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my kn95 is the only reason a student was unable to break skin when scratching my face today woo
#my jacket sleeves also mean i'm walking away with a few bruises instead of broken skin there as well#the student got in a good bite and forceful grab#after years of working at this school this is a new experience for me#but all things considered it has not been too bad#i am learning lol#anyway mask up y'all#for more reasons than you may realize#j.txt
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Something something perhaps the reason Curly lacks a truly undamaged ID where his face is visible is to represent how much damage Jimmy had already affected on him throughout their relationship and the way Curly obscured part of who he is and what he stood to unintentionally cater to this toxic influence in his life.
#I think there is something to say that most people draw post crash curly and may not have every drawn him pre crash#and I think it says something that we only really look at the characters substantially in relation to Jimmy and not their own merits#unless we are discussing how J I M M Y mischarcterizes them cause in this#since we don’t assign a face and identify to Curly’s actions outside of Jimmy until the end their is the question of how much we are viewing#them as separate entities rather than intertwined actions cause while the flipping#of who we play at shows them and parallels and in separable in terms of the story going down#they couldn’t be drastically more different in thinking and you only really realize that at the birthday scene where Curly felt the need to#take responsibility for something while Jimmy just felt the need to take#this is also more so me thinking about all the reason people think Curly and Jimmy could be friends but they are missing the point of Jimmy#and his dynamic there is nothing severely weird or sinister about Curly or his intentions it’s that he’s well meaning to a fault#he’s an average dude having a mid life crisis and Jimmy is a guy that takes advantage of good intentions like the idea#that curly has to be like Jimmy in some way personality humor morally is the exact sort of projection Jimmy wants#to happen and does like it’s the sad and real case that sometimes people just have friends like Jimmy that they can’t cut off for one reason#or another like it’s not highly philosophical people are friends with objective assholes but it’s less about them#and more about the person feeling some obligation to stay like I feel like crafting him into#being more morally grey is to just make it easier to be angrier or think someone with more of a backbone#could of done something but it’s not even that he was spineless he was just too distracted and sometimes that feel like cowardice like even#Swansea waited it’s just the sad truth of how people avoid people like Jimmy or setting them off#sometimes it just does more harm than good I just am so bored with all the takes#acting like there was a perfect man on that ship and that any one outside of Anya knew the exact type of guy Jimmy#was from the get go like the point is other men wouldn’t in rape culture but women and their victims already know#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#throwing rocks at Jimmy
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i love looking at hot takes and realizing that some outsiders fans don’t realize that fandom is something fun. nothing is truly that serious at the end of the day.
#ik i am a hypocrite but like fuck y’all HATE when people have fun with ensemble characters#like let people have fun and do shit#keep your head down and don’t be an ass#i’m chill with about 99% of the fandom cause of that#but some of y’all are insane#and book fans hate musical fans for some reason and will not shut the fuck up about it#like glad you like the book that’s great!! love that and i’d love to discuss it but the musical is not the root of all evil#oh nooo they added more characters cause you need more for a musical to function#every adaptation changes things lemme hold your hand i promise it’s okay that this happens#also y’all realize some things were cut cause they needed to fit in the MUSIC. cause it’s a MUSICAL#and none of these ensemble are magically getting more lines#idk i’m tired of the fighting cause it’s notttttt that deep and y’all hate seeing musical fans have fun#also you aren’t better than me for not shipping something holy fuck#i don’t care that you don’t ship something i do#one of my best friends in the world doesn’t ship one of my main three ships and we get alone very well#that’s not my issue#my issue is people acting like they understand the story more or are immune to mischaracterizing the characters#they can be shipped and still hold true to themselves#these tags are a lot of yap but i’m tired and sad and pissed off so#y’all get this#this happens so much with cherrycola acting like it gets rid of their major character traits#the whole point is they are FRIENDS before they ever get together#they don’t get together til LATER ON#they have to heal and work out their own issues#“but cherry said blah blah to ponyboy”#consider its cause her boyfriend just threatened to kill a child. she may have been a little shaken up and not wanted#to bring more trouble and attention to him#anyway#the outsiders#the outsiders broadway
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do u think either charles or erik had trouble coming to terms with their love for one another?? like religious guilt, internalized homophobia, etc.
