#for me one year earlier or one year later would mean a WORLD of difference

[4mrplumi]

02. spiderwocky ── secrets you'd keep

platonic | spiderverse x spiderman!reader x batfamily | ms. list

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤdisclaimers on masterlist!

index. prologue , chapter one , chapter two , chapter three ... to be continued. based on this

two days, you hum, two days, you tap your foot impatiently on the floor, two days, the sp//dr bracelet on your wrist feels tight, two days till you go back to school. summer break has always been a buffer in between the year, taking you away from somewhere where you’re comfortable, to someplace that’s just plain awkward. a reminder that you can’t run, spiderman, can’t run.

the suit’s come along beautifully. you don’t have much opportunity or time to really test it out, since gotham’s crackly, ancient buildings would probably crumble under the weight of metal, but it looks nice. 

the suit, yeah. it’s taken up most of your time this break. you’ve not had much time to creep up to your brothers and turn away when they don’t hear you. gotham’s always lonely, but with sp//dr this time, you fit in your skin a bit better. even while it itches and shudders under the pressure of wanting to leap around again.

in preparation, you’ve quarrelled your way into getting permission to use gotham prep’s chemistry lab after school hours, lightly nagging bruce into signing a form for you, one he didn’t really even glance at. you’re trying to figure out how to make stronger web fluid, storing all of sp//dr’s feedback in the back of your head. the past few days, you’ve been leaving the manor at five, telling alfred you’ll be back by six, and sneaking back to the manor at nine, since he doesn’t check. storing the fluid is another thing, figuring out different capsules… ejection systems… it’s boring work.

the bell outside rings, notifying the end of school hours for people who stay back for extra classes. you’ve been meaning to get home earlier today, working up the courage to ask tim or barbara to “help with a school project” and get their notes on your totally hypothetical material that’s 2.62 (+1.00 since you’re experimenting)  times stronger than steel. you’re shoving books you borrowed from the library to disguise yourself as an overeager student while you leave the lab, so focused on what you’re going to say later, you don’t notice bumping into someone head-on.

the guy’s at least two times larger than you, but he stumbles harder than you, reminding you you’re supposed to stumble too. you feign a fall, getting up with a huff- you’re about to apologise when you see the guy’s face twist- angry. you stiffen. spiderman confronts conflict with fight, (name) only knows how to run.

“what the hell?-” he takes a step forward, eyebrows pinched so low his face looks disfigured, hazy-eyed too, “look where you’re going bitch!”. you cringe a little, “… i’m sorry?” he fumes even more, this guy’s got some serious issues up there. his coarse hands come up to shove you, but you don’t fall back, before remembering that you probably should. forcefully, your head hits the side of the door, and you hiss in irritation.

you haul yourself aside, and he trips on his feet, falling with a frustrated yelp. it’s best you leave, (name)’s great at running away. the corridor isn't very long, holding onto the straps of your bag, sp//dr hums on your wrist as you hurry down the stairs. “gotham is so unique,” she notes, “odd folk everywhere.” you squint, “doesn’t make gotham very unique if odd people are everywhere though, does it?”

“don’t tell me what to do- all you washed up... washed up nerds think you’re so bloody better than the rest of us-” what the hell is this guy talking about? is he drunk? doesn’t seem outta place for a teenager to be drunk in gotham. and nerd? he should aim lower, hit harder, think brighter- you interrupt him, and your flurry of thoyghts, scuttling over your sentence- “i- uh, i don’t go here.”

the world slows down, and you see his fist come up, aimed at your face. sp//dr tuts; unappreciative, like an aged aunty.

if she could smile, maybe she would’ve, you hear it in her voice. “perhaps, i wouldn’t say we’re not too odd either.” the hurt on your head starts to ebb out, your healing factor’s been developing slowly.

two pairs of masked eyes narrow outside a small window, peering in at you in the stairwell, in a sync that could be described as unnatural. odd. you miss them when you duck your head, and they scatter by the time you’re up again.

“i don’t want to alarm you,” sp//dr says, through what would’ve been gritted teeth… if she wasn’t, you know, toothless, “but those two fellows over there, have been following us for a while.” you know they have, glancing shortly at them, and you think they know you know too.

the ride to the train station was quiet, you spent most of it looking outside, willing yourself to blink manually. alfred dropped you, since despite your low involvement with the wayne family, bruce was still paranoid of any potential harm. 

hey, you think a little brightly, at least he bothered. 

break’s over, thank goodness, and your suit’s been sent back to gotham entirely disassembled, disguising itself as a robotics project (at least, that’s what you told alfred when you went out to mail it back to queens). you’d set your head against the window, and your head vibrated, rapping against the glass. 

…

alfred drove off after a few pleasantries, a gentle “safe travels”, and a nod in your direction. you might miss him, keyword: might, and check the time and the car drives off. eleven forty-three, you have half an hour before the train comes by. 

sp//dr notices your silence, and hums against your wrist, made into a bracelet. “get something to eat, (name);” she’d said, “missed breakfast in your rush.” you’d made a noise of acknowledgement, rattling your suitcase so that the wheels get unstuck from the crevices in the pebbled-stone. 

a sandwich maybe? you’re not hungry actually, haven’t had much time to do anything that would really make you hungry. the place’s littered with people, people, and more people. it’s only a few minutes into looking around that your senses start to bubble, and a familiar instinct of anxiety buzzes. 

two men, one dressed like a cowboy and the other in flashy cloth, fairly normal but… you look around, a little out of place. no one else seems to notice them there, and you’re a little unsettled, turning your back to them and sprinting to a small stall, paying quickly for a sandwich you don’t actually have time to eat. 

“hey kid,” a voice speaks out, heavy on the accent, a hand on your shoulder. you whip around, “was hoping to catch a word.” it’s the cowboy, and you’ve gone stiff, stammering nervously. “um…

do.. do i know you?” the man smiles, but your sense isn’t going off… okay, (name), you inhale, just relax, listen, and get the hell out. you literally have a train to catch!

“you wouldn’t, but you should,” you tilt your head. the man sticks out a hand “patrick o’hara, and this is…” he gestures at the other man, “my, err, colleague, cooper coen.”

you tap your foot against the floor, “um. and?” the other guy; cooper, smiles, probably finding your bluntness funny. “we’ll cut to the chase, (name)”, he knows your name. they know your name, why do they know your name? “we know you’re spiderman.”

your ears start to buzz, sp//dr feels tight on your wrist.

patrick scratches his goatee, following up awkwardly, “errr… well, this world’s spiderman, he means.” you hope you’re not too rude, in the way you’re staring, and the hissed string of swears that follow.

“multiple spidermans and multiple worlds…” you inhale slowly, taking a sip from the soda cooper bought for the three of you, “how does that work?”

the three of you sit on a rickety bench, twenty minutes before your train’s here. “now can’t go into the specifics, kid” patrick grumbles, “all some technic gibberish that’d be better off from the horse's mouth.” you try not to sound dumb, “... your horse?” 

he barks out a laugh, startling sp//dr, who’s revealed her spindly form and sits on your lap behind your soda glass. “no, no, from the boss, yeah? you’ll meet him when we get there.”

cooper looks at you pointedly, “and we will get there. there’ll be arrangements made for your school and…” he hesitates, you squint, he squints, patrick coughs, “your family? anyway, we’ve given you the basics- you got them, right? just don’t go around- you know, freaking out.” 

patrick hums, the sound like a low tractor engine, “yeah, we’ve got another nutcase to-be-fixed, work’s tough all around.”

“i’m not a nutcase,” they hear you grumble under your breath, “i won’t freak out.” patrick claps a hand on your shoulder, his soda untouched, “never said so, kid.”

there’s a click of electricity, and the two of them look down at orange watches clasped on their wrists in sync. cooper said something about it being ��communication tech” but you didn’t get to ask as many questions as you’d like. it’s difficult for you to infer the hologram that shoots up from it (and sp//dr’s too obviously intrigued), but they stand up with overlapping mutters.

“well,” cooper motions his head towards a slightly more secluded, hidden area, “you coming, kid?”

you hesitate. “how do i know this isn’t some kind of trick? doesn’t sound very real.” patrick o’hara pulls a piece of red cloth over his face, two white parallelograms for eyes on it; looks a little like the visors on your suit. “don’t really have a reason to be tricking the newbie-spider do we, cooper?”

“we don’t,” the other drawls, turning away from the two of you, “besides it’ll be good for you too.” 

“good how?”

patrick looks a little uncomfortable, cooper’s face is turned away. 

“don’t stress over it, you’ll see soon enough.”

sp//dr tuts, expanding over into a bracelet on your wrist. she wants to say something, and you want to hear. but these… two, are making it hard. she won’t speak in front of them. you really wish she would.

dear mr. davis,

as a new academic year for midtown school of science and technology approaches, we write to you in regards of a student in your junior year, (name) parker-wayne, who will unfortunately be unable to attend for the academic first term. 

due to their volunteering in our special research and development programme this summer, we request you excuse their absence until ##-##-####. we here at the society understand that the projects at our establishment will take time from (name)’s academics and their education at your school, and would like to assure you that we have kept such formal anomalies in line. 

attached are signed documents, confirming parker-wayne’s acceptance into our course, permissions from their legal guardians and our project leader, and a form for your establishment to confirm parker-wayne’s excused leave.

regards,

margo kess,

department of physics and astrophysics,

the o'hara science and technology society.

“does (name) wayne have physics?”

“parker-wayne, mr. davis, and beats me.”

₊˚⊹ a/n : finally got #there.. now excuse my bs naming system ok and i'll fix the spacing on the sign off on my laptop tmr!! i have a solid motion on for this fic but lmk if there's anything you'd find interesting in this setting. thank you for all the support, i love this series, and i'll have a new update... soonish? my exams are coming up so probs not very soon 😥

taglist: @shycreatorreview @facelessgetolover @mileskisser @1abi @kenyummy @selvyyr @systemix @momentomoribitch @redsakura101 @k-anaru @stupouid @glowinthedarkjellyfish @blankface333 @sassycupcakecomputer @miyseilish @xzmickeyzx @bat1212 @icefox8155 @st4rg1rln @blankface333 @inkberri @k-anaru

[ficretus]

Best enemies

*Vacuo dorm room*

Jaune: Well that's that. Just announced my new rivalry to the world.

*Cinder crashes through his window*

Jaune: Come on Nora, you can't keep doing th... Cinder?!

Cinder: *shoves her scroll to Jaune's face* Would you explain what the hell is this Arc?

Jaune: *confused* Cat photo? Cute one I'll give you that, but...

Cinder: Not that. THIS, you moron!

Jaune: My Huntbook profile. Jaune Arc, 19 years old, in rivalry with Gillian Asturias. What part is confusing to you?

Cinder: What do you mean in rivalry with Gillian Asturias? Are you cheating on me?

Jaune: I'm cheating? You dumped me for Winter.

Cinder: Oh please, are you really that possessive? It was a small fight.

Jaune: You were using all kinds of cool moves with her. You never use them against me.

Cinder: Maybe you don't push me hard enough.

Jaune: So you don't even hide it. I'm not good enough for you.

Cinder: I didn't say that.

Jaune: Oh now you are just lying. You know what, go have your stupid rivalry with Winter. I don't need you, I have Gillian. We compliment each other so well with our Aura abilities.

Cinder: You don't even know each other!

Jaune: I don't even know you!

Cinder: What?

Jaune: I thought we had something back in Haven. But you don't even try anymore. Just grunts and petty insults.

Cinder: What do you want me to do? Narrate you my story?

Jaune: I want to know what makes you tick.

Cinder: That's personal.

Jaune: So is being my rival. Maybe I'll ask Gillian instead.

Cinder: You are acting like a kid.

Jaune: No, I'm the only one acting like an adult here.

Cinder: Fine. But if you tell a word to anyone I will make you regret ever being born.

*one traumatic backstory later*

Cinder: So that's that Arc, that's what makes me tick.

Jaune: *silent*

Cinder: Nothing to say?

Jaune: Why didn't you tell me this earlier?

Cinder: What?

Jaune: We are perfect for each other. We were both frustrated with our powerlessness, isolated, angry. You are dark reflection of what I could have became without support of my friends.

Cinder: *turns away* Don't flatter yourself.

Jaune: *chuckles*

Cinder: I thought you'd think less of me if I told you that. I thought you wanted me to be tough and domineering.

Jaune: I like that about you. But I also like you are human beneath that mask.

Cinder: So you don't think I'm lame?

Jaune: You are bit lame... but so am I. We compliment each other.

Cinder: You were right. We should have talked earlier.

Jaune: It's fine. If it fell apart because of one argument then it wasn't a strong rivalry to begin with.

Cinder: *shifts closer* Do you wanna take our rivalry bit further?

Jaune: You mean?

Cinder: Yes.

Jaune: I've never done it with anyone.

Cinder: Neither did I. I never got that personal with Winter.

Jaune: *takes off his shirt*

*outside of Jaune's room*

Nora: Are they doing it?

Ren: Yeah. Glad they patched things out.

Ruby: What's going on?

Ren: Jaune and Cinder are rivals again. Now they are biting each other.

Ruby: Excuse me?!

*Ruby bursts into the room*

Ruby: You are cheating on me with Jaune?!

Cinder: Oh please, you barely even care about our rivalry.

Ruby: Maybe because you are afraid of commitment.

Jaune: Ruby you are making things awkward.

Ruby: Oh shut up homewrecker.

Ren: Sigh... rivalries.

Nora: They are overcomplicating things. Rivalries are about dumb fun and one fight stands.

Ren: Some people see it differently Nora. *pulls out a photo* I've never moved on after my rivalry with Nucklavee.

Nora: Meh, I'm joining in. Cinder! I wanna fight you as well!

[inspired-lesson-plans]

This is a very long post. If you do not have the time, then please at least do the quick activity up top. The lesson plan that took me 4 days to write will follow the ⁜ symbol.

HW Due Mon:

Open https://mysolartime.com/ in a new tab and allow the website to track your location.

Open https://www.utctime.net/ in a new tab.

Reblog this post the current UTC time and your local time, using the following format:

21:00 UTC, 4:00 local

4. Vote in the following poll.

⁜

Social Studies, Grade 5, Geography 6.1.5.GeoSV.3: Demonstrate how to use digital geographic tools, maps and globes to measure distances and determine time zones, and locations using latitude and longitude.

Do Now:

Provide students with a paper copy of a population density world map and 2 minutes to fulfill the following instruction:

Draw lines on the map in order to separate the world into 24 time zones. Try not to separate dense population centers into different time zones.

⁎

Class Discussion:

Use the projector to share and discuss the maps of any students who are willing to share. Have fun with this, there are bound to be some good ideas and bad ideas because 5th grade is like that.

Then, project the official world time zone map, and discuss the good ideas and bad ideas present here.

Exemplary discussion points:

The 0-point of the timezone map is the Prime Meridian, which cuts right through England. Why do you think it's in England?

How come some countries like the US and Brazil are cut into multiple time zones, but China isn't?

Why do you think the lines are pretty straight in Europe, Africa, and North and South America, but so confused in Asia and the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans?

⁑

Direct Instruction:

Long ago, nobody really cared about the exact time. All you really needed was sunrise, sunset, and noon, and you could figure those out with your eyes. If you wanted to be fancy, you could put a stick in the ground and trace its shadow over the course of the day to measure out hours.

Perhaps the first recorded complaint of time-keeping technology comes from Rome in 250BCE.

The gods confound the man who first found out how to distinguish hours! Confound him too Who in this place set up a sundial To cut and hack my days so wretchedly Into small portions! When I was a boy, My belly was my sundial: one more sure, Truer, and more exact than any of them. This dial told me when it was time To go to dinner, when I had anything to eat; But nowadays, why even when I have, I can't fall-to unless the sun gives leave. The town's so full of these confounded dials, The greatest part of its inhabitants, Shrunk up with hunger, creep along the streets. [x]

In other words, "Kids these days are always looking at their sundials. Back in my day, there were only three times, Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. All we needed to tell the time was our stomach!"

Please note this was a satire, so if it sounds funny, you are correct.

