

“That's not it” he didn't even know why he wanted to defend it, it was Olivia trying to get under his skin and the other two trying to get answers.

“C’mon Drake no time for 20 questions, spill”

“No” he said firmly, reaching for the whiskey. Leo pulled it out of the way, grinning. They locked eyes for a moment, Drake frustrated, Leo amused, before he got up and walked to the bar. He got another bottle, thank fuck it was the same brand, and went back to reluctantly sit beside Olivia again. Opening the bottle he poured three fingers and sipped it, looking pointedly back at Leo as he did so.

“We'll get it out of you one day Drake” said Max. Suddenly he felt Olivia’s foot curl around his. For some awful reason he found it oddly comforting and despite his better judgement did not pull away. Olivia didn't even look at him, and neither did he, but saw the corner of her lip curling up into a smile as she took another sip of champagne and continued to speak to the others. Drake looked down at his glass.

The reason he had broken up with Cass was that in the last few weeks he had spent his time increasingly with Rayne. She had become much less mobile and he kept her company at the palace mostly when Liam was working. Not being Liam’s wife, Rayne did not have the power to convince the others to let him spend more time with her before their children were born. It was a shitty arrangement, but she genuinely seemed okay with it and he’d been happy to talk and play board or card games or watch movies when she wasn't sleeping, which she often was. He wouldn't be spending much time with her now. He moved his leg closer to Olivia.

“Liam?” Rayne’s voice was croaky as she slowly opened her eyes and registered her surroundings. Turning her head, she saw Liam sitting in a chair beside her bed and crooning softly to something in his arms. He looked up when he heard her voice and smiled warmly. She coughed but then grimaced at the shooting pain across her middle.

“Care love, you have stitches from the operation, are you okay?” Rayne frowned, “do you remember that?”

“I –” she recalled suddenly the incredible pain she had been in, for hours... then the concerned voices around her, the appearance of three more people and the IV... “they operated on me?” he nodded.

“Apparently there were some... issues” Liam winced at that, “you had a caesarean, and these two came out of it” he looked down at the bundle in his arms, such pure joy in his eyes that she felt tears in hers, and she broke into a wide smile when she realised he was holding a baby, their baby. Slowly she tried to sit up, to get a better look, but her abdomen felt tight and she winced again at the pain spreading through it, “Rayne? Are you okay? Try not to move too much” his voice was worried now. He stood up, holding her tiny baby with one arm and reaching out to hold her hand with the other.

“I feel a lot lighter” he chuckled, and she smiled, lying back down and looking from her nearly flat belly to the love of her life to the tiny life he held.

“I bet” he squeezed her hand and she did the same, “would you like to say hello to your daughter?” tears welled in her eyes and she nodded, trying to blink them away. Liam adjusted the bed so she was sitting up a bit, and laid her baby on her chest. Rayne brought her arms around her, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“What's her name?” she asked, not taking her eyes off her daughter.

“She doesn't have one yet” Rayne looked up at him.

“Are you sure you're okay with me naming her?”

“Of course. She is your daughter too my love” Liam wiped away some of the tears on her cheeks. Leaning down he placed a tender kiss on Rayne’s forehead and when she tilted her face up, he placed one on her lips. It was gentle, and lingering. Rayne smiled at him and then back to her baby.

“Evelyn” she said. Looking up at Liam again she saw tears in his eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely” Rayne smiled. Evelyn had been Liam’s mother’s name, and someone he had desperately missed since she had died when he was only four. He choked out the words, not bothering to wipe back the tears that were falling.

“Thank you” squeezing her hand again he brought it to his lips and placed and a soft kiss there.

“Evelyn Genevieve Rhys… is - is that okay?”

“Of course it is love. If you are generous enough to name our daughter after my mother, it is fitting that your mother's name be there also”

“We will always remember them” reaching a hand up she cupped his cheek and he put a hand over it, turning his head slightly to kiss her palm. Rayne nodded.

“Can I see our son as well?” he smiled and turned away, leaning down and gently lifting another bundle from the crib. Carefully he placed their son on the other side of her chest and she held them both, bringing him close to kiss his beautiful face as well. She hardly noticed Liam pull out his phone and take a photo of the three of them. She smiled at him.

“He hasn't been given a name either” he whispered, looking at them with such love that Rayne felt fresh tears running down her cheeks.

“What would you like to name him?”

“I thought you could” he said, then thought about it for a moment, “I thought maybe… maybe Leo” Rayne raised an eyebrow at him.

“Your brother’s ego might explode” she grinned, then sobered. There was definitely another reason behind it.

“Leonardo was also my grandfather’s name. I've always liked it” Rayne nodded, turning back to her son.

“Leo Drake Rhys” she smiled at him, then questioningly back at Liam.

“Perfect”

“Drake will hate that” she could just imagine him trying desperately to avoid having his name associated with the prince.

“Perhaps at first” Liam sat in the chair beside them again, “he would come around” she nodded, but the fact that she had been the one to mention ‘prince’ was suddenly a painful reminder that her babies were not truly hers anymore. For nine months they had been hers, but they were royalty, and she was not. One of them would lead this country one day… and Rayne would be in the shadows, quickly forgotten.

“What is it love? Why are you upset?” Rayne turned her gaze to a worried Liam.

“It's just… I won't get much time with them… now that they're here. As soon as I am not needed to nurse them any longer… no one will need me”

“That's not true” Liam’s voice was both hurt and firm as she met his gaze again. His eyes were determined, “I will not let you be pushed aside. You will be there for them as will I. And… and I need you, as well” his eyes were sad now as he reached out to caress her shoulder, “Leo and Evelyn will need their mother, and you are so important, not just to our family but to our people and to the world and Rayne” he stood up to put a hand over her cheek, wiping away tears that kept coming, “I will never let anyone forget that. We all need you. I would be lost with you” Rayne nodded, but still cried. She hoped Liam was right, looking lovingly down at their two beautiful babies.

Not long after Rayne had woken up, Evelyn and Leo had as well. When they started crying Liam went to get a nurse who came in and helped Rayne nurse them properly. He watched her, it seemed completely natural to her and she held then confidently to her breast each in turn.  They didn't require much and so after that fell back to sleep with a smile on her lips, soon followed by their mother whose eyelids had been heavy since she fed Leo. Softly kissing her forehead Liam reluctantly left. He needed to go back to the palace to take care of a few things, realising as he exited the hospital that it was dawn. He hated having to leave but had given instructions to call him when Rayne woke up again. Though she had not yet mentioned it he felt guilty at his not being there for the birth and needed to confront the woman responsible for that. She would definitely be awake already, he thought, and once inside the palace headed straight up to her quarters. He knocked.

“Come in” called her voice almost immediately.

Opening the door and stepping inside, Liam saw Madeline at her desk, poring over a document with pen in hand. She looked up when he entered and didn't seem at all fazed by his set jaw or angry tone.

“We need to talk” the corner of her lip curled into a wry smile and she stood up to face him.

“Go ahead then, husband” Liam took a deep breath to try and calm himself.

“What the hell do you think you were doing yesterday? How could you possibly think it was your place to tell the staff not to inform me that my children were being born??” Madeline raised an eyebrow at him.

“You were busy, and the birth of your bastards is not significant. Once they're here, then you can of course see them. They need to see who their father is. Otherwise your presence was superfluous” Liam scoffed.

“You are joking, right?” Madeline didn't joke, “this is one of the most significant events of my life and I NEEDED to be there so how dare you keep that from me.”

“Watch your tone King Liam, you are speaking to the Queen. This was our agreement, you can legitimise your mistress’s children, but you are loyal to the crown” Liam hated it when she referred to Rayne as his mistress. She was the woman he loved and so much more than that and Madeline knew it.

“No Madeline!” his voice was raised but he didn't care, his hands were shaking in anger, “Our agreement was that the crown recognises my children, they are my children! I have a right to be there if not as king then as a father and you know that. Rayne is a human being, not a machine, find some ounce of compassion!” as if she had any. When she spoke it was quietly and she feigned hurt.

“I would perhaps for my own children Liam. so you can go ahead and quiet any accusation that I'm some heartless narcissist”

“No, you don't get to play that card” Liam said it before his own compassion took hold, which was her clear intention, “if you wanted me to feel sorry for you then you should have told me before we were married, like a decent human being” he turned towards the door and looked back as he reached it, “I will be the best father that I can be for my children, I will be there for them and for Rayne whenever they need or want me. If you were capable of love perhaps you would understand that, at the very least you could understand it as a duty to my family”

“Their mother is not your family” she said coldly, “you owe her nothing” he stared at her.