Many such cases really … not hard to imagine them dealin with that …
#snap chats#erik might depend tho. depends on when he realizes hes in love with charles#before going Full Magneto i can imagine SOME internalized guilt but post prob not#under the whole ‘why be ashamed of what i am in ANY regard’ and all that#charles def probably has a worse time dealing with feelings of guilt#tho thats just charles in general being in love with someone i fear fjOWDJAKS#i cant imagine gender has anything to do with it tho. just charles Being Charles#hang on im sitting here thinking about it now#i think charles and erik wouldnt DOUBT the love they have for each other just- again depending on what era of erik this is- may be hesitant#magneto erik reads more as Bitterly in love with charles do you know what i mean#like ‘i love you and its painful i love you because of how incompatible we are now’ type shit#charles got that tired divorced-but-still-in-love dad energy about him towards magneto#fuck i was supposed to talk about their First Feelings Of Love im so off topic djOAZJSJ#my brain refuses to think of them younger than their thirties im so sorry let me try again#yeah no i could see them both accept the fact they have feelinfs about each other but for one reason or another not act on it#esp if they were with gab at the time. Oops. its kinda awkward now#in THAT RESPECT THEN i can see charles feeling conflicted and a little guilty#ditto on eriks part if he acknowledges charles’ feelings for gab#but without gab in the picture? i could see charles making a move and not being so ashamed of himself#maybe. after some time together i do see charles making the first move#would erik reciprocate and admit his feelings in that moment ? maybe not. give him like. a day or two tho diOEDJSJ#i typed all that bullshit for nothing sorry i put the answer at rhe very bottom we know how i am at this point#see now i just imagine charles talking to erik about accepting his queerness and erik getting snooty#like No Erik Im Not Saying This So You’ll Date Me I’m Saying This So You Love Yourself or something to that tune#and charles is truthful in that hes all about helping others accept themselves. and thats exactly why erik falls harder in love with him 😔#and then they make out sloppy style the end
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imagine being Misty Fey and leaving your daughters in the care of your asshole sister who frames one of them for murder and is literally just about to do it again, knowing that the asshole sister has a daughter who killed two (debatably three) people and nearly killed another. You keep track of one of your daughter's life enough to notice that that one kid that your niece tried to kill interned with your daughter and defended your other daughter for the first daughter's murder because they met at the crime scene and became instant buddies and the first time you meet your remaining child she doesn't recognize you. You will never be able to tell her who you are because you get murdered that night.
#i am always thinking about a bridge to the turnabout btw#you think she looked at phoenix interacting with Maya and was like 'welp I guess I have a son now'#lost one lawyer daughter and gained one lawyer son#her reputation had to have been crazy for her to disappear for so long like holy crap#i bet she was at Mia's funeral in a disguise#she's kind of fascinating actually i wonder how much she actually knew...#she may be a deadbeat but she's so interesting to think about#i like to think she tried to silently keep up with her kids but couldn't contact them#she definitely shouldve though#at least after morgan was jailed like... what are you waiting for? dl6 was solved! maya could channel greg again and ask why he lied!#theres literally no reason to just dip out forever anymore!#i hate her i want to study her I want her to haunt the narrative more#misty fey#ace attorney#i want misty to watch courtroom recordings because she's desperate to see her daughters#she gets to know phoenix as shes trying to keep up with Mia and Maya#middle child phoenix supremacy#imagine realizing that this random guy has done more to protect and save your daughter than you have by just being there for her
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do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.