But for 18th century British sailors, accurate timekeeping was no laughing matter. These sailors used fancy math (called trigonometry) to calculate their latitude. So long as they knew the angle between the sun and the horizon, and the time when that angle was measured.

Ship's captains would keep logbooks of these measurements. That way, another ship's captain would be able to reference the logbook in order to replicate the journey, much like replicating a science experiment.

Now... think about this... how can you do that unless the next captain is using the same time as you. We take this for granted today, but how can you be sure that two clocks are synchronized?

Scientists in the town of Greenwich, England (pronounced gren`-ich) recorded the solar noon every day of the year and calculated the Greenwich Mean Time. By keeping an accurate and exact time in one exact place, GMT eventually the Coordinated Universal Time (UTC) for everyone in the world. That's why in the time zone map, the 0 runs through one specific part of England.

This is important. For the first time in human history, the clocks in different places were synchronized. Solar noon happens at a different time in London than it does in Greenwich, but if they both use GMT (otherwise known as UTC), then they can coordinate their schedules. This was very important for railroads, where exact, coordinated schedules are very important.

Soon, the entire country of England existed within a single time zone.

When the United States built railroads that spanned vast lateral (East-West) distances, they needed to create different time zones for cities that were far apart from each other, such as New York and Chicago. Thus, the US became the first country with multiple time zones.

As the rest of the world industrialized, they needed to pick their time zones. You can see this on the map. Each time zone is, at least in theory, as wide as 1/24 the circumference of the Earth. It's like the space between the numbers on a clock! Most countries are smaller than this, so they can comfortably fit within a single timezone. Others, like Brazil and Australia, divided their landmasses into two or three time zones.

China did not have widespread industrialization until post-WWII dictatorial communist rule. This was a very uncaring and inconsiderate government, to put it mildly. Suffice it to say that for Chinese farmers in the far west, having to get up 2-3 hours earlier every day would have been the least of their worries.

⁂

Modeled Activity:

Show students how to use this Day and Night world map as a way to visualize the day and night cycle across the world.

Additionally, show them how to use https://mysolartime.com/ to find their current time where they live.

Give students a moment to calculate the difference between their Local Time and the official time in their time zone, and what that means.

(I am currently in Philadelphia, which is 11 minutes East of New York City)

Finally, show students how to use https://www.utctime.net/ to find their exact, current UTC.

Have students calculate the difference in minutes and hours between Local Time and Official Time.

00:41 - 19:30 = -5:11 (Philadelphia is 5 hours and 11 minutes East of Greenwich, England)

Explain that every internet connected device in the world uses a service like this one, then adds or subtracts hours to fit the time zone of your current location.

Higher Order Learning:

Students work in small groups to look up the local time in different major cities around the world, recording their data on a worksheet. As they do, they should discuss the following questions:

Are time zones still relevant in our always-online society?

If you can know your Local Time and the UTC any time you look at your phone, then what purpose do time zones still serve?

How would it feel for schools and businesses to use UTC instead?

How would you feel if your school day went from 4:20-10:50 UTC?

Finally, each student must individually write at least 3 sentences responding to the following question:

Would you advocate for or against your school district dropping references to the time in your time zone and instead referring to UTC and Local Time? Why or why not?

[hostilemuppet]

Christina "Bliss" Utonium

(Nickname given by Bubbles, who is her favourite sister (don't tell anyone!))

Once a normal and perfect little girl, the daughter of Professor Utonium (whether adopted or from a previous relationship is up to audience interpretation) was accidentally exposed to various chemicals of the alphabet variety and, after being infused with Chemical W, mutated into what would later be known as the very first Powerpuff Girl. After living the first five years of her life with no powers and suddenly capable of more than she could have possibly imagined, she was unstable, but more than that she was scared. Scared of destroying everything she touched, scared of getting hurt, scared of hurting her dad. So after blowing yet another hole in the house, she fled to somewhere she could be alone and could gain control of her powers without hurting anyone she cared about.

since theyre made of different chemicals, she doesnt have the exact same powers as the other three girls. bliss cant fly, but she can teleport. she doesnt have laser eyes, but her... explosive personality more than makes up for it. she may not be the strongest or the fastest, but her telekenesis means she can hold her own just fine. she is not the ultimate powerpuff who makes the others look weak in comparison, she is just another member of the team - she has not been sent off to space - who is capable but not invincible

or, she would be. after being alone on a deserted island (Him was not communicating with her through Mih, but she did talk to herself. a lot.) for a decade, shed really prefer to focus on the luxuries of civilian life. and who can blame her? if i was eating nothing but fish and coconut for 10 years, id want a good burger or ice cream too. and shes missed out on sooooooo many movies... hey, have you girls heard of tiktok? bliss would never shy away from a fight, but shes not exactly seeking it out. shes too busy trying to adjust back into society, for better or for worse. and trust me, romance is the LAST thing on her mind right now

for the most part, the powerpuff girls remain a terrific trio, with bliss aiding them now and then, the same as in the show how she pops back to earth every so often for the plot. except she is still on earth and lives at the utonium residence, because after being separated from her family for 10 years, why would she give that up again? this is the best of both worlds; she gets to be around her family instead of being put on a bus, and shes not forced into the main group permanently

in terms of design, she was inspired by the Perfect Little Girl from the original whoopass shorts; she was the first after all! this is mostly shown in her colour scheme but an earlier draft had a similar hairstyle for her island look. since she was at one point a normal human, unlike the other ppg she has five fingers, a nose, and she lacks the iconic ppg eye design, along with all the other traits i use to separate the x-creations from regular humans. what makes bliss special is how normal she seems (if you ignore the teleporting and the levitating of course). design process:

[otp-after-dark]

“I love you. I know you love me too.” —Nick Blaine, 6x06

This is the Nick Blaine episode we’ve been waiting for. He’s done hiding, done waiting, done assuming he doesn’t deserve her. After everything that happened in 6x03 — the hug, the heartbreak, the “see you later” — something in him shifts. Now, in 6x06, he finally believes it: She loves him too. And this time, he’s not walking away. He’s asking her to come with him *to Paris*?!

We open on another favor. Another call. Another quiet ask. But this time, Nick doesn’t answer with silence.

“I need to talk to you.”

And from that moment, it’s clear — Nick has made up his mind. Since the last time they spoke, since "see you later", he’s been playing it all over again in his head. And he’s ready.

He’s ready to burn it down. To choose love. To choose her. To stop being afraid.

He goes to her. And he’s already unraveling.

He’s fraying from every angle — Wharton, the Eyes, the Guardians, the memories. But mostly? The weight of finally wanting more.

He asks her to spend the night with him. Takes her hand. And then, the truth spills out of him — tender and raw:

“Sometimes I think you’re the only good thing in my life.”

He hugs her like he can’t breathe without her. Because he can’t.

And then, the flashbacks.

This isn’t just memory. It’s longing. It’s grief. It’s hope clinging to the edges of everything they never got to have.

Season 1. The first time. When everything was still soft. When the world was already burning, but somehow they were still untouched.

June in the light. Nick’s hands careful, reverent. A moment stolen in the wreckage — not for survival, but for love.

And now, years later, Nick closes his eyes. Because he’s there. Not in the moment physically, but spiritually, emotionally — in every cell of his body.

He’s back in that room. With her.

And then — Paris.

“I wish I could take you to Paris.”

That’s not a joke. It’s not a line.

It’s a life. A version of them that was never allowed to exist — walking through gardens, drinking wine, raising their daughter under a different sky.

A Nick who could hold her hand on a sidewalk without dying for it. A June who could breathe freely without looking over her shoulder.

And you can see it on his face — how much he’s imagined it. How much it means to him. It’s not fantasy — it’s what he’s been holding on to to survive.

And then she says it.

“You’d be you. Good. Kind. Brave. And very, very handsome.”

She says it like it’s obvious. Like it’s always been true. Like it doesn’t need to be earned — just seen.

And for Nick —that’s everything.

Because all this time, he’s believed he wasn’t enough. Too tainted. Too compromised. Too dangerous. Too Gilead.

He says it himself earlier:

“I wasn’t anyone. You wouldn’t have noticed me.”

And June just… stops that thought. Dead in its tracks.

“You’d be you.”

What she’s really saying is: I see you. I always have. I love the man you were, and the one you became. Not because of Gilead — despite it.

And this? This is the moment Nick finally believes it.

That she loved him then. That she loves him now.

It’s why he kisses her like he’s starved. It’s why he says “I love you. I know you love me too” not with doubt, but finally with certainty.

Because in those flashbacks, he’s not just remembering. He’s reclaiming something. He’s saying: That was real. It was always real. And it still is.

Meanwhile — the Serena chat.

It’s not all truth. But it’s telling.

June admits she wondered if Nick would come with her to Alaska. That she assumed he wouldn’t. Because of Rose. Because of what he said in Season 5.

But that assumption is already unraveling.

Because she knows now: Luke is not the one. She doesn’t mention him. Not once. Because this isn’t about Luke. It never really was.

Jezebel’s. The fallout.

He does what she asked. But nothing in Gilead comes without a price. He thinks he got away clean — but Wharton is waiting. Pressing him. Watching him.

“These lies are going to end you on the wall.”

Nick isn’t just risking his life. He’s risking hers, too. If he doesn’t play it right, they’re both gone.

And so — he gives Wharton just enough. Not betrayal. Survival. The cost of trying to love in a world that kills love on sight.

And then. The moment.

Nick storms in. Not quiet, not composed, not careful. He doesn’t knock. He doesn’t wait. He needs her.

All fire. All heart. All clarity.

“I love you. I know you love me too.”

It’s truth. It’s everything he’s been holding back finally ripping through.

Because Nick Blaine — the man who’s always held back, who’s kept his love quiet and his distance loud, who’s lived in fragments and shadows — is done waiting.

He knows. Not thinks. Not hopes. Knows.

Because she didn’t say goodbye in 6x03. Because she still comes to him.

This isn’t an affair. It’s not a secret. It’s a life. The life they were never allowed to have.

And for the first time, Nick asks for it. With his hands. With his eyes. With everything.

The kiss is a free fall. Desperate. Messy. Alive.

Nick murmurs “mhmm” into her mouth like he’s trying to memorize the shape of her. Like he’s finally breathing after years underwater. Like if he lets go now, he won’t survive it.

He kisses her like this is it. Because it is.

And then — June asks about Rose. Not Luke. Never Luke.

Because they both know Luke isn’t in this room. He hasn’t been in this story for a long time.

“You’re it. It’s always been you.”

It's always been June. That’s not a line. That’s his soul. That’s every moment he stood in the shadows. Every time he stepped back so she could move forward. Every time he let her go because he thought it was the right thing — even when it broke him.

But now? He’s not letting her go again. Not without telling her what’s real.

He’s not asking for a maybe. He’s not asking for another in-between.

He’s asking for forever.

And June?

She leans in. She chooses him.

She kisses him back — not tentative, not confused — but sure.

And in that kiss? She says yes.

Yes to them. Yes to the life they dreamed of in Paris. Yes to the man who never stopped choosing her. Yes to being his, again — finally.

Nick smiles. Really smiles.

That soft, boyish, wrecked smile we haven’t seen since season one. Like the weight of years has finally lifted.

“You’re crazy,” she says, breathless. He says, "I know."

Because they are. They both are.

But that’s what makes it real. What makes it theirs.

Because this love? It was never safe. Never clean. But it’s true. And in this moment, they both believe it might be enough.

Even just for one night. Even just for now.

Final Reflection:

Nick and June’s love was never built for a clean world. It was born in fire. Forged in survival. Built on stolen moments and desperate choices.

And 6x06? It isn’t the end. It’s the first time they both admit what’s been true all along — out loud, with no hiding, no half-measures.

“I love you. I know you love me too.” “You’re it. It’s always been you.”

They both choose it. They both want it.

That matters. That changes everything.

What happens after — the "betrayal," the chaos that follows — it’s not about Nick giving up on her. It’s not about June walking away from him.

It’s about the brutal reality of the world they’re still trapped inside. The forces bigger than them. The enemies closing in. The ways survival demands sacrifices that love alone can’t always fix — yet.

But the difference now? They’re not pretending anymore. Not to each other. Not to themselves.

They know where they stand. They know who they would choose if the world let them.

And someday —they will choose each other for real.

Because Nick isn't just some tragic side love. June isn't just some unreachable dream.

They are each other’s home.

Always have been. Still are. Always will be.

Love like this doesn’t die. It just waits. And one day, it will finally have room to breathe.

[dessertpanda]

A Happy Family

Warning: Death, graphic, spoiler, sad ( part of my OC) Mention of Sex as well, language, slight yander, children, mention of suisisde... Just really sad

Master List

Ace x Thick Fem reader…

Y/N sat on the edge of the boat slowly drifting in and out of reality…

"Ace I love you," Y/N giggled happily, holding her boyfriend's hand tightly as they walked around the dark deck of the Mobey dick.

" Y/N, I love you too but Pops would kill me if he knew we were dating," Ace said looking down. [ Y/N Newgate Blood daughter of Edward Newgate - Whitebeard, Y/N has a devil fruit inspired by Xibalba and La Mureta. She uses dead bodies as Puppets… often as La Mureta to show her appreciation for them allowing her strength… Xibalba.. was a far darker force. She also might be one of the physically strongest on the ship, she is 19 years old and is a little thicker than most girls both in muscle and chub. She loves to fight and eat]

" When are you going to tell him," she whined turning towards Ace, pinning him to the railing. With a soft gasp, her sudden boldness caught him by surprise.

" L-later, I promise," he said blushing from the closeness as he slowly leaned into the girl, glancing at her lips before successfully capturing them. Lost in their own little world, they failed to notice the blue phoenix that flew through the air on watch.

Marco POV " and then they kissed," Marco said as the other commanders looked at him, following along with his heavily detailed story about what he had just witnessed the night before. Sitting around the table enjoying their breakfast

" No way, Pops is gonna kill him," Thatch said laughing.

" No kidding," Izo said also joining in.

" Do you think they did it?" Vista asked with a big smile.

" Did what?" Jozu asked taking a bite of bread.

" You mean the Nasty?!!" Marco gasped at the idea. Not particularly fawn at thinking about his adopted brother and sister in such a light. 'surly Ace was not that stupid'

" I did see Y/N walking funny earlier," Izo said with a wide smile. The others cackled at his implication.

"Let's go see," Thatch said standing up and walking towards Y/N's room.

" I don't know," Marco said hesitantly. What if they were doing it? What if Pops found out they were peaking on his daughter?

" Ace stop" A small whine was heard through the door, followed by the softest moan.

"Aww come on you know you love it" Ace's voice was deep and Husky. You could practically hear the sex off it.

" ARE THEY ACTUALLY" Izo whispered\yelled. Marco and Vista quickly smacked him upside the head to shut him up.

" Ace's noooo your hands are c-cold" They could hear the springs of the mattress shifting. "ah Ace yes~"

" That's it I'm leaving," Marco whispered as he started to walk away with the other commander not far behind him.

(Normal)

Ace ran his hands up Y/N's bare legs towards her stomach and to her chest. "See? I warmed them up for you, " he chuckled mischievously, lowering his head to lay gentle kisses up her bare neck. "Mmm. Princess," He gently inhaled, taking in her soft smell. As he shifted, pulling her closer again… both jumped at the booming voice of Whitebeard.

" Y/N Sweetie, come and have a drink with me"

" Shit" Ace whispered as he quickly moved to dress the two. Reaching for his shorts, throwing her shirt and jeans at her, to top it off he gently set his hat upon her lamp with her headband tied around it.

" Ah Ace, you're in here too perfect," WhiteBeard said as he opened the door, smiling at the sight of the two people he had been hunting for in the same spot.

" Papa! Sorry, Ace was asking about a battle formation," Y/N said pulling a paper with multiple drawings of stick figures all over it. " See," she said handing him the paper. Now each of them sat on different sides of the bed, acting as if it was a table. The large man smirked and glanced between the two.