“I owe her everything and you know that. Stay away from them all” he left.

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[jflashandclash]

Uncomfortable Crossings

Author’s Note:

               I had a request over half a year ago for Calex to interact with a certain goddess. It is shameful that it took me so long to write this! I hope you enjoy despite the wait!

               This takes place a year after the series’ last book, Fall of the Sun. This is based off the original ending, which has—since then—mostly changed. Mostly XD So… sort of spoilers?

Book IV’s chapter one (Will: A Stroll Through the Dark) should be released in the next week or two!) In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this short story about Calex :D

                 Each time Calex kicked, the football slammed directly into the goal post.

               Fortunately, there was no one occupying the field to see it. That’s why he preferred the field behind the Roman hypocaust. There was a car park for tourists on holiday and for the few museum staff with cars. But most locals preferred the scenic view by the lake or the fields by the ruins of the wall around the ancient Roman city of Verulamium. The hypocaust could seem a bit dull compared to the lovely sprawl around the rest of the park.

               Most of the emptiness was due to the weather. The temperature reached a record high of 31 degrees with 100% humidity. For most of Calex’s mates, this was enough to turn them into jelly puddles inside their flats, but Calex used to holiday in Liberia and had spent the last year in New York. Normally, he’d drag them out, whining and acting like babies, but he wanted to be alone today.

               That’s why he was utterly shocked when his ball bounced off the goal post, popped over his shoulder, then shot straight back towards the goal from behind him.

               And missed wildly.

               Calex watched his ball fly into the field at least fifty meters away. Calex blinked, wondering if a professional footballer had been airlifted into the field without him hearing the helicopter and if that professional was bolluxed out of their mind.

               “Oh! Sorry! Here, use my ball while I go grab that,” someone said behind him.

               “Um, it’s alright—” Calex turned to see the blur go past. He doubted the girl was as fast as he was, but she was certainly fast. As she darted after the ball, he saw her beautiful locks trail behind her. Something felt off about her gait—like her steps took too long to land on the ground.

               Odd, but, after learning he was a demigod, his life had been nothing but odd.

               She wore a blue and white jersey, one he should recognize. The name across the back said Karagounis in what Calex quickly recognized as Greek.

               He jogged after.

               Calex was in no mood to be polite or have a chat. At least she wasn’t attracted to him. The knowledge wasn’t anything self-degrading—Calex knew lots of girls fancied his looks. He was a son of Eros and knowing people’s desires came with the territory.

               When she reached the ball and turned to dribble back—long dribbles with little control—Calex felt himself gasp and stagger to a stop, feeling both shallow and self-centered about the previous thought.

               The woman was lovelier than anyone he had ever seen. That was a grand thing, considering his grandmother was Aphrodite and he stayed with her children, his aunts and uncles, last year. He knew lovely.

               She was maybe ten years older than him, in her mid-twenties, but the age made her more brilliant, like she’d suffered and aged but managed to retain her youth and merriment.

               Her hair was long and waved loosely from a mix of plaits in her ponytail. The color was indescribable. At first, he thought it was like his mate, Kally, a strawberry blonde. This was darker, a subtlest cross between red, blonde, brunette, with natural highlights and lowlights from all three. Her skin had a gorgeous glow to it, not quite UK pale, but pale with a hue that cued Calex to her ability to tan.

               Her face was perfect.

               He didn’t think that with any exaggeration. It was perfect.

               If Calex was at Camp Half-Blood, or by Mt. Olympus, he would have dropped right there to genuflect to a goddess. However, in the middle of St. Albans on a Tuesday, she might think it a bit odd or mental if he gave her the “all powerful” treatment in a football field, especially if she was just some poor women off the street who happened to practice beside a crazy demigod.

               “Sorry. It has been a long time since I played soccer,” she said as she evened with him. Her English was perfect with the slightest hint of a Greek accent.

               “Not a problem,” Calex said.

               She smiled in relief.

               He recognized that glint of relief and knew it was good he hadn’t dropped into an old fashioned grovel.

               There were times he had felt insecure when he entered a room, knowing everyone’s eyes were on him, and expecting him to be perfect because his father’s DNA made him look like he should be. Most of his mates in Britain could make jokes out of it, but, in America, he was uncomfortable when someone asked if he’d been in a magazine or some obscure BBC show, or when someone would point out, “Oh… you’re African American—”

               “British, actually”

               “—well, yea, but you’re black and you have light eyes.”

               Something about her look told him she felt something similar, a sense of humiliation due to the inability to avoid unwanted attention.[1]

               Calex swore, regardless of whether or not this woman was a goddess, that he’d treat her like a normal mortal.

               “That was an alright kick, Greece,” he said, “You’re sure to nail the net next time.”

               Her eyes were amber with flecks of blue and green. They were vibrant, like the rest of her. “I don’t mind failing…” She glanced at the jersey his cousin had bought for him. “Arsenal. Failing is half the reward of trying. How fulfilling would life be if you attained things instantly?”

               Calex thought about how he had failed to save his mum and brother from Thanatos, how Joey had died, and what had happened to Axel, Pax, and Euna after everything they’d gone through. “Reward” was an odd little word for it. His fist shook. He remembered the anger and dreariness that he’d come out here to ignore and that her beauty had temporarily disrupted.

               This woman definitely couldn’t be from around here if she was that much of an optimist. One look at Israel and you wouldn’t hear their prime minister saying, “Oooo! Sorry about that. Let’s try that again!”

               “Some things you can only fail once,” he said.

               His ball thumped gently into his foot.

               His head was light and ached. He felt like such rubbish that he didn’t want to look at her again.          

               “Pass the ball with me,” she said. “We’ll make a wager. If I lose, then I’ll concede that you’re right. If I win, then you’ll show me around St. Albans.”

               Calex had too many wagers in his life already, particularly ones involving a lot of death or undeath situations. While, in technical terms, his friends from Camp Half-Blood would call him a “lucky son of a respectable man since we would never say anything to upset Calex’s papi,” he wasn’t sure he wanted to bet his luck any further.

               “What’s the wager?” he asked.

               “I need to get the ball from you,” she said.

               Calex felt himself give a heartfelt laugh. “Not bloody likely.”

               “Then you have nothing to lose,” she said. “You’re already practicing, foolishly suffering from dehydration, and determined to hit the goal post instead of the net. So you might be better off reminding someone who is rusty how it’s done.”

                  Calex wouldn’t admit it if asked, but he had fun. This woman—Greece as he’d taken to calling her—had a contagious laugh, had no problem giggling over her own mistakes and making him chuckle at his own, was curious about every aspect of the game, listened to him talk about Arsenal for longer than the Queen could sit at a ceremony, and would excitedly interject with stories of her own. It was like everything was an adventure to her, every experience was fun.

               Calex felt like he’d lost that since he’d come back to Hertfordshire and left his friends in New York.

               She’d chided him into drinking some water. Like her beauty, her vivacity had shaken him out of his angst. Something about her put him at ease and felt familiar, like the coolest aunt he’d forgotten from childhood. Enough so that, when he was dribbling to their stuff to get another sip of water, he didn’t register what she was doing when she jumped in front of him, forcing him to stop short or knock her over.

               Calex stumbled to a stop.

               She turned and gave him a huge grin. “I got the ball from you.”

               “That doesn’t’ count,” he said.

               “It does.” She crunched her face up playfully. The more they interacted and the more he treated her like a typical bloke off the trolley, the more she’d relaxed into this playful, excited demeanor. “It does because you want to show me around. Come along. I’ll treat you to lunch.”

               They walked around the town. Calex showed her the stuff tourists usually hyped over: the Cathedral—at which she demanded they make a quick sacrifice to honor the cathedral’s god, something Calex found profoundly baffling[2]—the rest of the park, the clock tower, and some of the nurseries. He was relieved she didn’t ask to go into Verulamium’s museum, the place he felt like he knew better than his own home and whose staff he wanted to punch at that moment.

               After winding through the streets full of people exhausted from the heat, they ended up in Café Rouge, a posh French restaurant that Tiwa had liked. When he stepped in, looking at the checkered red-and-clear stained windows, his stomach dropped.

               When his mum was exhausted after a shift at the hospital, he remembered her coming here, sitting in the corner booth with the red velvet cloth, and ordering a tea and a chicken club croque. During summer holiday, when they weren’t at her clinic in Kakata, he would come here to meet up with her, Tom, Gretchen, and Winston when he could.