#GODDDDD. I LOVE HER SM AUTISM WOMAN.#I go insane thinking abt her and her life and how she develops in THH and past it#and how Makoto and her literally bring out the best AND worst in each other#and her narrative parallels w Byakuya. the way they’re so similar that they’re hypocrites for disliking each other#at first and then the way they’re indispensable in that they’re they only other one that Understands why they’re like that#I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog#the way she fucking commands so much respect and control and how strong she is#and the fact that she is constantly reinforcing that strength by shoring up any weakness or vulnerability with terrifying effectiveness#that leaves her invulnerable but completely alone. and for a long time that seemed like a good thing#and she may even believe it is#but you hear the way she talks about her father and you realize she’s HUMAN. she doesn’t want to be an island all the time.#she has emotions just like anyone else and being viewed as though she doesn’t is incredibly alienating and reinforces her isolation#if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t still be mad that her father left her alone. it wouldn’t still pick at her the way it does#it wouldn’t drive her to abandon the entire purpose of her family by revealing herself as the Ultimate Detective in order to get to him#and then there’s Makoto and Byakuya challenging those aspects of her all over again#Byakuya sees the worst of her. he believes what she puts forth as herself and sees that ruthless cold efficiency#and he isn’t wrong to believe those things. as much as she wears a mask it isn’t fake that she has those qualities#but then comes Makoto who doesn’t see through her mask either but chooses to believe she must be human somewhere even if he’s not sure#he continues to trust her with absolutely no reason to and it feeds into her own ruthless efficiency by making him her Guinea out of sorts#but it also means there’s someone on the shoreline of her island. they want to come in. Will she let them?#that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable.#hhhh#I’m crazy
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thought there was a show i could go to at the end of this month but i looked wrong its at the end of march
#last show i went to was in august!!!! thats too damn long!!!#i want to see some pretty pointy doggies :(#i guess thats yet another reason to pay visit to that breeder#because i want to actually spend time around dogs and talk and im realizing shows arent it for that. at least for me#everyone is busy and im always super nervous not to mention i prefer to focus my attention on photography when im there anyway#which is more than enough reason for me to go but for the rest i need some other way lol#rambling of the day over you may carry on#mine
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Lesbian flag discourse set us back like 20 years for real
#.txt#its especially heinous to me bc like. the ppl who were against the old les flag won#and we got a new flag that actually has meanings and shit#but then everyone uses the design w less stripes that was /specifically made for merch/#bc ppl whined that too many stripes would make it more difficult for merch or whatever#so emily gwen made the vers w less stripes#THAT WASNT A FUCKING INVITE FOR EVERYONE TO JUST USE THAT ALL THE TIME THOUGH.#the stripes literally have meanings if you just yse the one w less stripes jts like completely stripping it of its symbolism#and even THEN people are STILL rallying to create yet ANOTHER 'official' flag bc emily gwen is a shithead or whatever#brother i dont think we are ever gonna have a flag creator that is completely and 100% a good person#you'd never hear an outcry like this with other flags--#(except maybe the blue gay man flag but even that relates back to lesbian discourse)#continuouslt making new 'official' flags because the older ones were problematic is a fucking futile endeavor#the only reason i use emily gwen's flag rather than the old one is because i dont wanna get harassed#I HATE FLAG DISCOURSE RAAAHHHHH it started with lesbians and it always ends with lesbians i hate it so much#just fucking leave queer women alone#i literally lived througj the les flag discourse myself and it pisses me off so much#update: i realize i got really heated and what i said abt the 5-stripe orangepink flag may be misinterpreted#there's nothing wrong with people using that variant its just kind of a personal peeve#because the 7 stripe flag had meanings added to every stripe#and hthe fact that the variant w some of those stripes Gone is more popular is well. it just annoys me
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To both HLVRV fans and Fallen London fans, I am so, so sorry for what I've drawn completely unrelated correlations to. (I'm lying I regret nothing.)