" GAHHAHA" He laughed. Holding up the paper with a proud look on his face " This is why you are our stagiest," He said as he ducked under the door and strolled out " COME OUT WHEN YOU'RE DONE," Ace was flabbergasted as to where exactly she had pulled that out of…

" Where the hell did you pull that out of!?" Ace asked slowly getting up off the bed, gently picking up his hat, and handing the headband to her.

" I'm always prepared," Sticking her tongue out before running out of the room in her black jeans, sleeveless turtle-neck, and her signature headband securely tied around her head. Ace could only chuckle, watching as she dashed out leaving him to gather himself complete. He sat for a moment, staring at the floor… contemplating when the best time to confess to pops about what he's been doing.

" So Acey Boys fucking the princess?" Ace's head shot up only to meet with the eyes of a phoenix. His eyes widened ever so slightly, realizing he was so lost in thought he failed to hear the footsteps of Marco.

" Marco, w-what do you mean"

" We heard last night, all of it" This time it was Izo. Ace shifted his gaze to the new man.

"I-I"

" Remember boy you're just a guard and she'll be the queen," Vista said leaning against the door.

" I don't know what-" Ace started to protest but was cut off.

" Ace, Remember Not all stories end happily," Thatch said putting a hand on his shoulder.

" W-what are you talking about" Fed up with their constant interruptions, he clenched his fist, trying to understand why they were there.

" POPS IS GONNA KILL YOU" They all busted out laughing. Ace took a gulp of air and began to sweat. Realizing exactly why… he had been figured out… and he was so fucked…

Time Skip- 2 months

As the months moved, Y/n had been noticing soft changes in her body. She had gained weight, not nearly as much energy… and a strange sensation. So… she found Ace… and Marco… and an hour later… she found a positive pregnancy test.

(3 months later)

"Y/N my dear, why aren't you drinking?" Her father asked handing her a mug. She had been able to hide the facts so easily, having just come off a long mission not too long ago… but her bump was quite prominent, and coming up with excuses to not drink… was becoming harder.

" Sorry, Papa I'm not in the mood," she said gently setting her hand on her stomach. Subconsciously rubbing it in gentle circles to comfort herself. Now Newgate was a smart man so he knew something was off. He's had a feeling for a while now.

"Y/N, is there something you're not telling me? You love to drink" He asked looking down at the girl who was wearing a much baggier sweater than usual and hunched slightly over her midsection.

" Yes papa," she whispered. Growing tired of hiding… especially from her father.

" Would you like to talk about it?" He asked as he picked her up and set her on the arm of his chair. Removing the mug he had handed her, setting it off to the side and out of the way.

" I-I'm pregnant" She whispered. Not having the complete confidence to tell him… still unsure of his reaction.

" W-what was that?" He asked, he had heard her the first time… but just to allow the news to completely settle in.

" I'm Pregnant," she said louder, eyes closed tightly, lifting her shirt to reveal the small bump that had begun to show. It was barely noticeable through her natural chub… but if you knew Y/n… you could tell. Oh, and he could certainly tell. Staring at her for a moment. Eyes wide and mouth slightly a jar.

" Y-Y/n, I'M gonna be a GRANDPA?" he questioned a bright smile overtaking his face. Throwing his head back and cackling in laughter, practically shaking the ship. Staring up at the sky for a moment before refocusing on her, now a much softer and loving smile present.

" Yes Papa," she said smiling up at her father. He was so excited, I mean… a baby on a pirate ship… talk about unheard of.

" W-Wait before I get ahead of myself, who's is it?" She stiffened slightly. Knowing Ace had yet to tell him…Her silence concerned him… fearful that the child's real father would be absent… " Princess please tell me it's not some random man?" she quickly shook her head, slightly offended by his assumption.

" NO! No of course not Papa, It's one of the commanders," she said covering her face. Knowing she had just redirected the responsibility onto Ace… as well as the others who knew of her pregnancy.

" COMMANDERS" his voice boomed throughout the whole ship. Catching the attention of all, even Thatch who was tucked away in the kitchen… with a gut feeling telling him to hide.

" Yes Pops," they asked as they were all suddenly lined up in front of him. Some are sweating, others smirking… Ace in particular was sweating… Now don't question it. He was so excited… to think… someone like him could have so much… be given a girlfriend… now a child. No matter what happened right now… he was going to take full responsibility for her… his gift… his baby.

" My sweet daughter here has just informed me that she is holding one of your offspring.. so which one is it?" They all looked at each other. Studying their reactions and movements… trying to catch the culprit before he came out himself.

" IT'S ACE'S" "IT'S MINE" Slightly taken back by the number of voices, the others looked at each other. The answer having been lost in the shouts. "MINE! IT'S MINE" Ace quickly spoke again, raising his hand high, a proud smile on his face. He was so happy to finally say that out loud… even though Pops offered him a death glare in return. "I… We've been dating for a year now…" He smiled softly, turning his down to the ground to avoid the stare.

" Is he the farther Y/N?" He asked looking back to his daughter.

" Yes Papa," she said smiling. Glad to know that Ace was so proud of them… their relationship

" GAHAAGAGAHAGAHA" Pops laughed. " THEN WE SHOULD CELEBRATE" he yelled. " Ace my boy," he said looking down at him and lifting his drink in a toasting matter " Take care of her, She has some dangerous blood running through her and that child as well," he said handing Ace a Drink. "hehe now adding you into the bunch," Ace only nodded softly, a silent promise that he had already made long ago.

"Right"

Time Skip to Alabasta. (about a year later… maybe more)

Ace POV " This is my brother Ace." Luffy was parading Ace around like a trophy. "He's so strong, but I can beat him," he said with a large smile. Slinging his arm over Ace's shoulder, dragging him closer.

"As if." Shoving his head down. " I would like to apologize for causing any trouble", Ace bowed and apologized for anything that his brother had done while adventuring.

" Are you two really related" Nami asked, glancing between the two, seeing the resemblance but not quite convinced.

" Yep, well kinda," Tired from the journey Ace really didn't feel like explaining the whole Sake tradition. "You see-" he was quickly interrupted by the swordsman, his voice carrying from the crow's nest of the small ship.

" HEADS UP THERE'S A BOAT COMING THIS WAY!" Running over to the side to see who it was, Ace smiled at the sight. There riding in the Striker was his beautiful wife carrying his tinny 1-year-old son.

" It's ok I know her," She carefully pulled up close to the Going Marry, waving softly at Ace and the others. Quickly jumping from the boat Ace swiftly moved to help her. " Hi babe and baby," He said kissing the tops of both their heads.

" Dada!" Sabo giggled making grabby hands. He was quite good at speaking… Pops claimed it was because he technically had a bit of giant in him, much like Y/n did. Saying something like they develop faster or something.

" Hello, little man!" Ace smiled, gently taking him from Y/N's arms. "here let me," Picking her up as well before jumping back onto his brother's ship.

" You know I can fly right?" She asked with a raised brow but wrapped her arms around his neck regardless.

" I know but I still love carrying you" Landing back on the ship, the others stared to crowd the small family. Luffy specifically was infatuated with the woman and the little boy.

" Ace, Who is she?" Luffy asked running up to her, lapping around her. A slightly confused look on her face.

" Hello, I'm Portgas D Y/n!" She said holding her hand out. Smiling softly, Ace's description matched the boy perfectly.

" ACE YOU HAVE A SISTER!?" Luffy yelled. Not quite understanding the situation, causing Y/n and the others to chuckle.

" No, No, Luffy this is my Wife," Ace slightly facepalmed, but chuckled nonetheless.

" So she's like my sister now?" He asked looking her up and down lingering in places his eyes shouldn't, subconsciously of course! He had never seen a woman… be thick… yet so pretty. Alvida was ugly…until she turned skinny… Nami was skinny… Vivi… but she had a charm to her… a soft charm. One that even had Zoro doing a double take.

" Yep! And keep your grimy eyes off," Ace growled softly, shoving the younger boy's head sideways, tearing his gaze from Y/n.

" So you must be Luffy?" Ace watched as Y/N walked toward him. " It's nice to finally meet you" Pulling him into a huge hug which he gladly returned. " It's nice to meet all of you" Letting go and bowing to the others, Y/n couldn't hide the smile that graced her lips.

" Hello!" they all said, bowing back.

" I thought WhiteBeard had no females on his crew?" Zoro questioned, skeptically looking her up and down. He recognized her from her wanted poster… but always believed it was a typo.

" Yep! But I'm an exception," With a proud smile she pointed to her chest "See I'm his blood daughter!" The others, taken slightly aback by the news… Ussop and Chopper shaking softly at the news.

" Glade they're on our side," Ussop said under his breath. Hugging Chopper who also sighed in relief.

" And who's this little guy?" Nami asked while bending down to the small boy's level, a gentle smile on her lips.

" Ah! Sabo say hello," Y/N said pushing him forward. He was shy… always had been, but he was still brave in a strange aspect.

" H-hii" He stuttered before quickly waddling behind Y/N's legs to hide.

" Is he yours?" Sanji asked, chuckling softly at the boy's actions.

" Yep all mine," Ace smiled… enjoying his family all together for the first time. I watched as Y/N picked Sabo up and walked towards Luffy.

" This is your Uncle," She shifted Sabo allowing him to look at Luffy directly.

" Uncle!" Sabo giggled, reaching for the rubber man… "Love… you!" He hesitated, making sure he had the right words.

" Sabo huh?" Luffy allowed a sad smile to form… looking closely you could see the small tears forming. "I love ya too kid…" He chuckled, removing his straw hat before gently placing it on the boy's head. A near silent promise… that no matter what… he would protect him.

Another time Skip to War of Best.

Ace's POV (Don't usually do character perspective…. but for this just seemed necessary)

"So you really have a kid?" Jinbe asked. Adjusting his chains to what seemed a more comfortable position.

" Yeah and a beautiful wife, and so much more" I couldn't help but tear up. Thinking about her… Sabo… the life we could've had… If only I could have controlled myself. Listened to them, Pops, Maroc… Y/n… every damn second I can hear her pleading voice 'Ace… please… I know… I know but We need you! I need you! SABO NEEDS YOU' She sobbed that night… not even able to look me in the eyes as I dropped her off on that Island. I couldn't help it, I couldn't put her in that kind of danger… not her… not him. But yet, here I was in prison and I was about to leave my Wife all alone with my son permanently… And the last thing I told her was 'You don't understand'… Talk about an idiot. " I'm just happy she's ok," I said tears now streaming down my face.

I sat there softly crying, Jinbe only offering comforting words and a figurative shoulder to cry on… but then I heard footsteps… Heavy footsteps… assertive ones. Looking up… there he stood…Grandpa.

" Ace, I tried to help you," He spoke taking a seat. Glancing up at me and scoffing at my tears " M-man up and quit your crying," He said. The softest break in his voice caused him to stutter.

" Shut up old man, I-I" I couldn't finish my sentence, I took a breath, figuring it was useless to argue… settling on putting in my last request now. "Hey old man," I said softly, meeting his bloodshot eyes.

" What Brat?"

"There's a beautiful Woman out there who's most likely going to show up at some point please keep her safe," I said looking at him with pleading eyes. Watching as he sighed, moving his hand to rub his eyes.

" Is she a pirate?"

" Yes, but she's the mother to my child," God that hurt to say… to talk as if I'd never see her again. I couldn't stop them so I simply let the tears slide down my face. I wasn't scared to die no not at all… in fact ever since I was little… I believed I deserved it but… now I was scared to leave her and scared of what would happen to her. Then there's my son… god the minute they find him he would be killed… Slaughted on the spot for merely existing. " Old Man, My Son," I said laughing softly… practically begging at this point. " Please don't let them take him, or get near him" I took a soft breath " She will give her life for him but I'm afraid they will do anything for him, sigh with my blood and hers," He simply looked at me…

" Who's blood does she carry?" He asked as he started to stand, turning his back to me… looking at the exit.

" WhiteBeard's Himself," I said letting out a chuckle.

" Boy, you are asking a lot…" I could hear his lip quivering… and a soft sigh leaving his lips… "Why… Why did you have to go and get caught," A soft drip sounded as his tears landed on the floor. "DAMIT BOY WHY" He screamed… punching the floor and causing it to crack… "I will… I promise boy," He spoke, moving one foot in front of the other… walking towards the exit. "I… I promise… I won't let this government take anything else from you…Your life is more than enough,"

"Thank you," I smiled softly at his words… knowing at the very least… they would be fine. "For everything old man," I bowed as he disappeared from sight.

Time Skip Right before Ace's death

Y/N POV

I ducked, covering Luffy as we ran through the insanity of the war. I felt the earth shake… and watched with horror as the large cannon began to separate me from my dad.

" POPS" Marco and Vista yelled, stopping in their tracks to watch the man before them.

" WHY? PLEASE NO!" I was screaming as he separated us, forcing us to leave him " PAPA PLEASE… DON'T LEAVE US… DON'T LEAVE ME!" God, there was so much going on… we had Ace… we won… why couldn't we just leave… why couldn't I just have my happy ending…

"POPS NO!" Ace stood beside me trying to hold me back as I attempted to rush back to him. We could only watch, his body bloodied and broken… his white hair stained red… but yet… a proud smile on his face. Turning to look at his children… us… me.

" My children Before I go, tell me. Was I a good Farther?" he asked as a single tear ran down his face.

" YES PAPA! YOU WHERE THE BEST, DON'T EVER QUESTION IT" I yelled out to him. Knowing that… this would be the last time I'd hear him… his voice, his laugh… his smile… all of it was for the last time. I watched as his face contorted… his smile dropping… and his eyes… going blank… "PAPA!!!" I screamed, making a move to run but two strong arms stopped him. "Y/n… Y/n… you have a son to return to… please!" It was Marco… he held me tightly to my chest, trying to reason with me, "Sabo… needs you… so let's go… while we still can," I didn't want to… no, not my dad… my old man… leaving him here… it didn't feel right… but yet… I knew I had to.

"Right…"

"Tsk… what a pathetic excuse of a man," I halted at the comment… a harsh, deep, ridged voice spoke. Akainu stood, staring us down from a close distance… far too close for comfort. "To die… a Pirate… How hell bound is he…" Oh, he irked me… so much… but the thought of Sabo, being left with Rayleigh … not knowing why his mother never came back to him, sobered me up.

" SHUT UP YOU KNOW NOTHING OF HIM!" Ace roared at him, his voice booming with rage… fuck. I didn't have time to react. Not a word was said, nor was there a movement as Ace leaped, aiming right at Akainu. I watched in frozen horror, glancing around the battlefield in search of Luffy… find him… protect him… you promised him… was the only thing going through my head. Finding him a decent distance, I refocused on Ace going blow for blow with the Admiral. Blood flew, spit, punch after punch… Lava… Fire… it fused together oh so beautifully yet so terrifying all at the same time.

" ACE STOP!" I screamed trying to gain his attention… pull him away… anything. But… he continued on, landing a decent blow to Akainus's face, causing the man to stumble back slightly… allowing both a moment to refocus. I could see it… the way his eyes wandered to the weakest link on the front line… "LUFFY!" too late… too late… too late… I was… too late to notice, to react, to move, to… to stop him.

" FINE, I'LL JUST GO FOR YOU!" Akainu yelled as he made his way toward Luffy.

"NO!" Me and Ace yelled at the same time. Too late… too late… too late… far too late… I watched… in pure horror as Ace took the blow… not just any blow… no… a fatal one.

"A-ACEE" Luffy's voice was ear piercing… his scream… his horror…his sorrow… I ran… as fast as I could… watching… from what felt like a mile away.

"a-ACE" I screamed as he fell to the floor, " NO NO NO" I screamed running toward him. Finally, finally, I was making up ground… sliding to my keens next to Luffy, allowing the boy to fall onto my shoulder…

" Ace" Luffy whispered, his eyes rolling back, a scream etched onto his face while he passed out… sliding down my shoulder… into the bloodied ground…

"L-luf!" Before I could move to help… the gurgling of Ace… called for me.

" He-hey babe," He said softly coughing up blood. A stupid smile on his face… his eyes already droopy and face pailing fast. With gentle hands, I brought him to rest on my lap… watching as my tears dripped onto his face.