               The glass paneled roof made this place look and feel like a botanical garden, too hot, too humid, and on display for the gods to watch.

               Calex wished he hadn’t come here.

               Their usual waitress, Amelia, immediately recognized him and gave him a shy smile. He hadn’t seen her in almost a year.

               Although Calex had led them here without thinking, he turned to leave with a cough and a wave of parting.

               “There’s a good table in the center,” Greece suggested. She took Calex’s arm, like he was the one escorting her, and led him over to the table. She gestured at one of the two-seaters that was in a line of empty two-seaters and Amelia nodded.

               “Um—” Calex started.

               She sat down and Amelia hopped over faster than he could whisper, “I’ve been abducted by a beautiful woman, help!”

               “What would you like to drink?” Amelia asked.

               “Surprise me,” Greece said. She clasped her hands together, smiling at the tiny brunette. “And I mean it. Any price, any style, form mocktails to fiz. If you want, flip a coin between you and the other waitress and bring me out the favorite drink of whoever gets heads.”

               Amelia paused in writing something down to blink at Greece. Normally, he guessed Amelia would think Greece mental, but Calex assumed Amelia struggled with the same problem that he was: Greece’s contagious smile, her natural confidence, and startlingly genuine excitement that made him want to trust her. Normally, such cheer would make him think she was mad and here to rob him, the restaurant, the city, and likely the country of all of her goods. But, for some inexplicable reason, Greece’s demeanor kept putting him at ease and made him feel like this was the right time and place for all things to exist.

               “The usual for you then?” Amelia asked Calex.

               He nodded and smiled. “Thanks, Amelia.”

               She blushed. “It’s good to have you back,” she said. For a split second, Calex realized she’d thought about him without his trousers on.

               He cleared his throat, something he hoped she mistook for embarrassment at the comment.

               Amelia walked away.              

               Greece watched their interaction with amusement. “So, is it romantic love or familial that’s the problem?” she asked, leaning forward a little.

               Calex must have heard her wrong. “Excuse me?”

               “Something has been bothering you all day,” she said.

               They went silent for a moment when Amelia brought them their drinks and took their orders.

               “Same? Surprise and usual?” Amelia asked, pointing her pen to each of them in turn.

               Both nodded.

               Calex tried to ignore that Amelia was systematically undressing him in her mind. Some days, he could ignore things like that. Today, he was struggling not to “listen in” on other people’s wants.

               She walked away and Calex tucked his scarf against his neck.

               “You’re quite presumptuous, aren’t you?” he asked while he sipped his tomato juice. He didn’t like the drink anymore and would have rather a Hoegaarden, but he hadn’t the heart to change things up on Amelia or find out what article of clothing would come off next time in her mind cinema. He would order it when she brought the food and would hope that each of his socks counted as separate pieces of clothing in her game.

               “You’re seventeen.” Greece shrugged.

               Calex frowned. He had to wonder if she knew it was his birthday or if she’d gotten a lucky guess on his age. Her question made his mind wander to what had upset him that morning.

               She shrugged. “And, it’s summer break, so you’re not worried about revision for A levels or entering sixth form.”

               Calex examined her wearily. Out of his new friends, only Axel and—dare he call him a friend?—Pax had known anything about his school system. Apparently the structure was similar in Belize. But was it in Greece? Was she actually from Greece?

               “Who am I going to tell?” she asked, mistaking the source of his growing suspicion.

               Typically, an innate sense of trust made him want to distrust people more, like they were looking to gain something. He felt a part of his heart give though. This woman gave him such an irrational sense of livelihood, of wanting to experience the world, and chat about the things he loved and scream about the things he hated, it made him lightheaded. And, had she not come by that morning, he’d have likely finished at the fields, and then locked himself in his room all day.

               “There is a girl,” he found himself saying.

               Greece gave him a lovely smile. “What is she like?”

               “She’s…” He thought about the times Merry had publically humiliated him. “Merciless. Yea, merciless. That one is.”

               Greece laughed, a fantastic sound. “And here I was, expecting ‘beautiful’ or ‘intelligent.’”

               “Oh, she is. Quite good at making me laugh too.” He marveled over how well Merry could store information in her head and use it to outwit others—whether monsters or crude blokes—and, how she could make guesses about future events in Camp Half-Blood, mostly involving people’s dating lives. He pictured Merry’s dark eyes contrasted with her honey skin and the curves of her body. She looked like a Victoria Secret model with a hardy appetite, and Calex wouldn’t change a single thing about her brain or her physique. Well… except…

               “She’s quite alright,” he said.

               “And..?” Greece asked.

               Calex sighed. He lifted up his drink and set it on the table. What he would change…

               “She isn’t attracted to me. At all. She isn’t attracted to anyone.”

               He waited for Greece to say he couldn’t know that, a completely reasonable response for someone who didn’t know he was a son of Eros and that he could tell when shy waitresses had him on their mental tele with much less clothing, much more interest in public displays of affection, and much less respect for restaurant sanitation. Instead, Greece frowned thoughtfully, waiting for him to continue.

               “I’m not sure she’ll ever find any bloke physically attractive.” Calex remembered all the times she’d make flirtatious comments about people’s bodies, like empty reverberations of gossip she’d heard. She never felt it. She would just say it to make people laugh or to contribute to a conversation. And, Calex feared, to feel normal.

               This is where he should stop, but the words slipped out. “She said she loves me.” He remembered how she had snuggled into his chest, calling him her sweet, sexy teddy bear. But, he couldn’t read emotional love. That was Piper’s, his aunt’s, territory. Merry’s confession had taken him by dumbfounded surprise, since those words were typically preluded by some sort of physical attraction.

               “That made it worse. I want… I want an all-inclusive relationship. It wouldn’t need to be immediate. I would wait however long she wanted and we could talk through everything. But that’s assuming Merry would ever want that. What if she never wants it? Nothing says she needs to nor should she ever feel pressured if it’s not something she’s interested in…”              

               There was no better way for him to explain it. He knew, physically, how to properly take care of everyone he got close to. That’s why people would come to him for advice, like the time Axel had, shaking with embarrassment, asked about one of his dates with Reyna, and the time Kally had timidly asked some generic questions on how things worked when you’re copping off.[3]

               Even if Calex didn’t want to know, the sense of what everyone wanted was in a neat queue, waiting for use by him or as advice for others. He knew what to do at any time to really get their engines roaring. But, he didn’t with Merry. It was a blank slate. Everyone else had a rolling instruction manual that he could access in a split second. But, he didn’t want them. He didn’t care about those instruction manuals. He wanted to show Merry how much he appreciated her in the way his godly heritage had given him the unquestionable advantage, but… he couldn’t. She was the only reason he could guess why other blokes were so nervous interacting sexually. Typically, he was full of the confidence of knowing. Not with Merry. Not when she didn’t want to get physically intimate with anyone and nothing he knew of could spike any sense of desire.

               He didn’t know how to explain any of that without coming across as a total creep.

               “I know that’s selfish,” he said instead. “It’s not that I wouldn’t mind waiting. If I knew, in a few years…” There was no acceptable way to end that line of dialogue with a stranger, or—really—with anyone.

               “No…” Greece frowned and Calex was ready for a proper (and well earned with how much of a dodgy perv he sounded) feminist lashing. “Calex, that isn’t selfish.”

               Calex blinked. “Yes, it is.”

               She laughed. “No, it isn’t. That’s a compatibility conflict. And, for someone like you, that is a serious compatibility conflict. From the way you’re talking and the way you are, I know you’re not seeking your own sexual gratification. How many times would you pleasure Merry without getting any reciprocation and even noticing or caring that you hadn’t?”  

               “Hundreds, if not thousands,” he said reflexively.

               When he realized that those were real words that came out of his mouth, he glanced around, to make sure Amelia hadn’t heard to use that for her mental tele. Calex took a long sip of tomato juice, desperately wishing he had Merry’s power to turn it into something a bit stronger. His mind sprinted through excuses as to why he would need to leave this table in a hurry, and wondered if this woman would believe him if he said he had an appointment to slog Boris Johnson in the face.[4]

               Greece, however, acted like this question was a typical Tuesday question. “Probably the same number of times Merry would help you study for an exam without ever feeling like you owed her a favor.”