#So#99% of The Merry Gentleman's design here is absolutely noncanon.#But I realized while drawing them that the “making them taller than my literal tallest character—#that ISN'T a sort of eldritch entity from space that I associate with cyan/blue#(Not G-Bitch)#—and giving them weird ominous fog that ever constantly follows them#and the fact that I gave these idiots heels#[This is where headcanon starts kicking in‚ bewarned]#aaand the fact that they would chase you across an entire city if only for dream related reasons#(Thanks Chnle for the senario of Sleepless chasing Hypnos across several streets because I stayed up late and refused to go back to sleep)#(Several crimes and annoyed shouts of grievances that the other was being stubborn had dawned that night.)#And about the first point:#I once misread a post Mothr o made for SL being taller than literally everyone(including other G-Man) but G-Bitch/GVRV at some point.#I thought it was too funny to take back—#Have I mentioned that I loved both(ish) while they were shadow-y then disliked them slightly after they reveal themselves?#Have I mentioned that I still fucking despise May?#But he's fun to draw like this unfortunately.#Have I mentioned I have several scenarios I could've drawn to correlate these two more obviously but I feel asleep before it?#HLVRV#Fallen London#HLVRV Dr Sleepless#The Merry Gentleman#The Manager of the Royal Bethlehem Hotel#I think.#I have more doodles I've forgotten to post but I thought this one most urgent. Especially since HLVRAI has my mind at gunpoint now.#Most are FL OC posting. And approximately ONE doodle of HLVRV Doc (It may increase in amount.)
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I've always wanted to wake up from a dream laughing and I just did but I realized after I woke up that I have missed a million social cues :((((((((((((((((( it wasn't even funny idk why I couldn't stop giggling. I dont even giggle irl.
#this also may have been a separate dream#i was in this big aquarium swimming and walking around. it was like. you could swim in a lot of the exhibit and interact with the animals#i had some sort of mission and i also found a baby seal who i picked up and was carrying around as i wandered around#eventually i ended up in this little nook that had one of the adult seals/walrusess? so i let the baby go but the adult was not into it and#i heard someone day something like “aw he still has hope”#theres this kid that works at the aquarium and i tell him to come with me for some reason. its around this time i realize this is some movie#the kids boss is like “next time you leave your post you gotta dive out”#and im worried a bit allready sbout him leavin his post with the adult walrus up there.#then suddenly the glass starts breaking everywhere. like one crack then the whole aquarium starts falling apart#and the kid seems a bit worried.#as were all evacuating i decide that its my fault. because the walrus must have been ramming the glass while the kid wasnt watching.#i remember thinking about how this was a movie or something and feeling really dumv#then yhe dream was over snd there was s recap??? in like drawing form and it showed the main character (me) putting a bomb in the center of#the aquarium in some sort of well or something. so. i guess it really was completely my fault in a different way than i thought#then later im at some sort of party or something and then i leave the party for another party or something? and i feel really bad sn#and socially innept the entire time. the person who i think i reconize we start talking and theyre like the first person whos nice to me#and were talking about following eachother on Instagram? or somth#while their scrolling i see a video eith one of my old friends and shes on the news? the headline is like “me and cathy snd the murder#victim...“ or something. and im like ”hey thats my friend“ and the person just shuts their phone off.#any ways so this person lets me hitch a ride with them back to the original party. they get out of the uber super early but its the right#house and the tell the driver that hes lost and the DRIVER gets out. so im like oh i guess this is their car??#and so they drive up to the drive way and three more people start getting in the car and theyre like putting stuff in the trunk#and talking about where to sit and i just start giggling.#and im still trying to participate like i offer to sit in the middle. theres already someone sitting at the front but he gets out and#everytime someone says anything i start giggling??? and like its sunny and everyone is very attractive in a way that o just found so funny#and then eventually two of then run over to this like panel dash board yhing that on a wall outside and like messing with it opening the#glove box and stuff and i just wake up#and immediately upon waking. well first i was like “teehee. i woke up from giggling” then i thought about it and i was like “oh. i was#take the front seat :(#dream log
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for all my criticisms of the structure, pacing, and delivery of endwalker - its themes and messaging were rock solid and ill never understand the narratively illiterate losers that came away from it feeling hatred and disdain for hermes and meteion… but i suppose blatantly communicated messages about the necessity of sadness alongside hope in the name of survival of the human spirit being completely missed is par for the course with this the most vocal of xiv’s playerbase
#post prompted by me trying to watch an analysis video and not getting more than 5 minutes in before deciding the writer was wholly lacking#in sympathy and desperate to prove himself Better and Stronger than a character that gave into despair..idc if you had to say you know ppl w#depression. i suspect they don’t open up to you as much as they wish they could bc of how you talked here.#you’re allowed to say EW wasn’t the expac for you but this constant reaching for ‘fallacies’ is so tired#you simply don’t care about these characters’ pain and are uncomfortable realizing that would have made you part of the reason they fell#should you have been there. and you don’t wanna reflect on what that means of your interacts w the ppl around you irl who may be struggling#it’s okay to just reflect on yourself some..all we have is time…
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okay I’m done
#And if you read all that and thought#Wow. Seems like that bitch has been near a gas leak#…..You may be more correct than you thought!!! They said it’s fixed. It isn’t. Whatever#So yeah thats also probably why the idea of the body enduring\degrading too slowly 4 you to realize how bad it is is so effective on me lol#Part of the reason anyway#misc tag#harebrained thought#hare posts
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...