" A-Ace… No, please tell me you're ok," I said cleaning the blood from his lip. I knew he wasn't… but god did I wish he was… wish the blood was another stupid joke… wish this damn pool of blood was actually spilled juice… but unfortunately… it wasn't. There was no sweet scent to it… only bitter and iron… and the sounds weren't the crew laughing… no it was gunshots, screams… death. I glanced next to me Luffy was passed, his eyes white and mouth wide. " L-look what you did to him," I said chucking softly trying to lighten the mood. "scared him for life…"

"Y/N I -I'm sorry"

"For what? You have nothing to apologize for," I said letting the tears run free.

" I put a target on Sabo's back, with my blood," He said tears running as well. His goofy smile was replaced with a deep frown… taking a moment he coughed up more blood.

" Ace, love… any child I or you had was gonna be wanted from birth" I sighed as his breathing started too slow. I watched as the light became a little more dime in his eyes… Oh, what a time… to be in his final moments… and all he can think about is our son… God what a man. " I'm just happy that you're the father of my child" I lowered my head pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Tasting the iron from his blood… and salt from his sweat. Gently pulling away… just gazing down at his basically white face.

"Please Y/N, keep him safe," Ace said as the breath left his lips " And please follow Luffy… keep him safe" He gave a soft smile, lifting his head to kiss me, "mm and Find someone else to love… someone to hold you… care for you… love… you," his breath shuttered… lifting himself again to meet my lips… one… last… time. I smiled at the last kiss we would ever share, with my husband… with my soulmate… " Ace the love of my life I promise I will keep everyone safe but… I can't promise to find another," I couldn't bring myself to promise something like that… "I never said till death do us part…" I held his lips centimeters away from mine… "Because I refuse to separate after death… stuck with me for eternity"

"Thank… you… for loving me…" He coughed… blood spitting up… spilling onto my hair, face, clothes… everything… "Thank you… for… my greatest.." He huffed… trying to continue… fighting the darkness threatening to take him… "Gift… I-I… will find you again… I promise…promis…" I watched… as his eyes went dark… his stupid smile still resting on his face… his breathing stopping completely… My Ace… oh my Ace… was gone… but yet… I could only smile… knowing that in those seven seconds of his life flashing before his eyes… I was in there… and Sabo… Luffy, Pops… Garp… Thatch… Marco… and I'm sure… even Teach.

Narrators POV

"ACE" the crew screamed as he went limp. They watched… tearful… scared… making no movements as Y/n sat there… smiling but motionless with Ace still resting on her lap.

" Y/N!!" Marco yelled, deciding he couldn't leave his sister there alone any longer… Rushing over… he gently grabbed Luffy, quickly handing him over to Jinbe before turning back to her. "Y/n?" He softly spoke… tearing up at the sight in front of him… 'Ace…' His heart hurt… oh so badly… Thatch… Pops… now Ace… all ripped from his fingers. He was dragged out of his thoughts when the ground suddenly shook… stumbling away from her, the sheer Haki that was radiating off her was… terrifying.

"АНННННННН!" а scream of agony ripped from Her throat as if she had just been stabbed through the heart. It was ear-shattering and heartbreaking… no matter what side you were fighting for. " AAAACCCCEEEEE!" she cried out. Violently sobbing, simply staring down at his body… "AGHHH ACE!!"

" Y/N CALM DOWN" The crew was trying to get her to calm down, they knew her devil fruit… heavily intertwined with her anger and sorrow… Losing control now… means doubling the size of the casualties.

" No no no no NOOOO!" She screamed… her hair floating as she allowed her energy to flow freely… shaking the ground. " I'm done with this!" She rasped… voice hoarse and ragged. "I'll kill you," she muttered softly… before tearing her eyes from Ace and staring at Akainu "I'll KILL YOU!" she screamed as she gently removed the now lifeless body from her lap. Taking caution to lay his head on the ground softly… taking his hat into her hands and staring at it for a moment before setting it safely upon her head. "DEADLY PUPPET!"

Everyone froze as the dead bodies all around her started to move again ( Minus Ace). Mangeld and broken… bodies of Marines and Pirates moved… Standing at a still position… like mer puppets. Marco gasped softly… staring at her face… seeing the ice-cold stare she held, no remorse for those she was using as she would usually have… No emotion about the fact that her own brothers were being used… She was no longer Y/n in this moment… nor was she La Muerte no love… health… celebration… no she was Xibalba… dark… frighting… forgetting those she was using.

" Kill every Marine In site" She demanded. Her voice was dark, laced in venom… eyes a neon green, and hair a now spikey form. Everyone watched in horror as the number of dead bodies doubled as well as the number of her army.

" Y/N STOP THIS MADNESS" The crew called back while at the same time trying to get Luffy to safety. Jinbe was horrified… Ace spoke as if this woman was a saint… but what he saw now was straight out of hell.

"Love… that's what she's acting on," Vista spoke quickly… catching the terrified look on Jinbe's face. "The unhealthy kind"

"Y/n PLEASE!" Marco screamed

" NO THEY KILLED MY HUSBAND AND MY FARTHER, NO MARINE WILL LEAVE HERE ALIVE" She screamed, moving to search for the bastard that did it… that killed him. Locking eyes on him… she only smiled, dark and menacing. " AND YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF" she pointed at Akainu and started to walk towards him.

" Bring it on 'Princess'" He said getting ready for a fight. Using air quotes to taunt her… trying to get her mentally over the edge. It was working.

" AKAINU I'LL KILL YOU THEN I'M GOING AFTER THAT FATASS UP THERE," she said pointing toward Teach. Who gasped at her words… not realizing he was gonna get dragged in so soon.

As another body hit the floor, the two were going at it. Lava was flying with each connection of kicks and punches. Blood, sweat, and tears were flying everywhere. Some are attacks missing and others are not.

" YOUR SON WILL DIE THE SAME WAY HIS FARTHER DID" Akainu yelled, ' I can break her' he thought. He was not expecting such a vigorous fight… especially from a woman. 'never believed that a broken-hearted woman… was far more dangerous than a greedy man…' She was proving his belief wrong now.

" AKAINU THAT'S ENOUGH" Garp yelled. ' I made a promise' he thought struggling under Son Goku. He needed to get to her… at the very least… be ready for if they moved to hunt for son… His great-grandson… 'Like hell they'll take her… or him!'

" Garp are you trading sides," He asked pushing Garp further into the ground.

" No but that Woman is my family and so is her child," he said finally getting out. Rushing to the battlefield… not getting involved but staying close just in case.

" YOU TOUCH MY SON I'LL BURN YOU IN HELL!" She screamed… sending a fist into Akainu, Haki covered and blood-lust-ridden. Hitting him so hard that he went flying… sailing into the canon that her father had made… Breathing heavily "Fuck… You!" Shifting her sight… Moving on from Akainu… hunting for the bitch bastard that started all this… "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU TEA-AKK!" She gurgled when a sword impaled her chest… near deadly strick. "I- Who?" Y/n gasped… glancing behind her to see Marco… tear tear-ridden face and guilt-bound.

"I'm sorry little Sis… I promise I'll fix you up… but I can only allow so many siblings to die this day…" He whispered, pulling the sword from her chest… watching as she coughed up blood… before falling backward into the ground… landing right next to Ace. Turning her head… she gazed at his body… his face pale and eyes blank… but still his stupid… not his beautiful smile… edged onto his face forever. Reaching out softly… grasping his hand, she smiled.

"Unfortunately… Marco won't let me meet you yet…" She spoke softly… knowing full well that Marco would be back any second to heal her… "But… I'm glad… because I promise… I'll raise a perfect boy… a man… just like you," She smiled softly, allowing the darkness to take her. "Bye… bye my Ace."

"MAMA UNCLE LUFFY WANTS YOU!"

'Right!' Y/N was dragged out of her memories, reliving the past and the pleasure of her husband. It's been nearly 3 years since then, and now little Sabo stood smiling happily at the Age of 4. He looks exactly like him… his freckled-ridden face, dark eyes, hair, smile… not even an aspect of her in him. Only… Ace… and she wouldn't have it any other way.

" Think bout Papa again?" he asked sitting next to her, carefully grabbing her hand. Gently rubbing his thumb over her hand… a faint memory of his father doing so… was it his own?… or just one of when his mama would tell him of his dad?

" Yes sweetie, sorry," she said trying to wipe the little tears that were escaping.

" It's ok to cry Mama, I miss Papa too," he said now hugging his mother's arm. He did… so much… so young yet he knew he loved Ace… no His dad… he missed him… remembered him… needed him… loved him.

" Anyways, Where's Uncle Luffy?" She said getting off of Sunny's head. Picking Sabo up on the way.

" He's inside with Uncle Zoro," Sabo said pointing toward the kitchen door.

" Come on then! Let's see," she said slowly walking, Sabo went ahead and ran in front. Giggling as he threw the door open.

" I love you" Y/N was quick to turn around, looking for who said that. She sighed at the sight of her husband… a move… a technique she'd been practicing for years… now perfected.

" Thank you," she said smiling toward him. " For everything and I love you too" She took a step toward him and hugged the ghost, a familiar scent and touch made her smile…

" I'll be back don't worry," He said holding her face.

" I know, next week? Same time? " she asked.

"Same time," he said smiling back. She gently kissed him as he slowly faded away. God was she blessed to be a Devil fruit owner… especially of the Land of the Dead… both the forgotten and remembered… She got his spirit back to this world… not to complete her second part of this mission… completing his body… to be used as a successful vessel.

"Soon Mi amor… I'll have you back… and so will Luffy, Marco… Sabo…" She smirked… pulling out her notebook to make the final touches to her sketch… "Just need a compatible heart…"

"MAMA HURRY!!!"

"COMING LOVE!!" She giggled, tucking it safely into her pocket, before running to the Kitchen.

(okay so.... I sobbed writting this... Like being so for real... sobbed... I love Ace, he's my husband and his birthday was 4 days ago.... AGHHH... miss his greasy ass.... okay love you all! and also this took for ever so I promis PT2 for her healed heart will be out soon!

HAVE A GREAT DAY AND REMEMBER TO EAT,DRINK, AND LOVE YOURSELF BYEEEEEE LOVE YOU ALL

[jesncin]

What are your thoughts on the concept of Clark Kent having once been Superboy in his youth? It's a period of time that's been added, explored, and removed through various adaptations and reboots since 1945 – the original '41 pitch being "Superman before he developed a social conscience." It introduces his own cast of characters his age that affect his eventual growth into an adult: Lana Lang, Pete Ross, Lex Luthor, the Legion of Super-Heroes, etc. Does it add to the mythos or is it unnecessary?

ooh! I definitely think his Superboy era is one of the unique things about Clark that was lost post-crisis. I've seen arguments for both sides! And I think what matters most when approaching it- is less about how it technically fits into Clark's life, and more about what it thematically adds to him as a hero.

If you're like me and building on something like SSTK as a foundation, then the Superboy era starts right here. Growing up, this version of Clark was very scared of his powers and outright hid them to pass as human. A part of him wants to help others with what he can do, but he's still a kid with problems that feel too big for him. Years later, after he saves a circus strongman and realizes he can frame what makes him different in an acceptable package, his mom makes Clark an outfit with the symbol she found him wearing as a baby. This version of Superboy would have a limited power set. It's a rich era where you can squeeze a lot of teen "figuring out who you are/changing body/puberty" angst with small town superhero-ing.

I think what holds people back from going as wacky as early Superboy went is that there's a cap to how much they want Clark to figure himself out during this time. Again if we're working off SSTK, it'll be a lot harder to expose Clark to things like the Legion of Super Heroes because this Clark has a lot of internalized insecurity over being an alien. So meeting and having a positive experience with other aliens wouldn't make his big coming out moment in the finale of SSTK as strong if he isn't overcoming his fear of the unknown. Sure you could erase his memory like STAS did, but that means he doesn't carry what he learned with him. Thematically some people like the idea of Smallville representing these earlier struggles, and for Metropolis to feel like this bigger more adult expansive world opened up for Clark.

I think what people doing the "Is Superboy integral to the mythos or not" debate should open up to is the idea that as Superman's character evolves, his earlier life is going to look different depending on the story we're telling and what he represents about us as people. Maybe he'll look less like the toddler putting villains behind bars, and more like an awkward teen still cobbling himself together.

the tldr is that I think Superman's Smallville era feels too empty without Clark doing some kind of heroics in his youth. So yes to Superboy! Just be open to it looking different from pre-crisis Superboy. Yes he's figuring out his conscious, but he should still have a ton of growing up to do.

[thegildedbee]

{S1/S2} & {S3/S4} Fics: [Questions] .......................................................................

[well, instead of a few thoughts about the "whys" for the Parentlock fic recs that were the point of starting this post, and then a list of and comments about the recs, this turned into a longer meta -- which, we don't really do meta any more, do we, except in passing? fwiw, then, a throwback post, I guess?]

........................................................................................................... I've been thinking some about differences in Sherlockian fic treatments, when comparing the S1/S2 period to the S3/S4 period - in general, this means 2014 as a dividing line, although that's not a hard-and-fast cut-off point: for example, there were fics that were conceptualized or well-along-the-wip-road prior to S3 that carried on from within the earlier canon-space even if they were completed a year or so later; and there were fic authors who were publishing circa 2015 who had shrugged off S3 when it was being aired, and couldn't have cared less about post-S3 [often disputatious] meta discussions/ speculations.* So, by my figuring, 2014-2015 is a transitional phase, with my guess being that it would be late in 2015 when fics written by authors engaging with S3 canon began merging into a critical mass, creating a second, S1/2/3-transformed foundational reference point for many fics going forward -- and, the later in time one ventures, the reference point for most fics.

It's not that I've been wondering/pondering about the differences because I think pre- or post-S3 fics are better or worse -- to say the least :-) I feel positively about fic from both time periods! It's partly curiosity about the writing of fic in the two different creative contexts: in the "before time" or the "after time" of BBCS' post-Reichenbach canon decisions. And it's also partly curiosity about the differences in length that now exist for the two periods: about 4 years for pre-S3 fic -- which will always remain so, along with the amount of fic it contains [minus deletions and disappearances of specific fic] -- and going on 11 years now (and always stretching further, with increasing content) for post-S3 fic.

I think that one impulse prompting my curiosity is the fact that, realistically, at this point in time [the start of 2025] new canon is unlikely to appear. When BBCS was still in motion as an evolving source for its own canon (in actuality and in potentia), fics were brought to life within a contingent canonical landscape (whether authors were adapting to it or subverting it or anticipating it or transforming it or appropriating it or moving at tangents to it). Of course, the canonical landscape was rendered static when BBCS pulled over to the side of the motorway and killed the engine.

What I'm not saying is that fic is in stasis -- it can't ever be, for lots of reasons! One reason is that, as time passes, the world changes, and we change, and what we see when we look at traditional canon changes . . . and so the fandom dynamic of fic evolution continues :-) A second reason is that new people come along to write fic and to comment on fic, and to meta about fic, and their contributions augment and reshape the cumulative corpus . . . and so the fandom dynamic of fic evolution continues :-) A third reason is that, through our encounters with other imaginative realms, old and new (novels and films and series and other enthusiasms) and then with each other, there's a continuous glamouring that shimmers the atmosphere . . . and so (say it again :-) the fandom dynamic of fic evolution continues :-) Even so, I've been a bit wistful these days about experiencing Sherlockian canon-in-the-making . . . which is maybe what's prompted me (?) to return to the ur-source, which, because it's been so long since I've visited there, can conjure up that kind of magic :-) And so I've been doing some weekly mini-wanderings through ACD canon, and reading between the lines in a kind of what's-old-is-new-again-familiar-unfamiliarity that's been rewarding :-) But more on point for this post (ha! if you've read this far you've been wondering, is there a point? . . . ) is a sense I have that re-visiting S1/S2 fic is another way of accessing a bit of a present-day sense of canon-in-the-making, because it is far enough in the past now, and because of the post-S3's-interpolated-foundation-for-fic has itself extended outward so far, that pre-S3 fic can be visited in a what's-old-is-new-again kind of way (S1/S2 has familiar beats to it, but when visiting I somehow feel whisperings of a mrs. hudson-like smile of "but we see things somewhat differently here, dear" :-)

Okay, enough with all the preliminaries! All that being said: So, what's an example? Here's one I've come back to many times: One major shift is in fics where Sherlock is a parent, or is interacting with a child of John's, because pre-S3 means pre-Mary [at least the "Mary the (former?) assassin" of BBC Sherlock] and pre-"Rosie." [It is the case that some pre-S3 authors have a "Mary," but it's a version that's drawn from ACD canon, and, as such, is usually a much more understated presence; re kids from ACD canon, that's a null consideration.]