               Calex felt like they’d just been chatting about a meat eater repeatedly offering a vegetarian an endless chicken supply, and that Greece had brought up the time the vegetarian offered the meat eater an endless supply of slinkies. Calex wasn’t sure if Greece just had a time lapse or if she was just stark raving mad.

               She confused Calex enough to make him say, “But, I don’t care about revision for my exams.”

               “That’s my point. You express your love differently, in different languages, and don’t have any common communication ground, beyond the enjoyment of each other’s presence.” She sipped her sparkling drink and grinned. “Ah! Fizz la Poire! What a nice combo.”

               Calex wished it would be as simple as she’d suggested. “So, you’re telling me to pull a girl by studying with her? That’s the secret to the Merry Snog: a good math textbook.”

               Merry, he realized, would fancy that official title quite a bit.

               Greece shook her head. “You’re missing the point. The studying is the snog to her.”            

               “I’m not sure I follow you.”

               Greece laughed lightly. “You’re just like your father.”

               Calex almost choked on his next sip of the thick juice. “Excuse me?” His suspicion came back to hit him like a power kick from Alexis Sanchez.[5]

               She shook her head in pleasant amusement. “You need to consider what is important to the two of you and where you can both compromise. Can you be in a relationship where you both feel unloved because you don’t understand each other’s methods of expressing love? You both might feel more fulfilled with someone who naturally expresses their affection in a way you appreciate and understand. Then you both won’t feel guilty for expecting something that isn’t there or holding the other back. The guilt you’re feeling about wanting to spend time with Merry in a particular way and knowing she wouldn’t want that—have you considered that she feels the same guilt for a different unfulfilled want?”

               “I hardly think that’s an appropriate comparison,” Calex said. He mentally toured through the various times Merry had offered to study with him, help him with his homework, or look through summer job applications. Kally, Merry’s best friend, had explained that Merry was mental over keeping a 4.0. The queasiness in Calex’s stomach told him Greece was right. Merry showed her affection to her mum and brother, Nikhil, by helping them with school and work. Had he been a total idiot? But having someone study with you when they were bored of it and having them snog you when they were bored of it were two very different things.

               Greece smiled. “It’s closer than you’re allowing yourself to think. You two might be better off with someone more compatible. Couples can make it work when they don’t express love the same way or click immediately. I wasn’t enthralled with my husband when we first met, but, in no time, I want to Tartarus and back again for him.”

               She touched her shoulder, her eyes glassy with a memory. They warmed back to the present. “Times are different now. You can’t start your relationship by kidnapping your princess. Back to your modern scenario, you could sit there and study with her, despite not caring about the studying at all, and she could—”

               “No,” Calex said firmly, checking goddess on his internal description of this woman. “She’s… she’s offered to try. But, I can’t even kiss her when I know she’s not interested in kissing. Even if her reaction is disinterest instead of dislike, what’s the point if she’s not enjoying herself?”

               “And that, ‘What’s the point?’ is how she feels about any of the ways she wants to express her emotion. That’s why I was going to say, you could push through it, but I’m not sure it would be healthy for either of you right now. Maybe later, but not now. And I certainly don’t think either of you will be able to happily live life, enjoy it, and experience it, and potentially other people, if you leave the situation in limbo.”

               Calex frowned. He thought about Merry’s smile when she knew she’d cornered someone with blackmail or the way she’d tease him by bumping against him on “accident.”

               “That’s not the uplifting, encouraging speech I was expecting,” he admitted.

               She shrugged. “I’m not going to encourage you to do something that will hold you back from expressing yourself the way you most enjoy. And I won’t say you should do something that will prevent you from living life in a way that’s important to you. If you’re anything like your father, you’ve quite an appetite, and it would make you miserable to suppress it.”

               Calex sat there, stunned.

               No one would ever say that about Winston.

               Had she really—? There was no way. No one in their polite, right mind—

               “Oh gods, you’re Psyche,” he said. He had to set his tomato juice down to balance himself against the table. “Oh gods. You just said that about my dad. Please don’t ever, ever, EVER refer to his appetite—or—or refer to you two—augh—shagging ever again.”  

               Psyche released a beautiful, heartfelt laugh. “For being a son of Eros, you’re incredibly uncomfortable with these discussions. Your sister, Hedone, is very forward about this type of thing.”

               “I’m awkward and British!” Calex cried. “I’m not absolutely mental like you Greek gods!”

               Maybe Calex shouldn’t have been mouthing off to a goddess, specifically not his step-mother, but this was a bit to take in.

               “And—and why are you even here? Aren’t you supposed to think… rather unpleasantly of me?” All the stories he’d heard of gods meeting their step children didn’t end with fairies and sunshine and the god or goddess crying, “There’s my favorite proof of adultery!”

               Her smile softened. “Calex, Eros and I have been together for thousands of years. Every couple hundred years, one of us will meet someone as remarkable as your mother. Then, we discuss it and have our agreements. It would be ridiculous for me to hate someone Eros loves so much, especially someone who has grown into an impressive young man. I’ve wanted to meet you, but this is the first birthday you really knew who you were.”

               A sick taste hit his mouth. The hopelessness and dreariness of the morning threatened to overtake him again. A lot had changed since his last birthday.

               “Your father is going to drop by later today,” she said. “He had to do a favor for your grandmother so she doesn’t notice the two of us here with you.”

               Calex wasn’t worried about his father. Compared to other half-bloods, he saw his dad a lot. Over the last year, Eros had not been shy with gifts or advice.

               That wasn’t what was unsettling Calex. “Did you know Tiwa?” he asked quietly.

               Tiwa didn’t strike Calex as someone capable of being a mistress. He could imagine his mum marching up to Psyche as soon as she discovered Eros was married. And he certainly couldn’t think she would be like Mrs. Blythe, Merry’s mother who was… intimate with both Ariadne and Dionysus. Definitely filing that into Things He Never Wanted to Know.[6]

               “I mostly knew of her,” Psyche said. She leaned back into her chair. The sunrays beaming through the glass ceiling hit her back; Calex’s eyes widened when he saw an array of color flowering around her chair and sweeping by her feet: wings. Butterfly wings. The Mist must have coated them before, but the brilliant colors shimmered like a stained glass frame for her hair. Like everything else about her, they were vibrant to the point of breathtaking. “We met over tea a few times. She was… fearless despite the fact that she knew I was a goddess. She wanted to make sure everyone knew exactly what was happening between the three of us. She didn’t trust Eros acting as a messenger.”

               “She always liked to make sure things were done correctly,” Calex said.

               Psyche laughed. “That’s a generous understatement.”

               Staring at the colors of Psyche’s wings, he could picture his mum’s soft face, whether in a smile to appreciate a witty joke or a terrifying scowl to ridicule Calex for some act of stupidity. Calex swallowed. That horrible emptiness from this morning seeped into his system.

               He told himself not to—that he didn’t want to talk about it. Still, the words came out of his mouth. “I used to resent going to mum’s clinic in Kakata every holiday.  I often had to spend my birthday there, with Tom and Mum, while my mates were off in Playa Del Ingles, Saint-Tropez, or some other posh beach.”

               Now, Calex wished he could be there. He wished he could have woken up this morning to his great granddad poking him and his brother with a walking cane while muttering a cryptic, Liberian aphorism. Then he and Tom, whining and complaining about the heat, would escort Mum to her clinic for a day of hard labor.  

               Now, when it came to his mum and brother, some days were better than others. He could sometimes laugh with Winston about something Tom used to do, or how hopeless they both were in the kitchen without Tiwa around. Other days, the house was quiet and cold without the buoyant conversation about Tiwa’s nightshift or Tom’s football match. Most of the time, Gretchen ran out with her mates, and Calex and Winston were working.

               Today, Calex felt numb.

               “Chiron said I could stay at Camp Half-Blood this summer, but Winston needs me here. He can barely afford the flat’s rent without Tiwa’s helping to pay. We might need to move. That’s one of the reasons I was so mad at Marie—the museum head—for forcing me to take the day off. I don’t care that it’s my birthday. They never cared about stuff like that before.”

               He shrugged. “But… but this is my first birthday without my mum or brother. Gretchen won’t talk to me much. She hasn’t since… since I survived and the others didn’t.”

               His little sister worried him and Winston, but he didn’t feel like there was much he could do. It felt like… felt like she blamed him for living, like it was his fault that their home had fallen apart.