#ay ay ay. now that the soul crushing project is done ive elected to spend the week managing data#which is decidedly more chill than what ive been doing for the last month but also isnt not doing anything and it isnt getting stuff done#for when i have to move. so thats annoying. and ive been drawing again at least but i can feel the escalation in my controlling behavior#so its now very frustrating trying to draw anything. coloring is gonna take a million years rip.#also suddenly everyone wants to b social rn? like tomorrow my boss is organizing a thing with an old lab mate and this weekend a#collaborator is having a retirement party. and next week my lab mates wanna do a trivia night. and i kno that i should go to these things.#and i will try but i really dont want to go to any of it. mostly for driving reasons but also im a husk of a person rn. but the more#devastating thing is that uh next week one of the kids i grew up with is getting married to a rich girl lol. and like we werent that close#bc i was and am such an asocial freak but after the wedding my parents r picking up their new camper and camping their way across the#country with my sisters. and im sure someone probably told me the dates of these things at some point but if u tell me dates i will#instantly forget them. so thats. ya kno. happening over basically the next 2 weeks while i have to kill myself over measurements for a#different study i dont care abt. and like. its fine. ill see them mid may for a different planned trip. it just makes me kinda sad#a product of living halfway across the country i guess. im just inherently more disconnected to everyone. i would suspect thsts semi#intentional subconsciously. u cant b upset abt not being able to connect with ppl if you create enough physical distance that u never see#them in the 1st place. u cant misunderstand me if i make myself absent and unknowable. idk. i was explaining to my mum that i didnt realize#the timeline and she was like. understandable whatever u wanna do! and idk y that upsets me so much. i guess its just that i dont want to b#doing this. its causing me pain but dont kno how to articulate it in a way that makes sense. whatever. my mouth hurts. my lips r so chapped#that the irritation is spread past my lip line. probably doesnt help thst i keep rubbing at it lol. anyway things r still annoying#less soul crushing thsn last week but still frustrating#unrelated
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Wendy and Abby fuck me up so bad just like in general but what keeps coming back to haunt me is wondering how long they had to go through it all just them two. How many times did Wendy die, how many times did Abby watch the light fading from the eyes of her twin. How many times was it slow, how many times was it in a split moment, how many times were they together when it happened, how many times did Wendy die completely alone. It's just like god damn no wonder Wendy talks Like That not only did Abby die but poor kid has been forced to become accustomed with death in a much more direct way than even adults are built to handle
#rat rambles#dst#and like if I may read more into these characters than was probably intended#I feel like a lot of abby's in game behavior just clicks once you look at her from a oh this kid has watched her sibling die a Lot#like no wonder shes so protective#also love how abby's constant wandering and twirling also adds up like yeah shes a bored kid with too much energy#but yeah I think ppl tend to not realize just how big a part being stuck in the constant is in regards to hashtag wendy depression moments#although its reasonable since not everyone has read all of this brats dialogue like me <3#dont read all of wendy's dialogue you will feel your brain melting like 5 minutes in#but yeah wendy brings up the whole being stuck in the constant thing a Lot#and wendy is under no illusion that death is an escape in fact he brings up the fact that its not quite a bit too#oh and I think ppl get the flavor of wendy's suicidal thoughts wrong most of the time#hes currently much more in the go to sleep and not wake up flavor than the I want to be with my lost loved one flavor#its less abt wanting to die and more abt wanting to stop being able to be in pain#luckily thing have technically gotten better for the both of them#like ofc theyre still fucked up and traumatized and still Being traumatized but at least theyre not alone#theres some sense of normalcy. wendy has friends now and in theory so does abby.#they can afford to just be kids again. not always unfortunately but much more than before#shit still sucks but at least they have the other survivors now
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*swinging*
You guys want to... know something that's been helping me mentally?