There are an overwhelming number of post-S3 fics where Sherlock-with-a-child means Sherlock&John-and-Mary's-Rosie under various scenarios. And while there are lots of different Rosie personalities, Rosie plots, and Sherlockian encounters with Rosie, a majority (or very nearly all?) post-S3 Parentlock fics share in this background rationale (more or less, to be sure) even as they play out from there in a gazillion different inventive ways. Pre-S3 Parentlock fics don't have that raison d'etre, of course, and the child characters and plottings that feature in the S1/S2 period have a generally wilder set of imaginings, and their S1/S2 fic Sherlocks have a balance of characteristics that have some subtle differences that I've always found intriguing, and keep coming back to (this can hold for Johns as well, although the emphasis is more pronounced with Sherlocks). Being pulled back into pre-S3 fic and re-visiting it through categories like Parentlock has been another way that I've re-experienced a kind of anticipatory canon-in-the-making . . . ambience? aesthetic? aura? which I've found to be intriguing. I'm not sure that looking backwards has much appeal for others -- maybe (?) In any case, I guess I thought I'd try and puzzle it out for myself by writing it down and not just having it float about in wisps in my mind palace :-)

Well, hey now, as this is an epic amount of wandering about, I think it's time to come to a rather inelegant galumphing of an endpoint! Writing up the fic recs will have to maybe happen somewhere down the road...

(For anyone who has wandered along this far as well: if you have any thoughts you'd like to share about S1/S2 and S3/S4 fic partitioning, or [the futility of?] attempts to re-surface a canon-in-the-making-vibe -- feel free to add them in! If so, borrowing these would allow this post a much more inspiriting way to finish :-)

........................................................................................

*(. . . and of course there were a significant number of authors who left the fandom after S3 -- but that's a fic trend reflection for another day :-)

.......................................................................................

@calaisreno  @totallysilvergirl  @friday411  @peanitbear  @original-welovethebeekeeper

@helloliriels  @a-victorian-girl  @keirgreeneyes  @starrla89  @naefelldaurk

@topsyturvy-turtely  @lisbeth-kk  @raina-at  @jobooksncoffee  @meetinginsamarra

@solarmama-plantsareneat  @bluebellofbakerstreet  @dragonnan  @safedistancefrombeingsmart  @jolieblack

@msladysmith  @ninasnakie  @riversong912  @dapetty .............................................................................................

[sunshine-theseus]

Pequeña | Kyra Cooney-Cross x Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Summary: you make stupid decisions but you got your girl in the end.

Warning: fluff, horrible self-care, fainting

My parents and I moved from Spain to England when I was 5.

I was a quiet kid with no friends, who spent most of her time reading or listening to music. At seven years old my parents decided to sign me up for my local football kids club to try and get me to ‘open my wings’, their code for ‘stop being a fucking loner we value popularity over smarts’. I haven’t seen them in 8 years.

Turns out I was fucking great at football and by 12 I was in the Arsenal Football Academy. At 15 I was playing for their Women’s team in the WSL and was debuting for England’s national team. I spent most of that time on the bench of course, but by 17 I had a large ‘1’ on my back and was starting 90% of games at Arsenal. I didn’t have many friends though, especially when I knew most would either leave to bigger leagues or transfer teams. I preferred it though because that meant I had plenty of time between training and games to study and read and play music.

Another 6 years later and I’m playing for England in the Semi-finals of the 2023 World Cup against Australia. I wasn’t our main goalie, but Mary had gotten a concussion so that left me and like hell I would let us lose this close to the finals. I’d nearly managed to keep a clean sheet until Sam Kerr came running up from halfway, past Millie and chipped it behind me into the goal. Despite the goal, we won.

As I’m walking toward the girls, I tripped over something, or someone, sitting on the sidelines near the tunnel. One of the Aussie girls, clearly tired and upset, curled up to their goalkeeper. If there was one thing I could do, it was recognise a phenomenal goalkeeper when I see one, and Mackenzie Arnold was just that.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper to her as I pat her shoulder and copy the gesture for the girl next to her.

I didn’t know much about her, but I’d seen her play. Her footwork was incredible, and she was clearly underrated and underestimated, something Arsenal could benefit from.

“Wanna swap jerseys?” it comes out soft, I almost miss it as I turn away. When I turn back around, I expect to see Mac offering her’s, but instead I see the younger girl looking up at me questioningly and I smile. I’d already swapped with Mac in a friendly earlier this year, and I love collecting jerseys from different players.

“Fuck yeah.” and within seconds she has my jersey pulled over her head, and it hangs loosely, clearly a few too many sizes too big for her.

I then pull on her’s, for a moment fearful it would be too small, but I’m thankful for her clear preference for baggy clothes as it slips over my torso. Mackenzie beckons over their photographer, and I pose with the still nameless girl. She’s small in comparison to my 5’11 stature and I giggle at the difference before offering her a piggyback for a silly photo.

As she jumps up, I notice shocked stares of my teammates from the corner of my eye but shake it off as she wraps her arm around my neck as if to choke me.

“Has anyone told you how small you are?” I ask her as I drop her back to the ground.

“They don’t shut up about it.”

“I think I’ll call you Pequeña.” I chuckle at her confused look.

“It means small in Spanish.”

“What the fuck!? Fine I’m calling you fucking Giant or something.”

I don’t get her actual name that night, but I look it up when I get back to my hotel room, Lotte missing from the space.

Kyra Cooney-Cross. An unexpected star.

I watch one of her games instead of doing my uni work and fall asleep to one her interviews playing.

~~~~~

I don’t expect to see Kyra until whatever friendly we have with Australia before the Olympics. In the time after the World Cup and before pre-season, I’ve hung her jersey in my hallway, along with all the others. I put her’s at the entrance with others like Mapi León and Christine Sinclair, people I consider special.

We also begin talking. A lot. I spend most of my spare time calling or texting her, but I don’t tell anyone.

The shock I get when the final minute of the pre-season transfer window approaches, and I get a notification from the Arsenal Women twitter account.

‘KYRA COONEY-CROSS IS A GUNNER✍️’

~~~~~

We’d been knocked out of the qualifiers for the Championship League and yet I walk into training on Monday with a slight spring in my step and excitement buzzing through me. I wave to all the staff and greet everyone, asking how the girls are when I walk into the locker room.

It’s Katie who asks.

“What the fuck is up with you Ms Dark and Broody?”

“Whatever do you mean?” I giggle.

She gives me and incredulous look before turning to the rest of the locker room who share similar expressions.

“W- wh- wh-” she continues to babble as Steph pulls her back to her cubby and pats her shoulder as a way of reassurance.

“You just… you’re never so smiley or talkative. At all. Like ever. Like in the past 8 years you’ve said maybe 100 words per season to me.” Lotte speaks up.

“Not true!”

“I’ve only seen you without a book off the pitch 13 times. I started counting after the 1st.” My jaw drops.

“She’s not wrong Y/n. You’re pretty reserved and stoic. Which there’s nothing wrong with! But it’s just odd to see you, well like this.” Manu points at me as if that’s explanation enough.

“Wow thanks gu-” I’m cut off by someone jumping on my back and screaming.

“BEANSTALK!” and I’m smiling all over again as I turn my head to see the young Australian I’ve been missing.

“PEQUEÑA!”

“I can’t believe I had to put up with your nerdy shit in person every day now.” She jumps off my back and moves to greet the other girls except for Steph and Caitlin who she obviously knows.

We don’t get much time to talk before Jonas calls us into the meeting room. He introduces all our new players like Kyra and Lessi and announces the return of Vivianne and Beth to our playing squad, before going over how we need to improve after our defeat in the Champions League.

“L/n, I know you just came 2nd in the World Cup but you cannot be slacking like you did in the game against Pairs. You’ve got to be doing more.” I don’t get to reply before he’s ushering us out onto the pitch.

I’m left in a sour mood the rest of training, once again avoiding everyone, including Kyra who seemingly found a close friend in Alessia. I had given my all in that game against Paris, but they were good, and I’d stayed up until 2am the night before completing one of my assignments for my uni degree, something Jonas had encouraged me to do.

I was more mad that he didn’t allow me to tell him why but either way, I’d decided I would be staying after training to practice until I couldn’t any longer. So I did. And I came in an hour early the next morning to get more training in. I continued to do this for a while, studying once I got home until I couldn’t keep my eyes open now that my usual study time was booked. Eventually the girls stopped inviting me for coffee or team bonding and Kyra stopped trying to talk.

We were playing against Man United when I began to sway side to side, and my eyes began to droop. I think Kyra noticed first while on the sideline, and whispered something to Katie as she passed by the bench, but nothing came of it until United got a corner. They didn’t even get to kick the ball before I crumpled to the ground beside a clueless Lotte and Katie Zelem.

I don’t feel myself get carried off the pitch or get transferred to an ambulance. I don’t think I recognise anything happening around me until hours later. The clock on the wall says 9:21 and I think I’ve only slept for a few hours, but then I notice the sun streaming through the curtains and realise the few might actually be a lot.

I then recognise the limp bodies spread across the room. The awfully sterile white room which is nothing like the warmth of my olive-green bedroom. I don’t think I’d been so slow to figure out what was going on in my life.

“Beanstalk! You’re awake!” I look to the small brunette who has been hunched over asleep next to me for god knows how long and smile.

“Hey pequeña.”

“You are so stupid!” Kyra slaps my arm and sends me a sharp glare.

“What the fuck is going on. You’ve been exhausted 24/7 and no one sees you outside of training.” I then decide to explain my rather stupid schedule and reasoning to her.

She stares blankly at me for a while.

“You are genuinely so fucking dumb. I was so worried about you.” She whispers.

“Why?”

“Because I love you.” Her eyes drop to her lap.

“Te amo.” I’m not sure she understands it but she smiles either way and leans in.

Just as our lips meet, Katie abruptly wakes up in her corner of the room and shrieks.

“What the fuck!” and we’re left to quickly pull away as she tries to wake everyone else up to tell them what she saw.

“Katie don’t be fucking ridiculous! They’re both sound asleep.” I hear Kim whisper shout, followed by more of Katie’s babbling about how we’re just pretending as they trail out of the room, assumedly getting coffee.

As the door clicks shut, I open one eye to glance around the now empty room. It seems everyone needed some coffee. Except a certain Australian, whose eyes also peak open.