               Psyche didn’t say anything. She reached across the table and gently set a hand atop his. Over the last year, he’d become more accustomed to brash touching—Pax and Kally made sure to that. This was different. Something about her touch—she understood loss. Calex wondered how many lovers and children Psyche watched succumb to old age or sudden tragedy.

               They sat in silence for a moment.

               “Mum would scold me for dwelling on it so much. Tom would have hit me and told me I was being a twat. Especially on my birthday…” Calex laughed softly.

               “Calex, you need to let yourself feel without getting mad about the feelings.” She squeezed his hand.

               Calex glanced at her blue and white jersey, now shimmering into a sleeveless, short chiton, her glossy wings and hair, her sweet face and warm eyes. If she hadn’t met him at the football field, he would have kept to himself all day, with his phone off to ignore any contact with his mates. Gretchen would have stormed into the house without a word to him and Winston would have come home from work and collapsed in front of the tele without Tiwa to remind him of their birthdays.

               Here, he was out of the flat, chatting with a goddess about his lunatic love prospects and his family. Insane, but much less bleak than he’d expected the day to go.

               Calex didn’t know how to show his gratitude to Psyche.

               The sadness in Psyche’s eyes made Calex squeeze her hand back. She raised her Fizz la Poir. “To living life in honor of those we miss,” she suggested.

               He tilted his glass to hers. “I really need to get a different drink for toasting. I think Tom might be offended,” he said, taking a sip of his tomato juice.

               They smiled.

               The restaurant door opened and closed. Calex didn’t look over, but could hear some female giggles.

               Now that he’d mentioned changing out his drink, Calex had to wonder where Amelia went. Normally, she was—

               “There’s my favorite Teddy Bear.”

               For a split second, he could see Psyche’s smile tweak with amusement. Then, the world vanished behind two perfect breasts as someone wrapped him in huge hug.

               When the person withdrew, Calex found Merry beaming down at him. That green and gold, low-cut sundress wouldn’t have looked half as good on anyone other than her. Her hair was curled and Calex ached to realize this was the first time he’d seen Merry in smart dress for a party.

               Glancing around Merry, he saw this was, indeed, a party. Kally gave him a huge grin and wave. She had her—and presumably Merry’s—birthday gifts under one arm. Her other arm held the unmistakable colors of her Manchester United jacket. Calex was happy the weather was too hot for her to get mugged for putting it on in the wrong town. Behind Kally, Piper and Jason entered the restaurant, glancing around the glass ceiling.

               Paul, his crazy cousin, and one of their Arsenal hooligan mates stepped in after, noticed how Merry kept snug against Calex’s side and how Psyche sat across from him and gave Calex a subtle thumbs up.

               “When did all of you get here?” Calex asked, baffled. He glanced at Psyche who was innocently sipping at her drink. “Did you do this?”

               She shook her head. “Oh, no. I offered to get you here for lunch. That is the extent of my foreplanning.”

               “This did this,” Merry said and pointed to herself. “You have a child of parties and revelry before you and you accuse someone else of orchestrating a shindig. I’m personally offended, birthday boy.”

               A wave of euphoria struck Calex, and he didn’t think it was from Merry’s powers. He hadn’t seen any of them since he left America, at least a month ago. Electronics never agreed with demigods, so he struggled to properly keep in touch. Talking to his mates at home was uncomfortable. Everyone treated him different since he got back. Until Calex saw their smiling faces, he hadn’t known how much he’d missed them.

               “Hi Calex!” Piper cheered. “Lacy had to pick up someone else, but she and Mitchell are looking for parking right now.”

               Jason nodded. “Percy and Annabeth send their best, but they had some college-level monsters pop up.”

               “We had a few ‘maybe’ responses, but the important people are here,” Kally said and punched his arm.

               Out of his peripheral, he could see Amelia rush out with a pre-prepared tray of sparkling beverages. Paul and his mate, Oliver, helped her to set up some space for them.

               “The most important people, Cyclops?”

               Calex, Merry, Kally, Piper, Jason, and—to Calex’s alarm—Psyche, all jumped at the couple that entered the restaurant.

               For a split second, Calex dropped his hand to his pencil pouch, containing Soul Pain, his bow. After a breath, he recognized the new occupant. It was someone younger and much more annoying than the person Calex had mistook the boy for. Beside the boy was someone else that Calex thought he may never ever see again.

               Pax wore a familiar burgundy button-down and dress pants. His wild raven hair was combed back into a sloppy ponytail that curled and twisted. He wore his fully loaded utility belt with poisons and serums. Two revolvers hung out of his shoulder holsters and atop suspenders that were lined with darts. He winked his golden eye at Kally.

               Calex had to wonder what the Mist turned all those weapons into when Pax was on the street.

               Pax held his automaton hand out to escort a young woman Calex also didn’t recognize initially.

               Upon examining her, Calex could tell she wasn’t wearing real clothing. The… dress? Or sometimes body suit..? The clothing she wore trembled and altered as they walked closer. The mesh itself came from intertwining leaves, vines, and flowers. Petals fell from it as she walked, leaving a trail of colors. Her feet were bare. The only solid thing that she wore was a sickle strapped across her back with a vine. Her unkempt hair was enlaced with more beautiful flowers, ones—Calex thought—he remembered being poisonous.

               Her dark gaze was turned upward so she could grin at the glass ceiling.

               When she met his stare, she smiled like they’d seen each other yesterday. “Hey. Nice choice in restaurant. What’s their best meal?”

               “Euna?” Kally asked, covering her mouth with one hand.

               Like Calex, her fingers had dropped into her messenger bag in a reflexive search for a weapon.

               “Yes, a happy Euna, that looks completely normal and you should compliment her on realizing floral was in this summer,” Pax said.

               Jason opened and closed his mouth, glaring at Pax suspiciously. Everyone knew the Romans had been searching for these two. Piper tugged on Jason’s hand. “It’s nice to have everyone together for Calex’s birthday, isn’t it?” she asked.

               Calex could feel the calm of Piper’s tone.

               “Yep,” Merry piped in. “All here to relax and party.”

               Between the two of them, the tension in Jason’s arm muscles eased. Calex and Kally released their weapons. Piper tugged Jason to the side to look at a menu.

               A bee flew off one of Euna’s shoulder plants as she and Pax approached Calex. She held out a hand and a root twisted down her arm to her palm. Upon resting there, something sprouted, in fast motion, and a beautiful grey and purple flower appeared. “I made you a flower,” she said. “It will alternate blooming from mid-spring to late autumn. And, as Axel would have recommended, you can use its leaves to kill your enemies. But, for real, what is the best thing on this menu?”

               She set the flower into the vase on the table. All the other plants in the vase rose up to her hand, coming to full bloom.

               “Lovely,” Calex said, staring at the beautiful, deadly plant, so close to where they were going to eat. “And—um—for you? Probably the Boeuf Bourguignon.” He said, fumbling to think of the most filling thing on the menu. He was so taken aback by her appearance—someone he thought he’d never see again, he felt silly giving lunch recommendations instead of giving her a hug.

               She nodded, took a table, and was immediately set upon by Paul. Kally rushed over to make sure Paul didn’t unsettle the volatile daughter of Demeter. Calex had to wonder what Paul saw when he looked at Euna—a cute Korean girl in a floral dress? Someone nearly naked with… what would he think the sickle was?

               Psyche’s eyes trailed Euna’s movements, proving not everyone invited knew about everyone else that could be coming. He imagined Merry “forgetting” that she’d be inviting Euna and a goddess and—if his dad showed up—a god. At least Euna either didn’t recognize Psyche or didn’t care. From their conversations that morning, Calex could also imagine Psyche coming regardless.

               Pax withdrew something from a pouch on his utility belt. “She brought you a birthday gift. I bring you bribery.”

               He handed Calex an envelope.

               “The closest thing to a gift that a Pax boy can give when he doesn’t want to sleep with the receiver,” Merry said.

               Pax tsked. “Merry, don’t jump to conclusions. I could have great interest in Calex.”

               “Don’t even joke,” Calex hissed. He broke the seal. “I ought to open this now, oughtn’t I? In case there’s some sort of Morpheus powder?”

               He expected it to be a drawing of weasels devouring him, as Pax had promised to make in the past.

               Instead, there was a check.

               For a moment of stupid belief, Calex felt his jaw drop. With as much firm denial as he’d previously felt awe, he said, “This is fake.”

               Pax gave him that half-grin. “Now, really, you can’t know that until it bounces and you look like an idiot at the bank.”