I've been. With everything going on. I'm telling myself that I'm going to live to 50 out of spite.
I don't know that, and it's hard, but if people can live to 103, it's plausible that I can make it at least half way to 100, right? I can move the goalpost later, but I can make it to 50, that's in 28-ish years, give or take a few months.
I'm going to do it. I'm going to live to 50 and I'm going to share my experiences as I do. I'm going to, one day, be sitting and listening to someone that I see as a 20 year old kid, because they're so fresh to the adult world and so lost, and I'm going to give them little nuggets of advice as to how I figured, or didn't figure, things out.
I'm going to give them little history lessons. I'm going to help them through their work week.
Maybe I'll live to 83, but that's a big number I'm not ready for yet, a good number, but I think I'm going to live to 50, and that will help me reach 30 just fine.
I want you guys to still be there when I make it, too. I believe in you guys. I know it may seem like a lot, but we've got this.
#live out of spite#i dunno#i just feel like i can do it#because 30 more years seems reasonable#it may be lower for some#it may be higher for others#but as you talk to more people older than you#if you really get to know them#you start realizing how they were kids once just like you are#i work at a recreation center that serves lunch to able bodied seniors that can get out of their houses#and i've met good and bad people in the 50-99 age group and i hear their life story thus far and i just think that i can make it#if they could#i can
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So. Storytime for guerilla gardeners and solarpunk enthusiasts. This story comes to me 3rd hand but I believe the basic shape of it is true, even if details may be off.
So there’s this guy who lives in my parents’ town. Wanted to have a pocket farm but lives on an urban lot in a small city instead because y’know jobs and stuff. He could definitely get a few raised beds in the backyard but nothing all that impressive and the front yard is on a very busy road with the expectation that it’ll look reasonably traditional (plus planting food by busy roads isn’t always a good idea).
However
After he’s lived there for a while, he realizes his neighbors are all older people who maybe have more challenges taking care of their yards than they used to. So he goes to his next door neighbor and offers a deal: I’ll mow and maintain your front yard for free if you let me knock down the fences between our backyards and plant them both with food. And you’ll get a cut of the produce.
Presumably the neighbor already knew and trusted this guy because he said yes. So he starts mowing and maintaining his and his neighbor’s front yards and planting food in their now-shared backyards. After a season or two this goes well enough that the next neighbor down the street asks if he can be in on this too.
So now there’s 3 front yards to mow and three backyards full of produce. And it keeps going from there. Dude gets a rider lawnmower and does everyone’s front yards, and meanwhile he’s maintaining an entire block’s worth of produce in the back. His yields got so high that he was able to start offering boxes of produce outside of the block’s residents too. This is how I heard of him: my parents’ next door neighbors were picking up a regular box of produce from him.
I love a couple of things about this story:
Offering to maintain people’s front yards for them allows baby boomers to feed their thirst for keeping up appearances while still getting food production into the neighborhood
As homeowners age offering services like this is legitimately good community building
BLOCK-LONG POCKET FARM
These exact circumstances might not be replicable everywhere, but I love thinking about how these principles could be applied.
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