“Kiss me.” And then her lips are on mine again.

~~~~~

I don’t play again until our game against Bristol for the Conti Cup. Jonas apologised for pushing me too hard but made it clear I was to properly rest before I get to do anything and makes Sarina Weigman promise not to play me during our international break.

Kyra also gets her first starting debut.

It’s a tough game, and in the 84th minute, Kyra drops to the ground. I nearly run to check on her, but she gets back up, and within another minute she gets subbed off for Vic.

The whistle blows, signalling the end of the game, we win 3-1.

I meet Kyra in the middle of the field, pick her up and swing her around. Our first proper game playing together seems like an obvious thing to celebrate. And before I can think, I’m leaning down and kissing her, something I’m not sure if I’ll regret later.

She smiles that smile, brighter than the sun, and I melt.

“Te amo pequeña.”

[waywardstation]

Earlier this year I made a post outlining Akari’s Hisui team; I’ve been meaning to do one for her pre-Hisui team as well!

I put some thought into these choices as well, as just like the first team I put together, I appreciate how @tjs-stuffs analyzes different pokemon trainers’ teams to see what it says about them.

Dawn’s Pokemon team choices and reasonings why are listed below.

—————

LADY ♀ | LVL 43 PURUGLY

SASSY NATURE

Akari/Dawn’s “starter”. Dawn did not get a lab-provided starter pokemon as she did not follow that path and begin a journey at ten. So her starter was one of her mom’s pokemon; her (at the time) glameow was her pokemon that Dawn was closest to, and her pokemon most experienced with contests, and so Johanna gave Lady to Dawn as her first pokemon to start doing contests with.

There isn’t anything about the Glameow line that really lends itself to Dawn’s character, but due to the anime I know people are aware that Johanna has a glameow, so I wanted Dawn to have one to cement that connection a little.

—————

BLINK ♀ | LVL 41 LUMINEON

ADAMANT NATURE

As a wild finneon it was familiar with Dawn, friendly with her when she was little, and hung around when she’d play by the ponds near her town. Lucas helped her catch it as she wanted a water pokemon to be with her when starting a team; she was not a strong swimmer. A buizel was suggested for this, but Dawn wanted her childhood friend.

The Lumineon line is noted to attract its prey by lingering in the dark and using its bioluminescence to draw them in, but this very same light will attract its own predators too. This was a characteristic that made me want to put it on her Hisui Team — her “light” is what brought her her opportunities in Hisui, but it was also what caught Volo’s attention and made him turn on her.

In the end Mantine won over Lumineon, but I still wanted Dawn to have one for the similarities, so I put one on her Pre-Hisui team.

—————

CORAL ♀ | LVL 40 GOREBYSS

ADAMANT NATURE

Dawn’s first Pokémon caught outside of Sinnoh, when on a trip to Hoenn with her mom to do her first contest with her. It was beached and needed help. She caught it, and Lucas later traded with her to help it evolve — she went with Gorebyss as she thought it was pretty and would pair very well with Blink in contests.

There is not much about Gorebyss that connects it to Dawn’s character. Rather, I made the pick based on Dawn’s preferences for a Pokemon that might do well and look nice in contests.

—————

SHERBET ♂ | LVL 45 BEARTIC

LAX NATURE

Dawn’s second pokemon that came from outside of Sinnoh, on a trip with her mother to do a musical in Unova. Johanna had actually caught it as a cubchoo when Dawn was very young as she had met and gotten attached to it. It was not much a fan of participating in contests, however. Johanna traded it to Dawn when she began to show an interest in battling, as it was much more invested in battles and wanted to go with her.

While there is not much to connect it to Dawn with, I picked the cubchoo line as I saw that they were a pokemon actually mentioned by name in PLA, despite not actually being present in the game. I liked the PLA connection to a non-PLA pokemon.

—————

ALLOY | LVL 43 BRONZONG

MODEST NATURE

Dawn’s first pokemon she caught herself after considering turning away from coordinating to be a trainer. Caught as a bronzor, it had been attracted to her location after watching her training attempts in Mt. Coronet’s caves. It was inspired and wanted to join her team to train with her.

I picked the Bronzor line as Bronzong are pokemon noted to have come from ancient times, 2,000 years ago, and were supposedly revered for its powers to open portals from other worlds to bring rain and help crops thrive. I thought it was fitting seeing as Dawn went back around 200 years instead, and came through a “portal” with people believing she had something special about her.

—————

NANO | LVL 27 ROTOM

QUIRKY NATURE

Dawn’s last Pokemon she added to her team. A rotom was a Pokemon she’d wanted for a while — at first for coordinating, due to its ability to change into many different forms, and then for its versatility in battle; it could serve well in both categories — and after training her team up a little more, she went out in search of one. So she tracked it down in the Old Chateau. It took multiple attempts over many nights to catch it.

I picked Rotom for Dawn’s team because a Rotom is one of the most versatile and adaptable pokemon out there, able to switch between many forms with no permanence or final decisions. Dawn is supposed to be someone who can adapt to fit many different situations; it’s how she survives in Hisui. And even before Hisui, she was balancing options as both a trainer and a coordinator — neither option was “set” for her, just like how a rotom’s forms are not set (unlike eevee or milcry; while they also have many different variations, all of them are final and cannot be undone).

[goldensunset]

who wants to read my entire keykid oc dalia lore dump (it's long but it's interesting i swear)

long story short: this is basically an au where the khux player is already aware of the entire plot of the story in advance, but isn't trying to fight fate- she's trying her best to silently bear it all and shape the world into its intended future. with a few changes because she can't help but be human

backstory: i got into khux late- i just watched the entire cutscene compilation in like two sittings in late 2021, around when i was getting into kh itself. i had started to follow a lot of kh people earlier that year bc they were also twewy fans (i got into twewy in early 2021 right ahead of the twewy renaissance), and they started infecting me with their brainworms. i especially knew a lot about the khux ending (late may/early june 2021 if i remember correctly?) because oh man you guys were LOUD. it was a nuclear bomb meltdown. eventually my curiously was piqued. this is all to say that i had already gotten like partially spoiled on a lot of things, and there was no hiatus for me when watching that massive 5 and a half hour movie. and of course i didn't play the real game myself. meaning, in short, my experience of khux was incredibly different than that of people who actually played the game when it was alive over a series of years.

a couple years later i decided i wanted to create my own keykid oc, bc everyone else had one and i wanted to get in on the hype and be cool etc. but like. it hit different. i was creating a keykid who would never see the light of day in the game bc it was defunct aside from the character creator and the cutscene library. i was making her with the knowledge of her fate, unlike everyone else who was blindsided by their precious children dying (unless you like. called it) she was born after she had already been killed. doomed from the start. and she would never even be able to make friends with others. so i was like screw it what if that was part of her original character lore? what if i incorporated my personal experiences into the meta?

basically my idea with dalia is that she already knows the future she's walking into, and she has from the start. does she have her own innate magical clairvoyance? did she sneak a peek at the book of prophecies? is the future she sees set in stone or does she make it happen? idk i haven't quite worked all that out. but like this is a version of the player who already knows the entire plot of khx/khux, but is either powerless or unwilling to stop it. it's like she already watched it, like a movie. dalia just quietly accepts her fate and carries out the actions she knows she's meant to do because she doesn't believe she has the power to create a better future for herself and others.

as a result of this burdensome knowledge, she's very quiet and reserved. she doesn't want to risk accidentally letting anyone else know what she knows, nor does she want to give off the impression that she's obviously keeping a secret. so she's sort of a stone wall. she finds it hard to let herself get emotionally attached to others, since she knows the world is ending and she herself is gonna die and never see these people again. why go through the effort of trying to be her own person and live her own life? she's just a tool, a sacrifice, who's doomed. (note: i have it in my lore that she is already aware that she is going to reincarnate, but knows absolutely nothing about her next life. other than the assumption that she probably won't see anyone she meets in this one ever again.)

the day she meets ephemer her heart nearly stops because oh man, it's him. this is the start of everything, for one thing, but like... for her relationship with him specifically, she knows they are gonna change each others' lives and that their parting is going to seriously hurt. ephemer immediately clocks that there's something unusual about her and that she knows more than she lets on. she does a bit more talking than she normally would because she already respects him- it comes out as cryptic as you would imagine, but she never mentions anything that would concretely imply that she knows the future he's curious about. he tries to ask what's up with her because he's naturally curious, but she manages to convince him to please trust her intentions and not to pry. ephemer can tell she seems more pained and anxious than suspicious, so he trusts her while also feeling deeply sorry for whatever she's going through. she helps him along on his little conspiracy theory mission as usual- though she can't give him the information he seeks in advance, she has a fun time with him just like in canon.

this version of the player already knows that ephemer can't keep his promise and won't get upset about it, but she still goes to the fountain, for a number of reasons. she feels like it's an act of loyalty to him, even if it only matters to her (aka to no one). and she knows she has to play her role how it's written because of how it affects others. namely, strelitzia. see, dalia knows strelitzia exists (and is stalking her). but she's actively trying to avoid streli, though she would LOVE to go be friends. but she knows she shouldn't mess with fate, or let herself get attached to anyone... it's incredibly painful to her, knowing that her presence at fountain square and continued mini-rebellions are what inspire strelitzia and lead her to want to chase her down, leading the would-be union leader to her own doom... but it's necessary to make the future what it ought to be. who knows what could've happened instead.... maybe this sort of sacrifice was necessary too...

dalia has a lot of respect for skuld- both she and ephemer are great to be around because they've got a lot of energy and confidence that dalia lacks in herself, so it's nice just following their lead. with skuld it's worth noting that dalia is no more aware of her ultimate fate than we as the audience are (because remember, i'm getting meta with it! she only knows what we know at any given moment! when we learn the truth someday, i'll change her lore to fit that. truly changing history.) so she's a bit more comfortable with skuld because she isn't living with crushing and specific knowledge of the future. obv she doesn't tell her anything but like she's ok with getting a tiny bit more attached. bc who knows, even if dalia dies, she's getting reincarnated and there's a sliiiight chance she'll see skuld again. not enough to make her comfortable but enough to give her vague hope. also she knows skuld suffers from loneliness like her, although a different kind.

dalia's experience with infiltrating the tower with skuld is very interesting because she's simultaneously confident (she knows how this is all going down) and terrified (her own personality is still very meek and timid, future knowledge aside). her speech to 'master invi' is obviously a bit different- she's not shocked or afraid by the alleged knowledge of ephemer's death, but she can't let on so easily that she knows the truth in front of either skuld or ava. (note: i have it in my lore that however exactly she knows about the future, the foretellers do not know that she knows. mainly because her reserved personality and refusal to try to change things doesn't really make her show up in the book of prophecies as anything more noteworthy than in canon. she flies under the radar because she's not a threat). similarly to canon player, this is a very defining moment for her as it is far and away the most words she's ever spoken at once, and definitely the most confident. but like she knows it's just a test- she has to defend ephemer and herself, and fake her bravery. canon player was truly willing to fight against the precepts of society and fate in this scene, but dalia is trying to follow fate. she's a nervous wreck who was rehearsing the whole thing all the way up the tower.

the rest of khx plays out mostly like how it would in canon- just with dalia being absolutely full of internal agony at her inability to help skuld or anyone, and knowing she doesn't actually have a choice as to whether to join the dandelions or to fight in the war (or believing she doesn't have a choice, am i right.) at most she declares something like 'i'll see you again, i promise' to skuld with a weird amount of confidence for someone going to war. i would love to see her own version of the internal monologue that player has on the battlefield because it is entirely her, uncensored and unfiltered ('i would love to see', i say, as if i am not the one capable of writing it)

also she is aware of her own impending memory loss- so as a minor act of resistance, i like to imagine she carves some sort of message onto some object just saying like basically. i was here. never forget. don't let this tragedy be glossed over. and leaves it on the battleground somewhere. she loses her memories of the war as usual, but her agonizing knowledge of the future that lies ahead of her at that point remains. she doesn't find her own message, but ephemer does- it torments him and he decides to keep it for and to himself

now the khux part of it is yay yippee wahoo agony!!! player doesn't have that much actual story screentime until the end when stuff really goes down. but the scenes that are present are very good. for example lauriam approaching the player asking about strelitzia... strelitzia, whom dalia knew about and arguably let die... yeah that's. that's a big thing she's got to lie to his face about. and MAN does that suck. (note: her knowledge of the future isn't some updating thing- she just knows the original script, and heaven knows what'll happen if she deviates too hard from it. so it's not like she knows exactly how bad he would blow up at her if he ever found out she lied. but she can use her common sense to figure that one out and don't worry she just has to keep keeping it a secret! easy! not easy.)

see, the way i imagine it in this version of events is that at some point during the incredibly intense canon ending of khux, the secret gets out. there are a few ways this could happen that i haven't decided on yet. one option is i'm thinking like she gets back from her mission in candy kingdom a little earlier than in canon because she's slightly more efficient with it, not realizing that even getting to the scene slightly earlier might change the entire flow of it somehow. seemingly innocent thing is a miscalculation. butterfly effect. at some point the whole lauriam going crazy scene looks very different from the script as she knows it, and she fears that the others won't be able to stop him from hurting them. so she intervenes. (for example skuld begs her to please help the others, dalia in the heat of the moment forgets what she's supposed to do (she isn't even supposed to be there) so she listens, lauriam turns his focus to her, ephemer steps in to protect dalia and gets hurt, ven is in danger, etc). maybe in her panic she just blurts out the truth and starts spouting off things that she should not know, such as ven's innocence, or darkness's plan. this goes very well (lie).

ephemer and skuld are shocked and hurt, but they understand why dalia would feel panicked and shut down in her situation, so they're not mad... brain is mostly silent because he knows her feeling as well (and she knows he has the book, but they haven't like. ever really talked to each other.) to say lauriam is utterly furious (because he was already furious in that moment) is an understatement. similarly to canon he thankfully gets distracted by the darkness emerging from ven. even if dalia is guilty by inaction, the thing that actually killed strelitzia is more pressing. but he has a very hard time respecting her afterwards, even if he doesn't outwardly show rage after that point. i imagine he's just disgusted and refuses to look her in the eye for the rest of their brief time together. that guilt kills her obviously

as for her judgement flaw in intervening, i think it might not only have to be a rational fear that the future has already been changed. i think the intensity of the emotions are also too much for her to bear- even if she had been supposed to be here, or even if things looked normal, there's rehearsing a plan in your head and knowing logically you need to be a bystander, and then there's actually executing it with a straight face in the moment, when people that you accidentally let yourself really start to care about are in pain and need. she let herself be selfish. she tried to let herself be a person with relationships and agency. but of course she was sort of doomed in that sense

in this version ven gets to actually hear about the truth too. i imagine that ven, though he only has a few moments of like. consciousness when dalia is even around, is grateful. he feels incredibly guilty and pained about *gestures to the entirety of his canon story in khux*, and he knows he shouldn't be here. maybe he doesn't have the right to be glad he got to be a union leader and have friends. maybe it's wrong of him to feel like he benefited. but he fears that if dalia had told anyone the truth about him, they'd have treated him differently if not outright kicked him out. he's wrong, of course, bc we see in canon they still care a lot about him (even though the way brain starts talking it's like he does not count ven as a real union leader which is :( but understandable). but from his point of view dalia knew what she was doing as far as letting the future take its course, in a twisted sort of way, and he at least got to be truly happy for once in his life, even if it was only for a moment

the other option is that at some point after arriving to the scene on time (aka in the middle of the fight against darkness when lauriam has already begun to cool off and lock in) she says something she shouldn't know by total accident in a moment of what would have been peace. like 'poor ven i hope he understands it wasn't his fault' or 'i'm sorry about your sister, lauriam' after battle. or something like that. and it's like hey hold up girl how did you know about all that we didn't tell you that yet i thought you were off racing go karts in candy kingdom. she's got her events out of order. they press her (esp lauriam who has let go of his rage toward ventus but still has so much rage inside him and is looking for a new better target) and eventually it comes out that she knew about all this in advance

again. ephemer and skuld are shocked but understand. brain once again is stoic. but lauriam. Lauriam. he is PEEVED. dalia knew what was going to happen to strelitzia and let it happen? yeah... you can imagine how that would go down. enough said. time for lauriam round of rage two! they stop him from like straight up killing her and thankfully he’s already pretty physically and emotionally exhausted. but he is a broken man the entire walk down to the basement. the others do their best to try to defend dalia but he feels like he’s been played for a fool by someone who sees everyone in this world as not a free agent, but rather a pawn for an existing and unchanging narrative (nevermind that she sees herself the same way). but he does at the last second work up the heart finally to ask her if she can see anything else in his or strelitzia’s futures- is it possible to ever see her again? is she alive in some sense? dalia knows his future (part of it) but refuses to say. but she speaks honestly in saying she has no idea where strelitzia’s heart is. this doesn’t comfort him but it doesn’t dull his motivation to find her either

dalia doesn’t say anything to elrena as the pod squad is departing. she knows elrena and strelitzia knew each other and maybe elrena deserves an apology too, but wouldn’t it just be awkward to approach someone she doesn’t know just to say that unless the situation absolutely called for it… she and brain offer each other some words of encouragement. brain can tell she’s looking at him very weirdly, like she’s confused about his fate too. she’d tell him what she knew if he asked, but he clearly doesn’t want to know. so they leave it at that