               Calex glared. He leaned forward. Short of excusing themselves, there was no way to keep Merry and Psyche from listening, but he had to put up the illusion of privacy. Judging from their overtly feigned ignorance and they way they lunged into a seeming personal conversation for supposed strangers, he suspected they knew exactly what was in this envelope before he’d opened it.  “Pax, what dodgy thing did you do to get it and what are you getting at by pretending to offer this to me?”

               “I haven’t done anything dodgy to get this,” Pax said. His fingers made a metallic clacking noise as they shuffled along his utility belt. “I was talking to your step-mom—”

               “Aunt,” Psyche interrupted both their and her and Merry’s conversation. “Step-mom feels weird.”

               “Auntie,” Pax corrected. “About your situation—”

               Betrayal twisted Calex’s stomach. He hadn’t felt comfortable telling anyone, including Psyche, about his family’s financial situation. Now she was yapping to others? But… there was no way. He just spoke of it a few minutes ago…

               “—with the whole Pax Pharmaceutical Company drugging and kidnapping you and causing you all that trauma,” Pax said flippantly.

               Calex stared. “Pardon?”

                “Pax Pharmaceuticals is currently going through a rebranding, but it would really hurt our image if word got out that members of the organization had done some nasty things.”

               “Wait—” Calex could never forget the horrible events Pax was referencing—a year ago when Santiago Pax kidnapped all of them, drugged he and Merry, and killed Joey Song, Euna’s sister. That wasn’t where his confusion lay. “You’re actually bribing me?” he asked. Pax had been as much a traumatized victim as the rest of them.

               In the bluntest answer Pax had ever said to him, the young Mayan gave him a sly smile. “Yes. Happy Bribe Day.”

               “I put my hush money into a fund for Nikhil to go to university,” Merry said cheerily. “And he thought it was for us to go to Disney.”

               “How cruel,” Psyche said.

               Calex swallowed, staring at the check. “Psyche… you threatened to sue him?”

               “Threatened is a strong word,” Pax said.

               Psyche took a sip from her drink and gave him one of those dazzling smiles. Her wings fluttered.

               Calex didn’t like the idea of owing this dodgy bloke a favor, even if the favor was silence. As he stared at the digits, he thought about how long this check would last them if Winston downsized their housing and they were careful. The money he made from his summer job could go towards plane tickets to visit his mates in America and, like how Merry was using hers, maybe go into a college fund for Gretchen. And, if they accepted it, at least then he’d know any money Gretchen made would go towards new clothing instead of rent.

               “I’m thinking about using Kally’s money to take her on some surprise vacations,” Pax said.

               Merry clucked her tongue. “Using hush money from a kidnapping to fund further kidnappings. Pax, you naughty one.”

               “Oh!” He snapped his fingers, fishing out another envelope. “Wait—Calex, this is more important. Here is your birthday gift.”

               After the first envelope’s content, Calex was worried. He tore it open to look inside, wondering if he should wait until later—

               And found a depiction of a colossal weasel attacking Big Ben with what Calex could only assume was a stick-figure version of himself hanging out of the animal’s mouth.

               He wanted to express to Pax how much he hated him, but couldn’t rectify that with the weird need to give the boy a hug.

               Instead, Calex took something out of Axel’s old book of Etiquette in the Face of Pax and simply sighed, deciding to worry over the check later and enjoy the party.

               Although the odd intermixing of groups was a right mess, Calex had a fantastic time. He enjoyed watching Paul and Oliver fawn hopelessly over Euna, Psyche, and Kally, watching Kally and Paul argue over football, and watching Psyche awkwardly dodge around Pax’s audacious humor. Poor Kally didn’t know what to do when Pax turned on his charm full blast.

               Calex had to wonder what his mates would say if Eros really did show up. Others had said they could see the resemblance between the two of them. Would Paul and Oliver lose their minds to hear about Calex’s biological dad?

               All that faded away though when the best birthday present possible walked into the restaurant. Calex was in mid-laugh, watching Pax snark one of the fizzy drinks up his nose when he saw Lacy and Mitchell—children of Aphrodite that he’d shared a cabin with last year—step inside. Behind them, the lanky, nervous figure of Winston came through, babbling about being late. Lastly, there were four teenage girls.

               Three of them were people he hadn’t really seen much since they moved to St. Albans from their tiny flat in London when Calex was very young. One, a teenage girl with black-streaked blonde hair and punk clothing, winked at him, and he knew he would have to pretend he hadn’t seen her within the last year.

               Lastly, came a beautiful girl with frizzy black hair, caramel eyes, and a deep tan. She wore punk clothing that ought to have died a decade earlier, though Calex was certain she’d gotten them from the blonde. Calex had to marvel over how the fierceness in Gretchen’s eyes reminded him of Tiwa’s.

               They roamed inside as though their presence had nothing to do with the party—except that two of the girls, Liz and Emma if he remembered properly, where giggling and gasping at Calex’s presence. Gretchen always hated it when her friends got crushes on him.

               On their way to a booth in the corner, the blonde nudged Gretchen’s arm and whispered to her. “Come onnn, Gretch. Your brother isn’t half as annoying as mine.”

               Gretchen sighed, jammed her hands into her pockets, and glared at Calex. “Happy birthday or whatever,” she said.

               Those were the first words she had said to him in weeks.

               Calex knew she’d be furious if made a deal out of it.

               Before he could bollocks the situation, she and her friends continued to the booth, away from the rest of them. Calex smiled after them, tuning out the noise from the other party guests. Although he still missed his mum and brother, everything felt… lighter…

               When Calex brought his attention back to Pax’s antics, Psyche caught his eye and tilted her glass towards him.

               Calex tilted his—now a proper pint—back towards her. She was right. He still needed to find a way to thank her, Merry, and Gretchen for making this day a brilliant one. For now, he decided he would keep true to their toasting, and live life to the fullest in honor of those he missed.  

 Footnotes:

[1] Calex would CRINGE at how full of himself this makes him sound. He would like to apologize and offer Pax shirts to all.

[2] Pike’s betaediting comment: “We slaughtered an ox right quick to honor God, no big deal, a little off, I suppose, but not any weirder than anything those hooligans get to after the World Cup.”

[3] Much to Calex’s irritation and frustration at which people she looks at as love interests.

[4] British Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs

[5] Forward for Arsenal. Ehem. Until Manchester United, Kally’s favorite team, swiped him in 2018. However, in this book series’ timeline, Alexis would have just started his Arsenal career. Can you imagine the look of horror on Calex’s face when he found out one of Arsenal’s best players was being transferred to Kally’s team?

[6] Mel suggests a quick dip in the River Lithe. Supposedly cures that RIGHT up.

Thank you for the read! And thanks for the request from anon!

[whiteladyofrohann]

When did you start shipping Jonsa?

Hey anon, only quite recently if I’m being honest. Originally, Iwas against the ship. Obviously they aren’t actually brother and sister butthey were raised as siblings and so I didn’t like it. Then I watched season 6and fell in love with the ship. There are obviously so many obstacles, but Kitand Sophie had absolutely amazing chemistry that the obstacles didn’t bother meanymore and now all I want is Jon to marry Sansa and them to have childrennamed Eddard, Robb, Catelyn and Rickon. After watching season 6, I then re-readall the books, and although Jon and Sansa don’t actually interact, there are alot of things in the books that I immediately went ‘Omg Jonsa’.

S6 was perfect for the two of them. Whether you are a Jonsashipper or not, you have to say that the reunion was perfect. We’ve beenwaiting for a Stark reunion for years now, and so I thought, perhaps there’s adeeper meaning why it’s these two who reunite first. It was a beautiful scenethat made me cry, but it was the following scene that made me get on board theJonsa train. (Rest is under the cut because it’s a long one).

We hadn’t seen Jon or Sansa truly smile for a long time, andthey both were laughing and smiling at each other. It was wonderful to seethese two lost souls connect and light up and agree to fight for their home,for their family. And the scene at the end of episode 4 where Jon and Sansadecide to fight to take Winterfell back is another scene I love. But they’restill kind of awkward around each other. But that is something I love as well.Everyone knows there are many parallels between Jonsa and Ned/Cat. Addawkwardness in the beginning to those parallels. I imagine that the beginningof Ned and Cat’s marriage was very awkward, between Brandon and the woman Nedwouldn’t name, but we know that Ned is just genuinely awkward around women, atrait he passed along to Jon, because Jon’s biological father certainly had noproblem. These are obviously two very different scenarios, but I love that thefirst few Jonsa scenes are kind of awkward and the couple they mirror in somany ways developed from that into arguably the most loving relationship on theshow, and I felt that Jon and Sansa could follow that development.

Cut to episode 5, and we getthe scene where she hands him the cloak. I love this scene. It’s probably oneof the greatest gifts that Jon has ever received, and it comes from Sansa. Jon’senquiry about Sansa’s dress is another lovely choice, since my brother doesn’t carewhat dress I wear. My brother only comments when I have an awful choice inclothing, but Jon here comments that he likes Sansa’s dress, and then returnsto the awkwardness by saying he likes the wolf bit, almost retracting what hesaid before because he’s embarrassed. He then looks shocked when she gives himthe gift, and genuinely didn’t expect it. When she walks off, the small smilehe makes is another of my favourite moments.

There weren’t many Jonsastandout moments in episode 7, but in episode 9, there were plenty. They lookedlike a true power couple when they were side by side racing off against Ramsay.Take this line from the original script ‘Theylook beautiful and majestic, sitting there with Winterfell in the background’. Abeautiful, majestic couple back at their home. This is followed by theirargument scene in the tent, which is mostly fuelled on fear. Jon fears Rickonwill die, Sansa fears Jon will die, and then the argument ends with Sansatelling Jon she will kill herself if he loses. He looks heartbroken at that,and their argument stops dead. After the battle, Jon letting Sansa have thekill is a big moment as well, not necessarily a shipper moment, but it showsagain how compatible the two are.

The next scene we see themboth together is the scene on the balcony and it was another beautiful scene. There’san undeniable tension between the two and this scene demonstrates that. They openup to each other, confide in each other, offer each other the Lord’s Chambers,which they should share, but then we get the forehead kiss. A real tendermoment. And after it, Jon stares into Sansa’s eyes, even looks down at herlips. I don’t know any brother who looks at his sister that way. That was not aplatonic look, Kit Harington needs to learn how to look at his sister becausethat certainly had romantic vibes. Then Sansa makes Jon give the biggest smilein all 6 seasons we’ve seen him in.

Continuing on the smilefront, I’m pretty sure Jon smiles more in S6 around Sansa than he has done inthe rest of the seasons combined. Both of them seem freer and more relaxedaround each other than we’ve ever seen them. There’s also the lingering gazesthat both of them give each other. As I mentioned, platonically we don’t lookat our siblings the way Jon and Sansa looked at each other.

Season 7 comes along andthere is no doubt a power struggle between the two, but they argue almost likea married couple. They have each other’s best interests at heart. In episode 2when Jon is leaving and Sansa speaks out, she isn’t doing this because she istrying to undermind him, she is doing it because she loves him and doesn’t wanthim to meet the same fate as every other Stark in the south. She wants him tobe smarter than Ned and Robb, she doesn’t want him to die. In return, he doesn’twant her to be harmed, he threatens LF, a man he knows does not have her bestinterest at heart. He turns around to wave goodbye to her, rather than justwalking off, and it is emotional, and he’s worried that he’s leaving her, andshe’s worried that he’s going south.

Obviously that was the lastinteraction we’ve seen of them, but that didn’t stop them mentioning eachother. Sansa:

‘I wish Jon were here’ (Episode 3)

‘I hope he comes back soon’ (Episode 4)

‘Jon is our King’ (Episode 5)

Jon longs for home while he’son Dragonstone, he doesn’t like the south. And I love the reactions he makeswhen people talk about Sansa.

I’m sure we will see manyJonsa interactions in the show in S8, though she won’t be happy with him forbending the knee so that could cause problems. The Northmen don’t like theTargaryens, and won’t be happy with Jon. Jon’s claim on the North is very weakas it is, especially with three Starks in Winterfell and Sansa doing very well.If Jon has made an alliance with a Daenerys and then it’s revealed he’s aTargaryen, the Northmen may not want him as a King. What is the best way forhim to retain his status, to marry Sansa. Sansa who has no Targaryen ties, whowas born in Winterfell, who is a Stark. If Jon marries Sansa, it’ll mean hischildren are Ned Stark’s grandchildren, something that will mean a lot to him. Butpolitically in the North, this marriage would make sense.

In the books, there aren’t asmany clear cut Jonsa moments, but there are passages that mirror well and I lovethem:

“Frogfaced Lord Slynt…remembering how he had thrown down her father for Ser Ilyn tobehead, wishing she could hurt him, wishingthat some hero would throw him down and cut off his head.” (Sansa VI, GOT)

“Edd fetch me a block.” (Jon II, ADWD).

Guess who Sansa’s hero whobeheads Janos is? It’s Jon. Next, look at one of Sansa’s heroes from herstories:

“Shecalled for the heroes from her songs, for Florian and Ser Ryam Redwyne and Prince Aemon the Dragonknight, but no oneheard” (Sansa IV, ACOK)

“‘I’m Prince Aemon the Dragonknight’ Jonwould call out, andRobb would shout back, ‘Well I’m Florian the Fool’. Or Robb would say, ‘I’m theYoung Dragon,’ and Jon would reply, ‘I’mSer Ryam Redwyne.” (Jon XII, ASOS)

This is a lovely parallel,and added to the fact that Jon executes Janos, it paints Jon as a hero toSansa, one of the heroes from her songs. Add the fact that I’m sure Jon’s namein the books is Aemon, it is an amazing bit of writing from George

There are other things in thebooks as well, but a favourite line of mine is “I am a bastard too now, just like him. Oh, it would be so sweet to seehim once again”. This is likely to happen in the books and I believe theywill reunite before the other Starks, still probably in TWOW. I just love somesubtle things in the books that scream Jonsa.

This kind of got long, but I justadore the ship and I have high hopes for the books at least, and I so wantJonsa to be endgame, no matter what has happened in the show, until episode 6of season 8, I have hope.

[wayward-wren]

if i may pop my head into the pro life/pro choice discussion ive seen on my dash for a moment? i agree that pregnancy can be... pretty fuckin magical. i lived with my sister for the second half of her pregnancy, and it was awesome. sure, there were some yucky parts, but she loved it overall. and im happy for her and every other person who wants to be pregnant and wants a baby! i absolutely support them. but i dont ever want to be pregnant. my partner and i do want kids someday, but (1/?) -🐨☕

i dont ever want to carry. im pan, and ive slept with guys before. any time i had pregnancy scare, i was terrified. and i likely would have tried to get an abortion. not just because i dont want to have a kid, i would love to be part of bringing a new life into the world. but not now, and not by me. ive personally got a host of health issues and mental health issues that would certainly be exacerbated by a pregnancy, not to mention the high risk of passing on these hereditary issues (2/?)-🐨☕

to my potential child. so, i personally want to support people's right to make that choice. there are a host of reasons why someone might, be it trauma or health issues or finances or not being ready. do people need to be careful with sex? absolutely! but people also dont get taught properly about contraception a lot of the time, and that means accidents happen. and people have the right to bodily autonomy, and while pregnancy can be absolutely wonderful for those who want it (3/4) -🐨☕

i certainly dont think that it should be forced upon someone. like, people dont have to accept someones marriage proposal, or anything like that, or be forced to donate their organs, or even forced to have life saving medical procedures. so why should pregnancy be forced upon them? anyway, i hope you're having a lovely day, and look forward to a response if you're up for it. :) (4/4)-🐨☕ 

Hi! Thank you for your messages, and thank you for sharing your story a little! Hope you’re also having a good day! My family picked up our puppy today, so I’ve had a good one! I’m probably going to make a pretty brief reply I’m sorry, since it’s getting late, but I shall try to address some of the main points!

I think one of the main things I notice where we differ is attitude towards sex. Sex leads to pregnancy, right? That’s what it was designed for, at least, that’s what I believe. That doesn’t mean it isn’t the only thing it’s designed for, I also think it's a beautiful way to show the love between a man and his wife, but pregnancy is a pretty big side effect and a result of the act of intercourse.  

Therefore, since, no matter how careful you are whilst having sex, accidents can happen, resulting in a pregnancy, I don’t believe you should be having sex until you’re ready to have a child. I don’t value having sex over the life of a child, however young or undeveloped it might be. But I do understand that in today’s world, this is a shocking ask. But I still don’t think we should punish the child for the choices of his or her’s parents. 

Now, I understand that rape is a different matter. However, I still don’t believe that children conceived of rape should be aborted. Don’t punish the child for the crime of the father. Don’t make another victim. 