and then for the ending of dalia’s story. oughghgh…. i think once she’s alone with ephemer and skuld she breaks down in tears and flat out tells them what’s about to happen. because it needs to happen no matter what, it’s the only way to defeat darkness, but they deserve to have a proper goodbye first unlike what happens in canon… it’s a very emotionally charged scene obviously like she’s telling them she has to pretend to be possessed, and then fight them, and then ephemer has to kill her… you can imagine how devastating this would be. and it’s not even like they have quite that much time to process it all and prepare before the darkness shows up. but at least in this situation they know the truth- ephemer and skuld still have to live with intense trauma and grief, but at least they don’t have to feel guilty too… like hopefully it is a little less psychologically damaging if they know their friend loves them and wanted this to happen all along. maybe. she tells skuld that she doesn’t know what’s in her future but that she has faith that she's strong enough to make it through anything. she tells ephemer that he’s going to have to bear some heavy burdens, but that he will live a long and prosperous life that’s worth being proud of. and she tells them she hopes they can meet again in some form, in some life.

when the scene plays out, it’s a bit different. dalia reins in some of her personal taunts because she doesn’t need to convince ephemer to act this time (plus he knows it’s her and that’s just rude) but neither side can afford to hold back in battle or else the darknesses won’t be convinced enough… dalia is great at hiding her tears (she has to) but ephemer and skuld are obviously absolute messes. it’s both better and worse because on the one hand the sorrow part of knowing what the plan is can be passed off as the sorrow of knowing your friend has been lost to darkness, so they’re great at acting (without really acting). on the other hand instead of the efficiency of shock and adrenaline, as well as falsely believing they have a chance at making things turn out well for them, they are already weepy messes because they know they are locked into this course of action.

again it is an understatement to say it is really hard for ephemer to do what he has to do. he almost can’t do it when he sees dalia risk a last-minute genuine smile at him but we all know he has quite the remarkable resolve. again like it is simultaneously less damaging than the original because he and skuld walk away from the situation knowing that they and dalia did the right thing and were noble heroes who saved the day through their own sacrifices, plus they got to have a proper farewell as friends beforehand, but also more damaging than the original because i feel like it’s easier to convince yourself to kill the friend you already believe to be long gone than the friend who is visibly still herself right in front of you. ough. ephemer goes on to live his life as we know it in canon (which is to say technically we don’t know a lot but y’know. he prospers but is also incredibly sad) and he’s pained yet incredibly grateful for dalia and everything she did. and whatever little memo he picked up from the keyblade graveyard from her, saying to never forget her or what happened, he keeps forever and vows to try to prevent such catastrophes from ever happening again. (we shoehorn ghost ephemer in the graveyard like in kh3 into this)

dalia understood long ago that she was going to die and prepared herself for it in advance. but now she has no idea what her next life is going to look like and that’s scary. up until this point, she’s had a script to follow, albeit a tragic one. so khml (rest in peace) is a very frightening experience for her. at least she has her memories of her past life unlike in canon but who knows what lies in store for her. but it brings her comfort to see ephemer’s statue, it brings her comfort to meet brain (hey they can finally talk now like regular people) (he’s also like DALIA?!), it brings her incredible grief to not see skuld or any sign of her (unless subject x gets disproven in which case. it brings her incredible joy and pride to see that skuld clearly was/is thriving in old scala!), etc. and she makes sure to leave as many personal writings as she can in scala in the hopes that ven, elrena, lauriam, and maybe strelitzia somehow will find them again. she feels she owes them an apology of some sorts.

in conclusion um this is several thousand words dang i had a lot to say apparently i hope you liked reading this. This was just meant to be oc lore but it turned into a whole entire au somehow. maybe i should give it a name. like foreteller of the dandelions or something. idk. will I ever get around to drawing or writing any of these scenes myself who knows! it’s past 2am ok goodnight. check out the other stuff in my oc: dalia tag

[doomsayersunited]

A Decade Of Doom!

I started this blog ten years ago to compile the growing evidence that our planet would not longer be able to sustain human life by 2050, thanks to our continued, capitalist-fueled efforts to destroy all the systems we rely upon to sustain life. The first thing I put up here was this essay, on February 20, 2014. Now, a decade later, I thought it might be "fun" to look at what's changed: 1) Earth Overshoot Day

In 2014, "Earth Overshoot Day" (the day that humanity collectively consumes more resources from nature than it can regenerate over a year) was August 19th. Now, in 2024, Earth Overshoot Day is August 1st, 2.5 weeks earlier. At this rate and assuming things don't accelerate (even though they are likely to), Earth Overshoot Day will be around June 17th by 2050. 2) Biocapacity Biocapacity is the amount of resources contained on the planet required available to sustain life, measured by area. In 2014, I calculated that the planet had a biocapacity of 1.7 hectares per person. By dividing the total available biocapacity today in 2024 with the current global population as I did then, it now appears that there are just 1.5 hectares of planetary resources left per person to extract all the materials needed to sustain life, as well as all the area available to dispose of waste. That's a 12% loss over ten years. At that rate, we can expect to lose another 30% of biocapacity by 2050, going down to just 1.05 hectares per person by then, and that's assuming that the rate of biocapacity loss does not accelerate further and that the global population suddenly stops increasing after a run of non-stop increases spanning five centuries. Oh, also a reminder that the average human requires 2.7 hectares of land to sustain its current consumption habits/levels. So. 3) Individual Conservation To illustrate the futility of individual conservation at this point in the apocalypse, let me give you an example: If you were: a fully-vegan localvore living in a one-bedroom apartment with nine other people and using 100% renewably-generated electricity; who did not ever use motorized transportation of any kind or buy new clothing, furnishings, electronics, books, magazines, or newspapers and recycled all the waste you generated that was recyclable, you'd only require 1.4 hectares of biocapacity to sustain yourself. That is close to the kind of lifestyle extremism it would take to live sustainably. Deviate from that level of stoicism even slightly (say by living in a two-bedroom apartment with three other people instead of a one-bedroom apartment with nine other people and taking a single, four-hour roundtrip flight, once a year) and you're now consuming 1.6 hectares of biocapacity, which means you're using more resources than the world has available for you if everything was divided evenly among everybody. Of course, biocapacity, like all resources, are not divvied up evenly among everybody, which is why there are currently 114 different armed conflicts happening worldwide - the highest number of armed conflicts since 1946. 2023 was the most violent year in the last three decades. 4) Other Signs Of The End Times In my 2014 essay, I referenced the work of geologist Dr. Evan Fraser, who studies civilization collapse. In his book Empires of Food, Dr. Fraser noted common signs of a civilization about to collapse, which began to appear about two decades before it all goes completely to hell. Those signs were: -a rapidly-increasing and rapidly-urbanizing population We've added 700 million people to the planet since I began this blog in 2014. And where is everyone moving to?

-farmers increasingly specializing in just a small number of crops " "As farm ecosystems have been simplified, so too are the organisms that populate the farm.  A farm that specializes in a limited number of crops in short rotations does not, for example, look for plant varieties that do well in more complex rotations with intercropping.  A beef feedlot operation wants breeds that gain weight quickly on grain diets and does not want cattle breeds that digest well pasture grasses and thrive in all year outdoor environments on the range." The result? Recent estimates put the loss of global food diversity over the last 100 years at 75%. Over the 300,000 species of edible plants that exist, humans only consume about 200 of them in notable quantities, with 90% of crop plants not being grown commercially. -endemic soil erosion Climate change and the need to raise more crops have combined to increase the rate of agricultural soil erosion globally. Back in 2014, when I started blogging about the end of everything, the UN had already determined that there was only enough fertile soil left to plant 60 more annual crops. So, by 2074, we won't be able to grow food, full stop. This of course comes at a time when the global population continues to increase, and with it the need to grow more food. If projections are accurate, we will need to increase food production by 50% over the next three decades to feed everyone. -a dramatic increase in the cost of food and raw materials When I started this blog in 2014, I noted that 2011-2013 had seen the highest food prices on record. So what's happened since then?

It's important to point out here that the current food price spike started in 2020, so if Dr. Fraser's calculations are correct, the food system will collapse sometime around 2034, taking civilization with it. I closed my debut essay on this blog with a quote from the (now deceased) climate scientist Dr. James Lovelock, who advised a Guardian journalist to "enjoy life while you can. Because if you're lucky it's going to be 20 years before it hits the fan." That interview was published in 2008. We have four years left to enjoy.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Speaking about au crossovers, suddenly absoloutley infected w the idea of a team ro time travel au + the team ro defects from Konoha to join sound au mashup

So many time travel to the warring state aus hit the beats of "oh yeah were from the future village u made, which btw is awesome" but what happens when that diverse team of clans, that team of mismatched uchiha/hatake/suspected senju that people of the time gape at seeing work so smoothly together, instead of vouching for the village condemn it?

But there's also an added layer of like— some of these characters still care about the village. Honestly all of team ro does on some level.

Itachi and Shisui are still village loyalists, just forced to leave for their own self preservation when Danzo would have them killed

Tenzo is still struggling with his own brainwashing and even tho he may have chosen the team and his friends over konoha, he still has that "you live for the village you die for the village" mentality implanted deep in his heart. He may actually try to compensate for it by being vocally against konoha when given the opportunity (lying to himself ab it)

Kakashi is complicated. He's probably the one among them who it can truly be said is against konoha— for a refresher on the detector au, he left after finding out Danzo had his father killed, then walked in on him trying to kill Shisui + this was around the time where Danzo was trying to get him to kill Sarutobi (and he was straight up willing to do it too) so there's a LOT going on in that head of his. I think he considers Konoha to be it's people— and unfortunatley he has very little people left there to truly care about. Doubly unfortunatley (for Konoha) a chunk of the people he finds himself willing to "allow" himself to care for have also come with him in this defection. So.

It's complicated.

Anyways, all of this is to say is that these guys have some seriously complex thoughts on Konoha and whether it's truly "good" or not, and I think that'd make for an interesting read when they eventually meet the founders

Also like. There's a pretty heavy Uchiha bias among them, let's be real.

Tenzo may have the Mokuton and may or may not be some sort of Senju bastard, but his education wasn't shit. He has absoloutley no opinions on the Senju in general but his only friends in the entire world are 2/3rd uchiha, so.

Shisui and Itachi are literally Uchiha. Itachi is the fucking clan heir. I don't even need to elaborate.

Kakashi is the only one who could claim to be any sort of neutral (hes even distantly related to Tobirama, though he doesnt even know it) but it was also established in the detector au that he has some sort of positive relation to Mikoto. I like to HC that Tsunade was a good friend of his father and even babysat him when he was younger tho, so there's that. But like. Still. There is a much bigger Uchiha influence on (literally his entire) life than Senju.

Anyways I don't really have any specific thoughts for this one? They don't have the same konoha loyal motivations as the original team ro time travel au, but they also don't have any motivations to like, STOP the founding of Konoha itself. They're smart enough to recognize it was a net positive for all of shinobi kind. But they don't wanna be involved.

If Orochimaru came with them maybe they can try to create sound way back when? That could be cool

Call up the Hatake and the Orochi of the warring states and see if we can make a new first ever shinobi village with a different image in mind

Fucking Orochimaru headed medical revolution 100 years earlier than it has any buisness being ,,,

Mmm this is just making me think ab an Orochimaru time travel fic actually and that's not what I want with this specific thing so let's shelve that for later maybe

But like. Team Ro time travels to the warring states but it's the team Ro that defected from Konoha

OH FUCK THAT MEANS SASUKE IS WITH THEM TOO

Rip Sasuke, my favorite little Izuna look alike. He's like 8 and the second any Uchiha see him they're going to have a stroke and go tell Madara and Izuna they might have stumbled upon something seriously sinister

Oops <3

[wisteria-lodge]

That's a good point about the DADA position. In one of the books (4?) Hagrid says people are starting to say the position is cursed. They wouldn't be only starting to say that if it's been cursed since before the first war.

In Book 1, Hagrid describes Quirrell like this:

“Oh, yeah. Poor bloke. Brilliant mind. He was fine while he was studyin’ outta books but then he took a year off ter get some first-hand experience. . . . They say he met vampires in the Black Forest, and there was a nasty bit o’ trouble with a hag — never been the same since. Scared of the students, scared of his own subject — now, where’s me umbrella?”

This tells me that Quirrell did teach at at Hogwarts. Hagrid, who doesn't seem to really leave Hogwarts, knows him him well enough to say "he was fine." He took a year long sabbatical (met Voldemort) and came back all jumpy, okay.

Then in a 2007 Q &A, JKR says (unprompted) that "He was teaching at Hogwarts for more than a year, but NOT in the post of D.A.D.A. teacher. He was previously Muggle Studies professor."

And like... no. That's a retcon. "Scared of his own subject" means scared of the subject Hagrid knows he teaches, and was "studying out of books" before he went to get some practical experience with dark creatures. Like he was teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. That's why he took a defense-themed sabbatical, and didn't like. Idk. Hang out in some muggle museums for a year.

What makes this doubly funny is that Voldemort, who cursed the position in the first place, is living on the back of Quirrell's head.... while he is in the cursed position. Like, Voldemort, guy, you're already dealing with the unicorn curse, let's not willingly stack them like that, okay? If Quirrell really did teach Muggle Studies, just let him him keep teaching that. It's safer, and a better cover anyway.

(I suppose you could say he wasn't planning on staying longer than a year, like Barty, but still. Voldemort's health is kind of delicate in Book 1, you'd think he'd take all the advantage he could get.)

Like you can absolutely watch the idea of a cursed position take form over the course of the books. In Book 2 "People [are] startin’ ter think it’s jinxed. No one’s lasted long fer a while now." Which is pretty different from 'one year or less' deadline we eventually land on.

(If the position has been cursed since slightly before Voldemort's first rise to power, that's been at been at least 25 different DADA professors, all lasting a year. gee Snape, it's a little dark that you want that position so bad.)

In Book 3 there are "rumors that the job was jinxed," and in Book 5 Fred and George talk about "what’s happened to the last four [DADA professors]" when they should have seen six come and go. In Book 6, Harry very confidently says, “That job’s jinxed. No one’s lasted more than a year. " Which is confirmed later on by Dumbledore, who says "You see, we have never been able to keep a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for longer than a year since I refused the post to Lord Voldemort.”

What gets me about this is that - this is a dumb thing, right? It's a small thing. It's not even an important plot point. If JKR had said "Yes, I decided to develop that idea after the first book was already published. Maybe I'll go back and tweak earlier editions, like JRR Tolkien did with the Hobbit to make it match the Lord of the Rings better." Literally no one would have cared. That would have been fine.

But I don't know. She somehow wants to say that the entire thing was entirely planned out from the world go, and she has never even changed her mind. And the way her instinct is always to add a ton of extra stuff, to (hopefully) retcon away the original problems... it's almost like she's trying to convince herself that she's infallible, and has never been wrong ever.

[chernabogs]

ERLKÖNIG

Inc: Malleus (/Reader later on), Reader/Prefect, Lilia, Silver, Sebek, Ace, Deuce, Grim, and a lot of fae who should not be in this dimension yet somehow are. Wc: Roughly 9k (Currently sitting at chapter 2/23). Warnings: Violence, reference to war, kidnapping, rituals that fae allegedly did in mythology (wild), psychological horror, body horror (not until much later), and the boys are fighting... a lot. Relies heavily on ancient Celtic and Welsh lore (Tam Lin, Thomas the Rhymer, and Oisin I owe u my life) Summary: Your first encounter with the fae was not in Twisted Wonderland, but rather on the coast of a village your grandmother once lived in—where stones bit into your bare feet and the water poured into your lungs as you were pulled to a world so different from your own. It was by cunning alone that you managed to escape, having since pushed those memories aside. But the fae do not forget—not even when you cross dimensions once more—and as Beltane looms, the time for collecting is near.

Chapter 1 (Prologue) below the cut. Check out the work up to chapter 2 here!

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,

With horrid warning gaped wide,

And I awoke and found me here,

On the cold hill's side.

-  La Belle Dame sans Merci, Keats

19??, Dunhill, Ireland. October.

There is an unsettling truth behind the superstitions we hold. After all, why else do we face horseshoes upright, or close our blinds when the sun begins to set? We did not learn to play mute when we hear our names get called at night for no reason, nor did we discover on a whim that blackbirds circling are harbingers of ill outcomes.  

Your grandmother was a woman of superstition. Because she lived in Dunhill, Ireland, you very rarely had the opportunity to see her growing up. This didn’t mean that you weren’t occasionally shipped out to arrive at her doorstep for a few weeks at a time over the summer months.

Your memories of her appearance are mostly flashes of the few moments you saw her. Knotted joints on her body, silver hair hidden behind a headscarf she always wore, and the way her shoulders would stoop with each shuffling step she took. What you remember more vividly was the way she acted when the two of you went out. Her trembling hands—Parkinson’s, you think your parent may have mentioned—would always press an iron nail into yours to put in your pocket before you departed.

“They like to wait on the coastlines,” she had murmured when you asked why she gave this to you. “And they’ll like you the most.”

She would not offer any further information, nor would she let you out until the nail was securely tucked away. Despite how slowly she would move on your many walks along Benvoy Beach, you never once failed to miss the way her sharp gaze would always be fixated on the unruly seas beyond.

She dies when you’re ten years old. Her funeral is a vivid affair. Your grandmother’s humble home has been transformed into a centre of traffic within a matter of hours since her passing, barely giving your family a moment to breathe despite catching the red-eye flight earlier that day. People you have never seen before shaking your small hand and offering their condolences. The strong fragrance of unknown flowers and cheap perfume fills each room, suffocating out any last semblance of your grandmother that may have still lingered. It feels more like they’re spitting on her memory than honouring it. You know your grandmother—she is, was, a quiet woman, and not one for all this pomp and circumstance.

Perhaps this is why no one notices when you sneak out and down the rocky hills.

You slip on several rocks and scrape up your hands really good by the time your feet hit the familiar sandy beach below. With the way the sun is beginning to set, the waters seem to be a wine-red color, swirling in their chaotic fervour to reach the earth you stand on. You pause to take several breaths before kicking your shoes off and stepping forward into that hungry sea.