I understand that we’re going to disagree with this matter, but I’m not going to change my mind. I see value in all life, and I see unborn children, no matter how small, as living humans. 

I’m also going to reply to this ask because it might be the same person, sorry if not, but it’s all in one post now! 

and none of those things should be forced on people. im not really here to argue over the abortion rights part that bit we wont agree on, im disputing your assertion the pregnancy is an inherently wonderful beautiful thing for every pregnant person, the very existence of abortion refutes that. 

Pregnancy is wonderful because it’s unique to women. Those who are born biologically women are born with the ability to carry a child into the world, to bring life and to feel that child develop inside her. No man is going to be able to experience that, and I think that to diminish this wonderfully unique factor of womanhood, and of the amazingness of women who do bring children into existence is to diminish women. Pregnancy can suck, yeah, I do admit to that. But it’s pretty cool at the same time! 

Anyway, I’m gonna head to bed now! Night all! 

[viralhottopics]

Dont tell me its going to be OK: diary of a Latino teenager in the age of Trump

Angelina Alvarez fought pro-Trump graffiti by wearing a Dump Trump shirt to school. After he won the election, she kept a diary about her life and feelings

When anti-immigrant, anti-Mexican, pro-Trump graffiti began showing up around their California high school, Angelina Alvarez and other Latino students fought back with Dump Trump T-shirts.

After Donald Trump won the US election, the Guardian asked Alvarez, 17, to keep a diary about her life and feelings in this new era.

Election Day 8 November

Trump won I dont even know what to think. Im just scared, I want to be with my grandma right now and just hug her. My grandma that came here as an immigrant, who worked hard, who was able to buy a home, who sent her kids to college, who later became documented. How can people hate someone like her?

Im looking at my friends Snapchat stories and seeing that even a few of my friends are excited that he won. I ask them why they hate themselves. Unsure how to answer, they delete their stories. Im just thinking about all of the families that are going to be affected by this. I pray that we all stay strong and do not back down to any of the obstacles we have ahead of us. It is such a disappointment. Our country is a disappointment.

9 November

It was so uncomfortable at school today I had my classes that have the biggest Trump supporters in my school. They were surprisingly dead silent, all of them. They didnt look at me and I didnt really look at them. I wonder why they were so quiet though, it scares me honestly but I dont know why.

My sister and friends told me that they saw a lot of people wearing their Trump gear and congratulating each other. I didnt want to be there, I just wanted to go home. My stomach was uneasy and I didnt even want to eat lunch. I couldnt think in class, I couldnt stay focused. I wanted to run home and just lay in my bed.

One of my friends that Ive known since I was in kindergarten, whose mother is undocumented, saw my sister and broke down sobbing. And I just read a post from another friend, she and her mother were taunted by junior high kids yelling Trump and Go back to Mexico. This is happening here, at my school, in my neighborhood. Is this really my neighborhood or am I an intruder?

10 November

This morning I got a message from a teacher that we were having a meeting to talk about everything thats going on with Trump. I love that our teachers care about us and how we are feeling. In reading all the posts that people are putting up I feel sad that they are alone and wish they could join us.

I took a couple of my friends to the meeting. At first, there were only about 10 people 15 minutes later there were about 100 of us. I felt so liberated and happy seeing everyone walking in. My heart was beating so fast I wanted to cry, I wanted to hug everyone. Seeing everyone in solidarity made me so proud, it made me feel hopeful.

About 10 students spoke up and talked about not being scared, to unite and to prove the Trump supporters wrong. I wanted to get up there and point out that its not just Trump he has all these followers behind him that are capable of worse things. I want to compare our situation with what the Jews must have felt when Hitler went from being a joke to being their leader. The pigment of our skin and the accent in our voice is like the star on their clothing.

I want to say so much but I cant. I dont want to disrupt the unity in the room and the hopefulness that is being shared. I wish we could have another meeting so I could share all my thoughts and emotions. Im upset with myself for staying quiet. Its not the time to stay quiet, Ive been silenced enough.

11 November

I am so glad we were off from school today. I feel drained, so tired, I feel heavy like I dont want to do anything. I feel anxious like I am worried something is going to happen. I dont want the TV on or any kind of news. I asked my sister not to play music loud. I dont want my mom to listen to hear political shows. I want a break from the elections, I need a break from all of it.

12 November

My mom told me about a huge rally in Los Angeles put on by an organization I know, Union del Barrio. I begged her to go, I had to go, I had to release my anger and frustration. I needed to feel connected to other people. When we arrived we were shocked to see thousands of people!

There were people holding up flags from different countries, different struggles, different identities, it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. We were all chanting loudly, holding our fists up for justice, and showing love for one another, forming a rhythm together with our voices. Even though I arrived with anger in my heart, I couldnt stop smiling from all the love and unity I saw around me.

We watched as more and more people joined, we listened to speakers call out for action, telling us not to back down. I held my moms hand, I told her I couldnt believe this was going on. I looked over at her and saw she was crying. I hugged her because I knew how she was feeling. I told her that this was just what I needed. We were unstoppable and unafraid.

13 November

Part of me wanted to go to a rally in Santa Ana today because it is local and I want to show support, but another part of me didnt. I read the rules for this rally, which made me uncomfortable; its a respectability politics kind of rally. I have gone to rallies like this before, where they criticize youth who get too radical.

Those kinds of views are what got us Trump in the first place. I dont know, maybe it was a great rally but I dont want resistance to be criticized. I stand by all people who protest; whether its peaceful or not, we all have the right to feel, we have the right to react, we have the right to be angry. Please dont tell me its going to be OK, you dont know whats going to happen so stop saying that. We, youth, ultimately, have to face the consequences, we have to live with decisions we had no control over.

I told my mother I would rather hang out at the house. I want to rest; I want to feel normal again, whatever that means. I noticed that when Im out at the store, I am constantly wondering what people are thinking of me. I wonder if they voted for Trump, if they dont like me or if they will say something to us.

24 November

Hmm Thanksgiving was super uncomfortable for me. We spent the day with extended family, some of who are white. I honestly have never really felt comfortable around them.

After our Thanksgiving dinner, we were all in the living room talking. My cousins made a remark about the grandpa looking like Bernie Sanders right away they all seemed disgusted when they heard his name. My cousins kept saying how Bernie Sanders was the best and my extended family kept saying Well he didnt win, he didnt win. Pretty much insinuating that Donald Trump is the best since he won. Then my cousin asked them why they like Donald Trump and they just stayed quiet.

I looked over and saw my grandmother, my uncle and aunts, all who were undocumented at some point in their life, who take pride in their culture, their language, and their customs and wonder if they feel the tension in the room. I can tell my grandmother wants to go home. I want to go home too. But I would also defend them if anyone tried to insult them. I dont want to feel like this in my safe space on this special day.

8 December

Trump has named Scott Pruitt, Oklahomas attorney general, to head the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency). How does that even make sense? Even I, a high school student, know thats bad decision. Its like having narcos lead the war on drugs.

9 January

People are salivating just waiting to see people being arrested and deported on TV. The same people whose relatives immigrated here years back but for some reason think they are the True Americans. The same people that stereotype immigrants as being Mexican criminals but dont know that Mexicans are not the majority of immigrants in the US. The same people who are not aware that the majority of those immigrant people never committed a serious crime. The same people that will root for unborn babies pro choice and at the same time for root for children to be separated from their parents.

My heart hurts for my undocumented Daca brothers and sisters who may be at risk starting next week. History repeats itself, get ready for another Operation Wetback.

16 January

Today I had basketball practice, then got to spend the day with people who practice Martin Luther Kings teachings every day. I was so annoyed seeing people post about MLK, sharing his quotes when they just recently were in support of Trump or criticized BLM. How can they not see the hypocrisy in that? Its like they have selective discrimination they discriminate when its popular.

Sometimes I wish I didnt know so much maybe then I wouldnt feel pain when I hear stories, but other days I am glad that I am 17 and woke.

We finalized our plans for Inauguration Day I am excited and angry. Excited that thousands of people from all over the world will stand against Trump and his fascist ideas, yet angry that this day kicks off his plans to harm people.

We are going to start the day with thousands of people in Downtown Los Angeles, then join an evening protest with mostly young people in Santa Ana. The following day Saturday January 21 we will be joining women in Orange County for a big march standing for womens rights. Standing up against Trump is important and I hope other people join, it is to show him and his followers that we will not back down and we will resist hate. May the universe help us.

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