Your parent will be furious at you for dirtying up your formal garb, but this isn’t at the forefront of your mind right now as your eyes slide shut and you stretch your arms wide. You feel the wind rush along your body and the fragrance of salt overtake you as you spill your grief into the vast waters, letting it mix and swirl into that abyss for a moment of catharsis.

It’s when the wind carries the scent of something pungent that your eyes snap open again. The foulness is brief, and for a moment you write it off as simply a byproduct of the ocean, until it returns again stronger than before. It smothers the brine and has your head turning to look around for the source. You look over your left shoulder at the empty beach around you. The sun continues to set, and your gaze tracks the path of a gull flying overhead before you look over your shoulder once more.

This time, someone is waiting.  

There is an unsettling truth behind the superstitions we hold. The reason why we are scared of things that try to look like us, why we try so hard to ward them off, is because we know that anything that wants to be like a human certainly has no good intent in their heart. This is the case for the figure you see standing on the beach.

They’re wearing the same dark funeral garb you had seen the others in your grandmother’s home wearing. A wide-brimmed hat sits upon their head to conceal most of their features, although you can see scarlet hairs peeking out, and their hands appear to be clasped behind their back as they stand stoically ahead. Despite the winds that bite at your cheeks, not a single scrap of fabric on the figure’s body moves. It’s as though they’re cut from a painting and placed in real life.

You both observe each other in silence. You can feel your body locking up as your mind chants to you wrong, wrong, wrong, over and over again like a mantra. Your right hand drifts down to your pant pocket—you did not take a nail with you before you left the home.

They like to wait on the coastlines, and they’ll like you the most.

Your breath catches in your throat.

The figure smiles—black, sharp, and not quite human. 

Something in your gut tells you to run and you, even as a rebellious child, do as you’re told. Your body twists around to scramble towards the rocks as your feet slip in the wet sand. You completely discard grabbing your shoes in your haste to get away, fully accepting the agony that the stones ripping into your soles will bring as consequence.

You don’t get very far. Whatever is on the beach with you is far quicker than you will ever be. Within moments of you turning, its cold fingers dig into your shoulders. You scream—cry—as the figure leans down and the pungent aroma of rotting fish emanates with each breath it exhales. You thrash and twist in its grip until you face each other, and you lock eyes with her.  

She looks exactly as she did the last time you saw each other. Same knotted limbs, same silvery hairs, same stoop of her shoulders.

She stares down at you. The wind whips the loose strands of her hair around her face, and her eyes are the cloudy blue of the dead as something begins to claw in your mind. You watch as her thin and cracking lips form the syllables to your name—but it’s lost to the roar of an ever-cacophonous sea. The ground surges up around you, wrapping thorns—thorns? —around your legs. They bite into your skin, draw ruby gems from beneath your frigid flesh, and when you lift your head again, your grandmother merely continues to wear her blackened smile at the sight.

You cry out once more, but just like your name, your pleas are stolen away by the winds.

Everything lasts all but a few moments before the sea finally reaches what it has been clawing for. 

[er-osion]

Star-Studded Problems

pairing:  famous actor!Nikolai Lantsov x gn!Reader

summary:  Nikolai Lantsov is a famous actor and your boyfriend, but that means being apart from each other while he’s working is especially difficult

word count:  3.3k

warnings:  hurt/comfort

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For the fifth time today you reload Instagram’s homepage to see if there are any new photos of Nikolai on your feed.  While you both hate the paparazzi, when he’s away you can’t help but feel the slightest bit grateful for them because they allow you to see your boyfriend more than you usually would considering the distance between the two of you.

It’s been hard lately.  Nikolai has been gone for a little over a year now and all the two of you have are sporadic facetimes and texts.  You’re both so busy and now that you’re in different time zones, talking for long periods of time has become almost impossible.  You miss him to the point of injury.  Waking up alone in your apartment every morning is the worst way to start your day.  You miss his voice, his smell, his touch, his everything.  Your life feels so empty when he’s not around.  You know it’s his job and you know what you were signing up for when the two of you got together three years ago, but that doesn’t make it any less painful every time he has to leave to film a new movie.

While doom scrolling in your bed that’s too empty you come across yet another edit of Nikolai.  You smirk and rewatch it a few times.  How could you not?  He’s the finest man you know and he’s your boyfriend, you’re allowed to watch edits of him.  Then you mistakenly open the comments out of habit and the happy smirk on your face twists into a frown.  Everyone is praising him and declaring their undying love and attraction for him and your stomach gathers up into knots.  Usually you don’t care about comments like these, in fact, they usually flatter you because you know how wanted Nikolai is and you’re the only one in the world who knows him as your partner not just a celebrity crush.  But on days when the weight of missing him crushes your chest, seeing other people fawn over the man you don’t even get to see makes you hysterically jealous.

It’s not fair.  You miss him so goddamn much and everyone else just gets to enjoy looking at him without enduring the pain of missing him.  You immediately exit the app and open your messages, hurriedly typing one out to Nikolai.

You:  hey, idk if u saw my other messages, hope ur day has been good. miss u lots, text or call me when u can

You press send and see the blue bubble float up underneath the other three you sent earlier in the day that have yet to be seen.  Feeling trapped because of the lack of response, you shove your phone into the covers and put on one of your comfort tv shows to try and distract you.  You don’t get any notifications until a couple of hours later.  Looking at the notification, your heart picks up in anticipation when you see the contact name.

Nik❤️:  hey honey, sorry i didn’t respond earlier, super busy.

  my day was good, miss u so much tho so it was only mediocre 

  omw back to my room rn, i’ll call u when i get there

The smallest sad smile appears on your face at his promise to call you.  Instead of returning your focus to the show, you count the minutes until his face pops up on your screen to alert you to an incoming call.  You immediately pick up and almost let out a cry of relief as the sound of his voice floods your ear.

“Heyyy, how’s my favorite person ever?”  He asked sweetly, but you could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

“Terrible.”  You say dramatically, indulging in the little laugh you pull from him with your joking tone.

“Oh no, we can’t have that.”  You can practically see him shaking his head pitifully, “Tell me what’s wrong, baby.”

“I’m in too much pain, Nik.  Miss you too much.”

“Aw, lovey, you know I’m hurting just as much as you.  What can I do to help?”

“You could come home.”  You meant it as a joke, knowing he can’t just get up and leave work, but the joke falls flat and the line goes quiet for a second.

“You know I can’t.”  This time, when Nikolai speaks it’s without playfulness or cheer, instead it’s depressed and so so tired.  It hurts your heart to hear him like this, “You know that all I want is to be home with you right now.  But the movie is almost done shooting, I’ll be home soon.  We just gotta hold off a little longer.”

Out of nowhere, anger bubbles up within you.  What’s this ‘we’ he’s talking about?  He gets to spend his time apart from you with hundreds of people who absolutely adore him and fawn over him.  He gets to work in fun places with fun people while you have to work the same job everyday with those couple of shit coworkers and no one whose job it is to specifically fawn over you.  He gets to live in luxury with people he can share unnumbered laughs with, while you have to sit in the apartment the two of you decorated together and live off of the cold memories of his presence.  He talks of missing you just as much as you miss him, but how could he?  Everytime you see one of those paparazzi pictures or Insta posts from his costars, you can see him having the time of his life.  Without you.

You can’t help the petty response that blurts out of you, “Yeah right, ‘we’.”  You mutter with a scoff.

“Excuse me?”  He questions over the line.  “What does that mean?”  His tone isn’t rude but you can tell you caught him off guard with your sudden change in attitude.

“Nothing.”  You mutter under your breath, hoping he’ll drop it because you don’t feel like diving into the whirlpool that is your current emotional state.

“No no, don’t do that.  Tell me what’s wrong, what’s going on?”

“Nothing Nikolai, I’m sorry let’s just drop it, I’m just tired.”

“I think you’re lying to me.”  He pushes.

“I said, let’s drop it.”  Your tone is getting more and more clipped.

“Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t respond to you earlier, I really was busy, I would’ve answered if I could’ve, you know that.”  He says with a sigh and you want to pull your hair out over the fact he thinks that’s what’s bothering you.

“I’m not upset about that so don’t worry about it.”  You tell him shortly.

“But you’re clearly upset about something, so what is it?”

“Nothing!  Fuck, I just—”  You’re interrupted by Nikolai’s stuttering voice as he fumbles a few curses and apologizes.  You ask him what happened.

“Sorry sorry, Alina was trying to call me and I was trying to decline it without hanging up on you.”  He answered hurriedly.

Your heart drops and your stomach feels sick.  Alina is one of his co stars, one of the prettier ones at that. It’s not that you don’t like her, in fact, you think she’s really nice.  But god she’s gorgeous and she gets to be around Nikolai all the time and now they’re calling each other late at night?  When did that become a thing?

“It’s probably urgent you should just answer her, we’ll talk later or something.”  Your voice starts out biting but ends up dropping into a saddened tone.

“What?  No, if it was an emergency she’d be spamming me.  I want to talk to you right now.  Why are you being so weird today?”  You can hear the confusion and distress in Nikolai’s voice. 

“I’m not being weird, fuck.  Sorry if me being tired or not in a great mood is upsetting to you or not what you want to deal with.”

“Sweetheart, I’m not upset at you, I just want you to talk to me.  I know you.  I know when something’s up, and I can tell there’s something bothering you more than you’re letting on.  So please, just talk to me.”

You don’t respond immediately.  You’re trying to choke down a sob as all the emotions you’ve kept bottled up these past few weeks threaten to spill over.  You know you’re probably overreacting right now, but you can’t help but feel like everything is an attack on your sanity and stability.  Sometimes all you need is a little push and everything becomes too much to handle.  Maybe you’ve been shoving things down too much lately, and now you’re paying the price.  “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Nik.”  Your whisper breaks painfully as you speak.

There’s a long pause, as if Nikolai stopped breathing on the other side before you hear his voice come out uncharacteristically quiet and shaky, “What?”  there’s another pause, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I can’t handle this anymore.  This distance, the uncertainty, the longing, the jealousy.  I just can’t take it anymore.”  The words come tumbling out of your mouth and each realization is a punch to the stomach.

“Baby, no no don’t say that.”  Nikolai’s voice is cracking through the speaker on your phone, “C’mon, what do you have to be uncertain about?  Do you not know how much I love you?”

God, Nikolai sounds absolutely heartbroken and it tears your heart to shreds, “No, Kolya, I know how much you love me.  But I just– I can barely put it into words– I’m just tired.  So goddamn tired, Nikolai, this is just too much.”

“No, no.  Not fair.”  Suddenly his voice takes on a more desperate tone.  It’s edged but you can hear the desperation behind it, “You said you were okay to make this work.  You said we’d get through anything.  We agreed on forever.  You can’t– you can’t just end it all now.”

“Excuse me?  You can’t force me to stay, you don’t control me like that, don’t make decisions for me.”

“No, fuck, that’s not what I mean, malyska please.”  You hear Nikolai let out a sound somewhere between a whine and a groan and you can practically see him raking his hand through his blonde tresses in distress.  “I don’t mean I’m forcing you to stay, y’know I’d never force you to do anything.  But fuck, I don’t want you to just give up on us like that.”

“I don’t want to give up, but I’m just out of stamina.  I can’t keep living like this.  Do you know how much it hurts when you’re away?  You get to be out there, living your dream, seeing places and people you’ve never seen before, getting doted on by innumerable amounts of people who love and adore you, constantly surrounded by friends.  But me?  I get to wake up and go to sleep everyday in a bed we picked out together for two.  I have to go to a job where people don’t always respect me, I don’t get to see all these amazing sights, and worst of all; no matter where I go I’m force fed reminders of the fact the one person I need the most isn’t here, the fact that the love of my life is far away from me and everyone in the world gets to enjoy him through whatever media they want but not me, because nothing will ever make me happier than when you’re around and you’re never around anymore.”  By the end of your speech you’re sobbing.  The weight of missing him and the constant reminders of his absence have slowly chipped away at your will and now the floodgates have burst.  You’re so focused on all your aching and tears that you barely notice how long Nikolai is silent on the other end, processing everything you just said.

“Darling, fuck.”  Nikolai’s throat is so constricted he can barely get his words out.  His mind is running a mile a minute and tears are burning his cheeks and his heart hurts so fucking much and he’s freaking out because you genuinely sound ready to end the relationship and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do without you, “I don’t– I don’t even no where to start.  First of all, you think I’m not suffering too?  Just because I’m living the ‘high life’ you seem to think I’m living doesn’t mean I’m not hurting just as much as you are.  I have to go to sleep and wake up everyday in a hotel room that couldn’t be any colder.  There’s nothing personal to me anywhere I go.  Everywhere is just a harsh reminder of the fact that I’m so far away from home.  I see all these things and all these people and the only person I ever want to share that with is you.  I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of times I’ve turned my head to whisper something to you and you weren’t there, because of course you weren’t, you’re thousands of miles away.  But I do it every time and it hurts everytime because my heart always tells me you’re meant to be at my side so my brain just assumes you’re there.  I see all my fans and I get so annoyed because they act like you don’t exist, but you’re the only person I want to hear fawning over me because you’re the only person I trust and love to do so.  I’m always reaching out to you when I roll over in my sleep and everytime my arm is met with nothing but air I fucking cry because the only thing I truly need is to be near you.  I hate that I’m missing so much of your day.  I hate that I can’t look you in the eyes while you talk to me and I can’t hug you or cuddle up next to you at the end of the day.  Milaya, I love you so fucking much it hurts, and you’re fucking killing me right now with this talk of leaving us.”

You can hear him sniffling over the phone and you’re gasping for breath and trying to calm down enough to respond, “Nik, I’m sorry I’m so sorry.  I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to hurt you.  I just don’t think I can take it anymore.  It’s too much.  I just— I can’t…”  You keep repeating yourself because you have no idea what else to say.  How do you convey the indescribable anguish and isolation you feel at his absence?

“I know I know, baby.  I’m here, please just stay with me for a bit longer, please.”  Nikolai feels as if he could just stretch his arm out and reach you but the impossibility of that movement is kicking him while he’s down.  “The shooting is going to be over so soon.  And then I’ll be home.  I’ll be home soon and then we can take as much time as we need.  But please, my love, please I’m begging you, just hold on for a bit longer.  I love you so fucking much and I need you to just stay for a little more and then we’ll figure everything out, I promise.  Please, angel, promise me you’ll wait just a bit more before calling it quits, please.”

“Okay, Nik, I promise.  I promise, I’ll keep going a bit longer, for us.  I know it’s not really your fault, I know that, and I love you.  I love you to the moon and back, Nikolai Lantsov.”

“I love you too, darling.  I’ve gotta go, but I’ll text you as soon as I get the chance.”  You can tell by the sound of his voice that he’s scared to end the phone call but you assure him everything’s going to be alright and he eventually hangs up.

After the call ends you pretty much pass out, being completely and utterly drained after that emotional rollercoaster.  It was some of the deepest sleep you’ve had in months but you can feel the annoying crust of dry tears when you wake up.

It’s a late Saturday afternoon.  The sun beams gently into your apartment, the air is still and warm but it lacks something.  You’re sitting on the couch watching TV with a cup of tea cradled in your hands when the sound of a key jiggling in the door startles you.  You spring up from your spot on the couch just in time to see someone step through the door.  He has a duffle bag slung over his broad shoulders and one of his ringed hands is gripping a rolling suitcase.  He’s casually dressed in grey sweatpants and a light blue compression t-shirt.  He moves to pull the headphones from around his neck, they catch on his necklace before he hooks them around his bag.  His blond waves have that signature airplane messiness and his hazel eyes have dark circles beneath them.  But god, when he sees you, his whole face lights up brighter than the sun.  Within seconds you’ve jumped into his arms and Nikolai is crushing you against his chest in the tightest and most comforting hug you’ve ever felt.  He smells like expensive cologne, pine, and sea salt and you inhale him like a starved man in front of a feast.  His hands roam everywhere, needing to feel all of you in his hold to cement the fact that you’re finally here with him.  You’re both shaking with joy and relief and stay holding each other for minutes on end.  Just you and him clutching onto each other in the foyer, like you both fear the other will disintegrate if you let go.

“Saints, I missed you so fucking much.”  His whisper trembles as he nuzzles his face into your neck to press desperate kisses onto your skin.

“I missed you too, Kolya, I missed you too much to put into words.”  Your own voice was just as choked.  After a few more minutes of just holding one another, Nikolai finally rights himself and puts a few inches of distance between the two of you.

“Be honest with me, are you still thinking about breaking up?”  Nikolai does everything in his power not to look as scared as he is but you can see the fear in his eyes.

You reach a hand up to cradle his cheek, drawing small circles on his cheekbone with your thumb.  Nikolai instinctively leans into your hand.  “No, not really, not seriously.  I wanted out of the pain more than anything, not the relationship.  I was just at my wit’s end with miss you, I couldn’t tolerate the hurt anymore and I irrationally thought breaking up would put an end to it.”  You explained, having had time over the months between the phone call and now to be able to reflect on your little break down.

“So you don’t want to break up?”  Nikolai asked and your heart broke a little bit at his hesitant tone.

“No, I don’t want to break up.  I want to spend every minute of every day with you.”  You reassured him with a smile.

“Good, at least we’re on the same page about that.”  Nikolai mirrors your grin and you feel butterflies erupt in your stomach at the small sign that Nikolai is feeling more himself now that the fear of a break up is gone.  “So what do you want to do?  Now that I’m home.”  He asked with a smirk and a kiss on your cheek.

“We can resume our show, there’s a lot of episodes to catch up on since you’ve been gone.”  You suggested happily. 

“Sounds perfect.”  Nikolai said, kissing your other cheek.  You thread your fingers with his and led him to the couch where you both settled under the blanket and glued yourselves together.  You didn’t know where you ended and he began and you wouldn’t have had it any other way.

You turn your head to take a long look at the beautiful man beside you and then press a few kisses up from the base of his neck to his jaw, “I’m glad you’re home, Kolya.”

“I am too.”  He says earnestly, placing a tender kiss on your temple.

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Malyshka — baby

Milaya — sweetheart, pretty